#and they HATE that ok? thats part of the reason they spend most of their time with all mother or in other fake realities so they can forget

[cal-x]

fixatingon your own ocs is so cringe

[lillonvia]

Ayyy mama! guizhong asker is back! (I couldn't use my phone for a while, anyways-) part 3 bAby. So like I said guizhong is alive and well in the game, still pretty cheerful but kinda off for r e a s o n s we already know. (I think it would be pretty cute if both zhongli and her disguise as mortals together as a couple) traveler doing the story quest and all, But it's a bit different. I like to think at this time and age of liyue lots of people would know reader's story and would incorporate it to lantern rite and just other things in general (like how in the game zhongli asks traveler to get the perfume and glaze lily as offerings, I think this can just be coincidence but guizhong). Like how superstitious farmers and shepherds putting bells on their flock of sheep so they would be able to find them, and people putting bells on graves so their deceased loved would be able to find their way home, heck the story itself could be a use for parents for their children to not stray away from them. Okay enough story building and on to the actual ask- ghuizhong meeting a reincarnated reader as a shepherd using the bell for his flock (reader is a teenager in this) how they met is because traveler and zhongli was trying to convince reader to give them the bell for a discount. (since I also wanted to add that bells are really only sold by farmers/blacksmiths since other than for spiritual reasons aren't really sought out for) oh yeah- the stuff that zhongli needs are different in the game it's now like- a toy, the bell, and jade

i have been procrastinating too much i hate myself- IM SO SORRY ANON I CANT WRITE A FIC ABT THIS I AM PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE OF DOING SO </3 but ill share my thoughts and interpretations on it utc instead if that workshsj

guili stepping down from their pedastals and instead posing as a mortal couple is just so adorable to me <3 i have LOVED (platonically) guizhong and guili ever since i saw the lantern rite 2023 cutscene on youtube YOU DONT UNDERSTANDD why did hyv kill off such beautiful and wonderful ppl 😭 first tomo, then signora, makoto, then bonanus, menogias, and guizhong?? WHY. ok thats enough outta me-

and the shepherd bit is also really interesting, since we don’t really have any sort of hint of agriculture yet and i think that it’s really intruiging and unique <3 i love the fact that reader’s story is still well known across liyue to the present day, and i’m sure guizhong is happy that reader’s memory is preserved via the usage of bells.

AND M O R E FOUND FAMILY TROPES W/ GUI AND REINCARNATED READER?? YES PLEASE‼️ i feel like at first, guizhong would try to stray away from helping to find the bell that once belonged to reader, bc she most likely feels that if she did come along (not to mention zhongli was so understanding of this JSJSJSJJ), the memories would come rushing back and theres a chance she can’t hold it in anymore. you has always been so very special to guizhong and by extension, zhongli, after all. <3

the moment guizhong realizes that reader was reincarnated in a mortal body is probably when she notices how similar current you’s speech mannerisms and little habits—that no one else really noticed but she did, shes your mother after all—greatly resembled the traits of the half-qilin!you.

and the final nail in the coffin is when they asked to spend a moment with guizhong in private, and they dropped a BIIIGGG bomb by saying,

“ its nice to finally be able to see you again, mama. ”

HEHEUJTLRB im so delulu when it comes to mama!guizhong <3

[splatoon-edits]

Garlic anon here,

Got any predictions or hopes for Side Order since it's releasing in just 2 weeks?

(Personally I'm hoping other octoling DJs like Paul and Warabi show up somewhere somehow, also hoping for an Agent 4 cameo)

OH MY GOD YEAH I DO!

HI GARLIC ANON NICE TO SEE YOU THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME AN EXCUSE TO RAMBLE BECAUSE I AM GOING TO EXPLOSE IN ANTICIPATION OF SIDE ORDER

Agent 4. First and foremost this is the top of my list. I would love to have them appear in full 3d (and be available to see/have their own dedicated place on the map like captain 3 is cuz i want to take pictures. but thats less important) but honestly at this point ill even take them just being mentioned. it would suck if they were the only agent to not show up at all in 3 but like PLEASE JUST LET ME KNOW THEY ARE OK AND WELL WHERE DID YALL LEAVE 4 ARE THEY JUST STATIONED ELSEWHERE ARE THEY FOCUSING ON PERSONAL/NON NSS STUFF PLEASE MENTION MY DARLING BABY- ahem sorry im very normal

No dedf1sh villain :( i mean i ould be fine with it from a storytelling point if its good. but like. i want to imagine acht being ok after all this. pls let her be fine and ok. like on one hand it would be cool. but on the other hand... thats my baby pls dont make her evil :(

NO MARINA VILLAIN EITHER. well like. this is more subjective. but like. no like intentional "i wanna take over the world and do harm" kind of villain. if shes responsible for the bad stuff in an indirect or unintentional way id be ok w that. like idk she tried to do smth and it got out of hand? but if its just "ooh isure do hate the splatfest results so now im gonna turn evil >:(" kind of thing i just dont think it would fit her character.

some kind of reward. beyond just beating the dlc obviously. like. its meant to be played over and over and over again, right? i want some sort of reward(s) to work toward to incentivize that. idk i just want smth else to work towards besides just salmon run scales or playing pvp.

im also really looking forward to seeing pearl and 8 together again. i just feel like pearl being the one giving the advice and guidance, potentially without having a voice of reason like marina, is going to be very fun. she says the funniest most unhinged stuff. i adore pearl and i cannot wait to see her.

IM ALSO RLLY LOOKING FORWARD TO FIGHTING ALONGSIDE PEARL. it was SO much fun having little buddy in hero mode. like just having a lil companion who helps u in video games is the best.

at this point i think its time to retire the octoling enemies unless we have a reason for them. they barely made any sense at all in 3, and unless they do something creative with them i just dont think they have a place as enemies again. luckily none of the trailers show enemy octolings, so fingers crossed we don't have to beat up poor mind controlled octolings for a third time.

ok i know not everyone agrees with this. and given how side order looks so far, i dont think/actually want it to happen. but it would be nice to get more deep cut content. we didnt get to actually spend time with them in story mode. they were just antagonists the whole time and then once they joined the players side we got immediately thrust into the final parts of story mode. they didnt really get a chance to shine as friends rather than foe. but ig we already get tosee that on the splatcast. and the story mode is rlly just to show the other side of them we dont get to see on air. so at this point from what we know about side order, it wouldnt make any sense for themto be there. they dont know 8. but early on before we got any trailers and all we knew was that there was going to be a dlc with off the hook,,,, i was hoping for a deep cut cameo... now we have no way for deep cut and off the hook to meet after this. like deep cut and the squid sisters know each other and get along(?). and we know marina is a huge squid sisters fan, and pearl at least knows of them. Plus pearl and marina have met capn cuttlefish and made friends w him. so were probably able to infer that off the hook and the squid sisters have hung out more since octo expansion. i think there is even official art of them together in multiple pictures? so they are obviously friends now. but deep cut and off the hook dont know each other.... SO HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET A DEEP CUT, SQUID SISTERS, AND OFF THE HOOK CONCERT. I NEED INTERACTIONS WITH THEM.

honestly i hope they lean into the like... vibes of it all. but this is splatoon. the art and music always gives 130%. like its always good. theres nothing to rlly worry about there.

ok so im hopeing this isnt going to be some fully disconected alternate timeline where none of this affects the normal timeline or characters. im still partial to my own theory of the whole thing being a simulation built by marina in her hopes to see what a world of order would look like. but marina got stuck in it (or is refusing to leave maybe?) it would be unclear to 8 and pearl where in the simulation she is or if she is even here of her own free will or not. so u know 8 also goes into the simulation. and pearl probably doesnt go in, but is able to control the pearl bot from outside the simulation so that she can still interact with the real world. i mean pearl can cover for marina, but if both famous idols suddenly went missing it would be a pretty big panic. or maybe theres some other reason why pearl cant be in there fully. or she is in the simulation fully but for whatever reason she is in the pearlbot form. anyway this would allow us to have the fun of an alternate timeline while the characters are still from out timeline.

SPEAKING OF. if we do get the whole "our version of the characters AND alternate version of the character" thing. i want alternate marina to be the villain. like maybe marina in the simulation/alternate world didnt mean to be a villain, but in her quest for order and safety she ended up hurting others sel expression and creativity and all that. but our marina finds her and is like yo maybe this is... not a great thing. but alternate marina doesnt listen. this would be interesting cuz then pearl and 8 could get messages from marina that seem out of character but nope its just alternate marina boom big reveal. idk man.

ive realized im more theorizing than talking about what i want to see at this pint. so i should uh... probably end it here. cuz i can theorize all day but no ones gonna know whats right till it comes out. anyway yeah my biggest thing i want is probably an incintive of some kind to play over and ver.

also it 5 in the mornaling and i have not slept. so if you see grammar/pselling mistakes? no you didnt. dont ask why im awake(couldnt sleep so i figured id come check tumblr and try and get more requests done but i only actually ot one thing done before egting sidetracked by this ask)

[kosmic-arts]

Roxas, Namine, & the Reality That Carl Jung is Real

OK SO. this video is great and is an even more detailed, succinct version of what i was talking about in my roxas/kh2 plot analysis post. please watch, this is such good food for thought. for a while ive really been thinking about the meaning of nobodies in kh, and how i feel the concept has been gradually bastardized over the course of the story- but disregarding that lmao! i have been making the connection myself about how similar nobodies are to the concept of the shadow in carl jung's psychology theories, and boy howdyyyy was it great to see i wasn't the only one, because violet howler mentions the same in this video. as ive mentioned before, i feel like roxas and namine should have never been pushed as being their own separate people, rather as reflections of sora's and additionally, kairi's worst aspects. or at least the parts of themselves they repress. roxas and namine should have always been vehicles to help strengthen the main characters, rather than growing into people of their own- that way the ending of kh2 would've actually been the happy ending that they were clearly trying to push that it was for roxas and namine. but only to backpedal in ddd.... in the video, violet howler tries to argue the contrary- that the further developments in the series for roxas and namine to separate as whole people from sora and kairi are logical extensions of their representation as shadows- but i just disagree. i already mention this in my post linked above, but sora and kairi should've grown as people and actually gained the memories and experiences of their nobodies when they merged; the whole plotpoint of confronting the side of themselves they wouldn't rather acknowledge should've been wrapped up ages ago in kh2 instead of being stretched out for so long. roxas and namine's stories and connection to one another should've been more tightly written to more properly lead into their ending of returning to their counterparts. i am still miffed about how roxas spends so much of days chasing after xion who gets to have all the character development and hard choices, instead of the guy you're literally playing as- ok.... although ill say namine is written a lot better, as she gradually grows into having her own initiative- and its nice that kairi in kh2 also starts to express the same urge as she decides to stop waiting for sora and riku and just go find them herself. anyway. i will say though, i am very so-so hmmm lukewarm about the whole "nobodies can grow hearts" shtick. in a lot of ways, i like the idea. BUT ONLY when you think about it through this context: through forming connections with others, and holding on to their humanity so to speak- nobodies can grow a heart of their own and regain their humanity. thats cool! kingdom hearts is about the importance of friendship and connections, and all that- so having such a thing have real physical results in the nobodies is a powerful concept. that, and it really does fit with the whole nobody/shadow carl jung representation going on. BUT THATS NOT HOW ITS IMPLEMENTED IN GAME. xemnas in ddd says the body will replace its missing heart at the first chance it gets- not when the nobody makes connections with others. which is why i hate the growing hearts bit, because its very clearly a poorly thought-out escape for the nobodies' major dilemma. same thing with how a person can be recompleted by killing the heartless and nobody. thats fucking insane because it makes it so that the answer to all the organization's problems was to commit seppuku all along!!! nothing of value is lost, everyone is technically immortal if they lose their heart to darkness and split- just shoot their two counterparts and you get to live again. its so bad help alright. i'm starting to lose the point so i will end this here lmfao. long story short, i agree with everything in the video except most of his reasoning that the weird shit at the end of kh2 and postgames made any sense and is justified by the carl jung shadow theory comparison. kthx, watch the video its cool :)

[dballzposting]

hey remember when i talked a lot about maté and Trunks and Goten and maté? I think while the whole maté situation is calming down they would fuse again for reasons that they don't even know-

they really just do that shit sometimes at this point and being Gotenks is a 30 minute gamble cuz he either does something awesome or spends them all watching the spiderman movie trilogy via a 30 minute ytph (hispanic youtube poop, i mention the hispanic part because there is literally a 30 minute ytph of spiderman on youtube and i watched it in one of my most deranged states possible, such as the one i'm writing this to you in) and like they don't even remember the ytph clearly so it wasn't even worth it like what the fuck Gotenks we're never fusing again (they fuse again a couple of days later)

Ok the point was they would stop their Maté Cold War and fuse again and when they unfused they would find themselves in the capsule kitchen surrounded by wet yerba (the plant yknow that maté is) and like sugar and water all over the floor and its a huge fucking mess and there's a maté cup turned over and the thermos is on the floor too and there's a broken glass juice jar with ice that hasn't melted yet and their mouths taste like grass and have no fucking clue what just happened.

They never really find out but they know it must have been bad, absolutely fucking terrible even, and after getting like scolded and made to clean GOTENKS' mess they decide to put their stupid maté aside for GOOD and now they get together to drink it like normal fucking people and now Trunks makes terere for Goten on purpose and he's like "yo dude i made this for you" because he has chilled out (about the maté thing not about anything else) and Goten would be like "haha aww you do give a shit Trunks oh my god" and they would be normal about maté. except not really. because those boys have a primal strangeness to them that i don't think will ever go away, and that's like, awesome i think, it's lovely even.

Anyway that was that but now im thinking about like after this event maybe their families notice that they fucking stopped with the whole "*makes you drink maté* and *EXPLODES YOU WITH MY MIND*" thing and maybe they do like a thing with all the Z fuckos at Bulma's house again like "yeah let's get together and have a drink and hang out why not since these little idiots have finally stopped arguing about the cooler tea" and

i don't fucking know where i was going with this actually i just had two ideas about this possible scenario

Goku and Vegeta attempting to have maté together alongside everyone else and probably fail miserably because they are. them. you know them. Also Goku would probably drink maté with sugar and Vegeta would fucking hate that i think

Yamcha is there.

"Yamcha is there" is open to interpretation but i personally think he would have a look at Trunks preparing the maté and he'd be pleasantly surprised.. Also he's one of those guys that puts extra herbs and stuff on maté like orange peels or a little coffee or sweetens his with burnt sugar caramel....

Yamcha is very gaucho-esque to me in a very special way like he's a lot like Goku in the way they both have this very warm welcoming rural aura to them but Yamcha is more like my grandma that would go to the countryside of Santiago Del Estero and come back with ostrich eggs?? and would make me omelettes with ostrich eggs sometimes?? and let me keep the eggshell and paint it and stuff- Yamcha would do that to trunks he would go to the countryside and be back with something for him and he'd tell him tips about making maté and stories about the animals and stuff cuz i would be like 8 years old and my grandma would be back from Santiago and she'd be like "i killed a chicken :) and we ate it" and i'd be like woow grandma thats so awesome you're so cool and i think Yamcha would be back and he'd be like "Que onda pibe adivina que te traje del campo?"(what's up kid, guess what i brought you from the countryside?) and maybe he'd bring him like-

ONE OF THOSE RED STRING ARTESANAL BRACELETS THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO WARD OFF BAD ENERGY- Yamcha would SO bring Trunks one of those i just know it i feel it

anyway goodnight or whatever time it is there lmao

BLOWN AWAY.

Going in order:

GOTENKS WOULD.

ABSOLUTELY FUCKING EVERYTHING UP..! TRUNKS'S YOUTUBE SEARCH HISTORY , HIS KITCHEN , HIS INTEGRITY, HIS LIFE, ETC ..

It's like Gotenks is a metaphor for whatever potency is occurring between Goten & Trunks, he's a manifestation of their union, and so his life's purpose / natural way is to behave in a manner conducive to the necessary expression & resolution of whatever Goten & Trunks are going through. They both secretly are missing the days when they used to make youtube poops together, and so Gotenks watches that spiderman ytph. Their past maté disagreements are incurring subtle rifts in their bond and the silence regarding is beginning to ache, so Gotenks unwittingly mobilizes to address & negotiate with this distress by trying to make maté POORLY in the capsule kitchen.

"those boys have a primal strangeness to them that i don't think will ever go away, and that's like, awesome i think, it's lovely even." oh my goodness .... Hi. This Is Real

UM GOKU LITERALLY WOULD DO THAT LIKE .. obviously tastes change with age but I'm thinking about how in the original dragon ball he thought that bulma's coffee was "bitter soup" and while I think that Goku is a Classy and Respectable man, and lives life authentically and organically, and probably drinks maté like a proper gaucho, I Would Not Be Surprised if actually he doctored that shit up with sugar .

And Vegeta would be mad no matter WHAT Goku does . He would be like "why do you put sugar in it, kakarot ..!" and then be like "quit hogging it, kakarot..!"

YAMUCHA IS THERE ..

No more words needed form me just reading this over and over and over and over like it's the most important thing in the world (it is)

DOES YAMUHCA COME BACK WITH dinosaur eggs to eat? "I killed a velociraptor. And we ate it :)" "Wow Yamucha you're so cool..."

I really really reaaallly really really LIKE THIS !! I really like the sword pendant becasue it's a universal symbol for clarity and glory and in the context of warding off bad energy it's so .. potent .. like seeing through the smoke and fog and confusion and terror .. and Trunks loves swords

EVERYBODY REBLOG !

[jennycalendar]

hello!!!! things to pontificate about. angel. i would just love to hear your thoughts about angel. and the rest of the fanged four. and know that im waiting for that jennyangel fic i really am. but yes! specifically i would love to hear any thoughts you have on the dynamic of jenny/angel/darla. because i think thats just. yeah. darla created angel and angel is such a huge part of jenny's life, and just. yeah. plus the attitude darla has about her soul is so different from angel's

ok so first of all this is such a hilarious question because -- i need you to know this -- i have a jenny/spike/drusilla vamp polycule fic in the works. so just the energy of you asking me about jenny + how she'd interact with the couple in the fanged four that i am NOT currently drafting a vamp polycule fic for is SOOOO FUNNY and also so wonderful bc it gives me an opportunity to really think here! i love you for this.

long wordy answers under the cut!

my thoughts on angel. hmm. i think i am mean to him a lot on this blog but i hope everyone here knows it's out of love. i think i want to see him and jenny have a Gothic Romance that is really fucked up. i think he and cordelia rewired my brain at 14 and i've never recovered -- there's no other love story with that specific friends-to-lovers energy in the buffyverse, and i LOVE that it grows out of the people we see them grow into! i love that btvs s1 angel and cordelia are not even remotely compatible long-term but ats angel and cordelia develop this incredible friendship that blossoms into a loving connection! and actually maybe a lot of this is just how i'm not normal about angel and cordelia, ever. i think angel on btvs and angel on ats are two different characters so when i'm beating angel on btvs over the head with a stick that has nothing to do with angel on ats and i hope we all know that. world's most favorite manpire. mr. dad. sings barry manilow and wants cordelia to say she loves him as a friend and colleague. is soooo normal.

i don't spend A Lot of time thinking about the fanged four simply because, again, not my circus not my monkeys, but i have a softness for them!!! spike i have mentioned i sorta steer clear of lately, but i would literally fucking kill a man for drusilla, who is done so dirty in canon and fanon alike, and i think all the time about jenny/drusilla because they would be so insanely obsessed with each other as vampires.

and darla...hmm. i have never quite felt like i know how to capture her voice in a way that's particularly nuanced, though that's never been a problem within my writing bc she really only cameos in, like, nocturne for two seconds? i think? i'm not usually writing things set in a time/place where darla would be around so she just kinda never shows up.

iiiii think jenny's take on darla would be one of just intense crushy interest, because darla holds absolute power over the man who has held absolute power over her. like there's something super aspirational about darla to jenny. darla meanwhile would probably initially harbor a lot of resentment towards jenny, but actually getting to know her would probably have her do a complete 180. (i think darla n drusilla would both be super fucking interested in jenny, who grew up in this family surrounded by every reason to hate them and still tried to find a way to forge her own path. they'd want her in the family.)

i also think though that IF turned, IN a situation where darla's still around, jenny and darla would be in a really intense competition for control of the family dynamic that would slowly but surely transition into a really intense romantic connection. so there would be a lot of Romantic Weirdness when it comes to jenny/angel/darla because both of them want his attention, and both of them want each other's attention, and both of them think that they should be the one in charge, and the entire time they're probably both having a lot of fun with it because it's a Sexy Slightly Violent Power Struggle. also angelus likes pretending that he has the capacity to put jenny in her place and jenny likes crushing him under her heel and darla really will look at that situation and go "that is 100 percent my baby girl" (and i do mean that in a sex way.) though i wonder if in this situation drusilla and jenny might have some weird vibes a la jenny and buffy? where there's a lot of similarities and so drusilla has some Older Sister resentment, because SHE had it hard, and now mom and dad know how to parent better and the baby is just getting SPOILED, and how is THAT fair?

[princesable]

wwait please do tell ur issues with omori if u feel like it. as a somewhat omori enjoyer (<omocat sucks) i wanna see others' opinions as well

ok on my puter here u go. im not gonna write out like. an essay im just gonna list things out in bullet points because thats easier for me so sorry if this is hard to read/understand. quick side note i've played this game around 3 times because i love showing it to people so they can get mad about it with me. i feel like this is important because ive like. actually played the game and not pulling all of this out of a cut down letsplay (also just so no one gets mad at me i pirated it) but also my memory is awful. i am planning to play it again and actively take notes so i can write something more coherent. also putting it under a read more because i didnt realize how much i had to say about this

the story sucks tbh. like its an interesting concept that could have been done in an extremely impactful way but i felt nothing. like i didnt care about mari and i didnt care about sunny because he had like. no personality outside of "silent main character everyone likes". like if you dont care about mari the whole story falls apart. it relies very heavily on you caring about the two of them which is FINE but they do a really bad job of making me actually give a shit.

hero got like fucking nothing in the story and that bothers me like. outside of sunny we should have seen how mari's death impacted him the most because. you know. THEY WERE DATING? but we never get to spend time with hero. like all he is is "the nice one" i wish we got to see. anything with him but i swear they just weren't allowed to have him express emotions that werent extremely mild or something. actually now that i think about it it feels like hero was an after thought in like. everything. his dream word ability is barely used and when it is it feels like anyone could have done it. have it literally just be that he can flip switches is stupid. you could remove hero from the game and it would impact nothing.

AUBREYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY the church confrontation scene was like. GENUINELY GOOD? and then after that they just forget to do anything with her. like it pisses me off how that scene was actually good and the only part that genuinely got me to feel anything and then she just gets nothing. like her "bully" scenes are pretty good and i genuinely sympathized with her but it kind of felt like. you werent supposed to? idk if that makes sense because you totally WERE supposed to feel bad for aubrey but having the kel high fives directly after multiple scene where you make her cry felt so. fucking weird. maybe that was the point idk. aubrey's my favorite character i wish omocat knew how to write

SPEAKING OF KEL. I REALLY REALLY DONT LIKE HOW THE GAME TREATS HIM. he's supposed to be the comic relief but like. EVERY joke is either "kel is gross/stupid" or "aubrey is mean to him for no fucking reason" and it gets old really fast because he's just a kid??? like him and aubrey are just mean to each other thats their whole thing which is FINE i GUESS but its not funny?? its just incredibly mean spirited and not fair to him as a character. why couldnt he have just been silly without the game seemingly hating him for trying to have fun. like most of his moveset is based around being annoying its. its weird man idk. also the fact this is a fucking item in the game

when i got this for the first time i put my head in my fucking hands man this sucks.

Basil. basil could have been an EXTREMELY interesting character but hes just so. whiny. it gets old really fast. the final fight with him was pretty good i guess. i dont have much to say about him sadly because i just like. dont remember. nothing with him stuck with me. OH WAIT the black space bit where you repeatedly kill him in extremely gruesome ways was. kind of fucking weird. because hes 10. it was unnecessary like if you REALLY wanted the fact that sunny is trying so hard to repress anything that reminds him of what he did to be represented through basil dying you could have just done it a couple times idk. weird scene.

ok moving on from characters the art is. a lot. its very hard to tell the dream world party members apart because omocat just has really bad same fact syndrome, it doesnt help that they all have the same color palettes. speaking of color palettes why do the overworld sprites white wash kel and hero. its less noticeable with hero but like. come on man its not hard to color pick your own art

still on the art the fact everything moves is fun in concept but REALLY distracting in execution. theres been multiple fights (specifically sweetheart, the king crawler and humphrey) where i've gotten awful headaches and had to take a break because i felt sick from all the movement lol. also the animation for releasing energy does NOT help who thought making the screen shake that much was a good idea dear god. like seriously this game needs to have some kind of warning

using sweetheart as an excuse to talk about how the dream world its such a fucking slog. i UNDERSTAND the point is that sunny is doing everything in his power to not reach the truth so he creates roadblocks but oh my goddddddd its so annoying to constantly have the plot take a backseat so we can go to a wedding or go to a casino or GO IN THAT STUPID FUCKING WHALE. the fact that there is a fucking mod that removes the humphrey segment should say enough. like that part in particular was soooooo fucking bad. its so boring. the humphrey fight has THREE FUCKING PHASES. I DONT KNOW WHO THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA BUT THEY SHOULD BE KILLED. ITS AN AWFUL EXPERIENCE

the emotion system is an interesting idea but i wish they did more with it. once you figure out that everyone has one theyre best with you stop playing with them. it stopped being fun to battle because its just make aubrey angry -> make sunny sad -> make kel happy -> have hero do fucking nothing -> hit them. idk maybe they could have had like. special emotions for boss fights?? im not sure how that'd work but i wish they added little twists every now and then to keep all the battles from feeling the same.

the real world isnt much better honestly. all the aubrey shit made me angry and the battles are so weirdly unfair its just not fun. like it doesnt penalize you for losing real world battles but its like. idk they suck. also the fact it doesnt tell you food doesnt heal you in the real world fucked me up when i first played because i was so used to the dream world i spent all my money on soda and then spent the entirety of the real world on like 1 hp i cant add spoilers on tumblr so animal harm/death and suicide warning for this next part. if you dont want to read that theres nothing else after it so youre good to just stop reading now

i dont like the black space. like i briefly went over it in the basil segment but it left such a bad taste in my mouth. especially the part where you are seemingly "forced" to cut your fucking cat open as it begs you to free it and the only way to not hurt it is to kill yourself?? ok.

speaking of which the fact the only way to leave the dream world and wake up is to kill yourself complete with a little sound effect is weird to me. idk man omori is 10 im not exactly keen on watching a child kill himself several times.

honestly the games handling of suicide is gross to me. obviously i dont think you should never talk about suicide i think its a very important topic but they way its handled in omori is almost. glorified? idk if that the right word. omori/sunny can kill himself so many times in this game and i just found that a little weird. also basil can kill himself and you can see his body just. sitting there. ok im running out of writing steam if i think of anything else i'll make another post or you have any follow up questions let me know im gonna go watch scott the woz

[walnutcookie]

if ur listing headcanons what about pv and almond family headcanons. I mean I already know most of it but I think there should be a comprehensive post explaining it all

shit okay this one is gonna be a Doozy

i cant rlly compile them into a list so im just gonna explain things . First is the more serious side

almond is pvs son ! biological son! this came out of a crack fic and then i decided that it is so canon and true . (to clarify i know this in no way is canon but my fanon is silly and i can do wharever the fuck i want)

his mom, hazelnut cookie (my oc) met and married pv and almond was born,, thing is she lives in parfaedia as a detective/wizard and she doesnt want to quit her job to be queen So she takes almond (pv is too busy to really take care of him all too well) and they agree to visit pv every week or so but i dont rlly feel like explaibing in detail rn tbh basically hazelnut and pv drift apart and get divorced and almond sees his dad less and less . And kind of starts to hate him more because when he DOES visit pv is too busy to really spend any quality time with him like things always seem to come up at the worst of times plus hazelnut likes to talk shit about the kingdom sometimes so almond doesnt like his father very much.

For his 21st birthday they went to the pv kingdom to celebrate and it was just . An overwhelming disaster and thats also the reason why almond doesnt drink ! shortly after his mom died thanks to a parfaedia institute student named blueberry scone cookie (another oc) and pv Tried to help by inviting him to the kingdom to live but his letter just made almond furious and he ripped it into shreds and hasnt seen pv since . Pv disappeared after the dark flour war soon after so it wojldnt have helped much anyways

ok now for the joke part

the day before almond was born pv had a dream and garfield the cat told him that the next day he would have a child on the garfield dark ride who would come out as transmasc later in their life (almond is afab CRY ABOUT IT) and then he wakes up in a cold sweat and tells hazelnut about his dream

thr next morning they go to oncel3rland and bring the easy bakr oven onto the garfield dark ride (cookie sex does not exist in my universe) and almond cookie is born !!!! pv wants to name him garfield but hazelnut threatened divorce so instead they went with Almond J. Cookie (almond jon cookie)

pv just starts refferijg to almond as a guy from day one and it pisses hazelnut off so bad until he comes out in the child switch room in the mummy ride at universal studios and also all of the ancients still call him garfield becquse pv insists thats his name . Now anything garfield related gives almond traumatic flashbacks and he will explode into tears at the sight of an orange lasagna loving cat

almond is the garfield prophet for the garphecy

walnut is called garfield ii by the ancients

and then he dies on silver bullet at knotts berry farm after his seatbelt comes off on the ride . Have a nice day

(based off of my own experience where my seatbelt came off during the ride)

[blorbou]

1 6 10 17 for orv? (<- guy who is refraining from sending the whole list) 🤔

1- the character everyone gets wrong

hmmm id say dokja and yjh... ppl who really love other characters usually understand them pretty well!! KDJ n YJH become a big issue in this fandom because of how fucking popular they are, especially together. yjh for me is mostly because they take away a lot from her character, making her a cardboard cutout ( ex. the grumpy one who is secretly a baby) and i DESPISE how so many ppl think his character is centered around kdj only.there is also this. growing trend of people woobifying him in a way thats like weirdly ableist to me and i fuckingHATE IT SO MUCH!!!!!! Now when it comes to dokja the complaints get very personal because yknow. hes the reader. its ok to project on him how you like. but i find it SO. FUCKING TASTELESS!!!!!! i dont like how hes presented in the manhwa at all for example and i have a grudge against ppl who draw him very conventionally pretty. when people talk about the way he Cares it feels so shallow and it just Annoys tf out of me (sorry for sounding pretentious bc im not explaining myself clearly)....

6- which ship fans are the most annoying?

the answer here is obvious... joongdok...(for reasons i said above + i hate hsy exclusion + yoohankim throuple better) i have a very special hatred for the ones that wanna die on the "non-reversible" side too (but this ones also an irrational opinion that i have). AND SPOD. FUCK. they say that OD is millions of years old which sure. chronologically (which even then. not exactly true!!! if youve read orv youll know that as the oldest dream time flows in a way that cant be exactly "percieved" despite the wall just giving u a close number) + OD IS CANONICALLY. MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY A CHILD. THEY DISCUSS ON WHOS GOING TO HIS PARENT MEET OR WHATEVER. AT SCHOOL!!!!!!! THATS A KID!!!!!!!!! and if u explain that to them they hit you with the "let people ship what they want, its fiction!" which. what the fuck ever....... i always block these ppl for my own sanity.

10- worst part of fanon

i guess... mischaracterization??? i also dislike how everything is sooo centered around kdj & yjh (ITS GETTING BETTER THO!). i dont like when people insist on jhw and hsy are kdj's siblings. or when they make hsy a thirdwheel. complicated stuff going on here hrmmmmm...

17- there should be more of this type of fic/art

i want more fucked up existential fics. need them so bad. urm..more fics without ships, i especially would love to read stuff with more worldbuilding or writing WOS scenes :3 when it comes to art i just need more yhk and soohee art. im fucking desperate actually like if i had money id spend 3/4 on soohee/yhk commissions On my balls

[aromanticle]

i just got out of the shower and i have some thoughts to share about something that happened a few days ago

i went, with my sister, to see a psychiatrist. i didnt really want to do that cause deep down i just know that nothing a third party could ever do would truly help me in any way and the only person who can change the way i do things is myself, but that brief period i had with her actually did open my eyes. just not in a good way.

no one irl knows this but i actually have talked to a therapist online for a few months though one of those mental health related apps, a few times for free and i paid two dollars twice which actually ends up being not so cheap for me lol but i stopped because of something that was said to me. the person i talked to seemed to actually pay attention to what i said and she'd always tell me that the main problem i have in life in executive dysfunction which is very accurate. i dont actually know if the people the app provides are licensed or not and idk how trustworthy this all is but i actually feel like i had a positive experience with it for the most part. of course theres not much one can do when i only call them to talk about things that frustrate me and things i wish i could change about myself once every two weeks but at least i felt like there was someone out there who actually understands what i have to say.

my sister and i sat in front of a psychiatrist and told her we wish our mother actually gave a shit about us and did something to help her children have a better life instead of spending the day on her phone and guess what she said? "you cant change her, deal with it"

we were just around 10 minutes into our time together and my sister brought up concerns she had about me and she basically dismissed it completely, saying "but you dont have this trait" that someone would only know if they actually knew me when she had barely even talked to me at all. i always felt like i struggle with certain things that she said i have no problem with when she simply does not know me even a little bit at all. she just heard a couple things about me and assumed i am someone im not.

i said "i actually went back to school because i wanted to avoid trouble with my mom, not because i wanted to" and what she heard was "i loved going back to school". i said i used to want to be a literature professor and what she heard is "i like reading". my sister said i go to sleep too late (which is only partially correct) and she said "ok, i'll give you this so you can sleep"

i told her i gave up on the idea of being a teacher when i was 15 because i know how hard it would be to get there and thats not even what i want to do and she said "well this is a generation thing" like the reason i didn't pursue a goal i knew would lead me nowhere is because im a tiktok brained little gen z child that doesnt want to put effort into things that take time ???????? my dream is to star in a musical, i just dont have the means to do that. i know i dont. im never gonna have what i truly want so i can only chase after these smaller little things i could feasibly do but they dont last long. i know i'll never be happy as a teacher, not even as a literature professor, that's why im not gonna even try. i know this is gonna take years and im not even gonna be satisfied when i get there. im not gonna waste my time and money doing something i only kind of wanted to do, i shouldnt even have brought that up but we were talking about teaching and jobs and i thought it was appropriate to mention i once wanted to teach. not anymore.

i said i changed schools a lot. i liked the first school i went to, but my mom put me in a public school in third grade because well. it doesn't cost anything. but i hated going there because i couldn't get used to it. my mom then put me in a different school. i hated going there because i couldn't get used to it, but i knew if i said that to my mom she'd get mad. when i was in seventh grade my mom "threatened" to take me out of the school because of my grades and because i put no effort into my studies at all (because i hated going to school) so she put me back into a different school. i didnt like going there because i couldn't get used to it but i knew there was nowhere else for me to go. then i finally got to actually choose which school i was going to when i changed schools for the last time for high school. i went with a friend, so i assumed it would be easier. i hated going there. it was only at the end of my third year there that i thought "actually, i like this school. i wish i didnt change schools in third grade and stayed right here". and the psychiatrist said "you changed schools a lot so you clearly don't have a problem adapting to new environments". #girl you have talked to me for a grand total of 7 minutes.

i'm supposed to go back there and talk to her again in less than 30 days now and i am dreading the day i have to open my mouth and say a word to that woman again. i'd rather have my sister go alone or my mom or someone else and talk about me, i think i would be more helpful than if i go there and try to explain myself just for her to misunderstand everything i have to say.

[outpost-31]

SYMPATHY FOR AKIRA NYOW (FOR THE ASK GAME ZNSNNS)

WAHH EXPLODES

ok I don't know if you mean in my fic or not or just regular. HOWEVER I'm gonna go for my fic considering theyre basically the same person it's just the events that are different

Sympathy.. God theres alot to go for here isn't there. okk more sad akira ^_^ I'll make some happy though dw .

Because of his self-perception, at times, sympathy towards him almost disgusts him. He can't exactly understand WHY, but it's just something that's happened. You know how when somebody breaks a limb, everybody fawns over them for a few weeks until they're healed, and then they're promptly forgotten about the second people don't have anything to coddle anymore?

That's how he tends to interpret most sympathy. Especially when he was a teenager, but.. In a way, now, it's almost worse sometimes. Chapter 15.. See, when you perceive yourself as great, the way he does, with his drive and passion..

When he was a kid, people showing him that kindness sometimes annoyed him. It almost felt condescending, hurtful, like they viewed him with the deep internal pain he didnt want anybody to see because he Isn't Weak. Treating him like a baby because of his situation, because of everything, like he wasn't the most talented of them all.

Seeing him with that weakness he wanted to bury? He hated it. It made him sick. Being treated like a pet, wrapped in bubble wrap as though he didn't need everything to stay the same to understand it all.

It's part of the reason he drove people away, actually. When they valued his talent more than him, if he didn't play it up or tell them to fuck off, there were always sympathetic stares he couldn't take. Because he was great, and the fact they were ignoring that killed him.

It's different now, ofcourse. Learning to actually BOND with people made sure of that. He can take it now- ironically, he almost craves it. He knows the people close to him wouldn't see him that way. Sitting down on the arm of Rohan's chair grumbling when something bad happens, listening to him laugh over it with him.. THATS what actually made him feel better .

He doesn't care for expression through words, in some ways. Touch has always been more important to him in alot of cases- analyzing lyrics has always been his thing, writing them for his songs felt even deeper, but.. When it comes to real interaction he always spends far too long thinking. Trying to come up with what to say, especially with strangers. That's why in the past, in his times of misery, he accepted that touch he was offered from Rohan because he truly needed it over words of sympathy that didn't land. Why he offers the same so often . Just embraces, even casually, feel like so much more.

Though, that could just be an impact on him from the way his body was destroyed when he got his scars. Losing so much touch, to the point it mattered so much more when he finally felt it.. Kind words more than fuel his ego, but sweet touches actually nurture his soul.

stares at otherside chapter and cemeteries

I think I went on a tangent. Regardless. He's learned to be kind to and care for people now, but he hates doing it with words unless there's no other option. It's always been touch, action, because alot of the way he expresses himself is physical.. His outfits, the intensity with which he plays his music. does that make sense?

That's why, actually, he more plays songs for people when they're upset. It's something he's truly good at and knows how to do, and writing lyrics is much easier for him than expressing empathy through half-assed words.. Well, if he likes you, maybe he'll practice a song for you. There's one he listened to for weeks on end to learn by ear when the album came out, specifically to play for Rohan, because he'd said (sarcastically) that it was his favourite track he'd heard so far.

It did end up being his favourite.

[evanthefunky]

Some of the things that made me 🤌feel something✨ in Stranger Things s4 that definitely weren't supposed to: (kinda began to rant/ramble, but im funny so you should still read it)

- as a part of the "I watch everything with subtitles" gang, the amount of goofy description subtitles is bonkers. In a good way- i, too, would describe that sound as squelching, but that, like, implies wetness? Must one put "squelches wetly" ??? Also, the amount of "eldritch" as a descriptor. Jeez. You know you can say "weird", "sinister", or "ghastly", right? I mean, ok, sinister is used. But like yo. My favorite subtitle has been "eldritch thrumming".

- Henry/Vecna/One/Orderly's timeline. (More below cut)

I dont know how old we're assuming he is, since I haven't finished episode 9 (ITS TWO HOURS AND FUCKING 22 MINUTES THAT IS SO GODDAMN FUCKING ABSURD) so idk if there's been clarity but like. One looks not a day over 25 in 1983 which is when I assume El escapes the lab. But Jamie was probably 28-31 when filming the show, since he's 33, as of when I searched him last night. And Two looks MAAAAAYbe fuckn 17, more likely 14/15. So like. How old was Henry when he committed the murders, how old was he when he became One, how old was he when he became an orderly instead, how old was he when he became Vecna??? EXPLAIN TO ME.

- while I'm thinking about it. This . Is a goddamn. Television show. Right? I grew up in the golden days (everyone romanticized their childhood experiences, im no exception, yes this is a huge generalization and recognize for yourself if you agree with this and please just let me continue, im feeling cynical toward myself) where something called Television (or TV) shows had seasons of about 20 episodes at least, and each episode was anywhere between 20-45 minutes. And. It worked great. Sure, without commercials, you have to fill a whole half/full hour of content, but like. Tv shows these days... I dont remember the last one I watched that was from these days that was longer than 10 episodes, if it even reached that! If each fucking episode of ST had an outrageous budget of like 3something MILLION dollars....... don't u think u could. Chop it up a little bit. ? Each episode is literally already episodic. Plenty of places to cut and make a new episode. Is it because you're afraid of losing attention? Babes, i wouldn't have even watched the show if it hadn't been for an edit of the characters. Sure, maybe im in the minority. But like. God, this show is so fucking long. I've already watched 10 hrs of content for a TV show and you're asking me to spend 2:22 hrs more??????????? Bruh. Split that shit into at least 2 episodes. What.

- this is kinda at fandom, kinda at the d bros- I was led to believe Eddie was in this show waaaaay more than he actually is. He's. Hes barely in this show, and he's certainly not as interesting as im led to believe. Nor is Robin, but that's for another point. Well actually,

- the script does not do right by Robin and Eddie. I believe they are played by good actors! I have no reason to not believe that. Theyre putting their hearts into their jobs here, so props to Maya and Joe. But like. They have the weakest, most obviously quippy lines that simply aren't delivered well. Robin seems to be an afterthought even if a lot of her storyline is kinda spotlit. Honestly, thats the most well done part of her character, and I hate to say that, bc queer people are more than our love lifes or lack thereof! But the rest of her outside wanting to be with a girl is made to be this typical against the grain ~girl~ who doesn't like feminine clothes and can't walk in heels, etc. She feels like all the cliches of a typical anti-main girl and put lesbian on top as a cherry. It just feels weak and like a little over the top. To be clear, I'm not saying she shouldn't be a lesbian. Also, I understand that I wasn't around in the 80s, and I dont know what someone had to do to be obvious to other queers but not obvious to non-queers. But it feels like a disservice or not as well done as it could be. And Eddie... kinda has the same amalgamation of pile of labels. Metal head, dnd dm, guitarist, has charisma but will run at the first sign of danger, also a fan favorite of queer fans (possibly projecting). There's more to each of these characters, but it feels like they, with all this potential, max out the space theyre in and one of them (if theyre in the same scene) has to be chosen over the other. Its just a disservice. It really isn't even a surprise to me, as we close out episode 8, that Eddie doesn't matter ultimately to the story except to be a sacrifice. Theres not growth or development beyond him deciding to not run anymore. Joe's voice may be music, but the lines that seem most genuine to Eddie are improvised rather than written. Which is not !!!!! A!!!!! Good!!!! Sign!!! *sigh*. Anyway I think im done about them. They just feel like they take up as much space as they can and are still flat. They have lots of facets as interesting character with the potential to be more, but either the performances of the written script or the boundaries of it limit people I imagine could actually be pretty fucking good.

- maybe its because I never have, but like, my god, I dont care about the adults storyline. Since season 1, I have skipped nearly every scene for the adults, simply because I could not bother. Part of the reason I started s4 was for the actor of Anatov- I think this actor is neat and I've liked his other two characters I've seen (from Game of Thrones and Jack Ryan). So hearing that he was in s4 was cool, but since he's attached to Hopper's storyline, its hard to really give a shit. Also, his directing and line delivery hasn't been very great. His physical choices made... I feel like they are unrealistic? I just. I like him because I like the actor and I like that he isn't a total dick, but I also don't care to worry about Hopper's storyline, so I dont watch it much. When the stakes are low, I wish they weren't made out to be life or death when Hopper just needs to figure out his development without getting to do a lot of action, and you're golden, and dont need to watch any more. Sure, its neat, but I know that Hopper and Joyce and Murray are gonna be fine, so like.... whats the point. You're not making me care any more about these characters. Altho Murray is indeed funny as hell, God bless.

- I do love the music and score of this season. Its very in tuned with itself, it knows what stranger things sounds like. And so that remix of the Journey song at the end of episode 8 was 1000% a banger and so cool because already its a cinematic, iconic song, but then you mix it to fit better with your over-arching shows score and. God, it sounds so cool!!!!

- steve and Eddie's dynamic. Fandom does exaggerate their relationship a little bit, but not really in a way thats too far-reaching. I think, mostly, that the duffer bros were too scared or didn't even think to see it as queer, even if Joe was exuding charm from his pores and confirming with fans that he was being a little flirty. Now, of course, it may have partially been a lie to appease fans and audiences. But like also. I see where people are putting on their "I see gay" goggles. Maybe I pause the show too much to laugh or ramble frustratedly at the content, but its. Idk. Not really what I see.

Ultimately, I probably harmed my own viewing experience with my decision to see the show as like. Entertainment because its already bad, not really giving much room to be impressed or emotionally influenced. Or maybe I'm just feeling cynical today. Don't know. Either way, par for the course, im disappointed in a show I dont really care that much about. Is that more commentary on me, or culture saying "oh its popular you HAVE to watch it", or my falling into fomo or just wanting to watch something to feel anyrhing..... idk. Hopefully the finale is interesting. I'll probably watch most of it- even the adult storyline scenes.

But I dont have much hope or grace left for it.

[mean-hare]

ed diary, p.8

december, 1 i just saw a writing on the wall, it says "yora you are not bad. -paulo"

december, 2 i walked again. i found many unknown markets and one very weird place with houses, it looks empty and dreamlike, dejavu-ed estate. and the weather was fine, cold and dry. yellow plattenbaus and birches. many new sweets and drinks, cheap tea and two clippers with dogs (it was too hard to choose). it was mostly a good day.

december, 3 stayed at house. ate some cookies leftovers, drank lowcal monster ale. watched few films, drawed few dogboys. going to drink milktea and sleep. headache.

december, 4 we had a night conversations with paulo i mean he tried to expain me some sociology basics but he was a lil high an i was just as always. he drawed simplest schemes with funny men and we spend some time just laughing because of these men. then he tried to continue explaining but his next doodle looked like a bunny head (at least for me)and i decided that this is a bunny arsonist and i repeated the bunny arsonist phrase to paulo and something about arson…. i forgot everything he tried to explain, i remember only the bunny… morning was drilled and i splent time in malls again. i bought drinks, chips and kinder surprise with discount of course. i get the toy white bunny. it was the bunny arsonist itself.

december, 5 it was very fuck! i hate countryside even more now! it started up like simple walk through the village part of. it was even ok, i saw some good ruins and some old houses. but then i dont know how but i found myself walking in some wild fields near the highway. absolutely, completely far from my part of city or even from the city itself. i walk some time thru these dust-covered weeds in direction of kobylisy (name of my part of a city) but the highway was neverending and impossible for me to cross the road (of course, fuck, thats obvious! i even thought to cross the road in the stupid way to just run to the other side in random place ) but it was impossible to do without get injured. i found some mall and circled around to find some cross-walks or signs of where to go or idk even what i wanted to found. i didnt even enter the mall because sky becames dark and i thought that its late evening and i shouldnt lose more time (actually it was 5 pm). somebody may think "man, are you stupid? use your phone, look on map!" well, my phone is OLD, it have buttons. it DOESNT open maps in the web, it just cant! guys also temporary gave me their phone but when i tried to open a map it suddenly switch off without a reason. when i tried to turn it on it asks me a password which i didnt remember and card with password written on it was at home. also i didnt have enough money to call the guys. it was fucked up situation, yeah. i also should say that im like that NOT because i lived in ukrainee most of my life. most of ukrainian that under their 40 have modern phones and know how to deal with modern gear. i realy dont know whats wrong with me… finally i went to that unknown city part that looked almost like mine (the same plattenbau). i asked young couple passing by how to get to kobylisy and they said that i have to take the bus to (name of citypart is forgotten) on the nearest stop and then go to a subway and then took a train to kobylisy. i asked abot a way to go there on foot and they said that it will be too long. oh.. near the bus stop i asket girls passing by if buses from this stop going to kobylisy. they said yes. when the passed me i turned around andsaw that they laughted like crazy when thought that i dont look, obvious because of me. maybe im looking like fucked up ragamuffin after fucked up walk? moybe my accent sounds too freaky? maybe its because an "emo" badge attached to my coat (idk why but some people find it funny)? or maybe rhey lied to me????!!!! i asked the same question about bus stop boys passing by. they said yes. they also laughed a little. i took a bus and realized that i DONT know how to PAY. i saw a gear that people use to pay (i guess) but i didnt understand how it works, i never saw it before, i guess i need a working phone, to scan some code or something. and i didnt ask other passengers how to do it because i had enogh of people who laugh at me. so i didnt pay. subway was more easy. i asked some old man in hat if this train goes to kobylisy, he said yes (and didnt laugh after that) and i took that train. i didnt pay again. the trai was almost empty and finally i felt calm and comfort.

december, 6 walked not too far from house, only in known areas. im enough with it. i didnt tell the guys about yesterday. i dont think i need to do it.

december, 7 i walked out a little in the evening to buy sweets and to stare at moon (beautiful, colorful).paulo was sleeping almost all day. he is doing this often. id like to sleep as many time as him but i cant. maybe he thinks that im not depressed because i walk almost every day. beside most of the days i walk because of drills, not because i want to. and i cant sit on the bench all day, its too cold and sad.

december, 8 i walked in more unfamiliar direction but quickly found my way out before getting lost. took some pics of abandoned places.

december, 9 we went to some farther place at night to buy cigarettes. guys wanted to smoke and i was just as company for them. their aim shop was closed so they bought it in random chinese market. they also bought spicy chips and iced coffee. masha drank coffee, me and paulo shared chips. we walked and talked on some almost phylosofical and intelectual themes (but with shit bc paulo like to talk about shit, dirt and all like this). when we were almost home paulo/i/we made masha sad and angry on me/him/us and i didnt understand why shes sad or because of who and what. looks like because of him. he tried to cam her at home. i also tried to but i said something stupid or irrelevant and was ashame (at least i think so, they didnt response) so i better just shut up and make tea

december, 10 everything was hard. i coldnt go in web. i was tired of living with people who behave like i shouldnt be here. i hate to not understand anything and being said "you are old enough, you should do it yourself". i tired of being so lonely, pathetically lonely, very lonely… i was mad again. cryed and screamed that i hate everything and want to die. masha was angry at me because i scream, she always hates when somebody screams. but i just couldnt keep myself quiet. paulo said thad if want to die then ok but i need to move somewhere else to not make dirt in this house bc they dont want to clean it up. i screamed that i tried to kill myself before but i faied. he said that it means that i didnt try hard enought and something like this, i tried to argue with him but it was hard to crying and talk normally. masha said him that sometimes you want to die but not to kill yourself, you want to dissappear. well they also tried to calm me. masha gave me some pill they take to feel better. i stopped to cry but i was not feeling better, maybe even worse, im not sure. they also took me outside, bc paulo decided that i need to go to a forest nearby to scream there but i became unable to scream for some reason. and also i never feel comfortable to scream in the forest (and just to be in the forest). anyway i lied on dirty concrete and didnt wanted to move. when im like this my brain is splitting and go out of my body. theres me, im acting stupid, bad and loud. and theres also second me that observes it and thingking about how its stupid and miserable and ugly it looks, but unable to stop it, like its not me. at night i bought the bus ticket back to ukraine. it was a little impulsive. many of my deeds are very impulsive and rush even if i think about it a lot beforehand

december, 11 i packed my things (including that bull scull that was heavy and took up many space in my bagpack). yesterday i asked masha to lead me to that bus. i knew i cant ask paulo about it, he would say that i should do it myself and its all my problems. today he was just sleeping all day long. she helped me and i grateful her for it. my thoughts about people change often but today i think that she is very good. she said that it will be more empty without me in part of room near the battery. we apologized about things that we did or didnt to each other. i said that i really thought that moving out of ukraine will help, will change someting but i cant face all that by myself and found that i need much more help that they can required. it was the first time i went by long-distance bus all by myself, without parents, siblings or any unfamiliar people. i ate wafers, listened to my music in earphones. i didnt want to run down my phone (there was no charging) but ukrainian drivers have awful habit to put on veeeery awful low-quality ukrainian pop-folk 'music' (its probably the worst kind of ukrainian music). there was not many ppl in bus and one of them was young boy nearby, not beautiful or interensting or something, he was like something calming, i looked at him sometimes and was "he is looking thru the window, ok" or "he is sleeping" and it didnt mean nothing, it was ok. sometimes bus stopped on a gas stations and i was always the first to run to the toilet and back bc i still have some fear of missing out the bus. sometimes it was so beautiful outside, so snowy.

december, 12 i felt that im in ukraine and it was in a bad way. women in bus was arguing, thats awful. i wanted to sleep so bad. at the border i drank an energy drink and all the looong way to the snow and dirt covered station i wanted to pee. at my ukrainian flat i was still bad. arguing neighbors, annoying grandpa, blackouts, everything annoying. i cried in my dark room. the only good here is my toys and my old dog. but everything is still bad and fucked up. i hate to live here in this country. my mom made apple pancakes and i ate too many. i really wanted to eat pancakes

december, 13 i bought some junkfood but ate it not that fast and mindless as always, i think thats a good sign. i also did few posts in few tumblr blogs and watched misfits. i enjoy this show and i like rudi. he is awful guy so i dont really know why i like him i colored my drawings and listened to some music and felt kind of helplesness and something like what baby feels when its all alone in big dark house. it was only for a second. i feel this sometimes, i dont like this feeling.

december, 14 just a stupid day of binge on stupid cheese. mom is in hospital, dad came lately. actually i can purge most of the time but i dont want to, it doesnt really helps i didnt mention a problem with electricity in ukraine. theres a shedule hangs in the hallway that says in which hours of each day of week the light is present or absent. in no light hours most markets are closed. i have a candle and a lamp which charges but its not longlasting. dark hours of evening or night are the worst, very boring and dull. some of times i munch on sweets or other food "as a passtime activity", i can also ruin my eyes by drawing or reading in dim light of candle. at least i have a lot of books.

december, 15 another day in which i woke up at 16, bought and ate many sweets(at least it was less than 2000kcals) i found that my sister annoys me even more than before, just by her existing. also she looks very boring and plain now. she had bright dyed hair, pierced face and more alt clothes just a few month ago

december, 16 breakfast was at 5 pm, it was a pack of cream cookies i bought yesterday. was tasty. network was very bad but i talked with dani. he said that he got a girlfriend since this autumn. i was shocked. but it can explain his rudeness toward me in some times. i still love him. and i dont know who i envy more: him or his girlfriend. im in very bad state now, physically and mentally. i felt nauseous and still feel. and everything became much more annoying. i watched svankmayer's movie "lunacy" and all the time i wanted to hug the main character, jean. he was beautiful and his eyes was tired and scared. perhabs its not good pick for tonight, i felt like i want to vomit and almost bringed back bulimic tendencies. right after that i watched horror about werwolf to not tinking about my life. but now i dont know what to do, i dont feel like sleeping now. i thougt "why he is loving everybody but me" and "why is everybody find their love but me". and then i thought that my thoughts are stupid and my feelings are patethic. and then i thought that i should spend more time with my imaginary friends. and, if possible, watch more movies to distract myself from everything. im feelin bad. and still nauseous

december, 17 im ignoring my stomachache and nausea. and headache and unexplained yearnings make them duller. i eat and sleep and spend time in the same state in the same dirty den room day by day, indifferent and dazed by my indifference.

december, 18 theres tradition to give presents at night of 18-19 of december, especially for little children (its like santa's gifts in west countries). in my childhood i got big fancy bag with toys or something else, beautiful box of sweets, tangerines and always buncg of sticks as a traditional 'gift' for 'bad' kids (like charcoals in the sock in western countries). today my gift was just a paper bag with bag of chips, few 'healthy' bars and bag of nuts.and of course it led me to binge

december, 19 i didnt sleep at all and in my semiconscious mind came an idea to go to a supermarket. mom was glad and said to buy cat food for ronald and dishwashing liquid. i went to first market and bought a big bottl of energy. and hard candies with caffeine. and chips. and cat food but not that kind that mom asks. in second market i bought chips (again? again!) and even bigger bottle of pepsi black and something else just the same in pointless. i forgot now what i bought. i only remember that i couldnt pay with card for a minute bc i put it up to the screen with wrong side. maybe i should follow a new rule: dont go shopping when sleepless

december, 20 i decided to spend money tomorrow bc it brings me fun and i am lack of fun. i couldnt sleep almost all night long bc i drank an energy drink from a bottle i bought yesterday bc it was the nearest liquin here. i slept for maybe 4 hours. and i still find a time for overeating. my lifestyle is really overfucked chaotic.

december, 21 first of all i went to more expensive mall with many cans and bottles (mostly booze but not only). i bought 5 (or 6?) expensive (even with discount) caffeinated drinks (no booze), and also cookies and lion bar bc they were good and cheap. i wonder what the cashier boy thought about me and my purchase. second market was much cheaper and i bought some sweet shit and 2 more cans while forgot about what i really needed to buy. i was looked like a fucked up and drunk while going 'home', my fauxfurcoat was slipped off my shoulder and mind was hazy. i really need more sleep. now its evening, no electricity again, 5 unopened energy drink cans and few untouched green or black tea mugs on table, cookies and bar are also left for tomorrow. im glad i didnt eat all at once even in this semiconscious state!

december, 22 breakfast: energy drinks and cookies. lunch: lion coconut bar and another energy drink. i felt asleep early (at 1 am, thats early for me) but woke up at 5 am and couldnt fall asleep again so i consume my caffeine and hope for nothing. im feeling very bad, like im going to throw up or faint all the time. i guess its too much caffeine. so pity. i have new black teas i want to taste but i guess its not a good idea. im trying to draw ant to write and my caffeine restlessness is a little annoying but some pieces of creations are not that bad.

december, 23 i finished watching 'misfits' and started to watching 'brassic'. i found that i often have the main characters face expression, the what-a-fuck-is one. i ate just a liiiiitle too much bread with cream cheese. the fridge is full of cheese (my dad is great cheeselover) but i craved only for that one creamy kind, the cheapest (and, as i gladly realized lately, the lowest in calories)

december, 24 maybe i really have a problem with my overeating and hopoholism. i think about it often and im sure that therapy wouldnt help. i know why i do what i do. its all about loneliness. and admiration seeking. like im going out, walked the streets like a king, like the icon. people staring at me suspicious, they think im a kook and maybe they envy because theres not so many vivid genderfucking stylish guys in this ex-ussr hole. i walking to the market because i cantt stand to walk aimlessly, i should have a destination. id be rather go on bus to some friends house at the citys edge, id drink their cheap tea and listening their stories and wathing movies or walking with them but i have no friends here and nobody to go to. and im choosing what to buy. im pretending as if its an important decision, like my decision is really makes sense. and then im sitting in my room and eat all that things like a 'normal' man who loves to be big and full, like i have no ed and just enjoy my food and my life, as if its something to be enjoyed!

december, 25 they say its good to write few good things that happened today and to write that everyday. i thought that i have to try it but i failed bc there was no good things and yesterday was also free from good things

december, 26 i dont remember what was on this day but im sure i ruined it. id remember if there was something good, goodnes is rare for me

december, 27 its the end of a day, what more can i say? its a song by manes. love this song. so what to say? fuck everything.

december, 28 i was willing to whine everybody about how shitty this new year will be for me and how sad am i but nobody gives a fuck. people hate to listen to me. i get it, i hate to listen to myself even more. its time to continue my lifelong distraction.

december, 29 i found few places full of new energy drinks and spend so much of money on them. at evening one of the neighbors suddenly started to drill. i ran out and walked the streets. at first i didnt feel too bad about it. i walked the gloomy streets, swinged on swings like an iconic emokid, sang some songs with stupid voice. but then i became thirsty and annoyed by phone's low battery, and very cold. i walked in markets, spent money again on the stupid overpriced things but didnt get any warmer and nothing helped me with thirst.

december, 30 i bringed my little plastic pine tree from the balcony and putted on some plastoc balls on it. now it stands on a floor with many other random items and i dont even pretending that i have a holiday mood. but i wanted to do it.

december, 31 fuck it im leaving the 2022

[donotlookatmyface]

10.05.22 - 1 : 17 p.m.

i have been semi-active in dating apps, its been about a week or two since i downloaded and updated info in them. i havent met up with anyone, no one im honestly that i share common interest with. there is ALOT of non binary people so i thought that was kinda funny. at work i was talking to a coworker about dating, him telling me about his dating life and how theres certain problems now that hes in his 30′s. ideally,  you would want to put all your eggs in one basket but, at the end of the day some things arent communicated with the other party and you can just end up worse, feeling like you wasted time. thats when it hit me that i am alone. i know i am “healing” and “finding myself” but i am alone. no one to share my rants with, i dont have a connection and i feel inadequate. i have overwhelming dreams of sex and how i would imagine what sex is like. i try not to masturbate since theres no satisfaction, nor will sex give it to me. i know im only 21, but even my parents ask about dating, “what ever happened to jellyfish?” / “you should go to <insert our country> and find you someone!” / “you should look for someone older” which i know it shouldn't bother me, and i do think i would want to marry someone with the same nationality as me since it would be easier for my family and keep in touch with my culture and all that. 

for whatever reason i always, always expect to meet ‘the one’ when i get on dating apps, but honestly no one seems to like me. i dont know if its because im not extremely either feminine or masculine, im guessing my short hair isnt as appealing as it is compared to when i had longer hair, my personality or just my looks. no one really answers to texts, no one talks to me or seems at all that interested in holding conversation. maybe i look to plain and dont want to smoke weed. 

i should be grateful that i dont have any issues but, my closest friends, in relationships, serious relationships. two of them are getting married and i plan to at least go to the court, they seem to be really happy together and honestly compliment each other, and obviously do actually love/care about each other. 

i feel as if in a stump. there is not much i do, not many people i see, not clear ambitions, and simply feel plain. i know i will be in the future thinking how this was just a weird feeling i had for a couple months years ago, but i get to be dissatisfied in the time i am experiencing it. i shouldn't feel like the things i feel now dont matter because future me wont care or wont think they are important. maybe in the future it gets to be better or what i say now doesnt matter but why do i get to suffer when i get to be happy in a future. 

i do want to go back to music writing, and just making songs again. maybe i will do something tomorrow. thing is, most of the time i do have an idea what i want to write about but i never have the right rhythm or flow i would want. i want to make something i am proud of and not rushed. something to help me talk about things or something that makes me happy, you know? 

of course, i wouldnt say a have such a horrible life, i do like where i am now, as a person and economically. i have my family, i have a stronger bond with them and spend as much time as i can with them, i have my wonderful cats, i have a job that i dont completely hate <for now> and friends that arent mean and actually talk to me and wan to be around me as well me to them. i plan on going to college, by next year and its a two year program. i hope this way i will have more of an idea what i want to do art wise, either work in character design, game design, animation, production, all that jazz. i would have to be a part timer for a while, so i am trying my best to save up as much now so i have a bit of cash in case anything goes horribly wrong or theres an emergency or maybe just have late bills or any of the sort. oh also also, i weigh 117lbs now so im not underweight or starving myself hahaaaa and i actually look my age so :0 i am healthy. 

ok bye 

[pasta-and-hedgehogs]

I had a good day today. I made myself a large breakfast and I ate it it was filling and its the first time in a while that feeling full hasnt made me feel bad I was content. I tried yoga again in the morning my knees complained very audibly I felt grounded and connected to myself I tried positive affirmations again this time they didnt feel cheesy or untrue. I sat in the park just before I built up this whole thing in my head that Owen was annoyed with me but again this is just me makeing shit up in my head and believeing it because mental illness and overthinking and anxiety. I was suprisingly ok when I went in his house it felt weird because me memmories of it are seeped with vodka and regret but I think I was able to enjoy myself(me jessie and owen went to the woods) My obsession was subdued and not in full force I think I was actually able to spend time with him as a friend and not wonder if he could like me or chose to love me it was nice to live in reality with him for once does this mean Im over him not fully like I was able to release the hope from my heart and I know we are just friends or maybe we aren't fully but thats not the end of the world. However its the thoughts that are my biggest hurdle at this point like it isnt always fully intense but I am always thinking about you and its nothing in perticular its just like a vibrational frequency in my head like the vibe of you hovering in my brain constantly there craving your presence and I just cant get rid of it theres no distraction in the world that can scrub this feeling out of my head its almost torture like I'm doing my best to get over this but some version of you is buried in my brain like a parasitic worm a tumor pulsating its presence is always known. Somehow we were talking about jesus or ⛪ from my older posts and we got on to the whole me being obsessive and how I made a playlist called "I baked you cookies how could you kiss her" and then I made a joke saying oh I dont really remember how I felt I can check my tumblr posts if you really want to know and then somehow I was reading out exerpts from some posts and it was quite scary to do tbh and I felt quite exposed and vulnerable but yea I think it was fun I didnt feel like I had to play a character or fit in a role I was being me. Well Mr Owen wanted to see my tumblr and I said no for reasons that are quite obvious because he doesnt even know that I had a crush on him (to my knowledge) let alone that I am this level of insane; he made jokes about reblogging on his tumblr and he made jokes about searching tumblr for it and if it was anyone other than those two (jessie and owen)who have been written about in the tumblr honestly part of me wants to know what he would say and think like if he saw the posts about him because most of them are when im in the trying to hate my obsession to get over them but it never works.

[allywritesforfun]

Bruh I saw your post about how mcyts would let you fall asleep on them on a road trip and dude I am so fuckin soft for it I stg, anyway I was wondering if I could request something similar, cuddling headcannons focusing on techno quackity sapnap and schlatt (if you write for him, if you don't thats totally cool) tysm :)

dude omg i’m so happy that you liked my post!!

i’ve actually never watched schlatt before so I have no clue how he even acts. I think I know more about his cat than I do himself /hj

anyways...

Prompt: Cuddling Headcanons for MCYT 

regular masterlist

headcanon masterlist

quackity:

besties we cannot deny it, quackity is pretty short compared to other mcyt

all this means is that he loves to be the big spoon 

he feels taller 

he absolutely hates the feeling of his body falling asleep and becoming all static-y so you two always end up in the weirdest postions

similar to techno, he loves his hair being played with

it makes you feel very special because you are one of the few who is allowed to touch his hair

he really enjoys rubbing your arms for some reason

you two always watch Netflix when you snuggle

well you don't really watch it

NOT IN THAT WAY

in a “how is your day” and “whatcha plans for the week” type of thing

quackity has recently been on his buff arc and is constant muscle pain

you always massage the areas that need attention

sometimes he might fake pain just to get a massage

you get paid back in jokes

cuddling normally last that long because you two prefer doing things

sapnap:

ok so imagine this but in his gaming chair 

you two cuddle all the time but he loves to cuddle on stream

you are always in his lap

usually you face him

you're just a little camera shy

on stream he loves to give you kisses 

he is really proud and happy to have you and shows you off when he can

“go ahead call me simp! chat you're crazy if you wouldn't simp for them!”

dream and george constantly embarrass him by telling cringey stories

you find them adorable 

Sapnap takes breaks throughout the stream to “stretch his hands” and “talk to chat”

he really just wants to play with your hair

you feel so safe in his arms 

chat makes fun of you for falling asleep almost every time

sapnap does his best to keep his voice gentle and not move as much

you ended up on the floor one time because he got too excited

became a great clip 

but he most definitely made it up to you after stream with dessert 

dream:

dream is always on his phone trying to keep up with what he's being cancelled for (/j)

but he really is always on his phone checking messages, helping wilbur with lore, tweeting out teasing george

some days you feel like you can't get him off of it

that’s when you have to take over and force him to cuddle with you

he smiles the second he sees you and already knows what you're going to do

willingly lifts up his arms to help

kisses your nose first, then your cheeks, then your forehead

shows you new fanart he liked

accidentally spends an hour going through his fyp

which is a little sus with all the george edits

“I swear on patches life that this isn't what it looks like”

he eventually puts his phone down and gives all of his attention to you

george: 

you two weren't too into the long sessions of cuddling

but you two loved having alone time

the most playful cuddles

“cuddle time but my s/o is a bird” 

wilbur:

lets be honest, even if you were taller than wilbur, you would still feel so much smaller than him

you LIVED for sitting his lap 

you're favorite part was the fact that he could wrap his entire body around you 

you sat in his lap literally whenever you wanted

you didn't care if you had guest over or if he was working

sometimes wilbur will even pull you into his lap

cheek kisses galore

wilbur hates asking you to get up when he needs to do something, so instead he tickles your sides

he won't stop til you get up

you started to pick up on it and started doing the same back to him whenever you wanted to get up

karl:

karl is really big on holding hands

no matter what you two did, he had to be holding your hand

even if it was just the finger, it was still the best feeling in the world

karl gives hugs to everyone, but for you he added a head pat

head pat=I love you

you loved to play with his hair and add hair ties in it to have fun 

he returned the favor