#i mean it makes me happy to create (i think) but beyond that its just a waste of my time and already limited energy i have

[the-kipsabian]

im really just struggling at this point again to think that i can do anything with writing. or that im any good at it, that the things i make are any good or worth anyones time. that what little i manage to push out rn is even worth the effort of even making

[trippinsorrows]

without you + one

authors note: hi, friends! so this is a foundational first chapter, meaning its intended to lay down a blueprint. there may or may not be some foreshadowing.....

but let me just say this. i have no intentions on drastically changing anyone's characterization from book one. e.g. joe has always only had eyes for reader. that won't change. he's all about his family.

do not read this story if you haven't read 'with me'. it won't work as a standalone.

warnings: language, some angst, fluff, and suggestive themes

song inspo: be without you by mary j. blige

words: 5k

Two weeks.

It’s been two weeks since your life was forever changed in a night of pure magic.

Two weeks since the love of your life proposed to you in the most beautiful way in the most beautiful place on earth surrounded by the most beautiful people.

Just thinking about it still brings on chills and goosebumps. It might just be one of the happiest nights of your life. 

And even returning home, being with your family, enjoying your pregnancy has continued on the theme of love and contentment. 

It’s almost nearly perfect except for one little thing. One tiny little human you just so happened to have created who seems to think that she has first dibs on a certain fiancé of yours at any given point and time.

Callie has been loving every single second of Joe being home on indefinite leave, and while you’re happy for her, happy for him that they have the time to spend together, it’s like she wants to spend all of her time with Joe.

And that’s fine, except for the fact it’s like she doesn’t want you around at all.

They’re playing tea party and she hits you with the, “mommy, it’s for daddies only.”

He’s having her help him cook, and she hits you with, “mommy, you can’t cook.”

She’s suckered him into watching Moana with her for the 18th time, and she hits you with, “mommy, I wanna watch it with daddy.”

Sis is beyond possessive. It’s gotten to the point where you almost feel jealous of your own damn child. An absolutely asinine thing to think, let alone feel.

It’s why when Joe jogs down the steps after getting her down for her nap, you grab him by his shirt and yank him into the office. 

He’s understandably confused. “Y/N, what the hell?”

You bring your finger to his mouth, silencing him. “Not so loud. You’ll wake her up.”

“And?”

Lord, Jesus. This may be harder than you thought. “And she needs her sleep, and we need time to talk.”

That seems to help him reason a bit better. “Okay.”

Pouting, you take him by surprise, shuffling into his chest as his arms naturally move around you. “I miss you.”

He chuckles, kissing the top of your head. “I’ve been here, baby.”

“You know what I mean.” Pulling back, he brushes his thumb across your bottom lip. “I miss spending time with you. Just the two of us.” Realizing how that could sound, you quickly clarify. “Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing you spend so much time with Callie, and obviously, she loves it too. But your lil’ bodyguard doesn’t seem to want mama to have any time alone with daddy.” 

And it’s the truth. It fills your heart with so much joy to see the beautiful bond and relationship they’ve developed in not even a year. They’re inseparable. 

But that doesn’t negate the fact that you miss spending time with him too.

“And we haven’t had sex since in over a week. A week, Joe. I can’t go that long without your dick. You know this.” He smiles, big hand laying on your baby bump. Like this shit is funny. Like it’s amusing that you’re going through dickdrawl. “That’s not funny, you asshole. If I have to make myself come one more time instead of you, I might just lose my shit.”

“I get it,” he finally shares, hand moving along the small of your back. “I miss you too. Miss my pussy…”

His voice drawls into something teasing, and it makes your pussy flutter. See, just his voice alone has you feening. Groaning, you mutter, while trying to settle yourself, “and it doesn’t help that she’s been sleeping with us.”

Calista is only four-years-old, so it’s natural for her to want to sleep with you and Joe. And you don’t mind that, don’t mind giving her that comfort. It’s just that it’s been every night since you returned from Disney. Not only that, when Joe gets up, she likes to get up. Even to the point where he'll just be working out in the gym, and she still wants to be around him, sitting on the floor talking to him or just playing on her tablet.

She’s even fallen asleep one time in the gym, with him having to stop his workout to bring her to her bed that she woke up from and managed to scamper her cute self right back into bed with you.

It’s just been…..a lot in some ways.

He nods, suddenly suggesting, “maybe we can try talking to her.”

“And what are we supposed to tell her, huh?” You’re legitimately all ears for any recommendations on how to word it. “Callie Bear, you’re spending too much time with your daddy.” Even saying it in a mocking tone feels wrong, giving you a sort of itch. “I’m not trying to have our child in therapy because of shit we caused her.”

“And you say I’m dramatic.” He rolls his eyes, emphasizing his point. “She’s a smart kid. I think if we just talk with her about how we have to share time with each other—”

“Ha. Share. That’s funny. That girl don’t wanna share you with air, let alone another human being.” It’s a partial joke, partial truth. A frown suddenly falls on your face as you think this over more. “You think something’s going on with her?” 

If you didn’t have his attention before, you definitely have it now. “What do you mean?”

Shrugging, you do your best to explain what you don’t quite fully understand. “I don’t know. She’s always been super attached to you, but it’s been more intense lately. Like she’s holding on even tighter. Like—”

“Like she’s scared to let go,” he finishes for you, deep voice settling into something almost despondent. “You think she’s scared I’m gonna leave or something?”

It’s a bit of a stretch but also something you can’t entirely rule out. “Maybe.” With a new sort of determination, you advise. “You’re right. We do need to talk to her.” And for completely different reasons than when you first dragged him in for that conversation. You just want to make sure your baby girl is okay.

That’s the only thing that matters.

On the topic of Callie, you’re reminded of something. “Oh my god.” Gasping, you move away from him. “I didn’t get a chance to show you.”

Curious, he asks, “show me what?”

You reach for his hand, walking over to the desk that’s almost entirely done with being set up and open the first drawer. Grabbing the still unopened envelope, you reach it to him, a small smile on your face. “I wanted to let you open it.”

Joe is understandably confused until he flips the envelope over and sees the sender. His expression immediately softens. “Is this—”

Nodding, you share, “it came in the mail yesterday, but it just slipped my mind to tell you.” He doesn’t say anything, instead focused on opening the envelope as he carefully pulls out the certificate.

Callie’s new and updated birth certificate. 

Moving closer to him, you snuggle yourself into his chest as he uses one hand to open and read the document you two have been waiting on for nearly a month now. Everything has stayed the same except for one section, that one section bringing on all of the feels for him. For both of you. 

Father/Parent’s Name.

The section that was once blank now reads in printed, black, unerasable ink: Leati Joseph Anoa'i. 

You can just feel the immense love and happiness emanating off his big being. He doesn’t need a piece of paper to tell him that he’s Callie’s father. You know that. But this is the piece of paper that gives him all the legal rights as Callie’s father, the rights he should have had from the very beginning. 

Holding onto him just a little tighter, loving him a little harder, you murmur against his chest, “now it’s always as it should have been.”

—---------

“I’m thinking strippers. One on each side of the aisle. Shawty throwing ass to the left, and shawty shaking titties on the right.”

Any conversation with Alexis is bound to venture into the deepest parts of fuckery, but this has to be a new level. “You want me to have strippers at my wedding?”

She’s looking at you like she can’t understand what’s so crazy about her proposal. “Yeah, what’s wrong with that?”

Eyes widening, you lean over the counter that’s littered with countless bride magazines and her Macbook Air. “It’s my wedding, Lex.”

“And?” She shakes her head, stirring some of her chocolate pudding. “You love strippers.”

“I do, but that doesn’t mean I want them at my wedding.”

She’s rolling her eyes, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she murmurs, “if you wanted to have a boring ass white people type wedding, you should have just said that.”

You laugh. Wedding planning was always something you imagined doing with your closest friends, and while you’re thankful to have Alexis here as your support and interim wedding planner (because you’re still very much on the fence about that), her tendency to do the most is definitely obscuring her view of logic and what makes sense.”

“I don’t want a white people wedding, per se. I just don’t want anything too crazy.” That’s the best description you can give, because this is all so new to you. You naturally play with the stunning engagement ring on your finger. Part of that confusion is because you’re still a bit stuck on the fact that you’re actually engaged.

To the literal love of your life, at that.

A dream that’s become a reality.

It still feels a little too good to be true.

“Fair, I guess.” She doesn’t seem to agree that it’s fair but won’t push either. “Well, have you at least thought about where you want to get married?”

That, you actually have. Once upon a time, it was in your hometown. Now, you’d rather not get married at all if that was your only option. “I’m thinking here.”

“Florida?” You nod. “Wow. Okay, any particular reason why?”

Shrugging, you answer, grabbing a chunk of pineapple from your fruit bowl. “I don’t know. Joe’s family is already here. It’s easy for my mom to catch a flight out. And anyone else I’d like to attend would have to fly here too anyway. Plus, this place is really beautiful.”

The fact that life has only been up since moving here to be with Joe is a major plus too. But, that doesn’t necessarily feel like it needs to be outright stated.

“Got it.” She starts typing on her laptop, and you have no doubt she’s already created a Google Doc to track everything. It’s one of many things you love about Alexis. She may be crazy as hell, but when she’s on it, she’s on it. “Now, the biggest thing, maybe the most important thing, is gonna be the date.”

“Date?”

She nods, “yeah, like when you want to have the wedding.” 

Fuck. As silly as it may sound, you hadn’t even thought about that. Still so caught up in the high of actually being engaged to your soulmate. 

Alexis continues, “I’m guessing after the school arrives.”

You roll your eyes. “What did I tell you about calling them that?” 

“Okay, the brood.”

“Alexis!”

She throws her hands up. “Don’t get mad at me cause the freaks freaked too much and now ya’ll starting your own little tribe.”

A heavy sigh leaves your mouth as Alexis continues to go in on you over your multiples pregnancy. For the most part, you’ve really come to accept and be okay with it. There are times though where your mind gravitates toward the childbirth portion, and your vagina literally starts to ache at just the thought of that trauma. 

Shaking your head and pushing away those thoughts, you return to the conversation at hand. “That’s a good point. I don’t want to walk down the aisle big and pregnant.”

“Exactly.” She types some more. “When is Joe going back to work?” Another great question that you don’t have the answer for. “Oh my god, Y/N, girl, just what do you know?”

“He just said it was indefinite leave!” You throw out in defense of your lack of knowledge. “Definitely not before the babies get here, so after September?”

“And you know he’s not gonna leave you alone with three newborns to take care of, so I can see him staying off air for at least a couple more months.”

That makes sense. “But, he’ll have to be back in time for WrestleMania, I’d imagine.”

“Most definitely. Didn’t you see that one promo he did? Roman Reigns is WrestleMania.” A smile falls on your face. You most definitely did see that promo. It’s one of your favorites that he’s cut. “But the next one isn’t until April, I think.”

“So maybe January?” The smile shifts into a scowl. “He can’t be gone that long though. The fans would lose it.” Thinking back to the Smackdown clips you saw on social media, you point out, “they’re already chanting ‘we want Roman.’”

It’s a bit bittersweet seeing Smakdown clips without Roman, seeing someone else hold his championship belt. But then you think about what that sacrifice gave you, what Joe giving up his title has awarded you, and it takes away some of the sting of it all.

You also feel a bit better knowing Joe is still playing an active role in the Bloodline, just behind the scenes. 

She sucks her teeth. “Ain’t that about a bitch? They fake asses acting like they weren’t the main ones wanting Cody to finish the story.” Alexis' borderline anger makes you laugh a little. “Oooh, Joe nice, cause the way I would give them the middle finger, retire, and live out my life with my fine ass wife and 12 children.”

Your eyes widen. “Don’t even put that out there, please.” You've definitely learned now about the power of the tongue. “If I was carrying any more than three children, I might just die.”

“Naw. Childbirth would do that for you.”

“Alexis!”

“Shit, sorry, too dark?” Lord, this girl really has no filter sometimes. “Do you guys want more kids after this? Like, forreal?”

Alexis, despite all of her shenanigans, seems to be on point with the questions. “I don’t know—”

“You don’t know?” That seems to be the answer that actually has her floored the most out of anything else ya’ll have discussed this afternoon thus far. “Bitch, this man put three children in you. Three. You really trying to risk that happening again?”

“Of course not. I just—I don’t know. I don’t think I can really answer that right now. Maybe once we learn the sexes, cause what if they’re all girls?” The likelihood of that happening has to be slim to none, but just like multiples of this quantity can be an anomaly, so can all of one sex. “I want to give him a son.”

Truthfully, you’re praying hard that at least one of them is a boy. You know Joe will love the kids the same. Fully and without inhibition, regardless of sex. But, not only do you want to have a little boy for your own reasons, but being able to continue on Joe’s lineage, maybe even passing down his name to your son would mean even more.

Of course, Alexis is quick with the dumbass suggestion. “Make one of them a tomboy.”

You close your eyes, forcefully stabbing the next chunk of pineapple. “Alexis, I swear to God.”

She leans back in her seat, adjusting her top. “All I know is if you think I’m babysitting four kids, you are sadly mistaken. I’ll take care of my little Cal Gal, but these other newbies are gonna have to prove themselves.”

“Newbies? They’re gonna be literal babies, Lex.”

“And? My beef is rated E for everyone, newborn babies included.”

Lord, this woman is giving you a headache. “I guess there’s a lot I still need to discuss with Joe first before we actually get into planning.”

“Agreed.” It’s a conversation you’re almost not looking forward to simply for the mere fact you don’t want to start thinking too much about Joe’s leave ending. Just wanna enjoy the here and now. But, you know it’s something that needs to be done. “Make sure to ask him about the strippers too.”

“Alexis!”

—-------

As he has almost every day since the start of his vacation, Joe handles dinner for you and Callie. Well, mostly you, since little Ms. ma’am insists upon helping Joe cook, and he insists upon you resting when you make the mistake of telling him you’re experiencing heartburn. It’s a common symptom given you’re about two weeks away from hitting four months and something you experienced when you were pregnant with Callie.

However, he takes all necessary, or maybe, unnecessary precautions, having you sit and rest in the living room, watching some random station while he works in unison with your firstborn to prepare dinner. 

He makes grilled fish with a side of rice and broccoli for the vegetable. It makes you laugh every time he encourages and tries to convince Callie that she needs to eat her veggies or else she’ll never grow. Sis looks like she doesn’t entirely believe him but takes the plunge anyhow. Plus, better him than you trying to convince her.

You’ll let him take that battle gladly.

And while he cleans up the kitchen, handles putting all the leftover food away, you tackle Callie’s nighttime routine, specifically her bubble bath, hygiene, and hair. Her bath takes a little longer than usual, somewhat because of your bump, but mostly because with her new disney princess themed bedroom came an attached disney princess themed bathroom. This includes a shit ton of bubble bath additives that any kid would love, many of which she suckered her daddy into buying during your Disney trip.

You don’t even want to know how much that man spent on Callie in that one week timespan. It seemed like everything she saw she wanted, and he wasted no time in pulling out his black card, buying it for her.

You can only pray she remains sweet and humble with a daddy like Joe who’s seemingly hellbent on spoiling her rotten. 

Getting her in her pajamas and securing her bonnet over her head after putting her curls into a pineapple is the easy part, and she’s nearly bursting at the seams to get out the bathroom door for a reason you already know and don’t need to ask. 

Cause as soon as you’re done, she’s like a speeding bullet, rushing out her bathroom and room, straight into yours.

“Daddy?”

By the time you get everything back and put away, she’s found her target. Joe is sitting on your bed, Callie tucked into his side with her chosen bedtime book in hand. She surprises you though when she looks up and smiles brightly. “You can come too, mommy.”

This has to be your first invite in at least a week, and it makes you genuinely smile as well. 

“Thank you, baby.” There’s not an ounce of hesitation as you move over to the other side of the bed, climbing in with them. A brief shared look with Joe gives you the signal you need to jumpstart the conversation you’ve been thinking about all day. “Callie, daddy and I actually wanna talk to you about something.”

Instantly, she’s frowning, pouting almost as she snuggles closer into Joe’s chest. “I don’t want to talk.”

This makes you frown, as Joe also looks taken back by her response. He rubs gentle circles along her back. “Callie Bear, what’s going on with you?”

You pick up on her hesitant reply the same way you’re sure Joe does. “Nothing.”

Placing a comforting hand on her arm, you softly point out some of the things that have led to this conversation. “Calista, I’ve noticed you’ve been spending a lot of time with daddy. And you sometimes don’t even want me to spend time with ya’ll.” Licking your lips, you do your best to keep your voice as calm and soothing as possible. “Are you…are you maybe scared about something?”

And it’s when she looks at you for a second, that fear flashing in her eyes, you know that’s what it is. Something has her nervous.

Hating that something is bothering her and especially that she’s keeping it in, you whisper, “Please tell us, baby.”

And it’s Joe holding her a little tighter along with your gentle coaxing that seems to do it, seems to break down that wall that hides her truth. She sniffles, “I don’t want daddy to leave again.”

“Calista…” You hate seeing her so sad, but you especially hate seeing and hearing the pain in Joe’s face and voice at the fact that he’s indirectly the reason for her sadness. “Baby girl, I’m not going anywhere right now, remember? I’m staying here with you and mommy.” 

You’re thankful he doesn’t really highlight the fact that he will eventually have to go back to work. Callie isn’t stupid. She knows this, but it’s not what she needs to hear right now.

And your chest tightens as she sadly points out to Joe a trauma you still haven’t had the space to fully process. “But those people took me from mommy, and I couldn’t see her.” Eyes glossing over, it breaks your heart to hear that she still thinks about that. That being separated from you the way she was is still impacting her. “What if they take me and I can’t see you or mommy?” She adds on in a way that twists the dagger in your chest, “or they make you leave me like they made mommy leave me?”

At that, he pulls her onto his lap, carefully lifting her chin to make her look at him. “Calista, listen to me, sweetheart. No one could ever take you away from me or your mom. Ever.” He speaks with such conviction and determination. He needs her to believe what she’s saying. You both do. “You’re our little girl.”

“He’s right. I know…I know that scared you, but your daddy and I aren’t going anywhere. We promise.” Reaching over to cup her face, you ask in a way that’s more telling than questioning. “That’s why you’ve been wanting to sleep with us.”

She nods, quietly explaining. “I don’t want you to be gone when I wake up.”

“Oh, baby.” you reach for her and she climbs over to you, hugging you tight, head against your chest. “Daddy and I are gonna be here for you, always, okay? No matter what.” Chuckling a bit, you wipe the tears from her eyes. “Even when you’re all grown up and don’t need us anymore.”

She looks between ya’ll, almost wide eyed. “Noooo.” She reaches for Joe who moves closer to the two of you. “You’re my mommy and daddy. I’ll always need my mommy and daddy.”

Her innocence warms your heart. You love this little girl so much. More than words.

“We love you, Callie.” Joe kisses her forehead as she holds onto his arm. 

“I love you guys too.” Her voice is less laid down with that big weight she was carrying around, and it makes you happy to know she feels a bit better, a bit more secure. “Can–can I still sleep with you guys tonight?”

“Of course, baby.” The answer is easy. Knowing now why she’s wanted to stay so close, it would feel almost cruel to deprive her of that comfort. “Of course you can.”

—-------

Megan Lowery is having a shit day.

Beyond a shit day, really.

The first issue being that her stupid alarm didn’t go off. A classic nuisance that almost everyone has experienced at one point or another. 

Except for her.

She’s never had her good old faithful iPhone alarm not get her up in time to tackle the day, until this morning, which has since only gravitated from bad to worse.

Because of course her coffee machine decided to act up. Any other time, she’d have zero issue brewing her morning cup of Joe, but not this morning. No, this morning she was forced to forgo her addiction of almost twenty years nor did she have the time to stop and buy a cup due to already running late because of her dumbass alarm glitching.

And the shitty day couldn’t be completed without some asshole bumping into her and spilling their deliciously smelling coffee all over her Free People blouse.

Put plain and simple, it’s a bad day, and she’s already over it before it even hits 1pm.

It’s why she sits in her meeting, doodling on her legal pad instead of listening to what probably could have been an email.

“Lowery!”

Megan jumps in her seat, eyes scanning the room of coworkers who sit watching her carefully. She clears her throat. “Sir?”

Luke, her boss, crosses his arms. “Am I boring you?”

Yes. “No sir, of course not.”

“I think I am.” Megan has never liked Luke. A product of nepotism, his father created the casting company she works for back in the eighties where he grew it to the major success it is today, only to pass it down to his son a few years ago after ailing health. And while Luke isn’t a bad CEO, per se, he’s not the funny, down to earth type like his old man.

No. The man is a Grade A asshole sometimes.

And this seems to be one of those times.

“Then what was I discussing?”

Fuck. Megan has always hated looking stupid, and she’s usually pretty good at both paying and not paying attention. But without her coffee, it’s damn near impossible to achieve that feat.

“Actually, sir, Megan was just whispering some ideas to me for how we can get Reigns to sign on.”

Megan shoots a vicious look to her work bestie, Paige. She smiles, her perfectly white teeth a stark contrast to her tanned, freckled complexion. “She’s got some great ideas too.”

Luke is smirking, and she knows that he knows Paige is blowing air up his ass. That doesn’t stop him from having his fun though. “Perfect, then I suppose you won’t have any issues taking on the assignment.”

Megan swallows. She doesn’t even know what this assignment is. But the thought of letting her asshole boss get one over on her literally makes her nauseous. With a steel smile, she accepts, “Of course not.” 

“Perfect.” He smirks. She has to stop herself from rolling her eyes. Smug bastard. “I’ll forward you the file and contact information for his reps.” Luke looks around at the rest of the employees. “Meeting is over.”

As everyone empties out, Luke being the first, Megan waits impatiently for everyone to depart before turning to Paige and punching her on her arm.

“Ow!”

“What the hell?” She hates being put in situations where she has no idea what’s going on, and this just so happens to be one of them. “What did you just get me into?”

“You could just say thank you for saving my ass, you wonderful goddess.” Paige adjusts her glasses and opens her laptop, typing away before sharing her screen with Megan. “This is what you’re getting into.”

Megan is still annoyed as her eyes land on the screen, but that irritation easily drifts away when she sees who is on the screen. “Holy shit, that’s Roman Reigns.”

“Duh.” Paige says with all the sass, explaining. “Universal wants him for an upcoming film they’re doing, but WWE just announced he’s taking an indefinite hiatus, so it might be a hard sell.” 

Paige, of course, selected a photo of the former champ in the ring, shirtless, hair down. Looking literally like the Gods put all of their talent into one pot and poured out him. Megan then asks, “why is he on hiatus?”

“That’s the sad part.” Paige does some typing and pulls up an article. She points to the several headlines that all say the same thing just in different ways. 

He’s engaged. 

“I swear, all the good ones are taken.” Paige pouts. “There was actually some drama he was in a couple weeks ago but it’s all died down now, I think. I’ll have to send you the tea. Nevertheless, he’s engaged and expecting another child with his now fiancé.”

Megan clicks on one of the articles that show Roman and who she’d guess is the fiancé. A frown falls on her face. “Seriously? Her? He could have done way better.” Exceptionally. Megan could never see someone like him, body sculpted by Zeus himself, with someone like her who looks like she’s never even seen the inside of a gym.

“Regardless, that’s his lady, and they already have one kid together, so he’s really off-limits.” Paige shrugs, closing her laptop. “Thankfully, all you need to do is get him to agree to do this film.” She snorts. “Baby on the way, planning a wedding, how hard can that be?”

Megan rolls her eyes and flips off Paige who laughs while standing up. “Wanna go get lunch? My treat.”

Shaking her head, Megan politely declines. “No thanks. I’ve got a few emails I’ve gotta get caught up on. Raincheck?”

“You bet.” Paige winks and walks out, closing the door behind her to leave Megan alone with her many thoughts.

Paige is right. It’s going to be a challenge to get Roman to sign onto this film when he has so much going on in his personal life. Some might even see it as DOA. Megan, however, has always been intrigued by challenges. She’s never encountered a situation where she didn’t get what she wanted. Where she didn’t get who she wanted.

On a film.

Of course.

Pulling out her phone, she googles his name, scowling when one of the first photos is of him and the fiancé and their kid, she’d guess. She easily pinches on said photo, eliminating them and filling her screen with only him.

Head tilted, twirling a piece of her hair, she says to no one in particular. “You and I are about to be very good friends, Mr. Reigns….”

[markrosewater]

Hey Mark, I just wanted to say you've always seemed like a really cool guy. I've played magic for over 4/5ths of my life, since the early 2000s when I was only five years old, I even met most of my long time friends through it. But I think I finally feel alienated enough by it to drop it entirely.

I always enjoyed every aspect of this game, from the deckbuilding, to the flavor, to the color pie and the possibilities it presented. I loved the fantasy of it, of planeswalkers and wizards, dragons and castles.

Universes Beyond really was the end of it, all the way back then. When i heard the announcements I was terrified, I knew where it would lead even then. I loved the world of Magic, and it feels silly to say about a card game but I truly felt immersed in the world when I played, even with the different planes, everything cohered to an internal set of rules that seemed unbreakable.

For a while I continued, our local scene created a variant format that banned Universes Beyond cards so I was able to ignore them, but then came Neon Dynasty. It felt strange to me, like it was breaking what I had come to expect out of the game. Most people disagreed, said it was still Magic enough, but I wondered just how far it would be pushed before Magic lost any identity of its own, anything that separated it from Fortnite or any other crossover soup known entirely for the things it borrows rather than the things it is.

When I saw the first spoilers for Duskmourn, I think that was the straw that broke the camel's back. When I play at the table with my friends, I enjoy the fact that all the cards feel like part of one larger universe. And when I see cards with televisions and smartphones in them, with modern clothing and internet references, I just can't fit them together in my mind. It seems like a cool world, much like a lot of the crossovers are cool worlds, but I play Magic for well... Magic. If I wanted to play Fallout or Warhammer 40k, or watch Insidious or Walking Dead, then I would. But when I play Magic, I want to see magic.

And it's canon, just as canon as Innistrad or Alara. We can't excise it like we can Universes Beyond, and if we can't, then what's even the point of trying to "protect the tone" with those bans? What tone are we protecting, that's already been shattered from within?

More and more it feels like the game just isn't for me, doesn't want the kind of player that feels strongly about cohesion and immersion. And that's fine, it doesn't have to cater to me, and the current approach seems to bring in more people than it drives away. But it still just makes me sad, on a deep personal level, to give up on what has been such a major part of my life.

In all likelihood, I'm an outlier, and you could easily say that Magic getting even broader in what it covers is only a positive thing. Take my critiques only as the lamentations of a single person. But when you can put anything in a piece of media, when there's no unifying idea of what is and isn't possible, then it just starts to feel meaningless.

I'm sorry, I know you'll probably never read this, I mostly just needed to get it off my chest- and you're the closest thing to a human face Magic the Gathering has. Thank you for all the work you've put into it over the years, and I'm sorry that I can't enjoy it anymore.

Thanks for writing. From a big picture, Magic excels at creating variety and does poorly at consistency. The core idea of a trading card game is we make lots and lots of pieces you can play with and then you, the player, customize your game as you see fit. History has shown us, the wider we spread the potential of what Magic can be, the more people find something they enjoy and are attracted to the game.

Think of it this way. Each player has a different sense of what Magic is to them. There's no cutoff point where we make the majority of players happy. In fact, for many players, it's the ever-expanding quality to the game that they enjoy most.

This does mean though that we might make choices that don't connect with what you personally enjoy, and I respect that. If Magic isn't providing what you want out of it, that's okay. My only recommendation is don't get rid of your cards. Many Magic players rotate in and out of the game, and the number one complaint I hear from players who rotate back in is them having gotten rid of everything when they rotated out.

Magic might not be what you need right now, but maybe a few years from now you've changed in ways which makes it something you will enjoy. Or maybe Magic will evolve in a way that speaks to you. The only constant I know is you and Magic will both change. Just leave yourself the possibility of reconnecting.

Thanks for playing all these years, and I hope to see you again.

[ecto-hazard]

im surprised there's people who think that cobs is lying about mephone making the contestants. like nah they were hinting at this all over the place. this is absolutely what happened here. just cause cobs is supposed to be some evil mastermind doesnt mean that its not true?

if anything, narratively speaking, i feel like itd be more disappointing if it was a lie. the main theme of this show that's being developed is becoming your own person in spite of what you were designed to be. mephone is more than one of cob's devices. bot is more than a copy of bow.

taco was right in that playing this game is taking a toll on their lives, but their doing it anyway. it seems like many characters haven't found happiness till they found purpose beyond the game. we see that in marshmallow and apple moving to purgatory mansion. we see that with lightbulb realizing she doesn't have to win for her friends. oj running the hotel, fan and test tube creating bot, etc. it seems like the characters who tried to stay in the game were doing it just because, well, what else is there for them? and when they found what else they could do, the game didn't matter as much anymore.

fan's probably one of the biggest examples of this in action, especially with the scene with the prime shimmer that's been pointed out numerous times now. he didn't even know who he was. he felt like he was nobody outside the show. and seeing the show break down from its normal pattern broke him, cause he had to face the reality of finding something outside of the show. he had to leave his shell and find out what else is out there. that's really scary when you realize this pattern was all you ever had

idk just some thoughts. like if the show turned around and was like nope it was all a lie lol, it just wouldn't make sense to me. i think this is the chance for them to become their own people, and that would bring the theme of this show full circle

[youremyheaven]

The Curse of Limitless Expansion: Jupiter's Shadow

I have covered the "negative" manifestations or the shadow side (as I prefer to call it) of different planetary influences, such as Venus, Moon, Rahu & Ketu and whilst I have explored Jupiter's different manifestations before, I thought it is time to do a more in-depth analysis of Jupiter's shadow.

Being the largest planet in our solar system, Jupiter is expansive and its natives are internally spacious and vast. I had observed previously that Jupiter is similar to Rahu in terms of its spaciousness (Claire had also observed the similarities between Punarvasu & Swati) but the difference is that Rahu is truly limitless in its expansive ability as it quite literally does not have physical form (Rahu refers to the north node of the Moon) Jupiter may be vast but it does have limits, it's bound by its massive capacity but since it does have a physical form, that means it also has limitations, it has a tipping point. This is why Jupiterean natives suffer or have the ability to realize they have "gone too far". Rahuvians have a "point of no return" mentality, they think they've gone too far but have to keep going since it no longer makes sense to return now.

Some people believe that since Jupiter is the planet of luck, abundance, growth and healing (or generally perceived as a "positive" planet) it somehow does not have a "dark side". This is untrue. Jupiter's darkness is just as terrifying as that of any other planet. The bigger the planet, the bigger the shadow.

Jupiter's shadow manifests as a god complex, messiah complex and megalomania, most commonly seen in men.

Men and women channel their nakshatras and planetary influence differently. Men tend to externalise their problems and women tend to internalise theirs. Men tend to inflict destruction upon others and women tend to self-destruct (@lasirenesensible tysm for pointing this out to me, it's a very valuable insight).

The scope of this post includes a few women but I'll discuss how Jupiter's shadow manifests in women on a separate post in the future.

It shouldn't come as a surprise that a planet known as the "Guru" or teacher is prone to making a lot of people under its influence proclaim themselves as Messiahs or divine teachers, many famous pseudo-spiritual "gurus" have Jupiter ruled naks in their big 3. They are merely charlatans with a Messiah complex driven by their ego to expand beyond reach. This is a toxic trait of Jupiter natives.

Ryuho Okawa- Punarvasu Sun, Purvabhadrapada Mars atmakaraka

He was a Japanese religious and political leader who was the CEO and founder of the Happy Science and the Happiness Realization Party. His organization has been widely criticised as a cult. Adherents of the religion worship Okawa, who claimed to be the current incarnation of a god called “El Cantare" and a number of other beings, including Hermes and Gautama Buddha.

L Ron Hubbard, Purvabhadrapada Sun conjunct Mercury and Jupiter conjunct Ketu in Vishaka (he also had Magha Moon)

He is the founder of Scientology lmao and basically co-opted a lot of eastern oriental thought mixed it with his malignant narcissism and created a religion based on spiritual hogwash. One of its most famous recruits is Tom Cruise, Punarvasu Moon

Jim Jones- Punarvasu Sun & Mercury (he was also Shatabhisha Moon)

He is known for being the (cult) leader of the Peoples Temple religious group and for the Jonestown Massacre, when he led the mass murder-suicide of more than 900 members of the group at their commune in Jonestown, Guyana, on November 18, 1978.

fun fact: Suga from BTS (Purvabhadrapada Sun conjunct Mercury) sampled a bit from a sermon given by Jim Jones for the track "what do you think" from his mixtape D-2, he removed it following the controversy

"… though you are dead, yet you shall live, and he that liveth and believeth shall never die."— Jim Jones

I feel like it is way too specific and niche for him to not have intended to put it there or have known who Jim Jones was lol but I digress

But on that note, this whole self-belief thing (as we see from Jim Jones' quote) also seems to be tied to Jupiter's nature. These natives have insane self belief.

Will Smith, Vishaka Moon is kind of an early proponent of manifestation. He's been talking about it since the early 90s.

Jim Carrey, Vishaka Rising is another celebrity who has been talking about manifestation since the 90s.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Punarvasu Rising (and stellium)

He has talked about the power of the mind and visualisation A LOT. The key to achieving anything in life is to believe you can do it but many experiences (including trauma, self doubt etc) makes it hard for many people to persist in their belief, they hold themselves back. Jupiter's strength lies in its ability to be so vast and bold in its belief, their spaciousness means no matter what they've been through, they just know there's a way through, that they will make it out. This is their inherent nature.

Nikola Tesla, Punarvasu Sun developed the 3 6 9 method of manifestation (as @brundlefly3333 pointed out)

Kanye West, Purvabhadrapada Moon is another celebrity who has spoken about the Law, the power of self-belief etc etc a LOT.

It goes to show how easy it is for self-belief to turn into delusions of grandeur and make someone a narcissist. It is truly dangerous because Jupiter's influence on the masses is immense so whatever a Jupiter native may proclaim, they have the ability to affect many people through it. Some of the men I mentioned above convinced others that they were God and even made them kill themselves for it. This is a scary, dangerous manifestation of Jupiter's "guru" nature wielding vast influence on others and being absolutely convinced of one's righteousness

anywayssss

Mussolini- Vishaka Rising, Jupiter in Punarvasu amatyakaraka (he was also a Rohini Moon and Pushya Sun👀)

Benito Mussolini is like the OG dictator. He created fascism, a movement that would plunge most of Europe into darkness. From undermining judges to indoctrinating children, he pioneered key tactics that other dictators would use to seize power.

I specify Nodal influence in these individuals because I think the limitlessness and expansiveness of Nodal influence wrecks havoc to the already expansive nature of Jupiter and makes these natives more reckless.

I also specify Moon influence because as I already discussed in my posts, Moon influence can easily morph into cruelty and corruption and I think Moon & Jupiter together can be a dangerous combo if the native is imbalanced.

If you take anything away from these posts it would be that literally anybody with any placement/nak/planet is capable of being truly evil. There is no specific nak/planet that is a "guarantee" against evil. It truly comes down to the individual to choose how they want to live (I believe in free will and I do not condone in using astrology in a fatalistic way at all).

Ferdinand Marcos- Punarvasu Moon (he also has Ardra ascendant conjunct Ketu and a lot of Moon influence)

Ferdinand Marcos developed a cult of personality as a way of remaining President of the Philippines for 20 years, in a way that political scientists have compared to other authoritarian and totalitarian leaders such as Joseph Stalin and Adolf Hitler, but also to more contemporary dictators such as Suharto in Indonesia, Saddam Hussein in Iraq, and the Kim dynasty of North Korea.

The propaganda techniques used, either by himself or by others, to mythologize Ferdinand Marcos, began with local political machinations in Ilocos Norte while Ferdinand was still the young son of politician and Japanese collaborator Mariano Marcos, and persist today in the efforts to revise the way Marcos is portrayed in Philippine history. According to members of his administration, such as Adrian Cristobal, Marcos's intent was to project an image of himself "the only patron, the king" of Philippine society, which he still saw as a society of tribes." Cristobal furthers that "Marcos and the First Lady wanted more than anything else [...] to be king and queen. They wished to shape the kingdom in their own image; [...] Marcos wanted to be able to say, 'L'État, c'est moi.'" ("the state, that is me") In some extreme cases where Marcos encouraged the formation of cults so that they could serve as a political weapon, Marcos came to be thought of as a God.

Sun Myung Moon- Mercury conjunct Rising in Purvabhadrapada (he also has Shatabhisha Sun)

He was the founder and leader of the Unification Church established in Seoul, South Korea, who considered himself the Second Coming of Christ, but not Jesus himself. It is generally believed by Unification Church members ("Moonies") that he was the Messiah and the Second Coming of Christ and was anointed to fulfil Jesus' unfinished mission.

The thing about all these men claiming to be God/Messiahs is that there were people who believed them and followed them blindly and uncritically. Anybody can claim these things but not everybody can acquire power and influence and lead people this way. This is another aspect of Jupiter (not to repeat myself again and again but yeah it's the whole "Guru" thing, people look at you as a figure of knowledge and wisdom, and these people project natural leadership qualities).

You can't just be crazy or narcissistic enough to believe these things, you also have to be strategic enough to amass a following. To be a leader and a guru requires a certain commitment and discipline. These are all Jupiterean qualities (that are used for malicious purposes here).

Augusto Pinochet- Punarvasu Moon conjunct Saturn, Mercury in Vishaka atmakaraka, Jupiter in Purva bhadrapada amatyakaraka

He was a dictator who ruled Chile and claimed he was a visionary who was "guided by the mysterious hand of God". He had a cult of personality surrounding him

After his rise to power, Pinochet persecuted leftists, socialists, and political critics, resulting in the executions of 1,200 to 3,200 people, the internment of as many as 80,000 people, and the torture of tens of thousands. According to the Chilean government, the number of executions and forced disappearances was at least 3,095. Operation Condor, a U.S.-supported terror operation focusing on South America, was founded at the behest of the Pinochet regime in late November 1975, his 60th birthday.

Jupiter's expansive nature manifests as greed when an individual is imbalanced or spiritually stunted. This drives a need to acquire massive wealth or spread their influence/reign/territories. If the individual is spiritually evolved, their focus will be to balance the spaciousness within and not project it outward in continuous expansion.

Hafez el Assad- Mars in Punarvasu atmakaraka, Jupiter in Punarvasu amatyakaraka and Venus in Vishaka (he also had Hasta Sun)

Syria's Hafez al-Assad, a Ba'athist officer who seized power through a coup d'état in 1970, established a pervasive cult of personality to maintain his dictatorship. As soon as he took over power, Ba'ath party loyalists designated him as "Al-Abad"; an Arabic terminology with deep religious dimensions. Linguistically, ''Al-Abad'' means "forever, infinite and immortality" and religious clerics use this term in relation to Divine Attributes. By designating Assad as "Al-Abad", Syrian Ba'ath Movement ideologically elevated Hafez al-Assad as its "Immortal", "god-like figure" who is supposed to represent the state as well as the Syrian nation itself. Another meaning of Al-Abad is "permanent", which is used in state propaganda to denote the perpetual status quo of an "eternal political order" created by Hafez al-Assad, who continues to live in Assadist ideology. The term's verbal form "Abada" means "to commit genocide" including the "symbolical; performative side of violence". This dimension has been weaponized by the Assad regime to monopolize violence against alleged dissidents and justify state terrorism, including genocidal acts of mass murder like the Hama Massacre, Qamishli Massacre and other massacres of the Syrian civil war.

Jayalalithaa- Punarvasu Rising (Shatabhisha Sun & Magha Moon)

She was the Chief Minister of the state of Tamil Nadu in India and was an actor turned politician who had a cult following (they called her "Amma" or "mother" which I think is interesting that she was this mother figure/matriarch because of Punarvasu's deity Aditi being the Cosmic mother). She was a corrupt politician but the masses largely overlooked this and she was known for being a bit of a tyrannical figure who expected absolute loyalty from her party members who often publicly prostrated before her (not kidding).

Not as brutal as some of the other people on this list but her personality cult and influence over her following is crazyyy (I'm Indian so I'd know) and when she died in 2016, her state observed a 7 day mourning period.

Mata Amritanandamayi Devi- Vishaka Rising (she also has Hasta Sun👀)

She's an Indian spiritual guru known as the "hugging saint", she's still alive and has millions of followers and there hasn't yet been a proper expose but her cult has been controversial for ages especially after it started recruiting spiritually confused white people into its mix. A lot of it is unexplained, she's most definitely a millionaire at this point and we have no idea what actually goes on behind closed doors. Many of the alleged miracles that she has performed have been debunked on many occasions. To think that she has football stadiums full of people who worship her and think she's the divine incarnate is sooo crazy

Ram Dass- Punarvasu Rising

He helped popularize yoga and Eastern spirituality in the West. I don't think he's cruel or shady, just a regular white guy who had a spiritual awakening in India and co-opted thousands of years of Vedic wisdom and teachings to "introduce" it to the West. But his influence is unmatched to say the least, he spearheaded a whole movement and made eastern spirituality mainstream in the west. This is a manifestation of Jupiter's boundless nature.

Oppenheimer- Punarvasu Moon

the man who developed the first ever nuclear weapons was a Punarvasu lol

he truly believed that he was doing the "right thing" because (you already know all this if you watched the movie) Germany was bound to develop these weapons and cause mass destruction and Oppenheimer thought he was on the right side of history by making these weapons for America and by extension for the Allies

"After Germany's surrender in 1945, some scientists questioned the bomb's relevance. Oppenheimer believed it would end the ongoing Pacific War and save Allied lives. The Trinity test is successful, and President Harry S. Truman orders the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, resulting in Japan's surrender. Though publicly praised, Oppenheimer is guilt-ridden and haunted by the destruction and mass fatalities. After Oppenheimer expresses his guilt to Truman, the president berates him and dismisses his plea to cease further atomic development." (this is an excerpt from the movie's wiki lol)

it just goes to show how self-belief isn't a good thing on its own because you can make yourself believe anything. I guess Oppenheimer's guilt has to count for something ??? Idk how many people mentioned on this list felt guilt because of the destruction they caused, Oppenheimer had a conscience et.al

Elon Musk, Punarvasu Rising

He is the richest man in the world and is on a quest to own everything he can and colonize Mars, need I say more? Idk if this is a strange manifestation of Punarvasu's deity Aditi being the Cosmic Mother (either that or the man has a breeding kink) but this guy procreates at the speed of light (he has 6 kids right now with 3 different women I believe)

Tommy Mottola- Punarvasu Sun (Swati Moon)

the asshole who trapped Mariah Carey (Punarvasu Moon) in a hellish controlling marriage for 8 years. He was the CEO of Sony Music in the 90s and was known for being a megalomaniac (look up his feud with Michael Jackson) he has ruined the careers of many and is known in the music industry for being a really scary controlling maniac

Anders Behring Breivik- Punarvasu Rising

He blew up a bomb in the centre of Oslo. Meanwhile went to an island where a political youth gathering was taking place. Dressed up as a cop he would kill 69 people on the island of Utøya, and call out to teenagers hiding saying it was safe to come out, those who believed him and came out were shot.

Alfred Hitchcock- Vishaka Moon (also Shatabhisha Rising with a lot of Moon influence in his chart)

He basically stalked some actresses and tried to control their lives; told them what they could/couldn’t eat, and where they could/couldn’t go. He sent Tippi Hedren inappropriate Valentine's letters. She claims he threw himself atop her in a hotel room and kissed her — and in her biography accused him of sexual assault. Yet another Jupiterean megalomaniac.

Al Capone- Purvabhadrapada Rising

 He joined the Five Points Gang as a teenager and became a bouncer in organized crime premises such as brothels. In his early twenties, Capone moved to Chicago and became a bodyguard and trusted factotum for Johnny Torrio, head of a criminal syndicate that illegally supplied alcohol—the forerunner of the Outfit—and was politically protected through the Unione Siciliana. A conflict with the North Side Gang was instrumental in Capone's rise and fall. Torrio went into retirement after North Side gunmen almost killed him, handing control to Capone. Capone expanded the bootlegging business through increasingly violent means, but his mutually profitable relationships with Mayor William Hale Thompson and the Chicago Police Department meant he seemed safe from law enforcement.

Capone apparently revelled in attention, such as the cheers from spectators when he appeared at baseball games. He made donations to various charities and was viewed by many as a "modern-day Robin Hood". However, the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre, in which seven gang rivals were murdered in broad daylight, damaged the public image of Chicago and Capone, leading influential citizens to demand government action and newspapers to dub Capone "Public Enemy No. 1".

Robert DeNiro played Al Capone in The Untouchables (1987)

Idk whats the link between PBP and the mafia but Scorsese (PBP Moon) has made manyyy mafia themed movies and Robert DeNiro (PBP Moon) has starred as a mob boss on multiple occasions.

Having Jupiter influence really is like having unwielded power and if a native isn't mature enough to channel it appropriately then they can easily lose themselves to malignant narcissism, god complex and megalomania.

It requires a great deal of wisdom to wield this ability wisely and for the greater good

Jupiter influence is very prominent in the charts of royalty, another group prone to megalomania and god complexes lol. Jupiter bestows its natives with power, status and affluence but one must wield it carefully.

Punarvasu is widely accepted as the most auspicious of Jupiter-ruled naks (due to its themes and its deity) whereas Vishaka and Purvabhadrapada are both harsher manifestations of Jupiterean energy but even the most "gentle" of Jupiterean naks still came up in the charts of some of the horrible people I mention in this post. Basically, no one is exempt from being cruel, obviously, everything depends on the chart as a whole (a person is more than the sum of their parts) but that said the presence of a nakshatra considered "auspicious" (Jupiter ruled or otherwise) does not automatically qualify as some kind of redeeming quality lol. Everybody has to consciously choose their actions and be good and do good aka anybody can be cruel and evil and yes even Jupiter has its dark side/shadow.

hope this post was interesting xx

[yutasbellybuttonpiercing]

i’m so happy seeing you back here😭😭 and since request are now open, can i maybe request reader going home early just to find boyfriend! jeno and best friend!jaemin jerking of each other but thinking abt you (moaning your name)

Déjà Vu (무대로; 舞代路)

pairing: lee jeno x na jaemin (x reader? (she/her pronouns))

au/genre: smut, established relationship (between jeno and reader), best friend!jaemin, sub!jeno, dom!jaemin

word count: 1665 words

warnings: god where do it start? mxm content, highkey cheating, bro-talk, alcohol consumption and sexual activities under the influence, sexualization of reader (this is not really respecting women of nomin..), jealousy kink...?, hand jobs, pet names (literally. "puppy".), mentions of: blowjobs, anal, public sex, facials and just reader's body in general, dirty talk, degradation (of reader who is not present), getting caught, this is very unserious. let me know if i missed something.

a/n: you ask and you shall receive. i hope this is kind of what you were looking for? i assumed jaemin is jeno's best friend, i hope that's what you meant <3 um.. yeah. i hope you enjoy? i apologize for any mistakes, this was written in my notes app. also, i'm kind of proud of the title.

You're standing in the doorframe – flabbergasted. Just half an hour prior, you'd been thrilled beyond belief that your ass of a boss offered to let you go home early today (of course only because he knows you know that this way he can guilt-trip you to stay longer another time). On the way home, you kept smiling, sang along to the music blasting from the radio until you pulled into the driveway of Jeno's house. You'd texted your boyfriend earlier about your early release, not receiving a reply but also not expecting one. To be fair, Jeno is a great boyfriend, but once he starts gaming, his mind can't focus on anything else. Knowing his best friend Jaemin was visiting today, you were sure that's what they were doing: Gaming. Well, or so you thought until you saw the sight before you.

"Guys...?"

_______

"You need to control your woman, Jeno," Jaemin says, sipping at his beer that (at 2 in the afternoon) might not have been the ideal choice of drink considering the time, and the fact that it had already three antecedents with a similar alcoholic strength. Jaemin is by far not a lightweight, and he knows his tolerance and what happens when he drinks, so the inevitable was at least predicted: his mouth gets a little too loose for his own good.

"Care to elaborate?" Jeno furrows his brows purely in confusion, not at all in distress.

"The skirts," Jaemin elaborates, hands gesturing in the air without tenor, "too short."

"Ah," Jeno laughs, chest buzzing deeply as the sounds rumble up his throat, "yeah. Man, that's out of my reach. I can't tell her what to wear, you know? Feminism and stuff."

"Man," is all Jaemin can add. He knows this is kind of a weird thing for him to say. Don't get him wrong, he's not drunk enough for his moral compass to lay face-down passed-out somewhere in the corner of his brain, it's rather the mean alcohol taping its mouth shut with duct tape so all it can do is jump around and wave its arms, but not voice what exactly is wrong with this.

"Is it riling you up?" Jeno interrupts Jaemin's thoughts of trying to figure out what's going wrong right now. Immediately, a dirty grin pulls at the left corner of Jaemin's mouth, eyelids heavy as he gives his best friend a singular nod and a quick raise of his eyebrows to confirm the statement. Jeno mirrors the expression. "I get it, bro. I mean, as long as you respect that she's mine, there's no harm in looking, you get me?"

"Is there harm in... thinking, though?" Jaemin asks, chin tilting down to make him look up at Jeno questioningly before he adds a quick "Bro?"

"Well, no. What were you thinking?" Jeno asks from his place at the other end of the small couch, leaning forward to create a more intimate ambiance for Jaemin to spill his guts about the rearrangements he'd love to do concerning Jeno's girlfriend's guts. Should he be a little more worried about this? Maybe. Is the alcohol in his system calming the tiny jealous part he has in him? Not really. Is the alcohol in his system turning him on which results in him not giving a shit about the specific contents of his conversation as long as it contains sex? Absolutely!

"Look, man, respectfully," Jaemin says, placing his close-to-empty bottle on the table before leaning forward as well, "I'd not say no if things were different."

"Look at this guy," Jeno grins, and Jaemin breaks out an even wider one, "her short skirts, huh? That's what's setting you off? That's what's getting you hard?"

"What can I say," Jaemin shrugs, grin still evident on his features, horny-clouded brain ignoring the way Jeno keeps coming closer, the older's grin fading slowly but surely. Okay, maybe the jealous part is a little bigger than estimated. Jeno keeps coming closer, a finger acting with a mind of its own as it presses into Jaemin's (admittedly beefy) chest to push him back against the back rest.

"Hands off my girlfriend," Jeno almost growls. He's towering over Jaemin, the younger's smile not fading whatsoever, unfazed by the older's attempts to seem intimidating and dangerous.

"Do you remember that night after Chenle's party?" Jaemin has no clue why his mind brought this memory back up, possibly since it includes him and Jeno in a similar position.

"I do," Jeno gulps, eyes switching between Jaemin's.

"You're hot when you're mad, bro," Jaemin confesses before he can even start thinking about stopping himself. Also, he finds, there is no need for his blood to rush downwards only because he thinks about you in a skirt, assuming this is the sole reason for his tightening pants.

"I am?" Jeno's gaze flickers down to Jaemin's lips. His brain has yet to catch up with this rollercoaster of emotions, having gone from his general chill vibe Jeno to horny Jeno to jealous Jeno to am i about to fuck my best friend (again)? Jeno in a span of not many minutes (who's counting?).

"Yeah, and I'd give a nut to see you and her in bed together, both if I get to film it."

"I can't let that happen," Jeno says, opting for his voice to sound stern and sure, but it sounds more like he's about to cum in his pants untouched. Maybe he is.

"What are you gonna do about it, puppy? What if I fucked your girlfriend, huh? What would you do?" Jaemin has no idea where this is coming from, but it's coming from somewhere and it felt really urgent for him to get it out. Admittedly, he does not regret it one bit as judging by the way Jeno's brows knit together, eyes gloss over and lips start to trembe, he's just pushed the right buttons. Experimentally, Jaemin grinds his hips upwards, causing his confined cock to press against Jeno's who is not able to admit that he finds himself in a similarly aroused state. Instinctively, Jaemin's hands find Jeno's waist. The older gasps at the action, not really sure how to think with his brain when his balls tell him to let Jaemin do his thing, whatever that might include.

"This is still about her, right?" Jeno still manages to ask, breath shaking as Jaemin goes to open both of their jeans.

"Sure. This is just like after Chenle's party, pretend this is about football," Jaemin states, mind clouded with thoughts about his best friend and you, and how he would turn your sex life upside down.

"S-seriously, though," Jeno's voice shakes as he gets to enjoy the way Jaemin's hand sneaks into his boxers to finally touch him. "Are you thinking about her?"

"All the time," Jaemin admits truthfully, not breaking the eye contact Jeno's created. He wraps a hand around Jeno's length, his other hand pulling the older's pants down enough too free his throbbing errection that weights hotly in his hand. "I think about her lips and how perfectly they'd stretch around my cock."

"Shit," Jeno moans, eyes rolling back as Jaemin starts stroking him. "Keep going."

"I need to see her gagging, tears rolling down her cheeks." Jaemin moans at the thought, "touch me."

Jeno hastily complies, freeing Jaemin's hardness as well, not ever having realized how much he's missed the girth of it against his palm. At this, Jaemin groans deeply, hips bucking immediately as he sets a steady pace stroking Jeno as well.

"Her legs too, especially in those skirts. Makes me wonder about the kind of ass she hides from me," Jaemin continues and Jeno whines at the his words, jealousy bubbling up inside him to only fuel his need to cum.

"H-her ass is-" Jeno halts with a moan as Jaemin swipes his thumb over Jeno's tip, "tight."

"Fuck." Jaemin throws his head back as Jeno picks up the pace of stroking him. "Tell me about her cunt."

Jeno's thoughts are all over the place, remembering every single time he's had the chance to stuff you full of his cock, burying himself balls deep inside of you, and it honestly makes his head spin even more. "So wet 'n perfect," he babbles, eyes lidded as he presses his forehead against Jaemin's, "she takes me so well every time, like the good slut she is."

"Mhm, that's what I thought. Your little whore, our little whore- fuck, go faster," Jaemin moans as Jeno does exactly what he's told, the older's sounds turning Jaemin on beyond belief, as well as the thoughts about you that make him want to show up at your workplace unannounced and have his way with you in front of all of your colleagues to show them who you belong to. Involuntary though unmistakably, your name slips from Jaemin's lips.

"Guys...?"

In shock, Jeno's hand stops its movements, but Jaemin is quick to react as he grabs the older's jaw. "Keep going. Fucking look at her and keep going, puppy."

Jeno's wide eyes stay fixated on your shocked face as you analyze the scene unfolding in front of your eyes, though he complies and keeps jerking his best friend off. Jaemin knows you heard him moan your name, though he throws it in two more times to really be sure, knee pushing upwards against Jeno's balls to get him to the edge faster. "Tell her I want her," Jaemin commands, eyes trained on you as well, not missing the way your thighs press together at the sight in front of you.

"W-we want you," Jeno whines, hips stuttering before he releases with a groan, cum splashing out all over Jaemin's shirt almost up to his chin as he guides Jeno through his gut-wrenching high that's quickly followed by syllables of your name. It doesn't take long for Jaemin after that as he sends you a wink before asking: "Do you want it on your face, puppy?"

© 2023 YUTASBELLYBUTTONPIERCING all rights reserved — please DO NOT translate, take, nor repost any of my works.

[mewguca]

I was thinking about how people should talk more about the parallels between hunter and moon

This is a rather self-indulgent piece...I find it very comforting to be able to express my emotions through a media I love like this...that's probably my favorite thing about art. Being able to express something...being able to connect emotionally with the viewer...is really nice

textless versions and a long rambling under the cut

Hunter is often viewed as a very strong and agile slugcat...they are the "hard mode" after all. Hunter probably has a lot of physical prowess. But, with the rot...they become weaker. At its worst, they struggle to do basic movements...until they eventually die. Of course, in my version of events...Hunter's rot is cured, but it still leaves lasting side-effects. Their scars go beyond simple battle wounds...there's a sort of pervasive sickliness throughout their whole body. Treatment helps, of course...but

You know how that is, right...? You have to keep getting treatments. You have to work for your recovery. And you have to work to prevent your body from getting weaker again...Or y'know, that's how it is if you've ever had any reoccurring or chronic health issues. It's...a struggle I feel like doesn't get expressed very often...so I wanted to express it through my version of Hunter.

Even though Moon isn't anywhere near as organic, I feel like she can relate to similar struggles. She used to be like a god...a powerful supercomputer who could do just about anything! But...she couldn't bring herself to do the one thing that'd preserve her own wellbeing. She delays and delays on forcing Pebbles to stop with her administrative powers until it is far too late...

Maybe she thought she could handle it. That everything would be fine if she just waited for Pebbles to understand...or waited for him to stop. If she just kept sending messages, eventually he would listen.

But he didn't. Things didn't get better. And by the time she finally took action against it, it was too late...her forced communications did nothing but make her brother furious with her...because she "ruined everything." She could only accept her imminent collapse...

When she woke up again, she had only a few neurons left to run on. Her umbilical was broken, her overseers were out of her control, and even the roof over her head was incomplete.

She couldn't do most of the things she used to. She could hardly move. She could hardly even think. She could barely remember who or what she used to be...and she didn't have great ability to remember the present, either.

It must have been really painful...but she keeps doing what she can anyways. She reads the pearls you bring her. She tells you about the items you bring. She gives you information as best as she can. She is kind and hospitable. She encourages you. She could be so bitter and depressed...so resentful and cruel...but she isn't. I'm sure she has plenty of bitterness and resentment, plenty of hopelessness and great sadness, plenty of suffering...

But when she sees the little slugcat, she's still kind to it. She is grateful for what she has. She is happy to see you. And she keeps on living.

She's so strong...she is a huge inspiration for me.

So, I think if anyone could relate to Hunter's struggle...Moon is probably the closest. I think people should talk about their relationship more...after all, Hunter is her "little savior." I think they would be wonderfully close. They could support each other in their struggles to keep living, even if their bodies fight against them. I also think their friendship is just cute! Great potential for angst, for fluff, for comfort...idk. everything, really. It would be wonderful for them to reunite when they're both in better shape...as creatives, we can make a versions of events where that happens. It's really wonderful to me...for a work of art to inspire others to create art because of it.

This game means a lot to me...and it means a lot to me that it resonates so much with other people as well. So, thank you...

[theblack3stday]

BELONG TO ME — Remus Lupin | part one

Pairing: Remus Lupin x fem!reader

Summary: You always felt like you didn’t belong in your universe. One day, you find yourself in 1977 and you meet there the Marauders.

A/N💌: Hey! I was trying something different, I hope it’s not that bad😭 I wanted to do series, but if it’s bad I won’t continue it.

Word count: 1.9k

Warnings: depression, mentions of anger attacks and etc

You find yourself in a place of never-ending movement, you were still a teenager, but you've already lived through so many experiences that it's hard to keep track of it all. You've seen so many places and met so many people, yet none of them seem to feel like home. You felt like you're always on the move, and even when you do settle down for a while, it's hard to feel comfortable. Instead, you find yourself filled with frustration and sometimes anger, even at the smallest of things. You've always been judged harshly, and it's left you feeling insecure and doubting yourself. Your life has been a string of disappointments, and you find yourself feeling more and more like a burden to everyone around you. You were always the second choice or felt unloved, and even though that was never true, the feeling has persisted and eaten away at you. You find it hard to build true friendships or relationships because you feel like they will always leave you, so you often keep people at a distance and refuse to let them get close to you. Even though this isn't the case, the idea that it will always be the outcome has become so deeply ingrained in you. Maybe it was crazy, but it always felt like you didn’t belong in your universe. You have this sense of not belonging in this world, like you are somehow separate from it. Like you don't quite fit in. Perhaps you feel more at home somewhere other than here, or perhaps you just don't seem to gel with the people around you. Whatever the reason, it feels like you don't quite match this world around you and that makes the feeling of alienation and isolation even stronger.

In the last class of the day, the English teacher started talking about the existence of another universes and dimensions. You've always been interested in the concept of other universes and are fascinated by the idea that there could be other realities and dimensions beyond this one. Especially, you loved thinking that there is a universe where you are happy and don’t feel like you don’t belong there. This is the first time you've heard anyone talk about it in a school setting and are eagerly paying attention to what the teacher has to say.

"So as I was saying, the multiverse is the idea that there are endless universes out there. Each one has its own unique characteristics, with different versions of us and different laws of physics." he continued talking

"So you mean we aren't the only us out there?" one of your classmates asked him.

"That's the idea. The multiverse theory states that every decision you make spawns a new universe. So there's a universe where you took the other route home, one where you picked up a different book, and so on. Every possible choice creates new realities."

Everyone started whispering and discussing the idea. "It's kinda mind-blowing, huh? There's a whole multiverse out there, and all these different versions of you. And here's the crazy part: they're all real. Even tho' they're happening out there in other universes, they're just as real as our reality. So basically, you're co-existing with an infinite number of other you's right now." he chuckled to his students reaction.

As the teacher talked about the multiverse, it hit you – there might be other versions of yourself in different universes. The idea that somewhere out there, there's a version of you who feels happy and at home gave you a glimmer of hope. It was like a light at the end of the tunnel, suggesting that things could be different in another universe. You always thought of that.

You are walking down the streets of London, headed home from school. Everything seems normal and familiar as you make your way through the city. However, after a while, something feels odd. You feel like you're walking in circles and suddenly realize you don't recognize where you are anymore. You begin to panic slightly, but after a few moments of struggling, you spot a familiar landmark and know that you're on the right track again. You find your way back home, but the experience leaves you feeling unsettled and confused. You were still confused from your encounter in the streets and couldn't fully take in the differences in your house. When you try to open the door with your keys, they don't fit. After a few tries, a redhead girl opened the door. You feel stunned and disoriented as she stares at you with a confused look on her face.

"Hello, can I help you?" the redhead's bright emerald eyes were staring at you with a look of curiosity.

"Um, I think maybe there's been a mistake. I thought this was my house." you raise your eyebrow, baffled by the situation.

"I live here. This is definitely my house. Are you sure," the redhead asks, unsure of your answer.

"Yes, very sure. But the key doesn't fit, so..." you raise the possibility of a mix-up.

"Maybe you got it wrong? Check the number." the redhead suggests a simple explanation, unsure of this whole situation.

You look closer at the number and double-check to make sure you hadn't gotten it wrong. Suddenly, a wave of dread washes over you as you realize that’s the same number as your house. But how was that possible?

"I think maybe I did get it wrong. Sorry to bother you," you begin to back away, with dismay. You find yourself walking down the street, stunned by the situation and trying to process everything that has just happened. You're feeling a mix of disbelief, confusion, and fear, unsure of what has just happened or how you got here. You try to think back on what could have happened, but your mind is drawing a blank. Nothing makes sense and it feels like anything could have happened. A rush of adrenaline floods your body. As you walk down the street, you suddenly feel drawn to a date that has been written on a sign outside of a nearby store. Your eyes hone in on the date and your heart skips a beat as you read it. It says 1977. You couldn't believe your eyes and had to pause for a moment to process what you were seeing. Could it be possible? Was it really 1977? You stare at the date for what feels like minutes, but it only lasts a second. Your mind races with the possibilities. Were you somehow thrown back in time? Was this some sort of alternate reality? What was happening? Your curiosity was building and you found yourself wanting to explore more of this strange world. It felt surreal to see that it was 1977, and you were suddenly filled with wonder and curiosity. As you continue to stare at the date written on the store, you suddenly feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn to see the redhead who had previously spoken with you, standing behind you.

"Are you alright?" the redhead asks, with a look of concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine," you reply, trying to mask the fact that you time-traveled or change your reality. “I’m sorry that i came to your house like that. I’m new here and my aunt lives in your street. You know all the houses looks exactly the same, which is creepy, and i was confused.” you lied, trying to not look so weird.

The redhead chuckles at your response, finding it amusing but also empathetic. It seems clear she understands the confusion and bewilderment that you must be feeling. "I can't say you aren't right," she laughs, finding the situation humorous yet also relatable. She continues to stare at you with a sympathetic smile “I’m Lily, by the way. Lily Evans.”

“Y/N Y/L/N.” you smiled at her.

Lily’s eyes light up as she mentions, “You know, we’re heading to the park later to meet up with some friends. Would you like to come with us? It’s always great to have new faces around.”

A mix of hesitation crosses your face as you contemplate the offer. You were homeless and in different place, whatever it is called.

“Okay you’re coming.” she grabbed your arm and started walking you with her.

“Actually-“ you tried to stop her.

“It’s gonna be fun, you’ll love them.”

As you walk together towards the park Lily, noticing your initial hesitation, leans in and whispers, “I’m really glad you came. Trust me, you’re going to love hanging out with this bunch.” Her genuine enthusiasm puts you at ease, and you start to feel a sense of camaraderie with this group from a different era.

Lily introduces you to her friends, The Marauders. As you walk together towards the park, Lily introduces you to her friends, the Marauders. She points to a dark-haired boy with mischievous eyes and a playful grin, calling him as Sirius. Next, she indicates a boy with messy dark hair with glasses as James, her boyfriend.

“Then there's Marlene and Mary." she continued. Mary smiled at you kindly. Marlene, was more playful, but she smiled at you too.

“And this is Y/N, guys.”

As she introduces you, a quiet and serious-looking boy with brown eyes and brown hair, an air of wisdom about him, came towards you. When he was close enough, you realised his scars on his face. You can't help but feel mesmerized by his beautiful eyes, as you notice the depth of intelligence and wisdom in his gaze.

"And this is Remus," Lily says, as the boy approaches. She introduces you formally. "This is Y/N, my new friend." The boy stares at you intensely, his dark eyes piercing into yours as he tries to understand who you are and what you're doing here. He stares for a few moments, considering his next words carefully. "Welcome," Remus finally says, his voice low and almost a whisper. "I'm Remus and it's....nice to meet you." He pauses, his deep, brown eyes studying you as he considers what else to say. It was a bit awkward, but nobody mind it, everyone went back talking. There was something different about Remus, you felt it.

[abyssruler]

fool’s hope

yandere dottore x gn!reader

character death, mentions of blood, dottore being a bastard, yandere

There was once a clone of his who loved you — genuinely, truly loved you.

You’ve seen him at his most terrifying, seen him grin and cackle as he dissected a live person, even seen him in a quiet and solemn state. You once thought you had seen all his expressions and moods he was capable of showing — but it was the way that clone looked at you with such softness you didn’t know he could possess, touch featherlight as it held you gently. And it was then you realized you’d nearly forgotten what it was like to be touched with kindness.

It made your weak heart beat with newly found hope.

It had the most charming laugh and a smile that could make anyone swoon. He’d always been attractive, eyes gravitating towards him even against their will. But he was also cruel and needlessly condescending. The clone was an anomaly, an error to his calculations that he so highly thought of.

You didn’t care about abnormalities and mistakes, didn’t care that this small slice of happiness would soon be ripped away, because for once in your life, the sight of those red eyes brought a sense of fondness instead of fear and hate.

He killed that clone before it was even two weeks old, watching you cry over its corpse with barely hidden interest shining behind those horrid eyes.

“Would you cry for me if I died?” He asked, more out of his own twisted sense of amusement than any true desire to know the answer. His own way of mocking your grief.

The answer you gave was full of vitriol and loathing.

“Never.”

“You contradict yourself.” He laughed, crossing his arms behind his back and peering down your tear-stricken face. “The clone I had just killed could be, in a sense, considered as ‘me’, no? And if I’m not mistaken, those are tears running down your face. Unless you’re actually crying about getting blood on your clothes, then by all means, you’re welcome to watch as I cut open my ‘self’ to study the lapse in its behaviors.”

You had never wanted to hurt anyone as much as you did then.

Silence reigned over the dimly lit room he called a laboratory, the blood had seeped through your clothes but still, you didn’t say a word. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you lose your composure again.

“Pity,” he finally said after it became clear that you won’t provide the reaction he wanted. He gestured a hand to the corpse of his clone, not sparing it the barest of glances, dismissive even to his own self. You wished he cared as little about you as he did his other halves.

You watched the Fatui grunts haul the body away with a detached feeling, not quite processing it yet so aware of every little detail happening in front of you.

At that moment, you had wondered, a foolish little notion that you couldn’t quite snuff out, what it would have been like had it managed to keep its promise of overthrowing the prime and treating you better than he ever would.

“I realize that, given who I am, such words wouldn’t give you much assurance, let alone evoke an emotion one could akin to happiness—not that I would know, being what I am and what I am not allowed to feel. But when I’m with you, I… I feel as if my mind begins to program itself differently from the way it should. It is confusing, and I’ve never been one to deal with confusion in a healthy manner. I should think it’s beyond me to feel sympathy, let alone this anomaly the signals in my brain are creating, but… it is not something I would consider a mistake. A breakthrough, perhaps, in the loosest sense of the word. I understand now why the prime would rather not deal with these emotions—they are much too tiring—but it brings with it a sense of satisfaction I don’t believe I’ve ever felt before. How strange. You make me feel strange.”

Dottore does not make mistakes — or so you once thought.

He once mentioned how each clone is a fragment of his self, everything they are and ever will be has already been achieved by him.

That is why I am the prime, little one, he told you with a grin that raised the hairs on your skin.

But you did wonder, in a fit of impulsivity and a delusion-spurned thought to imagine a better life for yourself, if somehow a minuscule, almost infinitesimal amount, part of him once felt the same way that clone of his did for you somewhere deep within that heartless cavity he calls a chest.

It remains unclear to this day.

But sometimes you wish he did, if only to see those eyes of his look at you with tenderness and longing just once more.

[notmyprey]

Hi! Uhm I’m new, I love your blog! But I’m just nervous I’ll be judged by others that I like this stuff

Hey I am so so sorry about how long it took me to get to this. I have been thinking this over quite a bit, since this is in fact a very serious thing. (I also have been really busy, which hasn't helped in the speed at which I answer asks)

Firstly, thank you! I am always so happy when people find my art/content as entertaining as I do!

Secondly, in regards to the judgment.

Unfortunately, no matter what you do, someone will judge you. But when you want something enough, when you care about something enough, you will find places and groups where that judgment lessens. I have found my place here, a place where, although no one knows my irl name, they know me by a name I answer to. Although no one knows my face, they do know a truer face of myself than many do in real life. People here know me and often know a more freeing part of me.

I think being here, on Tumbler, has been so freeing and overall rewarding. I know you may be scared of the judgment, but there are ways to lessen it. (I will give tips on how to do this later on)

Although our community has its faults, it is kind at heart and truely is trying to do what they think is best to keep others safe. Although many disagree with the methods, it always comes back to the fact that we want to have a safe place to express ourselves. This, our community, in reality, is a decently safe place.

That being said, I know the fear of harassment is very real. So if you guys want my tips on how to avoid harassment, here are some things I've found:

Dont post political views (outside of DNI lists) on your sfw vore blog. This often can lead to people who dont agree with your view on said matter to seek you out for hate. I have seen this time and time again, I whole heartedly recommend a dedicated blog to that stuff, or even creating a new/separate account for it.

Dont spam tags. This is basic, but often overlooked. Make sure you tag your posts right, or people may block you because you did post something triggering and they saw it.

Dont reblog Willy nilly. This can lead to mishaps, such as accidentally rebloging a post from an nsfw blog. Try to make sure you are rebloging from people you know are safe.

Dont threaten, even jokingly, anyone unless you make it 100% clear it is a joke. This goes for your friend, others, and even people who are mean to you. This is often overlooked, but can easily come to bite you in the ass when your words are used to make you look violent and sporadic.

If people criticize you, even unjustly, try to at least think about where those words may be coming from. I have someone call me a pedo in the past, and although I am very ace, I understand it was probably coming from a place of hurt. Whether it was their hurt or someone they knew, it was probably a subject that was important, and if they see any of the same trends as when they/another was hurt, they will point it out. Dont get angry and aggressive, no matter how much you want to. If you need to, step away.

If troll annons start invading your ask box, either turn off annon or stop answering. Answering annons like that too often only fuels the fire, trolls, not haters, but trolls specifically feed off of your reaction. There is nothing for you to often grasp onto in those moments since the face you are talking to is faceless. So, either scarcely answer trolls, or dont answer them at all.

Dont get involved in community discourse when possible. Unless your hand is forced or it is an unavoidable matter, it is best to stay out of discourse. If you still want to know what others thing/help in a muxg safer way, often, I will message others I trust about their views on the matter (or if they are involved asking if they are doing ok), but rarely anything beyond that. Its difficult, seeing people you know be in the rough situations, but often stepping in when not necessary leads to more problems than it does help.

Please note that these are just some of the things I do that help me. Other people may have their own way of keeping harassment away from their blog, but this is mine.

[ghostorbz]

WHAT THE FUVK WHAT THRE EHVFI WHJAR THE FUVKL IM GOING TO THJROW UP I WILL NEBER B E HAPPY AGAIN IM GONNA PASS OUT IM G

BROOOOO UHHHGGHHGG

spoilers beyond this point!!

bro i

WHAT THE FUUUCKCKK BRO NOOONNONONO

okay. okay theres no way i just got DREAM THEORIED by fucking INANIMATE INSANITY RIGHT????? i just mean like thERES NO WAY AHAHAHASHH

ive been super behind on object shows recently. for months ive been putting it off for no reason and i finally started watching everything i missed yesterday and finished today. AAAALLLLLLLL of my friends kept freaking out about the new ii episode so i just HAD to catch up. and i am NOT OKAY!!!!

i am like, the number 1 hater of the dream theory,,, i know this doesnt really count but it kind of does in some sense. but i just dont know what to think of this,,, really, i dont,,,,

it was a great episode, dont get me wrong! im just,,, trying to think it over while im typing. at first i was super excited!! i mean i finally get to see characters ive been missing for years!!! but,,, to see it turn out so badly,,, my stomach is hurting just thinking about it

the way suitcase and knife couldnt even respond to what they were told. i mean, i wouldnt know what to say either!!! i wonder if mephone knew cobs would tell them that and sent them there anyway. constantly running from his problems and his past that he sent his contestants to do it which ended up shattering their world view.

is this happening in mephones mind? are the contestants physical? it reminds me of ddlc a bit, none of the girls have real backstories, like the contestants. so when theyre asked about it, its just a blur.

im inclined to believe the contestants are physical beings. if cobs is there and they can interact with him they should be right? unless mephone also created his dad. we also know mephone can create things, and if he can revive contestants, it would make sense that he made them. BUT if hes just imagining everything play out in his head,,, oh jeez

locked away in a closet somewhere like 3gs, imagining his characters in a gameshow,,, its really sad actually

i dont think thats the direction theyre going with though, that would make me extra mad considering the whole dream theory thing

idk im just shocked is all. i need a few more minutes to process this

[fandomnsfw]

Th Sergeant’s Admirer - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Prompt: I actually had writers block and decided to look through some unfinished stuff and came across this it started at 1k words and I decided to see where my idea's took me...It got out of hand. This is the biggest one-shot I've actually ever done. its over 7k and its my first Bucky fic I'm excited to hear every ones thoughts. (if you don't like don't read)

Warnings: Smut, there fluff lots of it, I have a minor fetish or kink for like Bucky's arm so that may leak in this story. (oops)

Description: You’re a sci-fi writer who happens to support Sergeant Barnes rather publicly in an interview for your latest book, which somehow ends with you being asked to help boost the Sergeants PR.

Thank you to my beta who gave this a quick edit last night @lets-imagine-fanfics

*******

“So, Y/N, as a successful writer of a sci-fi book series everyone is wondering who is your favourite Avenger?” The interviewer asked with a bright white smile that was beyond fake in your eyes. 

“That depends on what reason? I mean I know everyone wants me to say Captain America because the hero of my book is noble and righteous much like our good Captain, but to be honest; I most admire Sergeant Barnes.” You replied easily clearly shocking the interviewer as her jaw dropped immediately.  

“You mean The Winter Solider?” The interviewer asked sceptically.  

“No, HYDRA created The Winter Solider by torturing a good man that fought for this country over 70 years ago. The man who now helps the Avengers and their cause is not the assassin they created but the Sergeant finally getting his life back and once again serving his country despite having every right to retire and live a normal life.” You answered easily, your smile finally real as you spoke passionately about your beliefs on the subject. 

“So, you believe that the Sergeant shouldn’t be treated like a terrorist and a killer despite his wrongdoings?” The interviewer sassed back making your face drop instantly.  

“I’m sorry…so if Miss Wanda Maximoff came in here and made you kill everyone in this room…would you think it fair to get charged for the murders?” You asked causing her to splutter.  

“I think this interview is over and I don’t think I will be taking any more interviews from this station. Oh, one more thing…” You started before staring into the camera. 

“Sergeant Barnes, if you are watching this, thank you for your service.” You spoke sweetly into the camera making everyone chuckle under their breaths before you took your exit out of the studio, your manager following you with a panicked expression.  

As you stepped outside of the building, your manager tried to keep the paparazzi away but pictures were still being taken and their questions were relentless, so you decided to answer some of their inquiries. Holding your hand up they easily quietened down but continued to take pictures. 

“Miss Y/L/N, is it true that your favourite avenger is Mr Barnes or was it a publicity stunt?” You shot the person a glare before crossing your arms.  

“No, I truly admire Mr Barnes.” You answered with gritted teeth. 

“Do you know Mr Barnes personally?” Someone asked in the back. 

“No, but I would absolutely love to meet him one day.” You replied with a happy nod and as you did your manager started tugging on your jacket with wide eyes.  

As her words flowed into your ear your jaw hit the floor and everyone started screaming questions again, but you couldn’t breathe, everything you had just said was being watched live from a few News stations and Captain America had seen it all. 

“That’s the end of the questions today, thank you so much for your patience’s and thank you to my fans who never stop giving.” You muttered robotically as your manager dragged you away from the crowd straight into a black car that was waiting next to the pavement. 

As the car drove, you stared at the floor wishing you knew how this had happened but you knew how… you were the only person to ever speak up about the hardships and horrors Mr Barnes must’ve been through… however you never expected to get so much from it, you had just wanted to share your opinion.  

“We’re here, Miss Y/L/N.” The driver stated as you stared up at the Stark tower with wide eyes.  

Everything from the entrance to the top floor was a blur, your mind couldn’t function knowing you were about to meet an Avenger. As you entered the room you saw three faces that looked familiar and four that didn’t, but you held your head high hoping your nerves weren’t obvious.  

“Miss Y/L/N, thank you for meeting with us on such short notice.” The most famous man in America spoke, making your eyes widen comically.  

“Well, when Captain America asks to meet you…you can hardly say no, Sir.” You chuckled nervously, tucking your hair behind your ear before straightening out your dress. 

“Please call me Steve. I asked to meet you to thank you for what you said about Bucky in your interview today. You’re the first person I have seen speak about him with such admiration.” Steve stated happily, his smile lighting up the room in a way no one else probably could.  

“It was only the truth, S-Steve.” You stuttered shyly your cheeks flushing as you noticed Tony Stark rolling his eyes which made your eyes narrow. 

“I’m sorry, do excuse me but is there an issue, Mr Stark?” You huffed with much more attitude than you probably should’ve been aiming at him. 

“I just think your ‘opinion’ is wrong.” He stated with an arrogant smirk.  

“And I think you married way out of your league and personally think you have a narcissistic personality, but I kept that part to myself when I spoke of the avengers. No offence to your genius and well achieved wife.” You stated as you gave Pepper a nod of apologies.  

“None taken, Miss Y/L/N. However, I believe your admiration for Mr Barnes is actually a good thing…he doesn’t get a lot of good publicity and I think you are good for his PR.” Pepper stated making you nod in agreement.  

“The Sergeant hasn’t seen that interview, has he?” You asked your face turning bright red as you assessed the room full of people. 

“Actually, he’s being shown it as we speak…he should be done in about… oh here he is now.” Steve stated as the man you’d defended walked through the door. 

“Oh, for the love of Thor.” You whispered in embarrassment, your hand covering your face as you shot your manager a panicked look.  

“Bucky, this is Y/N  Y/L/N from the interview… she’s a big fan.” Steve teased, his smirk not going unnoticed by you.  

“I must say, Captain, you are much more of an asshole than I thought… and your arms are way bigger than they look on pictures…” You rambled clearly your filter had completely vanished.  

“I am so sorry… when I get nervous, I tend to lose my mouth filter just tell me to shut up…Okay…big fan Sergeant.” You added with a bright red face as you turn towards Bucky and held your hand out for him to shake.  

“Thanks… Why am I here, Steve?” He huffed with a very uncomfortable half smile as he shook your hand awkwardly.  

“I think you and Y/N should spend some time together in public places…I think it would boost your PR and also make you less antisocial.” Steve snorted making Bucky glare at his longtime friend.  

“I am not antisocial, I just don’t like most people, and everything is different… even dating is done on the internet now, it’s stupid.” Bucky rolled his eyes before looking at you with a more focused gaze.  

“I appreciate your words, Doll, but I’m not about to force you to spend time with me because you don’t hate me like the rest of America.” Bucky spoke to you, and you shook your head. 

“I’m actually a big fan genuinely… I think you’re amazing also I agree, online dating is stupid.” You stated his words had made you smile in a way you hadn’t in a while.  

“You’re an interesting woman, I’ll give you that, sweetheart.” Bucky chuckled sending you a panty melting smile that made you literally clutch your metaphorical pearls.  

“Bucky used to be quite the ladies' man, back in the day.” Steve snorted suddenly making your eyes shoot towards him. 

“I was, until this asshole grew muscles, and no woman would pick me over him.” Bucky huffed playfully with an eye roll.  

“No offence, Captain, but I think I’d choose the Sergeant…” You whispered to Steve earning a smile from him. 

“I can hear you, Doll.” Bucky whispered teasingly causing your face to flush.  

“Well… moving on. I would be happy to spend some time with you, if you wouldn’t mind of course. It would be great to get to know you.” You mumbled in embarrassment your cheeks turning bright pink.  

“I guess. What could go wrong?”  

Everyone’s famous last words. 

RENOWNED SCI-FI AUTHOR DATING THE WINTER SOLDIER! 

Those words were sprawled across the front page of the New York Times.  It wasn’t that people were assuming you’d date Mr Barnes, but more that you’re embarrassed for Mr Barnes because anyone is crazy if they think that man would want to date a silly Sci-Fi author.  

“I really hope he doesn’t think I had anything to do with this.” You muttered to your manager, as you rode the elevator up to the Stark PR Office. 

“In what world would you want to date a 100 year old man?” She chuckled making you shoot a glare straight at her.  

“In every world wouldn’t I date Mr Barnes. He’s charming, handsome and a gentleman.” You snapped back at your manager, making her look down in shame. 

You slapped down the paper as you threw your head back in frustration. You had only been on a few outings with Mr Barnes but somehow the sleaze bag journalists deemed that enough to assume you were dating. Your work phone had been ringing none stop all morning with people asking for quote on your supposed new relationship. 

You had finally turned your phone off after sending a text to Steve with your personal phone number. The calls were getting too much, and your head was pounding. Your personal phone started ringing so you hurried to answer the call. 

“Doll?” The sergeants voice rang out over the speaker making you jolt up straight as you took speaker mode off and pressed the phone to your ear. 

“Hi, Mr Barnes.” You muttered sweetly, making him groan. 

“I told you to call me Bucky, Doll.” He chuckled making you flush bright red. 

“I’m so sorry about the paper, Bucky.” You sighed softly making your manager roll her eyes. 

“It’s hardly your fault, sweetheart. It doesn’t bother me let them assume whatever they want. I hope it doesn’t bother you.” He chuckled darkly making you frown. 

“It doesn’t. I was more worried you’d be bothered, kind of puts a damper on your single status.” You giggled making him laugh. 

“Hey there are worse things. Steve says it’s good PR.” He mumbles causing you to nod only to realise he couldn’t see you. 

“I’m popping to the farmers market later would you like to come? Maybe we could go for lunch after?” You asked quietly hoping he would say yes. 

“You sure? People might think we’re married next.” He teased making you giggle. 

“There are worse things.” You sassed his own words back at him causing another chuckle from the older man. 

“Okay, I’ll pick you soon. You okay with bikes?” He asked softly making your heart flutter. 

“Hell yes!” You exclaimed happily as you hung up and sent a text with your address. 

You quickly ran to get dressed. Sliding on a pair of black skintight cargo pants, khaki green long sleeved cropped Henley with your black leather lace up heels and your teddy bear fur collared leather jacket. 

Your hair was curled loosely, your makeup was simple with a glowing base. You deemed the outfit acceptable for the market and a bike ride. 

You gave yourself a nod in the mirror, just as you received a text from Bucky telling you he was here. You bid your manager goodbye, telling her to lock up when she left, before running out the house with a smile. You spotted Bucky immediately stood next to his bike with a very serious scowl on his face.  

When he spotted you, his scowl was replaced by a grin as he took you in, his eyes scanning you up and down. You flushed softly as his arm brushed you when you were close enough.  

“You look beautiful.” He stated awkwardly as he hopped on his bike passing you a helmet which you glared at him for since he didn’t look like he was about to put one on. 

“Thank you. Though these are my casual clothes.” You giggled before putting on the helmet. 

He held out his hand helping you onto the bike behind him. You were unsure of where to put your hands, so you just gripped onto the back of his leather jacket, however he seemed unsatisfied with that, so he grabbed your hands and looped them around his waist. You linked your fingers together tightly trying not to let your mind stray to how solid his abdomen was. 

He soon sped off causing your heart to pound in your chest. You loved bikes but you were always too scared to get your own so you enjoyed it while you could. He sped around cars carefully until finally, much to your dismay, you arrived at the farmer's market. 

He helped you off the parked bike before hopping off himself. He looked around noticing a few stares causing you to glare at some of them. You ignored them as you looped your arm with his metal one which appeared to shock him as he immediately tensed up. 

He gradually relaxed, sending you a grateful smile as he patted your hand that was gripping his bicep with his human one. You both began strolling through the market until you spotted a stall with fresh fruit. You tugged him towards the stall with a soft giggle as he rolled his eyes.  

“What’s your favourite?” You asked as you scanned the contents of the stall. 

“Plums, I guess.” He grumbled in his usual grumpy tone. 

“Is being out with me that bad?” You asked with a sad frown as you began letting go of his arm.  

His eyes widened as his hand shot out to keep your arm around his bicep. He shook his head silently before pulling you closer.  

“I can hear them talking.” He explains and suddenly you felt awful for forgetting he could hear better than you.  

“Ignore them. Let’s get some plums and, Hmm how about strawberry and cherries?” You muttered casually as you pulled him towards the strawberries.  

“Whatever you want, Doll.” He chuckled softly as he allowed you to tug him along. 

You finally let go so you could go pay but Bucky beat you to it paying for everything in the bag as you stood off to one side with a pout on your face. Once he’s done paying, he turned around to face you but suddenly his eyes flicked behind you widening. 

Before you knew what was happening Bucky grabbed you by the waist and spun you to the other side of himself just in time to see a guy on a moped speed past Bucky. He’s just saved your life your eyes brimmed with tears from the shock but as Bucky saw this, he must’ve thought he’d hurt you because he instantly pulled away. 

“I’m sorry if I hurt you, Doll.” He whispered; guilt evident in his voice. 

“No, you didn’t. You saved my life.” You sniffled with a pout as you wrapped your arms around him, burying your face in his chest. 

“Are you okay?” He asked gently as a few people were watching the both of you. 

“Mhmm, thank you, Bucky.” You whispered against his solid chest. 

“Come on, let go get some lunch.” He muttered into your hair before pulling away. Though he kept his arm around your shoulder as you kept yours around his waist.  

You strolled down the sidewalk before leading Bucky into a little café that you enjoyed. You spent a lot of time writing in this café so sometimes fans would find you here, but you ignored the stares as you made your way to the checkout. You ordered your usual as Bucky read over the drink and food options, in the end he ordered the same as you before you both found a little table just outside the café.  

“So, your book must be quite popular?” He asked softly making you smile proudly. 

“Yeah, I just published my second one in the series.” You replied happily. 

Just as he was about to reply a young girl came up to the table holding a copy of your book which made you smile widely. She seemed a little scared to talk so you helped her by starting the conversation. 

“How are you liking the second one?” You asked softly with a bright smile still on your face. 

“Hi, I’m Veronica, It’s amazing! I’m such a big fan I used to read your work on Wattpad before you published. You’re so talented.” She rambled excitedly her enthusiasm making you chuckle. 

“Oh, thank you, that’s so sweet.” You laughed happily as Bucky watched the exchange quietly. 

“Is it true that you two are dating?” She suddenly asked making you glance at Bucky who seemed to stiffen in his seat. 

“Sorry, that was really inappropriate. Well either way your true fans are totally routing for you! It’s nice to meet you, Sergeant Barnes.” She suddenly said before you could answer. 

“It’s nice to meet you too.” Bucky replied politely with a small nod. 

“Can I get a picture with both of you?” She asked rather shyly. 

You glanced at Bucky who gave you a nod before you looked towards Veronica and gave her an affirmative nod. You both stood up one on either side of her before she pulled out her camera. Bucky had a straight face as she aimed the front camera upwards. 

“Smile, Bucky.” You snorted as you nudged his metal arm. 

“Sorry, Doll.” Bucky huffed with a playful eye roll which made Veronica laugh. 

She took her picture and thanked you both before running off back to her table where her friends were waiting. You glanced at Bucky who seemed awkward after the encounter, but you nudged him before you both took your seats. 

“You could’ve said we weren’t dating.” He said suddenly making you frown. 

“Would you prefer I told them that?” You asked seriously. 

“No, but you don’t have to let people think you’d date me just to spare me.” He sighed softly making you pout a little. 

“I would totally date you.” You blurted out making both yours and his eyes widen. You covered your face as it began heating up with a blush.   

“Hey, Doll?” Bucky whispered as he pried your hands away. “I’d totally date you too.” He teased making you hide behind your hands again. 

“I know you haven’t danced since the 40s, however there’s a really cool bar that plays stuff from 1930-1960s, if you’d like to go with me tonight?” You asked as you lowered your hands, once again not daring to look him in the eyes. 

“You asking me to go dancing with you, Doll?” He chuckled playfully as our food and drinks arrived. 

“Yes.” You giggled softly as you pulled out your phone and passed it to him once you’d found the video you wanted. It was a video of you dancing at the same bar with your grandad.  

“That’s my grandad, he taught me how to swing dance.” You chuckled as Bucky watched the video. 

“You look like you jumped right out of my era.” He laughed as he seemed to be enjoying the video. 

“What’s this song? It’s quite good.” He asked with a small smile on his face. 

“One of the greatest musicians of the 50s and 60s Elvis Presley. The song is Jailhouse Rock.” You replied casually as to not make him feel bad for not knowing. 

“I would love to go dancing with you. Although I don’t know how good I’ll be now.” He grumbled awkwardly as he seemed to shrink a little. 

“We’ll start slow and if you don’t wanna dance, that’s fine too.” You said trying to ease his tension. 

“Deal. Thank you, Doll.” He chuckled his mood lightening instantly. 

************** 

You were wearing a taffeta midnight blue, a line dress that had a wrap style around the bust, paired with cream leather original Mary Jane heels. A cream lace snap handbag with pearl earrings for accessories.  

Your makeup was simple with a black wing and red lips, which you checked for the fifth time making your mother roll her eyes. You ignored it as you turned to your grandmother with a concerned frown. 

“Are you sure I can borrow great nana’s stuff?” You asked your grandmother for the third time. 

“Honey, I’m hardly going to wear that stuff now. Plus, with that hunk of a man as your date, who would say no.” She whispered making you laugh at her words.  

“Hey, that’s my hunk, even if he is older than you.” You laughed making her join you as your mother just shook her head at your antics. 

Just then there was a knock on your front door making you freeze as you look at your grandmother who seemed to be contemplating running for the door. Your shot her a glare before making a break for it, you ran rather fast for someone in heels, but you hurried to grab your bag and keys before bolting out of the apartment. 

“Woah! You okay there, Doll?” Bucky laughed as you ran right into him. 

“My mom and Nana are in there.” You whispered shyly making his eyes widen. 

“My nana brought round my great nana’s dress.” You added as he finally took in your outfit as he stepped back. 

“Wow.” He whispered under his breath before clearing his throat and standing up straight as you took in his appearance.  

He was wearing a black double-breasted suit with a white shirt and black satin tie. He had black shiny shoes too match his hair has been cut too which made you both sad and excited all at the same time. You’d miss his long hair, but you couldn’t argue he looked hotter than hell with short hair.  

“Fucking hell.” You whisper under your breath as you tried to stop your heart from beating out of your chest. 

“My sentiments exactly.” Bucky chuckled as he scanned you up and down once again. 

“I keep forgetting you can hear better than me.” You laughed awkwardly as you held your small bag tightly in your hands. 

“It’s fine. Come on, I borrowed Steve’s car so you wouldn’t have to ride the bike in a dress.” He stated as he held his left arm out for you. 

You were happy he finally warmed up to touching you with his metal arm, usually he tried to use his right arm whenever he touched you. Unless you made the first move.  

You drove to the bar in silence as Bucky drummed away on the steering wheel as if trying to bat away whatever anxiety was eating away at him. You reached over to grasp his hand in yours, giving him a soft smile, silently telling him you were here. 

“We can turn around, Buck.” You whispered gently, your face softening. 

“No. No, I can do this.” He replied just as softly. 

He released your hand before opening the driver's side door and stepping out. He ran around to the passenger door to open it for you, holding out his hand for you, his leather gloves still on much to your disappointment. You took his hand with a vibrant grin taking over your face. 

As you walked inside Bucky must’ve been expecting to be stared at again because he kept his head down and his other hand in his pocket. However, when you nudged him, he finally looked up only for his eyes to widen as he looked around.  

“Is that my face?” He asked as his jaw hit the floor. 

“Yeah, the walls are covered with historical war figures. The owner, Sal, has had that picture up here since the world found out, said and I quote ‘These government bastards take everything and give nothing.’” You chuckled as he glanced up to find everyone staring, not in malice but in respect.  

Once everyone had given a nod of respect, they went back to their nights. You pulled Bucky to the bar as he seemed to relax a lot more now. He was glancing around in awe of everything, what you didn’t realise was that for Bucky, you’d just given him a second to remember who he used to be. 

“You’re amazing.” He suddenly blurted out making you jump a little. 

“I think the same thing about you, Sergeant.” You giggled as you order a whiskey and a martini. 

You sat chatting over two drinks before jailhouse rock came on and Bucky stood from his seat, holding out his hand silently and you took it happily. 

He spun around as you reached to dance floor before his feet started moving subtly at first until he finally gave into it and letting his muscle memory from the 40s take him back. You were both so in sync with each other even when he did the first lift, thank you God you’d worn the booty shorts underneath. You were having so much fun that 4 songs went by before finally you both decided to get a drink. 

“I’ve not danced like this since 1942.” He pants a little making you chuckle as you sipped a coke. 

“You dance very well, Sergeant Barnes.” You flirted, batting your lashes at him. 

“As do you, Miss Y/L/N.” Bucky chuckled equally as flirty. 

You chatted for the rest of the night until it got to 2am when Sal finally announced he was closing. You and Bucky said goodnight to those who were leaving too, before making your way to the car. You didn’t want the night to end but you had to sleep eventually.  

You held Bucky’s hand all the way home, occasionally smiling over at the older man who would smirk but never take his eyes off the road. You hadn’t ever felt this connected to someone before, it felt like how they described love in books. 

You both walked up the stairs your arms wrapped around his bicep enjoying the feeling as he remained rather silent. You leaned your head against his bicep as you arrived at your front door. 

“I had so much fun tonight.” You whispered shyly making him glance down at you with a pleased smile on his face. 

“Me too.” He responded quietly; his eyes full of adoration. 

“I would very much like to do this again.” You stated calmly as you pulled away, your back now facing your front door. 

“That can be arranged.” He chuckled as he stepped a little closer causing you back to press against the door. 

You stared into each other’s eyes longingly as your heart began racing against your chest. You never wanted to kiss someone as badly as you did at that moment. His eyes were slightly dazed as they drifted to your lips, until finally he granted your silent wish. 

His surprisingly soft lips were on your red ones. Thank God you’d worn your good lipstick. His hand came up so carefully to touch your cheek as he urged you closer. It was then that you had realised he didn’t have gloves on, and it was his metal hand on your face.  

You let out a soft gasp at the feeling of the cold metal on your bare skin. He must’ve thought something different because he pulled back looking guilty about something, which confused you until he tried putting his gloves back on. You instantly snatched the leather out of his hands before grabbing his metal hand and being back to your face.  

“I made that noise because I wasn’t expecting it and I definitely wasn’t expecting how turned on I got from your metal hand touching me.” You chuckled awkwardly making his eyes widen a little before he was suddenly on you again. His lips kissing you with much more passion and less innocence than the first one.  

He backed you up until finally your back hit the door and your hands flew around his neck, pulling him closer - if it was even possible. His flesh hand was on the door at the side of your head, whilst his metal one was cupping your cheek.  

You both got lost in the kiss for a few more minutes until you were out of breath. He pulled away just enough to rest his forehead against yours. He looked down at you with hooded eyes as his metal thumb brushed across your bottom lip.  

“God, you’re making it really hard to be gentleman right now.” He whispered against you lips like he was trying to do anything to distract himself. 

“You're not using me for a lay, are you?” You asked softly making his face sober up instantly. 

“No, I would never do that to you, Doll.” He replied seriously making you grin from ear to ear. 

“Then this is the 21st century, Buck, women can do what they want. So, Sergeant…would you like to come in for some coffee?” You asked in a sultry voice that instantly brought back that same dazed look. 

“I don’t know what kind of idiot would say no to you.” He chuckled huskily as he placed open mouthed kiss on your lips before pulling back completely. 

You took that opportunity to spin around and unlock your door silently. When you got inside the apartment Bucky trudged behind you slowly, as if waiting for you to change your mind. You weren’t going to, granted you wouldn’t usually bring a first date home, but it wasn’t like Bucky was a stranger. You had been friends for a few weeks, coffee dates and lunch plans even a movie at one point, so you had no regrets inviting this sweet man in.  

He rarely allowed you to pay for anything, always held the door open for you, always helped you up and downstairs like you were a lady. You were a woman sure but a ‘lady’ you weren’t graceful or polite enough to be one. But that didn’t matter to Bucky because he always treated you like one. Yes, it’s slightly outdated but he also respects your opinions and values them. He really listens when you talk even about things he doesn’t understand.  

“Would you like me to make the coffee while you sit down. Dancing in heels can’t be kind to your feet?” He asks gently leaving you smiling like an idiot. 

“Coffee is for the morning, Sergent.” You whispered seductively as you grabbed his metal hand and started pulling him towards the bedroom. 

“You are a minx.” Bucky chuckled as he followed you until you came to your bedroom. 

“I-I haven’t…” he started but strayed from his own words as he contemplated how to say it. 

“You haven’t had sex in a while?” You finished for him making his eyes lower to the ground. 

“We can wait, if you want?” You asked softly as you cupped both his cheeks making him look at you. 

“No, it’s not that, I just don’t want to disappoint you.” He mumbled shyly making your heart literally stutter in your chest. 

“You could never disappoint me unless you ever forced yourself to do something you weren’t comfortable with.” You whispered soothingly making a smile tug at his lips. You stepped back and confidently undid you dress before letting it fall to the floor leaving you in underwear and boots shorts.  

“You’re one of a kind, Y/N Y/L/N.” He whispers against your lips before you began helping him remove his jacket and tie. 

“So are you. You quite literally just turned me on saying my name.” You teased, your tone flirty as your hands tugged at the short hairs at the back of his head, sliding them down until you were at the buttons of his shirt. You began undoing each button until he finally shed the damn thing. 

“Well, I do apologise, Miss Y/L/N, let me rectify that.” He replied playfully as he grabbed the back of your thigh, pulling you up and wrapping your legs around him. He then carried you over to the bed with ease as his hand gripped at your thighs. 

He lowered you down so gently you wished he’d be rougher, but you knew he’d have to work up to that, just like with his metal arm. You stared into his eyes before running your hand over his chest and all the way to his metal arm. He stiffened for a second before smirking at you. 

“You appear to have some sort of fetish for my arm, Doll.” He whispered  

“It’s called a kink and 100%.” You giggled making him roll his eyes.  

“You strike me as a woman who likes romance and gentle acts, but I have a feeling I’m wrong.” He chuckled making you smirk. 

“Oh yeah, I love romance too but without sounding too crude, Sergeant, I’d rather you fuck me like an unhinged animal.” You stated confidently making his eyes widen. 

“Fuck…can’t say shit like that, baby.” He groaned as he buried his head in your bare collar bone. The new nickname had your heart practically out of your chest as you let out a little whimper. 

“Fuck me, Sergeant.” You whimpered a hint of desperation in your voice as you clutched at both of his biceps. 

“Need to do something first.” He growled as he started down the bed and before you could ask, your panties and shorts were off, and Bucky was on you. 

His lips leaving kisses and nibbles wherever he went. You had no doubt the inside of your thighs would be covered in love bites by the end, but you didn’t care. When he licked a stripe up the top of your inner thigh a breath away from you heat, your back arched off the bed as your hands gripped at the sheets. 

“You don’t have to, Buck.” You whispered sweetly despite that being the opposite of what you actually wanted. 

“Oh, I know but I’ve been thinking about doing this all week, baby. Need to taste you.” He said his tone pleading, before finally his lips were on your clit dropping a small kiss there. 

His tongue licked up your slit with the happiest groan you’d ever heard before. His tongue began drawing small shapes on the tiny bundle of nerves. You bit you lip to contain the noises that were coming out your mouth, but when Bucky saw this his flesh hand came down on the outside of your thigh. The sensation had you gripping his hair with both of your hands. 

“Dirty girl.” He whispered into your heat before his tongue was back on you.  

His flesh fingers came down to join as he slid two inside you at an agonisingly slow pace. You half wished he’d use his metal hand, but you were sure if that would be as fun as it sounded in your head. He immediately curled his fingers upwards making you practically see stars. 

“Oh, fuck yes, Buck.” You moaned as he sucked lightly on your bundle of nerves. 

“God, you taste like heaven.” Bucky groaned as he starts lapping away at you like a mad man. You screamed out unable to hold it back anymore as you began practically humping his face. 

His metal hand gripped your thigh and suddenly you felt yourself building up to that high. He slid the warmed metal up your torso up to your bra before he ripped it off, the two cups no longer sewn together. You couldn’t even be angry because it was the hottest thing you’d ever seen. 

“So close…please, Bucky.” You moaned as your back once again arched off your bed.  

“I got you…cum for me, baby.” He muttered huskily, his breath fanning across your clit before he started his ministrations back up. 

His tongue felt so wet and soft it was making your head spin, how he was eating you like a man starved. It sounded dirty but the noise only served to drive you closer to the edge. He started thrusting his two fingers harshly into your g-spot making your eyes roll back into your skull. 

“B-Bucky.” You stuttered between moans as you finally fell over the edge. You thrust against his face riding out your high until it became too sensitive to do so. 

“Need you, Buck, p-please.” You whimpered as you began undoing his slacks.  

“You’re so pretty when you beg, baby.” He chuckled teasingly as he pulled himself up, wiping his stubble covered face as he smirked down at you. 

“If you want me to beg, Sergeant, I’ll beg.” You whispered in a sultry tone. 

“Please, Sergeant, need your cock…need it so bad please, sir.” You begged prettily, batting your eye relishes at him with a hint of faux innocence. 

“Fuck, baby.” Bucky groaned as you pulled down his pants and threw them to one side with his boxers. 

You glanced down at his member it was thick. He was big too, but his thickness was beyond anything’s you’d had before. God that was gonna fill you up. You bit your lower lip as you tried to not moan just from the sight of his painfully hard member. 

His metal fingers wound around your neck softly not wanting to hurt you but just the feeling of the fast-cooling metal had your head spinning. You leaned into his touch making his eyes darken as he squeezed once before going back to resting it there. 

“Not gonna last long, baby.” He whispered as he lined his member up with your entrance.  

“Don’t care just need to feel you. Can cum inside - on contraception.” You stated desperately, the words seemed to make him beyond enthusiastic. 

He slid inside you, stretching you a little leaving a slight burn in its wake but you relished in it. You’d never felt so full, it was bliss. Your arms around him, dragging your nails down his back with enough force he groaned into your ear. 

“You feel so good.” He moaned deeply into your neck as he left a small bite there. 

“Fuck me, Bucky.” You pleaded as you left small kisses trailing down his face until you finally got to his lips, bringing him in for a heated kiss. 

He began thrusting in and out of your heat, grunting and groaning into your mouth as you battled for dominance. You knew you’d hand it over in an instant but the little battle you were having was spurring him to go faster and deeper. 

His metal hand was still on your throat as he completely took over your every sense. You could feel yourself building again, you’d never came from penetration before, but you felt so good right now. You whimpered into the kiss before pulling away to look into his eyes. 

“Bucky.” You moaned quietly as his thrusting became stuttered. You began thrusting your hips inwards as you felt you peak nearing once again. 

“Cum with me, Y/N.” He groaned as he stared into your eyes. 

With a few more well times thrusts from both parties, you both came together, clinging to one another as you both rode out your orgasms. Bucky finally stilled as he stared down at you with a new emotion that you hadn’t ever seen in his face, but you decided at that moment it was the prettiest face you’d ever seen. 

“You’re going to steal my heart, Sergeant Barnes.” You whispered breathlessly against his lips as your eyes flickered between his lips and eyes. 

“I’ll keep it safe.” He replied sweetly as he seemed to catch his breath back. 

Bucky tried to clean you but you stated you’d need to pee anyway, so you didn’t get a UTI which he understood. He slid his boxers on after giving himself a wipe as you finally finished and ran back to bed in his white shirt that had been discarded on the floor. 

“You look tiny in my clothes.” He chuckled as he pulled you into his arms the second you were on the bed. 

You let out a giggle as you snuggled into his chest happily. This was more than you could ever ask for, this man had worked his way into your thoughts and life like he was always supposed to be there. And you didn’t have a single complaint. 

“Night, Buck.” You whispered as he pulled the covers over both of you. 

“Night, Doll.” He replied softly as he pressed a kiss to your hair. 

********* 

It was sometime in the early morning when the sound of broken whimpers dragged you from your slumber. You sat up, grogginess still resonating as you glanced down at Bucky was gripping the sheets in a deadly grip. You immediately knew what this was. Your father had PTSD after 10 years of serving his country and you knew what a night terror looked like.  

You knew you shouldn’t wake him because he could get violent especially if you touched him. So, you decided to get up and make coffee. It was 6am which was an acceptable time, so you got out of bed despite wanting desperately to wake him up. 

You walked to the kitchen and began preparing the coffee machine. Once everything was prepped you started the machine and made you way to the bedroom with no intention of being quiet. You dug around your closet for a pair of joggers that used to be your brothers that you figured would fit before turning around. 

“Babe!” You shouted towards the bed but there was no change. 

You glanced down at his face that was still scrunched in a pained face and you decided you didn’t care if he hurt you, you couldn’t leave him like that.  

You decided a gentle approach might work so you slipped into bed and began kissing his naked chest. It was around the time you pressed one just under his ear his whimpers of pain turned into needy groans.  

“Doll?” He groaned as you nibbled in ear lobe before pulling away. 

“Morning, Buck, coffees on.” You giggled as he arms wrapped around you. 

“It’s still early baby what are you doing up?” He asked softly since you’d only had 3 hours of sleep.  

“You we’re having a night terror, but I knew I shouldn’t wake you cos obviously it’s dangerous but you wouldn’t wake up even when I stomped around the house like an elephant. So, I kissed you awake.” You replied gently hoping not to make him feel bad. 

“I’m so sorry, Doll.” He muttered as he sat up, staring at bed with a scowl on his face. 

“My dad served for 10 years. He finally retired when I was in high school…but he still has some night terrors even now.” You supplied before taking his metal hand in yours. 

“It’s normal to have them when you were forced to do things you didn’t want to do, Buck. I don’t mind I just hate that you have to suffer through them.” You whispered sadly as you climbed into his quilt covered lap. 

“You’re too sweet to me Doll.” He muttered shyly into your chest; his head buried completely in your breast.  

You ran your fingers through his short hair making him sigh happily as his waist wrapped around you tightly. He eventually pulled away his eyes boring into yours as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. 

“How did I get so lucky?” He chuckled as you preened from the compliment. 

“It’s not luck. I think I was made for you.” You whispered jokingly making him roll his eyes. 

“Mmm, that would make sense.” He laughed as you climbed off his lap. 

“I found you some of my brother's joggers for you.” You stated as you passed him the joggers. 

“Thank you, Doll. I’m surprised you don’t want me gone yet. We practically spent a full 24 hours together.” He laughed as he stepped out the bed and slid into the comfy pants. 

“You’re very goo-” 

Suddenly your phone was blowing up with notifications from messages and Google alerts that told you when something was published about you. You glanced down at the newest article but this one actually brought a smile to your face.  

“What’s going on?” He asked cautiously as he glanced over your shoulder. 

‘Secretly sweeter than Cap?’ Was the caption written across the New York Times digital paper today.  

‘It appears our most hated avenger may be our new favourite. James was seen with our favourite sci-fi author at the market yesterday morning buying fruit when a bike almost ran her over and according to my sources was quickly spun out of harms way by the Sergeant himself. (How very rom-com of you, Mr Barnes.) Later that morning the couple was spotted talking to a fan of Y/N’s and even taking pictures with her. (Picture below.) 

Now as I was editing this article it came to my attention that they were also found to have gone dancing later that day which was apparently filmed by one of the Sergeants few fans. (Link below)  

This may be our new favourite couple. We wish you the best Ship/Name!’ 

You couldn’t believe it finally people were warming to him, and you couldn’t be happier. You glanced at him to see his eyes widened but you could see a small smile forming on his lips. As he glanced at the pictures that had been taken of you both. 

“I like these pictures.” He stated seriously making you giggle. 

That’s when Bucky’s phone started going off. He quickly answered the phone before putting it on speaker as soon as he knew it was Steve. 

“You didn’t come home last night.” He said first making you giggle again which you tried to cover up with your hand. 

“On the first date, Bucky?” Steve whispered like it was beyond scandalous. 

“It’s the 21st century, Cap!” You huffed as you began walking to the kitchen, Bucky following you closely behind.  

“Yes, I’m aware. Times have changed.” He grumbled rather childishly. 

“Don’t be sad, Cap. You need to loosen up. Get laid.” You teased making Bucky laugh whole heartedly as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. 

“I’m done with this conversation. Have a good day we’ve got no work today so come back whenever.” He groaned with what you imagined was an eye roll. 

“Oh, I will definitely have a good day. Bye, Steve.” Bucky chuckled as he brought you in for a heated kiss. 

“Let’s get you fed and some coffee then we’re going back to your bedroom.” He growled playfully making you flush softly. 

“Yes, Sergeant.” You moaned against his lips before running to get coffee as Bucky started cooking. 

You could get used to this. 

[baileyblethen]

COMPENDIUM OF A MADMAN

Preface:

Desmos, the Greek name for shackled, is how I have often felt. It is only in writing this tale that I can feel the bonds loosen unto snapping. For, my life has been near to Phaethon’s journey. Emerging from a semi-hedonistic youth entwined with vague Catholic guilt, to eventually arriving on the platform of doubt, a stop before my way to truth. For, as with Iris, the beauty of the rainbow leaves me in wonder, and I can confidently affirm that wonder has given me closure. This tale is the truth, just from one side, mine. I do not attempt to hide any bias, for another’s story is not mine to tell. As with my real life, the story is turbulent, for in the beginning you find a youth disturbed, grasping for what he believes dearest. Pains and joys are found, but from both he does that which Ovid had his cast do, change. To metamorphose as a man is not a quick or easy affair. The trials and tribulations of life often seem to stymie the change, or even more often, sink you back further into your original state. Being twenty-eight at the time of writing this preface may mean that I undergo many more changes in my life, as long as it goes; but while it does I shall strive to align all towards what I truly seek. That is what this tale attempts to tell, a story of grasping beyond the passion driven and intemperate self, to find something sustaining, which not only sustains, but breathes life in return. Yet, ambiguous language is dangerous, so frankly the tale shows Bailey begin to ascertain the truth of life, and realize that there is a worthy life within this sphere. Contrary to Jacques Maritain, I may not have a habitus, and this may detract from the tale and attempt at art, as for especially with the beginning, it tells the story of a life lacking virtue. Yet, as Jacques Maritain, I seek to make perfect that which I create in its own image. And to do so I must be honest. Honesty for me includes creating how I recall my own life into my work, which will riddle or enhance the journey with allusion. However, I seek not to simply give an autobiography, or a dull recounting of my life. For if I were to simply retell it, I, myself would lose attention fast and label myself as an outcast sinner. I do not have the imagination to produce fantasy, but what I lay on these pages satisfies me, for it is as it was, and exacting replications can be left to the naturalists and biographers. It is also vital to emphasize that what is written is not any attempt at a progressive history, or guide in any sort of ethics. No, I believe I would be one of the poorest guides, and what I have poured out in these pages is a plea. A plea to think on the good life, as well as the bad. There is no answer given, only prompts which one may form on his own. I was born into a faith but had never embraced it, and even rebelled in some manner, until I started to become faithful, which to this day I find myself still becoming. This is evident in the writing itself, for answers were waning when I began this novella, yet I still sought to find the best of life. And now at the end of the book, I like to think of myself as a very bad Christian, but I still try. And I do sincerely hope that one day I may in good conscience write a redeeming sequel to this novella, if I am ever held fast by virtue. So Christians, atheists, agnostics, and all, you have every right to find fault with my tale, but I will hold fast to it, for what has been done can not be undone. The uplifting part I find is that what unfolds beyond this page is the chance to reflect, and perhaps there will be others who enjoy, as I do, evaluating actions and beliefs, so as to adopt, or even perfect ones learned. Looking back helps me move forward, and only then am I happy in the present, and perhaps the eternal.

I am now thirty and looking to promote my book. This piece has been for me the most honest introspection I have ever done, which prompts me to wish to share this, and hopefully has some merit to the insights found within.

It is currently free for kindle and the paperback is for sale here: https://www.amazon.com/Compendium-Madman-Bailey-Blethen/dp/B0BT6V58SM/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=54JQN47XBH4Y&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.EixqhUr1p5LCgz7S4bIxPJbiIxd5ox6pLxjG0384pXM.x6U6I6JzYvFo-vkP-C81K3Ae9sriPc52GanSAIhorF4&dib_tag=se&keywords=compendium+of+a+madman&qid=1717697114&sprefix=%2Caps%2C116&sr=8-1

[abby118]

Tagging

I see people complaining about Tumblr's search systems not working, and that's fair if you don't know the rules (I don't know all of them either), but one little tip I can give you is that, sometimes, simply looking up a tag on your blog shows you less posts than if you were to click on said tag on your blog and browse it that way. That's how you get all of the results. Also, when tagging, make sure the most important ones for general searches are the first three and for blog searches the first five. If you create a problematic tag, more often than not, it does hide the entire post from your searches, meaning it won't come up even when you search it using one of its other tags (or the post's words). When I can't find something, the method that never fails is to go through archives. If it's a text post, then that's fairly easy- you click on the text post filter and search a word from your post (not a tag! you can't do that with the in-built browser search, only the archive search). Remember, the result is only for the posts you see on your screen so you need to scroll -> refresh the search -> scroll etc. It won't always highlight the word for you, or better said, you won't always see it, and in that case, it means it is there but not in the post's preview (the preview is small; it can't fit everything in it).

Photos are more difficult to find but it is possible if you use the right tags to organise them. As in, don't just tag under the general tag, create subtags.

Asks tend to be notoriously hidden for some unknown reason (not for everyone though) so I'd say don't even bother tagging them (if that is your case) unless you plan to have the ask tag in your featured tags for archive search purposes*, or you're happy with the few that do come up, because not all of them will come up on your blog search (but featuring the tag is unnecessary because it is in the post types already). However, unlike in the app, you can set the Ask post filter without specifying a tag on your blog's search in the browser (just like you would in your archive).

*the tags you can filter by in your archive are the ones you had set as featured tags. If you can't find a tag there, add it to your featured. If you don't have them set, tumblr will pick them for you based on what you post the most.

Don't ask me about searches beyond your blog (the "search all of tumblr" ones). I'm not even sure staff knows what's happening there.

And lastly, capital letters make no difference (Abc = abc = ABC). They're a matter of personal preference. However, spaces matter (abc def is not the same as abcdef.....think of fan art and fanart for example).

update: this post & this post

[gaylordscooter]

Log of the Multiverse: Cross and XChara

Cross and XChara (usually referred to as just "Chara") both hail from Xtale, an au that's fallen into ruin ever since the creator, XGaster, was contained.

I was shocked to find out that the creator was one of the characters in their universe, but Ink told me he was a false creator, as he was merely a puppet to the true creator that lies beyond our realm and comprehension. It's like how a meta character in a piece of fiction can be written to act "aware", but it's still being written by somebody. Ain't that weird?

Don't think about that for too long.

So Xtale was kinda an empty void after XGaster was taken care of—that's the fault of Cross who killed like, all of his friends (but xpapyrus was the one who killed basically everyone else. GEEZ i couldn't imagine my brother killing a fly! hurting a fly definitely. but killing?? yeesh) and then absorbed xfrisk's soul because he thought he'd be able to OVERWRITE (<- a mechanic their world has where you can basically do whatever the hell you want, or something) his world turned out he couldn't do that sooo.

yeah he was NOT happy about losing his world (and somewhat playing a part in its downfall)

and also xchara's linked to frisk's soul for some reason. so he kinda just had xchara haunting him for awhile.

Luckily! Ink, Dream and I were able to help Cross cope through his loss!

It took so much time. like so much.

He eventually came to accept his world would never come back, but he got an idea. Since his universe couldn't be repaired to what it was before, why not create something new? Of course he couldn't create new people but after learning there were more people that have lost their homes like him (and me) he thought: why not make this place a safe haven for people like him?

Ink encouraged him. He was Very enthusiastic about it actually, he even helped with decorating the place (as in he painted every building. and all the scenery).

Of course, Cross isn't like Dream and Ink, who can sense negativity or when someone's world is destroyed, so those two tend to give him a heads up on where to go (or they just drop people off themselves)

At first we've just been calling it "Xtale" but obviously the place has changed drastically so we decided to call it something else.

unfortunately somehow all of us (even the ARTIST) weren't able to come up with that creative of a name and settled for calling it "the hub"

Now, I didn't forget about XChara, they were getting tired of having to haunt Cross all the time, so I decided to take up a little project.

And by me, I mean I asked Alphys (from a post-pacifist undertale au, we're buddies. yes i'm allowed to be friends with her because they're no longer following the game's script) to help me make a robot body. i made a prototype that ended up being completely non-functional. so alphys kindly made a complete one that WAS functional for me. even though i insisted she didn't need to do that but she said she enjoyed doing it and that i would've popped blood vessels i didn't have if i kept trying to make one (she's right. i was never that big of an engineer)

so the hard part was separating cross and chara. except it WASNT because their souls are WEIRD and i literally just wrenched their pieces apart like lego pieces it was crazy. unfortunately they still only have half of each of their souls. but hey, they can live just fine like that! they're just not as strong as they would be.

well, mainly in cross's case. chara has a cool robot body now that's loaded with defense.

So anyway, yeah! That's about it.

Pretty happy outcome for these guys, despite all the hardships of course.

But I heard from Ink, in this other multiverse this thing called the "X-Event" occurs. It sounded pretty rough from what I remember. But fortunately our Ink isn't like the one in that multiverse! He's too much of a softy

[rattys-prinxiety-countdown]

HE'S FINALLY DONE! This would have been posted hours ago but the day got away from me and I needed to catch up. Presenting the one, the only, Intruality fusion Cox! (Thank you to @frogsandsquids for the name recommendation, I hope you like it!)

Intruality is admittedly not a ship I know a lot about, or initially one I liked very much. At the start of creating this fusion, I had no idea how to mesh a character I adore (Remus) with one I don't really care for (Patton). I gave it my all to figure out what worked, and what didnt 😩. I started with trying to do a something that leaned into a creepy/cute aesthetic (Sort of like Melanie Martinez if you know her vibe??) but then my friends thought I should try to lean more into a "Sexy Dad" aesthetic, so it got scrapped, and I restarted. Two more times. (HUGE thanks to my friend Miles, who let me bounce ideas off them for hours before I settled on what became the final product.)

Beyond the designing nightmare, this took way longer than it should have (9 hours) but I have a good excuse. I was testing new skills and trying new things during this process. This was the first time I tried giving my art a thicker outline to make it pop. Also, this was the first time I made a piece where I had to add "layers of clothing" to the base layer. Click more to see what I mean

BOOM! Hes a jester!

This is Cox (He/They). This fusion has a love for jokes, pranks, and above all, baking (who cares if only 10 percent of the time the recipe goes according to plan, we're measuring with our HEARTS, and NOT with the recipe cards!)

Thanks again to my friend Miles, I got some ideas for how this fusion behaves. One may think the fusion would be a little sexual or even flirtatious, but anything Cox comes up with goes through the Patton-Pending Dad™ filter. He's very affectionate, and unfortunately, can be little overbearing/annoying without realizing it. He constantly deflects with humor, and is a little self deprecating, but they're working on it and doing a hell of a job.

Lets talk about the mask. (This gets a little heavy and I do apologize for that)

It was initially going to stay bunny ears until Miles+CO. talked me out of it. The mask is literal. Cox uses it to mask himself, and put out a very bubbly "Patton-like" persona. He choses to keep the "less happy, family friendly" part of himself away from view while Patton and Remus work on it from the inside. They enjoy the quiet time they get while baking, and it gives the Remus inside Cox to experiment with some less than ideal recipes.

There's so much I still want to say I'm just forgetting. I will point out that Miles hasn't even seen Sanders Sides, all the information they got (and by extension, the ideas they passed onto me) were given from the Sanders Sides Wikis 😭 he took the time out of his day to research Sanders Sides lore and I'm so appreciative of it. They also sketched an idea for their own Intruality fusion, but admittedly its got an incredibly angsty, dark theme and I dunno if he's ok with me sharing it.

I'll be working on the analogical fusion next! It will be here soon-ish!

Ps: I went digging for some intruality fusions to gain ANY sort of inspiration for this, and instead found tons and tons of fanart. I came out of this understanding the appeal of the ship a lot more and *dramatic sigh* woe is me,,,, i ship them now 🤭