#and my friend couldnt understand why i liked such a fucked up character

[oifaaa]

Fans when men are irredeemable: omg so hot

"Fans" when woman does something even remotly bad: fuck you

as someone who only loves characters who have committed horrible crimes or are atleast morally grey I feel this in my bones

[billyjoecobra]

JOSEPH JOESTAR CHARACTER ANALYSIS (1)

I never see anyone talk or analyze Joseph very often in the fandom, which is tragic because i believe he's very complex!! So here's some thoughts to chew on, rattle around in your head a bit. It's all under the cut, and it is LONG AS HELL because i have a LOT to say on him!!! Warning though, it's not super properly punctuated as these are discord rambles of mine, but -- enjoy nonetheless!!

i think it's super interesting to note how every time someone puts joseph down, or does something shitty to him, he just doesn't care. not a single bit. he even says it's fine, maybe even deserved sometimes. he assumes people always thinks the worst of him, and yet doesn't really care aside from the one time he dressed in drag and got insulted about it. even then he was just kind of, "man. i looked hot though.." however every time someone even remotely upsets his friends or hurts those who don't deserve it or his family he goes. ABSOLUTELY APESHIT. he will get SO fighty.

he will immediately throw hands and hurt you physically without thinking about it he likes to put assholes in their place sometimes (i.e. the taxi driver, the nazis who insulted him. and any nazi really ) but that is different than really caring about what they say to him. i think he has a very strong moral code, though people tend to see him as quite dubious because of his loud and obnoxious behavior every consequence to his actions, he only worries what others close to him will think and he can easily be driven to a blind rage revenge if you dare to hurt his family in any way. because you DONT fuck with his family. family is the no. 1 thing he cares about

beating up racist cops? he only feels bad because he doesn't want to stress out erina with the thought of bailing him out. told speedwagon is dead? he's upset, but he keeps his cool and throws a punch at the guy for upsetting erina, and worries more about her comfort than his own. guys hijacking a plane and holding him hostage? he couldnt care less if he was the hostage, he only cared enough to stop it because it might risk getting speedwagon hurt. and it goes on

and for the sake of his family he keeps purposefully trying to risk himself to death repeatedly. when fighting kars lets not forget when he shot kars into space and his thoughts were about how he was ok with dying if it meant his family was safe i think . and i said this before this is just me getting my thoughts out way more eloquently with points i've already touched on before. but.

in a non emo way, it's really hit me how he isn't like. beat up about it. about assuming ppl always think the worst of him. he cares way more about others than himself type of guy thats like similar to "they're friendly but after awhile of their support and talking to them you realize to your horror you dont actually know anything about them at all" other than he's like. bold and brash and likes to start fights sometimes oh and lest we forget he also tends to take the death of loved ones so hard to the point that no matter the circumstances true causes he always blames himself.

he always blames himself and gets a bit. ummmmm i wouldn't say suicidal but like way too risky with his life and stops really caring if he'll die. he's just so used to nobody ever understanding him and his "off kilter" tbh neurodivergent way of thinking and living that he. like. he doesn't exactly have great self image beyond thinking he has sexy lips which sounds so silly but it's true and again it's not something he dwells on it's just kind of, A Fact to him. and this isn't even touching on the slew of issues i'm sure speedwagon's constant comparing of him to his dead grandfather must have caused.

It's very evident to me that he has ALWAYS felt like a burden to some degree i think. even when erina and speed havent really treated him as such. This is why I think his dynamic with speedwagon would be pretty strained / already seems as such -- bc. As I said before, he's ALWAYS comparing him to jonathan, even when he was just a kid.

NOW BY ALL MEANS!! I DO NOT THINK speedwagon means any ill will. it's just something that he just keeps.. doing because. well he respected jonathan so much, and it kind of clouds how he sees joseph because -- well, joseph is the SPITTING IMAGE of him. But not intending harm does not mean he hasn't caused any by doing that -- comparison can WRECK you pretty bad. joseph has made it clear that he knows he's nothing like jonathan in any regards except looks and i think it kind of contributes to his overall. tanked self image. and also the fact that he's a reminder of the tragedy of losing his parents ( or so they thought for a while. yk )

he deeply cares for him still, this much is true. he always will. but, it doesn't negate the serious comparison issue, constantly being told "WOW you have an attitude not at ALL like your grandpa, he would have never done x!! how do you look like him while being such an angry kid!!"

..... said without real malice or really bad intention, more out of exasperation. but. those kinds of things stick with kids. yknow? Joseph's always bottled up his emotions and tried to be on his best behavior for erina's sake. hes always a little more open with speedwagon. but .............. BWGHGURUGURGGH!!!!!!! i could go on for hours about it ok. but i shall move on to my next point now.

what sucks about it though is that the fandom tends to gloss over these bit of characterization at every turn. there is a lot of sadness and concerning things surrounding joseph that he just simply SHRUGS OFF about that it's kinda concerning! not that he'd ever really see a problem with it.

the fact that he was prepared to die / did the bet if only to distract them long enough to let caesar and speedwagon get away... you COULD maybe read it as a little bit of self preservation but given how he handles literally all other instances of him possibly dying., and the circumstances of him leading whammuu away being to SAVE those two. I think it yet again falls in line with "who gaf if i die i care if THEY die". then he gets stressed about the time he has left. which i imagine would stress ANYONE honestly. but . part of me thinks that it's also because this means that he has a short time to make sure he can be strong enough to protect everyone he loves and cares for..

that isn't ALL there is, of course. but i feel like with his behavior that is probably a big reason of it. You can summarize it all with one sentence; essentially,

joseph isn't afraid of death, nor dying himself; he's afraid of his loved ones dying.

This fact is extremely present in everything he does and says, but especially so when Caesar's death hits. THAT, however, i will make it's own post on. I have a lot to say on that and how it fucked him up for life. For now, though, I will move on and touch on another topic.

for all the loud opinions joseph seems to also speak none of it is ever really looked into much deeper as anything more than " he's just being joseph again" and he never really elaborates on it either, hence why a lot of people don't know much about him. While he is schrodinger's himbo -- too stupid to be smart, too smart to be stupid -- it's clearly all an act to get people to lower their expectations of him. He doesn't like being taken as a joke though. that he is a hater of for sure so. Joseph hides his true self behind a mask of idiocy and lackadaisical attitude to the point where it's blended into his actual truest self and he can hardly tell what's real and what's the mask. But at the same time, Joseph gets very angry when nobody takes him seriously because of his facade and trying to make everyone lower their expectations of him so he can pull the rug out from under them.

He's so mad when people don't take him serious but then continues to act pretty unserious and it's like. Well if you want them to take you more seriously bro you should stop doing that. Stop lowering others expectations so you can kick their asses or have a general upper hand just in case ( but he won't 💖)

he is a bit of a polarizing character but i hate when fandom reduces him to just "funny goofster" or ""cheater"", or writes him off as annoying with no depth to him. To judge Joseph through a lense of solely good or solely bad is a terrible idea; that man is gray moraled as HELL, he has a strong sense of self justice while also being incredibly underhanded and sneaky. If you dislike him, that's fine -- but don't discount his complexity just cause of that!!! He's not puddle deep, there's a lot of facets to how truly fucked up he is.

yeah. he is goofy, and he's a cheater at many things. but there's a lot to him. HE'S COMPLEX!!!!

[kumezyzo]

hellooo! can you write something about breaking up w bf!sapnap?

im not joking when i say i got two seperate asks for this. and im all for it. i made sap seem like a huge asshole in this btw. like, so insanely shitty that its almost out of character/it probably is.

anyway, enjoy! or dont :) m.list

it built up slowly over time. once the honeymoon phase had passed, you two were comfortable. and then you two needed a break. he needed breathing room and you need to reevaluate where you wanted this relationship to go. when before you could see yourself marrying him, growing old with him, having a family with him, now you just saw his flaws.

he didnt know why but he felt bored. it hurt him to admit to himself. and it hurt even more having to tell his friends about it. the same friends that had grown to love you and you had grown to love aswell.

"you're... bored?" dream asked his best friend, looking at him like he was crazy. "of a person?"

nick winced as he heard it out loud for the first time. he looked at george who looked at him in complete concern.

"it sounds worse when you put it like that..." nick responded. he rubbed at his eyes.

"it was that bad to begin with," george said shaking his head.

during the break, you felt as if you two had broken up. and the longer it went on, the more he acted like you two actually had. and it really solidified it when he started talking to other people.

you didnt think he was doing it seriously. maybe it was just to make you jealous, maybe he did stoop that low. but then you saw how how george and dream were just as confused as you.

he really did try to hide it from you. from everyone. but no ones perfect.

"nick, who are you texting?" dream asked over his shoulder, startling him. he looked at dream with wide eyes.

"what the fuck are you doing?" he asked defensively. you looked up from where you were sitting at the kitchen island to the other two on the couch. he glanced at you before looking back at his best friend.

"i was just trying to scare you..." dream said walking towards you in the kitchen confused. he had gone upstairs to get his laptop to show you something. "but really, who were you texting?"

"your mom, thats who,"

when you found it he was talking to someone, you couldnt help but feel terrible at the idea that he had already gotten over you.

you walked into your old shared bedroom, nervously avoiding eye contact with your ex-boyfriend. he looked at you blankly as you stood there with your arms crossed, trying to find words to say.

he was sat up in bed, looking up from his phone at you. "...whats up?"

"we can agree we're not together anymore? like... this isnt gonna work out, right?" you continued to stare at your socks as you waited for the heart breaking answer. but you couldn't hold it in and looked up to see his face.

he looked small and deep in thought. he glanced down at his phone screen and back up at you.

"why are you thinking about it?" you ask offendedly. "im asking to make sure we're on the same page here. it wasnt an actual fucking question."

your words rang through the air. he sat there, hearing them play over in his head. it was like he was suddenly understanding the situation. he replayed your relationship, remembering how much he loved you. how happy he was.

im sorry if this seems all over the place. this idea was a lot more elaborate in my mind. but i didnt wanna make it longer. sorry...

if you want a longer version, it would take a while for me to get it out. im gonna be super busy for a while so domt expect as frequent uploads. im also in a lowkey bad mood rn so... im sorry if this is kinda dry. -nony

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @rosieathena - thanks so much!! ♡

Spencer Reid x she/her reader

Reid x Youtuber/Streamer Girlfriend

- Spencer Reid has a somewhat boomer knowledge of social media platforms, he doesnt really understand them, but he knows from his job that they cause a lot of problems, so generally he steered clear of them in his personal life

- that was, until he met you

- the two of you very quickly became good friends soon after you joined the team, and it wasnt long before you both realised that the connection you had was not one between friends

- you went on a date, and things have only gone up from there

- during a conversation Spencer remembers very well, you casually mentioned your side-job as a youtuber and twitch streamer

- Spencer didnt even know what twitch was, and assumed you meant you live streamed yourself twitching and got paid for it

- you slowly introduced him to the world of youtube and livestreaming, and he was fascinated

- at first, he would sit out of frame while you streamed, just listening to you commentate over various video games you played and observing the way you communicated with the people in the stream chat as if they were your friends

- by no means did you earn a lot through this hobby, but it was something you enjoyed, and Spencer would support any harmless hobby that brought you so much joy

- but then he discovered it wasnt harmless

- you had been very fortunate to have Spencer sit in on streams in which you received very little abuse in chat, and because he wasnt reading the chat you could simply ignore any hateful messages there and he would be none the wiser

- however, on the first stream that he decided to join, things were a little different

- Spencer was sitting beside you, the two of you playing a multiplayer video game, both of you visible to the thousands of people watching

- and he, being the genius capable of doing a million things at once, was able to glance into the chat and read what people were saying as he played, curious to any tips or tricks they may lend him to help him be a better player in the game

- what he saw was anything but helpful

“jesus christ, how the fuck did she manage to trick him to date her”

“this guy makes her look even worse than she already does”

“he could do SO much better”

“I’d rather kill myself than be seen anywhere with her”

“maybe (Y/N) should be the one killing herself since she clearly doesnt deserve him”

“yeah haha u right u right”

- those messages were among more pleasant ones, but Spencer couldnt see those

- in fact, he couldnt even see the game anymore because he was staring at the chat log, and as a result his character died

“Spence? Everything alright?”

“How often do you see messages like that directed at you?”

- you knew what he was referring to without having to look in chat, you had really hoped you could hide the negative side of streaming for just a little longer

“Trust me, it’s alright. People behind a screen think they can be assholes without any comeuppance, and most of the time they’re right. Repercussions for them are minimal. Im lucky to get very few negative messages on my streams, Im used to that and I can cope.”

- Spencer shook his head, he was not happy with this

“You shouldnt have to get used to something like this.”

- with that, he stood up and grabbed his phone, the fans in your stream confused as to what was going on

- “Spencer, what are you-“

“Hey, Garcia, can you do me a favour? The scum of the internet are in (Y/N)’s stream chat, could you- oh, you already see them? Great. Yeah, I know, they’re disgusting.”

he walked back over to you and leaned over to look at your computer, scrolling back through chat to find the usernames.

“Scroll back to where user jnjmemes sent a crying laughing emoticon, you see the string of messages after that? Could you send every single one of those users a nasty virus? Thanks Garcia!”

- your jaw was hanging open, you stared at Spencer with wide eyes, completely lost for words while your fans in the chat were screaming over Spencer’s protectiveness of you

“Oh, one last thing Garcia, is it possible to set up a programme that automatically sends a virus to anyone who leaves a message of a similar nature? Of course you can do that, I should’ve known, thanks again!”

- he hung up and sat back down beside you

“There’s a lesson for all of you in this: dont say hurtful things to people online. But there’s a lesson even more important than that, which I hope you’ve all paid attention to.”

“What’s that?” You asked.

“Dont fuck with a woman in the FBI.”

[reallifemarvbruh]

NEW INTRO !!

hello and welcome.

this is my official new intro because the other one was waayy outdated.

people call me by a couple different things, those things being Zebruh, Travis, and Gamzee.

my pronouns are he/they and im a t4t trans dude.

THIS ACCOUNT IS AGELESS

if you have a problem with that then please see your way out. i post mainly dead dove content and nsfw concepts.

if youve made it this far then we can get into the good shit.

i am a fanfic writer and role player, specifically into dead dove and angsty porn although i do like fluff and normal shit.

i have been writing and role playing since i can remember and am pretty good at it.

im always open to role play or make new friends.

toxic yaoi<3

FANDOM

i am always online and am into fandom related spaces.

i enjoy

homestuck

hiveswap

sally face

warrior cats

boyfriend to death

your boyfriend

aqua teen hunger force

smiling friends

maxley

popee the performer

and many more.

this account is mostly homestuck and hiveswap with some other stuff mixed in.

i have been into fandoms ever since i can remember and it is literally what my life revolves around i love fandoms so much omg…

they give me life and help me through everything

I AM A ZEBRUH APOLOGIST

i love zebruh more then anything he totally didnt do anything wrong at all he deserves all the love and respect in the world no matter what. for sure.

i am a HUGE marvbruh shipper if you couldnt tell already, i will defend them until the day that i die.

if you dont like that then why are you here?

they are literally my babies and they are in love i dont want to hear a WORD about it.

marvus hypes up his loser boyfriend alright deal with it.

i am on a sinking ship and i am the captain.

WHAT ABOUT >>ME<<?

i am a freak beyond understanding. i am something otherworldly.

im a scenemo kid, i have black hair with side bangs and purple/blue raccoon tails.

i love music of all different kinds, mostly music thats about darker topics such as stalking, suicide, necro, cannibalism, age gaps, etc.

im also a rollercoaster enthusiast.

i have two cats that probably hate me but pretend to love me.

i have an awesome group of friends and THE BEST BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD.

pray for him he puts up with my shit.

his blog is @dirtymaidpanties go give him love.

we’ve been together for four years and hes probably so tired of me posting and promoting him LOL i dont blame him im crazy.

i have a discord but youll have to beg on your hands and knees for it.

im a huge history and music nerd. i can talk about it for hours.

i have a myriad of mental health disorders.

i am hypersexual and have a porn addiction.

i love all fucked up characters.

bro, gamzee, cronus, it doesnt matter i love them all equally.

im also a furry.

and i cosplay.

!!!I HAVE NO DNI!!!

you can interact if youre anti, proship, or whatever else. our lives are too short to judge solely based off of one thing alone. if i dont like you ill just block you its that easy. plus dnis are dumb.

if you wanna yell at me for that i dont really care.

you guys are so judgmental its fucking crazy holy shit.

if you wanna make fun of me and be a bitch i wont block you though. that shit makes me horny i have a kink for that.

anyways bye kitties remember to support your local marvbruh fan.

pictures ehehee

i am literally zebruh guys i can confirm that marvus loves me very very very much hes my boyfriend

(he just doesnt know it yet)

[roe-and-memory]

Cal headcanons maybe??? :3333

ANON, WE’RE BEST FRIENDS NOW. THANK YOU

cal is my boy, my son, my shining star, my silly, and many more.. allow us to fucking ruin his life (the favourite character treatment, if you will)

i hope u enjoy these 💥🔥

- hes deaf! this is my favourite hc ever i came up with it myself. hes Deaf and uses hearing aids - this was caused by the crash his parents died in (as he was in the vehicle with them if it wasnt obvious)

- he was 13 when his parents died

- he grew up watching his uncle race. he was a STAPLE in the dinoco pit box and when he was 11 or 12 he was strips crew chief for a race (strip won it too)

- strip taught him how to drive in one of the fields at their house - he mowed a track around it with a tractor, made cal get in the drivers seat, and told him to just Drive. (he was taught using Lynda’s old derby car because as strip expected, the very traumatized 14 year old he put behind the wheel DID in fact crash into the corn stalks and strip had to chase after him and pull him out of the car)

- he is probably the most careful driver you will ever meet. its the trauma, dare i say, but the probability of him crashing is much less than the Other Two. bobby and lightning poke fun at him for being so careful behind the wheel because “he doesnt have fun”, and whenever he gets serious behind the wheel they both giggle and quietly make fun of him (its like when you turn on the light in the car and your dad yells at you, white knuckling the steering wheel staring straight ahead and u dont understand why its so serious)

- cal’s the oldest of the three as well, hes a little less than a year older than lightning, so they’d both be the same age for like a 4 month period, bobby is the youngest and gets relentlessly bullied for it.

- i dont think cal ever learnt extensive sign language after the accident. his aunt and uncle didnt know it, and they were cautious of the situation so they found ways to communicate that they could all understand - he only learnt it after meeting red, because he was curious, and it wasn’t that hard.. plus it was a bonus that he could say things to lmq and bobby that they didn’t understand

- hes the only member of the trio with a consistent brain cell. hes the Reason, but hes also silly as hell which puts him barely a brain cell level higher than his friends

- he doesnt trust other people driving him places, he will ALWAYS volunteer to drive

- cal has a lot of his old, early racing days/pre-racing days memories on one of those old, handheld film cameras. he records a lot of stuff on it when theyre all running around the infield being silly

- his silly ass is so socially awkward its AWFUL. hes great in front of cameras but as soon as someone normal asks him a question or starts a conversation hes like. erm. Um. sure? (it was not a yes or no question)

- adhd

- hearing issues also comes with auditory processing issues, he’ll ask someone to repeat themselves and then realize halfway through their repetition what they said and be like OH YEAH TOTALLY!

- after the accident he went through a phase of being Terrified that strip and lynda were trying to replace his parents. he acted out, he hated every minute of their care and affection for a while, and finally he couldnt handle Not telling them why he was acting the way he was. they were both forgiving of course, they told him they understood he was scared and this was all New and they would NEVER try to replace his parents. that Helped.

- cal is short for calamari, full name calamari weather's (roe)

- hes blonde! he and strip are both blonde - and people HAVE mistaken strip for his dad instead of his uncle, but in reality cal just looks a Lot like his mother (who was strips sister)

- adding onto above: cal being upset makes strip think of his Sister and it fucking tears him apart every time. that kid looks so much like his mother its awful.

- when he was finally old enough to drink, he won the race, got to hold the champagne bottle and pop it open but it was so horribly hot outside that he fainted while on top of the car in victory lane, fell off, shattered the champagne bottle and smelt like berries for almost a week because it WOULDNT GET OUT OF HIS HAIR. he scraped up his elbows and tore the back of his t-shirt but there was nothing worse than smelling like alcohol for six days.

- he has a baby face and its his worst enemy.

- when he was a kid and a teenager he was obsessed with picking up small animals he found in the forest behind strip and lyndas house, and hes GOOD AT IT TOO. he once brought in a whole opossum into the house shortly after the accident, totally out of it on pain medications, and told his aunt and uncle that he wanted to keep this cat he saved from the garbage can down the side of the house. they were more shocked he got outside? how did he even..?

- he also picked up a habit of eating random berries he found in the woods? hes regretted it on multiple occasions and lynda has continuously told him to stop, but what made him really stop was accidentally grabbing blueberries that just so happened to be surrounded by poison ivy. he had it up and down his arms and all over his hands for three weeks.

- boy loves bugs, every bug ever he could identify and pick up with no issue whatsoever

- he had a marine biology phase and still LOVES the aquarium

- escape artist essentially

THIS IS SO MANY thats enough for now.. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED i love him so much. i hope none of this comes off as me woobifying him because i will lose my mind 💀

[aemiron-main]

ok so I was in a gay mike Mood today so here’s a passionate ramble abt it from earlier because regardless of whether you’re a gay Mike truther or anything else, the idea that Mike being gay/having never loved El would hurt El more than him falling out of love with her/is inconsiderate to her and her character arc is absolutely fucking stupid and imo, Mike being gay is actually the sexuality for Mike that is the GENTLEST and KINDEST to el’s character and works with her themes and arcs Perfectly in a way that no other version of Mike does. You don’t have to agree with me on this but I’m literally going insane seeing the “people who think Mike is gay don’t care about El” takes because IMO and like I’m gonna talk abt more in-depth in my full analysis, again, gay Mike is actually the resolution/sexuality for Mike that is the best for El/cares about her the MOST.

Why do I think this? Why do I love gay Mike narratively when it comes to Mike and El’s relationship and the end of it and SPECIFICALLY from the perspective of caring about El and wanting to make sure that she gets her happy ending/that her arcs and themes are resolved in a happy and satisfying way?

BECAUSE EL REALIZES IT WAS NEVER ABOUT HER!!!! SHE REALIZES THAT IT WAS NEVER ABOUT HER ABILITY TO *BE* LOVED BUT RATHER ABOUT HIS INABILITY TO LOVE HER, AND THAT ITS NOT ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT WHO/WHAT SHE IS OR ANYTHING SHES DONE BUT INSTEAD ABOUT WHO/WHAT MIKE IS (GAY). AND SO SHE REALIZES. WHY MIKE COULDNT SAY HE LOVED HER. WHY HE PHYSICALLY STRUGGLED TO SAY IT TO HER FACE IN THE S3 AISLE SCENE. ITS NOT THAT HE DIDNT WANT TO SAY IT, IT WAS THAT HE COULDNT, IT WASNT THAT HE DIDNT WANT TO LOVE HER ITS THAT HE CANT. EL REALIZING THAT THIS IS SOMETHING MIKE CANNOT CONTROL AND REALIZING HOW HE *IS* DIFFERENT (callback to the s4 bedroom fight scene where she said he doesn’t understand what it’s like to be different & I think that in the s5 OST in this Mike and El breakup scene we’re going to get a track that has parts of the ‘being different’ track incorporated into it) AND JUST. EL REALIZING FINALLY THAT ITS NOT HER THAT NEEDS TO CHANGE THAT HE DOESNT SEE HER AS THE MONSTER, BUT INSTEAD SEES HIMSELF AS THE MONSTER, AS THE FREAK.

El who realizes that every single time mike lied to her was because he was lying to himself. El, who is so focused on “friends don’t lie,” and was upset about Mike lying to her because it implied that they weren’t friends, realizing that it was never about anything she did, but rather, Mike was lying to himself, it was about him, and that he doesn’t have to lie anymore and they can be friends.

El, someone who feels unlovable not only realizing that it was never about her being unloveable but rather abt mikes inability to love her bc he’s gay, but also seeing somebody who tried so HARD to love her, who saw her as somebody who deserved love SO MUCH that he would cut out parts of himself and repress himself in an attempt to give her the love that he thought she deserved. And how people in el’s life like brenner have never actually *tried* to love her, but Mike tried SO HARD but couldn’t love her in the right way (not that brenner loved El romantically but yknow general love) and how Mike can’t fully love her platonically as long as they’re in a relationship bc of the lying and the idea that lying = not friends/lack of platonic love. People who COULD love El didn’t even try to, but Mike, who CANT love her still saw her as SO worthy of love that he tried so hard to love her.

Mike didn’t not love her bc he felt she didn’t deserve love- he COULDNT love her but tried so hard to, because he DOES feel that she deserves it. El feeling like Mike didn’t give enough in their relationship- but then realizing just how much he gave up for it, how much of HIMSELF he repressed and gave up for it.

Like. Platonic Elmike with gay Mike specifically makes me so emotional for these reasons!! It’s such a beautiful conclusion to their arcs!!

El feels unlovable for who she is & so if there’s smthn that Mike doesn’t like about her & fell out of love with her over then it’s still ABOUT HER, she still feels unlovable. Those sort of messy situations happen IRL and Mike wouldn’t be morally bad for falling out of love with El, but it wouldn’t be a satisfying, happy conclusion to El’s themes and arcs, because El has been set up in a way with gay Mike in mind from the start, so her themes and arcs are meant to work in tandem with Mike being gay.

Like I just!! Not to mention the acceptance and relief that Mike would feel from El in all this and the deepened understanding between them!! But focusing on El and her feelings specifically because that’s what this post is about: I just am so emotional rn about El realizing that Mike tries to love her, that despite everything, he saw her as so worthy of love that he tried to give it to her even when it was killing him and forcing him to repress himself. He saw El as so worthy of love that he’d stew in hatred towards himself if it meant that she could feel loved, because he TRIED to love her even at the cost of his own mental well-being. El, who thought that Mike didn’t love her because of something wrong with HER, realizing that it was something “wrong” with him instead, realizing that he IS different, just like her, and that she was wrong to say that he isn’t different during the bedroom scene. The narrative BEAUTY of El feeling most loved at the END of her relationship with Mike, how his inability to love her is beautifully and ironically exactly what makes her feel loved, because a.) it wasn’t about her/her ability to BE loved but his ability TO love her and b.) he tried SO HARD to love her because he saw her as so worthy of love. El feeling so loved because of the realization that Mike can’t and didn’t love her romantically?? It’s such a beautiful narrative!!

El feels unlovable. Mike feels incapable of loving. But neither is true. El cannot be loved romantically by Mike because Mike is incapable of romantically loving her- but that doesn’t mean that El is incapable of being loved as a whole, and it doesn’t mean that mike is incapable of loving as a whole, he just can’t love her, and so she can’t be romantically loved by him, and because of the ties between “lying = not friends,” and the strain that their romantic relationship put on their friendship and prevented them from even getting to fully KNOW eachother, he can’t fully platonically love her until the romantic relationship is over!!

El Hopper is so loved. And she’s going to realize this and it’s going to be tied to gay Mike!! And it’s so narratively beautiful!! El realizing how much Mike tried to love her, how highly he thinks of her, how much of himself he gave up in his attempts to love her, how much it hurt him to try and love her, but he did it anyways because he sees her as being worthy of love and happiness and was trying to be the one to make sure that she got it?? It’s so good!!! There’s so many people who treated El HORRIBLY, and didn’t even fucking try to love her, people from the lab, and the bullies, but Mike TRIED, people who COULD have loved her but didn’t even try versus somebody who CANT love her but tried so hard??? El is going to feel so loved, it’s a perfect tie-in to her arcs about feeling unlovable, like a monster. El realizing that Mike doesn’t see her as a monster but instead sees himself as one?? Sees himself as the different/freak one?? And dismissed El’s feelings of being a “freak/monster” because Mike thinks so highly of her and so lowly of himself & sees HIMSELF as a freak/monster for being gay that he can’t process El feeling like a freak/monster because he sees her as being in completely different league than him. But that also puts him in a position of seeing her as a superhero which is something she Doesn’t want- but then they both realize that neither is a hero and neither is a monster and that they’re both actually deeply similar and that the they’re both just different, they’re not monsters, they’re different. And that’s not a bad thing! And Mike is going to realize that it isn’t a bad thing! Because El is different and so is he, and he thinks so highly of El that if he’s different, like her, then he can’t be a monster/awful for being different, because El isn’t a monster/awful for being different.

So yeah. Please cut it out with the absolutely ridiculous “gay mike ‘truthers’ don’t care about el,” and “mike being gay would be mean to el compared to mike being bi or unlabelled” rhetoric because it’s the literally the absolute opposite.

[myneverendingemophase]

If you’re afraid of swearing, then don’t read it, ok? Ok, I warned you

I finally decided to watch Trolls: Band Together, so I present you my opinion that you never needed or wanted! Yuppie!!

Some of you have probably seen my angry rant about it before the movie was released, but you know what? FUCK YOU, PAST ME! Past me can shut the fuck up and jump into the pit! At least partly.

I still have stuff I don’t like here, like Viva’s design. Because THE HELL?? I love her hair, her voice, her movements, BUT COULDNT THEY GIVE HER AT THE VERY LEAST DIFFERENT HEADSHAPE? She looks like a Poppy copy, make her look older, you fucking cowards

Branch’s brothers were adorable, I like the way they were introduced. Could have been better and way less rushed, but I waited for worst, so I’m satisfied, I dunno? I like them as characters, very nice very nice. Also. If 3 of them escaped… Were trolls so afraid of bergens they didn’t even try to escape in small groups at night or something? Ok, fine, moving on, it’s not like we’re getting answers

Maybe I didn’t like the idea of tons of siblings, because this plot idea is very cliché and that makes it so so easy to fuck the plot up. But the way they added siblings wasn’t too bad, I guess? Brothers added more trauma to Branch, great angst potential for all five, nice. And Viva shown us once again not to trust King Peppy— Wait. Why did he let Poppy go to Bergentown in the first movie again—

I’m so SO relieved that I wasn’t completely right and especially that I was super wrong about Broppy. AND THANK FUCK THAT I WAS WRONG! They’re healthy, they’re still their flawed selves, but they’re trying their best, they’re adorable, they don’t have artificial drama shitshow!! Hell yes!

Also Bridget and Gristle. They were dorks and I liked them. Gristle is just going along with everything Bridget does and admiring his wife. Big mood, man

Moving from good things.

I’m upset that the plot didn’t add trolls from other tribes. Like, Poppy and Barb could have bonded as friends! Come on! But another subplot would have been too much, I agree. The movie has enough stuff to deal with without it, it’s upsetting, but understandable.

That’s also probably the reason why the movie feels rushed. It’s hard to give attention to every character during that short amount of time, I understand that. But it’s still sad.

I still weep. Because they cut Lady Gaga’s song Applause. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????!! *in indescribable amount of pain*

In conclusion. I thank Goddesses that I wasn’t completely right. The movie wasn’t horrible, I’m so relieved! It could have been better, but same about the first and the second movies. And maybe I’m gonna share some troll theories in the future, I dunno, but there probably will be sketches. Maybe :)

[pwnyta]

Now that im done with my GI dailies...

ROUND 2 of the BNHA award show starts!

The award for QUICKEST YET BADDEST ENTRANCE AND EXIT goes to...

Star!

Damn she was a bad bitch....

------

Award for I DONT BELIEVE THAT MAN HAS EVER BEEN TO MEDICAL SCHOOL goes to....

ITS A TIE!!!

JEANIST AND WHATS-HIS-FACE!

Ok they can preform open heart surgery? Sure...

-----

Award for BIGGEST ASSPULL goes to...

ANOTHER TIE AND WELCOME BACK

BEST JEANIST & SERIOUSLY I CANT REMEMBER HIS NAME FOR THE LIFE OF ME

AND!!! ERI!!!

Damn this was dumb as hell....

----

Award for MOST DISAPPOINTING COME BACK goes to...

MIRIO!

...off-screen.... girl... Mirio I love you so much theres no way you should be this lame...

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Award for SERIOUSLY WHY THE FUCK WAS THIS GUY ADDED? IT HAD LIKE NO SATISFYING PART IN THE STORY.... goes to....

KUROGIRI!

Kurogiri you were so intriguing before Hori made you a zombie of Aizawas friend he just randomly added...

-----

The award for MAKING ME THINK OF THE WEATHER EPISODE FROM UNHHHHH goes to....

...??? HER!!!!

HELLLOOOO WERE HAVING WEATHER~~~~

-----

Award for MOST WASTED STORY POTENTIAL IN MAYBE ALL OF MANGA HISTORY goes to....

Mutant bigotry!!!

Really Hori your bringing this up now? To try and make Spinners random character turn understandable? Weve had mutant characters the ENTIRE GOD DAMN TIME HORI!!! PRO HEROES! STUDENTS! RANDOM BG CHARACTERS! YOURE BRINGING THIS UP NOW!? TOKOYAMI ALMOST KILLED SOME OF HIS CLASSMATES!!!! YOU THINK BIGOTS WOULDNT HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT IT!? WHAT A TOOTHLESS TONE-DEAF RACISM ALLEGORY!! HOLY SHIT HORI IM SO PISSED ABOUT THIS YOU CANT EVEN IMAGINE.

------

Award for MOST DRAWN OUT NOT-DEAD REVEAL goes to...

BAKUGO

I mean obviously.... You know letting him actually have some smooth character development woulda been too hard for Hori...

----

Award for HOLY SHIT THE 'CEST SHIPPERS ARE GONNA LOVE THIS SHIT goes to....

ITS A TIE!!!! TWINSIES!!!

Endeavor/Dabi

AND!!!

THE SHIGARAKIS!

...Yall can get mad at me for this one... You know I aint wrong...

-----

Award for MOST UNHINGED YET SELFLESS ROMANTIC SACRIFICE goes to....

STAIN!!!!

Seriously Im in tears... how did this happen...

----

Award for THE MOST POINTLESS FACE HEAL FACE TURN IN HISTORY goes to....

....HER!

??? Seriously you got pissed about killing villains so you started killing heroes even a teenage boy? Thats so fucking stupid girl....fuckin WHAT?

-----

Award for I DONT CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS YOURE AN UNDERRATED TOP TIER G AND YOU DESERVE AN AWARD goes to...

MT LADY!!!

DAMN SHES FUCKING COOL! NEVER DISAPPOINTS IN A FIGHT!

-------

Award for SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! SHUT UP!!! THIS ISNT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE Y- goes to...

ENDEAVOR!!

SHUT YOUR BITCH ASS UP ENDEAVOR!!!

------

Award for THEY NEEDED TO TAKE YOU OUT EARLIER ON SO YOU COULDNT CLAP THE BADDIES CHEEKS AND ITS SO OBVIOUS WHY DID HORI MAKE YOU SO STRONG FOR NO REASON TOKOYAMI???? goes to....

TOKOYAMI!!!

HOLY SHIT TOKOYAMI!

--------

Award for I HATE THAT THEYRE MAKING ME DEFEND YOU... goes to...

HAWKS!!!

Hawks gave Twice plenty of chances to stop fucking killing people so he could be taken in alive! WHY DO I HAVE TO DEFEND THIS BLACKHOLE OF WASTED FUCKIN TIME HORI WTF....???

-----

Award for MOST WEIRDLY TOUCHING DEDICATION goes to...

All Mights CANT STOP TWINKLING attack!

The way I cried a little... my little tchotchke.... Him changing his attacks from states to his students was already so good but damn... :') Aoyama deserved this.

-----

Award for MOST TRAGICALLY SUBMISSIVE BABYGIRL goes to...

ALL MIGHT!!!

I mean we knew from the jump but.... DAMN Toshi.

------

Award for MOST HATED GOOD SHIP goes to...

KIRISHIDO!!!

Seriously FUCK those KRBK fans! Im so glad you got bested by the BKDKs you rancid fucks.... This ship was always superior!!!

------

Award for LOVING SHOTO THE MOST goes to....

Certainly not his fucking family....

IIDA!!!!

So this is love... mmm mmm mmm mmm~ So this is... love?

----

Award for SICKEST VILLAIN DESIGN goes to...

Kunieda(I guess?)

Seriously this guy is so fucking cool looking. Clears literally every single villain design. Its not even close.

------

The award for MOST HORNGRY goes too....

AFO

Seriously AFO... if you werent so obsessed with Toshi you probably woulda won its literally so fucking funny.... Elevated the nosebleed trope to literally spurting blood from the forehead veins from how aggressively horknee you are. LMAO. AND YET somehow this is not the weirdest boner you have for another man.

---

Award for THE MOST CONSISTENTLY GOOD CHARACTER IN BNHA goes to...

ALL MIGHT. Obviously.

IDK if Hori loves you or hates you by how he writes you Toshi but damn you wear this consistency so fuckin well not even Hori could fuck you up!

-----

Award for MOST REALISTICALLY AGED BY THE STRESS OF THIS BATTLE goes to...

Naomasa!!

.... LMAO... Damn. Stress so intense it made you turn into a distinctly designed character.. The magic of facial hair and eyebags...

---

The award for REALLY BITCH!? YOU HAVE A PERFECT COUNTER FOR STAINS QUIRK BUT NOT ONE TO AGE YOURSELF TO COUNTER YOUR DEAGING?! THATS FUCKIN CONVENIENT HORIKOSHI goes to...

AFO!!! For BLOODLET!

The only blemish on the otherwise sickest side battle in this whole arc TBH..

-----

Thats the end of part 2 of BNHA AWARDS!!! Some serious upsets this round! Damn!

[dontfall-inlove-withthe-moment]

Don’t fall in love with the moment / M.H

Matty Healy x female character

Word count: 1677

Warning: angst?, poor parental relationships, deceased parent. Occasional smut :)

Chapter one:

I'm trying to hold back the tears that threaten to come out of my eyes as I remember what happened a few nights ago. I dropped out of college a some weeks ago and the moment my mom found out she freaked out on me. It's not like I don't understand her, I get why she's mad to a certain extent, I mean what mother wouldn't? But she knows I've been unhappy for way too long now, she should understand this is what's best for me.

I didn't know how to tell her, I knew she'd get mad, but as alway, she got ahead of me. The school sent me a letter to discuss the refund of my tuition and she read it. She told me she saw unintentionally, I know she was snooping around, she always does.

“Would you mind explain this to me Claire” I freeze, this sentence never leads to anything good “explain you what” i say, trying to sound calm, but it comes out more frightened than what i expected “Oh don't even try to sound clueless you lazy brat, you dropped out of school that i pay for and you weren't even bother to tell me” That shouldn't have taken me back as it did, she was gonna know eventually, i just didn't expect her to so soon “Mom how do you even know that, were you going through my things again?” I spit at her, trying to deflect the subject as fast as I could “Oh don't turn this on me. people that lie and hide things don't get any privacy, you know that damn well” and here she goes again, with her speeches of how irresponsible and ungrateful i am. Believe me, I know I'm very privileged and everything, but that doesnt mean I'm obliged to love everything about my life. Sadness and discontent and not something you have to earn, but stuff that's just part of the human experience, it's not any different than happiness or any other emotion and I don't get why it's treated differently.

“Mom i already told you, I'm unhappy, i don't like what my life has become, why can't you get that” My mom looks at me with disappointment and just tries to think of what to say. I know she doest like me, she has never told me but I can tell, anyone can, even my father knew, that's why he always made sure to show me as much love as he could. I always got along with my dad, he understood me, he was the only person that believed that I could do anything I wanted. So when he passed away, for the first time, I felt completely alone. The only person that understood me was gone, and there was nothing I could do about it.

The argument escalated quickly and after a few minutes, we were already screaming at eachother. She told me I'm delusional and I'm living in a parallel world, I told her she's old and doesn't understand that i dont wanna become her. For what seemed to be hours, we screamed at each other, but it wasn't until she brought up my dad that my anger started to turn into sadness “You know, your father would be so disappointed if he ever got to see what you've become” That was my last straw, i couldnt take it anymore, i had to leave this house, this town, this fucking county, there was nothing awaiting for me here anymore. So i didn't say anything, i just turned around and headed to my room to pack my bags “Don't ignore me Claire, i am your mother and you will listen to me” she tried to say to me, but i had already made my mind, i was leaving, and she couldn't stop me. While I packed my bags I started to think about destinations, what was the perfect place to start again?, i instantly new, England, well, london to be exact, i new somebody there that could take me in, but mostly i loved London, because my dad loved it as well, he always told me the crazy stories about him living with his friends in a tiny flat there, and i just knew that my life would be better there.

I bought a one way ticket to England and had no intentions of ever coming back to this place, so i just slept, well that until my 5.00am alarm woke me up, my mom didn't even tried to get in my room in the entire night so i slept like a baby for a good 7 hours, but now it was time to leave. My flight taked off at 7:30 so i had to be quick, i tried to do as little sound as i could, but as i was about to grab the doorknob her voice flooded my eardrums “you understand that if you step out of this house you're never coming back right” she said with a defeated tone “I really have to do this mom, i promise i'll be okay” i could swear i could see a glimpse of sadness in her eyes, but it was quickly brushed off with a look that screamed indifference “Don't come crying back after your little childish plans don't turn as you wanted them to” she spat harshly at me, and i just started at her for a while, trying to make peace with how things were turning out “Goodbye Mom” I managed to say, hoping I would not to break down in front of her, And i just left.

My friend received me at her flat the same day. I texted her last night about my emergency and she told me she'd love to take me, but I didn't want to abuse her kindness, so after I took a nap she started ro help me find a job. i applied to a million different places, but i ended up taking a job as a bartender in a pub next to my friends house, everythings seems to be working out, but I felt like i was missing something exciting, something that would turn my life inside out, and finally give that feeling of adrenaline I’ve longed for.

And that takes us to tonight. My shift ended an hour ago but I am still in the pub, just that now I was on the other side of the bar, drinking my sorrows away. I was lonely, I hated to admit it, but I used to have this feeling in my gut that all of my problems were going to disappear after I left home, but there I was, realizing that that’s not the case.

It started with an innocent drink, that lead to another, and another, and another and here I am, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to come out of my eyes as I remember what happened a few nights ago. Just when I was about to go home, a tall man approached me, he told me he wanted to buy me a drink, i politely declined, but he kept bugging me, he just wouldn't let it go “Oh come on love, it's just a drink, you don't have to act like its a full blown date” he would say. it was when i finally looked at him that i realized how attractive he was, with long black hair and beautiful brown eyes that were staring into my soul waiting for an answer, before i think about what i'm doing, im blurting out an “Ehm i, yes, i mean, yeah sure” Im pathetic.

“So, are you gonna tell me your name?” he says, with a cocky grin plastered across his face. “Claire”, i say “what about you” He looks at me with a confused expression but brushes it off quickly “Matty, i like your name” He says in the thickest british accent ever and i have to admit, he had me already.

We took off quick, we talked about a million things and time flew by. before we knew it, it was 2:30am and when he noticed he offered me another plan “Hey so its kinda getting late, what you say we continue this thing at my place” i paused for a second, was i really that desperate to have sex with the first guy that approached me and bought me drink? Technically, i was, i mean i was lonely and wanted to spice up my life, i wasn't gonna achieve it by rotting in my room and drowning in self pity. Suddenly the idea of going back to his place didn't seem as crazy as it did initially. So you know what, fuck it

When i came back to reality, i realized i still hadn't answered him “I mean, yeah, why not” i tried to say in the coolest way i could. He smiled at me and licked his lips, i was subconsciously drawn to his mouth, i coudnt help myself from staring at it, I was so heavily attracted to him it was embarrassing. “I guess we better get moving love”.

We got to his place about 15 min later. Surprisingly enough it was all clean and neat. I found myself looking around at his stuff, there was a whole lot of music equipment that didn’t just seem recreational. it occurred to me that I hadn’t asked him any proper questions about him. We just kinda talked about me. “So matty… what do you for a living?” I asked him. He looked at me and let out a little giggle “I’m uh, a musician” Amazing,, I was about to hookup with a 20 something year old looser “interesting” I say, a little more sassy than I intended. He just smiled at me and took a few steps closer until there was just a few inches separating us. We were facing each other. I could feel his eyes scanning my body and without further notice, he grabbed my face and kissed my lips hungrily, pinning my body to the wall

Hey everybodyy, so this is obviously my first time writing a whole chapter of something instead of just blurbs but I really hope y’all will like it and if you have ANY comments please let me know because I genuinely care a lot about what you guys think :))

Another thing. I know it’s very cliché that this is called the same as the blog but it fits the fanfic 😁 (laughs frantically)

[kamiversee]

kami kami kami..oh how happy you make me with these chapters IF ONLY YOU KNEW. Anyways…

1. WHYD CHOSO THREATEN MY BOY INO LIKE THAT ! When i was reading i was like 🤨 cause ino did NOT deserve that fr. My bbg got so scared too like leave him alone choso🙄 and the fact that choso says ino was looking at her like he wanted to fuck her BUT IK DAMN WELL INO DID NOT MEAN THAT. my poor baby was so nervous and he couldnt even keep his eyes on the reader fr so whats choso on abt.

2. CHOSO??!?!??😫😫😫😩 why was he so babygirl this chapter. HIS LIL HUMS AND MHMS LIKE BLOW MY BACK OUT CHOSO PLEASE😫🙏 AND HIM BEING CLINGY IS JS SUCH A TURN ON TO ME LIKE YES LAY YOUR HEAD ON MY SHOULDER AND CUDDLE UP INTO ME UNTIL UR IN MY SKIN. HES SO OH EM GEE

3. yuki. yuki yuki yuki. lord i KNEW i was gonna fall for that woman. The way you described her and lord the way she was sitting. I have never physically drooled over a character before but boy oh boy. AND SHE WAS FLIRTING WITH US ?? guys idk but i think she wants me ☺️ am i delulu or am i her solulu fr😫 i need her in me and if the next chapter is not me getting dick downed by that lady, i dont want it. (yes i do keep it coming)

4.Tell me why i misread the “best friend of gojo” and read it as js “gojo” I WAS SO SHOCKED I LITERALLY TURNED OFF MY PHONE AND SCREAMED. I was like there is no way we’re getting a chapter with both choso and gojo. After a minute of screaming, I opened tumblr again js to see “geto suguru” at the bottom..😞 the delusions have really taken over my brain. I need to stop thinking about gojo so much and go outside and touch some grass. Either way, I am not disappointed at all and I am so excited to see what the next chapter has to offer😈 (i NEED drama)

-🍦

ANOTHER ONE TO BREAK DOWN LETS GOO

1. Well, Ino & the reader did just flirt with each other a few nights ago so him looking at her like he wants to fuck her isn’t rlly tht off ^.^

2. I KNOW RIGHT UGH I NEED TO EAT HIM BRO😩 PARR THOSE THIGHS AND LEMME GOBBLE GOBBLE- anyways, yes he’s very bbg & ilhsm!!

3. I need her to js whip the strap out in the next chapter ngl😖

4. LMFAOOOO IM CRYING WAIT HELP😭 because im dyslexic I literally understand this sm HELP ME💀💀

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

for when you wake up: 3 (w/ kobra, 6, 9 and 16 + fun ghoul for the kj asks :PP

3 - What would they do if something happened to Kobra?

kind of depends on the something. if he's injured during a fight or something along those lines, ghoul's main priority becomes Getting Kobra The Fuck Outta Here. if it's am emotional something then ghoul will be there with distraction upon distraction to cheer him up- here lets go run over these paint filled balloons and/or small explosives with your bike! hey kobes wanna try out that new disarm you were practicing on me? you wanna binge all the karate kids with me?- and then more often than not as kobra calms down he'll eventually just start spilling whatever's up and ghoul will just listen and he rarely even has to say anything because he knows it'll understand. but if something really bad happened to kobra, like if kobra were to fucking die, i think ghoul would just shut down. he'd probably leave the diner with the intention of not coming back because it fucking hurts to live in the same spot his best friend had called home for so long. and maybe he'd be bitter about it, cursing kobra's name for fucking leaving him like that, like everyone else does, like he promised he never would. he wouldn't mean it but it'd blame him for dying- "youve won so many useless fucking fights why'd you have to give up now". i think hed talk to kobra a lot actually, under his breath, like hes still standing right next to him. maybe thats part of the reason why he leave the diner, he cant handle the pitying looks he gets

6 - What’s something they know they shouldn’t do and could get them in serious shit, but they still do anyways?

hes a little asshole that just loves pushing too far and saying all the worst shit to all the wrong people (see ttid chapter 2? i believe? as an example). its not like kobra where hes trying to pick fights, just sometimes he gets bored and when that happens he doesnt have as much control over his mouth so he speaks without thinking a loooooot more than usual. he also totally just. eats incredibly toxic chemicals when hes making bombs and shit. hes not deliberately gulping it down or anything but if be gets some on his hand (bc he Does Not wear gloves) he'll just lick it off. he figures hes already radioactive and shit anyways therefore chemicals cant fucking hurt him

9 - Get in, loser, we’re going back to middle school- what’s the edgiest song you associate with this character? (if you associate any songs with them, that is)

heres two bc i couldnt pick (the first hasnt left my fucking mind for days bc of you)

16 - Where do they consider that “home” is?

i think, for the longest time, ghoul doesnt really believe in the concept of having a home yk? his home is with himself, he keeps on the move and never really settles down with any one crew or any once place (bc yk. trauma.) and i think its only when he's dying in the city that he realizes his home was the desert- the one constant he's had throughout his whole fucked up life. i think ghoul hates knowing hes gonna die in the city the most out of all of them because he should be dying at home dammit! he was born there, his entire life was spent there, he should get to die there too. and yeah dying with family for family is a close second, but its not the fucking same, and i think that homesick is one of if not the last emotions he ever feels

[lizzie-is-here]

Helloo here again to request another K.B fanfic where Kate purposely tries to get in an argument with Y/n so they would break up because she thought the king pin situation was getting a little too dangerous and she didnt want Y/n to be involved so she said harsh things to her till Y/n got really hurt and broke up with her but then Y/n still wanted to be friends with Kate so she kept bugging Kate till Kate stops ignoring Y/n again and they hang out with each other again and end up getting back together and Kate admits that she didnt mean everything and that it was all just to protect Y/n bcs she couldnt afford losing her and she also says she still really loves and cares for Y/n and always has bcs Kate realized nothing can or will separate her from Y/n?😊💜

Ooo can u pls make it really angsty to and fluffy in the end? Tysm!💜

(Hope it's not to much😅)

Fem R to btw Tyyy!

Lots of love!💜

🤍request!🤍

character: kate bishop x fem!reader

warnings: cussing, angst, arguing, kate being an ass with good intentions

a/n: ok i changed it around a little bit, but i tried my best on the arguing 😭 it hurt to write y’all but it was emotionally satisfying in a weird way too. anyway hope u enjoy!

“You know, it’s, uh… It comes with a price.”

“What does?”

“This life you wanna live. To really help people. I mean, try to help people, anyway. Comes with a lot of sacrifices. And some things you’ll lose… forever.”

When Kate texted you saying that she needed to talk, you weren’t sure what to think. And now, standing out in the freezing cold outside of your shared apartment, you still aren’t.

“What do you mean, ‘break up’?” you ask, watching Kate’s face fall. “We’ve been together for two years, I thought it was going really well. Did I do something wrong-“

She shakes her head immediately, instinctively dropping into Protective Girlfriend™️ mode.

“No, no, no, no, no no,” she says. You narrow your eyes.

“Then what’s going on? Why aren’t you being honest with me?” You take her hand. “I want to help you. I promise, whatever it is, we can figure it out together.”

Ouch. Right in the heart. Kate sighs, steeling her resolve as she realizes this is gonna be a lot harder than she anticipated.

“Why does it matter?” she demands, raising her voice. “Every time I look at you, my stomach just fucking drops. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand you. Whatever we had, it’s gone now.”

“Not everything can be solved by just ‘talking it out’, and I know that that’s hard for you to understand, but it’s true. I gave up on us months ago.” She forces each word out, hoping that you’ll break up with her quickly and she won’t have to spew more lies.

But instead of backing down, you fire back. “You’re still lying! Kate, what is going on?”

You know her too well. All of the late nights and early mornings, all of the movie nights and drives to nowhere built up. And now you know each other better than yourselves.

She knows what she needs to do, no matter how much it’s going to hurt.

“I’m not sure how much more obvious I can be, (Y/N), the signs are everywhere. I don’t love you anymore!”

You don’t reel back like they do in movies. You don’t flinch. You go deadly still, meeting the gaze of the woman you love, and you take a shaky breath.

“I hope whatever you’re doing all this-“ You gesture around. “-for is worth your efforts. Because I clearly wasn’t.” Your eyes flit over her form. “Goodbye, Kate.”

You hurry inside before the tears fall, leaving her alone in the cold. She nods in satisfaction, even if she’s emotionally wrecked now. She won. She came here to do one thing, and she accomplished that.

As Kate walks away, though, it still feels like she lost.

———————————————————————

After that night, you were what one would call a hot mess.

You were already on break from college, but you were moping around even more than usual over the past few days. To lift your spirits, you had tried nearly anything that took your mind away from your girlfriend.

So now, your apartment smelled like cookies (several plates of which were stashed away), there were several bags from your retail therapy trip, and the TV had only displayed Hallmark Christmas movies for the past 48 hours. Plus, all of Kate’s things had been shoved into a closet.

But every time you put a new baked good into the oven or ordered another cart of clothes, you thought about Kate. You couldn’t help it.

In all fairness, when you spend that much time around someone and abruptly stop seeing them, you’re bound to miss them. Even if they were a bit of an asshat to you. At least, that’s what you told yourself.

On one hand, Kate had been very forthcoming about what she thought of you. And it wasn’t nice. You winced every time you remembered her harsh words.

On the other hand, something was clearly going on. And even if that didn’t give her behavior a pass, it provided an explanation.

Plus, if something serious was going down, you wanted to help her, even just as a friend.

It’s four days later, on Christmas morning, when you finally cave.

‘Hey, it’s me’ you type before quickly deleting it.

“Of course it’s you, dipshit,” you mumble.

‘Hey, I know things kind of went to shit the other day but if you wanna hang out and talk sometime I’d be totally up for that :)’

You analyze the message. “Is that too passive? Maybe.” After a few minutes of back-and-forth, you shake your head decisively. “No, it’s fine, I’m just gonna send it.”

Taking a few breaths to hype yourself up, you hit send and immediately fling your phone away.

“Oh, god, that’s too cringey, why did I send that, she’s gonna think I’m some desperate loser. I bet she’s telling me to fuck off right now-“

Grabbing your phone, you pause. No response. But she read it.

“So we’re playing that game,” you chuckle. “Alright, Bishop. Let’s go.”

———————————————————————

At the Barton’s house, Kate is miserable. She already feels bad enough for deliberately arguing with you and saying all that shit, and now you’re reaching out.

Well, more like sending messages every two minutes that get increasingly more passive-aggressively polite.

Kate’s phone displays 174 messages from your contact. A ding.

175.

She groans from the bottom of her soul, flopping onto the couch as Lucky licks her hand.

Clint, being the perceptive Avenger/assassin he is, notices her very obvious wallowing.

“What’s wrong, kid?” he asks, not sure if he wants to hear the answer.

She pushes herself up. “Wait, you actually want to know?”

“Eh, not really.”

Laura gently elbows him as she grabs the shreds of wrapping paper from the floor to throw in the trash. “Clint…”

“Fine. Yes.”

“I started an argument with my girlfriend so she would break up with me and now she’s being too nice and asking to hang out this week and I don’t know what to do,” Kate sobs, burying her head into a throw pillow.

Clint holds up a hand. “Okay, slow down. Let’s start at the beginning. Why did you start a fight with her?”

Kate shrugs. “You said that this life came with sacrifices,” she reasons.

“And that correlates… How?”

“So I gave up something important so she wouldn’t get hurt.”

Clint thinks he might have an aneurysm right then and there. “Kate. Kate. What part of ‘This life comes with sacrifices’ equals ‘break up with your girlfriend’?”

She opens and closes her mouth a few times. “Well, it just sounded like you were talking about sacrificing a person… or something.”

“I have a wife and three kids! I meant your private life and your free time!” he exclaims.

Kate bolts up faster than Nathaniel Pietro Barton’s second namesake and grabs her phone.

“Oh my god, I have to apologize. I need flowers, and lights, and jewelry, and-“

“Calm down, kid,” Clint says. “First things first, you need a quick flight back home. I’ll call in a favor from Tony, I’m sure he can get you a quick flight.”

Ten minutes later, Kate’s packed up and ready to go, and a private jet is getting ready at the airport. After hugging the Barton family goodbye and wishing them a Merry Christmas, her and Clint scramble into the car and drive off.

They make it to the airport in record time, skipping security with a single flash of Clint’s ID.

“Alright, you better not screw this up,” he says.

She nods, bouncing on her heels. “Yeah. Yeah, I won’t. I’ve got this.” Jumping at the archer, she pulls him into a hug. “Okay, thanks so much gotta go, bye!”

———————————————————————

You gave up after three hours of messages, resorting to moping about. Some Christmas this was.

It’s 7:30 and pitch black outside when you hear a knock on your door. You pause before opening it, until you hear a familiar voice.

“Please open this! I don’t wanna drop your gifts- I mean my stuff!”

“Kate?” You fling open the door.

Your girlfriend (Ex? Whatever, technicalities) is carrying a bouquet of lily of the valleys and sprigs of holly, a jewelry box, and a disturbingly large bag of holiday foods.

“I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry, and I want to explain. You don’t have to take me back, just, please, hear me out?”

You don’t have the heart to turn her away, so you nod, stepping aside as she shuffles in.

She drops everything on the counter, sinking into the couch. You sit, keeping a bit of distance.

“You said you wanted to explain,” you begin, nodding to her. “So?”

Despite the jet lag, Kate rushes into the story.

“So, this is going to sound crazy, but I’ve spent the last six days with Clint fucking Barton- I know, insane.”

Your eyebrows raise. Her literal hero? Damn, so that’s what was going on with that giant arrow and the rumors of a second Hawkeye.

“And we were dealing with some pretty dangerous people. Mob bosses, mercs, Russian assassins, you know.”

You didn’t know.

“And… I thought if they figured out about our relationship, you’d be in danger. And I couldn’t let you get hurt from my mess.”

“I’m sorry I went about it the way I did. You were right, I should’ve just talked to you about it. I was just so… scared.”

You soften. Yes, she made a mistake. A big-ass mistake. But she made it from a place of worry and love. Smiling, you take her hand.

“I forgive you. I know you must’ve been worried, and everything must have been going so fast…” She begins to sniffle and you pull her into a hug. “You had good intentions, Kate. It’s alright now.”

She buries her face in your hair. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean any of the shit I said, I was just-“ Unable to manage more words, she just shakes her head.

You softly shh her, nodding in understanding.

“Does this mean I can stay here for a while?” she asks, voice shaking. “‘Cause I had to arrest my mom and I really don’t want to live with my stepdad after she framed him for murder and I tried to chop off his face.”

“Kate, baby,” you chuckle. “You’ve had a tough few days, huh?” She only groans. “Of course you can stay. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I kicked you out of our apartment?”

She jumps from your arms before you can react, wide-eyes and suddenly 12x more hyper.

“You’re taking me back?”

You nod, smiling at her antics. Without a pause, Kate scoops you up, spinning around in circles as you squeal. “Oh my god, thank you! I’ll never pull that shit again, (Y/N), I promise.”

“I know, I know,” you laugh as she slows, still holding you up. “I am making you do the dishes for two months, though.”

She leans in to kiss you. When you part, she shrugs. “I’ll gladly do all the dishes if it means you’re still my girlfriend.”

[sollucets]

thai bl favorites as tagged by @khaotunq !!! love u jay thank u. here is the original post. all these gifs are mine

heads up note: i tried to avoid repeating myself

Favorite BL: like jay, i’m going to pick something besides the eclipse, but i’m not going to pretend it’s not my actual favorite. it is. i’m just using eclipse in another slot here. so for this one i’m going to pick my school president, my beloved. very nearly, in my eyes, a perfect show

Favorite Pairing: akkaye. forever for the rest of my life to my grave maybe. couldnt put anyone else here

Most Underrated Actor: idk underrated, but whatever amount you guys are appreciating fluke pongsakorn clearly isn’t enough. have you seen him?? hes also very good at his job. his devastated lil faces and his heart eyes, they get me

Favorite Character: you guys already know it’s aye come on this isn’t even fair. ehm…. if you discount the answer everyone already knows, then i think the answer is. well. it’s akk actually but im trying to pretend i have varied interests okay. third is my beloved brave boy heart moonlight chicken

Favorite Side Character: the cats from triage tay kinnporsche my gender beloved. my darling

Favorite Scene: ive said it several times that im not quite as unhinged about bad buddy as my beloved friends and mutuals but i do love it wholeheartedly and there’s really no way to ever beat the rooftop kiss. who’s doing it like them

(also: akkaye first real kiss. mlc alanwen divorce dinner / heartliming finger spiders. manner of death club kiss from e1. between us e9 rain hug. triage clock tower kiss. akk grabbing aye’s thigh.)

Favorite Line: i honestly think those stupid gmmtv jokes are hilarious (by bicycle, you will if i go). that said i’m going to nominate a recent one: pisaeng and his “when are you going to stop doing this”, for hurting me just so fucking bad

(eclipse only speed round: you’re allowed to be weak. i love you and i want you to love yourself. you can change, akk. why don’t you sit on akk’s lap? you’re my space. i love you, shortstop)

Most Anticipated BL & Why: i mean. if i give another answer than only friends youre all going to stare at me and say “rowan you wrote like 7k of raysan fic already dont lie to my face” and youll be right to do so

Healthiest Relationship in a BL: i agree with jay, but i want to nominate my beloved winteam, once they actually manage to talk to each other. consent! vulnerability! blatant pda! therapy!

Most Toxic Relationship: whatever sanray will be will take this spot for sure, but for now, the toddblack that could’ve been. so divorced you put each other in reciprocal comas 🥰

Guilty Pleasure Series: i …. like? …. love in the air. i despise love in the air. i lovehate love in the air. i feel an immense indescribable unnameable passion about love in the air. ive deleted multiple 1k+ essays about love in the air. i like skyrain and i mean that romantically. do you understand

some tags (if you want to play feel free to say i got you, too!): @troubled-mind, @chickenstrangers. warning this is Hard :(

[yaoikage]

i dont get why people hate sakura but i also dont get why some people really like her its all just so confusig to me

short answer i think she fucking owns and is funny and its hilarious that she is qualified enough to do surgeries on people at like age 15.

long answer basically i dont know how kishimoto did it but somehow he didnt give sakura any justice and yet was forced to write a woman just enough for her to have a deeply compelling character trait (which never gets any real resolution or development because again kishimoto hates writing women and does everything in his power not to), which is her selfishness born out of insecurity and just wholehearted self-loathing. like sakura fucking HATES herself, it is continually shown how insecure she is in herself even during childhood up until the very end of the series. her whole arc revolves around trying to prove herself, and while i think a lot of it is due to kishimoto just not bothering to resolve her character arc, the fact that she never seems to be happy with what shes achieved despite how much of it she has really speaks to that insecurity. she genuinely cares about her friends and yet she cannot feel confident in herself without proving to them that she is useful which leads to some extremely questionable decisions on her part. she and sasuke, on some level, do genuinely care about each other in part 1, but the romantic side of her "love" is, according to kishimoto himself, completely arbitrary, and more than anything is built on wanting to make herself feel more secure. her and sasuke are friends but it never goes deeper than that because she cant and wont try to understand him, which leads to the talk right before sasuke leaves konoha where trying to convince him to stay revolves around how SHE would feel about him leaving, which sasuke obviously disliked. by the end of the series this hasnt changed because despite caring about him, she has failed to try and understand him enough to help him in any real way- and like, what i have described here is why a lot of people hate her, because theyve decided to blame it all on some sort of inherent malice she posesses (i dont feel like getting into how most of the people who do so also would not act like this if she was a male character, we all know this i wont make this into even more of an essay). but like, its not! none of it is malicious! its shown time and time again that she genuinely cares about team 7 and the rest of her friends, but her unresolved self-hatred gets in the way of going about it in a healthy way. and thats WHY i think she is so compelling as a character, and WHY i get so angry about how badly she was robbed. again i think at least a chunk of this is genuinely accidental on kishimotos part because he couldnt bother to write sakura, but accidental or not it doesnt make it any less compelling to me. sakura my fucking oomf forever and ever until the day i die

[slaythespire]

im sorry my tumblr followers who dont know me im mad rn, im just rambling mad under a readmore again thanksss

listen its not that i need to be dating someone im just chilling. in fact rn i would not want to date anyone.

but i HATEEEE HATE seeing people say shit like "You dont need anyone, you should learn to be happy without someone else in ur life! why do you need someone else! just be happy without that!" well damn sue me for wanting someone to deeply love me who i deeply love back!! why is that such a bad thing to want!! obviously if you cant function without being in a relationship that's not good, but people always say that shit to someone going "i feel unlovable and like no one will ever want me" and it feels so meanspirted!! damn!!

its been like almost a year since i got ghosted and i know its annoying to hear people complain abt the same thing over and over again. but its just HARD bcus i feel stupid, and used. i really thought my ex was like, THE person, we talked abt getting married and how we'd combine our last names, abt moving in together, supported each other through everything. when i was in inpatient this person called me almost everyday i was there to say hi and check in on me. i thought my future involved them and then they just dropped me without even an explanation. never in a million billion years did i think that would happen (outside of my bad brain telling me it would, which, well i was right so LOL) bcus they were my best friend of 8 years!!

and its scary bcus it makes me think there must be something wrong with me/"how could anyone ever love me when even the person who dated me for 6 years didnt". and people always say things like "you haven't met everyone who will care about you yet" but what if i have, and my one chance at having a relationship i was so happy in was ruined bcus the other person is a self-obsessed asshole who lied to my face abt so much for who KNOWS what reason. WHATEVER.

i feel like when i make posts like this i come off as an insane person in the "no wonder they broke up with you" way, but i promise im actually normal ive just been very emotionally ripped to shreds by a very bad breakup. barely a breakup bcus it was over TWITTER DM. whatever im just gonna be one of those people that obsesses over fictional characters so much i think were in a relationship.

i just rlly rlly wonder what their reasoning for doing this to me was and if they feel bad abt it. or if they think its funny, or if they just dont care. i also wonder if they think they can just message me one day and apologize and think itll be okay (i dont think this will happen, i used to but i dont anymore)

i lean towards they just dont care, i doubt they even think about what they did lol. i mean i HOPE they feel bad, but i dont think thats true. id be shocked if i ever heard from them again which is just, crazy. 8 years of knowing someone and it ends like that through no fault of your own. i wish i had a screenshot of the break up dm id post it in a heartbeat so anyone who actually read this far would feel whiplash like i do. (filled to the brim with "i love you so much" "i feel horrible for hurting you and i hate that im doing it" "i really care about you" "i hope you stay in my life bcus youre my best friend").

and it makes me really sad bcus OFC we would have stayed friends, i loved them so much that while id be sad abt breaking up i would still want them in my life. (WE EVEN TALKED ABT HOW IF WE BROKE UP WE ALWAYS THOUGHT WE'D STAY FRIENDS). but even in my fantasy world where they reach out after a few years all apologetic and guilty i just couldnt do it anymore.

one more but i don't understand what would compel someone to say all that knowing theyre lying and dont give a fuck about you, like it only comes off as evil and fucked up and cruel to me, so how else am i supposed to take that.