#and in the meantime try antibiotics

[iwasraisedfromperdition]

.

[transmascissues]

i’m getting my drains out tomorrow and i’m sure things will be different after they’re gone, so here’s my observations about top surgery recovery as of 6 days post-op!

(click here for my first post, from 3 days after)

something i forgot to mention in my last post is that if they tell you a medication has to be taken with food, do not fuck with that. absolutely do not. my antibiotic had to be taken with food and on day 2, i thought “well, i just had breakfast not too long ago, surely that’s close enough and i’ll be fine” and my parents agreed, but guess what? i spent the next hour in hell. the meds made me nauseous so i had to eat, but eating still hurt a lot because of the sore throat from being intubated, so trying to make it better just caused me more pain. and both the sore throat and the nausea (which i guess was as much a heartburn sort of situation as it was nausea) were both very chest-adjacent feelings, so that on top of the usual pain and discomfort from surgery was just a perfect storm of horrible things all centralized to one part of my body. it was awful, and i will never fuck around with something like that again. that being said, if you do find yourself in that situation or are just looking for something light that will still do the job because you’re not that hungry, 10/10 would recommend oatmeal and apple sauce. apple sauce is what finally got my body to stop rioting against me and my bad decisions, and after that i started always taking it halfway through a bowl of oatmeal and that worked perfectly.

on day 4, i was able to sit up and get out of bed by myself for the first time! i still can’t do it just by using my core muscles, but if i hold onto my legs and lower them, i can sort of roll myself up into a sitting position without using any of the affected muscles too much.

on day 5, the sore throat from hell that being intubated gave me finally went away! cheers to not gripping my pillow in pain every two seconds while i swallow my spit anymore. it lasted a while, but it honestly went away pretty fast — on day 4 it was a bit better than it had been, and then the next day it was just gone.

also on day 5, i really started to feel the bandages digging into my armpits. i’m not sure if it’s because the bandage has been slipping up over time, if my armpits have some extra swelling now, or if it’s just been wearing my body down over time, but it feels like it’s starting to cut off circulation at a certain point and it makes my arms ache sometimes. that’s probably not great, but the surgeon will be redoing everything at my post-op anyway so i’ve just been riding it out until then. in the meantime, i can tell it’s definitely worse when i’m sitting back and kind of slouched (because that position pushes it up more), so i try to sit up or walk around when i feel it. having pillows on either side of me to put my elbows up on definitely also helps a lot — that’s how i’ve been sleeping, but it would be good for just sitting too.

also also on day 5, i started getting this weird fluttery feeling in the spot where the left side of my chest and the meat of my left armpit connect. it feels like it’s probably some sort of muscle spasm. it’s not painful at all, but i honestly wish it was because it’s just super weird and uncomfortable instead and i hate it. it genuinely might be my least favorite out of any pains or sensations i’ve had so far. luckily, though, it seems like it’s already died down and only happened a couple times today.

my energy has been all over the place. i’m at the point now where mentally i’m much closer to my normal state so i’m once again having the adhd urge to constantly do stuff, but my body’s ability to keep up is far less consistent. sometimes i get restless and can just get up and pace around for a while, but other times i try to do that and get really quickly exhausted. i’m definitely more able to have conversations and feel more like myself now though, even when my body is tired out.

i’ve been thirsty as all hell the past few days. i feel like i’m constantly asking my boyfriend to refill my water for me because i drain it so fast. it’s a very specific kind of thirst, too — like it never quite goes away even when i’m definitely very thoroughly hydrated, and like anything but water can’t even touch it. it’s not a bad thing, getting lots of fluids after surgery is important and i wouldn’t be surprised if that’s exactly why my body is doing it, but it is a bit frustrating to just be incessantly thirsty for days at a time.

my walking posture is getting straighter every day. i still have to hold my chest to walk because of the bandage feeling like it drags things down, but if i’m walking with my mastectomy pillow, it mostly just looks like a typical slouch and not the deep hunch i started with.

at this point, my chest is super sensitive to any kind of movement, and that’s the other thing the pillow has been really good for at this stage. if the bandage shifts at all, if my body moves at all, basically anything — i feel it all in my chest really intensely. it’s not always painful, but it isn’t comfortable either. holding the pillow to my chest helps stabilize things so the movement doesn’t reach the sensitive parts as much, which is really great.

walking up stairs is easier than walking down stairs, which is the exact opposite of what i would’ve guessed. from what i can tell just from moving around, i think it’s because bending your legs up to a higher step pretty solidly relies on your legs and lower core muscles to make it happen, while reaching your legs down to a lower step requires stretching your body out (which is famously not your body’s favorite thing to do after top surgery). it often feels like i almost can’t reach the step below and have to just barely catch it with the balls of my feet. it’s also just generally been good to take the stairs super slow going up or down because you really can’t use the railing — putting enough weight on it to really rely on it at all requires using chest muscles, so the best i’ve been able to do is just rest my hand on it in case of emergency (because i’d rather hurt my chest than crack my head open if it comes to that).

one of the things that makes the stairs hard is that my center of balance is off from hunching, and that definitely affects my walking too. it’s less pronounced now that i’m in the habit of using the pillow to walk straighter, but i have to take shorter strides and sort of shuffle around because longer strides need better balance, and even with the shuffle i’m stumbling more than usual. i already have some balance problems so i’m pretty used to the feeling of it, but it has freaked my parents out a couple times to see me start listing to one side before i catch myself.

fuck reflexes. reflexes are the actual worst. something i didn’t anticipate is that no matter how careful you are to not reach your arms too far or move them too fast, you can never totally account for what you do if something starts falling. a few times now, i’ve definitely reached too far or fast before stopping myself because i saw something about to go down and my brain instinctively told my hands to catch it. i’m not sure if there’s anything you can really do about that, but it’s worth being aware of because it caught me by surprise the first time i did it.

one side of my chest has been consistently more swollen than the other. that side has also consistently drained less, and the fluid it does drain is darker and redder. we asked my surgeon if that was normal and she said there’s almost always one side that drains more than the other, but it’s still something we’ve been keeping an eye on. hopefully i’ll be able to get a more concrete answer at my post-op, once she can see the swelling up close and look at the drainage numbers from the past week.

as i’ve been getting some use of my body back, the pain in my chest has gotten a bit more obvious. it’s milder pain, and when i’m not doing anything it’s mostly painless to the point where i’m going a lot longer between tylenol doses, but when i’m using my body, i can definitely feel it. the fact that i’m not avoiding physical activity like the plague as much means i’m noticing more pain even though objectively my pain levels have gone down — the things that hurt now didn’t hurt less before, i just didn’t even attempt them before because i knew they would hurt so much. now that the pain is down, i can try more things, which means i’m more likely to try something that ends up hurting. of course, you should always try to follow the if-it-hurts-then-stop rule, but you can’t avoid the pain altogether as you learn your body’s boundaries, so i ended up getting to a point where getting better feels like getting worse.

on that note, i’ve also learned that there’s a pretty distinct difference between milder “i should proceed with caution” pain and intense “stop what you’re doing right now” pain. as much as avoiding things that hurt is ideal, it’s not always realistic, but my body has definitely been very clear in telling me what i can and can’t compromise on. in the beginning i was really paranoid about doing anything that caused any pain at all, but now i’m more familiar with where i can push a bit further if needed and where i really need to hold off.

i’ve been getting chills much more easily lately, and they’ve also been SUPER strong. i’ll be watching a show or listening to music and something will give me chills, and it’s a really intense feeling all across my ribs, and even thinking about the thing that caused it brings on a whole new wave. i’m super curious to see if it’s just a temporary result of my nerves doing their thing or if it’ll stick around long-term. it’s not unpleasant at all, i honestly really like it.

i got some food for myself for the first time today (day 6) and it just involved slicing some pretty soft cheese, but wow, it was a workout for my shoulder. i’m guessing it’s because i haven’t really used my muscles in that way for a week, and because not being able to use my chest muscles means i was relying on my shoulder a lot more to do all the work of moving my arm. by the time i was done, just holding the block of cheese to put it back in the fridge felt like lifting weights.

i didn’t change my shirt the first few days but i’ve changed a few times now, and we’ve perfected the art of getting a button up shirt on me without overreaching my arms at all. basically, you want to put both arms into the sleeves before you lift the shirt up onto your shoulders, because once the shirt is on one shoulder, you have to reach back a lot farther to get to the other sleeve. once you have both arms in, you can lift it onto your shoulders and button it. ideally, whoever’s helping you should do most of the work to pull the sleeves over your arms so you don’t have to stretch your arm out to get them on. i’m sure that’ll be overkill once i have a bit more mobility, but for now, it works great. it definitely would be tough if the shirt was fitted though, so i’m glad i went up a size.

i hope my posts like this have been helpful, or at least interesting to read! i’ll definitely keep updating as time goes on and things change, and i’m also going to work on a breakdown of my experience at the hospital pre- and post-op, as well as my post-op appointment experience once that happens tomorrow.

y’all are getting the good, the bad, and the ugly of my recovery experience. i know a lot of this has been very focused on the bad and the ugly so far because surgery is generally rough, but i’m going to see my chest again tomorrow so stay tuned for some good!

[insipid-drivel]

Endometriosis, Fat Doctors, And Bellybuttons: What They Don't Teach You In Health Class

Woo another rambling TED talk, but I just got home from a meeting with a doctor specializing in wound care that I really feel a lot of you should hear:

Firstly, I've been having mysterious pains in my bellybutton area since... probably last Autumn? But I've had menorrhagia (extremely heavy, painful, and even dangerous periods that can cause spontaneous hemorrhaging) since I was 13 years old. Since my menorrhagia became active, I've been begging for a hysterectomy. I'm moving into my 20 year anniversary of Living With A Uterus That Hates Me As Much As I Hate It.

Being trans (agender) also really incentivizes the whole "yeet the uterus" thing, too, but that doesn't really have anything to do with why I wanna talk to y'all about endometriosis and bellybuttons.

Anyway, as of this year, I've had a lot of issues with my bellybutton region. Random infections, inflammation, pain, trips in and out of the ER; the works. My doctor has been so confused by my bizarre constellation of symptoms that he hasn't been sure of what's going on or what the best course of action is, aside from referring me for more tests and prescribing comfort measures in the meantime.

Until today. My desperate track for a diagnosis began over a week ago when my symptoms became alarmingly sepsis-like, but my test results came back with nothing but signs of an elevated white blood cell count. My doctor has been rushing me from specialist to specialist, and today was a wound care doctor that specializes in treating bariatric, hospice, and disabled patients that can't necessarily follow conventional wound-care advice meant for young, abled, and thin people.

I didn't expect much. Maybe some magnifiers, swabs, and a biopsy at worst, followed by antibiotics and whatever else, but definitely nothing that would help me solve this latest scary health mystery. While the worst of the pain I had that landed me in the ER went away on its own enough that I can get by with mobility aids, I still haven't had a diagnosis.

Until Awesome Fat Doctor.

Awesome Fat Doctor I celebrate. I live for this man. He literally gave me a reason to keep on trying and not give up. I was so scared of the appointment I'd gone nonverbal (not weird for me these days), but I got my voice back after I spent a while with him and his nurse (who was also fantastic). Even though I only met him for a few minutes and he forgot to introduce himself so I can't remember his name right now, Awesome Fat Doctor was a rock star. He was in his later middle age, scruffy, unshaven, and fat - enough that I could imagine the reason he specializes as a wound care doctor is because he may have gotten fed up of other doctors blaming his own health problems on his weight and life choices.

AFD gave no fucks. Along with being a big guy, he carried himself with the gruff no-nonsense of a man that's probably beaten up his ableist colleagues overdiagnosing fibromyalgia in the back of a Wendy's parking lot. He had been informed of my autism and my own needs for a wheelchair due to my own long-term chronic pain and other health issues, as well as my troubles speaking, and treated me like a little cousin that was having a rough go of things like he'd had.

He was compassionate and a straight-shooter with me. He was respectful of my boundaries, talked to me as casually as if I could respond like anybody else with working vocal cords (which I was eventually able to), and generally had all the bedside manner of someone that has worked with patients with special needs of all kinds. He looked at the trouble area and my records and history, told me that he was gonna do his best to get things straightened out, and then went quiet as he studied the timeline of my issues.

"Do you have endometriosis?" he asked, while studying a photo my mom had taken of a... skin infection over my lower abdomen, which had spread from my bellybutton.

I was confused.

"Not that I know of," I answered. I'd found my voice already when he and his nurse both helped put me at ease and showed me I was respected, safe, and seen. I've been tested a few times in my life for endometriosis and had my fair share of ultrasounds (the most common way to diagnose endo), and nobody had found anything unusual. But I have menorrhagia, am always in pain from my reproductive organs, and am desperate to get them removed. I'm on a 24/7 regimen of 2x normal birth control pills just to keep me from menstruating for my own safety. It sucks.

"My wife once had to get emergency surgery for what we thought was appendicitis. Do you know what it turned out she had?" he asked me, very suddenly, and like he had an idea.

"Ectopic pregnancy?" was my first guess, because women have died in the past to ectopic pregnancies that were mistaken for appendicitis.

AFD shook his head. "It was her menstrual cycle, and she had endometrial tissue bleeding into the space beside her appendix. I think you may have endometrial tissue in your bellybutton, and every time your hormones try to cycle in spite of your birth control pills, it bleeds and infects."

I was gobsmacked. Endometriosis and PCOS run in my family as reliably as eye and hair color, but I'd never really thought of how pernicious endometrial tissue could actually be. When I picture endometrial tissue, I picture overgrowths inside of reproductive tissue, or clinging to the outside; not growing randomly within the abdominal cavity or emerging out of my fucking skin like a turkey pop-up timer of doom.

AFD slowly nodded. "And the only way we'd be able to see the endometrial tissue is if you had it tested while you were menstruating and the tissue itself was inflamed and bleeding. Otherwise, it won't show up as anything different to the normal, healthy tissues surrounding it. A biopsy isn't reliable, either, because we have to know exactly where the tissue is before we test it. You have to have your hormones triggering the tissue to inflame and behave differently so it can be diagnosed if there are no big deposits of tissue to see."

After a long time of my ears ringing, I asked him, "Do you think it's possible that the ultrasounds were showing false negatives? Like, I have endometriosis and had it all along, but the tissue is too small to see or were being looked at at the wrong time?"

As it turns out, that's exactly what may be going on.

I see my doctor tomorrow, and meet with my surgeon at the beginning of next month.

Listen to your bodies, y'all. I am so thankful to that doctor, who wound up diverting into a very colorfully-worded rant about how much he hates the American medical system immediately after that. He gave me hope that I was just having new issues with old problems and was right all along about what my body really needed, and that my symptoms now are just showing what happens when doctors neglect their patients' needs.

I did wind up asking if he specialized with wound care because of how other doctors responded to his weight, and he said that it was a mix of reasons beginning with Yes: Both so he could have a safe space from fatphobia and ableism for himself and his patients, but also so his wife - who, while I hadn't seen her, he explained was about as big as he was - would have her own pain taken more seriously, being both fat and female. As he'd already explained, she hadn't been successfully diagnosed with endometriosis until she was symptomatic of full-blown appendicitis-levels of pain as an adult and her doctors were forced to stop blaming her pain on her weight.

Now, as I sit here reflecting... It's hard to believe that, thanks to this doctor's theory, I may finally be free from pain and dysphoria sooner than I imagined. It just took a doctor who could empathize with me to see me, and choose to take the scarier hill to fight on with me.

[drawing-prompt-s]

Jolene Fundraiser - Round 2

So I was trying to avoid doing this by selling my laptop but that is taking longer than expected. It's already been up for sale for a month with no bites other than bots and scammers.

GOFUNDME HERE

PAYPAL HERE

Summarized version of the GOFUNDME post:

Jolene was previously treated for ear mites brought in by my roommate's cat. She was treated and our apartment was visited by exterminators in the meantime. My roommate said she got her cat treated for them as well at her vet.

She lied.

My roommate and I do not get along, partially because her cat will chase down Jolene and attack her unprompted. She has been extremely territorial since she moved in.

I have been staying in my room 24/7 because of issues with my roommate. And I left to gather some items while she was gone, unaware she left her ear mite infested cat out there who then attacked Jolene who had come with me. I separated them, thankfully without injury to Jolene, but did not realize between the attack and the apartment being reinfested that Jolene got ear mites again.

I noticed a few days ago for sure when Jolene tore her ears up trying to scratch them. Blood drawn, cuts, etc. This time they are worse than before and she has not stopped going at her ears and crying. The only time she isn't going at them is while asleep, and sometimes they will still wake her up. I have been doing what I can to ease the pain and inflammation but they need to be flushed, cleaned, and given antibiotics at the vet - something that will cost me another $300.

Again, I tried getting the money myself by selling my laptop but with no luck in the last month. I met with the property manager here about the situation and our lease allows for forcible transfers. They are forcibly transferring my current roommate out within two weeks.

The goal is $300 in 2 weeks because of her forced removal. My apartment complex will cover the cost of the exterminators.

I do not have much to offer, but if interested, I usually make faux song covers for pets; if you want one done of a pet or person I would be happy to make one for you, additional stickers, etc, can be made. They are the size of phone lockscreens - that is what I use them as. Just message me a picture @prophet-rebellion of your donation confirmation, the photo you want me to use for the lock screen, and a song you want. You can see the simple ones linked here.

$350/$350

The last $100 I needed was sent while I was asleep so that means I've reached the full $350 already. Thank you everyone!!

[jungle-angel]

😲 more prompts!! omg ❤️‍🩹 can we get 1 and 17 for bob, please?

Oh honey absolutely!!!!!!! I just watched The Caine Mutiny Court Martial and needless to say, it did very, very unholy things to me (lol).

Your poor husband hadn't stopped coughing since he had gotten home from the party at the hotel last night, the wetness having settled in his chest and offering him no relief from the bone cracking coughing.

"Still feeling terrible Admiral Floyd?" you chuckled, kissing his warm forehead.

"I think I need a doctor," Bob croaked, finally having a chance to take in a breath.

You kissed him again, not caring in the least if you got sick. Bob reached out, his gentle hand caressing your bump to feel the kicking of the baby boy who was just weeks away from being born. "Sweetheart, I don't want you both getting sick," he groaned.

"Bob I already checked with your sister," you assured him. "She said if it happens alot more than you think. The best she can do is keep an eye on it."

"I know, I'm just being overprotective," he told you before another round of hacking began.

You drew the duvet over him and wiped away the sweat from his forehead with a rag you kept in the bathroom. You should've known that winter was prime season for sicknesses if your students at Auggie and Patrick's Waldorf School had taught you anything.

"Do you wanna go to the urgent-care clinic up the road?" you asked.

"Maybe Mickey can bring me?" Bob asked. "Unless the doc's still doing house calls."

"Here," you said, pulling a pair of jeans, his blue button-down and his navy blue Carhardt jacket out of the closet. "Get these on and I'll call either Mickey or Jake to take you to urgent-care."

Bob hummed a weak response as he slipped into a fresh set of clothes. Sure enough, both Mickey and Jake had shown up while Phoenix had come by to keep you company.

**************

"Take another deep breath for me," the doctor told him.

Bob took another deep breath as the Navy doctor listened to his heart and lungs, the crackling in the airways obvious enough to indicate an infection.

"Well, the good news is that it's treatable," the doctor told him. "You'll have to be on antibiotics for a week, taken with food and absolutely no dairy until this thing has cleared."

"Damnit," Bob silently mouthed. Growing up on a ranch all his life had made him a fiend for milk, cheese and yogurt, but getting this infection cleared was top priority.

"Scrip will be available at the PX pharmacy and can be picked up anytime," the doctor told him. "I highly suggest you go home and get some rest in the meantime."

"Thanks doc," Bob said before gathering his jacket and the slip to leave.

He followed Jake and Mickey both to Jake's truck, wanting nothing more than to get home and rest and trying to suppress the cough that was still rumbling in his lungs.

"You sound like you need a shot of whiskey and bed," Jake chuckled.

"Fuck you Hangman," Bob groaned, laughing a little.

*************

"Mommy! Mommy! Daddy's home!! Daddy's Home!!!" Auggie chirped when he saw the truck pulling into Jake's driveway and letting Bob out.

You hoisted yourself out of the cozy window bench where you and Auggie had been reading, the fire crackling away in the fireplace while the snow fell outside and while Natasha had been preparing lunch in the kitchen.

Bob opened the front door and immediately Jock, the little black Scottish terrier, had jumped from Auggie's lap to paw at Bob's leg, his little tartan sweater keeping out the harsh winter cold that blew in through the front door.

"Hi sweetheart," you said, taking each other in your arms before he started coughing again.

You kissed his cold, reddened cheeks before Auggie came bounding in from the living room. "Daddy, you sick?" he asked.

"Uh huh," Bob answered, scooping up his son and kissing his cheek in return. "Gonna go lie down."

You helped Bob upstairs with Jock following you, letting him crawl right back under those covers, shuddering from the cold but brief walk into the house. Jock yipped a little before crawling in beside his master, licking Bob's cheeks and making him laugh a little before you kissed your husband.

"Auggie what are you doing?" you chuckled.

"I've gotta take care of Daddy," the bespectacled five year old announced proudly.

You laughed a little upon seeing Auggie in his little doctor's uniform that had been his Halloween costume, carrying a ziploc bag full of the first aid items you kept around the house.

"Ok now Daddy, open your mouth and stick out your tongue," Auggie demanded.

Bob playfully stuck his tongue out at Auggie but didn't open his mouth.

"No Daddy, stop doing that lizard thing," Auggie told him, pretending to be stern. "I gotta look into your mouth and see what made you sick."

You were biting your knuckles, resisting the urge to laugh.

"Yep!" Auggie exclaimed, shining the flashlight into Bob's open mouth. "You've got worms."

"Worms?!" you blurted out, unable to control your laughter anymore.

"Looks like we've gotta operate Daddy," Auggie concluded. "But before we do I gotta have you throw up into this."

Bob was laughing and coughing all at once as Auggie held up Jock's empty water dish near the bed he shared with Dolly, the little Pekingese puppy who was probably playing with Diedre in her room.

"Alright Doctor Auggie, out, out, let Daddy rest," you told him.

Bob pulled you in for another kiss, still laughing once the coughing had subsided.

"Daddy," chirped a quiet little voice from the three year old standing in the doorway in his little dark green turtleneck and denim overalls.

"What's up Patrick?" Bob croaked.

"Mommy said you sick, so I brought you Teddy," Patrick told him.

Bob was melting at the sight of the fuzzy, cuddly little teddy bear that Patrick had in his hands. It was the same one you and Bob had gotten when you had taken Auggie and Patrick to their very first Red Sox game, a fuzzy little vintage bear with curly fur and his own little red, white and blue Red Sox jersey and little wooden bat. Though the bat was still sitting on Patrick's dresser, the fuzzy little bear had been the one stuffie Patrick always snuggled with when he was sick.

"C'mere buddy," Bob croaked again, lifting his little son up onto the bed and giving him the tightest hug he could give him. "And thank you."

Patrick reached up with his little hands to grab Bob's face, planting a big wet kiss right on his father's cheek, jumping off the bed and waddle-running out of the room to go eat lunch.

"You ok?" you asked Bob.

"I'm alright sweet pea," Bob assured you. "I thought it was cute that they tried."

You smiled at your husband, gently caressing his cheek as he melted into your touch, only to be interrupted by the growling of his belly.

"You hungry now?" you chuckled.

Bob nodded. "Can I have some hot chicken soup?"

"Anything for you Bob," you answered, kissing his cheek before you went down to the kitchen to get him some of the hot chicken soup that Phoenix had made.

You returned just a minute later with the mug full of soup, steaming and hot for Bob and a thick crust of grainy bread for him to eat with it. When he had finished, you crawled in beside him, his hand pulling the duvet over the both of you as you turned out the lights and settled in with Jock having moved to the foot of the bed and warming your feet.

[tittyinfinity]

I'm super fucked on money right now, between having to save up for car insurance, taking my cat to the vet, needing more antibiotics & eye drops for my cat, saving up for moving costs, having to pay $150 to replace my keys, and trying to keep up with household costs in the meantime.

I'm a single queer parent on disability. I make $760 a month and my upcoming costs are going to cost me more than my SSI payment. I have to get a U-haul soon and I know I won't get my full deposit back because of damage my cats and son have made to the house. I have to get out of here, though; they'll raise my rent by $100 a month if I sign a new lease or charge me $300 extra for month-to-month.

I really need all the help I can get

C*shapp: $yourdestinymae

P*ypal: yanidork

V*nmo: nicework_bonedaddy

[earthstellar]

Update on health: Finished antibiotics, POTS acting up, waiting on medication approval for another thing too, so in the meantime I'm in bed with my Russian language books and Ratchet lmao

My brain isn't retaining a whole lot upon trying to review, but I have fallen asleep three times to a Russian guy repeating various directions to the Moscow Metro

Ratchet is here and most of the time I'm using this figure to hold my emergency asthma inhaler so I don't lose it in my many blankets lol

Thank you to everyone who has sent me good vibes and get well soon messages!!! 💖💖💖💖💖

[cree-n-jewish-thoughts]

I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Six months of being sick, four rounds of antibiotics, ultrasound, and many doctors visits.

Being chronically ill sucks.

Then there's the fibro pain that never stops. The aches, the pains, the lack of sleep.

I can't go to work...

I've had to refer clients to other team members 😟

At least I can try to post to my other blog in the meantime.

[freebooter4ever]

i talked with jilly bean for as long as her kids would let her today, and she's been trying to undo the guilt i feel over grandma telling me i should just choose to not be sick and stop seeing doctors. anyway i was describibg the 'elemental' diet to jillian and she said she would fly down to LA to work here remotely and take care of me for the two weeks it takes to kill off the bacteria if i end up having to do that (i still have two rounds of back to back antibiotics to try first). so that might be my early november right there.

but as i was crying a little over how during the bad hours i cant do anything like read or even watch tv because its hard for my brain to follow, she was asking if there is anything i do that even is remotely comforting or distracting. and i was like LOL. well. and admitted that ive been scrolling through old hockey gifs and pictures and i was like this is evgeni and sent her the video:

Ok so some backstory jilly bean and i grew up together, both of us living in the same little neighborhood for 18 years. And our high school football team was like...state champions the entire time i think ( i say think because the only time i realized i should have the 'high school experience' and actually go to games was as a senior ) ( we definitely won state that year lol ). Except like... Our graduating class was some of the first championship years so the football field was more rudimentary and only the popular kids and band members and families could get seats on the bleachers (the yellow arrow):

The entire bit circled in blue did not exist in my day lol. anyway my point is if you were kind of a weirdo and didnt have friends to give you seats you just ended up wandering around the track (the bit i colored purple). I never paid much attention to the actual football game i was just there to support jillian who desperately wanted to feel like a normal teenager. She was the sports fan, i was the nerd who forced her to watch lord of the rings.

Jillian would make up dances while we walked back and forth on the endline to stay warm. We were not cheerleaders by any stretch of the imagination - this is washington state in the fall and winter, back then 90% of the time it was raining, we were bundled up in jeans and sweatshirts. But my favorite of her 'cheers' was the 'ewok dance' which consisted of humming star wars music and a lot of less flexible leg lifts. Watching geno's uncoordinated jumping around and waving the towel took both jillian and i back about twenty years i think, lol.

ANYWAY my point is she approves:

🤣🤣🤣

See turnabout is fairplay though because even longer ago when we were extremely awkward preteens in middle school, while i was transitioning from my historical pirates phase to my elves phase, jillian was becoming increasingly obsessed with baseball. It wouldnt be until POTC was released that finally our interests collided and we both decided pirates were the coolest. In the meantime, 12 year old jillian went online searching for a brett bo*one desktop background for her family's computer. This story could end really inappropriately because 90s internet but instead jillian just happened to find a relatively tame photo edit that stuck boone's head on top of an extremely musclar angel with feathered wings and wearing nothing but a diaper. I mean you think sports fans are creative now...thats nothing compared to early 90s geocities. She made this 'boonie angel' her family's computer background much to the amusement of her computer scientist father.

'boonie angel' quickly became an inside joke. At one point jillian ended up with a lifesize sticky cut out on the wall of her room of actual boone hitting a home run. And the only reason i ever went to seattle baseball games was to support jillian's ridiculous crush (our other friend nuri only came for the stadium sushi which was all the rage during the ich*iro era). And i would randomly gift jillian with cards depicting the signature stick figure 'boonie angel' like this guy enjoying the rose garden yesterday (note the diaper, that was important for his modesty):

Keep in mind boonie angel was like...a thirty year old man. Nothing about this made sense, to this day i have no idea why jillian latched so hard onto this player. But back then preteen me was crushing hard on fictional elves who were immortal thousands of years old so i couldnt exactly judge (my favorite was kyrtian from elvenborn who was this reclusive military genius with a heart of gold who tried to hide behind a veneer of 'madness' to avoid the evil elves and was suddenly thrust into the spotlight when the rich and powerful elves realized they could exploit kyrtian's academic talent)(he was so much more complex and interesting than legolas and also he shared my daddy issues).

So what im sayin is i enabled her ridiculousness, and i should have known she'd be more than willing to enable mine lmaooooo.

ok but now im wondering what geno would look like as an angel with a diaper....

[emmatriarchy]

Health and life update under the cut

But first a little something for all of you moots

Thank you all for being your amazing selves. Scrolling the dash and seeing all your great posts help me feel better. You never know when I'm lurking, but I do smile any time I'm on here because you're all fun, funny, smart, interesting individuals.

1. Neurologist

They think I don't have long covid or chronic fatigue syndrome but they don't know what I have.

So they send me for a sleep test in case my apnea worsened and requires treatment, and see how I sleep.

In the meantime, I have to get a UV lamp and melatonin and try those to regulate my sleep.

Sleep test: Oct 7th

2. Dentist

I have a raging toothache with infection since Sunday. I saw my gp who gave me antibiotics and I have an appointment with the dentist oct 3rd. They put me on a waiting list so if they have an earlier spot they'll call me.

3. My ex

He's being an asshole at the moment, which led me to have a mental breakdown Sunday since I was already in pain from my teeth issues. I'm handling the situation the best I can but yeah, he's always been a jerk and will always be.

--

See ya around!

[zionchubby14]

I wasn't sure if I was going to make a post about this, but this is something I feel like I need to do, especially for those who know and care about me (I know, people care on here? That's crazy.). I'm definitely going to struggle typing this all out, but...here it goes.

_____

So over the past month (and quite possibly earlier), Mom has been dealing some abdominal pain that radiates to her back. The pain would be so bad that it would cause her to throw up at times. She barely ate and slept while this was going on. On January 6th, things finally came to a head and we made the call to take her to the hospital.

When she first came in, she was diagnosed as suffering from pancreatitis (for those who don't know, it's inflammation of the pancreas that, if left untreated, can cause a high amount of pain and nausea to the person. There's two types of pancreatitis: acute, which is very treatable and will go away after a while, and chronic, which will last a lot longer and hurt more). They were able to treat her and she felt better for a while, discharging her after 3 days. When they released her, they wanted her to get a endoscopy test done up at a hospital in Royal Oak. With neither Mom or I having a car, this was difficult for us to do. But we would come to know why soon enough.

Mom came home and for a day or two, she seemed fine. She ate well and was able to sleep soundly, which I thought was the important thing. But the pain and nausea eventually came back with a vengeance We tried every the hospital doctors had told us: heating pads, soft to liquid diet, pain patches. Nothing was working. Her primary care doctor even had her go on some antibiotics and a stronger pain med than she had, but nothing seemed to help matters. We took her back to the hospital this past Saturday, January 20th.

When we initially got there, after they had done a CT scan on Mom, they said that the pancreatitis was gone. But what was left was a mass on her pancreas. Scared and unsure as to what it may be, they admitted her and has been in the hospital since. On Tuesday, they took her to the University of Toledo Medical Center for the endoscopy and see what the mass might be. They did the scope and drew fluid from the mass for testing.

On Wednesday, we get the news that it is cancer. More precisely, metastatic pancreatic adenocarcinoma. In layman's terms, it's Stage IV pancreatic cancer, not curable.

I could not believe it...

We don't really know how long she may have left, but the rough and harsh estimate is less than 6 months...

Needless to say, I broke down, not in front of Mom or my brothers (who have been with Mom and I throughout this whole thing).

I can't imagine being here on Earth without Mom and I'm somehow going to have to figure out how to...I panicked and wanted to run away...a moment of weakness...

I don't know what will happen between now and the inevitable day, but we all agreed that we're going to try and make the most out of the days she does have left. I know that there will be bad days ahead, and there'll be good days as well.

But it's tough, knowing that the last few years I've been taking care of her (and complaining about her behavior, which is making me feel guilty about, now that this is happening) and it's going to come to an end.

_____

I know this isn't the greatest of things to post on here, but I needed some therapeutic way to get some of the emotions I am feeling right now out and to inform you all of what has been going on. I thank you all for the thoughts and positive vibes before and coming in the future. It's going to be a rough time ahead and I hope you will all bear with me in the meantime.

I love you all.

[afniel]

Oh this is the worst I've felt in a long-ass time and that's saying a lot. I've had a fever for two days continuously. Food and water hurt to take but obviously I can't just not do that, so I'm suffering and eating mostly baby food, which is the least offensive thing to my shitty body right now. I'm having non-stop fever dreams, sometimes even while I'm nominally awake. I've slept something like 18 hours a day for two days now. I suspect this might be a kidney infection (something something went to use an at-home UTI test strip and couldn't read the results because I can apparently pee highlighter orange if I really put my back into it, thus obliterating the intended result colors) and yes I have talked to a doc, I'm waiting on the labs, and in the meantime we're going with the tried and true method of I Don't Know, Let's Nuke It From Orbit With A Broad Spectrum Antibiotic.

I am gonna take my first round of meds and go sleep some more, y'all, I survived going to pick them up and doing the urinalysis thing, and I am so, so tired. I would have Ubered or something instead of driving but bro that is not an option when you get as carsick as me, and I accidentally found a more comfortable position to sleep in and got some sleep that wasn't just frantically and obsessively trying to do the same task forever and ever and ever (fever dreams are all always this for me). Also Bay Area traffic is slow at this time of day here anyway.

[fadewalking]

I think my lizard is going to die :(

Hey guys, my pet lizard is pretty sick, and I cannot afford to take her to a vet because my dog has also recently been sick and all of my money has gone to his vet bills. My dog is fine for right now, but the lizard is not.

She is open mouth breathing (really bad sign), has been refusing food, and thus has lost weight. I suspect she has a respiratory infection. If I were to be able to take her to a vet, I believe they would prescribe her Baytril (antibiotic to fight the infection) and Critical Care to increase her weight, and maybe also something special to soak her in rather than just warm water, just to help keep her hydrated as she is also looking dehydrated. With all of this, I imagine I would be looking at a bill of around $150-$200, or maybe even a little bit more, which i simply do not have right now, especially since I cannot work for the next 4 weeks.

I really don't want to lose her. So I am asking for money to take her to a vet. If I can raise at least $150-$175, I can find a way to cover the rest if it ends up being a bit more than that.

I started a fundraiser on paypal, so if y'all could please consider helping her, or sharing/boosting this post, I would really appreciate it. https://www.paypal.com/pools/c/8Rv9LhIQz9

In the meantime, my plan for her care is twice daily soaks in warm water to keep her hydrated, keeping her in a smaller quarantine tank so I can easily monitor her health as right now she is in a larger one with a mate. She might be eating, but i can't really tell since the other one may be the one getting the food, but I've just moved her to the smaller tank, so I will try to give her some food. If she doesn't eat over the weekend, I have some liquid meal that I can syringe feed to her, but she hates being handled like that. But keeping her fed and hydrated is really all I can do to help make her more comfortable while she tries to fight the infection. There is nothing I can do for her respiratory infection without medical treatment. If any reptile owners out there have any advice for me, i'd appreciate it.

This is her:

[skippygoldfish]

can everyone hope with me that someone cancels their vet appointment this week so that i can bring my girls in NOWWW

i am uncomfortable with how long THEY have been uncomfortable. the treatments i gave them to try helping in the meantime didn't do anything besides make the tank murky, so i put the filter sponges with carbon back in (and replaced one of them).

i hope they'll hang in there. do yall think its worth giving them antibiotics in quarantine again? it seemed to help last time they were lethargic, even if only temporarily. or do i just. wait >_<

[lauratheghost]

I'm gonna complain for a while right now 😂

If you don't care about stranger's problems, this is your warning to scroll.

Also if you don't like hearing about dental problems, you should also scroll.

But I'm having literally the most annoying year ever and I need to just vent to strangers on the internet for a minute.

The day before Christmas, I'm just eating a grilled cheese and one of my back molars just breaks out of nowhere. And of course it's a Friday evening and a holiday weekend so I can't call my dentist until Tuesday.

I go in like a week later my dentist is like "yeah I can't fix that. You need to have it pulled." So I'm like "okay that sucks, but whatever."

So I make the apt to have it pulled and it's for like a month later. So in the meantime I just have a broken tooth for a month.

And then it gets infected. So I go on antibiotics. Finally the apt comes and I walk there (after having an anxiety attack pretty much)

And when I get there I'm not even on their schedule. So I go back the next morning to get my tooth pulled.

(Backstory, my dentist is an asshole. He thinks he has "dry humor" but he's actually just rude as hell and so awful and mean.)

He takes photos of my tooth and pulls it up on the screen and then proceeds to call the dental assistants over to come and laugh at the photo with him. 🙃😞

So that was cool.

Then he starts to try to pull the tooth but I can still feel everything- like the novacaine isn't working.

So he gives me more novacaine and waits precisely one minute before trying again. I can still feel it.

The assistant is like "do you think it's because she's on antibiotics" and he's like "no no it should have worked by now. If you can still feel it you need to go to a surgeon and get anesthesia."

So I go home and after like thirty minutes I'm wayyyy more numb then I was at the office. So I think the numbing just took longer because of the antibiotics and he was just inpatient.

I call the surgeon and they say they can see me in September. (It's like January now)

I have a complete meltdown.

Then my sister basically forces me to get another opinion by a different dentist. So I make appointments at this second office. I go there like a week later. These people are so much nicer- the only downside it that its much further away from where I live.

They look at my tooth and I meet the dentist and he's like "it's a shame you didn't come here sooner I could have saved the tooth."

So now I'm even more pissed at my old dentist. And I'm never going back there again.

But anyways, they schedule me to get it pulled like two weeks later.

I go back and they pull it, and it takes less than a minute probably. It was insanely easy and fast. But when the dentist is done he's like "good news and bad news"

And then he tells me that the broken tooth is out, but in the process, the crown on the tooth next to it came off.

So I once again, have another broken tooth now.

They put a temporary crown on it in February but it still aches all the time and isn't comfortable.

And now, on the opposite side of my mouth, I have a cavity somewhere but I can't pinpoint what tooth it is. But I can't eat anything hot or cold now until it's fixed and I swear I'm so sick of my mouth hurting and eating room temp food. 😩

I have an appointment in five days to hopefully fix the cavity, but I'm scared they aren't gonna fix the right tooth. 😭😂

Anywayssssssss

I'm trying to be positive now but first I just wanted to complain. I need to get it outta my system.

This whole ordeal has left me like traumatized though. I'm so scared to eat any food that's remotely hard now. And just being in pain everyday for like five months has really been getting to me. I actually signed up for therapy again over this 😂

I'm probably being dramatic

But pleaseeee let this year get better soon omg. 🙏🤲✨🖤

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3513

went to the doctor. she gave me antibiotics and told me to start taking the inhaler again.

rad.

got some advice and creative support on the quilt for my friend, which was really nice! my mom's been incredibly unhelpful saying how she would do it instead of accepting that this was going to happen how i wanted it to happen.

i had gotten so discouraged last night about the fabrics mom was pulling out and i hated how it looked and she was pushing me to use different fabrics and use a different design because she wasn't being helpful with what i wanted. but the people at the quilt store were so supportive in helping me realize the vision i had - WITH the original pattern i created, so i'm more than happy about that.

i'm super excited to sew it all together tomorrow. then i'll need a backing and a binding and batting and figure out how to fasten it together. and part of me wants to put lace in the edge because my favorite blankie as a little kid had lace in it. i liked it so much because it was soft and yellow and had lace. i still like it so much because of the same reasons. so i'll work with the colors and see if i can find a cotton lace for it. if i can, that is. if not, that's okay. i'll make something else with lace.

maybe a different quilt for a different friend's baby!

i am ambitious. for the other baby i'll probably do more traditional baby-esque fabrics. they'll be appreciative of it, i'm sure. i'll have to wash it before i give it to them, though, unless i just bring it straight to them from a quilter. that friend is allergic to cats, very much so, so having several cats around the fabric isn't exactly the best idea. i'll probably wash and dry the fabrics before i make it, if im totally honest. make sure when it does get washed it doesn't lose its shape.

count me in for making dozens of blankets for these two little babies i know who have the same first name.

i'm so happy.

i love making things. i'll make a crocheted one next, i think! since flannel is for the fall/winter.

anyway. i took a nap today after angrily washing pots for dinner. i didn't feel good and i was upset that the dishes hadn't been done - again - and so impeded my ability to make dinner.

which, for dinner, i made steak. and i fuckin KILLED it. not the cow, the cooking. first time to cook steak, did a great job. flavorful, properly cooked, cut like butter. moist inside despite being well-done. (while i am aware this is a culinary abomination, neither my sister or i can eat meat that is raw in any way. it makes us violently ill so we just. don't do that.)

but the nap and the steak occurred before the quilt cutting and pinning. the quilt is all ready to go for tomorrow. i'm hype.

also i am not going in to work tomorrow. the doctor told me to take it easy tomorrow while the antibiotic works into my system.

and because i'll be home it means i can actually get to joel's for game on time tomorrow night! that'll be nice.

and in the meantime, i have heartburn so i am gonna take some tums and try to sleep.