#and maybe this comes off as uncommunicative a lot of the times

[snallavanta]

kinda ironic how i studied communication, yet suck at doing it in real life

[silverwhittlingknife]

can we have a hint about what the spring break tim patrol chapter of red letter day contains? (you kept having dick say "if the joker shows up" and tim's "he won't." for me to be convinced that goes off without any trouble)

i'm sure it'll be fine. :D

i am delighted you're enjoying the story <333 i haven't updated it in soooo long but i got some very sweet comments lately so i have been looking at my scribbles again <3

[sanemisstalker]

Could you maybe delve more into Sanemi’s kinks, if you’re feeling up to it 👀

Baby, i wont deny. He makes me fucking whacko. Fucking. whacko. I will never not feel up to doing him.

CW / The content warnings are the labels.

Pet Play (Dog, Recieving)- @/akaza-chaos and I have had day long conversations about this fucking topic-

On every forefront, truly every forefront, I think Sanemi enjoys pet play. Collared, caged, marking, barking, breeding. He likes head pats, being called a good boy, pampering/grooming, he likes to be called a mutt, wear a tail plug and the stupid fucking ears.

He. Is. A. Dog. Nothing will put this bitch in subspace faster than a well timed pat on the head and a loving 'Good Boy'

Leash him, walk him around nude. Tell him he has to pee outside because 'that's how all let's do'. He is your personal use mutt. He loves to rut against things, especially your leg, truly delusional about going into heat.

He cums like a dog, too. Only knotting you in theory but needing to stay inside, begging his seed to take. He's an animal, his one responsibility to reproduce.

I think it's a safe space for him. A loosened collar compared to the one of his everyday life. Not that He'd ever be able to articulate or even grasp such a thing.

Nipple Piercings-

This is self indulgent, but I think He'd be kind of fascinated by the willingness for pain. Constantly asking to see them. Maybe rub them (you can totally talk him into getting his pierced.)

He just thinks they're neat. Maybe a little stupid, but neat.

Overstimulation-

Sanemi loves how it feels to be fucked blind. The blood rushing from that heavy head to his eager cock. I think he cums hard and a lot, and I think his recovery is all the stronger-

Which is why he seeks out rapid and repetitive stimulation- He needs to get it all out. He's got so much to think about, you just have to fuck it out of him! Obviously.

He imagining tying a small vibe to his tip and riding him so he turns into your own personal dildo. He's going in and out of your needy hole, doing his best to stay up but he's cum for the umpteenth time now and he's actually blacking out- his balls feel like they burn-

Mmmmmmm

Forced Bisexuality- dub-con (obviously)

I had a very long, grouped set of paragraphs for this, but I felt like I could get my idea down shorter.

I think Sanemi doesn't have a wandering eye, I think he has a wondering one. A natural inclination for sexual curiosity. Sexual curiosity he would not be willing to partake in unless pushed by his lover's whims.

Would he want it? Undeniably. I think, through various Sanemi like stubborn, uncommunicated circumstances, you would easily grasp his subtle asks.

He might look off put, and might even be a little bitey about the whole subject, but it is undeniable that he loves the sensation of a cock battering his prostate while a pussy contracts around him.

He loves how it feels to be made limp in a girl, while a bigger, stronger man abuses his backside, egging him on to fuck her- fuck her while he uses him, go on and try. And he does, because he's Sanemi, and he'll never not try, but the bastard is just fucking using him, and it's so hard to move his hips to please the girl beneath him-

He'd do his best to not collapse on her- Whispering praises in her ear because the only thing moving his hips is the beating from the other man's. That stimulation from both ends must be something else.

Degradation-

I think Sanemi will take any insult you throw at him in bed. Be it in a teasing, domineering way, or a brattish 'you're really going to let me talk to you like that?' I think Sanemi is perfectly capable of taking care of himself in both situations, and coming out with his own little sense of victory.

He's not prone to praising, this one just feels better. Makes him think less.

Favourite names include: Dog, Mutt, Anything that implies he's inhuman in an animal kind of way, slut, Cum dump.

Likes to be told he is practically an animal- He fucks like breeding stock, like a rabbit- fast and hard, and if you point it out it'll make him go faster and harder. He loves the idea that he's so clouded by you, that you're appeal is just enough to make him snap and go feral.

Tell him he's acting like a bitch in heat, it might just break him.

Free use (Recieving)-

I have an ask about this brewing in my inbox, and baby when I get to it it you all are going to be ill.

It's only a fantasy, he reasons. Never something He'd actually be able to or even prone to do-

He can take load after load, though, and be good to go til the end of the night. Everyone that comes in to use him is complimenting his body, so interested in his abs that he works so hard on, only to use him like he's a dildo/fleshlight and then leave him heaving on the ground, his own cum splattered up to his tits.

He's tied up and muzzled so he won't bite- only allowed to remove the jaw cage to give head with fervent, almost dehydrated need.

A couple of stray 'what a well trained man's would get him through the night with a smile on his cum covered face.

Femdom-

:D

I think Sanemi has a very special subspace he's able to be in. For such a gruff and imposing man, he is certainly subservient sexually. Willing to do just about anything and just about everything for his sexual dominant. Especially if it's a woman.

Sanemi is in need of a gentle dominant primarily. Rough and hard comes when he just won't break on an idea and has to be reminded that it's not his place to think about such awful self reflections. He is master's dog, after all.

That dog thing doesn't just extend to pet Play. I think Sanemi is genuinely dog like in his approach to people. Like a really fucked up, rabies infected dog- You have to approach him tentatively, and then commit to active training.

Sanemi loves being trained- loves being put through the physical ringer to impress- loves being denied, being told what to say, why he should say it- Loves being guided, being cared for and pampered- even if he'd sooner take a sword to the gut than admit this publicly.

He is a wonderful submissive, a five-star one in fact. You just have to break that little self-hate habit (and maybe house train him) and he'll be just fine.

Public-

He really gets a thrill out of doing it in front of others. He moreso likes to dominate in these moments, be a good, praised fuck delivering pleasure to some other exhibitionist while people jeered and clapped.

Maybe it's the crowd, and his ego, but Sanemi's dick is big, and he's a stellar lay. He'll never not want to hear these things, and making someone scream that out infront of others? Reminding everyone in the room of who the biggest and the baddest, the best and finest is?

He's so thankful he can control his orgasms, because if he couldn't, he'd be incapable of keeping up.

Anal (Giving/Recieving)-

I think Sanemi has a bigger prostate than most other AMAB's, and it leads him to enjoy anal more.

As for why he likes dominating with anal, it's because he likes toying with your dick/cunt to see how it makes your ass clench around him. Cowgirl Anal? He insists you hold a vibe so he can feel you quiver around him- Missionary Anal? Some of his fingers are buried in your hole/ circling your tip.

He loves, loves fucking cum into your ass. It makes him feel raunchy- and dirty. Likes he's properly claimed you in every hole. When it drips out, he pushes it back in, fingering your already abused gape.

Loves to see you gape, too. Honestly think he prefers giving anal to receiving it just so he can see that slutty gape when he pulls out. He can go so so fucking deep

Pegging-

Same reason he likes anal and femdom- He likes being put in his place lol.

[teufelsabbiss]

Story-idea: Liu Qingge & Yang Yixuan

paranoid fear of accidental grooming

Poor Yang Yixuan doesn't have it easy on Bai Zhan. No one ever did, the peak was rough and unforgiving to its disciples since the beginning, but his shizun is a special case – very hard to make sense of.

It's not that Liǔ Qīnggē is cruel or mean, quite the contrary. While he is strict, brusque, uncommunicative and overpowering in general, he does show care and kindness besides. Yang Yixuan admires and worships him. He wants to make him proud. And he wants to be of service like the best disciples in history rolled into one!

Unfortunately, in many instances, when he tries the latter, his shizun has what can only be described as a freak-out and either angrily makes him run laps around the peak until Yixuan thinks his legs will break off any moment; doesn't let him get closer than five people's arm lengths for the next week or flees from the peak for days immediately goes on really long missions.

Yang Yixuan is very sad about this, but he thinks he understands. His shizun wants to make him strong and keep him on his toes. He doesn't coddle anyone. Liǔ Qīnggē is also a veteran who lived through a lot of emotional pain. Yixuan is young, but not stupid (thinks he). While he may not know what triggers the outbursts yet, he will one day and then he can help his shizun feel better! His hero deserves some comfortable down-time and that's, among other things, what personal disciples are to ensure after all!

Sadly, that innocent endeavor is exactly what causes the freak-outs.

Liǔ Qīnggē saw how the shit with Luò Bīnghé started, how the damned demon-spawn grew attached due to all of Shěn Qīngqiū's coddling and doting and turned him into the obsessed menace he is today. It's fine during Yang Yixuan's childhood. But as soon as the boy hits puberty, Liǔ Qīnggē is terrified that history might repeat itself here. He can't let that happen, for everyone's sake! Sometimes he doesn't catch all the (perceived) hints until they get thrown in his face, kind of, but he sure as hell will squash any potential budding romantic feelings his disciple might have for him once he does!

Yang Yixuan is very innocently trying his best. Such as:

offering to massage his shizun's back and feet after he comes back from missions or had a long day of training. (Meanwhile Liǔ Qīnggē is ready to cough up blood whenever Yixuan in all seriousness asks to touch him intimately.)

Surprises him by presenting him with a ready hot bath with relaxing herbs. (Liǔ Qīnggē is immediately suspicious whether the flowery bathwater is supposed to be romantic, but accepts it, because he recognizes the flowers as medically useful.)

Then Yixuan offers to wash his back. (Suspicion most awfully confirmed! Poor Yixuan narrowly escapes a thrown Cheng Luan.)

He tries to cook for him. (Hell, no! That's what *gag!* Luò Bīnghé did for Shěn Qīngqiū! What's next? A revealed demon-mark?!)

Making presents of any sort is not taken well either. Yixuan still doesn't know why trying to gift his shizun the nice hair oil he found at the market caused such a spark of anger. He knows his shizun uses hair oil, who doesn't, so maybe it was the scent? Just in case, he's not bringing anything that smells of roses anywhere near him again.

Aaah, everything would be so much easier if his shizun told him what brings up bad memories!

[gogogogolev]

Today marks the 8th anniversary of our blog.

I am sharing a photo by Isabelle Zky from 2023 Grand Prix de France today. It looks like Stephen is spreading his wings to soar off.

Year 8 saw some highs and lows. Stephen started to turn things around and won his first senior international medal. He was well choreographed, well costumed, and even engaged in social media usage related to his skating. He listened to us and spent time at his home club in Toronto. He was able to show some progress, gaining confidence in his abilities with some great skates, including a new personal best short program.

His third withdrawal from Nationals was unfortunate, but it was definitely the right decision. While we wish to see Stephen succeed, it's not at the expense of his health. Every withdrawal of his is heartbreaking but the ones at Nationals just hurt a bit more as he is definitely someone who has the ability to succeed at that stage. Maybe next year is finally his year.

I heard some terrible commentary after Nationals and I believe a few people have forgotten what has been going on with Stephen. The past 5 years have been incredibly tumultuous. Shortly after he moved to the US Stephen got injured. Then he missed an entire season, and when he was starting to come back and won Challenge he had to withdraw from Nationals due to COVID. Then last season happened, and I think that's quite negatively impacted how the public perceives him. He did make changes as a result of that, and he was heading in the right direction, but this injury arose before he could show us the full effects of those changes. All this time he's been growing and is now more than a foot taller than when he began competing in juniors. He's been dealing with a lot of complex problems that are demoralizing. Some would choose to retire yet he's continuing to persevere. I know people have run out of patience, but we need a bit more of it when it comes to Stephen.

These posts are too long every time so let's wrap this up. I had this quote I wanted to share from Vaclav Havel about hope. I know we are all very sad but don't give up hope. If there's anything I've understood in 8 years it's that Stephen's fans are a resilient bunch. Considering his uncommunicative stance with his fans and how his career has progressed I realize we haven't really had a choice. Hang in there.

Thank you to everyone who supports Stephen. Thanks to you all as well for following along with me. Most importantly, thank you to Stephen for doing his best with the limited season he had. He put himself on the SB 75 list so hopefully we'll get to see him on the Grand Prix series next season though I am unsure how many months he will be gone for this time around. Please make a full recovery and come back stronger than ever.

Onward to year 9.

[love-geeky-fangirl]

Lorelai was extremely unsupportive of their relationship and Rory knew that.

After rewatching the series I realized that Lorelei cut Jess a lot of slack, more slack than most mothers would. When Rory tells Lorelei that Jess didn’t call her and started comparing Jess to Dean, Lorelei told her not to compare them. Lorelei also makes an effort to get along with Jess during multiple instances.

Honestly I feel like people are projecting too much on this relationship, like maybe YOU wouldn't be happy with a boyfriend like that but Rory was. She was happy enough with him as a boyfriend to consider losing her virginity to him which was a big deal for her. In to years of dating Dean she never even considered sleeping with him but trusted Jess enough to consider and want it just after a few months of dating.

Rory wasn’t that happy with Jess. She compared him to Dean, she didn’t like that he was emotionally distant and uncommunicative.

In 3x20 she says: “I'm so tired of fighting. Or not even fighting because he won't fight. He just gets mad and disappears and then comes back and and I don't like how I feel and I don't like what I do. don't wanna feel like this, I don't wanna sit around wondering when we're going to talk, if he's mad, why he's mad. I hate this.”

Just because she considered having sex with Jess doesn’t mean that either of them were ready to have sex (Keg Max illustrates that), it just means that he awakened feelings of lust within her, which makes sense given that the appeal of Jess is his bad boy charm. Trust didn’t really factor into the equation. But if we are going off of that premise, Rory felt Dean was safe enough to sleep with as well and look how that turned out.

I’m glad that people are calling out Logan’s behavior as he is insufferable but I personally don’t see how Jess was a better bf to Rory. All her bfs suck.

Let's be real Lorelai inserted herself in her daughter's relationships waaay too much. In Dean and Jess especially, with Logan she finally gave her some space. I mean yes, she did tell Rory once to stop comparing the two, only to go on and sing praises to her ex and saying how he was: "an exceptional first boyfriend". If she cut anyone too much slack it was Dean and for way too long.

As for Rory being unhappy with Jess- obviously she expressed frustrations with him in 3x20 at that point their relationship was falling apart. However, just at the beginning of the previous episode we saw that Jess was communicating and making plans. They had fixed most of their issues from 3x15. We heard many references of them talking on the phone, making plans and going on dates, it is very frustrating we didn't see it.

About the point you brought about Rory being ready to have sex with Dean... Lol fair point. Her timing with Logan was also bad. Maybe this girl just doesn't have a good gut feeling for when the timing is right.

[catboylupin]

I was curious what is it about Remus that draws yourself and others in? I ask this as someone who identifies so much with him and it’s endlessly fascinating to me what drew him to people and others interpretations of him. How do you see him?

you see, remus is my little meow meow. also:

i think the werewolf thing is endlessly generative and can be analogous to many things. he is basically a vessel for exploring what it means to be human, wrestling the beast within, i am the thing? is the thing me? am i seperate from the thing? etc. you can use lycanthropy as a conduit to interrogate gender and shame and disability and assimilation and liberation. basically this post and this post and this

feels like some ungodly evil thing. sometimes he is ok with that.

he wants nothing more than to be loved/ have friends but at the same time he could be incredibly antisocial. in one way or another everything to remus is a sort of performance (part of this is rooted in his need to come off as a Good Werewolf/ general self loathing)

basically, for people whose every social interaction feels like a performance, “maybe i should stop pretending to be a person” is a relatable sentiment. (that is cringe, i know!! but it’s how i feel) 

has bursts of anger/ brashness. emotionally unpredictable. people around him are never exactly sure how he’ll react to a given situation.

being offered unconditional love is scary for him because it feels temporary/ like he doesn’t deserve it. however when he allows himself to be loved he can form these very close and deep relationships in which he is more authentically himself. 

lies constantly. and can be closed off emotionally/ uncommunicative and then expect other people to read his mind and understand what he needs 

basically he has a No One Understands Me complex yet makes little effort to be understood  

condescending. will give you unsolicited advice that he himself will not follow. also has a superiority complex (modern day remus would’ve regularly browsed /mu/. ‘oh you’ve never heard mbv? normie....’)

aloof but makes an effort to be kind. as a student i think he was considered friendly/ would help you with your homework if you asked 

has a tendency to see relationships as transactional 

has the same vibe as the band talking heads. i know this is a cringe thing 2 say but he matches their ‘cerebral awkward art students meet the nyc punk scene’ energy. they were his favorite band too.

stoner. at hogwarts he was The guy to go to for illicit substances 

enjoys the presence of women… outside of the marauders most of his friends r gals. mama’s boy etc.  

very cognizant of the fact that he is friends with two best friends, i.e. if the sidewalk was too small for three people he would be the one to walk behind them. he is okay with this but if he thinks about it for too long it might start to sting a bit. 

enjoys being choked in bed lol 

has little interest in controlling people/ has a healthy distrust of authority. as a prefect he would let most things slide, as a teacher he would let you retake tests as many times as you wanted. said voldemort, not youknowwho. all of these things r canon btw 

chronic pain. pure projection here, but he also has hearing loss. 

turned homework in late and i cannot decide if he was a very attentive question asking note taking student or just did not pay attention at all and then went to the library at night and tried to teach himself everything he was supposed to learn in class. 

the early 80s were uhhh tough for him. drugs as a coping mechanism/ substance abuse etc. never stayed in one place too long/ travelled a lot. 

will never apologize and acts completely irrationally to avoid confronting his insecurities. 

smart but not as naturally gifted and talented at everything the same way s and j were. he actually had to try in school, and doing well was important/ high stakes for him because he couldn’t just live off his family’s money for his entire life

very much a pisces in that at times he liked to sort of marinate in his sadness…… because when you are the one being victimized you cannot be a monster, right?  

dirt under his fingernails. holes in his socks. 

likes to do things that makes him feel in control of his life and his body. 

doesn’t kill bugs. catch n release. will hold a spider in his bare hands. sirius it’s okay it won’t hurt you. sirius please don’t kill it. pls.

likes being alone but not as much as he likes being around his friends :)

and basically everything @wolfbuck has ever said about him being welsh.

[defractum]

A thing I've been sitting on for a while so thought I might as well pour it out as a headcanon for post-CQL. (If anyone wants to write this as an actual fic, please do)

 -

So the entire Mo family is dead right? And that kind of gets forgotten, because ~plot happens~ but what if after canon, when WWX has finished travelling the world and come back to Lan Wangji, a very disgruntled messenger arrives at Cloud Recesses looking for Mo Xuanyu

And WWX is like I mean. I guess that's me.

And he gets handed a whole bunch of paperwork, some contracts, a seal, and he's like ?? what is all this?

And the messenger is from the local administrative office and he's been travelling ALL OVER trying to track down Mo Xuanyu because he's the only surviving member of the Mo family, which means that the entire estate and the land and the village is now his

And WWX's like Haha, well I'm not… technically Mo Xuanyu, except the administrative office doesn't care what fucking name he's going by now. So what if he's decided to tell everyone to call him by some dead evil guy's name (they're like '...weird flex, but okay'), he was born Mo Xuanyu and in the eyes of the law, the estate is his

(They just really want to get rid of it: lots of disputes are coming up, the staff have questions about getting paid, someone has to pay for the funerals of all the family members lying around embalmed in the funeral home, and it sure ain't gonna be the administrative office, nope.)

And WWX is like Okay, well, it's kind of not really my responsibility, but also I do feel bad for all the people just trying to do their jobs and survive, and also those dead bodies probably really need taking care of, it's been a year, oops, so he heads down there to take a look at things

LWJ is busy being His Excellency and can't go with him and is super put out because he just got WWX back! They have just about managed to admit some Feelings! WWX was going to stay in Gusu with him! Was the 16 years of misery not enough?? Must he suffer? again?? Woe is him. Giant sulking baby Lan Wangji, essentially

WWX heads to Mo Estate with the intention of sorting everything out ASAP because he is also desperate to get back to LWJ and get dicked, you know? Except legal administration is a bitch. There's taxes, and salaries, and tithes, aka things he knows nothing about because he was never gonna be a Sect Leader

Plus, the villagers hear that they have a new lord and come to pay their respects and also bring all of their problems. He gets through most of it with common sense and an air of sounding like he knows what he's talking about.

He does not know what he's talking about.

(He does, actually, know more than he thinks, because heading up a small village of Wen gave him more practical experience in helping people than being Jiang Head Disciple ever did)

(He also finds out Mo Xuanyu's birth name for the first time because it's on some forgotten, crumpled paperwork and is slightly stunned with the realisation that literally no one alive even knows it, because wow, did you not want to be punched by Mo Xuanyu feelings in this post? Too bad.)

LWJ eventually comes looking for him after a month or so, having finally managed to rearrange all his meetings and clear out a week or two, and finds him holding audiences. LWJ waits, very patiently he thinks, for him to sort out property disputes over pigs and donkeys, and then drags him into one of the bedrooms for some private time

(Sex. It's sex. It's loud, passionate kinky sex, followed by equally loud but slightly less kinky sex, followed by slightly quieter cuddly sex.)

LWJ can see what a great job WWX is doing running the estate, and also has come to the realisation that WWX is now stonking rich! A titled and landed Lord! No longer has he the need to rely on LWJ and his Gusu coffers! He can pamper himself now! LWJ is possessed by a completely irrational fear that WWX no longer has any need for him and, like the uncommunicative gremlin he is, just tells WWX that he is doing a very good job of running the estate

WWX is like Aw, LWJ said I'm doing a good job!! Also, hey, Lan Wangji, you're a competent, competent man, would you like to stick around for the interviews? I'm trying to find someone who is a good match for me and you can give your opinion

LWJ, silently: ME. IT'S ME. I AM A GOOD MATCH FOR YOU. D:

LWJ, outwardly: Mn.

So he follows WWX to these interviews and WWX has all these criteria like Listens carefully to people and Good with numbers and strategy and Level-headed and Fair and Communicative and LWJ is sitting grumpily next to him internally pouting like 'I match all of these criteria, hmph'

(After some self-examination, he maybe concedes on the 'communicative' point.)

Anyway, WWX listens to all his opinions on all of them, and he seems pretty keen on his one woman who, well, under normal circumstances LWJ would also quite like her, she seemed a very practical and intelligent person, but given current circumstances, he's just going to go back to Gusu and maybe cry for a few days

WWX cheerily waves him goodbye, LWJ wishes him all the best and goes home and drowns himself in Chief Cultivator work

When WWX turns up at Cloud Recesses two weeks later, he is super confused. WWX starts telling him off, saying that the juniors told him how hard he's been working and not sleeping and honestly, it's only been two weeks of WWX not looking over his shoulder, but it's okay because he's here now and doesn't intend on leaving ever again, and also he brings treats because he's not poor and he can afford to spoil his Lan-er-gege now!

LWJ: ??

After the nth round of misunderstandings, LWJ finally, finally realises that the interviews were for someone to manage the estate for Wei Wuxian so that he doesn't have to stay there. Understanding dawns. LWJ's crops are thriving, his skin is clear.

There is some shouting, there are tears, there's a fair bit of wailing. There's a cracked teacup and the dramatic thwump of WWX throwing himself across the room onto LWJ's lap. There's some more loud, enthusiastic kinky sex. The end.

(Buy me a ko-fi)

[firewoodfigs]

Hi!! Could you do "It was a hospital bed, and A slipped in carefully to lie beside B all night" for a Royai fic from that prompt list? Thank you!! ❤️❤️

hello anon!! thanks for the prompt aaaah I had a lot of fun toying with it in between work and the other shenanigans that have been cropping up this week <3 I hope you don't mind the somewhat unusual ending ahaha I dimly recall writing a few other fics indirectly responding to this prompt (here and here!) so I wanted to try something slightly different from my usual fare 👉🏻👈🏻 part of this was also originally from a two-shot I'm working on, tweaked to fit the prompt hehe. I hope you enjoy!!! 🥰

                                       +++++

Riza can think of a million reasons why hospitals are awful.

First, the food. She’s not sure if it’s as nutritious as they make it out to be; there are times when she wonders if it’s even edible. She’s had worse, of course - hospital food isn’t as bad as ration bars - but she’s quickly getting tired of eating plain yoghurt and bland porridge every day, for every single meal.

Second, the stench. Riza hates that every inch of the place smells like a victim of obsessive cleanliness; she has to resist the urge to upchuck every time the door opens and the smell of chemicals and antiseptic filters in like an unwanted guest.

Third, the fact that she’s sharing a room with a man who, at this point, is behaving more like a cat on hot bricks than a disciplined soldier is quickly driving her insane. She’d readily agreed to be his caretaker, of course; Riza doubts there’s anyone else capable of dealing with his antics and ever-growing anxiety. But after hearing him sigh and toss and turn in his bed for the fifty-eighth time that night (she’d counted, because she was bored out of her wits, and there was nothing else she could do other than sleep or stare at the ceiling, per doctor’s orders), Riza decides she’s just about had enough.

She looks at him from her bed. He’s presently engaged with twiddling his thumbs, thinking out loud.

Riza sighs and rises from her bed quietly. She brings the IV stand along with her - an unnecessary inconvenience - and carefully slips into his bed once she’s made sure that the tubes and wires connected to them are tangle-free.

“I never pegged you as an opportunist, Lieutenant,” he murmurs, despite her best efforts to be discreet. “Sleeping with your commanding officer while he’s blind?”

“You could always court martial me later, sir,” Riza deadpans. “Now scoot over.”

Luckily, he obliges without much retort. 

“Your wish is my command.”

Riza huffs. She adjusts the thin, scraggly piece of linen that the hospital justifies as a blanket - another downside of this shitty place - and makes sure he’s probably covered, warm.

“Three words,” she mutters.

“Eight letters?”

“Twelve, actually.”

Roy raises a brow. “What could it be?”

“Would you like to wager a guess, sir?”

“Not really.”

“You’re an idiot,” she says. Roy laughs, and it’s a tiny little sound that is so discordant with his current mood, but it’s at least genuine. “Now go to sleep.”

“Alright, alright.”

He stops fidgeting, for a while. Riza closes her eyes and attempts to fall asleep - and she actually does, for a while - at least until she hears the sheets rustling again, the movement and tension coming from beside her. She groans softly.

“You should sleep, sir.”

She feels him stiffen. Roy smiles sheepishly, looking right through her like she’s not there. It still unnerves her how this is probably going to be their new normal: him without his sight. Her as his eyes.

“Sorry.”

Riza frowns. An apology is not the answer she wants. What she wants is for him - or them both, actually - to sleep and rest and properly recuperate so that they can have a speedy recovery, so that they can get out of here as soon as possible.

“Bad dreams?” she asks, because it’s the exact same thing that’s been haunting her. (She’s lucky her throat makes it impossible for her to scream or kick up a fuss; she’d hate for Roy to stumble blindly through the room in what he probably thinks is an act of chivalry and/or heroism.)

He shrugs.

“Then and now,” he offers. His smile fades, and he lapses into an unexpected moment of vulnerability. “Hard to differentiate between day and night nowadays, too.”

And because Riza doesn’t know what to say, she simply brushes her knuckles against his.

Roy returns the gesture, drawing indiscernible patterns on the back of her hand with his bandaged one.

“Well, it’s almost midnight now, sir.”

He lets out a small laugh, but it’s painfully hollow.

Riza shifts slightly. It’s a bit of a tight squeeze - hospital beds are clearly not meant for two persons (or anything inappropriate) - but it doesn’t bother her all that much. She just wishes there’s more she can do, to comfort him. Make him feel a little less gloomy.

“It feels like I’ve been sleeping for years.”

“If it helps reduce the incidents of you falling asleep during office hours, then you should get more sleep now, while you can.”

Roy turns, like he’s searching for her, even though there’s not much closer she can be at this point. He exhales shakily. She feels his hand trembling against hers, and responds with a gentle caress. (She knows he’s still feeling guilty, probably berating himself internally about their predicament, about what transpired beforehand. And to be fair, there’s a part of her that’s still angry about all that's happened underground. They’ll probably have to talk about it, at some point, but probably not now — not when they’re both still drugged up and only half-lucid.)

“Humour me, Lieutenant.”

“What?”

“I can’t sleep,” he confesses. Dimly, Riza notes that his voice has taken on a somewhat petulant edge — like a child complaining about their bedtime, but she doesn’t comment on it. Being nearly bedridden for a week is enough to drive her nuts, too. “I’ve tried counting sheep and all that shit, and it’s just — it’s not working.”

Riza sighs. She’s tired, yes, but she’s also aware that she’s probably not going to get any sleep at this rate. She tries to think of ways to stave off his restlessness. Reading is one — she can probably bore him into sleep with a Xingese recitation (she’s gotten pretty good at that lately), but she’s technically not supposed to be talking much. Alcohol is another, but neither of them are supposed to be drinking (and besides, the only form of alcohol available in hospitals isn’t meant for human consumption). Maybe chess, then. She’s not particularly keen on playing a game of chess, now (because she just wants to sleep), but she thinks it’ll help exhaust some of his boundless energy.

“We could play a game of chess, if you want. Breda was kind enough to drop a vinyl board here in the afternoon.”

“I can’t see —“

“I’ll tell you where I move my pieces.”

He frowns, clearly not liking the idea. “You’re not supposed to be talking much, Lieutenant.”

“I’m fine,” she insists, turning to pour a cup of water for herself before continuing. “I won’t have to speak much — unless you’re being a nuisance or a cheat or a fraud.”

He laughs. “I’ll be none of those things, Lieutenant.”

“Good.”

She sets up the board on his bed and helps him sit up. Riza lets him play white.

“It’s your move, sir.”

“You’ve made yours?”

“No. You’re playing white.”

“Tough. It’ll be more embarrassing if I end up losing.”

Riza smiles. “Well, we don’t know that yet, sir.”

He opens with pawn to e4. She helps him move his pieces and parrots her movements back to him. Pawn to e4, too. Pawn to d4. Same here. A closed game, not quite like his usual aggressive style of playing.

Riza watches as he frowns with intensity. It’s probably more a test of memory than strategy for him at this point. She wonders if there’s a way he can adapt to chess, to the military’s utilitarian (and frankly unsympathetic) demands now that his sight’s impaired.

(Life is so unlike chess, Riza thinks, in spite of Roy’s silly metaphors that postulate otherwise. The rules are never fixed, and the universe is always rife with uncertainty. It’s not like chess, where you can predict your opponents’ moves if you get good enough. Neither of them had expected that he’d be here right now, losing sleep and contemplating life over a chessboard while blind.)

He clucks his tongue, reciting a series of movements from memory. The Blackmar-Diemer. Riza smiles indulgently.

Still as aggressive as ever, sir.

Of course.

The game quickly becomes a round of blitz, and though he manages to open his lines and mount a rather decent attack, it’s clear that he has trouble recalling after the eighteenth move. It's still an impressive feat, though. Better than the average layperson.

“Check,” Riza announces, conversationally. Technically, she’d had the advantage, both on the board (and in real life). It shouldn’t really count, and besides, checkmate isn’t her objective — it’s to get her commanding office to sleep.

“Well-played,” Roy hums. He’s strangely still in his bed as he closes his eyes, rubbing at his temples — presumably to ease off an oncoming migraine. It happens a lot, when he’s in deep thought, when he’s over thinking. Thinking too much for his own good. “I need to work on my recall, I think.”

“I think so too, sir.”

He laughs, but the sound is again empty, foreign. It is so at odds with his usual smirks and unbridled laughter (when he’s laughing at someone else, or a joke made at somebody’s expense), like there’s an ache beneath the surface that she cannot reach.

Roy turns slightly, bumping into his dethroned king as he adjusts himself on the bed.

She blames the sudden, uncharacteristic urge to cry on her drugged-up system.

(Riza doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to how uncommunicative his eyes are. He’s always regarded each and every one of his subordinates with respect and meaning and gratitude, but he’d simply looked over the unit as if taking inventory when they had come by earlier.

But she’ll make do, Riza thinks. She has to. She’s always known him in a way nobody else has, in a deeply intimate way, like a book she’s memorised by heart.)

They fall silent for a few minutes. His lips part a little - she knows  he’s about to say something - but it snaps shut again, like he can’t bring himself to say the words.

Riza simply waits for him, like she always has; holding onto his held breath like it's the last thread of hope. She leans into his touch a little closer than necessary.

I’m right here, even if you can’t see me.

Roy smiles.

“I hope I won’t forget your face, Riza.”

[danny-chase]

Do you think that Tim saved Dick in a way? Because we see Dick getting better as he gets closer to Tim and healing and getting back into the family, and ig it’s Tim who initiated that.

I literally don't have a yes or no answer for this... like most things in the Batfam - it's complicated. (Following answer is informed by 90s-00s comics, i can't really speak for new52 because it just... has so many issues one of which being erasing the relationship between Dick and Tim for *checks note* no discernable reason other than possibly *checks note* Didio hates legacy characters and wants only bad things for them so he could have excuses to kill them off or cancel their comics... idk just a guess)

Warnings: for Bruce stans - just look away i'm about to bring up bits of canon you most likely don't like, for Dick stans - Devin Grayson's run is mentioned, for the lovely anon - i wrote an essay, hope you are prepared

Tim coming into the family gave Dick a reason to occasionally hang around Bruce and i'm not sure if this is an exaggeration or not but he did sort of save that relationship - but whether that was a good or bad thing at the time, i can't really say. For sure - it starts off good, Bruce is actually trying to be a good dad (he comes down to Blud to check on Dick, adopts him, trusts him with his own city, calls him for backup, etc.). But we also see throughout Bruce Wayne: Fugitive/Murderer how unhealthy the relationship between the two can be. Dick built his core values around Bruce - if Bruce had actually killed here it would have been devastating for Dick (he was pretty much on the verge of a mental breakdown simply because they couldn't find proof Bruce wasn't guilty). The two literally got in a fist fight during the arc because Bruce was being uncommunicative and Dick couldn't take it anymore, snapped, and punched him when Bruce said "Bruce Wayne is dead only Batman now" - this tied into Dick finally having the relief and validation of being adopted and he couldn't handle Bruce stripping himself (and by extension, his fatherhood of Dick) away. In this era of comics Bruce had gotten physical with Dick before (here's me venting like an annoyed loser), and here's a clip from Bruce Wayne Fugitive that i just, *sigh*, canon Bruce, my detested.

Now on the other hand - getting Dick involved in the batfam more doesn't just mean he was hanging out with Bruce. His relationship with Tim is pretty great and I can definitely see where it was healing for a while - but also - to give credit where credit is due, the healing he goes through during this era of comics can also be attributed to Barbara and the Titans (the fab five specifically). Wally literally joins the Titans to give Dick a "social life" (me - it's because he's gay and wants to spend more time with Dick, actually, screw you DC you know i'm right). Donna plays a major part in keeping Dick's emotional well being in check. So like everything was going fine - Dick was healing, spending more time with friends, spending a lot of time with people he loved, like Tim, except he was neglecting his health and not sleeping - but overall he was in fact, managing, and moving past the deaths of Jason and some of the other Titans. With the current Titans - he was a hardass (which like ~trauma~ so I understand), but like things were going relatively okay.

And then Donna and Lilith died. And hooof Donna dying was like really really bad for his mental health.

Teen Titans/Outsiders Secret Files (2003) #1

[Image ID: Dick sits in a room staring at a photo, the phone rings in the background, and he doesn't even acknowledge it, the voice mail plays: "I'm not here. Leave a message after the beep." The photo is shown closer in the next frame, it's of the five original Teen Titans - Roy kisses Donna on the cheek, tipping his hat his other hand making the okay sign, Donna has an arm around Roy, the other hand on Dick's shoulder, Garth proudly stands beaming with his hands on his hips, and Dick has both his arms around Wally's neck. Everyone is smiling in the photo. A voice plays over the answering machine: "Dick, it's Roy - pick up the phone... c'mon... please... I know you're there... just pick up. Dick, we need to talk... you can't just... please..." End ID]

For context - the previous page noted that this is Dick SIX WEEKS after Donna died. Usually Dick's the one who moves on quickly, but Donna dying broke him in a way nothing else had before - and that could be partly because he was still recovering from everyone else's death.

Up to this point, Dick had been healing and Tim was definitely a part of that, but then DC decided to throw the absolute book, bookshelf, and library at him. Reading Outsiders (2003) it's very clear he's very traumatized, and around the same time, Devin is literally whumping him like it's the whump Olympics, breaking him and Babs up, burning down his childhood home, blowing up his apartment complex (killing all but like two of his neighbors), he's literally sleeping on fire escapes using newspapers as covering because he has nothing, and the bad thing i don't like to think about (i'll let you know if you ask but that one needs lots of tw, but if you know where i'm going you know what it is already), Blockbuster is killed and he blames himself - and loses it over breaking Bruce's one rule, Bludhaven is nuked, and he pretty much tries to kill himself.

So basically, he was on the path to healing (with Tim as part of that) before he got absolutely destroyed (and almost killed off by Didio in one of the crisis). Tim in his own right, was also going through a lot in the meantime, his dad died, Steph died, Kon and Bart died, i don't remember what else happened and i haven't read that era of Robin yet. Things were good until they weren't anymore, and sometimes i think Dick would regret ever exposing Tim to the life they live, and questions whether he should have just sent Tim packing x2. They do get to spend a year together on a mental health cruise, but then Damian comes into the picture, Battle for the Cowl happens, and they have their falling out. But whatever happened on that cruise must have been really healing for Dick because he actually kind of rocks it in this era - he keeps things light with Damian, Alfred notes at one point how he makes things easy because he has lightness in him, and he patches things up with Tim - catching him in that panel of Red Robin - from there they kind of go back to normal, there's a lightness to the way they banter with each other (also here) and Tim returns the favor (from the Red Robin incident) by pulling Dick out of the water.

They've saved each other multiple times over (physically), and in both in the Black Mirror and Gates of Gotham, Tim helps out in a period where Dick is starting to fall apart from the pressure of holding things together for so long (something Tim might feel guilty for, because he did run away from Gotham on a wild goose chase for Bruce). In that period, it's really clear that Dick saves Tim (he reminds him in RR, that someone does actually care for him) and then Tim saves Dick from being torn apart by Gotham.

I should point out - Damian, while starting off as kind of a hinderance, does eventually start helping Dick as well. By the end of their relationship (before the New52 destroys everything i love), Dick has helped Damian grow emotionally, and through that process Dick probably finds meaning and value in their time together, probably a lot like he used to feel with Tim. And of course, physically, they've both saved each other multiple times by the end of the run.

So yeah. I think Dick finds meaning in growth in mentoring his younger brothers, and it's likely a healing process, that healing just has some twists and turns along the way, and sometimes, on bad days, he probably feels like maybe he shouldn't have intervened at all, but i think on most days, he's proud of what Tim's become.

...I hope this is coherent lmao

[punkranger]

Oooh, 6, 10 and 14 for the shipping questions! For Antoine/Danny and Nic/ Ortega ❤️

Thanks grief! ^^ since you didn't specify which list im just answering both xD

Antoine/Danny

6 Going out to eat: Who pays? Who orders the most food? And who has dessert?

Danny pays because he thinks Antoine is a poor retiree and Antoine is cheap xD I think they both order a lot, though Danny might have to be a bit more restrictive about what he orders to stay on the hero diet. They both have dessert 

10 Any pets? Or plants? 

Well Antoine's got his cat, Hime, and im sure Danny would have like a monstera plant, maybe orchids.. Idk i can just see him flying around his apartment with a gay little spraybottle and futsing with his plants xD (Antoine would not have plants, he'd just forget about them) 

14 Who is the highest maintenance? Does the other mind? 

Hmm Danny in the way that he obviously has standards both when it comes to food and clothing, also certain habits like making his coffee in a certain way. Antoine doesn't mind (esp when he gets to eat said food), but he also thinks it's an unnecessary hassle to always make nice food and worry about what to wear and stuff. Antoine can be a bit difficult to deal with for other reasons though, like being uncommunicative and just disappearing at times, not answering texts…

Nic/Julia 

6 Going out to eat: Who pays? Who orders the most food? And who has dessert?

Julia pays because she is a sugar mommy likes to take care of nic. She orders the most, nic is kind of bad at eating and sustains themself mainly on black coffee. Julia is also usually the only one having dessert (until she makes nic share with her and they get so embarrassed they order their own from then on)

10 Any pets? Or plants?

Nic has a ferret called Hamlet that he swings around dramatically while practicing villian speeches. Don't feel like either of them are plant persons, they'd probably forget about them, but Julia probably has a few low maintenance ones for appearances sake

14 Who is the highest maintenance? Does the other mind?

Julia ofc, she's got to wear nice things and have a nice apartment, Nic is also interested in clothes but cares less about brands and pricetag, also cares about making their living space look nice most of the time, but can also have periods of not giving a damn and just living in a mess (which on the other hand can be difficult to live with for someone else, including the moodiness..)

Not safe for tumblr under cut

Antoine/Danny

6 Dom/top? Sub/bottom? Any switches?

Both, neither, Antoine's a bit more assertive but still likes some give and take. As for top/bottom it's the same there, Danny will usually go by Antoine's preference, but isn't shy to say what he wants and they will just as often go by what Danny prefers - so in conclusion, they switch 

10 First to orgasm? Last to orgasm? Who comes the most? Does someone ever end up unfinished?

Danny usually comes first, and the most, he's young and spry after all xD but this also varies, Antoine can be either very patient or very impatient, but yeah if they were in a hurry danny would def be first. 

There might be times when one of them isn't in the mood and just helps the other out, but usually they're pretty synced 

14 Lights on or off? Do they look at each other? Or is someone embarrassed?

No light or low light. Danny likes looking at Antoine and while Antoine has gotten over feeling bad about danny looking at him and also likes looking at danny he prefers to focus on other senses after undressing basically

Nic/Julia

6 Dom/top? Sub/bottom? Any switches?

Julia is the more dominant by far, nic is a pillow princess who just wants to be pampered but will also do almost whatever julia tells them to. 

10 First to orgasm? Last to orgasm? Who comes the most? Does someone ever end up unfinished?

Nic is usually first because Julia makes it her mission to make him come, but sometimes she'll edge him while she gets off. Sometimes Nic doesn't want to finish but still wants to be involved more than just helping julia along. 

14 Lights on or off? Do they look at each other? Or is someone embarrassed?

LIGHTS OFF!! It takes a long Long time for nic to be comfortable being perceived and even without the [redacted] they just wouldn't be able to have Julia look at them and would probably spontaneously combust if they had to endure it for more than 30 seconds especially in any kind of intimate situation

[fe-semi-decent-scenarios]

oooh could you do protective headcanons for the golden deer too??🥺

{I most certainly can. Y’all know I love these tropes so keep ‘em coming. Hope it’s to your liking! :3}

Claude: 

6/10

Neutral, with just a tad bit of nerves. 

Look. Claude has bigger fish to fry than what you’re gallivanting on about during the day. The man has a dream to catch with literally a country and 1/3 (woot woot alliance) on his shoulders. 

First, the future. Then, you. Can’t have a life together if there is no place for it to be had, yeah? 

This doesn’t mean that he never worries about you. Quite the contrary, if he begins then he can’t stop. So he doesn’t tinker the thought. 

Instead he has his most trusted allies at your back. During the Academy days you were left under Hilda’s watchful eye, and during the war you are always nearby (courtesy of matchmaker Prof.Byleth) 

Once he puts a ring on it you’ll have guards. No problem. 

He also trusts your own capabilities. One doesn’t train every day to walk out with nothing  

Also

You make me laugh if you think Claude believes you’ll ever cheat on him 

Not that he’s cocky okay, maybe a bit  but no one would dare put the moves on “The Master Tactician’s” s/o

Any suitor coming your way is peasant fodder. If not to him, than to your own personal retaliation. 

Yupp, nothing to worry about. You’ve got it covered. He’ll only step in if you physically come ask him 

and with a bit of teasing he’ll comply 

However, Claude is very sensitive to illness for obvious reasons. This is why he’s listed at a six. He always insists on tasting your food

It was a gimmick at first, and in the beginning he’d make banter to sneak a bite while you remain all unknowing of his true intentions 

He’ll be damned if someone ever poisons you. They won’t ever get the chance

Ignatz: 

9/10

Let us face it. Iggy is a worry-wart.

He freaks out over the most minuscule of situations. The poor lad nearly gets a heart attack at least once a day 

And no, i’m not just referring to his pre-timeskip self. Ignatz may have grown a head taller, got a backbone, fancy harem artist pants--but no, he did not lose his inner anxious zealot. That trait will cling until the day he dies sadly 

Having you at his side only makes things worse (in a good way. The trouble is worth it to him) 

Especially if you’re more of the risky sort. Expect him to mother hen if you cause ruckus around the monastery. He can and will lecture you to death (only to apologize and hide away after)

Now not only does he worry about his own issues, but also yours. I swear Ignatz acts like you are his second being. If someone scolds you, hurts you, etc. he acts like they did it to him 

Can be a bit dramatic, not gonna lie. He gets so worked up that his ears go red. Like, you can just t e l l he’s holding so much back because he doesn’t want to go too far

Don’t even get me started on if someone tries to make a move on you 

He becomes t o r n. It isn’t his place to tell you who to hang around, but ohmygodwhatifyourealizeheisn’tgoodenough 

iggy no, bad iggy. don’t think like that

He feels threatened so easily and not many would peg him the jealous type. He is, but hides it very well. 

If need be he will talk out his feelings with you. That’s something noteworthy of Ignatz: he uses his words. He may find communicating such thoughts aloud difficult, but if he truly is concerned then he will be honest with you.  

Raphael: 

10/10

Raphael believes in trust. He expects you to be honest and to not keep anything important secret. In return he’ll do the same. 

This is why he doesn’t care if someone is flirting. He could give less of a thought on gossip, rumors, or anything really. That effort can go towards training 

He truly, honest to Sothis, trusts you with all his heart. There isn’t any time to spend doing otherwise. Raph just wants to live happily and that means having you by his side 

Nor does he feel intimidated by anyone else either. I’m not saying that he reeks of resolved confidence, but Raph believes that you love him. Love topples any mindless flirting that other people throw your way 

but let’s get one thing straight 

If anybody, and I mean ANYBODY, tries to hurt you 

This guy’s having them for b r e a k f a s t. Pounded, sliced, and Smoked. The same way he liked his bacon. 

You are his family. Raphael protects his family, and those he cares about. 

You will never be alone. Goddess if you cry and someone else is the cause then he will take action. One fault of Raph is that while he’s a sweetie, he doesn’t think before acting a lot. Similar to Caspar, he just goes for it 

It takes a lot to get underneath Raph’s skin. 

In short: do not f*ck with his loved ones. He would take on Nemisis himself mono-e-mono if it meant protecting them 

Lorenz: 

8/10

Y’all going to sit there and try to convince me that Lorenz Hellman Gloucester doesn’t try to establish dominance? 

Key word: try

He’s quickly shut down

“Lorenz if you tell one more person that we’re betrothed, I swear that I’ll shave off your eyebrows” - You, one month post-confession 

Saying that you’re his perfect match is no excuse. Considering all the preaching he does on noble humility, you’d think he would want your private affairs off the notice board? 

It doesn’t take long for your peers to start complaining. Claude finds his behavior entertaining, but not a day goes by that someone doesn’t beg you to make him shut up 

Lorenz is also a bit old fashioned. He doesn’t like the idea of you fighting more than necessary

Once again, shut down 

Best way to deal with Lorenz is to let him think he has his way, then just do whatever. He gets upset, pouts, spouts his normal lecture, but then relents. All in due process with him 

Never thought I’d say this, but perhaps requesting not to be in the same troop together is the best option? You’d think he would fight better with an S tier relationship at his side? Nahhh. HE TAKES YOUR KILLS IT IS NOT FAIR 

He gives too much attention to what you’re doing, and not the enemy. Best if you stay separated

Ugh pray no one hits on you in front of him. Just... *screams* I don’t think anyone will, just to avoid him getting defensive. I swear the other deer take extensive preventative measures to avoid it.  

Hilda:

6/10

C’mon. This is Hilda we’re talking about 

You two most likely grew closer because she “asks” you for help so often 

Just like Claude, she has bigger fish to fry. The last type of person she wants to be is Holst (she loves him though don’t misinterpret that)

She does worry though 

Not enough to make her take the front lines, but a smidgen. Just to where you’ll get periodic check in’s 

Nothing obvious. A simple “what’s going on?”  as she inquired about your well-being 

A precarious scan-over as she checks for any new scars

She does get jealous though. There’s an entire castle full of available people and someone chooses to flirt with you? 

That just doesn’t make sense. Perhaps the “once something is taken it becomes more desirable,” saying has some truth 

She’s quite the clinger. You’ll just be walking and suddenly, BOOM, bubble-gum pink arm-candy in the corner of your vision

Once you two bypass the ‘puppy-love’ early stages, she changes. 

Despite her negligence beforehand, she does become overprotective   

Will fight if needed. Say you have a paralogue? Just so happens she was nearby and wants to tag along 

She also has to protect you from Holst. My dear, you cannot do that yourself. Brotherly wrath beseeches you, my god. Run dude run 

Marianne: 

3/10

A possessive streak is nonexistent in her blood. Such thing is a personal fear of her’s. Marianne refuses to conform to the stereotypes associated with her crest 

However, she does believe that one day you may leave her side. Marianne isn’t the most confident person. She...doubts 

Often does she wonder if you’re there solely to make her hurt. To love her and then one day disappear without a trace 

Anxieties like so will not go away overnight. She will not seek reassurance, which makes her more uncommunicative than most partners 

but no one is perfect. Neither are you. All you personally can do is politely decline any advances, and do your best to let Marianne know that you love her 

She isn’t particularly protective in any other sense either. She’ll heal you if needed, but special attention isn’t there

Marianne treats being a healer like how an ER doctor operates. On the field, everyone is equal. She is needed everywhere and cannot stay by your side. Otherwise lives will be lost, and that won’t be good for her conscience.

The same goes for all other aspects. If you’re gone, then you’re gone. If you’re sick, then you’re sick. She cannot give you special attention and acts in accordance to severity of the situation. Patients cannot be weighed in value via personal bias 

She has a surprisingly strong sense of self control, let me tell ya.

Lysithea:

7/10

She...does not have much time. Entering a romantic relationship was not a possibility that crossed her mind once before you 

Why bother when the ending is certain? Why leave someone brokenhearted, or a widow? Why give herself that extra stress when she’s already under so much as it is?

You can’t blame her for being extra cautious. While her life may be hanging on a string, that doesn’t mean yours has to end 

After some time she develops a resolve. If needed she would gladly lay her life down if it meant you could live another day 

A problematic conclusion. You two will argue often over how she cannot trade a ‘life for a life,’ just because of her special circumstances. Her mind always enforces that it’s the logical decision, and has trouble recognizing her own value

I suppose that comes with being a know-it-all, huh? Once her mind is set then there is no changing it 

Despite her brain sending all the signals that acting on jealousy is wrong...well, we know Lysithea 

She won’t come out and say she gets protective for your sake. Apparently anyone flirting with you already had business with her

Business that miraculously unfolds once you leave. Then suddenly they no longer have an interest? 

What’d she do? Threaten to shove a thoron up their rectum? No one knows 

Leonie: 

9/10 

She is the mom who’d create a strict morning routine for her kids to follow before school 

Or a thorough itinerary on a vacation 

Not a moment or bullion to be wasted! 

Cannot express enough how much this girl cares. She can become annoying from all the interference, but you’ll never become a bum with her in your life 

You might want to ask her to butt out. Remind her that you’re not one of the kids from her village, and that you can handle yourself 

Sometimes you’ll joke and say “yes mom,” because she gets b o s s y 

Which will earn you either: a) a glare, or b) her playing along and confusing everyone else 

So in a sense, yeah she’s protective. Overbearing in her own Leonie way 

Not the jealous type. Leonie doesn’t look at what other people have, and instead focuses on her own life. If someone wants to shamelessly throw themselves at your feet then that’s their issue. You know better than to cheat on her 

I can see her complaining to the captain or to Byleth though. Why waste time when the issue can easily be solved? Obviously someone with the time to flirt has time to do training drills  

Bonus! Cyril: (because during my first play-through I kept expecting GD to take him under their wing. They did not, and Nintendo missed out.) 

5/10

He personally hates being treated like a child. When someone doesn’t take him seriously Cyril’s self restraint goes b o o m 

So he won’t do that to you. You’re a capable individual and that’s that. Nothing more for him to interfere with 

His only protective streak lies when you’re incapable of doing things yourself. Aka: injured, ill, resting, etc. 

He’ll nag you for not being careful, but it’s not hard to miss the tears pricking his eyes 

He’s also very perceptive towards break-in’s. Many people have tried to kidnap/assassinate people of higher standing. He’s witnessed many attempts towards lady Rhea. I see him taking night shifts for patrol often, and after the war the habit sticks with him.

He takes a lot onto his shoulders often. It’s not bad. Being dedicated is an admirable trait, yet if you’re down someone will have to stop him from picking up the slack. 

He’s no healer, and leaves that job to the professionals. However he doesn’t want anyone to disturb you with the work your missing. So he’ll do it in your stead 

Manuela lets him stay in the infirmary past visitation hours. Mostly because he’s so busy during the day that he can’t come by 

He won’t return to his room those nights. He prefers to be by your side, just in case. 

Other than this type of situation- no, he’s not protective in the slightest.  

[beeexx]

Fic: Autumn 

4 tattoos on TK’s body, 4 stories set over each of the 4 season. Carlos and TK grow closer.

Read part one here or read the whole thing on ao3, see the end notes there for more of my comments.  

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It’s been raining on and off for weeks now, the humidity thick in the air, mixing badly with the chillier temperatures in the mornings and evenings, the sky looking a lot like someone’s taken a paintbrush to it and permanently painted it a depressing colour of grey that’s never going to disappear. Carlos is either constantly overdressed or underdressed and the uncertainty of the days, the constant rain, and the stress he’s been under for a few weeks now has made him extremely tired.

Which is why he and TK’s had a fight. They don’t often do this, Carlos has the patience of a saint, he knows this, Owen’s told him that on numerous occasions when TK’s been a little difficult and Owen’s been struggling to not lose his own temper, even TK’s gratefully expressed that too on a few occasions. So yes, he is very aware of how calm and patient he can be. But today Carlos has had a bad day at work and he’s tired and it’s just his luck that today of all days clashes with one of TK’s bad days, where he is anxious and too wrapped up in his own head to really be able to read signals.

Carlos doesn’t fault TK for this, of course not, but when his boyfriend is being uncooperative and uncommunicative, and not having had the strength to not drink that fourth cup of coffee today, their moods are doomed to clash. And it turns into a fight over something really stupid that causes TK to slam the bedroom door shut and for Carlos to kind of want to cry as it rattles on its hinges, that’s how much he feels that everything is too much right now. 

He’s bent over the stove, staring angrily at the uncooked chicken in the pan and wishes he could set it on fire or something, that would maybe make him feel fractionally better. Carlos really doesn’t want to fight, and he really doesn’t want to fight with TK, but even he has bad days where all signals go straight over the other one’s head and the answer ‘I’m fine’ with a foot bouncing unrelentlessly while hanging off the chair with a nose in phone, means that TK is definitely not fine, sometimes that doesn’t always translate for Carlos. Particularly not on a day like this.

He knows most of the signs and tells when TK is anxious, has been through one anxiety attack triggered by a nightmare with him where he might have remained totally collected on the outside while on the inside his heart broke in two because his boyfriend was on the floor telling him he couldn’t breathe and that image is doomed to haunt him for a long time. It was scary, but he’s seen panic before and he recognized the signs immediately and they talked through it afterwards and moved past it, well adjusted to deal with it in the future.

And TK isn’t selfish, he’s pretty good at reading Carlos’ in return, but not on the days where Carlos is strung so tightly he could snap in half due to days full of picking kids up from places where their parents are fighting with fists, bloody from the violence and almost always on something while the kids are hiding, their faces blank without tears because they’ve been through it too many times by then to know it doesn’t help. He doesn’t know what’s worse, that they’ve seen too much of this already, that it’s become so normalised for them they’ve already accepted it, or when they see it for the first time and Carlos is forced to gather them up in his arms, talk to them or sing to distract from the vicious yelling from the other room while child services are being called and the parents are dragged away in handcuffs screaming bloody murder. Yeah, sometimes he hates his job.

So, it’s been a bad day and coming home to a TK that is a nervous ball of tightly strung energy too, is not a good combination.

Carlos exhales, feels absolutely exhausted by now and he’s honestly ready to just go to sleep on the couch and forget about everything. He hears the bedroom door open, prepares himself for some short clipped words from TK informing him that he’s going home to his dad to sleep, instead, and this goes to show how upset and distracted he is, when TK steps in close and wraps his arms around him instead. He freezes for a moment, rendered shocked before he snaps out of it, covering TK’s hands with his own. 

He’s about to turn around so he can hug back for real when he feels TK’s arms slip from his, hurt he turns to look at TK, but TK’s already taken his hand in his, tugs on it until Carlos follows him, and walks him over to the couch. Gently he pushes him down on it, and Carlos goes willingly, at first not understanding what TK is doing. He gets the hint that TK wants him to lie down though, and when he does TK wordlessly climbs on top of him, laying down, covering him with his body. Dumbstruck he puts his arms around TK, feels his calming breathing on top of him, and somehow he calms down himself. TK winds his own arms around him too and with the both of them on top of each other like this, it’s a snug fit on the small couch. But it doesn’t matter, having TK near calms him immediately.  

“I’m sorry.” TK whispers. “I didn’t mean to be difficult.” Carlos shakes his head.

“No, it’s okay, I’m very sorry too.”

“I know work’s been a lot for you recently and I should have been more considerate, it’s just, it’s hard for me sometimes when I get stuck in my head to see that you’re struggling too.” He admits and Carlos nods, he understands.

“And I’m not leaving, I promise.” It makes Carlos stop for a moment, the words taking him by surprise because while it’s been hanging over them from the beginning that TK’s been scared that Carlos is going to leave him because he’s has got it into his head that he’s going to be too much and have too much baggage for it to be fair to Carlos to have to deal with it too, Carlos cannot help but feel the exact same at times as well. Especially when TK is upset and angry and on the rare occasions that they do fight, that he’ll leave. Not for long, but for a few hours and the thought of that is just too much for him sometimes that it makes him not think clearly, panicked into apathy almost. 

“I’m in it for the long run I promise.” Carlos tightens his arms around him, breathes him in, feels the weight of TK ground him into the couch, and he focuses on that feeling of safety, allowing it to embrace him for a moment as he swallows down the tears.

“I know.” He whispers, hears his voice waver slightly. “I know, but it’s nice to hear you say it nonetheless.” 

TK sits up, rests his elbow on either side of Carlos and wipes the escaping tear away gently, and kisses his cheek.

“I love you Carlos, I’m not leaving.”

“I know…”

“Are you okay?” He asks, concerned and Carlos shrugs, not totally used to being on the receiving end of TK’s worry. It makes him feel a little odd but he’s also understanding TK’s own hesitancy to opening up to Carlos in the beginning of their relationship, it’s scary.

“Work has not been easy recently. It’s just been a lot of bad stuff involving kids and social services and drugs, it’s making me feel useless. These kids, they deserve better and most of them just want their parents to love them. Separating them like this feels inhumane.” He admits, shakes his head to prevent more tears from escaping. 

TK nods but he winces and he has that rare look on his face, one Carlos knows means that he wants to protect him, wishes he could carry some of the burden for Carlos himself. It’s the same look he gets when he’s on call and he has to deal with a particularly difficult rescue, where instincts kick in and he will do everything he can to save the person.

It’s strange but Carlos recognises it’s deeply meaningful to be on the receiving end of it, Carlos can’t imagine there’s many people alive that TK cares this deeply about.

“I’m very very sorry about that.”

“Yeah...me too. But taking it out on you when you’re clearly not feeling your best either is not okay and I’m sorry.”

“I know you didn’t mean to and I wasn’t exactly helping my case along by being inconsiderate.”

“Agreed then that we both made mistakes?” Carlos says, his lip twitching a little and TK nods, smile small.

“Yeah, agreed.” He leans forward and kisses Carlos’ nose, a soft gentle gesture and it lodges something fiercely in his throat for a moment, making him gulp down the tears. 

But it makes him feel better too, and the tough and long day has started to diminish slightly by now when he feels warm and loved and comforted by the love of his life.

“Tell me about your day.” He tells TK and he huffs but smiles softly and nods, leans down again and while he talks he keeps placing butterfly light kisses on Carlos’ exposed skin, making his heart flutter in love.

He talks for a bit and Carlos hums and nods and doesn’t say much, starts to feel himself drifting off but feeling too tired to stop it.

…..

He wakes by the cascading sound of water against his windows, sits up confused as to where he is for a moment and why there is a blanket draped over him, the loud noise alerting him to the roaring storm outside. The living room light is off but the kitchen ones are on and there are two steaming plates of food standing on the counter, TK absent. He yawns, stretches and gets up in search of his boyfriend. It doesn’t take long, he comes out of the bathroom, freshly showered and wearing sweatpants and an old t-shirt of Carlos’, a little loose around the arms. He smiles when he spots Carlos is up and comes close, wrapping his arms around him. He looks better Carlos notes, less burdened than when earlier. 

“Hi.” He smiles. Carlos can’t help but smile back, loving it when he gets to see TK like this, completely at ease, facade gone, face open and soft looking in clothes that belong to him. 

He feels his heart grow in size and he leans down, kisses his boyfriend and hopes it conveys everything he feels that he can’t find the words for at the moment. TK seems to appreciate it and somehow understand it too, he hums, wraps his arms tighter around his neck and gives in to the kiss completely. He could do this forever, but he’s hungry and whatever there is that TK’s made smells lovely, so he breaks the kiss and TK kisses his nose before he steps back, but only a little, still keeping close to Carlos.

“You cooked.” He comments lifting an eyebrow. TK shrugs, a little unsure.

“Yeah, I have no idea what you had planned to make before the fight but you fell asleep and I thought you might appreciate some food when you woke up.” Carlos' heart melts, he loves him so much. 

TK looks back and Carlos kisses him again, taking the breath out of him as TK’s surprise becomes evident. Carlos steps back and TK looks dazed, he blinks and Carlos smiles.

“Thank you, I love it.” And a shy little smile breaks across TK’s smile, relief mixing with love.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And I am starving.”

“Good.” They step apart to sit down and the evening that started out horrendously turns into something soft and beautiful instead, both of them tucked away into a little bubble of light while it rains heavily outside, unbeknownst to them. 

After dinner and the dishes have been cleaned away they move to the couch again, Carlos also having changed out of his jeans to fully enjoy the downtime. An episode of Criminal Minds is playing on TV, not Carlos’ favourite thing to watch when he wants to relax, but TK enjoys it and has taken to asking Carlos questions about what they do being realistic or not. 

He’s not paying attention to the episode though, his attention is on TK more than anything else right now, his head in Carlos’ lap, eyes attentive on the screen, his hair soft and loose, having been left unstyled after the shower, breathing slow and calm. He’s stroking a hand up and down his arm, making goosebumps erupt on his skin, something he delights a little too much in doing. 

The sleeve of the shirt has risen up, and there is one of TK’s many different tattoos. This one is the SOS one, the world as the O and it’s pretty, Carlos actually likes it a lot, can’t help but be curious about it too. He moves his hand over it, fingers gently hovering above it until he has TK’s full attention. It takes a while for him to notice that the stroking has stopped and he moves his head, frowning slightly.

“What is it?” He asks, Carlos smiles, a little cheekily.

“What about this one.” He taps gently at the underside of his upper arm and TK’s eyes move to it. When he gets what Carlos is asking he huffs but he nimbly moves and lies down on his back, meeting Carlos’ eyes. Carlos gets a pillow from behind himself, motions for TK to move and puts it under his head making it more comfortable for him.

“Okay this one really doesn’t have as deep a meaning as the other one, just to warn you.”

“It doesn’t have to be deep.” He reassures. “I just want to know more about you.” TK’s eyes go soft for a moment and he draws in a sharp breath.

“I love you so much.” He whispers and Carlos smiles brilliantly, leans forward and kisses TK. 

The angle is all wrong and kissing upside down really isn’t as sexy as they make it out to be in films, not that it matters, the action, softly kissing someone he loves is all that matters.

“I love you too.” He sits back.

“Okay, well this really isn’t that deep. But you know I love the ocean?” Carlos nods.

“Well I went on a trip with some friends to California for a weekend when I was younger and there was this activism group that was protesting and advocating for the protection of our seas so I stopped and talked with one of the guys and he was really passionate about it. I learnt a lot from him and I guess it just kick started my own passion for the sea.”

“Yeah?”

“But the tattoo came after a drunk night out, same trip though, where I flirted with the tattoo artist for long enough to make him agree to do it even though I very obviously wasn’t sober.”

“You little menace.” TK flashes him a cheeky grin, clearly proud of the achievement.

“Well the tattoo turned out nice though.” He strokes his thumb appreciatively over it and TK nods.

“It did.” 

“What happened with the dude?”

“I went home with him for the night.” Carlos snorts and rolls his eyes.

“Of course you did.” TK chuckles.

“But yes the tattoo turned out nice, it really did. Not that I am against putting tattoos or piercings or stuff on your body that don’t have any meaning. But I guess it’s nice when some of them do.”

“It’s art, I like it on you, adds another layer to you, as well as making you hot as hell.”

“Yeah?” TK lifts an eyebrow, intrigued now, fishing for details, wanting more. Carlos chuckles but he can’t really resist TK when he looks at him like he does now, biting at his lip, knowing of course exactly what he’s doing to Carlos. 

“You are a menace.” TK chuckles, sits up, easily turning around planting himself in Carlos’ lap, kicking away the pillow.

“Yep, but you love it.”

“I do.” He says leaning forward, meeting TK in the middle. 

They don’t last too long on the couch because after becoming an actual well adjusted couple both of them prefer having sex in the bedroom, it makes for much more intimacy than a quickie on this small couch do for either of them these days. Not that they are exactly opposed to having sex a bit all over the place at Carlos’, but after the evening they’ve had, the bedroom it defintiely is.

Carlos turns off the TV, carries his boyfriend easily enough to his bedroom and closes the door behind them.

[hanadolphieron]

hyunjin as a girlfriend~

-requested-

how you met;

you met hyunjin while you were shopping for new clothes for the winter

hyunjin had piles of fluffy jackets draped over her arm, and there was a stray leaf in her hair that must have fallen on her head when she was outside

the fall weather makes everyone romantic 

and you couldn’t help but think about striking up a conversation with her

and maybe taking her to the cafe next door

and get to know each other over pastries and coffee

lucky for you, hyunjin came over to you before you had the chance

it wasn’t exactly because she was looking to talk to you (oop)

she was actually looking for a specific jacket that you happened to have collected while on your way around the store

but, it happened, and you took the opportunity and made some small talk with her

then, you decided that you might as well go for it, since hyunjin was looking a little bit suspicious, like she was into you as well

and inquired for her number

she happily gave it to you

and as you showed her the way to where her desired coat was (even though you couldn’t remember very well) she asked if you would like to meet her at the cafe next to the store for some coffee and pastries

needless to say, you were dumbfounded, she practically read your mind

but you of course agreed

more on this in the headcannons because i have a lot to say

the basics;

hyunjin’s cancer moon causes her to treat her loved ones like family 

she doesn’t have many boundaries once you get to know her really well, although it does take a while for her to open up and become vulnerable with you

wants an all-consuming relationship

hugs all the time or she’s going to give you the silent treatment

while she is up for snuggling 99% of the time, hyunjin also needs some space to herself

will begin to act colder or more detached when she’s in need of some regeneration 

might tell you, might not, depends on the point in the relationship

will expect you to pick up on her moods, so you’ll have to deal with some uncommunicated or misunderstood emotions

uses body language so much, like you’re just going to have to learn to pick up on her feelings through how she moves

her libra mars does help this aspect though, and can make her more straightforward in terms of communicating

takes so much pride in her love for you and cares for you like her life depends on it

loves to bring you along to functions and events

mostly because she adores spending time with you and likes to incorporate you into things, but also because she is keen on showing you off to her friends and family members

capricorn venusians are overly protective

there’s no sugarcoating it, hyunjin is going to get jealous, and suffocate you a little

but she’s also like a safety blanket?

to some people her constant affection could be a burden, but i mean, she means well by it, and who would want to disappoint her

besides, she’s just so fluffy and huggable

will back off if she see you’re uncomfortable with her snuggles

loves it if you’re clingy back!

will act all teasing at first, like “ugh you want more cuddles?”

but she secretly loves it so much

and won’t let you get up once you’ve settled down with her under thousands of blankets and pillows

dates are kept more private

while she does enjoy the outing with lots of people once in a while, she prefers quiet places where you won’t be disturbed by anyone entering your personal effervescence

i feel like she would ruffle your hair a lot

but smack you if you ever tried to do it to her (:

jokes around a lot, will not let you have any peace when she’s in an energetic mood

she feels like home and just screams girlfriend?

spending time with her would be a dream come true

headcannons;

back to your first date~

so, you two head over to the adorably quaint café next to the clothing store

hyunjin offers to pay for the cherry danish you order and the éclair she gets, but you shove your wallet towards the clerk before she can even get her’s out :)

she pouted a bit, but i mean who wouldn’t like someone else paying for them

both of you buy hot chocolates as well, instead of coffee because chocolate is 10x better fight me

she ends up getting icing on her nose, which you point out to her giggling, but also trying not to make her feel embarrassed because no one wants that

she blushed, and wiped it off

at least, she attempted to, she probably would have gotten it off however you took this chance to be a hopeless romantic and reach over to wipe it off

and her face was burning

the time you visited a botanical garden takes the cake for the most aesthetic date

hyunjin read the names of every single plant in a documentary person (?) voice

you had to laugh

the looks on the other people’s faces were hilarious when you girlfriend started to read the little sign next to the flower bed in a dry, informational voice

one person even thought she worked there

you wanted her to go along with it and pretend she was actually an employee, but sadly she’d already bursted out laughing

you held hands the entire time and it was perfect

both of you tried to make the venus fly-trap eat your fingers

luckily, it did!

hyunjin was overly energetic that day, and kept bouncing all around

you of course joined in on the fun and started aggressively dancing to why not

she was loving it, and joined in, making you look bad but that’s okay

petnames;

breadstick-

used by you, obviously

in response to her obsession with bread, you decided the perfect nickname for her was “breadstick”

hyunjin wasn’t opposed to this

others did tease her about it

but she did not care and continued her amazing shameless love of bread

baby cloud-

used by her🥺

she calls you this whenever she’s feeling soft for you, so pretty much all the time

doesn’t like to call you baby cloud in public though

prefers to call you it when you two are alone, just enjoying each other’s presence

[antigonewinchester]

ep 5x17, “99 problems,” another decent ep. although there was definitely 1) some editing/pacing issues, didn’t feel like they left enough time for the pastor to really grapple with his daughter having been replaced by the demon of babylon; and 2) the writers sure do love the excuse to call a young woman a whore over and over, huh???


things i did like: dean’s depression, hopelessness, and low key suicidal ideation hits waaaay harder on this rewatch. his whole downward spiral over this season is brutal, but especially from 5x13 onward. when he kills “leah” after we know the demon can only be killed by a servant of heaven and what that implies… and him speeding off to who we assume is michael but is actually lisa made me feel very tender!! i’m fond of lisa as a character & dean’s desire for a family and love for lisa/ben is just a lot more personally relatable on rewatch. maybe this’ll change in s6 but i don’t see dean’s love for lisa as unreal or a projection, it’s definitely there, it’s just not the only thing dean wants. then lisa clearly realizing something is Wrong with dean and his speech being essentially a verbal suicide note, god. (i realize this is 10 seasons of character development later, but this is part of this is why i’m not a big fan of dean’s death in the finale; dean spends a lot of the early seasons being low key suicidal, so to then have him get stabbed and passively accept his death leaves a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth, versus him surviving after “swan song”.)

and then sam’s faith! the evolution of sam’s faith from believing in god & angels (…plus dean) to his faith in humanity & in himself (plus still in dean, despite dean’s own loss of faith) is great character development. and it makes him a cool foil to lucifer; similar but just different enough in the right ways, lucifier’s arrogance versus sam’s learned self-esteem. believing in yourself, loving yourself, you need that move through the world, it’s not all pride. look at dean’s self-destructive sacrifices, right? sam’s faith in free will in particular is just perfect. demons, angels, even somewhat dean, they’re all telling sam in one way or another that free will doesn’t exist, and sam still says “yes it does, because i have faith in it.” the first step towards free will… is having faith in free will!! sam winchester, ladies and gentlemen.

on a bit of a side note, it’s been interesting tracing the “dean is too controlling of sam” through line. it’s definitely there in the early seasons and hits its peak in prob s4 (for complicated reasons, too), but by the end of s4 and through s5, dean is much more detached from sam. then season 5 is all about sam coming into his own. the whole ‘dean emotionally abuses sam/is too controlling of sam’ idea that i’ve seen tossed around… i’m just not seeing it?? it does feel like people can exaggerate dean’s control and sam’s victim status. sam might be the younger brother but he’s also an adult who can & does make his own decisions. again, this could be different in later seasons, but for now dean’s problem is more that he’s too detached & uncommunicative with sam, seems to me.


[beholdme]

All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 11

Chapters: 11/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10]

Jon has a terrible, sinking feeling about what he considers their new Mary Keay problem.

He knows Gerry feels more confident that he can deal with her now, as an adult with his own resources and a solid foundation, but Jon doesn't want her ever walking into their lives again.

He feels the threat of her existence hanging over their hard-won peace like an anvil on a lace string.

"I think we should try to find her," Jon tells Martin one evening when they’re alone in bed. Gerry is downstairs painting, and even though he almost certainly can't hear them, Jon whispers it like a dirty secret.

"You think-" Martin looks up from his book with an almost comically incredulous look on his face. "You think we should look for a murder who threatened your life?"

Utterly uninterested in secrets between the three of them, Martin does not attempt to speak quietly.

"Well, when you put it like that," Jon grumbles, returning his attention to his book and pretending to drop it.

The next day at work, he puts his researching skills to the test. It doesn't even take very long, and in less than an hour, he has an address in Morden, where she apparently owns a bookstore of all things.

The information available is fairly spartan, updated more than a year ago, but Jon can see enough. He can see that she lives less than an hour from Gerry, and it itches at him.

He knows he shouldn't go. Knows that Martin and Gerry will be furious if they ever find out that he snooped, nevermind if he goes there and unsettles old ghosts..

But still, he takes a half-day off from work and gets on a bus to Morden.

*

When Jon arrives and finds the storefront boarded up, he is half reassured, half perturbed. He had felt almost relieved when he had a concrete lead to follow, but now all he has is more questions.

"She's dead."

Jon startles at being unexpectedly spoken to and turns towards a teen girl sitting in the storefront doorway next door.

"She died, like a while ago? Apparently she lost her shit and cut herself up with a piece of glass. Bleed to death on the floor." She inclines her head towards the dilapidated bookstore. She seems quite taken with the gossip, as if it's the most interesting thing to ever intercept with her boring life. It probably is, Jon thinks, uncharitably.

"When did it happen?" He prods, hoping for as many details as possible.

"Oh, like two years ago?" She nods at herself in confirmation. "You can go in if you want. It's haunted. People are always going in to see if they can find Mary's ghost."

Jon shudders, feeling that Mary's ghost is already plenty present enough in his life. He asks how to get in anyway.

Jon doesn't find any obvious ghosts inside, only a lot of dust, a few vandalised books, and a trashed building.

There's a staircase leading upwards and he stares up at the upper landing for a moment, weighing his options. Might as well , he thinks, and proceeds up it carefully.

There's literally nothing but more dust, and Jon descends into a sneezing fit just as he is deciding to cut his losses, feeling slightly dizzy.

The sneezing turns into coughing, and Jon takes a step back to lean against a wall.

But the wall isn't there, and he falls.

And falls.

And falls.

*

Jon calls Martin from the hospital. He’s down in Brighton, meeting with a business supplier, and Jon assumes this makes it a safe bet he'll arrive without Gerry. He assumes wrong.

Gerry arrives, alone, in half the time it would take Martin to make the trip, looking flustered and scared.

"How did you get here so fast?" Jon demands incredulously, made short by his shame and physical discomfort.

"How did I-" Gerry pauses and takes a deep breath, but his next words are still slightly shrill. "I took a fucking Uber, Jonathan. How did you get here?"

Jon opens his mouth, but Gerry cuts him off as he goes on.

"You went looking for Mary, didn't you?" Jon's guilty face must tip him off, because he simply goes on, pacing angrily. "Christ, Jon! What the hell were you expecting to find? And you know what, Martin didn't even sound surprised when he called me to tell me you were here. You know, I can understand this uncommunicative bullshit from you, but not Martin."

"That's not very nice," Jon grouses.

"And do you think it was nice for me to hear from Martin that you were hurt? I'm glad to know he was your one and only phone call from an ambulance."

"Gerry-"

"Don't fucking Gerry me."

"I'm sorry," Jon says, looking down at his hands.

"Are you, Jon? Because you don't even know the worst part yet. If you had asked me, I could have told you Mary was dead, and then we wouldn't be in this mess at all."

"You knew?"

"Of course I knew! I was her next of kin!"

Gerry stops, pressing his fingers into his eyes and blowing a hard breath out. He takes several more breaths, heart-pounding, anxiety through the roof.

"Jon, how hurt are you?" Gerry asks quietly, coming closer to gently take a hand.

"Just a few bruises." Gerry raises an eyebrow in disbelief. "A mild concussion." And the other. "Maybe a few broken ribs."

"Oh, my sweet, sweet idiot. How loving you makes me want to climb the walls sometimes."

"Only sometimes?" Jon fills his voice with false levity, although it comes out rather shaky.

Gerry grunts, but leans down to kiss his forehead very gently. It's a minuscule point of contact, but Jon knows Gerry and can feel the tremble of fear (fear for him, who would have thought), and the tension of his frustration.

"I'm going to go talk to the doctor, okay? Just- just take it easy. Everything will be fine, love."

Jon doesn't believe him, not really, but he lets Gerry go. There's a lot of noise and movement after that, and Jon's head spins through most of it. Gerry is there, talking to doctors, querying the tests they want to run, and just generally making his opinion in regards to his partner's care very clear.

*

Martin knows it's bad when he arrives at the hospital and finds Gerry chain-smoking in the parking lot. His expression mostly just looks exhausted, but in his favorite black trench coat, and most intimidating combat boots, he looks ready to burn something down.

"That bad, huh?" Martin tries, but Gerry simply waves him towards the entrance, not making eye contact.

Martin almost cuts his losses, wanting to deal with one idiot at a time, but doesn't want to leave Gerry to sulk.

"How is he?" Martin asks.

"He's in one piece. They asked me to leave so they could do the x-rays. Apparently, he fell over a banister."

"A banister? How?"

"Your guess is as good as mine until we can interrogate him." Gerry takes a long, contemplative drag of his cigarette. "But apparently it's not all that bad and as long as the x-rays look clear, we can take him home in a couple of hours."

"He couldn't have chosen a worse time."

Gerry grunts in agreement. "He's going to tell us he wants to go back to his own flat, but that's only because he thinks I'm angry at him."

"And why would he think that?" Martin questions.

Gerry takes another long drag of his cigarette as if testing Martin's attention span, or patience, or both. Martin just waits, still and easy.

Gerry explains what he knows, his earlier outburst, Jon's guilty, stupid face.

When the cigarette is smoked and put out, Martin finally approaches Gerry all the way, and Gerry sinks into his arms gratefully.

"Everything will be fine."

"Hardly. This is my fault to begin with, and I yelled at him. In a hospital bed!"

"It's as good a place as any other, love. Come on, let's go get him so we can take him home."

Martin kisses him gently, before taking his hand and dragging him off to find Jon.

*

"Your partner is very loud." The blonde nurse with the buzzcut tells Jon as she wheels him to imaging.

"In his defense, I'm an idiot." He sighs, causing his battered ribs to ache.

She laughs heartily, wheeling him into an elevator. "Almost everyone I meet as an A&E nurse is. At least you seem like an interesting idiot."

Jon actually smiles, somehow pleased with the observation. "I'm Jon."

"Daisy Tonner." She offers a hand, which Jon shakes as firmly as he can manage. "You seem a bit old for trespassing in haunted houses, Jon."

The elevator dings and she wheels him out into the imaging wing. "I was looking for the woman who died there." Daisy gives him a skeptical look and he sighs dramatically. "I didn't know she was dead."

Daisy nods her understanding. "I remember when she died actually. They brought her here that night. Never seen someone with so much blood loss be so… Erratic. We had to strap her down." Daisy looks contemplative as she recalls the memory.

"She was a crazy bitch to the very end, then?" Jon asks, bitterness creeping through his tone at the woman who caused Gerry (still causes Gerry,) so much pain. Jon doesn't allow himself, yet, to dwell on the heartache of the years of Gerry she took from him.

"For sure," Daisy tells him. "What do you do for a living then?"

"I'm a librarian?" Jon tells her, but it goes up a bit at the end, like a question.

"Really?" Daisy asks wryly, "You don't sound very sure."

Jon considers laughing but remembers his ribs in time to settle on a tired smile. "I do work in a library but to be frank, most of the time I just feel like my boss's busy boy. Always running here and there and doing everything but what I thought I was supposed to be doing."

"Most professions aren't what we think they are when we sign up for them," Daisy observes. She parks his wheelchair outside a door and leans around to let them know a patient is waiting.

"Do you like being a nurse?" Jon asks her when she settles against the wall beside him, looking rather more intimidating than one would expect from the average health care worker.

"Most of the time. Sometimes it can be just exhausting and draining." She shrugs, contemplative. "Sometimes I get a patient that makes all the shit worthwhile. Mostly I just want to deck someone, though."

She cracks up at that and looks down at Jon to give him a feral grin. "Your boyfriend seems like a worthwhile candidate. Very punchable face."

"Careful, he might enjoy it," Jon warns her, deadpan.

They exchange a pointed look for a moment, before bursting into laughter. It pains Jon significantly, but he considers it worthwhile to enjoy the moment with a strange new friend.

*

By the time Daisy returns Jon to his room, both Martin and Gerry are there. Daisy looks pointedly between blue-haired, pierced, goth Gerry, and pink-haired, jumper clad, soft Martin and then eyes up 'born an 85-year old man' Jon for good measure.

Jon just shrugs at her and she nods in acknowledgment, before helping Jon into his hospital bed.

"As soon as the imaging comes through, it'll be checked by the surgeon on duty," Daisy informs them briskly, "then they'll come through and let you know what's happening. You'd best settle in for a bit of a wait. Buzz if you need me."

With a curt nod and a small smile for Jon, Daisy is off.

Martin comes over and pulls Jon into his comfortable arms, pressing his lips to Jon's forehead. He sighs out in relief to have solid reassurance that Jon is alright, alive, and relatively unscathed.

Gerry also moves over from his perch on the windowsill, and folds himself onto the bed, cross-legged in front of his errant partner.

They settle all together, Martin beside Jon, one unwavering arm around his shoulders, Gerry in front of Jon, both of his hands holding both of Jon's.

Jon opens his mouth to apologize.

"I'll go first," Gerry tells him, gently. "I am sorry that I was so upset earlier and that I raised my voice. I was fucking scared and I took it out on you when you needed me to be soft and steady. I'm also sorry that I didn't tell you Mary was dead before."

Jon tries to interrupt now, but Martin silences him with a squeeze.

"I meant to tell you, but it was all very messed up and over-wrought and I honestly forgot." Gerry looks chastised, a rare blush staining his cheeks. "I hope that we can get better at talking these things out so that this doesn't happen again."

He pauses, considering. "And I hope that if I have made you think that you can't talk to me by avoiding telling you things in the past, that you can forgive me and I will do what I need to be better."

Jon is truly floored, and utterly speechless. The words themselves had been a little bit halting and slightly awkward, as Gerry struggled to express himself, but the earnestness proves to Jon just how much Gerry loves him.

"I- I'm sorry too." Jon stutters out. "I'm an idiot but I love you. I hope we can get better at this together."

His words feel downright juvenile after Gerry's acknowledgement, but it's all he's got, pounding head and trapped emotions preventing similar declarations (oh and his total lack of social skills). Gerry beams at him regardless and he leans forwards to kiss Jon sweetly on the forehead.

Martin grabs Gerry's hand and places a kiss on his palm, sending him a significant look. It feels like approval to Jon, and he can't help but appreciate their bond just as much as his own with each of them.

They settle to wait, and they take turns reading from Martin's book to pass the time, each of their voices having a few moments to fill the air and weave around them.

Dr. Basira Hussain eventually comes in, assuring them that Jon's concussion is mild, his ribs are only bruised, and that he should make a full recovery (if he rests), in just a few weeks. They thank her profusely and she leaves them with Daisy to check out.

Gerry goes off to take care of the paperwork and in a few minutes, they're saying goodbye and walking out of the hospital together. Martin and Gerry flank Jon carefully, there to support him if he stumbles.

He also sits between them in the taxi, head on Martin's shoulder and one hand grasped between both of Gerry's. He feels exhausted and floaty from painkillers, and every jolt of the car makes it difficult to breathe.

He smiles, rather unexpectedly. Despite his current predicament, he's glad enough to know that Mary Keay is dead and that chapter of their lives is definitely closed. He does wish he had just asked Gerry, but he hopes that the strained feelings and injuries will blow over and she will finally be out of their lives for good, nothing but a sad, angry memory. A shade living only in the memories of those that didn't know her.