#and now doomsday because they signed his ass again

[femslashspuffy]

It is really cool actually that they restrained themselves and kept iron man just a trilogy from 2013-2019

It does suck tho that it came at the expense of every other movie being the Tony Stark Show

[geneeste]

Genie's SG-1 Rewatch: Singularity

Season 1, Episode 15. In which I have a VERY unexpected reaction to the setup to this episode, and then cry.

PREVIEW:

6:42 THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T PUT A LITERAL WELCOME SIGN ON A PLANET ANNOUNCING YOUR PRESENCE JFC “Dear Bad Guys, the SGC has an outpost here on this defenseless planet, please come kill everyone in it and send a doomsday device in the chest of a cute, traumatized little girl to destroy the SGC and all the stuff in a several-mile radius, kthxbai”

6:46 And now I’m getting upset that I don’t think they ever deal with the fact that it’s essentially their fault Hanka showed up on the Goa’uld radar at all And not in a “sometimes our presence has unintended, unforeseeable consequences” kind of way but in a “We were homicidally negligent in our treatment of this planet” way

5:10 Yay Singularity A nice palette cleanser after Hathor, ugh Lol Daniel “it’s black and it’s a hole” This man is a PhD

5:11 I love Sam’s spiraling hand gestures describing the matter entering the black hole Very cute, if dangerous

5:12 “Actually, it’s called the accretion disc” That’s my man, Jack Not just a pretty face

5:14 HEH Daniel’s slow on the uptake there Again, this man is a PhD

5:15 HEE Sam backing Jack’s knowledge up I loooooove it And I love them Sassy squared “Not initially” ew jack

5:17 Okay, hold up though — is this the first (and I’m pretty sure the last?) time we get this like road sign for a planet?

5:18 I am very confused by this thing, because I don’t think you’d want to advertise the SGC’s presence on this planet (HI GOAULD, WELCOME TO HANKA, ENJOY YOUR STAY!) And people from the SGC would certainly know who FROM THE SGC would be there

5:19 What is exactly the point of this highway sign aside from memorializing whoever Douglas McLean is (of blessed memory, I’m sure, not trying to be mean to this person)

5:20 What a weird ass thing to put here

5:22 Teal’c spidey sense is tingling Oh no poor guy I’m glad that they’ve put Daniel through at least some basic emergency protocols He springs right into action there

5:24 So one of the things that Mr Genie and I talk a lot about is that the US military would not send just 4 people through through an alien device to unknown territory

5:26 And I also have trouble suspending disbelief a little with remote bases on other planets because it’s veeeeerrrrry unlikely there’d be just a handful of people in these places ever So like SG1 showing up and wondering where everyone is...is just not something I think would actually happen

5:30 (Another random aside: I also sometimes wonder why they picked the Air Force as the managing service for the Stargate and not, say, the Army — I get it’s the most technology-oriented of the services and I am definitely biased toward them, but the USAF doesn’t really do infantry. I would have expected to see them either hand field operations over to the Army or see Joint Operations established waaaaaay earlier)

5:32 PM Oof they’re all dead I knew that was coming, but still, that sucks

5:33 WHY IS JANET’S HAIR DOWN AND WHY IS IT DOWN OFF WORLD The military doesn’t care if you’re pretty! JFC

5:34 Although yes, damn Janet is pretty Don’t distract me, you’re out of uniform!

5:36 Ugh is that a kid? I hate that (I mean I know other kids must have died but of course it upsets me to see it) 5:37 Do we ever find out if Cassie has any siblings? I wish we’d gotten more of her backstory

5:38 I feel like the story of her life before Sam and Janet was pretty thin considering this calamitous thing that happened hahaha Teal’c is making that face!

5:40 (I always thought it was RDA that said this, but apparently it was Michael Shanks who once took Chris Judge aside and was like, “you’re a handsome guy, why are you always doing that thing with your face???”) TEAL’C IS SO GENTLE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH My heeeeeeaaaaaart 5:41 Oh Sam, please stop telling the little girl who’s entire world was basically just murdered that everything’s okay

5:43 I like that Sam gets to be soft in this episode So often characters like hers don’t get to be soft without being punished in some way for it 5:45 Okay, so here’s the thing though I get why Sam would feel that SGC died for nothing if they didn’t study the black hole BUT I don’t understand the argument she’s trying to make about the rest of HANKA At this point there’s no reason to believe their deaths have anything to do with the phenomena so her curiosity comes across as really callous and selfish

5:49 That was a good bit of camera work, seeing the gate room from Cassie’s perspective It came across as pretty daunting

5:50 Oh my god Sam, why in the world would you think leaving a little girl whose WHOLE WORLD HAS JUST DIED in a concrete room on an unfamiliar planet by herself?

5:51 This isn’t even “never been a parent before” stuff, this is BASIC HUMAN DECENCY STUFF

5:52 why is Janet’s hair STILL DOWN It is way past her collar I don’t know why this is bugging me BUT IT IS REALLY BUGGING ME

5:54 Sam drawing herself into Cassie’s picture so she knows she’s not alone kills me every. time.

5:55 Y’all ever think about Cassie was trapped by herself on a planet surrounded by the corpses of everyone she ever knew

5:57 I hate that we didn’t see the real consequences from that in the show

5:57 PM sighs forever at this shows ongoing inability to handle real fallout on screen like 99% of the time

5:58 PM The scene with Jack explaining black holes to Teal’c is very funny but totally pointless Couldn’t we have skipped this and dealt with emotional stakes instead Did we just need to remind everyone that Jack and Teal’c are still on the planet? Lol

6:01 I love that silly grabby hands thing Sam does to Cassie in the infirmary Very much something I might do to make my kids laugh

6:02 Oh Cassie

6:03 “What? What do I do?” Aaaaahhhh Sam I feel ya honey, it’s the worst

6:04 Why are they doing CPR though? Is she not breathing? They didn’t say Cassie wasn’t breathing I’m confused Okay, so now she’s intubated that was fast Not sure what’s actually wrong here but it sucks all around

6:06 There’s...nothing attached to the breathing tube Why is it there Did they mean to place an airway? I AM VERY CONFUSED BY THIS DRAMATIC MEDICAL SCENE 6:13 Okay, not for nothing, but: if the show had chosen to pivot to Janet and Sam: Adoptive Moms/Life Partners Who Solve Mysteries, they would have had at least one viewer That viewer would have been me

6:14 I know this is a serious moment but this shot with that blue lighting is very flattering to Janet, Sam, and Daniel

6:15 Okay, I’m sorry, hold up again How exactly are they visualizing or trying to remove (or whatever it is they’re doing) Cassie’s chest bomb thing? Did they cut her open??? Is it minimally invasive surgery? What exactly is happening here 6:18 Are we saying it’s an intelligent tumor/bomb I never got this part of the story 6:20 This is a really sweet moment between Sam and Daniel Daniel is actually being kind and supportive and I love him for it Good job, Daniel

6:21 I love that Jack is enthusiastic about studying the black hole But I am a little annoyed that they let him enjoy this without making fun of him for it And that he gets to be proud of his knowledge of astronomy While Sam is so often set up and then mocked for her expertise/belittled for enjoying nerdy things  BUT WHATEVER I’M NOT BITTER

6:42 THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T PUT A LITERAL WELCOME SIGN ON A PLANET ANNOUNCING YOUR PRESENCE JFC “Dear Bad Guys, the SGC has an outpost here on this defenseless planet, please come kill everyone in it and send a doomsday device in the chest of a cute, traumatized little girl to destroy the SGC and all the stuff in a several-mile radius, kthxbai”

6:46 And now I’m getting upset that I don’t think they ever deal with the fact that it’s essentially their fault Hanka showed up on the Goa’uld radar at all And not in a “sometimes our presence has unintended, unforeseeable consequences” kind of way but in a “We were homicidally negligent in our treatment of this planet” way Like, I am kind of appalled now because I can’t unsee it Did they never talk to Cassie about this? Jesus Like holy shit this is several levels of terrible that I never thought about before

6:56 That is some amazing resolution on that telescope (not satellite, lol)  (Apologies, I’m pretty salty tonight)

7:00 And now I’m feeling very conflicted about using this little girl’s trauma as drama fodder for Sam Damn, I am looking at this ep in a whole new way (And also. I don’t buy Sam’s ‘military’ excuse for having to be detached. that doesn’t make sense to me at all)

7:02 Stepping back from the hella problematic setup of this storyline (and HOO BOY IS IT A BIG ONE), lots of potential Sam/Daniel shippyness in this ep I see solid friendship here but I totally get why someone would see a ship instead

7:05 Oh, so now you’re okay with sending additional backup to defend against one little girl but a few guys to protect an entire planet and probably a million dollar’s worth of equipment after you’ve broadcast your location to your deadliest enemy is fine Got it (Man. I am genuinely surprised by my reaction to this ep. Oof.) 7:10 I am begrudgingly acknowledging that this is a good shot of SG-1 I want it on the record that I am lodging this note on their attractiveness under protest 7:11 Heh “What about the abandoned nuclear facility at—“ “Right!” I suspect that bit of dialogue was inspired by military PA’s standard response to questions about nuclear weapons facilities: “I can neither confirm nor deny the presence of nuclear weapons at ____________.” @sharim28, 7:13 Hahaha yes convenient cut off Very smooth @geneeste, 7:14 So smooth Sam holding Cassie while she sleeps in the back of the truck is legit heartbreaking stahp I don’t want to feel things while I’m mad at you, show 7:16 Aahhhh Sam already knows she won’t be coming back up when Jack offers to take Cassie You can see it in her face That is some great acting by AT and MY HEART And I swear Jack has an inkling too It’s why he’s so insistent about the time 7:17 And that eye contact between her and Jack as the elevator doors close GAH Stupid show.

7:18 “Please, go back to sleep.” STOP IT I MEAN IT

7:19 This really is difficult to watch Poor Sam. Poor Cassie. Poor everybody.

7:21 Ahhhh Sam DON’T CRY SAM 7:22 That Jack switches from Captain Carter to Sam is just chefskiss.gif

7:23 So I love both the fact that Jack is desperately ordering Sam to come back up AND that Sam is desperately ignoring him Also perfection 7:24 (Don’t think I’ve forgotten the shitty thing you did show I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN I’M JUST TAKING A BREAK) Jack’s not leaving MY HEART 7:25 And also I love SG1 but of course Jack wouldn’t leave Cassie’s “I love you” really does feel earned here and that’s hard to do in such a short amount of time A testament to AT’s acting chops because I’m not feeling particularly charitable toward the writing right now 7:26 More great camerawork on Daniel and Teal’c I wonder who directed this ep

7:30 Mario Azzopardi — he hasn’t done much I recognize now. Peter Woeste on cinematography. Good work sirs. More good camera work on the guys 7:31 “We could have been wrong about the time.” “We could have been wrong about what would happen.” I love the drama but I’m mad about it 7:32 He switched to Sam again! I can’t wait to listen to this podcast ep of Chevrons Locked 7:34 PM Yes Daniel’s celebratory slap at Teal’c HA I love it 7:35 Why are we insisting on putting Sam in mom clothes Although I’m loving Teal’c's fashion

7:36 “A mother’s instinct, perhaps.” “Subtle, but no.” That is such a great little moment between Teal’c and Sam

7:38 Jack not so subtlety ushering the dog and the guys away

7:38 So sweet Big old softy Pretty sure that dog is walking Jack, but whatever

7:40 Sweet ending

7:41 I will never look at this episode or the whole storyline leading up to Cassie’s appearance the same way again, though Phew. That was an unexpected ride

7:42 Um. I just looked it up. Katie Stuart (Cassie) is a year older than me. Wut. the actress is frozen in my brain at 13 so this is very weird to discover

[castlestormed]

A Whole-ass Situation

SUMMARY:

April's week has been kinda normal so far. But then her phone — with its "unbreakable" phone case — breaks. And there is a lot of angry yelling coming from the lair.

(an exploration of April O'Neil and her place within her second family)

[ hurt/comfort, genfic, au, loosely based on events from the movie - which is to say less doomsday drama and more family drama ]

CHARACTERS:

April, the boys, Splinter

Read elsewhere: [A03]

---

April's week has been kinda normal so far — by April O'Neil standards anyway. She’d settled into a comfortable groove with her freshman classes at Eastlaird, she just got a big lead on a story she was working for the university press, and best of all her weekend was about to begin! All signs were clearly pointing towards an awesome one.

Then she gets butter fingers all of a sudden and drops her phone. It meets concrete and promptly shatters into a billion pieces. She's not too worried about losing what's on it; Donnie could fix it up for her before she really needs it. It’s just weird because she's never usually that clumsy. She's dropped her phone before and the cute cat case was usually pretty good at holding things together.

She brushes off the vague feeling of premonition on her way to the lair and has nearly managed to shake it off when she hears the yelling. The boys are always loud so the volume is not what sets off her weird meter for the second time that day. When she gets to the den, the tension in the air is so palpable that she does not even need to meet Mikey's panicked stare to know that something's wrong.

It's not weird that Leo and Raph are fighting again, but it's weird that Raph, who's usually so patient, can't seem to let go of this one. He continues to lose it for a solid minute after April arrives and she nearly covers her ears because it is loud in a way that Raph usually never is. The Raph that April grew up with was always careful about how much bigger he was than everyone else, so it was easy to forget that he could (and did  — that boy definitely has not stopped growing yet) dwarf all of them put together. One glance around the room was enough to tell her that his brothers were also going through a similar, nervous train of thought.

Well, two of them were. The target of Raph's ire was doing his best to look as unrepentant as possible. She would have admired his composure in any other situation, but right now all she could feel was exasperation because now was not the time.

…okay. Okay. First things first.

April seizes an opening and wades in, planting herself between the guys. Shuts them both up before any more arguing can happen, and splits them up so that the tension in the room has space to let out. Raph, grumbling like an engine forced on standby, stomps to the garage. April sends Mikey to the kitchen to get something to sweeten the biggest brother's temper, then with Donnie at her side, wringing his hands as he provides a concise play-by-play of the evening to catch her up, she faces off with the fourth brother who has settled himself on the couch with nary a care in the world.

The things that make Leo the team's face man are also the things that make Leo difficult to level with when he does not feel like being serious. April, who likes straight lines in between points A and B, has to really reach for her patience for this one. Leo can and will talk circles around topics he doesn't want to touch and it's infuriating, but April's played this game with him before. There's a little moment in the bravado where he lets slip a little "Okay, yeah, I messed up, but—" and she sees some genuine regret on his face in the after of that thought. Small win, but she'll take it. 

Ultimately the conversation ends with Leo steering it in the direction he wants it to go, which isn't ideal, but April just lets it happen. She smacks him lightly on the head with an open palm, half-jokes about him being such a troublemaker, and half-threatens that he better think over his actions next time or he'll have her to deal with if it all goes to shit.

When she goes to check on Raph, he's working out his frustrations on a near-decimated training dummy. Mikey's treats are perched nearby, untouched. April grabs two and munches on one. The other she makes Raph take. She has to bully him a little to get him to do so, and the fact that he lets her is something she takes as a good sign.

Unlike with Leo, she's the one who leads this conversation. She asks questions, Raph answers. She sympathizes while he ruminates. Out of the four, April's always found it easiest to talk to Raph. While not always the sharpest tool in the shed, Raph at least was earnest and honest. They're a bit similar, in a way. Shared short fuses and explosive tempers borne from holding things in too tight. Once the anger passed though, you could count on it being gone.

There's a hesitation in his tone when he apologizes for his temper. Didn't want her to see that. Must have been scary, coming from a big guy like him, but Leo was really pushing him and he couldn't stop—

April ducks under his arm and draws him into a hug before the catch in his throat makes his words unintelligible.

She leaves him to tidy up and nearly runs into Splinter on her way out. Looked like he'd been hovering by the entrance to the garage for a while. April wonders why he didn't go in. She also wonders, more importantly, why he didn't intervene in the first place. Splinter responds vaguely. Says that he did, that he’d assumed everything was alright, but it started up again for some reason. He doesn't even go into the garage; just peeks in, notes his eldest, and then walks off to... wherever.

And look, April loves Splinter just as much as she loves the boys. He has been nothing but kind to her, and more besides. But... Maybe it's because he's so much older than her that she just doesn't get him sometimes? Maybe she doesn't get it yet because he's the adult here and she doesn't know all that much about being an adult. If he thought it was better to leave the boys alone to work things out, then maybe that was the best thing to do.

It's hard to understand though because at this moment she doesn’t think it was the best thing to do at all. It’s harder still to reconcile how he can be so close to the boys and yet so distant at the same time, given all they've been through. One day she'll have the guts to ask him why that is. Not today though. Today's already kind of a handful.

Speaking of which, the brother that usually fits that descriptor is right where she expects him to be. He asks her to pass the sugar when she enters the kitchen, and that's when April realizes that Raph's treats had been homemade. Because of course they were.

Mikey's more than a little happy to receive the praise she heaps on him. If he notices that she lays it on a little thicker than usual, he doesn't comment on it.

While Raph was yelling at Leo, Mikey had been right in between them, frozen in the act of holding Leo back, directly in the line of Raph's fire even though he himself was not the target. The look on his face back then had said everything.

And they don't talk about it. Instead April alternates between helping him out and trying to be sneaky about sampling the cookie dough. He's only half serious when he tells her off for the latter; she can tell because he lets her have the spatula when he's done with it. She would have helped him clean up afterwards, but he shoos her out with a fresh batch of treats and glassy eyes that are quick to look away.

Because April can take a hint, she makes a mental note to give him a hug at some point in the next 24 hours before she makes her way over to the last resident of the lair.

Donnie's right where she expects him to be, too. As usual he’s working on something, but he drops everything at the prospect of freshly baked goods. April dutifully clears up some space on the next table and pulls up a stool, while Donnie does the same. When they're comfortably situated in the cool quiet of his lab, he casually asks if she managed to settle his dumdum brothers.

After he'd given April that rundown of the events that sparked the latest Raph-Leo altercation earlier, Donnie had quietly removed himself from further confrontation. April hadn't missed the way those hands — steady now as they held up delicious Mikey-made treats — shook ever so slightly in the aftermath of Raph's rage. While Mikey had held back Leo, Donnie tried to do the same with Raph but with spectacularly less success. It's not like it was unexpected. With the exception of Splinter (and maybe even that was just on his best days), there was nobody in the lair who had the raw strength to match up to an angry, uninhibited Raph.

Facts don't hold much weight to a bruised ego, though. Donnie used to nurse his pride with tears back in the day, but that's long since been replaced by snark so prickly that anyone who didn't know him would think that he didn't care for his brothers at all.

April, who did know him, kept her mouth stuffed with pastry and let him vent. There's an art to the way he does it so it's not like it's not entertaining. She's well-practiced at playing the audience, nodding, frowning or vocalizing whatever emotional response the current line of conversation calls for at just the right moments. Donnie complains about everything that went wrong about the mission. He complains about Leo's antics and the extra work they have to do now to make sure that the Foot isn't planning anything crazy. When he complains about Raph, it's framed like less of a complaint and more an off-hand comment on how annoying it is to have a brother that big. He already has his hands full keeping the lair tech up to date, gathering information for their missions, keeping tabs on villains and juggling all of that with training and patrols so that he doesn't physically fall behind. Don't get him wrong, those are all things he is reasonably-to-confidently certain he can do.

But... that whole situation earlier? Well.

The eyebrows on his mask crease together as he crosses his arms over his chest and hunches over the table. Scrubs away at crumbs on his cheek as he admits to following Mikey's lead and feeling sheer panic when he realized too late that Mikey was just as lost as he was on how to handle things.

He startles when April tosses her handkerchief at his face.

"Guess it's a good thing I came along, huh?"

That earns her a soft chuckle and affirmation, sincere with a touch of sarcasm.

And because this is Donnie, she finds a way to steer the conversation to something less touchy-feely — which is easy since she actually did need his help. That herbicide wasn't gonna test itself. There was the matter of her phone too, which Donnie immediately ribs her about, and the rest of the evening evens out into the lair's usual calm.

Mikey comes in at one point to say goodnight and he pulls both April and a reluctant but pliant Donnie into a hug.

April keeps Donnie company until she finds herself drooping drowsily over her research. She’s not sure if it’s the sleep fog playing tricks or what but she could swear that he’d mumbled a “Thanks” just as the door to his lab slid shut behind her.

Before she retires to her room, she brings some blankets to Leo, who'd fallen asleep on the couch, belatedly realizing that someone else had beaten her to it and also left a small stuffed bear to keep the sleeping turtle company.

The next morning, bright and early, April nearly runs into a barely-awake Donnie, who seems to have just emerged from his lab since the last time she saw him. They walk to the kitchen where Mikey’s at the stove, cooking up breakfast (waffles) while whistling the Jupiter Jim theme song under his breath. The two that were at odds with one another the other evening are seated on opposite sides of the counter, not making eye contact but not actively sniping at each other either. Splinter serves everyone tea, which Donnie grumbles about until Leo plops a mug of freshly made coffee in front of him and asks what sciency madness kept him up this time.

It’s just April’s luck that Donnie decides to tell them about her phone right then. Naturally, they all take turns making fun of her because how could you break it, April, didn’t Donnie make that case out of, like, reinforced steel or something?

She has every right to be grumpy about all the ribbing, but you know what? It’s fine. She steals some of Donnie’s coffee, sweet talks Mikey into giving her the best waffles off the iron, and unapologetically dumps most of the good butter on her plate to the pleasant cacophony of teenage mutant ninja protests.

[petre-chose-violence]

The crit they linked is @ enderspawn’s c!techno-critical tag.

Wait, do you mean the entire tag? Did this person went "Just read a book" on you? Like, literally they went "check out this ENTIRE TAG and maybe you'll change your mind" instead of referring to specific points and posts? Bruh. The only way this is not just an elaborate way to say "fuck off" is if the are enderspawn themselves, lmao, but even then it's a dick move

I, mean, I promised to diss these takes, so I'll do my best, but my endurance is not eternal so I will probably not cover the ENTIRE THING.

And to my followers - don't you fucking dare dogpile enderspawn. I know there is probably not enough of you to do that, and I know that a lot of you are reasonable ppl, but if I am wrong about that hear me out - please don’t do any personal attacks and stuff. That’s a no no. Don’t even go and mass disagree with their takes.

Also @ enderspawn, or someone they reblog takes from, if you are reading this, I don't want to start any beef and I have nothing against most of you personally (yet). If you want to respond to this in any way, go ahead. I’m all about having a debate with reasonable people and clowning on unreasonable ones so It’s a win-win for me either way. Also feel free to ignore this if you want, you are not obligated to talk to anybody on the internet. The reason I am doing this is because this anon asked for help, not any form of personal attack.

I am not linking any posts I am responding to because this is more of a c!Techno defense masterpost rather then a diss.

/rp

Ok, formalities out of the way, lets go.

Doomsday Betrayal

So first we have a short take on how it’s wrong to frame Tommy’s betrayal on Doomsday as a betrayal because Techno did the same on Nov 16. This is funny because imagine if I turned it around and said that denying that Tommy’s betrayal is a betrayal while calling Nov 16 that is hypocritical (I actually might do that now). Newsflash - both of these are betrayal, and newflash 2 - an act of betrayal has no inherit moral vailue, it is given to it by context. Techno on Nov 16, Tommy on Doomsday, Quackity joining Pogtopia, Tubbo joining Pogtopia, Punz joining Tommy, Sam joining Tommy, Ranboo apologizing to Techno, Fundy and Niki going against L’manburg on Doomsday - All of these could be put under the “betrayal” umbrella and are good acts at the same time.

Also the difference between these specific examples is that Techno actually contributed to Pogtopia’s cause. /hj

Anyway my take is that Tommy’s betrayal was good for him and his mental health, reconnecting with Tubbo and all that. But, especially considering the circumstances such as being surrounded by enemies and not giving Techno his stuff back, it also was a huge dick move towards Techno and he has every right to be salty.

Also “Tommy apologized” to save his ass after being caught stealing from Techno. “Tommy feels guilty” Techno has no idea.

Technoblade uses his power over people

One of the hypocrisy takes, that for someone who doesn’t like tyranny techno too often uses his power over people to get things his way. Funny because Techno has zero power over people, he can’t even intimidate them properly, the only thing he has going for him is his fighting skill, and a couple of friends as of pretty recent.

Ok, but why using his fighting skills doesn’t make him a tyrant? Because he doesn’t benefit from it. He gets nothing out of destroying tyrannies - no wealth, no power. The only thing he gets from this is a giant neon sign that says “kill this if you want to be a government” over his head. He doesn’t even demand ppl to do something, he just wants them to not 1) be tyrants 2) threaten him, his friends, his pets. There is a difference.

Technoblade doesn’t feel remorse

Except when he does.

Technoblade teamed up with a tyrant and abuser (Dream)

Lol. Yea, Techno had no idea. Going from “Tommy is alone and afraid of an enemy that is much stronger then him in every way” to “Dream abused Tommy” is actually a giant leap to make. Tommy’s “I don’t know if he [Dream] is my friend” could give it away, but again, this just as well could be a complicated relationship.

Same about tyranny bit. For all Techno knows Dream is just some guy who everyone hates for some reason. Nobody ever bothered to tell him that he was a tyrant. “I am more of a president then you” kinda sus, but they were dissing Tubbo there.

And even without that this is a stupid argument because Techno would’ve destroyed L’mnaburg either way, Dre just happened to be offering his help at the time. I mean Tommy also teamed up with Dream for the Battle of the Lake, I don’t see any crit about that.

Holy fuck this is the same post and I am already tired I will return to this after a short break (probaly) in a form of a reblog.

[self-proclaimed-chaotic-good]

Moral Support | Diego Hargreeves x Reader (Oneshot)

Prompt: Hurt/Comfort

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy

Words: 1572

Warning: TUA Season 2 Ep 6 Spoilers

-

Diego told you to wait in the car, but of course you weren’t going to listen and he knew that. He had even rolled his eyes when you said you will, followed by the slam of the car door. You waited until they were all inside before you made your way in. You knew what floor it was, so you could just simply use the stairs and your abilities to catch up.

As you walked into the grand lobby, you looked up and smirked. Or you could just fly up. You closed your eyes and concentrated, your long coat turning into wings and as you opened your eyes, they were black like an eagle’s. With a bend of the knees you jumped up with your arms wide open, feeling yourself fly past the floors until you reached your destination. You landed on the railing and made your way to the elevator.

You were planning a grand entrance, but as the metal doors opened, a strong stench flooded the corridor. You shrunk back and cough, making way for the others to flee the confinement.

“Happy that you came?” Diego teased.

“Shut up,” you muttered, shoving his shoulder.

“Come on, let's go. And let me do all the talking, alright,” Five said, walking ahead towards the Tiki Lounge. “And, (Y/n), this is a family matter-”

“I’ll stay out of it for as much as possible,” you said, raising your hands, “No problem, old man.”

“Thank you,” he said, fixing his jacket, “Though I highly doubt that you’ll follow through, at least you're the sensible one. I know you won’t say anything without reason.”

“Whoa,” Luther said defensively.

The others debated who should talk first and how to go about facing their father while you stood to the side, sitting yourself next to Diego. You sighed when Diego chucked the conch that Vanya suggested to use across the room, already getting a bad feeling about this meeting.

“You tried,” you told Vanya, “And I think it would have worked with an even tempered group.”

With the slam of the doors, the group fell silent, watching a younger Reginald Hargreeves stride over towards the head of the table with a book in hand. They all took their seats, an uneasiness washing over them. It had been years since they’ve faced their abusive father, so you couldn’t blame them. Yet, this version of their father doesn’t even know the trauma that he had brought to them in the future.

You kept your promise so far and stayed silent, listening in to their discussion. That is, until Hargreeves wanted them to prove their powers. For a while, you thought you could get away with it by sitting back, but he turned to you.

“And you?” he asked.

“Thankfully, I’m not one of your adopted children,” you said, sipping on your pina colada.

“Then why are you here at this important meeting?” he demanded, staring you down condescendingly. “You have no business here.”

“Moral support?”

Hargreeves scoffed and was about to retort when Diego snapped. He leaned forward. “Look, we know that you’re involved in the plot to assassinate the president,” he started.

You sighed, shaking your head. You told him that Hargreeves being there didn’t mean that he conspired JFK’s assassination. Correlation does not prove causation, but Diego was dead set sure that his dear old dad was up to no good.

“You were recently hospitalized, isn’t that correct?” Hargreeves said. Diego shook his head, knowing where he was going with this. “You still seem to be suffering with delusions of grandeur and acute paranoia.”

“Am I?” Diego took out the photo taken from the Frankel Footage and pointed at it. “Explain this. That’s you. That’s two days from now on the grassy knoll at the exact same spot that the president is gonna get shot.”

Hargreeves took the photo and eyed Diego critically. “Well… I suppose you solved it, then. You single handedly unearthed my nefarious plot. Is that what you want to hear?”

You grabbed Diego's arm, urging him to sit back down, but he shrugged you off. You looked towards his siblings for help, but they were as silent as you were, watching the scene unfold. There was no need for your powers for the extra boost in your senses to tell that Hargreeves was getting to him. Hearing him continuing to criticize Diego might also be getting to the others as well, even Vanya, who was lowering her head.

As the insults kept hitting, the cold hard truths in the form of knives stabbing Diego over and over in the wounds that hadn’t quite healed, he slowly slunk down in his seat. This time, you gripped his arm and he let you as he shook.

“-A man in over his head!” Hargreeves concluded.

“Y-y-you’re w-w-wro-ng,” Diego managed to reply.

You knew Diego had been cut deep when he started stuttering again.“Okay! Time for my role as moral support,” you said, setting down your drink. “Listen, Reggie. Diego is someone who wants to save people and save the world because he’s a kind and compassionate person that wants to do good, not because he’s a calculative soldier following orders from a man who shows more affection to his experimental ape than his own adopted human children. The fact that the apocalypse could have been prevented had you been a goddamn father for them says a lot about you and what you think you’re achieving, so I suggest you hold off your tactless psychological analysis, that is clearly not going to give you any positive results, to yourself and listen to them for once. Thank you.”

“(Y/n),” Five said, reaching over to grab your shoulder.

“What?”

He pointed up at lights hanging over the table. Small black dots were falling down and landing on the table, crawling towards Hargreeves. Black widows. Your tongue tapped your incisors, confirming that fangs had grown. You looked around at the table, no one but Five and Diego meeting your eyes. You took a deep breath, feeling the fangs retreat along with the small spiders.

It was Diego’s turn to pull you down and you let him. He squeezed your arm in a sign of gratitude. You nodded, then looked back at Five. Once he knew you were calm, he pushed the discussion forward about the upcoming Doomsday.

Hargreeves was condescending as ever, acting as if it wasn’t his problem to deal with. Klaus began to act weird and you closed your eyes, switching them to cat eyes. Although cats can’t see ghosts as clearly as Klaus, they have an awareness of where they are. Ben was here.

You rushed over as Klaus collapsed, managing to let out a faint confirmation that Ben was trying to possess him. After Luther’s outburst, showing Hargreeves what he had done to him, Hargreeves simply dismissed him and walked around you as you heaved Klaus up. He eyed you curiously before continuing forward, requesting to speak to Five in private.

“Come on, big guy,” you said, “Help me?”

Luther stood there, dumbfounded, before snapping out of it, picking up Klaus with ease and dragging him all the way to the elevator. He propped him against the back wall and the others piled in, Diego being the last one and the nearest of the door.

“Congratulations,” Allison said to Luther.

“For what?”

“I think that was the first time ever that you stood up to dad,” she said, sounding impressed and Luther hadn’t realized about that until now.

“Are you okay?” Vanya asked Diego.

He was silent for a moment, looking at you, then glancing at the others over his shoulders. “So much for having my back in there,” he muttered, “Team Zero, my ass. At least (Y/n) said something, and they haven’t even met the guy before.”

“Dee, I’m pretty sure the only reason I could say anything, that I was the only one that could say anything, was because I never met him before,” you said, defending the others. “It’s not completely their fault. I wasn’t the one that had to grow up with his toxic bullshit, okay? You guys did. I give you guys credit for even coming all the way here in the first place to face him.”

“Well, you gave us too much credit,” he said, walking out as soon as the doors opened.

You muttered your farewells to the others before rushing after Diego. You stopped him outside by the curb, grabbing his arm. He whipped around and pointed a finger at you in warning.

“Diego, he’s an asshole. That’s a massive understatement,” you said, “but all those things he said does not change all that you’ve accomplished on your own. You survived with the cards that you were dealt with. You saved people.” Diego shook his head, turning to walk away but you held firm. “You saved me, remember?”

“Thought you said that you had that situation handled,” he said, his cheekiness slowly getting back.

“I’m not afraid anymore to admit that I needed a little help back then,” you said, “I’m always here if you need to talk, Dee.”

Diego sighed, closing his eyes and pressed his forehead against yours. “I know.”

He opened his eyes and saw a familiar figure moving in the parking lot. Just like that, he was off. And, like always, you made sure he didn’t go and get himself killed.

[danwhobrowses]

AEW: All Out 2021 - Initial Reaction and Thoughts

I have kept so far off of social media it's not funny And I hope you know how difficult that is being a QA tester

But AEW is back in Chicagoland, there'll be homecomings, title defenses and one would bet some new faces, so without further ado let's get to it

Spoilers on the PPV, watch it on BR or Fite then come back

As I did with Summerslam, I will be marking who I predicted to win in Italics so we can see how right or wrong I was. I also must confess even radio silence could not save me from learning about 1 debut, but it was one I had anticipated.

The Buy In

As usual we started with promo package overkill, but they did right by starting with CM Punk's one because it is a great package - also the video was good.

Half an hour later - which we could've fit one or two matches in - we get to the first match.

Jurassic Express (Jungle Boy & Luchasaurus) and Best Friends (Chuck Taylor, Orange Cassidy & Wheeler Yuta) [w/Marko Stunt] def. HFO (Matt Hardy, Private Party & TH2) [w/The Blade] (Submission on Angelico by Jungle Boy via Snare Trap) Well that was a mouthful. Our quickly put-together clusterfuck started with the HFO coming out quickly, then the Pixies coming out with a nice pop as Orange grabbed a sign hoping that Trent gets well soon. Baltimora had the bigger pop because everyone loves Baltimora, and Jungle Boy, also I loved the sign 'Jurassic Times demand Jurassic Measures'.

Matt and Chuck start but Matt demands OC to come out, Chuck tries to lock up but gets kicked away, and tags in Yuta, who gets thrown in the corner too, so Yuta tags Orange in...and Orange tags Luchasaurus in XD Hardy isn't too willing to try and shove the big dino man and tags in Jack Evans, who gets thrown around. JB gets tagged in, showing off his skillset with the rope flip arm drag and an inch perfect dropkick. Yuta and Kassidy are tagged in next, but Yuta's baited into Quen's blind tag, leading into Angelico to be tagged in. Yuta escapes a wristlock and turns it into an Octopus Stretch, but Evans puts him in an Ankle Lock, so Taylor puts him in a chinlock, so Kassidy climbs on a backpack sleeper, JB then latches an Ankle Lock, so Quen locks in the Cravat, Luchasaurus is out next, assessing who to hit and just decides to tackle them all apart. Proper Indy spot that was.

Luchasaurus is now playing like a hot tag, chop one man, drop the other, chop the one man, drop the other, Kassidy hits his high pitch scream as the big man comes back around to Jack Evans, hitting that wonderfully brutal Chokesault GTS he used to murder Fuego that one time (they didn't name the move, so I'm calling it the Extinction Event). Luchasaurus now stalks Hardy, but Hardy is using himself to distract the big man from Private Party's blindside, he stops them with a chokeslam setup but Hardy hits the chop block, leading to a kick combo from PP and driven into the ring post. Cassidy comes up behind all 3 next though, Superkicks of Death for each of them, Hardy's beside himself from this relentless assault and tries to charge OC, but Cassidy turns it into a Waistlock to push Hardy through the ropes. PP take advantage though, flatliner into Kassidy's knees, then a Standing Shooting Star Press Sandwiching Cassidy again. Taylor comes out next, dodging PP and then using Quen's charge as a release Suplex into Kassidy who was sitting in the lower corner. TH2 run into the DDT/Flatliner combo and then PP are taken out by Taylor's Tope Con Hilo while Yuta splashes Angelico - but Evans breaks it up.

TH2 then hit Yuta with some combos; Back/Neckbreaker, then a launch into Evans' boots, but Taylor breaks up the pin. PP throw Taylor out next though, hitting the Gin n Juice on Yuta, Angelico makes the pin but OC kinda half-heartedly shoves Angelico to break the pin, dragging Yuta in the corner as he puts in the pockets. Two lariat dodges lead to a no hands headscissors on Angelico, a 2 for 1 hurricanrana on PP and a dropkick kip up on Evans, Hardy though sneaks up and hits the Twist of Fate. But his focus is on the illegal man, Yuta tags in JB while Taylor dumps Hardy out, both Taylor and Yuta then Tope on PP, but they don't get much and PP roll back in with Angelico. Crowd firmly behind JB he misses the rebound lariat on Kassidy but recovers by sweeping Quen, Brainbuster on Kassidy as Angelico comes to, JB kicks him to his knees, Evans comes out but he kicks Evans into Angelico, Evans punches JB away as Angelico stands up with Evans on his shoulder, but this only acts as a threat to Luchasaurus who lifts JB on his shoulders, both men trading blows with JB clotheslining Evans off of Angelico.

Quen though looks to use this as a Doomsday Device setup, but JB matrix dodges it, so Kassidy now tries a crossbody, which JB reverses into a Spanish Fly/Moonsault Fallaway Slam (I've only ever seen such a counter in Lucha Underground when Cage reversed the Doomsday Device into a twisting powerslam, I popped for that as well). Luchasaurus is left standing but the Blade threatens involvement, so he eats a Pump Kick, Marko then climbs on Luchasaurus' shoulders and dives on the Blade. Tail Whip by Luchasaurus and then the Snare Trap by JB ends the match.

Post match Jurassic Express leave so Best Friends can Give The People What They Want™ but TH2 jump Yuta and PP jump Taylor, Evans delays Orange for a bit as a hulking figure marches into the ring. Big Bad Butch is back in the game, beheading OC with a lariat before his patented knee steps. He throws OC down as the heels look to swarm OC, but Jurassic Express, Varsity Blonds, Dante Martin, 10 and John Silver make the save. Assisted by the Jurassic Express, Best Friends give the Blonds, Dante, 10 and Silver What The People Want™ much to Silver's giddy elation. JB also looks killer in OC's shades as OC 'climbs' the corners to gesture the crowd.

It was a fun ass indy match to get the crowd hot, it could never try to top Deeb/Riho so it didn't, it did surprise me that it didn't lean too much on the Best Friends/HFO narrative but that was proven to be due to Butcher's return post-match. Last thing this kinda pointless feud needs though is more bodies, maybe being outnumbered will cause Hardy to back off? I mean does anyone remember what they were fighting over? I think this started with Kris and Bunny maybe? It's ran it's course is all.

Afterwards we got a sneak peak of the Rhodes' latest vanity project 'Rhodes to the Top'. Doesn't really interest me tbf I don't wanna see Total AEW Divas you know? I feel like it's just gonna make both of the Rhodes' look bad and since Hana Kimura I have little patience for pseudo-reality and forced drama.

Dan Lambert interrupts commentary from the crowd flanked by 3 UFC fighters and the Men of the Year (I still prefer ScorpEgo). They seem to have threatened to do something later in the show. JR gets his introduction and the PPV begins!

Main Card

It never ceases to make me smile that AEW still uses the 'And you know what that means' to start their shows.

TNT Championship Miro (c) def. Eddie Kingston (Pinfall via Matchka Kick) The announcement of the title match was met with a big roar from the crowd as the Chicago natives were firmly behind Kingston, even having a 'Redeem Deez Nuts' sign AND Shirt. Miro got a nice pop too, signs also pick the perfect spot with Miro because before it was 'Miro vs Ishii When?' and this time it's 'We want AJ and Punk vs CJ and Miro'. Eddie shows no intimidation, even happy and goading the Redeemer into the fight.

Miro makes the charge but runs into a knee to the gut, but he trips Kingston to try and latch on Game Over, Kingston wriggles out and tries the Half Nelson Suplex but Miro powers out and rolls out of the ring. Both men pace as Kingston holds the early advantage, shimmying his shoulders with the fans' clapping, Miro catches the kick but Kingston just pokes the eyes instead, chops to the corner, then machine gun chops to the next corner, Miro tries to grapple but Kingston thrusts him with an Exploder. Miro's rattled out the ring, so Eddie follows, but runs into a kick and is thrown into the barricade, body tackle and superkick by Miro as he again throws Kingston into the opposite barricade, but Kingston rebounds and retaliates with a big boot and returns to the ring.

Knowing he can't win by Countout, Kingston looks to dive at Miro from the apron, but his charge is countered into a twisting powerslam onto the exercise mats, Miro focuses on the back, driving it into the ring post twice but it's not even 1. Miro then focuses on the hand, biting and stomping it, knowing that this nullifies grip, chops and the Uraken, he chokes Kingston on the ropes before another kick to the spine. As Miro stares at the crowd Kingston grits his teeth and stands back up, slapping Miro's beard in hopes of a comeback before being smacked with a forearm. Two Sliding Elbow Drops only gets one, Miro then wears Eddie with a choke but Eddie powers back, couple of chops but he can't lift for the Suplex, allowing Miro to hit a high end dropkick, he soaks in the boos for a bit then body charges Kingston in the corner, he eats a retaliation chop by Kingston, but the second one makes him wince. May've been a miscommunication next, Miro looked like he body charged Kingston who was leaving the corner, but he quickly missed the corner splash, if it was a miscommunication it was well-recovered. Enzugiri by Kingston and a sliding uppercut knocks Miro out the ring, but the Suicide Dive is intercepted by an Enzugiri by Miro. Kingston recovers with a Saito Suplex but both men are reeling.

Miro gets up first, hitting Kingston with forearms and pulling him up, once Kingston's on his feet though he starts getting his fire back, trades of forearms and chops ends with two Side slams for 2. He goes for the Uraken but Miro rolls out the ring on sight, only to eat a Suicide dive. Miro misses the pump kick back in the ring and gets hit with a Fisherman's Suplex pinfall for 2. Crowd is hot behind Kingston, but he's lured into the corner charge so Miro can pummel at the back, Kingston tries to hold onto the turnbuckle pad but rips it off as Miro German's him, Matchka kick floors Eddie, as Miro devilishly smiles with half his chest bruised by chops. He calls for the Game Over, but before he cinches back Kingston starts moving to the ropes, he gets the regular Accolade version which allows Eddie to free an arm and grab the rope.

Crowd is getting really loud now as Miro gets more frustrated, he grabs the Turnbuckle pad but throws it away in reconsideration, opening him up for Eddie to strike: Uraken, DDT! But the Ref was disposing of the turnbuckle pad, gifting that extra few seconds for Miro to kick out at 2. Crowds kayfabe chant 'you fucked up' at the ref while Kingston prepares for the piledriver, but his back gives in twice making him opt for knee strikes to the head. He sees the exposed turnbuckle and prepares to drive Miro into it, but the ref stands in the way - knowing it'd lead to a DQ. The position we know well as Miro uses his frame to obscure the Ref's vision from the heel kick low blow, a clean roundhouse to the head staggers Eddie more and then the Matchka allows the 3.

Strong opener, good narrative of both men exposing the weak points of the other's body parts. The low blow is a bit cheap but it creates the paradox of Miro's holier than thou attitude. Kingston still proves himself strong in defeat, and as I anticipated AEW didn't make him tap out, so the continuity of his I Quit feud with Moxley remains intact, with Miro pushed this far and having to cheat it also sells Kingston as more than capable of being Miro's equal. Miro will have W no. 7 now, and it remains a prize waiting for a young prospect to crack open.

Jon Moxley def. Satoshi Kojima (Pinfall via Death Rider) Kojima got a loud welcome from Chicago but they sang for Moxley as he came down the crowd in a GCW hoodie - sadly no GCW belt which he won recently from Matt Cardona. Bell rings and Kojima offers a handshake, but Moxley is a man of his word, the bell rang so he has no respect, and offers a middle finger instead.

Stiff chops and forearms start the physicality, both men get a kick to the gut but it's Kojima who gets the early advantage with a shoulder tackle and a titty dance next to the titty master. Koji Lariat is avoided by Mox who flees the ring, but Kojima flattens him with a Tope, Moxley elbows Kojima away when the NJPW legend attempts to return to the ring and delivers a suicide dive of his own, Russian Leg Sweep onto the barricade and then Moxley attacks the hand. Knees to the head then a chop in the corner keeps Moxley's confidence high, but Kojima barrages him with Machine gun chops, throwing Moxley into the corner then landing the Elbow Drop for an early 2. Forearms are countered with a backwards slam, he calls for the Brainbuster but Kojima holds his ground, reversing it to put Moxley on the top turnbuckle. Moxley bites at Kojima, so Kojima bites back and lands the Superplex. Both men fight on the Apron before Kojima hits Mox with a forward falling DDT on the apron, DDT back in the ring for another 2 as duelling chants for Mox and Kojima divides the crowd.

Bleeding from the elbow, Mox counters a Koji Cutter with a Choke, twisting it into a Money Clip for 2, then transitioning to a Cross Armbreaker. Kojima gets a leg to the rope but Moxley knees him in the face, Kojima prevents the Paradigm Shift and hits a Brainbuster for 2, Koji Lariat again is averted but this time with a German. Mox tries two standing lariats, but Kojima won't fall, he tries a running lariat but Kojima collides it with a lariat of his own, staggering Moxley, Kojima feels that third time's the charm but Moxley gets a high knee, tries the Paradigm Shift again but this time is countered by a short-arm lariat and a Koji Cutter. Both men trade blows, Moxley uses the ropes but runs into a Discus but roars back with a Rebound Lariat for 2, as Kojima rolls though it's straight into the Bulldog Choke that Kojima gets to the ropes to break.

Moxley rethinks his strategy by kicks to the gut, but he's caught and hit with Mongolian Chops, Moxley headbutts him away long enough to twist Kojima's charge into a rolling Paradigm Shift, Moxley gestures to the crowd, picks him up for the Death Rider for 3.

After the match Moxley shows his respect, bows to Kojima and looks to take a breather, but the music has changed.

The King

Minoru Suzuki

Crowd Roars alive as Moxley looks in disbelief, but the sound is real, the Kaze ni Nare is real and oh baby, Minoru Suzuki is Damn Real. Suzuki makes sure the crowd is ready, but they were born ready as Kaze ni Nare erupts from the building, Murder Grandpa vs Moxley II looks imminent as they stare each other down. Suzuki looks ready for a fight though, hitting Mox with a forearm, Moxley retaliates with the bleeding elbow, Moxley's blood only adds to Suzuki's scoffing as he returns fire, Suzuki goes for a big boot but Moxley laughs it off and goes for a Lariat, but Suzuki holds ground too, Moxley tries again but Suzuki locks him into the Rear Naked Choke, fading Moxley enough to hit the Gotch Piledriver and placing his foot over the prone Moxley.

We knew AEW were put in a corner when Tanahashi was unable to fulfill the planned match with Moxley, and major props to Kojima too for stepping up, Moxley definitely worked to show off Kojima's strengths in the match but not too much to feel like Mox was fully in danger, both men still had an ace in the hole. Mox's victory though only elevates Suzuki's arrival more for the crowd, giving the anticipated rematch time to build where Kojima's match could not.

AEW Women's Championship Dr. Britt Baker DMD (c) [w/Rebel 'Reba' Tanea & Jamie Hayter] def. Kris Statlander [w/Orange Cassidy] (Ref Stoppage Submission via Lockjaw) Statlander appeared in what looked a bit like a remodified version of her gear that she wore in her clunky title match with Nyla years ago, backed by the Best Friends in grey tracksuits (could be the lighting I think that was supposed to be 'space tracksuits'). Baker has added white to her gear and still has the crowd fully behind her, while Jamie also has a new baseball-ish shirt.

Wristlocks are traded to start the match, each switching by rolls or cartwheels, Baker rolls backwards to try and apply the Lockjaw but Statlander wriggles out and motions to a headlock, Baker pulls the hair to get Kris to release the hold and tries a sunset flip, but has to backtrack when Statlander tries her new 'Spider Crab' submission move she submitted Reba to on Rampage. Statlander motions to boop but Britt takes the arm to try and set up another Lockjaw, Statlander rolls out but Baker now motions DMD - which prompts Statlander to grab the arm and use it to boop Baker with her own hand. Shoulder tackle proves the Alien's strength, so Baker uses kicks and a headlock to try and cut her down, she whips her to the turnbuckle but Statlander remains composed and elbows her away, then doing a headstand on the turnbuckle to Mule Kick Baker away, Baker takes advantage of a slow climb to hit Statlander with a Draping Spinning Fisherman Neckbreacker and kicks Statlander out the ring. Hayter and Rebel look to stalk Statlander but OC struts up sunglasses half down with the most 'bruh' stare he can muster, Baker behind him looking confused as hell.

The pause does not disrupt Baker's momentum, her kick from the apron is caught, but she stomps on the hair so Kris lands face first on the apron. Baker assumes control with stomps, a suplex, forearms to the back of the head and then an Octopus hold, Kris powers back with strikes, driving Baker into the corner, running elbow and a running knee gets Kris going but Baker hits back with a Sling Blade, kinda scuffed the stomp attempt but it didn't look like it was meant to happen as Statlander hits the Fisherman's Falcon Arrow for 2. Short-arm Lariat hits once but not the second, as Baker weaves and contorts into a backslide for 2, a planted DDT follows as Statlander pulls an RVD-esque sell but that also only gets 2.

Baker looks annoyed at the hardcam, superkick to Statlander who's on her knees as Reba provides her with the glove. Baker toys with Kris with kicks to the head, but Baker catches the big Superkick and cracks Baker with a kick of her own, sets up the Big Bang Theory but Baker rolls up for 2, Statlander tries to recover with a corner charge but Baker hits the turnbuckle flatliner. She climbs up top, but Statlander recovers, this one was a light botch: Kris looked to go for a delayed superplex but Baker was falling back to the turnbuckle, so in an attempt to gain more leverage she leaned back too far and followed with the Superplex, Kris looked to have hurt her head a little but nothing drastic. Undeterred, Statlander tries the Area 451, but Baker dodges and prepares the Lockjaw, Statlander struggles enough though for Baker to transition to a Crossface, so Statlander lifts her up, eventually scrambling to an Electric Chair position for the Facebuster, Scissor Kick only gets 2.

Baker this time rolls out the ring, and avoids Statlander's Pendulum Moonsault - hard landing for Kris there - which allows Baker to hit a Stomp on the outside, using the steel steps to get some extra height. Baker seeks a countout win as Statlander's floored, OC though in a desperate move uncharacteristically removes his shades and shouts 'Stat! Get Up!' to will her back into the ring, Baker tries Lockjaw but Statlander rolls it into a Spider Crab. It...still doesn't look too great honestly, the setup needs more like a Powerbomb and it'd probably work better is the opponent was either lifted a little (like Shida's Fullmetal Muffler) or their head was backwards like a Boston Crab, regardless Baker frees a leg to kick Statlander away. Scraping kicks to Statlander's face in the corner draws the ire of the ref, who Baker shoves away to deal more stomps and gain some heat. Pittsburgh Sunrise (it's the Panama Sunrise but she's from Pittsburgh) gets a huge pop, 1, 2, No! Baker then hits the Stomp, 1, 2, No! Lockjaw then gets applied and the ref stops the match.

Really good match from these two. It wasn't much a doubt over whether Baker would retain but this was definitely a redemption of sorts from Statlander. Her last title match with Nyla didn't hit the mark and it did harm her momentum and confidence, but she came out here strong and very well received against the super-over Baker, Statlander lost nothing in defeat and proved she can deliver on PPV and be a future champion.

Andrade El Idolo interview segment Andrade was asked whether he was behind PAC's 'travel issues' which has delayed their much-anticipated match to Rampage, and Andrade pleas innocence because he was ready for a fight on PPV, he undermines PAC for being a smaller name compared to him as well and offers to pay for PAC's flight for Rampage to ensure the match goes forward. Chavo suggests that PAC is scared of Andrade and mocks the Lucha Bros for refusing their services.

AEW World Tag Championship Steel Cage Match Lucha Bros [w/ Alex Abrahantes] def The Young Bucks [w/Brandon Cutler] (pinfall by Pentat on Nick via Assisted Package Piledriver) - TITLE CHANGE!! Announcement that the tag titles are next drew a big pop as the cage descended. Interesting to note as well that Cage Escape is not a win stipulation. A live performance for the Lucha Bros with masked and robed dancers, the singers were quite accurate to how they sound on track so that was good, Lucha Bros arrived in Aztec headwear and then hilariously varsity jackets which did not clash at all, Alex though with the red suit. Under the jackets, Penta sports Mexico colours while Fénix has flames on his tights. A round of boos follow the Bucks' entrance, wearing some red at the front badges at the back thing which is somehow less in-your-face as past gears, they are flanked by Gallows in an Elite Shirt, Anderson in a Bullet Club shirt, Brandon in the obscured back in a zebra print tracksuit and Don Callis in a pink suit. Also god Nick what is that beard? It's like he's bleached the Hogan tache blonde but kept the rest of the beard, kinda like Scott Steiner but worse. Don joined commentary as well.

The match starts with throwing hands, but strangely the Bucks try to climb out the cage to start, which commentary does note confusion over. Fénix dropkicks them into the steel with the assist from Penta, some liquid tag team dodging still goes Lucha Bros' way with simultaneous corner Enzugiris, Nick looks to get an advantage by knocking away Penta but Fénix dropkicks him back into the steel, kicking Matt in the jaw as he did a turnbuckle headstand after his charge missed too. Fénix gets Matt's hand for a corner arm drag, but Nick has the same idea with Penta, they meet on the same turnbuckle so Fénix instead Rana's Nick, Lucha Bros remain firmly in control with the lower ass dropkick (they called it something but I didn't catch the first word) and then stereo superkicks, two throws head first into the steel and then a tackle should've been enough, but the Bucks moved out of the way for the fourth attack causing the Lucha Bros to land into the steel themselves.

The Bucks assume some control now, hitting the brothers with the corner-to-corner Double Stomp and Backstabber, a dropkick sandwiches Penta's head between Matt's boot and the steel, as he slumps in the small gap between the cage and apron, and then Fénix gets the same with a nasty landing from the powerbomb into the cage wall - Penta hit with a PK to keep him down. The Bucks posture as they find their groove, Matt choking Fénix with a chain while Nick continues to wear down Penta. They try to powerbomb Fénix again into the cage, but Fénix hurricanrana's Matt into the steel instead, Nick eats 2 Sling Blades and then Matt a Backstabber from Penta for 2, broken by Nick. Fénix then defies logic again, doing his usual setup for the flipping arm drag but this time using the cage wall to kick off and arm drag Matt instead of Nick, he rolls away from Nick's senton who runs into Penta's tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, their stereo superkicks though are avoided and kick each other instead.

Cutters are traded next, Nick to Fénix, Penta to Nick, Matt's to Penta was slick, Fénix's handspring though is scouted as they try to throw him overhead, but he lands on his feet and lands the Rolling Double Cutter. Penta lets Fénix hit a Superkick on Matt before hitting the Pentagon Driver (which Excalibur still calls Made in Japan, currentish IWGP World Heavyweight Champion Shingo Takagi's move - ish depending on if you're asking Will Ospreay or not) but it's only a 2. Fénix whistles to his brother like a dog to set up the Fear Factor, but Nick pushes Fénix into the cage and Matt flips out, Penta now in the Sharpshooter as Fénix has a nasty landing on the apron from a German Suplex. Commentary reminds that there's no rope breaks, so Fénix has to kick through Nick to get a kick on Matt to break the hold, now the Bucks use the Draping Swanton but it's only 2, Fénix tries fighting back, but the Bucks hit a double Superkick when he springs up, causing him to bounce off the cage wall again.

With Fénix in between, the Bucks do what looked more like a Fear Factor variant of the Indytaker, Nick dropkicking Penta on the tombstone so he can land a senton on Fénix, both cover each brother but only get 2 a piece. Crowd tries to will the Lucha Bros alive as the Bucks set Fénix up for the BTE Trigger, but like on Dynamite Fénix rolls away so the Bucks' knees clash instead, he tries a Springboard Crossbody but the brothers Jackson catch him, looking to set up the Meltzer Driver, but Fénix wriggles away, pushing Matt into Nick who rebounds off the cage, Matt low blows both of the Lucha Bros to disrupt their momentum with Callis noting that it's all legal.

More Bang For Your Buck's pinfall is broken at 2 by a Penta superkick to Matt, annoyed the Bucks now focus on the masks of the Lucha Bros and then Lawn Darts Fénix into the cage wall. Motioning to Cutler, Brandon throws a bag over the cage into the ring (would've been funnier if he failed the first time), Matt takes his shoe off and I blood left my face with flashbacks of Candice LeRae - and lo it was just that: the Thumbtack Shoe - a $5000 variation. Penta's already bleeding as Matt stalks Fénix, but Penta stands between Matt and his brother, taking the blow for him (cameras missed the impact though which was a shame), focusing on Penta now, Nick prepares to throw him headfirst into Matt's Tack Shoe, but Penta just about holds his ground to stop...but not for the second time, his mask 'stuck' on the tacks as Matt digs the shoe further into Penta's head and then Nick drives in with a Helluva Kick.

Penta's pooling with blood now as the Bucks prepare a BTE Trigger, but Fénix is standing up now, so they hit him with a tacked Superkick and a Poison Rana, BTE Trigger on Penta, 1, 2, NO! Fénix just reached out in time to break the count. Both Lucha Brothers are bleeding as Alex is willing the crowd on, Matt takes the shoe off to use it like a belt shot, but Fénix kicks it away, the Bird of War has come to life as he reverses Nick's back body drop into a Hurricanrana onto Matt. Matt's put on the turnbuckle and Nick's kicked away, Fénix spots the Tack Shoe and clubs Nick in the head with it, then Matt, Blackfire Driver! 1, 2, NO! Lucha Bros look for the Fear Factor, so Nick again tries to throw Fénix into the cage wall, this time though Fénix latches onto the cage wall, so Nick decides to climb too. Matt and Penta yank their opponent down, staring each other down and hitting stereo Package Piledrivers. Now Matt and Penta collide, they're up on the turnbuckle where Penta realises something: they've gone through this whole match without a Canadian Destroyer, and it's time to rectify that.

The Super Destroyer is not pinned though, all four men wobbling as they chop each other (at this point Penta's practically unmasked, only blood obscures his face), then they trade superkicks, a second round though leaves Matt the quicker foot and still standing, but Fénix kips up and knocks him with a superkick too, then Nick does that to Fénix, then Penta does that to Nick, and Matt and Penta double clothesline. Fénix and Nick fight next, Nick does a flip escape but Fénix rocks him with his Tiger Feint Rebound Roundhouse into Penta, Fear Factor! 1, 2, Matt breaks it up! Fénix gestures another top rope move but Penta tells him to think higher: the top of the cage. Fénix ascends the Cage's top looking for a massive Fear Factor finish, but just when they prepare, Nick superkicks Penta, and now he climbs the cage to meet Fénix, and runs into a PK back down. Cage Crossbody on all 3, assisted Package Piledriver, Fénix claws Matt away, 1, 2, 3!

The cage lifts as Penta celebrates with his kids before reconvening with his brother and Alex to celebrate at the ramp.

Jesus what a match, brutal and athletic. How can you underrate either team when they keep delivering bangers like this? Even though I bet against them I'm not at all upset with the Lucha Bros winning, if anything I only expected it because it paired in with the Andrade storyline - who had promised under him they would win the titles - and because I was hoping for Santana & Ortiz to win the titles at Grand Slam, which could still happen but I was kinda liking them as babyfaces. But the Bucks' reign ends, which means that it's new destinations for both teams, perhaps this will be an opportune time for AEW to use the pedigree of the Bucks to elevate another tag team like they have with Jurassic Express, or maybe even feud with Santana & Ortiz or the fractured Dark Order.

A recap of the matches reminds us that we've had some great matches so far, as we steel ourselves for the Women's Casino Royale.

Women's Casino Battle Royale Joker: Ruby Soho wins the Battle Royale First is the clubs, which begins with Hikaru Shida for a nice big pop, then Skye Blue - the Chicago native late addition replacing the injured Julia Hart - who gets another big hometown welcome, Emi Sakurai with butler Lulu Pencil and the Bunny are next, but Abadon with new hair and new gear makes the striking impression. I am confused though, didn't Nyla say she would start the Battle Royale? I felt like that was a thing in the build.

No friends in the ring for Shida, former teacher Sakura goes right for her but gets hit with a powerslam, Abadon and Bunny stared down but focused on Skye Blue as Shida got hit with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Shida sprawls too close to Bunny who shifts her focus on the former champion while Skye takes Sakura in a show of Ss. Both Skye and Bunny eat tilt-a-whirl backbreakers though as teacher and student don't see eye to eye, Abadon though sneaks up on them and scares both Joshi, aiming for the only women whose given her the L twice in her AEW career. Skye and Bunny take the centre stage as Skye tries to rally, only to be kneed by Bunny, Skye retaliates with a rope jump knee strike - dangerous territory as she poses unaware of Abadon, she survives the throw but not the boot, a row of boos as Chicago laments that one of their own was the first to be eliminated. Bunny then eliminates Abadon though to cheers, Abadon impressively landed on her feet, and hopefully she will not forget Allie's actions of As.

Allie takes her time before stomping Shida out of Emi's Romero Special, she tries to throw Emi but she resists and goes for Shida again, using a hair yank to throw Shida around. Double Underhook Backbreaker preludes the next suit: Diamonds. Anna Jay charges right for the Bunny for revenge as Kiera Hogan , KiLynn King, Diamante and Nyla come out. King tried to save Shida from Hogan, but real life girlfriend Diamante retaliates leading to them teaming up on the Dark standout. Nyla, Emi and Shida continue to duke it out, unable to take turns on who fights who as Anna and Bunny fight in the corner. Emi gets hit to the apron and seated by Diamante's failed chop block, allowing Shida to Baseball Slide both and eliminate her former mentor. Hogan is also eliminated by Nyla via an Enzugiri while she was sitting on the Turnbuckle, then sadly KiLynn King could not reignite past feuds with Nyla and is eliminated by her with a big clothesline. Shida hits the Willow's Bell on Diamante and locks eyes with Nyla, she tries to Rana but the Native Beast powers through and dumps the former champion in surprise fashion - fans booed it too, having a special handshake with Diamante to signify an alliance there.

Alliance did not last long as they determined to leave Anna and Allie to their assault of As, both Diamante and Allie have the advantage on opposite corners when Hearts are called. Thunder Rosa charges at lightning speed at Nyla, who calls a Time Out and gets a dropkick instead, Penelope Ford puts the disadvantage on Anna while Riho gets a nice pop from the crowd, Jamie Hayter comes in next and then Big Swole just as Riho hits Allie and Ford with a 619. Hayter zones in on the smaller opponent in Riho while Swole eyes her rival Diamante, Commentary incorrectly say Riho was eliminated by Hayter, even though she kicked the Joshi under the ropes - maybe something happened? - Swole eliminates Diamante with a diving headbutt but is thrown out by Hayter, allowing Diamante and Swole to continue brawling. Hayter then joins Nyla in fighting Rosa, but she fights back with charging dropkicks.

Spades are last and like a storm Tay Conti rushes to save her friend, hitting a Tay-KO on Allie as Red Velvet is called, spearing Hayter as Leyla Hirsch comes in, seeking a target to throw and finding Penelope. Jade Cargill's the penultimate name called as Leyla German's Nyla but runs into a strike by Jade, Rebel is the final Spade to assist Jamie on attacking Velvet. Penelope almost eliminates Conti by the turnbuckle, but Conti uses her core strength to sit back up, Rebel's feat of doing the splits in the middle of the ropes does not save her though, as she's prime target for Velvet's dropkick. Bunny follows, she dragged Anna with her to the apron but her kick was blocked, Anna's kick landed, but then Penelope's landed on Anna. Tay cannot boot Penelope over the ropes but the Leyla is eliminated by being Gorilla Pressed by Jade onto Anna and Bunny. Conti is whiplashed mid-rope by Ford, Velvet and Hayter in one corner, Jade and Nyla zoning on Rosa in the other, the countdown for the joker cannot be heard though because Chicago knows which woman they want to come out.

And they get it.

Ruby Soho with 'Destination AEW' on the back of her jacket, she comes for Jade first, staggering her with kicks, Nyla attacks next, staggering her with a headbutt, but Rosa uses Soho as a platform to Rana Nyla, both women eye up Cargill but Jade fights through, a nice pumphandle suplex from her on Soho preludes Conti doing her Three Amigas Judo throws, Ford lands on her feet for the third though as Cargill dumps Hayter out so she can face her first rival alone. Conti's attacks keep being countered by Ford, and she eats a hook kick to keep her floored, at this time Jade dumps Velvet out, but she posed too much and Nyla lobs her out, Rose herself surviving a double assault from Soho and Rosa as Conti uses a headscissors to eliminate Ford - only for herself to be blindsided on the apron by Nyla.

It comes down to Three; Nyla, Rosa and Soho. Soho and Rosa are fended off by Nyla, Tree Slam on Soho, Samoan Drop on Rosa, Nyla shifts attention to Soho and puts her in the Tree of Woe, but Rosa uses this to throw Nyla over, she holds on but cannot avoid the Shotgun Dropkick. Now it's Soho and Rosa, both women super over with the crowd as they trade chops, both are exchanging the same counters, so Rosa tries the Fire Thunder Driver, Soho escapes and tries her old Riott Kick, Rosa tries to reverse it but Soho turns it into a whip to get Rosa onto the apron. Rosa though goes for the slow DDT, but Soho holds onto the ropes in Skin the Cat fashion, leaving her stomach prone for Rosa to stomp. Soho manages to stumble Rosa, dodges a kick and staggers Rosa with a knee, Rosa's legs now dangerously close to ground, Soho tries a lift, then a German but Rosa then tries a DVD, Soho escapes, throws Rosa in the ring post, Gamagiri hits Rosa clean and eliminates her.

Oh JR, had to pull a WWE Dynamite and call her Ruby Riott XD

I...liked it? But it's not all I wanted from this Battle Royale. I hoped this'd be a platform to properly expand the Women's Division and set up multiple long-term feuds, instead we mainly retread on old feuds, but we also unceremoniously dumped out fan favourites like Shida, Riho and Skye Blue for little less than nothing, we also had the chance to better showcase Kiera Hogan, KiLynn King, Abadon and Jamie Hayter but had them eliminated by people with no real storyline connection or implication. I do hope Riho's okay because that elimination was wonky and must've been done due to an injury. I also didn't like how half of the eliminations is just 'I'm gonna pose in this obviously dangerous position I hope nobody blindsides me', we need to find new tricks.

The final two though was some good wrestling, happy for Ruby and she'll hopefully make a good fit for AEW

It's 10:30 and I have 4 matches still...yeep

If Chris Jericho Loses, he Retires Chris Jericho def. MJF (Submission via Walls of Jericho) A Y2J countdown gets the crowd going, but the tron doesn't erupt in Judas, instead it says 'Jericho's Last Match' and MJF's music hits. HEEL

That's all you can say until he comes out in kingly robes, without Wardlow surprisingly, getting in the face of fans and sporting new gear, no more plaits this time.

No Entrance Music for Jericho, instead there's Fozzy's guitarist playing the riff to will Chicago to sing along. Jericho in a biker jacket and his baseball bat Floyd as MJF stares daggers at him. An ad for Jericho's book preludes the match too.

Before locking up MJF adds heat by ripping up signs. A stalemate of sorts begin with traded shoulder tackles and hip tosses, Jericho's experience seems to be winning out when he prepares the walls, but MJF turns it into a cradle for 2. MJF and Jericho leave the ring, the veteran getting the advantage and tossing MJF into barricades, into the crowd they go as Jericho poses with a sign, but then back to ringside where Jericho dumps one of those queue rope holder things (sue me I don't know every word) right on MJF. Back in the ring MJF is dumped out again by a triangle dropkick, but he baits the baseball slide by trapping Jericho in the apron, he regains advantage by wrenching on the shoulder that was injured, taunting the crowd in between his attacks. Suplex gets 2 so he bites the fingers, second Suplex is countered allowing Jericho to chop, Bulldog and Backbreaker for 2, MJF goes back for the arm, stomps and hammerlock throws for 2, now MJF goes for chops, strutting like Flair and then gyrating, Jericho throws him over but MJF just counters with a Heatseeker on the apron.

Count Out is being threatened but Jericho gets in enough at 9, avoiding MJF's stomp, MJF gets a little too cocky and misses the Asai Moonsault - landed on his feet though - and then receives a Twisting Powerbomb on the apron. Back in the ring it's back to fisticuffs, MJF does an eye rake but misses the haymaker and gets hit in the back, Jericho looks for a top rope attack but lands into a one-legged Codebreaker for 2. The back attack from early delays MJF from lifting Jericho, allowing the Demo God the chance to try the Walls, MJF kicks him away but runs into a Shoulder Block, then a Lionsault - just to prove he can - but it's only 2. MJF is writhing as Jericho clubs him in the corner, 10 strikes looks to soften MJF for a Super Rana but he counters it into a Sit-Out Powerbomb, MJF still sells the back and the time allows Jericho to kick out at 2. He bites at Jericho next, sets him up for a Superplex but is pushed away, Flying Codebreaker only gets 2 for Jericho.

Out comes Wardlow, but Hager intercepts and brawls, the distraction is enough though for MJF to use Floyd the Bat to hit Jericho, MJF shouts Goodbye to Jericho and hits his own Judas Effect: 1, 2, 3? The bell rings but Jericho's foot is on the ropes, it takes a secondary ref to inform Aubrey and the Announcer so the match can resume. MJF is angry, he shoves Aubrey but she shoves back, allowing Jericho to roll up MJF for the 2 (nice call to when he technically won the world title from Triple H), MJF then cinches the Salt of the Earth, Jericho fights it into a rollup, just a 2, he scraps and claws at MJF and finally gets in the Walls of Jericho, MJF tries to crawl to the ropes but he's dragged to the middle and taps. The Inner Circle come to congratulate Jericho after.

So, they were never gonna retire Jericho like this, not with 4 losses and not when there's still mileage in fans singing Judas. Frankly, the feud went on too long, the Labors were decent but peaked at Nick Gage (sorry Juice and Wardlow) and it made no sense that MJF was a fifth labor because the labors were meant to be completed SO Jericho could face MJF. I guess it's 'just desserts' for the heel but now where does AEW's best heel go from here? He needs a solid win and so does his faction.

CM Punk def. Darby Allin (Pinfall via GTS) Next would be the one everyone was looking forward to, a Century Gothic Quote starts Darby's entrance as he hangs a body bag with 'Best in the World' from a Helicopter then jumps off of said helicopter. Sting gives Darby a fistbump and hug before letting him skate alone to the ring, a strong pop considering who he is facing.

And who he is facing is chanted at full volume as Cult of Personality is sang along louder than they sang Judas. Punk in the trousers gets to his knees, checks his watch and tells the world what they wanna know: It's Clobberin' Time.

Punk looks in great shape for the match as both opponents stare each other down, Punk even taking a seat to stare at him, both stand at the same time, like two predators ready for war. The bell rings to cheers as they lock up, Darby shifts his weight to roll Punk away, a surprised 'well okay then' smirks from Punk as Darby wins the first exchange. Darby knows to be hesitant with locking up, and his hesitation is well found as Punk uses his strength to shoulder barge Darby away. The third lock is controlled by Darby's hammerlock, every attempt to roll away doesn't deter Darby until he releases it for a roll up, not even 1 though as Punk elbows him down. Scoop Slam doesn't get 1 for Punk so he tries a headlock, Darby surprises Punk by using his speed to tackle him down, but on the second time he almost sets himself up for GTS, which Darby is quick and wise to stay well away from.

Leaving the ring, Darby takes a moment to get his head straight, he tries a hip toss but Punk is too strong, he manages the springboard hip toss though and rams his body into Punk's in the corner. He tries a hammer throw but it's countered and Darby does that nasty nasty spot where he goes through the turnbuckle and ricochets off the ring post. Punk rolls him in for just a 2, then focuses on the back with a stretch, when he reaches the ropes he stomps Darby and hits a backdrop but it's only good for 2, he stretches Darby again and counters his fight back with a Kitchen Sink and an Abdominal Stretch, then again with a Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker and a chinlock before returning to the Abdominal Stretch. Darby soon regains momentum though, escaping the stretch long enough to hit his over-the-top stunner, Slaps from Darby keep Punk frazzled as he hits a springboard Coffin Splash and a roll up for 2, Punk tries GTS but Darby Sunset Rolls for 2 again, Darby's strike combo and then a Code Red for 2. Darby seeks the Coffin Drop, but Punk cuts him off and prepares for an Avalanche Back Drop, only for Darby to cleverly shift it into a Crossbody Splash for 2. Darby goes for a Jacknife Pin but Punk uses his core to crab up, twisting for a Backslide, he can't get all the way but he lifts him for GTS, hits it! But Darby's body sprawls out of the ring.

Darby answers the count at 9 to Punk's relief, before using his strength to keep Darby jaded, classic knee strike to the corner followed by a short-arm clothesline. He gestures for GTS, but Darby is limp, he takes time to lift Darby which gives him the time to elbow Punk's jaw, hammering it until Punk is on his knees. Punk rolls out the ring but gets hit with the Darby-patented Suicide Dive, then a Swanton from the top turnbuckle to the outside. He throws Punk in the ring and prepares to Coffin Drop, but not before drawing heat by gesturing GTS himself, he makes the jump but Punk sits up just in time! He soaks up his cleverness a little too much though because his confident shuffle to pin Darby is reversed into a pin by Darby for 2, so Punk holds on mid-kick out to lift him up for GTS, he gets the throw but Darby blocks the knee, Last Supper! 1, 2, No!

Leg Lariat floors Darby, but Darby gets his boots up in the corner, he climbs on Punk looking for a Poison Rana, but Punk shifts him and that's the GTS! 1, 2, 3!

Punk gestures 7 to the cameras to note that he's back after 7 years, Sting then comes out and shakes Punk's hand before both men tend to Darby. Darby staggers away to get up on his own and shakes Punk's hand too as Darby and Sting leave the ring for Punk to soak in. Punk gleefully takes a lap before joyfully leaving, letting the fans tell him which tunnel he's supposed to leave through.

It won't get 5 stars but this was still great fun to see, it was a moment more than it was a match, and it's good to see that Punk barely misses a step. Darby still looks strong too and we open much more new opportunities with Punk on the roster. The finish was a bit quick for me, but it was the right finish: it's Bret in Canada, you don't have Punk lose in Chicago...unless you want a riot that is.

Full Gear was promoted for November before the piss break.

Paul Wight def. QT Marshall [w/ Aaron Solo & Nick Comoroto] (Pinfall via Chokeslam) The Factory came out first, before Wight returned in a more clothed version of his usual singlet. Solo was thrown at Wight and dumped out the ring, Comoroto - not used to facing someone this bigger and this heavier than him - would also be dragged out the ring too.

QT's opening blows are nothing to Wight, who effectively destroys Marshall with chops between punches and standing on him. QT does get some momentum by using dropkicks, dropping Wight to his knees with a dropkick to the hip, his strikes are shoved off by Wight but a Shotgun Dropkick does floor the big man - enough for a 1 count at least which dumps QT out of the ring. QT tries the Diamond Cutter but it's shrugged off, Shoulder Block and a Back Body Drop keeps him down as Wight lifts Solo into the ring to chop him, Comoroto fares a little better after eating one Wight's punches, but is felled to a pounce, giving Marshall time to climb to the turnbuckle and land into a Chokeslam for 3.

At least it was over quickly, maybe could've been quicker. I dunno since the Cody feud demolished them the Factory are nobodies, which is a shame because Comoroto and Ogogo have great potential, they're just in the wrong spot. This wasn't a PPV match either, this was better a segment or a Buy-In 'match' and the Gunn Club turn had no influence on this in the end either, so meh.

Dynamite/Rampage Promo

Dynamite is promoted for next Wednesday and it's Moxley vs Suzuki booked! Mox then cuts a promo on Suzuki before the rest of the card is shown; Ruby Soho will have a segment to address her win and collision course with Baker, and Dustin vs Black as previously announced on Rampage.

Black cuts a promo too, inviting Dustin to get angry because it makes him prone to mistake, taunting Dustin with his past victories in the Codyverse so to keep him angry.

We also promoted PAC/Andrade on Rampage but it was just saying the match is on Friday.

AEW World Championship Kenny Omega (c) [w/Don Callis] def. Christian Cage (Pinfall via Avalanche One Winged Angel)

Christian comes out first with the Impact World Title around his waist, but Kenny goes more showy with Devil's Sky and tights reminiscent of his New Japan days and blue in his hair. When his name was called he danged the world title in front of Christian as commentary note how he's on the verge of surpassing Moxley's world title reign in days.

Omega tries a V-Trigger before the bell, but Christian dodges it and prepares a Killswitch that Omega escapes, wagging his finger and starting a shoving contest. Omega hits a rana but Christian regains control on the outside, throwing Omega in the barricade and then a jumping splash from the top turnbuckle. Omega is next to shift momentum though by reversing an Irish Whip that throws Christian up and over the steel steps, using Callis as distraction he pulls out a table to stomp onto Christian, cracking the furniture as Omega mockingly channels Urkel's 'Did I do that?'.

Callis sets up another table with Kenny, but the suplex is countered by Christian who suplexes Omega away from the table. Back in the ring Omega's dropkick is scouted as he lands back first on the floor, but he rakes Christian's eyes before he can capitalize and lands a modified sling blade for 2. Raking facelocks and chops are among the actions Kenny does to try and cut Christian's breathing, a Back drop draws Cage to the corner where he tries to use his feet to hide openings for Kenny, he gets to his feet and climbs to the turnbuckle, but Kenny just shoves him off back outside the ring.

Humorously, Kenny's initial attempt to Moonsault off the barricade leads him to slip on his ass, but the second one hits the mark and splashes Christian on the outside, it's only good for 2 though. Christian tries to fight through Kenny's assault, but he's thrown into the turnbuckle then hit with an Ushigoroshi for 2. Kenny looks to go up top but Christian cuts him off, Super Rana by Cage is clean but no space for a pin, instead they trade blows, Kenny throwing his weight to get the upper hand, he misses the corner elbow which allows Christian to start his 10 strikes, but at 4 Kenny sets up the OWA, so Christian wriggles out, pushes him back in the Turnbuckle and starts again. Christian's getting some speed on Omega, and almost has him in a Cloverleaf, so Kenny after trying to eye rake and pull hair loosens a leg and kicks him away, he sets up the You Can't Escape but Christian reverses the run up into a reverse DDT for 2.

Cage sizes Kenny up for a spear, but he runs into a Knee, Christian escapes the Tiger Driver and lands a Swinging DDT to set up the Killswitch, Kenny escapes and uses a Spinning Leg Lariat to send Christian in the corner; V-Trigger, Snap Dragon Suplex, Another Snap Dragon, he gestures the gun but Christian gives him the finger, so he gives Christian a third Snap Dragon and a V Trigger. Both men edge closer to Chekov's table, Kenny looking to German Christian onto, Christian holds onto the ropes so he tries a Snap Dragon, but Christian reverses into a Killswitch setup, which Kenny avoids by pushing Cage into the ring post, he looks for the OWA but Christian escapes by returning to the ring and a reverse neckbreacker, onto the apron and Christian spears Kenny into the table with venom.

Spear to the back and front gives Christian the 2 count, so he goes up top, Frog Splash falls into Kenny's knees but Christian's damage to Kenny's back prevents him from performing the Dr Wagner Bomb. 2 V Triggers land, Christian blocks the third to try and fight back, but Kenny hits another one, then a Rain Trigger! Calling back a lot of New Japan now. Kenny goes for the Tiger Driver but Christian escapes, taking Kenny down for a Cloverleaf - sensing danger, Callis motions to the ramp, and the Good Brothers comes down. As Callis distracts the ref, Christian fends off Anderson, but Gallow has him held against the rope for Kenny to attack, V Trigger obviously hits Gallows instead and Christian tries the Killswitch, Kenny escapes, Omega tries the OWA, Christian escapes, Killswitch attempts, Killswitch lands! 1, 2, No! That was a close 2 as well, very good timing.

As Christian sets Kenny on the turnbuckle Callis tries to sneak behind him, being chased away when spotted. Christian looks to set up an Avalanche Killswitch but Kenny rakes the eyes, sets up for OWA, and lands it, nobody kicks out and that's 3.

The Bucks come out wrapped up to celebrate with the Elite and beat down Christian more, Jurassic Express try to help but the numbers are too grand. Chants of Yes! come from the crowd but Kenny grabs a mic, telling them that nobody is on his level. Apt choice of words though; the only people who can beat him are either not here, already retired or already dead

The lights go out, and it's a Ghost! Britt Baker's Boyfriend! Adam Cole BayBay comes to the ring, ready to argue with Kenny about his case of being killed off of BTE, but then he shifts his focus and superkicks Jungle Boy!

Embracing the Bucks and getting a triple kiss, Kenny mocks the crowd for thinking that Cole, their good friend, would be their enemy. Cole then talks about how the Elite is now the biggest faction in the business and that nobody is going to stop them. Kenny happily says it's a happy ending and prepares his goodbye and good night, but before that even happens, another music hits.

Oh Yes. Yes. Yes.

It's Bryan Danielson, backing the faces, as they fend off the Elite, Danielson hits the Buisaku Knee on Nick before celebrating with Christian and Jurassic Express while Cole - thunder stolen - looks angrily on.

Well it's midnight and that's how you end a PPV. Kenny vs Christian was a decent enough match all things considered, it's hard to fill the boots of Kenny vs Hangman like we wanted, but we can be patient, we have brand new toys to play with after all. Some of the shenaniganry was a bit gimmicky especially since it was a little too similar to Jericho vs MJF, but we never really bought Christian beating Kenny here so it doesn't matter as much.

Conclusion Somehow I didn't feel as enthralled as I did for Double or Nothing, but I still felt like this was great. I think it bodes down to the whole 'higher highs but lower lows' argument; Wight/QT shouldn't have been there, the Women's Casino Royale could've been booked better for most of the women and MJF/Jericho needed a bit more oomph. On the other hand, can you really fault a PPV that just gave us debuts for Minoru Suzuki, Ruby Soho (oh right, she was the one I was spoiled on btw), Adam Cole BayBay and Bryan Danielson on the same night CM Punk, Darby Allin, Christian Cage, Kenny Omega, the Lucha Bros, the Young Bucks, MJF, Jericho, Miro, Eddie Kingston and Jon Moxley all competed in?

This may indeed be worth the 3-4 hours sleep I bet I'll get now, but with a backlog as long as my arm I need to sleep

Pro Wrestling is Great.

[seven-oomen]

Love and Monsters Lore/Meta/Headcanons

Spoilers ahead!!!! I feel like I shouldn’t have to say it but obviously this will have spoilers for the movie.

Okay so strap in kiddos because I have spend my entire day rewatching the film, writing down all the little lines I could find and I think I’ve build a pretty decent understanding of its lore despite not having much information to fall back onto from other sources. (I don’t think it’s an easily accessible movie and there’s no wikis or whatever yet.)

Alright so here we go:

Part 1: The apocalypse

The apocalypse in this universe started 7 years before the story starts. An asteroid called Agatha 616 was headed for Earth. And in response Earth send up a bunch of chemical bombs to break up the asteroid.

It worked, a little too well. And those chemicals came back down on Earth and mutated all Cold-blooded animals. (Insects, fish, arachnids, reptiles, amphibians) From what we can tell, that’s all the chemicals affected. Warm blooded animals like Mammals and Birds  don’t seem to be affected. But the source material isn’t very definitive on this.

In the opening story Joel talks about how 95% of humanity basically got eaten to death by the mutated creatures. Even Clyde alludes to humanity being unaffected by referring to a line said by the governments/scientists at the time; “We’re the lucky ones, or so they said.”

To me that makes sense, insects in particular are so vast and so well adapted that if they ever got to the size of a truck, they would dominate pretty much all other species around them. That might also explain why we don’t see many mammals or birds around. I’ve been looking, haven’t found them just yet. Aside from Gertie the cow and Boy the dog.

One of the places were the apocalypse seems to have kicked off is in Fairfield, California. Clyde calls it ‘basically ground zero’ and is amazed that Joel (and Aimee by extension) even made it out of there. Although a part of that may be because I believe the whole “cast” is from the area between Sacramento California and San Fransicsco. I have my reasons for that, which I will explain in headcanons.

Another, based on a news clip in the beginning might be Washington DC and I think it slowly escalated from there, going Global in a matter of days. I think the highest concentration of humanity fell first (cities), which would make sense as more humans generally also means a lot of insects and other scavengers. Conflict would be high in these areas and a lot of people would die at once.

Joel also talks about how the military and the ‘big ones’ basically cancelled each other out and died out after another. Which again makes sense to me, you’d want the most dangerous creatures to be taken out first. A cockroach the size of a tank is definitely a priority. Although how one would kill a cockroach that size is also very questionable, considering what they can survive.

I think humanity held out for several months before they were forced into hiding by the mutated creatures and the news articles that seem to be around throughout the world and in the beginning seem to suggest that as well.

Part 2: Joel’s Journey

Now I am not an American and a lot of places have names that I know nothing about. So I had to Google it, rehear it and figure it out. But Joel’s journey takes him to Jenner Beach, we know based on a sign post that he passes Fulton and is headed off towards Sonoma Coast State Park. Based on those signs I have a made a trajectory of about 85 miles and approximately located Joel’s colony.

I’ve also circled Fairfield here to indicate where he started out. Now as I said, this is guess work based on what the movie gave me from the sign post.

Sonoma Coast state Park (30 miles), Fulton (6 Miles)

And from what the characters in the movie have been saying; Jenner Beach. So yeah, it’s guess work and I might be a couple of miles off, but I like to think this gives a good perspective.

7 days seems to sort of check out though, considering the terrain is rough and hilly/mountainy, you’d constantly have to hide, and you’d need to sleep/forage. But you’d be walking pretty slow still. I think you could make the journey in 5-6 days as well on foot.

Part 3: Clyde and Minnow’s Journey

Now these two are far more difficult to figure out because we don’t know much about them. Wikipedia indicates Clyde is a survival expert, so that’s the official title that I went with as well. He says he had a son named Elliott and that he was in a colony with Elliot, Minnow, and Minnow’s dad. Minnow also indicates that their colony was in a subway station. They were mostly headed North.

I think the most likely candidates for their ‘home base’ were Sacremento, but then why did they cross Joel’s path and didn’t head for Yosemite/ Mt. Whitney if they wanted to go to the mountains?

Or another likely candidate was Richmond. Which is what I went with. This is more headcanony though. Only because they mentioned going to the North as opposed to going East, towards Mt. Whitney. Maybe Sacremento and it’s valley are a no-go zone? That would sense, large open spaces are probably where larger creatures reside.

Part 4: Headcanons

Okay this last section is purely headcanon material and not at based on facts. So please don’t shoot me. (Yes, you may copy the headcanons if you like, I don’t mind.)

Clyde is a survival expert, hunter, and doomsday prepper in the city. He used to lead rich tourist/people onto expeditions into the wilderness of California.

His son Elliott was a State Ranger in one of the local wildlife parks/reservations. He was also very gay,

Clyde is a simple but open minded man who loved his son/family. He really didn’t care his son was gay and supported him.

They lived just outside of Richmond.

Their neighbors was an Indian Transman (as in his ancestors were from India). This was Minnow’s father.

Minnow was one when the Apocalypse hit. (This is somewhat canon actually.)

Her father carried her and gave birth to her, getting a hysterectomy a few months after.

Her father was also a great archer and used to teach people how to use a bow and arrow. He was also a great horseback rider.

When the apocalypse hit they tried to sit it out in Clyde’s shelter but due to circumstance were forced to leave and eventually ended up in a colony in Richmond. Which operated from a subway station. 

Elliott and Minnow’s father fell in love and paired up, raising Minnow together. Clyde became her grandfather figure.

They stayed there for about 4-5 years until an attack decimated the colony, including Minnow’s father and Elliott.

Clyde and Minnow have been surviving out on there own ever since and were slowly traveling up North until they found Joel in a Sandgobblers hole.

Part 5: Creatures

We know the following about the categories of creatures:

Insects: Have terrible peripheral vision

Lizards: Can’t climb for shit

Amphibians: Like to hide and lure in their prey

Sandgobblers: Bad asses, find prey by sound and vibration, their queen is bad news and has a fin.

You can tell if a creature is kind by looking into its eyes.

Bouldersnails are friendly, sensitive, but can crush your ass in a heartbeat.

-

And that’s what I have so far. Feel free to reblog and add to it if you’ve found more or want to enter a counter to some of the things I’ve found.

[stusbunker]

What Lingers Within: Six

A Supernatural Fan-fiction Mini Series

Featuring: Past Dean Winchester x Female Reader

Written for: @thisismysecrethappyplace​

Prompt: Amnesia

Word Count: 2396

Beta’d by the amazing @itmighthavebeenintentional​

Aesthetic by @thoughtslikeaminefield​

A/N: Set in season 11. Flashbacks are still in italics. No new warnings for this chapter.

Series Masterlist

^*^*^*^

     The neighborhood Dean found a motel in did little to settle your raw nerves. The sleek car earned a few stares and a solitary whistle when it pulled into the crumbling parking lot well into the dark of night. You noticed both Dean and Sam flashed their weapons, which were kept at the smalls of their backs, before Dean headed into the office to set you all up for the night. Those loitering in the stairwell and among the other cars had eyes on you and Michelle all the while, until he returned for you and their bags. 

     Lord knew what you looked like as Dean and Sam escorted you and Michelle into the pay-by-the-hour room. You didn’t know why you were so bothered by it, being a murderer was worse than being a prostitute.

     That damning truth had barely registered before you caught on that Dean had been waiting for your answer to an unheard question.

     “I’m sorry, what?” You scrunched your eyes closed in an attempt to focus.

      Your vision slowly unclouded around Dean’s insistent face. “You okay? Here, have some water.”

      Suddenly a cold plastic bottle was slipped into your hand; they kept a cooler at the ready in the backseat you had noticed when they took you for breakfast. Always prepared, like boy scouts or doomsday preppers.

      You took the water and realized all three of them were watching you.

      “What?” You wiped a trickle from your chin and waited for the conversation to resume.

      “First thing, you need a change of clothes and we all could stand to eat,” Dean went from looking at you to pointing at Sam.

       “Why don’t I take Michelle to Y/N’s place? Grab her a few things?” Sam offered, and you couldn’t help notice the blush on your cousin’s face.

       “But I still need to grab my truck. Drop me off and I’ll handle Y/N’s essentials. That way you can grab food and we can all meet back here,” Michelle smiled brightly. If you weren’t still in some state of shock you would have groaned at her.

       “You sure? They might expect her home, tried it there the first time,” Dean bowed his head, but stopped just short of pursing his lips at Michelle. 

       “I’ll be fine, in and out. No one will know what I am up to until I am already out the door,” she reassured him, her stare held enough tenacity to choke a pitbull.

        Dean smirked and rolled his eyes in jest. “Fine! Stubbornness runs in your family too?”

       “You could say that,” Michelle sighed before pulling you in, hip-to-hip. “Just keep an eye on her while I’m gone?”

        It was your turn to roll your eyes, but the warm strength in her grip was sorely needed. You squeezed her waist and tipped your head onto her shoulder for the briefest moment of reprieve.

       “I got her,” Dean promised, pulling you into his arms by way of your drooping water bottle. You fell forward against him, awkwardly bumbling until he locked his arm over your shoulder, pulling you to stand, almost mirroring the position you and Michelle had shared.

       “Right,” Sam sighed. “Ready?”

        “Lead the way, handsome,” Michelle giggled as she waggled her fingers over her shoulder.

        Once the door latched behind them, your stance became increasingly unnecessary and you broke away from Dean’s sturdy side to guzzle more water. It was impossibly hot in the dingy room.

        “Why don’t you take a shower? I’ll check and see if the police have anything, or at least anything we need to worry about.” Dean dropped eye contact to the laptop on the small breakfast table. He seemed almost apologetic.

        “Can I get a shirt? I don’t think Michelle is gonna make it back with my stuff before I’m out,” you clarified.

        “Let me guess, not just any shirt, you want a flannel?” Dean raised his eyebrows.

        “T-shirts just show off all the wet patches,” you mumbled as Dean went to dig through his duffle. He sniffed a navy one before balling it up and tossing it to you. You caught it, high on your chest.

       “Thanks,” you grew quiet as you turned to the yellow light of the small bathroom, slipping your fingertips over the downy fabric.

       “Anytime,” Dean murmured to your back, too low for you to catch.

^*^*^

    “Hey, anything?” Sam asked, walking in with two bags of burgers and a six pack. 

    “Nothing, so far. Michelle make it to Y/N’s place okay?” Dean asked, knowing Sam wouldn’t just drop her off. He made room at the table, but didn’t take his eyes from the screen long.

    “Yeah, seemed to, I clocked her until I reached the turn off,” Sam rushed out before taking a big bite from his burger.

    “Oh man, that smells amazing,” Dean whined, digging into the bag for his own. The men ate in silence, possibilities weighing on both their minds.

    “You think she’ll be good to go once Michelle gets back?” Sam asked, testing the waters.

    “Don’t have much of a choice, our cover’s blown and she’s got blood on her hands. I don’t trust these cops to follow innocent until proven guilty; she doesn’t have the pockets Katelyn does. Did.” Dean breathed deeply, trying to focus back on the momentary indulgence of his food.

“So, we take her with us? Set her up at the bunker?” Sam considered aloud.

    Dean coughed, nearly spitting out his food. Sam let his brother work through his dramatics with a pointed mouth.

    “She’s not cut out for this, Sam. She shouldn’t have to live under the radar,” Dean muttered, the guilt and regret lacing every word. 

    “No one should have to live like this, but we do it. And she can too.” Sam cocked his head.

    Dean shook his head, his tired eyes begging his brother to stop pushing. “We’ll, uh, we’ll get a hold of Jody, see if she has room.”

    “Who’s Jody?” Her voice broke into their conversation, the steam wafted from the bathroom bringing with it the scent of generic soap which mixed awkwardly with the grease of their dinner.

    She stunned Dean into silence, between her bare legs and his shirt hugging her, and the hole he was digging himself into, he was frozen. Sam simply sighed before he dove into explanations.

^*^*^

    Cedar and chamomile merged with lemon oil and teak, the dark wood floors of the house they were being shown seemed to expand in all directions. Dean had no idea how long this process would take, but as a car guy, he knew to check the guts of the house first and move outward. New furnace, updated electrical, refurbished crown molding, original floors and only five years on the roof, it seemed too good to be true.

    But then he thought about mortgage payments and realized that was the dose of reality he was expecting to find in the plumbing or an air duct.

    She had the realtor wrapped around her finger, which he appreciated because his bullshitting skills had staled a bit over the months out of the game. He wandered as they discussed the window sills or the light fixtures or the backsplash for the thirteenth time since arriving. Private showings were easiest, less pressure than an open house and more wiggle room. Dean liked the freedom to roam and to peak in the hidden corners for rot or signs of spirits.

    Buying a house was a big step, Bobby had warned him, like Dean needed it. But the look she gave him as he eyed the first hot water heater had sold him on the idea. They weren’t just looking for a house in a buyer’s market, they were building a life together.

    With a real home to start out in.

    Was this the one? Would he ever be certain? He knew he wanted to keep her happy and safe, but could any house be the end all? 

    He’d never thought one woman would be, maybe he’d just keep going through the motions and see what stuck.

^*^*^

    The enormity of what had happened seeped into every thought; each moment held a new revelation or decision. 

     You were a fugitive; your life would no longer be simple, boring or safe. 

      Somehow, you were now dependent on an ex you didn’t know and his brother. Who were monster hunters that lived off of fake credit cards. You were waiting to wake up, because this nightmare just wouldn’t end.

      Michelle had been gone for two hours and even Sam had become rattled by her delay.

      “She should have at least called by now,” you had been insisting on looking for Michelle for nearly an hour. If not one of the brothers, you’d threatened to go yourself.

       “No, something doesn’t feel right. It could be a trap.” Dean was firm, but the exhaustion was fraying his patience all the same.

        “It’s still ringing through to voicemail,” Sam sighed, as you watched him take the phone from his ear once again. He gave you a grim, tight lipped smile and you flopped down on the bed by Dean’s feet.

         You tugged the bottom of the flannel down so you didn’t flash your underwear, neither of their pants could fit over your hips so you waited for your once grimy pair of leggings to drip dry.

        This was all your fault and if something happened to Michelle on top of it, you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself. Just as another info-mercial started playing on the outdated television set, a hurried knocking ricocheted through the room.

         Dean and Sam were up and armed in the blink of an eye, Dean stood himself between you and the door as Sam slinked to the entryway, ducked to the peep hole before he tossed the door wide open. Michelle burst in, terrified, face drawn and hands freezing as she pulled you into a tight squeeze.

          “What happened?!” Dean broke the confused silence.

           “The cops are looking for you, or at least they are camped outside your apartment. I got stopped on my way in. Told them I was expecting you soon. They warned me to be careful, to let them know if I see you, because they had some follow up questions. Questions, my ass. After twenty minutes, I snuck out by the alley. I walked, that’s why it took me so long. Sorry.” Michelle explained.

           “No, that’s good.” Sam gave Michelle his best reassuring face before grimacing over her head to Dean.

           “Were you followed? And why didn’t you call?” Dean nearly barked and you and Michelle both recoiled at his tone.

            “I left my phone in my truck. I wasn’t expecting to have to dodge the cops,” Michelle snapped back as she pulled the canvas bag off her shoulder and shoved it at you. “This is a week’s worth of clothes, go get some pants on.”

           You didn’t miss the challenging glare she shot Dean and Sam. Sam had the common sense to look sheepish. You got redressed in a rush, keeping the flannel as an outer layer over a faded concert tshirt and your favorite pair of jeans. By the time you got your hair to cooperate; you were almost feeling like yourself again. You needed to be ready for whatever came next.

           Michelle was okay, but this was far from over.

           When you exited the bathroom, three pairs of eyes zoned in on you, the tension in the air was palpable.

          “What?” You shifted and dropped the bag by the table, Sam had already repacked his laptop.

           “Ready to go?” Dean asked you while looking at Sam.

           “Go? Go where?” Your gaze locked on to the space between the brothers.

           “Don’t know yet, but Michelle is gonna file a missing persons for you. When she does that, we should be at least a state away,” Sam patted your cousin’s back, but quickly removed his hand. She was not happy they were taking you away. You couldn’t blame her, but at the same time, you had no choice. Prison was the last place you wanted to figure your life out.

          “You okay with this?” You asked Michelle, ignoring Dean’s impatience as he grabbed your bag in one hand and the rest of the burgers in the other.

          “Are you certain that you are safe with them?” Michelle pressed.

          “Yes, I don’t know how to explain it, but they aren’t going to hurt me. They get nothing by helping me with this, Chelle. They’re just doing it because they can.” You shrugged, looking at Sam as he eased his stuff off the table beside you and followed Dean to the car.

          “You call me as soon as you stop. Then again at the next place,” Michelle warned.

          “I’ll call, but I can’t leave messages. They’ll be tracking your calls.” You explained apologetically.

          “Right, God, I don’t know how you know to think of all this stuff,” Michelle nodded in agreement.

          “Same way you knew to haul ass across town on foot, too many crime shows and sheer gut instinct.” You teased before opening your arms for one last hug.

          She smelled like the city at nighttime, crisp and gritty at the same time. 

          “Be safe,” Michelle warned as you headed out the door.

          “You too.” You stopped. “Thanks, for everything.”

          “Don’t worry about it, go, before they leave you behind.” Michelle insisted and in that moment you knew without a doubt, that would be a fate worse than prison after all.

           You crawled into the backseat of the massive black car and settled yourself in the dead center of the backseat. Dean cocked his eyebrows at you in the rearview and you exhaled.

          “So, where we headin’?” You asked whoever would answer.

          “South Dakota,” Dean answered.

          “Kansas,” Sam corrected.

          “Okay, I’ll let you figure it out, but I gotta pass out. Sam, remind me to call and hang up on Michelle when we stop,” you bunched up Dean’s flannel and curled up on the cold leather seat.

          “Can do,” Sam tossed back at you. They grumbled between themselves, but you didn’t bother trying to listen in. You had made your bed, the least you could do was actually get some rest before you had to lie in it.

^*^*^*^

Series tags: @tiggytaylor​ @vicmc624​ @kalesrebellion​

General SPN tags: @flamencodiva​ @dolphincliffs​ @dontshootmespence​ @thoughtslikeaminefield​  @fangirlxwritesx67 @dawnie1988​ @cosicas-cuquis​ @foxyjwls007​ @tumbler-tidbits​ @defenderrosetyler​ @ericaprice2008​ @princessofthefandomrealm​ @wingedcatninja​  @mrswhozeewhatsis​

^*^*^

Read On: Chapter Seven

[langdxn]

salvation part v: doomsday | outpost!michael x witch!reader

SUMMARY: The final confrontation between good and evil comes to its end. Will Michael survive?

WARNINGS: Angst. So. Much. Angst. Deaths, meddling with original timeline, a crying baby and a sneaky Xavier reference.

WORD COUNT: 1.6k

A/N: Strap yourselves in guys and dolls, the finale is here! I’ve adored this story since day one and your support has meant the absolute world to me, thank you to every single person who’s read, liked, reblogged and commented over the last few weeks. I may write an epilogue sometime but this is the end... for now.

part i | part ii | part iii | part iv

Michael stood frozen to the spot beside the birthing pool, staring intently at the space where his wife stood not seconds before.

His thoughts darted around frantically, trying to piece together what he had just witnessed. Desperately searching his memories for any hints over your years together, anything that could explain how you suddenly knew how to transmute.

She was a witch all along?

He shook his head aimlessly, dismissing his thoughts. He would’ve known, he must’ve known. He could sense every witch in the world, down to their last known location. You never once let on, in fact he never searched you for any suspicious activity because he had unquestionably trusted you ever since you first met. No spells could pass anywhere near him without his express knowledge, that’s just how his powers worked.

But you. You blocked everything. You placed a shield around you, an impenetrable curtain that kept out the Antichrist himself. There was only one explanation for you being able to subvert his powers.

You were more powerful than Michael Langdon. More powerful than the Alpha. More powerful than the Supreme. 

More powerful than Satan.

———

Miriam mewled peacefully in your arms, wiping her closed eyes with her tiny balled fists. Michael would do the same thing each and every morning, particularly if his alarm summoning him to another mundane Cooperative meeting invaded his dreamscape.

You hardly had time to process her arrival, your guiding light in the darkness finally making an appearance after nine exhausting months. Your legs could barely carry you, your body aching in places you didn’t know existed, your head faint and fuzzy as you lost more blood in the last few minutes than you ever had before. 

Your transmutation landed you in another unknown room in the endless corridors of Hawthorne, no indication of how far you’d travelled or even if you’d reappeared in a safe location. You hadn’t exactly had time to practice your spells over the years, there were more pressing matters at hand - the end of the world, for instance.

Spinning around in the room bathed in ominous yellow candlelight, you spotted a cluster of precarious tall pillar candles, a dark armoire in one corner and a plush velvet king-sized bed in another; crisp and tidy as if it hadn’t been slept in. Unleashing a sigh of relief at the seemingly peaceful atmosphere here, a metallic scent scorched the back of your throat. You made your way across the room to search what you assumed was the en-suite bathroom, but your stilettos slipped ungracefully on something wet beneath your feet. Clutching onto Miriam tightly, you regained balance and your gaze shot to your feet.

A gratuitous pool of fresh blood rippled beneath your heels. Perching Miriam on your knee, you crouched to dip a finger in the crimson liquid and your eyes rolled into your skull to initiate a vision.

A blonde woman in extravagant dress entered the chamber, ushering a masked, cloaked figure behind her. The woman dropped to her knees, grappling at the figure’s clothing. The figure removed their black mask to reveal a man’s weary features.

Brock.

“I know all about you, Coco,” he commanded. Tears pricked at your tear ducts as realisation hit - the scene you were reliving was the culmination of Brock’s arrival at the Outpost, what brought him to his death mere moments ago.

“Oh my god, Brock! How the fuck did you get in here? What happened to your face?” The woman scowled, examining his features.

“Radioactive fallout, cancer, cannibal attacks, infections that never heal,” he anxiously revealed.

“Oh honey, there wasn’t a minute in a day I didn’t think about you,” she pleaded with faux innocence. Coco protested weakly, tentatively grabbing his boil-ridden hand.

“I’m so happy,” she lied. “You’re back. You’re alive... you’re so angry.”

Without a blink, Brock sank his knife directly into her forehead, snarling as blood gushed from the wound almost instantly. Coco collapsed on the floor as the blood loss claimed her life, her eyes fixed open as crimson poured down her porcelain face.

“Happy Halloween, bitch,” Brock smirked.

Miriam’s disturbed cries bolted you back into the room, initiated by what sounded like raised voices in the corridors beyond the bedroom. You shushed the baby gently, a familiar, brash voice filling the silence left behind.

“Die again, fuck face!” Coco snapped from outside the bedroom door. Again?

You stepped quietly toward the door, pressing an ear to the wood.

“Normally that’d work,” Michael seethed at her, “but I’m nothing like normal.”

Anguished yelps, obscene squelching sounds of ripping wounds and the snapping of bones indicated Michael had indeed extinguished more threats to his survival.

This is it, you warned yourself. Time to step up. You paced to the bed and wrapped Miriam in its luxurious velour throws, planting a gentle kiss on your daughter’s forehead.

“Mommy will be right back for you baby, I promise. I have to go help daddy and you really won’t want to see this,” you cooed reassuringly, trying your hardest to communicate to a minutes-old baby that crying in this situation could threaten the safety of the world as you knew it. 

Placing a tender kiss on her impossibly small forehead, you burst out of the bedroom and clicked the heavy door shut behind you. A muttered incantation and a waved hand assured you nobody could reach your baby in your absence.

———

You scanned the golden corridors pointing in every direction, desperately hoping for a sign to point you towards your husband.

Catching a glimpse of Michael’s black boots stalking around a corner ahead of you, you paced gently behind him and tucked yourself into a doorway.

“How did you think this would end?” Michael scoffed, standing his ground in a marble doorway. “Prophecy is inevitable.”

“I was always going to win, Miss Supreme.”

“Not on your own,” a female retorted. “You’ve been led by the hand, coddled the entire way. By your father, the warlocks. I look at you and I don’t see a man. I see a sad, scared little boy so pathetic he couldn’t even kill me with a thousand nuclear bombs.”

“But I never expected to,” Michael sighed. “Like a cockroach, I knew you’d survive the nuclear fallout. I wanted you to. And now I’m gonna have the satisfaction of watching you die, knowing you failed.”

“You still don’t get it, do you? Even now. You think there’s only winning and losing, success and failure. But failure is when you’ve lost any semblance of hope. You will get to watch me die, but you won’t find it satisfying.”

A knife Michael clutched tightly suddenly floated away from him towards the Supreme.

“Satan has one son, but my sisters are legion, motherfucker.”

“Yes, I suppose we are, Cordelia,” you chimed.

The clacking of your stilettos shattered the silence between them as you took your place beside your husband, his jaw dropping as you entwined your fingers with his.

“Remember me, Ms Goode? Fourteen years ago, you begged me to come to Robichaux’s with you, hone my powers, discover my gifts, harness my talents... follow your lead.”

You cocked your head sarcastically, stepping forward to shield Michael in case the caped blonde lashed out at him in a last-ditch attempt.

“You knew I had potential even then. Your powers started to fade as soon as you stepped towards my house, you felt your dominance slipping through your fingers as soon as you laid eyes on me. The only reason you haven’t dropped dead already is because I refused to conform; to follow your lead; to shape myself into a perfect Cordelia carbon copy.”

Cordelia searched your face for answers, unable to comprehend a word. She was convinced she had won the battle and the war, as if the end of the world was as straightforward as good against evil. She stared at the dagger in her hand: helpless, powerless, alone.

“Go ahead, try it,” you tempted her. “See if sacrificing yourself will help your golden girl rise up. Don’t be surprised if it doesn’t work though, we both know tempus infinituum requires a potential Supreme to even make a half-assed attempt at it.”

“It would be a shame if the rising Supreme were... oh, I don’t know. Me?”

You raised a flat palm towards Cordelia, waggled your fingers in a facetious wave and a force compelled the Supreme to raise the knife in her hand, pointing to her chest.

“Ple-please, please don’t do this,” she wailed desperately as she stared at her hand moving without her consent, molten tears scorching her cheeks as the tip of the blade edged nearer her heart.

“Your sisters showed no mercy to Brock, Ms Mead, my husband. I don’t do mercy, Cordelia. I am the next Supreme.”

The blade slowly tore its way through her chest, a blood-curdling scream pouring from her ruby lips as she stumbled backwards, her eyes widening as she lost her footing and fell backwards to her death.

The shattering thud of Cordelia’s body hitting the bottom of the spiral staircase behind her commanded a stark silence. You gasped sharply as a bolt of energy burst through your chest, the bronze lights above you flickering wildly as they witnessed a transition of powers.

Michael’s boots clacked their way towards you and his arms snaked around your waist, turning you to face him as he leaned his forehead against yours. As his bloody fingertips gripped your hips reassuringly, an overwhelming relief tinged with amazement washed over his blood-splattered, exhausted face.

“Bitchin’ kill, babe. I call next.”

------

One final tag team! @codyfernmorelikedaddyfern​ @psychobitchtess​ @theinevitableprophecy​ @leatherduncan​ @abbyjforman​ @melodylangdon​ @shadyrindt​ @hplotrfan​ @littlegirlsdontplaynice​ @bluebirdbts​ 🖤🖤🖤

[grimey--gal]

Prompt: A serial killer is after Andy! When Chucky finds out he goes and rescues him just in the nick of time( cause no one is gonna kill Andy but him) much to Andy’s confusion

Woof sorry this is so so late. 

When Andy doesn’t pick up the phone, he’s not immediately worried. Andy is not the most technologically conscientious, and neither is he. It’s one of the many small things that had made him connect with Andy, whether they’d liked it or not. Most days, he’s starting to like it. He’s not sure what to do about this. 

He doesn’t bother calling again, assuming. Andy has been late before, when he’s taking stock. A part of him wants to go down and help, but a part of him is too lazy to leave off the couch, and besides, he likes to think he’s done enough work around the apartment to feel justified in only smoking and painting at a half assed work on a canvas at least twice his size. Besides, he isn’t all too ready to admit that he actually misses the guy. 

He definitely doesn’t. At all.

When a couple of hours pass, he starts to worry, and he does not like this. There is no reason why he should be worried. Andy should be dead and he should not care. Hell, he should be the reason Andy is dead. That should have happened awhile ago. Their strange compromise of coexistence should not have erased his thirst to bring Andy to ruin, and yet, he’s continually put that doomsday off. It’s been nice, just lounging around and smoking and drinking with him, even falling into the same habit of binge watching bad cable on the weekends. It’s been nice to air-rift the same guitar solos on CDs that they both enjoy listening to. 

They both pretend it doesn’t happen, and this is yet another thing that Chucky likes. Andy feels just as awkward about it as him, and they see each other eye to eye on this. They’re both on the same page. It brings a comfortableness that almost make him more uncomfortable. It’s all a paradox, when he thinks about it.

He knows something is off when it hits eleven, and Andy is not home. Andy is an extreme hermit of sorts; he doesn’t like to be out late. Even if he doesn’t actually sleep until three or four in the morning (don’t ask him how he knows this, he won’t tell you), Andy is always home before eleven. There is the rare exception when he goes to Kristen’s, but for a while now, he’s started to tell him this. Chucky doesn’t know when that’s started to happen, and he doesn’t know why. It’s one of the many things that make him feel a certain tugging in certain places he’d thought he’d closed off. 

He calls again, and this time, when the phone doesn’t pick up, he starts to feel a suspicious panic. He has never been someone to not be dramatic, so of course he thinks of the worst. 

He scrolls through the apartment phone’s call list until he finds Kristen’s, dialing it and ignoring the usual tension he gets from interacting with her. 

“Hey!” comes her voice, sharp and energetic. “What’s up?”

“Is Andy with you?” he asks, even though he knows the answer. She is obviously assuming he is Andy, so Andy can’t be there. 

“Oh,” she says, voice dropping to that defensive and hostile tone. “It’s you. What do you want?” 

“Obviously I want to know where the little fucker is,” he replies, feeling brave simply because he’s on the other end of the line. There’s something about Kristen DeSilva, and he doesn’t know what it is, but he feels something ancient and dark in her. It’s always scared him, just a little, but he’ll never admit it. He finds it eerily similar to when he prays to Lwa. “But I’m guessing he’s not with you.”

“No,” she says, and his heart drops. Fuck. He doesn’t like this at all. He doesn’t like what this situation is forcing him to feel. “You didn’t check in the shop? You can’t be that lazy that you can’t walk down some steps to find the answer. Surely he’s still just working on something late.”

She pauses, and then continues, biting, “If I were him, I’d find any excuse to not be around you for as long as I could.” 

He has to bite his tongue to not be crass. It’s a more difficult feat than you’d think, especially for his character. But she has a point, and he hangs up before she can say anything else to make him more irate. He should have just checked. Andy is probably down there now, and will wonder why he’s even looking for him, which is awkward and strange, but stranger still, he’d rather that terseness than the pit swallowing him whole right now. 

He does not want to describe the way the pit grows when he comes down to find the shop open and empty. The door has not even been locked. 

He tries to find some sort of clue as to why Andy would have left the shop like this. Andy is not irresponsible. He would not leave this way unless something had happened. He entertains the thought of something happening to his mother, and tries to calm himself down with this. Perhaps Karen Barclay fell ill, and Andy just left without thinking to tell anyone. But even then, at some point he would have to call someone to let them know. And honestly, Chucky is not sure that anything would make him not at least lock the front door. 

There is no stock, no sign of inventory being updated. This is only all the more worrying. He calls again, this time from the store phone, and when he does, he hears the buzzing of a cellphone just underneath the store counter. His heart drops.

“No,” he says aloud, in disbelief. He’s in disbelief at the situation, and the panic and anger that starts to bubble up to his throat. It tastes like acid. But he opens the drawer, and sure enough, there is Andy’s phone, buzzing away at the call. There are several missed ones, two from Kristen, ten from him. Something about this embarrasses him. 

He snatches the phone up from the drawer and slams it against the floor, watching it crack. It doesn’t bring Andy back, and he knew it wouldn’t, but something inside him hoped the destruction would bring him a little joy. It’s disappointing to find that it doesn’t. 

“Andy, where the hell are you?” he shouts, to an empty store. There is no response, save for a loud and intruding beating in his throat. 

______

Well.... I’m drunk.

 Lemme know if you want me to finish this.

[homespork-review]

HOMESPORK ACT 5 ACT 1: Mobius Double Plusungood, Part 2

BRIGHT: Nepeta wants to know what’s going on. Aradia finally stops dodging the question and tells Nepeta she’s dead, but doesn’t elaborate on how it happened. She asks Nepeta to keep it a secret, which Nepeta agrees to. Aradia’s also picked up some froglike traits from being merged with the sprite -- namely a tendency to ribbit.

In retrospect, it’s kind of funny that an active player can merge with a sprite. The role of a sprite seems to involve having detailed knowledge of how the Game works and what the player should do next, but only dispensing vague advice to the player. Prototyping a player would give them full access to that knowledge with no sprite vagueness to get in the way. The Game doesn’t seem too concerned about that, though.

CHEL: Now it’s time to get to know AG better. A doodle of her declaring her to be a HUGE BITCH fades into her standing in her room. Rather gothic, and also filthy-looking; it’s dark, with a red sky outside, and cobwebs and broken Magic 8 Balls lie around everywhere. There’s a FLARP poster and numerous pages of notes on the wall.

Your name is VRISKA SERKET.

You are a master of EXTREME ROLE PLAYING. You can't get enough of it, or really any game of high stakes and chance. You have persisted with the habit even in spite of your ACCIDENT. But then again, you don't have much choice.

Your lusus is VERY HUNGRY, ALL THE TIME. She can only be appeased by the FLESH OF YOUNG TROLLS. You cloud campaigns for teams of Flarpers, utilizing your abilities for ORCHESTRATING THE DEMISE OF THE IMPRESSSSSSSSIONA8LE. Your victories supply you with treasure, experience points, and SPIDER FOOD.

You are something of an APOCALYPSE BUFF, which is something you can be on Alternia. You are fascinated by end of the world scenarios, and enjoy constructing DOOMSDAY DEVICES for the hell of it. You are drawn to means of DARK PROGNOSTICATION and the advantages they offer, particularly in gaming scenarios. Your abilities in this department were hobbled with the loss of your VISION EIGHTFOLD, and you have since sought alternatives through various BLACK ORACLES. You consult with these ominous globes, but routinely destroy them in frustration over the PUZZLING GUARANTEED INACCURACY of their predictions. Breaking them has developed into a habit BORDERING ON FETISHISTIC, and with each you destroy, you add to an insurmountable stockpile of TERRIBLE LUCK. You have to stop. But addiction is a powerful thing.

FAILURE ARTIST: FINALLY we get a name for her and we don’t have to keep saying AG. I imagine the non-Homestucks are feeling like I did when I played Danganronpa 2 finally and saw the “fingers-in-his-ass” guy.

CHEL: She examines a drawing on the wall, of her FLARP character MARQUISE SPINNERET MINDFANG, who is just Vriska in a different coat and seaboots, with a hook instead of her robot hand. She is the scourge of land dwellers and sea dwellers alike, and worst nightmare to silly BOY-SKYLARKS everywhere. She has accumulated more treasure and gained more levels than any member of the PETTICOAT SEAGRIFT class ever. She gained all the levels. All of them.

En route to her computer, Vriska steps on a D4, and complains about how she’s had terrible luck since her mysterious accident. I’d just like it noted that this is a small but noticeable occurrence of Vriska’s tendency to blame others for her problems; if she cleaned her room some time, that wouldn’t happen. Still, she doesn’t worry about it too long, as she’s busy.

So many irons in the fire. Such a tangled web. It is a web full of flaming irons and mixed metaphors.

BRIGHT: Vriska equips her weapon of choice, a set of enchanted D8 dice called the FLUORITE OCTET.

...okay, I’m getting used to characters having semi-absurd weapons, but seriously, what? Let’s review everyone else’s chosen weapons: Hammer, knitting needles, sword, gun, sickles, lance, clawed gloves, walking cane. Sollux had some throwing stars but didn’t assign them to his specibus owing to his telekinesis being enough; we haven’t seen Aradia’s strifekind yet, but she also has telekinetic abilities, and hers are apparently enhanced by her being dead. So that’s a lot of genuine weapons, and some things which aren’t weapons but can readily be used that way in a pinch...and then Vriska has a set of enchanted dice.

It’s a good fit both for Homestuck’s absurdity and for Vriska’s obsession with luck. But it does stand out rather.

Anyway, rolling the dice will execute a wide range of highly unpredictable attacks. Very high rolls can be devastating to even the most powerful opponents. Apparently these work everywhere, not just in FLARP games. Also, while we see ghosts, psychic powers, and superpowered coding, I think this is the only reference to plain magic we have on Alternia.

Vriska steps away from the computer to avoid talking to GA, who she refers to as an unwelcome solicitor, but returns to it when someone else starts messaging her. Vriska calls him this guy; he has no icon -- and, oddly, no username -- and types in white, which means the reader (and Vriska) ends up highlighting the conversation a lot. 

Hello.

AG: Oh my god, why are you talking to me????????

This is the last time we'll ever talk.

AG: Still sticking with the white text I see. So smooth and stylish!

AG: I forgot how much I loved highlighting it to read all the 8oring things you have to say.

AG: It's like a fun game for super extra handicapped retarded people. Like opening a present! Find out what o8noxious thing the mystery tool typed.

AG: What is it!

A parting courtesy, I suppose.

All the ways I've exploited you were meant to bring about the events that will take place this evening.

Knowing this will provide context for the events in your near future, and will affect how you behave in response.

These events will be just as important as those preceding it.

I've gone to great lengths, you see. 

Well, this guy sounds ominous.

Also, using ‘handicapped’ and ‘retarded’ as insults is entirely in character for Vriska, who has no time for people who can’t operate on her level. Currently Vriska’s also being shown as an unlikeable character. We’ll see how that develops.

CHEL: Still, a lot of people really don’t like those words being used casually, and the fact that we need to show you how things develop should imply that they won’t develop in a way you’ll like. So…

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 39

White Text Guy, as the characters refer to him for a while to come yet, continues gloating about how successfully he’s exploited Vriska, who tells him she’ll log off and orders him not to use that nasty trick where you log me 8ack on out of petty douchey spite! WTG says he’ll be brief, though he’s not particularly brief in fact, tells her he no longer hold[s] her accountable for any wrongdoing, and says that if she accepts this, she may get her luck back. Vriska doesn’t believe him and continues to rant, and he points out that her unpleasant, simplistic temperament is what made her so easy to mess with.

If you turn a swarm of wasps on a crowd, the outcome is certain.

He leaves with these even more ominous words:

Though the magnitude of the ensuing destruction resulting directly from your actions will be neither possible or necessary for you to fathom, there nevertheless ought to be a silver lining.

The only question is whether you will live long enough to see it.

Vriska, enraged, lifts a Magic 8 Ball with the intention to smash it, but decides she can’t be bothered, and answers GA, hoping some camaraderie will cheer her up, even if it’s from a meddler. However, GA’s first question is “Is Your Lusus Dead Yet”. Not particularly cheering, is it?

Vriska, for the first time, expresses concern and sympathy for another person when GA says her own lusus is dead, though it may be undermined slightly by her own personal disappointment in never having got to meet said lusus. GA doesn’t seem very concerned, and says “Maybe You Still Can”. According to her, though, all their lusii are dying, as a “Preemptive Consequence” (if that’s a meaningful concept) of the upcoming Game. Karkat blames himself for activating the cursed code, but GA thinks it was inevitable. However, Karkat’s idea of a curse Is Inseparable From His Perception Of Events As Intrinsically Negative And As Tailored To His Personal Dissatisfaction, and so is Vriska’s poor luck. GA points out that if Vriska cleaned her floor she wouldn’t step on so many things. THANK YOU, GA, you made my point for me! Vriska is angry at GA “meddling” so, and demands to know why she does.

GA: Because Youre Dangerous

[...]

GA: Its Ok To Be Dangerous

GA: Lots Of People Are

GA: And Dangerous People Can Be Really Important

GA: Maybe Even The Most Important Sometimes

GA: But It Just Means Theres Got To Be Someone Around To Keep An Eye On Them

As Vriska gets angrier, it’s noted that she puts 8s in her typing in places where they don’t work as Bs or as “eight” sounds, and they become more numerous.

AG: Or you know, if you're so h8gh 8nd might8 an8 th8nk you're so gr8at, m8y88 you c8uld oh I d8n't kn8w........

AG: TRY AND ST8P ME FROM DO8NG B8D THINGS????????

GA: That Wouldnt Work

GA: If I Tried To Stop You You Would Regard Me As An Enemy

GA: Instead Of Merely As A Nuisance

BRIGHT: GA’s strategy appears to be trying to talk Vriska into being a better person, either by persuading her that it’s the right thing to do or by being so annoying that Vriska does the right thing to avoid being meddled with. She’s making an effort, I’ll give her that. And given that she doesn’t live anywhere near Vriska, there isn’t all that much she can do to rein her in.

CHEL: Vriska signs off, ranting about her “Lousy st8pid godd8mn supportive friend!” and heads down the enormous staircase to check on her lusus.

You wonder if any other kid on the planet has such a high maintenance lusus? You DOUBT it.

As a matter of fact, one does and Vriska knows that, but we’ll see them later. Not a continuity error, it’s just Vriska self-pitying.

From a window, we see a doomsday device hanging over a chasm by chains attached to the surrounding cliffs. Vriska built it for an especially powerful and influential member of the nautical aristocracy, with help from an as-yet-unnamed nearby friend. Vriska reaches the bottom of the stairwell, and we meet her lusus, which is…

… a spider about the size of a cathedral. For the sake of our arachnophobic readers, we’ll refrain from posting a picture. Suffice it to say she’s as terrifying as she sounds. Pan out to show the entire valley is filled with cobwebs, and Vriska’s hive is matched by a similar one on the other side of the valley.

Before we move on, I’d just like to chat a little about the astrological symbolisms used here. Vriska’s the Scorpio troll, and it puzzles a lot of people that she’s spider-themed instead of scorpion-themed. Both arachnids, but not the same thing. However, Scorpio does have multiple symbols, depending on the source of the interpretation of the constellation, including the spider and the phoenix. Observe! (I enjoy astrology. Sue me.) Also, a scorpion would be a lot harder to get the story symbolism out of; Vriska is at least attempting to be a master manipulator pulling on strings, i.e. webs. The astrological symbolism and alleged personality traits aren’t used for all of the trolls in general, either. The troll with the sign of Aquarius the Water-Bearer is seadwelling nobility and probably wouldn’t be happy to be represented astrologically by a servant, and Gamzee is basically the opposite of the ambitious and hardworking traits of the allegedly typical Capricorn. Basically the signs are mostly aesthetic and if Huss can work in some connected symbolism that’s a bonus. I don’t consider this a negative thing in particular, though it might annoy some astrology buffs.

Actually, I don’t know how intentional this was, but one fan actually analysed how the social expectations on Alternia are in fact the exact opposite of what would actually suit their astrological sign. It didn’t get finished but there’s some interesting information - read the posts in question here, beware spoilers!

BRIGHT: One amusing consequence of this can be turned into a game: Go to Tumblr, find an astrology post, and see how long it takes to figure out if it’s a Homestuck riff. Some of them even just say ‘Vriska’ for Scorpio.

It’s probably just because I mostly follow fandom-related blogs, but I’ve yet to see a Tumblr astrology post that wasn’t a more-or-less-subtle Homestuck joke.

CHEL: And the ones which aren’t make for great fanfic prompts!

BRIGHT: Vriska’s lusus is fine, as it happens. Vriska pretends to be happy about this, but she’s rather less convincing than Dave is about his own guardianship issues. 

FAILURE ARTIST: And we turn from Vriska to look in her neighbor and it’s….that creepy guy! Hurray!

Your name is EQUIUS ZAHHAK.

You love being STRONG.

You are so strong, you would surely be the class of the elite legion of RUFFIANNIHILATORS. And while such a calling would be quite honorable, you would prefer to join the ranks of the ARCHERADICATORS, perhaps the most noble echelon the imperial forces have to offer. Unfortunately, you SUCK AT ARCHERY. You have not successfully fired a SINGLE ARROW. Every time you try, you BREAK THE BOW. You are simply too strong. You have broken so many bows, it has developed into a habit BORDERING ON FETISHISTIC. You have to stop. But addiction is a powerful thing.

You have a great appreciation for THE FINE ARTS. You use your aristocratic connections to acquire PRICELESS MASTERPIECES, painted in the oldest and most respected Alternian tradition of NUDE MUSCLEBEAST PORTRAITS. These striking depictions of the EXQUISITE FAUNA native to Alternia remind you of the PUREST PHYSICAL IDEAL that must be sought by anyone who professes a LOVE OF STRENGTH. When those of lesser bloodlines turn up their uncultured noses at such stunning material, it MAKES YOU FURIOUS.

Practically everything MAKES YOU FURIOUS. You have so much rage, it can only be expressed through STAGGERING QUANTITIES OF PHYSICAL VIOLENCE. You build strong and sturdy robots, set them to kill mode, and BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM in caged brawls. Sometimes you LOSE TEETH. But they usually grow back.

FAILURE ARTIST: Equius Zahhak’s first name is obviously a take on the Latin word for horses, but his last name is from a Persian demon who is also known as “he who has 10,000 horses”. 

So yes, that furry porn on his walls is high art to trolls. Though the prequel Hiveswap Friendsim, which has artist characters, doesn’t have MUSCLEBEAST PORTRAITS. Maybe Equius is actually weird.

CHEL: Actually, the Friendsim does have musclebeast art; if you squint at the beginning of Nikhee’s route, you can see depictions of white muscular chests flanking the arena, which don’t look like troll chests. Hiveswap proper is rated PG, so we’ll be spared it there, too.

FAILURE ARTIST: Equius is more even-tempered than his introduction suggests. He’s not completely violence-free (as we will see)  but he’s not in a constant ‘roid-rage. Heck, from what we’ve seen before of him he just gets peeved and snotty. 

Equius calls for his lusus Aurthour, who I guess could be called another self-insert. Aurthour is a centaur-type creature with cow udders and a mustache and looks like something out of Hussie’s early comics. Aurthour carries a glass of lusus milk on a platter, presumably from its own udders. Ummm. 

You cannot hope to beat Aurthour in a butler-off. He is simply the best there is.

Sweet, I guess.

CHEL: I wonder how Aurthour contorts around to reach his udder. Centaurs aren’t really known for flexibility.

FAILURE ARTIST: We find out why Aurthour has a shiner. It’s not because of domestic abuse but because when Equius “gently” pats Aurthour, Aurthour bruises. Yet this creature is the only lusus STRONG enough to raise Equius. 

Equius tries to drink the glass, but it shatters in his hand. Which begs the question of why Aurthour doesn’t use an alternative to glass. Well, I guess Equius going straight to the source would be too disturbing even for Hussie. A bigger problem is how Equius can do the fine detail work of building robots when he can’t hold a glass. 

Equius goes into a rage, which just means he stands around in Hero Mode while the lusus milk quickly evaporates. Wait, quickly evaporates? What is it made of?

CHEL: I assumed the heat of his rage boiled it.

FAILURE ARTIST: Equius tries to equiup equip a bow but fails due to his strength. Like the glass smashing, this is a normal occurrence. You’d think he’d give up but apparently breaking bows is like popping bubble wrap to him. Expensive bubble wrap. So he has the useless 1/2bowkind, a bowkind for when he’s ever that lucky, and the fistkind which he actually utilizes. Yes, in Homestuck, you can register your fists as lethal weapons. 

Equius talks with Nepeta and the narration summarizes like thus:

CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no

Equius is still worried about his good friend Nepeta, so he decides to relieve his stress by talking with another friend. And here comes a line fans take as meaning trolls don’t have friendship. 

It should be noted that in troll language, the word for friend is exactly the same as the word for enemy.

Though that line contradicts Equius considering Nepeta his friend only a few lines back. This worldbuilding sucks. 

CHEL: Well, he doesn’t treat her the way a human should treat a friend at this point.

FAILURE ARTIST: So Equius trolls this frienemy who turns out to be Gamzee.

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

CT: D --> Have I ever told you what a reprehensible disgrace you are

TC: hAhA, fUcK yEaH, oNlY eVeRy MoThErFuCkIn DaY bRo!  

Yeah, Equius, pretty much everyone tells Gamzee that every day. 

Equius says he wants get some things off his chest, which giving what we later learn about troll relationships might be adulterous. Gamzee tells him not to let his feelings be bottled up lIkE a FuCkIn AlL sHaKeD uP bOtTlE oF fAyGo and this metaphor makes Gamzee thristy. Equius berates Gamzee for drinking soda, which seems harsh but we later find out soda is booze for trolls. He’s also angry at Gamzee for doing sopor slime. Now, fans think Karkat didn’t like Gamzee doing sopor slime but we never actually see it. It’s just Equius who cares. This leads to an exchange I find interesting.

CT: D --> You will stop

TC: WhOaAaA, i WiLl?

TC: hOw Do YoU kNoW tHaT?

CT: D --> No, you don't understand

CT: D --> It's not a predi%ion, it's an order

CT: D --> I command you to stop

Gamzee is so passive he finds it hard to imagine making decisions that will change his future. Sad. And when Gamzee does get what Equius means:

TC: Oh, AlRiGhT bRoThEr.

TC: yOu MoThErFuCkIn GoT iT.

CT: D --> What

CT: D --> Are you serious

TC: yEaH.

TC: I mEaN, yOu GoT tO sHoW sOmE fAiTh In YoUr FrIeNdS, cAuSe ThEy'Re AlL tHe OnEs WhO'rE bEiNg To LoOk OuT fOr YoU.

TC: sO fUcK iF yOu SaY i'M nOt DoInG tHe ShIt RiGhT, tHeN wHaT tHe MoThErFuCk Do I kNoW!

CT: D --> No

CT: D --> This is una%eptable

CT: D --> Ok, let's start over

CT: D --> I apologize

CT: D --> I was completely out of of line, and I'm sorry

CT: D --> I have no right to talk to you like that, or tell you what you can't do

TC: aWw, No WoRrIeS!

Gamzee was ready to kick sopor slime except Equius backed down. Wondering about the timeline where Equius didn’t back down. 

Still, Equius begs Gamzee to behave like a superior. Gamzee asks what that means and Equius gives a very creepy answer.

CT: D --> 100k, it isn't that difficult

CT: D --> Try to be cognizant of your desires and needs

CT: D --> And attempt to regard those around you as simple vehicles meant to bring about your gratification

At least Equius is a hypocrite...most of the time.

Equius asks what Gamzee is doing and Gamzee relates his adventures in Sgrub. He bonked an imp on the head and scared another with a horn and eventually ended up sharing pie with them. Equius likes the tales of valor but is disappointed with the peaceful end. 

Equius asks Gamzee to roleplay and Gamzee says yes; there’s an uncomfortable sequence where Equius tries to get Gamzee to virtually dom him. Gamzee is terrible at being assertive, but Equius is still whipped into a state of contrition. Basically, Equius is getting off on this. 

CHEL: It should be noted that tricking a child into sexual behaviour is a form of abuse even when it’s done by a child of the same age. Not cool, Eq, and not funny, Hussie.

CALL CPA PLEASE: 11

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 40

SEND THEM TO THE SLAMMER: 4

Though, while that is clearly the reading we’re meant to get from that, I have to say Equius never reads to me like he’s actually enjoying being ordered around. With Gamzee he’s just frustrated that he’s not behaving in a correct manner, and in later exchanges he seems knocked off-balance by the normal social order being upended. I know I’m just projecting, but it reads more like he has some issues with anxiety or OCD and is desperate for someone else to take control and tell him what they want him to do so he doesn’t have to worry. He sweats constantly during these exchanges, which is supposed to imply he’s aroused, but people sweat when they’re worried or afraid too.

FAILURE ARTIST: On a lighter front, Equius says he doesn’t live near the ocean, which considering his neighbor regularly goes on a pirate ship is an odd thing to say.

CHEL: How near is “near”? He might just mean not within walking distance so he can’t casually wander out to the sea like Gamzee does.

FAILURE ARTIST: Equius ends by wondering about the social order that puts someone like Gamzee above him but someone as graceful and poised as a certain mysterious she is of the lowest caste. Gamzee (and the readers) ask who she is and Equius brusquely says D -->I shouldn’t be talking about this D → You’re the enemy before signing off. 

CHEL: If one’s been paying attention, one can guess.

Next, Equius and Vriska are in cahoots. Cahoooooooots. Vriska declares her intention to meddle, and they have a brief exchange about sarcasm. It’s horribly inconsistent whether trolls have sarcasm or not, as I’ve pointed out before. Already gave a point for it, though.

Anyway, Vriska asks if Aradia’s present is finished. It is.

CT: D --> But I don't understand why you're intent on gratifying that worthless peasant

AG: 8ecause I promised I would and it's none of your damn 8usiness! Man.

Their plan is to let Aradia usurp Sollux as leader with her cute little ploy (recall her sending him to sleep and letting him swallow mind honey earlier), then both snatch power from her and become joint leaders. Each asks the other if they’re planning something sneaky and each insists they’re not. Equius can sense that Vriska is trying to read his mind, and when she won’t stop, he takes control of her cybernetic arm, which he built, and makes her slap herself in the face.

FAILURE ARTIST: So given that Vriska tried to read Equius’ mind, despite the dangers (both physically and mentally), it is unbelievable she refrained from reading Karkat’s due to delicacy. 

I think Hussie has said in his commentary that Vriska had a crush on Equius. The fandom prefers lesbian Vriska at this point and so has ignored that. YMMV on if there is evidence of a crush in the text but I find the idea amusing. 

CHEL: Equius goes to fetch the present for Aradia which he was supposed to give to Vriska.

You naturally will doublecross your accomplice, just as you assume she has plans to doublecross you. You assume she is assuming the same of you. Business as usual for blue bloods.

How the hell does this society get anything done?

You will deliver it to Aradia yourself to gain her favor, and then doublecross her and take your rightful position as team leader. How ironic that someone of your blood purity must work to win the favor of the lowest sort of peasant. Humiliating. Strangely titillating, even. But in the end, class order will be restored.

He takes the tarp off the present, and it is…

Why, Aradia. It appears the red glass of your eye has caught the pink and green glint of the moons in their perigees. The sweet poetry almost makes a man forget how the grime that once filled your veins made his stomach turn. It is a good omen for illicit lovers. Could you imagine the scandal if anyone found out?? No one must ever know.

But worry not. Your heart will pump no more of that despicable red sludge. You have been given a new heart. You can be taught the ways of the class you were always meant for. No one is beyond redemption.

Be grateful, dear Aradia. For the first time in your meaningless life you have met a man with true compassion.

Jesus fucking Christ. See what I meant when I said his interactions with girls were worse than his posters? No points because it’s supposed to be creepy, and with the teachings of his society it’s not entirely his fault, but wow.

FAILURE ARTIST: Well, his interaction with a girl is creepy. His relationship with Nepeta is more problematic than fans remember but that’s two-sided and not infatuation. As for Vriska, he’s cold and business-like with her. He collaborates with GA but that’s off-screen and was probably also business-like. Meanwhile, he has lustful interactions with most every male character. We’ve seen how he acts with Gamzee and we’ll see more later. Equius’ interactions with guys are another example of Hussie using male attraction to other males as a punchline.

CHEL: But yes, he’s built her a robot body. Unfortunately for everyone involved, while making out with it, he feels judged by one of his battlebots, gets angry, and punches it. It goes flying out the window and robosplodes above the valley, and its remains hit Vriska’s doomsday device, setting it off. It breaks before it can actually destroy the planet, but the chains holding it up snap, sending it swinging into the cliffside, causing another explosion. The cliff collapses, taking part of Equius’ hive with it, sending Aurthour plummeting into the chasm and crushing Vriska’s spider lusus under tons of rubble.

Cutting back to before that, we see Terezi battling imps on her treehouse’s rooftop, when Vriska messages her, declaring that playing the game together means breaking their truce. Terezi says that’s not what the truce was about; it was about STOPP1NG TH3 3NDL3SS CYCL3 OF R3V3NG3 and Vriska not using her powers maliciously anymore. Terezi’s next couple of comments are just calling Vriska a liar so I’ll just take Vriska’s, to further illustrate her behaviour.

AG: Man, you like to give me such a hard time a8out all that. I can't catch a 8reak! AG: Can't you see I'm trying to put all that 8ehind me and make amends with every8ody? AG: No, of course you can't see that. What am I saying! [...] AG: I'll prove it to you. I'm giving Aradia a present that will make her feel all 8etter finally. AG: Then I'll 8e in the clear. Phew! Totally redeemed. You'll see. I mean smell.

Vriska appears under the impression that large flashy gestures are the important part of an apology, not actual sincerity. Terezi points out Aradia doesn’t care about anything anymore and probably won’t care about this.

AG: Man, why can't you cut me some slack for once???????? AG: It's not like I even did anything that 8ad to you. AG: I lost seven eyes 8ut you only lost two! I would say you came out ahead in the 8argain. GC: 1 KNOW GC: 4ND 4CTU4LLY GC: 1 N3V3R R34LLY GOT TH3 CH4NC3 TO TH4NK YOU >:D

Vriska’s disbelief aside, Terezi really is serious here. Not surprising to the reader, her blindness is basically a superpower.

AG: Remem8er Team Scourge? How convenient all that must 8e to have forgotten! You were so nasty. AG: Oh man, if you crossed Terezi Pyrope you were fucked!!!!!!!! GC: Y34H 1F YOU W3R3 4 B4D GUY GC: W3 W3R3 SUPPOS3D TO B3 L1K3 4 V1G1L4NT3 DUO D1SP3NS1NG JUST1C3 GC: 4ND YOU COULD T4K3 TH3 B4D GUYS HOM3 4ND F33D TH3M TO YOUR STUP1D SP1D3R GC: BUT 1NST34D YOU JUST F3D H3R 3V3RYBODY! GC: 4ND L13D 4ND L13D 4ND L13D

Okay, this little exchange needs some more dissection. Terezi is supposed to be the “good cop” of Team Scourge, the by-the-book one on the side of the law. But we saw what Alternian law is like, and later on we’ll see demonstrations that things such as having a birth defect or, according to Hiveswap, owning fiction which so much as mentions the possibility of rebellion, are punishable by death. Not only is this not making Terezi look any better, if she’s as obsessed with the law as we saw, who would she deem not a “bad guy”, and why would Vriska have such a shortage of “bad guys” that she’d need to take anyone else? Hussie appears to have forgotten that the Alternian concept of justice is different from the Earth one.

FAILURE ARTIST: And what we would consider a “bad guy” wouldn’t be the same on Alternia. There’s tons of trolls murdering other trolls on Hiveswap Friendsim without any hint that’s illegal. It’s probably completely lawful for a highblood to kill a lowblood just because the lowblood annoyed them.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 29

BRIGHT: Maybe. I’d say what this shows us, and is intended to show us, is that Terezi’s sense of justice isn’t just based on Alternian law, but on her own moral code. The law made it perfectly acceptable for Vriska to feed lowbloods to her lusus regardless of whether they’d done anything, but Terezi didn’t think it was right, and for her that superseded the law. She’s the ‘good cop’ not because she always follows the book, but because she’s willing to ignore it.

We also know she thought Vriska was on the same page as her. Note that Terezi makes two accusations here — the first is that Vriska killed people who don’t deserve it, and the second is that Vriska lied to Terezi about doing so.

CHEL: That may be what it’s intended to show us, but what we’ve already seen is that she worships the law; she draws and gleefully licks pictures of the head of the troll court, His Honorable Tyranny, and she shows no concern in her roleplay with hypothetically executing people for relatively trivial crimes. That makes this a bit… shaky, IMO.

BRIGHT: True. Terezi may have stopped killing since her FLARP days (or, at least, we get no indication that she’s still doing so), but it doesn’t seem to have shaken her belief in the Alternian legal system. Just her belief in Vriska, who even brings up a similar point.

AG: Well if you want to know what I think, you should start changing your tune. AG: Cause even though you got all these highfalutin morals and fancy reserv8tions, you know as well as me that a killer is a killer is a killer! AG: There 8n't no ch8nging your ways for good, and one d8y you're going to flail that silly l8ttle cane of yours and not find n8thin to 8ump into, and fall f8ce first into the shit ag8in. AG: And you're going to do something t8rri8le to some8ody and wish you could t8ke it 8ack 8ut you c8n't!!!!!!!! AG: And then you'll work hard to win 8ack their trust, and you'll try and try and tr8, and you'll see how hard it is! AG: You'll seeeeeeee!

Vriska’s making this all about her own feelings about Terezi abandoning her, but she’s not wrong.

Vriska hears the doomsday device exploding and the subsequent rockslide, and goes to  find out what it is. Terezi tells her not to get crushed.

The next page jumps back in time again -- this time, quite far back. Terezi’s eyes are normal, and she’s talking to Aradia about Tavros’s recovery. Aradia says he’s probably paralysed for life. Terezi brings up the possibility of getting him robo-prosthetics, but after the Vriska debacle Aradia is firmly against having anything to do with bluebloods.

CHEL: Terezi warns Aradia that revenge attempts will end badly and she wants to handle it. Aradia says Vriska isn’t able to control her, but Terezi says Vriska will find a way to harm her anyway. They lament how they were both distracted by the same person.

AA: wh0 was he anyway GC: PR3TTY SUR3 1T WAS VR1SKAS FR13ND AA: what was he d0ing there AA: watching us GC: WHO KNOWS GC: H3S NOT R34LLY H3R FR13ND THOUGH GC: YOU SHOULD S33 HOW H3 T4LKS 4BOUT H3R B3H1ND H3R B4CK GC: SH3 H4S NO 1D34 HOW B4D H3S PL4Y1NG H3R GC: BUT TH3N 1 DONT TH1NK H3 KNOWS HOW B4D SH3S PL4Y1NG H1M 31TH3R

This sounds like they mean Equius, but we’ll see. Aradia feels she’s letting Vriska win by doing nothing, but Terezi has a plan. She confirms that her friendship with Vriska is over.

Cut to Aradia’s house, and here I need to go into a bit more detail. This is her house:

Aradia’s a maroonblood, the lowest of the low on the hemospectrum, peasantry and cannon fodder and supposedly extremely numerous. Yet her house looks to be about the size of the entire block of flats I live in, and she lives in it alone, with no other buildings at all in sight. In the next page, we see inside her house, which looks exactly the same as all the others; she has piles of roleplaying books and posters and a computer, and nothing looks to be in disrepair.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 30

BRIGHT: Her house also looks a lot like Tavros’s, what with the windmill feature on top and the brown hangings rather than maroon, which threw me off at first.

CHEL: We’ll talk about this more later. For now, let’s stick with the most noticeable thing; Aradia is alive! Her skirt is untattered and her eyes have colour and pupils. Her lusus is alive too, napping beside her. It’s not quite clear what it is exactly; it has a sheep-like head, but its body is long and slim with much bigger hind legs than forelegs. Could be supposed to be dragon-like? I’ve also seen it interpreted as kangaroo-like. I don’t think we ever get a better view of it.

Anyway, Aradia knows Terezi’s advice is sound, but she can’t bear not to do something to Make her pay. She puts her hands up to her temples, and the image fades back and forth with one of wrapped troll corpses in Spidermom’s web…

It's a shame it had to come to this. You don't like summoning the spirits of the dead to settle scores.

But if she had to face her victims again, maybe she'd finally learn to feel remorse.

OOOOOOOOOO

This begs the question, how the fuck can the highbloods oppress people who not only hugely outnumber them but can shoot lasers from their eyes, control animals, and summon the dead at will? Well, there’s actually some explanation for that. The player trolls all appear to have unusual levels of power, for whatever their given powers are; most maroonbloods can’t do this. In Hiveswap a main character is a more typical maroonblood, who can just about bend spoons with his telekinesis and not much else (though we haven’t seen him speak with dead yet, and it’s possible he’s better at that). Not all trolls even have their caste’s powers, as far as I can tell, as we do see a yellow in Hiveswap Friendsim who’s not a psionic and some ceruleans who don’t seem to have mind-control powers as well. Head or eye injuries, which aren’t exactly rare in Alternia, can cause the loss of said powers. Also, the highest blood castes have powers of their own and other things to hold over the lowbloods’ heads. It’ll be a while till we get to that, but I’ll say now it is convincing, we do not have an Oppressed Mages scenario.

Anyway, Aradia does her thing…

As Vriska cowers on her floor, White Text Guy messages her again. Vriska replies angrily, ghosts looming over her shoulders.

Aren't you going to kill her?

AG: Who????????

Your friend.

The one who summoned the spirits.

AG: Will that make them go away?

Does it matter?

She brought them here to torment you. This obviously warrants revenge.

Vriska asks why WTG doesn’t kill Aradia instead, since he helped kill Tavros; he replies “All I did was stand somewhere for a few minutes. I just gave you an opportunity to do something you wanted to do anyway.” So, seems it wasn’t Equius they meant earlier. Vriska protests she never intended to kill her gaming companions, and blames him.

Again, I didn't talk you into anything, nor am I doing so now.

You were, and are, going to do this regardless.

I only ever place myself into positions of tangential involvement with events that will bring about my employer's entry into this universe.

I oversee the events as they take place, and ever so slightly nudge them into motion when necessary.

BRIGHT: Looks like Aradia and Terezi haven’t told her Tavros survived, which is eminently sensible. This conversation also highlights another Vriska trait: That she’s a very active person, but will try to shift responsibility as soon as she doesn’t like the consequences. That could be a result of her upbringing -- Vriska had to actively go and kill people for Spidermom, but she wasn’t responsible for the overall situation. (Although -- how much did she do to ameliorate it? By the time SGRUB starts, Spidermom’s far too big to fit into Vriska’s home. Vriska might have been able to get away with not feeding her at that point; there’s not much Spidermom can do if she can’t get to her.)

CHEL: The later addition to the canon, Pesterquest, claims that the lusii can psychically nag their charges and she could bother Vriska that way, but that directly contradicts Act 5, in which the trolls want to prototype their lusii so that they’ll be able to communicate properly with them for the first time, and also couldn’t Vriska just move further away?

BRIGHT: Inertia is very much a thing, and people do often just settle into a rut of ‘this is the way things are’ even when something could be changed, so it’s not improbable that it wouldn’t occur to Vriska to move — come to that, I don’t believe it occurs to anyone else either — but the fact that it doesn’t occur to her does say something about her character. 

CHEL: Also, why didn’t Vriska feed the spider on animals? The possibility is never so much as considered by her or anyone else, though it seems the most obvious thing to do. Sure, the spider might be picky, but as we said, it can’t leave the valley due to its size, or it’d be hunting for itself. If it’s left with the choice to eat cows or die, it’d presumably pick the former, especially since the lusii aren’t supposed to be sapient and thus wouldn’t have the capacity for spite. For assuming that Vriska did what she had to when such a screamingly obvious better option is never addressed, here we go with a new count, which will rise whenever Vriska’s horrible actions are excused.

ALL THE LUCK: 1

 Back to the scene, Scratch claims omniscience, which Vriska mocks.

AG: Sure you know a lot, 8ut I know for a FACT there's stuff you don't know.

That's true.

But the gaps in my knowledge exist by design.

They are the pillars of shadow on which my comprehensive vision is built.

Necessary pockets of void meant to effectuate outcomes I've foreseen and which will require my influence.

Each dark pocket, in time, will be filled.

[...]

I don't lie.

Deception is only necessary for those like you to achieve their objectives.

I play with my cards face up.

Isn't it funny how during our various matches, I can tell you what my moves will be in advance, and still win?

Vriska, angered by this, does in fact plan to kill Aradia; Not much point in living with all these moaning spooks just to spite some guy you don't give a shit about. She can’t control Aradia because Aradia’s own powers get in the way, but there are other people she can use.

How about this guy? Unfortunately, you can only control him about half the time.

Then again, that should be all the time you need.

Cut back to Aradia’s place, and she receives a message from Vriska, telling her her boyfriend is outside. 

BRIGHT: Vriska also lightheartedly tells Aradia she’s sorry, and that she’ll make it up to ‘him’ someday. Presumably ‘he’ is meant to be Tavros, except that Vriska seemed to think Tavros was dead in literally the last conversation she had. This is probably just a slip-up on Hussie’s part, but it’s possible to read this as Vriska referring to a different ‘he’ entirely, considering what’s about to happen.

CHEL: Aradia looks, and sees a figure hovering telekinetically over the fields....

Note what’s in his hand. You do not under any circumstances eat the mind honey… His eyes start flashing and Aradia looks afraid, but we suddenly cut to a view of Alternia, and then to a closeup of its green moon. The prompt instructs us to Be the white text guy, and we meet him in a very familiar-looking green mansion.

You try to be the white text guy, but fail to be the white text guy. No one can be the white text guy except for the white text guy.

The white text guy is known as Doc Scratch.

He is an officer of an indestructible demon known as Lord English. His job is to pave the way for the arrival of his master, who will be summoned upon the termination of the universe. He has worked at this task for many centuries, and will continue to do so until THE GREAT UNDOING.

Scratch is Alternia's FIRST GUARDIAN. Every planet destined for intelligent life has such an entity meant to protect it, and facilitate the planet's ultimate purpose. A first guardian is typically almost as old as the planet itself, and each has a unique, circuitous origin through the knots of paradox space. They can be born into a great diversity of forms, though they all share a common, especially potent genetic sequence. 

Remember Rose’s MEOW book, and how DD used it to create Becquerel? Yep.

The code grants them near omnipotence, and when merged with a host of great intelligence, near omniscience as well.

BRIGHT: Only near-omniscence, however. Scratch is surprised to find Terezi contacting him, but he’s able to work out that she got Sollux to help pretty fast:

Occasionally I discover there are things I have not always known.

It gives me the opportunity to make deductions, which are practically always flawless.

It's gratifying.

He also suggests she call him ‘Mr. Vanilla Milkshake’, and then hints that Aradia might not be straightforwardly dead by stating that Sollux and Terezi believe she is dead, and will soon believe she is not, both of which are true statements about their beliefs rather than reality.

Props to Hussie on this: I’m pretty sure every Homestuck fan wants to punch Scratch in the face. He’s just so obnoxious. 

Terezi, however, refuses to let Scratch keep derailing her for long. She wants Scratch to get involved in their feud again, and she has a good reason for him: She knows how Vriska’s been able to come so close to beating Scratch in their games lately. Before she can tell him, though, she needs to talk to Vriska again.

She starts by asking how Vriska feels about killing Aradia, after she promised not to. Vriska responds with dramatic insincerity about how she feels awful, and then says Terezi should be happy that Team Charge is out of the picture. 

AG: Uuuuuuuugh, what do you want from me????????

GC: 1M NOT SUR3

GC: 1 GU3SS 1M LOOK1NG FOR SOM3 R34SON TO CH4NG3 MY M1ND

GC: 1 DONT KNOW WH4T YOU C4N S4Y TH4TLL DO 1T

GC: 1 SORT4 HOP3 TH3R3S SOM3TH1NG THOUGH

In the end, there isn’t. Terezi tells Vriska she’ll be dead in a couple of minutes, and to ‘CONSULT W1TH YOUR L1TTL3 4DV4NT4G3’ if she doesn’t believe it, then leaves the conversation.

Vriska’s little advantage turns out to be a MAGIC CUE BALL, which is similar to a magic 8 ball except that it’s predictions are specific and accurate, and it lacks a portal through which the user can read said predictions. Fortunately that’s not an obstacle for Vriska: Her VISION EIGHTFOLD allows her to see through the opaque casing.

CHEL: Vision Eightfold is the vision from the one of Vriska’s eyes which has seven pupils, which she covered with an eyepatch with seven rubies on it when she was FLARPing. Also remember that Jade had a Magic Cue Ball but couldn’t read it? Yeah, it’s another one.

BRIGHT: One other thing: According to rumour, it used to belong to the man on the moon.

As Vriska asks the cueball whether she should be worried about Terezi’s threat (answer: YES), Terezi lets Scratch know where his missing property has gone. Vriska asks the cueball how it’s going to happen…

I WILL EXPLODE IN YOUR FACE.

Boom.

This section is one of my favourite Terezi moments. It really shows off Terezi’s ability to outthink and manoeuvre people. She’s never spoken to Scratch before, but she still plays him against Vriska easily.

CHEL: This is why Vriska has a plain eyepatch and a robot arm in her future appearances, but she’s otherwise fine. Bluebloods are tough, apparently.

BRIGHT: Back in the future, Spidermom has survived the rubble falling on her, but just barely. Vriska puts her out of her misery with her magic dice, which summon up a massive guillotine and decapitate the lusus, drenching Vriska in spider blood.

GORE GALORE: 11

The decapitation sets off another landslide, sending Equius’s house straight down on Vriska’s head, but before it can land, a portal opens underneath it and transports it into the Medium.

Vriska promptly jumps on Trollian to freak out about this, because her plan depended on her getting Aradia’s surprise present from Equius to pass along and then Aradia and Vriska entering the Medium together, and never mind that a house was about to fall on her -- in fact, when Aradia points out that Vriska was about to die, Vriska accuses her of planning this. Aradia placidly agrees.

CHEL: This is part of my evidence for thinking Vriska might not be neurotypical. Not the priorities most people would have. Also, meanwhile, note that the lusii have the same blood colour as their charges, while the non-lusus animals Nepeta killed were black and had red blood. I’m not sure whether that’s a species trait, or a side effect of the weird bond between them (doesn’t make a lot of biological sense, but then this is basically fantasy with a sci-fi coat of paint).

Vriska is enraged by things not going the way she planned; her grand gesture of apology, the robot body, will now be handed over by Equius and not her, ruining her chance to be friends again with Aradia. Again, she doesn’t seem to understand how apologies work.

AA: were we ever really friends

AG: Yeah!!!!!!!!

AG: I don't know. I felt like we were even if you didn't think so.

AG: I guess I'm not very good at acting like a friend. Or saying stuff like, hey friend! You're my friend! It doesn't really occur to me.

For some strange reason related to her prototyping with the frog statue, Aradia types out “ribbit” into the chatbox, and informs Vriska she’s not on the Blue team as she expected, enraging Vriska further. Vriska accuses her of taking revenge, which Aradia denies, saying Vriska was always going to be on the Red team, and that she doesn’t care about her death.

AG: You're so infuri8ing! Why c8n't you just h8 me? It would 8e a lot easier th8t way.

AG: Or at least feel 8othered or annoyed or S8METHING! God!!!!!!!!

AG: May8e I sh8uld just rip my he8rt out of my chest and pound it to a 8loody pulp here on my desk with my sup8r strong ro8ot arm.

AG: Pound pound pound pound pound pound pound pound!

AG: Look at that, more nasty 8lue 8lood all over me. Why not! Might as well op8n the floodg8s and p8nt my whole hive with this oh so envia8le cerulean SWILL.

AG: 8ecause clearly it's up to me to feel em8tions for the 8oth of us, you misera8le soulless witch!

AA: 0_0

AG: I h88888888 you!

AG: H8 h8 h8 h8 h8 h8 h8 haaaaaaaate!

AG: I only regret killing you cause it m8de you so 8ORING!!!!!!!!

AA: s0rry

Aradia assures her that the teams are meaningless, but being on the Red team will put Vriska in the position they need her in. Vriska’s confused and angry, and leaves the chat.

In Equius’ LAND OF CAVES AND SILENCE, he trolls Aradia again, telling her he will be the sole leader, which she doesn’t care about. He’s surprised she isn’t objecting, and says he needs a towel.

CT: D --> Never mind

CT: D --> I'm trying to stay professional about this

AA: ab0ut what

AA: what are y0u talking ab0ut

CT: D --> Forget it

CT: D --> It's just pleasant to consort with one of lesser breeding who clearly understands her place

He’s been established to suffer from hyperhydrosis, but he’s clearly also supposed to be getting off on this, which, since he’s thirteen, is icky to read.

CALL CPA PLEASE: 12

It only gets worse.

CT: D --> I 100k forward to seeing how well you serve me, server player

AA: uh

AA: thats n0t quite the meaning 0f the w0rd server

CT: D --> What do you mean

AA: as y0ur server i manipulate y0ur envir0nment t0 help y0u advance

CT: D --> I don't understand

CT: D --> Are you

CT: D --> Are you saying

CT: D --> That

CT: D --> You are in a position of control over me

AA: i supp0se s0

CT: D --> Oh

AA: what

CT: D --> Oh my God

He babbles about how he needs fresh air or another towel, getting so agitated he actually drops an F-bomb, which he immediately covers up with “Fiddlesticks”. He says he wants to break something, and Aradia offers to break something for him, as she’s developed an interest in breaking things recently. Next page, she flings an “abluti0n trap” through his wall. 

FAILURE ARTIST: The running gag of girls fucking up boy’s homes with bathroom appliances continues!

CHEL: He’s very happy, except about her commoner slang.

CT: D --> In fact, this is an order from your leader

CT: D --> Call things by their proper names

AA: what

AA: y0u want me t0 call it a bath tub

AA: that s0unds ridicul0us

As FA noted, this bit of worldbuilding ends up retconned out with all trolls calling things by strange rewordings later on.

Whatever it’s called, Equius asks her to throw it through the wall again. She asks if that’s an order, and he can’t decide.

CT: D --> You could cause quite a bother for me, with the power you wield

CT: D --> I can do nothing to stop you, peasant girl

CT: D --> It's so magnificently depraved

CALL CPA PLEASE: 13

Aradia ribbits again and he takes it for roleplaying, but commands her to continue to do as she pleases. He tells her he’s bringing the robot body, and muses on whether she should actually be co-leader again; in fact, he decides, she should be the actual leader, in secret, through him. She points out that’s what they’re doing anyway.

CT: D --> You take to authority well for one of your b100d

AA: i d0nt have bl00d

CT: D --> Not yet

CT: D --> But soon your heart will beat anew, and through it, fresh b100d and fresh passion

AA: 0_0

CALL CPA PLEASE: 14

Equius proceeds to STRONGJUMP right up to his first Gate, punching off an ogre’s head as he goes, and to STRONGFALL out into LOQAM, where Aradia waits. Equius hands over the robot and Aradia enters it; she seems happy, but Equius cautiously asks if she feels anything else.

EQUIUS: D --> Can you detect anything within you might describe as

EQUIUS: D --> Smoldering passion

[...]

ARADIABOT: 0h g0d

ARADIABOT: 0H MY G0D WHAT DID Y0U D0!

ARADIABOT: did y0u pr0gram this r0b0t t0 have feelings f0r y0u?

ARADIABOT: R0MANTIC FEELINGS???

EQUIUS: D --> Hrrrk

ARADIABOT: ANSWER ME BLUE BL00D SCUM

EQUIUS: D --> I

EQUIUS: D --> Yes

EQUIUS: D --> Uh

EQUIUS: D --> It's a chip in your heart

EQUIUS: D --> Is that not ok

Understandably, it is emphatically not.

GORE GALORE: 12

Now, this is undeniably a really, really, really creepy thing to do. I’m not sure how much blame can be applied to Equius here, though; he’s been raised in a society which would presumably tell him she would have to accept his advances no matter what, considering their caste difference. In a horrifying way, the chip might have been, in his mind, the nicer option. Still, as I said, creepy.

CALL CPA PLEASE: 15

BRIGHT: I think it’s telling that he asks if it’s not okay after Aradia freaks out, as though he honestly hadn’t considered that Aradia might have a problem with it. Specifically, up until that point, Equius seems to be interacting with Aradia more like she’s a prop than a person — it doesn’t seem to occur to him that she might not want what he wants, unless their wants conflict in a way that he finds titillating. Then she freaks out and he’s surprised. And that in turn speaks volumes about how lowbloods are viewed by highbloods in wider society.

Contrast Vriska, who absolutely realises that people down spectrum can have their own agendas and emotional reactions; she just does her own thing anyway. Vriska is actively malicious; Equius is, at least in this case, accidentally malicious. Note that he doesn’t make any effort to prevent her from removing the chip once he realises she’s distressed. (Not that he really gets a chance.)

Equius in particular also seems to have a problem about slotting people into roles in general -- he does it with Gamzee, too, although since Gamzee is higher-blooded than him, he has to at least face the fact that Gamzee doesn’t fit into his role. He comes across as very sheltered.

FAILURE ARTIST: Equius considers it such a good thing to be a highblood that he thinks he’s doing her the greatest favor by turning her into one. 

CHEL: This also brings up the question of where he got all that blue blood. I hope it’s synthetic. If not, he’s already said he doesn’t kill animals, so I’m not sure whether it’s creepier if he killed another troll for it or if he slowly drained it off from his own.

Aradia’s not contemplating that, too busy crushing the artificial heart and slapping the shit out of Equius for multiple pages, before, er…

Yes, she’s apparently making out with him as a reward for violating her mind, even after the chip was removed. 

BRIGHT: The first time I read Homestuck, I thought that was meant to imply that not all of the programming was gone.

FAILURE ARTIST: Hussie did confirm the programming was gone. He compared it to a failed roofying.

CHEL: This is a bit of a shock, but it makes somewhat more sense when we see more of troll culture, not long in the future. Still, right now it’s probably upsetting for a number of readers because that part of troll culture hasn’t been established, so…

CALL CPA PLEASE: 16

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 41

[thecomicsnexus]

City of Bane, “conclusion”

BATMAN #85 FEBRUARY 2020 BY TOM KING, JAMES TYNION IV, MIKEL JANÍN, HUGO PETRUS, JORDIE BELLAIRE, TONY S. DANIEL, TOMEU MOREY AND GUILLEM MARCH

This is the end of Tom King’s run on Batman. At the end of the first arc, Gotham Girl’s narration implied that she was going to kill Bruce Wayne. Remember?

So this issue should probably resolve that arc.

SCORE: 2

It’s hard to discuss this issue without spoilers, so click (or tap) on “keep reading” for spoilers.

This issue felt like a very long insult. Right from page one. The story goes back and forth from the present and the future, with no real consequence to the actual story. There is no pay-off on telling the story this way other than delaying the end of the fight that started two issues ago even more. And that even gets spoiled halfway through the issue, so, no point in that. It’s just a choice with no real justification.

This is the first review I give a score of 2. Something that shouldn’t even be possible, but I haven’t found a comic that makes 84 other issues so pointless before.

In a nutshell, Batman and Catwoman were already prepared for this scenario as well.

And right from page one, Batman lets Catwoman attack Thomas Wayne, who has been torturing Bruce with the corpse of Alfred a few minutes ago. So how did Catwoman manage to avoid being “emotionally-controlled” by Psycho-Pirate? Well, glad you asked... they had the Ventriloquist under their control, thanks to a... recording of Scarface. This makes a lot of sense if you are a little drunk, or high. But then you sober up and realize they had someone there all along, who let Alfred die and then let Thomas shoot people randomly, including Batman.

There is a bit of hope in the middle of the issue, as it seems like the “wedding” arc was finally going to be resolved. But the stupid stuff remains. They want to get married as Batman and Catwoman, as if that had any kind of legality to it. And in the end, they start kissing and then they realize it’s the next day and they didn’t actually get married (which, by the magic of logic, they wouldn’t be anyway because Batman and Catwoman are not legal personas). And they decide they don’t really need to get married.

So going back to the fight from two issues ago, after Selina puts an end to Thomas, very easily, so easy, you will forget he took out the entire bat-family in one fight. Then Bruce gives him some speech and Thomas takes out his gun and threatens to kill him. Then Batman says something that actually resonates with where I thought this story was going. That he shouldn’t be trapped in the decision of a ten year-old. That being Batman is a decision he makes every day (I guess that was what that annual was all about), and he chooses to be batman, and be happy, and have a family. Thomas gives up and then Bruce punches him and tells him he is not his father.

Thomas ends up in Arkham where at some point, Bane finds him and does his thing.

At another point, Batman is talking with Gotham Girl in a very hard to explain sequence. And he offers her the Platinum Kryptonite to give her all her powers without poisoning herself to death. She obviously takes it, and that psychotic killer gets a happy ending. Now, there is no callback to the very first arc where Gotham Girl said she was going to kill Bruce Wayne. Maybe she will in the future? After she marries Duke, a character that rarely appears in this run?

Also in the future, Bruce Wayne likes american football, in bars, next to Kite man. (???).

So many things make so little sense in this issue, the whole run loses the little amount of respect it could have.

I really thought this was going to be a great story in the end, but I was wrong. I am under the impression Tom King is not good writing endings, and as a result, the whole story suffers from introducing elements that go nowhere.

Many people had issues with how Batman was much more ineffective than Catwoman. I have a different opinion. I feel like Catwoman didn’t need the “boost”. The character has been kicking ass since the early nineties. She had her own book, and still does. Why did Tom King feel he needed to validate her in front of her readers?

And what is the deal with all this lazy writing? Where are the editors? Dave Wielgosz, Ben Meares and Jamie S. Rich?

Now, the one thing in this issue you may be interested in... there are a few teaser pages from Tynion IV, about the Joker discovering Clark Kent is Superman, and finally considering doing his last battle with Batman (and possibly revealing his secret identity). This is interesting, we’ll see how it is executed.

Reading this issue felt a lot like reading very bad fan fiction. I am honestly worried about the New Gods movie. I feel like books will be written about how that movie tanked.

I am also a bit sad about Tom King. After Heroes in Crisis, he needed a win, and this is possible the lowest in quality he ever got.

The fact that this book came out the same day Doomsday Clock ended... should be a clear sign for DC that they should put their money on writers who understand the properties. Very little in this run makes me think King understood Batman or Catwoman. Or Robin. I think he did some research about childhood trauma, but in the end, the resolution wasn’t as powerful as he imagined.

And what about that talk King had with AT&T, asking for permission to change Batman forever? Except for Alfred still being dead (something that wasn’t King’s decision), nothing really changed. I guess we will have to wait for his Batman and Catwoman mini-series.

Let’s just forget this happened, and put these issues at the back of the longbox. Or right in the middle, where no one could ever find them again. And also, let’s hope no one resurrects this run in a movie, 20 years from now.

Better luck next time Tom King. With a different character. Hopefully.

[anistarrose]

To See The Unseen - Ch. 2 (Gravity Falls)

Summary: Stan meets the mirror’s creator.

Warnings: a very brief description of a dead animal, and a character being hospitalized (no character death)

AO3: archiveofourown.org/works/20884673/chapters/49642817

Big thanks to @apathetic-revenant for betaing this chapter!

***

“I’ve never been more ready to go to bed in my life,” Wendy groaned as she led the way back to the Mystery Shack. “You think Stan will mind if I crash on your couch for a couple hours? My brothers will be awake and screaming their heads off by the time I get home.”

“Yeah, he probably won’t mind,” Dipper replied. “Just be sure to tell him we were camping. He’ll go ballistic if he found out we almost died in the Author’s doomsday bunker.”

“But only because he cares about us,” Mabel spoke up. Her sweater was still slightly damp, and she shivered in the brisk early morning breeze. “I mean, if I was him and you guys told me you fought a shapeshifter in a fallout shelter, I’d go ballistic too!”

“You WHAT?!” Stan gasped. “What did I tell you just the other day about looking for trouble with the Journal?!”

The kids kept walking, passing straight through him. Mabel shivered again, but other than that, they gave no sign of having heard his outburst.

“Even if I have been a hypocrite about it…” Stan whispered.

Wendy squinted at the Shack, raising a hand to shade her eyes from the morning sun. “Hey, am I so tired I’m hallucinating, or is that Blubs and Durland on the porch?”

“Oh, great. What did Stan do this time?” Dipper mumbled. “Hey, Soos, you should probably hide that laptop from them —”

“Pines kids!” Durland shouted. “Oh, thank goodness you’re here! Something terrible has happened!”

Soos, Wendy, and the twins stared at him with glazed-over, sleep-deprived eyes.

“You need us to… help solve a mystery?” Dipper asked.

“A murder mystery?” Mabel echoed, rubbing her eyes. “We have a kind-of-okay track record with those…”

“Whatever it is, I have an alibi,” Wendy muttered.

Blubs stepped forward, gaze fixed on the floorboards. “It’s about… it’s about your uncle.”

“Shit,” Stan mumbled. “Kids, whatever they say happened, I promise it’s not actually that bad —”

His voice cut off. Was that even true? He didn’t know a single thing about what being trapped in this gray mirror world meant for him — it easily could be not just ‘that bad,’ but even worse.

“Is Mr. Pines okay?” Soos asked. “What happened?!”

“He’s in the hospital. Dan Corduroy found him in the forest this morning, and… well, I’m no doctor, but apparently he didn’t seem injured and his vitals were all A-okay. He just… won’t wake up no matter what anyone tries.”

Mabel gasped, and Soos covered his mouth.

“Do — do you know how it happened?” Dipper stammered. “Was it one of the anomalies? How long has he been unconscious?”

Blubs sighed. “I’m so sorry, Dipper, but I don’t know a single thing. You know what — here, get into the squad car. I’ll drive you to the hospital so you can see him.”

Stan drifted after his family, watching as they piled into the police car. Mabel stared out the window, quieter than Stan had ever seen her before, while Dipper buried his nose in Journal 3, frantically flipping through pages so quickly he gave himself a paper cut.

“It’ll be alright,” Mabel told him without making eye contact. “The doctors will figure something out.”

“But what if they don’t?” Dipper asked. He didn’t seem to have even noticed his finger was bleeding. “What if medicine can’t help him, because it’s supernatural?” he continued in a voice barely above a whisper. “There’s no info about anything like this in the Journal — but if only I had the other volumes, then maybe they’d have something that could help. Something about how to cure him…”

“Oh, Dipper,” Stan murmured. “It just got me into this mess in the first place…”

***

Pacifica lay in bed, half-awake, for longer than usual that morning, until the sound of a servant knocking on her door startled her, and she finally crawled out from under the satin sheets. It took a few seconds of staring at the compact mirror resting atop her dresser before the events of the past night rushed back to her, and she shuddered.

The mirror still gave her bad vibes, even in broad daylight and outside of the infamously unnerving Gravity Falls forest. It reminded her of certain taxidermy-filled rooms of the mansion, especially the allegedly haunted one — there was just a sort of chill in the air around it, just barely subtle enough for you to convince yourself it was only your imagination acting up.

Even though she hadn’t changed out of her nightgown yet and would’ve looked ridiculous had anyone been around to see her, Pacifica put on a pair of gloves before opening the mirror. She was still going against both her gut feeling and basic common sense by examining the artifact at all, but she knew that if she hid it away now, there would eventually come a day when she grew so bored, she wouldn’t be able to resist the temptation any longer.

Despite bracing herself for the worst, nothing cataclysmic happened when she opened the mirror — no swarms of insects flew out, no bolts of dark magic incinerated her, and as far as she could tell, no deadly plagues seemed to be released into the world.

But although it wasn’t quite the Pandora’s Box she’d been expecting, it was most definitely supernatural. The mirror reflected everything in grayscale, except for her own body, which glowed blue. And the picture below…

Surprisingly, it looked incomplete. A broad-shouldered silhouette dressed in dark clothing stood in front of a row of trees, that much was clear, but most of the details were missing, especially around the completely blank area where a face should’ve been.

“Well, that’s freaky…” Pacifica was about to rummage through the contents of her desk, looking for a magnifying glass to examine the portrait more closely, when her maid knocked on her door again, and she reflexively snapped the mirror closed.

“Remember, your dance tutor will be arriving at ten o’clock sharp! You’d best be eating breakfast soon, unless you want to be late!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming!” Pacifica called back, shoving the mirror under her pillow as she hastily selected a dress from her closet and a necklace from her jewelry box before rushing to the bathroom. “I’ll be back for you,” she whispered to the mirror.

The mirror didn’t reply, but had it still been opened, Pacifica might’ve noticed that the portrait was ever-so-slowly growing closer to completion, adding a tie to the figure’s sharp black suit.

***

After a few minutes of asking the doctors one question after another, none of which they were able to answer, Dipper threw a glass of cold water in his face, adjusted his hat, and declared that he was off to investigate the place where Stan had been found, hoping to find some evidence that would lead to a cure. Wendy quickly announced she was going with him, which didn’t surprise Stan — he knew she’d never been fond of hospitals.

Figuring it would be smart to stay close to his body in case of a breakthrough, Stan didn’t follow Dipper and Wendy as they left, but still he overheard Dipper muttering to himself:

“I need to find the other Journals. One of them must have the answer to getting him back, somehow…”

“Come on, kid,” Stan whispered. “Don’t you go down this road too. It’s no fun to live your life like this, trust me…”

Mabel pulled her chair right up next to Stan’s hospital bed, and leaned up against him, burying her head in his spare pillow. Soos sat on the other side of the room, half-heartedly flipping through hospital-provided health magazines and flinching almost every time Stan’s heart monitor beeped. Like Pacifica, neither of them had reacted to the pale blue glow that Stan could see coming from beneath his body’s half-closed eyelids.

He tried to give Mabel a reassuring pat on the back, to no avail. Her breathing slowed as his hand passed through her shoulder, and for a second he was afraid he’d hurt her somehow, but then she began to snore quietly, and he realized she’d just fallen asleep.

“What am I gonna do, Soos?” Stan asked. “I can’t get back in my body, I can’t tell you what happened, I can’t even let you know I’m okay…”

A new, terrifying realization dawned on him. “I can’t operate the portal! I was so close to getting Ford back, so goddamn close! But how am I going to save him if I’m trapped in this mirror world?!”

“You could always do what he did, and get a little help from a friend!”

The voice wasn’t spoken out loud as much as it resonated in Stan’s mind, high-pitched and echoing in a way that made his nonexistent ears ache. He was also pretty sure he’d heard it before, even if he hadn’t been in the most coherent state at the time.

“I swear,” he growled, “if I turn around and see that screaming geometry dipshit from my nightmare last week, I’m gonna puke ghost guts all over that one-eyed piss-yellow triangular ass of his.”

The being behind him began to clap. “Go ahead and turn around, then! I’d love to see it!”

Stan turned, and sure enough, found himself facing a one-eyed, piss-yellow, triangular entity.

“Well? Where’s the ghost puke you promised me?”

“Shut the fuck up, Bill. That is your name, right? I gotta be sure you know exactly how much I hate your dumb whiny voice in particular.”

“Read about me in Fordsy’s journal, did you?” Bill asked, twirling his cane.

Stan raised a hand to his ear. “Huh, what’s that noise? ‘Cause it definitely isn’t a first grader’s math homework shutting the fuck up, that’s for sure!”

Bill let his cane go flying out of his grip and through the nearest wall, disappearing from view for a moment before popping back into existence in his other hand. “Oh, Stanley, Stanley, Stanley. I’m here to help you, just like I helped Sixer! So let’s not say anything we’ll end up regretting later —”

“Too late.” The cocky grin disappeared from Stan’s face as he made a fist. “No one calls Ford ‘Sixer’ but me, and you’re really gonna regret mixing that one up if I have anything to say about it.”

“Oh, my bad!” Bill shot back, voice dripping with sarcasm. “I didn’t mean to slight your precious sibling relationship, which you both clearly value SO much! If only I could make it up to you by… I dunno, saving you from ETERNAL IMPRISONMENT?!”

“I’ve broken out of prison in three different countries, I’ll be fine on my own. Also, I know you tried to hurt my family when you all went off on your wild goose chase through my mind — and call me overprotective of those kids if you want to, but in my book, that’s a pretty good reason not to make any dark magical contracts with you.”

For the first time, Bill looked genuinely looked caught off guard by one of Stan’s comebacks. “You were conscious for that? You know what, forget it. I —”

“Well, I mean, I was asleep — but I was definitely dreaming about you getting your ass kicked.”

“I said FORGET IT!” Bill snapped.

“Touchy subject, eh?”

“It was in the past! It doesn’t matter anymore!” Bill shouted. “You need my help and my deal now, Stanley Pines, and there’s no way around it!”

Stan floated lower, until he was able to roughly approximate sitting at the foot of the bed. “Well, looks like I’ve got all day to kill and nothing better to do. I’m not gonna listen, but you might as well start making your case anyway.”

Bill’s eye narrowed with glee, and he began to chuckle to himself, then cackle louder and louder until it felt like his laughter would never stop echoing inside Stan’s head.

“Here’s the thing, Stanley — you really don’t have all day at all! In fact, you have…”

With a burst of flame, he summoned a ticking gold pocketwatch in his hand. “Exactly twelve hours and two minutes!”

“Until what? I’m not gonna fold and cut a deal with you just because of a vague threat and a time limit — that’s like, even more basic than Manipulation 101.”

Bill laughed, and his pocketwatch cooed like a cuckoo clock as an avian skeleton sprung out of the hole in the center. “Twelve hours until your body stops breathing, obviously! It’ll be real sudden, too — no time for the doctors to switch you over to life support before your brain runs out of oxygen!” One of his arms extended as he reached over to Stan, rapping him on the skull. “Then again, I’m not sure you’re getting much blood flow up there in the first place. Certainly less than old Fordsy —”

“Why should I believe you?” Stan asked. “If I was a math nerd’s demonic fever dream, I’d be making up bullshit life-or-death ultimatums left and right. Who would be be dumb enough to make a bargain with me otherwise?”

“Oh, you’d be surprised. But to answer your question, just look at your own eyes, down there in your body! They’re not even glowing half as bright as when you first got flipped into the mindscape, and they’re only gonna keep getting dimmer until the connection’s gone altogether!”

Bill snapped his fingers, summoning a plume of blue flame in which an image of the mirror flickered into existence. “When that portrait in the compact is completed, exactly twenty-four hours from the moment you entered the mirror, you’ll be severed from the living world forever — and that’s not all! Your soul gets trapped inside that musty old picture to rot and fester until either someone new scries with the mirror, or eternity itself comes grinding to a halt at the end of the world! That’s the beauty of it: you get to be all-seeing — almost like me! — for exactly one day, but once that’s over, all you’ll ever see again is the inside of a closed compact!”

The image in the flames faded away as they swirled around Bill’s hand, which he extended in Stan’s direction. “But I can put you back in your body, and send the mirror’s previous prisoner back into the painting instead! I can save you, just like I saved your brother! Whaddya say?”

“Yeah, of course,” Stan answered, voice dripping with sarcasm. “All makes perfect sense to me. You just so happen to be the world’s leading expert on cursed mirror and equally cursed painting combos!”

“Well, why wouldn’t I be? I helped make the thing, after all!”

“Oh, did you? That explains why holding it instantly reminded me of my deep hatred for trigonometry.”

Bill ignored him. “You know, your brother wasn’t the only mortal I’ve been a Muse to! He was just the only one in recent memory who was actually USEFUL. I’ve appeared before countless pupils over the years, looking for someone who’d be smart, ambitious, and not to mention gullible enough to help me fulfill my vision — but before Six-Fingers, everyone fell short. And worse — some of them wouldn’t stop summoning me even after I’d given up on them! They kept asking me inane questions about the beginning of the universe and the meaning of life!”

His triangular body turned bright red and the flames surrounding him roared as he continued: “Life doesn’t HAVE a meaning! Humanity was put on the planet to reproduce, die, and make meaningless philosophical arguments in a desperate attempt to convince themselves that morality and ethics are worth anything in the callous void that is existence — what else did they want me to tell them?! Some saccharine bullshit about being born so they could make the world a better place?”

“So you got fed up, and made the mirror to trap one of your ex-pawns?” Stan asked.

The flames disappeared, and Bill seemed to calm down, turning yellow again. “You catch on faster than I thought you would! I tricked one of my most insufferable pupils into creating it, and sure enough, he hasn’t bothered me since!”

“So when Ford tried to scry with the mirror thirty something years ago, he freed that guy’s ghost — but you still thought Ford would still be useful, didn’t you?” Stan tried to keep his voice calm, but he was starting to get a good idea of just who had driven Ford to such paranoia and desperation thirty years ago, and he was fuming inside. “So you freed Ford by switching his place with the ghost of that first guy you trapped.”

“Exactly!” Bill cheered, rubbing his hands together. “And I can do the same for you — just give me the word, and you’ll be back in your body before you know it!”

“Let’s imagine a parallel universe where I was a dumbass and I did take your deal. What other conditions would you be hiding in the fine print?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be hiding it! I’d actually be rather upfront, just like I’m being right now!” Bill smacked Stan on the head with a roll of paper, which unfurled to reveal a document titled CONTRACT.

“All I’d ask is for you do owe me one tiny favor down the line — a chance for me to borrow your restored body for a few hours when the right moment rolls around! I mean, you’ve coped without it for this long — what’ll one more brief stint in the mindscape be to a pro like you?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna have to say FUCK NO to that. I know you’re used to dealing with my brother, the most gullible genius on the planet, but while he may have all the brains, I have some actual goddamn common sense.”

“But — but don’t you want to open the portal?” Bill asked him, a little too quickly. “I’d like to see you try and operate it without your body!”

“Well, yeah — but are you really expecting me to be able to activate it all on my own? Even with all the journals, I’ve still got no idea what I’m doing,” Stan lied. “I could just as easily flip the thing’s self-destruct switch as I could find the right settings to bring Ford back. I’ll feel guilty if I can’t at least try, but… it was a hell of a long shot in the first place. I accepted that a long time ago, even if I don’t like to admit it.”

“Are you kidding me?!” Bill shouted. “The thing doesn’t even HAVE a self-destruct switch! I — I could even sweeten the deal, if you want! I could help you turn it on! This has been thirty years in the making — you can’t just give up on it now! Also, did I forget to mention YOUR ETERNAL FUCKING IMPRISONMENT and SLOW, PAINFUL CORRUPTION INTO A REVENGE-BENT MONSTER?!”

Okay, so Bill really wants the portal activated for some reason, Stan thought to himself. Interesting.

Out loud, he told Bill: “I’ve been messing around with too much shit that I don’t understand since before you even showed up. I’m not adding a deal with a demon to that list, and that’s final. Besides, you’re forgetting that the kids will probably figure something out. They always do.”

“Well, that sure is a cute sentiment!” Bill shot back. “But you’re already as good as dead to them, Stanley. They can’t see you, they can’t hear you — and soon enough, if you don’t do something, they won’t be able to feel your heart beating in your body anymore either!”

“Oh, I do plan on doing something,” Stan replied with a straight face. “It just won’t be the something you want me to do.”

“My offer still stands!” Bill shouted as he disappeared in a burst of blue flames. “Just call my name once it sinks in how doomed you are without me, and I’ll be right there to shake your hand and seal the deal!”

Mabel, still asleep next to Stan’s body, let out a deep sigh as Bill vanished, but otherwise didn’t react to their conversation. She was hugging Stan’s arm and clutching handfuls of the bedsheet like it were the lifeline tying Stan to the world, and if only she held on tight enough, she’d be able to drag him back.

And maybe, in a roundabout way, she could.

“Bill said I’m all-seeing like him until my twelve hours are up,” Stan explained to her, even knowing it wouldn’t be heard. “So if you’ll bear with me here, Mabel…”

He placed his hand over her forehead, and closed his eyes.

“I’m gonna see if I can haunt dreams like him too.”

***

Pacifica’s dance lesson dragged on for over an hour, showing no signs of coming to an end until she claimed to be experiencing a dehydration-induced dizzy spell and her instructor reluctantly excused her, probably fearing a lawsuit. She headed back to her room right away, and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that her pillow — and the mirror beneath it — hadn’t been disturbed. She was going to have to find a better hiding place for it soon.

As she pulled out a map of the mansion, trying to think of nooks and crannies that no one ever checked, a thud from the hallway made her jump. She almost brushed it off, chalking it up to her imagination, when she heard it again, and then a third time, growing louder with each repetition.

It didn’t sound like footsteps — or at least, not the footsteps of any human. If anything, it sounded like solid stone was striking the hallway’s hardwood floor.

Pacifica watched, frozen in place, as a veil of smoke materialized around her doorknob, twisting it counterclockwise degree by degree as the door ever-so-slowly swung open —

And then she laughed, because what she was seeing in the hallway couldn’t have been further from the monster she’d been expecting.

“You’re a statue,” she snickered, and her visitor’s stone eyes lit up red.

Oh, but not just any statue, a voice boomed from inside the familiar face that had once watched over the town square. I’m Gravity Falls’ very own Nathaniel Northwest!

***

(End notes:)

I was very excited for this chapter since I don’t write a whole lot of Stan and Bill interacting (outside of Some Sunny Day, which was a whole different beast altogether). And sure enough, I had a ton of fun with Stan’s dialogue, which led to this chapter being about a thousand words longer than expected.

Anyways, comments/reblogs are appreciated as always!

[tenrose]

Doctor Who Tag Game

Tagged by: @sopheirion​ thank you!!!

Favourite Doctor: Ten, ten and always Ten. I just love David’s portrayal’s of the Doctor more than I can say. I love the good, and I love the bad. I love when he’s being an idiot, when he’s flirtatious as hell with Rose (omg the memories) like you two get a room, when he finally snaps, when he’s a dumb oblivious as fuck and you want to smack cause he’s being an asshole, I love when he’s heartbroken. The faces David pulls are the best thing in the world. Like his ‘I don’t want to go’ ARE YOU KIDDING ME DAVID??? And the whole Doomsday episode, his blank face against the wall omg I’m gonna cry right now. And when this bitch has the audacity to disappear before saying it aaaaahhhh. But also the way he talk quickly and absolute nonsense. His ‘er’. When he’s being silly as hell with Donna, those were the good times. When he’s angry yelling, but also when he’s cold angry in the end of The Family of Blood. When he realize things and make the ‘oh i’m so stupid thing’ but also when he’s realizing sad thing like with the end of Donna. Bitch when he cries under the rain like some edgy boy, I cry too. His smile when things are getting exciting, but also the smile going into his eyes that is just for Rose and only Rose Tyler The various face he makes with Donna, all  the non verbal communication. Also when Martha decides to leave and you can see that he’s (too late) proud of her, and after that when he sees her again he’s being honest with her..The way he pronounces certain words if that makes sense???? Also David’s whole acting in Midnight, that was insane on so many levels. And least but not last : his iconic hair. I don’t think I need to tell more. And aside from that, I love all his season’s arcs, all his companions are my top three favourites. And of course, my close second favourite is Nine, cause without Nine, Ten wouldn’t be the Doctor he was.

Favourite Master: tbh I’m not that much into the Master, but I guess it’s Simm!Master cause I love his arcs. But I also love Missy as a character (not sure about her arcs though)

Favourite Sonic: I love both Nine/Ten’s sonic and Eleven’s sonic. 

Favourite Companion: aaaaahhhh not this question lmao. So I can’t really choose between Rose and Donna. I just love them both too much. So I’m not even a hardcore shipper of anyything by tumblr’s standards at least lmao, but the Doctor and Rose (both Nine and Ten) as been the first fictional couple I deeply rooted for (like I’ve enjoyed a lot of other ships before but never as harder and deeply) and that I still root for after all these years (in fact Clexa is the only other one that goes that hard, but everything else is just phases, they come and they go but they never stay). I love the tragedy of them, bitch who am I kidding, I love it that much cause it’s a tragedy lmao. I just love how they both make each other better, but also how they flirt like dumbass teens, how they communicate, how they cry for each other. BUT, and it’s very important, I love Rose for herself. She’s not just interesting because of the Doctor. She’s so relatable for instance? Like she’s not from a wealthy family, she clearly doesn’t give two fuck about fashion (or was it 2005 who was like this?), she’s not too smart, too pretty (ok she’s definitely is for me), too much of anything, she’s average. And I love this a freaking lot you can’t imagine. She has flaws, and yes that’s exactly what we want in a character. Yes she has moments when she’s being selfish (but who doesn’t? especially when in love), and yet she has some of the most beautiful selfless moments,sacrificing herlself in Doomsday is the best cause she was literally gonna end up in the void but she didn’t hesitated for one second. Also when she’s showing empathy for other people, she’s being caring and understanding. And she doesn’t take anyone’s else bullshit, she call them out, and that include the Doctor first. Just because she loves him doesn’t mean it’s gonna stop her from telling him to stop being a punk ass bitch. Also she evolved so much between s2 and s4, and I don’t think it’s character inconsistency, it’s just that it happened off screen. BY THE WAY I WOULD VERY MUCH A SPIN OFF ABOUT ROSE TYLER HOPPING WORLDS THANK YOU VERY MUCH @BBC!!! 

Now Donna? Where do I start? She’s also average, and also very relatable. In fact, personnally I think she’s the most relatable for me. Using humour, snark and sass to hide 10 thousands insecurities? Yes that’s the most relatable thing ever. Donna is the funniest character but she’s also the one who has the saddest ending in my opinion. Cause she grow up, she sees the world, and she understand that she is THE shit, she matters, she is important, and then she forgets all about it. That’s so cruel, and heartbreaking and angering, cause she deserved everyfuckingthing, she deserved the world. And her departure hit me so fucking hard. She’s going back to her life, thinking she would be not enough, I can feel that so deeply. Aaaahhh I’m hurting myself writing this. But she’s so amazing, she’s smart, thinking out of the box really make her so great, and she’s the one who take the least shit about anything. She stands up, yells, makes a scene, but she get straight to the point. Also she’s not the young and conventionally attractive companion and she knows that. And she’s so funny and sassy, and close to the Doctor. I mean she’s the Doctor Donna for a reason, she’s like a human version of the Doctor, with the sass, the babbling, the clumsiness. God I love Donna so much, I wish I had so much more of her. Also she has absolutely zero romantic feelings for the Doctor and the fact that they are the bitchy bffs of the universe is the best. 

Favourite Story: I love a lot of stories, but my favourite is The Stolen Earth/Journey’s End no doubt. The story is a perfect mix of happiness, having every RTD’s characters together, all my fave working together is the absolute best, and of sadness, the departure of Donna (I won’t re talk about it ok) and Ten letting Rose go AGAIN. And the fact that there’s everyone he loves in these episode but then he ends up all on his own. God why do I love being hurt so much??? And the Daleks are also my favourite villains (it’s just such DW bullshit as a villain tbh lmfao) so I have everything I want. Generally speaking I love RTD’s arcs, cause the sign are here the whole seasons (Bad Wolf, vote Saxon, the bees disappearing and she’s coming back) but it’s not a ‘HEY LOOK THERE’S SOMETHING FISHY TO SEE HERE HEYYYY’ or ‘WE ARE STARTING THE SEASON WITH ONE QUESTION, ONE PLOT POINT AND THAT’S WHAT YOU’LL WANT TO BE RESOLVED BY THE END OF THE SEASON’,  it’s subtle, it’s casual mention, and it’s when you’re in the last three episode that you’re starting to realize something is wrong...That’s one of my favourite type of writing ever (that’s probably why I love Sanderson’s books too). It’s not some mystery to solve, cause there weren’t any mystery to solve, because me, a dumbass viewer, weren’t even paying attention at first. But it’s here, it fills the plot. And when you see it you’re like ‘of course’. It’s not forced on me if I can say it like this. It allows me to see other stuffs. It’s not attention seeking I guess? But yes the end of s4 is my favourite story, all is in place. All characters do what they do best. There’s laugh and there’s tears, and I love it.

Favourite Soundtrack: everything Murray Gold has been doing for the show is pure gold and I think that’s a thing the whole fandom can agree upon. My artist of the decade according to Spotify is him, and considering I haven’t listened daily to his songs (except for some still regularly) I think that say a lot about how much I used to love both his music and the show at some point. My favourite of his are Doomsday’s Theme ofc, Love Across the Distant Stars, I am the Doctor, Rose’s Theme, Amy’s Theme, Clara’s Theme, Vale and cry. All of them. And that include the one soundtracks for episodes I don’t even like lmao.  

Dream Actor for next Doctor: I don’t know, why not John Boyega? He deserves to be the main character and be treated well, of a sci-fi show. 

Dream Composer: Murray Gold come back to me. Or I would love a glimpse of what Lorne Balfe could do.

Dream Story: Something that involves seeing Rose and Tentoo, and Martha as the Earth counselor, with Thirteen still having feelings for Rose. And Rose too.  But the plot? Idk lmao. However the end would be sad cause Thirteen would have to see Rose and Tentoo coming back to their world, and I would cry. Also Thirteen would aknowledge Martha as the smarter companion the Doctor had ever had lmao.

A Companion You’d like to see back:  Martha, but like not as a companion cause she made it clear that she would not come back, and that wouldn’t be fitting her character if she changed her mind. But she could always be accidentally stuck in the TARDIS, I mean it happened once. But really I would just love to have her coming to the rescue when shit on Earth goes too far and the Doctor needs help of a specialist. That’s Martha you need Doctor.

An Enemy/Alien/Creature you’d like to see again: I’m always here to see the daleks. 

If you could travel with one of the Doctors, which Doctor and why?: Ten? Because he’s my fave, but also Thirteen because I’m gay and I would like to take my chance lmao

[adamarinayu]

Now that we're on this hiatus, do you mind telling us what you thought of each episode?

Okay, I know I’m super late to answer this but here I am! I’m not gonna go too in depth on them, but I do want to talk about them.

Treasure of the Found Lamp!

This one was amusing, and I absolutely love what they did with Djinn. I’m so so so glad they changed his name, too, as “Dijon” always bothered me, even as a kid. Also, the story of the lamp was very heartwarming! And seeing Selene again was fun, especially as she had to run around and we find out she’s a terrible liar lol (so she definitely had nothing to do with Della’s disappearance, I think we can all finally put that theory to rest).

The wild goose chase aspect was funny, coming from both sides, and I still think the actress on Ma Beagle’s TV looked vaguely like a character from PKNA so. But Djinn did not pull punches and them Beagles at least got hurt XD

Also. It kinda has a “the greatest treasure is family” vibe to it.

The Outlaw Scrooge McDuck!

As someone who loves Scrooge and loves Goldie, but is indifferent to Scroldie… I still loved this episode. It was great! It was also absolutely hilarious. And Gyro’s time traveling was amazing. Especially Scrooge’s sudden moment of realization when Gyro returned lol.

Louie’s gonna befriend Goldie! That makes me excited. I bet they’re gonna teach each other things that we haven’t even thought of (ie Louie values his family, while Goldie doesn’t even have a family. Maybe Goldie will officially join the Duck-McDuck family not through her strange but obviously antagonistically-romantic relationship with Scrooge, but through her friendship with and tutelage of Louie? Maybe he’s the one who shows her the importance of family and offers her a place in their family… it doesn’t mean giving up adventure, it just means always having somewhere she can call home, and people she can trust and rely on!).

I’m iffy about Jeeves’ redesign, and also his somewhat betrayal of Rockerduck, but I’ve never been like a hardcore fan of the two of them so it was easy for me to move on. I am curious, though, just how they’re gonna come back… guess Gyro’s not quite done with time travel shenanigans.

The only real gripe I have is Sheriff Marshal Cabrera. DON’T GET ME WRONG, I absolutely loved him. He’s a beautiful babby boy. But at the same time, he’s literally just. Fenton. I know he’s like. Fenton’s great grandfather (or maybe uncle, idk) or something. There should absolutely be similarities yes, but it felt like someone had taken the characters and placed them in an old west setting. That being said, I do love him, I just wish he’d been slightly more his own character. Like, maybe a little more like a mix of M’Ma and Fenton! Idk.

The 87 Cent Solution!

…….. You really want to know?

Okay, the episode was good. It was funny, and I enjoyed seeing Glomgold’s timestop shenanigans.

But the funeral scene? That wasn’t cool. I saw the “not really dead” twist coming, I think we all did, but no one thought to tell Donald? Donald thought that, so soon after finally making amends with his uncle, he had lost him for good.

And I get it. It’s meant to be a gag. It’s supposed to be funny. But it kinda really soured the rest of the episode for me. I hate to say that too, because it was a good and funny episode… I just… I can’t believe they did that to Donald. :(

The Golden Spear!

AGONY. Agony is how I feel about this one. Della made friends with the Lunarians! Actual friends! And then Penny made a bad choice, and Lunaris… damn you, Lunaris, you traitor.

All the things Della listed off, wanting to do with her kids and brother and uncle… they’re things the others have already done without her. That hit me in the feels.

AND THEN DONALD- AGH, I CAN’T EVEN. Poor Donald. He’s so stressed and his family loves him so much and just wanted him to have some peace. But alas, it was not to be. And now the fandom cries.

… Even if he really shouldn’t have climbed into that rocket but y’know. He didn’t MEAN to press buttons….

Nothing Can Stop Della Duck!

Della reunites with her boys and no one realizes Donald is gone. And we see Della trying to be a mom, and kinda failing miserably. But she’s trying, and she’s learning!

ALSO THEIR WOULD-BE NAMES HFBVSHKFCS

It really put to rest one of my biggest fears, that all of the triplets would accept her immediately (Louie showed serious hesitation through the entire episode, definitely coming from his place of insecurity that Dewey and Huey don’t share) and she’d be super-mom. She makes mistakes, and it’s acknowledged that she seems to be trying to be one of them rather than be their mother. It does feel awkward at times, and alien, like the boys are trying so hard to think she’s doing great when she’s really causing harm, but in the end when it comes down to it she’d do anything to protect them, and gives them the choice of letting her into their life. She doesn’t try and force her way in (as she kinda did at first, but came to realize this isn’t easy for them either).

Right now she feels kinda more like a cool aunt than a mom, but she’ll learn.

Raiders of the Doomsday Vault!

IS LUDWIG’S CONSCIOUS TRAPPED IN THE VAULT?! HE REACTED TO AND INTERACTED WITH THE PEOPLE OUTSIDE.

Anyway Scrooge and Glomgold’s parts were absolutely A+ hilarious. Della and Dewey bonding, they’re so much alike, but we see Dewey’s insecurity flare up- how he wants to impress Della, feeling like he has to earn her love. Even though she’s already loved them for ten years, even without ever knowing what they looked like.

Della has a moment of realization here, too. She looks down and realizes Dewey is in a dangerous situation. She realizes that Dewey is in danger. She questions if they’re doing something crazy, clearly thinking maybe we shouldn’t be doing this, but when Dewey quotes her “I’m your son, I can do anything!” she instead chooses to encourage him, not wanting to discourage him and possibly cause him to fall.

And then of course, her “exit strategy” thing. I honestly kinda feel like it’s a bit of an ass pull, but it at least makes a little sense. When you’re being hunted by a monster on the moon, you always want to have an escape route planned. Scrooge sees that, even if she’s the same ol’ Della she was before, she’s still changed. Ten years still changes you.

Friendship Hates Magic!

New Girl! New Girl! Violet’s pretty cool. At first she comes off as one of those “um, actually” people, but since I’m one of those “um, actually” people it’s pretty whatever to me lol. And Lena’s back! I’m super excited about that.

Lena gets a little jealous-possessive but who can blame her, Webby’s one of the few people who have always believed in her. And Webby spent so much time we never knew about trying to find ways to bring Lena back, to the point that it’s like clockwork.

The whole “being tormented by her own mind” thing was actually frightening in a way, and I’m just glad it all turned out alright. And now Webby isn’t just a fourth triplet, she’s the central member of her own trio. It’s great!

The Dangerous Chemistry of Gandra Dee!

Admittedly another plotline to be seen from far away. A good episode full of secondhand embarrassment, but dang Huey’s LUNGS.

I love Gandra’s design and personality. It’s pretty durn great. I love it! I just have one gripe. Warning, this is a bit of a rant.

Why can’t we let characters be feminine? By this I mean traditionally feminine. Dresses, makeup, shopping, high heels, giggling, soft and compassion and gentle and things I’m not, pinks and lilacs, etc. Yes, Webby’s favourite colour is pink and she likes glitter and wears skirts, she is pretty feminine. But she’s the only one, besides Roxanne Featherby (Featherly? I don’t remember, and that’s only arguably because of her clothes), to be even slightly feminine, and even then it can be argued she’s not all that traditionally feminine because, well… she’s the bruiser of the group. Which there’s absolutely nothing wrong with! A feminine bruiser absolutely works, and I love it, but looking at it from certain angles…

Most of the (non-villain) females, besides Webby, show next to no traditionally feminine qualities- Goldie is the closest, when she dresses up for special events or for schemes. Which I don’t mind, per se, I don’t have many traditionally feminine qualities either, but you’d think at least a few would. The original Gandra Dee, who I am glad they changed mind you, was very feminine; she wore her hair long, wore dresses, enjoyed makeup and manicures, etc. She was traditionally feminine, AND smart. (even if I never liked how they drew her face (the eyes and beak look weird imho, DT17 pulled it off better), and I felt like she left much to be desired *cough*…)

There is nothing wrong with having traditionally feminine characters. There is nothing wrong with having characters who enjoy dressing up, or putting on makeup, or shopping, etc. The problem with traditionally feminine characters comes in when it’s done for sex appeal, or you have a woman running from dinosaurs in 6 inch heels (yeah I’m calling that out) or there’s a feminine character there only to be dragged on by the others for their feminine characteristics.

Anyway, rant about that over. I still love what they did with Gandra, but I’m just noticing this trend where female characters aren’t being allowed to like traditionally feminine things. Yeah, there are absolutely a lot of girls who don’t, but there’s probably an equal amount who do! And there’s nothing wrong with showing a competent, traditionally feminine character. :/

The Duck Knight Returns!

DARKWING DUCK DARKWING DUCK DARKWING DUCK NEGADUCK AAAAAAAA

Need I say more?

Okay, Launchpad is a sweetheart and let’s be honest, we knew the moment we saw him that the other guy at the signing was Drake Mallard.

I love that they kept the “Darkwing Duck inspires Drake Mallard to become Darkwing Duck” aspect of DW’s origin story, while twisting it around so that time travel and paradoxes don’t occur. Also! We still get Jim Cummings as Negaduck, while also getting a new VA for Drake Mallard/Darkwing Duck- someone who does a pretty good job at sounding like them, too. So now Negaduck, who is no longer Darkwing/Drake Mallard from an alternate universe, has his own distinguishable voice!

… And I still think Negs is gonna have an unhealthy obsession with Launchpad, thanks to the “my fan” comment. I figure that’s how we’ll get Nega Launchpad, but who knows! There’s so many possibilities!

Anyway Gosalyn, yesterday please. Gimme.

[notstars-doors]

Take Me Back To The Start

Dick and Wally haven't seen each other in eight years. After breaking up in their early twenties, life and families and Doomsday events just kept getting in the way. Now, both single with kids, they find each other again. Can they build a life together, after all this time? Can they put aside their old problems and help each other through their new ones? Only time will tell - if they let it. 

read on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16527137/chapters/38714402

"Liv, you've got so many AUs already half written! Are you ever going to finish them instead of coming up with new ones every few months and then disappearing again?"

*throws another one at y'all and crawls back into my hovel

I'm just trying to have a good time, okay?

(sidenote: big shoutout to @lesbiangraysons​ for all the help with this fic, literally could not have come up with half of the ideas for it without you <3)

When Dick wakes up in the morning, Wally isn’t there.

He stretches out leisurely, his arm reaching across the bedsheet in search of a body that isn’t there. Dick frowns through his sleepy daze, lifting his head and blinking open tired eyes to see empty space next to him.

Hm.

Sitting up slowly, he gazes around the room. No clothes on the floor, the door ajar – no sign of Wally at all. The sinking feeling in his chest starts to settle into a heavy lump in his gut as he curls his knees against his chest, burying his hands in his hair. He really shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up. It’s not like Wally to just up and leave without saying good-bye, but then again, does he really know Wally anymore?

It’s not like they’d set any rules or discussed future plans. They hadn’t really discussed anything since getting back to his apartment last night. They didn’t really find the time.

~

“New place then?”

Dick smiled as he unlocked the door. “Needed a little more space.”

“Did Bruce buy this building too?” Wally chuckled, leaning against the door frame.

“I didn’t actually ask for this one. He just… did it.”

Wally shook his head, a stupid grin plastered on his face. “Some things never change.”

Dick lead the way into the apartment, tossing his jacket on the rack to their right, Wally following suit. “You expected change from Bruce Wayne?”

“I learned a long time ago to never expect anything from Bruce Wayne.”

Dick grinned, flopping down onto the soft, worn leather of his couch. Wally – in proper Wally fashion – made his way into the kitchen. He rifled through cupboards, clearly disappointed in his lack of findings, then opened the fridge. Dick sent him a sheepish smile as Wally turned to him, gesturing exaggeratedly to the empty space within.

“Dude. You’re thirty-two. How are you a grown-ass man and you’re still incapable of feeding yourself?”

“…Alfred?”

“Jesus…” Wally huffed and swung the door shut, crossing the room to settle on the couch next to Dick. “Some things really don’t change.”

Dick laughed and poked Wally in the side with his toe. “You sure haven’t.”

“Oh?” Wally grabbed Dick’s ankle before he could pull away, raising a challenging eyebrow. “How so?”

“Still a glutton.”

“Speedster.”

“Same thing.”

Wally’s eyes narrowed, a glint of mischief flashing through them before he yanked on Dick’s trapped ankle and pulled him flat on his back. Dick yelped in surprise, hair disheveled from static cling, as Wally shifted on the cushions to hover over him.

~

Dick shakes his head, clearing the memory from his mind. Don’t think about that now. It happened. It’s in the past.

The past was about six hours ago, but it was still the past.

He slips an old pair of sweatpants on, stepping out of the bedroom and padding into an empty apartment. Empty living room, empty kitchen. Dick swallows hard, making his way through as if he isn’t disappointed. As if he hadn’t been hoping Wally would be sitting at the island. Waiting for him.

He doesn’t know why he thought Wally would stay. They’d found each other in a bar by chance. This wasn’t a date. It was a hook up. Casual.

Simple.

Wasn’t it simple?

Dick sighs, switching on his coffee machine and waiting for it to brew. Too much shit in his head to deal with before coffee, that’s for sure. As he watches the dark liquid drip into the pot, he leans against the counter with a sigh.

Alright, so they have a history. They’d dated. But Dick has stayed friends with every one of his exes, it’s one of his few natural talents. Zatanna, Roy, Kori… they all stayed in touch. He has to with Kori, they have Mar’i together, but they still love each other. That’s never gone away.

But somehow, he and Wally haven’t seen each other in eight years.

A lot can change in eight years.

~

“Anything different about me?” He asked softly, planting his hands on either side of Dick’s head.

Dick pondered it for a moment, gaze flickering over Wally’s face. Eight years had done good things for his old best friend. Wally still looked as good as he did when they were younger, but his jaw was sharper – a little more square. His hair had gone more of a copper tone than the bright fiery orange it used to be, and the laugh lines around his eyes were more prominent. His green eyes were darker too, a deep emerald that Dick could see himself getting lost in if given the time.

Wally was different, but in very subtle ways. His cockiness was confident without the bravado – like he finally understood how attractive he really was. His movements weren’t awkward or gangly. There wasn’t anything gangly about him anymore. Even at twenty-two, Wally hadn’t fully grown into himself – now, at thirty-two, he definitely had.

“Not really.” Dick murmurs, eyes falling to those oh-so-familiar lips a few inches above him. “You’re still… you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Wally leaned in a bit, watching every change of Dick’s expression for discomfort – like he used to.

“Is that a good thing?”

Dick bit down on his lower lip, wondering if that still effected Wally the way it used to.

“I think so.”

When Dick finally closed the gap between them, Wally met him halfway.

~

Dick jumps a little when the coffee machine beeps, not realizing how caught up in his thoughts he’d gotten.

It’d been nice – really nice – to catch up again after all this time. To learn about each other all over again and fill in those missing pieces of their lives. How they’d managed to slip past each other for eight years, Dick would never know. He supposes that marriage and kids and world-ending events sort of get in the way of that kind of thing. But seeing as they both still know Roy, Dick wonders how valid that argument really is.

Maybe they just didn’t know how to find each other again after drifting apart like they had.

It’s not an easy thing to do when you’d been with someone every day for so many years, only to suddenly realize that you weren’t the same people anymore. Things had changed, and you didn’t see it coming. You didn’t fit anymore.

We fit together well enough last night. So, what does that mean?

Dick rubs the sleep out of his eyes, leaning heavily against the edge of the counter. That doesn’t matter anymore. Wally’s gone. Wally left, without saying goodbye. None of that matters anymore if Dick isn’t going to see him ever again.

Maybe in another eight years time. Maybe they’ll run into each other again and have another night of desperate nostalgia.

Dick wills away the hope that wells up in his chest at the thought.

He takes a mug out of the cupboard, about to pour out the steaming liquid, when he hears the front door open with a click. Suddenly wide awake, Dick whirls on the spot, muscles tensed and ready for conflict – only to see a tall, redheaded figure creeping into the dimly lit front hall.

Wally.

Wait – what?

“Wally?” Dick asks softly, his throat still dry and scratchy from sleep. He’s not sure if that’s why his voice breaks.

Wally spins on his heel, revealing a brown paper bag and a coffee tray with two cups in hand. The brilliant smile on Wally’s face when he sees him knocks the breath out of Dick’s lungs. “Oh hey, you’re up!”

Dick blinks in surprise, staring at the items as Wally gets closer, carrying them over to the island and setting them down next to his coffee mug. “Uh. Yeah.”

“I figured I’d go get breakfast, since we’ve already established that you’re useless when it comes to food. I wasn’t sure if you still take your coffee the same but there was a Starbucks and I still remember your old order, so I just took a chance and-” Wally seems to notice the mildly shocked expression that must be on Dick’s face, pausing to stare at him for a moment. “You okay?”

Dick shakes his head to clear it for the second time that morning, still a little thrown from the emotional whiplash of Wally coming back. He’d been gearing for a day of trying to forget Wally. Forgetting his touch, his voice, his… everything. And now Wally’s standing in front of him again, breakfast in hand, having woken up early to fetch it for them because for once, Dick is unprepared.

“Uh, yeah. I’m good.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” Dick plucks the paper cup with his name on it out of the tray and takes a sip, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards when he tastes the coffee order he’s been using for the better part of a decade. “Thanks for breakfast.”

Wally frowns, glancing down at the mug on the counter, then back up at up Dick, who’s desperately trying to avoid his gaze. It doesn’t take long for him to put two and two together.

“You didn’t… you didn’t think that I-”

“No, of course not-”

“I swear, I’ve only been gone five minutes.”

“Wally, it’s fine-”

Dick doesn’t get a chance to finish his sentence before finding himself pressed against the edge of the counter, coffee cup snatched out of his hands – which is good, because he uses both to catch himself on the cool marble surface as Wally invades his space. His breath hitches in his chest as Wally traps him between both arms – much like he’d done the night before – gaze stern as he stares into Dick’s eyes.

“You didn’t think I’d let you go again, did you?”

Dick almost swallows his own tongue when his heart decides to leap into his throat at those words. He can feel his cheeks warming at the close proximity. His heart is pounding, pulse racing. He feels like a giddy teenager again, and Dick wonders if that’s just the way that Wally makes him feel. How he’s always made him feel.

Wally doesn’t give him the chance to answer, nudging his nose gently against Dick’s in a soft gesture that he hasn’t felt in a very long time. “I just found you again… You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

It takes a gargantuan effort to find his voice, and when he does, it’s sarcastic. “I mean, technically you’re the one who left, so really who’s to blame here-”

The smile that spreads across Wally’s face is even more brilliant than the last, and if given the chance that alone would have shut Dick up, but it doesn’t because Wally is kissing him now and he tastes like coffee and vaguely of powdered sugar and Dick is absolutely melting into it. Wally’s hands come up to cup his jaw, thumbs rubbing gently over the short stubble on his cheeks, and the touch has Dick grasping at Wally’s baggy t-shirt like his life depends on it.

He’s being pressed hard into the countertop and he really doesn’t care because Wally’s mouth is on his, warm and familiar and so, so Wally and regardless of anything they did last night, it still takes his breath away. It’s like vertigo and déjà vu all at once, the feeling of Wally’s body against his. It’s so familiar, yet still so different – bigger, stronger, but still everything that makes him Wally. Every touch is new, but practiced, as if they’ve done all this before – because they had. Years of friendship, of a relationship, of a complicated and intertwining history that ended so long ago, but picked right up again where it left off. They’ve both changed, obviously, yet somehow still know each other well enough to drive themselves crazy.

Dick’s hands drop lower, resting on Wally’s hips, and would have wandered further if he didn’t feel a recognizable fabric hugging his waistline. His fingers dip into the band, snapping gently at the elastic as he breaks the kiss with a smile.

“Did you steal my sweatpants?”

Wally grins against his lips, both of their eyes staying closed as they lean their foreheads together. “Didn’t have any of my own here. And I figured we were still the same size.”

“That’s a bold assumption, thinking you can just steal my clothes like that.”

“What can I say? I’m hopeful.”

Dick opens his eyes at that, watching Wally look up and meet them with his own. Despite the laugh lines carved permanently in the corners, those eyes haven’t changed one bit. They still shine the same way they did after their very first kiss, still glint in joy and swim with worry the same way they had when they were seventeen and stupidly in love.

If there’s anything that Wally West has always been, it’s hopeful.

And if there’s anything in particular that made Dick fall in love with him all those years ago, it was that optimism.

Maybe that optimism is contagious. Or maybe that desperate nostalgia is clouding his judgement. But for the first time in a while, Dick feels comfortable. He feels wanted.

He feels right.

In Wally’s arms, warm and fuzzy and just a little lightheaded, Dick feels like this could be right again. If they give it a shot.

Dick thinks maybe they could.

“So, what’s for breakfast?”