#and my joints are generally not very good even aside from my problem hip

[technoxenoholic]

apparently the average person can walk about 7 kilometers in a day every day so i'm still not meeting average with my Highest Distance In A Day Record (6km as of yesterday, and i was definitely pushing it in the last 1–1.5 so maybe i will not try that again for a very long while)

but like, considering only 2km total was my boundary for "pushing it" most days when i started doing daily (with a few exceptions) walks this past spring, i am actually making huge progress. so. personally, i'm considering this a very huge win.

[sachermorte]

hi roland

i noticed you use a forearm crutch and i wanted to ask for some advice, if that’s okay with you

i just got my very first forearm crutch (and mobility aid in general) today and um. it’s very scary to use it in public :’)) i just wanted to ask if you have any advice on how to give less of a fuck about people staring and judging, and how to feel more confident with using it in public

thank you :’)))

Servus, Anon, you caught me just coming back from the gym. I'm happy to talk about this before I go jump in the shower and pretend I don't exist for twenty minutes.

I've been using some flavor of mobility aid since I was around eighteen years old, so let's just round it up and call it a full decade. I started with a cane, had to upgrade to two forearm crutches three years in, and knocked myself back down to just one crutch around three or four years ago. I've been carrying around a giant metal pole for so long I don't really remember what it felt like to go without it, so I suppose I really am the best person to ask.

This is long. Table of contents provided here, cut to follow.

On Judgment

On Theater

On Discrimination

1. On Judgment

The first point I want to impress upon you is that people really, earnestly, don't give nearly as much of a fuck about you as you think they do. People are inherently self-centered. This isn't the same thing as selfish, mind you. People can be good and generous and kind while still being fundamentally self-centered. That's the price of admission for being an individual. People live in their own bodies and deal with their own problems and primarily concern themselves with their own affairs. They might look at you, but that's because the way that the human brain works is that it wants to take in new pieces of information. A young person with a mobility aid is "unusual", so they're just filing it away in their endless filing cabinet of Things That Exist On Planet Earth. It's no huge drama.

To continue on a slightly different angle, the therapist-esque "no one's judging you I promise!!! do YOU go out on the street and judge people on what they look like?" never worked on me because yes, actually, I do. I think people are out here dressed tragically and with bad haircuts and with the most hideous shoes I've ever seen, and I think it very often. But here's the thing: I see someone, I judge wholeheartedly, and then immediately move on. Any given person occupies less than two full seconds in my consciousness before I go back to what I was doing and forget about them literally forever. This is how random, shitty, petty judgments happen. These people are irrelevant to your life and your story. You will almost certainly never speak to them on the subject*. If people think about you at all, it won't even be unkind. It'll be "Oh, I wonder what's going on there. Anyway." I promise. Kerry Weaver used a forearm crutch on nine seasons of ER before it was explained, and people dealt with it just fine.

I suppose I'm lucky in that I live in Vienna. You would be hard-pressed in Vienna to get anyone to give a shit about you and what you're doing if you were shot in the street. I consider this one of the best things about the city. I've known people who only very delicately broached the subject of my crutch after knowing me for over two years. And it was when I was already complaining about my hip joint. "Ah, that's why you have the crutch, I suppose." "How very right you are." "Anyway, you were saying?" I've had multiple people mention that they forget I even have it. It just melds into their map of what Roland looks like. Doesn't even warrant thinking about. The one time I had a stranger ask me about it was three years ago, and it was a little kid. I told him it was because I never ate my vegetables. I laughed. His dad laughed. Everyone moved on. Aside from that, it only comes up if someone asks me if I might like to take their seat on public transportation (I might, indeed), or someone offering to let me use the staff elevator or waving me through a priority queue. Nobody cares.

*If you live in America, the last paragraph is unfortunately not applicable. I've experienced the height of rudeness in America. People grabbing me to ask me questions, people literally laying hands on me to pray without permission. I once had someone pull out one of my earbuds to ask me what was wrong with me. You are allowed to shout at these people. The best way to get rid of them is to make an absolute scene. I wholeheartedly advocate for tactically losing your shit. Also, your crutch was practically formulated in a lab to be good at hitting people. Consider thoroughly.

2. On Theater

Even taking all of this into account, though, having a mobility aid is new for you, and new things are frequently scary. This brings me to my very favorite tactic for navigating the world: delusion. When I have to do something I'm not used to doing, or go somewhere I'm unaccustomed to, my first thought is always "what character am I playing while I'm there?" I recently started going to the gym and always dress as Favoriten-chic as I can get with my present wardrobe. When I have to file an important piece of paperwork, I dress very respectably in gray and black. When I was at my job in the garderobe last year around a bunch of ÖVP-Wähler, I dressed mostly in vintage menswear.

What kind of characters exist in the greater public consciousness that often use canes or staves? Aristocracy is and always has been my mask of choice. You, however, might choose a swashbuckler. A Tolkien-esque wizard or someone living in The Shire. A knight. A monk. An outdoorsman. Partaker of organized crime. Jay Gatsby roaring 20s billionaire. Whatever you choose is going to be your cover until you feel like your crutch is an extension of your body and you don't need the pretense anymore. You're cosplaying. It might take a few months. A few years. You might decide you like your persona so much you never take it off. That's also fine.

Again, I live in Vienna, and people stare at you here. It's just a thing. It's culturally accepted. Half the time we're not even staring at you. We're staring through you. Einfach nur ins Narrenkastl schaun. But because I dress the way I do and move the way I do through the world, if people are staring at me, the last reason I'm going to even think about is the crutch. It's usually the outfit.

Also, that point earlier about people being fundamentally self-centered? I'm so absurdly self-absorbed it's a miracle I can even see where I'm going. I've had friends, multiple times, go "those people were STARING at you" and I honest to God did not even notice. Not even a little bit. When I have company I'm too wrapped up in saying outrageous shit. When I'm alone I always have headphones in. My leitmotiv is inescapable. Which really only helps to reinforce the vibe I'm pushing out all the time.

3. On Discrimination

If you wanted me to write that no one would treat you any differently, I'm sorry to say that that's not the case. Don't get me wrong, there are many benefits, both physical and social. Your pain will go down significantly, that's for sure. You'll be able to walk faster. You'll be able to be out longer, and experience more things. I personally get to use Cripple Privilege to get out of anything I don't want to do. I almost always get a seat on public transportation, even during rush hour. I can press-gang friends into carting shit around for me. Just yesterday I had help carting two vintage hardwood and leather dining chairs from the third to the tenth. I did not carry either of the chairs. I just trotted along and chattered everyone's ear off.

But people do tend to make assumptions about what you are and aren't capable of. The extreme praise when I started going to the gym didn't really sit right with me, and I'm not going to bother saying anything about it because what's the point? In the minds of other people, they're being supportive, not condescending. Your dating pool will shrink significantly, because again, people make assumptions about what you are and aren't capable of, and often just don't want to date a disabled person. If your partner is okay with it, their family likely won't be. My ex's family said some HORRIBLE things to and about me about how I was "dragging him down" and "forcing him to take care of me". He didn't defend me. This was the least of many, many problems with that entire relationship, but I still found it incredibly unpleasant. My issues in my love life aren't solely due to my condition, so don't fall into despair prematurely, but I can't pretend that it isn't a contributing factor.

After that relationship ended, I wound up cutting out most of our former mutual friends, not only because of their lack of support, but due to them constantly posting those pastel uwu "you're so valid!!!" positivity and (mis)information posts surrounding disabilities, which felt incredibly infantilizing and condescending. Again, I'm sure they would insist they were being supportive. If I ever see another one of those posts again it'll be too soon.

In any case. You will live a long, meaningful, fruitful life. And the crutch will be a part of you. For now. For a while. Maybe forever. That's okay. That's fine. Maybe in ten years you'll be just as jaded and nonchalant about the whole business like I am now. That doesn't make your apprehension about the situation any less real. But I'm telling you now that the life you want always lies on the other side of a massive pain in the ass.

You'll muddle through somehow, with alternating bouts of clumsiness and grace. We all do, after all.

[fandom-scatteredthoughtsonpaper]

OBEY ME BROTHERS FAVORITE/PREFERRED MASSAGE AREAS

Being demon lords, student council officers, attending classes, suffering with each other’s bullshit all day, dealing with MC’s antics, and personal affairs has to be stressful and tiring. So MC occasionally offers to massage most of the brothers to help them relax!

Mammon:

At first Mammon was hesitant and mocking about getting casual massages from you so often, because why would he ever need them??

Eventually his tune changed and he almost demands them now, and daily too.

But don’t expect it’s because he actually thinks you’re good at it or anything. He just lets you do it because who wouldn’t want to touch THE Great Mammon, even though he should charge you for taking up his time

Although if you threaten to stop your sessions Mammon backtracks so fast you’re surprised he didn’t get some form of whiplash from it

You quickly learn he has a lot of preferences for where you can massage

His main favorite area is the middle of his shoulder blades in his upper back. Being tied so tightly and hung up from the ceiling has to be killer on his muscles here. This area feels so tense and rigid you’re surprised Mammon doesn’t complain about how sore this area must feel. You use your knuckles for this area moreso than your fingers to help relieve the knots.

His second spot is the middle of the back of his head that aligns with the tips of his ears. You personally think he just likes the touches and caresses you give while playing lightly with his hair, because sometimes you feel his body shivering and see the flutter of his eyes as he loses himself to the touch of your hands

Belphegor:

It’s hard to really pinpoint any definite locations on his body, because he falls asleep so damn quickly

The moment you start he’s already comfortable and beginning to doze off

You have learned he likes the top of his head being rubbed and scratched with occasional trips from your hands going down to his neck and massaging the muscles there

You assume he might have a preference for massages on his hips and pelvis area, but you don’t know for certain because he’s out like a busted light the moment you start working there

Beelzebub:

He doesn’t initially seem to be affected by massages much, and you even wonder if he likes them

Eventually you learn it’s because you’re not going to the areas that actually affect him, because you’re usually working on regions that are more commonplace for massages

You’re surprised you didn’t think to start here first! It’s his stomach. Of course

It’s a bit awkward and odd starting off, but you eventually get the gist of where he seems to like your therapeutic touches

The first spot you learned he responded to positively was around his naval, a couple inches from his belly button

The second spot isn’t very far from the first. It’s actually just below his naval.

When you massage his toned stomach it makes you think of a cat kneading its bed, because, honestly, that’s all you’re doing with your fingers. There’s not much technique required for Beel

You do learn on one occasion when Beel complained about his jaw hurting that he likes to have you use your thumb or index finger’s knuckle to lightly yet firmly press against the beginning of his jawline under his ears. Not very often though. Only when his jaw cramps from eating big mouthfuls of food

Leviathan:

After Levi had his back problems, struggled to stand, and walked around looking like an old grandpa you offered to help him loosen up his muscles whenever he had long gaming sessions

You’re surprised by his affirmation to let you when he’s normally so against physical contact or having anyone so intimately close

You’re astounded by how many locations he has that he prefers to be manipulated into relaxation by your fingers

Obviously he generally enjoys his back being massaged. The more you learn and work around his back regions, however, you find more spots he seems to respond to positively. Nothing particular but you linger on them longer, especially around the center where his spine and pelvis join into his hips

You learn his hands and wrists are a big spot for him. He especially enjoys between his thumb and index finger joints because of his constant hand positions with his controllers and handheld consoles. He likes the inside of his wrists being lightly rubbed between the bone and main blood vein

He likes a good behind the ear rubdown as well from the stress caused by his headphones

Satan:

Satan was actually a lot easier to persuade than you thought initially

Being the Avatar of Wrath, unsurprisingly, causes a lot of anger and stress.

You’re impressed how Satan can maintain such a calm and collected attitude most of the time until you start getting into massaging and you feel his back

You can easily feel the aggravated muscles and tense knots in his shoulders and back region.

When you first started you could feel his muscles twitch as you worked to undo the tension from them. Satan would sometimes sigh audibly as you had more sessions and learned where to center your attention

He’s not really receptive to massages in other areas aside from his back and shoulders

Asmodeus:

Asmo has mentioned several times that he has sensitive skin so you have to be delicate with his body~

So you’ve learned his favorite spots to massage over time based on his reactions and comments

The first favorite spot you learn is his calves on the inside just above his ankles

The second area is just right above his crotch region where his hips hinge and meet his lower stomach. It’s a small area, and sometimes you miss it, but when you find it and slowly press on it, Asmo will definitely let you know!

He likes his massages to be slow and intimately sensual, gentle yet reaffirming on the touches

Lucifer:

Ah. Lucifer.

He was amused when he started hearing from his brothers that you apparently have magic fingers. He was impressed when he noticed how Satan started loosening his shoulders in his stance. It was a subtle change that the other boys wouldn’t have noticed, but Lucifer did.

Lucifer has yet to come to you for a massage, but you have a feeling it’ll be soon

You can’t help but think what his places would be. Maybe he has a rigid back from how straight he stands and sits all the time. He’s always at his desk, so maybe he has strained shoulders and arms. Maybe he has headaches so head massages could be a central area?

You’ll know eventually

If you have any requests/headcanons for the brothers, don’t hesitate to send them to me! I had fun doing this one on my own, so I want to do more. SFW/NSFW is okay, but please, remember I have a right to refuse any I don’t want to do. ❤️

[thinknicht]

Sakura raises her hand before the tenth question🤯

Sakura stared at the back of Naruto’s head and  thought furiously. She felt her heart reaching out to him. He was so determined, so very set on becoming Hokage, on reaching his silly dream… it broke Sakura’s heart to think that he might never be able to keep dreaming if he failed this exam. She didn’t want to see that fiery spirit crushed.

Logically, Sakura knew that she had gotten every question right. And Sasuke-kun was probably going to pass as well. But Naruto… there was no way he had answered a single question correctly. This was way above academy level, way beyond Naruto’s capabilities. In fact, Sakura hadn’t seen him write at all!

Her poor teammate. It must be so hard for him – his pride wouldn’t let him give up, but if he didn’t, he would never reach his dreams. The consequences of failing were too dire. Not just for him, but for the entirety of team seven.

Sakura wondered. Should she raise her hand…?

To be honest, quitting now left a bad taste in her mouth, especially as she had done amazing. But  Kakashi-sensei was right. His words of wisdom came back to her. Those who  break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their teammates are worse than scum! She couldn’t be so selfish, not when Naruto might never…

Ahem. She felt terrible. And to think that only a few months ago she’d thought of him as an annoyance rather than a teammate…

She wished so badly that she could help him… the question popped into her mind again. Should she raise her hand to soften the blow for him? The idea of giving up, especially after acing the test left a bitter taste in Sakura’s mouth. But was it really giving up, or was it just a strategic retreat? After all, team seven could still try again next year, when they were more experienced and better prepared to tackle the chunin exams. Sakura recalled her old academy instructor, Iruka-sensei, preaching to her class about patience being a virtue that would help them greatly in their ninja careers. Keeping his advice in mind, Sakura thought, and thought, and thought… and made up her mind.

(Little did she know that this decision would change the course of her entire life.)

She raised her hand.

In a heartbeat, one of the chunin proctors on standby cried out team seven’s assigned numbers, saying they’d been disqualified.

Sakura felt like she was in a dream  as she slowly got up and stumbled toward the door. She saw her rival, Ino, staring at her with clear surprise. She could almost physically feel all eyes in the room trained on her.

As soon as team seven was outside of the testing room, Sakura knew she’d made a mistake. Both of her teammates seemed mad. She tried to explain her thought process, that they could try again when they were better prepared, but it was to no avail. Naruto’s arms were crossed, and she felt like she was talking to a brick wall for all that Sasuke-kun reacted. His eyes were clouded with hate. The only thing about him that was moving was his jaw, which was clenching ominously.

“I have to become strong,” he interrupted her suddenly.

“But Sasuke-kun, you already are!” cried Sakura.

“Stronger,” Sasuke grit out, his eyes filled with condemnation. “You’re worse than the dead-weight, Sakura. Didn’t you hear me? What I have isn’t a dream, it’s an ambition.  You don’t understand. I have to do this. I have to kill that man. I can’t afford to–“ He cut himself off. “You’re wasting my time.” He was giving Sakura a narrow-eyed stare, borderline a sneer, his breaths ragged, and before she could make her excuses, he’d shoved past her brusquely.

“Huh? Huh?” Naruto was looking between them nervously. “Oi, teme! The person you wanted to kill, it’s not me, right?” He wasn’t looking at Sakura. She wasn’t sure whether it was a conscious decision on his part (knowing Naruto, probably not), but it was clear that he was avoiding to look in her general direction. Was he also angry at her?

 …that ungrateful twat!

Sakura could feel her tears building. She couldn’t stomach the thought that both her teammates hated her.

“No,” was all Sasuke said as he walked away.

Naruto was about to follow him, but Sakura clasped his arm. She tried to explain herself:

“Naruto, don’t you see? You’re a baka, you would’ve failed the test for sure, and then you wouldn’t have been able to become hokage anymore!”

He squinted at her moodily. “What are you talking about, Sakura-chan! A stupid test like that wouldn’t have stopped me! Believe it!”

“Hm!” Her throat felt raw. “See if I care, the next time!”

Naruto looked at her for a moment. “Sakura-chan…” He gave her a searching look, but said nothing. They stood there for a moment, awkwardly, until Naruto grimaced sheepishly. Then, he turned around and ran to catch up to Sasuke.

Well, at least he still called her Sakura-chan. She never would’ve thought that hearing it would be a relief. Sakura’s shoulders sagged.

She could practically hear Ino singsonging: "My, my. How the mighty have fallen, hm, Forehead?"

Kakashi found them as they were exiting the building. He didn’t try breaking the ominous silence. It was truly a testament to his laid-back personality that he could manage to read his Icha Icha book in such a tense situation. For once, both Naruto and Sasuke seemed to have set aside their differences to build a joint front against Sakura.

Seemingly unaffected in the least, Kakashi, meandered ahead of them, leading the three genin back to the red bridge where they usually met in the mornings. “So.” He propped his hip against the bridge. “What gives?”

There was an uncomfortable moment of silence.

“We didn’t pass.” Sakura forced herself to break it.

Sasuke scoffed hatefully and Naruto crossed his arms again.

“Ma, ma. You guys are way too uptight about this. I wasn’t expecting you to pass either.”

“Liar!” Naruto shouted.

“We could’ve passed no problem!” Sasuke grit out, staring hatefully at Sakura again.

To be honest, Sakura wasn’t sure he’d looked at her so many times in a row in the entirety of their acquaintance. What did that say about her chances of dating him, she wondered sadly.

“I did expect you to pass the first stage,” Kakashi amended, scratching his head. Sakura noticed with a snap that he’d pocketed his book. “But I didn’t know that your proctor was Morino Ibiki.” His lone eye narrowed.

“Even so, we were about to pass,” Sasuke bit back, “but she ruined it!”

“Yeah! We still hadn’t heard the tenth question!” Naruto chimed in, but Sakura was still stuck on Sasuke's vitriolic words, on his hateful expression as he said them.

(But she ruined it, ruined it, ruined it.)

Did he… did he hate her now?

Sakura could feel moisture start prickling at her eyes. Discretely, she leaned over the bridge, facing in the opposite direction of Kakashi-sensei. Her tears fell unseen into the pretty blue water.

Suddenly, a hand fell upon her head, which she knew instinctively must be Kakashi’s.

“Ma… relax, you two. You’ll do a better job next time, ne?”

“Yeah, no!” Naruto shouted. “I wanna be hokage! I don’t have time to wait around for a year!”

“Neither do I, Kakashi,” Sasuke followed up with narrowed eyes.

“Strength doesn’t equal rank,” Kakashi drawled simply. “Even if you had made chunin (which probably wouldn’t be the case), as genin you will have more time to train. So! Let’s get to that tomorrow. We meet here as usual. Dismissed.”

When no one moved, Kakashi retrieved Icha Icha Paradise from his pouch and stuck his nose in it. This, as far as anyone was concerned, was the universal sign for "bugger off, brats". Still no one had moved (from what Sakura could tell), so Kakashi lazily waved a hand in dismissal and said: "Shoo."

And that seemed to do the trick.

"Shoo! He says! I'll say, when I'm hokage, no one will tell me that!" Sakura could hear Naruto's enraged muttering decrease in volume, along with another pair of footsteps which must be Sasuke's.

That was good. She didn't want them to see her tears. But neither did she want Kakashi to see them, and he had yet to leave. Instead of puffing away as usual, her sensei had remained right there next to her, leaning casually against the bridge as he thumbed trough the worn pages of his trusty novel.

It must be said that, during the course of the entire conversation, Sakura had been fighting to suppress her sobs. It had been a very long time since she'd been so overwhelmed by emotion, and, while she was successful at keeping quiet, her whole body was, though silently, shaking just the tiniest bit. But Kakashi-sensei wouldn't be a jonin worth his salt if he didn't notice such things, so of course, he pretended not to. And was very obvious about it.

“Uh, Sakura-chan…?” He sounded painfully awkward.

Unfortunately, Sakura didn’t think she could talk normally right then. Wisely, she chose not to reply, knowing all the while that she must be making Kakashi really uncomfortable, but unable to do anything about it. She couldn’t stop crying.

“Sakura-chan,” Kakashi tried again. “Come on. I know this nice little tea shop down the road. Let’s go there, ne? Your awesome sensei has free coupons!”

Sakura nodded shakily and followed a few steps behind him, swiping at her eyes.

They walked in silence for a while, but Sakura was starting to calm down. Kakashi-sensei had put a hand on her shoulder and was holding his usual book in the other. Sakura knew that he must be judging her, but at least he wasn’t being mean about it.

They made it to the tea shop.

“My eternal rival!” someone shouted. Sakura ignored the rude person until Kakashi actually replied.

“Yo!” Sakura looked up with surprise. Kakashi-sensei had lifted the hand from her shoulder, presumably to greet three ninja that were sitting on a table at the back.

The one who had shouted was by far the weirdest, with broad features, a bowl cut, eyebrows that resembled turnip leaves and a nose like a potato. The whole ensamble was completed by a bright green spandex outfit. Sakura looked away quickly; she didn’t fancy losing her eyesight. Next to him sat a man who was smoking (Ino pig’s sensei, her mind supplied) and a gorgeous woman with red eyes. Another man whom Sakura hadn’t noticed before was leaning against the wall behind them. He had very creepy round eyes… It was strange. She could've sworn that no one had been there before.

No wonder Kakashi had so many quirks, with weirdos like these as colleagues.

The man in the green spandex rushed forward. “My eternal rival! Had I known you’d come here, I’d have prepared a challenge for us to compete in!”

“Ah, no need, Gai,” said Kakashi. His hand went back to Sakura’s head, ruffling it. “I’m actually here with Sakura-chan…”

Sakura could practically feel the weight of all the adults’ gazes on her. Were they all jonin?! Kami.

Kakashi seemed largely unfazed. “Let’s get some tea.” He strolled toward the counter, ordering tea for the both of them.

“Hatake,” said the old lady in charge. “I swear if you’re planning to pay with those odious coupons again…”

“I suppose if you ask so politely, I can’t refuse.”

He began ruffling trough his pockets, pulling out scrolls, papers, an old key chain with no keys, a mask, a senbon that was encrusted with blood…

The counter was getting progressively more cluttered as Kakashi continued to produce things from his pockets. Sakura was starting to feel keenly embarrassed on his behalf, when finally Kakashi retrieved two crinkled pieces of paper from within a scroll that seemed to be filled with random bills and receipts. With a triumphant swoop, he placed them in the only empty spot on the counter.

“Hatake?” the woman was growling.

“Yes?”

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that?”

“I just like my tea better if it’s free,” Kakashi said with a smile. “It has a special kind of flavour.” He turned toward her. “Let’s get a table, Sakura-chan.” Then, he somehow grabbed everything he’d left laying around on the counter between his arms and ambled over to a table. Sakura was left to carry the tea.

Out of the corner of her eye, Sakura could see that all those weird jonin from earlier were staring at them with thinly veiled interest. The guy in green was giving Kakashi a thumbs up and bobbing his head up and down.

Kakashi turned to glare at them and suddenly they were all very interested in their tea. “So,” he said, giving Sakura an expectant look. “Fill me in?”

And without further fanfare, Sakura did. Her previous embarrassment about Kakashi’s antics had distracted her enough to feel significantly better already, and his nonjudgmental attitude was an added bonus. To be fair, it was freaking annoying that he was sorting trough the mess he’d made while she explained about the exam, but, in retrospect Sakura would've admitted that it made the whole process less tense.

Finally, she was done talking and looked at Kakashi expectantly. He looked very annoyed.

Oh, no! Not him too, thought Sakura mournfully.

But then Kakashi’s annoyance seemed to evaporate momentarily and he smiled instead. “Ma, I’m so proud, Sakura-chan. You’re going to make your sensei cry tears of joy.”

At Sakura’s stumped expression, he added:

“You put your teammates’ interests before yours, Sakura-chan. Naruto’s, specially, and I know you’re not as fond of him as Sasuke.”

Sakura blushed. That was the understatement of the year.

“But sensei… if what I did was right… why did we fail the test? It’s not fair!”

Kakashi’s face adopted the semi serious and annoyed quality it had had earlier. “Mmm… how to put this? Ibiki Morino and I don’t see eye to eye about some things. Let’s just say we have different priorities.”

Sakura frowned. “But sensei…” she took a sip of her warm tea for courage. “Even if he has a different nindo, I should have seen underneath the underneath…” She sighed. “Some ninja I am.”

Kakashi shook his head slightly, then propped his feet on the table and reopened his book. But he wasn’t done talking, apparently: “Sakura-chan. If I were you, I would consider your failure to pass like a job well done. Morino Ibiki is the head of the torture division here…  seeing underneath the underneath is a bit hard with him, wouldn’t you agree? But even then, he shouldn’t have used psychological warfare on you kids like that. Besides, logically, his test has no place in the chunin exams. Being chunin is about being able to work as a team. What he did was purposefully misleading and was encouraging you to put yourself above your teammates. You did good, Sakura-chan.”

“Really?”

"Un. The purpose of the first nine questions was to gather information and pass it on to your teammates if they couldn't, which neither of you did. The only one who came close to being concerned about the team was you, Sakura-chan." Kakashi took a sip of his tea, though, unfortunately, his face was still covered by his book. “Really. If both your teammates performed this badly, that just means they weren’t ready yet.” He grinned. “Besides, I can’t imagine Naruto cheating subtly to save his life.”

Wait. Information gathering? Cheating?! Sakura's eyes opened like saucers as Kakashi's words caught up with her.

“Ch-cheating, sensei?!”

He blinked at Sakura lazily from behind his book. “How else would you complete the test? Didn’t you mention the questions required advanced calculus?”

Sakura pouted. “So we were supposed to cheat?” Once again, she’d failed to think like a ninja. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

“Ma… at least that’s what I would’ve done. The sharingan’s handy like that.”

“You’re just lazy, sensei. I bet you could’ve solved every single question if you tried.”

“I wouldn’t presume so unless you told me what they are, Sakura-chan.”

And so, Sakura told him about the questions. A few had been about tactics, but mostly they were advanced calculus (for trajectory prediction and such) and one was about disarming a civilian bomb.

“Huh… those chunin went all out,” Kakashi opined when she was done explaining. “Most jonin wouldn’t know this stuff.”

“What about you?”

“Doubting your awesome sensei already, Sakura-chan?” He wiped and imaginary tear from his eye.

“So you can solve them?” That was good, Sakura could check the answers then.

“Maaa. You don't ask a lady her age, nor a jonin his IQ, Sakura-chan. Both will lie anyway." He winked. Okaaaaaay?  "Though I’d still inquire into the others’ responses, just to be safe, ne?”

Or in other words, he would still cheat because he was lazy. But at any rate, Sakura had a request: “So can I run my answers by you? I mean, I know I already failed, but…” Actually, she just wanted to see whether Kakashi knew his shit.

Kakashi slurped his tea. “I suppose your display of teamwork should be properly appreciated.”

“So…?”

“Shoot.”

“Oh, well… um, okay.” Naturally, Sakura had memorised everything about the test as usual, so discussing her answers with Kakashi took no effort on her part (she wrote it all out neatly on a spare napkin). They spent the next fourty or so minutes hashing it all out, and at one point Kakashi even put his book down to stare thoughtfully at the napkin.

It was nice. Sakura felt pretty darn smart right then, discussing complex problems with her sensei like that.

“Looks like you aced it,” Kakashi said at last. “Neat.”

Sakura couldn’t help but preen and fist-pump the air. “Cha! No need to cheat for me!”

“Ah, well…” Kakashi scratched his head. “Not in this case, no. But the real test, I think, was to see how good you were at information gathering and communication, not… uh… The elementary equations of ballistics.” He smiled uneasily. “How did you know this stuff again?”

Sakura blushed. Somehow, his comment made her think of Ino when she called Sakura a nerd. “Um. I just… like to rationalise stuff. And um… I like solving problems.”

“So you studied this in your free time?”

Sakura nodded.

“Well… how should I put this…”

Sakura interrupted him: “Yes, I know. It’s a waste of time and I should’ve spent the time training, not reading books.” She sighed. “It’s just… this is the only thing I’m good at. And not just good, but the best. It felt so nice, to, for once…”

“Sakura-chan, it’s fine. I understand. You know, sometimes we have to practice to get good at something.”

“I know…“ Sakura sighed. Of all things that she could’ve naturally excelled at, test-taking really wouldn’t have been her first pick. She recalled one of Amy’s favourite insults to her when she was little. “I’m such a paper ninja.”

“A paper ninja, huh?” Kakashi said.  “That’s not a bad thing. The only other person I know who could solve this sort of thing at your age used to be an ANBU captain, you know? The youngest we’ve had, I think.”

“Huh?” That actually sounded really cool. “So he was a paper ninja too?” Sakura asked giddily.

“Um…” said Kakashi uncomfortably. “Not exactly.” (Sakura’s shoulders sagged.) “But. He was very good at projectile motion calculations. He applied the knowledge to his own kunai throwing skills, with amazing results.” For some reason, he seemed uncomfortable while talking about the mysterious ANBU captain.

“What could he do?”

“Um, I think what surprised me the most was how he could neutralise various shuriken with a single one of his,” said Kakashi. “The one he threw rebounded off the others, which he used sometimes to deflect, others to attack.”

Sakura’s mouth fell open. “That’s possible?!”

“My thoughts exactly.”

Even theoretically speaking, that would be extremely hard to calculate. Actually pulling it off…

Sakura felt her competitive side stir. Could she do it?

“I see you’re all fired up,” Kakashi commented.

“Um. I guess I’d like to try. At least on a theoretical level.”

“Well, who am I to stop my favorite paper ninja?”

Despite herself, Sakura smiled. “Sensei! Calling someone a paper ninja is rude. You’re so clueless!”

“Mou, Sakura-chan. Calling a seasoned jonin clueless is way worse. Keep it up and you’ll hurt your poor Sensei’s feelings.”

“There’s nothing poor about you,” said Sakura without thinking. “Not with how stingy you are, anyways.”

“Now that’s a compliment!”

Sakura giggled. Huh. Sensei was funny. She hadn’t thought Kakashi’s general weirdness could be funny. Normally she was annoyed at him for being late. But after today, she thought he’d have to be really late for her to get mad.

“Sensei?” She took a final sip of her tea, which was now cold. “Thank you.”

Kakashi sensei smiled, his one visible eye crinkling: it seemed more genuine than usual. “Ma, the tea was free, so don’t worry about it.”

“Wait! I wasn’t thanking you about the tea!” But Kakashi-sensei had already puffed away.

Sakura facepalmed. “Scratch that. Totally clueless.”

[optimusphillip]

OptimusPhillip Reviews 27: Studio Series 52 Chromia, Arcee, and Elita-1

Christmas is coming soon, and while I can’t be sure of what I’m getting, I’d like to review a recent acquisition beforehand just in case I end up getting more this year. This is the Studio Series 52 three-pack of Chromia, Arcee, and Elita-1 from Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

Motorcycle Modes

According to TFWiki, all three of these figures turn into their bike modes from the movie; Chromia is a Suzuki B-King, Arcee is a Ducati 848, and Elita-1 is an EV Agusta F4. However, I can’t say I agree with that statement. There’s no licensing information on the box, and there are some visible discrepancies between the toys and the real bikes. Chromia’s headlight is split up and her side lamps are the wrong shape, Arcee is missing her front fender and most of her side panels, and Elita-1 is missing her rearview mirrors and has two headlights instead of just one. Some of these changes could be sacrifices for the sake of making bikes this small transform, but most of them just feel like working around licensing.

Paint deco is kind off here, too. While the base colors are right, all three bikes in the movie had a lot of black accents along with Cybertronian writing on their bodywork. In addition, all three had rims color-coded to their main body colors. None of these details carry over, likely due to size and budget issues. Instead, all we have is some black on the seats, and some silver for the windshields, headlights, gas caps, rims, and tail pipes. However, I think they still look nice, even if they aren’t 1:1 movie accurate.

Now, I mentioned the size earlier, and I should probably address that more properly now. These girls are tiny, only about 2 3/4″ tip to tail in bike mode. They are the smallest figures in the Studio Series line, which is probably for scaling reasons. While I don’t presently have any of the vehicles these bikes were seen alongside in the movie, putting her next to Dropkick in car mode, the scale looks about right for a motorbike next to a car, which I very much approve of.

Conversions

Being as small as they are, these three figures have very simplistic conversions. This is especially true of Chromia, whose transformation consists of folding out the rear seat to form her arm, bringing out the other arm, flipping the front and rear wheels and bringing up the head. Probably the hardest part is trying to tab the rear wheel into place when going back to bike mode, since it doesn’t really fit into the specified slot.

Arcee and Elita are a little more involved. For Arcee, you need to unhinge the lower and upper halves of the bike. From here, the upper half transforms easily enough (just remember to flip up her shoulder spike). The lower half, however, does a double-twist to put the body stem the proper position, then folds in half to create Arcee’s double wheel-foot.

Elita-1′s transformation is slightly different from Arcee and Chromia, in that her front wheel forms one of her arms instead of the rear seat. Once her arms are out of the way, along with her rear wheel-spike, the side panels of the bike rotate down, exposing a similar body stem to Arcee’s. From here, disconnect the front and rear of the bike by un-tabbing the gas tank, do a similar double-twist to Arcee, and then straighten out the rear wheel to form her wheel-foot. Fold the handlebars up, and you’re done.

All three sisters get detachable bases to keep them standing in robot mode. They don’t mount super-securely, nor do they store anywhere in vehicle mode, but they do their job well enough.

Robot Modes

While limited by their small size, these three figures are very faithful renditions of their CGI models from the movie. Some of the finer details are missing, again likely owing to their small size, but the general body shapes are there, and even subtle details like Elita’s folded up handlebars are included.

Upon close inspection, it appears that these three share a surprising number of parts. Arcee shares Chromia’s left shoulder and right forearm, Elita-1′s right shoulder, chest, and head, and all three share the same waist tooling and... hip piece, I guess.

For articulation, all three sisters have ball-joints in their necks, shoulders, elbows, and waists, plus a mushroom peg swivel leftover from transformation, which allows you to tilt their upper bodies if that’s a thing you want to do. I will warn you, however, that some of their arm joints can be loose. In my case, both Arcee and Elita have loose left elbows, and Arcee’s bike front shoulder is loose as well. Also, I’ve occasionally popped parts off during transformation, though it’s not often enough to feel like anything besides a problem with my end.

Aside from their robot mode stands, this set includes three additional accessories: a large pink gun, a large blue blade, and a small blue piece with silver piping. According to the instructions, the gun goes over Arcee’s right forearm, the blade goes on Chromia’s left forearm, and the small blue piece goes on... Arcee’s left shoulder. Yeah, this feels odd to me. It’s obviously colored to go with Chromia, and seems to only work with Arcee due to them sharing a left shoulder part, but the instructions give it to Arcee. That said, all three of these accessories are interchangeable across the two, since not only do they share right forearms to fit the gun, but Arcee also has pegs for the blade on her left forearm. Unfortunately, Elita kind of gets left out of the accessory swapping, though she does have her character model’s arm-blade sculpted into her left arm. Also, the shoulder piece isn’t super secure, especially on Chromia, who has some clearance issues with her large elbow and blade.

Now, normally, that would be it for the figures themselves... but there’s one more undocumented feature to discuss.

Combined Mode

I’m going to say this right now: as of me writing this review, there are no official instructions for this combined mode. A combined mode is clearly intentional judging by the engineering involved, but there is no confirmed official configuration. As a result, I will be following the method used by SparkSide - YRQRM0 on YouTube, which has made the best use I’ve seen of all the unique engineering.

In essence, this is just Arcee with Elita-1 forming a rear wheel, and Chromia forming a large backpack. The idea of the three combining is based on a deleted scene from Revenge of the Fallen that only exists as concept art, but this configuration has very little in common with that concept art. SparkSide’s original combination idea, while using less of the dedicated engineering, did more closely resemble that concept design. Still, this isn’t really bad in comparison. I like the centaur shape she has going on, and I still enjoy how Chromia’s arm parts fuse onto Arcee’s. While Chromia herself kind of just forms a backpack, it is a nice way of integrating her design. That said, Arcee loses all torso articulation, and her arms are a little clunky in this configuration. Still, it’s a fun little bonus feature that I’m glad they included.

Backdrop

The backdrop included with this set is branded “Shanghai Pursuit”, and is based on the opening sequence from Revenge of the Fallen, where the three pursue Sideways through the streets of Shanghai. Specifically, it shows the building that they burst through after narrowly avoiding killing an old Chinese man eating noodles. While the shot from the movie is very busy, all of the details I saw in the movie are present here, and there’s nothing here that seems out of place. So I’ll say it’s a successful recreation.

But now the million dollar question: do the figures fit on the base? Yes. The figures are so small in robot mode and have such narrow footprints that all three of them can stand side by side without crowding the base. They even fit on it in combined mode... but only sideways. The combined robot is just too long front to back to fit on the stand facing forward, but the base is wide enough and the robot thin enough too fit when looking off to the side. So it’s possible, but it doesn’t look very good. They all still fit in motorcycle mode as well. It’s a little crowded, but you can get them to all fit on the stand side-by-side at an angle, showroom style.

Final Thoughts

Studio Series is not for everyone, and the Revenge of the Fallen designs are definitely not for everyone. That said, I think the motorcycle sisters are some of the better designs to come out of that movie, and I think they are captured very well in this three-pack. While small, they are fun to play around with, going from one mode to another and playing around with the combinations. Some of the connections are kind of loose, but not to the extent of being a dealbreaker. So if you’re into these designs, or are just looking for some fun desk toys, these are hard to go wrong with. Just make sure you play with them in an area where you won’t lose any dropped parts.

[specialagentsnark]

Marriage of Convenience - Chapter 1

Happy Fili Friday! In honor of this wonderful day, I’m going to start posting my first ever Hobbit fanfic on here. Enjoy a little Figrid! This can also be found on AO3 if you’d like to read the entire thing all at once. Please leave me some comments. They help support my fragile writer’s ego. Happy reading!

Story Summary:

Two years after The Battle, pressure mounts for Fili to marry to help secure Erebor's stability. In Dale, Sigrid is being pressured to marry as well. Faced with a series of horrible suitors, the two friends hatch a plan to avoid unhappy marriages - marry each other. The only problem is everyone thinks they're already madly in love. After all, no dwarf would ever willingly pick a human otherwise.

Chapter 1

The first time Fili woke, he wasn’t sure he was awake. Everything hurt. He could feel someone wrapping something around his leg. Excruciating pain lanced up his limb and into his back. He tried to protest, tried to raise his hands but he hurt too much. All he could really move were his eyes. Nearby, towards his feet, he could see his uncle laying on his own cot as healers moved around him, Oin shouted orders for more bandages and hot water and needles and salves. Thorin, hands shaking in his own pain, carefully braided Bilbo’s hair.

Fili tried to protest. Thorin shouldn’t be putting those braids in their burglar’s hair until he was better and they could have a proper ceremony, not until his amad had arrived at least. Dis would be furious to know she’d gained a brother-in-law before she made it to Erebor. And since when had Thorin planned to even propose to Bilbo? He’d known they were close but hadn’t realized they were that close, let alone courting and engaged.

“Smart to have someone immune to gold lust on the throne, even if it is just a consort,” someone murmured nearby.

A marriage of state then, of convenience, not of love.

Fili gagged at the notion.

Someone shouted by his head, calling for something he thought he recognized but couldn’t think of what it was. Everything was so odd, so muddled, so loud. The pain didn’t help. Thorin was finishing the braids in Bilbo’s hair and his hands dropped, exhausted as the King Under the Mountain fell unconscious.

A cup met his lips and he drank reflexively. His throat burned with the effort. He dropped back into oblivion again.

~*~*~*~

The next time Fili opened his eyes, he wasn’t in nearly the same amount of pain. He could feel his hand was loosely wrapped around something and what he thought were two hands kept his fingers in place. He blinked his eyes open slowly, fighting against the dim light of the room. His brother’s sleeping face greeted him.

“Kili?” he asked, voice coming out a rasp. His fingers tightened around what he held, realizing it was his baby brother’s hand.

“He lives.”

Fili looked up, toward the voice. The redheaded elf captain sat at the head of the large bed he and his brother had been placed on. She was the one holding their hands together. What was her name? Kili had taken a liking to her and had mentioned her name more than once. He struggled to think of it.

“I am Tauriel,” the elf said, seemingly noticing his internal struggle. “It is good you are awake. I’ll send for your kin.” She released their hands and went to the door. Instinctively, Fili gripped his brother’s hand tighter. His hand ached at the attempt and dismay coursed through him at how feeble his grip felt even as he held on with all his might. The elf returned.

“How is he?” Fili asked, not looking away from his brother. A few small pink healing scars littered the skin he could see on the younger Durin and on himself. His throat closed up on the last word and he started to cough.

“Here, drink.” Something touched his lips and he obediently opened his mouth. Cool water dripped in and he swallowed reflexively. The amount was too small and he continued to cough until more water was given. Finally, after a few more additions, the coughing ceased.

“We will know more when he wakes laddy.”

Fili struggled to look around, his eyes finally finding Oin entering the room. The healer approached and started checking Fili over, patting and prodding and poking and searching under bandages.

“You’ve been out for almost a month,” Oin explained as he worked. “We weren’t sure you would wake. You have the elf lass here to thank for that. I don’t know as I would have been able to keep you three alive.”

“Three?” Fili asked.

“Aye, three,” Oin said. He looked up, nodding toward the doorway.

Fili followed his gaze and felt his throat constrict again, this time for an entirely different reason. “Uncle Thorin,” he managed to choke out past the lump.

Thorin Oakenshield leaned heavily on a cane in the doorway. He wore clothes similar to what he’d traveled in, minus his armor, just shirt, tunic, and trousers. His crown, any and all finery for that matter, was absent. The only things of any value he wore were the silver beads in his hair and a single, unadorned, silver ring on his left hand.

“You had us worried, Fili,” Thorin said.

“Sorry,” he croaked. He felt so tired but he didn’t dare take his eyes away from his uncle or his little brother but he had to ask. “The others?”

“All survived,” he said. “You and Kili are the worst.”

“Bilbo?” he had to ask, to make sure the figure he’d seen having marriage braids put in his hair wasn’t a figment of his imagination, brought on by blood loss and whatever mess of medications they’d poured into him.

“Here, Fili. I’m here.” Thorin stepped aside to let the hobbit into the room, his hand instinctively going to rest on the smaller male’s shoulder. Bilbo didn’t even flinch at the contact and Fili marveled a moment. To think he could forgive his uncle and trust him so easily after Thorin had threatened his life.

“Alright, you’ve seen him awake,” Oin said. “Go tell the others while he gets back to sleep. He needs rest. Get some willow bark tea.”

“Yes, Master Oin.” Fili glanced toward the foot of the beds where the voice came from to find a dwarrowdam, probably a bit younger than Kili.

“Drink up lad and sleep,” Oin ordered. “Hopefully the next time you wake your brother will have woken too. You give us more hope.” The old healer helped him sit up enough that he could sip at the bitter tea. Sleep drew him away before he could finish the cup. He dreamed of dragon fire and orcs. Gold and death.

~*~*~*~

The next time he woke, he still held Kili’s hand, this time without assistance from the elf who still sat near their bed, now to the side besides his little brother. Like last time, he first asked after his brother in a croak.

“He woke yesterday,” Tauriel said, a fond smile on her face as she gazed at Kili. “You will both recover from your wounds though it may take a while.”

Fili breathed a sigh of relief and submitted to more nasty tasting teas Oin gave him when the healer arrived. He slept again.

~*~*~*~

He drifted in and out of consciousness for what he was told was the next few weeks. Each time he did, he felt stronger. He started to wake more naturally instead of when the teas and medicines wore off, leaving him in pain. That lessened too, leaving him feeling more willing to try to move on his own. Unfortunately, he never woke when his brother did and he was left yearning to see Kili awake.

It was some time later when Kili’s movements woke him. He’d been dreaming about riding down a river in that barrel that had smelled so strongly of apples when suddenly his hand was shaken violently. He startled slightly, coming to faster than he had in a while. He looked to the side to see his brother reaching his hand into Tauriel’s hair and pulling her down for a kiss.

Feeling generous and just happy to see his little brother awake, Fili gave them a moment of loving contact before saying, “Better not let Uncle catch you.” He snickered as they jumped apart. If they moved that fast at his voice, they’d probably kill themselves trying to seem innocent if Thorin caught them.

“Fili!” Kili gasped and turned where he lay. He wrapped his arms around Fili who returned the hug with just as much enthusiasm. They both cringed when aching, healing wounds made themselves known at the contact. Fili noticed Tauriel head toward the door, presumably to inform someone that they were awake as always happened when he woke.

“It’s good to see you awake Kee,” he said, shifting so their foreheads touched. “Although I’d rather not wake up to the sight of you kissing someone. Couldn’t you let me sleep?”

“Loosen your grip then,” Kili retorted, “or you could just not watch.” He turned his eyes back up to Tauriel as she retook her seat, a grin tugging at his lips. “You’re going to have to get used to the idea though Brother.”

Fili shuddered in mock horror. “Please,” he begged, “don’t make me watch my little brother kiss anyone. The very idea is unbearable.”

Kili laughed and then winced, his ribs straining.

Thorin entered the room with Oin and Bilbo. Fili tried not to flinch at the sight of the marriage braids in his uncle’s and the hobbit’s hair.

Oin started poking and prodding at him before he could start to feel ill at the sight. The process was routine now and Fili was even able to carefully push himself into a sitting position this time to make it easier for Oin to check the wound on his back, the one that should have killed him. The healer then moved the blankets aside to check his broken leg, loosening the splints.

Once Oin had checked him over and Kili as well, he declared, “They’ll both recover though Fili my limp for a long time, possibly forever. Certainly when the weather is poor.” His landing after Azog had thrown him from the tower had broken his leg and done something to the way it sat in the joint with his hip. He would possibly experience pain there every day for the rest of his life.

A ragged cheer erupted from those in the room. And Fili gripped his brother’s hand, glad to hear that the damage done to his innards wasn’t permanent. The infections had been fought off and all open wounds had all but closed entirely, leaving scars they’d carry forever, reminders to be thankful for the lives they still have ahead of them.

~*~*~*~

“This is not the life I wanted for you, my girl.”

“A life of plenty? Of full bellies and the knowledge that it will always be so? That we will not starve when the snows come?”

Bard’s lips quirked up at the corners at her display of optimism. “I had always hoped for that, strived for it. And I am so very, very glad for it to be true now.” His smile faded a little. “I never did, however, want for your life to be decided for political gain.”

A sinking feeling settled into the pit of her stomach. “What do you mean Da?”

“I am Girion’s only heir. Against my wishes and better judgment, I will be crowned as King of Dale. You and your siblings will be crowned as prince and princesses.”

“I’m aware of how lines of royalty work.”

“As a princess-” his grimace deepened at the word “-you will be expected to marry for political advantage Sigrid, and not for love.”

The bottom of her stomach plummeted further but somehow still managed to remain firmly in her torso. “I-I need air,” she stammered and ducked out of their home and headed for the slopes around the Lonely Mountain.

~*~*~*~

“You jest,” Fili said, trying to laugh off the situation.

Thorin flinched. “Fili, it’s been a year since you recovered. The mountain is being rebuilt. More and more of our people return to the mountain each week. We must look to the future of our people now.”

“How does this affect our people?” Fili demanded. “It’s my personal life.”

“We must create strong political ties with other nations. The easiest way to do so is through marriage.”

File bristled. “You may have been willing to marry for political reasons,” he growled and ignored the way Thorin and Bilbo both winced and glanced at each other furtively, “but I am not. You’ve got ties with the Shire,” he nodded at his uncle’s husband who is the grandson to the ruling Thain of the green country to the west, “and to the elves in Mirkwood through Kili’s engagement to Tauriel. We have Dain and the Iron Hills to the east and those that remain in the Blue Mountains. What more do you want?”

“We have alliances, aye,” Balin said, voice apologetic but matter-of-fact, “but if we are to survive until trade routes are established, we will need as many ties with other kingdoms as we can. The strongest alliances would be created through your marriage.”

“Amad,” Fili said almost pleadingly, looking to his mother who stood to the side of her brother, a scowl on her normally serene face.

“I am sorry Fili,” she said and looked at her feet. Resignation and sorrow rang in her voice. He found no comfort there. “If you had found your One, maybe things would be different but as it stands, we must secure Erebor’s safety.”

Fili didn’t bother responding. Taking up his cane, he turned and left the council room, slamming the door behind him. He would seek out his brother but Kili was off with Tauriel, working with Dori and Ori and the visiting delegation from Mirkwood to find ways to meld traditions from both cultures into a single courtship and wedding. He didn't want to dim his little brother’s happiness with his own grouchy mood.

He’d go to the training grounds if he could but his leg still troubled him greatly. Oin said it was healing better than he had dared hope but that the recovery would still take time. He wouldn’t be able to fight properly for some time yet. He still did what he could but actually sparring with someone, especially with someone that would challenge his skills like Dwalin did, was still out of the question. With rain on the horizon, he hurt even more than normal.

Fili returned to his rooms, grabbed the new travel fiddle he’d had made once a proper craftsman had returned to the mountain, and left the stone walls around him, heading up the slopes to find solitude while he played until his frustrations ceased and he could think clearer. Maybe then he’d be able to find an alternative that his uncle and his advisors had not seen.

The hike up and around the side of the mountain to a secluded area took him longer than it normally would have. Between being thrown off balance by the fiddle case across his back and struggling with his aching leg, the sun was high in the sky. He leaned his cane against the rocks and set his instrument aside. He’d rest before he started to play. He paced, limping heavily without his cursed cane, trying to think of a way around the prospect of an arranged marriage.

“A political marriage is the only way to make the kingdom strong,” he grumbled under his breath. He turned to look at the mountain and he felt his anger grow.

“Not bloody likely!” he shouted and then jumped as a second voice joined him in the same words. He whirled. A young woman’s head appeared above a grouping of rocks to stare at him. She looked familiar.

“Prince Fili?” she asked, eyes wide in shock. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were here.”

He remembered her now. He hadn’t seen her for a few months but he remembered. “Lady Sigrid,” he said. “What are you doing here?” He picked his cane back up and the case to round the rocks to where she was. Her coat was laid out on the ground where she’d been apparently sitting on it out of his view.

She heaved a sigh as she motioned for him to join her. He did so, leaning his fiddle on the rock gently and setting his cane next to him once he was settled. She sat next to him when he patted the spot on her coat he’d left for her.

“Avoiding politics,” she told him once settled.

“Political woes seem to be going around,” he muttered as he leaned back on his hands and stretched his aching leg out in front of him, trying to take pressure off the joint at his hip. “Which do you face?”

She grimaced. “Expectations for a royal wedding.”

“You too, huh?” he asked and shifted, trying to find a better way to situate his leg.

She crossed her legs in front of her, leaned forward, set her elbow on her knee, and propped her chin in her open palm. “Is King Thorin telling you to marry as well?” she asked looking slightly up at him from her bent position.

“As a newly reestablished kingdom, it’s expected for us to create strong ties with all peoples of Middle Earth. Kili has Tauriel, Uncle has his Hobbit consort, Amad had my father who was a dwarf of the Blue Mountains, and we have kin in the dwarrow of the Iron Hills. All we need now is a solid alliance with men.”

“I thought you had that with the alliance written up with my father and the people of Dale.”

“Written alliances aren’t as strong as marital,” Fili said.

They heaved simultaneous sighs. “Being royal isn’t any fun,” Sigrid said. “Ever since Da slew that dragon and the battle ended he’s been worked to the bone and people now expect so much from my brother, sister, and me. I miss being a bargeman’s daughter, poor though we were.”

Fili nodded. “There are days I miss being a jeweler and musician,” he admitted. “Times were slimmer then but it was honest work and it was easier being a prince in name and nothing more.” They stared at the distance in comfortable but brooding silence for a time before Sigrid threw up her hands.

“I’m tired of thinking about it,” she said. ���You say you were a musician before you retook the mountain. Will you play?” she nodded towards his fiddle.

Fili glanced at the case now regretting not grabbing one of the finer instruments. He shrugged though. He’d come up here to play to clear his head. Maybe having an audience would help him remember his time in the Blue Mountains. Pulling the instrument out, he started tuning it. “Any requests?”

Sigrid shook her head. “Do you have perfect pitch?” she asked as she watched him.

He tested the strings and adjusted just a little more. “Yes,” he said. “Do you play an instrument?”

“No,” she said, “but my father used to sing all the time. It’s odd to think of a bargeman knowing musical theory but he does.”

Fili smiled and then drew the bow across the strings. Happy with what he heard he started playing from his seated position. He should stand, he knew, but he just didn't want to deal with the pain in his leg right then. Instead, he concentrated on the piece he played, a drinking song from Ered Luin. Most of what he knew was more fit for taverns over great halls of a recovered kingdom so he rarely played outside of his own rooms these days and he found himself happy to be playing for someone. Sigrid smiled and listened, clapping her hands to the beat for certain songs.

“Oh! I know this one!” she said as he started the intro to a third song.

“Then you should sing,” he said, grinning.

So Sigrid sang the silly song of a young man that went to sea only to fall in love with a mermaid with green hair and pale blue skin on his first voyage. Fili joined in on the chorus. When the song ended, he set his violin aside and applauded her even as she laughed and applauded him.

“Your father isn’t the only one in your family that can sing,” he said. “That was lovely.”

A charming blush rose in her cheeks as she gazed at her lap. “Thank you,” she murmured. “It was nice hearing you play. You’re very good.”

Fili snorted. “I’m well enough,” he said. “It brought in extra coin to play at taverns and inns. Kili plays too and he sings better than I do. I haven’t played with him in a while. I don’t know if he still does.”

“I’m glad you still do,” Sigrid said. “That was fun.” She stretched her arms above her head and he heard faint cracking sounds race up her back. “Thanks. I needed something fun today.”

He grinned at her. “You’re welcome.” They stared back at the view again, Fili keeping his fiddle on his lap, wondering if he should play something more when a raven dropped to the rocks next to them and pecked at his good leg and squawked at him. He sighed. “Fun time’s over,” he said. “I’m being summoned.” He looked at the bird. “Let him know I’m on my way down but it will take a while. Leg and all.” The bird took off as Fili started packing up his fiddle. As he stiffly rose to his feet, Sigrid stood as well and offered a polite smile as she gathered up her coat, shaking the dirt and dust off it.

“I’m glad I ran into you today,” she said.

“Me too,” he said. “I hope to see you again soon. Good luck with your suitors.”

She rubbed a hand down her face. “I wish you hadn’t reminded me,” she groused but her lips twitched in a half smile. “Good luck your highness,” she said, dipping into a curtsy.

He bowed and bid her farewell, heading back toward the path he’d originally climbed, leaning heavily on his cane. By the time he reached the road to Erebor pain was lancing up his leg and spine. He managed to flag down a cart and get a ride into the city on the back.

[allspark]

Taking the goods from the Allspark Studios (and ultimately the credit for this photoshoot too) is long time Botcon repaint, Packrat!  Will he be content to bask in the Divine Light of our studio, or will he secretly stash some of our nerd trophies on the way out?  Tune in after the break to see what happens!

I was unable to attend any of the original run Botcons, and hence missed out on some of their awesome Beast Wars repaint goodness until much later in my collecting.  Getting married and going to college kinda soaked up my resources at the time.  Once I was a little more established, I started picking them up, one by one, and Packrat and Fractyl were the first ones I was able to snag, during the first or third FunPub Botcon.  I have always been a HUGE fan of the “flipchanger” basic class Transformers from Machine Wars and Beast Wars, so getting these was a no brainer.  Getting the Rattrap mold in delicious blue and gold was icing on the cake.

Packrat Beast Mode

I got Packrat very shortly after finally getting a real Rattrap (my first was a knock off).  Getting him was an energon storm of confliction.  One of the things that always kind of disappointed me about the mold was how…solid it was.  Let’s face it, Packrat/Rattrap was pretty much a full-on brick, with rotating feet and a single jointed tail.  He has no lower jaw, which makes the limitations of the mold even worse.  That being said, he has a true retro feel that fans of classic toys will definitely enjoy.  He displays well in action scenes that don’t require him to do anything other than…stand there.  😀  In addition to the overall color scheme changes of blue, grey, and gold between this version and Rattrap’s tan, brown and pink, there are two small deco pattern differences.  First off, Packrat does not have a paint opp on the back of the rat mode like Rattap does.  Additionally, he actually has irises, making the blue rat look slightly more “realistic” than the tan one.  I love it.  He has a little more personality in this mode than his predecessor.

Packrat Robot Mode

One of the greatest things to ever happen to Transformers was the addition of the ball joint.  Packrat has ball joints at the neck, shoulders, elbows, hips and knees.  For the basic size class, this mean a nicely poseable toy that could reasonably stand in a few poses.  Over time, I think my love for the joint has clouded my memory on the instability of this mold.  While the appendages can be placed in numerous positions, the mold is less stable than I would like.  Beyond straight standing poses and kneeling down poses, there is only so much you can do with it before gravity kicks in.  Being a top heavy, back heavy figure is not strange in the Transformer world, so I find it does not ruin my love for the figure.  If you really want to get him in great poses, just be prepared to use some of those action figure bases you can get for Gundam and S.H. Figuarts style figures.

Handle with Caution

Should you purchase any version of this figure, I want to help you avoid messing it up.  Make sure you loosen the hands from the pegs inside the rat body before you complete flipping him open.  Not doing so means the gears will slip, which could damage the mechanism.  You should also be very careful with the included blaster.  One of my Rattrap figures split at the fist because the gun was just a little big for the fist hole.  I would not want that problem to repeat itself with an expensive or rare convention exclusive, so I normally do not even display him with it in hand for that reason.

Recommendation

Packrat is a figure I love seeing on my shelf, and I highly recommend him for you too.  While the Rattrap mold has its issues, I love it for what it is: a great classic Beast Wars figure with retro style and decent poseability in robot mode.  The colors on Packrat are nice and vibrant, and the irises add more personality to the mold than those of the original Rattrap.  I think the best part of all is that this was a figure of a character that expanded the Beast Wars universe, which is still my favorite era of the Transformers franchise.

A cursory glance of eBay at the writing of this article did not find any listings, so if you are looking for him, your best bet is a Transformers related convention.  Packrat is a figure that now runs at an even greater premium than before, so set aside your money and look for him first before going crazy on the vendor floor this summer.  Track down this thief (or the Botcon 2015 Generations update) before he escapes your grasp for good!

  Botcon 97 Packrat Retro Gallery and Review! Taking the goods from the Allspark Studios (and ultimately the credit for this photoshoot too) is long time Botcon repaint, Packrat! 

[kuriquinn]

An Inch of Gold [13/?]

General Disclaimer

This chapter has been beta-read by: Sakura’s Unicorn

“Sarada? Sarada!” Sakura cries as the other girl slumps forward, blood trickling from her nose. She catches her and sends Kakashi a panicked look. “What’s wrong with her?!”

Kakashi wants to tell Sakura to calm down, but his own concern for the unconscious girl supersedes that wish.

“She used the last of her strength,” he says, grimly noting the shallow rise and fall of her chest. Her eyes don’t move beneath the lids, and when he gingerly reaches out to check her pulse, he finds a much slower one than he would like. “Ruptured a few blood vessels doing it, too. If she’s lucky, they were in her nasal passages and not her brain.” Sakura appears horrified. “We need to wake her. The longer she’s unconscious, the more likely she might have neurological damage,” Kakashi continues. “I’ll do what I can—”

“But you’re still hurt!”

“You have a more important job right now,” he replies with gentle firmness. “I can’t move very far, and I need you to get Bull. My orders from before still stand. We need to get out of here and regroup.”  He’s not one to run from a fight, but in this case, the most intelligent course of action is retreat.  

Sakura is smart enough to know this as well because she gets to her feet and heads off, skirting the ongoing melee.

Kakashi inhales a shaky breath, returning his attention to his unconscious charge. Seriousness of her condition aside, he can’t fight back the mounting sense of awe at what she’s done today alone. Sasuke and Sakura’s daughter is a force to be reckoned with, a true prodigy with her father’s skill and mother’s resilience. Part of him wonders if he—his future self—had any hand in shaping her as well. There’s not much else he can do right now but try to wake her. Healed or not, he’s weak, and won’t be fighting any time soon. Which means, unless he can orchestrate a miracle from afar, the boys are the ones running the show. The problem is both are now the very worst versions of themselves. They might win the fight, but utterly lose their sanity in the process.

Naruto has tapped into the fox demon’s power, a change which Kakashi can sense despite his own lack of strength. The boy’s usual overwhelming chakra is different—darker—and, unless it’s brought under control soon, he might break Lord Fourth’s seal. As for Sasuke, he’s using the curse seal that Kakashi explicitly warned him about. While it’s granting him uncanny strength now, it will soon begin to eat into his chakra, draining his life force.

And yet…

In spite of the dire circumstances, the common enemy has united the boys. They’re working together with a seamless, instinctual teamwork that Kakashi has only seen hints of previously.

A savage barrage of kicks from Sasuke forces Mumyōi to stagger back. Seconds later, Naruto lunges, seizing the clawed man around the middle, knocking him to the ground. Clambering across the prone man, he crouches on his chest and grips him by the shoulder, elongated nails sinking in. Mumyōi yells, bucks the blond boy off, and prepares to attack—but is grabbed by Sasuke. Barely exerting any effort, Sasuke tosses him across the room, the force causing Mumyōi to spin in the air and hit a far wall face-first. He crawls to his feet, but Naruto is already there, taking a swing. Blood sprays through the air as Mumyōi’s cheekbone shatters, his jagged teeth cutting across the back of Naruto’s fist. As he reels, Sasuke takes hold and swings him over his back, dropping the clawed man until he lays prone on his back.

In spite of the beating, Orochimaru’s experiment still gets to his feet. The only difference now, is that he eyes them warily.

“You should stay down,” Naruto growls, a part of him still trying to keep this fight from ending with anyone dying.

Sasuke isn’t as committed to that course of action. The memory of what Mumyōi said about the girls fills him with a burning anger, one which seems to bleed through the mark that covers his body. Emotions that he always buries deep—rage, pain, hatred—simmer on the edges of his consciousness, fuelling the intoxicating strength he hasn’t experienced since the Forest of Death. It makes him want to lash out, to rip apart whatever living thing is closest. Even Naruto, standing beside him and radiating that strange, dark chakra, beckons him to attack. It’s a constant challenge to remember that the other boy is his teammate.

Mumyōi sniggers. “You think I’m going turn tail because two brats got their second wind? You obviously don’t understand what life’s like down here.”

His sneering smile widens. The moving black stain spreads even more thickly across his body until every inch of his flesh is covered. The mark solidifies, taking on a greyish hue. It resembles unbaked clay, but with a texture closer to a snake’s scales. The claws fused to his knuckles also grow longer as if protruding from deep within his arms. Mumyōi’s irises and pupils bleed into black, while his wild hair lengthens and turns white, surrounding him like a mane. His ears elongate, resembling those of a cat or a bat, while a tail rises behind him with spikes sprouting from its tip, a shiny substance oozing from it.

“What the hell is that?” Naruto demands.

Mumyōi takes a step forward, eyes settling on Sasuke.

“Unlike you, I fully embraced what Orochimaru gave me,” he sneers. “He only ever saw me as a guinea pig, but there’s a reason I survived when hundreds of others didn’t! I destroyed anyone who got in my way and devoured their flesh to become even stronger!”

Naruto makes a disgusted noise in his throat, and even Sasuke can’t help wrinkle his nose. He might want power more than anything in this world, but the lengths this creature went through to achieve the same revolts him.

“Well…that explains your teeth, at least,” Naruto taunts.

Mumyōi bellows and his arm whips out—somehow, it’s grown longer—and backhands him. Sasuke only twists his body at the last second to avoid the claws, resulting in him sliding across the floor of the cave on his back.

As Mumyōi takes another run at him, Sasuke deftly pulls out a half-dozen shuriken, aiming them for whatever vulnerable points he can see—eyes, neck, joints. His enemy avoids all but one of them, which takes him in the flesh above his elbow, by jumping into the air. The impossible tail lashes out, wrapping around one stalactite to keep him stable. After regaining his balance, he propels himself downward, claws spread and aimed at Sasuke.

Naruto intercepts him, swiping at Mumyōi’s side with his own sharp nails, but the clawed man is ready for him. His tail whips around, sending the blond boy flying again, barrelling into another body. Naruto recovers and rounds on whoever stopped his trajectory, only to freeze when he sees that it’s Sakura.

“What are you doing here?!” he snarls as she tries to pull herself to her feet, looking dazed.

“Kakashi-sensei told me to get Bull—” she begins. Naruto whirls to see that his teacher is once more conscious and upright. It’s impossible—he saw what Mumyōi did to him—but somehow that’s what he’s looking at. He also realises that now it’s Sarada who lies prone on the ground, unconscious.

“We can’t keep doing this,” he mutters. Every piece of good news seems to herald a loss on its tail. At this rate, Mumyōi will just need to pick them off one by one.

“Kakashi-sensei says we need to retreat,” Sakura admits reluctantly.

“Do it,” Naruto orders. “Sasuke and I will keep him busy. Then we’ll catch up.”

“You’ve been keeping him busy all this time, and it hasn’t done anything. You need to incapacitate him long enough for us to get away,” Sakura points out, eyes gleaming with determination and anxiety. “All of us.”

Naïve little fool, the Nine-Tails sneers in the back of his head, but Naruto ignores him. He’s just as intent as Sakura to get the people he cares about out of this situation. The odds might not be good, but then they’ve never been good for him, and he always comes out on top.

Naruto draws on the roiling, angry power within him, he forms a Rasengan in his hand and lunges back into battle.

Left behind once more, Sakura clenches her jaw and continues with her mission. She might not be strong enough to fight the clawed madman like her teammates can, but she can still follow orders.

The hulking dog is conscious when she gets there, but before she can demand why he hasn’t been helping them, she sees that his hip is badly dislocated. Given the angle he hit the wall at, he’s lucky that’s the worst injury.

“You poor thing,” she murmurs. The dog won’t be leading any of them out of here anytime soon, and Sakura’s stomach sinks at this realisation. “You need healing. Can you move on your own?”

Bull whines a negative, and Sakura bites her lip. Moving the dog at this point might injure him further, but she can’t leave him behind. But she could barely make her way over here without getting involved in the ongoing melee. Dare she risk it with a hulking, muscly dog?

There’s no question. They’re in a bad situation, but there’s nothing to lose by trying.

She half-carries, half-drags the large canine across the floor to where Kakashi is waiting, still trying to bring Sarada back to consciousness. There’s an uncomfortable, gnawing of worry in Sakura’s stomach at the idea that the girl might not wake up. She feels responsible for this—she was the one who told Sarada to do whatever she could to save Kakashi, and now Sakura might’ve pushed her into sacrificing herself. Not only will Sasuke never forgive her, if that’s the case, but she’ll be to blame for killing a potential friend.

The cavern shakes all around them with the force of the fight still going on. Naruto and Sasuke might provide excellent distractions, but it’s hard for Sakura to keep her mind on her own mission while she worries about her friends possibly dying.

I should be helping them! I should stop being so useless! All I can do is run away!

“You’re in a bad state,” Kakashi says to Bull, his words bringing Sakura out of her guilty self-recrimination. “There’s no point in keeping you here, after all. I’ll send you back.”

The dog makes a noise of protest—obviously, he wants to stay and help despite his injury—but Kakashi has already undone the summoning.

“Wait!” Sakura cries, but it’s too late. Bull is gone in a puff of smoke. “You should’ve sent him with a message to Lady Tsunade to send help.”

“You know why we can’t do that,” Kakashi replies, tired. “Here. Help me pick her up.” Together, and with great difficulty, they begin to manoeuvre Sarada off the ground. “Time is already compromised. We don’t know what might make it implode.”

“What do you mean, compromised?”

“Something Mumyōi said. He mentioned that he’d heard of Sasuke before, and he talked about Orochimaru’s plans.”

“So?”

“So, how likely is it that he’d still know that after twenty years have passed? Or even that he’d survive twenty years, considering the conditions of this place?” Kakashi points out. “This whole base—I don’t think it’s in the future, after all. I think it’s in our time.”

Sakura gapes. “But that makes no sense! We crossed through the bubble! Sarada is from this time!”

“And that’s why I think time is breaking down,” Kakashi tells her, tone severe. “The longer we take, the weaker it all gets. This place—wherever, whenever we are—is a mixture of different eras. They’re bleeding into one another, and it’s only a matter of time before it’s all destroyed.”

“Then we can’t waste any more time fighting this guy,” Sakura determines. “We need to get away and stop the time…fluctuations?” She glances back at the ongoing fight. “Do you think he knows?”

“I doubt it. He said himself that he was locked up for years,” Kakashi replies. “Which means our ghost is the only chance. And I don’t have the strength to bring him back just now. Maybe not for a long time.”

“Then what the hell are we supposed to do?!” Sakura yells, losing her temper at last.

Kakashi doesn’t have time to answer as several bodies fly past, forcing them to duck out of the way. The boys and Mumyōi are a tangle of flailing limbs and sharp blades, but it finally seems as if her friends have the upper hand.

Mumyōi hobbles away, his terrifying, monstrous form fading. His skin returns to normal and his claws shorten—no longer daggers, but still sharp. Not a moment too soon, either, because Sasuke’s curse seal is fading. Sakura knows that means his strength is waning, too.

With the last of it, he hauls out several strands of wire, looping it around Mumyōi and twisting it so that he can sling the creature over his back. In the meantime, Naruto grabs one of the man’s arms and yanks him backward.

The sound of breaking bones and tearing flesh fills the air, and Sakura smells blood.

Horrified at what she is seeing—at what her friends are doing—she can’t help the scream that’s wrenched from her throat.

“No!”

In her head, she knows that this is what should happen. This thing has tried to kill them, has injured her sensei, has threatened horrible things—but the idea of watching her friends turn into monsters themselves sickens her far more.

There’s a brief moment of hesitation, as if all three of the fighters are taking a collective breath.

And then the dynamic changes again.

Sasuke’s mark disappears, and he loses his grip, falling backward. Mumyōi manages one last well-placed hit, knocking Naruto away from him and making a run for it—

—straight at Sakura and Kakashi.

Before either of them can move, Sakura finds herself seized roughly and dragged away from her team.

“Sakura!”

“Let her go, you bastard!”

Mumyōi holds Sakura tightly, arm wrapped around her and claws pointed toward her chest. A tighter hold and he’ll be able to tear into her heart. Blood from his mangled arm drips to the floor, but he seems unaware of it, more intent on leaning his mouth within inches of Sakura’s jugular. One quick movement and he could pierce it with his teeth.

“You come any closer, I’ll rip her throat out,” he threatens, eyes focussed on Naruto and Sasuke.

“It’ll be the last thing you ever do,” Sasuke promises.

“She’ll still be dead.”

Kakashi is tense; he’s doing his best just to stay upright and is in no position to challenge the enemy. Out of the corner of his eye, he notices Sarada stir.

Sakura notices, too, keenly aware of everyone around her. Naruto and Sasuke are both frozen in place, crouched in preparation for the attack, but deceptively immobile—like lions preparing to close in on a kill.

Mumyōi brings his misshapen, wicked teeth closer to Sakura’s neck and then, with a mocking chuckle, drags his tongue up the side of her face.

Sakura emits a muffled groan of disgust. Naruto snarls and takes a step forward, but Sasuke stops him.

“Don’t. He’ll kill her,” he growls, his voice rough and weak and so utterly unlike him.

Sakura notices dimly that he is no longer covered with the dark, moving mark from before. Perhaps that’s why he looks so pale now?

“Not before I get to him,” Naruto retorts, and for some reason, Sakura imagines the whites of his eyes reddening. When she blinks, it’s gone, and Sasuke is strengthening his hold on him.

“Oh,” Mumyōi taunts, taking a few steps backward with Sakura. “Is this one yours? Perhaps I’ll bring her along with me. Just to keep you off my back, you see.”

“You’re not taking her anywhere,” Naruto informs him.

Sakura glances once more to Sarada, wanting to ensure she is alright, and trying to think of a way out of it. Her brain is sluggish, not wanting to plan, but at the same time, as she watches Sarada fight her way back to full consciousness, she feels her own resolve harden.

Sakura’s lips firm into a line and she narrows her eyes, forehead wrinkled in calculation. Sweat beads down the side of her neck and, like her teammates, her body is taut and ready to spring. Carefully, she draws out the last weapon she has on her.

A kunai with an explosive tag wrapped around it.

Instantly, Sarada knows what Sakura is thinking.

Sakura isn’t in a position where she can stab Mumyōi, not without getting herself killed. And she could always miss. That would still leave him with the ability to harm the others before they take him out. If she ignites the tag where she stands, however—

“Don’t…don’t do it!” Sarada cries—or tries to, but her voice comes out cracked and weak.  

Mumyōi chuckles, taking the warning as a plea for Sakura’s life. “Crawl on your knees and beg, girlie.”

“It’s all right,” Sakura whispers tightly, deliberately meeting Sarada’s gaze. “It’ll be fast. It doesn’t matter about me as long as you’re all safe.”

“No!” Sarada gasps. “You don’t understand!”

“You’re important,” Sakura says firmly, despite the tremble of her lips. “I’ll protect you even with my life.”

“Sakura!”

There is a chorus of voices that shout out for her as the others now realise what she’s about to do. And then several things happen in quick succession.

Sakura ignites the tag.

Sarada screams.

And then—

“RASENGAN!”

A powerful blast hits Mumyōi from the back, forcing him to let go of Sakura. She’s thrown to the ground while the clawed man is propelled forward by a huge ball of energy. It drives him across the chasm beyond the reservoir, over the drop, and out of sight.

“What the—” Naruto demands because the attack didn’t come from him.

“Take that, you freak!” a familiar voice crows.

A dark shape appears in the space Mumyōi once occupied, all dishevelled blond hair and torn clothes, but so very much alive.

“Who the hell is this?” Sasuke demands.

“Boruto!” Sarada gasps, disbelief and relief overtaking her.

“Did I just save your ass, princess?” her teammate mocks with a grin. “I totally saved your ass because I’m awesome. Believe it!”

“You…idiot…” she murmurs, and she can’t help but smile because, finally, something is going right.

“Seriously, you’ll never be Hokage if you need—”

But what she needs, she never learns, because Sakura suddenly screams, “Get back, everyone!”

The tag in her hand is still live, and although she hurls it away from herself, it’s too late.

The rest happens as if in slow motion.

An explosion rocks the cavern.

The ground beneath their feet erodes, and before Sarada’s eyes, the nearest section of the dam crumbles.

The water in the makeshift reservoir spills violently down the drop, and the turbines of the power station falter. The lights in the cave flicker, and then go out, and that’s all that she can see because she is flying backward through dust and debris.

It all happens so fast that, if it weren’t for his Sharingan, Sasuke wouldn’t have caught it. As it is, it’s not until it’s all over that his brain catches up and puts the sequence of events back together:

Before the air filled with dust, he saw Sakura, her hand outstretched toward Sarada. His own instinctual reaction was also to seek out the girl from the future. When he found her, she was lying on the ground—he’s still not sure why—and too far away for him to get to.

Next, Kakashi shoved her out of the direct path of the explosion as the ground collapsed beneath them. Sasuke might not have be able to get to Sarada, but he was close enough to at least yank the strange blond kid out of the way. The strange blond kid who appeared out of nowhere and somehow wields Naruto’s Rasengan.

There was no time to dwell on suspicion, not with the danger of being ripped apart by explosives or having the ceiling cave in on him looming. Sasuke pulled them both out of range, body complaining at every burst of exertion, until they were safely ensconced in the tunnel Kakashi tried to lead them through earlier. He remembers being vaguely aware of Kakashi dodging out of the way as well, of Naruto calling Sakura’s name.  

He takes a little longer than usual to recover. He’s weak, and using the curse-seal for as long as he did—longer than he ever has, actually—completely drained his strength. Not just his chakra, but his physical abilities. His muscles ache like they’re consuming themselves. He can’t even keep a hold of the collar of the blond kid’s jacket—Black and pink? Ever heard of camouflage?—because his fingers are shaking.

Several metres away from Sasuke, Kakashi moans painfully as he sits up. He’s been knocked back, and the neatly stitched wound in his chest is weeping blood again.

The other boy—Boruto. That’s what she called him—appears dazed and crawls away from Sasuke to survey the surrounding damage.

By a stroke of luck, the grotto hasn’t caved in, but there’s a massive crater blown into the floor. It fills rapidly with water as pieces of the surrounding rock continue to crumble in.

“Dad?” the boy mutters, searching around him.

Sasuke freezes, staring at him, because there is no freaking way that—

There’s a cough from across the room, and several piles of rubble shift. A familiar orange sleeve sticks out and drags its owner out. “Ouch…”

“Dad!” Boruto calls, scrambling to his feet and toward Naruto. “Dad! Are you okay?”

Naruto blinks up at this strange blond kid with bleary eyes, and painfully glances around. “Dad? Who are you talking about?”

Boruto gapes at him, but anything he might’ve been about to say is cut off by a terrified scream rending the air.

“MAMA!”

It’s not the word itself, reverberating within the ruined cave which causes everyone to whirl around. Nor is it the utter fear contained in it. It’s the fact that it’s Sarada, and that she’s cut off by a choking gurgle—like she’s suddenly been sucked underwater.

The dust clears just in time to watch a flash of pink and the white-on-red circle of Sakura’s back disappear over the edge of the falls.

Sasuke’s heart lurches, but his legs remain rooted to the spot.

“Sakura!” Naruto screams, struggling to his feet, while Boruto cries, “Sarada!”

Both of them stumble almost to the ledge itself before someone grabs them from behind; Kakashi has managed to get to his feet, despite his injuries, and has seized both boys by the collar. “Stop!” he orders, towing them away from the precarious drop. “You’ll go over, too, if you’re not careful!”

“But Sakura—”

“Sarada’s—”

“We don’t know what’s down there, and jumping in after them will just get you killed,” Kakashi insists, voice firm.

“It doesn’t matter! We have to go after them!” Naruto argues.

“If we don’t, they could die!” Boruto agrees.

Kakashi’s throat feels clogged, and not from dust. There’s nothing he wants more than to make sure his student and the girl from the future are all right. But enough of today has been spent ignoring protocol in favour of emotion, all of which has done nothing but exacerbate the situation they find themselves in now. And so, staring down at the similar faces of Naruto and—he suspects—the jinchūriki’s future son, Kakashi forces himself to stand firm.

“They could,” he agrees with a heavy heart. “And if they are, you two killing yourselves won’t help them. And knowing both Sakura and Sarada, they would never forgive either of you for hurting yourselves on their behalf.”

“But Kakashi-sensei—”

“Idiot!”

The word is punctuated by the sound of bone hitting stone.

Kakashi, Naruto and Boruto turn to see Sasuke, his back to them, with one fist set in a small indentation of stone where he’s punched the wall. Blood trickles from between his knuckles.

“Hey!” Naruto protests.

But for once, Sasuke isn’t talking about Naruto.

“She’s an idiot!” he growls, voice a low whisper that swells with rage and…something else.

Kakashi’s eyes soften. This is about Sakura.

“She shouldn’t have done that,” Sasuke continues, shoulders tense. “Sacrificing herself for us. And with such an idiotic idea. What the hell good did it do?”

“Are you stupid?!” Naruto yells, stalking forward to shove his teammate; it’s a measure of how weakened Sasuke is that he can’t even retaliate. “She didn’t do it for us, you bastard. Didn’t you hear?”

“Get off me!”

“She knows what Sarada means to you! She thought she was doing what you would want—she was protecting someone who’s important to you!”

“Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it? If she dies, so does Sarada.”

Naruto frowns, not having expected that. “What do you mean?”

Sasuke stares at him and then disgust overtakes his features. “You can’t be this stupid,” he sighs, the rage abruptly draining out of him. He relaxes, all fight gone. He no longer cares what anyone else has to say about the matter. Secrets are useless anyhow. “Sakura is Sarada’s mother.”

“What?” Naruto whispers, taking a step back. “No way…”

Something like pain flickers across his features, but even as slow as Naruto is, he can see the information once it’s laid out for him. In his own fashion, he goes over all the events of today and realises the truth.

“Did she know?” Naruto asks, tentative.

Sasuke turns away again, shielding his face from view. “It doesn’t matter.”

A sharp jolt of worry shoots through Kakashi. “Sasuke,” he says, willing the boy to turn around. When he doesn’t, he adopts a more commanding tone, “Sasuke. Let me see your eyes. Right now.”

Slowly, Sasuke turns to meet his teacher’s gaze, his jaw set, anger still written on his features. His Sharingan is active, the tomoe spinning in a wild circle…but they are very clearly still tomoe and not the kaleidoscope pinwheel of a Mangekyō. The potential loss of Sakura and Sarada have not caused him to awaken the evolved form of his kekkei genkai.

Kakashi allows himself to exhale in relief. And then mentally chastises himself for jumping to conclusions.

“You don’t think they’ve died,” Kakashi states, taking care with each syllable. Sasuke nods, the movement stiff, as Kakashi words what he’s already pieced together.

Naruto, on the other hand, eyes his teammate and teacher with suspicion and demands, “How do you know? And what do Sasuke’s eyes have to do with…oh.”

He remembers their conversation about what can cause a Sharingan to evolve.

The strange kid frowns, looking between them. “I don’t get it.”

Kakashi doesn’t answer him, but fixes his attention on the new addition to their group. “You’re Boruto, right?”

The boy who’s been listening to all of this with a stunned expression on his face so far, shakes himself and faces Kakashi almost at attention. “Yeah,” he says, eyes wide in surprise; they’re bluer than Naruto’s. Although he favours his father in looks—right down to the whiskers—his face shape is different. Likely, he takes after his mother, whoever she might be. Kakashi has more ideas about that, but now isn’t the time.

“Who is Sarada?” he asks.

The kid looks at him like he’s insane. “Are you kidding me? She was with you this whole time, right? You should know that!”

“I’m asking you. Who is she to you?”

The kid’s cheeks take on a somewhat rosier hue, and he glares at Kakashi. “She’s my teammate and my friend, believe it! And I thought she was dead! I want to know how you know she’s still alive, so we can go save her!”

“Because you’re here,” Sasuke answers. “You’re here and you still remember who she is. And who Sakura is.”

“Of course, I know who she is! She’s…” He trails off, narrowing his eyes. “Oh. I get it.”

“Well, I don’t!” Naruto yells, frustrated at the lack of answers.

Boruto gives him a despairing look. “You are stupid, aren’t you?”

“If Boruto—someone from the future, who Sarada talked to us about—is still here, it means the timelines haven’t altered irrevocably. And if Boruto remembers who both Sarada and Sakura are, it means his timeline hasn’t changed, either,” Kakashi explains with deliberate patience. “If Sakura died, Sarada wouldn’t exist. So, she’s all right. Somewhere.”

“And we can rescue her!” Naruto cheers, cluing in at last.

“Okay, fine. That’s great. But what about Sarada?” Boruto challenges, shooting his father an annoyed, sideways glare. “Just because I remember all that stuff doesn’t mean she might not be dead down there!”

“She’s not,” Sasuke says.

“How do you know?”

“I…” He’s unsure for a moment, and then shrugs. “She isn’t.”

He can’t explain his sudden certainty. And he doesn’t want to say the overly emotional words Sarada used—that they are connected, somehow. But he has long known that if anything were to happen to any member of his squad—Naruto, Kakashi or Sakura—he would know it in his gut. This certainty is an extension of that intuition.

Still, alive or not, both Sakura and Sarada could be injured, wherever they are. And if Mumyōi survived the fall as well…

Naruto wants to push the issue. He hates it when Sasuke gets cryptic like that. Now is not the time, especially with this new weird-looking kid who’s glaring at him like he’s showed up for training naked or something. But even as he opens his mouth, he takes in Sasuke’s defensive, uncertain posture…and he gets it. In that moment, Sasuke’s behaviour in the past few minutes—hell, in the past few hours!—makes sense.

Naruto might harbour feelings for their teammate, and might uselessly wish she’d return those, but he knows it’s a losing battle. And the annoying part is—the thing that made Naruto outraged on Sakura’s behalf all this time—is that he knows Sasuke cares about Sakura. In his own repressed, emotionally constipated way, he considers her precious.

Naruto knows because he was in that hospital room when Granny Tsunade healed Sasuke. He watched Sakura wrap her arms around him in relief. He remembers her face that day, looking as if she’d just received the greatest gift in the world. She smiled the first real smile he’d seen since they carted Sasuke’s unconscious body back after their run-in with Itachi.

Naruto also remembers Sasuke, confused and disoriented, instinctively leaning into Sakura that day, a look of complete vulnerability on his face. It’s a look he’d never seen on his teammate, and it made him feel as if he was intruding on something immensely private.

It’s the same feeling he has right now as he watches Sasuke struggle knowing that two members of his future family are missing, one of them possibly dead.

Naruto exhales, deciding that once again he must step in, if only to save Sasuke from brooding himself into a seizure or something. No time to whine about hurt feelings…

“Well, standing around here won’t do anything,” he declares. “Especially since it looks like Sasuke will one day get his head out of his ass.” He sticks his tongue out at Sasuke. “But don’t think this gets you off the hook, asshole. Low blow, stealing my girl.”

The confused and almost insulted expression on Sasuke’s face is totally worth it.

“Hey! What the hell are you talking about?!” Boruto demands. “You can’t like someone who isn’t Mom! And definitely not Aunt Sakura! Uncle Sasuke will murder you!”

Sasuke’s eye twitches.

Uncle Sasuke?

“Listen here, you brat, I can like whoever I want!” Naruto shouts back, going almost nose-to-nose with the boy. “And I—” He cuts himself off, blinks, and then stares at Boruto in suspicion. “Wait. Who’s your Mom? And why would it matter if I…”

His words dry up in his throat.

Wait a second.

This Boruto guy has been talking about his dad almost since he showed up, and now he’s looking at Naruto like he’s missing something utterly obvious and important.

The penny drops. As does Naruto’s jaw.

“No. Way.”

つづく

Comments and constructive criticism are much appreciated, and very motivating! For more information about supporting my original, non-fandom related works, you’re welcome to check out my ko-fi tipjar, or my patreon page KuriWorlds.

栗

First Page

Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

[myquirkylife]

So, why did I get hip arthroscopy surgery? What were my symptoms? How did I decide to go through with it? Was it weightlifting? CrossFit?

A gal named Julie reached out to me on Instagram about my surgery and pointed out that she tried finding out what exactly my injury was and what I did prior to deciding to go through with the surgery but couldn’t find it on my blog. Made me realize that turns out I don’t have have it all laid out in one spot – doh!

Well, I don’t have an exact timeline but to put things into perspective, my surgery was on November 16, 2016 and I had been dealing with my hip pain for about a year and a half, so roughly since June 2015. So, we’ll work from that rough timeline.

June 2015: The beginning of hip pain began in heavy squats in the weightlifting cycle I was on. It was a very dull but very deep pain in the right groin area. I rested from any squatting for about couple weeks, did lot of mobility, then came back to it. Still had hip pain. Coaches, fellow athletes, all tried diagnosing what it could be. As is one of the usual culprits, it was thought I had a PSOAS issue, so that was worked on for a while. Hip pain continued. Stubborn me would lay off aggravating the hip for a bit, do some mobility, then go back to squatting – vicious cycle.

January 2016: Around this time is when I decided to begin getting A.R.T. treatment (Active Release Technique) for not only my hip issue but also a shoulder stabilization issue I was having. If you’re an athlete, I definitely recommend this treatment to loosen tight muscles and get rid of any “junk” that is in there. Athletes get to a point where there is only so much you can do to yourself. Anyway, Dr. Eric Yu was amazing in working on me and getting me healthy. With the shoulder, I ultimately had an impingement problem that could easily have been caused from office job and shoulders rolling forward too much and too often in conjunction with what I do in the gym, causing “junk” to build up and causing the tissues to “glue” together. He sure did get lot of that junk out….and oh boy does it hurt…

But with the hip, because of how and where it hurt (internal rotation), he told me it is possible that I have a hip labrum tear. But of course there is no way to verify that without an MRI. He advised I give my hip REAL rest…as in not go below parallel with or without weight or continue to aggravate it for a few weeks, since I hadn’t really given it real rest beyond a couple weeks before….whoops.

April 2016: This month I competed in my very last weightlifting meet. While dealing with both a shoulder stability and hip issue at this time, preparing for this meet had me not going very heavy in a full squat or overhead so my coach took a very conservative approach to my lifts. I did not go very heavy in competition. Not how I had planned for my first sanctioned weightlifting meet to go, but it is what it is. But how sweet was my singlet? Check out The Snortlife Singlets – custom singlets by Cortney Bachelor, American Record holder (86kg snatch), two-time National champion weightlifter and Pan Am team member.

John Bosma Photography

John Bosma Photography

And right after the meet my coach stopped programming anything below parallel and gave my shoulder a break as well. Going insane in my limitations, I finally made the decision to go see Quinn Henoch, DPT of Juggernaut Systems. I had heard amazing things about his knowledge, heard people refer to him as a “movement wizard”. I’ve mentioned him before many times in previous posts but it’s because he’s been great in this whole janky journey for me. He knows his shit and knows exactly what I want to get back to – because he does it himself. Anyway, he is also very much about doing EVERYTHING you can before resorting to surgery or even before getting an MRI. Little known fact: there are so many athletes with tears in their bodies but have no clue because they have no pain and function normally. So, yes, it is very possible to have tears without pain and live on normally as an athlete. So after evaluating all my movements and positions, he prescribed exercises and drills for me to do diligently to correct some bad positioning I had while strengthening muscle imbalances I had in both shoulder and hip. His prescribed shoulder and hip drills plus a 30 Day Shoulder Fix by Crossover Symmetry and slowly introducing load to shoulders had my shoulders feeling much much better. But my hip? No go. No better – and no worse at least – than before.

May 2016: I finally scheduled an appointment to see a hip specialist surgeon. It also concerned Dr. Huber how and where it hurt so an MRI with contrast (and cortisone injection) and X-Ray were ordered. After that VERY uncomfortable MRI with contrast, I got my results: large labrum tear due to pincer and cam FAI (Femoroacetabular Impingement). Basically, I was predisposed to this happening due to my hip bone structure in the hips that do not fit together perfectly, therefore, the bones rub against each other during movement causing friction and damage to the joints. And because I am very active in a sport with repetitive movement and I have really good ROM in my hips, it was bound to happen. So no, weightlifting or CrossFit did not cause this, it basically would have happened in any sport with repetitive movement and/or cutting footwork involved. Fun fact, I have the same bone structure on the left side, but I don’t have pain, but he did warn me that it’s a possibility that I may have the same issue on left side in the future. Dr. huber pointed out that if I were a couch potato it may not have happened but as an active person it would have happened in almost any sport that has cutting and repetitive movements. Well…..damn. If the doctor was the goat…

I asked what my options are and he basically told me that I have done everything he would have recommended as non-surgical options (PT, correct imbalances, strengthen surrounding muscles, give it rest, etc). He added that surgery is one of the other options aside from PRP or Stem Cell. He said I could always try those, but they’re very expensive and not covered by insurance generally because they’re still technically experimental and the chances of it alleviating pain permanently aren’t too high due to the hip labrum not having a blood supply and the bone friction against the labrum. He told me that I’m a great candidate for hip arthroscopy because I’m young (fun fact: he kept thinking I was 23 BAHAHA) and would recover well with my athletic base. He went over what would have to be done in surgery which was basically go in through two or three ports via scope and repair the labrum tears with anchors and also sculpt the femur and acetabula to prevent this from happening again. He advised me to get a second opinion for my peace of mind and so that I know he’s not just pushing surgery on me.

June 2016: After some major lagging on my part, I finally went to get a second opinion, with Dr Saliman and he confirmed the results, and added, “It’s pretty bad in there, you really grinded away at the labrum by powering through for so long.”

Thank you, Captain Obvious. I mean, to be honest, I did appreciate his honesty and how blunt he was. He also added, “I’d recommend getting this taken care of sooner rather than later for multiple reasons but the main one being that if you don’t, you’re guaranteeing yourself a hip replacement when your older because your hard cartilage will be nonexistent at this rate.”

No, thank you. Ultimately, I did not feel as at ease with Dr. Saliman as I did with Dr. Huber, so if I were to pursue surgery, it would be with Dr. Huber.

September 2016: After mulling it over for a couple months (and putting it off), I made the decision to go through with the surgery. A big reason had always been my yearning to get back to Weightlifting pain free and without restriction but my hip pain had began to effect my daily life in the last few months. Being on my feet for more than a couple hours had me in hip pain at the end of day. Sitting for too long, too. Driving for more than 30 minutes, too. That is no way to live. I consulted with Quinn, DPT about it and he agreed that surgery seems like the right path for what I’m dealing with and everything I’ve tried. I’m young (in the scheme of things), have an athletic strength base that will help in recovery and have a great job with great benefits, so, why not? I went ahead and scheduled my surgery for November 16, 2016. I chose November rather than immediately because I already had a mini vacation booked and planned to Arizona beginning of November.

November 2016: Prior to surgery I squeezed in as much adventure as I could that I wouldn’t be able to do once I had surgery, like road trips, hiking, walking all over town, I even misbehaved and squatted in an in-house gym competition. Then surgery day came, and I went over all of that in this post.

Road Back To The Platform: So, What The Hell Happened? So, why did I get hip arthroscopy surgery? What were my symptoms? How did I decide to go through with it?

[optimusphillip]

OptimusPhillip Reviews 20: Transformers: Studio Series 32 Optimus Prime

It’s hard to believe it’s been more than a decade since the original Michael Bay Transformers movie came out. As much as I’ve grown to dislike the film series, I really enjoyed them as a kid, and even still I have a lot of nostalgia for the first movie. Not to mention, they have had quite a large impact on the Transformers franchise in general, so it makes sense that Hasbro and Takara would launch a toyline dedicated to revisiting these films... if for no other reason than the original toys didn’t really age well. And while my focus as of late has been on the G1 style toys, I have accumulated my fair share of Studio Series toys, so I should probably take a look at them as well. And what better place to start than with the big bot himself, Optimus Prime? Specifically, this is the second release of Optimus Prime, based on his appearance in the 2007 movie.

Truck Mode

Like in the film, Optimus transforms into a Peterbilt 379 semi-truck. Unfortunately, however, I find this to be a rather weak mode. Just looking at him, you can plainly see the robot mode feet sitting on the truck bed, which do nothing to hide the massive gap between the two halves. There is a trailer hitch molded in, but it barely resembles anything in real life. Then there’s the sides. Looking at the figure from the side, you can see the sides of the robot thighs, the transformation hinges, and hints of the robot shoulders. Furthermore, the steps leading up to the door are comically undersized and recessed, and the toolboxes by the gas tanks are completely absent. Best I can tell, these are all artifacts of the remolding process. The original release of this mold, Prime’s Revenge of the Fallen body, hides most of the robot parts behind panels, and retains the proper steps and toolboxes. But the toy had to be remolded for reasons we’ll get into later on, so those parts had to be replaced, leaving us with a weaker truck mode. Though that doesn’t explain why they removed some of the flood lights from the roof.

It’s not just aesthetics that suffer for the remolding. Due to the way the wheels transform, it’s difficult to get all six of them on the ground at once. Plus there seems to be something keeping the front of the truck from holding together correctly. Again, neither of these problems were present on the ROTF version, so I can only assume this is the result of the re-engineered transformation creating clearance issues.

There are some positives, though. For one, there is storage in this mode for his gun accessory. It can either tab into the slots on either side of his sleeper cab, it can attach to a pair of tabs on either side of the nose, or it can store on the “truck bed”. Also, the colors are nicer here than on the ROTF version. The red is much brighter and there’s a lot more silver. It’s still missing the gold gradient on the nose, and the blue flames on the rear fenders, but it’s still much better looking color-wise than the first release. I just wish the mold was as good as the first one.

Conversion

Transforming this figure is very different from the Siege figures I’ve covered. While figures like Siege Prime or Starscream do have difficult transformations, they’re still fairly clean all things considered. Here, there are a lot of parts that clash together, and a lot of steps that need to be done at the same time. For example, the nose of the truck needs to be split apart and unfurled before the rear can be brought down, and the rear needs to be brought down before the sleeper can transform, and the sleeper needs to be fully transformed before the nose can be brought up to form the arms. Once you get some practice in it becomes easy enough, but it’s definitely not as clean as the Siege line. Just a consequence of the movie aesthetic.

Robot Mode

The robot mode is where most of the retooling comes together. While the Revenge of the Fallen release had a much cleaner truck mode, this version has a much better looking robot mode. Compared to that toy, the chest is slimmed down and lacks the center hinge, the backpack is far cleaner, and the tires on his thighs are far more visible. Though I will say that the armpit fenders still make him look a bit... overweight. Still, he is far more screen accurate than the initial release.

The movie Transformers are infamous for their intricate designs, so naturally this figure has a lot of molded detail. You can see all kinds of mechanical elements and panels molded into his shins and biceps, all the overlapping armor plates on his thighs and arms, and of course all the interconnected truck parts that make up his torso. They even molded in the ab detailing he had in the movie, even though most of it is barely visible. He’s a really nice looking figure, though the deco leaves some to be desired.

He’s also decently articulated. Ball-jointed neck, universal shoulders with adjustable guards, bicep swivels, 90 degree elbows, and wrist rotation. Below the belt, he has a waist swivel universal hips, thigh swivels, almost 135 degree knees, and universal ankles. However, the truck tires on his thighs do impede some of the motion, especially when it comes to turning the waist or thighs. Still, you can get some decent poses out of him, and he’s pretty easy to balance thanks to his large feet.

While the Revenge of the Fallen version came with his battle blades, this version includes the ion blaster he used throughout the original trilogy. While it doesn’t form out of his fuel tanks, it is sculpted to match the gun used in the films, and it even has a burn mark on the muzzle. It fits snugly into his hands, though it does look a bit small in proportion. Maybe that’s just my imagination, though. If you don’t want him holding it, you can store it on his back like in truck mode, but it looks a bit odd in this mode. I prefer to just pose him with it, though it can also be mounted on the bottom of his forearm. While I don’t own the first release of the mold, I’m told he can also hold that figure’s blade weapons, though it’s an awkward fit with his remolded forearms.

Of course, his final feature, and the other reason for all the remolds, is that he can combine with Studio Series Leader Jetfire... a figure I do not own, so I cannot comment on that feature right now. If I ever get him, I do plan to do a review of him where I follow up on the combination.

Backdrop

Just real quick, I would like to comment on the included backdrop that comes standard with all Studio Series figures. They’re all constructed the same way: corrugated cardboard, with the bottom folded into a box, and a flap on either side. In addition to extending the backdrop, the right flap has the Studio Series logo, with the figure’s ID number at the top, and the left flap bears the Transformers logo and an Autobot sigil. Then in the middle of the stand piece is the logo of whatever film the toy is based on. The only difference between the backdrops, aside from the printing, is that larger figures have larger backdrops, so I’m not going to go over this again for the other toys.

This figure’s backdrop is based on the “Highway Showdown” scene from the first movie. Specifically, it depicts the highway overpass off of which Bonecrusher tackles Optimus. It’s a decent enough match to the movie; not frame perfect, but very familiar. Though I question why they chose this specific shot to recreate: I would’ve personally gone for either the beginning of the fight at the top of the overpass, or the end of the fight below the overpass, since it feels like an unnatural angle for a standing backdrop.

While standing up straight, Optimus fits very nicely onto the stand in robot mode, though his backpack does butt up against the backdrop when he’s fully on the base. Also, some poses don’t quite work, due to things like his backpack or his arms knocking the backdrop down. On the plus side, the side flaps do fold out if you want to get some wider poses in. I take issue with the fact that there’s only enough room on the base for one figure when this is supposed to depict a fight scene, but that’s probably more of a nitpick than anything. He also fits surprisingly well in truck mode. There’s a bit of overhang on the ends, and he only really fits at one angle, but all six wheels are within the edges of the base, so I’d say it counts.

Final Thoughts

Studio Series 32 Optimus Prime is a mixed bag of a figure. On the one hand, he has great articulation, an impressive amount of sculpted detail, a better color scheme, and looks much better in robot mode than the first release. On the other hand, the vehicle mode suffers quite a bit for those upgrades, with visible robot parts and issues holding together. Not to mention, there are much better Voyager Primes out there, like the 2010 Battle Blades figure. Really, this toy’s main saving grace is its ability to combine with Jetfire, something that no Voyager Prime toy has done before. If that feature doesn’t appeal to you, I’d honestly recommend trying to hunt down the Battle Blades Prime over this. That said, however, the Studio Series figure is still decent enough, and if you can’t find the Battle Blades for a decent price, this is a pretty good alternative.

[tumblunni]

MAN I tried messing around starting newgame plus on Digimon Cyber Sleuth, even though I’ve played more than enough already so I’m not really gonna play again so soon after finishing. And... WHAT THE HELL?? Seriously this is like a one game microcosm of how you don’t realise how much you’re being mistreated until you see how the other side lives. Specifically on the subject of weird minority stereotypes... The difference between the designs/animations/general presentation of the two gender options is REALLY BIZARRE?? I had no clue! Playing as the girl you just kinda think ‘yeah thats weird maybe’ but you dont realise the dude doesnt have the same problems. Like... she VERY MUCH suffers from the ‘miss male character’ trope. She’s the weird sort of ‘lol sexy genderswap deviantart fanfiction’ version of a female option. I thought I was just reading too much into it with how the girl is posed like a supporting character on the boxart and literally never appeared in any of the promotional material until the game came out... Its just so... ODD! Everything EVERYTHING about her is defined to be this overthetop stereotypical idea of ‘we have to let them know she’s the girl version’. She’s far more sexualized, she always does these ‘girly’ or ‘hot’ poses for LITERALLY EVERYTHING! Like, the dude’s animation is just running but she has to run with her arms wide out to the sides, skipping like a five year old and swaying her hips. And her standing pose also has the hands out, her toes inturned, her chest thrust forwards and this general sort of ‘tee hee hee’ thing?? It really REALLY started to bug me how her chest is ALWAYS thrust forwards, I started to get super anxious about ‘holy shit am I ever doing that when I walk and i dont know it? is this really how female bodies are supposed to work??’. Its like her resting pose is this thing and its extremely painful for her to fold her joints back into a normal mode. And she’s always always posing when the dude isnt posing AT ALL, even her selection screen image is her doing the ‘one leg bounces back while you kiss someone’ type pose, contorted into a wild accordion while he’s just looking at the camera. I jsut... didnt even realise what was bothering me so much about playing as this character, til i saw the total absence of it on the dude... SERIOUSLY! He doesnt have some overstereotypical super huge macho animation set, his design isnt made to yell ‘I’M MALE’, he isnt sexualized, he isnt the ‘one body type everyone in this gender has to have’. He’s a scrawny androgenous waif that could have worked equally well if you slapped the label female on that design, somehow to make him female they decided they had to scoop out holes in his waist and hips and shove them on his chest. While also adding a bazillion extra animations that make her walk around everywhere like that one damn gif of terrible ragdoll physics as some guy walks down a road. I did not understand that whole assassins creed controversy about ‘but women need more animations, it’d be too much work to add them’. NOW I UNDERSTAND. Why on EARTH do they think they need these animations?? Women dont have to do everything differently to men to prove theyre women, in real life literally nobody worries about accentuating stereotypical gender roles while doing COMPLETELY NORMAL THINGS. Women dont put huge effort into looking cute or sexy while they’re just frickin walking down the street or standing alone in the privacy of their own home. Its like these people know so little about women outside of hollywood femme fatale movies that they legit think that sort of walk cycle is biologically ingrained into one gender???? The fact nobody ever acts like macho bodybuilder walk cycles should be given to normal tiny teenagers in every situation makes it pretty clear the difference here... And seriously, what is even this universal THING that ‘male are default, you need to mark a character as different to show she’s female’? Which usually means making her more feminine than the real female actor playing her, like that even makes a damn lick of sense :P I mean seriously if we’re gonna talk actual biology, men are the ‘different’. A species cannot exist with only men, the only one sex species are all female. Or lack a sex, or contain both sets of genitals. Also there is at least one bird species that has two male genders as well as female. And male seahorses get pregnant, and male clownfish can physically transition into females as part of their natural life cycle. And all sorts of far more diverse things we humans can barely understand! And like... you can say ‘women are the different and men are the blank, because women have boobs and men don’t’. But you can also say that women are the default because men are the same thing with penises added. And seriously, boobs are just nipples that actually serve their intended purpose. Women have this extra function compared to men because MALE BREASTS ARE VESTIGAL! The organ still exists, it just sits there doing nothing and never changes at puberty. (Though even that is more fluid that you’d expect, there are ways to induce lactation even if you’re a cis man. i dont really know why anyone would want to do that, it wouldnt exactly work as well, but whatever.) Aaaaand OF COURSE this entire thing is a stupid argument anyway because it only talks about biology, which is not the same thing as gender. Not to mention that biological sex isn’t all cut and dry either, the human species has A LOT of different intersex conditions. You can even have people who don’t have significant enough outward symptoms to be recognised as intersex at birth, who go their whole life thinking they’re a cis male only to suddenly find out they had an undiagnosed hormone condition and are technically a trans man. There is most definately no magical biological guideline for how men and women act. Especially frickin stupid nonsense like overspecific cultural guidelines on what’s cute for a woman to do while running, geez. You really can;t just ‘tell’ that someone is ‘really a woman’ or ‘really a man’ cos of how they act, and thats why this stuff pisses me off even when the story isnt saying anything about trans people. I’m so used to seeing this overexaggerated japanese concept of feminine/masculine mannerisms being used on trans stereotypes, it bugs me even seeing it being done to cis women... gahh this has gone wildly offtopic and I’m just venting Everything Bad About Stereotypes rather than the specific thing about this specific game I need to logoff and go cheer myself up. OH BUT yeah this game also literally has a friggin ‘we can tell this man is really a woman because mannerisms’ scene :P which also dissappointed the hell out of me cos it seemed like a trans character and instead it was the cliche I Had Some Reason To Pretend To Be A Man thing... Also apparantly instead of acting like that male persona, the male persona was magical brainwashing virtual reality stuff. What a wasted opportunity! You could have told us a lot of stuff about her personality from comparing how she acted while under this other fake personality, and what it implies she hides from other people. Like ‘hey, maybe she actually can be confident as long as she’s wearing a mask!’ Nah, everything badass or tough or sassy she did was just mind control. And she’s not trans. And blehh being outed by ‘acting like a girl’... Its so weird cos the game actually does have one trans npc in a sidequest, and has trans themes with a few major digimon. In the sense that they were male in previous seasons and have designs considered ‘masculine’ but take female forms when disguising themselves as humans. (and the player-controlled versions of these digivolutions even have different masculine voices matching earlier seasons!) Gahhhh at least I can sit here hugging my ambiguously genderqueer alphamon headcanons and nobody can tell me those arent canon cos the question was never answered either way! I hate the cliche answer that ‘yes all alphamons are male cos they ‘look male’, this one was just a man disguised as a woman’, but still even if that was the intent, it means the character is trans coded! EITHER OPTION IS TRANS TIME protect me, alphamon protect me from super gender essentialist game how do you even EXIST in this game?? seriously even your human disguise was super fanservicey weird female stereotypes mannnnnn i guess I had a few problems with this game aside from the one stupid rape scene :P aaaaand the problem of the game clearly being written assuming nobody would play the female option, so characters still constantly call you ‘he’ and such the only good consolation being that the game accidentally becomes Hella Gay, though I would have preferred canon lesbians instead of this weirdness WHY CANT FEI AND YUUKO BE CANON IT GOT SO CLOSE TO BEING CANON THEN FEI DISSAPPEARED FROM THE PLOT FOREVER only reappearing as a postgame newgame plus bonus boss that makes it impossible to complete the damn Masters Cup damn you fei damn you awesome amazing hella gay fei whom i love you deserved to be in a better game you deserved to be the matt-esque rival, i will never forget that you started off teasing that role and then just vanished... HELL, CAN SHE BE THE PROTAGONIST OF A SEQUEL OR SOMETHING game entirely about her and yuuko’s amazing story of love! also alphamon wandering in just to yell ‘I AM CANONICALLY TRANSGENDER’, make everyone a cup of coffee, and leave aaaaa why did i spend so long rambling every single complaint about this game, games in general, gender stereotypes in gender, life in general... its weird how just realizing ONE THING about a stupid walk cycle animation made me realise my general nebulous feeling of uncomfortableness that I could never explain about this game :P I am really excited for digimon world next order being better than this!

[optimusphillip]

OptimusPhillip Reviews 19: Transformers Generations Hound (WFC: Siege)

So, in the time that has past since my last Siege review, the first wave of Earthrise toys has already hit store shelves... but I’m really falling behind on my toy collecting, so I haven’t gotten my hands on those just yet. But I do still have new toys to cover, most of them acquired over winter break, so let’s take a look at the last (unique) Siege toy I haven’t reviewed, and talk about Hound: the breakout success of the first wave of the Siege subline.

Vehicle Mode

Hound’s vehicle mode is, of course, a Cybertronian military light utility vehicle, and it is really nice looking. I actually think that it’s one of the best original vehicle modes I’ve seen in the series. It doesn’t feel like they took a Jeep and added a bunch of extra parts on it, or just cobbled together whatever vehicular shape they could futz the robot into. This actually looks how a military light utility vehicle would look if it were being made on Cybertron.

He’s cast primarily in his classic olive drab color, with black for the roll-cage and bed, wheels, bumper and side pieces. There’s also a bit of gray plastic for the interior, which kind of looks like a set of seats thanks to the visible transformation tabs, and a small piece of clear plastic for the windscreen... which is mounted directly in front of an opaque black plate. I question the usefulness of that. Also, he does have a bit of under-kibble: the arms visibly hang down below the sides, and the head and thighs are plainly visible if you look from the bottom. I’d be able to accept those, but the arms are a bit of a problem. Not a deal breaker, though.

In terms of paint, he has some bronze striping on his hood and down the sides, much like his G1 toy, as well as green paint on his hubcaps. He also gets fully painted lights, which is a bit of a shock. Headlights and driving lamps done in white, fog lights and directionals done in yellow, and even the taillights are done in red, with rear directionals as well. And of course, he gets his classic five-pointed star and silver-bordered Autobot symbol on the hood. And of course, he has the Siege battle damage, visible on the bumper in this mode. I think this is a really good use of battle damage, but I can still see people being unhappy with this. At least it’s only covering up colored plastic, so a dexterous collector could strip away the paint without damaging the other details.

As far as features are concerned, he of course has free spinning wheels, so he can roll around. Also, as part of the War for Cybertron Trilogy, he has a number of 5mm pegholes, eight in total in this mode, as well as a single blast effect hardpoint on his bumper. But the most interesting feature to me is that there’s a slit in his bumper piece, right under the molded hinge piece, where you can apparently thread a real string to create a somewhat functional winch. It’s the most random feature to just throw in without any fanfare, but it’s actually pretty cool.

Onto accessories, the figure includes three in total. His classic shoulder cannon, and what looks like some kind of machine gun with a detachable ammo clip. All three of these can store in his vehicle mode. Both guns can, of course, fit into any of his 5mm ports, while the ammo clip fits into a dedicated spot on the rear. Officially, the shoulder cannon goes in the middle of the rear section, with the machine gun mounted beside it, but I like mounting it on one of the two ports on either side of the very back. It just looks nicer there in my opinion. But hey, that’s the beauty of the C.O.M.B.A.T. system: it’s totally modular, so you can do whatever you think looks good.

Conversion

While the visible robot parts on the bottom might give the impression of a simple transformation, Hound still packs a few surprises in. To start with, the entire side of the vehicle detaches and then folds up to form the leg, though the roll-cage and bed assembly kind of gets in the way. After that it gets more simplistic: fold the arms out and bring down the front end of the vehicle. However, the roll-cage and bed then collapse together and fold down into the backpack, which is actually kind of neat. There’s even a hinge on the hood panel behind the head, so it doesn’t get in the way of posing. It’s a really fun transformation, which is refreshing after the rather bland transformations of the previous Deluxes I’ve covered.

Robot Mode

Hound’s original robot mode is a hard one to replicate without looking strange, so most of his toys need to take creative liberties with the aesthetic. This is true of the Siege toy. Instead of the old-school fender shoulders, Siege Hound has the standard block shoulders mounted at the top of the torso. Also, his feet are scaled down considerably, with the extra mass going into the lower legs due to the way all the wheels fold up into them. Still, the robot looks really nice, and honestly I think it would only look worse if it tried harder to match the cartoon.

Most of the paint detail from the vehicle mode carries over into this mode, with the only new detail being on the arms. His shoulders get silver outlines of his classic star symbol, and he also gets some more bronze stripes around his forearms. Aside from that, all we get is some battle damage on his shins, which again, may turn some people off, but I think it’s passable.

You know the drill now: articulation. Ball jointed neck, but his head shape limits the angular motion; universal shoulders and hips; bicep and thigh swivels; 90 degree elbows and knees; wrist swivel and ankle tilts; and a waist swivel. He’s about on par with the other Siege Deluxes, and I’m so happy I can say that about this level of posability.

In terms of extra functions, there are now five blast effect points, and a total of thirteen C.O.M.B.A.T. ports, so you can load him out with either Weaponizer parts or just whatever accessories you think would work with him. Of course, he can hold both his machine gun or his missile launcher in either hand, or attach them to any of the ports on his body, but of course the proper place for the missile launcher is on his shoulder. It can go on either side, but canonically it belongs on the right side. There is no missile piece, but there are various options for it on the aftermarket. And of course, the weapons can all combine together to form an extra-long rifle, which I find actually works better than most of these Siege combined weapons. He can even hold it in both hands, though it does take some futzing and only works in one pose: pointing to his side and slightly upwards. Still, it works surprisingly well, though I do still prefer the base configuration.

Final Thoughts

Siege Hound was an absolute hit with fans, and for good reason. Compared to the other Deluxes in the line, his vehicle mode is cohesive and unique, while still maintaining the original identity. His transformation is fun and engaging, his paint job is outstanding, and he still has at least as much articulation as any other figure in the assortment. I honestly wish I’d gotten a hold of him sooner, but I’m so happy to have him. He’s definitely a must-have for the Siege line... at least until he inevitably gets an Earthrise remold which keeps everything I loved about the toy but reshells it into an actual Jeep, making me debate about whether I should buy the same toy over again and... I need to reboot.

[optimusphillip]

OptimusPhillip Reviews 29: Transformers Generations Chromedome (Titans Return)

Welcome back to OptimusPhillip Reviews Pride Month Edition. Yesterday, we took a look at Titans Return Legends Rewind, and today we’ll be taking a look at his partner, Titans Return Chromedome.

Vehicle Mode

Like the G1 toy, Chromedome transforms into a retro-futuristic sports car. Looking at pictures, however, this version seems to be a much more streamlined take. The arms are now tucked away, and the rear is stretched out some to make for a more aerodynamic shape. The part that I really like are the wheels, they’re beefed up quite a bit and look like they could catch some serious traction. It helps that they’re cast in translucent plastic, which reminds me of the Velocitronians from Cybertron. It gives me a nice bit of nostalgia.

The color scheme is faithfully adapted, too. Primarily done in brown, tan on the rear and sides, with red on the roof. The hood deco of the original is updated, and even the headlight and grill stickers are fully molded. There’s also some new details, like the Autobot symbol on the hood and the red stripes on the quarter panels. The only real problems I have are the fact that the rear section is unpainted, and the random strip of brown on the side, though the latter is due to an unpaintable part, so I can accept it.

The figure comes with two guns, both cast in red. However, neither resemble the twin guns from the original toy. Instead, he comes with a Titan Master chair gun, and a red version of the rifle that came with Titans Return Blurr. Both have standard 5mm pegs, which allow them to mount on either fender, and the chair gun can mount on the roof via a pair of tabs. You can also mount the rifle on top of the chair gun in two configurations. There’s a port on top of the chair gun’s barrel that can accommodate the rifle’s handle, allowing a Titan Master to man it, and there’s also a hole behind the rifle’s handle that can attach to the peg at the rear of the chair gun that makes a cleaner looking gun emplacement. And of course, you can open up the cockpit to remove the Titan Master Stylor.

Titan Master Stylor

Technically, Stylor is a redeco of Hyperfire, the Titan Master that came with Blurr. However, the mold was clearly designed with Stylor in mind, so I’m inclined to call this a predeco. His torso is cast in brown, with all extremities cast in red. This is a marked improvement over the Firedrive Titan Master I already reviewed, which was cast entirely in gray, but sadly the figure is still unpainted. Given that there’s already multiple plastic colors in play, I’d be inclined to accept the lack of paint if it weren’t for the lack of paint on the face. As it is, it’s still a bit of a bummer.

He has standard Titan Master posability: ball jointed neck, ball jointed shoulders with limited outward range, and conjoined legs that bend forward at the hip and both ways at the knee. He also has ports on his feet to allow him to mount on Titan Master pegs, which are a very tight fit on my copy. Weirdly enough, though, there are no pegs on Chromedome himself. In fact, there isn’t even a slot in the cockpit for Stylor’s heel peg, so he just floats freely in the driver seat. He can, however, tab into the chair gun and ride on the roof that way, so you aren’t completely without options.

Conversion

One thing I like about Chromedome is that you actually have to open his cockpit to transform him. While subtle, this does help to streamline the conversion process to a point where I wish more Headmasters did this. At this point, however, the conversion might start feeling familiar to owners of the Combiner Wars Dead End mold. While the two don’t share any parts, they are built around the same transformation scheme. Arms pop out to the sides, shins open outwards to allow the legs to unfold, and the hood collapses down into a backpack. I personally don’t have any experience with the Dead End mold, so I can’t say for certain how repetitive this feels, but from what I’ve heard it’s pretty much the same, except of course the combiner peg is replaced with a Titan Master connector. So depending on your perspective, this is either a time-tested design that has proven effective... or it’s an tired and overused design that’s you’re probably sick of by now.

Robot Mode

Much like Rewind, Chromedome’s robot mode is based heavily on his IDW appearance, specifically his appearance in the Shadowplay arc. The only major differences I see are sacrifices for the sake of the car mode, like the tan shins and all the vehicle kibble. Aside from that, it’s mostly just slight variations in color, like the silver on the torso and the brown hands. I really like the look of this robot mode, it feels like a solid update to the G1 design. I could complain about the fact that the chest isn’t actually the car hood, but this is one of the cases where I think faux parts improve the look of a figure. About the only complaint I have is that the arms look a little short. I would’ve liked if they could extend out a bit, but this is probably a limitation of the original engineering.

The IDW influence is most visible on this figure’s head sculpt. Unlike the 1987 design, this Chromedome has a visor instead of separate eyes, and the face in general is much less boxy. I personally really like this head design. It’s very expressive, and looks really good next to Rewind. If you’d rather have a G1 style head, however, you do have options. The Takara Legends release of the figure had a retooled head to better match his appearance in the Headmasters anime, as well as a more G1 accurate paint job. The same head and a similar paint job can also be found on the more recent Retro Headmasters release. Personally, however, I’m a sucker for the IDW style head, so I’m happy with the version I got.

Articulation-wise, Chromedome’s neck is on a ball joint with a nice range of motion that lets him emote wonderfully. His shoulders are on ball joints, and those ball joints are themselves hinged for transformation. Mushroom peg bicep swivels are here, as well as 90 degree elbows. Waist swivels for the transformation, hips are on ball joints, and the knees bend 90 degrees. No useful ankle joint, but the feet are sculpted for a more natural A-stance.

In robot mode, Chromedome can still hold both of his weapons separately, though the chair gun has to be flipped over and cannot carry a Titan Master. They can also be combined together, but he can only hold it in one configuration. You can still use the side pegs on his shoulders to let a Titan Master sit in the chair gun, though, or to use the alternate configuration. I prefer to have him hold them separately, though. I just think it looks better that way.

Final Thoughts

Titans Return Chromedome is an amazing figure. While the engineering is recycled from a previous mold, everything about him feels distinctly Chromedome. The car mode is familiar yet streamlined, and the robot mode is almost dead on to his IDW body. And of course, he looks right at home next to his devoted partner, Rewind. If you aren’t sick of the Combiner Wars Dead End design yet, I would highly recommend getting this figure in some form, and with the Retro release currently on store shelves, it shouldn’t be too difficult to find him for a decent price. Personally, however, I’m partial to the IDW version, especially if you plan on getting him and Rewind together. Because, let’s be honest, these two belong together. Happy Pride Month!