#anyway i am fucking grumpy and not dealing with it well

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

.

[fractallogic]

Aha tonight I am too tired to get myself off the couch and upstairs to take a shower and go to bed

Instead I have been curled up under a blanket since 8 PM, slept through the entire postgame show (but stayed awake-ish enough to know that the Avs didn’t blow their three-goal lead), woke up when ESPN started blaring ads, retrieved delicious grocery store cake from the fridge, and then alternated between scrolling through my phone and watching modern family until. 20 min ago. But I’m now at least upstairs.

I’m getting up at 10 AM, though. I can’t completely fuck up my sleep schedule. Especially since I have to catch a SIX AM FLIGHT on Thursday lololololololol godddddd

[jobean12-blog]

The Fine Print

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader (CEO!Bucky AU)

Word Count: 4,126

Summary: You've been working under Bucky for almost a year and he's always been a grumpy ass and even though when the lines get blurred you can't seem to stay away.

Author's Note: These new pics and all the new gym shots and vids and yum! Just being fed so well! I like the idea of a grumpy CEO who just wants you and he's mad about it. No excuse for being a dick but he's not really all bad. And anyway, I'd never tell him no...haha! Thank you all so much for reading! Much love always! ❤️❤️❤️Thank you Daisy for the lovely divider @firefly-graphics😘

Warnings: Grumpy ass Bucky (he's a total ass sometimes but has moments of softness), sassy reader, lots of tension, flirting, curses, fingering, light dirty talk

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

You’re late. Only twenty minutes but it’s long enough that your grumpy ass of a boss will have your head for it.

Grumpy…and an ass but entirely too gorgeous.

You pick up the pace, precariously balancing your files and bags and hoping you don’t faceplant on the newly shined floors.

Getting a flat tire on the highway this morning wasn’t on your long to-do list for today, but it still happened and now you’ll have to deal with a very cranky Mr. Barnes.

You round the corner and enter your office, ready to give your usual sunshine filled greeting.

“Good morning, Mr. Barnes!”

He’s standing at your desk, arms crossed over his broad chest and his eyes hard.

“Is it a good morning?” he asks, not bothering to move out of the way as you try to slip around him. “What time is it?”

You stop and meet his glare.

“I had some car trouble this morning. I got a flat on my way in.”

Your voice comes out steady and strong and relief floods through you. This was the first time you were late, and you were not going to be reprimanded.

“Trouble is quite the fitting word for what I’ve been dealing with in your absence.”

You glance up at him and his antagonizing stare, and blink away your surprise at his words.

“I would have thought you would at least ask me if I was ok Mr. Barnes,” you say sweetly and with a smile. “After all, how could I possibly manage to fix a flat tire all on my own.”  

His jaw clenches tightly.

“Obviously you managed,” he counters. “And you look just fine.”

Beautiful blue eyes wander languidly down your body before making their slow perusal back up to study your face.

You try to school your features and when he raises an expectant brow you bite back with, “Thankfully I am fine, and I got help but I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with the burden of picking up a telephone and sending an e-mail all on your own this morning. It won’t happen again.”

He takes a step closer to you and you stop yourself from swaying forward to get a hint of his scent.

Traitorous body. If only the fucker wasn’t so fucking hot.

“You’re right. It won’t,” he replies with a smug smile. “And just so you don’t forget, I’d like to see…”

He spends the next minute rattling off several project pieces he’d like to see completed and on his desk by the end of the day.

“And then you can make up the half an hour you missed by getting together a mock presentation for our meeting tomorrow.”

When your nostrils flare, he smiles triumphantly and dips his head, so his warm breath caresses the shell of your ear.

“I’ll see you in the conference room at six.”

He turns away and slams his office door behind him and you let out an exasperated puff of air.

“It was only twenty minutes asshole.”

You mutter the words under your breath as you plop into your office chair and continue to curse his name in grumbles.

There’s a light knock on the door before it opens and you know you’re about to hear the voice of your friend and coworker, Jess.

“I know you’re working through lunch,” she says. “So at least let me get you something.”

You don’t look up but smile nonetheless, your fingers flying over the keyboard with ease.

“Honestly, I don’t even think I have time to eat,” you say before hitting the period button hard and meeting her eyes.

Jess gives you a sympathetic look. “I’ll grab you something nutritious.”

She waves before gently shutting the door. You lean over to check your desk drawer for snacks, the mention of lunch reminding you that you are in fact, hungry. At the same time that you see you have nothing to eat you notice a tear in your stockings.

“Son of a bitch,” you grumble. “I just bought these.”

Less than a minute later your door opens again and without looking up from your screen you whine, “do you know what, after the morning I’ve had I think I’ll take something sweet…maybe a cookie. Or twelve. Or chocolate of any kind.”

When you receive no acknowledgement, in return you glance up and see that Jess is not standing at your door.

You quickly tug the hem of your skirt down, noting how Bucky’s eyes track the movement and linger on your legs.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Barnes, I didn’t realize…”

“Since your morning has been so awful,” he starts, his sly smile growing, “why don’t you run down to the café and pick us both up some lunch.”

Your lips purse and once again his eyes seem glued to every action you take.

“Mr. Barnes, Jess has just come in and said she would grab me something to eat so I can continue working through lunch.”

When he doesn’t say anything, you continue.

“I have A LOT to get done.”

“I’m sure you’ll make it work,” he says before rattling off his lunch order.

He turns on his heel and takes two long strides back to his office, pulling the door closed hard behind him.

“What the f…?”

You don’t even finish the sentence when he opens the door again and pokes his head out.

“Make sure you get yourself something to eat. We’re going to be here late.”

The door slams shut again, and you abruptly stand, your rolling chair flying back into the wall as you storm off.

“Why does he care if I eat or not?” you ask yourself as you angrily stuff things into your bag and throw it over your shoulder.

The rest of the day goes by far too quickly and you find yourself cursing out the copy machine as you wait for the rest of your papers to go through. Checking your phone you see you’re already almost ten minutes late to your afterhours ‘meeting.’

You rush down the dim hall of the now empty building, your presentation materials clutched tightly to your chest and glance again at your phone.

Fifteen minutes. Shit.

As you near the conference room, you try to calm your breathing and slow to a walk. A soft light shines from under the door, and you know he’s in there waiting for you.

Taking a deep breath you knock.

“Come in.”

You walk into the large room, never failing to take in the view of the city that the floor to ceiling windows along one wall highlight.

At the head of the large dark wood conference table, sits Bucky. His suit jacket is hanging haphazardly over the back of his chair, his tie is loose around his neck, and the crisp white sleeves of his button down are rolled up to his elbows.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Barnes. The copy machine…”

Realizing you’ve been apologizing all day, and it has made no difference, you stop yourself and lift your chin, walking over to where he sits and placing down your papers, sorting through them as quickly as possible so you can begin.

“Have you eaten dinner?” he asks.

His question takes you completely by surprise and you meet his piercing blue eyes with a confused expression.

“I uh…I had lunch.”

“That doesn’t answer my question sweetheart.”

At his sugared endearment, your eyes widen, and your breath catches in your throat, but you regain your composure.

“No. I haven’t.”

He just nods and gestures to the papers, clearly waiting for you to get started.

You lean over the table, searching for the paper you need and in your disheveled state don’t realize your entire lower body is practically draped over him.

“I just need to find…”

The words catch in your throat when you feel his fingers softly touch your thigh, slowly inching higher to reveal the tear in your stocking. His fingertips trace the sheared fabric and press against your skin, igniting it with heat.

Every muscle in your body tenses, your heart pounds in your chest and your brain screams at you to push him away but you don’t dare move.

“Look at me,” he demands, pressing his fingertips harder into your skin.

You straighten and turn to face him, his hand sliding up and over the curve of your hip to settle on your waist.

“Mr. Barnes?” you ask, keeping your eyes trained on his.

“James. Call me James.”

The intensity of his stare makes your breath catch and when he doesn’t answer and instead continues letting his hand trace your curves you battle with your emotions.

“The next time you have car trouble,” and his hand slips under your skirt again, “you call me.”

“What? Why would I?”

His fingertips graze the lace top of your stocking before he lifts your skirt higher and drops his eyes between your legs.

“Because I said so,” he murmurs, teasing along your inner thigh.

Your hand falls to the table to steady yourself and you willingly spread your legs open when he gives them a slight push.

“That’s hardly a good reason,” you breathe out.

“Fuck,” he growls, and his eyes fall closed.

You glance down at his lap and see him straining against the expensive fabric of his pants.

He smooths two fingers along the line of your panties, lightly pressing against your swollen and sensitive clit. His eyes open and he looks furious, fisting the thin material in his hand and in one quick movement, tearing it off.

He pulls you down roughly onto his lap, your skirt riding up over your hips to accommodate the wide spread of your legs as you straddle him.

An involuntary moan slips past your parted lips when he grabs your ass and drags you down over his hard cock.

When he opens his mouth to speak you grab his tie between your fingers and use it to pull his mouth to yours. Every sweep of his lips is heaven, and you release his tie to rake your fingers through his hair.

He makes a low, angry noise deep in his throat and you trail your lips along his jaw, kissing your way down the strong column of his neck.

His hand slides from your ass and slips between your legs, his fingers brushing through the wetness just before there’s a knock on the door.

You both go completely still and wait. When a second knock sounds, he quietly curses and gently lifts you off his lap.

You quickly pull your skirt down and smooth your hands over your hips. He watches your every move as he runs a hand through his mussed hair and sits up in the chair, hiding his legs and erection under the table.

“What?” he growls, loud enough for whomever is on the other side to hear.

“Mr. Barnes, we’re scheduled to do maintenance in here tonight.”

He curses again and continues to stare at you.

“I’m just finishing a meeting. Give me five minutes.”

“Of course, Mr. Barnes,” the maintenance manager, says, “take your time.”

His chest rises and falls rapidly as he splays his hands out over the tabletop. Hastily he stands and tries to straighten his tie, his eyes landing on your ripped panties that lie on the floor.

He grabs them and rubs the silky fabric between his fingers.

“Make sure you eat something,” he says and then shrugs on his suit jacket, tucking your panties into the breast pocket.

You’re clutching the table and staring as he grabs his briefcase and starts toward the door.

“It’s late. I’m going to have security walk you to your car,” he states, finally meeting your eyes.

His groan is pained as his gaze travels down your body and then he disappears out the door.

You fall back into a chair and try to calm your breathing. You’d have to be out of here in a minute and you didn’t want to look suspicious. Seeing movement outside the door you begin gathering your things and stand on still shaky legs.

With a deep inhale you straighten your shoulders and walk out the door with a serene smile, greeting the head of security and thanking him for escorting you out.

What the fuck just happened?

The next morning you’re making your way into the office when he walks in. You do nothing more than greet him with a curt nod, giving him a wide berth of space as you make your way to your desk.

You can feel his eyes on you, the lick of heat traveling down your spine. You’re wearing your favorite dress and while it’s appropriate for the workspace it accentuates all the right spots, and you smile to yourself as you bend down to retrieve something from your desk drawer.

Regardless of what transpired last night you are not going to let it affect your work. You felt powerful and confident in this dress and Mr. Barnes can fuck off.

You peek over your shoulder to find him standing halfway in the doorway of his office and staring. You raise your brows and blink.

He clears his throat and mumbles a short “good morning,” then steps into his office and slams the door.

You roll your eyes and promise yourself he’ll be the last thing on your mind as you set out to get as much work done today as possible.

As lunch approaches you grab your bag and reach for your wallet. Your fingers close around a crumpled piece of paper, and you start to smile when you’re reminded of what it is.

You knock on his office door and saunter inside when he says, “come in.” The receipt hits his desk with a smack and without an explanation you turn and walk back out.

You almost make it to the first step in the stairwell when you hear footsteps approach behind you.

“Where the hell do you think you’re running off to?” he calls.

You continue walking and make it down one flight of steps before saying, “to get lunch.”

He meets you on the landing and clutches your elbow, spinning you around and pushing you against the wall.

Your eyes narrow contemptuously.

He whips the receipt out and in front of your face. “Want to explain this sweetheart?”

You let out a wry chuckle. “You know for such a smart guy you really are an ass sometimes. It’s a receipt.”

“I can see that,” he says through clenched teeth. “What I want to know is why you’re making purchases for…lingerie…on my company credit card.”

“Some jerk ripped up my favorite pair of panties last night.”

You shrug your shoulders and try to skirt past him.

His hand meets the wall next to your head, his fingers curling and crumpling the receipt and you can feel how tightly the muscles in his body are flexed when he presses closer.

He looks tormented for the split second before his lips crash down on yours and your treacherous body melts into the kiss.

His cock throbs against your stomach as he tries to hike your dress up over your thighs. Reluctantly he steps back, making enough space so he can slowly slide your dress higher, above your panties and look his fill.

“I like this pair even more than last nights,” he simpers.

His fingers hook into the lace at your hip, and you grab his shirt. “Don’t you dare Barnes.”   

“You can buy as many new pairs as you want.”

He once again easily tears them from your hips.

Your lips part in shock but he swallows your sassy remark with his mouth. The roughness of his kiss is a sharp contrast to the way his fingers softly tease between your legs.

You need more but you’ll be damned if you’re going to beg him for it. As if he can read your inner thoughts, his eyes light up in triumph when he pulls away to meet your gaze.

“As much as I want to hear you beg me for it sweetheart, I already know how badly you want it. You’re soaked for me.”

“You’re such an ass…”

He slides a finger inside you and your combined groans echo in the empty stairwell, the insult dying on your lips.

His stare is intense as he dips his head to your ear, warm lips brushing ever so gently when he whispers, “say please and I’ll give you what you want.”

Instead, you nip at his jaw, stifling the moan of need that threatens to rise in your throat. He continues pumping one finger in and out, sweat beginning to bead on his brow and his teeth gritted.

You hiss out a curse that’s followed by a breathy “please.”

You’re expecting him to be smug but instead he slows his movements and languidly pushes a second finger inside you, clearly relishing the way your eyelids flutter closed and you clench around him.

“That’s it sweetheart. Show me how much you love it when I fuck you with my fingers.”

His words practically send you over the edge but it’s the press of his thumb to your clit that makes your legs start to shake and his name fall from your lips like a prayer.

When his head falls to your neck and he places soft kisses along your skin, traveling up to your ear to whisper, “come for me gorgeous,” you let go and dig your fingernails into his strong shoulders, finishing with a muffled cry.

He draws out your pleasure with the slow push and pull of his fingers before sliding them out and holding them between you, his skin glistening under the harsh fluorescent lights.

His fingers press to his lips, parting them as he licks them clean, clearly savoring every drop of your taste.

“I knew you’d be sweet,” he croons.

“James,” you whimper when your hands fall to his pants.

He grabs your wrist to stop you and pushes your hand away. With soft movements he fixes your dress, smoothing his hands along your curves.

“But…” you start, and he silences you with a kiss.

You’re breathless and your head is fuzzy by the time he pulls away and with a wink he steps back and says, “lunch is over. We have a meeting to attend.”

He turns on his heel and jogs back up the steps with ease. Your narrowed eyes follow him before you let out a frustrated huff and walk on wobbly legs in the same direction.

You had forgotten all about the meeting…the one you were supposed to go over the plans for the night before.

When you walk into the large conference room everyone is already seated and Bucky is of course at the head of the table. His eyes are trained on you as you walk to the front and place your things down near him.

The presentation you’re giving shouldn’t take more than ten minutes, but there’s a lot riding on it and after what just happened, you’re obviously feeling flustered.

You open your document and greet and address the room, doing everything in your power to keep your focus on where it belongs and not on him.

But when you pause your eyes lock with his and your ability to speak is momentarily stolen. His gaze is intense, the heat simmering there almost palpable.

With a clear of your throat you continue, fumbling slightly but thankfully recovering quick enough that no one seems to notice. No one but him.

His perfect lips raise in a lopsided grin, and he runs his tongue along the seam of his lips. It’s clear where his thoughts are, and you must tear your eyes away to unscramble your head. He’s obviously trying to fluster you and quickly your nerves are replaced with anger, and you use it to fuel the rest of your presentation, finishing it with ease.

You sit with a smile and lift your chin, challenging him with your eyes. He stares right back.

“Thank you,” he says, addressing you by your first name as he stands and commands the room. “That was an excellent presentation. Clearly, you were well prepared.”

You can’t tell if his words are mocking or meaningful and it sets you on edge. He moves around the room and answers any lingering questions before ending the meeting with a dismissive hand.

As people stand and gather their things, Bucky comes up behind you, pressing his chest close to your back as he leans in to pretend to grab something from the table.

“I wasn’t sure you were going to make it thought that” he chuckles.

To everyone else it appears he’s making a funny remark, but you can feel your skin heat at his proximity and taunting words.

“Ugh,” you say through gritted teeth. “You would have loved that wouldn’t you?”

You can feel your eyes fill with unshed tears, the emotions of the day finally catching up to you and when his gaze finds yours his expression morphs from haughty to soft in an instant.

It only sends you reeling again, the confusion flooding through you and before he can say more you gather your things and rush out the door. Unexpectedly, he’s hot on your heels all the way to the elevator.

There are several other people on it so when you stop at the next floor and more employees file in, you’re squeezed toward the back, pushed farther into him, your ass against his crotch.

He’s hard and you feel the rest of him stiffen with the sharp intake of his breath. You take a step away from him, as much as you can in the confined space, but he reaches forward and grips your hip to pull you back.

“Don’t move,” he whispers into your neck.

“I’m two seconds away from shoving my heel up your ass,” you seethe.

He leans even closer, keeping a firm grasp on your hip.

“You were deliberately trying to make me fuck that up!”

You turn your head to peer at him and his mouth falls open, brows furrowed.

“What?” he says.

“You heard me.”

When you reach the floor just before the top, everyone else exits the elevator and the doors close, leaving you both pressed together in the corner.

It starts to move again, and you jerk backward, falling against him as he leans into the wall.

His sudden growl startles you and then he slams his hand into the stop button on the control panel.

His body cages you against the wall and his breathing is harsh.

“I would never want you to fuck anything up,” he exhales. “It’s impossible for me to think about anything but you…how good you taste, and I haven’t even gotten my mouth on you.”

You hide your surprise at his confession.

“Yet.” He adds in a promised whisper.

“This is my career at stake Mr. Barnes. You’re the one with all the power here. What do you have to lose?”

“Me? All the power?” He laughs dryly. “You’re the one who does this to me…the only one.”

You feel him throb against your stomach and you can see the truth in his eyes.

“Then don’t be such a dick all the time.”

You mean the words to come out harsh but instead they’re a quiet whisper and your expression softens.

It’s all he needs before his lips crash to yours and he slides his hands down to your ass, squeezing his way to the hem of your dress.

“I had to sit there and watch you present, the whole fucking time knowing you had nothing on under here.”

His touch is delicate as he spreads your legs and slides a finger through your folds, already wet and aching.

“I was sitting there hard as a rock just thinking about bending you over that table, tasting you, fucking you.”

Your fingers close around his biceps, the soft fabric of his suit jacket bulging under the strained muscles.

“Is that what you want?” he asks as his fingers continue to tease you.

“Yes,” you answer as you grab hold of his tie and bring his lips closer.

He kisses you, never touching you where you need it most and when he pulls away, he presses the elevator button, causing it to start moving again.

He removes his fingers and reaches up to straighten his tie and when the doors open, he backs out, his voice low and deep when he says, “I need to see you in my office. Immediately.”

He turns and glides from the elevator, his long strides carrying him quickly toward his office and you can’t do anything but follow.

@blackwidownat2814 @hiddles-rose @kmc1989 @goldylions @lizette50

[the-iceni-bitch]

Chemical Override, Ultraviolet. You Could Be Mine Tonight…

Relationship: lawyer!amazon Natasha Romanoff x plus size!short female!reader (Big Red and Peach)

Words: ~2.3k

Summary: It’s your birthday, again, and Nat really can’t help but spoil you.

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (w/w sex, strap-on use, pussy eating), established relationship, kind of idiots in love, they’re just really fucking cute, SMUT!!! NO MINORS!!!

A/N: I love them and I’ve missed them terribly. They really are so goddamn adorable.

I am no longer doing taglists so if you want to stay up to date on all my fics follow my sideblog, @the-iceni-library , and turn on notifications!

“God, do we really have to go?” You pouted at Nat while she grabbed her purse. “We could spend the day at home and do dirty stuff.”

“Baby, it’s your birthday, a big one,” she chuckled when you huffed at her, “Listen, just trust me. I know you, I know what you like. I promise you’ll have a good time. You’ve been wanting to try this place forever, right?”

“I guess…” You had, but it was always so busy, and your loving but occasionally overbearing girlfriend was probably going to make the waitstaff sing to you.

Before you had a chance to whine any more she was shoving you out the front door. At least it was a short walk, but that didn’t mean you were going to quit being a brat about this. Every time you were about to complain she would just kiss you, though. Then you would forget what you were going to make a fuss about and get pouty about that. Damn her and her ability to predict your behavior! Why couldn’t she let you be grumpy? Of course, it was always hard to stay grumpy when your gorgeous Amazon of a girlfriend was holding your hand and smiling at you like you were the whole world. You were going to give it your best shot, though. It’s not like she didn’t love you cranky ass anyway.

When you reached the restaurant you let out a loud whine, stamping your feet a few times and pouting while Nat just smiled and dragged you inside. You braced yourself for the crowd and the noise and all the shit you didn’t want to deal with on your birthday.

But it was empty. It was Friday night and one of the most popular restaurants in the city was empty.

“Nat…” you squeezed her hand when she led you to the only set table in the place. “What did you do?”

“I decided to spoil my little peach for her birthday.” She just shook her head when you sniffed at her holding your chair out for you. “C’mon sweetheart. I already gave the chef and bartender a list of what you wanted to try most so you won’t have to see anyone else except when they bring out the next dish.”

“Jesus Christ,” you were still getting used to how well this woman treated you, but looking at the smoked salmon tarts and pink cocktails you couldn’t help but smile. “Are they gonna bring all the rosé cocktails?”

“You bet your fine little ass they are,” she kissed your hand as she sat down next to you. “Just don’t get too drunk. Can’t have you falling off my dick later tonight.”

“Nat!” You slapped your hand over your mouth when you snorted and felt your Paloma go up your nose. “Will you ever stop bringing that up?”

“Not ever,” she grabbed your hand when you slapped her shoulder and kissed each of your fingers, growling playfully and nibbling on your thumb when you snuggled up to her. “Your adorable little squeal when you tumbled off the bed is forever ingrained into my memory. My little girl was just so sure she could ride the big boy.”

“Shut up,” you let her feed you a tart and scrunched up your face when she kissed your forehead. “I would’ve been fine if I was sober.”

“Whatever you say, birthday girl,” Nat took a sip of her vodka cranberry and wound her arm around your waist. “Not like you get overconfident whenever you’re drunk or anything.”

“Hey, if I can take it lying down I should be able to ride it!” When you realized how loud you were talking you were suddenly very grateful that the restaurant was empty, your face getting all kinds of hot as you took a long drink of your Paloma. “I mean, logically.”

Nat really did know you and what you liked, and it didn’t piss you off like it used to at all. You could talk to her about anything when it was just the two of you. You could laugh that stupidly loud and screechy laugh you did when she reminded you of something stupid you did that she insisted was the most adorable thing in the world. The food and the drinks tasted amazing when you weren’t feeling overwhelmed by people surrounding you. Just you and her, and goddamn you were in love with her.

“This cake is fucking ridiculous,” you giggled when she wheeled out some pink flowery monstrosity with sparklers sticking out of it. “It looks too pretty to eat.”

“But eat it we shall,” damn her being so cute and cheering while she filmed you blowing out the sparklers then helped you pull them out of your cake. “I got the dark chocolate cherry you wanted to try. So eat a slice then we’ll pack it up and take it home.”

“Well,” you beamed at her when she cut you a nice big slice. “If you insist. Holy fuck, this is soooooo good!”

You could have eaten the whole thing. You would have if Nat hadn’t made a cryptic comment about a special surprise when she started to box up the cake. As much as you loved cake, you loved surprises from your girlfriend even more. So you just kept that ridiculously goofy grin on your face while she somehow managed to both hold the box of cake and keep you from wobbling when you tried to walk home on your semi-drunk legs.

“So bubbly when you drink your little pink drinks… shit!” Nat threw her head back and laughed heartily when you pounced on her as soon as she had put the cake down once you got home. “My my, aren’t we the eager little thing?”

“Mmhm,” you kissed all over her face and made needy sounds. “Need my birthday spanks from mommy.”

“Dear lord,” she gave you another lovely laugh and then threw you over her shoulder, slapping your ass as she started carrying you up the stairs while she counted off. “One… two… three…”

By the time you had reached the master bedroom she was finished and you were so worked up you could hardly breathe. You squealed when she tossed you on the bed and tore off your dress, your face getting warm when she looked at you like she was going to eat you alive. It still gave you the butterflies in your stomach whenever she looked at you like that, you always had a little bit of trouble believing she was real and in love with you.

“Wait, where are you going?” You propped yourself up on your elbows when she was suddenly gone. “Hey, I’m naked and it’s my birthday, what the fuck, Romanoff?”

“Be a little patient, pretty peach,” your sassy retort died in your throat when she walked out of the closet wearing nothing but lacy red panties, thigh highs, and a very large black strap on you had never seen before. “You really think I would leave my best girl hanging on her birthday?”

“Hehe, nuh-uh,” you squeaked when she grabbed both of your ankles and yanked you down the bed, gasping and wiggling when she nipped at your heel before kissing her way up the inside of your leg. “Mommy…”

“Mommy knows, baby girl,” she smiled against your skin when you kicked and giggled at her sucking on the sensitive spot on the back of your knee. “We have to make sure you’re ready for mommy’s cock, peach.”

You just mumbled nonsense in response as she nibbled her way to your throbbing core. As soon as her mouth met your slit your entire body shuddered violently, your breath coming in such fast, short pants you were worried about hyperventilating. But hey, passing out when your amazing sex goddess of a girlfriend was licking your pussy would be far from a bad thing. It hadn’t even been thirty seconds and you already felt like you were right on the edge, your eyes rolling back in your head and your hips grinding against her face while she fucked your with her mouth. When she gave your swollen clit a little nibble you broke, sobbing and squirming wildly as your cunt fluttered and gushed all over her face.

As soon as you were finished she was crawling up your body and stealing what little breath you had left in your lungs with a kiss so passionate you were quite sure you were going to faint. Then she was inside you, and goddamm. You were so overwhelmed all you could do was babble incoherently and clutch at her shoulders as she drove into you over and over again.

“Such an eager little girl for mommy, aren’t you?” Nat chuckled when your only response was a hiccup as she ground against your clit. She kissed your lips again, then kissed your neck, and then she was sucking on one of your nipples and oh look at that, you came again already. “That’s it. I bet your little pussy is squeezing mommy’s cock so hard right now. You are making a mess all over mommy’s thighs right now, peach.”

How you were supposed to actually respond to her was a mystery. You were nothing but a writhing bundle of sensations at the moment, sobbing and gasping while she fucked you with that strange mix of ferocity and tenderness that made submitting to her so damn easy. The occasional glimpse of her gorgeous face hovering above you managed to break through the fuzzy haze of your vision but then the world just turned back into a warm, golden glow as she somehow managed to wring even more pleasure out of your spent body.

“Fuck!” Your third orgasm made your body spasm so hard you were almost in pain, drool leaking from the corner of your slack mouth when she kissed you and started to pull out. “No, wait… nononono, don’t go…”

“Peach, baby,” Nat chuckled when you lifted your hips to try to keep the strap inside you. “You can hardly keep your mouth closed right now, birthday girl. Mommy thinks it might be time for some aftercare.”

“But…” you gave her a cute little scowl then rolled over onto your stomach, arching your back and pushing your hips up so you could wiggle your ass just a little. “It’s my birthday. Can… can you just fuck my ass a little bit… pretty pretty please?”

“You are an insatiable little minx, Jesus Christ,” she shook her head affectionately and gave your ass a firm smack, groaning appreciatively at the jiggle of your generous curves before spreading your cheeks and spitting right on your asshole. “I’ve spoiled you, haven’t I?”

“Mmhm… fuuuuuuuck…” your eyes rolled back again when she slid her finger inside your ass, rocking your hips so you were basically fucking your own hole on her hand while she gave you a few more quick spanks. “More…”

Nat really couldn’t say no to you, smacking your ass one more time as she slid a second finger inside you. It was hard not to give you everything you wanted when you were this fucking responsive, your pussy gushing and your voice leaving you in an adorable squeak when she pushed in a third finger. She could feel your desperation in the way your insides fluttered and clenched around her digits, leaning over your perfect, soft body and kissing the back of your neck while she stretched you open. Her fingers were gone without warning but you only had a moment to mourn the loss because then she was slamming the strap inside you so hard you saw god for just a second.

You had to bite the sheets underneath you to keep from screaming like you were being murdered as she started to fuck your ass in deep, long strokes. Her teeth were digging into your shoulder, her hips were grinding against your cheeks, and your ass was so full of her dick your guts were most likely going to be permanently rearranged. Then she was touching you, her hands were everywhere and maybe you could have held out a little longer but then one of her hands was between your legs and you were lost.

“There we go… that’s it, baby girl,” Nat crooned and slammed into you one last time as you came with a shriek, rubbing your clit gently while you shuddered and wailed from pure ecstasy. “Such a perfect girl for mommy.”

She pulled out of you slowly once you had collapsed into the mattress, undoing the harness around her hips and waist quickly and tossing the toy aside before wrapping you in her arms again. You just took a few short breaths as you struggled to get yourself under control, sighing when she rolled you onto your side and held you close to her chest.

“God, that was a pretty good fucking birthday present,” you giggled when she kissed your forehead and wound your arms around her waist. “Not gonna lie, I was thinking you were going to propose when you made such a big fucking deal about this one.”

“Were you?” Nat tilted your head back with a finger under your chin and beamed at you. “It is a big birthday, peach, but I wanted today to be all about you. Besides, I don’t like surprise proposals. That’s why I’m doing it at Christmas.”

“Oh, haha,” you snorted and rolled your eyes, your throat suddenly getting tight when she just kept smiling at you like she knew something you didn’t. “Nat… Nat, say ‘haha’. Nat, don’t you fucking joke around with me right now, that’s not nice,” you felt the blood run from your face when she just kissed your forehead and stood up while murmuring about running a bath. “Nat?! Natasha?!!!”

[just-a-fluffy-knight]

Wolverine Tickle-Cannons!

My Deadpool headcannons can be found >>here!!<<

A/N: yeah uhhhhhh no one look at these /j 😭😭 I am aware that I have requests to get to but I do not have enough motivation to complete a fic rn and Deadpool and Wolverine is all I can think about right now sooooo here’s a lil bit of food for y’all 🤲🏻

Another thing: These headcannons are for Deadpool 3 Wolverine only, as I haven’t seen any other movies with him in 😞 so these may not even be accurate and incredibly ooc butttttt oh well :3

⚠️ Another thing!! These do contain minor spoilers soooo feel free to come back to this later 👋🏻 Hope y’all like these!! :]] ⚠️

@neppy-34 I apologise I stole some of your ideas we shared feel free to sue me 😞🙏🏻 /lh

Lee:

Yk what??? Fuck you /pos *slams down a bunch of possibly ooc headcannons*

HES TOO GRUMPY I NEED HIM TO SMILEEEEE

Definitely deadpans you like in the gif above if you ask him the dreaded “are you twordish?” question

But he is :]

Like we’ve all seen that X-Men scene that reveals his stomach is ticklish right??

ALSO. HIS FUCKIN LAUGH HERE (scene from the movie used)

THE WHEEZE AND THE SNORT JUST AUGH (imma get him)

His weak spots are definitely his belly and ribs but I feel like Wade would also scratch behind his ears or under his chin to be an asshole

“Whosh a snorty wittle honey badger, huuuuh? You are! Yes, you are-!”

“SHUT THE FUHUCK UP!”

To add onto this he also cusses like a sailor when getting wrecked

Acts incredibly pissy before, during and after getting wrecked, but lets out these like…. content little growls JSJSGAHSHD IDEK ANYMORE DUDE

Will definitely need to restrain him if you don’t wanna accidentally get sliced by his claws or kicked across the room

Like he definitely cut Wade’s hands off once and he was like

“…Bud I kinda need those to do this-“

“Why the hell do you think I just did that?”

ALSO ALSO the scene in the bar where he was drunk?? Bro literally giggled omg

So he’s definitely an easier target if he’s drunk like his claws barely come out and he smiles so much more 😭❤️

But once he sobers up he acts way more grumpy than he usually does, claiming he doesn’t remember any of that shit even though he does VIVIDLY-

Okay one final thing Wade definitely carries him like a bride to milk the joke that he’s short asf in the comics

Ler:

Y’KNOW WHAT?? FUCK YOU AGAIN /pos (slams down even MORE possibly ooc headcannons)

Okay lemme just start with the gif above??

Like that’s literally him if you’re being annoying and he’s trying so hard to just deal with it but then you drop one joke that really riles him up

“…Okay, that’s it, you little shit-“

Okay I feel like this is something that you’d really have to get his playful side out for him to do, but the scene where he dashes towards Wade on all fours??

Yeah he’d do that in a chase

Like specifically to scare Wade

“Oh, we’re gonna do this? Fine, let’s fuckin go.” *gets down and SCARPERS*

“*SCREAM-!* HOLY SHIHIT SPIDER SOCIETY COME GEHET YOUR FUCKING BOSS-“

(yes I did drop a Miguel Ohara reference because that was the first thing I thought of watching that scene for the first time 😭)

Oh and he’ll definitely wreck Wade to tears if he’s being too irritating

Like?? There’s a way to shut him up that doesn’t involve him uselessly stabbing him because he’ll only regenerate anyway?? Fuck yeah‼️

I doubt he’d be one to tease per se, but he’s definitely a massive asshole about wrecking you

“Jesus Christ, you’re loud. You mind? I’m trynna focus here.”

“This isn’t fair? Life ain’t fair. You’re the one who decided to mouth me off, so who’s really at fault here?”

HED ALSO DO THIS THING WHERE while he’s wrecking you he’ll suddenly stop and be like

“So? You ready to stop being a jackass?”

But you’re still too giggly and busy trying to get your breath back to respond so he’ll go

“No? Alright, suit yourself.”

Buuuuuut sometimes you may catch him smirking or chuckling at how much you’re laughing your ass off :]

Raspberries and tickle bites?

………………….yes

Like bro look at those fuckin MUTTONCHOPS

They would tickle so bad omfg

Like imagine him growling into your neck or belly or AUGHSHSHAHA

okay I’m done

And as a lil bonus here’s some more silly ideas involving ‘The Greatest Showman’ references because we both thought that shit was hilarious 😭😭

AAAAAA hope you guys liked these I am very insane about Deadpool and Wolverine if you couldn’t tell :33

[harrywavycurly]

Anyway we can see Jim and Wayne talking about the whole mess in trouble next door? I love how you write Wayne 🖤

Hiii lovey!! I am so happy you like how I write Wayne, I hope you enjoy this little convo between these two grumpy besties😂💖

-find all things Trouble Next Door here✨

“What are we gonna do about this mess?” “I could arrest them.” “Who?” “Steve and uh…Chrissy? That’s her name right?” “Don’t be a jackass you know that’s her name.” “I could arrest them for…disturbing the peace.” “They haven’t disturbed the damn peace.” “They’ve disturbed my peace…” “You know she loves him.” “She loves who?” “She loves Eddie…” “Well no shit Munson I thought we’ve already been over that?” “Eddie’s loved her for years.” “And yet he let her marry Harrington? Nice.” “He wanted her to be happy.” “Well look how that turned out…” “are you blamin my boy for this?” “No…I’m simply wondering why didn’t he say anything before she married Steve?” “Because…he…he’s a damn idiot.” “No argument here…why do we come here? The coffee fucking sucks.” “It only sucks because you add all that creamy bullshit to it…you think we should tell her how Eddie feels or let him do it?” “Depends…you think he’ll actually do it?” “I think so…eventually.” “We don’t have time for eventually Wayne.” “Oh you so busy now Jimmy boy? You can’t wait and let them two idiots figure their shit out on their own?” “I’m tired of seeing her sad.” “I get it but we should just let them deal with this…we just gotta be there for em when they needs us.” “Fine but I’m still thinking of arresting Harrington…he’s too pretty…it’s not right.” “Drink your coffee you’re not making sense.” “That’s because mornings are for coffee and contemplation not gossiping about our kids and their fucked up love lives.” “Yeah….you’re gonna need a few more cups.”

[sucrealacreme]

Supe Busters - Soldier Boy x female reader

Chapter three

Summary : Vought has many secrets, project W is one of them. What happens when said project turns against them?

I've always hated liars. If used to baffle me how people could lie. A lie could ruin someone planned life, give them an unwanted direction. How could any living and breathing humans do that? Without liars, society would be thriving and jolly and happy like a Christmas song. But, a lie goes a long way, but it never goes as long as the truth. Where the truth will be revealed, the lie will end. So why not just tell what oughts to be told in the future? My mom always told me one thing. Liars will dig and scratch every ounces of love they can get like a dehydrated man in the middle of the desert. While the truth tellers don't have to seek it, since by their truth they shall receive love.

So when I started to suspect Evangeline behavior, it was like a knife to the hearth. Not a well sharpened one. No, one with a rusty, dull and hot blade. A blade so painful it could make Homelander kneel. She was almost like this wise aunt to me. The one you go to when you have problems you cannot find a way out of. Those that will never give you an answer but instead make you think of one. 

Evangeline was one of the community pillar. For crying out loud, she was in charge of it. But I couldn’t be fooled anymore. No, not after what Florence told me.

Flash-back

Florence was roaming around the base, not looking for anything except her own deep thoughts. She was near Evangeline's office when she first heard of her true self. 

“Who am I speaking to?” Florence couldn't help but spy on the conversation. It was too tempting and it couldn't be anything embarrassing knowing Evangeline.

“Oh Miss Garcia what a pleasure, how can I help you” Miss Garcia? Who was that? What's happening??

“You want to discuss an issue with the chips? What issue? Everything seems fine” Alright now Florence was just getting pranked. Chips? As in lays chips? No it couldn't be that. Think Florence think…

“Well if they don't detonate anymore I do not see how it's my problem. After all I can't go around telling everyone they need brain surgery. I mean it could compromise the entire job we've been doing wi- “ Evangeline suddenly stopped talking. 

“I'm going to call you back, I have to take care of something.” Florence hearth stopped. Did she knew she was spying on her? Oh Jesus, she couldn't hide from someone with x-Ray vision. Oh. 

But she could trick them with a little light show. Florence bended and bended the light waves around her so she could blend in with the background. 

“I know you're there. I can not see you nor know who you are but I can feel your presence. I know you heard me so I'm going to tell you what's gonna happen. You'll close your mouth and not utter a single word about this exchange. And if you do voices those things, I will not hesitate in targeting you. Think about it, who would trust a nasty, pale and cheap knock Off of a supe over me, the Guardian of Illusion. Don't make something you'll regret dear.”

Ben entered the warehouse with his usual frowned and grumpy face. He was rarely happy. Always grunting and mumbling old slangs like a caveman. But it was worse this day. For fuck's sake today was supposed to be his day off. His plans were just smoking some green, a couple beers and one or two women in his bed. Fucking dream if you ask him.

But no, Butcher with his cock vacuum “absolutely needed him”. Urgh, what a bunch of pussies. Except the british. No that man wasn't as worse as the cum guzzler. Anyway, he just add to move a door, make a deal and then he could go around fucking women.

Hughie was still hiding when he saw Y/n and Florence enter by another door. Oh fuck Annie would be killing him. Of course that wasn't the fucking door dumbass, he told himself. They're supposed to be hiding of course their door isn’t out for the world to see. Him alongside the two other men slowly got out from underneath the shelves. The door had closed minutes ago with aloud bang and creaks. They should really oil those doors.

Soldier Boy alongside Annie and Kimiko entered the warehouse suddenly, scaring Hughie to death.

“Alright where's the god damn door” the old man asked, a joint at his mouth.

“Well we thought it was that one but now-” Hughie was suddenly interrupted by the sound of a door opening.

“Are you sure of what you heard? I mean maybe they really were talking about potato chips and not electric-” Y/n widened her eyes in disbelief.

“What- Oh my fucking god.”

“Ah bloody hell…” Butcher hated the whole world at that moment. Hughie, M.M, Annie, everyone really. 

“Now who the hell are you?” Y/n was starting to sweat and apparently she wasn't the only one. The french one who seemed to be a hybrid between a human and a meerkat. God he reaked. Could probably empty out a whole stadium with that thing jesus. It seemed like she made a face when she looked at him because now he took a step forward.

“Tu regardes quoi saloperie” he said with an offended face. Oh he thinks he’s the only one who speaks french?

“Toi sale batard qui d’autre” Y/n was now taking a step forward too, ready to attack incase he acts like well, a meerkat.

“Hey Frenchie back off, we're here to make a deal not a fight” he must be the voice of reason in their team. Wait hold on was that Soldier Boy?

“You're lucky he's here” Frenchie turned around going next to Kimiko again. But you were concentrated on looking at what seemed to be Soldier Boy holy shit.

“Yeah you go do that sweety pie, now what are you doing here.” Florence was starting to get frustrated too but you holy cow you had the guy you’ve been looking for for a whole week right there! You should just lounge at him or something.

“Well hello to you too sweetheart, we’re here to make a deal with you lots”  Did they have every nationalities in that team or? I mean, there was more diversity in them than in the Seven. But still, if you could just fry the V in Soldier Boy that would be-

“Don’t even think about it” Florence whispered before taking walking towards them.

“Now, what kind of deal are we talking about?”

Meanwhile at Vought’s, a red haired woman was walking fast in her heels to a meeting she had with Homelander. She finally found a place where the villain might be hiding. It wasn't easy to find, but with the help of crimes analytics and a few connections she managed too.

 Oh how excited she was. She was able to get her hands on some compound V. She would inject herself with it, then flee the country and all of that would be behind her. She would finally be able to live the life she always wanted. Would she go to Italy? Oooh maybe Switzerland! There weren’t any supes there and she heard that Vought had yet to get their hands on them. That would be perfect.

Ashley’s heel clicked every step she took. Head held high, files tucked in her arms, she was ready to do this.

Butcher was baffled on how well organised those people were. The cave was reinforced with strong metals to ensure its residents security. But to get there, they first had to go through sewers. Not a bad idea, no one wants to live in sewers after all, so no squatters and no spies. What a dream.

“OK so we’ll go in my quarters to discuss since well, things are happening everywhere else” Y/n announced with a little nervous laugh. God she was so fucked, not only did she learned that Evangeline was maybe the reason behind why people were fainting left and right but she also had to deal with this shit. Urgh, she couldn’t wait for her day off.

Arrived at her apartments, Y/n led the group to a small wooden table. Everyone sat down on the creaky old chairs. She got all of her furnitures herself. She was just too lazy to repare them at the moment. She was able to get Nessira to make a comfortable sofa made out of leaves and wood. God she loved nature, she was often sad she couldn't control it. It was just too complex. The formulas were by the hundreds and contained thousands of atoms. Kinda hard to control that.

“Alright so, tell us about your deal” Florence demanded. Her patience was being stretched thin and she hated that. She wasn't impatient, no don't get confused, she just wasn't someone that liked to lose time in things like that. She liked going straight to the point.

“OK so, we’re a group of people that went the same thing as you- What do you call yourself again-

“Supe Busters.” both women responded a little too excited about their wordplay. That was a clever name and no one could convince them otherwise.

“Yeah Supe Busters, we're like you except we don't have the same abilities as you. Wich makes our jobs ten times harder. So we were wondering if we could, you know form an alliance? Just to get rid of some supes tho, after that we're good. “

“And what happens if we refuse?” Florence said with a frown. She couldn't see what they, Supe Busters, could get out of this? 

“Well, not much. Except maybe the fact you'd be on our bad side now” The blonde woman was now talking. Y/n recognized her.

“Aren’t you Starlight? I heard that you trafficked kids…” Florence was wayyy too agaisnt the idea of working with her.

“Girl those are false allegations” Y/n was trying really hard not to laugh while saying this.

“How do you know? From what we know supes ain't saints..”

“Cause Vought made those rumours up. They saw an enemy they wanted to get rid of, that simple. Apparently it worked cause there are still some dumbasses like you that believe it uh”

Florence was now thinking of it and it was in fact Vought who started those things. Guess Y/n is right…

“what about the deal?” said M.M getting impatient too in front of those women. Unprofessional women at that.

“Oh yeah, I’m not agaisn’t it. Are you?” It was now the atom controller's turn to ask questions.

“Yeah, ok I’m in it too. We’re in.”

“Ashley, right in time it seems” Ashley was scared of Homelander. And he knew that. He was bathed in joy at the fact if anything. He relished at the fear people had of him. He felt superior to them at those moments, like a better specie, a God…

“Yes sir, sorry sir. Uhm, me and my team found where this person might be hiding.” Shaking like a leaf she handed him the files. Files that he threw at the table like it wasn't hours of intense research.

“I don't want to read it, I want to hear it. Now. Ashley.” His eyes started to have their menacing red glow. Oh how Ashley hated him, he could feel it. He loved observing people. It helped feel more, normal. Like he hadn't lived through reckless torture for years and years and years and years and y-

“O-Of course sir. We have found out that they might be hiding in the Flat Iron Building-” Ashley was once again cut off by Homelander's hand around her throat. He squeezed and squeezed, his gloves squeaking under the pressure.

“Hmm, Ashley tell me please. Did I or did I not tell you that I needed a suspect?” he asked calmly, squeezing a little less for her to speak.

“Yes sir you did” Ashley voice was shocked by the lack of air.

“And you want to tell me WHY THE HELL I GET A PLACE INSTEAD OF A PERSON?” He was now screaming in the red haired woman’s face. Little droplets of spit landed on her face. He suddenly released his grip on her to put his face between his hands, exasperated by her lack of competence. Ashley was now at the floor breathing like a fish out of the sea. She could feel her throat get more and more sore by the seconds, while her lungs were wheezing.

“Get out of here I'll send a team of agents there since you all want to act like clowns.”

A/n : Again for a part four I need 10 notes in order to be sure I'm not writing to no one😊 If you have any suggestions, again feel free to say them

@demodemo909

@weaponxgames

[fuck-customers]

Guess who got radicalized at her Malwart job today?! This girl. ✋(Sorry this is kinda long, tw transphobia?)

I am a cis girl, but I kinda look like a dude. I'm fat but practically flat chested, I don't wear makeup, and when I wear my long hair up I get called dude and sir a lot. It doesn't really bother me, and most people realize their mistake when they hear my voice or notice my long hair (why long hair=automatic girl idk, but whatever). Even my name could be a boy or a girl's, so it doesn't help people's confusion.

I'm a cart returner at Malwart. The other day I had to go to the bathroom, and rather than walk through the whole store to the employee restrooms in the back, I just used the ones near the entrance. No one was inside when I came in, so I went in a stall and did my business. Even sat on my phone watching videos and playing games for a while because fuck the corporate overlords. While I was in there, I heard a mom and a kid come in. Mom was struggling to help them pull their pants down and go potty, kid was fussing and probably in need of a nap. I don't think anything of it and kept playing games on my phone till I got bored and finished up.

When I left the stall mom and kid were at the sink, and mom whipped her head around to look at me like I had just jumped out and yelled BOO! Whatever, I assume she just didn't know anyone else was in there with her. I give her a smile and go wash my hands. "Excuse me," I hear her say to my left. Again, I don't think anything of this, I just assume she's talking to the kid. I dry my hands and leave. "Ex-CUSE me!" I hear behind me as I leave. I turn around and she's followed me out of the bathroom, tugging the grumpy kid along.

Her: Why were you in the ladies restroom?

Me, confused: Pardon?

Her: You were in the LADIES room!

Me, still confused: ...Yes?

Her: The MENS room is RIGHT THERE!

Me, having a realization: Ma'am what are you implying?

Her: Don't play dumb with me! You were in there with me and my CHILD!

Me: Yes, I was PEEING.

Her: In the WOMENS room! You're DISGUSTING!

She's shouting and people are staring at this point, and a member of asset protection (security basically) comes over. Unfortunately, I still look like a dude, and I don't know this particular coworker.

Security: Is there a problem ma'am?

Her: This MAN was just in the ladies room with me and my CHILD! I didn't know Malwart employed GROOMERS.

Me: Holy shit I was in a STALL and I left as soon as-

Security: Why didn't you go to the employee bathroom?

Me: It's at the back of the store!

Security: Well, I'm just saying, people like you should know you make people uncomfortable.

Me: I'M making people uncomfortable?! And SHE came in after ME! I didn't FOLLOW HER in there!

This went on for a few more minutes till security called for a manager to deal with ME, because I was the problem apparently. Thankfully the manager did know me, and helpfully informed them "She's a woman and she's worked here for 8 years you idiot." The security guy ran off with his tail between his legs and the manager let me go back to my job while she tried to calm down the lady.

Later that same manager came to me and said "Why didn't you just tell her you're a woman?" and I said "Would that have mattered to her? She would have assumed I meant I'm a transwoman anyway. Her mind was made up about me," and the manager just shook her head and said "You just made the whole situation worse"

I made the situation worse. I was harassed just because of what I look like, and I made the situation worse. I gotta admit I used to be pretty "well I can understand why some people would be uncomfortable" about trans people, but now? Fuck transphobes. Fuck ANYONE who would treat someone like shit just because of what they look like.

@staff I HATE the new text editor!

[ticklishfiend]

Love Language (My Hero Academia)

Ship : Switch!Bakugou, Switch!Deku (BakuDeku)

A/N : sorry if there’s any mistakes, the tumblr app is a bitch and i am so tired of using this platform! sorry for the cynicism, just tired. hope you guys enjoy!! i’ve been wanting to write for bkdk forever so this was fun :)

Summary : Bakugou's keeping a secret. Deku is very eager to figure out what exactly he's hiding, and this leads to some...playful antics.

Word Count : 3994

REBLOGS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED! LOVE U ALL MWAH <3

. . .

Deku had put some real thought behind what his and Kacchan’s love language together would be. He felt every relationship had one that stood out above the rest, whether it be words of affirmation and adoration for one another, or simple physical touch that lingered so one could be as close as possible to the other they love. 

But if he had to choose a word, just one word to describe the love language he and Kacchan shared together, the answer he finds in his vocabulary sticks out like a sore thumb:

Bickering.

“Kacchan, I already told you there isn’t another day we can go. I’m either babysitting Eri or training with All Might every other day; it has to be Tuesday.”

“Fucking reschedule then, nerd. I’ve got plans on Tuesday, and I know damn well I’m not rescheduling,” Kacchan lounged against Deku’s bed, sprawled lazily as he scrolled through his phone and argued like it was clockwork. Because really, it was. 

“I can’t just reschedule, you know that! What’s so important about Tuesday anyway? Got a hot date you care to clue me in on?”

“Oh yeah, super hot. Way outta your league, don’t bother asking,” the smirk on Kacchan’s face made Deku smile at the corners of his mouth before immediately pulling his face back into a pout-like scowl. 

“I’m serious, Kacchan, why not Tuesday?”

“Because I said so.”

“Stop being so stubborn.”

“Stop being so annoying.”

“I’m not annoying, I’m persistent.”

“Persistent on annoying the shit out of me.”

Deku sighed frustratedly, finally shutting the laptop on his desk and swiveling the chair around to face his incredibly hard-headed boyfriend, who was still looking at his phone.

He stared at Kacchan for a good moment before the blonde gave in and looked back at him. The blonde kept his eyebrows up and lips pressed, like he was pretending to care about the conversation. He did care, but it’s fun to tease Deku and get him all huffy like he is now.

“Yes, your majesty?”

Deku groaned, but he felt his face getting just slightly warmer at the teasing remark. He said nothing in response, just continuing to stare Kacchan down like his eyes had hidden lie detectors installed in the retinas.

Finally, Kacchan huffed, his face relaxing from the teasing one he held back into that infamous grumpy expression, returning his glare to the phone in his hand, totally uninterested. Totally.

“Look, I’ve got shit to do that day, alright?”

“Like what? Why can’t you tell me what it is?”

“Because I just can’t, okay?! Not a big fucking deal..” Kacchan continued with a mumble of feign annoyance, “You’ll figure out what it is later anyways.”

Ohh. Okay then. So it’s a secret for Deku, not from him. Interesting. Very interesting.

Deku sat in thought, allowing an almost tense silence to fill the room. His glare remained aimed at Kacchan, finger curled against his chin that tilted down as he pondered. It was an expression Deku wore quite often when thinking. Every couple of seconds Kacchan spared him a glance, before clicking his tongue like he was irritated at the cogs turning in Deku’s head. 

Finally, Deku stood, sauntering over to the bed innocently enough. He peeked down at Kacchan with a sweet smile, the blonde finally peering above his phone and grimacing at the look.

“Why are you lookin’ at me like that?” He grumbled.

“So what’s this about Tuesday?”

“Oh my god are you still on that shit? I said you’ll find out soon enough so just drop it-- hey-! Gah whAt the-! S-stop, dohon’t you-- shihit stop!”

That was another thing Deku could probably count as one of their love languages: tickling. Whether to settle a dumb argument, win against the other in a spar, or just to hear some cute giggles whenever they felt in the mood, somehow tickling was always brought back up in their relationship like they were rekindling the childhood they fucked up for each other.

Neither one of them minded it. In fact, they both thoroughly enjoyed the activity when it was with one another. But one was definitely more keen on admitting that fact than the other would ever dare.

Deku’s smile was innocent and sweet; the fingers curling into Kacchan’s lower ribs, pinching the sensitive bundle of nerves that left his boyfriend near thrashing through choked-back laughs, were much less so.

Kacchan growled through restrained giggles, trying hard to fight back against the silly sensations that forced his body to curl around his evil boyfriend’s fingers and his belly to bounce in giggles so unlike him.

“Q-quihit! I swear I’ll- gggrraahaha nohoho!” His feet kicked out against the mattress, ruining the well-made comforter just so he could relieve himself from all the pent-up ticklish energy coursing through him. He tried pushing away Deku’s hands, but even when he managed to move them away from one spot, like his belly, they always found another that somehow felt more ticklish than the last, like his fucking ribs. “I swehehear! GAhaAHAHahah Deheheku!”

“You swear what? Sorry, I can’t understand you, you’ll what now? Hm? What are you gonna do, Kacchan?” Deku teased, delighting in the squeal and curses against his life he got in return. “Oh, I know what you’ll do! How about you tell me what you’re gonna be up to on Tuesday? Hm? How’s that sound, Kacchan?”

The blonde just shook his head defiantly, if not to also hide his flushed face in his pillow as much as he could. 

Why did he always feel like this every time that nerd tickled him. It was so fucking stupid, immature as anything. Tickling isn’t that bad, it shouldn’t take much for Bakugou to fight back and claim victory like he did with everything else.

If it was anyone else tickling him, he’d still be holding back well by now. Sure, it’d probably tickle just the same, maybe less. But he’d be able to hold off his laughter, fight back harder, do fucking anything other than curling up into a squirming ball of growling giggles and just let it happen—like he was doing right now. 

There was just something about the way Deku in particular tickled him that always made his face flame, made his brain short-circuit into nothing more than giddy mush. It just felt different. More intimate, maybe. Deku knows the ins and outs of Bakugou’s entire being, has analyzed him since the day they met, and yet still somehow the bastard manages to find out new things about him nearly every day. Deku knows exactly how to tickle him, and this makes him vulnerable. That knowledge makes the fingers squishing into his belly tickle just so much worse than they would with anyone else. 

Bakugou can't stand it. He can't take it. 

And yet he fucking does. 

“C’mooooon Kacchan! I know you wanna tell me! Tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me-”

“STOHOHOPP! You ahahasshohole! Fuhuhuck ahahaha-!” Bakugou was going to die like this. Face red like a cherry, squirming away from his boyfriend’s fingers that always found a new spot to torment no matter his struggle, those stupid fucking butterflies filling his belly and making him feel all—

NO. No. He doesn’t like this. This is torture, an interrogation tactic—and a childish one at that. He is fine, he will persevere, he can fucking handle a little-

“WAHAHAIT NOHOhohoho! Nononohohoho you fuhuhucker!” Through his struggle Deku managed to sit on his waist, pinning his body to the bed and leaving him even more helpless than before. He even zeroed in on that disgustingly ticklish spot on his upper ribs, the one he just loved to remind Kacchan of endlessly.  The blonde glued his elbows to his sides like it would do anything but trap Deku’s stupid skilled fingers to that one horribly ticklish spot. 

Bakugou tried spitting curses at Deku through his cackles, but the words always dissolved into hysterical giggles that that green-headed fucker just chuckled at in response.

“You’re so cuuuute! It tickles, doesn’t it? Does it tickle? Does thiiiis tickle?” Deku pinched faster at that dastardly little spot, Kacchan throwing his head back in giggly anguish. The blonde shook his head yet again, squeezing his eyes shut tight so he didn’t have to look at that sickly sweet expression on his evil tormentor's face.

“Yohohou-! You cahahan’t! You cahahan’t juuhust-!” He yet again lost his words to wheezes and unstoppable giggles, kicking hard against the mattress in flustered frustration.

“I can’t? Oh, but I can! I can do whatever I want, Kacchan, and you can’t do anything about it. All you have to do is tell me what you’re gonna be up to on our date night and then I might let you go!”

Bakugou gave him a wide-eyed intimidation stare, though the effect was lost on his cackling smile and scrunched-up nose. “Mihihight!?”

“Well yeah, I love your laugh~! I only get to hear it so often cause you’re this ticklish,” Deku chuckled, now poking sporadically all over his boyfriend's sensitive ribs and making the blonde throw his head back in a giggle fit. “Tickling you is just so fun, Kacchan, you know it’s hard for me to stop sometimes,” he stated it like a clear fact Bakugou should already be aware of. Even worse is that Bakugou was indeed very aware of how much fun Deku found tickling him to be, and it made his body feel torn between squirming away from him entirely to escape that horribly funny feeling, and just sitting perfectly still (or, at least, as still as one could be while being tickled) and letting his mean boyfriend have his fun. He shouldn’t be thinking like that, Deku is having his fun by torturing the living daylights out of him, but Bakugou’s come to find such a soft spot in himself for that little fucker, one that wants to let him do whatever he wants just to make the boy happy— unluckily for him, this soft spot just happens to be insanely fucking ticklish, and Deku has all intentions to exploit the hell out of it.

“I don’t cahahare! It’s nohohot—! Ahahaha shihit—!” Kacchan wheezed, fists gripping onto Dekus wrists like a lifeline. He pushed, he shoved, made a whole show about trying to get away.

And yet? There he lies; still giggling, still tickled.

Deku chuckled, giving sweet pinches to Kacchans hips and thriving in the loud, giggly whine his action brought. “You can’t even talk now~,” he keened, bringing his face so fucking close to Bakugou’s own that the blonde was almost worried he’d be able to feel the warmth radiating off his flushed face. “I’ve got youuuu~!”

Bakugou wailed through a desperate cackle. He hated that, the stupid teasy shit Deku always pulled when he had him like this. It was so mean, made him feel so damn vulnerable, why the hell is his heart pounding so fucking hard. 

“Nohoho! Nononohoho—!” It was all he could say, his only counter to Deku’s malicious attack. He can’t give in though, can’t let that bastard get what he wants out of him. He has to stay strong. 

“No? Aww, but why? I just wanna know about your fun little plans!” Deku scribbled up Kacchan’s sides, his fingers walking a dark path back up to the blonde’s worst spot. Kacchan jerked to the side, held his arms so tight against himself while still trying to maintain the grasp he had against his boyfriend’s weapons of mass destruction. He knew it was no use, they’d played this game so many times by now he knew his fate was sealed, but he had to try damnit. 

“I wohohon’t! It’s a fuhucking secrehehet you bihihitch!” 

“Always so rude to me, Kacchan. What did I ever do to you, huh?” Deku said with an all-knowing grin, tilting his head like an innocent and curious puppy. That mean fucking bastard.

“Thihihis!! You’re fuhuhcking evihihil—!” Bakugou was having a hard time breathing now, his only source of oxygen being through hysterical giggling. Deku sighed with a tut, removing his fingers from the dip of Kacchans hips and placing them on his chest. He pressed down firmly, like to assert they were not yet finished here. Bakugou groaned through the giggly breaths he took thanks to his little break. 

“I’m not evil, Kacchan. I’m persistent,” Deku smiled at his boyfriend's scoff. “We can be done here, y'know. No more tickling if you just tell me.”

Bakugou glared up at Deku, finally willing down his blush so he could actually assert himself here. 

“I don’t care about the tickling. I’m not fucking talking. It’s not for you to know, not yet at least,” He smirked, placing a hand over the ones pressed against his chest. “Can’t keep your hands off me long, huh?”

Deku pouted, mad that Kacchan was trying to dominate the situation again like he always does. But no, no he’s not in charge here, not yet at least. Deku still has some answers he’s looking for. 

“At least tell me why you can’t tell me.”

Bakugou blinked. He glared at Deku with an incredulous look, one that said “you’re fucking joking, right?”, and when he saw that look of pure seriousness on his boyfriends face, he just couldn’t help it. Bakugou slammed a hand over his mouth as he cackled at his boyfriend’s way with words. 

He laughed through a muffled palm, “You’re so fuhucking stupihid!” Bakugou cackled, his free hand squeezing Deku’s on his chest to assure his words were lighthearted. “‘Tell me why you can’t tell me—,’ that’s fucking telling you, you dumbass!”

Deku scowled at his boyfriend's hysterics, much less amused by this form of laughter than the kind he brought out himself. 

“I’m serious! Why can’t you tell me?”

“I did tell you, it’s a secret.”

“But what kind of secret? A gift? A party? Be more specific.”

“No, cause then you’ll fucking figure it out, you dunce.”

Deku dropped his face. “You’re just asking for it, aren’t you?”

“I’m not asking for shit! If I’m asking you anything it’s that you leave it fucking be.”

“But Kachaaaaan…”

Oh there he goes, whining and pulling that stupid puppy dog look again. That adorable little idiot just always gets what he wants, it’s not fucking fair. But not this time, oh no. Bakugou stayed strong, holding his own, refusing to give the little manipulator what he wants. Because if he did, it would ruin the fucking surprise. 

Deku’s birthday is next month, he’s turning the big one-eight. Bakugou had been preparing his present for weeks now, counting down the days and scheduling the purchase perfectly so nothing could go wrong. But, the only day he could line up to buy the limited-edition All Might plush that had been recalled when they were kids for whatever reason, was Tuesday. 

Deku had one when they were little, but through a tussle between the two boys (one that Bakugou knows he started and to this day feels terrible over), it had been torn and ruined in the mud of their local playground. Deku’s mom had tried everything to fix it before eventually just trying to buy a new one, but again, the damn thing had been fucking recalled, so it was nowhere.

Bakugou still has memories of Deku bawling his eyes out over the thing, sleepless nights from not being able to cuddle his favorite plush like a security blanket. Bakugou feels, and even back then felt, fucking horrible over it. 

So, when he found one for sale online a few months ago, one that was in mint-fucking-condition, he knew that was it. That plushie was exactly what Deku would get from him on his birthday into adulthood. 

Thing was, buying the damn thing was looking to be a real fucking inconvenience at the moment. He was able to talk to the seller, get to a nice price they were both happy with (well, happy was an overstatement; how in the hell could a stuffed doll be so fucking expensive?!), and agree on a time to meet up and exchange. But it had to be Tuesday. This Tuesday. No other day, the seller told him, cause if he was late he’d give it to the next seller who was just as eager to buy. 

And so, here he lies, entirely unwilling to fess up with an actual monster on his waist trying it’s damndest to get him to talk. But Deku had his fun, Bakugou at least gave him that. Now he thinks it’s about time a certain monster learned what the consequences of pestering his very nice and loving boyfriend are.

“Quit your whining, idiot,” Bakugou grinned before quickly gripping at Deku’s waist, careful not to tickle yet, but enough to make sure the boy knew it was a threat. “You think you’re just gonna get away with that little stunt?”

Deku gasped with a wobbly smile, his hands shooting to Kacchan’s wrists with an all-too-excited pleading look. “N-no, I just--”

“You just what? Just thought you could tickle all the answers out of me like it’s easy? Ohoho, I’ll show you what’s really easy--” Bakugou chuckled before delivering quick yet gentle squeezes to Deku’s hips, the boy already folding forward in embarrassed, giggly huffs, his head shaking ‘no’ all the while. “--What’s easy is making you fall apart right at the seams, you ticklish idiot.”

In one quick move, Bakugou had their positions flipped, Deku on his back with his legs wrapped around Bakugou’s waist and the blonde’s fingers pinching quick and mercilessly right at that little spot he knows Deku just can’t stand.

Deku squealed and shrieked through giggles, legs kicking beside his boyfriend’s waist and hands pushing not hard enough at Bakugou’s wrists. His hair was already tussled from shaking his head, face flushed and scrunched in ticklish anguish.

“Ahahaha!! Nohot fahahair!” He whined through his cackles, body twisting with a giggly shout when one hand moved to pinch up and down his right side.

“Oh, it’s not so fair when it’s you getting the tickle punishment then, is it? My my, what double standards you have there, Deku,” Bakugou couldn’t help the wide grin on his face. Seeing Deku like this is just always too damn cute. He looks a mess in the best way possible, shrieking pleas and apologies through hysterical giggles. Bakugou wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I’m sohohorryyy!! I wahas just--AH! AHAHahaha juhuhust chuhurious! Kahachhaan plehehease-!” Deku pleaded, trying to look his boyfriend in the eye but failing miserably when the tickling just made his eyes scrunch right back up in laughter.

“Yeah well curiosity sure killed the cat here, didn’t it?” Bakugou moved his hands to pinch at the thighs so readily available to him next to his own sides, leaving Deku to arch off the bed with a loud, desperate squeal. He tried slapping at Bakugou's hands, now too far away to get a firm grip on them, but his fight was futile. Deku was sentenced to a tickled silly death. He wrapped his arms around his torso and cackled helplessly, squirming around like it would do a thing.

“You givin’ up? Just gonna sit there and let me tickle you silly, Deku? You’re fuckin’ hopeless,” Bakugou chuckled, delighted in the blush Deku now tried to cover up with his right hand. “Do you apologize for being a pest?”

“YEHEHES! I’m sohohorryy! So sohohorry, Kachahahaha--! Ahahaha nohoho-! Pleheheehehe-!”

“Yeah, I didn’t quite catch that,” Bakugou brought his face down towards Deku’s own, the boy’s cackles so loud it almost hurt his ears. He grinned maliciously, “Can’t really understand you when, y’know, you can’t even talk~,” Oh how he loved to use Deku’s own words against him. It always made him scream so deliciously.

Hm. Bakugou was quite close to Deku’s face at the moment. His cute, red, smiley little face. Bakugou’s eyes scanned down from the boy’s cheeks, to jaw, to neck. Hm. Hmm.

Bakugou switched up his tickle tactic just a tad, from digging into Deku’s thighs to just tickling softly over the skin (much thanks to the boy’s athletic shorts he always wore for comfort). At this, Deku kicked hard against the sheets, letting out a half-screech half-whine through his bubbly giggles. Bakugou grinned at the change of pace before dipping down right into the crook of Deku’s neck and nibbling.

Deku screamed. His hands pushed against Bakugou’s hair, not enough to pull but enough to make it a mess. Bakugou growled into his neck at that, making him squeak so preciously. 

“Little stuck, huh?”

“Nohohoho! Nohoho yohohou-! Thihhiss ihihis-! AHAHAHA-!! Tihihickles!” His voice was so high-pitched now, the tickling at his neck making it impossible to lower it for his own dignity. 

“Yeah? Tickles?” Bakugou whispered right into the shell of Deku’s ear, the tickled boy shaking his head with a squeal like it would do anything but make Kacchan’s hair tickle at his nose.

“Okahahahay! Okahahay, Kachahahan!” he shoved at Bakugou’s shoulders while his own bounced in giggly mirth. He knew his face had to be bright red at this point, he could feel the heat spreading everywhere, god he felt so warm. Kacchan’s face, his lips, against his neck and ears were too much, too vulnerable, too ticklish. The way his chapped lips grazed the skin as his teeth worked oh-too gently to nibble away at every fiber of his sanity was making him lose his mind. Not to mention he was still tickling his fucking thighs. Kacchan rarely tickled him so gently, it was so out of character for the boy, and yet here he was, tearing Deku apart by the seams just like he said he would with the softest and meanest of tickles Deku could’ve ever imagined.

“You sorry yet~?” Bakugou whispered yet again, smiling into the skin when he heard Deku’s laughter start going silent, every few seconds a wheeze or hysterical giggle slipping its way through before delving right back into silent delirium. 

Finally, Deku got the breath to barely giggle out, “Y-yehehes! S-sohohorry! Kahahahahaha-!”

With a kiss at the shell of Deku’s red little ear (oh it was so warm, how delightful), Bakugou pulled away, the boy left panting through giggles on his lap. Fuck, he looks so cute like that. Bright pink and wrecked, breathing hard while still unable to control the titters of leftover sensations crawling over his neck and thighs. 

Deku seemed to have forgotten what this was all about, just looking up at Kacchan and throwing his arms over his face with embarrassed giggles. Bakugou chuckled, giving a slap to the side of Deku’s thigh and making him squeak.

“You’re gonna love it, though. Even if I can’t tell you what it is, I’ll at least let your nosy ass know it’s something good,” Bakugou gave a small smile, eyes hooded in adoration.

Deku brought his arms down to his chest so he could look properly at his boyfriend, smiling wide when he saw how Kacchan was looking at him. 

“Hope it was worth it,” he giggled before propping himself up and puckering his lips out for Kacchan to take the chance. Bakugou just rolled his eyes fondly before giving in and kissing his boyfriend softly, hand on his cheek.

A month passed, and Deku did indeed adore his gift. Tears were shed (all on Deku’s part of course, Bakugou just chuckled at his boyfriend’s sensitivity like he always did), and that night Deku had two things he could cuddle and snuggle himself to sleep with.

Maybe they had three love languages, Deku thought as he drifted off, cuddled against the soft plush he forgot he missed so much and the warm arms wrapped protectively around his waist. Bickering, check. Tickling, double check. Gift-giving? Most definitely a triple check in Deku’s books. He gave the plush a tight squeeze as he finally dozed off with a smile.

. . .

A/N : i hope yall enjoyed! it's currently 4:30am and i've got class in the morning and work in the afternoon so i should rlly get to sleep lmaoo. this jsut took way longer to post thanks to tumblr dot com being the worst platform in the world! hope yall have a great day, love u guys!! <;33

[monstersinthecosmos]

please make longform sheith posts on tumblr 😭😭😭 (if you so wish ofc)

hjaklgd I hung onto this ask because I was waiting for the right time to talk about Sheith and I got such an insightful comment on my fic Tonight the Stars Revolt! that I decided I wanted to talk a little meta about the thought process that goes into this fic and so here you are and it's time to utilize this invitation !!!!!!!!!!!!

The comment from DocYo5 as follows:

It feels like reality, the feelings and thoughts Keith has, fitting for someone who had to grow up without close relationships, with Shiro being closest to a family member before he left for Kerberos. Understandable that he's able to open up to him, because he trusts him and somehow understandable that they can have sex together without hard feelings... At least from Keith's point of view. We can only guess how Shiro feels about this, probably more than he lets out. For me it's surprising to have sex with someone repeatedly without considering to love him, to announce it as weird to like him when I think it's much more weird to fuck someone often without love, only to get release. In this fic I think it's possible that it stays that way. So I am curious what you will make of it. The way you put it it would make sense.

So!!!! This is exactly the dynamic that this fic is ABOUT, okay? And while some of this pertains to my fic specifically and the places their relationship goes behind the scenes of canon, I did build it off of canon, so a lot of this speaks to the way I’m reading them on the show.

Since the fic is Keith’s POV we’re spending more time with his interiority, naturally, but I’m going to get to Shiro in a second lol. But I think Keith is someone who really compartmentalizes his feelings. I think he, more than the others on the show, sort of has an ON and OFF switch in which he’s either a grumpy little shit or he’s simply dealing in facts. It’s SO rare to see him smile; I think he laughs, like, once? Even in the shitshow of S8 he can’t enjoy himself on their day off at the carnival.

Compartmentalizing can be a useful tool, especially given that the characters are at war, but it can be so harmful, as well. And Keith, unlike the others, tends to have sort of violent outburst from time to time and does lose his temper. I know the creators one time ascribed this to his being half Galra, which I think really opens a fucking can of worms when we talk about Keith’s emotional intelligence as well as being neurodivergent; it’s a popular fanon read that Keith is autistic, and there’s a lot of clues!, but I also have to ask like, how much of his Galra half is driving in his brain? And if his brain is only half human, that literally means he’s neurodivergent from a typical human.

I strayed from my point a little but I’m trying to say that Keith perhaps relies on anger a little too much, whether it’s genetic or not, and sometimes I think compartmentalizing looks like him being angry all the time because he won’t interact with any of his other feelings.

THE EXCEPTION TO THIS of course, is with Shiro! There are so many moments of him and Shiro where he’s vulnerable and soft in a way he doesn’t show to other characters! And I think it’s easy to overlook this when we watch with shipping goggles—of course we ARE SEEING IT because we’re shipping it lmao but it’s easy to forget that he doesn’t show this to anybody else.

So anyway I’ve been very intentional in this fic to try to write Keith as obsessively compartmentalizing and trying to keep a hold on all of his emotions and have control over the way other people perceive him. I’ve ranted & raved about this before but I read Keith as a person who makes himself deliberately unpleasant so that he can control when people come & go from his life, rather than ever trusting anyone or relying on them or having his feelings hurt when he inevitably gets abandoned again.

I often struggle in this fic with the line between showing and not telling because I am very aware that a lot of the text IS telling, but this is intentional! Keith obsesses over every feeling, every interaction with Shiro, he questions everything he says and does and worries about it for days! This is part of his anxiety around the whole situation and not knowing if he’s behaving correctly! He doesn’t want to compromise his relationship with Shiro, because it’s the ONLY meaningful relationship in his life AND Shiro is the ONLY person he has the stomach to trust, but on top of that he simply does not understand how he’s supposed to act. So every interaction between them is this huge puzzle for him to figure out and he’s stressed out as fuck!

And this fic is about him trying to compartmentalize all these human emotions and needs, like, his need to have sex, his need for companionship, maybe even his need for love? And he has the drive to want these things. (Does his growing and uncontrollable horniness have anything to do with same non-human half that dictates his temper? We shall see. 😏)  But how does he navigate “I am horny and want to get off” vs “I need the companionship of my best friend” alongside “having sex with someone is actually very intimate” and in the end "sexual intimacy makes me uncomfortable because in some ways this thing with Shiro is everything that I want, but if I admit that and lose it I will be destroyed” ?? How can these things coalesce for him???

The idea for this fic was me trying to subvert some tropes I was seeing all the time in Sheith fic and the main one is like, we have a habit of making them such soulmates and making it so seamless! WHICH IS FINE AND GOOD, I LOVE THOSE FICS TOO LOL, but I wanted to ask like, what if it was messy, what if they were just fucking? And I think part of me wanted to keep the illusion going for longer, when I was first planning the fic, and it wound up like growing a life of its own and taking me to a lot of places I didn’t intend to go. And I say that because, where we are right now in the story, I don’t think either of them are denial about their feelings, or withholding on purpose. I think Keith is compartmentalizing, and I tried to get at this a little bit when he has the conversation with Pidge about what love means. He loves Shiro, he already loved Shiro. He will love Shiro regardless, as a friend. And he’s also fucking Shiro. And he’s keeping these two things separate. And I don’t write it as if he’s pining and WANTS more (just yet) as much as he’s just found himself in a tricky emotional space and doesn’t know where his boundaries are.

The complication of the perhaps-alien-half dictating his libido trying to co-pilot with his very human half that is demisexual is a problem, too. Like he asks Pidge in Chapter 8: . “If you love someone as a friend, but you’re fucking them. When does it become, like. I don’t know. Romantic?”

He doesn’t know! We don’t know! Let’s keep going and see what happens lol.

SHIRO ON THE OTHER HAND.

What makes him such a great character (for me lol) is that like, he could so easily be such a 2D character and just, the fearless leader who is always chill and nice to everybody, and we DO get that to an extent, but they were generous in making him so multifaceted. He has PTSD. He struggles with his disability. He even loses his temper sometimes! When he gets back (as Kuron) he has a lil depression cave sesh in his bedroom in his PJs. Like he’s a very well rounded character and it makes him extremely realistic and human to me!

I don’t think it’s as fair to say that he compartmentalizes the way that Keith does, except what we can glean from his canon timeline. Meaning: He fights for the Kerberos mission despite his disability, he makes it up there only to be abducted, he survives the arena, he escapes to lead Voltron. And ALSO him being canonically queer; I think this starts getting into headcanon territory because I don’t think we get any clues in canon that they’re navigating homophobia in their universe, but we absolutely still see ableism and sexism. (Put a pin in the racism conversation as well when it comes to like, alien species and systems of oppression because there’s a lot to unpack and I’m trying to focus LOL.) So like, we do know that their world isn’t perfect, and Shiro is someone who had to work his ass off and fight for his rank and for his career. He’s someone who can put his feelings aside and focus on the task at hand, and we know this because he’s NOT perfect, he does occasionally lose his temper, and he has PTSD!

Basically, I think we have to assume he compartmentalizes to function, because he comes out of a year of INTENSE trauma to immediately lead a team, and lead them with kindness and patience, and the writing tells us that it’s not a matter of him being Perfect Cartoon Man, because he’s not a perfect person and he’s traumatized as fuck.

Because the fic is Keith’s POV I’ve tried to communicate this by Keith noticing that Shiro wears “masks”, or uses different voices. Sometimes it’s even about his clothes, like as they become more intimate and Keith starts seeing more of Shiro’s scars, and how Shiro is self-conscious about them. But it’s also moments like in Chapter 7 when Shiro is crying.

I feel that Keith and Shiro have some like sort of equal-opposite relationships to trauma and grief that balance each other in the end. Like, Keith lost his dad at a young age and had a horrific childhood, but that’s been his reality for most of his life and he’s learned how to carry it day-to-day.  Even though he’s a messier and more immature person, he’s used to shouldering it and it’s sort of baked into his personality at this point. But Shiro’s trauma is SO new. Shiro’s is a ton of shit ALL AT ONCE, vs. Keith’s 10+ years of grief and disappointment, and it’s so recent!  Even though Shiro is, on paper, a more mature and emotionally intelligent person, this is very new to him!

So Shiro in this fic also has some feelings he’s juggling, like, “I am touch starved and have physical needs” and “my mentee grew up kinda hot” and “I have to be very careful with him and his feelings”. He sees Keith for the mess that he is, and he’s patient, and he can wait for Keith, and take Keith’s lead.

I don’t feel that Shiro is pining necessarily, either—I think he’s a lot more grounded and realistic, and their encounters aren’t causing him the same level of anxiety because he can read Keith so clearly, even when Keith can’t read him back. But I think, he is pining a LITTLE lol. I think because he’s smart enough to know where this is heading, and he’s being patient, but he’d speed it along if it were up to him. They’re both so sensitive in different ways and I think they’re both so vulnerable to hurting each other’s feelings!!!! And Shiro is trying so so hard not to crush Keith like a little egg!!!!!!!!!!!

😊

Anyway !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for coming to my lecture! I don’t say this often about my fics because it makes me squeamish but I LOVE this fic, it really is where I put all my Sheith love, and all the thoughtwork I do about them is FOR THIS FIC lol it’s my lovenote to them, I’m putting my whole Sheithussy into it ahskjgdlasd

[gemsofgreece]

“Certain” foreigners: Modern Greeks have nothing in common with Ancient Greeks

Meanwhile, in Iliad, Rhapsody I, with no exaggeration:

Calchas: Look there’s a problem, Apollo is angry and you, Agamemnon, have to give the girl to her father to appease the god

Agamemnon: Who gives a shit about the god, why should only I give my prize back, am I the malakas of the gang or what? If you take her from me, I am gonna do the same to someone else, especially that asshole Achilles who people respect and thus must be destroyed

Achilles: WTF son of a bitch (literally) if you take my prize I ‘d rather see all our people die than help you out

A little later in Iliad, also in Rhapsody I:

Achilles: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

Thetis, jumping out of the sea like Harry Potter from the lake in the Goblet of Fire: WHO HURT YOU MY BOY? TELL MOMMY AND I ‘LL CUT THEIR ASS

Achilles: Mom, Agamemnon showed disrespect to me, please persuade Zeus to start killing all the Greeks for revenge

Thetis: Your request sounds totally reasonable, cutie pie, mommy will try her best

Thetis: *flies to Olympus like Superman*

And immediately after, we’re still in Rhapsody I, can you believe?

Thetis: I helped you once Zeus and now you must help me back, it’s not like I helped you out of my good heart without expecting a future payback

Zeus: can you please get the fuck out before Hera sees me talking to someone without her permission?

Thetis: if you don’t grant my baby boy’s wish you assh-

Zeus: okay so you essentially ask me to take another beating from Hera, that’s good, that’s fine, it’s not like I am dead inside already. This woman is obsessed with me I swear, she always points out how everything I do is a mistake. This marriage has been taking years off of my eternity. Anyway okay, I promise, leave now, and some other religion god help me

Hera: Zeus?

Zeus: *shit, shit, shit* Yes Hera, Goddess of Goddesses, only love of my life?

Hera: Did you do things without asking me again, you sly rat?

Zeus: I AM A MAN AND I AM THE HEAD OF THIS MOUNTAIN AND I WILL DO ANYTHING I WANT. SEE, IT’S YOUR FAULT I CAN’T STAND YOUR GRUMPINESS AND HAVE TO LOOK ELSEWHERE FOR SOME JOY, YOU STIFF SHREW, DON’T MAKE ME COME THERE

Hephaestus: oh Mom don’t get sad, this clown of a father is a well known asshole but the fucker is strong and nobody wants to deal with this, okay? So let’s all eat to the point of death if we were mortals and forget about this

*Everyone laughs at him for being disabled*

*After a fight, abuse threats, child accusing the father for neglect, enough food to kill an army and the mocking of their son’s disability, Zeus and Hera go happily to bed together*

Seriously who needs phylogenetic analysis and comparisons of Greek DNA when there’s Iliad’s Rhapsody I, amirite folks

[fierceawakening]

So, actual question about actual gaslighting:

Mom tells me that my birthday gift is a table from IKEA that she and dad are buying me. I'm happy about this, as I very much do need a table. The one I have is one they were getting rid of when they moved into an apartment more suited to them aging in place, and is a lovely table but is way the fuck too big for my small apartment so I'm happy about this.

We go to IKEA. Somehow they forget that this is an hour each way and everyone is frustrated and annoyed at the trip taking so long so we're all kind of snippy while we're there. Which is maybe not great but I'm just kinda, eh, shit happens, I'm finding a table. Whatever.

TO MY PERCEPTION, my mom has a thing about people getting snippy. She starts to get really nervous and uncomfortable and make a big deal out of it, where I personally would prefer we just all laugh it off. "Oh fuck, we're all tired and cranky and forgot how fucking HUGE an IKEA is. Ow, argh, welcome to the universe, we all want to commit murder now but are too tired, woe is us, ha ha ha." But, again, as I perceive it, this is Not Okay with my mom, who really wants everyone to act happy and grateful all the time. It's TO ME like she can't see grateful if you're not beaming, and it baffles me.

BUT I am not her, and I could be downplaying that I'm curt to the point of mean, so let's presume that I'm terrible and grouchy and should really be less of both given that this is a present for me. Okay. I suck. Let's go.

Well, things get worse. We go to have dinner after, and I say we should wait until we get back to town and know the restaurants, and that while I know she practices intermittent fasting religiously "it's never actually the end of the world to mess up your diet once due to extenuating circumstances, we can push dinnertime to 6:30."

Well she LOSES IT because I called her fasting a diet and we have an argument which culminates in us eating at a terrible Mexican place we all absolutely hate so it won't be 6:30 at which point she absolutely cannot eat.

We're all tired and grumpy and annoyed because that was exhausting They take the table home with them and tell me they'll come back tomorrow (today) to assemble it, and then, since this is about my birthday, we'll go out to lunch for my bday. (I could SWEAR I asked if it was OK that that would take attention away from Mother's Day and she said it's fine, but maybe I don't remember?)

Anyway, we're all still exhausted and kind of annoyed, and now we're assembling furniture. I'm tired and hungry and looking forward to lunch, and from MY PERSPECTIVE I'm still in a bit of a snippy mood but I don't THINK I'm doing anything terrible.

But she gets super upset. Why am I not happy? Why am I not excited? Why did I not immediately mention Mother's Day? And I'm just like oh man can I just focus on putting a table together? And she's like why am I talking in the way I'm talking? MY answer to which is that we're all tired and run down and it's normal, but she doesn't like this.

Finally she tells me that she's not going to go with me to lunch if "I can't behave decently."

I'm hurt about this, but I don't want to promise that I can "behave decently" because I know from experience that trying to mask in front of her makes things worse, not better.

So I say, "You need to make up your own mind. I am not sure I can mask my snippiness until I have eaten and calmed down. If this is a dealbreaker for you, please just drop us off and we'll catch back up with you. If it's not, I'll probably be fine once I've rested and have some food in me."

I feel like this makes sense, and actually even like maybe it would help! I can't vow to never be visibly tired or annoyed, but I can be aware she dislikes it and tell her I'll catch her later when it won't put her on edge.

But her reaction to that is basically that I want license to behave badly, and that I don't care about her enough to "be decent." She goes with us, but the whole time talks about how unfair it is that I be allowed to "not be decent."

I eat the food and enjoy the restaurant, and as I predicted, this helps me to feel calmer and present as less obviously irritated. I am hurt deeply by the "not decent" remark but able to hide those feelings as I'm calmer. Everything is fine. Ish.

...

AITA or is she? I mean, I think she is, but... if I am abusive or cruel and giving myself a pass, I feel like I should know that.

I just... Idk. I don't feel like anyone else does this. Like, friends and loved ones have seen me annoyed. And they don't necessarily like it, but there isn't the same sense that I'm incapable of being decent.

Dafuq do I do about this? I love my mom but I'm so tired of feeling like I can't just... be pissed off, lest it hurt her in some way, when it seems like me being pissed off in front of other people is treated like it's, maybe not perfect, but normal.

[kivaember]

slaps down some Young Jupiter Walt/Mich bc i feel terrible today and am tired. Michigan's getting Walter some pads.

-

"Okay, I'm in the aisle."

"I really don't get why you need me to walk you through this," Walter's grumpy voice grouched over the phone. "Just grab whatever."

Michigan scoffed. Sure, Walter said that, but no doubt he would bitch and moan if Michigan grabbed 'the wrong one' and then send him out again anyways. He wasn't having this be another Ibuprofen incident.

"Walter, you're the pickiest motherfucker on Ganymede," he drawled. "Besides, I've never bought this shit before. I dunno which is good."

As he spoke, he picked up a bright pink pack in soft packaging. On the front it said it had 'wings' as well as a bunch of other commercial nonsense which were no doubt a pack of lies. The only useful thing on it was the water droplet measurement in the corner. This one was for 'light flow'.

"Heavy, wings, preferably night time ones," Walter grunted. His tone was more curt than usual. "Oh, don't get the cheapest ones. They chafe."

"So much for 'grab whatever'," Michigan muttered. He put the packaging back and scanned over the rest. The entire aisle was full of this stuff, brightly coloured and in different packaging and brands. He was feeling overwhelmed and this wasn't even for him!

"Uh... wait, is it tampons or pads you-"

"Pads. You bring back a tampon and I'm stuffing it up your ass."

See. This would've been the Ibuprofen Incident all over again if Michigan hadn't called.

"Y'know, I thought you would've stopped having periods by now," Michigan chatted idly as he picked through the vast amount of selection. "Ain't those hormones of yours supposed to stop all that or whatever?"

"Usually. I'm going to arrange a hysterectomy by next year, so it'll be a non-issue."

Michigan was privately surprised Walter hadn't already had one, considering how he disliked half-assing anything. But, then again, it wasn't as if the working class had easy access to medical care beyond the very basics. Walter was still paying off the top surgery Furlong had arranged for him as part of his recruitment, and they'd definitely overcharged for that.

"You gonna get another loan with Furlong?"

"Yeah. Like you said, I thought I'd naturally stop by now, but this body's a persistant piece of work. I may as well take more permanent steps."

Spoken so clinically and with an edge of irritable dismissiveness, like his body was an obstacle to bully into compliance, rather than it being, y'know, his body. But Walter was a weirdo and not even four years knowing him had Michigan any closer to understanding how he ticked.

"And let me guess... I'm gonna have to be nursemaid while you recover from all that," Michigan drawled. "Have me wait on you hand and foot?"

"No. I'll be fine. There won't be any need for you to-"

"Like hell. I'm not an idiot. Having a whole entire organ taken out of ya isn't something you can just pop painkillers for and carry on as usual."

"It is with strong enough painkillers."

Ibuprofen Incident. "Haha, fuck you. I'll break your damn legs if that's what it'll take to make you rest, you piece of- uh. Ahem."

He cut himself off, seeing a lady in the aisle giving him a rather judgemental glare. He refocused on the pads in front of him, blindly grabbing the closest one. Dark blue with a moon on it, had wings, was for heavy flow. Good enough. If it was cheap and chafed, then fuck it, Walter can deal.

"Not paying attention to your surroundings again, huh, Michigan?"

"And you're still a jack bastard. You've got two perfectly functioning legs, yet here I am, braving the feminine health aisle so you're not leaving a fucking blood trail across the local supermarket like you're Carrie on a grocery run. You should be nice to me."

"I'm always nice to you."

"Not once have I heard a 'thank you, Michigan' for the great sacrifice I'm currently enduring."

"I'm hanging up now."

"Yeah, you do that, ungrateful ass."

"Spoiled brat. Buy me chocolate too."

"You-" Beepbeep. "-hung up. Asshole."

Michigan wasn't bothered though. In fact, he was smiling as he stowed his phone and obligingly veered towards the confectionary aisle. Walter may be a fucking mystery at times, but he wasn't boring and he certainly wasn't afraid of pushing Michigan's buttons. Made him interesting, even if he was downright frustrating at times.

"Masochist, definitely some kind of masochist," Michigan lamented. "Ah well."

After all, if he wanted an easy ride he would be an executive at Furlong, obediently acting the part of his father's snot-nosed protege. Yet here he was, shopping for his asshole of a- whatever Walter was to him. Boyfriend was too juvenile... lover? Too bodice rippery. Partner? Ugh, too corporate.

He pondered this all the way to the till, where the cashier, a young, sporty looking woman, smiled at his purchases and said: "Oh, shopping for your wife, sir?"

Michigan, half-listening and not fully processing the question, said: "Male-wife, actually."

"Oh, uh, I see..."

It was only when Michigan was leaving the supermarket with purchases in hand that he fully processed what he had just said and burst into laughter, startling a few nearby shoppers.

Malewife.

Oh yeah.

Definitely calling Walter that to his face.

[autisticwriterblog]

An Alan/Scratch request for @relika

💛 reunion kiss / relief

How many loops has he gone through? How many times has he walked through Night Springs and fixed things from the past loop and made more progress only to never escape and instead end up back here again? Honestly, Alan stopped counting after the tenth loop. It all just blurs together.

And as each loop goes by, each time Mr. Scratch shows up to taunt him. Alan sees his face on the TVs, hears his voice when he sends enemies after Alan to slow him down. He can’t escape him. The man who wears his face. The man who seems to take a little too much pleasure in fucking with him.

The man he secretly finds kind of handsome. But… Scratch looks just like him. So, doesn’t that make him really narcissistic?

Anyway, he deals with Mr. Scratch’s bullshit during loop after loop after loop, trying to break free but never succeeding. And it never occurs to him that Scratch seems almost… kinder towards him each time they meet again. Or that Alan starts to feel almost relieved to see Scratch’s familiar face when wandering through the confusing landscape of Night Springs.

But it takes something pretty fucking big for him to realise this.

---

Despite knowing what will happen on each loop off by heart, Alan’s fatigue makes him clumsy. So, when the darkness flings a fucking car at him, Alan is too slow to dodge fully, his leg getting struck by the flying object. Metal slams into his ankle, splintering bones as he screams, and the momentum sends Alan flying, sprawling to the ground. And as enemies close in on him, his head smacks against the hard ground, and Alan passes out.

But he doesn’t die and end up back at the start of the loop. Instead, Alan regains consciousness lying on a soft surface, his blurry vision slowly focusing until he recognises his surroundings. A motel room. Just like the ones he has spent so much time exploring for pages and keys. Just like the one in those creepy videos Scratch likes to make.

Wait… Scratch?

Groaning through a wave of dizziness, Alan raises his head. Mr. Scratch sits in a chair on the other side of the room, idly playing with a knife. Alan jumps at the sight of him, sending pain shooting down his broken leg which, now he looks at it, has a makeshift splint strapped to it.

“Looks like Sleeping Beauty’s finally awake,” Scratch says, grinning at him. “There’s no need to look at me like that. If I wanted to kill you, I’d have done it already.”

Alan finds himself agreeing. Scratch has never been one to hesitate when it comes to violence. “So… why am I here?” Alan asks.

“Would you believe me if I said I missed you?”

“No.”

Scratch laughs, tossing his knife into the air before effortlessly catching it by the handle. Standing up, he puts the knife down and crosses the room, perching on the edge of the bed. “You’ll probably think I’m talking out of my ass, but I’ve grown… fond of you, Alan. I like our games of cat and mouse.”

“It’s not a game,” Alan says. “I’m trying to get out of here.”

“Are you? Or are you starting to… like this?” Scratch says, leaning closer, looming over him, his teeth bared in a smile.

Alan flinches. Perhaps it’s the pain scrambling his head, but he rather… enjoys being loomed over by Scratch like this.

“I really did miss you, sweetheart,” Scratch says with a teasing smile, unable to resist putting emphasis on his final word. “And when I saw you again… you were nearly dead. And how could we have fun if you dropped down dead? So… I saved you.”

“Do you expect me to thank you or something?” Alan says. He tries to sit up, but the room spins, and he flops back onto the pillow, sighing.

“Nah, I know there’s no way to force Alan ‘stubborn’ Wake to do anything he doesn’t want to.” Scratch laughs. “Well, I’m right, aren’t I?”

Alan just stares at him, raising his eyebrows. Scratch laughs harder.

“You look so cute when you’re all grumpy, Alan,” Scratch says.

“I’m not fucking cute.”

Scratch leans closer, poking Alan’s cheek like a kid would annoy another child, his tone annoyingly playful as he says, “Are too.”

How is this the same man who made an entire video about his favourite instruments of torture and murder?

“Anyway…” Mr. Scratch says in a sing-song tone. “It’s good to see you again, Alan.”

Well, the feeling isn’t mutual, Alan wants to say. But he bites his tongue. Because, at the end of the day, Scratch did save him, even brought him somewhere comfortable and patched up his wounds. And… he doesn’t especially like to admit it but, well… he does find Scratch attractive…

So, when Scratch does the baffling move of leaning in for a kiss, perhaps that is why Alan doesn’t push him away. He lets Mr. Scratch kiss him, holding back a wince when Scratch immediately nips his lip with his teeth. Because of course he would do that.

Fuck, he feels awful, his head pounding and his leg screaming with pain, but as Scratch kisses him, Alan finds himself able to focus on something other than the pain. So, he kisses Scratch back, although he does find himself wondering where the hell things will go from here.

[saywhatjessie]

Muppets on Ice

Hey what's up I'm doing a writing advent calendar lol. Just writing for whatever fandom or pairing feels right at the moment Using this list. Day 1: Ice Skating. Fandom: Ted Lasso - Pairing: RoyJamieKeeley 1.5k [Ao3]

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Roy said, elbows on his knees as he watched Jamie tie Phoebe’s ice skates. “We’re in the middle of the season. If you fuck yourself out on the ice we’re fucked.”

“Two pounds, Uncle Roy!” Phoebe said brightly.

“Yeah, Uncle Roy,” Jamie said, just as brightly, helping Phoebe to her tottering feet. “You’re worrying too much. I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”

“And you’ll be fine,” Keeley said, bouncing over to Roy. She held up a pair of large men’s skates. “Let’s get you booted up, Royo!”

“No,” Roy said, glaring at their three smiling faces. “That wasn’t part of the deal.”

“But Uncle Roy,” Phoebe whined. “It’s a family skate. We can’t do it without you .”

“Come on, Grandad,” Jamie said, the word too soft now to be an insult. “You ain’t too old to do one lap.”

“s’not gonna be one lap,” Roy argued. “The three of you and your stupid fucking puppy eyes are gonna make me do a hundred laps.”

The three of them and their stupid fucking puppy eyes gazed at him pleadingly.

“No!” Roy said again. “Fuck you all.”

“Roy, come on,” Keeley said, gently chastising. She sat on the bench next to him. “I know you’re scared with your knee but the doctor said some light exercise is good for it.”

Jamie plopped down on his other side, letting his weight crash into Roy. “Ice skating’s way lighter than training me, innit.” He put his arm around Roy’s waist and jostled him a little. “Come on, lad, I ain’t gonna let you fall.”

And then Phoebe jumped up on Roy’s lap, heedless of the fucking knife shoes she was wearing. “ Please Uncle Roy? It can be one of my Hanukkah presents.”

“You know I already got you all your Hanukkah presents, you little gremlin.”

She giggled but threw her arms around his neck and leaned her chin against his chest, looking up at him angelically.

Roy groaned. “You’re all fucking menaces.”

They all cheered, Jamie popping up to grab Phoebe and spin her around.

“Oi! Watch the skates!” Roy shouted. “There’s fucking people!”

Keeley leaned in and placed a hard kiss on his cheek. “My big brave man.”

“Yeah yeah, fuck off,” Roy grumbled, but turned to give her a proper kiss.

She indulged him for a moment, bringing up a hand to cup his chin, before pushing him away. “Right, well I am gonna get little miss Phoebe warmed up on the ice and Jamie is going to help you put your skates on.”

“I don’t need help,” Roy protested, automatically.

“I know, babe.” She patted his knee before getting gracefully to her feet. “Come on, Phoebe, let’s go show these boys how it’s done.”

Phoebe clamored down from Jamie’s arms and reached for Keeley’s hand, pulling her toward the entrance to the rink, leaving Roy to watch after them and sulk.

That is until Jamie plopped down on the ground in front of him and held out his hands. “Right then, lad, give us your foot.”

“I don’t need help,” Roy protested again, keeping his feet firmly on the ground. It’s not that he wanted to put the skates on himself but he would have liked the option.

Jamie rolled his eyes. “Like you wouldn’t have barked at me to help you anyway. Don’t be grumpy because Keeley did it first.”

Roy growled and Jamie stuck his tongue out at him.

Jamie clapped him on the calf, encouragingly. “Come on, mate, I’m already down here.”

Roy sighed, lifting his foot and dropping it in Jamie’s lap.

Jamie grinned, tapping Roy twice on the ankle in praise, before unlacing his boots.

It’s not that they hadn’t done this before. Roy knew Jamie liked to do this kind of stuff for him: liked to take care of him in these simple ways. And it had been hard for Roy at first but now he was happy to let Jamie do it.

It was just here, in public, in front of all these people. It felt far too intimate to let the old woman from down the road see.

That and he really fucking didn’t want to ice skate.

Jamie had already finished taking his first boot off, lining it up neatly next to Phoebe’s boots and his own trainers that were far too impractical for the weather.

“There’s a lad,” Jamie grinned up at him. “You ever been skatin’? You put these on before?”

Roy grunted. “When I was a kid. Before Sunderland. With grandad.”

Jamie’s grin softened. “Ah, well, that’s special, innit?”

Roy snorted. “Yeah, we were both shit. Both city boys at heart, grandad had never been skating either. We didn’t make it two times around the rink before we were packing it in. Grandad bought us hot chocolate.”

“Does that mean you’re buying us hot chocolate?” Jamie asked, smirking.

“Fuck off,” Roy said, smiling back. “Probably.”

Jamie laughed, grabbing Roy’s leg and shoving it unceremoniously into the skate. “Well these are hockey skates, anyway. Probably different from the skates you had as a kid. So you’d have to relearn how to skate in ‘em anyway.”

“Fucking lovely,” Roy said, his teeth clenching turning his smile into a grimace. “I love being bad at shit.”

“S’not like it happens often,” Jamie offered. “Learned to ride a bike quickly enough. How many things are you actually bad at?”

Roy shrugged. “Emotional vulnerability?”

Jamie laughed again, a louder more startled sound. “Fair that. But you’re getting better.” He finished lacing Roy’s skate and tied it off, kissing Roy’s shin above the skate before putting it on the ground. “There we go. Other foot, please.”

Roy grumbled as he placed his other foot in Jamie’s hands but still reached down to affectionately ruffle Jamie’s hair.

“Ay,” Jamie said, knocking his hand away with mock fury. “You know how long this took to do this morning.”

“Yeah, and I was gonna mess it up later anyway,” Roy smirked.

Jamie huffed. “Horny old man. Just because you’re not young and beautiful anymore don’t mean you can sabotage the rest of us.”

“Listen, you’re on your knees in front of me. Fucking up your hair’s like a reflex or something.”

“That is not how you usually fuck up my hair when I’m on my knees.”

Roy waved his hand, “Alright, alright, not in front of the kids.”

“You started it!”

“What are you, five?” Roy wiggled his foot still in Jamie’s hands. “Do my other boot.”

Jamie rolled his eyes. “You’re ridiculous,” he grumbled, but untied Roy’s boot.

This time when Jamie finished tying the skate, he kissed Roy’s knee, rubbing his cheek against it affectionately like he was giving it a pep talk to behave.

Roy snorted softly, but reached down to cup Jamie’s face anyway.

They couldn’t really do more than that out in public, but Roy didn’t think Jamie minded too much. Yeah, Roy had gotten to kiss Keeley, but Jamie had just spent at least five minutes getting to fuss over Roy and touch all over his legs. Roy knew which one Jamie would pick if given the option.

“All right, get up you muppet,” he patted Jamie on the cheek before taking his hand back. “Help grandad to the ice, yeah?”

Jamie grinned, popping to his feet so fast it was like he had springs. Even on skates Jamie was sturdy, hard to tip over. Roy figured he’d probably done a lot of skating as a kid up north in Manchester. He’d have to ask Georgie if she had pictures.

Jamie pulled Roy carefully off the bench, letting Roy figure out his balance on the two thin blades.

“This is terrible,” Roy decided, immediately.

“We ain’t even at the hard part yet!” Jamie protested. “Come on, babe, I ain’t gonna let you fall.

Jamie was true to his word. When they got to the ice, Roy slipped and felt like he might go down but Jamie caught him in both arms and kept him upright. They were still inching away from the entrance when Keeley and Phoebe caught up with them.

Roy had vetoed any instagram posts or TikToks or whatever else Jamie or Keeley might want to post about today because he did not want any photographs or videos of what he was sure was going to be an embarrassing day out for him.

But they were quite the sight, with Keeley skating backwards holding onto his hands, Phoebe behind him pushing his legs, and Jamie at his side, holding most of his weight by his waist.

Several fans and other spectators got pictures. They even shared a video on Sky Sports.

But they looked like a family, just like Phoebe had said. So Roy didn’t really mind.

[chronologicalhomestuck]

karkat pov liveblog: hivebent, part 1

we begin in a lab on a meteor in the furthest ring.

computer enhance.

look at all those little goobers! i am not replaying this whole flash just for this moment but in lieu of that, here's hussie's commentary on the scene from the book, just for a bit of spice.

as far as i can tell, karkat's first chronological appearance in hivebent is 2177.

vriska has just jumped tavros off a cliff, and he chooses to message karkat about it. im not sure what he hoped to get out of this since karkats only reply is characteristically snappy.

we then jump to 2025. karkat is messing around with some .~ATH files. in the middle of examining the mobius double reacharound virus (titled check_thii2_2hiit_out.~ATH), he gets trolled by its author. hello sollux.

CG: SO YOU MADE THIS GAME? TA: no no. TA: more liike ii adapted iit. CG: FROM WHAT. TA: 2ome crazy technology AA dug out of 2ome ruiin2. TA: havent you talked two her about iit? CG: MAN, NO. CG: I CAN'T TALK TO HER, SHE'S SO SPOOKY.

we start talking about the game that will take up the rest of karkats story, and get a hint about this mysterious "AA."

he then hears crabdad complaining, and chooses to put this off...long enough to introduce himself, i guess.

karkat's introduction is 1992, written in a way directly referencing john's introduction.

Earth, also for convenient reference, is a planet that does not yet exist.

see how we are doing this? logical! earth doesnt exist yet, so of course we arent starting with the humans!

homestuck does not want me to read it chronologically. it is doing everything possible to stop me from reading it chronologically.

This game, for convenient reference, is a game that DOES NOT YET EXIST.

please. please let me obey chronology.

Later on, you would swap your modus with your hacker friend, a guy who unlike you happens to be competent with programming. It would only make sense.

i thought i would embark on this quest and find its purpose along my way. that purpose, it seems so far, is to acknowledge just how stupid this chronology is.

It is your sixth wriggling day, and as with all five preceding it blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

yeah i was about to say something like that. that being that i wont have much to say so long as the plot remains linear.

It figures that installing this new beta chat client would open the floodgates

i always forget that trollian was brand new when hivebent starts. i wonder what they used to message each other before then?

speaking of which, his first pesterlog after his introduction is page 2010, with gamzee. its kinda sad how mean karkat is to a lot of his friends tbh.

TC: iSn'T sOmEtHiNg BiG aLl GoInG dOwN? CG: WHAT? TC: i HeArD sOmEtHiNg bIg WaS gOiNg AlL dOwN. TC: JuSt AlL bE tElLiNg Me AlL wHaT mOtHeRfUcKiN iT's Up AnD aLl AbOuT. CG: STOP SAYING ALL. ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT TA'S THING? TC: yEaH!! fUcK yEaH mAn, So MyStErIoUs. TC: I'm NeVeR bEiNg GeTtInG cEaSeD tO bE aMaZeD bY aLl ThEsE fUcKiN mYsTeRiEs LiFe'S gOt FoR uS. CG: UUUUUUGH. CG: ANYWAY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S UP WITH THAT. CG: MAYBE I'LL TALK TO HIM TONIGHT ABOUT IT. MAYBE I WON'T. CG: IT'S PROBABLY JUST ANOTHER ONE OF HIS PROJECTS THAT WINDS UP BEING COMPLETELY USELESS AND A HUGE WASTE OF MY TIME.

(apologies if the text is hard to read on dark mode. i use cyber theme myself and cant see a word gamzee says here)

according to the pov cam, the next page karkat is on chronologically is 2058. the great team divide / team leader argument of hivebent has officially begun, with karkat and terezi. and in the end, it wont even matter at all. lmao.

CG: OK WELL CG: SPEAKING OF THAT CG: I SHOULD GO DOWNSTAIRS AND DEAL WITH THIS GRUMPY CUSTOMER. CG: IT'S GOING TO FONDLE MAJOR SEEDFLAP, BUT HOPEFULLY IT'LL BE QUICK. CG: YOU CAN ESTABLISH YOUR CONNECTION AND DO YOUR TRIVIAL SIDEKICK STUFF I GUESS IN THE MEANTIME. GC: OK! >:D

and apparently karkat intends to deal with his quite grumpy crabdad at the end of this conversation.

but then his computer explodes.

interesting. sburb equipment already? i suppose he was right:

CG: TEREZI AND I HAVE ALREADY ESTABLISHED A CONNECTION AND WE ARE MAKING GREAT PROGRESS HERE. CG: WE ARE A GREAT TEAM, AND I AM A FANTASTIC LEADER.

welp. guess he didnt have to deal with him after all. although the drawing on the fridge is very cute.

terezi has continued to make progress on his hive...

and he gets his new weapon...

only to find his toilet detached from its fixings.

GC: 1M YOUR S3RV3R PL4Y3R SO PR1OR1TY H4S TO B3 ON M3 G3TT1NG 1N TH3 G4M3 GC: B3FOR3 1 G3T K1LL3D BY M3T3ORS GC: 1N WH1CH C4S3 YOUD B3 SCR3W3D 1N TH3R3 GC: TH3N TH3 N3XT GUY COM3S 1N, TH3N TH3 N3XT GC: 4ND YOU BR1NG TH3 L4ST ON3 1N CG: WHOA WAIT, WHAT? CG: METEORS? CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. CG: WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH METEORS. GC: OH BOY YOU N33D TO G3T W1TH TH3 PROGR4M K4RK4T

karkat, i think you are a bit behind on what this game is going to be like. yet you are already on your planet despite that!

i gotta go now but ill be back