#and it just made things worse but at least my gf was able to yell with him and tell him how she feels | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sapphire-innit · 3 years

Text

Ranboo my Beloved please help this Kid please

VOD: TommyInnit Is Actually Depressed in Exile

(rp) Well that title can only mean Good and Wholesome things right??? Everything's going to be fine and dandy RIGHT?????????

.....

yeah ok I'm ready to have my heart torn out again lets fucking do this

he's drowning again :(

"its ok though because its Dream. And hes great. H-hes cool" I have never heard Tommy sound more defeated :'(

[irt the Tubbo statue] Welp this isn't going to go over well

OH WOW THAT SKIN SHIT. he looks real fucked up ohnoooo. His eyes are greyer and hes got Visible Bags under them D: also his hair is messed up too :(

"we didn't do this out of pity" have lost their magic words huh oof

"if Tubbo wanted to be here he could, and he's chosen not to" :( :( :( this WHOLE SPEECH is painful and raw

Tommy is so angry and I wish he was ABLE to direct it at dream but man, I get it. Hard to watch him tear down the Tubbo statue though

.....also side note did BBH and Puffy build this while eggified that's wild lol

:( Fundy and Ranboo came to say hi. So did Philza. ahhhhhh, fucking hell :(

"Its been weeks" canonizing the longer timeline

Ghostbur ... that hits different now ;-; ;-; ;-;

I miss him already fuck

Tommy still not eating.. :(

adsfdfsf the fuckign... girlfriend bit what even is this

RANBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

He's so sneaky and clever ahhh he hid the book!! fuck Dream took the last book and then he hid it too well lol

well that got depressing quick ;-;

Tommy really is so communicative he tries so so much I hate that no one seems to listen

"and he never would have gotten [exiled]" Tommy it wasn't your faaaullt

and they're trying too but he doesn't know how much Dream is intimidating them to stay away :(

shit he STILL hasn't eaten. Hes not putting on his armor either :(

I do NOT like the vibes on this "screaming station" .... seems fucked up

"the sun reminds me of a happier time, the sunset reminds me of my bench" THE SUN IS HOPE :(

and hes turning down primes

whoever suggested making a chair a "one person bench" omg adwsfdf

still hasn't e a t e n

lol always time to make fun of bbh and skeppy lol

.... a screaming station in the nether seems like an even worse idea than one over the ocean

Jack Manifold! I hear you fucking hate Tommy later!! and I have no idea why!! IS THIS IT

Fucking hell HOW IS THIS CANON

.........wow this sure is the WORST time Jack could have visited. FUCK

...he was even going to throw him a fire res Fuck

I still can't believe that was canonically Jack's last life what the fuck I can't believe that was the start of the Team Rocket arc

...he DID apologize, fuck fuck fuck

Jack and Tommy really talking past each other, this SUCKS so much like he could not have had WORSE TIMING and I wish it hadn't ended in a fucking, DEATH because I don't think Tommy ever meant to go that far at all, like, fuck man

(I know people are pretty sympathetic to Jack and all, and sure that sucked but also I'M HERE FOR MY BOY TOMMY RIGHT NOW OK)

....half a heart and still not fucking E a t i n g

running around the nether with half a heart. Building out over lava. Mans committed to the bit

................I knew it had bad vibes

FINALLY EATING!! Jesus that ghast lol

"why would he spawn there???" TOMMY THAT'S HOW MINECRAFT WORKS TOMMY adswfsdfsd

"I'm just a fucking tourist hub now" Exiles really done a number on him in a Multitude of ways

I knew that party was gonna do a number on him but man is it hard to see.

....I'm glad Ranboo's efforts have been appreciated a little bit. Its good to have SOMEONE other than Dream that Tommy's not cutting off

GOD the zoom in on the lava. Rough.

Hes tearing down the path too. He's physically and mentally isolating himself, which is ... harshly true to life

"Happy place / Theyre all happy / Its not quiet / Its just happy" Tommy writes the most Devastating Shit. Like first it was the Ranboo mail and now the sign, fuck. Its like any chance he gets to type, it just all comes spilling out, he can't help it

"Have I ever been the villain? ...(small depressed smirk)...probably" :( :( :( this is absolutely Dream's victim blaming working and everyone who dog-piled him about the walls and shit and fucking hell man, no

...the little interaction with Ranboo was a breath of fresh air, my beloved...

Wait what happened to the fake gf???

I do feel like its actually really good that Tommy managed to let ONE person through a little bit, and not brush him off out of pity. Its not enough rn but I feel like any outside connection is good for him right now.

It also does feel like it is because Ranboo kept trying even when he ran into difficulty. Its ALSO because of luck no doubt, and he managed to hit just the right vibes to not be 'pitying' because others DID try multiple times, but it couldn't have happened at all if he hadn't been so persistent with his mail either

I also noticed Ranboo questioned the "Dream and you are my only friends" line, which I appreciate

THE CHEST ROOM. FUCK. Well I know how THIS ends D:

"I owe everything to Dream, he comes and sees me and he gives me armor sometimes, and he makes me happier and he gives me a trident" . . . we're in the thick of it now huh

I LOVE THAT RANBOO SPEAKS SOME SENSE HERE THANK YOU. like Tommy's not in a place to hear it Right NOW, but I still appreciate it. He's very good at that (though he still has the backbone of a chocolate eclair lmao. Though maybe that's also why he didn't set off Tommy either)

He almost told him about the armor destruction and my heart hurts

"I'm gonna make it out of Cobblestone, because its my favorite block, it was. It is I think" :(

Ranboo really planning to run for president and help this kid get the FUCK out of exile

ALSO He's trying to clear up the compass thing, hes trying so hard. Tommy's not really in a place to hear it, but I'm glad it was said

......JACK. Hes coming in for a BIT and its just. He's bouncing off of Tommy so hard adfdf I can see how he becomes Team Rocket but also I hate that this friendship turned into hatred

asdfssfd don't ask Ranboo to STRIPE omg

why ARE there so many portals??

...."he takes shit from me" he told him :( I'm so glad he told him but fuck I wish Ranboo could help in some way. Too often you can't and you just gotta work with what you can do but at least he told him :(

"anyone can die Ranboo even me" there's that suicidal idealization! :(

"Its because they don't care Ranboo. Everyone who you think cares, probably doesn't"

GODDD cc!Tommy is a good actor though shit, the YELLING about the party I'M

Tommy is so communicative even now, hes trying to tell Ranboo and talk about it and I wish it made a difference

...he was triggered when Ranboo fought the mobs for him :( he sighed and it hurt :(

...he was testing him for pity with the pickaxe wasn't he, fuck

afdsfdsffs the MCC TOURNEMENT SDSFDSF

oh no tommy hes part enderman don't put him in water afdsfdf

..........................

AFDSFDSF THE LAVA OH NO ADFDSF HOW DOES HE KEEP DYING THIS WAY

......

........

back in serious mode I see.

Ranboo talking him off the literal edge, fuck

"Its never gonna end" oh Tommy... :(

#dream smp #dream smp liveblog #dsmp exile arc #tommyinnit #ranboo #jack manifold #abuse tw #suicide tw #depression tw

135 notes · View notes

dokifluffs · 4 years

Text

Migraines | Bokuto, Tendo, Ushijima, Sakusa

Pairing: Bokuto X Reader (gender neutral), Tendo X Reader (gender neutral), Ushijima X Reader (gender neutral), and Sakusa X Reader (gender neutral)

Genre: comfort fluff 🥺💛

Request: “hello i hope all is well!! could i please request something about how bokuto, sakusa, tendou and ushijima would help take care of their gf (or gender neutral s/o, whatever you’re more comfortable with!!) who gets really bad frequent migraines? also, i love your writing for free! there’s not a lot out there that i can find i might have read all of your works for it and loved them all 👉👈” - @pleasantlyplantiful

Author’s Note: you’re so sweet bb 🥺🥺 and thank you so so much for requesting and being patient, sorry this took awhile to be posted. But also thank you sm for reading and enjoying my free! imagines. I’ll for sure be posting and making more free! content. I also also hope tendo’s/ this entire hc is okay akjshdasj sorry if it’s not 🥺👉👈

Bokuto:

Everything felt like it was on blast all around you, the sounds were so excruciating. The bright flashes of lightning, the low, heavy booms of thunder, the winds blowing through the branches of trees, making them bang against the side of the house

It sounded so loud, you wanted to mute everything until your migraine passed

You curled yourself up in bed on top of the blankets, holding pillows to both sides of your head. The sharp searing pain in your head made it feel like it froze your body, rendering you immobile

You squeezed your eyes shut, wanting it to stop, wanting the feeling of someone repeatedly and forcefully squeezing your head to stop

The storm was predicted to be one of the strongest ones of the season and it unfortunately lined up around the time you had your migraines

It was terrible

The spacious room was dark and dim from the gloomy clouds that rolled over the sky, concealing the warm sun behind it

The power was blown out not too long ago but Bokuto still showered

He didn’t really care much about the storm outside, not thinking too much of it. In the moment, all he could feel was how good the hot water felt as it washed over his body, relieving his tight muscles from practice

You massaged your temples the best you could, making sure the pillow resting on top of your head wouldn’t fall off. You did the best you could and took deep breaths, your breaths shaky as you grit your teeth through the pain

Rubbing his head with a towel, his upper half was bare while he wore a pairof his many shorts for practice

Seeing your figure curled up in bed, he was beside you in a heart beat

“Y/N?” He asked just a bit too loudly, realizing when you let out a little grown, waving your foot to him. “Oh sorry,” he whispered

“I’ll go get you some water,” he whispered yell, giving you a quick rub on your leg as he left the room but you didn’t really hear him

He was still new to your frequent migraines but he was going to make sure he did his best. Akaashi even gave him advice after mentioning it in conversation

He wanted to do more for you, so he did

From what he was able to gather, your migraines mostly came from loud noises. He didn’t think the storm was too loud but it must have been for you

He poured a warm glass of water and brought up honey and water, knowing how you would sometimes ask him to get some later on

The bed shifted to his weight as he sat beside you, pulling a corner of a pillow slowly upwards

You covered your ears with your hands, your eyes firmly shut, trying to focus on the sound of your heart, breathing as steadily as you could

“Y/N,” his usual roaring voice diminished to almost nothing for you. He rubbed your hand, making your eyes slowly peek open to him

He helped you sit up but you refused to move your hands, not yet at least

“Honey?” He mouthed, holding up the bottle to which you shook your head. He brought the warm mug to your mouth and helped you drink

A few gulps later, you could feel like your mind was being released from the visions grasp

When your head was tolerable enough to endure, you slowly removed your hands, hovering them over your ears in case you had to cover them immediately

“You okay, bun?” He whispered, his hand cupping your neck and cheek right below your ear, his voice low and just above the sound of the rain. The thunder and lightning moved on into the distance, leaving behind only the soft putterings of rain tapping the roof

Your heart released a warm spread through your chest hearing the nickname he gave you, unsure of where it came from in the first place, your head dizzy from your migraine

“I think so... can we lay down?” You asked, bringing your hand to his arm, his skin and body still hot from the shower

Without even answering, he didn’t even you to ask. He lifted your body into his arms, laying down in the center of the bed with you on top of him

He wrapped his legs around you, squeezing you close to him but not tight enough where it bothered you

Your head was pressed close to his body, hearing the beating sound of his big heart

Tendo:

It felt like the room was spinning and nothing was going to stop it

You could hear the faintest sounds of rain tapping on the roof of the house, the room dim with little to no light

Your head was throbbing inside and you just wanted it to stop

Your body felt so drained and empty as you sat up in bed but the thing was, the last thing you could think of was the way you were sleep deprived on the couch

College was beating your ass and there was little to no fight left in you

Trying your best to stand from bed, your knees buckled beneath you, your legs unable to suddenly hold your weight

You reached your arms out only to feel the plush fabric and cool smoothness of the wall against the palms of your hand

Your body made a loud thud as you collapsed to your knees on the ground beside the bed, half of the blanket pooled around your form as you leaned your body on the bed

A warm touch held your arm and wrists not a moment later

Tendo knelt before you, panting and heart racing in his chest from sprinting up the stairs from the kitchen when he heard the thud

His hair was down but pushed back with a little headband, his hand reaching up to hold your face. Even despite all the spinning and occasional blur of your senses, you could see the hints of concern glistening in his eyes

A light layer of sweat beaded your hair line and all the color was drained from your face as you breastfed jaggedly. You wore one of his shirts but you couldn’t even remember if you were wearing this last night or not

But none of that mattered

Doing the best he could, he lifted you back into your spot in bed, bringing up the blanket up to your waist. The smell of him was all over the bed and pillows, surrounding you but it didn’t make your migraine worse thankfully

“Drink this,” he spoke quietly, bringing a water bottle to your lips, pouring it gently into your mouth

The cool liquid was able to ease your head just a little but the room still spun. The lights remained off and you did your best to ground yourself, staying hydrated, focusing on the feeling of the bed pressed to your body, the sound of the gentle rain on the roof, the warmth his hand emitted holding yours

“I’ll bring the soup up,” he said as he stood when you were able to hold the bottle on your own

“So-soup?” Your voice croaked as you spoke, doing your best to focus on tendo’s face in the dim room but you spoke too soon. The bitter, acidic taste of bile rose from your stomach and up your throat, burning the back of it. It made you clench your jaw to stifle the urge to vomit

He sat back down on the edge of the bed beside you, rubbing his hand down your back. It wasn’t the first time he had seen you suffer through a migraine, but deep inside, it twisted his heart to see you suffer like this- he could imagine the pain your body must’ve been going through each time

“You didn’t eat anything at all yesterday,” he gave you a playful glare, lightly poking his finger into your cheek. This fact of course didn’t go unnoticed by him

then it hit you. You really didn’t eat at all yesterday and you barely drank anything too

The late hours and hectic schedule you made for yourself, trying to get as many credits as you could in your early years of uni so you could have an easy last year with him, but unfortunately, you bit off more than you could chew

you mentally cursed yourself for bringing this upon yourself

With your eyes squeezed shut, focused on the darkness, you didn’t even notice him slipping away, only realizing he did when the aromatic scent of chicken noodle soup was brought up with a side bowl of rice and small side dishes

He made sure you ate as much as you could without making you feel worse, making sure the foods weren’t too heavily scented with the smells of oil or anything of the sort that could’ve triggered your migraine worse

Tendo adapted to the times you began to get too stressed, migraines occurring every so often. He looked up on his phone or during his free time while you were out at class and he was back home to research, but not too deeply. He wanted to adjust to you and he did

He was known as miracle boy for a reason

Ushi:

You had seen all the signs, especially the biggest sign that always told you a migraine was coming: more frequent yawning but when it came to sleeping at night, you couldn’t even fall asleep until the night was halfway over and just a few hours later, you would feel Ushi shifting in bed, waking up

Your head was the biggest pain in your life and you hated it. The way one half of your head would throb and go through surges of sharp pain, it made you see stars but this time was a bit different

It was worse

You pressed your pillow over your head, pressing the soft and silky fabric into your face, biting your lip down to stifle your cries to not wake Ushi beside you

You already felt like you were a burden to him since he was new to being in the relationship scene but he was willing to learn if it meant he could be with you since he felt some sort of gravitational pull toward you from the beginning

You felt so sick and your eyes burned whenever you closed them, tears glided down your face and into your hair as you laid in the dark, suffering alone, silently

The feeling of pins and needles began to prickle in your hands as you continued to press the pillow into your face, a small yelp escaping you but into the plush pillow

You shut yourself up as fast as you could, essentially holding your breath to hear if he had woken up or if he stirred

But then you felt it. You felt a first grasp from a kind hand loosely wrap around your wrist in the dark, tugging it gently

“Y/N? Is it another migraine?” Ushi’s voice was deep and rich with sleep. You gathered yourself and carefully lifted the pillow, revealing yourself

The gentle light of the lamp post shined in through the window through the blinds, the dim white light revealing your teary eyes to him

“What happened?” He woke up a bit more, bringing his hand to your face, using the back of his middle and index finger to brush away remaining tears

“It… it hurts and I can’t sleep,” your voice was so weak and frail, just above a whisper. You just wanted to sleep deeply, being washed away by the dreams of the sand man, to be overtaken by any dreams he could show you tonight but you saw nothing

Careful not to make things worse for you, he lifted the blanket and opened his arms, inviting you in

You inched closer until you were laid beside his body, your feet tangled with his legs. He closed his arm around you and turned just the slightest so he laid on his back, your head on his shoulder beside his chest

With one hand, he held yours, resting them on his stomach while the other that wrapped around you from behind reached up to your head, massaging your scalp

He could remember the first time when the two of you became a couple, how “awkward” as others said he was around you but he could care less. He knew he had feelings for you and cared about you in a way that was different from family, friends, and volleyball and it was enough for him

He was very unsure of what to do when you had your first migraine around him, not knowing what to do or who to call until you were able to instruct him a bit after easing yourself temporarily

You were able to bring him out of a shell he didn’t even realize he was in himself and he yearned to grow with you, so learning how to help you when you had your migraines was a step out of many others he was willing to take

He laid awake, quietly hushing your cries away, continuing his ministrations until you were asleep, not sleeping a blink until you were first

Even if it took you all night to sleep, he was willing to stay up all night for you

Sakusa:

Sundays were bittersweet days to you- they were the days Sakusa was home all the time, unless he had a rest day on other days of the week too, but they were also the day he deep cleaned the house

This meant dusting, vacuuming, washing sheets and clothes, doing the dishes, washing and cleaning every inch of the house and car inside and out (though only washing his car ever few months than every week)

But the thing was, this meant every Sunday of the week, you were prone to migraines cause of the heavy smell of chemicals

Sakusa was very aware of your frequent migraines and did his best to air out the house without letting germs in, buying and using non scented/ less heavy chemical scented cleaning products

He was pretty busy during the week so he didn’t even notice that he was running low on the non-scented/ lightly scented cleaning products so when Sunday, today, came, he had to use the heavy smelling one

He warned you before hand when he realized this, mentally cursing himself

You were already feeling a little sick yourself since your body was used to feeling a little dizzy every Sunday from the smells

He turned on the cleaned and dusted fans as he cleaned throughout the ground level of the house while you were out to pick up some groceries, hopefully it would be enough

But he was wrong

When you came home, the house was wafted all over with the heavy smells of chemicals, it burned your eyes a little

The smell was so sharp but it didn’t compare to the sharp pain as if someone was slowly torturing you

You weakly brought to the groceries to the kitchen and poured yourself some water as Sakusa busied himself vacuuming in the living room, the cleaning materials he needed to wipe and dust every surface and corner he could see

The fans over the stove were on, set on the highest settings and so were the various stand fans in the living room. From what you could hear and see, he turned on all the fans he could to air out the house the best

But the smells were still too strong

The water helped but you quickly concealed your mask over your mouth and nose, bringing up the collar of your shirt over your mask

You pressed your shirt and mask over your face, getting rid of the smells and Troyes to ground yourself back down to the smell of yourself, going upstairs

The house was bright and of course everything was spotless, he wouldn’t have it any other way

Sakusa didn’t even notice you were home or you going upstairs, too engrossed in what he was doing

Going upstairs, the smell was thankfully a lot less potent and more fans blew all through the rooms and halls of upstairs

Your shared bedroom was brightly lit with the sun shining in, glowing off the white walls, warm against your skin

The pain was bearable, you were grateful you kept your mask on and he had fans on but wish you got a heads up

The bathroom had little to no scent at all to your relief after you cautiously lowered your shirt and mask, smelling nothing

But even though there was no strong smell, you still felt very nauseous and sick

Your shower wasn’t too long but I twas enough for you. All you wanted to do was lie down and rest so this was your current mission

Drying off, you wrapped the towel around yourself and went into the closet, dressing yourself into one of Sakusa’s jumpers

You could already hear the hissy fit he would probably throw since he wasn’t the fondest of having others wearing his clothes but you figured it would make things equal

You crawled into the crisp fresh sheets of the wide bed. You surrounded yourself with his scent- a clean one but not like any of the cleaning products

You fell asleep, hugging one of his pillows close to you, your face nuzzled into the plush thing when you felt the bed shift, stirring you from your sleep

Arms slowly wrapped around you, pulling you closer after a moment

“Sorry about the smells, are you okay?” He asked, resisting the urge to snatch his pillow back but he pushed it aside, his attention on you

“Mmhm,” you hummed softly, turning in your sleep and released the pillow, nuzzling your face into his cleanly washed shirt and chest instead

~~~~~ Thanks for reading! Masterlist for more! Please do not repost anywhere else!

Tags (let me know if you wanna be tagged for all my haikyuu posts): @yams046 @mazey-chan @sunboikyo00 @kara-grayson04 @fortheloveofbakugo @tsumtsumsemi

780 notes · View notes

shyrose57 · 3 years

Note

Brothers anon, im gonna start combing the two separate submissions again cause its getting too short to have them separate I think?

1: His possession messed with memories Ranbob had before, so memories of school friends or playing with Ran were distant to erased. Though after Dreams possession it was also harder to make and keep memories. But thankfully as Ranbob was recovering from Dream and got futher away making memories came eaiser to him, though he'll never get back the memories he lost.

3: Oh he would very quickly grow to regret his decision, but it would be funny. And Benjamin would later admit that while it was annoying and stressful, it was also fun and he was very happy to have his two families meet and generally get along.

8: Everyone is just in shocked silence before Cletus just goes "YEAHHHHHHHHHH!" Oddly happy that Ranboo committed so much arson. Oh definitely, after all the outcasts of society where put there. Of course people would make such negative rumors about Mizu and treat the people as the scum of the earth. Though this also means, people don't know what happened in Mizu, and anyone who knows, view it in a more happy and a "Their finally gone" type of way, then viewing it as the tragedy it was.

Spoons is a card game technically. A group of people sit in a group and everyone gets 4 cards, and you keep discarding at least 1 card of yours to the person on your left, who then does the same to their person on their left, the last person in the group puts a card into a discard pile. The goal is to get 4 of the same cards, and once someone gets 4 of the same cards, that person goes and grabs a spoon in a pile in front of them (let's say there's 5 players, theres only going to be 4 spoons cause there's always a spoon less than the people playing), once they grab one anyone can grab a spoon. And the person who doesn't get a spoon gets a S added to them, once Spoons is spelled the person gets out of the game, and a spoon gets removed to continue the game. Basically for flowers its played the exact same way but with flowers in the middle expect for spoons.

11: I just imagine Dream sulking in a corner as you yell at him and him going like "well I didn't know…" as he kicks a stone. And he wasnt sure what it was, but quickly jumped on the idea that maybe it was the fact that Ran was still alive somewhere, and that that's causing Ranbob to willingly let himself become weak and defy him. Causing Dream to become angrier at Ran and punish Ranbob harder.

----

3: During the brothers fight in the storm, and after everyone runs off to find Ranbob, Ran is left alone. And he decides to just wander off into the storm, not protecting himself from the rain so he does get burnt. The whole time he's lost deep in thought and isn't really paying attention. He continues to wander for a whole day unfollowed (because after the Gladiators and Fishermen came back to the cave after finding Ranbob they are in no rush to find Ran and decide to look for him after the storm passes, which takes a full day) and at some point Raq finds him wandering. Which Raq then uses Rans distraction to his advantage and attacks him. At first only really the gladiators where concerned when they found Ran gone. But once they found him blinded and terrified everyone felt awful and a looming sense of guilt. And everyone continued to feel that way, even after they got the antidote and Ran started to see again.

4: They would just leave Ranbob alone and check in on him every now and again. But generally let him deal with it himself. They'd feel guilty leaving him alone, but they also know that they can't really do anything for him as their not prepared or briefed on how to help him in this situation.

10: Oh definitely, even with Ran blinded they would've been kicked out immediately for fighting, without even a second glance. Dont forget, Ran still cares for his brother. And maybe, losing his sight made him face the side of him that wanted to become family again with Ranbob, maybe it brought enough to light that he just can't ignore it anymore. Mostly only negative potions can be permanent, like posion, blinding, wither, and nausea (I know the last like 3/2 are effects but they've also found a way to make effects into potions.). You already know what a antidote for blindness would be. A antidote for wither would be, a ghast tear (actually a basic ingredient for almost every antidote), blaze powder, and glistening melon to make a overpowered healing potion. Antidote for posion would be ghast tear, swiftness (so it acts fast to get rid of the posion), and the 3rd ingredient depends on what kind of posion it was (posion that has a side effect of constricting or filling the lungs with water? Pufferfish and Turtle shell for last ingredients. Posion that has weakness? Blaze powder, and glistening melon) And antidote for nausea would be ghast tear, and potion of slowness to allow the person to slowly feel better, so their nausea doesn't hit them all at once before disappearing, which can cause them to throw up or have side effects.

13: Thats exactly what they did.

14: Jackie will 100% attempt to fight God and no one can stop him. :) (to be honest im not sure yet, I know I want to do more with Raq and have the idea that maybe he could be the person that finds Dream and gets him out of Mizu, but that's pretty often used in stories and I want to try to think of something more unique. Maybe I'll have it so Raq actually manages to capture the brothers or at least one of them and uses them as blackmail?)

15: When Ranbob was a child and Ran was just a baby Ranbob would often take Ran out of his crib and take him to go watch the fish swim by. When Ran was old enough he'd follow Ranbob everywhere, even a few times he managed to sneak into Ranbobs class room and almost wasn't caught. Ran got extremely clingy one day and managed to gather his haunting all up into his arms and carried them around, even though he was obviously struggling. And Ranbob used to complain about his teachers and idiotic classmates whenever he got home, which is funny when you consider Ran was very impressiable at the time and Ran started mimicking Ranbob, leading to him cursing, much to Ranbobs dismay.

And im curious, do you have any questions that I havent answered? Or do you have any ideas for anything? I'd love to hear whatever you have to say about anything honestly!

Course! I dont have much lore wise other than they go to Kelalen and when they hear Dream is still around they decide to stay back to help fight him. But the idea I have is that Karl is just kinda hanging with everyone I listed, talking about allies or treaties when his time traveling clock/watch starts to go off, and he panics, but sadly in his haste to stop it he makes it worse and it grabs everyone, where they end up in the future. After hours of confusion and explaining they calm down. When 2 days later they find the Gladiator and Fishermen group, at first Karl is strongly against going to then for help, but everyone basically ignores him and go to ask for help. Hours of explanation and proof giving later the GF (Gladiator and Fishermen, got tired of writing it out) group sadly tells them that they cant really help. Until Ran (who was previously gone searching the surrounding area and making sure it was safe) appears high up on a tree (cause I just can't get the image of Ran on a tree and looking comfortable and confident as hell out of my head), and says that maybe Kelalen can help, if not going to Foolish may be a good alternative. Isaac, and Grievous are extremely against going back (at this time a 2 months have past since they left Kelalen)n saying it could be dangerous but Ran just aboustely shoots them down, along with Watson and Jackie agreeing with Ran, and Karls group agreeing to it. They head off to Kelalen. And Jackie is extremely excited at the potential of going to see Foolish finally. And it'd probably be like a sub au where the brothers au is the main backbone for it but at a certain point it separates from the au and becomes its own.

1: Okay, ouch. Can you imagine if Ran brought one of those memories up, and just had Ranbob look confused, or horrified, depending on how quick he realizes what happened? How would Ran react to that realization, both before and after he forgives Ranbob?

3: If nothing else, everyone got some laughs from it-even Benjamin, once his friends were far, far away from his family and not able to teach them more chaos.

8: Cletus, why are you so happy? Do you just enjoy knowing chaos existed back then? Are you an arsonist? What’s up with you?

Also, wow. Not cool, other city people, that’s very mean.

Spoons sounds like it’s interesting, I might try it sometime. Did the group just have those cards on them? What other games did they have?

11: Good, put Dream back in the corner, I’m gonna be yelling more. Because, seriously dude? I know you probably exist solely out of spite, but c’mon. Admittedly, from a certain point of view, it could be considered amusing that your first thought was that Ranbob was making himself weaker out of defiance/spite but like. From a more responsible and mature viewpoint, that’s incredibly stupid, and I-just. Buddy, hate to tell you, but I’m pretty sure that’d just be a you thing. Besides you were in Ranbob’s head, didn’t he think Ran was dead? It doesn’t even make sense. Good lord, I’m half-tempted to get the broom and chase you around like you’re a particularly unruly barn cat.

------

3: First of all, that sounds really scary for Ran. Second of all, are we getting an overprotective arc?

4: Kind of sad, but understandable, they’re dealing with the situation as best they can.

10: Even if the group was provoked by the townspeople? Potions sound really cool, wish I could make those in real life, tbh.

13: W-what do you mean ‘that’s exactly what they did’? Anon, is your friend, like, a legit gremlin? I’m spooked.

14: Foolish takes one look at Jackie, wearing a smile that exactly matched Tubbo’s when he was about to cause chaos, and immediately nopes out of that. He knows that face, and he will not be getting tangled into a fight with a goblin child today, no sir. I’m sure Jackie tries regardless though. (Also, that sounds like that goes horribly, do we get an overprotective ender-sibling, for whoever gets captured or used as blackmail, if that’s what you do?)

15: I love all of these so much, oh my gosh. Baby Ran seeing the fishes and following his big brother around. Poor Ranbob’s face when his baby brother cursed one day, Ran trying to carry all of his haunting. I’m in tears, honestly.

Umm...I can’t think of anything right now, to be honest. If I ever do have a question or idea though, I’ll through it on the Brothers AU tag for you to check out, I guess.

Oh, this sounds really cool. The part about them just ignoring their local time traveler when they’ve just time traveled particularly amuses me, as does Jackie wanting to see Foolish-I feel like Foolish may be a little more than terrified to see both Tubbo and Jackie back, honestly. Why was Ran willing to help them so much? What did they do to offer proof? How did Ranbob react once they proved who they were? How does all the group get along? Are they Ranboo’s haunting, and if so, if Ranboo gets close with his descendants, does he merge his hauntings with theirs? How does the time group feel about the Brothers fighting, and Ranbob’s possession?

#Brothers AU #dream smp #dream smp au #tales from the smp #ranbob #tubbo #ranboo #foolish gamers

19 notes · View notes

thoughtsofmyown30 · 4 years

Text

My father was very abusive to women, my mom was treated as a play thing to him out of fear she was his slave and had been broken in by him many times over.

My Father laughed at humiliating and physically pain fully whipping my mom. He had her clean the house nude his sadist nature reminded her to never hesitate or let him see her question his command. I had seen my mother crawling on her knees and hands a dog collar and leash attached my father leading her around all day treating her as a real dog she ate from bowls on the floor he forced her to use the yard as her bathroom, she wore a tail held by a large metal bulb that was in her bottom he locked her in a dog cage when she upset him or to show off his pet to his work friends. I hear her sobbing and crying out as father whipped her body and her private parts using enemas ginger root plugs icy hot hot sauce restraining cuffs nipple piercing attached to a chain that was hooked to her private parts. His blood daughter from a previous marriage was treated the same way. Sexual physical mental emotional broken and trained to be his slave. Disobedience was harshly punished he had other ppl just to come over and watch him beat his slaves and watch them suffer then fear driving them making them degrade humiliated displayed naked treated and dressed up as teen girls or dogs. Both forced to sexually play with each other and others as well as there master. He was the town judge so no one gave him any issue no matter what it may have been. My mom and sister had been forced to be knotted for his bday gift anal alway. He took pictures and video recording the event as later using as black mail to make them fear what ppl would say if they ever saw them. It always worked and both would be doing more perverted twisted kinky humiliation in stead.

I was told to watch or join in be a man and use his house slaves if I refused he would be insulted and they where treated worse for it.

So I sometimes would start whipping there ass already shredded by father but taking more as I made sure he felt I was doing it 100% the would be incoherently sobbing begging mercy.

I was using meth at 13 years old my mom and sister where kept coked up to make them feel more able to obey deal with pain easy and earn the drug that made them feel numb but was the very thing making them degrade themselves to make it easier to get abused..

My father was a souless pos. My first gf was 13 I was 16 she was a run away from many miles away her past was daily second by second a living hell.

She asked if I could get her high she was. Cute and very sexy submissive and obedient off the bat to me. I told her that I was looking for a gf if she wanted the job she would have a home with me. She agreed great ful for my offering she knelt down and orally sucked swallowed and kissed my cock as a that was all she could do to make me feel like she

Was great ful. I told her before I took her to my father's home what she would be seeing. She looked at me and said she was only going to serve me my pleasure my stress my boredom was to be taken out on her. She was raped by family friends and beat as well daily. If she was going to be treated that way she was at least going to say who could have her willing to be treated that way by me. She was new to meth and I still was but I was 3 years plus every day night I could be doing it. My body was used to the training grounds if meth. She was so horny and the meth made her body freely behaving as she tried to get me aroused ensuring her body was used. She saw my father walking in the kitchen mom was bent over and being fked anally hard and fast her body whipped freshly marked tears rolled down her face my sister tounge deeply in side her father's ass licking as he roughly as he could pounding her ass hole his fat long thick cock stretched out mom his tip was almost as fat making it hurt when he pulled out doing it often to add to the pain pushing it back in spit and her pussy juice only lube she was going to get. Enemas before anal always two if needed rinsed by a hose in the yard, I loud and proud told my father who never stopped fking his slave smiled and said he was proud of me finally his eyes saw a man now that I had said this was my first and new slave she was to be living with me 24/7 daisy watched my father drilling his wife father noticed and barked at her for staring she yelped scaring her and apologizing calling him Lord as his new title he loved it and allowed her to call him that. I sold a lot of dope and always had drugs money and nice shit older women and younger always trying to find out how they could be the one who could secure me and my money for them to ride easy in life. I did that shit cuzz I wished for death so I tested mortality every living second I could.

Yeah I'm fucked up morally and I admit I started to see why father enjoys his slaves. My new toy was waking me up by making my cock her priority, she stayed in my room if I left high good in my fridge and I had my own shower washing drying machine t.v computer internet. So she was not board.

I came home every time even after I was gone days in a row to see a naked girl laied out belts paddles straps tied her self up and had been ordering a list of adult toys to be used on her to better keep my interest. She loved being fked anally hard until she was crying it sore hurting badly my cum filled her ass her mouth cleaned my cock every time I finished cumming in her ass. She gave her enemas before I was home to stay clean shaved her ass pussy and body or waxed it. I bought my own apartment to sell my dope out if and when I took her to my money spring she saw women come hang out and flirt with me using sex there body pretty and they where perverted some more then me trying to sell sex or be a good trade they get high and stay and will do anything I could think of no matter what it was in return. Daisy mad yelled at one of my regular friends who I liked as a friend she was cool and we joked about that shit I told her to earn 5 grams all she had to do was strip that girl naked and paddle her bottom hard fast and long until she agreed to behave like you referred to my friend. Jenny grabbing that girl pulled her over her lap tearing her clothes off roughly holding her ass down pinning her with strength alone and infront of all the people I had in my place she thrashed that girl scolded her daisy blushed sobbing begging to be let go daisy was reduced to involuntarily calling jenny Mommy pleading with her as she regressed to a young child. I had an idea and paying in dope jenny was to teach my girl how to conduct her self. Daily once at my money tree farm daisy was training to be craving for a painful whipping it was my wish to have a girl crave pain and humiliation making it pleasure to her broken mind. Jenny had that cunt lesson fully learned in under 2 months I said I wanted a pet a fully functional trained puppy slut. 7 months daily training lessons daisy obeying her hit teacher who had broke her will by using a harsh whipping on her ass down her pussy lips and thighs inner her clit butt hole beat hard to break her of any hesitation or thought of not obeyed respected eagerly awaiting to serve the pain of a whipping was done to a point that she feared that lvl and would obey as to not earn that stage ever again. Jenny said for 13 ounces of premium ice she would be at my call anytime or place to deal with the naked bitch I had drooling over my boots licking my fingers and playing fetch with a small skinny rubber dildo.

I after thought agreed to a ounce every two months in trade for jenny to take a month off and training my bitch every way possible then I would pay her a fat ounce and she would return two months later to train daisy in something new. Even bringing a young girl her age to turn daisy bisexual. Other older and cruel men I felt with often brought there sluts with them showing off your slaves willing ness to obey any task given to it was bragging rights and showed how much control you maintain as well. Blacks mexicans whites and a Japanese guy I liked having with brought there slave new or one that was never failing to please her master would be brought on party nights and showed off for the party favor. We had drugs cash every where liqure and music the basement refurbished into a bar and striper club poles and kinky shit everywhere to treat a slave as a fking slave. 7 bitches drugged up until they hit the max lvl making them degrade themselves as we watched playing cards they crawling naked crying as there skin was bruised from a belt or other implements cages liking them in to gags so the animals where quite. The jap okatuk brought his sister her friend both whom looked young and feared okatuk as he threatening to beat them both and both fear overwhelmed them crying as they showed off playing with each other. Japs look so young and even if they where I loved training Young girls to be sluts at still a young age in that concern. We party hard two weeks straight was normal.

4 notes · View notes

newproletarians · 4 years

Text

new proletarians

Alright, so I’m feeling a few things. I’m angry and confused at the world and my place in it, and I don’t want to lose sight of my heart. The reason that’s even on the table is that I feel—in a very real, day-to-day sense—the urge to just let it callous over with grey boogers, or whatever callouses over the hearts of Squidwards everywhere. Regular old life can do that to a devastating degree, but so can the usual suspects—things like real trauma and tragedy. I’d like to say I’ve experienced a little of both at this point in my young life, but I’m still fighting the calcification of my heart. Let’s hope that in just throwing my brain at the proverbial wall, some things stick that are worth sticking. Maybe my clarity can also be yours, reader. Maybe we can snuggle up with ourselves tonight, content that we know what the fuck is going on in the world, and smugly abstain from that which our friends could never imagine abstaining from, and which we’ve known we’ve needed to abstain from for decades. Whatever. It’s wordy. It’s a fucking blog, future me. They’re supposed to contain words. Also, maybe, if I’m writing a blog where the over 50% of the audience is myself, writing it is supposed to feel at least a little similar to masturbating.

Where to begin? Well, let’s start with this: I am a college-educated youth who attended what’s commonly referred to as the best public university in the world. I received a rolled up piece of paper symbolizing a degree on a stage with other students and professors a year and a half ago. So it’s recent. And right off the bat, in my young adulthood, I have a chip on my shoulder, having that big qualifier of “public.” I went to the world’s fanciest college... for the proletariat. What does that mean? For me, this brings to mind a lot of issues having to do with the distribution of wealth in the United States, in addition to what the hell is going on economically here and in the world—but that’s something to get into later. The more pressing issue is what the hell the role of a college-educated young person is today. DFW pretty succinctly laid out an idea of what that could be in his famous address. His point was basically that college (specifically, a liberal arts education) gives you the critical thinking skills necessary to be able to get through life under capitalism (or whatever you want to call the current regime) without going crazy. I think we can do better than that. Also, fuck it, I’m giving myself permission to be temporarily pissed off, because fuck that, dude. I know that rage isn’t always an indicator of fruitful conversation, but I gotta let some steam out somewhere. I’m sure that it’ll only lead to me being better down the line. God—I am pissed. About how we’re deciding to go about talking through issues we’re having as a society (on Twitter, but also in comments sections and in NY Times articles). I have so much anger, I’m just now realizing, and I need to process it without stupidly burning myself out on it. It’s a subject for later, and not what we’re talking about right now. Right now, we’re talking about the role of the college-educated youth today. I think we’re getting somewhere, too. I don’t think the role of the college-educated youth in today’s scenario is to correct their friends and families, nor is it to Tweet about how embarrassing, vulgar, or otherwise horrible stupid people are—however embarrassing, vulgar, or otherwise horrible they may be. The role, to me, has to do with learning this stuff. Learning about systems of power, systems of abuse (many of which hum merrily along in universities—looking at you, Searl. [My anger, you guide me, but you also lead me astray]).Staying ON POINT. The way it has to do with these things is that today’s C.E.Y. needs to notice them, understand them, then DO something about them. There are, for instance, things that we learn about privilege and prejudice in university that we may be tempted to hurl at our elders back home as insults. Our jobs, as young students, are to be sexy, fashionable, charismatic stewards of the new age. Instead of yelling at our parents about being racist, we should, say, intervene in a subtle way that guides rather than punishes. That preserves trust and connection in relationships while simultaneously doing our best to right centuries-old wrongs. But this is about so much more than that. Our role is about how we conduct ourselves as the nations intelligentsia. But that’s a question. I’m not answering it here, try as I might. I still don’t know how I feel about it. It stretches into all corners of life, this role. For instance, into several things in my life I’m mad about.

For instance, I kind of hate my closest loved ones. Oops. That’s where I’m at. Am I supposed to ignore these feelings? They’re there, they’ve been there, and if I know anything about our brains, it’s that feelings shouldn’t be ignored. That’s what dumb ass patriarchs think. The funniest/saddest part of that is that they, said dumb asses, tell themselves that suppressing their feelings is the manly thing to do. It’s honestly just the cowardly thing to do. Men are so afraid of confronting their feelings that they would rather go their entire life wearing a life three sizes too small than mention a thing about it. Anyway. They’re conditioned to feel this way by their surroundings. This—this is a great point that I would love to be a major takeaway here. The thing about being educated is that you’re aware of systems, that systems need to be changed. Fault the people who can change the systems, if anyone, but really, even they are just products of the system. The good thing is that, as a powerless mass of atomized society, we have been created by these systems knowing SOME things that are wrong with it. Now we, the crumbs of dust living in and created by the gargantuan grandfather clock of life, have the sentience necessary to band together and make switch out some gears. Picture a big hand of made of dust, fixing the clock. That’s us. That’s what the role of college educated students is today. But that’s not so much the point of this paragraph, so much is the fact that I kind of hate my closest loved ones—which feels so good to say. My best friends, for instance, are really rough individuals. One is an obvious, obnoxiously insecure, compulsive liar. He’s not super tall and weighs almost 300 pounds. It’s not nice to say this stuff, but the purpose of life isn’t to be nice about everybody all the time in your own head, or on your own anonymous blog. He alienates everyone I bring him around with his bizarre persona. His insecurity is so deep that I shit you not, almost a majority of the interactions I’ve had with him would very reasonably get a “come on,” response from anyone. He has to create little talking points to make his life feel acceptable. He’s one of those people who constantly refers conversations back to their insecurities, and how they feel so secure about them, for this reason and that reason. It’s like, Christ, man. Come on. I feel a lot more ways about this, but I’m a little scared he’ll see this some day. I’m worried he’s going to die young, because he is extremely overweight. His doctor said he’s a few months away from a heart attack/stroke unless he takes immediate action, which it seemed like he was taking initially, but it doesn’t really seem like it anymore. I don’t know. The whole situation feels extremely choked by our inability to just communicate with our fucking words. And yes, I am sounding angry, I’m not actually this angry, but consider these the bubbles from a can of soda that’s been shaken. What will be left is the only-slightly-bubbled soda. That’ll come soon. For now, there are bubbles. New paragraph.

The point that I was trying and failing to get to in the previous paragraph is that I don’t like this guy. He has a lot of great qualities, and he’s certainly not a bad person to have in one’s life—as in, he’ll never cheat on his spouse, and he’ll always go the extra mile for his friends in a certain sense. But I don’t. I wish I could just talk to him about this weird, bizarre, fucking deal breaking shit, but I just can’t. Our communication is choked. I don’t think it’s his fault, though. I think it’s to do with overlapping systems of culture that make it difficult. Maybe. Maybe that’s not the point here, and the real point is just that I feel stuck in that situation. Moving on.

(TW: sexual assault)

Another friend is a fucking bona fide sexual assaulter. He practically got #metoo’d, on a personal level. His gf broke up with him because he sexually assaulted the female half of their best-friend-couple. He fingered her while sharing a bed with her and his gf, for some confusing reason. We talked about it and he gave me this wordy, bizarre, incongruent tale of what happened. It involved a LOT of details and qualifiers. When I talked to the dude half of the couple, the guy who was (and still is) with the woman who got assaulted, he said that my friend just straight up did a ton of nonconsensual shit. He also said that when his gf told other people, more people came forward saying this guy had been creepy to other women in their friend circle. This friend absolutely has a history of gaslighting and successfully avoiding trouble by forcing his way. I need to talk to him, but again, fucking choked. I have no ability to have any kind of “real talk” with him. We do not have a venue, and the prospect of confrontation is absolutely debilitating to the average WASP-y dude. Which brings us to our next situation.

I have a great friend I met in undergrad. She is very well-liked, and while I definitely don’t agree with everything she thinks, I really value her friendship. Her boyfriend is a fucking nightmare. Not really, honestly. There are actual nightmare boyfriends. This boyfriend is more of a waking nightmare. The kind of nightmare that becomes worse because it’s so hard to call out. It just keeps going. I’ve kept CLOSE track, and every SINGLE time I’ve hung out with them as a couple, this guy crosses the line. He says condescending, mean, weird, bizarre, shit that... there’s just no better way to say it than he crosses a line that normal people don’t cross. I haven’t counted, but we’ve probably hung out close to 30 times. Every time it happens, every time I give him another chance. I got a little counseling about this situation from a friend’s mom, just in casual conversation, and her advice was to figure out what in me upset me about this guy. At that point, I realized that what Eric Andre said is true: advice is stupid. Also, that I am not going to run my life based on what this person, who I previously looked up to in a god-like way when it came to relationships, says. I am going to figure it out on my own, because it seems like everybody’s solution to relationship issues is to never talk about them, or to have some kind of inner-peace solution that makes getting abused not suck so bad (looking at you, DFW). Ugh. Okay. Moving on, again. Because yep, there’s so, so much more. Again, asking questions here, not answering them.

Also, if you’re reading this and thinking “damn, bro, your life is boring,” that’s my point. This is just normal life. These are just normal people. This is the water we’re swimming in. It’s fucking tense, man. Living in the United States is tense.

I’m running out of steam at this point, but God damn it. My brothers are dick holes. And we’re great friends. They are guys who don’t ever cause a fuss, avoid confrontation at all costs, and are nothing but rewarded for it. Sometimes I think I have something to learn from them in that regard. But is that really the life we want to live? Just don’t communicate your issues? It’s just frustrating. They act superior to others, but are categorically unable to have an honest, undiplomatic conversation. They act superior to others, and are treated as superior. It feels a little like talking to robots, talking to them, decoding what they’re saying to ascertain how they may actually be feeling in a given moment. I have no idea how they feel about me. Or anything. I don’t even think they know or care. I think they just get by, and they’re rewarded for it.

Alright, moving right along. My dad. Damn do I want to not talk to that guy. I can’t talk about anything real with him. It’s like playing ping pong where the other person can only hit the ball if it goes where his paddle already is, and his paddle’s made out of glass.

This is a sample of some real life issues I am dealing with, spoken as honestly as possible, as is evidenced by the rampant spelling and grammatical errors. College works into this as the thing that has given me recourse for dealing with this stuff. As a college educated youth, I can approach life in an informed, good way. This is life. Etc.

What am I walking away with? Well, I now know for sure that I have a lot of shit to work through. MAYBE more than one Tumblr post. Also, I guess I am proving that people still Tumbl in 2021. I am starting to really understand what the questions I have are. I think part of my issue stems from some feeling of being “out of the loop,” or having some natural, in-set outrage about not understand what’s going on, which was founded by years of being the same height as the people around me’s knees, being the youngest person in my family. Everyone around me were skyscraper people with adult conversations happening way up there. It’s a little imposter syndrome, I think, too. It comes from being the youngest, I think, too. Mixed with a natural sensitivity that I’ve noticed people like me have.

My goal is to get better at living my life. That involves understanding how I want to live, it involves understanding what my values really are, thinking through them a little, and more. I think it’s really worth it. In the meantime, I am not a work in progress. I am a fucking careful, cool, bright, talented guy who is not perfect, but is working on it. And I am going to postpone making any big decisions about my personal life until I get some clarity.

I thought I’d get more to the subject of the new proletarians, which is something I was thinking about today when listening to Harmontown and asking myself questions about what college is for if it just makes us unemployable, debt-ridden, twitter douchers. Anyway. We’ll get to it again sometime.

This was nice. Let’s do this again sometime.

1 note · View note

dearlydreadful · 5 years

Text

Stray Kids Reactions

Scenario Requested - Reacting to their gf having diabetes

my favorite is minho

Jeongin

“What do you mean you asked your hyungs?” You felt queasy. Sure, you generally shared your diagnosis of diabetes with just about anyone who came into contact with you, but it felt weird knowing that the entire group now knew.

Jeongin scratched the back of his neck nervously. “Well, I didn’t know how I could you and when I don’t know what to do I go to the hyungs for advice. I thought they could help.”

You felt the heat creeping up your neck and into your cheeks.

“Don’t worry, they already hit me for sharing your private information without asking first.” He rolled his eyes. “But then they had some pretty good ideas. The first one being, I need to know more. I mean, I know it means your blood sugar is unstable but I don’t know why and I don’t know how you fix it.”

You wanted to still be angry. You wanted to say that you wished you had footage of all 8 members giving him a good slap. You couldn’t even pretend to be mad once your boyfriend gave you that earnest pout.

“Please, help me understand better.”

You brought your hands up to his cheeks and squished them together. “Fine. But first, you at least owe me lunch.”

Seungmin

Seungmin was staring at his food. It had officially been ten minutes since you had casually mentioned your diabetes. You had learned from experience that it was best to talk about it early in a relationship. But from his expression, you were starting to think maybe it was a bit too early.

“Are you okay, Seungmin?” You reached a hand out towards him on the table. His eyes darted up to yours and then to your hand.

“I’m fine. Do you like your food?” As soon as the sentence was out, his face flushed. “I mean, I didn’t mean, you know, that you can’t.” You interrupt his struggle with finding a full sentence with a laugh.

“I like the food plenty. And asking about food isn’t going to offend me or my diabetes.”

“I’m sorry.” His shoulders slump and his pretty mouth frowns. “I don’t really know what it means or how it’s different.”

“That’s okay. I can tell you more, if you’re curious?”

He gives you a sheepish smile and nods.

Felix

You watched Felix’s body glide through dance moves. His hair flung as he took a quick spin and then stuck to his forehead. He was watching himself in the mirror, making sure every move was done perfectly on beat. He was flawless in all his sweaty glory.

You were stuck staring. It took you several minutes to realize he was now looking at you through the mirror. He chuckled at something you had missed.

“Are you ready to try?”

You had thought he was sweet when he originally offered to bring you into dance practice. He knew how much you hated to exercise but how mandatory it was to help regulate your blood sugar. He had reassured you that dancing with him would make it fun.

Now you knew you were going to look like a fool beside him.

“I think I’m actually going to take a trip with the treadmill instead.” You turned on your heel and moved for the door. Of course you didn’t get far before Felix was pulling you toward the center of the room.

“Come on. I promise it’s not hard. I can break it down more for you.” His warm brown eyes pleaded with you.

You sighed. “And you have to go a lot slower!”

Jisung

“What have you eaten today?”

This is supposed to be a brief conversation with your boyfriend while he’s on tour. You’re supposed to tell him you miss him and ask if he’s having fun. He’s supposed to miss you and tell you stories of the boys shenanigans. He’s supposed to be having the time of his life during the best time of his career. But instead, he’s asking you what you ate.

“You don’t have to do that, you know.” You feel bad that his mind is on you and your diabetes. He should be practically carefree on tour so he can focus on his performances and fans.

“Don’t have to do what? I’m talking to my beautiful girlfriend and asking her how she’s doing.”

“You’re asking about my blood sugar.”

“Right, because my girl is so sweet I have to check in on her and make sure she doesn’t get too sweet.”

You can’t help but chuckle as his lame attempt at a joke. “That’s really corny.”

“You like me best that way.”

“Well, you’re not wrong.”

“Good. Now what did you have for breakfast?”

Hyunjin

You had been dating Hyunjin for months now. He had been with you through countless doctor visits, long discussions, and your transition to the insulin pump. None of it mattered though. Any occurrence, no matter how slight or small, and he would freak out.

He was currently panicking with his phone, trying to phone the hospital or an ambulance. He was muttering to himself and glancing at you with such concern.

And all you could do was laugh.

“I think you’ve gone manic.” He chews on his bottom lip.

“Hyunjin,” You wipe at the tears that are collecting in your eyes. “Please hang up on the phone. I’m absolutely fine.”

“You don’t know that! I couldn’t damaged you!”

His desperation only makes you laugh harder. “You just … knocked my pump … off.” You took several deep breaths to calm yourself. “It didn’t even detach from me! It just hit the floor, but that’s why I have a case. It’s absolutely fine!”

“I need someone with a medical degree to confirm that. I’m not ready to put your life at risk! Hello?” He turned as someone must have come on the phone for him finally.

You shake your head at your adorable but crazy boyfriend.

Changbin

“I know you’re upset.” Your boyfriend's voice is low and firm. You don’t answer him, but instead let your mouth form a pout. He’s definitely right. “Jagi.” He puts a warm hand on your shoulder to pull you around toward him. “What happened? You were having a night out with the girls. Did you not want to come home to me?”

You roll your eyes at his attempt to make you laugh, but you can’t fight the quirk at the corner of your lips. “Of course I wanted to come home to you, Binnie.”

“Then what could ever be wrong?”

You sighed. “It just gets so tiring of being the only one who can’t drink.”

A look of understanding takes over Changbin. He wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. “I know it’s unfair, Jagi.”

There are tears that prickle at your eyes. You know it’s a stupid thing to be upset over. Most days your diabetes is just a part of life. You barely blink an eye at how it affects you. But then there are nights like tonight.

“I hate it! We were supposed to celebrate tonight, for Sana’s new promotion. Everyone got smashed and I just had to drink water. Why do I have to be like this?”

He patted the back of your head. “It’s a shit card to have.” He agreed with you. Changbin never made you think your feelings were invalid. Even though somewhere in the back of your head, you knew you shouldn’t be crying about not being able to drink alcohol, you needed to. And Changbin understood that. He would let you yell, curse, and even sometimes break things. All the while agreeing and comforting you.

Your emotions merge into an overwhelming appreciation. Hot tears slide down your cheeks as you cling to his shirt. You mumble the words as he holds you tighter. “Thank you.”

Minho

You sighed as Minho continued to give you the cold shoulder. He had been refusing to talk to you ever since you got back from the doctors. You hadn’t been checking your blood sugar as diligently as you should have been recently, and the visit had been a clear indicator of that.

Finally, you had had enough. “Will you at least say something instead of sitting there fuming?”

He glared at you but kept his lips pressed together.

“I can be mad too, you know. It’s inconvenient to have to prick myself at least four times a day.”

“Inconvenient?” His voice was much louder than you expected. You immediately shrunk back. “Making sure you’re healthy is inconvenient for you?”

“You don’t understand.” You mumbled and turned your head away from him. You were wishing you had left him cold and quiet now.

“Oh no. I understand perfectly fine. I get that it’s really unfair to have to monitor everything you do and eat and then have to take a million tests in a day and sometimes the insulin shots on top of that.” His anger slowly fizzled as he spoke. “What I don’t get is how you can so defiantly not take care of yourself. Do you know how lost I would be if something happened to you?”

Your heart ached at the sadness in his tone now.

“When I get that call that says you’ve been admitted to the hospital, my whole world shatters.”

You move closer and lay your head on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Minho. I promise I’ll try harder.”

He sighed softly and pressed a kiss against your temple. “I love you, Jagi.”

Bang Chan

You had told Bang Chan about your diabetes on your second date. Your stomach dropped as his eyebrows rose and he responded with a soft ‘oh’. It was always a hard bump to get over when starting a relationship, but you felt worse about how it had gone. You hadn’t even softened the blow for him but rather just blurted it out.

You checked your phone again, hoping for a new notification. You had only received a few texts since the awful dinner finished. You were sure he was trying to run. And who could blame him? You hadn’t done a stellar job at explaining anything.

You groaned as you replayed the sentence in your head. I have type 2 diabetes. Yeah, that sounds like the perfect second date material.

Your phone went off and you jumped at the notification. You fumbled for it and bite your bottom lip to hide the wide grin that begged to be free as you saw it was Bang Chan. He wanted you to come outside.

You practically skipped out of your apartment to see him leaning against his car. He greeted you with the knee weakening, dimpled smile and a hug.

“What’re you doing here so late?”

“I wanted to talk to you about something important.”

“Okay.” You swallowed hard. Those weren’t the words to put your nerves at ease.

“I’ve been doing a lot of research over the past few days, since you told me about your diabetes.”

“Research?”

“Yeah, like what type 2 means and what’s the best way to help someone who has it. Most of the stuff just said to be a good support system so I wanted you to know that I’m here to do that. I’ll help you do anything, including,” he paused and reached back toward his car. Your heart was already melting at his words, but when he turned back around with a jar of almonds in his hands you knew that Bang Chan was special. “Making sure you have snacks at the ready for when you need them.”

You were truly touched that he had done so much just for you. You took the almonds from his outstretched hand and let the happiness in your chest bring you courage. You leaned in quick and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. “Thank you.”

Woojin

You always felt awkward about taking your insulin out around people. You had already told Woojin about your situation, but actually seeing it was always a different story. You fidgeted under his stare.

“Do you need any help?”

“Um, I can do it.” You felt so small. You couldn’t even bring your eyes to meet his. It was only a moment before his warm hand was holding your cold one.

“I know you can silly, but I want to help. What can I do?”

“You’re not freaked out by the needle?”

“Jagi, I’m apart of your daily life now. I’m going to be here for all the shots. What do you need me to do?”

Heat flooded your cheeks at his sweet words. He had already learned that he could get whatever he wanted when he used that pet name. “You can hold my shirt up.”

You showed him how high you needed it and then quickly gave yourself the insulin.

“Does it hurt? I mean, I know you have to do it everyday, but like does it feel like a shot every time?”

You can’t help but giggle at his curiosity. “Not every time, but sometimes. It’s all about how you give the injection. It has to be the right angle and the right spot.”

“Is it always in your stomach?”

“No. Actually, if you always put it in the same spot, you can get a lump that forms. It’s pretty gross.”

Woojin rattled off with more questions. He made you laugh and feel normal. You couldn’t thank him enough for accepting you this way.

83 notes · View notes

suffering-and-happy-about-it · 5 years

Text

WhatsApp? Part 8. (Steve Rogers x reader)

Description: You’ve never been lucky with guys. You just wanted to catch someone’s eye, to be loved. One day, that’s about to turn completely - with one fake, completely imagined number a guy gave you

A/N: @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory thank you for reblogging! I notice every note and reblog you left me, babez! But I have a seriously hard time responding even to my own gf at the time, bcs I'm in the more depressed mood. Sorry.

Word count: 2 K

Tagging: @missdictatorme, @songforhema, @mikariell95

Read the rest here: Part One Part Two Part three Part four Part five Part Six Part seven

If you like to have your readings in order :): H E R E

The big evening finally came. Every one of you was in the backstage, listening to some stand-up comedian. He truly was hilarious.

It was simple - there was a hall full of people who had bought the tickets in pre-order. All of that money went to a charity. Then they could give more money if they wanted to the lady by the ticket station. After every show, the hall cleared out and people with tickets on the next show sat at the tables, ordered some drinks and waited for it to start. Some shows had twenty minutes, but there were other people, who had five minutes lasting shows as you were.

There were even people from the Marina present, those who were voted to take the check from Tony Stark himself as well. And they looked like they had a hella good time.

"I will sit next to you, would you mind?" - Deena said, already sitting down. You scooped a bit further to make some place for her ass. Then the both of you turned your heads to look at the guy performing. You both laughed. There was some singers, some bands, some other Charity workers - there was basically everyone. You even got a bit too excited when you saw Pepper freaking Potts sitting at the table in the back of the hall next to Happy Hogan.

Through the whole evening, you texted with Steve. You told him every of your itsy bitsy feelings and he was so kind that he has listened to you all the time. Meanwhile, girls have done your make-up and your hair, so you looked like a real lady coming straight from the forties.

May's hair was the hardest do make - she had a long, strong hair and she has a hell lot of them, which made it almost impossible to do. Yet she was now standing behind you on her high heels, looking definitely breathtaking.

Y/N: Never realizes that there will be so many people out here! I'm getting pretty nervous, handsome.

Steve: Do not freak out. It is going to be completely fine. We are here out with Bucky and Sam, pouring down some drinks. We are looking forward to your performance, girls. We truly do.

Y/N: Yeah, looking forward to seeing me killing somebody else?

Steve: Stop it. You will be great. And you will not convince me otherwise. And I will be there to see all of it.

That made you smile. Steve was the mental and emotional support to you every step you made and every breath you took, just like in that The Police song. When you felt insecure about you looking fat, Steve reminded you of how blown away he was just with the way you looked in that costume. When you thought that your make-up and your hair is too much, Steve texted back that you'll be beautiful to him no matter how much you'll put on.

He truly was trying to make every one of your little insecurities go away and he was doing a great job.

"He's somewhere out here tonight?" - Deena asked all of a sudden. She and Val took some really sultry sapphic photos before that and you were sure that they'll be used when you'll recap your whole year on the office Christmas party. They both looked sexy as hell, Deena even went so far she had shortened her skirt and wear her super push-up bra to make her cleavage more visible.

"Not at the moment, but he'll be. Yeah." - You nodded with a shy smile of a nervous girl. It was so strange, knowing that Steve will be there, checking out each of your moves with his bros.

You never showed him your face, but daily life pics became a next step between for the two of you. When you were at work, you took a simple headless selfie in the bathroom mirror, at lunch you photographed your food and you also sent him a photo of you in your PJ, doing a routine movie watching with some popcorn and Coke.

Steve, on the other hand, was a serious piece of cake. You drooled and you didn't even realize that your mouth was wet all over from your own saliva.

To say that Steve was buffed as fuck was a serious understatement. He was ripped like a Greek god. Maybe even they were nothing on his body. His usual daily selfie was a mirror one with him having a white, usually sweaty t-shirt and grey work out sweats. There was usually a bottle of water included. Sometimes he snapped a quick picture of him getting ready. Once you even felt your heart-stopping because of the sight of his collar bones and shoulders in a work out tank top.

At that moment, you were ready to call yourself some good ol' ambulance, because your eyes were drowning at that sight. He was a guy with a naturally sweet nature, so huge and ripped and yet somehow he hadn't found a girlfriend to be with. You couldn't comprehend.

Before meeting him on WhatsApp, you didn't believe in fucking miracles - but here he was and he seemed to be into you. You were hella out of your mind.

Yep. You had gotten off because of those pictures. Once or twice. But that was not your fault at all. You were a woman, someone who had their specific needs. That's just how it was. And Steve seriously was someone who even Val found seriously attractive.

Girls from the office were obsessed all over you two - sometimes, Deena and Suzie sang that you're in love and you answered that you're not. Which obviously became a really dramatic I won't say I'm in love from Hercules. But yeah. Just to be honest, you were all over the fucking place bevause of him. Which happened never ever before. And you haven't even met that man at the time. It was really fucking weird. It felt like his face isn't important to you - you knew him. That's what mattered.

"Do you think you'll be able to see him? Like a sixth sense? It would be as exciting as the end of the Titanic." - Deena sighed dreamily. You frowned at that.

"If you think that the death of basically 60% of the passengers was exciting... You do you I guess." - You answered with a strange expression on your face.

“Hey. You have that sexy hunk just waiting for every word you want to write to him and not each of us has the opportunity to have that. Some of us just develop a simple crush on Leo DiCaprio. Did you even see that little angelic baby in that movie? Jeez.” - Deena giggled. When she started, she was deadly serious, but in the end, she was laughing.

But she was totally clear about her crush on Leo. She even had a collection of t-shirts with Leos face on it. But she was all truthful - not everyone finds someone like you found Steve. All it took was a couple of coincidences and there you were.

“But it's nice. Men like that remind you that gentlemen are not a dead thing yet, even now.” - She leaned her shoulder into yours, smiling all happily. - “But I am a bit jealous about all of that, not gonna lie.”

Your head slowly bobbed and you leaned your forehead into khaki green cap masterly pinned into her hair with some pinnets. She was looking all good.

And she was right per se. Steve was truly something the others could be only possibly jealous of. And you should be really, really glad for him

And your gratefulness was the thing that made you all nervous about him being present while you do a total asshat in front of anybody else.

The time flew past you without you barely noticing. There were two other performers in the line in front of your office, and at the next moment, May was gripping your elbow and lead you to the moral hooray before you actually went to the stage. She was probably the best motivational speaker you ever heard, those men and women with courses were nothing on May Parker.

“Okay ladies, I am sincerely proud of you for not being afraid and actually doing all of this. I can't even express how happy I am that I found so many amazing women to do something like that with me. You're all looking flawless, pretty and lovely and I know we will nail the choreography because we worked hard almost every evening for the past few months, we will nail it. And now stand up and let's kick the others their asses!” - May yelled cheerfully. Every one of you clapped, those who had the need to express themselves louder, those cheerfully blew a whistle for May.

You feel a little confident - nothing too much harsh, nothing too big, but at least you felt positive about yourself when you took your chair and walked onto the stage.

---

“Can you feel the tension in the air? Something's coming.” - Sam nudged Bucky's side with his elbow. Bucky just gave him an ice-cold look and took his another beer from Sam's palm.

Steve made Sam take the tickets from the lady sitting behind the counter with all highschool girl nervousness - he was able to almost kill Sam when he joked about leaving the tickets on the counter. He was super nervous, super curious, almost not able to keep the feelings contained inside.

Their small group walked into one of the back tables with a clear view - you tried to take the best places which will be basically on the distance of a stretched arm. It was also close to the bar, which was some great news for Sam.

“Just jokin', Mr. Grumpy. I'm kinda curious about that girl. You plan on showing us or you will keep a secret?” - Sam sat on the other side of Bucky, taking a strong swing of his beer.

“Probably a secret. It would not be fair for you to know her face before she knows mine.” - Steve giggled and crawled deeper into his hood. He was worse than Natasha when she was on her missions, just tried to keep his identity in secret, but that was extremely hard because of how enormous he was.

“Like if birdbrain knew what intimacy or privacy is.” - Bucky said with an ironic tone of voice which made Sam frown as hell again.

“Well excuse me, but I know today's world more than you two will ever have the chance to. Don't try to make me angry, 'cause you can lose your biggest guide just like dat.” - Sam said with all serious face, but every one of them knew that he's shitting them.

Y/N: Okay, it's here. Wish me luck, cross your fingers, do whatever the hell you want, but enjoy it.

A text came just short second before all the lights turned down and Steve curiously wiggled on his chair with an expression of a small child. And at that moment, a serious load of ladies in forties female formal clothes came out of the curtains with chairs in their hands. And even tho he couldn't see the shirt you had under your uniform, at that moment, he exactly knew which one of them is you.

#Steve Rogers #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x reader #mcu #captain america #bucky barnes #winter soldier #sam wilson #the falcon #steve rogers imagine

53 notes · View notes

ofheroesandvillains · 6 years

Text

From The Start - Bucky Barnes

Bucky Barnes/Fem!reader

Words: 4.6k Warnings: None. Maybe a tiny bit of angst but not really. Pining. Request: ‘Hi! I looove your stories! Can I request a Buckyxreader os where she’s Steve’s gf but Bucky loves her and then they break up and he helps her get over Steve? Maybe later they get married and you can include dad!bucky?? idk…if you don’t want to do it that’s okay! Thnx :)))’

Thanks for the request and I hope it’s okay! I feel like it might be a little rushed, because I tried to include the whole request, so there might be a few time jumps! If you look closely, you’ll notice my inability to make Steve anything other than The Good Guy. Thanks for reading folks :)

(Gif not mine!)

Just seeing her was enough to put a smile on his face.

That shouldn’t have been the case, definitely not, especially considering who he was and who she was to him. The feelings he had for her, the ones he'd always had for her since the moment he met her, they were toxic. The places his mind would travel, the loving and -admittedly- sinful thoughts that it stumbled upon in those travels…they were dangerous thoughts to be having.

But that didn’t stop him from having them. Nothing could. He wouldn’t lie to himself and say he tried to move on, he knew he didn’t. He wasn’t the type to go out and find a pretty distraction in a tight dress, he knew how he felt and he knew that nothing was going to change that. If anything, it would make him feel even worse.

Every time he saw her, he felt alive.

Every time he spoke to her, he knew only she would be able to make him feel such things.

There was no one else like her, not in his eyes.

She was beautiful and funny, and kind, and he could go on and on about the long list of things he loved about her, but at the end of the day it would get him nowhere.

Why?

Because she wasn’t his to love. She was only his best friend.

And the fact that her boyfriend was his closest friend made him sick to his stomach. What would Steve say if he found out just what went through Bucky’s mind whenever he saw his girl? Steve knew that the two had become best friends in the time that they had known each other, but that only made Bucky feel even worse.

Steve trusted him. He trusted him with his life and his girl, and Bucky’s mind betrayed that trust every single day. Whether it was a sweet daydream in the middle of a workout, or his darkest fantasy when he was alone at night, he shouldn’t have been thinking about her like that.

He had tried to dissuade himself…how would you feel if the roles were reversed?

But did asking himself that really make a difference? Of course not, because in the safety of his mind he could have her to himself. He was allowed to be internally selfish if he was externally selfless, at least that’s what he always told himself. It wasn’t like he would ever act on his feelings, and he definitely knew that she wouldn’t accept them anyway.

Y/N…

She loved Steve, and no matter how much it pained Bucky to admit it, they were great together. So great that he had to look away from them whenever they so much as smiled at each other. So great that it hurt him to think about just when Steve would be taking that next step.

Was he a terrible person for hoping the answer was ‘never’?

But he knew that realistically it was probably soon. His friend had been acting strange lately, nothing too serious, but when Bucky asked him what was on his mind, Steve had told him that he had a big decision to make and that he was hoping it’d all be for the better.

If that didn’t mean marriage then Bucky didn’t know what did.

And it hurt. It hurt to even consider the fact that he would never have her…that she would be Steve’s in every sense of the word. Bucky loved her, and there was nothing that could be done to change that. So how would he be able to sit there, with a smile on his face, and watch her start the rest of her life with another man? With his best friend?

It would be cruel to ask him to do so.

Fortunately for him, he would soon come to realise just how wrong his assumption was…

“Y/N?” Bucky frowned in concern.

He’d heard the news, and despite the fact that he was a little hurt that Steve hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him in person, he knew she was hurting a lot more than he was.

A few of her friends had already been over to see her, but she hadn’t answered the door once, no matter how much they all begged her to. He had only just returned from a mission, where Steve had finally confirmed what no one had expected.

He was leaving the city and moving upstate to the Facility. It was even worse when Bucky realised that Steve…well, he didn’t want Bucky to go with him. It was almost like he was desperate to get away for a while.

Bucky’s heart had shattered as soon as he heard the news, and he hated that familiar feeling of helplessness that he’d grown accustomed to in his life.

It was bad enough that his best friend didn’t want to be around him, but if Steve was leaving, then so was she…and he didn’t know how to deal with that. Bucky believed that Steve was somewhat hesitant to leave, knowing that the city would always be his home, and that he would have to leave his friends behind. But he’d mistaken Steve’s sadness for something it wasn’t. He wasn’t sad about leaving, it was only a few hours away after all…he was sad because of how he was leaving.

Bucky knew that he shouldn’t have been so relieved to hear it, but he was.

“So, it’s true then…you’re heading upstate?”

“Uh, yeah.” Steve’s brows furrowed, a frown marring his tired features. Recent weeks had taken their toll, physically and emotionally. The guilt of avoiding Bucky was eating him up, but he couldn’t bear it…seeing it all play out before his eyes.

“Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Ah don’t worry about it.” Bucky waved off his friend’s obvious concern with a forced smile. “I’m surprised Y/N didn’t tell me though.”

Steve almost flinched at her name.

Bucky could barely get the words past his lips. Why hadn’t she told him? They told each other everything and this wasn’t just some vacation that Steve had booked for them, she was leaving the city!

Steve cleared his throat uncomfortably, eyes dropping to the floor as a sudden sadness flooded them. “Th-That’s because she didn’t know…”

After everything he’d been through, Steve knew that if anyone deserved happiness it was Bucky. He knew when he was beat, and it was only a matter of time until someone got hurt at the rate they were all going. He couldn’t stay, not when he could see his best friend’s heart break a little more each day. Not when he was questioning the nature of his own relationship every time he saw them together.

Bucky should not have been happy to hear that his friend had broken up with his girl to move to away for a fresh start…he shouldn’t have been so relieved, especially knowing that the woman he loved was probably a broken-hearted mess after the man she loved told her he didn’t want to continue their relationship.

He could tell it hurt Steve to talk about, he loved her more than anything…at least that’s what Bucky had thought. He couldn’t even imagine leaving her behind if he was in Steve’s shoes. There wasn’t a thing he wouldn’t do in order to convince her to join him if he ever left. Steve had always looked so happy with her, Bucky couldn’t help but wonder what on earth was more important to him than his girl.

It didn’t matter, what did matter was the fact that for whatever strange reason, their relationship was over.

And as any true friend would, Bucky had gone straight to her apartment after a debriefing to see if she was okay. He knew she wasn’t, but after calling all of her closest friends (who didn’t seem too happy with him simply because of his association with Steve) and finding out that she hadn’t answered any of them, Bucky was worried. So he took the spare key she’d given him, in case of emergency, and made his way over.

He wasn’t surprised that she hadn’t answered the door, and for a moment he even hesitated. What if she screamed at him for letting himself in when she so obviously wanted to be alone? Despite his worries, he knew that his concern for her outweighed them, so he let himself in and approached the closed bedroom door.

His light knock was ignored and he eased the door open gently, just in case she was asleep. She wasn’t asleep, he could tell by the periodic sniffles coming from her curled up form.

“Y/N?”

She remained unresponsive, but that didn’t deter him. At least she wasn’t yelling, that was something positive at least. His mind told him not to do it, but he moved forward anyway, laying down behind her. Hesitantly, he reached out to gently pull her elbow back. Despite tensing at first, she let him turn her around, puffy eyes avoiding his gaze as she was finally revealed to him.

She knew she must have looked terrible. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, her face was damp, and her nose was sore from all of the constant wiping. It broke his heart to see her in such a state, and when she finally met his sympathetic gaze her face crumpled once more. Bucky was quick to pull her into his arms, stroking her head with one hand, while the other rubbed soothing circles into her back.

For a few minutes they stayed that way, with Bucky telling her she would be okay, and that he was sorry (despite not having anything to be sorry for). He was glad to finally see the tears stop falling for a moment.

“Did you know?” Her voice was thick and hoarse, and it hurt him to hear her so dejected.

“No. I would have told you…I think that’s why he didn’t tell me.” Her face burrowed further into the crook of his neck.

“I just don’t understand.”

She sniffled loudly and he tightened his grip around her.

“Neither do I…”

And he really didn’t. Who in their right mind would have left a girl like her?

Not Bucky, that was for sure.

Despite those long nights where she would lay on her couch watching crappy shows and wallowing in self pity, life went on. She wouldn’t lie and say that she was over her ex. Steve was the one she thought she’d be with forever. They had spoken of a future together, marriage, kids, all of it. So what had changed?

She still didn’t know. Perhaps that’s why she could never completely get him off of her mind. It was the fact that she didn’t have that closure, the fact that she had no idea why he had broken up with her. Did it really matter? Not really. She shouldn’t have been wasting her time thinking about it. It was done, and no matter how much she questioned the reasoning behind it, it wouldn’t change a thing. Steve would still be gone, and she would still be single.

But she wasn’t alone, and that was the main thing. Her friends had really been the support she needed, and Bucky in particular had done everything to help her through it all. The girls had been wary of him at first, knowing that he was Steve’s friend, but they had accepted him quickly when they seemed to pick up on certain feelings that she herself had missed. Yes, they all knew. They could see it in the way he did anything and everything for her…the man was in love.

But she didn’t know that just yet, and they hoped that once all of the Steve business was behind her, she’d settle down with someone like Bucky, who’d treat her right.

For now, they were just friends. But time kept flying by and he was unknowingly pushing those boundaries and blurring any lines that may have been between them, more and more often…

Like right now.

“Hey, do you have a spare shirt I could borrow? I dropped spaghetti on mine.”

She looked up from her phone and froze. If he noticed her wide eyes rake up and down his bare torso, he made no mention of it. But she was certain that he was too busy scowling at the stained shirt to realise that she had, for the first time in their friendship, unashamedly checked him out. It was weird. Was it weird? He was a good looking guy, everyone knew that! Why would it be weird? It would only be weird if she made it weird.

It’s not weird. It’s not. Oh my god, stop staring at him!

“-Y/N? Y/N!”

She finally tore her eyes away and cleared her throat quietly, finding it oddly dry. He looked more concerned when she met his gaze than anything else.

“Huh?”

“Are you okay?” Bucky frowned at her odd behaviour, resting a hand on her shoulder as he moved to sit beside her on the couch. She inhaled sharply at the proximity and shot up from the couch so fast that he visibly flinched.

“Yes!” She answered quickly, wincing at how unnecessarily loud her voice was. “I’m- I’m good. Great even.” She forced a strained laugh.

“Shirt, right? Yes. Okay, I have- I’ll go get it. A shirt…for you.” Good lord.

It wasn’t like she had no idea that Bucky was attractive before. But now…wait a minute, did she find him attractive now? He was her best friend! There was no way that was it, he had never been attractive to her. She had never been attracted to him in that way, it wasn’t something you thought of your best friend, and definitely not when that best friend was also best buddies with your ex.

She pushed the thoughts out of her mind with an irritated sigh as she riffled through her wardrobe.

Bucky didn’t know what to think of the strange display he’d just witnessed. She wasn’t down very often anymore, sometimes he could tell if it crossed her mind, but she wasn’t sad. She was just…well, weird. All he had done was ask for a shirt, but it seemed to bother her. Oh, what if she only had Steve’s old clothes left over and he had unintentionally reminded her of it all?

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

He cursed under his breath at the thought. Despite a few bumps in the road, she was on her way to getting over Steve. It was slow, and he knew she still missed the companionship, but she was happier in recent weeks. Her old relationship was no longer the priority in her mind, and Bucky hoped that it soon wouldn’t bring her any pain at all. He was aware that her friends wanted the same for her, but while they wanted him to take Steve’s place, Bucky knew that it was impossible.

She would never see him that way.

At first he’d felt guilty for considering confessing his feelings to her, but knowing that Steve was moving on with Sharon had alleviated some of that tension. In fact, Steve would always ask how she was holding up whenever he called. There was no curiosity or jealousy at the thought of her moving on, only concern for her wellbeing. Steve was a good guy, the best even, and he’d said it himself…if he could move on, then so could she. He’d only be happy so long as she was happy.

“Here you go.” She smiled as she held out a familiar shirt, and he shot her a small smirk in return.

“You have my shirt?” He cocked a dark brow, a warm feeling settling in his chest at the thought of her wearing it. It was an older one and obviously well-worn, but he hadn’t even realised that it had gone missing. Was this her only one? Did she sleep in it? Okay, that last one was wishful thinking, he seriously doubted that Steve would have ever been happy to see his girl sleeping in another man’s shirt, no matter how close they were.

“Of course, you’re my best friend, I had to steal one of them.” She grinned brightly, missing the way his own smile weakened at the label. She didn’t mention that it was her favourite item of clothing though. But she did suddenly question why it was her favourite. It wasn’t the most comfortable, it wasn’t even the most practical…but it was his.

She was almost uneasy at the thought, something that felt an awful lot like guilt settling in her stomach. Steve had never cared when she wore Bucky’s shirt before, it hadn’t meant anything and he knew it, but now…now she was questioning if it did mean something. It was easy to say ‘no’, to tell herself that she was being silly and that she had latched onto the closest male after her break-up. But she wasn’t entirely sure that was the case.

But there was only one way to make sure she wasn’t:

a) Using her best friend as a potential rebound

b) Losing her damn mind

and…

c) Genuinely attracted to Bucky

“So, what did you need?” Bucky asked from the couch as she raided her wardrobe in the next room over.

She didn’t answer, but stepped in front of the TV screen to steal his attention before he could repeat his question.

“I need your advice. Peach or red?” She asked, holding up a dress in each hand. Bucky assessed each with a quick scan. In his eyes she could wear a garbage bag and still look beautiful.

“Hm, the peach one. What’s this for?” His brows furrowed, that cute little crease in between them that she- oh boy.

That was what this was for. She needed to get her damn mind off of Bucky, and he needed to get his mind off of her. Especially considering how comfortable they had become recently. Ever since -what she called- the ‘Shirt Revelation’, a month ago, she’d told herself that she would be careful around Bucky. But that seemed to go out the window every time he came over. Which was always.

He would stay over often, and more than once they had awkwardly woken up snuggling on the couch. It had done nothing to calm her thoughts about him, and it worried her that maybe her clinginess was rubbing off on him. She was certain that there had never been romantic feelings on his end before, but now it was becoming a little obvious that that may have no longer been the case.

Was she doing this to him? Was she making him think he had feelings for her because she had become so attached to him?

She concluded that yes, she was. And as a result, she decided to do them both a favour and give herself the rebound she was certain she needed, while simultaneously giving him the space he needed to shake whatever she’d done to him out of his system.

She knew Bucky better than anyone, and he knew her just as well. She would never ruin what they had because of some stupid feelings that she shouldn’t have had. What would Steve think of this? She hadn’t even considered that. God, she was surprised Bucky even gave her the time of day. What kind of person jumped onto her ex’s best friend?

“Oh, um…I have a date tonight.”

Bucky froze completely, his chest seizing as her words sunk in.

“A…date?” She heard the strain in his voice, and realised that he wasn’t the only one who didn’t like the sound of it.

“Yeah.” She had whispered it so quietly that he could barely hear the sadness lacing the single word. It was for his own good, she reminded herself. But that little voice at the back of her head still couldn’t help but ask ‘why?’.

“Oh. With who?” Bucky tried his hardest to sound nonchalant, but he knew it wasn’t working as well as he would have hoped.

He had been under the impression that they were slowly moving forward in their relationship, and he had never been happier in his life than in those moment where he could see his feelings reflected in her own eyes. Steve knew, he’d apparently known for a long time, but Bucky couldn’t keep it from him any longer. It wouldn’t be fair and he deserved to know in case things did go any further. Much to Bucky’s surprise, his string of apologies was met with a chuckle, and approval he had not anticipated.

But the idea of her feeling even remotely the same way…it was too good to be true. And apparently it wasn’t true.

“Just some guy from work.”

Lucas was actually a sweetheart, and he had made his interest known when he joined her company recently. At first she’d told him she needed some time to think about it, and knowing about her recent break-up, he had been more than happy to give her the time she needed. It was only once her feelings for Steve seemed like yesterday’s problem, that she decided to take Lucas up on his offer of dinner. She loved Bucky, but only as a friend. She couldn’t let it get further than that.

“Is he…nice?”

“Yeah, I mean, he seems sweet.” She bobbed her head awkwardly.

“Good. That’s…that’s really good. I’m sure he’s a good guy.”

Yeah, but he’s not you…

Bucky swallowed dryly, forcing the words out somehow. He hated this whole situation, but he’d kept his silence for years where his feelings for her were involved, and now that he was certain she knew about them, it seemed like this was her response. She wasn’t interested.

“Yeah, I think so too.” Her words were just as forced.

“When will you be back?”

“I’m not sure.”

His heart stopped as dread settled in his stomach.

“You- you are coming back, right?”

“Yes, of course!” Her eyes widened when she realised why he was asking.

Bucky nodded, only slightly relieved by her words. If he had it his way, she wouldn’t be going anywhere at all.

“Right…well, I’ll be here if you need me.”

Dinner with Lucas was perfect.

He was a complete gentleman. Honest, funny, charming and easy on the eyes…she really couldn’t have asked for much more in a potential partner.

So why was her mind on another man? She was distracted, even Lucas had noticed it, if the assessing look on his face was anything to go by. She couldn’t help it, how was she supposed to focus when the heartbroken look on Bucky’s face was burned into her mind as soon as she stepped out of her door?

“You don’t really want to be here, do you?” Despite his blunt words, Lucas smiled in amusement.

“What? No, of course I do! You’re a great guy-“ she argued, only to be cut off by a soft chuckle.

“But not the one on your mind right now.” Lucas shot her a knowing smile and her face dropped at the truth in his words.

“I-I…” She sighed. How could she respond to that? They both knew anything but an affirmative response was a lie, but Lucas didn’t deserve a flaky date.

“Listen, Y/N…I knew from the moment I met you that there was someone else, I just figured that you were trying to move past it. But maybe I was wrong about that…”

“Yeah. Look, I’m really sorry about this.” She rubbed at her temples anxiously, but he just gave her a forgiving smile.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I uh, I know what it’s like.” Lucas waved away her concerns. “But I mean…why are you here with me, if you want to be with someone else?”

“Honestly?” He nodded once, curious to hear her answer. “I’m scared.”

“Of what?” Lucas frowned.

“He’s kinda…my ex’s best friend.” She decided that it sounded so much worse out loud. She couldn’t imagine what Lucas thought of her now. Wasn’t it against bro-code to date a friend’s ex?

“Oh.” He winced at the thought.

“Yeah, oh.” She forced a chuckle.

“Is your ex the type to hold a grudge?”

She almost snorted. Steve was more likely to congratulate her than ever hold a grudge, but that didn’t stop her from feeling guilty. Because what if he actually did care? It wasn’t a good idea to think of the ‘what ifs’ but she still cared about Steve, despite the way it had all ended. She wasn’t in love with him anymore, but he’d always hold a place in her heart, and she didn’t want to hurt him by dating his best friend.

“Not really, no. He doesn’t even live in the city anymore.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Lucas shrugged as if it were the easiest choice in the world. It was for him. If he left his girl and she decided to move on with someone else, he had no say in the matter. Even if it was his friend. Who was he to stand in the way of two people who loved each other?

She stared at him for a long moment, and he shot her an encouraging smile.

“Well, go on! Let me know how it goes on Monday.”

“You’re the best, Lucas…really, you’re amazing.” She stated earnestly.

He shrugged half-heartedly, and she was quick to press a kiss to his cheek before finally heading to where she was always supposed to be.

“Y/N?”

Bucky frowned in confusion when he heard the front door swing open. It had only been 40 minutes. There was no way she could have already been home.

“Hey…” She replied in a breathy tone, eyes locked on him as if she were seeing something she had never seen before.

“I thought you were on your date.” He looked confused, but there was a hint of relief on his face.

“Yeah, it didn’t really work out.” She smiled sheepishly, but his face hardened.

“Did he try something?”

“Wha- Oh! No! He was great. Fine. Perfect really, he didn’t do anything.” She reassured him.

Bucky knew it was a tinge of jealousy that he felt. Great, fine, perfect…he probably would have felt better if the guy had done at least something wrong, but he was quick to mentally scold himself for thinking such a thing. He’d kill anyone who tried to hurt her in any way.

“Then- then why are you here. If he’s perfect.” He chewed his bottom lip, a strange feeling of anticipation filling him. This was it, there was no other explanation for it. Just seeing the look in her eyes was proof enough.

“You know why. Because…he’s not perfect for me.” She sighed, deciding to ignore his jealousy and just go for it. No more beating around the bush. “Bucky, I-“

“I’ve been in love with you since the moment I met you.” He blurted out. He looked so calm that she thought he must have really not cared anymore. He didn’t care if she knew, he just had to get it out, and in that moment she realised that she didn’t care either.

“I can’t stop thinking about you and I’m scared because the last person I cared about this much left me and I still don’t know why.”

Bucky could feel his heart racing, and for a moment he thought he’d been daydreaming again. But no, she was there and this was happening. He knew it was real the moment she took his hands into her own and their gazes met.

“Buck, I loved Steve. He was a great partner at the time, but that’s all he was. You are my best friend, and if I lose you, I don’t just lose another man I love. I lose everything.”

He removed his hands from her own, cupping her face and gently tilting her head up to look at him. There was so much warmth and love in the smile he sent her that she didn’t deny his words for a second.

“I promise you, doll…you will never lose me.”

She was crying again.

He tried his hardest to make her happy, holding her close and pressing a loving kiss to her head, telling her that everything would be okay…

Nothing seemed to work and he just didn’t know why. Maybe he wasn’t the best person to be in this position, maybe he had underestimated just how hard it would be.

But god was it worth it.

Parenthood was not for everyone, but having his 4 month old daughter in his arms even if she was wailing at 3 in the morning, was a blessing. Y/N was preparing a bottle, leaving Bucky to try and calm their daughter, something he had never been too good at. When she was happy, their little girl would squeal joyfully at the very sight of him, especially when he finally got home after a mission. There was no doubt that she was her father’s daughter. But when she was upset, it was only her mother who could calm her.

Which was exactly why Bucky sighed in relief as soon as his fiancé walked through the door. As if sensing her mother’s presence, his daughter’s cries died down to small whimpers and she held her small arms out as soon as she noticed Y/N’s smiling face.

Bucky smiled softly as he handed their daughter over, knowing he never really could look away from Y/N when she entered a room, especially when she held their little girl so tenderly. He was so in love with her, so in love with their little family, that he still couldn’t believe it had all worked out like this.

Nothing in the world was more important to him than his girls.

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes x reader #Steve Rogers #steve rogers x reader #marvel #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x reader #bucky barnes imagine

417 notes · View notes

dolansmith · 5 years

Text

Thoughts on the “Trisha Drama”

I’m going to preface this with my previous thoughts of both sides. I didn’t know who Trisha was until after I found out about the vlog squad about a year ago. I didn’t mind her, i thought she brought out an interesting perspective to the group. Then I thought she was literally off her rocker.

I loved the vlog squad bc I found them in a really difficult time in my life and they kept me from getting too deep into a depression. While I saw some of their mistakes, I saw the best in them all and hoped for change or at least some kind of accountability.

This is gonna be really long and idk if anyone is even gonna read this/care lol but Im just so frustrated with a lot of the people that are into the vs. Like after really looking into everything that happened, I felt kind of ashamed to be backing the vs bc they’re doing some fucked up stuff tbh.

So lets do a basic rundown of mistakes made.

Mistakes in their public relationship: -Trisha: made sexual jokes about jason’s friends, started arguments about her insecurities instead of starting a conversation. -Jason: made sexual jokes about girl’s a decade younger than trisha (and 2 and a half decades younger than him), would complain about having to go do things trisha liked doing and would pout the whole time (i.e. disneyland and a couple of the hamilton viewings), would egg on trishas insecurities, literally dumped her on a daily basis and call her crazy when she voiced said insecurities and then would basically get back together within an hour and practically give everyone whiplash, also talked about her weight and eating habits CONSTANTLY (fucking dick) -David: inputted himself in their relationship, recorded their fights and encouraged their toxic behavior to both his friends and his audience

Mistakes in the “official” breakup: -Trisha: talking about jason’s ex and kids, comparing david to ted bundy (a lil wild but tbh not that big of a deal bc no one actually believed thats what she meant but anyway), the brandon thing (we’ll come back to this) -Jason: continuing to make jokes about fucking a 19/20 year old despite his gf saying she didn’t like it, not putting an end to David “pressuring him” to making said jokes, the brandon thing -David: ignoring his “friend” when she said not to put something in his vlog, putting his image and career first

Mistakes after: -Trisha: constantly going on rants about david and Jason. -Jason: staying in contact with trisha secretly. (ill get back to this too) -David: putting his image above all else.

Now we’re going to get into some uncomfortable hot takes. I’m gonna get a whole lotta hate from stans but tbh idc anymore

The Brandon Thing (I’ve done some digging since her video exploding at Jeff):

-Brandon began a relationship with a high schooler. She was underage the first time they had sex. There’s receipts and timelines set up. I’d recommend Petty Paige’s Youtube video on it for specifics. -Lot’s of vs fans say she only brought it up when her and Jason ended so that meant she didn’t really care, but I’d like to point out that she has stated (on more than one occasion) that she voiced her thoughts on this multiple times to the group in Private and no one cared. Y’all are always going on about how she should say whatever she has to say in private but when she does and is ignored, what then? Just a thought. -Let’s also bring the rest of the vs up in this. How come none of them ever said anything? They’re the ones still out here tolerating him. Pretty hypocritical. I’m not gonna aim anything at the girls bc none of them have Brandon in their videos but the guys? Jeff, Jason, David, Todd and I think Scott too, have all had Brandon in at least one video. They’re out here talking shit about Trisha amongst each other but are friends with a predator? Lmao Okay, cool.

Jason Keeping in Contact for months:

-This was dumb. -As someone who has suffered from mental health issues and has been in a mental hospital and suffered from attachment AND abandonment issues, Trisha would’ve been better off had Jason ended things and kept them that way. Instead, he ended their public relationship and friendship. He kept her a secret from even his “friends” and then dragged on their “friendship” for months. For what? He should’ve just given her her things and closure and kept it pushing. -On that, why did he keep her belongings for so long and refuse to give it back until she said something public about it? He ignored her calls and texts about her very expensive things for weeks. Then she made a video calling him out on it, and she got her stuff back. -I’m seeing a pattern here, aren’t you?

The Jeff Thing (did some digging on him too...by digging i mean google):

-This one makes my blood boil for several reasons. ESPECIALLY AFTER TODAYS VIDEO. It rlly put everything into perspective omg. -The starbucks story that Trisha told was the same everywhere: ‘I saw Jeff at Starbucks and said hey. He ignored me and was such a pussy he left his order at the counter after having paid.’ His masculinity is SO FRAGILE that he twisted it into ‘I’m not gonna be fake with someone who fucked over my friend. Can’t fuck them up either tho lol’ and ‘i’m not gonna make shit easy on you, i’m gonna make them feel weird’. What a baby lmfao -His assault joke rubbed me the wrong way. I know Jeff’s schtick is the whole “I was in jail for a few months and I was a drug dealer I’m big and scary” blah blah blah. Listen, I’ve met men that have been in jail longer (he was in for only 4 months he once said I think) and had worse upbringings than he did and HAD to do some of the shit Jeff was doing (which lemme remind yall, was on his own accord). The men that I know that have lived similar and worse lifestyles than Jeff, would never and I REPEAT NEVER, make a joke about assaulting a Woman over “fucking my friend over”, when the situation was what it was. Which was: an exposé, basically. That’s some petty shit, it’s for the birds. (Also, Todd and Jay’s jokes about the assault joke? Ain’t it. They were just as bad as Jeff’s original joke.) -Do y’all know what Jeff’s been to jail for? He tried to assault someone that worked at a 7-Eleven after he and his dumbass friends were fucking around in the store and got yelled at and ended up assaulting a woman walking by. -He also talked about her mental health issues. Maybe he wasn’t talking about her specifically, but it was REAL specific. He said that it was crazy that a “psychopath” that’s been in a mental hospital still had a platform on youtube. That they shouldn’t have one. Trisha made a really good point of, “some could say the same about your time in jail.” Because they could. And mental health can be managed. So can your outrageous anger issues, Jeff. This was really ignorant on his part. -I also want to remind everyone about the time he said he didn’t understand how men could be sexually harassed. That all you had to do was say no. -He says he likes to “make things awkward” and make everything a joke when really he’s just being ignorant and doesn’t want to get real hate when he gets inevitably called out

Trisha’s “Dirt”:

-Trisha doesn’t know anything that the rest of us don’t. We’re just all IGNORING it. Why? Bc David’s charming and Todd and Jeff are pretty? Ridiculous. This is the last vlog squad post i’m going to make because I’m done. So the following is going to be a rundown on the “dirt” on them that made me come to the decision that I wouldn’t be supporting them anymore. I’ll also put my own thoughts and comments underneath in case y’all are curious. Staying silent about these situations is the same as complacency. -Brandon Calvillo: Covered this but to reiterate, he dated a high schooler and slept with her/dated her knowing her age. He then lied about it in a video to cover his tracks. *I am well aware that she was months from being 18. This doesn’t make it okay. What does a 26 year old have in common with a 17 year old? And just because this is the first girl we know about, doesn’t mean she’s the first at all or even the last. -Durte Dom: He was accused of assault at vidcon. *This hasn’t been confirmed. But it also hasn’t even been discussed. This girl is getting hate from vs stans and the vs have stayed silent. I can understand not wanting to show attention to people who make accusations for clout, but assault is serious and should at the Very Least be acknowledged privately or legally bc it could be considered slander. Don’t let your fans (or your friend’s fans) do your dirty work. -Jeff Wittek: He has major anger issues. Makes jokes about assaulting women after actually having assaulted one in the past (accidentally but doesnt take away from what he did) and has made jokes about sexual harassment against men not being viable *tbh he has a “pretty white boy complex”. Meaning he knows that he can say and do what he wants and most people will let it slide bc he’s a pretty white boy. No education needed. -Jason Nash: Is friend’s with a predator, is quite possibly setting an awful example to his kids, namely his daughter. *Listen. I’m a feminist, a woman should be able to decide what to do with her body after she turns 18. But being groomed and hit on by grown ass men when you’re barely legal, ain’t it. If you want to and feel ready, there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it BUT 9.9 times out of 10, that fucks a woman up in the future. One day, she is going to see her dad hitting on a 19/20 year old Tana and see that her dad’s 26 year old best friend dated a 17/18 year old and lied about specifics and might think that’s normal and how men should treat her. I won’t support that shit.

And as for all the other member’s of the vs, they either don’t care enough about what their friends or friends’ friends are doing, or they’re not bothering to even consider it’s happening and that isn’t cool either.

Be better.

As for Trisha, she’s had her own faults and fuckups, no doubt about it. I’m not a big fan of her content but i FELT for her. Her name has been dragged through the mud because of this more than anything else and it doesn’t sit right with me when her only real fuckup in THIS situation was bringing the ex and kids into it the way she did. Everything else either could have been avoided or she had a right to say to the public since they put everything about the relationship out in the open as much as she did. If Jason and David had reached out and admitted their own mistakes and asked her to stop talking about them online the way she was, she probably would’ve chilled out. What happened, what they and their fans (us) have done has been nothing short of traumatizing, no doubt. The way these 30 year old boys (Jeff, Todd, Scott and Jay) are reacting to her? They’re the real joke if we’re being honest.

Note: I’d also like to say that if you do still support them and have differing views than I do, I’ll respect you and your views no matter what. Everyones entitled to their opinion and thoughts. These are just mine.

#trisha paytas #vlog squad #jeff wittek #david dobrik #jason nash #durte dom #brandon calvillo #scott sire #most of these men are manipulative af #as much as i love zane matt and heath #they dont speak up either #neither do any of the women which is borderline heartbreaking #rant #I did my best to make everything clear but if theres any confusions or questions or if you just wanna have a discussion about it lmk #Discontinuing Speak Now.

25 notes · View notes

nitewrighter · 5 years

Note

my gf of 9 months just broke up w me spare some spiderbyte to convince me that love is real

I’m so sorry, friend. It’s going to be okay.

Here’s a spooky rapunzel-ish AU inspired by a short I saw a while back.

----

Once upon a time there was a demon hunter. A shrewd and quick-witted woman, no quarry was too big, too swift, or too dangerous for her to track and kill... so long as those hiring her could meet her price. Hers was a life balanced between the dark thrill of the hunt, and the creature comforts her high-stakes occupation afforded her.

One night, she was enjoying the latter half of this balance in a tavern when a man approached her table. The demon hunter’s glowing yellow eyes flicked up from the foam of her beer to the man standing before her. Humbly, he set a skein of silken violet hair on the table before her. The huntress picked up the sheaf of midnight-colored hair and felt the weight of it streaming through her fingers.

“Care telling me why you just dumped hair on my table?” asked the demon hunter, tilting her head.

“There is a creature in a tower,” said the man, “We need you to kill it.”

“I am needed to kill many things,” said the demon hunter, leaning back in her seat and sipping her beer.

The man sighed and tossed a sack of gold on the table with a clinking thud.

The demon hunter brought her pint down from her lips and smiled, “I see we understand each other,” she said with a grin.

It was a few days ride to the town, which sat in the shadow of a great tower--too high and too lonely to have ever been a part of a castle, it loomed over the land, a hideous crumbling column of dark bricks veined with the same violet of the skein of hair the demon huntress now carried at her hip. The tower was so high, in fact, that the demon huntress misjudged its distance from the town, since internally her mind kept repeating, “But surely it can’t be that tall.” But it was. It was that tall. It was nearly sunset by the time she reached it. The demon huntresses’ horse spooked once they were at the base of it, and she tethered it to a dead tree. The demon hunter examined the midnight-colored strands veining the tower, some wafting off of it, in the gathering twilight. There was a moat dug around the tower, and looking down into it, the demon hunter saw that bones and corpses in varying states of decay filled the water. It wasn’t even clear how much of the moat was water, as the Demon hunter saw that just beneath the surface, that same midnight hair choked the bodies and skeletons densely just beneath the water’s surface, like a purple seagrass. She circled the tower and the moat and found there was no drawbridge.

“Hmmm,” the demon hunter put her hands on her hips and thought for a few minutes, then took the grappling hook and rope off of her hip and aimed for an outcropping of brick a short ways up. The grappling hook found its cranny, she secured her rope around her waist, and she swung across the moat, letting go and coming to a running stop once she reached the other side. She gave her grappling hook a tug, shrugged, and began scaling the side of the tower until she reached the first point where her grappling hook had made its claim. She hooked it up to a higher precipice and continued climbing until she reached that first vein of hair spiraling around it. Unthinkingly she reached her hand out toward it. Her gloved fingers had only barely brushed up against the hair when out of the corner of her eye she could see something falling from above. She hadn’t even managed to look up when she felt something silken loop beneath her chin and get pulled taut in a heartbeat. A noose. A noose of hair.

The demon hunter managed to claw one hand between the silken noose and her own chin when the wall she was gripping fell away from her. The world now spinning dizzily beneath her, she was hoisted up and up like a fish on a line, trying desperately not to be strangled. Her hand that had previously been gripping the wall seized the dagger at her side and she slashed blindly upward. With a soft ‘shhhf’ the demon hunter suddenly found herself tumbling down. How high and how fast had she been hoisted up? She didn’t have time to think about it as she took a grip on the rope still wrapped around her hip and felt it burn and rub against her gloves, stripping at the leather in seconds as she slowed her own descent with her grip until she bounced painfully on the end of her own rope and slammed painfully against the brick of the building, her side taking most of the blow.

Her hands burning from the rope, she looked up at the strands now wafting off of the tower overhead. Her heart was thumping hard in her chest. The creature was above, she knew that much. The creature had killed many who came before the demon hunter, that was obvious. She was well within this creature’s domain, and this creature was able to outmaneuver her here more than any monster she had hunted before. But then again, the demon hunter reasoned, the man who hired her said that the creature was ‘in a tower’ not ‘rampaging through our town and the tower just so happens to be its base of operations.’ Figuring attempting to scale the tower on her own would just end up with another noose around her neck (or worse this time).

“Keeper of the Tower!” she called up, “You know I’m here! I wish to speak with you! Would you grant me audience?”

A few beats of silence passed. The demon hunter considered touching the vein of hair against the tower again to get its attention, but thought better on it. Then a massive cascade of midnight hair tumbled down from above, and the demon hunter had to clamber off to the side on the bricks of the wall just to keep from either being knocked off or drowned in hair. Again, another long gap of silence passed. A ripple went through the cascade of hair, apparently being shaken insistently from whatever had lowered it from the top of the tower, and the demon hunter reached over and grabbed one handful of hair. She waited another beat. Nothing happened. No other attacks. The demon hunter unhooked her grappling hook from its crag and hooked it back at her belt before reaching over and taking another bunch of hair in her hand.

“All right then,” she said, as she started scaling up the tower in a river of purple hair.

It was a grueling climb, hours long and exhausting. Hunger, thirst, and exhaustion wracked her body, but she feared pausing too long might allow whatever dwelled above to either noose her again or simply cut the hair she was climbing altogether. She wasn’t sure if whatever lived in the tower was willing to cut its own hair (by the looks of the hair everywhere, probably not) but she wasn’t taking any chances. By the time the demon hunter reached the great veranda at the top of the tower, the air was thin and freezing cold and the moon seemed so close she might pluck it out of the sky like an apple on a low-hanging branch. She stumbled over the parapet and collapsed to her knees, panting on the cold stone of the tower. She lifted her head and saw only grand glass doors in front of her, leading into darkness with thick rivers of hair flowing out of the black, across the stone floor, and spilling over the parapets.

“So much for the welcome party,” muttered the demon hunter, getting to her feet. Suddenly she felt something tug at her ankle and looked down to see a chord of hair looped around it.

“Shit--” the demon hunter drew her dagger from her belt but her feet were yanked out from underneath her and she was dragged rapidly across the stone and into the darkness. Sliding across the stone floor, she tried to bring her knife to the hair wrapped around her ankle, but she heard a distant whipping sound and her arm stopped short before she could reach it. Another yank and her wrist bent backward painfully, forcing the knife from her hand and sending it to the floor with a clatter. She saw it glint in the moonlight behind her as she continued zipping across the floor, flailing to try and get a grip on the tiles with her remaining free hand, but to no avail as she was dragged out under a moonlit skylight in a large chamber at the center of the tower.

All at once the demon hunter was hoisted up by that same ankle and was now suspended upside-down. She flailed to try and grab at her own ankle, to try and tear the hair loose, but found more hair lassoing around her body--at her waist, around her thighs, every new point of freedom she tried to wiggle toward was met with a lariat of hair until she found herself suspended in the air by numerous strands of hair at her waist, chest, arms, and legs. Her arms were bound together at the elbows and forced over her head, which was quite painful considering how long she had been climbing, but the rest of her was... oddly comfortable. Or at least it would have been comfortable without the panic of being bound and suspended by hair with no sign of her captor in sight. Whatever creature dwelled in this tower still hadn’t gagged her with hair, so the demon hunter yelled out, “This is how you would treat your guest!?”

A voice answered back from the darkness, “This is how you would treat your host?”

The demon hunter’s dagger clattered to the floor beneath her, so close, and yet so far. Her crossbow--apparently yanked from her back in the confusion, was lowered from a high point on the ceiling in a chord of hair.

Yellow eyes opened in the darkness and a woman stepped into the moonlight. Her skin was periwinkle, she was naked save for the hair she had wrapped around her torso and upper legs in some semblance of a bodice and smallclothes. She didn’t seem to react to the coldness of the room, nor did she seem short of breath this high up. The woman bent and picked up the dagger from the ground, then held it under the demon hunter’s chin.

“You have come to kill me,” said the woman, looking at her coldly.

“People pay me to get rid of monsters,” said the demon hunter, “That doesn’t always mean killing them. But I do have to take steps to protect myself.”

“Yes,” the woman spun the dagger in her hand in a bored manner, “You seem so very protected, now.”

“Look,” said the demon hunter, “I was just hired because you’ve killed a lot of people.”

“Trespassers,” said the woman, “Men have a bad habit of going places they have no right to go. When you stick your hand in a fire, is the fire a monster for burning you?”

The demon hunter opened her mouth, paused, then slumped a bit where she was hanging. “Okay, fair point. I mean, granted if I was one of the townspeople living with a big spooky tower of death looming over me, I would like it to no longer be a tower of death, but it’s not exactly fair to try and evict you for something like that.”

The woman tilted her head and arched an eyebrow. “You are... oddly understanding for one who has taken up a life of killing that which man does not understand.”

The demon hunter shrugged. “Dogs protect wolves from sheep, but all dogs have a bit of wolf in them. It’s nature,” she looked up at the woman with her own yellow eyes, “I take it you didn’t make yourself a problem for the locals until recently.”

“The more I kill, the longer my hair grows,” said the woman, “When I do not kill, I go to sleep. I was awakened...” she counted on her fingers, “Four months ago. Two brigands were hiding out in these ruins and one slit the other’s throat. His blood soaked into my hair and I woke up.”

“So you’re... bound to this tower?” the demon hunter ventured.

“It is where I live. It is where I hunt,” said the woman, “No curse binds me here but convenience.”

“...Because your hair is everywhere,” said the demon hunter, looking around.

The woman smiled.

“So,” the hunter said, “Let me get this straight--you kill a man, your hair gets longer, it gets easier to kill a man. Eventually you kill so many that no one comes to this tower and you go to sleep.”

“Yes,” said the woman.

“How can you stand that?” said the hunter.

“Stand it?” said the woman.

“When was the last time you felt the thrill of the hunt?” asked the hunter, “If the hunt only gets easier the more you do it... what’s the point?”

The woman narrowed her eyes at the hunter. “This is a trick,” she said.

“Well I like hunting because it takes me to interesting places,” said the hunter, swinging a little from where she hung, “It’s absolutely fair if you have a comfort zone! How about this: You let me go, I give back half of what I was paid to the people who hired me, tell them that they’re perfectly safe so long as they stay away from your tower, and you take a nice little nap! That’s fine, right?”

The woman’s lips thinned and her yellow eyes narrowed.

“But you still want to hunt,” the hunter said, a smile in her voice.

“Quiet,” said the woman, “I’m thinking.”

“Stone doesn’t burn...” said the hunter, looking around, “But hair does.”

“Is that a threat?” said the woman, looking at her sharply.

“Not at all! But if people had to choose between burning the tower down or letting the odd idiot get himself killed running into it...”

The woman frowned. She paced around, leaving the hunter feeling pretty awkward tied up and suspended there.

“You were hired so that I would no longer be a problem, yes?” said the woman, turning to the hunter.

“Yes,” said the hunter.

“You hunt,” said the woman.

“Much more interesting prey than you’re pulling in,” said the hunter with a grin.

“I would say I’ve pulled in very interesting prey,” said the woman, stepping toward the hunter and cupping her chin in her hand.

“Oh--well--that’s...” the hunter chuckled nervously, “Well your prey is very much willing to let bygones be bygones. I did say I only wanted an audience, and that my weapons were only for self defense. And that I would only kill you if I had to.”

“Mm,” the woman brushed her hair back, “So,” she said, “Beyond my tower I may kill, I may not have to suffer my tower being torn down and burned, and you would be by my side?”

“Wouldn’t be the first time a demon hunter joined forces with a being of the night,” said the hunter, attempting to shrug as best she could with her arms bound.

The woman narrowed her eyes and tucked a bit of hair away from the demon hunter’s face.

“Only if you prove interesting,” she said.

----

In the months following the demon hunter’s contract, the demon hunter would claim the creature in the tower was slain, but from then on was accompanied by a periwinkle-skinned woman whose hair dragged on the ground roughly 14 feet behind her--at least it was 14 feet last time they were seen. People claim it gets longer with every quarry.

#spiderbyte

30 notes · View notes

strawberryspeachy · 5 years

Text

I have so many time periods in my life that were fucking miserable (my whole life so lol) but most of them im like

Man. I wish i could go back with the knowledge i have now and change shit

But my senior year of college still takes the cake. I would not repeat that fucking year given the chance. I legit for real am npt exaggerating at all when i say I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I GRADUATED. What strength i had. How did i do it??

I lost all of my friends. I lived with girls who made me feel worse about myself. My classes were super difficult and busy. My mom had finally admitted to me that she knew she was forgetting things.

I BECAME bulimic. That wasnt something i did before that year. Bulimic to the point where if i ate more than one peice or bread i felt guilty. Sometimes i coild rationalize to myself that i ate a healthy and appropriate meal but after 20 minutes id start panicking. That i HAD TO go throw it up. I HAD TO. if i didnt id regret it so i hadddd toooo

I didnt eat some days

And it went beyond the point of. All i have is my skinny body. It went to i hate myself and my life and i deserve to suffer. I dont deserve food. If i keep doing this maybe my body will fuck up enough that i die.

And speaking of death. It was the first time i fully tried to kill myself. I played with the idea before. Id do risky things on the off chance that id die doing it. Sometimes risky enough that i was surprised i even did it and got really scared afterwards thinking about ever doing them again. But id never made a plan. Got materials. And tried and fell asleep thinking id really never wake up. And i did it a couple times. And honestly i think i killed a part of me that year.

I cried all the time. I was just a zombie with a painted smile on my face so i could get help in class from other people. But i never actually smiled. And the second i walked in my room id start crying. All that bottled up energy released. And there was too much.

I used to fall out of my chair cause i was crying so much and id just roll around on the floor and then yell at myself to get my ass back in the chair and to keep studying. And i did. And id keep crying. And i kept studying.

And i took adderal several times a week. It wasnt even working. But it had a crack effect on me and would make me really happy and optimistic for no reason

I dont remember ever feeling confident in my studys. I walked into every exam terrifyed.

I was scared the entire year that i was gonna fail.

I was so out of it that i didnt even notice the stress permanently altered my apperance. Eveyone said i grew up. No the stress aged me. I didnt notice my hair fell out or how my chin seemed to grow. Or how my skin greyed

Theres no way to make thay year better. That was an awful year.

I have no point in this.

Just like that year and the two following it... which... issss 2014-2015-2016 to 2017

Like id completed three years of college. I had to graduate. I couldnt get out of that with a clear mind. And then coming home. None of my friends lived at home. I couldnt find a job. I took what i could get. I couldnt leave home. I had to stay for my mom. I had to and i wanted to.

Im thinking about it cause i could have immediately came to japan out of college. And i knew it then. I chose not to. I wanted to go home and be with my mom. And my family made that a nightmare. And watching her and taking care of her while she went downhill... i dont think ill be able to face those feelings... for many years to come. (I mean hopefilly not if i died while writing this id be happy) but theres really no getting around the fact that having completed my finance degree in college. My only choice was to end up as a server

My 13 year old dog died. My 18 year old cat died. My mom was shitting all over the house and refusing to sleep or eat. The woman who i hated so much that i went to work early and smiled while offering to stay later because “at least im not at home” finally died.

One day she told me she was gonna kick me out of the house (for the zillionth time) she screamed and yelled at me. And i went to work. And i came home and she was standing outside of the front door. I thought about continuing to drive and coming back later when shed moved. But for whatever reason i stopped and got out still hoping shed be gone by the time i walked up. She wasnt. She didnt even notice i was there. I was tempted to walk past her and go in. But i didnt. I asked her what was wrong. She said she could take the step to the sidewalk. And i helped her. And she rambled to me about how she thought shed be stuck there all night and how she didnt know what was wrong. The last time i saw her she had been screaming at me about how im a worthless spoiled lazy rude mean old adult acting like a baby. So. I really didnt have much sympathy to give her. I couldnt even talk. I was still mad. She thanked me. I said she was welcome. Thats all i remember. That was about 3 months before she died. If i went back to that exact moment knowing that information. I honestly dont think id change anything... she was.... so mean... so needlessly mean... im still mad about every time i was mad at her

Unlike my mom. Who i dreamed about this week. I had a dream that i was home just living my regular life in high school. And i did something. And my mom was yelling at me. And we got into an argument. Just one of those nonsense arguments that dont mean much. And in my dream i was like ugh my moms so annoying. And i woke up. And i miss her so much. What i wouldnt do to listen to my mom yell at me about something like taking too long to get ready. Or putting something in the wrong place. Or forgetting to do some chore she asked me to do. My mom with her fully functioning brain yelling at me because ive inconvenienced some plan that she has made for hersef that day. Thats shes fully capable of doing herself. And will do no matter what anyone says cause you dont mess with her schedule - you work with it.

I actually woke up and smiled. When you grow up do you ever think youll think about your parent full blown going off on you about something kinda dumb would ever make you smile...

Anyhow... that boy at work i like. I tried to be cute. He said he texts his friends back when he wants to when i pestered him about having not responded to my mesage. I was like

Oh thats the second time youve called me your friend! :) were friends :D

I just wanted a chuckle and for him to say yea yea were friends

But instead.... he said no. Were coworkers.

And i said you can be friends with your coworkers

Which led to a super long.... turned into argument...

Where he told me no. He doesnt need more friends. He only talks to me because he has to. He doesnt like me. He doesnt want to talk to me. He doesnt like when he has to talk to me. He has plenty of time to hang out with friends but not me cause im not his friend and he does not want to hang out with me. Dont ask him questions. Dont talk to him for more than a minute. He only said yes to hanging out with me because i was new to the country. His girlfriend didnt want him to and he decided he didnt want to after thinking about it. He wont change his mind. And he got really mad while telling me that his dumbass gf gets mad when i text him. And that he doesnt wanna talk to me out of work and at work only about work nothing else.

Most of that was unprovoked information. Like.. a quarter of it came from my “so were friends?” Remark. Another quarter of it came from my “coworkers can become friends” remark. And given half of it.... i brought up that he liked talking to me enough that he said he wanted to hang out with me - so you fan guess what quarter of the information came from that... oh sorry did i say quarters. I guess i meant thirds.

Extra shitty cause its a big jump from the boy who was engaging in actual conversation with me yesterday and moved so close to me that he was cms away from resting his head on me shoulder. Many times. Actually over the past couple days.

1 note · View note

everlarkficexchange · 7 years

Text

What Goes Around

Title: What Goes Around

Written by: @wildlyglittering

Prompt 44: Peeta has a gf before entering college where she meets Katniss. K&P are both in the same major/dept. They break up and he and Katniss become really close and everybody thinks they’re a thing but part of Katniss thinks he’s not over his ex so he never asks her out even if they have chemistry and all. Something happens and the ex ends up transferring to the same major/dept and Katniss is extremely frustrated because she’s fallen for Peeta but the ex is trying to make sure Peeta never gets over her

Rating: T (to start with)

Notes: Because there is something clearly wrong with me I decided to take two prompts and turn them both into WIPs. So this is part 1/ part of part 1 that is now a WIP. I don’t know if I’m entirely happy with how this has turned out so far but thought I would give it a go!

“Well I don’t know. Have you tried under the stairs?” Her foot beat out a constant tap against the wood floor of the hallway as she eyed up the clock on the wall, the big hand steadily ticking its way to twelve. There was a reply from the receiver pressed to her ear but if she was honest she hadn’t heard a word. A minute into the conversation and Katniss had thrown out a series of locations in a panic, hoping to get her Mom off the line. She was, as it turned out, failing miserably.

The million-dollar question was why, with a few minutes until her class started, had she taken the call? Especially when she saw who it was calling. The only explanation was that guilt and a sense of daughterly responsibility had won out which had resulted in a ball of anxiety squirming in her gut for her efforts.

“Mom.” There was no sign of the other woman stopping but Katniss pressed on. “Mom. I have to go.” At those words her Mom’s voice took on a familiar wobbling tone but she knew if she stayed on the call any longer then she would be dealing with another of her mother’s episodes. “Mom, I’m going now. Bye. Bye.” She stressed the last goodbye with more finality before quickly ending the call before another word could be said.

“Jesus Christ.” With each syllable she gently hit the back of her head against the wall she was leaning on and took a moment to shut her eyes.

The desperation to leave home for college had built up over a long, hot summer and every moment she had been in that house, just her and her Mom, Katniss swore she was one minute nearer to committing a random act of violence. When the start of semester finally arrived, she threw everything she had into her old rucksack, chucked it in the car and drove off at full speed.

For about five blissful minutes she had been free.

Before she stupidly, stupidly, answered the phone she had been heading into Professor Abernathy’s Psych class and was now late. Three lectures in and she wasn’t too sure what she had learnt about Psychology so far but she had learnt that Abernathy was a mean, rude man. Due to the classes popularity and mismatched lecture hall size, being late meant you didn’t get a seat. The Professor held a ‘no seat, no stay’ policy, stating that those who wanted to attend his class would ‘damn well be on time.’ In previous lectures those who hadn’t quite made it and who had nervously twitched and hovered by the door were unceremoniously kicked out. One even had a pen thrown in their direction.

That morning Katniss got to watch, with increasing alarm, as fellow students filed in ahead of her. She took a moment to question whether she needed to attend the class at all, contemplating taking a non-attendance mark over public humiliation. The problem was Professor Abernathy also operated a rather strict ‘three strikes’ rule for no-shows and with circumstances the way they were she knew she couldn’t risk it. Those non-attendance marks needed to be bankable.

She groaned out loud to the quiet hallway. There was only one thing to do. “Fuck. My. Life,” she muttered and hoisted her bag over her shoulder. Public humiliation it was then. If she was quick she stood a chance at successfully ducking from whatever it was he decided to throw at her and if a miracle occurred then she might be able to sneak in unnoticed and discover an empty sear. Please, she begged, to no one, to the universe. You have everything else. Just give me this one thing.

Katniss pushed the door open and crept in, her stomach instantly stopping its fight to flee her body. The place where the grumpy, dark haired man usually stood at the front of the hall was…. empty. The miracle she had wanted had happened, she had somehow arrived before the professor. Thank you, she thought. Maybe pathetic pleading does work.

In the absence of an adult, a proper adult, the lecture hall was buzzing. Students sat chatting away to each other, leaning across rows to reach people they knew or were taking the time to scroll through their phones. Some students, the extremely pretty group of blonde girls that gravitated towards each other in lecture one, were even taking selfies. Katniss walked up the first steps past them, rolling her eyes. This is what people did when they found themselves at a loose end? She could be wrong but she was sure class was for learning, not for making friends.

Despite the win on a temporarily absent professor, she was faced with her second battle. Her eyes scanned the lecture hall for a seat and succeeded only in find a whole lot of nothing. Well shit. Maybe this was why people made friends with classmates. When you end up in a crappy class with bad seating arrangements at least a friend could help you out when you ran late. She turned around and was about to head out the door in defeat when she heard it. Over the noise of the talking and the laughter, Katniss thought she heard a yell of ‘hey by the door!’

Frowning, she looked up and around, her eyes sweeping over the heads of her peers. Then she saw it. Six rows up on the right side by the aisle. An arm waved in the air followed by another shout from a voice, a guy’s voice. “Hey, do you want a seat?”

Katniss looked behind her quickly to see if another tardy student had followed behind her. No. Just her.

“Yeah, you with the braid. There’s a spare here!”

Heat flushed her cheeks. Well this was public humiliation on a different level. A quick glance around however, told her that no one seemed to have paid any attention. Her foot waivered on the step. It was probably a matter of minutes before Professor Abernathy turned up and Katniss had learnt the hard way that beggars couldn’t be choosers. Gritting her teeth, she made her way up the stairs towards where the arm was still waving. Great, she got to be a charity case here too.

When she reached the seat, the guy was bent down, shoving his bag onto the floor of the spare seat next to him as he moved across to it, freeing up the aisle one for Katniss. A quick look at his back told her nothing aside from the fact he had wavy blonde hair and very broad shoulders. Jock, she noted. I see how this is. A dumb jock who thinks he can copy from me. This day is just getting better,

She murmured a quick ‘thanks,’ and threw her own bag onto the ground sliding into the seat next to his, keeping her eyes down whilst hoping that would be the full level of their interaction.

There was a chirpy, “you’re welcome!” followed by a pause. “I saw you on the phone out there and thought you might want a seat saved. I know how this class gets.”

He was obviously a talker. Marvellous. If she humoured him and thanked him again he may just accept it and leave her in peace. If he didn’t, then she would tell him, in no uncertain terms, that she wasn’t interested in conversation. Katniss turned to look at him, her mouth open with a quick and curt reply.

Oh. Oh. He wasn’t entirely what she was expecting. He was grinning at her. No, not grinning, beaming at her, a wide and pleasant smile spreading across an equally pleasant face. She realised that her mouth was still open but no reply was coming out. She quickly spoke, “um yeah. Thank you. Again.”

“You’re welcome. Again!”

She mustered a small smile at him and looked down at her bag, readying to get her notebook out but he must have read the smile as a sign of encouragement because he leant towards her, his voice low. “You know he does it deliberately?”

“Sorry?”

“Professor Abernathy overbooks his classes on purpose. It’s not because he likes to make people suffer,” he shrugged. “Ok, maybe there’s a bit of that, but it’s his specialist area of interest. His first ever thesis was on in-group and out-group behaviour in stress related situations.” He leaned in, even closer, and Katniss saw that his eyes, a remarkable shade of blue, were shining with humour. “A few years ago he took his final thesis students on a survivalist week and created awful living conditions to see how they would react. It was so bad that by the fifth day they snapped and tied him to a pole.”

She laughed before she could help it and watched as his face lit up. “Guys a mad genius. His next study is on conformity to authority. I think he’s started with yelling at people to get out of his class. Who knows where it will go.”

Where indeed, she thought. Instead she asked, “how do you know all this?” and internally cringed as she said it. Dammit, a conversation was the one thing that she didn’t want to start and now she was actively participating in one. He didn’t seem to mind though, in fact he almost seemed pleased that she’d asked.

“My brother took this class. He was actually the one that had the idea to tie up Professor Abernathy to the pole.”

“Oh.” Her eyebrows shot up to her hairline and the guy chuckled.

“I swear it sounds worse than it is. According to my brother Abernathy told him he had ‘spunk.’”

“And are you taking this class because you’re hoping to tie someone up?” As soon as she said it she regretted it. A stunned look took over his face and there was a pause while his mouth opened and closed. He was now either thinking she was implying he was a sadist of some sort or was thinking she was flirting with him. It wasn’t the first and it certainly wasn’t the last. Mortification flooded through her and she started to look around for another seat. If she couldn’t find one then maybe she would chance it and just let Abernathy throw stationery at her head.

Before she could swap one embarrassment for another Katniss heard a chuckle from her right and she glanced over at him. He was rubbing the back of his neck and his face had pinkened, a blush decorating his cheeks. “I promise I’m not taking this class for some re-enactment of my brother’s glory moment. Professor Abernathy is really revered in his field. I just finished his new book before the semester and-”

There was a slam from the hall door and the man in question stormed in. “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he called out to the room. “I’m late and I’m not going to apologise for it. Now shut the hell up and pay attention.” Katniss rolled her eyes. Well glad to see that he could be late without consequence.

Her new conversation buddy caught her attention from the corner of her eye and mouthed ‘yeah, I know!’ followed by a sheepish smile at which, for some strange reason, she found her mouth had moved itself into a half smile in return.

For the rest of the lecture she couldn’t help but peek at him from the corner of her eye. There was something so irritatingly wholesome about him and Katniss realised, as she watched him take note after note on the material, that she had him wrongly pegged as a dumb jock. If anything, it was more obvious that she would benefit from copying from him.

Still, she hadn’t been entirely wrong on the jock front. When she first saw him she had noticed those broad shoulders and his physical presence seemed to take over the flimsy lecture hall seat he was sat in. Not in weight but in frame. While Katniss seemed to be small and inconspicuous in hers he seemed, solid. Stocky. And because she wasn’t a complete idiot she had also noticed that his sweatshirt said ‘D12 Wrestling Team 2017.’ That explained the build even if the slightly angelic looking blonde waves didn’t entirely fit the image.

When the bell finally rang, signalling the end of the hour, Katniss started. For someone so desperate to make it to this lesson she had paid surprisingly little attention during it. The guy next to her was packing up and she started to close her notebook, wincing at the lack of decent notes. She felt a rush of irritation at herself for getting distracted. This wasn’t why she was here. She couldn’t afford distractions. Sighing she grabbed her bag and threw everything in, leaping up from the chair and was wondering if the professor would post the lecture content online when she heard his voice again.

“Hey!”

She turned and almost tripped over her own bag strap but his hand shot out and grabbed at her elbow, keeping her upright. “Sorry! That was my fault, I shouldn’t have distracted you!” His eyes were wide and Katniss thought she could see genuine concern but she wrenched her elbow away from his grip, the feel of his warm fingers around her bare arm making her shift uncomfortably.

“Sorry. Again.” The same blush as before started to bloom across his face. She nodded and turned to walk down the steps. After a few seconds she realised he had joined her.

“I’m really hoping I’m not coming across as creepy but I was wondering if you wanted to take a copy of my notes? I noticed that you hadn’t written much and I think it was my fault. I probably put you off with what I was saying before the lecture so if you want my notes I’m happy to share.”

Jesus was this guy for real? She wanted to tell him that she was fine. She didn’t need his notes, she didn’t need his conversation and she didn’t need him to save a seat for her. Except, frustratingly, she did. Not the conversation maybe, she had never been one for that but she had needed a seat. And now she needed his damn notes. Sighing she turned to him. “Yeah that would be good, thanks. Maybe we could meet up before the next lecture. I could take some copies then?”

“Sounds great. I’m Peeta by the way.” He held out his hand for her to shake, such an unexpected gesture that she stalled and was immediately jostled by someone behind her. You are winning at life today Everdeen. She scowled at the person behind her who held their palms up and walked round her. She then scowled at Peeta’s upturned hand. Ugh. This is not want she wanted. She did not want polite people and possible friendships.

Reaching out with her hand, she shook his. “Katniss.” She would meet him before the next lecture, get copies and then go. It was a large class and she was small, she could blend in so he would never find her and start up a conversation again.

When they exited the lecture hall they walked to the side of the hallway and stood in the same place earlier where Katniss had answered her phone. Peeta had insisted that they swap numbers so that they could arrange to meet up for Katniss to get the copies. It made sense but she was still reluctant in giving her number over, not fully trusting that he would meet up and hand over the notes and dubious over the intentions of any guy with a girl’s number.

When they finished she said goodbye and turned to walk away but before she could he stopped her again. “I know I’m a pain in the ass.” She said nothing. “But I was thinking it would be good to have someone to talk over the lectures with, go over the assignments with, that sort of thing. Thought we could tackle this course together. If you’re interested?”

She frowned. Katniss didn’t know whether it was at him directly, at the whole concept of a class friend or if this was her face now. A semi-permanent frown.

Together? What the hell was he thinking?

#Everlark Fic Exchange #Springtime Edition 2017 #submission #wildlyglittering #prompt 44

92 notes · View notes