#and it takes effort on the players part to repair the relationship

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Why Kenny is so loved and David is so hated?

This question's been in my inbox forever because I didn't know how to answer it... and I still don't tbh

Kenny's a more established character. We've known him longer, he's has a stronger connection to Lee and Clementine, and the Kenny crowd are ride or die for him. When we first meet him in S1 ep1, we get the impression of a decent family man dedicated to his family, and then he goes through a roller-coaster of tragedy and character development.

David, on the other hand, is only in one game... a game that a lot of fans consider the worst installment in the series. We don't have enough time with him, and even though he has a strong connection to Javi as his older brother, players aren't attached to Javi, they're attached to Clementine. You know how this works- if Clementine no like, then we no like >:[ and Clementine no like David. Therefore, David bad.

And to be fair, she does have legit reasons for not liking him, but that just gives the player all the more reason to dislike him.

So even though I would consider David the "Kenny" of ANF, most people who loved Kenny still labeled David an asshole even though there is an interesting parallel there... which he is an asshole, but he's an interesting asshole... he just wasn't given the proper development like Kenny was.

I've said before that David is a "problematic fave" of mine, and I do hesitate to double down on that just yet. I haven't replayed ANF in forever and who knows, perhaps my opinion on him has changed like it has for a few other characters so I don't want to be like "and I still stand by the fact that David's my favorite, he's a bitch and I love him!" until I'm sure I actually feel that way, y'know?

If I had to give you my best answer, anon, it'd be that Kenny's better established and David's thrown in, the games explore Kenny's issues more thoroughly than David's, and lots of people hate ANF but love S1 and S2.

Though now that we're talking about David, I'm curious if I'll still feel the same way about his and Javi's relationship throughout the game. I was always more interested in the brother relationship over Javi's romance with Kate. I wanted a brothers reconciling storyline from ANF, and I did get that storyline done well in another game [surprise to no one, it's Dragon Age 2, Carver is my bitchy baby brother and I love him so much] and I have a feeling that's going to affect my overall opinion.

Sigh, add it to the to-do list, one day I'll revisit ANF.

[gothcatgirlfriend]

undertale yellow spoilers!

spoilers for the end of undertale yellow's no mercy route, neutral route, and major parts of pacifist. please do not read if you do not wish to be spoiled. you have been warned.

i apologize for any possible inaccuracies. i tried to be as accurate as possible by rewatching cutscenes, but there's always a chance i got things wrong. it also might be a bit rambly because i wrote them as messages. still, i have a lot of thoughts on this decision undertale yellow made, which i'd like to believe i backed with solid evidence. and in the end, it is only my opinion. i'd just like to have my point of view seen.

so, in regards to martlet and undertale yellow's no mercy route:

i think martlet is the perfect choice as no mercy's last stand, actually.

in undertale, it's sans, and yeah, he shows that he's menacing no matter what route you're on, but for the most part he comes off as a goofy slacker with some mysteries.

it's the fact that the player drives him to the state where he has to do something, because they're on a killing spree with nobody spared, literally. and he reveals that he's actually been working hard on all the time anomaly shenanigans behind the scenes that make sans such a good character to be the last defense between the player and asgore (until flowey kills him, and then the player kills flowey, and then chara kills the player...)

with undertale yellow, martlet is a very optimistic and genuine person. she's a bit of an airhead, but she still tries her best as a member of the royal guard. all the other major bosses fight clover in pacifist for reasons such as mistaking clover for the blue soul believing to be tracked down by them and defending themselves (dalv), blaming clover for their ruined relationships and believing that bringing in their soul themselves will repair their reputation (starlo), and of course, requiring clover's soul in a last-ditch effort to save their daughter from being at death's door (ceroba).

martlet is literally going by protocol. she's following the rules to the letter, and gets confused when clover refuses to attack, not even doing so herself before she gets to the part where she's allowed to. and the part where clover insults her behavior as a royal guard is where she falters and decides to spare clover, because it's true. her best isn't enough for them. the royal guard is under asgore's rule to take human's souls for monsterkind, but that isn't enough for her to finish the job.

this is where you keep in mind martlet and chujin's conversation that clover sees in the no mercy route. her mentor, that she admired and was close to, is extremely cautious of humans due to the incident with the blue soul. but even after knowing the damage they can cause, she has hope that not all of them are bad, as she'll say in no mercy herself.

so that's why in no mercy, when clover is delivering their twisted sense of justice and killing every monster they can, she knows she has to stop them. in the first encounter, after she realizes clover is the culprit, she tosses the guide book and puts everything she's got into the fight. but that, just as well, isn't enough. she has to retreat because they're too powerful, even though clover could continue their rampage. but still, after almost dying to them, she tries to convince them to end the violence because she wants to believe that they have an ounce of sympathy for their victims.

if no mercy is aborted, when clover meets her on the roof, she throws away the determination serum she picked up from the lab just like in regular neutral. because she sees that, at least in one instance, they didn't choose murder. and that's good enough for her. that's all it takes, even if flowey goes in for the kill and martlet blames clover. she only goes so far to do so in her dying moments, and because flowey purposefully hid in the shadows, so how would she know it wasn't them?

when no mercy is fully initiated, she doesn't even instigate the combat; clover does. they're so trigger-happy that they waste no time. and at that point she has to use the last weapon monsterkind has to prevent clover from reaching asgore. she waited until the last moment, hoping clover would change their mind. but when there's no hope for them, she harnesses that determination to become the most powerful monster in the underground, the zenith of monsterkind. she'll wield the determination to deliver justice unto clover.

even if it kills her.

[shinyhill]

Credits: Erica Buist The name of the pub actually comes from something rather dark Many a Londoner has emerged from Liverpool Street station, let their gaze wander left down Bishopsgate, and spotted some electric scarlet letters spelling out the pub name, “Dirty Dicks”.

Yes, the omission of the apostrophe in the lights is unfortunate. But the story of Dirty Dick’s is tragic, uncomfortable and truly fascinating: this is a nineteenth century version of a theme pub.

And the theme? A local man’s emotional breakdown.

Dirty Dick’s real name was Nathaniel Bentley, who was born in 1735 and was a successful London merchant and man about town, the owner of a warehouse and hardware shop in Leadenhall Street.

The close attention he paid to his appearance – together with the society women who seemed to arrive at his sides on a conveyor belt – earned him the nickname “the beau of Leadenhall Street”.

Essentially, he was a player. Until he met Her.

By “Her”, I mean the woman he fell head over heels in love with and decided to marry.

Since much of this story was passed down orally her identity has been lost, but suffice to say he was blissfully happy to be getting married and the relationship was not, as so many matches were at the time, a marriage of convenience.

Which is why he put so much effort into the reception, and laid the tables with blue and white, her favourite colours, along with flowers, wine, cutlery, a gorgeous wedding cake.

On the day of their wedding, shortly before heading to the church, Nathaniel put on his morning suit.

Little did he know, he would never take it off.

There was a knock at the door. The news that his fiancée had died, on the very morning of their wedding, broke Nathaniel apart.

He locked the door of the reception room and wouldn’t allow anyone to enter, much less clear anything away.

He refused to take off his suit, or wash his hands – or any part of him, or in fact anything at all – ever again.

“It’s of no use,” he said. “If I wash my hands, they will be dirty again tomorrow.”

This was no brief dip into bereavement. Nathaniel grieved this way for the rest of his life, and his warehouse soon fell into absolute filth.

Dust and grime accumulated, spiders built cities of cobwebs.

Cats and rats died on the floor, and still, he refused to clean or allow anyone else to. He acquired the nickname Dirty Dick and he and his den of grot became something of a tourist attraction in London.

Any letter addressed to “The Dirty Warehouse, London” would be delivered to Dirty Dick, who was by now a kind of celebrity of squalor.

Though he had transformed himself from a beau to a bin, his perfect manners and politeness remained, leaving him a typically well-educated delight of a man with an incongruous, slovenly exterior.

Charles Dickens was fascinated by his story, and it’s widely believed to be where he got the inspiration for the character of Miss Havisham in Great Expectations.

In 1853 he even published a poem by William Allingham, all about Dirty Dick, in his weekly magazine Household Words, which included the lines: “Fine folks from their carriages, noble and fair,/ Have entered his shop, less to buy than to stare,/ And afterwards said, though the dirt was so frightful,/ The Dirty Man’s manners were truly delightful.”

The lease on Dirty Dick’s warehouse expired in 1802, and it took two years to turf him out of the premises.

The local business owners, who over the years had begged him to do cleaning and repairs (and even offered to do so at their own expense), must have been delighted to see the back of him – but more excited still were the hordes of tourists who crowded in to marvel at the filthy warehouse, and get a peek at the wedding breakfast left untouched for decades.

Then, a few years after Nathaniel left and died in Scotland, the proprietors of The Old Jerusalem pub around the corner from his warehouse (and which Nathaniel himself had once owned) had a bright idea.

They renamed the pub Dirty Dick’s and filled it with cobwebs and cat corpses acquired from his warehouse shop, recreating the look to capitalise on the legend, a full-on commodification of a breakdown.

One 1866 description of the pub was, “A small public house or rather a tap of a wholesale wine and spirit business… a warehouse or barn without floorboards – a low ceiling, with cobweb festoons dangling from the black rafters – a pewter bar battered and dirty, floating with beer – numberless gas pipes tied anyhow along the struts and posts to conduct the spirits from the barrels to the taps – sample phials and labelled bottles of wine and spirits on shelves – everything covered with virgin dust and cobwebs".

Now of course – of course – Dirty Dick’s has been cleaned, the mummified remains of cats and rats long since tucked away behind a glass case, because today we live in a world with health and safety regulations that must be followed.

But astonishingly, the order from the government for a deep cleansing of the pub didn’t happen until the 1980s, just shy of 200 years after Dirty Dick died, still broken with grief, in the sad, flimsy rags of his morning suit.

Author: Erica Buist

[spockandawe]

I doubt this is something I’ll ever even try to write, because I rarely have the energy these days to devote my energy to a ‘lol but what if’ ship. But never say never, and I legit wrote the emilonni and tlj/sqq fics, after all, so I’m going to write this down and maybe, possibly, someday come back to it.

Now, hear me out

Wei Wuxian/Jin Zixun

Yes, yes, I know, but give me a second. It’s the sort of ship where I kind of want to do it just to see if it can be done, and where the idea of ‘textual support’ is kind of laughable, and it’s not like I’m smashing together two super-popular characters who just never happened to speak, and it’s the kind of ship where I think I could only shake one fic out of it before I was repeating myself, BUT.

First, a quote:

The person at the head of the group was Jin Zixun. He said, “Zixuan, is that Wei making trouble for you again?!”

Jin Zixuan said, “None of your business, don’t worry about it for now!” Seeing that Wei Wuxian grabbed Jiang Yanli and was about to take her away, he added, “Stop!”

Wei Wuxian said, “Oh, you want to fight? That’s fine with me!”

Jin Zixun said, “You Wei, just what do you mean by going against Zixuan so many times?”

Wei Wuxian looked at him. “Who are you?”

Jin Zixun paused in shock, and fumed, “You don’t know who I am?!”

“Why should I know who you are?”

When the Sunshot Campaign had first broken out, Jin Zixun had insisted on defending the back lines, due to an injury. He hadn’t had the chance to see what Wei Wuxian was like on the front lines, and most of his knowledge had come from rumors. He hadn’t care much for him, thinking that the rumors were simply exaggerations. However, a while ago, Wei Wuxian had summoned all of the dark creatures in the forest with a whistle, calling away the fierce corpses Jin Zixun’s group had been about to capture, causing their efforts to be wasted. He was already displeased.

Now, in front of his face, Wei Wuxian was asking who he was, stirring up a strange sense of indignation within him— He knew Wei Wuxian, yet Wei Wuxian didn’t know him, and even dared ask who he was in front of everyone. It was as if this had caused him to lose too much face. The more he thought about it, the more irritated he became.

Now, there’s a thoughtful meta I hopefully reblogged to my sideblog, which I would have to dig up or recreate on my own, about the most sympathetic possible reading of Jin Zixun. If memory serves, it has a lot to do about the precarious nature of his social position, where he’s part of the Jin clan, and kind of the closest thing Jin Zixuan has to a brother, but also, everyone knows that Jin Zixuan has half-siblings coming out of the woodwork, and many of them would be stoked to get Jin Guangshan to accept them into the family. At this stage in the story, Jin Guangyao is already a major player and a hero of the war and part of the venerated triad, where Jin Zixun spent a lot of time... not in the thick of things, like most other peers of his generation.

Is he an asshole? Yes! Is... Wei Wuxian an asshole? Also yes! One of them may be a more likeable asshole than the other, but that’s part of the excitement of a story like this, trying to coax people into holding a fannish position that they’d never considered before, and aren’t particularly eager to be convinced of. I don’t think I’m bad at that uphill climb, it just takes a lot of energy that I don’t often have to begin that journey in the first place. Also, one of these assholes is a certified grade-A torturer, and it’s probably not the one you dislike. Jin Zixun isn’t starting from an insurmountable disadvantage here. 

And see, the thing that got my attention is this: Earlier in this chapter, Wei Wuxian is a little melancholy, thinking about how since the Sunshot Campaign, lots of people are scared of him, hardly anyone is willing to be alone with him, and almost nobody would ever be willing to approach him alone. And here, we get the information that because Jin Zixun was injured early and wasn’t on the front lines of the Sunshot Campaign, he doesn’t know to be afraid. He tried to provoke Wei Wuxian before the hunt, he’s about to keep provoking Wei Wuxian, he’s Jin Zixun and he doesn’t afraid of anything. Yes, he’s about to say some very hurtful things, but I look at that, and I think ‘okay, now how do we recover from this?’ Giving Wei Wuxian someone who just... plain isn’t afraid of him (but is also derailed by me, your author, from taking that to unrecoverable places) would be good for him. Jiang Cheng will antagonize him and isn’t afraid of him, but they also share years of history and are dealing with a lot of other stresses in this situation, and Jiang Cheng is asking things from Wei Wuxian that Wei Wuxian is struggling to provide, and the golden core thing is still hanging between them. Lan Wangji isn’t afraid of Wei Wuxian, but Wei Wuxian parses his concern and worries as antagonism and criticism, and those stress him out in a whole different way. This dynamic, as much as I would have to work to make it happen, would bring something new to the table.

One of my favorite activities is crackshipping with sincerity, and when I poke at this, it genuinely feels like richer territory than it looks at first glance. A lot of the antagonists share some fascinating character notes with our lead, and what’s most interesting to me here is an elevated-but-precarious social position and the various stresses that puts upon our characters. Jin Guangyao is the most obvious example, and Su She echoes it more quietly, with how he struggled within the Lan Sect and eventually left (honestly, kudos to him for him and mianmian to be two of the only characters to realize that their home was hurting them and to leave). Jin Zixun is in a family position that’s close to being brothers with his sect’s heir, but isn’t quite brothers, and is close to the seat of power, but also in a precarious social position if someone acts against him. Jin Guangshan and Madam Jin create a dysfunctional family dynamic to grow up in, where Jin Guangshan’s heart attention strays from his wife, and his wife has beat at least one kid who wasn’t biologically hers in the household.

There’s some common ground, is all I’m saying

I don’t even know what would happen, necessarily, I’m talking this all out here right now, and the interesting part of ships like this is digging in extra deep, and seeing what unexpected thing shakes out. It isn’t quite in the style of the other notable rarepair fics I have managed to write, which tend to follow a paradigm of ‘[person] is floating unmoored from the world, and [love interest] gets them engaged with life again’, but it’s not totally out of line with my interests. Svsss won’t give us more detail about Tianlang-jun? Okay, what happens if I make him hopelessly fond, what happens then? What happens if I properly re-engage his sense of humor? I hardly had anything of substance to go on with Horuss, and that fic is old, but I managed to pull interesting things out of him with Roxy. And I mean... what does happen when Jin Zixun stops self-destructively antagonizing the people around him and starts acting in more neutral ways? Not even positive, I think this relationship is going to have a strong antagonistic component, but what happens if he stops basing his interactions purely on who gets the higher rung on the social ladder?

Now, I do have a problem, which is that plot is something that happens to other people. See also: the reason there has not been a tianlang-jun sequel. I think that it would almost definitely have to do with repairing the situation between Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli and both of them managing to dial it back a LITTLE so as not to completely sabotage their family member’s happiness, and that leading things forward. And in a ridiculous pipe dream that will never be realized, because either possible pov will be completely oblivious, I would also want to include Jin Zixuan’s confused bisexual awakening and his resentful (also confused) attraction towards Wei Wuxian, even if he still ends up with Jiang Yanli, but... wei wuxian isn’t going to notice, and neither is jin zixun, SO. That’s probably right out. And the plot implications would have to be... significant. Setting it post-Sunshot campaign means that the Wen situation is simmering, and any plot that involves me untangling that mess... terrifying! I wouldn’t know where to begin! But like, also. What if I could write this ship in a compelling way. I bet I could do it. Nothing feels as good as the sensation of ‘I have scored points on my own darling readers by convincing them to like something they didn’t want to like’, and usually, I only get that from the second person pov. It would be so hard to write this ship. But also, what if I did it.

[thestaredown]

Some thoughts on the current discourse about consequences, friendships and fallout in Riverdale.

I decided that what I had to say on it would be long enough to warrant its own post so here we are.

Something to acknowledge as fans is the fact that this show has often and especially this last season expected the viewers to do the character work for them. This season has had a deluge of crazy theories and off the wall extrapolations based on nothing but the thinnest of lines, looks, and writer trolling.

Why? Because we have only been given crumbs as to our main characters state of minds. We have a seven-year gap that we are filling ourselves because after half a season we know next to nothing about our main characters as they are now. They don't interact about anything significant; story lines are rarely meaningful, and the show is trying to sell them as simultaneously being team players with each other while making it clear that they are not friends (despite wanting us to think they are). 

We start with the dreaded kiss. It was handled poorly full stop. Not just in a teenagers make mistakes way, but narratively. The drama was achieved but it broke something they are still scrambling to repair.

The fallout was not equal. In fandom Betty got dragged and, in the show, she was clearly devastated and suddenly very alone. Jughead went back to season 1 shut down and isolated. Veronica heartbroken but able to pick up and go. Then Archie who is apparently not allowed lasting conflict, gets full core four support as he leaves, and a dismissal from Jughead cause ‘army’.(The trend continues in this fashion season 5 with some extras)

For something that was supposed to blow things up it went out with a whimper because despite what the writers may think, they don’t like taking risks, and truly splintering all these relationships would have resulted in extra effort to build them back up.

Also note that it seems that any true confrontation between Archie and Jughead is always nipped in the bud. This should not have been one such situation, but something tells me Archie and Jughead have fundamentally different views on their friendship. At this point they seem to owe each other one, rather than have a genuine friendship.

This clutch for drama just created the current situation. Nothing is resolved and there are no stakes because no one is anything to each other and the built-in tension is being ignored rather than used most of the time.

They are all in Riverdale because their lives sucked and it was the best option, not because Captain Save a Town asked them to ( especially since they initially came back for Pops).  If any of them had a good life to go back to I’m convinced they would have told him to fuck off, no one would go back to the town that traumatized them if they had a better offer.

We also don’t know much about the characters as people and must guess based on inconsistent actions what’s going on with them because part of this season’s mystery is apparently the characters. So, we can’t know plot, and we can’t know character, therefore we can’t get motivation.

But we sure as hell can get a lot of largely unrelated filler episodes and mini arcs.

In short, we don’t know where anyone stands which has been frustrating. What we do know is, these characters are not friends, and were all traumatized after years of being traumatized.

( More on that in another more character and time jump related post. This somehow became more about shitty story telling)

[reyescarlos]

YES!!! 14 “Please don’t tell me you filmed that.” “Of course I filmed it.” for tarlos and maybe a little bit of that yeehaw firefam if you would be so kind thank you i love you

omg the shenanigans! thanks for getting me to branch out and attempt writing the rest of the crew! oh how i love the 126 🤠

 #14 “Please don’t tell me you filmed that.” “Of course I filmed it.”

It’s become something of a custom for the 126 to gather outside of work. Where most people would be tired of seeing their co-workers constantly, the station’s team never seems to shy away from any excuse to extend their days. Even after a long shift, just the mere mention of plans gets the crew excited.

Owen affectionately calls it family time, an opportunity for the crew to get together periodically after shifts and try different activities together. TK can’t actually say he minds the opportunity to bond even further with the team. In a lot of ways, in almost no time at all, the 126 has come together and formed quite the family, one that TK is sincerely proud to be a part of.

As an only child, he’d spent a great deal of time on his own, admittedly curious about what it would have been like to have a big brother or sister looking out for him or even what it could be like to be an older brother himself. Life was funny in the way it brought the various members of the crew into his world. Now he knew precisely what it was like to be surrounded by siblings and all the highs and lows that came with that. They could bicker amongst themselves but at the end of the day, there was nothing but love between them all.

Outings like this, bowling on a Friday night after their shift, were moments that TK has quickly come to cherish. It’s made all the more special with tonight’s guest joining in on the fun. TK’s relationship with Carlos is still new, just a month and a half underway but without question the man’s presence is always a welcomed thing at any and all times.

Owen and Michelle head over to the stand to get food and drinks for everyone, the rest of the team piling into their seats. Marjan commandeers the center console, her eyes glossing over the buttons for a moment.

“I’d just like to go on record saying that bowling is not my thing,” Paul announces the second he flops into his seat.

“Josie still hasn’t managed to teach you?” Carlos asks.

Paul smiles and TK can’t help but to do the same. He was all too happy when Josie and Paul amended things, the two of them meeting up and having a serious conversation. It had been a tentative road, one that TK had worried Paul wouldn’t care to repair. He certainly wouldn’t have faulted Paul if he decided not to but TK had easily picked up on the chemistry between them and had been hopeful that one day they’d be able to reconnect.

It’d taken a few weeks for Paul to be open to the idea of putting his heart out there with Josie again and it seemed to be paying off now.

“We, uh, kinda get distracted during lessons,” Paul says with a shrug and a smirk.

“Alright, so you’re definitely not on my team then,” Marjan quips, double checking her laces on her rentals. “How about you, Carlos? Are you any good at bowling?”

“Yeah, I’ve been playing since I was a kid.”

Marjan grins. “Excellent, you’re with me then.”

TK raises a hand in protest. “Wait, wait, wait. You can’t just start stealing all the best players for your team.”

Marjan looks to the left, then the right, then back at him.

“Says who? That’s the whole point of calling dibs,” she says. “It’s not my fault you guys are just slow.”

TK jokingly narrows his eyes at her. “Alright, then we get Judd. We need at least one solid player on our team.”

Her mouth twists to one side in thought. “Fine, I’ll allow it. Judd, I wish your back well. It’s going to take a lot to carry your team.”

“What else is new?” Judd muses.

Paul places a hand over his heart. “Ice cold, Marwani. I knew you were competitive but damn, is it really like that?”

“Oh, that’s precisely how it is.”

Carlos laughs and shakes his head. “Who knew firefighters could be so vicious?”

“Marjan is the worst of all when it comes to games,” Mateo says. “But she’s pretty much undefeated so she’s doing something right.”

TK wishes he could argue the point but Marjan’s competitive nature always gives her an extra edge over the others. Sometimes he gets to bask in the warm glow of victory if they’re paired up. Other times he has to admit defeat.

“Alright, so what are the two teams looking like?” Mateo asks Marjan.

She starts typing in her name first. “So it’s me, you, Carlos, and I think we’ll snag Cap.”

“Pitting me against my father and my boyfriend? A little cruel, don’t you think?”

Marjan laughs. “Clearly I’m out to get you today.”

She continues typing in everyone’s names until all eight are on the board. “Cool, we’re good to go.”

Judd stands up first and gets his ball from the ball return. It’s a weighty all black ball that he sends flying down the lane without much buildup at all.

TK watches it streak down the lane, tipping over eight pins.

“That’s how you knock ‘em down,” he proudly boasts, turning back to the others.

Marjan rolls her eyes but TK can see she’s actually impressed with how well Judd has done right out of the gate. Mateo has his phone out, taking pictures and videos as he always does during their get togethers.

TK sits beside Carlos, placing his head on his shoulder as they all watch Judd set up his next frame. He can feel the press of Carlos’ lips against the crown of his head and he smiles to himself at the move. TK shifts and steals a kiss, a hand resting on Carlos’ chest.

“No fraternizing with the enemy,” Paul grumbles. “Don’t make me get a hose for you two. You know I can make that happen like that,” he says, snapping his fingers for emphasis.

The crew takes turns and before long, Marjan is calling TK up to take his turn. It strikes him how odd his feet feel inside of his rentals. The floor is so much smoother than he was anticipating and he glides a bit as he heads to the ball return.

“You alright there, Happy Feet?” Judd calls out, earning a few laughs from the team.

“I’ve got this,” TK assures, placing his fingers into the holes.

“Famous last words,” Marjan says at the same time as Paul who says, “Dead man walking.”

TK picks up his ball and draws in a breath as he raises in front of him. Bowling is not his forte. The last time he stepped foot in a bowling alley had to have been when he was in high school, if not junior high. He and his friends didn’t know or care to learn the rules and that suited him just fine. This was as simple a concept as any. Even little kids were capable of knocking over pins. Surely he, an adult, could do the same too without incident.

He studies the little arrows on the floor before him all pointing towards the pins as if he needed reminding on which direction to go. TK rolls his eyes at them and lowers his arm, swinging it back. As he goes to release the ball, his wrist locks a bit. His body tugs with the momentum and it dawns on TK that this is not about to end well for him.

The ball slips from his hand clumsily and in his haste to try and maintain control, his left foot slips. It happens in the blink of an eye, the time it takes for the ball to hit the wooden floor and for his butt to do the same.

Marjan’s cackle is the loudest of them all, practically filling every square inch of the bowling alley.

Carlos is beside him quickly, holding out a hand to help him up. TK’s face burns hot with embarrassment, his backside already aching. He looks to where his friends are, Mateo’s phone angled a little too perfectly at him.

There’s only one conclusion to draw from such a sight and TK, as foolish as it is, hopes against hope that he’s wrong.

“Please don’t tell me you filmed that.”

“Of course I filmed it, are you kidding me? I’m totally making this into a boomerang. That was gold,” Mateo laughs, shoving his phone towards the others and tapping the screen.

Judd is wiping away tears from his eyes, Marjan’s cheeks are flushed, and Paul is doubled over in his seat as they watch the video. To his credit, Carlos is doing his best not to join in but his cheekbones are raised so highly on his face, his lips pressed tightly together in a valiant effort to suppress a laugh.

“You too?” TK jokingly reprimands.

“I’m sorry but if you saw it go down like we did…,” he trails off, placing a kiss against TK’s temple.

TK groans and buries his face against the side of Carlos’ neck as he wraps an arm around his waist.

“What’s going on here? We leave you all for five minutes and you guys are falling to pieces,” Owen says, Michelle just a step behind him, their hands filled with packed trays of nachos and drinks.

“I got you, Cap. Look at this,” Mateo says a little too eagerly, surrendering his phone to Owen.

TK groans yet again and Carlos merely pulls him in a little closer as the team watches the two captains view the video. It’s mortifying but the crew relishes in it, watching eagerly. TK can hear the bowling ball thud and a second later himself. The laughter of the crew plays back, only this time with his own father’s laugh and Michelle’s joining the mix in real time.

“Is this online? That’s just what this station needs, another firefighter going viral.”

[for-ests]

Love It If We Made It: Oikawa Tooru x Reader (Part 1)

[ my masterlist ] Part 2

Warnings: angst, few mentions of death

Word count: 5, 105

Summary: You are Karasuno's volleyball manager, and when you tag along to their first match against Aoba Johsai, you reconnect with your childhood friend, Oikawa Tooru. A relationship soon develops, along with feelings that weren't present before. Problems soon arise though, because of his reputation, and your troubled past that he didn't know about. 

Everything happens for a reason.

That's what you always told yourself, realizing that one choice you made could lead to endless possibilities and situations you never thought you would find yourself in. It was far too easy to slip up, and let the world you had spent years creating turn to dust and fall between your finger tips.

You learned that the hard way, yet you were strong enough to pick yourself back up.

Joining the Karasuno Volleyball club as their manager came out of desperation on your end. In truth, it was a favor for your friend Kiyoko, who knew you were going through a tough time. When she explained the challenges, but emphasized that she couldn't do it all herself, you decided it was a good way to take your mind off things, while also helping others. Kiyoko was quiet, but it was her way of showing you she cared, by sharing her world with you and providing an outlet.

You needed something to do. Something that you could focus your energy on to forget your ex-boyfriend, the boy that had broken your heart. Along with that emotional trauma, you also had to deal with a devastating death in your family, your younger brother. Within the blink of an eye, those two events had changed you as a person. For two months, you had locked yourself away in your room to deal with it. And those who cared for you had started to grow worried.

That's why you were beyond relieved when you first walked into that gym, bombarded by underclassmen that soon became your friends. They were so happy, they were so passionate. Their optimistic nature began to inspire you in other aspects of your life.

Knowing you had a rambunctious group of boys to take care of, all the while alongside your friend, the massive hole in your heart began to repair itself.

As the weeks passed, the bond between you and the Karasuno volleyball club grew stronger, and you found yourself falling back into your healthy habits. You were smiling again, you were laughing again.

"What are you thinking about Y/N?" Hinata surprised you suddenly with a question. He had practically teleported to your side so quickly that you jumped.

"Oh!" You laughed, looking down at him with a smile to mask the once nostalgic expression that had graced your face. "I'm just really proud of you guys for making it this far."

The two of you stared down at the polished wood floors, the rows of stands, and the many, many schools that were preparing their fan sections for their upcoming games. It was the fall tournament, and the boys had won their first couple games—but now they were going to face an strong opponent- Aoba Johsai.

"Not you guys, it's us." Hinata said, conviction heavy within his tone. "We couldn't have done this without you."

A chuckle escaped your lips as you nudged him. "You're laying it on thick today."

Grinning, the orange-haired first year gave you a thumbs up. "I just want our Senpai to know that she's appreciated."

"-you have done a lot for us." Nishinoya joined in as the rest of the group caught up with you and Hinata.

All the boys had heard about your brother's accident. The trauma of it all was still looming over your head, threatening to take over your conscious at any moment. Perhaps the boys knew that being able to help and take care of them was a replacement for the family member you had lost. It felt good to be apart of a group again, with people who appreciated your time and efforts.

"Then I hope we win today." You made sure to use the inclusive pronouns. "So you didn't waste my time!"

"There she is!" Tanaka laughed a little too loudly. "Stop looking so nervous and keep making those jokes."

"I'm not nervous." You puffed your lip out, realizing the entire team had now surrounded you.

"You look really nervous." Kageyama finally spoke in monotone, seeming to deal with his own nerves in a completely different way.

"Okay fine." You grumbled. "I'm nervous."

The boys laughed.

"Why?" Kiyoko joined the huddle, looking concerned as she gazed at your face. You were trying really hard to remain calm.

Awkwardly twirling your hair between your finger tips, you tried to avoid locking eyes with anyone. "I don't want to put pressure on any of you-"

"Just tell us, it's okay Y/N." Suga's calm and reassuring voice whispered from behind you. The look in his eyes conveyed that he already knew what you were thinking, because that was also what was on his mind. This was your last year. Your last tournament. If you lost; it would be over.

"I really need you guys to win." You said. "Because I don't want this to be our last game."

It was true, when you thought about it for long enough, the threat of your time in the Karasuno volleyball club could be over in an instant.

Kiyoko gave your hand a reassuring squeeze, knowing you had grown to love the sport, and it's players, as much as she had. This moment was bittersweet.

"We will try our best, Y/N." Hinata said without his usual smile. Whenever that happened, you knew he was serious.

A brief moment of silence hung over the group, as if their situation had finally sank in.

You finally lifted your head to meet everyone's gaze. "Thank you all, really. Being apart of this team has helped me more than I can explain."

All of the boys replied instantly, more than happy that you were there with them. You could tell you meant a lot to them. Well, except with Tsukishima— but you knew you would eventually get there.

"Alright everyone, let's get to work." Coach Ukai encouraged as the tender moment faded. "We can't disappoint our managers."

He nodded at you, and you smiled back. When you really wanted to, you were a great pep talker.

"Now, Use your looks to distract our opponents!" Tanaka teased as he walked past you. Teasingly, you stuck your foot out to try and trip him- but his fast reflexes allowed him to casually step over it.

"Nice try!" He boasted.

Giggling from the interaction, you and Kiyoko crossed the volleyball court and to the coaching staff benches.

"Third years now have the ability to participate in the spring tournaments." Kiyoko said as the guys wandered off to begin warm-ups. "So if you want to, we can come back next semester."

"Really?" You breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God."

"I could tell you were getting sentimental."

Feigning discomfort, you slumped next to her dramatically. "Knowing that beforehand would have been nice. I just embarrassed myself in front of the team."

"I think they needed to hear that from you." She said with honesty.

The genuine expression she wore warmed your heart. You and Kiyoko were incredibly different, yet incredibly similar. You always appreciated the time you spent with her, she was an important friend.

Your eyes drifted to the opposite side of the net. The team still hadn't arrived for warm-ups.

"We're playing Aoba Johsai right?" You asked, eyes searching the gym for their supposed school colors.

"Yes." Kiyoko had already immersed herself with writing down notes on her clipboard.

The name Aoba Johsai felt so familiar, as if you knew someone who attended that high school. Yet, you couldn't quite put a finger on it.

Though you were well-known at Karasuno, you were unsure about other high schools in the area. You weren't the type of girl to care about people you didn't interact with on a daily basis, even if you were considered popular.

You just went about your days trying to be kind, and trying to make a name for yourself. The last thing you wanted to be known for was what happened earlier in the year. You didn't want to be pitied.

But sometimes, the people from your past are the only ones that can heal you. Sometimes, it's better to reflect and appreciate everything that happened, even if it hurts.

Everything happens for a reason. Even if that reason doesn't seem clear at first glance.

The gym doors squeaked open, and in waltzed Karasuno's opponent- Aoba Johsai.

Though only a portion of the fan section had arrived, excited cheers sounded from the stands. You scowled, wishing your classmates had come to support your team. It definitely would have had an effect on the players, since half of them loved praise and affection.

Starting from the bottom already put you at a disadvantage. Unlike your opponents, Karasuno had a reputation to build back up. Every game counted. Every game mattered.

With that thought in mind, you had lost focus through all the noise. You could feel your nerves creeping back, threatening to overtake your smile, one that was needed as a morale booster for your players.

"Look pretty." Kiyoko teased, mocking Tanaka's ridiculous suggestion. Not every boy got worked up about girl managers with good looks like him and Nishinoya.

But still, out of habit, you ran a hand through your hair and flipped it behind your shoulders. Though you weren't the star of the show, you could still feel eyes on your back.

You needed to keep your composure. Because of her extended time as the volleyball club manager, Kiyoko has perfected her posture.

"I'm going to get some water." You whispered, standing up from the bench. That would definitely be the best option since your throat was starting to tighten.

Walking quickly, you reached the shared water table that was provided to both teams. A great plus when participating in tournaments.

Out of curiosity, as you grabbed a water bottle and took a sip, your eyes drifted to the other side of the net, where you were met with a striking, familiar, set of deep brown eyes.

For a moment that seemed to stretch past time limitations, you stood frozen in place.

"Tooru?" You whispered, voice drowned out by the cheering and movements of the players on court.

Your heart fluttered at the sight of him. It had been years since you parted ways.

Oikawa had been staring at you before you realized it was him. His look of astonishment quickly switched to one of wonder once he realized your lips had formed his name. "Y/N?" He mouthed back, flashing his notoriously handsome smile.

Without thinking, you crossed the threshold to the other side of the court.

"Oh my god-" You managed to choke, stopping abruptly in front of his towering figure. "I never thought..."

His expression wavered, as if it was begging you to follow through with the natural actions that filled your mind.

As if you had done it the day before, you threw your arms around his neck and pulled him down for a tight embrace. For the first time in a long time, you didn't care what anyone else thought about your actions.

"Hi again." He chuckled at how rash you had become, knowing you must have been overwhelmed to see him with how openly you were showing your emotions. Curling his arms around your torso, Oikawa chuckled in your ear. "You look great."

You pulled away, studying the changes he had made to his appearance. He had grown into his stalking height, one that he used to get teased for. His hair was silkier, his eyes wiser.  "So do you!"

The boy's touch lingered. "Wow." He breathed, short on words. "I never thought I'd see you again, but I really hoped."

You met his piercing gaze, one that seemed to flicker across parts of your body that a normal friend would restrict themselves from staring.  "Me too."

Your excitement passed though, as soon as you realized that the eyes of both teams were on you. Darting your eyes away in embarrassment from your rash actions, you recognized another familiar face. The regret that had built up inside of you dissipated within an instant.

"Haijime!" You waved, beckoning him to come closer.

"Hi, Y/N." He smiled, also bending down to give you a friendly hug. A hug that was much different than Oikawa's.

Teasingly, you continued the conversation. "I see that you two are the same. Still obsessed with volleyball."

Oikawa rolled his eyes. "Duh, of course. But what's more surprising is that you're a volleyball manager?"

"Yeah, I never thought that would happen." Iwaizumi added. "We inspired you, didn't we?"

Grinning from ear to ear, you nodded, reflecting on the hours that you had practiced with them. Before you had moved, the three of you would spend hours at the gym. Joining the Karasuno volleyball club had rekindled your love for the sport. And the boys were surprised that you had so much previous knowledge, which was now obvious that it had come from Oikawa.

Though what saddened you was that you had forgotten all about that. Your wholesome memories had been replaced with something far more grim.

"Hey!" The Aoba Johsai coach yelled from the opposite side. "Get back to business, all of you!"

The three of you turned and noticed that the rest of the team had stopped what they were doing, and seemed to be gossiping about your relationship to Oikawa and Iwaizumi. You immediately blushed, your contempt flooding right back in.

"Oi! don't look at her like that! She's not a piece of meat!" Oikawa pointed aggressively at his teammates, causing them to scatter and pretend they had been invested in their warm up practices the entire time.

"You're just mad that everyone is staring at her, and not you." Iwaizumi gave him a slap on the back for good measure. "Focus now."

Iwaizumi wandered off, leaving you one more brief moment with Oikawa. He glanced behind him, then back to you, looking somewhat regretful. It was most likely because the outcome of this game was going to be disappointing for one of you.

"Wait for me after the match, okay?" He asked, yet it came out more desperate. In a way that caused your heart to hammer in your chest. You really couldn't figure out if it was because of him, or if it was because of all the eyes you could still feel pointed towards you.

Throughout your younger years, Oikawa had boosted your confidence, and pushed you outside of your comfort zone. But things were slightly different now. Someone as outgoing as him could tell you had become timid, for reasons he didn't know yet, but hoped he would eventually figure out.

"Good luck, Tooru." You smiled. "You'll need it."

All he could do was flash you a devilish smile.

Oikawa had always been a flirt. It was somewhat comforting to know that his bubbly personality hadn't changed. At least on the surface. He had always commanded the attention of everyone in the room, which made your more reserved nature recoil in embarrassment.

But now, at least on the surface, you could handle it.

Because your parents moved all those years ago, you had never gained the opportunity to tell him how much he had meant to you. But as you watched his presence command the movements of his team, you realized that now was your chance.

Turning back to your teammates, who were all as equally surprised, you scratched the back of your neck awkwardly. "I'm sorry for interrupting." You apologized.

"Y/N, you know Oikawa?" Kageyama was the first one to ask.

"Y-yeah... we were friends in middle school, before I moved here."

"Interesting." Hinata dramatically set his chin in his hand, stroking it as if he had a goatee. "Y/N-chan knows both the kings!"

Kageyama immediately smacked the back of Hinata's head. "Shut up dumbass!" He scolded.

You stifled a laugh, encouraging them to continue on practicing, reassuring them that you were still crossing your fingers for Karasuno to win.

"Y/N took my suggestion a little too seriously." Tanaka sighed, watching you shyly make your way back over to the coaching bench.

"She's so popular and beautiful." Nishinoya added. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I really wish I was Oikawa right now."

Feeling more pumped up than you had before, you shouted a cheer from the sideline. "Don't disappoint me boys!"

❀∙∘✿∘∙❀

Knowing that volleyball meant the world to Oikawa, you were somewhat relived that Aoba Johsai had won the match.

You would be there for your team in the end, but in this moment, you couldn't be there for Oikawa. You hadn't been for years. That's why you were relived, knowing you couldn't stand to see him upset.

"Don't look at me like that." He teased.

"Like what?" You deadpanned, trying hard to remain upset with him, since he had just ruined Karasuno's chance at participating in the fall nationals.

"Like you're trying to hate me. Because I know you can't."

Finally cracking a smile, you averted your gaze with embarrassment. "You're right."

Oikawa instinctively stepped closer. The proximity caused your heart to pound in your chest, surprisingly because you had never felt like this with him before.

"Even if we lost, I still would have felt that I won." The boy didn't need to explain what he was referring to, because you knew it was about you. It was because you were in his life again.

Trying to remain calm, you scrunched your nose. "Now you're laying it on thick."

Seeming to accept the challenge, Oikawa continued with his flirtations. "I find it strange that I usually get everything I want, but I somehow never got you." The third year laughed sadly, staring up at the pale blue sky. He had always hoped to see you again, but he had never expected it to be in this way.

"You don't even know me anymore." You said, not intending for your words to come out so harshly.

You were right. Oikawa hated it, but you were. And for some reason it made you that much more attractive. Personality wise, and looks wise. Your maturated appearance didn't help his thoughts from wandering.

He had missed your presence more than he had realized. Knowing that you were going to be in his life again gave him a strange sense of hope. It seemed that he had been holding onto them at dream since you parted ways at the end of junior high.

Your parents moved away, taking you along with them. Since your childhood friend was no longer your neighbor and you didn't go to the same high school, your friendship prematurely ended.

Oikawa wish he had tried harder to keep contact, but something told him you might be better off without him. He was going through his own troubles, and needed to focus on himself.

"I should have called you, or something... I don't know." Oikawa admitted. Though it had been years, he still felt comfortable enough around you to speak his mind.

You were the only girl he could ever do that with. He had searched far and wide to replace you, but he always ended up empty handed. Perhaps he should have searched for you instead.

"It's okay." You assured, knowing that life had moved fast for the both of you. You would never hold a grudge against him for that, being young and naive, trying desperately to fit into your new environments. It also didn't help that neither if you had cellphones when you moved away, therefore making it practically impossible to keep in contact. "We were both busy."

Oikawa knew you were putting on an act, but it also seemed genuine. To him, you had always been confusing, your thoughts and emotions so complex that it frightened him. Girls like you had always been hard to find. Ones that were able to explain their resonating so well that it caused them to reflect on their own actions and behaviors. You had always kept Oikawa in check.

But right now, the spirit that he had grown to love was barely visible. He could tell you were happy to see him, but something inside you had been wounded. Whatever it was, Oikawa could tell you were hurting. And every fiber in his being wanted to fix it.

"What happened to you, Y/N?" He asked suddenly, the look in his eyes convincing you that you had done a terrible job concealing your emotions.

Averting your gaze, you shifted awkwardly on your toes. "A lot has happened, Tooru. Too much to explain now."

You could hear the boys loading into the bus, some of them shouting your name in reminder to hurry up your conversation. You glanced back and saw that Kiyoko was waiting outside the vehicle for your return.

Smiling to dispel the haunting memories, you continued. "I would rather hear about you for now. You must be really happy that you won."

"I worked hard...I worked my ass off for years to get where I am today." He kicked a rock across the cement sidewalk. "Watching Kageyama play so well helped me realize that I had been slacking. I guess I forgot what that feels like."

"But?" You pushed him to continue.

Oikawa grimaced, and for a moment, you wished you hadn't asked that question. "Our next opponent will be harder."

It was true. Oikawa had worked hard all his life. He hadn't been blessed with raw talent like his underclassmen Kageyama, but he followed his dream, he had followed his heart.

For some reason though, as he stared at your glowering expression, he began to second guess himself. Maybe he had been doing it wrong.

"Don't give up then." You said, voice wavering with conviction that surprised him. "Whether you were born with it or not, you still have talent. There's still ways to utilize that after High-school. If you really love volleyball then you will continue."

Oikawa's eyes widened.

"This is strange coming from you, who's been rubbing off on you?"

You chuckled. "Nobody. I just know what to say to you."

You were right again. You encouraged him in the most perfect way, but you never praised him like the others. Oikawa's mother always told him to never accept too much praise, and to never get too full of himself.

You were real. You weren't fake like the other girls who only fawned over him for his looks. He would have preferred you to watch him from the stands with genuine interest for the sport, unlike the other girls who were only there for him.

Why?

Because it was the truth. And it was normal. People who work hard to get to a certain point, stop once they reach it. But that's not what he had done. He kept trying. The boy tried harder than he needed to become the best.

No matter what anyone said, Oikawa knew he had to keep trying. He couldn't let his pride get the best of him like it had in the match against Karasuno.

Just by looking his way, he knew what you were thinking. Only a girl as special as you could make him realize that. A girl that had known him from the beginning.

He laughed at first, causing your eyes to drift towards him. You didn't seem surprised, instead, you were calm. "Well, I'm glad that hasn't changed."

You smiled as your hair rippled to the side from a gust of wind. "I missed you, Tooru." The tone of your voice was filled with hope, directly asking him to make the first move, and to not let you leave without a promise to see you again.

"I think it's finally time that you gave me your number." Oikawa held his phone out for you. You tried desperately to hide the blush that was creeping along your face. Everything he did was flirtatious, yet in a way that was childish and made you remember how you used to play with him back in primary school.

After typing in your number, you handed him back his phone. The entire time, you could feel his eyes on you, studying, lingering.

"Well," you apologized, gesturing behind you. "I can't keep them waiting."

"Go ahead, Y/N. I'll text you."

"I'll be waiting." You whispered, barely audible enough for him to hear. Turning on your heels and jogging towards the bus, you glanced behind your shoulder one last time, as if you were afraid to let him escape your gaze. Times were different now, you would see him again. You were sure of it.

You flashed him a smile.

Oikawa shoved his hands in his pockets. You would never know that you had already won over his heart. You had all those years ago, and your presence within him had remained.

Then you left, hoping and praying that he would keep his promise. Hoping and praying that nobody had taken your place.

True love wasn't real, you knew that well enough from your past experiences. Yet deep down, your heart claimed differently. You could anticipate what was going to happen.

❀∙∘✿∘∙❀

Four months ago

Your hands trembled.

Your thoughts raced as you swung your legs over the railing of your balcony, gazing at the stars that twinkled brightly in the sky.

Your bare feet brushed the plants underneath you, fresh dew gathering in their crevices.

You managed to smile.

It was a quiet and beautiful night. The moon illuminated the oak trees so mysteriously, it would have intrigued you on any other night.

But right now...

All you wanted to do was forget him.

It had been almost a month since the breakup, but you couldn't seem to forgive his iniquitous mistake.

You were a relatively calm and understanding person. But his betrayal had left you in shambles. Haruki was his name, and he had cheated on you with a girl in a different class- who knew that he was your boyfriend. A girl that hated you for no reason, only because you had something that she did not.

You had never been in a situation like this. Nobody had ever taught you how to handle the feelings that came along after heartbreak.

Your supposed first love had cheated on you, yet you didn't know how to respond. How could love just... disappear? Did he ever even love you? Had you wasted the last two years of your life on him?

You were bitter, angry, and confused. Time was supposed to heal wounds, and it did, but only to an extent.

You were a completely different person now. Some would say stronger, but some would say weaker. You had been out of touch for quite some time. And now you were finally sinking back into reality.

But what made you the most addled, was that you couldn't remember his face. It made you so angry to realize that you could forget a face you had studied for so long. Your stomach felt sick as you tried to remember the color of eyes, the taste of his lips, his smile, anything... But you were blank. You had already started to forget about the man you loved, but with good reason.

You had been so lost. And that's why it hurt so bad. You had been vulnerable, you had been taken advantage of. You felt sick knowing you didn't break from his spell on your own.

You winced, partly from the nighttime breeze, and partly from the cold hard truth. Haruki was the liar. But somehow you felt like it was your fault. How could you ever trust someone like that again? You had fallen head over heels for someone who was way under your league, pouring all of your love into the relationship.

You had tried your best to make it work, you had given him everything. All of your time, all your emotions, and all of your body.

But it was never enough. Why were you not enough?

You had made a fool of yourself. You had begged him to stay, because you felt guilty about letting him take your virginity. Haruki had cheated on you, thrown your love away like it was nothing, and left without seeming to care. But the thing was, you still cared.

You could only hold yourself together around your family and friends. But when you were alone like this, your mind drifted away.

You regretted the decisions you'd made with him. You really did. You had blindly followed a boy into a destructive relationship, thinking that he could be a man. Thinking you could fix him, and thinking you could make him better.

But if someone doesn't want to change, they won't. It hurt like hell. Because that's when you realized that people always lie.

Your love was wasted on a boy who didn't deserve it.

Guilt crept into your subconscious. Though you didn't want to admit it, you felt that you had disappointed whoever you were going to end up with in the future.

You leaned against the metallic railing, ears perking up at the undertone of cicadas. They sang mindlessly into the night, like you once had.

It wasn't meant to be, and that was alright. Yet it was still painful, the memories causing tears to prick at your eyelids. You felt helpless at times like this. Why couldn't you just forget about everything and move on?

You desperately wanted to, but deep inside, something was urging for you to never forget this pain. You had spent countless nights in this very position, staring up at the stars, cloudy sky or clear.

And it finally spelled out for you. You were never meant to brush these emotions aside. Instead, you urged to hold them close to your heart. You would never forget your mistake, so you would never make it again.

You had learned, you were stronger. You were different.

You had to put on a show for far too long, masking the pain Haruki had caused you until it was too late.

Now your broken heart was already healing.

Looking up into the black sky once again, you smiled for the first time in days. Tomorrow you would be looking at the same stars through a different lens.

You were changing, while he would stay the same. That was the greatest revenge of all. You would live on without him.

That was what you had convinced yourself until your mother called you the next day, and relayed the devastating news that your brother had died in an accident.

And just like that, two of the most important people in your life were gone.

And back into the spiral you fell.

❀∙∘✿∘∙❀

Tag list!! lmk if you want to be added for the next part <33

@ardorwrites-hq-mha​ @cuddlyasahi​ @vventure @writeiolite​ @allywritesimagines​ @benewol​

[innittowinit]

Abandoned amusement parks are the best place for young children (Chapt. 3)

relationships: sbi + tubbo

Fic summary:

Techno, Tommy, Wilbur and Phil have been hanging out at the abandoned amusement park in the woods since they moved in. Techno likes knowing he's definitely alone with his brothers Tommy likes climbing on the old rides Wilbur likes having a place to play his music Phil likes spending time with his younger brothers

That is, until a group of brothers calling themselves the 'dream team' move in down the road. Will the sleepy boys give in and share the park or will they succeed in scaring the new kids off?

Chapter summary:

Techno, Wil, Tommy and Tubbo go together :) chaos ensues

Chapter word count: 2643

AO3

Games were never peaceful with Tommy around, the boy had a habit of creating chaos where-ever he went. Befriending Tubbo had probably been the most he had done to surprise anyone though, nobody expected the loud blonde to bond with the quiet Brunette. What they didn’t know though, was that Tubbo shared just the same amount of chaotic energy as tommy; they were both beacons for destruction, the fact that Tubbo liked his alone time more only made this better since Teachers were keen to partner them up, convinced that Tubbo’s good manners would rub off on Tommy.

Spoiler alert! They didn’t. Instead, Tommy helped Tubbo come out of his shell, all the energy he had kept inside was finally able to be shared with someone and that made him feel great. Tommy loved it too, he loved his brother’s but there was nothing like the feeling of having a friend who you genuinely could be yourself with. Very quickly after becoming friends, they had pretty much become joined by the hip. Not in the same way as Techno and Wilbur though, they were both perfectly fine away from each other, but if they had the chance they’d laugh and yell and play for as long as possible, loving every second of it.

“Tubbo! Watch this!” Tommy laughed as he pulled his friend into his room, pulling out a toy record player. Nobody was sure why but the kid had an obsession with the discs, most people put it down to him just looking up to his big brother and wanting to get into music too. “I got a new disc! Look! Look!”

Switching it on, the toy started spinning the plastic disc around slowly. Anyone older could tell you that the ‘disc’s’ just had little speakers at the top and a sensor that told it when to play the music, but for Tommy and Tubbo, it was incredibly real. The two sat transfixed around the little box as it played the song, Tubbo looking up to his friend with a big grin once it ended.

“That’s really cool, Toms’”

“Yeah! Mum got me it because I finished all my chores without her needing to ask me” Beaming, he popped the little disc out of the player and put it away, sliding it carefully onto the shelf. It was sweet how much effort he gave to things he really cared about, he knew he had worked hard for this and he was proud of himself.

This day just kept getting better, Tommy thought to himself as he heard his brother calling for him, spending time with them was always a lot of fun. “Hey Tommy!” Wilbur chirped while knocking on his door “Me and Techno are going off to L’manburg now if you wanna come, Phil’s still at-”

As he opened the door, Wilbur’s face scrunched up into an expression Tommy didn’t recognise. He bet he would have said a bad word if he and Tubbo weren’t there. It took a minute to mull the situation over but he quickly realised that the sudden drop in mood was because they weren’t supposed to tell anyone about the secret base!

Tommy felt a little bit like a detective, he had been able to figure out what was wrong with Wilbur without even needing to ask. Now that he thought about it, Wil was very good at doing that too, Tommy rarely had to actually ask for thing’s if he felt sleepy or sick. He wondered why Wil was so good at that. Maybe grown ups were just better at those things, he couldn’t wait till he was 13 too.

“Aw c’mon Wil, Tubbo’s good at keeping secrets! Let’s go! Let’s go!” The boy sprung up and hopped over to Wilbur, tugging on his arm as he tried to convince him. It didn’t seem to be working. Wil shook him off and folded his arms, an exasperated sigh leaving his lips.

“Tommy, it’s a secret for a reason-”

“Tubbo can join in on the secret! Please Wil! You like Tubbo!”

Wilbur shook his head and sighed, glancing to Techno, who seemed to be standing outside the door, for confirmation on what he should do.

“Okay fine. But you can’t start going off there on your own, you still need one of us to take you okay?”

Tommy nodded excitedly and ran back to Tubbo, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him up, the poor boy still not knowing what was going on.

“Tommy?” Tubbo questioned, eyebrows perking up as he grinned, even in his absolute confusion he was still happy, because Tommy was happy, and that meant something good was happening.

“We’re going to the secret base Tubbo!” Tommy practically yelled it as he ran downstairs, tugging Tubbo along with him. “We’re going and it’s going to be so fun! I’ll show you all my favourite spots! But you need to promise that you won't tell anyone, not never! Ever never” His seven year old grammar skills weren't the best but at least he got his point across.

The duo sat at the bottom of the stairs, giggling and chatting as they got their shoes on. Recently Tommy had got some good white ones with a red cap on the toes, he thought they looked amazing; the best part though was that they were big boy lace up shoes, granted he couldn't tie his laces yet but he was still very excited about being so grown up. When he had first got them, he had bragged to Tubbo for hours about how he was such an adult now because of the shoes.

After Techno tied up Tommy’s laces for him, the four were off on their way to the old theme park. It had become a habit at this point, a daily routine. If they went all day with nobody visiting it, things just didn’t feel right. For Tubbo though, the walk through the woods was definitely not a habit, it was quite frightening actually.

“Psst” The shorter boy tugged on Tommy’s T-shirt, “You sure this is the right way? There isn’t even a path here..”

“Yup!” Not recognising Tubbos worries, Tommy just nodded and gave him a grin with a thumbs up. He was far too excited to show his friend around their spot.

Tubbo nodded.

After a ten minute walk through the woods, Tommy running and skipping the entire way, Techno and Wilbur having some kind of silent conversation with their eyes, and Tubbo silently panicking about the possibility of getting lost in the trees, they made it to L’manburg.

Overgrown as ever, sign large and rusted, it stood tall among the nature surrounding it. Tommy was the first to sprint over to the entrance, Tubbo’s hand clasped in his own as he pulled him along. It didn’t take long for Tubbo to become just as excited as Tommy was as he looked around. A whole amusement park, just for them. Any kid would have jumped at the chance.

“I know all the best spots! C’mon C’mon I’ll show you!”

And just like that, the two boys had run off to explore the park. Neither Wilbur or Techno saw any reason to go after them, Tommy knew his way around and he knew which places were stable enough to climb on, what they didn’t consider was that Phil was usually around to make sure he didn’t climb too high and get hurt.

====

Tommy led the way, most coasters had a path of steps up to the first big drop, he supposed that was for maintenance. It didn’t matter much now though, to him it was all a big climbing frame.

“Tommy this doesn’t seem safe, do your brothers usually let you go up this high”

Tommy just nodded and climbed higher, loving the feeling of wind in his hair as he looked down and saw the whole park, he could even see Techno and Wil sitting in the old pool as usual, he wondered what they were talking about.

“Do you know how to monkey bar Tub?” Tommy smiled as he sat down where the steps ended, he felt the presence of his friend sitting down next to him. He didn’t want to scare Tubbo but he really wanted to show him the best spot. Not even his brother’s had seen this since they were all too heavy to climb up here, he wanted to share his spot with someone.

Tubbo nodded, grinning a little as he looked down, he was still nervous but Tommy seemed to know this place well. Plus! He could monkey bar very well.

When he looked beneath them, he saw some murky looking water, this place must have been abandoned a long time ago because a considerable amount of it seemed to be flooded beyond repair. For a moment Tubbo wondered what kind of animals had overtaken that section and then he shook his head, deciding that it didn’t matter and he was good at monkey bars so he shouldn’t need to think about it.

“Hmm okay” Tommy smiled, swinging his legs back and forth, like he was on a swing “Okay so you see that big Water tower? You only need to swing a few times before you get to it, there's a loft inside and it’s a good place to hang out. I think The coaster used to pass through it, the loft probably had like spare parts or something though” Tommy smiled as he pointed to the tower, a few metres ahead of them, then to the tracks that they would be dangling from. “Just Monkey bar from the tracks and then I'll help you into the water tower if you find it tricky to pull yourself up.

Tommy went first. Anyone would have told them to stop had they been supervised. This was absolutely not something two seven year olds should be doing. As his small body swung from track to track, Tubbo took mental notes, memorising just where he put his hands. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t scared but he was excited too, this was cool! Sliding himself down on the tracks, he felt his weight shifting between the steps and his hands. Feeling breathless, he moved across the rails, one at a time. Tommy was spouting out encouraging words for him as he refused to look down but he couldn't hear him, he was just focusing on not falling. Eventually he felt Tommy’s hands clasp onto his arms, pulling him up and into the water tower.

“Oh my god..” Tubbo chuckled, crashing into Tommy with a big hug “That was so cool! Tommy you do that on your own? All the time?”

With a nod and a big grin the taller boy hugged him back, Tubbo was good at this stuff but dangling off a rollercoaster would scare anyone.

“So this is a secret? No grown ups know?” “Not a single one.” “What about your parents?” “They think we’re at the playground” “I’ll keep it secret too then. I think this is really cool Tommy!”

…

“Yeah but these super mean boys who just moved in are trying to take it away. Wilbur killed one of them though so I think it’s done now” “Wilbur’s cool”

The boys sat there, just chatting, for hours; Tommy showed Tubbo a couple more places you could get to from inside the water tower but eventually the sun started to set and they knew it would be time to head back down.

Like before, Tommy went first with the Monkey bars, then pulled Tubbo up. The walk down was always scarier since it was so steep, even with so much practice Tommy still felt like he’d fall down sometimes. They made it though, Tommy running down the final few steps flawlessly, muscle memory kicking in as he saw his brother’s waiting for them at the bottom.

Unfortunately for him, Tubbo didn’t realise the only reason Tommy could run this part was because he had done it so many times. The brunette let go of the railing and sped up, foot slipping off the small wooden steps and leaving him to fall through the gap between the rails and the steps.

It wasn’t a far fall at all. It was barely over two metres; it was enough to knock the wind out of him though, and it was enough to scare a child.

The trio came rushing over as soon as he had lost his footing, Tommy crouched beside him, trying to be a big boy and not make a scene. If Tubbo had gotten hurt it would be his fault, he was the one who insisted he came, he was the one that took him up an old coaster. This was his fault.

Tubbo looked hurt. He had flushed cheeks, like he was trying to be a big boy and not tear up, and he had a bloody knee that he had caught on his way down.

“Tech’? You've got some stuff for thing’s like this right?” Wilbur glanced over to his brother, after Wil had thrown a rock at George, Phil had insisted someone carry at least some supplies to clean out a wound god forbid someone got hurt again. It felt stupid that they needed it, Wil knew he should have been more responsible.

After getting a small green pouch out of his bag, Techno crouched beside Tubbo. He waved his arm a little but Tubbo didn’t understand what he meant, he knew about Techno’s problems with talking, Tommy had told him about it, but he had never bothered to try and learn how to read him. It was just too hard to try and understand all the different things, they could be so subtle and mean something else entirely.

Techno furrowed his eyebrows, was he mad? Then he waved his arm again and pointed to Tubbo’s knee. Still not understanding, Tubbo started to get a little upset; he felt incredibly guilty for this, he shouldn't have been reckless, now Techno was trying to help him and he couldn’t even understand him.

“Stick your leg out Tubster” Wilbur hummed, sitting on the opposite side of him and pulling Tommy into his lap, half because the boy was usually getting tired by now and half because he wouldn’t stop moving around and tugging at Tubbo, which he was sure would make Techno’s job harder.

Thankfully, Tommy didn’t put up a fight, he just leaned his head on Wilbur’s chest and watched the scene take place. Wil couldn’t help but wonder what he did all day that tired him out so much.

Techno carried on, carefully dabbing at the cut with some kind of alcohol Phil had given to him. He made another motion and Tubbo looked straight to Wil, feeling a little embarrassed that he couldn't understand.

“Bend your knee” Wilbur placed a hand on the boy's back, trying to provide some kind of comfort for him since he was sure it didn’t feel nice having to have someone translate everything for you.

With a plaster stuck over the cut, Techno helped him stand back up, looking over him one last time to make sure there was nothing else, before putting the med-kit away.

By now it was getting dark, Tommy had fallen asleep against Wilbur’s chest and Tubbo looked like he was almost there too. There was no doubt that he and Techno would be in trouble for not bringing them home earlier, yet again.

God. Wilbur thought to himself. They really needed to Teach Tommy how to read time, if he kept going off on his own.

----

“Wow Wil, I see you brought one of them back with a bloody knee. Upgraded from throwing rocks at kids your age, to throwing them at seven year olds?”

“Fuck off phil”

[pianosmasher]

I find it... interesting that Resident Evil 8, subtitled Village, is the first to introduce vampires and werewolves to the series. Up until that point, the series had always been about biological weapons, mainly of the viral kind. As a Dracula fan, I immediately pledged myself to catch all the way up on the series in anticipation for VIII after seeing the announcement trailer in June 2020. I basically didn’t know anything about the series, as I was too young for M-rated games during its heyday (at least by my parents’ standards) and had no older cousins or siblings who’d introduce me. I didn’t even make the pandemic connection at first. All I was thinking of was how my new PS4, bought with the money I’d originally saved to go see my mom in Tennessee one last time, was slowly becoming my new favorite thing. It’d gotten my roommate through April with The Last of Us Remastered and it got me through May with Horizon: Zero Dawn. If I’m gonna make the switch from Nintendo to Sony, I may as well get to know Resident Evil starting in June.

The pandemic parallels came in much later. I’m playing them in release order, and it’s not until the second game that the characters have the time and awareness to consider synthesizing a vaccine. The characters in the first game have to figure out what’s going on as it’s happening to them, and it’s important to remember that zombies came back into popularity due to the efforts of that first game, meaning the exact nature of the threat would have come off more ambiguous at the time. The game’s Japanese title, Biohazard, holds the clue: we’ve scarred an ecosystem, and the human damage may be beyond repair. All you can do is try to save all the people who don’t deserve to be there as it happens.

Starting in the second game, I'd hear the characters talk about vaccines. I myself will reach full vaccination status tomorrow afternoon, and here I am playing games with characters who’ve killed just to get close to making one. The difference between our viruses in theirs is that we actually have some hope of curing ours, as in the world of Resident Evil, everything seems unstoppable. Momentum never seems to end once it’s been picked up - not for the virus, not for the destruction, and certainly not for human greed. The player is supposed to survive and nothing more, not live and thrive but to continuously struggle, lose, and sacrifice as they make their way through an environment that is either mastered or deadly to the touch. “Don’t get too close,” the special operatives say to their fellow agents. Resident Evil offers the power fantasy of knowing how to handle something impossible through trial and error. The horror is overcome by learning to live with it. 

At least that’s how the first three games work. Starting with the fourth, all the atmosphere, pacing, and level design keep their levels of quality, but instead serve a much more direct fantasy of power in the form of a dread thriller with a pint of action thrown in for good measure. It’s clear that our relationship with the environment had changed by the time it was released. RE4 became the blueprint for third-person shooters, but funnily enough, going back to it reveals that it’s everything around the shooter that allows the main mechanic to shine that deep into the spotlight. The characters, for instance: Leon, now a professional, is infected with the game’s new virus himself early on, and he begins to have nightmares about what it might be doing to his body. If you’ve just come off playing through Leon’s first day as a cop in RE2, this is terrifying. He is practically a special agent at this point, meaning he’s accomplished quite a lot since the last game, so his plot armor can’t exactly be thick. Are we gonna see a character in Resident Evil, a game requiring a lot of death at first, actually die in canon? 

More importantly: what does he do now that he has the virus? Is he gonna be okay? Am I hitting myself too close to home? Or is this the only piece of media that feels relevant to me anymore?

Resident Evil 5 takes place in Africa, and despite semiplausible claims of racism actually ends up being a staunchly anti-colonial parable about overcoming a world of fear. Chris Redfield finally lets go of fear when he looks over at Jill Valentine and Sheva Alomar, the two women who have now saved his life too many times to count. RE5 was built for co-op play, and its story is based around the vulnerability and necessity of partnership. It’s not defeating the big bad in a giant volcano that helps Chris live uninhibited. It’s his support network, however small it may be. (There’s even a woman of color in it). The characters of RE have always been at the forefront of the experience, but 5 at least tries to make it clear that there really are people worth fighting for out there, and ten times out of ten, you can spot them as the ones who’re fighting right there with you. 

RE6 picks up on this theme of connection, gets high on nostalgia, and plays fast and loose with tone in a sort of victory lap. I’m not finished with it but it isn’t great so far. I also haven’t touched RE7, Code: Veronica, or Zero, as I want to finish those last two spinoffs before I move on to another phase of the mainline titles. And all the while, all my gaming channels are covering RE:Village without really covering it at all. I know that Capcom is bound to have some scientific explanation as to why vampires and werewolves made their debut in the series with this game, as it’d been in development for three years prior to its announcement, an echo of the past finally heard. But still, even if we’re grading on a curve, context is context. How wild is it that a year and change after the pandemic began, a game series known for its bio-weapons turns a gothic corner and drops its original moniker? Indeed, RE:Village is also the first not to have “biohazard” on any release title anywhere, regardless of region. In truth, I can’t quite blame the publications - I wouldn’t have noticed if I didn’t sit down to write this tonight.

Would I have boarded that hype train in June if the game had kept its chemical warfare? The Last of Us: Part II, another franchise brought to me by Sony, also had its virus and pandemic in the foreground, and that’s a top ten game for me now given my specific experience with it. But then, Resident Evil is special. The beautifully detailed graphics, endearing character moments, atmospheric pacing, motivated sound design, and confrontational control schemes have all made it stand apart to me as a series. I really have no comparison for how these games have challenged me and made me feel during this time. I’ve watched Chris become a soldier, Claire become a mother, Leon become a hero, and Jill come back from the brink, all while underneath the heavy horrors of a natural environment turned unstoppably hostile. One way or another, I’m glad I met them.

This was the year everything in my life took off in directions that I could no longer follow or keep up with. I can’t describe to you how much I feel like I’ve lost, despite all the incredibly important personal work I have done behind the scenes. I realize now that there are some changes that simply can’t be stopped or unchanged, only survived, endured, and adapted to. It’s taught me that we hardly ever seek change - it seeks us, and we are offered the task to accept it or defend against it. There’s something that feels right about playing these games at this time, of that I’m sure. I find it interesting that, by the time I get to RE:Village, the franchise itself will have changed into something quite different. But with each new game I’ve crossed off my list, RE has earned more and more of my trust as a series that knows all too well how changes come and go. Hopefully I will change right along with it. 

[wits-writing]

Ultraman Z Ep. 15: “A Warrior’s Duty” (TV Review)

(Original Air Date: October 3, 2020, Director: Kiyotaka Taguchi, Writer: Kota Fukihara)

In the aftermath of Bullton’s destruction in the previous episode, a hole in space has opened and taken the form of the living void known as Greeza. Riku Asakura, aka Ultraman Geed, returns after detecting the threat and teams up with Ultraman Z to deal with the apocalyptic threat. When Geed realizes the threat is too much even for their combined power, he hands over the Geed Medal to Zett before letting himself get absorbed into Greeza to delay the monster’s destruction.

It’s left up to Haruki and Zett to figure out how they can obtain the power necessary to defeat Greeza and save Geed before it’s too late.

[Full Review Under the Cut]

“A Warrior’s Duty” in part feels like a two-parter plot in a one-part package. The first third of the episode especially has the feeling as Geed’s return, Greeza’s initial attack, and the struggle during the first fight that leads to Geed’s potential self-sacrifice feel like the beats of what could be the first part of two. The pace relaxes a bit from that point on, while still reflecting the urgency of the situation. I’m not assigning intent to any of this, as if there was a script for a two-parter that got paired down. But imagining a version of this episode where the events of the first third take a little longer and we cut right to the end credits as Haruki screams out at Geed jumping into Greeza’s void is easy to picture.

The breathless pacing makes this episode manages to stay engaging without feeling like it leaves the audience behind. Helped by the teleplay from Ultraman Z’s late head writer, Kota Fukihara, and presentation from the main series director, Kiyotaka Taguchi. In visuals especially this episode impresses with how it establishes the threat Greeza poses to the world. Its first attack is done with super imposed effects shots as opposed to the usual model work. While that might leave a less tactical sense to the destruction, it also provides an advantage in widening the scale that can be shown of Greeza’s destructive rampage. Best shown off when the monster, while fused with Geed, letting out one of the Ultraman’s “Wrecking Burst” beam attacks against the city. My personal favorite visual flourish of the episode comes from a creative edit during Delta Rise Claw’s initial volley of attacks against Greeza. It goes from a green screened rush attack that takes the fight from one side of the city to the other and seamlessly cuts into Zett pushing Greeza through a building onto the model city set for the rest of the fight.

A lot of cause and effect within the episode’s writing comes from how Juggler reacts to Greeza. We see him use his Dark Z-Riser for the first time since he made it back in episode five. He uses the Monster Medals he took from Celebro back in episode eight to become Tri/Five-King when he sees even Zett and Geed’s combined power won’t stop the terrifying creature. After their defeat and overhearing Haruki and Zett talk about how the power of Belial’s darkness could counteract Greeza’s power, he appears to Haruki in monster form to lead him to Celebro’s hiding place so they can steal the Belial Medal he made earlier in the series. Haruki ends up a more reactive player in comparison, the scene where Juggler gives him directions to drive to Celebro’s hideout working as a metaphor for that aspect of this episode. I do like the touch that Haruki gets the two new Ultra Medals he needs with the help of his mentor figures in his roles as both Ultraman and STORAGE pilot, even if he doesn’t know it in the latter case.

Celebro’s part in the episode speaks to his relatively minor role in the series overall at this point. After a brief shootout sequence when Haruki and Juggler burst into his ramshackle base of operation, he hands over the Belial Medal without much fuss. He doesn’t appear bothered by Greeza showing up as a result of him using Bullton last time, but also didn’t seem to be planning on it (which puts down my theory about it being part of a long term plan.) Celebro also laughs in Jugglers face when he dismisses the experiments with the Monster Medals on Earth as a “game.” While we don’t get much from Celebro this time, there’s more personality on display with him than before between this episode and last. His appearance also serving as the first time he and Haruki have met, though Haruki is mainly left with questions about how Juggler knew about the Belial Medal.

Once the necessary Ultra Medals are gathered, the episode gets into the Delta Rise Claw’s dynamic debut. Before they can attain the new form, Haruki and Zett use their combined effort to insert the Belial Medal into the Z-Riser when it almost rejects the dark power. Which is a nice moment of their relationship feeling more like an active partnership than it has through most of the series. The Ultra Medals for Zero, Geed, and Belial upgrading themselves because of the rivalries between their respective Ultras makes an effective explanation for why this form’s power goes beyond the others we’ve seen. The visuals of the new form’s first full appearance, once Ultraman Z rescues Geed from Greeza’s void, callback to the debut of one the senior Ultra’s forms, Geed Magnificent (which first appeared in a Geed episode directed by Taguchi.) Delta Rise Claw is the brightest looking out of Zett’s forms, contrasting well against the nighttime setting of the fight. The gold and lighter shade of blue standing out most in its color scheme. It’s bright enough that the influence of Belial on its power seems completely absent…

At first.

Throughout the episode, Geed and Zett talk about needing a “needle” to sew shut the hole in space Greeza represents. Part of the reason for Geed’s sacrifice play early in the episode being that the necessary object will have to come from within Greeza’s void. While he’s trapped within that darkness, the Belial Factors within Geed react with Greeza energy and the “needle” is created in the form of the Beliarok, a sword with Belial’s face on the hilt. Since the start of the New Generation set of Ultraman series, each ultimate form usually comes with a unique weapon to augment that form’s abilities (and sell another toy) and the Beliarok serves as that for Delta Rise Claw. It’s also easily the most ridiculous of any of those weapons in the best way because it has a mind of its own. From the second Haruki and Zett pull it out from Greeza’s void, it talks back to them and refuses to fight until they’ve given it a reason (“I’ll slice what I want whenever I want.”) Once Haruki asks politely for the Beliarok to help them shut Greeza’s void, the final phase of the fight against Greeza begins. The action set to the show’s previous ending theme, “Connect the Truth”, as they land the finishing blow.

The episode ends on a touching farewell between Haruki and Geed, who’s going back to traverse the multiverse for whatever Devil Splinters are still out there. The senior Ultraman giving Haruki his Ultra Medals since his original Geed Riser has been repaired. I mentioned it in passing earlier, but this farewell especially highlights “A Warrior’s Duty” as Haruki and Zett’s greatest demonstration of their partnership and fortitude yet. It’s an episode almost too jam-packed for its own good, while still being a truckload of fun.

If you like what you’ve read here, please like/reblog or share elsewhere online, follow me on Twitter (@WC_WIT), and consider throwing some support my way at either Ko-Fi.com or Patreon.com at the extension “/witswriting”

[musesofolive]

💡💕💢 for whichever muse/s you want to answer for! ^_^

Bold of you to assume I won’t try to answer for all! Lol

💡- What inspires you to write the muse(s)?

This is actually an answer for all of them but just because I love them so much. I put all this time and effort into them, I want to let them go out and explore the world, see new things and people. And especially for those of my muses who require character development, I want to see them grow. For those who don’t need it, I want to challenge them and their ideals to see if they still stick. And it’s my favorite part to continue on with a rp and get inside their head, it lets me learn so much more about them.

💕- Favorite ship for the muse(s)?

This is a bit hard to answer for all of them, because not a lot of them have had romantic encounters with other rpers just yet. I think my favorite for Isla so far is the one with her and Aaravos (beautifully dubbed Islaavos.) Their chemistry is just simply *chef’s kiss*! I love the way they bonded in the mirror prison and it was amazing watching them grow in their relationship and care for one another! And it was so nice to give Isla a romantic relationship that didn’t end in pain for once lmao. Ugh. Those two make my heart sing with joy whenever I go back and read the rp where it all started.

Riley, though he hasn’t quite had a chance to shine anywhere, there are two people I have in mind that I like for him. On the canon side: Viren, surprisingly enough. I think they have enough similarities between them but just enough difference because Viren does care for his family in his own weird way, and it might encourage Riley to do the same. Plus, I love the teasing flirt x grumpy one who hates it, especially when they both have trust/emotional avoidance issues lol, makes things ✨ spicy ✨. On the other hand, there is another character I’ve been developing for his story, who still doesn’t have a name other than Mr. Bounty hunter. What can I say? I love a good rivals to lovers, it’s got beautiful work for angst and again, that push to make Riley a bit better than he is. Make him understand he does have a heart in his body, he just needs to let it out of the fortified prison he’s put it in.

And then there’s Ciri, who yes is aroace, but I love the idea of her and Isla being in a QPR together. I think it would be adorable, I love their interactions so much, and they’ve already had years to build up mutual trust and love. Everything’s there, just one more step in a slightly new direction for both of them. Plus they both have pretty giant families, and two giant families combining to make an even bigger family would be so neat to write!

💢- Something about the muse(s) that annoys you?

We’re gonna start right off the bat with Riley ‘cause he’s the easiest. He’s an asshole. Plain and simple. He’s a player, a dirty, lying conman and will sacrifice you without a second thought because he’s convinced himself he has no heart nor a soul. And it’s very frustrating because you would be wrong sir! You do have a heart and soul! And they could be good if you’d just stop mentally and emotionally destroying yourself! The most annoying thing about him is that he could work himself out to be better if he would just take that leap. But he never does, because he’s ridiculously stubborn.

Then there’s Nova, and I’m annoyed with her for largely the exact same reason. Was she severely traumatized? Yes, and I do still feel sorry for that. And she’s technically trying to make herself better and heal herself, but she’s going about it in the wrong way. She thinks fixing the outside will fix the inside, when it’s really the other way around. But she’s got such tunnel vision that she won’t listen to that. And she doesn’t even realize that she’s destroying herself even further by looking for this white stag that just doesn’t exist. (Yes technically they do in Xadia I think but I’m speaking metaphorically here) But she refuses to accept that it doesn’t, because she thinks accepting that she can’t fix her appearance means she’s accepting that she’s broken beyond repair, that Dorian won, and she would rather die than admit that. Which actually makes her more frustrating than Riley because she’s so close to recognizing what she needs, but she’s running parallel to that line and I very desperately just want to give her a shove to get her there.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

An Explanation of Why Louis and Violet are Both Terrific Love Interests [2/5]

+Why both romantic routes are not only amazing but better than other games I’ve personally played in the past.

+Why some people are idiots and get off on picking stupid fights.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Romantic Option #2: Warren Graham

Uhm.... Warren’s a person in this story, too.

He, uh, he’s really nerdy. He does some science shit. He has a huge crush on Max which is made very obvious by the everything about him. Uh..... he took a fist to the face and got a black eye because he was helping Max, uhm.... he took a picture that was pretty important to the plot... um....

I literally can’t remember anything else about him.

I couldn’t even remember his last name. I had to look up his wiki to remember anything about him.

That’s how forgettable he is.

Hell, fans of the game took his character and made him more interesting in fanart and fanfics than he ever was in the game! I remember more about THAT version of him than I do about the him in the canon of the game!

I gave you that whole bit about Chloe from memory. That’s how much more fleshed out and important she is within the game than Warren is. Everything I’m about to talk about here if from reading his wiki and remembering things that way.

We meet Warren and find out that he’s into nerdy shit like Max. He’s also obviously into her and does a shit job at hiding that fact, but then Nathan comes over and beats the shit out of him because plot.

When I first played, it was pretty obvious that Warren would be romanceable, and truth be told, I liked Warren. He was fine! He’s dorky and weird, but I thought he and Max could potentially be a cute couple, and so does the rest of the school since you can’t talk to any of the girls without them implying that Warren likes Max.

I kept waiting for Warren to be important, but it never really came! I mean, you could talk to him and help him with a science experiment [in which he fucking blows up] and you text him a lot. Oh, and you can go to a Planet of the Apes marathon with him which you never actually get to go to, but the game constantly reminds you that you’re going because Warren won’t shut up about it.

Let’s see, he also sends you instructions on how to build a bomb so that you can break into the principal’s office, and then he beats Nathan up, and then he shows up and takes a picture of him and Max that ends up being important in the final episode and then.... he doesn’t do much else.

Well, okay, he does talk about Max’s powers a little bit in ep5 and you can give him a smooch or hug him or disregard him completely.

And that’s about it.

........Wait a minute.

A boy with boyband hair who has extensive chemistry knowledge, knows how to make bombs, uses said bombs for pranks, gets fucked up by one of the antagonists AND was a throwaway character that the writers threw in there to further the plot along but doesn’t really do much so the fandom took him and made him better than the game ever gave him credit for...?

.....Welp, that’s a whole thing that I’m not gonna get into. One post at a time, folks.

ANYWAY

Back on topic, Warren’s a romanceable character, apparently. You can agree to go on a date with him and smooch him. You can tell people you think he’s cute. It’s fine.  

With all that about these two choices in mind, compare Warren to Chloe.

There is no comparison because Warren’s “romance route” is... is nothing! It’s a whole lot of little things that don’t amount to much! With Chloe, Max has all this chemistry and you spend 90% of the game with her! You forget that Warren exists until you get another text from him or another character brings him up!

You know what Warren feels like? He feels like a character that the writers threw in because they were worried that players wouldn’t want a tragic wlw love story between two best friends, who reconnect and fall in love over the course of five episodes.

Which, fair, because people are idiots.

Could they have made Warren more important? Sure, but like with Skybound and Telltale, they didn’t have an unlimited budget to pack everything they wanted into the game to make it better, and that’s not just limited to the relationships, that’s clear in the endings we got. And I’m sure that some Warren stans will read this and retaliate and tell me that he’s just as important than Chloe, I just don’t understand because I’m a shithead.

And maybe that’s true, but look me in the eye and tell me that if you took Warren out of the game, it would have drastically changed the story beyond repair.

Now, what does all this mean?

Compare Chloe and Warren to Louis and Violet as far as love interests go and how they were handled.

In TWDG, Louis and Violet are fairly even.

In LIS, Chloe and Warren aren’t even in the same universe. It doesn’t matter if you like Warren more, or if you like Chloe more, Chloe got more time and effort put into her story and romance than Warren did.

Think of it like this: Chloe is at a 90% and Warren 10%.  Louis is at 48% and Violet’s at 52%, and that’s depending on how you look at it.

If TWDG did the routes like this, then Violet would’ve been way more important, would’ve have ten times as many scenes with Clementine, and if you took her out of the story, the whole thing falls apart because she’d be 90% of the plot, while Louis over here would’ve been used as background noise and plot convenience once or twice. Sure, we would’ve gotten to know him a little bit, but not nearly anything substantial and not nearly as much in comparison.

That’s what we could’ve had, okay? The writers could’ve given us a single love interest and said: “We want you to pick this person... but we’ll also throw in this other person just in case y’all are homophobic/racist/fucking stupid/whatever.”

In conclusion: We were blessed with Louis and Violet who each got an arc and love story, both of which are fairly even. 

Have I made my point yet? No? You need more examples? Fine. I’ll give you another alternative to what we could’ve had, or rather, what we could’ve missed out on.

[Note: I want to add that I haven’t played Life is Strange 2, but I know that its playable character is also bisexual and can choose between a boy and a girl to romance, but I can’t comment on how well it did because I’ve yet to play it.]

[persona 4 and the relationships you can’t have]

This one time I tried to romance my partner but he was too busy trying to convince everyone that he’s straight to even notice.

Persona 4 is a game that came out in 2008, then re-released with new content in 2012 under the name Persona 4: Golden. The game follows your nameable protagonist who has just moved in with their uncle and cousin. During his year-long stay, he becomes involved in investigating mysterious murders while harnessing the power of summoning Persona. 

Great game, one that took over my life for about a year. Great characters, great voice acting, great story, great antagonists, and great romance and romanceable characters. 

While the romance is more of a side thing depending on if you decide to take that route with one of your social links, it’s still nice to have special moments with them to break away from all the TV murder and whatnot. 

And you have several great options to choose from! You’ve got Chie, Yukiko, Rise, Naoto, and then you’ve got several other girls around the school that you can start a thing with, but they’re not as important as those core four. 

Each of the girls has an incredibly well-written story and share a deep bond with you, the protagonist. So, the reason I’m putting this example here is that the choice between all these great girls is super hard, right? 

Wrong. 

Because when I played the damn game, I didn’t romance any of them. Not because I didn’t like them or because I didn’t want my character to have a romance, but because the asshole I WANTED to romance wasn’t an option. 

Because I’m not allowed to romance the dudes. 

And that includes this dude. 

Yosuke Hanamura

Remember that pin I mentioned about how great it is that Clementine’s bi because not only does it give us well-deserved representation but also allows the player to romance both girls and boys? 

The Protagonist of Persona 4 is not bisexual. 

I can only romance the girls because he is straight. 

But not really, because MY Protagonist pursued and sought after Yosuke despite the fact that the game would not let me romance him. Which is bullshit, because he clearly feels the same way, and no, that’s not my crazy brain making shit up. 

My entire playthrough was pretty much 

I won’t get into it because Persona is a long game and a complicated one to even try and explain to someone who hasn’t played it so that’s another rant for another day, but know this: 

Yosuke was the perfect opportunity to tell the story of a boy dealing with internal homophobia, falling in love with his best friend [PARTNER] after the girl he cared about died horrifically and faced his shadow learned to accept himself and his insecurities. The potential here was wasted. 

There are a shit ton more layers to that, but on the barest of bare-bones, that’s what I wanted. 

Hell, according to a bunch of people, Yosuke was going to be a romantic option, but they scrapped it! Insult to injury, I’ll say!

Comparing this to TWDG, you could argue that Clementine only gets to romance Louis and Violet, but some wanted to romance Mitch, Aasim, Brody, ect. 

Fair enough, but what I’m saying is this:

It sucked that I couldn’t romance the person I wanted to when I played Persona, and it still sucks every time I play a game and my person of desire is unattainable. This isn’t just Persona, that’s just the first game that comes to mind when I think about characters I always wanted a romance, but that includes all the other missed opportunities from other games, as well.

The Final Season is different. 

The writers of TFS could’ve said, “Oh you want to romance Louis/Violet? Oh no, sorry, we were gonna do it but we changed our minds! But, don’t worry, we’ll leave hint after hint that they have feelings for you but you can’t actively pursue them. Allow us to tease you with the wonderful romance that could’ve been! Midnight piano lessons! Conversations under the stars! Lots of smooches! You’ll never see it in canon!”

Or, they could’ve only given us one of them, but that’s the topic of the next game. 

In conclusion: They didn’t have to give us Louis and Violet or make them romanceable. If you want Clementine to have a relationship with them, you have the option to do that, which is something you can’t say with other games.

Continued in Part 3

[magicinthestory]

One day to change everything

As the top Villain group in Japan, it wasn’t uncommon for a rival group to try to rise and take the title. As usual, that was stopped fairly quickly with only one hiccup, Shigaraki had gone missing in the fray after going after the supposed leader.

Layla sighed as she moved to look for him, freezing when she heard crying and moved towards the sound. The scene she found struck a deep chord within her very core, a pile of dust in front of a very scared young child leading her to believe that the other had used his quirk as a last-ditch effort to stop Tomura’s. His scarlet eyes widened when he saw her standing there. “It was an accident….He came at me… I-I didn’t mean too…” Layla shook out of her shock and moved to kneel down in front of him, frowning when he tried to back up, “It’s okay...accidents happen...I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.” “Oh... okay….” He relaxed but only slightly and allowed her to come closer. “What name do you go by, dear?” She asked softly, she didn’t want to just assume and freak him out more. “Tenko...No Wait master changed it to Tomura Shigaraki….” Her heart dropped hearing him mention All For One as it meant he remembered him in part. “Well, which one would you prefer to be called?” He looked down at his hands, remembering what he did to his family, “Tomura I guess…” “Okay if you are sure…” She gave him a reassuring smile. “Well how about I take you home and get you fed while I make some calls about finding-” “About finding master?” He interrupted. “Yeah, something like that…” She sighed but nodded. She stood up and offered him her hand but he shied away from it. “You won’t hurt me Tomura, I promise.” He looked up at her, He was sure she was just being hopeful but she sounded so sure of herself so he moved to take her hand. He expected to watch her decay before his eyes but nothing happened and that brought forth a smile on his face. “I told you that you wouldn’t hurt me.” “Wow, You are just like my best friend. She was immune to my quirk too” He got very excited at this discovery. “You actually remind me of her.” Layla’s heart jumped to her throat at his words. “Do I really?” She asked as she decided that flying would be better so she picked the boy up and took off into the sky. “Yeah, her wings are a lot fluffier though and she has this really cool quirk that lets her control light and heal people.” He answered her. He frowned when she picked him up but Tomura’s eyes widened as they took off. “Woah… this is so cool!” She laughed softly at his complements and his excitement. She took him higher to let him enjoy it and to avoid any onlookers. She was taking him back to the hideout, knowing that most of the league would be scattered now including Dabi and Kai who would have Anako and Rikku at their home away from the base. “I’m glad you seem to enjoy it so much, Tomura. And your friend sounds really nice.” “She is the best! I miss her but mater said that if work really hard I will be able to see her again.” He was still so excited that he missed the falter in the ex hero’s smile. ‘I guess he was right about that…’ She thought as they neared the base. They landed near the entrance and she put him down. “Now when we get inside I need you to be on your best behavior, okay? There as two other kids that can be a little shy.” “Okay, Miss….” He trailed off now realizing he never got her name. “Takami.” She smiled softly and lead him inside. He blinked hearing her name but he got distracted when he followed her inside, looking around the base. “You live here?” She nodded to him. “Yeah, we have a whole little family that lives here although most of them will be out until tomorrow I think.” She looked from the boy when two other kids came running over. “Mom you’re home!” The boy exclaimed “Oh who is this?” He asked tipping his head to look at the back-haired child with his mother. “Yes, I hope you weren’t too much trouble for Steve.” She spoke looking to the twins. She sighed softly She was a little hesitant to introduce him but soon chose to given that they rarely heard their father referred to by first name. “This is Tomura, He is going to be staying with us for a little while.” She then looked down at him. “Tomura, this is my son Avon and my daughter Nova.” The girl waved slowly “Hello….”

Layla smiled faintly but she noticed the demon in question out of the corner of her eye. “How about you two go show him around I need to speak with Steve for a moment.” Avon grinned “Okay! Do you like games? We have a lot of them! Come on I���ll show you.” He didn’t even think about it when he grabbed Tomura’s hand and drug him away excitedly. “Was that Shigaraki?” It was the first question out of the demon’s mouth as he moved over to Layla. “Yes, yes it was.” Layla sighed. “If you don’t need to rush off to Kai I’ll fill you in while I’m working on dinner.” “If you need help I’m more then happy to help, Layla.” He offered. He would never come out and say it but he knew there was a reason why she stayed out of the kitchen most of the time. “That would be great, thank you.” She then led him into the kitchen where she filled him in on what was going on. ------------------------------------- Back with the kids, Tomura was surprised to find that Avon was right about them having a lot of games. They picked one and started playing and after a few rounds, he started to get the hang of it. They played for a while and even shy Nova came out of her shell, finding Tomura’s presence oddly comforting. They only stopped long enough to eat dinner and it brought a real smile to Layla’s face to hear them all talking and having fun together. They all sounded like they were having so much fun so when they asked to go play again after eating course she let them. When she went to check on them though she barely got to the door before she caught on that they had gotten on the subject of family. “Yeah, Mom is great and so are all our aunts and uncles!” Avon answered happily. “Okay, what about your dad?” The black-haired boy asked. His scarlet eyes moved from the boy to the girl, who met his gaze with eyes he would have sworn matched his own. Nova sighed and looked down. “I don’t think dad likes us very much…He doesn’t really talk or spend time with us unless he has too...Mom says it is because he doesn’t want to hurt us like his father did him but I think she is just trying to cover for him….” Layla had to walk away after that so she could fight the ache in her heart so she told herself that her and Tomura would have to have a serious conversation once he was back to normal, this was something that would have to change.

It was an hour later when she went to check on them again, this time the scene was very different. They had made a blanket fort and all three of them had fallen asleep inside. She smiled and took a picture of the three sleeping soundly before letting them be. ----------------------------------------------------------------- When morning came Tomura was back to his normal self with yesterday’s event playing in his head like a foggy dream. The more woke up he got the more he started to take notice of the two weights sleeping soundly at his sides, using his shoulder and chest as pillows. He looked down at the twins in his arms, panic striking first that he would cause harm to them but then fading when the memories of last night came back where it seemed they inherited their mother’s immunity to his quirk. He started to relax after that, their rhythmic breathing almost lulling him back to sleep except the sound of a phone camera going off woke him again. “What are you doing, Player 2?” “I need something to prove that this moment happened next time the kids ask if you love them.” Layla answered, her words coming off a little sharper then she meant them to. “Why would they question…..Oh...” Nova’s comments from the previous night came back to him. “I do though, I would go to the ends of the earth for them I just didn’t want to hurt them.” “I know,” She sighed. “But by holding back you are hurting them emotionally. You get that right?” Tomura nodded slowly. “I am starting to.” “Good…” Layla smiled faintly. “I’ll leave you three be then…” “There is room next to Nova, you should stay for a little bit.” He suggested. “Please, player 2.” Her smile grew but she nodded. “If that is what you want, player 1” She then moved, very carefully as to not wake the kids, to the open spot and laid down there. Tomura actually smiled once she had settled in her spot before looking back to the kids again. Memories were growing clearer and a few things stuck out, he had a lot of work to do to repair his relationship with his son and daughter but the other thing was something he should have done years ago now. He spoke softly but enough for her to hear. “Layla Takami….Player 2, Valkyrie, Fallen Angel, My best friend, Mother of my children, One of my most trusted, Soul mate, The better part of me…...Yeah, Layla Takami just doesn’t fit that list…” Layla had been enjoying the silence and was half asleep when he started the list. “Oh? and what do you suggest?” “Upgrading your name.” He spoke like it was a clear answer. “I think Layla Shimura would fit a lot better. I would say Shigaraki but I know how much you destain All For One so that would be a no beside With your name with it Shimura actually sounds right again.” Layla’s gemstone green eyes widened and her wings fluffed as she heard his answer. “Upgrading my name to Layla Shimura…..” “Do you not like that idea?...” He frowned not able to gauge her reaction and actually worried he did something wrong. “No, I love that idea. It was just such a you way to ask and that makes it all the better.” She smiled at him. “Now I really want to kiss you but your daughter is between us so-” “I’ll move!” Nova sprung up, she had woken up when her mother had joined them but she had done well to hide it until now. She barely gave her parents time to react before she had moved actually pushed her father over to her mother and surprisingly not waking her brother in the process. “I guess we have our daughter’s approval.” Layla laughed softly. “It seems that we do.” He smiled before leaning in and kissing her gently She kissed him back just as gently, moving her hand to his cheek as she leaned into him. But soon enough she broke the kiss but her smile stayed. “I love you, player 1” “I love you too, player 2.”

[lackcharisma]

meta on dwight's #1 purpose in trials and how his perks could be linked to this ? :-0

Dwight Fairfield and Existentialism:

On Leadership and In-Game Perks 

One could argue that any of the survivors’ purpose is to simply do exactly what their role entails: survive. This is true for Dwight especially, right down to a stubborn, existential level that extends beyond the trials, beyond the Realm, beyond this entirely fucked up experience. I’ll certainly eventually go into more detail about how disturbing and real and deep his experience with schoolyard and after-hours bullying really went, but the main point of my bringing it up here is this: 

Dwight endured. All of it. Despite assertions to the contrary, he survived. All of it.

Now in the role of leadership? Where that comes in directly ties to Dwight’s exact experiences as the the nobody trampled underfoot; the body left behind. Part of his role—a very, VERY large part of it, Dwight personally contributes to chance, and the fact that he was one of the first. If not for firsthand experience of wandering, idle stumblings across a Realm not fully constructed for this batch of players, Dwight would not have been given any respectable leg to stand on.

Perhaps one day I will expand on the Entity’s willful knowledge of this and how It’s choosing Dwight first was neither chance nor a mistake. But let it be known that I have at least said it here. 

Dwight’s unfulfilling and unremarkable existence might signify to some that he has nothing much to live for; curiously enough, fighting for that right is all he ever does. To the Entity, Dwight’s hungry, primitive longing for life—despite having nothing—makes him a perfectly spectacular host to feed on.

Dwight is established as the ultimate example of mediocrity. He is exceptionally good at being exceptional at nothing. Nothing makes you invisible. Invisible is safe. There’s just one catch: 

Invisibility is only useful so long as there are eyes searching for what can’t be found.

One body to play dodge and weave games with the killer, and three others to get the real job of getting out done. Dwight accepts that when you’re not good at much, the best thing you can do is play the rabbit leading chase. 

And this is where his perks come in.

Now what is the purpose of a survivor’s or killer’s unique perks? How are they decided? No one knows the answer for certain, but what we can figure and understand is this: if the Entity feeds on both positive and negative emotions, then the perks and add-ons granted to the killer and survivor will most effectively tap into the individual’s emotions. 

The Entity takes the natural talents, habits, and inclinations of the individual and exponentially heightens these traits. For Meg, they are related to athleticism. For Jake, they are survival-oriented. Tapp’s perks address the grit and skill required to work as a proper law-enforcement officer.

What are Dwight Fairfield’s perks? When a man is good at nothing, what unique skills can be improved on?

Perhaps that which the individual might be lacking—perhaps what one most greatly strives for.

BondUnlocks potential in one’s Aura-reading ability.We have to work as a team, I need you to survive so that I can survive!“ — Dwight Fairfield

This is just about as meta as one can get: even beyond line of sight, the Entity grants Dwight the ability to see survivor’s auras—and let it be noted that “without his glasses, he’s more or less blind.” Despite popular assumption, Dwight Fairfield was not entirely without relationships on the other side, but they were few and far between. Additionally, he often felt even those were lacking a degree of intimacy, a sort of transparency and understanding he really searched for. To form a real, solid bond?

The Entity grants him this, in a weirdly direct and indirect way. Dwight doesn’t need to know where the killers and the enemies are—he’s always had a knack for spotting those from a mile off. Finding others? When you’re invisible, the only thing left to do around you is look around and find other bodies in the commotion.

Prove ThyselfIncreases the repair speed of generators within range of other survivors“Show me what you can do!” — Dwight Fairfield

This is especially interesting considering the Entity’s recent implementation of penalizing survivors for working on the same generator. The Entity is fickle; one must survive but by certain rules. Finish the trial too early, and the feeding It gains for a game is not worth the energy expenditure.

Prove Thyself counters this: a sort of rallying cry if you will. Dwight knows his fellow survivors and team members possess skills he does know. He knows they are tired. They are scared and bleeding. Prove Thyself, despite the name, is not Dwight’s effort to make himself appear more impressive—it’s to remind his fellow teammates what they themselves are capable of.

LeaderYou’re able to organize a team more efficiently.

Something Dwight has, again, always longed for—but consequently failed at. He failed at team sports. Group projects. Even “team-building exercises” in adult and work environments. It was not a lack of trying but a lack of other things: charisma, pizzazz, gumption. Mere appearance fitting of a leader.

Dwight’s firm perseverance and demanding of himself that he get out and survive means that he’s adapted in more ways than one. Outside of a trial, he may be a little awkward. inside of it? Inside it, he commands attention. His ability to remain unseen, to bow instead of break under pressure, and the knowledge and perception gained from sheer force of will absolutely dominates immobilizing fears. Dwight knows where fear leads you.

Nowhere. Nothing.

He’s ready to get back to something.

If—no, when—he gets out, Dwight wants to be able to say he’s earned it.

[mvndrvke-archive]

ANNABETH'S CONNECTIONS/RELATIONSHIPS.

( aka how i change shit up from canon and ruin all of rick’s hard work )

annabeth has a lot of significant relationships in her life. from friends to family, parents to parental figures, annabeth takes each relationship she has and builds it carefully into who she is as a person. i’ve split this section up into two chunks-- annabeth’s biological family, and then annabeth’s friends/other important figures in her life. 

this for sure was supposed to be all the ways she diverges from canon, but it’s so fuckin long, i decided that’s going to be a separate post altogether. jesus christ, luna. 

☆.。₀:*ﾟ✲ﾟ*: FAMILY

annabeth’s relationship to her family members is incredibly complicated, both because she ran away at such a young age and because it’s wildly inconsistent. what we see of the chase family especially is extremely different from what we hear annabeth say about them, so it’s hard to tell if annabeth was exaggerating or if things have just changed since she was little. when we see annabeth’s family officially for the first time, it’s been two or three years since they’ve seen annabeth. she ran away from home at seven, and didn’t see her father or stepfamily for three years until she returned home for a couple of weeks, then returned abruptly back to camp. she didn’t see them for another two or three years after that. her relationship with them is, at least in my interpretation, a mix of things. the damage to her relationship with especially her dad and her stepmom was done so early, repairing that was always set up for failure. i’m going to go through her family members one-by-one, so here we go-- 

*:·ﾟ✧ ATHENA ( mother ) 

annabeth was always one of athena’s favorite. while a lot of halfbloods aren’t close to their godly parents, my version of annabeth is one of the special exceptions that gets a fair amount of attention from athena. she’s clever, she works hard, she’s a strong leader and a protective sibling. she’s always strived to give athena no reason to doubt her or dislike her. however, their relationship’s grown and changed as she’s gotten older-- it’s gotten more complicated, and annabeth started to struggle. she wants to make her proud, but for the first time, they start butting heads, and annabeth really ultimately has to accept that she’s never going to be the perfect daughter, and that’s okay.

*:·ﾟ ANNABETH’S CHILDHOOD ( birth - age 7 )

annabeth had no official contact with athena when she was younger. i believe athena kept an eye on her daughter, though she didn’t interfere in annabeth’s struggles at all.

*:·ﾟ ANNABETH’S TIME AT CAMP HALFBLOOD ( age 7 - 13 )

when annabeth ran away from home, it was athena that guided her to luke and thalia. though she didn’t interfere after that, athena still awaited annabeth’s arrival at camp halfblood. when annabeth finally did arrive, she was claimed almost immediately by athena. at first, annabeth didn’t actually believe that athena was her mother-- or, more specifically, that she had a parent that wanted to claim her, and was proud to do so-- and her idolization of her mother was almost immediate. 

annabeth became her mother’s most devoted child-- she prayed to her, she left gifts for her at her altar, she took care of her siblings, and eventually became the counselor of athena’s cabin. athena showed her favor towards annabeth, and annabeth really did her best to imitate athena in every possible way she could. 

*:·ﾟ ANNABETH’S RELATIONSHIP WITH PERCY & THE TITAN WAR ( age 13 - 16 )

               “i’ve been here since i was a kid,                 i did everything they ever asked.                 yeah, i did. and for what?”

annabeth’s relationship was strong until she started to get close to percy, and everything sorta went to hell when annabeth started dating percy. poseidon and athena’s rivalry wasn’t a surprise to anyone, and was something that in the beginning in canon we can see that it really bothers annabeth that percy is the son of poseidon. but annabeth gets over it and starts dating percy anyway. 

it’s then that her relationship with athena really suffers. angry with her daughter, athena really pushes her daughter away, and cuts her off almost completely. annabeth is devastated by this, but decides not to break up with percy just to please her mother ( though in some verses where percabeth isn’t a thing, this fear/response from athena prevents annabeth from dating percy, and she eventually gets over her feelings for him ). this puts annabeth in an incredible precarious position-- luke’s left at this point, and it would’ve been INCREDIBLY easy for annabeth to take her resentment towards athena rejecting her because of her relationship with percy and channel it into the cause she’s fighting for. i sincerely think that if luke hadn’t left at that point yet, annabeth would’ve come with him when he did. 

*:·ﾟ ANNABETH’S PROMOTION TO ARCHITECT ( age 16 - present )

annabeth’s efforts in the titan war and her promotion to architect of olympus are what finally start to repair her relationship with athena. the two of them decide to make a pact that they will not discuss percy with each other, and with their differences at least ignored if not resolved, their close relationship is on its way to returning once again. while they’re nowhere near as close as they were before, athena makes more of an effort to be supportive of her daughter, even if it’s hard for her. 

even though athena is no longer actively disapproving of percy, athena’s dislike of percy still puts a strain on annabeth’s relationship with percy. she’s made a lot of executive decisions based on this that stand in the way of her relationship-- most notably, when it comes to marriage. obviously percy and annabeth are way too young still in the books, but for my version of annabeth, she knows that if percy ever asked her ( and i believe he does, eventually ), she would say no. not because she doesn’t love him, or doesn’t want to marry him, but more because she’s worried that would push her relationship with athena into jeopardy again, and she doesn’t believe she would ever approve. 

*:·ﾟ✧ FREDERICK CHASE ( father ) 

*:·ﾟ ANNABETH’S CHILDHOOD ( birth - age 7 )

               “i  never  see  you   anymore.                 come      out      the      door.                 it’s  like  you’ve  gone  away.”

honestly, frederick was just never really an attentive father in annabeth’s early years. we know from canon that he was very focused on his work and his career, and that this was incredibly difficult on annabeth. she took her father’s lack of involvement in her life as him blaming her for all of the monster attacks, and resenting being her father, which contributed greatly to her decision to run away, especially when they fought regularly about monsters putting the family at risk. 

*:·ﾟ ANNABETH’S TIME AWAY FROM HOME ( age 7 - 13 )

               “where were you when everything was falling apart?                 all my days spent by the telephone that never rang                 when all i needed was a call that never came...”

nothing was more of a wakeup call to the chase family as annabeth running away. frederick wasn’t exactly the most attentive dad in the world, and annabeth disappearing is something that just rattles him out of his intense obsession with his work/career. he knew annabeth was having trouble-- monsters were attacking on the regular, how could he not be aware of it?-- but he didn’t really think or do much about it until it was too late. 

frederick’s remorse about this is immediate. he attempts to get into contact with annabeth, and is ignored for a LONG time. he’s just about lost all hope when she finally decides to write back to him, and after a large amount of coaxing, annabeth agrees to come home and visit. so, when she’s ten, back she comes to virginia. 

it lasts about two seconds. they hit all the same problems they did before, arguing about the danger annabeth’s presence puts the family in-- some of which is projected onto frederick by annabeth, who deals with her guilt by resenting the people she thinks will blame her, or that do blame her. she stays for about a week before she calls chiron and heads back to camp. 

after she leaves, in an attempt to apologize, frederick sends annabeth his class ring, which she wears on her necklace from camp. she lets him know that she got back to camp safely, and doesn’t talk to him for another few years. 

*:·ﾟ ANNABETH’S TEENAGE YEARS ( age 13 - present )

frederick and annabeth eventually start talking to each other again. annabeth can’t really repair her relationship with her dad, nor does she want to, but they agree to try and meet every couple of months and spend a day together. annabeth introduces him to percy officially ( he’s met percy before this, but this is the Official Meet The Parents meeting ), and introduces him to sally jackson as well in the hopes that sally will be able to show frederick how to handle and support your demigod children. it doesn’t really work, but she still makes an effort. 

frederick invites annabeth home for holidays after a while. she never agrees, but she appreciates the invitation and sends presents home for him and her half brothers. 

*:·ﾟ✧ HELENE CHASE ( stepmother ) 

*:·ﾟ ANNABETH’S CHILDHOOD ( age 5 - 7 )

               “i didn’t wanna’ cause trouble, trouble.                 i’m less the player and more the played.”

annabeth’s relationship with helene is so wildly complicated honestly it’s hard to find somewhere to begin. helene got married to frederick when annabeth was five years old, and annabeth was initially thrilled about the idea of having a mom. we know a wide variety of conflicting things about her from canon that make it difficult to figure out their relationship.  annabeth remembers helene as being hostile towards her, which was deeply upsetting to her and incredibly frustrating. part of annabeth’s fear of spiders was agitated by helene not believing her, and getting upset with her for scaring her half brothers because she kept screaming. helene also got in between frederick and annabeth, trying to let frederick focus on his work instead of his children. it was from a desire to see him succeed, but to a kid as young as annabeth, it was helene being the bad guy and keeping her from her dad. 

*:·ﾟ ANNABETH’S TIME AWAY FROM HOME ( age 7 - 13 )

so how did we get from there to helene asking percy to remind annabeth that she’s always got a family there? the answer-- time. annabeth went from being a nuisance and a danger in the house to being gone completely. while helene might’ve not been thrilled with annabeth’s behavior / the danger she brought back with her, i don’t think she ever really thought of the consequences of her treatment of annabeth. it’s not like anyone expected her to run away, so when she did, it was a bit of a wakeup call that she feels really guilty about. 

she takes a step back and doesn’t interfere with annabeth’s relationship with frederick after that. she makes an effort to be kinder and more considerate when it comes to annabeth, but at that point, it’s kinda too late. annabeth’s brief return home when she was ten did nothing for their relationship, even though she made more of an effort to get along with annabeth. in a lot of ways, helene feels responsible for annabeth leaving. she also has to keep her two sons with frederick safe, though, and monsters running around trying to kill their half sister isn’t really helping with that. still, the whole family tries to get annabeth to come back, which is where we have in the titan’s curse talking to percy-- 

                     “Tell her she has a home here, will you? Remind her of that.”                              - The Titan’s Curse

clearly at this point, she’s doing everything she can to mend that relationship. at this point, though, annabeth just refuses to get along with her, or see her. 

*:·ﾟ ANNABETH’S TEENAGE YEARS ( 13 - present day )

annabeth and helene never see eye-to-eye. annabeth goes home occasionally, but there was a long time after she got back into contact with frederick where she refused to go to the house, and only wanted to see him. this is partly because her relationship with her stepfamily is bad, and partly because she feels guilty about the monsters that have made their lives harder. when annabeth eventually starts seeing the whole family again, though, she only does for short amount of time. she and helene never get close, even though helene makes more of an effort. it’s just not enough and at this point, they’re both aware of the fact that they’re never going to get along. 

*:·ﾟ✧ MATTHEW & BOBBY CHASE ( half brothers )  

there’s really not much to be said about annabeth’s relationship with matthew and bobby at all. they’re nice and normal kids, and part of her resents them for it, and they resent her a little bit too for being such a problem when they were really little ( they don’t remember it much since they were two when she ran away ), but being a constant sore spot in the family. she also never attended things like their graduations, etc., for fear of monsters attacking. they don’t have much of a relationship with each other at all, and the three of them are all okay with that. 

☆.。₀:*ﾟ✲ﾟ*: FRIENDS / OTHER CONNECTIONS 

annabeth has a lot of connections it’s a nightmare. these are her friends, mentors, romantic connections, and then rachel. 

*:·ﾟ✧ CHIRON ( mentor )

chiron’s like annabeth’s unofficial dad. he took her in after she ran away from home, and was her mentor at camp that she really latched onto as her pseudo father. annabeth holds a great amount of respect for chiron, which is the same respect she has for him in canon. 

the only place i really go off on their canon relationship is when it comes to how much annabeth is aware of.while she’s incredibly young, it’s shown very clearly that she’s one of the unofficial leaders of camp, even in the lightning thief. chiron trusts annabeth with a lot of knowledge, and i fully believe that if something was to ever happen to chiron, it would be up to annabeth to lead the camp alongside mr. d. 

*:·ﾟ✧ LUKE CASTELLAN ( friend turned enemy ) 

               “what do you do when it’s up to you to choose--                 has something ended or begun? stay or go : pick one.”

of all the people in her life, luke was the one that shaped annabeth’s life the most. i think canon did their relationship a disservice by focusing more on percy’s response to luke’s initial betrayal ( which is because he’s the main character and annabeth isn’t, but fight me ). luke and annabeth have a lot of history together. year and years of it. luke’s known annabeth since she was seven years old, she’s known him since he was twelve. they were kids that bonded in the most difficult circumstances, and as a result, annabeth is wildly dependent on luke. 

his betrayal hits her deep, and she’s incredibly conflicted as to why. simple answer: annabeth loved luke. as well as their strong platonic bond, she canonically has a crush on him ( not officially stated, but she’s blushing like a schoolgirl and flustered whenever he talks to her ), and while she says in the last olympian that she never had feelings for him like that, she did. she’s deeply wounded by his betrayal, but for mixed reasons. part of her is mad that he betrayed them, obviously, but part of her-- a part that she resents and hates-- is mad at him for not asking her to come with him. this, i believe, is the reason why annabeth denies her feelings at the last minute when she’s talking to luke. 

along with thalia, annabeth considers luke to be her first love. there was never a romantic aspect to their dynamic, it was purely platonic, but i don’t think her love for luke should disqualify him from being her first love just because it’s platonic. it’s 2019, people, platonic love is just as if not more important than romantic love. 

*:·ﾟ✧ THALIA GRACE ( friend ) 

               “and  maybe   if   i’d   been   a   little   bit  braver.                 maybe    if     i     stayed      behind     to      fight.                  but maybe doesn’t let me go back and save her.                 maybe        doesn’t        make        it        alright.”

like luke, thalia was also annabeth’s first love. they traveled together for a long time, and grew incredibly close. while annabeth doesn’t have as long of a history with thalia as she does with luke, thalia is instrumental to who annabeth became. thalia was the definition of what a true hero looked like, and her sacrifice hit annabeth hard. i don’t really divert from canon a lot here, but i will just say that when thalia joined the hunters, annabeth was pissed. she’d just lost luke, her whole world had been turned upside down, and the ONE PERSON she thought could really understand her, the one that had traveled with her and luke, the one that had the best chance of helping her bring luke back to the right side, and she peaced out to join artemis’ hunters instead. annabeth never really gets over this, and while she’s always glad to see thalia, part of her will always be mad at thalia for leaving, even if she understands why. 

*:·ﾟ✧ RACHEL ELIZABETH DARE ( oracle / pseudo-rival )

not much to say here, i just need to emphasize that annabeth’s initial dislike of rachel is NOT jealousy because she’s worried she might snatch percy away from her. i hate that, it’s catty, it’s immature, and it implies that annabeth doesn’t trust percy, which she absolutely does. annabeth is upset because rachel comes without a lot of baggage that she does, and she knows realistically that rachel would probably be a better match for percy. rachel doesn’t have a mom that despises percy because of who he is, she doesn’t have deep connections to the person that’s betrayed them to help kronos, she’s creative and pretty and smart in ways that annabeth simply isn’t. it hurts her feelings and her ego, and she’s mean to rachel because she can see in her what percy is missing because he’s with her. i’m not saying it’s mature or justified, that’s just how she approaches rachel and what makes her hostile towards her. 

*:·ﾟ✧ PERCY JACKSON ( friend / boyfriend )  

               “ in search of silver linings,                  we       found       gold . . .”

not a whole ton has really changed about annabeth’s relationship with percy from canon, but i’m going to very quickly say a couple of things about how i see it, and then establish the non-percabeth arc of annabeth’s story, since it’s not the same in all versions and i know some people don’t ship percabeth. in any verse, however, annabeth trusts percy with her life, and would do anything it took to protect him. their relationships, both platonic and romantic, are founded on trust, honesty, and loyalty to each other, and i will never ever EVER support a cheating plot with them. if percy ever cheated on annabeth, she would drop him so fast he got whiplash, and she would never cheat on percy. please don’t approach me with a bad breakup plot with them based around someone cheating, i stg. okay. let’s go. 

in the verse where they ARE together, i’ll just say that annabeth sacrifices a lot for percy. i touched on this a lot before, so i won’t harp on it, but annabeth’s relationship with percy fucks up her relationship with athena, so it’s not something she takes lightly. her feelings for percy are strong and profound. i touched on this before too but it’s important to note that while percy is annabeth’s first longterm relationship/boyfriend, he is not her first love. 

beyond this, just a couple of small things that hold true for the most part with their purely platonic verse/relationship as well-- annabeth blames herself for a lot of the pain and suffering percy goes through. she blames herself for percy going missing in the heroes of olympus series. she will never, EVER forgive herself for him coming into tartarus with her. BUT in all the situations they’ve been together in, she’s never regretted being by his side and supporting him-- she trusts him, she believes in him, and she’s sure of herself and him enough to risk a lot to be by his side. 

in the verse where they are NOT together, aka platonic-only with percy, annabeth still had feelings for percy briefly, but ultimately decided it was not worth alienating herself from her mother just to risk being in a relationship that didn’t work out. she’s well aware of the animosity between athena and frederick, and she doesn’t want to risk it all for something to end like that. additionally, annabeth is still reeling from luke’s betrayal ( again, so important to her growth, cannot be stated enough ), and her mind really isn’t on dating at the time or romantic pursuits, only on getting luke back and stopping kronos. 

i see annabeth and percy as being incredibly close and supportive of each other regardless of their romantic/platonic dynamics, so unless otherwise plotted, this is the version of her i will be focusing on. while annabeth is incredibly joking and a little outwardly flirty in her own respects, i will never force ship percabeth. unless we’ve agreed they’re dating / percy says they’re dating first, i will play her as being platonically close to him, and that’s it. this holds true for all her ships, but since percy’s her main love interest, i’m putting this out there. 

sally and paul’s dynamics with annabeth are centered around percy and annabeth’s relationship, but this, i believe, can also be read as being percy introducing annabeth as his best/close friend and not his girlfriend. this is how i’ll be approaching each dynamic here unless we’ve plotted otherwise, so. choose your own adventure. 

*:·ﾟ✧ SALLY JACKSON ( percy’s mother )

pure and simple, annabeth loves sally. she always wanted a parent like sally, and if helene had been more like sally, she never would’ve run away. annabeth embraces any time spent with sally as a break from the madness, and she’s relieved that she has a little pseudo family outside of camp that she can go to and not feel guilty for all the potential trouble she brings with her. she’s spent a few holidays at home with percy and his family, and she treasures those times and memories far more than any memories she shares with her own family. 

i will just say that while percy is missing, annabeth doesn’t know how to talk to sally. she’s overwhelmed and feels guilty and doesn’t want to scare sally, so she ignores her for a bit before being honest with her about things. she thinks that sally will blame her when anything negative happens to percy, and it’s always a shock when she doesn’t. 

their relationship sticks pretty close to canon overall, it just needed to be addressed. 

*:·ﾟ✧ PAUL BLOFIS ( percy’s stepdad )

my version of annabeth is incredibly close to paul. he’s smart, he’s fun, he’s good to sally, and is just all around a nice guy. annabeth is more than a little bit envious that percy has such great ( mortal ) parents-- she adores sally, and paul is the stepparent she always wanted. percy and sally have their own special bond, and annabeth’s relationship with percy puts her on the same level as paul, with both of them being both outsiders and insiders in the jackson family. annabeth talks to paul more often than she talks to her own family members, and the two of them exchange books and stuff. 

annabeth also asks paul for advice when she needs some parental guidance that athena’s either too busy for or uninterested in. athena and annabeth made a deal not to discuss percy or anything to do with him after annabeth’s relationship with him alienated her from her mother for a long time. so, since she doesn’t have a parent she really trusts to both understand her life and support her as a person, paul is the one she ends up turning to. my version of annabeth will hang out with paul independently of spending time with percy’s whole family, and since annabeth hasn’t really gone to public school since she was seven, paul helps her out and gets her through getting her GED and taking the SATs. they’re little things in the grand scheme of things, but for annabeth, it means everything. 

paul is one of the first people annabeth talked to about her time in tartarus. i seriously cannot express how important paul is to annabeth, he adopts her just like he adopts percy and she values and cherishes him as a person, a mentor, and just a friend. 

you made it to the end! have this gif of annabeth smiling as your prize

[bat-losers-inc]

Collisions in the Dark: (Ch 15): Ghosts

Pairings: Tim Drake/Jason Todd (one sided)

Summary: Tim deals with threats both real and imagined. Jason and Tim finally speak honestly to each other, but are they really ready to face the truths about themselves?

Chapter Notes: Ghosts: Threats created in the mind of inexperienced players due to lack of confidence or fear of their opponent.

“He, who must realize that certain losses are irreparable, tells himself at night, before the darkest mirror, that vision keeps him whole. On the verge of warm and simple sleep, they tell themselves certain loves are like sheets of dark water, or ice forest, or husks of ships. To stop a thing such as this would be to halve a sound that travels out from a silent person’s thoughts. The imprint they make on each other’s bodies is worth any pain they may have caused.” — “ Half Omen Half Hope ”, Joanna Klink

Over the next day or so, Jason and Tim moved about each other like the way a planet and a moon orbit one another, stuck in each other’s gravitational pull. They skirted around each other within the confines of the manor, speaking no words except the occasional surprised noise when they found themselves in the same room together. Every time their eyes would catch, their bodies moving neither closer nor farther apart.

They had developed a safe distance. A self-enforced silence that they carried out to maintain the uneasy peace that existed in the family. It was a lie, of course. Their silence was the blanket that covered up the strained relationships and mingled together with the heavy air of exhaustion that clung to everyone.

Each morning Tim would wake in pain, his whole body aching after a full day spent with his muscles coiled tight with tension. He kept expecting the charade to collapse, someone was going to strike a nerve sooner or later… Did they really think that this could last? Their family had never been normal, but there had been a sense of trust and unity that Tim sensed was missing now. No one seemed to know where they stood in regards to each other… not when it was obvious that neither Tim nor Jason were willing to go back to the way things were before. After all, how could they?

And it wasn’t just his family members that unsettled Tim. He was given no reprieve at night, his dreams acting out the many possible scenarios of how Ra’s could sneak through Tim’s defenses and capture him.  

On one such a night Tim was startled awake at the sensation of hands on him, grasping his arms and his sweaty t-shirt in the dark. It was too dark in the room to see more than a pair of eyes staring down at him. Whatever other features were there seemed to be obscured by the ninja’s mask. Tim twisted under those hands, his feet kicking and slipping on the sleek fabric of his sheets, struggling to shove his body out from underneath his attacker’s.

“No!” He grunted, yanking his arm towards his chest is an effort to free it from the hand that clutched it. Tim cried out louder, hoping the noise would bring one of his family members to his aid.

He freed his arm and struck up with the heel of his hand. His aim was poor in the darkness of the room and instead of breaking his nose, he caught the man by the chin, shoving his head back and away. He followed it with a strike to the solar plexus that knocked the ninja off of the edge of the bed, Tim falling with him in a heap on the floor.

Before his full weight could even fall on top of the man they were rolling in a tangle of sheets across the floor until Tim was pinned beneath the man’s weight.

There had seemed to be a reluctant quality to the ninja’s motions before, but now a nerve had been struck, or so it seemed, for the man’s touch became more forceful. Tim’s wrists were grasped together and pinned above his head. A hand smothered Tim’s nose and mouth, muffling Tim’s cries.

Tim was attempting to sink his teeth deep enough into the fleshy part of the man’s hand to make him bleed, when all at once the man released him and stumbled backwards to his feet. Tim’s eyes were still adjusting to the darkness and all he could see was the faint outline of the man’s body, standing above him.

Tim lay on his back, wondering quietly to himself why he wasn’t currently screaming or alerting his family in some way. Instead he focused on breathing, listening to his own ragged breaths mingle with the panting of his attacker’s.

After a long moment, the man turned and left, moving through Tim’s open door into the darkness of the hallway. Tim couldn’t bring himself to move back into his bed. Instead he tugged his twisted sheets over his shivering form, wondering why the man had fled.

What did it mean?

Had Ra’s called him back? Or had the ninja disobeyed orders?

It was unlikely that Ra’s would allow such a man to maintain employment in his ranks after losing Tim at the hands of traitorous men only a few days ago.

Similar thoughts kept Tim awake the rest of the night.

It wasn’t until breakfast the next morning, when Tim found himself staring at the teeth marks on Jason’s palm, that he found his answers.

Tim’s face colored with an odd mixture of humiliation and confusion.

When Jason caught Tim’s eyes lingering on the wound, he gave Tim an exhausted, ill-tempered look. Tim brought his coffee over to the table and sat down across from him. He fingered the rim of the mug as he struggled for the right words, finally settling on, “Why didn’t you say something? The other night, when you were standing there above me, why didn’t you say something to me?”

Jason collected his fork and his napkin onto his plate, making as if to move towards the sink. He stood up, and for a moment Tim’s heart dropped because he thought Jason might leave him without an answer, but Jason lingered uncertainly beside his chair.

His hand which held his empty orange juice glass, tightened until the knuckles gleamed pearly white under the sunlight streaming in through the kitchen windows.

“I guess for the same reason you didn’t cry out. Some part of me thought that I might have deserved it.”

It was like a blow to Tim’s gut. He’d forgotten that Jason knew him just as well as Tim claimed to know Jason.

Jason shifted his weight, stepping towards the sink. Seized by a sudden need to explain himself Tim stood up from his chair, putting himself in Jason’s path.

“I—”

Tim didn’t know what he wanted to say. But Jason was talking to him and Tim was too afraid that if he didn’t speak now things might go back to the way they were before. That horrible, aching silence. Perhaps this could be a start? His words, however unimportant, might act as an open invitation.

Tim swallowed as Jason quietly stilled. He seemed content to wait, making no move to shift around Tim. It gave Tim courage.

He raised his chin. “I thought that you were him… or, well, someone Ra’s had sent after me.”

Jason nodded, an almost imperceptible bob of his head. “I know you did. You’d been dreaming about him when I came in to check what all the noise was. You were crying his name in your sleep.”

“In my nightmares,” Tim stated. It felt important to correct him on that. “He’s in my nightmares a lot. So are you, sometimes. Except when I see you there…  I’m scared of you.”

This wasn’t the place to be having this conversation, standing around the breakfast table expecting someone to interrupt them at any moment. This conversation should be private, just the two of them in a room with a closed door. Tim didn’t have that luxury now, however, and he was willing to take anything he got. Damn the audience that might be listening in.

“What about now?” asked Jason. “Do I scare you now?”

“Yes,” Tim’s nails dug into his palms. “I’m scared of what I don’t know and, right now, a lot of things between us are uncertain. It’s like looking at a stranger. I know you, but not the right parts of you.”

Jason moved to the sink and placed his dishes down. He braced his hands on the counter, looking down at the contents of the sink.

Tim followed him, hovering close to his shoulder. As he lingered beside him, Jason tilted his head to look at him through his bangs. He smiled sadly. “You scare me too… What I know about you now… What I know that you could do, if properly motivated. It scares me to think that I was the cause of all of it.”

“I don’t regret it.” Tim replied instantly.

Another sad smile. Another soft, “I know.”

“Jason—” Tim placed his hand on top of his, only for Jason to yank his away like Tim had burned him. Tim let his hand hover over the vacant space before curling it into a fist and returning it to his side.

“What are we now, Jason?” he asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t think I ever really did.”

“We were something!” Tim insisted. “Whatever it was, however short lived, we were something to each other!”

“I thought my feelings for you would have gone, when I came back… when I realized what you’d done. I wanted to hate you, but I couldn’t. Not truly.”

“When I brought you back I intended to be by your side afterwards. I didn't want you to be alone, like the last time. I’ve tried to be there for you, Jason, but since we got back all you’ve done is push me away.”

Jason’s face when he look at him was full of anger. “I don't give a damn about your intentions, Tim. I care about what you did.”

“Then let’s talk. Explain to me—”

“I don't want to talk!” cried Jason.

“Then what! What the fuck do you want?” Snapped Tim viciously. He was trying to repair the damage done but he couldn't do that it Jason wasn’t willing to put in the effort.

Jason shook his head.

“I want to be alone.”

He side-stepped around Tim and left the room.

Tim sank against the edge of the counter. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the cabinet with a thump, “Fuck.”

Tim and Jason had been relegated to monitor duty while the rest of their family patrolled the streets of Gotham that night. It was the job that Alfred usually performed from the secure confines of the cave. Monitoring police activity, calling in reinforcements, preparing the infirmary for injuries at the end of the night. Bruce and Dick could talk it up as much as they wanted, but it didn’t go unnoticed for what it actually was. House arrest. Whatever objections they posed to Bruce, however, fell on deaf ears.

“You don’t need two people on desk duty,” objected Jason.

“Fine.” Dick leveled Jason with an annoyed glare as he pushed his escrima sticks into their holsters. “If you don’t want to watch the monitors, you can take tonight to train.”

He shoved a pair of boxing gloves against Jason’s chest. “No doubt you’re a little out of practice.”

Jason caught them in his hands before they could fall to the cave floor, glaring at Dick over his shoulder as he moved towards the exit.

Tim called across the room, “Why don’t you just call it what it is, Dick? We’re not stupid you know.”

Dick turned, fixing Tim with a look that made Tim want to turn around and walk away. He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Dick look so fed up in his life.

“I know, that you know, Tim. I just thought you two were old enough to suck it up and deal with it. So here’s how it is… Jason just died, so he’s not patrolling tonight because we kinda want him to stay alive for a few more days before hurling him back into life-threatening situations. And you, have a stalker with an army at his disposal hunting you. Not to mention that you also just blew your fucking lid at Bruce two days ago and he’s now questioning if he should be benching you until you’re mentally well enough to patrol. Okay? So yes, we’re putting you to work in the cave. I know it’s not glamorous, but as least you’re still taking part in patrols. Be thankful!”

Tim remained silent, too shocked to do much else after such an outburst. Dick stared at him for a moment longer before gathering the last of his gear and heading out. Not long after, Bruce and Damian were speeding out in the Batmobile after him.

Tim sat down in the leather chair positioned in front of the monitors. Eventually, Jason took the seat next to him.

There was only so much work to do, however, and many hours to a night’s patrol. It wasn’t long before they found themselves staring at their own individual screens, the silence stretching heavily between them.

Dick, Bruce, and Damian would be heading in from the city soon. Tim and Jason’s presence in the cave wasn’t necessary at this point. Still they sat there. Tim thought that perhaps both of them were willing to stare blankly at a monitor if it served as an excuse not to talk to each other. After another half hour passed in this fashion, Tim found it impossible to bear. Not only that, but the entire afternoon following their talk in the kitchen had Tim’s thoughts spiraling in circles. He understood, on some level, Jason’s reasoning behind Tim’s decisions following his death. He understood Jason’s moral objection to it, but Jason had to know that what he asked of Tim was impossible. He had to know the irreparable damage it would have caused.

Tim turned to look at him. Jason’s head was propped on his hand, his fingers drumming scales on the tabletop in front of the keyboard.

“Do you really hate me so much for what I did?”

Jason’s eyes flicker to Tim, but his head stayed facing the screens.

“Yes, I really do.”

Tim sighed. “You couldn’t really have expected me to just let you die like that after—”

Jason turned and snapped at him. “It was my dying wish, Tim. You disobeyed my goddamn dying wish! How the fuck could you think I wouldn’t be angry about that?”

“Disobeyed?” croaked Tim. “I don’t take orders from you, Jason!”

Jason turned his chair. “Well, obviously not!”

Behind them the cave doors opened and the Batmobile roared into the cave. Tim stood, shouting to be heard over the roaring engine.

“You died! You left me alone in a field with a dead body and a madman hunting me. You don’t get to judge me for my decisions and I won’t apologize for my actions!”

Jason stood with him, ignoring the stricken looks they were receiving from their family members.

“And I won’t either!” growled Jason. "I am allowed to be angry! You're not God, Tim. You don't get to decide who lives and who dies. I won’t apologize just because my feelings aren’t what everyone wants them to be."

"What I did, I did it because I love you, Jason!"

"No.” Jason stabbed at finger at him. “What you did was selfish and cruel. You brought me back against my will. You made me go through that, again, because you're terrified of losing someone else. I don’t know if you’ve ever thought of this, but not everyone wants to be alive!"

Jason panted hard from the fury of his words. His hands were trembling.

He shook his head, as if coming to a sudden conclusion. “I can’t stay here anymore.”

Jason shifted past Tim's stiff form, standing rigid before his chair like he’d been glued to the floor.

Tim watched Jason grab his duffel bag and his coat, stuffing in contents from his stash of clothes and weapons in a hasty fashion.

"I'm selfish?" Tim stared at him in disbelief. "I'm cruel?"

Jason spared Tim only a glimpse of his profile before he headed past him towards the stairs.

"How dare you! " Tim shouted at his back. "How could you possibly know ? ”

Jason's back stiffened, his foot stopping on the first step of the stairs. He let his foot slide back down to the floor and turned around to face Tim.

"Don't try to make this like it's my fault, Tim. It was you who brought this on yourself. Take some responsibility for your actions, for once."

Tim laughed and it rattled the ice in his veins. "Says the man who's never around to own up to anything."

Jason squinted at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Dick shifted in the corner of the room, on edge. "Tim, don't—"

Tim talked over him. "Where are you when we need you? You’re always the one who dies, the one who leaves. You never have to witness how this family breaks during a tragedy, but I do. I'm the one left to pick up the pieces, to be rational, to be in control. All the time. You call me selfish for bringing you back, but I call it keeping my family together. Sparing them the pain of losing you, again."

“That’s enough, Tim.” said Dick. The force of his voice betrayed the urgency of the situation. He knew how harsh Tim could be if he let himself. Tim knew how to make his words hurt.

"You call me cruel, Jason, but you're the one that let me love you. And then, you tell me to let you die? You ask me to bring your body back to them and watch them fall apart a second time? With them knowing that it's my fault? That I was the one who killed you."

Tim swept his hand towards his family, to Dick holding tightly to Damian's shoulders, hard enough that it might be hurting him even with his body armor. It didn’t matter, Damian wasn’t going to call attention to it either way. Tim motioned to Bruce staring quietly between them with a pained expression, which reflected how he thought he'd caused this pain that Jason and Tim were feeling. That he'd put too much onto their shoulders.

Tim curled his hand back towards himself and clutched it against his chest.

"And not only that, but you would make me stay here—" he stabbed a finger down at his feet. "— with their hatred and their sorrow. You’d have me live with a family that is disgusted by me, by my ineptitude to keep you alive— they would never say it, but I would know all the same. You would have me live like that, instead of letting me go to Ra's al Ghul?"

Tim’s chest hurt from the deep ache that had been pounding away at his ribs for days now. Since that morning in the field when Jason made him promise not to bring him back.

"You wonder why Ra’s is such a temptation for me, Jason? It's because I'm not the one in control when I'm with him. That whatever happens, I won’t be held responsible for it because he can overpower me both physically and mentally, with ease. That feeling is terrifying and tempting all at the same time. I've worked so hard to be my own hero, but I am so tired of living with the fact that my actions keep killing my friends and family. I hate that I like it, that loss of power, when I'm with him, but I'd be lying to myself if I couldn't admit that it's true."

Tim pointed harshly at Jason. "It’s you, Jason. You’re the selfish one. You asked something of me that I wasn't ready to give. There were so many reasons for what I did, but yes, you were right. I also did it because I love you and I'm afraid of losing you."

The silence hung heavily in the air after he’d finished. Water dripping from the cave ceiling echoed loudly throughout the cave. Then finally Jason walked toward him, his eyes wet at the lashes. He cupped the side of Tim's face and Tim couldn't help leaning into his touch. He felt starved for Jason's kindness, snatching at whatever he could get.

Jason's voice trembled when he spoke. "I understand, Tim. I do. But you hurt me, so bad. I can’t even begin to tell you how much. I do feel for you and I want nothing more than for you to be happy, but I don't know how to trust you anymore. And if I can't trust you then I can’t... I'm sorry. I just can't."

He yanked his hands away and hurried up the stairs, wiping at his eyes at he went.

“Jason, wait!” Dick called after him. Bruce stopped him with a tight grip on Dick’s arm.

Dick stared at him, a silent plea for Bruce to let him try to fix this. That was Dick… always trying to make everything better.

Bruce simply shook his head.

Jason never finished his sentence, but Tim knew what he was going to say all the same. If he can’t trust me, he can’t love me.

And in that moment Tim knew that it was true. He might have lost Jason for good.

Tim’s chest hurt so badly that he felt as if he couldn’t breathe. He braced his hands against the table, staring down at it as he tried to get himself under control, to keep it together… he realized in that moment that Jason had done the exact thing Tim had just accused him of always doing. He’s not here and Tim’s still the one who has to keep it together. Around and around it goes, but nothing Tim did could break the fucking cycle of death, responsibility and loneliness.

Tim screamed and slammed his fist down against the table repeatedly, watching his knuckles split and bleed. Blood splattered onto the keyboard. Dick was behind him in an instant, yanking him away before he could hurt himself any more. His arms were like vices around Tim’s own, pinning them to his sides. Dick took his weight as Tim crumpled into him, sobbing.

“It’s going to be okay, Tim. I promise.” Dick whispered against the top of his head.

“No, it’s not.” gasped Tim, eyes finding Jason on one of the monitors as he walked out the front door of the manor. “I gave up everything to be with him and I’m right back where I started.”