#and if his death is what forms that initial connection between you then that's okay. that's okay. he would understand

[anachronistic-falsehood]

waittttttt hang on. what if i wrote. a trimax oneshot abt vash and livio. what then. hmm. what then

[melisusthewee]

What's your favorite ship? FitoxMarcelo, EduardoxMarcelo or DanielxMarcelo (Daniel Fernández)? 👀👀👀

This answer isn't going to surprise anyone, but Fito/Marcelo.

My interactions with fanfic (both as a reader and a writer) is based primarily on the fictional versions of the individuals that we see in the LSDLN film (if you've ever been a part of either Band of Brothers or The Terror fandoms then you get it). So it's a bit complicated wherein yes, the more you read from other sources or learn more about the real events that make up the story and the real individuals (versus their fictional selves) that can definitely start to shape and inform things. Which is to say that LSDLN leans hard into meaningful looks between Fito and Marcelo and while it's probably primarily because Fito's role was arguably elevated to one of the lead characters (alongside Nando, Roberto, and Numa), I've said it before and I'll say it again...

Everyone involved knew exactly what they were doing.

Which is basically my defence whenever someone tells me "But Marcelo and Eduardo were best friends so that's the ship that makes more sense!" As if multishipping isn't a thing.

That is to say I think that the way the Strauches were written in the film (as a single character split into three parts) makes them all shippable with Marcelo especially because if you stop and think about how the three of them formed the leadership group after Marcelo's death they all kind of embody different aspects of Marcelo's leadership and I think that's a really interesting idea to explore.

Daniel/Marcelo: Everything I've read about Daniel as well as the way he's portrayed in the film, he and Marcelo were essentially polar opposites in terms of personality but not necessarily in a way that would be incompatible. I think there's a lot of potential to explore in terms of the responsibility both of them were very aware of having to weather - Marcelo being the team captain and the one who primarily organized the trip, and Daniel because he was the oldest of the survivors (aside from the Methols). To be honest, though, I've not really gotten into it very much? There was a fic once on AO3 that had some potential, but I think the author abandoned it after only a couple chapters, so in terms of pairings, I'm kind of still waiting to be sold on it.

Eduardo/Marcelo: If your favourite trope is childhood friends to lovers, then this is the ultimate pairing. Personally, I'm into it more as a platonic pairing, I think because writing it as a straightforward romance feels too much like I'm retreading an identical pairing from the Dragon Age fandom and I guess I just was looking for something different for a change? There also isn't a lot of film content to take from because of how little screentime Eduardo gets so most of the pairing content has to come from the books and memoirs and... I don't know, my feelings about it are strange and complicated and difficult to put into words. I think that their friendship was incredibly special and precious and because of that, I think that personally I prefer to write them as friends and explore the deep meaning of that connection. Though I admit I do sometimes kind of straddle the line with it, but I think I might even like it as one-sided or unrequited thanks to a fic I read once.

Fito/Marcelo: Okay, longing looks in the film aside, I think what drew me to this pairing initially is that Fito's someone who is always quietly observing people in a way that feels like he's trying to see deep into their core. And I feel like my observations about him were confirmed when he addressed Marcelo directly in his chapter of SotS (which surprised me!). Something I find interesting is that in his memoir, Eduardo talks about the change in Marcelo and the way he seemed to fall apart and how he saw the change in his friend and the way he was suffering but couldn't understand what had caused the change and therefore didn't know how to fix it. A friend of mine described Eduardo as being too close to Marcelo and while that meant he understood him probably better than anyone else, he also had a blindspot for him at the same time. Eduardo is so close he can't see the forest through the trees. While Fito had a little bit of distance and seems to have seen and understood or at least come to his own conclusion as to what was at the heart of Marcelo's despair on the mountain. I think they make very good foils for each other with Fito being the youngest of the three cousins but arguably taking on the most responsibility after Marcelo starts to wane as the leader. And he does it without any real complaint or resentment. So many times in the movie, you can tell from his expression that he disagrees with Marcelo's belief in rescue, but he never openly argues with him. It drives me crazy in the best way because to me it shows how much Fito understands the need for co-operation and that open argument and dissent is dangerous. With everything Marcelo went through and with everything he had to shoulder, I feel like Fito is the one who saw it and understood it the most.

(At the end of the day, though, the real answer is that Fito/Marcelo/Eduardo is a complicated OT3.)

[miras-ash]

It's fanfiction time!

Disclaimer before you read! This story is probably super unrealistic especially the characters of Mira and Ash. Overall it's a dramatic mess. So reading on ur own risk. Have fun💜🧡

Chapter 1 of "Just as the stars love the night"

Mira's pov

"Everyone on alert! There has been an incident. Security code red is being initiated, I repeat security code red." Hibana's voice came through my com.

I looked up from my laptop and saw a few colleagues jump up and immediately drop everything to go to their designated posts. I shut down everything in the lab and then quickly made my way to our briefing room. Whatever had caused Code Red had lousy timing. I was just getting ready for the upcoming onboarding of a new operator for Viperstrike.

Once in the room, I sat down in the last empty seat between Jackal and Dokaebi.

"Hey, do you guys know what's going on? Why Code Red and where is Yumiko? Shouldn't she be here first to brief us? Even Harry isn't here."

The two of them seemed as clueless as me and the rest of the troupe.

After a while some of us got restless and started speculating, whatever was going on here was not normal.

Half an eternity and many speculations later the door opened and Hibana came in, silently she walked past us to her place at the top of the table but she did not sit down. Her eyes were red and glassy and something about her look scared me to death. There weren't many reasons to upset her, unless it was something really serious.

The conversations in the room abruptly stopped and all eyes were on our squad leader.

Her voice was loud and clear, yet you could hear the shaky undertone.

"Team, as you know I have ordered Code Red for us here and that includes Wolfguard, Ghosteyes and Redhammer. They are being informed on current events at the same time as you right now. Something terrible has happened. Our esteemed friend and leader of Team Rainbow Harishva "Harry" Pandey was recently found dead in his home and the circumstantial evidence points 100% to murder."

Shocked looks and exclamations went around the room but immediately died down as Hibana raised her hand and pointed to the screen behind her.

"Bodycam footage was found on him from our active squad that was on duty at the time of the crime to interdict the Nighthaven arms trade. Among them: Thermite, Ash, Sledge, Zofia and Caveira."

She started the recording and dropped exhausted into her chair.

Spellbound and by now nervous, I stared at the screen. Why should we watch the footage, what did it all have to do with Harry?

A horrible thought formed in my head and I tried to push it away and concentrate on the video.

At first nothing too exciting happened, just an ordinary mission from Jordan's point of view. They worked precisely and exemplarily as a unit under Thermite's leadership.

They took out the guards, entered the warehouse and made their way through enemy territory until they got all the gun runners. Through Jordan's bodycam, I could suddenly spot them. Ash; Eliza. My rival, friend and wonderful wife.

She reached out her hand to Thermite to pull him to his feet as his gaze, and with it the image, turned to something else. Only briefly could the timer be seen on whose display a clock was still counting down a few seconds. Jordan shouted to Eliza and the others to run. The image was blurred by the movements, then a loud bang and that was it. The connection was lost.

Still in shock I looked out into the crowd, had they seen the same thing or had I just imagined it. I had so many questions but couldn't get a word out, but I didn't have to. Doka next to me said what we were all wondering.

"And what about the squad now? Do we have any information, where are they now, are they okay?"

It was only now that I noticed that Hibana was facing the screen the entire time and when she turned around it was clear why.

Even though she was really trying to control herself you could clearly see the traces of fresh tears and when she started to speak her voice sounded rough and broken.

"We had a brief radio communication with Thermite earlier, he was able to make an emergency call. He's fine under the circumstances, probably took a beating but he'll survive. Sledge is worse, he is being flown here to Herford Hospital and will have emergency surgery. Cav and Zofia barely got hit, they probably managed to escape through an upper window into a blind spot of the explosion and... and Ash... "

Hibana slapped her hands over her mouth to suppress a defiantly audible sob before continuing.

"Ash... she was thrown against something by the force of the explosion and buried under collapsing rubble. That was the last Jordan saw of her. After he regained consciousness, he and Zofia tried to get back into the burning building and get her, but it was too late. Everything was on fire and half the roof had already fallen down, they couldn't save her..."

No, no that couldn't be, that just couldn't be true. Eliza was still alive, I just knew that, she wouldn't just leave me like that. We had talked on the phone this morning, she had told me we would meet again in a few days when the Nighthaven thing was off the table.

"Are you sure?" What's the latest? "

Breathing heavily, I stood up and slowly walked forward while most eyes were on me.

Hibana's information was surely outdated again at this point and they had long since found her, she was surely on her way to the hospital as well, on her way to me.

"Mira, I know how hard this is for you, for me as well. She is, was my best friend but that doesn't change anything anymore."

I didn't want to hear all of that, she was wrong, she had to be wrong.

By now I was standing in front of her.

"Yumiko come on, you know Eliza. She knows how to take care of herself and gets out of any situation. Maybe she wasn't hit by debris at all and just got out the other side of the building, or maybe she's just trapped and is being freed right now."

I tried to talk myself out of it all and imagined the wildest fantasies of how to make it out of such a situation, a big part of me even believed it, anything was better than the opposite.

"Elena, no. They found her, she's dead."

"You're lying, why are you doing this?"

I grew louder with each word and two hands grabbed me by the shoulders, probably to hold me back in the trap. Had everyone gone crazy now, was I the crazy one?

"Then show it to me, I want to see it with my own eyes!

Hibana shook her head and sank back into her chair.

"No you don't, you want to remember her as she really was, otherwise you'll never get rid of that image when you think of her."

"Please, I need to see it. How else could I believe that she really isn't here anymore."

By now tears were streaming down my face and my hands were shaking when she finally handed me her tablet with the recording of Zofia's bodycam.

She carefully walked through the smoldering and still partly burning debris of the old factory building, they had obviously had to wait until the fire had died down. Beside her a strongly taken Thermite called constantly for Eliza and that chased me a shiver by the whole body. The two searched for a while until Thermite called Zofia to him from a little further away.

"Zofia you have to help me, I think I found her!"

Together the two stood in front of a pile of heavy beams that lay on top of each other and only with effort they managed to push them away one after the other. With each piece they moved, the stone in my chest grew heavier and heavier.

With a dull sound they heaved the last beam away and Jordan was right, they had found her.

I sank to my knees, still holding the tablet with the last image. She was right, I would never forget this image, but it was the only way I could really know.

Eliza was dead.

[ravencromwell]

This is the worst story I know about hocuses. And it’s true. Four Great Septads ago, back in the reign of Claudius Cordelius, there was a hocus named Porphyria Levant. The hocuses back then had this thing they could do, called the binding-by-forms, the obligation d’âme. It happened between a hocus and an annemer, an ordinary person, and it was like an oath of loyalty, only a septad times more. The hocus promised to protect the annemer from everything, including kings and other hocuses and basically anybody else who had an interest. The annemer promised to be the hocus’s servant and do what they said and no backchat, neither. And they renounced their family and all their other connections, so it was like the only thing in the world that mattered to them was the hocus. And then there was a spell to stick it in place and make sure, you know, that nobody tried to back out after it was too late. You can see the problem, right? Most half-bright folks can. But some hocuses were so powerful and so nasty that I guess it seemed like it was better to go ahead and do the obligation d’âme with a hocus you sort of trusted than to go wandering around waiting for a different hocus to get the drop on you. So there was Porphyria Levant. And there was Silas Altamont. Silas Altamont was annemer, a guy who’d been the favorite of Lord Creon Malvinius, and then when Lord Creon got married, Silas Altamont was out on his ear, and scared shitless of Lord Creon’s wife, who was way better connected than him, and was rumored to have three or four hocuses on her string to boot. And she was poison-green with jealousy, because she loved Lord Creon like a mad thing, and everybody knew he didn’t give a rat’s ass about her. So Silas Altamont goes to Porphyria Levant—who was powerful enough to protect him from Lisette Malvinia, no matter who she had running her errands—and begs Porphyria Levant to do the obligation d’âme. And Porphyria Levant smiles and says okay. Now, the thing about the binding-by-forms, the way my friend Zephyr explained it to me, is that it lets the hocus make you do what they want. Except for kill yourself. They can’t make you do that. But what Porphyria Levant tells Silas Altamont to do is fuck her. I’ve heard it different ways. Some people say Silas Altamont was beautiful as daylight, and Porphyria Levant had been hot for him for indictions. Some say Porphyria Levant didn’t know he was molly, thought he was janus and wouldn’t mind. And some say—and I got to admit, this is what I think—that she knew he was molly and that was why she did it. There are other stories about Porphyria Levant, and it’s the kind of thing she would do. Anyway, there’s Silas Altamont. He’s molly, and he’s still in love with Creon Malvinius, but he has to do what the obligation d’âme says, and it says, You got to fuck Porphyria Levant and make her happy. And after a while he goes to her and says, “ can’t stand this no more, please, let me stop or I’m going to go out and slit my wrists.” And Porphyria Levant says, “Silas,” and smiles her little smile, “I forbid you to kill yourself.” That’s what hocuses are like, and that’s why, if you live in the Lower City of Mélusine, you keep one eye on the Mirador all the time, same way you would with a swamp adder. It’s just common sense.

I forget when I first heard rumblings about a book series called the Doctrine of Labyrinth by an up-and-coming writer named Sarah Monette. It was undoubtedly before 2014, because when she published Goblin Emperor as Katherine Addison, I bought it without even reading the synopsis I was that ecstatic to finally get a taste of her writing. You see, Monette had a string of publishing woes, notoriously leading to at least one of the books being out of print before the series was even finished despite having amazing critical press and quite good initial sales. And one of the books just _vanishing from shelves was pretty much the series' death knell; new readers wouldn't start something they knew they couldn't get their hands on half of; and if readers weren't buying, neither were libraries.

It was this unicorn series: dark (dealing extensively with the aftermath of abuse and mind-control), inventive as hell, all about found family and the juxtaposition of brothers: one a high-class sorcerer with a stick up his ass and the other a slum-dwelling lord of cat burgling. With, from what tiny, glorious tidbits I could weasel from the internet the cat burglar acquiring a physical disability later in the series that was not! magically cured; queerness _everywhere; redemption and betrayal and invented languages. And magic absolutely _dripping off every page.

Anyone who's followed me for more than five minutes understands why this was a great white whale, over which I would eternally envy those fortunate few who had glimpsed its splendor.

But then! late last year, joy and jubilation poured forth from nowhere when Open Road Media re-published the whole kit and caboodle. ^^ (Monette/Addison had been low-key promising for a while there was good news in the pipe-line, but she's been very busy with her Tor ventures, including the magnificent Angel of the Crows, and I of little faith thought this news a very pretty mirage).

And then I got scared shitless. What if I'd poured inordinate amounts of the last decade into finding a copy of the whale someone could scan into text for me (cause the Open Road debut is its first in an accessible E-form), failing again and again only for it to be decidedly meh? ^^ But it's spring break and if I don't read at least the first one now, it aint happening 'till May. So, I girded my loins and y'all: just swoon with me over the brilliance of Melusine's prologue.

Mildmay, our lord o' the cat burgle: clearly educated, for all he's in the worst part of the city, but not bothering to sand off the patina of the slums either. An absolute mélange! of expressions, from the Georgian English "Molly" for gay men to the Latin "indiction" for calendric cycles (I'm assuming in this world they're as close as you can get to its original meaning of the five-year Roman Republic lustrum because there are also septets--clearly based off the Latin seven which seem to be the largest counting group so far within the city. Which wouldn't be the case if the indiction were the later fourteen- or fifteen-year length--unless of course indictions are meant to be multiples of seven and septads are a way of breaking that down into more manageable units damn now I can't wait to find out which theory is correct even the fucking prologue is crammed with world-building mysteries). Not to mention the slyest introduction of "Jaus" my beloved god of gates and duality as the perfect bisexual slang my GOD. And I know the linguistic pallet only gets richer, having caught a glimpse of Demi-Monde to explain the circumstances of an unfortunate courtesan Mildmay will be assisting.

Somehow, Monette weaves this mishmash of languages into something entirely comprehensible, giving the city a rich flavor you don't find in ninety-nine percent of fantasy, stuck on its castles and knights and feudalism. Fuck, this is gonna be so good. @dr-dendritic-trees this might be up your alley (not sure how dark you tolerate your fiction and this goes some pretty dark places from reviews, but know you were a huge Crow fan) ^ Open Road has a penchant for collecting out-of-print titles that become my heart's beloveds ala Elizabeth Wein's Aksumite cycle (opening in Winter Prince with an Arthurian-esque re-telling, but steeped in ancient Ethiopian culture and proceeding into…how the hell does one even describe Telemakos? Mixed-race child prodigy of thievery and diplomacy, simultaneously clever and mischievous as any trickster should be who will make you cry six times in every book is about the best I can do. These are absolutely as good as! Megan Whalen Turner's Queen's Thief and even more underappreciated. ^^ Having grown up shamelessly queer in a landscape that only in the last decade has made significant strides towards making queer books accessible to the blind, I have so many white whales. Heather Gladney's Song of Naga Teot y'all. Sometimes, I just quietly keen over how much I wanna read this trope-filled book I don't even care if it's good people could probably make me accomplice to terrible deeds if they just promised to read aloud all the pulpy queer books, I still can't get my hands on after all was said and done.

[neverforpickles]

Hello. Here’s my 28th of October appreciation for fictional stories. I forgot it’s almost November, time flies so fast you can barely get a hold of it. It’s crazy.

hungry heart

@raspberryoatss | E | 16.1K

“So you're using me and my kitchen for a bigger paycheck?" Harry asks.

"What do I get out of it?"

"What do you-" Louis parrots in disbelief. "I get a job that doesn't make me work ten hour shifts just to barely pay my rent while you get three meals a day cooked foryou."

"So, what, you're like some glorified housewife?"

Housewife, personal chef, Louis doesn't care. Contract's signed and done; T's crossed and I's dotted. Louis will wear an apron and twirl his hair all pretty if that's what he wants. Even if the job feels more like some drawn out jail sentence, Louis hoes this isn't going to be a long summer.”

hereafter (ad infinitum)

@larryent | M | 13K

“A legacy is every life you’ve touched. And you’ve touched mine twice."On the coast of San Francisco in 2024 is when Harry falls in love all over again.Alternatively titled “ad infinitum”

OR

“This thing upon me is not deathbut it’s as real,

....this thing upon melike a flower a feast,believe meis not death and is not glory.”

— Charles Bukowski, old man, dead in a room”

moonlit sky over gentle waters

interstellerlou | E | 11.3K

“The King of the Pirates, Captain Harry Styles! The one who conquered the seven seas!" Louis boasts, sarcasm drips from his tone, mocking him, "That's all I hear every bloody day."

The bar is clean, but he still scrubs just as fervently, his brows furrows and a small pout forms on those pink lips Harry is desperate to kiss.

"What does that have to do with—"“Every lass and lad dreams of bedding a pirate like you,” Louis huffs, gazing up at him with a despondant look. Harry looks down, dubiously, at the number in his hand, silence fills the space as he mulls over his words.

He finally looks up at Louis, blinking slowly, “Do they really?”

"You're an idiot."

-Or, Harry left his hometown to sail the seven seas and returns seven years later, yearning for something — or rather, someone — that he isn't sure he can have.”

Won’t Keep You My (Dirty Little) Secret

@lovelykits | E | 16.2K

“I got asked out today,” Louis comments.“Okay,” Harry shifts.

“Did you hear me? I said I got asked out.”

"You always get asked out.”

“Yeah well this time they didn’t believe I had a boyfriend!”

Or Louis and Harry have been together since the end of last year and somehow no one knows about it.”

Stuck On You

WritewhatIwant | E | 33.9K

“Louis’ life revolves around his stickers. Harry’s life revolves around his job. The universe has decided their worlds should revolve around each other.”

be the artist to my muse

@forthetherapyy | E | 9.6K

“I think I’m in love,” Harry says, flopping back to lay on the bench again. Nick sighs and pats Harry on the head.

“There, there. You’ll forget him in a day or so.”

or

harry has been unsuccessfully pining over louis for a while now, he decides to take drastic measures to get the alluring artist to notice him.”

Heart of Sugar, Sweet Temptation of Mine

pjinkfleur | E | 25.6K

“The process of courting is seriously outdated nowadays, it's not common anymore; people don’t want to go through the hassle of a proper courtship, dating is easier.

“Louis though, he was raised in a very traditional family, every member, down to his parents, had a courting and a mating ceremony. He grew up hearing stories about how wonderful it is, how much deeper the connection gets between a courting pair can get, and he's wanted that for himself since he was a pup, always dreaming of his alpha showing up and sweeping him off of his feet.

His dreams seem to be coming true when he moves into a new building, closer to where he works, and the older alpha living in the flat in front of his own, initiates the courtship process. Everything he's ever wanted is within reach.

Or is it?”

dark doom, honey

@outropeace | E | 57.8K

“Louis lifted one shoulder, lips slightly pursed. “You are acting like an asshole.”

Harry’s mouth pressed into a thin line, eyebrows knitting together. “I wasn’t being an asshole, I was following my own rules. The ones I always follow when I’m about to start an arrangement with a new submissive. If you don’t want this or are having doubts, we should stop now. But if we do this, I do want to make something clear, I’ll never do anything you don’t want to, but you have to be aware that I’ll never be sweet, I don’t do sweet, you already saw what I do. If you want something different you can go on dates, this is not that. Are we clear?”

It was the perfect way out. Louis could simply say no and their lives would keep on going as they were. So far, nothing was changed beyond repair. But he wanted to be. At some point in his life, way before Harry and the betrayals, Louis lost a little of himself, and had never felt closer to getting it back than in Lair, with Harry.

“Crystal. ”

feeling peachy, take a bite

softloubabie | E | 25.6K

“Prompt 570: omega louis works at a cupcake shop. he makes the prettiest cupcakes and loves his job. in comes beefy alpha harry who absolutely loves to eat louis’ cake. inspired by louis being a cute baby girl handing out cupcakes. (no a/b/o necessary, but louis has to be feminine)”

practice in pencil, seal it in pen

@loubellies | E | 16.4K

“Prompt 174: AU where drunk Harry lifts Louis up after someone says “bottoms up”. Louis blushes at Harry’s antics, flustered that his best friend knew him more than he thought. Friends to lovers with a happy ending pleaseor Harry is in love with Louis but he doesn't know.”

The Boy with the Tin Chest and a Glass Heart

@louloubabys1992 | E | 17.8K

“Alpha Harry Styles, world-renowned author of fairy-tales, is being persuaded by the Beta, Liam Payne to hire a new illustrator. Since Harry’s own illustrations are too graphic for what is supposed to be children’s stories, Liam feels the need is dire. Omega Louis does not agree with Liam since he believes that Harry’s stories are fine just the way they are. Of course this has nothing to do with Louis being totally biased or totally head over heels for Harry. It certainly has nothing to do with being jealous of the mysterious omega illustrator Liam has in mind to team Harry up with.Seriously, it has nothing to do with that at all. Nothing, absolutely nothing, zilch, nada.Yeah...”

no good unless it’s real

@fackinglouis | E | 17K

“Here,” Harry says, pulling a strap off his shoulder so he can dig his phone out of his bag. “We can get each other’s numbers.”

 Louis shakes his head. “I have the practice’s number already,” he tells him. “And my number is definitely on file somewhere.”  

Harry pauses, smile quirking a bit as he stares at Louis. The sun is still in his eyes, though, with his sunglasses pushed up onto his head still, so Louis credits his funny face to that.

 “I’m trying to give you my number, Louis,” Harry explains around a breathy laugh.

 “Oh,” Louis blinks, processing that. He scratches his temple, moves a piece of longer fringe back behind his ear, and then nods. “Okay.” 

Or: Louis is a very busy farmer who’s just trying to make it to his next nap and Harry’s the new hot vet that’s determined to infiltrate every area of his life.”

sweeter still when we’re alone

orphan_account | E | 20K

“Louis is looking up at him, eyes glazed over and fucked out. His hair is a mess and Harry truly feels like he’s fallen under Louis’ spell.

“That’s right, you little witch,” he groans. He grabs the back of Louis’ hair and pulls it so that his head is tilted so far back that they’re barely centimetres apart, breathing in the same air. Harry closes his eyes and moves closer. 

Nobody ever tells you that love potions taste like cherries.”

Glow, Chryśo Mou

@amaltaas | NR | 21.7K

“The sun is the one who braves darkness the most.

The sun isn't the one who never gets tired.”

Sweet as Honey

TeamLouis | E | 21.5K

“Louis has always been shit at cooking. When he discovers Sweet as Honey on Instagram, owned by chef Harry Styles, he intends to mock him by recreating his recipes with his awful skills, posting photos on his own Instagram account, Nailed It. It's all fun until Harry asks to meet him.”

[nyx-b-log]

The Seven Moons of Maali Almeida by Shehan Karunatilaka - Review

read: oct-nov 2022

goodreads link

rating: 4 stars

content warnings: big, big ones for this one. musings on and depictions of death (in all its forms including caused by suicide, murder, cancer and war, and to people of all ages and genders), passing references to and on-page depictions of sexual assault, racism, homophobia, war, corruption (both political and personal), terrorism.

summary:

maali almeida, photographer, has died, murdered by unknown assailants. yet, his spirit lives on. the guides of the bustling afterlife are encouraging him to take steps to move on into The Light, but there's a few things he needs to know first, in the seven moons he has been given to try: who killed him, and what will happen to the photos he (almost certainly) died for? will sri lanka finally get to see them?

opinion:

(please make sure you've read those content warnings before even considering reading the book. i don't normally put two warnings in but i am doing here.)

this is the winner of the 2022 booker prize, so somewhat inevitably it's excellent.

it's set and revolves around 1980s/90s sri lanka, something i admittedly know very little about. however, as steeped in that time as it is, and as much as the plot weaves its way in and out of all of these divided groups, it never really feels like a hindrance. (the author's edits between its initial publishing in india and current version likely help with that). stuff that needs to be explained to an outsider is, and everything else you can pick up as you go along.

which, yeah. potentially a drawback for the book, but you absolutely have to be paying attention at all times. there's many, many characters (very few of whom only turn up once), lots of different factions to connect them to, and in places it's told non-linearly, plus main character maali is suffering from a kind of amnesia which affects how he approaches things. i was okay with this (well, after the first hundred or so pages, once i'd settled in), but it's not a light read, even if you ignore the content warnings.

another thing to bear in mind, it's in second person! i'm fine with this, but i know for some people it's an absolute no-go never read kind of thing, so just getting that out there. imo it was done really well in this book anyway, regardless of any issues the concept of second person may have, but to each their own.

once you get used to being maali (in a way), the rest of the book is much easier to dive into.

the characters are all so clearly defined and well-characterised and complex. maali is who we see the most of and get the deepest insight into, but seeing jaki and DD and sena each come into their own in parallel is part of what makes the book much easier to read. thanks to them, in between all the death and despair and dread, there's humour! gallows humour a lot of the time (understandably), but given everything that's going on that's really the only humour they can spare, and it's genuinely funny in places.

the political corruption was also something that really stood out to me, it affects literally everyone on every level (even when you're dead) and getting to see that through such a wide variety of perspectives was really engaging to me.

the afterlife itself (the In-Between) was also great, the government office vibes to the section where the Helpers live, The Light and the Down There (as much as that counts) all contrast each other well and have their own distinct feelings.

i also can't finish the review without mentioning maali's queerness. it's so intrinsically linked to who he is as a character, marking his life and death just as much as his photography, or snark, but not being his sole defining feature (as it shouldn't be). i can't speak on this as a gay man (cos i'm not one), but as a queer person i appreciate it, and i appreciate it being as well done as it is.

if you're comfortable with everything in the content warnings, then absolutely give this a try! i'd recommend it.

[wildcards1407]

Travel Documents 119: The Chronicles Of Saint Mary’s

by Jodi Taylor

Genre:  sci-fi, time-travel, romance, adventure

The Dust Cover Copy

If the whole of History lay before you, where would you go?

When Dr Madeleine Maxwell is recruited by the St Mary's Institute of Historical Research, she discovers the historians there don't just study the past: they revisit it. Meet St Mary's - a group of tea-soaked disaster magnets who hurtle their way around History. But one wrong move and History will fight back - to the death. And Max soon discovers it's not just History she's fighting...

The Scene

Worldbuilding

Okay, heads up: I am covering a THIRTEEN BOOK SERIES in this review. Yep. Thirteen books. A fourteenth out next June. And a delightful number of short stories between the main books. So, there’s a LOT I’m not covering in here, because I’m not writing a thesis on Jodi Taylor. But let’s just state, for the record, that I have listened to the whole thing via audiobook four times, to date. That tells you a bit.

Reading this work is like going swimming in the local watering hole. On the surface everything is rollicking fun and sunshine. Beneath, dark things swim in the murk of human history and the human psyche. From the moment Maxwell walks up the stairs of Saint Mary’s to the very last page of Book 13, you will be delighted, appalled, surprised, grossed out once in a while, educated now and then, and made to laugh about every other page.

So, the world. Somewhere in the near future, somehow, someone figured out time travel. That initial genuis’s name is lost, but in order to prevent idiots and cowboys trying to warp time to their own ends, an organization of very professional idiots was created. The Saint Mary’s team is an incredible bunch of goofballs, geniuses, nutcases and ne’er do wells who, if you squint, look like a family. They travel in small, apparently stone huts called pods; perfectly innocuous on the outside, smelling of hot electrics and cabbage on the inside. And they are such fun to read about. These are not cowboys racing through time to Undo A Disaster, oh no. These are highly trained academics and professionals paid to observe historical events in contemporary time (for godssake don’t call it time travel), find out what actually happened and document it to break up all those nasty little disagreements that tend to fuel dictators, start wars…you know, that sort of thing.

The worldbuilding is based on a lot of historical research (beautifully if cheekily done) a lot of theoretical physics (nicely handled in the finest Star Trek fashion) some great thought put into what our next 50-100 years may look like, and a lot of experience as a member of a professional organization (absolutely HILARIOUSLY portrayed). But what a wonderful edifice has been built on those foundations. The organizational and interpersonal details make the whole thing feel so much more believable. Seeing time travel explored from the point of view of the trainee dealing with the (evil) training horse, or the harried manager who’s moderating between a member of Wardrobe asking for someone’s head on a plate after a 16th-century court dress came home shredded and a Historian crying ‘but there was a crocodile!’, that was a stroke of mastery. Exploring time as a settled organization with strong bonds and a real sense of devotion to duty allows for all sorts wonderful interpersonal details that are the connective tissue of this series.

Throw in some troublemakers out to make a buck, a crazed ex-Historian bent on vengeance, an evil co-worker or two, a metric ton of forms to fill and a PA who won’t make the tea, and you’ve got the whole bag of cats.

The Crowd

Characterization

It’s the characters who really make this story. So, I shall present just a few of them as the series does. Dramatis Thingummy

Dr Edward Bairstow: Director of St Mary's. Tall, authoritative. Losing his hair (for obvious reasons). Holds together a volatile mix of technicians, historians, kitchen staff, security teams and the sometimes explosive Research and Development Section. Dr. Bairstow is a fascinating character in the spirit of Professor X: walks with a cane, limps, and has absolutely effortless poise. Handles his team without even really trying. The best man you could ever work for.

Mrs. Partridge: PA to Director. Not to be crossed. Possibly (?) actually the Muse of History. As in, a goddess. As in, don’t mess about.

HISTORY SECTION

Max: Madeline Maxwell, Historian. Short, red-haired, engaging, impatient, self-deprecating, with a murky past and a precarious future.

She is at various points a Historian, the Director, and a mad ginger bint bent on mayhem (as she describes it). Max is the point of view character throughout the series, and she is fascinating; tough and brittle, funny and harsh, full of knowledge and always keeping a close eye on the locked door in her head where The Bad Things of childhood lie. When Taylor writes the serious stuff, it’s SERIOUS, but Max generally stays in the sunny waters of snarky good cheer on the surface of her personality, and is a delightful POV voice. Oh, and don’t piss her off. She’s devious.

Tim Peterson: Historian. Tall and shaggy. A good friend.

Kalinda Black: Historian. Blonde and blue-eyed. Looks like a Disney princess. Possibly drinks the blood of recently qualified trainees. Recipient of Mr. Dieter's affections.

TECHNICAL SECTION

Leon Farrell: Chief Technical Officer. Dark hair, blue eyes, competent, calm, quiet. Leon is one of the main characters in the series: he’s deeply in love with Max, carrying his own personal baggage full of pain and loss, smart as a whip in his areas of expertise and occasionally thick as a brick sandwich. A really lovely man.

Mr. Dieter: Farrell's number two. Built like a brick shi – a very large young man.

MEDICAL SECTION

Dr Helen Foster: Medical doctor and with the people skills of a root vegetable. Smoker of many cigarettes. Recipient of Mr. Peterson's affections.

Nurse Hunter: Pretty as a picture and ruthlessly effective. Recipient of Markham's dubious affections.

SECURITY SECTION

Major Ian Guthrie: Head of Security, whose unenviable task it is to keep St Mary's safe, despite all their best efforts. An incredibly competent and on-the-ball man.

Mr. Markham: Security guard. Small, grubby and disaster-prone. Reputedly indestructible – which is just as well.

Big Dave Murdoch: Gentle giant.

RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT

Professor Rapson: Head of R&D. Lives in his own world. Responsible for the destruction of the Clock Tower and the disastrous Icarus experiment. Apparently unaware of the properties of methane.

Doctor Dowson: Librarian and Archivist. Also not quite up to speed re methane. Makes very good tea. And sympathy. And strops, if you mess up the books. Incredible strops.

IT DEPARTMENT

Isabella Barclay: Head of IT. Professional bitch. Short, spiteful and redheaded. Gossip says she harbours an unrequited passion for Farrell.

Polly Perkins: Technician. Sweetheart.

OTHERS

Mrs Mack: Kitchen Supremo. Do Not Cross. Sweet and treat-dispensing once you get on her good side.

Jenny Fields: Kitchen Assistant and dodo advocate. Very quiet, very brave.

Mrs De Winter: Retired schoolteacher. Possibly (?) also a Muse. As in, goddess. As in, don’t ask don’t tell.

Rosie Lee: PA to Max. On paper. Possibly (?) a harpy. Do not ask for tea. You will not like the results.

Turk: Officially a horse. Possibly (probably?) demonic

THE VILLAIN: Clive Ronan. Dark, nondescript, impassive and deadly. Straight up stone cold son of a bitch. With brains. Was a Historian, went rogue, turned completely round the bend. Dies repeatedly and impressively, keeps getting around it via timeline shenanigans.

ALSO CAST

Assorted armies, raptors, crocodiles, stonemasons, woodcutters, nobility, notable figures, royalty, rabble, and hostile contemporaries too numerous to mention.

Writing Style

Rollicking on the surface, racy at points, and rocky with emotional craters in the depths, this series is like a bag of potato chips. Once you start, you just can’t stop!

As you’ve probably intuited already, the style is chatty, approachable, raunchy, funny, dry and BRITISH. As in ‘I have the attention span of a tea bag’, one of the series catch phrases. Saint Mary’s ribs each other constantly in love and comradery. If they’re being polite, they don’t like you. And Max’s narrative voice is full of comments like ‘and then I got it. I’m not bright. I mentioned I’m not bright, right?’

It’s satisfying, it’s giggle inducing, and it is a ton of fun.

The Moves

Plot

The series is structured as an adventure-of-the-day, with an assignment forming the basis of each plotline. Whether they’re headed to Troy or Tudor England, the assignment takes center stage. But there are always references to what has come before…or after…or…it’s complicated, when you travel in time for a living. The incredible weirdness and amazing entanglements created by things in the future causing things in the past, an individual’s personal future involving a trip to the Cretaceous, and all such shenanigans, and things get WILD. For all its entanglements, Taylor always keeps ahold of the thread. And when the author pulls and all the pieces fall right into place, it is a sight to behold.

Overall Rating

A rollicking, racing, tea-soaked British delight. You’re in for a treat.

[mca-attack21]

Semi-Flayed

Steve Harrington x Reader. Season 3 finale spoilers.

The floor was cold, the atmosphere chaotic. The screams of your friends were drowned out by the fireworks and snarls of the mindflayer. Despite the noise, you clearly heard Billy, or the Mindflayer rather, whisper, “Stay still, it will all be over soon," his words sent ice through your veins. You struggled against his grasp, but it was no use. Realizing the imminence of your demise, you felt an overwhelming sadness, not even for yourself, but for Steve Harrington, the first and apparently last love of your life. As the “flaying” began, he was the only thing on your mind. You hoped that he would survive this, that he would get out of Hawkins, that he would be happy. You hoped-

“Y/N!” Steve screamed as he blew his cover to run to your side.

This caught the attention of Eleven, who managed to use her powers to throw Billy away from you. She fell back against Mike. The rest of the kids were still blasting the mind flayer with fireworks. Steve used the opportunity to pick you up and carry you away from the action.

“Y/n? Can you hear me? You gotta wake up okay? I did not survive being tortured by Russians only to have you be flayed before I could even-” his voice broke, and before he could continue, he was rounding the corner to where Dustin was.

“Shit. Is she okay?”

“I don’t know. Billy - the mind flayer- how do we know if she? What if she was?” Steve tried, but his heart couldn’t even handle the idea of you being lost to him.

“She wasn’t flayed.”

“How do you know?” Steve asked reluctant to be relieved.

“The hive mind is activated, she would be awake and trying to kill us if she was,” Dustin explained.

“Then why isn’t she waking up?”

“I don’t know Steve, but we have bigger problems right now,” he said gesturing to the fact that they were almost out of Fireworks.

Steve hesitantly left your side to help the others and watched in absolute shock as Billy sacrificed himself. It was only moments later that the mind flayer collapsed. It was over. Jonathan hugged Nancy, Mike went to Eleven, Lucas held Max as she cried, and both Steve and Dustin turned towards you.

“Y/n wake up!” Steve tried shaking your shoulders. He lowered his head to your chest to hear your heart beating and feel your breathing, “Y/n, c’mon, I need you to wake up,” he tried again, sounding more desperate.

Before he could continue, the FBI came running in and they were all escorted out. Steve barely managed to convince the EMT to let him ride with you. He was stuck in the waiting room for what seemed like forever, shrugging off the nurses who offered to check out his injuries. Dustin, Mike, Nancy, and Jonathon came in, gathering in silence waiting for any news. The worst part for Steve was when your mother showed up, he had never felt more guilty than when he lied to her about what happened.

Eventually, the doctor came out with a flustered look on his face. He asked for your mom, and Steve quickly stood to join them. The doctor protested, but your mom assured him that Steve should come with her.

“So, I don’t know how to tell you this, but as far as we can tell there is nothing physically wrong with your daughter. She is seemingly in a coma with no cause. As such, there is nothing medically we can do other than sustain her condition if you choose to do so,” he then turned to Steve, “Can you run me through what happened again?” Steve managed to recount his story, trying to ignore your mother's sobs. As soon as he finished, he exited the room in shock, he sunk down to the floor, struggling to breathe, replaying the doctor's words over and over again in his head. His chest was filled with immense pain at the thought of losing you.

He sat there a while trying to calm himself down before forcing himself off the wall and back to the waiting room, where Will, Mrs. Byers, and Eleven had joined the others. All eyes went to him expectantly, but with one look at him Dustin said what they were all thinking, “Shit..."

Steve repeated what the doctor had said, Nancy pulled him into a comforting hug. While the others started brainstorming. There was an hour of outrageous theories until finally, Will realized something, “She wasn’t completely flayed, but the process was definitely initiated.”

“Obviously,” Dustin chimed in.

“But what is flaying? It’s like your identity being ripped away from you and replaced with the host mentality,” Will continued.

“So maybe Y/n’s soul or whatever was separated. Nothing medically wrong with her, because that’s not a physical connection” Mike added.

“So in other words, we have to jumpstart the connection again,” Lucas agreed, and then all eyes shifted to El.

“Do you think you could try to find her? Like you did Billy or Heather?” Mike asked.

“I can try,” El nodded.

Dustin walked over to where Steve was laying with his head in Mrs. Byers' lap. She ran her fingers through his hair like she had for her sons so many times, mind wandering to Hopper. Steve looked so broke, like he had given up any hope.

“We need to get into Y/n’s room, we think we know how to fix her,” Dustin announced.

It was like that swiped a switch in Steve, and he popped up at once, “What do you mean?”

Dustin explained everything to Steve and Mrs. Byers, and then again in layman's terms. From there the whole group formed a plan. Mrs. Byers and Nancy would go distract your mom. Dustin, Mike, and Will would distract the nurses. Steve and El would sneak into your room, while Jonathon kept watch. For once, everything went smoothly.

El was searching the cabinets for something to cover her eyes with, and Steve handed her the red ascot from his Scoops uniform. She went to your side and took your hand, instantly being transported into your consciousness.

It was dark, unlike anything she had ever experienced before. Every step she took was echoing, the entire reality was glitching in and out, but there was no sign of you.

“Y/n?” she called out.

The blackness would flash to a scene of you and then back to the nothingness, “Y/n, can you hear me?” El tried again, “I need you to focus on my voice, and I can bring you back. I’ll bring you back home, back to Steve.”

At the mention of Steve, the glitching stopped and El could see you know for the first time, you laid on the ground folded into yourself. You were pale and shaking, looking only a moment away from death. As she got closer she could hear you softly repeating, “Please don't, I'm sorry.” There was no indication that you knew she was there. She touched you lightly on the shoulder, but it didn’t phase you.

“Y/n? We need to get out of here, I need your help,” she tried, again receiving no response. The glitching started again, each time putting more and more distance between the two of you. El knew that you wouldn’t survive it much longer.

In the hospital room, Steve watched as blood trickled down Eleven’s face. He didn’t know why it was taking so long. He tried to get an idea of what was happening through the one-sided conversation that he was hearing, but even that was being drowned out by his fear of losing you, What if this didn’t work? The lights started flickering, the machines in the room going nuts, and then suddenly Eleven called his name, “I need you to talk to her, to bring her back.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Steve, we don't have time, just talk to her!”

“Okay….Uhm...Y/n? It’s Steve. Your boyfriend,” he started, feeling extremely uncomfortable, before his emotions took over. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t there to protect you. I’m here now though, and I need you to come back to me. I need you to wake up, cause you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I don’t want to lose you. Not now, not ever. Please Y/n. I love you so much, please wake up." As he finished, everything went black, the entire hospital lost power.

In your head, every nightmare you had ever had was playing through your mind. You were cold and afraid, feeling lost beyond anything you have ever felt. Whatever was happening to you it was killing you, you could feel it draining you. A strange numbness started to overtake you. You weren’t giving up, you were running out of fight. Just as you were trying to prepare yourself for whatever would come next, you heard a familiar voice, “Okay….Uhm...Y/n? It’s Steve. Your boyfriend.” Hearing his voice made everything stop. A warmth filled you, and you forced your eyes open, seeing Eleven.

"El?" you asked weakly.

“You’re going to be fine, I’m here,” she reassured, moving towards you and taking your hand.

The next thing you remember was hearing Steve’s voice, “Are you okay?” he asked, you forced your eyes open to see who he was talking to.

“I’ll be fine,” Eleven reassured him, wiping her nose.

“Everything was going crazy in here and then the power went out...Is she okay now?"

Suddenly Eleven’s face lit up, “Why don’t you ask her yourself?”

You had never seen Steve turn around so quickly in his life, a wide smile on his face as he practically dove onto your bed holding you like his life depended on it. “Nice to see you too,” you laughed. God did he love that laugh, and that smile, and you.

“I am so glad that you are okay,” he sighed, allowing himself to relax a little for the first time since he had found out about the Russian code from Dustin.

“Are you okay?” you asked running your finger lightly across his cheek. His eye was swollen and undoubtedly painful. His lip was busted and his nose was also bruised and swollen. In other words, he looked like he got into a fight with his hands tied behind his back.

He put his hand over yours and pulled it down to his chest over his heart as he had done so many times before, “It’s worse than it looks, I promise. I’m just glad you're okay.”

You were going to ask him what happened but were interrupted by the kids coming in excitedly. They were vividly telling you everything that happened after you were “Semi-flayed” as Will had coined it. You listened to every word, happy to know that it was all over. Their commotion gained the attention of the nurse, who proceeded to kick everyone out. Well, everyone but Steve who was practically glued to your side.

She went back to find the doctor and notify your mother, promising to bring back the ice that you requested for Steve’s eye. There were more happy reunions, followed by another round of tests, and finally, you were discharged. Joyce took Will, Jonathan, Dustin, and Lucas home. Nancy took Mike and Eleven back to her house. Your mom went back to your house and you went with Steve to his.

You both were exhausted but found it hard to sleep.

“What happens now?” you asked innocently.

“What do you mean?”

“How do we move forward from this? I mean nothing can ever really be the same can it?”

Steve thought for a moment, “I think we grieve and heal, then we start looking for the little victories again until this is nothing more than a memory.”

You nodded, “I love you, Steve Harrington,” you spoke softly.

You missed the grin that spread across his face before he kissed your forehead, “I love you too.”

You laid like that for a while, it didn’t take Steve long to fall asleep. You thought about what he said. Tomorrow would be hard, and the day after that too, but eventually your life would become some type of normal again. You shifted to look at his face, careful not to wake him. You felt a sense of relief, knowing that as long as the two of you had each other, you could work through the rest.

[three--rings]

Word of Honor: Watch It Already

Yeah it’s time to do a rec post for real.  Because seriously, y’all, join me.

NOTE: All gifs in this post were made by @jingyans​, who very graciously allowed me to use them.  Please do not repost and go see her blog for all the gorgeousness!

What is it?

Word of Honor/ Shan He Ling/ 山河令 is a Chinese drama series with 36 episodes currently in the process of airing.  It is based on a danmei/BL webnovel by Priest called 天涯客/ Tian Ye Ke/ Faraway Wanderers.  (Which I have not yet read, so everything in this post will be based solely on the show as aired up to ep 11.)

It’s set in Fantasy Ancient China, much like previous popular series The Untamed and is part of the same general genre. 

What’s it about?

Okay.  So Zhou Zishu was the leader of the Window of Heaven/Tian Chuang, an organization of spies and assassins who worked for a prince.

He saw basically everyone he cared about/his entire sect killed for the organization, and he decides he wants out, but there’s no leaving alive.  He essentially manages to find a loophole by using a cruel fantasy method to basically slow poison himself, guaranteeing his death in three years.  But he’s free. 

Cut to six months later, when he’s living his best life being completely drunk in a gutter, disguised with a fake tan, terrible beard and general squalor.  He draws the attention of a mysterious gentleman, our love interest Wen Kexing.

Wen Kexing completely fixates on Zhou Zishu (or Zhou Xu, as he introduces himself), declaring him incredibly beautiful, despite his rough state, and starts a bit of light stalking.

These two have a lot of humorous bantering around, before eventually stumbling into the plot in the form of a young teen boy who is the only surviving member of his brutally murdered clan.  They are tasked with taking him to someone trustworthy and thus the two equally mysterious warriors now have an adopted son together. 

That’s the basic set-up, and the show is pretty much evenly split between really adorable flirting, wacky hijinks, and operatic political drama plot.  All of these typically involve fight scene choreography.  Though, to be fair, I’ve seen less than a third of the show at this point, though I have something of a feel for what is coming from people watching it without English subs.

So...about that romance?

Look, there’s no beating around the bush here, I really can’t imagine being into this show if you’re not into the idea of a prominent romance between two male characters.  The novel, being danmei, is blatantly a queer romance, but this is China, which means censorship. 

**And I’m only saying this because this is tumblr, and no one cares what we think here, but, look, it’s a freaking miracle this show passed censorship because it is NOT subtle at all in its gayness.  The plot...really doesn’t make sense without a romantic aspect, and it’s really hard to miss.  It’s so blatant, that it’s hard to watch without remarking on it, which means a lot of people are afraid of the show being pulled or edited by the government before it’s done airing.  There’s precedence for that happening.  Seemingly even the makers are concerned, hence them releasing 9 episodes a week, up from the original 4.  So please, if you do watch it, don’t go yelling in the comments or on twitter or wherever about how it’s showing up the Chinese government’s censorship or whatever because that’s putting people’s careers in real danger, not to mention harming the show.**

ANYWAY.  The romance involves a HUGE amount of flirting, mostly initially from WKX to ZZS, but fairly soon they start throwing around the word “zhiji” aka “soulmate” to describe what they mean to each other.  If this seems very blatantly romantic, it IS, but it can also describe a platonic connection, which is how they manage to get away with this.  Still, it’s swoon-worthy honestly.  The mood for me is a very good period romance, because I’m wildly flailing about their sleeves touching or hands brushing over here, so if that’s your jam, please join us.

I’m going to get into slightly more spoilers under a cut, because I think it’s very fun to watch the show without knowing ANYTHING about it, but if you need further convincing/specifics please follow me.

The show also seems to involve a lot of alternating fluff and angst, which, let’s be honest here, is kinda what we like right?  It seems like they don’t want to keep us in pain for more than an episode or so without some resolution, but then new pain happens again.  These two break up and get back together a lot, is what I’m saying. 

Why should I watch it?

Like most good danmei, the show balances deep romance with interesting and exciting plot, but the characters are the real stand-outs here.  Both male leads are older than your average drama protagonists, somewhere close to 30.  And they are both essentially villains.  Not just characters with dark pasts, but really the bad guys of other people’s stories.  The novel is actually a sequel to a totally different romance, and at least ZZS was an antagonist in that story. 

(Above: Evil is a good look on Wen Kexing.)

But here we have two very morally dubious characters: one who has given up that life and one who is still actively causing harm, and the story is about how they connect and change as a result.  (Again, I’m drawing slightly on what others have said of where the story is going and also just making assumptions.) 

If you have a moral problem with loving and shipping dark characters, this isn’t the show for you, no matter how cute it may appear.  This isn’t a “pure” couple, no matter how little on-screen sexuality we will get.  But if you love exploring morality and complicated characters who don’t always make the right choices, like I do, this is Your Thing.

Thankfully, the scriptwriter has come out and said there will be a happy ending for the main couple, at least.  So there’s that to hold on to as we face the angst and pain that is inevitably coming.  (From the novel I hear, yes, there’s some serious suffering in store.) A lot of us thought the show looked light and fun and now...we’re gonna be in pain.  So consider this fair warning as well. 

There’s also a cast of very easy to like side characters, in particular the “kids” A-Xiang (WKX’s servant) and Cheng Ling, the boy they rescue.  There’s also a colorful cast of villains that have huge amounts of style if nothing else. 

Downsides?

So the show was made on a VERY limited budget.  Overall I think they did a fantastic job.  But the seams DO show from time to time.  There’s not a lot of CGI (which is a good thing imo) but sometimes there are very obvious places they didn’t have the resources they needed, like crowd scenes made of the same 4 actors cut and pasted again and again, lol.  However, I think they did a great job on the costumes for the most part, and the sets look nice. 

There’s also been some criticism for the makeup which ZZS wears in eps 2-5, his disguise.  He’s meant according to the novel to look totally different and ugly.  But in reality he has a tan, some small scars, a painted on beard, and is dirty and disheveled.  Making his skin darker and calling that “ugly” is an unfortunate trope. I think the criticism is valid to an extent, but I hope it won’t destroy anyone’s enjoyment of the show. The makeup is gone forever midway through ep 6. 

Where can I watch it?

I’m going to assume most people reading this will be looking for a version subbed in English.  That is available on Youtube on the Youku official channel.  As of this typing, they have released 11 episodes with subs.  There are no fansubs otherwise available.  The Chinese language release is somewhere around ep 20-something? That is available through the Youku website. I believe their release schedule has the last episode coming out around March 23, but we’ll be weeks behind for the English version.  (Pardon the lack of a direct link to YT, but just search Word of Honor and you’ll find it.  If I have links tumblr will disappear my post.)

So please, come join us in this hell.  It’s been a while since a ship hit me so incredibly quickly and a lot of people have the same feeling, it seems.  Give it a few episodes, and see if you’re not WILDLY in love by episode six.  (Before that I was in like.  After episode six I wrote emergency fanfic.) (Episode six pictured below.)

[absolutebl]

10 Best Kisses in Thai BL 

Type kissing Tharn after playing with his hair in TharnType - Type’s emotional agency and affection finally come out in this kiss from probably the kissiest couple in all BL 

Dean kissing Pharm for the first time in Until We Meet Again - it’s a goddam icon with that red thread and the way Pharm’s arms sneak around Dean’s neck 

Fighter kissing Tutor on the rooftop after the countdown in Why R U? - the symbolism of Fighter being blinded to his own sexual identity and then admitting it to Tutor outright after the kiss, gah 

King kissing Ram in a drunken rage at the end of My Engineer - flipping heck, such a good kiss, then the way Ram takes it over and turns it back on him, you know Ram is going to be an intense lover, it’s his only way of communicating 

Win & Tops kissing each other after their hug in Ingredients the series - the only mutual on this list, neither initiates, it just happens and it’s so cute + the way each character reacts is so pitch perfect 

Forth kissing Beam in the hospital bed in 2 Moons 2 - Forth’s aggression is so well done in 2m2, and it suits friends-to-lovers so much better than other romance tropes because Beam knows exactly what kind of person Forth is and this kiss is him finally accepting that  

Tul kissing Hin after 20 odd years of wanting to in Love By Chance 2 - they have so little screen time and such killer chemistry, I wonder sometimes if they were left to the wayside because TinCan comes off as utterly flat by comparison 

Mark kissing Kit’s neck after he was injured in Gen Y - I know it’s not a lip kiss but neck kisses are a personal favorite and SO RARE in BL that I’m sticking it in, I do love their aggressive kinky bitting kisses, but this is the first really tender one 

Pete grabbing and dragging Kao back to kiss in Dark Blue Kiss - my favorite thing about PeteKao is that Tay and New manage to portray a legitimate LTR and this kiss is a perfect example of that 

The final kiss between Sarawat & Tine in Still 2gether - we all waited a really really long time and it was perfectly done, also seeing Tine with sexual agency was, frankly, a relief 

For me the kiss needs to have emotion underpinning it, as well as a chemical draw, and a physical appeal. I need to sense that these two characters genuinely like each other in all three ways. 

I ran into an interesting video once about actors kissing and what makes for a good screen kiss. There’s chemistry, of course, but there is also something in the way the two have to breathe with (and kind of into) each other. Like a synchronized dance. When I harp on about actors and physicality this is part of that.

So I based my picks are based on seeing 

emotional + physical + chemical

all represented on screen together. 

As such, you will notice some vacancies.

Honorable mention to: 

Kong & Arthit’s first kiss in SOTUS for Kong’s little smile. Krist & Singto have good emotional and chemical connection but I never got any physical chemistry from them. I still love SOTUS because I just pretend they’re ace, but it does impact their kisses. 

Ae & Pete’s first kiss in the car in Love By Chance because of the raw awkwardness and the sweet conversation that surrounds it. I love these two best in all BL, but while Saint gives us all three, I rarely get physical from Perth. While this works under context of the narrative, it’s a reason none of their kisses made my top 10. 

Missing Babies

Phun & Noh in Love Sick are one of my all time favorite pairs, but aside from one off-cut kiss (when Noh grabs Phun in the hotel room) they mostly don’t and when they do it’s not good. Same with Fuse & Tea in Make it Right. I suspect this is mostly to do with the fact that the actors were minors at the time.

You all know I LOVE Oxygen, but I don’t think Slo & Gui ever gave the necessary physicality, much as I adore their emotional resonance. Similarly, while I LOVE Can kissing Tin in front of everyone on the football field, the two actors have no chemistry. Sorry, that’s just how i feel. 

It does deserve to be mentioned though, because it is the only public ownership kiss we have in BL. (It’s an EXTREMELY common trope in western het romances of course - it comes from “kiss the bride” ownership.) 

Top 3 Not Thai BL Kisses 

1. Hsia Yu Hao & Qiu Zi Xuan and their amazing net kiss in HIStory 2: Crossing the Line. Just, so stylish. I limited myself to Thai BL only, because otherwise I would have had to include this kiss and bump someone else out of top 10, and I just couldn’t stand the idea. But yeah, these two demonstrate a perfect execution of emotional + chemical + physical in short form drama, and they have to be acknowledged for that achievement. 

2. We Best Love’s Shi Yi kissing Shi De for the first time. I don’t have a good screen cap of Shu Yi’s confession kiss but it’s so good, it hits all three elements but manages to also have pining, frustration, realization, hope, fear, and competition elements. They are both crying and they lean into each other in a way that’s both gentle, loving, and desperate. 

3. The final kiss in To My Star between Seo Joon and Ji Woo is the the only Korea-made BL to make this list (no big surprises there). Korea and Japan are notorious for the “dead fish peck kiss” which is almost a “why bother at all?” situation (to be fair it’s not just BL but all romances). What TMS did was play on that expectation. It gave us several of these sad little kisses, and then twisted it so we could see that they were all the result of Ji Woo’s walls, and that after those walls crumble he is soft and sweet and all the attraction is mutual. It did that by giving us a truly beautiful last kiss that used emotional + physical + chemical combined with teasing affection (a bit like Sarawat & Tine’s final kiss in Still 2gether). TMS is one of those BLS that REALLY benefits from rewatching, and the kissing is only one aspect of that. 

Okay, that’s it. Who’d I forget? 

(I should note that H3: Trapped, Manner of Death, Long Time No See are not on the list because I don’t consider them BL.) 

New entrants: 

Second Chance kiss between Fah and Paper in ep 3 is just so full of tea angst and anxiety. It’s a pitch perfect YA style first kiss. 

Self doing a deep dive in what makes for a good kiss in BL from a watcher’s perspective. Too much details? Is there ever? 

[autisticandroids]

Okay so this was a while back but im preety sure you had mentioned an au of yours where dean is a serial killer and cas successfully stalks him but i don't think you talked about it more than that and i just really want to hear a bit more bc that idea sounds so tastefully fucked up

okay so. weeks later i finally end up answering this ask. it inspired this post btw. anyway spn is a show that's like. all about justifications, as i said in the post inspired by this ask. it's about having no choice and doing what you have to do. and like there is the phantasy embedded in it, a phantasy that is both indulged and punished. but most importantly it's justified. the monsters are super strong to show how brave our heroes are for fighting them, the main characters let out great wails of grief every time their lady loves are violently ripped from them (even though now they are free to do whatever they want), the narrative twists to show our heroes as correct whatever they do. the fantasy (of being allowed to enact violence, of being free from feminine "control," of being right) comes first. the material construction of the universe of supernatural comes afterward. whatever the fantasy is, the universe of supernatural will provide material conditions to justify its acting-out.

and what this means is that our protagonists, dean in particular, are constantly doing just horrific things, which in any other circumstance would be unconscionable. but the universe of supernatural provides justification for these acts. the point of my serial killer au which i think about so so so much is to ask the question: what if these justifications melted out from under their feet? what if dean was left holding nothing but a lie and the weight of everything he's done?

therefore, the premise of my au is such (under the cut because this baby is long):

john and mary winchester, in the mid seventies, joined a doomsday cult known as the men of letters. the men of letters were rather unusual for a doomsday cult, in that they believed that the apocalypse could be prevented by human behavior. this started as correct living, correct worship, yadda yadda, the kind of behavior and thought control that cults are known for, but with the justification of: if you don't do this, the world will end. eventually, this escalated to human sacrifice. the men of letters managed to untraceably kill two homeless people in the late seventies. but they eventually fell apart. however, a month after john and mary left the men of letters (mostly john's choice, mary still believed), mary died in a house fire. john took it as a sign from god that actually, the men of letters were right, and the world would end unless john himself did something about it. so he took some of the (intensely numerological) theology of the men of letters. and he worked out his own formula. and he applied it to the yellow pages. and started ritualistically killed people to prevent the apocalypse, with his two sons in the back of the car.

now, obviously, this is some kind of grief induced temporary madness on john's part, shaped by the mental abuse he suffered in the men of letters. but the thing is, once you've killed a couple of people to prevent the apocalypse. well. there's this thing called the sunk costs fallacy. john wasn't gonna question his own beliefs after that.

and he raised his boys to believe it, too, or at least he raised dean to. they didn't tell sam what they did until he was twelve, and sam didn't buy it, tried to call the cops on them several times but in the end, they always prevented him. eventually sam ran off to stanford, where he now lives under a cloud of guilt that he's too loyal to his family to rat them out.

john died a few years back of a heart attack, but dean is convinced it's because he messed up a ritual two weeks before it happened, so it pushed him further into this belief system.

dean's killings (and john's before him) are ritualistic and distinctive, obviously the same killer each time. but they happen anywhere in the united states, seemingly at random, there are inconsistent amounts of time between each one (sometimes as short as days, sometimes as long as years), and there is no particular victim profile. obviously, since our killers are following an arcane mathematical formula to make their choices for them, but the police don't know that.

castiel novak is an unemployed shut-in with a small inheritance which he's living off of, a cryptography degree, and an obsession with all things morbid. he spends most of his time on the reddit true crime forums, playing amateur sleuth. by complete chance, he happens to recognize one of the symbols frequently used in corpse displays by the so-called sioux falls satanic slaughterer (so named because the first time three of his victims were in the same part of the country, it so happened that they were all in sioux falls, south dakota. this was in the late eighties.) as being mostly only used by a little known cult group called the men of letters, which dissolved in the mid eighties.

he only notices this because, as a teen, he had a special interest in cults and fringe religious groups. the men of letters weren't a particularly notable or well known phenomenon; they were small, and a lot like every other cult that formed during the seventies cult boom. (no outsider ever heard about the human sacrifice; there were rumors, of course, but they were garbled, sensationalized, and mixed up with satanic panic fodder.)

(the men of letters' two sacrifices were nothing particularly romantic or fantastical. they first lured panhandler josie sands back to their compound with promises of food and a warm bed when she admitted she couldn't get a bed at a shelter, and was thinking of getting caught shoplifting just so she could be under a roof in the county jail. the men of letters' leader, a man who took on the name alistair, forced his inner circle to dress in the ceremonial black robes he had given them when he initiated them into his nearest and dearest, and which his wife had sewn out of old bed sheets and dyed black with home made oak gall dye. these robes still left black smudges on the wearer's skin occasionally if they sweated too much. josie was laid, bound, on the altar, a slapdash thing constructed over the course of two days from scrap plywood and a couple of milk crates. a rich red tablecloth purchased at macy's for $3.99 hid its ugliness and gave it grandeur. alistair attempted to kill the struggling miss sands by bringing a sharpened kitchen knife down on her bosom and piercing her heart, but, having never killed a human or even slaughtered an animal before, was unaware of the problem presented by the human ribcage. after rather ineffectually poking at the area beneath sands' bosom with his knife while she shrieked in pain and terror for about ninety seconds, alistair tried a different tack, and slit her throat, which worked just fine, and she bled out quite nicely. the second and final victim of the men of letters was a local vagrant named larry ganem, an older gentleman who walked with a limp. he was lured back to the compound in approximately the same manner as sands, but instead of being bound, he was fed stew laced with sleeping pills. even if alistair hadn't slit his throat, he wouldn't have woken up. it's actually arguable whether he was still alive at time of sacrifice; mary winchester (eight months into her first pregnancy), who, as a member of the inner circle, was in attendance, actually tried to take ganem's pulse as he lay on the altar (now covered by a different tablecloth; the red one had turned stiff with sands' blood and been subsequently burned) and found nothing, so it is entirely possibly only sands' death can be directly laid at alistair's feet, and ganem's is the fault of mrs. ellen harvelle, who prepared the laced stew. regardless, these two deaths are lessons in the nature of human evil: it is very rarely skilled, suave, or smooth. it's often slapdash, half-hearted, and just plain incompetent. but that makes it no less grisly. alistair may have begun to drink his own kool-aid, as it were, and escalated this far out of genuine belief that the apocalypse was coming and it was up to him to stop it, but it is far more likely that he sensed the imminent collapse of his little empire, and wanted to bind his subjects to him through the horrors of shared guilt, considering two lives a small price to pay for the continued loyalty of his inner circle. and the tactic worked: the men of letters didn't start to collapse in earnest until almost four years later. perhaps if alistair had continued the killings, the men of letters could have lasted for far longer, maybe even up until the present day. but it seems that alistair, a psychiatrist by training and unused to violence, simply didn't have the stomach for it. unlike, say, john winchester, who before his time with the men of letters had done a two year tour in vietnam, during which he had killed three living, thinking human beings with the american government's go-ahead.)

anyway. castiel is the first person, ever, to make the connection between the men of letters and the sioux falls satanic slaughterer. and once that connection is made, castiel begins to research the men of letters far more in-depth. and he notices something: the theology of the men of letters was intensely numerological, filled with patterns, significant numbers, and even spiritual equations.

castiel thinks of the seemingly random selection of the slaughterer's victims, and has an epiphany.

he cracks all his fingers, and gets coding.

six months. it takes castiel six months to discover an equation that could fit the slaughterer's pattern. it's complex, but also clearly based on several of the men of letters' holy numbers, and accounts for every single one of the killings. it also suggests that there should have been two or three more deaths scattered across the years, but more than likely those did happen, it's just that they weren't reported as part of the slaughterer's portfolio.

but much more importantly, castiel's model can also make predictions. there will be two killings, fifteen days apart, in a city seven hours' drive away, six weeks from now.

so castiel waits. and he books a hotel room. and two months later, he's waiting outside 217 oak street when a shadowy figure climbs up a tree and lets itself into the upstairs window.

dean winchester is feeling particularly all alone in the world when he breaks into maisey banks' home (217 oak street). his father has been dead for half a decade, and he hasn't spoken to his baby brother for twice that. it's not like this whole grizzly saving the world business makes him a lot of friends. so once he's done killing maisey (which is easy, she was ninety three and dying of cancer anyway. she doesn't even wake up when he slits her throat) and arranging her corpse in the appropriate manner, with prayers and sigils, he turns around. and sees a man standing behind him.

smiling slightly.

as he watches dean gut this old woman.

dean freezes.

the man takes a step forward.

"you're very attractive for a serial killer who's been operating since the eighties."

dean is silent.

"family business, is it?"

silence continues.

"i'm not here to report you to police. i'm just here to see if my algorithm worked right."

and dean finally breaks his silence: "what the hell is wrong with you?"

what's fun here is that dean knows (or rather "knows") that he isn't a serial killer. so he finds what cas is doing, this amoral serial killer stormchasing, morally repugnant. because cas has no way of knowing he isn't a regular serial killer.

there's also the fact that that cas proceeds to flirt with him. aggressively. and follows him back to his motel.

but the thing is that dean is all alone in the world. and as cas continues trailing him around, he starts getting, well, flattered. and feeling a little bit less alone.

it doesn't take very long before they fall into bed. even if cas is an amoral stalker with a fetish for what dean considers a distasteful yet necessary vocation.

so. they fall into bed. they fall in love. they make a little life together, in dean's big sexy car. dean tries to explain to cas that he's saving the world. that these people's lives are a necessary price to pay. and cas seems to listen.

of course, castiel doesn't believe a word of it. but he's found that he likes dean. really likes him. and he realizes that the collapse of dean's belief system would destroy him.

so he sets about becoming as complicit in it as possible.

even to the extent where, when dean is hit by a car and ends up into the hospital a day before one killing is meant to take place, castiel agrees to take on the job. (he doesn't actually kill anyone, obviously. but he does use his extensive skill with computers to create three fake newspaper articles which make it look like he has.)

but five years later, something goes wrong. really, really wrong. dean miscalculates the formula. and by the time he checks his work, the actual date of the next kill, as demanded by the formula, has passed. in fact, so have three others. and the world didn't end.

dean collapses. he hyperventilates. all those people. all those people. for no reason. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people.

cas seems totally unfazed. dean stares at him in shock. but cas just takes dean in his arms, and whispers in his ear: "oh, dean, i never believed in the equation. i love you no matter what you've done."

and dean buries his face in cas' chest.

[shurisneakers]

shut in [10]

Summary: When your high profile mission goes terribly wrong, you’re forced to hide in a safehouse with a man you’ve never met before. With seemingly nowhere else to go, you’re forced to work together to figure out who is trying to have you assassinated before it’s too late. (Sam Wilson x Reader, Hitman AU)

Warnings: cursing, anxiety, ptsd, shooting, abuse

Word count: 2.8k

A/N: double digit chapter!!! like 3 parts to go everyoneeee woo!!

i also appreciate feedback so if you would like to, please consider dropping me an ask or comment ly guys!!

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous Part || Shut In Masterlist

The nostalgia was strong. 

The last time you and Sam were sitting like this, you were deciding on what to make of the bread supply that was now dwindling. The soup had ran out maybe a day or two ago and you were left with just bread, peanut butter and jelly.

You two had to devise an escape plan. You’d been there long enough and now with Sam making his first public appearance as Mob’s Most Wanted, even if it was for a good cause, there was no doubt that people would be after you.

“What if we go back to Ransone and let the rest sort itself out along the way?”

You made a note of it on the paper but you weren’t very convinced with the idea, not with the realisations you had made along the way.

“Do we know any other hideouts?” you asked instead, tapping the pencil against the paper.

“None that you don’t already know.” He chewed on his lip thoughtfully. “What are your thoughts on caves? Think we can make a bed outta some leaves?”

You wrote down ‘Sam’s cave idea’, just to humour him. Stupid, but more plausible than other options.

“If we make a run for it, what are the chances we’ll survive?”

“With law enforcement, civilians and gang members looking for us, I’d give us about-” you said candidly, “-two months. Three max.”

It wasn’t like you had no experience running from the state, but it was never on this scale. 

“We’d have years if it was only law enforcement, but we had to go get the entire fuckin’ mafia involved,” he huffed in annoyance.

An idea occurred to you that made you pause, but you hated it.

“What if we split up?” you suggested halfheartedly. “It’ll take them more time to find the both of us, if they’re looking for us together.”

When he didn’t reply, you looked up at him from the sheet in front of you.

“We’re not splitting up,” he began steadily, just as you knew he would. “The same people who are after you are after me. We need to stick together.”

“I know. I’m not saying we can’t meet again after that, I’m saying that maybe it’ll be easier for us to hide.”

He couldn’t deny that it wasn't the worst idea, but something didn’t sit right with him. He didn’t want to do it.

“Okay, then how do we find each other after that? When? I don’t have your email; fuck that, I don’t even have your number.”

“We’ll schedule it, I guess,” you murmur, trying to work out the logistics. “Whoever gets there late has to buy ice cream. And I’m particular about the flavour I like.”

You tried to lighten up the mood but he wasn’t having it, as much as he appreciated it.

“I don’t care if it’s more difficult,” he said slowly. “But I’d like us to stick together. Not until we’re out of this mess. Then if you want to never see my face again, which you shouldn’t because it’s beautiful, we’ll go our different ways.”

He was adamant about it, and you knew he’d argue and poke holes into the plan until it didn’t make sense anymore. You weren’t going to argue.

“Okay,” you accepted. “We stick together.”

A smile spread across his face which equated to one of triumph. “You got any other ideas?” 

“We stay right here and fight off whoever comes.”

It was dumb. This place wasn’t yours, and staying here would be a death wish. That didn’t stop you from saying it since neither of you were holding back on implausible ideas.

“This is our house now,” Sam added with determination, playing along.

“Damn right,” you affirmed, cracking a smile at him.

Bringing your attention back, you stared at the list. There is one option you wanted to explore but you weren’t sure if you could because you didn’t have the resources. But he may.

“You got any friends whose help we could use?” you asked cautiously, unsure of how this would play out. 

He continued chewing on his lip for a second like he was analysing all options, before nodding. 

“I got a friend. Well, my only friend,” he corrects himself. “His name’s Riley.”

“He got a place we can stay, this Riley?”

“He does. But I don’t want to involve him. He’s-” he paused, trying to find the right words to frame what he’s thinking “-he’s been through a lot.”

“We’ll leave him alone then,” you assured, realising that it must be a touchy topic for him.

Sam didn’t move on, though. 

“I’m all ears if you want to talk,” you offered. 

He pressed his lips together, giving you a tight smile. He looked like he wanted to say more but was holding back. You reciprocated, hoping it would give him some reassurance, noting how he exhaled softly.

“When I joined the cartel, I didn’t really have anyone to talk to since everyone was much older than I was. Riley was the first friend I made. He was a mouthy li’l one.” Sam smiled wistfully and you found yourself smiling with him. “He talked so much shit and he had the spunk to back it up but he never really got that far because no one wanted to test their luck with him.”

“We spent whatever free time we had together. He didn’t have a family so he and I-” he trailed off but you knew what he was getting at. “Ransone found out. Didn’t like anyone in his stupid squad becoming all buddies because if we turned against him, he knew he’d lose.”

Shared experience. You didn’t have any friends in the organization either; they were always separated from you willingly or by force. You wondered if that’s why you had taken such a liking towards Sam, knowing fully well that it was the first time in years you were able to be friends with someone without having to worry.

“He started pittin’ us against one another. Combat training, preferential treatment, just plain out sabotage. Riley’s the reason my back’s all kinds of fucked up.” He gave a short laugh. “Tried everything he could to make sure we’d stay away or even kill each other if it came to that.”

“But you didn’t.”

“But we didn’t,” he confirmed. “Ransone fuckin’ hated it, so one day, he decided that he’s going to finish it once and for all. Sent us on a fake mission so that we’d be alone together, then told us that only one of us could come back. One of us had to die or else both of us would. Some sick fuckin’ form of entertainment.”

It was exactly something that Ransone would do. Dramatic, vile and utterly despicable, just for his own joy,

Your eyebrows knit together when his eyes glazed over. 

“Riley, he- he didn’t even let me have at the gun. Just straight up chose for the both of us that he was going to be the one who died. He was so tired, of everythin’.” The muscles in your jaw tightened at where this was going. “He didn’t do it though. We figured out another way.”

You didn’t realise how tensed you were until you forced yourself to relax.

“Faked his death.” He shrugged. “It was the only way. Let Ransone believe he bled out and that I buried him behind the warehouse he sent us to. Shot him in the leg to make it look convincing. He’s still got a limp.”

“He made a run for it. Found himself a place in New Orleans, changed his identity, basically made turned into a whole new person. Ransone bought it for a while because I’d make it a point to visit the grave, leave some flowers and shit. Told him that if he messed with it that I’d put a bullet in his head and I was angry enough for him to see that I wasn’t kidding. I knew he’d figure it out eventually but I was hoping I’d get rid of him by then.”

“He lived in New Orleans for years. Never had a problem until recently.”

Sam paused for a second, but it gave you the time to pull up an old conversation you had with him.

“He’s the one Ransone threatened you with,” you connected the dots. “He’s the one he found.”

“Said he’d kill him if I didn’t take out Pierce for him,” his words were bitter, confirming what you said. “Sent me a picture of him in front of his house to prove it.”

“Fuckin’ hell,” you breathed, leaning back. Sam’s situation was more dangerous than you initially thought. Having Riley in the picture just made it more difficult to help Sam get out of the organization, especially since he was now leverage material.

“You asked me once what the scariest thing I had done was.” You didn’t get immediately what he was talking about until you remember the questions you had asked to get to know him better. “It was that. Getting him out of this life and trying not to get caught in the process.”

You didn’t know what to say.

“He’s the only family I got left.” The way his voice dropped made him sound so tired. “He’s already on their radar. If they find out I’m staying with him or that he’s helping in any way, they’ll kill him.”

You didn’t say anything, not like you had anything constructive to offer at that moment.

“That got dark real quick,” he remarked, the corners of his lips quirking upward.

Clearly he didn’t have anyone to talk to about this. To explain the entire thing from the beginning must have drained him completely.

“I’m sorry that you had to go through that,” you said quietly.

He paused for a second, looking like he was thinking to himself.

“Me too.”

______

The sky’s beautiful, you decide.

You could stare at the clouds for hours.

Which is what the both of you have been doing.

“If you fucking say it’s anything other than a dog, I’ll push you off the roof myself.”

“It’s clearly a penguin, Samuel.”

“I hate you.”

The cement was cool against your skin even though there was a blanket serving as a mediator between you and it. The sun nipped at your skin and your back was aching from staying in the same place for a prolonged period.

Sam tended to think better when he was outside, unconstrained by harsh white walls and artificial light. So you grabbed a spare blanket, a bottle of water and the ladder to haul the both of you to the roof. It was filthy, as you expected but you managed to tidy a part of it to the best of your ability before laying the blanket down.

“I know why you brought me up here, Y/N,” he piped up.

You just knew that when you needed some space, he often implored you to go outside. You figured the best way to help him was to do the same, not knowing what else you could have to give.

“Just wanted to let you know that I appreciate it,” he added.

Okay good. It helped.

“That’s a tree.” You pointed upwards, avoiding his gaze.

“You get three more seconds to change that answer to a table.”

“That looks nothing like a table. You’re delusional.”

He laughed, not offering a counter argument.

The outside did him good. He was calmer than when you first came here a few hours ago. He didn’t let his spite towards Ransone show very often, especially at this volume. Talking about Riley only reaffirmed how much he despised the man.

“We need to get out of here eventually, you know?” you mused.

You don’t want to. You don’t want to admit that saying it out loud made it worse.

“We do,” he sounded sure and you wondered if he ever felt bad about it too, “but we need a proper plan.”

The clouds shifted. It looked like a kid on a bike; not that you’d ever tell him. He would never agree.

“We need help,” you stated.

“We can’t.” You knew he’d say that.

“You know we do, Sam.”

“There’s no one out there we can trust.”

You liked that he used ‘we’. The only other times you had been referred to as ‘we’ had been for things so sinister, so violent.

His elbow was touching yours lightly. You wanted to move closer, press against him.

“There’s one person who might be able to.”

He turned to look at you questioningly. You did the same.

You waited till he figured it out on his own. His face shifted the minute it clicked in his head.

“No way.” He turned away, almost laughing out of bewilderment.

“It’s our only option.”

“Then we’ll find another one,” he began to sound more insistent, realising you were being serious. It was a crazy idea, you’d give him that, but it’s the only one you had that had a sure shot of working.

“We’ve tried. You’ve tried. There’s only one way,” you knew that getting annoyed wouldn’t get through to him and you also understood his hesitations. “He’ll help.”

“We don’t know that. It’s too fuckin’ dangerous.” He couldn’t afford that; not this late in the game.

“I know it. Lis- Sam. Look at me,” you commanded gently, and he obeyed reluctantly. “I understand that this is absolutely batshit wild, but I promised I’d help you. This is the only way I can think of. But I need you to trust me.”

He looked unsettled.

He didn’t have anything to go on. Only your word and his faith in you. He could say no and he knew you’d spend countless hours pouring over multiple options just to find another way. He could say no and you’d take it in stride and he wouldn’t have to worry about it. It wasn’t about trusting you, it was about not trusting the others.

But he could also say yes and let you take control, trust your instincts. You had never let him down before and he knew you wouldn’t now. He could say yes and help you work on one solid plan that had equal chances of failing as it did being a success, but it was something that you could be sure of.

“I’ll tell you this though, Sam. You always have a choice.”

He felt your fingers trace at his face patiently. He scooted closer, letting your bodies press gently against each other.

“Okay,” he whispered. “I trust you.”

He didn’t know if he made the right choice or not, but the smile that appeared on your face made him think that maybe he did.

God, he was done for.

___

“You ready?” you asked him.

“No, but what the hell; let’s do it.”

You let it ring right to the very end.

“Hello.” It seemed gratuitous at this point because you knew the conversation wouldn’t proceed with that.

“Code?”

“1993.”

“Y/N. Hello,” his voice came back loud and clear.

“Hey.” You snuck a glance at Sam. He was completely stiff.

“How are you?”

“I’ve been… good,” you admitted.

“Oh?” he sounded amused. “That’s a change.”

“Yeah.” You shifted on your feet awkwardly. “Listen, I need help.”

“Help with?”

“We need to get out of here. We can’t do it without you. I mean we can, but it’d be better if you lent a hand.”

“When you say ‘we’, you’re referring to…”

“Me.” Sam stepped forward towards the phone. You shifted it so it was between you.

“Oh, hello,” he sounded surprised, and he had good reason to be. “You know about-”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Y/N, you trust him?”

“Yeah,” you looked up at Sam, “I do.”

“Alright. If shit goes wrong, you’re both fucked. I’m not taking any responsibility.”

“We get that,” you sighed. “Can you help or not?”

There was a momentary silence on the other end as he thought.

“Tell me what you had in mind.”

“We got a hit.”

They turned away from their conversation with the person walking beside them at the interruption.

“This better be important.” They gestured to their companion who looked annoyed at being interrupted. He was too dangerous to have on anyone’s bad side but the agent didn’t care. This was crucial.

“Someone saw him. Wilson.” He was breathless from the flight of stairs he had run to come upstairs.

“Where?” They could hardly believe their ears, restraining to contain the excitement that was threatening to rise.

“A town, miles away from Pierce’s place. Said he roamed around looking for a store, bought some food and then left.” His eyes shone. “We think we might know where they are. A rough sketch at least. Couldn’t follow him too far because he kept checking.”

“Finally,” their face gleamed, completely discarding the guest they had and the confusion on his face. “Some good fucking news.”

“Do you want us to put a hit out on them?” The relief the agent felt was almost overwhelming. His partner may have died but it didn’t look like he was going to.

“No,” they said crisply, certainly. “This one’s on me.”

Next part

[rollflasher]

So, since I’ve been fond of writing pseudo-essay type of posts regarding Sonic, I might as well do another one that’s similar to my hot take regarding Shadow, in particular involving a topic I talked about with some friends that involves the character.

Those who follow my blog will be aware that as time went on, I became a lot more critical of the idea of Eggman getting softened in a misguided attempt at making him more human, mostly because this in turn comes with the implication that he’s ‘’not so bad after all’’, despite the fact that the character’s selfish acts don’t match up with that. Well, there is another reason I have for thinking that keeping Eggman an evil bastard gives the character even more depth than what could be initially thought of and it specifically involves his connection with Shadow.

Both Eggman and Shadow are the extensions of Gerald’s will, and the contrast between the two characters’ agency is incredibly interesting to say the least.

Now let me explain what I mean by this, last time I wrote a whole essay about why Shadow’s agency in his devotion to justice is so important, and why he shouldn’t be tied to a morality pet in order to be an unambigous hero, but when you look at Eggman’s character there is a surprising contrast in his own agency and there’s a lot to be said about it.

Just like Sonic, canonically we don’t know much about Eggman’s past other than the fact that Gerald was his hero and role model, but what we do know is that we all did it together he didn’t know exactly what went down when the ARK got shut down, so we can confirm that for all intents and purposes Eggman most likely never angsted about his grandpa’s death, chances are he may have not been aware of it and by the time he did, he probably couldn’t care less by that point. (As a matter of fact, in SA2 when he mentions he found Gerald’s diary, he was more interested in the benefits he could get from it instead of what exactly happened to his grandfather) With this in mind, it’s safe to assume that Eggman did not endure a difficult childhood and probably it was quite the contrary, after all we are talking about a psychopatic manchild who’s massive ego has an endless hunger for attention, that ego had to come from somewhere.

This is a stark contrast with Shadow, who’s past we know very well, he has every reason to hate humans and do evil out of vengeance, whereas Eggman quite frankly lacks any reason whatsoever to hold grudges against the world.

Not only that, but unlike Shadow, Eggman’s motivations are completely selfish. When you think about it, Eggman has gotten chances to redeem himself, he’s worked with Sonic before and in the end of SA2, he got a moment to reflect with Tails...and yet, he still decides to be evil and if that wasn’t enough, with each game he appears to get progressively worse. Why? Because Eggman lacks empathy, he understands others' suffering but is too apathetic, as long as it doesn’t affect him it’s not his problem. All Eggman cares about is having the world all for himself, as he puts it, it doesn’t matter how much damage he causes as long as there is something to conquer, even if he has to enslave others or take lives for that matter. He doesn’t care about allies and when he does show care for his creations, he’s pretty much congratulating himself and we know from the E-Series robots’ perspective that living as Eggman’s creation is not pretty. This makes quite the contrast with how Shadow is troubled by the idea of making a bad use of his powers.

Okay, but what does this have to do with Eggman and Shadow being the extension of Gerald’s will? Simple, Eggman goes against everything his grandfather stood for, but in a way serves as a perfect representation of Gerald’s genius being used for wrong, and in a way mirrors how he ended when he eventually went insane.

Gerald dedicated his life to the benefit of mankind and was genuinely a good man who loved his creations as family, hence him considering Shadow his son, and he clearly cared about life-forms like him and Emerl having a soul and being individuals rather than weapons of war. Eggman in contrast only lives for his selfish desires and prefers a world where everyone is devoid of a soul, only living for the benefit of him. Meanwhile, Shadow being a hero out of his own will fits perfectly with the legacy old Gerald had, not because such role was imposed on him, but because that’s his nature.

When Gerald went insane, you can say that he became just as selfish as the people he condemned, because once he jumped the slippery slope, he only cared about satisfying his own wrath and eventually threw away his previous philanthropist ideals. In a way, while not motivated by revenge, Eggman fits perfectly with that selfishness that corrupted Gerald and could be seen as a representation of that darker side of the genius of the Robotnik family being used for malicious purposes.

Shadow represents the good legacy of Gerald while Eggman represents the darkness of it. Both characters had moments where they could have taken another path, but whereas Shadow eventually had the maturity to move on and do good because that’s the right thing to do regardless of having every reason to hold a grudge and not do so, Eggman chose to do evil because he simply refuses to change, the world never wronged him and gave him chances for an epiphany but the doctor is just too emotionally stunted and self-centered to ever change his ways, if there’s no Eggman Empire, life simply has no meaning for him.

Honestly, while Sonic will always be Eggman’s nemesis, I find it fascinating to notice just how deep Shadow and Eggman’s parallels could get, in a way, they can really reinforce the message that it’s choices what defines people, not their past. I think exploring the deeper implications of this makes the Robotnik family more interesting and even somewhat tragic, and is something that could have a lot of potential. Shame that IDW had the perfect chance to explore that but completely wasted it, but that’s besides the point.

Am I analysing a bit too much a franchise about a blue hedgehog? Probably, but it’s still pretty fun.

[virghogh]

Guessing NCT's rising signs: Huang Renjun as a Cancer rising

Welcome to my first post where I write all about why I think this idol is X rising sign! I don't know how many of these I'll do because it heavily depends on how confident I feel in my guess of their rising lol for Renjun's rising sign, it's something I've been sitting on for a loooong time just to see if anything else comes into my head. At the end of the day we really have no way to know for sure, even if the idols gives us their birth time it still has to be taken with a grain of salt! But it’s still fun theorize and to test your skills while learning at the same time. So for now I feel pretty confident sharing my thoughts on Renjun as a cancer rising.

Let’s ✨explore✨ why:

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧long post! *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

✦ Before I even decided to look up his chart layout, there were 2 characteristics of Renjun that initially led me to think he’s a Cancer rising. His eyes and his physique. His eyes aren’t necessarily as big as idols we’ve seen with moon in 1st, but they’re still very notable features of his physical appearance that he’s very well known for. They’re bigger, soft and dreamy, and sometimes look like he quite literally holds stars in his eyes. The biggest physical feature though is his, well, petite frame. Next to his eyes, renjun is also really well know for his smaller build. It’s even a well known inside joke amongst NCT, they all him “big shoulders renjun” (lol) because “for a guy” his shoulders a on the smaller side. Both of these physical attributes can also be identifying characteristics of cancer risings.

✦ So, in general I think he is a Cancer rising. But if we want to be more specific; I do think he is a 3rd decan Cancer rising which is the Pisces/Neptune ruled decan. I initially chose this because his house and planet placements just make so much more sense to me when the rising is in the 3rd decan (I'll get into that below), but after reading about the 3rd decan I also think it fits his personality really well! With the Neptune and Pisces influence, he's more on the open side of Cancer rising but more notably, 3rd decans are a lot more inclined to art/creativity and sometimes, music specifically. These people also have a very dreamy attraction about them. He also has his Venus trine ASC which can further add to this kind of creative vibe he gives off, but is also drawn to! It emphasizes the importance of aesthetics, art and creativity in his life. If you've never been on Renjun stan twt then you might not know that a lot of his fans see him as this incredibly dreamy and ethereal boy (as they should) and I can see why!

*:･ﾟ✧house and planet placements *:･ﾟ✧

Scorpio moon, Sagittarius Pluto in 5th:

✦ yea... just yes. Okay but actually, if you read my NCT Dream Hexaco x Birth Chart analyses, I talked a lot about his chart already because I really like it. As someone with a Scorpio moon, I can't help but be really interested in how his plays out. And I have to say, I am quite attached to this theory because I think his scorpio moon in 5th just. makes. sense. I'm not going to go much into the descriptions of the placements, I'm mostly going to stick to the house influence. We know that Scorpio moons have really intense emotions, they internalize everything and are just highly sensitive people to their environments. Renjun has been incredibly open about his mental and emotional struggles ever since being a kid. I've honestly never heard an idol talk about their struggle like he has. He even opened up recently about how a few years ago he had an art therapist that really helped him and lowkey changed his life. I feel like a lot of this can be reflected in his 5th house. The house of creativity, expression, creation. His 5th cusp is also in Scorpio. 5th house in water tend to be really drawn to arts and music. Having a Scorpio moon, a moon sign that can be quite guarded, in a fire house can also explain his readiness/openness to share his emotions and art. Also let's not forget his chart ruler is his Scorpio moon in 5th! What I've wrote above are big themes in his life, which we've seen.

✦ As for the Pluto in 5th. Because his 5th house is in Scorpio this would mean the 5th ruler is in 5th. I know it might not make sense at first because it's pluto and pluto is misunderstood. But it makes perfect sense to me. Pluto in 5th is a deeply passionate and creative placement. It bring so much energy to this house, and can even create a borderline obsession with themes of this house. With creating and expressing. But I could also see having this and his scorpio moon in this house bringing so much energy, it just kind of adds to the confusion and intensity of a scorpio moons emotions and processing abilities, like, emotionally overwhelming. Scorpio moons always need an outlet and they usually figure that out the hard way at some point in life. The outlet can vary based off the chart, his is without a doubt connected to his art; whatever that may be to him.

───────────────────────────────────

Aquarius Uranus in 8th:

✦ This part is brief because it's more of like, additional details to what's already in his chart. Something that is really well known about Renjun too is how much he is into space and aliens and stuff like that. He, once again, has been very open about it lol on variety shows I've seen him light up every time its briefly mentioned and he'll comment on how much he finds that stuff interesting. The 8th house is weird, it can manifest in a lot of different ways. The biggest point here for me is that the house is in Aquarius with Uranus here. I know someone with this placement too and, while they're open minded to astrology and tarot etc. it's a bit more focused on logic. I can't say for sure because I don't know him, but he kind of strikes me as the kind of person that would fight to death over aliens existing, but draws the line at astrology lol. I actually do think he would be open to astrology and tarot, but he'd need the right introduction to it. Anyways, yea this placement to me explains a lot of his interest in space and things we don't understand. He's expressed his curiosity in it. I think a lot of this is coming from his Scorpio moon and Pisces mercury/venus which is why I think it's just additional support.

───────────────────────────────────

Pisces Mercury/Venus in 9th:

✦ THIS HOUSE right here... so much to say. Firstly, Pisces in 9th is probably one of the main culprits for his creativity, deep thinking and curiosity in the world. And more importantly: his imagination. I've mentioned this a lot when I talk about renjun but, he's very well known for his creativity, but I want to make it clear that there is a distinction between creation and imagination. His imagination is truly... on another level. Well, planet actually since it's pisces! Again, amongst fans it's really well known his imagination is just so unqiue. This is less about the 9th house and more about the fact that he has 2 pisces placements but it still affects it lol. He's very open about his imagination and speaks about it so naturally. He shared his drawing of a bird, hybrid, thing? and how it's an animal that steals your dreams in your sleep. Anyways, Pisces in 9th aren't necessarily the travelers we'd see with an air or fire sign here, but they like to travel mentally. He's also talked about how he's just in general a very curious person and you can tell his thoughts probably travel far and wide in his down time.

✦ What's really interesting to me about this house is his mercury is here and Mercury in 9th is a very specific kind of placement. It almost always guarantees an interest and talent in learning languages. I don't know if languages are necessarily a passion for him but he definitely is interested and cares about learning language and other cultures. He also did pick up on Korean and English with ease. Which also reminds me that, he actually was exposed to Korean at a young age because I'm pretty sure he went to a bilingual school (chinese and korean). This is also a big deal to me because planets in 9th, especially sun/mercury often indicate very early exposure to languages or other cultures... so yea that checks out. This can also be proved by looking at his IC in Virgo, which puts the ruler in 9th. His mercury is also sextile Jupiter. I also wanna comment that he has his Mercury in the 5th degree, I'm not great at degree theory yet but that feels significant to me. Of course we cannot forget his absolutely angelic voice. Renjun is also very well known for his stunning vocals. Not only are Pisces placements musically inclined but Pisces mercury are known for their sweet voices.

✦ As for the venus is 9th, I feel like I have more to say on his venus being in Pisces because that's where so much of his artistic creativity and imagination come from. But venus here adds to a lot of what I've written above, adding to his curiosity of the world. What I find most interesting about venus in 9th though, is it brings another inclination to art! He might really like art from different places in the world, or just exploring all types of art being very open minded to its different forms etc. Venus here also brings ease to language learning, and these people will naturally have other cultures and people from them as a big part of their life. I feel like, in general it's not surprising at all to me that as a foreign member (being from China), that he would have 9th house influence! It can often manifest as like.., travel, other languages, cultures and parts of the world etc. are just very naturally a part of their life. Some people never really contemplate life overseas or in another country. But for 9th housers, it's never not been an option. His 9th house influence can also make him a great teacher, mentor and just overall supportive person. We've seen some of this in the content he's made with NCT. Like trying to teach his members chinese with Chenle, except he was taking it way more seriously lol but was so supportive. He's also tried to get Jeno and Jisung involved in his art making, but keeping the process very open and fun.

───────────────────────────────────

Aries sun, Taurus mars in 10th:

✦ This is the last part I'm going to cover because it is really just the icing on the cake to finish this up. The 10th house is considered pretty important when looking at celebrities/idols because it's very likely a lot of what we see from them is their 10th house influence. In the chart model I'm using for Renjun, it puts his MC in the very last degrees of Pisces, so there's a chance it's in Aries but either way with his sun and mars here they are still playing a big role. So for that reason, I'm opting for Pisces MC. I also think Pisces MC fits though because first it puts the ruler in his 7th house. Meaning he could really benefit and work well in something that involves a group! Because it's Pisces in Neptune, it also adds to his very ethereal vibe and how people just seem to love him wherever he goes. He's very magnetic and can come off as artistic and sensitive. He's known for being dreamy, unreal, artistic, sensitive.

✦ Again, we know he has an aries sun and taurus mars so I'm not going to explain them here, just how they affect the house, but having his these here makes so much sense to me too. Having planets in 10th also influences what kind of "vibe" people get from you, and what you're "known" for. Mars and Sun bring similar energy of being well known for for energy, drive, and even stage presence. Not being afraid to be on stage, being good with attention and spotlight. He's known for his kind of playful and childish behavior at times. He is charismatic, bold, brave, happy and upbeat. With the sun, he is again known for his creativity and creations and also self-expression.

─────────────────────

Thank you to anyone who read all this. I don't really expect many people to because I'm mostly writing this for my own curiosity and to finally just put this theory out there! Anyways, stan Renjun best boy <33

Thoughts and feedback are always welcome <3

─────────────────────

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

Been thinking about what Mordred's life in Camelot would've been like if Merlin didn't hate him and then thought about how if Morgana was around she would probably always give him her favor at every tournament (until he married) and the other knights would tease him for that so have a broad outline for a Beloved Characters Dont Turn Evil AU

Morgana discovers her magic and Merlin swears to her that he'll protect her. He comforts her when she's scared and Merlin begs Gaius to share his knowledge and suspicions about Morgana to Morgana herself. One night Morgana bursts into their quarters in hysterics, waking them up, screaming and sobbing, and it feels like Merlin's hug is the only thing holding her together but its not enough. Glass starts shattering, candles flare, chandeliers fall to the ground. Gaius decides at this point not telling her will do considerable more harm than not, to both herself and others. They stay up through the night. Gaius speaking and Morgana asking questions, Merlin with a supportive hand on Morgana's shoulder. At one point Morgana tearfully asks the question Merlin asked Gaius long ago, "am i a monster?". They all fall asleep at the table, and that morning when Gwen arrives to wake Morgana only to find her absent with her blankets thrown over the bed and several things knocked over she runs and alerts the guards. The guards initiate lockdown and the commotion reaches Uther and wakes Arthur (Merlin is once again late), and they proceed to fear she was kidnapped right under their noses without anyone knowing. Arthur runs down to get Merlin so he can prepare him for the day only to open the door to find the three of them asleep on the table.

Later Merlin organizes for Morgana to learn more than Gaius can tell her from the Druids, but she intends to stay the night at least, if not then significantly longer (anywhere from a week to several months), and they have no good excuse for her to use that would allow her to leave without Gwen and guards. They come up with some very convoluted plan, which does not end up in the raid that occurred in canon, and when Gwen catches her sneaking back she lies and says she wanted to check up on Mordred (who she did run into), to see if he was with the Druid encampment that was rumored to be nearby (which he was). She didn't learn nearly as much as she hoped in those few hours, but they at least pointed her in a direction.

Morgause comes to town, and leaves Morgana her bracelet. After discovering it stops her visions Morgana takes it to Gaius, who reveals it was enchanted and looks similar to the one Lady Vivienne used to wear. Morgana states Morgause got it from her mother, but that Lady Vivienne was Morgana's mother and wonders how the bracelet ever got to Morgause. Gaius says there was a rumor that Lady Vivienne had a baby that displayed a affinity for magic, but Gorlois told Uther their baby had died before they even named her. Gaius reveals that the baby was smuggled out of Camelot and given to the High Priestesses, and Morgause might very well be that baby. Morgana begins to long for a connection with Morgause, to meet the sister she never knew of and recover something of her dead parents. When she begins secretly meeting Morgause, she tells Merlin and then asks him to come with her when she begins receiving lessons from her. Morgause tries to convince them that killing Uther is the right thing to do, but Merlin keeps reassuring Morgana that all they need to do is convince Arthur to change the law for when he is king, and he's not ready to do that now so theres no use in killing Uther before he's ready, and that she does love Uther and Uther does love her and would try to "fix" her well before he ordered her death. Morgause still wants him dead, to rush the prophecy of magic's return. Them sneaking out every few nights cements the idea that Morgana and Merlin are secretly dating in castle gossip.

Im not sure what happens with Morgause, but i think she would still take Camelot at some point and she would spare Morgana and by extension Merlin. Morgana and Merlin make sure to get Arthur out (and Merlin probably goes with him) because they dont trust Morgause to not kill him. Morgause reveals her heritage (and makes Morgana a Princess and her Heir) despite claiming the throne for people of magic and not the House of Gorlois, and the knowledge that Vivienne and one of her daughters were sorceresses leads Uther to believe he can not save Morgana from magic that is likely in her blood and THAT is what breaks his mental state. Morgana's real heritage is revealed soon after, with Uther informing Gaius that Morgana being a Princess is actually within her birth rights. Morgause continues Morgana's training because at some point Morgana has to become a High Priestess because canon. That or Morgause switches sides (this is a Beloved Characters Dont Go Evil AU might as well make it No Beloved Characters Are Evil AU) and she trains Morgana later after Arthur is a established King.

Morgause is overthrown and the Round Table formed. Arthur as well as several people in the castle know of or suspect Morgana of being a sorceress but he refuses to banish her, first believing it to have been out of her control (forced by Morgause) and later learning that her nightmares had been magic all along (how could he punish her for something he knows she had tried to get rid of for over a decade?). Perhaps he lets her keep the title of Princess, having always seen her as a sister (and someone who is compassionate for the people in a way royalty should be) and armed with the new knowledge of her being his actual sister. Everyone expects Regent Arthur to crack down on magic, its what Uther would have done and what the people want, so he does. Morgana becomes a advocate for magic, as she had been for Arthur in private as a Prince, and it scares people in the castle. They believe her to be working with Morgause, despite her arguments being for individuals' wellbeing and how punishments fuels hatred for Camelot. Several attempts are made on her life, many stopped by Merlin and Gwen and sometimes Lancelot. Arthur often "asks" Merlin for his opinion on magic and with Morgana's voice being public he feels okay with being straight with Arthur on what he thinks. Uther dies same as he did in canon: protecting Arthur from a assassination.

Mordred becomes a Knight because canon. Morgana is ecstatic to see him again and acts like a mother who hasn't seen her child in ages when she first sees him. Merlin has learned you often make the enemies that are destined to kill you (ex. trying to stop Morgana's visions from coming true) so he ignores Kilgharrah and doesn't hate Mordred (he is always wary though). Mordred alternates between childlike eagerness around the knights and following Merlin around while hero worshiping him (no one can figure out why. Their best guess is that Morgana is a mutual friend). In the beginning he kept messing up his name (calling him "Merlin" is just weird) and they often talk in their heads and therefore just stare at each other which has led to two conflicting rumors: theyre in love or they hate each other. Morgana often invites him to dinner, and when they dine with Arthur they easily slip into mind-talking (because chewing) and Arthur is convinced that they're making fun of him every time they do it. He protects Arthur when Merlin can't, often runs off to do side quests Merlin needs to do but cant get away to do, and often tags along with Merlin on his quests. Being able to share the knowledge of his destiny since Lancelot died (if he dies in this AU) relaxes Merlin's caution and allows him to be emotionally closer to him. Mordred enjoys being around Merlin and Morgana not just because he's Emrys and she's Morgana, but because they are the closest thing to home he has: they know what he is, they understand (bits) of his culture and make it possible for Mordred to share it with them, their individual magic sings strong enough to remind him of when he lived surrounded by it. He quickly grows to love them so very much and no one understands WHY. The knights tease him about it, and Morgana forcing Arthur to take Mordred on certain missions he isnt qualified for "so he can learn" does not help. Gwaine and Percival were planning to convince him that he couldnt compete in a tournament without a lady's favor because he's the rookie and his panicked look greatly amuses them only to find Morgana giving him her's before kissing his cheek. They were relentless after that, alternating between "lady's favors dont count if they're from your mom," "Mordred has a girlfriend," and whatever the medieval version of affectionately calling him "Bambi" is. Morgana sits in the stand's throne (since Arthur is competing) or besides it if Gwen is queen, and she flashes a smile at him when he comes out (Gwen too. He's a sweet kid with a baby face, of course he's one of her favorites. He also reminds her of Merlin when she first met him: kind, awkward, cute). This settles Mordred's nerves but has the unfortunate side effect of increased teasing. Merlin doesn't let it go to far, he never does, and gives them a distraction before running back to Arthur.

And then magic is brought back to the land and Morgana continues the work of the High Priestesses and helps the rebuilding efforts and they're still adventures and problems, but everyone Lives Happily Ever After

[loveyhoneydovey]

best friends to lovers au with Amado

Note: I just binge watched Narcos Mexico again, and this was the result. i got carried away so this is kind of long, but honestly at this point I think everyone's used to my long ass headcanons💀 hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. also, this is unedited

All my stories are written with a bisexual reader of colour in mind, but anyone is more than welcome to read them

Warnings (please lmk if I missed any): death, blood, mention of guns

your friendship begins after you save his little sister from being snatched

one day, his baby sister had managed to rope her bodyguards into taking her to a little corner store after school to buy candy

you found yourself at the same store while on your way home. since it was Friday, you thought you deserved a little evening to yourself with some cheap alcohol and some of your favourite candy.

you were reaching for the last pack of your favourite candy when a small hand bumped into yours. that’s when you first spotted a little girl who couldn’t have been over 7 years old in her school uniform. you noticed the two armed men around her and you were smart enough to know not to ask any questions. you weren’t blind, you knew the city was full of people somehow connected to the cartel, and you weren’t trying to get yourself killed.

for a second you both stared at each other with a look of uncertainty, until you smiled at her and handed her over the pack.

“gracias, señora”, the smile on her sweet face managed to erase any disappointment you were feeling. her bodyguards spotted her as she had managed to briefly run away and were about to make their way to her, when suddenly they both violently collapsed on the ground.

the ringing in your ears made it difficult for you to figure what was going on, but the pool of blood that was beginning form around them made you realize they’d been shot. the people who just killed them were most likely after the girl and you understood you would for sure end up as collateral damage if you did not act now. that’s when your fight or flight instinct finally kicked in. you grabbed the girl’s shaking hand and made a run for it through the backdoor. you weren’t really thinking it through, but you were praying you’d find a way to escape.

you two ended up making a run for it and going to a nearby store, where the owner let you hide. Luckily he knew who the girl was and he was able to call for help

at first you didn’t know who “help” was, until a bunch of SUV’s pulled up and started to retaliate against the initial shooters

you didn’t remember much of what happened after the bullets started flying for a second time, but you’d always remember the moment that you first laid your eyes on the man in black. you could distinctly recall the aura of confidence his presence exuded. he looked like someone you wouldn’t want to fuck with

you soon learned the little girl’s name was Lucia, and she was the daughter of one of Amado’s close friends who had passed away and left her with him. he was taking care of her and treating her like a little sister more than a daughter

a friendship began to form between the two of you and soon, you became the bestest of friends. his chill, laid back personality worked well with your chatty energetic one

your friendship basically consisted of the two of you bickering like an old married couple

lots of roasting, this man has NO pity lksdnfjr, but it's okay because you’re able to dish it back

teasingly calling him “old man” to annoy him and him saying you’re responsible for all his grey hairs

you telling him that’s a lie because Lucia’s responsible for half of them

now can you imagine you and her teaming up against him. you definitely play a few pranks on him

him getting back at the two of you when you least expect it. because in case you didn’t notice, that seems to be his m.o. 🐸 ☕️

but most importantly, you’re each other’s person. you’re both able to talk to each other about everything and anything without feeling judged

he’s a great listener and always asks if you’re looking for advice or if you just want to rant

he is protective!!! and I mean actually protective, not controlling or overbearing

i’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, he respects you enough to understand that you’re capable of making your own choices. so if anything is bothering you, he will offer his help, and if you decline it he trusts you enough to be able to handle it alone

now if you ask him for his help...👀 you won’t be disappointed. someone has been inappropriate with you in any way and won’t back off even after you told them to? oop now they’re suddenly dead. natural causes or accidentally of course😌

omg he totally takes you on trips with him sometimes to keep him company

maybe even introduces you to Pacho when you��re in Mexico

Pacho being able to see that you two are into each other

ok honestly I think Amado would know you’re into him before you two would get together

like this man is super attentive to details, he might be silent but that’s because he’s busy observing

and the feelings are mutual, but he doesn’t let you know that until you confess

i have a feeling Amado would literally tease you into confessing, cause he can be such a little shit sometimes

he’d do the most to make you blush

and eventually he would break you and you’d just be like “I LIKE YOU OKAY?”

jnfedcnsd this asshole would be like “yeah, I know” while having the biggest shit eating grin on his face

you’d stare at him silently for a minute because you didn’t know what you wanted to do more, kill him or kiss him

your anger would’ve won if he hadn’t decided to wrap an arm around your waist while gently tilting your chin up with the other

i mean how could anyone resist those eyes

definitely asks if he can kiss you first, but he has a feeling he already knows the answer

you just press your lips against him instead of a verbal answer

i can imagine the two of you getting lost in the moment, finally completely belonging to each other after dreaming about it for so long

then an exasperated little voice would interrupt you, “finally”

Lucia is prolly your biggest shipper don’t even get me started