#and the reason some of the like ‘haha teenagers and their technology’ jokes don’t totally land

[maybeimamuppet]

Hey uh I need you to go more in depth about the "the characters know they're in a musical" thing because that is an insane take I've never heard about any musical in my entire life

hello i will do so and relish in it

okay to begin with this only applies to the stage production. both movies we are just watching what’s happening in real time imo. they have no idea wtf is going on look at them.

when the stage production opens damian has a whole little spiel like “good morning freshmen! welcome to high school!” and then cautionary tale happens and blah blah blah etc.

it’s also worth noting that. mean girls is objectively not a good musical. is it my favorite yes will i shank anyone outside the fandom who says this 100% BUT if you compare it to something like the prom with a similar setting/similar vague concept it’s really not. not great.

BUT i think this was kind of weirdly intentionally done.

again in the beginning during it roars and whatnot the animals that walk by are clearly just people in costumes and i think that’s also on purpose. the zebras have paintbrushes for manes for pete’s sake (like janis hello???)

SO i personally think that what we’re seeing is a musical that damian and janis co-wrote. i think damian did most of it and janis helped. she wrote i’d rather be me and things like that

i think it’s bad because it was written and produced by actual teenagers themselves. i am 100% convinced that they are seniors acting out the previous year as a sort of welcome to high school assembly for the incoming freshmen. mr. duvall said they could either do something creative to tell their story as an example of why Bullying Is Bad ™ or have detention for the entirety of the next year and they did this. the others have to act in it for the same reason and janis and damian just wanted to.

they’re acting as themselves and fully self aware the entire time. it feels like it’s happening in real time because it’s only been a few months since it did and the memories are fresh for all of them.

karen is the only one who breaks the fourth wall (except janis and damian at the top of the show and top of the second act) for GOOD REASON!! SHES DONE IT ALL BEFORE!!!!!

the reason janis and damian are the sort of narrators and the audience’s window into the show is because they’re the ones who are putting it on and producing it.

anyway in conclusion i fully believe they’re aware they’re in a musical and this is all happening like in their school gym or auditorium lmao

[dipplie]

Temporary list of my stories and OC’s until one day I make a comprehensive and well made list:

Blinded:

Polli: My oldest OC and fun fact was my persona till she become edgy and I wasn’t 12 anymore. Everyone’s favorite yes yes I’m aware. Yellow, energetic, eats dirt and bugs, I can’t tell if she’s evil because of a wisp possession or just crazy. Breaks the 4th wall. Is she a Mary Sue???????? Who knows.

Melody: NOT Polli’s girlfriend despite Polli’s delousions. Has an abusive mom :(. Only has one eye and then no eyes and then robot eyes or smthn idk she becomes a badass when she gets older. But otherwise trembling in her shoes all the time.

Melodys Mom/Sharren: Bitch. Okay well all I’ll say is she’s old and grumpy and probably smells bad.

Louise: Total hotty, rich kid, FtM, got bullied as a kid for his weight. Had a squad of fans basically in high school. Lived with his mom after his parents got a divorce but his mom was semi abusive, projected her femininity onto him, and wouldn’t have been supportive of his transition, so between middle and high school he went to live with his dad and got his sex change and testosterone. His best friend in elementary and middle school stopped talking to him after his transition, and became his competition for the most attractive and sought after boy in school (except Louise is a sweetheart while his friend Tommy is a dick and really gross) His dad runs a company that specializes in technology, and after meeting and falling in love with Melody (even after all her abusive trauma and losing both her eyes) he has his dad and some of the developers create a way to get her vision back and I mean honestly I love him how could you not love him he’s so perfect.

Watching:

Fick: Big nerd boy with thick glasses. I feel like he’d use Reddit but don’t quote me on that. Big crush on Vivinya. Boy don’t wander into the woods- oh look dead body with a curse on it don’t touch it- aaaand now he has a wisp that makes him kill people, way to go kid. Panic attack central.

Vivinya: True crime girl, yucky yucky. Probably had a knife collection. “uwu I’m insane” except she actually is and starts using Fick to kill people for her and treats him like her “Yandere boyfriend” or something cringe and gross oh god. She deserves jail. JAIL. Needs to learn guys need to give consent too. Just overall sucks 1/10.

Tommy: I mentioned him early to be Louises ex best friend and rival. He used to have a crush on Louise actually but that don’t excuse being a BITCH!!!! Also needs to learn people gotta give consent he is just as gross as Vivinya. Cheats on all the girls he gets with because he’s again, a bitch. Idk if he deserved to get murdered though I mean he was still a teenager but it’s fine. Thinks of the song Seventeen from Heathers actually this story does feel a tad reminiscent of heathers with vivinya being a crazy and wanting to off a bunch of students. Huh.

Suzannie: Tommy’s older sister who’s a detective. What a coincidence. Monotone and depressed. Probably because her little brother got murdered. Gets real awkward when she’s talking about her brothers murder(s) to Fick and Vivinya like “when I find who did this to him they’ll regret being born”. Kind of really pretty actually.

Adolescents (there isn’t actually a story here yet but don’t worry about it shhhh):

Nelson: HIMBO HIMBO H- Jock stupid idiot big dork god he’s so awkward and his main personality trait is having a crush on Naomi and being a dork when talking to her. Probably could benchpress you.

Naomi: Gamer or something and a nerd geek. Her main personality trait is having a crush on Nelson and also being a dork when talking to him. Probably a weeb and fandom dweller. Can’t draw but she commissions artists to draw. She does write copious amounts of fanfiction though.

Andrés: Ohhh the school bad boy babyyyy. Baseball bat with nails in it or something. There’s like... A thing between him in Charlotte and he wants to be a thing but she’s being difficult and makes it hard to talk to her or about her and ugh.

Charlotte: Princess, high school princess. She’s actually pretty nice when you get to know her- but she’s a diva. Ballerina after school. Best friends with Naomi and doesn’t know what she’s talking about when she mentions ships or OTPs but she listens anyways because she’s a good friend. There’s like... A thing between her and Andrés but she doesn’t know if she’s super into him but geez he’s really hot but she gets such mixed responses when she asks her friends about it and what if it doesn’t work outttt.

Marlon: They/Them but they’re okay with either pronouns they aren’t sure yet, he or she is okay... Box boy box boy. Autism... He doesn’t want to admit He’s attracted to men but he’s totally attracted to men. He lives alone which is probably illegal for his age but somehow he manages. Everyone thinks he’s “the quiet kid” and he’s really sad about it no don’t make jokes like that please guys ahh-

Sing for Me:

Kat: The color pink, addahadda(adhd), angry and loud and short. For being only like 10 and being an adorable little lesbian dressing in sparkly pink dresses she actually likes screaming a lot and would totally sing heavy metal if her producers let her. Loud and mad but gets so soft around her girlfriend. “If anything happens to Brie I’m killing everyone in this room and then myself”.

Brie: French... Birds and stuff. Loves her girlfriend even though she is so loud. So fast. So much. Likes to write pretty things. Is only like an inch taller than Kat. Filled with so much love for everything.

Elliot: The girls manager. Lots of coffee. Stressed out of his MIND please help this man. Probably gay. Seems like a smug dick but he is just a tall and lanky dork that loves puppies and wants nothing more than for Kat and Brie to be happy. Accidentally brands them as sisters and then Kat kisses Brie and- oh fuck oh shit oh no what has he done. Hides the fan and non fan responses from them. Poor guy.

Horror Hosts:

Ichabod: Hot demon who’s the son of the current ruler of hell or something. I mean he’s hot, smart, and royalty, what more do you want. I very specifically hear the dub voice of Kyoya Ootori from OHHC as his voice don’t @ me. Goat legs????? Yeah??? Don’t be rude.

Barnabie: Ohhhhhhhhh big orc teddy bear I’m crying I love him????? He puts up a more confident ploy and the given stereotypical personality orcs supposedly have but he’s just a shy boy that wants to give girls flowers and call boys pretty. Help him.

Garrison: Gary Burger. Fat hairy gay man. I mean werewolf. Wouldn’t it be funny if I made the whole werewolf thing backwards and made him transform into a HUMAN only on the full moon??? Party animal, pun absolutely intended. LOUD AND FUNNY he’s a dork. Bites. Horny on main Garrison please you’re supposed pamper and flirt with the guests but not quite that much.

Vincenzo: Token Vampire but he’s Italian because I felt like it. Talk and lanky of course. Bitch face. Blood coffee? Yeah lots of coffee. Tired. Let him sleep in Ichabod. Steps on people. Can summon and reanimate corpses but has a bitter attitude towards them because they get annoyed with him as much as he gets annoyed with- everyone else. He does have a soft spot but idk where it is. When he’s talking to guests he’s more suave and sexy though.

Kai: Genderfluid haha get it because slime fluid-... I’ll stop. Probably objectively the hottest because they can look anyway they want and shift their vocals to sound like almost anything, also probably objectively the best in bed (if you’re okay with the texture of Jell-o) and honestly come on save some for the rest of us it’s not fair. This boy can SING oh my god seranade me and whisper in my ear baby. Spunky and sassy.

Hallvor: BABY OCTOPOD BOY OHHHHH I LOVE HIM HE’S SO SWEET AND IS AN ANGEL DARLING BOY SO EMBARRASSED SO SHY SOFTEST VOICE OHHH- ohhh nooo he’s got a knife ohhhhh Hallvor baby don’t be like that ohhhh... Used to work in hentai actually (I wonder why) but quit because of immoral practices and good for him we love that. Okay he’s not actually a yandere or whatever but he DEFINITELY wants to squeeze you a little too hard and has those crazy eyes.

Carla: Main character of this OHHC monster clone. She sucks I don’t like her because listen listen she kills monsters as a living and when she tries to kill our boys here, Ichabod catches her and goes “no” but then the rest (not knowing her murderous intent) fall in love with her and Ichabod is like: “shoot well I’ll keep you alive and around but I’m watching you” and blah blah romance and feelings and character development and wow she seems like she’s grown to care about them... So Ichabod removes a curse he put to prevent her from harming them or leaving... AND THEN SHE STABS THEM ALL IN THE BACK IM CRYING. I mean she might have an extra reason for needing to kill them but I haven’t decided if I want to actually put it in the story yet so.

Fingertips:

Maria/Marianna: Was this goth angry chick and the head of these losers but after a failed heist, fire, and being betrayed and dropped from a window on a 3rd or 4th story down into flames, and going to the hospital and changing her name, she changed totally and become a soft pretty girl... And then the next three boys went “HEY BOSS WE FOUND YOU” and she went “oh no” and now she’s just an anxious wreck like “no no no no no I don’t shoot people in the face anymore no no no no no” And has a fear of hands. Also was Diamontés best friend in primary school and yes all these characters went to the K-12 school all the other characters do/did. Pretty voice. The story is mostly about her being anxious around all the other characters because who was it that betrayed her and dropped her into the flames below? Find out next week on th-

Nikki: He’s that character that you see and immediately go “oh he’s gross and is angry and is a bitch” and you’re right he is and has a cockney accent and screams a lot and probably swings a knife around a lot, but he’s got a sweet interior (somewhere in there... somewhere) Screamo heavy metal. Him and the rest of these character briefly talked about having a band and then they didn’t and then at the end of the story they do and although he plays guitar mostly, if he does do lead vocals he screams a lot. Bitch.

Anthony: Pretty boy but like the “was in the army” pretty boy vibe. Probably played football in highschool. Pyromaniac. Punches Nikki a lot. Almost gives himbo vibes sometimes, almost. Kind of likes the old timey cozy aesthetic. Plays the piano sometimes but “oh I’m not very good at it” Plays extremely well

Diamonté: TALL. Purple goth boy aesthetic hellll yeahhhh. CRAZY EYES AND THEY SPEAK VOLUMES WATCH OUT. Drums. The scary kind of quiet because he just smiles at you. Crowbar. Okay but he’s actually really sweet though. Secretly loves watching Anthony and Nikki get into fights so that’s why he rarely puts a stop to it. I think he’s a sadist. Can be a gentle giant, but can also be a not so gentle giant. The only time he’s really talkative is after copious amounts of booze.

Unnamed/Undesigned 1: Literally a pimp and he’s pretty gross. Blonde hair and pink and white clothes.

Unnamed/Undesigned 2: Chick that likes to throw knives and be angry and threatens Marianna a lot but in a quiet and monotone way, Marianna is pretty scared and hopes that these are just shallow threats uhhhhh.

Unnamed/Undesigned 3: Sells guns (without a lisence of course) and wears a bandana over his face a lot. Tired. Grumpy.

Unnamed/Undesigned 4: Like Marianna, was cold hearted and cool but then got caught in the fire and got all soft. He only has one eyes but how sweet his eyepatch is a heart. Recoved along side Marianna and they are good friends good friends tha- wait Marianna are you going back with them oh god you can’t do that oh dear oh no oh-

(I don’t have a story or name for these two but they’re my comfort ship OC’s and my current hyper fixaction right now):

Rodriquéz: I literally designed him with almost all the traits I find attractive in a guy other than freckles so as you can imagine I find him super HOT. I also designed his personality on what I find attractive from a guy so as you can imagine I find him super GREAT. But anyways he’s grumpy and closed off and monotone and smug. I really could go on for hours about how I want him to step on me I’m so sorry guys. Both him and Samantha give the “21 and having immature fun” vibes. They’re a thing but they like going to bars together and splitting off and doing their own thing (or doing someone else’s thing if you get what I mean haHhahHhahGahGhaha-) But so help them if anyone doesn’t oblige by the “no” from one of these two, someone’s gonna get beat up.

Samantha: (She literally just my personality shhhhh don’t tell anyone it’s a secret) Bubbly, energetic, a little shy by extroverted, bombshell blonde or something? It took me way too much time and effort to design her but I’m really happy with how I finally designed her, I love her outfit. She could kick me in the face and I’d say thank you. Girly drinks at the bar. Got that trauma and anxiety™️ secretly though. Skips and jumps a lot. As I’m typing this I keep looking up at the drawing of her and more and more I would want her to also step on me.

(Space Story I don’t have a nice title for):

Unnamed/Undesigned 1: So... Funny story this story originally was with me and uh... My ex I guess... So I gotta replace the MC’s... Whoops ahaha... Awkward. But anyways the MC is a robot and a girl and is a slight tsundere or smthn.

Unamed/Undesigned 2: Has a space ship, works for this organization in space that protects the galaxy. Is cocky, lazy, sly, oblivious, and an idiot. The love interest- obviously. Probably accidentally committing space crimes. (Like space pirating hAHAHA-) Kind of cool when he wants to be.

Dandelion/Dandy: CAT. WITH A JET PACK. Kind of an asshole. Fun fact used to be Polli’s cat but then when the Second MC crash landed on earth she was like “fuck this noise I’m going with space boy laterz” (okay she can’t talk but she thought it).

Zizii: Lesbian alien? Yeah???? Okay but I mean her main character trait is being a dorky back alley doctor and engineer obsessed with the MC because they’re a sentient robot with emotions and a lazer arm and rocket boots WOW!!!!!!!!

Story I want to revive:

So I had a story I started writing a long time ago about this tech theatre kid that had a crush on this other theatre kid character, but in a play that other character has to kiss another person for the show, and as the story progresses the MC convinces themselves that it isn’t just a play and that their crush actually loves and is kissing that other kid. And in the play, that other character is supposed to die. Show night comes along and they die, but like actually, and by the hands of the MC (Idk maybe like a light falls on em or smthn). So it’s a grotesque scene the audience sees as just an act. (Mutters I dunno I think my idea’s cool...) So I’ve been wanting to design these characters and work more on the story but I’m busy being obsessed with Rodriquez and Samantha so. (And the Horror Host Club too I love them too still).

Other Characters that either don’t have a specific story or are kind of like background characters:

Jacqueiliquinne Merril: Sara Berry vibes from 35mm (go look up The Ballad of Sara Berry, maybe like an animatic idk the first one that comes up is nice) But otherwise rich, pretty, popular, bitch. Tries to like, steal Louise from his squad and it’s like bro that’s unnecessary who hurt you that’s so rude. She gives Nui from Kill La Kill Vibes too. Oh she knows her name is long and annoying but you have to say the whole thing.

Brianna: Jaqueiliquinne’s sister. Big titty goth gf??? She’s pretty popular too and kind of a bitch too but to a much lesser degree. Her and he sister throw hands a lot when no one is around, you know, “THEY GIRLS ARE FIGHTINNGGGG”.

The Louise Fan Club: 4 characters I haven’t named yet. One writes fanfiction of Louise and shares it with the others and with him sometimes and although he thinks it’s a bit weird he also finds it a tad endearing and supports her. One is an aspiring photographer and is constantly asking Louise to model for him. One is an artist and draws Louise all the time. And one is an aspiring musician who writes songs based of Louise’s relationships which again he finds a little weird but endearing and supports her.

The Jacquiliquinne Merril Fan Club: Genderbent-ish (I say ish because one of the characters is a little bit less defined gender wise) versions of the Louise Fan Club. Yes I’m lazy, and no they don’t get along with them, infact they hate each others club with a passion. 

Unnamed/Undesigned: I wanna make some hacker kid just because I wanna have one.

Unnamed/Undesigned: I also really wanna have a super cutesy magical girl and then a really super duper generic boring character probably like star vs the forces of evil idk I never watched that show but it looks cute.

Me: I exist in the universe fukc you I can do what I want it’s my story and I get to chose the who also if you wanna be in the mess of a universe go ahead draw yourself with my OC’s I allow and encourage and appreciate it. I literally made the Horror Host Club as a sort of Harem story and you are absolutely allowed to make out with them if you’re a monster fucker DO it GO ahead it’s canon.

and that is ALL I have FOR now Knowing me I’ll make like 12 more characters by July, and I mean I need more characters for the high school anyways so...

[som3thingcr3ative]

By Her Blood 3

SURPRISE! I said this would be out later this week but all of the comments have made my fingers lighting fast on my keyboard. I’m pretty sure my thighs have permanent laptop impressions on them haha

I love this chapter. It’s crazy and foreboding and it’s a good indication of what’s to come... plus you get to meet the parents!!

Warnings: semi-nakedness, awkwardness, parents, cursing. fluff and angst.

LAST TIME: You are fueled by fear for your friends, by fear of what they could summon left unchecked in a crypt, by fear of what could make Ivar himself afraid. So as your feet pound into the smooth stone floor of the crypt, as you turn the corner into the main room, you expect the worst. 

But you do not expect that.

Three of the fifteen teens are banging a large drum in rhythm with two singers. The two singers are reading off a sheet of Old Norse, while everyone else stands in a connected circle around a dead raccoon. 

“STOP!” You scream, your voice echoing in the cavernous room, the very earth beneath you trembling as it reflects your panic. 

And they stop. 

Fifteen wide sets of eyes land on you. Even the raccoon, with the haze of death over its pupil, seems to stare at you. 

Your breath is a seething hiss as you curse in Old Norse, scaring your friends with just how intense your anger is. 

“None of you have any idea what you are doing! I warned you! This is no joke! You are pissing off some really ancient spirits- enough that I knew! From a mile away! In my fucking sleep!”

For a moment everything is silent save for your heaving breath. You count to ten in your mind, and then backward, trying to pace each breath. It doesn’t work. Your knees threaten to buckle, and then Ivar stands behind you, holding you upright with an arm around your waist. 

When you finally speak, it is barely above a whisper. 

“All of you need to leave. Now.”

And when fifteen teenagers give you a deer-in-the-headlights stare, you lose your last bit of patience. “NOW!”

As soon as they are out of hearing, you take a careful step toward the raccoon, and then another, and another until you stand in front of it. 

You crouch, willing your eyes away from its death-stare, scanning its body. 

There. The creatures’ abdomen and part of the ribcage have been flattened by a tire. A rather large tire, with tonnes of force behind it. A truck. Eighteen-wheeler perhaps. Nothing to suggest that one of your friends had found, trapped, and killed it. 

They simply moved it. 

Still, your stomach twists in revulsion at the thought. How could they be so oblivious to the danger of blood magic? Especially after seeing Ivar?

“What do I do?” You ask Ivar as he inspects the drum. 

“Calm the spirits, reverse what damage they have done.” He glances sidelong at you. “And put that animal to rest.”

So you settle onto the stone floor and close your eyes, reaching out to the restless spirits around you. 

Several dozen Frankish nobles. Three Frankish Kings. Hundreds of soldiers. Queens, princes, princesses. 

You seek the calm place in yourself, only mildly surprised that thinking of Ivar has the best effect, and you spread that calm over the spirits like a fine mist. They settle, slowly at first, finally calming enough to return to rest. Your eyes open and you reach out to close the unseeing gaze of the raccoon. 

Peace and quiet reigns once more in the chamber. 

“Ivar?” You ask, glancing around. He is gone. “Ivar!” Your voice becomes tinged with panic. Still, no answer. 

And then, you hear it. 

Someone is standing around the corner. 

You heave a sigh and push yourself up, making a show of stretching. Finally you turn, not even blinking at the teens gathered in the cave mouth with their cameras directed at you. 

“What?” You growl, glaring at them. The whole reason you are even in this mess is because of them. Because they tried to summon a spirit in a crypt full to bursting with them. And of course, they are videoing the whole thing. “Do you really think this is a joke?” You demand, spreading your arms. “None of this is for your entertainment. None of it.” 

You glance at the raccoon, at the cameras, and then back. With a sigh, you pick up the still-warm creature and place it in an alcove as a final resting place. When you draw back your hand, you sigh in resignation. 

If your Viking family has taught you anything, it is that your blood is powerful. 

And you are bleeding. 

A jagged piece of rock was all it took to slice your hand. Your blood wells up in the cut, weeping out of the edges, dripping onto the floor. 

Your friends scream. Tilting your head back and closing your eyes, you sigh again. “Do I even wanna know?” You mutter. 

And then you turn around. 

The shadows in the corners of the cave are spiraling into the center, where they coalesce into a man-like shape, writhing and whirling in a dark mass. The shape solidifies and you can see dark pieces of armor, axes and knives, blood. 

The shadows recede, leaving a tall form in their wake. Black hair tied in intricate braids. Stunning blue eyes. Full lips, a cocky grin. 

“Ivar,” you gasp, facing the Viking. One of your friends faints, collapsing to the floor with a thud. 

“Little dove,” he murmurs, reaching out a gloved hand to you. His fingers, calloused from a lifetime of work, gently brush your hair back. 

Just like that, your heart melts. 

You rush forward, embracing him. Nothing else exists for a moment. Just you and Ivar at last. 

~

An hour later, you’ve successfully snuck a viking into your hotel room. You can’t be bothered with the videos your friends took, or the possibility of the hotel cameras catching your mad dash in the middle of the night. Not when Ivar is there, not when you have too many other things on your mind.

“I’ve seen people do this so many times,” He complains, “it should be easy. Why isn’t it easy?” You lean across him, trying your hardest to ignore his bare chest or the towel slung low around his hips. The knob in the bathtub turns under your touch and water spills from the faucet. Ivar curses. “How did you do that?”

“You have to pull it out and turn it at the same time.” Biting your lip, you try not to laugh at his expense. Although he lived so long ago, he’d been able to watch society advancing through time. He’d seen all of the changes in technology, had borne witness to things beyond his wildest imagination. He’d also seen things he would much rather forget; sometimes he’d get stuck in certain locations, like the bedroom of a grown man who enjoyed anime a little too much. (Ivar could never look at Waluigi or the word ‘hentai’ the same way again.) But being unable to interact was a challenge. He’d never had the hands-on experience you had. Suffice to say there would be a learning curve.

“I’m going to get you some normal clothes.” You say, leaving him to the bath. “When the tub’s full, just push the knob in. I’ll be back soon.” Halfway out of the door, you turn suddenly. He looks up, a hand already on the towel around his waist. “And for fuck’s sake, please don’t leave the room!”

He nods. Trying not to blush at his near-nakedness, you snatch your bag off of the bed and head out, googling the nearest walmart.

~

What feels like a short time later, the morning sun peeks through the hotel’s beige curtains and lands obnoxiously on your face. Everything is warm except for your hand draped over the side of the bed; there’s an arm slung around your waist, warm breath fanning over the crook of your shoulder. 

Just as you turn to Ivar, ready to wake him up, there’s a pounding on your door. 

“Y/N!” Your mother’s voice calls. “Y/N open this door now!”

Ivar startles awake, his bright eyes clouded with sleep. He looks at you first, confused but ready to fight. His arm tightens around your waist, drawing you into the protection of his body. “It’s alright,” You say, resting a hand on his bicep. “It’s just my mom.” 

“She sounds angry.” he growls, glaring at the door. 

“She won’t hurt me.” It’s the truth. Your mother had always been good to you, if a little too smothering. He releases you grudgingly, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I’m coming!” You shout to the door, gesturing for Ivar to get a shirt on. 

“Hi, mom.” Her face is bright red, your father standing with his arms crossed right behind her when you open the door. “Hi, dad. What’s wrong?”

  “Maybe you can explain this?” She says, thrusting a phone at your face. Her text messages are displayed on the screen, the most recent from Laney’s father. You tap on the image and it brings up a video.

It’s grainy, but you can clearly see the whirling shadows of the crypt, your palm dripping blood. Your fathers’ eyes lock on your hand, on the white bandage Ivar had so carefully wrapped last night. His face goes pale. 

“They were trying to summon a spirit.” You say, pausing the video. There’s no point watching- you know what happens. “I got there just in time, but they’d angered the spirits in the crypt and they’d found a dead racoon on the road; I laid it to rest in an alcove and cut my hand when I tried to pull back. You know the whole ‘gods-blessed blood’ spiel, well there was a lot of blood, and, well, I’d like you to meet Ivar.”

You gesture into your hotel room. They both give you odd looks, but they walk in anyway. “Fucking hell!” Your father curses. For a second you expect to hear your mother’s scathing ‘Language, Y/D/N,’ but it never comes. 

Ivar is perched calmly on the edge of the bed, his crutches leaning on the bedside table, the armor he’d been wearing when he’d recorporated on the chair in the corner of the room. He hadn’t had time to put on his braces, but his arms are tensed like he’s ready to jump to your aid at the slightest provocation. 

“Ivar, these are my parents, Mom, Dad, this is Ivar ven bonelesse, former King of the Vikings.”

“Nope.” Your mom says, shaking her head. “No, this is not happening. Young lady, you are so grounded!”

Ivar’s eyes dart to you. “Grounded?” He asks, his tone insinuating it meant something totally different in his time. 

“It’s fine,” You say to him, tongue tripping just before you let a word slip that would really make the situation awkward. This is not how you wanted your parents to meet your boyfriend. “Mom, I swear it wasn’t my fault. I tried to stop them. Dad? You’re really quiet.”

“Is that your armor?” Your dad asks, his eyes wide as saucers as he runs to the chair, dropping to his knees in front of it. He holds it reverently, the same way you’d seen him hold priceless artifacts. Ivar tilts his head, looking to you for clarification. 

“Dad?” 

“This is amazing!” He says, running his fingers over the patterning. “It’s the most intact piece I’ve ever seen! It’s like it was just made!”

“Honey, that’s not the issue here.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Look at the detail!”

“What are we supposed to do now that someone who has been dead for thousands of years is now sitting on our daughters bed?” Your mom asks, gesturing to Ivar like he’s not even there. “They didn’t go over this in archaeology classes!”

“I think we could start with treating him like an actual human being.” Rolling your eyes, you sit down next to Ivar. He casually slips his arm behind you, rubbing his thumb in circles on your back. You lean into the touch. “I told you I’ve been seeing him since the party.”

“That doesn’t-” She starts, shaking her head. “This shouldn’t be possible.”

“Y/N is special.” Ivar says. “She is the fulfillment of a prophecy from long before my time. She can do so much more than she has already done.” He looks down at you can’t can’t help but to add, “A child like her would be a blessing to any Viking.”

Your blush doesn’t help matters. Ivar’s answering grin and the easy manner the two of you have don’t help either. Your mother’s eyes narrow, darting between you two. 

“You’re dating him.” It’s not a question. Ivar can feel you tense. 

“So what if I am?” you dare to ask, leaning against his side. “I told you I’ve been seeing him since the party. He saved my life with that robber. He’s saved my life many times, actually. At least he treats me like I’m a person. You’ve never been willing to accept that I’m different. You’ve always made me hide it!” Suddenly you’re shaking with rage, finding yourself on your feet before your brain catches up with your body. “With you it’s ‘don’t speak Old Norse, Y/N,’ or ‘stop talking about the Viking spirits, Y/N.’. But guess what! I’m not crazy! I was never wrong about what happened! And now you can’t deny that!”

Ivar grips your wrist in warning: your fists are clenched, your nails nearly to the point of breaking skin. Even your father has turned to watch the fight. “Liten en,” He murmurs, tugging you back against him. Little one. “It’s okay. She couldn’t possibly understand before this.”

You fall onto the bed, your rage dropping away as Ivar wraps an arm around your shoulders, tucking you against his chest. Your mother looks unbearably sad when you finally look up at her.

“I was trying to protect you.” She murmurs, “I was worried someone would take you away if they found out I let you be in danger at that site when you fell. I didn’t want them to diagnose you with schizophrenia and lock you away. Y/N, I was trying to do what was best for you. I didn’t know it was hurting you. I’m sorry.”

It’s hard to see her like this, her eyes shining with tears as she looks at you like you’re her whole world, but you know that years of denial wouldn’t go away with an apology, so you set your jaw and harden your heart, at least for now. The anger you’d held in your chest only a minute before has calmed, leaving only a sense of emptiness behind. Ivar’s touch soothes you so you lean against him, seeking his comfort. 

“I get that.” You say eventually. “But it doesn’t change what happened. I can’t forget so easily.” Her face falls, a tear slipping down her cheek. Your father moves to comfort her, the armor forgotten. “We can start with you accepting that Ivar is part of my life now. We can move on, make things better from here on out.”

Your mom nods. She looks at Ivar, at the defined muscles of his chest and arms, the intimidating span of his shoulders. “You’ll protect my little girl?” She asks. Before you can protest that you’re not her little anything any more, Ivar nods. 

“With my life.” He vows. 

You’ll come to wish he’d never said that.

(That bit about Ivar being stuck certain places was partly inspired by the post about Jesus still saving everyone even after seeing some guy ‘busting rope to Waluigi hentai... if you haven’t seen that one, it’s gold.)

Tagging (open): @tis-itheapplepie @pixievampira @demonhunter1616 @hexqueensupreme @thorins-queen-of-erebor @grippleback-galaxy​ @readsalot73​ @glassythoughts @youbloodymadgenius

[yoshimickster]

RWBY Volume 5 Ep 1 Recap(plus shorts)-HERE WE GO(spoilers)!

Shorts will be recapped in a few sentences cos...well they short.

Weiss flashes back to her sister Winter foreshadowing that the’s next to die while sitting on a train. SORRY WINTER QROW SHIPPERS-her time is nigh.

Blake flashes back to her friend explaining why she fights for civil rights when she passes for whit-I MEAN-human! Yup, human, ALL while failing at an attempt to stop Adam “I love teenagers” Taurus’ plans.

And Yang flashes back to the time her and her sister were almost killed by a bear because Ruby couldn’t do dick without a weapon at the time-RIGHT BEFORE-ironically saying she’ll always be by her side...ALL while riding a motorcycle aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelf!

Basically three sad flashbacks-THERE YA GO!

The episode starts out SWINGING with team RNJR criticizing the show’s logic of having them walk all the way to Mistral, and joking about how Qrow almost died. HAHA death.

1:04 We are then treated to what only looks like rejected character and background designs to Legend of Korra and/or Avatar the last Airbender! Don’t get me wrong, nice drawings, but don’t they have the budget to freaking animate crowds anymore?

1:33 Qrow gives brief Mistral backstory right before-SURPRISE AIRPLANE MOTHER FUCKERS! You are shocked, do not lie.

1:44 Weiss has WITTY banter with the airship pilot of cargo ship three-THE FIGHTIN’ TRES-where Weiss hears a cry for peril which the pilot ignores...kinda...kinda dark.

3:07 We are then treated to the city, where...no-one is anywhere...throughout the whole town...you know you can only use Grimm attacks to not animate crowds in large spaces for SO long Rooster Teeth.

3:56

Nora: Maybe try...LOUDER?!

Damn Nora, when you get sassy?

Thankfully Qrow points out how it makes no sense that there are no CGI models running around-AND SPRING INTO ACTION!  

4:31 They close in on a door and find-SOME OLD MAN THEY MAKE FAINT...FAKE OUT! Next thing you’ll tell me is that his name is Spencer Pokensensen and that he’s a servant of the courts.

4:50 As for what HORRIFYING event caused him to not greet them at the gate it turns out...HE FORGOT...are all headmasters incompetent? Ozpin didn’t see team MEAN until they struck, and this guy is forgetting meetings, what the hell?

5:05 Team RNJR introduces themselves all saying there names as if fans forgot-OR-for those weirdos who start a show in its fifth season. Yeah I know you exist-AND YOU’RE SCUM!

5:12 The new Headmaster’s name is....Leonardo Lionheart...I don’t have a joke for that, that just sounds AWESOME!

5:36 Qrow reveals he told the team about the ancient mystical glow orbs of destiny, and Nora does her perfect impression of every fandom ever:

“...SO-is this not going how anyone thought it would?”

But enough about that-

5:53

Ghira: UNBELIEVABLE!

Sun: TOTAL GARBAGE!

...my god...THEY AGREE ON SOMETHING! FUTURE FATHER-IN LAW AND SON IN LAW BONDING! Er...POTENTIAL future father in law, heh heh(Bumblebee fans don’t hate me please).

5:59

Kali: Well at least you two can finally agree on something.

This is why I love you Kali, you are absolute purity in this magical Harry Potter meets X-men meets M.A.S.K. world.

6:10

Blake: Guys, everything’s gonna be okay.

...Blake...being positive...I am scared.

6:20 Blake is revealed to have an unnamed body-gaurd whom the fandom will attach a personality to WHILE ILIA DROPS IN...okay they HAVE technology in this world, she should’ve tripped off some damn motion sensors-SPEND SOME MONEY GHIRA!

Ilia then reveals that she took the fall for those creepy fox...brothers? Or are they married? I’m cool with either, I just want some background on who were originally supposed to be the main villains of volume 1(seriously, look it up).

8:00 SILENT PRINCIPAL’S ROOM-get ready for dramatic exposition babies!

Leo reveals the reason for a lack of teachers and students is OF COURSE-because of the Grimm...ironically from the Vale attack, DAMN this show is good at long lasting consequences.

9:13 OH WOW-Atlas is being a problem? Know what else, WATER IS WET!

9:42 OBLIGATORY RENORA SITTING TOGETHER MOMENT-there ya go you ship-hounds!

We are THEN told that each Maiden can open a specific door with their own abilities...I keep making Avatar parables, but that sounds RATHER Avatar, you know like in Volume 1 with the fire temple?

“She was determined at first, but the weight of responsibility proved too much for the child”.

AND THEN THERE’S THAT-that is AANG mother fucker!

11:30 Typical Avatar, runs away from home, gets picked up by bird bandits-WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!

12:17

Qrow: WE NEED TO GET THE SPRING MAIDEN NOW!

Leo: DAMMIT QROW, you don’t have a search warrant!

Qrow: SCREW YOUR WARRANT-lives are at stake!

Leo: YOU’RE A LOOSE CANNON BRANWEN! YOU’RE OFF THE CASE!

14:06 OOOH-poor Johnny boy, he REALLY wants him some revenge on Cinder.

15:06 But thankfully they make a logical compromise and-HOLY SHIT-he was lying because of Watts! I thought he was tricking him or some shit, this is WAY more interesting!

15:30 HEY-its that end scene from volume four! HOORAY FOR CYCLICITY! 

16:31 WELCOME TO JUST RITE-for all your Seven Elleven gas station allegorical needs!

...wait that place has a BAR?! Its a gas station...where people go to feul their vehicles...and serves alcohol...thaaaaaaaaaaaaaat is a messy combination.

17:30 Yang gets hit on by a drunk guy, then hits him SO HARD he bounces like four time! What is his semblance having a body made of rubber?

18:01 AH-Yang does the Archer drink finger-AWESOME!

18:18 WELP-we got our answer, she went after Raven-COMMENCE ALT-U FAN STORIES NOW!

18:56 Hey girly, I heard your looking for someone!

Damn, literally the ONLY TIME in history when getting hit on by a drunk creepy guy pays off!

19:00 OH DAMN-spooky music, WHO COULD IT B-oh its just Oz...didn’t we know that all ready in the trailer? And did we need a second pointless fake-out? A TAD superfluous.

I would also like to point out this is the ONLY time a man getting drunk and taking an underage boy home with him is okay, the ONLY time!

We then close out the ep with Oscar introducing his Bishie ass to the group as Oscar Pine(mother-fucker’s name was a play on the Prof’s name, twas DESTINY), reveals he’s mother-fucking OZPIN, all while the drunken old man on the couch REJOICES! HOORAY FOR ACCIDENTAL SUCCESS!

We’re also treated to the NEW theme song, lots of action, lots of fighgint, bitter sweet messages yadda yadda, you know how it goes. 

WELCOME TO VOLUME FIVE BABIES-this has been MicksteRecap with Yoshimickster, hope we can be pals this season!

[evenstevensranked]

#17: Season 3, Episode 18 - “Stevens’ Manor”

With the house to himself for the weekend, Louis decides to open up a bed and breakfast to afford a snowboarding trip for the gang! What could possibly go wrong?!

I’ve been meaning to tell you guys to ignore any typos in my reviews within the first day or so of them being posted. It takes a few read-throughs for me to catch any/all errors. 

That being said...

This episode opens with the subplot. Although, this is yet another one where the subplot and main plot work together super well. I’ve noticed that this is becoming a theme with these higher-ranked episodes. Huummm. 

It starts off with Ren spying on Ruby breaking up with some random guy Dexter. Her oh so serious, love of her life boyfriend of 4 days. Sounds about right. This show seriously nails how ridiculous middle school ~relationships~ truly are. Ruby is devastated, so Ren presents the idea of turning their upcoming weekend sleepover into girls night complete with nail polish, magazines and ice cream! Yeeee!

Ruby clearly shocked and offended by Dexter’s decision to end it. We don’t actually hear the conversation, so this exaggerated expression really gets the point across.

It cuts to Louis, Twitty, Tawny, and Tom (who I will refer to as “the gang” from this moment forward) discussing how badly they want to go snowboarding at some lodge. Tawny estimates that it’d cost around $200 per-person, and I mean, what 13-year-olds have that sort of money laying around? I’m a grown adult and I can’t even afford Starbucks on some days. So, yeah. To any sane person, the idea would be totally off the table and seem completely farfetched... But not to Louis Stevens!! He’s all “Oh, it’s no problem” as he runs to answer a call on the school’s payphone, which is the millionth thing that closet space next to the stairs has been used for. The call is from someone looking to book a reservation at Stevens’ Manor. I really hope that payphone has a different number than the school and that Louis didn’t give out Lawrence Jr. High’s number as the contact info for “Stevens’ Manor.” I can’t. 

He explains to the gang that Steve and Eileen are going away for their anniversary, Donnie has an away game, and Ren is sleeping at Ruby’s... which means he’s got la casa all to himself. Twitty asks how he’s gonna get his parents to actually let him stay home alone though... and like??? I know that Louis can get a little crazy, but does he really need a freaking babysitter or something? Actually, wait. What am I talking about?! He immediately seized the “home alone” opportunity to turn the house into a bed and breakfast. Here we go again with the give Louis Stevens an inch and he will take 100,000 miles trope, lol. His plan is to fake cry to Eileen about wanting to come with her and Steve and not wanting to stay alone, before deciding to be ~strong~ and stick it out. Steve even calls Louis a “soldier” for it, haha. Okay. Whatever works I guess! I’d like to point out this kinda ugly transition they do of Louis smirking about his plan, to the moment where he’s actually executing it. It’s so weird looking omg. 

That morph tho. I guess the editing job isn’t too bad for 2002... but dang, it’s just slightly unsettling to me lol. 

I like how this episode basically jumps right into the plot asap! We’re only two minutes in at this point and the BnB transformation is already underway! Eileen and Steve ultimately leave and trust Louis to man the fort of course, and the birth of Stevens’ Manor happens the second they’re out the door -- courtesy of a short montage. Louis must’ve been preparing for this bed and breakfast idea for a long while, just waiting around for the opportunity -- because he has shirts embroidered with a fancy “SM” ready to go for him and his friends to wear! He’s even set up the technology to accept credit cards. Louis Stevens does not play! 

The first guests arrive and I’m assuming it’s supposed to be a joke when Louis greets them “Welcome to Stevens’ Manor! You must be the Mannings!” lol. The Mannings are an older couple made up of a “fellow Lou” Louis and his wife Edna. This information is vital for later on. When they’re shown to their room, (which is Louis’ bedroom transformed into the “Lincoln Bedroom” lol) Edna says “This is even cozier than the pictures we saw on the internet!” WOW!!! Louis really did have this planned! He probably whipped out a www.stevensmanor.com domain for this. How did he rearrange and clean his room with enough time to take the photos, post them, and get hits on the website (in 2002, mind you) without his parents noticing though? That stuff took tiiiime back then. Not to mention cleaning that filthy room of his would require the help of a garbage company! Oh, well. That’s an irrelevant detail. I told you he’d been preparing for this moment! 

Where did he get that bust of Lincoln (see 2 photos up) and that painting too? I searched out of curiosity and found this near-exact bust which costs $850!!!!! That thing better be some cheap plastic knock off because something tells me Louis somehow spent more money on making the place look legit than he’ll ever make back from it lol. 

The next guest is a woman named Mrs. Colepepper. What is up with these writers and throwing the word “pepper” into last names? We already have Ryan Zellpepper and now we’ve got this lady lol. I also just realized that both of these characters are black... not that that means anything at all. It’s just randomly sort of interesting imo. 

The last main guests are a pair of twin teenage boys and their parents. Now, Even Stevens is good at not double casting people (a.k.a being weird and having the same actors play two or more different characters throughout the series and hope the audience doesn’t notice) -- But they messed up here and I gotta call it out!! They’re acting like this is the first time we’ve seen these twins, but they actually already made an appearance as LJH students back in Season 2! Their first appearance is literally sooo brief that only a weird superfan like me would notice, but yeah. 

The twins in this episode.

The twins in Season 2! We haven’t covered this episode yet so I feel really weird including a screenshot but.. lol. 

There’s this short scene where Louis introduces Tawny as the Manor’s “human jukebox” because apparently she’s a piano wiz and knows “all kinds of songs” (Also, where’d Louis get the grand piano?! haha) One of the twins sarcastically asks “Does she know ‘I hate it here, we should’ve gone to Hawaii’?” And Tawny adlibs a song “I hate it here, we should’ve gone to Hawaii, where they say Aloha and roast little piggies!” This one line always gets stuck in my head. Always. I’m tempted to continue writing additional lyrics just to give myself more to sing.

There’s also a fantastic bit here of Tom arguing with Mrs. Colepepper about the pulp in her orange juice. I can’t even explain it, all you have to know is that it’s amazing. Also, Louis tells the twins to check out the “Rec Room” and hands them two ping-pong paddles. They’re like “All you have is a ping-pong table?” and Louis says “Yeah... Well... I never said anything about a table. So.” IT ALWAYS GETS ME! It’s such a small line, but I love it. ALSO Beans is the BnB’s “licensed masseuse.” Right.  

At Ren and Ruby’s sleepover, Ruby gets a make up call from Dex and they talk on the phone all giggly for an hour and a half. Ren is fed up and decides to head home. Safe to say Ren was in for a surprise when Mrs. Colepepper was asleep in her bed... 

Louis tries to explain the situation to her and of course, Ren is vehemently against it until she sets her eyes on the ~gorgeous~ twins. As they’ve already stated -- The twins hate it there, so she catches them juuust as they’re about to check out. Ren literally referred to these guys by name in S2. They were some weird names like “Mosh and Stosh”?! lol, Smosh. But now she’s acting like it’s the first time she’s ever seen them in her life and it always bothered meeeeee. 

Something that kills me about this bit is when their father says “The boys just aren’t happy here. I kinda have to agree with them. Your kiddie pool hardly qualifies as an ‘aquatic center’ so...” -- LOUIS REALLY PUT “AQUATIC CENTER” as a selling point knowing that all he had was a kiddie pool.

Imagine showing up to a BnB where this is the advertised “aquatic center.” I am dying of laughter. First the nonexistent Rec Room, now this. I can just hear Gordon Ramsay ripping this place apart on an episode of Hotel Hell.

Ren immediately tries to persuade the twins to stay for obvious reasons by bribing them with lame board games, but they apparently reciprocate her attraction and decide to stay. The fictional board game they pick to play is The Organ Donor Game (sounds like a fun time???) and it’s so suggestive. Ren says “Ooo! You landed on my kidney. That’s gonna cost ya! No cheating and... Hands off my pancreas” in the most sultry voice ever. Like... WHAT?! The doorbell rings while they’re playing and it’s Ruby coming over to apologize, but she too decides to stay at the Stevens’ once she sees the twins. Wow. I love how a fan is always conveniently there to blow Ruby’s hair dramatically whenever she sees a guy she likes.  

It happened the moment she developed a crush on Louis, too. And, uh... Didn’t Ruby JUST GET BACK TOGETHER with Dexter like, an hour ago?  

Meanwhile, Beans is giving Louis Manning a massage by walking on his back in hiking boots??? Beans just further solidifying his place as “The Worst” in my heart. Old Louis (which is what I’ll call him now I guess) gets his back thrown out thanks to their wonderful, 8-year-old, obviously not licensed masseuse. This place is a lawsuit waiting to happen. 

Eileen decides to call home and check in with Louis, which creates one of my favorite situations everrrrrrr in the series. Y’all know I love when shows highlight the comedic side of miscommunication, and this is probably Even Stevens’ best stab at it. Edna is the one who answers Eileen’s call and all hell breaks loose when Eileen asks for Louis. “Louis hurt his back, he’s in a great deal of pain right now.” Edna explains. And Eileen says “You tell him I’ll be there in two hours and that I love him very much!!” Of course, Edna thinks Old Louis is cheating on her with some woman named Eileen and it’s great. 

Louis (Stevens lol) overhears the conversation and starts freaking out because how the hell are they gonna get all of the guests out of the house and revert it back to the way it was when it’s only midnight? That’s when Ren gets the brilliant idea (no seriously, it’s brilliant) to set all of the clocks forward to 7am checkout time! Oh my freaking god. Most of the guests have only been asleep for an hour or so, and suddenly they’re being told breakfast is ready. It’s absolutely hilarious! “Skies will be mostly... dark” Ren informs them of the days’ weather, omg. 

There’s no way they have enough time to serve everyone a full breakfast, so they shove all the food into a blender and give it to the guests as the “Deluxe Breakfast Combo To-Go!” Seriously, Gordon Ramsay would have a field day with this.

They pretty much scream at the guests to “move it!” and get outta the house at midnight while they’re all still in their pajama’s and disoriented. Even if it was 7am, this is some terrible service. At this point, I’d give Stevens’ Manor a generous zero stars on Yelp.  

Amazingly, they get everyone out with enough time to hustle and clean up the house before Steve and Eileen get back! *Whew!* Louis and Ren scramble to explain the whole Enda lady who answered the phone situation and claim that she’s the school nurse. Steve is so confused, “The school nurse made a house call in the middle of the night?!” Honestly, though. Suddenly Edna walks back in the front door “Excuse me, I forgot my umbrella.” Haha. That’s when she and Eileen have their final brush with miscommunication. Eileen is all “Thank you for taking care of Louis!” and Edna says “Well, let me tell you something, Eileen. I have dedicated my entire life to taking care of Louis, so let me give you a little warning... STAY AWAY FROM HIM!” 

Steve: “These school nurses are so protective...” 

Steve and Eileen decide to head upstairs and go to bed immediately, to Louis and Ren’s relief -- which actually made me realize something... Where do Steve and Eileen sleep?! From what we’ve seen of the upstairs it seems to only have a bathroom and Louis, Ren, and Donnie’s rooms! I’ve never seen space or a door for a third bedroom up there! Omg. Maybe they have a secret bedroom in a hidden attic or something? Hey! They had a giant secret cave underneath their house. It’s possible. 

The final minute bit of this episode is great. Steve and Eileen are watching some local news program and Mrs. Colepepper happens to be the host. She shares her experience at Stevens’ Manor and how she’ll never forget it in a strangely positive review segment. The best line is when she says “I don’t normally sleep through the night, but when my head hit the pillow -- the next thing I knew, it was morning!” HAHAHAHA. She makes a point to mention the “hip, young staff” and shows a picture of the gang (see cover photo.) And yeah. Steve blows a gasket. 

THE END!

This is a great episode. I mean, really. It’s super memorable, funny, and it’s an awesome episode for the cast as an ensemble. I cracked up countless times writing this review! It definitely gets a lot of “iconic” points for sure. I just personally prefer episodes that have more of a story to them and focus on the characters. As great as this episode is, it’s definitely one of those wacky plots that could only make sense in crazy Season 3. But I gotta give it to them... This is such a wild and elaborate plot, but they somehow make you believe that Louis could’ve actually pulled this off irl. I’m sure there were some impressionable kids out there who entertained the idea of doing something similar themselves, lol. I want y’all to know that #17 isn’t a “bad” spot by any means. I feel like I say this a lot, but at this point in the countdown, everything seriously is pretty much top notch. I’m simply arranging the best of the best in an order I hope is both personal and objective. It’s a difficult line to straddle, believe me.

To top off the review, I’ve added not one -- but two Stevens’ Manor designs to the Redbubble shop!! AYYYYYYYYY! I got carried away. I’m actually really excited about these, haha! Ya can now get the main “Stevens’ Manor” design and the employee logo design printed on whatevaaa you want. Doing these reproductions of things that exist within the shows’ universe is so fun. I’m really trying my best to get as close to the way they appear on screen as I possibly can (with my limited photoshop skillz)

They’re available in the shop now! Yay!

Thanks for reading!!

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[media-valtimes]

ROUND II OF THE MINI REFUSE (HAHA THIS JOKE STILL ISN’T FUNNY)

PART I: BLACK MIRROR//SAN JUNIPERO

While I was a fan of all of the Black Mirror episodes that we covered in class, this one really stood out to me. Not because it was scary, or sad, but because it was shockingly happy and sweet. The first episode of Black Mirror that I ever saw was Shut Up and Dance, and if I’m being honest it was scary. I watched it late at night at a sleepover, and it was essentially the equivalent of watching a horror or thriller movie for me. That’s the atmosphere of most of Black Mirror’s episodes. But San Junipero has an overwhelmingly positive energy, especially compared to the others. I’m sure most of us have thought about what life would be like if we grew up in a different decade, and the technology in this reality makes that possible- sort of. I really loved this take on immortality, because it really does seem like something that could be possible in the future. I also think that this episode posed an interesting question to its audience: if you had the opportunity to live forever, would you take it? They make it look so appealing! You can live in whatever decade you want, potentially with your loved ones, in a place where you don’t have to worry about anything. When I was younger, and this is gonna get morbid for a second, I always thought that I wanted to die young. But life is unpredictable! I might meet a person that I want to be with forever tomorrow. Or maybe I already know that person. Or maybe we won’t even have a choice of whether or not we want to live forever in the future! The point is, nobody knows what tomorrow holds and that’s part of what makes this episode so cool. 

Another thing that I wanted to talk about is the 80s aesthetic throughout the episode. Throwing it back to the 80s has become increasingly popular in modern media, with Stranger Things, The Goldbergs, Freaks and Geeks, The Americans, the list goes on, and I love it. I’m one of those annoying teenagers who constantly says “man, I just belong in a different generation”, and the 80s, while not my top pick, have always been very attractive to me. Performing in The Wedding Singer  this year also opened up my eyes to how fun 80s style really is. It was really refreshing to have a Black Mirror episode take place primarily in the 80s, especially when they are usually set in the not-so-distant future. Additionally, I loved the LGBTQ representation in this episode. I also thought that Yorkie’s story was one that a lot of people would be able to relate to, especially in older generations. Many don’t act on their sexuality for their whole lives out of fear of being publicly shamed, and Yorkie’s story is a perfect example that it’s never too late to pursue what you love. Good job Black Mirror, you made me cry instead of jump, at least for one episode.

(get ready for lots of gifs, after that gif comment in class)

PART II: THE KILLING JOKE 

It’s no secret that I am not Batman’s biggest fan, but I really did enjoy this comic. Prior to this unit I was 100% team John Green on this debate. Batman doesn’t even have any powers what’s so great about him anyway?!?!

I still keep some of my opinions from BB (before Batman), for example, I still think that Batman would be nothing without his villains, especially the Joker, but I now think that I understand why people love him so much. No one person is purely good or purely evil, and that’s what Batman is all about, in my eyes anyway. I also like the way that Batman is depicted in this comic, especially compared to The Dark Knight Returns. Batman in this version is much more focused on actually helping people as opposed to “fighting his inner darkness”. The Killing Joke Batman is a Batman that I can get behind. He still has his dramatic voice overs, but they aren’t so ridiculously over the top and cheesy. I also really like the art work of The Killing Joke, and the panels are way easier to follow. AND THOSE MOVIE LIKE TRANSITIONS! For someone not too familiar with comics, the cinematic approach made reading The Killing Joke much more enjoyable for me.

I mentioned that I still believe that The Joker is the real star of Batman, and I think that this particular comic strengthens that argument. The reader gets a sense of how evil he really is, but also the extent of his sanity. He’s chosen insanity to avoid dealing with his trauma, and the reader is more sympathetic to the Joker because of this. “Ignorance is bliss”, and the Joker is really just this common saying to an extreme. He would rather not feel anything at all than feel the pain that he was subjected to in his life, and I think that everyone can understand that, regardless of whether or not they agree with his choice. I particularly love the quote “I’ve demonstrated there’s no difference between me and everyone else! All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That’s how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day”. 

PART III: THE SHINING

I did see this movie before we watched it in class, and I watched it again after, but I really valued the discussion that came from our group screening. I wanted to watch The Shining because of its “classic” status, and it also helps that it’s ranked #60 on IMDb’s top rated films. In fact on IMDb, the tagline that’s posted is “a masterpiece of modern horror”. As soon as the word masterpiece is tied to something, there’s a 99% chance I’m going to want to check it out, yes I’m a pretentious snob like that. 

I think part of the reason that I love this movie is that I’m not one who’s immediately turned off by a complicated and ambiguous story line, in fact it intrigues me. The Shining was like this year’s Psycho for me. It checked off all of the things that I would want from a movie: a unique score, dedication to character, innovative shots, and a plot that makes you think. Having a recognizable score is an amazing feat in filmmaking, and I think that The Shining accomplished that. Sure, you probably wouldn’t be able to hum a few bars like you could Jaws, or Star Wars, but you know it when you hear it, and knowing it when I heard it landed me a quick chat on twitter with one of my favourite social media personalities. It’s pretty crazy to me that Jonah Green was mentioned in my very first blog post over 2 years ago, and I’m still an active supporter of him to this day. Jonah has stopped posting regular videos, but over the past few weeks he has been doing nightly livestreams where he’s been talking about some more thought provoking topics that people in the comments suggest. During one of these streams he walked through a room where someone was watching a movie, and I caught just a couple seconds of what sounded like The Shining. A couple of hours after the stream he tweeted that he would be chatting with people for a little bit while watching some horror movies, and what happened next is as follows:

(probably what my face looked like after that exchange // side note: how is Jack Nicholson’s face so simultaneously hilarious & horrifying??)

In summary I’d like to thank Kubrick, Mr. Edwards, and the Academy for this award. In all seriousness, this was cool, but really it’s a testament to the power of film! I’ve only seen this movie 3 times but I was able to recognize it from a small audio clip! That’s how you know you’re doing something right. The classic Kubrick ambiguity of this movie only makes me want to watch it again and again. The characters are so defined and fully realized that I would definitely be extremely uncomfortable around Nicholson in real life, or want to give Duvall a hug. The amount of continuous tracking shots made me so excited (I mean, Birdman is one of my favourite movies if that tells you anything). I’m not a horror movie junkie by any means, but this is a movie I know I will continue to enjoy for years. To finish off this section let’s take a listen to that bit of the score that I’ve been going on about shall we? (skip to about 3:58)

PART IV: GENGHIS KHAN

My favourite, everyone’s favourite. It’s finally made it’s return.

This is probably one of my favourite music videos of all time. When my good pal Lacy sent it to me and said “we should learn the dance”, I’m gonna be honest I wasn’t expecting too much. Little did I know that opening up that link would have such an impact on my life. 

If this weren’t sent to me, I can almost guarantee I would’ve never stumbled upon the masterpiece of Genghis Khan (the video, not the cruel emperor). Honestly though, all jokes aside, I think this is a great video for a few reasons. 

1. That dance sequence really is spectacular, 10/10 choreography 

2. It showcases a family with two dads in a normal (ish) way

3. Catchy tune 

4. The song is much more meaningful alongside the video component

5. Face jewelry??

6. Visually pleasing shots with that 80s vibe again

7. Singing and dancing guards! Especially the little penguin flap move starting at 2:32

8. The best dance move ever at 2:55

9. Edwards put it on our grade eleven exam, which made me feel so much better after having an emotional break down from being late

10. The song never got too popular, so I don’t hate it for being overplayed 

As a gift to the world, I cut a particular clip which is my favourite part of the whole video, so I hope you like it.

PART V: EDWARDS

Here we go. What a crazy journey we’ve been on together, am I right ladies? I totally copied Brynne with this one, but there’s no other way I’d rather finish off this post. Edwards, we’ve been sharin’ laughs together since ‘13, how crazy is that? Back when I was obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy and the bottoms of your jeans weren’t ripped to shreds. Man those were the days. One thing that I won’t forget from grade nine is getting an essay back after you marked it and seeing scribbles all over the front page. My first thought was “wow, that bad?” but it turned out it was just the art of your son who wanted to help you mark. To tell the truth, I think you probably added a couple chicken scratches for your own satisfaction, but that’s beside the point.

Sadly, I’ve only got two other chicken scrath- I mean yearbook signatures from you (what was grade nine &ten me thinking??) but they’re pure gold.

I don’t think I’ll ever live down this Grey’s Anatomy thing, but don’t worry, I’m not cringing as hard as Kepner is about it.  Also, you’re eating your words now huh? You WISH I didn’t take your grade 12 class, you gotta be careful what you put out into the universe!

I’m only kidding, I know I’m your favourite student, and yes, I know that you can’t reply to this post to deny it. I really just wanted to give you the shoutout that you deserve for putting up with me for 5 WHOLE YEARS. Think of all the time you could have saved only marking normal-length blog posts instead of the novels that you get from me. Think of all of that time you could’ve spent making fun of other kids instead of just me (and Brynne obviously, you are ruthless with that one). Think of all of the laughter that you’d have accumulated within you because you weren’t exposed my quick wit and hilarious jokes. I wanted to thank you for always being there to share a laugh, a new video, or a difficult conversation. You’ve done so much for so many students and I know that I will never forget the impact you’ve had on my life as not only a teacher, but a role model. I actually remember the first day of high school, I was doing a tour of the building with my link crew leaders and as we were walking through the english hallway one of them asked, “Do any of you have Mr. Edwards this year?”. I looked down at my timetable and sure enough, there you were for second period english. They then said something like “Aw he’s an awesome teacher, you’re gonna love him”, but that was such an understatement. I know that I will be added to the bottom of the never ending list of kids who comes back to visit you, but I don’t mind. You’ll be at the top of my list of teachers who inspired me to be unapologetically myself, and that’s something I can’t thank you for enough. 

Alright, we’ve made it to that part of the post where I talk about the best Viral Friday submissions and I’m very proud to say that the class actually liked my picks this year. So, since I don’t have to fight anyone, I can simply appreciate the best submissions from the whole class (my own included obviously)

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

Generation  Neglect and Neglected

Hey guys, I wrote this a while back but I have a lot of good posts on the last site I used for my blog so I’ll be sprinkling a few on here even though they were technically written weeks or months ago, heck maybe even a year ago. Anyway I have more writing to do which will be posted immediately after this :)  Enjoy.

Oh it's good to be back. It feels like it's been a long while since I've posted anything for some reason. So my depression has actually been pretty nice to me lately, I have even been able to sleep normally-ish. Usually in order for me to sleep I have to tire myself out or stay up until 4 or 5 am or I just lay there while my depression consumes me. But lately I've been going to bed around 2am with little dark thoughts. I would like to be optimistic and say that maybe I'm getting better but last time I thought that I went to bed shaking and woke up sweating. Anyway folks I have a topic that has been stirring up ever since the younger generations got smart phones and social media and the generation who raised them got alcohol and lost their motivation. So let's get started. In case you didn't know but for those people who have kids in early college or younger, those parents are called "Generation Disconnect" and it's not hard to imagine why. For example there's a whole world of social media and technology to connect with people that generation Disconnect doesn't fully understand and even if they did, it's easy for teenagers, young adults and even kids to hid their actions, words and reputations from their parents on social media. I'm a pretty good example, however I did have a social life... still don't really but instead of social media I took to Gaming. I've easily spent over 30k hours in the digital worlds of gaming and where were my parents or older siblings? I don't know and I didn't care. I learned to think without them, I learned to think for myself and see things differently, I made relationships through games and did things that my family didn't think was tangible or even possible, I was growing up in a different world from them. After years of doing this I had a completely different mind set and thought pattern from my family, they were... Disconnected. I see a video game and I see people, community, relationships, problems with logical solutions and I saw my friends. My parents have no idea that I have a secret blog, they didn't know I like to write until a week ago, they didn't know how many online relationships I have. None of this was real to them until one day one of my gaming buddies from the USA came up here to Canada to visit. You should have seen their faces to see this guy who I have been gaming with for about 5 years and now here he is, a real person... My parents and their generation is very behind, but its not totally their fault. I mean making friends and meaningful lasting relationships through a game or through the internet was even a thing back in their day. One time I was at a family reunion and everyone was talking about sports and I mentioned that I didn't care for sports so my uncle (big sports fan) asked me what it is I like to do. So I told him I spend my time Gaming and he asked how much I play (this was back in grade 11 so I had a lot of spare time). I perked up and said... always. I told him I play night and day which was true. He then asked if the noise from the TV keep people up at night. So then I had to explain the whole story. I explained that I have a headset with full surround sound a mic, I play in my room alone in the dark with an expensive computer not a Wii or Xbox, I play for competition and socializing. I mentioned the social stuff and all the parents fell silence and watched me. I explained all the friends that I have all around the globe and that I play all night through until I am falling asleep at my desk. This is where I get to the point of this story. He then said out loud to everyone who was now listening, "wow we always hear about these punk but I never thought I'd be related to one haha"... he laughed and I walked away. The point is, this stuff online has been fantasy to the last few generations, even my older brother doesn't understand... and he's a computer programmer. So yeah guys there is this great wall of technology that has divided the people who don't know how to use technology for socializing and those who do. There are teens sending nudes while their parents still believe they have perfect kids. There are people being bullied through the internet and no adults know. There are real, genuine friendships and couples being made in digital space. There are people like me who aren't allowed to speak their mind freely because it might be dark or too blunt and honest or maybe we feel like a problem or an embarrassment so we hide in the digital world where no one can hurt us and if they try then we disappear again. Meanwhile the generation that raised my generation (I'm 19 yrs old FYI) gives us stuff like phones, video games,  Netflix, alcohol and even porn and then says shoe, go have fun on your own. I think that a very large portion of the last few generations have given up trying to keep up with technology and the new way of connecting with others so they have also given up on trying to connect with their own kids and the kids have the ultimate tools to be two faced (or 3 faced or 4, etc). Once again I can be an example, who I am here on my blog is the real me, I don't have to hide anything and I am proud to say I have found some people in my life that I get to be the real me with but at home or with most people, I am not the same.  We hide some things or twist things or whatever to fit with what we think is best expected of us depending on the scenario. I find that people on the internet that can hide behind their Username or Gamertag are really more of their true selves then they are in real life, let me explain. When I say something here I have no filter, nothing to hold me accountable, no reason to treat other people well, I can truly be who I want to be with nearly no limits. Online I can treat someone badly and my reputation isn't ruined because, who's gonna find out? no one. We see this a lot, people fight with words all the time online in chats, forms, comment sections, etc. They are revealing who they really are and I can already bet that their integrity sucks. Now my girlfriend and her family say I am a genuinely "good" person, that's nice. Now I guess they must be right because even online where no one is watching, I still treat other people with respect. Not to pat myself on the back but I think I can say that I have fairly decent integrity. Another example is that when I walk around in real life at my church, work or school (when I was in school) I keep my head down and my nose in my own business because I don't really feel like I belong but meet me online... WELCOME TO MY WORLD! I am free here and I can be myself especially since no one is watching, well actually my girlfriend reads my blog but I am free to be myself with her so it makes no difference. I think a lot of other youth take advantage of this whole "no one is watching" thing, they can do anything and get away with it. Now old people try and scare young people by saying, "even when you delete it *insert social media site*  still has a copy and can see everything you do." yeah sure, that's true but it's not like Facebook is gonna call up their parents and tell them all about how noddy their teen kid has been. Now I wanna talk about how those of us younger folk have neglected others or just kinda kept our distance from those who are suppose to be close to us. I have already told you about how I neglected my family by running off into the gaming world but what causes us to do this? I did it because I didn't feel wanted and I felt like a problem, it quickly evolved into me feeling so out of place that I didn't even fit in with my own family anymore. I think that a popular reason for my generation and younger do this because we don't think our behavior or desires would be approved by our parents. Lastly a good reason is because we do it because this is just how it works these days. I mean is there a better way to talk to all your friends? not really, plus this way you can filter even what they see, you can have the image that you want. The only cost is your integrity, genuine loving relationships and self respect. No big deal. Speak'n of which, where does that leave us when it comes to loving relationships? When the youth and the people who are suppose to be teaching them are so disconnected and sometimes completely absent. What happens? Well just take a good look around. Who seems to be teaching kids about relationships? Movies, TV and Porn... that's right folks. Chick flicks generally show a good deep trusting relationship which is very rare mean while lots of TV and of course porn show the next generation that the physical relationship is expendable. I know lots of people and I see lots of posts on the internet saying that they want that relationship where they have "total trust", "feel safe with one another", "tell each other our secrets" and blah blah blah. However I know almost no one who is actually willing to fight for the other person, no one is willing to fight with each other to settle a difference for the sake of their relationship. But no one hesitates to climb into bed with someone. The point I am making is that my generation's idea of a relationship is crap! And the last generation didn't do such a great job at being "role models". A long time ago there were 2 parents and 4 kids not 2 kids and 4 parents. My generation has few mentors other than our media... which is full of unrealistic expectations not to mention they are morally wrong in most way. Just saying. Next is our mental health, yay fun. So according the posters on the school walls and a quick google search, 1 in 5 people in North America have a mental illness. That is the biggest joke I've ever heard, from my experience and my introverted observational skills I would say 4 in 5 people have a mental illness. A good wise person once told me that if you're "okay" in this world then there's something wrong with you. They meant that if you feel like everything is ok and life is a rainbows and unicorns then you're either really dumb or you agree with all the immoral crap that happens around us everyday. However why are we like this? Why is this such a big problem in today's world? Well scroll up to what I just wrote. My generation and the last few generations have neglected each other, we don't feel loved or valued or accepted. We don't have a mentor or even a decent parent figure to go to for help. We can't be ourselves with anyone these days without getting judged and burned for it later. So folks, I'm almost done here. I was trying to think of a solution to our problem but we can't just eradicate social media or just stop using it. It's a heavy method of communication and self expression. The best idea I can think of is to simply be a good genuine person but then I realized that a lot of people don't have good role models on what that looks like and who's gonna teach them? I was lucky to be born and raised to go to church, though at first I hated other people... still mostly do but life goes on. I have pretty much been studying God and how to be a good person my whole life, I have Jesus' hand book on being good in my back pocket to reference but a lot of people don't, they either rejected the idea of Jesus or they simply haven't been given a good chance to give him or his teachings a chance for themselves. Now I understand if you don't believe in God or Jesus but you must admit that if we all lived by his teachings then this world would be a much nicer place. Anyway that's a different topic. I gotta get some other work done and then sleep. Sorry it was so long and I hope it was somewhat organized but I don't write here for your luxury I write here to let my thoughts run wild and sometimes it comes out smoothly, other times not so much. Lastly I'll be revealing my new social media and blog on tumblr which is all acting as an extension of this blog. Also I will be posting pictures of "my world" on this new blog. My girlfriend once mentioned that some of my graphic design stuff could be used for the blog and for banners and what not at the top of the page or whatever. I thought I'd take advantage of that space to show an accurate yet artistic view of my world. Weather it be a bunch of tea mugs on my desk or the fact that my gaming keyboard is half covered in dust while the half that's actually used for gaming is squeaky clean. Anyway folks, I don't have time to edit this and I should stop typing now. Commencing Radio Silence...  *static sounds*.....