#and makes me feel like I'm doing something for myself which is nice

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for saying I'm not rich?

Wait stop hear me out

So the thing is, my father is wealthy. Or at least he made enough money to have two Ferraris and a boat, which to me are the most useless things because why would u spend that money on this when u could spend it on food or commodities but details

When I was young, any time I asked for money or something, he'd make a huge deal about it. He'd make me feel awful, so awful that I just stopped asking for anything at all, starting from my teenage years to my college years, and I survived entire months, living alone during college, with 50 dollars to get by. For groceries and bills. And yes, he was nice enough to pay for my rent (170 dollars back then) but every time I'd be the worst piece of garbage for asking him. Worst thing was, I wanted a job, but he had this delusion that any sort of job that would take me, basically customer service, i wanted was "underneath my daughter" so he legit didn't let me and he'd go to big, big hoops to not allow me to do so

I'd never buy clothes or other necessities: I spent my teenage years just putting together what I got from relatives to make some savings, and I'd survive on that. He'd go splendid on my birthday and christmas, I guess, he'd buy me things, but I came to dread those days because the thought of him spending money -and how he reacted to it- always sent me into a blind panic so yes even though I got nice gifts I was never happy about it and I really really don't like my birthday

So I was always the girl who had two Ferraris to my friends, and they'd always get mad at me when I honestly told them "actually Im not rich" or "I'm sorry I'd rather go to the cheaper place" - because I legit thought i wasn't - and called me an asshole. But This was my father's money and I lived with him, but I rarely saw an actual dollar, everything I bought was with my savings and I spent years and years accumulating it, hoarding it. So I lived in this fancy house, but I'd wear 3 dollar pants and worn shoes because that's what I could afford with my money.

Note that even paying my school fees was a nightmare to me, because my father openly said I was a parasite and screamed at me but whATEVER

So um, my friends always said i was an ass for saying I didn't have any money, when my father was swimming in it. But when u survive on the allowance ur aunt gave u for an entire month, u really don't feel like it? and I always always felt so bad about it, because it felt like they were right and I was an asshole for pretending I don't have money. Except I didn't. I really didn't. That was all his, not mine, and while he did pay school and college flat rent, he was always making sure I knew what a burden I was for it. So yes, I'd still say I was actually not rich - even though I was lucky enough to have someone pay for me.

Anyway yeah AITA for saying I'm not rich? Tbh I really don't know if I can consider myself that, when it's not mine and I've never actually used it, it doesn't feel like it, but some tell me that's my privilege and I guess that could be right

Note: I am a grown adult now, I live on my own, pay my own things and have my job. And he's happy that he doesn't have to pay for me anymore, is baffled by my relationship with money (I don't like spending it ahah), not so much about me not living with him though. (The weird thing is he wants me with him, but not to take care of me which, honestly, valid) I do have a better relationship with him, but we never talk money because I live on minimum wage - ironically enough in costumer service - and he doesn't, so to me spending 60 on groceries is a lot (150 bills destroy me honestly, so winter is a joy) and he always, always mocks me for it. It's weird how he goes around with a Rolex and snuffs me for wearing Primark pants and then people constantly just... Think I have money at all and get mad at me when I say I don't

Anyway yeah AITA for saying I'm not rich? Tbh I really don't know if I can consider myself that if it's not mine, if I've never actually used it, it doesn't feel like it, but some tell me that's my privilege and I guess that could be right

[prolix-yuy]

Hello friends! It's been way way way way WAY too long since we chatted, and to be honest I've been taking an embarrassingly long time to write this update post because godDAMN life just gets you sometimes and you go on an impromptu hiatus that gets super messy. So let's get into what's been going on and what to look forward to!

Pedro Tax for this long-ass post.

(We're gonna get into some personal stuff, but if you're just here for what's coming up skip down to WHAT'S NEXT for the tl;dr version)

So beyond work getting hectic from January to March, which was the catalyst for everything getting wacky, I experienced a weird emotional turn that I wasn't expecting. It made me get a little introspective, which I blame some of my productivity slump on.

As I was finishing up the Bangathon entries, I noticed a sharp decline in interaction. I'm a fairly young fic writer on Tumblr, but I was a little baffled as to why stories I'd posted only a week before got a nice bit of interaction yet the newer ones were only getting half to a quarter of what I expected. For a minute I thought I had been shadowbanned (I was not) or I hadn't tagged the posts (I had) or my taglists weren't working (they were). People were already talking about interaction being lower, so I sat back and tried to go with the flow and not let it bother me. I posted Decoherence, which has a more niche audience, but I was definitely missing and wishing for some of the comments and reblogs I thought I might get.

All this led up to one of the least favorite voices in my head saying something that stuck around:

"Well, you were right not to become a writer if your motivation is this closely tied to feedback."

If you're new here or I haven't talked about it much recently, I initially was planning to be a writer. Went to school for it and everything. While I was there I felt like I hadn't found the stories I wanted to tell yet. My colleagues were developing in their niches and writing "the great American novel" and I didn't feel like I fit in. My stories had a lukewarm reception, and I never felt like anyone was excited about anything I was trying to say. So I wrote myself into burnout by the time I graduated with not much to show for it. I ended up doing a career switch, which I love to this day, but I stopped writing for almost 10 years.

Coming to Tumblr, I felt that spark of excitement writing again, and some of that was definitely due to people commenting and being excited or interested in the stories I was sharing. That truly revived something in me I thought was long gone, and reflecting back on the last two years that I've been sharing stories with this community makes me wildly emotional. I didn't know how much I missed of the life I left behind, and how much joy it brought me to share stories again.

Which is why it was SUPREMELY FRUSTRATING to have that shitty little voice pulverize my productivity and excitement over something as silly as interaction. But I'm sure most of you know how hard it is to get that voice out of your head. I worked to write things I found fun and less stressful than the series I already felt bad for not updating. And while I still love those stories, it felt like I was pulling them from an inauthentic place and finishing them wasn't as satisfying as I'd hoped.

Thus the hiatus! I stopped writing and turned my attentions to consuming and creating in other ways. I watched some shows I'd been meaning to catch up on, started planning to buy a house, worked my butt off at the day job. And I was starting to feel like inspiration was coming back. I didn't want to spook it so I took my time and promised myself I was going to start small and not stress about getting stories out for a bit.

Top that off with some medical surprises, an upcoming surgery, and a little re-evaluation of life moving forward and things have been wild. But I've been missing the daily joy I get from being part of this fandom, and I'm getting back into being here more because I miss you guys! AND! I have stories I want to share and fun to be had. So let's shake off all the heavy shit and get to the fun stuff!

WHAT'S NEXT!

The big thing I'm getting ready to post (after teasing it for so long) is the 2024 Bangathon! This one is different from last year's because instead of requesting stories from me, the Bangathon is open to anyone who wants to participate! There will be a randomizer to play with, and some fun bonuses for those who participate. The announcement will be coming out soon, stay tuned!

As for fics, here are some updates on what's in my WIPs:

Series:

I Think of You: I spent some time rewatching Mando for the newest installment, and I've finally gotten the thread of where to go next thought out. It's been a long time coming so this one's gonna be BEEFY to make up for it.

SW!Frankie: I am crushed to realize it's been over a year since I posted any SW!Frankie! I've got a new story about him and Ms J moving in together I need to finish, then some more asks that are getting into new story arcs I'm excited to share!

Best Laid Plans: Dieter and Murch's first date is bouncing around in my head and I NEED to get it on paper. There's much fun to be had, and I've been binge listening to my playlist for them to get into the headspace.

Midnight Alley: I got all up in my own head about continuing the story with these two and lost a little steam, so I'm going to ease off my "big plans" and start smaller with some oneshots instead. I think it'll help me find out where I want this story to go.

One Shots in Progress:

Decoherence Follow-Up

Incubus!Dieter Ask

You know, laying it out like that makes it feel much more manageable than my brain was telling me! I'm also planning to prioritize more fic reading while I'm getting these updates in ship-shape. Reading your stories always helps get my creative juices flowing, and there are so many good ones lingering in my TBR list that I need to devour.

This has been a rollercoaster of emotions, so thank you for coming on the ride with me. I'm excited to bring more of myself back to Tumblr and have fun with all of you again! To many more stories!

[tearsaura]

Didn’t go as planned // Brennan Sorrengail x reader

A/N: based on this request. Hope you enjoy it! It kind of turned into a blurb

Word count: 693

Warnings: mentions of blood

Picture is from Pinterest: horevapolina2

‘My love, as much as seeing you makes my day better, I don’t want you as a patient’ Y/N sighed as she spotted Brennan sitting up on one of the patient beds, one hand holding a bloodied cloth to his nose, but the glint in his eyes suggested that he was grinning beneath said cloth.

Y/N stopped in front of him and took the cloth from his hand. She felt his nose carefully, her eyebrows furrowed as she wore that look of concentration that Brennan loved so much.

Breaking his nose had its advantages.

'Hmm... it's slightly broken. It would still take a few weeks for it to heal on its own. You can't avoid healing yourself, but you surely knew that before you came to me.’ She said with a teasing smile that he returned.

‘Yeah, Mira’s punch is half as mean as she likes to claim it, but I wanted to see you.’ He replied and Y/N’s grin grew even wider. She sat down next to him and squeezed his hand.

‘You don’t need to break your nose to see me. I can give you something to stop the blood. The family reunion didn’t go as well as you hoped.’ Brennan sighed.

‘I knew she would be mad. She has every right to do so. And the fact that she broke my nose has something familiar about it. Feels like being sixteen again' she burst out laughing, which he joined in.

‘It’s a shock for them. She's certainly happier than she's showing right now.' He nodded and pulled her closer to him by her hand until her face was just a few inches from his.

‘You know what will help me heal? A kiss’ ‘Oh really. I’ve never learned that during my training.’

'Well they probably wanted to keep some things to themselves to create a power imbalance. But I need a lot of energy to heal myself and the best resource for energy is a kiss from you,” he replied. ‘Mmhkay but let me clean your face first and stop your bleeding, you’re covered in blood.’ Brennan picked up the cloth again and wiped his face roughly, hissing when it caught his nose.

'There. Clean. Now I want my kiss.’ Y/N rolled her eyes but obeyed him. She cupped his cheeks in her hands and gently placed her lips on his. Brennan smiled into the kiss and buried his hands in her hair.

Their moment alone got interrupted by the sound of the door, and both turned their heads towards the door.

His sister Mira walked in, closely followed by Violet. The two of them froze when they saw their brother. Mira raised her eyebrows and Violet grinned. Y/N wanted to pull away from Brennan, but he continued to hold her close and sat up straighter.

‘Well, that's not how I imagined I'd introduce you to each other, but it is what it is. Violet, Mira, this is Y/N, my girlfriend’.

‘It’s nice to finally meet you,’ Y/N said with a shy smile, and Brennan could kiss her again because of that.

Violet smiled back, but Mira’s facial expression remained unchanged, her eyes fixed on Brennan.

‘Don’t you want to say something?’ Brennan asked his sister.

‘The Mender goes to the healer? Really?’ she asked, and Y/N busted out laughing.

‘Right?!’ she said amidst her laughter, infecting Violet with it. Even Mira smiled.

‘I wanted to get a professional’s opinion!’ ‘Well, I suspect you just want to see the healer,’ Violet teased, sitting down on the bed next to Y/N.

'I'm not commenting on that,' Brennan countered. Mira strolled over to the other side of his bed and plopped down on it. She turned to Y/N: 'Is this the moment we tell you embarrassing childhood stories?' 'I've been waiting too long for this' his girlfriend said and turned completely to her. Brennan groaned.

He leaned back and even though his sister completely embarrassing him in front of his love, he felt more at home than ever before.

The three most important women in his life were here with him, safe and he will do everything to keep it that way.

[ltash]

Piss Poor Tea

Ghost has to drive you to the city and he is not happy about it so he has something on his mind.

Ghost! I need you to take her to the city. She needs to get her belongings from her apartment." Laswell said.

"Why Me? Soap can drive her." He countered.

"Because I said so, Lieutenant," Laswell replied firmly, her tone leaving no room for argument. "Besides, you have your car here. It's more convenient."

A heavy sigh escaped Ghost's lips, his reluctance evident in the way he shifted his weight. "Fine, I'll take her," he relented, though the frustration lingered in his voice.

"Soap will accompany you too." Laswell said.

"Ok! When do we leave?" Ghost inquired, his voice tinged with a hint of reluctance.

"As soon as possible," Laswell replied briskly. "I am giving you a day off. Try to make it quick. Tomorrow we will be finalizing our next mission." With that, she declared, "Meeting is dismissed."

Ghost turned to me, his gaze lingering for a moment before he stated, "Meet me in an hour. Get ready." Then, without waiting for a response, he left the room.

The journey stretched on for two long hours, with Soap's incessant chatter filling the car.

"Aye LT! Why was strawberry crying?" Soap quipped, unable to contain his own laughter. "Because it was in a jam."

"Put on some music, please. I'm getting bored," I interjected, hoping to drown out Soap's jokes.

Throughout the ride, I noticed Ghost's gaze fixed on me in the rearview mirror, his eyes unwavering. "LT! You have a staring problem?" I teased, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "Look ahead, or we'll be in big trouble."

Ghost finally tore his eyes away from me in the mirror and refocused on the road ahead, his expression unreadable.

After a long journey, we finally arrived at my home in the afternoon. I turned the key in the lock and swung the door open, inviting Ghost and Soap inside.

"Welcome to my abode boys where I only got to spend 2 hours of my life. Make yourself at home." I joked around.

"Nice home lass." Soap added. Do you have a car too? He asked.

"Yes. They shipped my car beforehand. Its a Tesla. Its in the underground parking." I said. "And speaking of that I remembered it wasn't charged."

Soap replied. "A Tesla, huh? Fancy choice." He chuckled.

"Yeah, but not very practical if it's not charged," Ghost remarked.

"Don't worry, we can take care of that later," Soap said with a grin. "First, let's get your stuff."

"Do you drink?" Ghost asked.

"Yes I drink but only coffee. Sorry you won't find any Bourbon here." I chuckled.

"Good enough for me," Ghost said with a smirk. "But I drink tea."

Soap chimed in, "I could use a cup too, if you don't mind.

"Tea it is then," I corrected myself with a smile. "I'll put the kettle on."

I remembeed there was milk in the fridge which I hadn't even opened. Thankfully it wasn't gone bad.

As I was making tea Ghost came to stand against the counter. Soap was busy watching TV.

I added milk, sugar and tea altogether and put it on the stove.

Ghost was watching me closely and he intervened.

"You have to mix tea and water first and bring it to a boil then add a dash of milk and sugar according to taste. You are doing it wrong." He added.

"My mother used to make tea like that. I like it that way more." I said and gave him a smile.

"Its not English tea then." Ghost came closer and said very softly.

It gave me chills down my spine hearing him so close to me.

"You have to try it. Trust me." I replied.

"Jesus! Trying this tea will be more difficult than our Al Qatala mission." He scoffed.

He then went back to the couch to sit Soap.

After making tea I served it with biscuits and chips.

"Here you go gentlemen." I said placing the tray on the table.

"Thankyou Lass, for your hospitability." Soap chuckled.

Feeling the need for a change of clothes, I excused myself and made my way to the bathroom.

"Piss poor tea." I heard Ghost saying.

My blood started to boil at his remarks. Why does he have to be such a jerk?

My bags were already packed, untouched since my arrival. Retrieving my belongings, I selected a black, high-waisted leather skirt that hugged my curves, complemented by a velvet, noodle-strap blouse. Tossing on a leather jacket for good measure, I emerged from the room feeling refreshed and ready.

Returning to the common area, I found Ghost once again staring at me with his intense gaze. It was like his eyes were boring into my soul, igniting a fire within me that I struggled to contain. Sitting down on the couch opposite him, I tried to focus on anything but the way his eyes seemed to strip me bare with their intensity.

"Maybe we should hang out for a bit," I suggested, breaking the silence that lingered between us.

"I need to get something from my apartment too," Ghost muttered, his voice low and somewhat hesitant.

"Alright, let's go to a club then. You can get what you're looking for from your home, and then we'll head back," I replied, trying to keep the mood light.

"Fine," he agreed, his tone begrudging.

Soap, always eager to join in on the fun, chimed in, "I'M COMING TOO!"

"Of course you are! We won't leave you here," I laughed lightly, grateful for the opportunity to break the tension.

We arrived at the club, and Ghost ordered his usual bourbon while Soap opted for whiskey. As for me, I stuck to my usual coke, preferring to stay sober.

Soap indulged in drink after drink, quickly downing several, while Ghost kept a more measured pace. By the time we decided to call it a night, Soap was already passed out in the car, leaving Ghost and me to handle the situation.

"It's getting late. We need to get Soap home," I urged Ghost as we made our way to the car.

He drove to his apartment.

"We don't have much time Ghost. We need to leave. Make it quick please." I said.

Ghost glanced at me, his expression serious. "I can't drive a long distance properly after drinking. It's not safe. We'll have to spend the night here," he explained.

Concerned about Soap's well-being, I hesitated. "What about Soap?" I asked.

Ghost shrugged, unfazed. "Leave him in the car. Come with me if you want to. I won't take long," he suggested.

Despite my reservations, I knew he had a point.

Trusting him as my lieutenant, I reluctantly agreed. "Fine. Let's go," I said, steeling myself for what lay ahead.

The car came to a halt in front of a nondescript building, and I glanced over at Soap, who was sound asleep in the backseat.

Ghost opened the door, and I followed him inside the building, the weight of the night's events hanging heavy on my mind.

We rode the elevator up to the second floor, and I followed Ghost down the hall to his apartment, his confident stride unwavering.

As he unlocked the door and stepped inside, I followed suit, feeling a sense of unease settle over me.

He kicked off his shoes, leaving them neatly by the door, I saw him barefoot the first time.

I couldn't help but steal a glance at his feet, his toes were perfectly aligned, even this man's feet were perfect.

He opened his bedroom door and entered. My glance darting on his back, his cargo pants were tight around his thighs.

He looked so good in those.

Taking in my surroundings, I noted the simplicity of his apartment, the sparse furnishings lending an air of minimalism to the space.

"Come inside. I won't bite." His thick British voice echoed from his bedroom.

Reluctantly, I stepped into his bedroom, feeling a wave of apprehension wash over me. Ghost was perched on the edge of his bed, his gaze fixed on me as I entered.

I hesitated, unsure of what to say or do in this unexpected situation. But his reassuring tone eased some of my tension, and I took a hesitant step forward, closing the distance between us.

"What do you need from here?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady despite the turmoil swirling inside me.

Ghost got up from his bed and walked over to a table in the corner of the room. There was a laptop and some files on the table. He picked up one of the files and started looking through it carefully.

He seemed focused on what he was doing, flipping through the pages with care.

"I need to give these papers to Capt. Price," he said.

I stood beside him, observing as he flipped through the pages. "What is this?" I asked, curious about the contents.

He remained silent for a moment before responding. "Forget it," he finally said dismissively.

But then he looked at me, and suddenly, a sharp piece of paper cut his thumb. He cursed softly, shaking his hand in pain. I did not know he took off his gloves.

"Show me," I said, taking hold of his hand and bringing his thumb to my lips, sucking away the blood from the paper cut.

The sweet and metallic taste of his blood touched my lips.

He stood there in total shock, his expression caught between surprise and confusion. A small groan escaped from his lips, his eyes narrowing at me with a mix of emotions.

I let go of his thumb, breaking the silence that had settled between us. "It should be fine now," I said softly, trying to ease the tension in the air.

He placed his hand on my cheek, the warmth of his touch radiating to my face, sending a shiver down my spine. "What have you just done to me, Angela?" he asked softly, rolling his balaclava up to his nose, his eyes locked on mine.

I struggled to find the words, but before I could respond, his lips crashed into mine, silencing any further conversation.

[femmespoiled]

Taking myself on a silly little walk to get some ice cream after therapy tomorrow, because I feel sad and I deserve the treat

[lovelaceisntdead]

should I get a ticket to a book signing on thursday.

[sysig]

Red Eyes and Evil Time, practically the same thing right (Patreon)

[dawntheduckrb]

I'll stop posting wips eventually but it's been five days since I've said anything and I don't want anyone to think I'm dead/dying/stuck in a ditch and withering away, so here's 10% of the reason I disappeared (the duck is stuck in rendering hell) (and my little baby laptop is screaming at me every time I open up this file)

I might still be mostly lurking for a little bit so please be patient with me in the meantime 🙏🙏

[novelconcepts]

i don't make resolutions, but if i did

it would be to finish this fic

(and to be kind to myself for however long it takes to actually do so)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for calling out my friend's spending habits?

✈💸 to find later

I (NB 20s) have been struggling to find employment for a long time. I've been struggling a lot with money- I'm technically indebted to my bank due to an overdraft I dipped into during my last weeks of university while paying off surprise fees, and in the entire year since have been unsuccessful in paying it off for any meaningful length of time. The stress has been immense and I've been avoiding like the plague any kind of personal purchase or leisure activity that might cost me anything. It's a mindset that's been making me profoundly miserable and that I'll probably struggle to get out of for a long time.

However, in the past few weeks, I've managed to land what I can only describe as my dream job. It doesn't start for another couple months, and the pay won't be fantastic (it's an internship), but without a doubt it will change my life. Desperate to do something nice and give myself a break, members of my family agreed to lend me money via plane tickets to do a nice trip this summer and see my best friends abroad, my last big hurrah before entering the full-time workforce for the rest of my life (and being able to pay them back). And I've been really excited! I've been saving even harder than usual, scraping up cash and politely asking grandparents. It won't be easy to support myself in another country in my financial situation, I understand that, but I'm at a point where I think I can do it for a short time and not be a burden on the people who are hosting me.

However, the only issue comes with my friend (NB 20s). I've known them for years, we're extremely close, and we've been waiting for a chance to see each other again for most of that time not knowing if it would ever happen due to my financial situation, so this is the opportunity of a lifetime. They really want to host me, for at least 2 weeks, and do all these nice things together we've been planning. But in the past month or so they've all but drained hundreds of dollars from their bank account in art commissions and room decorations for themself, all of which they've been excitedly showing off to me and our other friends, all the while running out of money entirely. They can't pick up work from their (seasonal) job anymore, either, so there's no way for them to earn back the money now, and recently they've started having to push their commissions just to cover their student loan payment this month. In ordinary circumstances I wouldn't mind and would try and help them out, but I won't be in any financial position on the trip to cover their bills as well as my own (at least not regularly), and I feel like this would have been so preventable if they'd just... picked less wildly expensive things to buy as a treat, knowing the circumstances.

They've said they're also stressed and need to buy themselves nice things sometimes, which I totally agree with! I'm not that much of a party pooper, they are in a rough situation themself right now and the stuff they bought does make them genuinely happy. But it also sucks to watch them then have to struggle to pay for bills and necessities because of it, and I feel really selfish for thinking of it in the framework of our time together later as well. I've done my absolute best to be able to spend at least a few weeks having a great time with them not worrying and pinching pennies while taking care of myself, but now I'm worried we're just going to spend the trip with both of us stressed out of our minds and stuck at home struggling to pay for gas. I'm an anxious person, and the few times I've tried to bring up my worries in a more gentle way, they've vehemently reassured me everything will be fine, but now I'm leaving in just over a week and everything seems like it's getting worse instead of improving.

I know I should be just glad to spend time in their company, even if it is just at home, but I can't stop feeling like the way they've been spending money in the leadup to this has been really irresponsible and preventable. But even if so, it made them happy in the moment so i should be happy for them too, and surely it's just straight up none of my business? It's also not like they can take it back now- it's already happened, and they can't earn the money back if they wanted to. I feel like if i called them on it at this point it'd just be a dick move and come across pointless and jealous, but I also can't help but think it's unproductive to let this gnaw at me the entire time, like I should really be communicating this kind of upset and talk it out first in case it comes to a head and boils over and ruins our whole time together.

I'm aware I'll be long into the trip by the time this posts but it'd be nice to look back and see other perspectives.

[astriiformes]

.

[heybaetae]

.

[supercantaloupe]

also i swear to gd i Need to get less weird and anxious about the mere concept of talking to maestro. i have known and played with him for seven years and in that time he has been literally nothing but kind and friendly and helpful and supportive. and yet every single time i have to ask him a question (or if he comes to talk to ME or like sends me an email or something) i swear to gd my heart starts racing like i’m about to get banned from every orchestra ever or something

[yousaytomato]

Trying my hardest not to be anxious and sad about things that have already happened and that I can't do anything about now. But How

[blujayonthewing]

so the thing about this journal I got for christmas last year is: it turns out I actually (and somewhat to my own surprise) really like this soft cover leatherbound style-- but this paper is... difficult, and while it is very Aestheticque, and it was fun and good to work with it over the last year, I think I want better paper for my next sketch/ hodgepodge book. the PROBLEM is that this style of book construction is SO simple I almost feel that I must make my own from scratch rather than buy one, but that leads me back around to the same problem I've always had with making my own sketchbooks, which is that I dunno where to get loose paper I would actually like :'D

[heartyearning]

context for today’s rant is that i got the feedback on my jury’s written feedback in the ‘general’ section (meaning it comes from more than one person) that i’m disrespectful towards my teachers and fellow students (i got it phrased in 2 different ways for flavour) & when i asked around today who said this so i could see how i could change my behaviour (btw none of my fellow students think this which i know bc i asked and everyone was shocked that i got this feedback) all of them were ‘i dont think this but it was discussed that’ which is funny bc it means the school’s computer system has a ghost or no one wants to fucking apologise to me for a very personal and hurtful comment that they can’t back up, but anyway, i was asking for clarification & my most diplomatic teacher (who i dont for a second believe to have written this feedback bc she’d have said so to my face no doubt) was like “well some teachers are worried about you and [best friend]’s clique & think it might turn into an Intellectuals Vs Others thing” (i don’t need to tell you this is so fucking out there i nearly fell from my seat like i have never said this in my life and when this very teacher saying this made a comment about one of my less-well read fellow students i was one of the ones who ‘‘rallied’‘ or whatever in her favour) and anyway then she continued “some ppl feel like u make condescending comments & you just need to remember not everyone has had your trajectory in life” WHICH IS FUNNY because she says this bc my bestie’s got a whole philosophy degree but i’m a highschool dropout with a lower than average iq in certain subjects. which obviously isnt even close to being the point and i do know that but i’m clearly feeling very upset and mad about this whole situation.