#and in general its always interesting to me the different ways that people interact with each of my steps

[mjrdm]

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[sidesteppostinghours]

caine:

cyrus:

cecilia:

cynthia:

Reblog with your favorite tags people have left about your oc.

[pankielovesfan]

The Prime Shimmer breaks Fan's code and that's really cool

I've recently thought more about just how incredibly important The Prime Shimmer IS to Fan's entire story and character, and about breaking apart from the show and helping him put in effort to improve. Even if this was already established and said countless times, I've started to understand it even deeper when I think about it more sooo I wanted to write this out

As the core part of Fan, he loves the show and all its characters. Everything he's ever known and been surrounded with has been related to it and he loves Inanimate Insanity very much and is practically made of that admiration. However, the first time he comes in contact with something from outside the show, it's the shimmer egg. Something he clings to desperately.

The fact that the egg is the first thing he's interacted with that isn't part of the show means a lot to his character, considering how he immediately attaches to it, takes care of it, and values it so deeply. As said by Fan himself on his blog - before he had the shimmer egg with him, he didn't even know how to care. It shows just how significant the egg is for Fan's development in so, so many different ways for representing his path in life. Not sure how to work this into it, but he's mentioned how the egg also helped him feel less lonely.

When he meets them, the way Fan treats The Prime Shimmer in the show is very unique to his character and has always been... so different. He's typically very disconnected from other people, especially with how he's supposed to be a "viewer" for the show, and experiences little to no empathy or care for others because of his love for inanimate insanity as a show, and how he claims to not even know how to care at first. The finale really highlights his feelings for the aliens. He immediately seeks to help them find their other lost child, prioritizing them over his own interests. He really really cares for them, for Fan standards.

All of The Prime Shimmer is so incredibly influential for him to recognize in this way. He actually puts in effort for others instead of sticking to old habits like he does, and I think his general feelings for them are what drives Fan toward progress since what he feels for them is outside of Inanimate Insanity. It's the main hope for Fan's improvement as a person, and I'm very glad Test Tube can still represent that feeling of "being outside of the show" because she came to save him from the ship if that makes sense, she's a part of this to some extent for him. Its lovely.

There's something so beautiful about Fan feeling so much love and protection for the entirety of The Prime Shimmer, creatures that are so removed from the show, something he wasn't made to love or care for. It makes it feel very genuine, caring for it in a way he doesn't care for the other contestants. Through caring about something outside the show, he also learned how to care about Test Tube and recognize her as separated from it, seeing her as an actual person which he rarely can do for many.

It's so fun how Fan can just always tie back to themes of change. Fan, notoriously inflexible and stubborn, allows himself to perceive change and opens his mind to that development to protect the lives he's learned to care for. Starts crying. i think this guy will be the end of me

anyway thanks for reading my insanity.. Fan is willing to try for the prime shimmer which can extend to other people he cares for yay

[ohno-the-sun]

Oh uh forgot to ask in the previous ask (the one with the digital piece of candy and scurrying and stuff)

How do you draw art so good

Like

Is there a method you use or is that just the style you've gotten over time?

you've activated my trap card

I'm just gonna preface that this tutorial is from someone who was not professionally trained and didn't have a lot of free time for art, so a lot of the tips I have is short cuts I use to get the best results quickly

If you genuinely want to get better at art then please look at references and practice that is always the best

However if you are like me and only really do art for fun but want to go faster then these are for you pfppt

Overall I'd say my style is influenced by speedpaints I would watch when I was younger, I like analyzing how people do things and what makes something look "good" to me

I always recommend watching them because they will often have techniques you've never seen before or do things a certain way that you can try out yourself

I consume good art, it feeds me

but seriously it can be super helpful when developing your own methodology, or just generally trying something new

Usually it starts with me pulling some references from artists I really admire and sort of sketching out how they do the things I like

For example 8um8le has like super good anatomy and poses so I focused on trying to replicate how they do that

venemous-qwille is super good at color and pulling focus so that's what I focused on in my study of them

In general I'd say my process is sketch -> silhouette -> color -> shading -> render

I really don't like doing lineart lol

I'd say for the sketch the most important part is using references and just kind of fudging it until it looks correct anatomically/physically

General rule of thumb is spend time on areas of interest, and keep non important areas light (like the stitching on his pants)

I don't do lineart because I think its unnecessary for most paintings I do

I naturally tend to put more time and focus on areas of interest (like hands and feet) and if you use a brush with opacity for the sketch, those areas are naturally going to be darker in the final sketch

Of course this is gonna be different for everyone but it's what works for me

Sometimes I do a really really sketchy layer underneath my sketch/lineart, just so I know where everything is going

Use thumbnails! They are great to help figure out the general layout of things and what pose I wanna do

Next is what I call the "silhouette" layer

This is super important for me cause it helps me refine the figure and make sure the pose/anatomy looks correct, also depending on what color I choose for the silhouette helps guide what colors I'm going to use on top

This piece is a good example of how it works. The silhouette shows me how the figure interacts with the background, how the pose looks and if its any good

The silhouette layer doesn't have to be super clean, as long as it follows the sketch decently well and shows where the figure is then its fine

I also sometimes make the silhouette layer multiple colors to help guide shading and vibe

Next is the coloring layer. I usually make this a clipping layer on top of the silhouette layer, or I change the silhouette layer to alpha lock, either way it saves me time on coloring everything in

Sometimes I am super rough with the coloring too, using like an airbrush or my fav watercolor brush just to generically block in color where I want it

Works out cause most objects have like a bounce light to them from surrounding objects, so this is sort of a cheat I use to get that effect without all the work lol

Also don't be afraid to have the lower silhouette layer shining through, having multiple colors sort of subtly shining through the piece helps lots

Next is the shading layer, this is usually another clipping layer, usually set to "multiply"

The colors I pick here is usually within this range, any color works, just depends on the piece and vibes.

Since this piece is set in a sunset forest I choose a more desaturated orange for the shading layer

I know there's a whole thing about multiply layer being a crutch (and it kind of it) but it is a useful tool when you just want some darker values across the piece but don't want to go through the process of color picking every single darker shade

Also in my opinion it looks better than picking a darker color and setting it to a lower opacity, idk I just think the color has more "depth"

Next is the hardest to explain, sort of the vibes layer

Usually its just a layer of more concentrated color on top of the normal color and I fudge with the settings and values until I get a result I like

Next is the longest step, is the "extra" or the render stage.

Usually I add a background before this step so that if I need to merge the figure better with the background I can

If I render with a white background but he's supposed to be in a dark forest, its going to mess with the lighting severely

Also this is when I add more "vibe" layers on top to get the figure to match the background better

Backgrounds in general I recommend checking out @/derekdomnicdsouza on instagram he's got lots of great tutorials for breaking down backgrounds simply

I'd say general rule for the rendering layer is to focus on the areas of interest and spend less time on areas you don't care about

I even blur stuff out on the edges I don't want people to see, partially to save time on fixing mistakes in areas I dont care about (oop), but mainly to help draw the eye to the areas I do want people to focus on

Theoretically parts of the background should like mesh with the characters, parrallel lines are a no no unless they are directing a viewer to look somewhere, things that are perpendicular help bring things together

tbh I'm still not the best at layout and probably need more practice, but overall this is what I like doing

Overall this is what my layer set up ends up being

Sort of a sandwich with the lineart/sketch as the "meat" lol

Color and basic shading below the sketch, clean-up and rendering on top

I like this method cause it's super flexible if I ever want to try something different or try to replicate someone's style

I can make each step less or more messy depending on the end result and can add a lineart layer if need be. Also if there's a part that is straight up not working or needs to be removed its super easy to do cause I can just paint over it on the "extras" layer, color picking from the surrounding area to get the same vibe

Generally rule of thumb for my style is: get the initial layout of colors, form and shading to look good, then the rendering should be smooth sailing

Really the best advice I can give to get better at art is to enjoy what you're doing and become very very obsessed with drawing a silly little guy

You'll eventually get very good at drawing them pfptpf

[rawliverandgoronspice]

re: sympathetic ganondorf vs evil for evil’s sake ganondorf, i think this is misrepresenting and underselling what’s actually offputting to people

“i’m evil because i’m evil” or “i’m evil because demise is evil” and the associated lust for power simply for its own sake has always been lame and low effort. there’s a reason it’s “shit tier” on the classic “villain motive tiers” thing

“i’m evil but there’s enough nuance to make the player at least somewhat sympathetic to me even if i’m still ultimately a bad guy” is a good thing that people like? i’ve never personally interacted with a zelda player who thinks windwaker ganondorf ruined the character or anything - he’s generally regarded as the gold standard of villain writing both in and out of zelda. this is roughly “high tier” on the tier chart

“actually TWIST i’m not evil at all, it’s the good guys who were evil all along, i’ve done nothing wrong and i’m completely justified in my righteous quest against the status quo, you’re the real secret true villain for being complicit in preserving it” is technically regarded as “elder god tier” on the motive tier chart but i would personally label it as “oscar bait tier”. these things *can* be compelling in conversation with the existing landscape, but often it comes across as a deliberate effort to subvert the audience’s expectations for the sake of being unpredictable (or worse, for the sake of proving you’re the smartest one in the room). in separate works where this conversation/critique is the entire point (eg. Watchmen or The Boys), that’s not necessarily a bad thing, and the audience sets their expectations accordingly. in an established, long-running franchise, however, this almost always reads as dripping with contempt for the audience, like walking into a room and going “you morons like this shit? let me, a person much smarter than you, explain what it’s Actually about, because you’re an idiot if you’ve been a fan of this series before now”

on top of that, in the context of a series like zelda, this type of story feels myopic and disrespectful to the future of the series. “welp i burned down the 20+ years of lore behind this character so i could do a deconstruction, good luck using them in any capacity in the future, sounds like a you problem”

all this is to say, i think it’s a bit disingenuous/strawman-y to suggest that people put off by this want ganondorf to have 0 depth at all. there’s a lot of room for different kinds of depth, it’s just that the trend of the last decade has been for “depth” to mean “condescending deconstruction”

Hey!

Thanks for taking the time to write this ask, I think it warrants an interesting conversation. To me, there's like, a lot of things about what you're saying, and tbh I do see where you're coming from --in part.

First thing first... No yeah unfortunately some people Are hostile to even WW Ganondorf. It's been a rising trend in the fandom since TotK was released --people being very against the concept of any additional complexity to the character, either not getting it or considering anything he says pure manipulation that doesn't even warrant a conversation, literally making fun of people who were intrigued by this and wanting more out of this particular thread. This position not only absolutely exists within the fandom --less so on tumblr, I'll agree there-- but it's not even hard to stumble upon as a pretty regular opinion that gets tossed around. I had some interesting asks thrown my way, let's say. The idea that Ganondorf is a remotely interesting character that deserves more thought than what he gets is very much Extremely not the norm, and the very fact that you, as a fan, likes him as a guy is perceived as weird and missing the point by a lot of people. Like a lot a lot of people.

So I'll just... I guess I haven't clarified my position in a while, so I will reclarify my position on our favorite evil dude: I do like him perfectly fine as a villain, I do not want him to be "redeemed" by the narrative, I think he works fantastically as an ongoing threat, I think they could make him even scarier and more offputting and that would be super fun and thrilling... and I also think he already is complex. Like, inherently. Everything Nintendo has been putting into him since his first appearance is complicated --even their attempts at flattening him back in TotK do not fully work because they can't scrub him of the extremely loaded ideas they injected into him from the get-go. Nobody forced Nintendo to do a Mega Orientalism when inventing him, nobody made them write the NPCs to have this super weird antagonistic relationship to the gerudos in OoT, nobody made them have all this lore of the one man born every hundred years, raised by twin witches --and then nobody made them press on that tension point in Wind Waker explicitely, and then, in a more subtle fashion, in TP too. Nobody forced their hand when it came to having the strange "round ear" situation, suggesting (confirmed even, in additional canon) gerudos are born unblessed. The fact of the matter is: everything to make the relationship between Hyrule and the gerudos complicated has been there since 1998. There's no need for a Switcharoo to prove that anyone is smarter than the audience: everything messy has always been baked within the worldbuilding itself. It's in the cartridges already!!

Perspective on it is what could change, though --because, except in Wind Waker, we never get even a hint of a sense that we should think, as an audience, that Hyrule's super weird relationship to the gerudos is maybe questionable. Worth thinking about at least. Which, given the optics, is wild to me that to bring this particular can of worms up is still very largely considered crazy talk within the fandom (that, or the Sheikah situation across the series, also insane in many ways). And yes, it would perhaps lead to themes that are a bit heavier than what Zelda has been overtly dealing with (though, again, Majora's Mask exists --and I do find a lot of unpacked ideas in the Wild Era, like the very unquestionned gerudo bridal pipeline, very uhhh unfortunate already if I'm being honest --even moreso because it is unquestioned). But Zelda, when well handled narratively, can do wonderful things with evocative subtext, open doors never fully crossed, a lynchian pressure on what should feel offputting. We don't even need a sad monologue about it. It doesn't even need to be handled explicitely. But I think the pressure point is just better when understood and incorporated in some form, instead of being denied so hard the world itself start to feel incomplete and unlived.

I do want to say... I get what you mean with the whole "oscar bait" thing. There has been, historically and in recent years, a tendency to be driven by an external, almost panicked sense of morality rather than by the internal drive of a story, its internal thematic logic. I also do think it can feel very corporate, very "Disney looking back at its own movies and scrubbing off everything Buzzfeed deemed problematic in 2014 while making everything glossy and lifeless and awful" and it's not that great!!! and tbh I can't say I would trust Nintendo to handle any appreciation for the fact that the story of an eternal golden kingdom cheering on beating the evil outsiders who want to corrupt everything good and pure and blonde about that perfect inherently good place, is like, extremely not neutral. It absolutely is a delicate thread to weave, and I agree that putting a definitive end to Hyrule is probably not the smartest IP move to do. But, Hyrule doesn't have to be condemned as Bad, it can be merely complicated. And ongoing, regardless. To keep on with the Disney parallel: The Lion King would feel weird if we started to peel off the internal politics of the hyenas, it's just not the right place for it, when everything about this story revolves around the Righteousness of the Divine Right to Rule. But if the Lion King was an ongoing series that had been looping on itself for a while... wouldn't it make sense to figure out how to achieve majesty by studying other angles too, eventually? Is it that strange to suggest the exercise is like, possible? That it can be handled with artistry and soul?

I feel like... Yes, to acknowledge Ganondorf's humanity --not even to coddle it, just to acknowledge it-- implies taking in everything that makes him who he is, and that might rattle some foundational ideas about why this ancestral fight is even happening in the first place. I also do not think it means that he must be Good now. He can still punch a child and cackle maniacally, he can still be unredeemable --he can still destroy himself and others out of the most unconstructive spite ever, and we can still see the purpose in defeating him while basking in the "yea....." left in his wake (Wind Waker did that!!! Wind Waker did that and then we had more Zelda games!! crazy how that happened). This is hardly undoable. It does take some narrative skill, and some commitment to taking a bit of a risk, but Ganondorf is genuinely unmanageable as a character if you insist on your refusal to acknowledge his foundations --and I think it's partially why TotK's story is such a mess. He sells a TON, but you can't have him breathe slightly too loud without risking the entire world falling apart. They did try in TotK, so very hard, and to me they still failed--as insane as he behaves, Hyrule still doesn't come out of this looking good or particularly justified, because the very central core of Ganondorf's character is to be subjugated, and then rebelling in a destructive and brutally selfish, uncompromising manner that ends up robbing him of humanity --and the discomfort of that premise will therefore always haunt the conversation. Nintendo dug themselves into that mess. I feel like a lot of the Ganondorf fans I know merely... point at that. At the mess. And I feel like the longer the games avoid this mess, the more coats of spinach green they slather ontop of his skin, and the more nonsensical characterization they pile up, and the more Ganondorf will become a parody of who he once was, and what made him compelling to begin with.

And to top it all off, as if he wasn't contentious and complicated enough to handle already, they leaned into the internet turning him into a sex symbol for some fucking reason??? Yeah I genuinely have no idea how Nintendo will manage this dude moving forward, because to me, he is, at best, an endless source of (very lucrative) headaches, and at worst a ticking time bomb. I'm not sure how long they can get away with that TotKification strategy, is what I mean.

(Also: I tried to not overdwell on all the incredibly complicated conversation re: race and orientalism, but it's borderline impossible to have this conversation without acknowledging that I have never seen a major pop culture villain receive more pushback against "woobification" than him, and I don't think it's a complete coincidence let's say :) )

[faela0]

Vodwatching yesterdays session from Kab’s perspective was so interesting because we don’t often see Kab and Clown interact on Lifesteal

What struck me the most was Kab’s dm to Clown ‘dont sacrifice yourself for them’, ‘they aren’t worth it’

It implies that Kab values Clown life over killing Mane which is crazy because she’s wanted him dead for months now, and shes asked for Clowns help with dealing with him before.

But “they” can be interpreted in two different ways: the Empire and the Blindfold bandits.

Don’t sacrifice yourself for the empire, helping them isn’t worth your life (It’s in a sort of superior way, like your life is more valuable than theirs, save yourself and get away before you die too)

or

Don’t sacrifice yourself for the empire, killing mane isn’t worth your life (In a concern type of way, I want to see you live more than I want to see Mane die)

The difference is very minimal but it speaks to how she views Clown, and either way the message remains the same - get out of there before you die like Zam.

Like it’s a small over minecraft chat interaction but it goes to show how much Kab cares and trusts Clown and gives insight into why she was so insistent that Clown would always have her back even when he wasn’t active on the sever. It’s obvious she cares for him a lot otherwise she wouldn’t have willingly sacrificed the opportunity to kill Mane out of concern for his life.

Question is, is it reciprocated? Kab obviously carries that strong bond she and Clown has into Lifesteal, and I would’ve expected Clown to not do the same so its surprising when earlier in the stream he straight up reveals his big plan to 1v3 them to her since he didn’t have anything to gain by telling her that. But ended up benefitting anyway since Kab offers to strike a deal with Sb for some god apples.

This entire conversation, they acted more like teammates than anything because they just have a weird almost unconditional trust in each other that doesn’t come with being just allies, which is important since we know that Clown is very willing to team with kab “once she proves herself”.

The notch apple thing also made me realise that Kab has a weird thing with helping people. She generally asks if she can help a lot (twice to clown in just one stream, and all those times shes asked Zam) and it’s such a striking difference how she treats Clown compared to how she treats Zam, who she imposes her help on, as opposed to Clown who she offers it to. Especially since she wants Zam to fufill that role of her protector that Clown is usually in.

This was just a bunch of yap lwk, but kab is interesting

[neptunes-sol-angel]

Another pick a card...but make it cunt 😆 im lowkey cringing with myself, but I don't care, I loved this idea and this aesthetic. I've always been a cherry cola kind of gal.

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Pile One

You serve cunt in a classy way. Elegance is your niche, beauty and brains IS your motif. There's magic behind your allure that's very old fashioned, an era that's been mimicked by so many, but only truly reincarnated by fewer individuals. It's so nostalgic, and reminds me of this longing that's present in each generation. "I miss the 90s", "There's hardly any superstars in Hollywood anymore", "Where's the talent?", "Video Vixens of today are lacking sex appeal". Aesthetics and "vibes" are easy to wear as a costume, but will always fall short as if something is missing. You have something that isn't ephemeral and can't be cloned because it isn't studied by the naked eye, but is definitely hard to not notice. It's derived from your authenticity, and is most adored by when you're in your element. I'm getting that one of your talents involve visuals, if you're the model when it comes to art, people love your sense of style and the way that you walk, if you're the creator, whether it's digital or concrete, the people love how your creations are like air, it isn't try hard, it doesn't demand to be seen, it's a force to be reckoned naturally. Maybe you guys are enthusiasts, and are the audience that admires the art, but just because of your passion, you generate a following that's interested in how you see things and what you have to say. This could definitely be a pile for cinephiles, anime cosplayers, or even beauty influencers. Continue using your voice, serving cunt is when speak your mind. You're able to strike a nerve in people without being vulgar. Both your stance on things and tone are profound. People are intimidated by your intellect, eloquence, self-efficacy, and mental independence. I'm seeing archivists in this pile, people that are very protective over cultural traditions, history, but also protective over themselves. Even if you're still learning how to set boundaries in a healthy way with others, you demonstrate a lot of vigor by making the first step, which is knowing what's beneath your worth. Your physical attraction is lethal because you create your own category of appeal, what's preventing you from weilding it to its full potential is seeing it for yourself, without needing another person or social construct to point it out for you. Maybe some of you are trying to get out of the grass is greener on the other side mindset when it comes attracting what you want. If it's love in all aspects, recognition, self-worth, manifestation, or just confidence to interact with others as who you are, this relates to your femininity, a misconception that your feminine energy has to be soft, dark, hyper, or even concealed. For some of you, you could have had a rough upbringing, where although you unfortunatelt had to withstand pressure, it turned you into a diamond. Especially if you're ethnic, and resonate with being a historian, scrutiny over your physical and cultural differences, could have taught you to really value yourself, not feel guilty for defending yourself, and recognize how special you really are.

Pile Two

You're approaching a special glow up and it's definitely going to be something "cunty" that'll have some people upset. I don't even see this as a villain era, but more so something very personal. I feel like this pile has dealt with a lot of situations with people cornering you into making you doubt yourself or just outright trying to sabotage your spirit that could convince you out of opportunities that are divinely meant for you. Even though it says a lot about what you're capable of, if people have to kick you down when you're low or can't take you down by themselves, it takes a powerful person to stand up for themselves ten toes down against intimidation. You're going to achieve a milestone that's going to be very important to you but also a big deal to others as well, especially your haters. People that underestimated your might, are going to have to witness these rewards that you've worked so hard for, and it isn't even the peak of blessings that your endurance will reap. You serve cunt, by getting stuff done, accessorizing initiative with your charm, having a lot of endurance and scorching optimism amongst being met with cold situations like betrayal, failure, and people that aren't kind. You serve cunt with your quirks, creativity, and self-awareness, you're like this fountain that doesn't stop pouring when it comes to your capacity to grow and hone your gifts. You serve cunt with the way you keep fighting for your wishes and your stability. Even if it's not on some woo-woo abracadabra shit, you serve cunt in a "witchy" way. You guys are alchemizers, you make peace with your darkness by letting it transform you for the better. You're not afraid to show your scars, your sensitivities, your imperfections, or your mistakes, or your shadow. You wear them like a Picasso painting, abstract, thought-provoking, inspiring, mesmerizing. The way that you serve cunt is only a weapon to those who feel inadequate compared to your range. You could attract a lot of envy, people who feel personally feel like what you're blessed with should be given to them, but this is petty energy, hence why it never prevails against you. It could sting, but it never keeps you down. You could have a strong spiritual team that's protective over you, but part of your protection also comes from understanding that you DO have teasurable qualities that'll bring you success one day. You serve cunt, by the way you empower yourself instead of blaming others for hiccups in your life, you take control by knowing that no amount of evil eye, tower moments, or swords in your back can ruin or take away your abundance, that energy can't be destroyed, it can only be blocked by you, continue to keep your motivation high and always recognize when you're getting in your own way. The magic just doesn't stop, it starts with you and how you create your life by how you apply your actions in your present reality. Keep chasing after what you want, because it's out there, seeking for you too.

Pile Three

"I don't chase—I attract" but make it cunt. The burst of energy in this pile is both chaotic but ironically contained at the same time? It's like how a cat always lands on its feet. The universe LOVES you, and you know it, I'm getting major princess treatment vibes in this pile, but it's not something that you take for granted nor is your life just completely sunshine and rainbows. The struggles that weigh on your shoulders, you carry them well, and you always manage to give others a smile or just the things that you say will make their day or change their way of thinking about life. People admire your confidence, they love your humor, some people just want to BE you entirely because of how other individuals and opportunities just seem to gravitate towards you. People in general just deem you as someone's who is lucky. Words are spells, and people liken yours to the Midas touch. You're great at giving yourself and others, affirmations, and a part of what expands your abundance is how you show gratitude. Even if it's not much, the way that you speak of things, will make others believe that what you have is golden. I'm getting a  hypothetical scenario where you're in a financial bind, that's inevitable and out of your control, but instead of mentally just shutting down or letting this problem consume your day, you order an iced coffee, but do you know what you're gonna do with that iced coffee? You're gonna romanticize the hell out of that coffee! This also applies to how you look as well, doing a baddie on a budget haul at Marshall's? Best believe you're gonna still be serving CUNT in that outfit, name-brand or not. You know that each person's expiration date on life is unknown until it happens, so you really serve cunt by living each day like the world is your oyster. I notice that you're also very clear with your intent which is why the universe meets you half way. When you take a leap, you can fall, you know you're not invincible, but most of the time, you fly, and soar away into the next adventure. When you lose things or people that are not for you, don't resonate with anymore, or take you for granted, you could find yourself immediately seeing your losses being replaced with something better. You treat life like a celebration, and that's why people enjoy your company, others may feel that it's always going to be a fun, pleasant, and memory making moment when hanging out with you. You're wild in a way that may be scary for others, but also induce an adrenaline rush in others because your aura just feels so carefree and like they're being liberated.

[arcane-ish]

Revisiting the season 1 "is Silco a bad parent" discourse

It seems that sometimes people come across my season 1 metas and liking them and it's pretty fun for me to "re-find" some of my old stuff that way.

I like to think I still stand by a lot of if even if a lot of theories about how things get disproven.

Anyway, I think it's very interesting in retrospect how central and heated the "Is Silco a bad father" discourse was in season 1. (It was very much the "is Caitlyn a war criminal" of its day)

One aspect that I think made it differently is that "being a war criminal" is usually a relatively distant concept for most people.

While if you listened deeper you could sense a lot of personal stories and very different takes on what makes a good or bad parent.

Looking back, it does feel like maybe a lot of it was the Vi&Cait side of the fandom versus the Silco&Jinx side of the fandom with a lot of people in the middle weighing in, because it is an interesting question and again ones relationship to a parent being something where everybody can bring something to he table.

In the end season 1 is very structured around Vi. She's by the character by far with the most screentime. And season 1 is pretty much about her quest to retrieve her sister.

Vi has a certain, harsh way of perceiving Silco and Silco and Jinx. And I wonder if at least some of the discourse was a lot about validating Vi and validating Vi's quest. Because if Silco is an awesome parent and Jinx is happy, then Vi's quest is basically useless, right?

For the record, I don't think Vi fans were overall about proving that Silco is evil and Vi has to smite him. Even in season 1 I think there was generally a lot of fandom discourse support for the idea that Vi has to accept that her sister is changed and that she can't just blindly cling to the past. But there's still investment in the idea that she is at least partially right.

On the opposite. To me it does feel like on the Silco&Jinx side (even though people will always say they understand that their charas do bad things) it did feel like there were genuinely people who wanted an edgy "Silco and Jinx never did anything and are perfect and everybody else drools" take by the show. Again, just like with the Vi side, not all. Plenty of Silco fans who also get that he was a flawed father even if he was genuine. Just saying the "Silco and Jinx should burn the world down without resistance as an awesome powercouple and/or father&daughter duo" also existed and who were longing for a portrayal where everybody who opposed Silco turns out to be more evil than him or comes around and sings his praises to validate Silco.

Which brings me to:

I think a big reason why I was less disappointed with season 2 than some others is because I always saw myself squarely in the middle of this discourse.

For me that looked like that: For a lot of the accusations typically levelled against Silco I was usually a lot more on the "Silco side" of things than on the "Vi side".

That a lot of the things that are happening are dark, but dark that make sense for the setting. ie having Jinx be violent, encouraging her to fight, not seeking help for her mental illness, that always seemed like a fairly natural part of the setting to me. And on the whole manipulating front, seeing it more as "Silco projects his own trauma/fear/paranoia, his messed up feelings about Vander onto Vi" rather than he is intentionally manipulating (though I do think there was an element of "Silco is scared of Jinx leaving him and wants to tie her to him at all costs" rather than just a clean mangnanimous "Silco thinks Vi is dangerous and wants to protect Jinx from harm")

But at the same time: I also had genuine bugbears with his parenting.

When I look at my old post one thing that I pointed out was that it feels off to me that Jinx doesn't have peers her age. She interacts mostly with Sevika and Silco. The closes to her age is probably Thieram and he's scared of her. Back then I reserved judgement. Because we don't know for sure how Jinx felt about it. Maybe since she killed her brothers she never wanted to be around friends anymore out of fear of killing them. Though I still think that as a parent Silco should have pushed back on that. Especially since imo the Enemy music video suggests that in the past Powder did like playing with other children, at the very least Ekko. So to me season 2 was extremely validating when we see that as soon as Silco is gone from her influence the first thing Jinx does is attach herself to a young girl and be really playful and kid like with her. And season 2 suggests that having Ekko forgive her did mean something to her. (and depending on whether you consider it canon or not, Jinx writing "home" on top of the firelight base when she has been there like once is just gutting)

There's also the fact "Silco is just projecting his trauma rather than manipulating" to me is a seriously deal. Even if that means that he isn't manipulating "he can't see beyond his trauma enough to be a good parent" is still a serious parenting issue. (for the record: Vander has very similar problems in his parentage) If you had a parent who is a narcissicst or a drug addict or bipolar and that did have an affect on the parenting style, you would still file that under having a bad/less than ideal childhood even if that parent tried.

And the core effect of this trauma/paranoia is that Silco does not respect what Vi means to Jinx and is not really engaging with Jinx about it. And no, he did not know Vi was alive, but he did lie about Vi just being there for the crystal (when from his conversation with Vi in the Shimmer addict scene he KNEW that Vi was there about Jinx). Not to mention he immediately moves to try to get rid of Vi and attacks her rather than even just subtly try to figure out how Jinx feels about it. Again in a perfect parent world, even if he irrationally feels that Vi will hurt Jinx, the good parent thing would have been to talk to Jinx, express his fears and let Jinx choose how she wants to handle the situation. Support her through it, catch her if Vi really does end up hurting her.

But then I generally often feel like I have a very different take on Jinx and Silco's relationship. Like… if you see Silco and Jinx as a pair, a duo… you can see in season 1 that Jinx isn't fully happy with him? Like the underlying message of season 1 is that even though she was with Silco and she cared for him, she was dreaming of being with Vi the entire time. She wanted to abandon Silco and run away with Vi. She kept, remembered and activated the flare when she realizes that Vi is alive/around. She yearned for Vi while she was gone, was always doubtful of Silco's world, completely thought Silco was capable of lying to her. She cares about him, but she does not fully believe the things he's telling her, she clearly thinks of him as somebody to take with a grain of salt, yes even before the Shimmer maker he doubt him even more.

For the record, I don't buy the Silcofan take Jinx and Silco were 100% happy and he a completely reasonable parent till all the stressors of season 1 Act 2 happened. IMO I buy what Jinx says to Vi in the dinner scene in 1x09, the deep tiredness and frustration. And I don't think that Jinx would assume so easily that he would lie even pre Shimmer if he hadn't given her the vibe before. And we see her pushing back and rebelling a little bit not just against his restriction but against the lies he tells himself before all that.

(it probably helps that my fandom of Silco was always more on the "he's this beautiful, chaotic, tragic, compelling, ingenious mess" rather than "he's so cool and badass". Like a lot harder on the "Silco makes a freaked out face during the rat experiments" than just "Silco does sexy sauntering")

Again, if you "ship" Silco and Jinx as a narrative pair, even if just a platonic one, maybe you were rooting for the story to validate Silco fully. Yes, Jinx strayed and tried to "cheat" on Silco with Vi, wanted to leave him, wanted to run off with Vi, but he was right all along, Vi didn't care for her and choose the enforcer over Jinx. And the happy end will be Jinx understands Silco's love for her and knew he as right all along and be gung go, either wanting to kill herself because she loved him so much or dedicate her life to continuing his life's work.

And maybe the Vi side thought that with Silco being dead it would be a "ding dong the witch is dead", yes Jinx is now even further in her darkness but maybe season 2 can be the search to retrieve her and everybody can at least see what horror he has wrought and how he destroyed Jinx's life if it turns out she cannot be saved.

The thing about season 2 is that if refuses to validate either the "Vi side" or the "Silco side"

And my theory that this really frustrated both sides, especially if they fought for fervently post season 1 about whose perspective is right.

While for me, it felt like a natural continuation of what I already saw in season 1. Jinx genuinely cares for Silco, but she wasn't fully happy with him, their relationship was genuine, but also layered and complex.

She grieves for him, but the moment he isn't there she acts very differently. She does tons of things that weren't and maybe couldn't easily have been part of her life when he was still around. Her position towards his goals, towards the fight, towards Zaun,towards violence is mixed. She connects with Isha, with Vi, with Ekko. She doesn't denounce Vi or Vander to praise Silco.

For the frustration of the "Vi side", she never denounces Silco either. And even worse, like, here you could say, okay, maybe Jinx is just strong enough to resist Silco's influence, especially now that he's gone, but he was still bad for her, but the show imo by adding Silco to the AU does take a stand against that Silco was just a bad father and a malignent influence. If Silco was just full on bad, why would he still be part of Jinx's life in the other AU, where it is hinted that Silco is very much part of many things being better in that AU. To me that alone is a strong proof that they don't see Silco as just a bad thing that has to be fought. Heck that episode textually has Ekko saying outright that maybe he wasted his time fighting/hating Silco and Jinx as part of a general message about forgiveness and embracing people.

And about all people being messy and flawed and you should still embrace them.

And from a Jinx fan point of view? That's great actually

Season 1 is being spent with Silco and Vi metaphorically fighting over Jinx. From their point of view, it would be most desirable if she chose one and decried the other.

But from a Jinx point of view? It's actually great that she doesn't have to choose. Because Jinx is a cool and awesome character who can have deep and layered and complex and loving relationships with Silco and with Vi and with Vander (and gain new ones with Isha and Jinx). She doesn't have to give one up to properly love the other. She can love all these people in her own way and at the same time, there can be complexity and flaws in all those relationships too.

Because again, Jinx is a complex character with many sides to her and many relationships to her.

And just like the show in the end refuses to make a hard choice between Powder versus Jinx, it also refuses to choose between these relationships. Doesn't see the need to push any of them to the dirt, just lets her keep and at the same time lose all of them.

I think that ultimately, why, even though I see many flaws on season 2, I can still find something to love about it. Because to me Jinx is the throughline, the emotional core as the journey of a young woman searching her place, figuring herself out, choosing her path.

(please note that I'm a staunch believer in the "Jinx Lives" theory and that clouds every and all reads on season 2 I have)

In the end, imo the juxtaposition of Silco and Vi was a pretty cool move of season 1. Most fandoms fight primarily about romantic shipping, who should date whom, who is whose OTP.

Structurally, in season 1 Vi is the main character and even though she might have flaws (maybe too brash, too narrow minded, too emotional), she comes across as the more traditional heroic character.

At the same time, she is on a quest that is impossible. She wants to retrieve a sister who doesn't exist anymore. She wants things to not change, but that can't be avoided. She has a quest given to her by her dead father figure, but maybe that quest isn't just impossible, maybe it isn't what she should be doing in the first place?

And the fact that Vi is structurally the hero but maybe she's also kind of wrong I think opened up this narrative space of "okay, if Vi is not right, that maybe who or what is?"

I get that the show answering that question with "everybody is flawed, those relationships an co-exist" isn't a satisfying answer for everybody who wanted clarity, but I can just reiterate, from my Jinx fannishness point of view, I think it's pretty great.

[elainsgirl]

I saw a gwynriel stating that SJM wouldn’t be that stupid to add Gwyn into the BC if she didn’t plan on her ending up with Azriel (…okay), essentially saying, why add Gwyn in the BC at all. Just out of curiosity, why do you think she added Gwyn and had her and Azriel interact? And then also have Az for some reason giving the necklace to Clotho for Gwyn (or any other priestess (funny how no gwynriel ever mentions how unromantic that is but whatever))

As an author, what do I want most?

For people to talk about my books, participating in discussions surrounding my book to make it more popular - which will generate more readers making me more rich.

4 years later and Azriels bonus is still being discussed. Sjm has given the acotar fandom nothing for the past 4 whole years and yet this fandom is still so active, why? Bcs Sjms books are polarising. They create heavy discussions that never die off.

A key thing to remember- Azriel has always been loved by the acotar fandom. His story was in demand and Mass knows how badly people want his pov or book. Mass also knows how much hate Elriel received. If she didnt add in Gwyn - the buzz around the next book would have went stale pretty soon. Yet by adding Gwyn - she gave elriel antis something to talk about. Which they have. For 4 years. Its a red herring- something an author does to create a little doubt just to get people in their fandom talking.

And it clearly worked. She did the same with having Emerie appear in Cassians pov during acofas - it threw anti nessians off and made them believe Emerie would be the other woman in Nessians love story or another potential LI for Cass.

In Azriels case, it blew out of proportion due to how loved Az is and how hated Elain is. No one wanted meek, boring Elain to be with Azriel. Therefore the minute a single, straight woman came along - people shipped Gwyn and Az. If there had been another single, straight woman warrior in acosf who interacted with Az, guess what? Her and Az would have also been shipped.

How many peoppe jumped onto the brycerial bandwagon? It just goes to show anti elriels are desperate enough to ship Az with anyone as long as its not Elain who they majorly dislike.

Sjm had Gwyn and Az interact - in a similar fashion to Emerie/Cass - just to throw some people off -> generate a buzz, create a discussion. But the difference is - Gwyn has magic that Azriels magic reacts too. Gwyn is a singer with musical imagery, antis misconstrue as the same musical imagery Mass uses between mates when this is canonically not the case at all. But they refuse to acknowledge it - why? Bcs then they’d have to accept elriel. So for them, its better to live in delulu land and believe Sjm would break elriel up after 3 solid books of foreshadowing them, in a bonus where she supposedly introduces Gwyn as his new LI.

Take the magic out of the bonus and just focus on the dialogue between Gwyn and Az. Its awkward. I’ve had more interesting conversations with strangers then they did. In fact - istg I had that same conversation with a teacher I came across. You ask them about your holdiay. Chuckle. Try finding something to talk about. God this is awkward, so you crack a joke. The fact Az had to force himself to talk more and be polite - just shows how him and gwyn do not fit together. Add the magic in and compare it to whenever Nesta interacts with Gwyn - both her and Az feel the same effects and emotions.

As for the necklace- the fact it is Elains, means it has no romantic value for Gwyn. Every part of that necklace represents Elain - so how can it be used for Gwyn? If Az had gone out and got Gwyn her own gift- well that is romantic buildup. But he didn’t. On top of that, its not like he was adamant who the necklace went too. He just didnt care - again how on earth is this romantic? Top it off - Gwyn doesnt have the necklace in acosf - its a safe deduction that she did not receive it therefore you can take it as Sjms way of confirming that elriels story isnt over.

It’s simple for me anon:

Sjm did not have to make elriel a thing. Both elucien and gwynriel would have had genuine stakes without elriel. if Gwyn was to be so important- even as a Li to a main character, she would have been introduced in acowar/acofas where Sjm herself stated she left clues for the spinoffs. No where in acosf or the bonus is there a clear romantic shift in Gwynriel’s relationship. I shouldn’t have to read a bonus at all to understand gwynriel is next - if that was the case, I would have come away from acosf thinking elriel ended but the fact Mass left them on a charged glance and w Nesta knowing Az likes Elain…well that’s foreshadowing and buildup 101 to an elriel love story.

Anyways, this is just my opinion that I hope you enjoyed reading about 🫶

[gravity-between-us]

Gravity Between Us

Chapter 9: Orbiting You

Summary: Caleb and I have known each other for as long as I can remember. We were once childhood friends, our bond as natural as the stars in the sky. But now, everything has changed. What used to feel like a safe, familiar orbit between us now pulses with unspoken desire.

Our friendship is no longer enough to keep the tension at bay, and the distance between us feels unbearable. Secrets, lies, and unhealed wounds stand in our way. I don’t know if we can survive this new gravity pulling us together... but I can’t keep pretending I don’t want to try.

Pairing: Female! MC x Caleb

Spoilers: Spoilers for Caleb's Myth's as well as memories. Read at your own risk for these. Lore spoilers.

WARNINGS:

Unlikely to be completely canon. The other love interests will not be likely to appear in this fic.

MC is named. MC is socially awkward. MC can be depressed at times.

Very? Slow Burn.

Very explicit smut (Chapter 12 onward): PiV/oral (male and female receiving)/anal sex. Fingering. First time. Pet names (angel, babe, baby, pip-squeak). Kinks: Praise, breeding, creampie, light dom/sub. Rough. Some consensual degradation talk (MC is into it). Probably many, many more that I am forgetting to name. If you see one that should be listed that isn't, feel free to let me know. (MC is a repressed deviant, and so is Caleb.)

Awkward blend of darker moments, angst, fluff, and humour.

Drinking. Questionable life decisions. MC spirals.

Protective Caleb. Both MC and Caleb are a little obsessive and overly protective of each other, which could be considered an unhealthy relationship.

We will revisit memory scenes, but they will be different from the memories in-game.

As proofread as I can get it, but not beta read, so probably some mistakes.

Limited plot - most focus is just on their relationship and interactions.

More warnings could be applied, but as a general rule of thumb, please read at your own risk and do not continue if you find the content triggering.

Monotonous white and grey walls are my entire existence. The people in lab coats are all I’ve ever known. They lead me places by the hand, whispering lies that everything will be okay, but I know it won’t.

Wherever they take me, pain follows.

Sometimes the torture extends until my body gives out. When I wake, my memories remain a shattered mirror—the pieces are there, but the reflection is wrong. 

The only reprieve I’m afforded is the boy with warm violet eyes. Sometimes they let us play together. Whenever we meet, he always tells me his name, as if I might have forgotten it. How many times have I forgotten now? He pushes me on the swing and plays tag with me. His laughter is bright and vibrant, a sound that makes my insides feel light, like I am more than the wires and pain.

When they separate us, sometimes they put us in rooms divided by thick glass. We can see each other, but we can’t touch or talk. Still, he presses his little hand to the glass, fingers splayed, and I match mine to his. 

Today, I don’t feel well. My head pounds, my vision swells and recedes, and when I try to run, I lose my breath too quickly.

He sits with me on the playground floor. The artificial green blades are stiff and jabbing under my palms. The boy points to the painted mural on the wall and tells me the names of things—sun, clouds, birds. Every name feels foreign on my tongue, but I repeat him anyway, trying to commit these things to memory.

We both hear the telltale series of beeps when they come, the people in white coats. The boy tenses, grabbing my hand and tucking me behind him, shielding me with his small frame. 

My heart pounds in my temples uncomfortably as he stands his ground. The air around us shifts—metal creaks, the swing groans as its chains snap free. The monkey bars rattle violently, coming free from their bolted place and swinging askew. 

It won’t matter. It never does. It’s only a matter of time before they come with thin metal things they stick into our skin that make us sleepy.

I tug on his sleeve. “Don’t.” My voice is small and trembling. “It’s okay, Caleb. Let me go.”

The name rolls off my tongue, dear and estranged in equal measure. Caleb, Caleb, Caleb—I repeat it to myself. It stirs a cascade of emotion, and something inside my brain seems to stutter like it’s trying to shut down whatever his name makes me feel. I grind my teeth together and fight against that feeling of being rewritten. 

If I remember one thing, let it be him.

I push myself unsteadily off the ground and shove him behind me, stumbling toward the people in white coats. He screams as they take me, a heartrending wail of unadulterated rage. Glancing over my shoulder, I try to tell him it’s okay, but they’ve pinned him to the ground with that gleaming metal stick in hand.

The chair waits for me with its restraints open, and they strap me in, cooing false reassurances. Wires are attached to my head, chest, and arms. The room goes dark, and electricity arcs through me. My muscles seize, my back tries to bow, and my scream chokes out of me.

Calm voices read out numbers that mean nothing to me. I beg them to stop. I sob, scream, and tell them it hurts, but they do it again. And again. And again.

Will I ever feel anything but pain again?

I wake with a strangled gasp, and my entire body jerks like I’ve been struck. My skin is slick with sweat, the damp fabric of my shirt clinging uncomfortably to me. My chest rises and falls in rapid, shallow breaths, my heart hammering against my ribs as though trying to escape.

Pain lingers in phantom echoes—slithering under my skin, in my bones, through my teeth. I feel the straps on my wrists, the cold bite of metal electrodes, even though I know they are not there. My fingers twitch like they remember the current surging through them.

I squeeze my eyes shut, swallowing back the whimper balled in my throat. Instinctively, my hand reaches out—searching. I expect warmth, the steady presence of someone beside me.

I reach for Caleb, but my fingers meet only empty sheets. The absence is a shock, a cruel slap of reality against the remnants of my nightmare. I’m not in that sterile white hellscape, but I’m also not where I thought I was—not where I want to be. 

My apartment in Linkon is quiet, save for the hum of the city outside. There is no steady breathing beside me. No murmured reassurances. No violet eyes watching over me.

I pull my hand back, curling it into a fist against my chest. It was just a dream, I tell myself, just something my brain conjured up from my visit to that place and nothing more. 

Ever since the night I threw myself into Caleb’s arms, he’s been sent on mission after mission, barely stopping to catch his breath. He calls when he can and texts between deployments, but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s avoiding me.

I still haven’t confronted him about what I found on his computer, the truth behind his arm, or the ruins of that building and the secrets buried in its ashes. But maybe that’s just as much on me as it is on him. I don’t know how to bring it up, don’t know how to demand answers without fearing what they’ll do to whatever fragile thing is left between us.

More secrets. More deflections. More lies wrapped in careful words and tired smiles. 

I can feel the crack widening, stretching into something vast and uncertain. I don’t know how to stop it before it becomes a chasm too deep to cross.

Dragging my hands through my sweaty hair, I reach for my phone. I know Caleb is on a mission; he might not answer, but I hit call. 

“Pip-squeak? Calling me at this hour? Should I be flattered?”

I let out a short laugh, trying to match his teasing tone. “Oh, obviously. I was just lying here, thinking wow, I really miss being bullied by Caleb. Couldn’t sleep without it.”

His chuckle is warm and easy. “Well, mission accomplished. Consider yourself properly bullied. Now, what’s up? Bored? Lookin’ for trouble?”

I open my mouth to fire back with something witty, but the words don’t come. My throat tightens. I squeeze my eyes shut, gripping the phone like a lifeline.

“…Inara?” His voice shifts, playful amusement giving way to attentive concern. “What’s wrong?”

“I—I had a nightmare,” I admit, barely above a whisper. “I don’t know why it got to me so bad, but…” I trail off, swallowing hard.

“Tell me.”

I take a shaky breath. “I was little. In a lab. Everything was white—too white. There were people in coats, and they kept taking me places. Hurting me. Strapping me into a chair and shocking me until—” My voice breaks.

There’s a sharp inhale on the other end of the line, but Caleb doesn’t speak right away.

I press the heel of my palm against my forehead. “And you were there. Not you now. You as a kid. We were together, but they kept separating us. And you were trying to protect me, but you couldn’t. And I—” My breath shudders. “God, Caleb, it felt so real.”

“It’s okay,” he murmurs. “There’s nothing to be afraid of. You’re safe.”

“But what if I was? What if it’s real, Caleb? What if it actually happened?”

Silence. Too long. Too telling.

“…It was just a nightmare, Pip.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. “Then why do you sound like you’re lying?”

His exhale is quiet, borderline pained. “I’m not lyin’,” he assures, but there’s something off about the way he says it.

The crack between us yawns wider, and I wince internally. “Are you coming home soon?” 

“Not sure,” he sighs but doesn’t offer anything further. 

“Just…” I hesitate, not sure what I want to say. Our conversations often go like this lately, like we’ve forgotten how to simply talk to each other. “Come home safe, okay?” 

“I will always come back to you, Inara.”

He sounds so sure, but he’s always been better at pretending than I have. I wish I could throw myself into that certainty and never look back, but there’s still too much I don’t know.

“I’m sorry, I gotta go. Try to get some rest, okay? Goodnight,” he says softly before hanging up.

“Night.” 

I stare at the screen, my fingers still pressed against it as if holding onto him, trying to keep him here for just a little longer.

The dream… It felt so real, but if it actually happened, why can’t I recall anything? Why is it that whenever I try to grasp for it, they dance just out of reach, ebbing like candlelight before the wax runs dry?

Why do I feel like a painter trying to capture mist on canvas, chasing what refuses to be held?

I come back from my morning run, music still blasting in my ears, and I’m lip-syncing the lyrics like I’m auditioning for a reality TV show, stretching my legs before stepping into my apartment.

As soon as I open the door, the scent hits me—a mouthwatering mix of egg tarts, crispy bacon, and something fruity. My stomach growls louder than the music blaring through my earbuds. I peek into the kitchen, and there’s Caleb, grinning like he just pulled off the world’s best prank, a flipper in his hand, and the biggest smirk on his face.

Without thinking, I throw myself at him. He doesn’t flinch, just laughs and wraps his arms around me, steadying me as I crash into him.

“Well, aren’t you a sweaty mess. Did you run through a rainstorm, or is this just… your natural scent?”

I shove him playfully, laughing at myself, though I can feel that slight heat prickle my cheeks. “I just got back from running! You think I’m going to smell like roses after that?”

“You smell like somethin’, that’s for sure.” He lets out a little chuckle and pulls away, slipping the earbuds from my neck and setting them on the counter. “But I guess I’ll overlook it. You’ve earned a free pass.”

“You’re lucky I’m in a good mood,” I tease back, still not quite ready to let go of him, but I pull away. “When did you get back? I thought you were on some big mission?”

His grin widens, and he leans against the counter, looking entirely too pleased with himself. “This mornin’. You sounded like you needed some Caleb time last night, so I ended the mission early.”

I blink at him, genuinely surprised. “You can do that?”

“Pip-squeak,” he drawls lazily, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I’m the colonel. They can’t even fly without my permission.”

I stare at him for a moment. “You mean you’re like, that important?”

“More important than you realize,” he retorts, flicking my forehead with a playful glint in his eyes. “Now, how about you stop complaining and let me spoil you with some breakfast?”

I let out a dramatic sigh. “Well, you are the colonel.”

“Damn straight,” he grins, scooping a perfectly cooked egg tart from the counter and holding it out to me. “Now eat. Or I’ll force-feed you.”

As I finish chewing on the last bite of my egg tart, Caleb’s voice breaks through my thoughts. He’s stirring something on the stove, but his eyes flick over to me with a mischievous smile.

“I was thinking we could hit the amusement park today,” he says casually, but I can hear the anticipation in his tone. “You know, ride some roller coasters, play the stupid games, the usual.”

It’s always been our thing. Ever since we were kids. When I was sad, when things weren’t going right, Caleb would show up with his signature grin and say, “How about we go on a rollercoaster?” And that was always enough to chase away the storm clouds in my head. We’d get on every ride we could, scream our lungs out, then he’d take me to the game booths.

I remember those huge stuffed animals, the ones I always wanted but could never seem to win. Caleb, though? He’d just casually win them all, using his Evol to nudge the odds in his favour, making sure I got the biggest, fluffiest ones.

“Are you serious? You know I’m in.” I practically leap to my feet, excitement bubbling up. “I’m gonna shower, be right back!”

I can already feel my pulse quickening. The amusement park sounds like the perfect escape, the perfect distraction from everything else.

When I finish drying off, I pull on a pair of dark jeans that hug my legs just right and a soft, white blouse that dips low at the neckline. I line my eyes in a dark charcoal, smudging it out at the corners, apply mascara, and tint my lips a rosy, glossy pink. My hair cascades into soft waves that frame my face.

I try not to think too hard about why I am putting more effort into my makeup than I ever do or why I choose some slightly healed sandals that will not be entirely comfortable for a day walking around an amusement park.

I grab my jacket and head back into the living room, where Caleb waits. He turns as I walk in, eyes catching mine. His gaze softens, and he grins, making no effort to hide the way he takes me in.

“Look at you,” he purrs, voice low and teasing. “You clean up well, pip-squeak.”

I smirk at him, trying to play it cool. “You think so?” I ask, trying to brush off the warm feeling that rises in my chest.

“I know so. At this rate, I will have to beat the men away,” he teases with a wink, clearly appreciating what he’s seeing. “Ready to hit the park? The rollercoasters won’t ride themselves.”

“Let’s go. I’m gonna kick your ass at those games, you know.”

“You sure about that?” he challenges, a sly grin pulling at the corners of his lips. “I’ll just use a little ‘help’ from my Evol, like old times.”

I roll my eyes but can’t help the smile spreading across my face. “You’re going to need all the help you can get, Caleb.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that,” he teases, grabbing his own jacket as he heads to the door. “Let’s go, it’s time to show you how it’s done.”

The air at the amusement park is warm, the sun high and bright, casting a golden glow over everything. The scent of popcorn and cotton candy floats by, mixing with the sound of distant screams from roller coasters. It feels like a perfect day, the kind where everything else fades into the background and all that matters is right here, right now.

Caleb and I fall into our old rhythm as soon as we step through the gates. The excitement is electric between us, like it always was when we were kids, but now there’s an undercurrent of unprecedented jittery tension.

“Still scared of the Ferris wheel?” Caleb challenges, eyes twinkling with mischief as he smirks at me. “Do you remember the way you used to beg me to take you on it, but as soon as we got to the top, you would grip the bar so hard your knuckles turned white and beg me to use my Evol to steady the rocking of the seat?”

“You rocked it on purpose, Caleb!” I shoot back with a scowl. “The seats literally say ‘do not rock,’ and there you were, rocking it! I thought it would go right around!” 

He laughs, the sound rich and full, and I can’t help but smile. His energy is infectious, the way his confidence radiates, and it draws me in even more than usual.

We start walking toward the first ride, and I feel a tug in my chest, pulling me closer to him. He’s right there, always right there, his presence warm and magnetic. I’m aware of how he moves, the way his hand brushes mine as we walk. Accidental? Maybe, but it sends a shiver through me, a pulse in my core that I try very hard to ignore. 

He steps ahead to grab the tickets, and as he hands them to me, his fingers brush across my palm. The touch is casual, but there’s something about the way it lingers, just a second longer than it should, that makes my heart skip several beats, possibly stop for a moment altogether, before launching into my throat.

“Don’t you dare rock it,” I warn, trying to push away the heat creeping up my neck.

The ride jerks into motion, and we’re lifted into the sky. The world beneath us gets smaller, the park stretching out like a toy landscape. Caleb grins at me, that mischievous glint still in his eyes.

“You’re not scared, are you?” He asks, his voice teasing but gentle.

I roll my eyes, attempting to keep my cool. “I’m not scared.”

He chuckles and leans in, his shoulder brushing against mine, sending a jolt of warmth straight through me that pools and spreads as a pleasant tingle in places I would very much rather it not.

“Let me know if you need me to hold your hand,” he murmurs, his timbre husky and intimate.

I tilt my head to look at him, and the space between us narrows in a way that feels intentional. My breath catches in my throat, and I swallow, trying to steady myself.

“I’m fine,” I manage, my voice a little breathier than I want it to be. 

I try to act unaffected, even as the butterflies in my stomach threaten to take over. We ride in silence for a moment, but I can’t shake the feeling that we’re both acutely aware of the way our shoulders touch, of how close we are, even as the world below continues to spin.

When we finally make it off the ride, Caleb’s hand moves to my waist, his fingers pressing lightly into the fabric of my shirt. It’s a simple gesture, just guiding me through the crowd, but it sends a jolt of heat through my body.

“I’ll protect you from the mascots,” he says with a grin, his hand lingering on my waist a fraction longer than necessary as we pass a rambunctious bear mascot.

“Thanks,” I reply, the words falling out of my mouth a little too softly, a little too breathless.

As we wait in line for the next ride, the sun beating down on us, the energy between us shifts. I can feel Caleb’s presence beside me, his shoulder brushing mine. He moves so naturally, so fluidly, always just a step away, but close enough to make the air between us feel permeated with implicit longing. 

At some point, I lean into him as we stand in line, my cheek lightly grazing his arm. I don’t even think about it. It’s instinctive, like my body just craves the closeness. Caleb doesn’t seem to mind, not in the slightest. His hand finds the small of my back, a subtle touch, just enough to make me feel like I’m completely under his spell.

“You’re not trying to get me to hold your hand again, are you?” He jests, his lips curling into a half-smile as his thumb trails down the back of my hand.

There’s something in his eyes, tender and full of promise, and I feel a shiver run down my spine.

“Maybe,” I admit.

His hand moves to the side of my waist, his thumb brushing the edge of my shirt as he turns slightly toward me and leans in close. “You’re not as subtle as you think, pip-squeak,” he murmurs, his breath warm against my ear.

I meet his gaze, heart threatening to revolt, and I pray he can’t hear how hard he makes it beat. “Guess I’ll just have to try harder.”

He chuckles, his fingers grazing my waist again. The suspense between us is palpable, electric, as if we’re both walking a line we’re not sure we want to cross, but neither of us is willing to back away. 

For the rest of the day, it’s like this. Every touch, every glance, each teasing word we exchange is fraught with something that feels more and more inevitable by the second.

The day has been nothing short of perfect—full of laughter, teasing, and the kind of closeness that feels just a little too intimate, like we’re hovering on the edge of something we both know we should either step into or pull away from.

As we walk out of the amusement park, the light is fading, and the air has that soft, golden quality of evening settling in. Caleb offers to take me home, his voice casual, but there’s a glint in his eye that feels like he’s just as unwilling to say goodbye as I am.

I hesitate, the words caught in my throat. An unfamiliar ache blooms in my chest. I can feel the heat creeping into my palms, itching with the urge to pull him close and never let go.

“Are you going on another mission after today?” I ask, my voice quieter than I mean it to be, betraying the swell of uncertainty roiling in my stomach.

He glances at me. “Do you want me to?”

“No.” I admit it before I can stop myself, my words coming out a little too quickly, a little too honestly. My fingers twitch, wanting to reach out for him, but I hold back, the hesitation virtually painful. “I don’t want you to.”

His expression seems to fall into a sadness I can’t place, and for a moment, I think I see something flicker in his eyes—like maybe he’s been waiting for me to ask him to stay.

“Then… I won’t,” he agrees, his voice quiet but firm.

I chew on my lip, feeling a little exposed. A hundred thoughts crash through my mind, all tangled up in the mess of my feelings for him. This has always been more than just physical attraction, hasn’t it? The way he’s always been there, the way he knows me better than anyone else. And yet, neither of us has ever fully admitted what this is—what we mean to each other.

“Can I come home with you tonight?” The question comes out soft, unsure, like I’m asking permission to cross a line neither of us has spoken about.

Caleb’s eyes widen for a moment, a flash of surprise passing through them. “You want to come home with me?” His voice is low, as if he’s testing the weight of the question, as if he’s not sure whether it’s something I really mean or just some passing thought.

I nod, feeling the heat flood my cheeks, suddenly self-conscious. “Yeah. I do. If that’s… okay.”

The silence between us stretches, hanging thick in the air. Caleb looks down at me; the teasing smile falls out of place, like he’s considering it, weighing the idea.

“Is this the part where I admit I’d much prefer having you with me tonight than being alone?” he says, the humour in his voice laced with something a little more serious. “Because if so, I guess I’ll admit it. I want you there, too.”

My breath hitches, and I look away for a second, blinking as if that will clear the sudden rush of emotions. His words hang in the air between us, loaded, and for a split second, I wonder if he’s trying to say more than just the surface level.

“Then, let’s go home.” I reply, my voice more steady now, though still tinged with nervous energy. 

Chapter Masterlist My sincere apologies to everyone being edged along with me.

[just-some-sorta-person]

Can I ask, who are your top 7 favorite romantic relationship's couples in books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series/etc (can be canon or non-canon) and your top 10 favorite characters ever from any media? Why do you love them all? Thanks if you want to answer....

Sure!

Ships (in rough order)

Nagireo from Blue Lock

my current obsession, going on strong for like more than a year by now. Also the first ship where I actually interacted with fandom meaningfully for a prolonged people of time instead of mostly ghosting. They’re really special to me! I think something I like about them is how core their relationship is to their story, and exploring their characters. It makes fan content and AUs really interesting and fun. In my opinion, a lot of their issues would still exist without blue lock, and they’d have to work them out in any setting, and I think that’s neat.

Satosugu From Jujutsu Kaisen

my past obsession, I spent a great deal of time with them as well before moving on to nagireo. Something I think of when it comes to stsg is the idea of an unfulfilled love that’s not lesser or weaker by virtue of being unfulfilled. I really like the idea that Gojo’s last words to geto were “I love you”, said for the first time at the end for this reason. Well, I am an angst enjoyer. I also enjoy the concept of love not being enough. Gojo and Geto’s individual relationship to power and agency is pretty cool to dive into too, the roles they had to fill in society and such. Their diverging paths. A good ship can’t be made with bad/uninteresting characters after all and I like all the character study fics out there.

those're kinda the two big ones.

Yuudai X Taisei from Sakana

Read sakana here right this moment its very special to me

Ah yes the awkwardness of drunk kissing your coworkers bestie that you're certain is way too good for you. I love love love them so much. They're just very comforting to me. Anxious eel and silly octopus (all of the cast of characters have assigned aquatic organisms). The comic as a whole deals a lot with anxiety, which is really cathartic, but I think in general its really nice seeing Yuudai opening up to people. I also like Yuudai's pessimism and skittery abrasive personality being balanced out by Taisei's optimism and cheerfulness. They also just make for some funny interactions that I've really liked reading heheh

Vanoe from Vanitas no Carte-

It’s the great gatsby vibes, the sunshine character and the deeply traumatized character who doesn’t see themselves as lovable, etc. I really love them and may or may not have made a slide deck presentation on Vanitas no carte for powerpoint night with my friends and 1/3 of it was centered around them.

Ludovica X Luck from Tiger Tiger-

Since this isn't an anime/is probably more obscure, here's the link to Tiger Tiger! Independently published by the artist and free to read, though you can also buy the first book to read in bookstores and such. I genuinely recommend it so much.

Ludovica and Luck are just so funny together, I love them so much. It's an eldritch doomsday god and the hyperfixated-on-sea-sponges mad scientist said being wants to impress. what is there not to like? its chaos x chaos but 2 different flavors. Also the source material is great, and very queer. #stealing your brother's ship to study sea sponges and getting caught up in doomsday. Also him and his 2nd mate are in love but dont realize bc reasons. Its great.

Bachirin from Blue Lock-

grumpy x sunshine always gets me. Plus their parallels and the whole loneliness thing. It’s a great ship- though what really sold me was reading fics like The Sun Will Come up. They really have so much potential.

Kide X Coel from Project Novos

another comic free to read here except this one has.. been on hiatus since 2022.. cries. I think the author has mentioned getting back to it though. Project Novos fulfills my childhood friends to enemies that dont actually hate each other to lovers dreams. The plot follows a government conspiracy and uprising but the story centers around Coel and Kide's relationship, which I do expect to be carried out romantically despite not being explicit so far (in part because it is not a mainstream manga).

This too, also follows the more optimistic character x a more pessimistic traumatized character trope... I have a type ok

... the ship list kinda turned into a bit of a rec list, but with some exceptions, my enjoyment of a relationship tends to do a lot with my enjoyment of the story its in unless I get fixated so...

hmm other ships ive liked... narumi x hirotaka from wotakoi.. hualian from tgcf, bingqui from svsss.... wait actually, there's too many lets move on.

Characters

Let's limit it to one character per show/series/etc to make this easier and avoid me just being like "the whole cast of sakana" or "the whole cast of tiger tiger" or "These characters from Dungeonmeshi..." too many options...

this is in no particular order. Also you might notice a lot of these characters come from the ships above

Yuudai Tanaka from Sakana

I like seeing characters suffer from anxiety, especially in a more ugly way, because I suffer from anxiety, and while I'm a lot nicer than Yuudai, I get frustrated when anxiety is portrayed in a way that may seem "cute" because it really doesn't feel "cute" hahaha. I mean, being anxious can mean being shy sometimes, which I can understand finding cute, but it can also mean being avoidant, skittish, or less friendly.

Ludovica Bonnaire from Tiger Tiger

She's chaotic, she's sweet, she's adorable, she's remarkably intelligent, she's fixated on sea sponges and wants to learn more about them! I really love Ludovica. She feels really refreshing as a character- a woman of science who's bubbly, excitable, and chaotic. She's kind of naive, but not at all dumb or incompetent. She falls into the mad scientist category without it defining her character. She doesn't let anything stop her but isn't somehow perfect, and she's incredibly funny. She's just great!

Nagi Seishiro from Blue Lock

Just.. look at him. he has a cactus, that's like plus 20 points

I have a soft spot for characters that are more subtly lacking in life and struggling, but aren't conscious of it. Also characters that discover that there's more to life than they first thought. Nagi seems fine on the outside, but if you look at some of his habits, they're actually rather concerning - subsisting off jelly packets, thinking life is a pain, getting a cactus to practice talking to people because he hadn't TALKED in so long. One of the nicest/most meaningful things his parents said to him that made him happy being "Don't die".. I also enjoy his disconnect from other people, and how he doesn't really understand the world around him.

I also like the space he occupies within the blue lock canon as a “hidden path”, and the contrast he presents in comparison to the other characters. I think Nagi is made more interesting by being a side character to Blue Lock than if he was the true main character. Idk if that’s a controversial take to have about your fav haha but really I think being the main character of a spinoff is the best place he could be. His situationship with the most important person in his life that he met 6 months ago is great too.

Greed from Fullmetal Alchemist

I LOVE the concept of the friendship is magic character being greed itself. I like the idea of interpersonal love being related to greed. Greed is wanting things, and it is often villainized, but wanting things is the basis of so much more than what we usually associate with greed - and in fact, some of our deepest wants are related to love - in all the forms it takes. Anyways, Greed is very special to me.

Vanitas from Vanitas no Carte

I just love a character who hates themselves so much that they won't let themselves be loved, but they don't have a gloomy exterior to reflect that (making it harder to tell).

Geto Suguru from Jujutsu Kaisen

I think I just love a guy who put so much pressure on himself to torture himself doing the right thing that he crashed out and did all the bad things. I see it as kind of the downfalls of needing everything to be simple and solvable. Geto preserved his sense of control and the livability of his own life, at the expense of becoming a bad person. That's something to explore, to me.

Him being gay (for his bff) is also a plus

Hirotaka Nifuji from Wotakoi

I have a tendency to like characters I find relatable. I haven't watched Wotakoi in awhile but I remember really resonating with Hirotaka. Because I haven't rewatched in awhile it's kinda just a vibe rn tho haha I can't really explain it.. But maybe it has something to do with the muted/quieter way he tends to express himself, despite still having his own inner world.

Anya Forger from Spy Family

I don't really relate to Anya at all, and I don't have any complicated reasons for this. She's just a cutie patootie who deserves the world

Laios Touden from Dungeon meshi

I love Laios and its definitely because I find him relatable. His difficulty connecting with people, his fixation on monsters, his appreciation of food... And I really like how his difficulty connecting with people and him being a weirdo is paired with a genuine desire to connect with them, and do good, as well as leadership skill.

I wanna eat living armor too...

Mafuyu Sato from Given

Given actually got me through a really hard time at one point, so its really special to me. Mafuyu's journey in general is very special to me, especially as someone who has had trouble expressing/processing their feelings before too.

[theolmtales]

Manor Headcanon (Updated 25/MR/2025)

Heya, so I made a list of my personal headcanon about the manor for my OS collection. That way you guys can have a better idea of the rules I follow when writting.

Feel free to share your opinions & ideas with me & others. I love to see how people imagine or interpret this world. Especially if it's different from my own. The different interpretation is what makes this so interesting & unique:) Even if you're not into X Reader I encourage you to share if you wish to. Let's just have some fun with our brainrots.

Now for my own thought :

General rules:

The manor they are trapped in is an alternative version of the real one. The one behind the games passed a deal with some eldritch gods (Wonder which ones). Whether that guy made a fair deal or not is to be seen. But with the eldritch gods, there is no winning. The manor exists outside of time and space. The survivors & hunters are stuck in an infinite loop in the manor vicinity.

The manor is bigger on the inside & accommodates its occupants (more on that later).

Survivors & hunters do not interact outside matches. They live in the same manor but in two different planes of existence. Sometimes you can find places where the line between the two manors is blurry, or people can ask for permission & then cross between the two sides. The time can also affect the ability to travel between the 2 planes (like the full moon, midnight, etc.).

People don’t necessarily get along. Most of them try to kill each other after all. Hunters & survivors distrust each other, & the relationship depends on each individual for every faction. They usually refer to each other by their profession name. If they know each others’ names, it’s usually because they got along or they were together/knew each other in their original match/life.

How you get trapped:

Everyone experienced their actual game or games (like the ashes of memory or Closing Night stories) at first.

If you die, you wake up in the manor, somehow still alive in your room.

If you survive & leave the manor, you actually never left it. You can walk away as much as you want, but you’ll always end up back at your starting point. The Manor entrance.

For the ones who participated in more than one game, the manor let them go because it knows they will come back.

The order of arrivals at the trapped manor does not correspond to the order in which they came to play the game. Someone from game 9 can arrive before everyone from game 0. Someone whose identity changes, ex: Luchino, who turned into Evil Reptilian after being the Professor, the second identity can arrive before the first one.

For the ones who have multiple identities, they share the same memory up until they got trapped &/or transformed. Example: The professor would have all the memories until he became Evil Reptilian. Evil Reptilian will have all the memories of Professor + his own, but he develops a different personality. So, Identity Switches don’t necessarily get along (they usually don’t, since their hunter counterparts reflex the darker side of themselves that they try to contain. & The Hunter’s counterparts view their survivor counterpart as an incomplete/weaker version of their own self.).

The manor seems to have a mind of its own.

Nobody found a way to get out for now. Not even Fiona Holy Key worked & she keeps trying to perfect her skills.

The time:

People are stuck in the state they were when they came to the manor. Basically, they don’t age nor change. There is a perimeter outside the manor that is part of it. If you keep going in one direction, you either come back to the manor or get to one of the game maps (How to trigger one or the other is unknown. In that case, it seems that you are under the manor’s capricious desires). The different maps exist & can be accessible outside matches. But you will not be protected if you run into someone ill intentioned.

Although time does not pass, it gives the illusion of it. Seasons pass, but they always stay the same every “year.” But never the same number of days. Sometimes winters can last a few weeks; other times it seems like it lasted a whole year, maybe more. The passage of time is simply put; weird.

While the constellations remain the same, something doesn’t feel right while you look at them. But nobody can put their finger on it. Something in this sky is missing.

No animals (other than the ones accompanying the occupants) are present. The sounds of frogs & crickets are heard at night, and birds sing in the morning, but no animals or insects can be found. How do plants even survive then? Nobody known. But they seem to be real ones. Everyone tries to pay it no mind because they fear turning mad (that’s how it usually goes when you’re involved with eldritch gods & comic horrors. You’re better off not paying too much attention to it).

Somehow, Melly & Luchino are still able to find samples for their research. But among the samples, some of them are… suspicious. Emma doesn’t seem to find anything weird with the plants. But she’s not the most trustworthy when it comes to these kinds of things. She is not completely sane after all…

The manor accommodations:

Miss Nightingale seems to run the place, but she doesn’t seem to have a mind of her own. & Nobody can figure out what her real role is. But if you need something that you can’t normally find, you go ask her. She will either permit it or not. But she seems more akin to a puppet. A puppet you should be wary of.

While time doesn’t exist, holidays can still be celebrated. Some celebrate them to keep a semblance of normalcy. Sometimes you wake up with the manor decorated according to it, but nobody seems to be behind it, & Miss Nightingale won’t answer you.

New rooms are being added to fit the new occupant. Each person gets a personal room. The room adjusts itself to its occupant. For example, Mary got her royal room (who is bigger than most people’s house), Melly got a room similar to her old one with a space for her studies & Lucky got a simple plain room (the exact one he used to live in). You don’t get what you want, just something that represents you.

The room will fit the personality & resemble their old home. But not exactly. Norton room got a workplace & he likes it, but the bedroom part looks like his old mining room. He hates it, so he often sleeps in his workspace.

Your closet got all the clothes you ever own at some point. You can’t change your clothes for the game; it needs to stay the same (It’s always the same one that you used for your original game). But you can change clothes outside them. Usually, people just wear the equivalent of the B-tier skin. There’s no occasion to dress up in here.

The skins specific to their lore can be found too. Like the Once or Dark Side, one's. But there are no skins related to the crossovers or the essences.

You also have a lot of your old possessions, likes books, toys, instruments, etc. It depends on the person. You can’t throw them away, ask Norton & Florian; they tried to blow Norton old mining equipment. Florian just wanted to see what the dynamite explosion looked like, so he made up an excuse. The equipment was back in Norton’s room the day after, without a single scratch.

Some people got maids & butlers. It’s the same one as in the games; they are associated with specific people, like Mary. (What a surprise)

Food is not a problem; the closets are always full. You can either cook or have it prepared. If you don’t cook, the food is already served at your place. Waiting for you at the table… Warm.

The games:

The games aren’t scheduled. You can have multiple games in a week & than nothing for months. Miss Nightingale will inform you the day beforehand. There’s only normal & duo. You don’t choose a game or your partners; you can only obey.

(The other mode doesn’t seem to fit too much for me; I really want to keep the hunters & survivors as separated factions. So, unless exception, I won’t be using them.)

Why do people continue to participate?

If you don’t go to the waiting room, you’ll end up there anyway. No point fighting thought everyone tried at least once. It is, after all, human nature.

Every time something happens during a match, there’s a sound, like a horn being blown. A different sound for every action (half-health, terror shock, etc.). So, every survivor & hunter learned to recognize them with time.

You can’t see the hunters, but sometimes you can catch a few hints about whom it is (Like Evil Reptilian tail sticking out for a brief moment when he doesn’t pay attention).

You can’t get out of the game until you win or lose. Survivors don’t want to suffer; they experience death & pain during these matches. Nobody wants to explode in the air or underground. Or feel the slow agony of your blood escaping your body until nothing but darkness is left.

Whenever a match starts, hunters who aren’t particularly fond of the games will have uncontrollable bloodlust. Others are just sadist.

Wounds accumulate, but you can heal each other. Usually by ripping apart your clothes for some makeshift bandage. If you die, you wake up in the infirmary. Your unhealed wounds still need to be patched, though. Your wounds heal faster & don’t leave scars (the body can’t change after all). It can still be slow, but you’re always healthy when going into another match. The same wounds can take a different amount of time to heal; nobody knows why.

Hunters don’t get wounded. But they get bruised. Especially when two specific sport guys are on.

Hunters & survivors’ actions are restricted during the match. But outside there are no restrictions. So, Naib could probably win against most people & hunters.

Other personal headcanon:

Demi’s alcohol just makes you forget you got wounds.

Emily does play the role of the doctor. She feels accomplished because nobody else got the competence nor will try to restrain her. Unlike all those men who couldn’t recognize that a woman could be just as capable as them. But she also feels guilty about the people she caused harm or death & she often overworks herself because of that. Nothing forces her to heal people outside of matches, but she feels like she has to. She also can’t completely let go of her kindness; she got an oath to fulfill.

Emma only trusts Emily & she can become dangerous. She’s unstable & only Emily has a semblance of control over it.

Murro, Kurt & Servais try to avoid Naib (Wonder why).

Naib doesn’t have a grudge against anyone. He was simply doing his job (However, Kurt’s obnoxiousness is very annoying to him). But people won’t trust him. They have the impression anyone could ask him to do anything in exchange for something useful to him. He is, in fact, not like that. For him, it was just a way of earning money & he was good at it. It’s the only way he knew how to. But now, money is useless in this place. He has no reason to continue. But he does tend to be impulsive.

Hastur & Yidhra never get less than a 4K. You rarely end up against them, but whenever it happens, nobody is fine or safe. They never participate in duo. There is no hope against them.

Theses 2 can’t get forced into a game. If they’re in a game, it’s because they choose to be & sometimes, they want specific people. Pray it’s not you they caught interested in today.

Yidhra as some favourite followers. For personal fun I headcanon 3–4 of them (they got their whole backstory at this point; if you’re curious, feel free to ask about them). They exchanged places as her main followers (not leeches) during the matches. They look like the others, but she allows them to keep their personality as long as they obey her completely. She changed their name to be a variation of her.

If you take out one of Yidhra’s leeches, it dies.

Yidhra’s followers are not children, they’re people she lured into becoming her little puppets. It can be anyone, guys or gals.

Nobody could find Hastur & Yidhra’s room (also nobody tries; they know better). Yidhra’s room is actually hidden in plain sight. Hastur’s room as an aura that makes everyone avoid even his hallway. If you’re getting near his room, you can feel it & nobody stays around to find out.

It’s not rare for survivors to get sight of the Cat in the manor (Ann’s & Alva’s god).

Nobody trusts nor likes Jack. He’s too sadistic & delusional. At least this version of him.

Memory does not have any actual memory of being Alice; she’s a creation of Orpheus’s drugged mind. But she does get along with her adult counterpart. Her memory is blurry.

The real Alice likes to entertain her, because they are still very similar. It’s a mix between a little sister & a lost child, not really one or the other.

Tracy once tried to see if Miss Nightingale was a robot & if she could be dismantled.

Lucky is an unknown variable. He seems to be from a more recent time, but nobody knows exactly when, not even him. He doesn’t even know if he’s real anymore.

He actually was the first one stuck in the manor. He & group 4 (the first 4 survivors) just ran into each other at some point. Group 4 thought he was a ghost or the person that trapped them at first. He’s a very stealthy guy; he’s very easily forgotten.

That's all for now. If I want to had some infos I'll but an update at the beginning.

Like I said earlier, feel free to share your how headcanons, I'm always happy to known or share about them. If you're not confortable & suffer heavy anxiety like me, but would like to share, you can send a private ask:) Let's have some fun if you guys are down for it.

[murfeelee]

Things INZOI did better than SIMS 4 - TheRedPlumbob

I played inZOI all weekend (my Live Mode thoughts coming... eventually; IRL’s way too hectic atm), and I can confirm that every bit of this video is very accurate (except the decor animals bit, kinda sorta). But ofc we been knew TS4′s a effing joke, even being 10+ years old now.

I agree with TRP that inZOI’s biggest pro is that it’s wide open for possibilities, esp. since it launched with more basegame features than TS4 (AND TS3, lest we forget).

But my biggest worry for Krafton is that they’ll RUSH tryna catch up to The Sims (a franchise with a 20-year head start), and give us more features, sure--but with even less replayability, variety, and DEPTH than EA managed. Yeah, you can do A LOT in inZOI (plenty of things The Sims NEVER let us do, esp. not  at launch). And yes, these features are better than TS4. But TS4′s dog trash, too long in the tooth and having by far exceeded its welcome. 

TS4 should NEVER be the barometer of a genuinely GOOD game.

This all boils down to style vs substance: how much there is for different sims/zois TO DO, and for how long before things get too repetitive/boring.

So I also agree that inZOI’s biggest con is that there’s a *charm* to The Sims that’s very hard to beat. 

And I think that’s cuz The Sims franchise was never meant to take itself too seriously--a lot of it was supposed to spoof IRL, not be a 1:1 carbon copy (which is precisely why I always get mad when people complain about Occults like ghosts & aliens & vampires being in the game, like stfu, TS1 was a frikkin cartoon--the unhinged cartoons they made back in the day that were never meant for kids. 👀 TS4 is hella cartoonish--looking more & more goofy every dang day as it tries to appeal to younger & younger demographics--which was a mistake, as it’s been censoring itself & softening what made The Sims EDGY). 

Conversely, inZOI feels made for adults, not kids--but boring AF conservative millennials who wouldn’t know edgy if it hit them with a bus IMHO. inZOI is playing it WAY too safe, to the point that it feels GENERIC. It needs a personality, stat. But I can already tell from its conservative-leaning limitations that Krafton’s scared to go in directions The Sims did that made the game truly interesting & dynamic.

I have a whole rant about inZOI my spirit’s sitting on, cuz it really pissed me off, but IRL has delayed me finishing my post. This is me actually holding back, cuz I legit don’t have time. But I hope that Krafton takes the MOUNTAIN of complaints & feedback it’s been getting to open the game up more, flesh out the world(s), and get the stick out of its arse ASAP (no pun intended). This beta’s great, and inZOI definitely has good bones to work with, which ofc is more than TS4 could say at launch--which we’ve all been paying for ever since (10+ years and no cars, ffs). But eff these surface-level features, if deeper gameplay like careers, hobbies, romance, family interactions, and cultural variety aren’t up to the standards set by TS1, TS2, and TS3. Time will tell. But I’m cautiously optimistic.

[genderqueerdykes]

this is prob silly but i appreciate you being so candid about not interacting with much media (like film/tv/pop culture stuff). it's kind of hard to be on tumblr or really even exist if you're not able to interact with media but it's a big trigger for me so i just... can't. like, i've never had anyone understand that it's not a choice i'm making to be special/different/lazy i just have extreme and unhealthly reactions to most media, except some books and comics. which idk if that's how it is for you (its not my business or anything) but i've never felt seen/represented about it before so im thankful, yk?

i appreciate you for sending this! i don't find it silly at all

i think it's very good for you to acknowledge that you have an unhealthy relationship with most forms of media. i'm sorry that you're going through this, but consuming media is not a requirement nor is it something that you genuinely need for your mental health, so it's okay that that's how you feel. i appreciate this because it gives me a chance to talk about something that is important to me, but people struggle to understand why that is

my parents used to make fun of whatever i was watching or playing as a kid over my shoulder. i used to get relentlessly mocked every time i put on a show i liked or played a game in front of either of them. it caused me to have severe trauma for years where i couldn't watch or play anything around other people at all. i still don't like when people ask me to put on things that i do like for a big group. the stress i feel when other people don't enjoy it is not worth it. i'm still very uncomfortable doing this to this day

i've felt pretty alienated all my life due to this. it seems like now more than ever, media, especially fictional media, is so important to general modern culture that it creates a barrier between people who do and don't engage. and it's not like it's a passive thing, i have people get offended at me when i say i haven't seen a movie or TV show. not talking about anyone on here, or any anons i've answered about media! people have been kind and respectful here. but in my real life and in conversations with other people, i have genuinely been mocked or insulted because i don't engage with most television, movies, books and comics.

i've had people question my autism over this. when i've told people in the past that i do not engage with pop culture, fictional media and so on, i've had people actually say "but i thought you were autistic????" like it's genuinely frustrating that it seems like people have shifted to thinking that autistic people's special interests are always cartoons, games and TV shows. it worries me because at times it feels like people are turning the common definition of autism into Media Consumption Disorder. my special interests are queer history & culture, animals & nature, and medicine & psychology. i genuinely enjoy research, it's something i happily do for hours because it stimulates my brain and motivates me. it excites me just as much as i think fiction excites people who can enjoy it. it's more than okay for autistic people to have a piece of media as their special interest, i'm not saying that its not! but it frightens me that people seem to conflate "autistic" with "loves fictional media".

due to my DID, i can't remember plots. like at all. plots confuse the ever loving hell out of me because i can't keep track of what's going on. real life doesn't have a plot. science doesn't have a plot. i don't know if fully understand the point of a plot, honestly. expecting people to be able to remember such an absurd amount of information in order to figure out something that happens down the road or at the very end feels like a herculean task to me. i can't remember what happened to me 10 minutes ago, there's no way i'm remembering a tiny event that happened hours and hours and hours ago. scripted interactions feel so stiff and unnatural to me

people tell me i'm saying i don't know what they're talking about to "be an asshole". i used to have a best friend who got really into dungeons&dragons and it traumatized me for years because i got into at first, then quickly lost interest once i realized how boring actually playing the game is for me. my friend did NOT take it well. he continued to force me to play. if i would ask him to please change the conversation topic he would start insulting and berating me and telling me that i was pretending to not be interested anymore to be mean to him. he couldn't understand that i grew out of it. he never got any better with this, as he was obsessed with marvel films and would get super pissed off if i told him i had no interest or didn't know what to say to him. it was frustrating because i didn't have a choice whether or not i could like something. it was "if you don't like this, you're an asshole."

and it's not just him that's treated me that way. it's been most of my friends. for whatever reason, when you tell the average person that you haven't seen, or god forbid don't like a piece of media, they take it personally for... some reason. as if i said "no i don't watch that because that's bad" as opposed to what i actually say is "i don't know what that is" or "i haven't seen that". you would not believe how insecure people get when you tell them you don't like a piece of media they like. i'm not sure why people feel like their favorite media is an extension of themselves, but it's an unhealthy relationship. it's not healthy to get offended if your friend tells you they haven't seen a piece of media that you have.

i have aphantasia, which is the inability to picture things in my head. i don't get "sucked into" media like people with clearer mind's eyes do. i don't picture anything cool or epic or fun happening in my head because i can't. as a result, i don't get pulled into shows, i don't get invested in tabletop games, i don't really get that affected by the media that i watch because i am painfully aware that i'm staring at a pre-recorded and scripted show the entire time. i'm painfully aware that i'm staring at an actor in a costume i just cannot get immersed in most forms of media save for very rare video games but even then, i immediately stop thinking about it the second i'm done interacting with it

i just don't listen to music and that one baffles people as i'm punk. most music is just straight up overstimulating to me due to my autism. i'm not saying that music is bad, it just overstimulates the everloving hell out of me. most of the time it just hurts my ears or gives me a headache or triggers my misophonia, which results in me getting irrationally pissed off. it's not something i can control. i prefer to listen to nature sounds, very simple meditation music that is a few simple tones, or nothing at all. i actually enjoy silence. i enjoy not overloading my ears. i enjoy being alone with my own thoughts. i can't think when there's too much noise happening

video games are more enjoyable than anything else due to the interactive element, but that does not mean i am paying attention to the characters or the story. it's very rare that a game can actually make me get interested in the characters themselves. i'm just there for the gameplay. generally i prefer games like rollercoaster tycoon, tower unite and other games that don't have a plot at all and are strictly focused on gameplay. i have no idea how people memorize all the different characters and interactions and story beats in games that have an overarching plot.

it's a personal choice. you're allowed to choose what your hobbies and interests are. if pop culture stresses you out, you do not have to engage. i just straight up do not get pop culture references at all and i've had people laugh at me for it but i just really don't care, it's not what i'm interested in as a person. i feel like a lot of people aren't quite realizing that most popular media is made for profit, not to be something genuinely well written or entertaining. i'm not saying those things are bad but what i am saying is that it's a product meant to be consumed in order for you to help a generally huge company profit. there's very little soul and whimsy when it comes to most AAA games and big box office films. the artistic integrity is severely lacking

anyway, thank you for giving me a chance to talk about this more at length! it's why i'm just very honest about it because i'm not going to force myself to change my interests because some people find how i approach life strange, or take it personally. you're allowed to choose what you interact with and don't. you're allowed to define your own interests and hobbies. and i think you're doing a great thing by acknowledging that you have an unhealthy relationship with pop culture. a LOT of people do right now. it's manufactured to be addicting on purpose. binge watching things is encouraged and is becoming seen as a new norm. i don't think people like you or i deserve to be mocked for approaching life in ways that make sense to us. take care of yourself, i appreciate you!

[real-fire-emblem-takes]

hi to chrom hater anon i'm a professional chrom enjoyer

if you get deranged enough about awakening i think chrom is a very well done character :) he's ignorant but well meaning which meshes in interesting ways. he's not overtly prejudiced to the plegians he knows personally but still *generally* prejudiced because of his upbringing.

additionally in discussions of the ylisse-plegia war he tends to focus on how ylisse came away from it because that state of ylisse is what shaped his formative childhood years (seen particularly in his feelings about emmeryn's early years as exalt). this is UNDERSTANDABLE but still an extremely DEEPLY FLAWED and naive stance when doing politics on a larger scale, which chrom is incredibly ill-prepared for. it's a very childish view of a large scale conflict.

chrom's propensity for violence is a trait that actually deeply fascinates me. he has intense admiration for emmeryn's desire for peace yet he has a very short temper in tense situations (seen in basically all of chrom's interactions with gangrel), and he tends to lash out easily at anyone he views as an enemy. he admires peace but sees no other means to achieve it than violence. isn't that interesting. the implications here. like, he's the inheritor of the falchion, he's the only son in his family, in all likelihood it was expected that HE would take the throne and continue his father's war, but he was so young when the exalt passed that the crown went to emmeryn instead.

it really seems like emmeryn intentionally kept her siblings away from politics, which results in BOTH of them being naive in vastly different ways, with the expectation that she would always shoulder the burden of the crown yet left all the bigger a void when she died.

mind, intentionally being raised to behave this way isn't an excuse either. it's ultimately still something chrom, as an adult, SHOULD examine critically. this is, in fact, a character flaw, and i think its great.

you can then of course do nice little compare and contrast at the shitty dads, i.e. chrom's dad vs validar. robin's first act as an awakened god is murdering validar. robin became the monster everyone saw them as, the one their father thinks they were born to be. it's a neat lil nature vs nurture comparison if you really get into the depths of grima-ology (hi grima ✌️ mutuals).

to dig more into points the chrom hater anon makes.

"chrom is transphobic for killing excellus" do you hear yourself. excellus was an enemy commander. chrom has no personal grievances against the commanders other than they are part of the army with the known intent to raze ylisse.

SAME WITH ROBIN BURNING DOWN THE BOATS. THEY ARE AT WAR. IF ROBIN DIDNT DO THAT THEY'D ALL GET KILLED. they would have to fight the valm forces ON FOOT and BE KILLED VIOLENTLY because they are vastly outnumbered. it would be weird if he WASN'T at least happy about this.

he could stand to be regretful about the massive loss of human life but honestly hashtag robin warcrimes W.

"chrom makes sure to only recruit white ylisseans" i think this is just dev colorism actually. like you know how robin's dad (who is evil) is brown, but robin (who is good) is white? and how that makes no sense and robin should logically also be brown? i dont think chrom would've turned down if like, mustafa joined him. it is simply that intsys was still in their racism era (which is, tbh, only really ended with engage, like, cmon, look at literally all of FE, this isn't a chrom flaw, it's a FE being racist flaw.)

same with the sexism things actually FE is just homophobic and sexist a lot so all the characters are also by extension. this is called doylist analysis

Chrom tells Aversa "One person's life means nothing in the shadow of millions" Chrom is a hypocrite i hope this helps. additionally what aversa is doing is "help the dark god literally causing the apocalypse rn" whereas the sacrifice/save robin choice is "doom people in some hypothetical far off future" which is FAR less personal than "all of humanity RIGHT NOW".

TLDR: the real chrom enjoyers know about his character flaws and love him anyway because it's nice flavor to chew on

also never insult my beautiful daughter lucina ever again. she is deeply compelling even if she is narratively underutilized. anyone who calls themself a chrom fan and hates lucina is a faker and will not survive the winter.

also learn the difference between flaws of the story's writing and flaws of the character otherwise everybody in awakening is sexist.

anon you should read chrom/grima fanfiction unironically we fucking love tearing this dude to shreds for his flaws. this has all been a ploy to say that. chrom is naive and selfish and hypocritical and i love him very much he is my wif e :)

.

[justhistoryofus]

Canon or not canon: That is the Question

I wanted to explain to myself why people who shipped Destiel during the period of Supernatural were hoping for canonization of this ship. Why some people think that it is canon, some don’t. Why in the end Destiel, unlike the Wincest (at least to a greater extent), always had these canon wars and many fans cannot be satisfied with the fact that it is just "headcanon", "fan fiction", etc.

In short, I made a couple of diagrams.

And another question that I kept in my head while thinking about this - people like it. They are hooked by what has canon potential, but never becomes 100% canon (In this case, by canonization I mean a clear definition of the relationship between characters in a romantic way). At least I notice this in myself. And it's not just about shipping gays or something like that. The most striking current example for me is Daryl and Carol from the series "The Walking Dead". For me, they fit perfectly into the diagram I made. And that is why many fans who see their chemistry between each other still hope for the canonization of their relationship in the following seasons of "Daryl Dixon". Well, or the classic example of Mulder and Scully.

Of course, there is a obvious question: why is romantic canonization necessary for some people, why can’t we stop at “just friends”? In general, I think it is because we are used to the fact that very close relationships are built in art on the basis of romance. We have far fewer examples of stories of purely friendly relationships (not counting brotherly/sisterly ones). Especially when both characters have no other romantic interest for most of the story. Our brain literally thinks by associations and patterns, especially when we like the chemistry between the characters. I think that stories with a strong platonic connection are even more valuable in this regard than romantic ones (because it's something more atypical). But this doesn’t prevent the brain from working according to its laws of perception of art, which culture has taught us)

Basically, I just wanted to answer the question - why do all these canon wars even exist. In my opinion, not because it turned out so strangely that it was the Destiel fans who turned out to be especially crazy and don’t understand the concept of "headcanon" and "fan fiction". But because when creators step on the fragile ground of close relationships between people (and in our world it is no longer so important whether they are same-sex or opposite-sex), but at the same time describe them ambivalently - this is inevitable. And when the creators don't close the possibility of this interpretation until the very end (often intentionally), it's strange if someone asks the question: why are they even discussing whether this is canon or not? - Basically, because they still haven't received a clear answer.

It should also be noted that, of course, fan fiction often has no less artistic value than canon. But many people like the interaction of characters specifically in the canon story, they already see romantic chemistry there. They don't so much want to have a different story with these characters as they want confirmation that what they see in canon is literally in canon.

An obvious thought, I know, but when you dive into the chaotic world of fandom wars, sometimes it seems like people need to understand at least the basics first. Otherwise, you get some chaotic wars over the interpretation of individual 30 seconds of a series from a specific episode, one phrase of a character, and so on.

In general, I just like to organize my thoughts on shelves.

(I am not a native English speaker, it is my second language, so please do not judge me harshly if something is wrong)