#and my dad gives me so much shit for napping during the day | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

perfidious-prophet · 11 months

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The fucking things they dont tell you when you fucking start Testosterone.

Yeah, everybody knows about the deeper voice and the dreaded asshair, but these were my unfunny little surprises after 3 months on T. Reminder that shit will always vary from person to person because we're not all clones of each other, whatever.

1. Bottom growth fucking hurts. Sometimes I don't want to wear pants. I knew it would happen, didn't know it'd be so uncomfortable. And it starts fast. Like first dose fast.

2. The irritability goes fucking CRAZY it's like I'm constantly PMSing. I get why dudes punch walls. Oh my god. I know how to keep my anger wraps, but holy shit.

3. On the topic of PMSing. I had temporary worsening of menstrual cramps. Jesus fuck. I was having pain before menstruation started for days, and sometimes just randomly. I hope it doesn't flare up, but it seems to be calming down now. I think my body is freaking out over weird hormone levels.

4. Vocal fatigue. Talking hurts. I expected voice cracks, obviously, but why the fuck does this shit hurt? I don't even want to talk that much anymore. My voice just gives out. It's still deepening, so a win is a win, I guess.

5. Apathy, emptiness, anhedonia, and numbness. My motivation has tanked. I don't fucking care anymore. I just want people to leave me alone so I can take a nap. I already had mental issues before starting T, and I don't think T gave this to me, but it's definitely changed how I feel my mental illnesses. I have to like relearn how to cope and shit. I don't recommend starting hormones if you're an emotionally unstable dumbass like myself. This is literally second puberty, mood swings and teen angst included. I am a volatile, angry little man.

6. Anxiety. Like I said, teen angst. My panic attacks now include intense nausea, which is New and Uncool. Dunno why that happened. But I'm just nervous. There's nothing to be nervous about. I consistently feel like I've forgotten to do homework. I am not even in school anymore. Rad!

7. Psychosis? I had my first intense psychotic break at 14. It lasted 6 months, give or take. I've had shorter episodes on and off since then. My symptoms are stress based. The emotional strain is, naturally, pushing me towards the edge again. I am sure I will explode brilliantly and violently within the weeks to come.

8. Male loneliness is real dudes. Have friends.

9. It's harder to mask. I've been periodically going mute again. I'd never really stopped, but it's more frequent now.

Anyway that's my rant I think.

I'm not telling you not to do hormones. I'm not your dad. But it's not fucking easy. Anyway I have no intention of stopping. I am thuggin that shit out. I had a really really tough time during first puberty, and I suspect I'm going to have issues the second time around.

I am happy with the changes I am experiencing physically. I still feel confident and sure of my identity as a trans man. I am just not very happy about losing control over my mental state again. We'll see how it goes. If I'm lucky, I'll get medicated. I can't afford a therapist right now.

Good luck out there, whoever you are.

#testosterone #hrt #ftm #ftm hrt #gaht #gender affirming care #transgender #lgbtq #trans man #trans masculine #rant post #medical transition #hormones #hormone therapy #genderqueer #borderline personality disorder #schizophreniform

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waltwhitmansbeard · 2 years

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Empire Kids + "I won't let them put their hands on you”, perhaps?

25. "I won't let them put their hands on you."

Beau paces. She cannot fight, she cannot run, she cannot claw her way through the marble walls of the courthouse in Zadash, so she paces in this tiny antechamber, round and round and round and round until Yasha claims she is going to be ill and steps outside for some water. Beau just cracks her knuckles and continues, her mind whirring into overdrive with the practice questions the lawyer Yudala Fon had assigned to her gave her to answer. She's probably recited the story of her kidnapping to Yasha, to the bathroom mirror, to the midnight stars a thousand times, and yet every time she imagines herself in the courtroom, telling it just one more time in front of everyone (in front of Zeenoth, in front of her father), her tongue becomes a sailor's rope, knotted and briny.

It's stupid, to be so nervous. She is an Expositor. It is her duty to find the truth, and this is a truth, her truth. If she were to approach this like any report she'd give Dairon or Yudala Fon or anyone else at the Cobalt Soul, her insides might not feel like the deck of a ship on choppy seas.

(But she can't, because it's not a report, dispassionate and stale. This is her life, fucked-up and raw and bruised and hers. And she is being asked to go before all of those eyes and be seen? Fuck, this is worse than being kidnapped.)

There's a knock at the door, and Yasha's adorable request for entry, as if Beau would ever say no, okay, that's a nice little distraction. "Yeah."

The door creaks open, and instead of long, wild white hair, a mop of ginger appears, tired blue eyes and three-day scruff just below. "Are you busy?"

Beau lets out an ironic laugh, and finally, she stops her pacing. "No, actually, just thinking about laying down for a nap."

Caleb must take her sarcasm as an invitation, because he steps inside, closing the door behind him. "Yasha is just out in the hall. She seems...well. Not much better than you seem, if I am being honest."

Beau crosses her arms over her chest defensively. "I'm fine. It's whatever. It needs to be done, so I'm doing it."

"Ja, well, we know that sentiment well, no?" Caleb takes the chair that Yasha had abandoned, and somehow, his eyes feels worse than the dozens of unfamiliar one's she about to face. "This is the worst part, I promise."

Beau doesn't need to ask what he means. He's just come off the heels of his own trial, where he stared down the man who undeniably did worse to him than Zeenoth or her father ever thought about doing to her. Her eyes land on the slightly pushed-up sleeves of his jacket, on the few scars she can see. "I just want it over with."

"I know."

"I just wish I could..." She sighs. "I don't know! Write this shit down and have someone else read it. I don't know why it has to be me."

"I know."

"And why do they have to be there?" She doesn't say who she means. She doesn't have to. "I mean, Zeenoth, whatever, fuck that guy, but my dad? And, shit, I have no idea who else from the Soul is gonna show up, and you know that there are more people involved than just Zeenoth, people who aren't gonna like what I have to say. And...you know, with Yasha there, I just..." She stumbles back to slump against the wall. "I just want to go home."

There is a long silence, during which they stare at each other, these two Empire kids, so much bullshit between them, until Caleb rises and crosses the antechamber to stand before her. "You are Beauregard Lionett." He lays his hands atop her forearms and gently pries them apart, and it's only then that she realizes what a death grip she's had on her own torso. "You are the strongest person I have ever met. I am a very smart man—" She rolls her eyes. "—and I am telling you know that of all of the things that I know, the thing I know the most is how capable you are. And you are capable of this."

She's so fucking pissed at the way her eyes prick. "And what if I'm scared?"

"I said you were strong, Beauregard. I did not say you weren't human."

She runs her wrist beneath her nose with a sniffle. "Yeah. Yeah okay. Yeah, fuck them."

"And do not forget, Yasha and I will be in the room with you, ja? I will not let them put their hands on you. Neither of us will. You may stare down the world, Beauregard, but not alone. Never alone."

And much to her own dismay, she throws her arms around his neck, sinking her weight into this scrawny wizard who somehow, when she wasn't looking, became the closest thing she has to family. "Thank you, Caleb."

He squeezes her tight. "Of course. Now, let me go get Yasha before she tears her hair from her head."

Beau lets out a wet laugh and nods, releasing him. "Yeah, okay." And she watches him head for the door, and for the first time today, she thinks that maybe she's gonna be alright.

#listen was caleb at the trial? idr and idc #he is now #critical role #critical role fic #cr fic #mighty nein #mighty nein fic #my fic #ask #tiamat-zx #empire kids #empire kids fic

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that-green-haired-swordsman · 2 years

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Zoro becomes a father! 🍼👶

During pregnancy

After you told him, he'd look at you suspiciously and ask "how the hell did that happen" 🤔 like dude. seriously?!

He'd inspect your belly in the evening when you made yourself comfortable on the sofa. He'd pull up your shirt and poke at your tummy until you'd tell him that it doesn't grow that fast

Once the baby bump is visible, he becomes overprotective. Don't carry heavy things. Don't eat unhealthy stuff. Remember to do light exercises. Nap when you're exhausted. It's both sweet and annoying

It only starts to really dawn on him that you're going to be a family in a few months when the baby moves and kicks. "Wow, that looks a bit weird", he says, but gently puts his hand on your belly where the baby just kicked, and tries to poke it through your belly. He doesn't talk to the baby though as he thinks it's strange.

Patiently helps you through any pregnancy troubles like nausea and so on

Accompanies you on the baby stuff shopping marathons and lets you decide everything since he doesn't have a special opinion. Tries to hide that he gets increasingly annoyed as best as he can

Don't expect him to be of any help during labour. He starts to panic the moment you tell him that you have the first contractions. He's a nervous wreck when you give birth. Sorry.

The baby is born 😍

Stares at the crumbled little human in disbelief. "Is this... my offspring?" Needs a little while to adjust that he's a dad now

Freezes to a statue when he holds them for the first time as he's totally afraid to break them. It's cute 😊 Treats his child like a Chinese vase at first.

Tries to act unfased during the first days. "What do I do with them? They're so useless after birth. They can't talk, they can't move, just lay around and shit." Pokes them in order to get their affection.

"HOW DO I STOP THE CRYYYIIINNNG"

brings them toys and expects them to do something with them

BUT

Is ALWAYS there when the kid needs something. Change diaper? Leave it to him. Give baby a bath? Leave it to him. You wanna eat/take a shower? No problem. He might grumble, he might be clumsy, he might be annoyed a bit (because he has to learn how to handle a baby) but he tries hard to do everything right.

Leaves the room when you nurse the kid to grant you privacy

Takes the nights when you're exhausted

They become inseparable soon.

"Zoro, they're hungry." - "But we're playing so nicely." - "Zoro. They want their milk." - "Alright alright. But you gimme them back when you're done nursing."

Carries his kid literally everywhere

You can never get used to the sight of them sleeping on the sofa, baby on his chest, it's SO. DAMN. CUTE.

He makes the utmost ridiculousest faces just to make the baby laugh

"GODDAMMIT MAN WHAT THE HELL DID YOU GET TO EAT" - "Zoro. What did we say about cursing in front of the baby" - "THEN YOU CHANGE THIS DIAPER!!"

Devastated when he misses an important milestone like crawling, saying mama...

Looks at you as you inspect your new body and it makes you feels self-aware. "Look at this", you complain about the skin on your belly, the stretch marks, the new shape of your breasts. "I do", he replies, carrying mini-zoro on his arm. "Where's the problem?" *walks past you into the kitchen* "Did you remember to buy the sake for me?" He just doesn't care and he encourages you not to care either

Respects that you need time until you want to be intimate with him again, but lets you know that he grows impatient. He still wants you, new after baby body or not.

Also "ah we're gonna wake up the baby won't we"

"Zoro there's always the living room..."

"I know. But still"

A babysitter?? HARD PASS! Unless it's someone from the crew, should anyone still be around. He doesn't trust anyone else with the baby

One evening he tells you that having a kid is something he'd never thought he'd enjoy as much as he does.

#Roronoa zoro #zoro fluff #zoro headcanons

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overpopulatedbrain · 5 months

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El Tigre/OC Crossover blabbering woohoo

I had a dream related to my OCs Laika and Jaime in El Tigre during my nap today. I love the idea of Laika and Frida being friends and Frida getting Laika into mischief and Jaime being a bad influence on Manny. Like Manny is the more wholesome of the two.

-Jaime: *is drawing stick figures with boobs* Manny: Whatcha drawing? Jaime: GAH!

-Frida and Laika up to shenanigans at night and Laika keeps falling asleep.

-Frida playing with leftover ink Laika shot.

-Frida throwing a hissy fit because Laika didn't invite her to see Gorillaz but then later breaking into the concert because of a supervillain fight and Manny has to save the band.

-Frida calling Laika a nerd for being good at school and Laika flipping Frida off only to later have to tutor Frida.

-Jaime showing Manny 2 Girls 1 Cup and scarring him.

-Laika asks about the video and they change the subject. Jaime would always get into trouble at Leone Middle School. “Yeah I beat up that ugly ass Bart Simpson looking kid. He made fun of Laika I had to.” At least once a day you hear in the hallways "Jaime Hildalgo-Alvarez" being shouted by the principal.

-Jaime is like “dude your grandpapi is literally like mine but less dirty and cussy and has a cool ass sombrero. I wish I had your dad, he’s so cool! My dad’s not in the picture and stepdad hates me.” “No he doesn’t!” “Yes he does. You haven’t met him.” “No he doesn’t! Isn’t it like illegal to hate your kids?” “I ain’t his fucking kid.” “Or step kids?”

They meet him and afterwards Manny looks at Jaime sadly while Jaime pouts angrily.

-Jaime would date Zoey Aves for a week not even and then dump her. “Frida’s right-she’s a whiny biiiitch. And definitely Black Cuervo.”

-Ainsley would be nicer to Laika and when she’s not around passive aggressive to the other three. When The Lab shit happens, they’re surprised but not surprised.

-Jaime loves Manny's house so much that he gives his mother and stepdad a hard time when he has to leave. After mouthing off to his stepdad he only stops when it makes Laika nervous.

-Jaime would talk to Manny Frida and Laika less after joining the soccer team because he goes through a phase of trying to be popular.

-Neri Laika Jaime Manny and Frida are all in the same resource classroom.

-Laika helping Manny's mom in the library.

-Jaime would be good friends with Django of the undead and Che but would not like The Golden Eagle Twins Chipotle Jr. Sergio or Zoey Aves.

-Zoey would be mean to Laika for no reason. Actually she would think Laika likes Manny romantically.

-Laika being diagnosed with autism and none of the crew are surprised. At all. Jaime's like "where's my diagnosis?!!"

-Laika coming out of the damn lab and the crew having a big group hug and crying.

-Ainsley would be more mean to the crew post events of The Lab.

-Kari Melba Soledad Ester and Frida would fuck shit uuuuup.

-Frida helping Laika with conversational Spanish.

-Frida having to put the police dogs in her parents' room because Laika's afraid.

-Kari Laika and Jaime helping save the day with their powers. Jaime has a harder time controlling them.

-Jaime loves messing around with Davi and telling him scary shit just to scare him.

-Jaime once calls Manny's mother hot and Manny smacks him upside the head.

-Laika and Neri go through a period of not seeing Manny and Frida in 9th grade due to not having classes together. Laika and her brothers are away for most of this summer at summer camp during that summer. They become friendlier in 10th grade.

-Laika tries to befriend Sophia. It does not go well.

-Frida and Manny are the first peer friend Laika comes out to. Frida blabs however and Manny has to keep Frida's mouth shut about it. Puts a rift in the squad dynamic.

-Kari calling Manny cute at a sleepover in front of Frida and getting the stink eye for it.

-Jaime and Kari singing Spoonman by Soundgarden at El Cucharon.

-Kari and Frida waking Laika and Manny up with guitars. Jaime jumping on the bed screaming at them to wake up.

-Frida's parents love Laika because they feel she is a good role model for their daughter.

-Laika would always be getting hurt or into trouble because of Frida. Part of the time she'd be getting her ass saved and the other part she'd save the day.

-Laika helps Frida get diagnosed with ADHD and accomodations.

-Jaime and Frida would stand up to assholes bullying Laika.

-Jaime convinces Manny and Frida to apologize to Sergio for being mean to him on his first day of school because Laika was bullied for being a Gorillaz fan in 6th and 7th grade and that story reminds him of that.

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imagine-a-life-like-this · 11 months

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Oh shit, Mae? Honestly kinda loving it.

Sometimes murder is okay, especially when the killer is🥰🥰

Idk if Woo is just acting or suddenly a tolerable non-douchebag…. Prolly the former

Hiii!!! How are you? You eating and/ or feeling good? Hope you’re drinking water! Sending love and support 🫶🏽🫶🏽

Bestieeeeeeee!!!! So a few things

1.) the dance is Friday, i’m freaking outt

2.) we’ve been holding hands a lot(!) and recently i’ve been chilling on his lap, but today i took a lil nap while on his lap and after waking me up for class he said “I couldn’t feel my arm but it was worth it, i’d let it happen again, many times actually” and i just🥰🥹 cause i was scared that i’d add too much weight of sumn and without me even bringing it up i was reassured 😭.

2.5) this one isn’t big just felt like mentioning it. During the last class of the day we sit next to each other and we were holding hands under the table right? Then when i had to write j moved my hand, now i expected him to start writing too but no! he moved his hand onto my thigh and kept it there until i stopped writing (cause then i could hold hus hand again). Its amazing bc im a stage 5 clinger & he reciprocates the clinginess😊

3.) so I have this ring that is soo cute but doesn’t fit any of my fingers, so i put if on a chain. We now share the necklace.. like deadass if i feel like wearing it ill just go take it off of him then give it back later. And its not just the fact that he’s wearing something of mine but also that he likes it, and he looks good in it.

4.)im in marching band yea? So tonight was a v important game (it was against the rival school, we won 47-0) and he came!! Like ik he was coming but still☺️. So once halftime is over meaning band is done with the halftime show i see messages from my dad & aunt….. why were they sitting right behind him 😭 they got along but i was so scared the entire time, not to mention the nerves that were already there from performing in a bigger stadium than im used to

Like im convinced he’s trying to kill me. Cause literally why else would he be this great? Like wdym you like clinginess, you get along with my dad, and you’re keeping your hand on my thigh??? This man must be stopped. Anywho just wanted to do a lil catching up (and ranting abt him bc im sure my other friends are sick n tired of hearing abt him

Is it actually Mae though 🧐 she could kill me and I would thank her regardless 🥵

PLS YOU'RE SO FUNNY 😂

Hi bestie 🥰 I'm doing well ! Drinking water and eating well. I hope you are too. Sending so much love and support your way. It's coming. You can't stop it 💕💕💕

Omg bestie all of this. All of this is so cute. I am obsessed. Like I feel like I was there and watching my best friend find someone good for them and I'm just smiling 🥹 this is so cute and soft and I am so very happy for you !!!

Such a green flag that he gets along with your dad honestly. And that he supports you. Like yes. So much yes. I am seeing a neon sign that says yes !!!

And you can always come here and tell me about everything because I love hearing about this ! I want to know everything. Please tell me everything 😭

But omg bestie my boyfriend has been too cute to me lately. He keeps calling me his princess and his wife and I 🥺 he even did matching profile pictures with me because I asked. He will literally just randomly text me out of the blue "wife I love you" and I swoon every time. This man is the whole ass love of my life I swear.

#ask

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purpleicedteas · 10 months

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My life has been hell recently. I know I have not been active on here, Discord, AO3, etc. I’m planning to give a more formal “statement” (lol for the two people who care) later, but rn I just need to VENTTTTT

Right now I’m staying with my parents. I’ve been staying here off and on, and I’m planning on moving back home due to my disabilities and health issues.

The problems:

1) My old bedroom is no longer mine, and I stay in a tiny room that was once our “computer room” (2000s flashback) that is connected to, and the only way to get to, the laundry room.

2) My mother is a narcissist. I love her. She is my closest friend and confidant. But she is a narcissistic parent. She helicopter parents me despite me being in my mid-20s living a boring ass life with no risks to helicopter over.

3) After living in the city, I have no car, so rely on my parents to get me places. I can borrow my dad’s car, but he’s gone a lot either at work or caretaking for his mother.

3a) My mom will not let me drive her car. That’s her right to draw the line, but when I have two cars at my disposal and one is rarely available, it means I am essentially home bound.

4) I have been dealing with sleeping issues for over a year since I got COVID. I think it’s some combination of long covid and perhaps some other issue, but nothing seems to help. I need to nap during the day. If you wake me up, I am in the foulest mood, have insane anxiety, and can sometimes derail my whole day. I know this is something I need to work on in therapy, but I currently can’t afford it. I have a sound machine, but my dad loves to yell and my mom knows how to wake me up.

4a) My mother has ADD and cannot sit still. She does at least a load of laundry a day. If there’s nothing to wash, she’ll just wash bedding or something random. I’ve asked to help with the laundry, I’ve asked to do the laundry, and she refuses. She has her set way of doing it, and gets pissed/angry otherwise. She also somehow can tell any minute difference in how I did the laundry (how much detergent, what settings, how long it was in the dryer, etc) and berate me on it.

4b) She seems to LOVE to do laundry when I am asleep. Which once again, I am in the room that you have to go through to get to the laundry room, whose door has cracks throughout so the light and sounds instantly wake me up. There are plenty of opportunities for her to do laundry when I’m awake, (I sometimes point them out to her) and I’ve also suggested multiple times to do it myself, and have sometimes done so without asking. This problem persists. I woke up today to her doing the laundry and changing my garbage bag right next to my bed (it’s a tiny room) WHILE I AM TRYING TO SLEEP claiming my room “stinks” (it didn’t and doesn’t.) She just gets manic and has to do shit so she’s not sitting still irregardless of others.

5) “Whatever you can do, I can do better!” I had a headache last night? She’s been having migraines for a week. I’ve been having digestive issues? She’s been having intense gastro pain. I have allergies? She has allergies. I have back pain due to my 40 degree scoliosis curve? She has arm pain, or neck pain, or shoulder pain, miraculously and only once I’ve mentioned my pain.

This is already a thousand years long and I could go on and on. I have not even touched on my father, which is a whole other bandwagon.

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. When I was visiting here, things were better. Now that I’m being treated as a permanent fixture, things have gone to hell.

Help me.

#purple patter

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golbrocklovely · 10 months

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I'm truly sorry for sending an ask about seg. I didnt think about any possible stress you may be under especially since you've mentioned you work retail and it's getting to be that hectic time of year. How do you like to destress when it gets to be too much? Do you have any stories about the absolute best/worst customer you've had to deal with? Does the holiday music lift you while working or drive you nuts? Favorite holiday song?

hey you're fine. i'm not upset at any of the anons that sent in asks about the SEG situation. i get it, yall want to talk about it and inform me. i appreciate it. i just had a stressful day and tbh i just don't care about this subject. seeing snc get needless hate over something that was dealt with is just deeply annoying. not to mention bc nothing is gonna happen until after thanksgiving, i would rather we all just wait to hear what gets said until then or straight up ignore SEG than give him more clout.

so, for all the years i've worked in retail, which now is 5... omg ew, i've actually never worked a black friday. first year my dad passed away, and then the past three year i've done overnights so i'm not around customers at all. this is my first time around customers this year, bc i just couldn't do overnights, and honestly... it's not that bad. it's not great, but it's mostly the store i'm working at that's upsetting me rather than the customers, which somehow is always the case anymore lol

i plan to leave as soon as i can. i can't stand the place i'm working in anymore. i pray i don't have to keep working in retail, but we shall see.

how do i like to destress? nap. like i fucking LOVE napping. i think i also have to nap more now bc i don't really drink caffeine anymore. i'll have an occasional soda or ice tea once in a while, but otherwise it's just straight water for me. so i usually just come home and nap. then when i wake up i'll either dance or sing to some emo music (got me like a 14 hour playlist of all my favorite songs) or i'll just watch some youtube vids.

i haven't had too many bad customers, thank god, but the one that always stuck out to me was during the holiday season the first year i work at my current store. so while i haven't worked really any black fridays, i have worked the lead up to christmas multiple times and i swear, i think ppl forget christmas is when it is with the way ppl coming in like the 23 of december buying all the random shit we have left.

so, i was up at the registers, and we have only self check out. i'm assisting ppl when i can and directing the line bc it's basically to the back of the store almost. the thing is, to literally come into the store, you have to pass the registers. so this shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that it's self checkout only. but these two women are next in line and i direct one to an open register. she immediately says "what, i have to do it myself?" i'm not in a good mood bc there is just too many ppl around (and this was pre-pandemic) and i was like "yes ma'am, you have to."

my thing was always if you ask me nicely to help you, i gladly will. but being a bitch to me will basically get you no help whatsoever.

she starts to scan her items, and scans one too many times. she starts yelling "oh my god, i don't know how to do this, i double scanned" loudly, i come over, clear off the extra item and then direct her friend to the next register, which is coincidentally was the one next to her.

the main lady goes back and forth with her friend, saying and cursing "i can't believe i have to fucking do this myself, i don't like this, why the fuck can't they help us." mind you, i work in basically a kid's store. there are plenty of children around. there is no need to be cursing that much, and i say that as someone who does curse a lot.

finally she finishes up and for some reason the register spit out her change really fast so her coins fell on the floor. she picks up one of the coins turns to me, and basically throws it at me and snidely remarks "here you go, since you clearly need it"

i about swung on her, but she's lucky i didn't.

that was really one of the very few times i ever had a bad customer. as for good ones, i think for the most part most of the customers i interact with are either normal or pretty nice. i did one time have to explain to a man what bluetooth was, which is great bc i know so much about it….. and then he told my manager i did an excellent job helping him understand. so that was nice :)

as for the holiday music…. it's 50/50 depending on my mood. sometimes it's not too bad, sometimes it's annoying. bc we play random pop songs (that most of you have probably never heard of) in between the christmas songs. so for every one pop song, we get two to three christmas songs. and we only just recently started getting mariah carey and actual well know christmas songs to play in the store. before, it was like random covers of popular songs, which is very strange to me but whatever lol

and my favorite holiday song… i'm actually gonna list my favorite christmas songs bc i think i have the weirdest taste in them lol

christmas don't be late by alvin and the chipmunks

santa baby by eartha kitt

last christmas by the glee cast

baby it's cold outside by the glee cast

feliz navidad by josé feliciano

obviously mariah carey and michael buble are the top ppl for christmas music. but genuinely… i love these songs more.

a lot of christmas songs make me sad now since my father passed, especially 'i'll be home for christmas'. so sometimes it's a bit hard to listen to christmas music. but i usually hold off on listening to until like the 23rd lol

#ask #personal

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atlafan · 11 months

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today would’ve been my papa’s 101st birthday, I know I was lucky to have him for the 20 years that I did, but I miss him so much every day. I miss calling and hearing him say, “hi, baby”. His dementia was really bad towards the end. He could only really remember two people: my Nannie and me. I remember the last time I visited them in Florida. My Nannie had urged us to come because she really thought he was on his last leg. I remember walking into their house and he was napping on the couch, all curled up and cozy. My mom and sister came too, so the three of us cautiously walked over. He never looked so small to me, he was a pretty big guy. I knelt down next to the couch because I saw him move a little. I said, “hi, papa”, not knowing if he’d remember me, but without even opening his eyes, he said, “hi, baby”. I remember looking up at my mom with so much hope in my eyes that my papa was still in there, somewhere. He came back to life that week. When we got home, I cried to my brother on the phone because he hadn’t gone to visit them in a while and I begged him to because I knew he’d regret not being able to say goodbye. That may, my brother and his then girlfriend (now his wife) went down to visit. My brother was the last grandchild to see my papa alive. Little did we know that that July we would all be flying back to Florida for his funeral.

This man was not my biological grandfather. My biological grandfather was only someone we’d see occasionally. We had a relationship with him and his wife, but it wasn’t like the relationship we had with Nannie and papa. My papa was 18 years older than my Nannie. They met when he was turning 65. My Nannie was already a grandmother. She was a very young mother, so in turn, a very young grandmother. My papa was the oldest of 13 kids, and served in the naval air force in the pacific during WWII. Fun fact, he was so handsome that they used his headshot on posters to get other young men to join the Air Force.

My grandparents met on the beach. My papa used to go all the time, and one day one of his daughters (who my Nannie was only like 10 years older than lmao) was like, “Dad, who do you keep looking at?” And my papa pointed and said, “that woman in the black bathing suit”. That woman was my Nannie. They went on one date, went to bed (as my Nannie would say), and never separated.

My papa didn’t retire from the longshoreman’s union until he was 82. He still referred to his younger siblings as “the kids”. He was always taking care of other people. And loved being our papa. His biological grandchildren are pieces of shit and barely had a relationship with him because their mother made them side more with my papa’s ex wife. Me and my siblings and my cousins were his grandkids. When my brother was born, Papa was babysitting my oldest sister. My dad came to get her to go meet my brother. My papa was so upset that he called my Nannie and said, “he took the baby!” and all my Nannie could say was, “well, Jimmy, it’s his baby”. And the first time my papa got to meet my brother, no one else was allowed to hold him. He held onto him the entire time. He finally had the boy he always wanted (because his bio grandson again is a piece of shit).

Then my other sister came along and then me. The baby. His baby. My father was very verbally abusive towards my mother and towards us. So going to Nannie and papa’s (long before they moved to Florida) was like our safe haven. My papa adored my Nannie and let her so basically anything she wanted, and he’d give her money to take us shopping for whatever we wanted. And we’d come home and show him all the toys and clothes we got and he genuinely loved looking at everything. We always made sure to say thank you. He paid for my sister’s sleep away camp. He paid for my cousin’s wife to go to nursing school.

When I was little, I never really felt loved or cared for. But Nannie and papa made me feel loved and cared for. My Nannie would call me, and still does, her precious girl. Papa would too. If he wasn’t calling me his baby he was calling me Jordan Rose. He would take me to the park if I was staying with them during a time my Nannie was at work. He always made sure he packed tonic and snacks. He made sure I had a bucket hat for the beach. He made sure I was safe.

My papa loved all of us unconditionally. He cared about how we did in school. He took care of my Nannie. And in return, she took care of him and kept him going way longer than he would have if he didn’t have her.

I hope someday I’ll find someone that will make me feel this loved and cared for again.

#personal #long post #mine #me #idk I just needed to get this out

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andnowanowl · 11 months

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Something that's been bothering me since the morning my ex sprung his accusations of abuse on me is that when I went outside that day, I noticed something odd about the garden. There were three bottles tucked under one of my lantana plants, a diet coke bottle and two water bottles. I found this weird because that morning had been garbage and recyling day. I had been out the night before and they certainly weren't there then. I tried to keep trash out of my garden.

I had been up with insomnia worrying over my ex's sister, who had supposedly gone to the hospital that night. My ex had been late coming home that evening and I began to grow worried. He is a teacher and with that comes my worrying his school had a shooting incident. Finally he texted and said he had been with his mother helping her get groceries. This wasn't the first such incident where he left me worrying that he had been gunned down in his classroom, so I snapped. I texted him whether he even gave a shit about spending time with me anymore, to which he responded (like an hour later), that his sister was in the hospital and that he was with her.

I immediately felt extremely guilty and apologized, asking him for updates. He told me to get some sleep, but I had been struggling with insomnia for months and with how guilty/worried I felt, I knew I would not get any.

During that night, I once threw my phone in anger because of how stupid I felt. That startled the cats napping in the room, who I apologized to and immediately felt bad for scaring. I also made an aborted kick to the garbage can because I was still angry with myself for daring to be selfish, then told myself I was being stupid for trying to kick it. I needed to open something in the bathroom with a knife at one point and grabbed it from the kitchen. I also drank a thimbleful of amaretto I was hoping to cook with at some point because I was worried the sister was going to die. I don't really drink and didn't want to be drunk, just kind of wanted that warm feeling in your stomach alcohol gives you.

What does this have to do with the bottles in the front garden, you may ask? Well, there was a window next to the door whose blinds we kept half open for the cats. A long, tall window that reached to about half a foot off the floor. The only logical conclusion I can come up with is that those bottles got there because these two absolute psychos (my ex and his mother) were sitting in the garden watching me through that window. All of those actions I had just described were visible through the window.

I did go outside to pull in the bins in the morning, and I honestly can't recall if the bottles were there. I was pretty sleep-deprived. But it was light out after I did, so I would have seen a passerby walk up and stick the bottles there. I saw my ex and his mother arrive in the driveway that morning; they had nothing in their hands. My dad and his friend certainly didn't put them there because they hate litterers. That leaves only one possibility, right?

Another odd thing I noticed that morning was that after I brought the bins in, I noticed a cop car creep past the house a couple times. I didn't pay it much mind at the time since I occasionally saw them in the neighborhood but did find it kind of weird that it came back around for a second pass. Had they called it for intimidation tactics (didn't work, lol)...or had a neighbor, spotting some people crouching in the garden, called the cops and the cops were late to the scene?

And when my ex and his mother were in the house trying to remove the cats, they took the knives and my razor. My previous razor had mysteriously vanished the past week, so I had opened a new one. I wasn't suicidal (though they claimed as such to my dad), so them taking the knives and my razor was another layer of mindfuckery.

My ex drinks diet Coke, by the way.

I know this shit sounds paranoid and crazy, but it's the only thing that makes sense. 😵‍💫

#my ex #this whole story sounds crazy #i'm never dating anyone ever again #seriously #clearly i suck at choosing a romantic partner so why bother

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damnslippyplanet · 1 year

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Slippy Rewatches ATOTS, Episode 9

Previously on ATOTS: A bunch of people got shot because Tian does not know how to turn off the flash on his phone.

Now on ATOTS:

Flashback time! This time it’s Phupha’s flashback about being up on the cliff with Torfun, who is gently poking at him about whether he might ever want, say, a girlfriend. Phupha absolutely does not want a girlfriend, he is married to the trees.

Torfun: Okay, I get that you want to fuck trees, but I’d like you to at least pretend like you thought about it, so how about we let this question hang in the air for a while and when I get back from Bangkok I’ll ask you for a final decision on whether you might have room to love both trees and me? I definitely won’t die in Bangkok and leave this hanging over you for the rest of your life!

Phupha: In addition to being married to trees, I know what it was like to be the loved one left behind when smugglers killed my dad, and I really don’t ever want to do that to another person.

Torfun: Well that’s a real boner-killer. Okay! So we’ll just be good friends, but when I come back from Bangkok not dead, which will definitely happen, let’s go up to the cliff together on the last day of the year to make wishes. You can wish to marry a tree if you want.

It really is a lovely view. RIP Torfun, you would have liked being sister-wife to a tree, I think.

*****

So the great news is that Phupha is alive enough to be HAVING that flashback, as Dr. Nam and the rangers work to stabilize him enough to be transferred to the hospital, and Tian stands by miserably.

Dr. Nam wants to get some blood ready to transfuse if needed, and Tian tries so hard to offer his, but his medications mean Dr. Nam can’t use his blood. Aw, man. When you would give up your own physical substance to keep your boyfriend alive but you apparently might be literally toxic to him.

The worst?

The worst.

Anyway Dr. Nam does some bullet-removal surgery while these three stand around Going Through It.

Eventually Phupha stabilizes enough to sleep, and Dr. Nam patches Tian’s busted arm up as well. And then there is nothing to do but wait for the ambulance to show up, so Tian snuggles up to Phupha as gingerly as he can and has a little stress-nap too while Dr. Nam stands around grinning like a loon because his ship is sailing even if both halves of it had to get involved in a Tea Mafia shoot-out to do it.

*****

After the credits Tian wakes up in a hospital room and I start cackling. I’m pretty sure I remember when I first watched this, my watch buddy and I were like, holy shit, hospital rooms in fantasy TV Thailand are hella nice. But since then I have seen Kinnporsche and now I’m like, man, what a shithole, the Theerapanyakuls would never let their son convalesce here.

ANYWAY Dr. Nam is there to apologize to Tian for maybe thinking he was a murderer and also to let him know that Phupha is stable but still unconscious. Tian isn’t mad but he would be even less mad if Dr. Nam could convince someone that Tian is well enough to go sit at Phupha’s bedside.

So Tian goes off to deliver a monologue over Phupha’s unconscious body about apologies and remorse and how much he needs Phupha to wake up and take care of him again. He cries a lot and the cameraperson loves a close-up on a teary Mix. Phupha flutters awake at some point during it and keeps his eyes shut until Tian leaves again, but then smiles after he goes, which is kind of mixed messages but sure. It’s a nice smile. I’ll take it.

*****

Back in his own room, Tian finds his dad waiting. Apparently his dad has known where he was all along but has been keeping that secret from both Tian and Tian’s mom.

This is sort of nice in that he wanted to give Tian a little room to make his own decisions free of his mom’s expectations, but also sort of shitty in that he adds that he assumed Tian would get bored and be frivolous and come home fast anyway. Family! It’s complicated!

But Tian explains that for the first time in his life he feels competent and useful and proud of what he’s doing, and his dad doesn’t entirely get it but he’s trying and that’s something. They also clear the air about whether his dad bought him to the top of the heart transplant list (he absolutely did) and whether he is ready to come home to Bangkok (he is not).

Tian has one more thing he needs to do first.

I assume he means making Torfun’s wish for her, but first and foremost he has to go talk to Phupha again.

Aww, look at them, they busted matching arms.

Phupha is trying very hard to scold Tian for his dumb-ass decisions re: running around after the Tea Mafia in the woods with only Longtae as backup, but Tian keeps making big puppy eyes and saying he knew Phupha would come to save him, and what’s a ranger to do with that?

So they make up and Phupha explains that when he thought he was about to die he thought about all the people he cared about and he wasn’t angry at Tian at all anymore, and he’s sure that Torfun would also not want Tian to feel sad and guilty about having her heart. Heck, maybe she chose to give her heart up to Tian! I…think maybe we’re overstating what Torfun would have wanted here, but everyone’s having big near-death-experience feelings so I’ll allow it.

Lots of hand-holding and face-petting, all is forgiven and Phupha loves Tian even more than trees so he will try not to get shot again.

And then Phupha heads back to his hospital room, where Tian’s dad is waiting. Ruh-roh!

*****

So now it’s a new day and Phupha is driving Tian home from the hospital, one-handed, while Tian is squirrely and cool and weird. Phupha tries to get Tian to tell him what’s wrong, Tian is like I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO YOU, and we all slam our head against the wall because ten seconds ago these two were doing so well at talking to each other!

Meanwhile in flashback we see that Tian back at the hospital walked in on his dad giving Phupha a firm manly shoulder-clasp and thanking him for taking good care of his son. Past Tian does NOT look happy that his dad and Phupha are in cahoots.

In the present, they get back to Tian’s house and the moppets are all there, so happy to see them! Apparently the village has all forgiven Tian given that he did attempt to bring down the Tea Mafia on their behalf.

Tian, back in the hilariously bitchy register I love so much, tells the moppets we must all thank Chief for doing his duty and taking care of everyone so well! (Subtext: LIKE MY DAD APPARENTLY PAID YOU OFF TO DO, ASSHOLE.) This is so stupid but it gets me such a good flavor of Tian that I don’t care.

So they stomp off away from the moppets to have it out and Tian grouches until Phupha admits that he’s known all along whose son Tian was, given that as a forest ranger Tian’s dad is basically the boss of him several levels up.

Phupha: Yes, sure, okay, but I didn’t you treat differently because of that, I treated you the way it was my responsibility to treat any beautiful twink in my care!

Tian, a full head of steam worked up now: OH SO YOU ADMIT IT WAS ONLY EVER RESPONSIBILITY AND YOU NEVER LOVED ME AT ALL.

Phupha did NOT mean it like that but also he’s in an unwinnable fight here. So they yell at each other a lot about whether Tian should just leave, until Tian finally is like FINE JUST OUT OF SPITE I’M GOING TO STAY HERE FOR A WHILE LONGER AND MAKE YOU TAKE CARE OF ME and Phupha yells FINE I GUESS I WILL JUST KEEP TAKING CARE OF YOU THEN and then they both go off and die mad about how in love they are.

Not a single brain cell between them in this scene. Also I was completely distracted by how much firewood is stored under Tian’s house.

*****

Tian goes to Khama’s for dinner and tries to apologize for endangering Longtae, but it’s fine. Khama appreciates the takedown of the Tea Mafia and also he recognizes that his twink son is responsible for some of the bad decisions too.

Khama hits Tian over the head with some truth about how yes, it’s important that he has earned the villagers’ forgiveness, but his real work is going to be to forgive himself and let go of all the guilt he’s carrying around about Torfun. Oof, Khama, that’s a lot of therapy to drop on a little guy over dinner!

*****

Elsewhere, Dr. Nam and Phupha are out for drinks and Dr. Nam is once again roasting Phupha, this time for not telling him that he was taking care of Tian partly under Tian’s dad’s orders. Also he doesn’t buy for a second that Phupha isn’t head-over-heels in love with Tian and wants to know why Phupa is suddenly being a jerk to Tian and trying to get him to leave the village now.

Phupha attempts to explain that he’s doing the thing where you are a jerk to someone for their own good because it’s better for Tian if he gets mad and leaves now go to home where he can have medical care and not regularly be shot at and go back to live a comfortable rich life.

Dr. Nam is all of us when he makes the “I can’t believe you’re being like this in front of my salad” face and starts moaning about how social class difficulties ruin romance.

You can tell it’s a serious scene because even though they’re back at the bar, there is no product placement snack mix.

*****

And now it’s the end of a school day! Phupha has shown up just as the kids are begging for another story about the Green Giant who protects the village.

Tian, still dying mad: Okay but in this story I’m going to tell you about when the Green Giant TURNED MEAN and TOOK BRIBE MONEY FROM A GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL TO EYE-FUCK HIS SON.

The kids are very confused by this story.

Fucking savage, Tian.

Phupha pettily announces that all the kids should remember to say goodbye to Mr. Tian at the New Year’s party because after the new year he is LEAVING. FOREVER. And they both storm off and yell at each other again about duty and whether Phupha ever liked Tian and whether Tian ever belonged here at all or was only being tolerated for his dad’s money.

They’re still like ten feet from the school house. Oh my god could you two not conduct your divorce in front of these children who have really been through quite enough lately?

*****

Tian goes home to the teacher’s house and Longtae finds him there to ask if it’s true that he’s leaving. I love how the village gossip always runs through Longtae.

So they’re bummed out. Phupha back at base is bummed out.

It’s a bummer montage! Followed by a montage of Tian continuing to teach with the time he has left. He teaches about airplane aerodynamics for the kid who wants to be a pilot, and cooking for the kid who wants to be a chef, and helps the kids plant a garden, and it’s a really nice little “aww, look, Tian has grown enough as a teacher to provide practical value to these kids’ lives” bit.

He also hooks up a little bicycle-driven generator and arranges for the rangers to bring a little TV they can hook up to the generator, and the kids lose their shit about seeing a television. But Tian has a pedagogical philosophy now and it is that the kids need to know about the rest of the world, they can’t be taught only from textbooks forever. They need TV too, he tells Dr. Nam.

Dr. Nam, pointedly, says what they NEED is a PERMANENT TEACHER and not a rotating series of three-month volunteers. He’s not wrong.

Apparently Phupha provided the TV, but did not bring it himself because he and Tian are still extremely divorced and not talking.

Dr. Nam, ever the wingman, explains to Tian that Phupha is trying to do the right thing by him so he can live a better life, but also that he’s a sad little baby and useless without Tian and driving everyone else crazy, and could Tian possibly see his way clear to checking in on him?

*****

Back at the base, Phupha has grown Facial Hair of Sadness and is sitting in the dark clutching his tea sachet, thinking about his meeting with Tian’s dad at the hospital. So we get to see that he tried to get Tian’s dad to let him stay, but got strong-armed out of it. One almost never gets to see Earth have “just a little guy” energy on-screen so it’s kind of fun to watch Tian’s dad boss him around, honestly.

The facial hair is such a crime, though.

So Tian rolls up and opens with basically, “Chief. What the fuck is on your face.”

It’s not a promising opening but they do manage to get it together enough to have an actual conversation about feelings. Tian will stay, wants to stay, is basically begging to stay, but just needs Phupha to actually say the words “I like like you and I want you to stay.”

Chief and his sadness beard want Tian to live the life he should live, which is to say the one in the city with plumbing, so the one thing he wants is for Tian to go back and do that. Doing that is the only way Tian can show that he understands and returns Phupha’s feelings.

Oof. Unfair, Phupha! You outmaneuvered the twink!

Tian makes a face that makes it clear that he knows he’s been outmaneuvered but also he heard the part about Phupha’s feelings buried in there.

*****

And now it is the New Year’s party and they’re making signs out of product placed snack mix.

Also Yod’s doing karaoke again. Everyone’s having a good time so that’s nice. Khama shows up to lay a very kindly guilt trip on Tian about how much the kids love him and how much it sucks for the kids that every few months a new teacher arrives, stays just long enough to be loved, and then leaves again.

Tian wishes he could stay longer but also his boyfriend outsmarted him and made his leaving a test of his devotion. Plus he does still have a degree to finish.

So the party ends and most of the villagers take off. Longtae shows up with a flashlight and offers to take Tian up to the cliff for his new year’s wish, but Tian wants to do it alone. At least he agrees to take the flashlight.

He walks up to the cliff alone and manages to make it without getting kidnapped this time, and cries a whole bunch while making the wish for Torfun’s wish to come true. But he still has to do the “counting 1000 stars” thing and it turns out it’s hard to count 1000 stars when you’re crying very hard in the middle of the night all alone on a cliff. He tries and he tries and he keeps starting over and he’s about to have a full-on breakdown about it when Phupha appears.

HALLELUJAH, Phupha shaved.

He’s there to take Tian by the shoulders and shake him into realizing he’s done what he needed to do, Torfun’s spirit can rest or whatever because her heart came back on the new year the way she’d wanted it to, and he needs to move on and have a life.

Tian doesn’t want to go, but Phupha is still on his “you need to fulfill your destiny and that obviously can’t happen here” bullshit. But at least they can have a romantic night watching stars and crying together.

Also Phupha hands over the ring he’s had on a chain around his neck for the whole series, which was his mom’s, and has “Phupha’s heart” engraved on it, which is actually very weird but okay. They’re getting cliff-married and divorced simultaneously. Just absolute walnuts who have never once had a conversation about “what if I went back to school and we had a long distance relationship for a year or so and then figured out together what to do next?”

Post-credit-sequence, apparently Tian actually shaved Phupha’s sadness beard for him and told him he’d wait for him on the cliff on New year’s to fulfill Torfun’s wish together before they have to get cliff-divorced. It’s very sweet and also THANK YOU, TIAN, FOR SAVING US FROM THE FACIAL HAIR.

#slippy watches things

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maisondrew · 2 years

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11:02PM

I woke up. Unfortunately. I can’t find my phone, and i know i fucked myself over. the dark is never credible enough as it is that way every day from 4 oclock. the overwhelming silence however, is the real tell. Still in my work shirt and boxers, i start scanning my bed with my arm like a boat sonar device. Once located, i check the damage. i had told myself id go home from work, change, maybe eat, and have a night at chapters. roam the store and finally get my hands on eckhartt’s book. But it was as though I had gotten home, and went unconscious. I barely recall my day, or things leading up to this nap. I must have placed my head on my pillow and immediately entered REM. I kept dreaming about the stupid fucking bracelet, the club shoots, and being where i wanted to be. But lately its been getting harder and harder to be awake, or do anything at all. Once i got out of bed, i went up to see if anyone was awake. mom and dads room was on, but they were both knocked out. I removed moms glasses, arranged her pillow, and turned off the light.

“PSSSSST PSSSSST PSSSSSST”, the loudest, most conspicuous sounds coming out of tetas dark room. Seeing her arm signal me in the dark, I go give her a hug. ��i love you so much, you have no idea, you stupid son of a bitch, you little shit” she says. “i love you too teta”. “go get my purse” she says, indicating she wants to give me money. “teta its almost midnight” her method of coping with dementia is constantly giving everyone money. “dont be annoying, get me my bag”. Blatantly ignoring the demand i say “goodnight teta” and close her door. Sitting on the living room couch, i sit contemplating to eat. Im not hungry, but i havent been eating anything, and at this point im just doing it to make sure i survive a bit. She comes out, bag in her hand “YOU ARE TAKING THIS MONEY”. The best way around these situations, is to comply, and sneak things back into her belonging without her noticing. My conscious is cleared, her money is in her possession, and shes happy thinking she gave me something. Thats what happens, she hands me the money, while she turns around, i leave it on her night stand, tell her thank you and leave. She comes back out. “what are you doing” she asks, “im going to eat i think”. “okay im coming” she says. Teta and I going down for a midnight snack together. I turn on the lights so she sees where to go and she freaks out, afraid mom is going to wake up. throwing hand signals, frustrated, i tell her its okay, who cares. her reaction and fear reminded me of mel and i being afraid of mom when getting snacks in the middle of the night. we used to go to bed hiding pita bread under the pillow so we can snack on it during the night and panic if we heard movement coming from their bedroom. Teta is so unfortunately bored. She just wants to spend time with me, even if it meant getting food at midnight. This came with the random, but somehow necessary casual shitting on me for not going to church, but it was nice to have her company. Not finding any left overs in the fridge, she suggests me to make eggs but im not feeling it. Not down to cook anything or make anything crazy, i decide to make cup noodles, and soft boiled eggs, adding fresh shallots and carrots to make it slightly gourmet. while prepping, she munches on a wafer bar, cookies, and baked pita bread and quietly says “i think im gonna go try to get some sleep now”

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simmerdowndee · 3 months

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a windenburg years special: the honeymoon part four

This morning, I woke up violently ill. I have been in the bathroom for the last 10 mins vomiting. This is just great. I finally come to the sushi capital of the world… and I end up with food poisoning from it. That restaurant is almost a 5-star sushi spot. I am really shocked I feel so sick after eating there.

Wait, it can’t be the food, I don’t think? Theo ate the same food I did, and he’s fine. He’s actually still in bed. I don’t know what’s going on, but I think I need to go to the ER.

Dakota: Babe……

Dakota: BABE…

Dakota: THEO!

Finally, he hears me.

Theo: Babe, what’s wrong?

Dakota: I have been throwing up for 10 mins.

Theo: You think it’s the food from last night?

Dakota: I don’t know because you aren’t sick.

Dakota: I need to go to the ER.

Theo: Okay babe, we’ll go now.

We head to the ER. I’m admitted since I feel so sick, and they want to do a few tests to rule out anything serious. This is only the third day of our honeymoon. I cannot believe this is happening. I was able to take a nap for a bit as I slept horrible last night. Theo looks so worried. I feel so bad. He shouldn’t be sitting in a hospital room during his honeymoon.

I wake up from my nap and Theo is just sitting next to me in the chair, holding my hand.

Dakota: Babe.

Theo: How are you feeling?

Dakota: The nausea and urge to vomit have subsided. Maybe it was just food poisoning, and I wasted a day of our trip coming here…. I’m sorry.

Theo: Don’t be sorry babe. I rather be safe.

The doctor comes in.

Dr: Mrs. Grove?

Dakota: That’s me.

Dr: I’m Dr. Nakamura. I was looking over your chart and I don’t see any cause for concern. All the tests came back to normal. You are most likely suffering from a case of severe morning sickness. It’s common in early pregnancy.

Theo: I’m sorry, what?

Dakota: Early pregnancy? I’m not pregnant?

Dr. Nakamura: Oh, I figured you were aware…. When we did your blood test, it came back positive.

Dakota: I’M PREGNANT?

Theo: HOLY SHIT!

Dakota: I….. wha…. REALLY?

Dr. Nakamura: Here, let’s give you an ultrasound.

Dr. Nakamura: See, there’s the baby. I would say you are definitely about 8 weeks.

Dr. Nakamura: Here, let’s listen for the heartbeat.

*Heartbeat sounds*

Dakota: Oh my god……

Theo: Wow….

Dr. Nakamura: Its very strong.

Dakota: Theo!

Theo: I know babe, I see!

Dr. Nakamura: I recommend drinking some ginger tea or eating ginger candy to help with your morning sickness and nausea. Of course, stay away from alcohol and raw sushi.

Dr. Nakamura: I can send you a copy of your record for your local OBYGN’s records.

Dr. Nakamura: Congratulations to both of you!

The doctor leaves and gives me time to dress up to fill out discharge papers.

Theo: A baby, babe.

Dakota: We’ve literally been married for 45 seconds.

Theo: *Laughs*

Theo: This is the best honeymoon ever.

Dakota: Yeah, you can say that cause you can still drink and eat sushi!

Theo: You can eat cooked sushi babe.

Dakota: I know, but raw sushi is sooo much better.

Dakota: 8 weeks huh… let me think back….

Dakota: That was the night of….

Dakota and Theo: The bachelor party.

Theo: We really did have an extravaganza….

Dakota: Yeah, clearly that was a great night.

Dakota: You ready to be a daddy?

Theo: I have been ready since the first time you thought you were pregnant honestly…..

Dakota: Awh, babe. I love you.

Theo: I love you too.

Theo: WE’RE GOING TO BE PARENTS!

Oh my god, I’m going to be a mom……

Theo and I head back to the hotel and relax for the rest of the night. He literally won’t stop touching my stomach now. I think it’s so cute. I can’t wait to see him as a dad. I can’t wait to get back home to tell everyone else.

Guys! We’re having a baby!!

#my sims #simblr #sims 4 #the sims #the sims 4 #thesims4 #ts4 simblr #sims 4 gameplay #simblog #windenburgyears

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everythingharsh · 1 year

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10 mins ago, I woke to nap totally scared and disappointed.

Scared coz In my dream I almost got shot by an enemy nation's soilder.

And disappointed coz I woke up by my ringing phone and broke that awesome dream world.

So the dream:

******

Our family shifted to this new location,

which felt like sanhok from PUBG, or you may say forest from vietnam, very dense, green, full of tall plants, casting full shadow within forest during daytime, also dad goes to work in this desert like place which felt like that deserty area from GTA SanAndreas, somewhere near that oil rig, yeah so not so high hopes in my dream for architectural marvelling unlike that girl from inception,

ugh ugh so, in my dream just like my present, I'm living with my family in this forest type area and there next to our home is forest which actually share border to this enemy nation which somehow lacks fencing coz people both side hardly clash and live friendly, however heavy soilder deployment by enemy side and surprisingly lack of any force by our side!

So one day this news is broken that the enemy state tested a new weapon, sorry I can't explain which type of weapon was that, but news agency covered that the first tests took place across the border near my home, so me being me, slowly I got that spirit of arnold or vietnami soilders guirella tactics , and tried to spy on this enemy nation's newly created 'mujassama' or their beautiful creation,💣

surprisingly i successfully saw what they created, and was very proud on myself, returning to my home in full confidence, my heart skipped a fcking beat,I almost shat my pants

I HEARD THE BUSHES, I REPEAT I HEARD THE GODDAMN BUSHES MOVE, AND I WAS LIKE AINT NO WAY IM GONNA DIE LIKE THAT AMERICAN SOILDER IN VIETNAM BITCH😭😭

SOMEONES GONNA DROP ME IN THAT BOOBY TRAP BITCH, MY WHOLE BODY GONNA DROP BLOOD LIKE FOUNTAIN THAT TOM IN TOM AND JERRY BITCH SOMEONE GONNA POKE MY BALLS WITH THIS SHARP LONG STICK

So I was shit scared and running in this full speed like naruto dodging all these obstacles in vietnam, finally got an breath of relief as I got near my home, but all of sudden

I HEARD THOSE BUSHES MOVE AGAIN😭

Saw my mom nearby doing morning yoga, got near her and saw that soldiers shadow aiming pistol at me I screamed for help with my full capacity and my mom was scared too, turns out that enemy soldier is none other than

THAT ONE MOTHERFCUKER KID FROM MY VILLAGE PLAYING WITH THIS WATER PISTOL PRANKING ADULTS GIVING EM VIETNAM FLASHBACKS😭

I lost my huge smelly shit somewhere near those bushes, and was really angry on that kid.

God's grace upon me, and that kid is lucky too that I don't own a gun, otherwise may have drained my whole AR's magazine on that kid and escape to enemy nation bidding farewell to my family, who the faq expect future from this country if sons like these are raised and cultivated in this country anyway,

and ain't no way I'm gonna leave him now🔫

His age is somewhat 10-12 so grown up enough to get his ass spanked hot red

I am back in home screaming again in anger, told everything to my mom and she almost lost her cool too but calmed my down saying he's one of our relatives kid,yea I remember him, with that runny fcking nose,

BUT I GOT 0 COOL, I OPENED MY WINDOW AND CHALLENGED THAT KID FOR 1V1 TILL DEATH

Kids granny saw this too, I know her, a nice old lady, and she, actually was not surprised by my action as her DAUGHTER A WHORE too😭😭

And her expectations from his grandson are not so high😒

So I just bang'd open'd my door I ran to this kid, and daym,

CHANGE OF HEART

his nooosey👃 all runny 😭

I got sympathy

And adviced him not to do this again

And

MY PHONE IS Ringing

I WOKE UP DISAPPOINTED THAT IM UNABLE TO PROVIDED INTEL ABOUT THAT WEAPON TO MY STATE, GODDAMIT I HATE THAT WHORE AUNTS SON, FCUKING WASTED SOO MUCH OF MY PRECIOUS DREAM TIME I COULD HAVE SPENT WORKING ON MY AIM OF DEVELOPING A WEAPON WHICH WILL HELP MY STATE COMMIT HUGE GENOCIDE ON MY ENEMY STATE

******

Ufff... Thank God, this is rare i remember dream like that, my first time posting my dream, hope I do it again too.

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falcqns · 3 years

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Aurorra

Pairing: Dad!Henry Cavill x Single Mom!Reader

Summary: Henry meets his daughter for the first time.

Warnings: fluff, slight angst. Dad!Henry

A/N: I don't know why I'm a sucker for these types of stories but I am. Hope you enjoy!

It's been two years and two days exactly since you and Henry had broken up.

It had been one year, one month, and two weeks exactly since you had given birth to his daughter, the daughter he had no idea existed.

It hadn't been a particularly nasty break up or anything, but both of you were hurting. You both wanted the relationship to work out, and when it didn't, you were both too heartbroken to even remain friends.

You had moved away from London not long after the breakup, deciding to live in Manchester, which was closer to your family. When you found out you were pregnant, you had tried to call him, but he had blocked your number. You had no way of contacting him other than through instagram, but he had unfollowed you and you knew your message would get lost in the thousands he received a day if you tried that.

You had no way of contacting his family either. You didn't know what to do. You had told your family, and they were insanely happy for you, even though you were going to be a single mother. When your mom had sat down and told you her and your father would do anything to help and support you through whatever decision you made, you knew the answer.

You were going to be a single mother.

When your daughter Aurorra Enola Cavill was born nine months later, you knew you made the right choice. Being a single mother may not have been what you were planning in life, but holding your blue eyed and brown curly haired baby in your arms for the first time, you knew it was what you were meant to do.

Aurorra had become your little bestie. She was such a well behaved baby. She rarely cried, slept through the night not long after she turned a week old, and was always full of smiles that were clearly from her father. There was never any doubt in your mind that she was Henry's, and every time you looked at her and saw her blue eyes, brown hair, and her cuddly chunky body, it only solidified that fact.

Aurorra had just turned 13 months old, and your job transferred you back to London, so you and Aurorra had just made the big move back.

You had opted to move back to the same neighbourhood both because of the safety of it, and because you knew you'd have a good chance of running into Henry. You had thought about it for months on end, and knew he couldn't be kept in the dark any more.

You had just finished unpacking the last box in the bedroom, when Aurorra woke up from her afternoon nap. You changed her and the two of you headed out to ASDA to get some groceries.

You pulled in the driveway and saw car that looked similar to Henry's BMW, but you didn't think anything of it. You parked and got a less than happy Aurorra out of her carseat and strapped her into the cart before heading on your shopping journey.

You had made it through the fruits and vegetables, and was heading to the freezer section to grab frozen fruit for the growing 13 month old, when you saw a familiar back in the same aisle.

It was Henry. There was no doubt about that. He was wearing a white knitted cardigan, with faded blue jeans, and running shoes. From the top of his cardigan you saw a dark blue t shirt poking out. His hair was slightly messy, but still curly. He was reading the nutrition information on the back of a frozen energy bowl, and you quietly opened the fridge, hoping to grab what you needed from this aisle and escape without him noticing you.

You had gone over seeing him again a million times in your head, and in no way did you plan on it being in the grocery store with other people around.

But, 13 month olds have a mind of their own. At that moment, Aurorra saw a popsicle package with the characters from her favourite show, Miraculous Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir, and proceeded to squeal and call your attention.

"Mama!" She squealed and pointed a chunky hand at the popsicles. "Bug!" You glanced up and Henry and watched as he did a double take back at you. His eye brow furrowed, but you ignored him, instead turning to your baby.

"Yes, that is Ladybug. Would you like them?" You asked, and she nodded eagerly. You smiled and grabbed them out of the freezer once you noticed they were organic. "Say thank you," You prompted, and she brought the same chunky hand up to her chin and then down flat towards you. It wasn't the most perfect sign, but she was still learning.

You saw Henry walk up to you and had to steel yourself for the coming conversation. "Y/N?" He asked, and you turned around to face him.

"Hi, Henry." You said, placing the popsicles in the cart with the rest of your groceries. He smiled at you, and then glanced at Aurorra. She smiled and cooed at him and he smiled back, and stroked her cheek. "Hows everything," you asked, trying to avoid the question you knew was about to come.

"Everything's good. Kal misses you. Still sleeps with the teddy you got him," He said, his eyes locked on your daughter. You smiled.

"Well, tell him I miss him too. Now, if you'll excuse me, we're running a little late. I have to get home and get her fed." You said, but before you could move the cart Henry asked you the question.

"I-is she mine?" He asked, and you nodded, trying to swallow the lump that had been forming in your throat, to no avail.

"Y-Yes." You stuttered, and seconds later, Henry's arms enveloped you. "I-Im sorry," You whimpered, and Henry shushed you.

"Its okay. Let's not talk about it here. How about I meet you at your place once were both done?" He suggested, and you agreed, before giving him your address.

"Okay. I'll see you there." he said, giving you another hug, and pressing a kiss to the top of Aurorra's hand that had curled around his pointer finger. He stroked her cheek once more, before giving you both a smile, and heading off. He grabbed his cart with groceries, and made his way towards the checkout.

By the time you had finished shopping and made it home, Henry was parked in the driveway. You took a deep breath, and got out, giving him a smile. He returned it, and got out of his car before walking over to help you.

He grabbed the groceries, leaving you to grab Aurorra, who squealed at the sight of Henry. Henry chuckled, and blew her a kiss. He followed the two of you inside. You set Aurorra down, who stumbled on her own feet before stabilizing, her empty bottle in the right hand.

"Go put your baba in the kitchen please," You said, and she babbled to herself as she walked off, ignoring you and Henry.

"She's absolutely adorable," Henry said, and you smiled. "Well, she is your daughter," You said. Henry threw his head back and laughed before following you into the kitchen.

You set the bags down on the ground and turned to put away the ones Henry set on the counter. You two made small talk while putting away the groceries, mainly about work. You heard ruffling behind you but didn't think anything of it, as Aurorra usually liked to help put away the soup cans.

"Mama?" You heard a little voice ask and you turned around to face Aurorra. She was holding the box of popsicles out to you in one hand, while her other hand made a clockwise motion on her chest, signing please.

You smiled and took the box from her.

"After dinner, okay?" You said, and she didn't like that very much. She plopped on her butt and began to cry.

Her arms reached up to where the popsicles were and sobbed her little heart out. Henry's heart melted and scooped her up. "It's okay baby girl," He said, bouncing her. She sniffled, but calmed down and laid her head on his shoulder. He smiled in happiness, and pressed a kiss to her curly head.

He turned to you. "I just realized, I don't know her name," he said, and you smacked your head.

"Shit sorry, I completely forgot to mention that. Her names Aurorra Enola Cavill. I made sure she got your last name, and that you're on the birth certificate." You said, running your hands through her curly hair.

"Enola? Like Enola Holmes?" He asked, as Aurorra cuddled closer, her chunky arms wrapping around his neck. You nodded.

"Yeah. I couldn't think of a middle name for her, and I was watching Enola Holmes just before she was born. It was the scene where Sherlock and Mycroft see Enola on the train platform and you say her name. I knew then it was perfect." You said, and Henry smiled.

"It's a beautiful name," he said, wrapping his free arm around you. The three of you stood there for a few minutes, before Aurorra shook her hands at you, and tried to wiggle out of Henry's arms.

"Ah dun, Mama." She said. Henry pressed a kiss to her chunky cheek, and let her onto the floor. She scurried away seconds later, towards her bedroom.

"Is she okay wandering by herself?" He asked, watching her little body fall to her hands and knees, but get up and brush it off before continuing on her mission.

"Yeah she'll be fine. She's just going to play." You said, and Henry nodded before pulling you into his arms fully.

"I really am sorry I didn't tell you about her. I couldn't contact you or anyone in your family, and I didn't have the energy during my pregnancy or after to make the journey to London. I promise I didn't plan on hiding her forever." You said, and Henry squeezed you even tighter.

"It's okay. I know you'd never do something like that on purpose. You've done an amazing job raising her. I just wish I had witnessed it."

"You'll get to see her grow. You might have missed her start life, but I have everything recorded. Her first breath, her first steps, her first words, all of it. I know it's not the sam-" You said, but were cut off by his lips.

His hand travelled up to cup your face, before he pulled away. "Sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I just- You amaze me, you know that?" He said and you giggled.

"How so?" You questioned.

He rested his forehead on yours before continuing. "You thought to record everything. You made sure she has my last name and that I'm on the birth certificate. You didn't have to do that, but you did. I've missed you so much, and I didn't know just how much until I saw you in ASDA. I never should have left. I never should have blocked you." He said, a tear falling from his blue eyes. "I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that alone. Thats never what I wanted. But, I promise to be the best dad to her, whether we're together or not."

"I know you will be," You said, and pulled Henry in for another kiss.

The groceries were put away a few minutes later and you told Henry to go and play with Aurorra while you cooked, which he happily did.

He walked down the hallway to her bedroom, and smiled lovingly when he saw his daughter sitting on the ground playing with blocks, a stuffed Akita just like Kal secure under her arm. She was babbling to a Mickey Mouse toy that sat in the corner of the room, and was stacking blocks.

Henry began to walk in the room when she stopped babbling let out a sneeze and a sigh. He grabbed a Kleenex from the change table and sat down next to her.

"Hey sweetheart, can I wipe your nose?" Henry asked, seeing the snot coming from her nose due to the sneeze. She looked up at him and giggled, which Henry took as a yes, and he wiped her nose quickly before disposing of it in the garbage can.

She began babbling again, and pushed the Akita stuffy into his hands. "Goggy," She said, and clapped, which made Henry smile.

"It is a doggy. I have a doggy like your stuffy, wanna see?" He asked, and she nodded and clapped.

Henry pulled out his phone and pulled up a picture of Kal. Aurorra stood up and clambered into his lap, which Henry welcomed. When she saw the picture of Kal, she started bouncing and clapping again.

"Goggy! Goggy wun!" She exclaimed when he showed her a video of him running.

"Thats right, he is running. He's really good at it too, believe me." Henry said and put his phone away. Aurorra stood up and reached out her arm for him, opening and closing her fist. Henry stood up, and let her take his big hand in her tiny one, and lead him out of the room, and towards the back door that led to the backyard, babbling the entire way.

"Hold on, honey, we gotta tell Mama we're going outside, okay?" He said and she nodded before running to the kitchen shouting Mama.

Henry watched as she stood in the doorway and babbled before pointing at the door. She held her hand in front of her face and moved it out, closing it into a fist.

"You're going outside?" You asked, and she nodded. Henry saw you bend down and whisper something into her ear with a smile on your face and Aurorra giggle but didn't think much of it, before his little girl was running towards him and squealing.

He scooped her up and carried her out the door. She pointed at the toy box in the corner of the yard and Henry carried her over. He sat her down and opened it, before letting her pick what she wanted to play with. She grabbed a bucket with shovels and molds before running over to the lady bug sandbox and patting the lid. Henry chuckled and pulled the lid off.

"You wanna play in the sand?" He asked, and she nodded before climbing in.

Henry sat down next to her, and a shovel was thrust into his hand seconds later. She had a bright yellow one in her own hand and was digging a hole. Henry followed suit and helped her dig the hole.

A few minutes later she handed Henry a elephant mold.

"Put, Dada." She said, and Henry's breath caught in his throat, the mold falling from his hand.

"Did you say Dada?" He asked her, tears clouding his vision, and he saw her smile and point at the house.

"Mama, say." she said, picking up the elephant mold again.

"Mama told you I'm your Dada?"

She nodded and shook the mold in his face, practically begging him to take it. Henry smiled and pulled her out of the sand box, into his arms.

"I am your Dada, and I promise you I will love you forever." He said, and kissed her cheeks. She giggled before pointing at the sand box and doing grabby hands. Henry chuckled but put her back where she was. He picked up the mold and began to fill it with sand before she got upset.

"I apologize for interrupting your playtime," He said. "Now, lets make some animals."

Later that night, when Aurorra had been fed and put to bed, Henry pressed another kiss to your lips.

"She called me Dada when we were playing outside." He confessed and your eyes lit up.

"Really? I told her before she went out with you that you were her Dada, I wasn't expecting her to say it so soon!" You exclaimed. Henry chuckled, and pulled you into his lap.

"I'm so happy she did. Thank you for giving me her." He said, pressing his lips to yours before you could respond.

#henry cavill #henry cavill smut #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill x y/n #Henry Cavill fluff #henry cavill angst #henry cavill imagine #Henry Cavill x reader #Henry Cavill x you #dad!henry cavill #Henry Cavill x single mom!reader #Henry Cavill fanfiction

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