#and it’s like. we keep think abt it. and have consistent motivation for it. over the past couple days at least

[echidnana]

where did this burst of motivation come from…

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

good night, or whatever time of day it is for you 😅 i was never rly into the “traitor/evil ace” theories but book 7 has got me thinking; everyone who’s asleep has something that bothers them and so there dream is a simple solution to that, as an example epel being insecure about not feeling masculine so in his dream he’s big and buff. But I can’t think of any motivations like that for ace? So I wonder if maybe the game has intentionally not revealed personal details as a buildup for this book and we’ll find out something new abt him in his dream. The only others I could think of that don’t seem like they want to change anything are Jade and Floyd but I could be wrong.

I never bought the traitor Ace theories either; he is genuinely friends with Yuu, Deuce, and Grim and does not have any obvious malicious intent toward them. (Why would he make the tedious trip back to Sage’s Island over the winter break to respond to Yuu’s SOS message if he didn’t actually value them? And, mind you, this is during a break he was very looking forward to—so much so that he was willing to make a deal with Azul to take the easy way out to pass final exams).

If he “betrays” us at all, I definitely think it would be in a small way. Like maybe he makes a selfish decision that the rest of the group don’t agree with (such as throwing himself right at OB Malleus). This would be similar to how he is consistently the voice of dissent against powerful figures such as Riddle or Malleus.

As for what’s “bothering” Ace, I believe we’ve already seen two big potential culprits: Yuu going back to their world and insecurities about not having developed his UM yet.

The former is more vague, but it comes up early in book 7; when Grim and Deuce realize that they may not be able to see Yuu again once they return to their original world, Ace cheerily dismisses the idea and tells them they’re not even sure if this will work. It could be read like he was deflecting here, as if he’s in denial himself and is using cheer to tell others what he’s telling himself to cope with the situation. Bro would never outright admit that his true feelings because he’s cheeky like that 💀

The latter option is implied much earlier in the main story, all the way back in book 5. Ace has been needling Deuce the whole book about how he’s such a slow learner and how Deuce will never keep up with him. Then at the end of book 5, Ace has a quick throwaway line in which he expresses shock that Deuce got his UM before he did. We have yet to follow up on this point since book 6 had Adeuce knocked out cold and book 7 scarcely features them. If Ace’s coping mechanisms are anything like what his lines in book 7 imply, then Ace has not talked about the upsetting things and instead kept them to himself. Personally, I think this one is a solid concept that wouldn’t seem entirely out of left field, especially given that book 7 is making a show out of having every student use their at least UM once. There is perfect set-up for Ace to come into his own here.

I think they’ll at least find something really convenient yet superficial for the other characters; after all, we pretty much got that with Rook. Maybe Floyd has the freedom to so whatever he wants without people getting on his case and Jade is free to live in the mountains among the mushrooms 😂

[roxyzwritez]

au writing shit idk

heres the Rough Plan for my first few eps:

ep1: the au branches off of canon in the final SU ep, Change Your Mind. renamed to Change Your World. when white yoinks the gem out of steven and pinksteven reforms and whiteasks W H E R E I S P I N K the response is something along the lines of "i am right here, but fuck you im not talking to you." (girlboss) and white gets the "im a child, what's your problem" and has the perfectionist meltdown, then steven's like "sorry but we gotta head out" and they're like "PINK WHAT THE FUCK?" steven goes "im not pink just leave earth alone" the gems agree and give steven The Legs™️.

pearl latches onto the idea that rose is still alive in there. (didn't write that tho just had it cut to this next bit oops) her and greg build a thing to connect to the gem that will essentially connect to pink/rose im just gonna call her rose damnit and allow her to communicate w everyone. shes like "...hey guys. uh. sorry for trying to kill myself i guess that didn't work but i have been minecraft spectating steven for the entirety of his existence with no ability to do anything but think and watch" pearl has a lesbian implosion, everyone's all happy n shit. steven eventually asks about the lying and she's like "yeag i done bad there. i just wanted to keep you guys together" (now that i think abt it there was no mention of bismuth here.. oops,) garnet gives her a Garnet Specil motivational speech and she's like "i missed you too garnet" (i forgot to mention, garnet violently explode-unfuses and ruby+sapphire are just bumbling with happy when rose spoke) amethyst has her own moment (she thought this was all bullshit and started playing fortnite upstairs but between games she heard rose and a p p e a r e d)

anyway rose then is thinking "oh man i gotta talk to so many ppl" and realizes eh guys nothing to worry abt just a HAPPY TO LISTEN, HAPPY TO STAY, HAPPILY WATCHING HER DR- but we should go there NOW" so they do, spinel is understandably distraught and breaks the gemspeaker in half but feels bad about it. she comes with the gang to earth, they show her around, a new gemspeaker is made and they reconcile. yippy! also spinel ate one of ALL. big donut flavors. sadie allowed this just for on e because steven is the LORD AND SAVIOR OF THE STEVEN UNIVERSE haha funny.

anyway she and bismuth talk. bis is kinda like "yeah i wasnt very gamer sorry about that herhee" again ignoring that SHE lied about the bubbling, conveniently forgot to explore that conversation for ease of writing and so i didn't need to go "how do i utilize my 2 iq points to channel these characters and get them to have a coherent, consistent to character conversation about this situation"

peri and lapis are called over by bismuth who doesn't say shit to them for the surprise. lapis is like "yeah ok hit me" peri is more curious. rose speaks, peridot fangirls and lapis is like "oh shit that's historically significant " peri is like "I NEED TO RESEARCH:)))" and runs off. spoiler: gem cloning

bis brings up the idea. rose is like "yeah that sounds legit" (the gem cloning conundrum took me way too long to understand. i drove my friend crazy. "hey can u explain every single quantum detail of this in the most verbose way i dont understand" but eventually i understood it JUUUUST enough to write it lmao i still don't get it)

rose n steven talk in roses room. all happy n shit. greg is told abt the plan and hes like oh shit i gotta clean up and steven is like "you know her standards. she don't give a shit" hes like "yeag"

peri makes progress! she made a little clump!! (explaining the gem cloning: theyre making essentially an empty gem with the powers but no consciousness inside. when its ready, white will take steven's gem out again, rose reforms, and the new gem gets ever so graciously stabbed into his belly where the old one was.)

peri tells steven its gonna take a year. he's like "well okay better than like hundreds of years" then he goes off to talk to the diamonds. he brings the speaker with. rose lets out the thousands of years of distrust and anger at the dismonds and they are humbled even more than when they got pinkd and rose is like "you WILL heal all the shattered ones i don't give a shit" and theyre like "whatever you say little one" (yes they do indeed heal the fallen. probably with regular shipments of steven fluid. that sounded wrong but im not a freak like that hes still 14)

also they go back home and steven talks to rose abt "you told the diamonds you literally wanted to die are you fr?" she explains and hes like YOU FATHERFUCKER, YOU ARE AMAZING AND YOU CAN'T DO THAT (crying)"

next episode is just year-long filler but i made it actually good by making it essentially a montage of lapis and peri in the barn becoming lesbian for eachother. finally, a controversial move on my part, they decide to overcome lapis's fear of fusion and fuse for stevens birthday. their fusion is turquoise (took way too long coming up with a fucking name) and can corrode (water + metal) and can morph/control metal (liquify n stuff. definitely not taken from a lapidot fusion concept i found on google images.) garnet is like "hey pearl look at these silly lesbians " pearls like "damn relatable" garnets like "yeag"

a week or a few after the bday, the gem is finally ready. everyone is excited until steven asks how this is gonna work. peri is like UHHHHH... 😊 and lapis is just "eh just take that one out, stick this one in!" peri goes NNNO- but after some damage control and telling everyone steven will be fine hes like "well i better get some good sleep then. big day!"

there's more but im done typing my fingers are about to go peridot and fuckin fly away let me know if you want the like 1other episode and the minisode after that

[spring-lxcked]

taking a small break to ramble incoherently abt my portrayal of william in what will be a very confusing post lmao

i'm thinking about how my portrayal, which draws inspiration from two specific characters at times, and how i apply that inspiration to william (which started off as the focus of the post before it derailed how did this get so long i'm sorry)

the first is (and i do hate to make this comparison ngl) my portrayal of kok.ichi over on @takinghisbow. i mean, one of the running themes of the blog is the "mask" kok.ichi wears to conceal his true emotions and i've consistently tried to keep myself from falling into that exact turn of phrase on this blog for the most part. these are two characters who do not want you to actually know anything about them and hide everything from intentions to feelings to expressions (yes hello i have realized in the last year that i mask in public thanks for noticing). the obvious differences between these two are motivation (kok.ichi is motivated by trust issues and self-hatred, william is motivated to try to cover up his misdeeds) and method (kok.ichi acts antagonist/annoying to push people away, but william acts falsely kind to draw people in while still keeping them at an arm's length). kok.ichi has questionable morals, but tries to be good where it counts. william is a terrible person and has no intentions of changing that, although he can be kind to those he likes if it isn't "a burden" to him.

the other character (who i also tentatively write) is hann.ibal lec.ter (specifically the NB.C portrayal). and i've said it before, but "you're not a person, you're a monster wearing a person-suit" is william-coded lmao. they're both monsters, and yet capable of caring. they are not incapable of empathy or sympathy, but choose how to wield it. outside of their very horrific hobbies, nobody would ever think they were killers. both are surrounded by death, and yet not suspected because nobody could ever believe they'd do it (until it's too late).

going into making this blog, i was very adamant that i wanted a complex portrayal that didn't fall too far into generic movie serial killer stereotypes. we don't throw around potentially offensive terms like "psychopath" or "sociopath" here. we don't suggest that lack of empathy = bad person here. i also was very, very loathe to do the whole "evil guy looks Totally Evil and is so obviously creepy" because it quite literally made little sense to me. how is this guy killing so many kids and not getting suspected if he screams "Serial Killer" just by looking at him? if he's antagonistic and creepy and clearly threatening? and in that same vein i wanted to avoid "bad person is bad all the time 24/7, never does anything decent ever" because i live for nuance, not the chr.istian fund.amentalist black/white thinking i grew up in. i wanted him to be irredeemably, unmistakably evil without losing the fact that evil people are humans, and humans are capable of great evil if they choose.

i want the moments where he's being decent—a seemingly good friend, father, or romantic partner—to be almost disarming. because, while william is perfectly capable of caring for people, his actions (both in what he does and what he doesn't do) are intentional. always. his sense of humor with his adult friends or romantic partners is half because he genuinely enjoys joking around and half because he wants to be viewed a certain way. funny. normal. just one of your buddies. him doting on his kids is because he loves them, but also because he needs for everyone—both the kids and the community—to be able to say, "What a good father, he would never hurt anyone (and especially not a child)." when he resists showing anger (whether entirely or just the full extent of it) toward someone he's upset with, this is part of the persona. when he pretends to like someone he dislikes, this is part of the persona. when he agrees to something he doesn't want to do, this is part of the persona.

it's part of what makes sprin.gtrap seem so different from william prior to the springlo.ck incident. william is throwing everything behind his persona. he's a calculating man, even when he's genuinely enjoying himself. he can be truly having a nice time with someone, but the thought of how this is benefitting his persona is always in the back of his mind. you're just another character witness to william. after the springlo.ck incident, there's no longer a point. the persona is gone. get ready to meet the real man beneath it.

[salt-volk]

post 705470921409019904   bc u have to PAY for monthlies u cant just earn them from gameplay. we need item that are easy to get yet also go up in value over time. every other game i play has these thing as a reward for long term & consistent players!

if the ONLY shit that retains value is premium/paid content then of course the economies fucked bc the only ppl who can make longterm value investment are those who are already well off. limited/retiring item earned from special prizes, chance event, quests, & gaemplay are essential for allowing ftp players to still get itmes that appreciate in value & be able to keep on par with premium paying users (bc then even if they dont spend money they can still have item that ppl will want).

part of dvs economy being so shit is bc u cannot "play the market" much the way u mgiht some other games. literally nearly every item is either 1. completely worthless junk that will return every year & already exists in abundance OR  2. its paid premium shit that only gets traded for other paid premium shit. rarely are there any "mid tiere value" items in between that can be leveraged by folk in the middle.

i think in retaliation to customs & monthies seeming too inacessible we went so far in the other direction that now all other items is TOO acessible which only makes the problem worse (if the ONLY valuable items are super hard to get or paid, then its impossible for ppl who dont have acess to those to "work their way up". if this was balanced by having more free/cheap to get yet also valuable items, then custom & monthlies would actually become MORE  acessible to the avg player bc they could get their hands on non-monthly non-custom items that still genuinely have value & could be traded for higher value thing.)

limited item does not always = bad & exclusionary. it can be a part of healthy economy & even a way to help limit exclusivity by giving ftp players economic mobility just for actually playing the game.

i think when ppl talk abt wanting more limited items they mean stuf like this. not more monthiles. but shit that can serve as ACTUAL reward for gameplay. right now participating in event, story quests, & even getting random chance pop up are all boring/un exciting bc once u have one set of the item thats all u ever need, theyre all worthless, retain no value, & nothing feels like an actual sruprise or a reward. theres no incentive to participate bc everything is easy & already handed to u.

dv userbase seems to be such weird mix... ppl who want to own every single item in the game with no effort & no exclusiveity but then also complain abt there being nothing to do, no long term gameplay goals, event reward feel lacking, & how boring it is between content drops. but usually part of the motivation/goals & participation feeling worthwhile on other games is BC u have to work a lil to collect things. exctiement of earning prize that gain in value, making sure ur present to collect event rewards bc the ones will be diffrent next year, new itme u strategize to trade for. & when u lack all of that ofc its gonna feel more boring.

tho obv thats not main issue with the site & im not sayin anyone is wrong for feeling that way i thinkit can def be hard to strike balance between "enough exclusivity to feel fun & motivating" vs "so much that it just feel unfair" but my point is just that right now we really need some "mid tier" limited items (that ARENT locked behing million potatoes worth of item alchemy lmfao) to balance the market & put free player on equal footing in the economy. stuff that appreciates in value & makes rewards actually feel special/worthwhile bc one day u can trade/sell it for something cooler! yk?

idk as a ftp player myself to me at least that would help playing dv actualy feel worht it.

[slytherinshua]

Sorry I meant to reply to your last message (I have a terrible habit of being social and then go radio silent for like a week after ahaha). I listened to a few of Hyunsang's songs and oh my goodness, genuinely is he ok?? They were really good and I loved them, but all the ones I heard were so sad?? Does he need a hug?? Who do I have to beat up?

Your post about people is so true though, it's honestly so hard to make friendships (or even just be nice to some people tbh). Sometimes you just don't vibe with a person, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I mean irl, there is someone in my friend group who I just don't vibe with at all, but all of my friends really like him and enjoy hanging out w him. It is quite hard sometimes to be friendly ahaha (it does make me feel like a horrible person tbh, but what can you do? But I think the whole thing of how he got into our friend group is a bit strange. Without context it sounds bad, but I promise it is genuinely kinda weird lol). But definitely if you ever find that our convo is too dry or weird, don't hesitate to tell me!! I think sometimes you have to prioritise your comfort and if the other person is willing to change, then that's probably a good sign!

I hope you are doing well! (I watched another clip from a Lucy concert and got jealous of you again 😡)

lol don’t worry at all!! LMAO STOP IJBOL 😭😭😭 it’s so true whenever i listen to hyunsang im like WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS BOY?? imagine debuting with an ep titled “my poor lonely heart” AND EXPECTING PPL TO THINK UR FINE DIDJKS 😭😭 and if you watch any live performances or his covers HIS EYES LOOK SO SAD WHILE HE SINGS LIKE HE COULD CRY AT ANY MOMENT ☹️☹️☹️ so literally when he smiles I melt so much cause I’m not used to it anyway he’s so cute and I love him and his emo music and pretty voice 🥹🥹

yeah I feel it a lot lately cause I always want to be nice to everyone especially if they talk to me on my blog but if we don’t click after a bit of talking I feel awkward 😭😭😭 and they’ll keep messaging me and then idk what to do cause the conversations are literally like “hi hru” “I’m good wbu” AND THATS IT 💀💀💀 damn that must suck I’m sorry that’s a thing 😭😭 it’s even harder when it’s a friend group situation cause you can’t just stop talking to one person if they still have connections to all your other friends and you also can’t bring it up with your other friends cause they won’t see the problem :( but don’t worry our convos have been anything but dry since you first sent me an ask 🥹🥹 I love talking abt lucy or anything else with you I could do it all day lmao

I’m doing pretty good!! I have my first piano lesson in like 2 days.. I’m really nervous for it because it’s my first one in over a year since I took a break and it’s with a new teacher. I had lessons with her for a bit in 2020 but they were mostly over zoom because of covid. these ones are in person and I haven’t had in person lessons since 2019 🧍‍♀️ I also haven’t practiced piano since last year when I was taking lessons and even then I feel like I didn’t practice at all between lessons cause I was losing motivation.. so realistically I probably haven’t practiced properly and consistently for 2 years fml 😭😭 but hopefully everything will go well. I’m hoping I’ll like this teacher again I don’t really remember having an opinion on her when I had her 4 years ago, but I remember switching back to my old piano teacher who had moved to England since I was doing online lessons anyway. I’ve had her for around 6 years total so I’m very comfortable with her she’s basically made me the pianist I am today lol. but I think in person lessons would be beneficial which is why I’m trying this out instead.

I have nothing to help you about the jealousy but I did get the group photo back recently (kinda sad they didn’t give us 2 cause we did take 2 and I was so nervous when the first pic was taken that I didn’t have a pose and sangyeop was telling me that he was gonna do a flower pose and I didn’t know wtf a flower pose was until a day later when it clicked in my head LKSJSKS) but I am the one w the pink heart and yes I was RIGHT next to sangyeop and wonsang aka my bias and wrecker skdjsksk how did I survive

[troglobite]

[sighs loudly]

also still only 2 ppl have confirmed they can make it to our next miss frizzle game on sunday.

i've asked them all for info abt what they wanna do/cover in the next session before we dive into the next class session.

nobody has responded.

1 of them i already spoke to like weeks ago so we're fine

another i have one thing set, but i just earlier tonight msged her a question, and i'm sure she'll get back to me

3 of them silent (one who, still, idk when if ever they're going to rejoin the campaign bc Absolutely Brutal Clinical Depression)

and 1 messaged me today.

lacking enthusiasm. didn't even know what to suggest for her character to buy. had no particular ideas or motivations abt anything for her character to do.

and typed it that way.

blasé, unenthusiastic, careless

it literally opened with "Sooooo...."

meanwhile, weeks ago during a different session, she had--at minimum--THREE NPCs she wanted to talk to and shit she wanted to follow up on

now what? i have to be the one to fucking remind her of this and prepare it?

IT'S YOUR FUCKING CHARACTER

TAKE FUCKING NOTES

but she doesn't take notes

almost none of them do

when we played w someone else as the DM, i was the only person consistently taking notes.

they've even commented on it, now, how w me as a dm--they don't have easy access to good notes.

WELL GET BETTER AT IT OR I'M GONNA FUCKING LOSE IT.

anyway i'm super looking forward to having to scold them all like a fucking angry teacher on sunday before our game.

i'm sure it's not going to end w tears or discomfort or ppl wanting to leave or whatever.

doesn't matter how kindly and carefully i put it.

i'm just tired.

i don't wanna dm for ppl who don't have any respect or any thoughts for me or my life or how much work this is OR the fact that i'm willingly doing it FOR THEM bc i want us all to have fun!!!

so we'll fucking see.

but truly the DM i received made me so fucking mad i just haven't even responded.

like i know as the DM i should keep track of some things, but this is a WEIRD CAMPAIGN.

they are in a static location for most of the in-game week, w scheduled outings in controlled circumstances. there is also an overarching plot that can only really be explored in those in-between days in-game.

so they have COMPLETE CONTROL over what they do--more so than a regular campaign where i populate it with whoever and whatever i want on the fly or ahead of time

bc the world is consistently populated and the same around them. the NPCs are always around. they can talk to them whenever.

so i simply ask them

hey what do you think your character did during the week? is there anything they wanna do or accomplish, or anyone they wanna talk to? can you let me know ahead of time?

bc they're all students.

they are not in a position, currently, to have ppl calling THEM in for meetings--except in specific circumstances, one of which has already happened.

they also aren't wandering around meeting strangers.

so they have a lot of agency here, and i want them to exercise it and clue me in so i can provide what they want.

and nobody is engaging.

and i'm really sick of it.

so we'll see how it goes.

[iraprince]

this might not be something you personally have difficulty with, but i was recently diagnosed with severe adhd and i was wondering if you had any tips regarding just like….drawing?? i have such a hard time getting started even though i usually end up feeling pretty stoked and happy with my work if i manage to get something down. i used to draw constantly as a kid to help me focus in class, but in my adult life i just feel like there are so many invisible barriers between myself and putting pencil to paper. i’m sure there are a lot of perfectionism issues involved as well, so i guess just any sort of advice in any of those areas would be greatly appreciated! your work is fantastic and i’m really grateful that you share adhd stuff as well!! have a great day! :o)

i actually have a LOT of difficulty with this -- i have more difficulty than i have advice, probably! but my advice always ends up boiling down to the same thing lately, and it sounds really hokey but i mean it as literally as possible bc it's the only thing that consistently works for me: be fucking nice to yourself!

for a long time the only solution i had to being Inexplicably Unable To Do Something was to yell at myself, bully myself, assume that i wasn't trying hard enough, and end up a miserable little ball of confusion and frustration. it was def worse before i was diagnosed, but it's definitely not gone (sometimes "i don't know why i can't just do it!" just gets replaced with "well, i know what the problem is, so why can't i find a way around it?!"). and after many many years of experience with the bullying reaction vs a much shorter time comparing this reaction to other, kinder approaches, i can say with a lot of confidence that handling it with internal yelling and shaming doesn't work, straight up. it's not helpful, and most of the time it makes things worse -- even if you manage to force yourself to complete a task once or twice like this, it's too exhausting and demoralizing to be sustainable. so, while you haven't mentioned frustration in your question, that's still where my mind goes as a first step: if you're experiencing distress or anger or embarrassment over running into those barriers over and over again, the first step is practicing being calm and forgiving, not immediately trying to find a way around it. once you hit the wall and you find you can calmly go "oh, okay! this isn't working. let's figure out why" instead of immediately launching into "what the fuck is WRONG with me????", finding solutions is a lot easier.

the times i've surprised myself by having things just suddenly Flow after a long period of struggling are usually brought about by a ton of excitement and enthusiasm! i get really into a rarepair and i'm gripped with the need to make my own content, or i make a new oc who i really love, or i get back into a piece of media i haven't touched in a while and get all charged up with excitement. you gotta feed the tank to make stuff, so setting time aside to consume stuff that inspires and excites you is just as important as setting the time aside to actually sit down and try to draw.

another thing that has helped me is trying to be really purposeful abt reminding myself WHY i draw; sometimes, especially since it's my job, the images i'm supposed to be making just turn into this big featureless stack of Tasks instead of me really thinking about + appreciating what i do and why i love it. when i'm in a rut with commissions, for example, sometimes before i even try to start working (or if i HAVE tried to start and it's just not happening), i stop and sit down with the wips and really LOOK at them. i go through them one at a time and point out things i like about them or what i'm looking forward to doing: "the pose came out so good on the first try and i want to see what it'll look like finished," or "detailing all this hair is going to be so fun and relaxing." when you get so caught up in the constant repeated thought of "i just want to DO something, i want to DRAW," especially when it's been days or weeks or months where you can't, i think you can unconsciously start replacing "i want to draw because it's fun and i like what i make" with "i want to draw because i keep failing to and i just want to prove i can still do it," and for me the latter thought is usually way more distressing than it is motivating.

and finally, a failsafe: sometimes, when i can remember to do it, my secret weapon is counting down at myself for the tiniest steps possible. like i'll literally say out loud, "on the count of five, i'm going to stand up and go get my sketchbook. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...." it has to be out loud and i think the reason it works is because like. if you say it out loud, reach five, and you don't do it, you feel astronomically goofy??? and then i just go from there: "on the count of 5, i'm going to find an empty page." "on the count of 5, i'm going to start sketching a head." it kind of forces through the executive dysfunction in a way i haven't really been able to replicate with anything else. it doesn't always work in a super meaningful way -- like, plenty of times i do like three steps and then i'm like "i hate this and i don't want to and i'm not gonna make anything good like this so i give up!" and then i just take the L for the afternoon. but when the "frozen in place, literally cannot stop just staring at the page" thing is the main issue, it might be enough of a push to get going!

as always here's me going "oh oop no i dont have a lot sorry" and then rambling for paragraphs and paragraphs but by now we should be used to that. good luck, and remember 2 be patient + nice :D

[cube-cumb3r]

The Means Reflect On The Ends Actually, (c!Dream & the conditioning of Exile)

What was the point of exile, storywise? What does it say about c!Dream? Sure, it’s showcasing how far he’s willing to go to achieve his own ends, but I don't think all discussion about what exile tells us about c!Dream should start and end there.

Dream is not cruel for cruelty’s sake. Dream’s end goal is not to hurt as many people as possible. He views his cruelty are “necessary evils”, and he doesn’t dwell much on whether the things he does are “good” or “bad”. He’s fully aware he’s hurting people and he ultimately thinks that hurting people, to the extent that he does, is worth it. That being said, while Dream has an ends justify the means mindset, but the truth is, the means absolutely reflect on the ends. His true intentions aren’t a mystery, it’s very clear in the text that his ultimate goal is unity, but why does he want unity? And what would said unity entail?

(Before this essay starts I have to do an ad break to promo @daggryet's very helpful [transcriptions from the exile streams], which I'll be using a lot of. Thanks for the very helpful resource.)

TW: Relatively extensive discussion abt the abuse in exile arc & the effects of said abuse.

Firstly, I don't think you should deny his relationship to control. A through-line of his character is achieving harmony through control, and more specifically, obedience. There’s a reason why he tends to single out Tommy the most. It’s not actually because Tommy is remarkably more troublesome than anyone else on the server, but rather, because his disruptive nature is at Dream’s expense. Tommy is the only character who’s consistently over and over again refused to respect Dream’s authority, and though he isn’t particularly threatening on his own, it’s the sentiment itself that’s dangerous. Similarly, this is why he has consistently targeted L’manburg, moreso than any other faction on the server such as, say, Badlands, El Rapids. It’s almost as if they represented the sentiment, “Hey, why are we listening to you anyway? Why can’t we be listening to anyone else?”, which is why he crushed them, over, and over again. What if everyone figures out they can just stop listening to him? What then?

We talk a lot about the effects exile had on Tommy, and rightfully so, but we don’t talk enough about what Dream was actually doing. What was the purpose of exile? Was it just a way to get closer to the discs? Just a means to an end? What was the end?

TOMMY: What, what could you possibly want more from me? You’ve tortured me.

DREAM: I’m just keeping an eye on you, Tommy.

TOMMY: What does that mean?!

DREAM: I’m just, I’m making sure that you’re not up to no good.

TOMMY: But, how, you’ve exiled me, you fucking stupid, manipulative fucking green bastard!

DREAM: I know! And you know why I did that?

TOMMY: Yes? 

DREAM: No, you know why?

TOMMY: Why?

DREAM: Because you don’t listen to me ever, you’re the only person who doesn’t ever listen to me. If I tell you to do something, you’re like “no, fuck you!”, and you go and like do like the exact opposite.

[full transcription]

As much as I have to preface this with that this is speculative and we may not have any irrefutable confirmation, I think it's very likely that it's literally just what Dream is saying he's doing. Tommy is the one person who refuses to listen to him, and he wants him to listen. Exile was not only conditioning Tommy to believe that nobody other than Dream cares about him, not only conditioning Tommy to be entirely reliant on him, but also conditioning Tommy to listen to him, without question, without disobeying. And that is such a significant and reoccurring motif for it to arguably just be the intended reading of exile.

Abuse is a vague term that encompasses a lot of abusive practices. There are a good handful that apply to exile, I'm sure if you ask someone qualified they'll be able to provide you a nice handy list, but ultimately, all of them target Tommy's own sense of agency and autonomy, and it all revolves around power and control. Dream creates rituals purely to disarm him, threatens him and punishes him when he doesn't listen, and rewards him when he complies (or rather, conditions Tommy into thinking that not being punished is a reward).

TOMMY: [begins throwing his armor and axe down for DREAM to explode.]

DREAM: No, no, it’s fine.

TOMMY: Re-really?

DREAM: Yeah. Today’s the party, right?

---

TOMMY: So when can I- no, I wanna go back. I… hey, thanks for letting me keep my armour today.

DREAM: You’re welcome.

TOMMY: Kinda nice of you.

[full transcription]

Dream isn’t only hurting Tommy for the sake of hurting him. People tend to frame it as if Dream Just Hates Tommy, but that’s not true. He finds Tommy fun, in a twisted way. There are a lot of moments in exile where they’re both on very good terms and Dream is friendly with Tommy. But, it's also all part of horror of exile, making Tommy reliant on him and his company, getting him to doubt his sense of reality, making him question whether his friends back in L’manburg ever cared about him at all, and possibly questioning whether he’s imagining the abuse as well, Dream is so kind to him after all, why would he ever want to hurt him?

Over the course of exile Tommy agency and sense of self start to deteriorate as well as his mental health, he starts worrying about what Dream would think, starts asking Dream for permission, going out of his way to avoid upsetting him, his only friend, his only reliable caring companion.

TOMMY: Yeah, so I’m thinking we- and then I can- but the thing is; so recently my buddy, Dream, has been doing this thing where he, uhm… it makes sense, though, because I’m not in his land anymore, but he takes my shit from me, so I need to make sure- […]

---

RANBOO: Yeah, so what do you say- does Dream like take your armor? Is that what you said?

TOMMY: I don’t know, he just- hey man, I just follow the boss.

[full transcription]

TOMMY: “Visit Techno” no, no, what would Dream think? […]

---

TOMMY: I’ve had a little idea, by the way, and I wanna know what you think, and also if I’m allowed

DREAM: Okay?

[full transcription]

TOMMY: Yeah, I know he’s actually - he’s sort of my- he’s borderline my owner, Big Q, so I’m not really sure.

MEXICAN DREAM: He’s your dad?

TOMMY: No, no-

MEXICAN DREAM: Ey! Ey, Papa Thomas!

TOMMY: No, no, we’re- as in labor.

MEXICAN DREAM: You gotta teach your child some manners.

[full transcription]

Dream’s outburst in exile after finding Tommy’s chests, is arguably one of Dream's most emotionally honest (and reckless) moments in exile considering it was what made Tommy realize he needed to save himself and escape. And it's punishing Tommy for going behind his back and planning to revolt.

TOMMY: I’m really, no, I’m really sorry, though. Why don’t we just pretend this never- yeah, let’s, shall we just pretend this-?

DREAM: Sorry doesn’t cut it, Tommy. Listen, I’ll leave you here to think about what you did-

TOMMY: What about the nether? What about the nether, my friends, what-?

DREAM: No! You can’t go to the nether, no one can come here, you are alone, okay? As soon as I think that you have changed, have become somebody who isn’t going to hide and lie and try and revolt; then people can visit you again. You can go to the nether again. But for now - no, no one can. You- I was being very lenient. Yesterday I let you go into the Dream SMP on a temporary pass, and then what do I find out the next day?

TOMMY: I’m so sorry.

DREAM: I have been nothing but gracious to you. Tommy. Think about what you did.

---

Exile wasn’t only a means to getting closer to the discs or getting Tommy out of the way. Exile was a means to conditioning Tommy into listening and respecting Dream as his superior. Dreams solution to Tommy being disruptive and troublesome was to [physically beat], emotionally abuse, and psychologically condition him into obedience. Only seeing exile as a testament to how far how willing he was go to meet his ends is reductive, and not acknowledging what Dream considers to be a “problem” and what he considers to be “solutions” is to not engage with his worldview. You have to take exile into account and what it actually says about his ideals of harmony and unity.

---

TOMMY: I can’t go back… I can’t go back, and see my friends and see Tubbo. This is a shithole! He wasn’t- he wasn’t here ‘cause he was my friend. He was here to- what did he say on the first day? Got a little bug that he can’t flig off? I’m the only person who never does exactly what he says?

TOMMY: I’m the only person who never does what he says. Me! He said that to me, didn’t he?

TOMMY: He was here to watch me.

[full transcription]

Dream’s relationship to Tommy can (and honestly should) be compared to his relationship to the entire server at large. Not to imply that He Literally Wants To Abuse The Server, but rather the he views the server revolting as a problem, and the solution? Well. The [prison]. The hall of attachments. It’s no surprise that the disc war, a conflict that was initially only primarily between Dream and Tommy*, is suddenly about everyone. Bargaining and blackmailing using attachments, something Dream initially only subjected Tommy to, to keep him under his control, is now a means to control everyone.

Is Dream's goal of unity for the sake of the overall happiness and quality of life of the people living within said unity? I don’t doubt that this at some point in time was true. But, the fact that he’s willing to ruin lives and long-term psychologically destroy people over it, means that his goal isn’t unity for the sake of the people living in his ideal version of the server, but at their expense. Him believing he needs to control people to maintain unity and harmony means that he believes himself to know what's best for people moreso than the people themselves, and therefore he's the only one responsible enough to make decisions for them. And it also means that his motives has warped and twisted overtime, it’s likely that he’s become so fixated on the goal of unity itself that he’s lost track of why he wanted it in the first place.

Anyway. Stop buying into Dream's own self-justification of "ends justify the means" and put his deeply flawed and broken worldview and view of people under a little bit of goddam scrutiny.

[dwter]

What do u think the big dsmp update is i think itl be something like a memory wipe or so idk idk what else it could be unless its like some big fight but ik cdream has something planned and lots of people on the server kinda like him ish (remmeber the line "everyones gonna think i changed while i make ur life a living hell") i think maybe wel get that also in dre and wilburs reddit post they make the point of cdream tormenting ctommy by bring back cwil clear 🤔

this shit is so long brah im so sorry but IM SO GLAD IVE FINALLY WRITTEN EVERYTHING IVE WANTED DOWN 😭🌟 ok click for my. Thoughts 🙌🏽

if its a memory wipe im killing myself Hope that helps BUT i also have a few reasons why i dont think it will be. a) i dont think the smp would be as enthusiastic as they seem to be for whatever dream has planned if it was a memory wipe. we can look at it from a passion/sentimentality point of “they care too much abt what theyve already put into the story/developing their characters” but even from a logic standpoint it makes no sense. no one on that server that very few ppl have motivation for would suddenly become excited at the idea of having to “start fresh” but not even genuinely start fresh as theyd still have to adhere to whats around them. plus having to remake dynamics that were heavily cc-based anyways takes so much effort specifically bc they would be different from the original lore which was build on, again, the ccs actual dynamics that evolved over time. i just dont see the ccs, esp someone like tommy for instance who has said hes excited for what dream has planned, to be motivated by any form of a memory wipe.

b) i feel like dream (cc) sees and understands the value in the dynamics that currently exist in the smp and wouldnt change and discard them to that extent, both as a storyteller/lorehead but also career/retention-wise. do i see him creating an event that fucks up/twists/moves around the dynamics? absolutely. completely amnesia tho? no. hes a smart guy and one of the people most invested in the lore (and probably the lore-based community as a result) he KNOWS what ppl like and what keeps them here and there no way he doesnt see the personalities, histories and evolved dynamics as what does that, at least partially

c) it would be too much work + wouldnt make people log on a lot or in massive crowds. usually what makes ppl log on both in large amounts and consistently is 1. a set goal/focus 2. knowing other ppl are on 3. being able to do what makes them comfortable. 1 and 2 are self explanatory but with 3 i mean that ppl who dont want to do lore/dont enjoy doing heavy intense lore where they have to be in character all the time would not like or be comfortable with a memory wipe where they have to pretend and stick to that basically the whole time, esp if they cant rmr each other. imagine someone like tubbo for instance wanting to slip into casualness and just play and half talk to chat half be involved and slipping up about the memory stuff and getting frustrated like thats super real. amnesia would be terrible for morale and is just too much investment for a ton of them and wouldnt motivate ppl to log on (at least in the long run)

ok now that ive explained myself about this: what do i think it could be

i am a huge believer in the apocalypse theory/things similar. it would be a perfect ripple in the dynamics currently set without damaging, eroding or erasing them. it also would be able to give a goal/focus for the ccs which is one of the biggest motivators for ppl logging on which is also part another motivator which is literally just ppl being there when u log on/logging on with u. and it also lets ppl interact with lore and intensely or casually as they want as there is nothing they have to commit to the whole time or force them to go in and out of “lore mode” awkwardly. they can do whatever they want and say whatever they want, it is just up to them how in character they want to be and they can hang out and be with whoever fits their vibes the best in that sense, or go back and forth.

it just does what the reboot/update SHOULD do: give purpose in playing again, refresh whats already there, make things less ridged, let ppl start fresh without actually starting fresh and most importantly: LETS PPL HAVE FUN! and whether fun is lore breathing into a mic for an hour or a chill mining stream to prepare for whatever the apocalypse has caused/is or just fucking with your friends—this specific kind of reboot lets all of those co-exist if they want it to.

as for ur ideas: in my heart of hearts i dont want to believe it but the “im going to make ur life a living hell etc” line seems to be referencing the boy who cried wolf plot which is. Dead in the ground i fear <- says through gritted teeth. i would LOVEEEEEE if that line became important again but i just feel like all its implications have kind of been abandoned, at least what they used to be. and about ppl mostly liking cdream hmmm ….. i dont know how much that will play a role if things got rebooted, especially regarding ctommy. i dont think anything like final disc finale but with cdream and ctommys role reversed will happen. no one/not enough ppl on the server is cdreampilled OR ctommynegpilled enough for anything like that. plus a big fight wouldnt cause this much excitement (although i do wonder if the revamp is partially pvp based bc with how excited cctommy sounded about it, it definitely could be. thats something he rly enjoys and likes about minecraft and dsmp like he mentioned it in the tribute video (like the battles he had with dream being his fav)). that last point IS interesting tho hmmm ….. maybe it was just stating a fact rather than it being foreshadowing? although cdream hasnt used cwilbur enough as leverage for me to think theyre done/didnt have anything else planned for that. either way tho, im not sure how much that involves the update since i think for it to make EVERYONE excited, it has to be something that involves the entire smp/affects it all/everyone, not just the big three

ANYWAYS thank u for reading all my rambles and thoughts if u made it this far anonnie or anyone else. i feel at peace now. mind body and soul. all at ease. 😊❤️

[appledotcodotuk]

why the hive fckin suck at its job: a rant

spoilers for tgwdlm ahead!

first of all, it's important to consider what exactly the hive's job is. my answer is... who the fuck knows. literally. what is the hive's aim. what do you want Paul? more like, what do you want hive? let's find out!

it kinda evolves, as the play progresses. the intial aim of the hive, and one that does actually remain consistent is the constant burning need to grow and devour and gain more and more (insert capitalism metaphor here).

however, this is distorted by the people it possess who influence that aim, as we'll see later.

also the fact it crashes into a theatre displaying Mamma Mia gives the hive the motive it need to fit the world around it to the structure of the musical. having no originality of its own, the hive instead just picks up what is given to it. kinda like an evil baby.

it wants uniformity, that is indeed its ultimate goal and desire, no duh. it thinks it can achieve that through musical theatre, shame that the hive is dead wrong. cause the hive fucking sucks at its own job / aim / ultimate purpose / one concrete goal that motivates all its actions.

can't maintain control over its subjects

okay, so, the hive wants uniformity. it wants everyone to be dancing to the beat of its own tune. right? yeah. shame it literally can't keep its own possessed subjects in line at all. at the risk of sounding like the 10th doctor waxing lyrical abt humanity for the 50th time, humans are really difficult to control cause we're not really motivated by an altruistic allegiance to one primary good. we've got icky emotions that often move us to do stupid unpredictable stuff way more. it makes me wonder if the reason the hive wanted to use musical theatre to try and persuade ppl was cause it seems to think that is how theyll get emotive humans; through emotive songs. anyways. let's look at some examples shall weeeee?

Mr Davidson:

so, Mr Davidson. funnily enough, he's the guy whose in part acting as the hive trying to figure out what it wants through his interactions w/ Paul. every person it possess gives it just a bit more humanity and curiosity abt the world it is currently taking over. at least I think so. hence why as the musical develops u get character's like possessed!Alice wondering 'why does it hurt to love?' - the change in music and mood to something much more introspective really suggests to me that the hive is beginning to question the thoughts and emotions of its human hosts.

Mr Davidson is a family man through and through, he loves his wife Carol. she's his muse, his source of light. his feelings for her are not concrete or easy to explain and solve - hence why his sudden ahem demand of her is so hilarious and also jarring. it completely clashes with the 'I want song' which is simple, and often pushes forward a wider cause. not so with Mr Davidson, he just really loves his wife man. enough to break a frickin alien possession.

tbh I think its hilarious that (at least to me) the hive has to force him to forget and continue with the song, like, he straight up is just talking to his wife in that phone call, talking, not singing. so, no possession until he reverts back into song. ergo, the hive cannot maintain the uniformity it wants. even from the get go when theoretically its control should be stronger cause it has less ppl to co-ordinate. bad. at. its. job.

Paul:

this one hurts folks. yes, I know it's generally agreed, though somewhat debated that the state of Paul by the end of the tgwdlm is not purely possessed. I agree. once again, the hive is unable to truly enforce uniformity.

at this point, the motives of Paul and the hive are kinda just mixed, neither fully human nor fully alien. hence the constant shifts between pleeing for her to get away, to hide, to stay safe: 'what if the only choice is you have to sing to survive' and just full on old style hive nastiness 'let me puke in your mouth and just open your food bin girl' (so romantic 🥰 /j).

the hive has gone away from its original aim, and become something... different. no longer stuck to just one type of genre or style of song, it's really clever to show the developing complexity of the hive by showing how it is now juggling lots of different motifs with references to all the old songs from before recontextualised in a new way - its learning. evil baby... no longer uniform.

general miscommunication:

there are several instances of the hive not fully having uniform control over its subjects. for instance, right after not your seed with the three teens having to like... calibrate. they aren't just completely connected then?? also, this is a very small thing, but uhhhh at the end of inevitable when Paul is about to say the apotheosis is upon... the chorus interrupts him with USSSSSSS. interruptions??? not very in sync of u hive.

I think this inability to exert uniformity is also shown in the contrast between genre of musical theatre. my alien abomination cannot decide whether it wants to be the more modern edgy rock musical (join us (and die), not your seed ) or super happy go lucky old style musical theatre (lah dee dah dah day, and inevitable). it tries to do both, even while trying to encourage union, and sticking to one thing. hypocrite!!!!!

2. aims are guided by the people it possess

so, I mentioned this a bit already, but the hive isn't only mutating the humans, the humans are mutating the hive right back. this is more an interesting observation than any actual analysis but let's goooo.

greenpeace girl:

I think it's very likely that greenpeace girl is one of the first to be possessed. This is probably easily debunkable but whatever this analysis is flying by the seat or its pants anywayyyyy. why? cause where else would it pick up that whole 'this planet needs fixing' thing? it's interesting too, cause it morphs from expressing the desire to join hands and sing together, unity and peace with no actual action behind it. this then goes right to the other end, with the hive going 'fine I'll do it myself' and trying to save things by enforcing a dictatorship on the world. it develops and changes, and strays from its original means of accomplishing its aims! speaking oooooof...

3. inconsistent in means of accomplishing aims

okay, ur an evil hive mind. u think musicals are the way to win over these silly humans cause they're all weak and emotive and seem to respond to them. but, wait! schwoopsie! you haven't realised that for emotional depth and growth to mean anything, you need there to be established development and well... growth. otherwise the sentiments are as vague as the ones expressed in What Do You Want, Paul?

this show has genuine emotional moments, just not really during the musical numbers WITH EXCEPTIONS. any strife is smoothed over quickly, and so the development and change that would have to go into such growth is just gone. (see, You Tied Up My Heart) all so it can achieve its own desire to grow and grow and grow, maybe a metaphor for art being killed under late stage capitalism??

what actually matters is the impact the songs have afterwards, in causing a death - because we have a bond and care abt these characters. those short scenes between Paul and Emma are actually way more resonant than any song. except... inevitable, and also not your seed a bit. at this point the hive has learnt a thing or two, and can actually twist human emotion a little. but for it to do that, it has to reject the uniformity it prizes, and be adaptable. point towards being more human than it first thought? methinks so. and yet it's just not enough...

it's also why let it out, to me, feels really ingenuine. Paul has expressed himself in much better ways already. what they're doing is clearly paining him, and hurting the guy. he's terrified bless.

you can't force someone into being emotional vulnerable, man.

it's why all the deaths for the characters who are forced to express themselves are really violent, involving them being ripped open - literally forcing them to expose themselves from the 'inside out' as Alice reflects in Not Your Seed. you can't force genuine emotional connection, it has to be fostered, shown in the much more affecting relationship of Paul and Emma. the only reason the hive actually has power over our characters is because of these genuine emotional connections, which it tries and often fails to take advantage of, resulting in just resorting to brute violence. messy hive, very messy.

at the core, the musical's a kinda attack on that toxic positivity mindst: trying to force people to reach the sort of easy solutions by sharing feelings in a way that feels pretty invasive and deciding you are instantly fixed. the problems these characters face are jarringly not really what you'd expect a character in a musical to face, cheating, a lot of it, mid-life crisis. problems that are bland, or wayyyy too real. this is purposefully done, to reveal just how silly the hive's aim to use musical theatre to solve everyone's problem is. life is more complex than that smh.

4. a human can write a much more expressive, and genuine song than they ever could lol

u know which song I'm talking abt. what more is there to say. so much for making persuasive songs to tempt people over.

5. make me sad cause they took some perfectly nice ppl and funked them up 😭

this was a stupid point lol. basically I'm just bitter that this hive took a bunch of perfectly okay ppl and gave them hive brain. screw u hive. I swear I'm gonna watch Black Friday soon, cause I'm sure it's gonna completely destroy every thought I've had so far, but whateve,,, just take this as a look at tgwdlm like it's a stand-alone piece.

these guys are supposed to all be 'individuals' on one level, but also 'appendages of a much larger organism'. there's a little too much individualism and fracturing to be cohesive enough to do that I feel. the hive to me is not an infallible, unstoppable force, in fact, every human it takes over only brings it closer to understanding us. so that's maybe a slight positive note??? idk ?! I just have lots of thoughts and feelings abt this musical even if this doesn't make sense I'm proud i wrote it down hehe.

[dyketectivecomics]

is War Games (specifically steph being fired/stealing bruce's plans and Dying) gonna exist in ur RR au?

This is very much a ‘Yes and No’ kinda answer! I’m mix and matching a LOT of events/motivations for each of the robins. So yes, some form of War Games is going to exist, but no, it’s not quite going to effect Steph specifically? Lemme explain:

(Under a Cut for Spoilers to my RR au, and also bc Long and Rambly lmao)

Mostly I’m aiming to do some event swapping bc I like the idea of some of these events being given to their respective ‘reversed’ robins? So like, Dick n Duke’s relationships with the fam & esp with Bruce are going to be flipped bc it feels like the logical progression for someone who’s been with Bruce for the longest vs someone who’s relatively new (which is also why im considering doing a “We Are The Flock” type thing for Dick to parallel the “We Are Robin” movement. but thats neither here nor there).

So we’ve got Babs n Harper as logical swaps ofc, and so are Damian and Jason (altho for them, their backstories are so different that it doesnt allow for as much swapping in quite the same way). And you might be thinking “But randy, you’re not swapping Tim and Steph/whoever in the same way? what gives?” and yeah, youre right, im not. But that’s bc Jason and Steph... have always felt like much clearer parallels to me *shrug*

They’re the ones who get some more arc sharing. thems the breaks. my version of the AU, my rules.

The War Games arc (specifically with stealing a contingency plan into motion in an Effort to Prove™ oneself) is gonna mostly be shuffled over to Jason now. I’ve decided to commit to making Jason take up the Rook mantle regardless of what Tim chooses (or maybe even in spite of him haha) and the more I was thinking abt especially Cass and Jason’s new dynamic, and the idea of her underestimating him/goading him (as siblings do)... the more I liked the idea of Jason having a BIG chip on his shoulder and putting War Games into affect to Prove himself to the rest of the fam. That he Is just as Smart and Cunning and Capable as the rest of them. (& it having the disastrous results we all very well expect) 

And from there, that’s where Im gonna do a slight merging of the Under the Hood arc alongside War Games (altho Steph isnt going to be donning a Red Hood costume. she’s gettin :) something else)

As far as steph’s death tho, I want it to moreso be a parallel to Damian’s death. A sacrifice in an effort to protect others. Bc ultimately that WAS what damian was doing. he was capable of holding his own in a fight. I do think he could have held Heretic off... but there were people there he needed to protect. And that was what made his death so tragic, and had such an impact. That Growth™ he had before it. So imagine some of that tragedy for steph, but this time, its in the direction of “she had been doing so well and Bruce was giving her credit where it was rightfully due, despite his protestations when she had first started”... only for her to realize in a moments notice, that the Only Way to save the day, is through that ultimate sacrifice. 

I want to be clear that I dont blame any of the Robins for their own deaths, its a decision of the authors/editorial. But I do like a Good death much more than a shocking one. I ultimately accept a death in fiction much more easily if the characters have some form of choice in the matter. Esp when that choice is a sacrificial one. (which is why I think Jason and Damian’s deaths hit so hard, where Jason was doing all he could to save his mom, and Dami was protecting civilians in the area, whereas Steph’s (who had no choice in being tortured and unable to save herself in time) is called into question much more often, even tho, the same as Jason and Damian, she was intended to stay dead. that and her not dying “in costume”, which bothers the HELL outta me. like... her LAST CONVERSATION WITH BRUCE was him AFFIRMING that she was Robin! ppl who dont count her as a Dead Robin bother the FUCK outta me. i cant fdsajkl;)

Anyways, that’s kinda OFF topic. Back On: I do still want her to die more or less at Black Mask’s hands tho. We gotta keep SOME consistency. And esp bc I’ve got Plans™ for how its all gonna come back around full circle for when Steph comes back to Gotham. Her being killed in a gang war, and then being a Dramatic Bitch™ and coming back in the middle of another one... just really hits me in all the right ways too lmao

(oh also side note, i know i said jason wasnt gonna die in his search for his mom and same here. jason gets ONE universe where he DOESNT DIE thanks fjkdasl)

[solasan]

15, 16, 22, 24, 27, 49 for Zinnia!

15. are they good at cooking? do they enjoy it? what do others think of their cooking?

yea she’s a good cook. liked to experiment a lot with it when she was younger, but she does that less now. lots of spices, she loves spices. also lots of seafood, bcos it’s what she’s used to; she knows how to make seafood good, whereas other stuff (like, say, venison) she’s less experienced with. 

she enjoys cooking quite a lot !!! even her bone broths (which would be what she’d usually be subsiding on by the time they’d reached a month / six weeks into a voyage) are like...... still very unpleasant, but usually have some spices in them to make them at least somewhat palatable

one of the best cooks on the white thorn 100%. used to barter meals she’d cooked for rum and whiskey from time to time shdhjsjdk. and her companions appreciate her cooking too, even if she hasn’t got access to as many fresh supplies / as much seasoning as she’d like. which is probs for the best bcos shadowheart would probably die from her proper dishes HSJDJSKDK

16. do they collect anything? what do they do with it? where do they keep it?

ok zinnia is a very practical person as a rule (whatever her personality might suggest) but she’s..... also a pirate, bro. she likes shiny stuff. specifically, she likes rings; she’ll collect rings till the day she dies. she’s always wearing at least one on every finger, sometimes two. they’re always on her person (less chance of them getting stolen that way, surprisingly) and those she isn’t wearing will be strung around a chain on her neck.

look when ur a rogue and a thief u kinda lose faith in locks and chests, ok

22. what are their favourite insults to use? what do they insult people for? or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

uhhh she’s especially fond of using ‘wanker’ as an insult. any form of it. if someone’s pissed her off she might go off abt them being a ‘small cocked wanker’ for example shdhsjdks. also just generally going around making it pretty clear she thinks ur an idiot is a sure bet; i do foresee her asking astarion if the tadpole ate up his whole brain, or only half of it, bcos really ur pretty dumb mate. and like, we know, but hey

anyway she might have a habit of stabbing people in the back when it comes to combat, but zinnia is absolutely willing to tell u to ur face if she dislikes u. esp if u’ve done something that breaks her ‘code’; she lies, she cheats, she steals, she even kills, but she doesn’t fuck with slavers and she doesn’t hurt kids, not ever. hurting the innocent (but especially kids) is a surefire way to get her boot up ur ass

on a less severe scale, she’ll insult u if ur boring or a stick in the mud shdjsjdk. even scholars aren’t especially safe from her (soz gale love u) just bcos she doesn’t see the point in learning from books when u could learn from the world

24. what is their sleeping pattern like? do they snore? what do they like to sleep on? a soft or hard mattress?

eh. better sleeping pattern than she had when she was younger ig tho i do think she finds it harder to fall asleep since the whole tadpole thing shshjjsd. worries she’s never gonna wake up again. but when she does sleep, she sleeps very deeply; snores a bit, drools sometimes, splays out in the most contorted positions. but once she’s in a position she’ll stay in it, basically; won’t move the whole night, sleeps like a log.

she can sleep anywhere and on anything (comes from years of sleeping in a rocking hammock on a moving ship, surrounded by her loud crew) but she prefers a soft mattress. not that she’s gotten to sleep on many

27. what makes them sad? do they cry regularly? do they cry openly or hide it? what are they like they are sad?

she’s not much of a crier tbh ??? comes from the emotional constipation shdhsjdjk. what happened to arabella made her very sad, but that quickly turned to anger; she’s gotten good at that, turning her sadness into anger. she knows what to do with anger ig ??? not so much sadness.

but yea seeing suffering kids, suffering animals, that makes her sad. also thinking on yarrow for too long; she starts wondering if yarrow’s alive, how her life is, if she misses her, etc. thinking of her crew does it a little bit too, but less so; it’s more that she feels extra motivated to get back to them

when she does cry, which is rarely, she hides it very well. tears are weakness to her ??? so she’s not comfy being seen like that. but usually she manages to turn sadness into anger before that can happen, which is definitely not healthy, but hey

49. what is their most valued object? are they sentimental? is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

oof. she’s not particularly sentimental, but she has a stack of yarrow’s old letters tied up with a piece of string back on the ship that she feels a little bit naked without. she’ll be super pissed if she gets back and finds they’re gone shdjsjdkl. i wouldn’t say those are her most valued possession tho; they’re sorta like a bruise she likes to push sometimes, but less and less as the years go on ??? they make her chest ache, and as we’ve already discussed, she’s.......... bad at being sad SHDJSJDK

im not sure what would be most valued to her tbh ???? her blades ig ??? bcos she’s so attuned to their specific weight, and they’ve kept her alive for years, and they’ve been her only consistent possession for like..... over a decade ???

[gotatext]

                   hllo ! i’m nora ( she / her, 24, gmt ) crawling back to this rp once more like the dirty sewer slug i am !! i just can’t get enough, baybeyyy ! u may remember me frm such roles as alma putnam, rory bergstrom, bridget matusiak or greta o’driscoll 2 name jst a few.... sure there were more over these long years, bt the show must go on.... this is mimi, she’s dogmatic, tenacious n single-minded 2 the point of recklessness, she doesn’t like handouts n she’s funding her degree through her onlyfans account n moaning abt shit on tiktok. we love 2 see it !!  slam that like button n i’ll creep into ur DMs like the slippery worm i am   OR u can discord me at that bitch carole baskin#8664.   a humble pinterest.

『ALEXA DEMIE ❙ CIS-FEMALE 』 ⟿ looks like MIMI MARTÍNEZ is here for HER SOPHOMORE year as an ARCHITECTURE AND SOCIAL ANTHROPOLOGY student. SHE is 22 years old & known to be STRONG-WILLED, GOAL-ORIENTED, ARROGANT & EASILY BORED. They’re living in MORIS, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ nora. 24. gmt. she/her.

this is p embarassing but i actually originally wrote mimi for a discord rp based around love island asgjag dont laugh at me but it was so chaotic n someone deleted it w-out telling any of us so i lost her bio.... all her threads....e verythin.... it was mad. but anyway we startin from scratch w this intro so bare with

mimi is a really extra character so when trying to flesh her out i thot of the most extra thing i could do n made a colour coded mindmap with watercolour paints detailing her values, aesthetics and early life. shoot me

background: she grew up in a trailer home in boulder city, abt half an hour from vegas. her mom had worked in a vegas casino for most of her 20s but relocated to boulder city for a slower pace of life / lower crime rate when she started having kids. mimi has 2 older brothers n she’s the youngest. has that invulnerable younger sibling complex n basically thinks nothing can touch her. very confident in her own intelligence and her ability to get shit done 

has mexican ancestry on her mom’s side. doesn’t know her dad. was raised with spanish catholic principals n found it all very stained glass windows and extra n that’s why she was kinda drawn to the decadence of vegas and all these massively high key aesthetics, like dia de les muertos was her fave thing growin up just bcos the pure feel of the festival and painting a sugar skull on her face n being able to party on the streets in a flower crown where everyone was kinda anonymous but together in this celebration

in boulder city her mom worked as a carer as there’s a lot of retirees there. mimi really resented the slow pace of life, longed for some fucking energy n life. she was a cheerleader in school but outside of school there wsn’t much to do except practise stunts and go on bike rides.  occasionally they’d get dressed up and catch a bus to henderson, the next biggest city for them to get tht sweet night life

her teenage years consisted mostly of hanging around the renovated motel blocks used as housing projects n tanning by the pool. very florida project if you’ve seen that. she reminds me a lot of the mum in that. also she started working as an avon rep going door-to-door when she was 16 bcos she wanted to have her own income. like as young as 14 she’d decided she was smart enough to go to college but she didn’t have the money n her family didn’t really see it as a worthwhile thing, her mom was very like the mom from matilda “you chose books.... i chose looks!” which i think is where a lot of mimi’s more shallow / appearance-driven traits come from

wasn’t really ‘cool’ until high school. before that she was a bit of a lisa simpson type. won a spelling bee when she was 9. was in the mathletes squad in middle school. when she went from middle school to high school she started cheer and tried to reinvent herself basically. always been very concerned with social mobility and keen to socially climb, like when she enters a new situation she’ll find out who the alphas are and quickly try n befriend them

when she turned 18 she moved out and went to vegas despite her mom hating the idea bcos it was everything she’d tried to get her kids away from. she worked in the clubs there for several years as a shot girl, a table dancer, n eventually she started workin behind the bar in a strip club. in the club it ws really hard to resist becoming a dancer bcos of the sheer amount they made in tips. no one really pressured her into it she just eventually decided tht it was way more logical to do it while she was young n fit and had the stamina and ppl were willing to pay to see her body so she started taking pole fitness lessons. she also started working as a cam girl around this time

working in vegas strip clubs is basically whats paid for uni. like she didn’t go at 18 like most of her friends did bcos she didn’t have the money and she didn’t want to feel indebted to a college like she had to compete for her place and not put a toe out of line bcos she was on a scholarship. she was determined to pay her own way and it took 4 years of working really hard and saving n even tho she was working in vegas she basically never went out bcos every penny she had needed to go on uni n thts how we get to radcliffe baybeeyy

part 2  - interior / values / personality

values: the aesthetic !! literally loves the aesthetic so much. everything she owns is super embellished, she’s a pop socket gal, her dell laptop is covered in glitzy stickers, she always has acrylics n probs makes nail art videos on tiktok. really tuned into tiny details like painting a little hello kitty above her eye which translates into her degree when she’s doing small-scale mockups of town plans n stuff... she jst puts so much detail into them. ppl often get surprised when she tells them she does architecture but it makes so much sense bcos she grew up in a trailer park n was always thinking about ways the space could be more efficiently used, like she loves re-conceptualising neighbourhoods, definitely spent hours on sims as a kid. she also grew up near hoover dam n so loads of school trips they just took them there n she was like.... this is tight but it could be cooler.... where’s the passion....

massively into photography, has such a neat instagram feed like everything just compliments the tones in the next post like mMMM. idk if any of u know any architecture students but this is literally the one constant i can find…. like they all have super good instagrams feeds. is that bitch that will take 40 fake candids of u in a row at different angles to get u the perfect profile picture cos she understands the importance of marketing urself and having an online #brand

has wire rimmed glasses that she doesn’t need to see BUT they r like a magnifying glass for when she’s working with really small materials to do a mock up of an urban plan, and also just sometimes wears them for the aesthetic bc she’s such a pinterest bitch

assassination nation is such a big mood. literally the aesthetics of that and lily colson’s whole brand of feminism and nudity not being inherently sexual but at the same time wanting to profit off that bcos why the fuck shouldnt she use a corrupt system to her advantage is incredibly mimi

literally a human personification of a bratz doll both in attitude and fashion sense

somehow simultaneously gansey in the raven cycle AND elle woods in legally blonde? the two genders 

values cont bc i started rambling: her independence and freedom. being the best at any given task she sets her mind to accomplish because she is unable to accept failure. social mobility. sexual liberation. interested in the psychology of sub-cultures and how ppl form groups and interact w each other and cult identities which is why she minors in anthropology. pro-choice. pro-weed legalisation. pro-sex worker rights. very activist.

aesthetics tht remind me of her: von dutch. a strappy cami top that says ‘please do not do coke in the bathroom’. low-waisted jeans that show off her belly button piercing. acrylic nails tapping against a heavily embellished second-hand dell laptop. heart shaped sunglasses in every colour. translucent stripper heels with barbie doll heads and plastic spiders in the heel. spraying champagne you cant afford all over the walls. narcotics in a heart shaped locket. an amazon wishlist full of lingerie linked on your tinder profile. sex tapes recorded on VCR. a religious devotion to waxing clinics. necking shots like you were born to do it.

she’s an enfj type which makes her pretty charismatic and confidence, like she has a fierce kind of energy to her, but she’s also super unwilling to accept criticism, dogmatic and can only really see her own way of thinking, quite ruthless when it comes 2 other ppls emotions despite having a poor control of her own and being prone to turbulence / throwin a bitch fit in the craft lab. easily bored. competitive. self-assured to the point of arrogance. forceful. adaptable. usually more rational than emotional but occasionally loses the ability to make rational decisions when blinded by a need for perfectionism.

very goal-oriented. money motivates her. money and clothes. she wants to look bomb while earning big bucks. when she gets her mind set on a project it literally consumes her she will forget to eat and sleep? i don’t know her.  like when a final design project is due for architecture she’ll be up all night doing adderall and speed to keep her awake working on the placement of a single tree for ages cos its gotta be perfect

loves chaos. will spill your secrets and pretend it was an accident. will always be that gif of kim kardashian sipping her tea while drama unfolds around her. lives for the drama like that gifset of bratz when she comes running and gets her phone out to record a fight.

im makin her sound like a really bad person but hopefully she’ll be somewhat likeable she can be very charismatic and endearing and she’s naturally quite funny. also now she’s finally in college and doesn’t have to worry so much about money she actually allows herself to party n bcos she denied herself of it for so long she kinda makes up for it by going p wild like will be the girl climbing on to stage to crowd surf at gigs or doing a summersault off the bar and being escorted out by bouncers, thats the energy were looking at, pure dionysian hedonistic impulse

really gd at talking her way out of shit like parking fines. so good at being an ‘im baby’ girl and often dumbs herself down to figures of authority to appear less like a threatening ball-breaker and more like a confused fiat 500 girl who didn’t know red meant stop she thought it meant slow down

listens almost exclusively to female artists. has fergalicious on repeat when she does squats infront of the mirror n just the biggest fergie stan. also lana del rey’s whole vibe is massive mimi energy

ok ya thats all i have for now..... hopefully this is somewhat coherent and not just garbage.

[lilyhoshikawa]

Henlo I saw you mention something about uuhhhhh passionate Aoi Zaizen rant, could I get one of those please

I’m so upset. I’m so angry. I have so many emotions. SO many times they did this girl dirty, so many times!!

This was widely talked abt right after it happened but I just got done rewatching the blue angel vs specter duel and I am filled with a renewed anger the likes of which has never been known. The absolute atrocity of that duel’s ending

Just to clarify, everything in that duel supported Aoi winning. It was the natural progression of her character arc, from her initial weakness allowing specter to brainwash her into Hanoi’s weapon, she eventually grew out of her days of simply being an idol to seek the attention her brother didn’t give her, something the Vrains writers consistently frame as inherently selfish and not a completely natural reaction for a teenager in her situation to have. But regardless, she’s a “selfish” idol seeking attention, she ends up being used by bad people, she gets saved by Playmaker, she learns more about him, fights by his side and decides she wants to start fighting for a cause. She defeats Vaira in the ultimate moment symbolizing her character growth. She’s no longer just an idol being fawned over by her fans, she is a hero who protects Link Vrains

Cue specter duel. The start is fine. This shitty, arrogant dickwad who already hurt Aoi goads her into a duel. He’s a jackass to her all the way through. But as the duel progresses, she learns about him- like her, he was lonely, struggling with no friends and no one to give him warmth and attention. Like her, he simply needs to be set on the right path. Suddenly her anger toward him shifts to empathy as she declares she is fighting to save him, which he mocks of course. She ends up in the typical Yugioh hero predicament of “how do I get out of this”, and pulls out a new ace monster that FINALLY causes specter to act SURPRISED for once in the duel, for once not somehow just predicting all her strategies. She turns the duel around and strikes the killing blow.

Only… that doesn’t happen. Specter pulls some bullshit, turns it around, and wins, making sure to burn up the book that symbolized Aoi’s decision to fight in the first place. And to rub it in even MORE, he calls her “the pathetic girl who couldn’t become a blue angel”, declaring he will “take everything from her”.

And then, suddenly… the context of all of that changes. The mockery specter has been giving her the whole duel goes from becoming the typical villainous arrogance to a much more cruel situation, the person already determined by the writers to win the duel taking all the time he has to rub in how superior he is to the girl who actually bothered to grow as a person. It’s as if specter is some self-insert of a misogynistic male anime fan who knows no girl can stand against him no matter how much better written she is, because he has the power of writers’ bias on his side.

Aoi is slammed into a building and lands face-first on the ground completely decimated. The next couple shots feature specter standing over her grinning and smirking as he makes comments about how pathetic and weak she is. She is clearly unconscious and can’t hear them. This is for the audience.

So alright, I hear you saying, maybe that’s just meant as a “kick the dog” moment; show us how evil specter really is and why it’s the wrong idea to try to sympathize with him. Aoi tried that and she couldn’t do it, so it means some people are beyond saving. Now I’d still have a problem with throwing Aoi under the bus to make that point, but whatever, narratively it’s sound reasoning. Only what’s the next thing that happens? He duels Playmaker, and we learn he’s a Lost Incident victim. We hear his backstory and are shown him as a sad child, motivating us to sympathize with him.

It doesn’t stop there. Specter doesn’t mock Playmaker like he did Blue Angel, naturally, because Playmaker is cool and respectable. So what does he do instead? Mocks Aoi some more! He draws constant reference to how Aoi fell for his various strategies. Now he does later start mocking Playmaker, and I get that, but that leads into another point: it’s not because Playmaker is “weak” but because he’s “too heroic”. Yusaku is able to quickly disarm Specter’s deck and is ready to finish him off before he pulls out his hostage, Akira, who ALSO gets to die a reasonable death. Everyone who dies in the Tower of Hanoi arc, with the exception of Aoi and perhaps Ema (another girl, funny that) are treated with respect as they die. Yusaku easily beats the person who gave Aoi so much trouble.

Revolver, right before his duel with Go, notes Aoi’s fate, saying “my subordinate, Specter, defeated her”. His subordinate. Not even the main bad guy. She doesn’t get the level of respect of Go, the guy who would go on to become an antagonist while she remained (on paper anyway) one of the main trio.

Nobody watched Aoi’s duel with Specter, no one commented on her courage or bravery or how hard she fought or cried when she was defeated, not like with Go. She didn’t get to reveal some big strategy of a major villain and disappear giving Playmaker one last cool remark. No, she got completely outsmarted and knocked unconscious on her face so that a man could stand over her body and insult her.

In season 2 it is obvious no one knows what to do with Aoi. She’s thrown in 800 directions to serve whatever role she’s needed for, most often losing for some reason or another. She keeps having these moments of determination and character growth where she makes a “big decision” and resolves to fight, but it never really works out for her, no matter the cause. Whenever they need someone to lose, she’s there. The Blue Angel avatar, based on her childhood hero, which represents her desire to bring people together? Gone, tossed away, replaced by Ghost Girl’s Apprentice. Now that that’s done though, now we need her for something else, you see, we’ve got a Girl Ignis and we don’t wanna write another girl, we already overdid ourselves writing the two we do have. Let’s just use Aoi instead and shoehorn in a relationship with a barely existent character who just happens to be part of her backstory as her oldest and most important friend, a thing that may contradict her entire character’s driving motivation from season one, but hey, fuck season one.

In season 3 she is glued to her brother’s side. She does less than nothing. She is fodder to be defeated by Ai and nothing more. They don’t want to bother giving her a duel of her own (if they did I’m sure she’d lose to Roboppi and not even Ai himself) so she duels with Akira. Akira sucks shit and his deck is trash so Aoi, with her Marincess deck, carries him. Akira is praised for being strong and cool. Aoi loses to Ai due to an incredibly situational counter. I’m so tired.

Every character Ai kills is treated with some respect by him. He mourns the loss of Go, who murdered one of the Ignis he’s fighting to avenge. Meanwhile? He repeatedly mocks Aoi during the duel. She starts out fighting Ai with all her might, but eventually comes to realize his sadness and loneliness after losing his Ignis friends. She tries to empathize with him, telling him she can relate, because she too lost Aqua. Ai gets angry that she thinks her loneliness is the same as his. When she announces her desire to protect her brother, Ai begins repeatedly mocking her using this. He ignores Akira entirely, zeroing in completely on Aoi and continuously mocking her about her chances of winning, acting superior, knowing he’ll be able to take her bother from her, take everything from her, and leave her all alone.

Say… does this sound familiar to anyone?

Ai erases Akira but “spares” Aoi, standing over her as she lays collapsed and soaked on the floor, mocking her by telling her how she now has to live with herself after failing to save her brother.

No, seriously… is this familiar to anyone?

It’s almost as though… aggressive, patronizing misogyny is built intrinsically into Aoi’s character, and she’s used as a vessel for toxic and abusive ideas about men who are “hurting” and how “soft, immature” women who profess to understand them or have empathy for them are naive idiots deserving to be beaten and mocked

Misogyny isn’t just a part of Aoi’s arc, it is built into the very philosophy that drives her treatment in the show. And it makes me really sick trying to engage with Vrains after having this realization

[imaginedsoldier]

nothing has motivated me to work out in months till i saw ur selfies but i always kinda dont get very far in my efforts to work out consistently and it doesnt help that im currently not v strong n have bad stamina so im kinda :/ abt starting up again,,,,,, any tips pls 🥺🥺🥺

Hey there darling. I'm glad I was motivating towards getting you in the gym, that always makes me smile.

Starting can be difficult and starting over can feel like you're always backsliding. I've done a lot of starting over and also helped a lot of people through their starting over so I have picked up on some patterns that might be getting in your way. I am going to make some assumptions here since I know nothing about your actual situation.

Far and away the biggest thing I see is that people load themselves up with too much too fast. People tend to look at exercise as a portion of a work-life overhaul package where they're gonna get it all together and frankly it is unrealistic. Exercise can be a draining, time-consuming, mentally taxing activity to learn, especially when incorporated with other changes. People often change their exercise and dietary habits at the same time- that is often a mistake.

See, humans are pretty change-resistant. We tend to favor consistency, predictable days, and familiar surroundings. It's what makes habit-forming both difficult and rewarding. If you change your sleep schedule, your level of physical activity, and your dietary habits all at once two things are going to happen- you're going to hate it and you're going to start compromising on every single activity. What's gonna happen is that your ability to execute all three is gonna suffer because too many changes at once without a personal trainer, a nutritionist, and a personal assistant is just too much of a mental load for an untrained person.

So my first piece of advice is pick a change you can manage. When it comes to fitness, start working out and don't worry about the dietary component until you're consistently in the gym, hitting your weekly workout goals, and comfortable in your ability to handle the shift in macronutrition.

Next would be to manage your workloads accordingly. You don't need to be in the gym 6 days a week starting out. Your body doesn't have the ability to handle it, your joints and muscles need rest, your digestion has to adjust to the shifting calorie demands.

Pick a number of days and length of training time you know you can hit 100%. 3 days a week for 45 minutes to an hour is a great way to start feeling the movement, getting your cardio up, and putting some wins up on the board. If you look at a chart of your monthly progress and you see that you're hitting 70% of your 5 goal workout days you just won't feel as good as if you see that you're hitting 100% of your 3 goal workout days. Set very achievable expectations to start giving yourself gold stars for meeting those goals.

As far as feeling weak- about half an hour before your workout, make sure you hydrate and get some carbs- don't worry about macronutrition starting out. Get some bread with a sandwich, eat a banana, some oatmeal is great, just get some carbs in your bi body. You're not a tier 1 triathlete, you're not going to experience transient hypoglycemia from eating before your workout, but you will notice if your arms feel heavy and your tummy rumbles.

More than that though- you're gonna feel weak, and that's just fine. You only grow through effort. If putting up some 10lb dumbbells for a fly press is hard, but not excruciating, then what I'm hearing is that you're experiencing resistance from 10lb dumbbells. You're working! That's gonna translate to strength over time. Keep going!

As far as concrete goals for improving your ability to perform work- improving your flexibility, cardio, and muscular endurance are going to be key. Stretching, calisthenics, and some sort of cardio are going to be your bread and butter for a few months while you increase that v02. I suggest interval sprints- go running for a set amount of time, say 20 minutes, but every 4 minutes do a 30 second sprint. That 30 seconds is going to be what the general consensus in physiology says will improve your ability to do hard work for longer periods.

So honestly, my suggestion for someone starting out is planning out a calendar month of 3 to 4 days a week exercise (roughly every other day) where you do body weight exercises (pushups, squats, burpees, core work, stretching, etc.) along with interval sprints. That's going to set you up with a baseline of strength, coordination, and cardiovascular endurance to then be able to translate into weights, more consistent running, boxing, or what have you.

I think the biggest point of failure for prospective exercise goals happens in the scheduling process- a failure to adequately plan a doable routine that is realistic about your goals. I hope this was somewhat helpful, darling.