#and someone replied ''as a FELLOW AROACE''

[that-disabled-princess]

When people take your statement about being aromantic and go "as a FELLOW AROACE--" like babe. I'm not aroace. I never said I was ace. Stop assuming all aromantics are also asexual.

[olderthannetfic]

The ace asks about how asexuality and being aromantic is increasingly seen to mean "has sex and romance like a normal person" reminds me of the time I accidentally deeply angered an author. She had the tag 'asexual character' in her fic's tags, but since it's a 300k word long fic involving a lot of characters, it wasn't clear who that referred to right away. I left long comments on each chapter, talking about what I liked, sections that hit really hard, lines that I loved, etc., as I always do. (I like to ramble IRL and I can't turn it off even online.) At the halfway point of the fanfic, during a long comment about the OCs that helped flesh out the oft-mentioned but barely explored organizations and companies in the world of canon, I said that I hoped This One Specific OC or That Other Specific OC would turn out to be the asexual character, as I saw in them echoes of myself and a friend of mine (we're both ace).

She had never responded to a comment of mine before, but she did for that one... to yell at me about how the main character OC was aroace, actually. This was apparently supposed to be obvious since the word ace was used in the tie-in prequel fic, which I had held off on reading because the author's note mentioned it would have spoilers if you hadn't read the whole main fic. The character in question has a relationship not remotely different from any of the cishetallo or cisqueerallo relationships presented in the text. She develops a snarky sarcastic friendship with someone she finds visually beautiful and impossible to look away from, gets to know him a little, watches movies with him, they get into urban fantasy danger which they help each other through, they fuck and do so extremely regularly, and she has past exes who she also did all of this with.

And I was, apparently, a bigot with internalized aphobia and negative attitudes towards women who have sex because I didn't look at her and go, "Ah, yes, an aroace!" She informed me I was forcing unrealistic stereotypes no one adhered to onto ace people by thinking aces had to be a certain way and by refusing to see that

Her angry reply was so long it took three AO3 comments to send to me, and it didn't really make me convinced I'd misread the situation. It just made me convinced this wasn't an author I wanted to read more fic from, because 1. this is a lot of anger, holy crap and 2., I really think this is an excusable mistake on my part. I saw no signs this character was in any way different from any other couple in the fic beyond that she and her love interest didn't get to know each other's backstories as much and instead bonded more through experiences they shared, which in my opinion is not something that can be linked to any sexuality or lack thereof.

I feel like there's a moral in here. Like, authors, as a fellow author, I get that it sucks when someone else doesn't see the characters like you do, or misses something you thought was clear, etc. I get that it's frustrating. But don't rip into someone who's been gushing about every chapter of your fic individually just because they didn't catch one thing. I failed to realize one character's sexuality. That's not the same as hating you, the character or the writing.

Mostly I remember that incident as the day I stopped asking questions in my long comments. A sea of gushing does not make up for a mistake and the best way not to make those is to not ask if a tag relates to a character or line.

--

Oof. I mean, sure, there's a diversity of experience. Everything is a spectrum. Yada yadda. But if two labels become entirely indistinguishable, what's the point of even having them, much less getting mad when people can't spot the difference?

[the-night-night-owl]

Hey, aromantic question here, from a fellow aroace.

(Quick point Oriented aromantic means non a-spec, so not demiromantic or grey romantic, just aromantic)

I have just been accused of gatekeeping for saying that non-aspec aromantic people don't fall in romantic love.

Let me be clear. Not a spec aromantics cant fall in love, not non-a spec aromantics can't be in a romantic relationship, but oriented aromantic people don't fall in love. In the opinion of the community, am I gatekeeping? Feel free to sound off in the notes or vote here, but I'm legitimately worried I am.

If you feel I am, please educate me. I've always understood oriented aromantic to mean that you don't fall in romantic love. That's always been my experiences of my aromantic experience, and other people's. I don't want to be that guy.

(PS this accusation came about after someone replied to another post discussing how representing non aspec aromantic characters in romantic relationships feels wrong)

Also also also also, if you feel I'm gatekeeping, can you tell me how? Otherwise, I can't fix my behaviour.

[acilykos]

Hi. I see you're aroace and I'm too so I was wondering if I could ask you a question? Idk if this is something you do I found you through aroace senkuu post so absolutely feel free to ignore if you don't want to talk about it.

So basically I'm trying to figure out what exactly loveless means. BC a lot of people both arospec and not have told me that label might fit (as in I want 0 romance etc. But also no platonic equivalent). However. I am a very passionate person about my chosen career, music, art, my cat. Those are all things I feel so strongly about, I wouldn't know what to call it but "love". Similarly there are people I care about, just not in a way where I want romance with them or a platonic version of that kind of relationship.

(I've seen you call senkuu loveless too, and I'm a little confused BC he clearly does care deeply about some people and possibly even more so science. Why not call that love? Is it a terminology thing?)

I'm not trying to pick a fight, I really like your analysis of senkuu.

I'm genuinely trying to understand.

It's possible to reject the societal notion of what love is. I do so myself.

But there's no denying that the chemicals involved are something everyone experiences. Like. Everyone gets dopamine, vasopressin, oxytocin etc. It's just the context that's different. Much like oxytocin is experienced both in mother-infant bonding and in sexual contact, I get a dopamine rush listening to music but not making out with someone.

(granted romantic love hasn't been that well examined but there does seem to be a consensus on the general chemistry involved)

Same chemicals but different result/feeling, you know?

Not getting these chemicals at all is impossible I think, so that can't be what loveless means.

So what does it mean??? Is it just about society's perception of love??

I personally approached my lack of romantic attraction by Googling the brain chemistry BC clearly I wasn't getting anywhere with the emotional side. I'm not an expert. But the definitions of different aro orientations I see commonly, don't actually address this at all. It's like everyone decided on a different definition of "love" and nobody told me any of them.

Again, I know this sounds very passionate, but I always sound like that. I'm not trying to pick a fight, nor am I expecting you to solve my identity crisis. So really no need to reply if you don't want to. I can see how this would be. A lot to try and answer.

Hi, hi!!

First of all, I'm happy to meet a fellow AroAce!! I'm also calling myself loveless because it fits the most, I did research before and found it was the closest to describe myself.

Second of all, I think it depends on the definition of what loveless means for oneself because as always, sexuality at the end of the day is a fluid and personal thing.

Apologies if some of the thoughts seem jumbled or contradicting. I just woke up, was very happy about getting to ramble and I just don't know how to properly describe my "emotional thought processes" because I decided to illustrate my points with examples.

It's a long read too, I hope you don't mind.

Personally, I define it as a "lack of attraction" because oriented and angled AroAces experience other types of attraction (like platonic, aesthetic, etc.), but don't ask me to explain the difference between either, I really have no idea what it is (no offense to any angled or oriented AroAces). Personally, I find it ironic that the two most known "orientations" of AroAce people are still based on experiencing attraction despite AroAces being known for not experiencing it. So we had to create another word to say "Yeah, we actually don't experience any type of attraction”. It's also ironic to me that we call it "loveless" because it's not that we don't love, we just aren't attracted to people.

I'm an artist, I love art and drawing myself, as well as writing.

I'm also a scientist, I love chemistry, astronomy, pharmacology, psychology, really, I'm just always happy to talk about any subject. In fact, that's my current career, I'm a pharmaceutical technician.

I have favourite songs, favourite subjects, favourite seasons. Favourite shows, favourite characters, hell, I also have favourite ships.

I care about my family and friends too.

It's just that I'm not attracted to people. I don't want a romantic relationship because I don't experience romantic attraction. Same as I don't want a sexual one. I just don't see the need or appeal for another person if the goal is to just have a dinner date or a climax. Sure romance and sex can come hand in hand, but that depends on whether or not you experience either or if you're committed in a relationship. Anyways, I digress.

These two are the typical ones people talk about when it comes to attraction, but then there are the illusive platonic and aesthetic attractions, and many more I believe. One of them is explained later which causes AroAces in the first place to also use the labels oriented and angled.

Platonic attraction, or at least as I come to understand it, is seeing a person and just wanting to be their friend. You see someone and you think "wow, I really want to be their friend!!" also apparently called having a "squish".

I don't do that. I don't really feel something compelling me to talk to this person to become their friend.

Same as I don't feel attraction towards aesthetically pleasing people (which is also a highly individual definition). Or well, for a lack of a better term, the only "Wow, I really like how they look" I experience is in terms of gender envy. I don't want to be with them, I don't want to be them either. I just think "I'd like to express my gender like that". If that makes any sense.

I see people talk about "they're hot" and "they're so cute looking" and how they have this attraction towards them because of the way they look, but I just don't? I may appreciate the beauty by acknowledging that someone has nice features or a cool style, but it's the same as me looking at the weather and going "Ah, the sun is shining, isn't that nice." before continuing to do whatever I did, not spending more time on thinking about the weather.

For a real life example: My sister and I are going to a driving school. She has an aesthetic (and I call it on purpose an aesthetic attraction. She has not spoken once with the guy and she also said it's not exactly a crush) on one of the other people there, which to me makes no sense given his general character he revealed at least at the driving school. She even took his pen he forgot at school (just some company gifted pen from when we got a visit that day) in hopes of giving it back to him and struck up a conversation (She failed to. She was too embarrassed, in case you're curious).

I only acknowledge he has a nice jawline. That's it.

I don't feel any type of attraction towards people. I don't want or need to be their romantic partner. I don't want or need a sexual relationship. Just because someone has a personality that clicks with mine, I don't automatically feel the need to become their friend. If we become friends, great. If we don't it is what it is.

Obviously when I'm friends with someone, I care about them, but it's just... not the way friendships are usually portrayed. I don't feel the need to have many friends, or meet up with them constantly or go on trips or anything of the like. I like them a lot, I want them to be well. I just... don't really feel an attraction? I don't know how to properly explain it.

An attraction for me is either the need to be constantly with them, one way or another, because you physically and/or mentally/psychologically feel the need to be in their presence, whenever an opportunity arises OR that you spent a lot of time just thinking about them (daydreaming, fantasies, you get it). I just don't feel like that. I'm fine with not talking or seeing friends for multiple months or years. I'm also fine if we don't talk constantly too. If the friendship ended because we couldn't maintain it, it wouldn't destroy me.

It actually happened multiple times, I'm fine with it. Do I miss them or feel nostalgic when I think about past experiences with them? Of course, I care about them as people.

But I'd feel the same about it even if we had stayed friends, because I obviously feel nostalgic with things I did with my current friends.

I just really don't have the ""need"" to have friends in my life. I'm not "attracted" towards them, I care about them and I like them, but it's just not the type of attraction or even love that society usually attributes to what (best) friends are supposed to be or behave like.

(Same for my family. I haven't seen some of them in years, I don't need to. I like them, I care about their wellbeing.)

You may be wondering, if that's my attitude towards friendships, how do I even have friendships.

They talked to me one day and we happened to keep talking because we liked what each other had to say. It's been years later, so it's safe to say that we still like each other, but not once have I ever initiated a friendship, funnily enough. All I did was just... reply or talk once and we kept talking and meeting up, and eventually we became friends, and because they know a lot about me and I about them, I care about them.

And this is what I think Senkū is like too.

He cares about his friends deeply and he obviously cares about his family too. But he doesn't feel any attraction to people. He never once had an "I need to be their friend" moment. He accidentally sort of becomes friends with them because of the situation they're in and then develops a friendship with them because they've been through a lot of things for multiple years.

How did he meet Taiju? Because Taiju saved his machinery. Senkū didn't have any friends prior to that. But then they talked and spent their childhood together and became friends.

Taiju introduced him to Yuzuriha, they talked, she helped with his experiments as well, and they too became friends.

Senkū not once initiated a friendship.

He may have approached some of them first, but not because he wanted to be their friend/felt platonic attraction, he just needed them for a plan, then he used them for his plans, but they stuck around and they talked and time passed.

If it comes to his plans or science, he talks first. If it comes to any "emotional" conversational topic, someone else initiates it.

Senkū just doesn't feel the need to have emotional connections, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't care about his friends or won't develop friendships, if that makes sense. He doesn't seek them, but if friendships happen to develop, he accepts it. He doesn't portray it outwardly, but deep within his heart he still cares.

Everyone in his life started out as an ally, it eventually became friendship. Senkū didn't recruit people because he wanted friends, he recruited them because he had a need for allies to wage war against Tsukasa, then Ibara, then Whyman.

You can even apply it to Senkū's relationship with Xeno, who is according to the fanbook one of Senkū's "closest relationships" (the other one being Byakuya). Senkū respects Xeno as a scientist and as the only NASA employee who actually helped him build a rocket, but even then it's because Xeno talked first and their relationship was strictly mentor and mentee, it was hardly a friendship in what society defines it as anyway. I guess the closest equivalent would be Marty McFly and Doc Brown from Back to the Future (I know, Marty isn't Doc's mentee, but it's about the assisting in science projects part), if it comes to media, but even then Senkū's and Xeno's mentorship would not fit the definition of friendship the way Marty's and Doc's does.

I also call Senkū loveless, because he would never enter a queer platonic relationship (qpr). Entering one would mean you experience a type of connection that is more than friendship, but not romantic or sexual. Or at least that's how I came to understand it. Personally, I'm still confused on what they're actually like aside from them developing from a "tertiary form of attraction". This is where angled and oriented AroAces come in, and why some people call themselves "AroAce lesbians" for example. They experience a different type of attraction towards women that's not just friendship, but it's also not romantic or sexual (at least that's how I understand it, any tertiary attraction feeling AroAces correct or explain it to me, because it's been confusing me for years).

Now look at Senkū and tell me that he'd ever enter such a relationship, when he barely feels the need to make friends on his own. He says it himself "love causes only problems" because of the emotions involved in it. He also, as we established, doesn't feel the need to make friends. If that's already too much and Senkū doesn't have the need for friends, and a QPR is similar, except it lacks the romantic and sexual part and is supposedly "more than a mere friendship", then Senkū definitely wouldn't have that.

I think it's important to mention that, but I think at this point it is obvious, I don't define attraction and caring as the same things.

Why would I? It isn't the same thing, otherwise we wouldn't have different words for it.

Attraction means I myself feel the need to be close to whatever attracts me, maybe that I can't stop thinking about it because I need it in my life, but it can also be superficial.

Care is that it doesn't cross my mind every day, but maybe I happen to think about it once because it crossed my mind, or if I'm with friends or family who tell me about something that happened to them, I care about their wellbeing.

You may also have noticed that I barely even used the word "love" despite talking about being "loveless". As I mentioned in the beginning, I really don't think it's the right term. We love. We care. But it's just not the love people think of first (aka romantic). I love my hobbies, I love my friends and family, I love my favourite characters. But none of this is what society tells me that love is supposed to be or feel like. But it's the most direct way of saying "I don't experience any type of attraction", as misleading as it is, sadly.

And that's it, basically.

Again, it's just my own definition and experience, so how true it is for the majority of AroAces or how much you agree with me, is totally up to you and anyone else. Emotional matters are confusing, and a lot of the time don't make sense and are hard to put into words, but I gave it my best shot with all I know right now. If you're curious or think that loveless may not be the right term after all, you're welcome to do more research on the terms angled and oriented, I bet there are a lot of AroAces who identify with those labels ready to help you out, and who know much more about it than me.

I hope I was able to help you in any way to find some clarity! Thanks again for stopping by, feel free to do that again any time!!

[chaldeanu]

( it’s the same anon! First of all if this is too personal you don’t have to reply I just thought it was cool since I barely see people who are the same 😭 ) I get what you mean there’s definitely that gap between irl and fiction ! And I always tend to see different perspectives people have or experience and I think it’s pretty cool ^-^ ! The bi/pan era is something I’ve heard of a lot too ! but with me I was just straight but just got tired of men LOL! it’s kiiinda different cause I wasn’t always aroace I think ? But I gradually became more so over time. I have also heard of some being more so indifferent and others being more so repulsed etc etc I lean more onto the latter although I’m not completely repulsed it goes in waves which I guess sounds weird haha? anyways !!! I appreciate your previous response <3 ! I hope I wasn’t overstepping or anything my apologies if I was 🤧 ! I just kinda internally go “ :0 ” when I see people who I think are cool online also being the same as me <3 I really enjoy seeing your self ships and fics and artworks you make of you and your f/os cause it kind of normalises things for me too and kind of takes the confusion out of things 🩶 ( not to mention they’re all seriously so so cool I am in awe, literally ! )

hi nonnie, no worries! i wouldn’t reply with anything that’s out of my comfort zone :3

among my friends, i think there are a majority of aroaces who don’t really think fondly of anything sex-related. that’s honestly so cool too, i wish they had more adult spaces that don’t revolve around romance etc. but personally, i felt quite lonely in the past, because i wanted to know more about these topics, i’m not repulsed at all, just not interested in making it into reality lmao, so i couldn’t discuss it with anyone for a while.

i was in almost exclusively girls-only high school because it was an art school and yeah, it’s not really a popular direction for guys nowadays haha, so i got very used to having many lesbian, bi and afab trans friends. a missed opportunity to gain experiences of dating someone else besides cis men, because at the time i already decided on enjoying my life just with friends, as an aroace hehe :P which is quite eeeehhh, i’m really curious about the differences, you know… but oh well, it’s fine (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ

and thank you so so much for the compliments, i’m so happy i can share with you my lil blurbs from the inside of my head and that everyone here is so supportive, nice and welcoming <3 i’m glad you’re here too and we can interact with each other as fellow aroaces hhihihi ৎ୭ ₊ ˙ ⊹ .

[aro-and-ace-memes-thoughts]

I'm gonna copy/paste this to some other blogs too because I would like advice from people with different perspectives

Am I weird or inconsistant for wanting to marry a fellow aroace person?

Society today always ties mariage and love together but historically and legally (at least in my country) it was (is?) not the case. Mariage was a contract between two families to perpetuate the bloodline, to keep lands, goods and properties between them, to socially protect both parties and help them to enrich themself, and while love between the two individuals was always a nice addition it was not a viable reason to get married/divorced (that and the all "only hetero wedding" cause religion is always a party pooper, but it's an all other point).

At it's roots mariage is only a social and economic contract but today the only good reason to be married is romantic love? And I'm just 😐 about that.

Don't get me wrong, I find it fantastic that Love is now a primary variant when before a lot of couples where stuck together because the family didn't ask or care for for their consentement. But now it's the ONLY reason people will accept the mariage of others and when I try to explain myself that I want it as a partnership with a friend to live my life people tries to... Invalidate me?

Like I just want to meet a good friend (that could support living with me every day 😅) laugh with them, cry with them, support each other, and that we like it or not mariage is a way to do so cause the state loves families cause they are profitable💲💲

So the state offers (or is supposed to) socials advantages and economic safety to married couples that it doesn't to single people.

And while I kinda agree with the reasonning behind it, I'm also sad to be more subjected to instability because I don't feel romantic love.

I've asked it to different people (both lgbt and not) and I was called greedy because I only want to profite from the eco/social benefits of the mariage, and I was like Yes ??!! That's the reason why this contract exist ?? And it's a natural and beautiful thing when the two persons love each-other but it's bad, greedy, I'm a leech/a parasite that only want to suck the money out of the system for myself because it's for "helping to support the children of the family" But there is plenty of CisHet couples and LGBT couples that can't or doesn't want kids but are still allowed to marry, but I'm weird for wanting it?

Because I only love my friends and I'm not IN LOVE with them? Because I don't want to fuck them?

Why my platonic love towards my friends, peoples dear to my heart, is less valid than the Oh so beautiful, Oh so pure, Oh so sacro-saint romantique one ?!

I've also tried to convey my ideas through rough sketches of a little comic on another site and some told me they didn't see the point, others to "just found a roommate and stop being weird" and someone accused me of queerbaiting because I depicted myself (a girl) with another girl and I was told I wanted to profit from a queer audience without wanting to write a WlW story properly, and I don't know it hurted me to receive those replies, to not be able to tell what I wanted to do, what I was craving for, that I started crying on the spot it was the first time I felt so invalidate as an AroAce and it came from an other lgbt member, like shit lady I'm trying to express something difficult for me why did you felt the need to insult me like that !!!!??? I've also received creepy DMs from guys that wanted to help me discover thE ReAL DeAl fuck every one of them !!!!

I just want to find my soulmate in this stupid universe but I know mine will be a Friend, a sibling from a different family. We will eat as every other couples, we will arguing over the evening movie as every other couple, we will stress together over taxes and rent like every other couple, we will love each other but of a simple and serene love that only friendship can create, completely platonic but nonetheless true. BECAUSE WE WILL BE TWO RESPONSIBLES AND CONSENTENT ADULTS THAT KNOW WHAT THEY WANT

I just want an other idiot to be a couple of idiots that helps each other to live in a society that despise single people and exposed them as failure to enforce it's own nuclear family model

And if I want us to signed a stupid mariage contract together I dont understand why everyone else tries so hard to make it weird !!!!!!

I'm sorry if it appears rude, I'm still under the heat of the emotion and not an english speaker

I want comment ? advice ? answer ? acknowledgment ? I dont know am I actually the weirdo ? 😞

Hi anon,

I apologise for taking so long to respond to this. I hope your life is going well :)

No, I don't think you're weird, inconsistent or greedy for wanting to marry someone platonically for tax benefits. It's not wrong to want the same benefits as romantic couples without forcing yourself into a romantic relationship. As long as both you and your partner consent to it, it’s totally fine!

This is not the first time I hear about aspecs wanting to marry for tax benefits. The concept is quite present in examples of relationship dynamics in qprs (queer-platonic relationships, a type of relationship that isn't romantic but goes beyond the social norms for friendships). 

Aros already have a natural disadvantage to this system and because of that we won't ever be able to marry for romantic reasons. We're at a disadvantage for something we can't control and that's what many allo people don't understand. You want to marry because of (a different kind of) love, but even if it was exclusively for money benefits, it's none of other people's businesses.

I'm sorry you faced so much backlash. Those people were extremely rude. Real people can't "queerbait", that's a concept applied to fictional characters only; those people who told you to just find a roommate wouldn't certainly be happy to just be a roommate with a romantic partner. As I said, those people fail to understand that it's not a choice to not be romantically attracted to someone and probably fail to think outside of their allo experience and the amatonormative society. It's really unfortunate though that queer people, who should be supporting you, are the ones being hateful.

So basically, it's totally fine to want marriage for non-romantic reasons. Other people think they know what is best for you but they don't. Follow your own path and think of your and your partner's happiness before other's opinions. There's nothing wrong to benefiting from a societal contract like marriage. Honestly I think it's a smart choice.

[laindependencialuna1899]

i get whiplash everytime that i remember the aphobia I experience as someone who's aroace CAUSE TELL ME WHY THE CALL IS COMING WITHIN THE HOUSE

yo i've got a lithromantic ex using their sexuality as a reason to get off scott free from the breakup when they're the one who acted like a full patriarchal man that broke off the relationship during my Master's finals, around Valentine's. my recent former friend who's also ace TOLD ME THAT IT BE GETTING TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A REPLY ON MY MESSAGE- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT HUH HUH???? WE'RE LONG-DISTANCE FRIENDS I LIVE IN THE PHILIPPINES YOU'RE IN FUCKING AMERICA WHAT IS TOO MUCH THAT "I ONLY CHAT ACTIVELY IF IT'S MY PARTNER" HUH HUHHHHHHHH

please, deliver us oh Lord. not in 2023, not from my fellow Aces uh uh

[anotherdaveyjacobs]

sorry for the late reply on this but, romeo time!

- First off big headcannon is that my boy is Aro/Ace! i can just. see it so well

- Romeo is still a scruffy dirt poor newsboy but he does have some looks and has seinfeld he’s been a kid; picture getting all those weird “oh you’re gonna be a heartbreaker” one day comments comming to him a lot

- He’s always been very insecure about this and has been nervous about looking too badly or eating too much despite it tiny source of food income

- Back to the aro ace headcannon bit him being in a world where being gay or not straight is illegal and there is zero lgbtq community, figuring out that he doesn’t like women, but also dosent like men is horribly confusing.

- He’s a flirt, a complete egomaniac. But the fact is this is because he sees it more as a defense mechanism, something that gives him control and makes him feel somewhat normal. It can make nobody end up turing around and questioning him on his utter lack of Actual game.

- As mentioned Flirting is something he’s mastered to give him control. Even as a little kid when he was still with his single mother she controlled so much of his life out of fear, and when she either abandoned him or died being put in an orphanage and then later the lodging house made him feel as if he had no control over himself or his life. but being able to play with someone’s emotions where he’s in control is a near soothing power trip that lets him know he still has something going for him, at least. If all he had in a touch world is a nice face and smooth voice, may aswel let it be your weapon

- this man is an idiot but he’s a persuasive idiot. He can butter you up into jumping into a pool with all your clothes on but can’t lie for shit. He’s always been found out on anything he hides or lies about but usually the poor shmuck who finds out ends up getting roped in somehow.

- Modern au headcannons; Loves shitty romance Tv finds it the height of comedy

- also really loves horror

- Deapite his difficulties in the past with food he loves to bake goods when he’s stressed out and packages them all cute too.

- Has two cats named Juliet and Michealangelo (His favorite TMNT charater)

- He loves art but can’t paint for the life of him. not an artist. Jack has tried; Botth have ended up crying hysterically at 3 am over wine glasses because Ro, What The Actual Fuck Is That Dude. What the Fuck.

- Adores animated shows too, especially older ones

- Constantly steals specs glasses. Says them make him look cute but actually just enjoys watching specs stumble around yelling at him to give them back

- Despite only having cats romeo is an huge dog person.

- He enjoys reading thriller novels or fantasy no in between

- Was either a PJO or Warrior cats kid sue me

- Loved maximum Ride too

- Any and every time someone flirts back at him he’s a blubbering uncomfortable mess if it’s not one of the fellow newsies. If it is, they’ll banter for all time but otherwise, he shuts down faster than a mac PC

- Listens to taylor swift. i said it.

okay thanks for letting me talk about my guy my funky dude my good time boy my-

im so sorry i didn't reply to this before now it has been a Time

I LOVE these oh my god. romeo, nicknamed for being a flirt, is 1000000% aroace i love him. and cannot flirt back so real

you know what listen i just love this whole everything

everything you've said is so true

[so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed]

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The message was sent to you because someone loved your writing and stories. ❤️

▪️What are your writing suggestions for newcomers, or what would you have liked to know when you first started?

▪️How do you write different personalities and perspectives? Could you explain how you came up with the manner you written your favorite or any character?

▪️What do you do when you have writer's block?

▪️How do you come up with new ideas and develop them?

▪️Any messages for your readers or fellow writers? You are welcome to answer if you have the time and desire, or you can simply respond to the questions that come to mind.

💐Thank you for your work as a writer and as a member of this fandom!💐

Oh my gosh this is such a cute message! Thank you nonnie!

▪️What are your writing suggestions for newcomers, or what would you have liked to know when you first started?

That writing is hard. That sometimes you won't make the deadline no matter how much you want to, and that that's okay. Life is a lot, and writing can be great for your mental health, but it shouldn't take over everything else. Aside from that, the most important thing is you're never going to like your first or final draft as much as anyone else will. It's because you know the story you're trying to tell and you're focused on all the ways it's not measuring up to what's in your head. But others don't have that, and they get to see the wonderful story that it is. So allow others to show you the joy.

▪️How do you write different personalities and perspectives? Could you explain how you came up with the manner you written your favorite or any character?

I try to find common ground between the characters and myself. If I can't find any, I try to figure out their reasons for behaving the way they do. I like psychology and I like finding out what makes people tick. And I just go from there.

Oh and I make them on the aroace spectrum whenever I can, because I can.

▪️What do you do when you have writer's block?

I used to just push through, because writing is like a muscle and all that. Nowadays I try to look more at what's causing writer's block. Is it the lack of free time? Is it not being excited about the plot? Depending on the answer, I either talk to my friends about the story, or try to restructure my time while not sacrificing rest.

▪️How do you come up with new ideas and develop them?

Again, mostly through talking with friends. But any sort of media can inspire an idea, I will typically note them down somewhere and forget about them look through them when I sign up for a fest.

▪️Any messages for your readers or fellow writers? You are welcome to answer if you have the time and desire, or you can simply respond to the questions that come to mind.

I love everyone who has ever read one of my fics. I see all your comments and I cherish them, even if I had to sacrifice replying to them because it simply cuts too much into my writing time. I'd rather focus on creating new stories for you all instead. But I need you to know that even if I don't reply, your comments are what keeps me going, so thank you thank you thank you.

For fellow writers: what we do is hard, and you're doing great! Keep on at it, I'm so proud of you! ❤

[aroaceconfessions]

I'm gonna copy/paste this to some other blogs too because I would like advice from people with different perspectives

Am I weird or inconsistant for wanting to marry a fellow aroace person?

Society today always ties mariage and love together but historically and legally (at least in my country) it was (is?) not the case. Mariage was a contract between two families to perpetuate the bloodline, to keep lands, goods and properties between them, to socially protect both parties and help them to enrich themself, and while love between the two individuals was always a nice addition it was not a viable reason to get married/divorced (that and the all "only hetero wedding" cause religion is always a party pooper, but it's an all other point).

At it's roots mariage is only a social and economic contract but today the only good reason to be married is romantic love? And I'm just 😐 about that.

Don't get me wrong, I find it fantastic that Love is now a primary variant when before a lot of couples where stuck together because the family didn't ask or care for for their consentement. But now it's the ONLY reason people will accept the mariage of others and when I try to explain myself that I want it as a partnership with a friend to live my life people tries to... Invalidate me?

Like I just want to meet a good friend (that could support living with me every day 😅) laugh with them, cry with them, support each other, and that we like it or not mariage is a way to do so cause the state loves families cause they are profitable💲💲

So the state offers (or is supposed to) socials advantages and economic safety to married couples that it doesn't to single people.

And while I kinda agree with the reasonning behind it, I'm also sad to be more subjected to instability because I don't feel romantic love.

I've asked it to different people (both lgbt and not) and I was called greedy because I only want to profite from the eco/social benefits of the mariage, and I was like Yes ??!! That's the reason why this contract exist ?? And it's a natural and beautiful thing when the two persons love each-other but it's bad, greedy, I'm a leech/a parasite that only want to suck the money out of the system for myself because it's for "helping to support the children of the family" But there is plenty of CisHet couples and LGBT couples that can't or doesn't want kids but are still allowed to marry, but I'm weird for wanting it?

Because I only love my friends and I'm not IN LOVE with them? Because I don't want to fuck them?

Why my platonic love towards my friends, peoples dear to my heart, is less valid than the Oh so beautiful, Oh so pure, Oh so sacro-saint romantique one ?!

I've also tried to convey my ideas through rough sketches of a little comic on another site and some told me they didn't see the point, others to "just found a roommate and stop being weird" and someone accused me of queerbaiting because I depicted myself (a girl) with another girl and I was told I wanted to profit from a queer audience without wanting to write a WlW story properly, and I don't know it hurted me to receive those replies, to not be able to tell what I wanted to do, what I was craving for, that I started crying on the spot it was the first time I felt so invalidate as an AroAce and it came from an other lgbt member, like shit lady I'm trying to express something difficult for me why did you felt the need to insult me like that !!!!??? I've also received creepy DMs from guys that wanted to help me discover thE ReAL DeAl fuck every one of them !!!!

I just want to find my soulmate in this stupid universe but I know mine will be a Friend, a sibling from a different family. We will eat as every other couples, we will arguing over the evening movie as every other couple, we will stress together over taxes and rent like every other couple, we will love each other but of a simple and serene love that only friendship can create, completely platonic but nonetheless true.

I just want an other idiot to be a couple of idiots that helps each other to live in a society that despise single people and exposed them as failure to en force it's own nuclear family model

And if I want us to signed a stupid mariage contract together I dont understand why everyone else tries so hard to make it weird !!!!!!

I'm sorry if it appears rude, I'm still under the heat of the emotion and not an english speaker

I want comment ? advice ? answer ? acknowledgment ? I dont know am I actually the weirdo ? 😞

[miguels-talons]

for the longest time, i'd felt uncomfortable in the labels i'd placed myself in. gay, lesbian, queer, bisexual, pansexual, lesbian again. for the longest time, i knew i didn't like men. but even when i said i liked women, it felt off to me. yeah girls are pretty, and i know they're attractive, but i've never been attracted to them. ever since i was young, i'd never had a crush in my life. people would ask me who my cartoon crush was growing up, and i'd have to wrack my brain to chose a random character i liked, when really i just wanted to be that character.

same with in elemntary, middle, and high school. people would ask for a crush, and i'd always try to tell them i never had one, but they always insisted that i did and i was just telling them i didn't. but, really, i didn't. finally after enough pestering i'd carefully chose someone we never talked to but was attractive in their standards enough and say it was them, when i wasn't the least bit interested in them. then, i'd hope that they would never try to get me to actually talk to this person.

they did occasionally, and try to get me and that person to go out together. never happened, because i never wanted to date anyone. similar things happened when people would admit they had a crush on me. id agree to go out with them to see if i could possibly feel something romantic or sexual in this someone, but it never happened, and i'd quickly close them out if they ever tried to claim we were girlfriends or whatever. i'd always say things were going too fast, when really i was plainly not interested in them.

i have similar experiences with sexual intimacy. people would ask me my kinks, and i'd reply with things i thought they'd want to hear. i have never been turned on once in my life, even prior to me taking anti-depressants, so i know i can't blame my sexual aversion on those. i've never wanted to have sex, either, and it and the thought of dating or marrying someone always made me uncomfortable. why would i need any of that when i have friends, family and myself? i didn't want that commitment because i never felt inclined to anyone even romantically before.

i even tried getting drunk and trying to feel romantically towards someone. i had sex with them, and i still feel sick thinking back on that night. because i don't like sex, or romance.

i've always thought something was wrong with me because i never wanted to have sex or to even date someone. i thought i had some kind of blocked out memory of a horrible partner abusing me while we were dating, but i could never think of anything like that. because it never happened. i just never felt any of that before.

of course, that doesn't mean i don't feel love to friends and family. i absolutely adore friends i have and i'm willing to protect for my baby siblings to my last breath.

i just don't feel. romantic or sexual attraction.

so when i found out about there being asexual and aromantic identities, i was curious, but didn't commit to the labels for the longest time, because what if i was pretending or acting like i didn't have romantic or sexual attraction for attention? but then i began to think it over... why would i do that for my own attention? why am i continuing to try to feel things ive never once felt?

accepting myself as aroace has been so invigorating and freeing. i finally feel comfortable with my identity, and i'm so happy there are others like me who don't feel romantic or sexual attractions. i thought i was alone, a freak. i thought i was going to have to push aside my lack of feelings and be uncomfortable for the rest of myself with someone i was never attracted to to begin with. i am so happy now to say that i am aroace, and that i feel neither sexual or romantic attraction in the slightest.

it's freeing. i'm so happy now.

love y'all my fellow aroaces 💙

[storytellerofuntoldlegends]

words fall flat (like cymbals crashing)

A/N: apparently the only fic I have motivation to write anymore is for the Mandalorian. anyway, have this INCREDIBLY self-indulgent fic with aroace din djarin, aro cara dune, and a heaping helping of hurt/comfort and mandalorian culture. enjoy! (title is from Constellations by The Oh Hellos)

Summary: Cara checks up on Din after the events on Moff Gideon's Imperial cruiser. Problem is, neither are them are very good at talking about emotions- but Cara figures out how to comfort Din in their own way.

Warnings: emotional hurt/comfort, awkward conversations, sort-of coming out, platonic cuddling, hugs, implied crying, bittersweet/hopeful ending

-

Din was distant after the jedi- Luke kriffing Skywalker- had taken Grogu and then their little haphazardly put together rescue crew got back on Fett’s ship. Not that Din was all that reachable of a person to begin with, Cara noted. But now he was even more withdrawn, and he seemed almost fragile despite all the armor he wore. Cara was sure she’d never forget watching the way Din’s hands trembled as he put his helmet back on- kriff, he had shown his face. Cara didn’t actually see his face, just the back of a surprisingly curly head of hair (out of everything, she never pictured her stoic friend with curly hair). So on top of losing his kid and unwittingly earning the right to Mandalore’s throne, he had broken his code as well. Surely he was not as put together as his gruff, standoffish behavior implied.

Hence why Cara was more or less lurking in the shadows near where Din was sulking in the storage unit aboard the Slave I. Fett had advised to “let him alone, Marshal,” in that rough and indifferent-but-really-he-was-fooling-nobody tone of his. But Cara felt that the last thing that Din needed was more space from people he cared about, so she stepped out of the shadows and closer to where Din was sitting on top of a storage container. At first glance, she thought he was cleaning his weapons, but as she came closer she noticed he was fiddling with a small silver ball- the same one that Grogu had been so attached to. Then, strangely enough, he pressed the ball to his helmet, just above its visor and where his forehead would be beneath it. Cara suddenly felt like she was intruding, and from the way Din jolted and scrambled to put the ball in a pouch at his side, she definitely felt like an intruder.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” she started, but was cut off with a wave of Din’s hand.

“It’s fine. I’m- I’m glad it was you,” Din replied, sounding uncharacteristically shy. Cara smiled softly, walking closer and taking a seat next to him on the storage container.

“I just wanted to check in on you, after… everything,” Cara finished lamely. Din huffed out a breath that could have been a laugh, a sigh, a sob, or some mix of the three.

“Thank you. I- I’m- he’ll be safe. With the jedi,” Din said, sounding like he was more trying to convince himself than Cara. A chuckle escaped Cara’s lips, despite everything.

“Trust me, there is nowhere safer than with Luke Skywalker for Grogu. I never knew him personally, but the guy’s a rebel hero. It was his shot that destroyed the first Death Star, and he had a hand in overthrowing the Emperor and destroying the second Death Star. Plus I think his sister has a seat in the New Republic Senate now. The point is that he’s powerful, and that he has powerful allies. Grogu will be okay,” Cara assured him. Din let out another breath, and this time it was definitely a sigh.

“Thank you. That… that helps,” Din replied, sounding much more at ease than when Cara had first checked in on him.

“I’m glad,” Cara said, affectionately clapping him on his knee- and startled a bit when Din jumped at the touch.

“Sorry-”

“Don’t be, I guess I forgot that Mandalorians aren’t exactly touchy-feely people,” she interrupted him, giving him a soothing smile.

“And I am certainly no exception,” Din muttered under his breath, but as Cara was sitting so close to him, she heard it anyhow.

“What do you mean?” Cara asked, brow furrowed in confusion. Din swallowed nervously and seemed to shrink in on himself a bit, which would have been comical if every fiber of his being didn’t seem to be etched with embarrassment.

“I’ve… never really desired any sort of closeness. As teenagers, my fellow foundlings seemed to be interested in finding someone to be close with, but those sorts of desires never really occurred to me,” Din explained awkwardly.

“What sort of desires?” Cara asked with a raised eyebrow, somewhat understanding what he was getting at, but she wanted to be absolutely sure. Din fidgeted for a moment or two before making an irritated sound.

“I’ve never wanted any sort of intimacy or romance. Not even with Omera. Sure, the idea of having someone to come home to and start a family with sounds nice, but…” Din trailed off, sounding just as lost as when he had taken off his helmet to say goodbye to Grogu.

“But in reality it feels wrong,” Cara finished, understanding where he was coming from, at least a little bit. Sure, there were… ahem, other desires that were appealing to her, but romance? Definitely not her thing. Din’s head shot up at Cara’s words, struggling to form words of his own for a moment or two.

“You- yeah, that’s it,” he said, dumbfounded.

“I get how you feel- at least on the romance part. Although, uh, intimacy, as you put it... that I’m more down with. And I’m definitely more of a casually affectionate person than you,” Cara replied, cringing internally at her choice of words. This wasn’t something she really talked about a lot, and it felt like everything was coming out all jagged and lopsided. But fortunately, Din seemed just as out of his comfort zone as she was, and therefore didn’t mind.

“I mean, I don’t mind affection. It just surprises me, is all,” Din said sheepishly. Cara slowly reached out, gently grasping Din’s hand when he didn’t move to stop her. She gently rubbed her thumb in soothing circles on the back of Din’s hand, and he all but melted at the touch. Kriff, if this is how he reacted to some hand-holding, he’d probably implode if she ever tried to hug him.

“When’s the last time you’ve gotten a hug?” Cara blurted, startling Din out of his calm reverie.

“I… I mean, I would hug Grogu sometimes, but his arms are a little small to really hug back. He could always return a kov'nyn just fine though,” Din said fondly.

“Cove-what?” Cara asked, head tilted to the side in confusion.

“Kov’nyn. Sometimes it’s called a keldabe kiss. I had learned it from my Buir- the Mandalorian who found me and took me in. It can be a violent action, but I’ve mostly known it as an affectionate one. It… might be easier to show than to explain,” Din replied, seeming nervous again.

“Then go ahead and show me. If you want,” she said, hurriedly assuring him that she didn’t want to force him into anything he wasn’t comfortable with. Din took a deep breath, then reached out with his free hand and rested it on the nape of her neck, fingers gently tangling in her hair. He carefully pulled her forward until her forehead was resting against his. The moment her skin touched the cool beskar of his helmet, it felt like something had snapped into place- and dimly she realized this had been the same thing Din had done with Grogu’s silver ball.

“This is a keldabe kiss. It’s a form of greeting between Mandalorians and their loved ones,” Din said, shifting as if he was going to move away, but Cara grabbed his forearm with her free hand and halted his movements. Din let out a soft, almost broken sound, and Cara moved on pure instinct. She shifted closer and threw both arms around Din’s shoulders, now practically in his lap and forehead still learning against his helmet. Din responded in kind, one hand still firmly buried in the hair at the base of her neck, while his other arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her entirely in his lap. He let out a shaky sigh that could have been a shallow sob, but Cara didn’t comment on it. If Din needed to be held as he cried, Cara was more than willing to do so for him.

-

The Marshal and the newfound Mand’alor had been absent from the cockpit for far too long, in Fett’s opinion. So he entrusted the controls to Fennec, and made his way to the storage unit that the Mand’alor had been hiding away in. The sight that greeted him, however, was one that he never would have predicted. The Mand’alor, looking incredibly vulnerable for a man in pure beskar armor, had the Marshal in his lap, holding her close as he leaned his helmet against her forehead in a keldabe kiss. Fett smiled in spite of himself. Whatever happened, whether Princess ended up with the Darksaber or not, Fett was glad that the current Mand’alor had someone he could rely on.

-

post-fic notes: this whole fic was an excuse to write aroace din, keldabe kisses, and platonic cuddling between a man and a woman. the aro cara just sorta snuck up on me, as well as boba fett being a caring and concerned pal. oh also i personally hc fett as being the type of person to not call people by their first name unless he has a strong bond with them (you can read his relationship with fennec here however you'd like, although i like them as just buddies). i also hc his reaction to din getting the darksaber as "oh you're the king now, cool"

anyway thanks for reading, also pls reblog cause validation is my lifeblood

[rivetgoth]

I had this friend I met in the Hetalia fandom in like 8th-9th grade who was like, a lot older than me (I was like 12-13 when we met and she was like 17 or so), and we were REALLY close for a really long time, we'd talk and call every day and it got to a point where she was really dependent on me in this awful way where she would like constantly threaten suicide if I didn't answer her texts fast enough and shit like that. She was really rich cuz her dad was a doctor and one time she bought me an entire fucking Xbox One (I did not ask for it like... I'd always been a PlayStation gamer LOL) because she didn't have anyone to play Halo with her. My family still has it and uses it as a DVD player/Netflix machine.

Anyway the really batshit thing about this person (BESIDES the fact that she was like, definitely a pedophile who loved shota and frequently sexted me after she'd turned 18+ and I was like 14 and she also had both a bestiality and incest fetish that she'd talk to me about constantly — I was a kid I had no moral concept of anything and just liked being edgy and feeling mature) was that she was like. A chronic liar who constantly faked identities. And for years after cutting off contact with her I would look back and realize that she had faked even more than I had noticed at the time. The thing is, I knew for sure she wasn't lying about her home life -- Her address, what she looked like, her dad's profession, her age, her house, her pets, etc, were all things I had proof of. But when I knew her she was constantly remaking her Tumblr to escape drama she'd start, and she would constantly make side blogs under pseudonyms and pretend it wasn't her (sometimes it would be random shit like aesthetic blogs under different names or ask blogs for characters or smthn, other times it was like, callout blogs for people she had gotten into drama with where she would pretend to be someone else defending her). I assumed back then that I was always going to be in on it, because she would always tell me whenever she made one of these fake accounts, and sometimes she would encourage me to make a new account too as a sort of roleplay thing where we both pretended to be people we weren't... Until I learned that she wasn't always telling me. Every so often, I would become mutuals with a new account who would start messaging me about my interests and strike a conversation with me. Then something would slip and my "new mutual" would admit that they had actually been my friend all along... Which should have made me immediately cut contact because that's weird as shit, but I was young and she was a close friend, so I would just sorta accept it.

She ended up being like, horrifically transphobic. She got run off her blog twice for being specifically transmisogynistic, first insisting that she was allowed to headcanon canon trans women as feminine men and then on her next blog insisting that lesbians couldn't be attracted to trans women. I was still young and closeted and she was one of my closest friends and was constantly messaging me that the situation was making her suicidal and she was just wording things wrong and totally supported trans people and people just weren’t giving her the benefit of the doubt and she was still learning so I tried to just stay out of it without losing her. Then... I came out as trans lol. She stopped replying to me when I first came out and then made a bunch of vents on her tumblr about how much it upset her and about how “using he/him pronouns for AFAB people is triggering” for whatever fucking reason. She told me her “best IRL friend” who she had introduced me to once on Skype but who never logged in again after and who refused to ever do a group call or anything (definitely another fake account) said that it was irrational for me to expect my friends to respect my pronouns so soon after coming out and that I shouldn’t be upset if I get misgendered. Then she apologized but told me my name and pronouns would never fit me. As you can imagine, as a little baby trans kid who was closeted from my family and terrified of even having come to terms with being trans, I didn’t really have a great defense.

Soon she started being really woke like 2014 style Tumblr SJW to save face, she came out as nonbinary and told me in private it was because she felt bad when people called her cis during discourse (she absolutely wasn't nonbinary) and she coined a "new sexuality" that was "attraction only to people you perceive as feminine, regardless of how they identify" -- what this actually meant was "attraction to cis women and not trans women." She ran an aroace help blog despite not being aroace? And made a bunch of pride flags that I still see around sometimes to this day. She would start fights a lot and try to out-woke people and got into a bunch of drama with other SJW types of the day, got into a bunch of drama with TumblrInAction and Mogai-Watch and shit like that, and she claimed for a short while that she had a headmate (FWIW I totally believe DID is a legitimate thing but like. Trust me on this one.) who was transphobic and that it made her so sad, she told me that it was actually that headmate that had been transphobic before, and every so often her headmate would front out of nowhere and misgender me and use really abusive language like calling me a cunt or a bitch or whatever. She started making these "intersex nonbinary" OCs who she would constantly make porn of under the guise that they were representation for LGBT people who were just like, extremely fetishistic cuntboys and dickgirls (they were “intersex” to explain why they could be “girls with natal penises” or “boys with natal vaginas”).

At that same time, she somehow always managed to have these random, very sporadically active trans women mutuals who were apparently amazing friends of hers, who shared some interests with her but also would defend her when people brought up her past, with these long-winded “Well, I’m a trans woman and I think what she said is perfectly justified and everyone makes mistakes and she’s always been a good ally!!” Then one day some trans woman received an ask from her account where she claimed to be a “black trans woman” (she was, of course, a white cis woman) and she freaked out and claimed she had “been hacked by TiA or 4Chan to make her look bad” — I realize now she had just been sending anon messages pretending to be things she wasn’t and forgot to hit anon LOL. Late in all of this she also got into a bunch of hot water for being really antisemitic and saying she didn’t trust Jewish people because they were just like Christians and like, 5 seconds later she came out as Jewish and wrote this whole long sad vent about how she had had internalized antisemitism and then started going by a random Hebrew name LMAO.

In the end the final breaking point was when I found her secret TERF blog, where she had been making posts for months about how trans men are just insecure women who are trying to escape misogyny by stepping on the backs of “fellow women” and using me as a fucking example, and also saying that me not coming out as a trans man had been “basically rape” since she had been SEXTING me when she was 18+ and I was 13-14+ and that it was traumatic to know someone she had trusted was secretly identifying as a man LMAO. She was also obviously saying all sorts of transmisogynistic things, but also had these really bizarre fetish posts about wanting trans women to fuck her...? I confronted her about it and she literally fucking out of nowhere told me that she was in the emergency room with a mysterious illness that might kill her and she was allowed to have her phone but due to privacy laws couldn’t send a picture as proof. While “in the hospital” she deleted the TERF blog and her personal blog. I had known her for literal YEARS at this point (we had met when I was 12-13 or so and by the time we no longer spoke I was a few months from 17), and I was completely stunned to fucking hear this person trying to pull “I’m in the hospital with a deadly disease” at being confronted for some shit like that LMAO. I made a post about it on my public and another “trans woman friend” of hers logged in to vehemently defend her by saying that there’s nothing wrong with AFAB women being untrusting of trans people because female oppression is uniquely traumatic and that there’s nothing wrong with women expressing their sexuality by sexting minors as long as the minor consents and that I was the real predator for “hiding that I was a man” (remember, I’d been a 13 year old closeted trans boy), before never logging in again... 😭 One of the last times we ever talked was when she demanded I refund her for the fucking Xbox and I refused.

Anyway, the long-term aftermath of that is that a few people online (in some random cringe areas of the internet) who archived some of her antics still think that I also wasn’t a real person, since they caught onto how much she lied about too, so they think I was also a sock puppet and I have no interest in clarifying and making myself known to those people LOL. I have no fucking idea where she is now, she deactivated everything after her being a TERF came out. There’s like, so much more to that I could say because I knew her for YEARS and, like I said, she was one of my “closest friends.” Her parents had wildly expensive pure bred designer dogs that she would make Vines of. She wrote Beatles real person fan fiction. For her birthday one year I made her a shirt on Zazzle with an inside joke about one of her OCs... does she still have that? Either way, she was easily the most batshit person I’ve ever known closely online and I will forever associate the Hetalia fandom with people like that.

[curufins-smile]

Speed Dating For Scientists

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

Or, Curvo needs a baby mama and he needs one now.

(Pure crack - this is my attempt to reconcile my aroace curvo hcs with him having a wife and son)

-

Tyelkormo can’t believe his ears at first.

“I’m sorry, you want to what?” he blurts to an unfazed Curufinwë.

“I said, I want to have a baby,” Curufinwë repeats, “so that I can be Atar’s favourite son.”

“No, you’re going to have to elaborate on that,” states Tyelkormo, “because I still have no clue what you mean.”

Curufinwë sighs impatiently. “I want to be Atar’s favourite-“

“And you’re telling this to me, your direct competition?” Tyelkormo says, slightly incredulous. “Besides, you know Atar doesn’t play favourites.” Really, he shouldn’t be surprised. Curufinwë has always been competitive. Especially about their father.

Curufinwë raises an eyebrow. “Yes, Atar gives us all equal love, but I have a plan to get the most.”

“Again, aren’t I competition?” Tyelkormo asks, feeling slightly insulted.

“Well, are you?” Curufinwë replies.

“Not really, but still it’d be nice to be considered as much!”

“There, there, Turco,” his awful little brother says, “you’re such a threat I hadn’t even thought of a plot to surpass you.”

“That’s better,” Tyelkormo says. He lets Curufinwë get away with too much, probably, but it’s too late to do anything about it. “So, why would having a baby help that?”

Curufinwë sighs, “Honestly, can’t you guess?” Tyelkormo levels an unimpressed stare at him, and Curufinwë continues, “Fine! What does Atar love? Children! What does Atar want more than anything but won’t say for fear of putting undue pressure on us? Grandchildren! Therefore, I shall present him with the long awaited First Grandchild and thus be the favourite forever.”

It’s a typical Curufinwë scheme, grand goal, excellent reasoning but with a big hole that sinks the whole thing.

“You need another person for that,” says Tyelkormo, “unless your genius has far surpassed Atar’s and you have found a way to reproduce without the aid of another.”

Curufinwë waves him off. “Not to worry, I have a plan.”

-

“This is the worst plan,” says Tyelkormo. Next to him, Irissë is not even bothering to hide her guffaws of laughter.

“S-so,” she says, attempting to compose herself, “you’re just going to ask a woman if you can,” she pauses, struggling to control her giggles, “use her uterus?” She loses the battle and collapses into laughter once more.

“Yes,” says Curufinwë. “Why, is there something wrong with that?”

“Is there something right with that?” Tyelkormo murmurs under his breath, setting Irissë off in a fresh fit of giggles.

“Why wouldn’t she want to participate in making a baby? I’ll compensate her,” Curufinwë says.

“That’s even worse!” Tyelkormo cries.

“How is that worse?” Curufinwë says, and Tyelkormo honestly cannot believe he’s this dim about relationships.

Tyelkormo sighs. It’s not even worth the battle. “So, that aside, what are you even looking for in a wife? What sort of personality, what sort of appearance is your type?” He knows Curufinwë well enough to know that his brother will have at least some thoughts on this to help the painful process that this is guaranteed to be.

Curufinwë reaches into his pocket and pulls out an honest to Eru list and Tyelkormo really hasn’t had enough to drink to deal with this. He takes the list from Curufinwë and stares at his brother’s scrawled handwriting.

“I hope you aren’t planning on wooing her with sweet letters,” Tyelkormo remarks. “Your handwriting is awful as always.”

Irissë peers over his arm at the list and grins. “Wow, I had no idea Curvo had such bad handwriting,” she says. “You wouldn’t think your father would let him get away with it.”

“Sadly, Atar allowed Curvo to get away with far too much as a kid, and now he’s got awful handwriting, terrible sleep habits and won’t eat most things.”

They both look up at Curufinwë, who is impervious to shame. “Yes, and?” he says. “Anyway, my handwriting isn’t important. What’s important is on the list.”

Years of practice means that Tyelkormo is pretty good at decoding Curufinwë’s handwriting. “Let’s see... Noldo, preferably taller than you- really?”

“Well, I would like for our child to outgrow me,” says Curufinwë, the shortest of the Finwëans by some margin.

“Well, at least that’s not a difficult demand to fulfil,” says Tyelkormo in amusement. “Hmmm... pleasing facial symmetry?”

“I want our child to be beautiful, is that so wrong?” Curufinwë replies, without a single trace of embarrassment.

“No, but people don’t usually say it so... bluntly,” Tyelkormo says. Irissë is laughing again, and has sunk down onto a bench, clutching her stomach.

“How on earth do they make their wishes known?” Curufinwë asks, guilelessly. Too guilelessly.

“Is this a joke?” Tyelkormo asks suspiciously.

“No, but I’m not that stupid,” Curufinwë says. “I wasn’t going to show her _this_ list.”

Tyelkormo breathes a sigh of relief, then starts as he realises what Curufinwë said. “What do you mean, this list.”

“Well, of course I have an indepth list of questions in order to determine her suitability as the mother of my child,” says Curufinwë. “I need to make sure that she has the intellect in order to ensure that our baby is an intelligent and creative child, as deserving of Atar’s first grandchild.”

Irissë is just gasping now, completely in hysterics. Tyelkormo half wants to laugh, half wants to cry. It’s just all so peak Curufinwë.

“Anyway,” continues Curufinwë, “I came here to ask Irissë if she knows anyone suitable.”

Tyelkormo glances down at Irissë who is beginning to compose herself. “Do you know anyone?”

Irissë sits up, wiping tears from her eyes. “I don’t really, but Elenwë might.”

Curufinwë stiffens almost unnoticeably, and Tyelkormo grins. “Oh, but she might tell Turukáno, no?” he says, deliberately glancing at Curufinwë.

“It’s a sacrifice I am willing to make,” says Curufinwë through gritted teeth.

-

Elenwë comes through with a friend of a friend who might be interested in meeting Curufinwë, and who might be acceptable to Curufinwë’s exacting criteria.

They meet for the first time in one of Tirion’s leafy parks. Tyelkormo is, of course, lurking in a tree to watch. This is guaranteed to be amusing no matter what happens. Carnistir is next to him on a sturdy branch.

“Why have you brought your knitting?” Tyelkormo hisses.

“I don’t know how long this will take,” Carnistir whispers, calmly finishing a row, “and I want to make something for the baby. Poor kid is already going to be Curvo’s, it may as well have a cosy blanket.”

“There is no baby yet!” Tyelkormo whispers back.

“It doesn’t hurt to prepare,” Carnistir replies, unconcerned. “Anyway, she’s here.”

The lady is much more striking than she is beautiful, with hawkish blue eyes and hair tied back into a severe plait to keep it out of her face. She also has about a head on Curufinwë in terms of height.

“So,” she says, and Tyelkormo and Carnistir do not need to strain to hear her clear, enunciated words, “you are the one who wants to use my uterus.”

Tyelkormo nearly falls out of the tree and has to grab onto a similarly stricken Carnistir.

“My name is Costamë,” she continues, “and yes, ‘Quarreller’ is an accurate description of me. Now, shall we discuss the details of our planned association?”

Next to Tyelkormo, Carnistir swears. “Somehow Curvo has managed to find the female version of himself.”

Tyelkormo nods in agreement, slightly dazed.

Beneath them, a strange contract is being hashed out. “We will have intercourse only until the child is conceived,” Curufinwë says.

“Agreed,” replies Costamë, “and I will carry the child to term, as long as I am allowed to write all details of my pregnancy down for a treatise which I plan on authoring.”

“Most acceptable,” says Curufinwë happily. “I will fund any research you wish for until our child reaches fifty years of age as long as you do not interfere in its raising after your initial duties such as feeding are over.”

“Until it reaches a hundred years,” Costamë replies, “and I will see it once a week after it is weaned. After the child is old enough, this will be raised to twice a week so that I may teach it mathematics and biology, my fields of particular speciality.”

“Very much agreed.” Curufinwë says. “Excellent, I had hoped that you would understand, but scarcely had I hoped for such a fellow scientist and researcher.”

“And I you,” replies Costamë. “I have been wishing to study the effects of pregnancy on a body firsthand, and track a child’s growth, but mothers can be so tiresome about privacy and my efforts to find someone to help me do it myself have thus far been fruitless.” She pauses and Tyelkormo takes the time to try and right his world from where it has apparently tilted.

“I cannot believe Curvo has found his mind-twin or something,” Carnistir marvels. Beneath them, Costamë and Curufinwë are agreeing on the meeting time for their “intercourse”.

“Yeah, really,” Tyelkormo replies. Costamë is leaving now, apparently too busy to spend time with her husband-to-be now that the important things are finished with.

Curufinwë looks up. “I know you’re there,” he says. “I don’t mind. It’s good to have witnesses to my success.”

-

Curufinwë Tyelperinquar is born healthy and wailing in late spring. He is promptly presented to his adoring grandfather and great grandfather, who are ecstatic to have another baby to coo over.

Curufinwë beams at Tyelkormo. “Told you I’d do it.”

“I’m sorry for doubting you,” Tyelkormo replies. “Now, let me hold my nephew.”

-

I got Costamë’s name from a site tumblr won’t let me link but if you google realelvish name lists it’ll probably take you there

Costamë ends up loving Tyelpë, but she’s just too busy and not really the huggy, mothering type so she leaves most of that to Curvo who’s really happy with the whole arrangement.

[aro-culture-is]

So... I think I'm coming to a conclusion about my aro ace/allo/acespec/demi community thing. I haven't gotten a ton of replies, and my sincere thanks to those who have as you've given me plenty of food for thought. I think I'm deciding to drop the SAM. It served me well for quite a while, and while I think I'll still maintain connections to the ace community, I find it just isn't a welcoming place for me anymore.

As a result, this perpetually confused enby has something to say:

To the ace community, especially the aroace community,

You have been my solace for a great many years. You've been with me as I began my exploration as someone who's been every letter of the acronym and probably dozens more. I learned that I did not seem to like those who I was expected to like, and I fell face first into the gay community. I learned that that term usually means that you felt differently (and goodness was that a shock) to the "same sex". After spending perhaps a month blustering through that, I thanked the community for their support in my quiet, silent way, and I moved on.

Next, I realized that I felt rather similarly to anyone out there. Per my experience, I thought and spoke with two friends, and I tried on bisexuality and pansexuality. But, the labels fit very oddly and after two short weeks of that, I realized no term I'd applied to myself worked.

And then, I found asexuality. Or, perhaps, asexuality found me. I had seen the term, could define it, but I hadn't applied it to myself or even considered it. Maybe that was a sign of things to come, or, more likely, that thought was a sign of an English class too many. I thought it was kinda weird at first. Not the lack of attraction, mind you, but the fact that I was applying it as a term to describe myself. I suppose, looking back, there have been enough blurry moments of maybe sexual attraction that I've analyzed and recategorized so often as to have forgotten the feeling itself. But I digress. I finally had a home base. I hadn't had a conventional crush yet, and that seemed to be an easy way to identify oneself as asexual.

But at some point, I also found the aromantic community. I don't remember it. It warranted a fair amount of attention though, and I recall knowing unlike anything before that this was a term that would be mine. I would quickly establish that I always felt more aro than ace, but the aro community was small and the ace community large, so I stayed.

The asexual community at the time was large, entertwined with the aromantics I knew or knew of. I felt welcome. I don't know that I can still say the same. My disconnect began early freshman year of high school, with the appearance of the discourse.

So much was lost. I thank my unhealthy interest in Myers Briggs typology as a middle schooler for bringing me to Tumblr before the steady loss of my communities hit. Discussion was rich and frequent, diversity and openness to all was the main goal (it was, of course, not perfect). Even if you felt attraction, we welcomed the travelers who thought our label might help them. You could label yourself however you wished and I remember that it would, at worst, start discussion. Over a few short, stressful months... everything began to vanish. First went some blogs I didn't know, then went any semblance of others even pretending to really care what we as asexuals called non asexuals, and lastly, our culture of discussion that did not center on our inclusion slipped away.

You were my community. I was afraid. I bolstered myself with the statement that these opinions were only online until the fateful day in my life where they weren't. My life shifted and changed as a fellow queer leader camp attendee interrupted my teaching about the definition of QPRs with others who had asked for an aromantic opinion. "What, a friendship? God, stop making up terms" he snapped. The other campers watched. I defended the term, on high alert and the defense, experience from the online discourse pushing me to tread with caution.

The next day my camp would hold "sexuality caucuses" in which we separated into groups based on our orientations to discuss our experiences with those like us. Myself and three other aroaces were delighted to meet others like us, and immediately challenged the adult in charge when he called for the "asexuals" to go to our room. We declared ourselves the aspec caucus and pointed out that anyone with an overlapping identity was welcome. We then spent a singular, happy hour discussing anything we wished with no discourses around to distract us. We left to our assigned peer groups excited and glowing.

Here, they rejoined their groups and I mine. Here, I excitedly babbled to my peer leader of how wonderful it was to be in a group where discourse was not killing our discussion, were we could simply exist. Here, she crushed me. Here, she told me that she didn't think we belonged in the community. Here, she said this in front of my group and I deflated like a popped balloon. Here, I affirmed that this label that had never felt quite right felt more and more like a rock I would stand on, alone, adrift. After the meeting ended, I left to cry alone. My adult mentor would appear minutes later, apologize for having missed what had happened, and admit to not knowing the term asexual. I explained it and felt the burden of trying so hard only to fall so hard.

My group would self-advocate. In response to this incident, I arranged a voluntary meeting for breakfast the next morning about aspec topics. Many were incredibly interested and willing to ask us deep questions. The peer mentors as a whole did not show. They had partied that night and slept through it. My peer leader apologized that she did not come. I smiled and left.

I would struggle for nearly two more years before I accepted, over the last year, that I wasn't asexual. I wouldn't admit it until January. I wouldn't know where else to turn but the community with which I had spent so long in, knew the pain of, fought for and educated as, struggled and learned and laughed together as one with. This occurred as the aroallo and aroace community split suddenly became a prominent part of my dashboard.

I don't know where I'd land. Demi was a label I settled on. But... I'm done playing that game. I'm done settling. My experience as ace was painful. My experience with the aro community was my breaking free, my "so invisible they almost don't hurt us", and in the ages of insecurity, I took that. Invisibility is not a privilege. It was, however, a place in which I rested. As the asexual community began to rebuild, it wasn't a place for me anymore. There's such a large culture of aces not having sex, aces being "able to love", aces 'being able to have good marriages", and aces who are aro and run blogs with aroace in the title who almost never talk about aromanticism. The aromantic community of today is more of the type of group I remember and loved, though a little more salty and closed off. I understand. I feel the same. I don't know quite how dropping the SAM will turn out for me, but I think it's well past time.

I hope this description of my struggles in self identification will resonate with others. I hope that people will know and understand, or read and wonder. But ultimately, I want for people to realize: a label that you settle for does not have to be yours. You are not obligated to identify with every label that could fit you, that you've called yourself, or even a label you've spent years searching for. Self acceptance is one thing. Labels are another.

[joker-ace]

Hi, you seem like such a nice person so I thought I'd ask you how you realized you were aro/ace? obviously no pressure to answer or anything, but im 22 and I recently realized that im ace, and there's not a lot of aces that I know, so I thought I could ask you, a fellow ace, what was it like. Anyways if you dont want to answer, totally acceptable, I guess I just had to tell someone even if through anon. Thank you and have a great day!

!!! Hi hi!! sorry for the late reply but hmmm…how to go about this…

It’s gonna get really long, so under a read more ^^;

if u want links on other ppl’s experience—> ace // aroace

I guess, where it began, when I realized I was first asexual? It was during high school, which as u kno, sucked. Because everyone was talking about dating, falling in love, or the ever-constant sex that must have been happening. 

And the thing about all of that was…I wasn’t really disgusted per se…but indifferent? I didn’t feel too strongly about romance or sex, just thought it’ll happen when it happens. (Thats what ppl will always tell u and u’ll wait and wait but u really don’t mind if nothing ever happens which was clue #1 to me.) People will have experiences where sex became very apparent to them, but to me life just kept moving on? There was no sudden realization, no sudden need to do it with anyone. So I really didn’t feel anything different?

And since I didn’t feel strongly about anyone in particular, i just assumed I’m straight. And when I realized i didn’t really care for their gender either, whoever that person may be, I thought I was pansexual because there was still a hypothetical “special someone” in my head. But then when I realized nothing really was happening, i kinda…reversed that thought? What if what I was feeling wasn’t “attraction to ALL” but “attraction to NO ONE″?

It kinda solidified when one of my friend’s kind of jokingly mentioned being asexual. And i was confused because at that time, you know, ppl liked to joke about reproducing asexually and that’s what I thought she meant but she clarified it with me–albeit nervously, but i didnt notice–that it was just lack of sexual attraction to anyone that’s when it clicked.

Realizing i was aromantic was later on, because ppl always put romantic love up there as a definite Need-to-have in living life. So I didn’t question it. But again: nothing was happening. I wasn’t falling in love with anyone. I thought people were attractive, sure. I was definitely close to some ppl enough for others think that we might take it somewhere beyond friendship but…it never happened. And that’s the way I liked it. 

At some point i became really self-conscious about it because if u weren’t thinking of someone in that way, then u were left out on a lot of things. So i got a crush. It was junior yr and i told my friends i had a crush and all of a sudden we had a bunch of things we could talk and tease each other about. But i realized…the crush felt…faked? Like i chose to have a crush on him bc he was a fairly nice guy, with good looks, and we had classes together. It was something to talk with my friends over. 

BUT the moment I knew he had a girlfriend i felt….relieved. I felt relieved that I could drop my crush and that I had a reason to tell my friends so they wouldn’t be confused as to why I wasn’t more heartbroken. (Because I wasnt. I felt nothing change. I just didn’t have to gush about him anymore and that was so much better.)

Or the time i got asked out by my close friend to go to prom, and I got so stressed out that i cried at some points before turning him down. Because even though he was one of the nicest friends and we were close, just the prospect of even the date leading to more dates freaked me out so much. 

So when I went to search up what aromantic meant, i read up on some of people’s experience on it (bc everyone’s is different in some way) but what they were talking about resonated with me so much that I cried and cried because yes. this is me. I wasn’t wrong or weird. I was just…aromantic.