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Should anyone come looking, I am dealing with a crisis. It’s a rather mundane crisis in the scheme of possibilities, and I’m not in physical danger or injured.
I am however completely overwhelmed and unable to socialise.
I’ll be dealing with this crisis for, rough estimate, 6 weeks. Then recovery for an unknown amount of time, depending.
This is not to worry anyone, it’s to assure you that my distance is not a lack of care or want to interact.
See you on the other side, take care of yourselves until then.
#personal#not ILD#going on hiatus right before now was either amazing timing or fuckin cursed me#last year was also like one crisis after another#at least no one’s dead this time (knock on wood)#anyway I just wanted to fucking write for fucks sake and now hiatus might just be dealing with fucking bullshit while autistic and disabled#my sister was like ‘well when I’m going through it I think at least I’m not bored’#(can you tell we all have ADHD?)#and like I wasn’t fucking bored I was greatly engaged I was having a lovely time just writing and talking to people and seeing my friends#and now everything is… I mean it’s my cat and three of my friends and my housing and their housing and I ONLY SIGNED UP FOR SURGERY AIDE#and like explaining it would take more spoons than I have bc it’s complicated-ish#i am still writing a little bc if I don’t write I’ll die like a shark that needs to keep moving to breathe#just you know… on my phone which is not great or as fast but it’s something#… it’s slightly awkward to complain online now when I first started no one knew me esp no one irl#ah well#I’m pretty adamant I’m not gonna let myself fucking die until I finish this fucking fic#so don’t worry too much
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How has poi changed your life? Genuinely curious, I love this show
I got this ask in May '20 and am only now answering it. :')
part of the problem with answering it is that half of the answer would be to the question of 'how has fandom changed your life' where poi is the fandom I've been the most active in and where fandom made the most difference. and that's a long story
my first draft of this was over 2k words long, and went back much further in time explaining how i had and hadn’t fit into queer spaces and fandom throughout my life. I edited it way back but it’s still long-ish, so you can read it below the break
many years ago, when I got my first full time job in my chosen industry my senior year of college I was so busy that I couldn't function. massive unhealthy amounts of overtime and a toxic work environment. (don't work at tech start-ups, kids!!!) my social life vanished. strikethrough on livejournal happened right then too and fandom, which i’d only been a silent participant in at that point, kind of went quiet for a while and by the time it started regrouping I was so busy that I didn't know about it. several awful years later I quit my job, spent several months in my room in my parents' house trying to recover from massive burn out (see my comment about tech start-ups), and then got a job on the opposite coast and left behind my whole circle of friends some of whom made up my entire connection to the queer community at that time.
making friends after college is very hard when you're an introvert and just generally don't like socializing that much. making queer friends can be even harder since there's fewer places to meet them and there's often an underlying question of dating/sex that hovers around awkwardly when sometimes what you want is just an absolutely no romo/no sex friendship. so while I did make a few queer friends eventually, I didn't have that same sort of community I did before I'd moved and I missed it
(I would be remiss in not saying that the queer friends i made in this time are all amazing and wonderful and some are still my close friends and very important to me. The thing I’m highlighting here was the lack of feeling like I was part of a larger queer community).
fast forward a bit. I get sick. like really really sick. I'm in and out of the ER, I'm missing tons of work, I'm mostly bed-ridden. I think after the last few years people can more easily appreciate how intensely lonely and surreal being stuck at home by yourself non stop can be when you're not used to it. sometime right before that I'd joined tumblr for the sole purpose of looking at cat pictures on my phone during boring meetings. I wasn't really aware that this was where fandom had migrated to (it was in fact possible to use tumblr without intersecting with fandom). but stuck home alone with time to kill I started looking for art and gifs of the tv and games I was consuming and stumbled into fandom tumblr and specifically queer femslash fandom.
I kind of poked around the territory and eventually fell into the carmilla fandom which became the first fandom I actually created content for. a few of my fics had a decent audience and while I was never part of the central core of the fandom I made some good friends there. some of y'all probably followed me back then. I eventually drifted away from carmilla for a lot of reasons I won't get into and stumbled right into poi. this would have been between seasons 4 and 5, late 2015-early 2016.
my health problems get more exciting and I end up in the hospital. I have vague memories of watching poi on my laptop in my hospital bed (vague because I was on a lot of morphine). I actually posted some fic while I was in the hospital (would have been the end of my carmilla run still).
and I get out of the hospital (early 2016) and am somewhat better but it's pretty clear that I'm going to have chronic health issues probably for the rest of my life. my social life, such as it was, was mostly dead, a lot of stuff I used to do for fun was much harder to manage. I'm still spending a ton of time at home (not even counting covid) and I have bad days where I feel terrible and can't do much. but I'll come back to that
I think most of us remember 2016. the year tv show runners fully embraced the bury your gays trope (and sometimes the fridging trope at the same time as a bonus!) and, by autostraddle's tally, 30 queer female characters in tv shows died. and then on top of that we had the actual real world tragedy of the pulse nightclub shootings. it was a massively depressing time all around for queer people
s5 of poi aired that year. I know people have different opinions on s5 of poi, and that's valid. I hated it. and I really intensely hated how it treated root and shaw. there aren't enough words to express how fucking angry I was after s5. or rather, there are 319,678 words.
I wrote a fic many of you may have read called sliding towards chaos that rewrote the entirety of poi from mid-s3 onwards. it got pretty popular lol. I put so much into writing it, too. it was basically a second full time job for me and a great way to take my mind off the fact I was still having health problems and all the crazy shit going on in the world (we had a presidential election in the US in 2016 :)))) it did not go well!)
i'm very proud of writing stc, and even if I think it isn't my strongest writing (which is good! improving over time is good!), it was what really connected me to a lot of other people in the fandom. I felt part of the fandom community in a way I hadn't with carmilla and it was an intensely queer community built around shared interests
one of the problems with finding queer friend groups out in the 'real world' is you're often gathering to meet based on the uniting factor of being queer, and your interests may vary greatly. fandom is amazing because it lets you find queer people who you share all these interests with and who you can bond with over them and collaborate with and that's just so so important. does fandom have a ton of issues and toxicity and bigotry? yes, absolutely. but it also has so much good to offer
through stc and later fics I became close friends with some really really cool people in the fandom (including my favorite writer and my favorite artist). these are people I'm still very close friends with. some of them I've hung out with offline and the ones I haven't are mostly because they live too far away. after years of not having my own queer circle of friends I have found one again and one I can usually participate in even with my health problems and that is such an important thing to me
on a creative front, the fic writing and the gif making I've done have both taught me an enormous amount and been a very positive part of my life. working collaboratively on comics has been one of the coolest things I've done. there is just so much good that came out of me seeing one shoot gif on tumblr dot com years ago and being like hmm looks gay I'm in
and in terms of the actual content of the show, I think a lot of the reason I was drawn to it (other than my lingering crush on fred from angel) was that root and shaw felt so uniquely and wonderfully queer in a way few f/f ships I'd seen had before. shaw being bi and reading as aro to me (I've talked about that here) and root being a chaotic computer nerd just felt so relatable to me and their relationship with each other made sense to me in a way that few others had. and the specific draw that they had for some fans probably has a lot to do with why I found friends in this fandom who I really clicked with
so yeah. I don't know how to sum this up. fandom can be a great way to find your people and engage your creativity and I think that's very sexy
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Just Breathe
A little Ever After (1998) crossover because I am a SLUT for the Renaissance Aesthetic and also for Drew Barrymore and Dougray Scott’s performances.
This one’s for you, @221bsunsettowers and @thecomfortofoldstorries
tw: mentions of past abuse, forced servitude
---
“Friends and honored guests, it gives us great pleasure, on this festive occasion, to not only honor Signore Vesemir...who seems to have disappeared; but also to tell you of a long-awaited decision,” the King began his announcement.
At the back of the party, gossamer wings spread wide behind his shoulders and sparkling blue eyes surrounded by rhinestones, Jaskier stood in terrified silence. This was the big moment. The one where he would bare his soul and his true status in life to Geralt. Hopefully his sweet, caring, introspective Prince would be able to accept him. To love him still, despite his position in life.
“Breathe,” he told himself quietly, “Just breathe.”
“It is my great privilege to announce the engagement of my son, Prince Geralt, to-”
But Geralt cut his Father off, stepping forward and away from the dais where the royal family had been standing. He rushed down the short staircase and across the red velvet carpet to where his darling Julian awaited, his hand outstretched and his breathing shallow. “My Father said you were getting married.”
“He was misinformed.”
“Then you are not engaged?” the Prince gasped, beaming. The servant in noble’s clothing shook his head and laughed wetly.
“No, I’m not.”
“I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life.”
Geralt had assumed that the watery-eyed smile Julian gave him in reply was one of happiness, or else he would have stopped right then and asked the younger man what was wrong. He would have saved them both the heartache of the following hour. The following week. The following month, even.
But the eager Prince was too absorbed in his own excitement; he didn’t stop to ask. He only saw his ethereal love, his Julian, wrapped in the white silk-and-velvet doublet. He saw the lace at the Viscount’s neck and wrists, so teasingly sweet, and the delicate pearl buttons that ran along his wrists and throat. He saw the matching white velvet breeches fastened below Jaskier’s knees, holding up a pair of fine silk stockings. On his beloved’s feet were a pair of embroidered blue-and-white dancing slippers in an old style; the style of Julian’s parents, probably.
“I’ve even invited the troubadours,” Geralt smiled, gesturing at the colorful troupe of guests off to one side.
“That’s lovely, Geralt, but I need to speak with you for a moment before anything else transpires.”
“Whatever it is, the answer is yes!”
“Wait-”
Geralt took the man he hoped to marry by one trembling hand and led him back up to the dais without letting him finish his sentence. Surely the Viscount was shaking with excitement. Surely the willowy brunette knew that Geralt intended to wed him and make him Consort. Didn’t he?
Yet when the handsome Prince looked down into the Viscount’s eyes he saw only raw terror and guilt building there. Like a terrible blue wave about to knock him off his feet. The horror hit full-bore when, a moment later, the Baroness Marx grabbed hold of Julian’s left wing and ripped it from his doublet, throwing the torn gossamer appendage to the ground and stomping on it with her expensive leather dancing shoes. Jaskier cringed; Vesemir would be heartbroken.
“Madame, contain yourself!” the Prince demanded. The Baroness wilted under his glare but only barely.
“He is an imposter, Your Highness. His name is Jaskier Pankratz and he has been a servant in my household for ten years!”
Everyone froze. Jaskier’s heart stopped beating entirely, he was sure.
“Julian,” Geralt swallowed thickly, his golden gaze turning to his one true love. “Tell them the truth. Tell them…”
“He is a devious, grasping little pretender and it is my duty to reveal his lies to you, Your Majesties,” the Baroness continued her speech, curtseying deeply, still standing atop Jaskier’s crushed wing. “I am sorry that he forced me to reveal it so publicly, but I couldn’t let you make so grievous a mistake, Your Highness.”
“Julian?” Geralt whispered. His voice was hoarse and low. Disappointed and tinged with anger. “Please?”
“It’s true,” Jaskier sniffed. A pair of twin tears made their way slowly down over his grimacing cheeks, dropping to the carpet below. “Julian de Lettenhove was my Father. I am what she says.”
“The apple,” Geralt realized. “That was you?”
“I can explain!”
The King interrupted with a growled, “Well someone had better.”
“First you’re engaged…” Geralt breathed carefully, still trying to control his boiling fury. “And now you’re a servant?”
“Geralt, please!”
A shocked gasp rippled through the crowd and the Prince’s posture tightened visibly. His body language changed entirely in the span of a second; he pulled away from Jaskier and straightened to his full height, squaring his shoulders and raising his chin to glare down the length of his nose. The younger man flinched back as if struck, the wing still attached to his doublet shuddered and shimmered in the air.
“Do not address me so informal, monsieur. I am the Prince of Kaedwen and you...you are just like them.”
Jaskier heard the impossibly loud crack of his heart shattering to pieces in his chest. He gasped sharply, feeling an ice-like stabbing sensation echo through his ribcage, and backed away from the dais slowly. His feet tangled with each other when he tried to turn around and he dropped to his hands and knees with a cry. Geralt jerked instinctively as if he was going to help him up but caught himself just in time, going still as stone.
His eyes were still narrowed and his nostrils flared with righteous fury. He couldn’t believe that Julian...that Jaskier would lie to him. The man who rescued him from troubadour bandits and spoken to him openly about philosophy and went swimming in his underclothes in the wilds of Kaedwen and debated life and love with a famous artist as easily as breathing…
The Prince watched as the thin brunette struggled back to his feet and took off at a sprint for the exit. His sobs echoed across the open-air dance floor and filled the torchlit space with the sound of pure anguish. The troubadours were looking on with open disgust written across their features. Just as Geralt was about to break down and go after Jul-Jaskier, the Baroness’s hand closed around his upper arm like the cold iron of a manacle.
“Such a sad day, Your Highness,” she sighed.
Geralt could only nod and wrench his arm away, turning and running in the opposite direction as quickly as his legs would take him. He needed a moment alone.
---
“He is your match, Geralt,” the artist argued. He gestured in the direction of the Baroness’s estate and glowered at the Prince, who sat crouched in the castle shadows, hiding from his Father’s wrath. “Do you have any idea what that boy went through to get here tonight?”
“He lied to me.”
“He came here to tell you the truth,” Vesemir snapped. Geralt looked up; he’d never heard the old man sound so angry before. His thick grey eyebrows were drawn together and his tone was thunderous and low as he spoke again, “He went through Hell to come here. He was beaten. He was whipped. He was locked in a root cellar by that horrible Marx woman and you fed him to the fucking wolves.”
“You walk on water and you make flying machines, yet you know nothing about real life,” the Prince replied. He suddenly remembered last week, when he’d tried to hug Jaskier and the boy had cried out. It wasn’t surprise; it was pain. Jaskier had been...he’d been in so much pain and Geralt had been waxing poetic about politics and love and...Jaskier had suffered to be with Geralt. And what the Prince done in return?
“I know that a life without love,” Vesemir sighed, placing Jaskier’s lost shoe in the Prince’s line of sight. “Is no life at all.”
The old man wandered away, whistling a familiar song as he went. It was the song Jaskier had composed for him in the woods that day, as they’d ridden back to the Marx estate with the rescued painting. Geralt shook his head to clear it; this wasn’t the time for reminiscing.
He had to pledge his heart to the Princess of Redania. He had to do what all Princes had to do: give up their dreams in the name of their country.
---
Geralt burst from the side of the church and ended up running directly into Jaskier’s step-sister, Margaret. “Where is he?”
“Who?” Margaret raised an eyebrow.
“Jaskier, where is he?” Geralt begged. Margaret shook her head sadly and filled the Prince in on everything that had happened over the past few days. At last the royal pulled away, his face twisted in guilt and pain, “Sold?”
“The Baroness didn’t want him around distracting you in case you came to propose to Valdo, Your Highness.”
“Speak of this to no one,” Geralt begged. “And you shall be greatly rewarded. Jaskier spoke kindly of you, Lady Margaret.”
“As well he spoke of you,” she replied. The affirmation of Jaskier’s seemingly endless trust in him only served to pierce Geralt’s heart further; he had betrayed the only man he’d ever loved. He really had fed him to the wolves. And the wolves had sold him to a fucking weasel.
---
Geralt rode up to Count DeStael’s manor and was shocked to find Jaskier already making his way through the garbage-scattered courtyard. He looked completely different than when Geralt had seen him last; or ever. The noble’s clothes were gone. The pearl-knit snood was absent. The velvet doublets and high leather boots were absent. The air of easy confidence that usually swirled around him was also gone. Making his way slowly across the dirty yard in only a tattered blue chemise and dirty brown trousers, a pair of cheap leather slippers laced around his feet and dirt smeared across his face, Jaskier looked incredibly small and fragile.
He somehow managed to shrink even further in on himself when he glanced up at last and set eyes on the Prince. “Hello,” Geralt greeted, swinging down off his horse to approach.
“Hello.”
There was a pregnant pause before Jaskier spoke again.
“What are you doing here?”
“I, uh, I came to rescue you,” the Prince admitted.
“Rescue me?” Jaskier scoffed, stepping past Geralt, “A commoner?”
“Actually I came to beg your forgiveness,” Geralt blurted. His heart leapt hopefully in his chest when the brunette man paused walking away. Slowly, Jaskier turned back to face him. “I offered you the world and at the first test of honor, I betrayed your trust. Please, Jaskier…”
“Say it again,” Jaskier demanded. Geralt could see that tears had sprung to his eyes. The blue of his irises somehow seemed darker, now.
“I’m sorry.”
“No,” the younger man shook his head emphatically. He smiled sadly and sighed, “The part where you said my name.”
Geralt huffed a laugh and stepped carefully forward. Jaskier had every right in the world to reject him right now. He could spit on the Prince’s face and run screaming into the woods and Geralt would want to follow with all his heart, but he wouldn’t. He would let Jaskier go if that was what the other man wanted. But the brunette didn’t move, so Geralt took another careful step. “Jaskier.”
Jaskier’s eyes closed and his chest lifted with the force of his gasped breath. He had never felt so alive before this moment. Hearing Geralt say his name, his real name, even if it was just this once, was heaven.
Even...even if it was just this once.
Jaskier slowly opened his eyes again and let them settle on the Prince’s face.
Geralt pulled his missing dancing slipper from the back pouch at his belt and held it out as if in offering, “I was actually wondering if you could help me find the owner of this rather remarkable shoe.”
“Where did you find that?” Jaskier asked, his hands fluttering out to touch the rhinestone-studded material of his Father’s antique dancing slipper. He thought it had been lost to him forever in his moment of foolishness, a constant reminder of all the loss he’d ever faced. And here it was, safe and sound with Geralt.
The Prince stepped forward until their chests were nearly touching and began to speak in a low, careful tone. Jaskier heard the love in every syllable, “He is my match in every way. Please tell me I have not lost him.”
“It belongs to a peasant, Your Highness,” the servant bit his lip and turned away, stepping over to the low stone wall and leaning heavily against it. He couldn’t support his own weight; he was going to swoon. “Who only pretended to be a nobleman to save another servant’s life.”
“I know,” Geralt smiled softly. He knelt before the commoner and Jaskier gasped, his hands flying to cover his mouth. He shook his head, disbelieving. “And the name’s Geralt, if you don’t mind.”
Jaskier leapt forward and slammed their lips together, kissing his beloved Geralt for all his foolish royal ass was worth. He threw his arms around the Prince’s strong neck and melted when Geralt’s arms encircled his waist in return. Neither man was sure which one of them was holding the other closest and neither wanted to let go. Eventually the Prince stepped away and knelt again. He had to do this right.
“I kneel before you today not as a Prince, but as a man in love.” He slid the cheap, poorly-made leather boot from Jaskier’s foot and replaced it with the bejeweled silk dancing slipper. “But I would feel like a King if you, Jaskier Pankratz, would be my Consort.”
Jaskier burst into happy tears. Real happy tears this time. Tears that ran in rivers down his pink, smiling cheeks and into the dirt below. Tears that Geralt wiped away with the pads of his thumbs, as reassuring and careful as any Prince had ever been when handling great treasure.
Jaskier was overwhelmed with the love in his heart. He wanted nothing more than to bury his face in Geralt’s broad, strong chest and never come out again. He would build a castle between his lover’s arms and find no need to leave. He would, if Geralt would let him, claim the Prince as his home forever.
Never unwanted.
Never a nuisance.
Never a pebble in anyone’s shoe.
He nodded and flung his arms around his Prince once again. Jaskier allowed himself to be swept off his feet and swung through the air. Geralt was kissing him the entire time, wherever the Prince’s lips could reach. His nose, his closed eyelids, his mouth, his cheeks, his forehead, even down his neck and in his hair. Jaskier laughed and laughed, the happy sound ringing through the dark courtyard of the Count DeStael’s grim-faced manor house.
“We, my love, are going to live happily ever after,” Geralt asserted.
And they did.
#geraskier#geraskier cinderella au#geraskier ever after au#ever after#geralt x jaskier#geraskier fluff#past abuse tw#hurt/comfort#angst with a happy ending#angst#happy ending#fluff#romance#geraskier romance#geraskier proposal#bouncey's endless au collection#bouncey's fluff addiction#movie adaptation#geraskier cute#prince geralt#peasant jaskier#cinderella jaskier#prince charming geralt
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Life (of) Surprise (5/6)
Jaskier lies to his family about being engaged to Geralt for the second time… and there are way too many surprises involved.
Part 4 of the Singer and the Sailor AU that no one asked for but I wrote anyway (again).
(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)
V - A Surprise Is Executed
Jaskier is so very in love as his niece sits in his lap.
Zofia couldn’t be more perfect. She’s so curious about everything, so cheerful and full of awe, like a tiny, beautiful sunbeam. From her father Nasir, she got her eyes almost as dark as coal, her medium-brown skin and her raven-black hair, while she resembles her mother – Jaskier’s sister Amelia – in angelic facial features and a mop of curls atop her head. She turns one-year-old tomorrow, which funnily falls on his and Geralt’s wedding day, and Jaskier couldn’t love her more.
With immense fascination, Zofia plays with Jaskier’s necklaces, tugging at them and trying to put them into her mouth. When Jaskier tells her not to do that, she looks up at him, seemingly surprised to find him there, but then recognition dawns on her face and she smiles.
“Unca!” she exclaims excitedly.
Jaskier melts.
“That’s me, Zosia,” he replies, his voice wavering. “I’m your uncle Jaskier.”
Zofia flashes him one more smile before her attention is caught by the floral pattern of his shirt. She grabs at the material and he giggles, explaining the names of the flowers to her. The girl tries to repeat some of the words he says, failing hilariously. As Jaskier laughs at her attempts, he hears another person chuckling too.
It’s only then that he realises that Yennefer has been here with them the whole time.
They are sitting in the comfortable armchairs in the music room in his house. Amelia has gone out shopping together with Rozalia, Ciri and Dara, leaving her daughter in Jaskier and Yennefer’s care. Not that Jaskier cannot be trusted with small children by himself. Yennefer is just a... coincidental backup. She only came here to drop Ciri off so that she would hang out with Dara. Really.
As Jaskier tears his eyes away from Zofia, he’s surprised to find Yennefer gazing at him and his niece... wistfully. The emotion is gone the moment she notices him looking.
“We didn’t get to meet Ciri when she was this little,” she says defensively.
“Would you like to hold her, then?” he offers.
Yennefer’s gaze turns sharp, lightning-like, but before Jaskier can start rambling and take it back, she answers, “Yes.”
He takes Zofia into his arms and carries her to put her in Yennefer’s lap. The girl fusses and begins crying, scared by the closeness of a person she doesn’t recognise. Jaskier crouches at Yennefer’s side and tries to talk to Zofia soothingly. When that doesn't work, he shows her his necklaces and this, at least, distracts her enough to stop her weeping.
When Zofia calms somewhat, Yennefer puts her hand on the girl’s back. Zofia looks up at her and Yennefer smiles so warmly, so beautifully, that Jaskier’s heart flutters a little bit. She talks to Jaskier’s niece in such a soft, gentle voice that Jaskier just sits down right there at her feet and watches her, stunned.
“You’re a sweet child, aren’t you, little Zosia?” Yennefer croons, still smiling, when Zofia touches her locks with a delighted giggle.
“My, my,” Jaskier murmurs, with a certain degree of awe he finds himself unable to conceal, “When one bears witness to you like this, it is not a hardship to believe that you have a heart.”
Yennefer snorts. “Don’t get ahead of yourself,” she replies, not looking away from Zofia.
“Of course!” he laments. “Her affections are held by but the chosen few and alas, I’m not among them. With me, she knows no mercy! Woe me, for she swore to strike me with a near-fatal blow. After all, she’s stolen the heart of my very own guardian angel!”
What he means is Yennefer’s recent relationship with his long-time agent, Triss. Yennefer doesn’t show an ounce of shame about that.
“If you think that everyone’s thoughts revolve around you,” she answers, allowing Zofia to play with the rings on her fingers, “Then I’m slightly concerned for your mental well-being, starlet.”
“Concerned, she says!” Jaskier exclaims. “You wouldn’t be concerned about me even if I were on the brink of death. Such is my miserable fate, despised by the world’s most powerful woman!”
Yennefer sighs in a way painfully long-suffering. “Your dramatics are exhausting, starlet, and I refuse to suffer them. Leave it for tomorrow.”
It is then that it hits him.
“Oh my god,” Jaskier breathes out. “I’m marrying Geralt tomorrow.”
Yennefer gives a very Geralt-like hmm. “Who would’ve thought.”
“Oh c’mon,” he protests, “I’m quite a catch!”
She raises one perfect eyebrow. “It baffles me that some people seem to think so, and Geralt most of all.”
“You’re just bitter, witch,” Jaskier grumbles.
Yennefer actually chuckles at that, her violet eyes glimmering with amusement. Zofia gets bored of sitting in her lap and tries to get off, so Yennefer puts her on the floor. The girl reaches out for Jaskier. He takes her little hands in his, helping her stand up. They make a slow round around the room until Zofia decides to head back to the armchairs, sit on the carpet and play with one of Jaskier’s Gucci slippers.
All throughout, Yennefer watches her with that gorgeous, affectionate smile. Jaskier can see why Geralt was mad about her.
“You two are a very unlikely pair,” Yennefer remarks when Zofia crawls to her and inspects her shoes.
“Yes, well.” He shrugs. “Opposites attract, and all that. I like to think that we’re two puzzle pieces. A perfect fit.”
“Puzzle pieces!” she repeats, barking a harsh laugh. “Oh, starlet, if only it was this easy.”
“Why wouldn’t it be?” he bristles.
“Don’t be foolish,” she chides. “A real relationship starts after three years. Before that, it’s just a romantic comedy.”
Jaskier purses his lips but doesn’t argue; she did spend almost a decade married to Geralt.
“Any advice, then?” he asks jokingly.
Yennefer actually considers it.
“Always be kind to each other,” she tells him, her face twisting with echoes of old, deep pain.
Jaskier only nods. They don’t speak for some time, focusing on Zofia. The girl starts getting moody after not seeing her mum around for such a long while. It’s a miracle she hasn’t got upset much earlier anyway. Thankfully, Amelia and the rest return a few minutes later.
“I think you haven’t shown us the wedding rings,” Yennefer says apropos of nothing after she returns Zofia to the safety of Amelia’s arms.
Jaskier blinks in surprise, realising that she’s right. He and Geralt had them made only two weeks ago. They decided on two silver bands, as gold felt too impersonal, both with a satin finish, Jaskier’s ring additionally encrusted with diamonds. Since Geralt entrusted them to him for safekeeping (and possibly also because Dara is their ring bearer anyway), Jaskier’s been, delicately put, protective of them. He only allowed anyone to see them in pictures.
“I haven’t, actually,” he admits. “Do you want to see them?”
Everyone nods. Reluctantly, Jaskier heads to his bedroom, where the box with the rings is hidden deep in a drawer of his bedside table. He’s more than certain to find them there. His heart stops when he discovers that they’ve somehow disappeared.
Gut-twisting panic rises within him. With shaking hands, Jaskier rakes all the drawers, then looks everywhere in the bedroom, but the box is gone.
“Fuck,” he curses with feeling. “Fuck, fuck fuckitty fuck!”
He more or less runs to the kitchen, where the rest waits.
“I’ve lost them!” he cries. “Help me look!”
Without another look at them, Jaskier goes about rummaging through the whole place frantically. Living room, the two guest rooms, the bathrooms – and still, nothing. He whimpers, wondering how’s Geralt going to react. He’s going to be disappointed, of course, but not surprised maybe, Jaskier did fuck up greatly once already. God, what if –
“Jaskier!” Ciri calls from the living room.
“They’re here!” Dara.
Jaskier rushes to them and sees the rings, resting in their box, on the coffee table, which baffles him so much that he stops dead in his tracks. He’s sure they weren’t there when he searched the room a few minutes ago.
“What,” he says, “the f – hell.”
Dara giggles. Ciri does too. Suddenly, everyone else is in the room, laughing hysterically.
“What’s so funny?” Jaskier demands. “This isn’t funny!”
Between one wheeze and another, Rozalia chokes out, “Of course you haven’t lost them!”
“You guard them like a dragon guards its hoard!” Amelia adds. “It wasn’t easy to take them away from you.”
Letting out a scandalised gasp, Jaskier points an accusing finger in the general direction of his sisters and Yennefer. “You – !”
“Your panic was extremely gratifying,” Yennefer says with a shit-eating grin.
“I hate you,” he grouses, shooting the three devious women a sulky look. “Why would you do that to me?! It wasn’t funny!”
“It was,” Dara objects. Ciri nods in agreement.
“Not you too!” Jaskier complains, throwing his hands up in the air. “You’re supposed to be on my side, young man! I’m surrounded by trai –”
“Just look on the inside of the rings, Julek,” Roza sighs tiredly.
He frowns, taking the bands to inspect them. “There’s nothing on the inside –”
There is, in fact, something on the inside of the rings. An engraving in small, elegant cursive, which wasn't there even a few hours ago.
Lead me, dearest, to the coast of tomorrow
Jaskier swallows hard, his throat suddenly tight. It’s such a sweet sentiment – his own lyric, the words he wrote for Geralt, in Geralt’s favourite song of his, with a lovely twist.
For a good minute, Jaskier is rendered speechless. When he finally manages to speak, he looks at his sisters and whispers hoarsely, “Thank you.”
“Oh, don’t thank us,” Amelia replies. “This was Yen’s idea.”
Jaskier stares at Yennefer, his mouth hanging open.
“The rings were lacking,” she explains with disdain that he sees right through.
Before Jaskier knows what he’s doing, he’s moving. He sweeps her into a tight hug, ignoring her protests about it.
“Oh, witch,” he murmurs to her, “You’re so wonderful.”
“That I am,” she replies. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
He chuckles, giddy all of the sudden. Yennefer shoves him away.
Jaskier laughs harder and blows her a kiss, enjoying her disgust.
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Below I'm gonna vent so y'all can ignore that XD
I'm basically making this post as a timestamp/reminder for myself about Covid2020 and what I had to deal with during it (even though it's still a relentlessly ongoing problem, as of Jan2021, yikes)
Below is my personal experience in switching from working everyday as an essential retail worker to now a stay at home unemployed/leave of absense person. Don't feel bad about not reading it, it's long, boring, and I can't really expect anyone to actually be interested because the struggle is real and who wants to be reminded of the grim reality we can't currently escape? XD
[The Start:]
I was still working retail up until a few months ago because most people left. And being short staffed already before covid at my store, things became an even worse unmanageable nightmare because they started to work the remaining staff to death because no one really knew what to do which sucked and everyone was rightfully afraid of what was happening all around them, plus everyone internally was hoping that this would all blow over in a decent amount of time and we could all return to normal and never speak of it again. Considering Covid started around late January/early February in 2019 and today's date (for my future reference) is Jan 4th 2021, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it certainly has not blown over in a decent amount of time like originally hoped for. Oof.
I was a closer but because of covid my job turned into 'every position at the store and everything/anything that you can possibly get done'. All the stuff from morning team, mid shift, and nightshift rolled into one. Cashiering, phone calls, cleaning, ship from store, backroom, covering multiple breaks, and every department on hardlines salesfloor,
(I did everything except for guest services, food service, clothing, and hr)
you name it XD because most people abandoned ship and Yeeted (which I dont blame them for, t'was a big mood) our store did not hire replacements until literally a few months ago. After I left. Nice.
We were not getting paid any extra, having to stay late, running around with an unending unfinishable list, having to deal with rude customers and cranky bosses, full 8+hour shifts having to wear a mask (even in the break room, and sometimes missing breaks all together because of the large work load) Another problem, my job did not supply masks, proper cleaning supplies, gloves etc to us until an unacceptable amount of time had passed since the start of the virus. Now I didn't expect them to be stocked and fully prepared immediately, obviously.
It was also pretty frustrating getting reprimanded by customers when supplies were low everywhere and some things necessary for existing safely could not be bought anywhere due to high demand, which was only natural, but some people actually acted like it was our personal fault for the store for being sold out of things like hand sanitizer, masks, gloves, toilet paper, and even accused us for holding it in the back for ourselves (which wasnt the case, customers are top priority at our store so the workers usually got nothing to take home or buy, even if we had pulled it from the truck or stocked it ourselves.)
Aside from the excessive draining from normal retail where we already suffer from Karen's and the often unpleasant general public, the Rona made the daily grind even more intense, as if we already thought it couldn't get any worse.
Straying away from that for a second, personal lives were now also affected greatly. Added on top of this new fear/caution/lifestyle was not being able to see my fiance or his family for months because they are all at very high risk. (Unfortunately I am too, but I really needed the paycheck so I thought I had to keep working until the inevitable, which was not looked forward to, but as long as I was potentially exposed with my job we all had to be apart unless I decided to quit and risk not having enough money to pay my bills or survive.)
(Side note for context: My fiance and I have been very lucky enough to see eachother almost every day for 4 years. Surprisingly we have not gotten sick of eachother yet and kept up with that regularity. And though we are engaged, we dont live together, but we do only live 15 minutes away so we just drive over to eachother everyday. Anyway, point being that going months without seeing him at all killed me internally hardcore. This was before zoom was popular and we were not about to resort to Skype. His parents are older and closer to me than my own family and were not comfortable with any form of in-person visits so we usually just did phone calls.)
And eventually I gave up,
I made it halfway through this pandemic working everyday, not seeing the only people I considered family, and I couldn't do it anymore. It literally didn't feel human.
Not to mention this did not help whatsoever with my pre-existing problems, bad depression, anxiety, ptsd, Self h, etc... it was all just getting way too out of hand with more stress piling up daily and taking too big a toll on me to the point where I couldn't deal with my regular lifestyle anymore. I needed a break and a change to severely turn myself around.
So a few months ago I finally went on leave of absence and it was the hardest thing for me to do but honestly the best thing I did. Because everything was so uncertain and I worried about how helpful unemployment would be towards my bills, if I'd lose my job for being gone too long due to an open ended leave of absense for the sake of my health/safety, and honestly I loved my job and my coworkers, but many of them had already left so at that point it became easier for me to leave.
I'm currently making more on unemployment than my job was paying my bi-weekly and doing leagues better mentally, emotionally, and physically, than before when I thought I could last the whole time working through covid hoping I wouldn't catch it and probably die because my health is not 100% gucci in the first place. I was too stubborn to quit until I got to a breaking point and then realised that putting my health/life on the line when I'm at risk during a pandemic for literally no reason other than feeling bad for my one really kind boss (who ended up leaving for a better job anyway right after I left)
in my brain the whole time I figured "eh if I die then I die" but there was a major upside to saying "you know what, fuck this" and leaving.
I've gotten to take up hobbies and do things that I've wanted to do for like 10 years, I improved my financial situation, bought my dream car(A 2004Crossfire), got engaged to the love of my life, had more time to read, write, learn, create, help my fiance record his first official music video, support smaller businesses, get back in better physical health, regain stability, and a new respect for life, health, friends, family, acts of kindness, and how easy things used to be before covid and how it was unintentionally taken for granted.
Not gonna lie, at first I was pretty mad that people on unemployment made more than essential workers, but I also knew that it wasn't their fault for their personal situations or reasonings for needing it. The problem was mainly that many Companies/jobs could have done more, treated essential workers better, given more help, compensated financially, offered forms of protectionagaint the virus, or done literally anything extra at all to help employees who were struggling or who stay to continue working there during a terrible pandemic, and some companies/jobs have done good things for their workers in response of the outbreak which is awesome.
Workers should absolutely be compensated for their extra efforts, time, and pleasant attitude in this difficult time, and treated better than they are. Some things should 1000% be different but some things in this world are still a work in progress.
And also, for people with health issues that are at risk but working anyway for whatever reason, there shouldn't be any shame felt for taking care of yourself or by the people who have to go on unemployment, those who can't work, lost their jobs, need help or a break, or just can't do it anymore, because it hits hard when you realise that even though your effort is important and you're doing your best, playing an important role in society, you could also be risking your health/life or even possibly someone you live withs, for a company that will replace you pretty easily if you're suddenly gone.
I worked at my store for 4 years, was extremely hard working and did everything and anything I could to stay as long as I could during this, but I realised that I'd rather not risk myself and be treated how I was.
Ultimately, the sad reality is that covid has some people forgetting that humans (whether working or not) are humans too that can die or fail at any time given the current circumstances. Some situations are unavoidable like a pandemic, but we can do our best with whatever reality we meet, whether it's being essential the whole way through like some are able, and knowing your health well enough to be able to judge what's best for you individually for now.
but regardless making sure you're not taking yourself for granted in the process.
I'm lucky enough to not have gotten covid yet, and I hope it stays that way.
If your job isnt doing what it can for you in this time, dont be too stubborn about staying
Its not worth risking yourself for your job honestly, and I really hope peoples jobs do as much as they can for those they employ.
If you aren't working, do something with your time that you'll remember (safe things obviously) and if you are still working keep up the awesome progress, stay safe, and be blessed. ❤
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Nervous Regrets - Tyler Seguin - Part 1
Requested: No
Word Count: 1263
Note: This is the first imagine I’ve ever posted. New to this whole Tumblr thing but love the fanfics that are out there. I majored in math, not english lit, so don’t kill me on all the grammer. Feedback it greatly appreciated.
Song Inspiration: Nervous by Gavin James
POV: Tyler
Warning: swearing
She was here. You weren’t really surprised. In fact, you half expected it, as this was where you met her one year ago. What you didn’t see coming was the flood of emotions seeing her evoked. God you missed her. She had been everything good in your life and you’d fucked it up.
One year ago, she had been standing at that bar; the same one she was standing at now. She had been wearing black then, as opposed the burgundy dress she had on now. Both fit her like a glove, hugging every curve and dip in her body. You could remember the feel of that body underneath yours writhing in passion; and hear her moans as she came. You remembered that small little mole she had on the inside of her thigh that you nibbled every time you made your way up to her sweet little pussy. You licked your lips remembering the way she tasted.
How had things gotten to this place? You standing in the shadows watching her every move; lusting after the woman who was once yours. You’d fucked up, that’s how. In one stupid night, you’d let some stupid girl ruin the best thing that ever happened to your life. But you couldn’t really blame her could you, it was your fault. You should’ve never been there in the first place. (Y/N) had been out of town for work. You were bored without her, so you gave in when your friends had decided to celebrate the win your team just had. The club was a place you’d used to frequent; not so much once (Y/N) had walked in to your life. You didn’t need to go; she was your everything. Yet there you were laughing and drinking with the group. Women swirling around you like you were some prime piece of meat at a buffet table and they were all starving. None of them wanted to really know you. They just wanted you for your name, your money and maybe your status. They were the exact opposite of (Y/N). It should have annoyed you; but instead it fed your ego that night, all these stupid, young girls giving you attention.
You can’t remember now why you did it; maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the heady feeling you had receiving all this female attention. The truth of it was, you were nervous; scared knowing that (Y/N) was endgame. From the moment you met her, you’d knew she was the one. The fact that every time you walked past a jewelry store a month after meeting her and started looking at engagement rings for her only confirmed the fact. But that night, not having her by your side, those nerves got the best of you. You started doubting that you could be with one woman for the rest of your life. So, what did you do? Prove that fucking theory right. It was beyond stupid letting that twenty-one-year-old draw you outside around the back of the club. The blow job she gave you wasn’t even satisfying and you regretted it the moment her lips touched your cock. By then it was too late. Her friends hiding around the corner snapping shots of the two of you. You heard the click, and it was like a bucket of ice water being thrown on you. You shoved the girl off of you, anger bubbly up at both her and yourself.
The pictures of you and her surfaced all over Instagram the next day. None of the damaging photos from outside showed up, but there were still ones of the two of you dancing, laughing and one of you kissing her. The blonde claiming that she was your girlfriend. She had text you and told you not to refute the claim or the other photos would be out. So, when (Y/N) came home sobbing, you hadn’t known what to say. You tried to explain, but of course she wouldn’t hear any of it. Not that you could blame her. She packed her things, leaving for god only knew where. You hated yourself in that moment. Hell, even your dogs hated you. You’d tried to reach out to her, explain what had happened and how incredibly sorry you were. All you wanted was another chance. It was too late; the bond of trust had already been broken. That was less than three months ago.
Now, there she stood. Looking as beautiful as the day you first saw her. You saw her laugh; it was fake though. You could tell even standing at this distance. You knew what her genuine laugh sounded like, it haunted you every night in your dreams. That’s when you saw him. You’d been so focused on her you hadn’t noticed him standing there, until he rested his hand at the small of her back. He looked familiar, but you weren’t sure why. In the recesses of your mind you knew he was some prominent guy in Dallas. You’d seen him in one of the boxes at the games. Knew that he came from money; the Rolex on his wrist confirming that.
Your hand curled into a fist, angry that he would make such a possessive move on your woman. But she wasn’t yours, you reminded yourself. She used to be. Every fiber of your being screamed at you to walk over there and make things right. You’d go right now, fall to your knees and beg her forgiveness; if you thought she’d take you back. Her love had been the one constant thing in your life; even if your relationship had been a whirlwind. You needed it back, almost as much as you needed air to breath. Everything was suffering without her; you, hockey, even relationships with your friends had all gone to hell without her. You’d become a recluse, not going out or even having friends in. This was the first event you’d been to, since she left. Hell, it was the first time you’d seen her. And now that you had, you knew you couldn’t live without her.
How to get her back was at the forefront of your mind? You stalked her, watching her every move; waiting until she was alone to approach her. You had no clue what you would say to her when that moment happened though; a simple “I love you” wasn’t going to cut it. The moment the opportunity came, you seized it; taking long strides to reach her. Until there she was standing in front of you. Your heart beating out of your chest. God you wanted to rip it out and just hand it to her. If you gave her all of yourself would it be enough? Would she even want it? Your mouth was dry, when you went to open it; hoping to God the words that came out would be enough. But it was her voice that spoke first, a hush whisper; just your name “Tyler.” It was a benediction, a prayer. Something you’d been craving to hear since the moment she closed the door on you.
“(Y/N),” it was all you could say at the moment. A range of emotions played across her face; anger, hope and last but not least love. That small little flicker, gave you the optimism you were looking for. Maybe there was still a chance; you latched on to that spark. It wouldn’t be easy and would take time but you had nowhere to be except here with her now and every day after that if she’d let you.
#nhl imagines#nhl imagine#tyler seguin#tyler seguin imagine#tyler seguin imagines#dallas stars#dallas stars imagine#dallas stars imagines#fanfic#nhl fanfic#hockey imagines#hockey imagine#hockey fanfiction
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Dark Horse
You guys, OMG, thank you for the support. I’m finna post here the first chapter of the fic I asked y’all’s opinion on. It’s also finna be on AO3 ‘cause I’m trying to test out how many fics I can post there before it kicks me the f out (that’s a joke). Here it be, loves. Here it be.
Warning: long af; violent as f y’all
The start is the same that I posted before, but I did add quite a bit to finish the first paragraph.
Surely the nazis were the only issue that needed dealing with, right? There wouldn't be anyone else: no Billy Boys, no Italians, no Jews, no nothing. Everything would be perfect, if only Mosley fucked right off and did not insist that fascism was the only way forward. The United Kingdom could not descend into the kind of chaos that warranted ghettos, mass murder, and work camps. No one in their right mind could vote for something like that, no one in their right mind could support something like that. That would be the worst possible mindset for the aftermath of the New York crash, and even someone who was borderline illiterate could see that. Besides, Tommy said so, and despite their grievances, Tommy was still the smartest of them.
Well, the answer was no: the nazis were not the only issue that needed dealing with. In fact, they weren't even the most pressing issue for the Shelbies and their personal safety. That award would go to Georgia Gold, better known as Gigi. She was made even more terrifying by the fact that no one had ever seen the youngest of the Gold clan, although they'd heard bits of information here and then. This time, though, they'd been told that Gigi, along with a group of five people, was making her way to Birmingham. An eighteen-year-old girl coming to a city was normal, as was bringing some friends along was.
Only Gigi Gold was not interested in partying. What she wanted was her father's corpse, and revenge. Revenge against the nazis? No. Revenge against whoever killed her father? Maybe. Revenge against the Billy Boys? No, that was dealt with. Revenge against the family which had gotten her father killed? Yes. That logic was probably flawed, but she obviously did not give half a shit. In her head, Aberama had been hired by the Shelbies, had even gotten engaged to one of them, and then had gotten killed while at their service. Same went for Bonnie, her only brother. Now, the average eighteen-year-old traveller woman knew her way around horses, but her main skill had to be pushing out healthy children. That being said, was this an impending threat? A serious threat on their lives? Well, yes, yes it was. Because Georgia Gold was classed as a psychopath by the good people of Swansea, where she used to camp out. The newspapers were obsessed with the creature, selling copy after copy with rumours and even with some truth, when something of the criminal sort happened.
Knowing the girl was on her way caused for a rush toward Shelby Manor: Finn ran, Arthur took his son Billy by car, and even Ada and Karl decided to come up from London.
"Why would she do this?" Ada asked, pacing around the living room, honestly thinking that it was all a bit too much. She'd read the news, and thought that it was hilarious that a person named Gigi caused such panic.
"She's daddy's girl" Arthur joked, choking on the ice on his whisky. "She is rotten on the inside. Far more rotten than her dad"
"Rotten?" Finn asked, clutching his gun to his chest, looking at the windows as if Gigi Gold herself was going to come in through there and kill them all on sight. "What do you mean, she's rotten on the inside?"
"He means she goes on killing sprees when she's bored, and bathes in childrens' blood" Arthur replied, sitting on an armchair, with his son on his lap. Only then did the oldest Shelby realise his own son, and other three of those present, were children. "It's a rumour, it's not true"
"Fucks sake, Arthur..." Ada sighed, head on her hands. "Of course she doesn't do that" she added to Karl, who looked like he was about to cry. As for Ruby and Charlie, they seemed to be numb, probably a bit too used to their father being threatened.
“She does though” Tommy muttered, so quietly only Arthur heard him. “Not children’s blood, but she does bathe in the bloody of people who’ve wronged her. And that would be us”
“I’ll take the children upstairs” Lizzie exploded, barely believing the depth of shit they were now in. If some crazy bitch laid one single nail on her children, Lizzie would be the one bathing in the blood of her enemies, and that was a fucking promise.
“What can we do?” Finn asked, clenching his hands into tight fists, as to not let anyone else see he was shaking. “Anything? Will she get us, no matter what we do?”
“No, no. We’re ready for her, and Johnny Dogs managed to get a message to her. Gigi will parlay, we’ll have a chance to remind her that we too suffered great loss, and that…”
Tommy didn’t get the chance to finish what he was saying: the sound of horses arrived to the Shelby Manor library, and every single one of them rose from their seats, but remained paralyzed, frozen in their place, not knowing what to do.
“Sir, there’s a… a… a young lady at the door. She says you’re expecting her” Frances informed. She had been told there was a group of people expected to arrive soon, but didn’t know anything else. Perhaps the only piece of information she possessed that none of the Shelbies did was the appearance of the visitor, which had made her hesitate before letting the shockingly young woman enter the manor.
“I am. Please, send her in” Tommy responded, smoothing his shirt over his chest, and giving his family a final look before Frances returned. Their hearts beat in synch, in a rapid pace, their palms wet with sweat. Even Tom, the confident head of the business, and of their family too, seemed nervous. She would’ve been searched at the door, there was no idea she could bring weapons to the inside of his home, she had said she would parlay; but what if it all went to shit? What if… what if one of them didn’t leave that library? What if Gigi Gold was every bit the monster she was made out to be, and what if she decided to make an example out of them, out of the children? It had been so stupid to keep the kids at the manor, they should’ve gone to Finn’s, to Arthur’s, to the betting shop, to Johnny Dogs’ camp, to Charlie, anywhere but under the same roof as Georgia…
“You must be the Shelby family. It is an honour to meet you in person, thank you for welcoming me into your home” Gigi Gold said, entering the room and stealing the oxygen from everyone’s lungs. She was young, had dirty blonde hair, that became bright red near the tips. Her limbs were slim, like she didn’t eat enough, and never had; she had eyes the colour of the sky on a sunny day, and lips the colour of blood. Whether it was makeup or not, it wasn’t important: she looked like she wouldn’t hurt a fly, let alone do things that warranted protection.
“Georgia… or is it Gigi? Which one would you prefer?” Tommy asked, the only one capable of functioning normally, and of walking up to the visitor and shake her hand.
“Whichever you prefer, mister Shelby” Gigi replied, looking around with a mildly interested look on her face. Her eyes lingered on Ada, and then on Finn, who had never been more uncomfortable in the days of his life. Not only was the way she looked at him enough to instil pure fear in his heart, but she looked at his face first, only to move on to his neck next, probably plotting to bite him and suck his blood. “Are these your siblings?”
“Yes, yes they are. This is Ada, that’s Arthur, and here’s Finn” Tom explained, signalling each of them. “We had another brother, named John, but he passed away”
“My condolences” the young girl said, shifting her attention from Arthur to Tommy. He offered her a chair, and she took it, soothing her dress over her thighs. The garment was black, a bit worn down in some places, but well made, nonetheless.
“We extend the condolences to you, Georgia. For your brother Bonnie, and your father. He meant a great deal to us, and to my aunt Polly in particular. He was a true friend of this family, and he is greatly missed” Ada decided to go ahead and get it out of the way.
“Thank you” the visitor said, bowing her head slightly. Whether she wore heavy black because she was in mourning, or it was just her colour of choice, none of them knew; what was for certain was that, upon further inspection, it was slightly stained near the hem. “I came to your home to discuss the matter of my father’s corpse. I understand he’s been buried in Birmingham cemetery”
“He has” Tom nodded, convinced that the lavish tombstone would appease the man’s family. “I can take you to see his resting place, if you’d like”
“Yes, I would appreciate it, thank you. But Thomas, you understand that I didn’t come all the way from Wales to see my father’s tomb. I can see that you do, and your siblings too” Gigi warned, crossing her legs at the ankle, and looking down at her riding boots, before looking at each of the Shelbies, one by one, again.
“I understand that, and that’s why I asked you here, so we could talk, before any rash decisions are made”
“It took me well over a week to get here, Thomas; my decision has been pondered, and thoroughly discussed” she countered, hands on her lap. The two of them looked like they were discussing a business deal, and not whether or not Gigi could go ahead and butcher every single member of that family, men, women, and children.
“And what is your decision, may I ask?” Arthur interrupted, unwilling to be left out of that conversation. How was it possible that Tommy hadn’t killed Georgia the moment she had crossed his property line? Why were they still talking, instead of shooting her?
“Who murdered my father, Arthur Shelby?” Gigi asked, shifting her attention to the oldest Shelby, and silencing him with the look she shot him. He no longer wanted to talk, he no longer even wanted to be where he was; he wanted to pick up Linda and Billy, and run to the furthest possible place from Birmingham.
“We don’t know that, Georgia, but we are working on finding out who it was” Tommy informed, clutching his glass of whisky. “All we ask is for some patience, some collaboration even; once we find who it was who betrayed us and killed Aberama, we will hand him, or her, or them, to you”
“Mister Shelby, I don’t think you understand: don’t you think I’ve waited long enough? Haven’t I got enough questions? My sisters are broken, mister Shelby. My sister Esmeralda cannot get out of bed, such is her grief. Bonnie was a sweet boy, and my father may have had his flaws, but he gave us life, and brought us up. We had already lost our saint of a mother, and now we lost a brother and a father. How do you think I feel, to know I lost two family members the second they started working for you?” Gigi asked, not blinking one single time.
“Will killing us solve anything? Will killing us bring them back?” Ada responded, desperate to know whether she would have to live in fear for the rest of her life, or even if she would make it through the night.
“No, I don’t believe it will, Ada Shelby. But wouldn’t you want revenge against the people who put your family in harm’s way?”
“Oh, please! Your father was a killer for hire, little girl. He would’ve ended up dead whether he worked for us or not” Ada dismissed, waving her hand to emphasize her words. “And your brother, Bonnie? With the fights and all that? We didn’t force him into any of that, and he would’ve been gone sooner or later”
“We would rather it be later, than at twenty-two years of age. How old is your kid brother? That one there, with the gun. How old is he?” Gigi enquired, signalling Finn with her head.
“I’m twenty-one” the boy ended up responding, his voice hardly noticeable at all, such was the fear running through him. Finn wasn’t exactly the bravest of the Shelbies, nor was he the sharpest; but one thing he knew for sure: he had a gun, and if his life was in any type of danger, he would have to gather his strength and so something against that demon.
“How would you feel if I shot him dead, right now? Wouldn’t you want me dead, Ada? Wouldn’t it be lush to see me bleeding out on the floor? Wouldn’t you want to rip my heart out and eat it raw for dinner?” Gigi hissed, getting closer and closer to Ada, who couldn’t help but to notice that what seemed to be a red hair tint was actually a liquid, something sticking to the other woman’s hair, making it that colour. And there was really only one thing which smelled like that, that looked like that.
“Yes, I would. And it’s still not too late for me to see it, if you do as much as lift a finger to any of my family, I will have it done and dusted before the day ends” Ada threatened, crossing her arms in front of her chest and looking Gigi Gold right in the eyes.
“Oh, I would love to see that” Gigi herself uttered, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “Why are you the only one with a pair of balls, eh?”
“Don’t parlay with a man if you want effectiveness, darling. Come to me, and we’ll find a way to get this over with, in a manner that serves the both of us”
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I have so many feelings about the Church of Interruption, okay.
I adapt my conversational style based on who I’m talking to. If I’m talking to someone who is part of the Church of Strong Civility I will respect that, but fuck I’ll hate it. I hate nothing more than when someone else is waffling on and on and will not stop, and will not let me cut in. I find it annoying when people talk for the sake of talking. Yes, I get it, now shut up.
Church of Interruption is especially something that people with ADHD and autism can relate to, I think. If you have ADHD, the Chuch of Strong Civility will drive you apeshit. If you’re autistic or have ADHD, then you know the shame and embarrassment that comes with talking about a hyperfixation with someone who doesn’t interrupt. If you’re talking about a hyperfixation, and the other person interrupts, it’s so much easier -- they’ll either interrupt to finish your sentences and add more to it, which leaves you feeling encouraged and enthused, or they’ll interrupt to change the subject. But if they don’t interrupt at all it leaves me feeling like I’ve bored them to tears or that they’re just humouring me, and I think a lot of autistics and ADHDers can relate to that.
And as someone with ADHD... conversations that are turn-based are so exhausting, because they’re not at all stimulating. I was listening in on a turn-based conversation last night for Reasons and it was so difficult to stay tuned in and all I could think sometimes was “yes, we get it, now shut up so the other person can have a turn.” In that household interruption is the height of rudeness, but it’s okay to hold the spotlight and refuse to share it until you’ve finished, regardless of whether or not people understand you.
And that works for them, and it’s okay! They don’t see it as rude to keep on talking if the other person already understands. That’s how they work, that’s valid. Different to me is not bad!
My household is the opposite -- when my family has interacted with more turn-based people they’ll roll their eyes about how the other person is waffling and won’t let them cut in, and that they’re being selfish to keep talking. We talk to each other in half-sentences and jump rapidly back and forth, and if we deny each other the right to jump in it’s considered an asshole move because “yes, we get it, now shut up for a moment.”
It’s just different. It’s not superior to turn based conversation, it’s just different because that’s our family culture and how we’re wired, just like how other people are wired not to interrupt. We stop talking to show respect when the other person is ready to talk, and other people show respect by letting others finish.
I think it’s especially relevant if you’re female and you’re trained to not interrupt, but men interrupt you all the time, and the best way to deal with that is to interrupt them right back with an “I wasn’t finished.” Because yes, that is an interruption. Church of Interruption doesn’t mean you can’t interrupt an interruption, it doesn’t mean the other person interrupts and now you have to shut up. It means that the other person is making a stab at what you’re trying to say, and if they’re wrong? You cut in again with a “no, no, no, what I mean is -- “ and that continues until the other person Gets It. And how do you show that the other person has Got It? You stop interrupting their interruptions. What is considered rude is to continue talking when they clearly understand you.
I prefer those types of conversations greatly. It’s a personal preference. You don’t have to agree because you might be built in another way, and that’s okay! But that means we’re going to drive each other crazy. For me the most fulfilling conversations are when we’re both finishing each other’s sentences and going in a quick, back and forth banter. I can keep up with that. I can’t keep up with slower paced conversations because my brain switches off, and I find neurotypicals are notorious for that. They speak so slowly and I can’t keep up with that because my brain races ahead, finds that the track of conversation has run out (because I can’t continue it yet), and then wanders off after shiny things.
I’ve noticed there’s a trend that if you interrupt, you’re rude, but it’s not rude to keep talking when the other person already knows what you’re saying. It’s like city VS country, tbh, where in the city you’re considered rude if you take up the other person’s time too much. In conversations, this same dichotomy exists -- to an interrupter, if you’re wasting people’s time it’s considered your privilege to do so, and it’s the height of rudeness to cut into that. To someone who’s not an interrupter, it’s the height of rudeness to not allow them to take their time.
But as the article points out -- if we’re not built for each other’s style it can get frustrating. If you’re Meek, you don’t want to talk to people who interrupt you because interruption makes you feel like shit, like what you have to say doesn’t matter. And that’s also valid. If I quickly realise I’m talking to a Meek person I’ll do my best not to interrupt them because that’s not how they’re wired, and I don’t want them to feel like shit. In fact I default to trying not to interrupt people whose conversation style is not quickly apparent, and I think a lot of interrupters do the same.
So like, there’s no One Right Way. It’s okay to be different to people, and prefer to talk to and engage with people who speak and listen the same way you do. You don’t have to bend other people into your style -- as long as you respect each other when you inter-communicate, it doesn’t matter. Maybe today you can’t handle interruption. That’s fine. Maybe tomorrow you choose to let it happen and interrupt right back even though you’d rather not.
But whatever your style is, it’s okay. You get two interrupters together, you two don’t have to go for something turn-based just because “it’s rude not to.” Just fucking cut into each other and have fun like the way you both want to. I’ll respect your feelings if you prefer not to be interrupted, because I don’t want you to feel like garbage, but if I’m talking to another interrupter then fuck it! Let’s interrupt each other!
SO YEAH I HAVE FEELINGS OKAY YOU’RE ALL VALID I LOVE YOU I’LL SHUT UP NOW.
#Dusty has opinions#long post#TL;DR YOUR STYLE OF COMMUNICATION IS VALID OKAY#actually ADHD#you might notice I'm repeating myself a lot#in meatspace you'd have cut in before that happens#the repetition is because ''oh the other person hasn't interrupted so they haven't got it yet''#it's not something I consciously thought about#until I read that page#and realised that it was a Thing I did.
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Survey #249
“every wall that i knock down is just a wall that i’ll replace.”
Has anyone done anything nice for you today? Nothing in particular. The last time you hung out with your sibling(s), what did you do? We visited our mom in the hospital. Fun. Have you ever been so lonely, you cried? Oh, plenty of times. Have you ever given homeless people money? No, not that I've ever really had money to give. Do you usually bring or buy a lunch for school? I absolutely never buy from the cafe, I'll tell you that much. The price is fucking ridiculous; it's a standard number regardless of how little or how much you eat. Fucking $8 or so for a goddamn hot dog or something. I always either pack something or Mom and I drive over to McDonald's. Does it bug you when you want something done, and it doesn’t get done? Ugh, yes. Have you ever tried so hard to save up for something, but it was too hard? I don’t think so, no. I've rarely been in a position where I'm saving up for something because I rarely have any money on me. The last time you had sex, was it in their bed or yours? Hell if I remember. What was the last pill you took? One of my morning meds for my mood. If you were to have sex right now, would you use a condom? Yes. What’s your sexuality? Have you ever questioned it? How old were you when you figured out you were definitely straight, or bi, or whatever? I'm bi, though I grew up believing I was straight. I became definitely sure in '17. Do you fit in at work or in school? I don't care enough to think about this. Were you ever a fan of macaroni & cheese? Do you like Kraft dinner? BITCH yes that's my shit. Is there a laundry basket in your room? If yes, what color is it? Not currently, but all of ours are white. Have you ever read a book all the way through in one day? Not like, a big book. What would you do if you found out your last ex is engaged? Be very confused. Do you get along with your significant other’s family? N/A, but for anyone I've ever been with where I knew the family, we got along fine. Have you ever gone horseback riding? Where? Not really, just at like, fairs. Have you ever cried at a real wedding? Yes, but it was due to PTSD more than anything else. Who was the last person to be on a bed with you? Well I sat with Mom on her hospital bed. What were you afraid of the most when you were a kid? Thunderstorms or being separated from Mom. Depends on the age. Do you know how it feels to be cheated on? No. Do you have feelings for someone right now? How strong are those feelings? And does that person have feelings for you, too? Yes; "controlled" is the best way to put it ig; and idk. Who’s the last person that told you they loved you? My mom. Where was your Facebook default picture taken? The living room. What’s your brother(s)/sister(s) names? Misty, Katie, Bobby, Ashley, and Nicole. Do you like to cuddle? Yeah, if I like and am comfortable with that person. Are you currently reading a book? Yeah, amazingly. What’s on your mind? Way too goddamn much. Does any part on your body hurt? Not right now. Do you have nightmares a lot? I have nightmares/terrors on an almost nightly basis (I wish I was exaggerating) by now and it's fucking old. Who was the last person you texted? Sara. Think a lot before you fall asleep? It consistently takes me at least 20+ minutes to go to sleep because my brain doesn't shut up. What’s your favorite thing to have on your bed? MY CAT Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? Probaby like Wal-Mart. It's just a tank top. Last people you went to the mall with? Uhhhhh my mom and my sister I think. Are there any stressful situations in your life? Mom's cancer diagnosis is going to be my end in the stress department. Do you go to the bathroom with the door open or closed? Depends on where I am/who else is present. Where did you get your last bruise/cut from? Roman was playing a bit too rough with my hand. Did you cry at all today? No. Who was the last person you hugged? Mom. What is the last gift someone got you? A gift card to either Dairy Queen or Sonic, can't remember which. Is anyone on your bad side right now? No. Did you have a dream last night? A nightmare where I woke up crying/screaming that I physically couldn't kill myself for some reason I don't remember. And I remember Jesus was in there somewhere. Bro idk but it made my throat hurt like a bitch. Ready for kids? NOOOOOOOOOO and I assure you I never will be. What’s one thing you do when you’re mad? Cry, easily. Do you like where you live? No, fuck this house. Like, we *need* to move. How often do you lose your voice? Extremely rarely. I have to be sick as hell. Are you a good babysitter? I don't think so. How’s your mood? Sad, pretty lifeless. Do you have a job? No. Ever thrown up in a car? No. Is anyone over protective over you? *Over*protective, no. Have you ever violated school dress code? In high school, apparently, because I got in trouble for a shirt once that I'd worn many many times before that never caused trouble until then. If you are listening to music, is the singer male/female? Male. What (if anything) do you give up for Lent? I don't take part in Lent. I did sometimes as a Catholic kid though, but it never lasted. When you feel like giving up, how do you convince yourself not to? Like, on life? It's always the belief that I have one shot at this and can't let a few bad passing moments decide to cut it short. What was the subject of the last list you made? Grocery list that Mom wanted my input on. Do you ever get nervous before interviews / important meetings? Oh hell yes I do. Who pays for the majority of your belongings? Hi, I'm Brittany, I'm 24, and my parents pay for absolutely everything because I'm one hell of an excuse for an adult. Would you ever willingly shop in a thrift store? Dude, I love thrift shops. You can find the coolest shit. What is the most that you would ever spend on an outfit? I don't have a clue. I don't shop and never have shopped for clothes nearly frequently enough to gauge here. Is there anything you do that just outrages your parents? Mom hates when I curse excessively when I'm seriously upset. When was the last time you were embarrassed in public? How the actual fuck am I blanking here. I'm always embarrassed. I can blink "wrong" and be humiliated. Have you ever won an award you were actually proud of? Yeah, a few. What is the coolest science experiment you’ve ever done? Well, it wasn't an "experiment" per se, but dissecting a frog in the 7th grade was dope. Are you experiencing difficulties with any friends right now? No. When you apologize to someone after a fight, how do you go about saying that you are sorry? By saying sorry??? Not trying to be a smart ass, just... say sorry. I do absolutely ensure I'm sincere and do all I can for me to come across as such, but yeah. Have you ever played around with “dry ice”? No. Do you think parents are responsible for the actions of their children? To a degree. When was the last time that you corrected someone? I don’t know. When was the last time you were corrected? ^ Is there any celebrity you like to “keep up with”? There's a couple. Celebrity gossip: YAY or BOO? Ugh. Now the gossip part with celebs, I just don't care. What is the most life-changing book you have read? Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. Have you had a negative impact on anyone’s life? Probably. Has anyone had a negative impact on yours? Who/why? Yes, let's not linger on it. What does marriage mean to you, specifically? My feelings towards marriage have evolved semi-recently. It was once the "happily ever after" portion of a relationship, the goal to me, but now, it's really just a wise (to some, of course) financial option for a strong, stable, tested relationship that you intend to be permanent. Like, it's a piece of paper, congrats. I'll admit my mind still somewhat sees it as a desirable milestone, but I know that's simply the works of societal conditioning. How will you know when you are ready to get married? I don't know. This actually brings to my attention that I've pondered if I'll ever *confidently* know after Jason. I really don't know. How much time have you spent contemplating your own death? I mean, not a hell of a lot, but I'm sure more than the normal person. Is there a joke that you just can’t stand? I really hate any joke that's rooted in discrimination, or is just purely hateful. Have you ever read any self-help books? No, though I've contemplated them a bit. What is something you used to love, but now greatly dislike? Country music, oh boy. What is something you used to dislike, but now like? Hmmm. Lol first thing that comes to mind is mashed potatoes, I guess. Thanks, Sara's Mom. When (if) you become a parent, what will you do differently, compared to how your parents raised you? I'm never going to be a parent. Do you equate spanking with physical abuse? Would you spank a child? I can't say I exactly equate them, no, but I absolutely disagree with it. You do not teach children through fear and pain. If your bf/gf wanted to wait until marriage for sex, would you be willing? Yeah. Is there someone you wish you could trust/you wish was trustworthy? Yes. Is there anyone that you no longer want in you life? Who/why? No one that plays a big role in my life, no. At least not off the top of my head. How has your outlook on life changed in the past few years? I've strayed further from my fairy-tale outlook of it every year for the past few. Some can call it a much more negative view, but it's realism, baby. It doesn't depress me, even though I'm sure some may see it as such. I'm more accepting to fact and less preoccupied with "it'd be nice if..."s, things like that. Have you ever walked out of a boring movie (in theaters)? No. How open are you with people you know online? Depends on the person and location something is being shared. If a celebrity is involved in scandal after scandal, is that likely to affect how you view him/her & his/her work? Of course. What is one celebrity that you have zero respect for? Man, I don't pay enough attention to this or know all "the facts" or whatever. What is one fashion trend that you hope makes a comeback? It's the Rawring 20s motherfuckers LOOK the scene style is fucking adorable let's bring that shit BACK. What is one that you wish would just die out already? Idc. Have you ever driven under the influence of alcohol/drugs? Hell no. Are you overly attached to your material possessions? Some. Have you ever ridiculed anyone for their clothing choices? I'm sure I have when I was younger, but never aloud, I'd hope. Now, I seriously don't care what you wear. Living in poverty: what do you think it’d be like? I literally am riding on the poverty line and shit's bad enough, so I don't care to find out what it's like any lower. What is one “diet” that you think is just utterly worthless? The keto diet used to seriously appeal to me, but now I totally don't get it. You're GOING to gain weight back as you switch to a regular diet again. Not just that though, keto is extremely unhealthy to the body. It's tempting because yes, it has drastic results, but it's an awful choice. What advice would you give someone that is uncomfortable with his or her body/appearance? Oh hunny me too so don't ask me. What advice would you give someone about to start high school? Don't put too much weight on the people you're involved with. Don't let your world revolve around them. "They're" right when they say half those people won't mean shit later. What foreign food are you NOT interested in trying? Honestly? I'm not educated enough on cuisines to know. I have no clue what most entail. What foreign country do you believe is misunderstood? "I’m sure they all are." <<<< Do you understand/read Shakespeare? We read some stuff in school, and for the most part, I understood it. It's not something I'd go out of my way to read now. Would you feel more comfortable living with someone that owned a gun? I don't know for sure, but actually, probably no, BUT that's only because I don't trust my impulsive ass with her suicidal history. Otherwise, I'd feel safer with a gun. Have you ever had a make-over? Not a serious one. What’s the longest time you’ve stayed out of the country? Where? I've never left the country. Name one thing you’re grateful for today. My mom being here. What is your favorite high school memory? Long bus rides home with Jason. What is the most insane thing you’ve done to/for your crush that (s)he might not/might know about? Take a plane multiple times by myself and endure airports when my muscle atrophy was at its worse probably, lmao. Name three teachers you liked in high school. Coach Collie, Mrs. Cruz, Mrs. Williams... man, I could go on for a long time. I had great teachers. Who is your best friend? Sara. What’s your favorite song right now? Probably "Hunting Grounds" by In This Moment ft. Joe Cotela. Write a line from any song. My favorite lyric from the song that's playing right now is "I fell asleep at the wheel again, crashed my car just to feel again" bc some part of me feels that shit. Do you know at least one Disney song by heart? Which one? Oh, I'm sure there's a lot, "The Circle of Life" to name just one. All TLK ones really, lol. Would you rather be a hobbit, an elf, or a dwarf? E L F What are the first five things you would splurge on if you were a billionaire? Help Mom monetarily, and then like... I'd have to fight from blowing ALL of it on tattoos lmao. Do you blow dry your hair or do you let it air out? I just let it dry naturally after using a towel. Do you blush when you receive compliments? I think so. Depends, though. Candles or incense? Incenseeeeee. Can you juggle? No. Reason behind the last time you laughed until you cried? I don't remember. Are you one who brags a lot? No. Something you love to eat or drink at the fair? I don't know any typical "fair foods" I actually like. Your favorite vegetable? Broccoli. Are you confrontational? I'm the polar opposite. I will do anything to avoid confrontation. Have you ever caught yourself talking in your sleep? That's another nightly thing now. Do you catch lizards? No, leave wild animals be. Do you like pretzels? Yeah, preferably soft ones.
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Marksman
Part 3
Masterlist, Part 1, Part 2
A/N: Okay so I 100% was not going to finish this at all but @alienquirks has convinced me otherwise. I completely changed the POV because I hated it in the first person, I’m sorry. Also, I have been so so busy but there will eventually be one last part to this as soon as I can get it written and decide where I want it to go.
>>>>>>
Ollie had called you after about 3 minutes of you standing outside like an idiot saying that Alfie needed to brief you on a few things. Alfie, on the other hand, looked extremely amused sitting in his chair behind the extremely messy desk.
“You really love to downplay our relationship don’t you,” his tone was teasing but there was an extra emotion in it.
“I literally delivered actual bread to you when you wanted it.” You were annoyed and slumped in the chair on the other side of his desk.
“I took you to the races that one time,” he said very matter-of-factly. You shuffled in your seat, your hand moving to tug at the back of your hair, but it met scalp instead making you sink further into your chair.
“Why such a long face,” his tone was still teasing but there was an air of sincerity in it.
“Look at me Alf, I look like a boy. I miss my hair and my chest hurts.”
“Well you can actually change into something more comfortable since everyone knows who you are. Tell you what here’s some money, go buy yourself some clothes for the week, visit your sister. Buy me some bread from her on your way back to mine.” He handed you about triple the amount of money you would need and went to concentrate on his papers gain.
“Alf, I really don’t need this much, also why do you carry so much cash on you, that’s dangerous and there is no way that I will be staying with you where did you get that impression.” He smiled at your ramblings but let you finish.
“I don’t pay you to act as my wife or mother Y/N”
You cut him off, “I don’t work for you, you don’t pay me.”
“Let me finish woman. The deal I made with the Shelby you trust so much, yes well it includes you being my companion for the week. Taking care of my dog, acting as my secretary here. Maybe I’ll buy you in the end.” He went from serious to teasing extremely quickly.
“I don’t understand, I thought you were just being an asshole. You’re seriously going to make me act as your wife for a week.” He smiled at your response. The feeling was weird for a moment. The atmosphere had changed into something more familiar and teasing.
You had greatly downplayed your relationship. You had delivered bread to Alfie every day since you worked at the bakery, directly to his office. You knew everyone here well especially Ollie who was like an odd younger brother to you. Alfie had promised to take you to the races once and you went, you met no trouble and it was one of the best days of your life. The only issue is that it opened something in your relationship that you didn’t want which is why you left in the first place. This life wasn’t meant for you and Alfie deserved someone different, who could keep up with him, although he assured you that you could. ‘the best thing that had ever fucking happened to him’ is what he called it, but you can never take a man by his word.
Though your relationship had never escaped this stage it was the possibility that made you fear the next week. The possibility and that it might turn into something more and yet it couldn’t, it was forbidden, completely and utterly.
“Fine. Although if you decide to take liberties with me, I will shoot you in your foot.” You sighed deeply, thinking of all the scenarios you would have to avoid this week and what the worst thing that could happen is.
Alfie hummed in response a smile evident on his face. You took his lack of answer as a cue to leave and grabbed the money. You walked out of the bakery inviting Ollie to come with you which he agreed to after you said that Alfie had asked him too and left the baker.
The hat that the Shelby’s had given to you was now in your left hand and without it, you looked evidently more feminine. It was refreshing not having to pretend to be someone you weren’t.
Ollie filled you in on Alfie’s activities after you asked for the whole journey to your favourite tailors. He had been much the same, trouble followed wherever he went, and, in all honesty, you wouldn’t have it any other way. It made him interesting, dangerous, alluring in a sense but most of all familiar.
The familiarity led all the way to your sister’s bakery or more accurately the bakery that she worked at. When you walked in Phillipa was at the front, her eyes lit up immediately after she noticed it was you and she ran to the back room. You heard a squeal, and something drop followed by a few curses and finally some footsteps.
“Y/N my favourite sister. It has been way too long, why don’t you write to me anymore. Why are you here?” She moved to hug you and you both embraced each other tightly.
“Well it’s a long story, I’ll be sure to tell you another time. Can I have some bread though? Whatever is Alfie’s favourite, if it changed.” Her face immediately dropped.
“You aren’t playing house with that gangster, are you? He isn’t for you. It won’t end well” Her face was stern but sincere.
“No. Its for work, I’m only here a week. I know better Jemimah. I promise.” You really wanted to mean your words, but they felt empty in your mouth. Jemimah seemed to accept them though and she went to the back to prepare the best bread.
You engaged in conversation with Phillipa in the meantime which was boring, to say the least. How nothing had changed with this woman since you had gone you would never know. When you walked out of the bakery there seemed to be some sort of air between you and Ollie that you didn’t recognise. He wanted to say something but was holding himself back, so you decided to prompt him.
“Out with-it Ollie,” by the way he jumped you could tell he wasn’t expecting you to be so blunt.
“You’re really good for him Y/N. You do know this, he knows this, everyone in the damn bakery knows it.” He huffed loudly but then continued, “I get why you don’t want to, but life is too short to deny yourself of something you know would be good.”
You decided not to respond to him and did the rest of the car ride to Alfie’s in silence. For some reason, the outside gave you some comfort. It was familiar in a good way although the minute you actually opened the front door your shoulders slumped, and the feeling was gone.
Something that did make you smile though was Cyril, bounding towards you without a care in the world. You gladly petted him, and he followed you back into the house. You had been so focussed on Cyril you didn’t notice the soft look Ollie was giving you.
“Well not that you’re here and safe I’m going.” He had already turned away from you when you went to answer him.
“Ollie, I’m sorry but Alfie might have a go at you for leaving. I didn’t actually ask him.” He chuckled lightly at you.
“You think I didn’t know that. It’s been a good day, I’m glad to have you back.” With that, he left the premises and you went into the house.
You could gather a lot from a person’s house and Alfie’s hadn’t changed all that much. The curtains were all closed and random areas of the house still had a film of dust suggesting he had fired all the maids after you left. The first thing you did was open the curtains and then check the kitchen. Somehow there was food where there should be, enough to feed him which meant at least in that aspect he had been taking care of himself.
You then went upstairs and peeped into his bedroom, again surprising you, the bed was made, and the rest of the room was clean, although it was likely he hadn’t slept in it for a while. You picked a spare room and set down what you had brought and then went back downstairs. It was late afternoon, so you had some time before dinner. You decided to clean as much as you could starting with your own room and then moving to all of the rooms upstairs.
In all honesty you found cleaning rather therapeutic and the soft sounds from the record player helped to ease your mind. It was only when you finished the third room, one which you often stayed in before you left that you left your trance. There was a painting a friend had done of you framed on the wall. You had originally left it in a drawer not knowing where to put it but clearly Alfie had the idea after you left.
You decided to make dinner consisting of a stew of whatever you could find and the bread you bought. Alfie was still not back, not that you expected him to be, but you did hope to actually see him over the course of the week. It was when you sat down with a book in one hand and the plate of food in the other that Cyril started to bark showing that Alfie was here. Alfie grumbled someone or another under his breath which made you chuckle before entering the kitchen seemingly surprised that you were at the table.
“The food is still hot you can make yourself a plate and join me” You didn’t look up at him.
“Isn’t it a little early for dinner?”
“Alfie Its 9 o’clock.” You went back to ark your page in the book and waited for him to place himself next to you.
“Well yeah I suppose it is. Look, I get why you don’t want to be here but,” he was unable to look you in the eye, but you cut him off anyways.
“I don’t not want to be here Alfie. I just had to leave; you know I did.” You shuffled in your set.
“We had a good thing going. I understand why it wouldn’t work in a traditional sense but when have I ever been a traditional man. I want you yea, I’m not going to sugar coat it because I want you. That is all there is to it. I get it and I respect whatever decision you make at the end of the week but at least think about it.” He swallowed hard and clearly didn’t want to push you.
His words themselves were very unlike him like he had written this down and practised a few times. It was clear he tried to think of your feelings.
“I’ll think about its Alf, it’s the least I can do for the trouble with Tommy I may have caused.” You tried to lighten the mood.
“That man, he’s too intense needs to take a break maybe get a good fuck.”
“Alfie its dinner” you mockingly exclaimed
“We both know I could care less about etiquette.” The air was marginally less tense and the two of you managed to laugh like old times. You filled him in with your time with Tommy and he told you all the mischief he had got up to with Sabini.
You decided to retire to bed early and went straight after dinner while he moved to his office.
Maybe the rest of the wee wouldn’t be so bad after all.
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My Funny Valentine
Hey everybody! it’s ya girl Livvy here with a Black Panther fic, for With Love From Wakanda. I am honored to be able to collaborate with you this group of lovely Queens. Hope you all enjoy it, feedback is greatly appreciated and i will be sure to follow you all as well. Thank you to @hoopshoney and @purple-apricots for this amazing opportunity!!
My prompt: “Did you just call me, ‘my love’?”
Warnings: heated make-out session, nothing too bad.
Relationship: M’Baku x Zoya
Word count: under 2k [1,892 to be exact, i got a bit carried away]
Translations: ngelosi; angel
What was the purpose of bachelor parties anyway? It all seemed extremely boring to M’Baku at this point. Going out to a strip club with his friends, he used the term loosely, to celebrate T’Challa’s engagement to Naomi.
The club was Erik’s idea of course, but none of them impressed M’Baku in the slightest. He was on his 3rd glass of Hennessy, and it don’t phase him one bit. “Ayo, Baku!” Erik approached the Jabari king with a swag in his step. Looking him over and rubbing his chin, he snickered. “Why you look bored? There are plenty of honeys to choose from. Have some fun and get outcha head.” M’Baku glanced at his gold fanged friend and scoffed a bit. “None of this fun to me. They are all gorgeous, yes, but not my cup of tea.” “Man you trippin trippin. Imma go have fun with T’Challa, never thought I’d hear my damn self say that. Talk to ya later.”
To say he was in a funk was an understatement. What caused it? How I would’ve wrote it: It was probably the fight between him and his lady friend, Zoya, that caused them to not speak for weeks.
The fact that it was Valentine’s Day didn’t make it any better, seeing as how he had the week planned out months before the fight. To say he was whipped over Zoya wasn’t a lie. She treated him no different, and saw
him for who he was. Not just the king of Jabari Land, but M’Baku. “I’m gonna go back to the hotel. I’ll see you guys later.” Upon departing from the group to head home, he got a text that made his heart beat like a djembe drum in a tribal dance. {Come by my hotel, the Manhattan. We need to talk. Room 214}
He thought long and hard about how to respond. Once he got his bearings together, he replied.
[Oh? So what do I owe the pleasure of gracing the queen of my presence?]
{I don’t need the sarcasm.} she replied. {Just get your ass here before I change my mind.}
“At least I can get away from the party.”
[Fine. I’ll be there soon]
Catching a cab to clear his thoughts a bit, he replayed the fight in his head.
[several hours earlier]
“You can’t even take one day off. One day off to spend time with me.” The ruby red haired queen huffed at the tall Jabari king. They had been at it for hours.
“I am a king. My duties are to myself and my country. Not some whiny little-“
“Finish that sentence. I dare you. One more word I will feed your ass to your tribe. All I’m asking from you, is spend a little time with me that’s all.”
He had, had enough of their arguing and needed to breath. The elongated sigh left his full lips, as he rubbed his face.
“I can’t be at your beck and call every minute of the day, Zozo. You know that.”
“You sure did spend a lot of time with that other chick at the bar, a few times this week I might add.”
“Are you jealous of Megan? She’s our guide around New York. I can sense something these in you Zoya. You want me. Don’t you?” The smirk shone on his face with pride. He knew just how to push her buttons.
“Hell no. Go enjoy your little Little Havana Barbie Doll, of a guide. Any of the Avengers could’ve given y’all a tour.” She rolled her eyes in annoyance and prepared a bath for herself.
“That’s it!” He exclaimed and got in her face. “Until you come to your senses about how you feel, I’ll be with the boys.” Leaving her there to contemplate what just happened, she growled lowly full of rage.
“I could ask you the same damn thing!” Zoya exclaimed in fury as she heard the door slam after M’Baku’s departure.
[Flashback over]
What flower shops are open this late? Maybe her favorite ice cream will do? The process to make it right and apologize for what he had done, was in full swing.
Fifteen minutes alter, after gathering that items he needed, he felt the hairs in the back of his neck rise due to anxiousness. Knocking on the door waiting with anticipation, it opened to a glorious sight.
“Zoya. I just-“
“I know. Come in before you draw attention to yourself.” Pulling him inside the room, she checked for any onlookers.
The room was dimly lit; held electric candles all over the place, soft jazz music playing, his pride and joy in front of him in a crisp white lace lingerie set and a matching silk white robe.
“Dear Hanuman you look good enough to eat.” He couldn’t take his eyes off of her for one second. The white lace looked as if it were painted on her skin, making it rove seem envious of what it was on.
“Oh I know. I’ve been blessed with a glorious purpose.” She began, and smirked slyly up at him, before putting the flowers in whatever she could find in the kitchenette of the room.
“And that purpose is to apologize for how I’ve been reacting towards you.”
Taking his hands in hers as the moved towards the couch, she sat on her knees and breathed evenly.
“M’Baku, it doesn’t take much to make me feel good. And yet you do the bare minimum and it means the world to me. I shouldn’t take your kindness for granted and what we have, I don’t know what to call it at all.”
Her palms were aching; heart pounding against her chest at rate that felt like a jackhammer on the pavement.
“ngelosi. What are you saying?” The tone of M’Baku’s voice was unwavering. He didn't know to expect next.
“Please don’t call me that unless you’re being truthful.” She sniffled at the thought of possibly losing him for what she was about to say.
“I am being truthful here. Where are you getting at?”
“What am I to you?” The words rushed out of her like a bullet train and caught M’Baku by surprise.
“I don’t want to just be your fling whenever, you or I, need to get off. I know this was the arrangement but it’s getting less fulfilling. I don’t want to be a fuck buddy, when I know I’m wife material.”
The tears that slid down her high mocha sunkissed cheekbones, fell into her lap. All the while, sniffling slightly while avoiding eye contact. Feeling a warm gentle hand, lift her chin up to look him in the eye, he spoke with sincerity.
“Zoya. My love, I was afraid to tell you how I felt. I truthfully only thought you’d want this arrangement, after all was said and done. The first time was magical of course but, as it continued I finally saw the woman I want by my side.” Lacing their fingers together, he kissed the back of her hand.
“I want this to be more than just a fling between us.” Resting his head on hers, looking into her eyes softly, he was being sincere.
Was she hearing him correctly? Did he want her for real. The tears that shed this time, were happy one's, as she let out a sweet chuckle.
“Wait, wait. Did you call me, ‘my love’?” She was in awe and shock. “M’Baku, are you sure? Am I even fit to rule?”
“My love,” he repeated with a smile and caressed her cheek gently. “Without you, I am nothing but an empty shell of a man. With you, you make me better; stronger even. Beside every great man, is an even greater woman.”
All her bottled up emotions, that she held in for so long over the last four years, were rushing out with pure happiness.
She didn’t know how to respond. Not sure what to do, letting her body do the work, she kissed him with so much love and passion. This kiss felt real and not forced; it was genuine and filled with heat.
His soft, thick lips engulfed hers with an intensity like no other. Tilting his head to the left slightly, to deepen the kiss, he held her face in his strong hands. All the while of taking in her sent, that was like fresh oranges infused with vanilla. It must’ve been the perfume he got her for her birthday, because it was heaven on earth to him.
The kiss itself was hotter than ever before. Dragging her nails down his firm chest, moaning shakily against his lips as it intensified even more, she had a thought. Upon breaking the kiss, she was caught off guard, by his lightning speed reflexes.
“M’Baku..” Zoya groaned softly as his lips trailed down her neck in ecstasy, causing her heart to beat faster in want and need. Feeling a little daring, Zoya draped her left thick thigh across his lap, while M’Baku caressed it and tugged at it. Of all the times he's been in between them, he’s taking his time to enjoy it more than ever.
“Yes my Queen?” He was too focused to on her pleasure to even talk.
“You didn’t ask me to be yours. You simply implied.” Her elegant voice stopped his motions, gazing into her eyes once more and pulled her closer to his chest that’s as just as burning in desire as her own.
“Zoya Janelle Okafor,” He began, as he picked her up and locked her ankles behind his back, caring her to the bathroom that she had set up for them.
“You’ve thought this out haven’t you?” He loved the gesture wholeheartedly.
“I did. Because kitten felt bad, for how she treated the gorilla.” The elegant smirk that was etched on her face, as she rubbed her nose against his affectionately.
“The gorilla loves this, just as much as he loves you. Yet, I have a proposal to ask of you.”
Placing her on the counter; watching in amazement as the candles illuminated her heated skin, to give her a golden glow, he was at a loss for words. Then found them again.
“My love, will you be mine? For all eternity, in all the possible realms that are out there? I don't have a ring yet, but there might be one in the future.”
“Yes M’Baku. I’ve waited long enough.”
With the finale words leaving her breath, she pulled him closer to her body and kissed him with everything she had in her. Gripping her hips just as rough, and rolling his into hers. The white lace, that graced her supple hips, were soon ripped from her and throw behind him without a care.
“I just bought this!” She whined but was cut off by a sudden slap to her voluptuous backside.
“I’ll buy you more than your hearts desire.” His deep baritone voice awoken the chills in her body, biting her plump bottom lip as she unbuttoned his shirt.
“You’re lucky I love you.” She whispered ever so lightly, against his lips, pulling his pants down as well.
“I love you, too.” He responded softly and went backing to kissing his future Queen. Holding her close as much as he could, with the sound of the city drowning out in the background.
#mbaku x oc#wives of mbaku#winston duke#black panther fanfiction#black panther fic fest#withlovefromwakanda#Zoya Okafor#mbaku#shantania beckford
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Long, drawn-out 80-hour experiences aren’t always a good thing. They can be incredibly frustrating.
Side quests become tedious, with no real rewards. They become fetch quests or grind quests or inconsequential rp quests. 100% requires all these little collectibles – like the ac feathers or solas’ orbs or what have you. Travel between locations can be difficult or stunted, and gameplay can become tedious – the fighting takes too long, or the cutscenes take too long, or the dialogue is unending. I usually find myself skipping through long dialogue when I can read the text, I don’t usually read everything on terminals, and I usually only ever 100% things out of compulsion.
For reference: my first dark souls 3 playthrough was 50 hours, but my second was less than 20. Even going by just the second play through I would consider dark souls 3 worth 60 bucks.
Because it isn’t *just* about hours. An 80 hour, long-ass drawn out low quality shit show isn’t better than a high-quality, well polished 20 hour game. But those 20 hours need to be *polished* and they need to serve the game. In a game like dark souls 3, that meant the atmosphere, combat, boss fights and environment needed to be polished and interesting. And they were! The atmosphere was amazing, there was good enemy variety, the boss fights were awesome, the lore was interesting enough to keep me on my toes, and the combat system had good depth to it.
But RPGs need roleplaying elements. Shooters need engaging gameplay. For 60 bucks, the outer worlds should have offered more time with its existing system or greatly enhance it.
The armor and weapons easily capped their max armor/damage, and with the tinkering ability and unending trash a-la fallout, I had a better weapon than any drop or quest item ever gave me. Instead, the constant armor and weapon drops exclusively became a means to money, and this translates into insane inventory management, because of course it does. I can’t speak too much to weapon/attack variety, because once I’ve got a gun I like I usually do a full playthrough with it (although the distinct lack of snipers annoyed me, especially for places like roseway and tartarus), but armor variety was shit. Armor offered little balance, bad mods, shitty stats, and all looked ugly as hell. I never used any medical items except for the standard heal, and never felt the need to (I was playing on regular difficulty). The difficulty curve was really weird; I struggled the first hour or so and soon after I was completely overpowered; but manti-queens were still always a tedious, semi-difficult bore, even when I one-shotted everything else.
The roleplaying elements started off really strong. Back in Edgewater, way at the start, someone even commented on my wearing marauder armor – which just happened to be the first thing I looted from some enemy. There was a lot of humor to balance how genuinely overwhelmed I felt with this new world (in a good way) that slowly gave way to more serious narrative, while never taking away your options for fun. As I found my bearings in the world, the narrative offered good themes and such (obviously; fuck capitalism!) but also had a good balance of “large save the colony!” vs “Im just a dude in space” and you can roleplay for either or in the middle of those two. There was never really a moment I felt it was weird that I was putting the main quest on “hold” to do side quests (with the exception of the fucking tailoring quest line which was really jarring lmao).
Questlines typically offered a healthy balance of options; it really allowed for different outcomes, different character motivations, etc. I didn’t feel shoe-horned into certain dialogue options in order to complete quests the way I wanted to complete them. There was nuance to your choices/dialogue options with characters and in questlines. Persuade, lie, or intimidate weren’t always a different button to the same outcome; oftentimes they actually led to different things happening in the quest. There were also different ways to complete your goals in-game, with different kinds of stealth, to murder or not to murder, talk your way through, guns-blazing, etc. Usually quests gave options I wasn’t really expecting and had a pretty good amount of interactivity between them (think the strike quest on Monarch, or the Sublight quests on Monarch). The only time I felt really shoe-horned was at the end of Lily Hagen’s questline and during the ending quest. Lily Hagen’s last quest is also the only time I felt like I got a significant choice where the consequences didn’t actually matter, which was really frustrating considering the ending of the fucking game.
The way skill points allowed for both in and out of dialogue improvements was really cool (e.g. persuasion isn’t just new dialogue options but affects enemy’s statuses, etc) and the combination of skills required during roleplay elements (i.e. you need persuasion AND science points to convince a scientist of X) felt really strong and did really well for my immersion. In the last mission this all went to shit though.
I liked a lot of the individual characters (I fucking love Phineas and ADA, Zora and Sanjar and even the Van Noys were really fun, a lot of characters were really sympathetic like Reed and Graham) and most of the companions have interesting enough personalities, but there’s a definite problem with the crew members and their implementation.
There was a huge difference in character quality between them; Felix has significantly less character depth to him than any of the other companions, even though his questline felt like it should have had a significantly larger impact on a person. Ellie and Nyoka are super interesting characters, but neither really allow for significant character growth after their respective missions or during companion dialogue.
Parvati and Max have significantly more depth than anyone else on the ship, and these are characters with the most growth and arguably most impactful side quests (measured by impact on the characters). They also have way more, and more in depth, companion dialogue. And still I’d argue the growth is too little. You run out of dialogue with your companions super quickly and they rarely have anything to say about your choices or whatever. Only Ellie really spoke up about some stuff I did/had questions for me about Phineas and even then it didn’t actually matter. Ellie’s lack of character growth was probably the most jarring, because she actively starts conversations that would/should lead to it but she remains unchanged until the epilogue informs you You Did Change Her Mind After All. Felix’s lack of anything was really disappointing especially since I didn’t really care for him, but he was really sympathetic to the captain and to the unification of the crew, especially near the end (his joining the crew was also the most random). I loved Nyoka but her alcoholism is a little much and casually overplayed for no reason, and it actively inhibits what could/should have been character development after her mission. I actually kind of feel like non-companion NPCS like Catherine Malin or Zora had more character development and relationship development with the captain than some of my companions. Parvati got the most personal and had the most growth, but it was *all* in relation to her dating life lmao.
This lack of depth or use for the companions is really bad when you think about the way they are positioned in relation to the factions and again, this is made worse during the last mission. I was kind of happy there were no romances when that was announced, because I thought it would allow for more independent character growth instead of development based on whether or not you’re fucking the player character, but what it really lead to was static characters and static interaction with them. The interactions between them are fun at the start but there aren’t many of them and they quickly end up repeating themselves. I wasn’t expecting fucking Mass effect or Dragon age companions, but I was expecting better than the fallout 4 fare.
The gameplay, skill division and choices/quest options really allow for interesting replayability for both different options/character motivations within an ending but even more so when you consider the fully pro-board playthrough (idk if I could stomach it though). But even with another playthrough I’d be looking at just 40 hours of gameplay (if I 100% it again, and I could probably do it in less than 20 now that I know where/what/how and how useless most loot is) and the companions would remain disappointing.
And the ending just throws it all in my face, especially the skill/stat division is just… terrible. I was level 30 and all side quests were done; I couldn’t milk more levels/exp if I WANTED to, and it was still bad. But I did get to walk back to my ship, re-spec my stats, and then walk all the way back to the end of the mission I’d already played which was super fucking funny.
It was a good game, and most of the game was genuinely good, but the things that let me down were the things that I really wanted, or are really impactful (IT’S A SHOOTER RPG, WHY DOES YOUR COMBAT SUCK). And it was so short. It was a eally well polished, quality experience, and I wouldn’t have liked to see it stretched out to 50 hours because it would have ultimately done it a disservice (and the story WAS genuinely really good and well-done, the world was well-crafted, and I would have hated to see it drone on and one when it’s better than that) , but I WOULD have liked to see an hour or two extra per companion and a price reduction to 40 bucks at launch.
Theme: 10/10 Narrative: 10/10 Atmosphere: 10/10 Environments: 9/10 Shooter-gameplay: 5/10 Character creation: 7/10 (shitty physical creator 3/10, very good stat creator 8/10) RPG Dialogue/Quest Gameplay: 8/10 Companions: 4/10 Inventory management: 1/10
#personal#look im not a reviewer#this isnt meant to be a review for other people abt outer worlds#but i was frustrated with the ending#but also frustrated with myself because i did LOVE this game for the first 19 hours#so i wanted to write it all down for myself#to make sense of my thoughts#and get on paper my frustrations#but also remind myself about all the good shit i enjoyed for the 19 out of the 20 hours I played this game#no overt spoilers
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Borderlands 3 Review
*Writer’s Note: I played this game when it came out and have based my review on the version of the game that I played then. Some of this information may become outdated with time.
DISCLAIMER: This review is going to contain a lot of spoilers for Borderlands 3, if you don’t want that then this is not the review for you. My overall opinion of this game is that it’s… okay. It entirely depends on what you value out of a video game. Borderlands 3 is, at heart, just another Borderlands that’s been somewhat dumbed down, and if you don’t like the Borderlands series’ base mechanics (i.e. farming, constantly throwing away weak gear, getting stomped on for being underleveled) then this is not the game for you. If you value storytelling in your video games, this game is absolutely not the game for you. However if you’re someone who just wants to shoot some guys and already like, or think you’ll like, Borderlands’ looting systems then this game is going to range anywhere from okay to good. It should be kept in mind that this review is meant to take into account many of the different aspects of the game, hence why this review is going to have a far lower score than many other reviewers/media publications seem to be rewarding it.
I don’t really know if Borderlands 3 is worth the $60 asking price, and I would ultimately say to either wait for the game to go on sale or at least wait for it to go up on Steam. This is because the game really is just a dumbed down Borderlands entry, you could easily just go buy the Handsome Collection for $60 (if you haven’t already) and have just as good, even better, of a time. Also that Steam has more laid back refund policies than the Epic Store (which can be blamed for this review existing in the first place). But this is where the spoiler free section ends, anything past this point will contain heavy spoilers for the sake of in depth discussion. You have been warned.
When the Borderlands 3 reveal trailer came out back in March I was entirely skeptical that the game would be anything good. The story looked like a mess, the guns looked like complete shit, and overall it appeared that a lot of the things they were promising on were too good to be true or would end up simplified. Also, at the time I had just played through the entirety of the existing Borderlands series (excluding Tales From the Borderlands), so this new game was going to have to spike a certain chord with me. This definitely wasn’t helped by the “additions” that they tried to make to those games such as second game’s graphics enhancements, and the Borderlands 1 remaster. The former, while making the game look prettier, had the problem of cutting off cross platform play (across PC, Mac, Linux, etc.) which left a small crowd of people very disappointed. And the latter had the issue of being a complete load of garbage with many of the same bugs, new performance issues, clunkier menus, new menus not working, and of course Gearbox’s patented golden chest. They pulled a BL2 and just gave you OP guns at the beginning of the game as to make the beginning area more trivial than it already was. And if that wasn’t bad enough, they suited you out with 75 golden keys for connecting your shift account, meaning that you could destroy any sense of value the guns originally had.
There was also the new BL2 dlc that was meant to tie the game into BL3’s story. However I can safely say that after having played through BL3, this dlc’s campaign in no way whatsoever connects these two games together. I guess at best it explains how Sanctuary fell, but that in of itself has a lot of problems. You get attacked by some Dahl commander (who has never been brought up in the story before) where he infects Sanctuary, and by further extension Pandora, with this plant virus. Your job is to kill this guy and stop the plant virus. There is no motivation established for this guy besides that he wants to make Pandora into some paradise, and the story has absolutely no effect on BL3 at all. The crew was already set on going to outer space, this invasion only served to speed up this process. To further this claim, there is no mention of this dlc’s events in BL3 and Pandora is still the same sandy hell scape that it normally is.
Which finally brings us to Borderlands 3. A game that feels surprisingly devoid of passion and love despite how much effort went into it. A game that feels like there wasn’t enough time to flesh out ideas. A game owned by a company who sold out to Epic for money- let’s get a couple of things out of the way first. 1. Borderlands 3 isn’t an entirely bad game per se. 2. I have relatively no issue with the game being an Epic exclusive and my opinion is not biased or soured due to Randy Pitchford’s constant fuck ups.
However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t outright despise Gearbox and 2K for their actions. They take an exclusivity deal with Epic which actively disrupts consumer convenience and confidence in purchasing their product (not a big deal). But then they have the audacity to push this game out in the buggy, unpolished, and unoptimized state that its currently in (kind of a big deal). The menus are buggy on a basic, functional level, the performance tanks constantly, and items would quite literally disappear out of thin air from my inventory. All of these made Borderlands 3 just that much more of a painstaking experience to play through.
It was the unpolished game and the Borderlands’ trademark shitty introductory area that made me want to refund the game. And believe me, I tried to refund the game. Unfortunately I got denied my refund because I had accidentally played over 2 hours of the game, when the Epic client doesn’t even show your playtime. So ultimately I had no choice but to play this game in order to get my 60 dollars worth. In that time I learned that this game is exactly like the other Borderlands games. Right down to the pacing and the disappointing endings. The beginning of Borderlands 3 is a complete slog. You’re just slapped down on Pandora and have to suffer through Clap Trap’s “hilarious” writing and get formally introduced to the mechanics of a Borderlands game for the 4th time now. Gearbox has apparently never figured out that people really hate playing through the beginning of their games because it refuses to give the players a skip tutorial option or a way to just outright bypass the introduction. Now I will say that this introduction isn’t as bad as BL2 or The Presequel, but it's certainly nowhere near good either.
The problem with these introduction areas is that they aren’t engaging or really even play into the story in any meaningful way. In BL3, you arrive out of thin air on Pandora and are forcefully met up with Lilith and the Crimson Raiders so that you can prepare to take off into space. Between meeting up and going into space you’ll be doing menial tasks such as fixing Marcus’ shops, getting a basic vehicle, and doing some really boring boss fights. Your motive for killing these bosses is because Lilith is on the hunt for the vault map. That thing that they had in BL2, how did they lose it? Nevermind that because it’s just sitting with Mouthpiece, a painfully easy boss that expects no brain power out of you other than just avoid the giant speakers that go boom. Apparently it was in Vaughn’s possession before he was betrayed by his Sun Smasher clan in return for good boy points from the Calypsos. Why the Crimson Raiders thought it would be a good idea to leave the map with Vaughn beats me, but I can safely say that this theme of Vaughn being a complete fuck up is consistent throughout the entirety of BL3.
Vaughn at best feels like a comedic relief character, and at worst feels like padding. This character has no important role throughout the story, just plainly isn’t a funny character, and comes across as a complete waste of space. He could literally just disappear from the entire game and nothing would change. You (luckily) don’t even see him for most of the game because his ass is left back on Pandora to do… something. I’ve heard that Vaughn is a far better character in Tales from the Borderlands, however as I haven’t played that game I cannot say for certain whether or not Gearbox really just dropped the ball on this one. Vaughn also isn’t the only character I have this opinion of, however as I am still discussing the game’s intro I feel that I should hold off until later.
So after you acquire the vault map and experience a “high stakes” encounter with the Calysos, Lilith loses her siren powers. I feel like this was supposed to be some big, “Oh shit,” moment but I have to express that I simply don’t care for Lilith’s character and people who are new to the Borderlands series won’t care either. Lilith is not necessarily a “good guy” in Borderlands. She has done some fucked up things that have drastically changed the overarching plotline and a lot of people’s perception of her both in the story and by players experiencing it. In The Pre-Sequel, she is framed as being the reason for Handsome Jack’s insanity as Lilith literally branded a vault symbol onto his face. In the epilogue of TPS she actively commands a firing squad to gun down Athena after she tells her story in its entirety, completely against the judgement of her colleagues. And she makes incredibly rash decisions in BL2 that causes detrimental results for the crimson raiders such as being captured by Handsome Jack after being explicitly told not to come to Angel’s prison that greatly changes the dynamic of the story. These are only a couple examples, and I could keep going, but the point is that I don’t value Lilith as an entirely productive or a beneficially proactive member of the Crimson Raiders. And new players who have never played Borderlands before literally won’t even know who Lilith is or why she is even important. Hence when Lilith loses her siren powers after a pretty pathetic fight with the Calypsos, I can really only roll my eyes and just go with it.
From here the story relatively picks up and becomes a bit more bearable (but not really), however I don’t want a couple thousand words of this review to be about the story. Overall it’s trash, and I’m going to try my best to summarize just why it’s trash. Firstly is that the Borderlands writers might be writing for way too many characters. Seriously you have: ProZ-oh I mean Flak, Amara, Zane, Moze, Vaughn, Lilith, Brick, Mordecai, Tiny Tina, Ellie, Tannis, Marcus, Zero, Rhys, Lorelei, Aurelia, Hammerlock, Typhon Deleon, The Calypsos, Katagawa, Bosses also have some writing with them, Ava, Rhys, holy shit I could just keep going. This isn’t to mention that the the only returning vault hunters from BL2 are Zero and Maya. And then factor in that the writers had to write up a ton of audio logs, some Typhon logs, Eridian logs, side quest dialogue for meaningless bosses, etc. and you have just this disaster of a story that churns everyone out to be really shallow characters. There aren’t any truly good characters in this game. Some of them are passable but that’s because they either aren't main characters or they have some somewhat funny writing and redeeming qualities.
Characters like Ava and Maya (and Vaughn) are completely devoid of any purpose within Borderlands outside of being fuel to the drama fire or just outright being an obnoxious brat. It’s pretty obvious that Ava is just a spoiled teenager who has no idea what she’s getting into, but even in the context of Borderlands her character doesn’t fit at all. For example, after the player kills the first vault monster (Rampager) and returns from the vault, you’re suited to a cutscene where Ava and Maya go pants on head retarded. Ava, a defenseless, tiny, teenager with no powers whatsoever, tries to tell Maya that, “We should be kicking [the Calypsos’] asses!” after the Calypso twins show up to absorb the powers of the vault monster. Mind you, this is after her and Maya debate about how Ava is a piece of shit that’ll get herself killed if she sneaks off to more vaults. Ava then has the audacity to tell the vampire sirens that eventually she’s going to be a siren and she’s going to, “Mop the floor with assholes like you.” These actions ultimately gets her put in her place, and Maya killed. Bottom line: She’s an obnoxious character that makes playing through the story of BL3 worse the more you’re exposed to her. And speaking of Maya, her character in Borderlands is completely useless. She introduces Ava, and then gets killed so that the players can go grrr at the big baddies. Her only significance to the story is that Maya is a siren so that the Calypso twins can steal her powers. Otherwise she is an absolutely useless character that now we’ll never get to see again without Gearbox pussying out on their own writing.
I’ll be completely honest here in saying that Typhon Deleon was the best written character in the game, and you hardly get to hear anything from him outside of backstory and the final couple hours of the game. If Typhon Deleon was a main star of BL3 I think the story would’ve went in a much more favorable direction. However I can’t discount the good writing moments within the story. Even though I absolutely hate Flak’s character even down to his voice, he does have some lines that made me chuckle. Rhys’ entire gag about Rhys ball had me laughing for that entire section, especially the line, “Suck on my big ball, Katagawa.” In fact I think most of the jokes that I laughed at were sexual jokes. I frankly don’t think a lot of these sexual jokes make the cut in a lot of games nowadays outside of obvious fanfare or really out there stuff like Grand Theft Auto 5. This was really unexpected and pulled off well in BL3 as weird as a compliment this is.
I also just want to express my disappointment for how the old vault hunters were treated in this writing: Axton, Gaige, Krieg, and Salvadore aren’t present in this game outside of some echo logs. It could be plausible that Axton and Gaige will come back for a future dlc, but I’m not holding my breath. We ultimately got Maya and Zero, and oh god these characters are bad. Maya dies only a couple hours after you meet her and Zero is comparable to a boomer dad trying to be hip with the kids. Maybe that’s the joke, in which case all I can say is, “Wow, they pulled it off really well and I’m not laughing.”
And finally, the Watcher. What the hell happened to this dude and why isn’t he in BL3? He appears at the end of TPS and is like, “You’re gonna need all of the vault hunters you can get,” however, not only do we have a very restricted roster of vault hunters, the Watcher is literally never mentioned again. Unless the Watcher is the Eridian that left all of the audio logs laying around, but what a disappointment.
I could keep going a good while if I wanted to, but that’s reserved for my videos. The next part of the game that should be brought up is the world design. Most of the world design is okay, I wish Pandora wasn’t just set in desert hell ala BL1, but other than that they seem to have enough content and discoverable areas to make them interesting to explore. My ultimate problem with the world building comes in when considering the planetary system in the game. Now this point can be entirely perceived as me just being an ass but when I think “planets” I expect a lot more than the world hubs in BL3. The planet’s levels are relatively small scale for being on, you know, a planet. And this isn’t just a problem with BL3, many other games that have incorporated planets like this, such as Destiny and Warframe, ultimately fail at capturing the scale of planets. A planet is often scaled down to a simple level within a video game, and it’s somewhat shameful to see a game boasting, “tens of planets to travel to” and then those planets have the same (and even less) scale as their previous title entries that were based on a singular world. Now I perfectly understand that this is a hard request to answer to, and having to build and construct one world is difficult on its own. Despite this, if a development/marketing team wants to promote their usage of a planetary system in their video game, it’s implied that the levels are going to be gigantic. It’s not at all impressive to see planets being used in BL3 because BL2 had the same, if not more, level variety and the same, if not more, amount of levels without the pseudo use of large scale.
This isn’t to say that the levels contained in the game are bad, just that I wish they weren’t pushed into a planetary system. Generally speaking, the levels aren’t bad. I hadn’t ever reached a part of the game where I thought, “Wow this level is trash,” or found levels that were broken. In fact, the gameplay and level design seem to be the real highlights of this game. Gameplay this time around has been modernized and sped up. Players are suited with a slide, ledge grabbing, barrel throwing, and melee slams. Sliding in of itself is important because of how non-committal it is as you can cancel a slide instantly by jumping. These additions ultimately make combat faster and more varied in how you approach the game. See Borderlands 1, 2, and TPS (while it tried) suffered from each fight encounter being basically the same shootout with basic cover systems. This time around, while you can still use the basic playstyle from the older games, you’re provided the methods to really make your gameplay interesting. Personally I never used the melee slam or the barrel throwing, and the new ledge grabbing system only serves to add verticality in map exploring from my experience. However I did use a lot of the slide, and given the right gun (especially shotguns) it became very satisfying to slide into an enemy and pop them into the air with a shotgun.
On this note, I feel like I have to express how much I disliked the feel of the guns. And clearly I am on the contrary opinion here because I have heard everyone on the planet say that, “Wow the gunplay is soooo good omg!!!” but I’ll be honest in saying that I didn’t see it here. Sure, the gunplay now feels more weighty and the new animations and stuff are nice to making the player character good gameplay feel. But the guns themselves, despite apparently having tons of funding behind making the guns sound good and being completely reworked, still have the chronic floaty-ness issues of the previous games. Some guns (primarily early game Hyperion SMGs, Maliwan guns, and some shotguns) just felt so awful to play with that I put them down and never touched them again. I’m not too sure what I was expected as I slid into an opponent and shot them in the face with my shotgun, only for them to fly away a couple feet and just get right back up only having lost about half or less of their health. Jakobs guns were consistently the best weapon, feel wise, despite me always wishing they had a bit more of a kick to them.
One of my major issues with the guns is that they are way too sci-fi and not enough like guns on wastelands and battle driven hell hole. Seriously for how terrible a place Pandora is, you don’t get weapons that reflect this attribute, Instead you get these futuristic Hyperion smgs that will project a shield out in front of you or a Torgue gun that will home into your target when thrown. This is a consistent theme throughout the game where guns won’t aesthetically match the environment. I could understand if you found futuristic guns on Promethea, or even that you find technologically advanced weaponry in the form of Hyperion leftovers on Pandora(given that they’re consistent with the styling of BL2). This would 1. Appease me, because I am the only person worth pleasing, and 2. Would allow the Gearbox developers to create more variety with their weapons so that the game actually feels like it’s hitting its promise of, “Billions of guns.”
Another issue I have is the sound design for these guns, which is probably the point I’ll get absolutely grilled for but: Using actual sampled gun sounds apparently does not work for video games. Seriously every time a game tries to improve the sound of its guns, the new sounds somehow turn out to be worse. This can easily be explained off as having a bias against change, but let's talk about it. Firstly, the guns are way too quiet in Borderlands. And they seem extra quiet in BL3, like worse than BL1 quiet. Maybe it’s a difference in subtlety, because let’s face it: It’s not like a microphone was stuck right next to an actual gun. In reality the sound designers probably had the microphone a good many feet away. This gives the gunshot more of a subtle popping sound rather than the huge blast that the person holding the gun actually experiences (hence why you wear earplugs when shooting guns in real life). But I’m going to put in my take on this matter: Guns need to have an impact in their noise. Now this doesn’t mean that guns sounds even need to be based on real guns or realistic in any shape or fashion. Borderlands is a game with a unique artstyle, so why can’t Borderlands have unique sound design?
It seems that every game nowadays wants the best sounding or most realistic guns to boot, however what happened to all that stylistic choice? Some of the best examples I can think of are Counter Strike’s western inspired whiff sounds for its older titles, Enter the Gungeon’s wide arrangement of different gun sounds, the cartoony gun shot effects for Wasted, and even Borderlands unique sound designs such as The Bane and the beam guns from TPS. These unique sound designs are missing for BL3’s guns and, despite Gearbox making an algorithm to suit one gun sound to thousands of guns, they all really sound the same. Not like you can’t tell the difference between what you’re shooting but in that all snipers sound like a generic sniper, all pistols sound like pistols. Of course you have to discount certain weapons like the Occultist that don’t even shoot the bullets respective of its weapon type. But the point is: this is a missed part of the game. I don’t necessarily like or dislike the realistic approach to the sound design of weaponry, but in a game that feels anything but realistic, the sounds aren’t doing it for me here.
But let’s reel it back to the game again, and get into the basic looting mechanics for this game. Upfront: It’s dumbed down, and takes little effort to get good gear. This is the part of the game where I fall out of my element (if I haven’t already), because I don’t really appreciate Borderlands for its RPG mechanics. It feels nice, and the act of finally getting something you grind out for hours if exhilarating (4 times magic missile), but it is far from how I prefer to play my games. Given this though, even I feel that legendaries drop way too often. Over my playthrough of just the main game content (I did 6 side quests on my first playthrough, and we’ll get to this) I collected tens of legendaries. When I was finished with the game I had 10 legendaries just sitting in my inventory that I was either actively using or keeping as a memorial item. This isn’t to mention that you literally get a chest at the end of the game that contain 4 legendaries in it. The loot dropping system is no longer satisfying at this point. And this isn’t just a matter of, “Oh they buffed the loot drops a little bit,” it’s a matter of the looting system becomes a complete joke when bosses can literally drop multiple legendaries without Mayhem, and will consistently drop multiple legendaries with Mayhem.
Assemble this with a forgiving leveling system, and now it’s just a dumbed down Borderlands experience. In previous Borderlands games, you couldn’t just do the main quest from start to finish. At some point you would eventually become underleveled, and paired with Borderlands’ trademark unforgiving and shitty rpg mechanics, meant that being 3 levels beneath an enemy granted you 10% damage reduction. This is no longer a worry, you can now play the main quests from start to finish with zero leveling hiccups. Or at least from my experience. Some reviews that I indulged in have said that they did have troubles with the leveling system, to which I rolled my eyes and had to immediately question what the hell they had done wrong. On normal mode I finished the campaign having only completed 6 side quests in total. One of these, to tie back to the looting system real quick, gave me a legendary elemental pistol that melted enemies for the next couple of zones. I also asked someone about their experience playing Borderlands 3 so far, only to learn that he had been doing every single quest that he was given and was massively overleveled come time for the first vault boss (he was level 21).
The bosses of Borderlands, this time around, were the best and the worst that the series has ever gotten. They’ve been massively revamped from the older system of AOE insta-kill moves to having actual attack patterns that you can skillfully avoid. To compensate for this, the bosses have been relatively tuned up to be more aggressive, throwing out more attacks. These new bosses range from very good to very, very bad. Some of my favorites were the Graveward, the Penn and Teller styled boss (Pain and Terror), and Troy Calypso. The bosses that I ultimately ended up hating were Katagawa, the Rampager, the Warden, and the Anointed. These bosses either suffered from boring attack patterns, bullet spongy-ness, or a lack of direction on what you’re supposed to be doing to beat the boss. Katagawa and the Warden fit into this last category. For Katagawa I was confused by him taking inconsistent damage (he loses a ton of health on shield break) and the Warden I couldn’t figure out whether or not I was allowed to kill him early. This is because the Warden is styled around the Goliath from BL2, so whenever he kills one of his teammates he gains all of his health back and then levels up. It turns out that you can kill this boss early, I just had garbage guns for this fight. So to answer your question, yes I did get the Warden to max level, and what pursued was a 20-something minute boss fight where you run the boss around in circles and turn around to deal damage when you can, and then he would kill a minion and level up. The only way I managed to kill him was that when he did eventually hit max level, he would stop focusing his minions when on low health.
The bosses that were truly good were the ones that kept the player busy, while not being too spongy or time consuming. It should be noted that the spongy factor of a boss can be easily biased by what type of weapons you enter a boss fight with. Some of the bosses I thought were easier may have actually been harder for you or another player, and vice versa. However, I will speak more of a general design philosophy and less of a, “This guy had too much health,” philosophy. I loved the Graveward (while admittedly being underwhelming for a vault monster) because of his unique battle area and clear attacks that would make his weak point exposed. Having the entire floor tilted to the side while you’re spamming jump to save your life was a fun mechanic to work with, especially when you factor in dodgeable acid balls. This was a simple boss fight that had a unique spin on an FPS boss. Terror and Pain I loved for stylistic reasons and the meta-humor around putting characters themed around Penn and Teller in a game made by a company with a CEO who is super into magic. This boss is comparable to Mouthpiece, but actually just a straight upgrade. The arena you fight Terror and Pain in is far more interesting, the boss itself looks cool, and while I have honestly forgotten the attacks that the boss had, it was still a fun encounter. One of the attacks I do remember though is the floor lighting up to indicate that fire was going to shoot up to incinerate you, and felt far more fitting than getting blasted by a speaker turned up too loud.
Something that I disliked across the board with these bosses, and this is a massive opinion piece, is that the bosses were too easy. Sometimes I honestly wished I was playing Borderlands: The Bullet Hell. I really wanted a boss that wasn’t just going to engage my attention, but make me feel like, “Holy shit, holy shit, oh my god, I am going to die.” Actually, the entire game was pretty damn easy. Although this can come down to a lot of reasons such as ally NPCs now being able to revive you, and the upped pacing of the game causing players to need to rely less on cover.
And I mean, it’s not like the game stays easy forever right? After you complete the campaign on normal mode you then unlock True Vault Hunter Mode (TVHM) and the brand new, super cool, “Badass-,” oh whoops I mean, “Guardian Ranks.” The end game is perhaps the most disappointing thing is this game for hardcore veterans of the Borderlands series. Firstly, that “reworked” end game comes in the form of the new badass ranking system, only this time you can’t disable it (This pieceo of information has become outdated with time, a future update has included the option to turn off these gaurdian perks and the passive bonuses). I mean, this time you get some rewards for using the guardian ranks? Meh. Otherwise the game still revolves around making you play it multiple times in order to get to the level cap. The only real reworked thing here is the new mayhem difficulties, annnnd they’re bad. So what the mayhem system is supposed to do is make the game more difficult while incentivizing you to play it by giving you consistently better loot rewards (more blues, purples, and legendaries). This system would otherwise be okay if not for just one problem: Mayhem 2 added no difficulty to the game, while Mayhem 3 felt typical to Borderlands end game difficulty (It should be noted that the Mayhem system has been revamped to include 10 Mayhem levels). Again, this may be because of my own personal experience with the game, see apparently Flak is outright broken when it comes to crits (Future updates have severely nerfed Flak). So this could be influencing my opinion greatly on this difficulty switch. But I’ll say that I had no reason not to play Mayhem 2, because for essentially no difficulty increase, the game started commonly dropping me blues, purples, and legendaries, while rarely spitting out a green.
At this point I had essentially had enough with the game, as my terrible, clunky inventory was constantly filling with valuables, and I had to make constant stops to dump stuff out of my inventory. Given this, the fact that Mayhem gave you a ludicrous amount of XP for very little difficulty on Mayhem 2, and a quick Google search about the raid bosses in the game, I’ve ultimately put the game down. I went from level 39 to 44 in the span of an hour, was being drowned in good loot, and the biggest sting of all: There are no raid bosses in the base game of Borderlands 3.
This is a massive review for a game that probably doesn’t deserve it. Borderlands 3 has a lot of ups and downs. It’s not a game that many people will enjoy for the story. Veteran players may have a distaste for the lack of an interesting end game. All in all, if you’re playing Borderlands 3, you’re probably playing it for the gunplay and the loot, which still, somewhat, hold up. I didn’t see how the game had a billion guns, but you know what, that’s alright. And after all of the controversy, and now that Gearbox is releasing patches, performance fixes, and balancing to the game, it’s not that bad of a game. The game just doesn’t strike me as the godlike triple A, return to Borderlands that many had hoped for. Overall, I would give the game a 6/10.
EDITOR'S NOTE: There used to be a video here demonstrating a supposed XP glitch that had occurred to me while playing through True Vault Hunter Mode while using Mayhem. It turns out that, at the time, this was an intentional mechanic for Mayhem to give you massive XP gains. To correct for this error, the video has been pulled from Youtube and this paragraph has been written, as well as all mentions of the XP glitch being pulled from this article.
-Count_
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So I'm getting really into horror games
I finished the Silent Hill series, which was kind of a rollercoaster - started strong, took a nosedive, then finished on P.T., which was a goddamn masterpiece, but then you get slapped in the face with the reality that Silent Hills got canceled and I needed to lie down and let the sorrow wash over me for like a solid twenty minutes.
ANYWAY, I needed something else to play so I moved on to Little Nightmares, which as far as I'm concerned is a perfect game. You play as a mysterious, tiny figure clad in a face-obscuring yellow raincoat who must escape from an enormous vessel designed for a gruesome purpose that gets wilder and weirder as you progress. There's no dialogue or text whatsoever, it's gorgeously animated, and it plays like one of those disturbing classic fairy tales where you don't really know who to root for. I spent the entire thing viscerally appalled and delighted at the same time. It was basically the best thing ever.
After that I decided a dramatic tone shift was in order and started SOMA, a sci-fi horror story about what it really means to be human, and like...okay, here's the thing: the whole Matrix thing, y'know, the humanity-in-virtual-reality thing, "to what extent are the body and the consciousness linked," all that jazz. It's not that those aren't important philosophical questions, because I'm sure they are. It's just that I personally kinda don't give a shit?
Because here's the thing, right? The human brain is a wad of fat that spends the entire span of its existence encased in a pitch black prison of fluid and bone, and yet somehow, over eons, it has developed the ability to not only percieve its environment, but contemplate its perceptions, and contemplate ITSELF, and then make art about those contemplations, which can then be percieved and contemplated by other brains from within their own skull-prisons. That, to me, is already so fucking bonkers that I guess I just don't see why the added layer of abstraction that is "what if computers" makes it inherently somehow more crazy just because we did computers on purpose. You know?
Anyway, I wanted to give that setup to explain that in spite of all that, and in spite of the fact that the actual gameplay itself is kind of clunky bullshit, I loved SOMA. Loved it. It wasn't technically perfect like Little Nightmares - far from it. The good stuff, that being the actual plot, was frequently interrupted by boring stealth sections that reeked of frustration and pointlessness. It was made by the same team that did perennial horror gaming classic Amnesia: The Dark Descent, and at times it was painfully obvious that somebody in the room was determined to shoehorn the successful aspects of Amnesia into SOMA, no matter what happened to the flow of the thing. And the flow does suffer, greatly. But I still loved it, because the story is SO solid. The plot of this game, when it works, is a sparkling gem of a thing that left me with my jaw hanging open on multiple occasions. This game made me cry. It forced all the air out of my lungs like I'd been physically punched. It develops a beautiful, realistic relationship between starkly imperfect characters that feel fully-realized in a way I've never experienced in a video game, and then it uses what it's built to rip your heart out and stomp on it. It makes you believe fiercely in the task the protagonist assigns himself, even though, at the end of a doomed human race's lifespan, he basically takes it on to have something to do other rot slowly at the bottom of the ocean. Do I care about the philosophical implications of uploading people into virtual reality now? Eh, not really! But I cared a lot about it for the duration of SOMA! This game is the solution for everyone who's sick of bog standard apocalyptic sci-fi. Please suffer through the stupid scary robot sections and give it a try.
And finally, since I enjoyed SOMA so much, I decided to give the aforementioned Amnesia: The Dark Descent a try. I've seen this game crop up on lots of lists of the best and scariest horror games of all time. It pioneered a technique that comes up in a lot of horror games, that being the concept of sanity and the breakdown thereof, represented by visual and auditory hallucinations that plague the player character. You know those stealth sections that I mentioned being so boring in SOMA? Amnesia does those right, melding hiding and running from monsters you have no way to fight seamlessly into the plot - that being amnesiac Daniel's quest through a spooky castle in 1839 to find and kill allegedly evil occultist Alexander, and also, y'know, figure out who he is and why he wants to kill this dude in the first place.
As for my personal opinion of the game? ...It was okay! I mean, yeah, it was spooky wandering around a drafty castle plagued with malevolent, otherwordly forces, and it was scary as shit seeing monsters shamble through the mist in the distance and running like fuck to find a barrel to hide behind so they don't slice your spongy English ass open from stem to stern. Your quest to piece the mystery together bit by bit was well-executed, and the historically realistic details about torture and grim science experiments were appropriately disturbing.
But...I don't know. The feeling of isolation is important in horror, but not only not having any other characters to get to know, but knowing virtually nothing about the player character himself, AND only having one setting to explore, that being basically the same gray, dimly-lit castle that you get in every other work of historical fiction? It just wasn't that engaging for me! I think it was a well-executed work that was important to the genre, don't get me wrong, but if I'm gonna sit all the way through something where no one who isn't a white man shows up even once the entire time, it better blow my friggin' mind.
So yeah, that's what I've been up to lately. I'm probably gonna play Layers of Fear next, but I'm taking recommendations!
#silent hill#little nightmares#soma#amnesia: the dark descent#horror#video games#horror games#game review#my thoughts#long post#I can't figure out how to put in a read more on this useless blue hellsite so I'm sorry if this clogs your dash
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1, 7, 15, 24, 28 & 28 for the gang (J & A, L, and whoever else you have!), C & H for you :D
1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?ohh not very long, that’s for sure, patience isn’t one of our strong traits, except maybe surprisingly L? if it’s important, as in really crucial, then she’ll find something to occupy her mind with. J will feel the Need to boUncE LeGg and get impatient but once again if you have to wait.. A can tolerate waiting and might space out after some time if she hasn’t got anything to fidget with.7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?songs and music from the old times, in the first place. and.. no. both the girls prefer living in the moment, though for different reasons. A is (as usual) slightly ashamed and thinks she’s made the best choice she could and would rather.. not dwell on her past. L, she.. has the talent of appreciating life as is here and now. J would get nostalgic, sometimes, but it’s with a smile.15. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?whoops, this is actually a deep and interesting question, because it’s greatly connected to the language, and you’d be able to imagine it more vividly, i’m.. missing a big chunk of this. anyway, it’s more of an on the spot type for everyone, generally, unless facing an authority or something. J sounds.. confident, as if he wouldn’t take objections, at least not stupid ones, but his tone is usually light and kinda humourous rather than dead serious. he also looks at people (doesn’t try to hide, that’s my bad habit lol) and gestures not like too much but it’s a habit. A is.. emotional. nearly always. and then, when she does this giRLy vOice.. she wouldn’t let people interrupt but also is uncomfortable being the centre of attention. she avoids obscenities (you might get her to swear but then you’d better run lol). L doesn’t avoid them :) she also uses filler words and seems.. engaged in conversation? as in, she needs to have your constant attention, and maybe overuses these.. tag questions from english grammar, like ‘right???’ or ‘isn’t it??’ it’s not out of inconfidence but to check you were actually listening.24. Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? um, nope. for J, it’s Hella Awkward. there is a communication going on between him and A but.. with a lot of hinting and blushing. actually, A is probably most comfortable with this topic. and of course their private life is not discussed with anyone else.L.. only in a joking/sarcastic way.28. Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? no. if you’ve got bad news, better spill them immeditealy, that’s something all of them agree on. 29. Do they usually live up to their own ideals? J is trYinG (no i really think he needs a hug), L does and demands the same of everyone else, A.. believes her ideals are flexible, but yeah, she’s very.. committed to everything she does.C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?i wish i knew the background better. otherwise.. no, the general idea behind each one was pretty clear. H) What trait do you admire most?in L, evErYtHing… the fact she’s really caring, even if it manifests in a way that’s not immediately recognizable. she sure can call you a mcfucking idiot, she wouldn’t wipe your tears or stand the sight of it, but she does give a fuck whether you’re okay or not. she’s selfless, she’s someone who.. loves life, who never got a crushing depression or a need to escape (unlike those two, maybe because they’re older and it can’t go without consequences?), and she doesn’t hesitate to sacrifice this life. her understanding of feminism, the future is female, all that, and.. the way it transforms her, how it’s fitting, how she really belongs with them, how, if we attempt to draw her it muSt be in uniform.. and then, sHe siNg. in that, she’s a talent.in A.. okaY pLeasE liSteN. to begin with. she’s an intelligent woman who had progeressive views and was able to cut ties with her conservative family, it’s a fact and i think it deserves some respect (and it wasn’t because of love, she met him laTeR). then, the ability to adapt (this could well be the reason for her consequent burnout, and she might be constanlty counting $$$ in her head, but.. if she never really had to do all the housekeeping before, and adjusted to it and didn’t object, at least not explicitly), this is.. admirable. and then.. she loved him. always. she still cared about him. she might have regretted her choice. secretly. she freaked out. she deliberately ruined everything. and.. okay i take back this point about loving him it’s not love if you do this to your spouse. and she is fully responsible. but… if she hadn’t freaked out.. if she could actually calm down and think.. this might never have happened. might. however. it did happen and i think i’ve created a monster. formidable survival skills tho.in J, the fact that he’s the most normal, most relatable and most alive of them all. he’s not.. intimidating like the girls. in short he’s a Bro. open warm and straightforward. and then.. whatever kept him living and hoping after her death, because honestly i don’t understand how. his ability to respect others despite having firm opinions of his own, and to treat others with kindness. that he has a lot of hufflepuff traits, like being loyal, hard-working, tHe HuGS… but deep inside he kNowS he’s a gryffindor. he’s got this.. tendency, this need for risk and adventure. he’s not boring, he wouldn’t be content with routine, there’s always been something poetic about him. that’s.. logical, at least because he writes, lol. maybe this explains his need for faith, as well.
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i got enabled and spent two hours on a list of serin/bihyung hcs cause they’re my favorite rarepair in existence. Also Like. i Trust bihyung to treat Serin with the mutual respect and patience she deserves (looking @ u nex Ur On THIN Fucking Ice For Ur Past BS).
inital dating
gonna say it right now it took Forever for Bihyung to let his feelings for Serin be revealed and even when they were it was during a less than ideal argument over her needing to take better care of herself and her not getting why he's so concerned over her. needless to say once he did give the reason they were both so stunned they spent a good five to eight minutes frozen. trying to think of what to say. not coming up with much. really just thankful that no one was in the same room as them when it happened.
perhaps the funniest thing abt them as a couple is that most ppl can't tell they're romantically involved unless they catch them during a private moment or date. they aren't the kind of people to have others rlly know they're together. they're very lowkey. Also Cause Their Respective Clans Are Still Bitter At Each Other.
though they do keep knowledge that they're a thing to a select few it's still hard to Not notice how they light up when seeing the other or even just having their name mentioned when apart. for Serin it's an easy feat to hide any expression change, but her eyes will seem less unreadable and indifferent. Bihyung doesn't have the same skill at hiding expressions like Serin, acting a certain way is more his thing. Specifically acting like he dislikes her. Which is something he got good at during their years spent at the academy and having to force himself to ignore his crush as much as possible when seeing her do something cool. But one day his usual sneer like smile seems less smug and more like a friendly mocking one, he also cuts down on the condescending attitude when talking to her.
They can play the frenemies card well but the second they can be alone the act falls apart. they still keep any extra lovey dovey stuff for dates or when they Know it's just the two of them, but they can make just sitting in silence or casual conversation about their day seem really soft and romantic. Especially if they feel comfortable enough to hold hands or place soft and short kisses on the other's cheek. They're very cavity inducing to watch.
their dates are often spent in the more casual, less nobility filled parts of chaos. simple outings to town markets and restaurants. sometimes whenever there's a meeting or formal engagement being held in their respective houses can also end in them disappearing when they aren't needed to the gardens or any quiet place. at some point Serin's father and Bihyung's sister begin to get suspicions about them, but Rain assures Navarus that they're just friends, he's never convinced though. and the ensuring reveal that his daughter IS involved with one of the Serpent's princes does leave him conflicted. But He'd Still Prefer The Serpent Than The Undead.
as a married couple
when it was announced that they were engaged it received unexpected joy from both clans. it was a very sudden and unseen development, shocking especially the higher members of both societies and even angering some, but more than anyone the people were happy to learn about it.
the marriage ceremony had been a very small and secret event with only family and close friends present. it was a traditional Serpent marriage.
even when they are married and everyone knew it they still kept a very professional relationship when carrying out their duties. with the exception of not being afraid anymore to kiss the other or tease each other in public.
Bihyung is noticeably the more willing to be affectionate when around others. it's usually limited to just hand holding or leaning against her, gently placing his head atop her's. Serin is more likely to tease or otherwise poke fun at him when given the chance. Really goes for the embarrassing stuff. He'll usually get his revenge in some form or another later on.
Did you know Serin is strong enough to carry a full grown man??? if you doubt her and her sheer strength we can't be friends.
In context, Bihyung is actually a surprisingly affectionate person and loves showing as much love and care to Serin as much as possible. even if that means sticking to her hip and wrapping his arms around her like a sloth when they're alone. She'll feign annoyance but finds it very cute. He also enjoys her (fake) irritated noises as she tries to do anything in the house with him glued to her back. occasionally she'll straight up give him a piggy back ride. He's always a mix between being embarrassed or really impressed at her strength.
They're a very soft and good couple that are the epitome of both a power couple AND a super hot one please think abt it for a second.
They both get ungodly long and beautiful hair as they grow older. Bihyung plays it cool any time Serin says he copied her by saying he actually copied his brother. Both are kind of a lie cause the truth is he just liked having Serin brush his hair so he grew it out so she could spend a bit more time brushing it. They both actually help each other with their hair in the morning.
As much as they enjoy being a lovey dovey couple they're still rivals who can be seen practicing every now and then. Not only does it keep them at the top of the game but it also gives them an excuse to stay in bed the next day. They really don't hold it back when it comes to their supposed practice fights. They don't hold back when it comes to A Lot of things actually. interpret that as you will.
bonus What If They Had Kids
i WAS gonna go with Siana and Nin but i already have some hcs abt Bihyung being their adoptive dad in an au where Serin just says Fuck It and seeks asylum in Serpent that i'll talk abt One Day/probably soon.
Serin is all for kids but Bihyung takes a while to warm up to the idea. Not because he doesn't want any but rather cause he's. Unsure he'd be a good parent. Even when it does happen he still remains nervous.
As corny as it is though the second he holds their child for the first time he can't bring himself to let go of them, all unease or nerves he had moments prior seemingly gone. even when Serin asks to hold them too he says no softly. She can't bring herself to get mad cause between the way he said no and just the sight of him holding their child he’s actually super cute in that moment.
Can you imagine the sort of kid they'd have. Can you imagine just how much potential and power a kid between them would have. Can You.
For such dreary people they sure do light up when they start their own little family. If they seemed content before as just a couple then they're the definition of happiness when seen with their child.
They're both equal parts strict parent and fun parent. Even when they're strict though it comes off very guiding like and very soft. Child neglect and yelling/criticizing a child?? Not in this household.
Within the first year they both commission a plethora of family photos. a photo for each month. It quickly becomes something of a tradition.
One Time when their child was four they Demanded to go help Bihyung with his duties. He spent a good five minutes trying to convince them that being the substitute leader of a clan is boring and that they'd have more fun visting grandpa Navarus with Serin but got done in the second he thought he heard a soft sniffle.
The sight of him walking around the main castle and ordering people around with a four year old held in one arm was quite the sight. especially when he'd go from cutesy dad to stoic hardass.
Serin really wishes she could have been there to see it all. Luckily Rain was there and documented Everything.
It's common knowledge Serin likes dressing up so it's also common knowledge her child is the best dressed baby in both the Demon and Serpent clans. She also greatly enjoys having them all match during family outings. even when he's royalty Bihyung strays from wearing such eye catching clothing and only does it cause Serin's smile is nice, as well as her comments about how handsome he looks, doesn't quite get how a color can bring out his eyes more, but her smile is nice. The only time it wasn't as nice was that time when she made him wear pants with a slit in the sides and the shirt was a bit lower than he was use to. The Demons have an odd taste in clothing.
Serin's that scary looking but actually super soft and loving goth mom i can't get the picture of her kissing her child on the cheek as she says bye cause it's their first day of school but she's wearing dark lipstick so they're just stuck with this kiss imprint on their cheek for the rest of the day cause Serin couldn't wipe it off completely out of my head it’s too cute.
#sal txt.#Sometimes hets are good and serin/bihyung are one of those het pairings i'll say i'd die for#god tho writing all this makes me. wanna write a bunch of i guess lil one shots. They're Too Powerful and such a Sal Brand#if i DO decide to write more stuff with them save for that emo drabble i did a while back it'd#probably be that au i said i have of serin hiding in serpent territory with the twins#also shit man i thought this wasn't that long but now i see i actually typed a lot more than i thought
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