#and in case you're wondering

[rays-of-fire-and-ice]

Blue

Rating: K+/General with moderate themes

Setting: First during the Thousand Year Blood War arc and the rest is during the ten-year timeskip.

Synopsis: Momo comes to a realization during the ten years of peace.

AN: here we have the winner of the last poll; thank you again to everyone who voted! This was a surprisingly hard fic to write, but I still enjoyed it. For those reading An Unwavering Light, chapter updates will resume in the second week of July, so keep an eye out for chapter 8 then!

This is a companion piece for To Know Love, a fic in which Toshiro comes to realize his feelings for Momo over the course of several years (and you'll spot a scene or two from that fic here ;D). Now it's Momo's turn to do the same! You'll also see elements of To Give you Shelter and It's Been a While, but you don't have to ready those fic to understand this one.

Finally, did I name this after the Yung Kai song of the same name? Yes I did. Did I listen to said song while writing this fic? Surprisingly not, but it suits most of this fic after the first scene, so I recommend listening to it while you read.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this one!

_____________________________

At Shinji’s wince, Momo adjusted her hand around his back and hefted his uninjured arm around her neck. With a grunt, she rose took him up with her. Tiny pieces of debris fell from her hair and tumble down to her feet. Her balance became tenuous when her gaze returned to the threat looming over them.

She could barely breathe, but wasn’t sure if it’s because of an injury to her torso or from the fear sinking in that their enemy could turn around. The Visoreds were losing to Gerard, meaning it was only a matter of seconds – or minutes if they’re lucky – before he saw them.

The giant swung his arm out, batting all the Visoreds into nearby buildings. Momo’s labored breaths ceased; she couldn’t even muster a gasp. He’s going to see us, she thought, her grip on her captain become white-knuckled. What should I do? Which kido -- ?

He said something she hadn’t heard over her own thoughts, but she saw him raise his fist and plunge it down. Before she could wonder what he was going to do, she let out a choked wheeze at the ice that froze Gerard’s arm and the pillar of it that had materialized out of nowhere. She searched for him, head turning in all direction until she spotted him. He’s a tiny figure from where she stood, but there was no denying that Toshiro was on top of the pillar, facing Gerard.

She barely listened to their conversation, can only hear the thumping of her heart in her ears. How had he gotten here? She’d heard Tenth wouldn’t be coming to the Palace. Why was he dressed in white? Where was Rangiku?

Then, without warning, the Quincy brought his shielded arm down. Chunks of ice and debris went flying through the air, and Toshiro was a streak of white darting past Gerard’s head. He got behind the Quincy, sailing through the air, but just as he’s about to start falling, Hyourinmaru’s wings and tail form, and with a powerful flap, he threw himself away and cast a flurry of ice over the giant's torso and head.

The plume of ice is swiped away by Gerard’s shielded arm, only for Toshiro to cast another blizzard upon their enemy.

Momo's stomach twisted while he twirled through the sky. She utters her nickname for him, and something blazed in her. Something tinged with awe at the growth of his power since she last saw him in battle and worry that he has entered a battle.Why is he here? Surely he should’ve gone straight to the Palace to those confronting their enemies there.

Toshiro spun through the sky, dodging an attack from the giant Quincy. It sent him closer towards her. A second, there’s a glimpse of his face before it vanished behind a wing. She couldn’t make out his expression, but she knew his eyes were on her.

He knew she was here.

Something pulsed through her, pressing up against her chest and at the back of her mind. It’s jittery, gave her a renewed energy, but there’s something softer too. Something she nearly mistakes for an anxious skip of her heart -- and given what she’s witnessing, it might very well be. But it's more heartfelt, an echo of something she has felt before...

She snapped out of her reverie when Toshiro created a fresh flurry of ice that strikes Gerard, sending the giant stumbling backward into a row buildings. Toshiro shot forward and cast another attack upon his opponent.

Yes, his opponent. She couldn't do anything to aid him in this fight, not when her captain needed her. She can’t afford to ponder on this sensation, either. So she let it run its course, let it strengthen her steps as she focused on moving her captain to safety.

_________________________

She experienced that sensation again a month later.

Surveying the damage done to the districts Fifth Division was responsible for was something Momo hoped to never do again in her life. However, as painful as it was to see how livelihoods were ruined, it paled in comparison to her determination to help the Souls who were now living in makeshift shelters on the outskirts of the district.

An all too familiar weight had settled into her, slouching her shoulders and making her stare off into nothing when she paused in her work. Still she trudged on, giving instructions to her subordinates or assisting them in clearing debris or setting up shelters for the Souls.

She couldn’t completely ignore her captain’s occasion glance that lingered for longer than necessary, sensing it only when her back was turned. Granted, she noticed she wasn't the only one receiving it. And try as she might to refuse, he insisted she and most others take a lunch break when the early afternoon came.

She didn’t wonder too far, still able to see Shinji and remaining subordinates at work. She came upon a backless bench that had remarkably remained standing despite the destruction. The shop behind it and surrounding builds hadn't been so lucky. The shop's back was half was completely gone, but the front remained, albeit its awning chipped in places and the flag sign tattered to ribbons and only half attached to the entrance. Dust from debris coasted most of the area, including the housewares that had spilled out into the street, mostly broken, from the store's entrance.

She brushed the dust from the bench and sat. It took her a moment to adjust to the stillness. She’d been moving none stop since she left the division barracks that morning.

To work towards bettering the lives of the Souls who lived her, she’d convinced herself. To distract yourself, a more cynical side whispered right after.

Momo shook her head and reclined until her back touched the shop’s wall. Her gaze left her subordinates and landed on the broken items near her feet. She toed a shard of something ceramic; the dust couldn't hide that it was painted with yellow Japanese kerria flowers dotted across a bright blue background.

Staring at the fragment, she could almost see what this area used to look like. She could imagine residents walking in front of the shop, a few going in to inspect the housewares for sale. Maybe a couple came out with a set of bowls and plates for their new home. A child came out with a new toy. A man turned his nose up at woven basket, only to be taken by a wooden one with intricate carvings of crashing waves on all sides. Another man passed him, grinning with his newly purchased vase painted blue with yellow flowers, planning to gift to someone dear to him.

She picked up the shard, then scanned the rubble for any others like it. She spotted one only a few feet away, half buried. She rose and plucked it out before returning to her seat. She tried to piece them together, but it was obvious they didn’t fit. She put them aside, got on her knees, and dug through the ruins for more.

She found a few other shards, all of which ended up on the bench, but came to a stop when a sharper piece scratched the side of thumb. She winced and immediately cradled her hand. A bead of blood rose up on one end, but it wasn’t deep. If anything, much like a paper cut, it was more annoying than painful.

Momo came back to bench and considered performing a kido to mend it. It was hardly worth it, especially in light of all the injuries she healed during and after the war. She never wanted to see that much blood ever again.

“What’re you doing?”

She jolted and let out a startled yelped. She whipped her head to the right. “H-Hitsugaya-kun!”

The corners of Toshiro’s lips fell deeper and he shook his head. “‘Captain Hitsugaya. It’s not that --”

“When did you get here?! I didn’t see you! Did you sneak up on me again?!”

“You really need to work on your awareness." He unfolded his arms from his sleeves. “You didn’t answer my question.”

She was far too indignant to comply. “Well, you didn’t answer mine either! Why do have to sneak up on me like that?!”

He snorted. “First of all, I didn't sneak up on you. Why would I do something so childish?" He jerked his thumb in the direction of her captain and subordinates. "And second, I arrived here about five minutes ago. Matsumoto and I were on our way back from surveying North District Thirty-Nine.”

Sure enough, there was Rangiku, speaking with Shinji and Fifth Division's new Third Seat. Her captain and subordinates were further away then when she last saw them.

“I see…” She returned her attention to Toshiro. “And to answer you, I’m on a break. Though, maybe I should get back to work, I must have been here longer than I realized.”

Yet she didn’t move. She kept staring at him, but he turned his gaze to her hand. It took everything in her not to hide it and risk drawing his attention to small cut on her thumb, but he was quick to shift his gaze to the ceramic fragments laying on the bench by her side.

The longer neither of them went without saying anything, the more self-conscious Momo got. Eventually, she gestured to the debris on the ground. “I was trying to find all the pieces. I thought maybe I could put it back together, or at least find all the pieces, I guess.”

It sounded lame to her own ears, but it softened something in Toshiro’s. A bit of tension left him, his shoulders lowering and his frown a fraction less narrow.

“Trust you to spend your break doing something like that,” he said.

She frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He let out a humorless snort as he came closer. “It means you never stop working.”

Realizing he intended to sit on the bench, Momo scooted over and put the pieces over to her other side. She brushed the dust away and didn't notice the tiny flicker of a smirk that briefly touched Toshiro lips. Once clear, Toshiro sat down and let out a labored sigh. She couldn’t blame him, with all his responsibilities weighing on him. Whatever she felt, he must have felt tenfold.

"How are you?" she asked, trying to muster up a smile. "I haven't seen you since the meeting last week."

"We're still surveying the damage, but we're progressing as scheduled. Although..." His eyes became hooded. "We've found two officers that were missing."

The implication that went unsaid made Momo's heart clench. "I'm sorry."

Toshiro said nothing, only rubbing one hand over the other. Alongside the surveying and repairs, discovering the fates of subordinates had been another heavy weight on Momo's mind.

She had seen the toll it took on her own captain. He didn't smile as much as he usually did, and she never thought she'd miss his too wide, too toothy grin. Whenever they had to speak about the plan for each shrine, his voice would get low and solemn. When she expressed guilt for not doing more for their fallen subordinates, he confided in her that even at his age and with all his experience, times like these never got easier. She wondered if there was comfort to be found in his words that she is not alone in her experience, or dread that it never stopped having an impact.

Looking at Toshiro, she wondered if he had similar conversations with Rangiku. If he felt as Shinji did.

“I wish there was more time in the day. There’s so much to do.” She hadn't meant for it to come out like a resigned, nearly helpless admission. She needed to help these Souls. She had to coordinate and oversee the reconstruction of their homes and businesses. She had to ensure her division morale didn’t drop. She had to plot the graves of her fallen officers. She had to mourn for them. She had to get past this day and all the weight it had thrown on to her, only to do the same again tomorrow.

She sniffed, and it’s only then she realized she was holding back a sob.

“Hinamori?”

She pressed her fist to her mouth before she looked at Toshiro. He tilted his head, his brow furrowing deeper in concern. It’s an oddly soft thing, almost endearing. She couldn’t help but smile, even if it was a wobbly one. “I'm sorry, Captain Hitsugaya. I suppose I'm more tired than I realised."

"Shouldn't you be resting then?"

She'll never understand how anyone in the Junrinan never saw his kindness. Perhaps it would've taken time for him to express it more openly if he'd stayed, but it had always been a part of him in the smaller ways. The thought of their childhood made her remember what she used to do. Maybe it was the deep-seated weariness or wanting a moment away from everything before her, but she decided to try.

"Well, I can't go back just yet, so, um..." She gazed at his shoulder. “Can I, uh…Can I rest here for a little while?”

His brows shot up at that. He must’ve been wondering, When was the last time she asked me to do that? She shouldn’t recall either, but it must have been before she went to the Academy. Or had she done it after they reconciled? That day was such a blur of emotions, it’s likely she had.

He hazarded a glance at Shinji and her subordinates in the distance. Then, with a sigh, he shuffled around until he pointedly offered her his shoulder.

“It’s really okay if you don’t want to.”

“It’s fine, Hinamori.”

She still hesitated, but he offered her that smile. The small one, and combined with the softer furrow in his brow, it reminded her how close they really are.

She scooted until their knees bumped off each other. She slowly laid her head on his shoulder, giving him another chance to back out if he wanted to. She smiled ruefully when he didn’t. Any display of affection made him tense up – she could sense it now when he crossed his arms into his sleeves -- and yet he was still willing to do this for her.

Being this close to him, his reiatsu enveloped her, as gentle and cold as snow. She’s always found it comforting, and it’s one of the few things that remained a constant throughout her life. To have something so familiar like this in a time where things were so uncertain, she hoped the other Souls she needed to help their safe harbors too.

"About before...I let myself get carried away with unnecessary things,” Momo admitted.

 “Like what?” Toshiro asked.

“Thoughts that don’t help.”

His chin brushed the top of her head, his gaze shifting to shards at her side. “I’m sure they’re not unnecessary.”

Candid as always, but also more thoughtful than usual.

Momo lowered her gaze to her lap. “I’m not so sure. Isn’t it better to act than to think in times like this? If one sits and ponders, nothing gets done.”

“I didn’t say otherwise. But if one only acts, they aren’t considering their actions, aren’t they?”

She knew he didn’t mean it as a jab, but she couldn’t help but recall her actions during the Ryoka invasion. She took up two of the shards and tried to piece them together. They didn’t fit. “I suppose so, yes.”

Perhaps sensing her unease, he continued, “Knowing you, you’re thinking of necessary things. Strategic, considered things that a lieutenant needs to think about.” He took one of the pieces from her hand and fitted it to another edge of the shard she held. It still didn’t fit. “But also things others wouldn’t expect you to think about. We were told at the Academy to protect our friends and fellow Shinigami, but you…” He cast his gaze downward and pressed his lips together.

She didn’t understand why he trailed off. She didn't press him, even though a part of her desperately wanted to. She returned her attention to the two pieces between them. rather then take the shard off him, she lifted another from the pile. She put appeared to fit, the patterns on both pieces didn't match. Still, she tried to take it as a small win. She listed her head upward, hoping it to see Toshiro smile at how silly it was, but he kept his head bowed. She rested them back in the pile.

"I try to remind myself that one day everything will be better," she admitted. "It's hard to see it now with how things are, but it has to be, one day. And I know that doesn't happen unless we act everyday without fail."

He raised his head, but still said nothing.

She remembered him soaring through the sky. “I never thanked you for saving Captain Hirako and I.”

“You don’t need to. Someone had to take that giant down.” He huffed. “Although, in the end, that didn’t really happen.”

“You still kept him distracted until the Captain and I escaped.” She brushed her hand over his hand. “Thank you, Hitsugaya-kun.”

He murmured something she couldn’t make out. She raised her head from his shoulder and was about to question him, but is rendered speechless his hand winds around hers. She was too surprised to reciprocate. Since when did he reach for hand like this? And why was is his palm slightly warmer than usual?

“H-Hitsugaya-kun?”

“Remember to think about yourself as well, Hinamori.”

Then, without warning, he pulls his hand away and stands. Stupefied, she could only watch him hastily walk back over to Rangiku and Shinji. She came out of her daze when her captain turned to see Toshiro approaching, then saw her far behind him. He waved, and she shakily waved back.

It hit her then. She lowered her hand, the one he’d held. The cut was gone. He used kido.

The sensation this time was not a pulse, but something softer, like a butterfly flapping it's wings. It caused heat to rise up the back of her neck and blotches of red to bloom from her cheeks to the tips of her ears. She watched her captain and Toshiro speak before he and Rangiku departed a minute later.

Once she was certain the redness had dulled and her heart had calmed, she returned to Shinji and her subordinates, forgetting about the shards on the bench.

_________________________

Momo had only witnessed him train in the rain two times in her life, but her third time came just over a year after war ended.

She’d come upon him while rushing back to her Division after a day’s work in the Rukongai. He was in one of the joint training grounds on the perimeter of the Seireitei, between the edge of a treeline behind him and the backs of Third Division on opposite side far away in the distance. He’d released Hyourinmaru into his shikai state, with the chain attached to the end of the sword in his hand. He attacked and parried around a training dummy with his weapon and shikai abilities. With every step the ground turned to slushy mud beneath his feet, but he kept going as if it were dry.

Momo watched from Third Division, an awning sheltering her where her umbrella didn’t. She should leave or make herself know, but she became entranced by his movements. He always trained better and fought better in the rain, it seem to bring the best out of him. He moved with a grace and effortlessness that belied the fierceness of his strikes. His reiatsu was lighter but reached out further in the air around them, more like a fog than the blizzard it often was in battles. Even when he spun the chain in wide circles before throwing it to entrap the training dummy, it was as if he were casting out something much lighter than a metal chain.

It was as if being out in the downpour made him at one with the element he wields, making him as fluid and light as rain.

She did a double take when he stopped. He huffed as if fatigued but didn’t hunched over as one might expect from a long training session. She tried to ignore the growing heat in her cheeks, embarrassed to have gotten so caught up in watching him. She wanted to turn and leave, pretend she never saw him and make sure he didn’t see her, but it felt wrong, especially since he was very clearly soaked to the bone. What if he caught a cold?

Shaking her head to regain her composure, she came out form her shelter and held up her umbrella. Her rushed steps slapped into the mud and caught his attention. He peered over his shoulder, and he blinked at seeing her.

“Hinamori?”

Being this close, his appearance caught her off guard. His eyes were more green than blue, his skin was a shade paler, and though his hair was sodden, the raindrops merely caused his bangs to bounce rather than forcing them to be plastered to his forehead. Rivulets ran down the sides of his face and neck and beats of rain clung to the edge of his jaw.

The rain really does bring out the best in him.

She nearly choked at the thought, but she couldn’t stop the flush burning in her face. It was made worse when Toshiro caught her staring

"Hi, uh..." She forced her mouth shut, not trusting herself to speak coherently.

He raised a brow. "You really can't say 'Captain Hitsugaya' can you?"

That unglued her. "Of course I can! Hello, Captain Hitsugaya!"

He smirked. "Hi, Hinamori."

She let out a huff. "It's been a while, huh?"

"Yeah." Toshiro jerked his chin at her umbrella. “What kind of parasol is that?”

“Oh, this?” She brought it over both of their heads. “I was confused when I first saw it too. It’s an umbrella. Captain Hirako bought one for me when he went to the World of the Living recently.”

“And it’s meant to shelter you from the rain?”

Momo nodded and pointed up. “Yeah, see? It’s not bad, I quite like it.”

Toshiro blinked up at the umbrella, more perplexed than impressed. Still, she took him not stepping out from beneath its shelter as a small victory.

“What’re you doing out here?” he asked “I thought you’d be in the Rukongai today.”

“I was this morning. I'm on my way back to the barracks for a break and to get a few more officers to join us.” She gave a rueful chuckle. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your training, sorry.”

He said nothing, only looking off to the side with noncommittal grunt.

“How long have you been out here?” she asked.

He wiped away a new rivulet that nearly streamed down into his eye. “A few hours.”

“Are you making sure you don’t get rusty?” she half teased. “There’s been little conflict in the last few years, I don’t blame you if you are.”

Any humor drained from his face, the corners of his lips falling and his gaze hardening. “We can never be too sure. We’re still doing reconstruction, so there’s no telling if an enemy will attack us while we’re weakened.”

She should’ve known he would be skeptical about the tenuous peace that seemed to have fallen over the Seireitei. It hadn’t occurred to her at first, too caught up in the uncertainty of everything and trying to help the Souls in the Rukongai. It wasn’t until Shinji commented how quickly they went through incident reports for the past month. There was a time one report could take them three days to finish reviewing and signing off on. Now, they held so little detail about conflicts in the Rukongai and World of the Living.

Unsure how to respond, Momo could only offer a wane smile. That seemed to trouble him, because his brow furrowed deeper and his gaze flickered to the ground.

She was about to assure him, when the rain came down harder and practically smacked against her umbrella. She yelped in surprise while Toshiro squinted up at the sky, only mildly confused about the sudden change in the downpour.

“Well, even so, maybe you should come inside,” Momo suggested, raising her voice over the rain. “I don’t see how you can train in weather like this.” She gestured to his uniform “Not only that, you’re soaked and its lunch time. I’m guessing you haven’t had anything to eat since this morning.”

His deadpan gaze told her everything, and it gave her a bit of gumption to continue. “I have leftover riceballs from this morning we can share.”

_________________________

Even a scarf of all things could trigger it.

Momo had wondered store to store in his District and nothing had jumped out at her. He always liked practical gifts of sentimental or decorative ones.

That led her to standing in front of the display rack for too long, trying to decide which garment to buy him. There was the scarf that was plain cobalt blue, but also the one that was grey with a white fanning pattern on it, and she couldn’t overlook the dark green woolen one with cable knit pattern.

It shouldn't matter, but she wanted it to be right. It reminded her of previous years when she'd bought him a gift. It's oddly nostalgic, and it felt good to worry about something so small for once.

She winced. She shouldn't really be here, but this was Shinji's idea. She wondered what he thought was so important that the two them needed to leave their Third seat in charge of operations for the day.

“Looking pretty intense there.”

She jolted and spun around. As if she had summoned him, there her captain stood. She managed a smile. “Ah, sorry, sir! Just trying to make a decision.”

He raised a brow and came up to her side. He had a box under his arm and narrowly missed elbowing a Soul looking at the display rack next to them. She was surprised he hadn’t instead bought another new accessory – like the sunglasses from last time or gloves from the time before that.

“What’s that?” she asked.

“Found a new teapot. Ya know, to replace the one I broke.”

Momo kept her smile in place, but the corner of her mouth twitched. Surely this isn't the reason why he wanted to come here. “Yes, that’s right.”

Shinji’s eyes widened. “Oh no…”

“What, sir?”

“You’re still mad at me, huh?”

“We did have that teapot for years, sir.”

“I said I was sorry!”

“I know you are.”

“And you forgave me. Besides” – he hefted up the box – “I went to trouble of buying the Division a new one, with my own funds might I add!”

“…You didn’t have to use your own funds --”

“Yeah, I did. It’s only fair!” Then, quick to change the subject, he pointedly gestured to the scarves. “Now come on! What’s troubling you about these?”

Momo glanced to inside the shop and saw the shopkeeper watching their exchange warily. She sighed through her nose, letting the last of her annoyance go, and turned back to the display rack. “Hitsugaya-kun’s birthday is coming up. I want to buy him a new scarf.”

Shinji tilted his head while looking at the scarves. “Didn’t ya already buy him one a little while back?”

“Yes, but…I don’t know, he seems to like them.”

“Yeah, he does wear them quite a bit in winter. Not in battle anymore, though.” Shinji shrugged. “Probably for the best, they can get worn and be used against you.” He grabbed the end of a bright blue one with a grey and white cloud pattern. “How about this one? Kinda reminds me of him.”

Momo withheld a chuckle and shook her head. “It wouldn’t suit him. It’s too pale and he wouldn’t like how…fluffy it looks.”

Shinji grinned with a snort. “I see you’re putting some thought into this.”

“Of course! It's a birthday gift.”

“Not everyone does. The number of bad birthday gifts I’ve gotten from Hiyori could fill a warehouse.”

She smirked, but doubted that was the case. She picked up two of the scarves she was considering and nodded to the third. “I was thinking about these three. What do you think?”

Shinji rubbed the underside his chin and leaned back as he weighed up the options. Momo didn’t know why she was asking for his opinion – especially when his own sense of fashion was…unique. Maybe she hoped that he'd point to the option that would suit Toshiro the least, letting her decide between two rather than three.

It didn’t take him long to straighten. “I’ve made up my mind.”

“And?”

“It’s up to you.”

“Huh?”

“I’m not as close a friend to him as you. You know what he likes, what he doesn’t like.”

“But I can’t decide!”

“Yes, you can.” At her answering sigh, he clicked his fingers. “Okay, let me put it this way. Which one spoke to ya first?”

She lifted the cobalt scarf. “This one.”

“And why’s that?”

I thought it would bring out his eyes. She bit the inside of her cheek. “I just thought it would suit him.”

Shinji pointed to the other scarves. “Well clearly it wouldn't have been enough, because you also thought about these two as well.”

“Well, this one,” she said, lifting up the green scarf, “was because it looks really warm. It’s also a nice color.” She put it down and took the grey scarf from the display. “And this is…”

The scarf that had been beneath the grey one made her trail off. It's woolen and striped with, navy, cobalt, white, and stormy grey. For an instance, she could clearly picture him wrapping it around his neck and holding one end to inspect the tassels at the ends. That pulse rose up, fluttery and light this time, and warmed her cheeks.

She hung up the other scarves before sliding if off the rack. “This is it.”

“Huh? I thought you said there was only three.”

“I didn’t see this one before,” – she held it out for him to see with a grin – "but it’s perfect!" Then, with an unexpected shyness. "It...speaks to me.”

Shinji waved his hand as if she had given him praise he couldn’t accept. “Well, then, my work here is done. No need to thank me!”

“Honestly, sir!” she chuckled. “Wait here, I’ll go pay for this.”

Her captain's grin wasn't the usual toothy one. It was something more gentle, but she was too excited about her purchase to really question it. She also forgot to ask him why he wanted to go shopping that day.

___________________________

There were times where Momo caught herself thinking back to him soaring through the sky. Sometimes it has after she awoke form a nightmare about her battles against the Quincy, other times it was when she was in presence, and a few times it had been without a trigger, floating up to her mind’s eyes unbidden.

She’d remember that brief glimpse of eyes and the spins and twirls he did to avoid Gerard, and other times she would go on to recall when he came to find her after the battle while still donning his Completed Form. The latter would make her pause and her mouth go dry, but it was the former that made her stop in her tracks.

He'd seen her, had protected her and Shinji. It made her heart soar in the aftermath of the battle, and it made it clench in the present with gratitude and that sensation.

The image of him was crisp and bright in her mind, as if he were the sun -- drawing her gaze but not keeping it for long. Yet the afterimage remained, ingrained deep into her memories.

It not the only one that stayed with her.

She’d shake her head before the thought could go any further, lest she become melancholic. That was always left her confused. That this sensation is similar to another she experienced, and she never wanted to think of her childhood friend in the same breath as the man who betrayed them.

___________________________

Momo halted when she spotted Toshiro with another subordinate. She was around their age, but closer to his height. From where she stood, Momo couldn’t hear what they’re discussing, but it elicits a small smirk from her childhood friend.

The pang that came startled her. She hadn’t felt such a thing since she was trying to become Aizen’s lieutenant and would see him talking with other subordinates about subjects she hardly understood.

She clutches the book she carries to her chest. She made to leave, to deal with this away from him, but she turned and bounced off someone. With a gasp, she nearly smacks her face into the top of her book. “Ah, sorry, please forgi --”

“Hina-chan! What’re you doing here?”

Momo blinked, then looked up. Rangiku grinned as if she hadn’t just walked into her.

“Ah, Rangiku-san! Sorry, I didn’t hear or see you!”

She waved a dismissive hand. “Don’t worry about it.” She’s about to say more but got distracted by something behind her. “Oh, are you here to see the Captain?”

Momo swallowed, her throat suddenly going dry. “Ah, yes, I was, but i-it looks like he’s speaking with someone else.” She makes to move around Rangiku. “I’ll come back later.”

 Rangiku held a hand out in her way. “Wait, hold on.” Her perturbed tone was enough to tell Momo she hadn’t kept her cool as much as she’d hoped. She involuntarily stared up at Rangiku, and her fellow lieutenant found her answer.

“Are you…?” She smacked a hand to her lips. “Oh my, you are, aren’t you?!”

Momo’s whole face heated up in a matter of seconds. She smothered her ‘No way!’ by pressing her mouth into the top of her book.

Rangiku looked like she was about to dissolve into a fit of giggles, but she instead composed herself with a wide grin. “Well, you don’t need to worry. That’s Narita-chan, she’s one of our subordinates and doesn’t see Captain Hitsugaya as more than that. She’s actually really friendly when you talk with her.” At Momo’s affronted look, Rangiku tutted her. “My, my, I never thought I’d see the day you would be jealous of the Captain speaking to another --”

“It’s not like that, Rangiku-san!” Momo hissed. “It’s…”

But it is, and she never thought she’d experience it with Toshiro. Shame flushed through her and she had to duck her head. To think this sensation, which had giving her positive -- albeit confusing --emotions up until this point could also make her feel something so ugly.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Rangiku reassured. “I’ve just never seen you act like this around my Captain.”

“No, it’s not what you think.” It’s exactly what you think, she admitted inwardly. “I’m…worried.”

“About what?”

Momo lifted her head. “It’s been on my mind lately. I hardly see Hitsugaya-kun anymore. I mean, we didn’t spend much time together before, but ever since our battle against the Quincy came to an end, I wanted to change that. I thought we could have more lunch breaks together, maybe even go out to dinner with friends. Of course, we can’t, not when the Soul Society needs to be repaired and we must catch up on our other duties.”

Even if she only admitted it to divert Rangiku, none of what she said was a lie. If anything, it made her feel even more exposed, and forced her to hunch her shoulders a fraction more and lower her head until her bangs fall over her eyes.

Her gaze flickered down to the book. “It worries me that maybe we’re growing distant. Does he still like to read? What are his favorite foods these days? What does he think of Captain Kurotsuchi’s latest technology for the Divisions? Has he visited the Junrinan lately? I don’t know the answer to questions like that – and I don’t have to! I’m not trying to be invasive, not at all! I just worry I don’t know him as well as I used to anymore.��

Rangiku pouted. “And what about me? We don’t hang out like we used to anymore? Don’t you miss me too?”

Momo straightened too rigidly and waved her free hand. “What?! Of course I do, Rangiku-san! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply otherwise!”

Rangiku laughed. “I’m just joking! I know you do.”

Momo wilted, hating how easily she could get riled up by her friend.

Rangiku let out a good-natured sigh. “I can see why you feel that way, though. We’ve been busy for the last four years, and it’s not slowing down. Hasn’t really given us much time to relax with friends, hasn’t it?” She put a hand on Momo’s shoulder. “You don’t have to worry though. You and the Captain will always make the time when you can. He never says it, but I know he always looks forward to seeing you when he can.”

It felt like a light had brightened within her. “He does?”

Rangiku winked and put a finger over her lips. “Don’t tell him I said that. And besides, we both know he’s too stubborn and slow to change. Chances are, he still likes to read and his favorite foods are the same.”

Momo laughs. “You’re probably right.” She smiled ruefully. “Thank you for listening, Rangiku-san.”

“Anytime.” Rangiku glanced behind Momo, then did a double take. She took her hand off Momo’s should and made an affronted gesture. “Have you been staring at us this whole time?”

Momo spun around, and sure enough, Toshiro stood -- now alone -- here she'd last seen him, staring at them. Both of them were too flustered to talk to each other after that, but he thankfully hadn't heard anything she and Rangiku spoke about.

___________________________

Ever since then, Momo tried to ignore the silly way her heart fluttered when she’s around him sometimes.

It’s anxiety, she’d rationalized in the beginning, the reconstruction efforts are tiring and we rarely see each other these days.

That worked at first, but as the months turned into a year, she didn’t want to acknowledge it could be something else. Something she knew too well, and something she could not afford to feel towards anyone right now, let alone him of all Souls.

But it couldn’t be helped when the light hit his eyes at certain angles -- turning the blue-green into a sea green or the color of the sky – or when he’d give her one of those smiles only she seemed to be on the receiving end of.

Then he’d do something that’s so characteristically him – fumble over his words after being teased, spit watermelon seeds into the yard, yell at Rangiku for something trivial she’s done, get flustered by the bento box she’d given him – and she’ll nearly forget all about the way her heart reacted.

It’s him, and she's thankful for that.

___________________________

Momo smelt rain in the air when she stepped out, and the clouds above only encouraged her even more to get her umbrella before she left. She hooked it over her wrist, then adjusted the bag on her shoulder.

“I’ll be back soon, Captain,” she said over her shoulder.

Shinji briefly looked away from the report. “Take your time.”

“I’ll tell pass on your regards too.”

On that solemn note, she left Fifth Division.

Before she even saw the entrance gate, Momo had a familiar vice wrap around her chest. Six years on and they still hadn’t found everyone. Yet they erected graves for them, along those that had been found amongst the ruins.

It’s a pain she still hadn’t fully come to terms with. She sometimes wondered if she ever would. If it was as Shinji had told her, that it’s the kind of thing you carry with you until you left this world.

She shook her head as she approached the entrance. She wasn’t the only one visiting today, there were a few others scattered around the site, either going to or standing in front of shrines or graves. She pressed on, going up the incline until she found the first form her Division.

From her bag, she pulled out a dish and a box of Nashi pear slices. She lit he incense for Hirose’s grave before putting the plate of nashi pear down for her. She spoke to her for a short while, ate the pear, cleared away the brunt down incense sticks, then she stood and went to the next.  An arrangement of flowers for Funai. An unopened bottle of sake for Hoga. The same for Domen. She cleaned the latter two’s graves and pulled out the weeds growing in front of them. They had no families in the Rukongai to do this for them, and Momo lamented that none of her officers had the time to come see them either.

She’d kept herself composed, talking to each of them about what was happening in the division and what everyone was up to. That construction was coming along well, and everyone should soon have more time to come and see them. That their friends and families were all doing well, even if what happened weighed on their minds.

The rain came during her visit to Fujita. It wasn’t sudden, she’d felt a few drops plop on her head earlier. After she stepped away from Fujita's grave, she opened her umbrella and kept going. She had one more left to visit when she came upon Toshiro.

He knelt in front of a grave, tucking blue flowers into a vase. He was still afterwards, head bowed and hands together in prayer. She thought to walk away and leave him be, but stopped when a raindrop hit and extinguished one of the incense sticks. Toshiro finished his prayer and pulled out a box of matches from his sleeve.

Momo approached slowly, not wanting to startle him. He didn’t pay any attention to her until she tipped the umbrella over his head.

He’s more expressive than usual: his eyes wide, the frown gone from his brow, and his voice had the slightest rasp when he uttered, "Hinamori?"

Momo offered a sympathetic smile. “I told you it was handy.”

Toshiro glanced at the umbrella. A weak smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

“Do you need help?” she asked.

He shook his head and struck the match. After he relit the stick, she wondered if she should leave him be or keep the umbrella over him. She could always give it to him. She opens her mouth to make the offer, but it never came out.

The rain dampened his haori and hair, and his reiatsu muted compared to usual. She read the name on the grave: Daiwa Nishio

She didn’t have to ask if this was one of his subordinates. The sombreness and guilt was as plain to see on his friend’s face.

She had tried to smother the sensation for months, but in this moment, seeing him like this, she couldn’t. It ached in her chest and formed a lump in the back of her throat. She only wanted to take the weight off his shoulders, help him carry the burdens he lived with day in and day out.

She knelt by his side, keeping the umbrella over their heads. “Do you want me to go?”

Her heart tightened even more when he didn’t say or do anything. The rain grew heavier, and the wind picked up. Still, she waited.

“He loved these flowers.”

Toshiro's voice came out as a murmur, and though she strained to hear over the wind and rain, Momo stayed and listened.

“There was a field of them in his district,” Toshiro continued. “He always brought a bunch of them back to the Division. Figured he’d like some now.”

He kept going, talking about the subordinates family, including a younger sister in Eleventh Division, and that he wanted to take up pottery again before the Quincy invaded, and then, morosely, that the only remains of him were the hair tie his sister found among the ruins.

She stayed even as he fell into a silence, and even as the wind got harsher and a puddle was forming behind them in the path between the graves. She stayed even when he told her she should leave, and she only offered her hand to take him with her to next graves they needed to visit. For every offering he made and words he spoke, she stayed.

He thanked her after they exited the entrance gate, and could only give him a watery smile before going their separate ways.

_____________________________________

“Why do they have such strange names?”

Rangiku shrugged with a grin. “Well, they have to distinguish themselves somehow. The World of the Living can be very creative, as I’ve discovered.”

Momo picked up each bottle one at a time and read the names aloud. “ ‘Rosey-Dosey’? ‘Pink me Pink me!’? ‘Pink-ing of U’? ‘Blooms a Plenty’? ‘Sparrow Me the Drama?’” Her brows furrowed deeper. “What does that even mean? A sparrow isn’t pink…unless that are in the World of the Living?”

“Of course not!” Rangiku chortled. “You’re thinking way too much about this. The idea of this was to be relaxing. Now, come on!” She held out her hand. “If you can’t decide on a shade, then I will.”

Momo put down the bottle of ‘Sparrow me the Drama’ and laid her fingers on Rangiku’s open palm. Her fellow lieutenant’s eyes narrowed and she tipped her fingers one way and then the other, as if examining gems rather than her nails.

“Well, I think you did well to choose pink,” Rangiku said. “It’ll make your fingers look dainty.”

“Oh, you think so?”

Rangiku smirked. “If that’s what you’re going for, that is”

Momo resisted the urge to fan the heat growing up the back of her neck. “I just wanted to try nail polish! Your fingers always look so nice after you’ve done them!”

That knocked the teasing out of Rangiku. “Really? You think my nails look nice?”

“Of course!”

“That’s sweet of you.” She turned her attention back to the row of polishes. “Unlike you though, I don’t think I can get away with subtler pinks. My fingers aren’t as fine as yours.”

She reached over and took up a bottle of dark pink – ‘Rosey-Dosey’, Momo recalled. She put the bottle up against her pointer finger. She thought for a moment, then shook her head and put it back and picked up the next. After much humming and haring, they decided on a light pink – ‘All is Fair’.

Rangiku let go of Momo’s hand to unscrew the top. “Now, hold your hand still while I paint.”

Momo nodded. She wrinkled her nose at the smell that wafted from the bottle.

Rangiku chuckled. “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it. Besides, it won’t take me long to paint your nails.” Putting the opened bottle on the coffee table, Rangiku took Momo’s hand again and started painting. Momo smiled when the first coat went on. She’d never done something like this. It felt nice.

Maybe it was because the reconstruction work was going well, with most of the work for the districts under her Division’s jurisdiction completed. Fewer Souls were now without homes, and the Seireitei was beginning to look better than ever. Her subordinates had a bit more free time, albeit still tired and working hard.

The office door slid open. Momo nearly snatched her hand back when she saw who it was.

“Why hello, Captain!” Rangiku greeted. “It looks like the meeting finished early, huh.”

It took everything in Momo not to look away. She hadn’t seen him in months, and the heat in the back of her neck threatened to spread to her face. She’d come here thinking the Captain’s meeting would still be on for another hour.

“And you thought to avoid your duties and do hobbies in the office rather than elsewhere, am I right?” Toshiro snarked.

Momo raised her free hand. “Hitsugaya-kun, please don’t blame Rangiku-san, I was-”

“But we’re still on break!” Rangiku interrupted. “Besides, all the courtyards and common areas are being used right now. Also, I didn’t want to do this in my room in case you came back and wondered where I was.”

He muttered something under his breath neither of them caught. He then sighed and walked into the office before producing a batch of papers from his sleeve. “I’ll compile these, and when you’re done, you better look over them.”

Momo wondered if her Captain had also received the same documents. She thought to ask until she glanced over at Rangiku, who was practically beaming from ear to ear.

“Well, maybe we should move to the balcony,” Momo suggested. “That way the scent won’t disturbed Hitsugaya-kun --”

“Captain Hitsugaya,” Toshiro interjected.

“Ah, don’t worry,” Rangiku said. “I’ll have your nails done soon. Besides, the Captain doesn’t mind, right, sir?”

He grunted after a pause, then began to work on the reports. Momo wouldn’t be surprised if he did mind, but didn’t dismiss them from the room because Rangiku had already started and he didn’t want to interrupt them. His kindness has always been subtle, and she couldn’t help but smile.

“I’ll need to come back this hand again,” Rangiku said, “but let’s work on your other one while we wait for that coat to dry.”

Momo gave her the unpainted hand. “When did you start doing this, Rangiku-san?” She glances at the polishes lines on the coffee table. “And how did you get so many bottles?”

“I discovered it from the magazines I bought,” she said. “All the models had their nails done, so I anted to give it a try. Of course, it took a lot of practice to get right.

"As for where I got all of these, they’re from different cities in the World of the Living. When I’m on missions, I’ll check the stores and get whichever colors I like.”

“I see. It’s a great collection.”

“Thank you!”

They fell into a silence for a minute before Momo spoke up again. “Are you still thinking of becoming the President of the Women’s Association?”

Rangiku nodded. “Yeah, I think it could be fun.” She winked. “Would you consider being my vice-president?”

Momo gasped. “Me?!”

“Only if you wanted to. I think you’d be great in the role!”

“Ah, well, I’d need to think about it. Besides, Ise-san is a more natural fit for the position. She’s always very organized and knows when to draw the line when our ideas get too crazy.”

“Ah, but she’s too strict! And these days she’s too busy being the lieutenant for the First Division.�� Then, in a lower voice and sneaky grin. “Sometimes, she even reminds me of my Captain with how she acts.”

Momo snorted “No, stop!” She snuck a glance over at Toshiro. He was still going through the papers and hadn't heard them.

“You have to admit they have quite a but in common.” Rangiku let go of Momo freshly painted hand and took up the other to apply the next coat. “I do have to admit, if she reran for president or vice-president, she’d probably get the role. I guess you need that type of personality to run an association.”

Momo thought to bring up their former president, Yachiru, but thought better of it. “You’ve reminded me. I need to return the book she lent me.”

“Oh? You’ve been getting back into reading again?”

“Yes. It’s only happened recently. I felt like I couldn’t with all the work we needed to do.”

Rangiku raised a brow. “As in you didn’t have time to read?”

“Not quite.” Momo slid her gaze to the side. “I felt bad when I did.”

Rangiku stopped painting. “Oh, Hinamori…”

“Ah, don’t worry! That was more so in the beginning. As the years went on and we’ve helped more residents, I’ve gotten back into it. And well…”

“Remember to think about yourself as well, Hinamori.”

“A few people have told me along the way that I should look after myself more, and I’m trying to do that.”

Rangiku smiled sadly. “Well, I’m glad then.” Then she resumed painting. “And I’m glad you’ve made time to do this, too. You deserve it.”

“Thank you, Rangiku-san. But, anyway, what have you been up to?”

“I’ve mostly been working if you can believe it. Though, I did go drinking with Izuru and Hisagi yesterday.”

Momo let out a nervous chuckle. “I guess that explains why Kira-kun was so glum at the meeting this morning.”

“He wasn’t last night! I haven’t seen him that happy in a while. But yeah, he’s never dealt with hangovers well.”

They kept going, talking about what their fellow lieutenants had been up to and deciding whether they should put the idea forward for a banquet dinner at the next lieutenant’s meeting as a social activity. By the time they decided it would was worth a shot, Momo’s nails had dried.

“And you’re done!” Rangiku announced. “A nice manicure, if I do say so myself.”

Momo inspected her hands, tilting them side to side. The color contrasted nicely against her skin. “Thank you, Rangiku-san!”

“Maybe we should check to see what my Captain thinks.”

Momo blinked, then looked over at Toshiro. He didn’t hear them, still working at his desk. Rangiku jerk her chin in his direction, and Momo sighed and stood up from the coach. She hasn’t been this nervous since she took her Lieutenancy test, and yet she was just as curious as Rangiku was to see what he’d think.

“What do you think, Hitsugaya-k – Captain Hitsugaya?” she asked to get his attention. She held out one her hands to him, which he blinked at as if he’d never seen it before.

“Why do want my opinion?” he said.

She shrugged, hoping her nerves didn’t show. “It’s nice to get a second opinion.”

She did a wave with her fingers for emphasis. Toshiro swallowed, as if he were the one awaiting her judgement instead.

She willed her to not jolt when he clasped her hand around the knuckles and brought it closer, examining Rangiku’s work.

From the couch, Rangiku made a choked sound. Momo frowned at her, and even though her fellow lieutenant had a hand over mouth, she knew Rangiku was trying to suppress a grin. It only made Momo’s neck and cheeks burn hotter. Did she see what she was feeling for Toshiro? How obvious was it?

Toshiro stared at her hands for longer than necessary. Momo wanted to say something, but feared if she did her nerves would only get worse. So she waited, and tried to focus on something else. Except the only thing she could think about what how soft Toshiro’s hand was. It’s the regenerated one. She’s held it several times now and she hadn’t thought twice. What made this so different?

“The colour looks good.”

So stuck in her thoughts, his judgement came out of the blue. He let her hand go, but she kept it hovering in the air. He liked it…

“I know!” Rangiku said, standing from the couch and coming over to them. “Doesn’t it look good on her?”

Momo lowered her hand. The fluttering in her chest was too much. How could his words have an effect like this on her?

“T-Thank you, Shiro-chan.” She hastily turned and bowed to Rangiku. “Thank you again, Rangiku-san. I should get going, my Captain will need help with the reports.”

She got the words out in such a flurry it Rangiku blinked. “Yeah, of course.” She lead her to the office door. “This was a lot of fun! If your manicure gets chipped or if you want to do this again, let me know!”

“I will.”

She was about to leave, but she couldn’t help but look back at Toshiro. The fluttery feeling got bigger, made her giddy. He liked her nails. It’s such a mundane thing, but right there and then, it meant a lot. She grinned at him. “I’ll see you for lunch next week, right, Captain Hitsugaya?”

He only nodded, but it was enough to have her stride out of Tenth Division with a skip in her step.

She relished the feeling until she reached her barracks. The high came down, and she was both awed and uncomfortable by how high these emotions could take her.

_____________________________

It had been the most quiet month of her life. The reports were few and far between, the last of the construction was coming to it's conclusion. There were more meetings to attend, but there was no longer that uncertainty in the air.

It as while on her way to one of these meetings that Momo used a brief window for her and Toshiro to spend time together. She was filling the silence with anything that came to mind. He’d listened, ask the occasional question, and didn’t speak much about himself. If anything, he had been acting a little strange. He didn’t always meet her gaze, and a few times he struggled to come up with words.

“Are you all right?” Momo eventually asked. She came in front of him, now walking backwards.

Toshiro blinked. “I’m fine. Why?”

“It’s just that you’ve been --”

One foot caught over the other, and she only gasped as her world abruptly tipped. Her heart lurched when she came to a sudden stop. Toshiro filled her view. More specifically, his face did. His eyes were wide and lips parted. His bangs hung forward and the ends nearly brushed her forehead. His arms were wrapped around her back, tense and strong.

The world had changed: all sounds faded away to nothing, the air becoming thick, and colors brightening. The shadows in his face and hair are lighter, and his eyes…

She stared at the blue-green she knew so well. She’s seen them for most of her life in the Soul Society, a constant amongst the many things that came and went. They’re beautiful.

Then, as if time had finally caught up to them, they realized what was happening. Momo went rigid and her face went from pale to bright red in an instant. Toshiro shut his mouth into a tight line, and his eyes somehow became even wider. Momo yelped when he abruptly pulled her up. As soon as she was back on her feet, she scampered away at the same time he stumbled back.

 “I’m sorry!” she squeaked. “I needed to watch where I’m going!”

“I-It’s fine! Are you okay?” he asked.

 “Yes.”

She bit her lip at the sudden awkwardness. She hadn’t felt like this with him since they first met. “So, I, uh…I wasn’t, um…”

She forced her mouth shut. He wasn’t even looking at her. His gaze was off to the side as he scratched the back of his neck and gave the floor a flustered glare. A rare blush had colored his cheeks and sharply contrasted with his eyes.

He's a captain of the Gotei Thirteen, a child-prodigy ho learned his Shikai and Bankai far earlier than more. Yet here he was, a normal Soul, fumbling and being stubborn and listening to her when she rambled on and smiled at her in that way only she knew. What others might have seen as a crack in a facade, she saw what was always there. And she loved him for all of it.

"Come on," he said, strained. "We should...get going, or we'll be late."

His strides were stiff when he passed her and continued to First Division. He didn't look back to see if she was following, and Momo was glad for it.

She couldn't move, had to remember to breathe as she watched him go. It was like seeing him for the first time again, but then her reality snapped back into place. It's him. it's always been him.

In that moment, rather than embarrassment, she experienced two disorientating senses of freedom at once: one of finally confessing a long-held secret, and the other as if she'd been pushed and was free-falling with nothing to catch her.

_____________________________

Momo watched the embers sail in the dusk air above the swaying reeds. Aside from the last sliver of the setting sun, the field was only lit by the flames she cast at a fallen tree. Its branches were consumed by fire, cracking and popping the wood as it burned it to ashes. The smell reminded her of her inner world, and she heard Tobiume’s voice from within praising her fighting form.

However, her thoughts were elsewhere. With the construction winding down and the lack of conflict, it gave her more time to think. It gave her more time to feel things in their entirety. No longer did she need to push unwanted or unnecessary thoughts and emotions away, nor did she have the excuse to not sit with them.

Maybe it had been after the war against the Quincy came to an end, or maybe during the battle against Gerard, or maybe even long before then. The truth was, it didn’t matter when it had begun.

She’s known for years, and now she has no choice but to acknowledge it. She had crushes before during her Academy days, but this was different. This was more intense, led to a spectrum of emotions that nothing as small as a crush could evoke.

She loved him.

She did not feel the usual anxieties or relief that came with such a revelation, because had Aizen not once consumed her thoughts in a similar way? Had he not made her experience similar sensations?

Her grip tightened on Tobiume. Surely this was not the same. And yet when she thought of Toshiro, she often got images of him with too soft hair, eyes that dazzled in the sun, and that smile that made her heart skip a beat. Too perfect, much like Aizen.

What could she do? She thought to confide in Rangiku, knowing that their friendship was separate from her working relationship with her captain, but Momo hesitated whenever the opportunity presented itself. She thought of her other friends too, but they did not know Toshiro as well as Rangiku and her did.

She was not ready to feel something like this again, let alone discuss it with one of her friends, and confessing was far out of the question. If he knew how she felt, would he ever return it? Would things change so much that they couldn't be together anymore? Could she risk that? Would she still love him even if he never felt the same?

But where did that leave her?

She couldn’t avoid him. She couldn’t tell him. She didn’t want to feel something like this for anyone, it’s too soon. In the latter, however, she had no choice. These emotions were here to stay, and they would either endure through her dissection and avoidance, or they would die down like flames before her, becoming ash and smoke while the embers winked out to nothing.

_____________________________

Whether it was due to her own efforts or the universe having heard her plight, Momo didn't see Toshiro for months.

It was just as well. She didn't know how she would act around him. One minute she couldn't wait to see him next time, but then she could wring her hands as the anxiety took over.

What made it worse was seeing the same emotions in others all around her. Whether it was couples in Junrinan, walking through the division gardens and recalling the obvious crush Funai had on Hirose, or reading it in her books, she couldn't seem to escape it.

Soon, she wouldn't have a choice. She and Toshiro kept postponing their next lunch break together, but now it was the week before, and Momo hadn't received word from him to reschedule again.

"Oi, you're spacing out there."

Momo flinched at her captain's voice. "S-Sorry, sir! I was just...considering a suggestion for this performance report." She held up the paper she'd been reviewing. "Do you, uh, think I should suggest a new training course for this group of recruits?"

"...That's the draft pamphlet for the Academy graduates."

Momo blinked, then looked at what she'd picked up. Indeed it was. "Oh, uh..."

Shinji raised a brow and stood from his desk. "You doing okay? Need to take a break?"

Maybe the peace they've been enjoying caused problems, no matter how small, to be more obvious. Momo tried and failed to smile. "No, I'm fine."

Shinji crossed the room to sit in front of her desk. "Nah. Something's on your mind."

She expected him to do something silly, like squint his eyes and rub his chin while he mock scrutinized her. He did it to anyone to make them laugh or at least distract them from whatever was troubling them.

When he instead sat still without a smile, she couldn't help but bow her head. Now these emotions were affecting her work. This wouldn't do."I'm sorry, sir. You're right, there is something on my mind."

Shinji regarded her for a beat. "Well, I'm not gonna force you tell me, but what can we do to help you?"

She thought to tell him, but even though she would trust him to keep it a secret, the words never left her mouth. No, she realized, this was something she had to deal with herself sooner rather than later, and there was only way she could do that.

"If I may, sir, can I please have a longer than usual break next week? It'll help me, I can assure you."

Shinji frowned for a second, then something shuttered across his eyes. He suppressed a smile, as if withholding a laugh. "I never thought I'd see the day you'd asked for a longer lunch break." Her captain tilted his head back to ceiling, hair spilling behind his shoulder. He tapped his chin in mock consideration. "Well, seeing as you work too hard, and you're sure it'll help raise your spirits, and rare ask for such a thing..." He gave her a knowing grin. "I think I can allow it. How does two hours sound."

Momo fumbled for words. "Yes, thank you, Captain!"

Did he know? Did he remember she had scheduled in a lunch break with Toshiro months ago?

Once he stood and turned to go back to his desk, she shook her head. Get a hold of yourself!

"I don't know if I'll need two hours, sir," she said. "I'm happy to take an hour only."

Shinji waved a dismissive hand without looking back at her. "Nah, take the two. You can get a lot done in that time."

_____________________________

Momo tries and fails to read her book. It was meant to calm her before Toshiro arrived, but she can't focus on the pages.

She lifts her head, casting her gaze out to the gardens before her. It's a nice sunny day, one fitful for a walk before sitting down beneath the shade of a tree to eat lunch. She plans to offer that when Toshiro arrived. Knowing him, he'll have not brought anything and they'll need to buy something from the Rukongai.

She hopes against all hopes that she doesn't stumble today, that he doesn't see into her heart and discover what's there. She needs to make sure she speaks clearly without a fumble, doesn't become distracted by a gesture he makes or something he says, or stare into his eyes for too long. The latter would be hardest. His eyes were beautiful, something that had captivated her from the very beginning.

She lets out a loud exhale, trying to calm the nerves. You're still friends. He doesn't know. As far as you're concerned, this is like any other meet up you've had with him. He's a friend. He'll always be your friend...

Her heart stutters. With a sharp shake of her head, she dismisses all thought and returns to her book.

She manages to read several pages before she senses him behind her. If this were any other time, she might spun around and boasted or teased him that she's gotten better at sensing his presence. She doesn't dare turn around or indicate she's sensed him.

His footsteps came up. She has no choice now. With everything in her, she raises her head and smiles. A greeting dies on her lips when he suddenly stops.

He's frozen, lips parted and eyes wide. She blinks, again about to speak, when a faint pink colored his cheeks. A crack in the stoic armor. An imperfection. It occurs to how often he lowers his guard now; not just with her, but everyone he's with. He has changed and grown, yet he remained the same at his core. He's the same boy she befriended in the Junrinan. The same boy who she watched rise the ranks of Tenth Division. The same one who never gave up on her when she was tricked. The same one who spun through the air and protected her from the enemy. Always kind, quiet, thoughtful, stubborn, courageous, unsure, and imperfect.

What she felt Aizen had been so different, so far away from what this is. It almost feels foolish to have even thought it was even an echo of what this is.

And it's relieving, so relieving she's can't help but beam. "Hi, Shiro-chan," she sighs, airy and soft.

She waits for him to snap out of it, to frown at her or say she's acting strange, but he only stares. She looks over her shoulder, checking to make something behind her had caught him off guard.

When it feels like a minute has gone by, she waves a hand in front of his face. "Uh, Shiro-chan? Are you all right?"

He reels back, making a sound between a choke and grunt. He shakes his head. "Sorry, I..."

She waits, but he's struggling. "Is today not a good day? Do you want to reschedule, perhaps?"

"No!" He realizes how loudly he spoke. He shakes his head. "No, it's fine. It's just hotter outside than normal."

Laughter bubbles out of Momo, deflating the last of her nerves. "It's only spring time, Shiro-chan."

His embarrassment evaporates. "It's 'Captain Hitsugaya', Hinamori!" He crosses his arms with a grunt. "Besides, you've never been sensitive to warmer weather."

"I suppose so." She closes her book and stands. "I was thinking we could go buy lunch in the Rukongai. We can stick to the shade if you want."

He takes a moment to compose himself, returning to his usual nonplussed expression -- albeit with a small hint of color lingering in his cheeks. "Yes, that'd be preferably."

On the way to the Rukongai, Momo knows she's not ready to tell him. She will, one day. She needs to sit with these feelings for a little while longer, to let the highs die down to something calmer. It could months or years, but she has always been patient.

At some point, she looks over at him. Toshiro senses her gaze and looks back. She smiles, and almost instantly, he gives her that small smile back that lights up his eyes.

Those eyes. She always wanted the name the color of them. She can’t pin-point exactly when that had begun, but she wouldn’t be surprised if it was from the moment she first met him. She had tried many different names over the years– aqua, turquoise, teal, cyan, sky blue, just name a few. None of them ever fit.

She knows now it didn't matter, because at some point she had stopped trying to guess the color of and looked into them instead; and in them she found the Soul she loves.

[commandermeg]

One of the things I'm proud of in the Star Trek Prodigy comics I'm working on - is that Section 31 provides the Looney-Tunes-esque comic relief in the backgrounds. Mayhaps minor spoilers but funny situations including:

Sniper gets blinded by the shiny glare off a Bald Character's head and topples backwards into a fruit pile

Get trapped inside a Parade Float playing "Baby Space Shark" on repeat

Accidentally join a dance competition and have to compete lest they blow their cover

during a very romantic scene between two characters, the spies are arguing on the beach in the background. As the romantic monologue continues the agents begin fighting in a cartoon dust pile.

Agent tries to spy on a crew by hiding in the walls. They've chosen the wrong ship.

Bad disguises. All the bad disguises. Think "Fake Mustache applied over Real Mustache" and "Three adults in a trenchcoat"

[goshdangronpa]

i like how ppl pseud-ify (idk) your name into "gosh" or some nickname-y version of it. like fuck man that sure is

Lol I think it's cute, too. Exactly the kind of reaction I like to get.

Someone once called me goshua and that took me out

[your-pal-smoochins]

what prompted you to follow me, i am not a COMPLETE tumblr funnyman

yet

You'd be surprised how little of an idea I have as to why I did!!!

He tends to follow anyone he finds even remotely fun for even one second. Even if it was in a reply to a different post or something.

I literally can't see any good art on this website without immediately blindly following the person who made it. And in your case I'm like 90% sure you just had a good vibe! My decisions are entirely illogical!!

He's following 708 blogs right now, if you're wondering. You probably weren't, I dunno.

[akanemnon]

Not only are you gonna fight a bunch of flowers, Susie. You're gonna fight a wedding bouquet!

FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT

MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)

[titvs-androgynous]

Another one of my lukewarm TES takes is that Oblivion is actually a good game with touching storylines and all it takes for it to be engaging is to give it an honest try. Like yeah, it is undoubtedly, and often unintentionally, a very 'memey' game and yeah the bugs are frustrating, and the bad VA outtakes are funny, and the character models are questionable, but beyond that there's a lot of sincerity and depth which often goes unnoticed.

[tinynerdycthulu]

i feel like the most reverse transmigration binggeyuan fic imply or outright state that sqh also hasnt transmigrated, which is such a missed opportunity. lets say you're binghe and you suddenly transport to a foreign world. you meet a man that looks remarkably like your evil shizun...but isnt...blah blah blah

obviously you fall in love but then you venture into his bedroom and you see a conspiracy theory wall littered with red string, hastily scribbled addresses, zhongdian usernames, and at the very center, a picture of someone (who is in your opinion so freaking ugly, shizun -- oops, shen yuan, he doesnt like that -- could do some much better) so you take a closer look and you see a snippet of extremely bad porn. about yourself.

the drama. the chaos. shen yuan absolutely refusing to justify why he hired a p.i to investigate the mysterious disappearance of his favorite porn author. the horrifying familiarity of the porn...isn't it just like something that the mobei-jun once showed him that he claimed his husband wrote???

[morgane-art]

You all heard about third wheeling but

Have you ever heard about

Fifth wheeling

My man is sick of all the flirting and bickering

[duusheen]

The last letter: and the verdict is... guilty

[dailyhmsw]

loop 209

[soggy-fishsticks]

TA DA!!!!!

Here's my own rendition of the character color wheel challenge! Adding multiple characters from the same media seemed too easy, so each character is from a different game/cartoon/show, etc!! No repeats 😈😈

[knockknockitsnickels]

I think this is one of my favorite lines from the Wraith route because of (imo) how much the meaning changes depending on if you got there via Spectre or Nightmare. For Spectre, it honestly strikes me as a genuine question. Why are you doing this to her? If you're on the Spectre route, you presumably already know the Narrator can't really be trusted, since you had to reject his reward to get here. What are you hoping to gain from continuing to hurt her? For Nightmare, it honestly just makes me sad. As the Shifting Mound describes her, "She desires only companionship, but the only thing she knows is how to hurt." This line feels like a plea from someone who genuinely doesn't understand why you keep rejecting her. She wants to be with you, but she just can't understand how to do that in a way which doesn't hurt you.

[dkettchen]

Zoro def likes girls, def not just trans ppl who can fight him on equal footing hm hm

[ray-botic]

stark sibs 🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺

also posted individually here: arya | robb | jon | rickon | sansa | bran

[sayruq]

[themaarika]

hi i'm working on a dark fantasy vampire yuri comic called That Bitch Stabbed Me and i wanted to share a little preview!! 🦇 read the first 10+ pages on patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/that-bitch-me-1-116309032