#and not only did I survive my exam i think it actually went well!!!

[darkeyedghost]

I survived my ancient Greek language exam 🎉

[cheekblush]

me today 💤

[rqbossman]

Hello Mr Bossman! (and possibly anyone else who reads this)

Its an honour to be here, I have a few questions. First i appologise for the long paragraph, you may dismiss it for the questions at the bottom. For context, i am here after finishing TMA and being up to date with TMAP, i then went over and listened to RQG, and have just finished listening to Epilogue 3 and might i just say, good sir I am grateful for your podcasts. I am currently just a few months away from my final exams of High School, and as someone who even just 1 year ago was very lost, struggling with school and being just overwhelmed. TMA isnt exactly comforting, but the characters and plot managed to serve as a good form of escapism while sorting myself out. I found my self engaging more in creative things that i had originally put aside in favour of maths and science (which i hated but thought i needed to do). I started drawing again, even if just fanart. and i found things going well. By finding podcasts, story telling and these communities have helped me in my own understanding of what i want in life. I got an ADHD diagnosis earlier this year, and almost directly after started RQG and as my first hyperfixation (that i was aware of as an hyperfixation) gosh dang it hit hard. (in a good way). Ive been able to do so much more creative writing and drawings, and got re-involved with a small dnd group with some friends who i played one game with almost 4 years ago now. So overall, inspirational sounds cringe, but it was. Im doing my best with the upcoming exams, but trying to get in to Medicine is not my only prority, and the fact ive been re-introduced to my first love (Literature and story telling), im planning to go do an Arts degree and i know i wouldnt have been able to confidently make this decision, or even have survived this long in the school system without the work you and your coworkers do. Now the sap is out of the way, Question time! (if you could answer even just one of these questions it would be so cool)(they go in order of RQ relevant to random stuff)(dont feel pressured to answer all/any. i know i wrote alot): 1. what would you say is the best way to draft out a long-form story. (with "Erasing the Line" as an example) Did you start at the end, with the links to the overarching plot.

2. When working with the players (in a form of TTRPG), what did you do to make sure you didnt miss relevant timing of plot points/ avoid creating spoilers while still giving enough detail?

3. What are good places to start with making a job out of storytelling/voice acting/audio etc. In the case of RQ, how is this a job and where do i sign up please! /j (what i mean is, how is best way/how did you find all the people involved and was there a common path that you were all on before getting to where you are now?) 4. Do you have recommendations for Terry Pratchett Books, i may be an literary-leaning student, but it seems i have never actually properly read any of his books. so where is best place to start?/What did you read first?

5. Similar authors or similar inspirations? Did you have a favourite podcast you listen to in your free time that you havnt had a hand in producing/directing/working on. 6. Favourite song/album/artist. And more specifically, what you like listening to in background when doing either writing or (for ttrpg) character research/game planing. 7. Since the olympics are on at the moment, what has been your favourite sport to watch, if you have been watching at all. Thank you for your time :)

Thankyou for all the kind words. Knowing our work is helping people really keeps our engines fired up. Let's see if I can't answer your questions: 1. I "sandbox" which is where I just shove everything I can think of into an unorganised bullet point list. Characters, setting, plot, all of it in one big mess. Then I decide what type of story you want to tell, copy and paste to a new document and then start to organise the thoughts (with the sandbox on standby if new stuff comes in I don't know what to do with). I think of it like scultping, you cut away bits and reshape until something comes out the other end that is story shaped. Only then do I attempt to build the sandcastle and put something coherant together like a synopsis or scratch draft etc.

2. Very tricky. I did a complete review and update of all notes after each recording session and don't forget the audio eas edited. I made lots of gaffs that you never heard as audience.

3. I contacted anyone I could convince to take part and just proved I was serious by overworking. I don't reccomend that route. Unfortunately it really is "who" you know. That doesn't mean chase established professionals as much as it means you need to get out there and associate with other up-and-comers who match your vibe. For me the route was long and windy and not a particularly good example. 4. I normally recommend people do not read his books in publication order. Don't get me wrong, its wonderful watching his craft grow from one title to the next but I would recommend new readers tip their toe into his later works to see if they like where he ended up before committing the time. I often recommend 'Monstrous Regiment' as people's first one. My favourite though is 'Thief of Time.'

5. I don't get much time to listen to podcasts in the last couple of years. I used to listen to a lot of non fiction. 'Stuff you Should Know' and that ilk. I also read a fair amount of classic YA fiction to unwind (Windinsger trilogy, Bartimeous, stuff like that.) 6. Paul Simon's Graceland but when working I assemble a playlist for each seperate project that is tonally appropriate. If I really need to focus I listen to Classical Minimalism. Or the Old School Runescape soundtrack. I'm allowed to be ecclectic. 7. I am actually in an incredibly busy work crunch at the moment so haven't seen any of it!

[wonderwithin-us]

The dream you're looking for is in the work you're avoiding ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Guess who got their phone broken 💗 but it's alright, it's all ok now & I noted down all I did in the past 3 days. My exams were a little bad, really bad to be completely honest, but it's alright, it was my first time giving exams this semester and I learnt what I need to do.

11th of July, 2023 💕

100 days of productivity — day 5, week 1

Economic exam preparation ~ I was so confused, there were so many concepts I'd missed because of my sickness but I tried YouTube and notes online. Procrastination really did get the best of me. I need to lessen my use of insta, seriously, I think Tumblr is more safe in that regard.

Microeconomics — Introduction & Consumer's Equilibrium

Statistics — Introduction & Organisation of Data

I need to work on my graphs, practice more and overall concepts of microeconomics. Also, clear up my concepts on stats. It's easy, but revision is needed.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

12th of July, 2023

100 days of productivity — day 6, week 1

Economics exam, yikes. Next exam was Psych the next day, so I was really nervous because I wanted to score well in it! ❣️

However.

Procrastination got to me, again. I studied for a while then thought it was too easy and I could do it at night, which, evidently, I couldn't.

I think rather than seeing easy topics as something to skip studying or take easy, I should put more effort in them so I can get them perfect and let it pay back to me.

What is Psychology? & Methods of Enquiry

I need to work on my basic concepts, esp in ch-2, and notes. Visual learning works best for me, and making my own notes is essential to my learning 📖

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

13th of July, 2023

100 days of productivity — day 7, week 1

Dear god, I think my psych exam was the most terrible. Which hurt me the most.

I really did lose hope after this. Not only did my incredibly unclear concepts and no notes not help, but the exam was extremely tough, the questions were really vague and I didn't understand them, and the worst of all, I literally forgot I had a whole section to do as objective even after rechecking. I lost 5 marks from that, maybe more.

That really hurt.

Tomm was English exam! I had seen what had happened in the last papers, so I really worked hard here.

I mostly focused on literature, since the creative writing formats were mostly very easy and took less than an hour.

Chapters with details are hard!

Anyways, I was really anxious until the end, and kept a few detailed chapters to the morning after to revise.

I really need to work on studying chapters I've missed before the exams come. It was so messy and frustrating trying to understand all these chapters with online notes and summaries, especially when the chapters are so open ended and the teacher is so strict with answers 💌

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

14 of July, 2023

100 days of productivity — day 8, week 2

WAR!!! IS!!! OVER!!!!

Final exam day, I was nervous but it was actually quite alright!

I absolutely need to work on my speed, though.

Also, I almost always exceeded the word limit in answers. So, I need to practice my creative writing more, not just in my head, but actually on paper, and be more perfectionist in my answers in literature.

I went out with my big brother to eat street food and it was all very lovely 🍝

I also wrote a lot of poetry, which I'm really quite proud of. I also received some really good news! 💕

New week! The first week was really, really overwhelming, and I don't want my future self to end up like that again. It was exhausting and hurtful and I want to get better.

In the end, I've got a lot of stuff to work with and I'm really proud of my self to survive all this! ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* I hope nothing but peace upon my future.

[nicoise]

El <3

"a tentative, exploratory kiss between friends" sounds very interesting and I would love to read something written by you!

The afternoon after Blaine took his last exam, they went to the beach.

Kurt was waiting for him outside the exam hall. It was blindingly sunny. Blaine felt the warmth envelope him and remembered he was alive.

Kurt was smiling behind his enormous sunglasses. “How was it?”

“I honestly don’t care how I did for once,” Blaine said, following Kurt to the car. “I’m just happy I’m done.”

The drive took twenty minutes. The thing about letting Kurt drive was that he kept glancing toward Blaine in the passenger seat, not actually at him, but to look at the road. Even this nominal attention flustered him. He looked out the window on his side to hide it.

It was a weekday and the beach was relatively empty. There were maybe three families and a handful of people walking their dogs.

The glossy rocks created vague tide pools. Kurt sat on a rock as Blaine waded into the water, which glittered when the sun passed over it.

“Look,” said Blaine. “Tiny fish.” There were in fact pale minnows swimming around his ankles.

Kurt leaned down to look. Blaine flicked water at him. Kurt emitted an impressively high pitched noise. 

Blaine laughed so hard he tripped over something. The water was freezing. When he resurfaced Kurt was looking smug. “Avenged without even having to do anything."

Blaine was soaked and his hair was done for. He shook his head and saw Kurt duck from the flinging water drops. “Wow, it’s like you’re the wicked witch of the west.”

“I’m not afraid of water,” Kurt said, “I would just like to not get wet.”

“Did you know fear of water was historically associated with rabies? They used to call rabies hydrophobia or something.”

“How relevant.”

“It’s not really,” Blaine started to say, then realized Kurt was being sarcastic. “Oh. I think exams made my brain melt into a confusing pool of trivia.”

Blaine was doing premed to satisfy his parents. If he failed to get into medical school he’d be free to pursue something else. It made studying really psychologically difficult.

Kurt didn’t say anything about it even though he had in the past. He just said, “I miss your voice. Sing something for me?”

Blaine did. Kurt had perfect pitch and gave him the starting note. He was able to laugh at himself when his voice cracked because it was Kurt, who was the only one who ever really heard him sing. 

Pressed up to the rock that Kurt was sitting on, his face by Kurt’s knee, it was easy to allow the romance of the moment bleed into his voice. It was the part of the afternoon when the clouds would cover and uncover the sun so that the sky would dim and brighten over and over. He was watching the water glitter intermittently and thinking about how every song sounded like it was about Kurt.

Later they were walking up the shore. It was still sunny but windy and Blaine was shivering.

“Just ditch your wet shirt,” Kurt suggested. “You can have this one. Advantage of so many layers.” He undid his button-down shirt and tossed it at Blaine, who caught it neatly. Underneath Kurt was wearing a black tank top, which fit him really well.

Blaine shucked off his wet shirt as Kurt stared into the not-quite sunset. Kurt’s shirt had a fancy black and white pattern. Blaine had seen him wear it often without expecting to ever be holding it in his hands. 

He put it on. The material felt expensive and it smelled like Kurt, like his sweat and his sunscreen. Blaine wasn’t expecting it. For a brief moment it was hard to breathe. 

Kurt turned. He looked approving. “You should let me buy you clothes sometime.”

“I would never survive shopping with you,” Blaine said, glad his voice came out normal. “What is this, Prada?”

“Nope.”

“Mcqueen.”

“No.”

“Dolce and Gabbana. Vivienne Westwood. Burberry.”

“No luck.”

Blaine gave up when he’d listed every designer and retailer he thought Kurt would deign to shop at. It was Forever21. Apparently Kurt was full of surprises.

On the way back they stopped at 7Eleven where Blaine bought a raspberry slushie. They sat on a park bench outside near the pigeons.

Blaine offered Kurt the cup. “Do you want some?”

Kurt hesitated. He was weird about sharing straws. Blaine began to pry off the lid of the cup so Kurt could drink directly from it. 

Something happened. Kurt began to laugh. “Oh my god.”

The lid had spat bits of slushie on Blaine’s face. A wet chunk of ice slid down his cheek. “Oh, come on.”

Kurt didn’t stop laughing but did produce a handkerchief for him. Trust Kurt to carry around handkerchiefs. 

Blaine took it and wiped his face. “Just be glad I didn’t mess up your shirt.”

That shut Kurt up. “You’re right. Red40 is impossible to get out of blended textiles.” He looked Blaine over, possibly for signs of slushie damage, seemingly finding none. “The shirt looks good on you,” he said.

“Thanks. I - “ He lost his train of thought. Kurt was staring at him still.

“You have a…” Kurt motioned at his own face.

It took Blaine a while to get it. Then he pressed his fingers to the corner of his mouth.

“Other side.”

He switched sides.

“No - like, near the middle but not - “ Kurt sighed. “Don’t give me that face, it’s distracting.”

What face? Blaine looked at him in confusion, hand dropping to his side.

Kurt’s irritated expression softened. The light of the setting sun was doing something to his face - it made his skin almost luminous, revealing a faint dusting of freckles Blaine had never noticed before. Blaine was so entranced by it that when Kurt kissed him he didn’t react until it was over.

It was a little off center. There was a fleeting impression of a touch to his bottom lip like a caress. Blaine put a hand to his mouth. Oh. Kurt had kissed the slushie off him.

Blaine was smiling. He couldn’t help it. He was thinking about how Kurt had always been unwilling to share a straw, about every imagined glance that might not have been imagined, and the song from earlier was ringing in his head but there was no hopelessness to it anymore.

Kurt looked away like he was embarrassed. “It’s gone,” he said, apparently over it, but his voice was pitchy.

Blaine was okay with letting him pretend. “Okay,” he said. “Thank you.”

Kurt looked up, eyebrow on the rise, but whatever he saw on Blaine’s face made it stop.

It was hard to tell who leaned in first; they met in the middle and then it was the real thing. Kurt tasted faintly of raspberry. His top lip was spare but his lower lip was full, and he made a pleased sound when Blaine bit it gently. He was cupping Blaine’s face in his hands and Blaine felt like he was submerging in a wash of joy that was the opposite of terrifying, like a tide that returns forever.

“Wow,” Blaine said, when they separated. He said it again.

Kurt was watching him sort of anxiously. “So does this mean - ? If you tell me that was friendly I will combust.”

Blaine tried not to laugh. “Uh, what exactly do you think I do with my friends?”

“How am I supposed to know?”

“Look. Kurt. They’re all sick to death of hearing about my massive crush on you which I apparently haven’t shut up about all year - “

Kurt cut him off with another kiss, quick, full of intent. Blaine was starting to think he’d never get used to it. It was like stepping out of the exam room and into the sun all over again: exhilarating.

[thekingofwinterblog]

Do you think that, ezpecially with the Spinner chapter, MHA will actually go somewhere with Dekus failure to save Shigaraki?

Dont get me wrong, I wish it would, but to me it didnt seem like he failed something in universe but more that out universe it was decided that keeping Shigaraki alive would be too much of a hassle.

My fear is, that things like the scar on the freckles aren't signs that Hori will commit to this bitter sweet moment that will lead to some larger point, but that it is just a way to pacify people who found it weird: "See, Deku lost his innocence, he failed! Anyways, now look at all the cute and wacky next gen babys!"

Just spitballing and curious for a second opinion

Ultimately, Izuku's final lesson from his fight against All For One, was that he could not save everyone.

However, from a thematic point, it's just the other coin of one of the very first messages he learned in this series, and one which All Might tried to teach him through the series.

In the very first chapter of the series, Izuku comes to terms with the brutal reality that at the end of the day, he did not directly save Bakugo's life.

Despite his best intentions, Izuku could not save Bakugo.

The overall message of that first chapter, is not that Izuku was a failure because he could not do it, but that what made him different than anyone else there, is that he tried to save a person in need, in spite of all odds or dangers.

It's something that's hammered in again during the entrance exam, and highlighted again and again through the series, of it's characters "Bodies moving withouth them thinking" to save someone.

The other side of the coin however, is that MHA is not One Piece, where characters will survive, and damn every single thematic point or character moment that is wrecked because of it.

People die in this series, because MHA is a story about Heroes trying, succeding, and failing to save people.

When Questioned about it, All Might bluntly tells Izuku that he is not omnipotent. He cant save everyone, and the only thing he can do is keep on smiling and continuing his duty.

The obvious implication here, and the one that All Might is telling Izuku(with Shigaraki in the background no less) is that He too, cannot save everyone. He is not omnipotent. He will fail at some point, and in the end, the only thing he can do is keep on smiling and continuing onwards.

He is not a moral failure because he could not do, no more than All Might is. He is a good person because he tried, regardless of outcome.

Izuku sorta learned this lesson during his internship with Nighteye's death, but unlike that time, during the final battle, he was at the height of his power, maybe not as strong as he could possibly have become, but in the end as strong as he ever got.

And yet he failed to save Shigaraki, just as he failed to save Nighteye. just as he failed to save Bakugo.

Only now, at the very end, does Izuku finally have to come to the terms with All Might's words, that no matter what, he will fail to save people. it doesnt matter how strong or experienced he became. People will die.

That doesnt make him a failure, as the important point is that he tries, and gives it all he has, but it is a harsh lesson he has to learn if he wishes to continue on this road of his.

Basically this moment from One Piece chapter 166.

It's kinda hilarious how well Oda understood and nailed this point in early one piece, given how One Piece itself would go on to mangle it beyond belief, but The great thesis of MHA is basically this, only instead of chickening out of the ultimate point, it went through with it by killing off almost all of it's villains during the final battle, rather going for a sappy, everybody lives and people were redeemed ending.

That's not how war works.

when people fight, People die. in battle, people will always die, regardless of how good you do or how much you wish otherwise.

Thinking you can avoid this truth is naive.

Ultimately, Izuku saved the world. However long his powers remain afterwards, or how short his actual professional hero career lasts, he is the world's greatest hero. He saved millions of lives. The fact that he could not save Tomura as well does not change that.

He cant save everyone. No matter how hard he tries.

He tried as hard as he could, and he failed. But that doesnt mean he was wrong to try to begin with. just that he needs to understand that he wont always suceed.

[athetos]

I honestly have no fucking idea how I went to college for 4 straight years full time without dropping out. Undiagnosed narcolepsy and adhd, unmedicated, I spent multiple semesters not even on antidepressants, or worse, on ones that made me violently ill, had a month-long bout of a stomach disorder I didn’t even know I inherited from my dad, spent half that amount of time in an abusive relationship, plus a ton more of vastly complex and out of control interpersonal drama, like I barely survived at all tbh but I somehow managed to get a degree? And 3 fucking minors? By the time I was 22? I barely attended some of my classes, people were so used to me falling asleep in the hallways that they’d just step over me and put my coat on me like a blanket, I only passed a couple of classes because I cheated on exams and broke down in the professor’s office and they pitied me, but I fucking did it?

Like, if I went back and time and did it all over again, only this time properly medicated and with a real support group, I would probably have a fucking 4.0, be in 5 clubs, did that crazy double major I joked about, and my life would be so unrecognizable. I’d be in a PhD program right now at some prestigious university and… okay, let’s be real, I probably wouldn’t be making more money than I am right now because I’ve seen what they fucking pay grad students, but that’s just insane to me, how differently my life could have turned out. Or maybe it wouldn’t be different. Maybe it would be the same, or maybe it would even be worse. Like, I’m dating a milf who’s 9 inches taller than me, so maybe this is the best timeline.

Yet, it’s kind of… both funny and depressing to know how fucked I get right now if I don’t have my meds, even if I’m not in a depressive episode. I can barely function without them. I’m asleep more than I am awake, I can’t focus, I have no energy, and if I go more than just a few days without my antidepressants I have full-on mental breakdowns and am borderline-suicidal. So, this of course means 1 of 2 things must be true. Either I wasn’t this fucked up in college, and my disorders must have worsened over time, or I was this fucked up and still forced myself through a degree. The second is probably the most likely, to be honest. And you might be thinking, “Ash, can’t you just remember and compare your symptoms?” You have to understand that I was so unbelievably stressed at some points that huge chunks of time spanning weeks is permanently locked away in my Repressed Memory Vault, and I was also a victim of gaslighting from someone who very much wanted me to believe I was crazy, but also was incredibly adamant I did not receive help (hence partially why I was undiagnosed and unmedicated). My memories aren’t really all that reliable, and the other thing is, I thought the narcolepsy part of it was normal. Or, well, that I was just lazy. I didn’t know what narcolepsy was beyond dramatizations in tv shows. I didn’t see my symptoms as symptoms, and therefore, I didn’t really keep track of them, if that makes sense.

All this to say, I think wishing my life turned out differently isn’t healthy and leads nowhere. I still ruminate on it from time to time, but it’s less from a depressive angle and more because I’m angry as hell that a lot of people failed me in my life during that time period. I should have been diagnosed and medicated, god knows I’ve seen enough therapists and doctors. I should have had a friend that would have helped me get the fuck out of that relationship sooner. I should have had more people supporting me and taking me seriously. But things turned out this way, and I gotta make my peace with that. I might be in a “better” place if things went differently from a certain viewpoint, at least career-wise, but it could be worse in other ways I’d never know. I need to put my energy into making sure the life I’m actually living is the best possible one for me. That’s all that matters.

[runninguplenorahills]

Lenora you’re back!!!!!💕💞💕💞

How have you been?

Heyyyy✨🌞

I’ve been doing pretty great honestly. I got through my finals and I actually did quite well :)). I didn’t take the biology exam though because holy fuck I can’t even do simple math and we were supposed to do crazy equations, no calculators allowed💀. So yeah, didn’t study at all and woke up in a cold sweat like three days before the exam and quickly set myself on inactive because I would’ve definitely fucking flunked it. But English went great, got one of the best grades out of the entire course for my presentation I was sweating buckets over beforehand, linguistics went well as well and the rest was just pass or fail and fortunately I passed but I’m still waiting on a feedback for my pedagogy portfolio. Speaking of waiting, I spent weeks in February working on my art portfolio and applied for art school and I’m waiting for a response to that, too.

I also finally read “The song of Achilles” but it sadly didn’t earn its place next to my favorites, like, it was actually only three stars for me if I’m really honest. Currently I’m reading “Persuasion” (I’m about half way through) and that books actually pretty great but the first like 80 pages are just like, set up lmao. But after that it quickly gets better!!! I haven’t continued reading in a couple of days though which I should absolutely do soon because the new semester starts in two weeks and then idk how much time I’ll have to read. I’m actually taking British and American literature classes in the new semester which I’m pretty excited about!!!!

Oh boy, I also finally watched s5 of Miraculous and the alternate universe Paris special and the movie and bro, s5 was an absolute dumpster fire…. Actually fucking insane. But the Paris special was kinda entertaining lol, and I can’t lie…. the movie was pretty good. Like… it was honestly great hahahah. I also watched Cars btw! I have watched the first part before but never the rest and then my sister wanted to watch Cars so we did and yeah, Cars is amazing ofc. I also finally watched But I’m a Cheerleader which was all over the okays but it was funny and I loved the ending. I’m trying to remember what else I watched but I don’t remember anything else… hmmm… Oh!! Omg, I watched Christopher Robin and I didn’t not except that movie to be as good as it was. I was in genuine tears over fucking everything and yeah, very enjoyable. I also watched The Sixth Sense which was good, did not see the plot twist coming though, Like, spoiler! I literally remember thinking “oh.. so he survived I guess” when it says “next fall” like a fucking idiot 😭. I don’t think I watched any other movies though.

Wait, I also read the entirety of Jackson’s diary on webtoon and it was a fucking roller coaster.

Other than that I’ve been hanging a lot with my friends, especially those who moved to another city for university. There’s this café we always and in the past two weeks we’ve gone three times and you can borough games to play and we usually play scrabble which is always sm fun!

Oh and holy shit, I turned fucking 20!?!?! Absolutely batshit insane, I cannot believe it.

Also, I just kinda left tumblr very like, impulsively because I had finals coming up and thought it’d be distracting, but also, tumblr tends to suck the life out of me sometimes so I thought taking a break would be worth it either way. After finals where over I then had to work on my art portfolio and I have a huge procrastination problem so I stayed off tumblr because I knew it would make it worse and so I just left and didn’t reply to anyone, which, I’m sorry, I missed you and the other mutuals so much but I also don’t think that many people even noticed that I took a break in the first place. Anyway,I’ll probably dip when Uni starts again as well but I thought it’d be nice to catch up with y’all before that happens.

How have you been doing :))💓💗💓💗💓

[achaiapelides]

Kit's Diary

Chapter 14

Dear Ty,

I did not write you for quite some time, but that's not my fault at all... Lies. It's totally my fault. I forgot where I put this book and spend four weeks trying to find it. Guess where it was? Under Mina's bed. Luckily Mina can't read yet, so she obviously didn't read what I wrote in here.

Apart of searching for this book, there was a lot of stuff happening this weeks.

Firstly, I had to write some exams. English and History went pretty well, Geography and Spanish, too. With German, I had some struggles, but I think it was good enough to pass. Math, though, was a different story. We were learning about something called vectors, but damn that stuff was so confusing. Why are we learning this? Do they think that before I fight a demon, I stand there and calculate, where the demon is coming from? No. I just stab. Also, I totally failed this exam. We don't have the grades yet, but I don't quite think I want to know them. Also, I had to do a test in physics. I just guessed because I didn’t understand shit, but I apparently I guessed right becauseI got an A in that test. I'm not complaining.

In addition to the exams, we also had to hand in our assignment paper from the history project. You remember the books I told you about? Yes. This project. We chose the book about Anne Boleyn. Stupidly, I started reading a bit too late and only had three days to do the whole assignment. I don't have to tell you that I was awake the whole last night, right? Yeah, not making that mistake again. We also didn't get any grade for this yet, and I honestly have no idea if I did good or not. But I think I didn't fail completely. It's still history, not maths. Lol.

Secondly, I did this hypnosis thing I told you about. Tessa was willing to cast that spell and I apparently told her and the therapist all the stuff that my mind pushed away to protect me. The thing is: I still don't remember it, only Tessa and the therapist got to know it. Originally I wanted them to tell me what happened, but after Mrs Sullivan informed me, that any details might make me remember those repressed memories, which can damage my mental health even more and I guess we all don't want that. So, I agreed that they only tell me a short summary of the events I forgot, without any major details. Tessa told me then that I apparently survived several attacks coming from faeries as a child and also several people from the Shadow Market that tried to assault me. Every time, I told them, a mysterious blonde woman saved me, but I didn't describe that woman further and had no idea who it was. Tessa suggested that it might have been my mother. She also told me that there were other violent people in my memories, but didn't want to specify who it was, only that it didn't seem to be their intention to hurt me, but to keep me safe. Maybe she ment my father because he definitely wasn't the gentlest person on earth.

Apart of that, I also got my official ADHD diagnosis. The sheets really helped Mrs Sullivan and the expert, who joined her, to diagnose me. Thank you, too, I guess. Now, I legally can have more time for exams, for example. Not that I need it. I'm usually not too slow. And if you can't math, more time ain't gonna help you either. I also talked to that expert about you a bit, and he said, that it's actually very possible that you have autism. See, I wasn't wrong! He also told me, that, if we are on speaking terms again, I should encourage you, to also get a diagnosis, even if it won't help you much among Shadowhunter, as it can also ease you mind because you realise that you're not stupid or weird at all.

Thirdly, my friends and I had a sleepover at Cirenworth. Yes all of them. Leo, Sam, Maria, Henry, Hazel and Louise. Henry never visited me, so we showed him around. According to him, the word  "cottage" does not do Cirenworth justice. "That's not a cottage! That's a fucking castle!" Haha. Then Jem explained to us, that legally, Cirenworth is a little bit too small to be a castle, so you have to refer to it as a cottage. But that can't change my mind. From now on forward I will only refer to Cirenworth as our castle now. Anyways, we began our sleepover and watched a few movies, before Leo had the glorious idea to do a karaoke contest. Sam proved to us, that he bears exactly 0% musical talent, Hazel and Louise decided to start a girl group and Leo obviously won, because she's the only one who actually took singing lessons. I, on the other hand, got smacked by Hazel with a pillow, after I sung "Forever & Always" by Taylor Swift a bit too enthusiastically, which, according to her, was very ironic, considering that I am the one who promised to stay with you and then left. Which is fair. But also, just let me enjoy a song goddammit.

Lastly, Tessa and Jem decided that it would be good for me and Mina to see some more of this world. So, we are going to travel around Europe in the autumn holidays starting tomorrow. First we will go to Paris and then to other cities in Europe. But I don't know which. They said it's a surprise. So I'm really excited. But that's nothing against Mina's excitement. She's jumping around the whole day, screaming "Paris! Paris! Paris!" so loud that the mail man looked quite concerned when he delivered a letter.

I hope you also had a good time in the last weeks. Dru told me you visited Blackthorn Hall again with your siblings. And that you have a pet now that eats curtains. Jem also send Church to visit Emma and he came back looking quite traumatized. Now I really wonder what animal your pet is. For all I know it could be an alligator. Wouldn't expect anything less with you. (Please don't let it be an alligator!)

I'm going to end this entry now, as I have to get up early tomorrow to portal to Paris.

Good night!

Love, Kit.

Author's note:

Um... so I forgot to publish the chapter last week and the week before. Oops. And also today is Sunday, not Monday. But I might forget tomorrow again, so here you go. Early chapter!

[st-kitten]

pt.1, pt.2, pt.3, pt.4

[continued]

she didn't know if she felt anything for kiyoshi, but she was sure falling for his actions. his little gestures that swooped her and whisked her away

"why did you give me this book?" she asked

"because i saw myself in you back when i was studying. but, i got distracted by the training, the parties, the dating, and the works. i wanted to study and get my degree, but i also wanted the fun. i knew i had it in me to focus, but…" kiyoshi was unsure about saying riko's name, but fuck it, he thought. he didn't want to lie. "riko made all the fun seem more enjoyable than the studies. so, i slacked off and eventually fell deeper into the student debt when i couldn't catch up. i had to drop out. then i got the cafe job, which I'm still working. I've been studying with some friends, who are helping me catch up for an entrance exam to get into a nearby university once more. somehow…"

kiyoshi looked directly into y/n's eyes

"watching you study so passionately made me want to try it too… and not gonna lie… studying with my juniors, kagami, kuroko, and of course, imayoshi, who by the way is over the top insane about studying and basically a monster version of you… is fun too. you made me see how fun it can be to truly put your effort into something. so, if i was doing this better, i couldn't leave you worrying over your studies. i'd seen this book in touou university library, when i went there to give imayoshi some things hyuuga couldn't deliver. it seemed older. but, i still wanted to get it for you. There's just… this pleasure… in reading a fucking book… with actual fucking pages. never thought i'd say that, but here we are..." (my thoughts too, bestie)

y/n felt happy for kiyoshi after hearing his story. she never thought she'd have an impact on him

"kiyoshi... that's so kind of you. and i'm happy that you're studying hard. only good things from hereafter, trust me. no better joy than to overstep the word limit of your paper. ace that exam, you motherfucker!" she punched him on the arm

he ruffled her short hair. "nerd."

"right back at you, asshole."

y/n and kiyoshi spent the next few minutes insulting each other and eventually ended up laughing comically

"international terrorist, what, where did that come from?" asked kiyoshi in between laughter

"i don't know! the way you look rn, you'd pull off a mass murderer easily"

"i'm the sweetest guy ever! whom would i kill anyway?"

"your exam, your friends, your teachers, the common public?"

"you think you'd survive?"

"you won't kill me."

"mm you sure?"

"oh yeah."

"how so?"

"aren't i your inspiration to study?"

"well i am studying. not like i need ya now"

"what if you do?"

"what if i don't"

"you'd really kill me off?"

"depends."

"on?"

"what you have to offer?"

"i could be your legal support."

"too complex."

"i could make another speciality for your cafe"

"i already do that"

"i could be your tutor?"

"no thanks, i don't want another imayoshi..." said kiyoshi

"the fuck, teppei, just kill me off now. I give up."

"already? someone i know didn't give up on her work and still continues to strive for it..."

"you and your wordplay. you sure you're not a manipulator or something?"

"a terrorist, a murderer, a manipulator. do you actually like me or were you just attorney-ing your way into my cafe?"

"shut the fuck up, i do like you!"

"what was that? didn't hear you."

"you sly bastard. i said i do like you."

"mmm must be hyuuga snoring, could you repeat that?" kiyoshi leaned closer to her, lending his ear trying to hear clearer

y/n leaned forward and yelled in his ear "i fucking like you, asshole!" 

kiyoshi flinched a little, laughing at her messy state

"ahh, i see. got it. you love me,"

y/n hit his arm once more, laughing

"you don't love me? bitch pick a side!"

"stop playing mind games, kiyoshi!!!" she whined like a child

"nah"

"wym nah" she asked

"nah. i won't stop."

"fuck you then"

"right now? here? i don't even have a condom."

"kiyoshi fucking teppei. what is wrong with you?" she asked, chuckling

"more like what's wrong with you? you say you love, wanna fuck me, and then you call me out like that? girl, you mean"

"bring back kind kiyoshi. please" she begged.

"mean kiyoshi is sexier tho"

"no he isn't."

"he is"

"isn't"

"is"

"not"

"is"

"I'm not playing this."

"so i win?"

"no."

"so you lose"

"i- wow you'd make a troublesome lawyer"

"advocate kiyoshi... has a nice ring to it."

"sure does"

"tell me, ms l/n, what do you have to say for your crime?"

"bitch what crime?" she asked, throwing a pillow at him

"my my, you've gone deaf now? you defamed me, kiyoshi teppei, your guardian angel, who helped you generously and got you through a tough spot. yet you defamed him."

"fuck i did not!" y/n couldn't hold back her laughter.

"and now you lie! this is perjury! the court demands you answer the truth and nothing but the truth."

"geez, fine." y/n raised her hands. "ask away, punk"

"Mm... Did you think about him after you both kissed?" he suddenly asked. y/n looked at him. he looked solemn, meaning he wasn't joking around.

"kiyoshi..."

"answer the question"

"i- kiy..."

"truth and nothing but the truth"

y/n took a deep breath. "yes"

"yes what?"

"yes, i thought about him after we kissed"

"and is there something you'd like to tell him about it?" he asked. he had no idea where this unflinching confidence was coming

y/n wanted to lie and say that it didn't mean anything. that it was just an accident. and even if it was so back then, she couldn't lie to herself that she'd liked it better than her kisses with hanamiya. hell, sometimes she'd imagined kiyoshi instead of hanamiya whenever they made out

"tell him... that the kiss didn't mean much..."

kiyoshi gulped.

"... but it might if it happened again..."

kiyoshi had never reacted this fast in his entire life when he grabbed y/n's face and kissed her roughly. y/n jolted a little from the impact, but kissed him back, holding his shoulders. kiyoshi pulled her closer and she sat on his lap, snaking her hands around his neck, aligning her lips with his, deepening the kiss. this was a moment she didn't know she wanted until it happened. kiyoshi half-moaned into her mouth, holding her waist with his vice claw, practically embedding her onto his lap. he'd imagined this scene countless times and now that it was unfolding, he wasn't going to let it go...

u guys want smut? ( ≖‿ ≖ )

[ashandkatiewrite]

Four Weddings and a Funeral - Chapter 1

FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL

FIC SYNOPSIS: Maggie Hastings meets her dream man after a flight into New York City— Bucky Barnes, a pilot who seems to be everything she’s looking for. Except that she already has a boyfriend who never has time for her. After a near-tryst with her dream pilot, Maggie runs, only to find out he later meets her best friend and they’re now crazy about each other. Among their group of best friends, between Chicago and New York, and four weddings and a funeral, Maggie and Bucky struggle to keep their fiery chemistry a secret so they don’t hurt the ones they love.

WRITTEN BY: @if-you-onlyknew & @katiekinswrites

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/OFC

Tags: Idiots in love, Mutual Pining, Forbidden Love, Angst, Fluff, and Smut, Explicit Language

Rating: M (Mature) & E (Explicit)

READ ON AO3

CHAPTER ONE

November 15th, 2019

Maggie sighed as she walked through the airport, “No, I can’t. I’m sorry.” She apologized — though it wasn’t necessary. “I can’t come in. No— no , I am not even in the state right now, Danny.” She tried to stay patient with her intern as he went off on her for not being in Chicago. 

Danny Jones was cocky and rarely listened to his surgical resident as it was, but for him to call Maggie up and yell at her for being gone was not something she was going to put up with. People pleaser or not; Maggie Hastings was not going to allow the little shit to speak to her that way. She was his superior.

“Well, I apologize that my vacation fell on such an inconvenient time for you, Danny. But I have been preparing for your intern’s exam for three months now since I knew my time off would fall on the same weekend as the exam. It is not my fault you chose to not attend my stupid, useless, and pointless ,” she quoted him, “study group sessions.” 

Maggie was still trying to remain professional, but she was starting to lose her patience with Danny by the time she got to the airport bar closest to her gate. 

It wasn’t until Danny called Maggie selfish that she finally dropped any shred of professional demeanor. 

“Oh, get fucked, Danny!” She shouted as she sat down at the bar. “It is not my job to hand hold you during the actual exam! I did everything I could to try and prepare you for this and you pushed back each time claiming to know better than I did. It’s time to get your silver spoon out of your fucking mouth and do the goddamn work because your mommy might have been able to secure your spot as a surgical intern, but if you don’t pass this exam, there is no amount of money she could pay to bribe your way through a residency program!” Maggie didn’t bother holding back. 

This wasn’t a case of tough love — more of a reality check and Maggie was sure she’d feel guilty about saying all of this later, but she had a shitty flight that had ended up being delayed to begin with and had sat in the O’Hara airport for over six hours waiting for a flight into JFK and now she had to sit and kill time for an hour until her boyfriend got back into the city from the Hamptons and could pick her up and take her back to his apartment.

“Now, I am going to say this once so you better fucking listen,” Maggie said in a threatening tone. “Do NOT call me again, Danny. I am on my fucking vacation !” She yelled before ending the call and let her upper half fall against the bar, resting her head on the smooth granite surface. “A Tequila Sour, please. And keep them coming,” Maggie said to the bartender, not even bothering to lift her head to look at the woman as she spoke. 

There was a quiet chuckling coming from the seat two over from Maggie. “Think that guy is gonna survive his neutering? He sounds like a prick.”

Maggie raised her brows in response to the man, her face instantly flushing in not only embarrassment for making a scene, but also because the man was incredibly handsome. She muttered the word fuck under her breath and looked away, mortified by her reaction to the good-looking man and her outburst.

The man who sat there was grinning as he shook his head and lifted a finger towards the bartender to indicate that he’d take another beer.

“You gonna be okay?” he asked as he tilted his head to look at her in amusement.

Maggie winced slightly at his question and was thankful that the bartender handed her the drink she ordered. She took a big swig of her drink, consuming half of it before she went on to answer him. 

“Ask me again in about ten minutes once this kicks in.” She tapped her now half drunk glass of tequila sour. 

He chuckled before looking away as the bartender set down a beer for him. 

She stared at him for a moment, taking in the way he was dressed and his lack of luggage. 

“You’re a pilot,” Maggie commented, not asking as a question, but stating it as a fact. It was an assumption, of course. Maggie didn’t know if this man was a pilot, but from the way he dressed, that’s the conclusion she had come to. “Can I ask you a question about turbulence?”  

He turned on the barstool and faced her, giving her his full attention. “Shoot.”

“Can turbulence break up a plane? Because I’m constantly flying out of O’Hare and I have yet to be on a flight without any turbulence.” She told him, “and I was wondering if it’s only a matter of time before I end up on a flight with such bad turbulence that the plane rips apart.”

“They don’t call it the Windy City for nothing,” he told her.

Her drink was hitting her harder and faster than she thought it would — but she also had yet to eat and took a Xanax before take off at O’Hare, which meant Maggie was a lot more chatty than she normally would be with a stranger. 

It also helped that he had a deep voice that sounded like what silk sheets on her naked body felt like and a face that mirrored a young Luke Skywalker. 

So, Maggie continued on rambling. “I mean, there’s got to be some sort of statistic out there that tells you how many turbulent flights one can have before it hurdles to the ground and you die.” 

Someone huffed loudly from behind Maggie and when she looked back, an older woman was glaring in her direction while grabbing her luggage. Maggie winced apologetically as the woman stormed off. 

Perhaps talking about plane crashes in an airport bar was not the smartest of choices. 

“Sorry,” Maggie said in a mumble under her breath as she moved back so her body was facing the man. 

He was smiling patiently at her, however, despite the rudeness of the woman that stomped past. 

“Well,” he drawled as he reached for his drink, “I guess that’s why some pilots prefer to live a life with no regrets.” His eyebrow danced a little. “It’s exhilarating, especially in a smaller plane where you can feel everything. But maybe I just like the thrill. But flying is not for everyone.” He took a drink from his glass.

Maggie didn’t dislike flying per se, she would just prefer it if her flights were a bit smoother. But like the man had said; Chicago hadn’t earned its infamous nickname — the Windy City — simply for shits and giggles. Though, the way he said it wasn’t quite as vulgar.

She sighed, realizing that she’d likely never have a smooth flight coming out of O’Hare. At least she would only be living in Chicago for one more year.

Clearly, she was not relieved at his statement, so he nudged her hand, his fingers brushing against hers which were wrapped around her drink. “If it makes you feel any better, the statistics do say you’re far less likely to die in a plane crash than a car crash.”

Maggie huffed out a laugh. “Thanks, I’ll be sure to remember that on the car ride home from here,” she said back in a sarcastic yet playful tone. 

He tried again. “Look, are you more afraid of dying of boredom on a twelve and a half hour drive with rush hour traffic — or say, being stuck for hours due to a semi-truck breaking down and blocking an entire interstate… or would you rather deal with a few minutes of turbulence flying out of O’Hare and get here in just two and a half hours?” 

“Well…when you put it like that .” Maggie grinned as her cheeks flushed once again in embarrassment. “And there is a bathroom on the plane — as terrifying as they are to use.” She added the last part in a rush. 

“What?” He asked with a laugh. The corners of his eyes crinkled. 

“You can’t use the bathroom while driving…” Her cheeks flushed even more at the realization that she was talking about peeing in front of the very handsome pilot she had just met. “Not that I do that!” 

His brows shot up. 

Wait ? Did she just tell him she didn’t go to the bathroom? Jesus Christ. She was a rambling mess — especially when she drank. 

“I mean — I use the bathroom!” She attempted to correct herself only to make things so worse. “Everyone does! There’s even that book; Everybody Po …” her words trailed off and her eyes went wide. Maggie quickly looked away and focused on her drink.  “I’m going to shut up now.” She tried to hide her bright red face. 

He laughed and partially shifted on his seat so that his shoe was propped on the bottom rung of the seat between them. “It’s okay,” he told her. “I’ve read it. It’s a good read.” The grin on his face hadn’t dissipated in the least and he set his teeth in his bottom lip as he watched to see if she’d look his way again. “My nephew has that book,” he explained after her questioning look.

Maggie closed her eyes while shaking her head in embarrassment and gave the man a thumbs up in response, keeping her mouth shut to avoid saying anything else humiliating.

“Do you want another one?” He nodded at her empty glass. His was still mostly full. “My treat.” 

She looked back over to him with a shy smile. “If I accept, I would be running the risk of saying something stupid and embarrassing,” Maggie said with a chuckle. “But then again, I guess if I have enough of these, I might not care about the dumb shit that comes out of my mouth,” she added.

He laughed again, truly enjoying her candor. 

Maggie looked over at the man again, taking in his beautiful blue eyes that she knew she could easily get lost in. 

God, he was so fucking hot. It was ridiculous!

“Fuck it,” she shrugged before addressing the bartender. “I’ll have another Tequila Sour,” Maggie said before looking back to the man with a warm smile. 

“That’s the spirit,” he told her with a wink.

“You can put it on the Captain’s tab.” She smirked before finally introducing herself. “I’m Maggie, by the way.”

The bartender looked between the two of them with a raised eyebrow but when the man only lifted a shoulder in a slight shrug, she got to work on the Tequila Sour as requested.

“I’m Bucky,” he said and reached over the stool between them and shook her hand. 

Maggie looked down at their hands, feeling like her body had now begun to buzz with energy as he held her hand. 

When Maggie’s eyes moved back up to look at him, she smiled as she let go of his hand. “Hi, Bucky.” 

“Hi, Maggie,” he grinned.

Her cheeks flushed again, only this time it wasn’t out of embarrassment.

No, this was caused from something else entirely — it was from her being genuinely, and intensely attracted to the pilot . 

Billy. Maggie tried to remind herself. You have a boyfriend .

But there was no harm in flirting with Bucky though… right?

[not-poignant]

YES!!! Give me feral Gary!!! Give me a Gary that fucks that poor boy up!!!!

God, I can already tell the sex is gonna be good when it eventually happens. I just love dubcon when it's with characters that actually care for each other or have the potential to care for each other. And also idk if it's just me but omegaverse dubcon where it's for the omega's own good is kind of hot.

Like, I've read fics that are nothing but rape and abuse and like ZERO care whatsoever, and it really just isn't for me. That's why I love your writing so much because I can always count on there being an element of care / comfort amongst the hurt and angst.

Like, I've read fics that are nothing but rape and abuse and like ZERO care whatsoever

*nervously stares at my bookmarks* *nervously stares back at you* *quietly puts all the beginning chapters of Game Theory under the rug where Gwyn was just raping Augus and walking away with zero care for him so you don't see them* *quietly puts Survival Mode in a safe where you can't see it*

(I mean to be fair Gwyn did eventually care. But no one knew that would happen when Game Theory started, including me, because it was meant to be a tragic story with a tragic ending and the rape was very much a part of that).

Also idk if the sex is going to be good! I don't know if they'll be having sex with Efnisien 'for his own good!' Maybe Efnisien demands it and it's terrible! Maybe Gary does it and it's terrible for Efnisien's health!

This story is doing some omegaverse tropes but it's subverting a hell of a lot of others, and I can't tell you which ones I'm keeping and which ones I'll jettison until I actually start writing it. (I had to keep 'scents being things that aren't human sweat' though because that just tickles me. It's like all these alphas and omegas are walking around with perma-colognes).

Like, I cannot tell you how much I do not know what Gary and Efnisien having sex is going to look like. I know that Gary likes manhandling people and I know he likes a couple of other things, and beyond that, welp, that doesn't tell me much at all!

And also idk if it's just me but omegaverse dubcon where it's for the omega's own good is kind of hot.

Tbh I don't actually love this, which is why I went out of my way to avoid writing it in both Blackwood and The Gentle Wolf.

That doesn't mean it won't happen, or that I won't end up writing it, and I certainly have bookmarks with it, but it's not actually a preferred trope of mine to write.

I agree that it can be hot in some circumstances! But I actually don't like... 'it's for your own good' fics in some cases and omegaverse has gotten really close on that line to the point where it's been squicky. I prefer outright rape that is not for an omega's own good or something more consensual, but the middle ground is actually an uncomfortable place for me. Enough that in my first and only two shifter novels, I didn't write that even though I literally set up the greatest opportunity to write it in book 1. (I actually think people expecting that, and not getting it, is one reason why so many omegaverse lovers do not love that book. There is no 'rape but you'll like it eventually and it will even be good for you.' I made a point of it.)

I'm very sorry anon! I just don't know what's coming. It might be something you're looking forward to, but it sounds like there's as much of a chance that it might be something you're not looking forward to as well! I wish I could tell you for sure, one way or another, but when it comes to actual sex, I'm not sure exactly where they're headed.

I know Gary is going out of his way to avoid it right now, but he's got James and his past to think about, and to him it still feels too much like cheating. At any rate, Gary does not want to be a rapist or feel like a rapist, and the medical exam was plenty for him. So while he has no problems manhandling Efnisien into being touched or hugged, I think right now he would draw the line at 'my penis is so magical it will solve your heat.'

[poolpartymusic]

different week, same struggles

All of October I've had trouble falling asleep, woke up way too many times but above all: my mind has been too god damn busy. So busy that I've had at least 10 sleepless nights in a month. I've taken a strong sleep medicine for two nights, and now two nights without it's been going swell.

It was really scary. At one point I really thought I had tinnitus (which I still might have, but the noise had just become soooo loud because of all the stress I had). I also got (and still am) pretty emotional and sensitive. All my life I've practically praised myself for being such a good sleeper, and it was really scary to realize I might've fucked that up.

I'm okay now, but that's been a main thing. I've really limited the alcohol, coffee and substances intake and that has been interesting as well. Turns out I do actually crave a beer every now and then, so it isn't as yuck as I thought, and it also turns out to be way more difficult to say no to a beer in social circumstances.

Most importantly, I spoke with a friend who has suffered from even heavier sleeping problems. He had a serious underlying mental issue going on and encouraged me to think about what has changed in my life these past months. The only thing I could possibly think of, was the saying-goodbye to my friend group. And though at the beginning of our conversation I really didn't feel like it was a thing that bothered me, he helped me realize I've been stuffing away all the negative feelings surrounding it. Because of summer it was so easy to just enjoy the heat and the people I did have around me, even when those were mostly friends from my boyfriend. But as fall fell, the loneliness hit me a lot more. And it made me realize once again that I don't really feel like I don't have a solid friend group. And that I haven't mourned the hope I had for my friend group. That I don't mind not seeing some of them anymore, but that for so many years I desperately wished for it and for them to be different.

It was nice to talk about with that friend and later my boyfriend. I see things I didn't see before and in ways it's already a little bit healing.

Some less deep things:

A couple of things have changed since the last time I wrote. I got an internship at two places, one graphic printing workshop and one at a big national newspaper company. Both really cool, one more scary than the other. But I'm proud of myself and I'm excited to learn.

My minor's been alright. I feel cool being the top of the class student (for both the group project and the exam). One teacher was really really excited about my ideas revolving innovations in art and really encouraged us to pick my problem to solve in the upcoming weeks. Because it's quite a man-heavy study and work field, I already feel very conscious being a woman. It feels, although it's not something that's literally been said or pointed out, that they don't expect women to do as well. And aside from that, it definitely feels as though they don't expect an art student to do well and be capable. So that feels nice and good and I should try and stay somewhat humble and grounded.

I was writing all this when my boyfriend asked me for help on his internship e-mails. After that I received a text from a housemate telling us there's a leakage in our fuse box. Really woke me up and scared me. I'm alright now, but it was really scary for a while. I went home and packed a little 'flight back' and I'll be sleeping at Michaels. So I will survive, but the thought of everything burning was so scary.

[emperor-palpaminty]

Hey, I'm in the mood for some Tech fluff! Would you mind writing a y/n fic where reader and Tech are captured and have to escape. One is wounded on the way out and the other panics! Thank you, your work is AMAZING!

Oh this request delights me! I just finished one major exam, so this will be AWESOME. I'm gonna make this one a little fluffy and fun and silly because we all need some optimism! GN reader and Tech finna break out!

(no reason in particular for this gif I just watched Oceans 11 and I love it)

“This is all your fault.”

“By all calculations, it is actually all your fault, my dear.” Tech snorted from the other side of the cell. Granted, that was only about four feet, but it was far enough for you. You scowled at him and stared at the door, hard. 

Your foot tapped on the wall, the soft leather of your workboot boot sounding dull thuds. “What calculations?”

“The ones I have. In my head.” Tech tapped his fingers as he counted. “The probability of my capture rates plus that of yours, my survival training, the amount of training I assume you have had as a mechanic-”

“Which is none.”

“- Which is none, and the odds of us being outnumbered. And now we are on a Separatist warship and must somehow escape.” Tech paused, thinking through any other mind muddle, and then dropped his hand. “Nonetheless, we are here now. And we may as well work through it.” His knuckles rapped on the metal hull of the floor in the most annoying possible rhythm. 

You groaned and rapped your head back on the wall. “For the love of the Gods please stop.”

“The Gods are dead.”

“You killed them with your voice and general... annoying-ness.” You sighed and stood, reaching down to help him up after brushing your hand off on your work coverall. “Come on. Let’s see if we can hatch a plan to get out of this dungeon. The last time I was in a situation this uncomfortable, I would up in a rancor nest and I was pissed on. Too much.”

Tech blinked. “By the rancor?”

“No comment.” You stared at the ceiling, squinting. “Say, Tech. How tall are you?” Your arms crossed as your eyes picked out each ceiling corner, all the blueprints you had studied slowly rolling out in your head. “Five foot, four foot?”

“... I am six-foot, four inches.”

You nodded. “Right. Six and a half feet.”

Tech’s frown was annunciated, the lines on his . “Six four.”

“Eh.” You wagged a hand and pointed above at the vent. “Close enough. Our heights combined should be enough for me to get up into the vent.” You ignored Tech’s massive sigh, but even so, he squatted down and patted his shoulders. Without missing a beat, you strode over and stepped up, boots landing solidly on his sturdy shoulder plates. You rose, easily, standing straight as Tech slowly straightened his back. You had stood on many a wobbly ladder, droid, or ship, and you had journeyed into many small spaces. 

You got this.

___

You didn’t got this. You didn’t, in fact, got anything at all. Tech inched along behind you, huffing at the effort. “Can you move any faster?”

“Well, we aren’t all genetically modified.” You grimaced and tugged yourself around the corner, your coveralls shockingly slick on the cool metal of the vent pathway as you made your way through.

Tech scoffed somewhere in the dust behind you, but it was lost among a jarring pang of the metal. Your body froze, and you inhaled until the vent went quiet.

Tech broke the quiet. "Did you hear that?"

"No."

"It was a loud- oh, you were being sarcas-"

The vent gave way, crashing down. Your world collapsed as you rammed into the floor, somehow colder than the vent you were just in. Tech landed somewhere next to you with a grunt.

Your brain whirled, smacking against your skull as you sat up. You blinked, eyes bleary at the battle droids that were standing before you. You were pretty sure that if they could have changed expressions, they would have been gaping at you and the soldier.

"Aw, kark." You groaned and stood.

"Hey! You're not supposed to be out of your cell!" One of the battle droids' voices spurted to life. "Why are you out?"

"Look. We just wanted a stroll." Tech said, calmly, moving forward next to you. Even so, his knees bent, ready to pounce.

The battle droid's hand scratched the yellow insignia on its head. "Oh. Uh... That's fine, I guess."

"Sir." The droid next to him warned. "I don't think they're supposed to be out. They're prisoners-"

Tech lept forward, grasping the commander droid and yanking it back. He forced the gun in the robotic hand at the droids, shooting rapidly. You dove down behind Tech, glancing around for a weapon. Your fingers wrapped around a droid arm and you quickly separated the forearm from the joint, standing once the firing had stopped. Tech grabbed the commander Droid's gun and reached for a second one. "Grab a gun."

"I, uh..." You tucked the droid arm into your belt. "I can't shoot."

"No time like the present to learn." Tech tossed a gun towards you. You grabbed it, yanking it close. It was bulky and awkward in your hands, and you turned it over. The cogs in your brain spun, analyzing it.

You tucked the blaster next to the droid hand in your belt. "Mmkay. Just point and shoot?"

"Well, I thought it was at least that obvious."

You frowned at him as he jogged the other way, but ran to keep up with him. "Tech!" You yelled. "Slow-"

He stopped and turned, his hand landing over your mouth. "Don't yell. Don't be loud. The droids are stupid, but they still have auditory receptors. Understood? Good." He dropped his hand and grasped your free fingers, racing down the hall. "If we can make it to the escape pods or podracers, we can get away and make contact with the Republic." Tech turned a corner. "According to my calculations, the escape pods should be-"

The both of you skidded to a halt. You grabbed Tech’s arm again as the droids stared blankly at you both, before raising their blasters. 

"Hey!" The droid at the ground pointed. "You're the prisoners!"

"How do you know that?" You moved behind Tech. "We could be... Other droids. Maybe this is all a dream."

"Battle droids don't dream!"

"Easy for you to say. I have dreams." The droid next to the first one muttered.

"Shut up and fire!"

Tech ran, still grabbing your arm as you moved, firing at random at the droids, body taking over. "This blaster isn't as bad as I thought." You yelled as Tech pulled you behind the wall nearby. He moved around you, shooting at the oncoming crowd of metal soldiers.

"It gets better as you shoot it. I'm surprised you adapted so quickly." Tech pulled back around, ducking from plasma fire.

The droid chitter continued. "I told you I wanted to be a pianist! But no, you never listen-"

"We are currently in the middle of executing orders!"

"You've executed my dreams!"

Tech tugged you further down the hall. “Well, we appear to have two problems.” Tech panted. “First, I have been shot. Secondly, we are lost, somewhere in the back hulls of the ship, and stealth appears to be impossible-”

“You’ve been shot?”

“Yes. Now, don’t interrupt.” Tech stopped and moved into a small alcove, glancing at his arm, the armor scraped with plasma. You gasped, drawing a hand to your face. What?” He glanced at his arm again and sighed, rotating it. “It’s but a flesh wound.”

“Well, it looks like a deeper than flesh wound!” You snarled, running out again after him. 

Tech threw a singular, “I thought it was obvious!” Over his shoulder as you raced down the hall, after him. 

The weapon was hot in your hands, and you managed to somehow keep pace. This was what camaraderie was about- fighting, again and again, and surviving, and then a drink afterward. The ship blueprint laid itself out in your head, and you slowly took the lead over Tech, and he followed you. 

A mechanic you were, but it was time to survive.

[beels-burger-babe]

The Day Out

GN!MC Summary: MC and Solomon spend the day out enjoying the wonders of the Devildom. The problem with this? They never told the seven Lords of Hell that they’d be gone for the day.  TW: Torture (Not to the MC or the bros tho), Injuries, Murder (Again, just an unimportant Background Character) When the Wise King Solomon asks you out of nowhere if you would like to spend a day exploring the Devildom with him, some hesitancy is to be expected. We’re talking about an ancient wizard who is notoriously sketchy in every way and who seems to always have some kind of personal agenda that he uses for everything.  But the fact in the matter was that you had just survived and grueling two weeks of exams at RAD, and the stress of always being passed around between the demon brothers to partake in their various schemes and problems was really starting to wear on you.  So a day out, relaxing, and finally getting to explore Devildom in its entirety, regardless of the company, actually sounded pretty good.  Solomon had asked you to meet him outside of the House of Lamentation just before dawn. He stood there now, looking as collected and secretive as ever, with a satchel strapped over his shoulder.  “Ready to go and enjoy the company of another human?”  “More than ever! What’s with the bag?”  The wizard shrugged held out his arm to you. “I thought I might collect a few potion ingredients if I happen to spot any. The Devildom is home to a number of special rarities after all, and it would be horrible not to take advantage of my time down here to collect some of them.” That was fair. You took Solomon’s arm and allowed him to pull you close to his side before the two of you took off onto a trail in the woods. 

*** Later that morning  Mammon frowned as he approached his human’s room. You hadn’t been at breakfast, and he hadn’t heard from you all morning. This was weird. More than weird, it was worrying. It seemed like ever since you had arrived in the Devildom, the second born had a hard time getting you to leave his side, and sure it was annoying at first, but he had come to appreciate the warm presence that you exuded and found himself feeling strangely cold without you there.  He knocked on the door. “MC! Ya gonna missed breakfast! Wake up, ya lazy bones. Just because it’s the weekend, doesn't mean ya get to hold up in ya room all day like Levi!” He smirked at his own insult and waited for your inevitable retort.  Instead, he was met with silence.  Mammon’s frown made a quick reappearance. “Oi! Don’t go ignoring the Great Mammon! Beel’s gonna eat you’re share and I don’t wanna hear ya complainin’ that you’re hungry all day. Now wake up!”  Again, silence.  He growled quietly to himself in frustration as a knot of concern began to tighten in his stomach. “MC, open the door and get over here or I’m comin’ myself! This ain’t funny, human!” When he was once again met with no response, the demon cursed under his breath and went to open the door; to his surprise, it was unlocked. He threw the door open and glared inside the room. “That’s it human! Up and at it! I’ll drag ya down to the dining room mysel-” He cut himself off as he noticed the room was empty. “MC?” Mammon looked around, noting your unmade bed and window being propped slightly open. He chuckled worriedly and began to look around a little more frantically. “Ha. Ha. Very funny. What? Ya plannin’ to jump and scare me? Ain’t gonna work, so ya might as well come out now. Seriously, MC. This ain’t funny.” The knot pulled tighter as he realized he was talking to himself. He began to search every nook and cranny of the room, hoping to Diavolo that maybe you were just really dedicated to this prank and was still hiding, but paled as he realized you were nowhere to be found. “Shit!” He cursed aloud and sprinted to the dining room where the rest of the brothers still sat.  “MC is missing!”  *** You gasped and ran ahead of Solomon as the two of you walked through the forest. You crouched down and looked at a patch of glowing blue mushrooms, eyes wide with awe. “It’s so beautiful,” you gasped and glanced over your shoulder. “I can’t believe I’ve been in the Devildom for nearly a year and never came out here.”  Solomon chuckled at your child-like wonder. “The forest can be quite dangerous to those who don’t know what to look out for. For example, those beautiful glowing mushrooms?” he gestured to the fungus in front you, “Those are called the Ardentes Mushrooms. They explode on contact and create a poisonus gas.”  You’re eyes widened as you quickly scrambled back from it. “What?! Why didn’t you tell me that before I got close?”  The wizard shrugged and put a hand on your waist to pull you close to his side, as he handed you a cloth. “Like you said, you’ve been here for nearly a year and haven’t seen much because those demons have gotten quite protective of you. I thought you might enjoy observing and learning about the wilds of the Devildom. Put the cloth over your mouth and nose, and watch.”  You did as instructed. Solomon smirked before putting a cloth mask over his own face. With one hand holding you close to him, a safe distance from the mushrooms, Solomon picked up a long stick and gently poked one of the fungus.  With a small poof it quickly became engulfed in azure flames aned small glowing flecks danced and sparkled in the air around you. You held back a gasp from behind the cloth as you watched in amazement, and Solomon simply stood there holding and watching you.  *** The Seven Avatars of Sin stood in the lounge anxiously. They had searched the entire House of Lamentation inch by inch and there was no sign of the human that had been entrusted under their protection.  Lucifer sighed and leaned against the table. “If they’re not in the manor, we have to consider other possibilities. Has anyone had any luck reaching them?” He looked over at Levi, “Could you potentially trace their D.D.D. if we aren’t able to reach them?”  Levi solemnly shook his head and placed the mentioned device on the table. “Found it in their room,” he ran a hand over his face in frustration. “They know better than to go out without their phone! This isn’t like them!”  “Maybe they didn’t go willingly.” All attention snapped over to Satan, who was looking at the D.D.D thoughtfully with a hand on his chin.  Mammon paled as his hands gripped tightly onto the chair in front of him. “Y-Ya mean ya think someone took them?”  The aura in the room darkened as Satan nodded. “Levi’s right. They know better than to leave without one of us and even if they had to, they would at the very least take their D.D.D. They may be reckless sometimes, but they’ve been more careful about their safety ever since-” he paused and glanced at Belphegore before clearing his throat. “But that’s besides the point. Their window was unlocked and open as well. A demon could’ve very easily gotten in through there and took them while we were all asleep.”  Asmo let out a dramatic gasp and threw himself onto Beelzebub’s arm. “Oh the poor dear! They must’ve been so frightened being taken advantage of like that!” Beel looked down at Asmodeus both disturbed by his brother’s antics, but also distraught by his words.  Belphie rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. “But there wasn’t any signs of foul play in the room. No signs of struggle.”  Satan hummed in thought. “MC is a human with no particular means of defense. They’re weak enough awake,” a spark of wrath flared behind Satan’s eyes as he clenched his jaw. “I imagine that asleep, they wouldn’t even have the chance to become fully conscious before a demon, even a lesser demon, could knock them out.”  Lucifer growled lowly. “We’ll find whoever did this, get MC back, and make the perpetrators responsible for this regret their very existence.”  In that moment, the brothers had never appeared more frightening or demonic, as the room filled with eyes glowing with the promise of death, snarls of anger at the knowledge that someone dared to touch what belonged to them. In that moment, they truly were the Lords of the Devildom. Satan grinned a wide, murderous grin, “It seems, for once, we agree, Big Brother.”  *** You peacefully continued to gather the flowers and mushrooms that Solomon had pointed out to you and verified were “safe for human contact” as the mid day sun beamed lazily through the tree branches of the forest.  You quietly hummed to yourself and glanced occasionally over at Solomon who was collecting some of the more dangerous samples to observe later on.  You smiled at the wizard. It wasn’t often you got to see him so relaxed. It seemed like every time you saw him, he was prepared for at least ten different scenarios and was weaving the strings of manipulation before his victim could even blink.  But out here, where there were no prying eyes and no other tasks to follow, Solomon looked open and the most human that you’ve ever seen him.  “You really like it out here, huh?”  He glanced back at you with a raised eyebrow, and made quick work of putting his current sample into a storage bottle. “And how did you come to that conclusion?”  You rolled your eyes and went back to picking mushrooms as you spoke. “I just mean that you seem so calm and...loose out here. Like you’ve finally dropped that act that you always put on and are finally allowed to be yourself.”  Solomon was silent as he looked at you with a strange glint in his eyes. As after a moment or two, he smirked and chuckled softly as he looked away. “For a human with no magical talents, I have to applaud your skills of observation. I think I can understand how it was you, and only you, that was able to see through the brothers as you have.”  You shrugged and attempted to hide the blush dusting over your cheeks. “It’s nothing. I just want to-”  You cut yourself off as a low growl fills the air not far from you. You slowly look up to see what appears to be a mix of a bear, a rat, and a skeleton, standing only a few meters from you. It’s beady red eyes were glaring directly at you. Your breath caught in your throat as you froze, “S-Solomon?”  “MC, listen very carefully. What’s in front of you is an Iacis Rat. They are extremely hostile, and considering their hibernation period has just ended, I imagine they are very hungry. I need you to back up very slowly and carefully. Avert your eyes, and hunch low to seem unthreatening. Keep it in your peripheral vision,” his voice was low and calm but firm with a sense of urgency. You took a shaky breath and slowly began to do as Solomon instructed. You got five steps in before you heard something snap beneath your foot.  The giant rat let out a horrendous roar that you could feel vibrate in your bones as it suddenly swiped at you. Your cry of pain pierced the air as it sliced open your arm and threw you back several feet. Another snap; only this time it was the fragile bones in your other arm breaking, not a stick.  You could hear Solomon shouting a series of spells, before he quickly scooped you up and began to run. You whimpered as he picked you up and jostled your arm. “We’ll get that taken care of in a minute MC, for now, we need to run.” You glance over his shoulder and see the rat surrounded by a series of warding walls and swatting at a few crackling balls of arcane energy that prodded at it and flew around its head.  The two of you managed to get away. You found yourself sitting on near a cliff, panting heavily as you looked out on a view of all the Devildom, with the sun just beginning to set. It would’ve been beautiful if you weren’t bleeding and in pain.  Solomon crouched beside you and inspected the gash on your arm and your broken bones the moment he had deemed that you were both safe once more. After a few silent moments of observation, he had set up a small fire and began to brew some kind of potion. You watched closely as he worked, and within an few, agony filled minutes the wizard was holding out a small cup to you.  “I am so sorry you got injured. In all honesty, I had forgotten about the Icais Rats post-hibernation season, and foolishly believed that we would be safe today,” He sighed and shook his head. “Regardless, this potion should heal all the injuries on your person. Though I should warn you, this will hurt...quite a lot actually. You can hold my hand during the process if you’d like.”  You took a shaky breath and took his hand into yours. The wizard smiled softly at you and pressed a kiss to your fingers before handing you the potion. “Whenever you’re ready.”  You eyed the red liquid in the cup before bringing it to your lips. Before you could change your mind you quickly downed the potion and squeezed tightly onto Solomon’s hand.  You tensed waiting for the pain to kick in... but nothing happened.  You frowned and looked over at Solomon. “I don’t feel any worse than I did before. Are you sure this thing-”  You were cut off as a fiery hot pain suddenly shot down both your arms and your head began to throb. Your loud piercing scream could be heard all throughout the forest as the pain began to overwhelm you.  Solomon pulled you into his lap, and held you tightly with one hand as the other ran his fingers through your hair. “I know,” he whispered softly through your screams. “It’ll be over soon. Just a couple minutes. You can do this MC. It’ll be alright.”  You sobbed as waves of pain hit you over and over again, until a sudden cool, sweet, numbness began to trickle over you. A gasp escaped from you as you stilled in Solomon’s arms.  The wizard chuckled, “Growing back your bones isn’t very fun. I’m sorry you had to go through that. You should be feeling better now.”  You looked down at your arms, and sure enough, the gash on your arm was gone with no sign of it having ever existed and the bones in your other arm had mended. You sniffed and wiped away the tears that had begun to appear in your eyes and looked over to Solomon. “Can you take me back to the House now? I think I’d like to take a nap.”  He smiled sadly at you. “Of course.”  *** A loud agonized scream rang off the walls of the House of Lamentation, causing Belphegore and Satan to grin. Their victim hung by their hands, chained to a wall while they slowly carved into its flesh.  “You know neither of us are exactly known for a patience...” Belphie drawled as he slowly brought a claw down across the lower demon’s chest. “So this is your last chance; Tell us where MC is.” The demon sobbed openly as it shook it’s head. “I’m telling you! I don’t know where they are! I swear! Please, let me go! Please, I don’t know anything!”  Satan tsked as he polished a knife and approached the demon. “Really? Because I know for a fact that you have been following them around and watching them at RAD lately,” he points the knife against the demon’s throat. “You wanted them, didn’t you? You were figuring out their routine so that you could take them for yourself. Admit it!”  The poor demon sobbed even louder as it’s body trembled. “No! I admit, I-I was following them around! But not because I wanted to- to- kidnap them or anything! I swear! I-” the demon’s face turned red, “I find them attractive and I-I was trying to work up the nerve to talk to them! That’s all!” It made eye contact with Satan, it’s expression pained and desperate. “Surely you guys understand that! I-I mean all of you brothers like them, right? That’s why you’re always following them-”  The demon didn’t get a chance to finish before Belphegore growled and snapped the demon’s neck. Satan rose an eyebrow at his younger brother, causing Belphie to shrug in response. “He didn’t have anything we needed, and was just babbling. It was annoying.”  Satan rolled his eyes and looked back at Lucifer, who stood in the back of the room, going over stacks of papers, maps, and occasionally checking his D.D.D. “Another dead end.”  The eldest brother scowled and crossed something out on a piece of paper. “Right. That’s it for possibilities at RAD then. We should start with the list of possible suspects from The Fall and the people Mammon’s indebted to then. They’ll be harder to get a hold of, but some of them would definitely have a strong motive.” Just as he finished, the House doors swung open and Mammon and Levi came marching in with the angels in tow. “We got them,” Mammon stated the obvious as he unnecessarily pushed the two in front of him. “They’d just gotten back from RAD. We haven’t told them anything yet.”  Simeon gasped at the sight of the tortured demon still hanging dead on the wall in front of them, and quickly drew Luke against him, hiding the younger angel from the sight. He glared over at Lucifer. “What is the meaning of all of this?”  Lucifer ignored the question and frowned when he noticed there was only two out of the three exchange students. “Where’s Solomon?”  “Chihuahua says that he’s been gone all day gathering ingredients for some potion. Based off of the stuff missing from his room, and the feed from the security cameras, it checks out,” Levi explained.  “Luke is not a chihuahua!” Simeon loudly defended, surprising all the demons in the room, as the little angel hugged himself closer to Simeon. The elder celestial scowled at everyone. “Now will someone please explain to us exactly what is going on and why you all are acting like a bunch of mindless, feral, demons, when we all know you are more intelligent and civilized than that!” Lucifer gave him a flat look as he crossed his arms over his chest. He opened his mouth to speak, but was cut of by a hiss of pain as a sharp, agonizing, burn suddenly swiped over his upper right arm. Not too long after, an even stronger twinge filled his entire left arm. A quick look around the room told him that his brothers were feeling the same thing; meaning this could only be one thing: MC was hurt.  Mammon snarled as he grabbed the front of Simeon’s robes. “Look, we ain’t got time to mess around. MC’s been taken, and is currently being hurt. That’s all ya need to know. What we need to know is if you got any ideas in that feathery, “holier-than-thou”, brain of yours who might’a took them or where they are! If ya can’t help us, than ya useless, and you can just get the hell outta our way while we actually do something about it!”  Simeon’s eyes widened as he felt Luke stiffen against him. The elder angel glanced over Mammon to Lucifer, “MC is missing? For how long?”  The second-born growled and harshly shoved the angel away from him. “Did ya not hear anything I just said?! We ain’t got time for stupid questions! Now do ya know where they are or not?!” The angel opened his mouth to speak, when Lucifer’s ring tone suddenly cut him off. The demon quickly snatched it up and put the call on speaker. “Asmo, report. Any sign?”  “Beel and I didn’t have any luck downtown, so we were headed back to House. We were passing the woods, when Beel... Beel thinks he’s picked up the scent of MC’s blood. We’re following it now.” Simeon shivered as he felt the demonic power in the room quadruple in strength and could practically feel it’s energy crackling in the air around them. Mammon’s face paled, as the second-born cursed and rushed towards the door. Satan, Leviathan, and Belphegore weren’t far behind him; all four brothers were already shifted into their demon forms. Lucifer’s expression became absolutely murderous as he swung his cloak over his shoulders and moved past the angels to follow his brothers. “Keep track of the scent, and describe to me where you are. We’re all coming to-”  Suddenly, all the brothers cried out in shock and pain, some of the younger ones even stumbling from it, as their bodies felt as though they had been filled with white-hot needles. Even more painful, however, was the distant, familiar, scream that could be heard on the other side of the phone call.  “Th-that’s MC,” Beel grunted out through the pain. As suddenly as it came, the pain vanished as was replaced with a chilling, numbness that filled the demon’s with dread as the screams also ended.  Levi froze and looked around at his brothers. “D-Does that mean...Are they?”  Satan swallowed thickly and shook his head, but there was a hint of uncertainty and fear in his eyes. “No. If they were dead, we’d feel the pacts break. We’d know. R-Right, Lucifer?”  The first born merely scowled and charged forward, leading the group towards the woods. “Let’s go find Beel and Asmo. We’re getting our human back now.”  *** Solomon kept an arm wrapped around you as the two of you slowly made yourr way back down the trail to get home. He watched you carefully, keeping an eye out for any unexpected side-effects of the potion. “You’re sure you’re alright then?”  You smiled weakly at him and nodded. “Yeah. Only side effect I’ve noticed is it’s made me quite tired. Other than that, I’m all better now, thanks to you.” You looked out at the trail ahead of you, “I’m sorry our day had to end on such a bad note.”  The wizard waved a hand in dismissal. “Non-sense. It wasn’t something neither of us could control. Though perhaps I should’ve been more cautious before taking you out here,” he chuckled in thought. “Imagine what the brothers would say if I returned you beaten and broken from a giant rat attack.”  You laughed and shook your head. “I doubt Lucifer would let me leave the House again! If I got hurt, it would be damaging to the program after all.”  Solomon frowned at your words. “Do you truly think that is the only reason why he, or any of the others for that matter, would care if you get injured?”  You shrugged and notably avoided the wizard’s gaze. “What other reason would they have for caring for me? Their the Demon Lords of the Devildom. I’m just MC. A defenseless human with no magical powers and nothing that makes them special.” Solomon stopped walking and grabbed you by the shoulders. He looked down at you with his stern silver eyes as though he was attempting to see straight into your soul. “You are MC. A descendent of the Angel Lilith, Master of all seven of the Avatars of Sin, and one of the kindest most observant individuals I have ever had the great fortune of knowing. You are not just some defenseless human, MC. You are special; and I know the brothers see that too.”  You’re heart fluttered in your chest at his words, as a light warmth filled your chest. You opened your mouth to respond, when suddenly the calm forest air was filled with the sound of the Icais Rat’s roar and several battle cries. The two of you frowned and glanced at each other before cautiously making your way towards the commotion.  There, in the middle of the same field you had been attacked in earlier, was all seven of the demon brothers, decked out in their demon forms, as they viciously brutalized the wild beast, that looked as though it had been killed within the first hit.  Your eyes widened at the sight as you took several panicked steps closer to them. “Woah! Guys! Stop! What are you doing?!”   You flinched back as you were suddenly being looked at by seven sets of manic eyes gleaming with danger. Solomon came up behind you and placed a hand on your shoulder, he began to quietly whisper the beginning of a protection incantation. You gulped and held up your hands defensively. “Easy boys. It’s just me. It’s MC.”  Asmodeus was the first one to fall out of whatever daze the brothers all seemed to be under. His demon form instantly dropped as tears lined his eyes. “MC!!!” He sprinted over to you and was about to pounce, but found himself smacking into an invisible wall as Solomon threw his hand up. The demon rubbed his nose and gaped over at the wizard in shock and betrayal. “Solomon?! You’re the one that took MC?!” The vicious hue that surrounded the brothers while they were attacking quickly returned as they set their sights on the wizard. Lucifer growled, his eyes remaining fixed on the hand that the wizard kept on your shoulder. “I knew we couldn’t trust him. Solomon, we demand that you let MC go, now.”  Your eyes widened as the demons began to surround you in a notably offensive position. You could feel Solomon’s hand tighten on your shoulder as he glared at them. “Not until you all calm down enough, that I feel that I can lower these protective walls without MC being maimed to death.”  Levi squawked in offense. “Us hurt them?! You’re the one that kidnapped and tortured them!!!”  “Wait what?!” You and Solomon exclaimed in sync.  You shoved Solomon’s hand off your shoulder and stood between the wizard and the demons. “Alright, everyone calm down for a minute. I think there’s been a big misunderstanding. Why do you think that Solomon kidnapped and tortured me? That’s insane!”  Satan eyed you analytically. “He’s probably given them a potion to manipulate their memories to make them think they’ve come willingly and have them be more submissive,” a few growls filled the air from the statement.  Mammon moved as close to you as he could with the invisible wall still up, and looked at you desperately. “MC, you’ve been drugged. But we’re gonna get ya home! Solomon broke in through your window this mornin’ and took ya from us. We know that he’s hurt ya, but we’re not gonna let him hurt ya any more,” his eyes hardened as they shifted to Solomon. “That’s a promise.”  Solomon sighed and shook his head. “I didn’t do any of that! Earlier this week, I invited MC to accompany me today as I gathered ingredients to give them a chance to see more of the Devildom. They agreed and came with me this morning.”  You nodded and held up a bag of mushrooms as proof. “Exactly. We’ve just been out here exploring the woods all day. That’s all.”  Belphegore raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Then how come you didn’t tell us, or leave a note? Why was your window open and your phone left behind?”  You’re eyes widened as you felt your stomach drop in realization. “Oh, boys, I am so sorry. I completely forgot! We left so early that I was a bit out of it, and I must have forgotten to make a note. I figured there wouldn’t be any reception in the woods, and I had Solomon there with me for protection, so I didn’t take my phone. I promise this really is just a misunderstanding.”  Belphie’s eyes narrowed, clearly still not fully buying the story. “And the window?”  You chuckled and scratched the back of your neck. “It was hot last night. I opened it too cool off. I must have forgotten to close it too,” you could feel guilt course through your heart as the brothers all glanced at each other with caution and uncertainty. “I’m really sorry guys. I promise I’m okay. Really!”  Beel growled lowly as he moved closer to you. “Then what about the blood that we found in the woods? What about the pain we felt you go through? I know that was real! You were hurt MC! Solomon hurt you!” his voice dropped dangerously low on the last line as his eyes began to glow once more and he punched the invisible wall; trying to break it down by sheer force to get to you.  You flinched back, as you realized just how bad this must have seemed to all of them. “We weren’t careful, and we were surprised by that Iacis Rat that you found. It scratched my arm and threw me causing me to break my other arm. Once we got away, Solomon gave me a healing potion, that unfortunately has a pretty painful process,” you looked at Beel sympathetically. “I’m alright, see?” you moved your arms around, and took off your coat to show the undamaged skin on your arms. “No injuries. Just a plain, old, healthy, MC.” You sighed and looked over at the others. “I am so so sorry for worrying you all. I swear I didn’t mean to. If I get Solomon to lower the wall so that I can hug you, do you promise not to attack him?”  There was a notable hesitance in their response as they eyed the two of you and seemed to exchange a silent conversation between one another, before one by one, they all dropped their demon forms.  Taking that as confirmation, Solomon dropped the warding walls, and within moments you were engulfed by the arms of six of the brothers.  “Stupid human” Mammon grumbled and he held you tightly to his chest, “What were ya thinkin’?”  “Don’t ever pull that normie crap again, okay?” Levi nuzzled his face into your hair, blushing deeply. “I-I missed a raid because of you!”  “You’re not allowed to do stuff like that. You had Beel all upset. You know I don’t like it when Beel’s upset.” Belphie muttered, causing Beel to wrap his arms around the group of you tighter.  “You really had us all worried MC,” the gentle giant whispered. “We...We thought you had gotten killed or something. Thought that we lost you.”  “Urgh! All this stress has been terrible for my skin!” Asmodeus complained as he pulled away from the group hug. “You owe me a full spa day, darling. I don’t wait want to hear any arguing about it either, because it’s happening. It’s the least you can do after everything you put us through.”  Satan pulled away in front of you and frowned as he flicked your nose, like an owner would to a misbehaving dog. “Your actions today were reckless. You know the dangers of the Devildom. You should’ve told us where you were going and took your D.D.D with you. Do I need to remind you of just how wrong today could’ve gone even with Solomon by your side?”  Lucifer, standing away from you looked down at you with a carefully drafted gaze of indifference. “We’ll need to make sure that what happened today does not happen again, and ensure that you don’t ‘forget’ basic Devildom safety once more. There will be consequences that we will discuss once we get home. Am I clear?”  Strong waves of guilt, shame, and regret washed over you as each of the brothers spoke. You shivered at Lucifer’s words, and his tone which promised that these consequences would not be pleasant, and nodded in response.  “Good. Let’s get you back home then, shall we?”  As you were to be lead back down the forest path in Levi, Mammon, and Beel’s arms, you glanced over your shoulder and waved at a notably concerned Solomon. “Bye Solomon! Thanks for taking me out today. Next time, we’ll both make the proper preparations and have an even better day, yeah?”  Solomon smiled softly at you and nodded. “That’d be lovely MC. It was great being able to spend the day with just the two of us.” The moment you weren’t looking, the brothers all snapped their glares back at Solomon, causing the wizard to flinch back. The message was clear: he would not be taking you for a day out ever again.  ***This was meant to be just a funny little drabble, but I accidentally went a teeny bit serious with it...woops. Oh well, hope you all enjoyed it! Thanks for reading! Love, B 🐝***

[annie-sae]

Wouldn’t mind

Pairing: Kazutora x fem!reader, past Baji x fem!reader

Hurt/comfort

Author note: This is my way of dealing with Baji’s death finally being animated, this is me comforting myself so I don’t keep crying.

Also, I posted this on AO3 as well:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33561445

Part of the reason you decided to get close to him was kind of the same reason why you decided to help out Chifuyu and the remaining founding Toman members in any way you could; even if that meant putting yourself in various fights. It was a way to honor his memory.

You met Baji Keisuke; your Kei; as nothing more than a child because you were neighbors and your mom happened to be friends with his mother which ended in them arranging lots of playdates for you both ever since you could remember.

Your mothers always said you were meant to be and they were right, so yeah, they were delighted once you two finally stopped denying yourselves and started to date.

You two got together after one time in which Baji got into a particularly bad fight and you found him on your way home; his hands all bruised but despite how much they must have been hurting he was smiling in that unique way of his that always told you that no matter the pain he won and enjoyed himself.

To be honest you didn’t like that he always got into fights nor how reckless he could be but you had to admit that there was always something about the way his eyes glinted that drew you in.

You dragged him inside your home, knowing that his mother would flip out if she saw him and taking advantage of the fact that your mother was to get home late, you pushed him to the couch, went to the kitchen for a bag of frozen vegetables, grabbed his hand after cleaning the blood off and held the bag to his knuckles hoping that it would bring down the swelling.

There was no way of knowing who made the first move but next thing you knew after that was that you two were kissing; the frozen bag laying on the floor long forgotten. After that you finally acknowledged your feelings and started dating. There was no grand gesture, it was just one of many moments that you shared daily yet it was perfect.

Baji liked to keep you away from Toman businesses so for the most part you didn’t actually know the rest of the members except for Chifuyu; whom you met on various occasions while going to visit your boyfriend; and Mikey that you met as a child since you were always following around Baji and in a way became your friend too; but that was it. He kept that apart from the side of his life that involved you because he was well aware of how messy it could get and he didn’t want to drag you into any trouble.

Yet his gang life caught up to him, crashing into your world and pushing you into a lonely abyss that still to this day left a hole in your chest.

You’d always remember that dreaded day when your mother came home later than usual without letting you know anything, eyes teary and red rimmed. The moment she looked at you, she pulled you into a strong hug and sobbed as she caressed your hair murmuring a string of words you couldn’t really make out.

She was the one to deliver the news of his passing, how she was late because she was at the Baji household and had to accompany his mother to claim her son’s body after the woman received a call from the police station telling her that the boy had been stabbed and bled to death.

The day would never come when you’d forget the pain that shot through your body as you learned that he was gone. It hurt unlike anything else you have ever experienced, as if someone was crushing your chest like it was made out of paper, air knocked out of your lungs and the only thing you could do was scream helplessly his name as you held for dear life onto your mother’s frame. You felt bile rise up your throat so fast that it was a miracle that you didn’t throw up.

His funeral wasn’t any easier. Not when you arrived and his mom pulled you to his casket saying just how handsome he looked, inviting you to see him in a way that you couldn’t refuse.

Around an hour after yourself, arrived Chifuyu who went to you after giving his condolences to his best friend’s mother that held him the way she used to hold her boy but now she’d never get the chance to do anymore.

If you were being completely honest, you couldn’t remember much more of that day, your mind was hazy, too many gaps in the memory of all that transpired.

Only two things were clear as day in your mind. First was the way that Kei had looked inside that coffin smiling peacefully and for a moment you almost fooled yourself into thinking that he was just sleeping, but he was pale, his canines weren’t showing and his eyes were slightly sunken but you had to agree with his mom because he looked handsome indeed. The second was that Chifuyu stayed by your side throughout the whole thing, in fact he was the one who told you what actually happened and you were thankful for it all.

He told you what Baji did and why he did it and you believed it the second the words left his mouth because you knew him well and if there was anything that defined your beloved boyfriend was his heart, how willing he was to give anything for those that he cared about; his unwavering loyalty; you just wished he hadn’t put himself on the line for that.

Twelve years have passed and a lot of things changed since his parting, for starters you became a member of Toman.

One night; around a month after everything happened; you went to the Musashi temple fully aware that it was the place that the boys used as their base and in front of everyone gathered there; bracing yourself; you walked towards Mikey, bowed deeply and begged for him to accept you as a member.

At first most of the guys there laughed at you while others frowned and called you names shooing you away but you stayed still, that was until a big hand grabbed you by the arm and that was when you pulled away from it and punched the guy square in the nose remembering the time Baji taught you how to pack a punch. The guy tried to send a blow towards you but was stopped by Chifuyu yet the whole commotion came to a halt with Mikey’s commanding voice.

“Y/N, you know this is a guys-only gang”

“I’m aware, Mikey, but” you clenched your fists “but Keisuke cared about this gang so I feel like I must join, to protect everything he fought for” you raised your head “he also taught me how to fight so you don’t have to worry about me being a burden on you and I know a few things about first aid, I can carry my own weight” you were thankful for your mother being a nurse and having taught you a bit.

He stared at you, his eyes giving away nothing.

“The first division can take her in” Chifuyu supplied.

Mikey raised a brow and looked at another blonde guy.

“Takemitchy, you are the first division’s captain, do you agree to take her?” the guy straightened up and after sharing one look with Chifuyu he nodded.

An uproar started as a lot of guys started to complain about how bad of an idea it was to admit a girl in the gang but Draken stopped them with one word.

Mikey looked at you once more, then he sighed and nodded.

“Then welcome, Y/N L/N, from now on you are a member of the Tokyo Manji Gang under the first division”.

Later that day you gave your thanks to Chifuyu and Takemichi, for getting behind you and promised to help them in any way possible but Chifuyu made you promise to be safe and only join them as a last resource because he couldn’t allow Baji’s girlfriend to get hurt since he promised him he’d take care of you.

You knew that your parents wouldn’t be happy with you being a part of a gang but you had to do it, it was a way to stay close to Kei and you needed that or else you would have gone crazy, you were also thankful because life had it that you were assigned to the division that used to be his.

Shit happened but you always took things head on and you had to admit that Chifuyu and Takemichi played a crucial part in you surviving all the crappy things that happened until the gang disbanded. While still a member you were extremely grateful for makeup since it helped you hide from your parents a good amount of nasty bruises that came from the fights.

The second thing that changed was that you moved out of your parents’ house from the moment you started college and although at first it was hard and you were living in a tiny apartment that resembled more to a matchbox yet it was the only thing you could afford at the moment with the part time job you had but you were decided to not return home, not because you weren’t comfortable with them but because they were already doing too much for you by paying for your studies so you didn’t want them to be spending any more money on you.

You managed and after a while you got a better job that meant a higher pay grade and you moved out of your tiny place to your current one that was bigger and just a couple of minutes away from the cemetery where the Baji family grave was.

Even when you had exams due the next day, even when you were way too busy, you still made it a habit to go visit him daily, it didn’t matter if you had to walk for long or that you were so tired you could have fallen asleep while standing, you still went to see him.

Your mother told you once that maybe you should let go, that he wouldn’t like to have you clinging to him this much and to appease her you went to a couple of dates once every three months but you never made it past the first date but funnily enough that landed you a few long lasting friendships with some of the guys you tried to date.

One time his mom talked to you and told you just how grateful she was with you for loving her son the way you did but that you didn’t owe him anything, that you could move on because she was sure that was what he would have wanted and maybe she was right; to hell you knew that she was; but it wasn’t a matter of you feeling like you owed devotion to him but more like no one ever compared to him, not a single person awoke in you the same feelings he did, not with the same intensity it was kind of like a beautiful curse because you grieved daily his absence but you wouldn’t want it other way, even if you went back and told yourself that by loving him you’d end up in pain, you’d still go through it all because the time spent with him was worth it and you told her that so she smiled and even talked with your mother making her stop begging you to date and leave you to your own devices.

Another thing that changed was you because you cut your hair really short; yet without needing it you still wore a hair tie on your wrist daily as if it was some sort of amulet because it reminded you of him.

Also, with the bigger place you adopted three beautiful cats that you loved dearly, first there was Blue; whose black hair shone blue under certain light hence his name; then there was Leo; an orange tabby cat you found one day and adopted instantly; and Jin; a maine coon that was your appointed guardian and didn’t like anyone around you nor him.

The three always slept with you; which made you thankful for getting a big bed when you first moved; and in a way they made your life less lonely because in their presence you felt as if Keisuke was right there with you which made sense because you two had made plans about living together once highschool was over and then adopt a ton of cats, all the cats your parents never allowed in the house when you were younger.

Of course things don’t always end up the way we plan them, you knew that better than most although to be completely honest you never expected Kazutora to come into the picture.

You new who he was, on one occasion Kei told you that him speaking on his behalf and taking the full blame for what happened with Mikey’s older brother was a big factor on him staying out of juvie so in a way you were thankful to him but you also knew; through Chifuyu’s retelling; what happened on that horrible halloween when you lost your whole world.

Even when you knew that everything had been planned out by Kisaki, for the longest time you were resentful towards Kazutora, even going as far as to curse his sole existence because hadn’t it been for him then your Keisuke would surely still be with you. It took you years for you to come to terms with everything and accept that Baji chose to leave all because he cared about that boy way too much.

You came to realize that by hating Kazutora, by wishing him the worst and spending so much energy in resenting him you were betraying Kei’s wishes.

His final will was to keep Toman’s funding members; Kazutora included; safe, he chose death, going down as a villain to his friends, all just to protect them, to save him so the least you could do was carry on his wishes and look after them, not only after Chifuyu and the others but you also felt the moral obligation towards Keisuke, to welcome Kazutora and help him back into his life.

Now, you went to help around Chifuyu and Kazutora’s shop, fully aware that it was their way of honoring his memory, by living out the dream he never had the chance for.

You could understand them because everyday you did the same, hell, you even went to study veterinary because that had been the plan all those years back; he was supposed to open his pet shop and you were supposed to be the one to tend to the animals, he always said that you had the best shot because you usually did rather good at school.

You met Kazutora the day after Chifuyu picked him up from prison. You already knew that he would be joining you two for lunch the following day because he told you in advance in case you weren’t ready to meet the man that had played a big part in your old boyfriend’s death.

Chifuyu by that point had become your best friend in the world, your constant support. What started as a way to cope with Baji’s loss, as both of you searching in the other for any vestiges of his existence with the passing of the years turned into something more, a fraternal bond forged through shared grief.

Chifuyu was like a brother to you and you knew that he saw you as a sister, you cared about him deeply.

If you were being completely honest, you were a bit torn when a month prior to the release, he announced to you that he’d be picking up the guy and was planning on welcoming him as a roommate and as an extra hand at the shop; that is if the other accepted. I mean, you’d have to be crazy to just accept it as it was, no questions asked because whether manipulated and messed up in the head, it didn’t change the fact that he was the one to stab him.

Of course you knew it hadn’t been easy for him to reach that, it was obvious that he had thought it through, you could see in his eyes just how much went into making that decision but that he was sure that that was Baji would have liked and you knew that as well because that was the type of person Keisuke used to be, a bit rough on the edges but so caring and willing to give for those he loved, and he sure as hell had proven how much he cared about the guy.

You had never talked to him, what little you knew about him was what Baji had mentioned all those years back when he almost went to prison and what Chifuyu told you, how he was getting the help he needed and seemed to be making progress but that was it.

To say it was awkward at first was a big understatement. He was extremely quiet and even after you greeted him he refused to make eye contact while you kept fidgeting in place trying to come up with something to say. Thank god for Chifuyu since he was the one to introduce you although he could have been a bit more careful when he introduced you as Baji’s old girlfriend, although you couldn’t blame him because there was no way around it, that was what you were.

The moment he understood who you were he froze, eyes focusing on his hands under the table. You noticed how uneasy he became and with a look you asked Chifuyu to give you a minute, thankfully he understood and trusting you excused himself from the table.

You reached out, stilling your hand in the middle of the space between you when you saw him flinch, something that reminded you of the time when you encountered Leo for the first time; hurt and scared. Kazutora in a way resembled him, something lonely and broken about him that gave you the final push to get close.

Just like you did way back for Leo you extended your open hand towards him, facing upwards to show him that you had no ill intentions and you rested your hand on the table just a few centimeters away from his arm, not wanting to startle him but wanting to show him that you were trying to get close.

“I don’t hate you, Hanemiya-kun”

His gaze zeroed on your hand and then eyes of the color of the lightest brown you’ve ever seen; almost the same shade as amber; met yours wary and trembling but you simply nodded confirming that you were being completely honest.

“Why?” his voice came out broken.

“Because Keisuke cared about you” you smiled, feeling your eyes get watery and Kazutora’s face became blurry due to the tears.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I- I wish I could take it all back, I really do, I...” you heard the words come out cracked and you shook your head and reached for his arm.

“I know...it’s fine. Like I said, I don’t hate you, it’s been a while since that happened and I’ve made up my mind, I’ve already accepted it as part of life” that’s a lie and you know, you miss him every day so much that you still cling to the little things he left behind, that’s the reason why you haven’t been in a relationship after him.

You quickly wiped the tears out of your eyes and looked at him once more. “I’d like to be there for you, maybe be friends even, that is if you’d like that”

Kazutora’s mind was running laps. Was he hearing you correctly? Did you actually say that you wanted to be friends with him? Be friends with the guy that killed your boyfriend nonetheless. He couldn’t wrap his head around that thought, it was simply impossible, he was a villain, a rotten fruit that nobody had ever liked and that poisoned the only good things he had in his life, why would anyone want to be near him?

First there was Chifuyu; who for all he could gather used to consider Baji as his best friend; welcoming him into his apartment, offering him a place to stay and even a job no questions asked, that was already hard to understand, but now having you willing to welcome him? That was almost ridiculous because you surely knew, he saw the way you interacted with Chifuyu, there was no way in hell he didn’t tell you, so why?

Why were you being kind to him? So gentle? Why couldn’t you just scream and curse him? Heaven knows for how long he has been cursing himself, regretting everything he did, from Shinichiro to Baji. He deserved to be yelled at, to be shunned away from society, he was deserving of pain and should be tossed to the abyss of loneliness, forever in the dark, far away from the sun.

He couldn’t fathom why on God's name was Baji’s girlfriend in front of him extending her delicate hand towards him. But even when he couldn’t understand he wanted to accept it. He knew he deserved nothing given how he had taken two lives but he wanted the embrace so badly.

He wanted company, friends, he didn’t want to be forever an outcast due to his bad decisions but instead he wanted to belong, to feel some sort of comfort, he wanted to bask in the sun’s warmth and for once in a very long time feel a bit of peace, he wanted saving, someone to tell him he was worthy even when he knew he wasn’t.

He looked at you once more, and something felt warm inside his chest; even his throat tightening; when he saw that you were still smiling gently at him despite the rebel tears that had escaped from your eyes.

“I’d like that” he smiled wobbly. “Also, Kazutora is fine”

“Then let’s be friends, Kazutora-kun” your smile grew broader and that was the start.

Surprisingly after that, it didn’t take long for you to grow comfortable with each other. He was quiet and would often be found spacing off but he was considerate towards you, actually he returned the same kindness you gave him, although it was evident that he was still wary and a bit rough on the edges he tried hard and you could see, so whenever he was having a bad mood you tried not to take it personally.

Through gentle words and patience, you won him over, even those around you were surprised at how quickly he warmed up to you but there was just something in him that pulled you, maybe that same thing that pushed you to adopt Leo when you found him malnourished and hurt on your way home from the cemetery or maybe it was something else.

Just as he warmed up to you, you warmed up to him. It was easy to talk to him, he was always willing to lend you an attentive ear, listening to your ramblings about the monotonous things that happened at the clinic, it didn’t matter that he knew nothing about the people you mentioned, he always listened like it was the most important thing in the world.

At first your interactions were always in company of Chifuyu, mostly at the shop while you went to visit which actually ended in you helping around to organize the merchandise or on the usual checkups on the animals to ensure that they were in the utmost condition for the moment someone decided to welcome them into their home.

Then, Kazutora started to walk you to the station but slowly that turned into him accompanying you all the way home and since he was taking the time to go with you you started offering him a cup of tea at your house before he’d leave again to get back to his and Chifuyu’s place.

That wasn’t the end of it because one cup of tea turned into two, then three and finally what started as a thanks for the inconvenience turned into hours-long talks about the most menial things just because.

Your cats loved him; Blue was always rubbing himself against his legs while Leo wasted no time to go lay on his legs and with a meow demand to be petted at the moment; but the most amazing thing of all was that Jin didn’t hate him, in fact he got way too comfortable with him which was a thing that you’d never seen, the only other person besides yourself that he liked was Hina, hell, not even Chifuyu had been able to charm the bigger cat and now apparently he didn’t mind Kazutora trailing behind you when even up to that day whenever he was visiting Chifuyu would get a growl from Jin but not Kazutora.

He was nice to your babies, he liked them and you could see that he didn’t change his demeanour towards them even when he thought you weren’t looking, in fact his voice got softer when directed at them and you were also the kind of person that trusted animal’s perception so the fact that your beloved cats liked him really told you that he had changed from what little you knew about his ways before being sent to prison after Baji’s death.

Kazutora started noticing the little things about you, for starters the way you’d always be singing a random thing off tune but with such energy that it was amusing but when asked he’d swear on his life that he wasn’t bothered that he actually liked it even though you knew very well that you weren’t a good singer but the opposite yet there was something powerful about having him joining in the middle of your singing, even when he didn’t know the lyrics he’d be humming along.

You were a sight to behold for him because in all the mess of his life he had never encountered someone as lively as yourself. Even after losing Baji you tried your best, you were determined and hardworking and so kind, not only to him but to every living thing no matter if they were animals, people or even plants, you amazed him because you were always so willing to be gentle to anyone.

You were a soothing presence.

That was not to say you didn’t have your bad days, after all you were only human and it was simply impossible to be at one hundred percent everyday the whole day, but you pushed through and you were always quick to ask for forgiveness if you had an outburst towards someone, you were the kind to not withhold apologies even when you weren’t at fault. He could remember a handful of times in which you apologized when he was the one to step on your toes.

You, of all people apologized to him, a social reject, a vermin, you apologized to him as if he was worthy, as if that was the logical thing to do but he knew that no matter what you did he knew that he was the one that still owed you a lifetime of apologies.

He wasn’t an idiot, he knew how much Baji meant to you even to that day, he noticed the little pieces of him lingering in your everyday, like how you always wore a hair tie around your wrist even when your hair was way too short for you to ever need it and whenever you had to get your bangs out of your face you used hair clips, never the tie on your wrist, the way you always cracked your knuckles as if getting ready for a fight even if you were only checking the animals and the way you carried yourself in a way resembled the way Baji used to.

He never told you but a few times he found you at the cemetery by coincidence while visiting Baji and there was something heartbreaking about seeing you kneeling on the ground with trembling shoulders despite it being a hot day. He regretted what he did, not only because he felt guilty or ‘cause he missed his friend but also for your sake because he wanted to see your happy smile, he never wanted to hear your cries ever again.

Just like him, you started seeking his company more and more, not only were you inviting him to stay and talk after walking you home but you made plans with him and just him, to go window shopping, for a cup of coffee, lunch dates, movie premieres; because you liked going to the movies so much and discovered that he was an enthusiast as much as you; movies on the couch, even just lazy sundays at your house playing the entire day with your cats.

Of course reaching this state was quick yet slow, it was hard to explain, like you were close to him and enjoyed his company, but it was different than it was with Hina or even Chifuyu yet you wouldn’t call it romantic, not at first.

Sure, there was something to Kazutora, you weren’t blind so you could see clear as day that he was rather handsome, probably one of the prettiest guys you’d ever met but there was something more, something that pulled you, something broken and lonely that tugged at your heart and told you to care for him.

At such a young age he had been to prison on two occasions and you could actually see that that was simply the tip of the iceberg. He had to mature too soon, he mentioned vaguely that his relation with his parents wasn’t the best and his eyes at times looked older than he actually was, plus it took a long time for him to get used to your affectionate ways because your love-language was physical touch. You had a special fascination with hair and all of your friends were used to that but Kazutora was like a kicked puppy that was only learning to trust in people once more.

You were a new breeze of air into his life, with your caring ways and funny nature he fell. For the first time in his life he had someone like you, at first it was difficult for him to realize that the fuzzy feeling inside his gut whenever he looked at you or even heard your voice meant what people called love but it was a given because he had never felt that way before.

For the longest time he felt like love was a lie, he remembered how bad his home life was, how strained and full of pain the things between his parents were, even now from time to time he had nightmares of his mother crying as his father hit her and then her begging him; only a child; to pick sides.

He wanted to hold you close, to keep you away from harm and to listen to your laugh for days on end, for once his heartbeat quickened for someone, he found a safe place in your presence, you were an oasis after years roaming the desert. You were such an unusual kind of certainty in his life that he never had but that he had searched for so long.

While Kazutora realized rather quickly; in comparison to you; that you had wormed your way into his heart making a home for you it took you around three years and others pointing it out for you to actually realize that he meant to you more than a friend.

The first one was your mother although not as subtly but rather by saying that she was happy that you were now with Kazutora which took you by surprise because you weren’t.

That wasn’t the end of it, but only the beginning.

The next one was Hina one day you were sleeping over at her house, but the cherry on top was Chifuyu.

“Hey, I know it’s not really my business, but when are you going to get together?” he asked one time when you went out for coffee.

“What?” you asked mindlessly, stirring some sugar into your beverage.

“Yeah, you’re kind of driving me crazy, it’s kind of annoying feeling like a third-wheel without actually being one, just get it over with” he spoke before taking a sip from his own cup.

“What?” you snapped your head back to him.

“Is that the only thing you’re gonna say?” he looked at you through half-lidded eyes.

“Yes, because I honestly don’t understand a single thing of what you’re saying” you shook your head and took a sip from your coffee.

“What I’m saying is that it’s obvious that you like Kazutora” he said matter-of-factly.

“Of course I like him, he’s my friend, I like you too”.

“No, you don’t, you like me as your friend but you like Kazutora in a different way, a lovey-dovey way” he deadpanned.

“No, Kei-” you began just like you did whenever your mother used to bring up your love life or thereof lack of it.

“Baji-san has been gone for years already” he cut you, wincing as he said that and to you his words felt like a slap across your face.

“Look, I know, trust me, I do, but it’s been long enough and if there is someone that makes you feel good you should go for it, he wouldn’t want you being unhappy for him” he sighed and with a hand pushed his hair back.

“He asked me to take care of you because he wanted you to be alright, he wanted you to be happy and he’d probably punch me if I simply stood by and watched you being miserable” he pushed his cup to the side, leaned over the table to grab you by the shoulders and looked into your eyes seriously.

“I know you like him, don’t be an idiot, it’s painfully obvious with how you look at him and spend almost all of your free time with him, Baji-san won’t be mad at you for finding someone new and I believe that he’d be happy that it is Kazutora of all people”.

Before you could respond to that, the sound of a new message cut you off and when you looked sideways to your phone on the table, a soft smile graced your lips when Kazutora’s name appeared on the screen. Without thinking you opened it and it was some random video of a kitten; somewhere along the way it became a thing between you and it reminded you of how Keisuke used to send you daily pictures of the cats that went to his house.

“It’s Kazutora, right?” Your face grew hot once you came back to reality, remembering suddenly with whom you were and what you were talking about.

“I’ll let you be, but don’t be an idiot and let yourself be happy” and just like that Chifuyu ended that conversation and quickly changed topics.

You knew you liked him, you felt warm whenever he was around you, his voice soothed you even on the worst of days and you looked forward to his messages. You had learned to find comfort in his eyes but they were a wrong shade; not brown enough.

He wasn’t Keisuke. He’d never be.

A few days later you found yourself in the shop, helping around but constantly sending glances in his direction, his back facing towards you, looking painfully similar to Kei’s even down to the hair length, although the color wasn’t the right match with it’s blonde streaks you could still fool yourself into thinking it was him.

But then he’d turn to look at you and send a smile your way and there would be a beauty mark under golden eyes and a tiger tattoo where it shouldn’t have been and that smile was lacking a pair of prominent incisives peeking through.

You knew it was wrong to look at him searching for Keisuke, searching for your lost love in another, clinging to the remnants of his passing through the world but you missed him so much.

At times you felt like you couldn’t even breathe, you had even fallen asleep in front of his family grave after a long day if you went to visit at dawn after not being able to make it at morning but you had to visit him daily in order to feel in his company because if you ever thought of skipping a lump appeared in your chest crushing your heart.

Yet, even then, even when you realized it wasn’t Baji your heart would skip a bit and your stomach would twist.

Later that night you found yourself walking home with Kazutora by your side in complete but comfortable silence, feeling the warmth oozing from his arm that was left hanging at his side lightly brushing against yours, rising even the tiniest hair of your arm.

Kazutora had been going at it over and over for months. At first, when he realized what he felt for you he decided to bury it deep and forever carry it in silence but as time went on he craved your presence.

He started wishing for more, more smiles, those smiles to be only for him, he even found himself looking forward to getting hurt while playing with your cats because it meant that you would be cleaning up his hands and putting on a band-aid with the utmost care and attention even if they were the most insignificant scratches ever.

He liked having your attention, he liked that you replied to any message from him almost immediately; unless you were attending to a patient then you’d reply as soon as possible; he also liked how your eyes would get bigger whenever something amazed you or if you found something even remotely cute.

Your constant ramblings plagued his mind at every hour no matter if he was asleep. Hell, he even went to Baji’s grave to ask for permission to love you, even if he did so in silence he felt like he owed that much to his old friend because you were his girl after all.

Why did it have to be you? Why Baji’s? Why did you have to come into his life and be like the sun? You were too much for him, too perfect, too good while he was nothing but a mess, too fucked up, too far away from repair. For fuck’s sake, he was the one that took your boyfriend away, he would have been better off handling your hate but instead you were there giving him so much it almost pained him, only adding up to his guilt.

This had to be some sick game of the universe. God must have been having the time of his life laughing at how the killer fell in love with the victim’s old love.

Before any of you knew, you had already gotten home and like it became custom you invited him inside for a cup of tea.

As soon as you opened the door, your three babies rushed to the entryway to greet you, Jin being the very first, you hadn’t taken two steps inside when he was already brushing himself against your legs. The other two weren’t too far but to your disappointment Leo approached Kazutora before even looking at you.

“I’ll stop bringing you here, you’re stealing them away from me” you pouted while kneeling down to hug Jin who looked at Kazutora with no distaste, then you picked up Blue and let him nuzzle your neck, after that still holding him you went to rub Leo with your free hand once he finally took notice of you and remembered who bought him food and toys.

Kazutora’s hearty laugh filled your ears pulling your mouth from the pout into a smile.

“Leo knows who’s the cool one” he winked your way. “I’m kidding, he likes you more” he looked down at said cat “right pal? Isn’t your mom the absolute best?”

“Oh, shut up, flattery won’t take you anywhere” You felt blood rushing to your face so you stood up hiding your reddening face into Blue’s fur.

You hurried to the kitchen and then, out of his sight was when you put Blue down and started to boil some water, hearing over it as the door closed and seconds later Kazutora appeared with the other two trailing behind.

You ended up splayed on the bigger couch in your living room, your back leaning against his side while Jin laid on top of your legs while in Kazutora’s rested the other two cats. At that moment you were with your eyes closed, mindlessly caressing Jin while you listened to Kazutora talk to your cats in a baby voice that you wouldn’t have expected from him the first time you met.

For him it wasn’t easy to keep his cool, he had to school his face even if you weren’t looking at him and oh, his heart was so loud it was about to jump out of his chest and he wouldn’t mind but he didn’t want you to listen.

I’m sorry Baji.

A  meow of protest fell on deaf ears since he had stopped caressing Leo and Blue, instead turning his full attention towards you.

You turned your head and suddenly you found yourself way too close to his face; so much you could’ve counted every single of his lashes; staring up at a pair of golden eyes that were looking at you and only you as if you had been the one to hang up the stars in the sky.

His features were delicate, so beautiful it was heartstopping, he looked almost otherworldly; and not only because the ghost of Baji’s face lingered in his in a particular way; but there was a certain glimmer in his eyes that you had been noticing from a few days leading to that one, only that then it shined brighter than ever.

Unbeknownst to you, your eyes were reflecting Kazutora’s shine and your heart was beating to the same tempo as his starting up a melody of their own with your breathing getting caught up in your lungs making up the rhythm accompanying your song.

You were being drawn into each other like opposite poles of a magnet, barely any resistance was there and soon enough you met in the middle. At first it was the softest brush; like when you first dip your toe before jumping into the water; but it started a whole revolution inside both.

The brush became a second and then your lips were pressing against each other, basking in the warmth that radiated off that single contact that sparked a bunch of reactions at the same time. Your heart went off, your lungs closed; forgetting for that moment that they needed air and not that man to keep kissing you; and for the briefest moment your mind stopped thinking about Baji.

Kazutora was ready to die, if he was sent to hell at that very moment he’d be glad because at least he got a taste of heaven and it was more than enough. He decided then and there that he was bound to be cursed because how did a monster like him manage to get a kiss from an angel such as yourself? It must have been a sin for something so tainted to even look your way.

He didn’t know when your hand placed itself on the side of his neck but he knew that he was yours, if there was any doubt of that up until that point, it vanished with the way you were gently caressing his tattoo as if you were tracing it by memory, as if you had paid close attention to him, as if he mattered, as if he was something more than a broken thing.

Something inside you moved when a whimper escaped his lips the first time you pulled away for a mere second in order to get air before going in once more, this time ready to open your mouth and let him take while you explored. It felt nice, new; which was to be expected since the last time you had kissed someone this way had been with Baji.

Keisuke.

You opened your eyes and suddenly pulled away, almost as if his touch burned you; and in a way it could be said to be true; and your violent movement startled the three cats that you had ignored moments before, making them leave for your room.

The image of your beloved; death; boyfriend took Kazutora’s place, brown replaced gold and the beauty mark vanished, the yellow strands that framed his face turned jet black and the smile you’d been missing like crazy; that particularly his that showed his teeth was there.

You blinked a few times and his image left, allowing you to see Kazutora for who he was and not the ghost of him.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came to me” he looked at you with tears gathering in his eyes almost pleading and you realized how it must have looked to him.

“No, Tora, I-”

I’m an idiot, I blew this up. Again I’ve just gone and ruined what good I had.

“I’m going now” he stood up and left for the door, leaving you alone and cold on the couch.

I’m sorry Keisuke.

You stood up and went after, finding him in the doorway hastily putting on his shoes but you grasped his arm to stop him.

“I will leave right now, it’ll be like nothing happened” you caught a glimpse of a tear trailing down his cheek and that sight prompted you to speak.

“No” your other hand reached for the fabric of his shirt, securing him.

“Y/N”

“I don’t want you to leave, I-” the words choked you, there was too much you had to say and your mouth wasn’t responding as fast as you would’ve liked.

“Don’t ask me to stay because if you do it’ll only hurt more when you tell me it was a mistake”

“But it wasn’t a mistake, I want you, okay? Kazutora, I like you” you at least managed to say the one thing that was clear in your mind, that had been clear for a long time but only got accepted after that one conversation with Chifuyu.

That certainly stopped him, for he turned around to fully face you and you saw his eyes filled to the brim in tears that he refused to let run freely.

You reached for his face as slowly as the first time you two met, giving him enough space to retreat, but how could he when the thing he wanted most was to be with you and bask in the calm that your presence brought into his messy life? When he didn’t give any signs of pulling away you smiled and cupped his cheeks as if you were holding a piece of glass; and in a way Kazutora was just as fragile as that material when it came to you.

He leaned into your touch, and you were bold enough to pull him in and rest your foreheads together, looking with all seriousness into his eyes, having deja vu of the first day.

“Why? Why? I- what I did to Baji, you know what I’ve done, I don’t”

“I really can’t say, I just do, it’s, it’s hard, okay?” you closed your eyes for a brief second before continuing.

“I swore that there wouldn’t be anyone else and now, now you are here and I like being with you but I know that is way different from how it is with anyone else, it’s something more, something I never thought I’d be able to feel again”

He smiled through his tears because after all he’s done, every mistake in his life said that he didn’t deserve you and yet there you were.

“But I also have to be honest with you” he braced himself for what would be your next words.

“I still love Keisuke, I will probably still be loving him even fifty years from now and that is something that will never change, he was my first friend, first time holding hands, my first love, first kiss, many firsts, he took most of them” you gave out a wobbly smile.

“He’s forever imprinted in my skin and I’ll always be his” he lowered his gaze at that. “But if you can accept that I’m willing to try this, I never dated; not really, not an actual relationship; after him but I wouldn’t mind it being you, I think we deserve a chance”.

His heart was thumping inside his chest making it harder to process everything so you waited while his mind raced. Kazutora looked into your eyes and knew he had to take the chance because you were what he needed and even if he was undeserving you thought him worthy.

A selfish part of him, the bad side said that he should be glad because if Baji was there he knew you would have chosen him, a thousand times you’d have chosen Baji over Kazutora and that pained him but what pained him the most was the fact that a tiny part of him was happy because now he had the chance to be with you.

He was taking the life Baji should’ve had, but he’d take good care of you.

He could live being second best if that meant he got to have you.