#and now john dees voice comes into my head

[wrenwinchester]

So, I started writing this snippet back in December, and it started based on the whole “and when dad came home…” line from Dean in season five. Obviously. I’m not sure if this will be included in my actual fic, but my timeline is that this happens when Sam is 11, since I couldn’t find a canon age. This is unedited, though I did read through it the other day, and it’s definitely painting John in a harsh light.

I don’t know that this fits all characteristics of how I see them, but like I said it’s unedited and I’m gonna stop stalling and just let you read if you so choose. Happy 4th of July.

TW: child abuse, canon typical violence,

Word count: 4,330

Flagstaff

Sam 11, Millie 13, and Dean 15 (we don't have a canon age for when he ran off.)

"Why do you guys have to go this time? And why can't Dean and I come too?"

Dean's head snaps towards Sam before he looks at me. And I try to hide the worry in my face, and ignore the tension growing in my shoulders as I turn away from the bag I'm packing.

Sammy's voice isn't scared, he's frustrated. I don't blame him. I'm just as tired of this shit as he is.

"Dad told you why. He needs Dean to work on research for that other case, and Dean hates doing stuff by himself. Besides. It's a simple salt and burn, we'll be a week, tops." I smile at him, hoping it's reassuring as I reach up to ruffle his hair. When did I start having to reach up to the top of his head? At least he's still shorter than me. Even if only barely.

I shake my head. And Sam deflates, going to mope in the other room. Fucking preteens, man. Goddamn. I give Dean a look of sympathy. I know he'd rather be the one going on this hunt, hell, I'd rather stay here with Sam.  At least then I'd only have to worry about one brother.

"Mills, if you don't finish packing, Dad is going to be pissed when he gets back." I nod, Dean's eyes promising me they'd be okay.

The door opens, and despite everything I tell myself, my body freezes.

"You ready to go?" Dad's voice is gruff, and I flinch as the door slams behind him. Sam comes back into the main room, ready to fight before Dean gives him a look.

I nod stiffly, not trusting myself. Unlike either of my brothers, I know what this hunt is actually about. And it's not just another hunt, but God do I wish it was.

Dad is using me as bait.

He's using me as bait, and I can't fucking tell my brothers.

"Sam, you'll be fine. Just listen to Dee, and stay out of trouble." I smile at him, reassuringly. He just nods sadly.

"Sam." Dad's voice is harsh as he says the name, and Dean and I both ready to jump in if necessary. "Stop throwing a fit over every little detail." The quiet that sweeps over the room is thick. "If you needed to be on this hunt, you would be." Sam flinches at the words, and I just want to stay and hold him.

But I can't.

Dad has already left the room, so I have to trail behind him.

I glance between my brothers before I walk out the door. Dean can handle Sammy. He always has.

...

Unsurprisingly, the hunt took longer than a week. Hell, it took almost a month, Dad ran me ragged, keeping me up late in the night figuring out what it was, because it sure as hell wasn't a ghost. (I'm still not sure what it was.) Dean had called at some point, but we were busy, and Dad yelled at me for trying to answer it. That was a week ago. I haven't heard from either of my brothers since, but frankly it was weirder that we'd gotten a call from Dean at all.

It had me worried.

But now we're on our way back to the motel where we left the boys at.

"Millicent, stop bouncing." Dad's voice is harsh, and I force my legs to hold still.

My finger starts tapping. "What was that thing, Dad?" I ask trying to distract myself from everything that could have gone wrong with my brothers.

"An Okami, they're rare in the states, 'cording to Bobby, but it stayed down, so guess we did something right." He's demeanor is so calm. It pisses me off, how can he not even be concerned about the lack of communication from Sam and Dean. I rub the bandage on my arm nervously, at least I'll see them soon.

"Interesting, why do you think there's one here now?" At least if he's talking I can pretend to be focused on that.

"No idea kiddo, but it's gone now." He reaches over to ruffle my hair, and I let him, if only because I don't want his mood to sour. "Get some rest, we've still got a couple hours 'til we're back with your brothers.

I nod and turn towards the window, watching as the sun sets and stars come out. Wishing more than anything that we were with my brothers right now.

I must have fallen asleep shortly after, because the car is now pulling into the motel parking lot.

Before Dad even has the car in park, I jump out of passenger seat, ignoring the cut in my side as it pulls from the movement.

Dad shakes his head in amusement, as I rush to the door, knowing I'll have to wait at least 5 minutes for him to get our bags and get over here with the key, but I'm too impatient.

Thankfully, I don't have to wait that long, I don't even have to do the knock. Dean opens the door, and within a second, I've wrapped my arms around his neck, and out of sheer habit, he lifts me up to swing me around.

I wince despite wanting to enjoy this rare show of affection, and Dean quickly sets me down on the sidewalk.

"Are you okay?" He asks, worry in his eyes.

I nod, "yeah, just a small cut. I'm fine." I don't mention the stitches dad had to put in, or the cut on my arm, as I check Dean over. Usually when Dad takes just Sam or I on a hunt or to practice, Dean seems healthier, at least more rested.

Dean's only response is to nod back, before turning his attention to Dad.

"Dad?" He calls out, his voice small and scared. I started to worry. Dad had looked up from the trunk of the impala, and I didn't like the look in his eye. I went into the hotel room, I didn't need to be out there, for this conversation, and I'd missed Sam too.

I checked all the rooms for Sam, but I couldn't find him. Dean wouldn't have let Sam go off on his own. I glance back towards the door as the realization dawns on me.

Sam is gone, and Dean is telling Dad right now.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Not two seconds later, Dad is storming into the motel room, Dean following behind earnestly.

"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LET HIM GO OFF ON HIS OWN?" His voice is harsh, and once the door is closed, my heart starts beating fast. I try to step in between them, but Dad pushes me out of the way on to the floor. My heart is beating faster, and panic is setting in as I watch, disoriented from the floor.

Dad's hand is... it's wrapped around Dean's throat. De.. Dean is struggling to breathe, I can see it in his face. I try to stand up, dizzy and disoriented, I probably have a concussion now, but that's every other week at this point.

"Dad. Dad!" I rush across the room, throwing myself on Dad's arm, trying to get in-between. "Dad! You're going to kill him!" My voice is harsh, I've never been more scared. As I'm pulling on his arm to get him to set Dean down, I look in his eyes.

"Dad, please!" I'm pleading with him now, but I'd do anything to get him to stop. When he finally looks at me. He lets go of Dean, who then falls to the floor. He brings up his hand, slapping me across the face.

"He lost your brother! The Hell am I supposed to do?" He quickly turns back to Dean, moving on to wailing on him, not hard enough where people would see the bruises when Dean went back to school, but still. My heart breaks more than it ever has.

"Dad! It's not his fault!" I just wanted it all to stop, and he just hits me once in the stomach, hard enough to put me out of commission for a while.

"Enough!" Dean's also out of commission for at least a week, but Dad walks out of the motel. I don't really care where he's going, I'm just glad that he's gone for a while, and assume he's going to look for Sam, or to a bar. Probably a bar.

I crawl over to Dean.

"Dee?" My voice is strained, and I'm pretty sure I have a broken rib or two, and the cut on my side is definitely reopened.

"Are you okay, Millie?" his voice is hoarse, and I can't believe that he is asking if I'm okay, when Dad almost killed him.

"ME? What about you?" I let out a dry chuckle, "Dad almost killed you."

I'll be fine, it's nothing that hasn't happened before." He looks away from me as he says it, his voice barely above a whisper, not to mention the fact he all but lost it from Dad choking him.

My eyes soften, as my heart breaks into smaller pieces. "I knew about the hitting, that's nothing new, but he's choked you out before?" tears start welling in my eyes, and I don't mention the ones I see in his. He just nods. "Oh, Dee." I try to lean against his shoulder, but wince as the cut pulls, reminding me of reality.

"You sure you're okay Millie?" Dean asks, more like coughs.

I try to nod reassuringly, but the sting in my side has gotten worse, and my hand reaches up to grab it. "Shit." Frankly, we should both be going to the hospital, but we both know that's going to happen, and it's not even really an option.

Dean glances down to where my hand is gripping my side, and his eyes widen as he sees the blood starting to show through my shirt. Double shit.

I try to move, but I can't, it just makes it worse.

"Shit. Millie. What the hell?" Dean asks, he struggles to stand, but once he's up, he carefully lifts me up.

"Dean. Put me down. I'm fine." I try to push away from him, but everything in me wants to just close my eyes.

"No, you're not." He sets me on the bed. "Let me see it." It's not a request, but I roll my eyes, trying not to pass out as I do.

"Dean, I walked a mile out of the woods with this, then rode in the car for half an hour before Dad put the stitches in. I'll be fine for a few minutes." I hadn't meant to tell him what happened, especially not how long I'd been bleeding for, but nonetheless, it came out. Stupid delirium.

He looks at me in shock as I continue, "I mean, I didn't have a double concussion, or a broken rib, but still."

"Fuck, Millicent, what the fuck." He stares at me a second more before turning to my wound. Finally, I let him pull my shirt up to look at it. I hadn't checked it since last night, but it was fine. "Shit, Millie." he looked up at my face. I tried to ignore the rasp in his voice, it just made me angrier at Dad, and the last thing I needed was an increase in blood pressure. "I'm going to have to restitch this, and it's going to hurt like hell. Do you know which side the broken rib is? Can you tell?"

"Y-yeah," I sound breathless, and it's hard to breath. I remind myself it's nothing new, and it's not the first time I've had broken ribs. "At least one on both sides. I-I think."

"Motherfucker." Dean sighs. He shouldn't be the one doing this, but there's no one else I would really let. The only reason I let Dad was because I was too far from Dean, and I couldn't do it myself. "Okay, stay awake. I'm going to grab the first aid kit. Can you tell me what happened on the hunt? Or do you want me to tell you a story?"

He got up as he was talking, and I started to panic. "Y-you." my breathing is labored, and I think I'm in shock a little, because the reality of what just happened is just now hitting me. I shake my head. "Tell.. tell me why Sam took off, an-- and when." I say, trying to control my breathing.

When Dean comes back with the kit, he has me lay down on my left side, the side without the cut. I focus solely on Dean's voice as he talks, watching his hands move rhythmically as he sews up the cut in my side. The next few weeks are going to suck ass.

Dean tells me about a small fight he and Sam got in after Dad and I had been gone longer than a week. I nod in understanding, followed by a wince as he pulls my skin together with the floss. It wasn't the first time Sam lashed out when a hunt didn't go as planned.

Dean continues, saying Sam seemed to calm down after that, and it wasn't until a little over a week ago that Sam ran off. That's when he called. He tried to find him for a couple days before he called, but Sam never came back, and he couldn't find him.

"It's probably the most stress I've ever felt, until you guys came home, and I had to tell Dad." his voice feels distant, farther away than it should, and I can't tell if it's because I'm falling asleep, or if his voice is just that far gone.

Not long after that, he has me sit up. "This is going to suck worse, but if you're right, and you do have broken ribs, we have to wrap them." I sigh, wincing as I do, before nodding.

After I'm all patched up, and I can breathe again, I check Dean over for any open wounds, or anything, but there's nothing to patch up.

"I told you, I'm fine. You need to rest." He gets me to lay back down about an hour after he was done fixing me.

"We need to find Sam." I'm pacing now, grateful for my older brother who always watches out for me, but in this moment, I'm focusing on the fact that Sam has been missing for over a week. "Did you check the library? or the I don't know, is the county fair happening?" I ask, I know it's around that time of year, and Dean just nods.

"We're not going to find him in the next few hours, and we both are going to collapse if we don't get some rest. Come on." He practically pulls me to one of the two beds, and I reluctantly follow. He tucks me in, humming "Hey Jude" like Mom used to do before moving to sleep on the other bed.

"Where are you going?" I ask confused, it's almost never a question on whether or not he and I share a bed, hell we still occasionally all three share a bed.

"Millie Wren, you have at least two broken ribs, and a hole in your side," he sounds flabbergasted as he says it, "I'm not risking hurting you in our sleep."

"Dee, please. You know I don't sleep without sharing a bed with someone." That gets him, and he rolls his eyes.

"Dammit Wren, It's not my fault if you get hurt." I smile because for once he actually sounds like a brother, so I just nod in agreement.

A few minutes later, with the lights off, and both of us comfortable in the bed, Dean says, "are you still awake?" I turn my head to face him.

"It's only been five minutes, of course I'm awake." I tease, but even in the dark, I can see the seriousness of the conversation he wants to have.

"We can't tell Sam what Dad did when he found out. It was my job to protect him and I failed, it makes sense, and you know that getting in between makes things worse, it was bound to happen. It makes complete sense why Dad did what he did. He's scared of losing us like we lost Mom." I nod in agreement.

"You're right. Dad's reasons make sense, and We need to protect Sam." He nods and we both turn to look up at the ceiling instead. It's one of those popcorn ceilings, the textured ones. "You know I'm always going to step in right?" I ask him after a minute, and I feel his eyes turn to me as I talk. "You're not the only one instructed to protect their siblings, and that includes you. Besides, I can handle the yelling, the beating, as long as it's directed at me. You and Sam... You guys are my weaknesses."

"I really wish you wouldn't, but I understand why you will." With that comment, the conversation ends as we both know we have an understanding.

The next morning comes quickly, and movement is quickly stifled by pain and stiffness throughout my body. As I sit up, I glance over towards Dean's side of the bed, he's still sleeping, understandably so. Yesterday was one of the rougher days we've had. I glanced over to the other bed, it was untouched, Dad hadn't been back. I just hoped he was looking for Sammy rather than sitting passed out in a bar somewhere.

I slowly move towards the bathroom, the last time I'd been was like 18 hours ago. My mind wanders to Sam, what he's doing right now, if he's safe or not, and what Dad's reaction is going to be when he finds him. I shudder at the last thought before I remember that despite his loud opposition of Dad's orders, he is the golden child.

It takes me a while in the bathroom, literally every muscle in my body aches, I carefully lift up my shirt after I wash my hands, and I see the huge bruise on my left side and back from where Dad threw me on the floor. I sigh.

By the time I slowly walk out of the bathroom Dean is up, and we are ready to go look for Sam.

A couple more days pass by before Dad finally comes back, without Sam. Shit.

He's calmer now, and I can't smell any alcohol, but that doesn't mean he hasn't been drinking. Dean and I are walking on eggshells around him, not knowing what might set him off.

When Dad passes out around 2 that afternoon, a thought occurs to me. "Hey, Dean?" I whisper to avoid waking Dad up. He looks up from the news paper where he is reading for any approximately 11 year old John Does that might have turned up in the past couple weeks, there's nothing. "Isn't Flagstaff around here?" I ask, as an idea forms in my head that I can't believe we didn't think of sooner.

His eyes light up as realization dawns on his face. "Shit, Yeah it is." He looks like his brain is moving a thousand miles a minute. "Holy Fuck, I can't believe we never looked there." He doesn't have to worry about whispering, because even though his voice is mostly back, it's still pretty raspy.

"We have to wake Dad up." I say, anxiety coating my words. "It's the only place that makes sense, and you can't drive the car by yourself.

"Dammit, I hate that you're right." His voice is weary, but somehow less raspy.

"We could wait until he wakes up on his own?" I offer, but we both know it's a bad idea. We'd likely get another beating for waiting to go get Sam from whatever trouble he got himself into. Dean just looks at me. "I know. I know."

"Go to the other room, Millie, I'll wake him up." Dean says, courage building in his voice, but I can hear the fear he's trying to hide.

"No, we're doing this together. I'm not letting you take the heat for this by yourself." I sound a lot more confident than I feel, but Dean doesn't push. Very carefully we wake him up.

Neither one of us gets yelled at, a welcome surprise, instead, he makes both of us get in the car as he drives to Flagstaff. The car is silent the whole ride.

When we get there, Dad instructs Dean and I to stay in the car. We obey. We've gotten whooped enough times this week, we weren't about to open the door to another one.

Dad goes in to a diner in town to check with locals about whether or not they've seen Sam. Dean and I diligently stay put, the silence in the car beginning to get overbearing. Dad talks inside the diner for a good half an hour or more, and just when Dean and I give each other a look considering disobeying orders, I see Sam.

"Dee..." I start.

"Millie, you heard what Dad said--" he started.

"No, Dean, look. It's Sam." I point out his window, and within a second, both of us are jumping out of the car, broken ribs and all, though at this point the cut is mostly healed.

"SAM!" Dean yells across the street. Sammy turns to face us, shock and wonder crossing his face.

"DEE!" he yells, before he sees me behind him. "MILLIE, YOU'RE BACK!!" I smile at him as relief settles over me, at least he's okay. Sam quickly looks both ways before making his way over to Dean and I. Despite his frustration, I can see Dean's relief in the slump of his shoulders and everything about how he's holding himself.

"I swear to God, Sammy, if you ever, and I mean EVER, do something like this again, I'm gonna throttle you myself," Dean says before giving him another hug. Sam knows nothing but empty threats like this, and I know that is all it is.

I hug both my brothers. "If either of you ever disappear on me again, I'm going to beat your asses." I say, before allowing Dean to guide us back to the car.

"Bitches." Dean says, pointing his word at both of us.

"Assholes."

"Fu-" Sam starts, but Dean and I both stare at him, he just rolls his eyes. "Jerks." I smile at the normalcy of just the three of us, until I remember one of us has to go get Dad.

Dean and I shove Sam into the car, not meanly, just making sure he's not going to slip away again before Dean says, "I'll go get Dad." I just shake my head.

"No way, I'll get him, he'll be softer on me, I'll be fine." Dean starts to object, but I cut him off, "Dean, you've taken the brunt of it this week, let me do this, and one of us needs to keep an eye on Sam." Reluctantly, Dean concedes. It's not like Dad is going to beat us in public, and then Sam will be back, so he'll be in a better mood.

Dean gets in the car next to Sammy, and I turn around sighing, it'll be fine. He's not gonna do anything that might cause suspicion from locals. I force myself to relax, before I walk into the diner after my dad.

It looks the same as most other diners I've been in across the country, a row of booths, a row of tables, and the counter. I glance around the room for Dad. I know he's in here somewhere, he has to be.

As I'm scanning the room for the third time, I finally see him, he's hunched over the counter a coffee in his hands as he's just sitting there. Sam's missing and he's sitting there.

Okay, well, Sam's not missing anymore, but he doesn't know that. I shove my anger down, I have to hold the family together, so I cautiously walk to where he's seated halfway across the diner.

"Dad," my voice sounds small, and I watch him fight the urge to snap at me for disobeying.

"Millie," his voice is strained. "I thought I told you to wait in the car?" It's not a question, he's giving me an out. Do other thirteen year olds think about this stuff, are they this cautious around their dads?

"Yes, sir, but Sam came back." I just blurt it out before he can cut me off, before the anger he's so good at pushing down boils over.

A weight seems to lift off of Dad's shoulders. Perhaps relief, perhaps he's no longer grieving his youngest child, perhaps he's just glad he's not in danger or hurt, or dead. "Good. Go wait in the car, I'll be out in a few minutes."

"Yes sir," I nod, turning around (practically in a perfect military style about face, but that's irrelevant). I go back out to the car, and join my brothers in the back seat of the Impala.

"Everything okay, Millie?" Dean asks, the worry lacing his tone only so much that I could tell, but Sam couldn't. Years of training our expressions taught us that one.

"Yeah, he says he'll be out in a few minutes." Dean nods, and we continue to sit in silence.

"Is Dad mad at me?" Sam asks, and my heart breaks. It's not something he should have to worry about. Ever. "I know I shouldn't have run off, I was just so frustrated."

Dean and I share a look before he looks back at Sam, "Dad could never be mad at you, you just scared him. You can't run off without telling anyone, okay?"

"Okay, Dee."

[jawritter]

His Good Boy

Summary: Jeff just loves to make Jensen suffer...

Rating: MATURE!!! THIS IS AN 18+ ONLY FIC!!!

Word Count: 710

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Jeffery Dean Morgan (I said what I said)

Written For: @spnkinkevents

Prompt: Free Space (Daddy Kink/Praise Kink/Sub-Dom)

Warnings: *whew, here we go* SMUT! Penatrative Smut, M/M, Dom!JDM x Sub!Jensen, Praise Kink, Daddy Kink, Control Kink, Light Bondage, Pain Kink if you know where to look, Cheating, Language. Orgasm Control. Shaming, Begging. (I hope that's everything, cause I feel like I'm missing something)

A/N: *chuckles to self while heavily debating on not posting this...* This is the first bit if Kinky smut I've written in a long time. So be nice, cause I've NEVER written this kinda smut before. Any who, this is completely unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine! Feedback is golden! Enjoy!

Main Masterlist

"Please let me touch it, Oh fuck! Please, I need to touch it!" Jensen begged through gritted teeth, any pride or shame he had left had been thrown out of the window a long time ago.

His body was shivering, his thigh and leg muscles burning. Small beads of sweat rolled down his naked body, creating little lines of moisture that disappeared into nothing on top of his burning skin. His erect cock stood hard, red, and dripping between his legs. It was heavy, tingling, and full. He ached to touch himself as he watched it bob up and down seamlessly as he rode Jeff's cock in the same steady rhythm that he demanded of he keep pace to.

"Oh no pretty boy, what did Daddy tell you? You're gonna ride Daddy's cock until you cum untouched, and you're so close, to close to give up now," John said, his voice steady and even as his dark eyes watched Jensen bounce on his thick length harder, desperate and ready to fucking explode as Jeff tightened the grip he had on the belt that kept Jensen’s wrist tide firmly behind his back.

Jensen sobbed back a moan as his head lulled slightly, and he quickened his pace, his legs were twitching and jumping as he strained to somehow get himself off before he lost his goddamn mind while he all but rutted Jeff's cock deeper into his tight hole, adding even more delicious pressure to his prostate, and making his dick leak more as it twitched hard. Jeff moaned at the sight, damn near blowing his own load too soon.

"Come on Baby, you're not gonna cry and give up now are you? Such a good boy, taking my cock so well Jay. You're so fucking close, just let go, let yourself cum."

"PLEASE, HELP ME DADDY, PLEASE! JUST LET ME TOUCH IT FOR YOU!" Jensen pleased, and John's hips jerked forward, causing Jensen to be thrust forward and down again on Jeff's dick. God if he kept begging like that he was gonna make him cum in that pretty little ass of his, and he was gonna have his cum dripping out of his pretty little used hole, and into those expensive boxers during ops again. He's pretty sure one of the handlers could even smell it last time. The shame, that is...

Jeff continued to fuck upward unto Jensen as Jensen’s desperation grew, and he rode and rutted Jeff's cock into him with vigor, his whole body vibrating with pleasure and pain. It was a site Jeff would surely commit to memory.

"Shhhh," he hushed him, "Don't want Dee and Hil to know your Daddy's favorite little cock slut, and they're just outside that door there with your fans. Don't want them to know either now, be a good boy and cum for Daddy."

Jensen growled as his perfect white teeth sank into his lower lip, and his cock twitched again before cum, hot and white shot onto Jeff's bare chest, and Jensen’s body twitched and jerked above him as he finally found his release. The chair Jeff was sitting in creaked loudly, but he didn't care much

"God Boy, such a good boy," John moaned as he helped Jensen from his own cock and onto his knees, his hands still firmly tied behind his back. Jensen was so weak and pretty, his body still cock drunk and shivering lightly. What a fucking sight.

"Now," Jeff said as he stroked himself hard and fast right in front of Jensen's pretty, panting mouth. "Open up, and swallow like the good boy you are."

And he did, he was always such a good boy, next time, he was going to have to let him touch it.

Jeff moaned at the thought as he came into Jensen’s hot, waiting mouth, bracing Jensen’s jaw with one rough hand as Hilarie knocked outside of the door.

"Jeff! Baby! Have you seen Jensen? The handlers need him at autos!" She called, Jeff smirked down at his favorite little fuck toy while he worked to free his hands.

"Na babe! Haven't seen him! Maybe Jared has!" He called back over his shoulder, and Hil cursed as she marched off to find Jared.

"Now go clean yourself up, you have a con to finish, and when it's over, if you’re a good boy, I might fuck you again later."

"Yes sir," Jensen answered breathlessly as he watched Jeff slip out of the room after cleaning himself up and dressing quickly.

And fuck he couldn't wait to be his good boy.

Forever:

@whittysunflower

@demongirl1996  

@as-lost-as-sams-shoe

@jensenslady79

@spnwoman

@stoneyggirl2

@unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men

@stixnstripesworld

@fullwattpadmusictree

@nancymcl

@christycreature

@whiskey-infused-dreams

@supernatural79impala

@deandreamernp

@forgetthisbull

@miraclesoflove

@slamminmine

@deanwanddamons

@rvgrsbrns

@chevyharvelle

@i-love-superhero-movies

@lyss-dw79

@magssteenkamp

@lemondropirwin

@squirrelnotsam

@hobby27

@spnbaby-67  

@mrsjenniferwinchester

@defenderrosetyler

@thecreatiivecorner  

@vicmc624

@busy-bee-angel-misska

@justanotherwinchester

@brilovesdeanwinchester

@idksupernatural

@lyarr24

@emoryhemsworth

@dean-winchesters-gardian-angel

@flamencodiva

@itmejado

@thoughts-and-funnies

@teresa-67

@hearteyes-j2

@peaches007

@bobbie3939

@vulgar-library

@writercole

@fairlyspnfanfic

@sexyvixen7

@spngi

@b3autyfuldisast3r

@donnaintx

@maliburenee

@the-family-business67

@agirlwithdemonblood

@captainsoldiergirl

@twinkleinadiamondsky

Jensen and Dean’s Babes

@deans-baby-momma  

@impalaslytherin

@perpetualabsurdity

@msmarvelouswinchester

@akshi8278

@love-jackles

@irmcpar

@pink-sparkly-witch

@deans-spinster-witchs-favorites​

@herstarburststories​

@mimaria420​

@deanwinchesterswitch​

@charred-angelwings​

@pascal-rascal424​

@myloversgone​

@fortheloveof-jackles​

@eevvvaa​

@bts-spnlvr12​

@jxackles​

@lassie-bird​

@samsgirl93​

@shawnie74​  

@kaz11283​

@mlovesstories​

@ladysparks78

[ddelline]

fic OST | circulus vitiosus (salva mea)

blurb | bc it’s me ofc there’s a fic OST to be had! posting this in the wake of publishing part 1, despite having 2 more parts to both write & post. well. anyway: hereby the music which serves as the inspirational foundation for circulus vitiosus (salva mea), or as it’s colloquially called: time loop!fic. may contain vague, conceptual spoilers for what’s to come in parts 2 and 3 (though not that much bc everything herein is pretty consistently dark & foreboding, lol) what | 30 tracks which may or may not be arranged according to in-fic events & which fail to stick any sort of genre-bound landing, feat everything from broken beat avant garde electronica → triphop → psychedelic rock → classic r&b, plus some delicious instrumental electric guitar bits playlist → spotify tracklist | under cut

01 | VTSS — why we don’t deserve nice things

instr

02 | tzusing — 戴綠帽 (wear green hat)

instr

03 | aphex twin — formula

instr

04 | the dead weather — will there be enough water?

will there be enough water when my ship comes in? water when my ship comes in? will there be water when my ship comes in?

05 | gustavo santaolalla — the hunters

instr

06 | wax tailor — ungodly fruit

perhaps those who may be among us for the first time may be wondering what is going to happen now

07 | djuma soundsystem — les djinns (trentemøller remix)

instr

08 | DJ shadow — what does your soul look like, pt. 2

in a few moments you will have an experience which will seem completely real it will be the result of your subconscious fears transformed to your conscious awareness you have five seconds to terminate this tape five, four, three, two, one

09 | nicolas jaar — john the revelator 

now who art worthy, crucified and holy bound up for some, son of our god daughter of zion, judea’s lion

10 | ethel cain — two-headed mother

I’ve loved before, I’ll kill again you’re just the worst of all my men I’m not gonna pull you out the den

11 | regis — broken on the wheel

instr

12 | restive plaggona — lonely people after midnight

instr

13 | shudan — jiangshi

instr

14 | teeth of the sea — field punishment

instr

15 | parrish smith — fader

instr

16 | thom yorke — harrowdown hill

did I fall or was I pushed? did I fall or was I pushed? and where’s the blood? and where’s the blood?

17 | TENDER — machine

you cut me open, and pull me apart a hollow chest instead of a heart control, control me you do what you want with me, baby till I am spent, I’m so content

18 | BANKS — 27 hours

it’s been twenty seven hours since we even saw the sun

19 | deaf bones — only lovers left alive

instr

20 | parrish smith — sex, suicide & speed metal

instr

21 | low — poor sucker

some poor sucker at the bottom of the lake took the wrong way up when the ground began to break it’s a long way back that’s the price you gotta pay

22 | sade — long hard road

there’s a long hard road ahead but a voice inside me said said there’s something that you need to know it’s gonna to be alright

23 | massive attack, tricky & 3D — take it there

we’ll take it there, but take your time we’ll take it there, you’ll lose your mind

24 | plaid & björk — lilith

the moon it guides me on baby there’s absolutely no doubt

25 | sneaker pimps — lightning field

hope’s the child of what luck brings points to faith in higher things ask me now fire at everything at once strike me down

26 | mew — one flew over, one was destroyed

do you remember what made you fall? and does it matter to you at all?

27 | amor satyr — que dançar?

instr

28 | manni dee & akiko haruna — frowzy

a couple hours means nothing in the dark in the end the choice was never ours

29 | faithless, rollo armstrong & sister bliss — salva mea

I wanna take a look at the world behind these eyes every nook, every cranny reorganize realize my face don't fit the way I feel what's real?

30 | hozier — first light

the sky set to burst the gold and the rust the colour erupts you filling my cup the sun coming up

[can-of-pringles]

King and Lionheart - Chapter 4

Rating: Teen and up audiences

Warnings: Nothing that’s not in the series.

Word Count: 2k.

Summary:  Dream goes after John Dee to get his ruby back.

Also Read On AO3

The two birds worked together to wake up their Dream Lord.

“Boss? Boss, wake up,” Matthew spoke.

“Please, Dream!” Lee shouted.

“Hey, boss, come on, get up.” He tried again, tapping him with his beak. “I mean it, seriously.” There was an edge to his voice.

Lee sighed.

“We gotta get him out of here. Gotta get the ruby back,” Matthew said. He hopped down from pecking Dream’s clothes. The raven stood in front of him.

Lee began to pace, quietly muttering under her breath. Should they try to contact Lucienne? Was that even possible with Morpheus unconscious?

“But we can’t do that unless you wake the fuck up! Wake up!” Matthew continued.

That seemed to work. Dream awoke with a start. He slowly sat up, looking dazed.

Lee tried hiding her surprise at seeing him in such a state, so used to his regal presence. “Dream? Are you okay?” She stepped forward, looking up at him.

Dream glanced around at the messed state of the crate. He took a breath, processing what happened.

“You had us really worried, boss.” Matthew tilted his head.

“I will be okay… but I must retrieve the ruby soon, and stop John Dee.” Morpheus managed to stand up, remaining relatively unharmed from the explosion.

“Like, right now now? Or…” Lee spoke, standing next to his shoe.

Dream looked down at her, furrowing his brow.

“It doesn’t seem safe,” she murmured, glancing away.

“It will be okay, I’ll put an end to this,” his tone was gentle, trying to reassure her. “Perhaps you should return to The Dreaming.”

Lee scoffed. “Listen, just because I’m a little shaken up, doesn’t mean I’m ditching you, okay? I’m not a coward.”

At this point, Dream knew better than to try to argue with her. He instead focused on what to do next.

---

John had gotten plenty of time to spread chaos at the diner. Now all his victims lay dead in pools of their own blood. The light started flickering.

I see the future.

Then tell me. Tell me my future. John asked.

You come from dust. The voice echoed.

He turned around from his seat at the bar. The three women who had been killed by his destructive choices appeared behind him; covered in blood. Thunder crashed outside.

“You walk the dust.”

“You go back to the dust.”

“That’s everyone’s future. Tell me my future,” John spoke.

Another voice caused him to turn.

“There is no future for you, John Dee.”

Now The Fates appeared as the three murdered women.

“It is bound by walls and guards and the sour smell of madness.”

John’s eyes widened. He felt like he could barely breathe, paralyzed by fear.

“And then the skein of your life is cut, son of your mother.”

“No. Look again. Tell me my future.” He begged.

The broken lights flashed suddenly again.

“You have stolen some of the power of Dream’s.”

“You will take all of it.”

“You will crush the Dream Lord’s life in your hands.”

---

Dream and the two ravens stood outside the diner, preparing for what potential carnage awaited them inside.

“I want you both to stay outside. Especially you, Lee.” He looked down at them.

“What? Why me?” she couldn’t hide the annoyance in her voice.

“Don’t argue with me on this, Lee Quinn,” Dream’s tone was one of concern, not anger. “You don’t need to witness the damage done.”

Taking the hint, Lee nodded, swallowing nervously. She had just been through Hell and back, literally, yet this must’ve been worse. It sounded like it from his warning.

“We’ll stay out here, boss,” Matthew said.

With that, Dream left them and opened the door of the diner. He walked inside, closing the door before Lee could get a good look.

John stood when he heard the door open and close. A man dressed in black appeared near the front, saying nothing as the lights continued to flash. He walked forward.

“Hello.” John sighed. “I’m John.”

Dream didn’t speak, silently shocked at how much he’d done with the tarnished ruby.

“I’m glad you’re here. The power has gone out. So there’s no TV, and no one left to talk to.” He glanced away.

“What is it you think you’re doing?” Morpheus asked.

“Saving the world from its lies.”

“The ruby wasn’t made for that.”

Realization shown on John’s face. “Oh, you’re The Sandman. My mother was right. She said you’d be coming for it.”

“You must return it to me so that I can repair the damage you have done.” Dream instructed.

“I’m not giving it to you, it’s mine.”

“It is harming you, John, and your world.” He warned.

“It’s revealing the truth.” He nodded slightly. “This is the truth of mankind.”

“No. You’re wrong. This is the truth of mankind.”

Dream used his powers, allowing a vision. Light shone in from the windows of one booth. The people were alive again, and everything appeared normal.

“How’s work going?” Bette asked as she waited at their table.

“Good, you know. Busy,” Kate said.

“They’re lying to themselves,” John insisted.

“Garry’s supervising a new venture that looks promising,” she continued.

“It’s all lies.”

“Not lies, John. Dreams,” Morpheus replied.

“Right, sweetie?” Kate turned her attention to her husband.

“Kate dreams of running away, where no one will find her.”

She glanced away toward the window.

“How are you, Bette?” Garry asked.

“Garry dreams of proving his father was wrong about him.” Dream narrated.

“How’s Bernard doing? How’s your writing going?”

“Yeah, how’s the novel?” Kate added.

“Good, you know,” Bette answered.

“Bette dreams of creating something that matters to people.”

John frowned. This wasn’t right. It wasn’t the truth.

“Their dreams inspired them,” Morpheus said. “Their dreams kept them alive. But if you rob them of their dreams, if you take away their hope, then… yes, this is the truth of mankind.”

The lights turned red, and the vision faded, now back to the horrific reality it was before. The lights flickered, showing the dark blood that stained the floor from the bodies.

“The ruby is hurting you, John.” Dream walked toward him. “It has too much of my power within it. It stole more when I tried to use it.”

“Then perhaps if I use it to steal the rest of your powers, I will be the King of Dreams,” John proposed.

“If you’d rob a Dream Lord of his power, you shall do so in his realm. In dreams.”

John turned around, no longer in the diner. He glanced down at the ruby in his hand before looking up again. He moved toward the Burgess mansion in the distance, fog hanging in the surrounding air.

Now inside, he looked around, feeling wariness sink into his bones. Confusion shone on his face when he noticed a cloaked figure in the distance. Whoever they were, they clearly weren’t Dream. However, they wore the helm. Before John could get closer, they disappeared.

He paused and continued to look around, glancing up when he heard footsteps above. The black cloak dropped to the first floor, revealing a mysterious woman. John quickly moved up the stairs. She walked away and out of sight. He tried to follow her to another room.

She disappeared yet again, leaving him to look around the room. John stopped and glanced at an old photo of Roderick Burgess, his son, and Ethel Cripps.

He turned his head when he heard laughter, assumingly coming from the mysterious person. John didn’t stop his search, finding her on a bed. He carefully reached out to take the helm off her face. His eyes widened when he saw her face.

“Welcome home, Johnny,” a young Ethel spoke.

John gasped and immediately backed up, genuinely freaked out.

“Don’t be such a baby, Johnny.” She smiled too widely and laughed.

John couldn’t ignore the fear he felt, overwhelmed by the sounds and disturbing sights. He turned around, now in another place. He saw an old memory of his mother trying to stop an infant version of him from crying. Though the memory turned twisted.

“Go to sleep, Johnny. Please,” Ethel spoke frantically, trying anything to quiet her son; even if her methods were more forceful.

“Mother?” John walked toward the memory, wondering if she could hear him.

“Johnny, you have to go to sleep.” She didn’t hear him.

John’s steps were halted as someone from behind grabbed and choked him. He was in yet another place, back in the asylum and being choked by his mother.

“Your father was right. I never should’ve had you,” she whispered.

He could barely get a single breath out, continuing to choke as she pulled the necklace tighter.

“It’s a dream!” He gasped and repeated, realizing. The ruby began to glow red.

The strain on his neck was gone. He turned around, now in the ruins of The Dream Lord’s castle. He stood to his full height and looked around, turning to look at the throne. No one was there except him.

“Is this your palace… Dream lord? Is this your throne… King of Lies?” He held the ruby out. “Well, it’s mine now!”

Using the power of the ruby, he decided to destroy more of the palace.

“Are you watching? Can you see me?” He yelled.

Everything around him crumbled, coming apart.

“Using your own powers to burn away your lies?”

“You must stop.” Dream appeared in the distance, wearing his helm. “It is not too late to save yourself.”

“Oh, you think it’s me that needs saving?” his voice was raised.

“Your father stole the ruby from me and cursed you with it.” Morpheus corrected.

“You mean he blessed me with it.” John paused before holding out the ruby. “Your reign… ended when my father captured you.”

He slowly walked forward, attempting to trap Dream with the ruby.

“Your kingdom is my birthright!” He shouted as Morpheus began to weaken; being pulled into the gem.

“Your power resides within me.”

Dream lay trapped on the ground, too weak to move as he was absorbed by the ruby.

“How does it feel to know I hold your life in my hands?” John spoke triumphantly.

“You’re hurting the dreamers.” Dream muttered, his voice hoarse from pain.

“Well, it’s time they woke up! Your life and your lies end now.” John raised his voice.

A huge red explosion erupted. John crushed the ruby in his hand, breaking it into multiple pieces. Everything turned blindingly white, leaving him to stand in a white void.

“I did it. I killed him. I won.” He glanced around.

“Thank you, John.”

The voice caused him to look up in surprise. He stood in the palm of Dream, the Endless now many times bigger; towering over everything.

“But I killed you,” John argued.

“You destroyed the ruby and released the power inside it. I would never have thought of that. I’d forgotten just how much of myself I had placed in the jewel,” Dream spoke.

“Are you going to kill me?” He asked meekly.

“I could. Perhaps I will.”

John said nothing in response, too scared to speak.

“But the dream stone was not made for mortals. And it came to you through no fault of your own,” the Dream Lord continued.

Everything faded to white once more.

“So, no, John. I will not kill you.”

Morpheus had brought him back to the asylum. He used his powers to render John unconscious; putting him back in his bed at the hospital.

“Sleep well, John.” Dream murmured, leaving John asleep in his room.

---

Now back at the diner, the ravens and Dream Lord stood watching the fire and debris. The flames seemed to glow brighter in the dark night sky.

Lee kept close to Dream, realizing he was right about staying outside. If it was this bad out here, how bad must it have been inside?

And while she may not have been there, she could feel Morpheus during the confrontation with John. They were connected, and she had felt his pain. While he was okay now, it had left her unsettled.

“All the damage the ruby did, can you undo it?” Matthew asked.

“The ruby didn’t do this. John merely used it to reveal wounds that were hidden, but never healed. Tomorrow, the rebuilding will begin. In this realm and in mine.” Morpheus explained. “But tonight at least… humanity will sleep in peace.”

“Dream?”

He glanced down at Lee.

“I just wanted to say I’m glad you’re okay…” she muttered, ironically feeling tired at the moment from the adventure they’d been on so far.

He nodded, trying to ignore the concern he felt when he saw her tired eyes. After a conflicted moment, Dream held out his arm.

At first, Lee simply stared, unsure what he meant. Her eyes widened in realization and she hopped up, grateful he allowed her to perch on his arm.

“Thanks.” If she could’ve smiled, she would’ve.

“We’re leaving,” he stated as he began to walk away from the scene.

Matthew stood still for a second, almost in shock at the fact the Dream Lord showed a softer side. He quickly caught up and followed, unaware of the figure behind them in the distance.

“I’m watching you… big brother.” They smiled mischievously and laughed, their golden eyes almost appeared to glow.

[powerosewaterpuff]

Dean and Sam AU with a bigger age gap between the brothers

Warning, if you are a freak wincest shipper get away from me and this blog I do not want you here and I never will! Bye!

  anyways these are a few headcanons that came into my head instead of studying for my midterm which is a common theme. once again they are brothers and they also have a poignant parent-child relationship but in this little AU they have a bigger age gap like 7 years in-between them. anyways heres some random ideas enjoy and yes the grammar is awful its alright 

     dean remembers when his father backhanded him when he was 15, he had done it so many times before that dean didn't even react, not even a flinch. but sam was watching, sam was fucking watching. john had never hurt dean in front of sam, because dean begged him not to, that sam would not have to see it and dean wouldn't make a single noise and he wouldn't misbehave again. this time john was to blearily drunk out of his mind with tequila running through his veins when he knocked dean to the floor. dean cant look at sam, he cant. he wants to scream out of rage when sam runs over to him and fucking shields him, this tiny little brother, who still has rosy cheeks and tiny arms curled around dean's head pressing him against sams little chest that is heaving in panic. dean was useless, a useless sack of shit who couldnt protect his baby whose trying to protect him from the man looming over them. sam, who has tears running down his face (dean is convinced he’s dying, he has never felt a pressing pain like this in his chest before from the second he saw sam’s eyes glisten with tears), turns to their father and silently stares at him. john moves, ever so slightly and dean snaps out of the shocked haze he was in and grabs sam, pulling him down to his chest and curling around him. he presses his face into sams hair, roughly pressing a kiss to his head trying in his pathetic state to comfort his baby. dean's eyes still turn up and glare at his father. not in front of sam not in front of fucking sam we had a deal and this was not fucking it.

john stumbles back, hastily trudging out of the motel room. they stay in this position, curled around each other, holding on tightly trying to hold the other together in a misaligned attempt to protect. it wasn’t until the growling of the impala began to fade into the distance did sam shift in deans hold. he whispers in this little soft voice that is trying so hard not to cry it makes dean tear up; dean r you ok? do u want ice dee? dean cant stand it, he cant. he scoops sam up and situates him on the bed them kisses both of his cheeks, his slip of a nose and his forehead. he presses his face into sam’s little pudgy stomach and holds him, holds his baby close to him. he wants to say hes fine, the words gurgling in his throat but somehow unable to come out. the only thing able to crawl out his tightening throat was sammy. sammy sammy im so sorry sammy

eventually he pulls away and pushes sam's fringes out of his face and wants to break the lamp to his left when he sees the worry shining so brazenly in sam’s eyes. he whispers that hes okay, that he doesnt have to be scared. dad will never do that to him, do you understand that? its ok sammy. sam possibly looks even MORE distraught and begins babbling abt how hes worried abt dean what if daddy does it to you again dean? does ur cheek hurt u didnt answer me dee, im sorry.

dean pulls his kid up, and stumbles over to the kitchenette to bring a pack of frozen peas that ached when they came into contact with his now swollen bruise. he presses another kiss to sams thankfully untouched cheek. he keeps reassuring sam, that dean is fine his cheek is fine, everything is okay. do u know why im okay sammy? bc ur here with me. I have my little buddy here and thats all I need, isnt it. but sammy, sweetheart, if daddy ever does this to you and im not here, you tell me? do u understand me bud? you have to tell me. sam huffs asking why its ok for dean to get hit but its a big deal if he does. dean scoffs softly, (sam doesnt know the extent dean would kill himself for him.)

dean mumbles that sam is like a little angel and sam rolls his eyes but dean urges him to listen. he says the day sam was born it was to bless dean with an angel, and now he has it and his job is to protect this little angel. sam doesnt believe him for one minute but feels so so warm and protected with dean speaking to him like this, softly without a hint of teasing but all this honey tenderness that felt like it had sam cocooned in its eternal glow. sam leans forward gently, and gave the most gentle kiss to deans bruised cheek and said dean always does that when he gets hurt. dean cant help but cuddle closer to his brother while he scoots onto the counter, curling his whole body around sam, and not for the first time wishing he could just hide him in his aortas and vena cava's so nothing could hurt him.

dean cheers like crazy at sammy's soccer games. he cant help it bc look at his fucking boy go! sam has always been fast, able to out run and flip through anything. he’s the smallest one on the soccer team but he weaves and ducks through everyone, scoring three goals consecutively and absolutely pissing everyone off. dean would whoop and cheer while sammy danced around after scoring a goal. that’s my boy did you see my boy?

when sam was around 3 and dean was 10, sam became obsessed with sumo wrestling bc it was the only thing playing on the sports channel at 12 am and sam thought it was the absolutely coolest thing he had ever witnessed in his three years of living. he would beg and prod at dean to wrestle with him and dean took it as an opportunity to show his little brother a little well needed big brother humility. dean never lets sam win, he doesnt want it to go to his head! it becomes an ironic ritual even when sam is 10 and dean is 17 and their wrestling on the ratty couch of their rented apartment, or when sam is 12 and dean is 19 with sam pouncing on deans back and declaring a sumo wrestle in which dean calls him a little goddamn cheater and they wrestle throughout bobby's living room. it wans and ebbs and flows throughout the years but once a sumo wrestle was declared one cannot back down.

they were always very cuddly growing up. deans chick flick shit really only applied to others, not exactly sammy (no matter how much dean insisted upon it). when sammy was a baby all dean wanted to do was cuddle and coo at how cute sam was, to just feel his warmth like a soft quilt on his own small chest. a lot of times in motels they had to sleep on the same bed, which always ended up in their limbs tangled together in a warbled mess sam becoming dean and dean becoming sam. an endless continuum of a person split in two yet somehow still a conjoined whole. an infinity sign. two loops forever intertwined by a single crossing that could thin and stretch but was forever unbreakable. touch was always a crucial part of their brotherly relationship as children, a critical reassurance of existence. sam’s baby hand curled around firmly in deans own. dean sprinkling sam’s face in kisses, his little nose and on his eyes lids, on top of his downy hair and over his brow then twice on each cheek, each rose coloured cherub cheek that made dean want to cry bc that was his baby (dean was sams motherfatherbrother after all). he would tickle sammys armpits and press kisses into his cheeks while sam giggled and laughed. im going to eat these cheeks, im gonna eat it im gonna eat it! deanieee deannn! the world could rise and set, but dean was happy.

dean remembers the time they got kidnapped by a cultist group when they were younger. dean--a wild bull of an 18 year old and sam a little 11-12 year old and he’s too young and too small and dean hates his father for doing this to them sometimes, for doing this to sam. 

they approach sam and dean is screaming his voice hoarse, because they cannot touch his brother, dean would rather fucking die, he takes the beatings but firmly stays in front of sam, crawling back when he is thrown against the wall, bc that fear in his brothers eyes is so much worse than the broken ribs grating from the inside of his chest. that fear has him in a chokehold bc if his brother isnt okay then dean isnt okay and his brother has to be okay. if he isnt okay then what is the worth of being okay, what is the worth of fucking being if sam isnt okay. john manages to reach them and dean is barely breathing but he sees a bruises forming on sam and he feels like crying, hes in the back, deliriously slurring that sam needs to be taken care of while their father grips the wheel, jaw locked with eyes numbingly focused on the road. sam is quietly crying and reassuring him that HE is okay but dean isnt and dean needs the help, then dean murmurs that sam is bruised, that his little baby brother is bruised and he needs an icepack, that sammy, kiddo, please dont cry, you know how much it hurts me when you cry. 

dean, with shaky arms that arent quite working pulls his brother into a hug, trying to soothe him while he coughs up blood and sam begins to get into hysterics and john just keeps driving and driving.

john leaves them at bobby’s, and bobby whose face goes pale and feels the irresistible urge to lunge forward and snuff the life out of john winchester’s lungs. to watch that fucking man feel the suffocating hell that he feels when he sees dean keeping his brother close, insisting that bobby check him first, that he will not get checked if sam isn’t. 

bobby tries his fucking best to reason with dean but even through delusional and delirious pain he is insisting with this dazed but somehow steely gleam in his gaze that sam needs to be taken care of first. sam even tries to reason but dean shushes him quietly, running a battered hand through his unruly hair and keeps his eyes on bobby who rues the day he got to know the winchesters. he comes back with a few icepacks and band-aids galore for sam who insists he can do it on his own. dean visibly relaxes, tension releasing ever so slightly from his shoulders and finally lets bobby help him but his eyes are focused on sam, quietly and hoarsely instructing him on how to place the icepack properly, that he needs to wipe that cut with alcohol. at one point he tries (fails) to get up to help sam apply to alcohol but bobby pushes him firmly back against the bed, and sam considers leaving the room so dean doesnt have to focus on him. dean practically yelps a hoarse no, that he'll shut the fuck up fine but sammy please stay in the room ok? sam huffs but nods. jaw tight and eyes drilling holes into the wooden floor beneath him.

when dean is bandaged and laying down in the bed, he stretches a hand out, waving for sam to come over when he sees sammy’s little head pop into the room. sam approaches the bed gingerly, a vengeful anger at those people that hurt his brother searing his eyes. dean insists on sitting up despite the needless and stupid protests from sam, letting his tightly wrapped hand cup his little brothers face decorated with little band-aids. dean pulls his brother into a half hug, with sams forehead pressed against his chest. sam snakes his arms around his brother, gently as to not agitate the wounds. sam doesnt even realize until a few seconds into the hug that dean is shaking, his head shoots up fearing the worst but deans face is twisted in rueful disdain, regret and anger. he places a kiss onto sams springy curls, whispering that if this happens again, do not argue with dean abt getting taken care of first. sam’s chest puffs up and he spits out in an incredulous tone that what dean just said was the stupidest thing he’s ever heard. dean does not rise to the bait, simply stating that this will not happen again, but if it does, sam gets help first for himself and there is no debate. do you understand sammy? no fucking debate.

sam stays quiet, and dean doesnt push for an answer, just holds him brother to him as he reassures himself that he’s alivealivealive and life is still worth living. next day, dean hovers around sam even though he needs rest but what he thinks he needs is reassurance that his brother is ok, alive and well. sam keeps trying to tell him that hes fine but dean just shakes his head and quietly watches him. john comes back in five days and says its time to go, bobby raises hell but its hard to raise hell against a man who thrived in it. john just tells his boys to get in the back of the impala and that they were going, okay? sam wants to argue and fire is swirling in his tongue, dean gives a yessir and tells sam to go grab deans stuff from upstairs. the look dean gives him is undebatable, one that means sam has to stand down, for dean. once they sit in the back of the impala, their dad says in this quiet voice that sam does not like one bit that they are going to stay in north carolina for a while so get comfortable. dean grabs an old blanket from bellow his seat and wraps it around sam wordlessly, pulling him closer to dean. he asks if sam wants some music to sleep. sam, who just wants to light this stupid impala on fire and watch this life he hates burn into the ashes of the night, nods. he nods and curls up next to dean who places the old headphones on his head attached to the beat up barely working walkman that can only play a loop of three songs. everybody wants to rule the world by tears for fear. africa by toto. and black dog by led zeppelin. sam starts to fall asleep to everybody wants to rule to world with dean turning up the volume while john works up a rabid rant abt the stupidity of their misstep in getting caught. dean can take it, he would prefer sam stay peacefully sleeping for this part though.

sometimes - no all the time, sam is the only thing that keeps dean going. when hes tired down to the essence of his bones, sam will walk in from school, and gush over a book he was reading or insistent they play basketball out in the courtyard bc jeremy showed me some moves i can fucking beat you dean! or when sammy was so little and young and used to give deans drawings and sloppily made bracelets with tight hugs and a whisper of how much he loved dean. he once told dean when he was five and dean was around 12 that he didnt need john, not as long as he had dean. dean gave him a pat and a big smile but cried himself hoarse in the bathroom after that, then came out and saw sam sleepily trying to keep his eyes open whilst reading a childrens book and crushed him into a hug. 

when sam openly with no conditions or accusations told him that he loved dean, that dean was the best big brother in the world, dean knew that only sam could ever love him unconditionally, that sam deserved everything in this world and he would ensure that sam had everything he could have even if he wanted to keep him close to his chest at all times. sammy doesnt complain and dean hates it, he hates that sammy isnt complaining abt the shit he has to go through. when they get older and sammy does start to bitch and complain its never towards dean, its always towards their father. sammy could be a little pain in the ass, complaining abt mundane shit like fucking boredom and how he deserved to go on hunts or how hunts were awful whatever he decided that day or year). but never once did he complain abt the food he had to eat, or the clothing he had to wear or the shoes that were tearing at the seams. sam would always thank dean, even if the only thing he had breakfast lunch and dinner was fucking coco puffs. 

dean would then take matters into his own hands (he had always been a natural pickpocket) and would watch as sam got proper food the next day. he didnt care that his stomach was aching from the hunger, it would just have to be satisfied with sammy being able to stay healthy. sam would quietly say that dean should eat too, and when dean started to spill out hastily made fucking lies sam would start to beg that dean eat, dean assured him that he'll eat after dont worry sammy. (sam intentionally left stuff on his plate bc dean would not go get smth to eat and he knew dean ate sams leftovers). dean continues to make sure sammy survives, but he worries. he worries so much because dad didnt leave enough money and the motel doesnt have heating and sammy is so skinny, so fucking skinny that the wind would blow him over if he stood outside too long enough. they dont have money for haircuts so dean will always do sammy's hair, and sam did whine and moan and they’d get into little petty fights bc you cut too much u ass, but sam would always thank dean at the end of it, giving his brothe hug. sam didnt know what dean would do so that sam would just happily hug him like that for the rest of his days, the things dean would endure if that was what he had to do to gain that.

(Again this is just a random smattering of headcanons i wrote late at night with nothing better to do so enjoy! I’m arab and I tend to project our family customs and affection habits onto others. we are incredibly affectionate with family with constant touch and words of reassurance being prominent so i tried to show that with the boys here esp bc they have a bigger age gap meaning dean feels even more like a parent. this is NOT gencest or wincest or incest they are brothers. point blank do not argue with me. just bc u ppl arent used to close family dynamics where love is affectionate and that affection not weird and disgusting doesnt mean the rest of us are like that. on a lighter note again the grammar is ass idc this isnt one of my uni essays)

[catharsis-in-a-bottle]

thoughts on The Sandman (2022)

oh, you knew this post was coming. i haven't done a bullet-list-non-chronological-thought-post in a LONG time. so here i go! my thoughts on the sandman show, in no particular order.

(BEWARE: i have not yet read the comics, but now i intend to!!!)

first of all, i have not been so ENRAPTURED by anything in a long time. i binged watched for the first time with this show - i did NOT want to stop, and therefore made the poor decision to stay up until 5 in the morning - but it was worth it, i think, to have all the characters begin their lives in my head in one night.

let's talk about some characters, shall we? MORPHEUS! Dream of the Endless! (isn't that a badass name?) King of Dreams! i wanted him to smile so badly the entire time, and when he did - when he gave those tiny smirks around Death, and Hob, and i think some others - it truly paid off. an endless being who dresses in all black (rather like. neil gaiman) and speaks dramatically and never not once raises his voice... SO interesting, i want his outfits, etc.

the second one living rent-free in my various neural cortexes: THE CORINTHIAN! mainly because he's gay and looks cool, but we can go deeper than that. a nightmare personified! a nightmare who wants to be seen as something he is not - as a human! is that not THE queer metaphor? a nightmare who fears his destruction and whose creator says he was not made well? godDAMN!! also i want his outfits, etc, okay let's move on:

DEATH and DESIRE. death as an absolutely beautiful ray of sunshine giving comfort to the departed; desire as. as. a hot deceiver. what more can i say. death is wonderful and creates the BEST support for dream - she is the balance to his emo, you might say - and desire is just, you know, mason alexander park lol *dies on the spot*

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR. is the lord of hell, and is very tall, and wears a leather jacket, and has an appetite for destruction. what more, pray tell, can i say. alright let's move on from characters because i want to talk about:

24/7. 24 fucking 7. the one that the comic fans, i have heard - and neil gaiman himself, for that matter - consider to be the darkest comic. and i've seen several of you say that the comic is darker than the SHOW, which is - astounding, considering i thought this episode was better than any horror movie i've ever watched. and it started off so innocently! i didn't know what to expect going in, and that made it SO MUCH WORSE when i understood what was happening. i think the moment where i just though 'yuck' and never stopped thinking 'yuck' was the "i fuck your son"; i literally just said "WHAT." and left my jaw hanging open for the entire rest of the episode. that is not a hyperbole - my mouth was open the entire fucking time. this is the world's darkest win for gay people, i guess. when everyone started going at it, i assumed the horror had stopped there - that the revelation of the truth led to new relationships, the ones that everyone actually wanted - BUT NO!!!!!! JOHN MCFUCKING DEE DID NOT STOP THERE!!!!! the idea that the revelation of our true desires leads to just... mass suicide in a diner, homicide, etc........ jesus fucking christ i LOVED that episode it slapped the shit out of my brain. i don't even know what that MEANS

anyway! *i brush the nonexistent dust off my shoulders* let's...... move on from that. i need to relisten to the soundtrack if i want to do any musical analysis, because let's face it, i was awake during the witching hours and i was NOT paying attention to those chord progressions. however, i DO remember that the music kept me engaged and fit very well with what was happening, so there's that.

this show also just, uh, slapped the shit out of my brain in ways i truly did not expect. because some of the moments were just so feel-good! the hob and dream sequence!!! (they're totally gay!) death!! rose and jed!!! and then there were just moments of - oh my god, the corinthian is taking jed into a serial killer convention. he's taking the 12 year old into a serial killer convention. jed's abuse at the hands of barnaby was also just one continuous 'YUCK' feeling; like, god, they really pulled that off didn't they. lyta's desire to leave the waking world to live with her husband in the dreaming.... her husband as a ghost in a place he is not supposed to be.... that is QUITE an exploration of grief, isn't it!! i'm going insane

three words: GREGORY THE GARGOYLE

i really love the juxtaposition of the endless and all the strange beings / creatures they encounter next to Humans Just Trying To Human. rose walker did not want ANY of this shit - she just wants to find her brother, maybe destroy part of the foster care system, have a nice apartment, etc. and then she meets dream of the endless, around whom you could not possibly act entirely human. john dee and johanna constantine truly feel like the in-between of "humans trying to human"; john dee has made himself into something not entirely human and is trying to put himself on-par with Dream, and johanna constantine is confidently facing demons. otherwise we have the endless, and dreams, and normal people. actually i suppose the corinthian is also one of the in-between - a nightmare who wants to exist as a human in the waking world, doing human things like Fucking That Girl's Housesitter

stephen fry was excellent as always. love when he gets to play an Extra British Man

let's talk about the queerness. i know this comic was queer from the beginning, and i cannot WAIT to experience that. i think there is a very subtle difference - a difference that we easily mistake, all the time - between queer characters added as tokens for representation, and queer characters added because the writers know and understand that queer people are a normal part of life. we may ask: is the queerness central to the plot? and in both these cases, the answer may be no; but one answers 'no' because the writers view the queerness as expendable or as a currency, and the other answers 'no' because the writers understand that queerness may be integrated into the story without being the story, that queerness is a fact of life. and i think we all know which one sandman is, and i deeply appreciate neil gaiman and everyone who worked on this show for that; it seems neil's been with us from the beginning, and learning along the way.

and with that, i will conclude this post. i love this show so much, and i cannot wait to get my greedy little hands on the comics.

[polikszena]

For the Top Gun song association game: Don't Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John and Kiki Dee

Top Gun song association meme

To be honest, I've cheated with this one, because it's about the first Top Gun movie, and it reminded me of not one, but two aviators. However, when I listened to the song, this was the first thing coming to my mind, so here's

Don't Go Breaking My Heart (aka. Top Gun: The Musical)

“Are you ready?” Pete “Maverick” Mitchell asked, putting the empty glass on the table.

“Can you ever be ready for this?” Nick “Goose” Bradshaw wondered.

“To make a fool of yourself? You're always ready for that.”

“Don’t mistake me for yourself,” Goose said, knowing he wouldn’t be more ready than this. Perhaps he could wait for the song to finish on the jukebox. It was something by The Rolling Stones – a good song. He wiped his sweaty palms in his jeans and leaned back in his chair. Oh yes, he would wait until the song ended.

Maverick, however, didn’t have the same opinion. He got up from the table, walked to the jukebox and simply unplugged it. Then I guess, I won’t, Goose thought, and with a sigh, he got up as well. Every head turned towards the young, dark-haired aviator, standing by the now silent jukebox. Including that blonde girl wiping glasses behind the bar. Carole. A smile touched her lips, because she knew something was coming. Taking advantage of everyone else looking at his friend, Goose could go to the piano unnoticed. They only realized he was there when he began to play. His hands trembled as he hit the first keys and his voice might have sounded feebler than usual when he started it, but that was the first time he had done anything like this. Or at least for himself.

“Don’t go breaking my heart,” he sang, looking directly at the blonde girl behind the bar.

“She couldn’t if she tried,” Maverick joined in, altering the lyrics wherever it was necessary.

“Oh honey, if I get restless,” Goose continued.

“Baby, you’re not that kind,” Maverick replied, walking to the piano.

A laughter escaped the blonde girl’s mouth as she was watching the two friends putting on this whole show in the bar. She didn’t laugh because it was funny - it was rather adorable, and it was all for her. She had seen and heard serenading pilots before, but it was mostly at night, when they were already pretty drunk, and not four o’clock in the afternoon when there were only a few people at the bar. And it was never for her. To be honest, if she had got a serenade from anyone else but these two men, she would have found it odd, and even scary, while watching Goose playing the piano and Maverick singing with him made her smile so much that her face began to hurt. She didn’t mind it, though, not at all.

“So don’t misunderstand me,” Goose continued, looking at her again.

“You put the light in his life,” Maverick sang, now pointing at her to make it clear for everybody who the song was about.

“Oh, you put the spark to the flame…”

“He got your heart in his sight!”

She met the two young pilots the first day they set foot in the bar. There was Maverick, the dark-haired one with a million-watt smile, but Carole only saw his friend: the Weapon System Operator, the one with the messy, light brown hair, the weird little mustache and his goofy smile under it. Goose. She remembered that he carried his camera with him and took some photos in the bar. He told her that sometimes he took it with him to the flights. He had Carole’s heart from that day, but nobody knew it, because she didn’t want to get burned. First she wanted to know if he felt the same, and now she had the answer.

“Woo-hoo, nobody knows it,” Goose sang, and Maverick joined with the background vocals (Nobody kno-ows), when Carloe took a deep breath and began to sing:

“Right from the start,I gave you my heart…”

Her joining the song surprised everyone, especially Goose, who got so struck by her answer that he stopped playing. Maverick finished the song, sounding completely off-key without the help of the piano, but no-one minded it, because everyone was watching Carole, who put the tea towel down, ran to the young man at the piano and kissed him on the lips just to make sure he got the message. And then Goose, while the whole bar was cheering for them, pulled her into his lap, returning the kiss.

Oh-oh, she gave him her heart.

[houseofdabs]

roadkill driver

"i made a playlist for Lester and i wanted to write about it bc i love country music:)

(i know a lot of people dont like to listen to country, especially old country, so ill try to write the general tone of each song with it)

--------------------------------------------------

lester is a hard worker, sanitation jobs are hard and he's out in fucking louisiana haulin deer and shit, who knows if he's even getting paid for it, and even if he does it's probably close to pennies

most of the songs are about how he's constantly working for little to nothing in return, he has no control in his life.

1) Sixteen Tons (Tennessee Ernie Ford): no matter what he does he'll always be stuck, he's tied an obligation and has no will

"Some people say a man is made outta mud A poor man's made outta muscle and blood Muscle and blood and skin and bones A mind that's a-weak and a back that's strong"

2) 9 to 5 (Dolly Parton): Lester is optimistic, it wavers though with each day when he realizes there's no real way of getting out of any of this.

"They got you where they want you There's a better life And you dream about it, don't you?"

3) A Working Man Can't Get Nowhere Today (Merle Haggard): More of Lester being stuck and it's worse with the weight of his brothers. He works hard and has nothing to show for it, it's one viscous cycle

"Tryin' to keep my family fed, I keep my budget tight Tryin' to keep myself ahead but I'd still be dee in debt The day that I fall dead, that's why I say Lord, a working man can't get nowhere today"

with the business of ambrose comes anxiety and puts a strain on his relationship with his brothers, he's filled with doubt and guilt. his actions contradict his morals and beliefs but he's at a crossroads due to his relationship with his brothers.

4) Lost Highway (Hank Williams): Lester knows what he's doing is wrong but he's so deep in there's no hope for him, he reflects on how he got to this point and wishes that somehow he could have avoided it.

"I was just a lad, nearly 22 Neither good nor bad, just a kid like you And now I'm lost, too late to pray Lord, I take a cost, oh the lost highway"

5)I Just Don't Like This Kind Of Living (Hank Williams): Despite doing all he can for his loved one he's treated terrible by them, he puts all he can into supporting them and gets nothing in return. They're selfish and hateful and each interaction has that tiny voice in Lester's head telling him to leave get a little louder

"I just don't like the things you're doin' Your evil heart will be your ruin When things start runnin' smooth and free You haul right off and you pick on me And I just don't like this kind of livin'"

6) I Hung My Head (Johnny Cash): Lester projects "my brothers gun" as Bo and Vincent wrangling them into their business, he doesn't kill the men, his brothers do, but he's just as guilty.

"I felt the power of death over life I orphaned his children, I widowed his wife I begged their forgiveness, I wish I was dead"

7) Your Flag Decal Won't Get You Into Heaven (John Prine): He was raised religious and because of this he can't help but feel the fear of paying for this when he finally gets the chance to rest, he won't be able to absolve himself of this sin.

"Now Jesus don't like killin' No matter what the reason's for, And your flag decal won't get you Into Heaven any more."

8) Folsom City Blues (Johnny Cash): Lester knows that if they get caught it's bad news, but also views his family home in Ambrose as a prison and stays far from it. Even though he's "free" he's still tied down.

"Well, If They Freed Me From This Prison, If That Railroad Train Was Mine, I Bet I'd Move On Over A Little Farther Down The Line, Far From Folsom Prison, That's Where I Want To Stay,"

9) The Master's Call (Marty Robbins): Here comes his religious trauma, he's rattled with the idea of damnation or "serious" punishment. He does think of higher powers and considers the whole worship, it having been so engrained in him, but it still scares him the same.

"I felt the end was near, that death would be the price When a mighty bolt of lightning showed the face of Jesus Christ And I cried oh Lord forgive me, don't let it happen now I want to live for you alone, Oh God these words I vow

My wicked past unfolded, I thought of wasted years"

10) Creeker (Tyler Childers): Lester doesn't go far from Ambrose, it's all he knows, but he craves freedom and normalcy. He feels lonely and hates the town, he thinks about his situation and it makes him angry. His brothers put him in this and now he's suck, he just wants gone but everywhere he goes he'll be alone, but even with his own kin he's a stranger.

"And for everyone you meet there's a whole mess of people Tryin' like hell to pull you on down To the level they're on and the trouble they're tendin' In the mess that they've made, in the gutter they found

And he'd rather be dead Than alive one more minute In this godforsaken town When he was a kid Lord, he'd never have dreamt it All the ways that the city can bring a country boy down"

he spends a lot of time with nature; his job as a roadkill driver and just his affinity for animals has him constantly interacting with wildlife, he's definitely not using it as a way to compensate for the lack of love from his brothers. he's a lonely guy and if there's no one around well you make with what you have and fill your house with critters you find at you job:)

11) Old Red (Marty Robbins): A story about a bull that couldn't be tamed, definitely not representing Bo or anything. A cowboy who had never been thrown stepped up to break him but in the middle of it Old Red crushes the cowboy and kills himself in the process. Lester tries to sway Bo but knows one day his brother might treat him the same as the tourists.

"Old Red lay still, no more would he move The cowboys that seen it could tell In tryin' to throw Billy off of his back Old Red broke his neck when he fell"

12) The Strawberry Roan (Marty Robbins): Yes another Lester comparing Bo to a Bull, if there's anyone with the balls to step to Bo it's Lester but he knows that it gets him nowhere. He knows that if it weren't for his other brother, Bo would be alone because no one but people he's forced to stay would be able to.

"I'll bet all my money, the man ain't alive That'll stay with old strawberry When he makes his high dive"

13) My Love (Marty Robbins): My man just loves nature and everything in it. You can find beauty in everything and comfort in nothingness, nature has so much to offer and Lester is taking in everything.

"The call of the night bird I love every trill There's peace and contentment When everything's still"

14) The Bend in the River (Marty Robbins): He loves traveling and he knows every nook and cranny of the wildlife around him, he's familiar with every trail and ever creek and knows the trees. He wants to travel beyond it, he want love and freedom, but it's not coming anytime soon.

"In the cottonwood by the river A mourning dove calls his mate He has true love to give her But love for me must wait."

15) Man Walks Among Us (Marty Robbins): Lester loves animals and with the amount of nature around him the wildlife is active. He's respectful of their spaces and homes, only passing through to check up on or sneak a peak of some of them. It's what he loves the most, the boondocks are something he feels is his place, and will never leave it if he can.

"Twenty feet high in the side of a cactus I see a hole where the butcher bird stays If mortals could choose, and if heaven should ask us Here's where I'd want to spend all of my days"

16) Sam (Sturgill Simpson): Loves him a good companion, used to have a dog of his own when he first moved to Ambrose who's momma had got by a rattlesnake and Lester managed to save the pup. He was glued to Lester's side and accompanied him everywhere but one day got out and in the middle of an altercation with Bo and a visitor.

"He was a hound of hounds He was the wonder of all walkers He loved howlin' at the moon He loved treein' that raccoon Most of all, he was my best friend And he's gone too soon"

Lester is proud of himself, he's a made man and has a job and his own house. He sees the silver lining of being independent and holds his head high because of his accomplishments. He's a grown man who can come and go and do as he pleases, no one can tell him nothing. Sometimes he wishes that he didn't have to give up his life for this.

17) A Hundred And Sixty Acres (Marty Robbins): His home is simple and he works hard for what he has, he's proud to say he earned his keep while Bo and Vincent simply inherited theirs. He has his own house and he's his own man.

"Up at dawn to greet the sun I've forgotten what a care or worry means Head for home when day is done With my pocket money jinglin' in my jeans. I've got a hundred and sixty acres full of sunshine Got a hundred and sixty million stars above Got an old paint hoss, I'm the guy who's boss On the hundred and sixty acres that I love!"

18) Doggone Cowboy (Marty Robbins): Romanticizing stuff helps and boy does Lester do it, he views his loneliness as independence and knows that he'll likely be this way his whole life and he's accepted it.

"When I get done at night all the stars are big and bright But then that's sorta what you're used to when you

Throw that rope and brand that calf dream of a girl in a photograph I got no home I got no wife but I'll be a doggone cowboy all of my life"

19) Running Gun (Marty Robbins): Lester craves a normal life but every chance he gets at it he is pulled back to the reality of his predicament. He knows with what he does that one day he won't be able to get out of it without something bad happening. His chance of something else could be taken and every night he thinks about it.

"I had barely left the saddle and my foot just touched the ground When a cold voice from the shadows told me not to turn around Said he new about my fast gun, new the price paid by the law Challenged by a bounty hunter, so I turned around to draw"

It get's lonely and Lester yearns for normalcy. He wants to settle down, have someone he can just be with. He does date around if he can but it never gets past anymore than a few dates because he can't bring them home for reasons. It builds up and Lester despises his brothers sometimes for taking that away from him, he mourns his freedom, love, himself, and dreams of what could be.

20) Country Squire (Tyler Childers): Wants a wife and a humble way of living, wants to build a life with someone he loves. He wants a partner, he just wants to stop being lonely.

"I was up for hours this mornin' Pullin' traps 'fore I said goodbye I plan to tan myself a fox hide And hang it on my darlin' bride

'Cause they tell me that it's gonna be a big one And the snow is settin' in And I don't want her cold while I ain't at home The way that I've been"

21) Ever Lovin' Hand (Tyler Childers): Lester has a lot of distanced relationships because of the whole wax town thing, he often isn't allowed much more than a few dates and some bedroom stuff, it's never strung out for long. So often even when he's with someone he's not really with them.

"It gets so hard out on the road But I go it alone 'cause I'm your man I have got you on my mind And my ever lovin' hand

For a moment, you were here The moment passed and you were gone Leavin' me to clean the mess That you clearly helped to cause"

22) All Your'n (Tyler Childers): He's very giving when he's with someone and he yearns to be able to fully give himself to someone. Often thinking about someone and he's smitten fast, worships his partner and dotes on them in the ways he can.

"The goddess in my Days Inn pen The muse I ain't refusing The part of me that ain't around I'm always talking to"

23) Pay No Rent (Turnpike Troubadours): Craves time with people and is the type to stay up late with people, hates when things are cut short so he tries to drag them out. Could never make someone feel that they'd have to work or earn his attention and makes it known, doesn't understand how he could ever get a good situation if he tried but somehow luck manages to get on his side at times.

"Are you cracking jokes with the common folks? Are you serving to the well-to-do? Well I traveled round and I ain't found nobody quite like you And is all this living meant to be or a happy accident?"

24) Gemini (Tyler Childers): He's lost and has been for a while but he's still trying, part of him wants to settle part of him wants to roam, he's scattered. He knows that maybe when he gets out he'll never be back but he can't seem to care, he allows himself to think about being selfish.

"The road goes on forever, the part it will tend To run forever if ya never let it end I got a part of me that's wonderin' when I'll finally kick the urge to roam"

25) Honky Tonkin' (Hank Williams): Easy going and fun is Lester, his only chance at something is outside of Ambrose and he makes the most of it when he can. He's popular at places he frequents and often finds someone to partner with.

"We're goin' to the city, to the city fair If you go to the city baby, you will find me there And we'll go honky tonkin', honky tonkin' Honky tonkin', honey baby We'll go honky tonkin' 'round this town"

26) Red River Valley (Marty Robbins): Loss is inevitable and Lester knows that, he wishes he could leave with them. With them it's not only the loss of the person but so many opportunities, he can only hope to live in their memories.

"Then come sit by my side if you love me Do not hasten to bid me adieu Just remember the Red River Valley And the cowboy that's loved you so true"

27) In The Valley (Marty Robbins): Lester has such a fear of abandonment, he laments for what he could have and pines for what he did have.

"I will weep like the willow That weeps in the valley, I'll be lonesome until you return"

28) Tennessee Waltz (Roy Acuff): Blames Bo and Vincent for his loneliness, he's lost everything to them and is reminded of it often.

"I remember the night and the Tennessee Waltz Now I know just how much I have lost Yes, I lost my little darlin' the night they were playing The beautiful Tennessee Waltz"

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

Don’t Go Breaking My Heart | Charlie Gillespie

Requested by anonymous: Hi! Could you possibly do a Charlie x reader fic where they are filming season 2 & there is a new character (fashion expert/can see ghost/a little bit of enemies with Luke at first) but off screen they are very close (always hanging out/on ig posts & stories/dance partners/they sing karaoke/adventure) & the whole cast likes to tease them about it but they deny any feelings however they are about to film a very important scene that involves their characters & might change everything between them.

Pairing: Charlie Gillespie x reader

Warnings: fluff

Words: 2,789

Season 2. Finally Season 2. Everyone had been hoping, wishing, praying for a season 2 of Julie and The Phantoms, and after months of waiting, Netflix finally picked it up for a second season. After those months, the actors had just to wait a little while longer while the crew wrote up the first drafts of scripts and made it perfectly save for the actors to do their work. Once all of that’s ready and they’re good to go, the cast finally reunite again in Vancouver. They even meet some new cast members. Like you. You had auditioned for the role of Daniela Ramos, Julie’s cousin and Victoria’s daughter, and got it pretty much straight away. Daniela is a fashion student at a High School in Melrose Hill and Julie asks her for some help with costumes for her next gig with her band. To Julie’s surprise, Daniela can actually see the boys, even when they’re not playing, which causes for a lot of trouble in the band and family, especially between Julie and Luke. This is your first big role on the small screen and you’re the most excited you’ve ever been. You met the other cast members at the summer bootcamp before the filming process would start, and though almost everything had to be done with a face mask covering half of everyone’s face, it still was a lot of fun getting to meet everyone and spend the most fun summer ever. Every day, you grew closer and closer to everyone on set, and soon became best friends with Madi, Jadah, Savannah and Tori, doing plenty of sleepovers. Besides the girls, you also grew closer to Charlie, Owen and Jeremy, but mostly Charlie. For some reason, the two of you just clicked instantly. You have the same humor, the same taste of adventure, the same passions and dreams. You, Charlie and Owen even rented a place together to live in for the time being in Vancouver. You got even closer during filming, especially since you and Charlie have a lot of scenes together. “Oh my God, Luke, you’re so annoying!” you yell at him when the two of you are in the garage, taping a scene. It had taken you about ten takes and you still couldn’t help but giggle at the shocked face he pulled every time. “If I’m so annoying, Dani, why do you keep coming back?!” The angry face he pulls resembles that of an angry kitten, which just makes you crack up again. “God dammit, Y/N!” Charlie laughs now too as Kenny yells “Cut!” “Sorry! Sorry, guys! I promise I’m a real actor!” You hold your hands up in defense, then cough to get ready for another take. This time around, you could finally manage to get through it without laughing. “Yes!” Charlie exclaims when Kenny yells “Cut!” again. He holds his hand up for a high five, which you giddily give him. “Do you need any more takes, Kenny?” he asks the man himself. “Nope, you’re good! You can go on your break now!” he pats Charlie’s shoulder. “Nice job, guys!” “Thanks, Kenny,” you say, the smile growing on your face. “I need food, Gillespie,” you tell your best friend, linking your arm with his. “Let’s go get food!” The two of you head down to catering and sit down at a table with a plate full of food. “What are we doing tonight?” he then asks before taking a bite of food. You swallow your bite of food and take a sip from your drink. “Don’t you have a night shoot tonight?” you ask, remembering him saying something about a late call. “No, that’s tomorrow, after our dance rehearsal,” he replies after swallowing the food. “Oh! Okay!” You start thinking of things to do, “We could go to karaoke? Bring the others maybe?” He raises his eyebrows, looking at you questionably. “I’ve always loved karaoke,” you shrug with a giggle. “Yeah, okay!” Charlie nods his head agreeingly. “Karaoke it is!” The two of you smile up at each other, teeth showing, both of you glowing. “What are you love birds discussing?” Owen asks when he joins them, his voice muffled from the mask covering his face. He pulls it down to under his chin as he and Jeremy join the two at the table. “We’re thinking about going to karaoke tonight with the whole team!” you tell them, completely ignoring the ‘love birds’. “Ooh, fun!” Owen exclaims with a smile that nearly reaches his ears. “Yeah, we’ll leave after shooting the last scene tonight,” Charlie suggests, looking at you for confirmation. You nod your head agreeingly. That night, you and the rest of the cast head to the nearest karaoke place you know. You’ve linked arms with Savannah and Tori, giggling through the night, trying to keep your balance on your heeled boots. Meanwhile, without you realizing, Charlie has been keeping his eyes on you the whole way there. He finds it adorable how your giggle floats through the night air and your hips bump against the other girls’. He couldn’t lie, you had easily become the light in his life. “So, what song shall we begin with?” you ask the gang as you settle into the booth. “Pick the first one on the list,” Jeremy replies when no one else does. You nod your head curtly and press play on the first song, which is Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi. You can already tell after that first song; tonight is going to be a fun night. You sing a couple of songs with the girls, there are many group numbers, and you even sing one with your roommates. After singing with Owen and Charlie, the latter points at you. “We’re going to sing together now!” he exclaims excitedly before turning around and picking a song for you to sing. When he’s picked one, he grabs your hand to pull you closer towards him. You blink a couple of times, unable to process what’s happening right now. The opening notes to Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John and Kiki Dee chime through the booth. You glance over at Savannah and Tori, who offer you an encouraging smile. Then you look at Jadah and Madison, but they’re too busy giggling and whispering, and it makes you wonder if that’s about you and Charlie. Your eyes dart over to the boys – Jeremy, Owen and Sacha – who just offer you suggestive smiles and eyebrow-wiggles. Charlie’s voice captures your attention again, and you turn to him. “I couldn’t if I tried,” you sing back to him. The encouraging smile on Charlie’s face calms you down a little up to the point where it almost seems like the two of you are the only people in the room. You have no clue what is happening or why it’s happening. All you know is that you’ve wanted it to happen sooner. Though you wouldn’t ever admit that to anyone. It’s the way he looks at you and the way he makes you feel like you’re the only person on this planet that matters. It’s been the way he’d looked at you since that first day of meeting him. “I won't go breaking your heart,” you sing the very last line to him ever so softly, not even looking at the screen anymore, but instead, looking into his eyes. “Don't go breaking my heart,” he sings back. The song ends and you both lower your microphones, staring into each other’s eyes. If it wasn’t for the rest of the cast breaking out into cheers and applause, you would’ve kissed him then and there. But it startles you, and you step away from him upon realizing how close you are and how that must look to the others. “So, when’s the wedding?” Madison asks teasingly, which makes the others laugh, and you blush. After that night at karaoke, the two of you had silently agreed to forget anything ever happened. Savannah said you were in denial, but you believed you weren’t. You told her it was just the atmosphere in the air that night, the both of you had consumed a little bit of alcohol and it might’ve just been that. No one stopped teasing you though. On every possible occasion, they’d ask you if you’d kissed him yet, or when your next date it, or started singing Don’t Go Breaking My Heart randomly. You just shook it off every time, finding it amusing how consumed the cast was with this ‘relationship’ you had with Charlie. There was nothing more going on than just a really, really tight friendship. Until the dance scene happened. Your character, Dani, was supposed to go to a school dance with her crush, but she was nervous because she had never slow danced with anyone before. When she tells Luke, he insisted on teaching her, saying he’d gone to plenty of school dances back in ’94 and ’95 before he died. You and Charlie know this choreography by heart, you’ve been doing it for weeks on end at bootcamp and during rehearsals. It had always just been fun and games, the two of you being immaculate dancers and bouncing off of each other so well because of your tight friendship. “I could teach you?” Charlie says as Luke, stepping closer to you. You raise your eyebrows at him. “I’ve gone to numerous dances in my days, Dani…” One corner of his mouth curls up into a teasing smirk. “Unless you want to embarrass yourself in front of… Jake.” He emphasizes the name of your fictional crush, to which you react with wide eyes and a blush spreading on your cheeks. “Come on, Dani!” He reaches out for your hand, which you place hesitantly in his. Dani being able to see ghosts, is also able to make them corporeal. The lights on set dim a little, except for one spot on the pair in the middle of the studio, and then the music starts playing through the speakers. Charlie starts singing the song they’d learned at bootcamp, one the cast wrote together during the quarantine. The atmosphere in the studio has suddenly become really intense. You can feel the butterflies erupting in your stomach as the man in front of you sings to you, mere inches away from each other as he leads you in this beautiful dance Paul Becker and Tori Caro choreographed for you. Just like at the karaoke booth, it feels like the two of you are the only people on set. Just you and him. You and Charlie. You and your best friend. There’s no denying you have feeling for him anymore. You knew you did, you just told yourself it wasn’t a good idea and suppressed those feelings, pushing them down. It worked for a while. Until now. “Cut!” Kenny yells after your scene. You step away from Charlie, glancing down at the floor as you try your hardest to hide your flustered face. “That was perfect, guys! It really looks like the two of you were in love!” he claps his hands in excitement, then tells them to do it again. After four takes of the dance, Kenny tells you to go and take a break. Without saying another word to Charlie, you rush off set and towards your trailer where you sit down on a chair, trying to calm your breathing. Charlie might not like you the way you like him. Admitting to these feelings might just ruin everything the two of you have. With this in mind, you grab your phone and text Savannah, asking her to come over to your trailer. Maybe she could help you. “Are you okay?” she asks when she enters and finds you staring at the ceiling. “No…” you reply and take a deep breath, “I think I’m in love with my best friend?” “Oh, sweetie…” Savannah sighs, and pulls you up to take you in a hug, “I know…” You pull her away again to face her properly. “What do you mean ‘you know’?” “Everybody knows,” she starts, “The two of you have been inseparable since the day you met, and everyone can see the way you look at each other. Plus, your duet the other night was a little intense for it to be a platonic one.” She chuckles, and you can’t help but chuckle too. She then grabs her phone from her back pocket, opening Instagram. “You know fans have caught on too, right?” She shows you the comments on some of Charlie’s pictures on his account. One picture is of the two of you, napping in Julie’s bed on set, cuddled up. He even posted pictures from your hikes on your days off. All of them are bombarded with comments from fans saying, ‘I ship it!’ or ‘Y/S/N’. Sav then opens her dm’s which are flooded with fans asking if you and Charlie are dating yet, and how the two of them are so in love with each other. “Charlie isn’t in love with me?” you deny, not believing one bit about it. “He is, though…” This does not come from Savannah’s mouth. Your eyes widen when you recognize the voice, and peek behind Savannah to find your best friend standing at your open trailer door. “Sav, can you give us a minute?” he asks the younger girl. “More than a minute,” she chirps, offering you a wink before leaving the trailer. Charlie steps in completely and moves until he’s in front of you. He takes your hands in his, and chuckles at your overwhelmed and confused expression. “Are you okay?” he asks, that beautiful smile of his persistent on his face. “Y—yeah? No? I’m not sure?” you sigh, trying to get your thoughts in order. “Charlie, wha—?” “Can I talk? I’ve been going over this conversation in my mind a billion times, and if I don’t say it now, I think I’m going to forget what I’m supposed to say…” You nod your head in response. “Y/N, I’ve been in love with you since the very first time I saw you walking in at bootcamp. You looked adorable with your little nervous smile and your polite hellos to everybody. I knew from that moment on that I wanted to get to know you better, and that I wanted to become more than just friends…I didn’t think you’d feel the same way, so I told myself that it was okay if we’d just stay friends. Especially since your character kind of hates mine and you bring Dani to life so convincingly, that I was almost sure you hated me too,” you chuckle at that, “But I can’t hide it anymore, Y/N. I am so embarrassingly in love with you that I could’ve kissed you after that scene we just did and that I could kiss you right now even though I’m—” before he can finish his sentence, you lean up and crash your lips onto his, your hands flying into his hair. He’s a little startled at first, but quickly melts into the kiss and presses you closer to him. “I am so embarrassingly in love with you too, Charlie,” you whisper when you pull away, pressing your forehead against his. “They’re going to be so relieved,” you tell him with a chuckle. He frowns his eyebrows at you. “Who?” he asks. You take his hand in yours and lead him towards the door of your trailer, pushing it open and making it bump against whoever was closest to the door. All of your cast mates scramble, trying to act natural while Owen rubs his forehead since he was the one that got a door in his face. “Ah, them!” Charlie chuckles. “Thanks for the door in my face, guys,” Owen says disgruntled. “That’s on you, buddy,” you tell him with a grin. “Don’t you guys have a scene to shoot or something?” Their eyes widen at the realization and, after yelling at the two how happy they are for them, rush to set in a hurry. “So, where were we?” Charlie turns back to you when everyone’s gone. “Don’t you have a scene with them?” “Shit!” he grumbles and jumps off the small steps in front of the trailer. He starts running towards set but turns around almost immediately to you and kisses your lips quickly, but sweetly, and then runs off. You watch him with an amused smile on your face. There was nothing to be afraid about after all and nothing changed between you two. You were still the best of friends, just friends that kiss and are in love with each other. But both of you happy.

Taglist: @hannahhistorian92​ @marinettepotterandplagg​ @thequirkybookaholic​ @parkeret​​ @lukeys-giggle​ @gingerxarmy​ @lovesanimals​

[adhdeancas]

12x01 Rewrite with Trans Dean

trigger warnings for minor mention of dysphoria. Also minor/negligent transphobia. 

“Mom?” His heart is stopped in his chest, staring at the face he’s kept in his head for all of his life, the face he’s thought of as the only real home he’s ever had. She looks the same, exactly the same. “I… uh, are you really… real?” 

He reaches out without thinking, needing to just make sure that Amara didn’t bring back a fantasy or a ghost or a sick joke. She proves it without him touching her, flipping him in a neat trick he recognizes from his own training and ending up with her foot on his neck, pressing him into the dirt. “Where am I? Who the hell are you?”

She looks so scared. Dean swallows, his Adam’s apple bouncing against the bottom of her foot. He needs to make her trust him, preferably before she does something rash like snap his neck. “I’m Dean Winchester. I’m your son. I’m… Sam’s brother”

The pressure lets up on Dean’s neck even though Mary’s shaking her head. “No. No, I don’t have two boys. They’re- they’re just kids.”

Dean winces, breathing heavily. This is gonna be a motherfucker for her to understand. Still, Mary lets him up, and he stands and rubs his neck, trying desperately to recall every bit of information he’s stored away about his mom. “Mom. Listen to me. Your name- your name is Mary Sandra Campbell, okay? You were born December 5, 1954, to Samuel and Deanna Campbell. Your father, he bounced around a lot for, uh, work, and you bounced right along with him, and you ended up in Lawrence, Kansas.”

Mary flinches, the facts hitting straight-on. “How do you know all that?” 

“Dad told me.” Dean tells her. He doesn’t tell her that he had to gather the story from slurred words, drunken tears in between stories about the perfect wife. That he recited them in his head like a prayer so he wouldn’t forget her. “March 23, 1972, you walked out of a movie theater - Slaughterhouse-Five. You loved it, and you bumped into a big Marine and you knocked him flat on his ass. You were embarrassed, and he laughed it off, said you could make it up to him with a cup of coffee. So, you went to, uh,” God, what was the name of that stupid place? “Mulroney’s, and you talked and he was cute and he knew the words to every Zeppelin song,” A memory of a smiling young alive Mary comes to mind, and he pushes it away because it hurts. She’s right there. “So when he asked you for your number, you gave it to him, even though you knew your dad would be pissed. That was the night that -” You fell in love with- “that you met -”

“John Winchester.”

“August 19, 1975, you were married… in Reno. Your idea.”Dean had always thought that was hilarious. He looks her in the eyes again, pleading with her to not dispute the next part. “A few years later, I came along, then Sammy.”

“No, no. My oldest was a girl, Deanna.” Mary looks Dean up and down, taking in his short hair, wide shoulders, and flat chest. He crosses his arms over that now, uncomfortable, hoping she isn’t looking at his long eyelashes or his delicate cheekbones or his hips. All the places he’s insecure about. 

“Yeah, um… that’s me.” He looks up at her, his jaw clenching, waiting for the ball to drop. “I shortened the name a little, and the- uh- hair.” He tries for the old charming smile as he runs a hand through the spiky hair he hasn’t let grow out in 20 years. It doesn’t quite get there, settling at a more delicate need for approval. Mary doesn’t give it to him. “Do you believe me?”

She bypasses the question, turning her eyes away from him to look at the car behind him. Something changes in her eyes. “I burned.” She says quietly, like she’s remembering the heat. Dean swallows. He remembers the heat too. “How long have I been gone?”

“33 years.” His voice cracks. 

Mary looks back to him, and she moves forward, putting two gentle fingers to his cheek, to the freckles sprayed across soft skin. He’s had them forever, even when he was little. “Dee?” She calls him by his old nickname; Dean’s doubly thankful that he doesn’t use his deadname. 

“Hi, mom.” There are tears in his eyes.

------------------------------------------------------

“How did he die?”

Dean bows his head. He’s really not selling himself too good here, is he? First the trans thing, now- “He gave himself up for me.” He’ll be surprised if Mary wants anything to do with him. Surprisingly, she chuckles and sniffles. 

“That does sound like John.” He looks over, and she’s smiling. His brow furrows. Killing himself to save Dean’s ass does sound like John, but not in a way that makes him want to smile. “And he was a hunter? And he raised-” She stutters now, looking at him again and looking away just as quickly. “You and Sam to be-”

“Yeah, he did.” A cold weight is settling in Dean’s stomach, and he tries and fails to not let it seep into his words.

“And you said we’ve met before, when you traveled through time,”

Dean nods. It had been horrible and amazing to see Mary and have her see him, just as some guy. A guy, at all. “Twice. Your memory got wiped, so…” So you don’t remember me telling you I was your kid, and you not believing me. I do.

“And you’re… my daughter-”

Dean coughs. He hasn’t been called a daughter in a long-ass time. “No, I’m- I mean. I was. I know it’s a lot. And I’ll explain everything. I will. But right now, let’s get out of here. Let’s get you home. Come on, Mom.”

She doesn’t correct him, which means she must believe, at least a little bit, that she is his mom. 

-----------------------------------------------------

“You live here?” She looks around the cavernous space and he smiles, looking around too. It really is awesome. 

“Yeah, when we’re not on the road. It’s an old Men of Letters bunker.”

“Men of Letters?” She scoffs. Dean grins a bit and looks at her. He thinks he likes her. “They’re a myth. An old hunter’s story.”

He tilts his head. He’s just gonna keep blowing her mind today, apparently. “Not so much. New duds look good.” He gestures to her clothes. He’d lent her some extra clothes he’d had in the trunk, and he tries not to fixate on how they weren’t that big on her. He’s not much taller than her, and he knows part of that even is the heeled boots he’s wearing. 

“Well, thanks. It’s better than walking around in that nightgown the rest-” Dean’s nodding, about to say something extremely awkward like ‘Yeah, nightgowns are a bitch,’ when he finally looks at what she’s staring at, spattered on the floor of the bunker. “That’s blood.”

 “Yeah.” Dean’s heart leaps into his throat, but he goes into autopilot before he can think about freaking out. He takes his gun out from his pants and cocks it, clearing the immediate area. A blurred sigil on the wall puts another bolt of fear through his chest. “Sammy? Cas?” He winces at how high his voice goes.

He takes the Map Table’s gun out from its hiding place and hands it to Mary. She was a hunter too, and he’s not about to leave her unarmed to clear the place. “Take this. Stay here.” Dean takes off immediately. It isn’t until he’s moving on to check the kitchen that he hears the voice. Mary’s clear as a bell, saying, 

“Hands, now,”

Dean’s in the room before he can think about it. His heart practically comes undone when he sees that dumb familiar trench coat. He puts his body between Cas and his mom’s gun immediately, hoping she will trust him enough not to shoot through him. “Whoa, whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! It’s okay, it’s okay. He’s a friend, all right?” He meets Cas’s eyes and sees the utter relief in his eyes, and a surge of warmth fills his chest. “Hey, Cas.”

It’s a lackluster greeting when they both thought they’d never see each other again, and Cas shows it when he steps forward quickly and pulls Dean into a tight hug. “Dean!”

Dean grins and pats his back. “Hey, okay. All right,” He comforts him quietly. 

“Dean, you’re alive?” Cas pulls away and looks him over, like he’s afraid Dean might disappear. Dean nods, understanding; he had done the same thing to Mary, after all.

“Yeah.”

“What about the bomb and the Darkness? What happened?”

“I’ll tell you everything. Where is Sam?”

“He’s not here.” Obviously. Dean could smack him, but his face wants to break into a fond smile instead. He represses both urges.

“Are you a hunter?”

“No, I’m an angel.”

“He’s an angel.” Dean says over Cas. They look at each other and then back at Mary. 

“Come again?”

“An angel, with a capital A,” Dean clarifies. He feels, ridiculously, a little bit like he’s showing off. Showing Cas off. “You know, wings, harp.”

“No, I don’t have a harp.”

Dean laughs. “This is Castiel. Cas, this is… Mary. Winchester.”

------------------------------------------------------

“It’s been kinda weird, here. You know, with mom being back?” And learning that her baby girl is now a full grown man? “It’s like we don’t know how to act around each other, so we just kinda make this small talk, and act like it’s normal, but it’s- it’s so not normal.” Dean can hear the pleading in his voice. 

“What has she said to you?” Cas asks quickly. Dean bites his lip to hide the smile he’s trying to get from hearing Cas get all angry and protective on his behalf. He’s reminded of the time Cas looked him directly in the face and said, ‘Dean Winchester, if anyone is ever transphobic to you, I will smite them immediately and without any remorse.’ And before Dean could make a quip about internalized transphobia, Cas added, ‘Do not make me do that to you.’

“Well, nothing. That’s- that’s the whole point.” It’s the kind of thing most people usually wanna go over, what the fuck gender their kid is? He’s pretty sure no news does not mean good news in this context.

“Okay, what have you said to her?”

“Well, nothing. I’m- I don’t know what to say to her, y’know? It’s like it’s all too much, and I don’t wanna overwhelm her.” 

“Dean, your identity is not ‘too much.’” Cas says immediately. Dean sighs. That wasn’t what he meant, even though he has said something similar before. Something when he was lonely and sad and feeling like explaining his dick to a one night stand was too complicated for him to do to even assuage it that way.

“No- I know. It’s not that. It’s… everything.”

Now it’s Cas’s turn to sigh. “Don’t make things unnecessarily complicated, as you humans tend to do. I’ll call you.” He hangs up. 

Dean lets the phone fall with his arm limp to his side. “Yeah. Great. That’s helpful.” He says to the empty air. “That’s helpful.” Asshole.

-------------------------------------------------------

They’re in the car, and Dean is driving, and there is too much going on. He’s not sure whether he’s happy that Cas is in the backseat for this conversation or not. “So you’re… my Deanna.”

Dean’s hands tighten on the wheel. He looks at them and ignores the voice in his head that says they are petite. Womanly. “Uh, yeah. I was born Deanna Jane Winchester.” He clears his throat and meets Cas’s eyes in the rearview. He gives him a little nod, and Dean continues. “I’m… It’s called trans.”

Dean risks a look over at Mary, and she’s playing with her ring. “So you… wanted to be a boy.” 

Dean clears his throat again. He’s pretty sure he does it every time before he talks, and he’s also pretty sure his voice gets lower every time he talks, too. He swears it’s an automatic reflex. 

“Dean’s soul is- that of a human man.” Cas interrupts, saying it like that clarifies things. The corner of Dean’s mouth tilts up a little bit. Cas did tell him that he could see his soul, and also told him that it was, and he quotes ‘A color more similar to that of a men than women.’ Which, yeah, that tracks. He guesses Cas leaves off the ‘more similar’ part to make things simpler for Mary.

“And so you…” Mary trails off, a finger pointing toward his chest aborting its mission when she realizes it might be rude. 

Dean raises an eyebrow with amusement. “Cut my tits off? Yeah.” He takes a hand off the wheel to raise his shirt, proudly showing off his top surgery scars. Mary trails a hand along them, feeling the raised skin. “After Sammy went to college. It was a bitch of a few weeks, but it was worth it.”

Mary takes her hand away and nods, brows furrowed like she’s trying to wrap her head around it. Dean grins. The grin freezes awkwardly, the edges tilting down, when Mary opens her mouth again. “So you have a-”

Cas coughs loudly in the back seat. Dean meets his wide eyes with a similar expression, and Mary cuts off the question, catching onto the fact she said something wrong. “Don’t think we really need to go there, do we, mom?”

That was a question for him and whatever lucky son of a bitch (gender neutral) ended up in his bed at the end of the night. “Right.” Mary says quickly. She turns her whole body then, asking, “Is that why you like men?”

Dean only swerves a little, he swears. The car coming the opposite direction doesn’t seem to agree, holding its horn long and hard. Luckily, it gives him a moment to stutter less obviously. 

“Sorry, I just meant- since you two are-” Mary gestures between Cas and Dean, and Dean blinks his eyes solidly, trying to convince himself this is really happening.

“No! I mean, we-” Dean doesn’t have the balls (hehe) to look at Cas in the back seat, but he can see the trench coat shifting out of his peripheral. “I’m not-”

“Was John okay with this?”

Dean laughs. It comes out bitter and dark. “Dad didn’t much give a fuck what I did with my body. He’d given up on grandkids about the time he saw how decent I was at hunting, so my long hair wasn’t a personal loss.” He knew I wasn’t gonna live long enough to give him grandkids, not without some self-sacrifice on John’s part.

Mary looks a little shocked at his outburst, and Dean almost feels bad for being so blunt and crass. But then he remembers growing up with John as his male role model, and he tightens his jaw. No, the bluntness and crassness was accurate. “Oh.”

“... Yeah.” Dean bites his lip and risks another glance at his mom. 

“So, you’re okay with this?” He waves a hand at himself. Asking if she was okay with him was just too pathetic, even for him. She looks at him uncertainly, a frown he recognizes as his own on her face.

“I don’t think I’m okay with any of this, Dean. But… I guess I’ll adjust.”

[howdywrites]

Ghosts

- and In The Woods Somewhere update/excerpt

WC: 300~

Warnings: light, brief descriptions of gore; character experiencing symptoms of PTSD/survivor's guilt

UPDATE: my gay zombie WIP is officially 16.5k words long!! It's been a while since I've done any kind of writing update in general, but I'm happy to share this short excerpt. I decided after watching the movie Those Who Wish Me Dead that Mara needed to bond with her roadtrip buddies more. This is a more somber piece of the 500+ words I wrote.

[ WIP Intro ]

Excerpt and Taglist below the cut!

“Is it bad?” Marissa asked after a silent pause. Her hand laid on top of Mara’s bare thigh. She had to stop herself from flinching. Human touch was just as foreign as a good night’s sleep.

“Is what bad?” Mara casually leaned her head back, closing her eyes.

“I mean, are you still having them? The dreams?”

There probably would never come a day when Mara didn’t have those dreams. Even in her waking hours, sitting outside Ranger Johns, memories of her life just a year ago flashed behind her eyelids. Ghosts from her past with skin torn off of their faces and body mutilated beyond recognition. All of them peered into her soul while a broken record repeated the same phrase over and over again in the back of her mind.

Do you know how lucky you are? You were supposed to be one of us.

“It’s only been a year. Not much can change in a year.” She regretted how blunt she said it. Cracking her eyes open, Mara glanced at a teary eyed Marissa slumped against the driver’s seat. Shit. Maybe Adrien wasn’t the one ruining the trip. “But I’m here, aren’t I? Still kicking.” Even if it was against her will.

Mara patted the top of Marissa’s hand, softening her voice a touch. “Please don’t cry - I’ll get you a donut, okay? Strawberry jelly, your favorite.”

“You’d tell me, right?” Marissa’s weak voice cracked. “You’d tell me if it’s getting worse? I worry about you, Mar. I almost don’t recognize you anymore.”

Do you know how lucky you are? You should’ve been dead like them.

“I will. I promise.” Mara slipped her fingers in between her friend’s, giving her clammy hand a squeeze. She didn’t try to muster a smile but her words were sincere. “I might not be the woman I was before my deployment, but I’m lucky you and Callum have still stuck around for the woman I’ve become. Or am becoming.” Her teeth bit into the inside of her cheek. “I don’t know what kind of woman I’ll be a year from now. But I guess I’m pretty lucky to be alive.” A lie - but a convincing one at least.

Mara closed her eyes, drinking in the calm that passed over them. Dead eyes stared back at her. She should have been one of them.

-

ITWS Taglist (ask to be +): @lordkingsmith @celestialbunnistories @aeslin-writes @writinginslowmotion @chayscribbles @theramwrites @tiredlittleoldme @sapphcon-ic @hazard-writes @lookingmuchimproved @themidnxghtwriter @draculinawrites @aetherwrites @svpphicwrites @maxgraybooks @writeherewaiting @sjjsalamanders @thelittlestspider @ashen-crest @writtendevastation @ravesthewriter @adie-dee @christine-thinks @cream-and-tea @reeseweston @languageisbae @mellowkittenwrites @yejidoesthings

Writing Updats Tagist: @fishinabluesea @svpphicwrites @aetherwrites @elliotlpowell @chayscribbles @spacetimewraithwrites @spiralcupid @ravesthewriter @bitchyeahmagnets @yuriyawrites @theramwrites @alicewestwater @adie-dee @intheirwingsintheirtrees @thewalkingnerdx @akiwitch @piyawrites @lightning-frogs

[snake-in-the-garden]

Microprompt 10: Righteous

Requested by @scungilliwoman

Pairing: Jacob Seed/Deirdre Monroe

Words: 400(whoops)

Warnings: mentions of vomiting/nausea(sorry I'm gross), blood, eye gouging, and cursing

The sound of hiccuping sobs and panting came after Deirdre had emptied her stomach behind the church. Her mind replayed those thumbs penetrating those eye sockets, the screaming, and Joseph's bloody hands raised; basking in the glory of his congregation.

Deirdre's body almost gave way to another wave of nausea until she heard heavy footsteps coming up behind her. She turned away from the mess she made to see Jacob approaching her.

"Hey, are you--?" The redhead cut himself off with a grunt in response to Deirdre's body colliding with his; arms wrapping around his waist. Brown, puffy eyes looking up at him. "'Kay that answered my question."

"How could Joseph do that?", her voice trembling as Jacob's large hand smoothed over her head. "It was so awful."

"I know. Just breathe", Jacob soothed. "But you have to understand, Dee. He was a traitor."

"So what?" Deirdre pushed herself from the eldest Seed, brow furrowed. "Doesn't mean Joseph had to blind him."

"He was gonna expose us!"

"So we assault him? What Joseph did is not going to be easy for John to defend if this gets out."

"I know that. Shit. We're doing what's necessary to protect this Project."

"By hurting people? What a righteous act for a man of God to commit."

Her sneering is what got to Jacob the most.

"Don't do that Dee. Joseph knows what's best and we need support him as a family. Especially now." She huffed as she crossed her arms and looked away. "Hey, look at me," Jacob pleaded. "I need you to think hard about this, Dee. Do you know what would happen if he'd got away?" She didn't answer him because she already knew. Don't say it. "I'd lose my brothers again." Stop. "But worst of all, I'd lose the best thing that's ever happen to me."

Tears threatened to break free again as his hand cupped her face. Damn it. Deirdre did her best to push down the sobs that would inevitably surface. Arguing about this was futile. Pointless. What happened, happened and all Deirdre could do was standby and hope things will be fixed. She embraced Jacob again and he returned the gesture.

"What's going to happen to him, Jake?"

"Don't you worry about that, Dee. We'll take care of it."

You better, because I don't know what I'll do if you guys don't.

MICROPROMPTS

[imaginesbymonika]

The silence. (Dean x Reader)

Prompt: Now, that Chuck is gone- you’re left with one important decision.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

A/N: spoilers for 15x19

Song to listen to while reading:

The bunker was peaceful. And despite enjoying the silence, after so many years of everything but calmness - there was still a part in you left that feared it. The silence.

„Any ideas on what you’ll do now?“, a deep voice asks, making you turn your head into its direction. Dean Winchester, who makes his way over to your table has a smirk on his face and two cold beers in his hands. Usual business- but his smile contains something else... serenity.

“What do you mean?”, you ask as you watch him sit down on the other side of the table. He hands you your beer:” Well, Chucks gone for good. We are now the writers of our own story.” You giggle and make a grimace:” Oh- that sounds so cliché, Dee.” He chuckles. You take a sip of your beverage before looking at him again:” Well, not yet. It strangely feels like a lot of responsibility.” The hunter in front of you nods.

“What about you?”, you ask:” Any plans on stepping down, finding a charming wife - settling down?” Dean huffs before shaking his head:” I don’t know, I doubt that there is someone out there who could understand me- I could never date someone who isn’t a hunter.”.

He looks at you and for a second yearning flickers in his green eyes.

You and Dean. Sam secretly called it the never-ending story. Truth be told, you had adored the oldest Winchester for a decade now. Maybe, that had been the justification for why you were still here. You eternally took his side- you had constantly put him before anyone else... even before God.

“I see.”, you reply before once again taking a sip of your beer. “What about you?”.

A deep breath leaves your lips:” Well, I think you’re right. I could never date anyone who doesn’t comprehend my lifestyle. After all, how am I supposed to explain to an ordinary guy that my trauma comes from god himself- well the former god because now the kid I somewhat raised sucked all energy out of the old one and became the new god.”.

Dean laughs. “You cannot understand the entirety of my trauma- if you weren’t there.”.

“You might be right.”.

A comfortable silence falls upon the two friends before Dean whispers:” You believe I could be that person for you?”. As soon as those words leave his lips, tears well up in your e/c eyes and you look away for a moment. “Could you imagine ...”, he hesitates, and you hear how his voice starts to shake:” I can’t believe I’m saying this- could you imagine growing old with me?”.

You turn and look at Dean. A few tears are running down his cheek, the soft redness around his eyes makes them look even more stunning.

“We have been through so much together.”, you confess, while swallowing thickly:” Growing old with someone else, that would be a crime, wouldn’t it.”

[kaywinchester]

Dark Power Pt. 2

Part Two! Read Part 1 Here if you haven’t already!

Summary: Sam Winchester’s daughter was visited by a demon at a young age and shows signs of special abilities. Now he has left his past life as a hunter behind. What will he do when Y/N starts to grow up and ask questions? 

Song requested for this fic- In Control by Nemesea

Listen to it here! Song Link

Word Count: 2,161

Pairings: Sam x daughter!winchester

A/N: This part is mostly just dialogue and talking. Don’t worry, I’ll get to the spicy stuff in the later parts ;)

It had been two years since Jessica died. Y/N was now three. Sam intended to find a place after everything happened, he mainly wanted things to remain normal for Y/N, especially now that she was growing up. But, with Dean hanging around, it made the process a little difficult and he ended doing what he did not want to do in the first place. Jumping from motel to motel.

Sam knew Y/N would start to ask questions eventually, but not this soon. She had already started talking and Sam soon enrolled her in daycare. She wasn’t old enough for preschool yet, but he wanted her to start getting used to being in a school environment. It was his goal to keep things as normal as possible.

Sam had picked Y/N up from daycare and drove her back to the motel that they had been at for almost 3 months now. Y/N was getting used to their current setting.

“Daddy?” Y/N’s little voice spoke as she set her tiny backpack on the floor.

“Are we staying hewre forever now?” She asked.

“Uh, I’m not sure, sweetie. We might be here for a little bit longer.” Sam said.

Dean had been catching hunt after hunt in this town for quite some time which is why they had been there for a while. Y/N had started to get used to where they were, of course, she did not know better. Sam still wanted to move on from the hunting life and give his daughter a better chance, but it was hard with Dean constantly dragging him from town to town. Speaking of Dean, he came strolling through the motel door from doing whatever it was he was doing. 

“Unca Dee!” Y/N called out excitedly. 

“Hey, there's my favorite niece.” Dean grasped Y/N, picking her up as he smiled.

“What’s a neese?” Y/N innocently asked. 

“Nothing, uh Dean, can I talk to you?” Sam interrupted. 

Dean set Y/N down and walked over to the kitchen table where Sam was sitting. Y/N walked over to the couch to grab one of her toys.

“I really think Y/N and I need to settle down somewhere. I don't want to keep dragging her with us on hunts and having her go to a new daycare every few weeks. She’s already confused and asking me questions, I want to give her a shot at a normal life, a normal education.....” Sam explained in a hushed tone. 

“Sam, you know we’re all screwed either way, normal or not. Sooner or later, something is gonna show up and become a problem.” Dean responded.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. I don’t want her to grow up always questioning things and being worried or scared. I can already see some of that and I don’t want her to resent me when she gets older because I didn’t at least try and give her better.” Sam said. “So, you’re just not gonna hunt anymore. Is that right?” Dean started to have some attitude. 

“Dean, you know that wasn’t my plan from the start. College was my plan, and now Y/N is. I can’t let her down.” 

“You’re not concerned about looking for dad?” Dean sighed.

“I’m not even certain dad even wants to see me. Again, I think he's just off doing his own thing.” Sam scoffed.

“This is not like him.... I know the way he handles things, I would be getting a call at least once a week and now I haven't heard from him in over two months.” Dean explained.

“Well, you’ve always wanted to be second to him, I think this is you’re hunt, you’re mission. Not mine.” Sam shook his head.

“You’re just gonna give up on him! On me? On this family!” Dean started to get angry and raise his voice.

“Dean, for the last five years dad has given up on me, as soon as I said I wanted to go to college and get out of the family business, he hasn’t supported me or my choices. I didn’t have to give up on anything! He gave up on me.” Sam argued.

“Why are you yellwing Unca Dee?” Y/N spoke up.

“Dean, my point is clear. Let’s finish this discussion tomorrow.” Sam said as he realized you were listening.

“No, we can finish this right now!” Dean’s voice got louder.

“Daddy, I don’t like when you and Unca Dee are loud...” Y/N said.

“Dean, enough! I don’t want to be a hunter my whole life!” Sam snapped.

“You’re a Winchester, Sam. As far as I know, no Winchester has a choice. We’re stuck in this life so we might as well fight back and deal with it!” Dean yelled.

“I don’t have to do ANYTHING! That’s my decision if I want to hunt, and I’m done!”

“Bullshit Sam!!”

“STOP!” Y/N screamed. The lights started to flicker and the table started shaking, enough to grab everyones attention. After a few seconds, it all stopped and everything went back to normal. Sam and Dean looked at each other, and looked back at Y/N. 

“I don’t like it when you guys are loud.” She said softly. Sam looked at his daughter in utter shock. 

“Y/N..... Did you do that?” He asked.

“Do what?” She said like nothing happened.

“The lights..... a-and the table.” Sam motioned to the table.

Y/N looked at Sam with her puppy eyes and just gave an innocent shrug and walked back over to her toys.

“What was that? Has she done that before?” Dean asked.

“No. I’ve never seen her do anything like that.” Sam was at a loss for words.

...................

It had been another three years, Sam was on his own with Y/N. He had found a condo in a small town just outside if Lincoln, Nebraska. He and Dean were not on good terms after that night. They talked over the subject more and Sam had enough. He started looking for places the next morning and was able to move into the condo he found about a month after that night. 

He and Dean have not spoken since. He didn’t agree with Sam and was taken back that he didn’t want to help find John. Dean was just in a certain mind set to where he didn’t want to understand Sam. He was being his stubborn old self and refused to talk to him. Sam expected none the less as he knew that’s how his brother would react. He didn’t care and decided to move on and focus on his daughter.

Y/N was six years old now and was going to school. Y/N started to notice she was a little different from the other kids. She knew it was clear, but she didn't know exactly what set her apart. It might have not seemed that way to anyone else but she felt it. Y/N was aware that she had some abilities but didn’t know that she could control them yet. They would only come about when she would get angry at something. 

After the night she showed her abilities when her dad and uncle were arguing, Sam kept an eye on her for a while but saw nothing similar after the fact. He wanted to just believe it was something else but part of him knew where it was coming from. It was his daughter. Sam hadn't seen her do anything similar since that night, but he didn't forget about it. That thought lingered in the back of his head. Even though Y/N was aware of it, she never told her dad. She was young at the time and barely remembered when it first happened. Hell, she didn't even know about hunting, and what Sam did before she came around. 

Sam wanted to tell his daughter about his life, and Dean, and Jessica. He wanted to tell her the truth about anything, but at the same time, he wanted to keep it all a secret because he didn’t want anything happening to her. 

Y/N got off the school bus one day and came into the kitchen where Sam was on his laptop.

“Hey, how was school?” 

“It was okay, we’re doing a lab in science for the next few days and it’s kind of boring.” Y/N said.

“I though you liked science...” Sam laughed.

“Yeah, but the lab is on rocks and minerals, there’s nothing really interesting about rocks, Daddy.” Y/N scoffed. Sam laughed. 

Y/N continued to put her bag down and went to grab a juice out of the refrigerator. “Hey daddy, can I talk to you about something?” Y/N asked.

“Sure, anything.” Sam took a deep breath, hoping it was something he was ready to talk about. 

“So, I’m six and I’m getting older now to where I want to know more about some things.” Y/N sat down with her juice, trying to act mature which made Sam smile at her cuteness.

“Okay, what do you wanna know?” Sam asked.

“I want to know more about my mom. I don’t remember you talking about her a lot, except saying that she had went away for a while.” Y/N said as she tried to remember the brief things Sam had said about her. 

“I don’t know if you’re old enough for this conversation yet....” 

“Daddy, I AM! I’m a big girl, big enough to talk about subjects like these.” Y/N said confidently. 

Sam took a deep breath and smoothed his hair out. How was he going to tell his six year old that he mother was going to give her up.

“Well, uh, when I met your mom, we were both really young. We were still in high school. And she found out that she was going to have a baby.... you.” Sam explained slowly.

“So, when your mom found out, she was very worried that she wasn't going to be able to take care of you. Again, she was very young, technically she was still a kid herself. So she was going to give you up for adoption.....” Sam paused to see what his daughters reaction would be.

“Did she not want me?” Y/N asked calmly.

“No, she did want you, but she didn't want to have you and then not be able to give you the life that you deserved. So she considered adoption, but then I decided that I was going to take you and raise you. Now, I didn't have much at the time but you were my daughter, and I wanted to be able to see you grow up.” Sam explained.

“So, why aren’t you and mommy together?” 

“We were together for a while after you were born and she would come see you when she could, but sometimes, mommies and daddies don’t get along anymore. So we decided to go our own ways, and you came with me. Then your mom ended up moving away.”

“Where does she live now?” Y/N asked.

“Back then, she moved to Iowa with her family, but she probably doesn’t live there anymore.” Sam said.

“Oh.” Y/N said, looking a little disappointed.

“What’s wrong? Y/N, look, your mom loved you. But sometimes we have different paths in life and different choices.....”

“No, it isn’t that. I understand, daddy.” Y/N interrupted.

“Okay, then why do you look upset?” Sam’s brows furrowed.

“I remember when I was little, we lived with a girl. I don’t remember who she was but you and me lived with another girl. Was that mommy?” Y/N asked.

“Well, after your mommy moved away, I finished high school and then I went to college. I met another girl, and she lived with us for some time. Her name was Jessica. She helped me take care of you, she was very nice and she loved you.” Sam said, remembering the girl he thought he was going to marry.

“Where did she go?” Y/N was very curious and engrossed in Sam’s story.

“Well, she passed away and went up into the sky. That’s why we moved here.” Sam said.

“Was she my mommy for a little bit?” 

“Yeah. She was. She cared for you like any mother would and she loved you.” It saddened Sam to think about her, and about everything that happened in the past. He wanted to protect Jess as much as he wanted to protect you, and he failed. Sam started to gain a few tears in his eyes.

“You look sad, Daddy.” Y/N said as she got up and walked over to Sam.

“It’s okay. Jessica is in the sky just like you said. She’s an angel now.” Y/N said as she wrapped her little arms around Sam’s large figure. Sam hugged her back.

“I love you dad.” Y/N said.

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

Sam didn’t know what he did to deserve such a smart and understanding child. He was glad he had gotten out of his past as a hunter. Now it was his job to protect her at all costs. 

Requests Are Closed

Read Part 3 HERE!

Tags:

@mersuperwholocked-lowlife @gracie-and-the-superwholock-gang

[daydreamingintheimpalax]

Four No’s and a Yes.

Prompt: Write about someone who gets proposed to five times on Christmas Eve.

Warnings: None, cuteness, fluff i guess lol

Dean x Reader (Childhood friends)

Chritsmas Eve 2016.

The Y/L/N’s house was decorated to the T, Mrs. Y/L/N always went all out for Christmas and to say Dean loved it was an understatement. Dean had grown up next door to y/n and her family all his life, every Christmas was spent with his best friend and her family, their families took turns every year on which family would host the big Christmas dinner. It was Christmas eve, this year, Y/n’s family was hosting Christmas Eve and Day. 

He watched as you sat down across from him, the same way you did every year, this time your boyfriend of almost a year sitting next to you. Dean frowned but for the most part accepted him and tried to make Carl as welcome as possible. 

It’s not that he disliked the guys she dated, he just never thought they were good enough for his best friend, it had nothing to do with the fact he’d been inlove wih you almost all his life, despite what Sam and his parents had to say about it. 

The meal conversations began, Dean smiled as he watched Sam’s wife wipe a smudge of food off his brothers face before then placing a small peck on his cheek. He was imsensely happy for his little brother, he had tried to find love himself but despite all the girls that came and went, none were ever good enough to bring home to Mary and John, none ever compared to, well, you. 

“So Dee, any news about that girl you took out last week? She seemed nice.” You ask, shoving a fork of ham into your mouth, he chuckles watching before he replies, “uh no, didn’t pan out, first date and she was already naming our kids.” He shakes his head, cringing. Y/N makes a funny grossed out face, “Yikes, stage 5 clinger”, Dean smirks, “Exactly, not my style, sweetheart.”

“Sweetheart?” Carl pipes up, raising an eyebrow at Dean. Right, Carl hated when Dean called you by a pet name, sucks for him doesn’t it. Dean shrugs, y/n reassures him its just for fun, that they’ve been friends forever and Dean’s the only other man allowed to call her that. Carl doesn’t seem happy but strugs it off. 

It’s almost 9 Pm when Carl speaks, he stands up from the tables, everyone having had a few rounds of wine by now and 50 conversations going on at once. He clears his troat, tapping his champagne glass with his fork, everyone stops, their attention on him. 

“Well, this has been an amazing night, y/n your family is incredible, i’m so happy to have shared this holiday with you all, but tonight, i want to share another moment with you guys, i know how important family is to y/n and i want to make sure i do this right.” He pauses, grabbing y/n’s hand and pulling her up, Dean can see the look on her face, shes shocked and confused, not sure what the hell Carl thinks he’s doing. 

He pulls something out of his pocket, Dean lets out a soft groan before taking a huge chug of his beer, Sam pats his back, a silent signal asking if he’s okay. He shrugs it off. 

“Y/n, i know we haven’t been together as long as other people, but my love for you has no limits, we are a perfect match and you’re a perfect part of me, you make me better, i love you so much, and i don’t want to waste anymore time,” 

He gets down on one knee, Dean watches, slightly angrily as y/n gasps, she slightly looks at Dean and he can see the panicked look on her face, she’s not ready for this, he’s ambushed her. 

“Y/n Y/l/n, would you do me the honor of being my wife, my partner in crime, my forever.” Dean rolls his eyes, his mother swatting his arm and giving him a disapproving look. Y/n stays silent, looking around as everyone watches her, Then, she bolts. 

Dean chases after her to see if she’s okay. 

Carl was never seen again after that night.

Christmas Eve 2017

Christmas was different this year, Their parents had decided they wanted a break from cooking, so they had booked a cruise for vacation, not telling any of their kids until last minute. 

Sam and Jess had decided to have Christmas with her family now that they were expecting their first child. Sam was over the moon at the chance to be a dad, he was going to be an amazing one. 

Dean checks the tickets, finding the seats and throwing the jackets over them, y/n heads towards him, sitting next to him in her own seat and she hands him his beer and the hotdogs she grabbed. Dean was lucky he booked last minute tickets to the wrestling match, not surprised that even on Christmas eve, the stadium was booked solid. 

They enjoy the fights, they’re small local fights, no big names, but they both enjoy it, laughing and enjoying their time together as best friends, it’s been a while. Since she started dating Max four months ago, he barely sees her, he’s insecure, especially when Dean’s around, probably because Dean’s twice his size in height and muscle, but that’s not his problem. Max starts fights with y/n anytime they hang out, so for her sake, he keeps his distance, waiting for her to call him for a hangout instead. 

An hour in and it’s break time, they sit and chat, and before they know it, a voice is speaking over the PA system. “Sorry to interupt everyone, but since we are on a break, it seems like the perfect time to do this. Y/n Y/l/N, if you wouldn’t mind looking up at the jumbotron, we have a message for you from Max.” 

Y/n’s eyes go wide, she looks at Dean curiously and he shrugs, just as confused. She looks at the screen, Max’s smiling face on the screen as he’s handed the microphone. 

“Y/n, i know this is random and out of the blue, but you make me really happy, i know you’re not big on attention and big romantic gestures, but i wanted to do something memorable, so, i was hoping you’d be down for being my wife, will you Marry me?” he speaks, Dean almost can’t believe it, what was with these losers, she deserved to be proposed to, but not so soon and definitely not on the spot, she hated grand gestures that drew attention to her. Y/n barely knew what she wanted to do with her life, let alone to settle down. 

Y/N starts breathing heavy, tears forming as she starts to panic at the whole stadium now staring at her and waiting for her answer, and just like that, yet again, she tries to run but Dean stops her, suggesting they go outside and talk to Max privately before she has a complete anxiety attack.

Another douchebag he never sees again. 

Christmas Eve 2018

Another year, another Christmas Eve, y/n is sitting on Deans couch, the two of them got stuck at the airport due to a snow storm and aren’t making it home for Christmas. They had driven back to Dean’s place and she decided to crash with him, She’d just broken up with her recent douchebag boyfriend and wasn’t in happy spirits. She lies on his couch, sniffling as she watches her favoirte Christmas movie, which is currently everything on the hallmark channel. 

Dean sits next to her, her feet in his lap as he messages her feet, warming them up from the cold. 

“Am i ever going to find the right guy? i mean, at this point it’s become a pattern, every fucking Christmas i end up single and alone, i should just give up finding the perfect guy.” She shrugs, wiping away a stray tear.

Dean sighs, “First off, you’re not alone, you have me. Second, you pick crappy guys, you have shitty ass taste. Give it time, sweetheart, the perfect guy for you is out there, and you’ll find him, you’re just looking in the wrong places.” Dean assures her and she gives him a dry chuckle.

“Oh yea, well if you ever come across prince charming, send him my way.” She rolls her eyes and he laughs. He hates seeing her upset. 

Theyre at the local skating rink when it happens, he finally got her to stop crying enough to take her out and here comes Jack, Jake, Joke, whatever the fuck his name was holding a bouquet of roses and a ring box, smiling widely at her, this jackass really thinks a ring will fix everything he’s done to her. What a damn clown. 

Y/n stops abrutly, eyeing him up and down, she’s definitely angry still. 

“That better not be what the fuck i think it is.” She snaps, tossing the roses in the trash. “Y/n, i know i fucked up, but you’re worth more than-” He’s cut off by the sound of her hand meeting his cheek. 

“NO!” She shouts, a few people now stopping to watch. “You have some NERVE showing up here, after cheating on me and for what? to propose? ARE YOU FUCKING DRUNK? In what fucking small minded universe that you live in do you think proposing to me is going to fix what you broke? No, i will not marry you. Go to hell, Jeff.” She stomps off, as good as she can in skates. 

Jeff, that’s his fucking name. He looks over at me and i shrug. “You fucked that up on your own man, you don’t deserve her.” Dean walks away.

She never mentions Jeff again.

Christmas Eve 2019

Their families get together again, Dean’s family hosts this year, y/n and he had flown home early this year to help with the food and decorations, y/n had run into one of her exes, a guy she dated back in highschool, He’d ran in Sam’s circle of friends, one of his old football buddies. They had gone on a date to catch up, ending up at the local bar with some old highschool friends.

Sam sits next to him, downing his own beer. “Man, why don’t you just tell her you’re her prince charming, watching her get with and dump all these idiots is getting tiring. Even mom and dad know you two belong together.” Sam chuckles, letting out a burp, he’s clearly borderlining between drunk and tipsy. Dean sighs, he’s going to have to call Jessica soon. 

“If i was her soulmate, she’d have noticed by now. I’m not going to make that choice for her. If it’s meant to be, she’ll realize it on her own, not because i forced her to like me.” He shrugs and Sam laughs, “You’re both so stupid.” Sam huffs and shakes his head. 

Before Sam can continue pestering him about his failure to woo Y/n, they hear a commotion, they turn to see Eric covered in beer, calling y/n a bitch and some other not nice words. 

Dean gets protective, not even a split second before he’s standing next to her, shoving Eric away from her. “Easy man, get away from her.” He yells and Eric huffs, throwing his arms in the air, “Whatever, you’re a waste of time, can’t believe i ever dated you, i forgot what it was like being with you.” He snarls before stepping outside, no doubt to light up another blunt. 

Dean frowns, “What happened?” he asks and you laugh. “He proposed, said he missed me and regretted ever breaking things off, said he finally realized i was the one that got away.” She airquotes before she sips her beer, huffing, “Turns out, that’s his game, he was hoping if i said yes i’d be over the moon and jump into bed with him again. Ugh, i hate men.” she grunts before walking out, Dean slaps a few bills on her table before going after her, a semi drunk Sam at his side. 

Chritmas Eve 2020

Christmas Eve dinner is a hit. Changing things up, Dean and Y/n had decided to host this year, flying their families out to vancouver. It’s cold and snowy, but makes Christmas actually feel like Christmas, unlike the warm sunny holiday in california, they love it there, but this year, with the snow, it actually feels like a real Christmas. 

They sit out on the back deck, taking a break from the family game night and friendly comeptition and yelling going on inside. Their families are nuts, but it always makes for a great time. 

Dean’s sure he’s ready, she hasn’t dated anyone since the last proposal, and he’s insane, he’s sure of it, he’s sure just like the others, he’ll be turned down, and he’s willing to make an utter fool of himself, but it’s time, he’s waited long enough, he needs her to know, he needs to tell her, he’ll never be able to truly move on and get over her if he doesn’t at least get an answer on wether she feels the same. 

“How long do you think that bingo game is going to last?” She asks, chuckling and she watches their families fight over who had bingo first. 

“Marry me.” He blurts it out without even realizing it. That’s not how he wanted that whole thing to go, he had planned it out, but plans go out the window when you spend time obsessing on things being perfect.

“What?” She’s stunned, but she hasn’t run away yet, and she’s not hyperventilating, that’s a good sign. He begins to babble like a damn idiot.

“I don’t have a ring, or a proper set up like a jumbotron or some shit, and this isn’t even how i planned on this day going, i’m not perfect, and i have my flaws, hell i’m so fucked up i’d be insane to think i even deserve even half your love, but i’m crazy about you, and i have been since 5th grade, when you gave me my first valentines card because no one in class gave me one and then kissed my cheek and told me you’d always be my valentine. I guess, what i’m trying to say is i may not be your prince charming, but you’ve always been my girl, i’ve never chosen anyone but you, and i realize, i don’t ever want anyone, except you.” He finally takes a breath, too scared to make eye contact, and he sighs.

“I know this is stupid and random and you can totally say no or run away if th-” 

“Yes.” She stuns him, completely silencing his rant.

He finally meets her eyes, “What?” He asks, sure as shit he heard her wrong. 

“Yes, Winchester, i’ll marry you.” She says, this time clear as day. 

He huffs out a laugh, “ Wait, seriously?” he asks, stunned and still thinking she has to be fucking with him.

She shrugs and smiles, “Yeah, I’ve known you all my life, you were always my prince charming, my perfect match, i was just waiting for you to figure it out.” She laughs. Dean’s eyes roam her face, for the first time, seeing how perfect she really is for him. 

“I literally could have been with you this entire time?” he raises and eyebrow and she shrugs, smiling. He shakes his head, not believing his own stupidity before he takes full advatnge, leaning in and finally claiming what’s been his this entire time. 

Safe to say, that was the last proposal she ever recieved. 

[jackandthesoulmates]

Cabin Birthday

requested by my wonderful mutual @all-4-wincest

Okay my friend, here’s your prompt for your 300 followers celebration!! Congratulations again!!

Okay, so first time Wincest is my biggest kink!! LOL, my AO3 history proves that!

Anyways, Weecest when Sam is maybe 15 (if you’re comfortable with that. If not you can make him older). The first time Dean kisses his baby brother, and oh ohhh wow they both think ‘this is perfect. I finally feel whole!). You can take it as far and as NSFW as you want!!!

Here’s a gif that you can use. I think it’s perfect for a first time !!

word count: 1855.

Read on AO3.

“Dean, how does kissing feel like?”

Dean freezes. He just took out the Winchester Surprise out of the oven for him and Sam to eat. It’s Sam’s fifteenth birthday today and Dean tries to make it as good as possible. Dad’s gone again, ditched them in a cabin deep in the woods. They’ve been alone for days already. 

Sam’s birthday is close to Beltane, a witch sabbat, of course dad is hunting. He’s always hunting when little Sammy turns a year older. 

“Mh, Sammy, that depends on a lot of things.” Dean turns around, carrying the steaming hot casserole to the table. He feels nervous somehow, that Sam asked him this question. It’s an easy question, easier to answer than Sam’s latest question why he sometimes wakes up and ‘wetted’ his boxerbriefs. 

But Dean has to give Sam the Talk, because no one else does and he tries to be as competent, rational and not embarrassed as possible. Sam had seen him with girls already and that even made it worse. The questions. The whys. The hows. 

And that Dean has an aching in his chest, for his brother, that just won’t go away.

“On what, Dean? Please tell me.” Sam’s cuddled up on the couch, staring on the old grainy TV screen. The series is muted. He’s looking at Dean with big, curious eyes.

Dean shows him to sit down at the table. 

“Come here, eat something and I’ll tell you, okay?”

Sam nods. Gets up and takes a seat at the table. His stomach is grumbling, Dean can hear it very clearly. Sometimes Sammy has troubles with eating, when he’s stressed or in a bad place emotionally. Dean notices so much but he feels like he never does the right thing. He never does it right. Sam is still not eating. Sam is still crying at night sometimes. He’s still cuddling up in Dean’s bed when he had a bad dream. 

Dean sighs and fills Sam’s plate. “Eat, please. I promise you I’ll tell you everything you want when you finish lunch. And I have a gift for you, too.” 

Dean smiles at Sam and Sam smiles back. It’s a clouded smile and it’s gnawing on Dean’s heart. He’s been rioting, rebelling for years himself, but Sam is different. He’s calm, he’s sad, he’s somehow dark sometimes. He’s often not here. Like he’s daydreaming. But worse. Far away.

“Just because you ask me to”, Sam says. 

Lately Sam started growing the first facial hair, so far it’s still soft and blonde and patchy, but Dean had shown him already how to shave. Sam doesn’t seem to like what’s happening to his body during puberty. Dean hated it at first, too. 

They finish their meal in silence, because Dean doesn’t know what to say, but when Sam takes the last spoon full of the Winchester surprise he keeps his promise. 

“So, kissing, Sammy. I wonder you haven’t done it already. The girl at school, Linda?, she seemed to like you.” 

Dean has indeed watched his brother and Linda way too closely. How she gave him this adoring glance, playing with her hair, laughing a little too loud, a little too long. Brushing Sam’s hand with hers. And Dean feels a raging jealousy when she does. And Sam smiles at her. 

“Yes, she does”, Sam replies, but he doesn’t look happy about it. “But I don’t want to kiss her.”

He looks up and his hazel eyes burn holes in Deans face. 

“Why not?” Dean asks, standing up and clearing the table. He puts everything in the sink and the rest of the casserole is put in the fridge. 

“I don’t think I like her how she likes me, you know?” Sam sounds guilty.

“Yes, I totally get that. You don’t have to, if you don’t want to. That’s one thing about love and the whole thing with, you know, being intimate with each other.”

When Sam’s not looking, Dean sips a beer. He’s old enough to drink but it’s barely late today and John told him not to drink in Sam’s presence. 

But John drank so much himself and he never gives a fuck who’s there. If Sammy’s up, if Dean’s out and gone, and who of his brothers finds him laying in a puddle of booze or - worse - his own vomit. 

“Dee, how does kissing feel then?”

Dean sighs and sits down at the sofa. “Come ‘ere, Sammy I’ll tell you.”

Sam accompanies him on the couch. He cuddles up again in his blanket. It’s still a bit chill somedays in May and they’re quite far up north. Dean considers to light the fireplace. “Shall I make it warm for us?”

Sam nods. “Yes, Dee. I’m a bit cold.”

Dean likes being the man in charge, looking for his baby brother. That’s his purpose he thinks. Nothing else matters but Sammy. And that Sammy is safe. And he will always be as long as Dean is alive. Even if being safe just means lighting some wood and make Sam feel warm. 

It doesn’t take long for the flames to linger and warmth fills the tiny cabin. 

“Kissing, Sammy. I think it depends on who you kiss. I imagine that, when you kiss Linda and you don’t like her that much, it won’t give you anything. But with a person you’re in love with or that, you know… makes you feel very hot and bothered, we talked about that, right? When someone drives you crazy already and then you kiss… you will feel like melting. It feels like hot jolts down your body, actually also cold. Both at the same time. It will feel amazing and breathtaking and you don’t want to stop ever again.” 

Dean turns around to Sam who’s looking right in the flames, cheeks red and lips slightly parted. He looks like he’s daydreaming again. 

“You heard me?” Dean asks.

Sam nods. Slowly. 

“Yah, sorry, I just imagined it.” Sam tilts his head. “Dean, I want to try beer.”

Dean frowns. “No way, Sammy. You’re too young for that and you know.”

Sam’s glance shifts from the fireplace to Dean and suddenly he looks way older than sweet 15. Dean gulps. 

“You started drinking when you were 13 years old, Dean.” 

Dean knew Sam had noticed it. And he wasn’t exactly proud of it. He was a bad influence and an even worse example. 

“That’s true, but you know it also got me in a lot of trouble, too.”

Sam’s eyes narrow. “But I’m here with you and I’m not asking you to help me do some funnel drinking. I just want to know why you and dad like it so much.” 

Dean gives in and hands Sam his can of beer that’s almost empty anyway. 

Sam takes a sip and he obviously hates it because he frowns and then swallows with a disgusted look on his face.

“That’s disgusting.” He says and hands Dean the can. 

“We don’t drink it because it’s so delicious, we drink it to make the world less… sharp. Less edges. Less hurt.”

Dean falls silent immediately. That sounds way too serious to tell Sam. 

“Sorry, that was a bit depressing.” 

Sam just laughs. He’s a teenager, he probably understands anyway. 

Then he leans onto Dean’s shoulder. Dean feels the jolt he just described to Sam and it’s good and bad and wrong and the only thing that makes Dean happy. And feel loved. Then Sam’s hand reaches for Dean’s and they hold each other for a moment. It’s still silent in here, only the cracking of the fireplace makes noise. It feels romantic, this moment. It shouldn’t. 

“You feel it, too. Dee? Please tell me you feel it right now…” Sam’s voice is soft but so brutal at the same time. 

Dean breathes in and out. “What do you feel, Sam?”

And Sam sighs. Loudly and painful. “Look at me.”

There’s no saying ‘no’ for Dean right now. He turns around and sees in his brother’s deep and quiet eyes. 

Sam’s so close now, he can smell the bitter taste of beer in Sam’s breath, sees the spreckles in his hazel eyes. His body heat. Dean’s heart is racing and he feels the jolt of heat and ice running up and down his spine, he can feel the tickling in his arms, like electricity. 

He wants to say “no, please, Sam, don’t make me do it.” but all he manages is a weak “Sammy…” before he kisses his brother’s lips. 

It’s an instant firework around them, inside them, something ignited and is going off at full power, full speed. Burning hot and consuming them. Sam is shy and his lips are trembling when Dean presses his lips on Sam’s, harder. Just a little. And then Sam swings his leg over Dean, sitting on his lap now. 

“No, no, Sammy,... don’t…” Dean whispers. It feels like the worst lie he’s ever told.

“Dee, please”, Sam breathes against Dean’s hot lips. “I want to know… I need to know…”

The world turns upside down. Inside out. And Dean’s arms pull Sammy, his Sammy, closer, kissing him again, this time he can’t hold back his tongue carefully sliding in the other’s mouth. 

Sam moans. 

‘Oh my God’, Dean thinks, ‘I’m gonna die for this.’

It’s a shy, a messy kiss, Sam is clueless and innocent and Dean is full of suppressed desire, full of doubts and self loathing for wanting this. Wanting his brother. 

When Dean needs to breathe, he stops for a moment, panting and his whole face feels like it’s burning off his skull. Sam clings onto him, silently moaning, or sobbing? A shaky little mess on his brother’s lap. 

“Dean, it feels like you told me…”, he says, sniffing. “I can feel it.”

“Me, too”, is all he can say right now. 

His body is raging with all the sensations, it’s almost too much to handle. He can feel his hard member pressing against his jeans and also Sam is clearly excited. 

Dean presses his forehead on Sam’s, both panting and saying nothing more. Sam’s skin under Dean’s palms is hot and slightly sweaty. 

“It’s wrong”, Dean says, he sounds bitter.

“I don’t care.” 

Sam grips him tighter. “I only want to kiss you. Not Linda. Not anyone else. No one makes me feel like this.”

They hold each other on this sofa, the world shrinks to the size of their bodies, there’s nothing else. They’re alone and lonely in here. No one matters, only them. And Dean can’t fight what he’s feeling now, what he had started feeling years ago.

So far, the yearning has only gotten worse. But now it’s found some relief. In Sam’s arms, his panting breath and the sweet moans whenever Dean’s tongue slides in Sam’s warm and eager mouth. 

It’s only a matter of time until Sam’s a moaning mess, mouth watering, eyes teary. Humping Dean’s lap. 

‘Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck.’

And then Sam gets up, legs shaky. 

“Please let’s go to bed…” 

Whatever Sam wants. He will get it.

It's his birthday and Dean is lost in his brother's eyes.

*