#and im having a really good day so yay!
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KJ MY BELOVED, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE 🥳😍🥰🤩🩷🩵💜💕💖💛🧡💚 hope you’re having the best day! sending you all the love, mwah 😘 🫶🏼✨🧁🎂
AWW TYSM MY BELOVED KELS 💙💙💙💙💙
#and im having a really good day so yay!#kj gets an ask#hoodie-buck#the kels tag#happy birthday to me! 🎉
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day 24 drawing len until my preorder arrives
oh my god i finally finished them
requests still temporarily closed (｡>﹏<)
#my art#art#kagamine len#kagamine rin#kagamine twins#digital painting#vocaloid fanart#please reblog it took so so so many days#THIS IS WHY I WASNT DRAWIGN AS MUCH BTW ITS BCUZ OF THESE DRAWINGS#THEY ARENT PERFECT BY ANY MEANS they have plenty mistakes bBUT I MADE THEM!!!!#drawing len everyday until my preorder arrives#i am DYING !! im shaking with excitemeny that its finally done#SORRY U CAN OBSVIOUOUSLY SEE I HAVE A FAVOURITE IN THIS ONE FDGXVASDTFX with the effort put in an all#BUT I REALLY WANTED TO MAKE SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOU ALL#watch this become a flop post with like 15likes and 2 reblogs tho DGAZCVDSGXVZC#I didnt know i could do it but look at me go#qiekz hall of yay#electric angel
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RANT
#hey boss#u uh- u said i was working sun n wed- can i have more consistent days so i have days to block out for interviews?#.#uve been forewarned#ok so its four months into my gap year and HOLY SHIT JOB SEARCHING IS SO FRUSTRATING#so im working as a clerk at this law firm mon and wed (only 8 hours total tho)#n i THOT i had my reatil job in the bag but then boss goes “yea im really sorry but i cant give u three days - only sundays and weds”#so i was like great ok i need another job thats cool ill just bliock out sundays and weds for potential employers#THEN on sat boss texts n goes “ahhh i dont need u till next week- also can u switch ur wed to fri”. ??????? MA'AM#so i go#she says sorry kid i dont WHICH IS FINE I APPRICIATE THE COMMUNICATION#so i have an interview the next day at a coffee shop for a time THE MANAGER OFFERED#i show up after having pit my day aside for this noon interview#i walk in employees go “uh ho manager stepped out”#she camnt come back for the rest of the day AND doesnt apologize in her email- just “unfourntallyyyy i didnt have time to check my email”#MAAM YOU SEND THE INVITE#whatever#luckily last friday i was invited to this job fair by like four diff locations in san fran n was immeditaly hired#(first trial shift tmr yay!)#but the commute is gonna be KILLER#however im hopeful n i love coffee so yay#also my pet sitting is taking off ive got two sits booked for october#which is suprising bc im also traveling for half the month#manchester edenbrough st andrews milan lake como babayyyyyyy#also this thursday im heading to chicago and maine for a wedding (yay go love!) and to tenessee for another wedding in jan#so now ive got law firm retail associate barista dog sitter n i just KNOW when the holidays roll around n both retail jobs will be wack ill#be floored#but. ahem anywats good things frustrating thinsg stressful things but GOD am i glad i took this gap year#oh yea and ive been hiking tones! lands end trail#tilden park
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"i cant keep doing this anymore" says guy who will continue to do this some more
#its me im the guy#im so tired . so so tired#in a really bad time with my job lately#in that nearly every day is so so trying and gives me moments of stress#and every week is just a countdown to the weekend#and like the day may not even start bad but by the end of the day im just tired and on the verge of or having a headache#it may just be that i get like this especially before my vacation where im like if i dont get my vacation im going to perish#and thats coming up in september so yay i can finally relax and have fun then#and i do that on the weekends but god they are so short. i hate working full time so much but! i have no choice but to do it#i cannot afford to work part time or not at all i dont have the time or money to go to college for a degree for a better job#im stuck here!!!!! god anyway .#its also just a lot less good at my job now theres so many more people here and i dont have as much goof off time which is essential#god anyway im too tired to rant any more#only solution is to finish my screenplay and make it big
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pokeani moments that exist purely to make Me miserable:
the line where they call ash's oshawott a throwaway pokemon in the unova league so they're just flat out saying they think it's a worthless pokemon
to thine own pokemon be true (extra angst points for me bc ambipom was my second favorite on the team at the time)
the granddaughter of the guy who trains gliscor calling gliscor pathetic and weak to her face despite gliscor being an extremely sensitive pokemon
pretty much everything about that gible
blue episode (favorite color but they made it a fetish somehow and also dewott and brionne and meowstic are all there and its so bad)
boxing heracross immediately. also that battle frontier episode where it's literally the only returning ash mon (barring torkoal i think but i dont count it bc its native to AG) to get humiliated onscreen
pidgeot returning but gliscor didn't even show up in the miniseries despite being an Actual Character
#sorry ik i keep bringing up the throwaway line but like. its SOOOOOOOOOO bad holy shit#the heracross one isnt aaaaaas bad tbf bc they really make up for it in the sinnoh league#but aside from one ep in the miniseries we never quite get an episode where oshawott proves itself in a battle#i still love that episode bc it still kinda feels like an apology for all the oshawott bashing in bw but i am a little :/#that battling didnt even come up once#ive kiiinda eased up on gliscors benching episode bc at the end of the day it isssss pretty good to her. also its the best animated one#but its treatment like what i mentioned that still really drags it down to me#and also like. i know ppl praise gliscor being so powerful after the episode but i really dont get why we couldnt have just#had a gliscor training arc onscreen. but ig we wouldnt have that stupid ass gible plot that went nowhere now would we#but like.... we had such a huge stretch between that episode and the league. i really dont get why we couldnt have had a mini arc#where gliscor realizes shes not pulling her weight that well and really starts hauling ass#she doesnt really even sweep in the paul fight. she gets beaten immediately by ninjask#the drapion part was awesome tho yayyyy#but my point is that it wouldnt really change much if gliscor just stayed and got stronger on its own#have the bench episode be a wake up call for gliscor rather than a goodbye one and she becomes super competent#like im not just saying this bc gliscor is my favorite character in the entire show. i feel like its straight up kinda lazy and less reward#rewarding#imagine how the drapion fight could be EVEN MORE cathartic if we saw gliscor struggle and fight to get better throughout the show#as much as i like that specific battle and ash vs paul as a whole... it just kinda proves my point that sending gliscor away at all#was kind of a shitty move#like ohhhhh ash's team is all getting revenge for lake acuity yay!!!!! oh one of them was kicked off for the sake of a shitty gible plot th#which really only served to make shitty piplup bashing jokes and only actually had a conclusion in the league itself#by which time it was too late to actually do anything else with it. yeah we kicked someone off for that. but shes back now!!!#like it doesnt weaken the battle THAT much. in fact theres some value in how ash went out of his way to make sure gliscor could be there#so her defeat could also be avenged. and its still my fave battle in the whole anime. but it just proves to me how pointless that was reall#echoed voice
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#I like bubble a lot#and stereotype poppy and teddy bear#but these^ ones are soooooooooooooooooooooooooo good best songs in the world#stayc#kpop#kpop polls#music polls#I learned teddy bear choreo which is a compliment to the song and it's cute! very fun!! esp with the choreo yay!!!#but compare it to like so bad (which I also learnt the choreo to. and run2u also.^.^)#also I havent listened to their full discography more than once#so its possible that one day I will discover I missed a bop#that I overlooked first listen or so#i was obsessed with poppy when it came out but listening to it now after im out of that obsession it doesnt hit like the other songs#i was obsessed big time with SO BAD. like one of my biggest kpop songs obsessions#fuck I just realized I also have to vote for this. FML this really is impossible poll for me#rn im obsessed with beautiful monster#but idk if its like the universal answer or just right now..#before beautiful monster obsession I was obsessed with same same#I feel like I should go through an obsession with all of their songs before making this poll because it very well could happen#also sorry for not including asap but tbh that song is overrated
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guy went big biking
#yippee one hour ride to get my bike to the city i study inn#i couldve had my dad bring it over but this is more funn#plus!! im trying boba >:3 yayy#guy goes to city and gets to do thing he likes!! is this real???#yayyy#sillyposting#im a bit tiredy now thoo#lets hope my muscles have deemed this a fine activity aswell and wont complainnn#ok =w=bb#time to take the train back!!#havent gotten the boba. will sip it over journey backk and maybee report later if its really speciall#OOOH WAITT ive also decided that breakfast is good maybe. diarea every day isnt good at least.#so im trying smoothies in the morning#had my first one today and im hopeful!! its prettygood =w=#yay health!
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Your watercolor piece is so BEAUTIFUL!!! its so hard to see fanart of traditional media and you absolutely *ate* with that one 🥹 the colors are so delicate and i love all the white space you left in between
aaaaa thank you!! always happy to see people be excited about traditional art :D
#asks#rebelwithoutabroom#honestly always makes my day when people get excited about seeing fanart done traditionally#Im gonna rant a moment in the tags now since Ive seen a few people bring up the composition and all that#I was!!! very much influenced by old illustrations to the OG three musketeers#and also very much inspired by the works of the illustrators of the golden age of illustration#(I got to see some harry clarke pieces in person so I kinda went digging thru it)#I was actually about to ditch the entire idea at one point!#really liked the thought of it but not the execution#so I looked thru all these classic artists of the golden age#and then picked up my antique artbook of ludwig richter (his art is really lovely go look him up)#and while going thru the pages I kinda just realised that oh yeah I can just. fake the background#the side alley with the arches is a bit of a weakness of mine#whenever Im on holiday and see one I have to take pictures#I did actually do an illustration in a very similar setting with a similar angle last summer#so I decided to put it down on paper and hey. not bad#I really enjoyed painting this one I like how soft the watercolours came out#it actually looks like watercolour this time! yay!#(I say to myself demeaningly because I aspire to paint like luděk marold one day)#but yes the archway of the alley kinda forms a frame around dream and george#and then you have sapnap breaking it by his fall and his stuff scattered on the floor Outside the frame#all while george is stepping out of the frame to pursue him and dream clutching his arm like 'baby no :((('#and the very light ivy clinging to the wall calls back to the ornate frames of flowers that were used in illustration a lot#i need to do more of these. I really hope to tbh#I had a really good time painting this one#Ive had a really good time painting in general as of late. missed this
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i love your art! it always brings a smile to my face <3
oh this is so kind 🥺🥺🥺 thank you so much!!
#this was so nice bc I have been really struggling with my art lately#and it’s been hard to make things turn out the way I want and I keep getting frustrated and not liking it#so yeah this is just nice to hear<3#also it’s just. idk when people say this to me I’m like ??? really ?? 🥺#cause there are so many really cool art styles/artists out there and my stuff to me is not very standout#I mean I have a good time making things and I’m glad other people like the things I make#I just assume it’s like ‘oh yay my blorbo!!’ rather than like my style specifically haha#which is fine!! like obviously I love my blorbos and I get excited seeing them djdjdj#and I don’t necessarily feel *bad* about having an art style that is less flavorful than others#I like my style (usually haha)#but still it just makes me like !! when someone like my art specifically idk!#it feels special to me#like if the style is nothing to write home about and some people still write home about it djjdd im jusf<3 Aw thanks for including me.#thanks for thinking of me#it’s meaningful to me to know I hold space in people’s thoughts#anyway I’m glad I could make u smile anon 🥺 this made ME smile#and sorry for the uncomfortable tag rambling I’ve been weirdly emotional the past few days most like due to shark week#werewolf time if you will#lmao#anon#ask#nice things
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ok ok so you know how my life has majorly revolved around my pain since july & how that has been extremely difficult :) well lately I find myself getting up later than I want to & making my bed as badly as I possibly can & getting out of the house after noon when I planned to get out in the morning & walking to the library when it’s sunny & sitting there for hours & the whole time I’m most concerned with writing & that it’s incredible what I’m doing, it’s a little paradise
#you know how I hoped September would be kind to me well it delivered#I actually didn’t realize how mentally poorly I was doing until I got out of it !#like oooooof it’s like a chronic pain veil#& to be very honest it’s because I’m physically better so I cannot blame myself and I don’t lol bc there will be a time when that happens#<< again#I mean better loosely I just mean I haven’t had 8/10 pain every day for weeks LOLLL#but it’s really quiet and beautiful & im grateful !!! like yay I can still create !#I’m not thinking abt my pain 95% of the day now it’s probably about 40%? 50? so a lot but I’m literally not every single thought LOL#sometimes it’s even like 20! not even cuz anything is getting better bc it’s not but I will take it even if idk why!!!#(& by nothing is getting better I mean meaningfully better but I have been blessed with some good days lately which I had none#of all summer)#I say this bc every day I wake up and immediately think OH GOD MY PAIN which is so valid bc it’s awful in the morning getting up is like#falling into a black hole Lol but also while that thought is still there I also thought#wow I’m so excited to write today I’m so excited to see what Jeremiah does#HE IS THE NARRATOR OF HEALING#also like SOOO PRIVILEGED to be able to do this like I also wanted to say that!#anyway update for u since I know I have shared the Despair but none of the beauty yet lol#lots of love chronic illness/pain bbs <3
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Feeling a debilitating sense of dread and despair 🤨 Which probably means nothing😍👍
#girl help i cant get out of bed i feel so so awful for no reason at all#literally my soul is gone or something#i have no desires and no joys and no sense of being blessed#which is crazy bc i love life and im so blessed ! usually.#ig i should do something abt it tomorrow if it doesn't get better#alternatively get back into therapy bc tbh... after that horrible sex thing ive felt kinda off#like even after i was able to eat and sleep and function normally without the tremors and head jerks and whatnot#like its not dramatic anymore but i kinda feel drained of life and joy#moments of genuine happiness and fulfillment are ... ? idk. i did feel happy once this week and that was nice but it didnt last obviously#but like ! im not depressed in a depressed way. i take good care of myself and i read my books and eat food and hang out with friends#i just kinda dont recognise myself ig. i mean i know ill get my spark back but maybe i need some professional help#idk !! it kinda feels very silly tho#like ive been in and out of therapy for more than half of my life. and being one year therapy free was a big step for me !#so going back for this little ridiculous freakout feels like a setback#kinda like im making up things to be wrong with me just so that ill have someone to talk to ? or to have attention idk#it doesn't make sense bc i really was proud for getting bettter and i rly dont want to be in therapy anymore#but who knows 🤷♀️#there is also this slight risk. just clinically speaking by purely looking at symptoms of certain things. with no stake in the matter! lol#that there might be something bad and [lets not think too hard about it] that lies as a root cause of my little mental breakdown#like according to my sex having friends losing your virginity is awful but not THAT awful and not in THAT way#and my friend kinda said i scared her with how i was acting when i talked to her abt it. like my demeanour and body language and whatever#and i do trust her to know whats normal versus concerning when i dont have my own stable grip of reality#plus. if i was an outside party and applied my psych education on myself. i would say its not looking super good#but i cant really do that bc im not some random patient. im me myself and I 😩✋️ thank you#but whatever. itll be fine. tomorrow will be a better day ! yay !
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hiii :333 i think i am alive !! ( small update in da tags )
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#WOOOAGHHHHH HAVENT BEEN HERE IN AGES. WOW>#sorry guys im a straight a student in their senior year of hs... i have been enjoying real life ^_^ i miss it here tho. :(#will be active soon bcs school is gna end. fucking sobbing but we don't talk abt that#i am here instead of working on the uh. 2 group presentations i need to work on. and the 1 Solo presentation.............#which is crazy btw bcs it's a whole research event thing bcs im in stem ^_^ closing remarks heehaw. Just Me.#so i'm proud of myself & for better understanding myself lately but there is still sm i want to do!!! like On here <3#in a much better headspace and life and etc. its good yay.#anyway hashtag wanna be an astrophysicist (a+ physics? ez. but also ive always loved math & astronomy) astronomer musician#author video game dev (future compsci student! or physics. still deciding.) uhhh psychologist philosopher blablabla phd one day#yay ^__________^ I MISS WRITING ON HERE THO and interacting w moots :P altho idrk how to get back into that shit#anywhere really but it's ok we find ways. man. i miss it here. before i get active again tho i should rlly makes lists to do and Fix stuff.#bye for now yay just a lil update from me !!! ^_^ it's been at least... 4 months? bcs i rmbr not properly saying happy new year on here HEL#raaaaaaaaaaaaa apollo is so back babaey the world is so beautiful & so am I. anyway. u all take care mwamwamwa
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this time last year i was probably sitting in the kitchen while my dad started making an early dinner of chicken bolognese trying not to get too nervous about the concert i'd be going to in a few hours
#the nyc concert was last year. LAST YEAR .#thats so insane like yeah that feels like a year ago but good god the insane amount of stuff that has happened since#but god i remember that day so well#it was cloudy and a little rainy in the morning which made me ough thinking it was a bad omen and wouldnt be as fun#and i remember going to library and printing out my silly letters (i should have just. not done that lol)#and on the DAY OF on the way back home from the library#i even bought a cropped black blazer specifically for my concert outfit. havent worn it since lmao#and my dad and i even watched a movie at lunch#a short movie but a movie nonetheless. lol and even then i was like oghh my gosh excitement and nervousness#and then the car service getting there i felt so fancy and as the drive started the clouds were magically dissipating#so that it was a nice clear evening when i got to the theatre#and then all the insanity of the show. god i cant believe it still after all this time. wowie#going to listen to a playlist of the show setlist im gonna get emotional now. guys........#one of my fave memories is how everyone started standing up as they went into so may we start so i was like ok are we all doing this#and stood up too and then stood for the entire rest of the concert. i think the first 3-5 rows were like that for the whole show#surreal and insane i was front row. those guys were REAL and CLOSE#i was also very excited to notice russells new shoes :) when i wasnt like awooga (how i was 99% of the time)#there was one so may we start jump that was well. yeah. front row baby#i think after latte i was like ok i cant film i gotta just vibe#religious experience doing the 'ah ah ah's during that. really interesting#ok im not gonna go through the whole show again but wowie one of my most insane nights. second only to hollywood bowl#wow what a fun year it was. just so many incredible moments#ok yay 💖 happy one year to all that. love those guys so much#spars#ok not actually done beaver o lindy was INSANE LIVE!!! AS WAS EVERYTHING ELSE. so fun ok now done for real
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im really just struggling at this point again to think that i can do anything with writing. or that im any good at it, that the things i make are any good or worth anyones time. that what little i manage to push out rn is even worth the effort of even making
#idk. i keep looking at the hanahaki and that bombed pretty well. just like everything before it#and yeah sure maybe i should give it a bit more than three days but in the hell scape of online its already been forgotten#ppl arent gonna find it going forward either if they havent looked at it already#just.. its not that just with this. its everything. it takes me so much to get writing these days and its just not giving me much back#i mean it makes me happy to create (i think) but beyond that its just a waste of my time and already limited energy i have#its just not worth it i think. who fucking cares#i know i keep saying this and then turning around to make something again just to burn myself again and repeat the cycle cause i never learn#it is what it is. i know i cant make people care even if i try. i honestly dont know why im trying#maybe i just really actually need to step away. like. for good#im just not good at anything maybe i'll get it through my thick fucking head one day#how its nothing but disappointments and misery one day after another. and almost always self inflicted. yay#sorry you dont care its fine im just sad again
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also i was planning to buy myself a black lamy safari as a treat for beating a hardcore run of de (to mirror kim’s black jacket because i am a homosexual) and all the sticker orders are really helping me rationalize buying more pens thank you guys
#crying in the club cus i love you all#(im not crying and im at home but i do love you all)#i got really lucky so far in the run!! body down and fully inspected day one#i got this really interesting event where it was too late in the day for kim to take it away so he was like#lets put it in the kineema and do it tomorrow#and then next day he was like HERRY GOOD NEWS i took it away already. i couldnt sleep thinking about it rotting in the kineema#and i was like aw but also YAY i dont have to wait for him to come back#for those of u who dont want a moment away from him. lifehack
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tranniversary <3
#augh 4 years of knowing im trans........#=3=#anyway#> its 2020#> im scrolling through reddit#> sees lgballt post#> read#> oh.#=w=b#(apparently its not 'normal' to wanna be a ken doll sex characteristics wise)#its fun to have a specific point in time i can point my realization to!! yay#especially since its like 4 days after my birthday.#i dont. LOVE my birthday. and have a lot more pride in my tranniversary.#so ive kind of adopted today as my REAL birthday =w=bb#its awesome#sillyposting#its not that i wasnt trans before the realization. i just. did not know.#id been in queer online spaces for a good enough bit but it just never. clicked.#i mean. it did once i think. but then i forgot about it <3#i literally remember thinking 'oh wait am i a demigirl? yeah im pretty sure thats it' and then didnt think about it for another 2+ years <3#+ a moment when i was like. 10/12 y/o somewhere around that.#and i was putting different studs in my ears.#and literally went. “ooh ill pick pink on one side and blue on the other!! which means that im between them!! in between girl & boy <3”#this was before i knew about ANYTHING really queer so =w=b#slay.#i love my younger self.#anyway im scheduling this in like. january.#this is a big day for me. way bigger than beating teen pregnancy or whatevs
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