#and if i take something to fall asleep i sleep for 14 hours bc my body is trying to correct itself ghdkfhdh

[watermelinoe]

i am genuinely so nocturnal it's not even funny. i "fixed" my sleep schedule for the women's fest coming up and now i can't get anything done, i just lay around exhausted and irritable all day until the sun goes down and then i get in bed and can't fall asleep bc i'm full of energy

[wonjinburger]

writing prompt #04

bumping into each other as solo travelers ; park sunghoon

태양보다 찬란한 . . . 그게 바로 나

INFO : : park sunghoon x reader / romcom

wc : <1600

notes : this was lowkey rushed bcs i had an idea at 12am but i had to go sleep but i couldn't risk losing the idea

20 JANUARY 2023 : :

2:04 - it's currently 2am and i've just landed in paris, and i'm now heading to my hotel room to take a long ass nap.

13:12 - jk the nap lasted from around 11 hours. now it's 1pm and i'm going to go out for lunch. i've heard a lot of good word about a specific cafe so i'm gonna go try it out!

13:37 - the weirdest things just happened what the fuck? i bumped into this guy, who was really hot btw, by accident. obviously i apologized for it like a normal person but he just scoffed at me and left?? thanks for that random stranger.

23 JANUARY 2023 : :

12:02 - i just had a quick snack and i'm currently on the train to versailles, i wanted to have a quick look at all the beautiful architecture. i find versailles to be such a romantic and beautiful place lol

12:28 - i've arrived at versailles! i have a tour booked for today at 1pm, so i guess i'll walk around versailles for now.

13:13 - no fucking way, the guy i bumped into a few days ago is here too, like, in the same tour group as me. i said hi and he basically looked at me weird and left me standing. thank god idk this guy and i'll never see him again, he seems like an ass.

14 APRIL 2023 : :

10:16 - hi journal, today i'm in the netherlands, i heard about the keukenhof tulip garden and of course i had to come here. i just had breakfast at the hotel i'm staying in and i'm about to head out to the garden to see all the pretty flowers!

11:11 - THE GARDEN IS SO PRETTY OMG BUT THAT EXPERIENCE WAS LOWKEY RUINED. by who you may ask? by FUCKING FRANCE DUDE?? WHY IS HE EVERYWHERE???? like i was taking photos of the pretty flowers and boom, suddenly i see him through the lens of my camera, please get this guy out of my life

11 MAY 2023 : :

00:01 - i have finally done one of the things off my bucket list, and that is to visit switzerland! i always saw tiktoks and photos of the amazing view and obviously i had to come see for myself, but it's 12am rn and i am really tired so i'm gonna go sleep, then i'll explore in the morning

11:42 - okay i woke up a few minutes ago which is quite late, but i'm gonna go down to the hotel's cafeteria and have some brunch before i explore the town

4:51 - hi this isn't funny anymore, i literally just set foot into an eatery near one of the places i was visiting and i see france dude, AGAIN. can he just get out of my life atp please, i'm so sick of seeing his annoying (but ig good-looking) face. AND WHY IS THE ONLY AVAILABLE SEAT LIKE NEXT TO HIS TABLE???

-- (☆)

i'm going back home to korea today, i think i've been travelling way too much, so i'm going to go home and rest up and spend time with my family and some friends.

i boarded the plane and by that point it was 11pm and i was honestly drained. i spent a whole day exploring the more nature-y side of switzerland and the view definitely did not disappoint.

i sat myself down in my assigned seat and was so ready to fall asleep at this point. a guy walked over and sat next to me, and i bet you won't be able to figure out who was gonna be my plane seatmate for almost 12 hours. yeah it was france guy. he seemed pretty surprised to see me too i think.

after he sat himself down next to me, he looked at me, maybe i was staring too hard.. "hey" i looked at him, question marks practically all over my forehead. "can you stop staring at me" i scoffed at him, this guy is ridiculous!

the plane took off a few minutes later and i was starting to doze off, and unfortunately for me i left my neck pillow in my luggage by accident, so my head was dropping left and right.

i suddenly woke up and it felt like i was lying against something? i sat upright to see what i had been sleeping on, and it was france dude? he woke up when he felt me getting up. "you're finally up, my shoulder feels like it's about to dislocate"

'okay sorry for accidentally sleeping on your shoulder but like, rude much'

"oh shit, i'm so sorry. i left my neck pillow in my luggage and i think i just passed out suddenly" he scoffed and i was so close to losing my shit not gonna lie. but the next moment, he handed me his neck pillow and i looked at him while holding the neck pillow. "just use it, i'd rather you use my stuff than you use me" damn okay stranger. "oh, thanks?" and soon he attempted to go back to sleep.

it was currently 8:59am, which meant we still had probably less than 2 hours left of this plane ride, and i was thanking heavens because 12 hours next to this guy would've been hell if i weren't fast asleep.

france guy was moving around in his seat and i assumed he couldn't fall back asleep. i tapped on his shoulders a little to get his attention "hey, you can have your neck pillow back, seems like you can't sleep, and i'm pretty energized right now" he looked at me and sighed "it's fine, i'll just give up on going back to sleep".

after that it was pure silence. and i couldn't stand it so of course i had to open my big ass mouth.

"so.. you travel a lot?" he nodded his gaze fixed on his phone. "alone?" he nodded again still focusing on his screen. damn talking to this guy is so hard. let's bring up the past! "you remember the first time we met?" he finally looked at me. "we've met?" are you fucking serious right now.

"i bumped into you on accident in paris back in january?" he thought about it for a second before replying. "oh! i remember now, you bumped into me and almost spilt your hot coffee all over me" "hey! it almost spilt on me too okay, and i apologized for it" he shrugged it off and went back on his phone.

"you know, i kept seeing you around while i was travelling and at some point i thought you were stalking me" he looked back at me again, his eyebrows furrowed this time. "what the fuck why would i stalk you, i don't even know you?" "it happens sometimes" "hey, for all i know you could be the one stalking me right now" i was taken aback, speechless, i can't handle this guy oh my god.

"you know, your looks and personality clash a lot" he gave me a look that said 'wtf do you mean'. "you're a good-looking guy, like, i'd definitely date you if your personality was nicer" he stared at me for a while and chuckled a little. "for your information i have a great personality" "it sure doesn't seem that way" he scoffed and put his phone down before looking me in the eyes.

"i'm nice to people i'm close to, last i checked, we don't even know each other." "maybe we can change that" he looked shocked by what i said. honestly i'm shocked too, but i mean, he's pretty hot, it would be a wasted chance.

"you want us to get close?" i nodded. "you're ridiculous lady" i rested my head in the palm of my hands as i kept eye contact with him "it's y/n, lee y/n. and you are?" he looked at me in disbelief for a while. "i can't believe this is happening." he let out a deep and heavy sigh before introducing himself. "i'm park sunghoon."

"nice to meet you sunghoon. oh, i was gonna ask if you were korean, but your name just confirmed it for me" "are you heading home right now?" i nodded to his question. "homesick?" he asked, and i nodded. it seemed like he was feeling homesick too. "maybe we should hangout sometime while we're in korea" i blurted out suddenly, to my surprise he didn't oppose of this idea.

i then pushed my phone towards him, "can i have your number then?" he looked at my phone, then at me. "are you hitting on me?" i don't know, was i? i mean, i am interested in him, so i guess? "yeah i am, so what do you say, can i have your number? and maybe we can go out sometime and maybe even travel together?" he stared at me in shock, but his reply lowkey shocked me too.

"sure, let's go on a date soon"

[strawberrymilkfemme]

Big personal vent ahead, TW for medical stuff.

I'm so sick of being sick. I had the most terrifying experience of my life last night. I slept pretty badly the night before last, only like 3 and a half hours. Then I had a really hectic day. I had to get up early and go out of town a couple of hours away for some personal business and I also ended up doing my bi-monthly grocery shopping and exhausted myself. I've also recently dealt with a pretty bad UTI and kidney pain, and had a bad reaction to the antibiotics they tried to give me for it. I was exhausted all day and didn't end up falling asleep until around 2am last night. I woke up pretty much exactly 1 hour later, completely delirious and hallucinating. My partner said I was acting like I was having some sort of manic episode. I got up to pee and then blacked out and woke up a couple mins later in my bed, unable to remember if I had actually gotten up a minute ago or if it was just a dream. Then suddenly I was in the shower spraying freezing cold water on my head which really freaked me out and sent me into a panic. Partner said I was running around yelling that I was having a stroke and needed to go to the hospital. Next thing I know I'm burying my face in my cat, crying and telling him how much I love him. Then I'm walking around in the street, freezing. Dunno if I was trying to get some fresh air or what, but it didn't help. Then I'm in the hospital in the most wack, embarrassing outfit I have ever worn. Leopard print pajama pants, pink Uggs, a blue sweater, pink beanie, and pink/green/purple/white striped fuzzy socks lmao and there are nurses taking my blood pressure and asking me my name and if I know where I am. I have tons of weird vague memories of getting ready and how I got there, but they feel like foggy dreams that didn't actually happen. They really believed I was having a stroke at first, but I passed their neurological exam perfectly fine. They took a bunch of blood, ran a ton of tests, everything looked good aside from my usual anemia. They even said my infection seemed to be gone. Turns out I was in some sort of severe sleep deprivation induced episode of delirium or derealization or something bc I slept so little and did so much after being so sick for so long (on top of being immunocompromised). Also I was severely dehydrated. I drank up like 3 bags of fluids they gave me via IV, then started to feel more aware. I slept ALL day when I got home and now I just feel kinda.. funny? Like I'm a little spacey and out of it, but nothing like I was last night. I'm so terrified it will happen again. I sincerely believed I was about to be one of those young people who drops dead of a stroke bc of covid complications. I remember clearly thinking at one point "oh my god.. I am having a stroke. I had covid and now I am having a stroke and I am going to die." I have a horrible fear of having a stroke bc I was there when my grandma had one (I was about 14). I was home alone with her and she was calling me by one of my cousins names and walking around the house and standing in random places and staring off into space, then she had a seizure and I had to call for an ambulance and I was the one who went with her to the hospital and I watched her flatline. They managed to stabilize her and she has been fine ever since aside from being weaker on one side of her body and having some difficulty with speech, but ever since then I have had a severe fear of that happening to me. I honestly accepted death last night. Now I feel like maybe I was being dramatic, but I don't think I have ever been more scared for my own health in my entire life.

[nathank77]

5/14/24

7:18 p.m Added to/Edited

I fell asleep by 6 a.m. The combo of the 3 knocked me the fuck out. I woke up at 12 and I really needed to pee but I didn't let myself bc I wanted one more hour. So I fell back to sleep after hearing a sorta scream from my auditory hallucination cause yea that's how I know I'm falling back to sleep....

Then I woke up at 1 p.m, I used the bathroom and decided to get my bloodwork done for my thyroid bc I had to do it sometime this week or next. Last month I did it on the 16th of April. So the 14th isn't too bad. I had extra time and made the appt at 2 p.m and then made it to my doctor's at 3:15 p.m.

I didn't have much to talk to her about. I mentioned very briefly that I didn't sleep well for a couple weeks of April. I was very brief. I told her the Hydroxyzine with the Xanax helps me stay asleep longer. I brought up the ER visit and my cardiologist appts. I asked her about the right branch block and it could be bc of the wire placement. So that's hopeful. I also showed her my tongue again. And I asked to get my testosterone levels pulled before my next shot. So that's scheduled for next week right before my testosterone shot. I got to be there at 3:30 p.m now cause I haven't had my levels done in a very long time. Granted I've been on the same dose 99% of my whole journey on testosterone. For a few months I was on 1.1 instead of 1 ML but other than that it's been consistent.

She was okay with seeing me in August for my physical but I was like well I always have problems so she had me schedule something for July to see me after my cardiologist appt. She also gave me 25mg of metopolol. Incase. My heart rate was 103 there which is high.

I was in another room so idk if its accurate but appearantly I'm 179 pounds now. Which means I lost another 2 pounds since last week... was it bc the scale is slightly off? Or is my dieting continuing to cause healthy weight loss? With the combination of white mulberries? Or am I hyper? I'll at least find out if I'm hyper, Hypo or normal soon from the Bloodwork..

I'm worried that she's loosen the leash and not going to give me Xanax anymore... she didn't say that but she was keeping a tight leash on me wanting to see me every month or month and a half and then she was okay with seeing me in August at the end of August... that's why I was like umm I'd like to see you sooner... idk. She was just happy I'm sleeping and getting better quality sleep. I don't really think she's taking it away or going to perscribe a placebo if she ever did cause- I had heart palpitations which are withdrawal effects and my brief mention of not sleeping well for a couple weeks of April will tell her if I ever was prescribed a placebo it did not work as well as the actual medication...

But who knows if it was a placebo or not. And I know I'm just worried cause like I know Xanax is the only reason I fall asleep. She's prob just loosen the leash cause I'm not asking for more and I'm on top of my health. If I didn't have the physical I'm sure she would have wanted to see me in a couple months.

Yet I worry. But we will see. I don't think she's going to take it away/ give me a placebo but I can't help but worry.

Also i gave her my paperwork for the MRI and I should be able to schedule that tomorrow hopefully before the 28th bc if I don't get it done by then I can't get it done.

I went out for waters cause I didn't plan to today but I realized I needed them... and I didn't want it on my list of things to do tomorrow cause I was supposed to go grocery shopping tomorrow and knowing I needed waters would have gave me extreme anxiety and panic.... potentially panic attacks.. it might have effected my ability to sleep.

I grabbed some food and other stuff. I got to go back to the grocery store Friday for other stuff.. the waters was the hardest part bc of the panic but i haven't seen the gross POS for a few weeks.. I hope they fired him but that's happened before I just didn't see him for a couple weeks and then all of a sudden he was there again.

I'm going to new Hampshire prob Saturday. I got to schedule my oil change at Firestone for prob may 28th. My Dr's appts are finally slowing down. I'll prob go to Southington at 5 pm.

Next month i have like the cardiologist on the 26th and just my biweekly Testosterone shot. July I have my insomnia appt and my biweekly Testosterone appts as well as my ENT visit which I think my hearing is getting worse... but whatever I just won't wear my hearing aids so I can find a girl friend...

This month I still got my disability appt at 1:30 Friday...... and I have the dentist next Tuesday at 4:30 as well as my testosterone bloodwork and shot on Wednesday at 3:30... but after next week things will start to slow down. Just got to get disability out of the way, new Hampshire, my testosterone shot and the dentist.... and ideally my oil change which I can charge to my credit card and keep my Firestone card active...

Anyways as of last night I started taking 2000mg of White mulberries... I feel like I noticed almost immediate progress. I'm going to do 2000mg a day unless I get undesired side effects. I had some silence while I wrote my poetry... some. Still not allowed to think about my hallucination without hallucinating but either way I think the combo of 100mg of cbd and 2000mg of white mulberries could help facilitate the pathway and build healthy connections. I just got to work through the narrative the hallucination created.

It says, "the bussy cunt" and it may not be able to finish the sentence sometimes but I have been, "filling in the blank." Bc I heard the phrases so clearly and learned them and it broke my brain in so many more ways than just this constant hallucination... it says, "the bussy cunt" and even if i think a dominant thought like I need to make a sandwich... my back thought is, "feels bad for deadname last name.".. so I'm trying to change the narrative at least saying, feels bad for Nathan last name... but it's hard.

That's the issue it FUCKS UP YOUR WHOLE BRAIN..

Hopefully this combination of supplements make a difference. Idk.

And I hope that I'm really 179 and I'm normal levels... I also hope that my heart rate was only that high bc I was at the doctors White coat syndrome or whatever but who knows. Maybe I'll make it to 170 idk that's hopeful. I'd love to make it to 165. I'd fucking hit the fuck out of that gym.

[littlespoonevan]

i’ll be home but i don’t know when

askjdlfh ok i’ve read too many speculation fics this past week and now you’ve all got me speculating and i need to stop bc i’m gonna get my hopes up too much lmao but anyway in the meantime here’s this bc i couldn’t help myself 

4x13/14 speculation-ish, 1.6k

title: first week - vera blue

*

Buck sits in the waiting room, hands clasped between his knees, jiggling his foot as he stares at nothing. He’s lost track of how long he’s been here but it’s been long enough for the room to fill and empty at least three times, long enough that one of the nurses had offered to get him a cup of coffee from the cafeteria, long enough that he can’t feel the blood dried under his fingernails anymore.

“Buck!”

His gaze snaps up to the doorway and something inside him crumples at the sight of Christopher pulling himself into the room on his crutches. Carla is standing behind him with a hand on his shoulder but Buck hardly spares her a glance before he’s bolting out of his seat and crouching down in front of Christopher.

“Is my dad o-okay?” he asks, a tremor beneath his voice that makes his lip wobble and makes Buck want to bundle him up in his arms and never let him go.

“Hey, listen,” Buck says soothingly, hands flitting across Christopher’s shoulders before reaching up to cup his cheeks. “Your dad got hurt today but he’s in surgery right now and the doctors are gonna tell me when he’s finished.” He searches Christopher’s expression, tries to figure out the best thing to say to make it better. He knows nothing can though, not really, so he settles on, “You wanna wait with me?”

Christopher’s breath hitches and his eyes fill with tears and it’s all Buck can do to pull him into his arms – if only so Chris won’t see the tears Buck has been steadfastly trying to hold back ever since he got here.

He picks Christopher up, meeting Carla’s pitying gaze over his shoulder as she carefully slips the crutches off Christopher’s arms.

“I called Isabel and Pepa,” he tells her. “Told them I’d let them know when we hear anything; there’s no point in them coming down until then.”

She nods, pursing her lips. “Are you sure you don’t want me to keep him a while longer?”

Christopher picks his head up off Buck’s shoulder at that, arms clinging tighter around Buck’s neck. “I wanna stay with Buck. I wanna wait for dad.”

“It’s okay,” Buck murmurs, rubbing over his back and giving Carla a tired smile. “I’m sure. I’ll call if I need you though.”

She squeezes his arm, before passing him the crutches and pressing a careful hand to Christopher’s back. “I’ll see you tomorrow, sweetheart,” she says quietly. “Call me when you know something,” she adds to Buck and he nods.

When she’s gone he carries Christopher over to his chair. He considers putting Chris down in the seat beside him before deciding he probably needs the comfort as much as Buck does. So he sits down and keeps Christopher in his lap, rearranging him so he can sit more comfortably with his cheek pressed against Buck’s chest. Buck runs a hand through his hair, kisses his forehead, and tries to stop thinking about one of the last things Eddie had said to him.

“Take- Buck, take care of Christopher, okay? I don’t- he’ll want to stay with you-“

“Eddie, stop. He’s not- you’re not- you’re gonna be fine, okay? So stop- stop making plans. Just hold on, alright?”

Buck shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut and taking a steadying breath. Fuck, he can’t lose him. He can’t- they’re only just- he can’t do this without Eddie. Work, life, whatever. He needs him here.

“Buck,” Christopher says quietly, fingers playing with one of the strings on Buck’s hoodie.

“Yeah, buddy?”

“Can we play I Spy?”

Buck’s breath catches and he presses his face into Christopher’s hair, allows himself the briefest moment to crack, before he nods. “Yeah,” he says, voice raw with unshed tears. “Yeah. You go first.”

*

The rest of the team arrive in stages. First Bobby, sitting in the chair right next to Buck’s and rubbing his back while Buck tries in vain to rock Christopher to sleep. Then Hen with coffees and a juice for Chris. Then Chim with the promise that he and Maddie can switch off taking care of Jee-Yun is Buck wants her instead. That very nearly does Buck in but he manages to stifle back the sob at the last minute.

Together, they wait but even the low hum of their conversations isn’t enough to drown out the sound of gunshots rattling around in Buck’s brain.

It should’ve been him.

As soon as they’d heard the shots Eddie had pushed him towards the other firefighter from the 133 and he’d pulled Buck behind the fire truck. Eddie hadn’t had a chance to get to safety.

It should’ve been Buck.

He’s not the one with a kid, the one with so much to come back for. It’s not fair.

“Evan Buckley?”

His head shoots up and he locates the doctor standing in the doorway. Christopher is dozing in his arms by now but he manages to stand without jostling him too much. “That’s me.”

The rest of the team stand with him, a silent bubble of support, as the doctor looks between him and the chart in his hand.

“You’re Eddie Diaz’s emergency contact,” he says and Buck nods, absently aware of the way Hen and Chim’s heads jerk to him in surprise.

“He’s out of surgery,” the doctor continues. “We were able to remove the bullet; it thankfully didn’t hit anything vital. He lost a lot of blood but we’ve given him a transfusion. They’re bringing him down to his room now; I can take you to see him when he’s settled.”

Buck feels himself deflate, is convinced he’d collapse if he wasn’t still holding Christopher, if Bobby didn’t immediately grip his shoulder. “Th-thank you,” he stammers out, breath rushing out of him all at once.

The doctor leaves and Buck blinks tears out his eyes as he ducks to whisper in Christopher’s ear. “Chris, hey, Did you hear that? Your dad’s okay.”

*

An hour later Buck finds himself in Eddie’s room, staring at him in the bed like if he looks away for too long he’ll disappear. Christopher is standing in front of him, holding Eddie’s hand, and Buck wonders if he should take him out of the room, if this might be too upsetting for him but then Chris says, “Can I get on the bed with him?” and Buck knows there’s nothing in the world that could make Christopher leave.

He also knows he should probably say no but honestly, if Buck didn’t still have one last shred of self-restraint he’s pretty sure he’d be the one climbing onto the bed with Eddie, hand on his chest to feel him breathing. So he picks Chris up under his arms and carefully lifts him onto the mattress, making sure he doesn’t disturb any of the wires.

“Careful not to move anything, buddy,” he says but Christopher only shifts enough to lie down, curling into Eddie’s side and letting his head rest on Eddie’s bicep. Buck feels a fresh wave of tears come at the sight but he doesn’t feel so bad about it now that Christopher isn’t looking at him anymore. He scoots his chair closer, picking up the hand Christopher had been holding earlier and linking his fingers with Eddie’s.

His grip is completely slack, completely unlike earlier when he’d squeezed Buck’s hand so tight right before he’d lost consciousness. Buck tries not to think about it.

He sits there long enough for Christopher to fall asleep again, long enough for him to forget the rest of the world is still moving outside the room, until eventually the hand in his twitches.

He blinks, looking down before he flits his gaze to Eddie’s face. He watches with bated breath as Eddie slowly comes to, eyelids flickering before finally opening properly. Eddie notices Christopher first and Buck swallows around the lump in his throat at the way Eddie’s entire being softens at the sight of his son, the way he closes his eyes again briefly like he’s memorising the feeling. When he opens his eyes the second time they find Buck and that’s as much as Buck can take before the emotion he’s been holding back for the last few hours comes flooding to the surface.

“Hi,” he whispers, voice thick as too many tears escape at once.

Eddie takes a breath and wets his lips, fingers twitching against Buck’s again. “Hi.” His voice is hoarse and gravelly but it’s Eddie’s voice and he’s okay and Buck can finally breathe again.

“I missed you.” And it sounds stupid but it’s true. Eddie’s eyes close once more and there’s the faintest hint of a smile on his lips.

“Can’t get rid of me that easy,” he mumbles, returning his gaze to Buck and he just- he looks so open, so unguarded in a way that Buck only rarely gets to see in their quietest moments.

He picks Eddie’s hand up, holding it between his own as he props his elbows on the mattress behind Christopher. He presses his lips to Eddie’s knuckles, doesn’t think about the implications other than needing him closer, other than needing to comfort him. “Thanks for coming back.”

“Thanks for not letting me go.”

Buck thinks of the moments before his hospital. Of his hand pressing against Eddie’s stomach to keep pressure on the wound, of his other hand touching Eddie’s face trying to keep him awake, of pulling him into his arms in those terrifying few seconds between Eddie losing consciousness and the ambulance arriving. Of holding his hand right down to the very last minute when they stepped into the hospital and Eddie had to be wheeled away.

And now, at his hand in Buck’s again, right where it’s supposed to be.

There’s more to say about it, more they could confess right now, but there’s time. They have time.

So Buck only nods, lacing his fingers more firmly with Eddie’s and offering him a smile he hopes says everything.

Eddie smiles back and it’s enough for now.

*

[iamanartichoke]

galaxy brain theory time

(Disclaimer in advance: my theories are usually wrong but I'm writing it down anyway.)

It's 5:30am. I have been sleeping for a fair amount of hours but got up awhile ago to use the bathroom and get water. After returning to bed, I was scrolling tumblr and trying to fall back asleep when I suddenly deadass sat up straight, like people who have fucking revelations in the middle of a movie, and was like - the sacred timeline doesn't exist.

It never did. It never has. It's not real.

My original theory was that the sacred timeline itself was the Big Bad, bc it can't exist simultaneously with free will and taking away people's free will is, yknow, not good - but, it not even fucking existing makes more sense.

In light of the reveal of the TVA agents all being variants, working for the elusive timekeepers to protect the timeline, it just - they've been brainwashed into thinking that everything that they do, from resetting people from existence, to hunting down variants, to all the other totalitarian shit they do or are complicit in doing is for the greater good of maintaining this be-all, end-all timeline

- but it's all for naught bc the timeline doesn't exist. The timekeepers (or someone who is pulling a Wizard of Oz behind the "timekeeper" curtain) benefit in some way from their real purpose of "pruning" these variants from existence - but, this could be why the Avengers have not faced consequences ("they were supposed to" my butt), why Steve could go back and live out his life with Peggy, why Dr. Strange could see 14 million possible futures, etc. The entire TVA is a bullshit smokescreen, filled with brainwashed drones who are blindly and loyally protecting something that doesn't exist, for some greater, nefarious purpose on behalf of the timekeepers ("timekeepers"). Ravonna is definitely in on this.

And Loki, our lovable chaotic queer trickster god, is a genuine fucking threat to whatever they're trying to do, so they have to keep actively pruning him from any timeline that doesn't end with him being murdered by Thanos while he's still very, very young (he's only lived about 1/5 of his life!).

Sylvie is now actively fucking up the greater plan, and the timekeepers do need our particular Loki variant to help them get rid of her, but he can only be permitted to exist so long as he is convinced that his ultimate, fixed, predestined fate is to cause suffering and destruction and death and there's nothing he can do about it, hence the interrogation - Loki couldn't be brought into the TVA until they felt like he would not be a threat bc they believe they've made him believe that straying from his destiny is impossible and he shouldn't even try. (They don't know Loki, clearly.)

Wow. If this theory is true, then that's some good fucking shit right there, like - cheers to your fucking amazing narrative, Loki show, bc you had us in the first half, not gonna lie, but the nonsensical aspects make so much more sense and will continue to make so much more sense as this all plays out.

It's a big "if," though, if for no other reason than bc my theories are often wrong and blatant clues and hints soar right over my head (I'm not a plot person, okay, I can admit this) - bc the way that I think about things is just ultimately, like .... I have a galaxy brain that's often in an entirely different universe from everyone else's and this is usually to my disadvantage. So I'm just. I want this theory to be true so badly, but it's probably not simply based on the fact that I thought of it lmfao. Fuck my life.

(But it would also lend credence to my theory hope idea that Sylvie calling Loki's carelessness out causes him to start taking shit seriously, bc a Loki who is taking this seriously and who realizes the grander bullshit at play and who is coming to terms with his emotional baggage by way of figuring out that his awful destiny is not set in stone? "I'm gonna burn this place to the ground," in-fucking-deed.)

Anyway I just had to write that down while it was fresh on my mind, bc I definitely will not remember it as clearly once I go back to bed and wake up again later and Start My Day.

[uwuwriting]

Tamaki and Mirio when their girlfriend over works herself

Request: Um since you are dying bc of school and I feel for you I present to you my comfort request for Mirio and tamaki dealing with their girlfriend when she over works herself. Remember to stay hydrated and to get some sleep. - anonymous

Umm comfort content is best content if I do say so myself. I’m trying to get my shit in line and I’m failing miserably. YAY. We stan a disaster of a writer. But yeh anyways. Hope you enjoy. Love ya.💖💖💖

rules 

masterlist 

warnings: stress and exhaustion, fluff and comfort.

Amajiki Tamaki

-He has seen the way you have been stressing over your grades lately. 

-He knows that it’s your last year and everything is piling up, hero studies and training plus the extra load of work your teachers give you. 

-The thing is you always get everything done on time and he has never seen you working so hard and non stop before. 

-It kinda scares him. 

-He holds himself back from saying anything, afraid of over stepping and offending you or making you angry which trust me was impossible.

-You could never be angry at him he is baby. 

-His tipping point came on a Friday morning when he came down from his room only to find you still perched on the same spot he had left you last night. 

-Multiple cups of coffee were scattered all around you and he could hear your music blasting through your headphones. 

-You must have put it on full blast in hopes of staying awake. 

-He knows that sometimes you would pull all nighters in order to get some extra work done and as lond as those one nighters were far in between he was okay with it. 

-He himself did it sometimes. 

-But he knew that this was the fourth one this month and the second one this week. 

-Taking off your headphones, completely ignoring your whines of protest he pulled you up circling one arm around your waist and holding you close while the other one started gathering your stuff. 

-After your fair share of kisses and a healthy breakfast he waited for you to get dressed. 

-He kept an eye on you the whole day and would snatch any book out of your hands during your breaks, his shyness replaced by pure and flaming concern. 

-After class he led you to his room and set you on his bed, wrapping you up in a blanket like a smol burrito and putting on a movie. 

-I kid you not, the moment your head met his chest you fell asleep. 

-And you wouldn’t wake up!

-He thought you died.

-Thankfully after a 14 hour nap you woke up, refreshed and dehydrated asking Tamaki if he wanted to go out today. 

-For a split second he half expected you to go back to studying but your idea of a date was a pleasant surprise. 

-And who was he to say no to you????

-Your date was really fun and Tamaki was heppy to see some color returne to your cheeks. 

-He knew that you got stressed easily and he would always try to find a way to help you. 

-He just couldn’t let the love of his life wither away in the hands of that damned calculus homework or those biology essays. 

Togata Mirio

*I swear to GOD I’ll get this tattooed on my BACK*

-Here is someone who isn’t as observant as Tamaki. 

-It takes him a few days to realize that you are overdoing it with the homework. 

-In reality it takes a date rejection. 

-It was a beautiful day outside and he wanted to have a picnic with his best girls, you and Eri.

-He had everything set up and made an overly dramatic invitation but was shot down by a very VERY exhausted no I have to study. 

-Boy started watching you like a hawk after that. 

-Then he noticed your patern. 

-You would sleep for about an hour after class, thinking you were making up for the hours you were missin during the night and then you would sit down in your room and wouldn’t get up until well into the night. 

-To be precise your light would go off at 3 am. 

-Boyo is huh devestated. 

-His baby is basically killing herself wth. 

-So he will just insert himself into your study sessions. 

-Since he knows how hard you are working and how much you want to succeed he can’t just straight up ask you to stop studying, that would be unfair. 

-What he could do though was help you with small breaks. 

-He would bring you bento boxes and your favorite snacks, would buy your favorite drinks and would ask you to take a walk with him every few hours. or generally spend some time with him. 

-He of course explained to you that he was worried about your health with the amount of studying you were doing. 

- “It’s not health babe.”

-He would ask you to talk to him, tell him your worries and rant to him about overwhelming projects, say something stupid you saw or play that new song that randomly popped up in your playlist. 

-He would help you get your mind off things for some time giving you the energy you needed in order to go back to studying. 

-The only thing that he would be adamant about was your sleeping schedule. 

-He literally migrated to your room but because your bed is kinda small he moved you to his instead. 

-After midnight he will always get up and just yeet your textbook out of your grasp picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder, making his way to his bathroom to get you ready. 

-Then he would just plop you onto his bed and fall asleep.

-Try to get up during the night to secretly study I dare you. 

-This man senses EVERYTHING you cannot hide child. 

-So just go to sleep. 

TAG TEAM AY:

@iwaqchan​ @the-arcana-fan-fic​ @angelwritings​ @axerrri​ @reinyrei​ @bemorefiction​ @dnarez-mangetsu​

[speuradair]

Rantaro, Fuyuhiko, Korekiyo, Kaito With An Overworked S/O That Gets A Bit Delirious From Caffeine

Definitely the most caring and attentive

It’s just his big brother nature

Rantaro understands being overworked, and in turn, he understands turning to caffeine to push through the resulting exhaustion 

He’s done it so many times, both in her personal adventures and in his school work 

He has a habit of pushing himself too far in his adventures

Leading to him switching back and forth between all nighters and sleeping way more than most people do to recover from said all nighters

That being said, Rantaro doesn’t support you doing the same thing

It’s a bit hypocritical, but hey- do as he says, not as he does

He’s definitely the type to cut you off from caffeinated drinks before you can have too many

Not to be controlling, but to make sure you don’t make yourself sick later

However, Rantaro can’t be with you 24/7

That’s how you end up drinking enough energy drinks to get a bit ridiculous 

He comes over to check on you or to hang out, only for you to quickly greet him before beginning to ramble about whatever nonsensical question you were debating mentally 

“Ah, you’re here! Awesome, I need your opinion-  If life is unfair on everybody, isn’t life technically fair...?”

He just kind of blinks, processing what you said for a second before immediately scanning the room to see what you’ve been drinking

The pile of discarded energy drink cans next to your snitches on you

“Babe- how many have you had?” he raises an eyebrow at you, trying to speak quickly so he can ask before you start on another tangent

You hesitate, both because you know he’ll cut you off and because you’ve honestly lost count

“Like, three. Or four? 6, maybe. 10 tops?”

“...”

“...”

“You’re done now”

He doesn’t even ask, he just insists that you’re stopping whatever you’re working on, and you’re going to start relaxing, at least for a bit until the caffeine overload wears off

Rantaro makes you take a break, even if he has to physically pick you up and make you sit with him 

He picks you up bridal style if he has to, all while you’re still rambling incoherently

“How do you throw away a garbage can?”

He’ll bribe you with your favorite snacks, favorite shows or videos, and of course, cuddles and affection

This usually results in you both wrapped up in a blanket together, cuddled up on the couch or bed

Rantaro knows what he’s doing- he’s not just bribing you to get you to do something else

He knows that after a little while of sitting still, curling up together, and him holding you, you’re gonna fall asleep

It works every single time

Once you do fall asleep, Rantaro just smiles to himself, shifts to get more comfortable, and falls asleep with you-

But not before pressing an affectionate kiss to your forehead

Fuyuhiko is the most confused by your behavior

Like he understands feeling the need to work really hard for long hours

He works his ass off too

but man-

Even he thinks that you’re not sleeping enough

Fuyuhiko walks into the room and he can already tell you’re overtired before you even say anything

“Just take a fuckin’ break, (name), how much caffeine have you had??”

He swears he can see you literally vibrating right now

“Uhhh, I lost track after my eleventh- speaking of which, what do teeth taste like? Do you think that everyone’s teeth taste different?”

He just blinks, giving you the most confused look he can manage

“What the fuck does that have to do with what I asked-”

“What does water taste like?”

“You’re done, you’re going to bed.”

He doesn’t even wait for you to agree or reply at all, he’s dragging you to lay down

Fuyuhiko protests cuddling, bc ya know, he has an image to keep up

But he’ll use the excuse of keeping you from getting up to lay with you, holding you tightly

He claims it’s to force you to sit still and sleep, but he also just enjoys the affection

He is not above laying on top of you until you fall asleep if you keep insisting on getting up to do something

Once you do fall asleep, he lets out a sigh, sounding more aggravated than he actually is

You’re ridiculous, but he wouldn’t take care of you like this if he wasn’t absolutely head over heels for you

He shifts to lay beside you, huffing superficially, but still gazing at you with pure adoration in his eyes

“You’re a dumbass sometimes, ya know? You need to take care of yourself, idiot. You’re gonna make yourself sick if you keep this shit up, then what are we going to do?”

To an outsider, his words sound harsh, but if you were awake enough to hear him, you’d know how sweet and loving those words are

He’s rough about it, but he just means that he worries about you

Fuyuhiko would be terrified if you got sick or hurt in anyway

He wants the best for you, and he wants you to be safe and healthy

Korekiyo isn’t exactly the type to overwork himself

More accurately, he has a tendency to hyperfixate on something for hours and hours at a time

It’s not uncommon for him to disappear into the library or his office all day, reading books about humanity and societies

But he’s also very sensitive to his own discomfort

Once he pulls himself from his studies. he knows that he needs to take care of himself

He’s also very sensitive to caffeine, so he just tries to avoid it

Which is why he’s quite concerned by your energy drink-fueled chaos

While he’s quite interested in your thought provoking questions, he’s more concerned about how delirious you seem

Did someone slip you something?

Are you sick?

Are you drunk?

It’s... caffeine? 

How odd

Korekiyo definitely stops whatever he’s doing to take care of you

He makes sure you drink water and do something calming and safe

However, he is observing you the whole time, studying each odd thing you do 

This is such a fascinating facet of humanity, isn’t it?

How a simple chemical can put you in such a chaotic daze

“Hey, Kiyo- Being “up” for something means the same thing as being “down” for something.”

He doesn’t look away from the show you both are watching, but he nods thoughtfully

“That is odd, isn’t it? Linguistics rarely develops as one would expect-”

Now he’s the one rambling, and you’re the one nodding along

His voice is super soothing though, and you’re energy is crashing

It’s not long before you’re out like a light, your body slumped against his side

Korekiyo raises his eyebrow as he feels your weight fall against him, his words trailing off as he notices you’ve finally fallen asleep

He just chuckles to himself, kissing your head gently before pulling a blanket up around the two of you

Humans are such perplexing and interesting creatures

This man absolutely gets overloaded on caffeine with you

He’s not going to be much help in calming you down, unless you’re making yourself upset or sick

Seeing you hurt or uncomfortable activates his protective mode, and then he’s very attentive, trying to get you to fall asleep and rest

Other than that, Kaito is just as chaotic as you are

Hopefully you two can balance each other out, because usually, neither of you are going to stop yourselves

Kaito isn’t necessarily the type overwork himself, but he just enjoys energy drinks and caffeine 

So when you get ridiculous after having coffee or energy drinks, it just hypes him up too

“If you’re waiting for the waiter, aren’t you the waiter?”

“Oh my god you’re right”

Most likely you two just end up crashing together, getting each other more and more hyped up before you both collapse on the bed in exhaustion

Then you two sleep for the next 14 hours, trying to make up for your previous lack of sleep

[7-wonders]

I Can Love You Like That

Summary: How do you tell someone you love them without looking like you’re a traumatized victim of a kidnapping (even if you are exactly that)?

Word Count: 3255

A/N: After the slowest of slow burns...well, I’ll just let you guys read and enjoy (or maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll hate it. Either way, you’ll have read it, so ha!).

But for real, let me know what you think? I put a lot of work into this chapter and I would hate for y’all to be unsatisfied or displeased.

(Adding in the list of previous Mad Love chapters bc I’m stupid and forgot to)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18

The first thing that you do when you finally make it home is surprising to Michael. He had expected you to fall into your bed and nap, or seek out your cat, or even go into the kitchen and start baking to distract yourself from the trauma you’ve endured. What he didn’t expect you to do was to lay on the grass outside and stare up at the clouds. 

“Uh, (Y/N)? Are you okay?”

You nod, refusing to look away from the beautiful, endless sky. “Just...enjoying the sky.”

“Do you need anything?”

This time, you shake your head. Michael shifts back and forth awkwardly, unsure of what he should do. It’s not like you’re willing to tell him why you’ve decided to lay on the grass. He’d look at you with more pity than he already shows when he hears that you’re enjoying the feeling of the sun on your skin again after two weeks of thinking that you would never experience this again. 

“Okay,” he says cautiously. “I’m going to go inside and make a couple of calls I’ve been ignoring, then.”

You wave a hand nonchalantly in his direction. “Go call off Seal Team 6, Langdon. I’ll still be here when you’re done.” The door closes behind him after a moment of silence, and you let out a content sigh at the warmth your body is soaking up as you spread your arms to your sides.

As promised, you’re still in the same position that Michael left you in when he comes outside after a half an hour. He resumes his nervous shifting, and you can’t help but roll your eyes at his hesitance. While you can understand why he would be treating you with such fragility, it’s still annoying to be on the receiving end of this.

“You can lay down with me instead of standing up, if you want.”

Michael doesn’t say anything, but you smirk triumphantly when you glance him laying down out of your peripheral vision. You can tell he’s never done anything so whimsical and carefree as laying down on the grass and finding shapes in the clouds, the stiffness of his limbs enough of a giveaway. Cautiously, Michael lays his hand palm-up on the ground as an open invitation to you. Stubbornness and knowledge wage a battle within your mind; although you would like to refuse his hand, you and he both know that your relationship has forever changed. Interlocking your fingers with his, he squeezes your hand as if to reassure himself that you’re actually here.

“I don’t have to have magic powers to know that you have a lot of questions.”

Michael laughs softly beside you. “You would be correct. I just...don’t know what’s okay to ask, or what I want to say.”

“Ask, I guess. If I want to answer it, I will. If it’s something I’m uncomfortable with, I’ll let you know.”

“I’m so sorry. For everything.” You look over at Michael to find that he’s already staring back at you. “Going to my father and complaining to him about your free will, which I love about you. Keeping things from you after the first time that he tried to poison you. That stupid fight we had. Getting you caught up in this in the first place.”

“Me being involved with you was not your fault, okay? I know that, and I need to make sure that you do too. You did not handpick me, or something like that. Your stupid dad told you what was going to happen, and you followed him because that’s what you’ve done your entire life.” You squeeze his hand to get him to look at you, shame averting his eyes up. “Okay?”

He nods. “Okay.”

A smile plays on your lips as you stifle a laugh. “God, I wish you knew pop culture, this could have been a perfect moment.”

“Why?”

“Nothing in particular.” It would take too long to explain to him.

“Was Madison the only one that physically harmed you?”

“Yeah. You know, for this tiny little actress who constantly wears designer clothes, she can throw a mean punch.” Michael doesn’t appreciate your joke, which is understandable.

“You won’t be pleased, but her death was extra painful.”

“I don’t want to say she deserved it, but…” But what? Are you really now condoning the deaths who have wronged you simply because your Antichrist husband has the ability to kill them? Said Antichrist husband can tell that you’re having a minor internal crisis about your forgotten sentence, and clears his throat to bring your attention back to the present.

“It’s okay to be conflicted about your feelings. She did terrible things to you, they all did. You don’t have to be happy about her being dead, but you certainly have no reason to mourn.”

“I thought I was supposed to be the one reassuring you.”

“I’m not the one who was kidnapped and beaten for two weeks,” he retorts. His eyes widen when he realizes what he’s said, but instead of getting angry, you giggle in amusement.

“Well alright then, is there anything else you want to ask me?”

“You’ve been through enough lately, you don’t need me pestering you with endless questions right now.”

If you’re being honest with yourself, you’re more than a little relieved. Fatigue has started to settle in your bones, and the thought of a hot shower to wash off all of the grime that a daily five minute shower under ice cold water can’t remove is extremely tempting. Whether you’re just that transparent or Michael’s tapping into his supernatural abilities, it’s obvious to him that you’ve just about reached your limit in this Q&A session.

“If you want, I can see if the kitchen staff will make your favorite food?” Michael asks helpfully. 

“Honestly, I just kinda wanna go to bed early. I’ll eat something more substantial tomorrow, but I can survive on snacks tonight.”

“Whatever you want, (Y/N). You’ve been through enough lately, nobody’s going to force you to do something if you don’t want to do so.” Michael stands up, gently pulling you up with him.

“Thank you, Michael. For...being so kind and coming to rescue me when I was a damsel in distress.”

He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “While I would do it a million times over, let’s hope that I don’t have to do that again.”

Once outside of your bedroom, Michael pauses before hugging you. “For somebody who never experienced hugs before meeting me, you’ve become very good at them.”

“Just...wanted to remind you that I love you.”

You want to say it back, but your throat tightens at the reminder of Madison’s words. “I know. Trust me, I do.”

With one last smile directed towards you, Michael lets go of your hand and watches you walk into your bedroom. Even after you’ve closed the door, he remains outside in the hall, waiting until the water starts running to reassure himself that you’re safe.

You’ve never experienced a more heavenly shower in your life. While you could have stayed under the warm flow of water for hours, the idea of coming out looking like a raisin is enough to convince you that 45 minutes is enough. As you lotion your skin and comb your hair, you take great care to study and feel each action. If there’s one good thing to come out of this experience, it’s that you’ll never take a convenience like brushing your teeth for granted ever again. Falling back onto your mattress, you revel in just how soft a bed can be. Before you can even think of getting something to eat, your eyes slip shut almost against your will. 

It’s been maybe an hour since you’ve fallen asleep when you suddenly wake, hands clutching at your chest as your heart feels like it’s going to burst. While you had assured Michael numerous times that you were feeling fine about everything that had happened to you in the past two weeks, it seems as though you were attempting to convince yourself more than him. The nightmare that woke you, of Cordelia plunging a knife into Michael’s chest while the witches made you watch before turning on you, is burned into your eyes like you were looking straight at a projector. The more that you try to calm yourself down, the more that you get worked up. Gathering your blanket around your shoulders and picking the cat up from her position at the end of your bed, you shuffle out of your room and down the hall.

You hesitate outside of Michael’s door, not sure if you’re making the right decision. Regardless of your self-doubt, the sliver of light peeking from under the door is beckoning you in from a dark hallway where your nightmares lurk in just the other room. Quickly knocking on the door, you let yourself in when Michael says your name.

He looks utterly domestic, propped up in bed with his long hair spilling carelessly over his shoulders. Ignoring the fact that he’s shirtless (why does he have to show off his flawless physique while he’s sleeping?), you smile at the book in his hands.

“You’re finishing the Harry Potter series?”

Michael glances at the cover, as if unaware of what he was reading until just now. “I couldn’t just finish the sixth book and not finish the series. I’m far too invested for that.”

“You’ll have to let me know your thoughts once you finish.” 

“I wasn’t aware that a book could surprise me, but Snape killing Dumbledore was something I had not anticipated.”

You laugh lightly in acknowledgement, but remain silent otherwise. Even though you’re Michael’s wife, you’re not sure of your place in his bedroom, which leaves you snuggling the cat as you wait for Michael to make the next move.

“Is there something wrong? I went to say goodnight to you about half an hour ago, but you were asleep.”

“I--do you think I could sleep in here tonight?” Michael does a terrible job at hiding his surprise, so you elaborate. “I had a nightmare, and I’d prefer to not be alone.”

“You know you don’t have to ask.”

Setting the book aside, Michael pulls back the covers and moves over to allow you an ample amount of space. The cat jumps out of your arms and settles at the end of the bed, happy to be with her favorite person...and you. Sliding in next to Michael, he allows you to determine just how close you want to be. You choose to lay right next to him, curling up with your head on his chest. Slowly, he wraps an arm around you, stroking his fingers through your hair when you don’t flinch away. While this is new territory for both of you, it’s comfortable.

“Do you want to talk about your nightmare?” 

You shake your head. “It was nothing. Just…”

“Ah,” Michael says in understanding. “If it’s any consolation to your subconscious, I want you to know that I never stopped searching for you. It may have felt as though I had abandoned you, but I would never just leave you there.”

“I was worried,” you admit. “Especially after the way that our last conversation ended. There was so much left unsaid, and I thought I would never get to say anything to you again.”

“I worried too. I never got to tell you how sorry I was for my part in my father’s plan.”

“You already apologized this afternoon.”

“And I’ll continue to apologize for as long as I live.”

“I get it. I don’t want to say that you’re forgiven, because that was a really shitty thing to do.”

“Believe me, I know,” Michael laughs.

“But I understand just how powerful his influence is. Back when he pulled my subconscious into Hell, or the In-Between, or whatever you want to call it, I saw how persuasive he could be.” Michael knows that something more happened during that experience, something that you’re not telling him, but he lets it go for now.

“You don’t know how much this means to me, (Y/N).” He glances down at you, hesitant. “What...what did they do to you? During your captivity, I mean.”

“Besides Madison Montgomery using me as her personal punching bag? Not much in the way of torture. They made me brutally aware of the fact that I was bait so they could kill you and stop the world from ending. Kept me locked up in a windowless room for two weeks, forced me to listen to Myrtle droning on and on for hours on end.” Michael laughs at that, and you smile at the fact that your dumb joke is something that was able to take away from the sting of hearing you talk about your experience being kidnapped.

“I’m sorry about threatening Mallory.”

“She kind of deserved it.”

“Do you think you’ll ever talk to her again?”

“Wow, we’re really just knocking out all the tough questions tonight,” you sigh. “It’s only been a day since this happened, but I’ve thought about that numerous times. I used to think that, once someone betrayed your trust, they never got it back. However, in the course of our marriage, I’ve learned that there’s so many different factors that lead someone to make that decision, especially when it comes to the supernatural. If you would have asked me last year what I would do in this situation, I already know that I would have never talked to her again. I also would have thought I would never talk to you again, but I made up my mind as I was driving away that I was going to come back the next day.”

“While I’m not pleased that I messed up enough to be one of your examples, I am happy to know that you didn’t plan on leaving me for good.”

“I could never,” you say, “who else would I have to tease?”

Michael smirks. “You would have found somebody.”

“Nobody like you, though.” The way that your heart involuntarily flutters when Michael smiles at you, no matter how you try to convince yourself that you’ve developed a heart murmur, makes you think of your conversation with Madison. “You know, when Madison wasn’t physically assaulting me, we actually had a very interesting conversation.”

“You did?”

“She basically said that I’m stupid and naive, but she also had some very interesting points.”

“What were those?”

Your hands grow clammy at the thought of being mere seconds away from Michael knowing what had been said, anxiety trying to convince you that this is a conversation best saved for another time. “You know, I’m actually pretty tired. Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

Rolling onto your side and pulling the blankets up to your chin, you try to sell the act that you really are tired. Unfortunately, Michael isn’t buying. “(Y/N),” he says patiently, placing a hand on your shoulder and moving you to face him. “What did Madison say to you?”

“You’re gonna think I’m stupid and suffering from Stockholm Syndrome or something like that.”

“I would never think that you’re stupid!” Michael strokes your cheek, making you look up at him. “Please tell me. I can tell that this is weighing heavily on you, when that’s the last thing you need.”

“She…” you sigh in frustration and rub your hands over your face. “Basically, she told me that I’m in love with you but I’m too stupid to see it.”

“And?”

“And I think she might have been right,” you blurt out in a rush, averting your eyes to the ceiling so you don’t have to look at him. 

Michael’s silent for a moment. “You...think she might have been right?”

You nod.

“Right in the fact that you’re in love with me but too stupid to see it?”

“I really hope you’re just quoting her words and not calling me stupid, but yes.”

“Oh.”

You sigh. “Yeah, that was about my reaction, too.”

“I still don’t think you’re stupid, but I do think you’re suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.”

“If I was suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, don’t you think I would have fallen in love with you a long time ago?” Michael nods in contemplation, acknowledging your point. “I’m tired, Michael.”

“Okay, we can talk about this in the morning.”

“That’s not what I mean.” Rubbing at your face, you look up at him. “I’m tired of playing this game, and being stubborn just for the sake of keeping up appearances. I feel like I’m keeping up this facade simply as a ‘fuck you’ to your dad. It was originally for you as well, but now...”

“Are you saying that you actually do love me?”

“I first realized that I might love you after Dinah Stevens reversed what Satan had done to me. You were just...so sweet and caring. You didn’t leave my side once during that time.”

“How do you know that? You were unconscious.”

“I could feel your hand holding mine the whole time. Your remorse towards what Satan had done to me and your determination to nurse me back to health...nobody else would have done that for me. Not only did you push aside your own feelings, which I’m sure were extremely conflicted, but you dropped everything for me. I’ve never had another person forgo all their other duties just so they could take care of me.”

“You love me,” Michael whispers in reverence, eyes shining in the dim light. 

Madison Montgomery had told you that there wouldn’t be some “aha” moment when it came to knowing whether or not you were in love with a person. Laying in Michael’s arms, in the peacefulness of a shared bed, you realize that this is your “aha” moment. At least, it’s one of a few that you’ve had. Nevertheless, you know that this is a position you would happily stay in for the rest of your life. You’ve never felt this with a person before, and you doubt you’ll ever feel it with someone else again. In your heart, you know that Michael is it for you.

“Yeah, I love you,” you say just as quietly. “You’re the Augustus Waters to my Hazel Grace, only with no cancer.”

Michael laughs. “What does that even mean?”

“It relates back to the pop culture conversation we had earlier today, don’t worry about it.”

He shakes his head at your quirkiness, but grins at you anyways. “I love you. So much.”

“I love you,” you repeat. It’s a new phrase, at least in the way that you’re saying it to Michael. Although new, it feels natural and good.

“So what now? We’re already married.”

“I guess we’re just working backwards. Marriage, declarations of love, followed by dating? I would like to be courted by you.” You wink at Michael, a soft blush dusting his cheekbones.

“I suppose I could do that.”

“For now, though, I would be content with just falling asleep here, with you.”

He kisses the top of your head, making you smile. “I can do that, as well.”

Michael strokes your hair and cheeks, laying featherlight kisses on your skin until you fall asleep. And when you do finally sleep, there are no more nightmares. Your world, which has been shattered and hastily taped back together numerous times in the span of a few months, finally feels right once more.

//

Tag List: @ccodyfern @trelaney @sammythankyou @girlycakepops @ultragibbycentralworld​ @xavierplympton​ @ajokeformur-ray​ @nana15774​ @queencocoakimmie​ @lichellaw​ @grim-adventures58​ @dandycandy75​ @trimbooohgodplsnoooo​ @everything-is-awesomesauce​ @jimmlangdon​ @omgsuperstarg​ @queenie435​ @sloppy-little-witch-bitch26​ @hplotrfan​ @1-800-bitchcraft​ @coloursunlimited​ @kahhlo​ @storminmytwistedmind​ @langdonslove​ @cuddletothecake​ @nsainmoonchild​ @born-on-stgeorges-day​ @tcc-gizmachine​ @90sroger​ @gold-dragon-slayer​ @atombombastic​ @lvngdvns​ @blakewaterxx​ @yoheyyosup​ @forever1313​ @ladyrindt​ @kaetastic​ @loilko​ @riotsouls666 @lustminaj​ @accio-rogers​ @holylangdon​ @sojournmichael​ @i-wished-upon-a-star-one-night​ @diaryofalandlockedmermaid​ @dark-mei-rose​ @brattylovee​ 

[aubrey-plaza]

proof of concept: TELL THEM (TO FREE THE BEAUTIFUL)

AUTHOR: aserenitatum / @theron (prev. monae/kate-siegel) FANDOM: Pitch Perfect (movies) PAIRING: Stacie Conrad/Aubrey Posen - Staubrey STATUS: draft WORDS: currently 8721 TAGS: set during Pitch Perfect 2, based on that behind the scenes gif of Stacie pulling Aubrey into the mudpit NOTES: Happy Birthday Kim! Thank you for being literally the loveliest person in this fandom and for always supporting and encouraging my fics (and even supporting me through all my other fandom hopping lmao). Writing is made so much better and fun by knowing that you’ll be reading and I’m so grateful we as a fandom and me personally get to know you <3 I’ve been working on this but it’s become such a long project that I didn’t manage to finish it today in time but I’m sharing just a lil sneak preview so that you know that your gift is on its way!! I hope you are having the best day and that we may be blessed with many more years of you!

--

Stacie Conrad, 3:48 PM Hey Aubrey! I’m assuming I can put you down as a definitely for Worlds?

The phone buzzes at the chime of an incoming text and slides off Stacie’s middle and her reflexes are quick enough that she manages to grab it before it slides off the couch as well, fingers unlocking the screen as she checks her messages and frowns with a Cheeto halfway to her mouth. 

Aubrey Posen, 6:02 PM Who is this?

Stacie pops the snack in her mouth and licks her fingers clean, ignoring her show on the large television to navigate to her camera app to take a selfie. Her front-facing camera opens and she winces at the sight of herself, hair that had been previously pulled into a neat French braid now wild and askew and framing her face not in a good way, there’s Cheeto dust on her chin from where she’d been trying to toss them into her mouth, and her mascara is smudged making her look like a raccoon. 

She looks awful. 

Stacie immediately sits up, which already makes her look marginally better. She reaches behind her and tugs the elastic from the end of her braid, dropping her phone for the time being so she can use both hands to finger comb her hair loose and even though the braid Chloe had put in for her wasn’t super tight, her scalp still feels lighter with her locks flowing freely. 

Fingers under her eyes to wipe her smudged makeup away and to brush off the remaining orange dust, and when she lifts her phone again to look at herself, she looks much, much more presentable. 

She snaps a quick picture of herself smiling and shoots it off, ready to toss her phone to the side until she sees the bubbles with three dots pop up that tell her Aubrey’s typing. 

Stacie Conrad, 6:10 PM {img attachment} it’s meeeeee

Aubrey Posen, 6:10 PM  Oh! Hi Stacie. 

Stacie Conrad, 6:11 PM wait do you not have my phone number saved?! 😭😭😭 I thought we were friends 🥺😭😩

Aubrey Posen, 6:12 PM You’re ridiculous. And no, I don’t but I’m saving it now with that picture as your contact card

Stacie Conrad, 6:13 PM why not 😟 ur breaking my heart 💔 that’s fine bc it’s a cute picture!!

Aubrey Posen, 6:14 PM  It is. I had to get a new phone because SOMEBODY pulled me into the mudpit

Stacie Conrad, 6:15 PM 😮 what a terrible person but you really shouldn’t have your phone with you when working near such dangerous sites who knows what could happen?

Aubrey Posen, 6:16 PM A rogue Bella with a plan?

Stacie Conrad, 6:17 PM but you looked so good covered in mud 😍

Aubrey Posen, 6:18 PM so you’ll forgive me if the first person in my new phone isn’t the same person who got me all muddy 😠

Stacie Conrad, 6:19 PM 😘 so, you in for Copenhagen?  Chloe said you’d be

Aubrey Posen, 6:20 PM Yes

Stacie Conrad, 6:21 PM Awes! You know… now that you have a picture of me, I feel like the nice thing to do would be to send me a picture of you

Aubrey Posen, 6:22 PM I just got out of the shower

Stacie Conrad, 6:22 PM wow you skipped right past the pictures and buildup and went straight to sexting? woman after my heart does this mean you’re in a towel right now?

Aubrey Posen, 6:23 PM No, it means that I’m not sending you a picture. Good night.

Stacie Conrad, 6:24 PM good night??? it’s like 6pm

Aubrey Posen, 6:24 PM I have plans

Stacie Conrad, 6:25 PM with someone or something? 😈😈

Aubrey Posen, 6:25 PM I’m not going to tell you

Stacie Conrad, 6:26 PM I’ll just start imagining things

Aubrey Posen, 6:27 PM I know; that’s why.

Stacie Conrad, 6:27 PM oh Aubrey you don’t know what you’ve just started

Aubrey Posen, 6:27 PM I think I do 😉

Stacie Conrad, 6:28 PM a WINKY emoji huh? wow okay well you enjoy your night. think of me when you light a candle for the mood.  first rehearsal is next thursday at 6 in the auditorium. pls bring running shoes because beca wants to punish you with cardio

Aubrey Posen, 6:29 PM I don’t consider any type of exercise a punishment

Stacie Conrad, 6:29 PM so many responses, so little time

Aubrey Posen, 6:29 PM And now you’ve wasted your comeback. Goodnight Stacie.

Stacie Conrad, 6:29 PM byeee

Stacie groans at the sound of her phone chiming with an incoming message, rolling over and burying her face in her pillow while cursing herself for leaving her ringer on instead of silencing it like she she does every day before bed, and she’s about to fall back asleep when another message comes in. 

She cracks open an eye to glance around the small room, whining softly when she notices that it’s not entirely light outside yet and cursing whomever is up at the early hour and sending her messages. 

She desperately wants to ignore her phone and go back to sleep but there’s a small, niggling part in her that can’t leave it be, and the knowledge that there’s somebody texting piques her curiosity and won’t allow her to [rest] so she rolls back and flails for the phone somewhere on her night stand. 

She flinches when she screen lights up, squinting at the sender of messages and both eyes widening when she reads who the texts are from. 

Aubrey Posen, 6:57 AM Good morning! {img attachment}

Stacie sobers up at the sight of Aubrey’s smiling face, her hair pulled back into a neat ponytail and wearing minimal make up, clearly wide awake and standing outside because Stacie can see the lake behind her and the glint of the rising sun reflected on the surface of the water. 

She slides back down into bed, curling up as she types out a quick response, her own smile never budging as she hits send. 

Stacie Conrad, 7:01 AM VERY cute! but waaaay too early so goodbye

--

more to follow soon!

[caitybug]

(Also sorry you are working on sads and feel blegh) maybe Rain is too "mundain" as far as prompts. 5? 7? 8? Any of those sound fun? 😂

5. Typed kisses.

7. Kisses after decades apart.

8. Kisses after dark.

Birdy, bc I love you, I’m going to try to do all of these haha.

(Shoutout to @adamarks​ for looking this over to make sure I wasn’t going insane.)

(1:35): Good morning! 

(1:35): Snow, it’s 1 in the morning. 

(1:36): Why are you messaging me?

(1:36): It’s 7:30 here.

(1:36): It’s still morning, though. So my original text stands. 

(1:37): Good morning, Snow. 

(1:37):😘 😘 

(1:38): XO. 

Day 2:

(10:03): Let me know how your appointment goes. 

(10:03): XO.

(10:04): My what?

(10:04): Your check-up.

(11:05): You forgot about it, didn’t you?

(11:10): I’m here, I don’t know what you’re talking about, Baz. 

(11:12): You’re an idiot, Snow.

(11:12): 😘 😘 love you.

(11:13): I love you too, XO. 

Day 3:

(15:03): Do you think the milk is still good?

(15:04): When did it go bad?

(15:05): It says it went bad a few days ago.

(15:06): But the date says best by…

(15:06): So it just means it isn’t at its BEST right?

(15:07): How does it smell?

(15:07): Not good.

(15:08): Then don’t drink it.

(15:09): What if I just don’t know how milk is supposed to smell? How often do I really smell milk?

(15:10): Snow, just get more milk. I think we can spare the money it costs.

(15:10): But I’ve already started cooking. 

(15:12): I’m just going to try anyway. 

(15:12): It’ll be cooked anyway, right?

(15:13): I want it known I believe this to be a bad idea. 

(15:14): You also said that subscribing to three different butter services was “unnecessary and excessive”

(15:15): I stand by that, Snow. 

(15:15): How can one person eat that much butter each month?

(15:16): I can’t believe you would doubt my abilities like this. 

(15:16): I thought we were in a loving and supportive relationship. 

(15:17): I love you and support your health.

(15:17): Which means cutting back on butter sometimes, darling.

(15:20): I’m going to use the milk. 

(15:22): I wish you the best.

(15:22): 😘 😘

(15:23): XO. 

Day 5:

(7:40): How is your stomach?

(7:45): Better.

(7:45): I told you to buy new milk. 

(7:47): I think there is a stomach bug going around.

(7:47): Probably that.

(7:49): Sure, Snow.

(7:49): That’s why you spent yesterday regurgitating the entire contents of your stomach.

(7:50): Yes, it is.

(7:52): Have a good day.

(7:52): I miss you.

(7:52): 😘 😘

(7:55): I miss you too.

(7:55): XO.

Day 8:

(20:46): The people above us are pounding it out again.

(20:47): Earplugs are in my bedside drawer.

(20:47): If you were here I’d just try to compete.

(20:48): You certainly would not.

(20:50): I bet we could beat them.

(20:52): Come on, Baz, I know you’ve got a competitive streak. Don’t let Richard and Shelly show us up.

(20:53): You’ve got two hands, Snow. I’m sure you could manage something.

(20:54): Oh? Good idea.

(20:54): Talk later.

(20:55): 😘 😘

(20:57): I regret so much about this conversation.

(20:57): XO.

Day 13:

(14:05): YOU COME BACK TOMORROW!

(14:07): Please stop yelling at me.

(14:07): But yes, I do. 

(14:08): 😊 😊 😊

(14:09): I love you.

(14:14): I love you too.

(14:15): Can we facetime?

(14:15): In a couple of hours, Snow.

(14:15): I’ve got one more meeting.

(14:16): 😔

(14:16): Alright.

(14:17): XO.

(14:18): 😘 😘

Day 14

I get through security. It’s always a painful even, especially in America. Have to practically strip just to stand in a machine that tells everyone what I’ve already known. 

No gun here the machine says with a green light and a beep.

As if I’d need one. 

It’s been delayed several hours for a reason I’ve yet to figure out. The weather looks clear, planes are moving in and out. People on other flights are still departing on time. 

The only reasonable explanation I’ve come up with is the airline is incompetent. 

“Snow,” I say, putting a finger in my right ear, trying to ignore the man screaming at the poor help desk person. “I may not be back until tomorrow.”

I look at the clock. Even if we left now I wouldn’t get home until midnight.

“What? Why?” He asks. His voice sounds frantic.

I hate worrying him.

“This airline work flew me through is set upon ruining my life,” I growl under my breath. 

The service representatives have been berated enough, they don’t need me coming after them as well. (Even if I want to.)

(Crowley do I want to.)

“Right now it doesn’t have us leaving for another two hours, so at earliest I won’t be home until 3 in the morning. With the trend of how this has been going, I won’t be surprised if it gets canceled altogether.”

He huffs.

“I miss you.”

It comes out as a whisper, any quieter, and I would have missed it.

It’s not that he’s ashamed of saying it. We’ve said it a lot over the past two weeks.

He’s sad. I am too. I was supposed to be home by dinner. We were going to order takeaway and watch a movie, kiss and makeup for lost time.

Ignore all responsibilities of the world around us for the evening. 

“I miss you too.” I face the large windows, looking at planes that aren’t mine leaving the runway. 

The blasted airport is under construction too. Everyone said to fly in and out of La Guardia because it is easier, but I’m wondering if I should have taken JFK. 

“I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

“You better. Preferably before I drink more spoiled milk.”

“Stay away from all dairy products until I return,” I chuckle into the phone. 

An announcement comes over the intercom.

“They’re announcing another delay, I’m sure,” I groan. “I’ll send you a text.”

“I love you,” he says from the other side.

“I love you too,” I respond, ending the call and slipping it into my pocket. 

(14:36): I hope you get home soon.

(14:36): Threaten to suck their blood, or something.

(14:36): I’m sure that would work.

(14:36): 😘 😘.

(14:37): You’re an idiot, Snow.

(14:37): XO.

Day 15, 4:16

I turn my key in the door, trying to quietly walk into the flat. My suitcase softly rolls against the wood behind me as I pull it in, letting it sit next to the door.

Unpacking can happen after I get at least fourteen hours of sleep. 

I place a brown paper sack of scones on the kitchen table.

I couldn’t resist. The shop next to us had just opened, and I knew it would make him smile. 

I continue down the hallway, stopping only to take a piss.

In our room, still blanketed in darkness apart from the street lights coming from the road beside us, Simon softly snores. 

He still sleeps on his side of the bed while I’m away. It makes my heart feel softer than I’d like to admit. 

One hand rests next to his head, his wings spread out across the bed.

I change clothes, relieving myself of all the feelings of travel before softly lifting a wing to get under the blanket and allow him to cover me again.

I don’t have long to process the fact that I’m with him again before I feel something wrap around my calf. 

I pause for a moment before I remember.

The tail.

He is, for all I can tell, still asleep. Meaning it’s recognized I’m here and is saying hello in its own way.

I rub it softly with my other foot.

It dislikes not getting attention, you see.

Simon’s mouth is open as he breathes deeply. I think his pillow is a little wet.

I’d call it disgusting (it is, truly), but I missed him so much that I can’t help but smile.

I risk moving closer and kiss his cheek softly, trying not to wake him up.

I know he hasn’t slept well without me.

(I haven’t either, without him.)

Side effect of sleeping for so many years in that tower. We both got dreadfully used to hearing the other breathe, the way we each navigated and slept.

At this point, I think even his snoring lulls me to sleep.

(I still complain about it, however.)

An arm wraps behind my back and pulls me close.

He takes a deep breath, and when I pull back I see one eye open.

“Hey there,” he says, voice hoarse with sleep. 

“Your breath smells.” I lean in, kissing his forehead. 

“Well your hair is greasy,” he replies, pulling me into a kiss, his hand moving to my hair. 

“You don’t seem to mind it.”

He hums in response.

I pull him tighter. I need to feel this. Everything. 

His lips.

His hands.

His chest against mine.

“And you don’t seem to mind the morning breath,” he states, smiling at me as we break for a moment.

I open my mouth to retort but he puts a finger to my lips, shushing me.

“No talking, only kissing,” he whispers. “I’ve not kissed my fiancé in decades.”

He leans in but I pull back for a moment.

“It’s been two weeks, Snow.”

“Decades,” he states matter of factly. “Each day was like five years passed. It’s been 70 years. I’ve gone grey and wrinkly, waiting for you to return.”

I laugh, being shut up briefly by another round of kisses.

I should sleep.

But this is so much better than sleeping. 

I feel something wet hit my cheek.

Backing up, worried there is a leak from the ceiling, I realize why. 

It’s Simon.

“Love,” I say.

What’s wrong?

“It’s fine; it’s fine,” he says, wiping a stray tear from his cheek. “I’m just tired, and I missed you.”

Another tear drops from one of his eyes, and I brush it away with my thumb.

I open my mouth to say a response, to comfort, but I feel a stinging in my own eyes.

(My eyes have been open for too long, you see. Couldn’t sleep on the plane. I’ve been up far too long to be able to control any tears that fall.)

I lean in to kiss him again.

We kiss, and kiss, and keep kissing. Hands roam, trying to remind our brains of what it feels like to have each other again. 

It was dark when we started, but soon an orange haze comes over the room as the sun rises.

The tears start, stop, start again.

Laughter rings out a few times.

“You did WHAT to our oven??” I shout at one point. 

He lays now with his head on my chest. My eyes are closed, fingers scratching his head lightly.

His hand is softly rubbing my stomach.

“Wait,” Simon says, jumping up and looking at me.

I blink a few times, trying to fight off the sleep that was about to overcome me.

“Did you get?” He asks, question incomplete.

I search his eyes for a moment, frowning, trying to comprehend before I realize what he is saying.

“Yes, they are on the table,” I laugh softly.

He jumps up and starts to go to the door. 

He pauses, looking back at me, clearly wracking his brain with a question. 

“We can eat them in bed,” I say, knowing where his mind is trying to go. 

He smiles and continues his run to the kitchen.

I look out the window and see the sun hit the windows of nearby buildings.

It’s good to be home.

[marciaownsmylife]

purly hc - “what could go wrong”

curly sneaks ponyboy out to a concert that he is not supposed to be at

•ponyboy is stupid in love exhibit A

•the entire town was buzzing for spring break because there was a rock concert being held at the drive-in

•concerts didn’t happen often in tulsa and when they did they were usually some boring old people music the parents went to

•so just about every teen in tulsa had a ticket or knew someone or was gonna sneak in

•except ya boi ponyboy

•darry said no, and ponyboy begged for weeks and weeks but darry was not budging in the slightest

•soda was going tho, but he didn’t have school and he could pay for his own ticket

•practically everyone in the gang was going, except for darry and ponyboy

•pony was so upset over this, he had been sulking anytime anyone mentioned it, and it’s all everyone talked about, so that was a lot

•even dallas has gotten johnny a ticket, darry wasn’t too keen on that but it wasn’t his place to judge

•curly however was not only certain that he was going, this bitch had a whole ass plan to get on the stage

•and pony was apart of this plan

•so it came quite a shock to him when he tried to explain what pony had to do, that ponyboy told him he wasn’t going

•”what tf do u mean you’re not going?! how am i supposed to become tulsa’s next rockstar if ur not there????”

•pony was already in a bad mood because of the concert being mentioned so he wasn’t humouring curlys jokes (curly was dead serious tho, we been knew)

•but curly always got his way so he decided that he would just have to do a little more thinking than he was used to

•which was any sort of thinking in the first place

•curly suggested to pony that he’d just sneak out

•pony pointed out that he still didn’t have a ticket

•”leave that part to me, baby curtis, all you gotta do is be at your window”

•and so it was settled ponyboy was going

•but he made curly promise not to get on stage because if ponyboy was going he had to be careful not to run into any of the gang,

•darry had personally told them that there would be a cash reward for anyone who snitched on ponyboy, and this wasn’t just for the concert this was in general

•most of the gang didn’t really snitch that often but they all knew that the cash would be high if pony was caught at the concert

•curly was fine with it, as long as he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing, whether that be sneaking pony out or getting up on stage, he was cool

•the night of the concert came and pony had gotten dressed with his pyjamas over his clothes and gotten into bed, he’d also made sure to be extra pissy that day so everyone knew he was pissed off because he ‘wasn’t going’

•which was pretty easy because being a brat was like his specialty with him being the youngest child and everything

•soda and steve has already left, so all pony had to do was wait until darry went to bed

•darry was a heavy sleeper, once he was down he wasn’t getting up until tomorrow

•but of course, he went to bed late tonight to make sure pony was asleep before him, or so he thought

•tap tap tap

•right on cue, that would be curly

•pony stripped off his pyjama layer until he was in his normal clothes and tugged on his shoes

•he opened his window, with as little squeaking as possible, to see curly with his signature grin

•”why ponybabes you look stunning,”

•”it’s the same thing i wore to school today,”

•”did i stutter,”

•they hurry to the drive-in because darry had made them late by going to bed later

•by the time they get there they missed the first song but it didn’t matter to them much, now at least all the flashing lights were already going and it would be harder for people to recognize them (more so ponyboy)

•pony had obviously forgotten his jacket because it’s what he does, so he grabs curlys because it’s fucking freezing

•after they had shown their tickets to the guy at the door, he had put X’s on their hands to show they were under 21 and shouldn’t be served at the bar

•curly wasn’t happy about this, he tried to convince the guy that he was 22, it didn’t work for a second

•they get in and decide to stay around the edges of the crowd to avoid people they knew

•pony was having the time of his life, the adrenaline of sneaking out and the excitement of being able the feel the guitar solo shake the ground was the best thing he had ever felt (bc he’s a virgin lol)

•curly was happy because pony was happy, he even managed to convince him to dance

•as the night went on the boys hadn’t seen anyone they knew, and they had even been to the bar to get water (to curlys disappointment), so they started getting closer to the middle

•curly really wanted to show ponyboy the pit before the show ended so they made their way there for the last couple songs

•this is where it gets tricky

•as another song started the singer instructed for people to get on eachothers shoulders

•curly thought this was a great idea

•and they had managed to sneak a beer each from the bar in the end so ponyboy wasn’t really at his best thinking capacity

•so pony got on curlys shoulders and it was all going fine until he looked to his right and saw johnny about three feet away from him on dally’s shoulders

•johnny didn’t see him yet so pony still had a chance, tugged on curlys hair to get his attention and motioned for him to let him down

•curly did so straight away because he thought pony was about to fall, when pony was down he pointed out johnny and dallas to curly, they were still pretty close to them

•they pushed through the crowd and we able to get away

•until pony bashed straight into his brother soda

•pony thought they were done for, his whole life was gonna be spent locked up in his room because darry was never gonna let him out again

•but he didn’t have long to contemplate his doom, before soda hurled on the ground next to him, and pony quickly put together that sodapop was absolutely shitfaced drunk, he probably didn’t even recognize ponyboy

•pony wanted to help him, but he knew if soda was here steve wasn’t far behind and he didn’t want to push his luck so he left his poor brother heaving up his dinner on the ground

•he raced after curly to catch up with him

•once they had evaded the gang they made a stop a the port-i-loos and decided they would leave now before the last song so ponyboy would be home in bed before soda stumbled in, ponyboy wasnt so sure that soda was even coming home that night but they had to be sure they weren’t caught

•two-bit finally made his appearance when they were on their way out, he was also on his way out but it wasn’t his decision

•he was getting dragged out by security for being too drunk. two had a surprisingly good memory so if he saw them he would remember it, no matter how drunk he was

•curly had spotted him just before two-bit looked their way, he was going to see them either way, so the only chance they had was to make sure he wouldn’t recognize them

•so curly did what any rational tipsy teenager would do, he shoved ponyboy up against a wall and started making out with him, covering ponyboy from view in the process

•it took ponyboy by almost complete surprise, almost because curly was a sucker for spontaneous kisses, pony just wasn’t expecting him to be so rough but then again curly had to make it look like it was some random broad he was with

•it worked, but pony and curly had forgotten all about two-bit by the time they were done, and two-bit was long gone by then

•they got back to pony’s house and snuck him through the window without waking darry and they kissed goodbye and that was that

•it like 5am when they got back and pony had to get up for school 2 hours later and he was not feeling it fam, let me tell you, this boy had never felt to tired in his 14 years of life

•darry was suspicious but pony had the perfect excuse that he didn’t sleep well because soda wasn’t there and he got a nightmare so he was covered on that front

•school however he had no choice but to go or darry would have known, it wasn’t too bad since most of the school were either taking the day off or in the same boat as him since they were all at the concert too

•the teachers knew what was up too so they didn’t really bother much that day

•he was walking home with johnny, he was honestly surprised johnny went to school today until johnny told him that he wasn’t actually at school

•he just showed up to talk to ponyboy after

•now ponyboy was like (nervous laugh) hehehehe whaaaattt ???

•johnny doesn’t fuck around, he gets to the point

•”so like are you and curly a thing??”

•ponyboy is just kinda like ‘deny until you die’

•”what? no, i don’t even know him, like, curly who???”

•spoiler it doesn’t work

•turns out johnny and dallas had seen them in the pit, they were gonna say hi after the song but curly and pony had sketched before then

•pony was like “shit when are you gonna cash in to darry and snitch on me then,”

•he had accepted his fate

•”nah man i’m not gonna do that, and it took me all morning to convince dal not to either,”

•pony’s like tf?? why not?? because if he’s being honest if he were johnny he’d be cashing in as soon as he could

•but what ponyboy didn’t know was that before he saw johnny and dallas, curly had.

•but not in the pit, behind the bar

•they had been making out

•so curly had this information that johnny had assumed he told pony about but clearly he hadn’t

•by now pony caught on to the fact that johnny thought he knew something so he played along

•they switched the subject after that, but johnny hadn’t forgotten that pony still hadn’t answered his previous question about him and curly, he decided to leave it for now

•soda had stayed at steve’s the night before and when ponyboy got home, darry was too busy lecturing soda on his drinking that night to even notice ponyboy practically passing out as soon as he got in the door

•but in the end, curly and pony counted this as a win

anotherrr purly hc because i love these boysss, my online school started back from easter break today so there might not be any more hc too soon :(((

but i have 2 more ideas lined up, one for jally and one for johnnyboy

i also kinda want to do a point of view from jally of this night at the concert idk we’ll see

[homosociallyyours]

@velvet-impala tagged me to answer this long set of questions, and bc I love this sort of thing I’m DOING IT! I’ll tag folks here just in case you don’t want to read thru this whole dang thing. But I wanna say: if you want to do this, PLEASE DO IT and tag me so I can see-- I *love* reading responses to stuff like this. But @la-paritalienne @disgruntledkittenface @and-id-marry-larry @calmrry @crinkle-eyed-boo @lightwoodsmagic -- y’all are tagged :) 

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? black, but what matters most is how smoothly it writes.

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? walkable neighborhood in a city. 3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? would love to learn how to hack into billionaire bank accounts without getting caught so i could redistribute their wealth to a variety of mutual aid funds. :)  4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? no, just milk! unless it’s really shitty/bitter coffee, and then i will take it with a couple sugars or sweetened creamer. 

5. What was your favourite book as a child? probably the Anne of Green Gables books  6. Do you prefer baths or showers? showers! i wanna love a bath, but i get bored too fast and i never feel comfortable (where do i put my head? my feet? what do i do when my belly isn’t covered by the water and it gets cold?) so they’re meh. 

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? dryad! i wanna be a tree spirit!

8. Paper or electronic books? paper, i guess. but i do love reading fic electronically, so..

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? used to be my work hoodie. but now i would say this blue striped button down i have OR this one black dress i have with 3/4 sleeves that’s really soft and comfy. 

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? i always meant to start going by Dottie when I got older, but it hasn’t happened yet so it probably won’t by now? but i would never change my name generally speaking. 

more after the cut! 

  11. Who is a mentor to you? i had a co-worker who was really a mentor for me since i got into being a cheesemonger in 2008. he’s been in the industry for a long time and basically recruited me to the job i have/had here. but when i got sick he basically dropped me/hasn’t spoken to me in a long time. let me tell you: it fucking sucks. bc a mentor is a cross between a friend and a colleague and a relative; we jokingly called him my lesbian uncle. and so losing him from my life so completely over something like this is deeply shitty. 

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for?  not now, but before i was sick i would’ve said yes. BUT only bc i think i would be a great Saturday Night Live host (not a cast member! just a one time host with a monologue/skits). So whatever level of fame i needed to get that..

13. Are you a restless sleeper? I have really bad insomnia that means i take at least an hour to fall asleep most nights. Once I’m out, I usually sleep ok, but i do have intense dreams/nightmares that wake me up sometimes. 

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? yeah :/

15. Which element best represents you? earth: the wet dirt and leaves in a forest after rain in particular

16. Who do you want to be closer to? emotionally i’m pretty good i think. physically i wish i could be closer to friends and family in NYC, Seattle area, TN/Atlanta, and Germany

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? the people referenced above. also missing my Grandmomma a lot lately and my mom. 

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. art lessons with my grandmomma. her set of pastels that were all worn down and the heavy paper (black) that she pulled out to work on. she drew a quick portrait of a man, showing me how to create depth in skin tones with blue and green against the softer flesh tones. she didn’t blend it out, the marks all painterly and strong-- her style. i was 10, maybe? 12? so not *early* but it feels like forever ago. 

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? i have no idea? i’ve eaten a lot of weirdish cheeses. i’ve had geoduck? 

20. What are you most thankful for? the amazing friends i’ve gathered into my life along the way, my dad, and my baby dog. 

21. Do you like spicy food? yes, within reason (i don’t get stuff that’s spicy just for the heck of it, like ghost pepper chips or whatever? but when spice is integrated in with other flavors i love it)

22. Have you ever met someone famous? i used to make up stories about meeting famous people that were based on partial truths. i’ve hung out with or met a lot of gay famous people. but the biggest person who comes to mind is Sandra Bernhard. I sold her cheese.  23. Do you do you keep a diary or journal? i have over the years. now i sometimes write things down in a paper journal, but mostly go to a really old blogging site where i basically put all my big feelings down in a public but sorta private spot.  

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? depends on my mood.

25. What is your star sign? taurus sun and moon, gemini rising

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? in between...not HARD crunchy, but not soft soggy. 

27. What would you want your legacy to be? would like people to remember that i loved them well and made them feel good/happy when i was around them. and hopefully that it made them feel like being good to others too. 

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? i do, but i’m mostly reading fic these days. i think the thing i read last was Pink Like the Paradise Found, which was FANTASTIC!

29. How do you show someone you love them? i tell them, shower them with physical affection, and do little things for them. also try to remember small details about what they enjoy and then do stuff to make them feel good when they’re down

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? yes, but not too much

31. What are you afraid of? sometimes being along but only when it’s very dark out and i’m in the sads. honestly-- this is some deep internalized ableism but here it is --i’m very afraid of never getting better and not being able to take care of myself or anyone else. 

32. What is your favourite scent? jasmine flowers, pu-er tea, the specific scents of people i love

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? however they’re introduced i guess. maybe because i’m an older person lol

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? i would live in the apartment i had alone (with a guest room). i would hire someone from my community to come help me out sometimes. i would get a weekly grocery delivery from the good quality place. i would have a dog walker. and i would fly home to see my family more than once a year and fly my family out for a visit sometimes. so like. probably the way a lot of ppl live? idk. 

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? ocean

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? get dinner at the thai restaurant down the street a couple times. 

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? yes, lots! 

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? i’m not having kids BUT for the kids in my life, i try to teach them/model the importance of consent and respect for their own bodies as well as other people’s. and i know it said one thing, but alongside that is that i respect and love them for who they are, and that’s something they get to decide. 

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? i want a lot of tattoos, but if i could get one tomorrow it would be a cheese themed tattoo with a variety of cheese knives (parm tools, dutch style knife) and a small cheese assortment. or a portrait of my dog

40. What can you hear now? this kinda dumb netflix show that i decided to binge today even tho it’s only kinda meh and my dog snoring just a little. 

41. Where do you feel the safest? when i’m surrounded by friends. 

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? my stupid money issues prolly

43. Of you could travel back to any era, what would it be? wanna go back to 1977 and live in the girl direction AU i wrote last year, lol.

44. What is your most used emoji? laugh crying emoji or sobbing maybe

45. Describe yourself using one word. colorful

46. What do you regret the most? not sure if this is a thing but i regret not realizing when i got bitten by a tick/got lyme disease the first time, bc maybe i could’ve just taken antibiotics and killed it, and then maybe i wouldn’t be sick? 

47. Last movie you saw? watched the new charlie’s angels the other night

48. Last tv show you watched? this dumb show is called sweet magnolias, and it’s. honestly not terrible! it’s just not my style of show. OH WAIT i take it back, they left it on a really shitty cliffhanger without warning, and that is the one way to make me drop your show/fic HARD unless i like. genuinely love you. so byeeee dumb show, hope you get cancelled

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. saungry: sadness brought on by being hungry, like hangry except oops you’re crying now! example: “fuck i knew i should’ve eaten before calling my best friend, now i miss them and i’m too saungry to figure out what to eat! Guess I’ll have tears for dinner” (almost called it sungry, but the internet thinks that might just mean ‘so hungry’)

did you make it to the end? WOW! devotion. thank you. 

[satorutini]

So Hot (You’re Hurting My Feelings)

pairing: jungkook x reader

wc: 2.1k

a/n: a whole year later, thanks to quarantine, i have returned. a drabble i made purely projecting my own feelings bc being isolated has made being far from loved ones very difficult to bear lol. so here is some fluff to help get you thru this fuckery. heavily inspired by this bop.

In the blaring fluorescent bathroom light, the strain on your eyes as you look at your phone takes twice as much effort as it should just after escaping the dimly lit dance floor.

Raising the screen an unnecessarily close distance to your face, you frantically attempt to unlock your phone, making an almost inhuman sounding hiss of annoyance when the facial recognition feature doesn’t work the first time. A quick glance at the mirror in your peripheral dawns a grim understanding; with the way you look, you wouldn’t recognize yourself either.

Three attempts later (your thumb kept pressing 6 instead of 9) grants you access to your messages and your heart drops. You swear - you swear - you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket, and there definitely was a text notification-

The panic resides almost as quickly as it came at the sight of the thin blue loading bar crossing the top of your screen.

Koo appears bolded at the top of your inbox, and your heart soars. So, he didn’t entirely erase his memory of you and shackle up with some rich influencer snob in SoHo.

Koo [11:37]: ok, be safe:)

You deflate. It had been 30 minutes since he had read the text letting him know you were going out for the night, and a good two hours since you had sent it. You had been hoping for him to crack a joke or ask for a fit pic, or even whine a little that you were going without him. But he had only displayed the bare minimum of concern. Not even a fully written okay. Not even a real emoticon.

Slumping against one of the stall doors, you sigh. It’s not that you wanted him to worry about you while he was miles away in Manhattan. It was quite the opposite actually; before he had left, you had practically been his biggest cheerleader in advocating for your boyfriend to go after this internship and live his collegiate experience to its fullest potential.

So why did you feel so vulnerable without him here?

It was fine, the first two weeks. You texted back and forth almost every hour, staying up late to call each other on the phone. A plethora of video calls, photos and memes shared over the span of the first 14 days as you silently vowed to not let the stress of a long-distance relationship weigh you down. But then came the third week. Then came the second-guessing. Over-analyzing missed phone calls or shorter-than-usual exchanges over text usually led to you jumping to the completely irrational idea that he had forgotten about you, or cared less now that you weren’t constantly in the same proximity. It was a stupid concept, you already knew. But this will be the longest that you’ve been apart from each other in the little over a year that you’ve been dating, and you can’t help the inkling of anxiety that comes with this experience.

Slipping your phone back into your pocket, you turn to fully face yourself in the grimy bathroom mirror. Is it bad that you’d been hoping for more from him? Maybe a picture or another question? A response longer than three words? The flow of conversation had gradually lost its familiar ease, replaced with this subconscious feeling of uncertainty that left conversations feeling stale. In reality, he’s probably working late or getting ready to go to sleep. You vaguely remember him mentioning a project he had been assigned to work on, and it seems as though his workload as grown progressively tasking as the semester comes to a close. The last time you had seen him over a video call, he had dark circles under his eyes despite how animatedly he spoke about the work he was doing. You also remember begging him to get a good a goodnight’s sleep when he found the chance.

Yeah. That’s probably what it is.

Should you text him back?

Your fingers slip behind the edge of the phone, fully ready to whip it out again when a couple comes stumbling into the restroom, the door swinging back to hit the tile wall with a bang! The girl, at least, has the decency to look sheepish and makes to apologize until her partner sidetracks her with kisses down her neck. You don’t bother with anything more than an embarrassed grimace through pressed lips before glancing the other way, though mostly more for yourself more than them. Squeezing passed the enamored pair through the door, you make your way back into the thick of the club, albeit a little more reluctant than you were when you had first arrived.

Your friends are might be off the dance floor by now. Returned to the bar, maybe. In all honesty, you had expected your presence in the “girl’s night” outing to be a bit of a vibe killer anyways, with how forlorn you had become in the past week. You had spent the whole car ride to the club switching anxiously between Instagram and snapchat trying to see if Jungkook had liked your last post – you, dressed up to go out for the first time in a while, definitely not fishing for a compliment from him – barely contributing to any conversation. If your friends were aware of your growing preoccupation, they hadn’t said anything yet.  It wasn’t that you couldn’t live without him, in fact, you’re a little more than perturbed by your own attitude tonight. It was that there was this lingering feeling that something was always missing. Like the fact that Jungkook wasn’t readily accessible or just within a short drive’s reach tugged at your heartstrings. Comfort. A grown familiarity. Something to fall back.

The moment someone jams their heel into your ankle you realize you’ve been standing catatonically near the middle of the dance floor, shaken from your reverie of self-pity as you nearly lose your balance. Disoriented, your vision blurs for a moment in an effort to right yourself. Glancing around, you can’t catch a glimpse of your friends. Your heartbeat thumps just about as loud as the music’s bass. Your right foot throbs in your heels. Feeling your face growing hot, you press a hand to your cheek, only for it to come away wet. I think it’s time to call it a night.

Overwhelmed, you make for the exit, and are fortunate enough to bump into one of the girls who came with you on tonight’s excursion. With a hand securely on your wrist, she leads the way back to your group, shimmying your way through the crowd. 

It’s well around 1 a.m. by the time your friends drop you off at your apartment. Albeit simple tasks, the process of taking off your heels, hanging up your coat and undressing takes what feels like an eternity. In the span of time it took for your friends to finally regroup, leave the club and take you home, you have not once looked at your phone. Cold from inactivity, it feels like metal brick in your hands, and wears on your mind with the weight of a real one as your trudge into your bedroom. In all that time he hasn’t texted once. Granted, it is pretty and it is your turn to reply. But what is there to say besides ‘okay’? You gently toss it on your bed on your slow march into the bathroom, half hoping to hear the gentle buzz of a text notification.

The idea of fully cleaning yourself up sounds like more effort than you’re willing to exert right now, so you settle for a makeup wipe, knowing well enough that your skin will hate make you sure you pay for your laziness in the morning. That’s a problem for tomorrow you to handle, you decide. Changing into an old shirt of Jungkook’s feeling slightly more refreshed, you allow the promise of sleep to lead you back to your bed. Although you’d hate to admit it, the mental gymnastics you go through with your insecurities over what seems Jungkook’s gradual withdrawal from you mentally exhausting. You avoid unlocking your phone until you’re completely submerged in your sheets. Squinting into the light of the screen, your heart sinks at what you see. The only recent text is a goodnight from the friend who dropped you off, announcing to your group chat that she’s made it home safely.

Not wanting to fall asleep feeling disappointed, you spend the better part of an hour swiping between Instagram, twitter, tiktok, and then Instagram again in search of a smidgen of serotonin despite the late hour. Most clips get nothing more than an exhale through the nose, the disappointment from tonight still lingering at the edges of your mind. You glance at the time, calculating the time difference between here and Manhattan. There was a three-hour gap; he should be well asleep by now.

Against your better judgement, you open your messages and hit the call button anyways, thinking that at least if he doesn’t pick up you can dismiss it with practical reasoning. However, much to your surprise he picks up after the second ring. Laying on his side, nearly mirroring your position, Jungkook’s form greets you cocooned under a myriad of blankets. His hair sticks up every which way in the front as though he’s run his hands through it too many times. The low light his screen emits casts shadows under his eyes and gives his skin a pale complexion. Immediately you regret your impulsive decision.

You both open your mouths to speak.

“Sorry!”

The word is blurted from your lips before he can even begin to form a sentence. Your boyfriend blinks at you. “Hm?” is his only response, voice groggy with sleep.

“I’m so sorry, were you asleep? Did I wake you? Shit,” the despondency you were feeling before only grows tenfold now that you’ve actually interrupted his rest. A string of apologies follows as you fumble with your phone to hit ‘end call’. It’s only Jungkook’s sharp call of your name that halts your hysteria. “Wait! I was waiting for your call.”

You pull the phone a little way away from your face. “You were?”

Jungkook is silent for a moment, processing your incredulity. “I was.”

“Oh.”

“I fell asleep but I was waiting for you to text me when you got back home. Like you usually do.”

“Oh.” It was common for you and Jungkook to share whenever the other went out and or was coming home late. In your own distress, you had forgotten to let him know when you arrived home. The thought provokes the image of Jungkook, curled up in his cramped rental in New York, drifting off with his phone in his hand as he waits to feel his phone vibrate. It nearly breaks your heart. “I-I must’ve forgot. I’m sorry, I figured you’d probably be busy or asleep by the time I’d come home. We haven’t exactly talked much today.”

“But you called anyways?”

“Wishful thinking?” you shrug with your one free shoulder. “Didn’t think you would pick up.”

“Hmm.”

You and Jungkook share a guilty look. What’s this odd feeling that’s creeped into your heart? Insecurity knots a tight feeling in your chest.

“I missed you today.”

And just like that, it’s gone.  The million questions dissipate like a fog clearing from your mind as you inwardly scold yourself for your own irrational thinking

“Yeah?”

You often wondered if he thought about you as much as you thought of him. Outwardly, he was seen as the bigger sap between the two of you, but often you found your own thinking to become the floweriest of prose when it came to him. You found memories of him in even the smallest things, like the taste of spicy foods, in the smell of lavender or in the sound of someone opening a bottle of sprite. You found him at the edges of comic book pages and in the first notes of an acoustic song. You wonder if he could find bits of you about the city. If he ever thought of you, waiting on him hours away, outside of the times when it was deemed obligatory.

“Do you not miss me every day?” You wiggle your eyebrows to insinuate a playful dig, but the both of you are well aware of the tinge of honest curiosity underneath.

Jungkook offers a tired smile, but in that moment, the genuine adoration in his eyes is all the affirmation you need. “Every day, all the time.”

[rchtoziers]

angst 12 or misc 14? (welcome back!!)

12. “Why are you awake?” from this prompt list

what better way to commemorate my return to this hellhole than with some angst?

tw / for a brief mention of suicide bc richie is an asshole who makes tasteless jokes sorry

*

Beverly finds him on the fire escape not long after he comes out here in the first place. His hands are itching for a cigarette and she must know it, because she passes him her pack and her lighter without a word. She still doesn’t say anything as he lights up and takes a long drag.

“Why, I knew you’d come a-lookin’ for me sooner or later, Miss Marsh, and I must say I am dee-lighted you finally found me,” Richie says, in his best Southern Belle. She takes the cigarette when he passes it to her.

“Your voices have gotten better,” she tells him.

It’s a compliment he doesn’t quite feel like he deserves.

“Perks to having no friends out in LA, I spent a lot of time listening to myself on tape and cringing,” Richie says. He takes the cigarette back with shaky fingers. It’s summer, so it shouldn’t feel so damn cold, but it’s nighttime in Maine, and there are certain things the seasons just can’t chase away. “Why’d you come looking for me, anyway?”

“Why are you awake?” she counters.

“Are you telling me that you’d be able to fall asleep after all the shit we just went through downstairs?” Richie asks. “Bev, you literally just told all of us that you’ve seen us die. Then Mikey was like, hey, we’re gonna hold off on the group murder-suicide pact we’re making by going after this fucking clown, why don’t you guys go get some rest? Like. Hello? How the fuck are we supposed to sleep.”

“Eddie was handing out Ambien like it was candy,” Beverly tells him. Richie snorts around a laugh.

“God, that fucking sounds like him,” he mutters. “Hope no one took him up on it. Mikey wants us up at the ass-crack of dawn to start on this fucked up quest and no one is getting out of bed if they took a fucking Ambien.”

Beverly hums. She gestures for Richie to hand the cigarette back to her and smiles when he passes it.

Richie takes a steadying breath. “Can I ask you something?”

Bev takes a drag slowly, deliberately. She doesn’t quite meet his gaze when she passes the cigarette back. Richie means to take a drag of his own but his stomach is twisting with anxiety. “Are you sure you want to?” she asks finally.

“Do we all make it out of this?” he asks. “In twenty-four hours, are we all still alive?”

He hates how his voice breaks, like he’s fourteen again instead of forty and going through puberty all over again.

“Richie,” Beverly breathes.

“We already fucking lost Stan, Bev, I can’t,” Richie tries to say. His breath is coming quicker and quicker even as he tries to keep himself calm. “I can’t. I don’t think I could handle losing anyone else.”

Beverly wraps her hand around his wrist. It’s been years, but she used to do this way back when, too. It’s different now. He’s not that lanky, bony kid anymore. Her fingers don’t wrap all the way around his wrist. Still, it’s steadying. It’s calming. He wonders how he survived so many years without her.

“Richie,” she says again, and it’s not an answer but Richie’s not sure he’s gonna get one from her anyway. He’s shaking and he hates that, he hates that there’s no way for him to hide the anxiety he’s feeling right now. He hates that it’s his first time back with these people who he was ready to die for and how all he can think about is how much of a mess he must seem like to all of them.

“I have to tell you something,” he gasps out. He drops the cigarette and it falls through the grating of the fire escape. Beverly doesn’t even yell at him for wasting it.

“Okay,” she says calmly.

“I’m gay,” he says, in one frantic exhale of breath. He squeezes his eyes shut so that she can’t see when they start to fill with tears. “Fuck. Fuck.”

Beverly rubs her thumb along the inside of his wrist, calm and sure and steady as always. How did he ever survive without her by his side? How did he survive without any of them? “Okay,” she repeats. Her voice is impossibly softer.

“It’s not okay,” Richie chokes out.

“Yes, it is,” Beverly says. “It is.”

“I think I’m still in love with Eddie,” Richie says, before he loses the nerve, because if he’s going in then he’s going all in and he’s not gonna hold anything back. He’s kept his mouth shut for twenty seven years and when he has talked it has always been the wrong thing and for once, for once, he wants a chance to get it right. “Jesus Christ, I just. I remembered I was desperately in love with him when we were kids and like. God, I was gonna follow him to college. I was gonna follow him anywhere. I cried like a bitch when he left and I just. I forgot. I forgot. How do you forget being in love like that? How do I still—how do I still fucking love him like that after twenty seven years?”

Beverly lifts up his hand and faintly presses her lips to the back of his palm, soothing in a way she has no reason to be. Richie has such love for her that he thinks he could set this whole building on fire when he bursts with it.

“Love like that doesn’t really go away,” she tells him. “I think you’ve held onto it for twenty-seven years and just not realized it.”

“He’s married,” Richie says miserably. “So what the fuck do I do with that?”

Bev gives him a wry smile. “Try your best to survive tomorrow so you have the chance to see if he feels the same way?”

Unable to stop it, Richie huffs out another laugh. Beverly had been the only person who could make him laugh when he was in moods like this back then, too. “Guess that’s all we can do. Try to survive.”

“Yeah,” Bev agrees.

Neither of them say a word as she shifts and tucks herself under his arm, but it’s a comfort they both need. Richie wonders how it could be that she still fits so well against him after so much time has passed. They were made for each other, in so many ways. This group was made for one another.

“Beverly,” he tries again.

“You know I can’t tell you,” she whispers. “I’m so sorry, Rich.”

There’s an ache in his chest that he’s only now realizing has been there for twenty-seven years. Richie holds her a little closer. “I know,” he admits. “I still wish you could. I can’t lose anyone else, Bev. I need all of you.”

Beverly is quiet for a long while. Then her hand tightens around his hip and her voice is quiet as she says, “I know you can’t, Rich.”

He closes his eyes and rests his head against hers.

[chcrrysprite]

17 questions - tagged by @manonisamelon :) i love doing these, ty :) 

1. nickname: em by most bc my name is emma, but one of my irls calls me emmer 2. zodiac sign: capricorn (january 10) 3. height: 5′7...i’m american, you have to bear with me when it comes to my nonexistent education of the metric system :/ 4. hogwarts house: hufflepuff, last time i took the test :) 5. last thing i googled: draco malfoy (i was trying to remember what weird thing he named his kid - it’s ‘scorpius hyperion malfoy’ and i can’t, he’s so extra) 6. song stuck in my head: literally off of ‘folklore’ at any given time. those songs just live there now and play on shuffle 7. number of followers: two-hundred-thirty-something <33 8. amount of sleep: usually seven hours and then i end up falling asleep in the middle of the afternoon during my writing time smh 9. lucky number: i don’t have one but i feel like it used to be 21 or 22 10. dream job: being an author, helping out with the elderly, and/or, uh, marrying rich AJKDBSFHBJS 11. wearing: black shorts and a t-shirt, aka the quarantine fit 12. favorite song: ‘i always wanna die (sometimes)’ by the 1975 has been my favorite for years. they’re elite 13. favorite instrument: guitar. i used to play when i was younger but now i’m lazy. 14. aesthetic: all over the place, but i love dark academia and i would for sure adopt that if it was a more practical way to live in modern life lol 15. favorite author: i really don’t read that much 0_0 i found ao3 and then didn’t look back, but i really like ‘everything, everything’ by nicola yoon, so i’ll say her. 16. favorite animal noise: my loud ass cats, especially egg, who will scream at you until she gets attention 17. random: currently writing chapter 5/13 of that fic that is taking me months 0-0

i’m gonna have to be lame and not tag anybody for this since we all pretty much share the same mutuals :,) so i’m pretty sure that everyone i know has been tagged already. love you guys though :,) <3