#and maybe theyll die here

[arsenicflame]

thinking about how all the rest of blackbeards crew had left by the time stede found the revenge

thinking about how ed was laid out in such a respectful way, like he was someone wanted to mourn

thinking about even after all he said, after mutinying on him, izzy could never really leave ed

thinking about how after all he did for them, all he lost, our crew couldn't leave him either

[luck-of-the-drawings]

two wrongs WILL make a right! ive got another lease on life, and im using it well, who cares if this is all fucked up cause we're all GOING TO HELL! IM JUST WILLIAM WHO SHOULD BE DEAD, HAD TO FOLLOW THE THREAD, thought he was just chillin! now he is a villain! HES ALWAYS SUCH A BUMMER, HE WANTS TO TRUST HIS BROTHER WILLIAM IN A HALLWAY BY HIMSEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

[the-knife-consumer]

Forgot just how upsetting gloomed korok forest is

[youaremysunshine-court]

.

[birbtails]

.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for calling animal control to take my moms dogs?

look. hear me out.

when my mom and i were originally planning on moving, i told her no dogs. she could have any animal she wants, but i will not, under any circumstances, live with a dog. i told her she can wait till our elderly cat passes away (hes 18), and until i move out. ive never had good experiences living with dogs. yes, i know, its because of the owners not training them. im saying, in no uncertain terms, that my mom would be too lazy to train a dog. like i love this woman with my whole entire heart but i know her well enough to know she would give up after two weeks. and then i would be stuck living with a potentially destructive animal.

so what did she do literally a week after we had this conversation? adopt a stray. a pregnant stray. shes a big dog too. my mom is a full time caretaker for my grandparents, and she found the dog wandering around the neighborhood. so she started feeding the dog. and then the dog had 12 puppies. you read that right. TWELVE. PUPPIES. she managed to adopt out 7 of them, but she still has 5 out at my grandparents house, plus dogmom, AND dogdad. my mother has also adopted who we think is the father of the puppies.

i will say she is doing her best to care for the parents and the puppies. she spends most of her time in the yard with them, and she built a pen for the puppies that gives them a ton of room to run around whenever shes not there. they have blankets and she built a roof over the half of the pen where their beds are and she feeds them plenty.

the biggest issue i have with it is all the broken promises. she said she would take them to our local hardware store to set up an adoption table for them several months ago, when they were still small. never happened. this is something that this hardware store does frequently, to help lower the amount of strays in the area. my mom just chose not to do it. every opportunity to adopt them out or send them to a no-kill shelter that has come her way, she has chosen not to take, just because she doesnt want to make the effort.

here arises the main issue. we are down in texas, and there is supposed to be a freeze incoming in just a few days. a major freeze, like the one that knocked out our power grid back in 2021. and my mom has 7 outside dogs who are not allowed inside, as my grandparents are elderly and disabled. theyre not allowed at home either, since we still have our old ass cat and we arent allowed to have extra animals, as per our lease. and it would be hard to hide seven large dogs, anyway.

im concerned that if i dont do something, they will freeze to death out there. blankets can only do so much, and if theyre taken to an animal control shelter, maybe theyll at least have heating? and if the power does go out, theyll at least be safe from the elements. i know animal control is probably evil and calling them is likely a death sentence for an animal too. but the way i see it, its either animal control or die out in the cold.

this is literally the situation that those really depressing ASPCA commercials were written about, except this is my life.

so, WIBTA for calling animal control to take my moms dogs?

What are these acronyms?

[liloinkoink]

as someone who also has so much homework to do. what are your thoughts on treesekai ren (speaking of treesekai, i actually sent that fic to a friend like a year ago who doesn't watch hermitcraft etc and i remember we had fun reading it and giggling over the anime of it all so tysm for that ♡)

i am no longer doing homework so i can share thoughts. it is almost 3am tho so idk theyll be coherent

first im glad you two enjoyed it! dont know how i feel about the fact it's breached containment but it is good to know it holds up

[speaking of, this fic was posted a year ago, so if you dont know what treesekai is, here is the link for you]

second i think all the time about just how lonely treesekai Ren is. ive made posts like this before but Ren is just... he's so lonely. Ren is a character with a lot of love in him, always. he always wants someone to care about. often many someones! he gravitates towards big loyal teams, and he usually spends his time at home building a place for that team to be protected and safe, and is willing to die to defend that home (and he has. twice.)

dogwarts was a big team whose loyalty he took seriously and whose home he died to defend. the shadow alliance had matching skins and, until they went red, all ren's loyalty, and their base of operations was one of the last bases standing bc Ren continually put it back together for his teammates. Ren and BigB died on the doorstep of of box, with ren's last words being about defending it. home and the people in it are important to him

treesekai Ren is the same, but he doesnt really have anywhere to point it. he has a home, but what matters to Ren about a home is that theres people in it. he loves the country he rules but he thinks if he does that hard enough he'll have someone, and he just doesnt. he assumes he can trust his staff, thinks he'll be able to make alliances with other nations, hopes his fiance will be that person he needs. but he isnt! and Ren cant trust him! or his staff! or other royalty! no one else in the world cares about him! many of the people close to him ultimately want him dead!

so, in the game, he ends up paranoid, and he ends up evil, and he ends up dead

but in the fic he meets Martyn, and he gets that connection and affection and care hes been looking for all this time. and like. it fascinates me how much Martyn doesnt know how much hes changed ren's life. Ren isnt evil for nothing--above all he's lonely and hurt. by saving him from loneliness, Martyn saves his life. he could abandon the game plotline then and there, completely forgoing all the normal isekai tropes of running thru every event w future knowledge and picking the best possible outcome, and Ren would no longer die. just by being there and sincerely caring for Ren, Martyn has already achieved the best of all possible worlds. and he doesnt even know it!

i just. i love how lonely he is and how simple he is. he just wants to be loved. he just wants to love someone. he's a dating sim character, after all, and that's the whole point, isn't it? his world exists just so the people in it can be loved, and he's not allowed to have any of that. if youd just give him a romance, he'd be more than happy to be a love interest instead, but he isnt! he isnt allowed! no wonder he loses it. on some level, maybe he knows hes being denied the fundamental purpose for existence in his universe

this is rambly bc its rlly late but im just. it must hurt more than anything to be the one character in a world about love who is meant to be completely unlovable

[jadedharleys]

calliope and roxy are like. doomed yuri that undoomed itself with the power of just being two silly guys together. calliope spends the whole time either knowing shes going to die or already dead. but the thing is even KNOWING this. KNOWING this with absolute certainty. calliope still has this intense aura of optimism. like uhhh ok heres this section about calliope from my homestuck metafiction paper thats been a wip for AGES:

tldr, calliope takes the position of a hopeful reader in homestuck. you can know a character in a tragedy is doomed and still read it and hope theyll succeed.

and calliope IS doomed. shes supposed to die its already been done caliborn has already won lord english is already here but roxy tells calliope shell call her into the void until calliope comes back and calliope tells jane that she will make everything better and stays hopeful that maybe. MAYBE. something might turn out differently than its been written.

and when the retcons happen. one consequence is that roxy can bring calliope the ring of life. and this girl who has never meant to live is pulled out of the void by a rogue of void.

[ohwell-itsme-but-danganronpa]

Different kind of a killing game

[parts said by others start with their names, also this one is incredibly long and goes into post-game saiou angst]

Hina: Okay so moving from ⁠gore-discussions because this wasn’t exactly gore: Ideas for alternative motives for V3. The one that I’m thinking about very much right now is the idea of a prisoners dilemma type motive The general idea of the prisoners dilemma is: any number of prisoners in a group have an option of giving information to authorities in order to lessen their sentence. If one person gives information, they will be let off with a much shorter sentence, at the consequence of the other prisoners getting a heavier one, but if they all stay quiet, they keep the same regular length sentence. If they all expose each other, they all get the heavier sentence The idea hinges around what humans do in a situation where trust like this is involved. The best outcome for all parties is if everyone stays quiet, but if one person decides to sell them out, they’re at risk of a larger sentence So yeah, that and put it in V3

Oliver: What information would they have that monokuma would want??

Hina: It doesn’t necessarily have to be information It’s mainly the choice of whether to do what the authority figure wants at the cost of selling out the group I’d imagine it like this. Monokuma gives them a period of time to investigate and then tells them theyll be given a vote on who the mastermind is If you correctly vote the mastermind, you get to leave no consequences. If you vote incorrectly, however. The person that you voted for will die and you’re labeled their blackened. If nobody votes, you all get to continue the game without any risks So here’s the dilemma. Even if they all know with 100% certainty who the mastermind is, the mastermind can still vote wrong and kill a person, even if the rest get out And the other option is they have to trust the idea that nobody votes and they all love

Checkers: can they see who votes first?

Hina: No, They don't know who, Unless they're watching each other That's another fun part, Watching their behavior as they vote Cause I'm assuming they're voting at rhe trial podiums So they can all see each other too

[some time was spent talking about which chapter this motive should be introduced in & speculating about what would happen in the suggested scenarios, but that won't be relevant bc of a later decision]

Hina: I just xame to a beautiful discovery This would be the perfect motive for a Mastermind Shuichi AU Like it's right up his alley eith the detective thing

Oliver: IMAGINE IF IT WAS A REPEATING MOTIVE…….. you could actually make a whole death game out of that

Hina: No but did you know that's actually a second part to the prisoners dillema There's a second aspect to the prisoners dillema related to: What would happen the more times the situation was repeated Would they start working together over time realizing it's bad for them Would they use exposing each other as bargaining chips. Like. "If you let me lessen my sentence today I'll let you lessen yours tomorrow"

Oliver: I was thinking if it were a repeating motive, it could practically be the whole gimmick of the killing game. Like imagine two people die from being voted for. One blackened, and one person who gets away scot-free but killed the other person with their vote. The blackened gets caught, because Shuichi, but maybe someone else finds out who the other voter was, and kills them because the other person who died was close to them. Another trial, and then another Prisoner's Dilemma Vote

Hina: You want to know another fun idea If this is a simulation in which Shuichi doesn't care because he knows he's gonna live and is playing observer In a scenario where they've voted out blackened to die They're given the option of thus "If everyone says yes, I'll bring back half the dead participants at random. If any specific people are voted for, they will be brought back and the rest stay dead" So now it's a choice of bringing back the most people, or trying to guarantee that the person you care for most comes vack It's the reverse dilemma And there's probably people you don't want to come back so Do you really want to risk your best friend not coming back, in favor of someone you hate Mastermind can vote someone they don't want back into the ftay Imagine Kokichi gets voted out on pretenses of people suspecting him Nobody wanted to bring him back, so Shuichi used his vote to guarantee he was brought back Now there's dealing with the fact of. Hey, I'm alive again At the cost of someone who goes against mg moral code in every way being the person to do ir

I am imagining them doing the dillema as a bonus after getting the normal trial vote right so right after 4th trial would be good

this also made me think of a killing game on fully different rules, where if they fail to get away as a blackened they're not executed since the only goal is finding the mastermind. they would be doing only the mastermind vote after trials, with the option to skip, but generally, they get two chances to eliminate mastermind per chapter, first by setting up the murder, and then second if the group figured out the murder and get to vote, if somebody gets away with murder, they leave on their own, the group will be allowed to leave if mastermind is eliminated, and that's with keeping in mind that voting for someone means killing them, but they don't have to worry about being executed for getting it wrong, it's just about their morals.

Checkers: what if the mastermind is killed?

the game ends

there should be a hard limit of how many people can be voted out per trial too, so it doesn't end too fast, like "only first three votes will count, so decide quickly" or even less. I think, with the presence of mastermind being known and everyone working against them rules would be way stricter in general, mass murder wasn't allowed to begin with, here it's "you've only got one shot", it only gets reset if everyone still alive has blood on their hands (either by murder or vote) or, my first idea, was it being reset every chapter after vote, aka the killer couldn't vote in the same chapter, but the idea of everybody having blood on their hands come final chapter is spicier,

Checkers: if you vote correctly you leave and if majority votes correctly the mastermind dies?

not in my version, it's enough for one correct vote to kill the mastermind, only the first three who vote register, even if they're all skips, people who voted for someone or killed directly would break a rule and therefore be punished for getting another person killed before it's reset because of a lack of spotless

Checkers: if only the first three register then there might be a lot more panic over voting maybe they rush to vote without thinking as much so. I propose. monokuma changes the voting layout midgame, they were ready to vote and clicked really fast but didn't realize they voted wrong until it was too late

yeah, that panic is what's I was going for, they gotta be locked in and ready to get someone killed the moment voting pulls up Kokichi is a big fan of getting in a "skip" as one of those 3 but not everybody thinks like that the first time, he's just like, "oh, then we can all press skip, nice, easy." and then there's a bang.

they could [reveal who they voted for], but they're not obligated to,

Checkers: I think they would, or others might force them to say it. it prevents a lot of wasted votes/kills

they don't even know if their votes are the ones that registered until the voting is done and acted on, the votes that registered get revealed but without information who put them in, so if somebody voted the same as you just faster you wouldn't know and just think that's probably your vote, some might try to get others to vote the same as them if they're convinced somebody's the mastermind, but if they got other motives for trying to eliminate someone, they'd rather stay quiet,

I think since it's more of a cat & mouse game between mm and others, there would be messages from them included in the rewards they get, one a real hint and one misleading, they just have to decide which is which, those would replace the flashback lights I guess,

mm Shuichi would listen to what others are suggesting to him, making Kaito think that he is relying on him, but actually he's only okay with voting on Kokichi because he's planning to bring him back later, great for the plot, but not mm Shuichi would mostly just skip until he had solid evidence someone is the mastermind

Sini: The thing is, I can see some people not even voting the mastermind here. Like, someone could vote for the killer as revenge or for the safety of the group. Or, someone might vote cause they know they themselves are likely to be voted as the mastermind and they want to take the chance of being the first vote that can take the person who will vote them out as a means of saving their own skin. Like, Himiko could vote Korekiyo off for example. And the last scenario could absolutely fit Kokichi, though the question is, would he actually do that? Given how he is in game, I think he would as it is just one of the sacrifices he'd have to make in order to end the game himself

yes, you get my vision 100% what I meant by "other motives" he could still make Gonta do it, he'd tell him it's to raise their chances, but it'd be actually because he knows he himself would hesitate but also consider: he doesn't make it far enough this time too sus for his own good

Sini: Little guy dies before he can even think to do that or pull it off…

he'd get voted out as soon as the second trial, then mastermind would bring him back after the 4th, the group dynamic would be a lot different, some would probably be more willing to trust him now, knowing he's not the mm, but that too depends on how well he copes with that

somebody voted him out, in fact, most likely multiple people voted for him, and now that he's back… they expect cooperation? he teams up with Shuichi because he's the one that voted him back in, or so he says, can't fully trust that, but hopefully? more than others

I think this one vote would become public because they'd have an argument after seeing Ouma brought back and make each other admit to their votes, there was some suspicion and talking behind backs and asking each other one on one before, but this is the one where it would become a whole ordeal of peer pressure, so the brought back peeps would know who claims them (and why would anyone risk lying about that? they didn't, right? that's the last person who'll want to hurt me, right?)

if saiouma had rights I could say that Shuichi brought him back because he wanted to get to know him better, continued to wonder about the mysterious boy, it would be a second chance for them, but. Mastermind Saihara is the better explanation

I don't know, can they still have something complicated going on post-game if Saihara is the mastermind? What it would take for Kokichi to be conflicted and don't straight up hate him after they leave vr? cause being brought back wouldn't be enough and actually only make the betrayal worse

Sini: I think the only thing that could make Kokichi not fully hate Shuichi is if Shuichi had his personality and memories screwed up Like, he was made to be the mm

I dunno, I don't want it to be that, if he's altered it's a little bit, like, everyone got Enhanced to be Ultimates, but then that means they did sign up, and he volunteered to be the mastermind and he's himself with new cool knowledge and skills, but that's about it. I want Kokichi to be forced to think about his morals, to have to notice good things in Saihara who is the ringleader, made those motives, and unfortunately proven to him that none of them are better than him (remember the counter being reset by the final chapter, that's important, even though that means this one would have more chapters than canon)

he's going to have to think about how Saihara was doing a silly little social experiment knowing it's not real, while the lot of them was killing for real, thinking it'll be permanent, and how Saihara never was the blackened, and kept the game fair with the hints and lead it to the conclusion since his goal never were to keep them trapped in the hell loop, and how he cared & patched him up when he got injured

he wants to believe Saihara was just being manipulative, but it doesn't add up

Sini: I meant more like he was forced to be the mm but I see what you're saying. Maybe Kokichi doesn't hate him as much cause he sees himself to be just as awful as him? Or maybe there are aspects to Shuichi that have him feel bad for him. And yeah! He sees how he was at least fair about everything. But I'm gonna be real, I don't think Kokichi could ever forgive him or even see him in a good light. He might not fully hate him, he could give him some props for certain things, but he is still the one that made everyone do all that horrible shit. Even if it wasn't real, it felt real. It was real to them. It doesn't matter if Shuichi does actually care for him, he still manipulated him and everyone else. He would want to see the good in him, but all the stuff I mentioned could never be enough and what he's done could never just be ignored. Just because Kokichi might see himself in a similar awful light doesn't mean he's going to give Shuichi that much charity. How I see it, it could never work

I love pg Shuichi who's been neglected and clung to the comfort show, so I imagine him going far past interacting enough not to be suspicious, he's thrilled to make friends, loves having a talent and therefore finally being special enough to hold people's attention, have something to connect with them instead of just offputing people with his fannish rambles about executions and from ch5 on to the end he would be the closest to Kokichi, so he would be trying to get that back, he's attached

I am just trying to paint the picture of, memory manipulation is barely still on the table, no flashback lights, no identity changing stuff or big gaps in memory, a lot more defined rules, cards on the table about how things work, the choice being fully theirs: stay or try to leave, I'll even give you a hint. He was mostly an observer in the whole thing

Ves: much harder in on them being his friends than tsumugi is. he's actually MORE like junko in that way, huh

bro's not even giving them motives, he's getting so much blackmail material just from being able to check who voted what and he's not using it, he's just there to hang out with his friends, and maybe study their behaviour under immense stress hahaha

Hina: I like the idea of Mastermind Shuichis game being a character study

Ves: were they friends pregame [my reply] no, he had no friends, this is his idea of an ice-breaker, he's just getting to know them better this is the best way to really get to know who people are at their core, trust him, he learned a lot on the internet

Sini: So they're all the same in that they gave themselves up to DR and while responsible for their own actions, were taken advantage of by Team DR? [my reply] I guess, yeah?

Ves: he made fifteen friendship bracelets in preparation

he thought it's going to be like solving a locked room together, a nice bonding activity, it's basically the same thing if you're as desenitized to death as he was! He was helping through leaving hints! It wouldn't be fun if he made it too easy, but he did a good job adjusting the difficulty level for the group, he's a good game master he gave them a good journey on the way to the victory that was always eventual, he cheered them on

Ves: im gonna cry he's sweet in the worst possible way v3's world rlly fucks up everybody who lives in it huh everyone who 'died' is just backstage with juiceboxes he does not see the problem

Sini: Man, I feel like that would make Kokichi hate him more, if that makes any sense. At least at first, anyway. Cause he's so sad and sweet yet did the most horrible things. He doesn't see anything wrong with what he did.

"I was worried I am going to fumble and get caught early, but I am glad I was able to give everyone a good season despite my anxiousness" gives that small smile

Sini: I feel like when they get mad at him, he cries jwjhhwef He only wanted to have fun : (

Ves: kokichi how could you POSSIBLY be mad at this guy. the murder does not count as a reason

Sini: His heart definitely doesn't hurt when he makes him cry. Definitely not

Ouma lashes out at him (post game, because in game he was in too much shock to bring up personal feelings about how it affects him as an individual, instead of talking about The Whole Thing) and he's like" "but I thought- I thought that we, that you… nevermind" hides the notebook full of ideas for what they might do together now that they're out and runs away, crying

Ves: he deserves it but like that's my son my beloved son who has committed war crimes

He was SO going to ask him out if Kokichi didn't bring him back down to earth

Ves: he's borderline delusional abt all this and when he gets a healthier mindset the self hatred is gonna hit harder than even canon shuuichi

Checkers: he specifically asked the backstage ppl to give Kokichi the nice juicebox brand. That’s rly romantic right

Sini: Knowing this now, I think when Kokichi finally accepts that he made the choice to join danganronpa and that they were all in the worst mindsets when getting into the recent season will he, not forgive Shuichi, but not be so mad at him anymore. He's more angry at DR than anything. He's still uncomfortable around him, his trust issues really keep him still feeling strong about what Shuichi did to him, but he holds no real strong feelings against him. He just feels bad for him

Ves: oh is this official danganronpa? somehow i got the impression that it was a fan project like in a warehouse somewhere

it's official they all audition and get on location, their memory of getting there it's closer to thh, "I came in here, lost consciousness and then suddenly it was Like That" Shuichi didn't do anything illegal, he just hosted a season of a popular tv show and they all got juiceboxes!

Ves: they WANTED to do this fun and normal team building exercise why are they so MAD at him!!! completely unfair i think he'd get really offended if they imply he was like. faking his grief at the deaths. because he DID grieve! his tears were genuine!! just…in a nice, comfortable, cathartic sort of way. he always knew he'd be going home he cried like you cry at a sad tv show the others cried like it was real

Sini: Like that's what really pisses them off. He saw it all as a show when they saw it as reality

the disconnect is more at a level as if they were playing D&D, of course he's invested and he's sad if someone has to leave the game he's going to miss them, but they'll see each other later, it's fine. And, well, he's not happy to see his dear friends fighting or upset, obviously, but those things happen and in the end it'll all be resolved, in the matter of a few weeks at most

Ves: it's just LARPing at the end of the day. them not KNOWING that doesn't count because they asked for it to be that way. he's helping!! he's facilitating what they wanted!! he brought juiceboxes!!!!!!! tsumugi we bonded over being DMs how are you mad at me now

What if. What if they're siblings. What if one of their parents is a Team DR executive/ some higher up. What if they both auditioned for the mastermind. Pitched in their ideas. What if angry pg Tsumugi left a letter for her future self talking about her bitch ass brother stealing her chance to finally get their attention. What if post game Tsumugi lived to see said parent never visit either of them despite working in the same building. What if she saw her old self in Shuichi, nearly mirror like. What if it terrified her

Sini: Not getting the role was the best thing to happen to her…

[whumble-beeee]

I hear you like lab whump…

Thoughts on surgery w/o anesthesia?

It has so much good potential; The invasiveness of it, the pain, the knowledge that something is being irreversably changed inside of them and they can do shit about it, the fact that whumpee almost certainly has to be held or strapped down in order to do it and they're fighting with every fiber of their being to get away, then they get slowly weaker as they succumb to the pain/blood loss until they can't fight it anymore and they're just sitting there knowing it's just going to get worse from here, they'll keep getting weaker and their fight will keep seeping away and the agony will keep getting exponentially worse and there's nothing they can do about it.

OOOO or where whumpee is forced to hold still for whatever reason, no restraints? Either its an emergency field surgery that their friend is doing on them to save their life, or whumper told them the more they move, the longer they'll draw it out, making sure they stay awake the entire time feeling every cut and poke and prod. Or whumpee freezing in their tracks, in the middle of a scream, suddenly ghost white because they felt a sharp poke on their heart or lungs, a glare from whumper, a silent threat.

And of course the classic, they ARE under anesthesia, but it didn't work correctly, so now they're fully concious and can feel everything, but they can't do so much as twitch their eyes to let the doctors know what happening (this actually happened to my hapkido instructor, most badass old woman I've ever known. I was horrified.)

Oh also if whumper's not a doctor, they're just doing shit in your body? And you have to deal with it, the anxiety that theyll mess something up because again, theyre really just doing whatever? Peak.

Yeah it's a great trope lol. The only problem I would have is if it's not motivated in some way, just because of the risks of no anaesthesia. A person wouldnt do it in eegular circumstances, because surgery without anesthesia would be so difficult to do because of the writhing whumpee, not to mention their increased heart rate would cause them to bleed faster, they could go into shock and die, and whumpee moving around at all (and they will, even if they try not to) makes the precision cuts required of surgery very very hard. Plus other stuff i dont know because im not a doctor. But maybe that's what whumper wants. They love a good challenge ;).

[thiagowrites]

warnings: angst with no comfort, people (2) die in here lol, 1363 words, description of death, brief mention of killing(?), no use of y/n, They/Them pronounce used

Also posted to my wattpad, part 1

I′m going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me

This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy

he had you back, yet he didnt. you were there but so far away. he had you physically but mentally you remained gone. the Simon he once was was still buried away, his guard high up again. you were lying there, still motionless, he was sitting there, still numb. he would always be without you, at least to the outside. in reality, he was drowning in pain but he didnt let anyone see. never again.

I need somebody to heal, somebody to know

Somebody to have, somebody to hold

It′s easy to say, but it's never the same

I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain

you helped numb his pain, helped him heal and now you were the cause of his pain. you were his rock, his shoulder to cry on but now you were gone. not physically, no, you were there, in the hospital bed across from him. They had found you but you were long gone. 638 days. that is how long he didnt see you, didnt smell you, didnt feel you, hold you. the you that he knew was gone, mere pieces remaining somewhere under all the bruises, under the blood, under the trauma. god, he hated himself for leaving you for almost 2 years. somewhere deep inside he also hated you, for making it so easy to love you.

Now the day bleeds into nightfall

And you're not here to get me through it all

I let my guard down, and then you pulled the rug

I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

it had been 2 days since you got into the Hospital, and still no sign that you were gonna wake up. Simon was losing hope all over again, losing himself to alcohol and self-pity. drowning like he did when you were gone. he didnt know when night began and day ended, didnt leave your side for one minute scared that if he did, you were simply going to disappear out of the dark hospital room. It was only now when you were back that Simon realized just how much he was getting used to your love, he never knew what people meant when they told him: You only begin to cherish love when it leaves. until now. now he understood because you were his only love, and you were leaving him.

I′m going under and this time I fear there′s no one to turn to

This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you

Simon never cared for others much, only your feelings mattered to him. he always told himself he was either going to love you with everything he had or he wasnt going to love you at all. so he did, he loved you to the best of his abilities. and now he was seeing where that got him.

Now, I need somebody to know, somebody to heal

Somebody to have, just to know how it feels

It's easy to say, but it′s never the same

I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape

Now the day bleeds into nightfall

And you're not here to get me through it all

I let my guard down, and then you pulled the rug

I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

it has now been 2 weeks and you were still not awake. Simon got back into old habits, drowning himself in cigarettes and alcohol, trying to forget what the doctors told him. he was imagining you to get better, but that was all it was: his imagination. In reality, you were kept alive by machines for the past week. he told himself you were going to get better, that your body just needed more time, but with every passing day he lost hope, he came to the realisation that maybe your time had come, but did he want to believe it? no. No, he couldnt believe that so instead he kept lying to himself. Theyre getting better, theyll wake up, they wont leave me, they cant leave me I wont let them. These were his daily thoughts.

And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes

I fall into your arms

I′ll be safe in your sound 'til I come back around

it had been 4 months now. not since they found you, no, since the doctors told him there was no more life left in you, it had been 3 months and 16 days since he buried you 6 feet under the ground. since Ghost buried Simon with you. there was no light in Ghost's life anymore because you were his only light, he would have buried himself with you, and the only thing keeping him from doing that was John Price. so instead he closes his eyes and pretends, he pretends you never went missing. that the last 2 years of his life never happened. that he was here, in your arms.

For now the day bleeds into nightfall

And you′re not here to get me through it all

I let my guard down, and then you pulled the rug

I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

The day of your funeral was the day he swore to himself he was never going to love anybody else, his heart only ever belonged to you. he wore you close to his heart, put your wedding band on a necklace and your dog tags always in his breast pocket. he spent his days working as much as he could to distract himself from the pain. this often got him cused out by Price but he couldnt take a break, he knew he would lose himself at the thought of you again.

But now the day bleeds into nightfall

And you're not here to get me through it all

I let my guard down, and then you pulled the rug

I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

it has been a year since you passed, a year full of pain, darkness, and recovery for Ghost. he still hasnt moved on, and he never will be able to. the last year was spent finding information about the bastards who took you from him and today was the day, he had finally gotten revenge for your death. it didnt end ideal for him though, turns out that taking on an enemy all by yourself wasnt that easy. but he didnt care how much it hurt, he didnt care he disobeyed orders and he didnt care that he was bleeding out right now. because it was for you. anything he ever did was for you and only you. it all didnt matter to him because even though he always thought dying would be painful he found comfort in it, he didnt know if it was his mind playing tricks on him but the blood he lost warmed him, it reminded him of the warmth you once gave him. his mind got cloudy, vision being overtaken by black spots and it felt like he was falling into an ocean, the deep and dark water taking him in and not letting him go. he saw his life, all the pain and the lovely moments you created, flow before him. he saw you, looking amazing on your wedding day. he felt you, hugging him after he proposed to you in the middle of the field just when he thought he was never going to see you again. and he smelt you, oh that beautiful smell of you. and with all these senses of you and only you surrounding him, he took a deep breath, a breath that was going to be his last. he took it and with a smile on his face, he began his journey back to you. wherever that may be.

I let my guard down, and then you pulled the rug

I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas,

so, i dont really know exactly how to word things right so please bear with me while i try to explain a bit.

i think i have bipolar disorder (or something similar, im still looking into things), but i dont know if im just going crazy and imagining things. theres not really anyone in my life i can talk to about it to gauge their opinion, so im kind of left by myself to deal with it.

i dont have a trusted adult or loved one i can go to for help, and ive not been to a doctor since probably 2017 at the latest so im not even sure who id be making an appointment with to discuss anything like this. ive considered trying to get myself into therapy but im afraid that if i go in saying that i think im bipolar and have other mental illnesses (im about 99% certain i have anxiety and likely some sort of depressive disorder too, but that might be more linked with the mood swings of bipolar) that its the wrong way to go about it? like, i might just be really ignorant but i dont think thats how therapy works is it?

basically im worried that if i go in saying the disorders i think i have, then theyll tell me im exaggerating or that i need other people to back me up or that i do need to see my gp doctor (which, again, i dont actually think i have one) or that it isnt my place to try to diagnose myself etc.

im not really sure what im asking here? maybe if you have any advice/experience about what therapy is actually like or what i could expect? or a better way to go about getting help? i really dont know honestly aha, sorry

Well, you've definitely come to the right place lol, I've been to and ghosted many a therapist! (Don't ghost your therapist!)

Actually, recently I started therapy again and it's been a great experience, so let me tell you about it. Warning: I live in the US, so if you live elsewhere, it might be different.

When you start therapy, they're going to ask you a LOT of questions. Lots about your background, your childhood, your feelings, etc. It'll feel a bit invasive, but make sure to be honest! Like brutally honest. Like if you're like...'I might be feeling this way but idk if I'm faking..' tell them that. They need to know everything.

Then, if you're a minor, they'll talk to your parents and get their insight. If you have issues with your parents, make sure to tell them that BEFORE this part happens, so they can take what your parents say with a grain of salt.

Last, they'll give you a 'tentative diagnosis.' This means that this is what they think you have, but it's not a die-hard medical diagnosis. They'll treat you based on this, but if you ever wanted accommodations in school or anything for it, you would have to go to a clinical psychiatrist to get it written up.

Here's the thing: the diagnosis my surprise you or even make you feel invalidated. If it does? Tell them that. Because, two things: One- they may have gotten something wrong. Or two- they need to know if you aren't understanding something fully.

To be very personal, I am diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. When I started therapy recently and again got those diagnoses, I wasn't surprised. But I also was told I have 'illness-anxiety disorder' which is the new term for a hypochondriac. I was super insulted because I was picturing the stereotypical hypochondriac who fakes illnesses for attention (this was uneducated of me) but my therapist explained that this version of anxiety more means that I have a lot of anxiety related to being nervous to get sick or the results of getting sick. Which was like- oh. yeah. I do panic every time someone sneezes on me. My therapist said this has become increasingly common since COVID.

All this to say it sounds like seeking out therapy might be a great way for you to get the answers you're looking for. But even if they're not the answers you think they'll be, remember that your feelings and experiences are still extremely valid and no less real.

<3 <3 <3

[carmenpeach]

this is for the carmen lore lovers okay i always think "i should complain less both irl and online since its probably not good to be so negative all the time" but anger really does keep me alive etc but good god this mold shit is driving me insane like thank god i live with all my irl friends cause no way in hell would i invite someone over like "yeah ignore the mildew smell and dont look too closely at anything and dont touch the walls theyre permawet" its humiliating and it's so shameful just having to exist here and who knows where im gonna be living in a month im soooooo sick of this bouncing around where i live the last so many years -_-

like i havent really had a proper home it feels since 2018 like it's just "this is where im gonna be for maybe a year and its just where i keep some of my stuff and sleep at" like cant even put posters up cause theyll die. i have one big painting i made in our room to add some color but we gotta clean off the mold every so often but its abstract so at least it's hard to see and i really dont care about it enough if the paint gets worn away.

still waiting on the landlord to finally get back to us considering the repair guy (who she lives with but idk if theyre a couple but thats not my business im just a nosey nancy) and he was like shocked and mortified at the mold (he used to live here and hadnt seen mold this way) and okay it's a concrete house with stucco exterior but the fact that the middle most wall is wet he said something like uh thats kind of impossible to dry. any professional/ legal ppl weve talked to have said this is basically hazardous living and unsuitable conditions (even with the semi illegal mold agreement we were forced to sign that was snuck small into the lease, if anything its incriminating) and like now what? will we get relocated since this is house needs to get torn down (it has 85% humidify with is like 10% over legal livable limit) but if not then how long do we have to move? if its condemned then what man. we have a backup plan but it's a long as hell drive and far from everything so at least we dont gotta worry about nowhere to live so im trying to not stress too hard and just let da wind take me where it goes. so maybe we will soon live in a real house thats dry and i really cant beleive im back to where i was like 6 years ago of "i just need a bed to sleep in" i want to live a normal life where our cutting boards dont get moldy.

fuck all life.

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

sometimes i think about party poison + sleep

(don't know why but i'm watching saw and considering things)

OHHHHH ME WHEN MARTYRDOM AND CONFRONTING DEATH. VERSE ONE IS ABOUT THEM AND THE CITY AND BC VENOM SIBLINGS BRAIN ITS THE WAY THEY FOUGHT TO PROTECT KOBRA WHILE THEY WERE STILL IN THERE "THERE AINT NO WAY THAT IM SORRY FOR WHAT I DID" = THEIR REFUSAL TO ADMIT THAT THEIR EFFORTS TO PROTECT KOBRA ALSO ENDED UP HURTING HIM IN THE LONG RUN. and the "undeserving of your sympathies" is soooo party poison bc they think they are a Horrible Fucking Person and they refused to be pities for the shit theyve been through bc they failed at protecting kobra and they failed at saving him and they know deep down they dont deserve to be the hero which is why they try so hard to be exactly that

AND THEN THE CHORUS IS JUST LIKE. LIKE IM IMAGING THEIR FINAL THOUGHTS WHILE SAVING THE GIRL AND MAYBE THEY CAN SEE KOBRA PANICKING TRYING TO GET TO THEM OR THEY JUST KNOW IF THE OTHERS SURVIVE THEYLL ALL BE DEVASTATED AND THEY JUST WANNA SCREAM "NO!!! DONT MOURN ME DONT CRY FOR ME DONT GIVE YOURSELVES UP TO TRY AND SAVE ME IM DYING FOR YOU. I FAILED TO KEEP YOU SAFE SO THE LEAST I CAN DO IS DIE, YES TO GIVE YOU MORE TIME BUT MORE THAN THAT BECAUSE I FUCKING DESERVE IT"

and then ohhhhhhh it works so well with one of my favorite interpretations of partys death where they just. give up. theyre exhausted and they know they have to die a hero because its their destiny its their purpose theyre supposed to protect their family to the end and if it doesnt end here then whats the fucking point? its like they view themself as a character in a way and they need their story to end like this because they cant make sense of a world where they aren't giving up their everything to save the ones they love. and maybe if they fought harder theyd be able to overpower korse and get away or stall until kobra comes to save them but they dont. they need their story to end here so they just shut their eyes and they kiss the world goodbye and chose to sleep. and they tell themself they arent being selfish because theyre dying for their family, but deep down they know that this isnt doing anything to distract the other crows or but anyone any more time. deep down they know theyre just tired and they want to fucking sleep.

and idk i just love thinking about a world where they spend their whole life certain that theyll sacrifice their life for someone else, only to die in the most selflessly selfish way possible. they couldnt even end their own story right

[modernbaseball]

Some Of My thoughts/predictions from succession trailer pleaaaase feel free to contribute or fight with me. you dont have to read this all just pick a bullet point that intrigues you

STEWYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!& was that tabitha or a blonde woman??? & i am sooo bewitched by sandi and i really hope she gets some screentime and dialogue especially w/ shiv

the "teaming up with stewy" thing is going to be a fake out. theyll try and get shot down immediately

might be one of the only scenes we get with stewy? (it would be long and emotional but still)

stewy hug im so fucking sick right now. perhaps its after he goes yeah fuck no man/a sort of judas hug of betrayal. and i hope he tells him about the manslaughter. a girl can hope

the "i hate you" scene roman is LITERALLY going to have sex with mattson 😐 im happy for you guys but i hate him so bad and not in a fun way i think hes dull and irritating and too swedish

logan sees roman as the weakest link and is going to try and use him to tear them apart

i think connor sees his campaign as his contribution to the sibling's efforts. hes here to beat that fascist

big fat PREDICTION: a small percentage of menkin's userbase will somehow be persuaded to vote conner (such as menkin accused of gay and comes out as VERY MUCH against the gays, conner cashes in on this) leading to menkin loosing, so, in a WAY, conner beats menkin

would also be funny if conner's gay rights stuff is because roman gets outed as...[ambiguous]. like its definitely for political reasons primarily but the idea of I SUPPORT MY GAY EVIL BROTHER! is quite funny

not a lot of shiv in this trailer i think she will play a role that is very key in this season and they want to conceal that. and/or. pregnant

furthermore the emphasis on roman makes me believe his plots might not influence the wider story as much as they are trying to make us believe

i hate greg i want to explode him with my mind (haircut)

not showing any roman/fascist interactions...curious

i hope logan stabs gerri HARD succession fans see her as like this unshakable pillar and im not about that. show me the inner lives of women now .

where is jess i want her

i really enjoy the pierces i hope we do genuinely see more of them and it isnt just a fake out AND i hope they invite frank into their cult

i just know greg is going to betray tom for a can of coke and a 6 piece chicken nugget

i hope someone buys greg a watch i love themes and metaphors

i know the series is supposed to conclude with a funeral and i know jesse said kendall won't die but. well either its going to be someone totally unexpected dies and logan continues his miserable loveless hateful existence as the ""winner"" who is now alienated from his family(and maybe even played a key role in one of his children's deaths?....)

OR its so obvious of course he will die he had to die jesse armstrong doesnt do red herrings he doesnt do plot twists logan is old and hes sick and hes killing himself more every season he is going to die and suddenly none of it will even matter

ewan and logan are going to have a very important scene that leads to their sort of reconciliation or that being the last time they will ever speak

what if greg's dad saw him getting rich and showed up in his life again. what then

overall my biggest hope is more stewy, roman never catches a break, shiv gaslights tom, and someone gets outed for gay activities (im not picky about who)

[lyxzeun]

she looks just like a dream, the prettiest girl i’ve ever seen. -something about you, eyedress

incorporated with : kaedehara kazuha, kaeya alberich, tartaglia x gn!reader (separate)

author’s note . . . isekai ; a fantasy subgenre where a character is transported into a new or unfamiliar world, part 2 of them coming home to you! you guys dm’d me sm about part 2 so uuh hope you enjoyyy <3

warnings : possessive/obsessive behavior(?), mentions of fainting in kazuha’s part, swearing, mentions of kaeya's connection to the abyss, suggestive ending at kazuha's part, abyss childe mention😈💪

au . . . sagau (self aware genshin alternate universe.)

genre : sfw

kaedehara kazuha : acer palmatum

since you were getting used to kazuha getting all possessive (not that much dw), you start to let him go loose and let him do commissions, world quests, and event quests.

whenever you’d log in, you head to his character profile and talk about the things you dreamed of or the things that happened at midnight, etc.

when your friends heard about kazuha being self-aware, they said they couldn’t help but be jealous, a pretty liyue-Inazuma character that you could lean on? that would be something else, but it’s also hard to have a self-aware character asking everything about you.

but you could understand why, he just wants to take care of you (in-screen??) and help you cope with his calming voice.

today though, a world quest was required for you (kazuha??) to defeat the ruin guards on an island, you thought it was no big deal and that he'd take care of it, after all, he has a strong build and his hp was all good.

scrolling through your phone with headsets on, letting kazuha run loose and defeat the ruin guards, “—to my home..” hearing his voice fade in, “shit!” oh god, he died! what happens if they die? you’ll just have to bring him to a statue of the seven, right?

5 STAR MAINS AND A SIGNORA LIKER . . . OPENING GROUP CONVERSATION . . .

k4zuh4zluvr: HELP ME WHAT HAPPENS IF A CHARACTER DIES AND THEYRE SELF AWARE?????

sh3nheee: WTF??

pr3ttyli : idk theyll probs die irl

you saw the time, 2:57?! wait, this can’t be, okay, all you have you do is sleep, and then he’s back to life. easy, you’ll just have to do only that and it’ll all be better.

okay, the next morning, you started to feel a weight on the other side of the bed, hearing soft mumbling.

turning around you see a familiar face sleeping and tumbling around the bed. shrieking at seeing a pretty guy on your bed.

“oh-ohmygodohmygod” jolting upright in bed, he sits up, rubbing his eyes, “love?…” he comes closer to your figure and wraps an arm around your waist, the other hand gently stroking your cheek “so.. pretty.” he leans his cheek on to your shoulder, sighing dreamily as he felt more calm and comfortable with you. “kazuha?” turning your head to your shoulder, “mhm, it is me, dear.” smiling at your endearing face, "wait, how, and why are you here?" tilting your head like kazuha's, but you're confused, why is he here? "I came here to see you, dear." he still has a faint drowsy voice. "how?" you turn fully to kazuha, still seeing he has his genshin armor. "and.. are you comfortable in wearing those clothes to sleep?"

“let’s see, I fainted while fighting those ruin guards at guyun stone forests’ island?” “And yeah, maybe I'm uncomfortable to sleep in these.” you softly giggle to his voice slightly louder, “I think my dad left some decent clothes.. should you change or shower first?” humming, “I'd like a bath,” he moves to your front. leaning closer to your lips.

“with you.” tracing your cheekbone with his thumb, finally able to kiss you, he presses his lips onto yours, kissing you gently.

kaeya alberich : pavo ocellus

most likely to isekai himself into the world bc you haven’t been on the game for SO LONG

and then he starts to worry about if you found another game (or another person)

no, but literally before the "happy incident" happened, he already started talking to you about "isekai" and how he could take care of you if that could happen (spoiler: it does wdym)

mostly he started to cheer you up during sad days and he probably tells u things about mondstadt

4 STAR MAINS AND A 5 STAR MAIN . . . OPENING GROUP CONVERSATION . . .

d1kuc: y/n, how r u?

y/n_alb3rich: I'm fine, but maybe not as much since the kaeya incident ;-;

tr0ublemaker: it might take some time to get on with it, don't worry though! we're here for u <3

y/n_alb3rich: I plan on changing my username though, he’s been bugging me about it recently

d1kuc: that's good but what if he realizes? since he’s been self-aware since day one??

tr0ublemaker: she has a point y/n, what if he notices you changed your username?

y/n_alb3rich: well then he can’t do anything about it other than convincing me to change it back lol

CLOSING GROUP CONVERSATION . . .

you click on your profile, scroll down to change your username, and start to type in [i43nameheart], and then—

you hear footsteps, light footsteps approaching you, wait– you live alone. “oh, come on lovely! I thought you’d keep a promise for me..~” you turn around with your chair, and see locks of navy blue. "kae..ya?" your eyes widen, as you stood up. "ah, how I love it when you say my name.." he lifts your chin with his fingers, he kisses your forehead softly, and strokes your hair. “why are you..?” you started to mutter out words, unable to say them as kaeya was there. right in front of you. just before he says anything, he hugs you and nuzzles his nose into your neck. “I've told you about it several times, love.” yes, you were shocked, but you couldn’t help but place a hand on his head while he was leaning down onto you. “what do you mean?” he chuckles, a response like that is unique. “I told you, I would’ve made a deal with the abyss to get to you, but.. it seems like that it was no need!” - “How did you even get here..?” you ask.

“We can talk about that later,” he lifts your chin as he says so, stroking your lips, “but for now.. let’s catch up on the things we haven’t done.” your lips met with his, though, it was unexpected, you decided to savor the moment.

tartaglia : monoceros caeli

you guys spend time together by fighting bosses together :D… which means he has to fight himself weekly, but that’s okay cause he’s strong since he was built by you!

he hates being far from you especially when his family too is also a nation away >:(

he takes his abyss and fatui privilege to use to get to your world :D! isnt that nice?

no, but seriously, he’s definitely going to do so to get to your world

sadly, that didn’t work out as he wasn’t powerful enough to get to your world :(

he tried his best to let it go, but he still can’t stop thinking about you and him in the same world, spending time together and going on dates… he can’t just let go of it that easily, no! not at all!

OLDIES AND THE BABY . . . OPENING GROUP CONVERSATION . . .

r3d_velvet.sheets : im literally gonna cry i just got diluc

PSY_ch0u : lol I GOT KLEE

r3VESTIVAL : GUESS WHAT

PSY_ch0u : omg what now

r3VESTIVAL : I GOT HEIZOU [laugh emote] SUCK IT

i4ajax (you) : i got fischl and diluc skin

r3d_velvet.sheets : you spent money again ??

PSY_ch0u : ofc they did ?? why else would they get the diluc skin?

r3VESTIVAL : hello childe main >:)) you haven’t been active in days. what happened ?

i4ajax (you) : i’ve just been busy these days

r3d_velvet.sheets : you type differently too :(

i4ajax (you) : i’m just burnt out ig

CLOSING GROUP CONVERSATION . . .

sighing, you turn off the computer and head to the kitchen to get water, just then you saw a familiar face.

“i must say, comrade, you have quite the comfy loft!” he speaks, smiling warmly as he turns around to you, standing there in shock as he walks up to you. “uh… tartaglia…?” you tilt your head slowly as you say so, unable to function what is happening. “yes, that’s my name.” he grabs your arm and sits you down on the couch, you stare at the floor. what is happening? did he just touch me? am i real? is this real? thoughts in your head swirled, unable to focus.

“although,” his voice snaps you back to reality. “i’d very much prefer if you were to call me by my actual name.” he smiles. again. god, he looked so cute. “so… i can call you.. ajax..?” you raise your eyes to his face with a slight blush covering his cheeks. he nods, excitedly, “of course! you are very free to call me ajax.”

“well, if you’d like, you could call me something else. you know, like..” he raises his hand to his chin. “you could call me “babe”! or “baby”! that’d be really nice too!” seems that he’s a sucker for nicknames.