#and that gaslighting is a therapy term

[underwhelmingalchemist]

*mom voice* You can get these words back when you know what they mean

[adhbabey]

You should always be wary of people who swear off therapy and then minimize, attack and step over your own feelings and experiences, because they think they're above having therapy, or they've tried it for one day, or one week and didn't seek another professional's advice.

Because genuinely, my heart goes out to everyone whose tried therapy and it hasn't worked for them because of problems outside of their control. But for people who fight you on the fact that therapy never works, not for anyone, and that they're better off just reading psychology and theory, those are the people that you should criticize the most.

It is obvious to anyone in the disabled or neurodivergent or mentally ill community that plenty of professionals are fucking stupid or ignorant because they haven't researched enough or learned past a certain point in their lives and stopped helping their patients beyond what they took tests for. And those are the people who let down people the most when it comes to helping people. Those are the people you shouldn't trust with your time or money.

So what makes you think that reading a couple psychology books, probably the same old, traditional bullshit, that they taught to all those terrible doctors, will actually help with yours or anyone else's mental health issues. Everyone whose met an annoying psychology major knows. It's clear that trying to be intellectually superior than a literal patient in therapy, or someone actually living with the disabilities described in those books, isn't the brightest idea.

As someone whose tried and failed to DIY their own mental health journey, it is not easy nor recommended to go through this shit alone. You probably shouldn't, because its damn well easy to make your mental health worse, because it's so easy to fuck something up. Like accidentally or purposely triggering yourself, in order to get to the bottom to why you're feeling something. It's not fun.

So please, if you're having trouble finding therapy, there are community resources out there to help you deal with shit on your own, but don't go spouting stuff you don't actually understand. Don't go trusting strangers who say they have the answers to self help, and then twist around actual clinical terms to bring their point home, don't listen to those people. Don't listen to people who spitefully swear off therapy because they think they can handle it all by themselves. Just don't trust people who don't actually have a degree, and still criticize the ones that do. If some advice to you, seems off, or overblown or diminished, you should be questioning that advice. You should be getting a second opinion.

I make mental health and disabled content all the time on here because I want people to be informed, and to find community and resources to get the help that you need. But you can't pull therapy words out of your ass and expect people not to question you. Talk to the community and don't just go informing random strangers, if you don't know what you're talking about.

If you abuse your platform to misinform other ignorant people, you deserve to have your platform taken away. So treat the chance to educate people as a privilege, don't use it to spout bullshit that you don't understand. Therapy isn't a last resort, so don't listen to anyone that treats it that way.

[milfbro]

Sorry that last post felt wrong so I decided to fact check real quick.

According to all the sources I found "trauma bonding" is just the affection the abused feels for the abuser after being exposed to repeated cycles of abuse. The dedinition in the post is a tiny bit wrong. Trauma bonding is not a manipulation tactic. But uh all the serious articles are behind paywalls.

Still we shouldn't be using it to describe a manipulation tactic because it's just using words that describe the emotions of the abused as something that the abuser is doing. Like it's centering the abuser, and it's the opposite of giving agency to the victims

[pinkpeccary]

having feelings about. childhood.

[elucubrare]

the problem with characters talking like they're in a therapy handbook isn't, of course, that they're talking about their feelings - it's good to have characters talk (and fight) about how they feel about each other. the problem is how generic and boring it is to have them use the current Right Terminology - isn't it more fun to have characters have all these feelings but not know what to call them? for them to look for the words to express them, and not find them, at least not neatly?

and besides, all these terms are, to use a food term, concentrates. But I don't want the concentrate when characters have a fight about their emotions - I want the full-bodied juice.

Consider:

"I brought you a bee cake. You've always loved bees."

"You're gaslighting me."

vs.

"I brought you a bee cake. You've always loved bees."

"I've never loved bees! You decided I liked bees. It's the same thing as always. You won't let me choose what I like, you just tell me and expect me to believe it."

The shorter response can do a lot, in specific circumstances, but by taking the shorthand away, so much more space for character is created.

[webanglikethat]

A brief analysis of Wilbur’s “apology”

First part He downplays the severity of his actions by using terms like "slobbish, disrespectful, and selfish" instead of acknowledging the ABUSIVE nature of his behavior. Using terms like those to describe his behavior serves as a form of cognitive distortion known as minimization. By choosing these mild descriptors, the abuser psychologically diminishes the gravity of his actions, making them seem less serious or harmful than they actually are.

By stating that he "regrettably became slobbish, disrespectful, and selfish," he subtly portrays himself as a VICTIM of his own behavior, shifting the focus away from the harm he caused to Shelby. By framing his actions as something that happened to him ("regrettably became"), rather than choices he actively made, he seeks to evoke sympathy and deflect responsibility. This tactic serves to shift the focus away from Shelby's pain and trauma, redirecting attention to his “supposed” remorse and internal “struggles.”

By attributing his behavior to vague reasons like the relationship's "final months," the abuser engages in a form of cognitive distortion known as /externalization of responsibility/. Rather than taking full ownership of his actions and acknowledging his role in perpetuating abuse throughout the entire relationship, he deflects blame onto external circumstances. This tactic serves to minimize his accountability and avoid confronting the uncomfortable truth of his own choices and behaviors. 

While he pretends he is sorry for his actions, he does not directly apologize to the victim. Instead, he apologizes for the IMPACT of his behavior, framing it as regret for causing pain rather than RECOGNIZING the harm they inflicted. This framing allows him to maintain a facade of remorse while minimizing the severity of his behavior. Additionally, by focusing on the consequences of his actions rather than the actions themselves, the abuser deflects attention away from the intentional harm he caused.

He attempts to evoke sympathy by claiming to have sought therapy and made lifestyle changes to rectify his past actions. This tactic is designed to evoke sympathy from others, as it suggests that the abuser is taking proactive steps to change and deserves forgiveness or leniency as a result. Fucking pathetic.

Despite acknowledging that “the ex-girlfriend's” feelings are valid, he fails to address her by name, which can be perceived as dehumanizing and dismissive of her individuality and experiences. By depersonalizing the victim and referring to her simply as his "ex-girlfriend," he diminishes her individuality and agency, effectively erasing her identity and reducing her to a mere object or category and victim.

The abuser subtly undermines the victim’s perception of reality by implying that her perspective is equally valid, despite the clear imbalance of power dynamics and harm caused during the relationship.

He focused on his own growth and improvement, rather than acknowledging the depth of pain and trauma experienced by the victim.

Phrases like "with the hope to gain a deeper understanding for the situation" are vague and ambiguous, designed to manipulate the reader into sympathizing with the abuser's purported efforts at self-reflection and growth without providing concrete evidence of genuine change.

Second part

The abuser downplays the seriousness of the allegations by framing it as consensual and playful behavior. This minimization tactic serves to invalidate the victim's experiences and perceptions of the abuse, while also shifting the focus away from his own culpability. By portraying the abuse as consensual and playful, the abuser aims to obscure the power dynamics at play and maintain control over the narrative.

By emphasizing the consensual and enjoyable nature of their interactions, Wilbur subtly gaslights the victim, causing them to doubt her own memories and interpretations of the events.

The abuser’s selective disclosure of mentioning numerous conversations and text exchanges without providing evidence or context serves as a manipulative tactic to control the narrative and manipulate perceptions. By selectively mentioning these interactions without offering transparency or accountability, he maintains control over the information available to others, allowing him to shape the narrative in his favor. This tactic creates an illusion of credibility and legitimacy without actually providing concrete evidence to support his claims. Additionally, by withholding specific details or context, Wilbur effectively prevents others from fully understanding the nature of these interactions and evaluating their relevance to the situation at hand.

While the abuser offers “apologies” for any pain caused, he does so in a vague and non-specific manner, without acknowledging the specific harm or trauma experienced by the victim. This false apology serves to deflect responsibility and avoid genuine accountability for his actions.

Throughout the apology, Wilbur maintains control over the narrative by emphasizing his perspective and intentions.

He also subtly shifts blame onto the victim by implying that their hurt feelings are solely based on a misinterpretation of their interactions. By suggesting that the victim's perception differs from his own, he indirectly suggests that the victim is overreacting or misunderstanding the situation, further invalidating their experiences and emotions.

Throughout the apology, he avoids taking full responsibility for his actions by emphasizing his perspective and intentions. He fails to acknowledge the harm caused by his behavior and instead focuses on how he perceives the interactions, effectively evading accountability for his actions.

Wilbur uses language aimed at eliciting sympathy and understanding from the reader, such as expressing his shock and offering vague apologies. This emotional manipulation tactic seeks to sway public opinion in his favor and mitigate the potential consequences of his actions without genuine remorse or accountability !! Please look out for this in the future. 

[soquimic]

some things i’ve manifested using the law of assumption —note that i’ve been using it to manifest for years, i was around 8 or 9, so it’s a lot—

1- when i was 8, i remember leaving the church and going home. i really wanted to go to the mall that day because it was almost xmas eve and there’s a lot of activities in my country, i also wanted to see the big xmas tree by the electric stairs. i remember that i affirmed everyday only one affirmation, i didn’t pay attention but lately i realized that ive always been living in the end and didnt realize because my affirmation stated the desire already fulfilled. i affirmed the whole day, i even went to the backyard and looked at the sky as if i was talking with god or something similar. i started affirming around 11 am and by 5 pm my mom was getting ready and i asked her “where are you going?” and she literally told me: i received your school grades, they are all good for me so im taking you to the mall. i lived happily the whole week because i thought that was my first encounter with god or something 😂😂

2- this was in my freshman or sophomore year, i really cant remember the time really well in this one but i do remember that my friend and i had fought and i was really scared because he ignored me everyday and we used to be really close so i reminded my subconscious everyday for like 3 days straight that they were not mad, they were just dealing with stuff or busy (yeah the gaslighting 😘😘) and nah, by day 4 he talked to me again and everything was back to normal like nothing happened.

3- food. yes, the thing i manifest the most is food because i adore eating. i used to live with the assumption: my mom is bringing me chocolate/cheesecake or pizza from work today. EVERY WEEK. and it would happen, i got used to it and stopped assuming random things that had to do with food.

i cant remember any other one, dementia patient right here 🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️

as for my recent ones, ive got a bunch. im a very anxious person and tbh manifesting before was way easier than now. the pressure is killing me but i still managed to manifest stuff from 2021 to this day.

1- a boyfriend. yes, i manifested a boyfriend around april 2021. i didnt go into detail but he had everything i was looking for + he was amazing (at first ofc), he later changed and i had to start attending to therapy sessions cause i got diagnosed and im still traumatized. i forgot to script the loyalty part… so yeah he definitely did cheat and gaslit me. but he made me feel amazing while it lasted. we broke up around 2 months ago and we had 2 years together. i didnt manifest the break up, he did. which is good. the universe sent me signs cause days later after the break up i found out messages and stuff of him cheating the same week of the break up.

2- i manifested for my attachment to go away. note: im the type of person to get attached emotionally to people, i was emotionally depending on my ex, so as soon as we broke up i had a dream where somebody told me to just go out the day after and spoil myself. buy whatever i want and spend some money cause i was working so hard to buy the flight to go and see him. 4 days later when i found out he was with another person i cried in my way to work and i was feeling so well that day that i literally did my hair and makeup but it got smudged :(( but that was the last and first time i cried over him after everything was over. next day i woke up feeling positive and i suddenly let everything go. bad people eventually get what they deserve in life so i just got over it and im not attached to him or the old story anymore!!

3- i manifested new friends plus i contacted my old friends back. most of them were in bad terms with me cause i blocked them out of nowhere because of my ex, everything was so messed up but they forgave me and they are very good friends after all, they text me and hype me up every day so i cannot be more grateful :D

4- i manifested my sp :D after these 2 months i thought to myself: if that person could move on, you can too. so i did, although my sp and me are not fully prepared for a relationship rn, we’re both aware of our mutual attraction and promised to give us time until we were both fully healed 🫶🏻

5- MONEYYYYYY. yeah it sounds like im too ambitious when it comes to money but im soooo silly. i spend everything i get plus i need to pay for my own stuff at school. i dont like bothering my parents with my expenses —even though they are supposed to provide for me but i feel like a problem when i do that so—, i manifested money like 4 times this year??? first, my parents never give me more than 100 for my birthday and all of a sudden they gave me 500$??? i even posted about it my happiness was out of the roof. i went to the cinema w my friends to watch an anime movie that got released on my birthday yayayaya. later, i started working and got like 1,200 in the summertime and now i manifested more money this week TO SAVE. i literally by assuming got into the void and manifested a bag full of money. i wont stfu about it IM AMBITIOUS in a good way with money, i need to move out and start building my future (bro im still 17 😔)

6- clothes and makeup. uMmm im not a fan of makeup tbh buttttt i wanted to have some in case one day i decide to put some on, my skin has always been clear and pretty, my lashes are super long and my eyebrows are really thick so i only worry about doing a perfect lip combo. i got a box and 2 bags full of makeup <3 especially makeup of my favorite brands 😙😙😙 i also was able to buy clothes online very similar to the ones that i had on my pinterest boards ^^ but i kinda forgot to buy shoes.. BFFR 😭😭😭 ive been repeating the same 5 shoes, but im gonna buy some new ones soon!!

7- colognes and jewelry 😘😘😘😘😘 yes, im a fan of these too!! my dad gave me a box full of earrings and rings. but not any kind of earrings, LONG AND BIG EARRINGS W UNUSUAL DESIGNS just how i like them. and some cute rings w rabbit, figures, etc. the colognes smell really well!! i got the nicki minaj perfume in all versions, dior colognes and a box with like 8 different types of victoria’s sprays 🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️

8- a good school year. its only been a month but ive made friends and i find a lot of people WHO SUDDENLY KNOW ME, waving at me in the hallways and im like OH YEAH HI even tho idk who they are?? it feels so goodddddd i feel like an it girl omg 😭😭😭 and also my grades are MAGNIFIC, i got accepted in our honors program and im currently a staff cadet in our military program I DID NOT EVEN KNOW IT WOULD BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO ACQUIRE A HIGH RANK HERE BUT I DID ITTTT I DID ITTTT IM LEADING :D

yeah i cant remember more but thats all i’ve accomplished so far, see u dont need the void to fucking manifest 🥱🥱🥱🥱 gurllll-

[despazito]

I have conflicting feelings about so called "therapy talk" in animated shows nowadays.

I'm not sure if I like the term in general because i think it's dismissive of the concept as a whole, which I feel throws the baby out with the bathwater. Like to me at least the definition of therapy talk means being extremely emotionally mature, being able to successfully identify and communicate your feelings, and using empathy to do the same with others' feelings. which I think are all good qualities to have in a person, but detrimental to a fictional story if this trait is shared equally amongst the WHOLE cast and that's what bothers me about its overusage now.

People just don't have interpersonal conflict this way!! especially amongst kids or teens. Or at least it's extremely uncommon to have these types of kindcore interactions with others outside of a moderated clinical setting.

Emotional intelligence like that isn't a switch you can flick, characters may repress things or drop a facade to deliver some truths or philosophy to the protagonist but it has to dovetail in with the rest of their character. A character who showed no previous capacity for such maturity just feels unnatural to suddenly act very wise for a scene if it's played completely straight.

For instance, Patrick Star is great at playing this for comedy. His sudden rare bursts of extreme mature clarity are so opposite to the rest of his character that it loops all the way back into the comedic. But then imagine a character like Scrappy Doo busting out a lecture on externalizing his unresolved anger from past experiences without a shred of irony. Or Jesse Pinkman breaking his character of a wannabe gangster drug dealer to deliver a carefully worded clapback to walt about toxicity and gaslighting explaining the deepest mechanics of his personality. It would kind of suck, right? Which is why when Aaron Paul's character in Bojack gets a scene like that as Todd, it's very introspective but still delivered in Todd's voice because the writers know Todd and know the boundaries of what he can articulate.

Characters can gain introspection and learn to understand themselves over the course of a narrative, but it has to feel natural and have some precedent. It's a bit annoying when all the characters resolve emotional conflict like they've taken a class in anger management before.

And i think a lot of it is the writer idealizing relationships and interactions between their characters and a weird obsession with morality in fiction now. We need to be spoonfed why this character is bad or what is currently occurring in a lecture from another character lest someone get the wrong impression from the text, in many ways it comes across as unconfident writing.

In a perfect (or dystopian to some) world everyone can communicate impeccably with everyone’s feelings in mind and people will come away with the exact reading of a text the author implied. and sure it can be good escapism if that’s what you crave. but it just doesn’t make for very interesting stories!!

Some writers will try to hide therapy talk under several layers of meta irony, but honestly those can feel even lamer to me and dare I say lazier in execution. It's quite literally telling instead of showing the audience exactly how a character feels by having them sarcastically voice their internal feelings in the format of a mindfulness diary prompt instead of feeling confident enough in your audience to pick up on those themes themselves through subtler acting cues or interactions. It's the internal conflict equivalent of loudly breaking the fourth wall to shout that motorcycle slide was from Akira, instead of having faith in the viewer to catch a reference on their own.

This kind of self aware speaking about emotions definitely has its place, most notably in preschool programming because many of those shows are about teaching kids emotional intelligence and conflict resolution. But I am getting tired of this trope in other genres for older audiences, let things be messy and ambiguous! Your characters don't have to be perfect people! Let them have misunderstandings and make mistakes in relationships instead of speaking like licensed counselors!!

[careless-angels]

i fucking hate it when people weaponize therapy speak in normal everyday situations. widespread misuse of terms like "gaslighting" "boundaries" "ocd" "trauma dumping" almost made human connection feel illegal

[addlepater]

ok not to get involved in this mess but from what I saw on the surface level the apology seems pretty decent? I may well just be shit at picking up on passive aggression or gaslighting or whatever but aside from like a few minor things it really seemed genuine. ive seen people are mad at him for using "therapy speak" but in that situation what else is he meant to do? I think if theres a time to speak formally about this stuff, it's now.

I mean in an ideal situation, with the facts we've got, what would the ideal apology look like? to me, this seems pretty good. if I were in his shoes, and I had already fucked up that massively, I cant really think of anything id do differently in terms of the apology. I think that while yes, we should belive victims we should also remember that people can change and personally, I like to assume the best as a rule of thumb.

once again, I dont know if theres something im not picking up on in it or some underlying evidence to him not being sorry. I dont mean to come off as a prick, I just thought id share my two cents which as im writing this im realising thats kinda unnessacary but you get the point. thanks.

tldr: I think the apology was decent, and im confused as to what people want him to say.

[daybringersol]

if asexuality or aversion to sex comes from trauma, that is absolutely something a therapist and you are supposed to address, that's not queerphobia and equating it to conversion therapy is kinda disgusting and queerphobic itself lmao

That is not what I said in the slightest, to a point where im questioning if youre asking me this in good faith at all. Please actually read and/or reread the words I typed before accusing me of things like this. My initial post was not even worded in a way that was vague enough to be misinterpreted this way.

If you still don’t understand how misguided you are, here is my attempt at putting it more clearly :

Yes, aversion to sex and/or romance and lack of sexual/romantic desires can come from trauma. Therapy can help that, if you find the right therapist. However, from my own experiences, I can tell you that the way a lot of therapists approach this is at best, ineffective, and at worst, downright retraumatizing. If sex and/or romance makes you uncomfortable, being convinced to take part in sexual/romantic acts without you having desires for it or being downright averse to it is a recipe for disaster (for most people). It just puts you into more non-consensual and traumatizing positions. That is what exposure therapy is, and that is what most therapists have tried (and sometimes succeeded) to do to me. Horrible experience, would not recommend to anyone. This approach tries to cure the symptom instead of the issue, and is deeply based in ace/arophobia (seeing “fixing” a lack of attraction as more urgent and important than addressing the source of the issue, the actual trauma).

Also, no. If someone doesn’t feel like fixing their trauma for any reason, nobody should push them to. A therapist can absolutely inform the patient on the benefits of doing so, but trauma work is incredibly hard, very much a long-term thing, and can put the patient in an extremely vulnerable headspace. It’s the mental equivalent of breaking a bone to set it right again. For an abuse victim who just got out of that situation, it is completely understandable for them to want to enjoy their new-found freedom and joy as much as they can, for as long as they want. Pushing them towards trauma work without the right environment, mindset or literally anything else they feel might make this not the right time for it can cause further damage, especially knowing how the current psychiatric institution works.

Asexuality and aromanticism, however, do not come from trauma, or any other neurological differences. It might be affected by it, and people with life experiences similar to aro and/or ace people are welcomed in the community (for exemple, sexual and/or domestic abuse survivors that are sex/romance averse), but it is not caused by it. Most therapy settings are not informed about asexuality, and assume it is a symptom of a underlying issue, that needs to be fixed. The same kind of exposure therapy that I talked about earlier is often used to “cure” aro and/or ace people, putting them those same non-consensual and traumatizing situations. That is conversion therapy, and medical use of coerced corrective rape. These therapists are, often with methods similar to gaslighting (and I use the original meaning of the word here, not the diluted tiktok version of it), convincing people to do sexual and/or romantic acts that they have no desire to do, to fix an issue that doesn’t exist, with the explicit goal of making someone not queer. Please explain to me how that is not conversion therapy.

Other forms of arophobia and acephobia are prevalent in psychiatric institutions as they are today, tho I wouldn’t call most of those conversion therapy. You only need to look at the notes on my post to see what I’m talking about.

I genuinely hope that this is a formative experience for you, and that in the future, you learn to actually read what is written before you send messages like this. Have a good day.

[jaydastorm13]

Episode 10 of My Demon:

My dislike of Star Jin has intensified. I've never understood the TV trope of delusional manipulation in the hopes of getting who you want. If anything, it devalues the love the manipulator thinks s/he/they have for tbe object of that affection.

"Oh, I conveniently found out that the love of my life did XYZ, and you're the CONVENIENT witness! Let's be together!"

Bitch, no.🤨

Six episodes left. Will we finally see what happened to Do-hee's parents, and see Madam Ju's connection?? Will DO-HEE ever find out?? I'm going to be honest, I'm not phased by her having to die, because there's always a dramatic way to fix the situation, with a lot of time to figure it out. If this was pulled out, like, with 2-3 episodes left, I might sweat a bit before remembering that I'm in KDramaLand.

Okay. The cute way Gu-won tried to spare her about the cake is so cute. The demon with puppy-like tendencies is wreaking HAVOC on my feels.🥹 Ah, confessing while your love is asleep..🥰

HOLD THE HELL AWN!!! No wonder little brother is so messed up!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?! Forcing him to go to therapy is long-term gaslighting. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT!!

And FUCK STAR JIN FOR MANIPULATING MY SEOK-HOON!! I am so damn sick of her. Nothing she does or nothing anyone tells me will redeem her at this point. Nothing. You got my baby involved. For a man who DOESN'T WANT-Oh, my God...

All of this for a job and some money?! Again. As I've said in other posts, there has GOT TO BE MORE TO IT THAN THIS! See, that bitch hoped he would still choose her. She makes me SICK!!

This...is admittedly a lot, considering that the show isn't over. Are-are we going to sweat for six episodes? WAIT THEY HEALED?! AHHHH HE GOT THE TATOO BACK BECAUSE SHE DIED!! OMG!!

That wrapped up faster than I'd thought?! Hmm. Why do I feel like Seok-hoon is joining that side to get information...and why do I feel like it's gonna cost him? I'm not ready for that.🥹 Aside from Star Jin...existing...it was another good episode! (Kudos to the actress, BECAUSE I CANNOT STAND THE CHARACTER!!)

[cupcraft]

i hate when they gaslight house about his pain. i definitely think that sometimes his physical pain is exacerbated by his stress/mental pain but that isnt something to disregard either. When hes stressed he thinks about his pain more even if it doesnt hurt any more than it did yesterday and people brush him off like it isnt a real thing. like 😭😭😭It still hurts guys

Exactly.

Like stress, anxiety, trauma, etc. are all things that can exacerbate pain and make it worse. They are things that can be caused by the pain, intersect with it, etc. It can make the pain harder to process and manage. Many things. Chronic pain and your mental state are linked but that DOES NOT mean his pain is "made up" just "psychological".

House needing therapy and addiction counseling aside, his pain is still real. It's always real. HIs pain being amplified by stress isn't fake. His pain causing stress which then causes it to be amplified in a cycle isn't fake. His pain is real and deserves to be taken seriously. Every fucking doctor in this show has no fuckign clue what chronic pain is like and it shows. They also act like House being addicted to vicodin is some moral failing when in fact like um he also does need pain management...and opiates are a form of pain management and a consequence of long term opiate pain management can be addiction which becomes a chronic illness on its own that deseves its own patience and management. People, other than fellow patients and disabled characters that also get what he's going through, see House's pain as a made up moral failing that is just his long sinister plan to be drug seeking which is just one of the most gutting parts of the show (and unfortunately a reality for how many people and the medical system treats disabled people and also addicts).

I think it becomes the most jarring when there's a narrative how many people defend Stacy's decision to break House's medical consent and autonomy, and the near sort of judgement he gets for not wanting an amputation. His decision over his body part is his own, his relationship to his leg is his own, his autonomy over wanting a prosthetic versus a leg and a cane is his own. There should be no morality assigned to what House wanted to do with his leg injury. And maybe, that morality is assigned as a sense of guilt people (especially Cuddy) have for the fact the only reason he was injured in the first place is that people gaslit him to think his pain was made up and that he was just some drug seeking individual (see the lecture episode where he talks about this especially amplified about how even the med students thought this patient who was really him was drug seeking and not having a blood clot).

There's also a way that many characters weaponize his pain, like they're trying to teach him a lesson to his "ego" and "selfishness". For example, I think to the episode where they took his parking space and made him and another disabled doctor be pit against each other. I think to how like "well technically the ADA and your accomodations says you can walk 50 feet so your new parking spot is exactly 46 feet so that means youre full of shit house!" and I think to how Cuddy was like "um being ambulatory is less disabled than non-ambulatory" which is gross and fucked up. I hate how she made him "prove" his disability by making him use a wheelchair, and I hate how she punished him for standing to save a patient's life. I hate how she was unreceptive to House being like "hey well 46feet or not you dont understand how much goes into my day planning where to walk, when I use the bathroom, when the elevator's out, etc. My whole day revolves around managing and mitgating my chronic pain" and like telling her there's more to his accomodations just being like "50 feet" because it is in fact more nuanced than that. And instead, it's again, yet another moral failing. The narrative pushed on house of "If only he amputated his leg and stopped seeking drugs he'd be so much better" versus the reality f addiction and chronic paina nd how that intersects with mental health

[switchcase]

"There is nothing inherently wrong with talking about these things, but there is a way that western society currently engages with trauma that is extremely Freudian and rather useless to everyone involved."

I'm very curious about this - please could you explain more?

Freudian psychology is, basically, this idea that if anything is currently maladaptive with your behavior or way of thinking, then it stems from some adverse childhood experience. The term "anal retentive" actually comes from this--Freud theorized that if you were obsessed with order and control then something bad must have happened during the psychosexual period of development focused on your anus that caused you to be like that in adulthood, whether you remembered it or not or whether you felt it was true or not.

Current western culture is very into this idea that anything currently wrong with you must be because of your past and it must have been something traumatic that happened. It frames the human experience as this very stagnant, inert thing that you are simply saddled with rather than something you have any semblance of control over. It devalues positive and negative experiences both by pretending that only trauma could possibly influence your behavior, when every single experience and interaction you have affects you.

Combined with western individualism and it becomes not a discussion of trauma, how to support each other as a community and as people, how to address traumatic events, but instead a fixation on what makes ME different and why I act the way I do and why it is completely ok for ME to behave that way regardless of how I affect others. It is not about actually unpacking experiences, not about healing, but only labelling them because now that is your identity. Add in this idea of the self as a brand, the self as a commodity, the self as an image to sell, and you get trauma as its own brand. This is how you get articles about the president gaslighting the nation, how you get people selling crystals for $300 to heal your inner child, people on Etsy selling DBT worksheets you could have gotten for free, how you get data tracking mental health apps that report your depression to your boss, how you get therapy speak and accusations of abuse if a friend group breaks up, how you get people who decide that anything unpleasant that happened to them was clearly traumatic rather than simply unpleasant because if it's NOT traumatic why would it affect them so much? It becomes competition--in a capitalist society wherein everything you are is a weapon against everyone else, why wouldn't it be a competition for who has it worse, better, whose story is most unique, how else can it be monetized? This is how you get abuse terminology watered down, weaponized, thrown out for shock value and social gain.

None of this is how you actually work on anything, though. The BIGGEST thing that prevents someone from developing long term maladaptive behaviors after experiencing trauma is a support system. But in the midst of all this talk on trauma in the west, because it is all so individualistic and self-serving, everyone is still so achingly alone. This fixation on trauma is not actually preventing other people from being traumatized on a wide scale. It is not helping people who are already traumatized. Talking is a great help, awareness of these things is so essential to preventing more hurt, but this is not what is happening on a wide scale amongst every day people. Because on a wide scale westerners have not formed an actual community, have not formed any community safety nets, do not point each other to community resources.

[lokisprettygirl]

The Night Screams at The Slumber Island (Loki x Female Reader) (Horror Romance) (Dark) (Au) (18+)

Read Chapter 12 here //Series Masterlist

Chapter 13

Summary : Steve brings some trouble. Your relationship with Loki grows even deeper.

Warning: Steamy stuff, 18+, discussion of rape, discussion of threesomes and poly relationships, sexual abuse, gaslighting, cheating, mention of Suicide, discussion of mental illness, therapy please read carefully. If something triggers you please don’t read it.

When you woke up that morning you found him in the kitchen. He was shirtless, his hair was tied in a bun, few strands adorning his face in a delicate manner like always, his trousers hung low at his waist and you felt your thoughts drifting again. The urge to get close to him was intense but as soon as he was in such a close proximity you felt threatened, you couldn't go forward no matter how much you wanted.

"Good morning darling" you snapped out of your thoughts when you heard his sultry deep voice, you couldn't help but wonder how wonderful it would feel to wake up to his voice everyday.

"Sorry I didn't mean to pry and stare like a creep" you squeezed your eyes and crossed your arms as you walked towards him, it was a cold morning and you wanted to stay in bed all bundled up, the school was closed today so you were very happy about that prospect.

"It's alright love, I know I'm very pleasing to look at" he winked at you and your face flushed, a shirt appeared on his body as he clicked his fingers then the green shawl he had conjured for you before appeared as well so he walked towards you and draped it around you, he leaned down to kiss you forehead before he stepped away from you.

"Thank you loki" you mumbled softly and he nodded, you asked him if he had a spare toothbrush so he conjured one and gave it to you, you had no idea if he needed to do all those thing, you had never seen him using the bathroom when he was with you but you knew he showered at least, sometimes you wondered if he even needed that because he always smelled divine, a mix of sandalwood and lemongrass, both scents made you feel comforted and at home.

After using the bathroom you wrapped the shawl around you again, there were fluffy slippers placed outside the door so you put it on too and made your way back to the kitchen then you hopped on the kitchen counter.

"Do you really have to cook, can't you just magic it ?" You asked him and he chuckled,

"That would be quite rude of me to do that, that's not how one should treat a beautiful lady now is it?" He asked you and you smiled, you loved the fact that he was making an effort, you still didn't understand your relationship with him, when you came here you considered him a friend but after everything he has told you, you just didn't know where you two were at.

"I ummm I just don't want you to think that you have to be liable for me all the time, I don't want to be a burden..I mean don't you want to go back home and be with your own people?" He stopped whatever he was doing and walked towards you, your breathing quickened immediately the more he closed the distance between you two but you didn't feel scared of him, there was a part of you that had come to truly believe that he won't hurt you. He placed his arms on the counter and leaned into you slightly, your gaze fell down automatically as that happened. You felt so alive around him. So shy, so timid like a schoolgirl with a silly crush on the man of your dreams.

"I do not have much over there, the people you speak of aren't my people anymore"

"Ummm what about your mother?"

"We are not on speaking terms for now"

"Ohhh I'm so sorry" you wanted to ask him what happened but you didn't want to be overbearing or nosey. He had told you enough already yesterday.

"You're not a burden to me, trust me darling if there was any hesitation on my behalf I wouldn't be here right now" you looked up at him and you could see the sincerity in his eyes, nobody has ever made you feel important like this before, sure you made friends along the way but nobody was there for you when they hurt you, when they tried to tell you that you were insane and there was no truth to your claims, when your world turned upside down your friends were the first ones to leave

"It may not feel that way to you but I enjoy your company very much and being with you here is very…calming for my soul " your eyes teared up as he said that and your arms flung around his neck, then you hugged him as tightly as you could. He sighed in response and it wasn't a sigh of annoyance but more of relief, he wasn't lying to you, he did feel calm and fulfilled around you, he never thought it was possible for him to develop a relationship like this with a mere mortal.

"You make me feel calm too Loki and I haven't had that feeling since the…since the accident" you mumbled softly as you pulled away and he furrowed his brows, he wished he could have done something to change your past but he wasn't the God of time.

Before things could escalate further he stepped away from you and finished the breakfast, after you had eaten you decided to get back to your place, on the way you noticed the scratch marks on the floor in his living room and it made you curious

"What happened? It wasn't there yesterday"

"Ahhh just some wild creature, do not worry about it, I scared it away" he chuckled and you couldn't help but smile, his smile truly was contagious. After you showered, you wanted to go for a walk on the beach, you wanted to ask Loki but you didn't feel comfortable enough so you went by yourself.

You had just started to enjoy the feeling of sand beneath your feet when you saw Steve approaching you, there was no one else on the beach and it kind of made you scared, you looked at the watch and it was hardly around 1 pm but the weather was dark, cloudy and had its typical slumber island gloominess. You had the shawl wrapped around you tightly and your own nails were digging in your own arms because of the way you felt around him.

"How are you y/n?" He asked you so you smiled politely.

"I'm good Steve, how are you??"

"I'm good, it gets a bit lonely here don't you think?" he said to you and you hummed in response, maybe you could have related with that if you actually were lonely but you weren't. Not anymore.

"Yeah I mean..not many people here around our age I guess" you mumbled and he stepped closer to you which instantly made you take a step back, he looked decent today, he smelled good too but you knew you couldn't trust a man like him.

"That's a shame really, I don't remember when was the last time I had sex you know" he chuckled and it made you even more uncomfortable, why would he talk about sex when he knew of your history?

"Ohh sorry baby, it must bother you after ..you know..that awful tragedy. You poor thing, has any man wanted to be with you since the incident?" You couldn't believe your ears as he said that, you knew you couldn't have trusted that fake smile of his. You turned around to leave and he caught up to you and stood in front of you which heightened all your senses.

"Look I'm sorry I'm just nervous, truth is I like you alot and I just want to spend some time with you..can we do that?" He asked you and he could tell you were getting irritated but he also knew that you were scared of him. Good thing he thought, the more scared you are, the easier it would be for him to manipulate you later.

You thought about Loki but he wasn't there, you couldn't see him there, he wasn't going to save you like he had promised to.

"No thank you, get out of my way" you glared at him and he was going to touch you when you took several steps backwards before you ran to the other side, it had started to rain heavily and you had dropped the shawl somewhere. You felt angry, so angry in the moment, not just with Steve but also Loki. He said he'd always be there when you needed him so where was he? Steve could have hurt you.

Steve followed you for a while as he called out your name but the closer you got to your house the farther he went away from you. You were drenched in the rain from head to toe and the wiser thing to do would have been to go home and make yourself a warm cup of coffee but you never had any control over your emotions when you were angry.

Before you could reach his house, he already had his door opened so you stormed inside, he knew you ran all the way from the beach, your dress was soaked, you were dripping water in the middle of his living room and you seemed extremely furious.

"Where were you?" You asked him as you stepped closer to him, your eyes were burning red with tears of frustration.

"I was there darling"

"No you weren't there ..you are a liar, and you are just playing me, he could have hurt me and you weren't there were you?" You raised your voice and he sighed, he didn't want you to be upset with him but maybe you needed to let all the pent up feelings of anger out and if it was him who was supposed to take the brunt of it then be it.

"I am always there with you, you just can't see me" you snickered as he said that.

"Ohhh really? So at what point were you going to barge in and hurt him? When he would have put his hands on me? or you were waiting for him to rape me too?" By the time you were done speaking the sobs had settled in and you broke down immediately, his eyes teared up as well so he walked closer to you.

"I wouldn't let him touch you, I promised you hmm? I was there..I'm always there with you whenever you'd need me"

You shook your head as you looked down, your anger was misplaced, you knew that, the verbal breakdown you just had left you feeling embarassed to the core.

"I'm sorry" you sobbed as you apologized to him, he has been nothing but kind to you and you have been nothing but rude to him at several times.

Your cries prickled his heart because he knew that Steve was just the tip of the iceberg, the rest of them wanted to hurt you even worse.

"Just calm down my darling girl, no need to apologize alright?" he placed his hands around your arm and pulled you closer to him so you cupped his cheeks and kissed him, one of his arms circled around your waist while the other one held your head.

"I'm sorry loki..I didn't mean to yell..I'm so sorry" you mumbled between the kiss and he took a few steps back until he hit the wall, then he picked you up easily and your legs wrapped around his waist, he was holding you in a manner that gave you leverage over him and you had to keep your head down so you could kiss him. Your hands sneaked inside his shirt and he moaned as he felt your nails caressing his skin.

He should have been the gentleman, he should have stopped you and comforted you, he definitely shouldn't have had filthy images of you underneath him as he'd make love to you but it was all there, he couldn't control it anymore, he didn't think he even wanted to. As you pulled away to breathe his lips latched onto your neck, he sucked the droplets of rain water off your skin slowly and your head rolled back as you felt the wave of sensations building up inside you.

"Couch please" you mumbled in his ears and he immediately complied. You sat down right on his crotch and the friction made you both moan loudly,

"Goddd sorry I'm drenched" you mumbled hurriedly and he couldn't help but smirk

"Are you?"

You didn't reply with words, you kissed him instead. As your hips rolled on top of him, he was cautious of your reactions, he didn't want to startle you right now, he wanted you to feel safe about what you were doing so he allowed you to take this the way you wanted and needed at the moment.

"Ohhh God that feels good" you moaned and he hummed in response, his arms wrapped around your body but you put them away quickly, then you linked his fingers with yours and placed them over his head

"Keep them there okay?" your voice sounded firm and he was completely captivated. That's when he knew what you needed, you needed control in moments like this, you didn't have control of your body after the accident and when that horrible monster forced himself upon you, you couldn't do anything about it, you didn't have any control over them.

"Yesss love, I will do whatever you want and need from me, just touch me please" his arms sprawled over the head of the couch and as you sucked several little kisses on his neck you felt him hardening underneath you, his warmth rubbed against your core as you kept grinding on him slowly.

"Godd this feels good..so good" you moaned as the sensations grew with every roll of your hips, the sounds he kept making only fuelled the fire that was burning in you.

"Norns my love..you truly are ravishing" he moaned along with you and you humped against him until the dam broke inside you, you haven't had an orgasm in a long time and the release made you scream his name out loud. He couldn't take his eyes off you, whatever he had imagined at nights in the past few weeks were nothing compared to how ethereal you looked amidst the height of pleasure.

As soon as you came back to your senses he noticed your flushed look and bashfulness making its way back into your demeanor.

"Ummm you…you did not..I.."

"It's okay, Don't worry about it love" you bit on your lower lip as he said that, you figured it would take a hell lot more than just humping to make a god cum.

"I was really close and no I'm not lying to you" you smiled a little at the courtesy, he just knew whatever was bothering you at the moment somehow. You got off his lap after you kissed him one more time.

"Ummm I should go change my clothes?"

"Want to stay here?" He asked you and you fiddled on your spot. You really wanted to stay "You can wear my clothes"

"Okay" you mumbled quickly and that made him smile, he could have easily dried you using the magic but that would have meant that he wouldn't get to see you in his clothes so he took his chances. He didn't know what would happen to you two once he gets you out of here.

In the shower, your fingers traced every inch of your skin, you could still feel his body against you, you could still feel his touch on your skin and his lips on yours.

He had given you the maroon shirt of his and a black trouser, you were drowning in his clothes but you looked adorable like always. He was making tea for you so you walked closer to him and hugged him from behind, he had taken the shirt off and even changed his pants, you didn't have to wonder why. His bare skin felt soothing and he shivered as you placed soft kisses on his back.

"I'm sorry Loki, I didn't mean to hurt you…I just..I got really scared and I couldn't see you and–" your eyes teared up so he turned around and cupped your cheeks,

"And I understand that, you don't have to apologize, okay?"

"Why are you so kind to me..what did I even do to have you?..I mean I'm not even that special"

"Don't say that, you're one of your kind, there can never be someone who'd exactly be like you" you smiled as he said that. He noticed the sullen look on your face and he couldn't tolerate that in the slightest.

"What's bothering you sweetheart?"

"I dropped the shawl you gave me somewhere on the way, I really wanted to keep it, it was soo warm and ...ummm fluffy" your eyes teared up so he kissed your forehead and then he clicked his fingers, you had the shawl wrapped around your body instantly. You couldn't stop smiling after that and after enjoying the tea he had made, you laid down on his bed, he took his place next to you so you clasped your fingers with him, that made him feel all fuzzy, he remembered he used to feel this way with her all the time before their relationship crumbled down and became nasty.

He couldn't help but wonder what It would be like to go to bed with you every night. To have someone like you who he knew won't hurt him the way she did.

He turned his head to look at you so you leaned into him and then you kissed him passionately.

That day couldn't have ended on a bad note, or that's what you had thought and of course every time you felt your life could get back to being normal it only got more complicated, you got a call from Phil that your therapist Stephen was waiting on the dock to see you.

But he wasn't alone, he brought someone with him. Someone you never wanted to see again.

💀💚💀💚💀💚💀💚💀💚💀💚💀💚

[crimeronan]

henry only went to therapy to pick up new terms to gaslight (well meaning. Extremely Insistent.) gansey with. gansey I'm literally only doing this to heal my inner child. yeah no it's. okay sure it might be murder from YOUR viewpoint and I see where you're coming from but therapist cassie said it's my duty to treat my childhood self with grace so that my current interpersonal relati-- yes yes I tied him up. Yes he was screaming but only until... Okay see, when you get mad at me like that it's kind of really triggering, Gansey, especially considering your position in society and the power dyna

i love henry being a complete fucking nightmare. deserve