#and they were like ''well we work with UPS etc. so it's up to them but try sending us an email about it it might work''

[chubsonthemoon]

It is done! This is The Death of Translation, originally written in English by @landwriter, translated into Mandarin by @thirrith. Binding is dos-à-dos, with English version on one side and Mandarin on the other. Bookcloth was handwoven by me, on my rigid heddle loom :3

More under the cut!

Typeset: Fanbinders are Liars

Full stop, this typeset would not have been possible without Eth and all their patience, enthusiasm, and willingness to do even more translating! I reached out to them *checks watch* nearly a year ago in July 2023 (lololol), asking if I could use their translation of TDOT in a surprise bind I wanted to send along with Gloam's author copy of Flower King. They were kind enough to say yes, and even kinder to answer my questions when I reached out six months later in January, when I was finally able to start work on the typeset.

We talked about the many delicious things that are bound to come up when discussing translating not just from English to Mandarin, but also from digital space to meatspace. Some topics I had anticipated, like font questions, translating the colophon, etc. But even with the topics I thought I'd prepared for, there were still things that came up that both surprised and delighted: for example, while AO3's website allows for italics in Mandarin--

--my publishing program doesn't (or at least, it doesn't without needing to manually tilt every character by about 10 degrees). So as a workaround, Eth suggested changing these cases of italics to the font 华文楷体:

Through no one's fault but my own, this ended up being only slightly less work than manually tilting every instance of italics--I wanted to be sure that I got all of them, so I ended up doing a lot of double-checking manually anyway, instead of relying solely on the Search function. There was a lot of cross-referencing with the Word document that Eth was kind enough to provide, as well as squinting and general swearing. I also did the same for the uses of Latin script, manually styling each instance as Garamond to keep it consistent with the English edition:

The only other time I've had to do font surgery this intensive is probably for my typeset for Tell Me About the Big Bang, which I had to port over from a PDF. Folks, hell on earth. Do not recommend XD I remember squinting at my monitor as I had to visually confirm every instance of italics, thinking I will never do this again. Welp, four years later, here were are: fanbinders are liars, LMAO. At the very least, using Eth's Word document at least allowed me to search by styles, so it was a little easier on my eyes. 🙏

Is there a script that I might've been able to use if I was more code-savvy? Probably. But I figured going at it sledgehammer style would be the least hair-pulling way to get the job done, weirdly enough. Still, despite my best efforts, there are a few instances of PMingLiU to Garamond and PMingLiU to 华文楷体 that I know I missed, and I know I missed them because I caught them after I'd printed/cut/folded/sewn/glued (cue more swearing), so Gloam and Eth, my apologies >.< please consider them artifacts of a uniquely handmade object ajslkdjfs

In addition to the fonts, there were also some other fun things Eth and I discussed, like how to translate the notes I usually provide on the colophons! In addition to information on fonts, I also usually include some variation of:

This private, limited edition published by chubsthehamster (Moonham Press, imprint of Renegade Publishing) in 2024. This is chubsthehamster's personal copy. Out of three existing copies, this is the first.

The thing that came up with this, which still tickles my brain to this day, was how Eth chose how to translate "Moonham Press, imprint of Renegade Publishing." To get a better sense of what word to use for "imprint," they asked what the relationship was between Moonham Press and Renegade Publishing, which got me thinking about the relationship between my lil imprint and the wonderful @renegadeguild:

What's all very funny about all of this is that we are now, in fact, going by the name "Renegade Bookbinding Guild," per our most recently updated Code of Conduct. While this renders the wording I asked for out of date (and thus, the wording that made it into the book out of date :'D), I think it's also a testament to how cool the work @renegadeguild is doing--like any artform, fanbinding is alive, with its own evolving language, communities, and ideas about the craft. And I love it, I love it so much. (Was this also a plug for our new-ish website? Perhaps).

There's more I could say here, but this post is already going to be long enough, so I'll move on for now! If you get anything from this section, it's that @thirrith is amazing and very patient and kind, and I'm so grateful that we got to talk shop together. Thank you so much for all your invaluable help with this, Eth! I hope the typeset, though undoubtedly flawed, does your hard work justice!

Binding: Or, SO Much Math. Like, So Much, Guys. (It was worth it, though!)

Whoo, boy! So math was never my strong suit in school, but when I set out to do this bind last year, that wasn't an issue. At first. The dos-à-dos binding, if anything, just requires a little bit of finagling on the usual case-bound format--a bit more math if you want to do an all-cloth cover, like I planned on doing, but nothing I couldn't work out with some trial and error. (My prototype below!)

Then came February, when I took a weaving class with my friend, and then everything kinda exploded.

My original idea was to use some green Duo bookcloth I had on hand (this color, actually)--for those of you not initiated into the Duo cult, Duo is a Rayon bookcloth with a very devoted fan following in Renegade. It's very pretty; the Rayon weave is one color, and the paper backing is usually complementary color, so it has this cool two-toned effect. Duo is in high demand in Renegade circles because sadly, the company that manufactures it went out of business last year. (Although I've heard rumors recently that there's another company making something similar, but the cloth has a really high purchase requirement and is, like, for businesses only I think).

Anyway, I also wanted to have a gold line around the whole book as a kind of bellyband/obi to further connect the two versions of the story (another reason why I chose the dos-à-dos format to begin with heh), as you can see from my scribbled notes here--

But alas! I knew going in that adhering things to Duo is often Problematic, thanks to one very painful experience trying to get some iron-on foil on another bind (the textured surface of Duo just makes it kinda hard to stick or paint stuff on it). So if I wanted a clean, continuous line, the remaining options were to either paint it on a strip of paper that I'd somehow...adhere to the cloth? Or maybe cut different slices of bookcloth and glue them on. I wasn't satisfied with either of those options, though.

Then--the weaving class. I made a scarf, and I love it and I loved making it. But the whole time, I'll not lie, my thoughts were elsewhere.

In short, my decision to weave my own bookcloth kinda came from a few different factors:

The desire to attempt to recreate Duo, that elusive beauty, the one that got away, etc. (I have several yards in my stash, but still). Others have also attempted to recreate it, and I thought I'd throw my hat in the ring.

My current spiral into the deep hole that is fiber arts (it started with crochet, then knitting, then sewing, then weaving, then spinning, and now I'm eyeing quilting! Please help me).

The gold line. It kept bugging me. And when I found weaving, I just thought there was something very neat about the process of actually making the cloth for a dos-à-dos binding from scratch, and especially for this binding. I wanted to bind a story about translation (or rather, the death of it, and yet still the necessity of it--how we must try to communicate, despite of, or perhaps precisely because of, everything that gets lost in the spaces between people, and the tragedy of that loss, and the beauty of what makes it through, and the love always present in the effort regardless), and also, the translation of that story. Weaving is a very meditative process, and with every pass of the shuttle, back and forth, building slowly but surely the fabric that would hold the story that Gloam had written and that Eth had translated, I thought a lot about translation, and the gaps between people, and how we choose our words not just when translating, but when we speak at all. From a design perspective, I used the same colors I would've used had I chosen the Duo bookcloth--green and gold--so the design wasn't too altered in terms of color scheme. But I think the choice to weave the bookcloth--the thing that bound it all together--made the project take on a completely new meaning for me, both in process and in scope, one that hadn't been there when I started. I saw the warp, perhaps, as the original story, laying the groundwork for the weft, the translation; or maybe it was the other way around, with the translation providing the scaffolding for its own, new meaning, choices that Eth had to make with this word or phrase or another building something new, something translated, and the original a live, moving thing that wove over and under each word turned phrase turned story; or maybe it was both. Maybe it didn't matter which was which, in the end. And as I wove, the thing that connected them, that gold line that had started all of this, slowly formed.

All that to say: Good God, was there a lot of math. So much math. That prototype pictured above was actually made specifically so I could calculate exactly how much I needed to weave, lol, because while I certainly had enough thread, I didn't want to have to warp more than once. I'd learned the basics in my class, but the training wheels came off here. I wanted to make my own custom fabric, which meant calculating things like ends per inch, picks per inch, loom waste, shrinkage after washing, the width of that damn gold line, how much I'd need for the hinge, the turn-ins, the boards--the whole nine yards (I didn't actually weave nine yards tho heh). It was all absolutely worth it in the end--so challenging and so, so rewarding!

(And my final reason for weaving the bookcloth? Not gonna lie, It was because I just wanted to see if I could do it LOL. I love trying at least one new thing with each of my binds, and this was it for this project. While I've been bookbinding for a few years now, I'm still very much a beginner weaver, and I'm so excited to continue to learn and experiment! Also, here's a video of me unwinding the cloth from the loom, heh. I used 10/2 Perle cotton in gold and green colors :3)

Also, turns out, you can back handmade cloth the same way you can any other cloth! I backed it using my usual heat-n-bond method, and with some Unryu Tissue in the color Forest. Since the cloth itself is a bit transparent, there are a bunch of really fun fibers you can see when it's held up to the light, but which aren't visible when the cloth is glued down to the boards. Still, knowing they're there still makes me happy :D

Finally, capping all this off, is one final, small detail I really liked: ginkgo leaf endpapers :3 this one's for me and Eth and Gloam specifically <3

Aaaand that's all from me for today, folks! Thus ends (several months late XD) my last Binderary project for the year. This was probably my most ambitious bind to date, and gosh it was so, so much fun.

And, of course, thank you so much to Gloam for sharing your story, and Eth for translating it. I can't wait for y'all to receive your copies soon!

All my love! <3

[scoobydooisadetective]

Tenoch's interview at the Vagos de la Vida Real Podcast

Hi! sorry this took so long, I'm a bit rusty. Sorry for any grammar mistakes too. If you find difficulties understanding anything or if you have any correction, let me know.

Bold is the interviewer, normal is Tenoch and italics are comments made by me (mostly explaining things or when I don’t understand what they’re saying)

We already have some followers here in this radio experimentation laboratory called "Vagos de la vida real", produced by La Universidad Autónoma de San Luis. And to start talking, I'd like to ask you something that has to do with your past, with your dreams, with nostalgia, I think. Let's see what you tell us: What does Ecatepec represent in your life?

Well, it’s the place where I was raised. I grew up on the border, right there, a few blocks away in between Ecatepec and Coacalco, and to me, apart from being the place where I grew up, it’s the place that gave me identity. Between the contrasts of things that I saw at home, what you see on the street, what you see at school, I think that at the end of the day the place where I grew up was very privileged because I was able to understand many dynamics and see many points of view and understand many types of lives and experiences based on the place where I grew up.

Back then, going from Mexico City to Ecatepec or from Ecatepec to the city was the equivalent to a trip outside the city, let’s say, it’s like going to Cuernavaca, to Querétaro, you know? It was literally like going to a city in a different state. The metropolitan area had not swallowed that part of the state of Mexico, so it was… Very particular, because I recall that when I have talked with friends that were raised outside the city, let’s say Jalisco or places like that, we have similar experiences about living “outside” the city, in another state and at the same time, this other identity that’s a lot more urban. In my case, it was formed towards my teenage years as a result of the closeness and “distance” between Ecatepunk (another way of calling Ecatepec that Tenoch uses)  and Mexico City.

That's right. Hey, right now we're going to talk about Ecatepunk, the term was among the questions I had (Tenoch laughs). Do you remember your friends from there?

Yeah, yeah!

What was everyday life like? Tell us about your friends, what did they do? Did they play in the street? Were they naughty nuisances? What was everyday life like when you were in middle school there in Ecatepec? Because you went to middle school in Ecatepec, right?

Yes, they're sons of a gun (the host laughs and I don't get to hear what Tenoch says properly, but he mentions something about being naughty or doing naughty things). Some were worse than others, you know, there's a bit of everything, from really quiet dudes, the majority of them are hard-working people, with their families and so on, but there were always the miscreants (he says malandrillos, idk how to translate it but basically reckless kids, 'bad' guys, etc, just in case this word is weird) and I just so happened to befriend them. I always had the... (Tenoch laughs and doesn’t finish the sentence). I was a very easy going kid, imagine that my first drop of alcohol... Well, I had tasted something, but I drank my first real drink when I was 21, 22 years old. I was finishing college when I had my first drink. Actually, I was really easy going and the majority of my friends were, let's say, a little more adventurous in life than me. And so I was friends with the bad guys and also the guys that were top in class, so I could move in all aspects, let's say, in all the areas that a public middle school could offer. I went to the Moisés Saenz middle school and when I was a little boy, that was the most posh school in the area, but by the time I started middle school there, it was a step before juvenile prison because everyone was a son of a gun, but the truth is I had a great time, it was fun and I still have many friends from middle school.

That's important, yes, yes. Hey, something that comes to mind about what you're talking about is, how did you and your friends saw Mexico City? You already told us it was like a trip to another city, but how did you guys see it? How did you imagine that urban monster that was growing? Did you ever realize that it was going to absorb you? You didn't realize? What was the imagery of those who lived there?

Well, you truly don't realize it. For starters, it was like a mythical place, it was a distant place, the big city. At the end of the day, it is the country's capital, so when you're a young what interests you is, or in my case, were the raves, the rock shows, going to bars and so on, but we didn't have enough money or the age... 14 years old, where the hell were they going to let us in? So that was like the dream of the city, the city, the city and suddenly, it began to become too urbanized there and when I started college... I mean, in high school I already acquired a little clearer awareness of the immensity of the city and the complexity of it. At the end of the day, I lived in a microcosm. When I was a child, there were, I don't know, four or five subdivisions and I lived in one of them. There were five or six villages that ended up being absorbed by the urban sprawl and now are interior villages and everything else was for plots. Then little by little it became urbanized, the city swallowed it up.

When I started my degree in the UNAM was when I really got to experience Mexico City, I was visiting it on a daily basis. I studied in Aragón, but the majority of my activities post-school where in Acatlán, because I played american football with los Pumas de Acatlán and the other part of my activities were in Mexico City, in Channel 22, where I did my social service, in ABC radio that's in the press building by the Hidalgo subway station, where I also did internships and eventually I did some work as a reporter and journalistic notes in the radio, I went on air and read news. Anyway, it was a whole adventure to discover... While I was growing, let's say... It's very funny, because while I was growing, my horizons were growing too. In terms of the city, the 'chilango' identity, that I personally love, I'm not a chilango supremacist, even though I make a lots of jokes about it, but the truth is I'm not. The bottom line is that something beautiful about Mexico City is that people from everywhere live in the city and Mexico City wouldn't be so cool if only us chilangos lived in it, because it's a really, really boring city. All the diversity, the food, the ambiance, the places, the people... I mean 25 millions of souls are 25 millions of different worlds, so there's a bit of everything for everyone and the truth is that I can brag that I have been able to live, well the precise term of the word is cosmopolitan, the cosmopolitan life of Mexico City, because we're a country that measures half of Europe. So, when we talk about cosmopolitanism, just with the inner immigration in the country is already half of Europe, that's how cosmopolitan Mexico City can be. So, truly, I've had a great time. Now I live in chilangolandia, I have become a chilango completely.

Full time

And I enjoy it a lot. Full time, truly. And I enjoy it a lot, I mean, we also have to keep the distances and proportions. I live in a central area of the city, in a middle class area, so obviously services such as transportation and security are greater, so it offers me a much more comfortable life in the city than to other people.

Hey, would you let us go back to your story?

Let's go, let's go. Yes.

In 91', before you went to college, one of the most complicated decades for this country began. In 94' the Zapatista war blows up, they kill Colosio, there's a series of complications that arose and are part of who we are today. I'd like for you to tell us if you remember how did you see it, if you were already in high school... How did you see everything that was happening? Or you didn't see it? It's something I've asked every guest we've had here in Vagos and the answers have been very diverse, from people that never knew, to people who participated, that went to protests. How was your experience with the '90s?

No, I was very... My parents politicized me since I was little. I went to my first march when I was 7 years old, which was the march in '88 ... (I don't understand what the march was for because they speak at the same time but I managed to hear something about something that they did to someone named Cardenas I think). So yeah, actually, I made things uncomfortable in the classroom since middle school, because when they started to talk about history, I'd bring up my facts like 'no, but wait, Porfirio Diaz did this and that' and they were like 'shut up, asshole' or I would go with my friends to chat and I'd start saying things like Mexico is a great nation and they have to respect us and they were like 'shut up, dude'. Eventually, the majority of my classmates ended up working in political parties and the only one who didn't work with political parties was me. It's like those people that tell you 'you're an atheist because you haven't read about religion' and you say 'no, because I've read about religion I'm an atheist', that happened to me. Since I was a kid my dad politicized me and well, yes, we saw all the events that were happening in the country, and well, I didn't only see them and was aware of them, my dad would talk to me about them and well when the... When the zapatista army arrived at Mexico City, I was there in the Zócalo with my family to receive them. I remember I learned a very important lesson there, I was telling my dad 'I think that Mexico isn't a racist country, but rather a classist country' and my dad told me 'go out to the street and yell 'indio' (indio it's used as a derogatory term in Mexico, meaning someone who's ignorant or uncivilized. Even though the original meaning is being descended from indigenous people) at any person and you'll see how it goes'.

That's right.

'If that is not racism, I don't know what is', and I was like 'oh, fuck'. I was around 13 or 14 years old at that time and since then I began to have a lot of awareness. I thank my dad for that, because regardless of the ideological or political positions that one might have, having awareness and being politicized in life allows you to make better conditions-- decisions, sorry.

Yeah, that's right.

I could say that a good part of the decisions I've taken in my career are based a lot on what I read in the newspapers and especially in the international news.

You have been telling us about your father. Would you like to tell us who your father is? About him?

Yeah, well, look, to me, my heroes in life are my parents. My mom and my dad, they're my fucking heroes, the two of them. My mom lost her mom when she was 11 or 12 years old and my dad lost his dad when he was 5 or 6 years old. So, the fact that my mom didn't have a mom and my dad didn't have a dad meant that no one ruined them (they laugh at this joke, and Tenoch adds something else but he's laughing so I can't manage to grasp what he's saying, though he says something about 'bad examples at home').

They both have worked their whole lives. My mom was raised in what was back then the Iztapalapa village, and it was just that, a village. There were only a few streets that had lights. My dad was from the Colonia Obrera, so it’s funny now that I mention it to you, because my dad was from the Colonia Obrera, a very urban area in Mexico City and my mom was from Iztapalapa, a village, a very rural area in Mexico City and the place where I grew up was a mix between the urban and the rural, right? Because there were many lots there, and at the same time there were a lot of subdivisions, Mexico City, well, the state was starting to split.

My dad was a kid that worked since he was 5 years old as a shoemaker assistant and he was a laborer since he was 13 years old. And being a laborer and having 2 or 3 children, I don’t remember if my sister who was born before me had already been borned, but my dad being a laborer and everything ended up in night-time studies at the polytechnic university (not sure if this or trade school is a better translation but I think you can grasp the idea) and he graduated as an engineer and won a scholarship to study in Germany for a year and a half.

Well I never!

Well, yes. Back then, when going to college actually meant social mobility. And my mom was raised by her aunt, she studied a technical career, starts to work and meets my dad, they get married and made the decision that my mom would stay at home taking care of the kids and my dad was going to work, because back then, before people judge without knowing and understanding, and as the wise says ‘there’s no text without context’. The context about the period when my parents were young, the 60-70s, is that one person, with one salary could sustain a family of 6 or 7 members. In our case, we were six: four siblings, including me, my dad and my mom. So, with my dad’s salary as a teacher, because first he was a teacher at a technical school… With my dad being a teacher, he could sustain us, the whole family. And my mom, by her own decision, wanted to stay home, which I thank a lot because without my mom's effort of taking care of us, of being at home, having always the clothes clean for us and warm food, a mommy that would hug us and pamper us, and when we got sick she would send us to school anyway, she didn't give a fuck, but when we got back from it she would receive us with a hot soup and kisses. And my siblings got hit (he says ‘les ponía su chingazo’, I don’t think it means he hit them violently or anything, it’s probably more like a telling off? just putting this here because slang and intentions are hard to translate at times) because they earned them, those fuckers, but without that mommy, we wouldn't had made it. So that's why I say that both of them have given me great examples. My mom, by staying at home, my dad, by going to work and with all that life experience accumulated, from the two of them, their lives, everything they went through since childhood, their loss of mom and dad, well, they raised us... We're four, the four of us went to college, we're professionals, we are good people, so the clear thing is that without my parents, without my mother and without my father we would not be what we are and that is why I will always be eternally grateful to my parents. And I hope that one day I can give that same example and that same support to my two little girls that I adore, these two little girls are my raison d'être (I looked this up, but basically they’re his reason to exist), they are my solid rock. Someone told me “I’m glad your daughter, the eldest in this case, was born, because otherwise you would have gone crazy, she’s your anchor to reality”, then the little one came along also at a very important time in my life and these two brought good luck to me when they were born. The truth is that these two kids are now what my parents showed me we were for them.

Hey, so I have a question. I read in an interview somewhere that you said that in Ecatepec the microphones were turned off and it was not easy to get out of there. Did you realize this in middle school? Or when you went to high school? Or did you rationalize it when you were already in college?

I realized when I was in college, because you know what? When I was in middle school and high school to me it was normal, I was just another kid from the suburbs and that was it. I lived my life, I went to political rallies and things like that with my parents, but beyond that, well, no.

And your classmates? What were their dreams about their future? Or they didn’t dream of the future?

Well, besides having a good life, earning a good salary and having a house, the truth is that I don’t remember us having any other kind of talks about the future. I think that is something that happens when you’re young, which I think is very healthy too. But also, when you live in less fortunate contexts you’re not thinking so much about the future, because you’re worried about the present and how to overcome things.

Here and now.

For the here and now. I think not all of my classmates, but most of us thought about the future in terms of what career we wanted to pursue and things like that, but there was also a significant part of my classmates who didn’t even question such things, they didn’t have the sense of urgency about the future, really. Beyond buying a house and having a good job, there wasn’t any sort of talks or points of views and I think it has to do with age. 

When I started to study my career, when I was accepted at the UNAM in ‘99, just when the 99 strike was happening, the climate was extremely politicized and I appreciate it a lot because it made us question other things. I personally did have the belief that Mexico had to change, that there would have to be a revolution. I thought that at that moment, like a lot of young people and people who came before me, actually, my dad is from the ‘68 generation, several of his classmates lost their lives… Well, they didn’t lose them, they were killed, they died in the movement in ‘68. I did think that the revolution had to be armed, but that didn’t mean that the political fight should be left aside. Anyways, when I started college, I started to understand a lot of things and I realized that college was giving me a lot, a college that was sustained with the taxes of a society, well, it was a college that was giving the less fortunate sons of the revolution… It was giving us a future, right?

Hey, we're running out of time for this segment, we're going to continue talking about this later and I'd like to take this opportunity to tell our listeners, you've heard who's here with us. With studies in communication and journalism at the FES Aragón of the UANAM, from a very young age he dedicated himself to acting and the quality of his work has led him to participate in more than fifty films, more than twelve Mexican, European and North American series. Nominated for the Ariel on five occasions and recognized in one of them as best actor and recognized as best supporting actor in the 54th version of the awards granted by the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, in the United States. Author of the book Orgullo Prieto, published in Editorial Grijalbo.

Tenoch huerta, I thank you with all my heart that you have opened a space in your agenda, an agenda that has a lot of work, that has many commitments and yet you still agreed to come and talk with us in this space. I'm going to play a song that closes this segment and I will continue talking with Tenoch Huerta in the next segment.

–

We’re back with Vagos de la Vida Real

We're back here, thank you for continuing with us in this radio experimentation laboratory called Vagos de la Vida Real. I take this opportunity to thank Gabriela Hernandez, our university radio director, who allows and supports this project in its second season. I thank you for your calls to the booth. Thank you for the messages we receive in our social networks, remember we have an Instagram for Vagos de la Vida Real if you want to write to us and there, we’ll say who’s going to be the next guests who will come to this program. Today, we have a top-level guest, Tenoch Huerta. Let’s continue talking with you, Tenoch.

I’d like, because of everything you said about Ecatepunk and all of that, to give a little more context: Ecatepec has always been considered as one of the municipalities with the biggest rate of violence, insecurity and femicides. Meaning, the zone where you grew up was very rough, then you moved to Coacalco and went to college. Something I’d like you to do is take us to the memory of your first day of college. I understand, if you want to tell us about that, that when your high school classmates applied for the exam, you were the only one admitted to college.

Yeah, yes, precisely. In the whole high school, I was the only one, which, now that I say it outloud, instead of speaking well of me, speaks badly of the school.

Indeed.

But well, that’s how it was. I was admitted to college. I took the test because my school wasn’t incorporated to the UNAM, it was rather incorporated to another system, so I had to take the test. I was admitted to journalism and I remember the first day I was very nervous. My first day of class was in extramuros, which was really funny because I felt a lot of affinity for the movement and its postures, from which I had some idea, but when I entered I could soak up much more about what was going on thanks to the flier distribution. The people in the general strike board would do it constantly and well, I started to read and soak up the ideas and overall, what the college was looking for at that moment, that topic seemed more important and attractive to me. I was never part of the strike board because I didn’t feel comfortable. Anyone could enter, right? You just went to the assembly and that was it, you were involved. I remember going to a few of them, and later on I went to another and no, it wasn’t something that moved me, but the things they talked about and the reason we were fighting mattered to me. So, yeah, I truly had a great time, but that first day I was very nervous, it was like the first day in kinder, middle school and high school, all of them together and multiplied for ten. So, that’s how the first day of class in my career felt, but the truth is I had a great time, I made great friends and the majority of my classmates are people that in one way or another, I still keep contact with. 

Also, it was very gratifying that the first college strike in the XXI century was in Mexico, and it also was a victorious one, because a lot of the things we were seeking, regardless of the phobias or philias of each person, well, the college is still public, free, secular and it still is and continues to have the status of the best college in Mexico. So, with all the love and respect that public and autonomous universities throughout the country deserve and also the private ones, well I come from a public school so evidently, my heart beats a bit more to the left. So, school, public education to me… If there’s something you have to bet on… Betting on the future is betting on education, but not education in an abstract way, but rather on a humanist education with a deep social commitment, which, at the end of the day, I ended up absorbing to a greater extent at the UNAM. Once I started having a bigger status in the film industry, I understood that my position is not only to enjoy the success, but also distribute the jar of honey. Start to distribute that jar and most importantly, well, take over the hives so we can start producing honey for everyone, that’s the idea I’ve always had in life, I know it sounds chairo (Chairo is a pejorative word that is used in Mexican politics to discriminate, disqualify or relegate militants or sympathizers of left-wing causes) and it’ll probably scare a lot of good consciences, but what can I say? Without social justice there’s no future.

No, that’s really poetic. That’s how it is, that’s how it is. Hey, something that comes up that I want to imagine, but I want you to tell us, how did a kid that enters college, what, were you like 18 years old?

Yeah

How do you make it coincide? How do you reconcile the college where you were going to study communication, journalism… But also you were already involved in acting for a bit, for a few years, and a while ago you told me you played american football in college. Which one do you want to start telling us about first? Football, acting, what came first?

I played American football since I was 5 years old.

Oh, since you were a kid!

Yeah, since I was 5 years old until I was 21 years old.

Wow!

Here and there I didn’t play two or three seasons for different reasons, but I played. I played every year my season of american football. I played in a lot of teams, the last team I played with was at the UNAM, with the Pumas de Ataclán. After that, I dislocated my shoulder and I couldn’t do anything and my dad… I had taken acting workshops when I was 17 just as a hobby, because I was really happy doing nothing on the couch in my living room, waiting for it to be 11:45 to watch Golden (they both laugh because golden was a channel where they would show adult movies around that hour). No, no, it’s not true. It’s a joke, but if you want to, it’s not a joke.

But it happened at the time, yes.

So, I was really happy doing nothing in life and suddenly, my dad said ‘go and do something with your life’ and he almost dragged me to take those acting workshops. I liked them a lot, but it was just a hobby and when I was in college, as I was telling you, I played my last season, I dislocated my shoulder and my dad told me ‘Why don’t you take the workshops again?’ So I went back to the workshops, a little bit for curiosity and a little bit for having something to do.

Hey, before you tell us about the workshops and acting, what position did you play in american football?

I played as everything, but like my natural position, I figured it out the last 3 or 4 years that I played and it was the defense. For those who don’t know a lot of american football, the front line is the defensive and in that line, in the edges, there’s a pair of players that are the defensive ends and basically and elementally you dedicate to run into the coreback and beat the crap out of him so the dude would see you come and would be scared and wouldn’t be able to play at ease. So, basically, you’re a beater.

And it’s a complex position to play. I also played american football and the line is tough.

It’s tough (Tenoch goes on to mention something about receiving kicks I think, but the host speaks over him and I don’t understand).

And even more here, the american football played in universities is tougher than in the United States, what we see on TV. Here, the hits hurt in a different way.

Yeah, no, yeah, yeah. I played equipped when I was five, imagine it. The atom ant. We looked like little martians with the helmets that would make us lean to the side, but we start to bump into each other since we’re little, you can imagine… (Tenoch adds something but the host talks over him).

Now, tell us about the workshops. You repeated workshops.

Well, since I couldn’t play anymore, I started to take acting workshops and well, more than see these acting workshops as a way of living, I rather took it seriously because I liked it. So I dedicated it all my time and energy to my texts, monologues, to prepare, to give it a spin over and over again, because I truly liked it, I never had aspirations or anything, I simply liked it and it was something I was doing because all my time, energy and abilities were poured into accomplishing the job. Later on, a therapist told me that I’m obsessive and that obsession makes you not be able to let go until it comes out perfectly. It will never be perfect, so you never let it go. So, that obsession or profile made me always try harder. I was bad, I was terrible as an actor, really bad, but since I didn’t give up and I always kept going and I thank american football for that…

The discipline

One time, they blew the skin off one of my fingers while playing, and you could see the bone. I was 10 years old, I went out of the field and told the doctor ‘put a bandage on me’ and he put a gauze on and adhesive tape on my finger and I went back to play, even though they had torn off my skin, because that’s how it is, I don’t understand life in any other way. So they put the gauze and in you go. That’s why I get so angry when I watch soccer players, they tell them ‘good day’ and they tumble around four hundred times and they cry, and throw themselves and drag their feet and cry tears in front of the camera. I say, ‘dude, these people should be acting, they should be in soap operas and not in soccer’. And I know good soccer players who are actors and should be on the field, dude, but oh well.

So, there’s this thing about holding onto pain, not giving in without moving forward, continuing to fight until the referee whistles the end of the match, it’s what took me to eventually go from the worst actor in my workshop to the worst actor on set, but I was a professional! I wasn’t a student anymore, I was a professional actor. A very bad one, but I was there fighting, battling and that leads you to question yourself, and demand yourself and put the ‘this doesn’t end until it ends’ always in front of you, and you can’t take it for granted until it’s perfect, so that’s how I’ve always tried to do my job. I obviously have to measure myself, because there were times when I didn’t sleep or would hurt my body because I overtrained or demanded too much of myself. So, my therapist told me ‘yes, dude, but calm down a bit, it’s not a vow (he says ‘tampoco es manda’ so I guess he’s talking about when people ask a favor from a deity and then they pay it back by sacrificing their physical integrity at times) either’. 

But I think that American football gave me a fighting spirit, a sense of camaraderie, of teamwork, of strategy and of what you can't do… A player on his own is no one in a match, it’s always teamwork. I mean, you’re a team, a group and in that group, there are many individualities, but at the end of the day, they align towards the same objective and it allows you to achieve something. So I think all of that shaped me, not only on a professional level, but also on a personal level and it ended up making me the actor that I am now.

I finished my degree, I worked for a while, and suddenly, they called me to make a movie professionally, beyond those little calls here and there I took because I was simply bored and looking for something to do and earn some money, no, it was in a professional way. Deficit by Gael García Bernal was my first professional film, and although I had already done things before, it was my first professional film for real. And since then I have not worked on anything else, I haven’t earned a living from anything that is not acting. I’ve lived well, I’ve had seasons of skinny cows, fat cows and seasons where there even aren’t cows (cows are used to talk about money, like, época de vacas flacas is equal to lean years. I kept it because otherwise it didn’t make sense and I don’t know if there’s like a proper translation for this saying, but basically he’s saying he has struggled, has seen a lot of money and sometimes nothing at all). But I keep going, and overall, I think it has allowed me to find myself, to question a lot of things about life that eventually make us grow and now gives me the chance to offer a life, the best life I can, to my daughters. Someone told me something very nice recently: our ceilings will always be the floors of our children, so I want to elevate my ceilings a lot, so my daughters can have firm, solid floors, but they’ll have to build their own buildings. I’m not building anything for these damn kids! (He laughs).

Hey, let’s see if you allow me to go back to Ecatepec but in another sense. I read somewhere, in some interview you gave about the movie where you star as a cop and before you starred in it, you went to enroll in the police academy in Ecatepec, but without saying you were an actor. Tell us about that, because at the end of the day you returned to your land in some way.

Well, yeah, when we were preparing the movie, by the way, I had the script like a year and a half before, well, when the time to prepare the character arrived the director… I wasn’t giving what it needed. Actually, when I finished reading the script, I was about to tell the director that I couldn’t do that, that he needed an actor with more life experience, meaning, an older actor or with more training, because I had only taken workshops, I didn’t study acting as a career. So I was about to quit when he sent me the script and I read it, I was going to see him to tell him “you know what, dude? This story deserves someone who’s more prepared than me or has more life experience’ and when I arrived, he tells me ‘before you tell me anything, before you even speak, I would like to tell you that there’s no other actor in Mexico that can do this, only you. Now, what did you want to tell me?’ and I was like ‘When do we start, dude?’ 

So, the truth is I wasn’t enough, so the director suggested… And at the end of the day it was an agreement, but he said ‘dude, what if you take a few trips to the police academy?’ So I went to the police academy in Mexico City and they told me that no. I said well, I’m going to sign up as a cadet, and they told me that I couldn’t do that either because, I think I can say it openly, I don’t have a military service card, so I couldn’t sign up. And I was like ‘damn it’ and then, my mom knew people in the municipality of Coacalco, from Ecatepunk, and my mom told me ‘go there, they’ll receive you’, so right there my mom did production work, that’s how cool my mom is. So I arrived at the academy and the production intervened, obviously, and the agreements that had to be signed were signed, because I was going to train as a police officer, but since I wasn’t going to sign up, because if I did sign up, like with paperwork and so on, well, after I finished the training I would have had to serve in the police for at least six months. So, we reached an agreement with both the academy authorities and the municipal authorities, which was that I would train there an in exchange, we were going to talk about what was happening, which meant the process, about the Ecatepec police, to whom, to be honest, despite everything, at least what I could see is that a lot of the people that are in the police academy and in the Ecatepec police are people that wants to do things right, good people, honest people. At least that’s what I discovered from my experience. Obviously, every person might have a different one, but I met really good people, with good intentions and well, I graduated. I was going everyday, I was treated just like any other cadet.

In fact, no one knew I was an actor, except for the directors. Only the two of them knew that I was an actor, and well, obviously the municipal president, but apart from them no one else knew. And well, I finished my cadet training and thanks to all that experience I was able to play a role that ended up winning an Ariel and we also were part of the official selection of the Cannes Film Festival, we were in the main competition and we had a great chance of winning, but that was the year when everything happened with Florence Cassez (Not sure if I picked up the name right, but if it’s the right person, she is “a French woman convicted in Mexico of belonging to the kidnapping gang Los Zodíacos (The Zodiacs). She received a 60-year sentence for the crimes of kidnapping, organized crime, and illegal possession of firearms”.). And so there was a lot of…

The camera lens was turned the other way

Yes. I don’t want to say that that’s why… I don’t want to say that that’s why we didn’t win the Cannes Film Festival, but it did have an influence because there was a lot of general animosity towards us.

Tenoch Huerta, we reach the end of the program, the end of this episode. I want you to briefly answer me this last question. That little boy that wore his american football uniform, that little boy that went to college, where you explained that it was like arriving to kinder but 10 times worse, the one that started acting and has conquered international stages, how does he see the future? Where is Tenoch Huerta headed now?

I think that everytime I’m… It’s funny because I think that while my path goes further inward, the further inward I go, ironically, my career is taking me further outward, it’s taking me further in geographical terms, obviously in work terms too, but also in emotional terms. It’s taking me inwards, towards my heart, towards my spirit, towards my mind, towards love. The love I have at home, the love I have from my daughters, even the love from my puppies that were just barking, you know? I think that the further inwards I go, the more the world expands. It’s very funny, they say that universals become universal because they talk about the local, so I think that universalizing ourselves implies, or its first condition is being really honest with an introspective look to see the more human, because in the most intimate and in the most human, it's what we all connect on.

Tenoch, I wish you to continue winning on stages, to continue receiving interesting projects, to continue growing. I thank you for accompanying us until the end of this episode and I ask you to recommend a song to close.

Goodness! There’s a song that was considered the best song of the year and probably of the time, of the decade, it’s called “Oye Mujer” by Raymix. By the way, this dude, if I’m remembering it right, worked in a NASA project, experimenting with sounds and so on, so this dude takes part of the sounds he used the most, he’s an engineer, so he uses his knowledge to design this song that to me seems so beautiful, it’s one of my favorite songs because it’s so pretty and it gives me so much peace and it makes me… It’s funny because he uses sounds from NASA and truly, if you hear it, this song does take you to the stars, no matter how cliché of a romantic gentleman that might sound.

I thank you again, I send you a hug. And I’ll wait for you (the listener) in the next episode.

***

To be honest, I'm a bit dissapointed he didn't speak about future projects, but I understand he might not be able to or doesn't want to just yet. It was fun to know more things about his background, though. It's good to hear him again ❤️‍🩹

(Also he said PUPPIES as in more than one?? I'm DECEASED)

@teeunderscorebee @artintel001 @cutelatinagirl @observers-journal @talokanda-forever @cantstayawaycani @too-many-atoms @neoboha @aolechan @chaoticcatbunny

(sorry if I didn't tag you, as I said I'm rusty and can't remember more usernames rn lol or you speak spanish so this isn't useful to you <3)

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Sooo 👀 Miss Raven x Silver anyone?

HELP 😭 Is this because of that one post I made…

The only time I thought about this ship was back in 2021 for a creative thinking exercise. Looking back on it, I can kind of see the appeal?? Especially considering my own recently renewed interest in Silver— It’s definitely a very picturesque and delicate-looking fairy tale couple.

The most Miss Raven interacts with Diasomnia is to work with them to fetch Malleus for important events and/or to deliver notes for meetings he misses… so I guess if we were to write an AU, Silver would be meeting her this way. Maybe Miss Raven’s so stunned to come across someone that’s just like the stereotypical princes she reads and writes about, both in looks and in demeanor. She’s too stunned to speak! … Which could lead to Silver misreading it as “oh, she’s scared of me” and making extra efforts to be welcoming (since he doesn’t want to sour the good will between Diasomnia and the headmaster’s child/errand runner). And since he seems to be the most approachable of the four, Miss Raven develops a habit of going to him when she needs something from that dorm… and it all goes downhill from there.

Miss Raven develops a little crush but dismisses it because she thinks it’s immature (like, she believes she’s projecting unrealistic expectations onto him based on what she writes) or she’ll get over it eventually. Meanwhile Silver is over here very seriously—bless his denseness—saying things like, “I like spending time with you. I would stay by your side forever if I could. If you ever need help, just say the word and I’ll come running to your side.” STRAIGHT OUT OF A ROMANCE NOVEL, MY GUY.

Now that we know a little more about Silver, I realize that he and Raven are both the types to compare themselves to others and talk themselves down. They lack some confidence in their own abilities and keep pushing themselves to meet an impossible standard, feeling as though they aren’t worthy of their loved ones… I definitely feel like they could bond over this and support each other in their endeavors. Like I mentioned in the post linked above, it could be something to help each other with their shortcomings—Raven nudging Silver awake, them through smile drills together, etc. It could also just be sitting down and talking through their emotions!

Lilia, Sebek, and even Silver’s animal friends could be curious bystanders watching the events unfold and cheering them on. (Well, Sebek’s the one shaking Silver and loudly shouting declaring that he’s SO dense. “THIS HAPPENED IN ONE OF MY BOOKS,” he excitedly tells his fellow knight.) Lilia is the amused guardian who offers advice and gives little nudges when needed. The animals… they’re the nosy neighbors who gossip about their relationship and sometimes act as wingmen. Maybe the birds sing to set the mood or they fetch flowers for Silver to give as gifts. It could even be something as simple as the birds talking positively about Silver and hyping him up whenever they hang out with Raven (she’s fluent in avian languages)!

[fantasy-relax]

Sweet Alpha Dangerous Omega

Part 11

“Hmm.”

Relia was carefully reviewing your diagram for a new desk, your forty-fifth attempt, to be more precise. Upon returning to work, Relia decided to start in a very light way.

Leaving you in charge of Lady Dimitrescu new desk.

Easy.

You had one day to create the design and two to carry it out, you thought one day was too much to just do the design and now you were already in the afternoon of the second. Relia has rejected each of your designs for being too simple, inappropriate, too square, etc.

In this one you had decided to use a theme of ivy and flowers, as well as Lady Dimitrescu emblem.

Relia looked at you and your outline before smiling.

"Perfect! You combined comfort with beauty!”

You sighed in relief now you could start working.

“We just need to get the lady to approve it and we can start.”

You resigned yourself to having to do another forty more.

To your surprise Lady Dimitrescu was delighted with your design so finally the construction could begin, it was going to be a hard job because the staff had decreased, Relia had kicked them out of the workshop supporting her reason in front of Greta with the fact that in the workshop the slightest mistake could be fatal and an aggressive environment would only increase the risk. You were surprised when the remaining staff apologized, but you accepted without resentment, understanding were they had come.

The entire team spent the entire day measuring, cutting, carving and polishing; They were so focused in the work that Dorottea herself went to take them out of the workshop to at least have dinner, with Relia getting the biggest scolding.

“What do you teach these poor souls? “How do you faint from fatigue?”

“Draga mea you are exaggerating, for one day they go without eating they are not going to faint” Wrong answer.

The chef grabbed her wife by the ear, giving her a detailed explanation about the effects of fasting, the Master Carpenter looked at her team pleadingly.

The team, in a show of unity, completely ignored her and decided to eat before the head chef decided to do the same with them.

The kitchen staff handed you dish after dish, making your colleagues look at you with curiosity and slight envy. To avoid a bad atmosphere, you decided to joke.

"The food is delicious, but you have really spoiled me too much. Before, I could go up to three days without eating and now I can't go through one without nibbling on a snack." You said with a soft laugh, remembering how your resistance had decreased, the next time you mess things up your stomach would start growling in seconds.

“Do you come from a poor family?” One of your colleagues asked.

“Oh no, my father is a skilled hunter and my mother is a talented seamstress.”

"You don´t have siblings?"

“After my presentation they didn´t want to risk having another aberration”

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds before it was broken by your colleagues.

“Why did you go days without eating?” Her voice sounded uncertain.

Weird.

“Well, we should all contribute to our home, right?” You turned to look around, everyone nodded. “When I lived with my parents I would sometimes ruin the hunt because I would trip over the trap and cause the animal to escape” You rolled your eyes, you were too clumsy when you were little “As punishment my parents left me without food for two or three days” You took a drink of orange juice “And when I lived alone there were times when I didn't hunt anything so I could go a few days without eating” You were a better carpenter than a hunter.

Silence.

“You know I don't like bread very much, have my portion.”

“The soup is too thick; you can have it.”

“The meat stew is too spicy for me, here.”

Your colleagues gave you portions of their food while the kitchen staff heated up more this time offering to your colleagues as well. Before you could return what had been put on your plate you felt hands on your shoulders.

 “Eat” Dorottea said with a smile that gave off an aura of danger behind her Relia rubbed her ear gently while she bit into a piece of bread with teary eyes.

You gulped and bit into another piece of meat.

-------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------

Lady Dimitrescu examined her new desk in detail, looking from the base legs to the drawers.

Waiting for her final judgement, the sweat on your back wasn´t just from having carried the furniture to her office.

Gently touching the emblem carved in front of it you finally hear her speak.

“Excellent work, it seems that you haven´t made a mistake in choosing your successor”

"Of course, not my lady, my apprentice will be talented, but she never stops working hard and is always willing to learn from her mistakes." Relia almost broke your back from the slap she gave you, but you still can't help the smile on your face.

The matriarch approaches you and you reflexively fix your posture while maintaining adequate eye contact.

“Keep it up and one day you will be worthy of representing the house of Dimitrescu when Relia's retirement comes.” In Lady Dimitrescu eyes there was no sign of the contempt that you had seen since your arrival, in its place there was something that you learned to identify clearly from Relia…

Pride.

You swallowed and nodded, not trusting your voice.

"You can leave, take a day to rest as a reward, I have no doubt that you gave your maximum effort to meet the delivery date that I set for you" she said, walking away to take a seat.

“Why do you think that, my lady?”

“Dorottea send you to sleep on the couch” It was said as a fact.

“She take care of my stomach but not my back” The master carpenter responded by rubbing her back, the pain surely was getting worse after having carried the desk.

The lady rolled her eyes.

“Rest”

With a slight nod both left the room.

“Well done” Relia patted you on the shoulder, with the same gentleness as before, but you accepted the contact happily. “I'm going to see if I can reduce my sentence, rest”

Walking towards your room, you could feel your alpha jumping with joy at being recognized by the pack leader of the omega of your interest.

Maybe if you showed how useful and helpful you were to her family, Cassandra's hatred for you would lessen a little.

Maybe.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“You mixed up some words, you're missing a lot of accents and commas, your handwriting isn't that bad, your understanding is what worries me” You weren't a scribe, but you weren't illiterate either. “You don't read much, do you?”

“No Lady Daniela” Ugh she didn't like it when you made that face, she felt like she was kicking a puppy. “In my childhood, books were not within my reach and I prioritized my survival instead of education in my adulthood.”

Daniela frowned, it was easy to assume that your life in the town wasn´t the best, you lived far from society in a decrepit cabin, your body was full of scars and you were far too docile.

It didn't paint a good picture.

Sighing, she got up from her seat to go to the shelves full of books looking for one suitable for your level, when she found it, she returned to the table.

"Here"

"Children's and Household Tales”

“I'm not going to make you read an entire novel to begin, we're going to go little by little, read each story and write what you think about each one, you have three days to do it”

“Shall I take it to my room?”

“Well yes, it's easier this way, you read in your free time and apply what you learn in my classes”

“I will return it without a scratch, Lady Daniela.”

“Only Daniela is fine”

“But Lady Bela told me that-”

“I'm giving you permission; you can call me Daniela”

“Um…Thank you Daniela”

“Much better, now I'll help you with one and you can do the rest.” Getting up, she sat next to you, smiling as she felt how you approached her as discreetly as possible. It was nice how you pursued physical contact no matter how small it was. “Start.” She said as she grabbed your hand.

Her smile grew as she felt your thumb caress the back of her hand.

---------------------------------------------

“The lessons you have had with Daniela this week have helped you considerably.” Reviewing the exams you had taken; Bela could notice the difference in your writing.

“Daniela is a very good teacher”

“Just Daniela? It seems like you've forgotten your manners.” Dani most likely gave you permission to call her by her name, but it was fun to fluster you

“She gave me permission, I not disrespectful, I swear!”

“Hmm I feel a little offended, I am the one who has spent the most time with you, but she is the one who has gotten closer to you, tell me puppy, do you hate me?”

"No! You have been very patient and understanding with me, you have so many responsibilities and yet takes time out of your schedule to teach an aberration like me, how could I hate you?

“You're not an aberration” Bela almost growled the word, hating how you could denigrate yourself so easily.

You tilted your head in confusion, before speaking.

“Lady Bela, do you have any idea why it is almost impossible to find alpha women and omega men in the village?”

“The presentation process in these cases, in addition to including fever, also includes body change, the genitals mutate to adapt to the sub gender that is presented, which causes tremendous pain and intense bleeding, causing the person to die from shock.” This is what she had found in the few books on the subject.

“Correct, but not everyone dies during presentation, if you have a healthy body the chances of surviving increase now if you add the use of medicine to reduce fever and pain the chances increase more, however, having an omega son or an alpha daughter is considered unlucky so the parents just let them die.”

“Mother Miranda condemns infanticide; it is the worst sin that can be committed against her and the Black God”

“Dying during the presentation isn´t uncommon and to avoid further pain the parents decide not to have more children, the rest of the town offers their condolences for the natural death and life continue”

Bela frowned in frustration, without injuries or witnesses, the parents couldn´t be blamed, the fact that there were parents who let her children, kids, die in such a cruel way filled her with immense fury.

“My presentation was at five years old instead of ten, my parents thought the reason I was in so much pain was because of how young I was, my scent glands developed slowly as did my genitals when they realized I was going to present myself as an alpha, they stopped medicating me, but I had already gone through the worst.” Your gaze is lost in your memories. “They had no choice but to take care of me until I came of age, they gave me food, shelter and clothing” You smiled in a way that made her stomach twist. “They treated me much better than they should have, others like me ended up victims of accidents or misfortunes before reaching the age of fifteen” You shrugged “At least that's what the elders told me”

Your back was full of scars from wounds made by your own parents and for you that was a good deal.

I swallow. “You never found another alpha woman or an omega man?”

You shook your head.

“I didn't hear anyone present either.”

She had to talk to her Mother about all this. Seeing you sitting so calmly as if you had only talked about the weather and not about a horrifying situation, as if you had not admitted that your parents were willing to let you die….

It made her nauseous.

She closed her eyes, covering her face with her hand.

“Lady Bela, are you okay?” How could you care more about her than yourself?

She heard footsteps and felt your presence in front of her.

“Lady Be-”

She didn't let you finish, she pulled you towards her and hugged you.

“You are not an aberration or a freak, I forbid you to speak of yourself that way again” She declare firmly.

"But-"

"Forbidden"

You stood still with your hands at your sides.

“I give you permission to hug me” She hear you swallow.

"Sure?" Your voice trembled and she could hear the hope in it.

"Yes"

She felt your arms surrounding her back, you squeezed her tightly and your fingers dug into her skin.

It reminded her of Daniela after her attacks, her little sister always hugged her as if it were the last time she could do so, trembling with fear that she would disappear the moment she let go.

She tightened her grip when she felt the wetness on her shoulder.

---------------------------------------------

“Can I take her with me mother? Please say yes” Daniela was unbearable, it was her turn to hunt and she wanted to take the pathetic alpha with her.

“You really can't do it alone Daniela? I thought I had trained you better." Almost three months had passed without being able to go hunting or play in the dungeon and Daniela was begging to take the dog instead of helping her convince her mother to let her go even once. “If you need help I-”

“You nothing Cassandra, you're still grounded until further notice.” UGH her mother didn't give an inch. “Daniela, why do you want to take the alpha with you? You haven't had any problems going alone.”

“She also knows how to hunt, right? It would be a waste if her skills diminished by not using them” Skills? You were a coward who used traps instead of attacking head on. “The work in the workshop is less, it is not necessary for her to be there all the time”

“She's Relia's apprentice, honey she needs to be there” Cutting wood, sanding wood simple like your brain.

“The alpha has learned considerably Mother, she will have no problem missing for a few hours about what? three times a week” Bela being nosy as always. “She is a hardworking and efficient woman” HaRDworKING aND efFIciENT, doesn't she have other adjectives?

“Hm, the table she made for my office was perfect, as was the desk and my easel” What?!

“Mother, I had forgotten to tell you, I need a new easel, the one I have is broken.” Instead of wasting time playing with Daniela, you could be useful to her. “Sorry Dani, it looks like the pet will be busy.”

“Hahaha Cassie the alpha is more talented than you think, it won't take more than a day or two.” Her sister shrugged and whispered something that she heard clearly. “You would know if you spent more time with her.”

She decided to ignore the last comment "You know well that I won´t settle for trash, little sister, I won´t accept anything that doesn´t meet my standards." She does not mind waiting weeks as long as you give her what she wants.

“Even so, she can work on your order and hunt with Daniela.” Bela, she really doesn't get tired of meddling where she isn't called.

"You're right Bela, she can do both, plus hunting will serve as an outlet for her instincts." Which ones? The only alpha thing you have is the smell. “Although she has demonstrated excellent self-control, it is better not to risk it”

Greta interrupted the meal.

“My lady, Mother Miranda is on the phone.”

Her mother sighed, wiping herself with a napkin as she prepared to leave.

“Daniela, you have permission to take the alpha hunting, Cassandra, place your order at the workshop, I'll see you at dinner, my loves.”

Alone in the dining room, Daniela stands up pointing to the oldest of the three.

“In your face Bela, alpha will spend more time with me!”

“You do know that I help you, right?”

“Oh, right, thank you!”

“Besides, even though she spends more time with you, the clothes she wears are mine.”

*CRASH*

Cassandra smashed the wine glass in her hand.

“You clean this and bring me a glass soon” She ordered the maids in the dining room while she wiped her hand with the napkin.

“Are you okay Cass?”

“That's what I should ask you sister, have you lost your mind to let a commoner share your clothes? That explains why her putrid scent has stuck to you so much."

“I'm not sharing clothes; I gave them to her because there were any in her size and making her a uniform would take time” she shrugged without giving it importance. “Besides I have new clothes made by Aunt Donna; the scent must be because I spend so much time alone with her in my office.”

“Cassie, you're going to break a tooth if you keep clenching your jaw like that.” She loosened her mouth, which she had tensed because of her sister's impudence. “And the alpha doesn't smell bad, she smells like honey!” Too cloying for her taste, besides, what kind of alpha smells sweet? “Sometimes when she really likes a book, she releases her scent without being aware of it and remains impregnated in the library for a while, it's relaxing!”

“She also tends to release it when she sleeps and I agree, Dani, it's very relaxing.”

"Yes, and-"

The squeak of a chair moving interrupted the conversation, the two turned to look at the source of the sound.

“Are you leaving now, Cassie?”

“You didn't finish your plate.”

“Your stupid talk about her spoiled my appetite.”

Who cares about your scent?

Cassandra isn't interested, she doesn't care about you one bit.

She doesn't care about you; it just bothers her that her sisters spend so much time with you.

She doesn't care about you; she just doesn't like how her mother praises your work.

She doesn't care about you. She doesn't even think about how close her Heat is.

She doesn't care about you. She's not afraid of what her stupid omega will do the moment her instincts take over.

She doesn't think about you at all.

[toallthingscinderellaboy]

I may have gotten my coworker to read Cinderella Boy?!?!

Here’s a story time no one asked for!

The other night I was rereading Cinderella Boy (as one does) and it ended up getting really late and I forgot to set my alarm for the morning. The next morning I woke up late, and as a result I showed up to work a little late. Once I got into work and my coworker goes, “That’s not like you at all, you’re usually here early.”

I just went “Oh yeah I accidentally stayed up late reading haha.”

She asks “Oh what were you reading?”

Now at this moment I know I have two options. I can either just brush it off and say “nothing of importance.” OR just tell the truth. I am usually pretty much incapable of acting normal once my favorite shows/comics/books/etc. are mentioned so I try my best to not bring them up, especially in a work setting. I’ll go on for days and will not shut up, so it’s best for everyone involved if I sit alone at my desk doing my work instead of yapping on and on like some maniac about motifs, symbolism, prose, and wanting Chase and Buddy to kiss. So what did I decide to say? “Oh…you know just some comic haha.”

She goes, “Wait I actually love comics. I just finished this one recently and need a new one to read. What comic was it?”

I’m thinking it’s cool, it’s fine. I’ll just say the name of the comic and go on my way and leave the conversation behind. “Oh it’s called Cinderella Boy.”

“Hmmm I’ve never heard of that one. What’s it about?”

Now I’m stuck. Now there’s no wiggle room for me to avoid the question. I’m thinking I can’t just avoid the question. Plus she asked me which means she wants to know right? Haha. Right? I mean surely there’ll be no judgment or weird vibes if I mention what it’s about right? What if she thinks it’s weird because it’s a BL and she thinks I’m some pervert? Oh my god. What if she tells HR I’ve been reading about two boys falling in love? What if she actually reads it and hates it? Oh I could never work with her again. I’ll have to change my name and move to a different country she’s gonna think I’m so cringey. No wait she probably already thinks I’m cringey cause I read comics, what am I gonna d-

“Oh…you know it’s about this guy who finds this key and he can transport into any book he wants. Except he always has to be heroine. Then there’s some other guy who is after the key as well and it’s a big mystery as to what he wants with the key or why he needs it. It’s pretty good it’s got romance, comedy, and is heartwarming.”

At this point I’m thinking ok. Cool. It’s over. We don’t have to talk about this ever again. I managed to remain calm and give a simple straightforward response that didn’t seem super cringey or anything like that. Then I hear, “Sounds cool. Can you send me the link to read it?”

I go “Yeah sure, sure I’ll do that right now.” And then died on the inside because there’s no way that just happened.

And that’s the story of how I may or may not have gotten my coworker to read Cinderella Boy. I don’t know how I feel considering she will probably be a pretty casual reader (also she may just not read it at all, I dunno what she likes to read) meanwhile I’m out here running a whole ass blog for it, but hey what is life is not filled with these random moments of insanity? *eye twitching*

[robyese3]

K. I'm writing this into the void but I have nobody to talk bridgerton to. I blow the dust off my Tumblr to rant. Season 3. Here we go

PT. 1

Trash. All four episodes could have honestly been condensed to one, maaaaybe two to compensate for all the side plots. It did nothing to redeem Penelope.

It did however make me love Cressida, and further convinced me Eloise is queer. That said - Claudia Jessie so far has had chemistry with every single person (Benedict, Penelope, Cressida, Theo). Maybe it's just her. Philip was cardboard though so... We'll see if she can rescue that.

Why would the wig department do my boy Colin like that? Dirtyyy.

Francesca is GORGEOUS. She does look older than Daphne and Eloise, but I don't even care. Stunning. And John is a button.

Where did Luke and Nicola's chemistry go?!

KANTHONY. Only redeeming factor, and not enough of them.

What happened to Debling? Why wouldn't they just have HIM marry Cressida???? Like...?? It would have been perfect.

I love the Mondrich's story line - why is everyone hating? I do agree that it would have been a great way to reintroduce the Duke into the story though. Kinda mentor them through it. I get Rege-Jean wanted out but like... Recast it?

PT 2

Ahhh there is their chemistry. Found it.

I am HERE for mama Featherignton's redemption arc. Only works because she seems genuinely remorseful.

Incredibly disappointed with the Cressida storyline. Just wrecked a really dynamic story. Ruined Eloise's character growth (which she desperately needs) and just undid the awesome set up from pt 1. Felt so wasteful, unnecessary, and sad.

Most of the sex scenes were hot as hell but there was one (I don't remember which) was kinda awkward getting off the ground. They were like... Talking too much? Haha

Daphne not being there for Colin NOR Francesca's wedding? Yeah right. Get your casting contracts figured out bridgerton! This family can't be this close and just be missing major events. Would never happen. Lock them actors in from day 1.

I felt like Colin's arc from finding out to supporting her was really vulnerable, realistic, and well done. He was hurt and angry, but never stopped loving her. Just needed to process and he defended her tooth and nail despite knowing she didn't want to quit it. Good job kiddo.

Ok does Benedict do ANYTHING else but fvck? So grateful they finally admitted he's queer. And I wish they would have gotten to that part of his development in pt 1 so we could see him navigating it more.

When Colin said he had to talk to Benedict about getting the money, and implying that Benedict has some responsibility in the family with Anthony's absence - that was the biggest character development for him outside of his sexuality.

Philippa has NOT gotten enough screentime during this series. How are we just seeing how delightful she is now?!

Part 2 did such a better job at redeeming Penelope. I drank the Kool aid, back on team Penelope. Wrecked Eloise though. Sorry girl. Be better.

Michaela Sterling. Was kinda digging the "soft" love, and autistic thing that was circling the Internet so I was a little disappointed to see that all it was is that she's actually not attracted to him (knew the second they kissed haha). BUT the actress is stunning and I'm intrigued on how they'll develop Francesca's yearning for children with the queer storyline.

I would have loved for another King George cameo. Or just an update on his health, idk. Anything.

All in all, this show could do with adding another episode or two to it's roster and figuring out their pacing earlier on ESPECIALLY if you're going to be splitting the season. And even more so, if you're going to be juggling 82 different storylines.

If we're slowly shifting back to traditional tv practices (weekly releases episodes, commercials, etc), let the next thing be a full episode count. Done with this single digit amount episode. Order at least 10-12 episodes!

[nerdieforpedro]

Those Damn Hot Dogs

Chapter One of Therapy for the Well-Adjusted

My entire masterlist and blog are for readers 18+ MDNI. I do not consent to my work being used in AI, recommended on TikTok, borrowed or plagiarized.

Word Count: 1859

Warnings: Nerdie doesn’t know how the FBI works (despite watching all the crimes procedurals), one gun shot, insulting hot dogs 🌭, random book reference, a wee bit of blood, yelling & cursing

Summary: Marcus Pike was mandated to go to therapy. His journey there was very bumpy. We meet Dr. Mint and Vernon! (both OFCs)

Notes: I started this because I wanted Marcus to be a bit unhinged. Like why not? 😀

But also because I’ve had some bad experiences with therapy and some very positive ones.

Plus I enjoyed the doctor’s names way too much. I’m on my mess with puns. 😉

If you feel you need therapy or counseling, you should research the best cost effective options for you and make sure that your therapist is someone you feel comfortable with. Vibes are important in this case.

Main Masterlist/ Marcus Pike Masterlist

Marcus is talking with his therapist, Dr. Mint. He never thought he would need to see one. Not that people don’t need to see them or take their mental health seriously, they should and he does. He has to. He’s an FBI agent. Although he is in art crimes, there’s still quite a bit of shady characters, deals and crazy crap that people will do to have their art or hide how they got it.

The journey to Dr. Mint took Marcus two months from the incident to now.

The incident in question was something he never expected. Marcus Pike prided himself on being able to roll with life's punches, no matter how gut-wrenching they might be. Prior to ‘the incident’ his team were investigating possible pieces of art that were thought to have been smuggled into the country. Supposedly from California over to the East Coast. That should have been his first clue, the mention of that state. He was briefed about two consultants coming to assist since they had dealings and information of the particular ring of smugglers.

Patrick Jane and his wife Teresa Jane.

The amount of time Marcus had put into this case had been the last few months. Tracking leads, making connections, reviewing financials, flights, etc. He implored his superiors that they didn’t need their help. They’re making headway toward busting these guys without these two, especially one of them’s penchant for causing property damage and being a PR nightmare. The higher ups said that his team had enough time to find these guys and they haven’t so this case needs to be closed now. Pike didn’t understand the urgency, these were typical smugglers, not traffickers or people or drugs, but he had to back down. He would take many deep breaths and interact with them as little as possible.

Of course Patrick Jane asked to be on my team. The vest wearing, tired brown shoes having hot dog water looking bastard.

Agent Pike knew he’d have to grin and bear it. He’s a professional and a special agent. Unlike this prick, he can’t just do as he pleases. There are rules, regulations and he would like to stay gainfully employed at a job he loves. Patrick Jane nor his hot dog water loving wife Teresa will make him lose it.

The first two weeks went fine. Limited interaction, and all about the case. The third week was when they finally caught the smugglers at their warehouse. A mix of Marcus pulling up prior maps of an area outside of DC on the outskirts of the state of Virginia and Patrick seeing a pattern in pieces they were taking. The bust was running smoothly, all of them were caught except one. Marcus was chasing him and the idiot ‘not an actual agent’ Patrick decided he was somehow going to help chase the perp as well in those slippery ugly brown shoes.

It was his own fault.

Not Pike’s. He called in that he saw the suspect, let them know he was in pursuit and was chasing them. It was Jane that called himself trying to be some action hero popping out from a nearby alley to chase the same perp. Pike yelled at him to move, Patrick chose not to listen. His ass paid the price. Literally.

Some might have thought Marcus did it on purpose, especially if they knew the extremely sorted history between Patrick, Teresa and Marcus, but he truly did not. The suspect had pulled a gun and was trying to shoot Marcus, he dodged and shot the perp in the calf, disabling him enough for Pike to run over and clap cuffs on him. He then called for an ambulance.

Pike heard Patrick cursing as he was laying on the ground. Marcus thought maybe he just fell, but there was blood, not from the suspect. Jane was bleeding from his ass, the bullet had grazed him before hitting the suspect. Before Marcus could hold it in, and remain professional he laughed. Not a chuckle or snicker but a full, down on both knees next to the perp laugh. Which made the smuggler laugh as well. Teresa and the other agents made their way over and wondered what an agent and criminal could find so funny. Mrs. Hot Dog became hysterical that Patrick was bleeding so of course he leaned into it, shaking where he hadn’t been before.

Marcus and the suspect watched and looked at each other, “That’s some bullshit my guy.” Pike agreed. Standing up holding the suspect in front of him, he took him over to be booked and processed.

Patrick was taking his sweet time getting off the ground and Teresa was beginning to yell at Marcus, telling him that she’d have his badge for harming her Patrick.

Marcus Pike had enough. He requested to not have them in this case, asked to be reassigned, and has kept interactions to a minimum. He didn’t ask Patrick to chase a suspect. He’s a consultant. He’s not supposed to be doing it anyway!

Uncharacteristically, Marcus yelled and told Teresa to “keep her hot dog water looking man out of the way of FBI business. Had he not been here, the suspect wouldn’t have shot him. Jane needs to stay in his lane and keep all his hot dog foolishness over there.” Teresa was going to say something else, “You don’t say shit to me. You left me then, how am I supposed to know you’re going to do your damn job in the field if you didn’t even have the backbone to tell me no face to face or over the phone. You didn’t ask what actually happened! Put a bun on him to soak up his blood and hot dog water.”

Everyone was silent, even Jane.

No one expected Marcus to say anything, let alone admonishing Patrick and Teresa’s behavior. Everyone knew it was a lot but Pike had been a consummate professional during their entire time here.

Teresa was mortified and started to cry. Jane finally got up and limped over to the supervising agent who just told him to go over to the ambulance to get checked out.

No one directly addressed it, not until the Jane’s were gone and they threw a party. Marcus was invited but he declined. He’d been put out on administrative leave and was at home tuning his bass guitar. Wondering about what they said. They suggested he take some time off, cool his head and could come back after some counseling session.

Marcus had tried to go to the FBI one but it ended on a weird note. The initial meeting went well, but the small older woman asked for a hug. She said that Marcus resembled her former husband. He politely declined and told his supervisors that it wasn’t going to work with the FBI’s counselor.

Pike now had two weeks to find one he could see and clear him. His colleague Mark, suggested one that had helped him and his wife during a rough period in their marriage:

Dr. Mint of “Mint and Julep Counseling: Helping therapy go down smooth.”

The name and the tagline made Marcus chuckle and highly suspicious so he researched them, Mark vouched for the group of counselors and doctors. It’s worth a try. It had to be better than the last one.

Marcus wore his red flannel shirt, open exposing his white t-shirt underneath. Rubbing his hands on his dark wash jeans, getting the sweat off them, he opened the glass door leading into the reception area. The colors were neutral: white, tan, gold and gray. There was a friendly older gentleman at the desk who wore and striking green sweater and had bi-focals, peering at Marcus upward, maybe trying to look through the upper half of the glasses.

“Good afternoon sir, here for an appointment?”

“Yes I am. New patient for Dr. Mint. Marcus Pike. Nice to meet you sir.”

“Oh! You’re early, that’s nice. Wait there. Did you want some water? I’ll let them know you’re here. Should be finishing up with the previous patient shortly.” The gentleman informed him and Marcus took a seat on one of the black leather chairs.

He waited about ten minutes, he’d been fifteen minutes early. It was easier to find than he thought and it was in a stand alone building rather than in a strip mall. It was near a Panera and a Dunkin’s so Marcus had some landmarks for it.

Dr. Mint has sepia bangs which seems to be their natural hair color. The rest of their hair is cut close and is dyed a deep plum color. Normally Marcus might have taken a pause given that they’re also wearing a cream sweater that looks one size too big for them with black slacks and loafers, but they shake his hand and have a strong grip. Pike respects this and follows the good doctor to his office. The agent figures it can’t be worse than the last therapist. Dr. Mint is a few inches taller than Marcus but thin, willowy he might say. Something about him invokes trust, could be their sharp jaw and or that once they sit and Marcus begins talking about what happened with the two hot dogs, he sees something in their dark brown eyes that he didn’t with the other therapists. Dr. Mint didn’t think he’d lost his mind.

Pike’s luck has finally changed.

The doctor thanked Marcus for coming to see them and hoped that he would make a future appointment. They also stated that given the pressure he was under and the specific circumstances, they weren’t sure there was a right way to approach the situation.

“I mean, it is kinda funny. If you think about it, Dr. Mint.” Marcus departs their office and makes an appointment for later in the week with Vernon, the front desk gentleman. On his way out, he held the door for a woman in a cobalt dress, she thanked him and smiled. Pike felt his eyes linger on her for a few moments as she went to the desk and checked in with Vernon too. She sat down, crossing her legs at her ankles after setting her black tote back in a chair next to her. She was on her phone for a few and then pulled her bag into her lap, making herself smaller despite the waiting room being empty save for the man behind the desk.

Marcus wondered what brought her to this place, it could be anything. Her blue dress stuck out in his mind and he remembered there was a book about a woman in a blue dress, what was it called? He stopped to grab a salad and soup from Panera before heading home.

“Wait…” Marcus pulled into his parking space outside of his apartment building. “Devil in the blue dress, I think it’s by Walter Mosley. Wasn’t that a movie too? Maybe I should watch it tonight.” As tonight’s feature was decided, he set about trying to find which streaming service it would be on.

Marcus felt he made a good choice today.

Hot dog haters 🌭: @megamindsecretlair @jessthebaker @avastrasposts @jeewrites @josephquinnswhore

@bishtrouille @readingiskeepingmegoing @survivingandenduring @morallyinept @angelofsmalldeath-codeine

@soft-persephone @soft-girl-musings @rosecentaur1916 @rulexofxnines @inept-the-magnificent

Chapter Two

[ruvviks]

PLEASE DO NOT TAG AS YOUR OWN OC OR PAIRING.

Nathan and Ruben share a bond more powerful than most; mutual understanding through past experiences no one should ever have to go through, and through past actions so horrible they cannot be spoken of. Their grief and the blood on their hands binds them to the STEM technology they created, which has alienated them from the rest of the world— but they give each other the comfort they have both longed for so desperately for years, and that is all they need. They are each other's counterpart; you cannot imagine one without the other, like two sides of the same coin. Through their pain, their grief, their desire, and their regret, they have become one.

anna akhmatova, the guest // bones; equinox // 'i won't become' by kim jakobsson // agustín gómez-arcos, the carnivorous lamb // by oxy // achilles come down; gang of youths // czeslaw milosz, from 'new and collected poems: 1931-2001' // 'extended ambience portrait from a resonant biostructure' and 'migraine tenfold times ten' by daniel vega // a little death; the neighbourhood // marina tsvetaeva, from 'poem of the end' // by drummnist // katie maria, winter // 'nocturne in black and gold the falling rocket' by james abbott mcneill whistler // micah nemerever, these violent delights // body language; we are fury // 'the penitent' by emil melmoth // chelsea dingman, from 'of those who can't afford to be gentle'

taglist (opt in/out)

@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;

@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;

@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;

@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree

[indigodawns]

.

[beelzzzebub]

my dad just tried to explain sexism to me and then got mad when i told him not to lol

[vaugarde]

terribly sorry for progressively getting more and more annoyed and tired with jn. this show kinda gets a lot more exhausting on a rewatch when you know its not going to get better

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

The "yeah I showed up at your party" chapter is also interesting because Betty / The 1 / Mirrorball / TLGAD / Invisible String / Cardigan also have a recurring theme of being misunderstood and/or punished for your choices, wanting desperately someone to see you for who you really are, never quite feeling accepted and seeking love where it might not ever be fully returned in the way you wanted or hoped...

[someone-else-entirely]

Today was an Adventure:

-ordered alcoholic beverage online a couple days ago, culminating in me running out into the wet street without shoes to catch the UPS truck

-impulse bought a heart-shaped mini Bundt cake maker (not just a pan, but a MAKER - you plug it in and pour in the batter and it cooks the cake for you)

-also impulse bought Lindoor truffles whose flavor was listed as "dark strawberry" and I know that that's just dark chocolate with a strawberry filling but "dark strawberry" sounds amazing as a concept

[2-wuv]

shit we did not have time for in The Past:

having pets

eating candy and other snacks but primarily Candy

Sleeping In

lotcherslly just chilling

shit we Routinely Do now in This Life:

All Of The Above And Then Some !!!!

[kpgimpactor]

story time 👹

[crossbackpoke-check]

what are ur thoughts on the winners room trope?

ooooo okay surface level analysis: i like winner’s room fics :)

etwas tieferes: i think it’s cool that it’s (afaik) unique to hockey fandom and i enjoy the way it integrates a lot of unspoken rules in hockey with desire/makes them a physical/tangible reality… also the narrative potentials/world-building it opens up can be fun because there’s not really a set of rules for the “winner’s room” trope. are there in-universe rules? who gets chosen? who’s exempt? who gets to pick? where’s it going down? is it the entire room or one guy? what if your (ex)boyfriend is on another team? does somebody need to be taught a lesson or do you need to remind someone who got traded you still love them? also, most important, winner’s room gives you the chance to put two random-ass guys you saw interact for 0.002 seconds and went “hmmm. interesting” about into a Situation and i love that