#and then realizing and accepting that some of it will change and be adapted differently in the show because that's what an adaptation is

[interviewthatvampire]

One thing I've noticed about this fandom (don't get me wrong, I love it here) is that you guys love to argue with each other over stupid shit and speak for actors that you don't actually know in real life.

Just like every other fandom. Glad to see it never changes, I guess.

[markrosewater]

Hi Mark. With a lot of talk recently in the online space about the unreasonable outrage and horrendous death threats towards the Commander Rules Committee and Commander Advisory Group, I want to thank you for being the proverbial "shield" for some of the most heinous and grotesque backlash towards WOTC as the unofficial public representative for MTG. I know it can be absolutely draining for your mental health to receive harassment in this position, so I just want to say I am grateful and empathize that you are in this position. With that being said, as one of the most prominent faces of Magic, is it possible if you could say a word or two about the aforementioned harassment towards the RC and CAG to deter these harassers and possibly share your own experiences regarding unconstructive hate to help the victims of such depravity (if you're comfortable sharing)?

There are advantages and disadvantages of being one of the faces for Magic. When people like something we're doing, even when I had nothing to do with it, I get lots of praise. Most players only know a handful of Wizards employees, so they tend to assume that the people they know are responsible for the things that are happening.

There is, of course, a downside to that. When things happen people dislike, I'm also the light rod for complaint. Whether or not I had anything to do with the issue in question, I get the blame. I am Head Designer. Many times, I did have a hand or a say in what happened. And when I'm responsible, or partly responsible, for something, I try to own up to it.

Players are not a unified front though. When we do thing X, some of you will like it while others will not. I often will get complimented for the same thing I'm being yelled at for.

From time to time, we do something a majority are unhappy with. At times, we do things a majority are *very* unhappy with. That's when things can get a bit ugly. There are a lot of civilities built into daily life. There are just things you don't do or say to another human being. Most of that goes out the window online.

For some reason, the anonymity combined with just how social media has evolved has emboldened people to do and say things they never would in person (and I should also acknowledge society has changed in ways that even what's acceptable in person has changed).

What this means is I get a lot of negativity, some of it very personal. I'm not just talking about people criticizing the in-game choices I've made (or often didn't even make), but comments on me as a person, about who I am and what they think of me. People tell me that want bad things to happen to me. Not just getting fired (although that's a popular one), people vocalize, sometimes quite graphically, about things they want to happen to me.

The first few times this happened, I took it pretty hard. Having lots of people attack you online, saying horrible things about you, is tough. Humans look to other humans for approval. It's just built into our DNA to want others to like us. Having people attack you hurts. You have trouble sleeping, eating, it just weighs on you emotionally.

I was bullied as a kid. This really isn't much different except its much higher in volume and very public.

With time, I learned to adapt to it. It's not that I enjoy people saying nasty things about me. It still sucks, but I've found ways to process it. I came to realize that someone being nasty is more a commentary on them than me. And I adopted a philosophy of looking past the words to the message behind it. Most people complaining didn't like a choice we made about the game. I could focus on the feedback and less on the delivery method. But that took years, and it has a lot to do with who I am as a person. I enjoy the things I get to do with a public profile, so I accept what comes with it.

I've made the conscious choice to build a thick skin and weather social media, so I can continue doing what I love. It saddens me that I have to.

I say all this because I don't know if people really process the harm they're doing when they get negative online, especially towards another person. Most people do not have the years of processing angry messages like I do.

Words have an impact and that doesn't matter whether you're speaking them directly to someone's face or typing them in the privacy of your home.

Bullying is not okay. Cruelty is not okay. Making a conscious choice to belittle another human being, especially because they made a choice you disagree with about a game, is not okay.

When you use ugly words, you are doing harm to another human being (sometimes many human beings). Imagine if someone attacked you like that, or a loved one, or a friend. Don't do something to another human being that would cause pain if it was done to you.

That doesn't mean you can't communicate unhappiness. It doesn't mean you can't vocalize that you disagree with a decision made. I would stress two things. One, make it about the decision and not the person who made the decision. Explain why and how the decision impacts you, not what you think of the person because they made the decision.

Two, watch your language. As I said above, words have power. They can be used to build or to destroy. Is the language you're using designed to hurt? If so, don't use it. Use other language. If you need to take time to calm down, do so.

Community is what we as individuals choose for it to be. One of the things I love about the Magic community is how kind it can be, how accepting it can be, how uplifting it can be. But that's because we each individually choose to do that. The Magic community can get ugly, but only if we allow it to become so.

So please, the next time you're making a message designed to do something destructive rather than constructive, take a moment to reflect. Why are you doing this? What is your goal? Is it your intent to hurt someone? Because that's what negative language does.

I ask the Magic community to be better. I know we have the potential. I've seen it.

Be part of the solution, not the problem.

Thanks.

[baldudiable]

common misconceptions about the signs

aries : they are selfish. uncompromising. and always angry.

i think what bothers people is that aries prioritizes themselves instead of others. it's the first sign of the zodiac, so it is associated with the self. aries indeed values itself highly. but i believe it has the potential to be as selfless and giving as libra, its counterpart. libra is all about an equal exchange, and the realization that the self and the other have to coexist. what libra is, aries seeks to understand and integrate. aries' path involves realizing that without other people on their side, they aren't really that important. once they have made this realization, they do everything in their power to fight for the people they love. but the sign knows that it should never come at the expense of their own being, who is the person they are actually gonna end up with, in the end. it's not that they are always angry, it's just that they are not afraid of expressing uncomfortable thoughts or emotions, even if that means rubbing people the wrong way.

taurus : they are greedy and lazy. they hate change.

taurus isn't necessarily greedy. taurus most of all wants to feel secure in order to savor life. it's an hedonist. it's ruled by venus after all. this sign seeks to satisfy its senses by indulging in all kinds of pleasures. for taurus, you have to possess enough ressources in order to do that without having to worry about lacking. it's a sign that is also linked to one's sense of self-worth. taurus has a high self-esteem, which is why they give themselves the things that they deem themselves worthy of. they are far from lazy, they are actually very hard-working. it's a fixed sign, which means that once they are working towards something, they don't stop until they have reached their target. it might just take them some time to actually get up and start. it's hard for them to allow change and to welcome new situations because they worry that they will lose the security they have fought so badly to get.

gemini : they are two-faced, detached and volatile.

geminis aren't two-faced, they just have what we call a multifaceted personality. they also have a high capacity to change and evolve. it's a mutable sign, which means that gemini's ego is malleable and influenced by its environment. it is is very adaptable. geminis use their perceptiveness to know which role to play according to the person in front of them or the environment that they're in. they absorb information and traits they have observed and and use them when they come in handy. that doesn't mean that they are two-faced. that means they are creative and intelligent. they are not cold, they take decisions listening to their logic instead of their emotions. they aren't volatile, the person that that they were when you met them simply isn't the person that they are today.

cancer : they are weak and manipulative.

cancers are sensitive, that is true. but i think the reason people see them as too sensitive is because they are open about it. since cancer is ruled by the moon — which literally represents our emotions — its emotions are stronger and sometimes overpower it; it is therefore less likely to repress its emotions than other people. society encourages us to show no emotion because we might be taken advantage of. but to cancers, this sensitivity is a richness and they intend to express it. the reason they are said to be manipulative is because they can sometimes ignore people's emotions as they are so blinded by their own. as a water sign, cancers' emotions were probably ignored in the past. most of the time, they don't have the necessary tools to express themselves without being dismissing other people's feelings and hurting them in the process. they are not weak. they have, like everyone, needs that have to be met to be happy. the only difference is that they are not willing to accept less than they deserve.

leo : they are narcissistic. that they enjoy causing drama.

it wouldn't be fair to say that leos aren't a bit self-centered. they are. but they are ruled by the sun after all. like the sun, they think that the universe revolves around them. which is true to a certain extent, don't you think? everyone is a little bit self-centered, but not everyone owns it. leos do though. they know that we only get one chance at this thing called life, and they plan to celebrate themselves in this life that they were graciously given. this sign is far from being selfish, it might actually be the most generous sign there is. like the sun, leo wants to share the joy, light and richness that it possesses. i understand the dramatic stereotype though. leo is always involved in some kind of drama. this sign is very proud. it demands respect, and when it feels disrespected, it immediately gets into fight-mode. the fire element makes them very intense. their reactions are big and explosive. sometimes, leo complicates situations because the way it feels about them is just so strong. for that reason the wildfire spreads, and with it, its consequences.

virgo : they are eternally unsatisfied. they are too rational.

satisfying a virgo is difficult, i'll give you that. but the standards they set for others are as high as the standards they set for themselves. virgos see everything; the good and the bad. they might be demanding, but they are also able to be appreciative and give credit where it is due. the thing that isn't often said about them is that they are very idealistic. opposite to pisces, this sign strives for perfection. it wants to create heaven on earth. virgos always see how things can be improved and therefore give themselves and others the means necessary to realize their vision. virgos pretend to be rational but they are in fact quite sensitive and spiritual. the only reason they are pretending to be unfeeling is because people depend on them to be strong and to find solutions to their problems. virgos actually brood other past mistakes very often. but they will never admit it, as they hate talking about their feelings and attracting unnecessary attention to themselves. they are not boring, they just have their priorities straight. we should follow their example.

libra : they are superficial. fake. they are only interested in their image.

i think the reason libra is said to be superficial is due to its desire to embellish reality. you have to remember that it is ruled by venus, the goddess of love and beauty. libra wants to refine the elements that constitute reality, even if that means ignoring the depths which aren't always agreeable to look at. it can be hard to get beneath the surface with them because the air element makes them uncomfortable with heavy subjects. but there is nothing wrong with wanting to focus on the bright side of life. their idealism can become a problem when things in their life need to be improved and they choose to ignore them. libras are probably considered fake because they are kind to the people they encounter. i think now more than ever, people are suspicious of others' intentions. libra's generosity around their energy or ressources makes people wonder whether it's actually genuine or if there is an hidden agenda behind it. if libra is so focused on its image, it's because it has a high self-esteem and wants to elevate itself. what is not often said about this sign is that it is very ambitious. it's cardinal, so it wants to reach the top. but only because it wants to indulge in the luxuries that life has to offer with the people that matter to them.

scorpio : they are power hungry. they are mean or aloof.

scorpios aren't necessarily power hungry. most of the time, they don't even want to be in positions of power. they just possess the qualities necessary in order lead. so we make them leaders, and they accept this role. it's a fixed sign, a modality that comes with a laser-like focus and an ability to take control of situations without losing one's cool. scorpios can complete difficult tasks perfectly by removing all distractions. when they are in positions of power, they do everything they can to keep it because power comes with its advantages. they become mean and domineering when they feel that their position is threatened, but it's just a role that they play. they aren't really bad, they are just pretending to be. like taurus, its equal, scorpio is afraid of losing their security. it's also scared of losing control. scorpios usually had no self-agency growing up and major decisions were taken for them instead of with them. now they feel like they have be in control of people and situations in order to prevent harm. they are naturally suspicious of others and keep them at arms' length. the people who manage to see beyond their facade and love them anyway end up becoming their allies. once that is done, they become the most loving & generous people you'll ever meet.

sagittarius : they are unserious and impractical. they cannot commit.

sagittarius likes to have fun. but that doesn't mean that it cannot work hard. jupiter, the biggest planet in the solar system — rules this sign. like the planet, sagittarius wants to grow continually. you cannot put this sign inside a box. and the reason for that is because being in a box prevents their destined expansion. you will always find this sign travelling, going out and learning new things because it has a need to be stimulated and challenged. it is said to be impractical because it's extending its energy to so many places. but from what i've seen, sagittariuses are more than able to be successful both at work and in the private sphere. it's a mutable sign, which means that it's able to juggle many things at once. they are are not scared of commitment, they just don't want to be in a dynamic that doesn't allow them to be free to wander, and that doesn't encourage them to enlarge their minds and spirits.

capricorn : they are materialistic. they are workaholics. or boring.

capricorns like money, that is true. but who doesn't? with the earth element that rules it, it mostly wants money for the feeling of stability and peace it provides. capricorn is a realist. it knows that the quickest and easiest way to make money is to get up and work. but money isn't the most important thing to a capricorn. what matters most for it them family. they exist on the same polarity as cancer, remember? the reason capricorns spend so much time outside tiring themselves out is because they want to bring something tangible and durable home. which can be paradoxical, as they end up losing the precious time they could spend on their loved ones on their work instead. but to a capricorn, using oneself is a way to show love. if people call them boring it's because capricorns choose to use the rest of their time to rest and to be with their people. like scorpios, they are suspicious of strangers. they know that once they love someone, they don't hold back. for saturn, the celestial body that rules the sign, time is of utmost importance; capricorn doesn't intend to waste it on ephemeral people.

aquarius : they are detached. they are commitment-phobes.

aquarius isn't void of emotions. it is after all, human. like everyone, they do feel. aquarius just chooses to give more importance to its mind rather than its heart when it comes to making decisions. it's an air sign that is associated with groups or with humanity at large. aquariuses often fall into leadership roles because they are social creatures who know how to work with others toward a common goal. to them, leadership has to be objective and unbiased, and it has to profit every parts involved. but in the private sphere, they are far from detached. this sign belongs to the fixed modality, which makes them very loyal and loving. besides, the sun, which is all about one's sense of self, is in detriment in aquarius. their ego is weaker than in other signs and that they are bound to make room for strong attachments in their lives. like any fixed sign, they are difficult to approach because they take relationships very seriously. but once you get past their defenses — and if they deem you worthy of it — you earn their love forever.

pisces : they are unreliable. passive. they lack ambition.

pisces are far from unreliable. they are actually some of the most selfless and helpful person there are. they were actually brought up to make themselves useful to others. people always ask them for things, and pisces usually gladly accepts. unless of course they are dealing with problems of their own, or because they are simply too tired to give any more of their energy. they are called selfish from the moment they say no because people have started taking their help for granted. pisces aren't passive or unambitious, but they do lack trust and confidence in their abilities. it's the sign that rules dreams, and theirs are big. they have many talents because they spend their lifetime trying out different practices which allow them to express their complicated emotions. once they realize that their talents can bring them success, they become highly disciplined and determined. nothing can stop a pisces that understands that their gifts can serve both themselves and others.

[catbowserauthor]

2003 Raph Diagnosis

I went back and forth on Raph for a long time. I did consider a few diagnoses for him but here’s the thing—he doesn’t meet criteria for any of them. Either he doesn’t have all the symptoms or the symptoms he displays resolve.

See, a huge difference I noticed between Raph and his brothers is that the effects of what they’ve gone through don’t stick around with Raph like they do his siblings. Naturally, I started to consider why.

Simply put, Raph has more of what we call resilience than his siblings. Resilience in terms of psychology means that he bounces back and adapts to change readily.

Does this mean he didn’t have a reaction to the trauma they went through? Not at all. But Raph’s responses are receptive to change.

After they’re forced out of New York and his brother is hurt, Raph weeps (with support) and expresses his anger. He also devotes himself to helping his brother in a very productive way; they fix his swords together and discuss what happened while they do so (though we only see some of this). They PROCESS it.

After the battle on Ch’rell’s ship, Raph once again expresses his rage but then finds a productive means of healing—in this case, he steps into the leadership role Leo is struggling with and becomes a voice of reason for his brothers.

His means of helping are directly connected to outcomes of the trauma. This allows for continued processing of emotion even when it doesn’t feel like it. Raph is able to really accept and handle all the emotions their crazy lives give them.

Important to remember not everyone exposed to trauma gets #PTSD or a long trauma response. Only about 17%. Raph appears to fall outside that statistic, surprisingly.

As odd as it might seem to say, I think Raph’s anger served as a protective factor for him and I’ll tell you why:

Anger and Sadness are alarm emotions. Part of their purpose is to alert our support systems when we need help. Sadness is a much more subtle alarm but anger is loud and blaring.

Because people know Raph has temper, when his alarm goes off, they respond. When Raph is struggling, he has the support to work through things. Raph is also practical—not logical, but practical. Once his anger is spent, he’s the first to identify what needs to happen. Even if he doesn’t like it. I think we see this especially true in Season 4 when he realizes Leo isn’t at his best so he chooses to step up.

Another thing worth mentioning—Raph’s anger gets noticeably better as the series goes. Part of this is due to gaining more supports (Casey, Mrs. Morrison, Angel, etc), part of it is by gaining more coping skills (knitting especially forces him to slow down and be calm) but also he grows. While we don’t know how old the turtles are in the beginning, most series start them around 15.

Hormones are absolutely insane during puberty and I doubt that’s different for mutant turtle boys. The earlier ages of puberty are often the hardest as the body tries to figure out a balance, leading to outbursts or shorter tempers being more frequent. I think a lot of Raph’s earlier, more intense, anger can definitely have some influence from hormones. Some boys are more sensitive to it or they produce more. As Raph matures and grows, that naturally mellows out.

Lastly, let’s address the elephant in the room. The pipe vs Mikey incident. I think this is one of those blind rage situations where a perfect storm of circumstances came together—given we never see Raph have an outburst like that again. So let’s see:

—just lost his home he had from childhood (and presumably a lot of sentimental items)

—had his family attacked

—emerged topside for the first time since childhood, with separation from his father during this mess

—is in early/mid puberty with no support aside from his brothers and father

—is most likely feeling powerless given recent events

I think Mikey’s taunting was simply the straw that broke the camel’s back with a whole bunch of pressure that had been building up. And he actually handles the aftermath pretty well.

We see immediate regret, removing himself from the situation and he actually gains a confidante in Casey Jones that serves him through the rest of the series! And seeing Casey Jones demonstrating the kind of behavior Raph knows he has. Having to see it I think really drives home that motivation for Raph to improve.

And he does. He grows, uses coping skills, learns to reach out to his family (in his own way) and while he remains hotheaded and impulsive, it’s manageable.

So, would I give Raph a diagnosis? Truthfully…no. In order to have a mental health diagnosis, it has to be interfering negatively in your life and by the end of the series, Raph pretty much has his stuff handled.

Could he still benefit from some impulsivity therapy and development of coping skills, maybe a little more anger management? Yeah, but it’s not to a clinically significant level.

Raph gets V codes! (Or Z codes if you’re outside the USA)

What the heck are V codes, you ask?

V codes are indicators of something a client is working on but it’s not severe enough for a full blown diagnosis. So, things like siblings issues, housing issues, some need of more coping skills etc.

We’re going to assume Raph is self pay so I don’t HAVE to give a diagnosis (Yes, some insurances require this and it is one of the reasons why diagnosis of ‘mood disorder unspecified’ exists)

FINAL DIAGNOSIS:

V61.8 Sibling Relational Problem, High Expressed Emotion Level Within Family

V62.4 Target of (Perceived) Adverse Discrimination or Persecution

V62.89 Victim of Terrorism or Torture

V62.22 Exposure to Disaster, War, or Other Hostilities

V15.49 Other Personal History of Psychological Trauma

[alexthebordercollie]

Ford's autism

K so I don't think I need to defend the interpretation Ford is on the spectrum. People make jokes about him being autistic all the time. We all see it. What I want to do here is sort of connect together some character details and examine them through the lense of my own autistic experiences.

I wanna start with his hands. It's an observation I've seen from multiple people that Ford is insecure about his hands and often hides them behind his back or in his pockets. And yeah, he is obviously insecure about them. He even mentions his six fingers at times when they aren't really relevant to anything. It just showcases the space this physical deviation of his takes up in his mind. And yes, it makes sense that he's insecure about them because he was bullied for them growing up. I want to add to this observation.

Ford would have been bullied regardless.

The problem was never really his hands. When you're on the spectrum people around you can tell that you're weird. Uncanny. Something is different and feels wrong about you to NT people, especially kids. They will pick any shallow superficial thing they can find as an excuse to bully you and justify the sense of revulsion they feel around you but can't articulate. If Ford had been born with normal hands they just would have made fun of him for something else, it would have been his glasses, or the movies he liked, or hell maybe some good old-fashioned antisemitism. Literally, any excuse they could find.

I know growing up I tried for years to change the things about me that I was made fun of for and it never made things any better. The bullying never stopped. "Fixing" things about myself didn't work because the thing that was actually "broken" was something fundamental to who I am. That realization as a kid was soul-crushing. That there was nothing I could do that would ever make me "normal", that would ever make people like me. I felt like an alien born on the wrong planet.

Ford continues to latch onto his hands as a sore spot because they're something simple and obvious he can point to as an excuse for why he's so outcast. He probably knows by this point that the hands aren't actually the problem. I'd argue this journal entry and his comment about "another failed social interaction" shows that he's aware his hands aren't actually the problem. But, it is a lot easier to fixate on those than to dwell directly on that sinking feeling that at the core of you're being you are fundamentally weird, wrong, unlovable. Ford's a genius. If his polydactyly bothered him that much he could have removed the extra digits. The hands aren't the problem, they're a symbol of a more fundamental kind of pain.

Looking at it through this context also makes the gloves Fiddleford gives him an extra sweet gift given what they represent. A kind of wholehearted acceptance of who Ford is and even a willingness to adapt to his unique needs just to show him love and affection. I think something that hurts me so much about their relationship is that Ford had someone who very clearly loved him as is and would have never wanted him to be someone or something else, and Ford was too stubborn to fully appreciate that.

The same is true of Stanely by the by. He never had a problem with his brother being weird. Another relationship with someone who loved Ford as is but who Ford took for granted. He needs these kinds of relationships in his life. People who embrace and accept him for the weirdo he is. He needs them desperately, which gets me to my next point.

Ford's ego. So it's also a common observation that Ford has a massive ego. He's kind of an ass, to put it mildly. But I have had someone in conversation frame it like the pressure to prove themselves was just on Stanley and Ford just spent his whole life being hyped up and told he was hot shit. This isn't true, or at least it's a flattening of his experiences.

Ford was praised for his genius. This is true. But his own father only gave a shit when said genius showed signs of netting material gains for the family. It only mattered cause Ford could be useful. Furthermore, this genius never netted him social acceptance from his peers growing up. He was still a bullied, weirdo, loser most of his childhood. Add that seeing Stanley kicked out would have drilled into Ford's head that if he couldn't make something out of himself his family wouldn't want him either. Stan was an unspoken threat of what this family does to failures.

Gonna bring up my own personal experiences again. Having set the stage for how it feels growing up on the spectrum. That feeling of alienness that you can't really explain. I loved to write and draw from a very young age. Moreover, as I got older I realized that when I drew, people were nice to me. The only time I got social acceptance was when people were admiring or praising me for my art. So I did it more and more, I devoted myself feverishly to my art. I loved it anyway and would have hyper-fixated on it regardless but the positive reinforcement turned art from something I loved to a need. I NEEDED to be an artist. I needed to be the best at my school. I needed all eyes on my work because it was the only way I could make friends. The only way I could prove that I had value. That I deserved a place in society.

I see that in Ford. I see his ego not as shallow narcissism but as an overwhelming need to prove his value as a person. To be loved and accepted and believing that no one will want him if he isn't brilliant. If he doesn't change the world. If he isn't useful. This is also why he couldn't bring himself to destroy his research even knowing it was the safest and most responsible option. Burning down everything he worked for would mean finally giving up on the fantasy of ever being accepted or valuable.

The sad thing is he's so single-mindedly fixated on this personal goal of proving his worth to the world that when people do come along that love him unconditionally he takes them for granted. These people are statistical anomalies in his life. Nice to have around, but not enough to fix the bigger problem. They aren't reflective of society at large. They aren't enough to prove that he, personally, is loveable. Just that on occasion he meets another weirdo. For a while it's nice. Like a campfire in a barren tundra. But he has to keep moving, he can't stay. Warmer lands are ahead if he can just get to them. If he can just keep moving.

This also is why Ford was so susceptible to Bill. Bill told Ford what he wanted to hear. That he was destined for greatness. That, the fundamental wrongness he felt all his life was something incredible other people just couldn't see. Bill promised Ford exactly what he wanted, but not what he actually needed. Ford never needed the world at large to accept him. He just needed a few good people.

I also think his chemistry with Bill was connected to his autistic experiences as well. Bill is literally an alien. There's no pressure to mask around him. To try and "act normal". Ford can just be himself with Bill and not have to think about it. And sure, he could be himself around Fiddleford, but Fidds is still human. The anxieties of human social expectations are still present. Like when Fidds get him a gift for the holidays and Ford feels a bit guilty that it didn't even occur to him to do the same. He doesn't have to think about these social nuances with Bill.

That said I'm sure Bill isn't what his world would have considered neurotypical anyway. Not that Ford would know that. But Bill was also a strange freak in his own society. Just as outcast, possibly more so. I think Bill sees a bit of his own experiences reflected in Ford. I think he relates to him on a level. Not that he would ever admit it outright due to his own ego. I think Bill's fixation on him after the breakup also stems from Ford rejecting the path that Bill chose for himself. Bill still lives with some sort of deeply repressed guilt for what he did. Imagine how validating it would have been to see someone else like him burn their own world to the ground for the same reasons Bill did. But no, Ford's a better man than him, and Bill can't stand it.

Ok, I don't know how to end this long-ass monologue so I'm gonna call it here I guess. I just wanted to spill some thoughts of mine about Ford as a character. If anyone else wants to add to this with other examinations of Ford's character through this lense go right ahead. I'm just saying as an autistic person myself I understand every choice Ford made. I could relate to why he did the things he did even if I know those were mistakes and even acknowledging that he's kind of an asshole. Ford is a strange man who makes an eerie amount of sense to me.

[steern]

How I, personally, shift

Now, before I get into it, I want to preface this by saying that this is how I understand and view shifting to work. If you don’t agree with anything here or it doesn’t resonate with you, that is completely fine! I believe that shifting will work in whichever way you believe it will anyway, so my "methods” should not be taken as the ultimate truth, more so as an option.

This is just what I believed in and what, therefore, has worked for me.

First off, in my belief system, shifting is all about changing identity (or "states”)

By changing your identity, you change your reality; because identity 'creates’ reality.

It should be easy then, right? That’s what I thought too, but I had some problems when I first started believing more in this "identity-method”

My main problem was that I let my current identity influence me too much. That meant, that when I changed my identity within, accepting that I was my desired Identity, I would unfortunately constantly let my current identity win in the end by letting it demotivate me or convince me that I was either doing something wrong, or that all of this was a ridiculous waste of time.

I still believed that I was all really as simple as changing your identity though. I just realized I had to find a way to affirm this new identity without the current identity getting in the way, letting the ego blind me. And that’s when I thought of the infamous "void- state”

The void- state used to really annoy me, because shiftblr and loassblr REALLY put it on a pedestal and everyone was so desperate to get into it, coming up with a million different methods. That’s why I personally never bothered with it, it seemed like a waste of time or too complicated. But I realized that it was the perfect solution for my problem. Assuming a new identity is so much easier when you’re starting from a blank state. Because in the void, you are no one. There is no identity, no ego. Just consciousness, awareness.

There is no identity or assumptions tied to an identity that will push back against you or seduce you into just giving up.

So what I did, was get into the void state. From there on: I get into the void, chill a bit in there and then decide what identity to adapt. I usually do this simply by either saying, “I am (DR name),” or “I have shifted to (DR).”

As for how "shifting” then feels; the only way in which I can describe it, is by this example: Have you ever been on the bus, or train, listening to music and getting so into it, you zone out completely… And them minutes pass and maybe some loud sound or something else snaps you back to awareness and suddenly your at your stop and have to get off. That’s how it feels for me, it’s like I "snap” back into my desired identity and then I’m..simply there. It doesn’t feel any more different than that.

But I assume for a lot of you, you might not have a way to enter the void. I want to make a post on how I enter the void separately, because I really want to get into all of it, especially the smaller things that lead a lot of people to "fail”

I’ve used this method a bunch of times since, and it hasn’t failed me. I think it’s because it resonated with the assumptions I already had about shifting, so there was less resistance. Whether you see possibility/value in this “method” or not, let me give you one thing to take away from all this: work with yourself, not against. If a method doesn’t resonate or work for you, don’t force yourself into it. Instead, try to figure out what it is you believe—or want to believe—about shifting, and from there, put the pieces together so that you’ll have something made for you. Shifting is a personal experience, after all. That’s why my post should just be taken as an option, or a different point of view, rather than gospel.

Anyway, I hope this helped. If you have any questions please feel free to ask them. I’m open to any and all. I’ll make the post regarding the void later today.

[elysiansparadise]

Welcome back! 💗 How nice that you are currently writing posts again. I really missed your content, it is always so enlightening. May I ask what your thoughts are on Uranus in the 4th house? 🔮

Hello love. Thank you so much, we are finally back on track. And sure, I can give some insights about this placement.💗

Uranus in the 4th house

The emotional world of these natives can seem complex, their calm attitude can make them seem detached, when in reality they have the ability to take their emotions and analyze them in detail. There may be in them a feeling of not belonging, of being very different from other members of their family and a peculiar sensation when faced with the term "home", bringing with it a set of complex emotions, from longing for some security, to feeling that they have not explored that as such. It is likely that throughout their life they have experienced changes at home, that they have an unusual family or home situation or that there is a certain disconnection, whether physical or emotional, with their family. They learned to adapt and go with the flow, due to sudden changes in their family dynamics or in their parents' mood. In some cases and depending on how well Uranus is aspected, there may be the feeling that one or both parents are more friends than parents. From a very young age they learned to rely on themselves and not depend on anyone, probably not even needing anyone. A feeling of loneliness or having been misunderstood at some point in your childhood. 

These people recognize their friends as family, generating stronger and more emotional ties with them, which makes them quite selective when choosing them. "I'm not limited to my biological family, I can start my own family." They may find that sense of family in friends, groups, or even their friends' families. In the same way, these natives tend to be caring and attentive friends, always making sure that those to whom they give such a title are comfortable, happy and safe. They can be very reserved with their things, as they will always choose to make their own decisions and not let anyone tell them how to live their lives. They have a great ability to adapt to any situation with resilience and a down-to-earth perspective. Many of them may be very nervous or anxious when it comes to the topic of family, not necessarily out of fear of commitment, rather a terror of making the same mistakes as their parents or some concern about the idea of ​​having children. Many of them can find comfort in things like the internet, video games, music and whatever their hobbies are, beyond being something they do just out of boredom, they are things they put their heart into and make them feel good.

One of the things that makes them most nervous is seeing how the ties they build or what makes their heart happy end, although it is something in which they realize that it can end, it makes them have a harsher time with breakups of any kind. This is because they are afraid to surrender, but when they do they know it is totally true. Emotional intimacy is liberating for them even if it is difficult for them. They look for a soft spot or place to feel like they can be themselves uninhibitedly. They look for that because they know that they are able to give it in return, an environment of acceptance and encouragement instead of a place full of criticism and finger-pointing. They can be very self-analytical people, always keeping themselves in check, seeing what is happening in their inner world and exploring themselves to know themselves completely. Many of them have been very creative since they were children and although they are somewhat reserved with their authentic and emotional side, once you are someone they appreciate a lot, spontaneous displays of affection will await you.

-> Go back to the masterlist

[fatuismooches]

omg i just read a bunch of your work and it’s all so good???? it’s so rare to find imagines fanfic writers that are so clearly passionate about their work and it’s so awesome anyways i have a request !! i absolutely love your frail reader stuff… my health is kinda shit too so it’s really nice to read !! could i ask for dottore trying to attach an IV or help them but they’re scared of needles? dottore realizing they’re not scared of *him* but of just . the needle . and also being really really sweet and gentle while checking everything like vitals and whatnot since being checked up by a doctor puts them on edge usually . BASICALLY i’d looove to see dottore being sweet while working with a patient as opposed to . how he usually is 😭

Dottore is a man who finds himself fascinated by many things. Most obviously, his research. His experiments. The limits of a human being, the stars of this world, the truth of Teyvat. How far he could push himself and others to satiate his curiosity. 

And last but certainly not least, you, his darling.

…Who was now huddled in the corner of his lab, refusing to move. Why? Because it was time for you to receive your first shot. You had only recently woken up from sleeping for four hundred years, so he stuck to other forms of medicine rather than needles in the beginning. But it had gotten to the point where needle injections were necessary for your health. However, you certainly didn’t find this new information pleasing. 

You’d peek out, see him with that large pointy grin with a needle in hand, and then try to inch even closer to the wall as if you were trying to disappear into it as you whimpered. Now, Dottore finds you predictable and unpredictable at the same time. Predictable because being with you for centuries has certainly allowed his mind to adapt and memorize all of your little quirks and possible reactions. Unpredictable because there are always times he finds himself surprised and then mildly exasperated at your behavior. But that’s what he likes about you. You’re not a boring doll like his other test subjects.

But this reaction… once again, he supposes he expected it but he didn’t at the same time. Funnily enough, Dottore is no stranger to your little tantrums when it comes to taking care of your health. Some kind of bizarre reaction from you wasn’t out of the question because he remembers the first time you ran away from taking your medicine.

—

When you realized your life would consist of daily checkups, your body constantly being hooked up to a lot of different things you really didn’t understand, and a whole bunch of other changes, you thought you could do it. You really did. Sure, it wasn’t easy, and it was scary and confusing and you cried at how different you were now but, you were getting through every day and that was what mattered.

However, ironically, your greatest enemy in life became medicine.

You should be grateful really, to have Dottore as your doctor. Although he certainly wasn’t a doctor to his other “patients”, he most definitely was to you. And he was a terrific one - attentive beyond human capability (not even including his segments), skilled, knowledgeable, adaptable, and attractive was also a good bonus. Hell, if it were anyone else besides him, you’d long be dead.

But one thing you absolutely despise is his talent for making the hardest-to-swallow medicine known to mankind.

Dottore had given you lots of different types of medicine since you woke up, experimenting with which was the most efficient. Although he did study how other bodies reacted to it before it entered your own system, it really didn’t spare you any pain because you always ended up dreading it. It wasn’t fun, no, but you had accepted it as your routine. 

Pills weren’t fun, but at least they were a quick swallow after you finished hyping yourself up to drink it. And, they were small or medium-sized. No biggie, right? But then came one time when you were utterly tricked. When Dottore presented you with medicine that you could drink easily rather than a pill, you were ecstatic.  

The syrup medicine was a nice color and looked like it would taste fine! But no, you should have known that the Doctor was a deceiving son of a- you get the point. The medicine tasted absolutely horrible, violating your taste buds. You would have spat it out, but it was already almost down your throat. You were genuinely thankful that medicine ended up being unhelpful to you because you don’t think you could have managed to swallow that every day.

Despite how every time you moaned and whined about it, you would steel yourself and take it anyway because you didn’t want to make Dottore’s life any harder, with how diligently he was working on these medicines solely for your sake.

But at one point, you just couldn’t take it anymore. What caused you to snap?

A pill that Dottore presented to you, that looked big even on his large hand. He had looked at you expectantly, while you looked at him incredulously, as your lover then placed it in your hand and set the glass of water to the side for you.

Okay [Name], you’ve endured all these trials so far. Surely you can handle this? You took a deep breath, slowly working up the courage to swallow it as Dottore waited, curiously looking at you. With a burst of energy, you brought it to your mouth, intent on gulping it, but stopped last minute. Your bravery had left you, as you brought the pill back to the table again. There was no way, just no way that was going in your throat without getting stuck. Just the thought of it was making you feel sick and anxious.

“I’m not doing it.” Dottore sighed.

“We’ve been through this countless times, [Name],” he shook his head as he walked to his desk, prepared to gather some things to work on because he was familiar with your agonizing long waits of trying to force yourself to drink your medicine. “Either you take it yourself, or I will be more than happy to help you myself.” The methods Dottore takes to “help” you take your medicine can be left up to the imagination.

“You won’t need to help me… because I’m not drinking that!” In a flash, you had bolted out the door, leaving the doctor alone in the room, blinking and processing what just happened before he rubbed his temples. Never, not once have you run away from taking medicine. Yes, you whined and begged him to let you skip it, just for one day (which he never indulged you in) but in the end, you’d always give in to your fate. Dottore walked over and picked up the pill, examining it. Was it really that bad?

Well, no matter. You’ll end up taking it anyway. His harshness comes from a good place at least, it is for your own sake after all.

Although you did put up a good fight, you never really had any chance of escaping in the first place, considering your rather poor health and stamina (and this is Dottore after all, no one gets away from him). But you just needed to put off that blasted medicine for a while longer, which was why you found yourself in your current situation.

In a stand-off with Omega, who had come to collect you and bring you back to Prime’s office, so you could finally take the pill. Beta was there too, as he was supposed to be helping, but he looked to be amused by the whole thing. Pointy teeth showed through as he watched the whole show, hands in his pockets. 

The “show” in question was how you were hiding behind a random Fatui agent, using the poor man as a shield, his soul definitely having left his body by now. Every time the segment tried to come closer, you’d physically move the agent’s body to block him from you. And well, even they couldn’t just kill the man like that. It would be quite funny, were it not for the fact that Omega was beginning to grow impatient and mildly annoyed that the other Fatuis were watching this go down. Not to mention the back and forth you two were having about how important it was for you to take the pill, versus your numerous arguments as to why you weren’t. Beta was just there cackling at the older segment’s predicament. But then all of a sudden, Omega backed off with a smile, giving you a chance to escape once again. Yes, you turned around, ready to dash for it, and then ran right into a solid wall.

There Prime Dottore stood, looking down at you with an unamused expression, at this little cat and mouse game. He didn’t really want to show this level of affection to you in front of the other agents, but he had no choice but to grab you and pick you up in his arms so you couldn’t run away anymore.

The other Fatuis could only stare at the scene, you kicking and flailing your arms, vehemently repeating how you weren’t going to drink that blasted thing, and about how evil and cruel he was. Eventually, he was able to make you swallow the pill, with the help of his other segments holding you down.

In the end, he had to ditch that pill because the struggle and tears you put up after that just weren’t worth it when there were better alternatives.

—

However, at least this time you didn’t run away. Instead, perhaps you thought holing up miserably in the corner would somehow make him sympathize with you and that he wouldn’t give you the needle. Unfortunately, you were incorrect. Dottore’s patients are to receive whatever treatment he deems necessary, even if it is you. Nevertheless, you are indeed a special patient. A special patient who receives special treatment, both medically and emotionally. So, it does make him feel a tiny bit sorry for you, seeing how scared you were. 

Though a part of him wonders, are you truly that afraid of a mere needle? Perhaps because he works with it every day, he cannot see how it could cause that much nervousness. Was it because of how he used it on others? Of course, you were no stranger to his less-than-ethical experiments on other people. But surely you knew that you wouldn’t be subjected to such conduct? Dottore ponders for a little while as you continue to crouch in fear. He wonders if he taught Zandy how to use the needle if that would make it less scary for you. But on second thought, you would probably get mad at him for trying to do that to his child segment.

But regardless of what either of you thought, you were getting that injection.

“[Name],” For once, his voice isn’t the normal tone that he takes on when you’re being difficult. So you lift your head and your eyes peek out from your knees as you pout at him. Dottore had set the needle to the side and walked closer to you, reaching his hand out to you, expecting you to get up and take it. With a sigh, you acquiesce and clasp your hand with his as he pulls you from the ground. Though you keep your eyes on the floor and your shoulders drooped, because you know that your fate is imminent. But Dottore tilts your chin so you’re forced to look up at him anyway.

“Why are you so insistent on acting like this?” Your partner questions.

“Because needles are scary,” you whine.

“But I am the one administering it. Nothing will happen.”

“Well, obviously I trust you,” you sigh in defeat. “I know you’d never hurt me. But that doesn’t make needles any less scary. And no matter what you say, I know I’ll still feel that prick of pain! I really don’t want it, Zandik!” You look up at him with pleading eyes. His fingers stroking your hair feels nice but it does little to relieve you of your anxiety. At that, Dottore merely stares for a few seconds before he pulls you to the operating table and helps you up. Well, at least you attempted to change his mind, you thought as you resigned yourself to the pain. You squeeze your eyes and tense your body, preparing for the inevitable prick, but instead, you feel hands slipping down your shirt and cool metal being pressed against your chest. Your eyes pop open as you turn to narrow your eyebrows at Dottore.

“What about the needle?”

“Forget about it. I will handle it another day,” Dottore waves off your concern, and all the stiffness in your body releases. Oh, you were so, so grateful. 

“Now breathe in for me,” Dottore requested. “And out. In. Out.” You did what he asked and he hummed as he recorded your heart rate or whatever he usually does, before moving to your back and repeating the same process. You liked how his hands felt on your body. They weren’t rough, uncharacteristically gentle even. Even though right now it was just professional procedures, it felt comforting. His hands always felt comforting.

Now that you think about it, although it sounds entirely untrue, Dottore was… the only doctor you had good experiences with. When you were a kid, you really didn’t like them. They usually… put you on edge. Unlike most children, the promise of candy did little to stop you from getting antsy during a check-up, and even the nicest doctors had their patience tested. But Dottore and the segments, well, despite their… tendencies, they did make you feel a lot better with your condition and all. It was really nice, to have people who wouldn’t give up on you or your health since you’ve been given up on in the past.

“I’ve heard that Alpha has been showing you the collection of Khaenri’ahn machines lately,” Dottore’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. He was fiddling with the variety of tools he used for the check-up.

“Hm? Oh yeah, we have!” Dottore moved to examine both ears as you spoke. “I mean, studying Teyvat’s new language all the time gets so boring. So I just make him show me the cool stuff during breaks!” Although Zandik’s fascination with the machines was much greater than yours in the Akademiya, his enthusiasm had rubbed off on you too and you found yourself intrigued as well. One thing that had never changed though, was his habit of dumping all his thoughts on you. Seriously, once you got Alpha talking, he wouldn’t stop until every detail of his research had been covered. It was cute. It reminded you of how Zandik used to do the same thing late at night.

“Is that so?” Dottore had moved to check your eye, shining the light at it.

“Mhm! You know, seeing all the things you know now, makes me think back to how much you searched for answers all those years ago. Pushing and pulling me all those places,” you smiled, thinking about how you were always dragged to all parts of Sumeru for him to quench his thirst by hopefully obtaining fruitful results from the expeditions. It was tiring, but good times. You wished you could go back. Dottore then tapped your lips and you opened your mouth as he briefly examined it before returning to his clipboard. For some reason, you feel as though this check-up is dragging on a lot more than usual, but you didn’t really question it because why would you question spending more time with your beloved?

“Yes, and you never failed to complain, did you? You grumbled more than you spoke about the data,” Dottore replied as he continued to do whatever other tests on you before he pulled up your sleeve to wrap the cuff around your arm to check your blood pressure. You rolled your eyes.

“You’re lying! I always engaged in conversation with our research,” you stuck your tongue out at him. “I always pulled my weight! Maybe you were too busy mumbling to yourself and spilling ink everywhere instead of listening to me.” Zandik had a habit of that. Getting too lost in his thoughts and leaving you to babble like an idiot when he wasn’t even paying attention. Dottore only chuckled as he continued to work, pumping the device. You didn’t even notice that he was also preparing a needle with his other hand, because you continued to ramble on.

“And you know what, you were always far worse. In the beginning, you were either talking about research all the time, or complaining about others, or complaining about me.” Just because Dottore was all suave and smooth and poised now didn’t mean you forgot about how much he was not anything of those things back then! The more you reminisced about it, the memories of being slightly infuriated by his attitude came rushing back. So much so that you didn’t register the cuff being swiftly removed from your arm, nor the feeling of Dottore adjusting your arm and the prick of something being injected into you. 

“And!! Pantalone always tells me how much you complain to him about not only the budget but also a wide variety of things! And Bina too, I’ve heard numerous stories of those poor agents falling victim to you, hmph,” you awaited a response but Dottore didn’t humor you like he usually did. So you turned to look at him, but instead, he was carefully placing a bandage on you. You blinked once at the sight, then at him, and then at the empty needle on the tray, the contents empty. It didn’t take long for your brain to process what happened.

“You… you tricked me! You said I wasn’t going to get the needle!” You fussed but Dottore only smirked, his sharp shark-like teeth on display.

“Yes, I did. But it doesn’t matter now, does it? Did you feel any pain?”

“Well…” He was right, you didn’t feel a thing. With all the conversation and his quick yet efficient fingers, the needle didn’t hurt. Ugh, so that was Dottore’s plan… getting you all riled up and distracted so he could finish the job. It was sneaky… but as you tenderly brushed the injection site that was a little sore, you were oddly touched… it was sweet. He didn’t need to go out of his way to do this. Really, another large pill situation could have happened.

“No, you didn’t,” Dottore finished the sentence for you before rolling down your sleeve and cleaning up the area. “There was no need for such drama in the first place. I told you that it would be fine.” You pouted at his bluntness. It was a bit mean, but he lived up to his word. You should have expected that. He always does, when it comes to you. “You have to stay here for a bit. I need to see if the shot will have any immediate adverse effects on you.”

“O-Okay,” you replied, still a bit dazed by how Dottore managed to do that. You wondered, just… how quick were his hands?? Then he placed a kiss on your lips, catching you off guard once again, but he pulled away before you could reciprocate. Ah, it was probably his way of saying ‘well done.’

“H-Hey, don’t just walk away! I deserve more kisses for the ordeal I just went through! Come back here!”

Dottore ended up giving you lots of kisses everywhere as he pinned you down on the operating table. If all check-ups ended like this one did, well, you’d look forward to them a lot more…

—

Bonus:

“Dottore?”

“Yes, [Name]?”

“Can you make them… gummy?”

“Make what gummy?” A few seconds of staring at you makes it click in his head. “No.”

“Please!!” Immediately you pull out your best pleading eyes with a pouting lip, having no shame in dropping to your knees and wrapping your arm around his leg in the tightest grip you could muster. “Please, if it were gummies instead of actual pills or needles, I’d never complain!” Dottore sighs, trying to shake you off but to no avail. It seems you’re dead set on this. 

“At least some of them, please, I’ll do anything.” By this point, your face is buried into his leg, all but begging for him to make medicine that is gummy. It was so ridiculous it would make him laugh, but the idea of him and his segments having to not go through the unthinkable in order for you to take your medicine is honestly quite appealing to the doctor.

“Alright,” he complies, which causes you to shoot up from the ground and grasp his hands with glee. “I will experiment to see what I can do.” You smile widely before thanking him profusely and kissing his cheeks and then his lips. Although he enjoys your affection, Dottore finds himself wondering if you’re okay yourself, because who gets this excited over gummies for medicine? And then he hears your next question.

“Can you make them different flavors too? And oh, gummy bear-shaped too! By the way, my favorite flavor is-”

“[Name].”

“I’m sorry.”

[jesncin]

What are your thoughts on the concept of Clark Kent having once been Superboy in his youth? It's a period of time that's been added, explored, and removed through various adaptations and reboots since 1945 – the original '41 pitch being "Superman before he developed a social conscience." It introduces his own cast of characters his age that affect his eventual growth into an adult: Lana Lang, Pete Ross, Lex Luthor, the Legion of Super-Heroes, etc. Does it add to the mythos or is it unnecessary?

ooh! I definitely think his Superboy era is one of the unique things about Clark that was lost post-crisis. I've seen arguments for both sides! And I think what matters most when approaching it- is less about how it technically fits into Clark's life, and more about what it thematically adds to him as a hero.

If you're like me and building on something like SSTK as a foundation, then the Superboy era starts right here. Growing up, this version of Clark was very scared of his powers and outright hid them to pass as human. A part of him wants to help others with what he can do, but he's still a kid with problems that feel too big for him. Years later, after he saves a circus strongman and realizes he can frame what makes him different in an acceptable package, his mom makes Clark an outfit with the symbol she found him wearing as a baby. This version of Superboy would have a limited power set. It's a rich era where you can squeeze a lot of teen "figuring out who you are/changing body/puberty" angst with small town superhero-ing.

I think what holds people back from going as wacky as early Superboy went is that there's a cap to how much they want Clark to figure himself out during this time. Again if we're working off SSTK, it'll be a lot harder to expose Clark to things like the Legion of Super Heroes because this Clark has a lot of internalized insecurity over being an alien. So meeting and having a positive experience with other aliens wouldn't make his big coming out moment in the finale of SSTK as strong if he isn't overcoming his fear of the unknown. Sure you could erase his memory like STAS did, but that means he doesn't carry what he learned with him. Thematically some people like the idea of Smallville representing these earlier struggles, and for Metropolis to feel like this bigger more adult expansive world opened up for Clark.

I think what people doing the "Is Superboy integral to the mythos or not" debate should open up to is the idea that as Superman's character evolves, his earlier life is going to look different depending on the story we're telling and what he represents about us as people. Maybe he'll look less like the toddler putting villains behind bars, and more like an awkward teen still cobbling himself together.

the tldr is that I think Superman's Smallville era feels too empty without Clark doing some kind of heroics in his youth. So yes to Superboy! Just be open to it looking different from pre-crisis Superboy. Yes he's figuring out his conscious, but he should still have a ton of growing up to do.

[fireflysummers]

Good Omens S2

Okay so.

Excellent Job, Gaiman

Ouch???

I don't like to publicly talk about my personal life. My academic life is my professional life is my artist life. But my personal life? Not so much, outside of vignettes.

But for the past several months, I've been deconstructing a lot of personal baggage and trauma surrounding both family and religion, after leaving the cult I was raised in (mormonism).

It's terrifying to realize that the framework you built your entire self on is false. It's exhausting and painful to deconstruct that framework, to disentangle your identity in the way that won't destroy you.

And it's slow.

Nobody ever tells you how slow it is to heal. You can't control the rate you heal either. You just have to be patient with yourself, and give yourself an environment where that healing can occur safely and naturally.

Anyways.

Good Omens, and its weird tendency to be exactly what I need when I need it.

I first read Good Omens in high school. And honestly, I didn't quite get it, at the time. I only knew it was different from every other book I've ever read, one that didn't treat religion as stupid or trivial, but also one that called out the blatant hypocrisy and control tactics involved. It helped me safely challenge a status quo I hadn't even realized existed.

I first watched Good Omens partway into my Master's Degree. It was everything that I could've hoped for. I understood the book a lot better, but the TV adaptation captured my struggles with mental dissonance, trying to understand and accept the parts of my identity that I was taught God didn't want.

I watch S2 a year into my doctoral program. I'm out of the cult, and it's exhilarating and painful and scary and fun, but I can still feel the scars its hooks left when they were torn out.

I feel like S2 Aziraphale is in about the same place. He's exploring his freedom, but also trying to reorient himself. He's trying to let himself be. He's healing, but his boundaries got overridden due to circumstances out of his control (naked Gabriel). He's been pulled back into the gravity of the abusive system he tried to escape, given a carrot on a stick, and isn't yet healed or strong enough to resist.

On top of that, Aziraphale is still holding onto the hope that the problem was bad individuals, not a corrupted system. He thinks if the leadership is different, things can change. He thinks if he had more authority in the system, he could make things change. And... that's not how it works.

And Crowley. Dear Crowley.

He wants Aziraphale to be farther along in his healing than he is. Honestly, Aziraphale wants it too. But again, you cannot force this kind of healing, even when it results in a loved one making some truly stupid decisions.

Crowley sees the system for what it is. He's already deconstructed that part. But he hasn't really started addressing his own trauma. He's hinged his entire existence on Aziraphale, on being what Aziraphale needs, that he hasn't allowed himself to heal either. And Aziraphale, who is vulnerable and healing, is not able to provide the support that Crowley would need to recover safely.

Which is why them separating is probably the best thing for both of them.

It won't be permanent.

But they don't communicate, and their relationship while delightful and beautiful risks unhealthy codependency that prevents either from really growing or healing.

Anyways, what I really hope to see next season is Aziraphale's realization that the system never had his back. That the system is what's wrong, and that he can't win by playing at respectability politics or gaining a higher status within it.

I want Aziraphale to get angry.

He deserves it. He's tried so hard. He thinks he's lost Crowley over it.

I want him to feel the gut-wrenching despair of realizing how conditional and fleeting the system's version of love is, and I want it to turn into a rage.

But not a destructive rage--the sort of anger that Pratchett ascribes to himself and many of his works. The sort of anger that fueled Discworld and Good Omens. The sort that can be finessed into a weapon and a shield, that can be used to protect the people who truly love you.

For millennia we see Crowley fighting for Aziraphale.

For Season 3, I want to see Aziraphale fighting for his demon.

For him to apologize, without the expectation that Crowley will come back, but because he was wrong and Crowley needs to know it. To not expect forgiveness, not even think he deserves it.

And then for Crowley--who is trying to hide his heart eyes at seeing his avenging angel coming to save him for once, who he can tell immediately has changed, and is finally going Crowley's speed)--for Crowley to give that forgiveness, without strings attached.

[beatleswings]

Autistic Carmen headcanons

Since it’s Autism Acceptance Month, thought I share this. So I headcanon Carmen is autistic but didn't go into much so now, I finally thought up some autistic Carmen headcanons! I might update this if I think up more of them.

Carmen was diagnosed at 18, just around the time she was starting out in her modeling career.

Growing up, as kind and friendly she's always been, Carmen struggled to fit in and connect with her peers. She remembers having to hide some of her behaviors such as easily crying or her interests especially anything deemed "childish" like dolls just so she'd be seen as "cool" and "mature". In hindsight, Carmen realized that she was masking some of her autistic traits to appear more "neurotypical"/accepted. The only friends she had growing up were Valeria (red dress girl from Don's contender slideshow) who she met when she moved to Madrid, making her the first real friend she had and who is her best friend to this day. And later Natalia (orange dress girl) and Yazmín (purple dress girl). Like Carmen, Valeria, Natalia and Yazmín are all neurodivergent; ADHD, dyslexia and AuDHD, respectively.

Carmen has always struggled with changes. When she was 8 years old, she and her family moved from Talavera de la Reina, her birthplace to Madrid, her current hometown and that same year, she started a new school. This still happens when it comes to her routines and schedules.

When she was chosen as a ring girl for the WVBA, Carmen still had a lot to learn and adapt in that environment since it's not much the fashion environment that she's used to and there were times where she would do the same routine she does when she does fashion shows and shoots.

Once she learned she was autistic, she was relieved to have found the answer she needed. Carmen had always known she was different from everyone around her but didn't know why. Prior to being diagnosed, Carmen begin to question if she may be autistic or neurodivergent in general. This was brought up to her by her friend Yazmín and even her modeling agent, who was concerned but was happy for Carmen when she learned of her diagnosis (her modeling agent is very supportive and understanding). 

Carmen's parents were just as glad as she was. They always knew Carmen may have had something and would be concerned despite being told by others that "she's fine, she's just a weird kid" or say something worse, which they did NOT like and they would be quick to defend her. They are sorry for not understanding before or having her checked out before but Carmen understands and knows they are good parents.

Her special interests are fashion especially vintage fashion, makeup, jewelry, flowers (especially roses) and dolls (this includes Barbie).

Her interest in fashion started from when she would dress up her dolls or switch their outfits. She would later begin making custom outfits for her dolls and for herself, the latter until she was 12. Some of those outfits would inspire the outfits she would design later on in her fashion designing career. Even looking back, Carmen would notice in her childhood photos and in family home movies that she loved dressing up.

She loves going to thrift stores and buying and trying out vintage outfits.

She hyperfixates on anything pink, which is her favorite color and the color she has a very strong affinity for so of course anything she owns is pink. The same with roses, dresses with polka dots (I mean why else did the wear that clownish, see-through dress?) or anything with patterns that are easy on the eyes for her, hairstyles and anything cute like plushies. Oh and when it's close to Valentine's Day? She would be at the Valentine's section at any store because the colors and decorations and even purchase Valentine items for Don and herself.

Carmen often has daydreams, mostly to do with fashion and modeling and whatever her current interest/fixation is. Don also fits her constant daydreams as well.

Due to Carmen's mother being a hairdresser, Carmen would get hair ideas from her for her dolls and later, for herself, which is another example of her hairstyle fixation.

She has her same foods: for breakfast, sweet corn flakes with banana and strawberries and whole milk (and she can tell the difference so it has to be whole).

Her safe foods are anything sweet like chocolate preferably milk chocolate and chocolate with peanut butter, strawberry ice cream (this partly due to her pink fixation), any pastry especially donuts and muffins.

She has foods she prefers and served a certain way; prefers warm mashed potatoes, smooth peanut butter and when she has spaghetti, she likes it served separate instead of mixed.

She dislikes bread with seeds and nuts due to texture. She also dislikes chunky peanut butter and chocolate with nuts for this reason. The same applies to juice with pulp.

She prefers soft, silky, stretchy and loose-fitting clothing. Super tight clothing makes her squirm, sweat profusely and nauseous.

She also prefers wearing soft and comfortable shoes, heels and boots. Also applies with chokers, she prefers loose fitting, soft and lace.

She always cuts off tags because it's sensory hell for her.

She enjoys her modeling and fashion career, in fact, she found solace in it—the textures, colors, and combinations of clothing became a way for her to express emotions and express herself.

Even though she enjoys her modeling and fashion career, Carmen still experiences sensory overload. At fashion shows and as a ring girl at the WVBA, it's due to the flashing lights, blaring music, and the crowded environments. While at first she's okay with it or more like, tries to mask, but after a while, it could become too overwhelming for her.

She also had to mask her discomfort in modeling tight and stiff clothing and certain fabric and seams that caused her sensory issues. Same when she would model turtlenecks. All those issues from her early days of modeling would eventually lead her to get a diagnosis especially when her agent expressed concern.

Carmen is prone to meltdowns not just from being overwhelmed or over sensory stuff but also if she's trying to remember or understand something or when she's annoyed.

Carmen uses noise-canceling headphones when she hears loud noises, to soothe herself and yes, her noise-cancelling headphones are pink!

Carmen also takes quiet breaks which is usually her reading fashion and gardening magazines before she continues with what she has to do or after a day of modeling.

She would start wearing sensory bracelets and fidget rings to be at ease when she's on the catwalk, as a ring girl and just in general. It helps soothe her.

Some of her stims are tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, hair twirling, hand clasping, hand waving and humming. Listening to the same song over and over again is another stim of hers and helps soothe her. She is also prone to getting songs stuck in her head.

Carmen has difficulty interpreting and responding to social cues. She tends to not understand sarcasm unless it’s someone she knows, she laughs at moments that aren't that funny (ex: one person jokes and everyone except her laugh and when that person is just talking, she laughs), and she smirks or smiles when she tries to hold her laugh in when she remembers something funny and when she is infodumping, she tends to forget to notice reactions from people and doesn't see if they're bored, annoyed and uninterested.

Carmen has hyper-empathy; she tends to feel emotional towards and over-attachment to people, places, animals, objects, or things; when she sees the boxers especially Don lose, it hits her hard. Same when she sees a model stumble and while everyone laughs or points, she feels bad for the model. And she can’t watch movies or shows where bad things happen to the characters especially animals.

She was scared to come out as autistic to Don or him finding out that she is. This was out of fear of thinking Don would look at her differently, make fun of her or think she's not pretty for him. She had to deal with that with some people including two exes of hers ("you're too pretty to be autistic", "why do you like childish things" or the tedious "but you don't look autistic"). One day when Carmen was dealing with sensory overload at the WVBA, that's when Don knew she was neurodivergent and he helped calm her down. He also then tells her he is also neurodivergent (ADHD) and he understands what Carmen goes through. Both of them being neurodivergent, bisexual and hopeless romantics who share an interest in makeup, fashion and dancing is what brought them closer.

Carmen still masks especially around new people or in new environments because she knows how neurotypicals can be. With Don, her friends, her family and people she trusts and when she’s alone, she feels at ease to unmask, stim and be herself. And they accept her for who she is.

Carmen would become open about her autism and advocate for autistic/neurodivergent inclusion in fashion. With her fashion design, she designs sensory friendly clothing. Oh and NO tags!

[oishitea]

I cannot begin to summarize how Monster Next Door finally portrayed a flawed parent getting a good ending in a way that satisfied me. I have such beef with Thai BLs constantly giving our mains difficult parents, terrible asshole parents even, and then just justifying the way they treated their child like shit as being parental love and their kid accepts an apology (not you Bed Friend, the holy grail of giving shitty parents their due).

The tension between Diew and his mother, Kade, is obvious, and I was really afraid that the issue would be brushed off as casually as all the rest, due to my past viewing experiences. For a good portion of the show, she seemed overly concerned and harsh toward Diew and it really bothered me.

It was this visual that made things really click for me:

(also I'm sorry for the quality of photos of the show, Gaga now seems to turn the screen black when I try to take a screenshot on my laptop, so I took them with my phone)

Loss of a loved one is hard to talk about with strangers, but it's often more difficult to discuss it with other loved ones who knew them. Diew's father meant everything to him in his childhood because their personalities and dispositions made it easier to enjoy spending time together. I cannot speak as a parent, but I can only imagine the loneliness generated by the loss of a partner (losing a main emotional support you now desperately need) and then watching your child deal with grief by withdrawing from you (a child you have, up until now, not established a relationship as close as your late partner had).

God had the fortune of meeting Diew in the present, and that allowed him to get to know him without any preconceived notions of who he was to influence that development. Kade didn't have that luxury; being a parent means seeing your child through every stage of life and adapting to the changes that come with them. I can only imagine how much harder that had to be when she became a single mother and the clash of personalities made it significantly harder to connect. At some point, she clearly clung to a version of Diew that at least made her feel relevant by presenting her love as wanting to remove all possible worries.

Grieving separately being the main wedge between them runs with some of the themes of the show, I believe. We've watched God and Diew grow together and sort out their differences because ultimately they wanted the same thing - to show they are interested and care for each other - but their challenges presented mostly in how they went about it. Diew and his mother also care about each other. The strain is part of that love and how it has also been weighed down by years of misunderstanding and uncertainty.

Kade recognizing her failure to meet Diew in the middle and letting him know how she felt about it was HUGE to me. So many people will refuse to recognize the failure, and if they do recognize it they do not want to admit it for what it is, much less voice how they feel about it. Also disappointment in one's self as a mother, I believe, is incredibly relatable. It doesn't absolve all wrongs, but it's an incredibly important factor in being willing to do better.

She isn't blaming him here. She isn't using his feelings against him. She apologized without trying to erase what happened. She is simply letting him know that all she wanted was to be closer.

And then Diew seizes the moment. He's grown up and become someone less recognizable to the person she already didn't know very well. That doesn't mean they can't work things out.

Of course this is the solution. This is the green flag communication boyfriends show. But moreover, it's about realizing that life and people come with differences and changes and that doesn't mean that things have to go wrong or end badly. Often the fears that get built up in our heads - the monsters we first perceive them as - are not as scary as they seem, if they are at all. If growth is going to happen, we have to face them.

Excuse me while I sob in the corner, but this response makes Diew such an exceptional character to me. It demonstrates how he has changed from the beginning of the narrative but also remained true to himself. He has always needed someone patient and kind enough to listen to him as attentively as God does. Being heard for what he needs has done him wonders. His struggle to reveal the things that deeply hurt him and seeing how not sharing them can hurt the people he loves in return was an important lesson. Now that his mom has finally shared her pain, the pain that started years ago by no fault of either of them, he can extend that love toward her in a way he knows will reach her.

Diew and his mother are equal in how they can move forward. The relationship isn't treated like a hole in the wall to putty over, but truly something that can be built upon a newer and stronger foundation. I greatly enjoyed the finale as a whole, but this aspect of it tugged at my heart strings personally. I adore this show. Forever and ever.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Hi nalyra hope you're doing well and happy new year!

I just watched Daniel harts interview. It leaves me with a sinking feeling I must say. Long face was fun, I just don't think the creators understand what they're doing with lestats character tbh. They all seem to be writing for a different character depending on what they want the scene to be. Now he's cruel now he's loving now he's funny creating a narrative dissonance in the meantime. I mean if the one who is supposed to write the music does not understand the core of the character and we have already had some serious red flags from hannah maybe we should just accept that this is what we're getting show wise.

... To be honest, I have been mulling over this as well.

Because.

I did expect the teaser to have substantial... planning. I did expect Long Face to have canon narrative ... impact.

That, however, does not seem to be the case.

If I interpret Daniel's comments correctly he had to write Long Face in a rush for SDCC, came up with the lyrics himself, and then Rolin told him he needed to be able to explain them because Sam would ask.

That... is not what I had expected. Or hoped for.

Long Face is a lot of fun. I love the song. But that is all there is to it, apparently. A fun teaser, which might not have much to do with what will hit our screens.

And this show has 1,5 YEARS in hiatus. WHY. Why does it all take so long if Daniel Hart only gets a few months to write that, for example. I know that they knew they were renewed, for a while before the announcement hit. They had the costumes and makeup ready, and there was obvious planning for the teaser.

But the lyrics and general timing comment makes me think they just grabbed certain costumes from stash, and the brilliance of everyone involved then made it what it is, more than any planning.

Apart from that it was sobering to realize that the aforementioned fact means that these things are thought out only because Sam will ask?! Like... okay. Thank god for Sam then.

And finally... yes, we do have to take what we get here. There have been a few red flags before: the agency comments, Levan's comments, Hannah's take on certain things... Sam adding lines when he knows they cannot cut them, or professing to doing 45minute phone calls with Rolin and Hannah, or him having problems with 1x05 and wanting trigger warnings on it, but getting ignored.

Sam said it, in Autumn's video: this is not Anne's Lestat. They changed core traits in order to soften other characters. The changes they made need and will have repercussions on upcoming arcs.

But this is what we're getting.

I love this show, the way they dare, and the way they address things. The way they hold up a dark mirror, and apparently do not go the "Netflix" way. The scripts are brilliant, the show a huge puzzle, with more layers than an onion.

And I love the music, too.

I waited 30 years for this to be adapted.

Will it be perfect? No, nothing is.

But I will enjoy the hell out of it regardless.

And, nonny, I can only recommend doing the same.

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale Reviews: EPIC: The Musical

(Thanks to @knightsweeties for this image)

Now this maybe my most unique review. As technically speaking. This is a Concept Album that then became a unique full on musical.

Epic is a musical adaptation of Homer's The Odyssey created by Jorge Rivera-Herrans.

And this means I will not be discussing the Visual Quality. Which is something I am heavily reliant on for my reviews of things.

But for such a special case. I think I have found my areas of review

The Plot

The Characters

The Music: (Are the songs good? Are they good Narrative? What do the songs say)

The Themes (What are the moral lessons)

Inspiration vs Interpretation (What does it do different from The Odyssey?)

Final Thoughts

_____________________________________________________________

The Plot

The story takes place at the very last days of the Trojan war. Odysseus and his allies are inside the Trojan horse. (A complex monument to Athena to trick the Trojans to let them into their city) They want to end the war and go back to their families.

(The Horse and The Infant)

The crew bust out of the wooden horse and proceed to attack the city, rescue Helen (the whole reason they are in the war in the first place) and finish this war.

During the invasion, Zeus gives Odysseus a vision of his death, which he says can only be prevented by killing the threat here and now. And shockingly, Odysseus finds out the threat... is an Infant.

Zeus and the gods tell him that this baby will grow up and murder him along with everyone he loves Unless he kills him now. (Including his Wife, Penelope)

Odysseus wrestles with this morally as the child reminds him of his own son who he hasnt seen in 10 years. But eventually does kill the baby by dropping him off the side of a wall (Just a man)

After the raid, Odysseus and his fleet leave to go home to Ithaca. But during the trip they realize they are out of food and must find some or they will starve before making it home (Full Speed Ahead) So Odysseus and his best buddy, Polities go to check the first island they find.

Polities notices Odysseus is obviously a mess and tells him he needs to be more accepting of life and others (Open arms) which allows them to talk with the Lotus Eaters, who tell them where they can find food.

After this, Athena slips into Odysseus' mind to tell him to get a grip by reminding him of his past (Warrior of the Mind)

Ending the first saga (Troy Saga)

The crew go to the cave and find a ton of sheep, enough to feed the entire fleet, but Unfortunately find out that this cave has a Cyclops that is pretty ticked about them killing his Sheep. (Polyphemus)

Despite trying to negotiate, the Cyclops attacks (Survive) The result has Odysseus losing Polities along with several soldiers. But Cleverly the wine they gave the Cyclops was drugged with the Lotus that the lotus eaters had given them earlier. The crew Blinds Polyphemus and Escapes (Remember them) After which they steal his sheep and right as they leave, Odysseus reveals his name and that Polyphemus will Remember this pain. Which was not a smart move.

Athena sees this as proof that Odysseus has changed and she is Done (My Goodbye) so she tells Odysseus she is leaving. Odysseus tells her not to let the door hit her on the way out. As he has some grievances

(End of the Cyclops saga)

And because of Plot, a Storm appears and is making it impossible for Odysseus and Company to get home (Storm). But they thankfully find some Floating Islands which happen to be the home of the Wind god Aeolus, whom Odysseus believes can help them, but after what happened the crew is starting to have doubts, including Eurylochus (Luck Runs Out). But Odysseus pulls rank and says we going to ask anyway.

So Odysseus meets with Aeolus who helps them if he plays a game. Aeolus put the storm in a bag and tells him no one can open it or it will release the storm. While also spreading a rumor among the crew that the bag Odysseus is holding has treasure. (Keep your friends close) And Odysseus tells them its a rumor and that NO ONE can open the bag. His Paranoia keeps him awake for 9 days as they sail across the calm sea. But unfortunately when he fell asleep, SOMEONE opened the bag and the storm got free, blowing them to the land of Giants... where Poseidon happened to be.

Poseidon reveals that he knows about what they did to Polyphemus and He is not happy. As surprise, Thats his kid. And decides to teach Odysseus a lesson about how "Ruthlessness is Mercy upon ourselves" (Ruthlessness). The sea god wipes out the fleet, leaving only 43 men under Odysseus command. But before Poseidon could finish Odysseus and the last ship. Odysseus used the last of the wind in the bag to escape.

(End of the ocean Saga)

Odysseus and the remains of his crew end up on an island. Odysseus is pretty shaken over the whole thing and tells Eurylochus to hold whatever he was going to say and go scout. Eurylochus takes some men and goes scouting, only to come back alone. He reveals the men got turned into pigs by a powerful Sorceress, Circe/ (Puppeteer).

Odysseus goes off on his own to go plan how to deal with the powerful magic user when Hermes finds him and gives him a flower that will counter Circe's Magic. (Wouldn't you like). So with this he goes and confronts Circe alone.

Odysseus and Circe clash and are basically even until Odysseus managed to get his sword at her throat (Done For). But Circe decides to use the power of seduction to get a handle on him. Which fails as Odysseus is too in love with his Wife, Penelope to fall for the seduction, and he simply pleads with her to free his friends. (There are other ways). Circe, moved by his devotion tells him that there maybe someone that could help him, but the man is dead and that they would need to go to the underworld to find him.

(End of the Circe Saga)

Odysseus and Crew make it to the underworld where as they are searching for the Prophet Tiresias, Odysseus is haunted by the deaths of his comrades, Polites, and then by his mother who died of a broken heart waiting for him to come home. (Underworld).

They Find the Prophet who says that he doesnt see a world where he helps him get home, but does foreshadow events of the future, including how the man that is with Odysseus' wife is haunting and has a trail of bodies behind him (No Longer you).

Odysseus realizes that if he wants to get home, he must embrace Ruthlessness and become a monster. (Monster) And so the group leave the underworld.

(End of the First Half. End of the Underworld Saga)

Sirens appear and one pretends to be Penelope to get Odysseus to jump in the water. But Odysseus manages to get the siren to tell him what path to take to avoid poseidon, which involved going through the Lair of Scylla, a monster that crossing has a cost. (Suffering)

Though as soon as he got the information, he shot the Siren with an arrow and revealed he knew they were monsters. He and his crew capture them all and reveal they put beeswax in their ears to block out their song and he had read their lips to get the info. Now knowing where they need to go, Odysseus orders his men to cut of their tails and throw them back in the water, making them drown. (Different Beast) Revealing he has accepted Ruthlessness.

After that, Odysseus and crew make it to Scylla's lair, where Eurylochus finally confesses that HE opened the windbag. Odysseus felt the betrayal, but instead of responding with anger, simply tells him to light six torches. As they enter, Scylla appears and feeds on the crew, mainly the 6 holding torches. (Scylla)

After they escape the lair, Eurylochus figures out Odysseus just sacrificed 6 of them to Scylla to get past. He confronts odysseus who doesnt deny it. (Mutiny) Resulting in Eurylochus attacking Odysseus in a fight for leadership, which Odysseus nearly wins but was stabbed in the back (Literally) By his crew. Eurylochus takes command and when Odysseus wakes up, they are on the Island of the Sun god. Where there are cows roaming. Odysseus realizes that this is VERY bad and says to Eurylochus to NOT touch the cows. But he says that he is hungry and kills one. Unfortunately... that was a mistake. Odysseus is quickly put back as captain and he orders them to get on the ship and Row as fast they can before the sun god sends someone... but its too late. the Sun god sent Zeus.

Zeus tells them they messed up and that they will need to pay. (Thunderbringer). Zeus gives Odysseus a choice, His life or his crews. Odysseus not wanting to make that choice, still picks his own life. Because above all else, he wants to see his wife and son. Zeus kills the crew and destroys the boat, leaving Odysseus alone.

(End of the Thunder Saga)

we cut to 8 years later. Where Telemachus is living his life without his dad, wondering what his life will be and only knowing his dad through stories. He also describes how Suitors are after his mom and they bully him. (Legendary) One Suitor, Antinous is especially crass and Telemachus tells him to shut up, to which Antinous says "Or what?"

This leads to a fistfight in which Telemachus is badly losing, until Athena intervenes to help Telemachus. It still ends with the boy's loss but he put up more of a fight. (Little wolf).

Telemachus bonds with Athena and convinces her to go help her other friend. (We'll be fine).

Athena then searches Odysseus' memories to find out where he is, only to find him on Calypso's island. Calypso being a goddess and holding Odysseus there against his will, Odysseus was trapped their and is almost on the brink of ending his life as his guilt is harassing him to a point of no return. (Love in Paradise). He even desperately calls out to Athena.

Athena decides to help Odysseus by pleading to Zeus to have him Released. Zeus says "Lets make it a game" and tells Athena she has to convince Apollo, Hephaestus, Aphrodite, Ares, Hera and then himself if she wants Odysseus freed. (god games) Athena Agrees and gets each one to agree until getting to Zeus, who nearly kills her over being made a fool of in his game. But her pleading did eventually get him to agree.

(End of Wisdom Saga)

Odysseus was building a raft from materials on the island when Calypso appeared and told him that she is letting him go, as someone demanded his release. She proceeds to tell him her feelings on the matter (I'm not sorry for loving you) in which she sort of apologizes (but more like how a Youtuber apologizes) Odysseus tells her he does love her, but not in the way she wants. Which pisses her off.

He sails on the raft when Hermes appears who gives him the Wind bag containing the storm, saying this is his final chance while telling him how to get home (Dangerous), explaining how super risky it is. Odysseus follows the plan which leads him to facing Charybdis and successfully sailing past him (Charybdis). Odysseus is finally approaching his home as he sees it in view, but Poseidon appears, revealing he had been WAITING for him.

Poseidon tells him that he needs to get in the water and accept his fate. Odysseus pleads for forgiveness as its been so long and they have both suffered enough. (Get in the Water) But Poseidon takes the words as an insult and hits him with a god move, Shatter the Ocean. As Odysseus sinks to the bottom of the ocean, he hears the voices of all his dead friends and loved ones saying they are waiting for him, and he takes his final breath... Until he reawakens as a monster.

Odysseus revives and uses the storm bag to get out of the water and unveil HIS finishing move on Poseidon (Six Hundred Strike). He bests Poseidon, but the storm has been released and now Odysseus cant get home. Odysseus tells Poseidon to call off the storm, or else. Poseidon tells him he cant kill him. Odysseus says "Exactly" and proceeds to stab Poseidon until he begs for mercy and agrees to call off the storm

(End of Vengeance Saga)

We cut to Penelope who saw the storm on the Horizon dissipate and take it as a sign that her life is going to change. So she puts a challenge to the suitors. String her husbands bow and shoot an arrow through 12 axe heads and the one who succeeds will be king (The Challenge)

The suitors end up trying for several hours to achieve this but all fail. Antinous points out how this is all just a trick to stall and that they should just go to the shore to ambush Telemachus who is on a diplomatic mission, and once they kill him, the queen will be theirs to do with as they please (Hold them down) but as he got them all agree, an arrow flies through 12 axe heads and strikes Antinous in the throat, killing him.

Odysseus reveals himself, and he knows their plan. Odysseus is Super pissed and says he will kill them all. (Odysseus) He is now the monster. Odysseus made sure all their weapons were gone and methodically kills them all. The suitors try all sorts of tactics, from sneak attacks to pleading for mercy, this of course fails. Some suitors managed to find the room with the weapons, only to find Telemachus waiting, who was armed and a full fledged warrior of the mind, and he is doing work as the suitors all rush to attack him to use him as leverage to escape Odysseus wrath. After some time, Telemachus is worn down, but Odysseus appears and VIOLENTLY MURDERS THEM ALL.

After the suitors are dead, Telemachus and Odysseus talk and finally reunite. After the reunion, Odysseus tells Telemachus to tell his mother he is home and that he will be there in a moment. He wanted to talk with athena who was there with Telemachus. (I cant help but Wonder) Athena and Odysseus both talk about what they both want next, understanding that they are in different places, but its a sign of mutual respect and care. Athena wishes him luck.

Odysseus finally arrives in front of penelope. In which he bares his soul to her, unsure if the monster he has become is worthy of being by her side, and asks if she would fall in love with him again. (Would you fall in love with me again). Penelope reveals that he is still her husband deep down and that she has waited 20 years for him and she doesnt care where or when, He is her husband and that she will love him, over and over again. They finally reunite.

So yea, thats the plot of Epic and its beautiful

Granted there are changes from the Homer epic poem its based from. But... that will be covered later.

Overall, solid plot. Beautiful and simple.

9/10

_________________________________________________________

The Characters

There are a lot of Characters named in Epic. So bare with me.

Odysseus: The main Character. The journey he went on from a man that was gripping with the pain he has caused, to a man accepting ruthlessness, and becoming a monster to get home, while still realizing he is still who he is deep down is a fascinating character exploration. If we compare him to the Odysseus of the Homer myth, he might actually be a much more morally gray character. But for Epic it works as he has his wants and desires. He is cunning and loves his family, and his desire to do whatever it takes to see his family again is surprisingly human despite the monster he becomes. He is my favorite character in the musical. He is deeply flawed but he is the best for this story. 10/10 (Funfact, his instrument associated with him is a guitar, nylon when normal, electric when in intense scenes)

Eurylochus: He is the supposed 2nd in command but as the journey goes on he grows to doubt his captain's abilities. I like how he is a hypocrite in several things within the story, showing that perhaps he always wanted to be the one in charge, but also has love and care for Odysseus. Out of all the characters on the crew, he likely understands Ody the best, but also failed to see what he was becoming. 10/10 (Fun fact, his wife, Ctimine is odysseus sister. She isnt mentioned in the musical, but it makes Eurylochus his brother in law making the betrayal extra tragic)

Telemachus: The son of Odysseus and Penelope. He has spent his life getting picked on by the suitors. But after he becomes friends with Athena, he discovers how strong he can be. He is a pure soul and believes his father is still out there. He becomes a warrior of the mind thanks to Athena. I do wish we got a bit more out of him, but he does do his part well. (Fun fact: His Nickname, Little wolf. is a reference to when Poseidon calls odysseus crew a wolf pack swiming with the shark. Since he is Odysseus kid) 8/10

Athena: The goddess of wisdom, and battle tactics. She starts off the musical more calculating and cold, pointing out how Odysseus is losing his composure and smarts because of his emotions. She eventually leaves after a huge argument and is filled with remorse, deciding to make amends by watching over his son, She befriends Telemachus and really realizes her mistake. She even goes as far as to fight Zeus to get Odysseus free, a fight which left her scarred. Athena going through an arc of GAINING empathy and mercy, as opposed to odysseus, making their reunion touching but also sad, like old friends that are now on different walks of life. Her dynamic with Telemachus is top teir. 9/10. (Fun fact, Athena's ability is often misconstrued as time manipulation, but its actually her speeding up thoughts to make everything around them seem slow. Its similar to the power of the Flash)

Poseidon: The god of the Sea, he basically is the big bad of the story as his introduction basically shaped how Odysseus went about trying to get home. Poseidon is pissed that Odysseus blinded his son and left him to suffer, stating that this is all odysseus' fault. He even mocks and reprimands the King by stating if he had just killed Polyphemus, none of this would be happening. He kills most of the crew, and shows how much of a force of nature he is. It isnt until we get to the Vengeance saga that we see Poseidon's true colors. He is petty, cruel, and vengeful. He isnt Ruthless as he claims, because if he was, he would have Killed Odysseus earlier. He wanted Odysseus to suffer. And its only when the tables are turned we see how pathetic he actually is. Solid performance. 10/10 (Fun fact: Poseidon's music in EPIC is represented by trumpets and brass section that gets more electronic and distorted the more wrathful and angrier he is. He was also meant to appear earlier and Tempt Eurylochus into opening the bag, but this was cut.

Penelope: While technically only in 2 songs, Penelope is the most influencial character in the story, as She is Odysseus' drive to get home. She is the one holding things down in Ithaca while she is missing. And when we meet her, we find out how clever and strong she is. She had held the suitors down with her own tactics, keeping them from acting out longer than many could expect. She even figured out Odysseus was arriving after seeing a storm. But what stands out most is that she is the person that defeated the Monster Odysseus was. She saw right through it, she knew her husband. Penelope showed she was the strongest in spirit, and her love for Odysseus matches his love for her. And its truely beautiful 10/10 (Fun fact: She is the most mentioned character in all of Epic. and is only not mentioned in the Cyclops saga.)

I could also go on about the other characters such as Circe, Antinous, Polyphemus, and more. But I think I can summarize and say. Phenomenal characters

Overall

10/10

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The Music

(Are the songs good? Are they good Narrative? What do the songs say)

Yes AND YES

When it comes to the music, Epic does a great balance of Having a solid Narrative through line for most of the songs. Though there are some bits that do need explanation of how things get to point a to point b. But its usually a minor thing.

I think Epic's soundtrack falls into two categories.

Songs I listen to when I listen to the whole thing.

Songs I can listen to by themselves.

Now for me, Songs such as Just a Man, My Goodbye, Ruthlessness, Done for, Thunderbringer, Legendary, Dangerous, Get in the Water, The Challenge, and Would you fall in love with me again.

Are all songs that I can listen to by themselves and not even need to think about the plot, these are songs that are perfect for AMVs and are emotional Peak.

This isnt to say the songs not on this list are bad, its actually a case of, listening to them makes me want to go through the whole saga. Its great in a different way.

If I am being honest, this maybe my personal favorite musical. The attention to detail Jorge does with call backs to previous songs or foreshadowing. The special association of characters to instruments is (Chef's kiss) The more you listen to the songs, the more you find out.

It is mainly an album which means the focus is the songs and it shows.

10/10

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The Themes (What are the moral lessons)

So interesting fact, according to Jorge, Epic's main lesson is about Ruthlessness.

Now many people misconstrue what Ruthlessness actually means.

Many assume it means brutal and harsh tactics in order to achieve what one wants. But that is not the case. We actually see how in some cases being Brutal and harsh ARENT ruthless.

To be Ruthless one must do something without being merciful or compassionate. It means you are going in without taking emotion into account. You want to get to your goal no matter what.

Another way of putting it, it is being determined to get to what you want no matter what. That is how Ruthlessness is defined in this musical.

to be honest, I actually find that moral lesson kind of weak.

BUT there is another lesson in Epic that I think is a much more valuable lesson.

Love is a powerful Action.

Whether it is for good or bad. Love is the driver of EVERYTHING in Epic.

Odysseus was willing to sacrifice his crew for Love. Odysseus fought a god for love. Penelope waited for 20 years and dealt with the worst people, all for love . Never waivering.

Love is what convinced Circe to help Odysseus, Wanting love is what made Calypso force Odysseus to stay on the island.

Athena's Love (as a friend) for Telemachus helped her go so far to save Odysseus.

Love is a powerful action that can shake the world.

That is what I believe is Epic's TRUE theme is.

8/10

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Inspiration and Interpretation (What does it do different from The Odyssey?)

So there is a LOT of changes to Epic that make it distinct from Homer's The Odyssey.

I dont think I will be able to list them all, but I will list a few

The story starts at the end of the Trojan war, where in the odyssey it actually starts with Telemachus 10 years after this point

Odysseus never directly faces poseidon, Poseidon just sent a few storms.

Odysseus isnt torn up about what happened in Troy. His crew was hit with a storm after they were being bad sports in the war

Aeolus was actually a king and not a wind god.

Odysseus was not Athena's champion, their dynamic was added for this play. Diomedes was actually athena's champion.

Odysseus dealt with Charybdis and Scylla at the same time in The Odyssey, and no one mutinied him over it

Odysseus actually had to sleep with Circe to save his men, and they chilled on her island for like a month. While in Epic, he doesnt sleep with anyone except Penelope.

(And this is a fun one) Tiresias actually does help him, telling him to NOT sacrifice the cows on Helios' island as it would result in him not getting home for a long time.

Odysseus was actually at Ithaca for a bit before he attacked the suitors, meeting Telemachus earlier on in which they hatched a plan.

There were no games to free Odysseus, the gods basically agreed he suffered enough.

Telemachus heard from Athena that Odysseus is alive, but she was disguised as an old man when she told him

The bow the suitors had to string was a Recurve bow, its not mentioned in the song, but the men had no idea there was a special trick to stringing that bow.

The Winions arent real, the Lotus eaters were originally humans in the Odyssey and were just high on Lotus.

Odysseus was given a unsinkable garment that helped him get home.

And thats most of the interesting ones

Anyway The Odyssey also tells a tale more focusing on the trials and tribulations, praising Odysseus' cunning while reprimanding his dishonorable tactic. While Homer!Odysseus was mainly babysitting idiots, Epic!Odysseus was actually a bit more at fault for things that happened. One odysseus had to be freed and left to his own devices while one had to learn Ruthlessness to get home.

They may tell the same tale, but they do it in different ways.

Epic is different enough that it is clearly Inspired by, not ripping off

this one isnt for grading, I just wanted to put this here.

__________________________________________________________

Final Thoughts

Epic is truly Epic.

It is a wonderful musical that gives a little bit of everything. it rewards the listener if they dig a bit deeper. It is filled with emotion and it was crafted with pure passion.

It may have started as a concept album, but it is a tale of Ruthless determination and a will to dream.

I love this musical and I hope you all give it a shot.

btw, here is additional art my friend made

[itscherrylipsforme]

The missing piece: Oliver Quick x fem!reader

Part 2 here

Summary: A few months after Saltburn becomes completely his, Oliver still feels like something is missing. Without being able to put a finger on it he decides to pay a visit to Oxford, where all started, trying to find the answer between his old memories. Fate believes that a pretty and sweet student he meets in a bookstore is the piece of the puzzle he needs right now. After all everyone wants to be showered with love, don’t they?

Warnings: Post Saltburn fic, a little bit dark (it’s Oliver, what you expected?), age gap (he is around 15-17 years older), slightly innocent kin? (nothing sexual)

Words: Around 1700

Author's rambles: Okay, I feel in love with him the movie and I am kind of embarrassed about it (It’s not my fault hat the actor has pretty eyes and a gorgeous accent, fine?) For your own good, don’t aspire to have a boyfriend as toxic as him in real life. Also this is my fic on Tumblr, please be nice

Masterlist Characters I write for

Likes and reblogs are appreciated ღ

I do not authorize any of my works to be copied, translated or plagiarized ✗

There is a psychological phenomenon that claims that after achieving something we have been longing for some time instead of the sense of satisfaction we were expecting we feel incomplete, hopeless and already looking forward to our next success. After having the Saltburn's keys just for himself, Oliver experienced that piercing emotion for the first time in his life. If he was painfully unaware of it or simply decided to ignore it remains as an open question until today. The only thing that was certain for him at that time is that he needed some action, a new goal, maybe some entertainment, and specially he needed answers. That’s why he decided to go back to the place it all started nearly sixteen years ago

Oxford hadn’t changed a lot since he graduated, as he had the chance to notice it. Different names, different faces, different decades… But still the same social scheme it was back them. Groups of rich daddy’s and mommy’s children swarming around the campus, pubs where you had to drink to be accepted, and poor little nobodies who had to adapt or die in the process

He rented a large flat not so far away from the university, and in the café just below it he rediscovered a hobby he had always had, but which have been almost forgotten on those last months on the mansion. Looking at the students, being able to read through their facades while accompanied by a cup of coffee, became his new pastime. But people always talk and after some weeks spending the afternoon in the café terrace just lost in his thoughts he realized the odd glances the staff shot towards him, so he decided to hide his true interest behind a less complex and unique one. The next day he went to the closest bookstore to buy any novel that would help him with his purpose, after all, people just ask fewer questions when you are reading on your own. That was when he found you sitting on a couch, legs crossed with a book between your small and soft hands

Pretty, beautiful, gorgeous even. Young, probably still studying at Oxford. On the shy aspect, lovely and smart as he guessed correctly. Sweet smile. Bright eyes. Oh, and some soft curves he was able to peep while he seemed to be looking at the shelves by your side. Wait, was that a blush, what he saw on your cheeks? Another scholarship student as he was back then. The fact that your clothes weren’t from big and expensive brands and that you spent your afternoons in the bookshop without really buying anything was the clue he needed to be sure about it. God, you were adorable, perfect, just what he needed right now and he decided to start working on it

Time had shown him that patience and a good plan could take you far away, this is the reason why, although he was eager to come to you and straight-forward mesmerize you with his tricks, he waited. He spent the next five weeks going to the library more or less daily hoping to see you, and luckily (since he was used to building his own luck) your schedules always matched. He always sat on an armchair to read next to yours, close but not enough to be suspicious. Just after he had made sure you have not so subtly looked at him a few times, he decided to make the move

“The Secret History” a deep silky voice said from behind your seat. His face slightly near to your face which made the words linger in the air for some honey-like seconds “You have a good taste”

“Thanks… Thank you” you manged to say in sweet and shy whisper

“First time you read it?” he asked and a shake of your head was the response he got

“No, I have already read it a couple of times in pdf. But I have never owned the physical book”

“We can have that keep happening, can’t we?” he grinned, and you couldn’t remember if he was the first man who had smiled and looked at you in that way “May I have a look at it?” his large and firm hands came to hold the cover as he stood up and went straight to the cashier “Follow me, darling” the nickname rolled in his tongue, sweet as candy, and before you thought about it, you did as he said. You were obedient, good thing, he thought to himself. He pulled the money out of his wallet in merely seconds, paid for it and hand it back to you

“Thanks, but I can’t accept it” you said slightly embarrassed

“Of course, you can! It truly is an amazing novel, you deserve it” he smirked. His words have had just the reaction he had expected from you, cheeks covered with a tiny hint of pink “I have always found myself relating to Henry Winter, I just need my Camila now”

You were taken back, was that an attempt to flirt? Because if it was, he had your attention. While you tried to make any sense out of your thought, he spoke again

“I am usually on a café nearby, if you are interested you could come sometime” Another smirk, and at that moment you knew that this man was going to be the death to you. Things like this only happened to the main characters in romance movies

“I don’t even know your name”

“ You can call me Oliver, darling”

“I am y/n”

“Beautiful, beautiful y/n, it was a pleasure to meet you. Hope we see each other again”

And you did. Between coffees, books, conversations and more, he had you wrapped around his finger by the time your classes ended. Oliver was sweet, devoted, intelligent… all you could ever ask for in a man. He was straight out of your dreams, and damn he felt you were straight out of his. Innocent, easy to make blush, could keep with his ramblings and most important, you were eager to love, and he was eager to be loved

Yesterday it had been your graduation, when you left the ceremony in that beautiful dress he had insisted on buying you and wrapped your arms around him, he felt like his plan has almost completely succeeded. Almost, you wanted a fairy tale romance, and he was going to give you one. Keeping things slowly and delicate. But when he woke up and felt you laying on his chest sleeping peacefully, he couldn’t help but want to make you his. That had been the only night you had spent in his apartment in your months together. He had sworn to himself that he wouldn't rush, so he didn't. At least he was glad you were coming with him to Saltburn for a few weeks in the summer and you could bet he wouldn’t let you leave the mansion again if he could. After all, you were all that he wanted. His missing piece

Part 2 here

[mayfay-analysis]

Danny's Medical Complications

Or: I had an idea and it won’t leave (and unfortunately I can’t do dialogue to save my life)

It started simple enough, a quick visit to Frostbite for a general checkup. And then it kept going. New machines, techniques, people, and an increasingly worried yeti was starting to freak Danny out a bit. Eventually it all went away and Frostbite set him down for A Talk.

See, Halfas are hella rare for a reason. The conditions needed to form them are really rare yes, but they aren’t the Main problem. No the main issue is the Disparity. Ghosts are beings of emotions, sufficient stress, emotional/mental harm, lack of ecto, and more can all lead to death. And Halfas crank that up to 11. They have a human side to take care of that’s constantly changing and growing, a higher ecto requirement to fuel their higher base strength, and a myriad of other minor complications that haven’t been properly studied cause Halfas are rarely found and usually don’t form ghosts on death

Say what

What do you mean “don’t form a ghost” they’re already half way there!

And there lies the problem, they’re halfway there. Ghosts are pretty static. they might change yes, but it’s usually due to major events or over the course of eons. And how do they decide on what they’re gonna be? By dying of course! Once the body dies its ghost is formed based on the current life situation and they move on. Simple, quick, easy. No complications here no siree!

Enter Halfas

They already died, and while infant ghosts and experience some major changes as they settle it’s nothing to the degree humans do. And as time passes the static ghost half and changing human half can drift, wobbling on that line between life and death. And once it gets to extreme? They fall. If the ghost half starves or dies the human half experiences Major health complications, leading to death shortly after. If the human side dies they try to form a ghost using all the ambient ecto the ghost side has been feeding on, leading to the ghosts death in most cases but if not they’re practically two different beings and fusing them will kill both anyways.

Good news though! With all the combat and rediculously high ecto levels Danny was exposed to to form his other half, his ghost side has stayed pretty adaptable! The other ghosts didn’t realize they were fighting a literal infant thanks to the high ecto levels he had (and the knowledgeable ones that Did had other reasonings the meant a little smack down they totally wouldn’t lose was an acceptable trade off for them). Horrifying, he will spend the next century finding all sorts of animal pelts, boxes, music tracks, etc landing on him in the middle of the night. But it has a silver lining! Thanks to not being allowed to settle Danny can still shape his ghost form to a degree. And Clockwork, brilliant old man that he is, has an Idea on how to fix this.

Great! Lay it on him Clockwork! What’s he gotta do? Get de-aged and die? Ha Ha! You sure know how to make a good joke old man-child, now what’s the real way?

Oh

Oh no

Danny Can form a ghost on death, but it’ll require dying while as mentally and physically similar to how he was when the portal closed. Problem there, he’s changed. He’s changed a Good Bit. Luckily Clockwork can handle the physical aspect but Desiree needs some extra time for her end. See, she Can change brain chemistry and whatnot, but it takes time to become permanent. A quick fix like her usual work is fragile (lies, it’s still stupidly powerful but forming a ghost relies on the persons deepest core, and that takes time to settle in to Desiree’s magic). So they just have to de-age Danny to an appropriate age where once he hits around the age he was when the portal closed Desiree’s magic will have settled, molding his personality/core to as close as they can be.

And then he has to die.

Doesn’t have to be as extreme as the portal incident was (in fact new factors like major doses of ecto would be a Very bad idea, his malleable ghost side is already pushing the limits with the minor variation he’ll already have) but it Does need to be in an area with high levels of ambient ecto, preferably his new hometown to match his current life’s lack of geographic movement.

He’ll also need to have his ghost half locked away to a degree. He’ll still need to be liminal of course, that long term exposure to ecto is needed to fuel a ghosts transformation, but proper ghost powers are getting put away unless Clockwork thinks they’re needed (and if it Does get to that point he’s getting pulled out for a second try anyways).

So where to put him? Well Gotham of course!

Clockwork…. Why are you like this (it’s all for the good of the timeline. And Lady Gotham owes him a favor he prepared just for this)

From there if he ends up in the Bats care (Nasty Burger explosion, Ghost Jazz, or simply not having anyone capable of properly raising him knowing he’ll die at 14) it doesn’t take long for one John Constantine to notice the Heavy Infinite Realms influence on the small child and drag the big bat away for his own Talk (double angst if he’s able to recognize the specific brand of Time Magic indicating a death prophecy). If he ends up under Jazz’s care then it might take a bit longer, but she’ll likely end up tied up in Bat business and from there it wouldn’t take long for a Very stressed Jazz to accidentally reveal something (or a child Danny not realizing “I know when I’m going to Die in excruciating detail!” is Not something you share with strangers, especially not ones as paranoid as the Bats).

Also for loose threads I imagine Ellie is unstable because her ecto is cloned off of Danny, while her human half is its own person. That large disparity usually leads to death (as seen in the other clones) but she’s able to force it off with sheer ecto strength, using the ecto shots as fuel to Force her body to stay together until they reach an inevitable conclusion or potentially meld together like Dan does).

As for Dan he’s not Properly a Halfa. I never watched the show so I don’t have all the details but I understand he’s some kinda mix of future Danny and Vlad gone evil and destroying the world. This mix Might be able to last longer than a regular Halfa would due to the insane amounts of ecto he has in his system. And as time passes the mixed ghost halves Could be unstable enough to sort of meld with his human parts, creating something of a Highly unstable ghost-human hybrid (seperate from Halfas since this is a blending of the two, not a distinct line between two halves).

That wouldn’t work with Danny cause it requires a second ghost mixing with him And the two somehow not destabilizing during the years it takes for the blend to settle. And the Ellie route is out since that requires So Much fine control and vigilance over a Very long period of time to slowly manually shape the ghost half to better fit the human half, rather than the other way around like Danny’s doing.