#and it's like. if I'm just honest this could open a new path. this could be a way I help music come back to my family's lives

[kittlyns]

It's so hard having a genuinely abnormal family that makes most of your past and current experiences completely unrelatable to 98% of the general population

[cokou]

𝚂𝚞𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚘𝚟𝚊 𝚃𝚛𝚒𝚘 + 𝙰𝚌𝚎 × 𝙵𝚎𝚖!𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

sum. Forcing your boyfriend to adopt a new fuzzy friend into the household, maybe you've spent too much time with the fuzzy. ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ tw. Fluff. Jealousy. Law's and Ace's a bit longer cause, favoritism. ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ a/n. New writing style! We could never go wrong with loving fuzzy and cute animals!! Dont transfer or translate in any platforms,this is my only account, will not be cross posted anywhere! masterlist♡

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷𝙻𝚊𝚠

After joining the Heart Pirates and dating their captain, your number one entertainment is to soend time with Bepo and Law. While Bepo does feel embarrassed for your acts to him, you absolutely felt like he's a huge cuddly bear more than a scary one.

He even complained to Law himself that he should get you your very own fuzzy friend since you've bothered Bepo so much he couldn't face you anymore without getting embarrassed! Law, the asshole he is, refused to get you one.

You very much enjoyed the idea and pestered Law into getting you one yourself and have some dignity for Bepo, then, he finally agreed. You both visited a pet shop, and just with it's entrance you couldn't leave anymore. Inside were full of cute animals waiting to be adopted, you just wanted to take them all.

"(Name)-Ya, what about this guy?" He pointed and peeked into the small cage, and there, was a white fluffy kitty who has just woken up from its slumber. Yes, perfect! It looked so cute and cuddly! You already fell inlove with it just by looking! "Awh, look at how much she resembles Bepo!"

You both took her back, and upon your arrival you set her free in her new home, the sub.

For the past few weeks, your attention had been glued to your new friend, not wanting anything on your path. It was so bad you had more pictures of her than you and Law combined! And the way you trip because you watch her instead of where you were going.

Law on the other hand, was definitely not feeling it, he felt like the white furball just replaced him with everything! You shared a bed with her, she gets your attention, she gets to be with you all day! If he were honest, he would blurt out how jealous he was for the furball.

In which, you suspected him for. "Law, are you really okay? You've been quiet and only staring since you sat down."

"I told you I am okay, don't worry." He finally let out a sigh after realizing you weren't with the kitten anymore, that was until he heard meow, and behind you was the kitten. You picked her up and setted her into your lap, receiving a piercing glance from Law.

"Are you okay? You're doing the stare aga— ohhhh..." You had finally realized that he was jealous, not by anyone, but the kitty that you've been giving attention to.

"What?" "Don't tell me you're jealous of our little furball!" You laugh at him. "What?! W-why the hell would you think that?"

"Law, it's quite obvious...come here, lay with us." You invited him with open arms and he jumped right into you.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷𝙻𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚢

Ever since Chopper had joined the Straw Hats, you couldn't take your hands off his cheeks and head, continuesly patting and hugging him from his cuteness. Even your boyfriend, Luffy had agreed!

Chopper was definitely nice to have around, when you're stressed? You pat him. When you need to let it out? Hug him. He's just so cute and fuzzy! The way you'd kill people when you hear them talk bad about Chopper, because you refuse to let people think that he was a monster.

Eventually Luffy thought that you and Chopper became best friends of how you two always chatter about everything, at first he taught it's what makes the crew more unique.

But eventually, after a month, he noticed how you'd been glued with the reindeer all the time. He taught it was normal since you two were best friends but, this time you might have crossed the line.

"(Name)!! I'm hungry, can you cook meat?" He asked you with the usual big smile on his face. "Oh no Luffy, could you ask Sanji? I'm hanging out with Chopper today.." Bad Idea, you never refused to cook him meat even if you were busy. He knew you enough to just refuse to cook meat for him. The way he frowned as you waved him and went into the dock with Chopper.

Later that night, when everyone was asleep, you felt someone tugging your clothes. "Pst, (Name)." It was Luffy.

"Eh? Luffy? Why are you awake at a time like this.." you groggily whispered. "Just come here" You spproach his area and he pulled you with him.

"Finally some peace between us" He gave you a big grin and placed his hand on your back. "It's been a while you know— you've always been with Chopper."

"Luffy, wh— are you jealous of Chopper?" You came with a conclusion that maybe, just maybe he got jealous of your constant hanging out eith Chopper.

"Hmm...is that how you name it, (Name)? If so then yes!" You plopped your hands on his chest and gave him a giggle. "You could've said so earlier, i would've spent more time with you, Lu"

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷𝙺𝚒𝚍𝚍

It was 100% your idea, you had convinced Eustass to bring company of an animal into the Victoria Punk. Not only because you had no one to talk to other than Killer or Kidd himself, but simply because it was boring out in the ship.

Lucky for you, Kidd agreed to get you one of your choice, in exchange of...things. So you decided to get a Cat of your choice, simply after declaring it's recruitment into the Kidd Pirates. You gave every ounce of your attention to it, even if it means opening the door of the bathroom when you take a shower just incase the furball could come inside and pet itself across your legs.

Well that only happened twice, what DID happen was Eustass peeking at you while taking a shower, which happened about 90% of the time. You didn't mind though.

Back to our fur friend, it bothered the cleaners of the ship on how they'd find furry hair on every furniture they clean. Kidd even complained that your shared bed was full of cat fur and that it was sticking onto his skin! But you couldn't careless.

Everytime you had a chance to sit, the cat eould latch itself into your lap, preventing you from standing up and doing business. Because standing would mean disrespectful!

Now we have an angry Eustass, whenever he wants you to be around him your excuse would always be 'But theyre on my lap' and 'im playing with them give me a while' He was getting fed up with both you and the cat itself.

So you're at the comfort place in the ship, with Kidd having a staring contest with the animal on your lap, whilst you read a book a chill. Then suddenly he spoke up, "Okay that's enough." He stood up, took the cat and placed it outside the room.

"Why'd you do that for?!"

"Oh please, you have all your attention on that animal since it stepped foot into the ship, give it a break." He scoffed.

"Or you're just jealous because i give it more attention than you?" Oh, NOW you're dead. "JEALOUS?? Why would i be jealous over a stupid furry?!" He was. He was 100% jealous.

"Okay first of all, it's not a stupid furry! And second of all, you seem pretty defensive, if you're jealous just say it."

"WHAT?! No im n—"

"—Which, you definitely are, come here you big baby. I'll give you the attention you deserve." You cutted him off, now you're gonna be in big trouble.

"And i expect the attention to be filled, get on the bed fucker." It would definitely be a longggg night.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷𝙰𝚌𝚎

He IS the one who suggested to get a furry friend. He'd definitely be the type to adopt a puppy, and then proceed to name it one of the most basic names ever. You could see the disappointment in Marco's face when he found out he named the precious puppy 'Oreo' because it's fur was Black AND White.

He had gotten you the precious puppy as a gift for your birthday as he found out you're into having pets, and your reason? They were CUTE as hell. He had gotten you a puppy who's fur is at the brownish side.

"Hmm, what should we name him?!" "OH! OH! I know! Brownie!"..."Are you being serious, Ace?" You looked at him, praying that the name he suggested was only for sarcasm, but you were taken aback from his response. "What do you mean babe? Of course i am! It's such a perfect name for him!"

"It's... one of the most basic names I've ever heard. " You spared him a straight face, sending shivers down his spine. "Okay, okay I'll think of another name! Hm..how about Cookie?" Yeah he doesn't have naming privileges anymore.

In the end you both sticked into the name you had chosen for the puppy. Everything was going great for the first week, you buying him all the stuff he needed, the most high qualited dog food, and even his own supplies had beaten yours! With an average of spending atleast thoudands of Berries a week.

The second week hadn't been different at all, except for the fact that now that the puppy was growing, it became even more plsyful towards you. Meaning you, had soent almost all your time with it. On the other hand, your boyfriend Ace, ended up getting bitten at the hand for trying to take away it's toy that you gave.

"Babe! Do you see those eyes that's looking at me right now?! It looks like it's gonna KILL me!" Ace climbed up on a chair when he entered the house unannounced and the dog had decided to chase him for dear life.

"Come one Bae, he won't hurt you like at all! He's an angel!" You petted the dog, causing him to sit. "Yeah if it was opposite day I would've believed you! look at him, it looks like it's gonna bite my limbs of one by one!"

"Come on Ace! He won't bite you!" As soon as you reassured Ace thst nothing eould happen if he stepped down, he tried lowering his left foot down, causing the dog the fully bark at him. "SEE?!" Ace's voice was almost crying.

"Bad dog! You know he's the one who brought you to me right?! He's basically your dad! Go to your bed!" The dog whimpers then climbs it's bed.

"You know, after this i expect a full week of attention all mine! Okay?!" Ace pouts and settles himself down from the chair. You gave him a reassuring kiss, "I promise,"

©Cokou 2024, all works made by me.

[fakescenariosbeforesleepblog]

Eye in the sky.

141 member reader(codename: eagle)x könig

You're the medic of your team, you never worked with KorTac before and you weren't prepared for it or for the blue eyed Colonel.

If you like it, give a ♥️ for a second part.

Warning: mentions of blood, injuries, grammatical/ spelling errors, long story. 📢 Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used nor do I claim to own them.

Pt.2

The meeting today is not going well, you've been listening to the boys complaining over and over again.

- KorTac? No, we can do this on our own.

- it's not a suggestion Ghost, I don't like the idea either but Laswell insisted.

- But Sir, those are fuckin animals!

- Yeah I don't like their techniques... Eagle, what do you think?

The four men are looking at you, expectantly, you're in your own thoughts, just waiting for your orders.

- Huh?

- What do you think Doc? Are you okay with the idea of working with KorTac?

Soap wasn't happy but like you he would do what Price and Laswell order.

- I don't mind, I mean we will play our part and they will play theirs, no?

- Indeed, eagle is right, we will arrive together, we'll clean the path for them and then... They will do what we're not allowed to do.

- Which is?

You're not new to this but you seriously don't understand why everyone is so bothered by this situation.

- Common eagle! Don't pretend you don't know.

Gaz is irritated by your silly question but you really need to understand what is going on.

- what? I seriously don't get it.

- They will torture to obtain the information we need, we're not allowed to use the same methods they usually use.

Ghost said it as if it was nothing, but now you get why they're not ok with the news.

Someone knocked on the door, Interrupting your meeting, Price opened while all of you were still talking in whispers.

- Guys, lemme introduce the members of KorTac that will be working with us. Horangi, Roze and König.

Roze and Horangi look strong but König looks like a giant bear, is taller than ghost.

- This is the 141, Ghost, Soap, Gaz and our medic, Eagle, we were already talking about how will we work.

You're still amazed by König's height, you don't even pay attention to what they're talking about, you're observing carefully, his arms are long and muscular, his legs, those thighs could explode anybody's head, his blue eyes...

- Eagle? Are you with us?

- ah? Oh fuck, Yes, I'm... Sorry Captain.

- I was saying there's a small change of plans, you will be working with König and his team.

Fuck, everybody noticed you were literally staring at him, you're blushing, focus, focus!.

- Yes, captain.

- Did you heard what will you do?

- Ah...

- Eagle is my best sniper and medic, sometimes looks like lives in the clouds but I can assure you there won't be problems during the mission.

- I hope so, I don't like to be a babysitter, Roze and Horangi, they're really good at any task (...)

A babysitter? Who does this tall man think he is? You looked at your friends, they're returning the annoyed glance at you.

- I understand, then that's how we will be working, Colonel, I'll give you the details about when we'll start.

The reunion finished, you started to walk to your room when Gaz appeared at your side with his silly malicious smirk.

- I saw that.

- What?

- You were looking at the masked giant, to be honest everybody noticed it.

- Oh god! I was just looking at how tall he is, did you saw him? It's massive, I will need to take like the double amount of everything just in case he's injured or something.

Gaz continued making fun of you, you felt seriously embarrassed you tried to do your usual tasks and pretend nothing happened then disappeared until it was dinner time.

You were looking for the table where usually you and the team sit, there they are, with Roze and Horangi, where's the giant? You look around just to see him sitting alone just with an apple and a protein bar, before you could even notice you're already in front of him.

- Ja? Can I help you?

He's not being rude but also not very kind, he's looking at you with a bothered look.

- Ah... No, well, I was wondering why are you here, everybody is eating together, over there.

- I like to be alone.

- oh okay, sorry...

You turned back and walked to the usual table, you discovered Roze and Horangi are more social, talking a little bit more than their colonel.

- Horangi, may I ask you something?

- go ahead.

- Your colonel... Is he always like that?

Horangi looked at König's direction, he stayed in silence for a moment then sigh and redirect his look to you.

- I shouldn't say this but he has social anxiety. That's why he always sits away, excuse me, I'll go to check on him.

He stood up and left, Roze interrupted your thoughts.

- They're good friends, don't worry. They're always together, well Doc, I hope your captain says the truth about you, take good care of us tomorrow.

She gave you a pat on the back and left, you continued the conversation with your team, keeping an eye on Horangi and König, then everybody went to sleep.

The morning arrived quickly, you're checking if you already have all you could possibly need. You're checking your gun, knifes, belt, you don't want problems with the KorTac guys. Ghost appeared behind you.

- Ready?

- Fuck! Ghost, you scared me. Yes, just wanted to check once more.

- You'll be alright Eagle... Just... Take care of you when you're with them, alright?

- Is Ghost worried about me?

You tried to joke with him but he was talking really serious.

- I'm serious, we don't know them, we don't know if they have other plans or something.

- Yes, Lt.

The trip on the plane was calmed, everybody reviewed the plan, it was simple, You and König will be in high ground, as snipers, while the rest eliminates enemies that are not visible for you, Roze and Horangi will be searching for information and the target, once they found him, You and König will join them, you will wait until they finish to obtain information, give medical attention to the target because Laswell needs him alive.

You and König started to walk to the highest ground you could find, you're just following König In silence until he decided to speak.

- Why Eagle?

- What?

- Why that codename? Eagle?

- Ah well, my father is a huge fan of that old band... The Alan Parsons project, do you know it?

- I don't think so.

- do you know that song... « I'm the eye in the sky, looking at you I can read your mind...»?

- nein

- Oh well, it's a good song, my dad sang it for me when I was afraid or anxious. When I joined the army I sang or hummed it all the time and everywhere, eventually everybody knew me for that and started to call me eagle because you know, the song and I'm a good sniper, I like it, it's a reminder that my dad still walks at my side, even if he's no longer here.

You looked at him and to your surprise he was observing you, too focused on your story, his eyes are blue and his look is soft, then he looked somewhere else.

- Good story. Umm I think this is a good place, what do you think?

- Sure, it gives us a good view of the place.

The radios interrupted the conversation. «Eagle, König, Are you ready?»

- Yes Cap, you have eyes in the sky.

You and könig started to shoot and it became a competition to see who would shoot down more targets. You started to laugh and so he did.

- Ha! And they said I couldn't be a sniper.

- God! You're a good sniper König, you're hard to beat.

- Danke, you're good too.

And there it is that look he gave you before, soft blue eyes but once more something interrupted you.

«König, we found him, bring the Doc, were waiting for you, he refuses to talk» «Do your magic Colonel!!» Horangi and Roze were on the radio.

He Stood up and offered you his hand to help you to stand up, you started to trot quickly, In silence, you noticed how tense he was, you arrived at the location, Ghost and Soap were waiting for you outside, König got inside the house, you were ready to follow but Ghost stopped you.

- What? I'll go with them, no? Where's Gaz and Price?

- You will wait here until they say you're allowed to go there.

You looked at both of them in confusion, soap simply nodded at you.

- trust us, eagle, you don't want to see that. The cap and Gaz will join us soon, they're blocking the communication in the zone.

A few minutes later you started to hear someone screaming «Please!! Please, I beg you to stop...» then silence again, you're worried but you know soap and ghost were right, maybe it's better to not see what is going on there. Almost an hour later Roze came out. «It's your turn Doc» before you could give a step inside the house she warned you «I have to say... it's not a nice view» she went back inside and you followed her, the smell of blood became stronger with every step you gave, before you got inside the room, you could hear some laughs, you opened the door just to find König cleaning his hands, while Horangi was cleaning a knife, next to them was a man, in a chair, he's unconscious but breathing, blood is everywhere, certainly Roze wasn't lying, it wasn't nice, but you made your best to look normal.

You kneeled down in front of the man, started to look for a serious injury that needed to be attended before some other, his face is hard to recognize, is bloody, puffy, purple, fresh cuts still bleeding, his fingers are broken and don't have nails anymore, there's deep cuts on his thighs, broken ribs, nose broken, you can bet he is deaf and toothless now, his ears are bleeding too, it's a mess, you don't know where to start.

Horangi decided to let you work, he left, there's only you and König, you can feel his eyes fixed on you.

[the-girl-wh0-cries-w0lf]

Tiny humans - Dr James Wilson x peds!reader

description: House gets to meet Wilson's new girlfriend for the first time when his case takes him into his worst nightmare...peds. House is in for a shock at the ball of sunshine who has his best friend on a string.

authors note: my first post for this series I want to do of oneshots and my first fanfic post on tumblr ever...enjoy!!! Btw i'm taking a lot of inspo from Arizona Robbins from Greys anatomy

Masterlist

REQUESTS OPEN FOR PEDS!READER - request here

House limped down the hallway followed by an exasperated Wilson who was concerned at his friends eager step, seeing as he was on his way to see a patient. How un-house-like.

"This is peds remember, these aren't normal patients. They don't lie, they don't have ulterior motives, they're just...kids." Wilson halted his friends shoulder and turned him towards his concerned face.

"So, wait until they've had a sip of beer before berating their existence?" House mockingly tilted his head in faux concern. Wilson's mouth opened but all that left was a sigh.

After confirming that his friend was no longer going to halt the inevitable, he continued on with a new fervour in his limp. But Wilson didn't stop there and sped to catch up with the surprising amount of ground his friend had covered.

"You see she loves these kids almost...almost like they're her own. She's smart and is excellent at what she does but she doesn't care about that." Wilson paused and looked back into his mind, picturing the moment he first saw her in a child's room, a plastic tiara on her head and an empty teacup perfectly clasped between her fingers.

"She cares about the kids."

"Wow. I'm touched." House grasps his chest and wipes away a non-existant tear. "Do you know how easy being a paediatrician is. They can't lie until they grow teeth and after that they're stupid enough to reveal to us when their parents lie. There's a reason it's 'daddy touches my special place' and not 'daddy gets aroused by children.'"

"That's it I'm making the rule. No pedaphile jokes."

"But the jokes literally in the name...peds"

"Who lets you around children?"

"Who lets me around people? Haha, I got you there!" He jabs a finger into Wilson's chest. Wilson rolls his eyes and holds out his arm to prevent his morose friend entering the land of happiness. Well as happy as a bunch of sick kids can be.

"Well let me appeal to your true nature." Wilson sighs. "I like this girl and she likes me. Please don't ruin it?"

"How could I say no to those puppy dog eyes. Fine! But only in the name of your libido, at least until I finish my soul-searching and realise my true calling is your bed."

Whilst House finishes his thought, they are spotted by a woman in pink scrubs, absent of any colour of coat. She briskly walks towards the two.

"Dr Wilson, Dr House. My name is..."

"I don't remember nurses names, it's nothing personal, I rarely remember anyones."

Wilson coughs and shoves his friends shoulder to direct him towards your burning gaze.

"As I was saying, my name is DOCTOR y/l/n. Pleasure to meet you."

Despite the gaze, her smile remains cheerful and she extends her hand for House to shake. Reluctantly, he eventually offers it and it is taken in a firm and bouncy handshake.

"James has told me so much about you, to be honest I'm surprised our paths have not crossed sooner. Regardless, today I am so happy to welcome you both to peds. The most magical place on earth."

Whilst listening to her, House took stock of the woman in front of him. Her pink scrubs seemed to be the dullest thing about her. Her hair was collected in a ponytail that swished its way down between her shoulder blades. Her pockets were lined with memories of her past. A pink glitter pen given to her from a girl who was continually brought in for asthma, a ball of yarn from a boy who had loved knitting, a yellow sticker saying great job, a blue glitter one saying 'you go girl'. There was a pencil with a yellow smiley face rubber and another that seemed to contain many colours. I guess that just made it all the more fun. House smirked when he saw a pocket protector. Not too dissimilar to the one that lined the pocket of the smitten brunette next to him.

"Gentlemen, this is peds. This is the place of the tiny humans. They like glitter, they play games, they see us as magicians. They believe we are the magical healers who can cure them. So that's how we present ourselves to them. The tiny humans may be tiny but they are strong. Stronger than most. Their bodies fight because they know they have so much life left to live and we try our hardest to give them as much life left as we possibly can."

As the girl speaks, absolutely in awe of her job and the lives it saves. She fails to notice the adoring gaze of the one she calls hers. The brunette looks to her as if she hung the stars and the moon and even though he could hear House's eyes rolling into the back of his skull, he couldn't bring himself to look or care. Not when she was in his line of sight.

"So you will not be stubborn, you will not be blunt or sarcastic. As far as I'm concerned, today you are the two newest editions to the circus. So play the part and follow my lead."

She picks up her files which were each coordinated by colour and glitter. House smirked at this. She turns to push open the door to the unit but falters.

"Also..."

She turns back to face the two men.

"The owners of the tiny humans can be quite volatile. You've been warned. Enjoy!" Her look of warning is quickly replaced by a mask of pure joy.

House softly giggles.

"I like her. Will we soon be hearing the pitter patter of tiny 'Wilson' humans?"

Wilson didn’t even hear his friends comment and instead chose to follow his beauty, like a moth to a flame.

House shrugs.

"Men, never thinking with the right head." As he eyes the glitter residue that adorns Wilson’s sleeve.

[cosmic-ghost-hermit]

Pick a Card: Message from your Spirit Team

I love connecting with everyone's guides! Thank you to the collective and their spirit guides for your support in this reading. I love you! The universe loves you! and your guides love you!!! <3 Take what resonates and leave the rest behind but always be open to new perceptions.

Decks used are: Alchemy Oracles, Archetype Oracle, Necronomicon Tarot

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(U will feed a queer person if u donate)

Drop any reading suggestions, request readings, or reading recommendations in my ask box! Can't wait to see what y'all wanna see!

_________

PILE ONE

Astrology: Virgo, Gemini, Scorpio

Song: Shooting Star by Owl City

Vibes: Black, white, green, blue, thunder, rain, prophetic dreams, illusion, secrets, finders-keepers, forests, 9999, corsets, darkness, frozen fruit, con artist, narcissistic, Hera

Cards: 6 of Swords, Eros, Destroyer, Quicksilver

My friend, you have bitten off more than you can chew while standing upon a really unsteady foundation. It will crumble eventually. It isn't a matter of "if". It will happen. It is a matter of "when". You can't go on like this. You can't play both sides. You are going to lose people who you dearly love if you keep it up. Your intentions are pure I know. You don't want to rock the boat. You don't want to make the wrong decision. The actions you took were driven by a good heart but you are stretching that good heart too thin to be able to continue like this. What you are doing was supposed to be temporary but you are treating it as if it is sustainable and permanent. Luckily, there is an escape from the desolation you could face. You must be honest about how you feel to yourself. You must be true. You can't just follow anymore to make everyone happy. Decide for yourself because there is no staying out of it anymore. If it takes you time to decide that's alright. If you need time to do research on whatever decision this is that is fine. Take your time deciding. But you MUST decide and if you don't decide then it will be decided for you.

This feels like a different decisions for different people reading this. I can see it might be about a situation-ship or familial/friend drama. It could be political as well. Either way you have spent most of your time in this situation sitting on the side lines and not making any moves. You believe if you ignore whatever is happening it will solve itself. It won't. I'm sorry. You are being tested and being indecisive is the only way you can fail. Not deciding will have the most cons and very little pros. I can definitely tell why it has taken you a bit to think about. Either decision you make there will be pros and cons to whatever it is you decide. You think you can escape the cons by not addressing it at all. However, being complacent is a decision, my dude. Not deciding is still a decision to do nothing.

When you do decide, you must stand firm on your decision. You MUST. Don't be wishy washy about it and change your mind once you have chosen. Even if you have regrets you MUST stand firm. Your guides will reward you after with many gifts of love. I also see gifts of knowledge. Later down the line you will see why you had to make the choice. You will be enlightened on what would have happened if you chose the other route. I can hear you sighing in relief when you learn this and not regretting your path. I wish you luck, my dear.

_____________

PILE TWO

Astrology: Sagittarius, Leo, Capricorn

Song: Gold on the Ceiling by The Black Keys

Vibes: Yellow, pink, red, crows, bats, crowbars, dirt, grave yards, 333, courtesan, aging, mushrooms, pine needles, sewing, weaving, looms, large dogs, Persephone, Hades

Cards: The Sun, The Poet, The Lover, Smoke

My dear, why are you so mean to yourself for attempting to be happy? What is the logical purpose of that? Listen, I get it. You have been through so messy messy stuff. It fucked up your head and it corrupted the way you think and talk about yourself. But seriously, can you think of any reason besides "it feels familiar to hurt which means it's safe." Dude. For real, stop being so mean to yourself. It doesn't get work done faster. It doesn't help you when you aren't working and you are trying to rest. It isn't doing you any good to put yourself down for what you enjoy. It just makes life harder than it already is. It doesn't have to be that hard. It SHOULDN'T be that hard. I know what you say to yourself, dude. You mimic those who have criticized you in the past. You are parroting the pain they caused you and repeating the cycles of abuse you faced. The people who hurt you before were looking in mirrors. They weren't truly looking at you. Their opinions of you don't resemble reality. They just wanted to bully someone besides themselves to feel better about themselves.

The insults you are repeating aren't how you truly feel. You are a so much more than a victim. First of all, you are an important person. Second, you are an artist. A very good artist, I might add. You can capture the emotion you are feeling perfectly when you create. When you write, you communicate what you wish to say so clearly that it touches the hearts of even the most emotionless people. That is power. That is magic. I am not going to say you are talented, my dear. Because I know your skill came from years of practice. Years of love drenched artwork and thoughtful choosing of words. You are more than talent, my dear. You are driven. You are intelligent. Any road block you faced you gracefully jumped over or powered through. Do not be mean to yourself. Do not. You deserve more recognition than that. Only you can do what you do. You are inimitable.

___________

PILE THREE

Astrology: Aries, Libra, Aquarius

Song: Charmer by Aimee Mann

Vibes: Rainbows, candles, moths, reading, pearl, gold bars, ripped clothes, 555, 88, garden, ghost trees, vampires, higher self, lions mane, alternative beliefs, collecting, coffee, Athena, Artemis, Apollo

Cards: 4 of Swords, The Self, The Cave, Mystical Sisters

I am so proud of you. You have locked away who you are for a long time. You recently started to do some self discovery after you left a person who wasn't good for you behind. I don't think you understand what a huge step you've made. I don't think you really see how what you have done is a huge fucking deal. You stood up for yourself. I think you really water down this accomplishment because you had an ally help you. My dude, even if they helped you. Do not forget you have free will. They did not force you to start exploring yourself and standing up for yourself. You could have ignored their offer of assistance. You totally could have said "Nope, I don't want to." Did you forget that? Please don't water down how well you have done. Acknowledge yourself, please.

You are realizing how wonderful you are. You are finally seeing how kind you are and how considerate you can be. I know leaving that person was painful and it is difficult to reopen the book of you without them in it. It is for the best for both you and them. Again, I am very proud of. Your guides congratulate you as well. It is okay to be guarded for a while. I encourage you to protect your peace while you are exploring more of yourself. I encourage you to ask for help if you need it. Especially because I can still feel your heartache from the loss of someone important to you. If it helps your feel better maybe put some energy to your spirituality. I know it might be tempting to look at old photos and dwell on the past connection. It is okay to do that a little bit while you heal but don't get too caught up in what could've been. It is time to focus on the present and keep your mind on where you want to be and not where you were. Your guides are backing you the whole way through.

__________

PILE FOUR

Astrology: Taurus, Cancer, Pisces

Song: Sunrise by More Plastic and Halvorsen

Vibes: Red, light blue, yellow, grey, white, cats, divine geometry, snakes, science, spills, reality tv, 1111, hearts, wine, falcon, dragon scales, astrology, grand square/trine, Hermes, Zues, Chronos

Cards: 8 of Cups, Kairos, Gnosis, Conjunction

Alright my dear, the time is going to be right soon. You know what to do and you know when to do it. Don't question it. Even if it makes zero sense logically, just trust that inner knowing. Trust that you know what to do and where to go. Trust. You will be leaving something soon. Perhaps a group, a relationship or a club. Again, you WILL know when and how, when the time comes. The stars are aligning for this escape route of yours. I know it is a bummer to leave because you have had such good times where you are at. You worked really hard on everything you built there. I know you are really anxious about hearing this because it is a bit vague but you knew this was coming, darling. You could see the signs way before any of the drama started. When shit hits the fan you need to be ready to dip out. Don't worry about preparation. Don't worry about details. The universe is going to take care of that for you. You just have to watch and listen to your heart.

Yes, you are in the right. No, you haven't done anything wrong. Spirit is sorry that it might be kind of sudden but I really believe you have already seen the red flags in the place you are leaving. The BIG drama that is about to take place isn't supposed to be part of your journey. It is meant for others to figure out on their own. You are not their teacher. You are meant to be their friend and companion and I think they have been parentifying you in a weird way. Spirit doesn't want you getting in the crossfire of everything that is about to hit. It wants you to listen closely to your intuition and trust yourself to know. This part of your journey is supposed to be mostly chill at the moment. Except for the sudden upheaval. That part is probably gonna be rushed. Everything will be just right for you, I promise. Keep your eyes narrowed and your perception high. Someone is sprinting in your direction and you will need to keep pace with them when they arrive. They will be your getaway driver. I believe in you. The universe will protect you. You will be rescued. Good luck, darling.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Oh yay, I love your writing btw!! Could I request Jack Kline discovering that he absolutely LOVES it when reader gives him hickeys?? And after the first time he just keeps asking for them bc he always wants a few on him at all times to remind him of you. Thank you!!!!

Okay first of all anon thank you for the kind words :) so glad you love my writing. And Jack plus hickies hmm.....let's see what we can come up with for this little HC.

Okay so Jack and hickies, let us begin!

At first, and obviously being new to this whole human intimacy, Jack never really understood why he would see some bite marks on people's necks.

Bless him at first he thought they had been attacked by vampires but managed to escape before they took the first bite.

But after going to you, his partner, you explain to him that those are not bites from a monster, but bite marks from their spouses called hickies.

"So hickies are.......a sign of affection?" he questions.

"They can be. Sometimes people like to mark their partners as theirs."

"Like a possession? But I thought humans weren't things?"

"No, well that really depends on the whole kinky thing depending on the relationship. To be honest babe, it gets complicated if I try to explain it. The point is, hickies are just really deep kisses and soft bites people do to their partners as a sign of affection."

"Will you give me one?" he asks after a moment of silence.

"You--you want a hickey?" you ask.

"I'd like to know what they feel like. We love each other, right?"

"Yes, absolutely. Only if you're sure."

"I am. So what do we do first?"

He was ready to get straight to business. It was both funny and kinda cute, especially when he gave you that adorable smile of his.

So you begin with a simple make out session. Cupping his face in your hands before finally separating your lips from his.

You then tilt his neck to the side.

"Now just relax, and enjoy it. But if I'm too rough or it hurts too much, just let me know okay?" you say to him. he nods.

It first begins with you kissing his cheek before slowly going down towards his neck.

You hear him let out a gasp as your lips began their path down his neck before stopping midway down his neck.

His body slightly tenses up so you stop and ask him.

"Should I stop?"

"No!" he says urgently. "No don't stop it--it felt......good."

So you continue. With a few kisses just around the spot before giving him a small bite to his neck.

Suddenly a lightbulb explodes from one of the lamps at Jack's bedside which startles you.

You turn to see Jack's eyes glowing gold.

"Sorry." he apologizes. His eyes turn back to normal and you say.

"It's fine. Just didn't expect that. Should we go on or is it too much?"

"I'm enjoying it. Maybe a bit too much. I'll try to not use my powers, I promise." he says as he brings you back chest to chest.

You resume your position and give him another love bite before lightly sucking on the skin of his neck.

He breathless gasps and soft moans are music to your ears as he even tightens his grip on your waist.

After finishing off with a couple of licks of your tongue to ease the stinging sensation, you separate.

"When do the marks show up? How long do they take to form?" he asks.

"Well that depends. I didn't want to go too extreme but I know there's definitely a bitemark there." you then watch as he goes over to his bathroom mirror and observe his new mark.

And he waits, and waits, and waits.

That boy does not move a muscle from his bathroom. Soon enough you got tired and fell right to sleep on his bed.

"Baby! Baby! Sweetheart wake up! Wake up! It came!" you open your eyes to see Jack turning his neck to you and there you saw it.

A light purple bruise from where you had made his first hickey.

"Yep, there it is babe." you say tiredly.

"I love it. Do you think you can give me another one?" he asks excitedly.

You turn to see it's around 2:45 in the morning.

"I'll give you one when the sun's up, now can I go back to sleep?"

"Right sorry. Sleep my love. And thank you for my new prize." you didn't really hear much after he told you to go to sleep.

After that, Jack proudly shows off his hickeys to everyone and all.

In fact there are times he demands more hickeys even when one side of his neck is completely covered with them.

He gets a bit hickey crazy until you tell him that there needs to be a time for healing before any mote hickies can be given.

Of course he pouts because he just loves showing the world your love for one another.

But he allows his current hickies to heal and will just take the normal make out sessions you guys will do every now and then.

There is one time when he tries to return the favor by giving you a hickey.

But he didn't quite understand how the love bite works and accidentally bit you too hard.

Bless the boy he felt so bad, he first healed you of the bite mark and vowed he'd never do it again while frantically apologizing for his mistake.

You calmed him down and said all was good and that you didn't blame him.

In conclusion, Jack Kline loves receiving hickies from his beloved and will wear them like badges of honor. And he doesn't care who stares or Dean's comments of him being 'whipped'.

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 15, Undermined - Pt. 3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, Jade Carthage (she's a warning), delusions.

Word Count: 661

Previously On...: You confronted Sam to question him about Bucky's claim that he happens to get hard when he fights. Fortunately, it seems like he was telling you the truth... about that, at least.

A/N: Ah, tis my final day of Spring Break. Back to regular life tomorrow, and no further breaks until the end of the school year :( Well, we have Memorial Day and now Juneteenth, so that's something, but it's still gonna be a loooong 11 weeks :/ But I gladly welcome the better weather. Did anyone watch the eclipse? I'm in the path of totality, but I slept through it, I think lol. It was cloudy here, anyway, so I didn't even notice.

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Sadly, tag list is closed; Tumblr will not let me add anyone new. If you want to be notified when I update, please Follow me for Notifications!) @jmeelee @cazellen @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @blackhawkfanatic @buckybarnessimpp @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @pattiemac1@les-sel @dottirose @winterslove1917 @harperkenobi @ivet4 @casey1-2007 @mrsevans90 @steeph-aniie @bean-bean2000 @beanbagbitch @peachiestevie @wintrsoldrluvr @shadowzena43

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True to his word (almost as though he were actually trying to make it a habit), Bucky kept his distance from Carthage. Several times, FRIDAY had alerted you that Bucky and Jade had crossed paths somewhere within the Tower, and you would review the footage with bated breath, always expecting to see the worst, as if they would strip off their clothes and start fucking in the common room. But you were relieved to see that he continued ignoring her, acting as though she truly did not exist, and it seemed to be driving her mad with vexation. 

She was so perturbed by it that she eventually came to you looking for a way to get to him.

“I need to talk to Jamie,” she said, interrupting you mid-conversation with one of the scientists in your lab. 

“Okay,” you said, dismissing the scientist. No reason multiple people should have to suffer through this. “Then talk to him. It’s a free country.”

“He isn’t speaking to me,” she pouted. “He’s acting like I don’t exist!”

“That sounds like a ‘you’ problem,” you told her, trying to keep the smile from your face. “I’m not sure what you want me to do about it. Or that I’d actually want to do anything about it, even if I could, if I’m being completely honest.”

“I just don’t know what I did wrong!” she whined. You sneered at that. How could she be so completely lacking in self-awareness? Especially to come to you, of all people, after the things she’d texted to Bucky, after trying to destroy your relationship.

“Would you like the list alphabetically, or in chronological order?” you asked. 

She rolled her eyes at you. “You know, you should have just stayed away from him. Everything would have gone according to plan if he wasn’t so fucking obsessed with you.”

“According to plan?” you asked her, eyebrows shooting to the top of your forehead. “What the fuck do you mean by that?”

Jade seemed to stumble for words. “I– he– you knew I liked him when I first interviewed. And just to get back at me because I was maybe a little bit rude to you, you went and stole him for yourself!”

You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose. You wondered if you should ask Tony for a raise, because while you were paid extraordinarily well, you sure as shit weren’t paid enough to deal with this. “Listen, Carthage,” you began, “because I’m just going to tell you this once: My relationship with Bucky started long before either one of us ever even knew of your existence.” Technically not a lie, just a small fudge on the truth. Friendship was a type of relationship, after all. “And it’s going to keep going long after both of us have forgotten your name.”

“You don’t understand what you’re putting me through!” she cried, tears forming at the waterline of her eyes. 

You stared at her for a moment, unblinking. “What I’ve put you through?!” you asked her, clenching your fists to keep from punching her in that annoyingly pretty face– you knew that would lead to a fist fight you had no chance of winning. “You have been nothing but a thorn in my side since the moment you first walked into this Tower. Before you showed up, I was the happiest I’d ever been, but you had to come along and try to sink your claws into the man I love. You ruined my relationship; fuck, you ruined my life.”

You didn’t know what effect you expected your words to have on Jade, but you weren’t prepared for her insidious smile as you finished speaking. “Maybe you should be asking yourself, if Jamie loved you as much as you love him, why your relationship was so easy to ruin.”

With a flip of her hair over her shoulder, she was gone, leaving you alone, speechless and freshly betrayed all over again.

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

[nicoscheer]

Miles Kane, What It's Like to Play as a 'One Man Band'

We met Miles Kane as a founding member of important bands such as the Last Shadow Puppets with Alex Turner of the Arctic Monkeys and the Rascals. In the last several years, the Liverpudlian has been on a solitary path, as the name of his recent release suggests. We spoke with him shortly before his long-awaited return to Athens, at "Arch Club", on Friday 5/17.

How has your tour been going so far?

The concerts so far are incredible. I'm excited to play by myself, so I'm very happy. I think people are relating and connecting with the songs on my new record and it's taking me to places I haven't seen in a long time. And Greece is one of those places.

Can you tell us a few words about how you wrote "One Man Band", your most chart-topping album to date?

The album was created in Liverpool. We worked on it with my cousin James Skelly, who used to be a member of The Coral. We went back home and that gave birth to the desire to make a completely straight album. Writing songs is what I do best, not thinking too much, just talking about my feelings, my worries and how I want to be better. I guess life in general is what "One Man Band" is all about, stomping on some rock'n'roll, surf music. We had a clear idea of ​​what the album and its sound should be and we followed it to the end. This is also the reason why it is my favorite work of all that I have released so far. I feel very proud!

You started a great career by participating in various bands, such as Last Shadow Puppets. What motivated you to follow a more solitary path in recent years?

I've been doing solo stuff since I was 22 and I'm 38 now. I learned so much from the bands I was in, the Rascals and the Little Flames. Being on my own and free to work with whoever I want and do whatever I want – even if it sounds selfish – I think suits me best.

And what's the biggest lesson you've learned from playing as a "One Man Band"?

Not playing with a band is completely different for me. It's a huge challenge and not many could pull it off to be honest. It has made me improve my performance as a guitarist, as a singer and as a performer.

What is the most important experience from this journey?

It may sound cliche but I really had a lot of good times in my career. But I feel that who I am today as a person in life and on stage gives me new meaning and life. At all these smaller concerts where I meet new fans, I realize that the younger generation brings a whole different energy to it all. I feel that the phase I am in now is the happiest of my life. I feel more connected and hope to stay on this "path".

Are you excited to be back in Athens ("Arch Club", 5/17)?

Yes! I think I can't remember the last time I visited Greece because it's been so many years. I hope people come because I plan to give you the best night of your life.

What constitutes a successful live?

A great outfit, some "golden" dance moves and an audience! I need to feel like people want to be involved as much as I want to be. This is the only way we can go to the next level.

What are your plans for the future?

I'm trying to write something new and prepare a new album, but I'm having a hard time doing it right now. I don't want to stop the flow of things. I'm quite a simple person and I know what I like in life... Music. Maybe next year I'll be ready for a new release.

Is there another side project in the works?

We're not working on anything with Alex. [Turner], like Last Shadow Puppets. But I have this new little side project going on called The Evils and it's an instrumental surf idea. We'll see how this goes... [s.s. In the time between the interview and its publication, Kane along with Oscar Sholto Robertson and Dave Bardon released the E.P. "Miles Kane & The Evils".]

Miles Kane's albums in his own words

"Colour of the Trap" (2011)

"The beginning of the adventure, when I was still searching for who I am. This album opened the way for me. You can hear all the different sides of me in it."

"Don't Forget Who You Are" (2013)

"Probably one of the best songs I've ever written [inc. the title]. Something keeps me coming back to it. It's like coming home to the roots for me. Sometimes in life you can get sidetracked and forget who you are. This song defined me as an artist and as a person."

"Coup de Grace" (2018)

"An intense rock'n'roll, punk period! Coming out with such an aggressive album is not as easy as you think."

"Change the Show" (2022)

"My chance to show my love for Northern Soul and Motown...Growing up I listened to everything from Diana Ross and the Four Tops to whatever was on the radio."

-

Full Greek article

[monstersdownthepath]

Monster Spotlight: Anisydaemon

CR 13

Neutral Evil Large Outsider

Adventure Path: Tyrant's Grasp: Gardens of Gallowspire, pg. 84-85

While many daemons are cruel and sadistic, the Anisydaemons have a particular modus operandi that makes drawing ones' attention particularly harrowing and horrific. Anisydaemons (which I will be shortening to 'Ani' from now on), like all daemons, represent a particular breed of unfair deaths, in this case death through anxiety and all its branches both major and minor. Also known as Worry Daemons, the Anis are subtle weavers of stress and tension, being the only daemons with access to psychic power, which they use to terrific effect against their selected victims to gradually wear them down until, eventually, they snap entirely.

Just being nearby one is usually bad enough, as their Aura of Worry is a 30ft whisper of anxiety-inducing litanies that feel as though they're coming from within the victims' own mind. This is one of those auras which doesn't grant the victim 24-hour immunity if they succeed, so everyone within 30ft of the daemon must make a DC 22 Will save every single round or be affected by the Crushing Despair spell so long as they remain inside and for 1d4+1 rounds after leaving, taking a -2 penalty to all d20 rolls as well as weapon damage rolls. In addition, any creature affected by the aura cannot sleep and cannot gain any form of benefit from resting, meaning that if the victim is already fatigued or exhausted, no amount of taking a breather will make it go away.

If you're wondering how, exactly, a creature stated to be nearly 14ft tall while also looking like a sleep paralysis demon, can take advantage of the latter part of the aura until their chosen victim is a sleepless and half-mad mess, I have awful news on various fronts! The first is that they have Compression, letting them easily slip into people's rooms and be a sleep paralysis daemon. Aiding in this is their ability to Hide in Plain Sight, utilizing their +32 Stealth modifier even if you're staring right at them, but only in areas of dim light or darker (which they can create, if needed, via a 3/day Deeper Darkness). I think that's worse than if they were just invisible, if I'm being honest, but they seem to still appreciate having Invisibility as a backup since they can do it at-will. Activating their aura doesn't break their invisibility, nor does communicating with a victim telepathically, so anyone stalked by one of these horrors is in for a rough time. Even if a victim has no underlying worries or anxieties, someone rendered paranoid by a sudden voice from nowhere or things not being where they should be might come to believe there's an intruder in their home, or that their mind is failing them, and that their inability to fall asleep is proof something is terribly wrong.

something is in the house

The biggest weakness an Ani possesses is its Sunlight Weakness, a crippling affliction that prevents it from using any of its spells, psychic abilities, or its aura while it's exposed to natural sunlight, meaning its hideous work must wait until nightfall... but if its victims could escape just by sleeping out in an open field, it wouldn't be CR 14, would it? Like a living case of crippling anxiety, the Ani clings tightly to its victims until it's sure they're going to snap and take out their frustrations on another, possibly fatally. Not only are victims vulnerable to being snared by its 3/day Suggestion to keep them secluded (and if they somehow succeed, it can still mimic being a voice in their head and use its +23 Bluff or +32 Intimidate), but they can play host to its most insidious ability: Shadow Possession. This ability can be used at any time the Ani is adjacent to a creature and only draws a retributive Attack of Opportunity if they're aware of the intruder, which they may very well not be.

Shadow Possession lets the thing sneak into their shadow and hide inside of it, nesting just underneath them in an incorporeal state and using its Stealth and Hide in Plain Sight to avoid detection AND avoiding the sunlight altogether. When nested in this way, Anis can still project their Aura of Worry outwards to turn their victim into a pariah of anxiety; the victim is constantly affected, and everyone else feels awful when they're around, driving harsher and harsher wedges into the victims' relationships. In this state, not only is the victim unable to benefit from any form of morale bonus, but Ani can still utilize their spell-like abilities and psychic magic... but they can only target the victim (which amusingly means the Ani can, at any time, turn the victim invisible), which is of little comfort for the poor host as they suffer under its power. It only has 10 PE to play with so it must take extreme care when choosing its psychic power or willingly choose to weaken the effect to save on PE--a DM playing with psychic magic should know the rules for undercasting to maximize the daemon's spells!

Whether ruining its victim's life or destroying its foes in combat, it's got access to some potent spells. For one, Ego Whip V, for the low cost of 7 PE, inflicts a -10 penalty to one mental ability score of the casters' choice, a spell which is fairly lackluster in combat aside from its potential for a multi-round stagger but which is perfect for making its stalking victim act like an idiot for a round or two (something its Babble spell is also good for), further driving them closer to the edge. More important and more impressive than Ego Whip is Mental Block, a spell which simply shuts off a target's ability to do anything but attack with a weapon. Not especially dangerous for a Fighter or Unchained Monk, but Rogues lose access to their Finesse, Barbarians cannot Rage, and the poor casters in the party can't do anything until they either remove the effect or succeed the save to end it. Perhaps its deadliest psychic power is Psychic Crush III, which acts similarly to a psychic version of Phantasmal Killer, potentially knocking someone from full health to -1 HP if they fail a Will save, followed by a Fortitude save. Not only is this useful in combat, but it can instantly crumple a stalking victim with what must, to them, feel like a stress-induced heart attack.

Perhaps the most useful tool in their arsenal for tormenting a victim, however, is Murderous Command. A single failed Will save will force the possessed soul to lash out at their closest friend or ally, which may unwittingly condemn that target to the same terror they will eventually suffer: consumption. The soul of any creature that dies while suffering from one of the daemon's mind-affecting effects is utterly devoured by the fiend, and this includes anyone affected by its aura. The possessed victim walking into a room not only drains happiness out of everyone, but potentially their very souls. A clever Ani may hide in the shadow of an adventurer just before they go into a dangerous dungeon, allowing its malicious aura to contaminate the entire party so it can feast upon their souls as they die.

Notably, the Devour Soul works regardless of distance, so if someone dies while still affected by the daemon's Suggestion, too bad!

Ani can sneak up invisibly and slide into someone's shadow without breaking the effect, and work so subtly that most victims, even high-level ones, often don't realize what's going on unless they can beat the thing's Stealth and spot it while it's hiding in their shadow. An especially unlucky creature may harbor one of them for days or even weeks until it feels like unveiling itself, often simply to finish off someone who's reached their breaking point and has lost the will to go on, practically embracing the oblivion that awaits them in the daemon's gut. At this point, I should probably tell you that the Ani is quite fragile and easily killed! If I wanted to lie, at least. Anxiety is hard to beat, and the Anxie-daemon is no different.

Defensively, Anis have DR 10/Good and Silver and a handful of meager elemental resistances, but they're immune to Acid and impervious to poison, disease, and death effects as all daemons are. Despite this, they're remarkably fragile and vulnerable to a variety of spells due to lacking any Spell Resistance, a rarity for a CR 10+ Outsider! They won't go down EASILY, but they WILL go down to most casters and any martial character with a weapon that can pierce their DR and reliably hit their 28 AC. They have Fast Healing 5 so long as at least one creature is affected by their aura, but this likely won't keep them alive if the party can break past their defenses.

Offensively, it's another story; Ani have four attacks, only two of which actually matter. Their two claws deal only 1d8+9 damage, but the twin bites from their distressing double mouths not only deal 2d6+9 damage, but 1d4 bleed damage! And I know that looks low, but that's because it's Wisdom bleed damage, bitten victims losing 1d4 Wisdom every round the bleed continues until the flow is staunched or they go insane. There's no save to avoid this bleed, only avoiding being hit, and remember that almost every offensive spell the Ani has--excluding its 1/day Eyebite, which I ran out of space to mention--hits Will, the stat steadily draining away with every successful bite.

Anisydaemons are slow, methodical killers which sculpt their victims' suffering over time, in contrast to most daemons who simply want the job done quickly and efficiently. More than being a killer, Anis are parasites, slipping within shadows to gorge on the souls of anyone who dies near their chosen victim, and an especially pragmatic Ani could join forces with a creature immune to its depression aura, granting them the ability to project despair and become invisible at will in exchange for a steady supply of hopeless souls. Even without a willing host, an unwilling one driven to murderous rage by the Ani's presence and magic may still get a party of adventurers, or even just a group of guards, called on them... at which point the daemon can use its created darkness to swiftly find a new host among the group, as though it were some form of contagious worry or a living curse, spreading from victim to murderer over and over until it grows tired of the game.

You can read more about them here.

[mysteryanimator]

What music would you believe would represent Mizrak? I was thinking his theme song would be, ✨"Unholy" by Sam Smith.✨

Because he is doing something unholy with that pretty face dragon vampire.👀👀😉

You've opened Pandora's box here. To tell you I have MULTIPLE playlists for both Mizrak and Olrox (and multiple playlists for their dynamic) is an understatement. Right now they're a mess/all over the place, but Unholy by Sam Smith is definitely on a couple of them. It's super hard for me to pick like ONE SONG, so I'm giving you multiple HAHAHAHA.

Here are a few songs I personally think fit Mizrak, categorised by general Mizrak and spicy-core Mizrak. Also, you're getting explanations for each song because I think too hard about my music choices. BTW, all thoughts are my own, I'm just being really silly since season 2 news is coming soon and I'm excited.

pspspspsps when nocturne s2 comes out make sure to watch it and give the crew the recognition they deserve coz they worked their asses off.

General:

Hell's Comin with Me - Poor Man's Posion This describes about bringing justice to those who have wronged him (and in this case others). Also, there's a line about "paying twice as much for the devil to keep your soul", which I feel like is a reference to indulgences but flipped on its head. Indulgences were an actual thing people paid for so they could secure a place in Heaven. So flipping it on its head to double it so they can be ensured they stay in hell is a very cool way of looking at it. Also, Providence, Feed the Machine and Give and Take get honorary mentions because they also fit well but this will get hella long if I also give them explanations LOL.

Foreigner's God - Hozier A song about uncertainty and isolation from the catholic church. To feel alienated by its ideas and values since Mizrak has been doubting about what Abbott is doing before the events of Nocturne take place.

Icarus & Apollo - Ripto Now this also can be a Mizrak/Olrox dynamic song, but also this can be seen as Mizrak's own self-discovery which is his conflict of the Abbott's path on 'protecting' the church and its people, versus how Mizrak personally thinks/wants to protect people. Collaborating with vampires and using night creatures, DEAD PEOPLE is not a path I think he wants but he's stuck unsure of where God is calling him to, and it's a path he has to figure out himself.

Wine and Wheat - Madds Buckley NOW, this is another Mizrak/Olrox dynamic song, but this leans more into Mizrak's POV along with the fact he's again, conflicted about his place amongst his fellow monks/Abbott since he has to conspire with vampires to keep their place against the revolution. COUPLED WITH THE FACT, he's sleeping with a vampire, it's a very confusing time for him, and all he can say in the face of it "Pray with me, pray with me for this madness to end" while he does the best he can to keep the people he cares about alive.

Father Finlee - Spencer Hood, Justin Ray Stringer I will admit a lot of this is for vibes, BUT, also this song is about a man who defies an almost impossible situation and escapes out alive, with Mizrak's perseverance, the burning passion to live, and the potential to die while trying to save others, is a very him thing.

Spicy-core:

side note from me, I feel like we moved far too quickly from this one shot LIKE WHAT THE FUCK /pos

His Hands - Blegh This is actually one of my favourites I'll be so honest HAHAHHA. (Also just the whole album of It Was a Religion by Blegh mostly fits if you think about it). This one steers more into Olrox/Mizrak dynamics because the song starts off very similar to how Mizrak and Olrox get to know each other. They 'do it again somewhere more comfortable' HAHASDJDS. But after that is all exalted from their bodies, there is something between them that they can't place and the tension is THICK. Also the gradual build of the lyrics "And you know you love him, And you might be in love with him, And you know you love him, And you're falling in love with him" IS CRAZY.

A Night to Remember - Beabadoobee, Laufey This one is super self-indulgent, this reminds me of them a lot HAHHA

Take Me Back to Eden - Sleep Token DOOMED YAOI. Not only do we have religious metaphors to describe a relationship here, is a doomed relationship.

The Summoning - Sleep Token "Did I mistake you for a sign from God?" HELLO? Like I know this is a song very much associated with Astarion, but ik this song works for Mizrak POV and Mizrak/Olrox dynamics. In my mind, I think Mizrak IS looking for a sign from God, anything that comes by his way to confirm his doubts, and Olrox just so happens to be a soft nudge that he should be doubting the system he grew up in.

Salvation - Christabelle Marbun I don't need to elaborate further if you look at the lyrics, let alone the title itself HAHHA. Also, this song is super self-indulgent, like there's no way I can't include this in a spice-core Mizrak thing.

Whisper - Burn the Ballroom Simply the lyrics "Come in, sit down, sweet angel, leave me all your tears." Biting the walls over it.

Whoops that was long but uh I have a lot more and its super hard to condense down to a few LOLOLOL, ty for the ask!

[ughgoaway]

the birthday party

content warnings: alludes to sex at one point, drinking, gross romantic stuff and uhhh I think that's it? word count- 2.7k ish

a/n: 2 fics in less than a week??? who am I?? anyway, I was actually lying earlier in the week and somehow managed to finish this just in time for my birthday!! sadly, this is not how I'm spending my day but I am gonna delude myself that it is!!! Unsurprisingly, I am not a fan of this fic and wrote like 2k in a night so please tell me if it's really bad... okay here it is, love youuuuu-

You slam the door of your car and let out a sigh from deep within your chest. The day's weight feels heavy as you walk up to your silent house. The party your work had thrown you for your birthday ended up being less of a celebration and more of a hell hole you couldn't escape.

Sandra, your work “best friend” (a title she had given herself), had insisted on throwing you a party after finding out your birthday was at the end of the week. You insisted it was a small party and begged her for nothing big. And it began that way, just meeting in the conference room after work with a cake from Tesco, no dressing up, no gifts, just a small gathering.

As the week developed, your small get-together began to change and grow into something entirely new. Each email that came in had something added to the invite. Somehow, by the end of the week, it had changed to a semi-formal party, presents “optional” (necessary) with decorations and a personalised cake. 

Today had been bad enough before the party, endless incompetent people seemed to find their way to you. You'd been hit on by 2 men old enough to be your father, screamed at by a 40-year-old woman for being “a stupid bitch” and dealt with 4 more insane people.

The party was just as bad as you expected. The only thing keeping you together was the compliments on your outfit. Matty had helped you pick out the dress you were wearing the night before, insisting on helping you feel just a little bit better about the party. It was nothing much, a simple forest green cowl neck. A small slit went up the side of your leg that hit mid-thigh, you were sure it was too much for a work party but after Matty's never-ending spiel of compliments, you decided to wear it anyway.

You sat through the 2 speeches from your boss and your apparent new best friend before you managed to slip away. Yes, somehow you managed to sneak out of a party that was supposedly for you, but you weren't going to take that personally. You saw the opportunity and ran.

The strappy heels that were once on your feet sat in your hands as you walked up the path to your front door. There were no lights on, which was unusual for this time. You thought Matty would be home and waiting with open arms, but he was nowhere to be seen, his car not even in the driveway. 

You tried to mask your disappointment at your boyfriend not being home for your birthday, You're sure he just got caught up in the studio with George. A new idea probably came to him suddenly that he needed to get done then and there. You almost cursed his brain, but you could never curse the thing you loved so much.

The way you existed in his mind astonished you. Song after song was written about you, each one more beautiful than the last and each one changed how you perceived yourself. You used to insist the person who he sang about wasn't real, that she couldn't be. But demo after demo was played to you with Matty insisting you are real, and you are exactly how he sings about you.

You were this unimaginable force that changed his life in a way he only thought was possible in shitty teen movies. He was enamoured by you, every waking thought was about you, and if he was honest, even his non-waking thoughts were about you. He felt higher than heaven when he was with you, not that he would ever tell you that as he's sure you would cringe and scrunch your nose up at his cheesy behaviour.

The key clicked in the lock, and your door screeched open. Your cat came running at you and began rubbing on your legs. “Hi baby,” you began, turning the entryway light on and sighing once again, “I've got to grease those door hinges, don't I nutmeg?” Your cat had been adopted long before Matty came into your life. Well, adopted was a strong word. You found him hidden under the bins outside your old flat, once a skinny kitten, but he was now a slightly too chunky house cat who loved you more than life itself. Matty always joked that his only real competition for the thing that loved you most in the world was nutmeg, but he insisted he beat him every time.

you drop your heels on the floor and shut the door behind you, wincing at the squeak it lets out. Only to jump where you stood at the sight in front of you.

“Surprise!” rang out from the lounge room, your friends and family all stood with hats and smiles as they stared at you.

Tears streamed down your face as you laughed at the sight in front of you, streamers hung from the beams and balloons coming from every where.

You briefly look around at the people in front of you before your eyes are drawn directly to him, just as they always were.

Matty came strolling up and pulled you in for a brief kiss before escorting you into the sea of people that faced you. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

After 40 minutes of pure joy and mingling, you managed to pull away to get a drink. You enter the kitchen and grab a cup off the side before moving further in to find whatever alcohol you could.

You eventually settle on a Jack and Coke, You spy them on the other side of the kitchen and walk over to make your drink. More Jack than Coke if you are honest.

You take a sip and sigh as the drink slides down your throat, the glass clinks as you place it back down on the counter to take a breath.

Quickly, a pair of hands slide over your hips and settle on your stomach, You know exactly who it is by the scent of his cologne and the feeling of his warmth.

Matty pulls you into his body, your back against his chest. He begins pressing small kisses up the side of your neck and smiles as he hears your poorly suppressed giggles slipping out.

"So what do you think beautiful?" he asked, whispering into your ear before pressing yet another kiss behind it.

You slide around in his arms, his hands cheekily slipping down to grip your ass before sliding up to rest on your waist again. You shoot him a faux disapproving look but soon break out into a large smile at the pure adoration on your boyfriend's face.

"I think it's amazing. Thank you so much, baby," you say, kissing Matty. But you quickly pull away, much to the distaste of your boyfriend who lets out an upset grumble. "It explains all your suspicious behaviour over the last few weeks…" you say teasingly, raising your eyebrows and smiling at the man in front of you before leaning in for another kiss.

This time, however, it was Matty rejecting your advances as he pulled away and looked down at you teasingly.

"Oh, I've been suspicious, have I?" he said, leaning further back of your grip, causing the pair of you to begin walking back together until the kitchen counter stopped you, and you pressed into Matty.

"Please do tell love, how was I being suspicious, huh?" he said with a mocking lilt to his voice, leaning in and teasing your lips with his own. His breath tickled your lips, and he kept evading your moves.

“Well…”  you begin smiling gleefully at your boyfriend, nervous to explain how he's been suspicious, worrying hell realise just how much time you spend lovingly watching him. Some would say creepily, you're sure, but you say lovingly.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You begin with the first thing you noticed, Matty's phone was suddenly attached to him. Usually, he had no idea where his phone was at any given time, believing everyone should be more present and leave their phones at home.

If anyone asked him about it, he would then begin to go on a long rant about the internet and his qualms with it. It was at that point you interrupted and just told whoever he was talking to to listen to “a brief inquiry” and “notes” if they wanted his thoughts on that subject.

But recently you'd noticed he hadn't been asking you 100 times a day “Babe, have you seen my phone?” like he usually did when he left it somewhere in your concrete mansion of a home. Every text and call was immediately answered, and some calls were even taken in the other room. You wrote it off as secret dirty hit business, trying not to delude yourself into thinking something more.

But it was last Sunday when you became sceptical of your boyfriend's new attachment to his phone. 

The sun was streaming through the windows to the courtyard, decorating the house in golden hues that danced over the walls. You and Matty had woken up starving (probably due to the events of the night before) and decided to make breakfast.

So you did, like a couple in a rom-com. Matty's hair was messy, and his pyjama trousers sat low on his hips. He had forgone a shirt this morning as it had been stolen by you. You danced around him in one of his many Jeff Buckley shirts with nothing but panties underneath. 

You swung around in each other's arms and stared into the other's eyes like lovesick teenagers. You put a hand up and began twisting the curls surrounding Matty's face. The other hand slid behind his neck and began to massage the curls back there. A content hum slipped out your boyfriend's mouth, and his eyes fluttered close at the feeling.

You stared in awe at the man in front of you, almost feeling sick to your stomach with affection. You traced each freckle on his face, mentally keeping count before getting distracted by his flittering eyelashes. You marvel at their length and briefly wonder why men always get such long eyelashes.

Before that thought overtakes your mind, you get distracted by another feature on your beautiful boyfriend's face, the light blush that decorates his cheeks. You stroke over the apples of his cheeks and resist the urge to pinch them like a grandmother.

The same pink that flushed his cheeks sat on his plump lips that were begging to be kissed, so you did. You pecked his lips over and over before moving to his cheeks, then his forehead and soon over his whole face. 

His laughter soon broke the pair of you up and in a smitten daze Matty suggested a shower, you nodded and told him to go get it started while you put the dishes away. He happily ran up the stairs to start the shower and you giggled at your boyfriend's teenage excitement.

His phone buzzed on the concrete counter and you fought the internal battle of whether to look, your rational side saying not too soon lost out to intense curiosity.

A message from his mum sat on the screen simply saying, “Oh love, that's perfect. y/n will adore it.”

“Huh… so maybe not dirty hit business” you spoke out quietly to yourself, You soon put the phone down and ran up to the shower where your boyfriend was waiting ready to undress you.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Okay, so maybe I was on my phone a bit more than usual but that can't be it! Surely that alone can't be suspicious” Matty said looking down at you with a grin on his face. 

“Well no… There was that message from your mum too!” You say before whispering something under your breath, “and that other thing...”

“Other thing?” Matty said, leaning back to examine your face, narrowing his eyes at your expression.

You stay silent at bite your lip at him, shaking your head at his questioning glare. 

“No, no. Come on baby, what else made you realise something was up hmm” Matty said. You kept on moving your head from side to side, avoiding his gaze, knowing you'd crumble as soon as you looked at him.

Finally, he gripped your head between his hands and pressed kisses over your face, hoping it would get you to break. 

It did.

“Fine! Fine!” You relent at your boyfriend's onslaught of pecks, “There was the sock drawer thing...” you say quietly, looking up at Matty, who wore a puzzled expression.

“Sock drawer thing?” he asked confusedly, “I'm gonna need more than that babe” he said, a smile clear in his voice.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was the Wednesday of the week of your birthday, Matty's phone had still been attached at the hip to him but you gave up questioning it, thinking he was just feeling more social lately. 

You sat up at the head of your bed, your pillows behind your back and the duvet crumpled over your legs as you read your book. The shower was running in your ensuite, Matty needed one before a meeting at the office.

Soon the shower stopped and after a groan, a voice rang out behind the door. “Babe!” Matty began, “I forgot to get pants and a pair of socks, can you grab me some?”

You smiled at your boyfriend's forgetfulness, knowing he wasn't exactly a morning person, “Of course my love” you reply softly sliding the duvet off your legs and padding across the room to his drawer.

Your hand had barely grabbed the handle before he came rushing out and shouting, “WAIT! NO, NO NO” he stared at you with wild eyes. You shot back and lifted your hands in mock surrender to your boyfriend.

You took in his look, his shirt was half-buttoned but around his waist was just his towel. His curls were sopping wet and dripping on the floor, he was panting and staring at you with unnaturally wide eyes. 

“Sorry babe... Uhh..” he struggled to finish his sentence, looking around the room as if to find an excuse for his erratic behaviour. 

“Just… didn't want you to get out of bed s’all” he said pausing briefly, a nervous smile broke out across his face, “You looked so cosy reading so just… go get settled again”

You looked suspiciously at your boyfriend before nodding and walking back to bed silently. The rest of the day went as expected, Matty kissed you goodbye before his meeting and you went to work where you were bombarded with questions from Sandra about your “big day”.

But you didn't forget his wild eyes and odd behaviour.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Oh yeah!” Matty said, laughing at himself, “All the decorations were stashed in there so I couldn't have you snooping around” he explained causally.  “But that was very odd of me. Were you expecting a party” he asked with a tilt of his head.

He watched your cheeks heat up as you stammered to explain what you expected, not wanting to make him feel pressured.

Eventually, you just spat it out, “Well… I kind of thought you might be proposing to me,” you say cautiously. You watch your boyfriend's eyes widen, and your hand shoots up to his chest to soothe him. 

“Don't freak out, okay!!” You beg him, “It was just the combination of a few things that made me think that. But PLEASE do not feel pressured. We will get married when we do. There is no rush from me, I promise”

You wait with bated breath at his reaction, hoping it wouldn't be running and screaming. Soon, he broke out in wild laughter, much to your relief.

Once his laughter died down, he pulled you in closer and squeezed you lightly, “Not yet sweetheart, but I will eventually, don't you worry.” You smiled at his words and let yourself melt into his embrace.

Little did you know, upstairs in that sock drawer was a ring, no decorations having been stashed there. Just a little velvet box and a written speech prepared for next week, your 6th anniversary.

[blueberrypancakesworld]

Elijah Kamski x fem!reader - I want your soul

warning : minors don't interact/read, smut, p in v , mirror sex, some oral (f receiving), bondage, fluff/comfort, obsession

Summary : Elijah Kamski the genius behind the androids and their accessories. He was the genius of the most important man. Who was looking for someone to work with him on something. But did a genius like him really need help or was it something else he wanted, sought and needed to create something that would give him something in the end.

Info : Okay I've finally finished writing it I'm not completely satisfied for one thing because I've had this floating around for months and haven't finished it, I'm going to write an extra one with a few more themes that I hadn't done here. I hope the smut is good and the story is not too ripped out as always it should be as realistic as possible. Have fun reading :)

Ps : @thatsthewrongwallcraig I finally did it I hope you are still in your Elijah obsession have fun reading :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Detroid had changed since she was born in 2013, it seemed the whole world had changed. Everything had become more modern, more technological and more efficient.

The whole world wasn't just getting closer to the old movies about the future, it had already overtaken them.

It opened up new paths, more possibilities and development was at a level that made them all but immortal. Until the androids came.

Developed by one man, a genius with an IQ of 171, Elijah Kamski. The young genius who developed the androids became a kind of god to some and the devil to others.

The devil for the people whose jobs he had taken away with the androids. He had everything, at least if you could believe the press and the news.

With the invention of thirium and biocomponent technology, he was also the founder of Cyber Life and the richest man on the planet.

He was the incarnate one. The incarnate one who one day launched a public appeal. Not something for a new project since his retirement in 2028 or an assistant or perhaps a successor.

It was rumors that went around the world but especially in Detroid made waves. Until the announcement came from Elijah himself and it was weirder than they had imagined.

Elijah wasn't looking for a successor, he was looking for a maid to inspire his new projects. It was a headline that the magazines ran with and something that caused a boom, suddenly the whole world seemed to be standing in front of the entrance to Cyber-Life's main building.

No one knew what was waiting for them inside, but they all hoped to work for Kamski. It seemed that only one thing mattered to them all. To see Elija Kamski and his money. Because they all knew he would pay well, or so they said.

The kilometer-long queue that stretched out in front had all kinds of people. Everyone who wanted the job would fight for a place. All except for one person, a young woman who was standing in the queue like everyone else.

She wouldn't necessarily walk over dead bodies and would rather take good advice from him that she needed for her studies or a tip for finances because she didn't have any.

To be honest, she was only here to take advantage of this small, minimal opportunity to get the money to pay for her studies and to pay back her parents who had taken on extra debt. A fact that weighed heavily on her heart.

Which is why she could use the money and paying a publisher to turn her script into a book wasn't cheap either and realizing a dream like that would be nice too. But as much as she wanted to, she had to survive the queue first.

I certainly wouldn't be the first to die because of all this standing, she thought, remembering all the people she had seen with tents and chairs. How they came out of the building with their heads hanging or cursing. They had missed their chance.

But she also felt how her feet had been hurting for hours, she had run out of the university as early as she could and yet she was one of the last. But after hours in which the sun would set again in a few hours anyway, it was finally her turn.

Saw how the entrance gradually came closer and closer. She finally had the chance to get to it. Will he notice? the question popped into her head and she became all the more aware of the notebook in her bag.

She didn't know how she should feel about it. Meeting the man who had fascinated her for as long as she could remember.

Meeting the man who was the lover in her book, everything was exactly the same except for the name. Initially in her late teens it was just a model she had used but now. It was more.

More than she perhaps wanted to admit to herself. ,,Miss, it's your turn," a voice snapped her out of her thoughts and her hand slipped into her pocket. Past her notebook and to her wallet and pulled it out.

She thanked the security guard after he had looked at her ID. Before she went into the building with a pounding heart.

She knew it from videos and pictures she had seen in her primary school days. Vague memories went through her mind as she saw an android approaching her.

It seemed as if they wanted to hold back the free spirit and not let people walk around here freely. Like a fake bird in a real cage. ,,Good afternoon, Miss, would you please follow me," he said and she saw the Led flicker briefly from blue to a brief yellow.

He must be announcing me she thought to herself and followed the android with a smile knowing that many others were hostile towards the machines.

Some even went so far as to beat up and kill the androids that didn't fight back. There were unpleasant headlines about severed body parts belonging to several missing androids. Headlines that sent shivers down her spine.

After all, who said that all the androids wouldn't be dead soon? ,,What is it that Mr. Kamski wants from me?" she asked as they walked through the foyer and stood in an elevator. The android stood in front of her and turned his head slightly towards her.

She saw exactly how his eyes avoided hers for a second before he said, ,,A test to see if you are suitable for the job you are looking for," and turned forward again. The quiet hum of the elevator was between them again and her purse had disappeared back into her pocket.

Her heart seemed to compete with her nervousness as the elevator arrived at the top floor of the building. The floor she had never been on before, at least not then.

It seemed almost unbelievable to be back here now. ,,Please, you have to go through this door, good luck," the android said, pointing to what appeared to be a door in the large white hallway with a few modern paintings, plants and bright lights.

,,Thank you," she mumbled and gave the android a small smile before stepping out of the elevator and walking towards the door.

She heard exactly how the android got back in and she was alone in the hallway. She knew she had to go forward. She finally had to go to the door and felt how each step seemed to get heavier and heavier.

But after a few seconds the moment was over and she put her hand on the handle. Opened the door and stepped into the room where she found the man who would give her a job.

The light in the room was dimmer, not so bright that it stung her eyes, it was most like a foggy afternoon with dark clouds hanging in the sky and the threat of thunderstorms. Her eyes fell on the occupied armchair that stood behind a glass table.

The light illuminated the figure slightly and she saw him. ,,Good afternoon, Mr. Kamski," she said, surprised that her voice had held and that she hadn't thrown up from nervousness.

She saw how he leaned forward slightly, the dark strands of his hair framing his face. His bright blue eyes watching her closely as if she were the machine to him and the androids were the humans.

As he briefly pointed to the chair she should sit down on, she obeyed his silent command, her slightly trembling fingers pulling the chair back and sitting down. The slight clatter of her bag seemed to be too loud in the room before she turned her gaze forward.

His eyes met hers and she almost forgot to breathe for a moment. He was everything. He seemed like it came from her imagination, the pictures, videos and articles. ,,Do you think an android can get nervous?" his voice suddenly rang out, so engaging that it seemed to drown out her heartbeat.

The question echoed in her head over and over again. ,,N-no I mean yes" she began to stammer and felt the warmth jump to her ears and cheeks.

Oh god pull yourself together! she screamed at herself in her head, swallowing the lump in her throat and digging her fingers into her jeans. ,,Yes... I do think that androids can get nervous. There are... deviants who show emotions, they are human too," she replied and looked up from her lap to the older one again.

Saw how he had tilted his head slightly. His gaze looked as if he was considering whether he should throw her out or do it himself.

,,So you're implying that androids are human? Are you questioning my work?" he asked, smirking as he could practically see the gears turning in her head. She was apparently trying to guess which answer was the right one.

After a few more seconds of silence, he saw in her gaze that she had found her answer. ,,No, I don't question it, I would say that it shows that the relationship between humans and androids is maybe doing something... maybe human," she dared to put up her tese and saw first to her fear how the small smile on his lips disappeared.

His bright eyes looked at her almost incredulously as if she had deeply offended him. I'll never get a job, she thought to herself and was about to reach for her bag when she heard the sound of paper.

,,Come to this address next week and have your tessellation completed Miss," he said and felt him put a card in her hand. She had it. She had the job.

She had finally got it. ,,Thank you! I mean thank you very much Mr. Kamski, I'll come," she said and grabbed her bags before walking out of the room. The big smile on her lips spoke for itself as the android seemed to rejoice with her on her way out.

But in that time, she hadn't even thought about what it meant to be with him. To move in with him, to be with him for more than just minutes or hours. Forever.

Because a mind infused with devotion and emotion overlooks the obvious. Overlooks the gaze of obsession.

The gaze of possession. The gaze of the rich and their greed for everything. Oh, he would do so much more with her than just have her around.

But she did what he said and came to the address on Monday of the next week. His house was out of town, secluded by roads, woods and rocks.

But when she parked her small car in front of the house, armed only with a bag, she realized once again what this meant. I feel like a little kid at Christmas, she thought as she walked up the stairs to his door. It was the season of winter, snow was slowly falling from the sky and looking behind her she saw the landscape slowly turning white.

Her coat kept her warm and the hat on her head kept her ears from freezing. Ringing the bell, she tried to concentrate on the time in front of her, not the cold.

A smile on her lips turned into a surprised look when a blonde woman opened the door for her. ,,Hello, you're Miss Sun right?" she asked the blonde woman who seemed as perfect as only an angel could be.

An android. ,,Yes, I am Mr. Kamski had given me his address for the job," she replied and saw that the blonde woman stepped aside to let her in. ,,Mr. Kamski is expecting you, please take a seat in the living room," she said, a small smile playing around her lips before she gestured towards the room.

The house was too big for one man to live in. But as she walked through the hallways and doors, the dark walls, saw the colorful paintings and the markings, she realized how different they were.

She was nothing compared to him and yet he had chosen her. He had seen something in her, something that set her apart from the others.

But what? What was it? Putting the bag down next to the table, she found herself in the living room. Didn't know whether she should sit down or not. Instead, she stood next to the table and looked around the room.

Only heard muffled footsteps coming towards her, the door opened and he came out. He came out of another part of the house. A black bathrobe on his body, she saw that his hair was still slightly wet, she could see a little of his upper body.

But his gaze, his bright eyes seemed to focus only on her, despite his appearance, he had lost none of his look. ,,Good afternoon, Mr. Kamski, your housekeeper said I should come here...I can wait too," she said and was about to reach for her bag when she heard his grin.

A smirk that led to an amused smile. ,,No, I wanted you to be here and that's why you're here. I suppose you found your way here all right?" he asked, but his interest was clear. She sensed that it wasn't about her life. It should be about her.

It was supposed to be about her work and what was going on inside her. ,,Yes, I did, I also revised my thesis again... Mr. Kamski could you tell me what the job is about now?" she asked as she watched him make himself a green protein shake, mixing the powder with the vegetables, the blender surprisingly quiet.

But he remained silent as he calmly made his drink before walking past her, gesturing for her to follow him. Grabbing her handbag, she followed him, not knowing whether she should walk beside him or behind him.

But she opted for the latter, not wanting to push her luck too far. She didn't want to compete with him. But why? Do I even have a chance? she asked herself and almost walked into him when he stopped.

,,Your room is all yours, I know it might be unpleasant but I would ask you to stay here. As far as my work is concerned, quick communication is essential," he said, leaning against the doorframe as he watched her. She watched as she looked around the room a little.

The room was three times the size of her own small room. Cave it could probably even fit her entire apartment in here. Staying here? For how long? the question popped up in her head and she looked at him slightly questioningly.

She saw that he knew what she was getting at and took a sip of his drink. ,,I don't think for a few more weeks...it depends on how good you are...oh and please just call me Elijah," he dismissed her with those words, closing the door behind him and taking her nervousness with him.

Her glance at her bag let her know that she had to go back to her apartment to pick up her things, but that she had still taken her book with her.

The words she had written about him, being in his house, working for him. ,,I really did it," she muttered and proudly began to unpack her things, set up her room and took her things with her. She tried to find Elijah only to run into Chloe who let her know that Elijah was at work.

Letting her know when he needed her to get her things. Which is why she found herself back in her apartment less than an hour later. Had walked back to the exit, past the pictures and cameras, past the Chloes and past his gaze without realizing it.

She didn't see what he was doing, she just knew she had to do something to formulate her thesis. And when she came back, she saw him again eating a salad at the table in the living room, but this time he wasn't wearing a coat.

He was wearing normal jeans, a dark shirt and glasses. ,,I see you're back, I'd like to read your thesis the day after tomorrow. To understand what's going on inside you," he said and gave her a slight smile. She felt her heart beat faster again, she agreed and went back to her room with her things. The smile on her lips was unmistakable.

Just as unmistakable as his approval. She did as he said as she joined him in his office, his workroom full of various technical things. ,,Elijah, I have my thesis," she said as she stepped inside after knocking and the door opened, she saw him working on an android model.

It was a construct of wires, metal and the pump that symbolized the heart, yet human features were recognizable.

He looked up from his work and something like surprise flashed in his gaze as if he was realizing something before he gave her a satisfied look and motioned her to his desk.

She handed him her tese and he grinned as he felt the paper in his hands. ,,Old-fashioned and yet not corruptibly good," he said as he took the paper properly before he began to read it. she remained standing next to him, watching his eyes run over the sentences.

He became more and more lost in her work, absorbing her words and becoming more and more absorbed in them. ,,Perfection, your idea of something non-living... very good, I'm proud. I would like you to design a model of it for me more deep thought" he baht she had turned towards her his hand had placed itself on her shoulder.

She felt his warmth, although she had always thought of him as cold, he was warm. He was welcoming and he made her heart beat faster, leaving her proud as he held her tese before giving her a smile and watching her walk out of the room.

Not knowing what his thoughts turned to as he went back to his latest project. Her thesis would help him. Everything would be perfect.

But she did what he said, worked on her work, didn't question him, wouldn't and shouldn't. Ate breakfast, lunch and dinner with him. Caught herself listening in the house to see if he was awake to go to the kitchen and make breakfast.

Usually did it with Chloe, who didn't need any sleep. The two of them talked and laughed and she forgot that the blonde was an android.

Forgetting what was happening around her, what was happening out in the world, what had ever happened. Because what she had was here. A job, a friend and a man who admired her and gave her support.

Or did she? Could she describe her life like this? How long had she been with him - days, weeks or even months? How often had she sat with him, revised her work and written down her inner life? What had happened?

,,My dear I will invite you to dinner and would like you to carry this here" she mumbled the words on the small card that lay on the gift wrapping paper that held something with fabric inside.

Unwrapping the gift, she saw the dark fabric of the dress and held it in front of her body. She could feel how expensive it must be, it was perfectly tailored to her body.

It was perfect in every way. As she stood in front of the mirror, she looked at herself in it and for a moment felt like she was on the same level as him. Was with him to the point that she meant something to him.

And she caught herself thinking that the only thing missing was the gold ring on her hand. But had she turned like this or had he made her like this? Did he want to make her like this? Or was everything bigger than he thought in the end? Was she programmed from the beginning to react like this, was it her feelings?

Was it his creation? She didn't let her thoughts get in the way and continued by putting red lipstick on her lips. She took one last look in the mirror before leaving her room. Hearing the clack of her shoes in the hallway, she walked into the dining room, finding no Chloe or any of her friends on her way.

She found only the silence of the house and heard the classical music coming from one of the rooms like a rhythm, the sounds played over and over again as she arrived in the candlelit room. ,,You look beautiful, I'm glad you put it on," he said, giving her the appearance of a choice she didn't have.

After all, what kind of woman would she be if she didn't comply with his request. ,,Thank you for the dress and the invitation," she replied, her gaze dropping for a moment before she saw him step into her field of vision, taking her hand and feeling his warmth as he led her to the table.

,,It's a multi-course meal to thank you for your work," he began, placing the first course of food, a simple soup, before reaching for the bottle of wine and pouring them both a glass.

She saw him sit down opposite her and they both ate in silence. But it wasn't unpleasant, on the contrary, the food, the sound of the cutlery and the music in the background created an atmosphere of comfort.

She couldn't see what was hiding behind his gaze as he concentrated on her. ,,Sorry I haven't had so much time for you in the last few days and weeks," he said, almost too suddenly, as he put down the spoon, his look apologetic but his voice seeming out of place. He was inappropriate.

A man who had spent time under machines could show emotion. ,,It's perfectly all right... I'm very glad we have this," she replied and finished her soup, not wanting to break the atmosphere.

She did as she was told before they got to the end of the meal and she didn't know what to do. She didn't have to because Elijah got up from his seat and walked over to her, offering her his hand before she walked next to him for the first time. His hand was on hers as they both walked towards his office.

His gaze was on her, watching her, looking for anything wrong. ,,I've taken the liberty of creating a new prototype...your notes and work helped" he began and walked over to the machine knowing she was listening to him, knowing she would do anything for him from this point on. He handed her the table with the data and watched as she looked over it, fascination in her eyes for his work.

He knew that she would always admire him, it didn't take much but he had read it. He had read her book and knew that she was truly the right person for his purpose.

That his inner self was right, his genius was right, his obsession was right. She let the shapes and processes on the table before she suddenly felt his hand on her shoulder.

He touched her in all the time she had been with him, he had never fully touched her now only when she had done something well. ,,What did I do well?" she asked, turning to him, the device with the thin screen still in her hand.

She kept still wanting more from him, the bond between them still far too strong. He saw her as his and she saw herself as his wife. It was and would be between them. It was her devotion in her brain for him, and it was his desire for her as his wife. For someone perfect.

,,Everything my love...you have no idea...what you've done to me," he murmured and she felt his other hand on her shoulder as he continued to touch her, praising her for something she couldn't do.

,,Can I do something for my existence?" she asked her inner question out to him, hearing his smirk, smelling the metal, the aftershave, snow and wine. Smelled him. Felt him so close to her and yet she didn't move. Stood still like someone waiting for an order.

Something he liked to have her the way he wanted her. Like an android. ,,You can help what you do... tell me, do you want to be free for a moment?" he asked, his hand moving over her shoulder and down to her hand. He gripped the tray and gave her the freedom to decide for a moment.

She could walk away or she could stay and give it to him. And she did. She gave it to him. ,,Free? But we're free, aren't we?" she asked, not knowing what he meant as he took the tray from her. Leaving the first kiss on her neck before he slowly moved her past the.

The office, like everything else, was just a pretext which she seemed to realize but it made no sense, it didn't matter, there was just the two of them and that should be enough. She hadn't been what she used to be for a long time.

But it didn't matter, it was about him and her, not about what had happened. She felt him leave more kisses on her skin as the doors opened in front of them and she felt the warmth on her cheeks, a natural reaction when she saw his bedroom. Dark walls reddish abstract paintings on the walls.

One might have thought that the pictures hid the portrait of a woman, but what did she know. At most, he saw her in the colors. Because he wanted to. Because understanding told him so. She felt him next to her, his hands gripped hers, her shy gaze found his.

Her uncertain, his almost demanding, the glasses helped him to see her better, even if he didn't need them. He would have her anyway. He slowly placed his hand on her side and pulled her close.

On the contrary, the closer he touched her, the more intimate she became. The more she wanted him. ,,That's it," he said with a murmur, apparently listening to her thoughts before she felt his lips on hers, kissing his warmth over her as she clung to him, almost searching.

He wanted the kiss more knew he was getting it. But she gladly gave herself to him. She felt safe. He had given her a job, given her a dress, given her everything.

Now it was only fair that she gave him something back, wasn't it? It was always like that. She only felt a dull sensation as he moved to her back and unzipped the expensive fabric flowing from her body. She stepped out of her shoes as if automatically, not wanting it to be over like this.

She wanted to please him without realizing that she was doing just that. ,,I've liked you ever since I saw you... like a perfection for me," he said, taking away her fear as he went to the bed, leaving her standing there, almost confused and full of shame.

The warmth on her cheeks increased as she felt flattered and crawled towards him on the bed, knowing that he was watching her, not hiding the fact that he found her attractive.

That he saw exactly how her nipples had hardened slightly from the cold. That his hands lay on the fabric and her shaky exhale. He had her body to himself, had her to himself. ,,Elijah you-me...you are everything," she murmured, knowing it was her mind veiled in lust.

The spirit that longed for Elijah wanted more. Wanted more of his touch. ,,I know that... I know everything, my love," he whispered to her, pulling her into another kiss before he let his hand wander over her breast again. He felt her shudder. ,,Poor girl...all these months without touch or pleasure...without me," he said, watching her.

Watched her through his Chloe's or had to know. Had given him lust without her knowing who his cameras were. She had shown him everything he needed to know. Always in the quiet of the night, he had touched himself to see what she had done.

He pulled her onto his lap, feeling her quick pulse as he kissed her neck, beginning to leave colorful marks on it, her warmth mingling with his as she held onto the cover in the dark bed.#

His hand that was not on her breast moved to her thigh. She felt her hips thrust out towards him, full of devotion, needing him. ,,I'm going to make you feel good look" he whispered to her biting lightly into her lobe hearing her shaky exhale feeling her lust could feel the tingling in her body as his rough fingers slipped under her bra.

Moaning his name, she pressed herself against him, feeling his own arousal against her back, yet he focused on her. Wanted to see her fall apart when he actually touched her.

She opened her half-closed eyes and looked at herself and Elijah out loud in surprise. Her own reflection in the mirror built into the closet. ,,Beautiful forever," he whispered to her and she moaned as she let his fingers wander over her center.

It was different where her fingers weren't even close enough, his seemed so much better. He felt her wetness through the fabric of her underwear, took his hand from her breast and let it wander over her body. Leaving red scratches, small bites, marks and kisses.

Driving her on as he repeatedly focused his attention on the little bundle of nerves. As her voice filled the room, the classical music drowning in it, he was also completely hard but with each of her shaky movements his hardness got some relief.

He rubbed himself lightly against her his breathing was slightly shaky and yet it made no difference. Because he dealt with her. Giving her more of what she wanted while his blue eyes were on her. Her gaze on the mirror. The trembling spread to her legs as she begged him for more.

But he knew he had watched her closely and knew when she was slowly coming to the end. ,,Look at you, darling... everything just for me," he continued to murmur, finally wanting to show her. His finger moved out of her only to add another one, keeping her better than her own, her hips in rhythm with him. His praise took her mind away.

His pace increased, her trembling increased and when he heard her murmur he knew she was nearing climax. ,,El-Elijah please," she said, resting her head on his shoulder, finally wanting to let go, her fingers digging into the dark bed. He gave her body more kisses before he gave her the okay.

He took his hand from her breast and gripped her jaw, forcing her to look at herself in the mirror. She fell apart around him with a throaty moan.

He pulled out of her, her heavy-breathing form relaxing to just a sporadic twitch of her legs as she came down from her high. Closing her eyes, he withdrew from her. Licked his hand clean and slowly pushed her away. Watched as she still wasn't completely back, but she didn't have to be. ,,Thank you for your time, my dear," he said, hearing only a murmur, but his gaze went to the mirror.

A flicker caused the android behind it to take away the image of the mirror, the projection disappeared and her image emerged in the form of the android.

,,I have recorded all the data, sir," said the android's voice, turning her gaze away from her human image. ,,Very well, interpret the data I want perfection darling," he said and his hand passed over hers but warmth met cold. The coldness of a machine before it went out. He was left alone with his muse, his darling.

Saw that she was asleep saw that she was unaware. Didn't know what his search for her had driven her to. ,,Sleep well my love," he said and withdrew from her, opening and closing the door. Left her alone.

Until he wanted her again, knowing that she would give him everything. That he had rebuilt her so that when her human shell died, he had her eternally living one. She was his, right down to her soul, she belonged to him and always had.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[allthingsfangirl101]

Not The Same Without You – Steve Harrington

Being Steve Harrington's childhood best friend is not easy. You've got Tommy and Carol, Steve's team, and the rest of the school against you. Everyone thinks he's crazy for hanging out with me.

Something you should know about me - I'm your stereotypical bookworm. I never go to school without at least two books in my bag in case I finish the first one. I choose to spend my lunch period and free period in the library reading. I am on a first-name basis with the librarian at our school and at the library down the street from my house.

No one understood why Steve would hang out with someone like me. And if I was being honest, I didn't understand it either.

It made more sense when we got to high school. He stopped talking to me when we started freshman year. I didn't mind. I was starting not to like all the attention our friendship got. I got tired of the sneer comments, the scoffs, and the glares. We had this big talk the weekend before we started freshman year.

~•~

"Y/N?" Steve said, sounding strange. "Can we talk about something? Something that I'm pretty sure is going to make you hate me?"

"Nothing could make me hate you, Steve," I said honestly. "What's up?"

"Well," he said, clearing his throat, "we start high school on Monday."

"That's true," I said when he paused.

"And I'm on the basketball team," he continued slowly. "The team and all the practices and the games are going to take up a lot of my time."

"Steve?" I pushed. "What are you trying to say?"

"Maybe it's better if we don't hang out in high school," he blurted out. My heart jumped into my throat as I stared at him. I could barely see it, but there was a little bit of guilt in his eyes.

"Is that what you want?"

Steve opened and closed his mouth, struggling to answer me. I studied his eyes, trying to see if this was what he really wanted.

"Yes," he said, his voice dropping.

"Okay," I said as I stood up and started slipping on my shoes.

"Okay?" Steve stuttered. "You're really. . . You're okay with this?"

"Not really," I shrugged, not facing him. "But if it's what you want. . ."

I gasped when Steve grabbed my wrist and spun me toward him. "I'm sorry, Y/N," he whispered. "I just. . . I was. . . I thought. . . I'm sorry."

"I understand," I said, my voice dropping. "At least, I can pretend to."

~•~

When my parents found out that I was no longer hanging out with Steve, they tried to hide how relieved they were. My parents have never really liked Steve. They were always worried that his bad habits would rub off on me.

So, for the last three years, I've gone through high school alone - not that I minded. I was fine by myself. I've always been fine with it. Steve was the first person who tried to enter my life and I let him.

Six months into our senior year, my insomnia got really bad. AP exams were only a few weeks away and the stress made my insomnia worse. I slipped on a light jacket and headed downstairs. I walked out to our backyard and started walking along the path that went behind our house to a nearby park.

"You shouldn't be out here by yourself, Y/N," came a familiar voice. "It's dangerous."

"Steve?" I said, my eyes adjusting to the flashlight he had shining on me. "What are you doing here? It's 2 am."

"I knew you'd be up," he tried to say lightheartedly.

"And you walked all the way over here?"

"No," he said with a small laugh. "I drove to your house but saw you sneak out the back. Insomnia keeping you up?"

"Yeah," I said slowly. "It always does. That's nothing new."

"I know," he said. "Is there nothing you can do to help with it?"

"Steve, what are you doing here?" I asked instead of answering him.

"I used to come over like this all the time," he shrugged.

"True," I said, "but that was almost four years ago. We haven't talked since then. Be honest, Steve. What is going on?"

"Come with me."

"What? Steve, you can't be serious. It's two in the morning and. . ."

"Please," he cut me off. His tone made me freeze. "Y/N, I really need. . . I just. . . I need to get out of here and I want you to come with me. Just for a little while. Please, Y/N. Please come with me. I promise to get you home before your parents wake up."

"What's wrong?" I asked, my voice softening as I took a step closer to Steve.

I hadn't noticed that I was rubbing my arms until Steve took off his jacket and draped it over me. I held my breath as he started to pull his hands back. He hesitated for a second, like he was going to grab my hand, but decided against it at the last minute.

"Please, Y/N," he whispered. "I need you to come with me. I just. . . I need you."

One look at his eyes and I knew this was serious.

"Where to, Harrington?"

* * * * *

As we drove to only Steve knew where, he didn't say anything. The radio softly played as we drove through town. I kept glancing at him, wishing he'd say something.

After four years of silence, Steve randomly showing up outside my house at 2 in the morning was weird. Not to mention the fact that he was taking me somewhere and hadn't said anything since we got in the car.

"Steve," I whispered, "can you please tell me where we're going? I'm. . . I'm starting to get a little nervous."

"I'm sorry," he sighed. "I know this is strange but. . . I can't really explain it. I've been struggling lately and I was trying to figure out what to do. The only thing I could think of was you. I needed to see you, Y/N. I know you don't owe me anything but. . ."

"It's okay," I gently cut him off. "I just want to know where we're going."

Steve looked over at me and sent me the Harrington Smile that has all the girls in our school falling head over heels for him.

"Somewhere we haven't been in a long time."

It wasn't for another ten minutes that I realized where we were. When I figured it out, I glanced over at Steve. The butterflies in my stomach went crazy when I saw his smirk.

"I haven't been here since. . ." I couldn't remember the last time I was here.

There is a spot in this mountain called Makeout Point that all the teenagers know about. Steve and I found this spot on the other side of the mountain and it's always been our spot. Steve parked the car and we instantly walked over to the nearby picnic bench. We sat on the bench with our backs to the table.

I glanced over at him and, as he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, I saw the weight pushing him down.

"Steve?" I whispered. "Please tell me what's going on."

He opened and closed his mouth, unable to admit it. When nothing came out, he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Y/N," he tried to start. "The thing is. . . I'm not sure why. . . It's hard to explain. . ."

I looked down to see Steve move his hands so they were now on the bench. Before I could talk myself out of it, I reached over and gently put my hand over his.

"Please, try," I said under my breath.

"I miss you," he rushed out. He looked up at me, surprise in his eyes.

"You. . ."

"I miss you, Y/N," he said, sounding more confident. "And I am so sorry. I'm sorry I left you and acted like I didn't know you once we started high school. I shouldn't have made you go through it alone. I should've been with you. I should've walked you to class on your first day and every day after. I should've sat with you in the library every lunch and free period. I should've been a better friend to you, Y/N, and I'm really sorry."

"Steve," I stuttered.

"I hate that I walked away from you," he continued. "I hate that I turned my back on you and never turned back. I wish, more than anything in the world, that I could do something to make it right. Can I? Can I fix what I did, Y/N? Can I fix this? Can I do something to make things go back to what they were before? Tell me how I can make it up to you. I'll do anything, Y/N."

"I don't know," I stuttered, my voice soft. "I mean. . . Senior year is almost over. And then who knows what we're going to do after but. . ."

Steve leaned over and pressed his lips to mine. Neither one of us deepened the kiss, but neither one of us broke it either. When we finally broke the kiss, my head was swimming. Steve was smiling softly at me.

"The past couple of years without you," he whispered, his face inches away from mine, "have been the worst years of my life. Every day, I wake up wishing I hadn't suggested we stop hanging out. Every day, I sit in class and try to figure out what I could say or do to fix what I screwed up. I can't live without you, Y/N. The truth is, I don't want to live without you. Not another day."

As he was talking, Steve scooted closer to me. When he finished, he reached up and gently cupped my cheek in his hand and pulled me closer.

"Not another day," he repeated as he pressed his lips to mine. This kiss was deeper than our first. When we broke this one, Steve leaned his forehead against mine.

"Y/N. . ."

"Steve," I cut him off. "This isn't. . . I just. . . This isn't as easy as you're making it sound."

"I know," he said instantly. "I know it's not going to be easy. But I'm willing to do the work. I mean it, Y/N. I will do anything and everything to make it up to you. Anything you want, anything you ask, I'll do it. I haven't been the same without you, Y/N. I need you in my life. Please don't let me go another day without you."

"I don't want to go another day without you," I whispered.

Steve, overcome with happiness, grabbed my hips and pulled me onto his lap. I gasped as he put his hand on the back of my neck and pressed my lips to his. I moaned as our lips moved messily in sync.

"Say it again," he moaned as he broke the kiss. I leaned back and gently held Steve's face in my hands.

"I don't want to go another day without you, Steve Harrington," I said, watching the lust build in his eyes. "So, please, don't let me go another day without you."

"You never have to go another day without me."

He was about to kiss me again, but I put my hands on his chest, stopping him.

"Steve," I whispered.

"What's wrong, baby?" He said softly.

"You promised to get me back before my parents woke up."

"Right," he chuckled as he reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, his hand lingering. "Let's get you home."

I got off his lap and he instantly grabbed my hand, walking me back to his car. The entire drive back into town, my thoughts on the events of tonight.

We pulled up to my house and instantly looked at each other. Steve leaned over and pressed his lips to mine. I smiled as I moved our lips against his. He broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against mine.

"Not another day," he whispered.

"Nope," I giggled. "Not another day."

Steve kissed me again before finally letting me get out of his car. I quietly slipped back into my room without my parents noticing. As I lay in bed and tried to calm the butterflies in my stomach, I had one more thought.

My parents weren't going to be too thrilled about this.

[cellophaine]

Adornment

Kinktober Masterlist

Pairing: sot!dark!Matt Murdock x F!Reader

Warnings: Choking – soft!dark!Matt, possessive tendency, masturbation.

Author's Note: This is somewhat different from what I usually write. I do hope that it’s a good difference 🤞

GIF Credit: found on @malydiamakingifhunts-blog

Matt knew he shouldn't have done what he did. He knew it was wrong, yet he couldn't help but do it anyway. His Catholic guilt triumphed over most things, keeping him on the righteous path. Still, he strayed when it came to being the Devil of Hell's Kitchen, and you. 

Holding the lacy slip of fabric in his hand, Matt strode to the safety and comfort of his bed, dropping his entire weight onto it. The mattress dipped, moulding to his body of lean muscles and pure strength. His heart was loud, still reeling from the thrill of what he had just done. Bringing the flimsy fabric up, he draped it over his face before nosing the material and taking a deep breath. His nostrils were filled with your scent, and his mind strayed to where he was just minutes before.

It was earlier that day, sometime in the afternoon, when you told him and Foggy about your plan for the night. You would go out, catching up with a few friends over dinner and a few drinks at a new bar in Soho. If you were lucky, your friends would let you off the hook a bit after a sufficient amount of booze. However, knowing your friends' habits, which had been a long time since you last saw them, you knew it would take longer than that. “I'm expecting to stay out well after midnight,” you said, buzzing with reluctant excitement. Which made it perfect for Matt to execute his plan. He did his nightly routine like usual, but he returned much earlier this time. Matt broke into your apartment by the window you always left open and took his time to get to know your apartment. His hands ran over your deco, your furniture, the softness of your bed. Your vanity was a mess, but it didn't take him long to figure out where your perfume was. Matt sprayed some on his wrist and along the column of his neck, hoping your scent would linger around long after he left your place. Before he took off, Matt made sure to take a souvenir for himself, which was why he was now in possession of your lace panties. 

He wasn't sure why he chose this one. They all smelled like you, like your laundry detergent, fabric softener and a distinct undertone of very subtle vanilla. The lace felt scratchy on his skin, but the rest of it was a nicer type of cotton. If he had to be honest, Matt never really gravitated towards lace found on his fleeting sexual partners. It felt rough on his sensitive skin. But, he loved to imagine how it would feel when he ran his hands over the details that hugged your hips snugly, tracing the indent they made on your skin once he dipped his hand below the lace band. He wondered how it would feel if he could pull the cotton aside and fuck you until you begged him to stop. 

Matt closed his eyes, his mind laser-focused on you. He recalled your softness on the times he came into contact with your bare skin. You often offered your arm to him when the two of you needed to walk somewhere. His hand would close over the crook of your arm, and sometimes, he couldn't help but stroke the skin there gently, in a back-and-forth motion that brought him and you a sense of calmness. There were accidental touches here and there when you handed him his Braille files, a cup of coffee or his coat. The slip of your hand against his always made his knees weak, for your skin was so soft, warm, and inviting. 

While his mind ran wild with his recollection of the feel of you, his hands worked at his belt, pulling down the fly of his pants to free his cock from the snug boxers. The hard length bounced and sat heavily, the tip red and leaking with pre-cum. He began to stroke himself slowly and imagined that it was your hand in place of his. It was you kneeling between his legs and working him up, not him and his acute memory of your softness. With each intake of breath, Matt could smell you, imploring your scent to intoxicate him to the point of no return. 

His mind strayed to how it would feel like to have you in his bed. Were you a dominant type, or were you more submissive? He could please you either way. But right now, he craved the feel of your gentle hand wrapping around his throat like a statement piece that complimented his scarred skin. His hand moved faster, squeezing along the veiny length. Matt sighed, pulling the lace and cotton on his face to rest on his neck and pretending it was your hand; his lust-drunken mind made it almost feel real. He would wear it with every ounce of pride in his body, for he knew he was owned the moment you stepped into Nelson and Murdock. The warmth, spice and vanilla in your perfume invaded his senses when Matt offered his hand for you to shake, beginning his doom before he knew it. With each day you worked together, he grew more enamoured with your wits, sarcastic nature and resilience. You owned him, and you didn't even know it. He wanted your grip on his throat so tight that it hurt him and left marks on his skin. There would be your hand print on his neck, and even though Matt couldn't see them, he could feel the ache, sensing the bruises forming. He would hide your marks behind dress shirts and ties, even scarves, so it would be your and his secret only. No one else had to know. Matt wanted you to restrict his breathing so hard that he would feel lightheaded. He trusted you that much.

His fantasy exploded out of his control, and so did the pace of his strokes. Panting hard, his teeth bit down on his bottom lip, muffling his broken shout of release. Cum shot out of his mushroom tip, splattering on his black attire. He kept pumping the fleeting fantasy and the phantom feel of your skin until the hot fluid trailed down the length of his cock, making a mess of his hand. Matt stroked himself until there was nothing left, then he let his arm fall to the side. With the clean hand, he grasped at your panties, which still smelled like you, but now it had a little of him, too. 

You weren't his, but he would make sure that you belonged to nobody else.

*Likes, reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated!*

[firefly--bright]

peeks and blinders (you know me)

jean kirstein x gender neutral! reader, modern au

summary : being loved required patience and time and hope. luckily, jean provided all of them, without hesitation.

warnings : feelings of being deeply alone, heavy, hurt/comfort but mostly hurt, reader might sort of have depression

a/n : aha. lol. lmao. uhmmm yeah this is incredibly self indulgent and a projection. if you relate to this please PLEASE know that you're a) not alone and also b) I'm here if you ever need anyone to talk to. i wrote this with an unhappy ending in mind but with the poll results (and let's be honest, the aot finale) I decided to make it a happy ending instead. don't worry, everything works out in the end. this fic might just be terrible if you're already sad, so reader discretion is advised! i dont expect anyone to read the whole thing!!! but if you do read it, I hope you like it because I spent way too long on it. the ending might've been a little rushed only because I wanted to get this out as soon as possible so I could move on with a new fic idea ;)

taglist : @mrsnobodynobody @holding-infinity-and-a-book @jeanscremebrulee (side note- thank you for the kind words in my taglist form's criticism/comments question. i truly, deeply appreciate it :) )

masterlist is in pinned post! ✿ requests are open! ✿ likes and reblogs are appreciated! ✿ join my taglist ✿

✿ recommended playlist to listen to while reading ✿

living with someone meant showing yourself, something you weren't afraid of. well, not afraid, more just apprehensive. there was too much of a potential to fucking up a relationship; showing yourself too much in the one place you're allowed to be yourself without restrictions and limitations. you love your friends, you love jean, but sometimes the quietness of being alone was more than welcome because it had to be.

so when jean asked you with eyes that didn't meet your own if you wanted to move in with him, you didn't answer. quiet literally, you paused from eating the slice of pizza in your hand. he continued on with his nervous 'making-up-for-the-lack-of-response' ramble, explaining how you technically already lived together, how he liked finding your toothbrush next to his, and reluctantly admitted that he sometimes used your soap when he wanted to have a good day. a speech that warmed you despite your answer.

because no matter how comfortable you'd be with anyone, sharing the same space with them was a different kind quiet, unrelenting vulnerability. the fact that you existed and let someone percieve you without hinderance was...too much to think about. you had been alone your whole life, not in a pitiable way, but in a way where you didn't have a childhood best friend. you didn't have people stick around, like you were only at a corssroad of people's lives and greeted them with familiarity and comfort that they'd craved, despite your want and desire for it yourself. they'd continue on with their path while you would sit there, patiently, passing time.

jean admitted it to you. indirectly, he had confessed that he wanted to see you vulnerable and bare open in a way that people wouldn't know you normally. in a way where you were simply a locked window that noone had the key to. but there wasn't anything special to hide, no great overview of the city or the sea or rolling hills and valleys and large fields. no, just an unimpressive view of an unmowed backyard. untamed and messy - again, nothing special. just years of neglect while also being looked at. nothing special.

you didn't want him to see it. and technically, he asked you. you stopped spiralling just as he started his own, realising the effect your non verbal answer had on him, you simply said "I'll think about it." and tried to crack jokes along until the end of the night. because if nothing, then jean deserved some peace to balance out the turbulence that came with loving you.

in all honesty, you didn't know what you did. how you comitted the monsterous feat of getting him to love you. how he loved you in your entirety (or lack of it), how he woke up everyday and chose to love you despite everything that you took from him, drawing out his grumbling patience and gentleness because loving you meant waiting. loving you always, somehow, meant not loving you, because there was no way someone would know you, all your stories and opinions and ideas and still choose to love you.

living with you meant knowing your anatomy. not of your physical, breathing body, but the inside of your organs. it meant knowing that your stomach was filled with guilt, that your mouth could only utter whispers of people who once loved you and 'im sorries' to someone who won't know. it meant knowing that your hands were always aching to be held, that your skin was only ever warm when it was loved. it meant knowing that your chest was always heaving, yearning for a breath of relief that would never arrive. it meant knowing that your eyes always wandered off to the weighing scale kept at the back of your closet, always wandered off to find another pair of eyes that would look similar to yours. it meant knowing that your hair was always knotted with the doubts your mouth would never ask. it meant knowing so much about you, about the grey matter in your brain and about what flowed through your veins was nothing but pure doubt and discomfort with the unholy temple that was your body, the temple without a god, the temple that noone went back to. a body without a home.

he wouldn't want to know. he shouldn't want to know, and more importantly, he wouldn't like finding out. it would either be too much or too little, and his fingers would cramp up with the effort it took for him to pry you open, only for no prize to be met with. besides, you were okay just talking to yourself, no matter how insane it sounded. you got through so many years being self-sufficient, right? you didn't know how to handle it, handle someone actually loving you without doubt. you had lived long enough without it. someone loving you was new, something you didn't have a map for, something you didn't have any precautions against.

you and jean slept together that night. in the same bed, breathing the same air, under the same covers. you didn't share the same sleep, however, as his mind made dreams and yours went on like an unfinished painting - a list of unfullfilled answers, no meanings, trying and failing to come together. you found yourself watching him breathe; just his chest moving up and down and up and down, your hands twiching to rest on top of his but you didn't know if that's where they'd belong. if his body would wake itself up because of your touch - everyone was always surprised by how cold your fingers were. you were used to it.

maybe living with him wouldn't be that bad, right? as he said, you already shared the same space to a point where the pair of you felt comfortable enough to not care if your hair was groomed perfectly or if the colours and patterns of your outfit were clashing. but would he like it? would he like just how much more comfortable you could get? just how much you could ask for? just how long you could lock yourself up in the bathroom and try to cry? would he like to know just how long you sometimes spent on your bed, refusing to get up because your heart felt too heavy for your chest? for when your heart felt like it could fall through your back, punch a hole through the ground and bury itself in the earth until it could somehow bonify and fossilize and archeologists would recognise, instantly, that it didn't belong there.

he'd leave. that was something you knew for a fact. your love wouldn't be wasted, ofcourse not, neither would the time, but maybe he'd leave feeling like he'd wasted himself at your expense. or maybe he wouldn't think about you at all.

your night was spent with your brain spiralling - thoughts about how you didn't know how to handle being loved the way he loved you, about how you probably never had a childhood best friend that was still in your life because the phases of your life weren't meant for anyone but yourself to see, about how much your hair fell due to the stress of distracting yourself from overwhelming sadness by studying and creating while also being only slightly average at it. you fell asleep thinking about how the abundance of being alone, to you, meant being not alone at all, because there was no differenciation of company and lonlieness because there hadnt been any company to remind you of the lonliness at all- your eyes had fluttered closed and breathing evened.

jean always wondered if you were hiding something from him. not in a bad way, not in the way where he couldn't say he loves you, but in the way where you'd hesitate. and if he didn't love you as much, he probably wouldn't have even noticed. but fortunately, he did know you. a little too well.

he knew how much you loved the crunchy autumn leaves, so much so that you would alter your paths just to crunch one under your boot, a smile of satisfaction gracing your face after hearing the noise it made. he knew how much your fingers would reach out for his. he knew how much you tried - with everything. he knew of your unsaid struggles, knew when and what made your mood sour. and he loved it, he loved the fact that he knew all of those thing but more importantly, loved that he loved them.

loving you felt like it was a built-in feature.

but despite all of this, he didn't know why. he didn't know why you were the way you were. he knew you tried, but he didn't know why. he knew you struggled, but didn't know why. and it was driving him crazy, especially after last night. he couldn't help himself, even if he could see you, again, trying to diffuse the situation with lighthearted jokes, he couldn't help but think a little too much.

did you not want to? jean had always been honest about how much he struggled with being either too much or too little, about how much the words hurled by his friends when he was young hurt him, about how much his love proved to be uncomfortable and silent and resigned. maybe his honesty was too much for you. maybe you didn't like the burdens he came with, maybe you didn't like knowing how much his father's absence had affected him, or about how much his previous partner altered the way he saw himself to a miserable extent. you hadn't asked for all of this, all of him, all of his parts. maybe you were getting sick of it.

or maybe, if Jean's knowledge about you served right, you were being hesitant again.

he swears he doesn't mind it. you not wanting to move in with him wasn't a problem, but he just wished he knew why. the whole day, the only thing on his mind was how he could feel less hesitant towards him, god, anyone but him. he knew, firsthand, how it felt being so overwhelmed by inconsequencial doubt where he was left with so many regrettable unanswered questions engraved into the palm of his hands because he kept them hidden in his fist for too long, where he wishes, prays, and hopes for an answer that he knows will never arrive even if he doesn't look for it.

there are many things jean wishes and prays and hopes for. you're not one of them. but only because you're here. he doesn't need any other wish to be fulfilled or prayer to be answered or hope to sparkle. you are, inadvertently, all of them. a love without doubt, a wish without a cost, a prayer without a sacrifice, a hope without desperation. you're all of them. you're everything.

but he knows that if he's hesitant this time, if he doesn't reach out to grab you, if he doesn't do something, no matter how desperate, he will most ceratinly feel a deeper regret than he has ever felt before. and yes he may be exxagerating it, but he doesn't care. he'd learnt not to care when he was with you - he's learnt to be comfortable with you and around you. he wants to tell you that it's okay if you don't want to move in with him because his home is wherever you would be, his home is his hand on your thigh, his home is watching you blink in thought, his home is the sound of your footsteps. his home is anywhere with you. you are the only person who has the right to know that.

he makes his familiar way over to your apartment. you're not home yet, sasha informs him with a sleepy voice and messed up hair, "but you can wait in their room." she says because everyone knows that you wouldn't mind him waiting in your room. including him.

he does your routine - the one he's seen you do countless of times when you enter your room - take off his coat and hang it on the back of your door where one of the hooks is kept empty for him, shoulder his bag off and put it down on the spot next to your desk, turn on the desk lamp and the night lamp because you refused to turn the overhead lights on, because "they are so hideous why would I want to turn them on," according to you, and then finally occupy the space on your bed, laying his back down and his hands resting on his stomach as he waited for you.

staring at the cracking paint on the ceiling of your bedroom, jean thinks. from his pending homework that he's mentally figuring out how to schedule to how he's going to conduct this new group project with people he has never talked to before to how is it already the second last year of University because it felt like the first day was yesterday, until finally his thoughts landed on you. of course it would always lead to you.

it started from him thinking about University, then about how he met you on the second day, seeing you in one of his classes, sitting diagonaly across him, how you conducted yourself, slipping your bag off and checking your phone. then it turned to him seeing you at the freshers party where he saw his now ex-partner with someone he knew he shouldve questioned more. how he stormed off of the party with half tears of sadness and half of anger, catching a glimpse of you in the corner of the room, looking kind of lost. he saw you multiple times after that but never talked to you. he saw you at an ice-cream parlor once. he wanted to talk to you, but Connie had loudly confirmed the tickets to this new concert, which took away Jean's attention from you. but then he was introduced to you by Marco, because of course it would be Marco who had the pleasure to befriend amazing people. he met you then, properly, when you introduced yourself, and he nodded at you with little regard.

jean shook his head with a little smile. he had been so stupid, that day. he barely looked in your direction as you got acquainted with Marco, Connie and sasha, but he didn't disregard the fact that you looked less lost than you were at the party.

you had a way of sticking around, jean found out after that. he didn't realise when you had slipped into his life, hiding in plain sight. one night he found himself awake the same time as you and the next, he found himself saving a seat for you in the class you shared with him. soon enough, you knew him as well as he knew you, and there was softness in the recognition your eyes held when they met with his. the same appreciation of his existence, something he hadn't felt before. he couldn't say that he knew you as well as the back of his hand, because really, he knew you like the back of your hand, because he'd looked at your hands more than he'd ever looked at his, noticing all the little creases and scars and veins and hairs. he knew what warmth they held, he'd felt it after your hands made their way into his while walking back to your dorm on a cold night. a night jean would never forget because he had frantically knocked on your door right after leaving you there, because his senses had finally worked and he had finally found out that he wanted to kiss you. and he did, and you kissed back, and jean swore he had never been happier even while he could hear sasha and Connie and Marco cheering for the both of you. he kissed your forehead as a goodnight that night. you were in his shirt.

you were his home before he even knew what his home was, before he could find out for himself. you became an answer with a question.

he sighed, hearing your footsteps make their way through the tiny apartment, saying a small "hi," to sasha who was sleeping on the couch. the door to your room swung open just as jean sat up, his weight resting on his forearms on your mattress. you didn't seem surprised that he was there, just flashing a smile at him before removing your bag and placing it down, and jean felt his heart flutter with comfort as your presence filled the room.

his eyes trailed you as you did the same thing he did a few moments ago, plopping yourself down right next to him. your breathing evened out with his as the two of you lay in silent comfort before jean spoke.

his voice was a low hum. the words were barely different, but you understood them anyway. "yknow you can talk to me about anything, right? even if it's sad or not funny or not...I don't know, not remarkable. you can say it. i won't laugh unless you want me to." he says. it's a flimsy promise, but you know his words hold a meaning that you can't quiet grasp.

his palm lays on top of the back of your hand.

he's warm. scarily so, because why would someone hold so much warmth towards you? more importantly, jean extended his hand without even meaning to, like muscle memory, which was, again, terrifying, because loving you as habitual purpose was scarier than you having to prove yourself for it.

your shoulders relax almost instantly; habitually and with purpose. was the purpose of it to not have a purpose at all? was the meaning of your being to not have any meaning at all? was it just to love despite it?

you wanted to do good. not in a special or overly remarkable way, because you knew you would never reach that mark because you never had, but in the way where you'd be recognized. in crowded rooms, you'd be sought out for because of your "goodness" - be it reliability, comfort, all the things you usually associated with jean. which was ironic, because noone who didn't know him like you did would ever think of jean in that way.

"i.." you say, trailing off. you want to say that you know, but it'd be a lie. it'd be a false promise, and jean didn't need that any more than he needed you. so you say, "I'll keep that in mind."

jean doesn't buy it. his hand squeezes yours, stubbornly. "no, i don't want you to keep that in mind, I want you to want to do it." he says. his head turns towards you, watching the side of your face with an expression you know better than anything. the slight furrow of his brows, slightest scowl on his face that was masked by a layer of genuine concern.

"what I mean is.... you don't have to be so hesitant with me." he says. you want to blink back surprise, except that it's not really surprising. he's seen you, more so than anyone ever has, so it's not surprising that he'd see if one day was affecting you worse than the other days. it makes you want to scream because you don't know how to deal with it.

you close your eyes as if that would help. it wasn't like you were good at running away from affection, mostly because you never needed to. if anything, you were used to running towards it, desperately, just trying. but here it was, now, the resolution of it all, of all of the aches and creakings of your deepest yearnings, yet you couldn't seem to look at it. look at him - at jean, your best friend, someone you'd do anything for - with eyes that matched his.

you sigh. there's a deep silence, and jean isn't anticipating anything. his hand is still on yours and he feels you squeeze it tightly, but he isn't going anywhere for you to hold on to him. even if he wasn't tethered to you, he'd want to stay by your side, without any precautions or promise of a fruitful result. he'd stay with you regardless.

he isn't waiting for you to say anything, because being with you feels more than adequate, like it's instinct, like his shoulders relaxing when it's just the two of you, or like that tingly feeling in his chest when you kiss his cheek after a long day.

but when you do speak, it's with resignation and certain grief. "i dont think you'll like me. if I... if we move in together, I think, realistically, you won't like it."

"how can you be so sure?" he asks. it's not a serious question, but he thinks it's a start. you're doing it, you're being less hesitant, and atleast that's somewhere to begin.

"i just am." you say, shrugging. but it's not a fact, atleast, it shouldn't be. it isn't to jean. he's rolling his eyes now, but he's not annoyed or digusted. "how?" he presses, because he knows there's more, there always had been with you.

"i get too much. and then too little. like none of it is ever just right. and I'm scared that you'll see it and...I don't know, get frustrated at my lack of everything." you say. there's truth in every word even though you desperately wish there wasn't. you're still hesitating, but it's less so. your hand is still in his, still squeezing it. it was predictable - something you found yourself relying on - the warmth of his palm and the way his hand would also engulf yours with the same echoing softness it always had. even if his fingers were calloused and a little rough, it didn't matter. they still held you the same.

he's clinging onto every word you're saying, every small explanation, every twitch of your eyebrows. he knows what's going to come, he knows there's going to be an admission of guilt coming on soon enough but he also knows, more importantly, that he'll be there to tell you that no, he does not regret loving you, and yes, he will keep doing it over and over and over again.

"I've never been... wanted like this. or like anything, I guess. and I'm so scared," you breathe in deeply, keeping your tears at bay. jean pushed himself onto his forearm, looking at you in a way you've never been looked at before. "I'm so scared of disappointing you because I think that's all I've ever done. that's all I know how to do." the box is open now, and it's not forced or pried with effort. jean has always known how to open it, you think, you just didn't let him. he does it now, with the same hands you find comfort in, the same gentleness that his eyes have always held for you.

you're crying. you don't have anything else to add to your statements, and they hang in the air as if waiting for you to complete them, expecting you to do something. but you don't and you can't and jean is holding you, his hands are at your sides and your nose is buried into his shoulder and you think the words and the expectations can wait for now, or for however long jean is willing to take care of you.

your shoulders shake. jean is whispering into your ear, asking you to breathe. he's saying it so kindly that you feel the need to comply, and when your lungs finally calm, he rewards you with a kiss on your forehead.

you think if how much of a liability all of this is. about how much you weigh in emotions when you're this open and vulnerable. not even like an open, unhealing wound, but more like that feeling you get when you finally decide to read an unread text message that had been sitting there for a month, but you're the person who both sent the text and also the one replying to it and also the one who was watching it unfold. you caused this, you were the only one who was replying, and you were also the witness to all of this.

but now jean was here. it was unusal and strange - someone being there, actually, physically and mentally present instead of those placating "you'll get over its" that were repeated to you by the few people you decided to open up to.

the two of you are silent now, only broken up by deep, almost heaving breaths from you, something you wish you would stop doing. instead of you digging your nails into your palms like all the other times, your nails are clinging onto jeans clothes, and he doesn't seem to mind. instead of it being your blankets like all the other times, it was Jean's soft heat wrapped around you, moving with each breath you took until your chest didn't feel as heavy anymore.

"i know." he says, finally. he doesn't expect you to answer, ofcourse, but he knows you're listening because you shift slightly in his arms. "i know...too well, what it's like. i know that moving in means more to you than it means to people in general. i know that it's not even about moving in together. i.." he's being hesitant. finding the right words, but for once, Jean's happy about this trait of his. he's glad he rethinks decisions and the next time when he tries again, he's more sure of it. hes sure that he loves you, hes sure that he wasn't made to love you but he grew into it because there's that choosing again, the fact that yes, he did probably have a choice, but he would never even consider it. he doesn't want to consider it and maybe that's more important than there even being a choice. he wishes he could put it into words that would make sense.

instead, he opts to say, "I am so sorry you had to think all of this all alone for so long. but I'm...I'm here now. i know that won't solve everything instantly, ofcourse it won't, but I will be here until it will. i will wait."

there's promise in his voice, a conviction that you hadn't heard before. you trust him, you always have, but you don't know if you trust yourself with this. you don't trust yourself to be someone he loves. he's quick to quiet your concerns after yet another peck on your forehead.

"but don't you think I take too much?" you ask. its doubtful, the steps you're taking on the usually thick ice that has turned too thin too fast. you're afraid you're going to offend him, but you stand no chance against Jean's all-knowing sigh. it's not a tired sound, not one anyone gives before they're about to give up. you're not sure what kind of sigh it is, but jean doesn't let you figure it out for yourself because he's answering.

the ice turns into concrete. he's become your footing, the reason you're still standing and not under numerous feet of cold water. "i dont think you're taking. your....your love doesn't ask to take. you love despite everything, not because of it. everyone, including me, focuses on how to be loved, on how to be a perfect image that probably won't last for too long, but you..... you focus on shaping your love, the love you give. i dont know if you've noticed it, but you do. you don't take too much, you give without expectations. you give with hope. it's beautiful." he pauses. "you're beautiful." he says. he's not looking anywhere else but your eyes that are welling up with familiar tears.

you suck in a breath. "im not used to sweet words, jean," you say, the breath you held releasing with a bittersweet smile. "i dont know how to handle all of this love you're giving me. i think... i think you love me too much." another tear down your cheek and onto the mattress. jean wipes away it's remnants.

"i dont love you nearly enough." he says with the same laugh you had given him, "but you'll grow into it. just like how you grew into everything else, you'll grow into being loved. i grew into it too," he says. his forehead touches yours. the proximity makes you shiver. "i grew into just how much you love me. and I wanna keep growing into it because I love loving you. i love you loving me, as selfish as it sounds."

you take a moment to register his words. yes, you weren't used to being so vehemently and stubbornly loved and taken care of, but you could. you could get used to it, get used to crying in your beloved's arms, being fed spoonfuls of carefully heated up soup that would settle into your belly, being looked at for more than a split second. you couldn't fathom it now, sure, only because you could've never believed it before, but that could change. you could grow into loving love, into accepting it just as freely as you had given it.

jean wasn't holding you with a death grip because he knew that you wouldn't leave, atleast, he didn'tanymore. he would've done it, he had all the reasons to. if he were still fifeteen, he would've thought that he had to come beg and cling on to love to make it stay. he had to do something spectacular, something entirely not himself in order to prove that he was atleast worth giving a try but with you...he didn't have to beg. he didn't even have to ask. for a while it felt undeserved, all of this care you were giving his somehow beating heart, all of this ointment you were providing to his broken bones, but he somehow, miraculously, grew into it, because he let you in. he let you see him with the eyes that would rival the ones he was sure the gods had, he let you see him and all his unknown and unsaid sins and let you love him anyway because you wanted to, because you didn't see something in him - a potential of something greater - but you saw him as he was. as he is. and nothing in your smile changed. and if you could do that, then he'd be damned if he didn't love you the same.

no words were said after that, only Jean's heartbeat mingling with your own in your ear. both of your eyes were closed, his hands relaxed on your back, your chest no longer heaving, commanding you to pay attention to it.

you fell asleep in the silence of promise.

---

the promise continued even a week later, turning into two, turning into four, wherein jean kept loving you despite and because of, unafraid and unwavering and for the first time, without any hesitance.

you were keeping up on your promise too. trying to accept it - all of this affection, his affection - without hesitance. it was hard but mundane things usually are and you continued to grow and mend and try, above all else, which was more than jean hoped for.

he's passing you the brush he had slathered the perfect amount of toothpaste on, slipping into the comfort of the cool night warmed by the heat of your previously taken shower in your bathroom. you smile at him as a thanks, and he nods as a welcome, and no words are spoken. no words need to be spoken, and his right hand makes its way to the small of your back, his left brushing his teeth as you start brushing yours and you think that maybe everything is uncertain. everything always has been and always will be, and loving someone has always been uncertain, too. being loved has always come with doubt and guilt and shame. but the only difference was that now, both of you hoped. you hoped that everything would be alright in the end, jean hoped that he'd get to share the same bed as you in the end.

hope was flimsy and hopeless, too optimistic, but now it served as something you both shared. the shared sentiment of hoping that you'd have eachother till the end was more important than the uncertainty. it meant that both of you would keep trying. you don't need to be sitting, waiting patiently and hopelessly at the same crossroad now, because Jean's hand is on the small of your back, the watch on his wrist is still and unticking, and you're walking down the same road with the same landmarks and the same gravel because you want to. you've moved from your old spot on the pavement because you want to. you're learning how to love the sound of your own footsteps, how to love the action of one foot infront of the other, and the best part is, Jean's learning too.

loving isn't a reciprocal or a transaction or a grand 'aha!' it's an act of hope. hoping they'll see you the same. hoping they'll have the same hopes as you. hoping they'll want to be loved by you, because hope doesn't require anything grand, hoping doesn't require a god to pray to or a cost to pay. it requires soft, undettered, unsaid patience. something jean, persistently, had. something you, stubbornly, held.

you paused from brushing your teeth to look at your love. you were wearing his old t-shirt that had faint stains of ink and old paint on it, and he was donning the headband you had owned for years to keep his hair out of his face. he glances at you through the mirror, then turns to you, nodding to you, eyebrows arching in a question.

you spit out the toothpaste into the sink. looking back to him, you say, with all the conviction and hope you can muster up, "I want to move in with you."

jeans mouth turns upwards, still full of toothpaste. he doesn't say anything. he doesn't need to say anything.

everything's already been said, already been understood.

because he knows you. and he couldn't be more happier to.

(when you pick the curtains for your new home, you are held up by jean, who's hands grasp the ladder you're on. you're looking down on him after the work is done and he's smiling, and you're smiling, and at night you're using the same stove to make the same dinner that the two of you will share along with some old wine and old stories. he holds you when you fall asleep, and your arms are around his torso as he snores softly. your love is stored in the blood of his veins. his love is stored in the palm of your hands, and even if you don't hold it, it still stays there, unmoving, growing, attached.)

✿

[my-mt-heart]

Thoughts on TBOC Trailer

I'm issuing another trigger warning (for mention of abuse) and another gentle reminder that if you're happy with the trailer, then I’m genuinely happy for you. This post will not resonate with you though, so I encourage you to keep scrolling or to just block me. I really won't be offended. If you aren't happy with the trailer or you're still processing the trailer, well, let's talk about it...

There are three major issues for me. The first is the way it positions the story as Daryl's despite all the promises offscreen that it would be Carol's story this season. He gets the first appearance, the name drop, and the spotlight in 90% of the shots while Carol's side of things is like an undercurrent. I love Daryl. I love that he has his own spinoff to explore his character more deeply, but this is supposed to be Carol's spinoff equally. She may not have been marketed as much as Daryl has been over the years, but her popularity and Melissa's critical acclaim have more than earned the same amount of narrative space that Daryl has. Her being sidelined in S11 and then removed entirely from the Caryl spinoff upset an entire fanbase.

Finding out about Carol's/Melissa's return on the other hand offset that pain and started generating (organic) buzz for the show, so it baffles me that AMC wouldn't keep following that path to maximize viewership. If TBOC really is Carol's story, and I'm not saying she won't end up having the most screentime, why wouldn't they want to sell that to the Carol/Caryl fans who left, the Carol/Caryl fans who feel uncertain about the storytelling (hi 👋) and the GA who love Carol, but may not realize she's back because all the media coverage keeps leaving out "TBOC" and using Daryl as the thumbnail? When you have something amazing, like Melissa's acting and Carol's story development and Caryl's chemistry, then it only makes sense to show it off. But instead, the positioning triggered my fear of Carol being sidelined again, of her being treated as insignificant to Daryl's story and the story overall. Whether that's valid or irrational, it's still not the visceral reaction I want to have when I thought I was being treated to the epic return of the character who taught me everything I know about resilience and strength.

My second issue is the heavy-handed positioning of Daryl, Isabelle, and Laurent as a nuclear family, not just when Daryl tells Laurent that he and Isabelle want to take him to America, but the classic American image right after that of the three of them playing baseball together. Whether it's a misdirect or not—I'm having a hard time figuring out which to be honest because I know Zabel and Nicotero are more than capable of taking it in a direction that might seem wildly absurd from our POV—I'm very uncomfortable with any representation of Daryl in a manipulative relationship/friendship/nun-ship, especially if the manipulation isn't going to be addressed. And I don't expect it to be addressed going off of what Zabel and Norman have been saying about Daryl needing to open up his heart to his new family.

I have to refrain from giving out any personal details about myself on my blog, but I'll share this because I think it provides important context for my position on Daryl and Isabelle (trigger warning). I was terrified of my dad when I was a kid. He wasn't a monster like Ed or Daryl's dad, but when he was angry—and he was angry a lot—he was mean and loud and destructive. That was my frame of reference for how men naturally behave, for almost all of my adolescent life. When I started watching TWD, I recognized some of my dad's worst qualities in Daryl at first, but then Daryl grew in ways my dad never could. He overcame his predisposition as an angry redneck because he "opened up his heart" to Carol and saved all of the violence/aggression for killing zombies and fighting villains (usually). When Isabelle accused him of being like his dad to get him to stay in France (106), it cut deep because Daryl isn't anything like his dad. He's not an abuser. He's not selfish. He doesn't abandon anyone or intentionally hurt the people he cares about. He's the male role model I never had. A man of honor who deserves to be loved by someone who sees that without a doubt. Carol sees that. She was the first person to help him nurture that, whereas Isabelle keeps him in the cycle of abuse by gaslighting him into becoming a father figure to a kid he barely knows. So unless the EPs are telling a clear story about that, which they aren't, they're just glorifying toxic/abusive relationships.

Caryl is the relationship that fans have invested in for more than a decade. It's one of the most iconic relationships on television for a reason. They represent hope for their fans, some having endured hardships in their own lives similar to Daryl's and Carol's. Their fans seek comfort in a love story between two damaged, middle-aged people who thought they couldn't heal from their trauma and thought they weren’t worthy of love. Their fans have every right to expect Caryl-centric storytelling in a show that's being marketed as a Caryl show (see AMC's hashtags), especially considering they've had to wait more than two years after some assholes underestimated Melissa's value to the franchise.

I personally went into SDCC wanting to know what I could look forward to for Caryl's shared arc in addition to their individual arcs. I think a lot of people did judging by all the questions they dropped on AMC's/TWD's social media accounts leading up to the con. Side note: All of those questions were ignored in favor of questions geared toward TWD fanboys. We only got the tease at the very end of the trailer, and that tease doesn't tell us anything new. Only that, once again, it's Daryl's story and Carol is in the periphery. We already know Caryl are going to reunite. We've known for over a year and even for those who don't track filming updates, it's not a difficult conclusion to come to. The trailer can't spoil how and when and what happens after, but it can show us how Daryl and Carol remain spiritually tethered despite being physically separated. It didn't do that. It played on anxieties instead of desires, which is both tiresome and unethical.

My last issue, which we've been talking about for a while now, is the excessive friendship positioning. Yes, Daryl's and Carol's bond is rooted in a deep friendship. No, it doesn't mean they can't also be romantic. But when that word shows up in every tweet, every synopsis, and every interview, it's not only deliberate, it's targeting a specific viewership and judging by Melissa's mandated (yeah, mandated) use of it as well, I think it's less about telling Caryl fans to set their expectations (AMC thinks we're already guaranteed viewers), and more about trying to appeal to dudebros/fanboys, which is ridiculous because those fans aren't going to invest long-term anyway, not without a catalyst for more Rick stories and action-adventure stories that aren’t in Zabel's wheelhouse. It's just going to make a portion of the fanbase who will invest long-term less hopeful for what they want, plus erase the romantic potential for the GA to see. It's obviously not wrong for AMC to try to maximize their viewership. It is wrong to invalidate the profitable viewership that they have in the process. I have no idea if the show intends to surprise Caryl fans with canon by the end of the season or if certain EPs will get their way, but I do know I can't make any sense of a platonic friendship for Caryl. Insisting on that would be a huge retcon for me. A dealbreaker, as I’ve always said.

AMC started off on the right track with the very first teaser we got, showcasing the significance of Caryl's relationship in the tagline, "To find home is to find each other.” The SDCC trailer feels like we've taken three giant steps backward. I came out of it feeling like the story Zabel, Nicotero, and some faction of AMC want to tell isn't for me, that my favorite characters aren't for me unless I'm willing to forfeit my understanding of them to make the fanboys and certain EPs feel justified in their biases. It doesn’t feel good.

That’s all of my SDCC coverage for now. I appreciate everyone for giving me the space to voice my honest opinions. It might be a buzzkill, but it’s the only way for AMC to properly assess what’s working and what’s not working for their audience 🤷🏻‍♀️