#and trying to make choices for myself and set my own boundaries and stuff and its really weird and makes me feel like im doing wrong

[straykats]

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[idrellegames]

As an IF author that does this with a "this is my job" mindset I find it hard to do other things in my day to day because whenever I pick up my phone I feel like I am at work and I feel like I constantly think about my story.

Do you have any tips or advice on how to separate myself from my work and stop thinking about it 24/7?

Thank you!

Having a clear division between work and regular life is really important. I think it can be a little harder to do if developing an IF isn't your full-time gig. If you're working a job or are in school and you're packing IF development on top of it, then it can get really tricky to balance.

I also think that if you're working on a large, long-term project, it's a good and normal part of the writing process to think a lot about your story. Not all writing is done when you are actively writing. Daydreaming about your characters and your story lets you work out different kinks and make new discoveries.

So, you have a couple of choices here. You can reframe IF as your hobby, the thing you do in your free time for fun. Take away the pressure of thinking about it like work. You can pick away at it when the mood strikes, write on your own terms, and if you stop having fun with it, it's okay to slam on the breaks and put it aside until you're ready to come back to it.

But if you want to continue treating it as work or if it is already is your job, then you need to set some boundaries for yourself. This is going to be different for everyone; what works for me might not necessarily work for you. But here are a few things you can try:

Set a schedule. Try to contain the times when you are actively working on your project to within certain regular hours. Set different times for different parts of your job. For example, I only do social media management (tumblr inbox and notifications, Patreon, email, itch etc) during the first couple hours of my morning and then the rest of my work day is for writing and/or coding. I don't get through everything, but it's okay. It's really important for online creators not to fall into the trap of feeling like they have to answer everyone immediately, otherwise you will not get anything done.

If you manage social media for your IF, have separate accounts for your personal stuff and work stuff. I have two tumblr accounts, one that manages this sideblog and the other for personal fandom things. Logging out of my work account and into my personal one means that I'm not seeing notifications from this blog and I'm not tracking Wayfarer stuff. It really helps me keep work as work and downtime as downtime.

Separate your work and downtime spaces. Sometimes it's just as simple as working in one room and relaxing in another. This can be a bit tricky if you only have one device that you work from. I have a PC so I can't move it around, so if I'm using it to game later I try to change up my space (by getting a different chair or changing something else about my set up) so I have some kind of physical difference to trick my brain into going from "work mode" to "relax mode". Sometimes I have to get out of my office entirely in order to get that sense of separation, otherwise I feel like I am constantly at work.

If you're on your phone a lot and you don't really use it to make your IF or have alternatives for writing, get rid of the apps that put you in a work headspace. I got rid of the tumblr mobile app a couple years ago and it was probably the best decision in terms of actually keeping me out of work mode.

Take time off. Give yourself a weekend. Pursue other hobbies, play other games, write things other than your IF. IFs take a very long time to make, you can't go at it 24/7 or you will burn out.

[dumplingsjinson]

Let me just uh, set some hard fucking boundaries with some of you people in regards to MY relationship.

Do not keep questioning my choices on MY relationship.

First of all, you're not in this relationship. Let me mess up and find out, if worse comes to worst. Let me fuck around and find out. I'm not going to blame you for not warning me, don't worry. Seriously. So stop questioning me.

Don't keep asking me, "Why don't you label things with him? I think it's bullshit that there are no labels. What's the POINT of this relationship if you're not labelled as such and such? You're just wasting your time. Stop that. It's weird. This doesn't seem right to me. Why call it exclusive if there's no labels?"

Let me fucking date how I want, damn. Let me be in a goddamn relationship how I want, without me needing to explain myself to you. You, who I don't even know. You, who's not even a mere acquaintance of mine. Even my friends aren't questioning me, so who are YOU to question me when you know virtually NOTHING about our relationship?

Why are YOU, as someone who doesn't know the full fucking picture, trying to enforce your rigid little rules onto ME? If you like labels and only commit strictly with someone once those labels are established, good for you! Do you!

But don't go on the internet, read the stuff someone shares (which doesn't paint the whole picture, mind you, because I'm not sharing my whole goddamn life biography on here) and then go running into their inbox and yell at them for their choices, or because their choices differs from yours. Don't do that because you don't KNOW them. Don't act like you know everything from the small details you've read. Yes, I share things on here, but only things I'm comfortable sharing. Surface level shit, basically.

What you think is normal isn't always someone else's normal. Please remember that.

The way some of you act in my inbox... It's embarrassing at best and disgustingly rude and kind of intrusive and also insulting at worst. And because you've got the anon feature on, you think you can just say anything. (That's a whole other rant I've been wanting to get off my chest. I've got a few drafts I've never posted that are from months ago lmfao).

Now, to tone down the aggressiveness for a fraction of as second, I get you care about me and it's probably coming from a good place, but I am TWENTY. THREE.

Let me remind you.

TWENTY THREE.

Not three.

Not thirteen.

TWENTY. FUCKING. THREE.

I can make my own decisions. I am a legal adult, probably moreso than some of you out here coming into my inbox and full on trying to start an interrogation with me like I did something wrong for wanting to do things MY way for MY relationship.

And SLIGHTING me for my choices is where I'm setting the hard boundary at.

DO NOT, and I repeat:

DO NOT...

...under any circumstances, come into my inbox and act like I'm a dumb fucking bitch. (I am a dumb fucking bitch, but I'm also a self aware dumb fucking bitch. There's a difference.)

I know what I'm doing, I know the consequences, I know what I'm in for. I'm not fucking stupid and naive. I'm not a 13 year old about to start her first relationship with her high school crush.

So stop treating me like a donkey, and stop questioning my choices. Remember, as harsh as this sounds, some of you need to hear this and REALISE this: You've got no place in my life to do that. Absolutely fucking none.

Learn to read the room and learn that there are lines that shouldn't be crossed.

OH, I need to add this here. Before some of you come into my inbox and ask me WHY I'm sharing shit if I'm not open to opinions on my choices... There's a difference between opinions and civil discussions, and crossing someone's boundaries and questioning their choices because you think YOUR way of doing things is the right way to do things.

Just because I share some stuff on here doesn't mean that warrants you an automatic pass to shit on my choices. Fuck that bullshit, because that's just shitty behaviour and you need to look inwards and realise you're doing a lot more harm than good by being a piece of shit to someone you essentially do not know.

Remember, if you won't say this shit to someone in real life while looking them in the eyes, then don't fucking say it on anon in some stranger's inbox. That's a dick move, and you're a prick if you do that. Fix yourself, for the sake of humanity.

That is all.

[iridessence]

Miss Iridessence, you are one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen. I'm always stunned by your pictures. I'm also a fat woman, but I struggle so much in seeing myself as beautiful (I don't think I'm nearly as beautiful as you in general, you literally glow). I'm getting married very soon, too, but I feel so bad about myself because I know that the people around me (my family is very old fashioned) see my being fat as a failure. I've been working a lot on how I see myself, because I want to be happy as myself, but when it comes to the wedding stuff, my dress, my makeup and my hair, I just feel so silly and like there's no way for me to be pretty. Do have any advice for me to try and see myself as a beautiful bride?

Hi there! The most sincerest congratulations to you for your engagement and upcoming wedding with your love. This is an incredible time, you deserve to feel giddy and excited and not laden with these complicated feelings right now. Let’s buckle in as there’s a long post ahead.

So first, you must commit to honoring yourself by how you speak about yourself. You’re already doing a great job by using “I think I am XYZ/I feel XYZ” statements as opposed to absolutes (“I am XYZ, etc”) … It’s hard to control what our brains tell us, but it’s not impossible, and it’s theoretically easier to control what we say aloud or write. Please please try not to put yourself down verbally, while in the process of complimenting someone else. It’s never going to be good for you and even worse it may make things awkward for the recipient who then may feel like compelled to comfort or emotionally manage, instead of being able to fully and presently receive your compliment.

Otherwise, I could tell you something like “look in the mirror and say these self affirmations,” but the fact of the matter is that it may not work for everyone, and that’s not the end-all-be-all in the process toward building self-esteem, so I want to focus on the following things…

I want you to reflect upon whether or not you want the wedding hubbub. I’m not asking you to question if you want to get married but rather the rituals that come along with the wedding process. Are they important to you? If not, that could be behind why it seems silly and ineffective. Lots of people go through the whole show to appease their partners or their family and then it stresses them out and it feels foreign, and it’s all because they never wanted it in the first place. If that’s the case, I invite you to consider that you really can let the hubbub go.

If things like makeup, hair and dresses are important to you, then I urge you to accept that that is simply enough for you to be able to partake in them. It’s your right to wear whatever kind of hairstyle or dress or makeup you want whether it supposedly works good or not. If that’s what you want to do for your wedding, you get to have it! This is another way to frame it if you have trouble seeing yourself as the beautiful bride that I’m sure you are and especially the beautiful bride that your partner will see. It simply doesn’t matter, it’s your day and it’s your choice to partake in the ritual how you would like to. You get to wear the things you want to wear if you enjoy them.

Also I can’t see what options you’ve selected or what stylists you’ve gone with, but it may be worth revisiting if the looks you want are execute with finesse. Are your stylists a match for creating the look you want with your hair, makeup and gown? It may be hard to say without photographic evidence but it’s a possibility. The nuances in fit, high-quality construction and execution truly make a world of difference in feeling like something looks right on you and it’s what I’ve built my own process around. It’s applicable to hair, makeup and clothing.

The other thing I think might be important for you to consider is to set boundaries with your family where you can. Perhaps you’re not at a place where you can tell them outright not to talk to you about certain things regarding your appearance, but perhaps there may be opportunities to reroute the conversation and switch gears so that your appearance is no longer the subject. You might have to do it more than one time in a conversation and even be firm about it but at the end of the day, if they see your body as a failure, there is no purpose in talking about such things with them and it will be like pulling teeth to make it otherwise. For your health sake, you have to set that boundary and hold it.

Last but not least, lean into your partner. Share how you feel with them and if they build you up, let them do so and let yourself receive it. While you can’t place your self-worth in the opinion of another person, that doesn’t mean that they can’t help you to see things about yourself from an outside perspective. We are all constantly deeply in our heads and it’s sometimes nice to get input from someone who sees us through rose-colored glasses. I invite you to partake in this honeymoon period by letting your partner illuminate all the beautiful things about you. If you have friends with great communication, let them do the same!

I hope some of this is helpful and that you have the wedding experience you truly deserve.

Best wishes, anonymous!

[foxilayde]

My written tone can come off as kind of harsh so please envision me saying all of this while pouring you tea, offering you a cookie and talking to you in a very calm voice throughout the monologue.

Bby you have the wrong number. I am not the thought police.

But… *pats your shoulder* I really want you to consider your intentions with this callout. Was it to further promote women’s autonomy?

Or could it possibly have been offered subconsciously to ostracize someone?

Yes I do know this person is a pro lifer. So is my grandma and I straight up love that broad with my whole soul.

I myself am pro choice. I am pro abortion.

I am also a vegetarian. I have been a vegetarian for 10 years. I was vegan for three of those years. A militant PETA Brand Vegan. I was so militant that I brought up factory farming at every social gathering where meat was present. You know what happened? I grew distant from everyone in my life who wasn’t vegan. I got a whole new group of friends. And then someone close to me said that they could never go vegan because they saw how it weakened my friendships with people. And fuck. That’s not what I wanted! I wanted to be an example of positivity! I wanted to display the vegetarian lifestyle in an easy light, to show people it was worth a consideration.

Is the correlation making sense? I am of the belief that if you push people away for believing differently than you, all it does is create more distance in a world where you’re trying to show the validity and place of love and acceptance where your stance is coming from.

I still feel very strongly about meat and vegetarianism. It still makes me sad and angry.

I also feel very strongly about abortion rights. Sad. Angry.

But people can’t be ostracized into compassion.

I have an insider level of compassion on this stance. I used to be pro life. I literally believed abortion was murder. Because that’s what I’d been told from every authority figure in my life. I was brought up in a high demand religion and that indoctrination really messes with someone’s logic and compassion. If it hadn’t been for the kind, caring, patient examples of pro-choice people— I would probably have never stopped being ignorant.

Let exclusion and other-ness be the tool of the oppressors. Fight that bullshit with love, my friend.

Or don’t. It’s your choice. I’m definitely not perfect at it. My anger gets the better of me at times, I say harsh and scathing shit. It’s natural, and in myself I recognize that to not be in the service of fighting the injustice, but to feed and fuel my own petty attachment to being right. Which just leaves me feeling miserable, dude.

if you took everyone on earth who holds the exact same views as you on everything and put them on an island, you’d be stranded alone, hun.

[obviously this stuff doesn’t apply if you’re feeling actually threatened by someone. Use your judgement, trust your gut. Cut ties where you need. Set boundaries that promote peace and happiness within yourself.]

You don’t have to agree with anything I said btw I still love you and you’re very welcome here, whomever you are. More tea? Cookies? Help yourself 💚

[funkymbtifiction]

Heart Triad and personal style

Hi! I recently made an observation and wanted to ask if it is just a coincidence or something that can be linked to enneagram! :)

So, I have two friends who are E2 and E4, and I noticed that both of them are extremely rigid about their taste in clothing. But not in a sense "oh, I figured out my style, I don't like XYZ", and more like "oh, i love this, i would want to try this new thing but... it doesn't fit into my image" (especially, if they never even tried something remotely similar before). It always seemed weird to me - if you like it so much, why not try it on? Why not try seeing yourself in a new light? But no, it looks like both of them are dead-set on having a certain aesthetic and a certain image, and they never want to change it, despite frequently saying things like "oh, I wish I could wear this and that....but it wouldn't fit my vibe, so I am not going to bother". Are image types afraid of changing said image? Are they afraid that even if they slightly alter their appearance, the way people view them might crumble, and it will be their "downfall"? Or is it the fragile self-perception?

Well, if it is just a coincidence, then everything I said goes out of the window! But I wonder if it's really connected. I noticed that people I know from other triads are either willing to give something different a go, or decline because they don't like it/don't care for it, and only with those two it's been like that. Then again, sample data is extremely small, so it might have been just a big coincidence after all! 

Thank you for your time! :))

Interesting. I know only a couple of image types, but their thinking tends to run more along the lines of "is this cool/fashionable" (3) or "does anyone else own this, because if so, I won't wear it" (4).

It might be just a coincidence, but it also sounds... a bit resigned? I wish I could... but I can't. Like, why can't you? It's certainly not assertive, because an assertive image type (3) would make it cool just because they are wearing it, and set trends. Image types are thinking about how others perceive them all the time, and that is influencing their behavior and choices, so it all boils down to "what would this do to my brand?"

What do you think, image-type readers? Are you super careful in cultivating your wardrobe and turning things down that don't match what you have fixed in your mind?

ETA: It's also funny to me that anyone would 'limit' themselves. Like, that is anti-my 7 wing. I want variety of all kinds, all the time. I could never just do one thing, or have one color, or only wear one style, because it's going to get boring for me after about a week. My 7 wing wants more / new / different / options and is always chasing ideally after the 'best' thing only to find out it's less awesome than I thought.

Stuff people sent to me in response to this:

I have recently figured out (all thanks to Charity!) that I’m an ISFP 4w3 sx dom.

Fashion to me is not only hugely important , but it’s how I present myself to the world so it’s very personal. I see cute clothes all the time but if they don’t match me and who I am I won’t wear them. My clothes have to be authentic to me but also authentic to the message I want to send out (wing 3). I don’t look at it as limiting but as the attraction/repulsive aspect mentioned in sexual doms. I don’t want all the attention just the attention of the ones worthy. Accessible, casual everyday style doesn’t work for me. Avant garde, sensual, mysterious, ethereal styles that send strong messages, provoke reactions and create boundaries and barriers do. Many would consider this limiting but to me it’s elimination not limitation of what isn’t me.

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And in response to the image type/style asker — I’m a 2w1 most likely and I am pretty choosy with my clothes so that they can fit my image/perception… I know it might sound odd to other types but I think that’s part of being of the heart triad and an extrovert at the same time :) I want to be approachable yet chic yet slightly unique yet not too unique yet… the list goes on!

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Hi, about this. I'm an E4. I think that line of thinking is more anti 4 than image type as a whole “oh, i love this, i would want to try this new thing but… it doesn’t fit into my aesthetic” I see this a lot on social media. The girls (usually) there pick an aesthetic and stick to it, cottagecore, clean girl aesthetic, whatever. They put themselves in a box and often say stuff like the anon said their friends say. For me I never understood that, and from what I can tell, a lot of them are 3s, 2s and 9s. I will never say "Oh I'd love to but it doesn't fit my vibe" because that would be a lie. I would not love to and I'm going to say that, I make my dislikes very clear. Usually I will say no to things that are "everywoman" and be horrified someone suggested that to me, offended really. You think I'm the type of person to wear a hoodie and ponytail?! Me?! So I don't know about the other image types but E4 is not a "I'd love to but it doesn't fit..." type cause we don't put ourselves in a box made by other people.

Speaking of style, I did notice something about 4s and 6s. Lots of people use "I have an original style and don't follow trends" to say they're 4s. And what they mean by that is they have a lot of fandom/band/pride etc. clothes, décor and the like, and that's very very 6 (sometimes 9) and not 4. I noticed 6s approach style with "I'm X so how I present myself has to reflect that" I think there's some Fi dom in the mix there as well, but it's like they choose the things as a show of belonging to a certain group of people. And they think it's "original style that doesn't follow trends" which is not untrue. But a 4 doesn't really do that, there's no "I belong so I have to broadcast that". If we like something, we just think "Yeah like the vibes of item X, it,I want to project this specific vibe, it's me, I will buy it" and we combine it into our own style. I know there's a lot of talk especially about pride stuff and how 4s are the ones who dress in rainbow hair and get all the merch and pins but that's not true at all, that's a 6. We aren't looking to belong and we usually don't dress like a walking advertisement advertisement for a group of people we "belong" to. It's more individual. Not saying a 4 can't have a band shirt in their closet or a pride pin, but they don't make it their identity. 

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[vykko]

So I just realised several things because I forgot my dead name is in the credits of my own animation so this is a very serious post

First of all @blubushie I SHOWED YOU MY DEAD NAME BY ACCIDENT FIRST TIME MEETING YOU, IM DUMBASS I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT MUCH ABOUT YOU AT THE TIME💀

also I have googled my both my last and deadname it’s actually pretty common by internet standards and a gaint amount of influencers and weirdly psychologists have the names, my cello teacher was also call that

also I was probably going to have to tell you guys as older accounts I have for art or similar stuff have my dead name in them

and because I didn’t realise that until I’ve already linked stuff places and I don’t want anyone trying to use my dead name against me as a surprise to hurt me and I’m doing it myself so I feel in control of the situation as I’m not making another edited version then rendering and posting on YouTube again

my dead name is Danielle McKenna

but I’m now Connor McKenna

you can call me Connor, any nicknames referring to Connor, vykko, vyk or Dani as I still use the Nickname in person but it’s only for mutuals because it’s still a name I only use with friends

if anyone uses my dead name as it’s a choice at this point

I’m blocking you

no if ands or buts, This isn’t in person where you can accidentally say the wrong name. If you write out Danielle to refer to me unless I’ve given you permission to or it makes sense use the name but not referring to me but about it when it’s on a post ive made about it it’s ok

but Im setting my one boundary

DON’T FUCKING USE MY DEAD NAME TO TALK ABOUT ME, REFERRING TO ME OR ANY OTHER SITUATION YOUD USE MY DEADNAME OR WE NOT FRIENDS OR MUTUALS ANYMORE

thanks for understand and listening to me do damage control on a mistake I can’t reasonably fix as people allready have seen it

Have a nice day/night

back to being goofy or what ever

[scrapperjoe]

Doesn't making keichos character disabled defeat the original purpose of him?

Yeah this ones a tricky one that's been on my mind. Huge spoilers for talks of abuse and ableism. Keep in mind this likely will not be the best written since its before work and stuff.

Yeah its no doubt that keichos introduction shows him to be verbally abusive towards okuyasu, and holding ableist beliefs at that, which is... Hm, not the best choice for making a disabled character, especially if you consider okuyasu autistic like i do. So why make him disabled?

The original theme of the au was to heal from trauma and abuse, a theme very much in my own life. Id also forgotten "wait cant josuke just heal him" before id put medical research into this so, yeah. Anyways... I thought, "hey, if he wasnt dead, him and okuyasu could willingly work on their relationship together!" Emphasis on willingly. Because keicho has minimal use of his legs and such, in the early days of his recovery he'd have to rely on okuyasu to help take care of him. (By the time keichos finally discharged okuyasus near graduation, don't worry.) The time apart with keicho in the hospital allowed them to rework their relationship in a less heated setting, and having to rely on okuyasu more, someone he once looked down upon, really shifted the dynamic and you can see things are working out more healthily between them while the both of them also seek counselling and had jotaro act as a middle man in the early days of the au. Even when okuyasu becomes a parent, keichos past abuse is NOT swept under the rug because okuyasu has several boundaries set in place such as keicho not being allowed to punish or yell at the kids no matter how fatherly he mat feel towards them. He is still just the uncle, and okuyasu doesn't want them to go through what he did.

And now for what this post is actually supposed to be about! As i mentioned, the aus core theme was different at the very beginning, but does try to tackle many complex themes because i can. And you guessed it, ableism is a hot topic! Ill admit it, i hadnt originally thought of it cause my autism brain thought, "wow, nijimura bros alive!" But as ive done research ive really been cracking down on how to handle this. Ive put in much medical research and what its like to live with what disabilities and conditions he has such as being an amputee, nerve connection issues, chronic pain (i actually live with chronic migraines myself), brain damage, organ transplants, etc...

Making keicho disabled and having josuke heal him was NOT to punish him for his abuse. Not in any way. If anything, it more so puts him in a state where he quite literally cannot run away from his issues and has to actually face them with CHOICE. The spwf faced the nijimuras with whether or not they wanted to stay together or split apart because of their complcated relationship, and they both chose to stay. Anyways... With keichos character who was depicted with low-key ableist veiws, hes undoubtedly going to deal with internalized ableism up the wazu. Im not going to go into way too much detail with that because if you're disabled you know what it's like. But there's a LOT of him trying to overcome it with the years. When they were finally home together for the first time in years keicho finally got to see okuyasus survivors guilt for himself and that was one big hurdle. Keichos self hatred at that time was adding to it and once he saw just how badly it was affecting okuyasu without realizing it, boy that had to freaking change. But every hurdle after that wasn't a hurdle, it was more like climbing steps of a stair.

As we all know, recovery is no straight line. A lot of times people will wish theyll be their former selves, but a lot of times that's an unreasonable desire. Keicho has a hard freaking time accepting that. He keeps pushing himself, wishing his recovery was faster, in turn actually pushing himself back. Over time keicho has to learn his limits which is a very bitter battle. You make advancements but then you go back a bit. With josuke and okuyasu doing so much for the family keicho often feels less than, and like he should be doing more. He pushes himself to do all the chores in the house even if it means puking from his migraines or wearing his stumps to the point the friction in his prosthetics start to bleed. Because we all know keichos as stubborn as a mule. The family is very adamant about getting him to rest, and i know i joke about them having to tape him down to the couch, but this feeling is a very real part of us who live with internalized ableism. Our society is so rooted in production and everything, that it can just be so hard to accept that our brains and bodies are simply incapable of doing certain things... What's more is that with keichos fluctuating condition its hard for him to keep a job. But even when he feels like crap, the family reassures him. Cause when your body won't let you do much more than bring up laundry without being in immense pain, or can hardly let you read for fun because of brain fog, it can be hard.

And because i worked it for josuke only to partially heal keicho because keicho told him specifically not to heal him, keicho obviously has disfiguring burn scars. And with his prosthetics and mobility aids, it goes without saying that he gets nasty looks and people staring at him. Those whispers around him when he goes into public. Those that lead him to often cover up even during summer time, that have the kids have to stand up for themselves and their own family at school because they get picked on because they have a VERY non traditional family. Those stares and comments can make him feel sub human, doctors constantly offering facial reconstruction surgery, and the way people can treat others is just... Appalling. Its taken keicho YEARS to feel comfortable in his own skin. From not getting that jarring feeling every time he looks in the mirror, not having to shower with a shirt on, not wanting to peel his skin off, etc... It was a bitter battle of self love. A bitter battle that sometimes he loses. But when that little hyakuko would play with his missing finger, boy did he feel less like a monster and more like the human that he is... Not to mention body positive josuke always being there to help him out. Since crazy diamond cant heal himself, josuke has lots of scars and stitches on his body from old stand battles and the sutch, and even if his scars arent disfiguring like keichos, they at least make him feel less alone, and okuyasu just being happy he's alive is always something that makes him feel better.

Overall, the au is centered around the theme of overcoming trauma and abuse much like my other works. In this case keicho is overcoming his old self and the abuse hed once done. And as time goes on, he does grow and evolve, becoming at least a somewhat better person and more understanding of others. Himself? Come on, its keicho. But no matter the hardships, when he sees how okuyasu has grown up and the happy family hes been able to have, and let alone keicho be part of it, its made all the hardships worth it. Disabled people are not a tragedy. Stop treating us like it.

[psyched-for-you]

I’m so afraid of being a burden. I’m working on myself so I can take care of myself and better handle my feelings and struggles. But I don’t believe that I’ll ever be completely “normal” and well functioning. I believe that I’ll always have challenges and too big and vulnerable feelings. I hope there’ll be longer time in between my bad days and too difficult feelings, but they’ll always come by. Not like people who only break down and struggle when something major or traumatic randomly happens to them, like a death in the family or a car accident. For me it will just be part of who I am that I’ll have bad days and difficult feelings and more stuff to work through, even if the intervals of it gets more and more spaced out. And should I be unlucky and also experience something major where I break down and need help, I fear that might be the last straw that breaks the camels back. Because I also believe that most people are nice and caring. And that if someone love me, they’ll try to help me and be there for me. I know ideally we should all be able to maintain our boundaries with other people even the ones closest to us. But who can say no to someone crying or in pain? I don’t want or mean to be manipulative. But as I see it: either I’ll stay closed off and isolated. Or I’ll open up and be honest and by that also inevitably end up burning out the people around me. Because I’m too much of a burden and I don’t trust people to say no when they can’t bear it, because how would one be able to with one they love and worry for. How would I be able to ask for help or care, when I’m crying, overwhelmed or in pain, without making people feel like they can’t say no? I’m always afraid that I’ll be too much, I’m always waiting for people to snap and leave. I’m always counting how much help or understand or support I have gotten from people, and how much they have gotten from me, so it’s even and they hopefully won’t feel like I’m too much, even then I think I’m too much and I feel like our relationship is unhealthy because of keeping score and centering it around being each other’s emotional support. So instead I just don’t get close to anyone.

Please help me have hope, or help me change my perspective, or give me a reality check. But please be realistic. Because I can’t see how saying that most people would have no problem picking and choosing when to say no to a crying loved one, would be realistic (I’m sorry I don’t mean for it to sound arrogant or stubborn, it’s just the advice people give me when I fear being a burden and I really can’t see how this would be true or realistic, unless every loved one I had was a professional psychologist. Or maybe I’m wrong, then please explain to me how in the world that would be possible?)

Hi anon!

I think there's some truth to the idea that it's hard to say no to a loved one in pain, without feeling guilty. But I also think that in a sense we are all responsible for our own emotions and actions.

That's not to say that there aren't ways to help a friend be able to set boundaries, bc there are ways, and I strongly advice everyone to implement them.

First off, you need to create a safe space to say no. Telling someone "I'm so upset I might kill myself if you don't talk me down" is not ok, but "hey I'm feeling really upset, do you have energy to talk to me?" IS ok.

It's important to include a choice, and it's important not to accidentally imply that it would be their "fault" if anything bad happened when they weren't engaging with you.

I also want to raise the point to your attention, anon, that allowing other people to take care of you is not just burdensome. A lot of people genuinely get something out of helping their friends, especially if you make sure to thank them afterwards, letting them know how much it means to you. You talking about things that are difficult, can help you bond with people, and bring your relationships to the next level. It can make your loved ones feel more comfortable bringing up their own difficulties, too.

So yeah, ofc you should ask for permission before dumping a lot of heavy shit on someone, but honestly, sometimes the heavy shit is the glue that binds us all together..

-Quinn

[please-picturemeintheweeds]

Got any idea about how to have healtier relationships? I used to literally not have boundaries and sold out parts of my soul for people who I thought were commmited to me, I once upon a time changed too much for a few people who weren't worth it but I want to let people in my life again and how do I do that better and healthier?

🤍🤍🤍

I feel you!! And omg I’m so proud of you for wanting to let people in again after being hurt in that way! You’ve got this 💪🏻! Giving up parts of your self for other people happens to everybody, so you’re definitely not alone. Something that has helped me a lot with this is the concept of self-consent and honoring boundaries (which are an expression of consent) that I set for myself. For example; “I know this feels good right now because I like seeing this other person happy, but I told myself I wouldn’t do xyz because it has made me feel isolated/bad about myself in the past… how can I support myself to stick to that decision?” Some other questions that are good to ask yourself often: Is this change something that I am freely, enthusiastically doing? Am I pressuring myself into this change, why? Can I change my mind? Would it be safe for me to express how I feel (to myself and to others)? How do I feel in my body when I think about this change?

It’s very very hard to set/communicate boundaries to others when we cross our own boundaries allll the time. It’s so engrained in our culture to violate our own boundaries, and other peoples’. White supremecist hetero-patriarchy fundamentally operates on repeated violations of boundaries, think about being pressured to stay late for work or not take the pre approved vacation day off, or to just hug someone because they want a hug, or to push our bodies past the limits of hunger/need to pee/thirst/discomfort to finish a task, or to use poison in our gardens. Which is not to say that you can never choose to do something that you don’t want to do- we freely consent to stuff like that all the time (a classic example is helping a friend move. Yeah it’s not fun, you might not want to, but you can still choose to do it and feel fulfilled and empowered by that choice! Another reason one might choose to do something that doesn’t feel good could be for safety. If you need to do something for your safety, or if the consequences for not doing it would be far worse, I would encourage you to trust your instincts, make the thing as safe as possible, and seek support to address that underlying safety issue).

So I really just want you to know that this is a very normal thing to struggle with, and that it is a radical act every single time you pause to honor your own limits, needs, desires, and boundaries. Which also means we have to explore what feels good, as much as what feels bad! Trying new things is a wonderful amazing part of life! And sometimes other people are the catalyst to discovering things that you never would have tried without that push to step out of your comfort zone! But the important part is always about choice and autonomy. Is it something you are choosing to do, and why? Are you free to make a different choice?

go slow, trust your gut, try and run things by a few other people so that you have a variety of perspectives to draw from, and have fun endlessly creating your self 🦋

[darthaddock]

Introduction From The Author

Being next in line to be Alpha can mean a lot of things. But what a lot of people and dragons don't realize is the amount of extra study that you have to do to be prepared to adequately lead a large nest like the Hidden World.

I've been studying the human race, as well as a lot of extra stuff about law systems worldwide, and dragon biology, among other things. But even though I'm only fifteen, I can see a lot of things that other dragons can't see in basic scenarios. The legality of actions performed, whether or not it's a good or bad scenario, etc. I've found myself in my studies, but after I met my boyfriend, John, I've been trying to find myself all over again. It's in these searches where you find your moral compass. And as I look into where human science is going I see a lot of red flags in one area in particular: editing genetic code. I've seen articles and videos about what things like PGD and CRISPER can do. But I can read between the lines and I see nothing good coming out of it if humans go as far as editing babies.

Humans already have norms and practices that I don't like very much. There's nothing I can do about that. But I hope that what you find here will serve as a warning that while knowledge is power, power can also be very dangerous and that we need to regulate boundaries on how far we can experiment into the unknown. Our DNA is so perfectly constructed that it supports large multicellular organisms such as me and you. And if we don't set boundaries on this new science, it could very well result in the destruction of the human race and/or dragons all together. Whether that destruction will be literal or social is yet to be determined by the choices we make regarding these things and the outcome of those decisions.

But we must not forget that gene editing is dangerous. And just “because we can” is no excuse. Because if I were to just go burn a building down and sit in the fire “because I can” it doesn't seem very reasonable. That's why laws and rules are in place: to regulate what we can and can't do for our own safety. If humans can't find reason in that, I don't know if I'll be able to help the human race any further. But I know that I can protect my fellow dragons from suffering the same fate I fear humans are heading for. If they want to throw their species off a cliff, so be it. They've been warned.

I don't mean to spread fear or hate towards this science. It's quite amazing, I only mean to warn everyone, human and dragon alike, about the dangers this new technology can cause and to proceed with caution.

I'm going to say this, even though I know it's been said before by a few people, but even though this is a fiction novel, fiction is a lie that tells the truth over and over. But I want readers to not judge the book by its cover or title, but to judge it by the underlying truths and the content it presents to the world. Because as Neil Gaiman put it, “If someone tells you what a story is about, they are probably right. If someone tells you that that is all a story is about, they are very definitely wrong.” I want people and dragons alike to see these things entwined with a rich, and powerful story that will be remembered for generations to come. Everyone sees and processes things differently depending on their experiences and background, so even I don't fully know everything the story is about. You may see something between it's lines I never did, and that's the beauty in books: everyone applies their life, experiences, and backgrounds to the story to create a unique and one of a kind experience that they will cherish for the rest of their lives.

~ Dart Haddock, 2024

[noctomania]

For the past decade I've struggled a lot with trying to figure out what to do with my life and the process of having to just ~wait~, as a rather impatient person. It's been hard not to blame myself for everything. It's not that I don't want to take accountability, but the fact that I can't take accountability for choices I didn't get to make. Opportunities I didn't get to pursue. Lives I didn't get to live.

Working nocturnally and having to navigate life in a much more assertive way than I'd like to really hurts my spirit and has made it hard to feel a part of anything. The boundaries I have had to set with myself and with others are just so disruptive. The schedule is hard. It's also hard to work a job I hate from top to bottom in a place that has built a culture that is so counter to what I want and need. I spend my entire shift not only not talking to anyone but hating having to talk to anyone because any time someone has something to say to you it's likely not a good thing. The kind of people this field brings in too are just not my people. I took this job out of survival.

I've wanted to find community to be a part of ever since I realized how good that can feel. When I was in the Alliance or when I was an RA or even ARD it gave me just a little taste of having a commonality with others and familiarity. But those never lasted. I didn't get to savor them much either because it was always a matter of where is the next paycheck coming from. They also never fully satiated me either, I never fully felt a part of a whole. I see others enjoying that and I want it for myself but I have no idea where to find it. I don't know what it looks like for me. As more time goes by it's harder to imagine that I may ever find that. I need my alone time certainly, but I don't want to be alone forever all the time. Sometimes when I've had a hard day I feel like it is all I want. But eventually that fades, especially when I see others enjoy a sense of belonging, of being valued for either what they can bring to the table or simply for just being themselves.

I've also had to let go of people as I have grown over the years which is further difficult when you don't have many to begin with. But I can't hold on to people just for the sake of holding on to someone or anyone. It also comes with the mental illnessness of "am I the problem? Did I do something wrong?" which is just how my brain has always perceived me as a problem even if I'm the antithesis of a problem.

I want so much to have a life where I work in a career I can feel proud of and where I can't actually enjoy going to work and like the people I work with even if we don't always agree or whatever other difficulties there are at any job. I want people in my life who reach out to me unprovoked and invite me to stuff and people I don't feel like an alien around. I want to be able to some day not feel like i'm always 3 inches away from fucking up and not always under a microscope and being talked down to more than I am being lifted up. to work in a field where I feel skilled and proud of those skills and valued as an individual.

Something has got to give. I should only have to be in this job for 12 more months. I would love to be an artist but I also want to be able to afford to live. And someday own a home. What also sucks is with all this on my mind the idea of finding someone to love isn't even anywhere near being on a table it feels like. Which is one reason why I've tried working so hard on loving myself because that's who I have at the end of the day. The worst part about loving myself though is I want to share myself with others.

[xx-slug-xx]

//cw- vent post, suicide, sh, and mental health mentions (sorry that this is not within the realms of my blog lol, I just have nowhere else to say it)

As much as I want to support people and help them, I just can’t anymore. I can’t let my own mental health decline because I’m trying to help.

The amount of times I’ve been treated as someone’s therapist, I’ve had others vent to me about horrible things without my consent, and talk people out of suicide is astounding at this point. I feel terrible for saying this. I want people to live and I want to help where I can. But I’m so tired now. I feel like I can’t have a normal friendship or relationship with anyone because I always have the burden of supporting them. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. It really seems like everyone I’ve gotten close to has loaded all their bullshit onto me, expect me to side with them, and bring me into situations that I want nothing to do with.

I want to set boundaries with people, but I can’t do that while they are talking about how much they want to kill themselves, their abusive relationship, or how much their life sucks. That would be awful to do to someone. And if they do kill themselves, then I’d be guilty knowing that I could have done something to help them. I don’t know when a good time to set boundaries would be either, once they start doing this to me. Then it becomes the “I thought I could be open with you!”, “oh thanks, now that’s put me over the edge and I’m going to kill myself this time”, or “I’m sorry, I really am a burden I guess”. I just can’t do this anymore, but I don’t know how to make it stop. I don’t feel like I actually matter to the people I care about sometimes and I’m just a tool for them to release their emotions and make the feel better.

I know what it’s like to be suicidal, hell I’m suicidal right now, and all the time. I’ve been through worse though, and I know I can make it out of this. If anyone understands what suicide, depression, anxiety, and all that good stuff feels like, I have the right to say that it’s me! I have so much sympathy for people going through rough patches, it’s unbelievable. It’s because of that sympathy that I put myself into these situations to begin with!

I have so much advice to give people on what i belive is probably a good corse of action to take. “Don’t do that just yet and wait untill you’re calm enough to think clearly”, “nobody thinks that way about you and if they do, then they are stupid and you shouldn’t worry about their opinion”, “go the the mental hospital because I’m worried about you”, “maybe you shouldn’t get back with the guy who was beating you because he’ll probably do it again”, but no matter what I say, it’s in vane. As soon as someone starts venting to me about their problems, they don’t want advice. They already make their choice on what to do next, they won’t listen to a word I say. I feel like that’s what hurts the most. No matter how hard I try to help people, no matter what rational thing that I, as an outside viewer, has to say on the situation, it never seems to be worth the effort. They just want me to agree with how much their life sucks and agree that their choice is right. And then, when they ignore what I say and their situation gets worse, I’m the one they go to about it. I’m so tired of being stressed out and worried about people’s safety because I know they won’t listen to me.

I just want to have normal relationships with the people in my life. That is all I ask. I don’t want to constantly have a codependent relationship with everyone I know. I just want people to stop coming to me when I already have my own shit that I deal with.

I don’t really know what I should do to make this stop, and I feel like I’m going to relapse after being 9 months in the clear for self harm. I don’t think I will, but the feeling is crushing regardless. I’ve been so good for so long, and I really don’t want my mental health to go to shit because of what responsibilities other people are dumping on me that I can’t handle. I have so much going on, and other things to worry about. I can’t be worried about people because of what they though was ok to tell me unprompted.

Sorry guys for dumping this. I tagged it for a reason and I really just needed to get my thoughts out in the open. I’m safe, I’m with people, and I won’t do anything stupid. Done this song and dance too many times to do something that I’ll regret now! Don’t worry about me lmao

[mixed-not-confused]

What is "Neutral?"

To members of minorities, "neutral" quite often means "a space where we go by the rules of majority, and where we are careful about bringing our own truth to the table."

Below are three examples:

Many people belonging to gender and sexual minorities constantly hear assumptions about their life and their identity, before (if ever!) they dare to say out loud something like, e.g.:

"Well, actually, I'm a woman," or "Actually, the child doesn't have a mother. The child has two fathers."

I was sitting on a bus with a relatively new friend. In the context of a conversation on stressing out about things, I mentioned "hmm, you seem to me a person who gets anxious about a lot of stuff." The conversation turned at that point to them telling me they are trans. As a result, they felt constant discomfort and anxiety stemming from their choice to hide their real identity in public. They were able to be themselves only in places where they were sure of their own safety. So not at the gym, in any case, where we had initially met.

2. The "right" way to eat at a fancy Western restaurant might be something throws people belonging to ethnic and cultural minorities, and those from "lower" socio-economic classes into the deep end of discomfort.

What unites both myself and my partner is our deep hatred of "fancy dinners." For him, as someone with a Finnish rural working class background, he struggles to conform to middle-class norms, whilst I struggle to fit in with European norms. Here, the result is however the same - "Which friggin' fork am I supposed to use first?"

3. Neuroatypical* people often feel a lof of shame surrounding their needs, as they've often been told that there is something wrong with them. A lot of energy is expended dealing with shame, and in trying to "behave normally."

For example, morning meetings are extremely difficult for people with ADHD, as they are often unable to sleep at a reasonable hour. Shame about their "problem" often leads to not being able to communicate their needs. A friend of mine is learning to set their own boundaries here. Previously, they adjusted to norms by sleeping errattically, napping here and there, waking up for meetings. This has come at a great cost to their health.

*Side rant: "atypical" as a term should be questioned. Who is typical? (Answer: Nobody! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbiveCNBOxk) Society is built according to the norms of those in power, and minorities with less power constantly navigate and conform to these norms. Uncertainty and discomfort are a part of our every day reality.

If we turn this around, and centre the needs of minorities for a change, this might cause some discomfort to those in the majority. Without discomfort, though, we can't learn and grow. When we see how diverse we are, equity, inclusion and belonging for all means that especially those with more power must face some discomfort, learn, and grow. Then, we *also* need to make some changes with that power and knowledge! It's not enough that we stand against discrimination and racism, learn about minorities, and see our unconscious biases: For real equity, concrete actions must be taken to challenge and deconstruct harmful norms and "neutrality." Without action, all that learning and growing is simply performative DEI (compare this with e.g. 'greenwashing').

If the equity and inclusion of those with less power is important to your organization, then you need to be able to build a safer space, where they can be realised. A safer space is ont only a space, where you don't have to experience any discomfort or challenging. Rather, it is a space where you can safely confront your discomfort, challenge your world views, and learn new things.

[vannybarber]

The Prenup: Final Chapter

Summary: After four years of being together and finally being engaged, Chris wants you to sign a prenup.

Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, chris getting his ass handed to him, a lot of pain.

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four

You lied.

You didn't come back the day after. Or the next day. In fact, you stayed at the hotel for almost a week. You didn't stay in the same clothes of course. You went out to buy everything you needed. Clothes, hygiene products, prenatal vitamins. You were the saddest and most ridiculous thing to walk this earth.

Lisa and Scott eventually came over with your permission of course. You couldn't say no to them. You weren't upset with them.

"How've you been, sweetie?" They both look for your answer, trying to read your face.

"To tell you the truth, I actually feel like an asshole. I honestly realize how immature I was. Chris definitely was, but I was stooping to that level myself. But I won't admit to him just yet. I want him to recognize how immature he was too."

It was crazy to even hear it from your own mouth. But you had time to think it over. You recognized how stupid you looked living in a hotel because you couldn't put your immaturity aside.

"Well this might be a shock to you, but I had a talk with him also and it might've did something." You make eye contact with her and your eyebrows jump. Indeed, you were surprised. She continues.

"I know you guys will be able to resolve this. But you need to try. You've have been together too long to let this get in between you two. I think he finally understands." She sets her hand on yours, which was placed in your lap.

He finally understood? You had to see this for yourself. You hoped to everything that she was right. You actually wanted to fix this and he needed to be on board and feel the same way.

It occurred to you after some time that his points were actually valid. It was just the way he came across is all. You were in your own feelings and took it really personal, which was understandable, but you got stubborn. Even though he got a prenup for his own reasons, you felt as if he didn't love you as much as you love him.

This could all be fixed, but he needed to set some boundaries with Megan. He had no choice. Wait till she finds out about the baby. Evidently none of the other Evans' knew about the baby because it was never brought up. You secretly thank Chris for keeping that between you guys, even though he was most likely still upset that you weren't gonna tell him about the baby right away.

You both are grown ass adults and you're having a child together. This bullshit needed to end.

"Oh my gosh this is great !! All my shit talking did some good." Lisa clears her throat at him. "Along with Ma's great advice of course." You just laugh. You loved your family.

"I think I'm ready to see him. Scratch that. I am ready to see him. I want my fianceé back." You smile and grasp your hands together. You don't think you've ever seen them smile so hard.

"Oh yeah we know you're pregnant." You stop smiling and stare at Scott like you've been caught in the cookie jar. "You know Chris can't keep his big mouth shut." Well that's a Gemini for you.

"Now its really important that you solve this. You're bringing another life into the world!" Lisa exclaims. "Plus I'm gonna have another grandbaby!!"

You giggle and shake your head. "Well we need to head over there right now then!"

Little did you know Chris was on the exact same page as you. Down to every line and every word.

He has always been indecisive and this situation really forced him to take some responsibility and rethink his behavior. You had all the reason to feel the way you did, his intentions clearly being missed by you. Whatever they even were.

He also decided that he was going to set Megan straight about his personal life and respecting you. You were his future wife. And now that you're bringing a baby into the world, she definitely needed to be put in check. He can't even believe how he allowed her to disrespect you like this.

Now he only hoped that you'd want to sort this out and forgive him. He needed you no matter what he said. He did make up excuses because your relationship was too good to be true. He's never had a connection like this before. He never allowed it, but clearly it was for a reason because it give you a chance to come in his life and completely change it for the better.

When he had gotten home from visiting you, his feelings were all over the place. Upset that you didn't come back with him and guilty for making you feel the way you did. He just felt like he was doing the right thing because Megan told him to. Deep down inside, he really didn't even want to get the stupid prenup anyway.

"So where's Y/N? Is she okay?" Shanna asked for everyone. They all expected you to come back too. They didn't know you were this stubborn.

"She's alright. She said she wasn't ready to come back just yet. Which I completely understand. But I feel like a failed once again." He slumps on the couch and lies back. "I don't deserve her at all."

"Now Chris, you know what you have. And what you have is good. Better than anything you had before. You two were made for each other. You're a hard head and I know you're not giving up this easily" Lisa says to him, taking a seat to his right.

"You know she's pregnant." He really shouldn't have said that and he knows it, but he can't keep a secret to save his own life. Everyone in the room gasps. "I found the tests in the bathroom. If I didn't go in there and discover them myself, she wasn't planning on telling me yet."

"Well she probably wanted to fix this before adding more on top of it." Scott adds. And he was absolutely correct.

"Well I'm happy for you! But I you still have this going on." Lisa's voice goes from excited to monotone. She's super happy, but she wished this could have been evented at a much better time.

"Well this could've made things better...or worse." Chris throws his NASA cap on the couch angrily.

Carly speaks up.

"You and Scott should go visit her. I doubt she'll turn it down."

"Yeah Ma. We should see where her heads at. Maybe her mind will change with our advice" Scott agrees. He loves you as a sister. Anything threatening that would have to be put to death immediately.

"Guys, I don't know about that. She seemed pretty definite on how she felt." Chris didn't want to make it worse than what it was, but he always found a way to do that anyway.

"Chris come on" Scott drags out. "We have to try."

"Y/N is a smart girl. She knows what she needs to do and it will come to her. I know it'll work out. And when it does, you'll realize your love is inevitable." Lisa smiles knowing she is absolutely right.

Now she just waits for it all to fall in place.

You were currently outside in the driveway of your house. You drove back there in your car with Lisa and Scott behind you. When you arrived, you hopped in her car to discuss how this was going to go.

Looking at the property, you admit missed your place, but you allowed your infantilism to get in the way.

"Okay he's in there, but he doesn't know you're coming back." Scott speaks lowly from the back seat.

"Wait you didn't tell him?" You snap around mystified. Why did they not tell him?

"Because we wanted it to be a surprise. Well I wanted it to be a surprise." He corrects himself when Lisa throws him a look through the rear view mirror.

"Well um okay. Then this just has to play out itself. Hopefully he's happy to see me..?" You were unsure yourself. The little intimate moment you had before he left couldn't dictate how he'd feel now.

"I'm positive he is, but you won't know unless you get up in there. Go ahead! We'll get your stuff," Lisa encourages. You think she's more excited than anyone. You thank her with a kiss on the cheek and high five Scott then head out of the car. You walk up the driveway to the front door. You didn't get the key out your bag so you rang the doorbell.

A few moments, the door is jerked open. You automatically know he didn't even look through the peephole before he opened the door. He needs to stop doing that.

You appear in his vision and he pauses.

"Y/N? Baby?" Incredulity is all in his voice.

"Yes, that is my name." You giggle. "Can I come in?"

"Uh of course! You live here, ya know." He steps back so you can walk inside. Walking through the threshold, you look around the house as if it was foreign to you. For whatever reason, you expected some dramatic changes. One thing that didn't change is his shoes in the middle of the floor. His bad habit.

"Chris what did I say about your shoes in the walkway?" You scold him and move them to the corner with his others. You can't count how many times you've almost fell face first because of his shoes in the way and truthfully, you not watching where you're going.

"Sorry I forget a lot" he says sheepishly with a tiny smile on his face stopping behind you. This makes your corners turn up as well.

You stand facing him and him facing you. Neither of you say anything. You can't tell if it is because you don't know what to say or that you just really missed each other's faces. Before you do speak, Lisa and Scott are inside with your things.

"Oh guys just put that stuff on the couch. Thank you again!" You point to the sofa, absentmindedly moving closer to Chris.

"We need to talk." Turning back to him, you nod. You remember why you're here in the first place. You needed to put an end to this.

"Right. Patio?" You always go out there to have conversations or just to chill with each other. He nods his head and turns to his family.

"We're gonna go outside and talk for a bit. Okay?"

"Oh yes take all the time you need," Lisa exclaims, shooing you both off. Scott is grinning himself. You just smile and walk to the back door onto the patio. Chris follows quickly behind.

Once you both get outside, you sit down. You wouldn't say it was awkward, but there was definitely some tension. You decide to break it.

"I'm really sorry, Chris."

"Baby I'm so sorry."

Guess he wanted to as well. You were about to talk, but he spoke up first.

"I want to apologize first. I was completely wrong here. I was being an asshole and I deserved everything you said to me. And everything Scott said to me as well." He rolls his eyes at that part. You could only imagine the dragging Scott was giving him. "I allowed Megan to disrespect you and that was a dick move. No one should allow their partner to be treated like that. You're were going to my wife and I stooped that low. I'm truly sorry." He searches in your eyes for something to let him know that you forgave him, knew that he was really sorry at least.

You look away about to let the flood come like Noah and the Arc. You've been waiting to hear that for a while and you knew he meant every word. But now it was your turn. Clearing your throat and wiping your eyes, you speak up.

"This isn't completely your fault, baby." You take his hands in yours. "I am also guilty as well. I acted so immature and didn't even truly try to resolve this because I wanted to victimize myself the whole time. Although you were acting like a huge dick, I still played a part. I am so sorry for not planning on telling you about the baby. That was unfair of me. I know that you love me and that I am important to you, so if you still want me to sign the prenup, I'll do it."

Hearing the words come from your mouth surprised you both. He didn't think you'd ever give in and you sure as hell were making sure you wouldn't. But here you are agreeing to it because you love him that much and wanted to make him happy. Your relationship would work so it would never come to be used. You had strong faith in that.

"That's another thing." He shakes his head and you're now confused. "I don't want you to sign a prenup. We're not doing that. I already plan on talking to Megan about it. And I'm going to address her on knowing her place working for me. Since you know that I love you, so fucking much, I don't need to worry about money. Nor a divorce. Like Ma said, we were made for each other and I'll be damned if I let you get away from me."

"So no prenup?" You needed to hear it again.

"No prenup, love." He grins at you, squeezing your hands. You pull from his grip and jump up busting out random dance moves. His mouth is ajar.

"No prenup! Ain't signing no prenup! Lalalalalaaaaa! No prenup!" After your little dance number, you sit back down with no shame. You needed that.

"I'm glad that you finally came to your senses, Christopher. Your mother taught you well" you say in a pompous manner. He just can't help but laugh. You truly were something else.

"We have a little one coming soon and we have to be out best selves for them. Pinky promise each other that we never ever argue and not fix it in a matter of 25 minutes ever again?" He holds out his pinky finger waiting for yours.

"I promise." You wrap yours around his and grin. "So we're good?"

"Well there is one more thing." He stands up and reaches in his pocket. He pulls out your engagement ring and gets on one knee. Just when you had no tears left to cry.

"Y/N, baby, will you be my fianceé again?" You laugh breathlessly and nod your head.

"Yes, you meatball!" He slips the ring back on your finger and you jump in his arms. Almost knocking him over, he grabs your face and kisses you. You wasted zero time kissing him back because you needed it. It had been so long.

Finally pulling away and balancing your breaths like you just ran a 5k, you both make eye contact and burst out into laughter.

"Come on. Let's go tell them." He grabs your hands and you rush inside the house. Heading into the living room you see them both watching with anticipation.

"So?" Scott speaks and they both stand up.

"Guess who's getting married ?!"

HELP-😌 im so proud of myself. i decided to end this with a nice fluff. it was well deserved. i read you guy's comments and it influenced how i wrote it. some of you mentioned immaturity in y/n and that was really valid. and the point about the prenup making sense.

thank you so much for reading. i am honestly so grateful that you guys liked it. i didn't expect it to blow up like it did. im crying now so bye ✌🏽🤧❤

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