#and now i'm back home and my brain's screaming at me and idk what it's saying

[forgotten-daydreamer]

i can't sleep bc anxiety's gnawing on my guts rn... i really don't think i deserve this

[ahgasegotarmy116]

He Doesn't Deserve You | A Jeon Jungkook Series | Chapter One

Summary: Life didn't turn out the way you wanted. You got the guy, and the job but everything else you had ever wanted has been crumbling around you. Pairing: Noona reader x Jeon Jungkook (She's 28 and he's 22) Word Count: 2.1k~ Warnings: yändere, manipulation, domestic violence, self harm, cheating, explicit language, hints at smut, angst, idk what else lol a/n: Ahh thank you so much for all of the love so far on the intro and even all the notes on the masterlist hehe. I'm really loving the direction this story is going in so I hope you guys will too! And thanks again to @kkusadmirer for the request!

Opening my laptop I pull up the most recent edit I had done on the next chapter I was working on. 

I'm a writer, not an incredibly famous one but a writer nonetheless. I make enough to get by and I'm able to work from home so that's all I ever really wanted. Just a silly girl, writing her silly stories, living her silly life. 

But unfortunately things don't always turn out the way you want them to. 

I thought I had it all, perfect grades and a perfect boyfriend with a loving family and a bright bright future. Now looking back at it all and seeing all of the stuff in the background that I somehow missed just makes me feel foolish.

How could I not notice Taehyung wondering eye? Why did I not listen to what my friends used to say about him? Why did I leave all of my friends behind for him? 

Being so wrapped up and so in love with him I didn't even notice the fact that my family was falling apart. My mom cheated on my dad and I never knew until they told me they were getting a divorce.

While my brother was struggling in high school while being around all of their screaming and fighting and finally got committed to a mental institution when he had a psychotic break.

I never knew anything about that. It's not like I didn't care, but I just never really reached out or gave them enough time to reach out to me. 

I was always like 'Oh Tae just got home I have to go' or 'Tae is expecting me so I need to get going'. My world has revolved around him for so long that my family and friends feel like strangers. 

How could I have been so stupid and neglected them, all for one guy?

The one that I wanted to build a future with and promised to do the same with me. Now here I am, 24 with student loans up to my neck and a sorry excuse for a marriage with a husband that is never home. 

I don't know what I managed to do in my past life that ended up royally fucking me up in this one but I'm sorry. Why couldn't I have done better so I would be saved from having my spirit broken and my heart ripped to shreds. 

The only positive thing is that this has given me is the inspiration to come up with an even more fucked up series of books that has been my only source of income for the past few years. 

Years, wow. 

Thinking about how much time has passed and how things went to shit so quickly helped me continue down this downward spiral and I don't know how to make it stop. Although the sound of keys jingling outside the front door is my rude awakening, my brain knowing I need to be conscious of what may happen next.

 I quickly wipe off the tears that I didn't even realized had started to fall and clear my throat. Moments later I'm met with the sight of Taehyung walking in wearing the same shirt I had seen him in yesterday but sports a brand new hickey near the collar, just barely noticeable but he makes no effort to hide it. 

"Y/n" I hear him call out, breaking me out of my train of thought. "Yes?" I question, hating that I've been caught off guard even though I was staring right at him. "I asked if we have anything to eat" he says, making his way over to the refrigerator, now going to see if he can answer his own question before I'm even given another second to speak up. 

"Um yeah I think there's some left over pizza from last night" I say and get up to walk towards him. "So how was work yesterday?" I ask tentatively, still not sure what kind of mood he's in. "Exhausting but it is what it is I guess" he says while stuffing his face full of a cold slice of pepperoni pizza. 

I turn to walk away while nodding my head, not bothering to ask anything else since it seems from his vague answers that he's not in the mood to talk. 

"Hey" he says, gently grabbing my wrist with the hand that wasn't occupied with the pizza, leaving me frozen in place. I know better than to walk away from him. Even if he's not mad at the moment doesn't mean that he won't be in the next. 

"Where are you running off to?" he asks pulling me close by that same wrist. Still doing so carefully but pressing on the bruises that he had left there from the last fight we had. 

He sees my slight look of discomfort and how my vision is trained on the wrist he's still holding and rolls up my sleeve, taking a quick look and seeing the evidence of his past transgressions.

"It left a mark huh?" he says examining the spot further and then bringing it up to his face where he places a few featherlight kisses on it, making a flash of heat run through my system when he looks back up at me with those eyes.

Those bedroom eyes that never fail to put me in a trance. He lifts his hand up towards my face and I flinch not knowing what to expect and see him stopping for a second, surprised by my reaction.

"Don't be afraid baby, it's just me" he says and keeps going, hooking his finger on the collar of my turtleneck to pull it to the side, no doubt searching for other marks. 

"There's marks here too. I guess it's a good thing you stay home. Don't want to have to make up excuses for those now would you?" he says tapping under my chin twice, a slight lilt in his tone, enjoying my clear discomfort in showing them to someone, even if it's the person that's caused them.

"What did you do today baby?" he asks, letting go of me and going back to grab a few other things out of the fridge to complete his meal. "Oh you know, just some writing" I say, trailing off and giving him the same answer that I've given him time and time again. 

"You almost done with it?" he questions, only really asking so he knows when my next big payday will be. 

I shake my head "No, not yet. I think I'm only about halfway though" I say, giving simple answers to his simple questions. "Well you better get it out soon. I bet your readers are dying to know what happens next" he says giving me a quick wink before taking everything he has in his hands and carrying it over to the couch. 

"Do you think you could grab me a beer?" he asks, but I know it's more of a courtesy than anything phrasing it like I actually had an option. I respond with a quiet yeah and bring it over to him, placing it on the coffee table. 

"Thanks babe" he says and grabs a ahold of my hand and angles his head up, clearly asking for a kiss to which I oblige. Again something I don't really have an option in doing. "I missed you" he says and rubs his nose against mine cutely, or at least it used to be cute. Now it just makes me sad thinking of all of those times when we were happy.

"Are you gonna watch the game with me?" this time giving me something that I actually have a choice in. "I think I've got some more writing I'd like to do" I say and he nods his head not even bothering to look at me or give me a verbal sign of acknowledgment before turning on said game and slumping back into the couch to watch. 

I walk over to my desk that happens to unfortunately be in the living room so I'm forced to grab my headphones to drown out the sound so I can hopefully get another chapter or two in before I call it a night. 

~~~~~~

"Baby" I hear him call for me through my headphones after some time, that's something that I've had to fine tune. Making sure I can hear him when he talks to me no matter what so it's one less thing I have to worry about him getting upset about. 

I pull out my headphones and turn my attention towards him, half expecting him to ask me to get him a beer. "Yes?" I reply, waiting to see what he needs. "Come here" he says holding his hand out to me and spreading his legs, showing me where he wants me. 

I get up and walk towards him, straddling him once I get close enough and putting my arms around his neck. "Hi" he says in a deep voice sending a shockwave through my nervous system. "Hi" I respond quietly, intimidated at the thought of what he might do next. "How was the game?" I ask tentatively, hoping for my own sake that there was a favorable result. 

"We won" he says, mindlessly tracing his hands up and down my curves. "How's your book?" he asks leaning into my neck, placing kisses over the bruises he had noticed from before. "

It's going" I whisper, starting to feel breathless from his warm breath fanning the sensitive parts of my skin. "Ready for a break?" he asks, question laced with a mischievous tone. I hum in acknowledgment, tilting my head to the side so he can have his fun.

~~~~~~

"I'm gonna head out but I'll be back later" Taehyung says while getting dressed with me still laying there with only a sheet to cover my body. "You're leaving?" I question, knowing he just said that but hoping he'll give me some sort of explanation.

"The guys wanted to meet up for a couple of drinks to talk about the game. Get some rest okay? I'll be back in a few hours" he says planting a soft kiss on my lips and one on my forehead. 

I nod as he pulls the comforter over me as well, starting to already to drift off to sleep. "Stay safe" I mumble and flip over to the other side to try and get more comfortable.

He looks down at me for a second and chuckles at my fucked out and sleepy state before walking out of our bedroom and soon I'm left with the sound of him closing and locking the door behind him. 

Although this night was bittersweet I'm thankful that it ended up like this. He's not a selfish lover when it comes to sex so I'm always left sleepy and satisfied except for the times that he's more rough, rough is putting it lightly so I guess I should say when he's more violent. 

I hate thinking about those nights and I refuse to let those dark thoughts cloud this physical euphoric feeling I have but I can't help but worry about what he might actually be going out to do.

 Would having a drink with the guys really make him want to leave his naked and freshly fucked wife alone in his bed? I just don't get it. If he's already been with me tonight could there be a possibility that he would wake up in another woman's bed and leave me waking up alone again tomorrow?

There's no use worrying about it though. It's not like it hasn't happened before, but why do I always let it get to me? Yes he's my husband but our marriage isn't like other ones in anyway shape or form. I'm here when he wants or needs me and that's it. I'm not allowed to want or need him because I'm just left disappointed every single time.

He doesn't love me, he just loves what I can give him and I need to come to terms with that. But it's nights like these where he's gentle and whispers sweet nothings in my ear that make me second guess things. 

Maybe he's changed? Maybe he's realized what actually matters? And maybe I'm just getting my hopes up. I can't keep lying to myself but I don't know what else to do. I feel alone most days but these little glimmers of hope are what keep me holding on and unfortunately that's all I have left. 

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[oleander-nin]

Horrotober Day 18 - Flame(Yandere Rise Mikey x Reader)

A/N, not important: I am trying so hard to make my work have like, emotion in it. Idk how I'm doing. Any criticism is welcome, constructive or not. This is supposed to be a gender neutral reader, so if I screwed up somewhere, please tell me.

-Ollie

CW: Fire, parental death, death, loss, grief written badly, gasoline, arson, burns, kidnapping, dark themes, yandere themes.

Words: 1278

Summary: Mikey burns down your old home as a testament to you new life with him.

The stark smell of gasoline stirs you awake, your eyes fluttering open to your dim room. Your night light was shining warmly in the corner, still protecting you after all these years. You lift off your blankets, sniffing the air with confusion. Have your parents knocked something over? Did they need help cleaning it? You pass by the night light in your old room as you make your way to your door, turning the slick handle with a grimace. It was wet, slippery with a liquid that was quickly soaking into your hand. You hesitantly bring it to your nose, taking a small whiff.

You yank your hand away from your face, gagging slightly. There was gasoline on your door, and from the puddle you had stepped through that was now soaking into your socks, it was also covering your floors. You quickly open the door, heading through the hallway while your old night light flickers behind you, sealed in a room of memories about to be destroyed. You desperately rack your brain for reasons the house was soaked in the volatile liquid, your heart pounding into your chest. Every step you took soaked your socks and the bottoms of your pajama pants more, the shiny fluid greedily latching onto you as you ran.

For the first time in your adult life, you throw manners to the window and open your parents door without knocking. Seeing them both lie there in their bed brought a small amount of relief to you, and you quickly cross their room to wake them. Shaking them both in turn makes you start to panic more as neither awakes. You turn on the lamp that sits on the bedside table, casting the room into a dim glow. You lean over and try to move their faces, hoping it would stir them. Taking a small breath for courage, you gently lift one's eyelids like you did when you were younger. All that it did was reveal their rolled back eyes, the white of the sclera being the only thing showing.

Only now you realize how stiff they both are, how the blood in their faces seemed to be traveling to their backs. You finally look at their faces fully, seeing the shut eyed screams they were frozen in. Their necks were badly bruised, the imprints of what looked like chains burned into their skin. Your heart sinks and you step back with a sob, crashing to your knees in your parents room. You don’t mind the cold gasoline soaking into, no longer worrying about the fire that could erupt from a single spark and swallow you whole. Loud sobs and screams leave you, wracking your body as your hands pull at your hair in despair. You were aware of what you needed to do, how you needed to grab the phone on their bedside and call the cops.

Your mind urged you to stand, to take control of the situation and mourn once you were safe, but your body refused. Your hands shook, desperately wanting the comforting touch of your parents and wishing for their hold, but you were stuck in the void of grief. Your world was crashing down around you. With the tears burning your face and the dull ache of your knees, you force yourself to get up and move to the phone, fumbling the power button. It flashes weakly at you, the familiar curse of an empty power bank mocking your troubles. You have every urge to shatter the phone in your hand, to throw it to the floor and watch the glass break to the tune of a hungry spider weaving their web.

You slip it into the pocket of your pajamas instead, knowing the priceless memories this phone had stored in its memory. You may have lost your parents tonight, but you would rather set the house aflame yourself than lose what little memories of them you could salvage. You cross the room once more and go to the other side of the bed, trying to keep your eyes off the still bodies of your parents. You couldn’t help but feel their faces were mocking you, the silent screams morphing into laughter that burned your ears and caused more tears to roll down your cheeks.

You curse loudly when you pick up the other phone to find similar results, quickly covering your mouth with your hand. Even now, you felt bad for cursing in front of your parents, and even worse for cursing in front of the dead. With two phones in your pockets and a heavy heart, you trudge back to your room in hopes to pick up your phone and what little money you had under your bed. Now that there was no one to save, you wanted to get out of the house quickly and keep yourself alive. There would be no murder reported if you died with them, and you refuse to let your parents die in vain.

The door to your room looks more like a portal to hell as you near it, your stomach churning with unease. You push the brightly colored wood in more, flicking on the light as you step in. You jump back when you see Mikey, confusion and worry flashing across your face. He was sitting on your bed, with one foot crossed over the knee and your phone in his hands. The light of the screen lit up his face, and whether he didn’t notice you or he was ignoring you, you couldn’t tell.

“Mikey?” You breathe out, stepping further into your room. His face seemed akin to an angel in the moment, your heart bleeding and desperately calling for the comfort his arms would bring. You rush forward, quickly falling against him as you sob, telling him of your parents while he quietly comforts you.

“I’m sorry, sunshine.” He murmurs, his lips pressing themselves to your forehead. You look up at him, more confusion in your eyes before you start to connect the dots. Mikey was here, and his wrappings smelled so strongly of gasoline it could make you hurl. You try to pull back, but he holds you firm, quiet apologies and reassurances falling from his lips as you scream. He lifts you into his arms, dropping your phone on the ground and cracking it under his feet. You thrash against him as he carries you through the door of your home, lighting it ablaze with his mystic powers that once amazed you.

A crackling blue portal sits at the end of your driveway, and Mikey carries you through, the lair on the other side. You continue to scream and fight in his arms, but Mikey never budges nor falters. His small stature was a ruse, his arms and capabilities stronger than you could ever hope to be.

“It was necessary,” He mumbles, his tone apologetic while he leads you towards the bathroom to clean the gasoline from your skin. He takes no notice of your punches or bites, only hissing when you land a hit to his cheek. “I needed you to stay. If you had something to return to, you’d never settle down.”

You don’t bother to ask what he means, or why he did what he did, only caring to get as far away from him as you could. Mikey continues to hold you down, pressing kisses to your face and whispering soft words in your ears like it would fix the damage he had done. Mikey wasn’t too worried about your fighting, knowing you would come around soon. A burned bridge could always be rebuilt, and Mikey wasn’t afraid of splinters.

[sweetsweetjellybean]

Eddie Munson x Married FemReader One shot Part 2

TW: Smutolicous, Smut-o-Rama, Smut, NSFW, Dubious Consent, Cheating, Squirting, Toys, Insults, Idk what else. Don't try this at home unless, but if you do I want to hear about it.

Thanks to @loveshotzz & @myobmaya who feed my Eddie brain rot.

Read Part 1 Here Fic Menu

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The screen door of your trailer whines as you push it open. Stepping out into humid air, it slams closed behind you with a loud whhhacck. Your eyes crinkle at the edges as you watch with amusement as a blonde with a ponytail and perky tits storms out of Eddie's trailer. He follows right behind her, bare-chested in a pair of sweats, throwing his hand in the air. 

"Oh. Come on."

"Screw you!" She screams at him over her shoulder as she gets in her car and drives off. He stands with his hands on hips, watching her drive down the road. With your arms crossed, you saunter across the street to chat with your neighbor. 

"Another satisfied customer?" You ask, coming to a stop beside him.

"Hardly," he says, watching her car kick up a cloud of dust as it heads down the road.

"What's the matter? You couldn't get her off?" He squares up to you, standing closer than considered polite.

"Actually," he drops his voice. "I was fucking her face, and I called out your name when I shot my load down her throat. I didn't come half as hard as I did with you."

"I'm flattered," you say, hooking your thumbs in your back pockets, and pushing out your chest to show him how hard your nipples just got.

"Did you get that thing yet?" Running your tongue over your teeth, you shake your head from side to side.

"Why not? You know you'll like it."

"I'm still thinking about it. What are you going to get out of it?"

"Don't worry about me, Sweetheart." He tucks some hair behind your ear. "Trailer trash pussy is my new bad habit." Your smile fades, and your face heats up at his insult. He catches your wrist before you can walk away.

"Get it. I'll meet you after work the day after tomorrow." Pulling your wrist out of his grip, you scoff at his audacity.

"You'll do it. We both know you like it when I tell you what to do. Shit, you're probably wet right now." He's right; you can feel your underwear stuck in between your damp folds. Moving closer, you push up on your toes, getting in his face.

"Fuck. You." You emphasize every syllable.

"Oh, Sweetheart. I know you'll be a good girl and do what you're told. I would hate to tell your husband about our playtime." His lips take on a cocky smirk that perfectly matches his tone.

"You think he would believe you over me. You're fucking delusional." You start walking across the road, but he stops you cold with his words. 

"What about when I tell him about that little birthmark you have on the inside of your thigh, or maybe I should describe the exact color of your nipples. Do you think he would believe me then?"

Spinning around, you give him a furious look, but he just grins.

"I'll see you the day after tomorrow. Oh, and Sweetheart, wear something pretty."

🍬🍭🍬

The cool material of your peach silk teddy glides over your hot skin as you open the door of room number seven with a strap falling off one shoulder. He has his hands on either side of the door frame, blocking the exit like he thinks you might run away. He's trying to look unaffected, but the way he's swallowing gives him away. His cropped band tee shows off the trail of hair that leads into his sweatpants, and it's your turn to swallow. 

"Very nice, Sweetheart. Sexy."

Wordlessly, you turn away from him and move further into the room. His hand comes down hard on your ass as the door clicks shut.

"Jesus, Eddie, that hurt. Keep your hands to yourself." The soft silk soothes your skin when you rub your hand over your backside.

"Come on, don't ruin all the fun." He takes a seat on top of the desk. 

"Fun? Is that what we're doing here? I thought we were here to fuck." Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, you lean back with your hands flat on the bed behind you. 

"We'll get to that. Did you get it?"

Cocking your head to the side, you flick your eyes toward the black shopping bag beside him on the desk.

"How did you feel buying it? Did you like everyone in the store knowing what you will do with it?"

 Using your arms, you slide back on the bed and rub your thigh together.

"You better start giving me your words, Sweetheart. Or I'm gonna think of a better use for your mouth." He warns, picking up the bad and looking inside.

"It made my pussy wet. I hope everyone in there thought about me using it. I hope they got off picturing me coming. But I wasn't as wet as I am now."

"Show me." His eyes are dark, and the bulge in sweats is starting to grow.

He can see the slick wetness glistening on your thighs as soon as you stand. Pushing the thin straps off your shoulders, the teddy slips down your body, ghosting over your hard nipples before pooling around your ankles. You let him look his fill before returning to the bed and spreading your legs, showing him your drenched cunt. 

"Jesus Christ. If you were mine, I wouldn't let you leave the house until I fucked your pussy raw." He reaches for the bag. "Cute," he says, pulling the hot pink dildo out of the bag.

"It's not as pretty as yours or as big. It's a shame. You'll never be inside me." His lips twist angrily as he stands up and pulls his shirt over his head before toeing off his shoes and socks.

"Lie down in the middle of the bed and spread your legs."

Pleased with yourself, you scoot your body to the center of the bed. Lying flat on your back, knees bent, you let your legs fall open. The cool air on your wet pussy has you clenching on nothing and rolling your hips while anticipating his next move. He watches you move as a small wet spot forms on his tented sweats. The side of the bed dips when he sits on the edge, one leg bent on the mattress, the other extended straight, his foot flat on the floor. Those chocolate eyes roam your body appreciatively. He reaches out his hand slowly, and you suck in a breath as his calloused fingers make contact with the skin of your shoulder. They smooth a path down your arm until he covers the top of your hand with his. He moves your joined hands until the pads of your fingers reach your slick heat. His hand never leaves yours as it moves through your folds. The feeling of the sides of his fingers brushing your puffy labia is even more intense than your fingers hitting your aching clit. 

"What are you doing? You can't touch me." Your breathy voice is hardly a protest.

"Relax," He says, pressing down a little harder. "I'm just touching your hand, helping you get ready. It's the neighborly thing to do, after all. Let me make it good for you."

"I didn't know that mattered to you."

"Of course it does. I can make it really good if you quit acting like a brat." His fingers are getting coated with your wetness. "Or don't. I'm fucking this cunt either way."

Your eyes flick to the dildo in his other hand. He sets it down on the bed near your head. Swallowing hard, you run your eyes over it, imagining him forcing it inside you. 

"Fuck, you just got even wetter. Don't worry, Baby. We are going to take this nice and slow." He pulls your hand away from your pussy and folds your glistening fingers so only your pointer finger is the one extended. Still covered by his, he brings it to your throbbing entrance. Pushing your finger inside, he slides his back to your knuckle, careful not to enter you. He moves your finger in and out, but it's too shallow, too small, and you ache to be filled. Moaning and thrusting your hips upward, the tip of his finger breaches your needy hole. 

"Please, Eddie. I need more." You plead, already teetering on the edge of orgasm, and you've barely been touched. It's his fingertip dipping in and out of you. Knowing with just a flick of his wrist or a hard thrust of your hips would have him inside you. Where you want him. Just the thought has your insides fluttering. 

"I know you do, Sweetheart. I'm going to help you." Reaching over your head, he takes the dildo in his other hand. Seeing him holding it makes you cry out. With a cocky smirk, he moves it toward your pussy. He gently rubs the head through your folds, bumping your fingers and driving them deeper. He taps the toy against your clit, and an electric shock runs through your body.

"Fuck. Yes. Please." You beg, but he pulls it away. It's dripping with your juices. "I want to taste you so bad. Can I?"

"Hmm. Yes." Writhing on the bed, you try not to thrust your hips, knowing the move would push him in deeper. Instead of licking the silicone, he smears it across your nipple. Before your lust-fogged brain calculates his intention. He dives for your tit, sucking in as much as possible, his teeth gently close on you as his tongue swirls over your nipple. 

"Eddie." Your hips fly off the mattress, you're coming. It hits you hard, your whole body shaking. As the aftershocks make your muscles clench, you realize your fingers aren't in your pussy. You have a death grip on his wrist. It's his finger swirling inside you. His teeth scrape your breast before catching just your nipple, biting down harder before releasing with a pop.

"You do taste good. Sorry, Sweetheart, I guess I broke the rules a little, although you don't seem to mind." He wiggles the finger you still have shoved inside you. Blood pounds in your ears as you pull his hand out and turn your red face away from him. He chuckles at your anger. "Well, that's one. I haven't decided how many times you'll come before I let you go." 

"Lucky me. Too bad you'll just end up coming in your pants. A little pathetic, don't you think?" 

"I can understand why that would disappoint you. We both know how much you love being covered in my cum."

Switching the toy to his dominant hand, he trails it over your cheek and across your breasts before running it through your folds. Shamelessly, you grind yourself against it.

"I'm tired of this game. You want me to come? I'll come, and then I'll leave, and you can jerk off all alone."

"Well, we better get to it then," he says as he angles the head of the toy at your entrance, slowly pushing it in. He watches as the shaft disappears into your tight hole.

"Oh god," you moan as you stretch around it, feeling its ridges drag against your inner walls. He pushes it in until its base is just outside your entrance and then pulls it out equally as slowly.

"It's already covered in your cum." His eyes are wide with fascination, and he adjusts his hard cock. Licking your lips as you watch him palm himself, you sneak a hand to lazily circle your clit. He shoves the dildo in hard, and it steals your breath. "None of that. I'm the one who's going to make you come." He fucks you hard. "Take your hand off your cunt." Sliding your fingers across your clit one last time, you let your hand drop to your side. "Good Girl." He slows his movements, pushing the toy in with one finger and allowing your muscles to push it back out again. The slow tease is excruciating, and a few tears of frustration run down your cheeks. He rubs his dick over his pants. "Your so fucking wet. I bet it's enough that this rubber cock would slide right in that tight ass. What do you think, Sweetheart? Want to find out?"

"No."

"No?" He's moving faster, timing it with the hand that strokes his cock. "You would look so pretty with your ass up in the air, this pink toy shoved inside, while your cunt drips. God, I could lay right under you and let your juice drip in my mouth." Little whimpers pass your lips, and your hands move to your breasts, roughly tugging your nipples. He starts crawling over you, his hand still working between your legs. "That's what really gets you off, isn't it? Knowing how much I want you. All the filthy things I want to do to you. Why don't you be a good girl and just give in." His face is just inches from yours, holding himself off you with one hand while slowly fucking the dildo into you over and over. 

"I don't fucking want you," you spit out, still rubbing at your tits. He chuckles darkly.

"Oh, Sweetheart, now you're a liar and a whore." He drops his hips and starts grinding, using his pelvis to fuck the toy into you. Lacing his finger with yours, he brings your joined hands up beside your head, holding you down while he thrusts. "Tell me how good this feels." He looks into your eyes, watching you pant and gasp.

"It feels so good. I love this cock inside me. It feels so much fucking better than you ever would."

"I'd feel a lot better than your limp-dick husband. Who won't even fuck you." He lets go of your hand to grab your tit, giving it a light slap before rolling your nipple. "My dick would wreck your cunt. I'd fill you with my cum and send you home to him with it dripping down your legs." 

"Please. Please…Eddie." All you can do is babble and claw at his back while bucking your hips desperately, trying to get more friction with the toy. 

"That's what you want. You want me to fuck all of your holes until they are overflowing with my cum. I'd eat it out of your cunt just so I could fill you up again. Tell me, that's what you want?" His words have you on the edge, but it's not enough.

"No. I don't want it. I don't want you." But your free hand starts pushing down his sweats until his cock is free; you can feel it dripping on you.

"You can't fucking have me." 

He reaches between you and pulls out the toy. Clenching on nothing, you whine at your sudden emptiness. Grabbing his cock you line it up at your entrance. As soon as his head is at your needy hole, he thrusts inside, filling you to the hilt. You open your mouth to scream, but no sound comes out; your walls are stretched more than ever before, instantly sending you over the edge; you come hard on his cock. He lets out a long groan at the feeling of your pussy milking him. 

He gives you no time to recover before he starts driving into you, deep and hard. He hits something in you no one's ever found before. It's too much. Something builds in your belly. He lets go of your other hand and pushes your knees up to your ribs. 

"Eddie, stop," you stutter even as your hands move to his ass, pulling him into you harder. 

"I can't, Sweetheart. I don't know if I will ever be able to stop fucking your tight cunt." He grips the headboard, his knuckles white, his arms and chest muscles flexing. He fucks into you, snapping his hips hard, his pubic bone hitting your clit on the upstroke. You can't hold back anymore, moaning; your pussy gushes around him. 

"Holy..fu..Jesus H. Christ, you're squirting all over me." Your muscles are so tight, but he fucks you right through it, and more and more of your juice splashes him. His movements are becoming erratic. One hand releases the headboard to wildly rub at your clit. 

"Fuck. No. Eddie. I can't. Please." You cry, tears running down your face. 

"I'm gonna come. I'm gonna fill you so full." Your legs are still shaking, and your senses are overloaded. He roars, and you can feel his hot cum starting to fill you. Your orgasm has never ended. It feels violent, you have absolutely no control, your cunt pulses as you moan and whine. He pulls out, your mixed cum dripping off his dick. His mouth goes right to your raw clit, sucking it and flicking it with his tongue. Shooting up, you kick and push until he's off you before rolling to your side, tucking your legs up, closing your eyes, catching your breath, and twitching through the aftershocks. 

He lies behind you, panting, stroking his softening dick. Gently, he rubs your slit, spreading the cum as it drips out. With a contented sigh, you cover his hand with yours, encouraging him to play in your folds. 

"Eddie, are you ever going to kiss me?"

"Sorry, Sweetheart, I can't have you falling in love with me."

Fic Menu

Tag List @ilovecupcakesandtea @bimbobaggins69

[queseraone]

Because I'm a rascal, but also because I really enjoyed the last round of questions: your favorite Chenford *scene* from each season. Only one scene (plus one honorable mention) allowed per season!

Rascal seems like a bit of an understatement!!! The way my brain broke reading this...

This was an interesting exercise. Some were super easy to answer, and some I stewed over for a long time... and I surprised myself with some of my picks actually!

Season 1 This was tricky, but I have to give it to the between-the-wall heart-to-heart in 1x20. The vulnerability is just next level, and this scene is iconic for a reason. I'd argue that this is the first time we can say with absolute certainty that their relationship is more than just TO and rookie.

Season 1 Honorable Mention: The scene in the shop outside Isabel's apartment in 1x03. It's the first time we see Lucy breaking down Tim's walls. She really shows her empathy here, and he responds with a vulnerability he hasn't allowed with anyone else. They've only been riding together for a few weeks (?) and somehow Lucy knows what he needs, gives him that safe space and a compassion he clearly hasn't seen in a long. time. It's a beautiful showcase of their dynamic together, but also reveals so much about them as individuals.

Season 2 Oh god, oh god, oh god. This is hands-down the hardest season to choose in, because it's my favourite one, and it's home to some of the most iconic scenes. In the end, I had to go with their exchange in the gym at the end of 2x12. In general this episode is one of my favourites, but this scene is so powerful. We see Lucy working through things, taking out her frustration, trying to channel her strength, to get back to herself. And somehow in that moment, Tim manages to make her smile. He opens up to her in a way we've never seen him do before, and most of all, he reminds her how strong she is. UGH, this scene makes me scream in the best possible way.

Season 2 Honorable Mention: Now that I've picked a favourite, second place is easy—their conversation in 2x17. I've always loved it so much, because between the teasing and the banter, we see this beautiful vulnerability as they talk about the Caleb of it all. It's truly a perfect showcase of their dynamic and everything I love about them. Shit, maybe this is my favourite season 2 scene? AHHHHH IDK

Season 3 I have to go with this scene from the end of 3x09. Hello, excuse me Timothy do you see how you're looking at her????? Also the fact that he dismissed Lucy's comments about missing riding with her earlier in their shift, meanwhile he had already specifically written just that??? AGJLAERGJALGJRLA It's becoming quite clear that my favourite scenes are the ones that I feel most embody their dynamic, and this is no exception—the perfect mix of playful and soft.

Season 3 Honorable Mention: At the wedding venue in 3x14, duh. THE TUX. THE GREEN DRESS. "Save me a dance." HELP HELP HELP *faints*

Season 4 This was was actually pretty easy for me, it's 4x01, the scene at Tim's house. The fact that Tim not only invited her into his space, he practically insisted. Seeing Lucy wearing his clothes, seeing them together, not just outside of work, but in a very intimate space (at a very vulnerable time)???? That hug?? (That look??!?!) THAT HUG?!?!?!! The way Lucy just melts into him is the visualization of what we'd known for so long—that he's her safe space. (And she's his.) UGH, my heart. The entire exchange just felt so damn hopeful, like one of the first real hints that there was something more bubbling under the surface.

Season 4 Honorable Mention: While that kiss in 4x22 was so exciting, I have to give it to the scene outside the hospice. The vulnerability we see between them here, seeing Lucy be Tim's safe space—it's such an incredible parallel to 4x01.

Season 5 HANDS HANDS HANDS. This one was also an easy pick, because I think this is my favourite moment EVERRRRRRRRRRR. The way any trace of Jake/Dim vanishes in that moment, and all we're left with is Tim and his visceral need to check in with Lucy, to be that grounding force for her, to remind her that she's here, she's safe, and she's strong. It's just everything.

Season 5 Honorable Mention: While my #1 scene in this season is easy, it's incredibly hard to pick just one honorable mention. I waffled between the super hot kiss on the plane in 5x01, and the vulnerability in their exchanges in 5x21, and so many other great options... But I think I'd have to say that cold open in 5x10 when we see them getting ready for their date—that whole thing just perfectly embodies everything I love about them. The teasing, the banter, the comfort level between them, the best friend energy, how damn happy they are. It's just so fun and so them and makes me giddy every time I watch it.

I can't wait to see which scene will top my list for season 6... as of now it's obviously this one (I just want to watch this again, so here you go!)

[soupieoopieisloopie]

I always wonder how Beetlejuice would react to someone who looks very sweet and soft but is actually really hardcore. Like death metal, rage room, loves extremely gorey and disturbing media, constantly wanting someone to pick a fight with them so they could pummel them kinda hardcore.

It would be funny if they scared Beetlejuice a bit more than beetlejuice would scare them haha

Here's some drabbles just to get this idea out of my head lol I'm no writer so aa yeah DJSBJZ idk if I captured his Beetlejuice-ness enough ee

No pronouns used but a little (and I mean very little) nsft bc it's beetlejuice lol

_______

"Hey babes! Ya miss-?" He'd ask as he suddenly appears in their room, loud gutteral screaming stopping him in his tracks for a split second before he basks in it. His breather is glued to the TV as he sways over to their side on the couch. Bloody cries and begs fill the silence between them.

Beetlejuice looks between the TV and his sweet breather, dressed in hello kitty pajamas with a stuffed animal under their arm. Kitten socks on their feet and a bunny hair band holding their hair from the puppy print face mask they have on. Such a stark contrast from the bloody murder playing on the TV. He chuckled to himself as he sat back and continued watching with them, laughing occasionally.

__________

"I'm going out, Beej. Please behave." You absentmindedly say as you grabbed your keys, heading for the door.

"Where'ya goin? Can I come?" Beetlejuice would say hopefully as he shot up from his place on the couch. You were wearing sweats with one leg covered in cutesy anime Chibis and some logo for the anime you were currently obsessed with and a tank top that read 'BE KIND' In bright letters with stars and smily faces surrounding it (If you have long hair it'll be tied up) you weren't dressed up fancy so he didn't have a clue where you'd be going. It was your day off and he couldn't recall any plans that didn't include suffocating you with his 'love'.

"I'm going to a rage room, helps me decompress." You said with a chuckle, wanting to see how he'd react since you knew he didn't think you had a violent bone in your body. You'd shoo out any bugs that got inside, choosing to let the spiders you'd see around your place be as they helped with other bugs, you weren't overly confrontational either and he'd only ever see you cry when you were really mad. He looked at you from across the room confused but intrigued.

"Rage room? Is that some breather code for orgy?" Beetlejuice sat up on his knees from his previous sitting position, looking dopey and cocky as per usual.

"If you wanted one babes all you had to do was-"

"No! That's not what that means!" You cut him off with a laugh, you always appreciated the demons enthusiasm and humor.

"Its a room where you break stuff! Hence 'rage' room." You explained as you put on your shoes. If he wasn't already interested in joining you, he sure as sugar was now. He'd never seen you take your anger out on anyone or anything for that matter. You tended to cry it out, take a moment and sometimes you'd yell a bit while venting to him but usually he was the one who broke things so he was definitely going to tag along for the ride.

"you can come, but I don't go easy on the stuff in there. Also if appreciate it if you didn't distract me. It's the only time I can take my pent up rage out and have zero consequences." You laugh as you pick up your bright bag with some first aid, water bottles and your wallet and things for your phone Incase you were there for longer than you planned.

Cut to you demolishing every piece of furniture in the room, the safety suit hiding the rage and fire behind your eyes as you yelled out and screamed all the things you'd wish you could say to the people that come in and out of your life. Beetlejuice watching in fascination and a little bit of 'im going to screw their brains out when we get home'

He loved this side of his sweet and cuddly breather.

______

You were listening to your usual music when beetlejuice decided now would be the perfect time to yank your headphones from your head and see what kind of cutesy music you were listening to as you went about your day. Safe to say his hears almost bled with the volume of the music, looking at you as if you were an imposter.

"Who are you?? Where's my precious breather??" He'd cry out as he took whatever you were working on from you and held it protectively.

"Beej, stop playing around I want to finish that!" You'd laugh out, only making him back away from you further.

"No! You're not allowed to touch (Y/N's) things!" He'd hiss as he playfully ran around your shared space. He only let up when you managed to bribe him with a few kisses.

______

I'm not a writer so djsbjxhs sorry if this is bad LOLOL I read lots of fan fics tho (⁠◠⁠‿⁠・⁠)⁠—⁠☆ this was pretty fun to do instead of working out tho haha

[chihirolovebot]

idk if it’s ever been talked abt before but i was suddenly gripped by physicist in the love hotel thoughts like. what would be their ideal??? what would go down???

the love hotel is actually an insane concept but now i can’t help but think about it with physicist (and physouma, of course)

phys in the love hotel .... i dont think ive talked abt it before ? at least not at length . probably bc the love hotel is Slightly Weird to me , even if u hc the characters as adults which i do, there's still like . shinguuji, shirogane and iruma's which are just certified dr freakishness all over.

HOWEVER i think ive said before im a big fan of some of them. i love ouma's for character reasons and bc when i played the game i was a much bigger saiouma shipper than i am now ( not that i dont ship them anymore they just dont take up as much space in my head + i prefer kiiruma lol ) . i loved amami's , kiibo's, harukawa's, and momota's too :3

PHYS THOUGH . ok lets think. lets ponder together. we r those monkeys holding hands and spinning rly fast in a circle. you mentioned with physouma BUT i wanna quickly explore what a canonverse phys kamasutra event would look like, which would be with saihara.

i think it would be one of the events that kinda . border on romantic ? but is never explicit. definitely one of the more wholesome ones that would maybe revolve around them bonding or opening up to each other and ends with some slight physical touch ( which is sort of a big thing for phys ) like them resting their head on saihara's shoulder or them cuddling up in bed together and falling asleep. i think that could be kinda cute :3 as for the 'ideal' saihara would play for phys i can imagine it being maybe a childhood friend or a classmate they've known for a while, so they dont have to do the building blocks of building intimacy or small talk . which makes them anxious.

OKAY PHYSOUMA TIME. claps hands. the 'ideal' ouma would be playing would probably look different, since it's implied a big part of phys's initial attraction to him is trying to solve what makes his brain tick. they're a lot like saihara in that sense , and i feel like their love hotel event would take a similar form to the saiouma event in the game, with ouma playing like a phantom thief and saihara as a detective . very classic. but phys doesn't suit the role of a detective , exactly...

ok angsty thought . it's been mentioned that phys has passed through a few orphanages and foster homes so what if ouma as their ideal was another kid there . one who was super mysterious at first but is implied through phys's dialogue to have gradually opened up, and is now at the point where they have a fully trusting relationship. like phys makes comments on 'i'm so glad you opened up to me eventually' and 'i feel like getting to know you was such a puzzle... but i'm glad i stuck with it in the end! because it was worth it, for you.' AHHGHGHH sticking my head into a drain and screaming so my agony is reverberated throughout the entire street. just . so much emphasis on how phys's ideal for ouma is one where he trusts them entirely and their relationship is based on open and equal communication.

i can also see phys confessing and that being like the central kind of .plot point for lack of a better word. like the whole thing is kinda building up to it and ouma's getting progressively more nervous as he realises what they're getting at. i think he would try to evade it at first , do his normal tricks, but it risks the dream ending because phys's ideal of ouma is one that Doesn't Do That. so he very uncertainly relents and allows them to express how they feel . and at this point he's all I've Made A Big Mistake because its gotten way too emotional and intimate and theyre looking at him for an answer and it feels so real .

would he confess back or let the dream end . i guess it depends on how far in the story we are . sickening as it is. in a non killing game au i think he would confess . i think far enough into the story he also would , knowing that he cant and wont in real life because of what he plans to do in chapter 5 . but who knows ! who knows.

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Alright we're gonna do our first big compilation of my longass notes for a friend of the blogs fic, obviously we mUST start with The Thunder Answered Back by @spicymiilk

Fair warning, I would read the whole fic before reading my notes and laughing/crying along with me. I do think you can go chapter by chapter if you wish. Also a fair warning, I usually cull my notes before posting a fic comment; I really let myself go wild here. Proceed with caution.

Chapter one I didn't have too many notes bc I was deep in it and also there wasn't too too much cringe. Idk if this is well known about me, but I can watch like, hardcore porn or gore and not flinch. I used to watch Animal Planet vet shows while eating cheese its when I got home from school, just munching away while they did surgery on little puppies. But if you write even a tiny bit of cringe it takes me like 5 business days to recover. I fully cannot look at the screen. I will leave the room if an awkward conversation happens in my tv show. I also can't not react to cuteness as well. These notes were mental escapes a lot of the time in this fic, like mother of GOD I want to die even imagining these conversations. Mortifying. Anyways.

Unhinged things I would say on the google doc but here!

DIALOGUE, dialogue, dialogue, dialogue. It can make or break a piece and it CARRIED in this one. It's so very cringe and realistic lol. Dialogue is usually the hardest for writers but I don't think our man here has this problem lol.

Great setting as well, I can feel the heat. A setting you can physically feel is so immersive, it sucks you right in, and my ass has never been to Italy but I've been on a dock and I've been in a hot thunderstorm and I can feel it all.

Obsessed with the way Spider steps into the house and Neytiri's like "dinner, gayboy??" like she was on his ass instantly skskskks. HER LITTLE SLIGHTS AT HIM?? EXPLAIN, LOL. WHAT DID THE CHILD DO? Reminds me of the time my friends mom asked me to stop calling her Chris and I didn't understand why and just blurted back "Okay, Chris." It's just so funny to me when she hates Spider in modern fics, because there's no systemic context it's just her beefing with a small child oddly lol. Having read the whole fic now, it's just Quarich's racism connection, I believe.

I am obsessed with the plight of the boys. Obviously Spider needs to leave, but I'm hoping Lo'ak escapes the military industrial complex lol. I'm so torn. I had Sully fam on the brain, and I wanted Spider's continuing relationship with them all so badly. Maybe I simply need for them to ask Spider to stay with them? Like "live with us for a year buddy, get yourself ready for college. You can do anything king but also ur part of the family, now go deflower our son."

Here is that clarifying question I asked: Did Kiri and Spider have sex??? Or did Mandy tell her about Spider's dick? OR BOTH? I simply could not figure that out. Also missed opportunity to name that character Ninat for the lols. The next generation of Ninat's beefing with and over Sully men.

Now that you've given me my answer, truly hilarious comedic content for everyone around.

Kiri, at night: want to hear about Spider’s dick?

Lo’ak, charcoal and paper out, ready to create an impressive sketch: ew, no, go ahead.

Chapter two, FUCK OFF Jeytiri flirting karaoke is adorable, that’s hilarious. The whole scene made my heart happy bUT NOT HAPPY ENOUGH not enough comfort I need more of it.

Spider turning to Lo’ak who's aLREADY LOOKING AT HIM cause they’re both like “oh you mentioned love, let me look at my best friend,” I’ll die.

Lo’ak literally BEGGING Spider to sing so he can swoon in the corner. I love this headcanon that seems to be cropping up of Spider being like a really good singer, it's very interesting to me.

JAKE UNDERSTANDING SPIDER I’ll die. Jake’s adopted that child you can’t convince me otherwise. Dude, even Neytiri fucking sees him as part of the family, I’ll scream. The tooth gem thing??? Iconic. Loved it. She’s giving Spider specifically cookies??? I’ll die. She's included him in all their shit. Not just anyone can do family game night karaoke. The karaoke, I am obsessed. Adorable. The Kiri and Lo’ak banter means the world to me. Their limp wrist agenda, the limp wrist bullying. What will he do when he can’t hold that against her? She must be unbearable to him in return when Spider isn't there. We love a homophobic gay. It's like what I said about my roommate i slept with twice (who follows me on here and we all better hope doesn't perceive this post); "I only get offended when SHE calls me slurs because I know then it comes from a place of true homophobia."

Kiri is literally begging Spider to understand Lo’ak wants him. BEGGING LO’AK TO UNDERSTAND SPIDER WANTS HIM. Kiri trying not to die at how obvious they both are. Kiri, going to beat the shit out of Lo’ak for asking about Mandy of all people bc of how far he's gone to avoid learning about that. I STILL AM UNCLEAR AS TO IF HIS ASS ACTUALLY DIDN'T KNOW SPIDER BROKE UP WITH MANDY OR HE WAS JUST BEING AN ASS.

Also fuck u for underestimating the importance of Tuk to Spider, he wants Tuk to remember him please I swear.

Also I have noted you have hinted at Spider’s praise kink. I can see it clearly. Nothing more will be said on that topic, but sometimes a praise kink simply makes sense for a character.

'IT COMES OUT MORE LIKE GAY' that was just for me, I know. So was Ninat's kid, obviously. Now that it's cONFIRMED for me I love to know that I am the target audience of all locorro fics ever.

Spider: *calls Lo’ak baby and gets embarrassed*

Lo’ak: *rebooting*

Lol Spider punching Lo’ak for saying slurs is so funny. Lo’ak's like if I say it I ain’t it, and that's on falling for the guy that is punching me for saying the slurs.

This little "I knew" reveal was CERTAINLY not what I was expecting. Not at all. A delightful little twist huh? A little trope subversion? AN EXPLICIT DRUNK CONFESSION IS SO HEART-WRENCHINGLY AWFUL OH MY GOD. WHAT HAPPENED THEN WHAT DID THEY D O I MUST KNOW. "It’s not a big deal bc I… like u too obviously lol." That's the end of the sentence and the end of the communication. I was driven insane by that, I just finished XO Kitty, worst show ever, and I was reminded how much I despise when communication would solve legit every problem but it's handled realistically here. Communication is so hard for the boys Kiri will throw hands. And I brought your inhaler with me obvs cause I’m in love with you.

I’m sad about an asthmatic fist fight but it’s so appropriate. I am sad tho. I am a hurt/COMFORT bitch where is my COMFORT. I don't think my body is ready for a nocorro fic from u @spicymiilk my blog is about to become all comforting headcanons and we're going to ignore the plethora of Hunger Games ones I got today.

Now we have to sit here in this world where Lo'ak thought Spider was emotionally(?) cheating on Mandy with him if he thought they were still dating, the fucking clown idiot fool.

FINALLY, for the third and final chapter, with some bonus answers Andrei has given to my demanding all caps questions.

I’m so mean, I’m laughing at the idea of Kiri waking up at an ungodly 7:34am to Lo’ak ugly crying over Spider’s fake bed on the floor like he’s gone off and died in the war. She’s just like the pizza box community meme like uhhhh. Now I know this must happen oFTEN so I again figure that she must have gotten really good at sleeping through his ugly sobbing.

JHUST FUCKING LEAVE QUARITCH THIS IS SO ANNOYING GET OUT OF MY PLOT I’M TRYNA SEE KIRI’S TEXTS, ugh I'm so biased I despised how much he was in this chapter he should choke I wish asthma was contagious. Although, for some reason Quaritch calling Spider Lo’ak’s wife did things to me personally, The sweet homosexual love line then took me out back and popped me (I mean this in a like, Italian mafia putting me down outside way and not like, doing poppers outside a club although for some reason both are giving the same energy).

Neytiri murdering Spider for both turning her son gay and also making him sad can be something so personal. I still am in denial of every universe where she doesn't like him, and in this one I just love the idea of them slinking back to Italy having eloped or some shit where Spider now has to build that relationship but now having deflowered and stolen her son in the night. Hilarious. They must bond over talking about how stupid he is. They're so similar, how can the people with Jake and his clone not be.

Lol I also forgot Lo’ak got a black eye, that makes Kiri’s texts earlier so much funnier. Kiri was like they made out so hard he was struck with love. Developed a bruise. His gayness punched him in the face.

SPIDER KILL YOURSELF IM IN YOUR ROOM KICK YOUR DAD OUT IS SO FUNNY TO ME THE KYS SPECEFICALLY KILELD ME.

Oh my god the crying was all a lie, a fantasy, I’m so disappointed. More realistic, sure, but still. I am unclear as to if it was rEAL.

I had the cunt thing spoiled for me when I was catching up on posts I missed; never did I imagine lol. Almost as hilarious as Lo’ak telling Spider to die because he didn’t look at him, gay.

Spackle covering the hole in the wall, hmm, I wonder who punched that there?? Also abusive Quaritch giving romantic advice is making me want to puke up all my organs. I know Andrei says say the hole in the wall was nothing, but you can't have an abusive dad character and then mention a hole in the wall and nOT have us thinking that Quaritch punched a hole in the wall. Every reader is gonna think that.

Lol those Kiri texts and what she says is sO MEAN god I totally get why she did it but omg way to ruin a man over something that is not his decision or his fault. She’s just so so mad about the gays being dumb. Can’t believe she finally coughed up this info. Also the way Quaritch could probably hear all this through the wall makes me wanna die.

Speaking of Quaritch, what an interesting portrayal of their relationship. As a Quaritch hater, there's very few fics where I don't just fully skip long interactions with him. I gotta have really been sucked into the world, and I was with this one. I can't tell what of my feelings on the characters have made me biased on the relationship and what are my feelings on what the text portrayed. The feeling of too late in their relationship is there, overwhelmingly and devastatingly, but part of me found myself unconvinced by the attempts from Quartich. I literally can't tell if it's my own bias (most likely) or if it's my own lack of explicit background knowledge.

What we do learn of the past we learn in fragments, passing lines from Spider's internal monologue. They aren't the focal point of the story, but they are deeply important to the world created, and it leaves me with a feeling like I'm in an unfinished paint by numbers; I don't quite have the full picture. (Again, as I always say to you in my beta notes Andrei, these are incredibly harsh comments for fic. It's just good enough I'm treating it as though it's more lol (bc it can be)).

As to why everyone is finding Kiri mean; yeah she's neurospicy and we do clearly get the vibe that they talk to each other in this way, this casual banter that doesn't really mean anything. That being said, casual "kill yourself" or like "this is all your fault" and shit like that when the character is clearly upset and angry comes across as serious. Knowing Kiri as a character I didn't think she was, but reading it took me aback because as a standalone I don't have that context. In arguments and serious moments those words pack a punch, especially to a reader in such close third as we are with Spider in this one. We are WITH him and seeing only his thoughts and perspectives, his hurt is front and center so it's easy to feel hurt and defensive as a reader. I digress.

Lo’ak’s like every man in a crime show calling his wife to hear her voice one last time before he goes to to the dangerous mission and almost dies. He's like "I'll hear Spider's breathing and then know the US military is the way for me." Spider, the barrier between Lo’ak and the goddamn US military. That’s so funny to me. This is another reason to feel confused by Kiri's vitriol; it's not Spider's fault what Lo'ak chooses to do with his life and it is unfair to blame him. One line of her doing it I get, but she does it several times and the only excuse we get for her is from Spider.

Kiri is better than me I’m an awful secret keeper. But also maybe she could’ve coughed that bad boy up earlier, huh?

Tbh tho, on a serious writing note; it’s so well written because from the beginning we know exactly what is happening. They both like each other and Kiri knows both sides. That was obvious to me. You tell us from the get go that Spider is leaving when he turns 18, and that Lo’ak is leaving to join the military, WE KNOW WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN. And yet the train chugs on and each event sets it in motion instead of derailing it, leaving us with an inevitable tragedy we all saw coming. Well done. If I was giving line edits on a publishable work, I’d say speed up the timeline. Make the whole fic (so excluding prior events like the party) all happen like. A few days before Spider leaves. I want to feel it all in real time, up close, as it happens. No breaks in time. I also want that memory convo with Lo’ak earlier lol, so that the realization of it can hit later. And honestly, if it wasn’t fic I’d leave it with the Kiri and Spider convo. No happy ending. BUT NOW LET ME GO READ MY WELL DESERVED HAPPY ENDING. U would've been SICK for not including one.

Extremely uncommon fanfiction Jake Sully W here. It should be more common I am an unapologetic stan.

Them going to find each other is so funny to me. Kiri was personally sending them on a wild goose chase as revenge.

OH THERE IT IS THE COMMON JAKE SULLY L. Although driving your gay ass son to do an airport rom com moment at 5:45am is actually quite the parenting w, where the fuck was Neytiri she would’ve been much more efficient. I mean she wouldn't have let him go, but she would've been efficient about it.

The idea of Lo’ak making his final decision to go to the military earlier in the day and then not actually doing it until he wakes Jake up at 2am makes me cackle. Jake: you go get that dick son, your mother can kill us both later.

ALSO WHY’S HE PULLING HIS SHIRT COLLAR SO HIGH, HMMM, ANDREI??? Showing up to meet his grandmother absolutely dEFILED. Does Lo'ak even have a change of clothes, that monster.

It’s 2:18am (when I originally write this), I have work tomorrow as I do literally every day of the week, and I’m just smiling to myself at this shit. Criticism: not enough of them being happy and also I didn’t get to learn what depraved things Spider wanted to do to Lo’ak that he drunkenly told him about that Lo’ak then had to live with torturing himself (and Kiri) over for months.

Andrei's response on what Spider drunkenly said to Lo'ak for the people: The depraved things are as follows— spider sat his ass in Lo’ak’s lap, completely and utterly gone, and waved poetry about Lo’ak’s long and strong fingers for at least ten minutes. He also made sure to mention his borderline tank top kink. Lo’ak definitely did not internalize that

I just have to say; I should've expected that. Those two gay ass losers to simply lose their minds over tHAT, which is like nOTHING. A REGULAR CONVERSATION I'D DARE SAY. ONE OF THE FIRST CONVERSATIONS I HAD WITH ONE OF MY ROOMMATES WAS ABOUT HER HAND KINK, SO I RECIPROCATED BY SAYING I THOUGHT THE DWARVES IN LOTR HAD GOOD HANDS. LO'AK WAS DEAD, SIMPLY MURDERED, A BLUSHING FOOL OVER THAT.

Lo'ak, stumbling into his and Kiri's room: Spider confessed his love for me and said... depraved things.

Kiri: OH MY GOD WHAT DID HE SAY.

Lo'ak: He said he likes my tank tops... I can barely speak of it out loud.

Kiri: Oh. 🙄

Also lowkey Kiri has to be enraged they’re normal now that they’re away from her. ALSO DOESN’T THAT BITCH LO’AK HAVE SCHOOL?? Hilarious all around. Lo’ak brings Spider back because they cannot be apart and then keeps him in his and Kiri’s room for the next year until he finishes high school. They see how long they can go without Quaritch finding out Spider’s nearby. Kiri hates them so much, especially now that they fuck in her space.

Andrei said in response to this: Lo’ak finished school in Florida!! Pulled a fast one on the school system and said hey I’m smart enough to finish like two classes here. Kiri didn’t speak to EITHER of them for months. Neytiri would call to check up and Kiri would be whining in the background about how she’s betraying her

They make up when Spider saves up to get her a ticket to visit them for a summer 🤸

The idea of Lo'ak never returning is so funny to me in so many ways. First of all, Spider dropping him off and picking him up like he's the sexy older boyfriend in every romcom ever. Second, the idea of Spider bullying him for having to go to school still. Three, they just squat with Spider's grandma, and she's like god I expected one gay loser not TWO. Four, Neytiri calling to check up just resulting in her and Spider both bitching about Lo'ak and Kiri respectively here is how the Neytiri and Spider fanboys can win-

Also, the idea of someone having to tell Neteyam about this makes me want to cry real tears of laughter. He’s in his first semester of college someone free him.

Andrei said: Let neteyam live in blissful ignorance. He knew Lo’ak was a raging homosexual for their entire lives and the second he saw spider he was like. Oooohhh okay. And then he never looked again the mental strength required to deal with it was just too much

Kiri, on facetime: so Lo'ak followed Spider-

Neteyam, opening a textbook in his Harvard dorm room or some shit:

[hydrangeasimagination]

Power Couple

A/B/O AU - An alternate universe where in which couplings and biology are determined by alpha, beta, omega dynamics.

Pairing(s): Alpha! Bakugo Katsuki X Alpha! Gender Neutral! Reader

Summary: Katsuki was just there to pick you up, now having to put someone in their place for thinking they had a chance with you.

A/N: IDK man, this is old and I just wanted to post it. I think this was meant to take place in the TBT universe???

Warning(s): Possessiveness. Unrequited Feelings.

Katsuki knew there would be an inordinate amount of people of other classes interested in you.

Who wouldn't be?

Beautiful, strong, kind.

A good alpha.

His alpha.

The smell of him stained - mixed with your own. Of course he didn't mark you, the both of you were still in high school and hadn't shared even a rut together yet. But one would either have to lack self preservation or just believe that you'd be so willing as to leave him.

Even though he no longer rode the train with you everyday , he made it a point to see you often - make sure you smell like him.

This is one of those times...

With gritted teeth, standing at full height - his posturing promised the spill of blood if his warning wasn't heeded. Like he'd tear a throat out if he wasn't stopped... Intimidating and radiating hostility, a wordless command to move out of his goddamn way

He stormed across the stone path, bristling, a bitter smell arising overpowering the scent of smoke rising from his heating palms. People ducked and swerved out of his way, anxious as to his approach.

Recognizing him as he embodied wrath.

All eyes were on him.

"Get your filthy fucking hands off of my alpha." He snarled through his bared fangs, vision bleeding into crimson.

Threatening in every form... The physical embodiment of an apex alpha.

"Hey." He hissed, shoulders squaring as he approached the now terrified looking omega.

She cowered, legs trembling as she tried not to make eye contact. To not look into those burning rubies that sent the need to run screaming home pounding into her survival instincts.

"S - save me, alpha..." She pleaded as she tugged at the back of your hoodie.

Only for her hands to be smacked away, the acidic scent sending her stomach twisting and shrinking.

"I'm fuckin' talking to you."

She froze and slowly lifted her head to look up. You weren't even looking at her, instead, your tranquil gaze rested upon the furious face of the alpha that had approached in the first place.

"Katsuki," You hum, "It's okay."

But you touch the other alpha's face, take his smoking hand with a free one.

His alpha.

With that single touch, with the fluttering scent of cotton and rosemary - it was as if you quelled an eruption. Shoulders dipping, gaze softening, it was hard to tell if he was the same terrifying time bomb that had caused people to run the other way. Those originally sent scrambling watching in awe as he leaned into the soothing palm pressed to his cheek - not unlike a cat.

You shifted to look at the omega, frowning slightly at her scared, upset, scent though unsurprised.

"I'm sorry he scared you," Your tone was light as you stroked the back of his neck "But I said I wasn't interested."

At that, his gaze slid back onto her, sharp enough to cut. Shoulders squaring as he moved even closer, looking her in the face as he pressed his face to your scent gland. Mixing both in a cocktail that buzzed against the insides of his brain.

Katsuki is unable to stop the cruel smile that appeared on his handsome face, arms curling around your waist.

The soft expression on your face is sympathetic, but it stung in its existence - informing her to what she now knew.

If it hadn't been clear to her before, there was no competition.

No omegas to fight.

Only one alpha.

A fight she'd long since lost.

[delicatebluebirdruins]

lockwood & co. the screaming staircase and the whispering skull initial thoughts

TSS: some things have not aged all that well (some comments from and about George) still have no idea if i did read this book or not way back in 2013. wish Barnes was proud of them in the show for Combe Carey Hall as well

and i would have loved to see them deliver the scene when Lucy tells Lockwood what happened back home just they have the acting chops to make [436] me yell "I trust your Talent and your judgement, and i'm very proud to have you on my team. OK?" (also lmao about Lucy running from the conversation with Lockwood and then what Lucy fell on when the skull spoke) also "Lockwood laughed again. Really laughed, I mean. He'd thrown his head back, I could tell"

TWS: didn't make official end of book thoughts for this (idk why) but here is my notes through reading it properly. i did enjoy it though

page numbers are for my copy so it might be different under a read more as i got long

the time between books got me a wee bit confused (it's easily done the moment 7 months was mentioned any semblence of understanding went out the window then my brain caught up)

uh did we need explanations of things when there is a glossary at the back of the book (and another book before hand)

19 the wraith hunting being cut out of the show (it was referenced we just don't see it) is really understandable considering the special effects involved it was a lot of ghosts

116 they get told about the mirror being stolen makes it seem less powerful

127 quite like the debrief

153 i like this reveal died of fright

159 ish "Flo Bones annoyed me" that came through pretty clearly in the show (also side note both trollop and slapper pretty much means the same thing :/)

"slow dawn of cunning realisation" what'd she realise?

190 George put the skull in the oven (and we see those recordings on the thinking cloth in the show)

222 i really don't like the jabs towards Carvers death i know he is technically a bad guy but still but i do like the quote on 225 "death is fugitive even when you're watching for it, the actual instant somehow slips through your fingers. You don't get that sudden drop of the head you see in movies. Instead you simply sit there, waiting for something to happen, and all at once you realise you've missed it. time to move along now. nothing to see. nothing to see there, ever again."

232 don't like the jabs. but I do like the reference to Portland Mews

234 hello job offer from Kipps

240 I like them settling down to talk with the skull

252 "[lockwood] grinned; it was that warm smile that made everything seem simpler; ready to click perfectly into place."

257 bring the skull without telling Lucy seem's a bad idea

292 Ned Shaw is a jackass

296 I really like the rat ghost scene it is so creepy. would have liked to see it in the show but the thought of the budget would probably not have stretched that far.

314 teamwork. i love this "the opening of Mrs Barrett's tomb saw us all set personal high- jump records"

317 the first locky

326 giving the necklace is really short and not as emotionally charged but also compliments so I really can't give it to much grief

"Lucy you look delightful," he said "George, you'll have to do. Oh, here's something for you, Luce. Might go with that excellent dress." He took my hand and placed in it a necklace of pretty silver links, with a small diamond as a pendant. It was really very beautiful "what?" I stared at it. "where'd you get this?"

"Just something i had. i suggest you close your mouth when you wear it..."

329 I love the descriptions of the relic collumns

breaking into the library is a last minute choice which is kinda funny

341 golden blade has a name Gabriel, pickled lungs on display and the Orpheus Society sounds interesting this is going to be fun

351 Breaking into Winkman's was pre planned

356 taking turns going in first causes bickering

362 the auction guests are recognisable and so when Lockwood spots Gabriel he recognises them... kind of defeats the purpose of the black market right?

369 the plan is "controlled" explosions

375 "he's shot his way through," I said. "on the upside, that's one less bullet for us.".

"How i love youre optimism, Luce..."

lmao love it

381 "we jumped out together, hand in hand"

397 i love this "they didn't stay- there was just a short discussion, then they both went off together. They took the sack. I thought Cubbins seemed uneasy. He was unsure of what he was doing. At the last moment he ran back in and left you that note. I'd say he was still fighting against my master, but the other fellow isn't. He's long gone"

and "but Cubbins has the madness too. Did you not notice? A whispered chuckle. Perhaps you never look at him."

400 figuring the connection of the missing dagger

441 George pretending to be dead

446 freeing the ghosts from the bone glass is always a favourite no matter the form and of course Lockwood is here "Anthony Lockwood stood there. He was covered in grave- dust, and there was cobwebs on his collar and in his hair. His trousers were torn at the knees, his fingers bleeding. He'd looked smarter in his time, but I can't say he'd ever looked better to me"

465 still haven't figured out the goggles

468 I love the walk up to the door and of course this quote "it was the old Lockwood smile again; the landing grew much brighter"

(you know saddest people smile the brightest thing)

basically every other chapter of both books i had the thought of "I am so glad they combined this into two" and i still have no idea why

i did have fun sharing some bits with my sister (she might read them later)

i used a lot of tabs in these books (big one with seven colours i actually finished it when i was finishing the Whispering Skull)

now back to the show and i do have thoughts (one of which will make the fight after the graveyard scene more insane stay tuned)

[lottiecrabie]

I fear this new line cook! matty content is driving me to a point of no return... the asylum is calling me rn

why does the concept of a more greasy, gross and depraved matty turn me on MORE? like the concept of being younger (but not so young it's weird cmon now, no nonce vibes) and him corrupting you... YUP!!!!

do you have any concept on how it all starts? my brain goes to you need the extra money and host! Adam needs someone to stay late one night and clean, so he asks if you'll do it. you reluctantly agree bc you really need the cash but think you're alone in the restaurant so you have music full blast whilst cleaning and eventually from behind you hear "nice music taste sweetheart would've have guessed you were a - fan" (I can't think of an appropriate musician rn so you fill in the blank.) Obviously you scream and turn around to see sweaty and slightly gross (but unbelievably attractive) line cook matty leaning on the door into the kitchen with a lazy smirk on his face.

one thing leads to another, and you eventually start chatting and are sitting at a table across from each other when he pulls his cigs out and goes, "you don't mind if I smoke in here right love?" and you get all shy and embarrassed and say "no no it's fine... I've never actually smoked a cigarette before, you know?" and this is just like catnip to him bc GOD you're so innocent and cute. you ask to try one if thats okay but he doesn't want you hurting your pure lungs so says "okay sweetheart how about this, instead of you getting your own one and hurting those pretty lungs, let me shotgun you" he then has to explain what shotgunning is bc you're just that new to everything and he's trying to deny in his mind that it makes you even hotter.

he pats the chair next to him and says, "come and sit here babe, it'll be easier." so you shyly get up and shuffle over whilst matty tries not to obsess over how sweet you smell and how short your skirt is riding up your thighs. "I'm gonna take a drag, and then as I breathe out the smoke, you're going to breathe it in. can you do that sweetheart?" obviously completely enthralled by this hot guy teaching you how to smoke you nod and shuffle closer saying "okay" and matty has to close his eyes and force himself to breathe bc of how soft and innocent you sounded. he takes a drag and grabs the back of your head, and out of instinct you grab the his arm and lean in. as he breathes out, you breathe in with a shy smile on your face. he stops and says, "good job baby, now breathe it into your lungs a little... there you go, good girl, " and if you weren't already coughing and spluttering from trying to inhale, that comment would have made you do it anyway.

you do that a couple more times, and then your phone is vibrating on the table. you look and say "shit it's 11pm already?? my roommate was expecting me home hours ago. oh god I've gotta go" you start grabbing everything and then suddenly freeze. matty notices and is like "love? everything okay?" and you sigh and go "not exactly... I forgot Sam (a fellow waitress idk) was my lift home and I can't walk home at this time. I don't know what to do" and matty being the gentleman he is says "don't worry baby ill give you a lift" you stare at him slightly anxious but so excited at the concept of more time with him in a smaller space and go "really matty?" and he just scoffs and goes "of course love, what kind of bloke would I be leaving a pretty young girl like you stranded huh?"

you get his car and tell him your address, he goes to turn the ignition and the car backfires (idk if that's how it actually works I cannot drive lmao) so obviously you jump and he instinctively puts his hand on your thigh and goes "its okay darling just the car warming up don't worry" you just nod with a red face trying not to overthink the fact that he's touching you and keep a straight face. matty sees right through you so keeps his hand there, takes it off to change gears and puts it right back to see you get re-flustered everytime.

eventually you get to your place and he walks you to your door you say "really thank you again I appreciate it" and he's like "it's okay I'm glad you're home safe" . not wanting to be too creepy, he goes in to kiss your cheek but in some bold confidence boost you turn and kiss him on the lips. he shoots back and looks at you and starts to say "look love i-" but when he looks back at you with your lips slightly parted and they're red and puffy and you're looking up at him with doe eyes he can't help himself so he just goes back in full force groaning and how soft your lips are and how sweet you taste when he licks in your mouth. it gets hot and heavy pretty quick, so out of breath from kissing matty asks "now where did that come from angel? what happened to the pretty little thing who didn't know what shogunning was huh?" and giggling you respond with assured nods and sarcastically say "it must be the cigarettes, you're such a bad influence" and flutter your eyelashes at him. whilst in this strangely confident state you ask, "Do you want to come upstairs?" and matty just smirks and says "not tonight love but come see me in my office tomorrow and we can definitely discuss this more" so you get all shy and say "okay then... I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" and turn to put your key in and he goes "oh you certainly will sweetheart you aren't getting away that easily" which makes you giggle and walk away with slightly more sway in your hips than necessary. you turn back and see him standing there through the lift doors so you do a coy little wave and matty teasingly does the exact same wave back as the doors shut.

I'm SO sorry this got so long and I'm not a writer so ignore all the shit BUT you get my concept

anways going to get a lobotomy now brb

SCREAMING don’t say you’re not a writer that was so good!! also so so funny to receive a full blown blurb into my ask like damn we are switching places here! didn’t even have to write it for the thoughts to exist🥰 felt like i was being serenaded with smut. (and when i do a reverse blurb night where i post prompts and other people send the blurbs in instead🤨)

‘why does greasy, gross and depraved turn me on more’ that is the linecook paradox that is the ultimate question!!!

omg he would 100% drive her home anytime she’s closing Even before they’re ever hooking up. he’s just not letting a young pretty girl like her walk alone at night. also i Love shotgunning in stories (it’s literally in my smut ideas list😭) like damn getting all close and personal with ur lips??🤭 why so sensual

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Halloooo again!! I’m thinking about songs again so here’s another handful of contributions that are mostly Muriel-centric with like one exception lol.

(Also forgive me of some of these songs have already been mentioned😅)

(also, also, future Paper here, I ended up linking a whole bunch of songs here— 8 to be precise. Please don't feel obligated to listen to all of them lol. If you do intend to, go at your own pace, and I'm very very very sorry for the rambling essay I'm about to subject you to)

Imma start with the exception: Six Legs (Tippy Tappy Toes) by Scrawny & Madilyn Mei reminds me of the main six in general and that climb from being small children to who they are at the end of each upright route. Like it’s really audible in that first part of the song with the trumpet. The lines “Now, it remains a dream, a distant memory that itches my brain…” really feels like it holds that sentiment of having a difficult childhood but being able to grow beyond it. And then the trumpet bit—I LOVE THE TRUMPET BIT. Ugh, the confidence the uplifting sound of it, that just screams, "I am here, I am alive, I am strong as I am now because I am happy." hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I swear this song is just so sweet. Idk I often imagine the M6 encountering children who act a lot like, or are in a similar situation to how they were as children, and they reflect on their past struggles which spurs them to take action and help, to be the guiding hand to help them through their hardships and try to do all the things for that child that they wish they had when they were struggling.

For the more Muriel-centric ones now, I can't help but listen to Let's Fall in Love for the Night by FINNEAS and think of Muriel, believing MC to be in love with Asra, despite them constantly coming over to visit him. And he just really likes the company he gets from them so little by little he lets himself grow close, and familiar with them, but he holds himself back from feeling anything deeper than that because "I know better than to ever call you mine"

Ok, ok, I took a quick precursory glance through the youtube playlist made by Tetsuooooooooooo, and I just... I'm astounded to see that no one's recommended AURORA yet??? Her songs scream volumes for each of the M6 I swear. But like for Muriel specifically her songs feel so overwrought with life and greenery, and that dichotomy between what it means to be strong, what it means to be kind, and most importantly what it means to love and be loved. Like, Runaway??? The story of being separated from home and separated from the people who made home a home. The feeling of having "no other place to go" Not to mention how "I kept running for a soft place to fall" captures that tendency of Muriel's to be so avoidant, and to flee into shadows and being forgotten rather than confront anything???

(I'm so sorry this is going to be many more songs than I expected lol)

And then Running With the Wolves, besides the obvious wolf allegory, highlights the darker more violent edge of Muriel from his background as a gladiator that had killed people, and paints it in such pretty and protective melodies and notes. It's the lines "There's blood on your lies/The sky is opened wide" It makes me think of his ties to Lucio, and how it's implied that Lucio lied to Muriel about harming Asra if Muriel didn't comply. A lie which forced Muriel into spilling blood for Lucio.

Also, the Seed feels so interconnected with Muriel's route, specifically the under-utilized element of the heart of the forest, and the sheer rage and agony Muriel must've felt at it's death. Also though, the lyrics "suffocate me, so my tears can be rain, I will water the ground where I stand, so the flowers can grow back again" Just screams at Muriel's quiet self-sacrificing nature. He's willing to put himself into harms way to protect you, but he hates making a big deal about it the way Julian does. It's suffocation. A death of silencing.

Now, not to get to far ahead of myself I'll limit myself to two more songs & mini rants before I end up writing an essay for all of Aurora's songs and how they link to Muriel lol.

Warrior is another song that focuses a little on Muriel as a fighting force, but this song places emphasis on what you're fighting for, as AURORA sings about a "Warrior of Love" the first verse of the song describes a person in tears at the state of the world and the people around them and how they "built a cage to hide in" which I think really reflects Muriel's tendency to be really caring and empathetic to others, but also how he holds himself in Literal chains while hiding from people and his past. The second verse, however, I think actually reflects Lucio of all people, which, dear death I could write an entire essay on the interesting reflectivity between Muriel and Lucio and how you can reflect their parallel redemption/healing arcs in a few choice AURORA songs. (another one of those songs being Winter Bird which I just stumbled on looking through her songs lol)

Anyhow, for the final song, Daydreamer, I think song is more for Asra instead of Muriel. I'm including it because well, I love this song tbh. I think it fits Asra 'cause it has a very float-y vibe to it that also seems very... Grounded somehow? It's AURORA's expression of wanting to use that imagination and tendency towards daydreaming to save the world and save the people around her, which I think reflects Asra's upright route, where they choose to help and protect the people around them that they care about, rather than just skip town again. But like, they still hold onto that feeling and desire of being loose and floaty, or, in a word, magical. And then of course, the last few lyrics, that I really think just sells it for them the lyrics "Nothing can die while we are here," just feels so potent with how Asra seems to defy the death of everyone they care about. Their parents' disappearance was not from death and they were able to return, MC was able to be brought back from death, Julian enters and returns from Death's realm. Nothing can die while we are here.

Ugh. Sorry about this whole mess of stuff lol. It's probably insanely long and is probably awful on mobile ahaha, sorry sorry sorry mobile users. Also I know I said that Aurora has songs that really fit each of the M6 so I'll try to maybe send the rest of the M6 & my arguments for them in a reblog or something lol

Oh, WOW, these all sound so good!! And @paperstarwriters your lyrical analysis is so tied to the plot and characters UGH I feel like I'm plunging back into the world of the arcana all over again! :D

I am definitely putting these on the playlist and the tag! Your hyperlinks all seem to be working too, so I'll leave them be. Thank you so much for these friend!! ^.^

[ryverbind]

Faceless Fixation {Sal Fisher}: Strawberry Lipgloss [8]

"Okay," I tell dad through my sleepy eyes and groggy voice. "I have to make this believable." Dad nods ferociously, eyebrows drawn together curiously. 

"So, excuse me for a moment," I say, holding up a finger and clearing my throat. Then, I scream a good, long, loud, unnecessary scream.

Dad flinches and I can't help but smile when he glares at me, clicking his tongue and undoubtedly disapproving of my unsavory tactics.

I finish my scream and cough a bit. That should be enough, seeing as I've managed to kickstart a scratchy throat.

I fish my phone out of my carry on bag and dial my boss's number. He ends up scowling at my excuse, but I think my coughing and hoarse voice passed his bullshit test. I promised him I'd be heading to the doctor while taking my day off.

My bags were packed and ready to go right before I headed to bed last night. I only left out a change of clothes and my toothbrush and toothpaste for the morning before packing them too. 

I packed my mask as well. I wouldn't be meeting The Faces without it, after all.

A nervous smile pulls at my lips as I think of the intricate purple mask hiding safely in my luggage. I'll be putting it to good use for the first time ever tonight and the reminder sends a rejuvenating pulse through my body.

I'm going to be boarding my flight in about two hours and I'm so excited that I physically and mentally cannot stay still. I'm fantasizing about our meeting, wondering how it'll go.

Larry would probably notice me first and know that I was there. He would jump around like a lunatic and hug me, then try to pick me up with his little lanky self. I'm genuinely looking forward to finally being able to see his long, luscious hair that he's been growing since he was a teenager. 

I haven't seen a photo of Larry since he was eighteen-- he's nearly twenty three now, so I'm sure his hair is incredibly long. He better not have cut it.

Sal will, hopefully, not associate me with a certain Lexi. But would he be kind to me? Would he recognize my voice?

I don't know what to expect of Todd, seeing as he's such a formal guy, but I know Ash is going to know me just by stance alone.

I can't wait to embrace my best friend, feel her warmth and the rush of emotions that'll come with finally being reunited.

I carry these thoughts with me as I tell my dad goodbye, giving him a tight hug and promising to stay safe. I ponder a bit more as I pass through security. I giggle and smile to myself while waiting outside my gate, and I pull out my phone to text Ash just because I can't keep all this excitement to myself as I settle into my seat towards the back of the plane.

All this excitement made the time pass ridiculously fast.

My veins are filled with never-ending adrenaline. My sleep-deprived brain is running on straight expectations and hope. My heart is pumping out optimism and begging for a break, but my mind doesn't let up. We're going to hold onto these positive emotions until we have to go home.

Me hiya ashy!! how's vegas? :P

Ashers <3 Hi baby!!!! Vegas is awesome so far. We're up at the crack ass of dawn  (Larry and Sal hate it but Todd and  I are troopers) for a meeting with some other popular streamers out  here. I think it's some kind of  breakfast meet and greet thing??? Idk. But how are you!!

Me well, not suffering like you guys lmao. just getting ready for an 8 o'clock  shift. the usual.

Ashers <3 Yuck :( make sure you punch your boss for me. He's the whole reason I won't be seeing you!!!

Me no issue there. i've been waiting to lay a good one on him for ages. you're just giving me a good excuse to actually go through with it :3

Ashers <3 That is my job as your bad influence ;)

Me prayer hands to that, babe. wouldn't be where i am today without miss ash's guidance <333

Yes, I know, I should just tell Ash that I'm literally about to take off on a flight headed straight to Las Vegas, but the prospect of surprising her-- seeing the elation and shock on her face-- I can't pass that up. This'll be worth it.

"Would you like something to drink before we take off, ma'am?" 

My head flies up and I meet a flight attendant's smiling gaze. Her lips are a fiery red, her hair meticulously and beautifully fixed into blonde waves flowing down her back.

I gape at her beauty for a moment before smiling politely. "Um, would you happen to have coffee? Or tea?" I ask after a moment, wincing at my own awkward question. I just really need some kind of caffeine. 

"We have both!" she chirps, her sweet voice reminding me of Ash's. I can't help but smile wider at the connection. "Which would you prefer?"

"Coffee, if possible," I say, squeezing my phone a little tighter in my hands.

"Great! Creamer and sugar as well?" 

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you!" I tell her, to which she nods then walks over to the seat in front of me to ask the people ahead the same thing.

I glance down at my phone again just as our pilot announces that we'll be taking off within a few moments. That means I won't be able to talk to Ash for a bit.

Ashers &lt;3 Aww, you're too sweet, my little love. I'll always be here to catch you when you fall :D

Me i would hope so!! i have to go though, so i'll text you in a bit when i get a break, kay?

Ashers &lt;3 Sure thing, sweetness!  Se latrevo <3333

Me ermmmmm i love you too??? if that's what that means?

Ashers &lt;3 It's Greek for "I adore you!!!" 

Me cute <333 se latrevo too (LMAO)

I close my phone with a smile as the wheels of the plane start moving, only gaining speed as we practically fly down the runway. Exhilaration takes over my entire body as I look away from the woman beside me and stare at the fast moving objects outside of the little window.

The plane lifts from the ground and my stomach practically jumps in my body, all my limbs tensing up as I cling to the tray in front of me. That's it, I'm officially unable to go back on my last-minute plans.

It feels a bit refreshing knowing that I have no other option now. For the longest time (all night and all morning), I didn't think I'd actually be able to do it, but here I am. And I'm so proud of myself for this.

With my head held high as my coffee gets placed down beside me, I look around the inside of the airplane, glancing away from people who suddenly meet my gaze. I'm not embarrassed though, I'm on top of the world right now. There isn't a single thing that could turn my mindset around. 

I'm going to finally fucking see my friends!

My eyes travel along the various rows of seats that I can physically see (which isn't all that much) and I'm momentarily blessed by the sight of a little fur baby passing by my row.

I perk up a bit more instantly, smiling as the woman sitting beside me spews out an audible, "Oh my goodness! Look at that baby!"

I watch the exchange between the woman and pet owner, noting the yellow lab who sits right on top of its owners feet, tongue hanging out of its mouth like it doesn't have a care in the world. The little vest around it's body catches my eye and I find myself respecting the lady beside me for not reaching out to pet the sweet baby. It's a medical service dog.

"What's their name?" The woman beside me asks, smiling down at the dog who pants heavily.

"Her name is Yeager," The owner says proudly, giving their dog a little head pat. "She's a cardiac alert dog, so thank you for letting her do her job."

"Oh, no need, honey!" The woman says politely before smiling at little (well, rather large actually) Yeager again. "What a hard-working little thing! She's such a good girl."

Watching the exchange suddenly turns into a horror movie for me, actually, it's a bit more like a nightmare in which I can't wake from. You know, when you're being chased but you physically can't move. That's exactly how I feel-- the freeing feeling of taking flight is replaced by the very obvious realization that I can no longer escape the personal hell that I've stuck myself in.

Fuck. Oh no.

I've really made a terrible mistake. Why couldn't my father have let me cry for a few days?

Is there any possible way for me to get off this plane? I don't care if I lose my life. It's better than landing in Vegas within the next hour. 

We're already over three thousand and something feet in the air and probably traveling over a hundred mph, but maybe I can just... you know... pop open the emergency hatch and launch myself out of it. At least everyone would be able to talk about how I went sky-diving at my funeral. 

The woman and the owner of Yeager continue to chat for a bit while I try to contain my flaming cheeks and wide eyes, pushing down the memory that holds me in a vice grip-- it's like I'm bound in chains, forced to listen to everything all over again.

How could I have forgotten? And worse, why did this woman calling a dog a good girl resurface the fucking memory? I'm losing it. It's official.

I was so preoccupied with not being able to go to Las Vegas that I forgot why I really shouldn't fucking go. And now it's too late.

I completely ignored the lingering memory of one of the most exhilarating nights of my life. 

Yea, I'm an idiot. An unremarkable one, mind you, who was, again, reminded of Sal and I's salacious act simply because a woman uttered the words "good" and "girl" to a dog. The dog isn't my issue because she is, in fact, a good girl. I'm just shocked that I've traveled this low on the pyramid of idiocy and lunacy. 

Sigmund Freud really would have loved me.

I finally decide to just duck my head down and let it rest on my tray, nearly knocking over my fresh, scalding hot coffee. My eyes are still wide as I cross my arms around my head, my cheeks still burning with the rage of 25,000 babies being denied titties. I mean, what better way to explain how betrayed I feel? And not to mention, I'm the damn betrayer. I've betrayed myself. Larry would be proud of that statement, at least.

Sally and I haven't talked about what happened-- nor do I want to talk about what happened (it's unavoidable). We haven't even spoken since he left me hanging like a little bitch when Larry jumped into the voice chat and scared the orgasm out of me. 

Somewhere, somehow, my unconscious brain decided it would be a fantastic idea to have the conversation with Sally in person. Now, I'm forced to do just that. Fucking hell. 

I gulp down my overwhelming feelings. There's no going back now, unfortunately. I'll just have to devise a plan that keeps Sally Face's mouth shut until we're alone (which I pray never happens) or until I'm back home, safe and sound. 

Actually, this might be good for me. Sally, despite his shitty vendetta against me, is actually pretty shy and quiet in person. I doubt he'd be brave enough to say anything out loud, so maybe this will prolong the time I have before having to talk to him about our weird phone sex thing that happened the other night.

I mentally pat myself on the back. Maybe I'm not all that dumb. I, miraculously, have some kind of intellectual influence deep down for me to be this smart about avoiding an unwanted talk with my enemy. Perfect.

Doesn't change the fact that Sally is dangerously hot though, by the way.

Either way, I have to look Sally in the eye later knowing that I heard him beating the crap out of his dick to the thought of me. I'll never forget it, and part of me doesn't want to. It was really good.

And I'll also have to look him in the eye knowing that I completely submitted to him and tried to defy him in the end. And he'll know that too.

The thought makes me shiver and I feel like I might vomit for a moment. Whether I have to talk to Sally or not about what we did, I absolutely have to be near him tonight even if I don't want to. I can't escape his presence any longer.

If I think about my future dilemmas any more, I actually will jump out of this plane and risk everyone else inside of it the second I open this emergency hatch. Which, by the way, said emergency hatch is perfectly placed beside me like it was planned out beforehand that I'd sit in a place where I could make a quick getaway. That's it, death by sky-diving is my destiny.

Fuck this-- not like I can actually go back to twenty minutes ago and step off this plane. My fate is sealed and so is my fucking seat belt.

I huff out a quiet, pitiful sigh and close my eyes, wiggling in my seat to get into a better position. My coffee will go cold, but it's better than stressing over the near future knowing I had no time to prepare. Not to mention, any announcement from the pilot would probably stress me out and make me think I'll die. So a nap will do better than my anxiety will for the next hour.

And my nap turns out to be atrocious. I'm trapped in a cage, Sal's tattooed arms chaining me in. It's almost morbid-- especially since I still took the time to trace every inch of what I could remember about the intricate designs on his skin. I am a mess even when asleep and the messy part of my brain follows me into the waking world when a gentle shake startles me from my stupid ass dream.

I throw my head up, eyes wide as I turn to the woman beside me. She has a gentle smile on her lightly worn features, a couple grey hairs peaking through the dark strands that hang over her shoulder. She has a bag in her hand as she stands and people rush past her.

We've landed.

I take a deep, sleepy breath and smile at the woman. "Thank you," I mumble the raspy words, stretching quickly before standing up. "Didn't realize I slept so long."

"That's alright, sweetie," the woman says comfortingly. At least she's nice-- though, I'd gathered that much from the way she spoke to Yeager earlier. "Just wanted to make sure you got off the flight." She gives me a little nod then turns, walking off of the plane.

I deflate in my seat and watch a wave of jet-lagged people pass through the aisle in front of me, waiting for the crowd to clear up before I start gathering my things. I'm in no rush now, remembering that I'll be seeing Sally Face come nightfall.

But I'll also be seeing Ash, Larry, and Todd...

I lift myself from my seat with a grunt and push past a few people to quickly grab my bag from the compartment above my row of seats. 

After getting off the plane, waiting for my second bag isn't too rough. It takes a good ten minutes for it to finally pop up on a conveyer belt, but I take off to a Starbucks next to the bag pick-up area to grab breakfast, which consists of a bagel, a cake pop, and a peppermint mocha frappuccino because it's my favorite bitch coffee ever.

I travel through the airport, one bag on my shoulder (which holds my breakfast) as I drag my suitcase behind me and glance around with my green straw in my mouth, constantly sipping on my cold coffee that is ten times better than whatever I ordered on the plane, clearly, since I ended up throwing it away anyway.

People whiz past me, disappearing up escalators or squeezing through packed doorways. I don't wish to be anywhere near it, I mean, who would? That's an anxious nightmare, but I know I'll have to subject myself to that torture eventually. I might as well just get it over with now so I can hail a taxi and get to my hotel. Then, I can hide for the rest of the day until tonight.

I push past a few people as I make my way to the doors leading out of the airport. I wish I could get a good look at my surroundings because the airport is ginormous, but I'm too focused on getting out of dodge. I have so many things I want to look forward to and want to avoid all at the same time, but I can't do that until I finally have time to relax in my hotel room.

I manage to panic enough to the point where I disregard anyone ahead of me in line and just grab a taxi toward the back, more than ready to get to my hotel and crash for the next few hours. I don't even want to think about how excited I am to see Larry, Ash, and Todd because the fear of seeing Sally just completely ruins it.

So I get dropped off at a plain Hilton a couple blocks away from the strip at about twelve in the afternoon, check into my room, and drag the remainder of my dignity as well as my heavy bags up a few stories before finally just crashing onto my bed.

I want to cry because I'm starting to wonder if this was a bad idea, but I am in Las Vegas. Dad paid for me to come visit my friends, so I have to do it. I'm sure it'll work out anyway. I doubt it'll turn out too bad, my head is just messing with me like it always does.

But right now, things just suck. The only good thing about my trip at this exact moment is that my bed is insanely comfortable. That's a pretty awesome outcome seeing as I just want to sleep to ignore all of my worries.

My day seems to fly by as though it's been sped up. My plane ride was made quick due to me being so much of a mess, and now my day is gone since I somehow wake up at about six in the evening.

I'm too distressed to put an actual meal in my stomach, so my dinner consists of complimentary cookies that got dropped onto my tray in the airplane. I can't stomach anything more than that. And for the rest of the time, I watch a few reruns of The Office, tucked into the sheets of my bed with the comforter pulled up to my chin.

At some point, I lift my phone that's been laying face down on my bed to see a missed call from Ash, a few texts in the Discord chat, and then I notice that it's fucking 8:30 pm.

On a normal day, I'd use my lateness as an excuse to just not go altogether, but I didn't waste dad's money and I didn't come all the way here to not see my friends.

I can call, well, talk to Ash later. She'll be seeing me soon anyway.

So, I jump out of bed with a frustrated curse slipping past my lips and run into the bathroom beside my bed. It's a small room, not like I need anything big. I'm just one person.

I'll have to be... fashionably late, I suppose. No issues there. I'm sure many people are going to show up late. It's not like it'll end thirty minutes after it begins, right?

I take a quick shower, blow dry my hair, and put on some eyeliner and mascara. I'm not trying to make a statement. If anything, I'm trying to fly under the radar. Hopefully the little bit of makeup conceals me from being recognized. The last thing I want is for Larry or Todd to recognize me as y/n.

After my face and hair are done, I throw on fishnets and tuck a Fall Out Boy shirt into a black skirt that rests on my hips, then I throw on my worn black and white, hightop vans.

It's nothing special. My boi Kieran said to wear whatever, so I am. At least the fishnets add a little fun to the look.

My last little addition is the mask I bought just a few days ago. It feels as though it weighs hundreds of pounds in my two small hands. But not in a bad way-- I just cherish it so much that the weight of its unspoken value almost seems to double as I simply gaze upon it.

With a breath, I situate it onto my face, tucking the straps under my hair.

I pack a few bills into the back of my phone case and check my bank account, making sure I have a bit of money there too in case I need it. Then I finally run out of my room and out of the hotel in general, hailing a taxi who takes me through the city, adding another thirty minutes to my trip because of traffic.

Despite my poor punctuality, I can't help but feel mesmerized by all the tall, lit up buildings swarmed with people. And once the MGM Grand comes into view, I feel nervous with all the people hanging around the entrance like a pond of alligators waiting to feast upon my bones. It's a scary feeling, but hopefully I can squeeze past everyone and find where I need to go.

My taxi stops in the middle of people, right in front of the door. It's worst case scenario-- I have to step out in the middle of a raving crowd. I don't want that, but what else can I do?

I scramble out of the car, swinging around in a panic when the taxi screeches off behind me. I stare at the spot that repopulates with people instantly, all chatting and looking up at the giant, towering building in front of us.

It's hypnotizing, beautiful. I feel dizzy just by staring up at the roof that covers the driveway before I look over to the doors that almost seem to glow. But unfortunately, the moment doesn't last long because I can't see much through the ridiculous amount of bodies in my way.

Las Vegas sucks while I have my feet on the ground. There are way too many people which makes the views hard to enjoy, especially as I find myself fighting through everyone in my way who just wants casino's.

I eventually stagger through the doorway, trying to hold myself back from running over to a desk with a few workers hanging around. Damn, I really want to go back to my hotel. I've had enough of being around people today.

My stomach feels queazy and my limbs tremble a bit as I take quick steps, my presence easily gaining the attention of a lady working behind the counter.

She smiles politely at me, but a curious, almost wary look crosses her gaze as she watches me walk up. She's probably confused by the mask, but I don't have the time or the desire to explain why I'm wearing it.

"Um, hi," I murmur, smiling carefully. "I'm trying to, uh, get to the roof. For the party." The words are almost too quiet, so I force myself to speak louder despite the tremor tainting my voice. 

"Oh," the woman says sweetly, still eyeing me carefully. "I need to see your invite, then." She's kind, but something about her forced expression tells me she fucking hates her job.

I pull my phone from the waistband of my skirt and open up my email to get to the invite before passing the device to her. I watch as her eyes scan over my phone and she purses her lips before handing it back to me. 

She looks down, grabbing a clipboard. "Name?" she asks.

Yikes. I mean, it wouldn't be my actual name right? Kieran doesn't know me-- he only knows Vi.

"Um, VioletViolence," I whisper, cracking my knuckles and trying to keep my feet still. I don't need to scuff up this nice floor.

The woman's eyes narrow as she drags her eyes over the paper, flipping it to another sheet before her eyes widen a bit, "Aha!" she exclaims, like she's proud of herself. "Here you are. I'll give you a passcode for the top floor, you have to put it in as soon as you get into the elevator. After that, you're good to go!"

She cheered up a lot. I guess it helped to find out that I'm not some random crazy person.

"Oh, okay. Thanks," I smile cautiously.

Turns out, the passcode to the roof is 1989, just like the Taylor Swift album. That'll be easy to remember.

I punch the code into the elevator nervously, watching as a little green light envelops the button for the roof. Then, I travel slowly upwards for what feels like five full minutes until the doors finally open up to a party that practically smacks me in the face.

I look through the crowd, my heart beating wildly while a mix of electronic and rock music pulses in the air around me. People take up almost every inch of space on this rooftop. At some point, I note the LED lighted (and probably heated) pool crowded with randoms.

My eyes wander every which way in awe. I've never been to Vegas in my life, but the view is so much more than I expected now that I'm able to actually get a good look at it. Everything is exceptionally tall, super modernized and lavish, and lit up with a plethora of colored lights. Actually, I can see The Venetian from here.

I make my way to the edge of the rooftop, squeezing past people to get a good glimpse of the lights, buildings and moving life below me. 

This moment feels so surreal. I'm surrounded by people I don't know, just like I have been all damn day, looking for my four-- three-- friends who aren't even expecting me. Right here, in this moment, I'm alone in one of America's busiest and most well-know cities.

I have so many fucking options. Hell, if I really wanted to, I could jump from this roof to the balcony below and get cheered on. Everything-- anything-- goes in Las Vegas.

The area is fun, but the situation is dangerous. I'm feeling risky. It's a stark contrast to how nervous I was moments ago, but seeing all of Las Vegas from up here has brought me back to life in a way.

To my left is a pool side bar, though, which will ultimately help me in the long run. If I want to pursue my risky thoughts that I'm too afraid to act on when sober, then alcohol is a good start.

I push through bodies again, holding onto one half of my mask in fear. I think I'd call it quits on life if I get pushed around so much that it falls off. Genuinely, I'd just pack up and leave.

Out of everything though, that's my only true fear at the moment, even with the lingering reminder that I'll have to find The Faces soon. I have, well, used to have horrible social anxiety, and yet here I am in one of the most social situations I've even laid my eyes on in years.

Here, I actually have to converse with people unlike whenever I was in the airport and getting into this casino/hotel--whatever it is. This right here is something to feel good about.

I'm proud of myself.

I weave past another person and slap a hand onto the bar counter, hanging on for dear life when a few people shove past me and nearly take me with them. Wincing, I make awkward eye contact with the bartender who just stares at me. 

Yea, asshole. Could have helped.

"Whatcha got?" The bartender asks, filling up multiple glasses. I know he's busy. There are people in every free spot around the bar. What a fucking party, right?

"Um, can I get a screwdriver, I guess?" I yell to him, trying to make sure he can hear me over the music. 

He nods once, grabbing another glass. "$15."

My eyes practically shoot out of my head and I feel like I'll choke on the way I'm being strangled with my pretty much empty bank account. "Is that a joke?" I cough out, watching as he fills the glass up with the equivalent to three shots.

The bartender shoots me a frustrated look that immediately tells me he isn't kidding.

He puts a splash of orange juice into what I would consider straight fucking alcohol then scoots it over to me.

I wince, giving my glass a little twirl in hopes to give myself some clarity and not straight vodka towards the bottom of the glass. Then, I pull a $20 from the back of my phone case and pass it to him. "Keep the change," I murmur, plucking a straw from a styrofoam cup then returning to my task of attempting to find The Faces.

Honestly, finding the group in a sea of people like this is probably impossible. There are just so many bodies and not enough consideration for the poor souls (me) trying to find their way around. 

I can just barely make out an unoccupied stage. There's a microphone set up on it and speakers towards the back. It's right on the edge of the large rooftop, so maybe I'll be able to find some space there and catch a breath before I keep looking.

And of course, I could make this easier for myself and just call Ash. I could make this entire search simpler for everyone by letting her know that I have shown up. Who wouldn't do that?

But I'm scared. I love Ash more than anything and she's my best friend, but I also haven't seen her, Larry, or Todd in over ten years. The thought of physically reconnecting after so long worries me. Talking online is easy compared to actually being there, in person, flesh and all, for the thought process of every single question and answer. What if we all are too awkward and don't know how to physically speak to each other?

It's an anxious worry that makes me shiver as I break through the end of the thick crowd.

Suddenly though, I don't have any time left to worry again like I've been doing all day.

I should have known that Sally Face would be as close as he could possibly be to music. Thus, there he is, standing in front of the stage with his back leaned against the edge. And where he goes, the rest of the group goes.

All the air leaves my lungs all at once. My feet are cemented to the ground and my free hand bunches into the fabric of my black skirt.

They stand in a row-- Sally, Ash, Larry, then Todd.

Sally Face is the shortest one in the group. I never would have suspected it just by meeting him once. I mean, he isn't exactly short. I'd say he must be between five foot eight and five foot ten. That's a decent height. But Ash is a head taller than him-- that alone shocks me into stillness. And Larry is even taller than Ash. Then Todd is about Ash's height.

As always, Sally looks delectable. Just looking at him once fills me with memories of his sultry, dirty words and the feeling of his skin beneath my fingertips. What a dangerously frustrating man.

He's wearing a tan, almost sandy colored, Memphis May Fire shirt paired with black jeans and classic vans. The neutral colors clash wildly against the bright, slap-you-in-the-face color of his hair alongside his expressionless prosthetic, but I'm into it. He looks so fucking good and I can see the tattoos on his arms so well.

How I ache to run my hands over every inch of ink covering his skin. To see him flinch beneath my touch again. To read his story depicted in images that stain his body. It's a deep yearning that fills me with a feeling akin to rage-- it's just as euphoric, adrenaline-inducing, and deteriorating as rage is to me. 

My eyes rake over him inch by inch, dragging up and down slowly until I've memorized each curve, crevice, freckle, scar, and every other little thing easy to miss regarding his physical body.

I wish I could see more of him. I want nothing more than to peel that prosthetic off of his face and get a look at the beauty he hides so desperately. I just know deep in my soul that he's pretty. There's no way a handsome asshole like him wouldn't have a pretty face.

His electric blue eyes rake across the area in front of him, but he thankfully never looks at me. It gives me an open opportunity to ogle him from afar. 

I trail my eyes from his bruised fingertips, all over his ink-stained forearms while I meticulously map out each twist and turn of the veins that lead up to his lightly bulging biceps. Then, I follow the curves of his lightly scarred neck. 

Somehow, the in-person image of his pretty throat is better than the photo Larry sent me. That shattered sword tattoo glints under the lights, a result of the thin sheen of sweat on his skin. It brings out the barely noticeable differences in the color of his skin-- his scars. They're lining the underside of his jaw and just a bit on the left side of his neck. I wish I could bite into his skin.

His messy hair and fringe cover the top and sides of his prosthetic, but I'm still able to get a good look at the dips and curves of every inch of it. I'm even able to see the top corner of his prosthetic that's pink instead of white. I wonder why that is.

But even if they aren't real, I can't help but stare at his prosthetic lips. Someday, I'll get to feel his real lips behind the barrier between me and his face.

I try to shake off the simp side of my brain, shocked at my own thoughts. Why am I so eager just over one look at him? Am I that bad off right now? This is an issue.

Sally Face is dangerous.

He has this confident, god-like aura about him that drips with the equivalent to gold-- if there was a color to describe the way he acts, it would be gold. It's in his stance, in his sharp and hypnotizing gaze, in the way he curls his fingers towards himself in a gesture as Ash watches him-- they're likely talking. 

Sally face is tantalizing in every aspect of who he is. Personality, looks, vibes. I want my fingers in his cerulean hair so I can ruffle up the soft looking, layered waves. I want to drag my fingertips down the few scars littering his neck. I want to shatter that sword on his throat a little more, see how much deeper he can break. I want his pale skin between my teeth, and I want his gaze on me. 

But these are silly thoughts. I can't embrace or act on them. Especially not right now.

I turn my gaze to Ash, the reincarnated Aphrodite dripping in modern eloquence. When imagining the most beautiful woman to walk the earth, I'd think of her over and over again. I feel that anyone else would, too. 

Ash's hair has grown since her major cut about a year ago, it's just hanging over her shoulders, brushing her upper back. It's the color of silky chocolate, flowing smoothly and elegantly as though she'd spent hours preparing it. And hell, maybe she did spend a while fixing it up. But the point is that she makes effort look effortless. 

The model-like air about her is swathed in a kind-hearted and welcoming feeling that comes just from seeing her do something as simple as smile. Ash is completely one of a kind, an alien in a realm where beauty is misguided and thought to be something else entirely. She's too breathtaking to be walking within ten feet of me. She's too good for this universe she's been sent to.

Ash is wearing a maroon colored dress that hugs her curves in every perfect place possible. There's a slit going up the right side of the dress-- her thigh squeezes against the fabric, more than likely attracting every person's attention within a three-mile radius. She's simply and utterly a sight to behold.

Not like she needs makeup, but even the little bit that she's wearing on her celestially stunning face compliments her dress, her personality, and her overall aura perfectly. Just a little bit of a dark brown shade on her eyelids, accentuating the glowing color of her viridian irises as she, oh shit, makes eye contact with me. But it's only for a moment before she... looks away again? 

Anyway, her pearly white teeth are on display when Sally nudges her, pointing off into another direction. Each of her features lifts with the action and makes her look even more otherworldly. She's something else entirely.

I continue dragging my eyes along the entire group, passing my gaze over Larry now who absolutely blows my mind. In fact, I can't quite believe that it's the same scrawny, metal-loving, long-haired, emo teenager I last saw a photo of just two years ago. 

Larry is ripped in every meaning and centimeter of the word. He used to be an awkward, lanky guy-- but now, his biceps seem like they're hardly able to fit into his plain black t-shirt, even his chest is squeezing against the fabric. Veins protrude over the inside of his forearms-- a tidbit I notice when he gestures over to Ash to mention something. 

Small tattoos litter various areas of his tanned arms, little crosses or x's, I even see a My Chemical Romance and Sanity's Fall tattoo on him. The ink is a beautiful complement to his honey-colored skin. He's incredibly handsome, I'll give him that. Even in just a plain shirt, black jeans, and red converse-- he's killing the look and making it something unique to him. Actually, I'll bet he wore that shirt because it looks best on him. 

I trail my eyes up his sculpted neck and to his striking, chiseled face that seems to have matured quite a bit in the past couple years. His eyes are a mesmerizing and dominant shape that beautifully accompanies his dark brown eyes that seem to mimic the shade of black coffee with just a splash of creamer. His angular cheekbones and jawline make him seem like a fully functioning Roman sculpture come to life. And more than anything, I'm so excited to see that the cute gap between his front teeth is still present when he flashes a hypnotizing smile to his left while running a tattooed hand through his hair.

Larry's septum is pierced, a new addition to his look that I didn't hear of. While a minimal difference, it gives him a boost in the 'attractive guy' department. He looks so different, but so familiar. All in all, he looks just as lickable as Sal does, only he's one of my best friends and I absolutely refuse to pursue anything that could break the bond I have with him.

I finally turn to Todd, a fleshed out man who's incredibly elegant in his own right. He's drool-worthy in a contrasting way compared to the rest of the group-- he's the embodiment of an academia professor and he's absolutely killing the look.

Todd's face is cherubic, angelic even but still handsome in a way that seems to make him shine in the dark of the night. The curves of his face are visible, but not sharp and cut-throat like Larry's features are, for example. Little light freckles paint the bridge of his nose and the apples of his cheeks, bringing out the inebriating color of his nearly colorless, inky eyes. Thin lips and a light brush of facial hair on his chin really brings his pretty features together to make him look even more attractive, especially under the moonlight and LEDs. 

His curly, red hair is styled in a side part, a singular curl hanging over his forehead in a way that fills me with an urge to push the hair into place with the rest. And perhaps he styled his hair like that on purpose, to make everyone yearn to touch him. 

He's dressed in black trousers that are perfectly ironed, a white, button-up dress shirt, and a dark grey blazer that could almost be considered some type of trench coat if not for the style. Then, a pair of shiny black dress shoes.

Todd pulls off the look wonderfully, and never in my life did I imagine I would ever see him sporting dark colors, but the neutral and darker shades look amazing on him. Compared to the monotonous, bright-colored boy I knew as a child, Todd has matured into what he was always meant to be. And fuck, Neil is a lucky guy.

All of my friends are so hot that they are too hot for me. How could I possibly walk up to the equivalent to famous paintings and sculptures? I mean, they're so perfect that I feel as though I need to do a double-take because I can't wrap my head around the fact that they're real. How can anyone be so absolutely gorgeous? Not to mention, four of them standing side-by-side in the same exact place at the same time. And the slim chances that they all became best friends just tops it off and I feel burning jealousy over the thought of it.

I'm not jealous over their friendship or their looks, just that they seem so happy. Joy and true contentment is a feeling I've chased all my life, but never quite gotten close enough to grasp. To know that my full potential with happiness is out of reach, but they're bathing in the feeling... it makes me feel even farther from getting to embrace positivity.

But maybe this is a sign. Maybe they are my opportunity to drown in the throes of joy. Maybe they're meant to be my happiness-- my contentment personified, depicted in the form of actual physical, human beings.

Could be. I've never looked for parts of myself in others because I've always felt that my own emotions are something I have to achieve on my own.

Maybe I've been looking at everything all wrong. Maybe... maybe my morals are outlandish and out of place to the point that I've been depriving myself of real chances to feel something.

I know this-- I literally see an open opportunity to pursue one of my biggest dreams right in front of me, and yet I'm still unable to move my feet. I can't make myself finally meet what I've always wanted.

I can't even tell my friends hello.

This is pissing me off. Why can't I fucking move? I flew out last minute and have spent hours waiting alone to surprise my friends, but I'm too cowardly to actually spend time with them? Absolutely pathetic. I'm disappointed in myself and I'm tired of feeling that way.

I pat a hand around the top of my drink until I grab onto my straw. I pull it into my mouth and gulp down liquid fire as I let my eyes continue wandering over The Faces repeatedly. Yea, I probably look like a creep but I won't be able to walk up to them unless I have something to boost my confidence. As far as I'm concerned, alcohol is the only confidence I have. And if I look away from the group, I could lose them. I don't want to trek through this minefield to find them again.

It takes me a moment to trick myself into thinking that the alcohol will take effect immediately, but my legs finally move. I feel like I'm floating-- and way too fast at that-- as I grow closer and closer to the group, looking to Ash like a lifeline. 

Out of everyone here, I'm closest with her and I'm begging, praying with just my eyes that she looks over and recognizes me and helps me grow accustomed to finally being around again.

More importantly, I hope no one is awkward with me. I think I'll just turn around and catch a plane back home if shit flops.

I get close enough to the point that Ash turns to me with a mix of curiosity and concern dancing in her eyes. I feel self-conscious beneath her gaze, but the look in her eyes slowly turns into something interesting and I find myself shrinking a bit as I stop my pursuit just two feet away from her.

My vans scuff the ground when I stop and I tilt my head up to look into her enthralling green eyes. My heart pounds wildly against my ribcage and my palms grow clammy all the while Ash simply grins down at me. Her irises twinkle, an intrigued look passing through her gaze.

"Hi," her soft, melodic voice purrs. "Nice to meet you."

Oh.

I'm thrown off by the fact that she can't recognize me, but when the mask is taken into account as well as the fact that she hasn't seen a photo of me since I was sixteen, it's understandable.

Not only that, I'm preoccupied on the thought that it seems she may be trying to flirt with me.

"Hi," I greet back, fighting off any possible signs of nervousness. I'll murder my anxiety if I can't play off my fear right now. One thing's for sure though, I don't have to worry about any awkwardness. "We've met before," I add in, giggling a bit.

I shock myself when the sound comes out a bit seductive. I don't mean to flirt back-- but what's the problem with that? Ash is my best friend for one, we flirt all the time, but she's also fucking stunning. I see no problems.

Ash tilts her head, scrunching her eyebrows as she flashes her perfect smile at me. Her eyes trail over my body and I instantly feel myself stiffen, heat washing over my cheeks. Her reaction to me is real-- this isn't us acting friendly because we know each other. This is Ash rizzing up a stranger.

"Really? I think I'd remember you if we've already met," she says with a soft laugh, chewing on her bottom lip as our eyes meet again. "When did you see me?"

I suck in a breath, trying to calm my fluttering heart and hot cheeks. "Instead of telling you," I say randomly without any thought, "How about we play a game? The group of you can try and guess who I am." Smiling, I glance over at Larry who's smirking down at me, his sharp eyebrows and deep gaze forcing that blush back to my cheeks.

Todd watches me, expressionless with his hands in the pockets of his neat pants. He doesn't move an inch. 

And I don't dare look at Sally who's been quiet too.

Ash narrows her eyes, pinching her lips together to contain a smile. She glances to Sally then over to Larry and Todd before focusing on me again. "Okay," she hums. "I love games."

I flinch back when she gravitates a bit closer to me, her gaze flickering over my mask then to my lips. Is this the same Ash who screamed in excitement over everything when I was younger? And scarier, I find my heart racing because her interest in me is exciting.

Two can play at this dangerous game.

I take another leisure sip of my drink, bringing it to my mouth with shaky hands as I turn my gaze to Ash's glossy lips. 

Her top lip is a bit bigger than her bottom lip. She has a soft cupid's bow accentuated by highlighter that was purposefully and meticulously placed there. Her lips look soft, plush. Maybe it's just the glitter or the way the lights reflect off her lipgloss. Either way, I'm sure she'd be fun to kiss.

What the fuck am I doing?

Ash leaves my field of vision almost immediately. I look up, noting that she's sat on the edge of the stage with a smirk on her hypnotizing lips like she knows she has me wrapped around her finger.

"So, Mystery Girl," she says, a seductive lilt to her sing-song voice. "Can you give me a little hint to start?"

I glance over, making eye contact with a concerned Sally Face. One of his elbows is propped on the stage behind him and the other is languidly resting on Ash's thigh. 

He watches me carefully, no doubt sizing me up. I've noticed that he finds threats to his group then carefully assesses them. The fact that I'm saying I know Ash probably raised alarm bells in his head.

I look over to Larry next, watching as he raises his eyebrows and turns his back to me, leaning his elbows on the stage as he watches Ash's side profile. He has a really nice, strong back, by the way. Also, I'd love to braid his hair one day.

Todd stays in his same position, he even rolls his eyes when Ash tilts her head at me, waiting for me to give her an answer.

But what kind of hint could I give her? Almost anything I'd say would make her figure me out immediately. I'm really having to think hard about this because everything that comes to mind is something she knows.

I'll have to be careful about this. I have to give her a hint of a hint. Something she may have a memory about, but doesn't know for sure.

I bring my straw to my lips, sipping until I get closer to the bottom. Straight fucking vodka. Damn that bartender.

"Sorry, I'm thinking of a hint. I don't want to give myself away," I muse, throwing a wink at Ash. She immediately grins. "That would take the fun out of the game, wouldn't it?"

Ash giggles cutely as Larry turns around again, watching me with narrowed eyes and a ghost of a smile on his lips. What is that hunk of hotness thinking? I already know what's going through Sal's head-- but is Larry on his level?

"You're right. Take your time," Ash says in her soft, lulling voice.

I pull my bottom lip into my mouth, still thinking as hard as I can. I'm coming up with blanks. I need to pull a rabbit out of a hat, but I'm going to have to stall until I get there.

"Want to hug me and see if it feels familiar?" I ask, narrowing my eyes and opening my arms. My hand tightens around my drink as it slowly slides through my fingers.

Ash's eyes widen slightly and she stands again, her feet tapping the ground once she slides off the stage. She looks off to the side and purses her lips, taking just a step toward me. "Can I kiss you instead and see if that feels familiar?"

My breath catches in my throat and the drink in my hand feels even more slippery as I try to jump over this shock hurdle. I need to get myself together and answer her instead of actually going with this insane proposition she's dropped on me like a weight. 

"We aren't familiar in that way, darling," I giggle lightly, letting my arms fall to my side.

Ash shrugs, a guilty grin pulling at her lips. "And? We can just do it anyway."

A deep, amused cackle makes me look past Ash and to Larry who has a hand over his mouth. "Sorry, couldn't hold back the laughs," he snickers. His sharp eyebrows arch further as he raises them at me. "You're in danger, MG."

"That's comforting," I say, laughing at Larry's failed attempt to hide his reaction to me and Ash's flirting. He's an evil little thing and clearly he chases a tense situation to get some laughs. "Maybe Ash is the one in danger."

My eyes cut over to Ash as she takes another step toward me. "Please let me find out if I'm in danger, I promise you won't regret it." She bends her knees just a bit for a moment, clasping her hands together with a mind-swaying look in her eyes. She's begging without words.

I glance at Sally quickly. He's still quiet, but he looks like he's on guard and intrigued at the same time.

Fuck, how do I get out of this. Todd's even standing up straight, watching us with a disgruntled look and curiosity in his eyes. They're expecting me to give in and I'm not entirely sure if I want to say no in the first place. Which is bad. 

I don't have any feelings other than platonic love for Ash, but I've missed her so much that I genuinely would love to kiss her senseless. It's like reconnecting with the other half of my heart for the first time in years-- which, honestly, that's exactly what this is.

"Do you care who I am, Ash?" I ask, tilting my head questioningly. If we're going to kiss, I want to make sure she isn't going to lose her entire head once she finds out who I am. 

"Yes, I want to know who you are. In regards to a kiss, I don't care who you are. When I find out, I'll probably be happy we kissed." She sends me a sweet little smile then licks her bottom lip.

"Okay. Then my only condition is that we are only friends and you have to remember that. Nothing will come of our kiss." I dip my head down a bit, trying to show that I'm being serious.

"If nothing will come of our kiss, then why are we going to do it?" She asks, starting to take quick steps toward me.

I take one step back, just to slow her down until we can finish this conversation. "We're going to do it because you're beautiful and I've missed you so much that I wouldn't be happy with anything less than a kiss."

Ash huffs out a laugh, growing close enough to take my hands into hers and yank me toward her. She towers over me and I have to tilt my head up to get a good view of her. "You must know me well then," she purrs, her expression filled with curiosity and eagerness. She's reckless. It's fun. "Are you ready?"

"I... think so?" I murmur, quickly licking my lips. Ash's cool hand trails up my arm and then to the base of my neck, pulling me closer to her. 

"If you don't want to, say no," Ash says honestly, leaning down so that we're face-to-face. She looks into my eyes, trying to tell me that it's okay to say no. She won't go through with this if I don't want to.

"I-- I want to, I'm just nervous--"

"Don't be nervous. It'll be quick." Ash's serious expression washes away as she glances at my lips then back to my eyes again, pretty smile enveloping her lips again. 

I nod, my heart thumping wildly against my chest as she leans forward. I grab onto Ash's wrist as her other hand gently brushes over my cheek.

And then her lips are on mine. She's still for a moment and so am I, just squeezing my eyes shut as I try to adjust to the feeling of her lips.

They're softer than I expected them to be, but sticky. And for that reason, I grip onto her wrist tighter because it feels like she's stuck to me and I'm not upset about it.

Ash takes my squeeze as a sign, tilting her head a bit. The movement causes her lips to slide perfectly against mine and butterflies flutter to life in my stomach. 

I kiss her back, enjoying the way Ash's lips mold to mine so deliciously. The feeling is addictive and if it weren't for her sudden intake of breath, I'd probably pull her even closer. But her reaction reminds me that we're in public and that this is just a little test.

Ash pulls away just as quickly as she kissed me. She was right-- it was quick. And I actually thoroughly enjoyed it.

My eyes flutter open and I look up. Ash's hands are still on either side of my face, but she watches me with a tilted head and narrowed eyes-- like she's trying to figure me out. Like... the kiss actually gave her a clue, which would make no sense.

Then, she leans forward and slams her lips on mine for just a second. I shake my head once she pulls away and look up at her with a puzzled expression that I just can't control. What the fuck.

"Is your name Victoria?" Ash turns her head to the side, eyes wide and brows furrowed like even she's confused.

I choke on air over the near accuracy. What the fuck kind of succubus is Ash? How on earth did a kiss give her the first two letters of my nickname? Is this some joke? Does she already know?

"No, my name isn't Victoria," I force out through coughs, wheezing as I blink through my tears.

Ash lets me go, putting a hand on her hip and another on her chin like a real Sherlock Holmes.

I glance over at the boys quickly. Larry has wide eyes and a shit-eating grin on his face. Sally's looking away from us with his hands resting between his legs. He isn't slick. Todd is just shaking his head.

Men.

"Well, who the hell are you?" Ash murmurs to herself. 

An audible, obnoxious sigh pulls my attention away from the viridian-eyed beauty again and I look over to Sally who hops off the stage and turns away from us quickly. "I'll be back," he murmurs with shaky breaths. "I'm going get a drink."

Larry snorts. "You lying bastard," he says, patting Sal's back. "You're just as gozzled as me right now."

Sally groans, walking away from Larry without a word. And Larry turns toward him, raising his arms. "What!?" he yells a bit louder as Sally disappears through the crowd. "I'm not wrong!"

"You kiss just like Victoria did," Ash suddenly says, pointing an accusing finger at me. She's gone from playful to serious in just a matter of minutes.

A laugh falls from my lips and my tense stance slackens a bit. "Oh, thank God." I twirl my drink again and shake my head. "I thought you just manifested that name from a kiss. I was freaked."

"Were you?" Ash narrows her eyes and takes a step toward me again. I find that deja vu feeling tickling the back of my brain. 

I swallow thickly, never answering as I look over to Larry with pleading eyes. He only shakes his head, flicking me off with a devious and beaming smile. No fucking help.

"So, was I close with the name then? Because why else would you be nervous." Ash pries, chewing on the inside of her cheek in thought. "Actually, what are you doing here? Why wouldn't you just tell us who you are? Are you someone that we don't like?"

My mouth gapes open like a fish, opening and closing while I fight for an answer. My mouth feels dry and my hands are clammy again. "N-No. You guys like me. You've never had any issues with me, well, Sally doesn't like me but other than that we've all gotten along very well. Incredibly well, in fact!" I hold my hands out in front of me just as Ash stops walking toward me. "You guys love me, well, I hope. Actually, I don't really know. Maybe you all hate my guts, I wouldn't be able to tell."

Ash looks confused, like she's trying to grasp onto what I just spewed at her. My answer didn't convince her, it just fucking confuzzled her.

"I can't believe it." I turn my head when Todd talks for the first time. He doesn't have that borderline angry look on his face anymore. In fact, his eyes are a bit wide and he isn't frowning. I'd say this is his excited face. "You're Vi."

I don't know what to say as my mouth falls open again. I just stare at Todd and that seems to confirm it for him, so I shut my mouth and swallow through the dryness on my tongue. My throat burns and it feels like my heart's dropped out of my ass. I expected everyone to be stuck for hours, not for fucking Todd to sniff me out in just five minutes.

Larry suddenly scrambles into a standing position, his expression the first one I've seen tonight that isn't smiling. His lips are parted and his eyebrows are bunched together like someone just told him Dolly Parton died.

I pull my eyes away from the two men and look up at Ash, noting her slackened expression. Then, suddenly, she's become the same person I see on videos and talk to over the phone. The same best friend that I joke and bicker with. 

In her soft, surprised, high-pitched voice, Ash asks, "Is that really you, Vi?"

There are tears on her waterline, but then there's hope in her eyes. Hope in the way she takes a stumbled step toward me with her hands clutched to her chest like she doesn't know what to do with them.

And I can't tell her I'm not Vi. She looks so torn up in the best way and it would tear me up too if I wasn't honest with her.

"Yea," I rasp out. "It's me, Ash."

Ash turns into a blur as I'm lifted from my feet with immense screams of joy filling my ears. Ash throws me around like a dog's chew toy and bellows so many indecipherable things that I'm taken aback for a moment, but overall relishing in the joy that seeps from her and into me.

"You told me you weren't fucking coming, Vi, what the fuck!? And it's been like ten years! Where the fuck? How-- What-- Where did you come from? How did you get here!?" Ash shrieks into my ear, a sob or two getting twisted into her words.

I chew on my lips, finally wrapping my arms around Ash's neck as she continues to throw me around like I weigh nothing. Hell, she has some upper body strength.

Tears start to sting my eyes as all of my senses are filled. I can smell Ash's coconut scented shampoo, I can taste her strawberry lipgloss mixed with my tears, I can hear her screams mixed with the music around us, I can feel each strand of soft hair and her heart beating wildly against my chest, and I can see Larry and Todd's excited and shocked expression every time Ash swings me toward them again.

"I know. But it doesn't matter because I made it here," I laugh through trembling lips. I sniff when the sound of my own voice hits my ears. Fuck, just hearing that I'm hardly holding it together makes me want to break.

"You're so fucking right. Oh my gosh," Ash cries, finally dropping me to my feet but never unwrapping her arms from my waist.

She squeezes me tightly, then abruptly pulls away, holding me at arms length with mascara bleeding down her red cheeks. "Holy fuck, Vi. You let me kiss you!?" She looks absolutely bamboozled, like she truly can't wrap her head around the fact that our lips touched.

"Uh," I spit out, still reeling from being twirled around like a bug stuck on a carousel. "Yea. We kissed. I told you my conditions. What, do you regret it now?" I narrow my eyes playfully.

Ash slaps a hand to her chest like she's appalled. "What? Hell no, I could never regret it! I just can't believe we fucking kissed!?"

"I can't believe you guys kissed and haven't fucking included me yet. Your turn is over, Ash!" Arms wrap around my middle and I find myself being throw around like a test dummy yet again. This time, the perpetrator is Larry. "I can't fucking believe you're here!" he bellows.

"This entire night is full of you guys being non-believers!" I yell once my feet touch the ground again. Larry spins me around to face him and I feel like I'm going to cry again just over the big smile of excitement on his face. "You guys better start believing because I'm here in the flesh."

Larry bends over to reach me, wrapping me up in a big, strong hug. And, oh yea, I take the opportunity to drag my hands up his muscular arms as I hug him back.

"Stop feeling me up, Vi. Your kiss with Ash was hot enough," Larry laughs into my hair, giving me a squeeze.

I can't help but laugh and quickly wrap my arms around his neck. "I'm so sorry, I couldn't stop myself. I never imagined you'd be so jacked."

"Ha, yea, I honestly didn't see it in my future either, but here we are," he murmurs before pulling away. He looks down at me, tears fucking brimming his eyes too. "Fuck, dude. I might cry. You're such an awesome chick," he says breathily, pretending to wipe tears from his cheeks.

I pinch my lips together and give him my best unimpressed look. "Come on, we're supposed to be strong. No more crying," I tell him.

"Maybe the tears will go away if I get a kiss too.." Larry rolls his eyes very obnoxiously. His gaze cuts to me then he immediately looks away again, being as playful as always.

I sigh, grabbing onto his cheeks. "Come here, jackass," I say, growing excited as I pull him close to me.

Larry murmurs out a "fuck yea" before I quickly press my lips to his. It's a little kiss, shorter than me and Ash's but I was just as eager to do it since I haven't seen him in so long.

When I pull away, Larry scrunches his face up and splutters, wiping at his mouth. "Dammit, Ash," he says, fake gagging. "Why'd you have to kiss Vi first with that stupid lipgloss? That shit is disgusting."

"Hey!" Ash scoffs, walking toward us. "Don't hate on my very expensive, very amazing lipgloss! And besides, Vi seemed to like it well enough."

I scoot my way out of their argument and tiptoe my way to Todd who greets me with a soft smile. I smile back at him and he opens his arms to me immediately. 

My insides jump around in excitement as I jump into Todd's hug, scrunching the fabric of his blazer in my hands. "It's so nice to see you, Todd," I murmur into his shoulder. He smells like cedar trees. 

"It's nice to see you, too, Vi. Sorry I figured you out so quickly," he laughs softly, giving me a squeeze before separating from our embrace. He puts his hands into his pockets then switches his weight to his other foot. 

"It's no issue," I say, waving him off. "I'm really happy actually. I wouldn't have been able to say it myself."

He scoffs lightly, patting my shoulder. "Clearly. Grow a backbone, huh?"

I can't help but giggle as I pat his elbow in return. Todd watches me with a soft look, like he's genuinely happy to see me and that thought feels me with even more joy. Everyone's happy to see me.

Well... almost everyone.

"Vi, what the fuck are we going to do about Sal?" Ash suddenly hisses worriedly, her hands clamping onto my shoulders as she shoves her face next to mine from behind. "He's going to be so pissed!"

"It's alright," I breathe, squeezing my eyes shut as I remember that I still have some true bullshit to handle. "I'm cool," I settle on then turn my head, looking Ash in her pretty green eyes. "I've got this."

________________

A/N::::::: holy shit HI WE'RE DOING CRAZY STUFF

this was supposed to be two chapters. Yep. Somehow, these 11,347 words got fused into one even though they were meant to be separate. I couldn't leave you guys hanging again though, so here we are &lt;3

thank you so much for the continued support. I love you all so much! have a wonderful day/evening/night. tons of kisses!! <333

P.S. I AM EXHAUSTED I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS CHAPTER FOR TWO FUCKING WEEKS

[red-goat]

Idk “Why does it sound like you’re saying goodbye?” If it is not too late

*puts on angst writter glasses* This is for my coffee shop AU cuz I still have brain rot. TW: Separation anxiety

...

You fiddle with your fingers as you observe them loading the truck. Bag after bag of coffee beans make the truck's level lower a little. You stand on the alley's door trying your best to hide your pout, altho you're pretty sure they've already noticed since they keep reassuring you they'll be back by nightime, still you feel too uneasy to let go. The weather is still pretty humid, it has been raining nonstop latetly and you can't help it but feel a little hopeless as they finish loading the back of the truck.

"B-but why do both of you have to go? C-can't one of you stay here... with me?" Anxiety is an ugly monster and you know too well for your own good. That gut wretching feeling in your stomach which burns and cuts your peace of mind with paranoia and cruel whispers at the back of your mind.

"Oh don't worry! We've already told you, you don't have to open the shop for the day if you don't want to, ok? I don't want you to stress yourself so unesessarely, not good at all. Besides, we both have to be there to sign the paperwork, that's what bussines partners are all about!" Moon hands you over the keys giving you a reasuring smile "Sun is right, you shouldn't get so worked up... there are leftovers if you don't feel like cooking today also... just take it easy ok? You'll do fine without us".

Your eyes widen... that prick in your stomach aches harsher, the emptiness in your gut screams in retaliation to his words, your nervousness is quite noticeable now. "W-what do you m-mean? W... Why does it sound like you're saying goodbye?!" Your panic comes out at your last sentance.

You know that's not what the mean to say, you know it's just your brain messing with you... but you can't help it, ever since you arrived here, to your new found home, you've never been left alone by your own, one of them has always kept you company and so the thought of being alone for the first time in a while is simply... overwhelming.

"I-I'm sorry... I'm just..." you clutch the keys closer to you, fidgeting with the little mug shaped keychain. They both look at you in silence for moment, unsure of what to say, but Moon as always, is pretty perceptive. He calls your name softly and sweetly, a tone he usually reserves for when he soothes you to sleep.

You look up at them teary eyed, and for the very first time when they place their hand on your shoulders, you don't flinch. Your eyes widen a bit, you know they want to hug you, but they don't dare to without your explicit permission. So in a fit of pain, you launch yourself into their arms, finally giving in your most deepest cravings, their comfort. Your nose is filled with the escence of coffee and worn clothes. They debate for a moment about returning the hug but seeing you cling to them like this, they decide to do it.

The traces they draw on your skin makes your worries melt like butter. This... this is exactly what you been yearning for... Them. "Promise you'll text me whenever you can... please?" They remain silent, well Sun does, as Moon suddlently bursts out in a warm laughter "S-sorry! It's just- Hahahha- So cute..." You look up at him from his shoulder. "It's so cute when you think we wouldn't be doing that already... hehe... I mean- Who else am I gonna send memes to? Sun? He doesn't even get half of them!" You know he most likely is using this as an excuse to free some tension, but you don't mind, knowing this is just Moon wanting you to feel better, Sun then plays along "Mayyybe if someone bothered to explain them to me I would at least smile!" Sun retorts, to which Moons anly response is to whisper "susus amogus" and that's enough for you both to start snicker. "You two are weird!" Sun playfully states as you and Moon explode wheezing in laughter. You decide to tease him a bit feeling all your previous worries fade away.

"You looove us and you know it~" he huffs and sighs in defeat. "Can't argue with that, dang it!" You jest sticking out your tounge and giving him a little wink, still not letting go of the comfort of their embrace.

...

Oh angst turned into fluff, my secret weapon >:3

[waywardmillennial]

Watcher TV Thoughts

my brain won't be quiet about this

first thought: WHAT?! HOW?! WHY?! followed by lots of screaming and clawing at the walls gifs. basically this:

have some of my initial thoughts and feelings (behind a read more bc idk how long this will get)

spoilers for watcher 4/12 announcement under the cut

the leading fandom theory is that Watcher is going to be building some kind of new subscription service --THEORY ONLY! we gotta wait a week, folks -- that will be like Dropout

on one hand - hooray!! something new that they're excited about! they've always been a production studio, first and foremost, making content on a higher tier that some other yt channels already, so this makes sense

and honestly, with the yt algorithm being a messy binch I can see the impetus to want to make their own thing (shoutout to that one time Steven Lim posted from VidCon 2022 how the whole room was packed for the yt algorithm explanation panel)

obviously I'm already committed to pretty much everything Watcher makes and I'll always try to support them as much as I can. love their whole crew <3

then - bc my brain is Anxietyville and there are so many unknowns in this situation - I start having little worries

I worry if they're launching something this big, on presumably a new platform, is it going to pan out for them? I've already seen how many views and subscribers BFU & WI had, and all those people didn't directly follow the boys over to Watcher (sure, GF and MF took a little longer to get off the ground, and we're still waiting on news of Steven and Andrew's new show) but people like things to be easy. if they're going to try to move all their subscribers somewhere new, how is that going to work?

I feel like so many people watch on apple tv, or roku at home so your new thing should be an app to reach the most people. please don't make me get out my laptop to watch all the shows - or god forbid - my phone

some are thinking it might be Steven's new show to be the one to usher in a new platform, and while I know I love Steven Lim, I worry about how little views his shows on Watcher have had (when compared to GF or PH) so much so that it was decided he could step back and not be on camera so much. I would love to be wrong, but I don't know if a Steven show - even one with Andrew and Adam - would be enough to kickstart a new streaming setup.

also I enjoy being a fangirl and getting to shout with all of you about the shows as they come out and share our memes and gifs. but if the new shows are going to be behind a paywall (again just a theory at this point) how will I feel sharing what happens? I already feel about 20% less excited to share things they post in their patreon. I don't want to break their trust giving away what's behind a paywall. but Watcher is also smart and knows people talking about their shows is akin to free advertising - so how much do they want us to share to generate excitement??

I know most of these are unconfirmed worries and we'll know more next week. overall I am more excited than nervous, and I know they're all smart and have thought this through. I mainly needed to vent because most of this has been looping through my brain for 6+ hours now

thanks for reading my long winded rant! please comment below and let me know what you agree or disagree with <3

[scary-senpai]

Would love to hear more about you & me & a high balcony!

Gahh! Thank you so much for the ask. (Original link is here, if anyone wants to join or reblog.)

So, “you & me & a high balcony” is one of the fics I drafted when I was teaching myself to write again. So it's awkward and striving (mostly in the right direction), and still pretty rough--I started writing it in 2020, I haven't really touched it since 2021, and I have learned a whole lot since then. At the same time, it is a fic that is near to my heart and I'm grateful for the opportunity to talk about it! <3

“you & me & a high balcony” is about Genos taking Garou home for the first time--why? tbd! I wrote probably about 100k words of various interconnected fics without fully committing to the unifying concept or plot and I will never, ever do that again. Probably.

Anyway, Genos takes Garou home and neglects to fully inform Saitama. You are getting my draft in its fully unedited glory.

Saitama’s cactus is on the balcony and it is a very, very painful experience for him. In keeping with running canon gags, Saitama is absolutely powerless against this ickle, stationary cactus and he finds himself in an ongoing fight with it, almost immediately. He also gets totally entangled in Genos' camping gear, but put a pin in that, we'll come back to it.

What follows is a series of interspersed scenes between Genos and Garou inside the apartment, Saitama making strange noises outside, Genos fabricating excuses and lying (poorly), and Genos occasionally stepping out on the balcony pretending to be Genos (because, again, Saitama is wrapped up like a sad sandwich in an unpitched camping tent.) In retrospect, it's very clear how much I miss writing for stage, because it feels a bit like an homage to Noises Off (but, you know, prose).

In the spirit of adventure, I am sending an unedited screenshot. With comments boxes! I haven't re-read it in years because I'm too nervous, but you can!

“CW” doesn’t necessarily stand for content warning but I guess it certainly could? CW is an abbreviation of my name so it’s how I highlight “shit I need to go back and figure out.” Being older and wiser, most of my drafts are now just bullet points for me to come back to later, when I have a coherent, unifying thought for the story/fic/series. It has saved me a lot of screaming and tears.

Anyway, Saitama keeps moving the cactus into the apartment. Garou keeps moving it back. Genos has no idea what the fuck is happening, but it’s the least of his problems. Eventually it leads to Saitama and Garou having a heart-to-heart (and agreeing not to tell Genos they met) and, idk, man, I love writing Genos x Garou a lot, but (Platonic) Garou + Saitama scenes are my absolute favorite. I just give them my ideal relationship, which is All of the Hijinks and None of the Sex with someone who finishes your sentences, but all the sentences are puns.

I started drafting the story in 2020, and anything I wrote in 2020 chronicles my descent into madness— inadvertently & indirectly. Suffice to say, quarantine was hitting me very hard and a lot of my behavior was centered around making myself laugh. My serotonin starved brain had a tendency to overload scenes with jokes. Even if they didn’t fit, even if they threw off the pacing. But stories and scenes need to have cohesive plots and it’s silly, to the point of being out of character. Sometimes that's part of the process, though. There's always a lot of love in the first draft of a story, I think, because it's a leap of faith.

I had written a litany of things that embarrassed me about this draft, I deleted it. So I'll share one of the things that I am proud of coming up with--I don't play a lot of video games. I needed a fighting game for King and Saitama to play during a stint of dialogue (the outcome of which involves King lending Saitama Hatoful Boyfriend so that Genos can practice dating (and also he does not trust Saitama with any of his beloved Doki Doki sims). So I thought of the one game I played a lot as a kid (Super Smash Bros) and combined it with something I do know really well (literature) and came up, um, this:

The Body Electric is near to my heart because it was a major part of my writing journey. It was also a major part of my writing journey where I learned a lot, mostly by making mistakes. Granted, it remains largely unpublished so I failed in gracefully private but it is really important to me to finish it one day.

Thank you so much for the ask!