#and me.. I will sleep thinking of my kodos ^^

[lincolndjarin]

Best Kept Secret

chapter twenty five : wedding bells

ao3 link ✿ series masterlist ✩ main masterlist ✧

pairing : bodyguard!Din Djarin x afab!princess!reader

rating : 18+ mdni

word count : 11.7k

summary : a plan to finally leave Naboo is set in motion.

warnings, etc. : language, smut, angst, canon typical violence, allusions to sexual assault, threatened sexual assault (a guy threatens reader, and is gross), vomit (reader pukes once, it isn't described in detail), oral f!receiving, p in v, creampie, din's breeding kink, teasing, orgasm delay, probably other things i missed sorry

a/n : genuinely sorry about how long this took, it's been a pretty rough month for me and it's been hard to focus, especially when i'm also trying to keep up with kinktober, i promise in november. my upload schedule will do back to normal. i've sort of been dreading writing this chapter for a long time just because i've known how i've wanted it to go for so long and i just wanted it to be right, double apologies bc idk when the next chapter will be out because it's gonna be a double release but i will keep everyone posted. also i super rushed the edit on this so like if there's a big glaring error feel free to message me about it.

comments and reblogs are appreciated !!

Four days of Leo. 

You were upset that Din was leaving you but you got over it rather quickly with the promise of his hasty return. 

The morning he’d left you’d gone back to bed, you couldn’t think of anything to do without him so you just slept, dismissing the girls when they came to dress you. Your makeshift bed is colder than ever as you toss and turn for a few minutes before finally rising. You managed to find a dress that wouldn’t require much assistance to put on, stepping into it before leaving only to find Leodall waiting outside your door. 

“Can I help you?” You give him a perplexed look as he clears his throat. 

“I’ve been tasked with protecting you while the Mandalorian is away.” 

What the hell is Leo supposed to do if you’re in danger?

“Is this Kodo’s doing?” You fight back the frown that threatens to form on your face.

“No ma’am. The Mandalorian instructed me to keep an eye on you.” 

Bastard. 

Of course he didn’t tell you Leo was going to be watching you while he was gone, he knew you’d be livid, which you are. You know better than to fight this, Leo’s terrified of Din, he’ll do whatever he asks of him. With a sigh you begin to make your way to the library, hearing his flustered steps behind you. 

You don’t want to be stuck with him in the library all day so you simply grab a handful of books before making a hasty return to your room. Much to your chagrin, he follows you in, keeping a watchful eye on you as you read. 

He does all sorts of nonsense.

He sweeps, and dusts, and fusses. Nothing is ever clean enough for him. You tell him it’s fine dozens of times but he just won’t stop insisting. He takes the sheets off the bed to be washed despite you telling him you don’t even sleep there. 

His orange complexion goes damn near white when he discovers that you’ve been sleeping on the closet floor. You explain to him with as much patience as you can muster that nothing he can do will stop you from sleeping in there and you find a compromise where he thoroughly washes every single blanket, sheet, and pillow while you try not to scowl at him. 

And he won’t stop talking. 

He doesn’t seem to take the hint. You can sigh and groan as much as you want to when you look up over your book at him but he just keeps going. 

The only time he goes silent is when you have to attend dinner with your husband. Leo accompanies you as Din would, standing behind you as you take your seat at the dining hall table.

Kodo looks… tired? 

You’ve seen plenty of emotions on that smug face of his, but exhaustion? Never. 

“Let’s make this quick.” He doesn’t even look at you as he takes a swig of whatever’s in his mug. You don’t grace him with a verbal response, just a nod and a hum as you take a sip from your own glass, hoping the water will soothe your nerves. 

They don’t even bring out any food as he writes something down, shuffling through the papers in front of him. 

“I don’t have a lot of time today…” He finally looks up at you, there are bags under his eyes and you can’t help but wonder what’s gotten to a man who seemingly cares about nothing. “Let’s get started, shall we?” He sits up a little straighter, giving you that smile you’ve grown to hate more than anything else in this castle. “My father is ill.” 

“I’m so sorry, my prince.” Your sympathies are emotionless, you don’t remember what his father is like. If he’s anything like the rest of his relatives you’re certain you wouldn’t care for him. 

“Don’t be, this is a good thing.” Of course his father’s sickness would be a positive to him. “They’ve already transferred many of his royal duties over to me.” Hence the exhaustion. “This is a very good thing, wife. You could be queen by the end of the month.” Your stomach lurches at the thought. 

Being queen means making heirs. 

“How wonderful.” You stare at him, really taking him in for the first time in a while. Maybe it’s just because you know exactly how ugly he can be but right now you have to wonder how anyone considers him attractive. You don’t even know what Din looks like but you know that purely based on his actions that he’s more attractive to you than this. 

“I don’t have much else for you, you are excused.” You blink at him a few times as he says it before shooting a confused look at Leo who looks as puzzled as you. 

“You don’t want to have dinner?” You try to not sound excited at the idea of leaving already as he nods. 

“I already ate.” He’s already ignoring you all over again, his eyes back on his work as he waves you off. 

So you go back to your room, smiling the entire time.  

You read, you eat when Leo brings you food, and you sleep. 

And that’s the routine. 

For nearly a week that’s what you do. 

You wake, you let Leo in when he knocks, you deal with it when he fusses, and you sleep. 

But really what you spend most of your time doing is missing Din. 

You miss the way he smells, and the way he balances you out. It feels like you’re missing an integral part of yourself, you’ve grown so accustomed to his constant presence and the sudden lack of it is jarring. He made the castle feel like home and without him it returned to its former glory, a prison. 

☆

Just as promised he returns, you’d hoped it would have been sooner but you’re just happy he’s back. You’d assumed the moment you laid eyes on him that you’d jump his bones immediately, but all you could think about was just how happy you were to see him. 

You just want to be with him. 

So you do just that.

And you take care of him, because it makes you happy to care for him the way he does for you. You don’t ask him about the trip, you know he’ll tell you about it when he’s ready. 

In the morning you hold him tight, and you tell him what you were told at dinner. That the king is sick, and you both know what that means. 

Despite the looming darkness, the morning is relatively normal after that. 

Until you get to the library.

He’d been staring at you for some time and you were just about to ask if he was okay when he spoke. 

“Do you know what riduur means?” 

Spouse. 

You’d seen it in the book while he was away. You’d focused on learning words that would most likely be relevant to your life with him. 

“No, I don’t think I learned that.” You’re mostly just curious if he’ll actually tell you. 

“It means partner, or spouse.” He sounds nervous, it makes your heart skip a beat. 

“Oh. Okay…”

He nods and you can’t help but be disappointed at his lack of followup. You try not to stare, keeping an eye on him as you return to your own book, in your peripherals you can see that he doesn’t even try to pretend to read, he’s just staring at you again. You get ready to shut your eyes when he starts playing with his helmet controls but he doesn’t remove it, instead he takes your face in his hands.

“Can I ask you something?” There’s no modulation as you hear his raw, unfiltered voice. His thumbs rub small circles into your jaw. 

Is this happening? Now? Or is he joking around again? 

“Of course.” You’ve been ready since the first time you thought this was happening. 

“Do you remember when I described the fear of love to you?”

Definitely not a joke. 

“Yes.” You couldn’t possibly forget it, you still feel it everyday. 

“Do you ever feel that fear?” 

Every single second of every single day. 

“Yes.” 

“I don’t want you to.” He releases your face, taking your hands in his instead. “I don’t want to either.” 

If he’s about to break up with you again you’re gonna kill him. You might actually push him out the window, he’ll be fine, he has his pack. 

“I don’t want our lives to be that. I want to leave, soon.” You sit up in his lap, the nook is a mess of tangled limbs and fabric from the skirt of your gown at this point. “B- but I want us to do something before we leave.” He’s usually so put together when he talks to you like this. Slow, well calculated words, but he’s stuttering a bit now, his voice nearly cracking as you give his hands a reassuring squeeze. 

“Okay.”

“Okay.” He repeats, nodding to himself before the helmet tilts up with a whisper of your name, it’s the first time you’ve heard your real last name and not Harand, in a long time. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” You really do.

“I have lived my entire life in hiding, behind masks and walls.” He takes your hand, bringing it to the lip of his helmet as he takes your fingertips, bringing them under it to hold them to his lips. “I can’t, and I won’t do that forever. I have said it before and I will say it again, I have no secrets from you.” Are you holding your breath? The tightness in your chest makes you feel like you are. “And you deserve a much more profound proclamation of devotion but I’m worried that if I try to do that I’ll lose my nerve. So instead I’ll just say it, and I’ll spend the rest of my days after this showing you just how devoted I am.” He reaches under his cowl, producing a small chain from around his neck, he fiddles with the clasp for a moment before holding it out towards you. Two silver rings hang from the chain. “Sarad’ika, let me spend the rest of my days with you.” He sets the rings in your hand. 

You’re briefly waiting for formal words but you realize those aren’t coming. This is more than a marriage. This is an oath to each other, a permanent bond of devotion. 

“Of course.” You whisper, closing your hand around the bands before swiftly removing his glove, pulling him to your lips to place a kiss to his palm. “Of course, Din.”

You stare into that thin black visor, the both of you just taking a moment to take each other in. And for a brief moment you get a glimpse of the life you could have together. 

A chance at something real. 

Freedom. 

A house. 

A family. 

“Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi ba'juri verde.” He murmurs, barely above a whisper.

“What’s that mean?” 

“Mandalorian wedding vows. I can teach them to you if you’d like.”

“What does it mean?”

"We are one when together, we are one when parted, we will share all, we will raise warriors."

You want him to take the helmet off. 

You’ve never felt such a strong urge to be face to face with him, to really truly see him in this moment. To know him and to be known. 

“And I want you to look.” He voices your own thoughts as he brings your hands to his helmet and you lean forward on instinct, pressing your forehead to the cool steel. You stare at the beskar mask. You’ve spent so much time wondering what lies beneath it but now you know that you don’t care, you imagine him as you’ve felt him beneath your hands. You tumble forward, wrapping your arms around his neck.You lift his helmet just enough to kiss him, to feel that warm familiar heat against you. 

“I want to do it soon, I don’t want to wait any longer.” He murmurs once his helmet is properly situated once more. 

“Absolutely.”

“One week from today. Elaine and I will plan everything and we can leave that night.” A week? 

“So soon?”

“It’s for the best.” You settle against his chest so you’re staring out the window at the palace grounds. Just holding each other for a few minutes until you finally speak. 

“It’s silly, but I actually think I’m gonna miss this place.”

“Really?”

“Not this place specifically, I won’t miss this far too large castle, and I won’t miss the arranged marriage of it all, but I’ll miss all the other parts.” You twist around in his arms to face him. “I’ll miss Lysa and Elaine, and the cabin, and being here, in the nook.” His grip on you tightens in an attempt to bring you comfort. “I’m really going to miss the people.” You are suddenly aware of just how fond you’ve become of the people of Naboo. You truly love and care for your subjects and a part of you is going to miss them terribly. 

“I’m sorry.” He truly sounds apologetic. 

“Don’t be. None of it compares to you, Mr. Djarin.” You don’t want him to dwell on any sadness you may have because none of it compares to how badly you want to spend the rest of your life with him. 

“Whatever you say, Mrs. Djarin.” He mimics your tone.

“You can’t call me that yet.”

“But it suits you.”

☆

You wear your ring like he does. On your necklace. He keeps his on the thin silver chain and you keep yours on the cord with the silver flower charm. 

You have one full week to prepare. 

Din assures you that he’ll take care of all the logistical parts of your escape, he says he’s got a plan and you leave it at that, trusting him to handle it. You make yourself a five day schedule. 

Day one, which is today, your engagement day, you will spend packing and gathering whatever you wish to take with you, you both agree to each take one bag and nothing else to make things as easy as possible. 

Day two, Elaine is going to fit you for a gown while Din finishes his preparations for your departure. 

For your third day you’ve convinced Din to take you into the city to say goodbye. You want to see the markets and you want to see the people, one last time. 

On day four, you will have to attend your final dinner with your current husband.

And on day five you will be married. Elaine supposedly knows a pastor who works in a chapel just at the edge of the castle grounds. She has told him that the Mandalorian wishes to wed a servant girl, when the sun sets you will meet him there, your face concealed and just like that, you’ll be wed. 

When he explains it to you it all seems so simple but actually making it through the week is much harder. 

You don’t pack any clothes, Din says you’ll just get new ones when the two of you find somewhere to settle. You plan on wearing a simple tunic and pants, you’ll change after the ceremony and you’ll have your honeymoon once you’re safe and off planet. 

You’ve been wearing the necklace Din got you for a while now you don’t have to worry about that. Otherwise you don’t honestly have many belongings. You grab a few books from the library you’ve been meaning to read, tucking them into the canvas bag he brought for you. You pack a blanket and a few pieces of jewelry you think might be valuable before buttoning it shut, handing it off to Din to be tucked away in the cabin. 

You can’t help but feel like you’re forgetting something but you push the thought away. 

That night, when you’re laying with Din in the closet you hold the rings up together, staring at the intricate detailing in a way you haven’t gotten a chance to do yet. You rest your chin on his chest in the dim lamp light as you watch the way the flickering bulb reflects off the silver. 

The outsides are rather pretty, matching patterns of swirls and vines, miscellaneous flowers adorn the band. The insides are different though, both carved with the same word you vaguely remember from your book. 

Riduurok

It represents a love bond. 

The difference is specifically that yours has a very small carving of a mudhorn, a sigil you recognize from his armor, while his is engraved with a flower. A piece of each of you. 

“They’re beskar.” He says softly. His helmet resting on your bare chest. 

“Like your armor? Isn’t this only supposed to be used on Mandalorians?” You drop his ring and focus back on your own. 

“They make exceptions.” He yawns, he still hasn’t fully recovered from the exhaustion of his trip and you wonder if he slept at all when he was gone. 

“Is this why you left? To get these?”

“Not just anyone can forge beskar, I needed to seek out an old friend to do it.” He adjusts himself a bit, fiddling with his helmet.

“They did a beautiful job.” You close your eyes as you say it, hearing his helmet hit the floor and his face taking its place against you as he lays back down. 

“She always does.” He reaches over, turning the lamp off.

“Why a mudhorn?” He laughs when you ask, rolling over so he’s on his side, still holding you. 

And before you fall asleep, he tells you a story. 

In the morning Din leaves you with a kiss on the forehead to go handle the final preparations of your departure while Elaine arrives with her seamstress kit and bundles of white fabric. 

You want your own dress for this. 

Not one of the ones tailored to you and paid for with Kodo’s money. 

She takes your measurements in silence, her face contorted in concentration as she notes everything. From the looks of it, she already has a good portion of the dress finished. 

It’s gorgeous. 

Pale, sheer fabric lined with dainty little dots. The skirt is layered, flowing freely when she pins it against your figure, fitting it to you perfectly. 

“Elaine… this is beautiful, when did you find the time to make this?” 

“I started it a while ago, I hoped you’d like it.” She smiles and it feels almost normal. Like two friends just looking out for each other. 

“I love it, thank you, I don’t know how I’m going to repay you for everything you’ve done.” 

“You’ve done enough just by being kind to me, princess.” He manages to speak clearly even when she’s holding pins between her teeth. 

“Please, you don’t have to call me that, call me by my name.”

And she does. 

When she finishes the dress you have to fight back tears, not just because of how wonderful of a job she’s done, but because of the sentiment of it all. 

“Will you come to the wedding? You and Lysa?” You take her hands in yours, as you stare at yourself in the mirror, white lace falling off your shoulders in beautiful layers. 

“If you’d like.”

“Nothing would make me happier. You give her hands a squeeze and she helps you out of the gown, after about an hour Din returns from his day spent finding you passage off of Naboo, laying down beside you in the closet, you’re in only your undergarments since you didn’t bother changing after Elaine was done.

“I missed you.” He mumbles as he crawls across the sheets towards you. 

“You always miss me.” He just laughs when you sit up on your elbows to smile at him.

“I got us a ship.” He murmurs, you barely get a chance to cover your eyes before his helmet is off, his mouth on yours as he climbs on top of you. 

“Where’s it taking us?” You gasp out when he finally pulls back, tugging at the latches on his armor as he sits up on his knees. 

“Wherever we want. It’s a cargo ship, making multiple stops throughout the outer rim, we’ll be able to get off whenever.” You listen, eyes still shut, counting as each piece of armor is set on the floor until the last one is off. 

“What about our great escape? What’s the story?” His knee slides between your legs as he crawls back on top of you, holding himself above you so you have to strain your neck to kiss him. 

“The princess ran off on her own volition. She was unhappy for a long time and finally couldn’t take it anymore.” He pulls back just enough that you can’t find him without your sight, whining as you slump back against the pillows. “Elaine will spread whatever rumors she needs to to make it true.” 

“What about her loyal Mandalorian bodyguard?” You reach up, opting to just pull him down to you instead of trying to find him yourself. 

“He was embarrassed, ran away with his tail between his legs because he accidentally lost the princess.” He lets you pull him against you, his face finding a place under your jaw, his stubble brushing against your neck as he does. 

“Didn’t realize he was such a coward.” You let out a breathless laugh as his chin brushes against a particularly ticklish part of your throat. 

“Apparently he was a real baby about that kind of thing.” You feel a soft bite emphasizing his words as his teeth graze your skin. 

“What a shame.”

“Truly.” He ends the back and forth when his mouth dips between your breasts, licking a strip of the skin there before sliding lower. “Do you have any other plans tonight?” 

You just cleared your whole schedule. 

“Nope.” 

“Perfect, I thought we could do some married couple practice?” He lifts your legs up, resting them on your shoulders as he presses several tender kisses to your thighs. 

“Married couple practice?” You’d do just about anything he wanted you to right now as long as he doesn’t stop what he’s doing. 

“Well we’re gonna be married in just a few days, we should probably practice.” There’s a brief shuffling as he tosses his gloves aside before hooking a finger on your panties, you’re waiting for him to tug them down but instead you just hear a few rips and feel his breath against your mound. 

“I don’t exactly get what that entails…” Your words are shaky as he runs his thumb along the crease between your thigh and your cunt. 

“Well I was thinking all day, you know, while I was busy missing you.” He finally puts his mouth on you and it’s barely enough. His fingers spread you open as he leans forward, placing a single chaste kiss onto your clit that makes you jump a bit. 

“Of course.” Your voice pitches up a bit.

“And I was thinking about how I’d probably come back here and we’d talk a little like we normally do, and then we’d probably have sex like we normally do.” He still doesn’t put his mouth on you, you just feel his breath against you, making your pussy ache and your clit throb. 

“So far so good.” Are you even speaking loud enough for him to hear you?

“But then I realized that we’re gonna be married soon, so I thought we should probably start acting like it.” He leans forward just enough for his nose to bump against your clit.

“Yeah?” Your hands tangle in his hair in an instant. 

“Yeah. You know, typical married people things, I ask you how your day was, you tell me it was fine, and then we have boring married people sex.” He tilts his head to the side a bit, just enough to relieve any of the pressure against your core as you try desperately to pull him into you. 

“What is boring married people sex?” You ask, strained and breathless. 

“You lay on your back and I do my thing until I finish inside you, because married people have kids, that’s what they do.” Finally, finally, his tongue drags along your seam before dipping into your weeping hole, your back arching as you groan. 

“Obviously.”

“You probably won't finish, I’m pretty sure that’s part of it.” He mumbles against you before pressing his tongue deeper into you. 

“Well that doesn’t seem fair.” Your eyes are squeezed shut as he works you open, slowly, your cunt leaking as he laps at whatever he can. 

“Marriage is all about compromise.” He pulls back, a little breathless himself now before wrapping his arms around your legs, nuzzling his face between your legs before wrapping his lips around your clit, leisurely sucking until you can’t hold back the obscene moan that forces its way out of you. 

“How is that a compromise?” You finally manage to grumble through your haze, the coil in your stomach tightens just as he comes up for air, resting his head on your thigh. 

“I don’t know, it just is- dank farrik- missed you- your taste.” His own voice is nearly as needy as your own as he leans back down into you, his tongue swirling around that little bundle of nerves until you feel like you're about to explode. 

“Being married… sounds awful.” Your chest heaves and your thighs tighten around his head as he sinks two fingers into you, briefly pulling back with a small gasp. 

“We’ll make it work.” He curls his fingers, chuckling when you tighten around him. 

“Maybe that’s the compromise.” You muse as he flattens his tongue against your clit.

“Making it- making it work?” You’re so fucking close, if you could just get him to stop talking and focus you’d be able to finish. 

“Yeah, maybe the compromise is making boring married sex work for both of us.” You stammer again, desperate for him to just send you over that edge. 

“I suppose we could try that.” He flicks his tongue against you one last time before withdrawing his fingers, you whimper the moment he does. “Are you going to come?” He knows exactly what he’s doing, and that you are. You nod with a breathy whine and he pulls back entirely, sitting up. 

“If you want me to marry you you better stop whatever it is you’re doing.” You spit the words out quickly, desperate to pull him back in. 

“If you want to come you better not make jokes like that.” He teases but you know he’s incapable of denying you anything. 

“Fine, fine, just- come here.” You hold your arms out towards him and he eagerly crawls back into them, slotting himself between your thighs as he spreads your legs wide to accommodate him. You arch your back and shift your hips to the best of your ability, trying to get some kind of relief against him but he pulls back just enough to prevent it.

“How was your day?” You can feel his grin as he leans down, kissing along your jaw slowly as you paw at his chest.

“It was great, wonderful.” You gasp out as you feel him drag the head of his cock through your folds, coating himself in the abundant wetness there. 

“Now ask me about my day.” He notches himself at your entrance, not pushing in just yet but enough to make you squirm in an attempt to take matters into your own hands unsuccessfully. 

“I’m gonna kill you.” Your voice is already ragged and strained at this point but when he still doesn’t move you sigh. “How was your day?” The moment you finish your sentence he pushes into you in one smooth motion, burying himself to the hilt with a groan from both of you. 

“It was fine.” He mumbles before almost immediately finding a rhythm, pumping himself inside you with deep deliberate thrusts. His forehead presses against yours as he lets out a breathy whine. 

This certainly doesn’t feel boring. 

He takes hold of your hips, raising them slightly so he can angle himself to slam against your g-spot, twisting your body until you let out a particularly strained moan and he knows he’s found it. Your brain is already mush just from the sheer speed at which he started fucking you, giving you no time to adjust, so all you manage to mumble is his name. 

“You- you want me to fill you up? He rasps out.

You nod for a moment until you remember the darkness that you’re both in and you manage to find your voice.

“Yes, please.” Your hand slips between your legs as you begin to rub slow circles into your clit but he takes your wrist and slowly pulls it away.

“I- I wanna see if- if you can come just like this.” He stammers out as he continues jackhammering into you, purposefully pushing himself into your g-spot as your walls flutter around him. 

“Din…” You whine but he just keeps at it. 

“I bet you can, I bet you’ll come when I do, when I fill you up, when I’m spilling out of you.” Your head is spinning from the repeated stimulation as he continues to focus on that sweet spot until you’re both falling apart. He’s exactly right. He comes first, snapping his hips forward until he’s nestled against your cervix. And when he’s done he slowly fucks his cum deeper into you, reveling in the lewd wet sounds and it only takes a moment more before you finish as well, gasping and strangling his cock as you clamp down on him. 

When your breathing settles he turns onto his side, holding you against his chest before mumbling a sleepy I love you, so much. The two of you have been laying in silence for quite some time when you finally speak up. 

“You know, married people sex is subjective.” 

“Hmm?” He hums softly.

“Any sex we have after we’re married is married people sex, because we’ll be married people.”

“Mhmm.” He sounds like he’s barely awake but you just keep going. 

“I don’t know why you assume it has to be boring.”

“Mmhm.” He continues to hum against your chest, a low rumble. 

“Do you spend all your time away from me coming up with over complicated ways to put a baby in me?” You finally blurt out with a laugh, rubbing his back as you do. 

“It worked, didn’t it?” He finally sits up a bit and speaks, his voice is heavy with exhaustion. 

“Maybe I spend all my time thinking about the same thing and you just make it really easy for me to get what I want.” You’re still laughing softly. 

“Does that mean you want to have more boring married people sex?” The fatigue in his voice dissolves quickly. 

“Only if you stop calling it that. We aren’t boring married people and we are never going to be. We’re just going to be married people.” 

“Mmm, I can make that work. Do you want to have more married people sex?” He starts to sit up on top of you again but you put a hand on his chest, pushing him so he’s laying down on his back. 

“Absolutely I do.” You straddle his hips before reaching out into the darkness to take his face in your hands. 

☆

Today is the only day you’ve woken up sad since Din proposed. 

Today you have to say goodbye to your favorite part of Naboo, the people. When you wake he’s already dressed, attaching the last of his armor before helping you up. 

“I thought you might want to leave early, so we can spend as much time in the city as possible.” His voice is still thick with sleep as you get to your feet. 

You tell Leo to bring you as many coin purses as he can before you leave and he returns with five rather hefty bags of credits that Din slips into his bag before you head out. You go through the usual process, bracelet and all the other hubbub before you begin your walk through the streets. 

There’s a dull ache in your chest as you look around at the people. Your people. 

The thought of never seeing them again, and never getting a chance to really help them. If you were queen you could do something about all of this, but you can’t stay long enough to do such a thing.

So you settle for this. 

You hand out credits to anyone who will take them, saving a bag for Vivian's family. You embrace anyone who will let you, and you hold the hands of everyone you give credits to. And once four bags are empty you go to Vivian’s store and you play with Theo, and even though she protests for the better part of an hour you give her the fifth coin purse. And when the sun starts setting you hug her. 

And you fight the urge to say goodbye because it doesn’t matter how much you trust her, no one can know that this is your last time visiting the city. 

When you leave the store it’s clear how upset you’re becoming about all of this so Din takes you to the markets just as the sunsets and you get to see the changeover. You can’t technically go to the Lunar Markets without your cloak, it wouldn’t be a good look for a princess to be wandering through such a taboo place, but you stand just outside the first street and you watch all the lights flicker on. 

Each string light going on at its one speed, dazzling flashes of light all dancing through the air until the entire street is illuminated.

It’s beautiful. 

Yet you don’t feel better. 

You just feel sad. Because you’ll never get to see it again. 

So you walk, quietly with Din, back towards the castle. 

“You’re upset.” His voice fills the silence almost immediately as you walk the empty street back. 

“A bit.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t do anything. I’m royalty, I should have helped these people when I had the chance to.” You sigh, resting your shoulder against his.

“You did the best you could.” It sure doesn’t feel like it. 

“And it still wasn’t enough.” 

“You did more for them than any other member of the royal family has done in decades.” You have to fight the urge to take his hand in yours after that. 

“You always know what to say.” 

“Aren’t you that bitch from before?” A voice breaks through the small moment of peace and you and Din both turn quickly to see a vaguely familiar face. “Didn’t realize that you were royalty, doesn’t seem like much of a guard for a princess, one guy.” He nods at Din who immediately steps in front of you, silent. 

You squint, trying to recall where you know him from when two other men step out from a nearby alley, flanking him. That’s when it clicks. 

You recognize his welding goggles. And his greasy black hair. 

He had accosted you many moons ago, in the market, Din had knocked him flat on his ass for it. Din takes a few steps in their direction, deliberate and deadly. It doesn’t matter how capable you know he is, you still don’t like the sight of him going up against a group of three. 

“Look man, this doesn’t have to be a problem, we’ll even pay you for just a couple minutes with her.” The one you recognize quips and you feel sick at the insinuation. 

“I’ve never been with a princess.” His friend on the left sneers and you instinctively take a step back. That’s all it takes to send Din over the edge though, you don’t even see the first hit, he moves so quickly. You just see the guy on the left hit the street, a gush of blood shooting out from his nose. 

The other two hop into action immediately after, both standing with their arms held up defensively but it does them no good. 

The one on the right is stupid enough to strike first, his fist hits beskar and he stumbles back with a yelp. Your eyes go wide when Din kicks his legs out from under him, he follows the first man as he hits the ground, his head knocking against the stones, in an instant he’s out cold. 

You gasp at the suddenness of it all. 

The one with the goggles loses all his bravado in an instant, he turns and you’re sure he’s about to run but he doesn’t get the chance, Dins hand wraps around his throat and he’s on the ground beside his friends, except he isn’t as lucky as his friends because the Mandalorian doesn’t relent. He boxes him in with his legs as he kneels, his fist slams against the other man's face repeatedly and your ears fill with a sickening crunching sound. 

In all honesty you aren’t worried about anyone but Din right now, it isn’t just the man's face that’s making the breaking sounds, it’s his fist as well. 

You rush over to them and put your hands on Din’s shoulders, he stops immediately before turning to look at you, his shoulders relax immediately and he reaches for you but he winces when he wraps his hand around your arm. 

“Sorry, I don’t know what came over me.” He whispers softly and you nod.

“It’s okay, but we should go.” You rub his back a bit as he stands. 

“I just need a second.”

“Okay. You nod, watching as he leans down, whispering something in the barely conscious man's ear, you don’t catch a word of it but when he’s done he stands and you both begin walking back towards the castle. 

☆

“I’m okay, I promise.” He groans as you usher him into the cabin. You’ve been fussing over him the entire walk back. 

“Being married means not lying about this kind of thing.” You snap back at him as you open the door. 

“I’m not lying, trust me, I’ve had much worse.” You know it’s true but that doesn’t mean you aren’t going to worry. 

You frown, having him sit at the kitchen table as you carefully pull his gloves off, both knuckles are jagged and bloody. 

“Kriff… do you have a first aid kit?” 

“I promise, sarad, it’s fine.” 

“Marriage means compromise.” You glare at him as he sighs and you cross your arms in front of your chest.

“Fine. In the fresher, there’s a loose board in the cupboard, pull it back and bring me the case that’s in there.” You cock an eyebrow at him before hurrying off to follow his instructions and sure enough you find it, a small metal case. You return to the main room, setting the box down on the table, watching as he fumbles with the lock. He flips the lid open before sliding the box over to you. Your jaw goes slack as you stare at several vials of bacta. 

“Why do you have so much of this stuff?” You cringe at the memory of having to apply the sour substance to your split lip.

“For emergencies, which by the way, this is not.” You grab one of the vials as he gestures at his hands, uncorking it and dipping your finger into the slimy liquid before taking his hand in yours, applying a thin layer to it, watching the blood slowly mix with the bacta in crimson swirls. 

“You’re hurt, this is an emergency.” He just sighs, letting you do your work, not even wincing one as you do so. When you’re done you recork the vial before putting it back in the case and returning it to its hiding place.  

“Thank you.” He whispers when you come back to him, kneeling in front of the chair and helping him out of his armor as he keeps his hands on the table. 

“What was that?” You grin up at him as he sighs again.

“Thank you.” He says a bit louder. 

“You’re welcome.” You take the last of his armor off before standing. “Now come on, let’s lay down.” You wrap an arm around his waist as you walk to the mattress, helping him down as you keep his hands away from the sheets before laying down beside him, resting your head on his chest. You lean over and flip the lamp off before settling in beside him. 

“Did you have a good day?” He whispers against you as you lay your head on his shoulder. 

“I had a sad day, but it was still good.” 

“I’m sorry you had to see that.” He mumbles in the darkness, his tone quickly turning to one of shame. .

“What? The fight? You were just doing what you always do, you were protecting me.” You let your fingertips roam across his chest in small circles in an attempt to soothe him. 

“I should’ve- I shouldn’t have snapped like that. You shouldn’t have seen me like that.” 

“Hey. I want to see you like that. I want to see all the parts of you, not just the pretty ones.” He doesn’t respond, and for a moment you have to wonder if you’ve upset him, but then you feel his chest rise and fall sharply a few times. Your hands fumble around until you find his face, the apples of his cheeks are a bit damp as you run your thumbs across them. 

You aren’t really sure what to say. So you just go with what you know will make him understand just how okay everything is right now. It hasn’t been an easy week so far for either of you. 

“I love you.” You whisper before leaning down to kiss him, your mouth thankfully finding his. “And I can’t wait to marry you.” You lay back down and feel his arms tighten around you, after a few minutes his breathing steadies out and you know he’s okay. 

“I love you too.” Is the last thing you hear before you both fall asleep. 

☆

One last dinner with Kodo and then you never have to see him again.

That’s what you keep reminding Din as he tries to convince you it isn’t necessary, to which you remind him exactly what happened last time you didn’t attend dinner. Not that you aren’t just as worried as he is, of course you are, you’re just internalizing it better. Most people probably spend the day before their wedding stressing, it’s only natural.

So that’s exactly what you do today.

You stress.

You pace, and you stress until the sun is setting and Din is trying to persuade you one last time into not going which you ignore before the two of you walk the familiar trail to dinner. 

You never know what to expect when you walk into the dining hall, but today you couldn’t be more pleased to find Kodo positively swamped. With his fathers condition worsening a fair amount of his royal duties now fall under his son's jurisdiction. He doesn’t look at you or Din when you arrive and you’re thrilled when you see they didn’t set the table for dinner. The entire room is silent save for Kodo scribbling something on a piece of paper, when you go to sit he raises a hand and you stop dead in your tracks. 

“No need to sit, this will be quick.” He stands and you feel a sudden urge to stand behind Din, to put something between you and Kodo but you resist. “My fathers condition is worsening, that is the only news I have now I must be off.” He snaps and a servant helps him put on his coat as you watch in stunned silence, he shoots you one last glance before walking out the door. “That will be all.” And just like that he’s gone. When the door shuts behind him you can’t help but burst into a fit of laughter purely spurred on by your disbelief as Din walks you out of the room.

It was just that easy.

You’d spend hours stressing today and it was that kriffing easy. 

You’re grinning ear to ear when you turn to Din once you’re safe and out of the dining hall. 

“We never have to do that again.” Your voice and excited whisper. 

“Never.” He repeats, you can practically hear his own smile. 

“Can we go home now?”

“Home?” He looks behind him before wrapping an arm around your waist. 

“Sorry, the cabin.”

“I still haven’t fixed the bed frame you know.” He’s still walking you in that direction as he says it so you just laugh.

“That’s okay, I don’t mind.” 

“Then let’s go home.” 

And that’s exactly what you do. And when he opens the door to let you in you realize with a profound sadness that this is your last night in the cabin. A place that is the closest thing you have to a home here on Naboo, besides Din. But he’s a person, not a place. This is your home. His home. You can’t help but wonder if the sorrow is getting to him too, leaving is hard, no matter how much you hate certain aspects of this planet there will always be parts that you love.

But you don’t want to be sad the night before your wedding. 

So you do your best to clear your head.

“Aren’t we supposed to spend the night before our wedding apart?” You tease as you kick your shoes off, eager to just go to sleep, turns out spending all day being worried is exhausting. 

“Why would I want to do that?” He’s taking his own armor off, turning to glare at you. 

“I don’t know, tradition?” He helps you out of your dress and you quickly climb into bed.

“That’s not my tradition.” He lays beside you and you on the mattress, groaning as he kneels to crawl in beside you. 

“Lights off?” You whisper as your fingers trace the edge of his helmet. 

“On?” His voice is soft and hopeful and you smile before promptly closing your eyes, the action is swiftly followed by the sound of his airlock. He kisses each of your eyelids before your lips, pulling you into him completely. 

And he loves you like it’s the last time he ever will. 

He makes every time feel like the first time with how gentle he is with you, even when he’s being rough. There’s always the tiniest spark of tenderness to him. 

But tonight is different.

Tonight he loves you like he’s loved you his entire life. 

It isn’t another first time, this time feels like the thousandth, like he knows your own body better than you do. Like he still loves it even after all this time. His hands can’t hold enough of you, his mouth can’t savor enough of you, and his cock can’t fill enough of you. He chases more and more, wanting only to make you happy, to unravel you and wind you up just so he can do it all over again. 

However you want it. 

That’s what he says when you climb on top of him, sinking down on his length with a groan. So you do it exactly how you want it, which is every way. He takes whatever you give him and you give him whatever he wants. And when he gasps in your ear the single word, posed as a question, inside? You nod, pulling his face closer to kiss his cheek.

“You don’t have to ask, you can just do it.” You murmur, and he does. 

A part of you knows just how reckless that is but it matters less now that you’re leaving. Any children who would be born from this union no longer have to live in fear of your current technical husband, because they won’t be anywhere near him by the time they’re born. 

So you let yourself stop being afraid of that possibility. 

And you let Din love you.

☆

Today’s the day. 

Your day. 

It feels perfect already, the sun shines in through the small windows, you’re still tangled in each other when your eyes flutter open. Based on the way his breathing sounds you know his helmet is still off so you shut your eyes, letting your head rest on his chest as you relax against him for a few more minutes. 

It’s going to be a hard habit to break after today. 

Not looking. 

Shit. 

By the end of today you’ll have seen him. You’re meeting him at the chapel before the sunsets, and you’ll be off planet before morning. And in between that you’ll look. You’ll know every part of him. 

You feel him stir, his breathing picking up just a little as he lets his hand wander up and down your spine. 

“Good morning, sarad.” He murmurs, leaning down to kiss the top of your head. 

“Morning.” You kiss his collar bone, squeezing whatever parts of him you can get your hands on. “What time do we have to start getting ready?”

“Lysa will help you get ready and Elaine and I will set up the church. We have to explain our circumstances to the pastor.” 

“Like tell him that your bride is married?” You groan, just wanting to stay in bed with him.

“Like tell him I’m marrying some random servant girl, but more importantly tell him no one will see your face during the ceremony because of the creed.”

“Is that a real thing?” You sit up a bit, remembering to keep your eyes shut just in time.

“Not at all, but he doesn’t know that.”   

You pull each other close, your movements synced as you do. 

“Are you ready?” His tone is light but you know that if you said no right now he wouldn’t be bothered, he’d wait. It’s a good thing you’re more than ready. 

“I have been for quite some time.” 

The two of you stay like that for quite some time, for as long as you can actually, until Elaine is banging on the cabin door. When that happens you both sit up quickly, Din helps you dress and in just a few moments you’re both ready. 

The next time you see him will be at your wedding. 

You both stand by the door, unopened, when he takes your hand. 

“I love you.” He brings your hand to his chest as he says it.

“Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum.” You do your best with the pronunciation, trying to mirror how he says it. 

“I will know you forever.” He whispers out and you tilt your head to the side. “That’s what that means. It’s our version of I love you, but it means I will know you forever.” 

You squeeze his hand on last time before dropping it and lifting his helmet just enough to kiss him once. 

“I will. I have big plans to know you forever.” You smile at him one last time before opening the door, Elaine and Lysa waiting outside. 

☆

After Lysa walked you back to the castle things were a bit of a whirlwind. 

It was a long arduous process, she insisted on making you perfect one last time. Her sentiment made your heart clench so you allowed her this, considering it a parting gift, one last day staring into the vanity. 

She spends the day getting you ready in every way possible and you spend the day missing Din. 

Until she gets to your hair and you finally speak up.

“Can we leave it down?” You clear your throat and turn to her as she nods. 

“Of course.” 

Despite how much time Lysa has spent dolling you up you’re happy to look in the mirror and see you. Clear as day. Not some unrecognizable woman being dressed to the sake of her husband, you just look like you. 

When the sun is finally beginning to set outside your window she helps you into your dress.

Elaine really outdid herself. 

It’s simpler than some of your other gowns but it’s exactly what you wanted. The dress isn’t wearing you, you’re wearing the dress. You’re standing in the full length mirror when Lysa produces your veil, helping you clip it into your hair so your face will be completely concealed. 

“It’s time to go.” She whispers as she adjusts your dress once, smiling gently at you.

“Could I have a minute alone?” You whisper back before she nods and rushes out, shutting the door silently behind her. 

You lift the veil and look around the dimly lit room for what will be the last time. Your hand subconsciously wanders up your necklace, you twist the ring hanging there between your fingers as you open the closet door, flipping on the lamp to stare at the bed you’ve made. 

You sort of wish you could bring it with you. Your little blanket bed. But you know better than that. As much as you’re going to miss it, after today you’ll have a real bed. A shared bed, with your riduur. 

So you say a silent goodbye to this bed. Your first shared bed. And you leave to find Lysa. 

☆

You know the plan by heart. 

Lysa will walk you in. It’ll be a quick ceremony and then you will get your things from the cabin and leave. 

Simple.

Easy. 

The church is nestled in the woods, only a few servants ever attend but it’s a quaint little place, covered in vines as you stand outside the large wooden entryway. This is it. You will walk out of this church married to a man you actually love. Just as the sun hits the horizon you know that’s your cue to enter. You take Lysa’s arm, holding her close as she pushes the door open. You’re holding your breath as you look around the church, waiting to lay your eyes on him.

Empty. 

You tense up, your grip on Lysa tightens immediately as you both step inside. 

Completely barren. Not even a pastor. 

“They must be running a little bit late.” You can tell by the tone of her voice that she is just as uneasy as you are right now.

Din wouldn’t be late. 

Not to this. 

“Let’s wait a few minutes, they’ll be here soon.” She insists before walking you into the church, you both sit in one of the pews. 

You wait.

And you hold her hand and you wait.

You wait until the sun is completely set and you’re both bathed in darkness before you can’t take it anymore and you stand abruptly, pulling the veil from your hair and handing it to her. 

“Go back inside, hide this, I’ll take care of this.” You walk with her back to the entryway with small frantic steps. 

“Ma’am, are you sure-”   

“I’ll find them.” You give her a reassuring smile, one that brings you no comfort before watching her rush back in the direction of the castle. The moment you know she’s far enough away to not hear it you finally let out the sob that’s been building in your throat. You don’t have time to break down right now though, you need to find Din. 

He didn’t abandon you.

Your mind wants to go there, a part of you whispers that he’s left you all over again but you know with absolute certainty that that isn’t possible. 

Something happened. 

So you search. 

Your heart threatens to burst from your chest as you begin your hunt. 

You go to the cabin only to find it just as you left it this morning. You wade through the waters, silently letting your eyes scour the darkness before you run through the gardens. Yet you come up empty once again. Not so much as a trace of either one of them. 

So you go to the only other place you can think to look. 

The place you had told yourself just a few hours ago that you’d never go back to, and you return to the castle. It’s desolate when you search the halls. Not so much as a guard in the dark stone corridors. It makes your stomach twist in knots. The rooms are empty, and the lights are off. 

What the hell happened?

Your lungs burn from the constant running but you can’t stop now, you won’t stop until you find him, and if you search every corner of the castle and he isn’t there then you’ll start searching the rest of the planet.

Whatever it takes. 

It probably won’t come to that though, you quickly realize when you finally find a room with the door cracked and the lights on. Any sense of relief it brings you is gone in an instant though as you realize what room it is. 

The dining hall. 

Your feet carry you towards it before your brain can comprehend what’s happening and you slowly push the doors open, stepping inside. You have felt a range of temperatures since your arrival on Naboo but right now all you feel is a blistering cold that smothers your flesh and bones. 

The table is set, and as is the case on all nights where you’re expected at dinner, Kodo sits in his usual place. 

Except this isn’t a night where you’re expected.

And he isn’t the only one sat at the table. 

Elaine sits on one side of him, looking like she’s about to be sick, Leo on the opposite side, downright refusing to look at you. You feel like you’re going to pass out the moment you see them and you can’t help but note the fact that Kodo’s guards aren’t here. 

“Don’t you look lovely.” The nasally bellow of his voice fills the entire hall as you take a step forward. It takes all of your focus to keep yourself from trembling as you stare at him.

“Did I forget we were supposed to have dinner?” You keep your voice surprisingly steady considering the circumstances. 

“You didn’t get my invitation?” His voice drips with malice as the doors behind you promptly shut, his tone is enough of an indicator that there was no invitation. 

This isn’t some coincidence, you didn’t just happen to stumble upon Elaine and Leo dining with your husband, no. 

It’s an ambush. 

“I must have missed it.” You murmur. 

“Take a seat.” He says it like it’s an offer but you know better than to refuse, not now. You sit at your usual spot, every muscle in your body is tense as you look across the table at him. “Tonight was supposed to be a celebration.” His face contorts into a sneer as he stares right back at you. “But I’m afraid our night has been ruined by some rather upsetting news.” 

Maybe you should just run. 

His guards aren’t here, you could probably outrun Kodo, especially with how much adrenaline is coursing through your veins right now. 

Not without Din.

“Are you okay?” He doesn’t sound concerned, the question burns a hole into you, what could he possibly mean by that? 

“I’m fine.” You swallow the lump in your throat, turning to look at Leo, and then Elaine, Kodo following your eyeline the entire time. 

“Don’t worry, she can’t hurt you, not anymore.” 

“I’m sorry?” The more confused you get the more the feeling of suffocation in your chest grows.   

“Your servant, she can’t hurt you anymore, I was actually about to dismiss her right before you arrived.” Your brows furrow as you try desperately to make sense of any of this and he grins. Teeth fully on display as he smiles at you from across the table. “You don’t know?” 

“I’m sorry, my prince, but I’m not sure about anything that’s happening right now.” Might as well say it, maybe it’ll get you some answers. 

“No need to apologize, not after what you’ve been through.” 

You know better than to ask a follow up question to that. 

Something is terribly wrong and it would be best to learn as much as you can before giving away any of your own knowledge. 

“Leodall told us everything.” If it’s possible for Leo to somehow look at you less, he manages to do so when Kodo says that. “You don’t have to worry about any of it now, I’m going to take care of everything.” Nothing about the faux soothing tone he takes on relaxes you, you’re getting more and more upset with each passing second. 

“What did Leo tell you?” The bewilderment in your voice isn’t an act as you fight to keep your voice from cracking. 

“About the Mandalorian, dear wife.” 

It’s a good thing you weren’t holding a drink, if you did it would be on the floor. You don’t have anything to say, any words you might have to say die in your throat. 

“We retrieved him from his quarters and he confessed to everything.” Kodo’s eyes raise briefly as he gauges your reaction. 

Din confessed. 

“Everything?” When you find your voice that’s the only word you can manage to produce as your stomach churns at the thought. What did they do to him to make him admit what the two of you have done? 

“It’s better this way, there’s no need for a trial.” He takes a sip of whatever dark ale fills his glass. Maybe your last act of defiance should be to aim the vomit rising in your throat at him, or at the very least at Leo. “Thank the gods Leo found that book, who knows how long this would have continued if it weren’t for him.” 

The Smitten Paladin. 

You knew you were forgetting something. 

Maybe there isn’t enough time to run but you could definitely jump across the table and strangle Leo, it probably wouldn’t even be that difficult. 

Or maybe you should just beg. 

Kodo is a man of ego, if you appeal to him maybe he’ll spare Din. That’s unlikely though, the best you can hope for now is a swift death for both of you. Should you just beg for that instead? 

“I confessed as well, to all of it.” Elaine turns to stare at you, she looks pained and Kodo’s smile drops the moment she speaks up. 

“There’s no need for that.” He hisses, his chair squeaks as he stands but she isn’t deterred. 

“The Mandalorian and I both confessed to our crimes, I’m sorry.” Elaine is strong. The entire time you’ve known her that’s been the word you’d use to describe her, but right now she just looks small. 

“That’s enough.” His voice rings through the hall as he snarls at her. “You’ve done enough.” But she doesn’t stop, tears form in the corners of her eyes as she reaches a hand towards you. 

“Mando told them what he did.” Her words become more and more rushed as Kodo begins to walk towards where she’s seated. “We told them all of it, what he made you do, how I helped him keep you quiet, how he took advantage of you.” Her voice is strained and broken as the loud crack echoes throughout the room when Kodo’s hand comes in contact with her face.

“Not another word.” He growls, his eyes icy and cruel, his hand still raised in silent warning. 

How he took advantage of you. 

Oh Din. 

He didn’t. 

You just stare at her. The weight of the world is starting to crash down on you bit by bit as your heart begins to beat frantically. 

Kodo sighs loudly before returning to his seat, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You’ve ruined the big reveal.” He mumbles before looking back up at you. “Might as well get to your present since she’s ruined the surprise.” 

This can’t get worse. 

That’s what you’ve been consistently repeating to yourself as this dinner has carried on yet somehow it does. 

Everything gets worse when Kodo calls out for his guards. 

Six battle droids enter from the door behind Kodo, but you barely have eyes for them, you don’t have the brain capacity to notice them because you only see him right now. 

Your Din. 

Din who would do anything for you. With his hands cuffed in front of him, his ankles attached with a short chain. Din who is pushed to his knees, a man who should never be in such a position before anyone who isn’t you. Din who only looks at you, even now. 

Din who made up a lie, to protect you one last time. 

Your Din.  

There isn’t a facade you can put on now, nothing can hide the anguish on your face as you stare at him, you aren’t exactly proud when it consumes you entirely. 

And you vomit. 

The tension in your chest finally bubbles over and you expel the contents of your stomach onto the table. Nobody moves, only you, hands gripping your chair as your chest heaves. You’re vaguely aware of Kodo standing beside you now, he’s speaking but you don’t hear a word, you only hear a ringing in your ears until you look at Din, who nods at you, just once, and everything comes back into focus. 

“He can’t hurt you.” Kodo’s voice is sickly sweet in your ear as he hands you a handkerchief from the table set up, giving you a moment to wipe your mouth as you fight back the urge to be sick all over again. “His restraints are state of the art, it doesn’t matter how much of a fight he puts up, he isn’t getting out of them.” 

Your brain is trying desperately to come up with some genius plan to get all of you out of this but you're coming up empty. 

There is nothing. 

“I’m thinking guillotine.” Kodo’s voice is a whisper now as he bends down to speak to you. 

“You do public executions on Naboo?” Your voice matches his in volume, but your eyes never leave Din, he’s struggling against them, but six battle droids? It wouldn’t matter if it was six Mandalorians. 

“I’m the king now, I can do whatever I want.” 

“Tonight was supposed to be a celebration.” 

Oh. 

“Defiling the queen is considered an act of treason in my eyes, so yes, it will be a public execution for these two.” He points at Din and then Elaine and at this point you have a headache as you try desperately to make the pieces of this demented puzzle fit together. You take a shuddering deep breath. 

Leo found the book.

He told Kodo.

Kodo had Din drawn and quartered. He would have been with Elaine, she was taken as well.

He told them he took advantage of you. 

That he defiled you. 

So you would be guiltless. 

And Elaine corroborated his story. 

Said she helped him. 

They had saved you.

And now they’re going to pay for it. 

“Why don’t we see the traitor’s face, guard?” Kodo’s voice tears you from your mental gymnastics as he snaps, pointing at Din and you can’t help it as you shoot up to be standing. 

“No!” The word is punched out of your chest, all the air leaving your body with it. 

“No?” Din stops struggling as everyone turns to face you now, Kodo’s question rings throughout the room as you try to come up with something, anything, to stop this. 

“You wanted to surprise me? Then we should wait, we should save the reveal.” Your words are rushed, you will do anything to keep that helmet on his head right now. 

“The reveal?” Kodo hisses.

“No one’s ever seen his face, we shouldn’t waste this opportunity on some random dinner.” Is this even worth it? At this point you’re probably just getting yourself killed. 

Now no one speaks. You finally manage to tear your eyes from Din to turn and face Kodo. 

“We should save it.” You whisper, you don’t even care if this gets you killed, you just want to keep his helmet on his head until you can figure out how to keep his head on his shoulders. 

Kodo’s sneer turns into a smirk.

“What a good idea.” You let out the breath you’d been holding in. “Maybe you aren’t completely bland, wife.” He puts a hand on the small of your back and you manage to keep yourself from recoiling. “Well then, I think we’re done here.” He whistles, once, clear and sharp and a pair of guards take Elaine by the arms, dragging her away but not before you manage to shoot her one last look of gratitude for what she’s done for you.  

  You finally look back at Din. 

Thrashing against the hold that the droids have on him until they yank him up into a standing position. 

What you wouldn’t give to be able to say anything to him, even just a single word.

“You don’t have to worry about him anymore sweet wife, it’s over.”  Kodo’s words are hot and vile against your ear as he puts a hand on your shoulder, hovering over you as you watch Din being dragged out of the room. 

He puts up one hell of a fight, one final reminder of just how strong your Mandalorian is, it takes all six of Kodo’s droids to keep him down. 

You don’t like the sight of it. 

There’s something fundamentally wrong about Din being overpowered.

You manage to swallow down the sob that threatens to rip through you as you get one final look at him as the doors slam shut, you fight the urge to recoil when Kodo leans down to plant a kiss on the top of your head.

“Your little nightmare is over.” He mumbles, his voice filled with an underlying joy. 

It’s just started. 

i no longer have a tag list so follow @lincolndjarinnotifs for updates!!

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Ginsei Souma Story

Well, this is the last of these stories that I can translate. The fanbook's got 5 other stories - four being associated with the seasons and one extra I don't know enough JP to understand what's it's about... and I'm too lazy to mtl the title (plus I don't remember which of those have/haven't been translated, and am also too lazy to check that right now since im driving myself crazy trying to download video stuff 😅).

Anyway, I don't know what I'm going to translate next month, but I should have more free time then so I'll hopefully get back to creating a backlog of translations... though if I don't, I guess I'll do things week by week, or whatever my schedule allows (sorry but r/l priorities>tl unfortunately hahaha).

anyway, this story was originally published in B’s Log 2020年9月.

enjoy!

Hakuoki Ginsei B’s Log 2020年9月 Souma Short Story “Fumidzuki (文月)” [meaning the 7th month]

Translation by KumoriYami

During the start of summer, at the beginning of July

The days completely felt like summer, but the evenings/nights were still a bit cooler.

"...Ah, speaking of which, today is Tanabata [Star Festival]."

I was patrolling headquarters, and stopped in front of the bamboo branches decorating the inside of headquarters.

The bamboo of the Tanabata were decorated with paper strips and streamers, which were made by Toudou-san and Harada-san to properly celebrate/enjoy Tanabata.

…While I stood there, lost in thought, as I stared at the bamboo, a voice came from behind.

"Souma-kun? Good work on your patrol/Patrol must be exhausting."

"Ah... Yukimura-senpai. It's quite late, so why haven't you gone to sleep?"

"It's been getting very warm at night and I couldn't sleep. so I'm cooling off while reading these tanzaku [the pieces of paper that wishes get written on during Tanabata]."

Yukimura-senpai stood beside me, and looked up towards the bamboo/looked up hopefully at the bamboo [*same note as the eighth next line].

"This tanzaku, is it Nagakura-san's? It says "I want my swordsmanship to reach the pinnacle.""

"Ah, next to Nagakura-san's is Nomura's. Although he doesn't he say that he wants to win against the executives, he still wants to beat me."

As I watched this scenery swaying in the wind, I abruptly asked with interest.

"Senpai, what do you wish for?

"Huh?"

"As expected, you still want to find your father as soon as possible and return to Edo with Kodo-san…."

"Of course I wish for that…[though] I asked for something else on my tanzaku. I wished that everyone would be healthy."

Senpai had a slightly forced smile as she looked up at the sky [ the word for 'looked up' here can be interpreted so that this says "looked up at the sky hopefully"].

If you looked up, you could see that the night sky had spread like after the tide receded, and how silver skies flickered as they formed the Milky Way [or something. confusing structure].

"There were many people injured during the patrols, and apart from that, with the sudden heat after Tanabata, the number of people getting sick has also increased. We should look for countermeasures."

"...Senpai really is like a doctor."

"My level of knowledge is only to the extent of what I've heard about."

Senpai was very humble, but I didn't think like that.

I had seen Senpai learn how to tie bandages, studying medicine and do other things when she's not doing chores...

I also know that when Matsumoto-sensei visits, he teachs her together with Yamazaki-san.

And most importantly, she acts with kindness, which is essential for a doctor.

"Water needs to be drank frequently, and the time and place of practice/training needs to be changed. Although various types of assistance can be obtained…"

I open my mouth to ask Senpai who was reflecting on the problem.

"For cooling off in the summer, what about this? It's something the Chief specially prepared for Tanabata."

"This is...?"

What I brought out was a very small wind chime.

The sound that reverberated in the night wind was very crisp.

"It might just be a matter of mood, but it becomess cooler when you hear that sound."

"Nn... I think it's great. It's incredible how just one sound can make such a big difference."

It's wonderful.

---end---

[kurayami-no-ko]

Translation of Sannan’s short story from the Hana no Sho booklet

Note: @kumoriyami-xiuzhen was the raw provider of the booklet which was called “Hakuouki Shinkai Hana no Sho Tokuten Shousasshi”. This short story was one story included in that booklet.

This is my first time translating something from Japanese to English so I have some confusion in regard to the meanings of many phrases in Japanese and how best to translate them. I have some friends whom I am really grateful for helping me with some phrases I don’t understand properly, though. I tried to keep as close to the original as possible, but I occasionally tried to capture the meaning of the sentence instead of the exact dictionary meaning of the word.

It is a nice short story so enjoy!

Short story from the Hana no Sho booklet

“Hahhh…”

After letting out a tiny sigh, the man looked up from the half-read book. This man’s name was Sannan Keisuke. He used to be a general secretary of the Shinsengumi and after that, he became in charge of the dark and hidden Rasetsu corps. Now he had left Japan and was now traveling through many European countries.

The purpose of this was to find out how to rid the body of the toxic effect of ochimizu, the detestable medicine that had made great change to the fate of him and the Shinsengumi.

Ochimizu was originally a medicine introduced from the West. Because of this, the people of the West might know how to counteract the medicine, or at least that was their assumption…

(It seems like our hope was overly optimistic…)

Though Sannan was somewhat confident about his knowledge, he knew next to nothing about the language of another country. While living in Europe, though he could work hard in order to understand daily conversation, he struggled to read old books.

(At this rate, when will we be able to uncover the secret of ochimizu?)

After letting out another dejected sigh, Sannan closed the half-read book and quietly stood up from his chair. Because his concentration was interrupted, he thought that it would be better for him to take a rest to refresh his mind.

At this place, though they would only stay in this lodging for one night but luckily, tonight, there would not be any other customer so they could be at their leisure.

Thinking that way, he went to the other room and opened the door…

“Oh my…”

When Sannan saw the sight of a figure lying on the bed, sleeping soundly, he held in his breath.

The person with such an innocent sleeping face was Yukimura Chizuru. That was the woman that he had brought with him from Japan.

She was the daughter of the man who had introduced ochimizu into the Shinsengumi, Yukimura Kodo and now, was the most important woman to him.

Held in her hand was the dictionary of this country’s vocabulary. However, the dictionary did not translate the words into Japanese but rather, explained this country’s vocabulary in simpler terms. Because of the influence of her father, who was educated in Dutch medicines, she had some knowledge about Dutch studies but in order to reach the same level of proficiency as in Japanese, she would have to put considerable time into it.

Because there were marks on important seeming words, he could see that Chizuru had keenly perused it.

(If she had stayed in Japan, she would not now be having to go through such hardships…)

If she had stayed in Japan, she would be able to live like a normal town girl. This girl had crossed the ocean and travelled to foreign countries where she could not communicate in their language. The worries and fears simmering in Chizuru were no normal worries and fears.

(However, she insisted on staying by my side and went with me.)

Though he could not express his feelings into words, his heart overflowed with emotions.

When he was tormented with the thirst for blood, and, in a sudden instant, it seemed like he would fall into darkness, she had provided him with immeasurable support. Chizuru being by his side was the reason why he had preserved his sanity until this point.

(Maybe I need to express my gratitude to her in words but… waking her up when she is sleeping so soundly will be such a thoughtless action.)

After thinking for a little bit, Sannan quietly leaned towards the side of the bed.

She must have slightly felt something as the eyelashes fringing her closed eyes slightly fluttered, but it seemed like she was not going to wake up.

Sannan slightly closed his eyes and gently put his lips next to her lips.

Through the gentle touch, their warmth came together. Just like that, he kissed her as softly as the movement of a ripple.

Just by touching someone he loved, his formerly calm heartbeats started to become faster.

(Who would have thought that a young girl like this can have such an effect on me…)

While smiling bitterly inside, he thought about that.

Since he became a rasetsu, he thought it would be impossible for him to give his heart to someone.

Back then.

“…?”

Suddenly realizing something unusual, Sannan stared at Chizuru’s sleeping face.

She was trying hard to pretend to be asleep, but her face was blushing and her tense lips were tightly pursed together.

Sannan poked lightly at that cheek with his finger.

“You should not pretend to be asleep, Chizuru. Open your eyes.”

“…”

“I have become aware that you are awake. You should put a stop to your bad acting. Now.”

Thus urged, she gave up pretending and fearfully open her eyes.

“…I am sorry. I woke up midway but because of that thingy, I could not open my eyes.”

“That thingy? Perhaps, you did not like it?”

“It is not like that…! It is just that, it was so sudden that I became surprised.”

“So, from now on, I had better not do that thingy anymore right, right?”

Thereupon, Chizuru looks so dispirited to the point of being pitiful and she was shrinking.

“Keisuke-san is just… mean…”

That look increasingly stirred up Sannan’s mischievousness, but it seemed like she was not aware of that fact.

He drew Chizuru’s small shoulders closer while whispering.

“…It is going to be cold tonight. To prevent you from getting a cold, let me warm you up.”

“Ah…”

Her body seemed to quiver from embarrassment.

“What is your answer? Chizuru”

“Please, please do it…”

Being satisfied with that answer, Sannan once again put his lips on hers.

“Umm…”

While receiving the kiss, the girl’s lips were still quivering from confusion.

Whenever they arrived at this step, so many times had they stopped here, hesitating and their resolve wavering.

So, this time, he would harden his resolve… Not for a second time would he dwell on leaving her side…

(It seems like I am no longer able to live without you. From now on, no matter with happen, I will not leave you, Chizuru.)

As his mind came to such a decision, he turned off the light in the room.

My thought: I really wish they had included this short story in the game proper instead of only making it a short story. It is such a good short story that tells such an important moment in their relationship, and I can already imagine how good CG would be or how good Sannan’s voice would be when he told Chizuru to open her eyes. I also like the dynamic and how Chizuru is the one who probably wants the sex more, but she is too shy to say it while Sannan is the one who is more forward but is actually the more hesitant one. It is a bittersweet dynamic but is also very interesting.

[fictionkinfessions]

🍀 we came here to vent a bit and ended up seeing the new ask game and haha,,

isn't this fun timing? because we all woke up from a distressing nightmare akin to a horror movie, mainly centered around the fact we couldn't breath and possibly paralyzed or held down as well haha

actually, i think it was, an exomemory of mine? or at least, a weird amalgamation of it,,, it was mainly that time in middle school i believe, when i got kidnapped by a serial killer,,,,

well, suffice to say i kind of, dissociated, i think i still am, but i could feel P's distress in trying to intake air in the shared nightmare, P's,,, i don't know where P went,,? they're here, they're helping us move the body, but their thoughts are blank,, sorry P

+it's fine, Nozomi. not your fault.

oh, they're here, thank god,, my only wonder is,, what caused it,, what triggered the memory,, we were doing fine,, it was a good day even,, what,, Kodo?

♠ I Did Not Like It. I believe it was triggered because our gender dysphoria had been piling up, all three of us and the fact that we had to wear a bra that was too tight for the whole week and it manifested into this nightmare. We did not have time to feel uncomfortable due to work and exhaustion and it accumulated to this.

I Hate It. It reminded me too much of the constricting fabric we had to get used to when going out in public, we are Staying Inside this weekend to recover.

+let's try to sleep again. please.

- Nozo & Kodo [#Hope🍀] [#Bored♠♦]

[lonita]

Things to Be Happy About

I can't remember when I started keeping this list - maybe about a decade ago? It migrated to a notebook that started falling apart, then to a much nicer notebook that hasn't fallen apart yet. It's grow by leaps over the years, as I've added things to it as they came to me - things and people and lyrics and happenings and quotations and all manner of what brings a person joy. There's only one rule: no negatives. Nothing can be phrased in terms of something unpleasant. If it can't be said nicely, it doesn't go in the book.

a good cup of tea

anticipation

knowing that you are heard

weekends

the patterns made on walls and pavement by the shadows of leaves in the sun

road trips

a good night's sleep

the company of friends

Lego

real maple syrup on your pancakes

finishing things up

starting new things

clean windows

warm sand

October skies

tulips

good lighting

hope

marathons of your favourite TV shows

the patterns on a turtle's shell

finger painting

floating in water

labyrinths and mazes

puzzles

taking pictures

ragtime

postcards

boxer shorts

corn chips

imaginary friends

crunchy peanut butter

clean hair

being able to touch the people you like

crop circles

reading to people

being read to

the smell of fresh lemons

the little pop when you bite into fresh peas

walking barefoot in the grass

cream cheese

the silence of the world just after a nighttime snowfall

pine cones

spaghetti and meat sauce

the vibrations of instruments with strings

smooth beach pebbles and glass

big floppy hats

home

lightning flashes

clean hands

the sound of tires on wet streets

a shoulder to lay your head on

"And it's only the giving that makes you what you are" - Jethro Tull

lime green

getting tipsy with good friends

petting a cat

a comfortable pair of jeans

walking the city late at night

being trusted

colourful band aids

jazz and blues at 3 a.m.

odd earrings

Ma

coloured glass

truths

gogo boots

the shade of a large tree

swimming pools at night lit only by floating candles

the sound of a bouncing basketball

the crack of a bat against a baseball

wrapping presents

the small of onions cooking

a farmer's market

playing with clay

climbing trees

deserts and other desolate places

squishing the filling out of a doughnut

clean teeth

standing in the shower thinking

borscht

freshly made bed

a single flower as a gift

phyllotaxis

the freakiness of the dreams you have during naps or a fever

silver jewellery

having someone to take care of you when you need tending

singing along

the weight of a string of pearls

going through the Tai Chi set

Cary Grant's delivery in "North by Northwest"

travelling by train

yellow highlighters

notebooks to write in

book lights

Stompin' Tom

listening to baseball on the radio

old train stations

the grey silence of dawn before the birds sing

puns

joie de vivre

bald heads

making mixed tapes/CDs for people

Moody Blues at night or morning

gladiolus

walking barefoot through a downpour

whistling tunes

faffing about

sitting in the park

noble acts

dancing with abandon

the way music echoes around a foggy dawn

a juicy, sweet navel orange

feeling so unfettered that you are young again

whispering

coffee with lots of cream and sugar

being foolish

peppermint-flavoured candy

mushrooms

"I swear I can hear the sea." - James

spending silences together

melted cheese

looking at things reflected in water

kodo drumming

St. Alban's Cathedral

cheering for the home team

the laughter when I realised, after being told about it, that you really can hear the trains when watching Mariners' games

dictionaries

construction paper

text messages for no reason

leaf-scuffing

the Belfast accent

kitchen parties

"Bron-Y-Aur Stomp"

the old plaza area between the Art Gallery and Hamilton Place

wearing hats

being philosophical

when my feet touch Cape Breton soil

the meditative contentment of Gregorian chant

getting your passport stamped

subways

being able to see myself in my grandmother's face

the smell of springtime

making summat out of nowt

when you can attach someone to a piece of music that is important to you

books

limericks

the surprise upon realising that someone really does understand it

Spirogaphs

playing word games

old Bond films

fans on a hot summer day

cultural festivals

knowing the chemicals that cause the colours of fireworks, and not having that knowledge dampen the prettiness

the microfibre cloths I clean my glasses with

green tea cologne

interconnectedness

blowing bubbles

smoke rings

campfire cooking

collage

little things

grand gestures

standing in defense of another

sitting on rooftops

clothing that doesn't need ironing

when shared mundanities are not dull

sporks

burnt marshmallows

rare steak

ziggurats and pyramids

the relentless yet sustaining nature of the sea

celebrating birthdays

that I was so overwhelmed when I saw the "Ode to Joy" performed live for the first time, that I cried from start to end

curling into a comfy position, closing one's eyes, and listening to someone talk

dollar stores and junk shops

shared joy

finding the Lemonade Ladies at the park

happy face stickers

the right turn of phrase

Key Lime pie

my lightbulb shaped lamp

the smell of the ocean

a snuggly comforter

"As you wish."

watching raindrops tickling down window glass

falling into the deep, soft snow

nephelococcugia

music of fiddle, penny whistle, and drum

mixing paints on a palette

decency

the pliability of the English language

visiting your first school after 30 years

comfortable habits

when you realise the signifance you have in the lives of others and are humbled by it

the humourous results of badly translated Kung Fu film dialogue

mathematical constructs

strange loops

that things can still touch me and I can still be undone

the unexpected shapes one finds in rocks when they are viewed from certain angles

"In love, fear, hate and tears, sit down next to me." - James

buttons

[alledherlu-q-pereon]

Poll of Springfield

So, late at night, a few nights ago, I was wondering how the bellwether town of Springfield (the #Simpsons Springfield) would vote in the upcoming Presidential election. Political junkie that I am, I had to get up from bed and go over to my computer and figure it out.

Though I did my best to ask every member of the Springfield Community how they were going to vote, some refused to answer and no doubt I missed a few too. If you have any suggestions or you think anyone would vote differently, or if you can think of more fun quotes from residents of Springfield about this election, please post below!

Note: I even asked residents not of voting age, or who lost the right to vote due to previous felony convictions, and included their answers below, but not in the final poll tally.

Topline results:

Hillary Clinton 44%

Donald J. Trump 35%

Gary Johnson 6%

Other 4%

Undecided/Refused 11%

Homer J. Simpson

Though he wanted to vote for Trump, Marge said she’d never sleep with him again if he did, so that’s how he became a Democrat. Of course, it’s a pretty good bet he’ll punch the wrong button at the polling station as is his custom, so if he goes in wanting Hillary, we’ll count his vote for TRUMP!

Marge Simpson

HILLARY

Bart Simpson

“Deez-nuts” Note: not of voting age and won’t be counted in poll results.

Lisa Simpson

“Well, at first I wanted Bernie Sanders. He was so dreamy! Then, when he lost I thought I’d vote for the first female President, Dr. Jill Stein! She would ride in on a magical pony and free all the animals from circuses and make everyone vegan. Then I realized I’m supporting Hillary Clinton.” Note: not of voting age and won’t be counted in poll results.

"Grandpa" Abe Simpson

“I’m voting for Cal Coolidge! I like him because he’s quiet.”

Patty Bouvier

HILLARY “Of course I’m voting for the woman!”

Selma Bouvier

HILLARY.

Montgomery Burns

TRUMP “Well, he wasn’t my first choice, but at least the young orange-haired young man isn’t a communist!”

Waylon Smithers

TRUMP Gays for Trump!

Moe Szyslak

TRUMP “I know how this works, see. I get in for Trump now and he lets me name a drink after him and charge twice as much. That’s why I like him, an honest politician.”

Barney Gumble

Passed out, no answer

Kent Brockman

HILLARY But I need to be discreet about it, being a card-carrying member of the media elite. That and I don’t want Trump’s goons to beat me up.

Mayor Quimby

HILLARY I’ve been with Hillary from da start! Bill and I used to hang out…”

Lenny Leonard and Carl Carlson

Will cancel one another’s votes, Lenny is leaning Trump and Carl is leaning Hillary

Krusty The Clown

Member of the Springfield Republican Central Committee, JOHNSON, “Oy, this is the choice I have? I’d never vote for her, and what’s he doing with the anti-Semitic retweets and hey, I’m supposed to be the clown here.”

Doctor Hibbert

Member of the Springfield Republican Central Committee, TRUMP “Well I liked Dr. Ben Carson, but I suppose Trump will do.”

Ned Flanders

Undecided “Oh lord, how did we wind up with such diddly awful candidates? I think I’ll just write in Ronald Reagan.”

Kang and Kodos

“TRUMP! We want Trump to be subjugator of the masses!” Note: not of voting age and won’t be counted in poll results,

Comic Book Guy

JOHNSTON “Well I liked Bernie of course, but now I like Gary Johnson. Polar opposite? Methinks not.”

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

HILLARY “Oh my goodness, even though I am Hindu not Muslim I do not think that Mr. Trump knows the difference. He is a very bad man.”

Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon

HILLARY

Seymour Skinner

HILLARY “mother says it’s Hillary. And anyway I think Trump wants to get rid of the Department of Education.

Chief Wiggum

TRUMP “I like a man who stands for law and order.”

Jasper “Bill Clinton”

Captain McAllister

HILLARY “Har, Hillary I guess, she looks mighty good to me after three months at sea...”

Otto Mann

JOHNSON “I was feeling the Bern, but I’m a one-issue man, and I like the guy who wants to legalize weed and give it out to everyone! Oh wait, he doesn’t want the government to give it out? Maybe I’ll go Hillary then!”

Bumblebee Man

HILLARY “Si yo soy ciudano Americano. HILLARY HILLARY HILLARY. Por favor dios HILLARY!”

Snake (Jailbird)

“Oh, election time?” (cannot vote due to priory felony conviction)

Old Gil Gunderson

TRUMP “I just signed up for his Trump University, I know this is my ticket! This is the right program for me to finally launch my success! Finally Ol' Gil is gonna make it!”

Sideshow Bob (Robert Terwilliger)

TRUMP “I appreciate the complex intricacies of his simple mind” (not counted, convicted felon)

Fat Tony’s cousin who looks just like him

TRUMP “My other cousin did business with him in Atlantic City.”

Ranier Wolfcastle

Member of Springfield Republican Central Committee, TRUMP “Of course I vote for Trump! He veel be strong leader and make us great again!”

Superintendent Chalmers

HILLARY

Agnes Skinner

HILLARY “It’s about time they let Hillary tell Bill what to do”

Bloodsucking Vampire

(From Springfield Republican Party Headquarters) TRUMP “He vas my choice all along!” (not counted, vampires can't vote)

Groundskeeper Willie

Unknown “Ain’t nobody gonna get outta me who Willie’s voting fer!”

Cletus

TRUMP “Gosh he’s gonna make ‘Merica great agin! And he’s one of them millionairres I seen on TV”

Brandine (Cletus’s wife)

TRUMP “I seen him on TV!”

Hans Moleman

Undecided “I think a giant meteor. Whoever I vote for loses anyway.”

Sideshow Mel

Gave a whistle when asked

Professor Frink

HILLARY “She’s a woman of bzonga SCIENCE and of course with the climate change and the stem cell research, HILLARY!”

Squeaky Voice Teen

HILLARY “Well it’s my first election, so of course I liked Bernie but now I guess I like Hillary?”

Judge Constance Harm

TRUMP

Judge Snyder

HILLARY

Lou and Eddie

Will cancel one another’s votes, Lou is leaning Trump and Eddie is leaning Hillary

Reverend Lovejoy

Undecided “Oh lord, please give us other choices.”

Helen Lovejoy

HILLARY “I just can’t vote for that potty-mouthed Trump.”

Kirk and Luann Van Houten.

HILLARY

Blue Haired Lawyer

Member of Springfield Republican Central Committee, TRUMP

Rich Texan

TRUMP “I liked them Bush boys better, but Trump’s a hellavalot better than Hillary!”

Bernice Hibbert

HILLARY

Disco Stu

HILLARY “I was with Bernie all the way man, but I guess I’m with her now.”

Luigi

Trump no lika the immigrants! Luigi izza immigrant too! He no wanta pizza on every corner?

Duffman

TRUMP “TRUMP will make America Great, oh yeah!!!”

Doris Freedman (lunchlady)

HILLARY “I like her school lunch program.”

Frankie The Squealer

TRUMP “The bosses cousin did bidness wid him. It was that casino project down in Atlantic City, the one that guy disappeared at, the one on the Boardwalk, ya know? but you didn’t hear it from me.”

[duraxxor]

Truth + What's the worst part of being on Azeroth?

A belch left the jaws of the beast as he covered his mouth, clearing his throat. " Excuse me... I -ahem- believe there was something in my drink... I think I'm going to have to change the reserves a bit... " T'would seem his favorite bottled beverage was filled with something foreign but not poisonous. It was when the question graced his ears that he'd find himself narrowing his eyes, almost in a drunken phase of unlife. A twisted chuckle escaped him before he smacked his own knee. " Azeroth? Oh gods be damned. Where do you fuckin' start? I have lived five hundred plus years and never in my life have I seen so much Kodo-shit happen in the past fifty years we've been on this god-forsaken soil. Don't get me wrong... -hick- I enjoy having something to always direct my blade or attention to but... we went from dragons and elementals, to the Burning Legion, Arthas the Asshole, A dragon that was quite literally falling apart at the seams, to Garrosh Hellscream being a dictator, which by the way I had loads of fun stomped through Orgrimmar watching those orcs waste their time and lives for that racist glory-hound! After all, death isn't prejudice, is it my friend? Now where was I... " He paused a moment before hiccupping again. " ... Oh yes right! How could I forget Garrosh forcing a time paradox that should've never happened, Burning Legion 2: Space Boogaloo! It wasn't until Windrunner began dismantling the Horde with her own ideals that I started to see some semblance of the old world but NoooooooOOooooOOOooo... It was all part of the Jailer's master plan with a hint of N'zoth tickling our fancies. You really know what sucks the most about Azeroth?! Why is this sleeping baby of a Titan always the target? What is so special about this blue ball? And how come he? She? It? I don't know? How come they haven't woken up as much as we've bled them dry? Are they more of a masochist than I am or some shit? " The crimson gems of his eyes rolled at the very thought of a planet being a masochist more than a being of flesh and death. How ridiculous!

[ Enjoy the Truth Serum deluxe @nixalegos ! ]

[autofictophile]

Anyone who wants a kodo deserves a kodo. Love, hate, marry, fuck, kill... anything goes! Kodolovers are very cool and deserve a fine kodo to be with. Goodnight!

[nymphiria]

⁀➷｡ B!TCHMADE!

♡ — commander!arashi keizo (benkei) ⚘ MINORS DNI!

⇢ cw: dubcon, daddy kink, dumbification, exhibitionism, bondage, punishment, dacryphilia, dom!benkei, sub!reader, degradation, spankings, some mean benkei, some praise, creampie, pussy slapping, breeding, power imbalance, slut shaming, use of the nickname “princess”, pre black dragons!

୭ ~ from juno: welcome welcome! this writing is to celebrate my 1k followers milestone! thank you to everyone who voted for our lovely benkei! it’s my first time writing for him so it was certainly something fun to do. enjoy~!

“you only think with your cunt, don’t you?”

that was the first thing you heard once you were shuffled into the cold room of what you assumed was the gang’s hideout. the second was harsh footsteps pounding their way towards where you were being held. the last was your heart jumping out of your chest in uncertain fear.

you fucked up big time. you only had one job and you couldn’t even do that right. a trusted member of Benkei’s gang — you were to gather intel on the activities of the leader of the Kodo Rengo syndicate Wakasa Imaushi. this was supposed to be your one opportunity to prove yourself to be more than a pretty face. once you pried all of Wakasa’s information out of him, you would gain tons of respect and authority! you would’ve showed them all!

unfortunately, instead of ending with glory and praise, it ended with Wakasa’s hands up your skirt and his tongue down your throat. teeth marks, tousled hair — you even still have the marks on your knees from where he forced you to take his cock with your face pushed against the floor. that’s probably what gave away your activities when you reported back to your division’s captain.

silly of you to think he’d go easy on you just because you’re a girl. a false hope that maybe he’d make you run errands or work tirelessly as your punishment — a stupid thought. if it was a small slip up, maybe, but this involved Wakasa whom your commander had a rivalry with. not only did you fail to gather intel, but you also brought down the gang’s reputation by sleeping with said rivaled commander. a great price needed to payed for a mistake this big.

hushed whispers and deep laughs filled the room as you waited anxiously for your commander to continue speaking. once a simultaneous silence covered the room, you knew Benkei had ordered them to quit talking. the dim light peeking through the blindfold was quickly replaced by a dark shadow towering over your smaller frame.

“i asked you a question. you’re in no position to ignore me, right now. don’t you get that?”

a deep shiver ran through your body when the blindfold was roughly torn off of your eyes. it took you a moment for your eyes to adjust to the light, but once they did you were met with the grimacing face of Arashi Keizo. a frown is usually on him — today it’s especially deep. knowing you were the cause of it had your stomach falling out of your ass. stuttering over your words, the only response you could give was a “y-yes sir!” that had the present members chuckling.

“well, well. it speaks! you can actually use your brain to form a sentence, after all. good,” Benkei grunted. “now, why don’t you tell your brothers why you’re here today, princess. you’re shaking so you must know why.”

“i-i messed up the task you gave me, sir! i’m so sor-”

the sting of a quick slap soon arose onto your cheek — the force of it turning your face sideways. before you could turn back to face Benkei, he was gripping your face in one hand to hold it towards your division’s members.

“i didn’t ask for a damn apology. tell them how you fucked up.”

tears welled up in your eyes as you choked out a “i-i slept with waka! ‘nd didn’t get any intel”.

when he finally released your face, he moved his hand up to weave his hands into your hair and yank your head back hard. the cry you let out was quickly swallowed by Benkei pulling you into a harsh kiss. eyes widened in shock — you didn’t even have time to react before he was pulling back. a whine escaped your throat making him laugh.

“you really are a slut. that’s alright, pretty. we’ll show you what we do to sluts like you around here.”

the burn of the binds keeping your arms in place didn’t hold a candle to the sting of your ass. giant red hand prints decorated each cheek — painting it a rosy hue that faded into your hips. the tremble of your legs as you were bent over Benkei’s time did nothing to deter him from stopping. in fact, it only seemed to spur him on every time you whimpered and spasmed when his hand came down on your ass.

“now, repeat what i told you to say one more time, baby.”

your mouth stuttered open, “ ‘m a brainless slut! only here to make boys feel good!”

“now that’s a good girl.”

the swats on your ass finally stopped and you let your legs relax. he lifted you up effortlessly and turned you to where your back was pressed against his chest and his legs held yours open. the cold air hit your pussy as you tried to press your thighs together to save some of your dignity. the same men you spent time with and worked with were the same ones watching Benkei manhandle you. the same ones who were staring at your exposed pussy and round tits like perverts.

once you were still, Benkei used his thick fingers to softly rub your clit until you were mewling. squelching sounds filled the room as he toyed with your drenched pussy. he couldn’t let you enjoy it too much, though. this was a punishment not a reward. 3 harsh slaps — each one has you squeaking with pleasure and pain in his hold. it was cute, he thought. would you make that sound when he bullies his cock into you? he wanted to find out.

big hands went from slapping your cunt to stretching you open for him. one held your pussy apart and the other took his cock out of it’s confines. with a leaking and twitching tip, it was the biggest dick you had ever seen in your life. bigger than all of your ex-boyfriends and definitely bigger than Wakasa. Benkei knew that — he was proving something not only to his men but you as well.

he was better than him in all places.

the stretch of his cock when it first entered you knocked the breath straight out of your chest. the further he pushed, the louder you got. he was only halfway in and you thought you could feel him in your stomach. when he was fully sheathed, he absolutely was in your stomach. the small bulge on your tummy showed he was too much for you to take.

one, two thrusts later and Benkei is pounding you like you’re a toy. each time he bottomed out, you could feel your brain turning to mush as he hit your sweet spot every time. he knew this, too. he wanted to make you braindead on his cock.

“shit, he must not have stretched you out. pussy still feels brand new,” he grunted, tightening his grip on your hips. this was supposed to be a punishment but it was turning out to be a reward for both you and him. he’s never felt a pussy so tight and inviting — he might be hooked. your cries of his name slowly morph from blabbers to moans of “d-daddy!”.

scratch that. he’s definitely hooked. he planned to fuck you and then give his gang a turn, but not now. hell no. now that he’s had a taste he wasn’t giving it away. not to his gang. not to their friends. and sure as hell not Wakasa Imaushi. if he finds him, he’ll have to thank him for fucking you with his little dick. he never would’ve gotten to be in this position if he didn’t.

a few more moans and Benkei can feel his balls tightening up — your pussy was milking him so good that he was going braindead. he brings his fingers back down to your clit to get you to your peak. once he’s sure you’re cumming so hard you can’t think, he’s spurting his hot seed straight into your womb. both of your heavy pants fill the room as you tilt your head back to give him a dazed and sleepy look.

he might have to send Wakasa a “thank you” card.

[misssquirrel]

The rules: Answer 20 questions and tag 20 other blogs you want to get to know better.

Tagged by: @prograb47

Name: Netty

Pronoun: 🤔her/she/me/it/them

Zodiac: The Stinger

Height: 5'7"

Nationality: Middle Earth... What...? I can't dream!!??

Fave band: don't really have a fave. It is hugely dependant on my mood. Besides I have a wide range of likes, from Thunder to Clannad, Airborne to Evanescence, Feist, The Pierces, Thomas Whynn, all the way to Kodo, Buddhist chants and classical.

Fave artist: Again... I like many, but I'll go with Marc Chagall.

When did you create your blog: About 8 or 9 yrs ago

Last thing you googled: Journey planner

Lucky number: Don't think I have one

Other blogs: None

Why you chose your URL: Nickname

How many blogs you follow: Less than my counter shows. I keep up with my favourites and sometimes go sideways from one of those

How many blogs follow me: Tbh probably half don't exist or are bots

Average hrs of sleep: 4 to 5 if I'm lucky

Any musical instruments: Nope

Currently wearing: Stitch tee, lounge trousers and fluffy socks... because

Dream trip: Somewhere uninhabited

Fave food: Apples, cream tea, bacon sammich, not necessarily all together

Fave song: Nothing springs to mind right now

I don't like tagging people for this because I don't want to pressure anyone into it, but if anyone I follow that I have had any interaction with would like to play along, please, PLEASE do.

[cardest]

Japan playlist

Are you turning Japanesa? I don’t think so! This, I believe is the ultimate Japan playlist. One of my favorite countries in the world to visit. it truly is a fascinating place in the world. The music from this region is just so. Crazy even! I have been a few times and cannot wait to get back over there again as soon as Crap-19 takes a hike and leaves this planet already. Meanwhile, here is the Japan playlist to keep us happy. Perfect for those of you out there in lock down.

I hope you dig the list of songs I put together. You can even let me know what songs or bands I forgot and let me know! 私はあなたがそれを掘ることを望みます Arrigato! Hit play right here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-iHPcxymC1_IcliLasW5eajllU8pA5Gh

JAPAN

001 Fantomas - 4-30-05 002 INXS - I Send A Message 003 LADYBABY - candy 004 Babymetal - DoKiDoKi MORNING 005 MOMOIRO CLOVER Z vs KISS - YUMENO UKIYONI SAITEMINA 006 The Cure - Kyoto Song 007  Kill Bill Vol.1 - Isaac Hayes - Run Fay Run 008 CHAI - GREAT JOB 009 Mutant Monster -  Barabara 010 Sigh - Inked in Blood 011 The Vapors - Turning Japanese 012 Fantomas - 4-7-05 013 Ocean Machine -  Night 014 Masayuki Sakamoto - Psy'chy 015 Astro Boy - 1980 English Intro Theme 016 Go Misawa - 悪魔人間 (デビルマン) - 不動明 017 Red House Painters - Japanese To English 018  八十八ヶ所巡礼「仏滅トリシュナー 019 Acid Mothers Temple - Floating Flower Shizuku No Youni 020 Ween - Japanese Cowboy 021 Otoboke Beaver - Don't light my fire 022 Gojira's Godzilla Theme Song 023 Cavalera Conspiracy -  Bonzai Kamikazee 024 Ultra Bide - DNA vs DNA 025 David Bowie - Crystal Japan 026 A Flock Of Seagulls - Tokyo 027 Sakura - Cherry blossoms 028 BON JOVI - Tokyo Road 029 Aneka - Japanese boy 030 Endon - Boy Meets Girl 031 Junko Ohashi - Dancin' 032 Ike Reiko - Yoake No Scat 033 Shohjo-Tai - Flamingo Island 034 Chthonic - Kaoru 035 Herbie Hancock - Nobu 036 Akiko Yano - Dogs Awaiting 037 Inoyama Land - Glass Chaim 038 Fantomas -  4-14-05 039 Hide - Dice 040 Japan - Talking drum 041 Sabbat - Samurai Zombies 042 Brian Ice - Tokyo 043 W.A.S.P. - Tokyos on fire 044 UHNELLYS - SWITCH 045 Boris -  LOVE 046 Kill Bill Vol. 1 - Battle Without Honor or Humanity Tomoyasu Hotei 047 eX-Girl - Pretty You Ugly 048 Gonin Ish - Shagan No Tou 049 Banana Erectors - Fed Up With Highschool Days 050 Strapping Young Lad - Japan 051 Yoshida Brothers - Ibuki 052 Zeni Geva - Total Castration 053 Flower Travellin' Band - Satori, Pt. 1 054 MOMOIRO CLOVER Z - GOUNN - 055 Tom Waits - Big In Japan 056 ABIGAIL - A Witch Named Aspilcuetta 057 Sigh - The Tombfiller 058 Marty Friedman-Dragon's Kiss-Dragon Mistress 059 RIOT - Tokyo Rose 060 Fantomas - 4-13-05 061 Guitar Wolf - High Schooler Action 062 Becoming a Geisha - Memoirs of a Geisha Soundtrack 063 Seven Samurai- Ending Theme 064 Miki Sugimoto - Rei's Ballad (Theme from Zero Woman Red Handcuffs) 065 Yoshida Brothers - Rising from Best Of Yoshida Brothers 066 Ruler - Jeanie Jeanie Jeanie 067 Kill Bill Vol. 1 OST - Twisted Nerve - Bernard Herrmann 068 Fantomas - 4-23-05 069 Shonen Knife - It's a New Find 070 Polish National Radio Symphony OrchestraKrzysztof Penderecki - Threnody to the Victims of Hiroshima 071 ACID MOTHERS TEMPLE - Helen Buddha; Miss Condom X 072 Shugo Tokumaru - Decorate 073 PiGu - Bye Bye Honey 074 Hello Kitty Theme Song - Hello Kitty 075 ACUTE -  生き地獄 076 Sabbat - Karmagmassacre 077 Yellow Magic Orchestra - Tong Poo 078 Yojimbo OST -  Main Theme 079 Anpan-man (Red beans bread man)theme song 080 Ex-Girl - The Crown of Dr. Keroninstein 081 Kate Bush - [The Whole Story] Breathing 082 Coffins - Hatred Storm 083 The Books - Tokyo 084 Fantomas -  4-19-05 085 男の一生／松方弘樹 086 Azuma Kabuki Musicians - Dojoji 087 Saxon -  Walking Through Tokyo 088 Kill Bill, Vol. 1 Original Soundtrack - The Flower of Carnage - Meiko Kaji 089 Les Rallizes Denudes - Now is forever 090 G.I.S.M. - Nih Nightmare 091 Mono - Silent Flight, Sleeping Dawn 092 Deftones - Romantic Dreams 093 Strapping Young Lad - Zen 094 Dead Can Dance - Kiko 095 Kinoco Hotel - キノコホテル「キノコノトリコ」 096 Esashi Oiwake - Ensemble Nipponia 097 Naitemo idayoi - bcmomoiro clover 098 Bryan Ferry - Tokyo Joe 099 Suzuki Junzo - Crying Out Double Suicide Blues 100 Iron Maiden - Sun and Steel 101 Kikagaku Moyo - Dripping Sun 102 Fantomas -  4-3-05 103 BARBATOS - Tokyo Rock'N Roll Show 104 BABYMETAL - MEGITSUNE 105 Eternal Elysium - Shadowed Flower 106 The Erections - stupid punk 107 The Seatbelts - Cowboy Bebop (Original Soundtrack 1) 108 Rush - Manhattan Project 109 Today Is the Day - Samurai 110 Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood OST - main theme 111 Japanese War Music - Samurai Battle March 112 Steel Panther - Asian Hooker 113 The Mount Fuji Doomjazz Corporation -  A Place For Fantasies 114 Guitar Wolf - FIGHTING ROCK 115 HEAVY METAL ARMY - That's Hammurabia 116 Michale Graves -  Godzilla 117 Noriko Miyamoto - My Life 118 Loudness - Ashes in the Sky 119 Mary's Blood- Save the queen 120 Mellvins - One Fine Day 121 High On Fire - Bastard  Samurai 122 Shakuhachi - The Japanese Flute 123 Luna Sea - IN SILENCE 124 Tatsuro Yamashita - Sparkle 125 PIG DESTROYER - Kamikaze Heart 126 Tomoko Kawada - Akanegumo 127 Sodom - Kamikaze Terrorizer 128 Carlos Toshiki and Omega Tribe - Sky Surfer 129 TOKKAEBI - cheon mun 130 Pere Ubu - 30 Seconds Over Tokyo 131 Wanda Jackson - Fujiyama Mama 132 Witch Cross - Night Flight To Tokyo 133 F.O.E. - Total Eclipse 134 Coffins - The Frozen Styx 135 Sword of Doom (1966) - Main Theme OST 136 Sigh -  The Transfiguration Fear 137 Yondemasu Yo, Azazel san - Opening song 138 Thundercat - Tokyo 139 GHOST IN THE SHELL O.S.T.2 - i can't be cool 140 Japandroids - No Allegiance to the Queen 141 YAMANTAKA - SONIC TITAN - Hoshi Neko 142 Doraemon 2005 Opening - Sha La La 143 Akira Soundtrack - Kaneda's Theme 144 Anatomia - Morbid Hallucination 145 Traditional Japanese music - Honno-ji 146 Kodo - Lion 147 Tomita Planets - Mercury, The Winged Messenger 148 Yuji Ohno - Lupin The Third Theme '78 149 Ninja Scroll TV Series Soundtrack - Jubei's Theme 150 OKAWARI_BOY show me your space 151 Boris - The Woman on the Screen 152 Sepultura - Kamaitachi 153 X Japan - X 154 L'Acephale - Hitori Bon Odori 155 Zilch (hide) - Inside the Pervert Mound 156 Fantomas -  4-12-05 157 Kodo - Akatsuki 158 Sigh - Hunters not horned 159 Pucca Theme song 160 Tujiko Noriko - Solo - Magic 161 MYSTERY KINDAICHI BAND - THEME OF KOSUKE KINDAICHI 162 Akiko Yano -  クマ 163 Sooo Baad Revue - バッド・レビュ 164 Pharoahe Monch - Simon Says (instrumental) 165 Imaginary Flying Machines - Sanpo (My Neighbor Totoro) (feat. Living Corpse & Yoko Hallelujah) 166 Mutant Monster - kamisama o negai - pv with romaji lyrics 167 Mount Fuji - Neun 168 Kumi Sasaki - Tanchame Bushi 169 Yakuza - Yama 170 Chai - Choose go! 171 Goto Mariko – Drone 172 Blue Oyster Cult  - Godzilla 173 Kinoco hotel –  F No Junkai 174 ASS BABOONS OF VENUS - Jet Unchi 175 James Bond you only live twice OST - Aki, Tiger and Osato 176 PJ Harvey -  Kamikaze 177 BABYMETAL - Awadama Fever 178 Alcatrazz - Hiroshima Mon Amour 179 Tokyo Blade - Warrior of the Rising Sun 180 TIK & TOK - TOKYO GIRLS 181 Queen - Hammer To Fall 182 Nana Kitade - Kibou No Kakera 183 Gallhammer - Blind my eyes 184 Yellow Magic Orchestra - Kai-Koh 185 Chikyuu Kyoumei  Resonance of the Earth 186 Hoodoo Gurus -  Tojo 187 John Waite - Euroshima 188 Tommy Snyder / Yuji Ohno) - ザ・マリン・エクスプレス (The Marine Express) 189 Boris - Riot Sugar 190 Yellow Machinegun - Again 191 Kill Bill, Vol. 1 Original Soundtrack - The Lonely Shepherd 192 Church of Misery - Chilly Grave 193 Jimmy Takeuchi  - Yasuki bushi (Shimane) 194 Yuji Ohno "Andromeda no kanata ni" - (OST - Captain Future) 195 Bo Ningen - Henkan 196 Blood Stain Child - Electricity 197 Crime - Yakuza 198 Tatsuya Yoshida & Satoko Fujii - Feirsttix 199 Ike Reiko - Kokotsu No Sekai 200 Fantomas -  4-9-05 201 David Bowie - It's no game 202 Manon - xxFANCYPOOLxx 203 Sparks - Here In Heaven 204 MAD SPYAIR - samurai heart Gintama 205 Terror Squad - Nightmare Rider 206 Fantomas -  4-6-05 207 Mutant Monster - Hanabi 208 Jimmy Takeuchi - Akita obako 209 NAKED CITY - OSAKA BONDAGE 210 Death Panda theme 211 Crossfaith -  Monolith 212  OMD - Enola Gay 213 Dir en Grey - Obscure 214 LADYBABY Age-Age Money 215 Fantomas -  4-17-05 216 S.O.B. - Deceiver (Napalm Death cover) 217 Jimmy Takeuchi - Time Of The Season 218 Dark Mirror Ov Tragedy - Thy Sarcophagus & Unwritten Symphony 219 Laurie Anderson -  Kokoku 220 THOMPSON TWINS  - TOKIO 221 Electric Eel Shock - Killer killer 222 Kodo - Nanafushi 223 Ningen Isu - Heartless Scat 224 Amachi Shigeru – Showa Blues 225 BlackLab - Insanity 226 TENGGER - achime 227  Riot - Narita 228 Martin Denny - Japanese Farewell Song (Sayonara) 229 LADYBABY - Renge Chance 230 Tokyo Electron  - She Keeps Me Shut 231 Kan Mikami - Anata Mo Star Ni Nareru 232 Kraftwerk - Radioactivity 233 CHAI - N.E.O. 234 Fantomas - 4-27-05 235 Gacharic Spin - Next Stage 236 Loudness -  Crazy Nights 237 David Bowie - Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence 238 The Presidents of the USA -  Japan 239 Fantomas -  4-4-05 240 Kyary Pamyu P - Fashion Monster 241 Wagakki Band - Senbonzakura 242 Deep Purple - Woman From Tokyo 243 Krokus - Tokyo Nights 244 Kyoto - Venetian Blinds 245 Happy End - Natsu nandesu 246 Motohiko Hamase - Plateau 247 Boris - Tokyo Wonder Land 248 Asia - Countdown to Zero 249 Hiiragi Fukuda - Me And My Marshall Amp 250 Marty Friedman -  Ai Takkatta 251 Kodo -  O-Daiko (japanese drummers - Taiko - tambours geants Japon) 252 Sonic Youth - Tokyo Eye 253 Otoboke Beaver - Anata Watashi Daita Ato Yome No Meshi 254 Y&T - Midnight in Tokyo 255 Metalucifer -  Heavy Metal Samurai 256 Urami Bushi - Meiko Kaji 257 Alphaville -  Big in Japan 258 M.O.D. - Godzula 259 Akiko Yano - Hitotsudake 260 Japan - Life in Tokyo (Giorgio Moroder Version) 261 Boris with Merzbow - Sometimes 262 Dragonforce - Power Of The Ninja Sword 263 Fantomas -  4-10-05 264 The Guyver Dark hero Theme song 265 Minami Deutsch / 南ドイツ - Futsu Ni Ikirenai 266 Yukihiro Takahashi - Drip Dry Eyes 267 ZooBOMBS - Doo Bee 268 SIGH -  Shingontachikawa 269 Burt Bacharach - Me Japanese Boy I Love You 270 Kay Cee Jones - Japanese Farewell Song 271 Dhidalah - GRB 272 Kikagaku Moyo - tree smoke 273 The Fall - I Am Damo Suzuki 274 Ryuichi Sakamoto - Thousand Knives 275 Yasuaki Shimizu - kakshi 333 Godiego - The Birth of the Odyssey (Monkey Magic) 666 BABYMETAL -Headbanger

Here are the songs to listen to: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-iHPcxymC1_IcliLasW5eajllU8pA5Gh

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Shinkai Tenun no Shou Stellaworth Booklet "Her Long Day" part 3

The downside to me sleeping early is that I wake up way too early (before 7 am), and as that causes me to feel super tired for most of the day... I've had a hard time staying awake, which causes my attention to detail to plummet like a rock. Anyway, I don't know if I'll be able to consistently translate in October and November since I have a licensing exam that I really need to study for...

I'll worry about that later. Because I am genuinely sleepy right now.

For now, enjoy!

Hakuoki Shinkai Tenun no Shou Stellaworth Booklet "Her Long Day" part 3

Translation by KumoriYami

Wèishí·Nagakura Moment 《13~15 o'clock》

"——Alright, form two lines! Is everyone here?"

"Yes, Captain Nagakura!"

"Then let's hurry up and start today's patrol. Shimada, can you lead the squad?"

"No problem, leave it to me."

"Alright, let's go! Chizuru-chan, remember to not leave my side."

"Yes!"

Following the sound of orderly footsteps, the Shinsengumi Second Division passed through headquarters' gates.

I had completed my morning chores without incident, and welcomed the afternoon...

Today I was going together with Nagakura-san while patrolling with the Second Division.

"I'm sorry, Nagakura-san. I'll be troubling you to take me along for patrol."

"Don't worry about it. You'll be asking the people in the streets today about Kodo-san, right?"

"Yes, although there haven't been any results, I still want to press on."

"It's been hard work for you too. As long as you don't give up, you'll certainly find him one day."

"Yes!"

I obediently followed the team members in their uniformed haori.

Perhaps t was because the Shinsengumi's reputation had increased…

There were no troublemakers in sight, and there was a tranquil atmosphere over the streets.

"The streets of Kyoto have been calm lately."

"Yeah, everything's peaceful, almost as if nothing will happen again… I'm sort of reminded of what happened when I was at Shiekan."

"Shiekan… That's the dojo that Nagakura-san and the others belonged to when you were still in Edo, right?"

"Yeah. Back then, everyone was poor, but everyone was happy every day and their smiles never stopped. Of course, that hasn't changed even now."

Nagakura-san looked up towards with the sky with some nostalgia, and mumbled.

"….In the future, it'd be nice if these days could like this."

"......Nagakura-san......"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Chizuru-chan, I'll only make you feel awkward if I say that. One day, we'll help you find Kodo, so that you as father and daughter, will be able to return to Edo."

"Ah… yes. One day…"

Although I responded like that, I however still felt speechless for a moment, what was the reason for that.

I came to Edo to find my father, and that has never changed.

But lately, whenever I think there inevitably being a day when I have to leave everyone, I feel a bit lonely.

"Sorry, I said something weird. Let's go think eat something delicious later, and not think about difficult things until later."

Nagakura-san smiled as he said that to me, then turned towards the other members.

"Alright, you guys listen up! After today's patrol ends, this Captain-sama will treat you all to dessert from a teahouse!"

"Eehh…? Since you're treating, I'd rather go to a bar!"

"Bastard! I really want to drink…. No way! We have to have something sweet today!"

"Then I want to eat anmitsu. There's a shop that I can recommend going to!"

"Shimada's recommendation is definitely going to be too sweet…"

"You guys… If you complain again, I'm not going to treat you!"

Seeing the Second Division's members laughing and joking around as they walked, I couldn't help but smile/laugh.

"Nagakura-san and the members have a really good relationship…"

I was as happy as Nagakura-san was, as if that was my own matter, and for the sake of not falling behind everyone, I quickly followed them.

Shintoki·Sakamoto Moment 《15-17 o'clock》

"Um, I'm sory, we're looking for someone…"

"....Hm? Looking for someone?"

"Yes. May I ask if you know a bald Western doctor named Yukimra Kodo?"

No. There are many bald monks that I've seen…. but I haven't heard of a Western doctor with that name."

"Is that so... thank you."

I bowed to the owner of the pharmacy and sighed as I walked out the door.

And as I asked around at clinics, pharmacies, and other places related to father work's work while the Second Division patrolled….

"Chizuru-chan, how was it?"

"Ah, Nagakura-san… Unfortunately, there's nothing here too."

The outcome was as I witnessed it, and the hope I had for today was dashed again.

Nagakura-san narrowed his eyes and patted my shoulder.

"In that case… Nn, we'll be walking around in this area, so you can investigate wherever you want as long as you're within my range of sight."

"Okay, thank you."

Hearing Nagakura-san's consolation, I walked up the street again. But I couldn't begin to feel happy.

——Truly, will it be possible to find him.

This worry in my heart has constantly been growing in my heart had lately been dulling my steps.

I've already asked so many people, yet there still wasn't the slightest bit of information, so was it possible that my father has….

“……”

"….Why the drawn face? What a waste to your cute face."

"Huh...?"

"No, your appearance in men's clothes is handsome cute, which ought to be said outright. I'll correct that, and just call you a beauty."

"Sa-Sakamoto-san...?"

In the face of this acquaintance that was publicly known to be an elusive person, I couldn't help but widen my eyes.

"Why are you here...?"

"I just came to find you. I heard that people from the Shinsengumi were on patrol here, so I came to try my luck. It's great to have met you."

Sakamoto-san, who claimed to be a ronin from the Tosa Domain, looked at me with a smile on his likeable face.

"So, why are you feeling so sad? As long as you're willing to talk, I'd be happy to listen?"

"….Uh….?"

For a moment, I hesitated to tell him, the desire to tell someone prevailed, so I decided to speak.

"Actually...."

"——So that's how it is, you haven't found any clue about your father."

"Yes… I've been wondering lately, is it really okay to be continuing like this…"

After listening to me finish worried confession, Sakamoto-san fell deep into thought.

"…Maybe, the means of finding this person/someone are wrong?"

"The means of finding someone… is it?"

If your father went into hiding for some reason, then it's unlikely that he'd be walking down the streets with a bald head and with the characteristics/traits of Western doctor displayed, right? If that's the case, even if you ask around repeatedly, you won't find anything."

"...Are you saying that my father might be disguised?"

"I'm only saying that this is a possibility… that's why, you should try searching areas that aren't just related to medicine."

Sakamoto-san spoke thoughtfully.

"He's a Western doctor, right? Apart from pharmacies, you might also have to search bookstores that sell books related to Western studies, or possibly places that make medical equipment."

"Ah… it's as you say… thank you…!"

Sakamoto-san looked at my inspired expression and used a finger to poke my cheek.

"Although my conjectures might not necessarily be accurate, it's good to occassionaly change your way of thinking. Ah, of course, remember to bring have the Shinsengumi escort you/take along a guard from the Shinsengumi when you go."

"Yes...!"

"In that case, I'd should hurry back before those awful guys appear show up again…. If you want to thank me, go on a a date with me to eat something delicious next time."

"....Um, I'll have to about that carefully."

---to be continued----

reference: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anmitsu

also i almost always spell "publicly" wrong... huzzah for spell check pointing out that error every time that happens...

[halfblood-fiend]

On Humans and Nightmares - Star Trek TOS (with ST: Discovery lore), pre-relationship Kirk x Spock

Taking place shortly after the episode, The Conscience of the King, Kirk grapples with his dredged up trauma and Mr. Spock offers a solution taken from his own past personal experience with his adopted sister.

Words: 4,792

Rating: General Audiences

Warning(s): some hinting to the murder fate of Burnham’s parents, maybe some PTSD if you had annoying/irresponsible older siblings 

Read it on AO3

Jim Kirk sat at the desk in his dimly lit quarters and tried to focus on the words swimming in his vision as best as he could. No matter how stubbornly he stared, the words refused to stay put, to stay sharp. In fact, they seemed rather hellbent in proving this to be an exercise in futility. The reports on the PADDs blurred together in his mind until he couldn’t remember which he had read and approved and which he hadn’t. His itchy eyes and heavy lids were all but begging him to go to sleep. Just get some damn sleep, you miserable fool!

Funny. His inner voice of reason sounded an awful lot like Bones. That thought distracted and amused him for a moment and Jim tried to stretch out his neck and shift in his chair to keep himself awake. Because no matter how badly his body or that inner voice of Bones wanted him to sleep, he couldn’t listen to either.

Or wouldn’t listen to it, as was more the case.

For three days now, nightmares had plagued him. It was silly and childish, and very much not befitting of a captain, to be so afraid of the dark—of sleeping—but Jim thought that if he had to relive Tarsus IV again one more time it might just be the death of him.

Maybe he should have gone straight to Bones for help after the first. If he went right now, maybe he could cajole his friend into giving him some sleep-inducing hypo-spray. Jim considered it…and then dismissed it. The risk of Bones pouring him a glass of whiskey and sitting Jim down to make him “talk it out” was just too great. That was the last thing Jim wanted to do, no matter how good a medically induced death-like sleep sounded. No, he couldn’t risk Bones deciding to do his job this time around. Jim already knew, definitively, whiskey or not, that he did not want to talk about this. What else was there to say about Tarsus that hadn’t already been said before?

Kodos had murdered thousands of people, and then Jim just let him get away with it. Twice. He hadn’t listened to his old friend or his gut and then the murderer was allowed to just…die. All those souls who could never rest easy… Jim had let them all down. Four thousand souls sitting heavy on his shoulders. Like ghosts, they haunted him, plagued him with nightmares as penance for not extracting their justice in their name.

There wasn’t enough whiskey in the galaxy to numb that, let alone in Bones’ stash.

So his perfect and flawless plan to avoid the nightmares? Avoid sleeping.

Jim massaged his eyes with his fingers until black dots popped in his vision. He sat back, yawning, and then the door chime rang. For a heartbeat, he stared at the bulkhead and considered pretending to be asleep, until a nasty thought occurred to him:

Jim had already shirked his duty as a survivor, it would be shameful to avoid his responsibility as a Captain too.

He set his mouth. “Enter,” he sighed.

The door slid open, revealing his first officer in the hallway. Mr. Spock glided inside, his eyes glued to his own PADD. He was already speaking before he had made it fully through the threshold.

“Captain, there seems to be minute inconsistencies in the computer’s analysis of the geothermal data we collected on Al’her V. I wonder if—”

The Vulcan glanced up at Jim for the first time and stopped dead. The look in his eyes made Jim wonder what an awful sight he was, to give his first officer such pause. He tried to give Spock a smile, hoped it wasn’t more of a grimace. “You wonder if?” he prompted.

“Sir…” Spock cocked his head to the side. Jim had hardly known Spock to hesitate when he had something to say, and something in the timbre of the other man’s single syllable made him curious. Jim felt it teetered on the edge of something that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. He stared at Spock’s mouth for a moment, fascinated by it. Waiting.

No, he was thinking too much into it. He was delirious. Jim rubbed his face again and said a quick prayer to anyone listening that his exhaustion wouldn’t give way to impropriety.

At least, not today.

“Captain,” Spock said seriously, appearing to make up his mind, “are you well?”

To tell the truth or to tell a lie? To tell or to lie? There were merits and downsides to both, and Jim attempted to weigh them all quickly in his sluggish mind.

“No, Spock, I…” Jim began… and then lost his nerve. “I’m just tired is all.”

“Tired,” Spock echoed. His dark eyes flicked to the bright green letters of the chronometer beside Jim’s bed and then to the neatly tucked in sheets. Been that way for days. “If you have not slept since our last full shift on the bridge, I calculate that you will not have slept for nearly thirty-six hours.”

“Oh?” It was thirty-eight, actually. If one counted the two hours before their shift that Jim’s last nightmare had stolen from him. But who was counting?

“That is unsafe for a human, and more so for a starship captain. You should consider seeing to your needs for the greater benefit.”

Jim could only find it in himself to nod. He knew that already. He had given the same sort of lecture to himself, but the consistency of the nightmares made it difficult. Even if he did fall asleep, the snatches of rest he got were fitful at best. So, what did Spock know about it? Jim didn’t have the patience right now to listen to this.

His displeasure may have shown on his face, for Spock’s brows knit. He approached Jim’s desk and sat gracefully on the other side of it, laying his PADD aside. When the man spoke again, his voice was gentler, and made Jim’s heart ache in his chest.

“It is something else, isn’t it? Something, perhaps, to do with the travelling theatre troupe? I do realize how the loss of Govenor Kodos must have affected you.”

“How could you possibly realize that?” Jim spat before he could stop himself.

Spock may have appeared unmoved by the venom in Jim’s voice, but he felt immediately guilty anyway. Spock didn’t have anything to do with it, he didn’t deserve to be snapped at. He was even, quite unexpectedly, trying to help Jim.

His heart shriveled up in his chest. He backtracked. “I’m sorry, Spock. I… yes. Kodos or Karidian or whomever he was… his end was…dissatisfying to say the least. I’ve been unsettled ever since.”

“You are dissatisfied with his death?”

“I am dissatisfied with the lack of justice in it.” Jim considered saying more. He considered telling his first officer that it was unfair and frustrating and made him feel like the useless child once again, watching the horror unfold from behind the stands. Powerless once more. But these were all feelings, just raw emotions and Spock would never, either by his nature or by his own desire, understand any of those.

And Jim refused to unburden himself by burdening this Vulcan with his humanity.

Besides, Jim was sure that Spock was sure there was more to it anyway. It was hard to put anything past him. The other man’s interlaced fingers pressed to his lips; Spock’s lovely, deep-set eyes regarded him.

“One would assume you wouldn’t lose sleep over mere dissatisfaction. “

“They’re just nightmares, Spock,” Jim said quickly, realizing that he had to act fast if he wanted to wriggle out of the same impromptu therapy he had wanted to avoid in Bones. “Old faces. Old nightmares. Nothing to be very worried about, but still. I don’t sleep well.”

“Ah.” Spock nodded, more to himself it seemed. “And you hoped that staying alert for as long as possible would—”

“Make me too tired to dream, yes,” Jim finished for him. “That was the idea, anyway. I wish there was a guarantee it would work…”

Spock was quiet a few moments, his brows knit a little while he thought. Jim found himself sleepily taking advantage of the vulcan’s downturned gaze. He hadn’t been this close to Spock for some time, trying to give him the distance he deserved, even though Jim wanted very badly to be near him. Constantly, inexplicably. Vulcans, he knew, didn’t appreciate that. But maybe if he drank in Spock’s face now, Jim could replace his nightmares with far pleasanter dreams. Filled with long steepled fingers and black bangs and dark eyes, curving pointed ears and high cheekbones—Spock suddenly looked up, brightly, for a Vulcan, and took Jim aback. “If I may…Jim, offer something of a solution?”

His name! Jim didn’t think Spock had ever used his name before. He was surprised that he had used ‘Jim’ and not ‘James.’ It was more proper, more expected. Overwhelmingly curious, Jim indicated that Spock continue.

“It has been my experience that humans, as social creatures, garner direct benefits from social interactions. I…knew of another human who often had nightmares in the first several years that I knew her. These dreams went away with time and mental discipline, but a temporary solution could be found once she was no longer alone in a room. It is…an imperfect solution, and perhaps it would make you uncomfortable, but as an integral member of this crew with so many lives at risk, I hope you give it proper consideration, Jim. So, it is by this logic that offer my company in your room tonight so that you may get some clearly much needed rest.”

Jim stared. He couldn’t believe his ears. Spock was offering to—what? —stay the night with him? Keep him company? That couldn’t be right. That seemed...so out of character. Not that Jim claimed to know his first officer very well beyond a spotless service record. Did he make a habit of keeping nightmare-having women company in their quarters? That wasn’t something that was on his file.

There is nothing else for it but to ask, Jim supposed.

“And…just what are you intending to propose? I am…afraid it’s unclear. Forgive me.”

Spock nodded as though there was nothing amiss and Jim wasn’t sitting across from him having an audible heart attack while being prodded with jealousy. “Not surprising given your sleepless state. I am offering my presence for whatever comfort you might take from it. It is my estimation that I may just as easily analyze reports in your quarters as in mine. Only here, I hypothesize I would aid in putting your mind to rest.”

Ah. So…just offering to stay over to be another body in the room. Jim tried to ignore the way his heart shrunk in disappointment.

He didn’t know what his imagination had been on about. That, all-of-a-sudden, Spock would crawl right into his bed was ludicrous.

And yet.

Rubbing his face again, banishing impure thoughts mingled with disappointment, Jim agreed. “It’s worth a shot. Better than what I’m doing, anyway, if I’m being honest. Though I will request that you don’t tell Bones. About the nightmares, I mean. He’d have my head if he knew I wasn’t reporting sleeping problems again.”

“It is my experience that our dear doctor has ‘had men’s heads’ for less, but I will comply.”

Jim smiled. “Bones is just a staunch believer in tough love, that’s all. I…appreciate what you’re doing, Spock. You will…wake me if—”

“I will keep an eye out, Captain, and wake you if anything seems amiss.”

Jim hadn’t missed the way Spock had switched back to his formal name-calling. He wasn’t upset about it. He wasn’t.

With a final lingering look, Jim rose and drowsily made his way to his bed. His heaviness hit him all at once. He had really managed to stay up for a long while, hadn’t he? He hadn’t pulled such a stunt since all-nighters in his academy days. But it wasn’t just his finals he was risking anymore. Spock was right about becoming a danger to his ship, of course. Jim was putting all their lives at risk with his fear.

He had half a mind to crawl into bed in his clothes, both for ease and to protect Spock’s eyes, but Jim knew he could never get comfortable like that. So he stripped down to his briefs and dove into bed as quickly as he could manage. He blushed, but made sure not to glance back at Spock, presumably still sitting at the desk.

Don’t think about him watching you undress.

Closing his eyes, Governor Kodos’ face swam into Jim’s vision right on time, but it didn’t bring with it the pangs of anger or regret. This time, the half-shadowed memory hardly bothered Jim at all.

This time, Jim didn’t have to face his demon alone.

Spock resumed his previous manual calculations and noted that Jim was quiet for several hours. It was just as well.

For a moment after he made his offer, Spock experienced a fleeting pang of regret, a sudden nagging at the back of his consciousness that he was being far too forward with the Captain.

Obvious, to put it bluntly. He was being obvious.

Whatever base attraction he had to the captain had to be controlled and ignored. He mustn’t let him know. Not because the Captain would be cruel or make an ordeal out of it—he wouldn’t, Spock was certain—but because Spock would never be able to live with the soft pity he could vividly imagine in Jim’s eyes if he learned of Spock’s infatuation.

Tonight, he had nearly given himself away.

While logical for a human to require the comfort of another person in the room with them to sleep, Spock had promptly assessed that his offer was being taken in a more physical direction than he had originally intended. Jim’s blank and uncertain surprise had all but confirmed it.

Spock caught and corrected his behavior, as he so often did around Jim, but decided not rescind his solution.

The offer, after all, had been genuine, and from genuine experience.

Since her arrival in their home, Michael Burnham had been plagued with nightmares.

At first, her shouts in the dead of night from down the hall were irksome to him, disturbing Spock either during his late meditation or his own slumber on numerous occasions. When it became apparent they would be a regular occurrence, Spock found himself uniquely concerned. Not only for himself, and how being woken through the night might affect his days in the Learning Center, but also for the affect it had on his mother, who was most often the one who would go to Michael and console her. He never spared much thought for the wellbeing of the new intruder, Michael Burnham until some time later.

After Michael had lived with them for a few months and his concern now included her, he got up the nerve to ask about her nightmares. It was a particularly cool afternoon, late in the year, and they worked together on assignments in a sunny spot on their kitchen table.

“Why do you have nightmares every night?”

Michael turned furtive in her seat across from him. She pulled the textbook they were sharing nearer to her PADD and pretended to be engrossed in it.

“What are they of?”

Shrugging, she mumbled, “I dunno. Just...bad dreams, I guess.”

Spock could tell she was lying but could also tell that pressing the issue outright would yield him no new results. He judged a new tack of lending helpfulness would fare better. Humans, generally most people, responded well to being helped by their peers.

“When I have bad dreams, father cautions me to meditate on them. Being afraid of them gives them power. He says it’s better to face it outright—”

“I guarantee you that we don’t have the same bad dreams, Spock.” Her voice was cold and hard, and her eyes did not move over the text in any attempt to appear she was reading anymore. “Can’t you just drop it?”

“I want to help you,” Spock insisted, leaning forward in his chair. “If you don’t do well in the Learning Center—”

“I’m doing fine!”

“No, you’re not. Your productivity is declining by 2.3 percent a week and your response times are most likely inhibited by—”

Michael clapped her hands to her ears and squeezed her eyes shut, crying, “Just STOP IT! Can’t you see I don’t want to talk about it? Just STOP ASKING!”

This was not going as well as he planned. “I only want to help—”

“My parents were murdered by Klingons right in front of me! I have to hear it every night! You can’t help that! NO one can!”

Spock's mouth snapped closed and he stared across at her. For a long time, he couldn't think of a single thing to say. What could be said?

And before he realized an apology should be tumbling from his lips, Michael had scooped up all her study materials and rushed from the table, tears streaming behind her.

Sybok slouched into the room just as Michael pushed past him. He looked up at Spock with bleary but accusing eyes. “What did you do now?”

“Nothing!”

“They might not have as much control over their emotions as our kind, but even humans don’t cry for ‘nothing’.”

“I wasn’t doing anything. I was trying to help!”

His older brother’s lean face was impassive, but Spock swore he saw the glint of mischief in his eyes. “Of course,” Sybok scoffed. “You did a great job.”

Scowling, Spock shoved away from the table and collected his own things.

Don’t be mad. I don’t feel anger. The way his human eyes pricked in the corners were in direct contradiction to his thoughts.

Spock was trying to help. And what did Sybok know about that? All he did was stay shut up in his room, sometimes for days on end, until Amanda lured him out with food. Spock didn’t think he had ever thought about helping Michael.

“Where are you going now?”

Spock ignored him. He kept his head low, intent on pushing past Sybok if he tried to stop him. But he met no resistance.

“How about you try not to make it worse this time,” Sybok called after Spock as he reached the stairwell.

Without glancing back, Spock took them two at a time.

He would speak with Michael again. He would apologize. He would—

But he never did get to that day, or any day after. The next time he saw Michael, she acted as though nothing had transpired at all. Spock had been forced to let it go.

Until one night, when both Sarek and Amanda were out for the evening at a dignitary’s gala.

Spock had nearly fallen asleep when a scream—Michael’s scream—echoed through the house.

Turning over, Spock pressed his pillow around his head and attempted to go back to sleep. Sybok was in charge. He would handle it in his parents’ absence. Likely in the same indifferent way he had handled “dinner”, but he would handle it all the same. Michael’s wellbeing wasn’t Spock’s problem tonight. Their parents had said…

And then a small, timid knock on his door roused him from the edges of a hazy dream.

Rubbing his eyes, swallowing his annoyance, Spock threw himself out of bed and stomped across the floor. He yanked on the handle, and there Michael stood, with tears in her eyes. Sneaking a glance down the hall, Spock saw Sybok’s door firmly closed and Michael’s thrown wide open.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, struggling to keep irritation out of his voice. “Are you hurt? Do you require a healer?”

Michael shook her head, but still the tears ran silently down her cheeks. “M-may I enter?”

Without a valid reason not to, Spock stood aside for her. She wiped her nose and tried to gather herself in the dark room as he waited. He focused on keeping perfectly still to keep his foot from tapping. It helped to busy himself counting the seconds of lost sleep in his head and attempting to calculate the impact they would have on his marks at the Learning Center the next morning. In the end, it was impossible to be accurate because his data was incomplete without a single important variable: how long this interruption would take.

“I can hear them, Spock,” Michael said finally. She was quiet and her voice sounded raw on the edges from crying. “Have you ever heard a Klingon growl before? My dad, he shouted at them, but he couldn’t stop—my mom—” Whatever else she might have said choked off in a sob.

Spock’s eyes grew wide and his body became tense. He was not equipped to deal with…this.

Suddenly, Spock understood. Sarek had informed him and his brother before she arrived of the fate of Michael Burnham’s real parents and warned them against asking Michael about it.

“Humans don’t often wish to discuss such things,” his father had said. “They find these emotions difficult to process and attempt to avoid them. You should respect that desire until she is ready.”

Sybok yawned in a way that felt very purposeful, but Spock had diverted Sarek’s reprimand by asking, “How long should we expect that to take?”

He pressed his mouth in a line as he stared at his eldest son for a moment before answering his youngest, “It is impossible to approximate. Perhaps she will never choose to speak of it, but we must maintain that it is her choice to do so.”

How he wished he had made the connection between this and Michael’s nightmares. It seemed so obvious now.

To his surprise (or maybe relief) she didn’t say any more, though neither did her tears subside. Spock wondered if he should attempt to comfort her somehow, but found he was ill-equipped to do that either. Spock couldn’t even raise his arms to offer a hug. He just stood there motionless, mouth glued shut, tongue like lead.

Helpless. Useless.

Michael finally spoke. “Would.. would it be okay if I slept in here with you? I could get my blanket and stay on the floor? Usually Amanda comes and stays with me until I go back to sleep, but… but…”

But his mother wasn’t here, he finished for her.

Spock licked his lips and tried to speak, but still nothing would come. The request didn’t seem outlandish, through his mind pricked with a strange desire to do more. But what, he didn’t know, so he nodded.

As Michael dashed away to grab her things, Spock tried to reconcile what it must have been like to relieve the loss of your family over and over again in your dreams. Being tortured by the other children was one thing. The vague monstrous shapes of his imagination that haunted his own nightmares was one thing. But a memory that wouldn’t leave you? He tried to imagine his mother screaming, his home burning, his father fighting the hulking shapes of Klingon warriors wielding fierce glinting bat’leths, and Spock understood. His heart ached terribly, and he felt his own hot tears prickle at the corners of his eyes.

Inappropriate, as Vulcans do not cry. Shaking his head, Spock bid the imaginary specters to leave him alone, assuring himself that the only danger threatening his mother and father tonight was an overabundance of champagne.

By the time she had returned clutching her duvet and pillow, he’d regained control of himself.

Michael closed the door behind her and followed him back towards his bed. She stopped short and tossed her pillow on the ground by the thick rug protruding from under the bed’s feet.

Pausing in pulling away his covers, Spock made a quick and logical decision. “That is unnecessary,” he said, finding his voice at last. Maybe he couldn’t describe his empathy to her, or fully realize how awful it must have been to relive your parents’ final moments, as he still had his. Maybe he couldn’t quite give the Terran the exact comfort she might have needed, but Spock was convinced he could still do something. “Your dreams have already deprived you of hours of restful sleep tonight. I see no reason to spend the rest of your time in discomfort when my bed is plenty big enough for the both of us.”

Michael, wide-eyed and disbelieving, looked from her pillow on the floor to Spock’s large bed. “Are…are you sure?”

Admittedly, he swam in it most nights. “Yes. It’s logical.”

She blinked at him a moment more before scooping the pillow up and climbing up onto the bed, dragging her own duvet behind her. She wriggled to the far side as Spock clambered in after her.

“Good night, Spock,” Michael whispered as he gathered his own blanket around himself.

He hoped it would prove to be now. “Good night, Michael.”

They both quickly fell back asleep and did not wake the rest of the night.

It was the first of many such encounters in their youth, and eventually, she stopped asking permission at all. It came to be that whenever Spock heard his door open, rousing him from sleep, he rolled over to the side to make room for his sister.

There was a marked difference, she informed him objectively, in the consistency of her nightmares when she had his presence beside her.

Spock was satisfied he could similarly aid his captain, now.

Just as he decided to settle in for a meditation, Jim’s rest took a turn for the worse. He began to pant and to moan piteously as he shifted in his bed. Then he thrashed, a twist of limbs and blanket. The only intelligible words that could be discerned by Spock’s ears was “No.” The single syllable left his lips in a string and ended in a final, barely audible, “Not them.”

Spock crossed to Jim and deliberated a moment. The Human’s handsome face was scrunched as though he were in pain, lovely mouth open and gasping for breath. Spock reached a hand towards Jim’s forehead, but paused. No, that seemed like a severe breach in manners. Many humanoids did not appreciate their minds being invaded without permission. He didn’t know the Captain quite well enough for that.

Yet.

Spock pressed the thought from his mind with vague irritation and considered alternatives when Jim suddenly rolled over away from him towards the wall. The new position exposed an ample amount of space on the mattress, ample enough to—

With hindsight, Spock realized he could have—and perhaps should have—wakened Jim and let events unfold from there. But in the moment, with Michael’s ordeal still on his mind, and wanting Jim to have a full night’s peace, Spock did what he would continue to argue was “perfectly logical” for days later. Even when he knew, deep down and with burning shame, that it very much was not.

He dispensed himself of his polished black boots and carefully tested his weight on the edge of the mattress. Spock watched Jim closely, searching for any indication he was waking. All he saw was Jim’s broad back heaving, his head twitching minutely on his pillow. It appeared to be safe enough. He was not disturbed.

Spock climbed into bed behind the fitful captain and when that alone did not appear to ease Jim’s heartrate, he snaked his arms around the other man’s waist. Michael had found this comforting in their youth, he reasoned, and most, if not all, Humans gained distinct benefit from touching others. He would ask forgiveness later, he decided, closing his eyes. He listened to the erratic patter of Jim’s heart and labored breathing, counting the beats and noting their rhythm.

Jim’s relief with the pressure of his arm was very nearly instantaneous. Tense muscles in his back and neck relaxed, a long sigh parted his lips, and, slowly, minute by minute, the frantic heartbeat settled. As Jim relaxed into a deep sleep, he pressed himself into Spock’s chest and the Vulcan noted that he fit snuggly. Almost as though it was where he belonged.

Spock roughly shoved the thought from his mind before it could have the chance to plant itself and grow.

This is logical, Spock thought firmly, settling his head onto the Captain’s second pillow. This is necessary to protect the rest of the crew.

His own fluttering heart was the only thing brave enough to call him a liar.

Thank you for reading! <3

[kawaiikatanabushi]

Hakuouki Okichi Belated Fictober 2019

November Latetober entry Day 4 “I know you didn’t ask for this.”

Fandom: Hakuouki

Pairing: Okichi

Triggers: Depression, suggestion of divorce, illness, tuberculosis, minor self-loathing, angst

A snippet taken from an upcoming Okichi story in which Souji and Chizuru wind up in a self-arranged marriage deal.

They were falling into a steady rhythm, adjusting to his home health care with hardly any effort. She would rise before him, make breakfast for herself as she allowed him to sleep a few hours more, give him his first dosage at 11 as he was waking and feed him if he was hungry, write her nurse's notes and attend to his needs with ease and still make time to be his wife in the evening. It had been a flippant moment of chance that had brought them into marriage. Her heart being broken and his own agenda aside, they had become a good team. He had never expected to be so humbled and indebted to her. She was the pinnacle of goodness and he felt his uselessness settle as a weighty depression. He didn't deserve any of her tender care. He hadn't even given her a family as he had promised. It was their deal and he was skimping on the bargain. He felt worthless as she juggled their lives and he slept through most of it.

"Souji," she called softly, noticing the somber hue casting his features in dismal drudgery, "Are you alright? What's the matter?"

He sighed heavily, closing his eyes against her fondly mussing his bangs. She deserved far better than him. She hadn't even picked up on his cowardice, being unable to tell her how madly in love with her he had become. He was a failure, laid up in bed and eating up her youth. He had brought sickness into their lives and tormented her future with his worthless life.

"I know you didn't ask for this," he began, shaking his head lethargically as she opened her mouth to protest, "Please, Chizuru. Let me finish. Your brother suggested you leave me. That idiot Kazama has promised you a future countless times. Kodo-san would be thrilled. You're wasting your life with me. Even your friend Sen thinks you'd be better off without me. I think their right. You don't need me. I'm no good for you. I can't give you that baby you want. I'm too weak. I'm always tired, out of breath. I can't even hold my own bowl of food. You always feed me. Bathe me. Usher me to the bathroom. You didn't sign up for nursing a sickly husband. You didn't sign up for being with a pathetic man. You didn't ask for any of this!"

A culmination of feeling horribly ill, feeling a burden and being in love reduced him to frustrated tears. It seemed the only thing he could do was cry, as much as he had forced the urge away and despised the act for several months. He slowly rolled onto his other side, shielding her from seeing his emotional breakdown. He had come to the end of his rope, reduced to a grieving pile of sorrow.

"You should leave me," he choked out in a small whisper.

A warm petite hand rested against his back, rubbing soothing circles as she shushed him tenderly. She allowed him to release his pent-up frustration and self-loathing, knowing that a good cry might relieve some of his stresses. He was being all-too-hard on himself, as was expected of a warrior. It was so difficult to nurse the emotional needs of such an independent and stubborn man. She pulled back his blanket, settling down behind him. She wrapped her arms about his neck, planting kisses to his head as one hand stroked his chest.

"Shh, Souji, shh," Chizuru muttered into his hair, nuzzling her nose onto his head, "You're just having a rough day. It's perfectly expected to feel like this when you're so unwell. I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere. It's okay, it's okay. Just let it out, Souji. Let it out and I'll make you some daikon porridge, okay?"

"Food doesn't fix everything, Chizuru," Souji sobbed, wiping at his nose, "You're too good to me. I don't deserve this. You'll come to resent me. It's only been three months of this whole setup. You'll tire of me eventually. I can't give you anything. I can't give you a family and I promised it to you. What if these antibiotics make me sterile? There goes that baby we planned on,"

"We can always adopt," Chizuru mumbled tenderly, holding him all the tighter, "Don't despair, Souji. There's always hope,"

"What if we can't afford a baby?" He asked quietly, weakly lacing his hand with hers.

"Oh, Souji," she sighed in sympathy, shifting to rest her cheek on his, "I don't think you understand. I came to the Shinsengumi, a simple homecare nurse who lived a quiet and average life, even as an oni. Yes, I had a giant crush on Hijikata-san, but do you know who came to my rescue when he announced his engagement? Who asked after my feelings, Souji? Who listened to my woes and offered a solution, unorthodox as it was? You know him. I married him. He's such a feeling and good man. Kids and cats alike adore him. He's playful and mischievous, but I can't imagine having a life without him now. I don't care how difficult this time is. We're going to get through it. Do you know why, Souji? Because, you are my family. My life. My husband. I didn't ask for this, that's true. But, I don't mind. I want to care for you. I can't abandon you now. I got too close. I care too deeply for you. I'm not going to leave you, I'd rather die first. You're my husband, for better or worse. Yes, I want to be a mother, but the importance of that pales in comparison to my husband getting well. You're my life, now. I don't want to be apart from you. You're my everything,"

He could not respond. He wanted to tell her then, be the one to say he loved her first. His heart was so overwhelmed, all he could do was cry harder. She always managed to push away the debris surrounding his heart and heal him in the most broken places. He would be lost without her and the reality of being abandoned by her was too frightening a thought. He never wanted to lose her. He wanted to be selfish and keep her, even at the cost of her happiness. He loved her so much, his heart throbbed.

With great effort, he moved to lay upon his back and pulled off his oxygen, motioning from her to come closer with a tender half-smile. She smiled serenely, meeting him for a tender kiss. It was all he could do to express his gratitude. She balanced everything in his life and he would be lost without her.

"Never leave me," he begged upon parting, rubbing his nose on hers, "I'd be so lost without you,"

"Thankfully, the weight of my wedding band will keep me at your side, always," Chizuru promised, kissing his forehead, "Now, let's get you hydrated again and fed. No more silly talk of leaving,"

"How about a compromise? We're both so tired, I think a nap should be prescribed," he smirked, his eyes soft and sparkling for the first time in a while.

"Alright," Chizuru laughed, settling herself in the crook of his arm, "But, you're eating as soon as I wake up,"

"It's a promise," he agreed, wiping away his residual tears.

She was almost instantly asleep in his arms and exhausted as he was, he remained awake for a moment to watch his sleeping wife. It was as if he had an angel in his embrace. He placed a few weary kisses to her forehead, stroking his fingers through her hair. How serene and healing it was to hold her against him, watching how peaceful her sleeping expression was. How was this connection so precious fulfilling for him? She completed him in a way he could never express. He rested his forehead to hers, kissing her nose.

"I love you," he whispered, looking over her face with unveiled adoration, "One day, I won't be such a coward. One day, I'll tell you how you complete me. You deserve to know how I feel. One day, I'll be braver. I'll be better just for you. I promise. You can have all of me. I'll stop holding back. Just, wait a little longer, ne? I'm so scared of failing you... and... I'm talking to myself. Uh, Souji. Just tell her in person, ne?"

He chuckled to himself, yawning widely as his lids became heavy. Sometimes, there was no better emotional cure than a lengthy cuddle with his tender, feisty and cute wife. She was his everything.

[headfulloffantasies]

Double Dare

Jim Kirk cannot refuse a dare. It’s hard wired into his DNA not to turn down those three words: I Dare You.

Fandom: Star Trek 

Words:1303

1.

Jim Kirk cannot refuse a dare. It’s hard wired into his DNA not to turn down those three words: I Dare You.

His brother is responsible. Jim was six, a couple years before Frank walked into their lives. The golden years. He and Sam lay on their bellies in the Iowa summer, digging in the dirt. Jim poked at the squishy mud under his mother azaleas with a stick. 

Sam suddenly squealed. “Look! Jim look at this!”

Jim leaned over to see. A coil of worm writhed in the soil. Jim was mesmerized by the way its body moved, undulating and liquid. He scooped it up. It was easily longer than his hand. 

Sam wrinkled his nose. “Ew. You gotta eat it, Jim.”

“What?” Jim balked, watching the worm twist in his palm.

“Eat it! Eat it!” Sam chanted. He stopped and squared his shoulders. “I dare you.” 

“I don’t wanna eat it,” Jim protested.

“I dared you, now you gotta,” Sam grinned. “It’s law that you gotta do something if someone dares you.”

Jim’s stomach twisted into a knot just like the worm in his hand. “What if I don’t?”

Sam poked him irritably. “Then you’ll be a sissy your whole life. Come on! Eat it!”

Jim lifted the worm and tipped it into his mouth. The worm squished between his teeth. Sam cheered when Jim threw up.

2.

There was of course the dare Pike gave him. To do better than George Kirk. It was Jim who upped the anti. Three years to complete command track. There were days in his Academy dorm, at two in the morning studying on the fumes of energy drinks and ramen, that Jim thought this was going to be the dare that broke him. Maybe even killed him, if he was being dramatic. 

Seven years later, well into their five year mission, Jim still wasn’t sure he won that dare. Could he really call himself better than his father? The tally of lives saved grew bigger every year, but so did the losses. 

3.

The trash compactor wasn’t working. Why this was Jim’s problem, he didn’t know, but here was in the annals of his ship, staring down at the mountain of trash that the replicator’s recycler refused to process. 

Scotty was poking at a panel and scratching his head while Lieutenant Award explained to Jim what was going on.

“Over here’s the compost bins,” Award led Jim to the green containers as high as his shoulder. “Most of this ends up in the greenhouses as fertilizer.”

“It certainly smells like fertilizer,” Jim choked.

Award nodded solemnly. “There’s something in here that’s jamming everything, sir. Only we can’t figure out what. The mechanism works when the bins are empty, but obviously, we need to fill them.”

Jim checked the input valve at the back of the containers. He followed it to the plastic recycling bin. A red light flashed on the valve for the plastic intakes. 

“Something’s wrong here,” he mumbled. “Why is the plastic being affected by compost?”

Jim straightened. “We need to get to the bottom of this bin.”

Scotty hurried over. “The release for the plastics is jammed. We can’t empty it automatically. It’ll have to be manual.”

“Of course it will,” Jim sighed.

“Dare you to go first,” Scotty joked, nudging Jim in the ribs.

He shrugged and hopped over the side, landing in a pile of junk. “I always knew I was a piece of trash, Mr. Scott. This is exactly where I belong.”

4.

He was a captain, he shouldn’t have been in this situation in the first place. But Jim needed a chance to unwind after a near miss. There was a party in engineering, flowing with booze. Exactly like the bottle of glowing blue Sulu waved in front of Jim’s face.

“It’s Andorian,” Sulu grinned. “I dare you to drink it all.”

The dare wasn’t even directed at Jim. Sulu wouldn’t broach protocol like that. The dare had been issued to a knot of ensigns, barely out of cadet-hood. They dubiously stared at the liquid sloshing back and forth. 

Jim’s hands started itching the second Sulu said the magic words. Dares couldn’t be left undone. It messed with the balance of the universe. And, ok, maybe Jim had had enough to drink already if was waxing poetic about dares. Didn’t matter. He couldn’t leave it alone.

“I’ll do it,” Jim snatched the bottle from Sulu and chugged it back. It burned all the way down and lit a fire in his guts. Jim smacked his lips. His throat was still burning. Like it was crawling with ants. 

“Did you say this was Andorian?”

Sulu nodded mutely. The ensigns stared in awe.

Jim nodded and spun on his heel. “I’m going to medbay. Tell Bones to come find me if I’m not there in five minutes.”

“What?” Sulu spluttered.

Jim’s fingers and toes went numb. “I’m allergic!” He yelled as he started sprinting.

5.

“Truth or Dare?”

“Dare.”

It wasn’t fair that Jim’s favourite game was considered something for horny teenagers. He loved a challenge, any kind. And he loved surprising people by finishing even the most ridiculous tasks. 

Uhura pursed her glittery lips. Jim loved shore leave for the specific reason that he got to see what his crew chose to dress like when they weren’t actively part of Starfleet. Uhura’s red miniskirt, for example, was a surprise. 

It had been Jim’s idea to have some of his senior staff over for drinking games. His shore leave apartment was big enough for three times the number of people who had showed up. Scotty, Spock, Bones, Nurse Chapel, Sulu, Chekov, and Uhura had answered his invitation. 

“You can’t do Dare,” Uhura said. “You did Dare last turn.”

“Why are we playing children’s games?” Bones grumbled.

“Shh. Have a drink.” Scotty answered.

“Fine,” Jim rolled his eyes. “Truth.”

Uhura smirked. “What is Jim Kirk’s greatest fear?”

Jim swallowed hard. Fear knew Jim intimately. They were old pals. It took many faces for Jim. There was Frank, Nero, and Khan to start with. But they only scared Jim at night, in his sleep, when he forgot they were long buried. Then there was the fear without faces. Hunger, loss, pain. He learned most of those from Kodos, and nope, nope, not going there.

 “I’m using my captaincy to veto. Give me a Dare.”

Uhura protested, “You were the one who said leave rank at the door.”

“Give me a Dare,” Jim ground out. 

“I’ll give you a Dare,” Bones snapped. “I Dare you to pick another game. You’re all infants.”

+1

Four crew dead. Seven in medical. The bastard that did it bleeding on the floor. Blood on Jim’s knuckles. His entire being boiled down to these facts. The engine room hummed around them, the sound of the ship’s breathing calming Jim. She was still flying. He got there in time. Killian didn’t get the bomb in place. It was over.

“I’m not done yet, Jim Kirk,” Killian groaned from the floor. His stupid goatee was drenched in blood. Satisfaction sparked in Jim’s chest knowing that he put Killian’s jaw out of socket. He had never been more murderous. The heap of filth on the floor almost killed Chekov, Sulu, Uhura. Bones was still down.  

“You are done,” Jim ground out. “You’re going to the brig, and then to face Starfleet judgement.”

Killian let out a wet laugh. “That won’t stop me. Nothing will. I will be your nightmare.”

Security arrived, their reassuring red crowding into the space. Jim turned away, done talking to this scumbag.

“You should kill me.” Killian coughed, “I dare you to do it.”

Jim stopped cold. Killian wheezed on the floor. 

Jim didn’t even bother glancing at him. “No, I don’t think I will.”

[atopearth]

Hakuoki: Edo Blossoms Part 11 - Kazama Chikage Route

I know that Kazama needs to care about her well-being since he can’t very well let her die from exhaustion when she’s with him, but it was nice to see him notice when she was tired and find a hut to rest for the night to take a proper break. It’s great that Chizuru is finally showing interest in her roots as a Demon! I’ve always wanted to know more but since most routes revolved around the Shinsengumi guys accepting her for who she is, demon or not, it was hard to learn more about them. It’s nice to see Kazama telling her more about their history, like how it was inevitable that they had to exile themselves in hiding because no matter how powerful they were, humans had the advantage in numbers, and that was something they couldn’t overpower. Lmao when Chizuru takes her bedding to the other side of the room because she doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping so close to Kazama under the same roof. Girl, if he wanted to attack you, you wouldn’t get much of a distance advantage when he’s so strong😆 It’s kinda cute how Kazama follows Demon tradition and won’t do anything until they’re married. I feel like one of the reasons why Kazama was insistent on this route to Edo that Amagiri told them to not go through since it could cause trouble (due to Kazama not continuing his alliance with the Satsuma, and Chizuru is unknown to them I guess) with their identities was because he knew that Chizuru was fatigued and he didn’t want her to have to push herself anymore on these gruelling mountains. Good that she calmed him down and said they should go another way just in case them trying to enter through here would alert Kodo.

Omggg it was so sweet when Kazama grabbed her hand and walked with her like that after she nearly fell off the cliff or something. So dangerous, but him ending up doing that is so worth it🥰🥰 I was right! He was trying to get through that checkpoint for her sake!🥰🥰🥰 He’s so sweet and considerate! It’s common and natural instinct for male Demons to guard the well-being and safety of their women since they lack stamina and strength compared to them, so I guess he’s been trained to take care of women properly!😆 That CG of him holding her hand just makes me squeal in happiness😊😊 It’s pretty saddening to see Chizuru think about all those past happy memories she had with Kodo back in the clinic, only for him to come and step all over them as the monster he truly has become/is. So glad Kazama appeared when Kodo started saying he wanted Chizuru to breed with his Furies eughhh. Lmao at Kazama reprimanding her for not laying low like he told her to, and instead running right to trouble haha. I’m happy that Kazama prioritised protecting her instead of killing Kodo😊 And also happy that he acknowledged her conviction towards going after Kodo and Kaoru since this isn’t just Kazama or the Demons’ problems, it’s also her responsibility since they’re her family. It’s nice to see that Chizuru is recovering some of her memories of her burning village and how Kaoru led her away and then Kodo saved them by escaping with them. Wonder why Kodo couldn’t take Kaoru along if he could take Chizuru though…but I guess Kaoru would have wanted the Nagumo clan to think he was Chizuru so they could run... Nice to see that she can empathise with their feelings even if she can’t agree with their actions.

Is it just me or did I never truly realise how much the shogunate betrayed the Shinsengumi? Shiranui coming and telling Chizuru that the shogunate was already discussing surrender terms with the Satsuma-Choshu and that they practically sacrificed the Shinsengumi to the Imperial nationalist party because they had a bone to pick with them due to the past battles made me so shocked and disgusted. How could they do such a thing? The Shinsengumi are fighting their hardest and so desperately because they believe in them and yet they treat them like this to the end, I just can’t help but cry at how unfair and heartless this all is. And the Shinsengumi will be up against the enhanced Furies alongside Kaoru, they won’t even have a nice swift death, they’ll be torn to shreds and even eaten! As much as I’d like for both Kodo and Kaoru to have happy endings since they had to suffer so much as the people who were abandoned and abused by both humans and Demons; with their mindset and with how much Kaoru’s life has just been filled with pain, I honestly do think that it’s impossible for them, or maybe mainly Kaoru to really find solace in anything. Kodo died very quickly but I guess Kaoru was able to escape to come back as the crazy he is for another day. I do feel terrible for them though, them wanting revenge is justified, it’s just that their revenge would kill so many people and create unimaginable damage to Japan and even this world if they allowed such monsters to rampage. It’s nice that Kazama at least now acknowledges that there are humans who aren’t driven by greed and power. Now that Kodo is gone, Chizuru wants to see what has become of the only true warriors left - the Shinsengumi, and I would like to as well…

Not a fan of Kazama’s Western clothes but he always looks hot anyway, so, sure this is good too🤣 Although I feel terrible that Harada is dead, when Shiranui said that he might be bad luck since people he fights alongside with (they had a temporary alliance fighting against Furies) usually end up dying after, I couldn’t help but think about how Shiranui must feel that way towards Takasugi as well… I honestly didn’t think Kaoru would really be dead even though Kazama said he inflicted a grave wound and that there was no way of him surviving. I really thought he’d be okay and come back and attack them again. I honestly also didn’t think Kazama would take her back to her burnt village and that she would see Kaoru’s dead body laying on a bed of flowers with a peaceful expression. It honestly makes it hard to not feel sad and terrible about how much pain he had to suffer his whole life, and that it was only in death that he felt some sort of peace… So, the humans that destroyed Chizuru’s village were the anti-shogunate alliance encompassing the Satsuma, Choshu and Tosa domain that requested the help of the Yukimura clan but were refused since they don’t dabble in human affairs, but then they took that refusal as a challenge to their authority and decided to get rid of them… How honestly petty of them…I think I can see in a better light why Kodo was so insistent on revenge, he was the only adult left of the Yukimura clan, that knew how the clan lived, how kind they were etc and yet they were destroyed by such humans, how could he not get revenge for all the people he cared for that died? Kaoru kept to his promise to Chizuru that he’d protect her because he’s the boy of the family, and so he pretended to be her and went to Nagumo, but in the end, that destroyed him, not only did the humans destroy his former life, the Demons also destroyed his current life and potential future. They all suffered so much because of these humans, how could they not get revenge? How could they possibly understand Chizuru’s perspective that they should care about all the humans they are killing when these humans never cared about theirs? In the end though, the human civilians they killed definitely didn’t deserve any of this, and they did need to be stopped regardless, but it’s just so painful to have to know more of their background and history because it makes me feel bad that I detested them so much in the other routes. Even though I felt like I could understand them to an extent, now I feel like I really knew nothing of the magnitude of their hatred. They had every reason to become the people they were, in a sense, it couldn’t be helped, I don’t think I would have been able to do any different. Especially when even until the end, even until their last breath, the Yukimura clan actually held on to their principles and chose not to fight against these humans that came to kill them! I’m so disgusted and devastated.

I’m glad Chizuru realised on her own how reckless she was for wanting to head to Aizu castle without knowing anything and only going there on the possibility that the Shinsengumi should be there. It was so difficult to hear the passing of the guys as usual, but it was nice to see that Kazama was impressed and shocked that despite the Aizu having surrendered already, Hijikata still remains on the battlefield fighting where he can until his last breath. I was also impressed with Chizuru asking Kazama to go with her to Ezo (where Hijikata is) to witness the end of the Shinsengumi, and to tell Hijikata of the passing of the other guys just in case he hadn’t heard yet, since they deserve to live on in people’s memories and to be told of their last stand. When Shiranui came and handed Chizuru Harada’s spear and told her he was one of the bravest and ferocious warriors he’d ever met, I couldn’t help but cry. Harada was so kind, so strong, so valiant and unrelenting, I hate imagining him being torn to shreds by the Furies when he had finally run out of strength, it just tears my heart apart thinking about it🥺🥺🥺 But I’m also really happy and touched that Shiranui acknowledged him so much. It was really sweet when Kazama encouraged her and acknowledged that even if she didn’t pick up a sword and fight in this war, she fought in her own way with Kodo and everyone, she definitely deserves to cry if she needs to, I’m sure anyone has the right to cry in such turbulent times tbh. And having missed the Shinsengumi every time she thought she had finally reached them, who wouldn’t feel depressed? They’re so close and yet so far…

Since it’s difficult for suspicious civilians like them to get a boat to Ezo where everything is taking place, they had no choice but to stay at Sendai for a while to figure out what they can do to get there, and lmao it seems like they’ve been here long enough that Chizuru and Kazama’s relationship is practically like a bickering wife and husband. She takes care of all the homely duties and controls how much sake he drinks and can tell when he’s in a bad mood, and can even compare his attitude to be like a cat hahahaha. It’s nice to see Chizuru more assertive. She also seems much more mature, although she’s anxious that she can’t reach the Shinsengumi and doesn’t know what’s going on, she also understands that Kazama and Amagiri are trying their best and she is grateful for that instead of letting how desperate she is overcome her. I’m glad Kazama encouraged her when she was about to fall into depression that she might never see the Shinsengumi, he’s right, as the one who knew all of them and yet is still alive to this day, it is her duty to witness whatever else is left in their journey and to remember the people that they were, so she can’t lose faith yet, especially since the Satsuma are allowing them to board their ship now! Btw, dang does Kazama’s route have so many CGs! I’m so happy but jealous since the others have so few compared to him! When he hugged her, my heart felt so warm! He’s worried that she won’t be able to take it seeing the Shinsengumi’s demise. I found it so sweet when Chizuru asked Kazama to be beside her as she watches over everything that will encompass. He is the only one she wants to watch over them with. He is the one she trusts the most and believes will be there for her. At least she was able to see Souma and witness him becoming the chief and surrendering on behalf of the Shinsengumi, their pride and convictions live on with him and I think it’s great that they were at least able to see that.

I was about to scream at Chizuru for asking Kazama what he was going to do now since she’s done with everything she wanted to do (since she couldn’t find Hijikata’s remains, but at least they were able to find out from a soldier that he died valiantly like the man that he was), I’m so thankful he told her and then kissed her haha. He ain’t leaving you forever, Chizuru! He’ll take care of his clan by moving them somewhere else outside of human sight (since they might get attacked) and she’ll stay in Ezo to come to terms with the memories of the Shinsengumi. It was so sweet when he told her that she can come find him when she’s ready, but if she doesn’t, he’ll come for her☺️☺️☺️ He’s so cuteee~ Lol, I guess it is better for Chizuru to stay still at Kodo’s clinic and have Kazama find her instead but loll, she was literally just waiting for him to come get her😆 It was great when he came and then said he had prepared everything and found a place for his clan to move and that he was only missing her from this plan. I swooned! Hahahah, Kazama you’re so smooth!🤣 Nice ending🥰 Bad ending seems pretty silly though, I feel like even if Chizuru said she’d go alone to look for the Shinsengumi, Kazama would at least follow her to keep her safe considering how much they had bonded this past year, like what a waste to spend all your time getting her here, and then letting her run off and die by herself! I have mixed feelings towards the unrequited love ending. I find it weird that Kazama would die by Hijikata’s sword even if he were to turn into a Fury and be crazed enough to be seeking death. Also, I felt like it was more of a bad ending for Hijikata lol, just because that, a Hijikata who would be at such despair and allow the Fury powers to consume him as he tries to kill whatever he can in revenge for Kondou and his comrades is just saddening. A Hijikata that has discarded all hopes and is not aiming to fight the Imperial soldiers until his last breath just sounds so terrible.

Anyway, overall, I really enjoyed Kazama’s route, I loved it! Ending could have been better since I would have enjoyed them actually getting together and being together for a bit but it was still good! I think the story was very well developed and had good pacing. I liked how they didn’t dwell on Kaoru and Kodo being the “villains” they had to deal with for the entire time and instead they chose to deal with their story with a swift end to it, but also adding to it through Kazama’s recalling of the Yukimura clan’s past. It gave me a much better impression and more fleshed out background for why Kodo and Kaoru were how they were and how they were forced to become so deranged and unrelenting towards using and killing humans to achieve their revenge. It made me feel for them on another level and I’m glad they did that. I also really loved how the last half was based around Chizuru and Kazama trying to reach the Shinsengumi and see their ending because it helped to show Kazama that there were humans with proper principles and convictions and that refused to bow down to greed or a comfortable life. Kazama has always looked down on humans and never believed them to be worth a mention, so I’m glad Chizuru’s existence guided him to people that could show him another side of humans and I liked the change in him. Best thing was that this route had a coherent story AND it had a good amount of romance as well! Kazama was the one who showed the most emotional and physical support for Chizuru, but I think her existence and words made him realise how interesting she and the Shinsengumi were as well, and that helped to open his eyes broader to the vast amount of humans in this world, so I really liked how they both supported each other and how they both came to enjoy each other’s company, it was really sweet and cute! Definitely the most well rounded route in the game!