#and just the whole thing where he repressed his true self and was constantly acting different to appease his father

[hecksupremechips]

It’s so funny cuz before people started jumping on the 2020 atla bandwagon like not a single soul was out here thinking of zuko x sokka it was always that zutara shit and then all of a sudden people liked the gay ass zuko shit and me, who never considered this romance ever, was just like. Yeah okay cool :)

[blueopinions49]

Healthy/Unhealthy Type 1

Healthy Social 1 

Rob Stark (1w9 so/sx)- In the search for a more fair and just Westeros. Maintains his anger in check and looks for morality in grounded and in bringing others up. 

Kitana (1w2 so/sp)- Depending on which timeline we are on we can see how she embodies the idealism of E1. In MK11 we see her in the search to unite outworld and restore honor to Edenia. In her arcade ending we see her restoring Edenia and forging a bright and fair future for outworld. 

Nakia (1w2 so/sp)- She subverts all of the stereotypes of E1. The enneagram 1 is known for their more “traditional” and restrictive views of moral however with Nakia we see a. fully integrated 1 to their 7. Her view of the world comes from a need to find joy and help others. 

Unhealthy Social 1 

Betty Warren (1w2 so/sx)- The need to maintain a status quo were her and others suffer due to what's moral and right seems to be her core desire in the movie. She changes eventually and decides to pursue a career where she can channel her rage into productive actions. 

Abuela Madrigal (1w2 so/sp)- While I understand fully why she is the way she is, her continuing the generational cycle of trauma instead of deciding to talk about the past leads her to stifling others. Neglecting Maribel and banishing Bruno. Her eventual change in the end promises a better future for everyone in the family. 

Zaheer (1w9 so/sp)-In search for full liberation of the nation he ends up indulging in full anarchism. His desire to see the world as free and just sets him on a path of destruction. Probably the best example of an E1 who has fully disintegrated into 4. Fully detached from a grounded sense of morality.

Healthy Self-Preservation 1 

Elijah Mikaelson (1w9 sp/so)- His desire to preserve his own sense of morality always comes into question when it comes to Klaus. The desire to see a fully redeemed Klaus can cause him allot of problems however, he always is just in his decision making always looking for the best results for everyone. 

Nancy Thompson (1w2 sp/so)- While I consider typing her as an SO6 too her desire seems to fall more on E1. She has a strong sense of morality and justice. Always in the look to help other whiteout letting her own sense of self righteousness get in the way.

Matt Murdock (1w9 sp/so)- Yes, he has a whole struggle with his sense of morality and defines good and bad however, Matt is generally a great example of an Sp1 who struggles with his idealism or perfection and morality and its realistic applications in the real world. 

Unhealthy Self-Preservation 1

Shirley Crain (1w2 sp/so)- Branded as “Perfect Shirley” for good reason.  Shirley is complete denial of reality and constantly repressing her true emotions makes her act as morally superior than her siblings. While not deciding to deal with her inner turmoil. 

Julien Slowik (1w9 sp/so)-Full detachment of reality and embraces the worst traits of the sp1. He choses to make his own personal believes others problems and internalizes his rage. Eventually channeling it into self destruction. 

Nina Sawyer (1w9 sp/so)-Her struggle to integrate towards 7 turns into a full downward spiral were identity and her perception of reality go out the window. Her need to be both the black swan and white swan end up tearing her sense of self apart. 

Healthy Sexual 1

Biscuit Krueger (1w2 sx/so)-Perfection through interpersonal connections seems to be her main drive. When she becomes Killua’s and Gon’s mentor she help them expand on their already developed powers. Using the base knowledge of their abilities so each of them could expand on them. 

Batman (1w9 sx/sp)-His struggle to define himself as a symbol for Gotham can be seen as unhealthy sometimes. However I believe he is closer to a healthy person with his own personal struggles. However as time goes on in the comics we see a Bruce who is able to foster community and have excellent children.

Kate Sheffield (1w2 sx/so)- Strong sense of morality and a desire to see things change makes Kate a force to be reckoned with. She is able to express her anger and discomforts in ways that aren't damaging or hurtful to others. 

Unhealthy Sexual 1 

Ra’s Al ghul (1w9 sx/so)-In look for a true successor he ends up exploiting both his  daughter and grandchild. His believe that there is a need for the league of assassins to make the world better place is also kind of disjointed. 

Mona Wasserman (1w2 sx/sp)- I considered typing her as an SX2 however I believe her need to maintain Bo near her and constantly demean her fell more into SX1 traits. She is the good guy in the relationship and her overbearing nature is but a need. Even contracting the only person who he has had an emotional connection with.

Tywin Lannister (1w9 sx/sp)- Perfection through his children makes him hyper obsessive man who will deny reality and neglect those same children emotionally if it means it's what's “better” for them. His cruelty towards Tyrion knew no bounds.

[dirtytransmasc]

when I agreed to Tumblrs terms and services, I also agreed to find the most traumatized, skrunkly, saddest, repressed and depressed, prettiest, morally reprehensible yet completely blameless little guy in every piece of media I consume in my lifetime and I must defend him with my life no matter his actions.

I watched house of the dragons, and I'm now fighting for my life to defend this little shit;

Listen, hear me out, if anyone had intervened at one of many important points of his life or shown him (or really any of Alicent's kids, cause from the looks of it, she never truly loved those kids) any amount of love or attention OR treated these kids as anything more than political pieces; this little shit may have been more than an attention seeking brat.

his whole childhood he was bullied by his big brother and his cousins (who he was constantly told were scum beneath his boots, which first off a child should never have been involved in moral politics like that at such a young age, but knowing what he did had to feel even worse when his cousins poked and prodded him), the only person who seemed to give the tiniest shit was his bitter mother, his own father played dumb to his abuse and neglect. his entire childhood he was taught that your worth was in your strength and ability, in your smarts, your dragon. so when he was always behind his brother, his cousins (the bastards), when he never had a dragon, he was made to feel lesser then. he was taunted by his own parents for acting out against the mistreatment.

Then when he makes a stupid, childish mistake (he was definitely in the wrong, but also, it kinda makes sense why he did it, he was young, stupid, and so desperate for anything to make him seem worthwhile in anyone's eyes, even if it wasn't his parents), of stealing laena's dragon from her girls, and he subsequently engages in a childish fight where more childish decisions were made that cost him his eye; he was once again treated as nothing more then a political piece, in a political race, that he is set to lose. he lost his eye and the discussion at hand became that of politics and infighting amongst a drama that had festered between his mother and aunt since they were young. what happened, from him takin the dragon to him losing his eye and everything in between never mattered, it was what stabs could be taken against either family that mattered, how Alicent could hurt Rhaenyra. it was proven once again, he as a person, didn't matter, he was just a pawn.

he grew up with no sense of self, seeing as the only people of worth were higher on the food chain, so he spent his time trying to attract any sort of attention (good or bad), and having his eye set on the race, wanting to bring himself higher so he would mean something. he was stupid and childish because he was never taught to be another way. he inherited his mother's bitterness and his father's naivety, he hid behind a mask of confidence, fighting ability, and study's. that's how he survived, that's how he had always survived, and it never worked. throughout his time on the show we see the small bit of kindness, sense of self, and humanity that remained at his premiere at around 10, be snuffed out and smothered over the course of the show. he was miserable

I think what he did to Lucerys was intentional, but in the way a child intends to kill another. deep down, I don't think that was his intention, not really. his want was surface level but it wasn't until after the deed was done he realized the true impact of his actions. they were no longer words or thoughts, it was an irreversible action that I believe his felt remorse for.

had anyone intervened in his early life, ever so slightly, I think aemond had the chance to be good and beautiful; but he was cursed from the womb, just like his brother, and just like the rest of his family. power corrupted him because he was taught power was your only value.

~~~

I am fighting so hard for him, I am truly pulling things from my ass. I don't know why my chemically unbalanced brain has taken such an affinity to him, I shouldhate him and his smarmy little attitude. but he is just my little guy I guess, my poor little meow meow.

there were so many points in the show where I was just yelling at the screen because it was so clear to me how he could have been saved from a life of angst and anger and no one stepped up to give him a chance. I was just sitting there, begging someone to hug him or something, show him he was more then just his power. had I been their aemond would have been raised right, he would have been good and kind.

[nexyra]

RWBY's Love Language - Part 2

Hello friend ! I'm back at it with a second part and whatever character I can think of ! (Among which best boy Oscar because he deserves it, and also more adults)

Let's go !

***

Oscar Pine

So ! While I love Oscar with my whole heart, honestly guessing his Love Language is no easy feat. One thing for sure : touch isn't is thing even if it's how everyone else chose to communicate their love.

I saw a post a while back detailing how Oscar is always putting his hands up as a barrier when he's scared or uncomfortable and that makes me cry a little instead but it's true TT. Anyway...

In the latest volumes we've got quite a bit of comforting Oscar-talks but I have to wonder how much of that is due to Ozpin's influence really. As a result I've decided to settle on... Acts of Service or Quality Time ! This is based on a few details : when people are upset with him in one shape or form, Oscar was always very eager to prove himself useful, give some aspect of concrete help (such as cooking a Casserole, ringing any bell ?). Plus I imagine that's the exact brand of help his Aunt would have needed most on a farm. Added to that, he always seems fairly happy to be included, be with the others no matter what's going on. Training ? Yay ! A movie with Jaune & Weiss ? Smiling puppy look. Fancy party ? Shenanigans together ! So yea, I love seeing my boy loved and hugged but please everyone settle for the loving he's most comfortable with <3

“She made a choice! A choice to put others before herself! So do I.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. I thought you guys would appreciate a hot meal after... spending all day looking for me, apparently.”

“No, it's okay. These past few days, I've been scared of the same things you were. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be... me. But I did some thinking, and I do know that I want to do everything I can to help with whatever time I have left.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Ozpin

For our favorite immortal wizard aka not quite dead Headmaster... I think the answer is rather obvious. When you're so careful with your words, but also so fiercely devoted to humanity, Words of Affirmation is a must. Ozpin constantly does his best to calm, to reassure. He's good at controlling the conversation and getting people where he wants... Except he more often than not use it to make them think and help them reach an healing ore motivating conclusion. This man is so insisten on giving and cultivating hope, so painfully aware of just how much words can change... There's no doubt in my mind that it's through these very same words that he tries to fight the darkness in others' mind, even when they don't want to let themselves be persuaded. And with some help from the farmboi, Ozpin is gaining in honesty and earnestness. And that can only help in giving comfort.

But to be honest... If you offer him a hug I doubt he'd refuse, and he definitely deserves one. Also therapy. For Oscar too. Everyone in therapy 2k21.

“Ruby. I've made more mistakes than any man, woman, and child on this planet. But at this moment I would not consider your appointment to leader to be one of them. Do you?”

“It's not every day that friends are able to come together like this. Time has a way of testing our bonds, but it's nights like these that can help keep them stronger than ever. Nights like these are ones we'll never forget.”

“Don't worry, Mr. Arc. Your journey is far from over, and the same might be said for all of you. Unlocking your Semblance isn't the end. It can still grow and evolve. Providing you are willing to put in the work, who knows what could happen?”

- - - - - - - - - -

Emerald Sustrai

Now here I'm gonna go ahead and say that the way Emerald has been taught to express her love and the way SHE would rather preffered to be loved most likely do not align. At the side of someone like Cinder, and even Mercury who isn't exactly the most emotionally vulnerable person; the only brand of love that gets an easy pass is Acts of Service, and that's probably what Emerald is the most used to. I can go on a mission with you. I can help. We go right back to the "I can be useful" mentality and I'm not sure she's been shown any other way honestly. Let's be real though : if someone offered a hug or some gentle words ? She'd probably pout & fuss but I hardly doubt she'd object.

“I don't care about Salem! But I owe Cinder everything. You want to fight her that bad? Be my guest.”

“I just... Cinder was the only family I ever had. She cared about me, taught me things... But without her here, I don't know if what we're doing--”

“I've been working on my Semblance. I can help. I won't tell anybody.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Pyrrha Nikos

What's with everyone and dedicating their whole love toward just helping their teammates anyway they can ?! Stop ! But any way, you guessed it. I'm pretty sure one of Pyrrha's top way of showing love is Acts of Service, and nothing means quite as much to her as Quality Time. For someone who's been put on a pedestal and has a hard time relating to people; both touch and words can be a bit awkward. But if they're wrapped up neatly in a training session or semblance explanations ? Well that's already a more familiar area. Pyrrha gives her whole to her friends and those she cares about. And in exchange, if anyone can simply... be there and spend time with her... May it be at the ball or simply sitting in the courtyard... I'm sure our girl would be delighted.

“Jaune, you know if you ever need help, you can just ask.”

“I'm constantly surrounded by love and praise; but when you're placed on a pedestal like that for so long, you become separated from the people that put you there in the first place. But thanks to you, I've made friendships that will last a lifetime.”

“I'll do it. If you believe this will help humanity, then I will become your Fall Maiden.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Qrow Branwen

If I say Gift Giving for the corvid, is someone gonna hit me ? Come on it's fun ! Okay, more seriously... I think this kind of love conversation is kind of a necessity for Qrow. With a semblance such as Bad Luck, making everything complicated... Qrow tries to keep his distance from those he cares about. And since he's an emotionally repressed (but caring) asshole on top of it... Well that kinda narrows down his option. You know what DOESN'T put anyone at risk but can still bring smiles on their face ? GIFTS. Shiny things, souvenirs from his missions all over the world to give to 2 smol nieces. Sounds safe right ? That said, as any good emotionally unavailable character in this show, I gotta say Qrow probably has a thing for helping out and making himself useful in relation to Oz, Tai or the rest of the inner circle. So you know what that means *whisper* Acts of Service.

That said ! When it comes to receiving some love back... Qrow probably likes everything he doesn't allow himself to have. Soft touches, loving & comforting words, spending time with a friend without his semblance making everything complicated... We know that's all he wants.

“You idiot. I know you didn't do this.”

“Look, pal, I'm not sure who you are, but you need to leave my niece alone.”

“No one wanted me... I was cursed... I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world... I thought I was finally doing some good...”

- - - - - - - - - -

Clover Ebi

And among our newbies (and gone too soon) friends we have Clover ! Clover was a very good contrast to our dusty old crow but also a great help. Kind-hearted, perceptive and honest; he knew just how to put Qrow's self-loathing in his place and push him to give himself some credit. He always had a nice word or a joke for everyone, and visibly the rock of the Ace Ops : an expert a keeping the moral up and the mood companiable. Evidently, Words of Affirmation was his expertise. Had things gone differently, I'm sure we'd have had time for many more earnest and helpful conversations with this teal-eyed fisherman.

“It's a good thing they had someone to look up to and get them through it. Not everyone is so lucky.”

“I meant deflect a compliment. Those kids wouldn't be where they are without you. You've had more of an effect on them than you realize.”

“We don't have to fight, friend.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Winter Schnee

And today in the "emotionally unavailable" category we have... Winter Schnee ! TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS PEOPLE ! Just - I would say look at Ruby but even she doesn't talk about her bad vibes... Nor does any of the "Words of Affirmation" peeps. Honestly what's wrong with y'all people ? Anyway Winter cares so much. Is it hidden behind professionalism and a stern *big sister* demeanour ? Sure. But it doesn't negate just how much she loves her closed ones. She's fiercely loyal, and even if she doesn't let her personal feelings get in the way of her duty and doing what needs to be done, no one is allowed to say she doesn't care. Countrary to Weiss, Winter doesn't seem as good nor as aware of the love that exists in simply *being* with people. Rather, she's dutiful and ready to help any way she can when given the chance. You guessed it, yet another Acts of Service kind of love... Maybe I'm doing this wrong XD. I'm on the fence about Words of Affirmation as well. Despite her standoffish looks, Winter has always been very open & reassuring during her discussions with Penny. But she's more stern when it comes to Weiss so I dunno x)

“I don't recall asking about your ranking, I'm asking how you've been. Are you eating properly? Have you taken up any hobbies? Are you making new friends?”

“You've grown up a bit, haven't you? You're not the little girl clinging to the family name anymore.”

“You can't just buy trust like everything else! You have to earn it!”

And that's it for Part 2 ! I might do some other characters if people suggest some but I don't have a pressing need to right now. I have many ideas of songs to apply to various characters however so that's prob what my next posts will consist of (or fun templates)

If anyone has tips to create RWBY gifs or links to download the eps in good quality I'll take it ! Good day everyone !

[swimfuel]

Hey!! The X-men are literally my favorite thing and I was wondering if you could elaborate on how Scott is a knight of doom

YES OF COURSE!!!! i'll put it under a cut since i tend to ramble a bit & i'm pulling a bunch of explanations from people smarter than i am

the knight weaponizes their aspect; they have an inherent understanding of their aspect that allows them to exploit it completely. doom is the aspect of systems, restrictions/limitations, sacrifices, and endings.

one of scott's core themes is reclaiming his restrictions in order to serve others/the greater good! he takes the possible liability that are his faulty powers and shifts them to become an advantage, largely through the strength of his restraint and discipline. his role as a tactician and the way he sees sacrifices (more on that later) also mesh EXTREMELY well with the knight of doom.

i feel like the Wh*don run (specifically astonishing x-men #22-23) really highlights how scott can turn a situation on its head through exploiting his disadvantages to the point where they become tactically advantageous!! like, let's count the ways:

the ship the x-men stole from kruun is obviously bugged, so his team won't be able to communicate without being overheard. he realizes this, and uses that restriction (being overheard) as an advantage, by falsifying their course of action.

he has been left "without his powers"—he presents a restriction that lowers the guard of his adversary and grants him entry to their home base. he then subverts this by exploding the shit out of everything when an opportune moment arrives

HE LITERALLY EXPLOITS DEATH...... HE EXPLOITS HIS OWN DEATH...................FOR THE GREATER GOOD..........DUDE???? someone get this man an advil

some more thoughts, followed by some examples by people smarter than me:

he exhibits a similar pattern of idolization/realization with xavier irt karkat/HICand dave/bro.... not sure if this by itself is a knight-y thing but i think the consistent disillusionment with their role in defending their aspect is interesting (aka knight burnout, more on that later)

he is def willing to sacrifice shit for the greater good of mutantkind. the shit in question sometimes being his closest friends and allies. the examples that stick out to me are how he allowed beast to get tortured (utopia era) while executing his plan to solve All His Problems At Once & also when he sent x-force to the future to defend hope knowing it was going to be a one-way trip

that entire issue revolving around just how GOOD scott is at self-repression😭😭😭 i'm pretty sure it's post-schism utopia era i don't remember the exact issue WAIT NVM i'm pretty sure it's uncanny #518

seeing phoenix!scott as an inversion to (rogue of) life is also an interesting concept (unchecked growth!)

the amount of responsibility he feels he has to take on (partially due to his idolization cycle w xavier/xavier's dream) is also both knight-y and doom-y

and of course the instinct to protect the people around him --> being expanded into the whole of mutantkind (which, in turn, expands his sense of obligation)

everything leading up to revolutionary cyclops is also very interesting through this framework because its reminiscent of the knights & doom players in hs! the "taking on an insane burden" (phoenix force, whatever whammied mituna) -> the "resignation to the fate handed to him by his aspect" (his stint in prison, dead daves, sollux in general) -> the "refusal to accept that fate" (prison break, dave not wanting to use time travel, sollux fucking off into the dreambubbles, karkat coming to terms w his relationship w leadership) --> experiencing knight burnout at the end of revolutionary era going into death of x

im not sure exactly how to put it into words but everything about his childhood/teenhood... like being surrounded by forces seeking to control him and use him for their own ends..... idk

(from @/land-of-classpects-and-analysis, sections highlighted red are of particular interest)

HIS GIANT STINKING MARTYR COMPLEX.....DUDE😭😭

side note & ive mentioned this before but scottjean is an interesting parallel to davejade in a way i cant verbalize

Then there are the ones who may accept [the fact of inevitable human suffering], and so choose to live in high alert of any danger - any threats - as well as living in fear of what harm may befall them and/or their loved ones. It is this third and final group of people that so deeply marks that of the Knight of Doom.

Now, this might cause a few eyebrows to become quirked. After all, a Knight? Being fearful of something - nevertheless that thing being related to their Aspect? Knights do often present themselves as ruthless and fearless warriors, yes, but that is only because their Aspects and the world around them raised and called them to act as such. 

... A key factor in the Knight’s life, specifically before their journey truly begins, is that they are already well equipped with their Aspect.

... The Knight of Doom is one where their Aspect being all around them is far more bittersweet than anything else.

... What is important to acknowledge is that the facade the Knight of Doom puts up is not only to hide the fear they have for their Aspect, but it is most definitely there to hide the grief and pain they have not yet completely finished going through. Whether it’s been weeks or years, the Knight of Doom is someone who would rather hide themself away from these feelings than find a way to truly mend and heal them ... they have built a false wall between them and their suffering strong and thick enough to partially block it from their memory. 

... Knights are known to become extremely stubborn whenever people try to order them around and pressure them into doing something, and the Knight of Doom is no different - especially if they believe what they are doing is for the greater good. 

(from @/dahniwitchoflight)

Dahni’s Explanantion: “Doom can be a negative force that rejects and harms, fostering a sense of hostility or sadness. But, it is also the idea that you can pull backwards and cautiously and wisely withdraw into your own self.  It can be the idea of Control taken from the sharp Black and White Restrictions that everything in the world gets sorted into. It understands community necessity and need, responsibly pulling back and lowering you down into its lap to help wind yourself down. Doom then is an ultimate gentle Equalizer, instilling its players with an internal sense of Acceptance and eventually true Wisdom.”

Knight of Doom: One who Exploits with Doom or Exploits Doom

Knights hide a fear of a perceived fundamental failure with their Aspect behind a shield of confidence and obsessive effort. Their challenge is to learn to take it down a notch and to understand that they are skilled enough

A Knight is very skilled with using the rules and limitations of any game or session to their advantage. They skillfully fulfill any responsibility or obligation required of them with ease. They might use their natural caution and pessimism to make realistic choices and endeavors. They use and exploit any rule or limit that they can to their advantage. They might also be very good at exploiting any sacrifices made or any obligation or responsibility that they are held to. They might be very good at avoiding any unnecessary thing or person and are very good at recognizing when something is too futile to even bother with.

Likewise they might only focus on the necessary things in their game or session so they are likely to not do much unless it’s absolutely necessary. They would very likely be very meticulous with themselves about following the rules properly and constantly restrict themselves, maybe thinking they aren’t following the rules properly enough or not following the right ones. They might sacrifice anything they consider unnecessary about themselves or the way they live, sometimes even going too far with it, in order to be considered or thought of as less useless. They’re always trying harder and holding themselves to extreme self-imposed standards.

They would likely wait for the opportune moment to strike, though they are slow to move or act, they always will when something necessary needs to happen. Out of all the Doom players, a Knight of Doom seems like the one most likely to sacrifice themselves for the greater good. A Knight of Doom can also expertly use and exploit fire, bombs and explosions to their advantage, maybe they create flashy distractions during fights. They might even use decaying or dying things to their advantage.

(from @/communistvriska)

Role in the Session: Rather like the Prince of Doom, this role’s title kinda has “edgelord” written all over it, but that’s not a set-in-stone character trait. The first thing that comes to mind re: what the Knight Class and the Aspect of Doom have in common is a strong sense of obligation. The Knight of Doom is bound to take their duties and responsibilities Extremely Seriously, perhaps rather too seriously at first ... Knights also tend to be very protective of both their Aspect as a concept, and of themselves and those close to them; while the Knight of Doom isn’t likely to be outwardly aggressive, given Doom’s reserved, slow-burn tendencies, woe betide those who try to deceive or confound the Knight or their allies. One of Doom’s internal contradictions (which I find personally fascinating) is that the aspect is associated both with cynical resignation and with a profound albeit restrained sense of passion and persistence. Doom is what’s left after everything else gets burnt away.

The Knight of Doom will likely be a very skilled combatant, as the Knight is a class strongly associated with Strife / battle, and Doom is one of the more overtly destructive Aspects. I’d put them in the Top 5 Roles to use a cool flamin sword, at least. They’re not going to be eager to fight, per se, but they’re not going to have much trouble scaling the echeladder when it comes to that either. Internally, they’re likely to struggle with a perceived (but largely imagined) inability to fulfill their duties, and they could well stumble once or twice in their quest to be perceived as reliable and stoic, or as someone who their friends can lean on. They’re probably doing more than enough already, but if they’re not careful they might overexert themselves and take on too heavy a burden, and they’re liable to be crushed by their own expectation that they face their challenges alone. This is going to factor into their capital-Q Quest and the environment of their planet, and will be the biggest obstacle in their path to Ascension. A Knight’s duty is to protect their co-players, but their co-players also have to support them.

[merakilyy]

Lan Qiren is Not a Completely Terrible Parent + Bonus Headcanon

Some disorganized thoughts on Lan Qiren!

A lot of my thoughts on Lan Qiren come from a bilibili article breaking down what it means be be righteous (雅正) in accordance to the Lan Sect’s motto. The article is in Chinese so I’ll just sum up some of the major ideas first:

***

~It fundamentally refutes the idea of Lan Wangji as the “black sheep” in the Lan Sect 

~It assumes Cloud Recesses has a highly collective intrasect environment. Children are raised not just by the parents, but by the entire Sect. 

~The Elders raised Wangji and saw him grew up and didn’t have the heart to hurt Wangji, even after he escaped with Wei Wuxian into the cave. Western fandom especially tends to see the elders as strict, conservative disciplinarians who are rigid in their beliefs to the point of hypocrisy. This meta refutes that. It’s unreasonable that Wangji, no matter how strong his cultivation, would be able to stand on his own against 33 seasoned cultivators. So, contrary to popular belief, the elders allowed Wangji to injure them so they would not have to harm a child of the Sect.

~Lan Sect rules are not about what is literally written, but the spirit of the rules. This also makes sense given that when you have 4000+ rules, some rules are bound to contradict one another. And, many rules are quite vague. Eg. “sneering for no reason is prohibited.” Where is the line that justifies sneering? There is none because the idea is not “don’t sneer for no reason,” the idea is “don’t be unnecessarily rude.” In many of the rules, there is room for interpretation and it is this process of interpretation that is valued over the literal inscription of the rules. 

~Basically, they are not good people because of the rules. They are good people because they are good people. The rules guide them to make good judgement, but good judgement does not comes from following the rules to a T.

~So the function of 雅正 (to be righteous) is internal, not performative.

~It is this internal clarity that makes Gusu Lan “innocent” (the word used is 纯真; 纯/chun = pure, clarity, genuine, practised and 真/zhen = true, real, genuine, clear)

~There is also a long history of Lans being deviant and rebellious. In CQL, there is Lan Yi who invents guqin battle techniques. They are also the only Clan to have been led by a female cultivator. Qingheng-jun clearly went against orthodoxy by marrying a murderer, but still remained in Cloud Recesses. We’re going to set aside consent here because is a total other separate conversation, but his punishment is self-imposed, not enforced by the Sect. So there are a lot of rules, but they aren’t pedantic. There is leeway, as seen in Lan Yi, but only within reason, as demonstrated by Qingheng-jun.

~Like his ancestors, Wangji also deviated from the straightforward path but his sect accepted his unrepentant love for Wei Wuxian in the end.

~In the end, Wangji gets what he wants: to live with Wei Wuxian in Cloud Recess. But he only gets this because the elders and Lan Qiren allow him to.

~To allow Wei Wuxian to exist in Cloud Recesses, the Lan Sect has to be more inclusive than we typically see them as.

~Despite everything, Lan Wangji still wants to return to Cloud Recesses because it is home to him.

~This is also my favourite explanation of Jingyi’s Jingyi-ness. Rather than Wangji (and possibly Xichen) singlehandedly creating a space for Jingyi, that space already existed. Jingyi isn’t as much of a black sheep as people portray him as because you don’t grow into a Jingyi if everyone is constantly yelling at you to follow rules. CQL Jingyi is plenty sassy, even in front of Lan Qiren, and Jingyi isn’t stupid! He was born and raised in Cloud Recesses, he knows when he is pushing several of the rules and he knows that he has the leeway to do so, and that Lan Qiren will not stop him (within reason).

~”Be righteous” is how the Lan motto is translated in English, but it’s….not exactly what it is in Chinese.

~In modern Chinese, it’s  雅正.  雅/ya = elegance, graceful and 正/zheng = positive, correct, straight, just. 

~Notice how the two parts of the motto contrast one another. Ya is outward, something that dictates how you act. Zheng is internal, determined by your actions and attitudes. Zheng is the foundation of Ya.

~As a related aside, the literary meaning of 雅正 is slightly different; it means to be correct and honest, and to welcome corrections to one’s shortcomings. The literary 雅 is to be proper。

~The meta ends with this beautiful line: 所谓的“雅正”，家族交出来，体雅是表象，心正才是更本。Now to ruin it in translation: “Each configuration of “righteousness,” as taught by the Sect, is outward physical elegance built on the foundation of a moral heart.”

~TLDR: Rebelliousness is a function of Gusu Lan, not an anomaly.

***

Onto some fun headcanons!

~Lan Qiren has personal issues with Wei Wuxian because of his mother, but he is more horrified by Wei Wuxian because Wei Wuxian has all this potential and then uses it to go down the heretial path?? Blaphemous. All that ability, all that work, only to throw it all away? Wei Wuxian is incredibly competent and Lan Qiren begrudgingly respects that competence. What he can’t stand is Wei Wuxian’s lackadaisical attitude towards his cultivation.

~In novel canon, Lan Qiren accepts Wangji and Wei Wuxian’s marriage. He definitely still has issues with Wei Wuxian for being a mass murderer, a demonic cultivator, for desecrating the dead, etc. Also for his general Wei Wuxian-ness. But Wei Wuxian is nothing is not incredibly competent and Lan Qiren eventually softens towards Wei Wuxian because of that competence. Once Wei Wuxian starts using that competence to be useful to the Sect and not just to be as annoying as possible, he gets Lan Qiren’s approval. 

~Secretly, of course. Lan Qiren would qi deviate before saying nice about Wei Wuxian to his face.

~I totally wrote a fic on Lan Qiren publicly defending Wei Wuxian heheh

~Cloud Recesses is only so big and Lan Qiren can’t avoid Wei Wuxian, even if he is never trying to seek him out. Plus, Wei Wuxian has this way of being in the most inconvenient place at the most inconvenient time.

~We all agree Wei Wuxian is a terrible cook. But, is he a bad cook because he adds too much spice, or he is a bad cook because he’s a bad cook? He did manage to cook congee for the ducklings in Yi Cheng without any fatalities. so I’m inclined to believe the former.

~Lan Qiren definitely thinks Wei Wuxian is a terrible cook, especially after hearing about how Wei Wuxian burned a hole in a pot.

~But Wei Wuxian is Wei Wuxian and even if he can’t be trusted with spices (or anything remotely resembling seasoning), he can make plain congee just fine....after some practice 

~Lan Qiren eats this congee and it’s a perfectly good congee. Ideal thickness, light taste, no spices, slides down the throat smoothly and pairs perfectly with his dried zhacai (pickled mustard; a super common Chinese side dish). He asks who made the congee, expecting it to be Sizhui. He chokes when he is told Wei Wuxian is the cook.

~Lan Qiren knows how to be a good parent in theory. He’s just terrible at putting it to practice.

~Jingyi’s parents, when he was still a terrible toddler wreaking havoc everywhere, went to Lan Qiren for desperate advice like “why is our child such a terrible Lan???”

~But Jingyi isn’t actually Lan Qiren’s kid so he actually gives good advice. “Give him a toy, he’ll tire himself out for his nap,” “Let him crawl around, just cover sharp objects and table corners,” and “give him a crushed peach as a reward for walking across the room”

~But he doesn’t know how to talk to Xichen or Wangji as family. He loves them both dearly – obviously he raised them, but they’re also good nephews!! Questionable taste in men aside, they are excellent nephews! He just doesn’t know how to talk to them outside of official sect business.

~Especially with Wangji, He kind of did declare Wangji’s husband a heretic, a traitor, was extra hard on Wei Wuxian as a student, Wangji for visiting Wei Wuxian. And there’s that whole discipline whip thing.

~Which, to be fair, did end up saving Wangji’s life. Raising his sword against Sect Elders and one’s own family is an act of treason punishable by execution. But Lan Qiren can’t just execute his own nephew….he has a heart, even if no one believes it

~33 discipline lashes from the discipline whip is very harsh and Lan Qiren won’t pretend otherwise. But he could gamble that Wangji’s core is strong enough to pull him through. Because the odds of a living, resentful Wangji is better than a dead Wangji.

~They never talk about this. There are a lot of things they don’t talk about.

~Even before, Lan Qiren isn’t a bad parent. He just has no idea how to put his ideas of parenting into practice. He knows what a good parent looks like, he just doesn’t know how to be one.

~So he hides behind the rules because the rules can’t go that wrong, right? Right???

~Lan Qiren is lowkey jealous of Wei Wuxian for knowing how to be affectionate. He definitely thinks Wei Wuxian is too open with his emotions, but he is envious that Wei Wuxian and Wangji are open to each other in a way that Lan Qiren never established with either nephew. They are loyal in the filial manner of juniors to their elders, but Lan Qiren isn’t exactly close to his nephews. 

~In his ongoing attempt to be a better uncle, he ends up getting advice from Wei Wuxian about emotions.

~It’s not like he can go to anyone else. And, well. That congee was really good.

~Turns out Wei Wuxian can brew the perfect pot of tea, too.

~Offensive. That Wei Wuxian is so competent and the least emotionally repressed person in all of Cloud Recesses.

~Eventually, Lan Qiren begins to understand why Wangji is so attached to Wei Wuxian, even if he still can’t stand to be in the same room as Wei Wuxian for longer than 15 minutes. 

~No matter how much he might no longer hate Wei Wuxian, he prefers their interactions in small doses and spaced out.

~But he does learn to bond with Wei Wuxian over cultivation theory. Annoyingly, Wei Wuxian is just too useful to continue to despise. 

[linkspooky]

There Are No True Heroes

Dabi is shown wrapped in shadow as he confronts Hawks this chapter. That is because as his foil, as both of them were abused by the hero system as basically raised as child soldiers under the name of “hero training” they are two sides of the same coin. No one is closer to Hawks than Dabi, because Dabi is his own shadow. Dabi however is not just serving as a shadow for Hawks in a Jungian sense, but as a collective shadow for hero society as a whole. Read More underneath the cut explaining Dabi’s words for how there can be no true heroes in a society that doesn’t save people like Twice or Touya Todoroki. 

1. A Society of Repression

Before getting the ball rolling I’m going to introduce some terms important to Jungian Psychology. 

Jung saw the conscious mind divided in two. This is often referred to as the “iceberg model” because for the same reason that the titanic failed to dodge the ice berg, most people don’t have a true comprehension of personality because there’s much more going on than just what can be perceived in the surface. 

The surface of personality is called the ego or the conscious mind. This is all of the thoughts you are aware of, all of the decisions you make, like your behavior, how you act, what you say, what you think, all of these things are conscious aspects of personality. They’re referred to as consicous because  we can see, look at, control them to some extent. For example people tend to behave differently depending on their environment, you don’t usually swear in front of your grandparents but you might around your friends. The fact that you are choosing how you present yourself means part of personality will always be a performance. 

The unconscious mind is specifically what you are not aware of. It’s everything else that makes up personality. Jung believed the unconscious mind existed in a form called the shadow. The shadow is cast by what the light of consciousness projects, and consists of everything that consciousness excludes. It is the unknown side. If the consciousness is the face, the shadow is the reverse face. 

It’s the difference of who you choose to be and who you are at heart. 

“We can speak of the conscious ego as the subjective personality, and of the shadow self as the objective personality.”

Because one tends to reject or remain ignorant of the least desirable aspects of one's personality, the shadow is largely negative. There are, however, positive aspects that may also remain hidden in one's shadow (especially in people with low self-esteem, anxieties, and false beliefs).

The mechanism that people use to remain unaware of these aspects of their personality is called repression. 

Repression. Repression. The unconscious suppression of psychic contents that are incompatible with the attitude of consciousness. Repression is a process that begins in early childhood under the moral influence of the environment and continues through life. [“The Personal and the Collective Unconscious,” CW 7,]

In general, people have a tendency to avoid rather than confront issues, especially if those issues are personal ones. Repression is a technique of avoidance to try to keep the mind healthy in spite of internal or external stress. Psychologically speaking it’s avoiding the problem. While of course it’s impossible to live life confronting every single problem possible, there’s still a difference between acknowledging a problem and admitting that it’s a problem and dealing with it by simply pretending that it is not there. Repression renders problems invisble by turning a blind eye to them, which is why this meta will be speaking of societal repression on a whole later one.

Jung suggests the idea that repression, having a shadow, being two-faced is not something that certain individuals do but rather something everybody is doing at the same time. In a society of people who all have this unconscious aspect of their mind Jung suggests the collective unconscious exists. 

That the shared human experience of everybody existing within a society will create a collective suboncious amongst these people. The collective unconscious is unconscious ideas of society or life that just seem to be there. The myth of the hero itself is a product of collective unconscious, Jung posits every culture comes up with myths of heroes because that idea exists in some deep layer of our minds and it’s something we all have in common beyond the bounds of personal consciousness. 

So just to summarize quickly you have three layers, personal conscious who you choose to be, the shadow who you are, and the collective unconscious what society is. 

In Jung’s terms absolutely everything has a shadow. 

"The image of God has a shadow. The supreme meaning is real and casts a shadow. For what can be actual and corporeal and have no shadow?"

All Might and All For One are literally a symbolic hero and shadow pairing. All Might is someone who attempts to influence society by being the best hero he can be, All For One tries to control society too through violent methods. All Might is conscious of how he wants to create a peaceful, controlled society but unconscious of the violence inherent in his actions. 

The shadow is something that everyone collectively ignores as well. Someone even points out that All Might’s actions are still violence whether it’s heroic or not and All Might doesn’t even address the argument he just blows it off. In a repressed society the issues that everyone wants to avoid aren’t dealt with they’re insvisible. 

So not only is there an individual repression, but there are also aspects of societal repression. If everything casts a shadow then society itself can cast a shadow. The issues that everyone is avoiding, the issues that everyone is ignorant to will manifest in some way. 

"Unfortunately there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. If an inferiority is conscious, one always has a chance to correct it. Furthermore, it is constantly in contact with other interests, so that it is continually subjected to modifications. But if it is repressed and isolated from consciousness, it never gets corrected."

This is an idea that has been expressed in comics several times before. One of the most famous ones is Rorsharch’s monologue from Watchmen. 

Rorsarch’s monologue is expressing a strictly Jungian idea. If no one attempts to deal with the problems that are inherent in modern day society and effect everybody, then those problematic elements will eventually float to the surface no matter how much they’re ignored. If one person litters it’s not a big deal, but if one hundred people litter then there’s going to be trash everywhere. If people keep ignoring the trash everywhere and make no attempt to deal with it, the problem is just going to stick around until it’s impossible to ignore. 

This is what we are witnessing happening in My Hero Academia as of this arc. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will form up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout, save us! 

The League of Villains are not just characters. They are the manifestations of what has been repressed about society. They are the filth that has accumulated floating to the surface. This is an inevitability with repression. Everything that is repressed will show eventually. 

2. There Are No Real Heroes

Dabi’s statement “There are No Real Heroes” isn’t just him being an edgelord. It’s a genuine response to the trauma he’s suffered. There’s on example from another piece of media I think illustrates this perfectly. 

Dangan Ronpa: Another Episode is a story where children who were abused begin a rebellion first by killing the adults who abused them, and then against the society that ignored their abuse, but they begin taking it too far and slaughter adults who were not involved. 

There is one moment in the game where the main character, a normal girl who has never been abused by an adult confronts one of the children about this. The best argument she can come up with is “Not all adults...” 

The child’s response is to scream: “Then why didn’t anyone save me?” 

If the world is good. If people are just. If heroes exist. Then why did this little girl not get saved? Why was she abused by the people around her? Why did no one else come to help? 

Remember Jung, people are on a whole not as good as we imagine them to be. The heroes in My Hero Academia are the same. We are told that they save people. We are told that they are good and right. Yet we witness countless examples of heroes not saving people. We see heroes being used as tools of violent suppression, rather than saving people. 

There are no real heroes. In Stain’s words, heroes are phonies. That’s because heroes are not as good as we are told they are. Society is not as good as we are told. 

What’s important is that a child is screaming this. What good is a society that can’t save one little girl? How do you expect a child to understand the reasons why they weren’t saved? For Dabi, for Stain, heroes are people who we are told are good but don’t act good. This is especially prevalent for Dabi who was hurt personally and had his entire family destroyed by one of the bad heroes. How is Dabi supposed to believe that heroes are good, when not only does Endeavor who doesn’t care about saving other people only defeating strong enemies is constantly praised as a good hero, but also completely got away with what he did to his family. 

There is Endeavor the hero. 

There is Endeavor’s shadow.

How can one of his victims. Someone who was most likely killed by him really believe that heroes exist when he was killed by a hero? How can he believe society is good when his father is praised by society. This is what repression does it makes people ignorant, and therefore complicit. Endeavor is not just the problem he’s propped up by society as a whole. Even people who are good, well-intentioned people end up supporting Endeavor completely ignorant to what he’s done. 

All might literally not only openly supports a child abuser like Endeavor, but praises him as a good hero, and even reccomends other children like Bakugo and Deku study under him. How much of this is genuine igonrance, and how much is intenitonal negligence? Todoroki walks around with a scar on his face and a clear chip on his shoulder about his dad. All Might doesn’t notice because he’s never questioned hero society before. 

This is something we are shown over and over about hero society. That it thrives by intentional negligence. Shigaraki’s not being edgy once again he’s talking from experience. 

Shigaraki suffers a terrible accident and despite wandering around looking for help at five years old in one of the most densely populated places with several heroes running around not a single person comes to help him. It’s not just ignorance it’s intentional negligence, because Shigaraki’s not a good or virtuous victim, because Heroes don’t save people they beat up villains. They’re a tool for violent suppression. 

All Might acting as the symbol of peace also acted as a symbol of repression. Because there are groups of people who don’t get saved by All Might. People like Twice who will never get saved. How can they call themselves heroes if the weakest, the worst off, the most damaged are always thrown to the wolves. 

3. A Reckoning

What is repressed cannot stay repressed forever. Dabi is covered in shadow this entire chapter, because he’s acting as a stand-in for the repressed id of society. The shadow that is there and is created by the heroes. He even parallels the way Hawks was a few chapters ago.

Another unheroic hero. A hero who doesn’t save someone crying and begging for help in front of them and instead decides to stab them in the back because that’s is what is easiest and most convenient. 

Hawks. Endeavor. Heroes in general, claim to be heroic, claim to never give up. But then don’t bother to save people like twice, even when they’re crying and begging in front of them. We are being presented with heroes as they exist in the ideal, and then the way heroes actually act. Miruko says a hero never gives up, Hawks gave up on Twice and tried to murder him ridiclously fast. 

The light casts a shadow, this is a paradox we’ve seen before with Endeavor too. Hawks sees Endeavor as an ideal of someone who never gives up. 

Natsuo rightfully pointed out that Endeavor gave up all too quickly actually. He gave up fighting against All Might and instead abused his wife and children. 

For every single action there is the light and there is the shadow. However, hero society never acknowledges the shadow and chooses to repress its evils instead of confronting them. It’s not that Endeavor abused his family it’s that he got away with it, not a single person held him accountable. Hawks was taken in by the hero commission in the exact same way that Shigaraki was by AFO, and nobody held them accountable for doing that to a child.

Child abuse is still child abuse even if the “good guys” are doing it. In Jungian ideas if nothing is confronted about society then eventually something will rise up. 

"[The figure of the Trickster] is the collective shadow."

A collective shadow. A collective societal Id. Returning to Rorsharch’s quote it’s quite literally the trash that everyone threw away floating back up to the surface and brought to light. This is why people are moved by Stain’s words, because it is in a way a wake up call to confront what is wrong about society. 

Stain, Shigaraki, Dabi all three of them are manifesting of literal collective shadows of society. They are there to confront what everyone is told is good and show the darker sides to things. 

That is essentially what Dabi is talking about. Dabi himself is not just an abused child, he stands in for all of the abused children who get left behind or ignored by society. 

What Dabi is talking about is a reckoning. The confrontation with the shadow of society that will inevitably happen. The garbage floating to the surface. Dabi is embodying that shadow in his actions. Individuals don’t matter. What matters is the collective will of everybody, all of the outcasts banded together, everything which can be no longer ignored. 

Which is why in a Jungian sense, the league themselves do not matter. Dabi himself does not matter. Not even Hawks matters. What matters is the ideas they represent behind them. It’s why Dabi cannot be killed, because eventually hero society continuing on unchanged will just create another Dabi. 

Individuals and individual suffering do not matter in the face of hero society. That’s what Dabi is angrily reminding Hawks of. He may have just saved a bunch of people by killing Twice, but nobody is going to thank him, his deeds are going to go unrewarded, because in the end Hawks too is somebody as equally disposable as Dabi and Twice. What matters is the ideas they represent, and Hawks has murdered someone in the name of resisting change to the status quo while Dabi is trying to fight it. Hawks too is complicit in the same system that abused him as a child, and his actions do nothing to stop that abuse. 

A reckoning. A fall. A shadow that is not confronted or acknowledged will never change. If it is repressed it will never get corrected. My Hero Academia posits that not only is hero society falling inevitable, it is also necessary. Dabi himself is a villain, but he’s also acting as the shadow of all of the ills of society in order to force society to confront those ills rather than just continue on ignoring them. 

[suncaptor]

thoughts on sam w ocd + the mystery spot ep and how it affected him afterwards

I think one of the important things about the episode to note is how Sam’s symptoms increase significantly under stress or when he has no other way to cope in terms of compulsivity. In the six months where Dean is dead he (in a very stereotypical way, as if written with that stereotype in mind without a full understanding of it) is acting much more compulsive than any other point, and it is like... what he falls back on to cope as well as something that depression/stress/grief makes worse. Which is often true with OCD. I also think this shows a lot of other personality traits Sam has that are somewhat linked into this obsessive way of coping in general, but they’re not as straight forward I guess and they come from his father as well (who is a very obsessive driven person, but I’m not going to go into that), but like how when Jess dies the only way Sam knows how to cope is through dropping everything else and only focusing single mindedly on 1 thing: finding the thing that killed her. He also starts having different obsessions become way more intense around this time that I think define him and all, but again somewhat getting off track (Dean’s way of grieving may also be wrapped up in revenge often, but it’s never the same way Sam’s or John’s is: it’s more a learnt response from them than a drive). Now I’m sorry I’m like not simply going off DSM5 symptoms here I just think they’re extremely limiting on actually grasping how the OCD brain works and responds to stress responses, but more lay a groundwork of noticeable symptoms at the surface.

ANYWAYS I think that like most people if you showed them Mystery Spot would see Sam as an archetype of a neurotic obsessive-compulsive type. Gabriel’s entire like.... goal was to show Sam the inevitability of Dean’s death to try to force some sort of preparation from closure on him, but in the end it was a total failed result.

One thing I think is super interesting about this episode too is the way that it is a time loop, like it is specifically catered to try again and again to get Sam to realise Dean will die and let go, yet no matter how many times, Sam will never stop. Now like, I think on a surface level this is obvious and just because Sam and Dean cannot let each other go (Dean would not have stopped trying for Sam too, even if I think it’d be in different ways), but also like, that is the nature of OCD in a way, like Sam is living through a worst fear again and again, and no matter what he does there’s no way to accept and move on. Now, this is obviously designed for someone to fail because the stakes here are literal (which I think is super interesting about Sam’s OCD constantly: it has literal ramifications and is often allegorical, though in most circumstances it’s a matter of chicken egg and this is obvious). But genuinely, I think you could take Sam’s mind in general and see this sort of nature like it is one of the episodes where you can see his psyche so clearly, how he thinks, how he processes information, how deeply he grieves, how deeply he represses (did Dean ever learn that Sam was just alive obsessively trying to bring him back to life for six months straight?). 

And like, I think it sets season 4 up really clearly: Sam doesn’t care about anything, but trading places in Hell for Dean and if he can’t do that, he sure as hell isn’t going to live without him. The only way, Ruby is able to get through to him is to redirect his helplessness towards objective obsession which like marks all of season 4 because Sam cannot let go of it even after Dean comes back (granted, he has logical reasons, but he always “has logical reasons” doesn’t he? (that being, Lilith is trying to start the Apocalypse)). Ruby is only able to get him to stop risking his life in increasingly suicidal situations while abusing alcohol by redirecting that energy towards killing Lilith. Now like, I think John would respond the exact same way, which by no means means he has OCD, but it just shows this like response set up we see in Mystery Spot. No matter how many times Sam goes through the same experiments (the same thought loops, the same worst fears realised over and over again), he cannot break free of it. And then the fears are realised for real anyways, so it’s reinforced, and his OCD ends up being allegorical (spent his whole life feeling impure? well he has demon blood. obsessively terrified of hurting others to the point of begging his brother to kill him? role in the universe involves starting the apocalypse). There are no logical reasons for his obsessions, and his personality is not actually determined by these factors: his fears just become self-fulfilling prophecies.

So like, I think beyond that of just simply I think anyone could look at Mystery Spot Sam and see a cliche representation of OCD when he’s grieving, the entire premise is set around these manners of taking Sam’s way of thinking and making it physical and manifested literally in front of him.

[beastars-takes]

Zootopia Takes: Darker’s Not Better

The Shock Collar Draft

So, it sounds like people are largely positive on me doing some Zootopia posts on this blog, and I wanted to talk about this tweet I saw the other day:

I’ll punt on explaining why Beastars isn’t “Dark Zootopia”--that’s a great topic for another post. But I would like to talk about why this popular yet stridently uninformed tweet is so, so wrong. Why the shock collar draft was not better, actually.

And obviously, I’m not writing several pages in reply to a single tweet--this is a take that’s been around since the movie came out, that the “original version was better.” It’s been wrong the whole time.

Let’s talk about why!

Part 1: “Because Disney”

Let’s start with this--the assumption that the film’s creators wanted to make this shock collar story and “Disney” told them to change it.

That’s not how it works.

I try to keep stuff about me out of these posts as much as possible, but just for a bit of background, I’ve worked in the animation industry for about half a decade. I know people at Disney. I have a reasonable idea of how things are there.

There is this misconception about creative industries that they’re constantly this pitched battle of wills between creative auteurs trying to make incredible art and ignorant corporate suits trying to repress them.

That can happen, especially in dysfunctional studios (and boy could I tell some stories) but Walt Disney Animation Studios is not dysfunctional. It’s one of the most autonomous and well-treated parts of the Disney Company.

The director of Zootopia, Byron Howard, isn’t an edgelord. He made Bolt and Tangled. He knows what his audience is, and he’s responsible enough not to spend a year (and millions of dollars in budget) developing a grimdark Don Bluth story that leadership would never approve. It wouldn’t just be a waste of time--he would be endangering the livelihoods of the hundreds of people working under him. Meanwhile, Disney Animation’s corporate leadership trusts their talent. They don’t generally interfere with story development because they don’t need to. Because they employ people like Byron Howard.

Howard and the other creative leads of Zootopia have said a dozen times, in interviews and documentaries, that they gave up on the shock collar idea because it wasn’t working. They’ve explained their reasoning in detail. Maybe they’re leaving out some of the story, but in general? I believe them.

But Beastars Takes, you say, maybe even if Disney didn’t force them to back away from this darker version, it still would have been better?

Part 2: Why Shock Collars Seem Good

I will say this--I completely sympathize with people who see these storyboards and scenes from earlier versions of the movie and think “this seems amazing.” It does! A lot of these drawings and shots are heartbreakingly good, in isolation.

I love these boards. They make me want to cry. I literally have this drawing framed on my wall. Believe me, I get it.

But the only reason we care this much about this alternative draft of Zootopia is that the Zootopia we got made us love this world and these characters. You know what actually made me cry?

Oh, yeah.

So let’s set aside the astonishing hubris of insisting Zootopia’s story team abandoned the “good” version of the story, when the “bad version” is the most critically-acclaimed Disney animated feature in the past SIXTY YEARS.

“But Beastars Takes!” I hear you say. “Critics are idiots and just because something’s popular doesn’t make it good!”

Fair enough. Let’s talk about why the real movie is better.

Part 3: The Message (it is, in fact, like a jungle sometimes)

This type of thing is always hard to discuss, in the main--a lot of people don’t want to feel criticized or “called out” by the entertainment they consume, and they don’t want to be asked to think about their moral responsibilities. But it’s hard to deny that Zootopia is a movie with a strong point of view. Everything else--the characters, the worldbuilding, the plot, grows out from the movie’s central statement about bias.

And the movie we got, with no shock collars, makes that statement far more effectively.

To dive into the full scope of Zootopia’s worldview and politics (warts and all) would be a whole post on its own, so I’ll just summarize the key point of relevance here:

Zootopia's moral message is that you, the viewer, need to confront your own biases. Not yell at someone else. No matter how much of a good or progressive person you consider yourself to be--if you want to stand against prejudice you have to start with yourself.

That’s a tough sell! For that message to land, we need to see ourselves in the protagonist.

Judy’s a good person! She argues with her dad about foxes. She knows predators aren’t all dangerous. She’s not speciesist. Right?

Ah fuck.

Let’s fast-forward to the pivotal scene of this movie. In an unfortunate but inevitable confluence of circumstances, Judy’s own biases and prejudiced assumptions come out, and she shits the bad.

Nick, who’s already bared his soul to her (against his better instincts), is heartbroken. But not as heartbroken as he is a minute later when he tries to confront her about what she’s said, and she makes this face:

Whaaaat? Come on, Nick. I’m a good person. Why are you giving me a hard time?

People like to complain about this scene. That it’s a hackneyed “misunderstanding” trope that could be easily resolved with a discussion. They’re wrong. Nick tries to have a discussion. She blows him off.

This isn’t Judy acting out of character, this is her character. Someone who identifies as Not A Racist, and hasn’t given the issue any more thought. This is not only completely believable characterization (who hasn’t seen someone react this way when you told them they hurt you?) it’s the film’s central thesis!

Yes, Nick somewhat provokes her into reaching for her “fox spray,” and her own trauma factors in there, but she’s already made her fatal mistake before that happens.

(As an aside, people also make the criticism that the movie unrealistically deflects responsibility for racism onto Bellwether and her plot. It doesn’t. All the key expressions of prejudice in the film--Judy’s encounter with Gideon, her parents’ warnings, the elephant in the ice cream shop, Judy’s early encounters with Bogo, Judy's views on race science--exist largely outside of Bellwether’s influence. She is a demagogue who inflames existing tensions, she didn’t invent them. Bogo literally says “the world has always been broken.”)

So, anyway. But we love Judy. She’s an angel. She also kinda sucks! She’s proudly unprejudiced, and when her own prejudice is pointed out to her she argues and doesn’t take it seriously. This is bad, but it’s also a very human reaction. It’s one most of us have probably been guilty of at one point or another.

Look at Zootopia’s society, too--it’s shiny and cosmopolitan, seemingly idyllic. Anyone can be anything, on paper. But scratch too deep beneath the surface and there’s a lot of pain and resentment here, things nobody respectable would say in public but come out behind closed doors, or among family, when nobody’s watching. It’s entirely recognizable--at least to me, someone who lives in a large liberal city in the United States. Like Byron Howard.

Wow, this place is a paradise!

Wait, what’s a “NIMBY”?

Part 4: Why Shock Collars Are Bad

So, with the film’s conceit established, let’s circle back to the shock collar idea. Like I said, it’s heartbreaking. It’s dramatic. It’s affective.

It also teaches us nothing.

If I see a movie where predator animals are subjected to 24/7 electroshock therapy, I don’t think “wow, this makes me want to think about how I could do better by the people around me.” I think “damn that shit’s crazy lmao. that’d be fucked up if that happened.” At a stretch, it reminds me of something like the Jim Crow era, or the Shoah. You know, stuff in the Past. Stuff we’ve all decided couldn’t ever happen again, so why worry about it?

The directors have said this exact thing, just politely. “It didn’t feel contemporary,” they say in pressers. That’s what it means.

If anything, the shock collar draft reifies the mindset that Zootopia is trying to reject--it shows us that discrimination is blatant, and dramatic, and flagrantly cruel, and impossible to miss.

And...that’s not true. If you only look for bias at its most malicious and evil, you’re going to miss the other 95 percent.

The messaging of this “darker version” is--ironically--less mature, less insightful, less intelligent. Less useful. Darker’s not better.

Part 5: Why Shock Collars Are Still Bad

So what if you don’t care about the message? What if you have no interest in self-reflection, or critical analysis (why are you reading this blog then lmao)? What if you just really want to hear a fun story about talking animals?

Well, this is trickier, because the remaining reasons are pretty subjective and emotional.

The creators have said that the shock collar version didn’t work because the viewers hated the cruel world they’d created. They agreed with Nick--the city was beyond saving. They didn’t want to save it.

The creators have said that Judy was hard to sympathize with, not being able to recognize the shock collars for the obvious cruelty they were.

Fuck you, Judy!

But we haven’t seen the draft copies. We haven’t watched the animatics. We have to take their word for it. Anyone who’s sufficiently invested in this story is going to say “well, I disagree with them.” It doesn’t matter to them that they haven’t seen the draft and the filmmakers have. The movie they’ve imagined is great and nobody is going to convince them otherwise.

But the fact remains that the shock collar movie, as written, did not work. And, if behind the scenes material is to be believed, it continued to not work after months and months of story doctoring.

There’s even been a webcomic made out of the dystopian version of Zootopia. It’s clever and creative and well-written and entertaining and...it kind of falls apart. The creator, after more than a little shit-talk directed at Disney, abandoned the story before reaching the conclusion, but even before then the seams were beginning to show. How do you take a society that’s okay with electrocuting cute animals and bring it to a point of cathartic redemption? You can’t, really. The story doesn’t work.

Does that mean people shouldn’t make fanworks out of the cut material? That they shouldn’t be inspired and excited by it? Hell no. This drawing is cute as hell. The ideas are compelling.

But I suppose what I’d ask of you all is--if you’re weighing the hot takes of art students on Twitter against the explanations of veteran filmmakers, consider that the latter group might actually know what they’re talking about.

See you next time!

[yukisohmasmokesweed]

heeey... so, might be still a bit early to ask, but: top 10 "things" about season 2? could be eps, moments, characters, things they did, whatever you feel like, literally ur top 10 favorites from it

i interpreted this to mean top 10 moments so....top 10 moments!

10. (from 2x4)

i love this whole fight so much. it’s kind of an unspoken thing after it’s first established that they have to hide a huge part of their lives from everyone around them since it’s a given, so i like this bottled-up frustration over having to live constantly walking on eggshells coming out. i also really really like that we get to see haru acting genuinely scary as dark haru; it’s introduced as a comedic thing and haru is a generally well-adjusted character compared to the rest of the zodiac, and so i like that we get to see just how destructive and chaotic his coping mechanism really is. filmmaking-wise it’s a little boring but i don’t really mind because it’s tense enough that i don’t really notice it.

9. (from 2x17)

this is the only funny one on my list because i live for the drama haha but i like this scene for more than its humor! this episode takes place at a point in the season where yuki has been able to accept that he is allowed to put himself and his recovery first, and has spent enough time with others and pushed himself out of his comfort zone enough to shake off the instantaneous automatic fear of rejection that his social anxiety manifests as. because of the slow undoing of this hardwired reaction and because he’s become very comfortable around kakeru, though, his real, unrestrained personality as well as his actual opinions start slipping out. i like that this scene shows us 1. that he cares for tohru so deeply that he would end a friendship over her getting hurt, even though he thinks it’s childish after he says it and 2. that not even yuki knows what his real personality is like because he’s kept it repressed for so long. and i think for people with social anxiety the reaction to this kind of thing is embarrassment, but despite his embarrassment kakeru accepts what he says at face value because he likes yuki for who he is, not who he pretends to be for other people’s comfort. this is a very sweet moment between the two of them even if it’s buried a bit underneath the humor and kakeru’s easy acceptance of yuki’s more dramatic and snarky side is one of the reasons yuki trusts him so much when it comes to heavy stuff. i don’t love the bg changes to this cartoony thing in fb but in comedic scenes like this one it didn’t bother me, and i thought all of the art in this episode was really nice. this was also one of my favorite voice acting moments from shimazaki, i looooved loved loved him stuttering as he turns around right after he has this revelation, i think it’s super funny and also very natural-sounding, plus it’s a different kind of delivery from yuki but it fits him so well.

8. (from 2x19)

i love this little moment between shigure and hatori. the way they talk about the curse in this scene is very indicative of their characters and how they feel about the curse: shigure is flippant and casual when he says rin visits him to see if he knows how to break it, and hatori is shocked at the idea of it, then instantly becomes resigned, claiming it’s not possible. but this moment right at the end is just *chefs kiss* the way shigure says hatori’s name so weighty, and the delivery of “...do you hear it?” is curious if not hesitantly hopeful, some of my fav line readings in the whole show. i also really love the pan up the stairs back up to the house when he says “the sound of breaking,” the implication of tohru’s involvement in this clear. this scene is also visually stunning and i like the track under it a lot.

7. (from 2x18)

i’m obsessed with this scene and i’m obsessed with every line reading from nakamura, he is so incredible. i thought the art in this scene was gorgeous and every blocking choice was amazing, the body language and where they moved and when was perfect. also one of my favorite tracks off the ost plays under this scene, and i love that it ends just before shigure delivers his line, “i’m the worst.” and rin looks over her shoulder in silence other than the sound of the door(!) sliding closed as shigure exits. you can feel in this scene how desperate rin is and how frustrated shigure’s flippancy is making her. i also really like rin’s body language in general, she’s a good amount touchier than anyone else, and she’s all over shigure in this scene, both because she’s propositioning him but also because of her implied closeness (gure-nii) to him.

this is an excellent shigure scene, and i love these lines included in particular as well as the repeat of them in the finale. it’s a moment of actual self-awareness and self-reflection from shigure for sure, you can tell by his face, but in true shigure form he is not saying it because he’s trying to be emotionally open with rin; he’s saying it to get her off his back. he knows that the curse is weakening but he also knows that the harder he pushes people and the harder they struggle to get out, the more likely the curse is to break. it’s cruel and manipulative and the most painful way to go about things, but hey at least he knows it!

6. (from 2x25)

this whole scene between shigure and hatori in the finale is a super hard hitter; they both know everything about one another and have nothing to hide and they are also very desensitized to cruelty, and so their conversations are incredibly frank, and they don’t skirt around anything, either. i like that hatori doesn’t hesitate to put shigure in his place regarding akito’s status (a good example of hatori as akito’s enabler and the upkeeper of the status quo in order to keep everyone’s lives as calm as possible at the cost of his own happiness), and i like that shigure immediately gives it back by calling out hatori’s attachment to the bond—which is an interesting thing to bring up and speaks to the bond as not just a curse, but of how it is also their family and community. their lives do revolve around it, so the curse breaking would be an unthinkable change to something integral to their existence. 

i chose this moment in particular because it’s a great insight into shigure’s emotional state, one of deep jealousy and pain over akito’s rejection of him. i like that it’s a close-up of his eyes here; shigure’s eyes are important in the reboot, and seeing them here tells us that this is his emotional truth. when hatori calls him out, though, they are hidden again. these lines are also delivered so well, i love how low in his register he’s speaking, it’s not something we hear from shigure a lot. it’s very heavy and very indicative of his pain.

also, i like when they copy things exactly from the manga, so i liked this shot a lot as the closer of the scene:

5. (from 2x21)

ok obviously i had to put this because it’s my favorite scene in the manga...i thought this was very visually beautiful, loved that they had yuki standing in darkness (in front of a door!) and kyo illuminated by the light, but a light from a place he’s not allowed to enter. i think the lighting design speaks to how yuki views kyo, not only when he’s a little older as someone who is naturally charismatic and attractive, but in the moment, as a potential ray of light, a possible friend who could understand his situation through shared life experience. i just love the puff of breath yuki gives in reaction to kyo confirming what akito has been saying to him about how everyone hates him and everything is his fault, and i love yuki’s hands folded in front of his chest, protecting the most vulnerable part of his body as a reflex to words that deeply wounded him. 

i like this scene for its function of the root of yuki and kyo’s conflict: that kyo needs to hate yuki and scapegoat him for his own problems due to yuki’s status in the family, and yuki hates kyo back to protect himself. it’s a very nuanced and deep take on a fictional rivalry that comes from a very realistic place of maladaptive coping and morphs into something more habitual and every day over time. also big love the casting choices for these two as children. this scene was amazing, it’s super short but i like this specific moment in it because it does a great job visually showcasing yuki and kyo’s immediate reactions and emotions to meeting one another for the first time.

4. (from 2x25)

i thought this whole sequence was incredibly well-done, but specifically i loved this part where the music swells and the loom crashes down onto the floor over akito’s repeated lines. also one of my favorite voice acting moments of the season, i loved akito delivering these lines through hiccups and sobs and trailing off into childish crying, and the art and animation was very visceral. seeing akito this out of control was amazing and kureno’s reactions to akito hit very very hard; it’s easy to sympathize with him and see why he would agree to this, and it contextualizes his decision to do so when all we the audience has seen before this is akito’s terrible and abusive behavior. 

i also really liked kureno’s hands coming in towards akito to comfort, it reminded me of this

from 1x9 but flipped; instead of kureno’s hands coming forward to comfort akito but representing his choice to trap himself in the curse, it’s akito’s hands coming from behind to force yuki to stay with akito against his will. they also both cut off very suddenly, which i like a lot.

3. (from 2x8)

this transition makes me go absolutely ballistic. visually i love akito and tohru turning to look over their shoulders in opposite directions, i just think it looks very sexy and it was a cool way to transition out of one scene and into another. i also like the mirrored body language to set them up as each other’s foils in these two scenes. akito brings kureno, who is functionally their love interest, out for a walk and then proceeds to belittle him, his status, and his opinions. tohru goes out with kyo, her love interest, so they can have a nice time at the beach. they have a very open conversation about the “monstrous” aspect to kyo where tohru validates and appreciates his thoughts and emotions. having these two scenes back to back was a really smart move to contrast our protagonist and antagonist and set them up as each other’s foils, and it’s definitely my favorite scene transition in the season.

2. (from 2x10)

i loooove how insanely tense this scene is. i really like that shigure and akito are sitting in silence here until akito starts their monologue in full, and then the track is cut off at its crescendo by kureno’s knocking. the track being bookended by low ambient sound from outside makes it more impactful when it does start playing, and the track cutting off with the knocking makes the sound of akito’s clothes moving as they get up and the door sliding open while the camera is still trained on shigure’s expression deafening. i also like the shot choices in this scene, particularly the close-up of akito’s hands around shigure’s jaw and that we can only see their mouths, as well as the shot of shigure seething but partially blocked by akito’s torso. the voice acting in this scene is also bonkers good, particularly yuichi nakamura’s shigure.

this is the first time the audience has seen shigure mad, not just annoyed or frustrated, and that’s definitely a big part of why i love this scene. his conflict with akito adds a lot of depth to his character and i like seeing a different range of emotion from him than normal. i also just love the introduction of their whole relationship drama love triangle thing going on with the adults, i honestly think it’s hilarious that takaya baits the audience into thinking it’s going to be a love triangle between the teens and it just completely is not but is instead a deeply fucked up one between the older characters. truly a stroke of genius

1. (from 2x8)

i love this whole scene so much. i think cinematically it’s gorgeous, i love that they’re surrounded by greenery and i really like the leaves starting to fall around them and the beams of sunlight behind tohru. those choices could have come off flashy and overdone but i feel the way it was directed was subtle enough that it didn’t feel like ibata was holding my hand through my emotions, but impactful enough that it’s an emotional gut punch every time i watch it. the moment where the flute ends with tohru’s internal line and transitions into strings/chimes mixed with the sfx of the wind rustling through the leaves is beautiful and probably my favorite use of soundtrack this season. 

the reason i love this moment in particular so much is because it so encapsulates yuki and tohru’s relationship. she sees him so clearly and has been in his life long enough to tell that his reaction to rin is a marked change from who he was when they first met. she also knows that yuki working through his trauma over akito is something he needs to do on his own, and that the best thing she can do for him is to support him and show him that she loves him. on yuki’s end, he already knows tohru will support him unconditionally, but he’s now at a place where he’s able to accept it in stride and knows without a doubt that she’s there for him. this little moment really showcases what their whole relationship is about and was gorgeously done. this scene very quickly became one of my favorites when the episode came out and i’m pleasantly surprised that it’s stayed there; in fact, it was totally enhanced by the development of their relationship this season, which has undoubtedly become my favorite relationship in all of fruits basket. i think a friendship as deep as this one is a rare gem in fiction, let alone one between a man and a woman. this whole exchange is very beautiful and touching and a great summation of what they both mean to each other.

[theworldsoul]

Uhh warning VENT!!! Talks about self harm and shit... also religious bullshit and gender bullshit??? Like I'm really trans and also Catholicism really fucked me up so if ur uncomfy with that just... skip this post. Also if ur Christian and can't handle seeing ur shit defaced then skip this post. Also if ur gonna clown on this post as "cringe atheism" then fuck you because I'm literally coping with pain lol

:readmore:

Anways now that the disclaimer is over... here comes the real shit.

I... have been going through a LOT lately, jesus christ. I was HAPPY today, yknow? I thought I was gonna be happy the whole day.

I was dancing today. That's how happy I was. For the first time in like... a whole year... I was really so happy. I thought I was gonna cry. But then I got home. And well,,,, I did cry. But not from happiness. I just got my math grade back. A fucking 49 percent. MY AVERAGE RIGHT NOW IS A 57 PERCENT. I MIGHT FAIL MATH 20. I MIGHT HAVE TO RETAKE IT. oh my god I'm such a failure I cant do anything ever i try SO fucking hard but honestly??? I cant fucking do this. I can't, I'm not mentally capable. "Just work harder"... BITCH I AM WORKING AS HARD AS I CAN. I AM SPENDING HOURS AND HOURS OF MY LIFE STUDYING AND PRACTICING. I'm starting to think that how hard i try doesn't even fucking matter because I'm STUPID and all i know how to do is PAINT SHIT!!!! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ART!!!! IF I FAIL THIS CLASS I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE A HOUSE IN THE FUTURE!!!! A HOUSE!!!!!

I dont even want to be a fucking orthodontist. Okay??? I wanna do what I love: painting. But NOOOO. I have to get a "respectable" job that will "pay me enough money to live". WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO MAKE MONEY TO LIVE??? WTF??? THATS LITERALLY SO FUCKED UP. everyone deserves to live (unless they like murdered someone? I guess? Idk) BUT LIKE I DIDNT KILL NO ONE SO WHATS ALL THIS BS ABOUT WORKING TO LIVE???? WTF??? I rly gotta do all this shit I hate, all this shit I'm mentally incapable of doing... so i can have a house. Fuck this. Yknow with my average at a 57... I might fail this class even if I get a really good grade on my next quiz. Can you fucking believe it??? I'm literally so fucking stupid I cant even pass a dumb fucking math class god i hate myself. I cant fail this class. I've NEVER failed a class. Almost failed... but never HAD TO RETAKE A CLASS. that's the ultimate failure. I think my parents would hate me if I failed this.

And on top of that... I'm really struggling with uhhh, dysphoria and body image... and it's so fucking horrible man I want to rip all my skin off I want to suffocate god I want to KILL him I want to MAKE HIM SUFFER. I want to gouge his eyes out and force him to eat them. WHY WOULD HE MAKE ME LIKE THIS????? WHY????? WHATS THE POINT IN MAKING A CHILD SUFFER SO MUCH???

What did I ever do that was so wrong I deserved all this punishment???

Well FUCK YOU and fuck your stupid book and FUCK THESE STUPID FUCKING SAINTS. WASNT THERE SUPPOSED TO BE A WHOLEASS ANGEL WATCHING OVER ME?? PROTECTING ME??? WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT BITCH NOW?? WHERE WAS THAT BITCH WHEN... when I was being bullied? When I literally wanted to kill myself?

Where was that guardian angel when I kept making THE SAME MISTAKE over and over again and I KNEW it was wrong but I kept doing it anyways because it was the only way I could feel like soemone cared about me????

I bet that angel motherufcker KNEW they didnt care. DID THE ANGEL EVER ONCE HELP ME??? NOOOO. all those times I was bruised and broken... all those times...

Man, I was just a kid. I was SO fucking young. And I would come like a lamb to the slaughter and kneel. I would pray... ask for guidance. I would pray the rosary too, I would read the bible and try my very best to understand it, I would go to church and volunteer at church and do my best to be a Good Boy and never sin. I did EVERYTHING right. I literally fasted at some point, like a religious fast. I was devoted...

Honestly though? I think it was the same mistake I make over and over again, except not with a real person.

And you have me NOTHING. GO GIRL, GIVE US NOTHING!!!!!!! I literally used to self-punish for the sins I couldnt bring myself to confess. At my communion, there was one sin I didn't tell because I knew it was unforgivable. I still hate myself for that. But man, I used to try and do all sorts of things to somehow cleanse myself of it. I figured THAT whole ordeal was why I was constantly being tortured.

But I was stupid and I am stupid and that makes NO SENSE because if the thing I'm being punished for happened when I was a child, WHY DID THE PUNISHMENT BEGIN AT MY BIRTH????

They used to tell me that god handcrafted every part of me specifically for some sort of grand reason.

Why.

Really? This bitch really "handcrafted" me just so I could cry and cut myself nearly every night??? Fuck that. Like why would you make me this way. It hurts more than you can IMAGINE. The only reason I'm not dead yet is because of ME, MY strength, not any of the bullshit YOU gave me. I hate when people say "oh, god made u so hardworking" or "oh, god made you so passionate/hopeful/full of love/fiery/whatever" LIKE STFU BITCH THAT WAS NOT SKYDADDY THAT WAS ME!!!

you wanna know what he made me?

dysphoric, ugly af, yeah.... but the worst part?

He made me feel.

That doesn't sound bad, right? Well it's the worst thing on the list. It is my downfall, my Achilles heel or whatever. This emotions shit??? It RUINED my life. My whole life I was cursed with a fucking monster inside me. I kept trying to tell everyone that it wasnt me!!! I kept telling them that it felt like I was being possessed. But adults are SHIT. I hate adults. I want to kill them all. They failed me and their god failed me. None of them every listened to me. All they knew how to do was punish, punish, punish.

It's like giving an allergic kid some peanuts and then getting angry at them for going into anaphylactic shock or whatever. Nobody ever thought "hey, why don't we stop giving the kid peanuts?"

ALL THE ADULTS AROUND ME ACT LIKE CHILDREN AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE ACTED LIKE CHILDREN FUCK ADULTS

Anwyays that's how I ended up with all these unresolved issues,.... emotion is a tough one, like I literally dont have the ability to control my emotions at all, I can try and like, repress them but I cant make myself actually feel less.

My emotion hurts more than anyone else's and nobody ever understood that. I would tell them that it hurts, it PHYSICALLY HURTS, and they would say I just wanted attention. I would tell them I literally couldnt control what my body said and did, I would tell them I felt like A PUPPET ON STRINGS and no one believed me. Fuck them.

Healthy coping mechanisms? I literally self ship with Snape to cope. I literally self ship with characters my brain made up and put in my dreams to cope. I used to hurt myself so much trying to feel loved and cared about irl. Fiction is so much better. I sound like a loser but its TRUE. The sort of thing I need, the sort of love I need is like... a parent. You can't go looking for a parent in a romantic partner, it fucks everything up and you end up... well, let's just say it proabbly wasnt the most legal thing, but I wasnt thinking strisght at all I mean dude I was So fucked in my head when I did all that...whatever...anyways so thank u for fiction!!! I love fiction. Want to kill someone? Draw it. Then you'll feel much better!!! And you dont go to jail!!!

Well the pics here... idk, it was really calming to do this. It's new, painting over religious shit. I was gonna do the whole bible but I already burnt that shit so.... and I was going to cut but I'm trying really hard to stay clean... like really hard. It's so weird and like, addicting, once I hit styro I don't want to stop, but also it kinda transfers the emotional pain to physical pain, making it way easier to deal with. I just can't keep doing that because I KNOW it's bad and look I thoguht I was clean for a whole year but then I fucked up and WOW, GUESS WHAT MADE ME RELAPSE??? MATH CLASS!!!!

Whatever anyways here are my wonderful works of art I made while crying and cursing god (like I'm so pissed at all this catholic bs I believed in him again just to swear at him lol)

.... but imagine for a moment, a better world. One in whcih these saints whose images I've defaced are actually good people... a world in which they SEE ME AND THEY HEAR ME... and I go unpunished.... and I am embraced by someone who UNDERSTANDS.

I think I would cry.

Too bad that world doesnt exist and I just made it up to try and feel a bit better. Whatever, whatever. I painted the things, they're gonna dry. I work hard, I'm gonna do good on my quiz, I hope. I just have to be making it through, that's all it is, work work work without a break but I can proabbly do it. I'm really slipping I admit like the mental health is slipping it's getting worse like I havent had a "fuck I am afab" moment in such a long time so yeah...

Anwyays I feel so much better now that I did my little art project yknow???

[iseleylaura]

3, 7, and 13 (if you’re okay with it) from the ask game?

you’ve chosen two of my favourite numbers 👀👀 (not for the ask game specifically, just numbers in general lol)

let’s see — I’ll take my time answering these since I have nothing better to do atm!

3🌼Are there any fictional characters you relate to/identify with?

Why of course; this is primarily a fanart blog after all ;)

Marinette Dupain-Cheng (Miraculous Ladybug): Marinette gets SUPER socially awkward, especially around people she finds attractive or is crushing on. If I see an attractive person in public, it’s all over. I guarantee I will make the interaction the most awkward thing. ALSO she is a seamstress! I love sewing, especially cosplay costumes

Sherlock Holmes (BBC Sherlock): Poor bean is just socially and emotionally repressed to the point where he thinks everyone just hates him so he acts aloof as a façade of self-confidence (uhh haha me??). This is how I’ve been like my whole life irl (Internet-me is v different from actual-me). He’s not the best with empathy, and he uses logical reasoning 99% of the time — which is what I innately do too. Both he and I have had to learn how to be compassionate through the very few people we’ve trusted enough to get close. Selfish and unyielding; can’t be bothered to pretend to be interested in something. HATES small talk. Will be rude if necessary. Needy and clingy af from those they want attention from. We also have a hard time recognizing social cues and get very absorbed in our work when we’re passionate about something. Deep down, we’re both just touch-starved biology nerds.

Sophie Hatter (Howl’s Moving Castle): she sees herself as plain/vanilla, which is something that I’ve been told I am irl multiple times and subsequently, believe too. Basically I’m waiting for my Howl to show up and be like ‘nah bby ily.’ She also gets petty aggressive when things aren’t clean and is definitely a ‘if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself’ kind of person, which — same. She doesn’t suffer fools lightly, and neither do I. BUT she secretly loves to dote on the people she loves, even if they are high maintenance

707 aka Luciel aka Seven aka Saeyoung Choi (Mystic Messenger): Is literally just vibing and memeing all day bro. He has an eccentric sense of humor, which isn’t quite ‘lol rawr xD’ but LIKE it’s the contemporary version of it that only the people of tumblr.com can truly comprehend. He is definitely a geek/weeb and introverted af, but can be loud and outgoing when he wants to be (me me me me). Doesn’t give a FUCK about gender — let’s horde all the styles, fem today, masc tomorrow. I wish he were real, because we’d get along so well. Honestly — he’s my fictional soulmate, and I can’t complain about it, because at least he exists in one form, real or not. :’))

Haruhi Fujioka (Ouran High School Host Club): Is perpetually unimpressed by the caveats of corny rich people. Is easily won over by the promise of good food. Literally so self conscious of her own behaviour in situations that she cannot tell if someone is flirting with her or being genuinely pleasant. Like Sophie, she doesn’t suffer fools lightly — which again, I do not either lmfao. EASILY EMBARRASSED. BOTH LIVING IN A PERPETUAL STATE OF MORTIFICATION. We’re both also academically inclined/rational thinkers, though Haruhi is probably most certainly going to be more financially successful as a lawyer than I’ll ever be making my crafts :))))

Merlin (BBC Merlin): Moody introvert, good with hands, falls in love with the sunshine extrovert type (oh, me?). Ends up doing the entire group project, is never rewarded individually for it. Feels constantly overwhelmed with the burden of existing and feels like no one will ever truly understand or know their true motives/feelings. Has a lot of secrets/thoughts they’d never voice aloud for fear of rejection (or being #cancelled). Feels really lonely a lot of the time, but has friends that enjoy his company. LOVES animals; considers animals easier to get along with than humans — hard agree. Also, dragons — aspec represent.

7🌼Describe your aesthetic in emojis.

✨🌿👒🐇🦔🍄🌞🍓♥️

13🌼What is your home situation like?

It’s stable, and has always been relatively. I know I am very privileged in that way, especially with my parents always having been together. I have siblings. I live in a house. I have a degree. I have resources that allow me to pursue my hobbies. We’ve always been middle class people.

However, the recession from 2008 ish basically signaled the downfall of the industry that both my parents worked for. Since then, my mom has only worked on yearly basis, and it’s never guaranteed if she’ll be hired again after each year. My dad, after a decade long period of laying off people, is somehow one of the surviving staff members at his work, and will likely finally get laid off by the end of the year bc of the pandemic (and the inevitable death of the industry, as mentioned above).

For me personally, I’ve been unimployed since last August. Mainly, this is bc I was in college until last December when I graduated. Since the new year, I’ve literally just been at home doing personal projects since I can’t get a job since I graduated literally when the pandemic started.

Also, I realized that I don’t want a job related to what I majored in (lmfao so cliche). I honestly feel very lost as to how to progress with my life because while I have specific things I want to do and become and accomplish, I feel like the odds of them ever happening is very slim. I know in my heart that I need to do something creatively fulfilling, but it’s really hard to make any sort of living with your art or Etsy or YouTube channel or whatever.

So basically I’ve declared 2020 a dud year; and I’m desperately hoping that I can find a job/career/sense of purpose in 2021 :’))))

Sorry for the long response, but I enjoyed thinking these things through for all of the internet to see yay.

thank you for your asks!💞

[arreisstorm]

BTS' Map Of The Soul: Persona

I am always in a continuous state of shock and awe whenever I even begin to contemplate the in-depth philosophical, psychological, and just overall intellect these boys possess.

Not only have they used various works of literature:

Demian- Wings

The Ones Who Walk from Omelas- Spring Day

but they have also been incorporating theoretical science:

Carl Jung's 4 major archetypes

since the very beginning!

And then to use a music industry as big as K-Pop to highlight the importance of knowledge and connect everything together...

That's beautiful.

It's genius!

So let me try and break some of it down now:

Carl Gustav Jung was a famous psychiatrist and psychotherapist who once proposed the theory that everyone's personality consisted of 4 separate entities:

The Shadow

The Anima/Animus

The Persona

The Self

and it was these 4 traits, or archetypes, that were believed to be the reasoning for why we as individuals developed personalities and certain behaviors. He also theorized that when an individual recognized and experienced all 4 archetypes that it would lead to self-fulfilment. So now let's break this down even further but from BTS' viewpoint.

The Shadow

From their debut through Dark & Wild, you can see that these were more chaotic times for BTS as they were trying to let the world know who they were, yet also trying to remain genuine at the same time. It's hard thing to do because, especially when referring to K-Pop, you are told you have to look, act, and exist in a certain way. You are to be idols and to model what's most popular when it comes to societal influence. This is exactly what Carl meant when he introduced the Shadow archetype. It's known to be the darker side of ourselves; the wildness and chaotic version that we use to try to repress some of our more negative thoughts.

BTS experienced the Shadow because they debuted with this "bad-boy" imagine and basically said F the system! Although they still had their personal beliefs and stances on life, they did kind of let themselves become manipulated by others wishes. Even some of the boys have had regrets towards the way they first acted. I mean RM, then Rap Monster, openly expressed how he wanted to change his name because he felt that title no longer applied to who he was. Same for the rest of the boys. They had just started out and were naive and some easily impressionable, no one should blame them for their early days, I mean I'm sure we all have times we look back on not too fondly as well.

The Anima/Animus

Jung believed the next step after the Shadow was the Anima/Animus, which represents the feminine (Anima) side of male's unconsciousness, while the (Animus) is the masculine side for the female's. This aspect was said to bring order or balance to an individual's life. Because we live in a society that is so concerned with separating one's gender as a way to normalize behavior as a whole, it has become almost impossible for us to have said balance because it is "not acceptable"; however, it's important to have those two separations to a person's behavior because it allows us to have positive and negative aspects for each.

Imagine if you had a man who was nothing but competitive and dominating all the time, yet lacked the nurturing skills of a women when it came to showing compassion towards a child or loved ones. Then imagine on the other hand, there's a women who has all the emotional capacity yet let's herself be pushed around and stepped on because she lacks an assertive nature due to said generosity and compassion. Neither one would be able to make it long in this world because they do not possess the balance from both sides to do so.

Relating this back to BTS, you can see the Anima appearing during the Love Yourself highlight reel, although it wasn't so clear to some until now. Most ARMY or casual supporters of BTS simply thought that these girls that appeared in the video were simply some type of love interest or previous relationship they had because including girls in idol groups' videos is nothing out of the ordinary; however, knowing about the archetype Anima/Animus, I have pieced together that these girls were actually not love interests at all, but they represented the boys' feminine part of their unconsciousness.

The reason I say this is because during the HYYH era MVs, you can see the destructive nature BTS are going through. Whether it be destruction of self or of personal relationships, it's obvious that they are still experiencing the first stage, the Shadow, and in order to move past it they must recognize the next one. The girls in the video are seen when the boys are at their happiest, AKA when they are experiencing balance from the uncertainty surrounding their lives. It is here we can see the growth of each member taking place.

(Photo credit: stussyjimin on Twitter)

The Persona

After we have the Shadow and Anima/Animus we move onto the 3rd stage: the Persona. This archetype is one of the most common ones that people find themselves unable to move past.

Societal constructs yet again have a huge part to play in this because we are constantly seeking validation from others in order to appease our own self-conscious tendencies. You see, the word 'persona' in Latin literary means 'mask', which is appropriate because when we reach this archetype we often force ourselves to wear a mask so that others might accept our perceived truths over the actual ones. Whether it be at work, home, in other public situations, or even online we all make the decisions to put on that mask, contradicting our own beliefs in order to seem likeable. These decisions don't even necessarily have to be life-changing, but any minor ones also alter an individual as a whole.

You see, where the Shadow's job is to let us repress our unacceptable behaviors to appear more relatable, the Persona highlights those new changes to keep up the charade of being accepted from what others expect from us. This could more easily be known as "people-pleasing". In order to reach our next stage the most important thing to keep in mind is that we as humans are not simply a sum of our Personas and we must find our true identity within ourselves.

Again, relating this back to BTS, it reminds me of 2 different concepts: Wings and Love Yourself: Tear.

With Wings, I mostly see it in the solos because each one specifically deals with some kind of pain or sadness due to outside influences. For example, in Jungkook's BEGIN, he mentions how helpless he felt during their debut and then how much it hurt him to see his hyungs going through dark times. In Jimin's LIE, he talks about his struggles with starvation and body imagery and how listening to negativity made him spiral out of control. V's STIGMA explains how he often feels like this absent family member to his brothers because of BTS' busy schedule and his inability to be there for them. Suga's FIRST LOVE expands on his depression and how he almost gave up his dream at one point, also turning his back on his first love which is music. RM's Reflection is almost like a conversation with himself conveying his insecurities and how hard he finds it to love himself because of how he's been perceived in the past. Hobi's MAMA, although the more happier track of them all, serves as a love letter to his mom confessing his hardships as well as how much he appreciates his mom for always having his back. Then finally we have Jin's AWAKE, where he pours his heart out about feeling inadequate compared to everyone else, yet he still is going to try his hardest. The boys showed us their personal struggles and how keeping up these charades for so long would end up tearing them apart. They knew they were missing the final link.

Love Yourself: Tear can also be seen in this way. In fact, RM explained that when writing and designing the concept for one of their most popular tracks from the album, Fake Love, he was trying to communicate the fact that, in life, we constantly find ourselves trying to fill a void in order to deem ourselves as whole, and often times this can be filled with love, but that doesn't specifically have to be about relationships. "We're saying that if you're not true to yourself, your love won't last forever. The love could be person to person, it could be between me and myself,".... "It's kinda deep."

See here he means that love doesn't necessarily have to be about a physical relationship, just like the Persona doesn't just have to be about the relationship you have with others. Even if the simplified version is often seen as "people-pleasing", it can also mean, in an inadvertent way, changing yourself or donning a mask in order to fool your own mind into loving those alterations you've made personally. Learning to love yourself and acknowledging your flaws is the only way to reach the final stage.

(Photo credit: dailyhoping on Twitter)

(YAJR#jkc at aminoapps.com)

The Self

The 4th and final stage to achieving personal fulfillment is known as the Self. This means that after having gone through all other areas of self discovery when reaching this stage there should no longer be any traces of doubts or identity loss left.

According to Jung, the Self is most often represented by the wise man/wise woman, especially when it comes to dreams. He once said that if there was a ever a time when a person dreamed of a wise figure, then it was an indication that self fulfillment is right around the corner. This is a lose interpretation though, it doesn't necessarily have to be an old man or old woman, some even think that people who serve as mentors to an individual, regardless of age, can also fit the profile. In the case of BTS however, I do believe that Jung's original idea was more of the inspiration.

If you recall during one of the trailers for Fake Love, there was the Magic Shop where the boys went to trade in objects for others. The vendor in charge of the shop could be considered as a sort of magician, which just so happens to be another character that is said to represent the Self. So knowing that and then if you see in the video that the objects traded by each boy connects them back to previous storylines, or sticking with Jung's theory, previous archetypes that can be used to remind them of hurt, pain, and darker times. The symbolism of this exchange can be interpreted as the boys relinquishing their previous lost identities to finally take that metaphorical step and receive the solution that will finally lead them to the Self.

Actually, if you look at the next MV that follows Fake Love extended version, you will see that it is the last song from BTS' latest album Love Yourself: Answer, Epiphany. The literal definition of the word 'epiphany' means a sudden realization, revelation, or insight, which in terms of the archetype, the Self, this could be a representation of the defining moment that shows BTS finding the final path to self fulfillment and true happiness. I'm not saying they've 100% reached the very top of the pyramid, but I do think that in deciding to make this the last track on the album, they are also treating the words as a personal message to all of ARMY.

This is their genius way of letting everyone know that the only true solution to achieving that final level of a well-developed Self, you must first experience a culmination of all previous archetypes and then integrate them all alongside the last:

One must learn to express hurt and emotions (the Shadow) before they can find a balance within (the Anima/Animus) to help counteract the mask and preconceptions (the Persona) others make us develop throughout life. It is only then will we be wise (the Self) enough to find the hidden truth.

Final Thoughts:

First of all, I want to say thank you if you made it through this whole post, I know its a little long and I truly appreciate it. 💜

Secondly, I want to reiterate that none of this is to be seen as a concrete answer to BTS concepts, song meanings, or their entire creative process as a whole, this is simply my thoughts and opinions and nothing more. That being said though, I am more than open and willing to hear both your theories on the symbolism BTS uses, as well as any constructive criticism you might have concerning this post. So please feel free to leave a comment ✌

Lastly, I have one more thing to touch base on and that is the recent announcement that was the inspiration behind this post being created in the first place. It's been blowing up the internet since it was first released, but in case you might have missed it, BTS has just dropped their comeback date (April 12th!) and the title is Map of the Soul: Persona.

See because I have such an interest in psychology/philosophy and especially loved studying Jung's work, when I first saw the title, and knowing how intellectual these boys are, I couldn't help myself from thinking that this new era could possibly have ties into Jung's 4 Archetypes. This then brought me to revist everything BTS has done up until now to see if I could be right, and that's when I realized they had already tackled the theory on the down low, or at least for most people; hence why I made this post, I wanted to create this in-depth analysis to help others understand the pure genius aspects that goes into BTS' concepts.

Now with that being said, if this new era and concept truly is going to draw inspiration from Carl Jung and his theories, then the above post is nothing more than a simple a taste of what's to come. Trust me, if it's BTS we are talking about, then everything I've said pales in comparison to what their truly brilliant minds can come up with. Either way I can't wait to see what's in store!!!

Thank you again if you read this and please feel free to share or leave your own comments. I would love to hear what you guys have to say! 💜💜💜

[arecomicsevengood]

QUARANTINE MOVIES PART FOUR

It’s wild to watch any movie knowing that none will be made for the foreseeable future, and that the whole collective experience of filmgoing might be dead. I tend to have a certain sad, scared lonely feeling when I contemplate the future at night, and while I attempt to put off by watching movies, it only partly works. Now, more than ever, movies are a larger part of my processing of the world than the ongoing conversations I have with friends.

Smithereens (1982) dir. Susan Seidelman

There is something particularly powerful about movies where people run around, socializing. These things are pretty resonant with my youth, but “youth” in this broad sense that just means “the before times,” because if there’s anything quarantine is bringing home it’s the importance of a form of adulthood based around domestic partnerships with someone you like and having “real jobs” that can translate to telecommuting. Of course, socializing of the sort no longer allowed is really useful, and shouldn’t be written off as youthful frivolity. Smithereens is not a particularly romantic movie: While it might be famous for being “punk” in a “cool” way, documenting young New York nightlife in a way where David Wojnarowicz’s band 3 Teens Kill 4 is on a club’s marquee, it’s really about young people as these sort of upwardly-mobile opportunists with no real talent trying to exploit one another for a mixture of sex and social clout, and ignoring those who are not actively useful to them. It’s a useful document of people being shitty where the appeal now is how cool they look, and it’s interesting to watch in this moment where I’m worried that the whole idea of community will be lost very soon, in a way we won’t even be able to articulate. We’ll all be scrambling for jobs and security but everything will be further hollowed out, and we’ll be left with an even more vicious and dog-eat-dog citizenry. So a movie like this has nostalgic appealing, but by depicting the seeds of what will only become more widespread problems, it avoids feeling dated or idealistic.

Gloria (1980) dir. John Cassavetes

Oh shit this movie rules! I was under the impression I disliked Cassavetes, based on the others I had seen, and watching the first twenty-odd minutes reminded me of why: Sort of circular conversations, involving a lot of people being upset with one another. But this ends up feeling more like a movie, and less like a play. Once Gena Rowlands kills a carful of people I was completely on board. She’s great in this, playing opposite a child, who is also amazing in it, tons of dialogue that should be quotable: “You’re not my mother, my mother was beautiful” being but one amazing bit of poetry. Both extremely cute and extremely badass from moment to moment, the parts of this movie are in tension with one another where it also feels like it’s going from strength to strength, and ever scene, every moment, is great. Incredible music, and also great documentation of a world that doesn’t exist anymore, of telephone booths, smoking sections, and places that’ll develop photos for you. Highest possible recommendation.

The Naked City (1948) dir. Jules Dassin

Seemingly the first movie to be shot on location throughout New York, rather than studio backlots, and it milks the city for all its worth, shifting frequently from one location to another, introducing to new characters. Initially guided by omniscient narration but quickly focusing to become a police procedural. I knew Dassin from Rififi but this feels more exciting, I would gladly watch movies bite the techniques from this every few decades, though Gloria does a good job of moving through the streets of New York in a less-contrived way. There was a Naked City TV show ten years later, shot on location and focusing on a police precinct.

Near Dark (1987) dir. Kathryn Bigelow

I consider this Kathryn Bigelow’s best movie, but circumstances have not led me to watch it as many times as I’ve seen Point Break, so the memories I’ve retained of it were kind of inaccurate: Specifically, the thing I thought of as the climax, the part at the hotel where light is getting shot through the blankets taped up to cover windows, happens like halfway through. Screenwriter Eric Red wrote this at the same time as he wrote The Hitcher, and that’s another one that just GOES, moving from one scene to another where they all have this climactic intensity constantly but the scale is shifting of what you’re invested in? The Hitcher is a nightmare and this is more of an action movie. People point out this movie has a bunch of the cast from Aliens but I didn’t realize there’s a shot where Aliens is actually on the marquee of a theater. I also wonder if this whole horror/action/western/but with vampires thing was an inspiration to Garth Ennis? I kinda feel like the pacing I find so powerful could not really be sustained over the length of an extended comic run.

Hero (1992) dir. Stephen Frears

Dustin Hoffman plays a criminal schlub, doing a weird voice. It’s almost like he was told that the role was written for Sylvester Stallone, but Stallone’s insistence on getting a writing credit on every movie he acts in complicated the premise in a weird way, so Hoffman just attempts a Stallone impression. One of his few redeeming characteristics is he’s a loving father, but that isn’t why he’ll remind you of your dad. Maybe most men are just Dustin Hoffman doing impersonations of Sylvester Stallone! From 1992, so Hoffman’s I guess in a post-Rain-Man mode, but the film also feels very early nineties in its commentary on television news turning stories into celebrities, and an analysis of the problems with professional cynicism that seem very much of their time. It’s not like a more sophisticated critique has found its way into any mainstream film I can think of, we’ve just stopped thinking about these issues, as they’ve become much worse. Joan Cusack’s good as his Hoffman’s ex-wife, and Susie Cusack’s good as his lawyer. I would like to see Susie Cusack in more things! Geena Davis plays a television reporter, Andy Garcia plays a decent guy who is a contrast to Hoffman, there’s also small roles for the likes of Stephen Tobolowsky and Tom Arnold, really placing this in a moment of time.

The Age Of Innocence (1993) dir. Martin Scorsese

I didn’t like this one, for all the obvious reasons: I don’t like costume dramas about rich people, and I don’t like Daniel Day-Lewis. It’s an Edith Wharton adaptation, all about a world of well-mannered old money with very rigidly defined rules of behavior. Michelle Pfeiffer plays the true love Day-Lewis is kept from by the mores of the day, and part of her romantic appeal is she’s able to see through the rituals and make fun of them, while Winona Ryder fully buys into them, and thus reaps the benefits. Everything is repressed, all behavior is affect, this is of course the point but very much not my thing. There’s also a lot of a narrator reading the text of the book while the camerawork fades between lavishly composed image, while the cinematography probably looked great on a big screen I would still be very anxious about getting to the storytelling.

Experiment In Terror (1962) dir. Blake Edwards

This one starts off super-intensely, with a home invasion scene, the sense of horror in this is palpable but the fear is just used as this blackmail structure for some noir stuff? It straggles the genre line pretty well, feeling weird because of this horror energy of sheer creeping malevolence defines it. This is also considerably longer than most of the other film noir I’ve watched recently, because those moments extend and take away from the sense of a building plot, to instead feel like they might derail it. Lee Remick is the lead, and she is this terrified victim, which makes the film more interesting than if it were focused on the cop played by Glenn Ford. The main character’s younger sister gets kidnapped at one point, it gets creepy. The climax occurs at a end of a crowded baseball game, and there’s shots that I assume were done via helicopter, which seems like it would’ve upped the budget considerably.

The Harder They Fall (1956) dir. Mark Robson

Humphrey Bogart stars as a former sports writer, working to drum up publicity for a fresh-off-the-boat boxer who does not know how to fight, but is naively participating in fixed matches, for the economic benefit of the mob. While the boxer is being exploited and making no money, despite his celebrity; Bogart is being well-compensated to sell out his conscience and he is very good at playing a dude in moral conflict with himself, struggling to do the decent thing. While this isn’t the best boxing movie, or the best Bogart, it’s still pretty good.

The Devil And Miss Jones (1941) dir. Sam Wood

Heard about this one in the context of it having good politics. It’s about a rich guy who goes undercover at a department store hoping to bust the union only to realize that the guy organizing the union is supremely decent and the middle manager should get fired. It has some scenes that feel like they might play for “cringe comedy” but also are just so fucked up? One where the rich dude is forcing shoes onto the feet of little girl who is crying saying “I don’t like it! I don’t like it!” feels way too much like a pervert’s fetish for me to be comfortable with. The female lead is played by Jean Arthur, who is very good at playing a genuine, kind, and idealistic person. I am very grateful she dates the union organizer and the old rich dude’s love interest is someone age-appropriate. Interesting to see a pro-union movie from a time when unions were popular, so it functions as populist entertainment while Sorry To Bother You gestures at being radical propaganda for self-congratulation’s sake.

Human Desire (1954) dir. Fritz Lang

Another noir from Lang, with the same leads as The Big Heat. This one made me worried about age-inappropriate relationships too, as it begins with a dude being back from war, moving in with his friends, and their daughter having “become a woman” while he was away. Luckily the title refers  to a desire he ends up feeling for a married woman who as an accomplice to a murder committed by her abusive husband. Glenn Ford stars in this one, and he has this very boring morally upstanding male lead quality that makes these well-made movies feel generic. This thing is happening to me watching movies where I get kind of hung up on how no one ever explains themselves or their feelings: I don’t think they should, I think the whole thing of watching a movie where you watch it thinking like “Why don’t you just tell her you love her??” is interesting because… a writer doesn’t need the characters to explain their feelings to each other if the viewers understand them, these feelings are the most obvious things and so can go unspoken, and so you would really only have them say these things if they were lying or being manipulative? But maybe in more modern movies people really do state their motivations because screenwriters are dumber now? I don’t know.

Fail Safe (1964) dir. Sidney Lumet

I have talked about this movie a lot since watching it, and in a way that doesn’t even mention that the opening is amazing, and the title and credits sequence are all-time greats. Instead I mention that Henry Fonda’s performance seems to have inspired David Lynch’s performance of Gordon Cole, and how the weird, fucked up nightmarish ending doesn’t really change the fact that watching it in 2020 it feels like a sort of pornography of competence when contrasted against our own reality. The whole movie is about an accident that leads to a U.S. military plane flying to Moscow to drop a nuke, and everyone (except for the pilots) realizing this is a mistake and trying to avert global nuclear war. The ending is pretty astounding in its darkness. Walter Matthau plays a guy whose role is to argue for the pragmatic value of mass death, but the moral calculus that ends up being embraced is far beyond the nihilistic death drive he advocates for. Mutually assured destruction is such a motherfucker of a concept. I am really hung up on the idea that unilateral nuclear disarmament never became a thing really set a precedent for how political parties in this country will never unilaterally dismantle their propaganda machines. 24-hour news is a nightmare, not really on a par with nuclear weapons, but similarly something that should be illegal, but for the calculations made. We would be a different country if we were willing to make these kinds of sacrifices but we really are not.

The Deadly Affair (1967) dir. Sidney Lumet

James Mason stars in this John Le Carre adaptation. He plays a spy whose wife is cheating on him, with another spy. None of the twists in this are unforeseen, in fact, the title alone explains a bunch, but the title is also so generic you might forget what the movie is called while you’re watching it. James Mason is good in it, although it’s weird that he’s playing a likable guy who sort of doesn’t seem to understand why everyone can’t get along or be honest adults with one another considering his work in the intelligence community. Another solid Sidney Lumet movie.

Three Days Of The Condor (1975) dir. Sydney Pollack

This movie does a very good job of not explaining things up front, and then portioning out understanding as it goes on. The movie begins with Robert Redford getting his office getting shot up, and we eventually learn he works for the CIA, but he cannot rely on them for his protection. It doesn’t introduce the female lead, played by Faye Dunaway, until like halfway through the movie, when our hero takes her hostage. Redford can’t really explain the situation to her, and just sort of acts like a psychopath, but they are able to have a quasi-romantic relationship where she trusts him because he’s played by Robert Redford, who is in some ways the seventies’ answer to Glenn Ford. The movie star aspect allows him to sell his agreeability, although he’s also supposed to be something of a nerd, a guy whose job is just to read books and analyze the information. Max Von Sydow plays the villain.

The Third Shadow Warrior (1963) dir. Umetsugu Inoue

Watched this because it’s made by the dude who made Black Lizard, it’s a samurai thing about a warrior who employs body doubles. It follows one such body double, overshadowed by the man whose existence he supports, at the expense of his own individuality or happiness. Interesting enough, feels like it occupies the solid middle of samurai movies- Something sort of common to stuff on Criterion is something that doesn’t blow you away but it is definitely a “real movie” at the very least.

La Cienaga, (2001) dir. Lucrecia Martel

That said, you kind of do need to be careful with newer Criterion channel stuff, because some things feel more like they’re just trying to engage with an art house history in order to earn their place in the canon. This movie isn’t bad, but I do feel like the reason it’s interesting stems from a context the film itself has nothing to do with: After Martel made Zama (2017), there was talk of her being asked by Marvel to do a Black Widow movie, which is insane. The studio also volunteered to handle the action for her, which she said she would actually be interested in learning how to do herself, but she had no interest in working with Marvel. Let Lucrecia Martel make a big-budget action movie without corporate properties you cowards! This movie is pretty difficult to follow, with no clear narrative thread, a lot of characters, weird pacing, etc. There’s moments of poetry or tension but this is one of those things that’s just beyond my preferences enough to remind me of a certain aesthetic conservatism I possess. I didn’t finish Zama, though I had read the book. It’s honestly tough to imagine Martel making a movie with straightforward plot that can easily be followed, it doesn’t seem to be what she’s interested in, even in terms of editing a movie so that you have a sense of where scenes stand in relation to one another in time. Many scenes still maintain a sense of beauty or mystery but at there’s no velocity. She’s closer to Apichatpong Weerasethakul or Carlos Reygadas or Bi Gan, to name three people whose names I absolutely had to Google because I couldn’t think of them off the top of my head.

All these movies are streaming on The Criterion Channel, if you want me to recommend things on other streaming services, please DM me your login information.

[merakilyy]

Lan Qiren Meta + Bonus Parenting Headcanons

Hi @chezaru​​! Tumblr is being weird and apparently I type too much for them to let me respond to the ask directly. The robot overlords are confusing idk. But anyway. Some disorganized thoughts on Lan Qiren!

(This is also an expansion of some of the thoughts I stated here.)

A lot of my thoughts on Lan Qiren come from this article breaking down what it means be be righteous (雅正) in accordance to the Lan Sect’s motto. The article is in Chinese so I’ll just sum up some of the major ideas first:

***

~It fundamentally refutes the idea of Lan Wangji as the “black sheep” in the Lan Sect 

~It assumes Cloud Recesses has a highly collective intrasect environment. Children are raised not just by the parents, but by the entire Sect. 

~The Elders raised Wangji and saw him grew up and didn’t have the heart to hurt Wangji, even after he escaped with Wei Wuxian into the cave. Western fandom especially tends to see the elders as strict, conservative disciplinarians who are rigid in their beliefs to the point of hypocrisy. This meta refutes that. It’s unreasonable that Wangji, no matter how strong his cultivation, would be able to stand on his own against 33 seasoned cultivators. So, contrary to popular belief, the elders allowed Wangji to injure them so they would not have to harm a child of the Sect.

~Lan Sect rules are not about what is literally written, but the spirit of the rules. This also makes sense given that when you have 4000+ rules, some rules are bound to contradict one another. And, many rules are quite vague. Eg. “sneering for no reason is prohibited.” Where is the line that justifies sneering? There is none because the idea is not “don’t sneer for no reason,” the idea is “don’t be unnecessarily rude.” In many of the rules, there is room for interpretation and it is this interpretation that is valued over the literal inscription of the rules. 

~Basically, they are not good people because of the rules. They are good people because they are good people. The rules guide them to make good judgement, but good judgement does not comes from following the rules to a T.

~So the function of 雅正 (to be righteous) is internal, not performative.

~It is this internal clarity that makes Gusu Lan “innocent” (the word used is 纯真; 纯/chun = pure, clarity, genuine, practised and 真/zhen = true, real, genuine, clear)

~There is also a long history of Lans being deviant and rebellious. In CQL, there is Lan Yi who invents guqin battle techniques. They are also the only Clan to have been led by a female cultivator. Even Qingheng-jun who is....consent issues galore. He clearly went against orthodoxy by marrying a murderer, but still remains in Cloud Recesses. His punishment is self-imposed, not enforced by the Sect. So there are a lot of rules, but they aren’t pedantic. There is leeway, as seen in Lan Yi, but only within reason, as demonstrated by Qingheng-jun.

~Like his ancestors, Wangji also deviated from the straightforward path but his sect accepted his unrepentant love for Wei Wuxian in the end.

~In the end, Wangji gets what he wants: to live with Wei Wuxian in Cloud Recess. But he only gets this because the elders and Lan Qiren allow him to.

~To allow Wei Wuxian to exist in Cloud Recesses, the Lan Sect has to be more inclusive than we typically see them as.

~Despite everything, Lan Wangji still wants to return to Cloud Recesses because it is home to him.

~This is also my favourite explanation of Jingyi’s Jingyi-ness. Rather than Wangji (and possibly Xichen) singlehandedly creating a space for Jingyi, that space already existed. I don’t think Jingyi is as much of a black sheep as people portray him as because you don’t grow into a Jingyi if everyone is constantly yelling at you to follow rules. CQL Jingyi is plenty sassy, even in front of Lan Qiren, and Jingyi isn’t stupid! He was born and raised in Cloud Recesses, he knows when he is pushing several of the rules and he knows that he has the leeway to do so, and that Lan Qiren will not stop him (within reason).

~”Be righteous” is how the Lan motto is translated in English, but it’s....not exactly what it is in Chinese.

~In Chinese, it’s  雅正.  雅/ya = elegance, graceful and 正/zheng = positive, correct, straight, just. 

~Notice how the two parts of the motto contrast one another. Ya is outward, something that dictates how you act. Zheng is internal, determined by your actions and attitudes. Zheng is the foundation of Ya.

~The meta ends with this beautiful line: 所谓的“雅正”，家族交出来，体雅是表象，心正才是更本。Now to ruin it in translation: “Each configuration of “righteousness,” as taught by the Sect, is outward physical elegance built on the foundation of a moral heart.”

~TLDR: Rebelliousness is a function of Gusu Lan, not an anomaly.

***

Onto some fun headcanons!

~Lan Qiren has personal issues with Wei Wuxian because of his mother, but he is more horrified by Wei Wuxian because Wei Wuxian has all this potential and then uses it to go down the heretial path?? Blaphemous. All that ability, all that work, only to throw it all away? Wei Wuxian is incredibly competent and Lan Qiren begrudgingly respects that competence. What he can’t stand is Wei Wuxian’s lackadaisical attitude towards his cultivation.

~In novel canon, Lan Qiren accepts Wangji and Wei Wuxian’s marriage. He definitely still has issues with Wei Wuxian for being a mass murderer, a demonic cultivator, for desecrating the dead, etc. Also for his general Wei Wuxian-ness. But Wei Wuxian is nothing is not incredibly competent and Lan Qiren eventually softens towards Wei Wuxian because of that competence. Once Wei Wuxian starts using that competence to be useful to the Sect and not just to be as annoying as possible, he gets Lan Qiren’s approval. 

~Secretly, of course. Lan Qiren would qi deviate before saying nice about Wei Wuxian to his face.

~I totally wrote a fic on Lan Qiren publicly defending Wei Wuxian heheh

~Cloud Recesses is only so big and Lan Qiren can’t avoid Wei Wuxian, even if he is never trying to seek him out. Plus, Wei Wuxian has this way of being in the most inconvenient place at the most inconvenient time.

~We all agree Wei Wuxian is a terrible cook. But, is he a bad cook because he adds too much spice, or he is a bad cook because he’s a bad cook? He did manage to cook congee for the ducklings in Yi Cheng without any fatalities. so I’m inclined to believe the former.

~Lan Qiren definitely thinks Wei Wuxian is a terrible cook, especially after hearing about how Wei Wuxian burned a hole in a pot.

~But Wei Wuxian is Wei Wuxian and even if he can’t be trusted with spices (or anything remotely resembling seasoning), he can make plain congee just fine. 

~Lan Qiren eats this congee and it’s a perfectly good congee. Ideal thickness, light taste, no spices, slides down the throat smoothly and pairs perfectly with his dried zhacai (pickled mustard; a super common Chinese side dish). He asks who made the congee, expecting it to be Sizhui. He chokes when he is told Wei Wuxian is the cook.

~Lan Qiren knows how to be a good parent in theory. He’s just terrible at putting it to practice.

~Jingyi’s parents, when he was still a terrible toddler wreaking havoc everywhere, went to Lan Qiren for desperate advice like “why is our child such a terrible Lan???”

~But Jingyi isn’t actually Lan Qiren’s kid so he actually gives good advice. “Give him a toy, he’ll tire himself out for his nap,” “Let him crawl around, just cover sharp objects and table corners,” and “give him a crushed peach as a reward for walking across the room”

~But he doesn’t know how to talk to Xichen or Wangji as family. He loves them both dearly -- obviously he raised them, but they’re also good nephews!! Questionable taste in men aside, they are excellent nephews! He just doesn’t know how to talk to them outside of official sect business.

~Especially with Wangji, He kind of did declare Wangji’s husband a heretic, a traitor, was unnecessarily cruel to Wei Wuxian, stopped Wangji from helping Wei Wuxian. And there’s that whole discipline whip thing.

~Which, to be fair, did end up saving Wangji’s life. Raising his sword against Sect Elders and one’s own family is an act of treason punishable by execution. But Lan Qiren can’t just execute his own nephew....he has a heart, even if no one believes it

~33 discipline lashes from the discipline whip is very harsh and Lan Qiren won’t pretend otherwise. But he could gamble that Wangji’s core is strong enough to pull him through. Because the odds of a living, resentful Wangji is better than a dead Wangji.

~They never talk about this. There are a lot of things they don’t talk about.

~Even before, Lan Qiren isn’t a bad parent. He just has no idea how to put his ideas of parenting into practice. He knows what a good parent looks like, he just doesn’t know how to be one.

~So he hides behind the rules because the rules can’t go that wrong, right? Right???

~Lan Qiren is lowkey jealous of Wei Wuxian for knowing how to be affectionate. He definitely thinks Wei Wuxian is too open with his emotions, but he is envious that Wei Wuxian and Wangji are open to each other in a way that Lan Qiren never established with either nephew. They are loyal in the filial manner of juniors to their elders, but Lan Qiren isn’t exactly close to his nephews. 

~In his ongoing attempt to be a better uncle, he ends up getting advice from Wei Wuxian about emotions.

~It’s not like he can go to anyone else. And, well. That congee was really good.

~Turns out Wei Wuxian can brew the perfect pot of tea, too.

~Offensive. That Wei Wuxian is so competent and the least emotionally repressed person in all of Cloud Recesses.

~Eventually, Lan Qiren begins to understand why Wangji is so attached to Wei Wuxian, even if he still can’t stand to be in the same room as Wei Wuxian for longer than 15 minutes. 

~No matter how much he might no longer hate Wei Wuxian, he prefers their interactions in small doses and spaced out.

~But he does learn to bond with Wei Wuxian over cultivation theory. Annoyingly, Wei Wuxian is just too useful to continue to despise. 

[ineffable-endearments]

Psycho-Philosophy and the Angels, Part III (did you think I was going to escape the id, ego, and superego?)

Part I (Aziraphale as collectivism, Crowley as individualism) is here and Part II (Aziraphale as Adam Young’s collectivist half, Crowley as Adam Young’s individualist half) is here. Other people seemed to like Part I the most so far, which is odd to me because I was way more interested in Part II, but hey! To each their own!

Summary of essays so far: I babble about the notion that Aziraphale and Crowley are figures who represent the harmony of collectivism (investment in the community) and individualism (investment in the self) in the human mind. What they find is exactly the same harmony that helps Adam choose to save the world.

During this next part I’m going to try to figure out which actual parts of the mind Aziraphale and Crowley might represent. Yes, Freud makes an appearance.

Disclaimer: This is not meant to be a discussion about real-world psychological science. It’s about theoretical constructs which make appearances in fiction. Psychoanalysis started as a real-world theory and some people still swear by it, but I don’t. It has made its way into art and literature as well, where I do happen to think it’s interesting and useful.

Summary for people who aren’t familiar with the terms: psychoanalytical theory, a controversial and outdated theory started by Freud and pervasive in literature that involves psychological symbolism, suggests that the human mind is made up of:

the id (totally subconscious, basic drives and instincts, wholly selfish and short-sighted)

the superego (mostly unconscious but often sort of within a person’s awareness; the sense of morality, the “ideals” that adhere to social rules)

the ego (a long-suffering construct which is constantly trying to moderate between id and superego AND cope with the limitations of reality, and which houses the conscious portion of the mind as well as a bunch of unconscious processes).

I do get an “id/ego/superego” feeling from Good Omens. The self-orientation of Crowley is sort of id-like, and the idealism of Aziraphale is sort of superego-like, and the balance of Adam is sort of ego-like.

But critical thought is too central to Crowley’s character for me to be convinced he actually represents the chaos of the id; in a way, he’s really the opposite. Meanwhile, Aziraphale doesn’t trust his own judgment enough to symbolize the superego, and judgment is pretty much the whole point of the superego!

You probably could refer to the roiling, short-sighted chaos of Hell as representative of the human id. And you could probably refer to the rigid rule-mongering of Heaven as the superego. In that sense, with Aziraphale and Crowley as their “representatives” on Earth who agree to balance the two forces, the pair of them actually represent just...the ego.

And you know what the ego is supposed to have in spades to help it cope with all the conflict it has to survive? Defense mechanisms.

I bet we’ll recognize these defense mechanisms in our favorite angel and demon. The concepts can get a bit murky and have been given different names over the years, but I’m sure you’re familiar with the following notions, many of which our protagonists use at some point (ninety percent of the time, it’s Aziraphale who’s doing this, but Crowley has his moments):

repression: it’s carried different meanings over the years. now it usually refers to the notion that an individual knows something about themselves is true, but holds it back or perhaps carefully ignores it. could be anything from a total denial of the truth to the resolution that this truth has to be buried.

projection: having an unacceptable thought or urge but assuming that the object of the thought or urge is actually the one who is experiencing it.

rationalization: a behavior that would normally be unacceptable is explained away in a way that makes it sound entirely justified, if not superior.

splitting: thinking only in extremes, being unable to reconcile between the positive and negative qualities of oneself or other people.

reaction formation: having an unacceptable thought or impulse and then acting out the opposite behavior in a very exaggerated manner.

regression: reverting to a previous stage of development to deal with anxiety instead of taking steps toward a more adaptive way of coping, often because the adaptive way of coping scares the person somehow.

displacement: trying to meet a socially unacceptable urge by replacing an unsafe behavior with a safe one. not unlike sublimation, but the “safe” behavior is usually not very constructive.

sublimation: channeling a socially unacceptable urge into one that is actually healthy and productive.

Note that in this context, “unacceptable thought or urge” sounds really severe and judgmental, but it just means a person perceives their thought or urge is somehow problematic. It might be morally offensive, and it could apply to thoughts or urges that are severe. But it might also just be that the person recognizes that if they were to accept the thought, it would be emotionally painful, or if they were to act on the urge, other people might think badly of them for it.

These aren’t ALL of the defense mechanisms, but it’s some of the ones that I think appear in Good Omens. Maybe I’ll do a post highlighting when I think they appear for Aziraphale and Crowley as individuals.

But for this post, I’m looking at them as a mind united.

If you view them as a mind united, Crowley is the part of a person that wants to move forward, that wants to be true to itself, that wants to be happy. He does represent base desires, in a way, but he’s informed by a logic that is not compatible with the rest of Hell. And Aziraphale is the part of a person that follows the rules, that is trying to be safe, trying to keep itself alive in a world that is frequently unkind to those who are genuine. To simplify matters greatly, you could say Crowley leans toward seeking happiness for the two of them while Aziraphale leans toward seeking safety, although of course they try their best for both and neither wants to see them end up unhappy or unsafe.

It does tie back to individualism and collectivism as well, with Crowley representing desires related to the Self and Aziraphale being highly concerned with those outside, the Collective, in terms of what they will think and what they will do to the Self.

The two of them operating as two halves of a whole is a fascinating thing, because there’s absolutely no question that they do! But they don’t always seem to know it, especially Aziraphale. After all, he cuts Crowley off twice: in 1862 and at the bandstand. He also very strongly refuses responsibility for losing the Antichrist child, and leaves Crowley out of the decision-making process when he locates Agnes Nutter’s book. In all of these situations, Crowley trusts him to be on “their side,” and in all of these situations, Aziraphale pulls away. It appears that he doesn’t understand them as a cohesive unit until the very end.

...Right?

Sort of.

Aziraphale views them as a cohesive unit within the Great Plan, and he thinks that their role is to oppose each other, not to work in harmony. Because he is not individuated enough to figure out how he can separate from Heaven, Aziraphale believes that bonding too closely will destroy Crowley, since if Crowley comes into contact with Heaven, they will Smite him, and if Hell finds out about Aziraphale, they’ll also destroy Crowley. It’s sort of like Aziraphale is that anxious, repressive, protective instinct that’s coating the outside of their psyche, trying to protect it from both the cruelty of the outside world and the impulses deep inside.

So really, Aziraphale has always seen them in terms of a duality, too. It’s just that he starts off thinking they absolutely must be characterized as enemies and orbiting each other at a distance rather than characterized as a partnership.

Aziraphale’s “breakups” with Crowley always involve multiple motivations. He’s usually afraid of getting caught “fraternizing,” yes. He does represent the part of a person who genuinely wants to connect with the collective, and Aziraphale believes he’s upholding the Greater Good by keeping to this model of behavior as well. But the breakups are also protective gestures toward Crowley. They keep him away from Heaven and/or Hell. It’s the same way that people usually suppress or repress their emotional needs - yes, people want to belong, they want to be accepted and play by the rules, but they’re also trying to protect themselves from being hurt by others.

And in this context, Crowley, the individualist and the one who always encourages Aziraphale to think independently, is a very important part of the Self that their metaphorical ego is trying to protect. I suspect that if Aziraphale thought his behaviors would not have consequences for Crowley, he’d be acting very differently indeed, just like humans don’t hold back from pleasure when they don’t believe experiencing it will be dangerous.

The other ways that Aziraphale rejects their partnership, by refusing responsibility for the loss of the Antichrist and by keeping Agnes Nutter’s book a secret, are attempts at maintaining control, not because he’s a controlling individual - in fact, I’d say Aziraphale is happiest when he doesn’t feel like he’s expected to be in control - but because he thinks he can make the two of them safer that way. If Aziraphale accepts responsibility for losing the Antichrist, it weakens his argument that they are on opposite sides. And if he tells Crowley where the Antichrist is, he can’t involve Heaven in their plans because that would be dangerous for Crowley - and yet, he’s convinced that somehow, Heaven is going to swoop in and save everyone.

Aziraphale’s gambit at the bandstand to try and convince Crowley to join Heaven is rather like an individual human being trying to bargain with themselves that they’ll genuinely change something deep down inside so they can be themselves and be socially acceptable. It involves quite a bit of projection, reaction formation, and an attempt at sublimation that doesn’t go very well. The final act of “breaking up” with Crowley is sort of like the defensive part of the ego realizing that if it accepts its urges any longer, it’s going to do something dangerous, so it regresses, represses, and denies a core part of the Self.

Going back to the superego concept up there: the superego is the “ideal” self. If you view Heaven as a kind of superego symbol, and Aziraphale as the superego’s representative, then his allegiance to Heaven broke when he finally realized that Heaven does not match Aziraphale’s own ideal self. He no longer identifies with them. And he no longer thinks either Crowley or humanity should, either.

If Crowley and Aziraphale are an ego formation, then by the end of the story, they’ve negotiated a healthier superego than Heaven.

Like I said in the previous essays, and as Michael Sheen so eloquently explained, you can’t simply divide these two into a pair of halves. They each have a little bit of the other - the thing that the other represents - in them. They are each a complete person, an individual with a relationship to the collective, who has a number of issues, and each ends up reconciling those issues by the end of the story (Aziraphale has a bit more to do than Crowley, but Crowley does work himself out in some ways, too). But the notion of teamwork, of complementing sides and the fact that their differences make them strong when they work together, doesn’t go away.