#and some sad traumatized freaks like myself

[budyak]

No time to heal

[ultimate-marysue]

I think a lot about Cass and Steph (zero surprise there), but particularly the way they view the no-kill rule. (Also, at some point this post turned into a fanfic and I don't know how it happened)

Cass is even more extreme than Bruce (mostly because Bruce Wayne as a character has existed so long and been written by so many people, there are contradictions). She would literally die rather than Killin someone else and even if Steph doesn't agree, she respects that. She resuscitates this guy Cass accidentally killed because she knows that's important to her. A difference from Bruce is the fact that Cass loves a redemption more than she loves the fully innocent. Bruce is ready to flip his shit when he finds out Cass killed someone as a child, but Cass is always ready to convince others of giving up on killing and forgive previous transgressions once they make the switch. But, let's not forget, she's all for not killing. That's her religion.

Steph on the other hand is way more ambivalent on the whole thing, but thinks that she should be allowed to use lethal force to protect herself and others. If her only way out of a situation is to slam someone's nose into their brain, so be it. I think she's closer to Green Arrows philosophy (read: I'm not going to kill you because I don't want to inflict that trauma upon myself) than Batman's. And it makes sense for her, she's not as perfectly trained as Batman, Nightwing or Cass's Batgirl, she doesn't have as many non lethal resources to get out of a fight alive. She will try, but if it's her or the bad guys, she's not going to hesitate (and she's most definitely not dying if she has any say on it).

I would kill to read a story where Steph is forced to kill in self defense and has to deal with the fall out. You just know all the other Bats are dragging her around to make a point and no one even cares how she feels about it or if she's okay. Bruce, Jason, Dick and Babs are all arguing about whose fault it is and how it could have been avoided (or if it should have been avoided). Tim would defend Steph, because it's not her fault that she didn't have any other options. Duke would say how absolutely insane the argument is because "what? Did you expect her to die?". Damian would be extremely stressed out trying to figure out if his assassin training would have taken over in that situation or if he would have found another way.

Then there's Steph. She's not engaging, she left the cave hours ago when it became clear that her input was not necessary (to those accusing her nor the ones defending her). Steph refuses to freak out in front of them, she's not taking their fucking condescension. She has just killed someone, for the very first time, in an extremely traumatic life or death situation. It could have been her. Some of her fellow vigilantes argue that it should have been her. That it was her responsibility.

There are so many awful feelings inside her right now because, yes, that guy was a piece of shit, but now he was dead. She had killed him. There's the inherent shock of it, the numb horror of how close it got, now that the adrenaline started fading out. But there's something more insidious, eating away at her heart. It comes in the form, not of Bruce's righteous anger or Jason's delighted glee. Not even Dick's sad puppy eyes of disappointment. No, it's Tim's well-meaning "It's not her fault that she didn't have any other options".

He's trying to placate Bruce, she knows. Tim has been Robin for a very long while, he's playing the argument that has the best chances to get her off the hook. But it is true, she did not have other options. Steph couldn't get out of that situation without resorting to lethal force. There was an implication there, an implication she knew to be true: that Tim could have found another way. That it only came to that because it was her.

Steph doesn't kid herself, she didn't figure Bruce's identity on her own like Cass and Tim. She didn't have any prior super special secret training like Damian, Dick or Cass. She didn't have powers like Duke. She wasn't specifically trained by Batman to be Robin like Tim and Jason, she got a Robin 101 at most. She barely got trained at all because no one except Tim and later Cass saw the point in it. Bats always told her to own it, that she didn't need Bruce's approval to be great, but that was easy from someone smart enough to hack the Pentagon on the daily.

When Cass sits beside her completely silent as usual, Steph has half the mind to push her off the roof. Cass would never be in this situation. Sure, she could barely read and her people-skills left a lot to be desired, but she was a fighting machine. And if it came down to it, everyone knew what she would choose. Still, she didn't push her friend away.

Cass, to her credit, did not try to lecture her or make her feel better. She offered some fries that Steph had to decline. Her stomach felt like a bottomless pit of despair, and she doubted fries would result in anything other than a disgusting puke fest. They stayed there in silence, staring up to Gotham's polluted night sky.

When Steph started to cry, Cass did not shush her. She did not offer empty words or justifications so she wouldn't feel bad with herself. There was no hint of the drama back at the cave, she simply rubbed her back in compromise circles.

"I know," she offered. "I know."

Steph wanted to tell her to fuck off, she didn't know what it was to fail. To not be strong enough, to prove everyone else right. Cass was the most perfect Bat ever, and much like Nightwing, better than Bruce himself could ever dream to be. She was so far removed from even the idea of knowing how Steph felt at that moment... Except she wasn't. Not completely.

Unlike Tim, she had killed before. Unlike Jason, it had destroyed her to the point of not even believing herself to be worthy of living. Had she cried that day? A look at her friends devastated expression is answer enough. So she hugs her. Steph hugs the only person that cares she's hurting. Cass is the only one that can claim she would have done the right thing, and yet, she's not casting any stones. She's hugging Steph back, offering an understanding that no one else seems to share.

They stay like that for what seems like forever, but by the time they break apart, Steph finally accepts the soggy cold fries. They're disgusting, but she's suddenly very hungry. No matter how guilty and inadequate she may feel right now, she doesn't regret living. Cass may not have made the same decision, but she's still standing beside her. Lord only knows what's actually going through her head, Steph doesn't have her ability to read people. She lays her head on Cass's shoulder, and the other doesn't push her away. That's enough for her.

[rednexxsaysthing]

So, I watched a 3hr playthrough of Mouthwashing

Here's my thoughts!

(Also- HUGE thanks to @chillenby , @oll13v3r , @max-1mum !!)

Spoiler warnings and the following trigger warnings: Rape, suicide, severe injuries, lots of death, pills, ship crash, gun, and so much more

♡ ·˚ ₊˚ˑ༄ؘGeneral Opinion✎ (❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈) ༉‧ ♡*.✧

This game is very well written and gave me such big Sally Face vibes. I watched Slimccl's VOD of him playing it and so it definitely helped me not freak the fuck out. I was SO SAD when Daisuke died cuz he never even got the chance to figure himself out :(

I related to Anya and Daisuke heavily, and lowkey Swansea joined my gigantic collection of fictional father figures. I really liked the art and the entire idea of something so simple as mouthwash becoming such a batshit wild scenario. Anywhizzle, onwards!

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚Anya˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀

God I felt so bad for her. I also really, really related to her. I had my own issues with sexual assault and then tried to "commit die" with pills afterwards (I'm much healthier and happier now). She made me feel terrible for her and she deserved so, so much better. Unfortunately, that's all I've really got for her.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥCurly. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄

I felt bad for him, really liked him, and also fucking hated him all at the same time. I felt bad for him for obvious reasons, but especially like, imagine the amount of pain he must've been in without even being able to convey it. At that point I'd either start biting people or beg them to kill me somehow. I really liked him because, I mean, c'mon. Before the whole Jexual Jassaulter thing he was pretty neat. I hated him because as a victim of SA I hated seeing Jimmy not get treated like shit after what he did to Anya. The least he could've done was protect her.

ೋღ 🌺Daisuke✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

God this poor kid. The one scene where he was drinking the mouthwash on the floor and just in despair CRUSHED ME. It was so unfair what happened to him :( I wanted to give him and Anya hugs so fucking badly. I hate Jimmy for manipulating him, especially since Daisuke never mentions his dad which hints at him having daddy issues of some kind, and seeking validation from men (at least as someone with daddy issues, I do). God, it was all just so sad.

Jimmy.

FUCK THIS GUY I HATE HIM SO MUCH OH MY FUCKING GOD IM SO GLAD THAT HE DIED IN THE END BECAUSE IF HE HADN'T I WOULD'VE FUCKING KILLED HIM MYSELF HE MADE ME EXPERIENCE RAGE BEYOND ANY COMPREHENSION I HATE THIS BASTARD OH MY GOD HE DESERVES ANY SHITTY THING HE EVER WENT THROUGH, IN FACT I HOPE IN THE AFTERLIFE HE GOES TO HELL AND HAS TO RELIVE EVERY TRAUMATIC EVENT HE EVER CAUSED SOMEONE BUT AS HIMSELF.

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.Swansea☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Silly old man <3 Google says he's the villain of the story?? Huh?? How?? I mean, I get he killed Daisuke, but it was with good intentions. He was a little hard on him too, but that's just a classic mentor/mentee relationship. So, yeah. I don't understand how Jizzy isn't the villain. How is the old man who at worst killed someone to put them out of pain (and didn't feel good about it either, he acts different for the rest of the game) the villain, and not the literal rapist?? Idk man

Thanks for coming to my TED talk <3

[tadpoleponders]

AFTG Annotated Playlist: Song #2

Song: Reptilian by PVRIS and MOTHICA

Author's Notes: I picture this song being about Neil thinking about is mother's death and how it drove him to actually fight back for once.

TW for parent death and just Neil's sad life lmao

Lyrical analysis under the cut! Thanks so much for the love on the last one guys I really appreciate it. This is a good outlet for me as sad as that is. Lines struck through are ones that don't really apply to the situation or character.

I took the keys, I took the car And set it on fire Ashes to ashes, dust to dust I never get tired

This stanza (verse? part?) is in reference to literally how Neil burned his own mother's bones in that fucking car, then barely stopped running until Millport. He had no choice but to never be tired, he never was safe

Two sided running diamondback (wishing I) I switch from exorcist to black (now I got) Your head inside a plastic bag There must be something in the water

A diamondback is a rattlesnake, something that blends in and is unassuming until you see its pattern and hear its rattle. Neil is exactly that. He's invisible and unremarkable until you get too close and see the pattern in his scales. He's waiting to strike, I think, at his father if he ever got the chance. We know he's fantasized about how Nathan would died, and I have to speculate that some of that had to have been at his own hand. He's also responsible for Riko's death, exorcising that demon from the world and switching immediately to a smile with his teammates, even though its reason is black and dark. He basically had Riko's head in a bag after talking to Ichirou, and the something in the water was the feds sniffing into Raven business.

Reptilian, gave it all away for Benjamins Cold-blooded when I win Ice drippin' off my skin Fight dirty and I'm venomous Reptilian, got me feedin' on adrenaline Cold-blooded when I win Ice drippin' off my skin Fight dirty and I'm venomous

In a way, Neil gave up his safety for the protection that his team's attention-grabbing position puts him in, the metaphorical version of the more literal money PVRIS sings about. We also (in reference to the cold blood and ice) have multiple references to Neil feeling like his veins were ice when in fight or flight, and outside of that amazing feeling of victory after games, he probably also felt terrified that every victory got him closer and closer the Edgar Allen. He's much more a runner than a fighter, but once he learns to stand his ground, he's a dirty fighter. He literally chews Riko out on national television after spending most of the summer freaking out internally about Riko eventually recognizing him. We can also safely assume he quite literally runs on adrenaline, as he barely sleeps because of night practices and is a traumatized mess.

Hypnotize 'em when I drop the bass (drop the bass) Always runnin', changin' up my shape (up my shape) Shed my skin and then regenerate (regenerate) I'm salty, lick it up, I love the taste (love the taste)

Not much needs to be said about these two lines, we know Neil sheds identities like a professional because he's always on the run.

Radio window out of phase (in my head) I took a pill to doom my brain (now I want) To feel myself disintegrate, yeah Now I'm naked in the water

These lines I think are interesting in the context of this song being about Neil, because in Columbia he didn't take dust on purpose, but I think he would've felt the buzzing (radio static) of it a little earlier than he did, isn't there a line about the caffeine going right to his stomach or his head or something? Either way, that drug (pill used as a loose term here lmao) doomed him a little, as upon realizing he was drugged did what any normal not suspicious person does and asked an employee to knock him out (feeling his barriers, his identity disintegrating, feeling naked in open water)

(Chorus)

Reptilian I get wicked, pretty vicious Reptilian I get wicked, I get pretty

(Chorus again)

Idk guys I lost momentum with this one about halfway through and felt like I was grasping at straws with some of the analysis. Next song is gonna be better I promise

[fallenclan]

vskldjf im glad you like Spottedember's design bcus she is so pretty and i need to sit down and draw her but im just so distracted to sit down and focus on doing that

but look at her she's my Main Character

literally fighting against saying "she has red hair, trauma, AND pronouns!" so hard rn and failing im failing

literally everything bad happens to her so much she's so miserable and sad now i love it <3

her moms killed her kittypet bio-mom and raised her to be Prim and Proper (haha get it bcus her mom's name is Primfoot? ...no? okay ill see myself out-) and she grew up when the clan was at war with literally every other clan (every single apprentice in her generation got scarred, some multiple times), and right after the wars stopped, a mass extinction event occured (cant remember what rn) and it killed her mom Rootshade who was deputy (Which is a WHOLE nother story involving cheating and affairs and WHY would you appoint the girl who cheated on ur husband deputy but anyway-), and the leader decided to make HER deputy?? for some reason?? she was just a baby??? (well okay she was 30 moons but still she's baby to me)

anyway she, Squirrelnut, and Hopestem became mates and I love to think that Squirrel and Hope always kept Spotted grounded and from freaking out cause she was so stressed from the pressure from her mom Prim and the responsibilities of being deputy in a clan that just really really likes being assholes and killing kittens. and i think they helped her be less like her mom/the rest of the clan to and try to choose kindness over violence. Hopestem actually got the message that she was a part of a prophecy!!! so i was like "these 3 are gonna make the clan good again"

and Spottedember became Spottedstar and you know the story---mass extinction event after mass extenction event decimated the clan until it was only Spottedstar, Squirrelnut, Skipnight (Hopestem's sister), and their kids. and it's really sad because all those apprentices Spottedstar has listed? most of those are all her kids, and specifically the kids born in "solo litters." Birchheather specifically kept getting injury after injury and didn't graduated until 15 moons, only to immediately die... during training sessions with them there would be messages where it said she didn't train them/did something else aside from training.

she's so traumatized and numb now, i love when horrible things happen

(its also really curious to me that her traits go from "childish" to "oblivious"... why? what's she being oblivious to? ...how evil her clan was? how abusive her parents were? things to think about)

(man i need to stop ranting and focus on my actual projects)

(hey also i think it's funny that both Swiftpaw her little brother and Swiftpaw her son died, especially because she totally named her son Swiftpaw after her brother. Swiftpaw's never live)

okay i should be drawing Mudsplash rn but. i just had to stop and do a quick doodle of Spottedstar hope thats okay teehee

of course you have red hair, trauma, two partners, an epic scar from the rat king, a rainbow collar, evil parents, and pronouns

[toxicityatitsfinest]

As a teen, I was an anti. This was partially because I was working through new trauma at the time thanks to a proshipper that posted all her work for minors and encouraged them to engage with her work in a sexual manner and beg her to draw porn for them, which is super fucking bad.

Because of this mindset I believed that if you made something, it meant you supported it.

It was so bad, that I heard the song Love the Way You Lie by Eminem and Rihanna and was convinced they were both actively supporting and romanticizing domestic abuse, purely because the song was from the abuser’s perspective and no one said “this is terrible and gross” in the song. That’s how bad that mindset is.

To an anti, you’ll always be romanizing something just for making it at all. It doesn’t matter if the story is from the perspective of the victim or the abuser. If the story isn’t explicitly stating “this is bad” every other sentence, the anti will accuse you of being a pedophile, or being an incestuous freak who wants to fuck your siblings.

They then spread this, and it leaves anti spaces and enters the general public as “this person is a proven pedo/proven incest weirdo”

All because of a comic or a drawing or a fanfic. You can get labeled, forever, as a monster. For pixels on a screen.

I’m against antis because I was one. Because I was both a part of this mindset, and harmed by it. I’ve seen first hand how that way of thinking kills all nuanced thought, and how hypocritical it can be. I loved yandere content, I loved kidnapping and manipulation and murder in media and fanfics, but I never shared that with anyone. And then I turned around and labeled other people as terrible just because they were brave enough to be honest about liking the same stuff.

I was unhappy and miserable, walking on eggshells because I was so scared everyone would be cruel to me for my interests, for the things I made fake characters I made up in my head do.

Honestly I pity antis. The minors don’t understand, they can’t fully process the harm they’re doing or why it’s bad. The adults were raised to think this hatred is normal, that it was for their own good that their interests were bullied out of them, that it’s okay to bully harass and dox others just because of what they draw or write. They even teach each other that some people are inherently bad, and their traumatizing incidents were deserved, because how dare they make something so degenerate?

It’s pathetic.

It’s sad.

It’s cruel.

I promised myself I’d never go back to that sad, pathetic, cruel person. I’ll never be truly public about my interests. About what I write or draw or daydream about. I’m terrified it’ll come back to bite me. I’m too scared to be truly myself online. And that’s also sad. But I’ll never pretend to be okay with antis. To be okay with abuse of real people for the sake of fake people.

I wanna be the same kind of rock for someone else. Some other 20 something or older who is unlearning cruelty, who needs reassurance that they aren’t dangerous or evil. That they aren’t a monster.

No one deserves to feel like a monster. Not when they haven’t done anything wrong. Not when some of them are the victims of real monsters, their abusers.

I have a loving community who is kind to me, I have amazing friends who make sure I’m not hating myself for stuff outside of my control. Antis made me miserable, scared, and angry. Proshippers make me happy, loving, and understanding.

I’ll let you guess which group was better for me.

[kidsomeday]

sending virtual head pats to help with life *pat pat*

i wanna hear more about "3. Bungou Stray Dogs Trauma Brainworm" for the wip ask game!! (i've mentally prepared myself for possible tragedy skdfljsdkfj)

I appreciate the virtual head pats! Life is just going through it's "pours" part of "when it rains it pours."

And what better way to cope than inflecting pain and suffering on my beloved favorites? This is so long. I tried to condense it down, but I have so many ideas and got excited. Below the cut for length and TW.

TW: sexual assault, rape, past child abuse, implied past child sexual assault, human trafficking

Fic is from Dazai's POV. So the premise of this fic is that the ADA gets hired to look into a human trafficking case, and when they show the symbol of the organization they think is responsible during a briefing Atsushi freaks out because a whole lot of traumatic, suppressed memories get remembered. Turns out this group used to visit the orphanage to "adopt" children, and while Atsushi was always "interviewed" Shibusawa was there and wouldn't let him get adopted out because he had his own torture plans. (nothing explict in the fic, but it will be outright stated what happened)

The entire ADA goes into full protective mode, especially Dazai who's like "okay i fucked up enough, here's a chance to keep my promise to Oda and protect the hell out of this orphan/protegee/friend."

Except. Atsushi gets kidnapped by the org, and even Ranpo can't find him.

Everyone is straight up having a bad time, especially when they finally manage to track down the person who was keeping the organization hidden (it's gonna be Ayn Rand using the power "Who is John Galt" and she's gonna get wrecked because I hate Ayn Rand), and they find the website where this organization is selling their product (all kids, special price for gifted) and the leader is like "not for sell because he's mine, but available for rent" is...Atsushi. In a very obviously abused (and worse) state. Commence the rescue. And, uh...justice. Dazai, Chuuya, and Akutgawa are the first ones there and while Akutagawa keeps his promise not to kill, Dazai and Chuuya made no such promise.

And here's where the fic really starts, because now we have Atsushi (who's gone mute from the trauma) attempting to heal, Dazai being a disaster and not knowing how to process his own issues and not being in a place to help others but he sure is trying, found family ADA all doing their best to help their own, and a bonus Chuuya and Akutagawa getting more emotionally involved than intended. Bonus side plots: Dazai and Akutagawa coming to terms with some of their shit, largely thanks to Kyoka pointing out the role Dazai played in how Akutagawa treated her and one VERY bad night where Dazai breaks down because Atsushi trusts him and Akutagawa is there for the aftermath, Kunikida realizing he cares a lot and wait how did that happen, that wasn't written into my life plan to adopt an adult orphan, and just so much Dazai, Chuuya, Akutagawa, and Atsushi all bonding because playing around with the complexities of that particular dynamic gives me life. And artist Atsushi, because I love that idea for some reason. There's not going to be a specific romance, and none of the bad shit will be explicit, but the whole thing is damaged people trying to help each other, sometimes failing, but mostly succeeding.

It will have a happy ending, because I'm not sure I'm capable of writing sad ones. And also feature a guest appearance by Koji Suzuki, because I both love him and also he's also a respected voice in child development in Japan and I absolutely have to use this knowledge. I have so many clear visions of specific scenes for this story, and I'm really excited for it, but also so nervous about getting it done right that whenever I start writing it I freeze.

But writing it all out like this has definitely reminded me of what I love about it so much!

[noridoorman]

More scrapped Nuzi fics (warning, some is angsty)

Fragmented/Fragments of the past/Echo/Whatever freaking title I had for this:

Uzi crawls on the ground, one arm missing and every inch of her metallic body feeling like extra weight she’s forced to carry. The room around her trembles, the walls shun a blinding white color, piercing the optical sensors of her visor. Some furniture pieces around her began to fade gradually into the white voice as Uzi continued pushing forward, crying out a name so familiar and yet so distant, grasping for something, anything, in her vicinity.

She hears another voice; a feminine one calling out the same name yet everytime it did, their voice would glitch or distort, making it unable for Uzi to hear it.

Yet she knew, the name somehow carried significance.

Uzi pushes forward, her vision partly recovering after having been assaulted by the light to see a silhouette in a glass capsule, several heavy machinery surrounding it. The silhouette turns to her and despite not being able to discern any facial features or attributes tied to the person she can see its somber smile as it kneels down to her level - or as far as it could go.

Again, Uzi calls this name as she stared at the figure, placing her hand weakly against the glass, a feeble attempt to break it. Sobs wreck through her body, begging the person, whoever they are, to get out of the capsule, to not do something that she couldn’t grasp no despite her own words repeating it. The figure’s eyes closed as they shakily exhaled, trying to communicate to Uzi yet all words came out as equally distorted as the name.

And yet, Uzi begged. Pleaded, cried, anything to convince the figure to leave. Yet it only responded by placing its hand against the glass, its words coming out glitched once again.

“Uzi, I love you…”

Her eyes hollow as the now clear words hit her audial sensors. A deep sense of both love and grief shocks her to the core, all sounds she once made fall mute as a sudden realization settles before her. For the few seconds of silence she had, the figure muttered a thousand apologies before the bright void engulfed them both.

What it was: this was meant to be a "what-if" kinda fanfic. Basically, N cannot take the thought of Uzi dying and looked for any chance for an alternative, which he found. He found a machine in the labs that could rewind time, bringing the time back to a time before they met. However, the machine needed fuel and N was the only one that could fuel it through his core. He sacrifices himself, despite Uzi's pleading. Time rewinds and Uzi wakes up without any memory of what happened and N has been completely ereased from the timeline. However, I really don't like sad endings and this fanfic would have ended on Uzi somehow remembering and bringing N back, however...

Why I scrapped it: I don't trust myself to handle heavy topics and angst and make it believable while also emotional. Plus, I started working on Cinnamon Scent and never found the time to develope it further than the prologue. And as time went on I thought of the concept to be boring and was scared it wasn't going to stick with others through all the other creative stuff out there.

Reborn:

"The absolute most angst-filled idea I could possibly think of for this series is N dying and Uzi proceeding to feed Eldtrich N living worker drones out of desperation, willing to sacrifice anyone to get him back. N revives but without any memory of what Uzi did to resurrect him,' with a traumatized, oil-stained Uzi hugging him in silence."

This was a comment a different Tumblr user made and I asked them if I could write a fanfic about it and they said "Sure". Aaaand, I never write it cause again; I don't trust myself with Angst.

Cinnamon Scent Chapter 5:

N // Today at 10:11 AM

“Uziii, I got the appel strudel u asked for! :D”

“But also… a bit of a surprise”

Uzi raised a brow at that, her mind already going in overdrive to try to think what surprise he might have planned.

Uzi // Today at 10:11 AM

“And that is?”

N // Today at 10:11 AM

“How do I say it ahhh”

“Well, it depends on you if it’s a positive or a negative surprise!”

Uzi // Today at 10:12 AM

“Don’t dodge the question”

N // Today at 10:12 AM

“Wahhh, you’re so scary when you’re serious!”

“It’s kinda hard to tell you bc they told me not to tell you”

Uzi // Today at 10:12 AM

“???”

“Who’s they?? Where are you?”

N // Today at 10:13 AM

“OO I said too much, we’ll meet u there!!”

“Wha?” Uzi whispers under her breath, an uncomfortable feeling emerges at the pit of her stomach, making her thoughts go even more in overdrive.

Did he bring a friend along?

With confusion and determination both etched on her face (and some sprinkled in nervousness) her pace quickens as she beelines towards the amusement park, ready to smack somebody if she needs to.

-

“Hey, Uzi!” Uzi turns around to the sound of N calling for her, spotting him standing near the entrance. And as Uzi had expected, he didn’t stand alone.

“That’s her?” A human with a large bow in her brown/reddish hair and a few freckles on her tanned skin. “It’s nice to finally meet you!”

“Yeah, so nice” A drone with her white hair styled into two twintails responded sarcastically, making Uzi forget about her shock for a second to glare at her.

“Don’t be like that, J!” V lighty smacks the shoulder of, who Uzi now knows is, J. J in turn glared at V’s direction, though the latter seemed not bothered by it.

“I… I didn’t expect you to bring your family,” Uzi chuckles awkwardly, pointing at all the new (and not so new) people behind N. He scratched the back of his head, opening his mouth to speak.

“Yeah, well-”

“We weren’t going to leave him alone with a stranger” J interjects, making N cower underneath her harsh gaze. Uzi only returns that, her shoulders tense.

“Friend. I’m his friend,”

“Guys, let’s not fight!” Tessa stands between J and Uzi, making N breathe a huge sigh of relief. Uzi’s eyes softened a bit, her stance growing less defensive. “N talked about an amusement park at some point. We all thought it would be fun to go together!”

“I wouldn’t be able to sneak out again anyway,” N shoots Uzi an apologetic smile that she returns with a soft sigh, both not hearing J yell in the background ‘again?’.

“No need to be sorry, bud,” Uzi hides her hands in her pockets, trying to mask her disappointment with a casual attitude. “It’s your family, I’m not going to deny you not taking them out here,”

“And we’ll get to spend more time together!” N cheers, looking excitedly at Tessa. “Right?”

“We’ll have to see how it will work with your schedule but otherwise, I don’t see why not!” Tessa ruffles N’s hair, chuckling.

“We’ll also have to see if she’s not a threat!” J argues back, however, it fell on deaf ears as everyone turned towards the entrance, all making their way inside the amusement park while J grumbled something under her breath.

“So, which rides look the most fun?” Tessa strokes her chin, looking at all the different attractions in her line of sight.

“The rollercoaster is pretty cool,” Uzi shrugs. “There should also be a carousel somewhere, but it’s for kids,”

“What about this?” N runs ahead towards a giant mechanical octopus with seats attached to its tentacles. “This looks fun!”

“And dangerous,” J crosses her arms, her eyes moving along the rotation of the octopus.

“I think it’s safe,” Tessa smiles, turning to Uzi. “Right?”

“Oh, uh, sure!” Uzi scrambles together an answer, somewhat surprised that Tessa would ask for her opinion. “I wasn’t on the octopus a lot, it always bored me. My mom thought it was tons of fun though,”

“I got us tickets!” V cackles as she hands each and every one of them tickets, with N taking it eagerly and J more reluctantly.

“V, you know we have to save,” J glares, making V roll her eyes.

“I know, I know, but we can take it easy once,” V hands the last tickets to Tessa. “What fun would we have if we saved every penny only for necessities?”

“They’re called necessities for a reaso-”

“J,” Tessa places a hand on J’s shoulder, making her eyes widen a bit. “Don’t worry about the money. I’ll take care of it”

“But-”

“See? Tessa got it covered!” V walks on the ramp as the ride stops, choosing eagerly which seat she’s going to take. “Besides, you should take it easy especially!”

“If this is what it's like to have siblings then I’m happy that my parents only adopted me…” Uzi speaks her thoughts out loud, flinching as N’s laughter rings out next to her.

“At least it never gets boring!” N takes her hand, leading her to two empty seats. Uzi’s core flutters at the contact, her eyes drifting towards their hands. N helps hoist Uzi up due to her smaller size, only intensifying her already prominent blush.

“I’m… really surprised they came along” A employee fastened their seats, taking their tickets with an odd look. Uzi returned the look with a glare before sighing. “How did you convince them?”

“Oh, there wasn’t any convincing needed!” N beams. “Tessa wanted to go somewhere, I just mentioned the amusement park!”

“Did you tell them about me?” Uzi grips the edges of her seat as the ride slowly begins.

“A little, yeah” N admits sheepishly. “J got suspicious that I knew about the amusement park”

“Of course” Uzi rolls her eyes, her grip tightening as the ride picks up speed.

“Tessa was all for it!” N grips Uzi’s hand, squeezing it as fans begin to whirr louder. “Th-This is my first time here, you don’t mind that I…?” N’s gaze flickers towards their hands, making Uzi shake her head frantically.

“N-Not at all!” Uzi squeezes his hand back, partially to reassure him, partially due to her internal panic. “Be warned though, it’ll get faster,”

“Faster?!” N yelled as the seats began to spin along with the giant octopus in the middle. Uzi cackled as the ride began to spin quiet fast in all directions while N’s grip on Uzi’s hand tightened, screaming as the seats moved up and down.

“Are you afraid?!” Uzi yells, her smile disappearing as she looks at N. However, a nervous smile etched on his face as turned to Uzi.

“This is awesome!” He kicked his feet in the air as the ride continued, making Uzi laugh in response.

Despite the wind tossing and turning her hair in every direction, the adrenalin in her body going on overdrive or the constant spinning of the ride, the feeling of N’s hand intertwined with her’s turned her entire brain functions into mush.

-

“That was so cool!” V fist bumps in the air as she excitedly jumps off the ride with the rest trailing behind. “We should do that again!”

“Yeah, right, it wasn’t THAT exciting!” J crosses her arms, a frown etched on her face.

“I saw you laughing like crazy, J!” Tessa giggles, fixing up some strands of J’s hair. “Admit it, you liked it,”

“J-Just a little!” J balls her hands into fists but doesn’t fight back against Tessa’s hands undoing her twintails to make it even again. “It’s still overrated!”

“What J actually meant was, thanks for taking me out on this fun trip away from my crippling workload and the same walls I have to witness every day!” V holds her shorter hair up, mimicking J’s hairstyle, posture and voice.

“Aren’t you mature?” J rolls her eyes as Tessa ties the first pigtail up.

“We’re kids, let’s enjoy it as long as it lasts!” V rests her hands on her hips, a smug grin on her face.

“V is right, J” As Tessa finally tied up the last pigtail she kissed the top of J’s head. “I wanted us here so that we don’t have to hide away anymore,”

J groans, her arms dropping to her side.

“Where did you guys live before?” Everyone's eyes turned to Uzi who immediately felt herself shrink under their intense stares. “...too much?”

“I-I can tell you sometime later!” N places a hand on her shoulder. “Right now, let’s just enjoy our… Wait, what’s that?!” N instantly runs away, leaving them all dumbfounded and scrambling towards his direction.

“N, don’t just run off like that!” J scolds as they finally reach him, his gaze concentrated on a giant Shiba Inu plush hanging from the side of a stand. Cans are stacked on top of each other with more different plushies and prices hanging on the sides.

“Do you want this?” Uzi points at the Shiba Inu plush, making N rapidly nod his head.

“Yeah, but… I’d have to win to get one,” N sadly scratches his arm as he eyes the plush.

“My mom used to be really good at those, she taught me a thing or two” Uzi responds somewhat smugly, yet a shy blush showed itself on her visor. “Maybe I could try winning you one?” Uzi smiles, her hands resting on her hip. N’s eyes brightened as he happily bounces on the spot.

“Only humans can participate,” V points at the sign, her expression turning sour. “How stupid…”

“I can try!” Tessa beams, handing the vendor money. “I’m probably not as good but it’s worth a shot,”

“Really?!” N claps his hands, they light in his visor shining somehow brighter. Tessa nods eagerly, grabbing one of the three balls on the counter, raising her hand behind her shoulder to throw the ball. Her eyes squint as pure concentration etched itself on her face, every fiber of her being channeled into landing the perfect shot. The drones all gather around her, looking with both excitement and unease in their eyes.

However, for Uzi, all she saw were the static covered eyes, an image of what should be her mom standing there, ready to throw the ball. Khan places a hand on Uzi’s shoulder, making her look up to him with a curious gaze.

Nori throws one ball and misses.

Wait… Mom never missed?

She throws another. Again, miss.

That’s not a memory.

“Come on, Nori, you can do it!” Khan cheers, looking as if he doesn’t see what Uzi is seeing. The static over her eyes, the clouds in the sky going faster than they should and the feeling of the breeze hitting them in all places at once.

Nori throws again. This time, all the cans fall down.

Cheers emerge from all directions of Uzi’s auditory sensors, voices so familiar and strange.

“Look, Uzi!” Uzi jolts as N holds the Shiba Inu plush at her face, recoiling slightly at her reaction. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you!”

“N-No, it’s fine, I was just… thinking?” Uzi shakes her hands.

“Explains why you stood there like a zombie,” J crosses her arms, raising a brow. Uzi opens her mouth, ready to defend herself until N presses the Shiba Inu plush again against her face.

“Look how adorable it is!” He offers for Uzi to hold it but she raises her hands in the air instead, taking several steps back.

“Uh, I-I…It’s cute,” N’s head tilts to the side, a puzzled frown on his face.

“Your fans are really loud!” Tessa notes, kneeling down to Uzi’s level. “Are you okay?”

“I-I’m fine!” Uzi takes more steps back as Tessa tries to place a hand on her forehead.

“Are you sure-”

“Bite me! I said I’m fine!” Uzi crosses her arms.

“Watch your tone!” J takes some threatening steps towards Uzi but is stopped by N who stands protectively in front of her.

“J, stop,” N says with a somewhat authoritative tone, surprising everyone. “She probably just feels overwhelmed. Leave her alone,”

J raises a finger, her mouth opening but after several seconds of no sounds coming, her hands fall to her side.

“I think we should all take a break,” Tessa says, trying to defuse the situation. “Maybe we could sit on a bench and stare at the ocean for a bit,”

“Great idea, my legs are starting to hurt,” V stretches her arms above her head, exhaling heavily before walking ahead. “Come on,”

“Do you know where you’re going?” N asks, staying next to Uzi’s side who looked at the ground, absent minded.

“It shouldn’t be that hard to find a quiet corner!”

“You’re walking into the crowd,” J groans.

“Hey, trust my intuition once!” V glares, looking behind her.

“Your intuition got us in more trouble than it actually helped” A exasperated sigh escapes J’s lips but V only chuckles in response.

“Like that one time in the mall?” J cracks a small smile as V mentioned the incident, making Tessa laugh along.

“We were looking so long for you two!” Tessa picks up her pace to walk between V and J. “What made you guys think that hiding into the gaming store was a good idea?”

“It was V’s intuition that made her think you’d look for us there first,” J rolls her eyes albeit with a smile. “Truthfully, I think she just wanted to look at the games there”

“Lies!” V gasps dramatically. “How dare you accuse me of such a thing!”

“It was the truth, wasn’t it?” N laughs from behind the three. “You told me, V!”

“N, you suck!” V yells, making both Tessa and J burst out in laughter.

“Ah, oops, shouldn’t have revealed it, huh?” N scratches the back of his back, a sheepish smile on his face.

The three began telling more stories of the past, recounting incidents or happy memories and sharing smiles and laughter together. However, N caught on to Uzi’s silence and somewhat distant behavior the whole time.

“Hey,” Uzi jolts slightly as N places a comforting hand on her shoulder. “You good?”

“Yes, for the thousandth time, I’m fine,” Uzi sighs.

“You’ve been so quiet though,” N sheepishly smiles. “Sorry about, uh… all this,”

“All what?” Uzi raises a brow.

“I should have told you my family was coming along and not make it out to be this surprise.” An unusual somber expression falls on his face as his lips twitch downward to a frown. “I’m sorry for overwhelming you like this,”

Uzi opens her mouth to speak again but N kept on rambling.

“In fact, I probably should have gone alone!” Slight panic arises in his expression, making Uzi feel a pang of sympathy in her chest.

This is scrapped because I felt embarrassed about the family drama. However, this is only the snippet of what's being edited, there's a ton that will stay the same bc it's Khan and Uzi bonding stuff :3

[ladysomething]

maddie, you're a freak. but a good one. as in those geniuses that were called freaks for being so so good kinda freak

1. look, I'm sad. of course. but I'm also relieved? I ended up being correct- to some extent (btw so did you. I did crashed over my bf, although it was before we broke up. that how we met. what a mistake. I should've pressed the gas harder) and now I happen to be traumatized over Max’s dream world, but that also means I know how his dream world is like! and. heaven, I'd unalive myself if I had to live that shit every. fucking. night. you're evil.

2. wygig kelly is my icon. queen. love her. P also. I'll also build her something. maybe a statue. btw do we ever learn who the fuck was the asshole that dared hurt her? or is it just... someone random. there are a lot of assholes walking around those streets. and also, the foreshadowing of something bad happening because you pretty much said "what's the worst this that can happen?" wants me to rip my hair out. buuut. I've decided to be positive for once because if Max is not going to be it, I will. they will speak and Kelly and P will be safe and Charles will understand. done. I'm a seer of future.

3. Max is an idiot, though I think we already knew that. but he's also an idiot who has a backstory- and a good one at that. poor little maxie never learned to control or deal or even understand his feelings. I want to push him into a bed and wrap him up with soft blankets and give him a sedative for horses and then read him the beauty and the beast and then give him a forehead kiss and then wish him good night. not in that order probably. the tale should come. before the sedative.

4. Sophie deserves every little good thing that there is in that fucked up world. I, also, wish to hug her. the diabetes my dad inherited me rushed to my blood about 15 years earlier with her. I love her. and Max being the mama's boy he rightfully is healed me.

5. can I repeat the procedure I already I carried out with my ex, but this time with Charles? I promise I'll try my best at being gentle, I know he's suffered as well. what. do. you. mean. he's not left Max's room. wHAT. WHAT.

6. +1. jos verstappen they will never make me like you. the only useful thing you've done ever in your life, was creating Max and Victoria. only that.

7. +2. my brother says that, I quote, he has already forgiven you for making him sad. that he begs you to never leave him with a cliffhanger like that again. (I tried to explain that's not how it works and that he has to be patient because you shall not be overworked in my sight.) then he apologized saying that's not what he meant and asked if you're doing good great nice. and that poor Max. and then poor Maddie. he says that he could've never kept such a plot twist to himself for so long. my roomie says that you're a freak as well. he means it good, too. and we all three wish you a (early) happy birthday hun! 😘 enjoy it.

I cannot finish without saying, I loved the chapter. you're a freak* ❤️

(*see the top paragraph for definition)

I FUCKING KNEW IT. GOD I'M GOOD.

we do of course learn who hurt Kelly. in fact, that information will be coming sooner than you think ..

truly max does need someone to calmly and gently explain to him how emotions work, and how he needs to channel them constructively rather than just be terrified that something bad will happen to anyone he cares about. I'm sure Max would argue that buying Charles and lying to him to keep him safe IS a constructive use of his emotions but. you know. there's a reason I'm the author and he's the idiot.

god I LOVE Sophie. the way she's had like two lines and I would die for her ...

CHARLES IS ALSO GOING THROUGH IT OK. he's also just a little traumatised pookie 😭

+1. when I was in Monaco, I saw the actual Jos Verstappen across the track. when I tell you I was sending him extreme glares even though he couldn't see them ... hopefully he picked up on my bad vibes though

+2. tell your bro that I was STRUGGLING. but also that there are several plot twists coming up that have been way harder to keep a secret, and that I still struggle with holding in. soooo. also the three of you teaming up to call me a freak .......... us all having a party when

[ungodly-amounts-of-godly-trauma]

wotw round 1

propaganda under the cut!

childe/tartaglia/ajax:

Though, i will say that this is better than the frequently seen alternative of making him a funny goofy man who everyone hates for some unknown reason (the hatred would make some sense in canon but people always seem to do this in modern aus), most of the woobifying is done in the name of shipping (nothing against shippers or shipping btw i'm a huge shipper myself), where they take all the more 'desirable' aspects of his character, like his love of fishing and love for his family, and drop all the grey morality. They also tend to ignore his past traumatic experiences unless it works for whatever they're trying to do with him (which is pretty surprising when it comes to woobifying). Though, ocasionally they woobify or mischaracterize him in fun ways, like crack fics or character-reinterpretation, but usually it's just frustrating, he can be silly and a good big brother while also being an international criminal =/

erik destler/the phantom:

Imagine a guy who’s born w/ congenital syphilis and has a Tragic Childhood raised in a freak show etc etc bc of it but then instead of doing anything normal he decides to be yandere and horrible about it. lives in the basement of the theatre and lies to, manipulates, brainwashes, kidnaps, at one point PRETENDS TO BE THE DEATH FATHER OF the woman he wants. kills two people, almost kills a third. Yes in the end he realizes the error of his ways and lets christine go free but like….. buddy…. everyone Including Andrew Lloyd Fucking Webber is just like “aww he’s so sad :( he and christine are true love….” as if the phantom didn’t literally do. (gestures vaguely at the plot of the musical)

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Hyperspecific poll time!!

Here's a bunch of things from movies/shows that traumatized me as a kid... and I need you to know I'm not american so some of these things might be like. Well not so familiar with the general public ;) (with the general public I mean non-europeans and/or non-swedes). BUT, obviously I grew up with some more "mainstream" things too that traumatized me.

So let's go!

*It's a 2 second clip and they CUT BACK TO IT SEVERAL TIMES DURING THE AUGUSTUS GLOOP SONG AND THIS IS WHY I CANNOT SEE THE SCENE NORMALLY BECAUSE I GET FUCKING JUMPSCARED EVERY TIME SERIOUSLY I'VE TRIED TO WATCH IT AND EXPOSE MYSELF TO IT AND I JUST CAN'T. AND IT'S SO SAD IT'S SUCH A BOP OF A SONG AND THE OOMPA LOOMPAS HAVE AN ICONIC CHOREOGRAPHY AND I CAN'T WATCH IT PROPERLY BECAUSE AT ANY SECOND HIM SHAKING IN THE PIPE POPS UP AND I GET JUMPSCARED

**I wasn't scared, more REALLY uncomfortable and it's been stuck in my brain every since I saw it and gives me the ick. And this is a Dan Schneider show and it's interesting that THIS was the thing that traumatized me

***THE HOTEL ONLY HAS 16 FLOORS... THERE IS NO 17TH FLOOR. AND WHEN ELOISE DISCOVERS IT, EVERYONE ELSE JUST DITCHES HER AND SHE'S ALL ALONE IN THE DARKNESS AND SHE MAY NOT HAVE BEEN SCARED BUT I WAS. I GOT NIGHTMARES.

****A kid was gonna visit something called an "apple grandma" (this is how they translated this in the swedish dub so idk), but they go to the wrong apartment and has to hide around the house as this man comes looking for them and YELLING and it felt so scary knowing what would happen if they got caught. Like it felt like a life or death situation (probably because they shot it from the kids perspective), but I have also not seen this since I was literally 5 because it stopped airing after that

***** Pippi had this magical power in the 1969 series where she could mimic other voices perfectly, and the most scary voice was the deep man voice. In this episode, she sat in her tree, and then the camera panned to the mannequin hand that she stole earlier in the episode, waving from the little hole inside, and the DEEPEST MAN VOICE said "goodbye, thanks for today". Freaked me out so much.

[angelic-omega]

An analysis of myself and the characters I relate to that nobody asked for but I totally recommend doing!!

Just a warning it’s kinda sad but I needed to know how I could relate to all these seemingly very different characters and I am a SCIENTIST!!

A: Fussy, Posh, Foodies who have claim to have high standards. Eclectic with very niche interests such as literature, classic music, ancient history, wine, roleplay, slight of hand, tartan, dim lighting, statues, and being old men who can’t work modern technology. Both prefer to do things the old fashioned way and have a distaste for anyone unnecessarily rude. Both are too polite and have a reputation of being polite so they won’t speak their mind in person but will find a way to get that person on the right path later.

B: Religiously traumatized people pleasers who always try to do the right thing and always get hurt for it. Kind, caring, and gentle souls who are forced to change to better humanity. Actually an eldritch creature trying to pass as human and despite being as courteous as possible are still slightly unnerving at times. Think they are being smooth but aren’t and both are clearly in love with their bad boy, car obsessed, classic rock and roll best friends. Both are actually really intelligent in their own ways but are perceived as stupid and infantilized. Chronic insomniacs who either forget to sleep or simply don’t want to sleep. Give the best cuddles and you can’t change my mind.

C: Forced to be strong and fight when all they ever wanted was peace and to be left alone. Queens of making poor decisions when it comes to relationships. Chosen as leaders because of their strength they didn’t chose to have. Just want to live a gentle, carefree life but now have ptsd and can’t. Protective of their siblings and have a strong sense of justice.

D: soldiers who did some bad things and now blame themselves for all the pain they caused. Nightmares of them hurting people that then make them think they are a bad person and don’t deserve kindness. Lost a part of themselves trying to survive and will never get it back.

E: Experienced with knives and have a staring problem. Both shut off in a physical fight and get eerily calm as a trauma response. Both could easily snap and kill someone if pushed but mostly keep to themselves so long as no one goes out their way to piss them off. Unintentionally hurt those they love most because they can’t express an emotion in a healthy way to save their life

F: 100% chance they secretly love wearing dresses because they are pretty and comfortable. shy and soft spoken in the streets but absolutely freaks in the sheets~ bisexual but everyone just calls them fruity little gay men including themselves

G: Will say they are going to do as you’ve asked them but if they don’t agree with it are going to not do what you asked them to do. Stubborn divas who you cannot make betray their hearts. Always on some sort of secret mission and always having something up their sleeve they are keeping from everyone just to reveal it dramatically at the right time.

H: Brainwashed and gaslit so hard they don’t even know what they want out of life anymore

I: Are jokingly mean as a flirting tactic

J: All definitely still have a working land line and a desk top computer. Take their taxes seriously.

K: All have been through past trauma and abuse which caused them to act and behave in ways that felt out of character. Could never be true to themselves and cannot catch a break. Could have really had their shit together if it wasn’t for circumstance but nonetheless are trying to make things right because deep DEEP down they are good people…they just end up making bad decisions because they don’t know how to emote. Authority issues out the ass but somehow all bottoms…(idk if they are or not but it’s funny to say) definitely all have PTSD and definitely feel like a failure because they can’t heal from their trauma.

[bloody-wonder]

assuming you've read tsc, what are ur thoughts?

mixed feelings, anon!

on the one hand, tsc is just another confirmation that nora is a talented writer - i think the dialogue especially is where she really excels. the reading experience was overall very fun, i did enjoy seeing my faves again. neil is an icon, obviously. the culture clash between jean and the trojans was Comedy Gold. and it was interesting to see an exploration of a different trauma response than we've seen in aftg in jean.

on the other hand, i feel like jean's story in tsc mirrors neil's story in aftg - a troubled youth joins an exy team where he will make new friends and get better mentally - but is like. a simplified and less compelling version of that. it's good that jean is his own character, i don't need him to be a copy of neil, but i gotta say - neil's cameo appearances totally stole the show and made me wonder why i wasn't reading a book about him instead. however, it's all the other characters who were the real problem - it felt like i'm reading a version of aftg where a less fun iteration of neil joins an exy team consisting just of the upperclassmen and nicky hemmick which uhhh,, if you've read some of my old posts you know how i feel about him so there was no chance in hell i'd like cat alvarez and her whole shtick. the foxes felt good for the soul bc there was a balance between the upperclassmen's and the monsters' type of care for neil - and crucially neil chose the latter group to be his close circle, among other things, bc he felt they could understand him better. by constrast, jean is alone with the trojans who don't give any credibility to his claims that they just can't understand what he went through, don't respect his right to keep his trauma private and just keep trying to force his "recovery". aftg felt like a bunch of freaks with various but equally fascinating issues put in close quarters and you watch them sometimes butt heads, sometimes uplift each other in the most unexpected ways. tsc however felt like a bunch of normies bullying a traumatized kid - so basically one of those obnoxious fics where the upperclassmen are all in neil and andrew's business.

jean's bisexuality was a double-edged sword too: on the one hand, i felt very smug reading about how his attraction works bc 1) it's so obviously different from neil and 2) wow turns out years of psychological, physical and sexual abuse do not in fact take away your sexuality! le gasp! surprised fucking pikachu!! crazy how through all of this jean is still bi. the human spirit is unbreakable. (unless your mom hits you for kissing a girl, then it's breakable). so i did feel vindicated but at the same time this was not relatable to the point that i can't see myself getting invested in jean and jeremy's developing relationship. nothing is more of a turn off for me in fictional romances than when both of them are immediately attracted to each other and let the reader know in no uncertain terms. where are the mind games? where are the intricate rituals? it feels like a lazy shortcut. but good for them, i guess?

sooo idk. i didn't hate tsc by any means but i'm sad i didn't enjoy it as much as my mutuals😭

[pallorpyrearch]

𝙼𝙸𝚂𝙲𝙴𝙻𝙻𝙰𝙽𝙴𝙾𝚄𝚂 :: Toya's birthday +

I was suppose to make this post yesterday for the occasion but ended up busy so, lemme talk about some little misc things about Toya, mostly related to his birthday/childhood. Toya and Shoto's birthdays are very close together ( like, only a week apart, actually ) In fact, when Rei would tell Toya that Shoto was his birthday present. Toya always had ambivalent feelings about this, some excitement to have another sibling, some dread that Shoto was going to finally be what Enji wanted, which made his life feel more scary and uncertain.

This unfortunately ended up being true. Even though I've mentioned Toya doesn't blame either of his brothers for his father's abandonment of him, as this already occurred before they were born, Toya still felt dread and sadness for the idea that once Enji did get a child with a perfect quirk it would be so much harder for him to earn his place back in the family, which meant yes, Toya often behaved jealously toward Shoto all the same.

Its funny ( tragic ) to note that Shoto and Toya's birthdays are so close because Toya was born premature. Toya, if carried full term, would have been born more in the beginning of February.

Toya had a notorious meltdown on his twelfth birthday. This incident included Fuyumi being the one to pick out his cake, which was My Melody themed because she liked My Melody and thought it was cute that Toya and My Melody shared a birthday.

This resulted with Toya collapsing into tears at the sight of the pink frilly cake and storming out of the room to much awkwardness, upset and confusion from the Todoroki caretaker ( Implied to possibly be Rei's mother ), Fuyumi and Natuso. Toya wasn't actually upset about the cake as it seemed, he was upset because his mother and father weren't there as they had important school bookings to take care of with Shoto. For Toya, this was of course a build up of the severe neglection and rejection he'd been feeling for years, not necessarily just this one event. He still has beef with My Melody though, despite the fact those things weren't actually related. Speaking of Toya and things he has beef with for silly childhood reasons: He's stated he hates fish. Why ? Funnily enough this is also related to a tragic, traumatic misunderstanding when Toya was small. He loved the Koi fish in the pond of their family garden. Toya, when he was very small, would spend time talking to and feeding these fish. They're the closest things to pets Toya had so one afternoon when he was told they were having fish for dinner, baby Toya freaked out, mistaking them to be talking about his Koi fish friends, instead of completely unrelated fish. Though the misunderstanding was cleared up, Toya doesn't like fish and wont it eat it if he has the choice.

🧷 And lasty, unrelated, because I'm too lazy to make a whole separate post about it : Toya can't speak any English at all ! He never made it to education beyond the 6th grade. He doesn't understand English to read it, speak it or write it. I imagine myself as translating what he says when I write him but basically if your character exclusively speaks English/doesn't understand any Japanese you're gonna have a funny time trying to interact with Toya.

This being said, Toya has a couple of "offensive" pins from America that are in English which he thinks are hilarious. Some of his favs include: "Its not an addiction until you've sucked dick for it" and "I can do anything with a little profanity and sarcasm". These are proudly pinned, among others, on his waist bag. As a result, the only English words Toya can recognize to read and speak are things like "ass, cunt, bitch, dick, fuck." etc, which he also thinks is hilarious. Its the trouble making punk anarchist coming out in him. He finds nothing funnier than a bad word that makes old people look at you like you back handed all their ancestors.

[the-cat-chat]

August 10, 2024

Father of the Bride Part II (1995)

George Banks must deal not only with his daughter's pregnancy, but also with his wife's.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: And we're back! Although we didn't love the first Father of the Bride movie, we were curious enough to want to know what happens next. And what happens next? A lottttttttttt. Some would say too much.

There's a bunch of little plots and conflicts that kind of go nowhere, and I would love for this sequel to have been simplified. Here's what I would have loved to have happened in this movie--the daughter gets pregnant, Steve Martin's character freaks out about being a grandfather and getting older, bring back Franck and the in-laws for the baby shower, daughter learns that her dream job is far away, Steve Martin's character is sad but encourages her to move away with her baby and husband. Bittersweet goodbye. The End.

As it stands, there is too much going on. Steve Martin's character did not need to have another baby, the house didn't need to be sold and then repurchased in this bizarre non-funny way, there didn't need to be a whole part about expanding the house (and staying in the in-laws mansion), and obviously, there didn't need to be such an emphasis on having a young, female doctor deliver the baby. Like what was that?? I would have cut all of that and gone back to the roots of the movie, which is the relationship between father and daughter.

It's like they had so many ideas and somehow wanted to include them all in one movie. So yeah.

Rating: 4.5/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: Sometimes, honestly frequently, I question my decisions and where they’ve led me. And this sequel might be in my top ten of my whole life. It’s not that it was bad- but it was surely painful. It’s exactly like Jaybell says. There’s way too much happening for whatever reason. Like having another baby at the same time (and then literally the SAME moment) is bad enough. It’s enough plot. I mean in reality that would cause so much family drama. And this is gonna sound terrible. But I already said in the first review how I don’t like Diane Keaton as an actor- but it was unbelievable she was going to be having a baby again. I’m soooorrry. And soo that kinda distracted me. And can I just ask where the little brother kept disappearing to?? And why no one was ever concerned? And can I just air the fact that I understand it’s the 90s but to have Franc design that “Babyland” room and it supposedly cost so much- it was ugly and just literally toys? Anywho def avoid the third part even though it’s like 23 minutes and triggering pandemic material with bad green screen zoom chats. Watching 15 seconds of that took the remaining bits of soul I had.

^ I’m gonna knock it down a point too bc I’m traumatized from this movie that I can’t bring myself to watch the new season of Only Murders in the Building 😢

Rating: 3/10 Cats 🐈

[fictionkinfessions]

[《 Fandom this post is about : «“Persona ５”»｜«“Persona ５ ROYAL”» 》]

[CW : Mentions of death(?), locking people inside ____, potential depersonalization regarding __mi__ (name is a spoiler), maybe some other stuff but those are the major ones I believe?]

[WARNING : This post contains major, MAJOR spoilers for (if I recall correctly) the last parts of «“Persona ５ ROYAL”», please scroll if you haven't finished the game or plan on doing so!]

❂——✧——✧——✧——✧——✧——❂

♧ – « “Oh god, I just realized that my first post may somewhat imply (depending on how you look at it) that I actually took Maruki's deal oh crap” »

♤ – « “heyyy, guys.. I hope that's not what anyone thought, that was just me remembering stuff and being sad because we all went our separate ways and also because someone I really cared about was freaking 💀 😞” »

◇ – « “That being said, it would have been horrifying to be in such a reality. Especially because the whole ‘solution’ was just: ‘oh, you're sad? Bingo!!! NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!!’, and it didn't really get rid of the root problem.” »

々– « “It felt more of a childish solution to (almost) every problem there could have been. Simply being “happy” all of the time..” »

♡ – « “Not to mention, Sumire wouldn't have even gotten her sister back, she would just have stayed as Kasumi forever, but you know what's somehow WORSE?” »

❅ – « “That it would have been just an idealized version of Kasumi. 😕” »

✪– « “It didn't really feel like he was that same trustworthy therapist I kept going to whenever I felt sad, or whenever I just wanted someone to talk to for all of those months.” »

☆ – « “Which is sad.” »

❀ – « “It's always been sad, seeing how people you have grown to like, or even those you didn't, show their true colors like that.” »

✸ – « “He didn't have bad intentions, of course, but that doesn't remove what he was doing. Good intentions don't remove the wrong actions someone can take to fulfill something.” »

❆ – « “That's why he had a palace, no?” »

✧ – « “But.. even with that being said.. even despite everything that happened.. I feel as though, somehow, I still can't say that I hate him with complete confidence that it's true. I just.. don't know what to feel or think about him. I didn't want my friends to be caged in such a reality, but if they were all going to have the very things they longed for.. was breaking that bubble really the right thing to do? No, of course it was, but sometimes it feels like I did something wrong by not accepting that deal, as terrible it would have been.” »

❂ – « “So if any Maruki is reading this.. please get a therapist for yourself and refrain from giving anyone therapy until you no longer feel like running away from problems or traumatic stuff is somehow better than accepting that they happened. Seriously.” »

✮ – « “Have a nice day, doctor, but please don't try to come near any of my friends or even acquaintances until then. That's the least you could do after that.” »

❂——✧——✧——✧——✧——✧——❂

[ Side notes : ]

— #❂🥞🐈‍⬛✮

(《✮ «“Ren Amamiya”» ✮｜❂ «Akira Kurusu» ❂｜♧ «“Joker”» ♤ fictive + fictionkin》)

(How I managed to forget to put the custom tag in post number 6 I will never know.. side effects from using symbols and decorations on excess 😞)

(I should start making more shout outs to certain people in the side notes actually..)

(shout out to Yusuke and Ann!!)

(FINALLY FINISHED DECORATING EVERYTHING, WAR IS OVER 😭😭 I know I said I liked doing this, but sometimes I just wanna share little silly stuff that happens to me.. and then I find myself suffering because I just so happened to believe that decorations on the last few posts I made was the GREATEST idea ever 😞 this is why I forgot to put the custom tag I swear to god 💔)

[ Post number : ７ ]

(slowly becoming a regular here..)

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