#and my body's used to waking up at 8-ish so i ended up awake around then

[antiquarianandunusual]

I’m running on 3 1/2 hours’ sleep, rewatching season two, and writing what is one of the single most angsty short fics I have ever written. Life is good. :)

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

The great regular sleep experiment of 2024 day uh... "too much tea"

Well it turns out that while caffeine helps me sleep fine for my morning slot... Drinking a lot of fluids doesn't...

Other than being up to pee a whole lot, I slept well enough, ended up staying in bed till closer to 3 on account of the getting up to pee a bunch. Lesson learned. That could have gone way worse.

I *think* these sleep shifts are as good as it's going to get. One is even right after morning errands where I get in, put stuff away and want nothing more than to shower and fall into bed.

Also Pumpkin will let me sleep for 4 hours at a time, if it's at times he's used to me doing it and if it doesn't go on much longer than that... Because babies [cats] need to be fed every 4 hours :/ [this one does]

Right now I'm still a bit hyper-thyroid though, and it just got warm out, and I think my immune system is 'activating' against something again, so I have been trying to push myself to do chores if I am going to be awake and feel physically horrible anyway.

I did that thing where after scrubbing the floor yesterday and letting it dry, I swept it again today in greater detail and washed it again. Ooooh aaaah clean floors. Cleaned the toilet, washed dishes, did some sink laundry.

AND I FOUND MY 'O' KEY!!! I have a full keyboard again!

The main thing is I am trying to keep all the cleaning and organizing 1. Quiet and 2. done at a pace I could maintain on most days, because if I get a bee in my bonnet about it and wear myself down, i might get a huge chunk done... I might even get the 'rest' as done as it can be, but then I will crash and have to recover, which might mean falling behind on everything again and breaking any fragile habits, and I don't want to do that...

The only issue I see with this sleep schedule is it tends to take me 4 ish hours to wake up after sleeping and a bit to wind down... So the 5 hours between my sleeps works fine on days where I can spend that 5 hours doing nothing much, but on days where I need to do stuff --that isn't groceries before morning bedtime and crashing-- it means 8 hours spent sleeping, plus the five in between that I can't use, plus another 3 minimum to get running, plus whatever hours I sleep past 2pm because i need extra sleep, and then having those remaining hours be in the middle of the night.

The only other way to approach it is by waking up and immediately throwing myself into doing things before I am awake enough to process anything, like how much it hurts... And that can be okay for basic cleaning, but I am so out-of-it when I first wake up that doing anything with anything heavy or sharp or powered becomes actively dangerous. ... Which is why it usually takes me 4 ish hours to get running because otherwise I am not alert... and that leaves... maybe 7 hours. Mostly being at night will add to my ability to being alert, and those hours would be great for working on art or writing and quiet creative projects, but it's not workable for any kind of tool use, or any heavy cleaning or organizing. [If I had my own house it would be fine]

And the problem is that if I am left with no times of day that are convenient to do a thing... I end up unconsciously avoiding it without realizing what's getting in my way. I KNOW I do that, so I am trying to set myself up for success instead of failure.

My remaining hope is that as I get used to this schedule, if I can keep it without the *symptoms*... I'll start to get alert or sleepy faster when it's appropriate and struggle less to do things during the 5 hours between sleeps.

On the bright side at least I am *mostly* only fighting my own body for this, but not having roommates to also have to work around... Just apartment neighbours.

If I can just get really used to a half-awake 5 hours of misery on any morning I have to get shit done, it'll be mostly fine, probably??

[xxreader-writerxx]

Already Won

Word count: 2.1k

Fred Weasley x Fem Reader

Warnings: Cursing, angsty, Cheating Mentioned, Blood Mentioned, Knife Kink Mentioned, Reader nearly cuts finger off, Panic Attack-ish (Fred), Poor Plot, Snogging at the end, and Abandonment Issues

A/n: This isn't amazing it was just to kick my arse into writing again lol, fighting writers block atm

Y/N= Your Name L/N= Your Last Name Y/H= Your House

I'm cutting vegetables in the kitchen for dinner when I hear the door unlock. I smile to myself and grab the coffee I made, reheating it with a quick spell. "Baby! Did you get the creamer while you were out?" I ask, turning the corner. "I was supposed to?" I hear a different voice than what I was expecting respond. "Oh its you." I say plainly, annoyed by the sight of my ex boyfriend Draco. "Hey darling. I missed you." He says, walking to try to give me a hug but I push him away disgusted. "Didn't I dump you like what five months ago? After you cheated on me with Pansy?" I ask, turning to go into the kitchen. "Your still on that? I'm back so everything can go back to normal!" He says and I scoff. "Nope." I say when I hear the door open.

"Baby, the witch down the street ran out of creamer but, I got coffees down the street. Then I dropped them on myself trying to get inside." I hear Fred ramble. I walk out chuckling and see him stripping as he walks into our room. "The coffee burns." He says, still distracted by getting clean clothes on. I walk over with Draco tailing behind me. "Honey, someone's here." I tell him and he whips his head around, grabbing his shirt to cover himself. "Shit. Sorry sorry.... Not sorry what the hell is he doing here?" He asks, seeing Draco. "Figuring it out myself- Oh my god Freddie, how hot were those coffees?!" I ask, seeing a burn mark forming on his shoulder.

"I wanted them to be hot enough to make it home." He says sheepishly. I walk over, grabbing the burn medication I conjured after discovering having Fred Weasley as a boyfriend means a lot of burns to heal. I pull down the sleeve and rub the ointment on. "Ow..." He moans and I nod sadly.

When I finish I put a bandage on him and take his hand. I bring him to the fridge and grab a lolly. "Suck on this while it heals, it'll cool your body." I say and he winks, placing the lolly on his tongue. "While I suck on this why don't you- Why are you still here." He says, breaking his flirty behavior to look at Draco who is glaring at Fred. "Name's on the lease." He says with a smirk. "You're kidding. He's kidding." He says looking at me upset. I freeze trying to think of a solution when I finally sigh. "He's right..." I say, I shove my face in his chest and he glares at Draco angrily. "You are going to leave." He says through gritted teeth. "Where would I go huh?" He asks, still cocky. "Do I give a shit? No. Now your things are in the hall closet, take those bags and leave." He repeats, keeping me against him.

"I don't remember your name on the lease." He says with a smirk and Fred nods. "Yeah but I have my initials on-" He says as he start to raise my shirt trying to reveal the initials he cut during an exciting night two days ago. I slap his hand and he looks at me cheekily. "Anyways, I guess you can stay in the guest room and I'll go unpack." He says and I grab his jacket before he can leave the kitchen. "Fix it." I say sternly and he groans. "I'll stay in the guest room." He mumbles and I nod promptly.

***

I wake up next to Fred and look for whatever woke me. I get up realizing its 5:37 and shake Fred softly. "Baby we need to get ready for work. I'll go make breakfast." I whisper and he nods into the pillow, golden ginger hair surrounding his freckled face softly. "Baby, if we told George what happened he'd understand, let's sleep in." He offers and I sigh. "If I had another owner to take care of my shop then I would jump in your arms but..." I say and he groans nodding.

I make my way into the kitchen to make us omelets when a figure makes me jump. "Fuck." I mutter as Draco takes a sip of his coffee. "Honey?" I hear from behind me and I turn to see Fred fiddling with his tie. I walk over smiling to myself at his loose tie and messy hair. "Stupid Blood Traitor can't even tie his own tie." I hear Malfoy mumble as I tied Fred's tie, getting angry I nearly behead Fred on accident but he stops me with a soft hold on my hips. "Here's the thing, Malfoy, I'm doing this... To do this." Fred says smirking pulling me in for his signature kiss. I sigh into the kiss almost forgetting about my troubles until they cough to signify they're still there.

"I'll make our breakfast, you work on tea?" I ask and he salutes cutely. I start chopping up onions when I feel myself get enveloped in a hug, Fred's face snug in my neck. His lips threateningly close to my neck, butterfly kisses every now and then. "What are you up to?" I giggle as his hands tickle my sides. "I just love you..." He whispers and I smile. "I love you more." I whisper and he kisses my cheek. "I'll cook the omelet, you go watch your program. It's on." He whispers and I turn, placing my hands on the counter behind me. "I can take care of the food. Don't worry about me." I whisper back and he kisses my lips softly. "Please? When else will your show be on this early?" He asks and I smile. "If you insist. But at least let me cut the peppers." I say and he nods.

***

I'm cutting dough in my café when I hear the door open. I smile warmly, keeping my eyes to the counter. "Hello! I'll be with you in a moment." I say when someone pushes my chin up softly. "Hey darling." Draco says and I groan. "Malfoy, I'm not your darling anymore. I'm dating Fred." I state, my entire body growing warm with anger. "I know, I know... But I wanted to try and win you back." He states, holding up a gold necklace. "You think I can be bought?" I ask, seething with anger. His face looses color as he shakes his head. "N-no! I meant this as a sorry-" He begins but I slam my knife down. "Get out."

I walk into the twin's shop, unusually tired, I see George and walk over lazily. "Hey- What the hell!?" He asks and he grabs my arm, tugging me to Fred's office. "Where are we going?" I ask lazily. "FRED." He yells banging on the door. Fred opens the door angrily but the anger turns to worry when he lays his eyes on me, or to be specific my finger. I cut it, deep. "Oh look at that..." I say and he scoops me up. "Oh god oh god..." He mumbles as I lay my head on his shoulder. "You smell nice." I whisper and he shakes his head. "What the hell happened?" He asks and I frown. "Draco came to my shop and gave me this." I say and I show him the necklace and he looks at it upset as he buckles me into the car. "You've lost a lot of blood..." He whispers, tearing up a bit. "I'm fineeee." I tell him and he kisses my forehead softly. "Just stay awake..." He whispers and I nod softly.

I wake up in a hospital bed and Fred is holding my hand. "Baby?" I ask roughly, my throat burning from sleep. "Thank god." He exclaims, holding me close to his chest. "Are you alright? Do you need anything?! You don't understand how happy I am to see your eyes open." He tells me, clutching my shirt tightly.

***

Ever since the accident Fred kicked Malfoy out and I got someone to take over the shop while I heal. Fred's been clingy since because he says he nearly lost me and every time I remind him it was only a bit of blood loss but he always responds with "same thing". Malfoy has been sending flowers, expensive gifts, and baskets each with a note begging me to take him back. I laugh at every package because they come from Pansy's apartment. Now its two months later both me and Fred going strong, and Malfoy hasn't given up.

I walk into the house back from groceries with Fred nowhere to be found. I hear shaky breathing from our room. I walk in and see Fred in the corner crying silently. "Freddie?" I ask and he hides his face in his arms. "I'll be out in a minute." He whispers and I sit next to him on the floor. "What's wrong?" I ask and he cries again. "Nothing, don't worry about it." He whispers and I tug his hand to wrap around it. "Tell me..." I whisper back and place my free hand on his cheek. He leans into my hand, closing his eyes happily. "I love you..." I tell him and he sighs. "I'm sorry." He tells me and I furrow my eyebrows.

"Did you break something?" I ask and he laughs, wiping his nose. "No... I'm sorry I can't provide for you." He tells me and I finally am able to sit on his lap, his hands resting on my hips as he places his forehead in the crane of my neck. "What?" I ask and he digs his head further. "Malfoy gets you all these fancy gifts and I know I'm not enough. I don't have diamond necklaces, my flowers are always picked, and he has so much to offer... And I'm here being the idiot who has a joke shop instead of a stable job. Its a matter of time before he finally wins you back and I would understand, who'd want me over Malfoy..." He cries into my neck and I run my hands through his hair softly.

"No... Baby I don't care about jewels or money. I love your flowers, how you tell me why each one reminded you of me... I love you Freddie.... I could never be won by Malfoy wanna know why?" I coo into his ear softly. "Why?" He asks, looking up at me with his soft hazel eyes. "Because you've already won. A million times, you've won. When we became best friends at 8, when I saw you on the bus, when you left school, when you moved in with me after my break-up, not letting me ignore help by saying you needed a place to stay because George and Angelina were moving in when we both knew you could live at the burrow... Every day you have won me. How can I prove that?" I ask and he smiles sweetly. "You just did... I love you so so much." He whispers and I smile, kissing his nose.

I hear the doorbell ring and he looks towards the door upset. I groan getting up and open the door. Draco is there crying holding flowers. "Please." He whispers and I go to slam the door but he stops me. "I know I don't deserve it but please give me another chance. Weaslebee could never care for you, not like I can. So please take me back." He says and I get angered by those words. I grab his collar and shove him back. "Do not talk of Fred that way." I say and he scoffs. "You know he won't. I have money we can land on, he doesn't. So cut the bullshit and take me back." He spits and I punch him right in the nose. "Leave. And I don't mean my door, I mean my life Malfoy." I tell him as he doubles over, flicking him off.

I walk back into my house and find Fred smiling at me, eyes still puffy but I couldn't care less, he's beautiful. "I love-" Is all he can say before I grab his collar, pulling him into a long kiss. He leans into it after recovering from the shock. I wrap my arms around his neck as he pulls me to wrap my legs around his torso. He sits on the couch, pulling me flush against his body. "I love you so much..." He mumbles as we take a second to get air. "I love you more." I say, diving to attach my lips to his. He pulls away after a while and smiles, moving hair from my face softly. I smile back, a giggle escaping my lips. "What?" I ask and he kisses me softly. "I guess I did win." He whispers and I kiss him again.

[marvelousstevetony]

Hi! These prompts are from a while ago but I was just wondering if you could do

28. You’re so cute when you’re sick and needy.

47. Hiding sneezes

52. Did you just sneeze?

For stony? Like, maybe Steve and Tony are cuddling in bed with Steve cuddled into Tony’s chest, and steve keeps moving randomly. So Tony is wondering what’s going on and then figures out Steve is stifling sneezes into his chest and one comes out weird-ish? So maybe he blesses Steve and Steve gets really nervous because he’s been hiding his sneezes because he doesn’t want to move away from Tony... but Tony really doesn’t mind and finds it cute that Steve is so sneezy and that he feels safe/comfortable sneezing into him because he’s so tired he can’t get the energy to move away? Bonus: maybe Tony tells Steve to stop stifling and tells him he really doesn’t mind him sneezing into him? 😅😅😅

I’m sorry if that’s confusing and really specific. I just love the idea of Steve sneezing into Tony 😅. Feel free to tweak it as much as you want. Also, you don’t have to use all three prompts if you can’t figure out a way to.

Love your writing so much and thank you for the awesome content! :)

Hello, sweet anon! Thank you so much for this ask🥰 I love specific prompts since I don’t have to get too imaginative myself, lol! I would probably end up writing the exact same thing if I didn’t have prompts to go by😅 I hope you enjoy this small ficlet, and let me know if you have any other prompts you’d like me to do!

—————

“You’re still in bed?” Steve quirks an eyebrow at Tony who’s leaning back against the headboard, gaze focused on the tablet in his hand, tapping rapidly at the screen.

He’s wearing the glasses he keeps on his bedside table, because even if Tony doesn’t want to admit it he does need them, especially in the morning when his eyes are still adjusting to being awake. His hair is a rumpled mess, and his t-shirt is creased, probably from moving in his sleep since he sleeps restlessly when Steve gets out of bed.

He looks so good and soft, though, Steve thinks, with his glasses slightly askew and his morning hair, and Steve can’t help but smile at him when Tony looks up to see him leaning against the doorframe, hair wet from shower and wearing the soft sweatshirt he always puts on after working out.

“Well, my boyfriend left me while I was still sleeping to go for a run at 8 in the morning,” Tony says and smirks as he puts down his tablet, “on a Saturday, might I add.” He puts his arms over his head and stretches, sighing as he lets them drop back down onto the bed with a thump.

Tony’s eyes narrow for a second and twinkles with something mischievous, then he pats the empty slot beside him on the bed. Steve sighs, but he finds himself unable to deny getting back into bed with Tony and pads over the hardwood floor to sit down on the edge of the bed.

He’d woken up early that morning, even for him. He could tell it wasn’t time to get up yet, because the sun hadn’t risen, and when he’d looked at his phone to check the time, it was only 5:30. He had tried to go back to sleep, but he felt... odd. His head had been heavy and his eyes felt so tired. His nose had been a little stuffy, too, just enough that it felt uncomfortable to breathe through it. When he had tossed and turned for the better part of two hours, desperately wishing to doze off again but with no luck, he decided he might as well get up and go for his daily run. That would surely clear his head and freshen him up, Steve had thought.

It hadn’t.

“It wasn’t worth getting out of bed for,” Steve admits as he slip off Tony’s glasses, then strokes his thumb across his cheekbone.

“No?” Tony asks smugly and reaches around Steve to pull him him closer until Steve slings his feet onto the bed, shuffling into Tony’s sleep-warm embrace and resting his head on Tony’s shoulder.

“Definitely not,” Steve murmurs into the fabric of the white t-shirt and snakes his arms around Tony’s waist. He suddenly feels like he could sleep for hours without waking, and in the moment he wants nothing more than to just bury himself in Tony’s chest and resign to the steadily increasing exhaustion he feels all over. “Maybe we should just stay here all day.”

Tony snorts fondly and places a kiss into the shower-damp, blonde hair. “Not that I’m complaining, but weren’t you the one harassing me for still being in bed just two minutes ago?”

“Hmph,” Steve grunts and nuzzles his face into the crook of Tony’s neck. “Don’t listen to me, I’m stupid.”

That makes Tony laugh, and Steve can feel the way his skin stretches, can imagine how his eyes crinkle, when he smiles. “You’re not stupid,” he assures and sighs contentedly as Steve shifts underneath the duvet, getting comfortable against him. “We can lie here as long as you want.”

They stay like that for a while, both of them on the verge of drifting off to a slumber when a slight buzzing in his nose demands Steve’s attention. He wrinkles his nose, then presses it into Tony’s collarbone when the tickle becomes more persistent. He can tell he’s going to sneeze when his eyes start tearing up, but he can’t get himself to move. All of a sudden, he realises how lethargic and achy his limbs feel, and before he has a chance decide whether or not he should lean away from Tony, the itch crests.

He ends up stifling two silent sneezes into Tony’s chest, head jerking a tiny bit, but he keeps it mostly under control and gives a tentative sniffle when he hopes he’s finished after the double.

He isn’t, though, because a sudden sneeze creeps up on him before he can swallow back the urge. He stifles it again, but this one is more forceful and makes his entire body jolt when he smothers it into Tony’s clavicle.

Then, Steve tenses, because Tony shifts, and Steve was sure he was asleep. He wasn’t, though, and he must’ve felt the random movements coming from Steve since he asks, “You alright?”

Steve just nods, praying Tony will let it go and close his eyes again. But, of course, the itch resurfaces, and Steve would very much like to talk whatever deity is watching over him in this instant.

He gears up to silence yet another sneeze, holding his breath to avoid an attention-grabbing gasp and hoping that maybe luck is going to be on his side and make the tickle disappear before it peaks. It doesn’t disappear.

Steve squeezes his eyes shut as he stifles the sneeze, but this time it’s just too strong to fully mute and he involuntarily lets out a squeaky sound at the end, “hgnxt-tsCHiew!”

Exhaling slowly, Steve bites his lip and tries to stay as still as possible.

“Did you just sneeze?”

Shit.

A million thoughts run through Steve’s mind when he tries to decide how to answer. Should he deny it and try to act ignorant? Or maybe he should just admit that, apparently, he’s caught a wicked case of the sniffles. He weighs his options, but he never gets to voice either thought, because the itch returns with such urgency that he hurriedly turns away from Tony.

“huh-uhhETCH’oo! uhTSCHH!” The sneezes tumble out with such force that Steve feels it burn in the back of his throat, and he gives a few coughs in surprise before launching into another duo of sneezes. “Heh... ehCH’sshh! EISH’oo! Nng...”

Steve groans, a pained sound that proves just how bad he feels.

“Bless you!” Tony exclaims and rubs a comforting hand on Steve’s back. “Where did all those come from? Wait—“ Coming to a halt, Tony sits up a little straighter and tugs at Steve until he rolls onto his back, a bleary and woozy expression on his face. “Steve, those convulsion... why have you been trying to stifle your sneezes?” Tony looks at him with a confused and somewhat disapproving glare. “You know you shouldn’t do that.”

Steve sniffles a good few times, then lets out a stuffy sigh. Now that he’s been busted he might as well just admit to it all. “‘M sorry,” he croaks, voice gravelly from the throat-scraping sneezes. “We were all cuddled up, and I didn’t want to move, but I didn’t want to sneeze all over you either...” He shies away when Tony runs his index finger down the bridge of Steve’s nose, feeling the congestion begin to settle like concrete in his sinuses. “Sorry, I’mb all gross ndow.”

“You’re not gross, not at all,” Tony says and shakes his head, then pulls Steve’s head down onto his chest again. “Here, lay back down,” he soothes and offers Steve a small, affectionate smile.

Steve hesitates at first, but he finds that he has no will to pull back and lets himself be persuaded into settling into the warmth of Tony and the blanket.

“eh’Cchdt!” Steve holds back another sneeze that he muffles into Tony’s t-shirt, followed by a violent shudder that goes all the way from his shoulders to his toes. “Guh... sorry, I keep sdneezi’g.”

“It’s alright, sweetheart. Bless you, by the way,” Tony says sincerely and nuzzles a kiss to Steve’s temple. “You know you don’t have to hold them back like that, right? You can just sneeze. I really don’t mind...” Tony voice is all soft and fond and a little concerned as well.

Steve blushes, glad that Tony can’t see his face and the way his cheek turn crimson at the sentiment. “Are you, uh... are you sure?” he asks nervously.

“I promise I don’t mind,” Tony guarantees and cups Steve’s jaw, inching his face closer until he can catch Steve’s lips between his own, proving that he really doesn’t care about whatever super-soldier-germs Steve is distributing. “Plus, you’re cute when you’re all sick and needy. I didn’t think I’d live to see the day where you’re the one suggesting we stay in bed all day,” he adds when Steve has to pull away to breathe.

Steve huffs against Tony’s mouth, then ducks his head to cough. His coughs are starting to get a rough, tired edge to them that tells Tony this is more than just the sniffles and that Steve really has caught some awful cold.

Tony curls himself a little tighter around Steve, encompassing him in both legs and arms as he sniffles quietly.

Then Steve sniffles again, more eagerly this time, and Tony knows by the wavering sound that he’s trying to fight off another bout of sneezes.

“Just sneeze, honey,” he coaxes, smiling to himself when Steve nods and draws in a series of short breaths. “I got you...”

A final, unsteady inhalation launches Steve into a fit of congested, tired-sounding sneezes that he muffles into Tony’s collarbone. “Huh... huptCH’ushh! uhh? Uhhushiew! Hh-h! HuhhISShhuu! snffSNFF! Oh...”

The release feels so good that Steve can’t help the quiet moan that follows the sneezes. He rubs his nose back and forth on Tony’s chest, clearing the lingering itch before relaxing into the comforting embrace.

Tony feels a rush of warmth and affection surge through him from the small, contented noises coming from Steve, letting himself bask in the glory of Steve’s body pressed this closely against his own. “This is really nice,” he says, voicing his thoughts bluntly.

Steve hums quietly. “Yeah,” he agrees and squeezes Tony a little tighter. He lifts his head to look into Tony’s warm, brown eyes through his blurry vision. The love and devotion he sees when he meets the caring gaze is clear, though, and his voice goes sweet as sugar when he continues, “You make being sick a lot less crappy.”

With a smile stretching from ear to ear, Tony leans down to rest their foreheads together. “You get sappy when you’re sick, Rogers,” he chuckles, brushing his nose against Steve’s.

Steve smiles, too, but it’s more serious, it’s earnest, expressing sincerity in a way only Captain America himself can embody. “You make life a lot less crappy, too.”

[yourlocalslasher]

Dawn - Bo Sinclair

More self insert stuff because I can’t control myself. I had this dream last night that I went hunting Boseph Sin-dum dum and it was really sweet so I’m gonna write a short fic and yOU’RE GONNA DEAL WITH IT. And also I’ll keep the hunting terms down to a minimum since they can be confusing ;-;

“Alright now, I’m gonna unpack my shit an’ you follow my lead, sound good?” You nodded to Bo, closing the car door before pulling your hat down.

He’d brought you to a nice woody area to start off deer season, waking you up at the crack of dawn to get ready. You’d gotten to down one cup of coffee, and yet you still felt extremely tired.

It was freezing cold outside, the sun not even up yet. You shivered beneath your camo attire, shuffling over to Bo with your shotgun. He made his way deeper into the trees, going to get in farther before he settled down.

You kept following him, leaves crackling under your feet as you did. Hearing something scamper by, you rushed to stand right by his side. Bo went on walking, smiling to himself when he felt your hand fumble to hold his.

He dragged his thumb over your hand, attempting to warm it maybe even a little. You’d pressed your body close to his, continuing to shuffle into the darkness. Bo had a flashlight in his empty hand, the limbs on the ground casting frightening shadows.

His shotgun was slung over his shoulder with a strap, which he took off when he found a quiet place to sit. Of course you did the same, setting your own gun down at your side.

Bo was setting up, huffing to himself while he bitched about the cold. You were technically already ready, your gun in your lap with your back against a tree. Bo was sitting right next to you, adjusting his hat.

You were a little more awake now, a little more conscious of your surroundings. The sun was going to be up soon, the sound of crickets being replaced with ones of birds singing.

He leaned towards you, smearing some black and green greasepaint on his face. “An’ now we wait.” It was barely even a whisper.

This was your least favorite part of hunting. Waiting for an hour, if not more, just to maybe get one kill. Your feet had almost frozen to the point of being numb, your fingertips doing the same. Sometimes you really couldn’t believe you were in Louisiana.

Everything had gone silent now, deathly silent. Bo had turned down the flashlight, leaving just enough light for the both of you to be able to see in front of you.

Seriously, you half expected Jason Voorhees to come running through the forest with his infamous machete. The atmosphere was eerie, that’s when you recalled that you hadn’t been to this part of the woods before.

More time passed, and you’d drifted back into your sleepy state. Now you could clearly see a faint yellow-ish orange aura past the trees. There still wasn’t much noise, but it had gotten a bit warmer.

You turned to look at Bo, giggling softly to yourself once you saw he’d passed out. Bo had such an innocent sleeping face, it was cute. You’d never know he was one of the toughest guys in Louisiana if you judged him by it.

His mouth was hanging open slightly, making very little noise at all. The temptation was strong, you just wanted to smash your lips onto his. But you knew that would make the leaves crackle, waking him up only to be pissed that you might’ve scared off nearby animals. So you kept to yourself.

5 more minutes went by, and that’s when you finally heard something. Some leaves in front of you crunched, and your head jolted up. You quickly picked up your gun, nudging Bo with your elbow.

“Hm-?” He blinked a few times before turning to you. “Shh...” Hushing him, you nodded towards the deer that peered out from behind a tree.

Bo finally understood, hurrying to get his gun back in place before the deer wandered off or got spooked. You got so caught up in watching him, you’d set your own gun down.

He raised it, using every ounce of energy he currently had to focus on his target. With a bang, the deer dropped to the ground. You remained silent, waiting for Bo’s signal.

“I hit’a vital organ I’m sure. ‘S fine c’mon.” He raised his voice now that the animal was down, standing up to walk to it. Bo kicked it with his boot, making sure the animal was done for indeed.

You decided to stand, walking to the deer corpse. Bo bent over, looking it over. “It’sa beauty ain’t it?” He seemed so happy with himself. You smiled, happy that he was happy. “Damn sure is.” 

Then you looked at your watch, hesitant to end the fun but you knew he wanted to be up in Ambrose before Vincent and Lester got up. “Shit- its almost 8:30 Bo we gotta go-” You bit on your lip while you awaited his response.

Bo sighed long and hard before looking back to you. “Help me carry this fucker back to the truck, an’ lets head on back home.” You instantly bent over, crunching leaves under your boots.

Once you grabbed one end and Bo had the other, you started to head back to the truck. He chucked it into the back, shaking the whole truck. Bo’d gone around to his side of the truck, and you’d come around the front to meet him.

The greasepaint smeared onto your face, your lips curling. A surprise kiss, one of Bo’s favorites. His hands found a way to the sides of your face, and you pressed harder. When you both ran out of air, he pulled back and gave you a quick forehead kiss.

“Mm, thanks darlin’.”

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Pinky Promise

Bucky half-listened to his boyfriend on the phone. Clint was struggling to get a word in edgewise against the torrent of complaints being lobbed at him. 

“Jennie,” he said, “What do you mean Sierra broke the test?” He sighed, “Well we already knew that. It’s her legs that don’t work properly. Not her brain.” Clint carded his fingers through his hair and sighed, “I know, I know. Look. I’ll do my best. She can’t keep moving schools like this. She needs some stability or she’s gonna start falling behind. This is the 6th school Eve’s put her in since Kindergarten.” He listens for a second and Bucky watches him. He looks worried. Defeated. And Bucky doesn’t wonder what the call is about. Sierra. His daughter. An 8-year-old with his big blue eyes and dirty blonde hair. The one person in Clint’s life more important to him than anyone else... The one person Bucky didn’t mind being upstaged by, even if he’d not officially met her.

“Okay, Jennie,” he said finally, “we’ll make this a test run. At least if she’s here, she’ll be safer... ish. Tell her I’ll meet the plane when she gets here. And that Nat is dying to make some cookies.” Bucky smiles a little. It seemed like all the avengers had a soft spot for her. Even Steve. Sierra was their little mascot. A welcome distraction from fighting and training. Clint hung up the phone and flopped back on the bed with a groan.

“What’d she break now?” Bucky asked pulling shoes on. Clint smiled a little, “An assessment to see how she was doing in math... The school is saying it’s a glitch and keeps making her retake it.”

“Why?” Bucky asked confused, “Shouldn’t they just put her in calculus or something?”

Clint snorted, “That’s what no one tells you about having a smart disabled kid. For every teacher that treats them like some weird inspirational story about defying odds, there are like two more that treat them like they belong in a freak show.”

Bucky frowned, “What’s the difference?”

“Inspirational kids get hallmark movies,” Clint said bitterly. “I fucking hate this. She’s 8 and she’s a smart kid. Just let her be a smart kid. Stop testing her. Six schools and every school it’s the same thing. The same bullies. The same New Kid thing. They yell at her for being smart then yell at her for dumbing herself down. Then to add insult to injury they shout at her for not playing with the kids that bully her.”

“What are you going to do?” Bucky asked quietly. They’d already talked about it. He knew. Clint wanted to bring her here to live. At least for a little while, until he found a better option. Until Eve would stop leaving her with an Aunt or a Cousin to go try and play rockstar.

“My best,” Clint answered, “She deserves that much.”

_______________

“Dad!” 

The voice, his daughter’s voice made him turn and he laughed, throwing his arms out to scoop her up. “Hey, Sunshine!” he says, sweeping her easily up off her feet and hugging her close. She’s slight. A little undersized, a consequence of being born too early and underdeveloped. He knows that under her blue jeans there’s leg braces. But as she spider monkey hugs his torso, he’s too happy to see her to worry about how small she still is. 

“Good flight?” he asks, brushing hair out of her eyes, a little anxious. She looks tired but as she nods and rests her head on his shoulder, he decides it’s not serious. That she just needs a nap and a snack. He kisses her head and picks up her little bag. It’s purple and covered in sparkly stickers. Clint reflected happily as he put his sleeping daughter in the car that he loved this and he’d happily keep her this age forever. He buckles her into the booster seat and tucks her stuffed mammoth into her arms gently before walking around to the driver’s side door. Hopefully, he thought, the drive from here to the compound would be a long enough nap. He wanted Bucky to meet her at her feistiest. He deserved to know what he was getting into. 

_____

Bucky was trying not to be anxious. Trying, and failing. He didn’t want her to hate him. Or worse still, be afraid of him. He didn’t want to worry about the implications her living there would have to his relationship. But as Clint pulled up slowly, he couldn’t help it.

“Bucky,” Nat said laughing, “Relax, it’ll be okay. You’re not the first boyfriend Clint’s ever had. You’re just the first one he’s introducing.”

“What if she hates me?” he asked.

Nat snorted, “Bucky, it’ll be okay. Just remember, she’s not a doll. Even if Clint carries her around like one... He’s the only one who can.”

As if on cue, Clint got out of the car and unbuckled her booster seat, lifting up the sleepy girl and rubbing her back gently. “Shh,” he soothed, “It’s okay. We’re here. Nat’s waiting on you.” Bucky couldn’t hear Sierra’s murmured reply but it made Clint laugh and cuddle her gently.

“Gimme,” Nat said holding out her arms and scooping the kid up easily, “I missed my partner in crime.” She hefted the slight weight higher on her hip and kissed her head and little arms wrapped around her neck. “Hey, Tasha,” she said rubbing her eyes. “Hey, Princess,” Nat said, “Still waking up, huh?” You nod, yawning and she smiles, ruffling your hair fondly. 

Sleepy Blue eyes fixed on him and Clint tugged the end of her ponytail gently, “This is Bucky,” he said, “He keeps me out of trouble when you’re not here.”

“He doesn’t do a very good job,” she says rubbing her eyes, and tracing the new scar on his forearm. Clint snorted, “He’s not had as much practice.”

“You’ll have to show me the ropes,” Bucky said, wrapping his metal arm around Clint’s waist gently. She nods and Bucky watches as she squirms to be put down, awake enough now to want to stand up. Nat obliges easily, setting her down and subtly making sure she’s steady on her own before actually letting go. 

“Can I take my braces off now?” she asks.

Clint nods, “We’ll get your stuff up in your room and you can be barefoot for a while. I know. It’s probably not any fun flying with them on. Especially since your feet don’t touch the floor.” She nods and Clint ruffles her hair affectionately. Bucky watches the two of them walk side by side, Clint slowing his steps to accommodate for her shorter legs and her limp. Tony, Bruce, Steve, Thor... They all paused to ruffle hair and get a hug, seemingly oblivious to her fragile little body. Bucky didn’t realize until he saw her up close how small Sierra really was. How easily someone... he could hurt her if he wasn’t careful. It made him want to keep his distance. Watching Clint with her made him feel out of place. A feeling that only intensified by the hour.

The archer was a good dad, if a little absent. He knew exactly what hid kid liked to eat. The names of all her teacher, her favorite subject in school. He had a million pet names and he knew exactly what to do for skinned knees. Mostly, Bucky learned quickly that evening, that Sierra was more self-sufficient than he thought she’d be. That was a comfort. He’d worried that she wouldn’t be able to do... anything really.

Stairs were hard. Pouring drinks from a pitcher was hard. Tying shoes was a nightmare. But it could all be done. It was just... slow. Achingly slow. While irritating, it wasn’t impossible. That was... fine, he guessed. He wasn’t sure what to make of her. She was quiet around him. Stuck close to the people she knew. Not afraid of him but... wary. 

As he listened to Clint tucking his daughter into bed, evidently reading a book that she had read dozens of times, complete with silly voices, it was strange. Clint didn’t do silly voices. He wasn’t serious but this was just so... wholesome. There were no dirty jokes. There were no sarcastic answers to questions. He was soft. So very soft. Wrapped around little fingers. Putty in little hands. About the time Clint was covering her face in kisses that made her giggle and tucking her stuffed toy into her arms, Bucky started to feel like he was creepy. Started to feel like he shouldn’t be hearing Clint singing “You are my sunshine” to her softly. He knew Clint did that. That he had since she was a baby. That it was the only lullaby-like thing Clint had ever heard. Or felt right to sing to her.

Bucky felt a little lost. Clint was a human disaster. A snarky asshole. A hero. It was hard to wrap his mind around the idea of Clint also belonging to someone else. A 50 pound 8-year-old with leg braces and a vocabulary that made Bucky feel like an idiot around the time she correctly used the word fascist in a sentence. Watching Clint brush a soft kiss against her head was like watching a scene from a movie. A scene that didn’t necessarily have space for a semi-stable 100-year-old man.  

Clint flopped down on the couch with a groan and stretched lazily, “Well. That went well.” he said.

“Did it?” Bucky asked, “She hardly talked to me.”

“She’s kinda like a cat. Give her time and then you’ll miss the quiet.”

“Does Nat miss it?” he asked.

“No,” Clint chuckled, “Someone’s gotta give her an outlet for all her overprotective instincts.”

“Oh no.”

“They have tea parties... and I dread the day Sierra starts dating. Tasha is gonna lose her shit.”

“And you won’t?” Bucky asked quirking an eyebrow.

“I mean... probably? But honestly, I’m more worried about the fate of the first poor boy to break her heart.”

That makes Bucky snort, “Nah,” he teases, “She’s gonna break all the hearts. She’s a cute kid.”

“Thankfully she looks like her mom.”

“Shut up, you’re hot.”

Clint blushed and Bucky stole a kiss, carding fingers through his hair. The reassurance was nice. Clint melted into the touch like he always did, even if he didn’t burn under his hands.

“Thank you,” Clint said quietly when they pulled away.

“For what?”

“For staying. I know you didn’t quite sign up for the Step-Parent gig when you hooked up with me.”

Bucky smiled a little, “I signed up for you,” he said. “Sierra is part of the deal... I just. I just don’t want to hurt her.”

“You won’t,” Clint soothed, “I know you won’t. I wouldn’t have let you near her if I thought you were.”

The Assassin nodded, thinking.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Clint asked after a long moment.

“Does she like the Zoo?”

Clint smiled a little and kissed his head, “She does... We should take her tomorrow. The last hurrah before school.”

“School,” Bucky snorted, “She knows what triskaidekaphobia means... I’d say she doesn’t need school.”

“You’re probably right,” Clint said grinning, “But, she’s gotta do something with her time.”

[barbarasbae]

Just a Taste-Californiacation

Part Seven of Just a Taste

Vampire!Billy Hargrove x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: emotions, fluffy af 

Road trip!

“What?” He asked incredulously. “We’re going to Santa Cruz. I really hope you have a map in the car.”

“Why?” 

“Why what?” She glanced over at him. “Why are we going to Santa Cruz?” 

“We’re gonna figure out how the hell to reverse this.” She said, gesturing to him and turned the heat up. “Okay, but why?”

“I like you, Billy.” She said, biting her lip. He would have blushed if he could. He squeezed her knee tighter. “I like you too.” He whispered. She let him turn up the music, reaching down to hold his hands when they were alone on a long stretch of road. Billy chattered about what he liked to do in Santa Cruz before he was turned into a vampire, telling her about the boardwalk and the gorgeous blue surfboard he used to own. It was now 3 am and Y/n pulled into a gas station. “Want me to drive from here?” 

“Sure. I can’t guarantee I’m gonna stay awake though.”

“It’s okay.” He decided to get gas while she went to the bathroom. She bought two water bottles and set them in the middle console when she got back. Billy drove for the majority of the next day, Y/n waking up at 11 am when they were about an hour away from the Iowa-Nebraska border. “Where are we?”

“Denison, Iowa.” She nodded, laughing at the growl her stomach suddenly let out. “I forgot about eating.” They stopped at a burger joint on the state line, Y/n groaning and reaching over the table to wipe his face. “I swear you’re doing this to spite me.” 

“Maybe.” She rolled her eyes, Billy smiling. “Do you actually like eating food?” 

He shrugged. “This is probably as close as I wanna get. You want my fries?”

“Sure.” She took them in the car, offering to drive the next leg of the trip. She was honestly surprised when he did. As they drove into Wyoming, the time change started getting to her a little. “This is the day that’s never gonna end.” 

“We’re driving into the sun.” He commented, looking out the window. “Look more cows. Wow.” 

“At least you have something besides concrete to look at.”  

They played the license plate game until it became unbearably boring as they slowly all became Utah plates. They reach Nevada by 8 pm (because of pit stops), Y/n having eaten about three full things of M&Ms, Billy on hamburger number four (he hadn’t drank human blood in weeks and it was getting to him). They stopped at a motel, Y/n passing out basically the second her body hit the dingy comforter. Billy took her shoes off and climbed into the bed with her, curling around her. He held her to his chest, her shifting closer to him in her sleep. 

Billy wakes up at 3 am and drinks the blood of a guy that got kicked out of a bar nearby for being disorderly (no, he didn’t kill him). He sits in the motel and watches crappy tv until Y/n wakes up at 5 am. “I’ll drive today.” She trudges out to the car, bag in hand, having changed into a sweatshirt instead of the bulkier winter clothes she’d been wearing when they left Hawkins. She fell asleep about 20 minutes into the drive, Billy smiling as he looked over at her every few minutes. “Watch the road, creep.” She teased him, blinking awake. “Sorry, you’re too distracting. You snore like a fucking lawn mower.”

“I snore?” Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

 “Nah.” About three hours later, she was starting to fidget. “Gotta pee.” She mumbled, Billy finding a gas station. He refilled his tank, both using the opportunity to use the bathroom. She grabbed them both a breakfast sandwich, as well as a coffee for herself and jerky for Billy. She handed it to him, Billy kissing her cheek so casually she almost dropped her coffee. “When do you think we’ll get there?” She asked as they got back on the interstate. He shrugged. “Three ish.” He was right. They crossed into California at 11ish, getting lunch about an hour later in Sacramento. She looked tired, Billy wondering what they were gonna get themselves into. 

They got to Santa Cruz a little earlier, Billy may or may not have gone 10-20 miles over the speed limit the last hour of the trip. “What do we do now?” She asked him, knowing they most likely couldn’t check into a motel for another hour or two. “Wanna go to the beach?” They found themselves in a surf shop, buying towels and swimsuits. She got sunscreen and flip flops, Billy renting a surfboard. They ate tacos from a food truck on the beach while sitting on the towels, the surfboard resting in the sand next to them. Billy thought she looked cute, her wearing her sweatshirt over the swimsuit. “What if we just stayed?” He asked, watching a wave break on the sandbar. “We can’t.” Her voice was muffled by the taco. “Why not? We’ve got each other? We can work odd jobs, get an apartment-”

“Billy, we’re not even dating. I can’t tell you yes just to be left behind...And I’d miss my family.” Billy only really had Max and Susan. Neil was scared of him, even if he did still try to beat the crap out of him. Billy sighed. His hand found hers on the towel, resting it over hers. “I’m sorry.” He poked at the sand. “I get it. I just might not go back with you.” She nodded, wiping her face with the back of her sleeve. “I’m...I’m gonna go call my mom.” She got up, sniffling, walking to the boardwalk and finding a pay phone. “Hey mom, it’s Y/n.”

“Oh, hi sweetie. Are you having fun at Logan’s house?”

“That’s why I’m calling you. I’m not at Logan’s.”

“Where are you?”

“Santa Cruz...California.” She admitted with a wince, knowing she was about to get screamed at. She preemptively held the phone a little farther from her ear. “YOU ARE WHERE?”

“California.”

“WHY THE HELL ARE YOU THERE?! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

“I’m sorry.” She whimpered, looking back to the beach to see Billy was gone. “My friend was having a really hard time and I really wanted to help them get away. I’m sorry. I’ll tell you everything when I get home, Okay?” She heard her mom sigh. “Okay. Please just be safe, sweetie, alright? I’m not really mad, I just wish you hadn’t lied to me about this.”

“I will be. I’m sorry mom.” She walked back to the beach, sitting on the towel before properly breaking down. She tried to calm herself, seeing Billy pretty far out in the water, paddling towards a big wave. When Billy comes back, the sun is still beating down on them. She was curled up on the towel, sweatshirt abandoned due to the heat. He smiled. Cute. “Babe.”

“...”

“Baby.”

“...what?”

“Whatcha doing?” She sat up slowly, thankful the blond boy was blocking out the sun. “Sleeping off all those hours in the car.” He looked up to check the clouds. “Wanna get in the water?” She nodded and got up, her face a little warm from a light sunburn. A squeal left her mouth as he threw her over his shoulder and ran into the water. He dropped her in, laughing as she stood up, sputtering. She pushed him, Billy falling on his ass. They both laughed, her helping him up. He pulled her close, leaning down like he was wanted to kiss her. She turned her head a moment before he could, holding his shoulders and jumping. He caught her just in time for a shoulder high wave to wash over them. “Oh my GOD that was cold.” He snorted, shaking his head. She reached up and pushed wet curls out of his face, looking at his face hard. “What?”

“You have freckles. They’re cute.” 

“Thanks.” He bit his lip. They stayed in the water a little longer, Billy deciding he needed to return the surfboard before he forgot. Y/n changed in a public bathroom, frustrated with the sand that never seemed to fully come off. She pulled on shorts she had bought earlier in the surf shop and her sweatshirt back on. She met him by the car, having pulled her hair out of her face. “Ready to go find dinner?” She nodded and climbed in, the pair finding a motel to stay in and then went for dinner. Billy ate yet another burger, Y/n deciding to try something new (she was getting sick of greasy burgers). “Oh my god did you just wipe your face?” She asked, teasing the blond. He groaned. “Okay maybe I do have manners. Sue me.”

“I plan on it.”

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[turtle-steverogers]

Departed- Chap 8

Read on a03 here

Warnings: None cuz Race deserves a goddamn break

IM SOrry if the grammar is OFF

It was way too early on a Saturday morning when a phone call woke Spot up.  Race sleepily reached up and pinched Spot’s nipple, sending a jolt through his body.  Spot yelped and swatted at Race’s hand, “Don’t do that, asshole.”

“Pick up your goddamn phone,” Race mumbled in response.  Spot sighed began to pry himself out of Race’s hold so that he could get his phone, but Race tightened his arms around him.

“You realize that I needa move to get my phone, right?” Spot said into Race’s curls.

Race whined, nestling his head further into Spot’s neck, “No, you’re warm,” the phone stopped ringing and Spot scoffed, “Looks like I’m not moving anyway.”

“Good,” Race hummed, “Back to sleep time- oh my god.”

They both groaned as Spot’s phone began to ring a second time.  

“Jesus, just get your phone,” Race said, rolling off of Spot.  Spot propped himself up on his elbow, leaning over to his bedside table to grab his phone.  He squinted at the bright screen to see that Albert was calling him.

“Al?” He answered.  

Race snorted behind him, “What does that idiot want?”

“I’m checkin’, Racer,” Spot said, kicking Race in the thigh.

“Rude,” Race grunted.

“You pinched my nipple earlier!  We’re even,” Spot exclaimed.

“Uh, hello?” Albert’s voice tentatively called through the speaker, “I’m still here.”

“Yes, hello,” Spot said, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, “What do you need?  It’s five in the fuckin’ mornin’.”

“Oh, it is?” Albert sounded surprised, “I didn’t even realize.”

“Fuckin’ insomniac.”

“Shut up. Is Race in the room?”

“Yes, dumbass, you heard us talkin’ didn’t ya?”

“Point taken.  So now that we’ve established Race’s presence, leave it.”

“Leave his presence?” Spot leaned forward to rest his head on his hand.

“Mhm, we gotta talk about somethin’.”

“Alright,” Spot said, standing up and slipping out of his room, “What’s up.”

“Let me in,” Albert demanded.

“Oh my god, Albert.  If I open my door are ya gonna be on the other side?” Spot asked, dreading the answer.

There was a pause on the other end, “Uh, maybe.”

“Jesus, okay, I’m in my underwear. Gimme a sec,” He heard Albert snicker, “Shut up, you literally woke me up.  I was sleepin’, which means I was in my sleep clothes.”

Spot stuck his head back into his bedroom and called out softly to Race, “Hey, couldya pass me my sweats?  They should be on the floor by the bed.”

Race kept his eyes closed as he groped around on the floor, eventually tossing Spot a pair of sweatpants.

“Thanks,” Spot whispered, slipping on the pants.  They were several sizes too big for him and he frowned, “Race, you passed me yours.”

“Suffer,” Race said, pulling the blankets tighter around himself.

“Do you two share a bed over there?” Albert asked.

Spot blushed, “Y-yeah, I mean it’s jus’, uh-”

“Hm, cute,” Albert said, thoughtfully, “Anyway, let me in.”

Spot hurried over to the door and opened it.  For a moment, he didn’t see anyone, then someone cleared their throat from the ground.

“You were takin’ too long,” Albert was sitting criss cross on the floor, dressed in a fluffy blue robe.  His phone was still pressed to his ear and Spot realized that they were still on call.

Spot smirked as he hung up the phone, peering down at Albert in the darkness, “You’re stupid, what do you want?”

“I needya ta come over,” Albert said, reaching his hands up towards Spot, who took them and hoisted him up, “Race’s birthday is tomorrow and we gotta have somethin’ awesome planned for him.”

Spot rubbed his eyes tiredly, “And we couldn’ta done this over breakfast?”

Albert twitched his nose and shook his head, “It’s really stressin’ me out that we don’t have this planned in final yet and it’s tomorrow. I got an idea, but I need your opinion.”

Spot knew better than to argue with Albert when he was stressed, “Alright, I’m comin’.  Lemme jus’ go tell Race I’ma be gone for a bit.”

Albert studied him for a moment, an odd look in his eyes, “Spot?”

Spot shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, “Uh, what.”

“Do you,” Albert lowered his voice to a whisper, “Do you have, uh, feelings for Racer?”

Spot sputtered, heat rushing to his face, “I dunno, uh, maybe?  I dunno.  I mean I know it’s wrong cuz he’s still so fucked up from Melissa, but-”

“Hey, whoa,” Albert held his hands up, effectively stopping Spot from rambling, “It’s fine, man, I was just wondering.”

Spot pursed his lips, glancing behind him towards his bedroom, “I’m fucked, dude.”

Albert smiled softly, “You’re really good to him, ya know?  Like since all this shit’s gone down with that bitch, you’ve really kept him upright.  He’s told me that.”

Spot blinked at Albert in surprise, “He has?”

“Yeah, dude, he said that despite everything else, you’re probably one of the best things in his life right now.  Romantic or whatever, he loves you a lot.”

Spot looked down to hide the smile that was growing on his face, “I’ll be right back, dude.”

“Aight,” Albert pulled out his phone and leaned against the doorframe, waving Spot off.

Spot padded over to his bedroom and opened the door, “Hey, Racer, Al needs help with somethin’ so I’ma go over to his place for a bit.”

Race lifted his head to look at Spot, concern etched across his face, “Is he okay?”

“Yeah, he’s fine,” Spot said, nonchalantly, “I’ll see ya later.”

“See ya.”  Spot carefully closed the door and grabbed his sweatshirt off its hook, pulling it over his head as he followed Albert out of his apartment.  They walked the short distance across the hall to Albert and Finch’s place, entering quietly so they wouldn’t wake Finch.

“I’ll make some coffee,” Albert whispered, disappearing into his kitchen.  Spot wandered to the living room, taking a seat on one end of the couch.  Albert reappeared a few minutes later, holding two mugs.  He handed one to Spot, who took a sip, wincing slightly when the hot liquid hit his tongue.

“It’s hot, dude, be careful,” Albert laughed.

Spot glared at him over his mug, “No shit.”

They both looked over to Albert’s bedroom when the door opened and Finch stuck his head out, squinting at his boyfriend, “Albert, baby?  Have you been up all this time?”  

Albert slurped his coffee loudly, “Couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh, love,” Finch softened, “C’mon, you need- oh, hi Spot.” Finch startled slightly when he noticed Spot.  

Spot saluted him lazily and offered him a tired smile, “Hey, Finch.”

“What’re you two doing?”

“Planning Race’s birthday tomorrow, apparently,” Spot said.

Finch strolled over and sat in between them on the couch.  Albert immediately curled into his side and Finch began to smooth a hand through his hair.

“Ooo, I’ll plan with y’all,” Finch said, planting a kiss on Albert’s head.

“Awesome, so,” Albert clapped his hands together, “I was thinkin’ a dinner cruise on the Hudson.”

Spot choked on his coffee, “You do realize how expensive that shit is, right?  Plus it’s like, twenty degrees outside.”

“No, no,” Albert sat up and tucked his legs under him, “I’ve already done my research, listen.  So, the dinner cruises for one night with this one company I looked at are $150 for a party of six, with an additional $25 per added members.  If the three of us, Race, Jack, Kath, Davey, and Crutchie go, that’d be $200.  Split that between everyone ‘cept Race, ‘cause he ain’t payin’ on his birthday, that’s only $28 ish a person.  Totally doable.”

Spot raised his eyebrows, “Man, you really did do your research.  Aight, I’m down.  What time does the cruise leave?  Do we still gotta invite the others?”

“The cruise leaves at 7:00 tomorrow night and goes ‘til 9:30.  It includes, like, a three course meal and there’s live entertainment and whatnot.  I already asked Jack and Kath if they’re in and they said yeah, but I still gotta reach out to Davey and Crutchie.”

“It’s always a little unnervin’ when ya suddenly take on responsibility,” Finch said.

Albert shrugged, “Stress is a drivin’ force, pal.  I just want it to be a good one for him, he’s had a rough time lately, so I figure he could use some spoilin’.”

“This is actually a really fun idea,” Spot said, pulling out his phone, “I’ll hit up Crutch and Davey.”

 “I’m already on it,” Finch said, holding up his phone to reveal texts sent to the two other men.

“Lovely,” Albert said, grinning, “Good work, boys.”

XXX

Spot got up earlier than Race again the next day to make him a birthday breakfast.  The day before, he had gone to World Market and picked various Italian breakfast foods, enlisting Katherine’s help in the actual preparation.

He set the table with the various pastries, breads, jams, and cookies that he had selected, then slipped back into his bedroom.

Spot was surprised to see that Race was already awake and on his phone.  He looked up when Spot entered and smiled, “Mornin’, Spottie.”

“Mornin’ Racer,” Spot slipped back into the bed and tugged on Race’s bicep.  Race melted into his arms and yawned, “Happy birthday, gremlin.”

“Thanks,” Race hummed happily.  They remained in that position for a few more minutes, until Spot heard Race’s stomach rumble.

“You hungry?” He chuckled.

“A bit.”

“C’mon,” Spot said, getting up and pulling Race out of bed, “I got breakfast.”

Race’s eyes widened as he took in the wide array of food that was set out on the table, “Merda santa,” He murmured, “Is that fette biscottate? Spot, oh my god, this is amazin’!”

He stuffed a roll in his mouth, then eagerly grabbed a plate and loaded it with small bits of everything on the table.  Spot laughed and joined him in taking food, sitting down across from him.

“Enjoyin’ it?” Spot asked.

“So much,” Race answered with his mouth full, “Thank ya, this is great.”

XXX

They were supposed to meet everyone else at Chelsea Piers around 6:30 to board.  Race had no idea that they had planned this for him, so when Spot told him to get his shoes on and follow him to his car, he was thoroughly confused.

“Where are we going?” Race asked for what had to be the hundredth time since they’d left Spot’s apartment complex.

“I told ya that you’ll see,” Spot said, calmly.

Race groaned and slid lower into his seat, propping his feet up on the dash, “Spottieeeee, c’mon, I’m impatient.”

“Oh, I’m aware,” Spot said, “Put your feet down.”

Raced huffed and lowered his feet to the car floor, “You’re no fun.”

“Okay, Race.”

They arrived at the dock at 6:20 to find everyone already there.  Albert waved them over to the ticket station and pulled Race into a hug, “Happy birthday, man.”

“Thanks,” Race grinned, “What is all this?”

“Dinner cruise,” Finch piped up, “Albert’s idea.”

“Awe, man,” Race gripped Albert’s shoulder affectionately, “Thanks so much.”

“Least we could do for ya on the big 22,” Albert said, clapping Race on the back.

“We’d better get moving,” Davey said, fishing a wad of tickets from his pocket and distributing them to everyone, “It looks like people are getting on.”

They boarded the ship in pairs, eventually coming together as a whole group once they entered the main room.  The inside of the ship was decently large and elegant.  Tables lined the large glass walls and a cozy looking fireplace was located at one end of the room.  On the other end, a stage and dance floor were set up and a band was already playing music, adding to the pleasant atmosphere.  Albert had booked two tables for the group and they located them near the stage.  

“I’m so excited for food, man,” Race said, rubbing his hands together as he, Spot, Albert, and Finch sat down at one of the tables.

“Well, you’re in luck then,” Spot said as a waiter walked up to take their drink orders.  

“They serve duck?” Race asked, eyes wide as he stared at the menu.  

Spot looked down at his own menu and scoffed when he saw that duck was indeed and option on the appetizer menu, “Looks like it is.  Why?  Do ya like duck or somethin’?”

“I dunno, but I’ve always wanted ta try it.”

“Then order some god forsaken duck,” Albert said, taking a sip of the Sprite the waiter had just brought for him.

“Mayhaps I shall,” Race said, thoughtfully.

Finch cocked his eyes, eyebrows quirking up slightly, “Mayhaps?”

“It’s a word,” Race said, matter of factly.

Spot looked sideways at him, “It definitely isn’t.”

“Well, it is in my book, so hop of my dick.  It’s my birthday.”

“He has a point.”

“Shut up, Al.”

The waiter returned to take their meal orders, depositing a basket of bread on the table in the process.  Race immediately grabbed one of the butter packets and opened it, popping the slab of butter in his mouth.

“Race, what the fuck,” Spot said, taking a roll for himself.

Race wrinkled his nose, “Yeah, I dunno why I did that, that was disgustin’.”

“Race,” Jack called from the table behind them, “Didya just eat a whole butter package?”

“Uh, maybe.”

“Fuckin’ wild.”

The ship departed the dock at 7:00 exactly, the appetizers arriving not much later.  Race eagerly pulled his plate towards him, taking a large bite.

“What the fuck, it’s cold,” He said, gagging slightly, “And really salty.”

“Yeah,” Finch said, trying to hold back laughter, “Duck is usually served cold.”

“Well I didn’t know that, now did I?”

The rest of their meal came out one by one and by 8:00 everyone was finished and feeling thoroughly full.  The dance floor was beginning to fill up with other passengers as the band picked up the tempo in their songs.

Race and Albert perked up when the band began playing ‘Take Me to Church’ by Hozier and before anyone could process what was happening, the two of them had run onto the dance floor.  They immediately drew attention to themselves as they dove into pre-rehearsed choreography.  A small crowd started to watch them as they continued to dance and eventually a circle of impressed onlookers had formed.  The song finished and applause erupted from mass of people.  Albert and Race high fived, panting slightly as the adrenaline from their spontaneous performance wore off.  

“Looks good you two,” Spot praised, approaching the two boys  from his place at the edge of the dance floor.

“Thanks, we’ve been workin’ at it for some time,” Race said, lifting his shirt to wipe some sweat off his forehead.

The crowd dispersed as the band began to play a slow song and couples slowly started to fill the dance floor.  Albert darted off to find Finch, leaving Spot and Race standing awkwardly in the middle of the dance floor.  

“Should we go, uh, sit down?” Race asked, twisting his fingers together.

“Actually, hang on” Spot hurried back to their table and grabbed his bag from the back of his chair, then rejoined Race, “While everyone’s distracted with their people, I wanna give ya your present.  C’mon.”

Race’s eyes widened, “Spot, ya didn’t hafta get me anythin’-”

“Shut up, yes I did,” Spot led them towards the doors that opened to the ship’s balcony.  The slipped outside, immediately drawing their shoulders up as cold wind swept across the deck.  They found refuge in a small outdoor seating area and sat down beside one another on a deck chair.

“Here,” Spot dug a small package out of his bag and handed it to Race, “I gotcha these after Melissa ruined your last pair.”

Race stared down at the package for a moment, before cautiously opening it, “Spot, you didn’t…” he murmured, taking a pair of new ballet shoes out of the box and holding them up to the light.

Spot smiled, sheepishly, “I know they’re not anywhere near as special as your last pair, but I figured it was the least I could do.”

“No, Spot,” Race muttered, “They’re perfect.” He shook his head and breathed out a small laugh, turning the shoes over a few more times in his hands before placing them back in their casing.

He turned to Spot, a look of admiration on his face, “Thank you, I-” He cut himself off, his expression shifting into something new and unreadable.  Spot furrowed his eyebrows in concern and was just about to ask if he was okay when he felt a pair of lips meet his.  He froze for a moment then melted into the kiss, lifting a hand to tangle in Race’s curls.  The world seemed to stop as warmth spread throughout Spot’s stomach and he had to remind himself to keep breathing as Race’s grip on him tightened.

Race deepened the kiss and Spot pulled back just enough so that he could search Race’s eyes, “Are we gonna talk about this?” He whispered.

“We’re gonna hafta, but goddamnit let me just kiss you right now,” Race said, pulling Spot in by the front of his shirt.

“Sounds like a plan.”

TAG LIST:

@bencookisagod @we-dont-sell-papes @suddenly-im-respecsable @aw-jus-let-em-try @well-the-kids-do-too @spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn @thatpoorguysheadisspinning @labert-dasilver @andthewoildwillknow @the-newsies-justice-for-zas-blog @sunshine-e-cigarettes @have-we-got-news-for-you @musical-shitposts @thebroadwayaesthetic

[shytiff]

September 2021

1 - MTBS 0 pt. tried out kopsus from jannor coffee with gofood pickup promo (10k). it tasted nutty and yummy even though it seems to use regular milk. but its kinda hot. the ac was not satisfactory. finished up the word for Prof. bought jasuke on the way back. filled out IDI form since i still have energy. 

2 - mtbs again but this time its 3 patients at the same time. vcalled with kris. bought some snacks in hypermart. exercised a bit and played badminton with renata. watched 3 eps of nanno. 

3 - my body aches and it will be wonderful to sleep again but its already 6:40. usila today. the ac in kamar jaga was no longer cold. finally finished moms box of brownies from like 2 weeks ago. read dear benjamin. got to enjoy some silence because i napped before maghrib and the others slept early. 

4 - vaccine in GCD with teh fitri, teh fany and teh rahmi. about 440ish patients. gossiped about cibeber lmao. watched the hitman’s bodyguard. samuel and ryan was hilarious. 

5 - morning walk with renata. saw cilegon’s cfd. cleaned up the room accompanied by howl’s soundtrack. made spaghetti with instant bolognese sauce, egg and cheese. o seven with tri nagita. just saw prof’s email from 2nd sept, shit. tried to get some headspace to do ppt.

6 - bp with nessa (originally kia/ugd). except therere some patients in ugd lol. did excision for clavus (1st timer!) and hecting. fried tempe (1st timer!) using someone’s leftover oil lmaooo

7 - BP with zihan. had spaghetti combined with cheese egg and mom’s chicken for lunch. instant bloating :). drank hot matcha to curb the bloat. planked. ate muesli lol. did not do anything significant today :( started the origin of species. 

8 - vaccine today except it starts at 10:30 since we’re waiting for the mayor. so i hung out on the screening table since the doctor room was hot. vaccine with dr lutfi. watched homcha and nanno. fell asleep

9 - vaccine with bang esa and other staffs in smp 8 cikerai. its apparently the highest point in cikerai. finished at 12-ish pm and we ate buffet lunch lol. made matcha latte again. this time with almost 1 spoon of sugar so it tastes good. i missss matcha. read 1 webinar ppt so i guess thats a little but its something. rip attention span

10 - usila. tried A BIT of duren from bu Tur for dr isip but its enough to make me retch lmao. was given labbaik chicken by bu oo. Some exercise. rly tried to make some progress but my brain just cant seem to muster

11 - kia/ugd. Some ugd patients. Spaghetti for lunch yay. Originally intended to go to cafe but i ended up falling asleep :) tried to get some progress for PPT. Involved a lot of staring into nothing. Slept at like 00:30ish am

12 - morning walk slash jog. The jogging track was finally open. Went to jannor. Ordered kopsus and meatball potato dish with gofood takeaway promo (spent a total of 30k) . The staff kindly asked whether i want to eat there or to actually takeaway lol. The meatball truly tasted like meat. The mashed potato was a bit dry. The weather was grey and cloudy, exactly my favorite. First time cooking kangkung

13 - vaccine today. 20-ish patients. Alone in kamar jaga since nessa went to mass vaccine. Zoom call with Prof. Dyed my hair blue in flow salon (1200K). got free manicure, It took 5 hrs 😅. another firsts in life. both the nail tech and hair tech said my hair was dry lmao. arrived in mess at 9ish pm. ordered nasgor in front of mess

14 - mi rebus for bfast. not too much patients for vaccine so i finished at like 10 am. napped at kamar jaga. got free rice box from dr arief etc yay :)))) got mochacinno at jannor. tried to do sumn useful but cannot. still no ppt progress aaa. watched homcha ep 6 together

15 - vaccine in al hanif. tried chicken-cakwe porridge near the school. the school was an all girls school, with ppl wearing long veils. tried to fit the placement test from cakap (12-1 pm) during the vaccination lol. had to excuse myself to the ssaem during photo sesh. napped so i could see the 17 pm cakap class but i ended up napping until close to 18 :) saw the 19 am class with lukas ssaem

16 - spaghetti for bfast. usila today. this dumbass forgot to wear komin and wore her rubber slip ons. turns out theres some money from al hanif vaccine. which is great bcs there’s literally no paper money in my wallet lmaoo. rested a bit. dr eva called and she gave me a ppt and chapter book job. sheeet theres no progress yet of Prof’s ppt. a wake up call. whatsapped with frends that planned to go to cilegon this weekend, but it ended up being the next weekend. thank god, because dr eva’s ppt deadline is 24th sept. set myself up on a spot in the vanity table so i can work in a chair (i frfr find it difficult to work on my own bed)

17 - some patients in UGD. Slept while waiting for 2 pm. Held off my sleepiness for zoom with dr Eva. 5pm cakap class. Matcha latte. 7pm zoom w dr eva. Fell asleep after that

18 - bp. Turns out teh imey also dyed her hair. cakap class abt bts' spring day lol. Worked on dr eva's ppt

19 - jogged a bit. had kopsus (20K) and fish fillet rice (27K). finished dr eva’s ppt with the given material so far. napped in mess. dr eva also revised the ppt on the same day so there’s 2 slides left (patient clinical profile and conclusion). took some time for me to get the headspace to work on ppt so i started prof’s ppt at like 7-ish. only got 1 slide. stayed awake until 11ish but i basically stopped doing useful stuff at 9 TT TT

20 - vaccine today, finished at 10 am. lounged around. went to bni to check on m-banking, still system error. transferred 3mil from my BNI atm to muamalat. tried nasi goreng roa and cakalang with added chicken shreds (20K). so goood. conversed with nessa zihan. did not open my laptop at all :) stopped by at rodalink bcs nessa wanted to buy a bike. drank matcha latte in an effort to curb sleepiness. worked on Prof’s ppt. fried the frozen kebab (35K) i bought from teh Rahmi. 

21 - vaccine P3K w teh yeni teh rahmi mas oim. 3 patients. Ate some gorengan and talked lol. Did the abstract and ppt for dr eva. Worked on Prof's ppt.

22 - usila w mas oim. Had banana, bolu and protein for bfast. Ordered nasgor roa cakalang from bakuku for lunch. Felt suuuuper sleepy afterwards. Wanted to sleep again in mess but couldnt. Washed my shitton of clothes with washing machine. Heavyyy. Worked more on PPT. Too much denial this week

23 - picked some groceries @ bu rum. Kia/ugd today. Its been a while since i last checked DJJ. Successful first attempt but fail in the 2nd bcs the baby is still floating. Cooked meat and veggies with nessren. Jannor and kopsus again. Worked on ppt til my head hurts. Its a little bit more to gooo.

24 - bp. Made myself bento with nugget and left over veggies. Finished the smol details of the ppt and finally sent it. Watched shangchi @ transmart w chillegone. The film was fun! We cooked soup at mess and tri made perkedel. Watched homcha ep7. Slept

25 - Vaccine but there was no vaccine, so I went to UKK @ villa ternak cikerai with pkm peeps. its like opening a clinic but somewhere in hills area. got treated to bakso and tempe mendoan afterwards. lazed around in my bed, with no info from jkt friends who wanted to visit but suddenly they arrived lmao. went to amaris to catch up with them. thankfully it was not hourly parking. ate at saung bonang near the billiard place with heri joining us. total bill for five was 126 lmao its rly pocket friendly. heri borrowed my motorbike bcs his friend’s place doesnt have car park. thank god we brought the bike

26 - me and racheel went downstairs to get the hotel bfast. packed fruits, tempe and bread upstairs lol. put our stuffs in royal krakatau. took maxim to pulau kecil. turns out pak asep changed his number. it was raining there, so we sat a bit and got mie rebus. had lunch at amirang (my treat). there was only us inside. the food was okay but the meat was rly overpriced for its amount. went back to the hotel. went to indomaret and mess with racheel to get my stuff. my stupid impatient ass dropped atikah’s brand new iphone while pulling the hotel towel from the bathroom rack. im sorryyyyy. racheel and i swam until maghrib. atikah told us abt her boy “friend”. slept early at like 9-10ish with the usual width but longer leg space

27 - and suddenly its time to go to puskesmas. asked nessa to bring my shoes. said goodbye to friends. BP. there were a lot of patients. kanayam for lunch. i bought shades lol bcs i commute against the sun in the morning. cakap club. watched homcha. fell asleep

28 - vaccine. finished at like 10:30. tried to go to bni to install mbanking but the queue was like 20 ppl. did the outline for the red book. liqo with kak kartika. zoom meeting with dr eva. fell asleep again

29 - vaccine in sma 3 cilegon (cikerai) with bang esa and others. finished at like 2-ish pm. got 750K hehehe. mentoring with dr. Arnadi about KKD and HHS. bought rotbak with nessa. showered and cleaned and fell asleeep

30 - cooked tempe with leftover kanayam chili sauce. bp again. saw interesting cases today, such as fixed drug eruption. bought phd from gofood promo. went to jannor and got the usual kopsus with added espresso (since the min amount for gofood pick up promo was 25k). tried to do prof’s script but cannot, so i searched the literatures needed for dr eva’s project

[justkpopstuffinmyhead]

Yongguk - Dangerously Innocent ♥ [Part 7]

Member: B.A.P’s Bang Yongguk

Pairing: MafiaLeader!Yongguk &  You

Genre: Angst-ish

Warnings: Swearing, Blood, Shooting and other Mafia stuff.

Words: 1,451

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Epilogue.

You wake up later that night, covered in sweat and shaking because of the nightmare you just woke up from. Checking the side of your bed, you note with disappointment that Yongguk left your side and that he must have left a while ago since the bed is now cold. Crawling out, you make your way to the door until you realize that your body is naked. You remember what you did last night and blush a bright red. Two minutes later, you are dressed in an oversized shirt and tight leggings and return to the door, quietly twisting the knob. Sleeping without Yongguk seems to trigger your nightmares, so the only thing your tired mind can think of right now are his strong arms wrapped around your waist.

You walk down the dark hallways and when you’re about halfway to his room, when hands wrap themselves around your neck and mouth. The heavy smell of that persons perfume or aftershave tells you that it’s not Yongguk or any of the people from his inner circle. You try to scream and kick the person behind you, but unfortunately the man - you guess it is one by the built and smell – presses his hand closer to your mouth. Panic bubbles up in your body and your breath is coming to quick. Too flat. Not enough oxygen is reaching you lungs and you see the corners of your vision turn black. You fight the urge to just give in and sink down into the numbing darkness. As you are trying to control your breathing, you feel the person stiffen for a second. You guess that this isn’t how he planned this to go down. You use this small moment of confusion to twist your body slightly to your right and ram your elbow forcefully into the man’s stomach. The stranger lets go of you and your first reflex is to gasp for air, while your mind tells you to “scream as loud as you can!” and you comply. Just a second later you start screaming as loud as you can and everyone else in the mansion – including Yongguk – must be able to hear your scream.  The man in front of you – green eyes, brown hair, tan skin and a scarred face – stares at you, almost disappointed. “You shouldn’t have done this.” He pushes up the sleeves of his black pull over, revealing a black gang tattoo on his forearm, and slams his fist into the side of your face, shutting you up immediately. You fly to the floor, the impact catching you of guard, but it is already too late. You hear people running and shouting, the familiar voices of Daehyun and Youngjae are amongst them. They end up standing just a few feet away, looking at the scene in shock. Your attacker quickly collects himself and lifts you up, wrapping an arm around your neck and depriving you of the much needed oxygen. This time it wasn’t your panic, but the arm pressing against your windpipe. Everyone stands still, when heavy steps are making their way through the small crowd. Your attacker stiffens when he sees Yongguks dark eyes fixed on you. He’s wearing loose pants and a long, black Shirt and you think that he must have been awake. “You must have a death wish.” His dark voice rumbles when he takes one step closer to you, resulting in the arm around your neck tightening, making your vision turn black at the edges once more. You release a strangled sound and the man behind you chuckles. “If I were you I would let go... NOW” Yongguk looks scary, his voice is now loud and everyone except for you and your attacker jumps in surprise. The arm loosens for a second and you gasp for air, but then he muscles tighten again and you are now completely unable to breathe. Your vision turns black and when Yongguk notices that your body goes limp, he moves fast. A few seconds later you are in Daehyuns arms and Yongguk is on top of your attacker, throwing punches at him. “Yongguk” you whimper and your scared, breathy voice must have reached his eardrums, since his movements halt and he turns around. Yongguks eyes are wild for a second, but when he sees your hands on your neck, your fingers brushing over the soft skin that slowly turns blue and his eyes turn soft. “I’m not done with you” he whispers, shooting one last glance to the stranger before he stands up, putting all the pressure on his uninjured leg. Zelo hurries over and helps Yongguk stand up, and the moment the older man stands upright, he shakes of the helping hands and limps over to you, taking you from Daehyun’s arms and wrapping you up in his own. “Y/N. . .”It is only a whisper but it makes you let go of all the pent-up anxiety, resulting in large tears rolling down your eyes. You are shaking now and the gentle giant wraps himself around you, whispering soothing words into the shell of your ear.  When he realizes that you won’t calm down any time soon, he starts barking out commands to the others. They drag your attacker out of your sight and a few minutes later you are left alone with Yongguk. “Let’s get you to my room.” He whispers and glides his hand over the curve of your butt and to the bend of your knees, lifting you up as if you weight nothing. Then he carries you over to his room where you originally wanted to go. “Why were you outside of your room?” Brown eyes look down at you and you open your mouth, but cannot seem to find your voice. Hiccups are escaping every now and then, echoing through the empty halls. You feel the soft fabric of Yongguks blanket beneath your skin and watch him kneel down in front of you as well as he can. “Your neck is turning blue . . . So is your cheek” he brushes over the bruising skin and looks into your eyes. “I woke up. . From a nightmare” you close your eyes momentarily before continuing “And you weren’t there. So I started looking for you.” Your voice is only a whisper. Yongguks eyes are full of affection, as he takes your hand in his and kisses your soft knuckles. “You did great Y/N” you feel his breath against you skin as he says those words. You softly pull on his hand and he stands up, his movement extremely slow.  “Let’s try and sleep some more.” He takes off his uncomfortable pants and lies down next to you, wrapping himself in the soft blanket, waiting for you to join him. You decide that your pants need to leave as well as you shirt, wanting to feel his skin against your own so they soon accompany his clothes on the floor. The blanked is already lifted up and you only need to crawl beneath it.  Yongguks hand strokes the curve of your butt softly, his lips finding their way to yours and pressing soft kisses onto your smiling ones. “I’ll make sure that bastard will never be happy again.” He mumbles against your lips. Your eyes flutter open and you see the rage in his stare. The usually well-collected mafia leader is burning with anger. “Don’t use your energy on him.” You whisper back and lift both your hands to cup his cheeks. His stare softens again and he kisses the tip of your nose. “He hurt you. He deserves to be punished. They should know that I’m not joking around with you. They need to know, that everyone who touches you will have to deal with the consequences of it.” You smile at his words and carefully shake your head. “And now we need to sleep, okay? And just so you know. .  You are definitely not going to work tomorrow” You nod carefully. “I guess it wouldn’t be the best idea. I’m just… Scared that they will fire me” He frowns at you, nodding carefully. “Don’t worry. You won’t need to worry about money anymore. Ever again.” He assures you. You smile at him lovingly. “I want to go to work.” You voice is only a whisper. “We will talk about this issue later. You need to rest for now. Your cheek probably stings.” He presses a kiss to the bruising spot and lays down next to you, pressing your body into his. “Good night.” His lips are brushing against your ear, as he whispers those sweet words to you, his warmth lulling you in, making you fall asleep immediately.

[myinspirationisgone]

1-99

Thanks so much for all the entertainment cutie 💜💙1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?Hmm I think it's pretty equal like a perfect combination of both. I don't like my cereal to be soggy or drown in milk but I also don't like it when it's "too hard" 😂 I like the right amount of crunch though 2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?I love it, I really do. Those first few moments of being outside are super refreshing and awakening but after a while of being outside, well my face starts to numb so I don't even feel  the wind anymore hahahaha3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?I can only come up with 2 rn. I've used like tickets from the grocery store, even toilet paper 😂 oh wait I even once used a plastic ruler 4: how do you take your coffee/tea?I like my coffee with milk and 1 sugar cube, my tea either without sugar or 1 sugar cube but that depends on what kind of tea it is. I just don't like it too sweet but I also don't like too bitter so then I'll use 1 cube 🙂 as for the coffee though, I rarely drink regular like I prefer something mocha ish or coconut/bounty from a really good place in Leuven 5: are you self-conscious of your smile?Oh for sure, a little too much probably. I just think it looks weird or ugly. Also because I don't like my teeth, a few years back it was so intense I'd do everything to avoid smiling while showing my teeth. It was ridiculous. I did get over that in the sense that I don't pay attention to it anymore like I'm trying to show my teeth but I do still hate it 6: do you keep plants?Fake ones, orchids and we used to have cacti as well. We don't really do real plants anymore because we forget to water them and then it's just a sad waste. But I do love the fake ones a lot. They look real, brighten up the place and so on 🌵7: do you name your plants?I don't think I ever did 🤔8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?Writing, definitely writing. I've always loved it, the paper doesn't judge yet you get to out what you feel and putting it into words, the mess of thoughts, can really straighten things out. I've been writing ever since I was around 14 so for about 6 years now. I don't do it as much as I used to but I still hold it dear ✒9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?Damn right I do!!! I sing and hum whenever I can, like no matter what I'm doing. Goes from cleaning to working for class to walking outside. At home they tell me to shut up though, since apparently my singing sounds like a cat dying ☺ luckily I still have the shower 10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?I sleep on my back, side and stomach actually. It just really depends what I'm feeling that evening. Sometimes I can't fall asleep in a certain position and other days I can. It's weird really but I think my all time fav is like half stomach/half back. Also perfectly comfortable for the boobs.... Tmi sorry 11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?Oh shit I don't know actually 🤔 hmmm probably how I got the nickname Nuno since it's like something only my friends know of and my man 12: what’s your favorite planet?I actually don't know that much about the planets. But mercury looks beautiful imo so imma go for that one 13: what’s something that made you smile today?I don't think I've smiled today 😂 waaaait no I did, when you sent me that you asked questions and then that you look forward to reading them oh wait a few things you said today made me smile actually 💕14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?It would look modern but cozy and the old touch of it would be respected. There would be fake plants and carpets. Many pictures and art work up against the wall too. The kitchen would have a major rack of spices and herbs. Oh and a balcony with lights 🙂15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!This is a dope one, the skin peeling off feet was pretty cool too though but I chose.....You become taller in Space. Another change to the human body in micro-gravity is that spine straightens out, as gravity is not pushing you down. In fact you can be up to as much as 5cm taller in the Space Station!!!16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?Definitely the pasta Arrabiata, the spice is just mmm 😩17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?I actually already have died my hair in colors I really wanted it to be. I've had red and blonde hair. For now I'm content with my own color but I might definitely change it up again at some point18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.I've done so many dumb and funny things 😂 I am pretty sure the dumbest thing I've done that is always brought up is when me and my friends went on a trip for like a few days and I was drunk during the day, it was hot and we had tequila and what not so everything like worked a lot faster and heavier. But my friends had been flirting with some dudes there so I thought it was good to start cleaning our apartment so they could invite them over hahahaha I was a mess and I was vacuuming the couch that was covered in popcorn from the night before and it was just yeah, I still get laughed at for it 😂19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?I've tried several times to keep an actual journal but for some reason it never really worked so I gave up on it 20: what’s your favorite eye color?Green, it's so special and mesmerizing. I've actually never seen the color irl cause it seems pretty rare and I also don't know many people but I just know and from what I've seen on pictures, it's the most perfect to me 😍21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.It's like an eastpack lookalike for 10 euros, dark brown. I used it for everything. School, vacations, 1 day trips, festivals ... Honestly the quality was so bomb, actually still is cause I bought it a 2nd time 🙂 anyway, it ended up having holes at the bottom of the bag, it was ripping for real. The front pocket turned into a mess of melted throat tablets cause I put it against the heating next to me in class. Never opened it again. There were earphones in that and for some reason a spoon too 😂 I've been careful with it, thrown with it. Everything 22: are you a morning person?I wish I was, like I really wish I could get out of bed easily and start my day but instead I either don't wake up or I do as a zombie and need a lot of snooze moments 23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?Watch tv series and movies, no doubt about it. It's my way of escaping life and I love it a lot 24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?Yes there is, you 🙂25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?I don't think I've ever broken into a place. Only an abandoned castle but it doesn't have doors so like..... But I've also had to climb through a window at home cause I forgot my key and no one was home so but does that even count idk26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?Rn my black vans but I've only had them for over half a year now so it doesn't really count. However my first pair of vans ever when I was 12 something I wore with everything. They were my all time go to, super comfy and easy to put on. I wore them for years like at some point the side was coming loose and you vould see my socks like with both shoes even and I still wore them 😂 it was horrible, I was attached to them and couldn't let go. My mom had suggested throwing them away a couple of times but I refused. She eventually took matters into her own hands and threw them away. I fished them back and I still have them somewhere.....27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?Vanilla mint or peppermint, either really 28: sunrise or sunset?I think both have their own charms really. I can't choose like the sunrise is the start of the day, early in the morning when the world is just waking up while a sunset is when everyone is coming alive. Both colors are vibrant, light up the soul 🌄🌅29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?I don't really know actually. I think it has to be when a friend of mine talks about how much he loves his gf, he absolutely adores her and like it's as if he's in heaven when he talks about her30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?Yes, many times actually 31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.Oh my... I love socks. I have so many different socks and it's just yes. I love weird socks, I have socks with a cactus on it but also with the brightest colors possible, dots all over or flowers. I had a period of time where I would wear 2 different socks 😂 I'm all about fluffy socks too to wear at home. I sleep with socks when my feet feel like ice cubes and I can't warm them up but halfway through the night I'll get crazy annoyed and take them off. White socks are weird and boring. They make me think of white dads wearing sandals..... 32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.Have I ever been awake even after 3 with friends hahahahah oh wait I know. We were all asleep but I woke up once and found myself in like my own drool for some reason and I went like "oh fuck" so I moved my ass and made it seem like it wasn't from me just in case anyone would see it 😳33: what’s your fave pastry?Hmmm I love so many tbh. I think one of my favs is the one with frangipane in the middle like that shit is to die for. If they have it, guaranteed I'll pick that one 🤤34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?I actually didn't have a stuffed animal, at least my fav wasn't one. I carried around a pillow case. My mom used to work at night and I couldn't fall asleep so my dad took my mom's used pillow case and put me to sleep with it. I never let it go again. It was white with blue stripes and I still have it. As for a stuffed animal, I did have one actually, called Stippel. A ladybug hahaha. I might still have it somewhere35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?I do like those but never use them, I only use really simple and cheap pens because I don't write much anymore 36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?Hmm maybe A Day to Remember. Nothing too cheery but powerful or Papa Roach, same thing37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?I like keeping it clean but rarely do so actually. Laziness gets the best of me 🙄38: tell us about your pet peeves!I think people desperately fishing for compliments is one and another is people making comments about another person's appearance. In the sense that it's often rude and with disregard of their feelings or the possible effects of it. I have more I think but these 2 come to mind right away 39: what color do you wear the most?Grey/black, I do try to wear more color since I've started to like that more and appreciate it too. However my closet is still mostly dark 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?I have a pair of earrings, cherries. My brother got them for me when I was younger, thought they looked cute and chose them for me. If I remember it right he even paid for it with the money he got for like birthdays etc so I cherish them dearly 41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?That has to be "My favorite mistake", it's one of the last ones I remember reading. It's a really nice love story and also has a lot to do with letting your walls down and letting someone special in 42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!I do actually, it's in Leuven. It's super tiny but it has like fake plants all over it and the front is entirely made of glass. There's a little bar and people can use iPads there. They have the best coffee I ever had tbh. Like so many special kinds too. They also have fresh smoothies and juices, along with a variety of tea43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?My mom hahahaha 44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?I actually don't remember a moment like that, things have been too much lately. Even in my sleep I haven't felt at peace 45: do you trust your instincts a lot?I never do actually or at least not a lot. I always think I'm wrong about everything and jusy have very little faith in myself and my abilities46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.I clogged the toilet, it was a shitty situation. I need to go to hell I swear 😂😂😂47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?Lobster and goose liver, both include torture so I'm against it heavily. Have never and will never eat it 48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?Probably the dark and being abandoned so yes both are still the same hahaha 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?I do like it actually and there's something very classy about records, I just love it. Hope to own one myself one day, a recordplayer. The last one I bought was for my mom actually, of Oscar and the wolf50: what’s an odd thing you collect?Screenshots ☺ hahahaha no idk I collected Little Petshop animals as a kid, Me to You bears and I still collect gems so 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?Robin Schulz & Richard Judge - Show me love 52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?Oh the couple one where the guy looks at the 2nd girl and then the uh Joe Biden ones too idk many really 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?I've unfortunately never watched any of those but they are all on my list to watch actually, all classics and I love those 54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?My mom's yesterday after leaving my dog at the vet.. She teared up badly55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?I don't think I've ever done something truly dramatic to prove a point really 🤔 I don't recall anything at least56: what are some things you find endearing in people?- An amazing sense of humor- Listening skills- Care for animals- Adventure oriented- Respecting, being real- Honesty- ... 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?Hahahahaha this song always gets to me and does make me dramatically reenact the lyrics.  I once sang this one with friends and we filmed it, tried to make our own music video on it. It was a flop for sure but we had the best time58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?Jolien is the wine mom, also because she has a glass of wine often and I'm definitely the vodka aunt, it's me 😇 59: what’s your favorite myth?"According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves." - Plato 60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?I love poetry, I've been quite busy with it myself at some point. I think Shakespeare's sonnets are some of my favs along With Edgar Allan Poe's. Both are true geniuses 61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?I don't know if I've ever given a stupid gift, not to brag but I always go for something personal. Pick up on the things people mention and get them something like that so they're never really disappointed and also don't consider their gifts stupid. As for the stupidest I've ever received, I have no idea again. I'd say something like underwear but I actually love getting that so 🤷‍♀️ hahahaha 62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?I don't actually 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?My music I don't have organized, unless it's like a file on my laptop but my books are definitely all nicely put on their shelve and in a way that it goes from like the biggest book to the smallest 😂 so I'm not that strict but I also don't like for them to be in any other order than that so 64: what color is the sky where you are right now?Dark dark daaaaark blue. It's almost midnight so65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?No one actually, I'm fine on my own and don't feel the need to hang out with anyone whatsoever66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?Pretty simple, faded pink with white or either bright/dark red with white. I think those are beautiful colors67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?I love it even though it also scares me. It feels idk empty but like a peaceful kind, like the world has stopped spinning for a bit and you can really take a deep breath 68: what’s winter like where you live?It snows for like 3 days, the whole country is in panic. The ER is flooded, car accidents everywhere. The trains stop working and the busses don't show up. The rest is rain and cold 😂69: what are your favorite board games?Hmm monopoly, "mens erger je niet" (sorry don't know the English translation) and yahtzee 70: have you ever used a ouija board?No never and even though I'm curious, I'm also way too scared to try it because I believe in ghosts/spirits so much71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?Something forest fruit ish, it's perfect really. But I love many kinds. Citrus and red fruits, apple/cinnamon, earl grey, ...72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?I definitely have to note things down but even that I often forget 😂 my organizing skills are uh not so present 73: what are some of your worst habits?Acting very childish is the worst one for sure. Aside from that leaving things messy and procrastinating are my other worst ones. Trying to work on all, bit by bit but old and bad habits die hard 😕74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns./ these are weird questions75: tell us about your pets!Vinkie: he's a bird that fell out of the nest into our garden but with the cats living here he would've quickly died so we took him in and took care of him, fed him and he's been with us for over 5 years now. Singing to us 🙂Whisper: he's an agapornis, mini parrot. He's something else. He makes a loooot of noise so his name is quite ironic. He has a big ass cage where he flies and climbs around in. Whenever there's music on he will whistle along. He jumps up when we walk by too fast but when the cat is sitting next to his cage he'll try to grab their tails 😂 same for the dogs.....Chanel: she's a rescue dog from Greece. She came to us as a foster but we all, my brother mostly, got attached to her so we decided to keep her. She's really smart, she knows how to open doors and even flip the keys. She follows her nose wherever it takes her, even if that means jumping over a 1m50 gate and take herself for a walk. We run after her nearly daily but she's a sweetheart. She adores to cuddle and is extremely soft. She's also made of elastic and has a crazy flexibilityIdéfix: my little man. Tossed in a dumpster in a plastic bag, comes from Spain. He's a real cutie, will do whatever to be able to be close to me and lie on my lap. He's also a little bastard that knows exactly how to jump on the table, dressoir, chairs and garden table. He snores and sighs like the cutest. He loves fruit and even pickles Sky: she's a cane corso, big girl. But a real sweety too. She loves cuddles and if she could then she would get on my lap as well which she actually does. She uses her size to her advantage to sit on top of Idéfix to get his spot. She drools like crazy when waiting for her food. She adores snow and waterAtalo: the boss at home. He's Idéfix's best friend. He's a very loyal dog, sometimes stubborn asf though. He is very gentle and will always take a treat with his tongue and not his teeth. He watches over his pack like a real guard dog and when crying he will wipe the tears away. He comes from Greece Lucky: we took her home with us when we went on a trip to Greece. She was only 2 weeks old and we bottle fed her. She's a real badass. She will smack me to let me know she needs food and she yells to get inside or go outside. She like sleeping under blankets close to whoever she's sharing the bed withJoy: she's a bully, she will slap the others when they walk by and she bites everyone who pets her but asks to be pet. She's a little fatty and looks really funny when she runs. Occasionaly she gets on my lap for cuddlesKyoko: I can carry her around like a baby and she will attack when I try to put her down cause she doesn't want that. She's really sweet and tries to cuddle with the dogs when they're near her. She does kinda live at the back of the house cause the rest is too busy for her 76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?I guess summarizing but I wanted to take a break so I guess I don't have to do anything rn and can answer these questions to keep myself entertained and distracted 77: pink or yellow lemonade?Yellow well or orange 78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?Fanclub, they're fucking adorable and clumsy. I get why some might get annoyed by the little guys but I mean come on, they're just animated movie characters like the fuss was a bit too extreme 79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?The person I love most has done many cute things for me. Took a picture of 2 flowers that reminded him of us. But he also writes stories, one in particular about Poppy and Wormy which warmed my heart. His entire presence is the cutest thing ever to me 🍅80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?They're dark brown, light green and cream color. I chose all because of their earthly tones and idk I like having warm, calming tones. Green also used to be my absolute fav color 81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of./ again really odd and I don't even remember their eyes..... Woops 82: are/were you good in school?I used to be in elementary, then started slacking once high school started. Got better again, started slacking again. Graduated high school, barely. Then dropped out of uni and trying to make it in college rn so we'll see how "good" I am once the exams have passed83: what’s some of your favorite album art?/84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?I'm not planning on anything, even though I'm always thinking of it because of the love I have for tattoos but rn idk, I need to be more sure before I can say I have an actual idea. I want it to be meaningful but also not mainstream85: do you read comics? what are your faves?I don't hahaha, I'd love to one day though 86: do you like concept albums? which ones?I'm pretty sure idek what those are. Lemme google real quick, ok do I don't know any but the idea seems really cool to me 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?Every single Disney classic obviously. But also uhm 🤔 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?Is Banksy a movement? 🤔 cause then yes, aside from that I really have no idea how to interpret this question so please bare with my stupidity 89: are you close to your parents?I am really close with my mom, a lot more distant with my dad but it's okay90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.Venice; it's so dreamy there. It's almost unreal like the lives are so different there. The streets are made out of water most of the time, everything goes by boat or on foot. It's so beautiful like the buildings are really something else, incredible architecture. Very colorful and the little gardens here and there brighten it up. But also the squares are super cozy, benches and trees everywhere, surrounded by houses. When I went there it was raining so everyone was walking around with all different kinds of umbrellas, in the small streets there was the occasional bump and hair drag. I loved the small stores, they sell beautiful masks there that made me dream of a masked ball. And the food, my god the food 😩91: where do you plan on traveling this year?Nowhere unfortunately hahaha but it's okay, have many more years to come so I can wait 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?When I was little I didn't want aaaaaany cheese on my pasta and at this point in my life I prefer to drown my pasta in it. Just the way it melts ugh fuck it's perfect 🍝🧀93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?Loose hair, sometimes a ponytail or a bun 94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?My mom, the 17th of December 😍🎉🎈95: what are your plans for this weekend?Studying my ass off for the upcoming exams that I'm extremely anxious about but oh well, can't escape it.... Unfortunately 🙄96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?The last update I procrastinated for nearly 3 months.... So you tell me HAHAHAHA I know it takes hours and usually when I'm on my laptop, I really need it right then and there so it sucks and then I forget. The update took 4 hours so, you get it 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?Myer Briggs type: INFPZodiac sign: Aquarius Hogwarts house: I like to believe I'm Gryffindor 98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?I can't remember the last time I went hiking, I think it's been almost 2 years, yes something like that. When I went to Italy in 201699: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.- Tell me you love me by Demi Lovato- I'll be good by Jaymes Young - Love the way you lie by Rihanna & Eminem- OK by Robin Schulz & James Blunt- Praying by Kesha- High hopes by Kodaline.... I love you 💙

[rayalez]

smut

0I don’t tell him I think handsome guys with heavy Spanish accent always sound like characters from a cheap soap opera. That might be a bit rude. But, to be honest, I think que way every “s” of his turns into a double “s” and some words get misplaced here and there is kind of cute.

He’s very tall, too tall for the tiny couch where we spend the night. I’m not small either, and we try to hug but end up in a mess of tangled limbs. He wakes up in the middle of the night and asks me if I’d like to move to bed with my friend, who went to sleep several beers before us, he says he wouldn’t mind sleeping in the couch by himself. I’m half asleep and snuggle closer to his neck and just say “no”.

A few hours later, I’m the one who wakes up with his arms around me and my back killing me. I turn to face him, deep asleep, and I kiss his neck and run my hands on his chest, his nipples, the front of his trousers. He is awake now, and helps me undress him. I take his cock in my mouth, the faint morning light coming to the living room through the bedroom door. I’m lying next to him, my back turned to him, and he is fucking me as silent as he can, slowly, little moans escaping to my ears.

We fall asleep again, and later, when I check my phone, it’s already 2PM. There’s a message from my friend, the one in the bedroom: “I really really really need to pee but I don’t want to walk into naked people in the couch. Help.” It’s from two hours ago. I show it to him, we laugh and I go make coffee for the three of us.

24

A few hours later, I get a message on my phone:

“I think I left my jacket at your place. Can you check it for me, please?”

“Yeah, it’s here.”

“Maybe I left it on purpose just to have an excuse to see you again…”

“Maybe I hid it.”

“Do you work tomorrow?”

“Yep.”

“Early?”

“Depends on what you consider early. I have to leave at nine-ish.”

“That’s cool.”

“Why?”

“I want to sleep with you again, but I don’t want to be one of those clingy guys.”

He is looking at the ceiling. It’s good to be in a proper bed.

“You know… There was a moment there, when you were on top of me, that it felt really weird. I was looking at you but I was seeing the buildings behind you through the corner of my eyes, and for a moment there it looked as if the whole world was upside down. It was weird, but it felt really good.”

I’m tracing his chest with my hand. He takes it and compares our palms.

“Wow, your hands are gigantic.”

“They are, but they’re also really well-shaped and pretty.”

His hands are pretty, as well, but mine are prettier and bigger, just a little. His hair is longer than my pixie boyish cut, and it spreads all over the pillows, the duvet, the bathroom tiles, the kitchen sink. It’s taking over the house.

He tells me about growing up in the seaside.

“It’s a city made for tourists, all the porteños spend their vacation there…”

“What’s a porteño?”

“Someone who’s born in Buenos Aires. Because of the harbours, portos.”

“Oh.”

“So when it was not hot season for tourists, the town would get kind of deserted and the prices for everything would be really cheap. There was this one bar that had all sorts of pinball machines and arcade games, and for just one peso I could play for hours.”

Then he tells me about his family, about his two younger siblings, and how bad he felt growing up.

“They’re so white. I’m the only one who turned out dark.”

“You’re the lucky one. You look like this cliche hot latin lover with olive-tanned skin.”

“Stop fetishising me. I have feelings. We don’t really have black people where I grew up, so everyone would call me negro and it really bugged me.”

“Does it still bug you? I think you look delicious.”

“A little bit. Only white people triumph in life, you know? I’ll never triumph.”

He sounds resigned.

“So you don’t like people of colour?”

“It’s not that, I just think they won’t triumph. The ones I really don’t like are the immigrants.”

“That’s true. Bloody immigrants taking our jobs.”

“And our women.”

His hands have been between my legs for a while, now, and he slides a finger in when he says that. I close my eyes and whimper, and he starts finger-fucking me while I bury my head in his shoulder. I take his cock in my hand, he moans and I lick my palm and start jerking him off. Then I get him in my mouth again, and he turns me over so he can do me while I’m sucking him off.

“Don’t you ever come?” I ask, pulling away and kissing him while his fingers move back to my pussy.

“Do you want me to?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want me to come in your mouth?”

“Yes.”

“Let me fuck you, first.”

When I check the time, it’s 2AM. I need to be up at 7. I’m not sleepy. It’s going to be a long Monday.

I wake up and go make coffee. I take a shower and he is still sleeping when I come back into the bedroom. I snuggle up close to him and wake him up with many tiny kisses on his face.

“You said you were a cat but now you look like a little chicken.”

I smile and continue to shower his face with little pecks. He laughs and rolls me over, pinning me to the mattress.

“Are you a chicken or a cat?”

I meow and hug him, bumping his shoulders with my head. His cock is hard against my legs, but I really need to get to work. I try to push him away, but he whines. “Just a little biiiit.” I get up and tell him to go wash the dishes so I can get us something to eat.

He stares at me.

“What,” I say.

“I was wondering if you’re being serious.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I’m a guest, how can you make me wash the dishes? That’s so rude.”

“Oh please, you’ve been here for over 24h in a row, you can’t play the guest card.”

“You’re a mean woman.”

“I’m a witch.”

48

“I forgot my headphones at your place. Damn.”

“Poor thing.”

“Or maybe it’s just another excuse to go back…”

“Don’t you have classes today?”

“Just one. I’m free at 8.”

“Gosh, you are clingy. That way you’ll just get tired of my face in no time.”

“Well maybe you will get tired of mine.”

“But your face is so fine.”

I’m lying between his legs, my head resting on his thigh. His cock is hard but I’m just looking at it.

“What’s this?”

“It’s a tiny scar. I had that surgery when I was a kid, you know?”

I slide his foreskin so I can take a look at the head.

“And this?”

“I’ve always had that.”

I count the freckles and spots. It looks good. Very good.

I lick the head and suck his balls. He moans, but I’m just getting to know the new territory. I lick again from base to the head, and he breathes in and grips my hair.

“I think he likes me,” I say.

Later, he opens the bathroom door with no warning.

“I’m peeing! Get out!”

“What? I’ve already seen all of your body.”

“But I’m peeing. I’ve got a shy bladder.”

“Pee on my hands.”

“So romantic. I think we’ll get along just fine.”

We can barely keep our eyes open, but his hands won’t leave my body.

“It’s your own fault for being so damn hot.”

“For Christ’s sake I need to sleep. Get away you filthy Argentinian perv.”

“Let me sleep like this,” he puts his hand between my legs, barely moving. I take his cock in mine.

“Ok. I’ll sleep like this, then.”

We end up fucking again, but I do sleep with his cock in my hand, afterwards. I think I like it, too.

In the morning, I sit on the bed and look at him, covering his head with a pillow and not wanting to wake up. I start bouncing on the bed, saying wake up wake up wake up wake up. He looks at me through a tiny opening under the pillow, and asks:

“What time is it?”

“Eight. I need to leave at nine.”

“It’s early,” he says, and covers his head back with the pillow.

“It’s not. I’m late. Wake uuuup. Go make coffee while I take a shower.”

“Do this, do that…” he mumbles and stands. I think he’s going to the kitchen, but he sits back on the bed, just behind me, and puts his arms around me and his chin on my shoulder. It’s sweet and I’m not very good at sweetness.

“You’re not moving,” I say.

“In a moment.”

I rest my head against his neck and kiss it.

“Ok.”

72

“This is the longest first date in history,” I text, when he suggests he wants to see me again.

“Are you tired of me yet?”

“Yes, but you still need to wash the dishes. Do all of your first dates last 72h?”

“Of course not.”

“I think if we go over this mark we’ll have to see this whole situation as a challenge, see how far we can get.”

“Today I leave quite late. You can go meet my place.”

“I could, but it’s too far from the new office, and I need to be there early tomorrow morning.”

“My house is six minutes away from yours, by bike, but I’m not sure I’m awake enough to take the journey.”

“It’s a pity, for a moment there I thought we could make it to the Guinness Book of Records for dating.”

“You’re going to make me go to your place again, aren’t you?”

“I won’t make you do anything, the human being is an animal capable of free will.”

We’re lying in bed. We’re living in my bed, leaving just to work, eat, shower, take care of our basic needs. He wants to fuck me but I don’t let him.

“I can’t take it.”

“Are you too tired?”

“No, I literally can’t take it anymore. My pussy hurts, I think it’s sore.”

“Can I lick it better?”

He does, and he slides his fingers up my ass and looks up at me, smiling.

“Look how wet you get.”

“It’s because I like it so much.”

Later, he comes in my mouth. We try to sleep but his fingers keep finding their way to keep me awake.

“Stop. You’re going to get me dehydrated.”

“It’s your own fault. Witch.”

“Perv.”

“You like to sleep like this, right? Last night we spent the whole night on this same position.” I’m snuggled up on his chest, my nose buried on his neck. His shoulders are broad and warm.

“I can’t recall.”

“We did.”

I kiss his neck, gently, and his fingers are moving again.

“Stop. Stop. Stop.”

“Such a mean woman.”

“The dishes.”

It’s morning again, he is sitting lazily on the couch and we’ve just finished eating my tapiocas. He throws his head back in despair.

“Stop ordering me about! Do this, do that, don’t fuck me now, do fuck me now… Do you think I’m your servant?”

“Yes. My sex slave.”

“You’re the one who’s my sex slave.”

“Not only you’re my sex slave, you’re my on-call delivery sex slave. I just sit back and wait for you to come whenever I want.”

“Oh my god you’re actually right. I’m so pathetic.”

“Yes. Luckily, you’re good looking enough to get away with it.”

He stands up and gets closer to me, towering over me and looking down, his hair falling on my face, his lips very close. He grips my neck gently with one of his hands and slides the fingers from the other in my mouth. I close my eyes and suck on them. He says, quietly:

“You need to work on improving your submissive ways, woman, otherwise this relationship will have no future.”

I reply, licking his fingers and looking up at him:

“I’ll try.”

I slide my hand into his ridiculous orange underwear and take his cock, brushing his balls and caressing the head with my palm. He moans, and I suck hard on his fingers. He drops his forehead on my shoulder and starts moving his hips. I say:

“I’ll start tomorrow,” and pull away from him abruptly, getting in the bathroom and closing the door. I scream at him: “Do the dishes!”

When I finish my shower and get out, he’s looking grumpily at me over his shoulder, the water tap running and soapy cutlery in his hands.

“Bloody witch,” he bickers.

96

“Gosh I need a massage. My back is still killing me, since that night we spent on your couch.”

“Hm I’m afraid I’m not a massage pro but I could offer a cat massage?”

“That sounds good.”

Later, he’s at my place again and we’re both almost too sleepy to talk. He is lying down on his stomach and I’m sitting on top of him, pressing my hands against his back.

“Would you like me to have a go?” he asks.

We change places and he starts showing me how to find tension nodes. It hurts, but it’s really good.

“Oh so that’s how you do it…” I say, feeling his firm hands pressing against my achy spots.

“Yes. Now you do it.”

He jumps off me and lies down again, and I stare at him, outraged.

“Seriously? You didn’t even do it for five minutes! This wasn’t a massage, this was just a tutorial!”

“Well, you needed it.”

“I can’t believe you! So selfish! So ungrateful! You come to my place, sleep on my bed, leave your damn hair everywhere and still complain about my massage skills!”

“Oh. Don’t be mad. It was cute.”

“Cute?!”

“Try again.”

I do, and he moans deeply when I find the little tension nodules on his shoulder blades. It’s kind of cool.

“You know, I had this yoga instructor, years ago, and once I got to class and he was telling me about this self-massage course he took during the weekend.”

“That sounds useful.”

“But also kind of depressing.”

“Yes…”

I tell him the guy is now a renowned painter, according to his own personal Instagram marketing. He’s even appeared on TV with his colourful splashes, and he’s exhibited in Oslo and won a few international prizes no one’s ever heard of. I tell him that’s the kind of painter I should go out with.

“Have you ever had a solo show?”

“Not really. I don’t try, to be honest. I rarely sell stuff. Sometimes I trade paintings with friends for useful things that I’m in need. I just did a few exhibitions with some friends, mostly for social causes.”

“Why don’t you try selling your stuff?”

“I can’t deal with fame.”

I laugh and fall on the bed beside him, giving up on the massage.

“Because you’re such a talented jerk that if you moved one tiny finger to get your paintings out there, you’d be instantaneously famous, right?”

“Exactly.”

He says, closing his eyes.

“It must be tough being you.”

“You have no idea.”

I look at his peaceful face for a few moments, and before I realize it, my eyes are closed as well. I hear his voice:

“If you had told me we were going to sleep I wouldn’t even bother coming all the way over here, I thought we were going to have sex.”

I open my eyes, his are still closed.

“You’re the one who’s sleeping,” I say.

“You’re the one who’s sleeping,” he replies, barely audible.

“Why are you dressed?” I say, tugging at his shirt.

“You’re dressed, too.”

“I can undress.”

“So do.”

“But you promise we’ll sleep? I’m exhausted.”

“I promise.”

I’m sucking his cock and playing with his balls. One of my fingers brushes his ass, and he arches his back, leaning in to me. I look up and ask:

“Do you like it?”

He nods, breathless, and says:

“Do you like it?”

I smile, still looking at him, my lips touching the head of his cock, and let some dribble fall on top of it. It slides all over the length, and I let some more spit fall on his balls. I jerk him off a little bit, my hand getting moist and slippery, and he closes his eyes. I take him in my mouth again and reach his lips with my wet fingers. He licks them, and when they’re wet enough I go back to his ass. I put a finger in, slowly, and he moans. I keep sucking, watching his face while I curl my finger and feel him getting more relaxed. He’s breathing faster and starts moving his hips to fuck himself against my finger. I move faster and take his cock deep into my throat, letting more spit fall on his balls and drip to his ass. He is moaning and grabbing my hair, and I suck faster and deeper, swallowing as much of his cock as I can, almost gagging, feeling my fingers deep inside him, brushing the sweet spot that gets him over the edge. For the first time, he finishes without warning, filling my throat with a thick load of come. I swallow all of it, his back is arching lifting off the mattress, his body all tensed up, his spine almost bending broken, his hands clinging to my head, his own head thrown back, eyes closed shut. I wait for it to be over, and it lasts a long time. Then I softly remove my finger and let his cock slide out of my mouth onto his stomach, limp, wet and still big. I lick it gently, tasting the last few drops. He is lying on the bed with closed eyes and a satisfied smile. I lie next to him and kiss him, slow and wet. He faintly throws an arm over my body, exhausted, and looks at the ceiling and starts laughing.

“What?” I say.

“Nothing. It was too good.”

I smile as well, feeling smug.

“It’s difficult to find guys who like that.”

“Is it?”

“Yes. I think I’m one lucky witch.”

“It was way too hard waking up.”

“I know. It’s because we went to sleep after 2am.”

“But we’ve been sleeping after 2am everyday…”

“Exactly.”

I don’t tell him it took me a couple of hours to finally get to sleep, listening to his heavy breath on my neck, his warm arms around me. I felt one or two shy tears escaping my eyes, and took a deep breath; I did some quick math on my mind and realised our date had reached 100 hours. The first 100 hours and I didn’t cry once, that must be a record; I didn’t want to ruin it, but I’m so scared I feel like my blood turned into cold liquid.

Now, we’re sitting on the couch and Mitya, the cat, jumps to his lap. He plays with him, his pretty well shaped hands moving softly. I look at him and I don’t feel scared anymore. I feel the shadow of fear but I don’t feel fear. I’m afraid of the shadow.

I consider telling him to run away now, to get away from me, to escape while it’s time because with me there’s no turning backs, nothing is ever light or casual, it only goes deeper. Getting into my heart is a one way road, and it’s a rocky one. I know I’m not easy, I know I’m a leaver, I know I confuse people and scare them off. I don’t know if I really want to scare him away or test him, or if I’m so terrified because rejection always seems the only possibility, so I think it’s better to get rid of him before it happens; I don’t think I’ll be able to take another blow, not so soon, not so soon. This was supposed to be just a date. It wasn’t supposed to go like this.

His head is bowed down, his wet hair falling over his face, his eyes looking affectionately at Mitya, Mitya’s neck exposed to him. I lie my head on his lap, beside the cat, and look up at him. Mitya starts purring. He strokes both our necks, and smiles. He looks so damn yummy. I want to keep him.

I’m super late, but I tell him there’s something I need to do before we leave.

I take my tarot deck, shuffle it with my back to him, cut and take a single card:

The Chariot. Number seven.

My lucky seven.

100

“Look, I just got home to realize I left the keys hanging outside the door. For the whole day. Besides, this morning, you remember, I almost left the gas on when we were leaving. There’s only so much coffee a person can take to keep going. I’m on my limit. I can’t take it anymore. This is getting dangerous. I need to sleep. I admit defeat. I think 100 hours is a good enough mark for a date. It’s over.”

“What do you mean by that? Are you dumping me?”

“No, idiot. I mean that tomorrow we can talk about our second date.”

smut was originally published in Fiction Hub on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Discover more awesome fiction at https://medium.com/fictionhub

[mooberg]

Changes

Lol me and my one word, abstract af titles back at it again. With the revelation of Horns being a Satyr virus a long long time ago, Larka also told me the info you’re about to discover below. Not wanting to put all my eggs in one basket right off the bat, and also not wanting to make it seem like I was changing everything about my son all at once, i decided to wait a bit before writing this. 8 months later and I’ve been struggling so fucking hard to get this down. Needless to say, I shoulda put all my eggs in one basket. However, I’m quite fond of this here fic. And i hope you all enjoy!

Warnings: graphic-ish descriptions of the 99er project, implied suspicion of self-harm (don’t worry it doesn’t actually happen), Horns being an angsty motherfucker, depression... wow... I am so sorry....

Word Count: 6727. That’s right, it’s a biggun.

“So you're just gonna sit there?”

“Yes.”

“Staring at me?”

“Horns-”

“While I meditate like a Buddhist Monk?”

“First of all, I will be reading, thank you.” Psi corrected him with slight exasperation. “And second, this is far different from the meditations of the Monks, and you should very well know that by now.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Horns smirked, getting himself seated comfortably on his favourite armchair. Not an easy feat when you had to sit cross-legged, but he somehow seemed to manage it.

Psi rolled his eyes. “Are you ready?”

“Ready as I'll ever be.” Horns nodded. With his go-ahead, the planters next to Horns' chair began to bloom and sprout. Lavender, Myrrh, and Vetiver were amongst the greenery that grew, their purpose to calm and ground Horns during his meditation.

“Take your time.” Psi said, his own way of telling Horns to begin.

“Everyone brace yourselves! Horns is about to do weird magic shit!” Glitch called up the stairs of their dorm just as Horns got situated.

“You better shut up or that magic shit might be directed at you.” Horns quipped, cracking an eye open just in time to see Glitch duck her head as she ran out of the kitchen, no doubt squirreling away a snack. He closed his eyes with a smile, breathing deeply as he lowered himself into a trance.

. . . . .

He was cold. Very cold. A bright light shone down at him, and he would have mistaken it for the sun if it weren't for the fact it was still cold. He tried to turn his head away from the light, hoping for at least a little reprieve, but it wouldn't dim. He was cold, partially blinded, and his clothes were gone. His clothes were gone? Why? People stared down at him. People with glowing eyes and white coats, staring down at him like gremlins.

They had saws. Really long blades, and they were getting closer. He tried to squirm, desperately trying to run away, but he was bound where he lay. There was no escape. The first drop of pain ripples across his body in waves of agony. Why are they doing this? Stop! They're drilling into him! They're putting metal pieces into him and pulling the holes open! Stop!

He wants to vomit. He wants to pass out. But he doesn't know what these people will do to him when he isn't looking. He has to stay awake. Through all the agony, through all the screaming and the tears, he has to stay awake. He can feel the tiny drills seeping into him, like a million bee stings all at once. He can't help but squirm as they invade his body. They're still stretching him open all over and he can't look. He's too afraid of what he'll see. He doesn't want to see. Just focus on the cold. Try not to think about it and just focus on the cold. It'll be over soon enough, just don't think about it.

They're putting things inside him. He can feel every movement they make as they do so. It's impossible not to. They feel like he's had marbles injected under his skin. He's crying and screaming and nobody seems to care. Why don't they care that they're putting him through such agony? They have to stop- focus on the cold. Just focus on the cold and you'll get through this. You have to stay awake. You need to know what they've done to you. An anger bubbles up inside him, turning his knuckles white and leaving a taste of bitterness in his heart. You can't trust these people, so you need to stay awake. Even when you feel you're at your wit's end, you need to stay awake through it all.

Then they remove their devices. Their syringes are gone, and the pain goes from constant to throbbing. Same intensity but washing over him in deep waves. They leave him shivering on the cold table with gaping wounds and he feels his anger become tainted with humiliation. He's exposed. He's been violated and invaded. But he did it. His will alone kept him conscious and fighting through the pain. Those glowing eyes burn in his memory, and he feels himself tense with anger.

They'll pay for this. The last thing they'll see is his face before he snuffs them out. Their own precious weapon turned against them. That's what holds him over in this moment of quiet, the closest thing he'll get to peace. They'll pay. It repeats in his mind like a mantra as everything slowly fades to black, his body still cold.

. . . . .

“Horns! Wake up!”

Horns felt himself shift, and he recoiled back in his chair.

“Don't touch me!”

His eyes were still shut. He couldn't see who had gotten so close to him, but he didn't care. If they were even remotely related to those people who had done this, it didn't matter. They were going down.

“Horns.”

Their hands were on his arms. They were trying to hold him down. They wouldn't get a chance. Horns kicked out, feeling his foot make contact with something hard.

“Agh, fuck. We need to wake him up!”

“Horns-”

“Jolly, keep your distance.

Jolly. Jolly? They'd gotten Jolly too? Those fuckers-

No. Jolly hadn't been there.... Had he been there? Was he still there?

Horns opened his eyes slowly, blinking against the harsh light. For a moment he was back in that room, but he forced the idea down with a deep swallow. He just needed his eyes to adjust. That was all.

“Horns.” He stared at the ground for a moment before groggily shifting his gaze up.

“G-Glitch?” He croaked out. “Where- where are we??”

Glitch flinched at the urgency and fear in his voice. “We're in the living room of our dorm at the Academy.”

“The Academy? You- you mean I'm not still in that bright room?”

“Bright room?” Glitch asked. Behind her, Gamma stiffened.

“Horns, what was in the bright room?” Horns' eyes swung to her, widening at Psi just coming to consciousness on the couch in front of her.

“What happened? Why's Psi passed out?” He curled in on himself, whispering, “What did I do?”

“Horns. The bright room.” Gamma prodded.

“There w-were people with glowing eyes. They were in lab coats, a-and they...” Horns squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the memory. “They did things to me. There were drills and it hurt so bad and I was cold and-”

“Okay.” Gamma shushed. “It's okay Horns. That wasn't you.” Her attention back to Psi shifting in her arms. “You alright, Psi?”

“I believe so.” He sat up, taking in the state of the room, and his team, around him. “I... should go.”

“Wait, Psi-”

“Gamma please.” Psi nodded to her. “I am fine.”

Without another word, he made his way to the door. Gamma watched with a hint of frustration through her concern as he simply grabbed a jacket and left. Her eyes shifted to where Horns had curled in on himself in the armchair, looking down and not seeming to listen as Glitch and Jolly spoke to him.

Callow approached her slowly. He said quietly, “You go with Psi, we'll take care of him.”

“A-are you sure?” Gamma replied.

Callow shrugged. “Gam, he's family.”

“But you're all family, too.” Gamma said.

“But you've known him longer. And through a lot more.” Callow retorted. “Gams, I'm sorry, but in this instance you're gonna have to choose. Even though I know you hate that.”

Gamma let out a long sigh. “Call me the moment things go off the rails.”

"We will.” Callow nodded. "And hey, I know you've got 97 others looking out for you, but if things go sideways just try to let us know too. We're worried for him just as much as the rest of you."

"Of course, of course." Gamma agreed.

"Alright, get him home to Sammy." Callow said, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "And promise you'll call me if you need me?"

"Promise."

Horns didn't even look up as Gamma left. Nor did he look at Glitch as she knelt in front of him. His eyes were shut tight against the world, tears sliding down his cheeks seemingly without his notice.

"Horns, look at me."

He just curled in on himself.

"Look at me.”

His eyes cracked open.

"We're going to get you upstairs and into bed, okay?"

He shifted, the beginnings of a resistance in his posture and on his trembling lips.

"You don't have to sleep." Glitch cut him off. "But we need to get you warm."

At his lack of response, Glitch took that as understanding. She was wrong. She offered a hand for him to hold, but quickly withdrew as he flinched at the movement, part of his mind still trapped in whatever he saw. Instead, she stood, watching him patiently as he silently debated what to do. She saw the flickering of his eyes darting about in a plan, and she knew.

"Open the door." She mumbled quietly to Jolly.

Jolly gave her an odd look, but nodded, heading over to do so just as Horns bolted. Jolly leapt to grab his coat and hook it on his shoulder as he passed, barely managing to catch him. And with his faster speed, Horns was gone in an instant.

Glitch let out a sigh which quickly devolved into an angry growl. She turned to Peony. "Track him. Do not lose him, but don't let him see you either."

"You're not going to give him space?" Callow asked.

"Did you see his arms?" Glitch said. "They were littered with scratches. No cuts yet, but we don't know what happened. We don't know what it may make him do."

Wordlessly, Peony went for the still open door.

"Peony."

She turned, lips tight.

"Bring him back safe."

. . . . .

Horns had found the heart of the forest. He could feel the souls of old trees surrounding him, protecting him, comforting him. He collapsed under one of them, holding his sides as he rocked back and forth. His breathing was heavy, slightly visible in the cold afternoon air of late autumn. Unseen above him, Peony watched from the branches.

"What did I just do?" Horns whispered to himself. "What..." He cut himself off with a strangled sob, not quite crying, but certainly close to it.

"Ok. Ok, I need to calm down." He stood, pacing from tree to tree. "Ok let's think about this. That... that was Psi. That wasn't me. And he- oh my god. That was the project. Oh..."

He stopped pacing, eyes on the ground and hands over his mouth. His body shook with shock and fear at the realization of what he'd just done to Psi. Countless scenarios ran through his head. Psi could never be the same again. That project.. from what he saw, and what he'd heard before, it had been intense. No one should have to relive that, and he just had. But maybe Psi would be fine. Would he? Horns had never been equipped for something borderline torturous like that, and he doubt he ever would be. But now those images burned bright in his mind like a flame, its fire spreading, consuming him in painful agony. It left scars on his open heart that he wasn't sure would heal. And as he sank back to the ground, the tears began to fall anew.

Peony frowned, making her way quietly to the base of the tree. She crouched as she watched him dissolve further into his meltdown, the sobs shaking his already trembling form. He was breaking inside, and the cold around him wasn't helping. Silently, she retrieved his jacket from where he had dropped it, bracing for his undoubtedly startled reaction when she placed it on his shoulders.

To say he jumped would be an understatement. He flinched so hard she was surprised he hadn't broken something.

“P-Peony...” He stammered. “What are you doing here?”

“Trying to make sure you don't do something stupid.” She replied, the bluntness of her words making him cringe.

“I... I wouldn't have-”

“Then what's with the scratches?”

Horns looked down at his arms, shock writing itself across his face. Where once were white porcelain arms dotted only with veins and Woodland Virus markings, scratches and hairline cracks now muddled the once smooth surface.

“I.. don't know how... I didn't do that.” He hesitated. “N-not on purpose anyway.”

Peony frowned. “Okay... wasn't expecting that. Alright. Alright, that's okay.” She crouched in front of him. “Look, you've gotta be freezing by now. Let's get you home.”

“I don't wanna go home.” He mumbled.

“Excuse me?” He winced at the disbelief in her voice. “Horns, it's freezing out here, and you came out here cold as an icecube to begin with.”

“I don't want to hurt anyone else.”

Peony couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes before she slapped him.

".... thank you?" Horns said, his confused look matching the tone of his voice.

"You know who I am, Horns." Peony began. "I'm an assassin. I've murdered people both in front of you and behind your back."

"Pe-"

"I'm skilled with a blade, and I know exactly where to put it to cause the most pain with the least amount of damage. I could kill you right here, right now, and no one would know. Just leave your shattered body in a garbage bag somewhere. They'd never find you. Cover it with enough layers of plastic, they'll never see your pulsing soul crying out for help. Wandering hopelessly without a body."

"W-what are you trying to say?" Horns asked, eyes wide and veins flaring with fear.

"I'm saying that if ever there was a time for you to retaliate, that slap coming from someone like me was it." Peony said. "So, knowing that, you really think you're that dangerous?"

"I... I don't know..." Horns replied.

"Do you trust me?" Peony asked.

Horns looked away but managed to mumble out, "You know I do."

"Then come home." Peony's voice was almost pleading. "Please? Stop moping around in the forest. It's creepy and emo."

“As always, Pe, your version of comfort is both soothing and annoying.” Horns said.

Peony bumped their shoulders together lightly. “Would you expect any less from me?”

“Not in the slightest.”

. . . . .

“Hey.” Callow answered his phone softly, nodding to Glitch, nestled at the foot of the bed as Horns slept deeply under many covers.

“Hey.” Gamma echoed just as softly. “How's it going over there?”

“Well... like you'd expect.” Callow said. “He freaked, went for a freakout in the woods like he always does, and then we dragged him back home and sat his ass in bed. He's asleep now. Glitch is keeping an eye on him and I doubt she's leaving any time soon.”

“That's good.” Gamma sighed.

Callow hummed his agreement. “How about Psi?”

“I think he'll be alright.” Gamma said. “He wouldn't say a word to me on the drive home, but I didn't really expect him to. He's with Sammy now.”

“Good.” Callow hesitated, unsure in this situation what questions were too much. “Gamms, what happened?” There was a very long pause, and Callow felt his shoulders tense. “You... don't have to tell me-”

“No, it's... it's fine.” She cut in. “It's just... stuff from the past. I think he'd prefer if you found out from him. Or Horns, I guess, if he's ready to talk....”

He gave a wry laugh. “He's barely ready to think about it right now, let alone talk about it.”

“Just give it time, alright? It's a lot to take in. Don't push him.” She advised.

“We wont. Of course we won't.” He agreed. “Look, it's been a rough afternoon, I think we should both get some rest.”

“Yeah.” She agreed.

“But I love you.” He offered lightly. “And I know things are going to turn out alright.”

“I know.” She agreed. “Love you too. Bye.”

In two separate rooms on opposite sides of the city, two halves of a couple both sighed, “God I hope this turns out alright.”

. . . . .

“Cal?” Jolly leaned around his door

Callow hummed his acknowledgment, eyes still glued to his screen.

“Glitch sent me to get you.” Jolly said. “Well, I mean, she didn't really send me, but she was having trouble staying awake and kind of hinted that you said you'd take over watching Horns and so I-”

Callow smiled at her rambling and shut his laptop, taking it with him as he stood. “Yeah, I did say I'd cover her. Thanks Joll.”

“No problem.” She mumbled out, words blocked by worry.

“Hey.” He gave her shoulders a slight squeeze in a side hug as he passed her in the door. “He's gonna be fine. I know it.”

“Yeah...” Jolly sighed.

Callow just gave her head a pat and made his way down the hall. Jolly always let the mood of others affect her. It was both endearing and simultaneously worrying, but they loved her for it.

“Glitch?” He called as he pushed the door to Horns' room open.

“Mm?” She hummed in reply, groggy eyes blinking at him.

He smiled softly. “Get out of here. Go take a nap.”

“Mmmmm...” She flopped off the foot of the bed where she'd been perched the whole time. “Alright. He's asleep. Watch him. Nightmares, y'know...”

“I know, Itch.” Callow helped her to her feet and gently guided her to Jolly. “I got this. Just go sleep.”

“C'mon Gigi.” Jolly took her back down the hall, sending a grateful smile over her shoulder to Callow.

He let his smile linger for a bit before turning to the lump of Horns asleep, and practically buried, beneath the blankets. His smile slowly faltered. Everyone wanted to be there for Horns, Glitch especially, but it was hard when no one knew what they were up against. When even Horns didn't know what it was, and he'd been the one to experience it, they knew they were fucked. Still, they held out hope they'd figure it out, in time. They didn't dare mention it outside the dorm for fear that their peers would look at Horns differently. He already had to conceal one major part of who he was with his hoodie, better to keep this quiet. At least until he could control it better. At least until he chose to make it public.

He'd hit a depressive episode, though, their friend. He often got like this when he messed up, even if he was the only one who considered it as such. When self doubt reared its ugly head. Jolly and Peony had pieced together one night over a particularly strong cup of hot cocoa that it had something to do with where he grew up; his trepidation of opening himself up to strangers a strong indicator. As such, they tread carefully but closely as he worked through it, keeping an eye on him where they could. One day they'd crack that shell, but for now they'd settle for Horns cracking a smile.

Until then, Callow set his laptop up on Horns' desk, booted up a time wasting game, and waited. One ear always perked in his direction.

. . . . .

It was some time before Horns woke. Callow had already made his way through two of Jolly's hot cocoa deliveries, and most of the remnants of a paper due for Cursive Delta's class in a month, by the time he heard the sounds of a Satyr stirring. He spun around in the desk chair, waiting to see what state Horns was in today.

Apparently not a good one, as the stirring continued, but the waking did not. Callow recognized the signs of a nightmare instantly, having been through many himself. There was a split second in which he considered getting Glitch, but that was quickly shot down. She was far too tired.

He approached the edge of the bed slowly in an effort to make no noise. Horns shuffled beneath the sheets, rolling from one side to the other, constantly moving. But even when he stopped shifting his body, he was doing something with is arms.

"Horns. Wake up buddy." He called softly. Horns rolled on to his back, tangled in his sheets, and Callow almost reached out to shake his arm. Almost. He stopped and watched as Horns scratched at the very same arm. Peony had warned them of this, and the way Horns scratched with an almost fearful need worried him. He grabbed Horns' hands and held them tight as he placed all his weight on the edge of the bed, hoping the movement would be enough.

It was. Horns' eyes flashed open immediately, his body flinching away as he took in the situation. He seemed to register the pain in his arms, as he tried to pull his hands from Callow's grasp.

"Don't." He said softly as Callow held one hand tight, his voice rough. "Please. I don't want to see."

"I just want to make sure you're alright." Callow replied, matching Horns' soft tone. "You don't have to look."

Horns frowned at him but relaxed his muscles anyway, turning to the side. The skin wasn't as rough as Callow thought it would be. It had clearly been scratched quite vigorously, the lines of scrapes clear, but where he'd been expecting multiple cracks, there were only about three. They'd heal overnight as long as they weren't scratched more, though he doubted they'd get that kind of reprieve given the current state of things.

"Alright." He pulled Horns' sleeve back up. "Alright, it's done. Sorry if I startled you by the way, I didn't think you'd want to sleep through whatever it was you were seeing."

"Thanks." Horns said. He pulled his knees to his chest under the covers, not making eye contact with Callow.

"So... how you doing?" The gator virus asked.

Horns eyes darted about, trying to grasp the right words. He couldn't.

Callow hummed. "Yeah I know that feeling. Need anything? Food? Jolly's hot cocoa?"

"No. I-I'm fine." Horns replied.

"You sure? You haven't eaten much lately."

"Not hungry." Horns mumbled.

"How about a shower then?" Callow offered. "You'll feel better after that."

"I'm fine." There was a bit more force in Horns' voice.

"Horns, come on-" Callow shut right up when Horns finally met his eye, a miserable look on his face. Callow nodded, the wordless communication coming through loud and clear. "Ok. I understand. When you need that, we're here."

"I know." Horns replied.

Callow sat back on the bed awkwardly, not sure what to do next and unwilling to just walk away. Horns laid back in the bed again, mind running a mile a minute. Finally, he let out a long sigh through his nose. "I know what it is."

"What what is?" Callow asked.

"What I did. To... Psi. Even before I looked it up, I knew he didn't faint at random. I knew I did it." Horns said, his voice dripping with self deprecation. "It's called a Mind Dive. It's a psychic thing, like Divination. There are multiple branches of Clairvoyance, this being one. You root around in people's mind to get your answers. You see what they don't want you to. And then they see what you see. I made him relive one of his worst memories, Cal. I made him relive the 99er project. They broke him. Broke. Him. And what did I do? I made him feel it all over again."

"You don't know that-"

"I don't? Viruses do not faint. Not without a pretty damn good reason. And I would say shock is a pretty fucking good reason. Face it," Horns pulled his blankets back over his head. "I'm a monster."

"No, you're not." Callow said, kneeling on the edge of the bed and ripping down the covers. "You are Horns Ask Khaos, alright? You are one of my best friends, and you are a member of Gamma-Psi. You will not hurt someone unless they truly, truly deserve it. Psi is not one of those people. This was an accident."

"An accident? Yeah?" Horns retorted, venom in his voice. He pushed himself into a sitting position, eyes glaring back at him, but dead inside. "Like the time I shoved a blade two inches into the same damn man's fucking face? Once is an accident, twice is a trend. I don't have any control, Cal. And with the abilities I have, if I'm not in control... I'm going to hurt people. Cal, I'm going to hurt a lot of people."

"Horns-"

"I could even hurt one of you guys." Horns continued. "What if I dove into your mind, Cal? I mean, we all hear you at night when you actually fall asleep. We've heard the nightmares. That's why you don't sleep. What if I could make them unavoidable? Any time of day, I could make you go through your worst nightmares. And I wouldn't be able to stop."

"I..." Callow faltered, the idea of his nightmares getting to him. "I don't know."

Horns sighed, rolling back onto his side facing away from Callow. "That's what I thought."

Callow stood, trying to get his labored breathing under control. Flashes of things that lurked in his dreams ran through his mind, taunting him. Haunting him. He shook himself to pull back into reality. Through heavy breaths, he said to Horns' back. "You. Are not. A monster. And you may not believe that now, but you will. No matter how much you try to pull away from us, distance yourself, close off, we are going to stick with you. We will make you understand that you are not broken, you just had a bad day. One day you'll believe us. And we will not stop until that day comes."

And with that, he walked away.

He shut the door behind him, closing his eyes against the crying he heard behind it lest he turn around again. Making his way to his own room, Callow pulled out his phone and called up a number that soothed him just by the name it went with.

“Hey babe.” Gamma's soft voice was the tipping point that finally calmed his breathing.

“Hey Gams.” He sighed

“That doesn't sound good.” Gamma said. “What happened?”

“I mean... like, nothing big, it's just....” Callow groaned. “God I didn't want to do this. Look, I don't think Glitch pushing herself to stay awake for way too long, or Jolly's denied hot cocoa offers are going to do shit for Horns. We need... we need him.”

“What?” Gamma almost shrieked out. “Now?”

“No, no, not right now.” Callow replied quickly. “Gamma, breathe, not right now.” He waited until he could hear an audible breath over the line. “When he's ready. I just think he's the only thing that's going to get through to Horns right now, even if it's half on shock.”

Gamma hummed. “It might take a bit.”

“That's fine.” Callow assured her.

“You're sure about this?”

“I mean-”

“Babe, you need to be sure. For both of them.”

“I'm sure.” Callow said. “If this doesn't work, I doubt much else will.”

“Alright.” Gamma replied. “I'll let you know as soon as possible.”

Callow flopped back on his bed in relief. “Thank you, Gams.”

“Don't thank me till it works.”

. . . . .

Horns was scrolling through something on his phone when he walked in, its light the only source of brightness in the room. He looked up at Psi apprehensively, eyes squinting from the phone screen. They were quickly blown wide at the realization of who stood before him, and Horns scrambled to turn on the light beside his bed.

Once they could both see, he simply stared up at Psi, his body braced to run if necessary.

"I know." Psi said.

"... beg pardon?" Horns replied awkwardly.

"It's a bitch, is it not?" Psi continued, pulling up one of the sleeves of his cardigan to reveal the scratches underneath. "This..."

Horns glanced down as his own arms, the scratches hidden but still painfully there. He didn't say anything. Psi looked... unraveled. He was never like this. It scared him.

"It hurts less now, though. Sometimes I barely feel it. The seeds underneath. The squirming." Psi said, though his hands had begun to rake at his arms in a way Horns knew too well. "But, I mean, it is fine, right? Looks cool, I guess."

Horns eyes darted around the room, watching warily as flowers began to sprout everywhere. Normally that was a good sign. He didn't think so right now.

Psi's breathing had gotten heavier. "No, it is fine! It is all fine! I am in control. It is... it is fucking everywhere- but I am in control. I am okay, I got this."

He suddenly collapsed on the edge of Horns' bed, making the satyr scramble back as far as he could, drawing the blankets close to him. Psi sat there, hunched over, while plants started to grow out of him. Horns could feel his shuddering from where he sat, the very movement getting him worked up as well. He knew he should help in some way, or at least get out of the way of this particular 99er, but fear held him in place. This was his fault.

"I am fine." Psi tried to convince himself while pulling at his hair, the action only serving to cause flowers to bloom around the locks.

"I am fine." The room was full of leaves and vines of all colours. All stemming from where he sat.

"I am fine." His form looked more like a forest creature than a virus now, branches having sprouted from his back.

"I am still here!" He nearly shouted. The petals all around them suddenly fell off. The branches started to retract. He stood. "I am still here. And nothing hurts me anymore."

He looked over to where Horns was, but Horns was gone. Or, rather, he was covered, having dived under the blankets as his own panic became too great. He'd barely been holding it together before, but seeing his own mentor breaking down, and seeing how the memory he read affected the man, was too much. His covered form shook with heavy tears and heavy breaths that fought to be deep enough to keep him going, but did not succeed.

Psi sighed, and moved to sit back on the bed, closer this time. He placed a hand on where he assumed Horns' shoulder was, keeping there even after the young virus flinched hard.

"Horns, please take a deep breath for me." He ordered calmly.

Horns tried to do so, the breath unstable and hiccuping. Psi nodded to himself.

"And another."

"And another."

They stayed like that for some time, until Psi felt Horns was in a calm enough state to continue. He pulled the covers down slowly, giving Horns time to stop him if needed, but Horns instead bolted upright, back to the same position as before, ready to run.

"I'm sorry." He said quickly. "You're the one who should be freaking out, not me. I'm sorry."

"You do not need to placate me." Psi replied. "This has no doubt been hard on you, as well."

"Yeah, but you're the one who had this shit happen to them." Horns argued. "You didn't need to relive that."

"It is not just something I repress until I cannot see it anymore." Psi said. "It is a memory, Horns. Everyone visits unpleasant memories now and then. Dive into mine all you want. As I said, nothing hurts me anymore."

Horns looked at him like he'd gone insane. "Are you fucking kidding me? I am not using that power ever again. Especially not on you."

"You think this is easy?" Psi shot back, growing a cactus out of his forearm. "It hurt so bad when I first did this." He shook his arm for emphasis, making Horns flinch. "Now? Nothing. It is control. You control what you do with your powers. Especially with powers of the mind. You see what you want to see."

"I did... that to you. I've never seen you like that before..." Horns replied shakily, voice barely above a whisper but with the force of a shout. "How am I going to be able to control it? I couldn't even stop it when I desperately wanted to."

"One bad experience does not a career make. You get better with practice." Psi argued.

Horns sighed, letting his world sink in out of respect, and out of the small part of him that knew Psi was right. He closed his eyes against the world. "I'm sorry. Really sorry. If I could have controlled it, I never would have made you go through that... uh, again, I mean."

"I go through it all the time." Psi scoffed. "When I am alone, when I am in a mood. And every time. In full detail. Because my mind is a mess. I would hardly consider this your fault. You found a door and you peeked inside. Hardly the first time it has happened."

"I'm still sorry you have to go through that." Horns said, his fight or flight stance finally relaxing. "And I'm always going to be sorry that I hurt you... again."

"I have had worse. You have seen that." Psi shrugged. "But I do need you to know something. That one bad memory; it is just one. I have made way better memories since then. We all have. One bad memory cannot change who you are. It has no power over you. Despite what it looks like, I am still as much of a pain in the ass as I was back then. It is one bad experience. Just one."

Horns let himself give a slight smirk. "Well, technically we've had two now. With the whole... knife to the face thing- nevermind. I... hear you. I'm still sorry but I do hear you."

"Oh please like that is the first time I have been stabbed in the face-" Psi caught himself, realizing a tour of all the fights he'd been in was probably the last thing Horns needed. "Well... nevermind. Just do not give up on yourself yet. I have seen that potential. It is waiting to be used. I would hate to see you break down because of a mistake. Albeit an... interesting mistake, but just a mistake nonetheless. I do not expect you to be perfect, but I do expect you to try."

"Okay...." Horns agreed, nodding his head but staring at his sheets.

Psi just pat him on the head, letting the room fall silent for a time

"Oh thank god you made up!" A very short time, as a certain sunny readhead came in to break the mood. "Bitch, I cannot handle the stress in this house!"

"Sammy..." Psi sighed.

"Sammy!" Horns greeted, feeling a rush of happiness only Sampi could have caused.

Sampi grinned at the less depressed greeting. "My baby is okay!"

"He is not your baby, Sammy." Psi deadpanned.

"Oh, that's right! He's your baby."

"He is not my baby either!"

"Hug your baby, Psivy."

"No."

"Hug the baby!"

"No!"

Sammy instead went to hug Horns. "It's okay. Daddy is rude and won't hug you, but I will."

"Do not call me daddy!"

"Can I call you daddy?" Glitch asked from the doorway.

"At the risk of your own life, I would not advise it." Psi shot back with a glare while Sampi started to rock Horns in a hug behind them.

"She's gonna do it now." Callow cut in, his head above Glitch's peeking around the doorframe. "You know that, right?"

"I really think you shouldn't." Gamma advocated, her head somehow at the bottom of the group.

"How about we don't torture Plant Dad?" Jolly agreed from the top of the group.

"Yes. Please. Thank you, Jolly, Gamma." Psi said.

Peony, from the middle of the pack, was the one to break formation and walk in to the room. "So how we doing?"

Horns looked up to meet her intense eye contact. "Better."

"So how does it work?"

"Gigi!"

"What? I'm curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat, you know."

"Bitch, you can try."

"To be perfectly honest." Horns gave a wry laugh. "I have no fucking clue."

"I wanna see you do it."

"Gigi!"

"What, right now?" Horns asked, balking at the idea for a moment before Sampi's powers calmed him.

"Yeah!" Glitch was practically jumping on the spot. With a less than pleased Jolly behind her.

"You do not have to." Psi countered.

Horns thought on it for a moment. Maybe it was Sampi's powers talking, or maybe it was the emotional exhaustion, but he thought he could do it. He turned to Psi. "Nothing hurts you?"

"Nothing." Psi confirmed with a curt nod and a smile.

"Okay..." Horns let out a shaky sigh. He lunged towards Psi, wrapping him in a tight hug as he shut his eyes tight, focusing on the sensation that caused this whole mess.

. . . . .

Everything was warm and soft. Horns felt himself lying in a foreign bed, but this time he tried to distance himself from what he saw.

Psi and Sampi lay together in bed. It was late, neither of them sure of the hour but not caring either. Psi had his arms around Sammy, holding him close.

“So I was talking to Gamma...” Sampi started, his voice rough but quiet.

Psi hummed his acknowledgment, letting Sampi continue.

“She said she was considering adding another mentor to her team like Theta did.” Sampi continued.

“Yes, she told me too.” Psi replied.

Sampi rolled to face him. “So are you gonna join?”

“I would ask how you knew, but-”

“I always know.” Sampi finished for him. “So?”

“I am considering it.” Psi said.

“Well I think you'd be great at it.” Sampi murmured, tucking his head under Psi's chin, his breath ghosting down his partner's bare chest.

“You literally just want me to do it so you can faun over the kids.” Psi retorted, scratching lightly at Sammy's scalp.

“Well I don't see you giving me any kids yet.” The redhead shot back.

“Sammy-”

“I'm not getting any younger, Psivy.”

“Sam-”

“My fatherly instincts aren't going to last forever.”

“Oh my god.” Psi rolled on to his back, facepalming hard.

“So?” Sampi sat up, leaning over Psi with his hands pressing into the hot doctor's stomach.

Psi let his hand fall to his side, opening his eyes to smile up at Sampi. “Well how can I say no now when you have gotten yourself all excited?”

Sampi grinned back at him, pouncing on top of Psi and wrapping them up both in a hug, and the sheets.

. . . . .

Horns let the memory stop there. As he came out of it and pulled away, Psi smiled down at him. He inclined his head to where Sampi and Gamma waited with bated breath. “They are my good memories. All 98 of them.”

“And they're mine.” Horns looked towards his team.

“And this team will never be something I regret.” Psi gave him a pointed look. “All of it.”

Horns looked down and gave a wry shake of his head. “Okay, I get it now.”

“Good.” Psi said. “The rest, we will work through. I am confident you can get a handle on this.”

“And they'll help me through it.” Horns winked at his team, eyes moist again but this time for the right reasons.

So... yeah... that happened. The only thing that’s not actually confirmed canon is Psi’s happy memory, because I didn’t actually know how Psi came to the decision to join the team, and I didn’t want to nag Larka AGAIN for more info after she basically RPed that confrontation scene between Psi and Horns with me, and gave me a ton of info on Mind Dives, and explained how this that and the other thing would go and how it would change based on this that or the other thing, and also actually discussed the 99er project with me and, y’know it just seemed like she’d given me enough, lol. But Horns’ Mind Dive capabilities are canon. He’s always had minor prophetic abilities, mostly just strong intuition, never actual visions, and this is just a new skill that’s come from that. If you didn’t notice... another 99er we’ve heard from recently has the same ability just a shitton stronger...

If you have any questions, let me know!!!

[theliterateape]

Long Train Running: A Chicago Marathon Story | Chapter 9 — The Unfinished Line

By David Himmel

By the time this is published, the Chicago Endurance Sports training group I’d been running with this summer will be gathering at the Ben Franklin statue in Lincoln Park getting ready to have their last long-ish training run before Race Day. It’ll be chilly and dark. These runners are out and wide awake before the sun, warming up with dynamic stretches. They’ll be coalescing into their separate pace groups, hyping each other up for this final day of training before it’s Marathon Week. They’ll be laughing. Spirits will be high. They’ll probably be talking about the weather now and what the weather will be like in eight days when they gather again to do the thing they’d been training for and looking forward to all summer — maybe longer.

I will be asleep. Or maybe I’ll have dragged my fickle body out of bed to bang out some work before the kid wakes up and the dog needs to be taken out and the wife needs her coffee. The point is that I won’t be at the Ben Franklin statue in Lincoln Park getting ready to have a run. Because I’m not running the Chicago Marathon.

This isn’t my choice. This is the last thing I wanted. But I have answers to the questions I’ve been living with for the last two weeks. The answers are that I am injured, too injured to run, so injured that I’m now using a cane to get around. Yeah, a cane. An old man’s cane. It’s the cane that belonged to my great-grandfather Joe. I grabbed it from my grandparents’ house after Nonny died expecting it to be a kind of heirloom. I had no intention of actually using it. But I’ve been instructed by Brad Pennington, PA-C in the Orthopaedic Surgery Department at Northwestern Medicine to take as much pressure off my right leg as possible. For at least six weeks. And if the cane ain’t doing it, I should upgrade to crutches.

I have a focal stress response, which is the beginning of a stress fracture. If I were to run the marathon next week, or even the quick, easy seven miles scheduled for this morning, I would quite likely end up with a stress fracture in my femur, or even a full blown fracture. Imagine that… I trained so hard for this goddamn race that I am literally a few steps away from breaking the largest and most difficult bone to break in the human body.

Rest. That’s the treatment plan. That’s all I can do.

These injuries happen. And it can be a result of improper training, specifically, training too hard. I can’t say for sure, and neither can Pennington, if I caused this injury because I didn’t rest properly or do my cut back weeks properly. I don’t think I have a bone density issue or low calcium. I don’t know. Shit happens. This shit couldn’t have happened at a worse time.

When I started this training thing, I was in pain. But that’s because I was out of shape and I went into it way too hard, way too fast. So this summer, all of this training has been about achieving one goal: get strong. I have failed in that regard. Other than the focal stress response, do I feel stronger? Yes. I look it, too. I have noticed my body taking a new shape. A better shape. The shape of someone who is in shape. What I didn’t know is that underneath all that shape and strength was a subterranean weakness festering. If this had happened at the beginning of the training cycle, I’d have rested, just been late to the game. But I would have been able to run the marathon. Six weeks of rest. Six weeks of rest when you’re looking at nineteen weeks of training is hardly a drop in the bucket. Six weeks of rest when you’re at week eighteen is… What’s the word… unfortunate. No. Disappointing. That’s it.

I signed up to run the Chicago Marathon as a way to raise money for Gilda’s Club Chicago. And I did. I raised more than my minimum thanks to the generosity of family and friends. And though I know not a single one of those donors will ask for their money back, I still owe them a marathon. I owe myself a marathon. Because I also signed up to run this thing to prove to myself that I could do it. I didn’t care about finishing at a certain time; my goal was to finish somewhere not much longer than four hours without having to walk and without injury.

The marathon has become a trigger for me. The ads, the emails I still get, the posts from the social media groups I’m in or follow, my running shoes collecting dust and dog hair… they trigger my sadness. I would rather not think about the Chicago Marathon the way I didn’t want to think about an ex-girlfriend after she dumped me. It’s a reminder of my shortcomings. I had planned on taking my son to see my grandmother on Race Day. She lives in Thronton, far away from all things Chicago Marathon. I love seeing her and my son together. Plus, Gramma would take care of me. She’d let me lay up and watch movies and cook for me. No one can love like Gramma can love and that Gramma love can fix anything. Anything.

But! Because I’m not a beta twentysomething anymore or a second grader, I’m avoiding the avoiding, and I’ll join Team Gilda outside of Gilda’s Club Chicago on North Wells Street to cheer on the runners. I know how hard they worked, how hard everyone participating in the marathon next Sunday worked to get to that day. They deserve my cheering. Not because my cheering matters much in the grand scheme of things, but because runner’s need energy, and there’s no better energy than that which comes from a stranger screaming at you from a crowded sidewalk while you jog in the middle of the street. And instead of thinking of my shortcomings, I’m thinking of how far I got. I’m thinking of how I’ll heal and how I’ll do better next time and how I’ll be stronger after I’m healed. And when I miss being out there on a run, just for me, I’ll go for a swim. That’s okay to do, Pennington says. I love swimming.

Maybe I’ll start conditioning myself for more water-based endurance activities. Maybe I’ll compete in a triathlon. How hard can it be? And why bother with a measly little marathon when I can push my body to the absolute brink with a triathlon?

Nah, maybe not. Not yet. Baby steps. Marathon first.

I won’t run the Chicago Marathon this year as planned. I physically can’t. And since I can’t run the marathon, I can’t finish it, so, this is far from over. This long train running has not come to the end of the line yet. But it did have to pull into a station along the way for repairs. It just did so at the worst possible time.

Catch up and keep the pace!

Chapter 1 — Ready, Set, Ouch 

Chapter 2 — The Cost of This

Chapter 3 — Weather or Not

Chapter 4 — Why We Run 

Chapter 5 — Thoughts Per Mile

Chapter 6 — 16 Post-run Requirements

Chapter 7 — Easy Does It

Chapter 8 — Broken Down?

[araneaes-order]

In the Bleak Mid-winter Ch. 5

LAST HERALD-MAGE FANFIC

Fix-it…ish. canon mm

Young Stefen, living on the streets, found out someone was looking for him and decided to lay low, avoiding the mysterious stranger in red, so he’s never taken to Haven by Bard Lynnell. It was an unfortunate decision, but in spite of it, he and Van do meet up, just later, and under less kind circumstances. Basically a redo on the ending. ~55k words Finished.

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Visit my master list

Word Count: ~5280

Rating: Mature for, sorry, lots of bad stuff, rape, sexual abuse, child abuse. Canon was pretty dark, especially what I was redoing here, so’s this.

On AO3.

Chapter Synopsis: Van and Stefen continue north together.

In this only the Bard and the Companion were in complete agreement.

“It’s suicide!” Stefen insisted.

:You may as well let him take you to Leareth in chains.:

She wasn’t far off, but he remained implacable.

Yfandes could see how set his mind was on this course; the Bard fought him longer but eventually gave in as well.

At a guess, and at only a slight probing with his Empathy, Vanyel would say the boy felt guilty for what he’d brought Van into.

By now Vanyel himself was inclined to be more practical: the Bard could get him to Leareth, perhaps get him close enough to see what power the dark mage really had amassed and enable him to send Yfandes with specifics to get backup from the other Heralds—which should have been his plan all along if he hadn’t let his personal grief cloud his usually much more calculated thinking.

Arrogant fool.

“I will take however much you have left of that powder, though.” He told the Bard, not phrasing it as a request.

The boy nodded and reached into a hidden pocket in his shirt, a cutpurse’s trick for hiding what they’d stolen, pulling out a fistful of small, gray, waxed-paper packets.

Vanyel spread them out on his palm, counting, before he looked up again. “That’s all of them?”

Stefen nodded, eyes darting to meet Van’s and then away. “That and the two I used, one for you, one for her.”

“And the darts?”

He made a face. “Left with my gear at the guard post.”

His words matched Vanyel’s stolen memories from the bandits who’d seen Master Dark’s man charge Stefen with the capture. Ten small packets; eight now. And the pre-poisoned darts had been carefully wrapped in cloth and kept in a wooden box for safety; he couldn’t hide those in any pocket.

“Thank you.”

The only question as far as Van was concerned was whether to let Stefen ride one of the little mountain ponies the brigands had used or to ride double on Yfandes. She made her objections to carrying the Bard very clear—and the Bard made his objections to riding double clear as well, when Vanyel decided that it was the wiser course anyway. She could go much faster than any pony, and it would be easier for Vanyel to cast a seeming on them if they were all one ‘mass’ instead of two.

“She’ll bite me!” the Bard said, glaring at ‘Fandes.

“She won—stop that!” Van said to her when she snapped at the Bard to prove his words.

:Behave! We need him.:

:We’d travel faster alone. And much more safely.:

:We’ve been over this: he can get us closer to Leareth than we can get alone. He knows where to find him and can keep us from stumbling into him, blind.:

She lapsed into sullen silence.

He finished strapping down what meager supplies he dared pack, knowing he’d already be pushing her to carry two.

:You’re a feather. And that Bard’s even smaller,: she grumped.

He stroked her neck and rested his head against her for a moment. :Be kind, dear heart. I swear, we need him. I don’t think we can do what we must without him.:

Her ears pricked. :You have a plan?: she asked hopefully. He knew she’d never cared for the first one—straight confrontation and probably Final Strike, if the mage was as powerful as Vanyel’s dreams had long foretold—and it hadn’t changed enough to trouble her with it yet. If anything, he knew she’d like what he thinking now even less.

:I’m considering options,: he answered diplomatically, but she knew him too well to take much encouragement from that.

Van mounted with the ease of long practice and held his hand down for Stefen. He’d been content to leave everything behind but his gittern: a true penitent or just a true Bard, Van couldn’t decide, but when the boy grasped his arm, he pulled him up behind him to ride pillion. ‘Fandes didn’t have the right saddle for it but they’d have to make do.

They were still in sight of the ruined hall when Yfandes jerked her head and stared off towards the west.

:Riders,: she warned him and broke in a run in the opposite direction, kicking up snow in their wake. The unexpected burst of speed had the Bard grabbing at Van’s waist. He patted the boy’s hand but kept his focus on the forest around them.

:Should we go back to investigate?: he wondered.

:No,: she answered, her mind-voice unusually dark. :You want to go see what Leareth is up to. That’s where we’ll go. I just hope you’re right that we can trust this Bard.:

Van and ‘Fandes both swept the surrounding woods and hills for signs of other people as they rode, but they found only the small, quiet minds of animals around them.

Yfandes corrected her course once she and Vanyel were certain that they’d bypassed the riders she’d sensed closer to the keep, though they crossed twice more with the path the riders had cut through the forests, marked clearly in churned snow and broken underbrush.

In so wide an expanse as this hard, northern country, it was sheer luck that Yfandes stumbled out into Rendan and Tan’s campsite—except that they were clearly backtracking the path the other riders had taken and obviously they’d been here first.

Both of the men were frozen, stripped to the skin, flesh gone blue and crystalline. They were hideously curled, preserved in their death throes as they’d been impaled on solid wooden stakes, driven like flagpoles into the ground around their dead campfire.

Rendan looked less anguished, perhaps already dead, or dead quickly after he’d been impaled, hanging limp on the pole that nevertheless kept even his lower-dangling leg a good foot off the ground. Tan had not been so lucky it seemed; both of his hands were frozen in rigor and ice around the part of the pole that protruded from his stomach, as though he’d fought to drag himself up or off.

“Gods!” Stefen breathed. “Uwald’s men got them.”

“You can tell who did this?”

“Uwald likes to take eyes, tongues, and…privates. Feeds them to his hounds. Says it keeps them hungry for hunting more,” he answered faintly, breaking up his words like he was fighting not to be sick.

Van had assumed that carrion birds had done that, but now that Stefen suggested otherwise it did seem unlikely that even the most determined scavenger could have braved the ever-worsening weather just to eat those parts alone, without even nibbling at anything else.

“If Uwald did this to Rendan, he’ll have gone over afterwards to check the keep…” the Bard continued after a moment, as ‘Fandes turned and picked up the pace to put the campsite behind them.

:Definitely our riders, then,: ‘Fandes thought, mind deliberately blank about the scene they’d just left.

“…and if Rendan told them about you before they took his tongue—”

“They’ll be coming after us,” Van said.

The snow never seemed to stop falling, an endless, suffocating blanket, darkening the sky and clinging to them with a determined tackiness that made Van think of spider’s webs, even as it dragged at Yfandes’ hooves.

The day wore onto night in a relentless blur of cold and snow and black, twisted branches reaching towards them while cracked black stones jutted from snowdrifts, blocking their way.

In a distressingly short time Vanyel began to feel the weariness weighing on him again. He’d done nothing but rest for nearly four days, but the speed at which he’d forced his body to heal had a price too, aside from the magic itself, and it was hard to stay awake in the saddle.

Even so, he’d thought he was handling it until he felt the Bard shaking his shoulder to rouse him from the doze he’d fallen into.

“We have to stop,” Stefen said.

“You can rest later,” he snapped. “We need to get as far as we can before we camp for the night.”

“I can rest later, but you and your lady are about to tumble over.”

The chiding in Stefen’s voice turned Van’s foggy thoughts to Yfandes, who had slowed to little more than a regular horse’s walking pace, her head down and ears folded back against the driving wind.

:’Fandes?:

:I’m fine!: she answered, as snappish as he’d been, and he smiled ruefully.

“How far are we from Crookback Pass?”

He could feel the heavy, borrowed cloaks around them shift as the Bard moved, trying to take stock of where they were. “We’re—oh!” he sounded surprised, as though until just now he hadn’t recognized the pace the Companion had kept to all day, which was likely, as monotonous as their surroundings were. But the distant mountains they’d faced that morning were now considerably less distant. “About another day, riding like this? Maybe less?”

:Sounds good enough to me, love.: he told her gently and though she didn’t respond immediately, she did come to a halt.

He’d done his best to strengthen and restore his own magical reserves with power tapped from local ley lines, but he was afraid to take too much, in case their enemy was watching those rivers and streams of power that ran through the land he’d already laid claim to. It was mostly because of Yfandes’ support that he was doing as well as he was, but that meant his recovery was taking a toll on her as well.

:Then it’s good enough for me.: She relaxed enough to allow her own weariness to color her mind-voice. He leaned forward to scratch between her ears.

:I’m sorry,: he told her, with a deep and true regret. His dearest friend and look what he was doing—

:They were my friends too, Van,: she thought at him firmly, sending him images of Shonsea, Rohan, and Kellen, as well as their Heralds, but this time she showed them as they had all been in better days, conspirators in joy, consolers in sorrow. :And Valdemar is my country. I love you, Chosen, but with you or with another, I would be just as determined to meet this threat.:

She sounded almost apologetic over the last, but he found it was a comfort to him. Of course, she was so much to him that he could forget that their bond had been forged for more than their own sakes; and it was what they valued as much as who and what they were that made that made that bond so strong.

:I’m making it about me again, aren’t I, love?: he asked with a sheepish chuckle.

She tossed her head in a weary, playful nod while she took them a bit further, to the shelter of an outcropping of tall rocks.

The Bard staggered and groaned when he dismounted, shaking himself like a wet dog and obviously fighting shaky legs, and Van smirked but didn’t comment.

There’s one point for the older set, he thought smugly.

:Or just the set who’s more used to being in a saddle for days on end without rest.:

He just laughed, not so tired he couldn’t call up a little bubble of warmth as he’d done every night on the way north, creating a small, temporary shelter from the cold inside a broken circle of standing stones, so he could focus on stripping Yfandes’ tack and gear and getting her warmed and rubbed down.

“Can you start a fire?” he asked the Bard, who’d taken off one glove and was waving his bare hand through the balmy air and looking as startled as he had when he’d realized how far they’d traveled in a day. He hadn’t seemed to notice yet that below his boots the snow was fast melting away, exposing dry ground and scrub. He jumped a little when he did but managed a strangled “Sure?” and he focused on the hunt for enough kindling to hide his discomfort with Van’s display of casual power.

:I’d get on you for showing off…:

:…but?: he inquired, not used to her restraint.

:But I don’t care, as long as we get warmed up,: she sighed.

Once they were warmed and the small fire was crackling Van relaxed his hold on that shield against the weather. The difference was instantaneous, but he didn’t want to drain himself more than he had to. He’d keep it warm enough for them not to freeze in their bedrolls and to keep Yfandes from stiffening up overnight but that didn’t require it to be comfortable.

He noticed Stefen’s sudden shiver, but the boy didn’t complain, just finished his share of the jerky and travel bread, and stared morosely at the fire between them.

He’d been there for many of the atrocities the bandits had remembered, if only the ones where victims were dragged back to the keep, and obviously he had knowledge of the dealings of other brigand bands in the area as well. Was he haunted by the memory of the campsite they’d stumbled on that morning, or was it old hat to a jaded young psyche?

Vanyel still wondered at that, even while he was drifting off again. He’d crawled into his bedroll before he’d let the warming spell slip, and curled up beside Yfandes’ big warm body as well.

Stefen finished his meal and took to his bedroll not long after, looking alone and small and young.

For the first time in a while, Van didn’t dream of ice and snow. He didn’t dream of his last stand, alone in a mountain pass, choosing to die so he could take his enemy with him.

He dreamed of late spring sun, and a field of wildflowers outside Haven. He was young again, riding Yfandes while she galloped with joyous ease through a bright, warm day, Tylendel laughing behind him, riding pillion. Lendel’s arms were around him, his chest at Vanyel’s back, surrounding him with love and laughter and just that presence that he missed, that he would never stop missing.

Van cried, even though he wanted to hold on to the feeling of peace he’d felt at first, but Lendel soothed him with wordless nonsense and kissed his cheek. “Soon, Van. We’re so close!”

What was ‘soon’ to an immortal boy, living in a world of eternally bright and beautiful days? A warning? A promise? A consolation?

Van didn’t have the chance to obsess over it, or whether the dream was anything but wishful thinking: there was someone else, besides the Bard, in their camp.

It was subtle, but he knew the crunch of boots on snow, especially the creeping crunch of someone trying to be quiet. Perhaps it had even been what had woken him.

He opened his eyes and saw the Bard. He’d been up for a while, by the look of him, sitting by the fire, cross-legged, with his cloak and his bedroll both wrapped around his shoulders. The firelight made him glow, his auburn hair an echo of the flame, framed before the dark trunk of the tree that, many decades ago, had interrupted the circle of standing stones, and who’s thick, overhanging branches had given it a roof.

Had Stefen betrayed them after all?

As though in answer the boy met Van’s eyes and shook his head. Play dead, he mouthed.

:Vanyel?: Yfandes’ mind-voice was slurred but he got the sense of her rising concern as she began to shift behind him.

:Be still,: he told her.

:You’re trusting him?: she demanded, quickly apprised of the situation. Though she heeded him and seemed to settle down again, even as he had, it was only because he was lying half against her that he was able to feel the tension still in her body.

:Let’s see how it plays out,: he said, trusting to instinct that had served him better in conflict than his spotty Gift of ForSight ever had.

The crunching stopped. Just because Van was willing to wait and see what the boy was planning to do didn’t mean he didn’t mentally sweep the area to find out what was against them. Four minds, one Gifted, though modestly by the standards of most Heralds except—yes, that one was also a mage.

:Spread out for an ambush.: Her distrust of the Bard radiated along their link. She wanted to be gone. He could roll a bit and mount as she stood and they could be off before the youth got to his feet. Long before the four humans closing in on their camp could reach them, if he’d give in to her urging.

:And leave Stefen to them?:

:What of it, if he’s one of theirs?:

Still, he’d been counting more on the fact that between himself and Yfandes they were more than a match for four toughs from the northern woods, even if one was a mage.

“Who goes?” Stefen called, sounding emphatically bored, in the way that only the young truly can.

After a moment there was a more obvious scraping of boots through the snow—and a chuckle, though only one person stepped from the shadows outside the standing stones into the light of the fire. The mage, Vanyel could tell, by the not entirely clean pulse of his power in the small campsite. A blood mage.

“Stefen! My boy! Passing through our land again. And you weren’t going to stop by the hold and make your hullos to old Gerlac?” the voice was low, husky, not with a cold or even with artifice, but as though the speaker had had some damage done to it at one time.

“No, Viga, I wasn’t. I barely made it away from Saski the last time I visited, I have no intention of giving her a chance to paw at me again.” Now he just sounded annoyed.

The mage laughed again, louder, with a nasty edge. “Oh, you just don’t know how to take the affections of a real, warrior woman. She was just trying to express her admiration of your fine…gittern playing.”

“I’m not interested in ‘taking’ the affections of any woman, as well you know. And I’m on Master’s Dark’s business now. I certainly don’t have time for any of Saski’s foolishness. He’d do worse than skin us both if I kept him waiting because of her.”

“Master Dark’s business, you say? You don’t seem to be in too much of a hurry right now, playing campout with your pretty friend there.” He knew who Vanyel was, Van was certain.

The Bard snorted, calling him on it. “C’m’off it Vig, you know who that is and what my business is.”

“He looks very cozy for a captive,” the mage said, finally voicing his suspicions.

“Cozy enough to not cause trouble.”

“Master Dark’s powder should have him a senseless lump. It’s only the two of you here, and his horse—and that one we had orders to kill. You expect me to believe you’re strong enough to manhandle him and control his horse, all the way from Rendan’s hold to Master Dark? Where are Lord Rendan’s men? What are you up to?”

The mage knew of the powder?

:And his Master Dark’s plans for me? Was your little Bard not the only one he sent for us? Do this fool and his friends have some of that damned powder too?:

Stefen yawned. “The powder didn’t work quite as Master Dark said it would. Or the Herald’s stronger than he’d expected, either way. He broke out of it. Several times. Took four doses just to get him quiet enough for Tan and I to drag him back to the keep. Then that idiot Rendan didn’t believe me that he wasn’t as far gone as the Master’s envoy had said he’d be and wanted to rough him up a bit, just for the sport of having one of those boys in white at his mercy.”

Stefen paused.

“Shoulda listened. The fucker woke up and leveled the place.”

“But not you?”

“I’m not an idiot,” he sneered. “When I saw Rendan wasn’t gonna stop I ducked out to the stables, didn’t go back until the hole he punched in the roof stopped smoking. Found him in the middle of the mess, weak as a babe and dosed him—double—again.”

“And the horse?” the mage wasn’t buying it.

“Dumb thing got away from me when I got the Herald—what good am I supposed to be with a godsdamned blow gun? Worked out okay though, the ponies all broke clear through that rotted old paddock gate when the keep went boom, but she showed up, blood in her eye, not long after, and I dosed her too.”

“And how did you get them all the way up here by yourself?” No, he wasn’t buying it at all.

Van readied himself to go for his short sword, hidden under a fold of his bedroll. How much good it would do if the mage did have more of that powder, he didn’t know, but perhaps he could throw the man off with a physical attack, when he was prepared for a magical one, and take him out before he could use it. And just hope that his three cohorts, still lingering out of sight, hadn’t been armed with it as well.

“Music,” the Bard answered, sounding startling self-satisfied.

“Music?” the mage asked, as confused as Van felt.

A quick, waterfall trill of notes rang out from that beat up old gittern Stefen had kept at his side since they’d left the remains of Lord Rendan’s keep.

“Herald, stand!” he commanded, in a theatrically deeper voice, speaking over a lilting melody.

…Okay…

:There’s no way this will work,: ‘Fandes fretted as Van slowly rose, keeping his movements deliberately mechanical, opening his eyes but leaving them unfocused.

“Horse, stand!” With a deep, only slightly annoyed mental grunt, ‘Fandes clambered to her feet as well.

“You see?” Stefen asked in apparent glee.

“They obey you…as long as you’re playing?” the mage’s voice had gone faint.

“Of course! Here, look—Herald, raise your right arm.”

Lord and Lady, this was a farce!

But he obeyed.

“Horse, take one pace forward—Horse, lift your left foreleg—Horse, sidestep right.”

Fandes’ cursing was quite imaginative.

:Don’t think humans bend that way, dearest.:

:He will when I’m done with him.:

“See? But without the music? Nothing.” The gittern fell silent. “Herald, stand on one foot.”

This time Vanyel stayed as he was.

The mage approached him slowly. He tried to make it seem he was still relaxed and unaware of the world around him, but he desperately wished he’d left his sword strapped to him instead of hiding it in the bedroll.

“Wouldn’t, if I were you,” Stefen said, just as the mage’s fingers hovered inches from Van’s cheek. “Remember what I said about Rendan’s messing with him? He doesn’t seem to ever be under that deep.”

The extended hand clenched quickly into a fist and then fell back to the mage’s side. He turned on the Bard.

“This isn’t how the powder is supposed to work! How can this be?” he demanded.

Stefen shrugged. “What do I know? Am I a mage? All I know is—” he started picking out a melody again, something slow and low and dangerous. “I play my little gittern that Master Dark gave me, and that Herald over there does whatever I tell him to.”

It was a threat, a surprisingly clever, and hopefully effective one if the mage actually bought it: that Van’s magic was not suppressed, but subject to the Bard’s song, and that if Van himself were bothered he’d break free of the control of the powder entirely and the mage would face him in truth. Even the implication that the powder was too weak to contain him and it took multiple doses, while painfully untrue, seemed to undermine the mage’s earlier confidence. It was an insane, impossible bluff and the Bard…was pulling it off.

“They’re not very good company, but I won’t have to worry about that for much longer, as soon as I hand them off to the Master. I suppose, long as you made me get them up, we may as well continue on our way. You’ll give Gerlac and Saski my regards?” He never stopped playing, and Vanyel could feel the push behind the notes that said Stefen’s Gift was at play, lending the wordless song a deeply foreboding air.

The trees and bare stone around them suddenly seemed like they might hide more than just this mage’s friends. Worse things, by far. But perhaps the worst possible thing to face was standing right behind the mage, in this camp—

The young man was really very good.

“Uh—ahem, yes, yes—of course! It’s always nice when you pass through, Stefen, my lad. I do hope you come back soon. And stay longer then.” But not any longer now, was the unspoken addendum. “Must be off,” he said, disappearing back the way he’d come, into tall stone- and tree-shadow.

Vanyel stood, not relaxing, though Yfandes was comfortingly at his back, and the Bard sat before him, still playing—while he watched the disquieted minds of the mage and his companions flee.

Only when he felt them pass too far to have thoughts of an easy return did he let his shoulders slump and a sigh escape him. “By the gods, you actually did it!” he muttered, wonderingly.

Stefen finally stilled the disturbing song and grinned up at him, a blinding flash of teeth and joy. “I did, didn’t I?”

:Bard Breda always has said a talented enough Bard could talk themselves out of anything.:

But Stefen’s smile quickly fell and he cast a look over his shoulder at the direction the mage had gone. “We should go, though. In case Viga starts thinking it over and decides to come back to test my story more after all. If you’re so determined to see what Master Dark’s been doing, better with me than with Gerlac’s men. They’re not much better than Uwald and his—I did warn you everyone would be looking for you, fighting to be the one who gets to hand you over.”

Van nodded. “We need food for Yfandes, then we can go.”

All to the better that despite her complaints at the way he’d ordered her around, Yfandes too had been rather impressed with Stefen’s quick thinking and ability to sell his own unlikely lie. She’d softened to him, a little, and had come to trust him, just a bit.

The ride towards the Ice Wall Mountains and Crookback Pass, the only reasonable way through those mountains, was spent much as the day before had been: coursing through an unchanging landscape of white and gray and black, beset by the snow and wind and bitter cold of the storms that raged anew each day.

Leareth’s work, he was certain of it now, though he wished he’d realized it when he’d still been at his own border and could have safely interfered with the weather patterns; now he didn’t dare. All his plans hinged on Leareth not realizing that Van was so close and still free.

But where the day before had been marked by weariness, today was tinged by the high alert of a battle about to be joined. By Stefen’s word, they should reach the pass by tonight. Come morning, Van would know exactly what lay on the other side.

They would take a short rest somewhere outside the pass for Yfandes, but then they would ride through the night, so as not be caught in it. Although he didn’t dare tap any of them, Van was carefully marking the ley lines they passed, in case he had the need and opportunity to use them later. He could feel a node ahead of him, a young one, likely created by Leareth himself and probably it marked the pass, tied to whatever reserves lay in his stronghold beyond the mountains. It was already close enough that he could have tapped into it if he’d had a mind to, which told him how close he was getting to Leareth himself if he’d still had any doubts.

Today it was Stefen who was nodding off, but Vanyel let him. They wouldn’t rest long outside the pass and though he may be young, as Yfandes herself had pointed out, he wasn’t used to spending endless hours on horseback. A Companion’s gate was unnaturally smooth and with his arms around Van it wasn’t too hard to keep them there with a firm grip at one of his wrists. It was pleasant, though a part of him wished it were less so, to have him draped across his back, arms around him like a lover. Though that simple, guilty pleasure felt like more of a betrayal of Lendel than the brief relationships he’d had over the years since his death.

:You like the Bard, in spite of what he did,: ‘Fandes commented tiredly, but he knew it wasn’t the exertion that put that tone in her mind-voice. They were close and they both knew how this would likely end.

:He paid for it.: Though Van still tried not to linger on those memories of his time in Lord Rendan’s keep. :And he saved us this morning. If we’d tried to fight, even if we’d tried to run, that mage and his friends might have caught us with more of that powder. He’s a good ally:

:And?:

He chuckled at her. :And he’s pleasant company. Nice to look at, nice to listen to, and…interesting. I’m glad that we aren’t making this journey alone.: Though for more than one reason.

:…Are you ever going to tell me what you’re planning?:

He’d been guiltily braced to hear hurt in her mind-voice when she finally confronted him on what she had to have known he was keeping silent. Instead she just sounded resigned and that was somehow worse. As long as they’d known each other she’d been nothing but a source of love and support and if his dream was the ForeSight it seemed, and his fate already set, he didn’t want what were possibly their last hours together to be spent this way. :Tonight, love,: he promised. :I’m…not actually sure I’m ready to talk about it yet.:

Her response was wordless, a wash of pure emotion: the love that had saved him following after a broken lifebond, the love that had stood beside him through learning his powers, through war and through political machinations, the love that would make a lie of his ice dream, if only the part where he faced his end alone.

When they reached the mouth of the pass and after Van and ‘Fandes both swept it for magic traps or men waiting in ambush, they found a small protected space at the base of the Ice Wall Mountains themselves.

Vanyel cleared only enough snow for a fire and saw that Yfandes was fed and comfortable for a quick rest—then left her with Stefen. The Bard tried to protest, but Van waved him away. Vanyel wouldn’t let his guard down again and he certainly wasn’t going to sleep.

He sat himself on a flat stone, well away from ‘Fandes and Stefen. With a sigh, he pulled out all eight of the remaining packets of the powder and laid them out on his legs.

:So, Chosen? Will you tell me what this terrible plan is now?:

:I will,: he told her, :And I’m hoping you will help me prepare—:

Continued in Chapter 6

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