#and it was gay & bi men who helped me find the confidence to live how I want despite stigma!

[baravaggio]

yo im a dyke but ur rbs make me think sm more critically of sexual politics and queerness i love bisexuals i jst wanted to lyk ur like a celebrity or a sexy philosopher to me. long live bisexuals from lesbians we love u guys!!

this is so so sweet omg I’m really touched 🥹 love to all lesbians now & forever!!

[leam1983]

Halfway Through Pride Month

Happy Ongoing Pride!

And, also, happy Men's Mental Health Awareness Month, too - but that tends to be rather overshadowed. As a bisexual man who's needed about half a year in therapy to get out of a post-postgrad funk, both causes are equally important to me.

Hug the important men in your life, be they gay, straight, bi, poly, transmen - whatever and however. Hug them. So much is expected of men, so many have a laundry list of the things they'd like the men in their lives to do - but so few understand just how toxic life tends to be for us, as well.

We need to be strong, to be expressive, to be self-confident - but we can't show weakness. We can't let a pacifist's outlook turn us into weaklings, according to some. We have to provide, protect, dominate, survey - and still manage to come out of it whole and hale enough to be emotionally available and vulnerable in just the right measures to be that "sensitive" man so many people idolize.

It's a paradox, obviously. The ideal man has the psychological consistency of oobleck - mushy at the right times, stern at others - both assertive and punchy and always, always gentle. It doesn't make much sense, obviously.

The human mind isn't a Non-Newtonian fluid; it's built through knowledge and conditioning. We're not goo, we're basalt pillars, with layers constantly falling apart and revealing more underneath; until you reach the point where there's not enough mass left for the pillar to sustain its own weight.

Unlike basalt pillars, though, we tend to be able to build ourselves back up before we collapse, with some help.

Help that not all of us receive. Or not in time.

Remember, guys have years of conditioning plastered onto them, cues that make us think that showing weakness is a burden. Even if you find that one guy you want to help, chances are he's going to try and brush you off. Not because he feels the need to look tough, but because it's how we've been taught to show that we care.

For most guys, caring manifests through self-effacing, and tears are an act of presence. So, no tears. The uncried tears fester, turn into not-so-kind words. Into ruined relationships, or maybe even broken lives. Or if you're luckier, the uncried stuff turns into bad habits, unhealthy coping mechanisms, blood pressure pills at an early age, an expanding waistline - the list goes on.

So cut through the bullshit. Find that guy who needs help and let them know they at least have a choice, as far as you're concerned.

From where I'm standing, looking at one of my two partners who's had to undergo therapy to finally bury demons from his past and find the courage to live freely, crying your guts out like you're six years old again and dribbling snot all over your partner's favourite tee-shirt is, in today's society, the single simplest and most effective proof of courage any man can display.

Empathy is strength. Self-care is self-empathy. You do the math.

Let yourselves feel - and remember to help others.

[kikimochiiiii]

My personal take on MDZS kins based on what I've seen (which is almost nothing)! Understand that this'll be very biased n uninformed, but it's just for fun and I cherish all kins! Please and thank you!💕

WWX: Fiercely protective over their homies/mother bear type; Live for the drama though, so they WILL pitch homies against each other; They will state that their opinion is ALWAYS right to assert dominance; They never feel silly enough; "What do you mean people don't have a bi panic every 20 seconds?"; The life of a party, for better or worse

LWJ: They are very accomplished and orderly; But ask them about that and they'll say that they hate how boring they are; They can recite all of their unrequited loves in detailed, dramatic stories; They have at least 1, if not multiple crushes where they hate the fact that they love them; once they hyperfixate on one thing, they'll never be able to tell you anything about anything else; Shy n sweet, we protecc

JC: "I HATE THAT I KIN THIS MAN, YOU DONT UNDERSTAND-"; Their family sucks so much and they absolutely deserve better; They always want affection but can't help but act grossed out by it; will fight WWX kinnies in a gas station parking lot; prayed to all the gods to be asexual because they hate hormones, but they couldn't be more thirsty; have killer fashion that makes everyone double-take; A fierce, chaotic beauty ppl don't forget

JYL: The mom friend; Is always the therapist/advisor/caretaker/friend/mom for everyone else; Girl, are you okay? You are overworked for real; Wishes they could be intimidating once in a while; LOVES ALL THE GIRLY FEMME AESTHETICS; "I'm so average TT TT" (is actually talented in so many areas wth); everyone is protective over them and they don't know why, but they like it💕💗

LXC: Oh my gosh, ARE YOU OKAY-; Have an emotional wall higher than Mt. Everest; The person with the most propriety; Perfectionism is their worst enemy; Have definitely dealt with toxic friends in their life, so please handle with care; the best listeners; Extremely artistic in some form or another; Are kind to all other kinnies, but will bloody take a bullet for JC kinnies on sight; No one shall ever know their music playlists...

NMJ: "I am who I am, and don't mess with me"; If people aren't genuine with them, they can't stand it; An open book at all times; Their face WILL show what they are feeling; They are just aiming to find a himbo or cute twink for their love partner (or both!); generally nice, but can whip out insanely painful insults, so don't test them; They are confident, and therefore, they are H O T

JGY: GOSH, WHY ARE THEY SO PRETTY??; Definitely were the reason for someone's bi or gay awakening; soft aesthetic e v e r y w h e r e; "A-Yao never did anything wrong!🥺"; Will 100% not snitch on you if you give them a favor or are just hot; Are all about optimizing their situation, if you catch my drift; They are the most loyal of loyal friends if they cherish you💗💕

NHS: "I was born to be petty."; They can recall everything they have a grudge against in worryingly great detail; They will exact revenge on you, so be nice; They have the absolute maddest make-up skills; Work in tandem with WWX kinnies to make chaos, but take a backseat more often; Either habe the highest standards or none at all with no in-between; Bring them to ALL of your sleepovers

WQ: Queen energy 24/7; "I fUCKING TOLD YOU SO-"; They are forever suffering from the incompetent, irresponsible people around them; They have dealt with creeps thirsting after them, and they all wound up missing, oops-; Will be a full-on bodyguard for JYL kinnies and MM kinnies on sight; They just hate men in general; Extremely smart and/or street smart

MM: Also constantly suffering from idiots around them; They are so pretty, but very modern n with the trend when it comes to fashion; They are so stable and sure in themselves, we love to see it; Definitely witnessed friends go through VERY cringe romantic relationships; Doesn't talk much in a group context, but if you start talking with them, they are an awesome friend💕💗; When protected by WQ kinnies, they'll insist that they didn't need up, but they'll secretly like it👀

WN: Classic shy and sweet TM; People were absolutely attracted to them before because they thought they fit a trope, and it was deeply upsetting to them; They are SO INDECISIVE; Their fear over making core decisions is immeasurable; They have an intense fear of emails; "Please don't perceive me..."; Can pop off when defending a friend, and it's very hot of them

XY: "Okay, but like, I'm just saying...a pocket knife would be good for self-defense because-"; They joke about concerning things in discord vcs at 3 am that everyone mutually chooses to ignore; Are adorably extroverted; "Omg you like candy too?! LETS BE BESTIES!!💕🎵"; Are oddly sweet considering they relate to Xue Yang; Definitely tried the goth look once, but they still looked like a cupcake; The hugging type of friend; Occasionally bratty for attention

SL: "Why do all these people lack common sense?"; Had 1 (one)(uno) crush and then never liked anyone ever again; Everyone calls their lifestyle dull, but they just say that they value consistency; You have to plan a meet-up with them 2 weeks in advance or else they will PANIK; Their form of love is helping you manage your finances; Are actually quite mature and wise once you get them talking

XXC: YOU ARE SO PURE, WHY ARE YOU ON THE INTERNET; Weirdly aged and ageless in personality; Also the mom friend, but they aren't burnt out, unlike JYL kinnies; Wear super cute, oversized sweaters, I don't make the rules; sweater paws HNNG; Sometimes a bit out of the loop, but they're doing their best; Jump around in a conversation; Found family is their absolute jam; An extreme empath, so they have to protect themselves from too much depressing stuff, like the news

Okay, that's it for now! I just picked out some of the MDZS people that stood out the most to me for now bc man, this is long, but lemme know if you want my take on any other MDZS character!

[mueritos]

Is it wrong I am afraid of gay men as a gay trans man? I feel like I look disgusting to them and I’ll never be what they expect me to look like. What parts I lack that they find ugly makes me dysphoric. Idk if it’s just me but I feel like gay men r sometimes transphobic

What you are feeling my friend is an insecurity based out of survival; this doesn't mean your insecurity is irrational, only that it is based in real life traumas that make you hesitant to reach out to gay men. Cis gay men have their own rituals; the community is largely fatphobic, ableist, racist, "hypersexual" (i say this because while hypersexuality is a queer issue, having lots of sex is NOT a reason to pathologize/shame queer people), and transphobic...but this could also be said about the lesbian community, the bi community, etc and etc. Dominant voices in each community distort the true diversity of those communities, and they don't allow you to see the parts that have been made for you too.

I have found to be seen as a man and admired as a man by various queer men, cis or trans, white or Black, etc and etc. Neither of them had any particular trait that made me feel threatened as a trans person, but I also have found it very easy to weed out the gay men who have their own ignorances to get over. I have actually faced more transphobia from insecure gay trans men than I have from cisgender gay men; figuring out red flags is just something you get used to as a marginalized person. Am I trying to paint a picture that gay men everywhere are evil biological essentialists who are disgusted by vaginas? No, but those gay men do exist. But guess what, there also exist gay men who do not give a shit about bodies or abilities. There are gay men who have sex with women and butches, and there are gay men who only involve themselves with masculine/male identified men. Sexualities are fluid. There are lesbians who have sex with men, and there are gay men who have sex with women. This isn't to say you are a woman; this is to continue proving that there are fluidities and nuances to people's attractions to people.

Gay men aren't the only people who are transphobic, but I imagine theyre at the forefront of your mind because you want to find community in gay men. And you can, and you have. Even if you do not feel like you have a community elsewhere, you do on my blog. There are also gay men out there who are waiting for someone like you to come into their lives. My current partner is a cisgender gay man who had never met a trans person in his life before me, and he has been the most compassionate lover I've had. Being T4T is an option, so don't be afraid to explore that.

I also want to point out that in order for you to feel some confidence, or at the very least, some neutrality about your body in relationship with gay men, I suggest stopping referring to your body as "disgusting" to others. The more you say this, the more you'll believe it. Your body is not an expectation; your body is a body just as much as anybody else's. Removing that expectation and those feelings of disgust from your body will help you understand that you can exist outside of certain contexts as your own person, and that you have agency over your body. Navigating dating as a trans person can be cruel, but your body is never your fault. Dating makes the body and self vulnerable; if you're not what somebody is looking for, focus that energy spent worrying about that on finding someone who you're looking for.

My final note would be to find queer positive representations of the communities and relationships you are looking for. Without those, I would not be able to visualize or realize that I could be a gay man who loves other gay men. You need to allow yourself to feel whole as a gay men, you need to allow yourself to feel your attraction to men, and you also need to let yourself feel that shame before you can work on it. I know how it feels. The shame is still something I struggle with, but it is something (being a man with a man) that is possible for you.

I hope this helped. I wish you luck my friend.

[lavenderfeminist]

See this is why I wish we as feminist would just admit that sexuality is never rigid. It’s literally not I don’t believe in absolutes. We are all technically bisexual it makes sense for evolutionary reasons. I know you will probably disagree with me I am not saying we should drop the label of lesbian but as radfems we should atleast admit sexuality is pretty fluid and being a lesbian is a choice. As you said you feel neutral toward men they are repulsive towards you and that makes sense because no one person is strictly homosexual. Lesbians even admit to finding men attractive. I actually think you and pussyfiend are proving what lesbian feminist have always said that female sexuality is not strict.

Can bisexuals just. Leave homosexuals alone. For once. I’m confident this is bait but the fact is that no other gay person would be remotely tempted to send me this shit. Of course you think sexuality is fluid when yours is.

Newsflash: I’m a lesbian before I’m a feminist. I will always be a lesbian before I’m a feminist. Feminism is an ideology; it helps define my principles and shapes the choices I choose to make and the way I choose to live my life. I don’t know how many times gay people have to scream this at you, but being gay is not an ideological decision. I could be the most repulsive misogynist in the world and I’d still be a lesbian because it’s simply a neutral descriptor of what I am and I’ve never had a choice in the matter. Most gay people know that fact excruciatingly well because at one point or another in our lives we’ve tried to choose differently. Lesbianism is the word to describe why I am only capable of choosing, of consenting to be with women. Pursuing a man, being with a man would take fighting against my brain and every bone in my body.

Can you imagine if we told straight women they couldn’t be straight unless looking at other women immediately made them want to vomit? If I hate men it’s not because it’s an inherent part of my lesbianism, it’s because of the way men have treated me for being unable to be attracted to them. “You don’t think all men are equally hideously ugly but being anything more than friends with one would make you want to kill yourself, you must be bi!” You are all desperate to tell lesbians how we must secretly, in some hidden part of us, like men. It doesn’t exist. I know because I tried to find it and I would have broken myself in the process.

“Lesbian” feminism is so homophobic it makes me seethe. The fact that I must resort to calling myself a lavender feminist because homophobes took our word to brand lesbianism a ~feminist action~ is sick. You and every other radfem who defends it can either get your head on straight, or die.

[whysojiminimnida]

Hello. First of all, I want to say that your blog has been my happy place. You are so smart and funny. Your posts make me laugh and think and change my perspective. Second, I’m a Jikooker. Not a minor nor an anti. Your recent post about haters sending you multiple asks made me understand why you can be defensive and cautious. It must be difficult for you. I didn’t truly realize it before that post of yours… Thank you. There is one thing I wanted to ask you for a very long time though… How is this an argument that 24-25 year old men can’t be attracted to minors? You know, that sick self-insert fic with V you wrote about and Jungkook with the dancer girl. I don’t say THEY are attracted to minors! But men? I WISH it was true. To me it is wishful thinking. I don’t know how to say it in English correctly. I was given to my |soon to be ex| husband of 11 years older than me at the age of 16. I was tiny, weighed nothing, only wanted to play Sims. It’s not America, Eastern Europe. Everyone around us was in awe. Not a single person in our large social circle doubted the age difference. Men are very much attracted to minors both physically and mentally. Mentally is probably the worst. To be honest, reading that men who like 18 year old girls are predators hurt so much that I consider leaving the fandom. I do agree that such men ARE predators. But this point of view is applicable in very few (better) societies. I want to believe that BTS are outstanding in every sense of word and won’t be interested in relationship with a minor. Including Jungkook. But most of the world won’t see a 24 year old man interested in a minor girl as a predator. It will be a freaking LOVE story. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry when I read about this. It’s just not an argument for me. I just hope that BTS won’t be like 90% of men… I tend to believe that Jimin and Jungkook are together, but if you ask me, I will say that a 24-year old man can totally be attracted to an 18 year old girl.

Hi anon :)

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It’s important that we learn cultural and societal differences so we can be better to each other.

The idea of you being given away makes me sad and angry for the girl you were then. That just have been very weird and kind of scary and I’m sorry you went through it. I’m glad you’re grown up now and able to end your marriage. Healing takes a long time but I feel confident that a smart, strong woman like you are can heal, if you feel that you need to.

Honestly I know it’s very possible and in many places it is normal for age differences of five, even ten years. And even in the US girls are allowed to marry as young as twelve with parental consent (in Massachusetts, anyway).

Thing is, anon, in the US, the same girl allowed to marry at 12 with her parent’s consent would be considered a rape victim if she had sex with even a 16 year old without marriage - because of the age difference. And because marriage is the one place girls can still be assaulted and kept as slaves legally.

I hope that your marriage didn’t feel abusive or awful to you. If it did, I hope you know that I don’t believe any of that was your fault, and that you can look for help if you need it. If you do want some resources for help as you start your life again, feel free to DM me and let me know the country where you live. I will help you find any help that you need.

But. Jungkook is not interested in Nain as a romantic partner. Age is a much bigger issue in Korea. Even a younger twin must use honorifics with their minutes-older sibling. More than three years’ difference in couple’s ages is unusual there. Six or seven is well outside the norm.

But that’s not really why Jungkook isn’t interested in Nain sexually. He isn’t into her like that because he’s gay and in a committed relationship. Even if he’s bi (which I doubt, but it could happen) he’s with someone (cough Jimin cough) and I just have never seen him express actual interest in a girl of any age. Ever.

So while it is possible and in many cultures acceptable for grown men to desire and even marry minor girls, that is not the norm in Korea. And even if it was, a guy has to be into girls in the first place. JK isn’t.

Again, thank you for sharing with us. I’m sorry if I made you feel weird at all. Here’s a hug if you want one. And if you don't want one that is totally okay too so just in case here's also Sasha Trusova giving the Olympics (and Eteri and also men in general) the finger.

a hug for anon but only if you want it

AND because we all kinda feel like Sasha sometimes

the "I don't care if I'm at the Olympics, just fuck all of you" finger. Sasha Trusova is a relatable queen.

[moonandseas]

Stranger Things Thoughts

IDK. Maybe it’s because I am an ~elder millennial~ and I remember a bit of the eighties and early nineties, but I can’t understand the queer communities utter hate and disdain for what went on with Will and Robin this season.

Spoilers ahead of course, and bear with me, it’s long.

I am a queer person myself and I related to their struggles so much. I think people forget, especially since so many are younger on this site, that in the eighties and nineties, coming to terms with sexuality, especially in smaller towns was so fucking hard and scary. Hell, I didn’t feel comfortable coming out until the last ten years because of strides made, I only confided in super close friends and family.

It was during the AIDs epidemic, homophobia was at a pinnacle. It was a terrifying time to be anything other than straight and white and male. (Hmm, sound a bit familiar? Sadly.) I feel like people forget that even though this is a sci-fi/fantasy show, they also based things very much off the time it is in and the 80′s was not kind to queer people.

I mean, I remember in 1998 a young man was violently beaten, tortured and killed. His name was Matthew Shepard. Young, closeted me was terrified, and I had people around me saying it was justified, like...that shit sticks with you. Yes, horrible things still happen now, but we have a better support system.

Will is a young teen, living in a society where gay men and women were threatened, beaten or even killed, especially in smaller towns. His own dad called him a queer, he was bullied for being different. Can you blame him for thinking there’s something wrong with him, when people told him there was all his life? And then his friends develop crushes on girls, and he feels even more ostracized. So yes, he’s scared and worried and coming to terms with who he is, and hopefully he gets to grow and expand with his family now. Yes, him feeling these things hurts, yes crushing on a straight friend hurts, and while it hurts and makes us feel awful--it doesn’t mean they aren’t things that happened and do still happen to queer characters. He doesn’t have the internet to rally around him, he doesn’t live in a city with clubs and groups. It sucks, but it is a reality. It doesn’t mean he can’t or won’t find happiness. He’s processing, and with love and time and less TRAUMA he can come to terms with his feelings and find his happiness.

Will’s crush on Mike isn’t a bait, it’s coding, him coming to terms with feelings and trauma he yes yet to process. Him being a ‘development’ for El and Mike’s relationship? It didn’t feel that way to me, I guess, it felt like Will coming to terms with the fact he loves a straight friend, and while crushing is better than him dwelling on someone he’ll never have.

I guess, at least to me, it felt like it wasn’t until THIS season and him moving away did he maybe start coming to terms with his sexuality since he had some time to NOT be traumatized and derailed by the Upside Down.

And I think most of us who have had crushes have maybe had one or two on a straight person, and it blows, but it doesn’t make our feelings any less valid.

Same for Robin, she’s not completely out, she luckily has support and as she gets older finds more confidence and understanding, and yes it sucks she’s crushing on a girl in a relationship--(also, you guys assume Vicki can’t be bi or something, that’s another rant) --but it doesn’t mean her arc stops there.

It was the 80′s, queer people existed, but it WAS the 80′s, where the support and help was not nearly as wide spread as it is today. So, I personally feel like everything has been pretty accurate to how it would go down back then.

I will admit, I would have like a little more with Will and Jonathan, but I am holding out hope more will play out with them and Joyce in the final season.

TL;DR

While it sucks to see these characters suffer and have a hard time grappling with their identities, it doesn’t make it a purposeful punch to the face, it makes it very real, and offers room to grow and find their happiness. Will just came to terms with things, give him a moment. Personally, I hope he and Robin meet and connect and support one another, and she helps him find his footing.

Have hope fellow queer people, we still have season 5 to see how they grow from this.

(AND I AM NOT PREPARED TO TALK ABOUT EDDIE, OK? MY HEART. DON’T ASK.)

[neon-lightsaber]

Cyberpunk 2077 AU: Reluctant gay and confident bi.

More headcanon (continuation of my previous post) and also CP2077 spoilers ahead:

Sasuke migrated from Tokyo, so he spends most of his time in the district Kabuki in Night City as it feels closest to home despite being dirtier and more crime-ridden. He’s a cop though so he just goes around punching everyone who gives him a hard time. The story is told from Sasuke‘s POV as I really want him to go from “I fucking hate Night City” to “This isn’t so bad, I like one thing about this city and it’s blond and fucking annoying.”

He first meets Naruto when he was on a case to investigate a braindance startup called “Flowers” lead by Yamanaka Ino. (Braindance is like VR but more advanced and connected directly into your brain. It’s mostly used for porn but investigation units also use it to analyze eye-witnesses). Naruto is supposed to pick up Ino to bring her to Nara Shikamaru, Konoha’s lead braindance specialist. Unlike in canon Ino is both infatuated with Sasuke and Naruto, the former because he’s stupidly hot and the latter because he is the infamous King of the Streets.

AKATSUKI is a megacorporation currently running the country by having their tentacles in all political areas possible. They are working on a technology able to migrate the consciousness or soul of a person into a new body. Sakura is part of their research team but she gathers information for Konoha.

Sakura is lesbian and I want her to end up with Karin or Ino, I haven’t decided yet (It would be more cp2077 canon to let Ino be with Karin like Judy and Evelyn but we’ll see)

Naruto is a social butterfly and a hoe, he loves sleeping around with women and men alike lmao. He also flirts with Sasuke like 100% of the time and has a blast using outdated pickup lines because Sasuke is such a Zoomer. He might not look as good as Sasuke who has the face and body of a god but his presence is easily the center of everywhere he goes. That’s his aura, he just draws people in like moths to a flame. His enemies are scared shitless of his speed and aim. He grew up an orphan and very poor until Jiraya picked him up on the streets and raised him to be 6’ tall and built like a brickhouse ( “I raised you on my back and this is how you call me???!” Sry I had to...) Still Naruto is very sweet to children and elders and helps the community whenever he can.

Sasuke’s brother Itachi is one of the chairmen of AKATSUKI and the reason why he came to Night City. He wants to find out why Itachi murdered his whole family back in Japan and fled to the States.

Sasuke has a very gritty personality due to his past. His daily routine is comprised of work, research and gym. He barely gets any sleep (his eye bags are unreal), so when he meets Naruto his world is turned upside down as Naruto drags him to all kinds of ridiculous parties and gatherings and forces him to actually live for once in his sad life. However when Naruto proposes he should wear a tight purple bodysuit to “Lizzie’s” he gets a gun nozzle pointed straight between his eyes. What a spoilsport but Naruto thinks whatever and wears it himself instead.

Naruto coaxes Sasuke into getting eyemods and because he can’t decide he chooses both a Sharingan and a Rinnegan, although Naruto doesn’t agree with the purple mod as he can‘t see Sasuke’s pretty eyecolor anymore but Sasuke says he’s not gonna see anything when Sasuke has him on all fours. It was a joke but Naruto brings it up all the fucking time now, he’s such a horny dumbass.

Also Naruto has a huge fucking tattoo in japanese style all across his back because my brain tells me he’d walk up to his tattoo artist and tell them to do whatever the fuck they want. Then he’d proceed to take off all his clothes in one go. I will elaborate on this one day and no one can stop me.

I really want to talk about the possible endings but we aren’t ready for that.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

“QUEER”

First of all, let’s clear up a common misconception. Queer does not just mean gay. It’s an umbrella term for an identity which deviates from society’s perceived norm: heterosexual, or straight. Queer can refer to sexualities — gay, bisexual, pansexual, — or it can refer to being gender-queer; i.e, any label that deviates from the perceived gender norm: the binaries, male and female.

“Queer” is a reclaimed slur.

If you do not fall under the umbrella of queerness, it is safe to assume that you cannot use it. At all.

I am bisexual.

This means I experience attraction to plural genders. Pansexual also works fine. For the difference between bisexual and pansexual — see here:

Being bisexual isn’t easy. I went through similar hardships to gay women: I experienced attraction to women and was scared of what this meant for me, in such an oppressively homophobic society.

I am not saying being bisexual is harder than being gay, nor the inverse. But my experiences are distinctly bisexual, not gay.

Without further ado, here are the 3 things I’ve found to be the hardest about being queer, but not gay (enough).

#1: Finding My Place

Or, not being queer enough

I always knew I wasn’t straight, but I didn’t know what I was. Up until recently, I was still questioning. This didn’t feel enough to join groups or conversations with LGBT+ folk, let alone go to pride. Was I even LGBT if I was never L, G, B, or T?

I am still yet to attend a pride, even though I identify (fairly confidently) as bisexual. I am in a relationship with a man. This is (problematically) known as a “straight-passing relationship” and makes me feel even more undeserving of a place at pride.

This has been upsetting to me at times. But for others, it can be outright devastating. Growing up and needing support, but feeling like you’re ‘not gay enough’ to ask for it? So many young people are being left alone and afraid. Finding others like you is vital to figuring out who you are. Likewise, finding spaces which are safe and inclusive is vital for anyone, regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. A friend of mine happens to be a transgender man, and he summed up the issue perfectly:

“One thing that I keep noticing is how all hangout spots are “gay bars”, or (far less common) “lesbian bars”. I’m a straight man, so I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be there, but hanging out at regular bars is still too much of a gamble, so I don’t really have anywhere to go.”

It goes without saying that gay folk aren’t always safe in these spaces, as seen by the homophobic attack on the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, in 2016. Bigotry hurts the entire LGBT+ community. Bigotry doesn’t stop to ask whether you identify as gay or otherwise queer before it pulls the trigger.

But the LGBT+ community itself is much more welcoming to those who “pick a side” and just come out as gay, already. The infighting is inexplicable when one looks to attacks such as that in Orlando: bigots don’t care which letter you are in the acronym. So why does gatekeeping exist when we need to be strong in the face of intolerance when fragmentation only makes us weaker? Who are we helping by continuing to exclude identities from the discussion?

#2: Myths and Misconceptions

Well, it stands to reason that if bisexuals are what they seem in TV and movies, why would anyone want to make them feel included? They’re “greedy” and inauthentic. They’re attention-seeking, not to mention their propensity for threesomes. Now, I haven’t been in a wild orgy yet, but it seems like it will only be a matter of time before I follow my natural path.

Straight men, in particular, need to own up to their assumption that bisexual women are down for a threesome. The thing is, we are. But not with you, you big ASSUMER.

Infidelity

All jokes aside, the stereotyping of bisexuals is not only hurtful, but leads to difficulties finding and maintaining relationships.

As I came to terms with my bisexuality, I also had to accept that I might never be fully trusted by my partner, regardless of their gender or sexuality. I was shocked when my partner reacted to my coming out with the equivalent of a shrug — so much so, that I burst into tears of gratitude that my soul-bearing moment hadn’t been met with slut-shaming or assumptions of disloyalty. Nothing has changed. If anything, our bond is even stronger for me having been more authentic after coming out.

But cruelty came from elsewhere: when I came out, I was told that my partner was to be pitied, either because I’m gay and in denial, or bound to cheat on him. The main consequence of such attitudes has been the crippling fear of coming out to my partner. It saddens me that I felt so relieved when he accepted me for being who I am, and loving him just the same as I always have.

This outcome is not the case for many couples, with straight folk worried that their bisexual partner will realise they’re gay and just leave them. This fear of abandonment comes from a place of ignorance. When the media presents bisexuality as a steppingstone on the way to “picking a team”, it’s no wonder that people struggle to trust their queer partners.

Other Queer Myths

The myth that all trans folk medically transition invalidates those who choose not to do so, and let’s not forget the ignorant jeers that it's all just a mental illness. Asexual folk battle the stereotype that they can never have a relationship and shall forever remain a virgin (because what an awful thing that would be, right?) And pansexuals… well, at the lighter end, they’re asked if they have sex with cooking utensils. But often, they’re erased as irrelevant because “we already have the label bisexual”.

This brings us onto the third and final difficulty that comes with queer folk who aren’t easily categorizable as gay: erasure.

#3: Erasure

Erasure refers to the denial of an identity’s existence or its validity as a label.

Non-binary folk face ongoing and loud claims that they simply do not exist. This is despite the historical and scientific evidence to the contrary. Plus, the most important evidence — them, existing. Asexual folk are told they simply have not found the right person yet, or that they are just afraid of sex. Demi-sexual folk are told “everyone feels like that, unless they’re just sleeping around!”. And bisexuals are dismissed as simply being in denial that they’re gay.

Monosexuality & The Gender Binary

Our culture is so built on monosexuality (being solely attracted to one gender — for instance, gay or straight). Monosexuality is reinforced through everything from marriage to dating apps, the media to what we teach in schools. People cannot fathom that someone might want to experience more than one gender in their lifetime.

The binary models of sex and gender are also deeply ingrained. These rigid belief systems combined are to blame for our inability to accept that bisexuals do not need to “pick a side”. I was paralysed by fear for 17 years because I found girls attractive and that might mean I’m gay, because bisexuals are just gays who haven’t realised they’re gay yet.

Bierasure

Bierasure is dangerous, firstly because it leads a child to have to internalise both biphobia and homophobia. For instance, I had to work through being taught to hate gayness, whilst being taught that any attraction to non-male genders made me gay.

Women were cute, and so I was gay, and this meant I was disgusting.

My own mother told me this. She also told me that something has “gone wrong in the womb” for a child to be gay. (Well, Mum, I’ve got some bad news about your womb!)And she, like any bigot, extended this theory to anyone who experiences same-sex attractions — anyone queer. This is another reason why bi-erasure is perilous. Whether you’re a gay, cis-male or a demi-bisexual, trans woman… if your parents will kick you out for being gay, they will likely kick you out for being any sort of queer.

If we deny the bigotry that bisexuals undergo, we will continue to suffer. It won’t just go away. It will fester, with bisexuals having no one they can go to who believes them. And thus:

Erasure Kills

Bullying and suicide rates of queer-but-not-gay people continue to sky-rocket. We must direct funding, support and compassion to every queer individual, as they are all vulnerable to discrimination and bullying. The problem is being left to fester. This is in part because bigots treat all queer labels as just ‘gay’, deeming them equally unworthy. This is how far erasure can go.

Conclusion

Earlier on, I stated that my experiences are distinctly bisexual. The same applies to any queer identity.

Emphasising our differing paths and struggles is important to avoid the aforementioned erasure of already less visible groups. But this does not mean that the LGBT+ community should be fragmented by these differences.

If we can unite in our hope to live authentically and love freely, we will be stronger against bigotry. We are fighting enough intolerance from without: there is no need to create more from within.

So out of everything, what’s the hardest part about being bisexual?

It’s the fact that nobody knows it’s this hard.

[samshogwarts]

How you as a straight person can support the LGBTQ + community.

I have often seen people tell me that as a straight person I cannot support the LGBTQ + community. And that's not true! Inspired by @night-rhea (link to the post) incredibly good info post, I would also like to contribute to Pride Month.

First of all, the most important thing: Of course, as a heterosexual person, you can support the LGBTQ + community. And you should too!

Love is different and has many different faces. It is colorful! Also, sexuality is not something you choose. You are born with it and for many people the realization of your own sexuality is a special milestone in life. Especially when these people are teenagers.

So how do you react when someone confesses their sexuality or gender to you?

You should keep in mind that for many people the admission of sexuality or gender is a very big step. So first and foremost, you can feel honored that this person trusts you so much to confide in you. Because unfortunately we still live in times when people are discriminated against or even persecuted for their sexuality or gender identification.  Personally, I therefore always find it good when you simply thank you for this trust.

Show the person that sexual orientation or gender doesn't matter to you. Because it shouldn't do that either!  Sexuality says nothing about the personality of the person and prejudice is out of place here.

What should i do next

Keep talking to the person normally. Basically nothing has changed in the person or you, only that you now have a new detail. AND A HUG IS ALWAYS NICE!

I don't know any about homosexuality or gender.  What can I do?

In advance you can find out about sexualities and gender on the Internet. Because the internet isn't just for funny cat videos! Otherwise, as in most cases, open and honest communication helps. You can also ask an LGBTQ + person what their sexuality or gender means in detail. Of course, you should be open-minded about this topic.

Can I really ask anything?

You should be using your brain by now. So don't ask any of these unnecessary discriminatory questions. Telling a bi-sexual person not to fall in love with you is counterproductive. Likewise, you don't ask homosexual couples who the man and who the woman is in the relationship. Or an asexual person that they just haven't met the right partner yet. Likewise, as a straight person, you could be told that you simply haven't found yourself and that your coming out is still to come. You wouldn't think that's great either.

And how do I help the LGBTQ + community with it?

First and foremost, you are helping your friends or relatives by knowing that they can trust you and that you are not discriminating against these people for their sexuality or gender.  For the general LGBTQ + community, you can help by not being influenced by prejudice, by getting your own picture of it and by helping other people with them.

So you should also not use sexualities or genders as insults. Because that is discriminatory, sexist and racist. "This is totally gay."  or "Are you a girl or what?"  actually have no place in today's language. You can also make friends and family aware of the topic in general, or point them out when they use one of these empty phrases.

I realize that I do have problems with a person's sexuality or gender.  What can I do?

First of all, I think it's good when a person admits this and wonders what they can do. Most of the "problems" a person has with this issue is due to prejudice and stereotypes.  But if you take a serious look at the topic, you quickly discover that these prejudices are wrong.

Men shouldn't wear make-up!  That’s a woman’s business.

I'm sorry, but I haven't read “Just for Woman” on any makeup yet. Make-up can be tried and worn by women, men or trans people. Or do you think the male actors in films or theater wouldn't wear make-up?  The style or the strength is of course a question of taste and everyone has to decide for themselves what they like. But it can also be related to other physical characteristics. One likes brown hair, the other blonde. One likes green eyes, the other blue eyes more. It is important that you feel comfortable yourself.  If you don't like something yourself, that's fine.  It is even your right to say that you don't like this. But it is not your right to impose your ideals on others and decide what is right or wrong. And please don't even start to use your religion or the same as an excuse.

Homosexuality is unnatural!

Please look it up again on the internet. Because this statement is completely FALSE!  On the contrary.  Homosexuality is e.g. completely normal in the animal kingdom. There are animal species in which homosexuality occurs more frequently, such as  Penguins. But do you know which animals are also often homosexual?  Lions!  Homosexuality has now been proven in almost every species of animal and gender fluid is nothing new there either. There are many animals that can change their sex during the mating season, fertilize themselves or even change their sex permanently if necessary. We humans cannot physically do this by ourselves, but homosexuality and gender fluid are nothing unnatural.

I don't want transgender people to use the same toilet as me!

This may come as a shock to some, but everyone pees and poops. And they do that in the loo. And that's the same for everyone.  Now my hard side comes to the fore again, but this is the point I understand least of all about LGBTQ + haters. Whether a man, a woman or a transgender pee - it all sounds the same.  Even with actors, singers or other celebrities. Everyone has to go to the bathroom and everyone is uncomfortable when you hear something. Now of course I don't know what public toilets look like in your country, but in my country the normal toilet bowls are in cubicles. You can't see anything anyway! Of course there are still the Pisuars in men's toilets, but I've never heard of a trans man that he also uses them. And everyone has to wash their hands too.

And what about the perverts who only want to use your gender toilet to string you up?

Why does that one South Park episode always come to my mind when I hear this statement ... Anyway, If you go by the statistics, toilet tensioners are mostly straight people who go to other toilets without asking. Of course there will be people who will use transgender as an excuse, but that has nothing to do with real transgender people!  In general: In public toilets, keep your eyes open, use toilet paper, flush after every toilet, and wash your hands afterwards.

And big conter question: Do you have seperat toilets at home as well?

You are born a man or a woman. There is nothing in between!

The first part is correct. At birth, we are given a physical gender. But that doesn't mean that our physical sex characteristics have to match our actual genders. Everyone should be free to choose their own gender. And that should be respected. So if a person tells you that they actually have the opposite gender, you should accept that and address the person with the correct pronoun (see Nights Post on the topic of gender fluid). In my experience, however, it doesn't matter if you tell this person that you may have to get used to the new pronoun. Especially if you have known the person for a long time and they have only recently come out. But really try to pay attention to it.  As a woman you don't like to be addressed as a man or vice versa.

What is your opinion / experience of LGBTQ +?

I have been hiking on this planet for 30 years now and since I was 13 I have been actively involved with people from the LGBTQ + community. My father's cousin was a lesbian and my parents or they never made it a big issue. I was raised with the knowledge, "My great cousin just likes women and lives with one." So it was completely normal for me.

During puberty, many of my friends tried a lot sexually and (unfortunately, in some cases) told me about it. Of course, sexual orientation played a major role in this. From parents who didn't really care about parents who would have loved to call the exorcist, everything was actually there. Since I've always been open to this topic, I even had some conversations with said parents. Well, that was strange ...

Furthermore, I went to Christopher Street Day with my LGBTQ + friends and can only say that it was a very interesting experience. In doing so, I discovered that many members of the LGBTQ + scene (especially Draq Queen) could do amazingly good hairstyles.

My basic attitude always sounds very harsh at first, but I have a big mouth anyway: I don't care about a person's sexuality or gender.

What matters to me is the personality of the person. There are nice and bad people everywhere, I've already met and that is also not linked to gender or sexuality. I think everyone has to feel good about themselves. I don't care what the person is doing in the bedroom as long as it's consensual and legal.  Also, in my opinion, it's perfectly fine to try it out. I mean, we try different foods and we can decide what we like, right? If a person has to try himself out in order to find his or her sexuality, then please do so! But please always think about contraception!

All in all, I can say that I try to support my friends as much as possible and to give them the feeling that I am a “safe spot”. Of course, I am always there to answer questions on this topic.  It is important that we do not stand still and keep developing. I don't know everything about this subject either. So I only recently got to know the term “Cis”. And then I first asked what that was. But you can also use Google for that.

I hope I was able to help one or the other, how they can support the LGBTQ + scene or show LGBTQ + people how it is for a straight person. Of course, I would be happy to have a factual exchange and I look forward to your opinion.

Stay open to opinions from others and help all of you.

Happy Pride Month!

[maccreadysimp]

breaking down this anti-ian article bc it bothers me ( from the child of a bipolar mother and a male teen with same sex attraction ) while also providing valid reasons ian sucks ( from someone who likes ian )

ive had this drafted for a while so i dont think i cover anything from season 11

tw for i^cest and r^pe

he was with a married man

in this point it points out that he was with kash and he continued his relationship with kash even after linda put cameras in the store

“Ian didn't seem to care about how wrong his affair with Kash was or how much it could hurt Kash's wife Linda, whom he saw at the store regularly. “

that is a quote from that part.

ian gallagher was fifteen in season one, kash was an older man who bought him gifts and payed attention to ian ,, that was not on ian , none of that was ian fault because he was a child

ian wasnt open with lip

“ Ian didn't tell Lip about his preferences and forced Lip to figure it out on his own. Lip was instantly accepting of his brother's truth and even offered to help him figure out any confusion he might be harboring, so it's really strange that Ian wasn't just upfront with his closest confidant from the start.”

no , lip wasnt forced to figure it out on his own and he also wasn’t instantly accepting.

in this point it mentions that ‘they’re extremely close ( bestfriends and brothers ) so its strange ian didnt tell him’

like point 1 , ian is a fifteen year old boy, growing up on the southside , and thoughout the show it has mentioned multiple times that the southside isnt that accepting

back to lip -- lip wasnt accepting, sure he was fine but ‘helping your younger brother figure it out’ by having a (female) classmate give him a blowjob isnt helping

he secretly dated his best friends brother

“Most friends have an unspoken rule about not dating each other's siblings, but Ian broke this rule by secretly entering into a relationship with Mandy's closeted brother Mickey.”

the only thing i have to say about this is , he was still with kash and mickey was a boy in his age group who was gay , growing up in the southside ian probably thought he was the token gay so of course hes going to chase after mickey

he stood by as kash attacked mickey

“Ian didn't do anything to stop Kash from shooting his new lover, and didn't even tell the police about his boss' over-the-top display of jealous action so proper justice could be served.”

okay. because two men he had fallen for had gotten into a fight, there was a gun involved and he panicked, in the end after mickey got shot he went to him

now to address the quote, he didnt say anything to the police because he probably knew that that would bring shame onto kash and his family, along with mickey and his family who are very homophobic

oh yeah and it was like 2011 and cops suck and THEY LIVE ON THE SOUTHSIDE

he and lip tried framing terry milkovich

oh the homophobic and racist dad of his boyfriend and bestfriend who tried to kill him and r*ped his daughter ?

yeah , shit man , that was real bad they shouldn’t have done that /s

he dated jimmy-steves married father

“Ian didn't bother telling Jimmy the truth about his father and didn't end his relationship with Lloyd upon finding out that he had a secret wife and family, either.”

at this point ian is probably sixteen but that doesnt matter bc i wont even address that

he met him at a club and then used his relationship with ned to make mickey jealous which was one of the reasons he kept seeing him, he didnt tell jimmy-steve about the relationship or his father bc he shouldnt find out from him he should find out from his father , again like kash, ned was an older man who payed attention to ian and ned later did develop feelings feelings for ian

he stole lips identity to enlist in the army

he enlisted because he didnt know what to do with himself, its implied/stated that the army timeline was the start of his bipolar

“While impersonating Lip, Ian had tried to steal a helicopter and then proceeded to go AWOL.”

this is because of the bipolar he suffers from, it is referenced later in the series after he gets back and hes manic

ian refused to accept being bipolar

of course he didnt accept it, it is made very clear that his family thinks lowly of monica so of course if hes the lucky duck to get what his siblings demonize her for, of course he’ll not want to be it

“He refused to take medications that could alter his personality or mood.”

okay. this is why im making this whole post, this goes along with part 15 ( or so idk ) ,,

my mother , my dear mother, who is bipolar and doesnt take her meds because they are mood altering , my mom doesnt take med because she told me once that they make her feel like shit, she told me that a little after i was born she started taking them but realized she felt nothing, she felt nothing for my dad or for i ( making her numb )

she told me anti deppresents dont help either because when shes on them and manic it pushes her past productive and into angry

my dad told me that when my mom was on bi polar medication she would seem angry most of the time

he wasnt faitful to mickey

“Ian's bipolar disorder made him very reckless and impulsive and led him to be unfaithful.”

lets break that down.

ians. bipolar. disorder.

this plot point i actually didnt like, mainly bc ian never addresses it so ill give the article a point. but then i take away 2 because they have more of a problem with his bipolar messing with him rather than the fact he never apologized and they never worked it out

ian stole yevgeny

before i start quoting i should mention because his boyfriend, who has supported and helped him is suddenly telling him he needs help, he was helping raise yev so he’ll see yev as his own

“Ian failed to recognize just how crazy he was acting...”

cuting you off right there , he was in a bipolar state, he wasnt ‘crazy’ and isnt ‘crazy’

he cant even keep count of his number of partners

just slutshaming i see

he helped throw frank off a bridge

“His relationship with Frank was understandably never the same after that, as Frank struggled to get over this act of betrayal and cruelty.”

‘was never the same after that’ frank never liked ian, ian was probably his least favorite and that point is very apparent

also , it wasnt just ian , his siblings and his boyfriend caleb

he left a healthy relationship to be with mickey

he fell in love with mickey at 15 , mickey was a comfort and always someone to fall back on, when mickey was taken away and no longer in the picture his heart still obviously was with mickey and when mickey came back he didnt know what to do

he told mickey he had a boyfriend but because mickey has been such a constant in his life he finally has back of course he couldnt resist

he liked trevor, i could tell he did but trevor wasnt the one he watched get r^ped by a russian prostitute, he wasnt the one ian was secretly dating bc it would be a death wish other wise, he wasnt the one there when ian was manic or depressive ( at the start )

he tried blackmailing an old client for money

“Instead of raising the money in an honest manner, Ian chose to visit an old client from his time working at the Fairy Tail and blackmail him into funding the shelter.”

because he felt indebted to trevor and wanted to make it up to him, it would have taken longer to do it in ‘an honest manner’ when his sister would have gotten it instead, he knew how much gay youths like he once was needed a safe place

“He grew up wanting to be nothing like his father, but this whole money-making scheme was straight out of the Frank playbook”

because thats all he knows, he grew up with that ‘playbook’ so of course hes going to take a page out of it, he is nothing like frank , franks money making schemes are selfish and for his own greed while ian wanted the money to help build a safe space for lgbt youth

he let fame inflate his ego

of course he did, hes a southside kid who was destined to fail

also it is very apparent that during the gay jesus era he went off his medication which didnt help

“Before long, he just completely forgot about his ex and focused solely on being a deity”

as much as yes, he did let it mess with his head, he was trying to still help lgbt youth and was going against anti gay churchs , in the end it didnt work out for him because he was off his meds and went over board

he stopped taking his meds

see previous point and ‘ian refused to accept being bipolar’

he actually wanted to stay in prison

because he was doing good in there

ian was helping others and was spreading awareness about lgbt with in the prison , and as him and jail scenes go , we can see people were listening to him and he was trying to make it safe sane and consensual

he let down his army of followers

“Ian admitted that most of his actions were completely irrational and the mere results of his bipolar disorder.”

he didnt want to, we can see this, because he knew he would let down everyone, his family were the only ones to ever ground him and they knew it would be the best option for his own mental health

during the gallavich wedding we can see that a lot of his supporters still have his back because they must know how hard it was for him to put all of that success on something he can’t control

he constantly wasted his potential

this is actually the only point in this article i actually agree with , so only 1/20 i agree with

his relationship with mickey wasn’t actually great

“Mickey spent the first several years of their relationship denying his feelings for Ian.”

he was raised by a homophobic and racist father who he knew would react the way he did when terry had caught the two that one day

“Even after he finally embraced his true self, Ian's bipolar disorder kept them from becoming truly happy together.”

yes but mickey was there for him the entire time and helped him through it, he told him he loved him which was really big for him and did his best to care for him

“They couldn't seem to remain faithful to each other for more than a few weeks.”

back to the point about ians bipolar but for mickey he wanted monogamy , now that scene in s11 may say otherwise but it is very clear that he wants a monogamous relationship with ian and ian ( after getting help ) wants one too, and in the later seasons they are monogamous

“When Mickey asked Ian to run away to Mexico with him, Ian refused.”

he wanted to, it’s obvious, but ian has his family and didnt want to abandon them again, i think part of him knew he would see mickey again because they always find eachother, he gave mickey all of his money and wanted mickey to have a good life

“Their relationship was simply never healthy.”

no it wasnt, but thats why the ship is great in its own way, the gay closet kid raised by a homophobic man is obviously going to have a lot of baggage , and ian who is bipolar and struggling with himself will also have a lot of baggage , but in the end they love eachother and that really shows in season five and season seven specifically

that is all lol ,,, this is long sorry

now, i am not a ian apologist , i love ian but hes a dumbass sometimes

actual valid reasons ian sucks

genuinely believes frank is worse than terry

yes frank was definitely abusive but terry is definitely worse ,,

mentally/physically/sexually abusive , the whole nine yards

terry hired a prostitute to r^pe his son , threatened to kill him and ian on multiple occasions , r^ped his daughter who ended up pregnant and is actively racist

frank on the other hand will make gay jokes but in the end doesnt give enough of a shit , he has attacked his children on multiple occasions but not to the brutality that terry has ( this isnt me excusing it )

sorry ian , terry is worse

never apologized

he never apologized for all the shit he put mickey and his family through, never apologized to mickey for cheating on him , never apologized for all the manic and depressive episodes mickey endured with him

never apologized for walking away when he couldn’t handle it, in hall of shame mickey actually acknowledges this saying ‘its youre whole MO’

debbies sexuality

he has constantly made statements saying debbie isnt gay and that bothers me because , why does it care ? as a gay man and as a gay man who soent time with a lot of lgbt youth wouldnt he support his sister even if shes just ‘experimenting’?

in the recent season he doesnt seem to care and doesn’t say anything but it still bothers me

mickey only getting like 80% of his heart

okay look , i get what ian means when he says this , everyones hes been with has made him who he is but fucking hell dude ,, shut up , thats your husband , thats the love of your life you shouldnt be saying shit like that , especially to him

and then this man had the audacity to say mickey probably feels the same about past flings when he knows that ian is the only one hes probably ever been with/serious about

obviously there is probably more but those are the main ones that come to mind

—

before anyone brings up the trans or bi thing im going to explain my thought process for him

like ive probably mentioned multiple times he grew up southside and obviously only ever grew up with lgb and not t ,, trevor did inform him a lot and ian became supre accepting of everyone,, sexual preference isnt transphobic but i do think he approached the matter badly

now the bi thing , legit all i think is that he doesnt hate bisexual people its just that the man he really liked slept with a woman and never expressed any heterosexual attraction so it probably just suprised him and pissed him off because caleb did cheat on ian

—

if you read this far HOLY SHIT THANKS LOL ,, im not adding things that i think are pro about ian this was just me breaking down that article and giving my two cents :)

feel free to message me and talk to me or send me articles like this about any other character/relationship and i will totally break that one down too lol

thanks for letting me rant

[amysgiantbees]

A record of my poor taste

Izuku Couple Ranking

1. TodoDeku - Narrative foils! He’ll listen to him and respects his strategy's, doesn’t just dismiss them as ramblings. Deku would give Shoto unrequited love from the GET GO like he DESERVES! Team daddy issues.

2. Bakugo/Izuku/Kiri - Look Kiri and Bakugo are end game and Kiri is just really sweet and I think he could really balance them and make the whole situation happier and healthier and I think he’d like how open Deku is with his feelings.

3. Todoroki/Deku/Bakugo - THE power couple. They’d be A LOT though.

4. Bakudeku - Enemies to friends to lovers is just a jam tbh. It has to go this way not just enemies to lovers because otherwise I feel like it would be too unhealthy. Enemies to lovers is fun because theirs mutual feelings and banter but Deku is putting too much work into this friendship and Bakugo is resisting too hard to make skipping the friendship step healthy. I feel like he’d be good at making Deku look after himself and get out of spirals. Also, to project onto a fictional character for a second, I feel like Deku gets into anxiety spirals where he is trapped in his own brain for so long thinking about a problem that his logic gets worse but he gets more and more sure that it’s the only option. And Bukugo would just come in like no Deku how the fuck did you think that was a good idea you missed the obvious good answer 10 minutes ago. He’d be a good common sense balance and Deku would soften him up. 

5. Shinso/Izuku - I feel like they both would just love and support each other so much and respect how hard they’re both trying to become heroes. They’d listen to each other. Also I love AUs where Deku remains quirkless and gets into the support course and just them being classmates and ROOMATES!!!!

6. Shoto/Uraraka/Izuku - Shoto deserves to double the cinnamon roles in his life. I feel like the three of them would cancel out any weird vibes. I think Shoto would really enjoy spoiling them and they’d be really protective of him and ready to fight his dad at any opportunity.

Ida/Uraraka/Izuku - It’s just SO soft!

7. Uraraka/Izuku - Cinnamon roles! However, women are already written so poorly in MHA that I find their whole “I talked to a boy” “I just touched a girl” five year old shit half the time more irritating than cute. Like I enjoy narrative contrast, it can be really funny and cute and grounding but to go from “I just broke all the bones in my body” to this is just too jarring for me. They’re so similar that they kind of give me sibling vibes honestly. 

Bakugo Couple Ranking

1. Him and Kirri. It’s always them. Like look at the Seamstress on tiktok and she has such amazing head-cannons about them. About Bakugo respecting Kirri’s worth and improving his self esteem like no one else could. About how Bakugo feels so comfortable and completed by Kirri in so many ways, like just Kirri doing the talking in interviews. Also they would be SO ride or die for each other. Two manly men just being icons in love. 

2.  Bakugo/Izuku/Kiri

3. Todoroki/Bakugo/Kiri. Again B and K are ENDGAME. But I think just these two people who are so full of life and passion could be a really neat fit with Shoto! Also their hair together is SO cute, how one’s cherry, one’s blonde and he’s the candy cane in-between. 

4. Todoroki/Deku/Bakugo

Uraraka Couple Ranking

1. Her and Tsuyu! Pink and Green look super good together, they’re close to being contrasting colours. They’re smart, sweet and way more dangerous than they look. They’d be the most adorable power couple. 

2.  Shoto/Uraraka/Izuku

3.  Uraraka/Izuku

Momo Couple Ranking

1.Itsuka/Momo - They’re both confident women who deserve great things. I feel like Itsuka would be a very precious, protective girlfriend and Momo would defiantly spoil her any chance she got. They’d be so competent that it would be legendary.

2. Jiro/Momo. Okay to be honest I prefer them as besties but the art slaps and they would be cute. Love some prep/punk vibes.

3. Shoto/Momo: Again I feel like they would be WAY better as just friends. Especially as the men overshadow the women so much in the show that I just feel like the women deserve better than being a man’s love interest, let them just support each other. But they would be cute. Also two rich people together... ew. Eat the rich. Which is also why they kind of give off the feeling like they’re people who would say that the other is “like a brother/sister to me.” Also I feel like them together would make their parents too happy. 

Denki couple ranking

1. Denki/Shinso - I’m still not over the “No loud blondes” jokes I think they’re adorable and there's so much potential there. Also just this ray of sunshine believing in Shinso when so few have with his whole heart is PRECIOUS! I feel like they’d be really supportive of each other. And I feel like they both have very noticeable disabilities, depression and ADHD, and I feel like neither would be daunted just accepting of each other entirely. 

I like Denki just being the biggest Jiro simp better than them getting together, except...

2. Jiro/Denki/Shinso - It would be CUTE! They’d get along so well. I just love the vibes idk. Plus Denki needs all of the adult supervision he can get.

3. Deku/Denki/Shinso - Again just some good cute vibes here. I feel like after Deku has struggled so long with being quirkless he would be really supportive and encouraging with Denki getting help with learning disabilities and would be always happy to help him study. They would all be so supportive. 

Nebulous Head-cannons

Aizawa and Mic are either best friends or a long time married couple. I’m happy either way as long as they’re just each others favourite person and live together.

Grand Torino and Recovery Girl would be the cutest old couple. They’d enjoy messing with people and getting up to mischief together I think.

I’m kind of fond of Tsuyu x Sero. 

All Might’s got it going on with Izuku’s Mom

I like the idea that Kirishima is trans and gay. 

Denki, Shinsou, Midoryia, Jiro and Tsuyu are all non-binary.

I like Mina either dating around outside of school or falling for Ida. Love some nerd x cool kid vibes. 

I don’t know if I ship him with these guys but at the very least I feel like  Tokoyami has written some angsty love poetry about Aoyama and Shoji.

On a purely platonic note. Shinsou is Aizawa’s favourite student (and son) and Denki and Uraraka are Mic’s.

Aizawa has chronic fatigue and depression.

Mic, Bakugo, Mina and Denki have ADHD

Izuku has anxiety and is a bit on the ace spectrum and he’s pan. 

Denki is for sure bi.

[chickensarentcheap]

Never Gonna Be Alone- Chapter 14

Warnings: possible body dysmorphia, mentions of past trauma and abuse

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @tragiclyhip​

Author’s Note: I have a serious case of extremely low self esteem (thanks anon hate!) and I can’t promise when the next chapter will be out. I’m hoping within the next few days. Fingers crossed!  So I’d post the one I was holding ‘hostage’. 

“I’m not too sure about this, Des,” Esme grumbles from behind a change room door in Bloomingdales.

It’s the last stop of the afternoon before a well deserved lunch; highly praised Thai food at a restaurant near Rockefeller that Desi had to book weeks in advance. It’s been years since she’d been THAT engrossed in a shopping trip; her feet aching and her cheeks hurting from laughing so much and dozens of bags in her possession. For twelve years she’s been caught up in her role as a mother; putting her own needs and wants on the back burner in favour of always making sure the kids never went without. Even with a ridiculous amount of money in the bank, she’d never concentrated on herself; perfectly content with her quiet and unassuming life in Australia, living rather simply and not needing much more than shorts, t-shirts, a small selection of bathing suits and a handful of jeans. It feels strange to be out in something other than her normal and preferred attire; used to choosing comfort over actual style and doing little more than throwing her hair up into a ponytail or messy bun. It had been nice to experience all of that again and had found herself most missing those younger days. When she’d pass the time with hours of window shopping and mindless browsing; daydreaming about all of the designer clothes and shoes and handbags she’d one day purchase if she ever won the lottery. But back then, it had been just that: daydreaming. And she can’t help but feel slightly guilty for splurging and buying things just for the sake of having them; outfits she may likely never wear and will hang in the closet with their original price tags still attached.

It’s hard to break free of that line of thinking; easily remembering the hard times when there’d been hardly any food in the cupboards and there’d been real worry about whether the utilities would be shut off or not. When Millie was still growing inside of her and she’d been trying to adjust to her new life in a new country; living with a man she barely knew but she already was already falling madly and crazily in love with. Materialistic things have never truly mattered; never heartbroken when she couldn’t afford brand new clothes or when their little apartment was filled with mismatched second hand furniture. Despite the financial concerns, they’d been truly happy. Engrossed in a ‘honeymoon stage’ of unbridled passion and lust; finding themselves thoroughly exploring and enjoying one another’s bodies while getting to know each other. It hadn’t been the most conventional of lifestyles; two broken people finding solace and healing in one another in Dhaka, an unplanned pregnancy, and quick and hasty cohabitation. And there’d been hard times; little quirks and hangs up the other had that annoyed them, heated arguments over stupid things, lingering trauma and plenty of nightmares thanks to their harrowing experience in Bangladesh. But somehow they’d made it work; a temperamental and moody Australian and a feisty and over emotional American. Falling in love despite their often enormous differences and making something so beautiful and lasting out of almost nothing.

“I don't know if this dress is my thing,” she frets, and smooths her hands down the side of the ridiculously expensive dress. It’s far more than she’d ever imagined paying for a single piece of clothing; immediately checking the price tag and having a small coronary when Desi had shoved the garment in her direction. Money is of no concern; in a thousand lifetimes the personal bank account will never run dry, nor will there never be a steady flow of impressive income coming in. But it just isn’t who she is; a woman with her wardrobe filled with designer apparel, far more comfortable in sweats from Target and one of her husband’s ratty t-shirts. “I’m just not too sure about it.”

“What is there NOT to be sure about?” Her friend’s voice filters in from the waiting area. “It’s Herve Leger. One of his best pieces yet. And it’s fabulous and it will look even more fabulous on you.”

“It’s too short,” she laments, and tries in vain to pull the hem down closer to her knees. “I don’t have the legs for this.”

“You don’t need legs for days to slay in that dress. And Big E, I’ve seen you in shorts. I know you’ve got killer stems. You can definitely pull this off. You’re worrying over nothing.”

“But it’s too tight. Way too tight.”

Desi sighs in exasperation. “It’s supposed to be tight. It’s a bandage dress.”

“It shows my rolls.”

“Excuse you? WHAT roles? Like you have rolls. Bitch, please.”

“I’ve had seven kids. Believe me, I have rolls. I’m twenty pounds heavier than when I first met Tyler. Twenty-two, actually.”

“And does he give a shit? No. I bet he likes the curves. I don’t see him complaining. Or looking at other women. He only has eyes for you.”

“Most biased man on earth,” she mutters, and studies her form from all sides. Easily remembering what her body had looked like almost thirteen years ago; thin and toned and extremely fit. A far cry from the ‘softness’ she possesses now; dips and valleys and curves where none had ever existed before.

“Isn’t his opinion the only one that really matters? Doesn’t he find you a straight up hottie?”

“That is not the point. He could be just trying to spare my feelings, you know.”

Desi gives a derisive snort. “Isn’t he still tripping over himself trying to get into her pants every available chance he gets? Quit your bitching. You’ve got a beautiful man that worships at the temple of YOU. Now get out here and let me see you.”

“Rolls, Desi. I have rolls.”

“Bullshit. And even if you did, that dress is like a corset. All the different bands built in? They hold everything. And I doubt you have anything to hold in the first place. Don’t make me break down the door and drag you out here. I am not above creating a scene. You should know this by now.”

“Don’t you dare go full queen diva on me.”

“Oh, I will. I will kick that door in and drag your tiny ass on out here for the world to see. Desmond Brownell does not play games. He’s on a mission. And his mission is to see you in that Herve Leger. Don’t make me pull a mommy move. Don’t make me count to three.”

“I tend to go with five, but…”

“Five then. Don’t make me go that direction. Because it will not end well for you. Or me. There’ll be tears. And not on my part. And most likely security guards tossing us both out on our asses. So we do this either the easy way or the hard way. And believe me, you don’t want the hard way.”

Sighing heavily, she smooths down the back and sides of the dress and once more tries to pull the bottom closer to her knees. To no avail. It is so far out of her comfort zone; a woman that insists on always covering her bathing suit with a t-shirt and refuses to remove it. “I am going to sneak into your house at night and kill you in your sleep,” she declares, as she undoes the hook latch on the door and swings it open. “I can’t believe I let you talk me into this. Keep your eyes closed. Until I tell you to open them.”

“I can’t believe YOU don’t realize that you’re a bonafide MILF. Even if it’s not for you, how bad could it be?”

“Ever seen a sausage when you try and stuff too much into the casing?”

“Have you ever talked to a shrink? You do not look the way you think you look. What DO you see when you look in the damn mirror?”

“I see gray hair, wrinkles, and stretch marks. I see frumpy and plain and boring and just…” sighing, she steps into the middle of the waiting area and frowns at her reflection being cast in several different mirrors. “...old. I see old.”

“I think you’ve done lost your damn mind. Shred brains cell with every baby you had. Because you sure as hell don’t look old. Not even close. Can I look yet?”

“Do you want to be traumatized?”

“Do you WANT me to beat your ass? Tell on you? I’ll tell your hubby. Don’t underestimate me. Then both of us will get on your ass and then what?”

“He’s hardly a good judge. He’d tell me I look good in a garbage bag. He is proof that love IS blind.”

“He is proof that there’s good men out there. Good loyal, faithful men. That love every inch of their woman. Inside and out. You know how lucky you are? To have someone like that? Do you see anyone strong enough to drag him off? I’m sure he’s had plenty of opportunities.”

“If the thirsty housewives back home and the new neighbour had their way, he’d be getting all kinds of ass. All kinds of variety.”

“What new neighbour?”

“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you over lunch. But yeah, he’s got a harem of women that would love for him to be tapping it.”

“But he loves tapping YOUR ass. And only your ass. Does he have a brother? Have I ever asked that? A gay brother by chance? Or a gay friend? Bi friend? Help me out here.”

“No brothers. No siblings at all. No gay friends. Not that I know of. But you know who WOULD have a gay friend? My sister in law.”

“I thought he didn’t have siblings?”

“Not Tyler. My sister’s wife. Shaena. She’d for sure have gay friends. And hot ones. You’ve met her.”

“Both her and your sister are fine as hell. I wouldn’t mind getting in the middle of THAT. Hook a brother up. Make it happen. I’ll be at your little Aussie Christmas. Score me a date for then. In the meantime, can I open my eyes now? Don’t leave a brother hanging.”

“As long as you promise you won’t laugh.”

“I am calling you a psychiatrist. You need help.”

“Fine,” she turns her back towards her friends, hands perched upon her hips. “ Look. But no smart ass comments and no laughing. My confidence can’t take it.”

“Your confidence needs a serious makeover. Now let me see.”

She watches through the mirror as his eyes flutter opening; slowly widening as far as they possibly can, followed by a dramatic collapse back into his seat and a hand placed over his heart.

“Fuck…” she grimaces. “...that bad?”

“That bad? That GOOD. Desmond Brownell approves. You look…” he gives two chef’s kisses. “...delicious. I’d bang you. And I have high standards.”

“I’ve seen some of your dates. Your standards are questionable at best.”

“You wound me, Big E. Mortally wound me. That…” he nods in her direction. “...was made for you. Your body is tighter and hotter than you obviously realize. Curves like a back road. And there ain’t nothing wrong with that.”

“You don’t think it’s too much? Or should I say, too little? I am forty-one.”

“Who gives a shit? You look amazing.”

“I’ve had seven kids.”

“Especially amazing for someone that’s popped out that many crotch goblins. Sold. The dress is sold. This isn’t up for debate.”

“I can’t buy something like this. It’s just...not me.”

“It damn well is YOU. I’ll buy it for you. A little extra Christmas gift.”

“A thousand dollar dress is hardly a little Christmas gift. And it’s a little pricey, don’t you think? For fabric?”

“Honey, you really need to get out of Target and up your shopping game. I know how much money you all have, I know you can afford it. I know you could probably afford this whole store. And then some.”

“It isn’t about money. It’s about me. And being out of my comfort zone. I don’t dress like this. I live on the beach. In Australia. We wear shorts and tanks and never wear shoes. Where the hell would I wear this?”

“Date night.”

“Like we have places I could wear this to. I mean, I guess we could go to Cairns. I’ve seen women in some pretty expensive clothes there. I could always talk him into a weekend away. It wouldn’t be hard. And we are going to Santorini in April.”

“That’d be perfect for Santorini. Hell, just wear it in the house. In the bedroom. Just to spice things up a bit. I’m sure he doesn’t see you dressed up very often.”

“Try like never,” Esme laughs. “Okay, maybe that’s a lie. I DO wear makeup when we go out. And cute little sundresses.”

“What about when you got married?”

“I wore something off the clearance rack at a bridal store in Sydney. Cost a hundred bucks. It was nothing fancy.”

“But you wore a little tiara and veil and all that, right?”

“It wasn’t that kind of wedding. I was five months pregnant with Millie. It was a little wedding chapel. We had six guests. It wasn’t fancy.”

“E, you’ve been robbed. You need that bride moment. What about the first time?”

“Las Vegas. Even more casual. Zero out of five stars. Would not recommend.”

“Oh no, honey. No. That’s wrong. So wrong. You deserve so much better. You deserve a big day. You deserve to be a bride. A REAL bride. Poofy white dress, little bling in your hair, fancy little shoes…”

“Seven kids and I’m going to wear white? I think not.”

“I’m having a serious talk with that man of yours. Vow renewals are a thing you know.”

“He’s brought it up. A couple of times. Which is weird, because I never thought he’d ever think of something like that. This is Tyler we’re talking about. This is a man that can kill people with his bare hands. Who has his own brand of romance. Which I love, by the way. But it’s very odd he’d bring up something like that. Getting married again.”

“Maybe he wants to see you all done up. Looking like a bride.”

“Trust me, Des. Tyler doesn’t care about that stuff. That isn’t him.”

“Maybe he’s come to care about that stuff. Maybe he’s getting a softer side to him. Or, his soft side is getting even more soft.”

“Don’t ever tell him that. He’d kill YOU with his bare hands. Do you really think I should get this dress?”

“I think you’d be stupid not to. And you, are NOT a stupid woman. Treat yourself. You deserve it.”

“You know what? I do. I DO deserve it. And I think he’ll really like it. Maybe I’ll even give him a little sneak peek later. You know, to judge his reaction to it.”

“Oh I think I know what his reaction is going to be. Don’t wear any underwear. Just let him yank the dress up and have his way with you.”

“Maybe you know him better than I realize,” Esme laughs. “Fine. I’ll buy it. But if he hates it, I am totally throwing you under the bus.”

“Alright...alright…” Desi holds his hands up in surrender. “...I’ll take one for the team. Now get your little ass in there and get changed. This big man needs to eat.”

*****

“So this neighbour you mentioned,” Desi says, as he nods his appreciation at the hostess who seats them at their table, then gallantly pulls Esme’s chair out and waits for her to sit. “What’s that about?”

She rolls her eyes. “Natalie. She just moved in a few doors down. Her and her little girl.”

“Are you talking about the blond that has the goddamn gall to wear real fur?” Desi slides into the seat across from her. “The one that needs a chisel to take off her makeup at the end of the night?”

“That’s her. The one who looks like Sephora threw up on her face. Too bad you can’t apply makeup on the inside to make something more attractive. Because she is a real peach.”

“Bottle of your best house red,” Desi requests, and then flips open the leather bound menu placed in front of him. “How’d you meet her?”

“Well, it turns out she doesn’t just have the gall to wear real fur. She also has the gall to go after married men. And in this case, MY man.”

“Uh oh. Something tells me this didn’t end well.”

“I’m very protective of what’s mine. Maybe some people would call it possessive.”

“I definitely would call it that. Not that I blame you. I’d be the same way. Hell, I’d probably never let him leave the damn house.”

“I know what a good thing I have. I know how hot my husband is. I’ve seen him naked. Many times. What’s underneath? Even better than what’s on top. And what’s on top? That’s really damn good, know what I mean?”

“I know what you mean. And I’m just saying, I wouldn’t protest if you sent me nudes of him. Our little secret.”

“My husband IS hot. And he’s beautiful and he’s amazing and he’s this walking study in masculinity. But he’s just that. MY husband. I don’t share. With anyone.”

“Tell me about it. I’ve spent three years begging you just to let me cop a feel.”

“So I don’t appreciate some thirsty female from five doors down, honing in my territory. No one is pissing in my front yard. No one. And it’s not just that I’m possessive and there’s no way in hell I’m sharing great dick, but Tyler isn’t like that. He doesn’t do shit like that. He is a lot of things, but a cheater is not one of them. That is one thing I’ve never had to worry about. He is loyal. Fiercely loyal. And he’s had his chances. If he wanted to stray, he would have. Easily.”

“Never struck me as the type who would. He’s way too in love with you. Way too faithful. I see the way he looks at you. Stars and hearts in his eyes. He definitely thinks rainbows and butterflies fly out your ass. So this Natalie…”

“They met at the park. He took Tanner there; after their morning out. And this Natalie was there. Tyler made small talk. And small talk is even exaggerating. Tyler doesn’t do small talk. Any talk, for that matter.”

Desi nods in agreement. “Took me damn near a whole weekend just to get him to say two words. That voice though? Woody. Instant.”

“Well I guess Natalie took his small talk for something else entirely. Which I don’t get, because Tyler is civil, at best. He’s just not a people person. He tries. But you know what he’s like. How he comes across. He’s very rough around the edges and doesn’t take shit and doesn’t care for formalities. He’s a man of very few words. Whatever words he said, she read way too much into. She showed up at the house. Looking for him.”

Desi looks up from his menu, a scowl forming on his face. “She did not.”

“Oh, she very much did. And get this. She made him cookies.”

“What kind of cookies?”

Esme stares at him pointedly.

“I like details. I’m detail oriented. I can’t help it.”

“Oatmeal raisin.”

“The most traitorous cookie out of them all. For shame. I’m disappointed. If you want a man to climb in your bed, you don’t lead with oatmeal raisin. Please tell me your man don’t like that shit.”

“Rest assured, he hates them and your opinion and lust for him can stay intact. But you can believe that? She came calling on my husband. She brought him cookies. And I’m pretty sure if he’d been home, she would have offered him HER cookie.”

“Probably just as nasty as the ones she makes. Probably got cobwebs and dust bunnies and all that shit. Maybe even a barbed wire fence blocking the entrance. So what happened?”

“Well, she got the cold shoulder and snarkiness from Millie first.”

“That’s my girl.”

“And then I talked to her and she was bitchy and off hand and she’s lucky I didn’t throat punch her. She had all kinds of snarky things to say. About my name, about my appearance, about having so many kids. I let her know that I wasn’t having any of her shit. That I was onto her. I told her I didn’t know what kind of married men she was used to, but my husband isn’t one of them. That he wasn’t...and never would be...interested.”

“And?”

“And she left. We fed the cookies to the dogs. Or tried to. Even they didn’t like them. Man’s best friend, indeed.”

A waitress brings the wine; cheerfully introducing herself before taking their orders. Desi waits until she leaves before uncorking the bottle and filling both glasses. Offering a toast to a warm and safe Christmas holiday and the perks and perils of love and friendships. And they’re in the middle of sharing stories of his last trip to Australia -his encounters with the both the ‘friendly neighbourhood Aussies’ and the wildlife that so freely roams and enjoys their stretch of land- when her cell phone loudly vibrates within the confines of her purse. Had Tyler not been out with all of the children and it not been a common thing to often run into some kind of issues with handling so many bodies, she would have just ignored it. And she wishes she had; frowning at the number splashed across the screen and then dropping the phone back into her bag.

“Your mom again?”

Nodding, she takes a swallow of wine. “Third time already today. Only four or five more to go. Maybe she’ll even make it an even dozen before sundown.”

“Can she not read the signs? It’s quite obvious you don’t want to speak to her. What’s her issue?”

“It’s probably easier to ask ‘what isn’t her issue?’. There’s many. So very, very, VERY many.”

“I already know about what she was like you when were growing up. I’m surprised you turned out as normal and sane as you are. It’s more than that?”

“So much more, Des. Where do you want me to start?”

“Start with the biggest one. Or most recent.”

“She hates Tyler. With the passion of a thousand fiery suns. The seventh layer of hell? I don’t think that even burns as hot as her hate for him.”

“Why? He’s a good guy. Treats you right, loves his kids. Will fight like hell to protect what’s us. Die for it, even. What’s to hate?”

“So you know how Tyler and I met. The whole ‘pretend husband and wife’ thing.”

“Yeah, to find Ovi and save him. What about it?”

“Well you also know what happened. During those five days in Dhaka. Between Tyler and I. Believe me when I say that I’m not normally like that. Spend nearly a week banging a guy I barely know. Unprotected, at that. And at the risk of too much information, Tyler was only the third guy I’d ever been with. Sexually speaking. So what happened between us? Totally uncharacteristic for me. It was unconventional. How we met. But, it worked out. We wanted more. We wanted to get to know each other. See if we could make something out of nothing. And we did. We made a life. A beautiful life. And seven little human beings.”

“And she’s got a problem with that because…?”

“After what happened on the bridge, I decided to stay. At the hospital he was flown to in Mumbai. It was touch and go and he didn’t have anyone else and if he wasn’t going to make it, I didn’t want him to be alone. He deserved better than that. And a week later they brought him out of the medically induced coma and he was breathing on his own and he woke up and he was so happy to see me. You should have seen how he smiled at me, Des. He has a beautiful smile. But that? That smile he gave when he realized I was real and I was actually sitting there? By his bed? I had never seen anything like that and I’ve never seen anything like it since. He was happy and relieved and he wanted me there. He even said he was scared to close his eyes at night because he was afraid I wouldn’t be there when he woke up.”

“He was already head over heels for ya. Guess that was his way of telling you.”

“When the hospital said they were shipping him to another back in Australia, he asked if I would go with him. By then I was already invested. I mean, it was three weeks later and I’d already spent time helping him feed himself and getting him on his feet and to the bathroom and taking him to in-patient physio and all of that. I was already in love with him. Of course I was going to Australia. It was never in doubt.”

“And let me guess, it ruffled your mother’s feathers.”

Nodding, Esme takes a long sip of wine. “She wasn’t in control. Of me. And she couldn’t stand it. Neither she or my brothers no longer had in any say in how I was going to live my life. The Esme they knew? She died on that bridge. Or maybe she was left behind. I had a chance. To make a new life for myself. And I took it. I went to Australia and I decided that was where I wanted to be. I wanted to be with HIM. So I took what money we had and I got us an apartment and he put me in charge of handling everything; medical decisions, financial stuff. And then, I found out I was having Millie. Which, to be honest, wasn’t a huge surprise because what do you expect when you spend five days having totally unprotected sex? And I told Tyler and I gave him a choice. If he didn’t want me or the baby, I’d walk away and I’d go home and I’d never contact him again. I told him I didn’t expect anything from him. And I didn’t want him feeling obligated to me or the baby.”

“That must have went over well.”

“Well, needless to say, he wanted the baby. And me. So I stuck around. I was by his side through his whole hospital stay and through all the therapy and his stint in rehab and then we settled down in our new life. And we got married and had Millie. My family? They couldn’t stand it. They couldn’t accept it. They couldn’t accept HIM.”

“All because you decided to make a new life for yourself?”

“That was it. Tyler became public enemy number one. My mom convinced everyone that he stole me away. That he was manipulative and abusive and that I was scared to leave him.”

“Jesus Christ…”

“Right? Tyler is so far from manipulative or abusive. He lived that life. He was on the receiving end of that. And he’s tried his hardest not to walk in his father’s footsteps. And believe me, he’s nothing like his old man. Not in the slightest. But no matter how much or how hard I argue, she doesn’t listen to me. She sees him as this horrible person. That took her baby girl away. And when he had the nerve to stick up for me? Against her and my brothers? That made things worse! You think they would have been happy. I found this amazing man who’s totally in love with me; who sees past all my bullshit and my ugly parts. That should have been enough for them. A guy that’s made me the centre of his universe. Who makes me happy and who I love more than I ever thought I COULD love someone. Who helped me make seven incredible little human beings. Why isn’t any of that enough?”

“I don’t know,” Desi says. “I wish I did. I wish I had the answers. ALL the answers.”

“Yet they practically idolize Mark. It makes no sense. They knew what he was like. They knew he was abusive. And they enabled him. They gaslighted me just as much as he did. And I would have left a thousand times over had they not constantly pressured me into giving him another chance. Had they not convinced me that everything was my fault. My mom stayed friends with him. Right up until he died. What kind of sick person does that? Stays friends with their own kid’s abuser?”

“You hit the nail on the head. A sick one.”

“Constantly kissing his ass and making him out to be some kind of white knight yet having all this shit to say about Tyler. They hate him because he refuses to be like them. Because he stands up to them. Because for once, someone loves me enough to have my back. That’s it. That’s why they hate him. And the things they’ve said? Especially since finding out he’s a mercenary? Constantly wishing death on him? Saying him dying would be the best thing to happen to me and the kids? Who says things like that? I almost lost Addie because of her. I came back from Ireland because I found out I was pregnant and my mom got on her bullshit and I almost lost my baby. Tyler came all the way back just to make sure I was okay. He wouldn’t have done it if he’s even a fraction as evil as they claim he is.”

“You realize it that isn’t really about him, right? That it’s all them. Because they don’t have that control. Over you.”

“I thought it would be all over and done with when we kicked my brother to the curb. I thought once he and Tyler had it out and Tyler kicked the shit out of him, that would be it. That we’d never hear from any of them again. You know how peaceful it’s been? Five years of no phone calls, no text messages, no emails. Five years of pure bliss. And now this…” she nods down at the purse sitting in her lap. “...her on my ass every day, multiple times a day. Isn’t it enough that I acknowledge that the kids received their Christmas gifts? That I showed appreciation and I said they’d send thank you cards? You think that would be enough. Our lives have been so good. Quiet and happy and peaceful. And it’s like she knows that. It’s like she knows how good things are and just has to screw it all up.”

“Normally I say just ignore them. Just wash toxic people out of your life and keep them out of your life. But if she’s as determined as she is, it’s only going to get worse. She won’t stop trying to get a hold of you. And as hard as it’ll be to talk to her, that might be the only way to get her to stop. Let her know. Say ‘thanks, but no thanks’.”

“I can not allow her back into my life. OUR lives. I can’t allow any of them back in. I will NOT have my kids surrounded by that ugliness. I will not have people around them that talk shit about their father. Because you know what? I know he’s not perfect. I know he has his issues. He’s the first one to admit it. But he is an amazing dad and he is totally devoted to those kids and they love him beyond all comprehension. And I won’t allow people to talk about him like that. I won’t allow them to break my kids’ hearts…” her voice cracks with emotion, and she takes a swallow of wine to clear away the lump sitting square in her throat. “....I won’t let anyone talk about Tyler like that. He’s not a perfect man, but he’s a good man. And he loves me and he loves his kids. He saved me, Des. In every way a person can be saved. And I won’t let anyone disrespect him like that.”

“Tell them that. Tell them EXACTLY that.”

“I have. I have said it until I was practically blue in the face. They don’t care. They say I’m ‘defending my abuser’. In what alternate universe is he considered an abuser? He has never...ever...raised a hand to me. He’s always said he’d kill himself before he ever let things get that out of control. That he’d never be able to live with himself if he even thought about hurting me like that. And maybe in a way, I DO understand some of the way they think. He’s lived a hard life. A violent life. First the military, then as a mercenary. Yes, he’s killed people. With his bare hands. But he’s never done it because he wanted to. Or because he enjoyed it. He did it because he HAD to. Because it was either him or them. He is not a monster. Regardless of what they think. Or even he thinks sometimes.”

“You’ve never been scared of him?”

“Never. And you know what? If he WANTED to, he could do some serious damage to me. He could kill me. No question about it. But that thought has never, ever crossed my mind. I’ve never been afraid of him. Not even at his worst. When he went back to drinking all the time and abusing the pain meds and we fought constantly. And yeah, there were times he DID lose it. Where he put a fist through the wall or grabbed me trying to stop me from walking away or trying to calm me down and talk some sense into me. But I’ve never been scared of him. Because even at his worst, I knew he loved me. I knew none of his issues were about me. That was him and his brain and not knowing how to cope. And they just don’t get it. They think he’s somehow frightened me into sticking around. That he’s been forcing me to have children. Because it somehow keeps me around.”

“Sounds more like they have the issues. Not you guys.” Desi reaches for the bottle of wine, refilling both their glasses.

“We’re not perfect. And Lord knows we have had some really shitty times. Where we didn’t think we were going to make it. But you know what? We did. We fixed our shit and we made things work. We both busted our asses to change. And he still busts his ass every day to make up for all the bad. We work at it, Des. Every day we work at it. Because we love each other and we both know what it's like to be from a broken home. And we won’t do that to our kids. We won’t let them grow up like that. So we work at it. And it hasn’t been easy. But there’s been more great times than bad times.”

“You two are strong. What you got is strong. No one can deny that. I’ve seen it. With my own two eyes.”

“I will not let my family ruin us. They tried. And in Colorado, they almost succeeded. But we got away. We moved back home. Our REAL home. And we never looked back. I won’t let them destroy things for us. Not when we’ve worked so hard to get where we are.”

“You’re going to have to deal with her, Esme. She isn’t going to go away. Not from what I’ve seen.”

“And I will. I WILL talk to her. After Christmas. I just want to get through the holiday. I just want things to be happy and peaceful. Especially for the kids. I don’t want anyone ruining Christmas for them. Once it’s over and things calm down, I WILL talk to her. But right now? I can’t do it. I just can’t.”

“It’s all going to be alright,” Desi assures her, and reaches across the table to give her hand a comforting squeeze. “Everything’s going to work out.”

“Tyler isn’t perfect. He’s the first one to admit that. In the same way I’m not. But you know what? We’re perfect for each other. And in the end, that’s all that matters.”

*****

When she arrives home she finds the three littlest fast asleep; tightly snuggled together on the area rug in front of the Christmas tree and covered by the knitted throw usually draped over the back of the sofa. Saju and Mac nap close by; curled up together in front of the front of the fireplace and merely blinking their eyes in a form of acknowledging her presence. She can hear Millie and Alannah upstairs; giggling and chattering, their feet stomping overhead as they play a dance game on the XBox. The three oldest boys are out in the backyard; laughter drifting inside as they hide behind ‘fortress’ walls and lob snowballs at one another. It's rare to see the three of them enjoying time together. Tanner normally not comfortable with the more raucous play and choosing quiet time; up in his room reading a book or writing stories or building intricate lego scenes in front of the fireplace.

She stands in the sunroom and watches them; smiling at how jovial and lighthearted they are. Their faces bright and happy; no cares in the world aside from the balls of snow and ice being tossed in their direction. Despite everything they’d been through, they’re spirits so brilliant and bubbly, continuing to love the world and everyone in it. Tanner and TJ (along with Millie) are able to remember the more difficult times in Colorado and being whisked to Mumbai under false pretenses; told they were going on a family vacation only to be sent back to Australia without either parent and then told their father very well might never come home. They still talk about it from time to time; how scary it had been to be away from both mom AND dad and how worried they’d been when they thought their daddy may never make it back to them. They’re able to vividly recall visiting him in the hospital; the scars and bruises on his face that had been in various stages of healing, the sling keeping his badly wounded and surgically repaired shoulder in place, the ‘cage’ that had encased his right thigh, the tremendous amount of weight and muscle he had lost. It HAD been traumatic; more than two months without their father under the same roof and seeing him so wounded and vulnerable.

They’d needed their own therapy; the trauma manifesting itself through moments of rage and aggression and troubles sleeping at night. A child psychologist recommended to them by Doctor Klein had done them all a world of good; disguising therapy with music and play and helping them express their emotions and their fears. And within six months they were back to their old selves; grades climbing and their social skills improving, the rage and aggression diminishing. It still haunts them from time to time; a fear that returns whenever daddy has to leave home for work. But for the most part they’ve healed exceptionally well; full of energy and light and humour and possessing enormous amounts of compassion and empathy.

She finds Tyler in the main floor office; a central area of the main floor that had been the previous owner’s sewing and craft room. It’s close enough to keep an ear out for the kids; able to hear them both inside and out. And a security system enables him to keep an eye on any area of the house; live images cast back to the flat screen television mounted on the wall above the desk. Five years years ago she would have called him paranoid for insisting on such measures. Overprotective, even. But that was until someone had gotten close enough to Addie to steal a stuffed animal right out of her crib. Had the culprit wanted her, she would have been long gone in the middle of the night. And they most likely never would have seen her again. The terror of that night is still very real; the thought of someone reaching across her tiny body to take something so simple in the course of sending a very clear message.

After that, Esme had vowed to never call him paranoid or overprotective again. Evil had gotten too close. WAY too close. And she now understands his fierce and rabid determination to do whatever it takes to keep his family safe.

She watches him from the doorway; intently working at the computer. Admiring the glasses perched upon his face and the lines of his profile; the strong, stubbled jaw and the curve of his lips and the bump in the bridge of his nose. The scars that had long ago become part of him. Marring the left side of his forehead and by his left eye; old wounds that he’d possessed when they’d first met. A handful of others have been added since then. The edge of a metal shovel cutting wide and deep; the scar travelling from the very corner of his right eye and up his forehead and snaking up into his hairline. And the ones left behind from Nathan. The one above his eyebrow thin and faint, the one below his eye much wider and jagged and stretching all the way to his temple. That one had been the worst; deep enough for the knife blade to hit bone and cause irreparable damage to nerves and muscle. And while most would see them as blemishes and flaws, she sees it as adding to his beauty; souvenirs of not only a hard and dangerous life, but of survival.

“Hey,” she greets as she wanders into the room. “What’cha doing, handsome?”

“Just some shit that came up. I would have ignored it, but…”

She stands at the back of his chair. Fingers and thumbs rubbing at tense shoulder muscles before wrapping both arms around his neck; leaning over him and presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth, followed by his temple. “Everything alright?”

“Koen ran into some issues. On the job he took. Not going as smooth as we’d hoped it would. Just had to send him some extra cash. And put him in contact with someone who could get him some extra gear.”

“He’s alright though? He’s not in any trouble?”

“He’s fine. Nothing he can’t handle. I know I said I wouldn’t bother with work stuff until we go back home, but…”

“Sometimes it can’t be helped. It’s the nature of the beast. It isn't the most predictable of careers. I’m glad to see you survived your day out with the spawn. Is your sanity still intact?”

“What was left of it. I don’t know how much I had to begin with.”

“I also noticed all seven AND Alannah made it back. Success.”

“They were good. No trouble. They all behaved themselves. Shockingly.”

“Your feral offspring all behaving at once? Hell must have frozen over.”

He gives a small chuckle, then turns his face into her and presses a chaste kiss to her lips. A frown tugging at the corners of his mouth as he pulls back to look at her.

“What’s that look for?”

“Why do you still have your hat on? It’s fucking boiling in here.”

“It’s part of my surprise. I have something to show you.”

“Yeah?” A slow grin begins to spread across his face. “I’ve already seen you naked. Many times. Not that it’s not awesome each time it happens. I’m not complaining.”

“As much as I’d love to just drop my clothes right here and rock your world, it’s something else. I did something. While I was out.”

“New ink?”

“Nope.”

“You got something pierced, didn’t you. Something naughty. Something very naughty.”

“You wish. Those days are long behind me. But it is a surprise. And I want you to promise you won’t freak out. When you see it.”

“How bad is it? Usually when you tell me not to freak out, it’s pretty fucking bad.”

“It’s not bad. It’s just...surprising. You ready?”

“Is it a good thing I’m already sitting down?”

“It’s probably for the best. Turn your chair towards me and close your eyes.”

“Esme…”

“Tyler…”

“What the hell have you done?”

“Just do it. Humour me. Please.”

“Fine.” Turning his back towards the computer, he closes his eyes. “This isn’t where you tell me you want to try pegging is it? Because I thought I’ve already made it perfectly clear that there is no fucking chance of that happening. EVER.”

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s nothing sexual. Get your mind out the gutter, sheesh.”

“I’m sorry, have we met? It permanently lives in the gutter.”

“Never mind viagra. Maybe they can give you something to calm your dick down.”

“You’d miss it. Don’t deny it. It would hurt you just as much as it would hurt me. Are we going to do this surprise sometime today or…?”

Removing the knit beanie from her head, she tosses it out the desk and then runs her fingers through her hair. She feels naked and exposed; the dark tresses that had once reached the middle of her back now shorn and styled into a side parted, sleek bob that skims her earlobes. “Promise you won’t freak out.”

“I promise I won’t lose my shit.”

“Okay...open them...but remember, no freaking out.”

“I don’t know what the big deal is. If it’s nothing dirty or kinky or piercing of some kind…” His eyes flutter open, then slowly widen as the reality of what’s before him sets in.

“You hate it don’t you.”

“I don’t hate it. I just...wow...that’s...NOT what I was expecting.”

“You do, don’t you. Hate it. I knew you would. You always hate when I do something with my hair. Like when I decided to get bangs.”

“In all fairness, I didn’t hate them. I just wasn’t a fan.”

“But you HATE this? This haircut. You hate it being so short, don’t you.”

“Actually…” he slides the chair closer to her and lays his hands on her hips. “...I love it.”

“Yeah?” A smile replaces the nervous frown. “Really?”

“Really. I wouldn’t lie to you, Me. That’s not who I am. Not anymore, anyway.”

“You sure you like it? You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?”

“I think you look beautiful. It suits you. You got this cute, tiny little face. Your hair shows it off. I really do love it. You look amazing.”

Placing her hands on the sides of his face, she leans down to kiss him. “It was time for a change. Something different. Something I didn’t have to spend hours on when we go out. You’re sure? One hundred percent? You really do love it?”

“I do. You look beautiful.” Laying a palm on the back of her head, he pulls her down into a kiss. And she laughs into his mouth when his free hand latches onto her hip and she loses her balance and topples into him. “You’re beautiful, Me. Always.”

“I really was worried you wouldn’t like it,” she says, as she settles herself sideways on his thighs. “So you’ve made my day. My year, actually.”

“It suits you. You look amazing, baby. I wouldn’t lie about that.”

“Speaking of making my year, I’m about to make yours.”

“We’re talking about butt stuff, aren’t we.”

“No!” she laughs, and playfully tousles his hair. “I mean, maybe later. When the kids are out.”

“Where are they going? You banishing them to the backyard?”

“Desi offered to take them.”

“All of them?”

“Every last one. Even Alannah. He’s going to take them out for dinner and to Central Park. To see Santa and the reindeer. Maybe do some skating. And then, he’s going to take them to his place. They’re going to have a camp out. In the living room.”

“So we get the house to ourselves? All night?”

“All night,” she confirms. “And well into the morning. You know what that means?”

“Butt stuff.”

She sighs in exasperation. “I means you don’t have to wait until New Years Eve for wild and crazy AND noisy sex with your wife.”

“We might have to tone down the noise. The kids will be right next door. They could still hear us.”

“That’s a fair point. So noisy is out. But wild and crazy are definitely in.”

Tyler grins. “I can do wild and crazy.”

“Oh, I know you can. You’re a master at it. A master at anything sexual, now that I think about it. Man, did I ever luck out. Landing you.”

“I don’t know, I think I’m the lucky one. Girl like you putting up with my shit? You’re one in a million, babe. No doubt about it.”

“I love you,” she says, pressing a kiss to his ear and then nuzzling his temple with the tip of her nose. “More than you could ever know. And thank you. For being you. And for loving me the way you do.”

Smiling, he turns his face into hers and places his lips to her brow; a hand coming up to comb through her hair, palm settling on the nape of her neck. “You’ve made it pretty damn easy.”

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[fandomshatelgbtqpeople]

mod a’s lgbt musicals

Hi there! I’m a big theatre kid so I thought for pride month I’d put together a list of LGBTQ musicals. Despite its association with queer people, musical theatre is not known for its amazing representation. I’ve put together a list here of musicals I know of with queer characters. I’ve tried to avoid those where the queer characters are incredibly minor roles or those where the representation is just not good enough to be salvageable (*side eyes Legally Blonde*) I know there are many musicals I will have missed out but these are the ones I am most aware of. Feel free to add more! So without further ado, here it is.

Fun Home

The big Tony winner of 2015! Based on Alison Bechdel, a butch lesbian cartoonist. At the age of 43, she looks for new material by trying to explore her past and her relationship with her closeted gay dad. Looks back at a version of herself when she was 10 and a “tomboy” and at 19 when she came out and got her first girlfriend. Has very cute lighthearted moments as well as very sad moments. Has a beautiful song where small Alison sees a butch deliverywoman. Problems in that since the original broadway cast, Alison’s costume has got less butch. Content warning for suicide.

Here’s their Tony performance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMAuesRJm1E

The Color Purple

Based on Alice Walker’s novel about black women in the 1930s. Follows Celie who has been abused by men her whole life who discovers she is a lesbian but also makes a journey of self discovery and learns to love herself. Her love interest is a bisexual woman. Won best revival at the Tonys in 2016. Content warning for discussion/implied sexual abuse.

Here’s their Tony performance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3k2xzQyT2bk

Everybody’s Talking About Jamie

A teenage gay boy in Sheffield wants to be a drag queen and go to prom in a dress.Also a nice touch that is does not focus on him having a relationship (since he is sixteen) and him having to come out as he is already out. Focuses on his close relationship with his supportive mother. Has a diverse cast. Jamie is currently played by a black actor and his best friend wears a hijab and has a very diverse ensemble as well. Unfortunately has a part where Jamie responds to a homophobic bully by calling him a bunch of ableist and classist slurs.

Here’s a clip of the most popular song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7C3FuFWDdw

The Prom

Emma is a lesbian teenager in Indiana whose prom is cancelled by the PTA after she requests to bring her girlfriend to it. A group of Broadway actors come down to help her campaign to be allowed to attend prom, as well as styling her, helping her work on her confidence and educating the town’s people. What ensues is basically a two hour musical episode of Queer Eye. Cheesy and fun with so many musical theatre references crammed in. My one issue is that the show is rather harsh on people who are closeted since Emma has conflicted with her girlfriend Alyssa because she is not ready to come out.

Here’s a clip of their Tony performance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGcG_r5xv3E

Rent

Probably the most well known on this list. Artists in New York during the AIDS crisis. Two of the main couples featured are queer: Maureen is bisexual and in a relationship with Joanne who is a lesbian, and Angel is a transgender woman of color in a relationship with Collins, a presumably bisexual man. However, she tends to be played bi cis men and there are instances of her being misgendered by the main characters uncritically. In Rent Live (2019), all instances of her being misgendered were removed and her gender identity was confirmed. She was played in this by Valentina, an nb drag queen and has also been played by Pose’s MJ Rodriguez, a trans woman. Very diverse with Jewish characters and people of colour and in the live show, only 1 of the 8 main characters was white. Has been criticised over the years, mainly for its biphobic portrayal of Maureen who is promiscuous and implied to cheat, but in the 90s did a lot for the LGBTQ community and is more progressive than a lot of media even now.

Here’s a clip of Maureen and Joanne from Rent Live: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06oCfKYYPTY

And here’s some Angel and Collins: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hl-M94o_x8

Falsettos

Marvin comes out as gay in the late 70s but decides to move his ex wife and son in with his boyfriend. Addresses AIDS crisis in Act 2. Has “lesbians from next door” in act 2. F Revived on Broadway in 2016. All of the characters are Jewish. Unfortunately, in revival casts, very few actors tend to be Jewish.

Here’s the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjnAHOdMQVk

Come From Away

In the aftermath of 9/11, 38 planes are diverted to a small town in Canada called Gander. Shows people of different races and nationalities bonding in a scary time. Addresses Islamophobia. Has one song called Prayer where prayers from different religions overlap. Has an interracial gay couple called Kevin and Kevin. They break up in the end but are very important characters. Won best direction of a musical in 2017. The Broadway production starred Jenn Colella who has referred to herself as ‘mostly gay’.

Here’s a clip of Jenn Colella singing a song from the musical: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8ukgH6U-d0

Head Over Heels

Honestly I don’t quite know what this musical is about, even by reading the plot summary and listening to the soundtrack. I know it’s set in a Tudor fantasy world and that there are wlw couples as well as an explicitly non binary character, played by Peppermint, a trans woman, and that there are interracial couples and plus sized actors. It is a jukebox musical using songs by the Go-Gos and yes the wlw anthem that is Heaven is a Place on Earth is one of them. The soundtrack is fantastic even if you can’t follow what is going on.

Here are some show clips: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx2qQ7QAPm0

Spring Awakening

German school kids in the 19th century discovering their sexuality. Two of the schoolboy supporting characters, Ernst and Hänschen, have a romance when they have a reprise of an earlier song in Act 2.  A BIG content warning as it has graphic discussions of rape and songs about it and a sex scene with very dubious consent. However there was a very wonderful 2016 revival using deaf actors and sign language.

This is another one you can very easily find the full show of on YouTube which I won’t link. However here’s the Tony performance for the revival: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSagsMcak4Q

If/Then

A woman named Elizabeth (originally played by Idina Menzel) moves to New York after a divorce and contemplated how different her life would be if she took two different paths. Four supporting queer characters. Her ex-boyfriend is bisexual and played by Anthony Rapp (who is bisexual in real life) and he gets a boyfriend in one timeline. Another of her friends is a lesbian called Kate who marries her girlfriend in the musical. Problems occur as in both timelines, cheating goes on in the lesbian relationship although they stay together in one. Elizabeth also says she doesn’t believe in bisexuals, a view no one ever challenges her on, however Lucas is very clearly bisexual which is some proof for the audience that she is wrong.

I’m not going to link it here but there are many very high quality bootlegs on it on YouTube if you want to watch,

Ghost Quartet

A bit of a weird one. This is more of a concept album. There are four performers who each play instruments and they tell the stories of many interconnected timelines. It is very hard to explain but there are souls travelling through time who keep being reincarnated as different people with different relationships to each other which usually end with one woman killing the other. In the song Soldier & Rose, the ghosts Rose and Pearl are lovers as Rose seduces the soldier for her honey.  In the song Four Friends, for one chorus the men sing “I like to put my hand on a pretty girls’s knee” and the women sing “pretty boy’s knee” and then they switch for the next chorus so they’re all bisexual. In general, a lot of fun if you like weird musicals and I mean really weird.

The full show is online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJSaEJm8pCE

Mean Girls

Yes there’s a musical of it. I was not looking forward to it when it was announced but have actually grown to quite like it. It’s hardly lyrical genius but the songs are fun and a lot of the problematic aspects of the film have been fixed. Damian is more explicitly gay in the musical and sings about an ex boyfriend in one song. Janis is heavily implied to be a lesbian (confirmed by actress offstage) and she doesn’t end up with Kevin Gnapoor. She is played by a queer actress in the tour cast. Both queer characters are much bigger roles than in the movie and get several songs each. I’d consider the musical to be quite white feminist but it does address issues such as the sexualisation of teenage girls and the notion that to be ‘sexy’ is ‘empowering’.

Here’s a clip of one of Damian’s songs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-zM6QKkxEQ

& Juliet

An English jukebox musical about what might have happened to Juliet in Romeo and Juliet if she had not died at the end. I haven’t seen it but I’ve listened to the soundtrack and it is mainly comprised of 21st century songs by women. One of Juliet’s best friends is non binary although is played by a cis man as far as we know. Also I went to the same school as one of the actors which is a bonus for me. Very diverse cast.

Here’s a trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dm2k9nS3o20

In Transit

A capella musical about several people’s adventures on New York public transport. Two of the main characters in this ensemble cast are an interracial gay couple where both are pocs. They are engaged but one of them is having trouble coming out to his mother. I found it refreshing in that his fiance for the most part was not upset with him at his struggles in coming out and they were both able to live fulfilling lives despite this. I am always astonished by the talent of a cappella singers.

Here’s a trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhvik6qoass  Another one where the bootleg can be found very easily on YouTube

Firebringer

Remember A Very Potter Musical? Well, the company that did that are still putting out new pieces of theatre on their YouTube channel. In 2016, they put out their ridiculous comedy musical Firebringer, about a group of bisexual cavewomen. I won’t spoil the ending but trust me, it’s great. You may know it from the viral clip of one of the main characters singing ‘I don’t really wanna do the work today.’

You can watch the full musical here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmVuNlu0LCk

Special Mentions

Company

Musical by Stephen Sondheim about a man unable to commit to a relationship, surrounded by his friends who are all in couples. However, the award-winning 2018 West End revival chose to change the genders of some of the characters. The main character Robert became ‘Bobbie’ (although all of her love interests were gender-swapped as well). One of the originally M/F couples became an M/M couple. It opened on Broadway for about a week before the Covid outbreak so that will be one to look out for.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtDK03y4gT0

In the Heights

A musical by Lin-Manuel Miranda about the Latin American community living in Washington Heights in New York. The original theatre production has no explicitly queer characters. However, in the upcoming movie version (that was meant to be released this summer but has been pushed back to next summer) it has been confirmed that the characters of Daniela and Carla (Daphne Rubin-Vega and Stephanie Beatriz) will be explicitly a couple.

I absolutely love this musical and the trailer for the movie looks beautiful check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0CL-ZSuCrQ

[nerdygaymormon]

Hey David! The church is really uh, intense about getting married young. I’m bi/ace and about 24 and I just don’t see any prospect for the near future and it’s wearing on my self confidence, do you have any advice for how to accept yourself when you feel like a failure in this aspect? I wanted to send a message to another queer Mormon plus you always seem to have great advice

The pressure in the church to be married is INTENSE. Everything revolves around married couples with kids. Even our theology says you must be married for the best spot in heaven. Over and over we hear the message not to delay, don’t wait, make it happen already. The Family™ is the idol we worship at church.

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I think what helps is to have some perspective.

Average age of when people enter their first marriage has increased, both nationwide and in the Church, and that’s a good thing.

Outside the church, the average marriage age in the U.S. is 29 for men and 27 for women. In Utah the average age for a first marriage for women is 24 and for men at 26. For church members, the average is a bit lower, about age 22. If that’s the average, then lots of people still aren’t married at that age.

________  

Most of our top church leaders are from a time when the average age for marriage was lower, and it worked out well for them, and it colors their views. But I always thought it interesting that Thomas S. Monson waited to get married until he had earned his bachelor’s degree.   

________

Early marriage is associated with higher divorce rates and future poverty. The combination of social immaturity, being uneducated, and on the edge financially can be really stressful.

________  

We teach people that not only is marriage important, it’s forever. It’s no wonder that people want to get it right and they’re being responsible by not rushing into anything.

________   

If you want to be married, one thing I’ve observed is eventually most people find someone who fits them. Every pot finds a lid. Our church has a hopeful message that if you wanted to be married in this life and weren’t able to, that can be fixed during the Millennium. 

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I’m gay and not allowed to marry and still be part of this church. I’m barred from what the Church teaches is the purpose of life, the source of greatest happiness and the highest goals of the church.

I have to affirm myself because the Church doesn’t.

My psychologist had me think about these things, perhaps they’ll also be useful for you:

What does a successful life look like to you?

What are some personal goals you want to accomplish?

If you don’t want to marry, for whatever reason, or aren’t ready now, is there anything in your life you feel is missing that a partner would fulfill? If so, are there ways to fill those missing parts?

Being married/not being married is not a pass/fail grade for life. Successful lives are had by single people and married people.

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The apostle Paul says that singleness is a gift from God. 

Single people are spared the “troubles” of marriage. There are many great blessings in marriage, but there are difficulties too. 

Single people can devote themselves more fully to God’s work

Being single can be hard. When God saw Adam on his own in the Garden of Eden, he said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” It’s okay to recognize the hardships that come with being single, such as loneliness, the need to connect with others, not having someone you can depend on & can trust completely. No one splits the chores & errands with me, I have to do them all.

Being single doesn’t mean being second best.

Not being married is far better than being in a bad marriage.