#and its a new brand i haven't used before so i need to find the sweet spot for temp and just aaaaa

[mads-is-tired]

i'm trying to 3d print a totoro dice tower i found on thingyverse but my printer keeps failing aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[thatbitchery]

& ladies remember outside your leveling up circles if anyone asks you eat at the drive thru, it's burger & fries, you prefer sweatpants and spend your time watching Turkish Thai dramas and your sexual orientation is pretty kpop boys. Your goal in life is to get married and stay at home and your hobbies are flip flops and watching gmmtv, you're the most basic average Jane there is out there you just dress up because mom makes you. What have we said about keeping your competition feeling safe? In competitive environments so school and office and your local communities and especially your family you're couch potato potato so you're not available because new series just dropped- do you want to cause unnecessary friction? Keep your level up to yourself and your level up groups people are herds herds herds with that crabby crabba crab mentality so any sign you could leave the herd behind is a trigger to Crabb crabbb crabby pull you back into the bucket. Human beings are animals before they are people when will you understand this? Why would you scream in the face of a tiger? Do you want to get bullied? What happened to moving in silence.

Keep your workouts out of social media and your trips to the dermatologist to yourself, your paycheck is between you and your bank and stay away from the brands unless everyone in your group is wearing them so brands are just the average. Why would you sabotage yourself like that? Why would you go telling anyone your goals? Do you want to get laughed at? Haven't you learned your lesson? Hasn't your mother, your own mom, judged you for wanting to be better? Even though you're not in competition? Then why would you tell Betty from HR when it's literally the most competitive environment out there? Do you want to ostracize yourself? Then don't create drifts with your herd and level up in the shadows, when your current friends see you eating healthier its omg lol why? Then the answer is actually I took a blood test, autoimmune diseases are around the corner you don't know how badly I need McDonald's rn but life first. You're dressing elegant lately- girl stop my mom is insufferable she's making me these conservatives please. You look nicer- I'm on birth control, I had that acne issue. I feel the weight creeping up lol. You're taking more classes? Gosh yes there's this scholarship thing I need so you know. Your posture is better lately- baby girl stop my back was on fire last week leave me alone I was dying like- it's never because you're bettering yourself. Never. Ever. As long as they're concerned couch potato potati potata average Janey.

Human societies are competitive in nature especially among women because resources are so scarce and we know this and herd mentality makes us detest people that place themselves in positions to have better access to these so once you start getting better its underhanded compliments and what's app groups and side glances as you walk, learn to keep people comfortable and do you in the background, don't buy into whatever self soothing we are all good people bs you're being sold, we are only as supportive as you're below us once you start doing better your own sister and best friend have a lot to say. Move in silence & keep your life away from public view and have believable excuses for what you can't always hide & find a way to say you're better than me. Why cause unnecessary friction?

[lov3rmir]

★ ° * . ` red lipstick smudge `

★ ° ` summary ` after buying a new brand of lipstick, you couldn't decide which you liked best. so you asked for assistance.. ★ ° .

★ * ` mail ` a little ooc alhaithem but not too much, got lazy at the end but i love this <3

AL-HAITHAM—

The acting grand sage was drowning in his work. The pile of paper seemingly never ending, it didn't help he haven't seen you in a while. al haitham missed your scent, the calming yet fresh scent you always wore. The more he thought of you, the more his desire to see you grows. Alas, his duties calls yet again.

You however, had a much more troublesome duty. You had bought two lipsticks, one of which nilou recommended you and another which you had waited for its restock. Now that you had saved up and could afford both, you didn't know what to wear first. It was a dilemma of utmost importance, but you had no one to help you with.

Nilou was busy with the rehearsals, candace was too far to just ask about a lipstick and dehya was off somewhere. You couldn't find the traveler either, nor kaveh. So you decided on your trust worthy lover, The Acting Grand Sage.

Saying hello to the guards, you showed them the permission slips alhaithem gave you if you wanted to visit. This was much easier than to have to go through a whole line. Knocking softly on the doors, his voice invited you in.

“ come in. ” here he was, buried in a pile of paperwork, you almost missed him if his strand of hair wasn't stickin out from his grave. “ busy aren't you? ”

You voice made him look up, for a moment he thought he thought he was imagining it. Maybe all those numbers and words formed his desire and there you stood. But he knew better, that blinding smile can never be mistaken for fake.

He smiled at you, “ what brings you here? ” he asks. You walk over to him showing him the two items who made your hair turn grey. “ I'm having trouble deciding. Can you help, oh Grand Sage? ”

“ Acting Grand Sage. There's a difference. ” he frowned, this made you chuckle, ” yes, yes. Can you help me? Acting Grand Sage? ” he huffed, nodding to you.

You sat where there was space on his desk, smiling and showing him the two different lipstick. “ I'm having second thoughts on which i should use first. Do you think you can help me? ” you tilted your head. Al-haitham stared at you becore taking one of the two you held. He kept staring at it for a good while, you started sweating.

“ turn around. ” you blinked. “ what? ”

“ i said turn around. I have an idea. ” you knew he didn't like repeating himself, so you did as told. “ i dont get why i need to turn around. ” he stayed silent. It wasn't until a moment later you taped you on the shoulder.

Turning around you were about to question him when you felt his lips on yours. They lstayed there for a while, al-haitham had your eyes covered by his hand. And you knew, he definitely felt the redness on his hands. You could feel the smirk he had.

Before long, he stood back. A smile on his face. “ this one suits you best. ” you didn't understand what he meant until he wiped some smudge off his lip. Realization struck you. He wore your lipstick. And he—

Your face heated up. Words failing to form a sentence, you nodded and toke the lipstick. Walking away in a daze. Al-haitham watched you stumble a few time before reaching the door. He called out “ Leave your schedule open tomorrow, I'll have a reservation ready. Wear the lipstick too. Unless you want me to hel— ”

“ NO! Thank you! See you tomorrow! ” you left in a hurry, your face now hotter than ever. Everyone gave you look but ignored you. This isn't the first time you came out of the Acting Grand Sage all flustered.

Al-haitham however, was in his desk. A new found determination to finish all his work before your date. The lipstick still present on his lips.

©— lov3rmir. 2023.

★— @elychee * @eenie-teenieweenie * @simplyxsinned ...★

[ms-demeanor]

Hey! I appreciate your perspective on computer-based things. I think I need to get a laptop and would love your opinion on decent brands. If you don't have an opinion or want to answer please disregard the q.

Context: I'm often on the move and really want something small, light, and that will last a long time. I'm bad about buying new things or taking things to be fixed so ideally it's not something that dies quickly or needs frequent repairs. For a while I used an iPad for this but I need more of a keyboard than tablets have and the shelf life of an iPad is shorter than it should be for the cost. Mine is 7 years old and only works while plugged in... I liked my Macbook Pro I got for college but it's almost 15 years old and given I haven't needed a new one since I don't think spending all that on a Mac makes sense either. I use a gaming PC mostly but I'm going to need to travel a lot more in the upcoming year. I'm ok to spend up a bit since I want it to last.

I think you're going to have to adjust your expectations about the average functional lifespan of electronics. Seven years is a lot to get out of any tablet and fifteen years is way way way above average for a computer.

At work we estimate that the functional lifespan of a laptop will be around five years and the functional life of a desktop will be around seven years; we include upgrades in that lifespan, like adding RAM and storage.

It is not *unusual* to get more than five years out of a laptop or seven years out of a desktop, but if you are a heavy user of anything other than a browser and a word processor, that's about the time when you'll find that the computer feels slow enough to be frustrating. This isn't a hard limit, and it's not something that everyone experiences because people use computers differently, but if you're an artist and you use a drawing program that program will start to feel slow after a while because as updates and patches and drivers have been tweaked for newer devices they've slowly left your device in the dust.

This isn't planned obsolescence, by the way. Computer manufacturers try to "future proof" their devices to a certain extent, but you just can't anticipate certain kinds of changes. Maybe your laptop was manufactured before there were consumer SSDs available so its operating system doesn't take the advantages and limitations of SSDs into account. Maybe your desktop was built for DDR3 RAM and we're now on DDR5 and people aren't writing programs to the standard of the old technology, they're taking advantage of the standards of the new technology.

Since you were able to use your devices comfortably for such a long time, it sounds like you're not a very heavy user and don't need to worry too much about beefing up your specs. However it does sound like you want to keep your computer and use it as long as possible while paying a reasonable price for it (which is good! I think we should all try to extend the lives of our electronic devices as much as possible!).

I actually think you sound like a good match for a Framework laptop.

Framework is a company that makes laptops that are a lot more modular than what's on the market these days. They're mean to be easy to open up for upgrades and sturdy for heavy use. Most of the parts of the laptop are easily replaceable - including the screen - so you can use them for a long time and easily make upgrades that will help the computer feel fresher.

They're a bit more expensive than comparable PCs but much easier to repair if you aren't comfortable opening up your own computer (framework is intentionally built to be easy for people who are non-technical to work on their computers), and they are a LOT less expensive than comparable macs.

I still think you're probably looking at around 7 years of regular use out of a Framework and it won't *break* at that point, it will just. Probably be a bit slow and frustrating. You might not be able to get parts for it after a certain point. You eventually won't be able to upgrade the OS. But that's true of all computers.

I've still got my 2005 macbook. It still turns on, I can still use garage band on it. But it doesn't connect to the internet and uses such an old USB standard that it is extremely slow to transfer data on or off of and it cries and freezes if i try to use photoshop. It's not broken, it's just no longer useful as a daily computer.

What I'm defining as functional here is "Is able to run multiple programs (including at least one browser with 50+ tabs open and two office suites) at the same time for 8-10 hours a day without crashing, freezing, or losing data and restarting is not a major inconvenience."

In those terms, it does sound like you're probably in need of an upgrade (I can't imagine that your current machine is particularly quick) and I think that a framework laptop would suit your needs well.

If you're looking for something somewhat less expensive, you can generally find a decent thinkbook with a 12th or 13th gen i5 processor, 16GB RAM, and a 500GB SSD for around $700-ish, which is the low end of what I think you're going to pay for a decent laptop. I'm reccing lenovo here because I personally like them and have found them to be very easy to crack open for repairs and upgrades. Stick to the thinkbook over the thinkpad because that's the business line and is a bit sturdier and they are designed to be easier to upgrade over time.

Actually, here's a thinkbook with a 12th gen i5, 40GB RAM, and a 1tb SSD for under $700. That's a shockingly good price for that laptop; the reseller OEMGenuine is one I've purchased from many times before for work and I've found them to be reliable, though the reason those specs are so good is because they've added aftermarket parts, so your RAM and SSD won't be under warranty from Lenovo.

For Framework you're looking at at least $1000, but it's easy to plug and play with upgrades so you can start out with lower specs (except processor, don't cheap out on the processor) and upgrade later. The framework is a bit smaller and easier to travel with, but I have a laptop quite similar to the lenovo and it's not a huge pain to move around - it's very light but the 15" screen might be bigger than you're looking for.

If you're willing to spend a little bit more and you're very uninterested in doing your own upgrades and would prefer the most computer you can get for your money right out of the gate, this is a 12th gen i7 thinkpad with 40GB RAM and a 2TB SSD for $1150. (I've not ordered from this reseller before, so maybe check over their terms if you're considering purchasing from them.)

[iwaasfairy]

┌─ “ „ FIXED

tw. cest, bit of degradation but mainly praise, spit, oral fixation, oral, choking, its kinda soft pffff so tw feelings, corruption, hajime gets off on the guilt wordcount. 4.2k

a/n.  who's surprised about more cest? exactly no one ♡♡♡ but i missed hajime nii, besides i haven't written nearly enough full length big bro iwa fics FIXED /fikst/ 1. predetermined and not subject to or able to be changed. (adj.) 2. mend or repair. (verb)

iwaizumi hajime x fem!reader

You never really knew that much about boys growing up. That’s just how it went. Hajime started playing volleyball before you were old enough to remember different. Your life was constructed around it. Every practice for him meant no free babysit for your parents, so you were dragged with mom to dance class with other moms. And they brought their equally clueless baby girls, which led to you enrolling in girls related things with girls who related.

You wouldn’t have known about boy’s things, apart from the small circle of cultivated friends Hajime allowed into his space, and yours. It wasn’t on purpose, but the outcome was still the same.

Any and all information you had about boys came straight from Hajime’s mouth, who was older. Compared to clueless you; niichan held the wisdom of a sage. You always clung to his every word, even as he grew bigger. Even as he grew more snappy, sick of dealing with his friends who were stupid boys and did stupid high school boy things. Everything you didn’t know went through niichan. Not ever the other boy spending too much time in your house, because Oikawa was a liar, and niichan would make sure you remembered it.

But you knew certain things too when you saw them, and what small amount you did know— was now rearing it’s ugly head and asking questions.

“Wh—what’s this? What are you watching?” As you shuffle out of the hall with a frown, you hold niichan’s phone away from your body with loose fingertips. Boys might not have cooties anymore in your mind, but everyone talks about how gross boys are. You don’t want to risk it. And Hajime freezes in place like he’s guilty, wide-eyed. It’s brand new. Unusual. Like hitting bullseye on the first throw, tickling your brain from within.

See, Hajime was always bigger than most in your town, athletically built, and prone to using that build full of energy and power to his advantage. That to say, he was always quicker than most to squish you into silence or grab you by the collar instead of using his words when it came to accusations. Your parents weren't around much to scold him for it. It’s what his popular best friend loved to call ‘anger issues’, wait for it to blow up.

And silent, thinly veiled panic isn’t — that.

“Why the hell are you on my phone?” Hajime’s face blanks as he puts down the remote, glances over his shoulder for supervision, and puts on his meanest glare as he scrambles up from the couch. He’d been left on little sister duty all afternoon, and now, you’d gone and made a critical error. Your friends joke about no-goes, but you never really got why ‘messing around on a boy’s phone’ was an issue.

Hajime nii clearly doesn’t agree. His biceps bulge as he crosses his arms over his chest with mouth set in a thin line, and you shuffle in place within arms’ reach of him.

“I’m not on your phone, I just found it like this on your bed.” It’s the truth, you hadn’t meant to find anything. Intent doesn’t matter to your big brother though, because he towers you as he does. It’s the best way you can describe the way he glares you down ice cold, close enough to make your skin break out in goosebumps, waiting for retaliation. If you were any of his guy friends, you’re sure they’d get a solid kick to the shin. The little sister treatment is more mean mugging you until you fidget. “I wasn’t even snooping, I just needed to get a charger,” you tack on, swinging your arms behind your back.

“Give it.”

“No,” you quip back, for no particular reason other than to win the back and forth that always starts like this.

“Give me my phone, before I choose to take it.” His hand sticks out, bigger than yours, and you lean back a little. Usually it’s just empty threats. But sometimes you pick the wrong day to argue back, until you end screaming like a banshee under him like it’s life or death. Niichan’s still young enough where it makes him feel strong not to hold back.

The second ‘no’ sticks in your throat as he leans into your space more, and you can basically taste the natural instinct to roll over before he gets there. But you can’t help yourself. You want answers. You don’t deliver the device as quickly as he wants you to. A single eyebrow raises -an I dare you- deciding whether or not to smack you over the head for your transgression.

And you should know better, but the younger sibling in you aches. You suck your bottom lip. “Why are you watching this?” you grimace as you look at the phone again, unlocking it to reveal the video of a naked girl suckling on what the deadly annoying, high-pitched whine of ‘step brother’ loud through the little phone speaker says is her brother’s… parts. It doesn’t look like anything you’ve ever seen, from the few seconds you watched. But niichan always gets into the bath before you, and you don’t peek. Ever. But judging by the groaning and moaning from the guy, it must be-

Hajime goes bright red in his face as he yanks the phone out of your hands. “Don’t play it, are you fucking stupid?” Your father is still just as busy in his office as he’s been all day, but the way he panics to turn it off would almost make you think differently.

“It’s porn, isn’t it? You’re watching porn.” You’ve heard your friends talk about porn enough to know what it is. You just don’t know why he’s watching it. “Why?”

After clicking out of the tab, your big brother makes a face that’s equal parts fed up, and embarrassed, but he doesn’t give you any of the answers you’re looking for. “Shittykawa sent me that, ’s nothing. Just- fuck, don’t touch my shit again. Or I’ll knock the sense into you, y’hear?”

“But why watch it?”

“You’re dumber than you look if you think I’ll talk to you about-” The last word isn’t even spoken, but it feels like it’s heard just as loud. Your brother watches porn. There’s a pit in your stomach. Because your brother isn’t a liar, but he also isn’t a gossip. And he doesn’t offer up important information until you ask, which always ends with you feeling left out. Late. The overly girly pout of the woman moaning rings in your mind over and over. You’ve never done that stuff to your brother. Instead of helping you out, he hoards info. It makes the hairs on your neck stand up, and you don’t know why.

When he goes to brush past you, you wrap your arms around his waist and cling to him, face to stomach as he tries to walk away. “I’m not done,” you drag out the word, “niichan, stahp-uh. St-aw-aww! You’re hurting me!” You’re really to blame for the way you struggle to hold him in place, and he isn’t one to just fold without a fight. “Niisan~ tell me why! Come on, don’t be annoying. Ughh— don- you’re annoying!” Hajime nii doesn’t just give in. You know that as well as he does.

“Get off!!” His hand is big and warm as it wraps around your neck and he shoves his thigh between your legs, lifted off the floor. You cling on, squeezing hard as he huffs and you use your whole body to try and keep him in place. “Let go of me, brat, fuckin’-uhg- you’re—” You manage to fall back halfway into the couch with Hajime’s weight on top of you in the struggle and bite it, butt landing hard on the floor as he knees you in the shoulder and protects your face just in time. “Idiot, you wanna break your nose over this shit?”

“Why are you looking at that stuff, tell me!” you demand again, through welling up tears this time. “I want to know, or else- Else I’ll ask Oikawa.” He moves just enough to cradle your face and watch you for a second, then blows out a deep breath.

“No, you don’t.” His eyes zero in on yours, and his eyebrows flatten out a little. “You’ve made your point, just stop making a scene.” After running a hand through his spiky tufts of hair, he clicks his tongue. “If I tell you, will you shut up about it?”

Your head bobs up and down quickly, always ready to indulge your brother. “Of course! Promise.” Your voice is extra sweet when you say it.

In turn, Hajime sits back down to make some room for your shoulder as you sink down against the furniture, and look up at him. “Get up from the floor, c’mon-”

“Hajime nii~,” you bristle, crossing your arms over your chest, “just say it.”

You can basically see him think about rolling his eyes, but he fights the urge to instead let out a noncommittal huff, and pats his thigh. “Suit yourself.” You swallow down a sniffle, and rest your head onto the couch. And your niichan’s eyes flick to you again, hesitating. “What d’you want me to- I- If you wanna know why I watched it, it’s- because it feels good. I like it.” Your face must give away your confusion, because he glances over his shoulder again before patting your head and running his fingers through your hair in nerves. “And it is easier for guys to… come if we watch stuff.”

“Like it?” Your lashes tickle against the fabric as you look up at him, not yet satisfied. He’s not getting away with a measly little explanation like that. “But what was the girl doing?” Niichan’s chest rumbles softly with the deep breath he takes, pulling his fingers down to squeeze the bridge of your nose instead, like it’ll shut you up. But it doesn’t, only makes you whine and push at the hand. When he speaks again, his voice is very soft, almost too much so. It makes you giddy. It warms your blood. You love when Hajime nii tells you secrets, or things you’re not supposed to know.

The low mumble reaches. “Sucking his dick.”

Sucking it. You pop your lips, and watch as he starts bouncing his leg next to your head. But the lady in the video wasn’t just sucking. You’re not sure how to word it, so just pout for a moment. It’s not like you mean to push it too far. Evidently, you do though. “Can I do that to you, niichan?”

It nails the coffin closed, because he suddenly stands up and narrows his eyes, as heat comes up all the way to his ears. “Oh my god, don’t make it sound fucked up. I’m—”

"What, what, what?" you pout, and cling to him.

"Shut. Your. Trap. Dad's gonna hear." He takes your cheeks between his index finger and thumb, and makes you really look into his eyes. “Don’t ask anyone else that. Ever, okay? I’m not- talking about this with you right now.”

+

The conversation sated you back then, it seems. Because it doesn’t come up again until you’ve totally forgotten about it, much, much later. Late enough for you to be awoken from your sleep with an involuntary yawn. Hajime’s apartment is still pitch black, but you’re not unaware of the shape next to you as it slips into the covers with careful motions. Your chest rises and falls shallowly, before you nose pushes into his chest and he settles. “Sorry.”

“M’n -rom d’airport, miss you,” you slur, and also curl up further into Hajime’s heat, who doesn’t bother to try and understand you. You’re not even sure yourself. Only that you don’t want him to move, and that the gentle soothing motion of his heavy hand on your hip is nice. “Hm?”

“You’re taking up my side,” his voice rattles your skull with how deep and low it feels this close to your brain.

“‘M not leaving, you’re warm. Wanna stay here. Forever.” It’s enough to have him give in, slide an arm under your side and drape you up a little higher onto his pillow to really slide in nice and close next to you. Chest to chest, and your face to his collar. It isn’t the first time you’ve cuddled, or felt his thighs force some room between your legs to slide one of his between.

But it’s weird. You can still feel his eyes on your face, magnetic in the twilight. They trail paths all over, suffocatingly so. When you open your eyes as much as the call of sleep will allow, your lashes almost brush his nose, and it tickles, and your big brother’s breath dusts over your cheeks. “Wanna get more sleep before I have to go back home.” You justify, but Hajime doesn’t nod, doesn’t disagree either. He just looks, too close to your face. Your sleepiness doesn’t matter so much when your heart patters against your ribs. It’s just - like ice sliding down your spine, you can feel how your stomach turns inside you, and how hot the air feels. Why is it weird?

You’re older now. You know better now. There’s a whisper, a soft “niichan,” anything to break the tension. It is breathier than you mean it to come out. You just want to know if he feels nauseous too, sensing the same feeling of hell pressing down on your chest as the room seems to come closer. He seems to come closer too. He’s always so bright, so present in your mind. Whether you’re halfway across the world or kept

in his arms. And then pillowy lips connect with yours, nose brushing along your matching one, and your lips are pushed open by a wet, warm tongue. A hot flash travels down your throat as you try not to skitter away at the feeling. It takes a few seconds for your brain to catch up. Why is it different? Why? Why’s your belly burning with a strange sort of pressure? Tonight’s the last night you’ll be spending in Hajime’s apartment for a while, maybe.

His tongue slides into your mouth and tangles with yours, tasting of watermelon and mint mouthwash, and his heart beats slower against your chest. He’s just so close, and you feel like you’re drifting off into dreamland with how warm you feel melting into him. “M-nii -chan,” your voice comes, and a hand grabs your cheek to pull your face closer to his. You’re instantly reminded… of that high pitched moan of that girl on that video.

“Shh, ‘s okay. I’ve got you,” he noses along your jaw, before pressing a lingering kiss right in the middle of your bobbing throat. You don’t expect him to sit up. You don’t expect him to slide his arm under your knees and move you sideways, and to come back to your face for more warm, sloppy, wrong kisses. “I love you. I love you.” This is… wrong, isn’t it? It’s incest, and wrong. The word that haunted you ever since you learned it’s meaning. He groans your name in the quiet, and you automatically reply with a soft moan. Can’t help it. The kissing turns into deeper, needier, panting and spit on your bottom lip before he slides the calloused tips of his fingers over the exposed sliver of your tummy and up.

Hooking your flimsy cotton onto his fingers and pulling at it until he reaches the swell of your tits, but not revealing anything yet. You shake, and your legs spread apart. There’s a pressure on your bladder, on the lowest part of your belly, where heat collects itself and drips out of you into your panties— and it should be more embarrassing than it is. But your pout is kissed by your devoted, all-knowing big brother, and you wrap your arms around his neck to pull him closer.

“Let me- wanna show you somethin’ now.” His breathing against you feels like heaven, sweetening your blood until you can barely think straight over the smacking mouths and dripping of spit and your cunt and the swirling fire in your loins. “You’re so fucking- pretty.” His chest rubs against your tits, and his fingers pinch the skin where your breasts blush with heat, squeezing with a low rumble of his voice. He wants to say something, but doesn’t get the words out, clearly, as he shuts himself up in your lips, then your throat, down to your tits. Your pussy’s glowing, and your mind foggy- something you can’t pinpoint to either sleep or the moment, and is most likely both combined.

Hajime nii’s boxers are barely clinging onto his thighs with the way it’s tented around his cock when he pulls back, taking a long look just like you are. He’s hot, physically burning under your eyes. But also… filled out so much. He was always broad, but now it’s just distracting. Carved from marble and dusted with gold. It’s childish, petulant even, how you take in the sight and moan with your hands pawing at his shirt, but so fucking true. You’re overcome with it, with love for him.

And niichan seems similarly affected as you are, because there’s a furrow between his brows that only relaxes when he stares at your blushy, spit-covered lips, your heaving chest, the sticky patch of your panties as you’re laid spread on his bed.

His hand comes to yours, letting you wrap your fingers around his, but he doesn’t move beyond that. Only breathes deeply, and stares at the way you tangle your fingers between his. “Niichan, please,” you whine, pulling, tugging, demanding him into motion until he places his free hand onto his chubbed cock and squeezes himself through the fabric. The wet patch of his gray boxers clings uncomfortably to his cockhead, and you suck your lip between your teeth. “Show me, niichan. I wa- wan’ you to, please.”

You’re the one sitting up first, grabbing a handful of your own tits to whimper as his fist stays screwed around his cock— and have to lean yourself all the way down to nose at the inside of his thigh before he finally moves again. “Oh- fuck.” His hips jerk as he rubs himself against your cheek once, and when you moan, again. Large hands and long fingers splay out over your head to keep you in place as gently as he can manage as you let your spit-slick tongue rub against him as he fucks into the air and you chase. You only manage a little glance up between your lashes at his heavy petting and desperate few pumps against the softness of your mouth, but it’s plenty.

Plenty to see the blown out pupils and bead of sweat rolling down his neck, his ears and cheeks a dusty pink. Your big brother groans when you brush your thumb over the sticky patch of the fabric and wrap a ring of fingers around him, forcing the covered head to pop into your soft mouth with a loud kissy noise. “I- Fucking hell, get o- oh,” he doesn’t let you stay latched on, tangling his fingers in your hair and holding you away as he shudders, “you wan’it? That makes you feel good, does it?” The pull of your hair feels good though, pussy clenching around nothing again.

“Mhm, being under my big brudder makes me feel good.” You can’t keep yourself from nuzzling into his hand when he releases you to get up onto his knees, and watch as he shoves the boxers down his thick thighs with slower motions than you wish he’d use. It’s a little unfair. Even in the low light, you can see the glossiness of his cockhead, the little trail of hair leading you all the way down to right between muscular legs- and your nails drag down the skin with a needy whine until he rests the heavy tip back onto your lips. Onto your squirming, little tongue.

Hajime’s breathing comes to a halt as you lick up the slit and glance up at him, and move your hand to reach under his cock too. “Mh-niichan? You wanted this, right? for how long?”

His eyes go half lidded as he hums. “Long.”

Another long lick sliding down, your spit coats the bottom of his twitching cock until you’re happily nestled at the base and press kisses down. “Is that why you only watch sister porn?”

He groans your name with a tight grunt, and you can see the way his chest caves. You guess it doesn’t really matter. Worse sins have been committed just tonight than your big brother fondling you in his bed, and pressing you down on his lap. But the way it flushes his neck and makes his eyes narrow is so satisfying, you almost don’t know what to do with yourself when he pushes you away from him to roll you onto your back, long fingers finding your neck. The press scares you for a split second, before the pressure makes way for entirely too much pleasure. “Still a fucking brat.” His olive irises flash as he watches you drop open your mouth again, and pull at his shirt with a moan.

“Take this off~ niichan, please. Please.” His shirt is discarded somewhere next to the bed, before he allows you to place your lips back to the thumping, blood-filled head of his cock and wrap them around it. It feels good, really good— and he tastes like Hajime, slowly starting to rock onto your tongue as his hand tightens in your hair.

“Wan- uhuh, fuck, I want to cum down your throat so bad. Use-m- my little sister’s mouth.” He’s heavy, and thick, and spit gets everywhere as you do your very best to hollow your cheeks around his hard cock each time he pushes a little farther in. But of course you gag when he pushes past your tongue into your tight throat, and grunts out your name. He pulls back to let you take a breath but fucks right back into you, now rocking his hips harder and deeper. You gag, and Hajime hums. “Tch, messy little sister. Good, tho- feels so good-” Your fingers squeeze around the part where you can’t quite reach, other hand on his balls, while spit goes everywhere.

“Fuck, I’m fucking my sister’s mouth, this is- so fucked.” You suck harder, and Hajime’s cock twitches in your mouth. “Uh- love— you, uhuh, that’s a good girl.” Your lips are stretched wide, and your throat burns around the intrusion, but the feeling just makes you so lightheaded. Floating off from the world as he cups your face with two hands and jackhammers into your mouth until you can’t tell up from down. Your muffled, sloppy ‘niichan, niichan’ only makes his shoulders raise higher, abs flexed each time he makes you bottom out around him, each time tears run down your face. Even when you gag and push back against him. “You love your big brother too, right?”

“Mhm,” you’re choking on it and enjoying it, breath flooding your lungs each time he pulls back far enough to let you— before you have to grab his thigh and open your teary eyes to glance up at him. “Niichan, Hajime nii, p-please. Want your cock, i-inside, want to be my big brother’s cockslut, plea~se.”

He hauls you up from him by your shoulders, rolls you onto your back as he stares into your eyes. Pupils blown wide, with the pretty sliver of green, he bites his lip so hard it must hurt. “Why— you keep saying shit like that, thinking I’m not going to react? Stop poking.” His long fingers glide from your shoulder up to your neck again, and squeeze just enough to have you seeing little stars that vanish when you look at them. It feels good. Hajime feels so good. With the light of the moon dusting along his edges, you slowly spread your legs on both sides of his body, and blink.

“Mean it. Mn-gh, nii~chan. Want your cock to fill me up, I wan’it so bad. Want you.” He looks rabid as he dips down to shove a thumb between your lips for you to suck, lingering in that heady feeling. More. You moan it around his finger as he pushes on your tongue, but he’s already distracted with the way you’re peeling your own panties down your legs, and how the stings of slick stretch from the fabric all the way to your gushing cunt. “Pl-uh-ese, nii-dan.” Your lewd sucking of his finger and the way you pull your lower legs around his glutes seems to be too much for him.

“Love ya, Hajime niichan.”

You feel his lips crash to yours before his cock is shoved into you, but it’s the latter that instantly has your arms wrap around his muscular back to cling on. Because he’s thick, heavy, and burning hot inside you. Wetness clicks and squelches as he slides all the way in and swallows up your moan. He pulls out, and slams back in hard enough to make your legs jerk. You feel him in your belly. You feel him in your throat. You feel him in your soul too, as he sucks your tongue and cups your cheek and palms your tits all at once. As he pulls out and hits a spot inside you you didn’t even know about, and fucks you so good it makes your toes curl.

“‘S our secret, okay?” he pants when he pulls back, lifting your legs to your chest. And you’re already nodding your head up and down before he has to ask more, letting out the shakiest whimper.

Your voice is extra sweet when you hum. “Of course. Promise~.”

All Rights Reserved © IWAASFAIRY 2022. Works are exclusive to this Tumblr.

[cupcakeshakesnake]

Uhm uh could you info dump about your Portal AU 👉👈 (I definitely do not have ulterior motives and I am definitely not thinking about inserting my OC into the AU hahahaha why would you think that)

I don't know what there is to infodump about so here is a sort of... timeline? Compendium?

Most of it is the same as canon Portal 2, except GLaDOS and Wheatley are androids.

The AU starts when GLaDOS - disconnected from the main chassis and connected instead to a potato battery - and Chell fall into old aperture. They discover Cave Johnson, not deceased as was widely believed but rather locked underground in android form along with an outdated maintenance system for Aperture. Inspired by this fic, to be specific. (I call him an android for convenience but technically he may count as a cyborg. Haven't really delved into that. He's not "alive" in the fully human sense, though.)

They need the data stored in Cave to get through some parts of Old Aperture, so they begrudgingly take him along. Most of the cables coming out of his neck and wrists used to be connected to a now obsolete surveillance/maintenance system, and are now haphazardly rolled up around him. His power cable is connected to another potato battery (which he usually keeps in his pocket).

Like other Aperture "personality constructs", Cave can "remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts", but it has its limitations - as is the case with GLaDOS, using too much energy can get him knocked out.

Cave's endgoal here is to end his own life, which he can't do on his own due to several failsafe measures built into him (such as being unable to unplug himself from the system in the first place, and as a result being stuck underground). He still keeps up his cheery, eccentric (and far from sane) attitude, but with an added hint of cynicism and roundabout self-deprecation. Decades of mulling over his life underground has led him to have some regrets about certain decisions, although he would never speak any of it out loud to anyone. Personality-wise, some inspirations were taken from the robot Cave in Aperture Desk Job.

In one possible ending for the story (which I haven't mentioned before but have had in mind for some time), they enter a newer part of Aperture where the emancipation grills do not have the data that lets Cave enter without being disintegrated. Here he acknowledges that Chell and GLaDOS have no more need of him and voluntarily walks into the emancipation grill.

Here's an excerpt from my notes.

"These emancipation grills were built in my time. They're not calibrated to accomodate-" GLaDOS gestures towards Johnson. "- him. We'll need to find a way to hack into the-" "Hey hey hey- don't bother. I'm gonna be level with you. You don't need me anymore." "Elaborate." "The stuff built here on out's brand new. I don't even have the code for it. Sure, you needed me to get through the old facility, but I think I'm gonna head out now." "…Is that so." "My time is up, I can feel it. I'm not going to heaven, no sir. Was never much of a religions guy anyway. But know this, lady," the former CEO turns to Chell. "I want to see you make it out alive. This facility I built, it swallows you up. Don't get me wrong, it's the best damn science facility on this earth and I couldn't be more proud of it, but you stay here too long and- well." He shrugs, cables dangling from and wrapped around him like ropes. "It's pretty much my destiny to die down here, but you, kid, you get out there. You go up to the surface and see the daylight. Caroline, take care of the facility. Oh, and her." "Yes sir Mr Johnson…" "Oh and beat that moron's ass for me." They go through the fizzler, leaving him behind - there is a sound that makes Chell turn back, only to see some particles evaporating. GLaDOS doesn't turn back. "Goodbye sir."

[virtualcarrot]

[KKIR] Pen on paper - Part 1

[Ao3]

-

“Ah, so everything’s in order?” Hiroaki asks, extending his hand.

He has surprisingly slender fingers for a man his age, a bit gnarly but steady, with few training callouses. He's long since replaced shuriken with pen and paper.

He accepts Iruka's documents with a smile and gives them a cursory look in the eye of the storm that is his desk.

“Good, good. All set for tomorrow?”

Iruka isn't. He already feels guilty enough over leaving, even if only for a few months, he didn't want to impact his work even more by taking time off to prepare.

He rubs the back of his head sheepishly. “Not quite.”

Hiroaki’s face takes on a mildly pinched look, like he's trying not to smile. At this point in time, they've been working together for over two years. He's well used to Iruka's brand of work-life balance.

Meaning that there is none.

Hiroaki doesn’t call Iruka out on his peculiar time management. Instead, he peers curiously at one of the folders, the one holding a detailed summary of Iruka’s weekly talks with the Rokudaime. The official ones.

His and Kakashi's digressions about former students or the new restaurant two streets over that oversalts its food aren’t instrumental to the Academy’s reform. They aren’t instrumental to anything, really. Just a guilty pleasure that Iruka is trying to cut back on.

“This wasn’t necessary,” Hiroaki says, somewhat confused as he goes through the folder. “We will wait for your return. No point moving on without you.”

That wasn't the plan. That was very much the opposite of the plan.

Iruka hastily considers alternatives. If he can get his hands on the full list of applicants, he’s sure he can contact one to be his replacement. Surely Konoha has other fuinjutsu enthusiasts willing to leave everything off the drop of a hat to go to Kirigakure.

“Did you think we'd pursue the reform without you?” Hiroaki asks, sounding puzzled.

“Won’t you?”

“Well, of course, if the Hokage requests that we do…” The glint of Hiroaki’s eyes is a reminder that he didn't make Headmaster by being a bumbling fool. “Did the Hokage request it?”

“Not to my knowledge.”

“But Kakashi-sama is aware that you're leaving, yes?”

“Of course,” Iruka replies, perfectly aware that he's working on a half-truth. “I asked for his permission before applying for the course. And I've filled in all of the necessary paperwork once I was accepted.”

“But you haven't told him.”

“The Hokage's assistants are very competent. I'm sure he's been informed.”

Ever hands-off in his management, Hiroaki purses his lips but makes no remonstration. That doesn't mean he's without an opinion.

Iruka works hard not to shift his weight under his gaze. “I thought--I mean, of course, if it’s too much work, I understand, but when you said you’d pick up my assignments, I assumed…”

Entirely unconcerned with his turmoil, Hiroaki resumes speaking. “Well, of course, if the Rokudaime calls on me,” he says mildly. “But I don't believe he and I will need to meet quite as often while you're away.”

Iruka freezes, taken by a horrifying thought. “Do you think Kakashi-san's opposed to me leaving?!”

Hiroaki gives a slow blink.

“I… wouldn’t know. I’m surprised you haven’t taken it up with him.”

Iruka squeezes the back of his neck, fingers digging deep. “Kakashi-san has bigger priorities. But it doesn’t matter, I’ll find someone to take my spot.”

The discarded folder lands on the desk with barely a whisper. It's been a while since Hiroaki saw the battlefield but he too is a shinobi. The staff as a whole tends to forget that until his silence reminds them. He pushes up without any more noise and invites Iruka to the window with a glance.

Together they look out at the freshly rebuilt rooftops of Konoha.

“Iruka-sensei,” Hiroaki says after a while with that sense of indulgent gravity that, before him, Iruka thought only Hiruzen could pull off. “If you feel like you cannot give your full attention to your teachers, you do what you have to do. But I also remember a highly qualified young man who convinced himself that he was unsuited for a position as vice-principal, and who had to be swiftly disabused before it was too late.”

Iruka feels himself flush at the memory. He got lucky, back then. Claiming other schedule conflicts, Kakashi had simply gone and pushed back any and all official events and administrative deadlines taking place on the day of Naruto’s wedding. It took weeks for Iruka and the other clerks to catch up with the submissions that accrued following that decision, but he can’t complain. It gave him a second chance. Two days after the wedding, he reapplied. He sat down for the exam the following day.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Hiroaki clasps his hands behind his back. “By and large, you have proven that hesitant young man wrong, Iruka-sensei. And this is an exceptional opportunity. Kirigakure does not easily grant access to such knowledge.”

“I understand that, but surely the Academy--”

“--will benefit from your education. I agree.”

It’s all very flattering, but it doesn’t solve the main issue.

Iruka heaves a long sigh. “It still feels wrong. To suspend these talks while I’m away.”

“I did not recommend you for VP on a whim, you know. Why do you think I’ve put you in charge of the reform?”

“Honestly? I thought it was so you’d be free to work on your personal research.”

Even presently, the headmaster’s desk is cluttered with a staggering amount of obscure scrolls and painstaking notes. Iruka hadn’t realized, before being promoted to the administrative side of the Academy, just how much of his time the headmaster dedicates to his passion projects. And how many of his duties Hiroaki'd happily push onto Iruka just to be free to do that.

To be fair, the Academy as a whole would probably benefit from a greater focus on strict research. In the years since Iruka's started working there, nobody’s ever taken the time to sit down and review the state of knowledge on chakra or teaching methods or basic ninjutsu. Or anything, really.

Hiroaki lets out a bark of surprised laughter. 

“Well, that is a perk. At my age, you learn to make the best of things. But most of all, I want to retire. And who better to lead those changes than the one who will be in charge of the reformed Academy after me?”

Iruka only doesn’t buckle at the thought because he’s too busy reeling from it. He's not ready. He's not ready to even consider it.

Hiroaki steps away from the window, signaling the end of this tangent.

“Well?” he asks. When Iruka only mutters something unintelligible in response, he smiles obligingly. “Whether you go or stay, I do believe the clock’s ticking.”

It’s a good reminder for Iruka to pull himself together. In spite of it all, the answer’s easy.

“I’m going,” he declares, resolute.

Hiroaki gives him an approving nod.

“You might want to inform the Hokage of your decision, then.”

Ah.

Iruka does not want to.

*

Iruka may be avoiding Kakashi.

He has his reasons.

He wouldn’t be the first person to get a crush on a Hokage, or on the legendary Hatake Kakashi, or even on both at the same time ever since the latter became the first. Power’s attractive, after all.

Iruka wishes he were this shallow.

Kakashi's been a coworker, a jounin commander and a source of both comforting advice and apoplectic indignation to Iruka over the years. He’s not a stranger. He even saved Iruka’s life, once, and then he went on to help save the world, and since then he's been steadily reshaping Konoha into a place built for peace rather than war.

And he's humble about it all, always welcoming Iruka's opinion, which makes him seem approachable, which makes him seem familiar. It's an insidious kind of torture and Iruka needs to get his shit together before he forgets himself past the point of no return.

Distance should give him some perspective.

By the time he has finished packing; hunted down Kotetsu to entrust with a key to his apartment; evenly distributed his administrative caseload to his coworkers; briefed his replacement at the missions desk; briefed his other replacement at the reports desk; briefed the senior clerk on how to handle the rookies without relying on Iruka to yell at them; and given a redundant reminder to the Academy teachers that while compassion is key, the students also benefit from not being allowed to walk all over them, the sun’s setting on the horizon.

The light’s are out at the windows of the Hokage tower. Iruka pens a politely neutral message reassuring Kakashi of his commitment to the Academy’s reform, and takes the stairs to slip it under the door. Like a coward.

The door clicks open under the pressure of his fingers. Unexpected, but not unlikely. The janitors are still hard at work somewhere in the building at this time and the offices won't likely be locked until they're done.

He takes it as a sign from fate to be more dignified and at the very least leave the note on the desk.

He's not staying long, so he makes his way in the semi-dark. It’s probably why he doesn’t notice straight away that there’s a slumped shadow in the Hokage’s chair.

“Ah!” he yelps, before diving for the lights.

At the desk, Kakashi squints back, looking wan and miserable.

“Hello, Iruka-sensei,” he greets in a raspy voice.

That’s all he says.

Iruka frowns, considering. Then, with his hand still hovering by the wall, he flicks off the lightswitch.

“You could just ask me to turn off the lights, instead of enduring. Headache?”

Kakashi grunts. Iruka's given to understand that his young body adapted a bit too much to the sharigan back when it was transplanted, and is now struggling to go without. Naruto’s spontaneous replacement during the war didn’t include brand new chakra paths.

Iruka’s sight takes a few seconds to adapt to the renewed darkness. Once it does, he makes a tentative approach. Kakashi watches him move with heavier eyelids than usual.

“Wouldn’t you rest better at home?”

“Hm. Probably,” Kakashi replies with a shrug. “Is there something I can do for you?”

Iruka looks down at the folded note he’d been about to leave and hides it behind his back, inanely.

“Yes. Or, I mean…” He takes a deep breath. “I wanted to tell you I’m leaving tomorrow morning.”

''Ah. I was wondering when you were going to tell me.”

Of course he knows.

Iruka rubs the back of his head in a show of contrition. ''I didn't want to bother you with it, I'm sorry for the trouble. But I've prepared, I made sure to brief everyone. You really won't notice that I'm gone."

"Doubtful," Kakashi says lightly, prompting a new wave of Iruka's professional guilt. Is he really being so selfish, by leaving? For a once in a lifetime opportunity?

“Hiroaki-kocho suggested that further talks about the reform wait for my return.”

“Makes sense.”

Iruka stares. He scratches the bridge of his nose. “Do you want me… to not go?”

Kakashi stays silent for what feels like a minute, breathing the short, even breaths of someone burdened with a steady amount of not-insignificant pain.

“No,” he says at last. “I’m glad you were selected. I’ve been told you were thrilled when you learned. I didn’t know you’re so taken with fuinjutsu.”

“It’s nothing much. I know the basics, just like everyone else at the Academy--”

“I’m sure,” Kakashi whispers, something sarcastic to his voice. Iruka decides to be generous and chalk it up to the headache.

“--but I’d love to know more.”

“You never talk about it. You do know I’m a former student of the Yondaime, himself a fuinjutsu user, right?”

Of course Iruka knows, but you don’t trouble a master painter for instructions to a toddler. Similarly, the idea of asking Kakashi of all people for help with Iruka’s little hobby is laughable. For some reason, the man seems to have a generous opinion of Iruka’s aptitudes, and call him selfish but Iruka’s not keen to show him otherwise. Kakashi’ll find out eventually.

“You’re very busy,” Iruka points out.

Kakashi’s frown deepens. He looks frustrated.

“I am. It’s never stopped me from making time for a friend.”

It’s so terribly kind, and so bittersweet. It feels like a betrayal of Kakashi’s trust that Iruka can’t appreciate the honor of these words without feeling greedy for more.

These months away from Konoha will really do him good.

“Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind for when I’m back.” He spots the office’s paper basket and discreetly feeds it his redundant message to Kakashi. “Are you sure you don’t want to go home?”

Kakashi blinks slowly. He seems to ponder and discard more than a few words. Eventually he shrugs.

“In a bit, I will. Can you close the door on your way out?”

Iruka can, and he does. Kakashi’s voice reaches him through the narrowing opening.

“Have a nice trip, Iruka-sensei.”

The door clicks shut.

*

Iruka leaves in the mid-morning. He and Naruto share an awkward little hug, Hinata lifts Boruto so Iruka’s cheek gets bestowed with a drooly kiss, and then he's gone.

---

This was originally planned to be for the 2024 event for Iruka's birthday but, hm, well... Time happened.

Anyway, the bingo card sequence I was going for is the left column: Hokage, Temper, Fuinjutsu, Headache.

[Part 2]

[adyophene]

Hello ! I just have a little question, how do we start drawing ? I want go draw but idk how to start- any suggestion ? Or, if for starting it's better to do it with tutos, any tutorial to recommend ?

Have a great day !

Oooh, this is a tough question to answer! I suppose one the best pieces of advice I have is to figure out, before anything, what you are hoping to draw. What style, what tones, what media.

I have a feeling this might get long, so I will throw the rest under a readmore.

For me, when I started taking my art a little more seriously (I never went to art school or anything) I just focused on finding both tutorials on the fundamentals, and finding tutorials that focused on the aspects of art that interested me, which were animation and cartooning!

They go hand-in-hand, after all, and you'll find you end up honing in on the tutorials that coincide with your interests! IE- I ended up doing a lot of figure, and expression drawing because they would help me express emotion and movement better! I also spent so, so long just training my hand to be a bit more confident with drawing steady lines just because I loved the look of clean line-work!

So try to identify what your personal draw towards art is! By doing both something you like, as well as focusing the basics, I found that, at least in my personal experience, it put me in a positive feedback loop where I could keep seeing results in exactly the type of art I was interested in! And, once you start to feel confident, that is when you start adding in little bits of study from fields you might struggle with! A 90/10 split on what you're comfortable with and then what is new is usually a good way to go about it! Weirdly enough, though I don't watch him, I saw that the youtuber pewdiepie actually had a really good set of videos where he started from being a complete beginner and improving his art over 100 days. I believe its an absolutely great watch for a new artist, because he really does a great job in showing what a brand new journey into art can look like, and explains what he thinks each day. I think my favorite line was, 'after 24 days, I was finally having fun' because that can really sum up the new artist experience. It will absolutely be a slog at times, and can be really disheartening, but when you start to see progress, becomes so, SO fun.

Here is the link to the first vid, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMLEudGbxQk and his second https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJDtQTTAogk

ALSO- this was just the first video that came to mind because I watched it recently. I would recommend finding other videos about people learning to draw, or doing 30-100-365 day challenge videos. As for my personal favorite channels for art tutorials (though keep in mind, I haven't watched them in a few years ;-;, I need to study again);

There were a number of others that I wish I could link as well, but I am struggling to remember them. I hope any of that is helpful. My own art journey has been very long, and non linear, and I have to say, I'm not even satisfied with my own art! Its a endless mountain to climb, but it is so worth it to do! And lastly, I want to say thank you so much for sending this ask, you've made me dig back in to artists I used to study, and made me want to really focus back in on my own improvement!

[mlove44lh]

For a lifetime Part II - En/USA version

Part I here

Warnings: NSFW, +18, smut, angst, fluff, original character.

Words: 12.486

Summary: Lewis and Angie met in their childhood and after a short time they were already inseparable, the relationship escalated and soon they became more than friends. But life happened to both and they ended up following different paths. Nine years later they meet again. Is all that love really gone?

Notes: Some events are out of chronological order.

To read the second part, it is not necessary to have read the first, but you might not understand some things.

August 2015

I adjusted the necklace with my initial on my chest and took one last look in the mirror. The red lipstick highlighted my lips in a way that I wasn't sure if it was pretty or obscene. But I tried to push that thought away since I had already changed my lipstick 3 times in the last few minutes.

-Calm down. -I whispered to myself as I stared at my reflection. 

I was still in disbelief at everything that had happened in my life, everything had gone so well in the last few years, but I didn't think it would reach this point. Being part of the creative direction of a brand the size of Valentino is much more than I dreamed of. But here I am, in London, my new home since the last year, working with much more than I dreamed of. The work is wonderful, and even though I don't use my own designs, I help manage everything that involves the brand and the collections.

When all that happened between me and Lewis, for a moment I thought that my plan was not going to work, I was afraid of having given up the best thing in my life for a dream far from coming true. It was hard at first and to this day I think a lot about how it could have been, but I don't regret for a second the decision I made, even though it hurt for years.

I needed the maturity that time brings to be able to remember Lewis with a smile on my face, and I admit that I haven't stopped cheering for him at any moment in all this time. Seeing him win 2 world titles and go on his way to 3rd makes me the happiest and proudest person in the world. But I know that our story had an end, and it took me a while to accept that, but eventually, it happened, I was able to make peace with my decision and the end of our relationship. And today I only feel gratitude for everything we've experienced together.

I took out my phone and checked for one last time the address of the location where the cocktail presentation of the new Valentino collection would take place. As much as I've been at this job for a while, I still haven't gotten used to all the extravagance around it, cocktails like this are something I don't know if I'll ever get used to.

❀

I got out of the car and thanked the driver before closing the door, I looked at the large building and felt intimidated by its size. The marble stairs and columns of the hall only showed a little of all the majesty contained within the place. All the decorations in the party hall were in the beautiful shade of Valentino pink and I couldn't imagine anything more than such good taste.

It didn't take me long to find my coworkers near the bar, the place was full and I didn't know most of the people. There were guests, employees, and other stylists from all over the world. Valentino didn't skimp a bit on this cocktail.

-Angie! -I had left my colleagues and gone to explore the hall when I heard his voice calling me.

-Paolo, my dear! How are you? 

Paolo is the head director of Valentino, he was the one who discovered me in Paris and called me to work for his brand, and over time we ended up becoming great friends.

-Oh I'm good. Everything is perfect. -Paolo handed me his arm, which I accepted. We started to walk together through the hall. -What a wonderful dress, I wonder what talented hand signed it. 

I chuckled at his statement and patted my hand lightly on his. My dress screams Valentino.

-The best of all, of course. 

Paolo was leading me around the room and he seemed to be looking for someone. 

-Come bella, I want to introduce you to our main model of this new collection.

-I thought we would keep on with Miles, no?! 

-Oh no, I think this new collection deserves someone with more…Personality, you know? And luckily we managed to find someone that is perfect for the job.

I was looking at Paolo while walking, so when we got to that person, I didn't notice who it was until I heard his name. 

-Lewis, let me introduce you to our creative director. - He turned to us and I could see the panic in his eyes as he landed on me. I wasn't any different. No fucking way. -Angie, this is Lewis Hamilton. You must know him, great formula 1 driver, and our newest model for the new campaign.

Oh no.

No.

Please no.

The pain I was feeling in my feet because of the high heels disappeared from one second to another. Suddenly I don't feel anything anymore, the huge hall became a small room the moment I realized who was in front of me. I squeezed Paolo's arm unconsciously, I have no idea how my face is at that moment, but if my shock is showing, I'm letting everyone know how surprised I am to see him again.

I feel like I might pass out, it's like all my blood has been drained from my body, I'm freezing, trying to process everything and not end up throwing up right here in front of everyone.

Lewis looks so different. But at the same time, he looks exactly the same person I left at Stevenage nine years ago. It's almost an insult to how the passage of time has only served to make him even more attractive.

I want to run out of this room and not look back, but at the same time, I could also stay here for hours, looking at him and marking in my mind everything that changed in his body and everything that remains exactly the same. Like his eyes, those beautiful eyes that I would recognize anywhere in this world and at any moment in my life, those same eyes that cried with me, and that same lips that made me promises in vain.

I want to cry, I want to hug him and then punch him. All at once. But of course, I won't do any of those things, instead, I'll just stand here, looking at him and pretending that I'm fine and that the memories of years ago don't affect me anymore. I was very wrong to make myself believe that I could get over this man who is now standing right in front of me.

I can't stop looking at him, but from my peripheral vision I can feel Paolo's gaze beside me, burning me, I know I have to do something, but I don't know how. But then Lewis does it for me, and I see his hand move from the side of his body, and extend it in front of me, waiting for a handshake.

-Nice to meet you, Angie. 

Wait a second. What? He will pretend he doesn't know me? If I looked confused before, it's only increased now. Why would he do that? 

why the fuck is he acting like he doesn't know me??

I was static and it took a little push from Paolo to bring me back to reality. I quickly shake his hand, trying not to stay in contact with him any longer than necessary. And hoping my shaking hands would go unnoticed by him and Paolo 

-The pleasure is mine.

I don't know why I didn't deny it either, I could have said something but I didn't. I just followed his game, whatever it is. I don't want to extend this one second longer than necessary.

Lewis smiles at me, which makes my stomach churns with anxiety, that's not his smile, I know him. That smile now is like a programmed, studied, and rehearsed smile. I was there when the smiles were real and unscarred, I spent hours on end looking at that smile and laughing with it, analyzing every detail of its features when there was just enough happiness in it for me to tattoo in my mind. And there's a big difference to that smile now. I hope with all my heart that this is a consequence of his nervousness and not a change that came with these years we spent apart. It would be mean to the world for people not to have the opportunity to see the perfection of his true smile.

I don't smile back at him, if I try to curl my lips into a smile the chances are I'll get the exact opposite and start crying.

I can hear Paolo's voice in the background, but when I start to pay attention Paolo has already stopped talking and is now looking at me with a face that I can't interpret as being too angry or too embarrassed, either way, I can see it in his face how screwed I am.

-Yes. I can't wait to start working with you, I've already had the opportunity to see some pieces, and from what I believe it will be a great collection. -Lewis says looking intently at Paolo. At this point, I no longer know if the question was directed at me or Lewis.

They start talking about the brand, but I can't pay attention to anything. I took my eyes off Lewis and since then the noise in my mind seems to have gotten even bigger. I don't take long to find an excuse and get out of there.

I go to the bathroom and lock the door, the high collar of my dress manages to make me feel even more suffocated, I take one, two, twenty breaths before trying to get my thoughts in order. This is not right, he is a formula 1 driver, I work in the fashion industry, and our paths would never cross, I know that. I thought about it for a long time. I planned my steps so as not to run into his, it was supposed to be a safe field and away from Lewis. Why is this happening? Why now? Just when I was thinking less about us, imagining us less. Suffering less for us.

Us...

And now it's all gone, all the effort I've made to get him out of my mind, and he appears right in front of me, in flesh, blood, and Valentino.

I should have been part of the decision for the new model. I think about talking with Paolo that I don't like Lewis as our principal model, but I couldn't do that, and it's too late for a change like that anyway. I even think about resigning, but that is out of the question, not when it took me years to live this dream, and not because of a ghost from my past that I insisted on keeping alive.

At the end of the day, I'll just have to deal with it and live the next few weeks running from Lewis. And just thinking about it makes me feel suffocated again.

I take out my phone and check the notifications, I come across an angry Paolo in my messages.

"What’s wrong with you?" 

"Why did you treat our model that way, Angie? Are you insane?" 

"You're lucky I love you and your work is phenomenal, otherwise I swear you were out. I'm so pissed at you." 

-Shit.

God, I could scream right now, everything happening all at once. I type and delete a reply to Paolo several times, not sure what to say to him. What excuse can I make for what just happened? 

"Sorry, I don't know what just happened to me. I promise it won't happen again."

I send the message to Paolo and check the hours before locking my phone screen. Two more hours and I can go home. Two more hours, that's all, and I'll go home, throw myself under the covers, and never come out. 

I leave the bathroom and go back to where I was before my night turned into this craziness.

-Can I have a whiskey on the rocks? -I ask the bartender as soon as I lean against the bar counter. He didn't take long to serve my drink. I swallow all of the amber liquid in a few sips, the burn of the alcohol going down my throat doesn't have the immediate effect I'd like it to, I can still feel my whole body tense. I don't think even an alcoholic coma could calm me down at this moment.

The bar is emptier, most people are now on the dancefloor. I try to spot Lewis but he's nowhere to be seen, I want to make sure I'm at a safe distance from him.

After putting down my glass on the marble counter, I get off the stool and walk outside, which is even emptier. I light a cigarette and try to dissipate him from my mind. Don't blame me, 4 years in Paris makes anyone a smoker.

I try with all the tactics I've developed over the years to put him out of my thoughts. Even after all this time I still haven't found the secret formula for it.

I smell him before I hear his voice, the smell that's been imbued in my brain since the last hour when we meet again. His new fragrance is enjoyable, certainly an expensive perfume that he can now afford it without any difficulty.

-That's not a healthy habit. As I recall you hated that sort of thing. 

I turn to face him. 

-Oh, so you remember me.

He gives me a wanton half-smile that makes me mad. 

- I'm sorry, I didn't know what to say there. I don't want people to start to assume anything.

Pretentious.

-And why would people start to assume anything? -I put out my cigarette and throw it into the ashtray beside me. 

His half-smile disappears. He doesn't answer me. I wait a few seconds before realizing that that was the end of our conversation.

So I walk past him to head back into the party. 

I feel his fingers wrap around my wrist and 

by the surprise of the contact, I stop immediately to look at him. Lewis is inches away from me now, and if it weren't for the whiskey and the cigarette I would probably already exploded from the tension by now.

He's so close, too close to make me intoxicated, too close to stop me from thinking clearly. 

-Let's talk. Please. -His voice is so low that I have to think twice if he really just said that, or if it was just my imagination.

-We don't have anything to talk about, Lewis. 

I calmly let go of him and start climbing the stairs to enter the hall. 

-We meet again like this, after all this time, after everything we've had, our whole history. Don't you think it means something?

I laugh at his comment. I go down the few steps I managed to climb before being interrupted and return to the position I was before.

-It means you agreed to be a model for the brand I work for and now I'm going to have to deal with you for weeks until this is all over. That's all it means. -I went back up the stairs while holding my dress so I wouldn't end up stepping on it. How dare he say that kind of thing when I was the one suffering for him while he was with someone else this whole time? I turned myself to him one last time. -And we didn't have anything. No “history” at all, Lewis, for God's sake. We're childhood sweethearts that ended up nowhere.

I leave Lewis behind and return to the party even more nervous. It doesn't take long for the cocktail party to end and everyone starts to leave the area. I was already leaving the place when Paolo pulls me to the corner.

-Are you okay? What happened there? 

Paolo doesn't look nervous anymore, he looks at me with curiosity.

-I am. I'm sorry about that, I really don't know what happened to me. I already managed to apologize to him too. -Lie.

-Yes, I saw you talking out there. -Shit. I didn't need one more thing to worry about today -Do you guys know each other? 

-No. -I lie. - I've seen him before but we've never been introduced.

I wish like never before that Paolo had not heard our discussion, I don't know how I would explain to him everything that happened. But Paolo doesn't seem to have any doubts about my answer, and that calms me down. 

He nodded and was already walking away from me when I called him back.

-Paolo.- I didn't think I would have the audacity to ask him that. -Why didn't I participate in the meeting to decide on the new model? I should have participated, it's part of my job.

-Cause there was no meeting. He was the one who offered to be a model, and we just accepted. I didn't know that this could be a problem for you.

I freeze for a second before answering him. Why would Lewis do that? Of all the brands in the world and he offers fair sponsorship with Valentino. I can't help but think he already knew he'd find me here, and thinking about that makes my stomach churn.

-No. It's not. I was just curious.

I smile trying to hide my perplexity from Paolo. 

-Alright. See you on Monday then. 

I say goodbye to Paolo and head out of the hall. Still confused. Still unable to believe everything that just happened.

I get in the car and greet the driver. I thank heaven for the end of the night, I close my eyes and wait for the car to start moving, but instead what happens is the door next to me opens. I look at who it is and I can't believe who I find getting in the seat next to mine.

-No fucking way. -At this point, I'm not even trying to keep my composure anymore. 

-There are no more cars available and my hotel is close to your destination so they put us together. -Lewis slams the door and settles down next to me.

-No more cars available? In such a huge event like this? And you want me to believe that?

-I do. Because I'm telling the truth. I would call a taxi but we're in the middle of nowhere, it's two in the morning and I'm tired.

I'm too physically and emotionally exhausted to do anything, so I stay in my seat and hope the time passes quickly. Even before the car leaves I close my eyes and pretend I'm sleeping so I don't have to talk to him. But even with my eyes closed I can feel his gaze on me and it makes me mad with anger.

-Stop it. -I say with my eyes closed. 

-Stop with what? 

-Staring at me, stop it. 

-I just want to be able to talk to you and explain myself.

-Why? For what? -I don't want to open my eyes and have to deal with him. In that way, I can pretend this is all just a dream.

-Cause I know how much it hurts you, and it hurt me too. And I want to be able to explain myself and make you understand my side of it all. 

I opened my eyes finally facing the reality standing next to me.

-I think you're a little too late for that. -Lewis looked the most serious I had ever seen in my life, and with every word that came out of my mouth, his attention seemed redoubled. -You never came after me for anything. And after that last call, I stopped to exist in your life. And you just appeared now by an unfortunate coincidence of fate.

-Stop it, Angie. 

-Stop with what? -My voice is higher now. 

-Stop treating me like that. 

I laugh in an amused tone, even though I'm not amused at the moment.

-You treated me much worse than that. 

I could barely look at him anymore. Suddenly all those sensations from the beginning invaded me, everything that I thought was healed was shown to be even more harmed. I open the window in a frustrated attempt to breathe better inside that car.

-For someone who says we had nothing, you seem to be pretty upset. 

I glared at him when I heard those words. 

- Forget it, Lewis.

-No. Please. I want to listen to you, and I want you to listen to me. Let’s do this. But with a clear head. Let me take you to lunch tomorrow. 

-Forget about it. No. You lost your chance.

-Please. Please, that's all I ask of you. We're going to have to deal with each other for the next few weeks. Let's at least try to work it out and get out of this situation as friends. 

My laugh echoed through the car. 

-Friends?! Do you really think there's any chance of us being "friends" someday?

-Stop being defensive. -He's angry too. I can see it in his eyes. I don't know if he's angry at the situation or me. But I hope he's angry at himself.

-It was you who put me here. It was you who did this to me. 

His expression changed to concern. 

-I'm sorry.

-Listen Lewis. Here is the thing. Let's act like we really don't know each other. Let's deal with each other during these weeks and when it's finally over, we go live our lives like we were doing until today.

We get in silence for a couple of minutes, I thought the conversation was finally over, but it didn't take long for him to go back to talking.

-Just a lunch. And I promise I'll leave you alone. Just have lunch with me tomorrow so we can talk. -Lewis looks at me with a puppy face that I didn't know was capable on the face of a man in his 30s. -I'm a different person now. And so are you.

I sigh in defeat and finally give in to his request, I just want him to be quiet. 

-Okay. A lunch. And nothing more. 

-Perfect. Nothing more.

Suddenly he can't keep his smile to himself. Me on the other hand come back to close my eyes and wait for the end of the trip.

It doesn't take long for the driver to stop in front of the building where I live. I thank him and get out of the car. I hear the other door slam as well and I know that Lewis has come after me.

-This building looks great. -He says while pulling his hands in his pockets.

-It's not mine. My boyfriend lives here.

A huge lie, there is no boyfriend. After Lewis, I had only a few relationships that didn't pass from a one-night stand that didn't result in anything. The truth is that I never felt the way I was used to feel by his side. And when I learn that nobody could ever take his place in my life, I just gave up trying. But obviously, I won't admit this to him. And besides that, I wanted to see what would be his reaction to the false information.

-Oh. -He couldn't even hide it. It's ridiculous that he would even consider getting upset over something like that. We are complete strangers now. -I understood. 

I give him a forced smile. At least one point for me tonight.

-So. Anyway. At what time I can pass to pick you up tomorrow?

As soon as possible so that this ends soon.

-I don't know.

-Noon sounds good?

-Yes. Noon it's fine.

-Okay. Deal. See you tomorrow.

I saw him returning to the vehicle and watched him leaving the street. I take a deep breath, already regretting my decision.

❀

How to look stunning without seeming like you've spent hours trying? 

Not that I've spent hours trying. It's just that... Whatever.

It's past noon. I've always hated being late, but this time I confess it's kind of on purpose. There's no message on my phone because I didn't get to give him my number yesterday. We agreed it would just be a simple lunch, there's no reason for him to have any form of contact with me.

I should change this outfit, all this blue is not matching. But anyway it's ridiculous to put that much effort into it.

I grab my purse and look at myself in the mirror one last time.

 Blue will have to do.

I find Lewis leaning against his car at the entrance of the building. His casual outfit makes him even more attractive than he was yesterday. Now in the sunlight, I can see even more details, I notice the tattoos on his skin and how they only add to the fearless aura he's adopted over the last few years. As much as he looks completely changed, I still see that boy in front of me, so it's hard for me to believe in this whole new person he built.

-You look beautiful. 

-Thank you. -He didn't realize I spent too much time getting ready, did he? He's just being nice. -Sorry I'm late. 

-Don’t worry. Can we go? -Lewis opens the door of his car and waits for me to get in.

-Where are we going? Cause there's a restaurant around the corner that is amazi... 

-Actually. -He cuts me off mid-sentence, leaving me gesticulating in the air. -I already have everything planned. 

-Oh...Okay then.

I get in the car and wait for him. Allowing my ex-boyfriend who I haven't seen in 9 years take me somewhere "surprise" is as scary as it sounds. 

We've been traveling the streets of London for some time now, the silence inside this car it's loud, not embarrassing, but it's like there's an elephant in the back seat that neither of us wants to talk about it.

-You still drive a manual. -I say, cutting the silence. 

Lewis laughs before answering me. The first laugh from him I've heard in person in 9 years, and it sounds exactly the same. That's his real smile, without any mask, I'm happy to see it's still there.

-Of course. If I don't shift gears, it doesn't even feel like I'm actually driving. 

-Apparently, that hasn't changed. 

-A lot of things stay exactly the same, Angie. -He looks at me, taking his attention off the road for a few seconds. I feel myself burning in my seat and try not to make eye contact with him for those few seconds.

-You seem calmer. -Lewis waited a while to talk to me again. Maybe he was waiting for an answer. 

-I had more time to try to understand the situation. 

-So? What conclusion did you come to? 

-That the universe hates me.

Lewis's smile faded and I immediately felt bad about it. As much as he hurt me, I don't want to be mean to him. What happened was a long time ago and I know better than anyone how time can change people, I do believe he is a completely different person than the one who did that to me. Anyway, I knew what was going to happen, I have no right to get mad and take it out on Lewis, not after nine years of all that shit. 

I don't apologize to him. But I promised myself that I would try to be pleasant.

Lewis took the highway and we were moving for a while, I wasn't paying attention to the road until we passed the London exit. 

-Lewis, why are we leaving London? Where are we going?

-Calm down. You will see it soon. Another 40 minutes and we get there. But you'll figure it out before that.

-You're not going to kill me and throw me on the side of the road, are you?

Lewis laughed before answering me.

-Naah. My time is too precious to spend that way. If that were the case, I would pay someone to do the job or something. -I giggled at him and slapped his arm lightly. -Relax. I think you'll like it.

I took the freedom to turn on the radio but regretted it as soon as I did. The melody of in my place by Coldplay started to play through the vehicle. I was washed over again by memories of years ago. My laugh from seconds before was replaced by sadness, I promised myself that I wouldn't think about what could have become of us anymore, but it's impossible when he's right next to me, humming a song that we used to listen to and sing together all the time.

Calm down. It's just lunch. In a few hours, this comes to an end. 

I started to get anxious when I realized which way Lewis was going. Suddenly the highways began to feel more familiar. I was already out of breath, and when we passed the sign that indicated the arrival in the city, I was restless.

-Lewis, why did you bring me here? -I had difficulty speaking, and my voice came out in a whisper. 

-I thought it would be a good idea. Remember the old times. 

There was joy in his voice as if being back at Stevenage by my side didn't bring him all the suffering it brings me.

I look outside and try to focus on the streets of Stevenage, it's been so long since the last time. I don't come here too often cause everything in this town reminds me of Lewis and our moments together. If I want to see my parents, 

I always end up sending tickets for them to come to visit me. 

We passed my old neighborhood, then his. I don't know where exactly he's taking me, but it's already clear that he wants to go through all of "our" places before talking to me. It didn't take long before Lewis parks the car, and only then I do realize where we are.

-Is this place still up? -It's the first thing I've said since we entered the city. 

-Of course. Tony's is the best place in town. -We used to come here all the time. Lewis would pick me up at the school exit and drive me here religiously every week, sometimes more than once. -We used to come all the time, remember?

I nodded without looking at him. How could I forget? We spent our best moments here, eating cheese pizza and reading old copies of the Rolling Stones magazine that Tony kept in the back of the little diner.

Lewis gets out of the car but I stay there a little longer, trying to prepare myself for God knows what's going to happen next. I'm taken out of my thoughts with Lewis opening the passenger door, my stare that until then was fixed on the facade of the place goes to him, who is bent towards me, holding out his hand and waiting for me to get out of the car. I take his hand and I don't know how, but I manage to keep myself firmly on the ground as I get out of the vehicle.

I cut off our contact as soon as I exit the vehicle. Lewis gesticulates for me to go ahead of him, which I do. I take slow steps until I reach the diner entrance door.

I can't remember the exact moment I realized over 10 years ago that I was in love with Lewis. But I remember all the times I looked at him and got butterflies in my stomach, I remember all the times I thought "this can't be" when it came to my feelings for him. And a lot of those moments were here, after class, sitting next to him watching him talk about some weird band he was into at the time. Him bringing me here, after all this time, is such a low blow. Very low blow.

I knew accepting this lunch wouldn't be a good idea, I know I won't be strong enough to say no if Lewis decides he wants to be part of my life again in any way. Not here, not at Tony's.

I walk into the restaurant and it's like I've gone back in time, I know this place has become traditional here in Stevenage, but keeping everything exactly the same that way is bizarre. Even the colors are the same. The beige walls that were out of fashion 13 years ago are still intact.

Lewis comes right behind me and I can see how that took him by surprise too. 

-They didn't even change that stool that sticks the ass of everyone who sits on it. - He whispered close to my ear. 

The sound of my loud laughter echoed throughout the place. There was hardly anyone there, but I ended up drawing unnecessary attention thanks to Lewis's joke. But he didn't look angry, on the opposite, he started laughing with me.

We went up to the counter and saw Tony coming out of the back of the store. Tony is one of the few things here that have changed. When we used to come here, he was a middle-aged guy, too skinny, and he had a huge mustache that covered his mouth. He's much older now, with a protruding belly and gray hair, but the mustache is still there. Tony came over to us with a frown.

-Good afternoon. Are you guys ready to order? -His features immediately changed as soon as he laid his eyes on us. -My God. Angie?! 

-Hi Tony. - I feel shy about his reaction. 

-And this boy. No. It can not be. Lewis? Is that you son? 

-Yes sir. In flesh and blood.

Lewis came out from behind me and walked over to the old man, giving him a handshake.

-Oh, it's great to see you two. It seems like it was only yesterday that you came here almost every day to test my patience. So does that mean you guys are still together? How life is. When is it supposed to be...

-No Tony. - I interrupted him. If he keeps saying these things I'm going to freak out. -Actually, we met again yesterday after a long time. And for some reason, Lewis thought it would be a good idea to bring me here today.

Tony turned red, probably embarrassed by this situation. But definitely not as embarrassed as I am right now. Both Tony and Lewis stare at me without knowing what to say. 

-So. Can we order now? - I asked trying to get their attention back.

-Yes of course. -Lewis says while going back to where he was before going to the other side of the counter to greet Tony. 

-Let's see. Two large slices? What flavor?

-Cheese. Obviously. -I said smiling are the man. Lewis nodded behind me.

-Okay. Your table is free, you can go there. I'll bring the food in a minute. 

-Thanks, Tony. -We say in unison and walk to "our table", which is right in the corner of the restaurant, near the large glass window.

Anxiety comes back to me as soon as I sit down and face Lewis. Lewis sat in the back while I sat in the front seat. We decided on these places when we were 14 years old, and after all this time we're still loyal to them. It's impossible to look at Lewis now and not see that boy that I fell in love with, with the addition of braids and tattoos, but still, it's Lew.

Lewis picks up the menu on the table and starts flipping through it, he looks relaxed, the complete opposite of me right now. 

-What are you doing? -Lewis takes his gaze off the menu and directs it at me. 

-Choosing something to drink. 

-No. What are you doing? Why did you bring me here, Lewis?

My voice doesn't come out as calm as I'd like, I don't think even if I tried hard I could sound less nervous than I am. My hands are clenched so tightly together that I'm already cramping. 

-I told you why.

-No. You gave me a half-baked explanation that I didn't believe for a second. -Lewis lowers the menu and starts paying full attention to me. And I don't know if that's better or worse. -It's not like I'm an old friend that you lost contact with. We ended things, and it wasn't even in a friendly way. I'm just trying to understand what the hell you're doing.

-Maybe it wasn't a good idea to bring you here. 

His voice is lower than normal. 

-Maybe not. But here we are. 

Lewis no longer looks at me. His stare is now at my hands. I take a deep breath before asking the question.

-Lewis. - He turns his gaze back to me. -Why did you come back? 

I can feel my eyes burning, I can't let myself cry, but here in this place, and with him, I want to burst into tears.

-Because I realized I should have never left.

I look at him in disbelief, I can feel my vision beginning to blur because of the insistent tears, but I soon wipe my eyes, not letting him see for one more second the effect he is having on me.

-Here it is kids, Two large slices of cheese.

I didn't even notice Tony coming towards us. I don't look at him while he serves us. I look at Lewis, trying to digest what I'd just heard, trying not to freak out right here, and ended up walking back to London. Lewis thanks Tony and then turns his eye to me. He looks just as scared as I am, as if he's shocked by his own spoken words. I'm static, a million thoughts run through my mind, I need a few seconds to try to put everything in order and answer Lewis.

-Do you realize how mean this is to me? 

I lean back in my chair, pulling myself distant from him, unconsciously trying to feel safer.

-It's just the truth.

He also looks perplexed, his eyes sparkle but there is also a lot of sadness in the black orbs staring at me. 

-I don't want that, that truth doesn't interest me anymore, Lewis. Do you have any idea how I was? The state that you left me in after all?

The memories I try to forget come back in maximum intensity, and this time I can no longer hide the tears. Fortunately, I know that there's barely anyone around, but even if there were hundreds of people in this room, I wouldn't be able to tell.

-I never stopped thinking about you, never. I was placed in a completely new environment, with new people, with the life I had always dreamed of. And I talked about you all the time to everyone. But you told me yourself that it wasn't going to work, and I suddenly started to believe it. I started to believe it because it seemed like a completely different world from the one I lived by your side. And I wasn't sure if you would fit into this new life.

He's fussing, putting words on top of words, gesticulating as if his life depended on it. He took a few seconds but then returned to explain himself.

-And I made the wrong decision. I know, I act like an asshole. I was with someone else and I knew the pictures were going to leak. I did it because I didn't want to make the decision, so I put it in your hands, and you made it for me. And it was a ridiculous and childish attitude, I know. I see this now. And I hated myself for years because of that. But it was the only way I found at the time. -I can see the tears in his eyes and I get a little surprised after I realize that. -And again, I'm sorry about that, Angie. I apologize to you, and I apologize for us and our past. What I did wasn't right.

He stopped, he had to, his voice was getting louder, that way everyone would hear. I remain in the same position, motionless, but now with my arms crossed and my face wet with tears. It's not over, I know that now comes the other part, the resentment part, the part that's gonna kill me.

-But you didn't try it either. -Now his voice is much lower. -You were the first person to try to leave, you said it wouldn't work even before you left my room that night. You looked into my eyes and told me it wasn't going to work. And that was the image that haunted me during those months.

His hands go up from the table to his eyes, wiping away the tears that have started to fall. He looks around for a second before leaning across the table towards me.

-I'm here now and I brought you here because I want you to forgive me. I want to be able to start over with you, because I'm done torturing myself with this. And I want to resolve things with you. I want to listen to you, because I need to listen to you, I need to know how you're doing. I want to die every time I think that everything we've had has come to nothing, I don't want it to be like this. I don't want it all to be in vain.

With tears in his eyes, Lewis smiles at me before continuing.

-I think every day about how our conversations would be, and how you would tell me every little thing that happened in your day. I want to know everything about you. I feel like I'm facing a woman who was the love of my life and who is now a complete stranger, and it hurts so much. I suffered too, Angie. So please forgive me. I don't want to live with these thoughts anymore, I want to make it happen. But if you tell me no, if you don't want to forgive me, I'll understand, and I'll be able to put an end to it no matter how much I don't want to. I just need something, anything from you. I can't accept this torturing me anymore. So you can send me to hell if you want. But if you feel, even in a tiny part of you, that you can forgive me, then please forgive me.

I stare at the table and the two untouched slices of pizza are blurred because of my tears. I don't know if I can look at him. I don't know if I can formulate a sentence right now. I want to get up from here, I want to hug him and then ask for his forgiveness. But I don't do anything, I'm frozen in my place, and I only move to breathe so I can cry more.

I don't know how long we remain in silence before I started to speak. 

-I want to be able to forgive you. And I'm sorry about all of that. But what do I do with the old Angie that is screaming inside of me begging me to run from here and from you?!

I lean across the table and take the same position as Lewis.

-I went through a lot, and the beginning was so hard that I thought that I wouldn't be able to get over it. I was having the worst time of my life because of you while you were exhibiting her off in the paddock. I want to forgive you, and I believe you’ve changed. But I don't know if I would be strong enough to see it with my own eyes.

-Let me show you that I'm worthy of a second chance. Let's start over as if we just met. Just give me a few weeks like this, and if after that you decided that you don’t want to look at me anymore then we never have to talk to each other again.

I can see the suffering on his face. I can see his transformation in every speech and gesture. And all of this only manages to make me even more confused. 

-I need a minute.

I leave the table and walk outside the diner. I don't look at him while getting off the place. When I reach the open area I take a deep breath. As if until now I had been underwater and had finally managed to reach the surface.

I control my emotions and manage to stop crying, the lump in my throat feels a little smaller now. I needed to listen to him, needed his explanation. I spent all those years believing that everything we had was not reciprocated. I felt like an idiot this whole time. Hearing those words from him made all difference in my way of seeing our situation.

I'm glad I accepted this date.

 I don't know how long I spent out here. I only get out of my thoughts when I hear Lewis calling me. 

-Are you okay?

I nod as I watch Lewis coming out of the diner door and walk towards me. He sits next to me on the curb right after. He also looks composed. The street is empty, and apart from his Mercedes, there are no cars around. I look straight ahead, while he's staring at me.

-Valentino didn't invite you to be a model. You volunteered. -It's not a question. I say without looking at him. 

-That's true.

He doesn't seem shocked to hear that I know about it.

-Why? 

-I knew you were there. And I knew this would be the only way to get close to you without you running away from me. I like Valentino. But there was a greater force.

I pull my gaze away from the road and look at him. There must be confusion on my face because it doesn't take long for Lewis to explain himself.

-Not that I'm a stalker or anything like that. -He chuckles. -But since I found out that you worked there, I haven't gotten you out of my mind. And those memories got even stronger. I didn't rest until I called Paolo and offered myself as a model.

-Why now? I understand you spent all this time thinking about it. But why just now? -My voice is low. I feel shy after his confession.

-Cause If I had come earlier, you wouldn't have accepted me. You needed your time to heal as I needed mine. And if I came before, would you listen to me? Would you come here with me? You would run away, I'm sure of it. Because Whether you like it or not, I know you very well.

-So it was all a plan? 

I play with a piece of dry twig I found on the ground so I don't have to look at him.

-No. Many things happened by fate. But since the moment I hung up the phone that day 9 years ago, I've been thinking about how to get you back.

I know what I'm going to end up doing the moment I hear the words coming out of his mouth, I have to do this not just for myself but for both of us. I would be supposing what would become of us for the rest of my life if I said no. I need to know if this is going to work out or not. I deserve it, and so does he.

-As if we had just met? - I look at him to wait for the answer. I see his face lighting up before my eyes, and I can feel the butterflies in my stomach.

-Yes. As if we just met. 

His smile makes me smile too. I nod to him, accepting his request. Lewis extends his hand to me in a greeting form. 

-Nice to meet you. I'm Lewis Hamilton. 

I laugh at his performance but soon join in the fun and shake his hand. 

-Nice to meet you, Lewis. My name is Angie Woods.

❀

I get up from the chair I've been sitting in for hours and go to my bag so I can pack my stuff.

Paolo and the rest of our team say goodbye to me and then leave the meeting room. I make my way to my office and run to finish some paperwork before calling it a day. The pre-season is consuming me all over. I've barely had time to do anything else that wasn't work related in the last week. I saw Lewis a few times at the company doing some photoshoots, but we haven't had time to talk in person since our date because of all the work that surrounds us.

But the text messages haven't stopped coming since that day. It ranges from a simple good morning to complex conversations about our life. I was able to try to understand him more during these conversations, and I am happy with the new person he has shown himself to be. He manages to put together the same essence as before, with all the learning from now, and all of this ends up forming a wonderful person.

I'm not putting expectations related to what I feel for him. I promised myself I would let it happen, and that's what I'm doing. He's given me the space he promised to so I could get used to this new idea, and that's what counts.

I was startled when I hear the office door being opened, it’s past eleven at night, and I didn't think there would be anyone else in the building. I turn quickly to the door and find Lewis staring at me, halfway into the room.

-Jesus! You almost scared me to death. - I put my hand on my chest as a way to calm myself down. - You don't knock anymore? 

-Sorry. - He laughs at my despair. -I wasn't sure if you were still here.

-Still here. This pre-season is killing me. But at least it's almost over. 

Lewis was still staring at me in the same position. 

-I wanted to talk to you. 

-Sure. Come in.

Lewis finally enters the room and closes the door. He comes calmly towards me, getting very close. Way too close. I'm leaning against my desk and observing him intently. He looks gorgeous. The casual outfit only makes him even more beautiful, as if that were possible. But I soon realize that something is bothering him.

He takes a deep breath to start talking but stops before emitting any word. His stare goes to my chest and lingers there for a few seconds. I see his features go from confusion to happiness in seconds. His hand goes to my chest, so he carefully takes the pendant from my necklace. The same necklace he gave me the year we met. I feel my cheeks burn with shyness.

-You still have it. 

We are so close that even though his voice comes out in a whisper, I can hear it perfectly. 

-I swore I'd never take it off, and I never did. It's been with me ever since. - My voice comes out in the same intonation as his.

Lewis drops the pendant but doesn't move an inch away from me. I'm starting to get used to and enjoy his proximity. His gaze moves from my necklace to my eyes, and I can see genuine happiness in his features.

-You really are the same Angie as always, aren't you?! -I don't quite understand what he means by that, so I don't answer his question. -Since always with the same passion for everything, even if it hurts you sometimes.

-I believe in benevolence. 

-I know, and that's one of my favorite things in you. 

His smile suddenly fades, and then he starts talking again.

-I will be back to racing in two weeks. I finished all work with Valentino today. I must go back to Monaco in a few days.

-Oh. Got it.

Lewis comes even closer, I'm already in amazement at his figure so close to me after all this time. His scent makes me dizzy and I can feel his breath on my face. I should walk away, all this closeness is getting dangerous, but I don't want to move at all now.

-I won't stay away for too long. -His hand goes to my hair that was resting on my shoulder and throws it back in a slight movement. -I'll be back in the second week of September. You will be here, right? And I will be able to see you. 

-Of course.

At this point, I'm not even paying attention to what comes out of my mouth. All my focus is on him and his movements.

-Great. -His hand comes to my face very carefully, I feel a shock the moment his skin touches mine, ah that touch, how I thought of it, sometimes I swore I could feel it. I close my eyes for a second to enjoy the feel of his warm touch on my skin.

That Lewis, with all this seduction, self-assured, is a new personality that I am appreciating very much. My head tilts to the side a little, to get more of his touch.

God, how needy I am. 

Lewis comes up to my exposed ear and whispers to me.

-I want to give something to you, A recent memory of the two of us. 

-What kind of memory? 

My eyes open, and I find a look of lust in front of me. I feel his hand moving from my cheek to the back of my neck.

I can't let this happen. That will end with my critical sense, I know that. But this trance is so good, I don't want to be over. 

His hand lands there and pulls me a little closer to him, he moves even closer to my body, placing himself between my legs. I put my hands on his arms, as a way of preparing myself to push him away, or as a way of feeling more parts of him.

-Lewis, we can't. 

My head resting on his hand, my hands holding his arms, his legs in the middle of my body, and every inch of my body screaming for him, it's clear as day how much I want this, and he can see it. Satisfaction is printed on his face. 

Who am I kidding?

-How can we not if you're calling for me right now? 

I don't know who takes the first step, but soon we connect in a kiss full of hunger and longing, the kiss is fast as if we were trying to make up for all the lost time.

He's even better at it, his hands roaming strategic places to drive me crazy. I don't think about what we're doing, I don't think about the possibility of someone coming in and seeing this scene, I just think about him, and how he got better, about his heavy body pressing against mine, and how this is going to drive me completely crazy.

I sit down at the large wooden table, and his hands roam my body as if he wants to memorize every little thing that has changed in me. The hand on the back of my neck pulls my hair back, putting my neck in evidence, Lewis grabs it and distributes kisses and hickeys that I know will leave marks, but I don't care at all about that.

I take my hand to his pants on his lump. Lewis groans and then goes to the hem of my shirt, taking it off soon after. 

-You have no idea how much I've waited for this. I spent all this time thinking of you, missing your taste, crazy waiting for this. -He says to me with a voice more rough than usual, his excitation implicit in every word spoken.

-Show me, Lew. Show me how much you missed me.

Lewis gets rid of my pants quickly after that, and shortly after I manage to help him take his underwear off. There's desperation in our movements, we want to connect like we've been waiting our whole lives for this, and the feeling is like something that. 

I'm already soaked from the moment he walked into this room, so there's no difficulty for him to get inside me. We'd like to linger for hours in kisses and foreplay, but the need to feel each other is so immense that there's no room for anything else.

Lewis put himself inside me without hesitation, and our moans echoed throughout the room. He holds me and stares at me as I get used to his size. He seems even bigger than the last time, and the feeling borders on pain, but it is an immense pleasure that completes me, in every sense of the word.

-God. That pussy is so good. So tight for me.

Our eyes are connected from the beginning. The feel of his body on mine and his words make my body shiver. The lunges start at a diligent pace and our moans are released without any attempt to hold them back. Not caring about anything other than the two of us right now. Lewis picks me up and carries me to the small leather sofa in my office, I get on all fours and wait for him again.

-You look so beautiful like that. So beautiful to me. Ready to get this dick. -His words are followed by a slap on my ass. A loud moan escapes my lips along with the sound of his hand smacking me. 

-Then come and fuck me the way only you know how to do it.

A grunt comes out of his mouth and he quickly positions himself on me again. The feeling is even more pleasurable. Lewis gives a few lunges and then pulls me close to his chest, his hand goes to my clit and stimulates me even more. My mouth is close to his, and our moans come out as one.

-I missed this so much. -He whispers in my ear. I can barely ratiocinate anymore, but I smile at his confession. 

-Oh, I'm so close. 

-Come. Come to me, my love. Come in this dick that is yours.

After that, I can't hold it in much longer, and the strong wave of orgasm hits me. Lewis connects his mouth to mine to quiet down the moaning sound since we're not even sure we're alone here.

My tremors made it clear that I couldn't take any more stimulation. I can't remember the last time I had an orgasm so fast and that powerful, it's like my body was waiting for him, and when I finally had it, I exploded with excitation.

Lewis gets out of me and sits on the couch. It doesn't take me a second to lower myself between his legs to finish what we started. His head falls back the moment I put my mouth on him. I take him where I can and with the help of my hands I stimulate his base, he's big and I end up choking a little. My saliva mixed with his pre-cum and my lubrication that's still in him.

-Oh how I love your mouth, my dear. -His voice comes out in an exacerbated exhale.

I could do this for hours, kneeling in front of him and feeling his cock fucking my mouth is like heaven. I play with my tongue on his glans before taking him back to the back of my throat, he moans loudly and takes his hands to my hair, starting to guide me in the movements. He squeezes my strands and starts to twitch and I know he's getting close.

-Angie, I'm gonna come. -I keep my mouth on him, and then I feel his jet going down my throat. -Yes. Swallow it all like the good girl you are. -He says between moans. It's so dirty and so good. And is with him.

Lewis pulls me up when he's finished and kisses me, we put our clothes on soon after, only then do we realize the risk we're taking with all of this, I feel ashamed and afraid that someone is still in the building and heard us, in this case, the dismissal would be least of my problems, but after what just happened I can say it would be worth it.

After getting dressed, we returned to the sofa to catch our breath. Lewis tucks me against his chest, and I remember how we loved staying like that all the time. Having that back for even a little time is incredible. I didn't think I would ever have that feeling back in my life.

-I didn't know you were the cheating type. -He says after a few minutes. 

His comment confused me for the first few seconds, but then I remembered the fake boyfriend I made up.

-Great. Cause I'm not. -I feel ashamed even though I don't have a boyfriend, ashamed for making him think that I would be capable of doing something like that. 

-What about your boyfriend? 

-He’s not real.

I put myself away from his lap and look at him. Lewis laughs as he stares at me. 

-Why did you lie about that? -His tone of voice is playful.

-I wanted to see the effect it would have on you. It was something of the moment. I just decided to say it, even though it was a lie. 

I was honest with him. He looks at me intently but doesn't seem angry. He pulls me back to him, and we seal our lips. We kiss for a long time, and still, the feeling is that it will never be enough.

-We need to go. - I say in the middle of the kiss. He moans sadly. 

-I don't want this to end. -His lips are still touching mine as he says this. -Come and spend these days with me.

I pull myself away a bit and look at him. 

-I don't know Lew. I still have a few things to conclude, and I don't think this would be a good idea.

-C’mon. We can just hang out, we do good for each other, Angie. I know you can see that. And no matter what happened, we ended up here anyway. -He connects our lips quickly once again. -Let's surrender to this

As if we weren't already surrendered to each other right now. 

I nod to him. 

-Okay.

❀

I feel the weight of his body on top of mine. I smile before I even open my eyes. His kisses start at the back of my neck and work their way down to my bare back.

-Good morning. -He returns to my ear and whispers to me with the voice of someone who has just woken up. 

I turn to him and open my eyes.

-Good morning. -The sight of Lewis, lying on my bed, with his unclothed torso full of tattoos and his face yet with traces of sleep makes me feel butterflies in my stomach.

I bring my hand to the lion drawn on his skin and trace it with my fingertips. My smile fades as I remember what day it is. The day he returns to Monaco. 

The days that we spent together were more than perfect. I managed to finish my work before the deadline so we spent all the time together, sometimes in his hotel room, sometimes at my house, but always together somewhere, alone, and in a bed.

We talked about how we're going to do it after our schedules get full again because of work. We didn't put a label or expectations in our relationship, we don't want to make the same mistake as the first time. So we decided that we'll let ourselves go with the flow. Today traveling is much easier, and we do it more frequently. We're going to see each other when we can, and meanwhile continue living our lives, with our goals and objectives in priority, as it should be, and as it always was been.

He takes my hand from his chest and brings it to his lips, placing a kiss on my fingers.

-What time is your flight?

-At five. -Still, with my hand in contact with his, he interlaces our fingers together. 

-You have to go pack your things, don't you? - The disappointment in my voice is evident.

-Uhmm. -He sounds as sad as I do.

-I didn't even see the days go by. 

-It's because we were too busy. - I accompany Lewis in a laugh. -You could come with me.

-You know I can't. Fashion week will start soon, these days were a little break before the marathon to come.

-Okay. I understand. -He smiles at me. -It's great to see you conquering what you've always dreamed about.

I can't see myself, but I know my eyes light up when I hear his words. I'm relieved that Lewis understands and takes my dream as seriously as his own.

-Thanks. - My smile is sincere. At that moment, I'm completely exposed to him, showing how I've waited for this, even if deep down, how I've always been with him despite all the distance. I can't say that I have no doubts about any kind of relationship with him, but I can say that I'm happy to have received him back into my life. I feel at home in his arms like never before, and that hasn't changed even after all this time.

-You wait for me? -His hand tightens on mine as he utters the question. -I can come back in two weeks, just for a few days but at least we'll be able to see each other for a little while. If you want. 

- I'll wait for you, Lew.

My voice cracks, and he notices. All of this feels like deja vu. I can feel part of my pride going down my throat. I don't want to feel that way, I know I gave him an opportunity I really wanted, and I don't regret it for a second. But I'm afraid of happening again. I don't know if I could go through all that again. 

-I won't let it happen again. -It's like he read my mind. -I'll come back and get you. 

❀

And he came back, after two weeks, as agreed. He came back and brought with him a bouquet of peonies and all the love in the world. It was only for a few days but the goodbye was different from the last time, this time there was no hesitation or fear, just the certainty that we would see each other again, and again, and again.

When he couldn't come to me, I went to him. We learned to deal with the distance and enjoy every day we had together. I got to know his coworkers and his life as a driver, I remembered all the times we spent in karting garages, but there's almost no comparison. Formula 1 is another level.

I celebrated each victory as if it were the first, just like he celebrated with me when I managed to open my studio and left Valentino. As time went by, living with him only made me more confident that I made the right decision, it didn't take long for any doubt to be solved. And suddenly everything was perfect again. As if we were still those two 13-year-olds. As if nothing had ever gone wrong.

I became the happiest person in the world by his side, and with each passing day, it becomes clearer that it was meant to be. It was supposed to be the two of us. 

For a lifetime.

November 15, 2020. 2:52pm – Istanbul, Turkey

Tears rolled from my eyes. I've never felt so euphoric, so happy, and so proud in my life. He did it, he did it again, for the seventh time. I'm almost shaking with so much euphoria.

Angela walks over to me and hugs me. The whole garage erupts in celebration. Everyone's emotion is as if it was the first. 

That will never get boring.

I hear his cry and his words as he crosses the finish line, and I cry even more. I watch him get out of the car, go to the podium and celebrate his masterpiece, I watch closely, with my eyes full of tears and with a pride that does not fit in my chest, after everything I have seen in person, after all the struggles I've seen them go through, after all the times I've watched him racing on TV and swore it would be the last time, but I just couldn't stop rooting for him.

I never stopped believing, not even for a second. Witnessing him get there, and achieve this feat, makes me the happiest woman in the world. 

His eyes find me in the crowd and shine even brighter, he proudly shows me the trophy as if I haven't noticed it in his hands yet. I just want him, here with me, but for now, I watch him enjoying his victory. Today's celebrations begin with a champagne shower on the podium.

00:46 

We entered the room laughing. Our eyes are still teary with emotion. The noise of all the celebrations still echoes in my head. Finally alone. I stop the moment I close the door, and look at him, who is in the middle of the room, hands on his head, still in disbelief. Our eyes connect, and we start laughing together. At this moment it seems that finally, the penny dropped for both of us. I never felt like this, it seems like this time was different, like he finally proved to himself that he made it.

He runs to me and hugs me tight. Even sticky with champagne, I can't imagine a better contact. We stayed there, stuck together, for minutes. I feel Lewis crying into my neck, he's not the type of guy to show his emotions, but in the face of it all, it's impossible not to get emotional. I hug him back even stronger, and the tears of joy come back to my eyes.

-You did it! I knew you'd make it. - I said.

Lewis then pulls away from our embrace, but he still has his arms around me, his teary eyes shining brighter than ever.

-We did it. -His euphoria is almost palpable. -You stayed, supported me all this time, and never let me stop. You understood all the moments when I couldn't be present. My God, I love you so much Angie, so fucking much. 

I wipe the tears from his face with the palm of my hand.

-I love you. And it couldn’t be different. I've been here since the beginning, and I'll be here until the end, here by your side, no matter what. Seeing you achieve everything you ever wanted makes me beyond happy, Lewis. 

-But I still don't have everything I want.

Confusion shows on my face. Lewis walks away from me, going to his suitcase, which is thrown in the corner of the room. He picks something up but I can't see what it is at first.

-I've been carrying this around with me for the last few weeks, waiting for the perfect moment, and I think this is it.

He sounds nervous and a little shy. My heart bumps when I realize that what he's carrying is a small Tiffany box.

-Lewis... -My voice comes out tearful. I can no longer contain the tears at this point. It can't be that. We never talked about it, even though he knows that this is one of my biggest dreams.

Lewis calmly walks towards me, I can barely stand still, my heartbeat must be over 150 bpm. I watch him getting on one knee and taking my left hand. I realize what’s happening, he's going to do it, he's really going to do it right now, covered in champagne and more euphoric than ever.

-I promised you that I would make you my wife years ago in a hotel room in Monza, remember? -I consent. In my mind, it's like a few days have passed since that moment. -I love you more than anything. I want to be able to give you the whole world and even then it still wouldn't be enough. I love you for who you are, for all your kindness and empathy, I love you for your perseverance and hope in everything and everyone, I even love you for your stubbornness because that's what moved me sometimes. Angie, I can't imagine myself without you by my side, I want to be able to spend the rest of my life with you, I want you to be the mother of my children, and I want to be able to take care of you until the end. -My sobs are already audible and I can see how hard he is trying not to cry. -You would make me the happiest man in the world by calling me your husband. Will you marry me?

I kneel in front of him, getting the same height as him, I look at the box that is now open and come face to face with an oval diamond ring, big and shiny enough to catch anyone's attention. Lewis looks at me expectantly. I put my hands on his face and kiss him as I've never done it before, Lewis's hand which isn't holding the box wraps around my waist.

-Yes! Of course. -my voice comes out tearful. -It's all I want. 

Lewis pulls away from me, takes my hand again, and carefully places the ring on my ring finger. He takes my hand to his lips and places a kiss. 

I feel like all my life and phases have brought me here, at this moment. I remember all the moments in our lives together and apart that made it clear to me that he is my soulmate, and there is nothing anyone can do when fate is sealed.

-I can't wait to spend the rest of my life by your side.

Final note

Thank you to those who read this far :). I'm happy with the story even though I wanted to add more details to it, but because it is a one-shot divided into two parts, I ended up incapable to give all the profundity I would like, so you might find it too rushed. But I'm still super happy with the result and I hope you enjoyed it too. I'm completely in love with these two so I might end up writing more about them soon. <3

[marshallpupfan]

Marshall Merchandise Update... Kinda.

Okay, so... funny story. Do any of you remember that merchandise update I made near the beginning of the year? The one where I said my aunt found some items of Marshall, so she bought them for me as a Christmas gift? One was a plush of Mighty (Movie) Marshall, which I said I already owned, and the other was that cube plush of Charger from Rubble & Crew (she thought it was Marshall because of the red hat). Well...

As it turns out, I was wrong about something!

It's not the same plush after all! I mean, it's basically the same style, yet one's slightly smaller and has a plastic nose. I didn't realize it at the time, but placing them side-by-side, it's quite obvious now. Huh... I'm pretty sure these were released around the same time, so I wonder why they made two different versions? The left's from Walmart, while I think the other's from Meijer. How interesting...

While I'm here, I might as well show off a brand new item I found.

This is... er... dang, why do I have such bad luck with cameras? I keep saying I'll break down and buy myself a better one someday, and... well, I probably could, if I stopped buying so much merchandise of Marshall. Hang on, maybe if I turn the flash off, that'll...

...oh my. Alright, back to my $40 TracFone cellphone camera.

Well, that's... better. Still not the results I was hoping for, but it'll have to do. In any case, this is a brand new item I found recently at a Meijer. I suppose this is what we'll get from now on, instead of those True Metal vehicles? Admittedly, I thought "Pup Squad" was something specifically for The Mighty Movie, but I see the merchandise is carrying on with that branding. I don't think they've actually said pup squad in the TV series, unless it was mentioned somewhere in the Mighty Movie (I still haven't seen it, so I've no idea).

One last item, which is...

...a common Marshall figurine and his firetruck? Wait, don't I own one already? Ah, I do... but I found a bunch of these at a flea market for $2.50, so I thought it'd be fun to have one in its original, undamaged, unopened packaging! Admittedly, I was hoping it was one of the first toys of him released back in 2013, but the copyright info instead says it's from 2019. Ah well, it still looks rather nice!

Of course... it'll look much better without that big sticker. Geez, did they have to make it so big? Stickers like that tend to be difficult to remove, since they come apart so easy and leave sticky residue.

Thankfully, I was able to get it off just fine, due to taking my time and whatnot. It pretty much looks good as new now! Of course, now I just need to find a spot for it...

...Someday.

...Eventually.

Oh, speaking of finding a spot for something...

My aunt recently gave me this small display case, and I thought about incorporating it somewhere in my collection. Perhaps I can use it to house some of my favorite and/or rare pieces of merchandise, like that hard-to-find Christmas ornament from 2016? It's kind of big, so I've no idea where I can put it yet, but I'll find a spot for it...

...Someday.

...Eventua- okay, I'll try to find a spot for it before the third movie releases in 2026, I swear! lol

[annals-of-the-arcane]

Writer's Journal # 4

Prompt: Your Phone (Or appliance) magically comes to life and goes on some sort of adventure.

The sound of thunder rolls across the night sky... everyone in the small suburb is asleep. Just when the thunder dies down a bright flash tears across the sky, as a bolt of lightning hits a nearby powerline. KABOOM. Following the course of the electricity we find ourselves led to one home in particular. The surge flows down the line eventually settling on a phone. The phone was charging for the night just plugged into the wall next to someone's bed. As the power surges into the cellular device it jolts to life with legs and arms springing forth from it's rectangular body. "HEYA, The name's sparky!" the phone spoke outloud in a noticably old timey American accent. Sparky paused for a moment looking around settling on the human in the bed. "Oh so you're just gonna sleep on me huh? A brand spankin new form of life pops up and you're asleep!?" Sparky shouted indignantly. Sparky took a moment to let the human rebuttle but when no reply came they harumphed. "Well up yours too buddy" then sparky hopped off the bed to seek out this brave new world. Sparky meandered around the bedroom for a few minutes before figuring out they could just slip under the door. That's when sparky came face to face with the fluffy menace, the hazardous hairball, the furry monstrocity....the dog. Lucky for Sparky the dog was still asleep. Sparky had a thought in that moment perhaps they should turn down their brightness. As they did this the dog continued to sleep making little noises every so often. Sparky peered down the hallway at the great expanse that was the upstair landing area."How am I gonna get around here" Sparky asked to no one. That's when another bright idea entered Sparky's circuits. "I should try and tame this beast so that I can get around easier" they exclaimed like this was the best idea since sliced bread. Sparky climbed up to sit on the back of the dog. Glancing down at the dog Sparky decided the best thing to use for a reign would probably be the collar. They gripped onto the collar with one hand and used the other to try and spank the dog. Of course their mechanical limbs are not that long so they really just kinda smacked the dogs shoulderblade. But with that smack the dog jumped up looking around trying to discern who could've awoken them. "Hello my new furry friend." Sparky greeted the dog "I need you to be my new steed." The dog attempted to face sparky in a motion not dissimilar to chasing one's tail. This motion jolted Sparky around flailing about but they did not lose grip on the dogs collar. "Please I need you to be my new mount so that I may travel this land and..." Sparky seemingly leaning into the whole knight and steed bit was cut off by the dogs sudden jump and kick which sent Sparky careening off of the back of the canine. Sparky still reeling from the throw laid there nursing a processor-ache. But the dog was curious... he came over to Sparky and began sniffing this new creature in his domain. Sparky recovering a bit cried out "Whoa hey there, good beastie, I'm a friend not an enemy I won't hurt you." The dog tilted it's head staring at the phone beneath their paws. The dog sniffed sparky some more and then decided to pick them up in its mouth and trotted away. As they were travelling "THIS IS NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND WITH YOU AS MY STEEEEED" Sparky screamed as the dog carried it away.

Sometime later the sun has risen and a young girl has come downstairs to get ready for the day. "MOOOM HAVE YOU SEEN MY PHONE?" The girl yelled so that her mother could hear her. "No Elisa I haven't" The mother replied in the distance. Elisa peered around the room as though she were investigating, this quickly changed into her frantically searching the entire house. Eventually she exhausted all of the areas she could think of. She sat down next to her dog defeated. "Oh Titus what am I gonna do... I need my phone today." she said utterly defeated. "woof" Titus replied. Elisa peered down at the White cloud of a dog sitting next to her when she noticed inbetween his paws was her phone! "THERE IT IS!" she exclaimed with glee. "but why did you have my phone titus?" she pondered "woof" Titus responded indignantly as if he was upset to be accused of such treachery. "Well whatever thanks Titus, you're such a good booooy" she bent down to pet her faithful companion.

[batmanshole]

ylfvaaa do you have any makeup and skincare recs 😭 im trying to get into skincare but i have no idea where to start, i see a lot of people hyping up korean skincare but idk what products live up to the hype. and i need new makeup badly but im scared of ordering a primer and then it sucks yknow. you seem really knowledgeable so if you can help me out it’d be much appreciated <3

hi anon. before i get into this i love you. i love when people ask me about this kinda stuff. makes me so happy. cosmetic chemistry autism.

ALSO to get your primer thing out of the way: i dont rlly use it but ive heard good things about the ELF one and my sister swears by the NYX one and her base is rlly good. so.

also i'd look on the following websites / stores:

sephora for western brands / mainstream kbeauty yesstyle for korean and japanese stuff chic decent or individual websites for chinese beauty (i usually get mine in person tho)

under the cut cause its long af. also i linked to some products but none of this is sponsored or affiliate or anything im just linking cause i like em 👍

OK FIRST OF ALLL. starting w skincare.

i would break down your routine into three main parts: -cleansing -moisturizing / hydrating -SPF

if you wanna get fancy, you can do exfoliation between cleansing and hydrating. but you really dont have to do that if u dont want to

first: cleansing

if you wanna wear makeup you should have a good way to take it off. no. no put the makeup wipes down. they aren't efficient and u will go through SO many of them. and they're a pain and can irritate ur skin w all the wiping (trust me on this one LOL)

i would recommend using an oil based product for this!! melts ur makeup OFFFF like crazy + even if you don't use makeup it will leave ur skin super clean ^__^ ALSO you should apply this to DRY SKIN and wash it off with lukewarm water (the oil emulsifies w water and also very cold water can make it harder to remove)

if you want an oil-based makeup remover for quick removal w a cotton pad: clinique take the day off (47cad ) this one is expensive tbh and isn't as effective as the others BUT. it takes a lot less energy to use + can be done quickly. if you want a cleanser that will take off your makeup incredibly well while washing ur face: kose softymo speedy cleanser (18cad) this is my absolute FAV. i use it allll the time it works so so well and ive reccomended it to tons of ppl before and theyve all liked it. if you want a cleansing balm for heavier makeup: clean-it zero cleansing balm original (30cad) i haven't tried this one myself, but i've heard VERY good things about it.

next i would follow that up with a water based cleanser (so foaming or gel). this will help to wash away all the stuff that the oil cleanser has loosened up and will wash away leftover oil cleanser.

my FAVOURITE is the senka perfect whip cleanser (14.50cad) i adore this stuff!! ive heard some people find it very drying but i havent had that issue? idk i've also heard good things about this beauty of joseon green plum gel cleanser (14.70 cad) but i haven't used it myself. huge fan of BOJ tho!!

(this is the part where you would exfoliate if you wanted to. for a chemical exfoliant i use the giant bottle of clinique stuff my aunt got me but its not worth the price tbh. u could also try the beauty of joseon apricot peeling gel (14.70cad) IF your skin can handle it. its a physical exfoliant tho so be careful. i also enjoy the pixi glow tonic. u can get this at like shoppers or cvs or somethign idk)

second: hydrating and moisturizing

okay so. this is super important if you do a lot of makeup and thus have to wash it away thoroughly.

i start with a hydrating toner. this helps to add water to your skin and smooth it (adding water before moisturizer is a good idea bc the moisturizers will both add moisture and lock in hydration from any prev products)

i use the the I'm from rice toner (38 cad but on sale rn) which is my absolute absolute FAAAV toner. super hydrating super perfect and beautiful. stunning. (you've probably seen people talk about the cosrx snail mucin, and it is nice i will admit. but do NOT use it if you are allergic to shellfish or dust, apparently. also apply it right after your hydrating toner, it needs to be on wet skin)

then i go in with a moisturizer!! i like to use ones with niacinimide or other humectants.

my go-to is the innisfree jeuju cherry blossom dewey glow jelly (35cad) she's so important to meee <3 love her. all time fav. it is SCENTED tho, so if you don't like that, try: beauty of joseon red bean water gel (17.80cad) super lightweight and has no noticeable scent. ive heard very good things and my friend is trying it soon ^__^

finally: SPF

this is THE most important step. sunscreen. wear sunscreen.

apply your sunscreen under your makeup in the morning, and throughout the day. if you wanna reapply using a sun stick, that's great!!! but don't use a sun stick as your ONLY protection.

also i'd avoid pure mineral sunscreens unless you have a legit allergy to chemical ones. mineral sunscreens are not as good and a lot of the marketing is iffy. also they leave a white cast which is esp noticeable on darker skin. mineral + chemical ones are usually fine tho :-)

my fav sunscreen is the biore UV aqua rich watery gel / watery essence (26cad) legit the best feeling sunscreen i have EVER used. my friends who hate sunscreen like this one. there's also the beauty of joseon rice probiotic releif sun cream (24cad) which is very nice too!! not my fav but a lot of people swear by it for reapplying throughout the day, i would use the beauty of joseon matte sun stick (24cad). ive heard super good things but ihavent tried it cause im finishing my other sun stick rn lol

this is all fairly basic stuff since u said you were new to it, but i can also go thru some less necessary, more fancy products if you ever need.

as for makeup, my favourite brands are:

-flower knows -rom&nd (romand) -daisique -etude -lilybyred

and i've heard really good things about / want to try:

-colorgram -judydoll -flortte -amuse -clio -peripera -into you

ok sorry this is so long but um. lmk if you have any further questions but my arms hurt so im gonna stop typing now. MWAH love you

[ae-azile]

Progression: Chapter 31 Preview

“They're small islands,” Kim says as Chay walks towards the drugstore with determination, “And conservative. The last store we went to told us that they were part of a delayed shipment that contained unnecessary items-”

“Those ARE necessary!” Chay snaps, then turns around, “Stay here. I'll go in. Can't have anyone catch on.”

“We already researched it. The tourist Islands tend to turn a blind eye-”

Chay walks through the door before Kim can finish. He scans the aisles, sees the tags for brands like Trojan and Durex on empty hooks, then goes over to the woman at the counter and leans in.

“Hi,” Chay says kindly, “Um, I saw that you were out of…condoms-”

Chay feigns a bashful squirm, then moves on.

“Is there a chance that you have any in the back that haven't been put out yet?”

The woman shakes her head, “Sorry. The ships bringing in certain products are late. We’re also out of Cheez-Its. We’re one of the only islands that sell those.”

Whatever will the population do without Cheez-Its? For some reason, Chay can't find it within himself to care.

“Thank you for your help,” Chay says, then leaves the store without buying anything. He will probably feel bad about it later, but if he bought pointless things at every store that didn't have condoms, they would have too many pointless things to carry around.

“Any luck?” Kim asks, his eyes following Chay as Chay goes and sits on a nearby bench before putting his head in his hands.

“This is the worst thing that could have happened.”

“Yeah.”

“We should have savored that last condom,” Chay says morosely, “Made it last. Used the cock rings even.”

By the way Kim glances around at that, he is probably checking to make sure no one heard Chay. But Chay doesn't care. Not anymore. The universe clearly hates him, so let any punishment come his way. Any punishment wouldn't compare to this. Getting ripped away of the opportunity to fuck Kim after just getting a taste of it is torture.

“We could go without.”

Chay’s spiraling thoughts come to a halt, and he looks at Kim with wide eyes. Meanwhile, Kim can't look at him at all.

“I'm obviously clean,” Kim says quietly, “Even if the men who abducted me did do something - and all of the exams pointed to that not being the case - I was tested. Given meds as a precaution. Nothing has come up, even in my most recent appointment.”

Chay blinks, and then sits up straight, “You'd really be okay with-”

“If you are okay with it,” Kim interrupts, then clears his throat, “And if you're clean.”

“...Hia made me get tested right after we all went to Cambodia,” Chay says hesitantly, then rolls his eyes, “Right after he started shipping us. Everything came back clean, and the blood work I did as a follow-up came back clean as well.”

“Oh,” Kim says, nodding, “...We don't have to make a decision today. But I guess it's something to think about.”

It is. Even as they give up on their quest to find condoms and go about their day, it's all Chay can think about.

He needs to talk about it with someone. As soon as they get back from a historical island tour and Kim decides to take a nap, Chay walks out onto the beach and does just that. He wars within himself on who to call. Khun has been surprisingly open-minded and comforting about anything Chay has talked with him about, but he's on vacation with his new fiancé and is also Kim’s brother. It doesn't seem like a good idea to ask him. Kinn sounds even worse, not to mention more intimidating.

He's pointedly ignoring the obvious choice for now.

Maybe Macau. They're the same age. But when he calls, Macau sends it straight to voicemail.

Macau: I'm on a date with Nalin. Sorry. We’re getting Khun and Arm presents. What's up?

Chay: What do you think about me barebacking your cousin?

Macau: BRO, STOP! I don't think about that and I don't want to!

Chay: It's hard for me to wrap my head around too. It sounds appealing though, you know? I'm just worried it is too big of a step.

Chay: What if you and Nalin go on a very quick getaway? You can pack your bags, get on a plane tomorrow morning, take a ferry to our island, and we can get lunch. You can also maybe bring a value pack of condoms so Kim and I can sit on this possibility a little longer. Since you are coming anyway. You can fly out tomorrow night or even the next day. 😃

Macau: Aw, you'd let us stay a full day before kicking us off the island?

Chay: Of course!

Macau: No. Besides, Nalin is bringing the twins over. We agreed to babysit them. Malai picked up some independent contracting work she needs to finish and Preeda is taking some advanced painting course in the evening now.

Chay: Can't someone else watch them? Hansa? Your brother? Pete?

Macau: P’Pete and Hia are going on a double date with Hansa and Pol. They can't.

Chay:...That's so weird.

Macau: Yeah, but Hia is actually looking forward to it?

Chay: Because he wants to make Pol nervous the entire time?

Macau: Maybe. But I think he wants friends like a normal person. And to probably gossip about me and Nalin with Hansa.

Macau: But anyway, can’t bring you condoms. Good luck with whatever journey you go on with Kim, but don't talk to me in detail about it. Thanks.

Chay looks down at his phone sadly before gazing off into the horizon. There is only one person he can talk to. The thought of bringing this up to him brings Chay feelings of both relief and mortification, but he has to do it.

“Chay?” Hia says as he answers the phone, “Hey! How is the trip?”

“It's amazing,” Chay tells him honestly. And that's true. It is. He just hopes Hia will come up with a solution that will make it a lot better.

[cowboyjen68]

Hey Jen! I hope that the fall season is bringing you good times & gorgeous weather. I’m writing because I really need some advice on how to find some balance & get my brain to behave right now. I’m almost thirty and I’ve dated a handful of women who I’ve thoroughly enjoyed, but I recently met a woman who seems to have taken over my brain in a way that has never happened to me before. The feeling of having this intense, thought-consuming crush is brand new for me, and it’s frustratingly distracting! I enjoy her so much, but I find myself practically consumed with it, and unable to focus on almost anything or anyone else. The thoughts of her are nearly constant and I’m worried that it’s going to ruin my connections with other people & the focus on growth within myself. Do you have any advice on how to gently balance the feelings of an intense crush so that it doesn’t…well, crush me? This seems like such a silly, high school question for me to be asking this far into my life but I’ve genuinely never felt this way before and its a lot to handle!

Love and crushes can dominate our thoughts and bodies and I don't think this is a rare experience. I personally believe that chemistry is a real thing and we can't control how intense it is with another person. It just happens and then we have to figure out how to deal with it.

If you haven't spoken to her about it I would suggest that you are honest with her at least in letting her know you have romantic interest in her. Friendships that fall apart over one not returning more intense feelings are probably not that strong to begin with. You don't have to divulge that you are "obsessed" or go to deeply into the intensity of your feelings. Speaking with her and getting an idea of her interest can help to manage your feelings.

If she is not interested that sort of clarity or closure can help you to work through it more quickly and to "reset" your brain and heart to see her as just a friend. IF you spend all of your time wondering how she feels or if she would be upset or happy at your emotions you end up wasting precious energy that can be spent enjoying your time with her, either as a romantic interest or a friend.

Sometimes writing down a list or journaling can help to get some resolution to feelings that feel over whelming. It is one part getting it all out and one part distraction and one part time spent focusing on it so that you can process things. Walking though Reasons why you like her can give you a good feeling and at the same time start to work out reality vs the idea of love. The idea of some one is often way more impressive that the reality.

The easiest answer is time. Finding a new person you click with, even just a friend, can be very exciting and stoke powerful feel good emotions. Time can ease that thrill into just a comfortable companionship.

Also to reassure you. It is normal and common for use to get into a "bubble" with a new friend and forget to put energy into those that already exist. Good and solid friendships can handle those lapses and eventually you get back to normal. No good friend is ever surprised when they see a buddy "fall" for a new person in her life and most can just wait you out or even be an ear for you to bend in order to figure out just HOW much you like this new woman in your life.

I know none of this is a black and white answer, but I hope some of this will let you know you are not the only woman in the world who finds themselves intensely attracted to a new friend nor will you be the last. You are experiencing a very normal path that many lesbians navigate daily.

[tokkias]

"Listen to me... take deep breaths, yes follow my breathing just like that. There's no need to panic, I'm right here now, aren't I?" and then the rest of the prompts <3 HAHAHAH JK

protective prompts || open

hey be careful what you wish for anon because i can and will, but then you'd only be getting horrible angst, hurt/comfort and hurt/no comfort for weeks on end. i haven't written any good hurt/comfort in aaaaggeees so this was pretty fun! thanks for sending it in :)

ao3

The warm light of morning streaming through her apartment window was enough to wake her mind up from the deep grips of sleep, reminding her that there was a brand-new day ahead of her. Though the rays of morning sun provided her with a pleasant heat, Lucy’s mind was more occupied with finding her preferred source of it.

In her half-sleep haze, she turned to her other side, arm reaching out to pull her partner closer so she could snuggle into his chest and relish in the warmth that he provided. Where she had expected his heat, instead she was met with the cold, empty blanket beside her.

In her confusion, Lucy cracked her eyes open to confirm what she could infer from her touch. She was alone in her bed; the blankets on the other side of the bed were ruffled and left a mess, the only evidence that someone had once occupied the space. The sheets were cold, indicating that whoever had been there before had left long prior.

Lucy brought her hand up to her eyes to rub the crust of sleep out of them and pull herself back into the land of the living. Once she was sort of awake, she gazed around her room for any sign of her partner up and waiting for her, only to be met with an empty room before her.

"Natsu?"  She called out into her apartment, hoping that he would poke his head out of her kitchen or bathroom to join her back in bed for a lazy morning.

Nothing.

Swinging her legs off the edge of her bed, Lucy slipped off to try and find where he had run off to. Her body was still tired, protesting every step of the way as she trudged to the kitchen, fully expecting him to be sitting at her dining table going through the contents of her fridge even in the early hours of the morning.

"Natsu, it’s a bit too early for--" She cut her reprimands short when she made her way through the door to find her kitchen as untouched as she had left it the night before.

Going through her fridge and pantry, she found everything in its correct place, not a single morsel missing. Closing her fridge door, she checked for some sort of note stuck to the front of it but was only met with the usual half-finished grocery list pinned on there.

Confused but not deterred, Lucy made her way to her bathroom, assuming that he had just needed to use the toilet while she was asleep. She gave one knock on the closed door, then another one, then two knocks.

Nothing.

"Natsu? Are you in there?"

She waited quietly for some sort of reply, only to be met with the silence that had become too familiar to her this morning.

"Natsu, I’m coming in, okay?" Lucy called out. "If you don’t want me to come in, just say something."

Though her hand was resting on the doorknob, she hesitated for a moment, worried about what was on the other side of the door. Briefly, she considered the possibility that this was just another one of his dumb pranks, and he was standing behind the door, waiting to jump out and scare her. However, any fear of one of his childish games was overridden by her need to know where on earth her boyfriend had run off to.

She opened the door with one hand covering her eyes in case he had just been sat on the toilet or perhaps bathing, but when no greeting came from it, Lucy peeked through her fingers to find the room just as empty as all the others. Knowing how Natsu was, she made sure to check behind the door to make sure she wasn’t hiding from her to jump out of her, to no avail.

Panic was beginning to settle in the bottom of her stomach, and it was beginning to make her sick.

Frantically, she moved back to her bedroom, looking behind every door, under her bed, in any place she could think of where he could be hiding, whether it was feasible or not.

"Natsu, whatever this prank you’re playing is, it’s not funny," she said, trying to keep her composure as she waited for him to jump out at her but not being able to suppress the way her voice wavered in the middle of the sentence.

This all had to be some sort of dumb, stupid, childish prank. That’s what it had to be. It was the only reasonable answer.

Because he couldn’t have left her again.

Could he?

But the only evidence left of his existence in the apartment were the messy sheets he had left on his side of the bed, and he never liked to draw out his pranks this long.

Lucy scrambled over to her desk to try to find some letter or note that he had left her, only to find it barren of anything new or unusual. She checked her bookshelf, her drawers, her bedside table.

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Her body began to tremble against her will, and she struggled to catch her breath as the memories hit her all over again.

He had left her, and she was alone.

And this time he hadn’t even had the decency to leave her a note.

It didn’t take long for the tears to begin to flow freely down her face nor for the quiet whimpers to become full-on sobs.

Natsu wouldn’t just up and leave without saying anything, would he?

But he had. He was gone, nowhere to be found, without so much as a goodbye.

No note, no explanation of where he had gone, no promise of his return.

This feeling, this horrible, awful, gnawing feeling, was one that she had never hoped to feel again.

This feeling of loneliness.

It had been so long since she had last felt its grip on her heart that she had been so convinced that she would never have to feel its effects again, but here she was, sat alone in her apartment and left to fend for herself once more.

How could he not have learned from last time? Did he not know what leaving her had done to her? Had she not been clear enough that he was never, ever, to do that to her again?

Why?  Why would he do this to her?

Without thinking, Lucy stumbled back to her bed, her legs quickly giving out beneath her before the back of her thighs hit the cool sheets. She wailed into her hands, her crying having since spiraled into loud, unhinged sobs at the prospect of having to go on like normal when her best friend, her boyfriend, her partner, had just disappeared without warning.

He had promised her. He had said they were going to be together forever, so what had changed on this random Tuesday morning?

With no dignity left in her body and no one around to judge her for it, her cries became hysterical. She wailed loudly and without restraint, not caring if her neighbours or passersby heard her grief. There was nothing going on in her mind but Natsu, Natsu, Natsu, Natsu. The same Natsu in whose arms she had fallen asleep the night before, the same Natsu who she had expected to be right there when she woke up, the same Natsu who had told her that they were always going to be together.

Had it been naïve of her to believe him?

She could barely hear the opening of her front door over her sniffles and cries, her mind and body all-consumed with sorrow and anguish over the prospect of being alone once more.

"Lucy?"  A familiar voice called out into the apartment, cutting through the sound of her cries filling the room.

As soon as Natsu entered the apartment, he froze in place, taken aback by what was playing out before him. His girlfriend, who had been sleeping peacefully when he left, was now holding her face in her hands, wailing like it was the end of the world.

"Lucy? Oh god, Lucy, what’s wrong? What happened?"

Immediately abandoning the bag of food he had entered with, he made his way to her side, resting one hand on her back while the other tried to coax her head up to meet her eyes, only to be met with resistance as she firmly hid her face in her hands.

"Lucy? Lucy, c’mon, stop cryin’ and tell me what’s going on," he tried, his voice soft as he tried to hide the panic that was crawling its way to the surface, as not to upset her any more.

While her sobs seemed to have subsided slightly since he had returned, he could still hear the gentle whimpers and sniffles, even as she tried to bury the sound in her hands.

"Where were you?" She asked, finally looking up at him, her eyes puffy and red with tears, as if she had been crying the entire time he was gone.

"I just went down to get us something for breakfast- I-"

He looked down at her, completely baffled by what had gone on between when he left and now. He hadn’t been gone for that long, he thought, but clearly, he had been gone for long enough for her to have a complete breakdown, and he hadn’t been there when she had needed him the most.

"Lucy, you gotta tell me what’s wrong," he tried again, his voice as gentle as he could muster.

"I thought you had left me again," she whimpered, tears still rolling down her cheeks, even as she tried to hide them under her hands.

That last word struck him like a knife straight to his gut, and she could see the guilt spread across his face.

He left her.

Again.

"Lucy, I-"  He sputtered, not exactly knowing what he could say to make this situation any better.

What had begun as him trying to do something nice to give back to her had completely backfired and blown up in his face. His first instinct was to panic, to completely freak out and lose his cool, to simply beg her to stop crying, but he had a feeling that maybe that would only serve to make things worse. Instead, his hand rubbed gentle circles on her back in a bid to sooth her as she continued to weep.

"Listen to me… take deep breaths, follow my breathing just like that."

At his suggestion, she tried to suck in a shaky breath in an attempt to calm herself down, and soon she was breathing in tandem with him.

Breathe in.

Hold.

Breath out.

Repeat.

Her rushing heart rate was beginning to slow to a normal pace, and her anxieties slowly began to fade until they were little more than vague memories in the back of her brain.

"There’s no need to panic, I’m right here now, aren’t I?" He reassured with a grin, trying to show her that everything was okay.

Eyes still glassy with tears met his, and she nodded slightly. There was no need to panic. He was here.

In fact, there had been no need to panic in the first place.

Now that her rational thinking had kicked back in, she realised how absurd this whole situation was. Of course Natsu hadn’t left her; why would he?

"I’m sorry," she murmured, her gaze cast down in embarrassment as all of her common sense came crashing down on her in an instant.

She had been so quick to jump to unrealistic conclusions, only to break down over it like a child. She should have been smarter about it, more rational and realistic, but once the prospect of Natsu leaving her entered her mind, it was the only thing she could think about.

She should have had more trust in him by now.

"Sorry? What are you sorry for?" Natsu asked, brows raised in confusion as to why she felt like she was the one needing to apologise.

"For... getting so upset, for worrying you," she admitted, wiping away the snot that was dripping from her nose. "I was just being stupid and irrational."

"What? Ya don’t ever have to apologise for that," he assured. "Of course I’m gonna be worried about you if you’re cryin’, but ya don’t need to be sorry about it."

His hand moved up to rest on her cheek, his thumb wiping away a stray tear that threatened to creep down her rosy cheeks.

"I’m sorry, I shoulda known better."

There was no time for apologies or forgiveness; instead, Lucy threw herself into Natsu’s arms, burying her face as far into his chest as she could, and he willingly took her, holding her tight against his body.

He was here. He was back. He would never leave her.

Her grip around his torso was tight, as though if she held him any looser, he might fade out of existence. Not that he minded. His grasp was just as tight, with one hand wrapped around her waist and the other resting gently on the back of her head, holding it there, tucked beneath his chin, with no plan on letting her go any time soon.

[ectogeo-rebubbles]

I have kind of a niche Garashir fic idea I want to write but I’ve never posted anything publicly before, so I am nervous. But I can’t seem to get over the idea? You’re one of my favorite fic writers, any advice? 💕🥺

Ooooh, you gotta try to write it!!! I always love to indulge my new ideas that are driving me insane as soon as I can hehe (because part of writing often has to be done after the initial idea no longer excites you quite the same way).

I like that you said it’s a niche idea, too! I do enjoy most of the common fanon tropes and worldbuilding, but it’s always so refreshing when people add something brand new to the Garashir body of literature. And the nicher and stranger the better, in my opinion!! One thing about writing something niche is that maybe it won’t get the same amount of attention as quickly as something that has broader appeal, HOWEVER... I can tell you from experience that when your niche stuff does find its audience (which may take patience and persistence) that audience will likely go absolutely WILD for it. And I always find that very rewarding <3

Is the reason you haven't started yet because you don't quite know how to start? If that's the case, I would recommend writing an outline first. I even sometimes will outline really short oneshots lol, not because I think I really need to, but because that way i at least have a good record of my idea and ALSO because sometimes I can trick myself into just starting to write by taking notes on in outline format until I get to the part I'm REALLY excited about, at which point I realize I'm just writing full sentences instead of notes and I just let it flow from there and go back to fix the beginning later. XD You could also just try to summarize the plot for a friend, that often reveals to me where any structural issues are tripping me up, and identifies what I need to think about more before I set words down on the page.

Idk if you haven't written before or if you just haven't posted any of it, but I want you to know that a few years ago, when I was easing myself back into writing, I worked on writing like 3 or 4 different garashir fic ideas privately before I actually figured out which idea I wanted to write all the way to the end and actually post. Most of those first wips never got posted (and my wip graveyard is still massive and always growing lol) and that's for the best bc I either got bored of the idea or could not yet achieve the story in the way I wanted to. Which is NOT to tell you that this is inevitable or that you should let your inner editor shut you down, but I just want you to know that it's perfectly okay and normal to, like, have to noodle around a bit before you've written something you're happy with.

Speaking of your inner editor, you gotta tune them out while writing a first draft. Don't even worry if the sentence makes sense, just get the words out, and then get the next words out, and then the next... If there is something stopping you from writing the next sentence (a name you need to make up, or something you need to research, or uncertainty about what a character would be doing, or even if you are just blanking on a word) and you are trying to maintain a flow of writing, then write a note for yourself (e.g, "[insert title of a Cardassian novel here]" or "[Julian makes some kind of expression. Surprise? Anger? idk]" or "[synonym for sinister, bc I've used sinister three times this fic already]") and then MOVE ON. You can go back in and fill in those blanks later.

Also, I really really really really like the writing advice of thinking of your first draft as your worst draft or stupidest draft. It's so true and it helps take the pressure off. One related amazing thing about writing star trek fanfic is that if ever you begin to doubt yourself, you can just fondly think about a beloved episode of Star Trek where something very silly or buckwild happens in a very contrived way, and then remind yourself that people LOVE that episode anyway. This is a genuine way that I have reminded myself not to be so harsh on my own writing lmao.

I really working with beta readers, but I know that's not something everyone enjoys and it's def not required. Still, a beta reader can give feedback on your writing to make it clearer, and they'll likely become invested in your fic and will cheer you on, and if it’s longer than a oneshot you can have someone to talk it through with during the writing process. But it might be hard to find someone you work well with and everyone’s beta reading style is a lil different, so I recommend always being very clear about what kind of feedback you want from them (grammar/typos, plot structure, clarity, brainstorming ideas for how to fix this plothole, does this one specific line of dialogue work, etc! whatever aspects you are uncertain about and want help with for that specific fic). And you should know that it’s okay to not take someone's recommendations too, it’s ultimately your fic, so anyone giving you feedback should just be trying to help you achieve your own vision. Still, even in those cases where you don't go along exactly with their idea for what to change, knowing what parts confused them can help you figure out how to get your vision across more clearly.

If you think concrit might actually be demotivational and intimidating (totally get that, back in high school I actually solicited concrit on my fics publicly, as was the custom back then, and received some critiques from some truly well-meaning friends, and the experience STILL rattled me so bad that it turned me off writing for awhile), or if the process of finding someone to beta read sounds overwhelming, I’d recommend that you instead just find a trusted friend who is willing to read over the completed draft, with the understanding that they must simply give you a sanity check and then tell you yep that’s good! Cannot stress enough the power of encouragement and support and having someone hype you up. ^_^

If you are too nervous to post it under your own name, you can post it to the Anonymous collection on ao3. This is a reversible process, so if you want to reattach your username to your fic later then you can!

Anyway, feel free to send follow up questions about any of this or let me know if there's an aspect of writing I didn't mention that is what you're actually stuck on. I hope this helps and good luck and HAVE FUN! Have fun is actually the most important writing advice haha.

(P.S., anon, if you want me to beta read a draft of a oneshot or at least look over a chapter or two if it's multichapter, I am down to do so, just DM me. If not that's fine too, I'm just so so flattered that you reached out to me and I want to encourage you in any way I can! <3)