#feelings denial

[shadowphoenixrider]

Thoughts At Midnight

(A short coda to "Heal Me", where Gambit has a talk, both with the others, and himself. Results vary. He also decided to shoot me in the face with Feels, so enjoy that too!)

The other X-Men were returning in dribs and drabs by the time Gambit and Shadow arrived back at the mansion, so they decided to slip in the back, avoiding them for the time being.

"I'll talk about it tomorrow morning." Shadow said as they approached her dorm. "I need to sleep on it."

"Of course." Gambit nodded. "Do ya want me to tell Rogue, at least?"

"If she asks, yeah." Shadow smiled as they stopped by her door. "Thank you for tonight, Remy. Both for the rescue and....everything else."

"Anytime, petite." He smiled back, savouring the sound of his name in her voice. "I enjoyed tonight too."

"I'm glad." She replied, her smile becoming shy. There was a pause. "Alright. G'night, Remy."

"A moment, mon amie." Gambit reached for her hand. "May I?"

Shadow tilted her head curiously to the side, placing her hand in his. He flashed her a grin, lifting her hand to press a kiss to her knuckles, delighting at the blush that darkened across her cheeks.

"Bonne nuit, chère." He rumbled warmly. "Sweet dreams."

Gambit turned to leave, only to be stopped short by Shadow's grip on his wrist.

"Hey, where do you think you're going after that?" She tugged him back, a determined look on her face. "C'mere."

He opened his mouth to protest when Shadow hopped up on her tiptoes, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"See you in the morning, Remy." She flashed him a brilliant smile, before she slipped behind her door.

Tentatively, Gambit lifted his hand to his cheek, unsure whether to disturb the lingering sensation of her lips against his skin. Could he hold it there as long as possible, maybe?

"There ya are, Remy!" Came a bright Southern drawl from behind him, further down the corridor. "Thought ah heard your voice."

"Bonsoir, mon amie." Gambit grinned, making his way to Rogue. "Jus' makin' sure Shadow got back to her place safe."

"She okay?" Rogue asked. "She looked like a widow at a funeral when ya left."

"Yeah, better den she were." Gambit replied. "Got her anger out first, den had a good cry." He offered Rogue a smile. "She was a lot better after dat."

"Sure..." Rogue's green eyes narrowed slightly. "Remy, are you bleeding?"

"Bleedin'? Shouldn't be, Shadow woulda noticed-" He lifted his hand to where Rogue pointed, feeling the rough scabs on his temple. "Oh, dat! Sparrin' accident'." He grinned toothily. "Ya know how it goes."

"Sparrin'?" Rogue raised an eyebrow. "You didn't upset her, did you?"

"No no!" Gambit shook his head. "She were already upset 'bout Tom, so Gambit found her a big stick, an' we went at it." He smiled bashfully. "In dat Shadow went at it. Gambit just tried not to get hurt."

"Aw, I woulda liked to have seen that." Smirked Rogue, gesturing with her head for Gambit to follow her to the main lobby, where they'd no doubt find the others. "Looks like you got a taste of humble pie!"

"Hah! She gave Gambit a good dance, but dat were just an accident - she were hittin' so hard de stick broke, caught Gambit a little in de crossfire."

"Oof." Rogue winced. "You're lucky they didn't end up in your eyes, sugah!"

"Yeah...Gambit didn't exactly realize dat tree branches not always de best weapons until it, ya know." He mimed an explosion with his hands.

"Wait," Rogue suddenly stopped, turning to him. "You didn't go to the Danger Room?"

"Non." Gambit rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Thought she'd do better if we took a walk. Didn't think she'd want de Professor askin' questions as to why she were home so early."

Rogue gave him a Look, before shaking her head and setting off again.

"Thank goodness you took the mutant who could heal with you, Remy," she said.

"Ah, it all turned out fine in de end, mon amie." Gambit smiled as they stepped out onto the upper landing. The other X-Men were milling below, slowly splitting off. "She needed it."

"Yeah, guess she did." Rogue folded her arms, a smile playing on her lips. "Still woulda have liked to see her put the Cajun in his place!"

"Ya wound me, Rogue!" Gambit exclaimed dramatically, pressing a hand to his chest. She rolled her eyes. "Tink ya'll find we ended it in a draw."

"Sure, sugah. I'll check with Shadow in the morning."

"You do dat, she'll say de same!"

That was when Scott noticed them chatting, and climbed up the stairs to them.

"Gambit, where is Shadow?" He asked. "Is she alright?"

"She fine now Cyclops, jus' gon' to bed." Gambit replied. "Evenin' took it outta her."

"I can imagine." Scott nodded, before he seemed to look again, frowning. "Wait. Are you bleeding?"

"No, Shadow healed me up. Long story." Gambit replied flatly. I really need to wash those blood stains off.

"...Sure." Scott said, clearly unconvinced. Gambit couldn't see his eyes move behind those ruby glasses, but he guessed that there might have been a glance at Rogue. Gambit could rely on her to keep his secrets, thankfully, so she gave Scott no further hints to pursue.

"Anyway, thank you both for not starting a fight." Scott continued, folding his arms. "We'll be able to go back there, although with an eye kept on us. They understood that the first punch was thrown by Tom, as it were."

"Dat's good." Gambit nodded. "Woulda been a shame to lose dat place thanks to that couyon." He glanced to Rogue. "What happened to him?"

"Gave him to the boys at the door." She replied, scowling. "Though maybe not as gently as he woulda liked."

"Good." Gambit smirked grimly. "Deserved dat, afta what he did." He looked back to Scott. "What'd ya hear from him?"

"Not much, only what the crowd was muttering about." He replied, frowning. "Something about Shadow...killing someone?"

"Nearly killin' someone." Rogue corrected. "Tom thought if he couldn't get his gal back, he'd tear her down by revealin' stuff that she was sensitive about. Like her past and her real name."

"I see." Scott's expression darkened. "I didn't hear it myself, but I'll let the others know that if they did hear anything, not to use it." He looked between them, sudden realization dawning. "Wait, how do you know that Shadow only nearly killed someone?"

"Remember dat time she went out in de storm?" Gambit commented. "She tol' me den. Rogue too. She wanted to wait 'til a better time to tell you and de others," he said bitterly.

"Until Tom told the whole club." Scott finished. "Right, that makes sense." He sighed. "I suppose she's not going to tell anyone now."

"Maybe, maybe not." Said Rogue. "She might wanna set the record straight in the mornin'."

"Seemed like she wanted to talk about somethin' in the mornin'." Gambit nodded. "Might be dat."

"Fair enough. Guess we'll have to leave any further discussions for then." Scott concluded. "Have a good night, you two."

He took his leave, and Gambit ran his hand through his hair with a sigh.

"Gonna take an early night myself." The Cajun spoke. "Need to freshen up after dat sparrin' session. An' get rid of dese blood stains before someone else asks me 'bout them."

"Alright Remy." Rogue smiled. "See ya around."

"Bonne nuit, mon amie."

---

As the hot water poured over him, Gambit let out a long sigh, tension unwinding out of his body.

He'd been economical with the truth - he didn't just want to cleanse his body after his and Shadow's 'dance'. Gambit needed to think, and only the bathroom attached to his dorm provided the privacy he needed.

His thoughts drifted back to Shadow, as they often seemed to these days. It was no secret Gambit found her attractive. She had the same fire that had drawn him to Rogue, despite her more bookish side. It had intrigued him: the quiet, intelligent, more shy outside, and the mischievous firebrand that burned with passion underneath. And she wasn't stuck-up about her knowledge either; if you didn't know what she was talking about, Shadow would be only too happy to teach, her eyes lighting up like stars as she did. Sure, sometimes she became tangled up in her tangents, but he liked to listen, and had learned a thing or two from her impromptu 'lectures'.

And then there was, of course, Shadow's physical attractiveness. Although she favoured soft, baggy hoodies and men's sized logo shirts that hid the shape of her torso, her jeans and trousers were a lot more generous at accenting her thighs and ass. Gambit couldn't deny that he had admired her assets in quieter moments, when he was less likely to get caught by Logan. He'd learnt from the first time.

He ran a hand through his hair, letting the water soak into the long reddish brown tresses that draped over his shoulders, and huffed a sigh.

It had only been when he'd seen her in a skin-tight jumpsuit for a Danger Room simulation that he'd seen Shadow's figure in its full glory - the gorgeous curve of her hips continued up her body, almost hourglass-like. It was a bit of a shame she didn't show herself off more, yet Gambit found himself also liking the more androgynous way she presented. It left more to his imagination, about how he'd love to run his hands down the elegant contours of her sides, cup her petite breasts-

Gambit grunted, swatting the thoughts aside as interest twitched below his waist. He reached for the soap to occupy his hands.

Yes. He wanted her. It had been a passing spark when she'd been newly settling into the mansion, a curious thought of what she looked and felt like under all those clothes. But as they'd grown closer, become more playful, his flirting not only accepted but bounced back to him... Desire had begun to grow. No longer just curiosity now, but a need to feel her, hear her - although it seemed almost silly, when he really thought about it. Shadow had already been the most intimate with him as they could be - slipping inside his skin, as one with him as his heart or powers. In that case, sex should be so easy; just a matter of finding a free night, protection and letting her set the scene. He wanted her, and she seemingly wanted him, what with the number of times they seemed to be kissing one another now.

So why did Gambit feel so...twisted up about it all? His mind cast itself back to when he'd been eavesdropping, that day when they'd almost kissed in the lab:

"I don't want to make things complicated. If we never become anything more than friends with benefits, that's fine with me."

No, he didn't want to make things complicated either, especially for Shadow. Gambit didn't mind it happening to him - it felt like the story of his life, in honesty. But not for her - she didn't deserve the messiness that would result if something went wrong.

So it was fine, wasn't it? Shadow had said she was fine being a friend with benefits. And Gambit absolutely would be fine with that too. It was a win-win!

Right?

Yet Shadow's other words echoed in his head, shouted with fire and conviction back at her ex-boyfriend:

"The hell is it any of your business who I'm dating or fucking? Are you afraid if I date another mutant I might discover someone who understands what it's like to never be truly normal?"

Gambit gritted his teeth, shaking his head. No, he was not going to entertain that thought. They were words said in the heat of a passionate moment. She said she didn't want to complicate things, to break his heart. It didn't count.

He didn't count.

The Cajun leaned forward, pressing his forehead against the cool tiles, letting it ground him. It hadn't worked out with Rogue, one of the most incredible women he knew, and he'd really tried. What did a lowly swamp rat like him have to measure up to an equally incredible intelligent university graduate with a gorgeous smile and the ability to heal with a touch?

Gambit breathed hard, trying to hold back the wet burning sensation in his eyes.

Nothing.

"I thought you were better than this.” Tom's voice now reverberated in his mind's ears. “That you were smart enough not to let someone like him convince you he was worth your time."

Guess we all make mistakes.

...And yet...

Gambit opened his eyes, letting the tears run down to the tip of his nose, scowling deeply.

What did he know? That scumbag loved Shadow until it became inconvenient for him, who saw a beacon burning bright and wanted to douse it because it wasn't his. Why was Gambit taking anything he said to heart? He'd rather sooner be lectured by Mr. Sinister.

So maybe Gambit couldn't give Shadow what she needed, and wouldn't complicate her life in a misguided attempt to try. But that didn't mean there wasn't things Gambit could give her. If she wanted to be friends with benefits with him, then that is what they would be.

If that was how Gambit had to show his love, then so be it.

Merde. Affection. Not love. He just had an attraction to her.

Just an attraction.

Right?

[hellcheerficdatabase]

it's the everpresent unconditional love in citrus imagery for me

Author: social_mockingbird

Rating/Warning: General

Chapter Count: 1/1

Description: Eddie Munson decides the best way to show his affection for one Chrissy Cunningham is to peel oranges into pretty shapes for her. This was a good and adorable decision on his part.

Tags: Alternate Universe- no vecna, Eddie is a sweetie, it's so cute, fluff, mutual pining, flirting, hurt/comfort, feelings denial, Eddie POV, one-shot, status: completed

[daughter-of-sapph0]

who had "jkr goes full nazi" on their 2024 bingo cards?

[youneedsomeprompts]

~ OBLIVIOUS PINING ~ PROMPTS about denial of feelings

requested by: anonymous request: how can i resolve very heavy denial of feelings? it doesn’t feel organic to just have a “oh crap, i like them” moment for this specific character

Feel free to use and reblog!

changing their behaviour towards the other person before they realise their own feelings

doing something nice for the other impulsively

growing softer in their attitude towards the other

finding themselves daydreaming about the other

being annoyed by how much the other occupies their thoughts/their daily life

realising certain single traits of the other they like/adore

being in the other's debt, so they can't hate them so much anymore, they 'have to' like them at least a little

getting flustered when the other is nice to them

realising they're feeling much better when they know that the other is happy

enjoying making the other smile

^ and being worried afterwards about these new strange sensations towards the other's happiness

*eye-rolling* "Well, I guess I can do that for you."

feeling bad when they're treating the other shitty

feeling bad when they're ignoring the other

telling themselves that they can be nice without that having to mean they like the other (that's totally normal, right? to give someone a gift and it doesn't mean anything)

A talking to C about B: "Yes, we're getting along better now. But I mean, it's normal, right? To do nice things, even though you weren't on good terms just a week ago. People change. Relationships change. But that doesn't mean we like each other, alright?"

spending hours wondering who the other actually is and what they mean to them

"Nothing has changed." *when in fact, everything has changed*

"It has always been like this." *when in fact, they're losing their mind about not seeing sooner how it has actually been*

"Come on, it can't come as a big surprise to you." *when in fact, it's the biggest surprise to themselves*

[dreamytfw]

You've heard of "pretending to be bi for a joke" Misha. Now get ready for genocide denialist Misha!!!

[fell-contract]

bday ‘24 outtakes 🎬

[ruporas]

kiss (ID in alt text)

[nostalgic-shamefest]

IS IT?

He really said that with a straight face huh

[checkertrains]

“Fucking hell…”

Adam got caught ogling Lucifer, but Lucifer doesn’t really mind.

A lil comic that I wiped up outta nowhere cause inspiration hit 🙏🤠 idk lol

[iite-cool]

he can't be gentle. how could he possibly be something that was beaten out of him so cruelly at such a young age?

you don't get soft fingers dancing lightly along your hairline as you sleep on his lap, no, you get a large, calloused paw brushing back your hair so he can see your pretty, pretty features better cos it was annoying him. he can't hold your hand don't be daft he'll crack your smaller bones in half... is the reasoning he hopes that will convince himself to stop fucking thinking about playing with your pretty fingers and pressing soft kisses to them. he's not soft! he's a killing machine! he knows nothing but anger and rage and numbness. so what is this strange fuzzy sensation in the hollow hole in his chest that he feels? why does it feel good? why is it making him fucking smile?

when he curls his mass around your sleeping body, don't be mistaken. he doesn't want to feel the way you fit perfectly against him. he's just.. trying to swallow you whole. he's not trying to get closer to you no no he's actually attempting to steal your joy. it's not as if you lessen the, thus far, endless and overwhelming burden of his corporeal blight oh no he's just using you.

everytime he presses his mouth against you and doesn't suck your blood out, he reasons that he's practising self-control and instead forcing himself to leave featherlight kisses that make you giggle oh so sweetly even when he knows deep down that he'd pluck out every one of his own teeth if even one dared puncture your skin. simon's not a soft man. he's not a gentle man. he's killed countless with the very hands that you play with. he tells himself you mean nothing to him, that he could walk away and forget you whenever he felt like it but everytime he wishes that his fingers were softer so that they may be more pleasant upon your skin and everytime he wishes that his lips were less chapped so that you may kiss him more, he knows he's fighting a losing battle.

simon riley will become a soft and gentle man in your embrace and there's not one thing he can do to prevent it.

masterlist

pls comment i have so many thoughts about this man that need to be talked about xx

[reimeichan]

Signs of having DID that I ignored (note that these are not exclusively signs of DID but they were for me):

I don't have amnesia, that's just short term memory loss because I have ADHD!

I actually have a very good memory, I'm great at memorizing things (what do you mean that's not the same thing)

sure it may seem like my mood changes drastically but I've read online that's common in people with ADHD! it's hard for us to regulate our emotions!

so what if I have different preferences from time to time? that's normal right? like when your mood changes you may prefer different foods? what do you mean that's not the same as going from "I hate spicy foods" one day to "omg I LOVE spicy foods!" the next?

yeah okay I tend to space out in the middle of conversations then come back to and need you to remind me what you said for the past 10 seconds or so. that's just my ADHD inattentiveness. what do you mean that I only do this when stressed. what do you mean that's a form of dissociation.

speaking of dissociation, sure sometimes I feel like I'm watching myself say and do things without my own input but that's just because I was tired/stressed out

yeah sometimes I go on autopilot. my autopilot seems to have its own agenda sometimes though. weird.

sure I changed usernames a *few* times but isn't that pretty common? yeah I also wanted to change how I presented online and also my pronouns and stuff but again isn't it common for people to want to start over sometimes?

*making multiple accounts to play the same game because I play the game differently on different accounts and don't want to mess things up on one account*

oh yes, I'm genderfluid! I say that because my gender absolutely changes from moment to moment and sure it seems kinda tied to other aspects of myself like color preferences and energy levels and personality traits but I'm pretty sure that's just par for the course with genderfluidity?

"you're so different when you're around your parents vs when you're at school/work vs when you're hanging out with friends!" yeah that's called being a complex person we all have different masks we wear in different social situations and I'm no different even if it seems more extreme for me

"how was school/work/the hang-out/going to visit your parents?" I don't know I'm tired and have a giant headache and can't remember

"you said this to me the other day and it made me feel <x>" what????? I literally have no memory of this and that's so incredibly out of character for me wtf I would never do that I was probably just really stressed out and tired and had no filter on.

[rennelelorren]

My first actual zutara art, guys!!!!

And, wow, my inner child was healed a little in the proces (I always was scared to draw them).

[housewifebuck]

buck: gets flirted with

eddie: not in my house

[sophiamarieispinkbunny-chan]

Loid "Cannot be separated to his wife without missing her for even just a couple of minutes/hours" Forger

This man didn't even touched his cake since he's waiting for his wife to come back so they can eat the cake together while Anya is already devouring her piece 😂😂 It's sweet for him to have this habit that he eats when Yor eats as well. What a husband attitude. And did you see how he defended Yor's innocence in this chapter?

He always gets so defensive when it comes to Yor, since Camilla's party, he defended her in front of her coworkers, in the Eden interview when Swan badmouthed her ability as a mother, he defended her and he was genuinely upset with the way Swan embarrassed his wife, when Nightfall said that Yor's being uncooperative and she should be replaced as his wife, his tone and glare changes into a defensive demeanor. Loid always comes to her defense without missing a beat, and he wasn't calculating those reactions, he did these without the mission on his mind.

This man is already slowly falling in love with her from the very beginning and I think by the time Yor's secret would be revealed to him, not even her real identity as a killer would stop him from being with her for he's already and irrevocably down bad for her

[cavityinmybrain]

something thats been helping us a lot recently has been letting alters just exist. i see a lot of systems who have strict roles and distinct alters, and it can be stressful to see that be the “norm” when our system isnt like that.

we’ve tried forcing individuality, but it only let to more dormancy. we tried figuring out everyones role, but there are too many alters who front just to do very specific things.

now, we are just letting ourselves exist as we are and communicating is way easier. we dont lose so much time anymore. i can remember a lot more (even if i still have emotional detachment).

i guess im just saying that as a system, do what helps you.

tracking fronts? go for it. assigning roles? pop off. making picrews and profiles for every person? thats so awesome.

if you can’t do any of that? you aren’t less of a system.

[aromantic-diaries]

Idk if I've said this before but I feel like the bi to aro/ace pipeline wouldn't be half as common as it is if asexuality and aromanticism weren't forgotten all the time when it comes to discussing sexuality. I think it's funny to joke about it and seeing how it's something that so many people experience has definetly been helpful in making me feel less alone but sometimes I think about how I would have known I was aro and ace much sooner if I knew more about these identities like I did about bisexuality