#and this is the biggest thing i've ever done with the intention of posting?

[gyuwoncheol]

Vantage Point | Meet the Characters & Series Masterlist

Status: Begins tomorrow (January 20)!

Pair: Mingyu × f.reader

Summary: Pulling off the "No Strings Attached" arrangement with his best-friend-turned-best-friend-with-benefits was easy, but when a new condition is added onto the mix, Mingyu didn't realise just how much he held onto you when you finally let go.

Genre: College au. BFFs to FWB trope. Fluff, Humor, Angst, Smut [chapters with smut will be indicated and will contain the necessary warnings]

Author’s Note: Please take time to read this before starting the series ☺️

Hello, my darlings! Finally getting round to posting this after missing the commited date last time due to covid. But welcome!!! 🥳 This is the first story to my Snap Shoot universe! Before you get into it, let me just point a few things. This is the first time I'm ever creating a universe with interwoven stories, and while I've done SMAUs before, this is the first one I've done for SVT and the first time I'm also this adventurous about it. It's definitely very different from what I post on here but I'm having lots of fun putting it together. I know it goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway, this is very much a work of fiction. This is an AU. While Korea may be the assumed setting for this series, it is not explicitly defined. I'm also trying to avoid using lots of Korean cultural references (maybe except for food) such as use of honorifics like "hyung". While many of my other works refrain from over-describing oc's physical features, you may find that in this series (and universe), oc's features will inevitably be defined. You'll find that the visuals of the characters and the aesthetic of the photos/social media posts will be Korean/ Asian. It's a SMAU, so i'll have to place photos and these photos must maintain consistent. I absolutely do not mean any ill intention of being non-inclusive (I don't even fit the same aesthetic as oc).

Again, it's a work of fiction, while I want you to relate to oc, kindly also allow me breathing space to build the character. If you feel uncomfortable at any point in the series, you are very much welcome to stop/unfollow. As mentioned, this is a SMAU, but it contains several chapters which are purely written narrations. All edits (texts, social media posts, etc.) were done by me, however some photos (esp those of Y/N) are from the web, if they are yours, please let me know so that I may credit you or remove the photo. The texts are all done on light mode. Deal with it. This follows a FWB trope, expect lots of smut and suggestive content— specific smut warnings will be available in chapters where they are present, along with other necessary warnings. This series will have lots of fluff and lots of crackhead nonsense humor. I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Biggest shoutout to my dearest friend @wongyuseokie who has been nothing but supportive through all of this and through all my dramatic Mingy-induced meltdowns. I love you more than you’ll ever know ♥️

Meet the Characters

Mingyu: Sophomore, studying Film & Photography, yn/Camie's best friend since childhood

Yn: Sophomore, studying Film & Photography with Mingyu, Mingyu's best friend since childhood. Nicknamed "Camie" by her group of friends for her highly concerning camera collection/obsession.

Seokmin: Sophomore, studying Film & Photography, same friend group as mingyu and yn, Mingyu & Wonwoo's housemate

Soonyoung: technically a year older than the 3, but currently a Sophomore with Gyu, Cam and Seokmin after shifting into their major

Wonwoo: Junior, studying Film & Photography as well, Mingyu's guy best friend and housemate in The Man Cave, a brotherly figure to OC, Soonyoung's former classmate in highschool

The Man Cave: shared house near their university where Mingyu, Wonwoo and Seokmin live, and Soonyoung often crashes.

✨Other characters/members will come as the series progresses.

Series Masterlist

To be populated as each chapter is posted. There is no posting schedule. Chapters will just get uploaded as they come.

Teaser

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five 🔞

Chapter Six 🔞

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Tag List!

@strawberryya @idyllic-ghost @septemberskies @ladyblablabla

If you want to be tagged as each chapter comes out, do send me an ask or reply to this post so I could include you in the tag list 😊

[ftmtftm]

I've been scrolling through your blog, and I saw your post about discussing the racialized nature of gender. As someone who has several transmasc POC friends, and someone who's a nonbinary POC themself, I wanted to give my 2 cents.

It's important to understand that "woman" in the "man vs woman" gender binary is a colonialist, white supremacist construct, especially in Western countries where you are the numerical minority. My trans friends aren't on T, they haven't gotten top surgery, we are all quite young. But they all have numerous stories about being addressed as "sir" which brings them euphoria but as one person said, while we were making fun of the amount of white people in our club, "Due to my race and skin color, I get masculinized."

And again I'd like to emphasize, that since we're young, none of us really have medically transitioned due to financial and familial barriers. Their hair is long, our binders we definitely have notable chests, and even if they dress masculine, it's notable that no one in our communities would ever gender us properly. It's often white people calling them "sir." Again, I think this reflects how gender performances in mainstream queer communities are deeply White. Like, trans boys talk about having haircuts, but only one of my friends has that wavier, more manageable hair that will help them pass. When you've got curly/kinky hair, the standards are different. For a white person, what's the difference between a "girl" Afro and a boy "Afro"? White cis people have a harder time identifying us, and literally talk to any black girl, and they'll tell you about being mocked, dehumanized, and called "manly".

I don't have much else to say. These are just my personal experiences. But if you want to be an ally to POC in the queer community, this is why it's so fucking important to bring in colonialism/imperialism/white supremacy into discussions of queer liberation. My biggest gripe with ignorant white queers is when they ignore their white privilege, and act like "cishets" (AKA the patriarchal system regulating sexuality and gender) is the only enemy. Because cishet POC deal with plenty of shit with being infantilized, masculinized, feminized, seen as brutish & dangerous, the list goes on. Doberbutts had a post saying, "Believe me, your family's going to care more about me being black than my queerness." towards his white partners. Acknowledging and creating a framework that centers these intersections of queerness and race into your beliefs is true allyship. This is why if you're not anti-imperialist, anti-capitalist, ACAB...I do not think you care for queer liberation. None of us are free until all of us are free.

Please don't view this post as an attack. But this is my perspective, and I thought you'd be receptive to me sharing my lived experiences.

Oh I absolutely don't view this ask as an attack, and I really appreciate you bringing these things up because you're right! Like, just very plainly: You are right and your and your friends lived experiences are extremely important to the conversation on the racialized aspects of gender.

It gets me thinking about where Misogynoir and the social White Fear of Black manhood intersect for Black trans men in particular. Because Black women and Women of Color in general are masculinized by White gender standards and the ways in which Black trans masculine people are gendered in alignment with their identity is absolutely not always done with gender affirming intent. In fact, it's often actually done with racist intent or is fueled by racist bias when it's coming from White people or even from non-Black POC.

That's kind of restating things you've said but differently, it's just such a topic worth highlighting explicitly since it's extremely relevant to the conversation that's been happening about Male Privilege here the last few days.

I do think I know exactly what @doberbutts post you're talking about and yeah. It's just truth. It's something Black queer people have been talking about for ages in both theory and in pop culture (my mind immediately goes to Kevin Abstract and "American Boyfriend") where Black queer/trans identity is both materially different from (neutral) and is treated differently from (negative) White queer/trans identity in multitudes of ways and those differences are worth sharing and exploring and talking about.

Genuinely, thank you for sharing! I try really hard not to lead these kinds of conversations outside of explicitly referencing back to non-White theorists because I don't particularly feel like it's my place to do so, but I will always provide a platform for them because they're extremely important conversations to be had.

[genericpuff]

ok so i just saw you making a post referencing this so i would love to hear your onion on the whole “rachel smythe presents” thing

like my first issue is that it feels like a word for word copy of “rick riordan presents” intention and all? and secondly it just feels icky and i can’t put my finger on it

yeeeah I'm also a lil' sus on the whole thing for a ton of reasons, but I think my biggest "ick" towards it that might align with the vibe you're having is just the fact that like... Rachel is a one-hit wonder creator, not a seasoned veteran in webcomics in the slightest. Rick Riordan Presents didn't launch until 2018, after he had published 15+ books spanning several different series. Lore Olympus, meanwhile, is the only long-form comic Rachel's ever seen through to the end, and even then that doesn't seem like a brag because it's now soured its own reputation after dragging on way too long and if anything, it only went on this long because of potential corporate meddling from WT (and the fact that it's been Rachel's lifeline in terms of being her career).

I've used this comparison tons of times before, but it always reminds me of the SuperEyepatchWolf video about online "influencers", how so many Youtubers and social media influencers try to sell their audience on those "how to become big on social media" courses that don't actually guarantee any form of success because their own success was contingent on luck and being in the right place at the right time.

Who would you rather overseeing and guiding your work in the publishing world? A seasoned creator with several works under their belt and loads of experience working with different publishers, imprints, and people within the industry - or a creator who made one super popular thing 6 years ago which has been circling the drain for the last 3 and has nothing else to show for their career and experience beyond that one project?

And that's not even to say Rachel hasn't created other things outside of Lore Olympus, but she never talks about them. A lot of people are regularly surprised to learn that she illustrated and wrote a Wonder Woman one-shot for DC, or that she had been awarded for her past works such as The Maiden. She's not even really doing anything to hype up Rachel Smythe Presents or the actual finale of the comic she's been working on for the past 6 years, so really all it means is that once LO is over, her staying power as a creator in the webcomic industry will vanish. She hasn't done anything to build a stronger foundation outside of relying entirely on her one-hit wonder - and therefore, her trying to launch some prestigious imprint based around her one project feels way too early and unearned.

and that's my onion

[chorus-the-mutate]

This is an edited repost of the Erzsebet Bathory character analysis I wrote yesterday that I refuse to let go to waste. I tried doing the right thing and tagging all of the necessary trigger warnings only for this post to be completely hidden from the Castlevania Nocturne and Erzsebet Bathory tags. Since I can't afford to tag the proper trigger warnings without being punished please do not read this post if discussions of rape or sexual assault triggers or upsets you in any way. I don't take these topics lightly and they are vital to this analysis of Erzsebet Bathory.

This post also contains major spoilers for this first season of Castlevania Nocturne.

This may seem presumptive of me to say but this thought has been stuck in my head for several hours: Erzsebet Bathory is the most rapist adjacent villainess I've ever seen without her actually being a rapist.

The first and smallest point against her is how often she mentions virgins. I know that Erzsebet's initial mention of virgin sacrifices is supposed to tie into the origin of her alter ego and consumption of Sekhmet but it's super fucking weird that it played into why she wanted to sacrifice Maria.

Next point against her is the lawyer's daughter. I'm not sure if this lady was a virgin but when she's first brought to Erzsebet she's already terrified and too dazed to fight back. It's obvious that she doesn't want to be there and that even if she did that she can't really express that desire. But Erzsebet still takes this lady out of a literal gilded cage, sits down and sits this lady on her dress to admire her despair before drinking her blood. The next time we see the lady she's still dazed. The only differences are that she's dolled up and seems more suggestible. Even with hundreds of people in this ballroom scene the lady is literally ignored by everyone except for Erzsebet who dances with her and parades her around for her own amusement. Everyone else knows that Erzsebet likes to make her victims suffer and they still refuse to acknowledge the lady because Erzsebet has made it clear that she's her possession. Hell the only person who is unhappy enough with Erzsebet to go rogue at this point is Olrox and he STILL IGNORES THIS LADY. When the lady is dragged outside to be fed on again without anyone batting an eye it reminds me of a rapist roofying their target and proceeding to do everything in their power to seem interested in their victim's well-being in order to take them to a second location. And no one speaks up since Erzsebet is the Harvey Weinstein, Prince Andrew or Thomas Jefferson of the vampire world; the embodiment of people in power getting away with abuse until the damage has already been done.

The last and biggest point against Erzsebet is the entire scene where she turns Tera into a vampire. For me personally that is just an allegorical rape scene and it's executed very well. Erzsebet makes her entrance at the abbey as a lioness of a woman, a literal predator who wants to take Maria as a sacrifice and turn her into a vampire to ensure Emmanuel the Abbot's loyalty. Tera protests and offers herself to Erzsebet instead. This is such blatant coercion that Tera refers to herself as the ram Abraham sacrificed to God instead of Isaac. And the only question or concern Erzsebet has at this point is if her sacrifice should be a virgin. The only reasons she accepts the sacrifice are Emmanuel's genuine love for Tera and the fact that Tera is a powerful sorceress. Once Erzsebet settles for Tera and physically lifts her to her level no one can stop her. Maria gets knocked out for trying and Richter gets bodied immediately after. Their only option is to get the hell out of there once Annette makes an opening and Richter rightfully runs for his life. Even Maria, the only person that could look back and see Tera turn, is knocked out and that feels like an intentional writing choice to give Tera one last shred of dignity. Erzsebet holds Tera really close in this sort of hug as she feeds on her and once she's fed she literally sits Tera on her lap for her turn to feed. Then Erzsebet cuts herself and the blood starts dripping down on Tera, starting at her skirt, going to her blouse and reaching her face. At first Tera doesn't react but then her body responds to the blood and she feeds even though she doesn't want to. Even though no one wants this for her. And that is exactly what it's like when someone has an unwanted orgasm. Tera's body is protecting itself the same way a victim of assault would and that paired with the blood on her skirt being reminiscent of the blood on a woman's thigh in the aftermath of an assault hammers home the rape allegory. It's very sad and uncomfortable to think of Tera's turn to vampirism this way but the thought lingers hours after like a grimy film on my brain.

I 100,000% believe that Erzsebet would have been an actual rapist if Netflix Castlevania didn't romanticize Lenore raping Hector and ending their relationship on friendly terms. Not to mention Sumi and Taka's sudden shift from allies to sexually assaulting Alucard out of spite. Castlevania Nocturne seems to shy away from rape and sexual assault in favor of allegories or moments so brief that I missed them unlike its predecessor. So I'm blaming the gratuitous depictions of sexual assault in Castlevania on Warren Ellis, the creator of Netflix Castlevania, who doesn't work on this show for a very good reason.

Everything from her size as Sekhmet to her tendency to torture women and girls before killing them contributes to the allegory of Erzsebet being the vampire equivalent of a rapist. She exudes power and not only does she enjoy making others feel helpless she's also great at it. She is a sadist without honor, willing to parade her lady victim of choice around vampire high society or hang a young girl on hooks to drain dry rather than let any of them die a quick death. The dragged out, needless suffering Erzsebet inflicts along with her preference for women and virgins frames her feeding as something more sexual in nature than the other vampire nobles who simply indulge in their gluttony. Even Olrox feeding on his former boyfriend isn't framed sexually, it's framed as a desperate, romantic gesture to keep his lover alive. And every vampire I remember from Castlevania has their feeding framed as a tool for political power or sheer, simple gluttony. Even the vampire general Cho was shown to be more of a tyrant or a general sadist clinging to power in Japan than a deviant.

Erzsebet's sheer sadism actually contrasts quite well with Dracula's humanity and restraint. He understood humanity, only feeding to survive or strike down the merchants who slighted him. (He probably also used feeding as a tool for political power but I don't think we saw that directly.) Dracula ultimately came to understand humanity so well that he fell for Lisa Tepes, the exemplar of what it means to be human. And that love is why I believe he respected Lisa's wishes and let her keep that humanity instead of turning her into a vampire. And after Lisa's death Dracula stopped feeding entirely, hoping to extinguish his life and take out as many people as he could because he believed that humanity should've been better. He believed that the people who lived alongside Lisa would've stood up for her and they betrayed her out of a mix of fear, religious reverence and apathy. Meanwhile Erzsebet doesn't care about humanity, seeing people like the lawyer's daughter as possessions or people like Tera and Emmanuel the Abbot as pawns to further her own rule. She might be taken aback by Drolta's death once she learns of it but there's an equal chance that she wouldn't even bat an eye.

So what do these points of analysis mean for Erzsebet and Tera's future dynamic as master and pawn? The one thing that's certain is that Tera has been fundamentally changed, forced into an unprecedented nightmare scenario that will drag her down a dark path. But I'm an optimist and I believe that Tera will ultimately be redeemed. She may never be human again but her humanity, her love for her son and daughter will save her soul. Ultimately I hope that Tera lives and recovers from the trauma of Erzsebet turning her. I hope that she goes home to her children and is taken in with open arms. But if Tera dies she will die as Tera, not as a pawn, and that is because Erzsebet could never kill her humanity.

[lovingdabeessss]

i will keep that in mind. Tbh, I've actually started writing right after I asked if I could. I just kept taking breaks because horrible attention, and I was stuck in Blake's part until last night. Now I'm kinda stuck on the Blacksmith's part. I have no idea how to write them... Though I have started writing their part, it is somewhat slow going, because of unfamiliarness with the character and irl stuff like tests.

On an unrelated note. Can we talk about the fucking symbolism?? Parallels??? Between Yang's death in this au and Ruby's in canon??

Because in Ruby's eyes. Yang, who did nothing wrong, who did not indanger their team, was the reason for a *kingdom* falling, didn't cause Penny's *death*. Had chosen to ascend and come back as someone else.

Whereas *Ruby*, who *did* do all of those things, at least in Ruby's eyes, chose to *not* ascend and came back as herself!!

Can you tell I love these fictional sisters?

FUCK YEAH PARALLELS!!!!!!!!!

She has none of the reasons ruby decided to go to the tree and yet she’s the one who ended up gone

CRAZZYYYYYY

For the blacksmith thing I say make them as unsettling as possible go bananas do something crazy

Yang is so interesting in the sense of her motivation is more people based like she didn’t come out post v3 to save the world she left to go help Ruby and that just happened to be what they were doing and Yang goes 100% because that’s just how she is like of course she’s helping people what else would she be doing kinda thing

When she thought she was dead at the beginning she didn’t seem particularly upset about it she just was there was nothing else to do anymore she’s done she fulfilled her little life’s purpose of protecting Ruby and saving people along the way and she’s done now time to look for all the people who she knows who died or something

She was DEEPLY upset when the rest of her team was dead for obvious reasons especially because stopping Ruby from dying was WHY SHE DIED but whatever moving on

I think Yang sees living as a never ending list of things to do and people to love so she’s always doing something and caring about someone like her whole life she was taking care of Ruby then in beacon she was helping Blake and along the way she was working to be a huntress which came easy to her and it was all good then she was looking for Ruby and then she was defeating Salem (which she may or may not have ever thought was possible but I doubt she cares)

Then she dies and she’s just

Done

She was in a good place to not want to die but I don’t know how much the thought bothered her cause of how risky she’s always known being a huntress is

But when she went to the ever after there was something to do and it was ascend

So of course

She did that

I think maybe Ruby has always hated how Yang reacts to her own danger

Because Ruby and Yang love each other so much but they actively exist in each others worst issues in a way that’s almost fine cause it’s them

Ruby abandoned Yang after she lost her arm but Yang was never mad at her she never even saw it like that she should’ve been able to follow her (plus Ruby’s thought her semblance was running away for the longest time)

Yang sacrifices herself all the time especially for Ruby and Ruby’s biggest thing is being abandoned unintentionally (as a parallel to Yang intentional abandonment problem) like through death however it’s their dynamic it’s what they do Yang will always do this because she’s her older sister

I love their parallels

ALSO IM SO SO SO EXCITED TO READ WHATEVER YOU MAKE HEHEHHEHEHEE

I’m so excited to see your take on how she’d be feeling and how everyone reacts and just everything I’m just so excited to see it and all your interpretations

I love when people make stuff of my posts ss

[sugoi-and-spice]

Answering the other part of this Q from @hunajan in a separate post rather than a reblog because...

Well, you'll see why lol.

This is SUCH a great question!

So yeah, when I was expanding this fic, and realized that I wanted it to be a story with deeper meaning, rather than just a straight up fetish-y dubcon/noncon fic (which there's nothing wrong with, it's just not the direction I wanted this story to go), and when I decided that I did indeed want Shigaraki and MC to be endgame - I knew that there was A LOT of work that was going to need to happen in the story, and from Shigaraki's end, to make that possible.

As a quick disclaimer, in real life, I do not think Shigaraki and MC's relationship would be salvageable. Dear readers, if your relationship with a person starts with a freaking sexual assault or a place of this deep of manipulation - fucking run, don't walk lol.

Buuuut, this is fiction, and I love writing about effed up characters trying to make each other's lives a bit less effed up, so yeah, this is a romance that I intend to give a happy ending.

Of course, I still don't want to make a happy ending easy for them. I fucking love me a character arc, and Shigaraki in this fic has one hell of a character arc to go through, one of the biggest steps of which is taking accountability and doing some serious fucking atoning.

So to answer the question, no, Shigaraki's realization and apology wasn't particularly difficult to write or plan out, but it was something I was very careful with and definitely put a lot of thought into. And so my first step in crafting this plot point was to look at one of my favorite atonement arcs in media:

Endeavor's!

*nervously* Hahaha, I can hear the pitch forks sharpening already. A lot of people really hate this character and claim he has a shit redemption arc, but I couldn't disagree more tbh.

I think the most important aspect of atoning is accepting the fact that forgiveness must happen on the other person's terms - if it's granted at all. And if the person you've hurt doesn't ever forgive you, accepting that as well.

Endeavor's attempts for atonement are not perfect ones at first. He tries at first to mend his relationship with his kids, very much on his own terms:

This is not a flaw with the arc mind you, imo, but an intentional flaw of the character. The rocky beginning on his road to atonement.

Because ultimately, mending the relationship, earning forgiveness, building a new life with his family - those are all things that he wants. They are things that would serve him, would make him happy. But that's not necessarily what's actually best for his family.

What's best for his family, is to free them. Separate himself from them so that if they decide to forgive and move forward with them, they can do it on their terms.

^This right here is the scene that really brough My Hero Academia from good to great in my eyes. And made me realize how amazingly poignant Horikoshi was when it comes to telling stories about trauma and complicated family dynamics. It was such an amazing show of growth, maturity, and genuine care for his family, to want them all to just heal and be happy, even if that means he's not a part of it.

That's some damn good freaking atonement right there imo. And admittedly, it's probably due to some personal bias.

To be tmi for a sec, I have a lot of experience with abusive people, and abusive parents specifically. I am no contact with my father and very low contact with my mother. They are people who have done fucking terrible, awful things to me in my life and quite regularly, just expect me to forgive them without them putting any real work into changing things. They want me to forgive on their terms and their terms only, and they absolutely fucking expect forgiveness. Because that's what family does.

Bullshit.

I can't tell you how much in my life I've wanted to hear them say:

I think that is the pinnacle of an actual good apology honestly, and particularly when apologizing for doing truly horrendous things. It's to just reach out to people, say I'm sorry, you don't have to forgive me, but I am fucking sorry - I take full responsibility for your well-being and what I've put you through,. And then to work on making things better for others, and improving yourself going forward. No pushing, no love-bombing, no trying to make it up to them directly. To just lay it all out on the table and accept the consequences.

There's a reason that the 9th Step in AA is "making amends" and not "asking for forgiveness."

Sooooo, to bring it away from this Endeavor meta tangent, and back to your actual question - that's what I decided needed to be at the forefront of Shigraki's apology in Play Nice. Not the literal words "I'm sorry", but this part:

His willingness to walk away if that's what she wanted and was best for her, even if doing so made his own life noticeably worse. The promise to not cause her anymore of that pain, no matter what it takes - that's what really needed to happen here I think to make their relationship salvageable honestly. That's what I really wanted to highlight.

[cosmos-dot-semicolon]

As someone who loves Inscryption despite its flaws I GOTTA know: what are your thoughts on its faults? I've seen you vague post about it and I'm so curious (also, hi!)

hiiiii :3 Lovely to see you reach out after you seeing you always pop up in the tags :D

To be clear, I still like Inscryption despite its flaws. It’s *interesting* as a piece of art, and that’s way better than a game that just technically checks off all the boxes of being playable. Like, I’ve been able to write several thousand words’ worth of a video essay script on this game, covering both the good and bad. It’s that fascinating to me.

Since I don’t want to unload 40 minutes’ worth of text on you here, I’ll just say my main thesis is that the game brushes up against a ton of genuinely cool ideas, but the developer never seems to notice them because he’s too married to the way things were done in Pony Island, and what people who like Meta Games expect. And Inscryption keeps so much info in the dark that you only realise this at the end.

The genre shifts are the biggest sticking point for me. If you know the developer already (or have watched someone else play the game), you’re perfectly fine with them being there. But if you’re someone like me who played the demo and then jumped in blind, you’re going to be burned by the shift to act 2 (and to Luke), which is nothing you would expect from the wonderful aesthetic act 1 mostly relies on. Even though I *like* both act 1 and 2, I kind of have to like them for separate things (i.e. a beautifully haunting roguelike based off forest folklore vs a deckbuilder exploring the worst art-kid polycule divorce you’ve ever seen).

The culmination of this is Kaycee’s mod, which I love, but is an implicit admission that the creator didn’t actually know his own strengths. An endless mode to only one third of your game is not a common thing to add in after launch, especially if you’re not early-access.

Then in act 2, outside of its lore, the game’s theme becomes the idea of games as art. The Scrybes are both multi-faceted characters in their own right and proxies of game design philosophies.

Leshy is the visceral experience of being in another world, while his actual game is pretty janky. Grimora is pure fun (which is a great contrast against her death aesthetic). P03 is the very specific way some designers get obsessed with game mechanics above all else and produce the most mid games you’ve ever seen. Magnificus is spectacle to the point it’s stupidly hard to actually play his deck.

Throughout both takeovers, there are always items or mechanics from the other Scrybes popping up. The stand-alone campaigns are arguably better than act 2 because they’re much more focused, yet Leshy and P03 both still can’t escape the influence of their colleagues.

This is all extremely interesting characterisation and commentary on game design that all goes unsaid. And as much as I dislike Luke Carder’s plot, I’ve spoken before about how the themes his story touch on would be a fantastic fit for that meta-commentary.

All this is great, self-contained within act 2. But the way the finale (and arguably act 3’s more lore-based segments) are written afterwards implies that wasn’t intentional at all. The culmination of this game is that all the Scrybes get deleted and go out in a sudden bombastic finale like in Pony Island and then 😱 maybe this guy shouldn’t have looked for secrets… Because now he’s dead IRL…

And it’s like. Okay? Sure. That looked cool I think. But what is the point of the story then, exactly?

So much happens in so little time in the finale. The writing is basically speedrunning all 3 of the remaining Scrybes’ arcs, and then has to reveal the OLD_DATA affecting Luke, and then has to show him getting killed. And you still don’t know what’s going on.

Then you go looking online for secrets and read that actually the evil glitch thing that was mentioned maybe twice in act 2 was important, and was the entire motivation for the plot. Also everything’s technically linked to the dev’s other games.

And I just. Do not think that is interesting at all, compared to the more carefully designed, and more character and theme-driven stories.

Daniel Mullins' work is unique in how whole-heartedly he includes meta elements, and I just think it's a shame he didn't take the opportunity to explore further beyond his usual comfort zone, as you might've expected from how different Inscryption's aesthetic is to his other games.

It should also not have taken that long to get to the point if the main story was a straight-forward evil artefact plot. Which the creator has already done in a more concise game years ago.

I think Kaycee’s mod tackles a lot of Inscryption's main issues, and I’m loving its smaller plot and more consistent pacing more than whatever the fuck was going on with Luke. But objectively I think it’s a big ask to force people to go through like. Everything after act 1. So they can play a potentially better version of the game.

[empty-dream]

I wanna talk about the MV of Frieren 2nd OP song Haru (which surprisingly doesn't mean Spring (春) but Sunny (晴る)) Almost missing out this MV because it's not done with original Frieren AMV just like the first OP. But someone recommended to watch it anyway and I did. And DAMN IT'S SAD. AND HEAVY.

The story itself is pretty straightforward and easy to understand once you finish the entire MV. The fun part comes from the Youtube comments. There are several interesting insights about the MV, the song itself, and the relationship with Frieren series. After digging and crosschecking here and there plus some thinking, few points I'd like to bring up are:

Relation to Sousou no Frieren

This. Enough said.

On more detailed note, 晴れる (Hareru) means to clear up, to stop raining, to be sunny. Himmel in German means heaven. So it's basically turning into "clear heaven/sky"

You know Himmel's presence was so big and brought hope wherever he and his party was. Even in the Demon King era, his heroism and kindness brought light the people's life. Even now, long after he's gone, Frieren keeps meeting people who are directly or indirectly impacted by his actions, even for the smallest things like helping around the village. It was enough to cheer everyone he comes across.

I was thinking of how Serie and Frieren could end up so different despite being the same race as elves with unprecedented talent for magic and similar rather cold distant personality. Perhaps I'll talk in another post about it but for me, I feel like one of the biggest differences is that Frieren got to meet Himmel. Long after Flamme died, Serie is basically still alone at the top despite having more disciples, while Frieren meets Himmel and through him meet the others and then she walks the same path as them. Even after the two people she ever cares about die, Frieren's sky becomes clear as she learns about her own feelings and what should really be treasured in human limited time versus her own limitless one. Or at least that's how I interpret the anime.

The song itself

The lyrics often mention of how beyond the rain pouring down from the clouds, the sky up above is sunny. Beyond pain, there is peace. It's fitting the whole "clear (up the) sky" theme.

I've listened to a few Yorushika's songs before Haru, and while their songs are kinda hit and miss for my taste, I enjoy Haru a lot. And I didn't know that wordplay is Yorushika's specialty. After looking at some of their songs, I found out they like switching kanji of the titles so that the titles hold double meanings.

And honestly, whenever I picture "spring", I always pair it with "clear sky." Even though rains do fall in spring too, I always go with sunny. This whole kanji switch is genius, ngl.

Once I knew that one of the member, n-buna, is a Vocaloid composer, I was like "Huh. No wonder." Sometimes wildest profound lines do come out from Vocaloid songs.

The MV in general

The MV itself is straightfoward. The father is unaware he's dead. The son has been alone all these times. But still, the wish to live in a world of sunny days free of war and loss just like back in the day goes on.

An interesting top comment theorizes the wall here resembles the Western Wall in Jerusalem, while the tree with flowers shown in the last seconds looks like the olive tree. Olive tree means peace and reconciliation. The metaphor "offer an olive branch" means "wanting to end the quarrel and disagreement." Olive branch is present in the emblem of Israel while olive tree is considered as a national symbol for Palestinians. As of this writing I haven't found any official confirmation for those theories. But either way, this is clearly about living in war state-something that is unfortunately ever-present in the world.

I personally think that the release timing, the choice of story and certain elements in it like the wall, the plant and the sea, all make the MV extremely relevant to the genocide and occupation of Gaza now, whether it's actually intentional or not.

The director of the MV, Kohta Morie, tweeted something along the line of 'I present this work to those who did not have the chance to be "sunny."' Incredibly sad, when you think about it.

[clatoera]

Always Remember We're Burned for Better Chapter 19: Always Remember We're Burned for Better

Here we are. The TITULAR chapter. Only two more chapters follow this, one being the epilogue. We are at the end of the war. We have made it. We are just about at the end of this fic. It is absolutely wild we have made it this far together. I finally picked a title for the sequel, so thats cool. This is the longest chapter by far. It is the most important. They have been burned, and now it is time to find that it is for the better.

I have a LOT of emotions in writing this. I never imagined how it would feel to nearly finish the biggest fic i've ever done. And I'm feeling a LOT. Idk. I'm kind of sad about it?

title from The Great War. Also the titular chapter of the fic. Wild.

AO3

Masterpost.

As always, thank you to my friends. For your endless support and listening to me ramble. I literally cannot thank @ohhowwehavefallen enough. @kentwells who has essentially helped me restructure some things in the sequel already that i'm honestly weirdly excited for. @mollywog who was my first ever commenter who continues to read a story about a ship that she isn't even a stan for. @crookedlyniceperson my dear meme maker. @clarascrabarmy my nightshift angel who talked me off a ledge last week. And so so so many more. I am just.. yeah. Feeling a lot about this fic. It's been a crazy crazy ride.

And as we approach the end I just need to say thank you all.

Note: I do not own any of the Mockingjay content in italics, that all belongs to Suzanne Collins.

I'm like. On the verge of tears as I post this.

The banging at the door is incessant and alarming, more frantic than was usual in such a militant district. Compared to the festivities of the night before, with the wedding of Finnick and Annie, such a frantic rapping at the door pulls them from their comfortable position in each other's arms. 

Cato doesn’t really move, shifting his face to bury it in Clove’s neck, pulling her body flush against his even more so than it already was. “Mmm, think they’ll go away if we ignore it?” He murmurs, voice muffled in the mess of hair between his lips and her skin. “Think we’re in trouble for missing breakfast?”

“Seems a bit more urgent than missed scrambled eggs.” Clove mumbles in response, pulling the thin cotton sheet higher up over their shoulders, no intention to greet the stale morning air beyond the warmth of their minimally comfortable bed. The two twin beds pushed together was a FAR cry from the comfort of their home, but they both knew they likely would not be returning to such luxuries for quite some time. She’s about to continue ignoring the banging, content to rest in his arms until something of worth drags them out, when the knocking both deepens in intensity and increases in speed. “For fucks sake,”

The banging does not relent, and Clove is reluctant unbury her face and push herself out from under the weight of Cato’s arm, which falls on the bed behind her hips with a dramatic thump. Her feet hit the floor as she rocks to a sitting position, and the cool underground air prickles the hair of her skin. She ignores the dull ache the cold introduces to her skeleton, the way her shoulders throb just deep to the planes of her skin.  For a moment, she thinks about how this is going to feel in the winter in the mountains of District Two, before she remembers she will likely never step foot back in her District. 

The violent outbreak in District Two eventually did turn towards the side of the rebellion, but not before sides were further divided, largely because of Cato and Clove themselves. Many of the loyalists did hear them, saw them for the children who were born, raised, and sacrificed to the games in their childhood, and took their pleas of reality. There was still a small camp, though, who dove further into their cause, citing Cato and Clove both as traitors to not only their home but their country.  While it had ultimately turned out against the Capitol, the beliefs would remain. IF there was a District Two to return to, would they even be welcome?

 The banging continues to hasten, and Clove actually sighs out loud as she searches for something, namely, Cato’s shirt, from the floor before slipping it over her head and shuffling closer to the door. 

The exact second that she turns the door handle, the heavy metal door comes flying open as if it were made of cardboard and not steel, and Clove is pushed back into the room by the flurry of blonde that comes rushing in.

“They’re gone. Everyone is gone. Katniss, and Finnick, and their whole film crew and everyone is gone and It’s just us and Annie and Johanna and–” comes so fast that the words are nearly imperceivable by their intended audience. 

“Good Morning to you, too, Glimmer.” Cato rolls to his back, now understanding that no, he would not be going back to sleep anytime soon. “Can you breathe between your words so we can understand what you’re saying?”

“You’re pleasant in the morning,” Another unexpected voice follows, as Marvel follows in the room behind Glimmer, rubbing his eyes as his socks shuffle along the cement flooring of the rooms. “I don’t remember you being all grumpy in the games.”

“You look ridiculous.” Cato snaps, before stretching his arms above his head, holding his head in his hands as they rest on the pillow behind him. As result the sheets slip lower, leaving practically his whole torso bared to the room. “Shirtless isn’t for everyone.”

“I was asleep!” He defends mildly, before stifling another yawn. “It’s like..five in the morning, give me a break.”

“Why are you waking us all up at five a.m. Glimmer?” Clove redirects, practically grabbing Glimmer by the shoulders, stabilizing the blubbering, pacing girl. She looks frantic, nearly mad even. “Glimmer! Words!”

“Everyone is gone.” Glimmer grabs Clove’s arms, digging her nails in with a panic. “They’re gone, went to the Capitol gone.”

Clove’s face must fall first, as the realization hits her far faster than it does the men. Her fingers tighten on Glimmer’s arms ,and she shakes her just a little. “This is…it? This is the end and they just…left us? They didn’t even want us to help–”

“Sure did!” Yet another voice enters the room, this time the snarky tone of Johanna sliding into the room behind the other four. “Thanks for waking the whole district Blondie- oh GOOD Morning.” She laughs the second she sees Cato in his sheet on the bed, clapping her hands together once. “We’re the leftovers, but damn, I’ll take it. Speaking of leftovers, Clove if you get sick of-”

“Johanna i’ll still fucking kill you.” Clove warns, a sharp edge in her voice that relays that no, she is not in fact even slightly joking.

“Okay hold on, why would they leave without us, we’re useful.” Marvel argues, crossing his arms across his chest, before he sits himself on the foot edge of the bed,  far from Cato on the other side. 

“How useful are you, really, Marvel?” Johanna taunts, before shutting the heavy metal door behind her, protecting the secrecy of their conversation. “I’m sure they gave Katniss a bow and Finnick a fucking trident, nothing like sending people into an active warzone with symbolic weapons. Did you all fail your readiness tests? I almost made it then they flooded the fucking streets… tried to send me back to the hospital and everything?”

“You can swim, what's that matter?” Cato pulls himself to a sitting position to join the rest of the group more properly. “You’d never have survived the quell otherwise.”

Johanna bristles but goes quiet, suddenly shifting her focus towards a rather interesting spot in the floor, when Marvel speaks for her.

“Back in the Capitol they uh..” He waves his hand around, gesturing something Cato nor Glimmer quite grasp. “With the water and the electricity, they shocked her.”

“Electrocuted.” She corrects, before raising her head to look around the room again. “Not that it matters now. I didn’t pass and clearly neither did any of you–”

“What test do you mean?” Clove cranes her head to look at Johanna, but does not move her hands from where she holds Glimmer’s arms down, noticing the way her wrists twitch to reach for the skin of her own arms. “They didn’t tell us about some test,”

“A field readiness test. To see if you were capable of handling whatever the Capitol threw out?” Johanna now sits on the makeshift king bed, a few feet away from Marvel but no closer to Cato to prevent the risk of Clove taking it as a move on him. “They must have considered all of you too big of a liability to even think about sending you out there.”

“Do they think we’re just..team Snow? After all they’ve done to us, after all we’ve said?” Glimmer shakes her head, disbelief at the lack of trust this cause has for them, after the repeated displays of loyalty they have all given time and time again. “They just think we’re not worth including?”

“I, for one, am fine with not dying in this war. We made it this far, besides, they would have sent us out there like idiots trying to fight a war with swords and knives. A suicide mission, really, if you think about it.” Cato announces, but the disdain on his face reveals to Clove that he’s a little bitter about missing his final chance at violence and bloodshed in the Capitol streets. 

“We’re all dead anyway if Snow wins.” Johanna reminds them all, leaning back in Clove’s bed, stretching her arms out around her. “May as well watch the end of the world from a bunker. Aren’t you all tired of being used as little show ponies by both sides?”

“She fucking hates us, I can’t believe she didn’t want to exterminate us. She looks at us like we’re rats plaguing her district.” Clove says, but the way her eyes flit around the room shows she’s hesitant to even elaborate. 

“Who? Katniss?” Glimmer cocks her head, narrowing her eyes like she wants to defend the symbolic girl herself. 

“No..Coin.” Clove whispers, looking between them all as if she cannot believe they do not immediately agree. “She looks at Katniss like it, too. She doesn’t like us. Any of us.”

“Maybe it looks better for us not to even be there, then to turn for the Capitol and die for them.” Cato suggests, leaning back to prop his head up in his hand while his elbow rests on the pillow once again. 

“She hates us. We might be dead no matter who wins.” Clove warns, and immediately, turns to face the rest of them. “We should get Annie, too. It’s not fair to leave her, especially if Finnick’s already gone.”

“I’ll go grab her.” Johanna volunteers, pushing herself back to stand. “What a wedding night, wonder how that feels to have your brand new husband choose war over you.”

“He might not have had a choice.” Glimmer suggests, knowing all too well how it felt to be a symbol of something against your will. 

Johanna heads towards the door, pausing to look Clove over, pausing to bring attention to her bare thighs and legs that peek out from under Cato’s shirt. “You know, you have nice legs under all that crazy, Clove.”

“Go get Annie, Jo.” Marvel sighs, once again stifling an exhausted yawn  “If we’re going to wait out a war in here, can you two at least put clothes on.”

“Awwww…don’t be jealous you aren’t getting any Marvel.” Cato taunts just as a pillow smacks him in the face. 

——

They are kept in the dark on the status of the battle of the Capitol. 

Perhaps the whole district, the whole world is, but it feels like the six of them are particularly cut off from the reality of the outside world. 

The day itself is very…odd. No other term to describe it than weird, really. There are no overhead announcements of the change of a shift, nor announcement of mealtimes beginning. Maybe they are happening and the group of them are simply unaware, but after hours of, well, nothingness…Cato makes the call that he’s starving and he will be finding something to eat. 

He's on his way back from the kitchen, leftover cake from Peeta’s creation the night before in his hands to serve as their snack, lunch, AND dinner, when he physically collides with Haymitch in the hallway.

The older victor tries to nod and go on his way, but Cato grabs him by the shoulder to stop him from running. 

“Why didn’t they tell us?”

“She didn’t tell me, either, sunshine. Katniss isn’t one to give other people a heads up.”

“That's not what I mean and you know it, Haymitch. After all we did for them, they don’t even want us there when it ends?”

Haymitch gives a hesitant glance around, all too aware that the walls listened for even the lightest whimpers. “Plutarch wanted as many victors there as possible. Coin didn’t want anyone who could be seen as a Capitol loyalist-“

“We’re loyalists? Me and Clove, who literally have no home anymore as a result of this war? Glimmer, who risked it all to expose what they did to her? Marvel? Who doesn't even know what to believe? We’re loyal to Snow?”  The thought is unbelievable to Cato, who has lost his home, his family, and everything but Clove to this war. Have they not given enough to show that they are anything but a threat to this new world. 

“It isn’t me saying it, kid.” He gives another hesitant glance around. “Remember what I'm telling you right now, okay? About how she sees you all.” 

—-

The four of them sit on the still unmade bed, the screen in the room turned on in case of any sudden update that has still yet to come. Johanna had ushered Annie out of the room not terribly long before, after the lack of update had sent her spiraling to something akin to a panic attack. Johanna insisted she just needed to be alone, and that she’d bring her back once she was more stable. 

Clove’s head is on Cato’s thigh as he feeds her bites of the cake, her feet up against Glimmer’s legs where she is curled up under the blankets, head resting on Clove’s pillow. Marvel sits at the foot of the bed, distracted from all but the turquoise buttercream on the cake before him. 

“Shame he’s from twelve, he could’ve made a killing in a bakery in One.” Marvel comments, swiping the left over icing off the plate with his finger, before shoving it in his mouth. “That kid can bake.”

“I’m not sure there's really going to be district divisions left after all this. You can go get some loverboy cupcakes anytime you want.” Clove teases, before accepting another fork full of cake. “If there's even a Peeta left after today.”

“Why would they send him? Isn’t he literally programmed to kill Katniss? Isn't that a liability?” Marvel questions, before full on just digging directly into the entire tier of cake Cato had brought back with him. 

Something clicks for Cato, the words of Haymitch Abernathy combined with months of watching and absorbing the way things go down here. Everything is always intentional. “Maybe that's the point.” 

“You think the point is to kill Katniss?” Clove raises a dark eyebrow, but props herself up on her elbows to get a better look at them. “Isn’t her whole point like…to represent the cause?”

“..but maybe she’s more symbolic dead?” Glimmer suggests, following along with what Cato is implying, tucking her blanket over her shoulders before snuggling deeper into the blanket. “...do you think we’re all more symbolic dead?”

“Honestly, I don’t know-” Cato is cut off when the TV actually flashes on for the first time all day, proudly displaying the Capitol seal before one Caesar Flickerman appears in a news anchor-esk desk. 

“For fucks sake, how is Caesar still alive?” Clove groans, but pushes herself to sit beside Cato as the tv calls their attention. 

“He’s the capitol’s favorite cockroach.” Marvel jokes, before he too turns around at the foot of the bed to watch whatever news Caesar brings. 

“They’re alive.” Is the first thing Glimmer whispers, tuned out to the snide remarks on alliances and loyalty from Cesar, as she tunes in directly to seeing FInnick, Katniss, and even Peeta alive. 

As Peeta grabs Katniss to throw her down, and some unidentified member of the squad pulls him off, a silence falls across them all. An uncomfortable silence, one that settles in the air and makes any word feel simply futile.  

“Do you remember the night before the quell?” Marvel finally says, clearing his throat as he does so. There's something in his voice, something between realization and fear, and Glimmer is the first to recognize it. 

“On the rooftop, yeah, why?” She follows up, and nearly reaches forward to grab his shoulder but stops herself, still, even in this end of the world moment, afraid of what he would think. 

“Doesn’t this feel a lot like it?”

—

Two entire days pass without another update. Two turns to Three. Three turns to Four into Five. 

It is five days later when they get their next news on the active battle in the Capitol. Ironically, they are in exactly the same space. Clove leaning with her legs and feet in Cato’s lap, who is sitting up against the wall that serves as the head board on their bed. Her head is across the bed, in Glimmer’s hands where the girl threads intricate braids through the length of her hair giving her something productive to do with her hands. The biggest change is that she now also leans on Marvel, who once again sits cross legged at the foot of the bed. 

“What do you think will happen next?” Glimmer brings up, raking her fingers through the soft waves at the end of Clove’s ever growing hair. “Like..what's next for us?”

“I think the answer is supposed to be live happily ever after, if you ask Annie.” Clove snorts, but stretches her legs against Cato’s torso to get him to pick up her feet. “I honestly haven’t thought about it.”

“You haven’t thought about what happens after this ends?” Marvel questions, leaning back against the metal bar of the bottom of the bed. 

“Why should I? Who knows what's left out there for us? District Two is literally ashes. I’m an actual orphan now, Cato’s probably also a war orphan. We literally probably don’t even have a home left for us.” Clove looks over at Cato, who is just nodding his head in disagreement. “Are we going to have to be drifters?”

“You could always just come stay with us for a while, if we even have standing homes. Otherwise we can all go hide in the mountains of District Two, living out of tents… it’ll be like we’re in the Hunger Games forever.”  Marvel suggests, but his face twists up as soon as the words are out. “Scratch that. Not like the Hunger Games. I don’t want to think about those..honestly? Ever again. But seriously. We may all be living out of tents so–”

“I am not living out of a tent.” Glimmer scoffs, eyes rolling to the back of her head. “After all this, I deserve at least running water. And a maid. And a chef.”

“You don’t need a chef, Clove’s right there and homeless.” Marvel teases, but the concept does bring another pending issue to the front of his mind. “....do you think we’re going to have to get like…jobs?”

“Oh absolutely fucking not.” Cato chimes in, taking Clove’s foot into his hand and digging his thumb into the center of arch of her left foot and for a moment they are seventeen on the train to her games for the first time again. “We won the Hunger Games. Monthly stipends for the rest of our lives, remember? Have we not done enough?”

“They may not care about all that, if there's no games, does it even matter if we won them?” Clove questions, before she tugs her foot back out of his hand as he pressed his finger in, nearly kicking him in the process. “You asshole.”

“I am not getting a job. When I was little my mom used to say I could either marry a victor or be one. And I am one. Working retail in One was just never even on the table for me!” Glimmer sounds nearly scandalized at the suggestion, sitting a little straighter and leaning against her once-boyfriend. “Katniss should add that to her list of concessions. We keep our income.”

“It’s not like there’s going to even be that many victors left.” Cato points out, smirking as he goes for Clove’s other foot, holding her ankle firmly in his hand so she cannot pull away this time. “It’s the least they could do for us.”

They had destroyed their homes. Stripped them of their livelihood as victors. Slaughtered their families and their friends. A monthly stipend was the literal least that the new government could do. 

It’s not like any of them really had employable skills, anyway. 

The television crackles on against any of their will, and the Capitol insignia once again covers the entirety of the room in a bright, blinding light. The familiar anthem of the Capitol plays, and Clove is the first to scoff. 

“I wish Katniss didn’t have dibs, I’d love to get my hands on Snow for this-” Clove starts, but her blood runs cold as soon as she sees what is being displayed behind him. 

It is an image they are all too familiar with. As the anthem plays the holographic pictures of fallen tributes scroll on the screen. This time, though, the tributes are people they know all too well. 

Finnick Odair. Katniss Everdeen. Peeta Mellark. 

“No..no. no. no.” Glimmer shakes her head, disbelief quickly turning to agony as her own breathing speeds up and she falls quickly over the edge of her own emotional distress. 

Nothing, absolutely nothing, is as chilling as the screams of Annie Cresta-Odair that echo through the depths of District Thirteen. 

“They can’t be dead, there's no way they’re all just..gone.” Clove tries, but the evidence is in front of her. Of course there is a way. They are in an active battle ground with literal bows and knives and tridents. They were never intended to come out as victors. 

Glimmer is beside herself, resolved to hyperventilating, body shaking sobs as the broadcast transitions to Snow. 

“We should go to Annie..” Marvel suggests, but as Glimmer physically collapses against him he can’t find it in him to do anything but bring a hand up to her shoulders, as he had done all those years ago during Clove’s games. Johanna is probably with her, if the footsteps running through the hall and the two rapid door slams indicate. 

Snow appears on their screen, and gives some speech about Katniss being a misguided girl.

“...I think we need to have another conversation.” Cato warns, leaning forward to grab Clove and pull her into his lap. “What do we do if Snow wins this?”

“I’m not living in a world with him in control, I can’t I can’t I can’t.” Glimmer cries, further digging herself into her ex-boyfriend's shirt, letting (or rather pleading) him wrap a single arm around her to give her any semblance of comfort. “I can’t go through it again.”

“I’m in no fucking hurry to get back in his hands, I won’t. He took everything from me. He stole who I am. I’m not living in his world.” Clove agreed, noticing the way she herself was also breathing rather heavy as a result of the news. Not to say she was panicking but..she also wasn’t far off. Her heart pounded, raced really, in her chest. After everything..she couldn’t survive in a world with Snow. 

The screen is disrupted when Coin takes over, and gives an empassioned speech about Katniss as well. Her false emotion is obvious to them, who are all too accustomed to her fake niceties. 

“She caused this! She’s the one who sent her in there with Peeta and Finnick and it’s her fault.” Glimmer blames, an arm at her waist the only thing that keeps her from lunging at the television in her rage. Coin is justly the target of her ire, as the loss of Finnick is like feeling the loss of a limb. They were the ones who went through it all together, and she is likely the one of the only ones who remain who have experienced the sexual abuse at the hands of elite capitolites. 

“Lesser of two evils, Glimmer, lesser of two evils.” Marvel tries, but it is no use as Glimmer loses it yet again. 

“Cato’s right.” Clove says, leaning back in his arms. “We need a plan if Snow wins, we can’t get back in their control.”

“What do you suggest, Clove? We hold a Hunger Games down here of the surviving victors? Just take each other out?” Marvel questions, not even slightly considering it. It’s preposterous to him, that they’d just be able to annihilate each other as if they had not gone through an entire war together now. 

“I don’t know if we could do it.” Cato admits, shaking his head just a little as he pulls Clove properly onto his lap. “After all this..yeah we can take ourselves out but could we really kill Annie? Or even you , Glimmer, I'm not sure I'd be able to.”

“I couldn’t kill you.” Clove fully admits, tucking her head against Cato’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around her waist for him by grasping his hands. “I spent my whole life trained to kill you.. And I couldn’t do it. Not now. I couldn’t kill you, Marvel, even though you irritated the hell out of me when I met you. We survived the fucking capitol together. Glimmer… you are the closest thing to a friend I have ever had. I guess that makes you my best friend, doesn’t it? You have taken care of me for months down here. I can’t kill you. And God, Cato, you’re the love of my life. After all this shit, there's no chance in the world I’d be able to kill you so easily anymore. I don’t know what comes next if Snow wins…but come on. We can’t throw it all in so easily. We’re probably the only Career Victors left. We can’t give it up so easily.”

—

The war ends three days later. Formally, at least. 

 The television refuses to shut off, with mandatory viewing of evacuations and all cameras focused on the president's mansion an endless background noise.

Clove is laying on top of Cato, face tucked into his neck as he runs his hands over the small of her back absently. There has been a tension in the air ever since the conversation of the end of the world under Snow, and they had spent the majority of what could be their last days on earth alone with each other. 

Go out with a bang, right?

Go out with a bang, quite literally, when the mandatory viewing of evacuations turns into a mass civilian bombing by the Capitol. Or more specifically a mass bombing of the capitol children. 

“It’s like their own Hunger Games. Just..mass murder of kids.” Clove remarks from her place on his chest, tucking her chin against his sternum so she can look up at him. “Feels funny to see the games that way.”

A second bomb wipes out the camera footage as the bomb wipes out thousands more. 

Neither think much of it. They had been broadcasting the mass deaths of peacekeepers and rebels alike for days. What is one more bombing, what are thousands more added to the death count. 

It is not until an hour or so later, long after the broadcast has cut out, that a banging resumes on their door as it had days prior. 

This person, though, does not wait for the door to be opened, and instead keys in a code from the outside that flings it open. 

On the other side of the door is Haymitch Abernathy, a beanie on his head and a smile on his face for the first time maybe ever. 

“It’s over!” He announced from the door frame, hand still grasping the handle. “It’s over.”

Clove raises her head first, and Cato’s face whips around to face the door. It is Cato’s turn to break into the ghost of a smile as he waits to confirm what Haymitch is saying. There’s no way the man had broken in that enthused if Snow had won, right.

“We won?” Cato calls out, grasping Clove’s hip under the blanket so intensely that it was sure to leave bruises behind. 

“We won.” Haymitch narrows his eyes at the two of them, gesturing to the sheets that covered them. “If you two will disconnect from one another and get dressed, they’re going to fly us all out for the big execution of Snow.”

“...we’re invited?” Clove snarks, raising a dark eyebrow, but unable to stop the smile that is threatening to creep across her face. “What’s the occasion?”

“The war is over, kid. Everyone’s going.” Haymitch winks at them, and for the first time maybe ever, Clove recognizes him as another victor like herself. And maybe, just maybe, he sees them for that too. 

The door shuts on them both as Haymitch hits Glimmer’s room next, as evidenced by the shriek they can hear through the wall at the announcement. 

The reaction of Glimmer, or Marvel, or Annie, Or Johanna doesn't matter, not right now. 

Not when Cato grabs Clove’s face in his hands, and pulls her up so that they are only inches apart, his thumbs brushing across the freckles that dance over her cheeks like constellations. 

It is better than winning any fight, better than the night before any Hunger Games. 

“It’s over.” Clove whispers, her own hands coming up to rest along his jaw, her thumb stroking over his cheek. “We won.”

“It’s over.” Cato agrees, the smile fully breaking out on his face now. They won. And if they have nothing else in the world..they have each other. 

He pulls her face down to crash their lips together, and if he can taste the saltiness of tears he is kind enough not to mention it. 

Seconds, Minutes, who knows how long passes before Clove forces herself to pull back just a little, just enough to catch her breath. Their noses still brush, foreheads still together, when she finally, finally lets out a sigh. 

“We survived a war, Cato.”

“We always survive, babe. We always do.”

—

 The flight to the Capitol is unlike any train ride or victory tour ever felt. It’s a moment of victory all its own, yes. 

And yet, there is the feeling of unfinished business in the air. A war that is over but not quite. 

It is also the longest a journey to the Capitol has ever taken, a far cry from the quick train rides from Two. 

“Everything is going to change.” Clove warns Cato, sitting in their own little corner of the hovercraft. 

“Maybe it’s for the better.” Cato suggests, lacing his fingers with hers as he crosses his ankles out in front of him. It was strangely reminiscent, sitting side by side like this, of being kids on their lunch break at training. Their entire lives have centered around anchoring the other, really.  He nods in the direction diagonal from them, where caddy-cornered to them sit Marvel and Glimmer, in a position not at all unlike their own. They watch as Glimmer rests her head on Marvel’s shoulder and how he smiles down at her like she’s the source of all the light in the room.  “Maybe it’s for the better.” 

—

The first person they see upon landing is Effie Trinket who is back in her head to toe over the top regalia. Well. Some things change and some things do not. 

“Welcome, Welcome!” She greets, a megawatt smile plastered across her pale painted skin. Even in her Captiol attire she is still not quite as outlandish as she had once been. There is a wig and heavy makeup, yes, but it is not at the level that an escort would have once been. 

She had likely been brought out earlier, with Coin and Plutarch and other military stars. Still. It was nice to see a familiar face, with all the loss they were about to face. 

“If you will all follow me, we have thrown together a little prep team of sorts! To get you all presentable for the execution. It’s a big day!” Effie leads them into the president's mansion, and Clove straightens as she is reminded of all the torment she faced in these very rooms. Cato notices– of course he does, they are truly two halves of the same soul– and instinctively wraps his hands around her just a little tighter.

“The other surviving victors are slowly coming in, there's not many left but!” Effie starts and it is the immediate scream of Annie Cresta that draws all their attention.

“Finnick!” 

“Annie!”

Clove and Cato turn around just in time to see the two of them collide, when Annie wraps all her limbs around his shoulders and hips, as he holds her as if she weighs nothing. 

“I thought he was dead.” Clove whispers, disbelief and even joy laced in her tone as she addresses the district twelve escort. “And Katniss and Peeta��”

“That's what they had us all thinking! But no! Katniss and Peeta, they’re alive as well. Katniss’s poor little sister, though, it’s truly tragic.” Effie puts a hand over her heart to show sympathy, but continues to lead them down the hall where various groups are being reunited. 

“Prim is dead?” Cato pauses, and quite literally stops walking in his tracks. “How was she even involved in the war to begin, she's a kid–”

“The bombing. At the end. She was there as a medic.” Effie explains, though the tone in her voice indicates that something is, once again, being left unsaid. Something didn’t fit. 

Cato and Clove share a look, one that speaks their agreement, that something is off and they need to discuss what exactly it is. 

They pass yet another door and a flurry of blonde and sparkle catches Clove off guard. Her eyes go wide, and she nearly says her name, before a manicured finger comes to shush her. 

“It’s a surprise.” Mouths Cashmere, where she stands side by side with her brother Gloss just beyond the door. Glimmer had clearly not seen them yet, but the shining smiles on their twin faces revealed to Clove they were all too excited to be reunited with their baby sister.

Clove felt the sinking feeling in her stomach, at the realization that there is no one waiting to be reunited with her. 

Cato must feel it too, as he realizes that he likely lost his sister just like Katniss. He did not have a little sister any more to excitedly await the reunion of. 

“Perfect! The District Two Room!” Effie announces, and leaves them at the door. “You two will be prepped soon. Enjoy the meantime!”

Effie cracks the door for them, and gives them each a knowing smile before she heads off in the general direction of what they can only assume is District Twelve preparations for Katniss, Peeta, and Haymitch. 

Cato takes the lead on pushing the door open with his fingers, and god is he glad he did when he feels Clove practically sink like jello in his arms beside him. He feels her before he hears her little gasp, and Cato is looking at her, missing exactly what stands beyond the door frame that is bringing his girl down. Clove, though, couldn't miss it if she tried. 

“Well you two have looked better.” The cocky voice comes from just beyond the door frame, and Cato feels Clove’s hand slip from his just as he finally looks up to see who waits for them. 

Brutus and Enobaria. 

Their lifelong mentors. 

“Enobaria.” Clove whispers, before she is moving as fast as her legs can carry her to cross the couple of steps between them. Immediately, she throws her arms around the woman’s shoulders, clinging to her as she did seventeen years ago when she was the only person in the world to find her worth comforting. And like she had seventeen years prior, Enobaria pulls her close, her hair finding the back of her head as it had so so many times in her childhood. 

She is not just her mentor, no. This is the woman who raised her. This is who made her into a victor. It only took a war to see that.

“You’re alive.” Clove cries against her, as she buries her face against her shoulder. “You weren’t in Two, I thought you were dead.”

“Oh, we were there.” Enobaria promises, pulling Clove’s head back so that she can wipe at the tears under her eyes. 

“You should have seen her, the day that interview with Peeta aired. I heard you in the background, and in no more than thirty seconds she was in my living room demanding we get involved.” Brutus admits, holding out his arms and scooping up the tiny girl, for the first time in her entire life showing Clove any semblance of appreciation and affection. “You had half a district coming together in your defense, kid. All led by Enobaria.” 

He sets her back down, and no sooner do her feet hit the ground before Enobaria is back to hugging her. 

“I am so so so proud of you. Both of you.” Enobaria promises, running her hand over the crown of Clove’s hair, pushing all the curled fly aways back from her eyes. 

“I hate to say it and pad your already unmanageable ego, Cato, but I am too.” Brutus admits, running a hand over Cato’s head to ruffle his hair playfully. “I can’t believe you two joined a fucking war against the capitol.”

“We can’t either.” Cato admitted, brushing his fingers through his hair to settle the now fluffed blonde atop his head. “We didn’t really have a choice.”

“It was for the best, though.” Clove points out, practically hanging her arms around Enobaria’s shoulders as if she were still the little girl all those years ago. She can see the way Cato’s jaw is tightened, the way he is holding back a comment or remark of some sort. 

“Do you know anything about Cato’s family?” Clove asks for him, eyes flitting between Brutus and Enobaria for any trace of an answer. “His sister..”

“We don’t.” Brutus admits with a disgraced shake of his head. “We were so deep on the other side of the district.. We don’t know much about anyone. But we do know that we’ve never heard them in the counts of the dead.”

Cato just gives a single nod of his head, looking to the ground so as to not show disappointment. This was something. They had someone left alive. 

Clove lets go of Enobaria, immediately going to lace her hand with Cato’s, wrapping her other arm around his back before resting against him. It was always a comfort to him, just to touch her. 

“I’m sorry, Cato.” Enobaria frowns, reaching out to gently touch his upper arm in comfort. “Victor’s Village is still standing. That's about it. But it's still there, and I think it’ll be livable within a few months. At least I hope. I’m going to One until it’s finished.” She gestures to Brutus with a nod of her head. “Are you coming?” 

“I’ll go wherever I can get a Clove Kentwell breakfast. You know. The pancakes. With the chocolate chips.” 

They unpack the rest of the realities of District Two while the prep team comes and dresses Cato and Clove. 

Clove and Enobaria are dressed nearly identical, all black trench coats and slicked back hair. The difference relies in the bubbles down the length of Clove’s ever growing dark hair, versus the sleek straightened length of Enobaria’s. 

Cato leaves Clove’s side only for the sake of being whisked off to get dressed himself, and by God Clove just about undoes all the hard work of the stylists the minute she sees him in that all black ensemble. The black button down is unbuttoned nearly to the middle of his chest, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. 

“You know, for all I hate this whole capitol thing, they always did make you look good.” Clove grins, stepping forward to wrap her arms around his hips. 

“I did not miss seeing this.” Enobaria mumbles, tossing Cato’s black wool coat on top of Clove despite the appalled yelps from the stylists over Clove’s hair. “Can’t you two save this for literally any other time.” 

Cato smirks, wrapping his arms around Clove’s hips before turning her in his arms so they both faced their mentors. “Oh you are going to fucking hate the bitch in charge of this new country, Baria.”

—

Cato is not wrong. 

While they are all led into a conference style room, the looks of thinly veiled disdain are not hidden on Coin’s face.  

She has since cut her hair, but that is about the only new thing about a leader in what was once Snow’s conference space. Different sides of the same coin, and all that.

This is all that remains of a pool of what was fifty nine victors prior to the quell. Fourteen of them. 

Glimmer waves at them excitedly from where she is nestled between her siblings, and Finnick shoots them a million dollar smile from where he holds Annie’s hand atop the table. 

Katniss looks cold behind her eyes, but nobody can say they are surprised. Katniss Everdeen went to the games and led a war for the safety of her baby sister, just to come out on the other side without her. Primrose Everdeen would never see the safety of the new world her sister had created just for her. 

“We’re sorry for your loss, Katniss.” Annie offers in a soft voice, rubbing her hand atop Finnick’s hand. “Both of them.”

“Thank you.” Katniss said politely, but her gaze is trained on Alma Coin. 

“Both of them..?” Cato whispers to Finnick, who sits at his right.

“Prim and Gale. He got dragged off right before the second bomb. He was shot right before it ended.” 

Cato nor Clove offer condolences for that loss. 

“I have invited you all here for several reasons…but first i’d like to announce myself as the interim president of panem.” Coin starts, calling the meeting to a start without bothering to announce she is doing so. 

Cato is the first to shoot her a look of disbelief, followed by Clove and Haymitch.

“How long exactly is that?” Haymitch questions, echoing the confusion of every victor in the room. 

“The people will vote when the time is right. I’ve called you here for a much more important vote.” 

President Coin goes on about the execution of Snow to occur that afternoon, followed by an explanation of the trial of every peacekeeper, official, and capitol elite who was responsible for the war atrocities they had all faced. She targets Glimmer and Finnick with reminders of the abuse of the victors, and directs commentary on loss of life to Katniss. 

“An alternative plan. A majority for can approve it. Noone may abstain. In lieu of these barbaric executions we hold a symbolic Hunger Games”

“You want to hold a Hunger Games, with the Capitol Children?” Johanna Mason clarifies, a deranged giggle escaping her. 

“You’re Joking.”  comes Peeta. 

“Was this…Plurarch’s Idea?” Haymitch clarifies.

“It was mine.” 

The admission is enough for it all to fall into place for the surviving careers. This is what Haymitch had meant, when he has warned him to remember how she views them. Every capitol atrocity..how easily that could be assigned to them. 

“You may cast your vote.”

Peeta votes no, first. Citing the kind of mindset that started these uprisings as his reason. 

Johanna is next, and with a laugh she votes yes, claiming she wants to see Snow’s granddaughter in the arena. 

“Let them have a taste of it” is how Enobaria casts her yes. “After what they did to our people..Let me in the gamemakers room.”

“I agree. It’ll be the fastest game we ever have. These kids won’t be able to hold a sword.” Brutus gives as his yes. 

“No. I vote no.” Annie dissents. 

“Me too. Absolutely not. These kids are not responsible for the crimes of their parents. We have had enough bloodshed. I’ve been hurt as much as the next person by the Capitol. But we cannot keep punishing kids for the crimes of their ancestors. That's how we got to this point in the first place.” Finnick agrees with his wife, a firm and vocal no. “We need to end this. That's why we just had a war.”

“No. We need to stop seeing each other as enemies.” Beetee adds.

“We never got our chance to mentor.” Cato announces, wrapping an arm over Clove’s shoulders. “The things they did to Clove..If I could put their kids in the arena directly, I would. I’m not mentoring those ones though. I don’t want to see them win. Besides… I think we need one last game. Fuck yes.”

“What Cato said. I had my life ruined by Snow. They stole my identity. Fuck them.” Clove agrees, giving a firm nod of her head. “And what Enobaria said. Let them have a taste of how it feels to lose everything to the games. I don’t even want one of them to win. Absolutely Yes.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you all. Did we learn nothing? Did we stand up in those last games, did we fight this war for nothing?” Glimmer’s disbelief seeps into her voice as she looks frantically between her fellow victors, and hurt fills her eyes as she makes eye contact with her so-called friends. “What happened to no more children being sacrificed? I have been hurt as much as anyone by the Capitol..but I don’t want to kill their kids. How are we any different than snow if we condone and support the murder of children. That's what they are..that's what WE were! We were all kids when we won the games. We were children.. And shouldn’t we, as the adults who have survived it..want better for these kids. Shouldn’t we want better to protect our children? No. Absolutely not. I can’t believe you would support this.”

“I disagree.” Marvel admits, trying not to flinch when Glimmer recoils away from him in downright horror and disgust. “I have seen the things they did to you. They did them to me, too. I remember how hurt you have been. I remember what it’s like to be tortured in a basement, and I remember how it feels to hope you can hear your friend–” He looks to Clove, “Whimpering across the cinder block wall you share to have proof she is alive. Johanna is afraid of water. Clove lost her ability to defend herself. Annie lost her mind, and Peeta lost himself. And Glimmer, I lost you, because of what they have done to us.  So you know what? Yeah. Fuck them. I say yes.”

She is glad to be sitting between her siblings, who each take one of her hands in their own. 

“Noone else has the right to use our trauma and our abuse to justify further violence. I vote no.” Cashmere announces, making a point to shoot absolute daggers in the general direction of Marvel and the other careers. 

“You don’t get to weaponize our experiences. Only we can do that. And I stand with my sisters. I vote no.” Gloss agrees.

“It’s down to Katniss and Haymitch.” Coin announces, shifting her eyes between the two remaining revolutionaries. 

“I get to kill snow.” Katniss all but demands, and in that moment they know exactly which way her vote is going to go, and her yes will completely tip the scale in their favor. When Katniss votes “Yes. For Prim. “ it brings the vote to a solid 7 to 6. 

There is a wordless exchange between Katniss and Haymitch, and there is murder in her eyes. Whatever is said is well understood by both players. 

Haymitch holds the power to play peacekeeper or tip the scales and he does what he knows best. 

Haymitch sides with Katniss. Notably, he does not vote yes, more so that he is with the Mockingjay in whatever she brings to the table. 

“That Carries the vote. Excellent. We’ll announce the games tonight after the execution.” 

—

“What the fuck is wrong with you.” Glimmer grabs Clove by the shoulder as she passes her room, pulling her out of the hallway and into the privacy of a guest bedroom. “Was all of this for nothing, Clove?”

“What the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with you? You were raped and beaten and horrifically abused by the capitol and you don’t want a little bit of revenge?” Clove snarls, ripping her arm out of Glimmer’s grasp. “You want to lay down and be remembered for what they did to you, or do you want to be remembered for getting back at them? Think like a career, Glimmer.”

“You don’t get it, do you?! She isn’t going to stop with the Capitol kids! What happens when it’s not enough for her for it to be the kids of Capitol Elites. What about when it’s kids of ex loyalists in the districts? When It’s the kids of careers? Or even just the children of victors, Clove? What happens then?” Glimmer peaks into the hallway, to be especially sure they are alone. “Clove. You and I both know that neither of us are going to have kids. We know that. We are never having children. But you know who’s at risk under this whole plan? Cato’s little sister. Any kids of Annie and Finnick.”

“Glimmer, it’s just one last game–”

“That's what they always say, Clove. But it won’t. It won’t. And then it’ll be us again. She hates us. You said it yourself. She hates us and we are no safer under this plan than we were with Snow.”

How can Clove refute that when she knows, deep down, that it is alarmingly and painfully true. 

–

The knock on the door startles Katniss, who is catching the reflection of her Mockingjay costume for the last time. 

Clove doesn’t wait for permission to enter, and slips in through the unlocked door. She waits along the wall, hands tucked behind her back. “I’m sorry about your sister.” 

“Yeah, well, this is the least we can do for her, right?” Katniss slings her bow over her shoulder, before she turns to Clove. “This isn’t about Prim, is it?”

“We aren’t safe under her are we?” Clove whispers, fully aware that her words are probably treason and a one way ticket to her own execution. “This isn’t going to stop with one game.”

“No.” Katniss agrees, but does not vocalize which part. However, the look steely look when she locks eyes with Clove tells the other woman all she needs to know. “...do you still carry knives with you?”

“Of course I do, who do you think I am?”  Clove rolls her eyes, but stops another snarky remark from coming when she realizes there must be a reason for Katniss to ask such a thing. “..why?”

“I’d just say to have them ready. You know. In case I miss.” Katniss suggests before straightening her Mockingjay pin for the last time. 

“You don’t miss, Katniss.” Clove nearly laughs at the absurdity of it all. Katniss would never have made it this far if she were anything less than flawless with a bow. 

That being said, Clove would never have made it this far if she weren’t born to throw a knife.

“Neither do you.”

—

Katniss leads the march out to the execution, followed by a line of Victors who have been wronged in some way or the other by the Capitol. Clove is on the Far right, Cato immediately to her left with their hands interlocked. 

It is symbolic, as this whole thing is, that the remaining victors lead the march down the boulevard of the tributes, revolutionaries filling the stands on either side of their flanks.

“Bet you never thought we’d be doing this again.” Cato teases, giving her hand a light squeeze. When he turns to look at her face, hoping for any glimpse of a laugh, he catches the glint of something shining in her palm. 

No.. there's no way it’s that. 

“Bet you never thought we’d have survived a war before we turned twenty one.” Clove teases in response, rubbing her thumb over the back of his fingers. She is at the far end, and she cannot even see Glimmer, Marvel, Finnick, or Annie on the other side. Enobaria and Brutus walk in line with the two of them, and for the briefest moment, it reminds Clove of the end of a Victory Tour, when the victor is led to the President by her mentors and her team. Is this really all that different from that moment, anyway? 

It is somehow both the longest and shortest walk of Clove’s life, seeing as every other time she had been on this particular stretch had involved a horse and chariot ride. 

The end approaches as soon as it starts. Clove feels a tightening in her chest that stretches all the way across her back. It isn’t quite panic, and it isn’t fear. It is the kind of heart racing she felt in the beginning of every day of training, how she felt when the podiums rose in the hunger games. 

It’s adrenaline. 

Katniss is at the front of their pack, yes, but from where she stands on the far right end she has a clear shot at the president tied to a wooden pole.  It’s less than 20 feet, there's no possible way Katniss would just..miss?

Coin is beginning her ramble about a shot to end all wars, about the end of tyranny, but Clove is focused on Katniss. 

“Babe, what are you doing?” Cato whispers, noting the way she does not even look up to the president as she speaks, nudging her with his shoulder. 

She does not budge. 

“Mockingjay. May your aim be as true as your heart is pure.” 

Clove sees the decision the minute Katniss makes it, and suddenly she gets what she meant by miss. 

This was her gift to Clove.

Katniss’s chin and shoulders tilt up at the same moment the handle of the knife slips from around Clove’s forearm and into her palm. 

In the same moment that Katniss releases the arrow, there is a gasp of shock when it is not an arrow that pierces Snow’s heart but a knife that lodges itself right between his eyes. 

Coin falls to the ground with an arrow to her heart as Snow’s skull splits in two. 

He had taken this very thing from her, he had taken her aim and her strength, he had taken what made Clove Clove. 

Two leaders were dead, the fate of Panem now resting in the unknown hands of democracy for the first time ever. 

Peeta slaps something out of Katniss' hands, just as she is pulled away by guards. Clove lets out a laugh, throwing her head back as Cato  is the one to grab her and pulls her to the side. 

This is what all those countless hours of training with Cato had been for. To get Clove back. 

And that's the thing about Clove Kentwell. 

She never misses. 

—

Clove does not face the same consequences as Katniss in the aftermath. He was scheduled to die– as far as it is seen Clove simply carried out a mission Katniss abandoned. 

It is the victors who write a litany of letters in immediate support of Katniss Everdeen’s release. They write of tyranny and the horrors the country would have faced under Alma Coin, terrors that are not at all unlike the dictatorship they just escaped. 

All together, there are letters from Cato, Clove, Marvel, Glimmer, Johanna, Finnick, Annie, and Beetee that are brought together in their undying, complete, and total support for Katniss Everdeen and her decisions that day. Victors will always support their fellow Victors. 

“We’ll see you soon, in One?” Marvel checks the morning after the executions, leaning on the doorframe of the guest room Cato and Clove are currently packing their minimal belongings to leave. “Glimmer..hopefully she’ll move past all her issues with us all soon. You can stay with me.” 

They do agree to go to One, first. The train doesn’t even stop in Two, all things considered, and from the discussions with Enobaria it would be futile to even stop. Their home was in shambles. They need time to heal before addressing the crumbled castles of their childhood.

“Come on, we get our own train car!” Enobaria reminds them as they stand on that train platform, Her own minimal luggage in her hands. “We won’t have to listen to Cash and Gloss lecture us until we arrive in the district, isn’t that a real treat.”

Clove cannot seem to will herself to take the steps forward towards the doors of the train. The last time they  had taken them had been to this very spot, where neither of them had intended to come back. Even though they are not going home– and likely will not for many months– it was just the right side of unbelievable. 

“It’s kind of crazy, isn’t it?” Clove looks to Cato, holding her hand out for him to take. “For the first time in our lives.. We can do anything. We can have anything. We can go anywhere in the world we want. Just..not home.”

“We’ll go home, one day.” He promises, before he bypasses her hand and instead wraps his arms around her shoulders. Cato rests his chin atop her head before kissing the crown of her hair. “We survived three Hunger Games between us. A little bit of post-war reconstruction has to be nothing, right?”

Clove snorts, leaning back in his arms as they take in the remnants of the Capitol together. “Yeah, but post war reconstruction involves us living with Glimmer and Marvel. We’ll be finding Glitter in our hair for the rest of our lives.”

“If the rest of our lives are a hundred years, I will be happy to smell like glitter and roses for all of them.” Cato promises, leaning down further to kiss her on the cheek more properly. “What do you think we do now?”

“....we live our lives?” Clove offers with the tiniest shrug, before she turns in his arms. “I love you. I don’t say it enough. But I love you, Cato. More than anything else in the world.”

“I know.” He promises his girl, leaning down so that their foreheads touched despite the massive height difference. “And I love you, too. But you already knew that.”

“You forgot something. You said we survived three Hunger Games, and reconstruction. But we survived an entire war, Cato. We survived the greatest war in Panem history.”  Clove points out, before she laces her arms around his neck and rests them there. 

“Will you two get on the train?” Brutus grumbles as he walks past, shaking his head in fake disdain. “You two never change, do you?”

“You may be adults who survived torture and a war, but I’ll still beat your ass if you have sex on this train.” Enobaria threatens from the doorway, waving her hand towards her. “Seriously, come on, I’m already tired of babysitting you two again.”

Clove laughs. Genuinely laughs as she leans back in his arms, taking a step back and nodding towards the train. 

They pause in the doorway, giving one last look over the Capitol as they remember it. They’d be back, probably, but never quite like this. Never in the shadows of war. Not as the remnants of the teen tributes they still feel like they are. 

“You know, how you said everything is going to change for the better?” Clove asks her husband, sliding her arm through his, resting her hand on the crook of his elbow as she rests her head on his shoulder. She lets out a content sigh, and smiles against his arm. 

“Yeah?” Cato cranes his head down to look at Clove, at the girl who has quite literally been at his side for the last fifteen years of his life. And now, she’d be there for the next fifteen. The next fifty, if they were lucky. It’s about time that the odds were in their favor. 

“I think you were right.” 

[akookminsupporter]

Don't you think some rjs and producers are over doing the hype for seven ? Them challenging its going to be everywhere around the world, #1 worldwide and what not but in reality 99% of kpop songs won't go viral. Even dreamers a world cup song. And especially in kpop community they have a hate boner to anything bts so they don't even use bts songs for kpop edits. Even armys are not good at keeping a song stable on charts.

So to challenge something like this when it can only be confirmed after song is released no matter how good a song is. Dynamite BTS's biggest release ever is not viral. Is it one if their most popular song ? Yes. But viral like Gagnam style? Definitely not. Now this is a solo release, name Jungkook is definitely not known like locals know about brand BTS so I think they can low down their hype and see how the song actually performs before being smug about it. The over hype only cause more dragging by antis. Like Bang PD hyped Txt- Jonas brothers song so much only for it to flop. The only way to make SEVEN the iconic they want it to be is by heavy payola, tons of radio, heavy playlisting, ads on YouTube and spotify etc etc which at the end of the day is not considered organic at all.

Didn't Face's producers and everyone around the album do the same thing with the album and Like Crazy and SMFpt2? They hype up the song like crazy, before they came out. That's called promotion, isn't it? As far as I've seen they've done that in reference to the fans. Jungkook's fans. And they've done the normal promotion regarding the song everywhere.

Is a viral song synonymous with success? I've seen viral songs on TikTok that don't have huge numbers on Spotify, for example. There are songs that are viral that never even made the top 10 of the billboard hot 100. So are they promoting the song to be viral or to be successful?

ARMYs aren't good at keeping a song stable in the charts? You're saying anything, Anon.

Your implication at the end of your post is insulting but it showed your true intention with this Ask: to plant the idea that if the song is successful and viral, it was because of fraud, because the company paid for it to be so and not because the song and Jungkook made it happen.

The funny and embarrassing thing with people like you, antis, Solos, akgaes, is that you guys don't know how to pretend, you learn a narrative and repeat it everywhere ergo it's easy to identify you.

I bet this ask is a copy and paste that you and probably many of you have sent to different blogs.

[thekingofwinterblog]

Doubling Down On Bad Choices

So with the journal, I've seen people reignite the question of how much guilt Marcy felt about getting her friends stranded in a fantasy world, vs how much she herself loved it, and how she was willing to ignore how sucky it was for her friends.

However, what I find far, far most fascinating, and a much better insight Into Marcy herself is this page post, where she clearly shows guilt of getting them stranded here, and how she writes that she is still not ready to talk about it, showcasing that at this point she understands that she has to talk about it with them sooner or later.

Except she never does.

During the events of "Day at the Aquarium", Marcy makes the conscious choice NOT to tell Anne or Sasha about it at all, when she accepts Andrias offer.

Just like Sasha, Marcy makes the mistake of doubling down on her previous ones, and makes the choice to not only reveal her own guilt, but also makes the choice to betray both Anne and Sasha in the process.

All because of her greatest fears of being alone. She got them stranded in this world in order not to be alone, an impulsive, and selfish decision on her part that a large part of her did not think would actually work, but it did.

This second time is the opposite however. This time Marcy truly believes that this harebrained scheme that Andrias is putting for her(Which he has no intentions of even trying to make work in practise) will work, but this time it isn't impulsive. It is a calculated betrayal where she fully understands how wrong it is.

And in the end, it blows up in her face as Marcy is narrativly punished for her betrayals, and her choice not to even attempt to tell Sasha and Anne about what she did, by having ALL of it exposed in the absolutely worst way possible.

And rather than truly apologize, as she should have done from the start, she instead doubles down. Rather than beg for forgiveness, she instead explains, and tries to convince Anne and Sasha that this was actually a good thing, and that she isn't a horrible girl for having gotten her two best friends stranded in this world.

Which in turn all contributes so much into making her greatest fear come true. By doubling down on her choice not to tell Anne and Sasha, Marcy ends up being alone in the world.

And later, when we're exposed to Marcy's biggest fears, where she finally does apologize, what does the nightmare Anne and Sasha say?

"It's too late, we want nothing to do with you, ever again!"

Too late Mar-Mar. You should have told us this while we were in Amphibia. Instead you hid it away and never told us while planning on yanking our chain while lying to us... Forever. How can we ever trust anything you ever say again? We don't want to have to suffer you, EVER AGAIN!

To which Marcy is just left a blubbering, begging mess, having been confronted with the idea that due to her having made the conscious choice to never tell them, she has broken her friendships, and the trust Anne and Sadha had in her beyond any hope of repair.

[supportingfire]

thinking about thoma's kindness and how yes, it can be used against him if done by the right (wrong?) people, but i feel people forget that it can and is used to his advantage as well. i've made posts vaguely about this in the past before i'm sure (i've had this blog years now) so just bear with me.

not to say thoma being a genuinely nice person isn't genuine, it is. he meets everyone with the same optimism, that it's a potential new connection. but, the moment you give him reason to doubt your intent is the moment he can change that. it's a lot harder for him to notice when people who are close to him take advantage of him (which doesn't happen a lot, mind you, but it has in the past and it might in the future), but if you're just meeting, he's very aware of the concept that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

thoma is not afraid to use charm and kindness to better manipulate a situation in his favor. he tries not to, but he absolutely will if neseccary. he knows he can be underestimated by always being the "nice guy", so most people don't see it coming when he turns around and flashes the bit of power that he has. whether it be physically, politically, you name it. i always think back about that quest where the guy wanted to upcharge what was it - candles? - for some festival and thoma, smiling the whole time, ruined his reputation and had him begging to let him sell his goods, even at a lower price to not be ruined.

he's not an idiot. he's rather smart, in fact. smart enough to know he doesn't do intimidation well, and that his biggest asset is his connections to other people, and his ability to connect to people in general. he also knows he's not physically the strongest out there (though i stand by that he's incredibly skilled in a fight. brute force ain;t everything), but rarely does thoma ever have to fight. he can talk his way out of most things, and he knows it.

so long as you don't cross him or the things he cares about, you will always get an authenticity from thoma that is hard to come by. but the second you give him the ick, his smile might as well be your downfall.

[keeperoftinyarmy]

Could it be easier for people to start talking about their dislike towards Tae since he hasn't been connecting as much to army and at least on screen to the other members (apart from the runbts episodes we got). We know there's a lot we don't see, even Hobi told us that Tae was very supportive of his solo stuff when it was happening, but we just didn't see it. And now what we see is Tae hanging out with his other friends and doing non-bts related content. He is free to do what he wants as are the other members, but it has felt like he's been making a boundary so to speak, either consciously or by accident. I personally miss seeing more of Tae in bts related things or with the other members so the live was a fun surprise. But I don't blame him from pulling back, if that's what he's done, there's a part of the fandom that hasn't really treated him well, especially last year. I don't always understand him and I don't have to, I'm just a fan, but I can't really think he would have any malicious intents behind his actions. Maybe he's a little bit of a tease sometimes, but they all are.

(by the way I've loved seeing you more on my dash lately, your blog was one of the first ones I followed when I came into the fandom and I've been missing the old times, it's nice to see you're still here)

I actually rarely see hate toward V. The spaces I frequent in fandom are very much filled with love for him. He’s the bias of so many people. I’ve really only seen any “mass” (I put it in quotes because I actually don’t feel it’s widespread at all) negativity toward Tae in jikook spaces..especially of late.

To me…we haven’t seen V less than the other members. (To me the least visible was Jimin - until Face began and of course Jin) V has been posting his photo shoot pictures, random shots and stories, and he’s commented on weverse. He also has his on solo projects - like all the rest - so yes he’s promoting them. Mentioning the Wooga Squad and showing pics with them etc is expected since he’s had Friendcation and Jinnys Kitchen.

Also he’s on a group break, his time is more his own, so he gets to spend time with friends in ways he probably couldn’t for years. I’ve always loved that he had the Wooga squad. It’s healthy and normal to have friendships outside of work. And no matter how much BTS love each other, it is still work for them. So as they’ve mentioned it has been good for them being more apart and it actually has made them closer. 💜

I think the main issue here is lack of consistent BTS content…OT7 content. We don’t have that to pull our focus together so some people are bored and stirring things up. (Not to say that people don’t legitimately dislike Taehyung - his personality is not for everyone) Jikookers especially have no reason (imo) to be saying stuff about Tae. Even if he didn’t say much publicly during Face promotions, JK more than made up for it.

I feel like we took JK’s efforts too lightly. IMO this might have been the biggest public statement he’s ever made. This is a man that consistently pulls in huge numbers of viewers on his lives and he used that to first remind people that SMFpt2 was coming and basically led them to it right at teaser release. Then he spent an entire live watching Jimin content. This is using his platform in a huge way. We should be on our couches still squealing about that and not getting into it with other shippers who are disappointed in their own content and taking out their misery on certain members. I personally have ignored all that (for years) because to me nothing compares to what we get from jikook and I have nothing to debate about with other pairings.

Thank you for following me and noticing I’m back. So kind of you to mention that ☺️

[samethstarr]

1 year as a Sonic artist :)

I wasn't going to share this because I find it painfully embarrassing, but a friend told me someone else might find it inspiring so here we go, I guess. Today it has been exactly 1 year since I started making Sonic fanart.

The first was a simple Sonic Frontiers picture, I believe a friend of mine had recently finished their play-through so we were constantly geeking out over the game. As a result of posting art into the fandom, I was starting to peek into the community a little more and I noticed that the IDW comic fans were freaking the heck out. Issue #55 had come out and I kept seeing these panels from it:

I had seen Starline a few times before and was mildly curious about him, but my first impression of him was that he was a comic relief character. I thought people liked him because he was comically extra. But people were talking about how messed up he was and I was intrigued because he had clearly died at some point and left some sort of mess for everyone, serious enough that the heroes and villains were teaming up to deal with it.

The art for this issue is amazing and combined with the realization that Starline was actually a kind of serious villain, I just HAD to know more. Once I started seriously reading the comic there was no more hope for me, I was hooked. I did some fanart of Starline in January and people loved it, which made me even more interested in the community. I like positive attention and Starline fans are really really really nice to people who feed them. Shoutout to Starline fans for being so awesome to newcomers.

It was a bit of a one off for me skill wise, but I put a LOT more effort into it than I had put into anything else for a long time. The attention I got motivated the heck out of me. I felt appreciated.

I ended up joining several communities, I've made friends, I've done 4 Bumblekast thumbs, I got accepted into 2 zines, one of which I completed a 5 page comic for and the other one is probably one of the coolest things I have ever drawn in my life and I can't even share it here T.T

But the biggest thing starting Sonic fanart did for me is it got me practicing and studying. Not just drawing pictures and improving after each one; I was drawing with the intent to build skill, not to create a final result. I seriously wanted to work to improve.

My main goal for this year ended up being figuring out an effective method for learning how to draw characters and objects on model in general. Not just Sonic characters, any character I want.

I improved a lot with technique and my eye for color has improved a little too. I've got a knack for technical drawing, so I pick up things like perspective really quickly, but I have a difficult time making things look organic and I still struggle with that, but I am getting better.

What I'm gonna need to focus on for the next year is looking like general composition, dynamic poses, and expressions. With the amount of improvement I've seen this last year, I'm curious what kind of skills I'll have this time next year.

[dontlookdown]

Nick’s Favourite Music of 2023

It’s that time of year again (three weeks into January because to hell with arbitrary deadlines) where I look back at the music I enjoyed from the previous year. Once again, I’m sticking with the single post, capsule review format I used last year, because it turns out working full-time leaves you with less time to spend on other stuff (seems pretty fucked up if you ask me).

It never feels like my listening habits are changing year on year, but it’s interesting to note the differences in hindsight. For instance, this will be the first time I don’t crown an “album of the year”. Ultimately, there wasn’t a full-length release that broke through my admittedly ridiculously high standards. That said, 17 of the songs on this list come from albums I really enjoyed listening to, and the other 3 are standalone singles, so it’s fair to say the overall quality of 2023’s music was pretty good. I had to put in the time and listen and re-listen to a lot of different artists to come to that conclusion, but it feels like I’ve gone on a similar journey for the last four years in a row now. And, because I always end up discovering plenty of new acts and settling on 20 songs that I truly love that I’m excited to share, I never feel like that time and energy has been wasted!

Below, you’ll find the list of my 20 favourite songs of 2023 (YouTube links in the headings, Spotify embed at the bottom), along with a few words about why I love each particular one. Let’s go!

Foo Fighters – “Under You”

I wish it had been under happier circumstances, but I was seriously impressed with But Here We Are. I’ve never thought of Foo Fighters as an album band (great singles though), but this might the strongest, most-focused one they’ve done. “Rescued” was an instant knockout, and the title track is a potent reminder that Dave Grohl is still probably the best yeller in rock (as anyone who’s attempted to shout along with “The Pretender” in a crowded club will attest). But the song I kept coming back to was the simplest, and probably the most straight-forward rocker they’ve ever made. Something about the chorus of “Under You” really tugs on my heartstrings, even beyond its clear intention as loving tribute to Taylor Hawkins. I always tend to start these lists with a big bright firework of a song. This was the biggest and brightest of the year.

Ratboys - “Black Earth, WI”

I love a big rock song that wanders off into the horizon and takes its time to get where it’s going, slowly growing before your ears. It seems like we’re getting more bands lately that specialise in that kind of thing, in the wake of The War on Drugs’ breakthrough, and apparently the kids on TikTok are getting into shoegaze so there’ll be more to come. Good!

Big Thief – “Vampire Empire”

Another Big Thief classic to add to their growing pile. This is apparently one they’ve been workshopping in live performances for a few years. That work has paid off beautifully.

Geese – “3D Country”

Another rock stroller. This one has some strong Exile on Main Street vibes, with the soulful backing singers and steely guitar touches really making it stand out from the crowd. The video is just as fun as the song.

Yard Act – “The Trench Coat Museum”

I've commented before on the small explosion of post-punk bands we had in the UK a few years ago. In many cases, it felt like the bands were yet to reach their full potential. Some are beginning to get there. Both Black Country, New Road and Black Midi blew me away last year with bold and unique evolutions of their respective sounds. Yard Act might be the next group to level up, this time by flirting with dance music while keeping the ironic point of view from their previous work. “The Trench Coat Museum” is another track that allows a band to stretch their musical legs, and I love that the song has been stretched to 12” remix length, with all the little shifts in tone you’d expect from dabbling in Madchester town.

Jessie Ware – “Freak Me Now”

Speaking of songs I’d want to hear in the club, Jessie Ware adjusted the disco recipe she was serving in 2020 to add a French house flavour this year. The result was even more delectable.

Olivia Rodrigo – “love is embarrassing”

It seems like I’m going against the grain with this pick. Not that people were disappointed with Olivia Rodrigo’s second album (quite the opposite, she delivered on GUTS), but I haven’t seen anyone else highlight this particular track. I’m not complaining. I’d normally expect a song like “love is embarrassing”, with its fast tempo and new wave-inspired guitars and gated drums to be a perfect pick for a single. The fact is isn’t one (yet) is testament to how good this album really is.

Fireworks – “Veins in David’s Hand”

I’m a simple man. If you start a song with a loud, ringing solo guitar riff, you’ve got my attention. Everything else Fireworks do on “Veins in David’s Hand” holds onto it. Exhilarating stuff.

Model/Actriz – “Mosquito”

As I mentioned at the start, I’m not declaring an “album of the year” this time around. Instead, I want to recommend one specific album that I’d like more people to check out: Dogsbody by New York noise rock band Model/Actriz. When it came time to put together a shortlist from all the 2023 tracks in my collection (trimming down over 400 songs to around 50), I ended up putting five tracks from this album on it, the most from any act by some distance. That’s quite an achievement for a debut release. “Mosquito” is the most attention-grabbing track, due to its pounding industrial chorus, but there is so, so much more where that came from. Check them out.

King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard – “Supercell”

Since getting my socks blown off by “The Dripping Tap” in 2022, I have now listened to everything King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard have released. Good band! I will confess that I prefer the harder, more rocking stuff that they do less frequently, but that means I was eagerly awaiting PetroDragonic Apocalypse after hearing it was a return to the thrash metal sound of Infest the Rats' Nest. It did not disappoint!

SOFT PLAY – “Punk’s Dead”

In 2022, having been on hiatus for a few years, the band Slaves changed their name to Soft Play. Being a punk band these days comes with the baggage of people projecting their own weird ideas of what “punk” means onto you, and some of their fans (the kind that like to use words like “snowflake” as insults) had did not like this change. So, Soft Play did what any self-respecting punk band would do in that situation: take all of that bad-faith criticism and hammer it into a red-hot poker of a song. For what it’s worth, I think "Soft Play" is the better name for this band. While some punk bands do have lofty aims about sharp political commentary and challenging discourse, this band has never really had those aspirations. Their biggest song on streaming is about forgetting where you parked. Musically, they’ve always sounded like rowdy kids on a bouncy castle copying moves they’ve seen on WWE (I say this as a compliment), and based on the video for “Punk’s Dead”, the band might agree. At its core, “punk” is just about airing frustrations. Sometimes that just means having fun while making a racket. Which is exactly what this band has always done. Isaac Holman stills snarls like a wolf and pounds the shit out of his floor toms which, combined with Laurie Vincent’s chainsaw guitar work, gives the song the impact of a steam-powered sledgehammer. Blunt? Sure, but “Punk’s Dead” is not a song that’s aiming for subtlety. It’s a purposeful spit in the eye of people who cling to a narrow view of a genre that outgrew them a long time ago: “JOHNNY ROTTEN IS TURNING IN HIS BED! I WAS GONNA SAY ‘GRAVE’ BUT THE FUCKER AIN’T DEAD!” Welcome back, lads.

White Reaper – “Fog Machine”

Speaking of things not being dead, any old fart complaining about the lack of rock music being made these days needs to listen to White Reaper and shut the fuck up.

Militarie Gun – “Never Fucked Up Once”

The thing about punk singers is that they don’t so much “sing” as “chant”, as in the vocals are more designed to be sung along with, rather than just heard. So, if a punk band slows things down a bit (but keeps it loud) and gets everyone involved in belting out the chorus? Instant anthem. Despite its title, “Never Fucked Up Once” is a song about regrets. But, somehow, yelling along with it makes those regrets disappear.

boygenius – “Not Strong Enough”

Words can barely express how happy I was to see Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers and Lucy Dacus regroup as Boygenius and break through to the mainstream this year. Having previously sung the praises of their debut EP, my expectations for a full album were high, but the ladies dropkicked those expectations into the sun and scored a boatload of Grammy nominations in the process. As all three members have distinctive voices, people tend to pick apart the songs to identify who wrote what. That’s missing the point, as the songs on the record are stronger than the sums of their parts (regardless of how good those parts are), and it’s the songs that are clear results of the three of them working together that are the strongest. “Not Strong Enough” is one of them, and it just fucking soars. It sounds exactly like the cover art, with Baker, Bridgers and Dacus all extending their reach to the sky. I’m excited to see them rise even further. Song of the year.

Anohni and the Johnsons – “Rest”

By contrast, “Rest” feels like Anohni is digging into her soul for some real catharsis. It recalls the Muscle Shoals soul sound of “Fistful of Love”, but a thousand times rawer. You can feel every cubic centimetre of the studio it was recorded in as the guitars and drums smash into each other and echo off the walls. Spiritual and spellbinding.

Nation of Language – “Spare Me the Decision”

An echo of a different kind, now. I last spoke about Nation of Language back in 2021, when they were specialising in the kind of upbeat synthpop tunes that I enjoy a lot. In 2023, they got darker on their third album Strange Disciple, with sparser arrangements that sound more unsettled. Single “Weak In Your Light” was a genuine shock when I first heard it. “Spare Me the Decision” is brighter than that, but still carries a deep sadness with it. It deliberately holds back from giving too much. Even as multiple synths start to build up, they mostly only play single sustained notes, giving everything a sense of trepidation that befits the title.

Julie Byrne – “Portrait of a Clear Day”

It’s hard to add anything when the title of a song tells you everything you need to know. This is atmospheric and beautiful and the most graceful thing I heard all year.

Sufjan Stevens – “Will Anybody Ever Love Me?”

The incredible thing about Sufjan Stevens is that, despite working for decades within his own specific niche to the point where you could’ve guessed that “Will Anybody Ever Love Me?” was a song of his based solely on the title, he’s still finding ways to push the boundaries of that niche. Like all of his albums (even the ones that are supposedly about specific American states), Javelin was full of beautifully delicate songs of longing. But these songs were more direct than usual, and supported by expansive arrangements that allow them to grow and blossom into much larger statements on life.

Indigo De Souza – “Younger & Dumber”

There’s plenty of great moments across these 20 songs, but none quite as meaningful as the 2:50 mark in “Younger & Dumber” where Indigo De Souza spreads her wings and sings “And the love I feel is so powerful it can take you anywhere”. This is a slow burning fire that will leave your soul singed.

Joanna Sternberg – “I've Got Me”

I hesitate to call this one “cute” considering how much it focuses on self-deprecation, but that is my first thought when hearing songs as understated as this. It feels like every line should be punctuated with an exclamation mark that is both ironic and earnest at the same time, especially as a bouncing bassline makes an appearance and Joanna’s grows in confidence. It’s a song that can be interpreted in opposing ways depending on your mood. As a closer, I think it’s pretty perfect.

Thanks for reading! If you fancy reading more from me, I’ve done similar lists/series for every year going back to 2011 (and basic lists for 2008-2010). Just copy and paste this link (https://dontlookdown.tumblr.com/tagged/best-of-20xx) and edit the year to see them!

[invinciblerodent]

if you haven't already.... you should post that oc info for arvid 👀

Yay, an excuse, thank you! :D (Long ramblings under the cut!) (excuse the darkness of the screenshot, my laptop is currently angry with photoshop)

Arvid Trygg

Full Name: As above! Fun fact- "trygg" comes from the Old Norse "tryggr", and essentially means "faithful". It's my headcanon for the name children raised in the church get in that area if they don't have a last name of their own- a bit like the "John Snow" of Faerun. (His mom only told the monks to name him Arvid, but left no other information about herself or her desires for him, and was gone by the next morning. So for all intents and purposes, his full name is essentially "Bother Arvid", which as a warrior priest is what he was casually referred to as the most.)

Gender and Sexuality: Short answer, bisexual man. Long answer, if only he knew enough to figure it out. As of right now, he's... mostly confused? Because while he's fairly sure he's a man, having literally lived the past 35 years as a holy man, he didn't much think of sexuality in any context. He may have had some mild crushes here and there, but didn't really think further about any of them. Nowadays he's slowly realizing that actually, not only does his dick work (surprise of all surprises), he also doesn't much care about gender as much as personality, and is very attracted to earnestness and gentleness in people, even more if they don't try to hide it. (It's a lot of "baby's first attempts at flirting" with him.)

Pronouns: Most comfortable with he/him, but sees no reason to be bothered by they/them either. The beard mostly deters people from attempting she/her, so I don't think he has any feelings about that.

Ethnicity/Species: He was raised as- and thinks of himself as a gold dwarf, but technically, his dad was a duergar. His mother lived in a very conservative area and was very young when she had him, so she broke off any relationship with the father when she learned she was pregnant, and hid the pregnancy from everyone. She went to the nearest monastery to give birth, and when she saw the (then much more pronounced) blue hue of her son, she decided that the best thing she can do for him is to leave him there to be raised by the monks. That way he gets a roof that her father would deny them, a life away from people in the village pointing fingers at him, and she gets her life back. (Arvid doesn't blame her for any of this. He thinks it was unfortunate because he would have liked to know his parents, but it was nevertheless the right decision to make. His skin's greyish-blue has since faded into this slightly bluish, pale color.) (He blushes purple, you guys. Purple. So cute.)

Birthplace and Birthdate: About 1460 DR, in a Tempuran monastery near a small dwarven village in the Western Heartlands (quite a ways South from Baldur's Gate), making him roughly 35 at the events of the game.

Guilty Pleasures: I think even though he's not experienced with it, he just loves reading about romance. You know there's that unauthorized copy of that bawdy play ("A Pleasurable Deal") we can find in a certain area of the game? Yeah, he saved that book, AND the leaflet that's an interview with the author. That was the first piece of explicitly smutty literature he's ever had access to, and... yeah. While he doesn't announce that he likes romance, he definitely keeps the enjoyment of smut buried deep in the bottom of his pack.

Phobias: So far, I don't think he has any notable ones. I mean, he's definitely got a healthy aversion from a bunch of things and isn't the biggest fan of gross monsters, but few are. I've yet to find out his biggest fear, but so far I'm toying with something like... that dawning horror that you did something irreversible and irredeemably horrible out of misinformation? Though I don't know how to phrase that in a concise manner.

What They Would Be Famous For: This one remains to be seen, I'll update it once I'm actually done with the game lol.

What They Would Get Arrested For: Definitely trespassing. Maybe breaking and entering. Probably heard someone in distress and immediately went to them, the dingus.

OC You Ship Them With:

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: (these don't really apply I think)

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: After a lifetime of little besides holy texts, he's kind of a fan of anything that's... not that. But definitely a romantic at heart, and if they ever "accidentally" pick up a romance novel, it mysteriously evades the trash-pile for a few days at least.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: I'm gonna say it's the "it was all a dream, and not in the vision- or astral projection-way". He always prefers honesty and straightforwardness, it's always a bummer when he realizes someone wasn't entirely truthful about something. (He doesn't realize that often.)

Talents and/or Powers: Well, he's a rather talented soldier and cleric, but I'd say a talent specifically is how he can leverage that aura if necessary. Mechanically, he has proficiency in intimidation, but hardly ever uses it- I headcanon that he doesn't really like using threats to get his way and prefers to be nice and persuasive instead, but has this... way, of shifting his weight and voice that makes him seem like someone not to be trifled with. (Only uses it when the Vibes on he encounter are already Fetid.) He's also got a lot of domestic skills, from helping out around he monastery from a very young age. Remarkably good at peeling potatoes and chopping onions. Crochets cute scarves in the evenings. (He's... not SUPER great at that one, a long rectangle is about what he can make, but it's a really sweet gesture, they're warm, and they do look pretty darn cute.)

Why Someone Might Love Them: He's a very gentle soul that's very non-judgemental, and curious about everything- especially other people's faiths. To him, as long as you believe in something wholeheartedly and are willing to fight for it, it's an honorable belief, and an honorable fight. That's why he doesn't judge Shadowheart for her Shar-worship, why he understands Lae'zel's devotion to Vlaakith, why he was willing to try the ritual for Loviatar, and, yeah, why he feels for Gale so deeply on the whole Mystra-issue. (And, because he's definitely very much into Gale, just in general.)

Why Someone Might Hate Them: I feel like that honor is a double-edged sword in this way, in that because of it, he has a way of setting expectations very high for others, and feeling undue disappointment when they fall short of the expectations he imposed on them. As in, he's, on a deep level, very annoyed with Gale for just accepting that he's gonna have to blow up, because Arvid thinks of that as Gale having rolled over and just given up. One of the worst things one can do in Arvid's eyes is giving up without a fight. (Things were kind of tense between them for a few days after meeting Elminster. After the fussy attention Arvid showers everyone in as their healer, I think Gale definitely felt the slight chill in the air there.)

How They Change: It's still a bit in progress, but I think he'll grow to accept that there's a bit more to the world than fully right and fully wrong, even within the same action, and the same paradigm. The way he handled the githyanki egg is definitely a sign of that change- he balked at the request first, it seemed unthinkable that it could in any way be better for a young gith to be raised outside of their community, but... yeah, wiping out a crèche (leaving nobody left to take care of it) and finding a note that the egg was going to be destroyed changed his perspective on things. At small hours when he can't sleep, he still thinks about what's gonna happen to that githyanki (and when he handed it over, he did look at the others and say "I hope we're all in agreement that we're not going to tell Lae'zel about this.", which is... not a lie that leaves a good taste in his mouth.)

Why You Love Them: I mean, he's a good li'l upstanding lawful good cleric boy who thinks letting a vampire bite him is the same as providing healthcare, and makes his companions cute accessories to keep them nice and cozy. He's the dwarf dad(dy?) we all need, with a fantasy fanny pack full of fruit snacks. (Really, he does carry almost all their rations on the road. So technically, he does pass out the snacks. I imagine a short rest is pretty much a snack break.)

His mustache curving up like that also gives him a permanent little smile, which I think is adorable.