#and we just don't have the money to take him to the vet even though he desperately needs it

[terraos]

Having to decide if I should be delusional or accept reality (which I cannot do without crying)

[mac-n-cheese-flavored-arson]

me and my partner are thinking about rehoming one of our dogs because we don't have the money or energy to take care of such a big dog with medical and health issues, esp not since we're about to be living out of our van once we get everything settled and figured out. I'm a little bit sad about it but its not fair to him that we can't afford to take care of him or take him to the vet and its not fair to him that we don't have the kind of energy to meet his enrichment needs either

[too-much-tma-stuff]

Beach Episode (Part 19)

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Danny and Jason talked out their issues and dealt with it. Jason didn’t think he’d fuck up again, he’d felt so fucking bad, but Danny didn’t trust that. Which was fair, even if it hurt, he was going to have to prove that he meant it and could hold to it even when he was angry. He needed to get into therapy too, he’d been putting it off because he was scared, and protective of his identity, so much of the shit he’d seen and done was so hard to explain in a civilian situation.

But now that he was on slightly better terms with the JL he could prevail himself of one of their therapists. That ended up being the favour that Danny demanded from them was providing Jason with a therapist, one that wouldn’t be too judgmental of his… ‘methods’. They asked for Wonder Woman’s advice on that, which she was very happy to provide, relieved that Jason was facing up to his bad behaviour and taking steps to make it right. She’d been worried she was going to have to physically knock some sense into him.

The other favour that Danny asked for, not of the JL but from Jason, was not to complain about the family vacation that was being planned between Dick, Tim, Danny, and Alfred. Jason still didn’t love the idea but Danny gave him puppy dog eyes and insisted that it was needed to make him forgive Jason for his slip up. Necessary to make things right with his family and moving on, so he accepted it.

It took a lot of arranging and planning to get the family on vacation. They had to find a time everyone was available, find people they trusted to cover their patrols or cities, and of course agree on a destination. That was harder than you would expect, especially when Bruce got involved and tried to insist it should be in the deep woods somewhere and be a training exercise more than anything.

In the end he was shouted down and it was decided that they were going to go to a beach somewhere warm and sunny. Far enough away from any of their usual haunts that they wouldn’t feel the urge to work as long as there weren’t any natural disasters and Tim was kept off his ipad. Since it was a family vacation Danny invited Ellie and Dan too, though he wasn’t sure that Dan would come. Half of him hoped he wouldn’t because having Dan there was bound to be complicated, but they had decided to be family so Danny was going to put his money where his mouth was. 

Dan had been doing well anyway, he hadn’t missed any check ins and hadn’t caused any chaos in space. So he at least deserved an invite, whether he wanted to come or not. They had a check in two weeks before the trip so Danny brought it up with him then.

“A family vacation huh?” Dan asked, they were ‘sitting’ on a broken satellite which was still orbiting earth through inertia.

“Ya, God knows the Wayne's need it. And honestly so do I. Ellie will be coming too, and you're welcome too if you want to,” Danny said with a little shrug.

“And draw more attention from the GIW onto both of you?” Dan asked skeptically.

“Ya, but they already know Phantom is back and working with the Justice League now. I really don't think they're brave enough to touch us now. And if they try to, with all three of us together with the bats? Frankly I'd like to see them try. Maybe it would give the Justice League the push they need to really give them the smack down.” 

Dan snorted a little at Danny, he still didn't expect that ferocity from his younger self. “Ya I guess so,” he agreed with a crooked little smile.

“But if that was an excuse and you just don't want to come, that's fine. I don't want to push you, I just don't want you to feel left out since we decided we're family now,” Danny explained.

“Nah, I want to come. I want to meet my future brother in law,” Dan said with an absolutely feral smile.

“Oh dear,” Danny said faintly. “That doesn't sound good. Is it too late to uninvite you?” 

“Oh absolutely,” Dan cackled wickedly. “If you're going to be my little brother I should get to vet your boyfriend,” he teased, reaching over to ruffle Danny's hair and laughing when Danny smacked his hand away.

“Fine, you'll be a better judge than some people since I'm assuming we have the same opinions about violence?” He asked, glancing at Dan.

“I think I'm probably even more down for it then you are, but ya. Why?”

“Batman tried to stage an intervention about Jason hitting me. Trying to explain to them that I was totally fine with it and kinda liked it suuucked,” Danny groaned, flopping back dramatically as Dan laughed at him.

“Poor you,” Dan said, entirely unsympathetic. Danny flipped him off. “I'll probably give him shit about it.”

“Just don't scare him off. I really like this guy. If you pull anything I swear I'll spend the rest of our eternity making sure you never get a date!” 

“Sheesh, that's a serious threat kid! As long as he's not a wimp I won't scare him off. If I do scare him off he wasn’t a good fit for you in the first place,” Dan pointed out reasonably.

“Fine, I'll be keeping an eye on you though,” Danny warned.

“Of course you will, I'd expect nothing less after everything I've done,” Dan agreed dryly. “I'm surprised you're letting me be around your new found family at all.”

“Ya, well, you're one of my new found family as well.”

“Shit.”

“If you didn't want to be part of my found family you should have killed me when you had the chance!” 

“IS THAT A FUCKING MEME?!”

------------

All the Wayne’s could have asked their respective flying friends to give them a lift to the resort, but it had been decided no kryptonians were invited. They were trying to keep things to their family, though Dick was bringing Kori, that was fine they had been together off and on for years and were well settled together this time. She might as well be an in-law already. So she would be flying Dick in from Bludhaven, and everyone else was going to fly out from Gotham in the Waynes’ private jet. Well, the Waynes and Babs and Steph, who had taken a little more convincing to come, getting past their insistence they weren’t actually family being the trick. Thankfully the fact that the phantom siblings were coming too helped them see it wasn’t only a trip for the Waynes, and with different heroes and allies found to cover protecting Gotham they were bundled onto the private jet as well. 

 Which Danny and Ellie teased Bruce and Tim relentlessly about owning, Jason snickering in the background and egging on the two ghostly siblings in their teasing. They deserved it, no matter how much Bruce tried to defend that it was expected of him to have a private jet and he needed it for business! 

Teasing didn’t stop them from enjoying it though, Ellie chasing Tim around the isles, with Alfred chiding but not actually trying to stop them from having their fun and being kids for once.  Danny spent half the time exploring and stealing any snacks he found, and half the time murmuring in Jason’s ear about how they should steal the jet to join the mile high club. It was sweet torture and Jason did not want it to stop even as he shifted awkwardly and tried desperately to think unsexy thoughts so he wouldn’t get a boner surrounded by his family! Thank fuck Dick wasn’t here, the knowing smirks he’d be shooting the two of them would be too much.

It was a 16 hour flight, and once Ellie and Tim tired themselves out and fell asleep Bruce pulled out a sleep mask and settled in. Danny gave them this, it was much more comfortable to sleep in, and Jason and Danny slept soundly, at least until Ellie got bored and pounced on Danny. They phased out through the wall of the plane to go for a fly, racing the jet and flying loops around it until Ellie got tired and Danny had to help her back into the jet when she started to fall behind. 

Everyone else had started to wake up while they were gone, so by the time they got back it was just in time to have a family breakfast, and talk about what they were going to do once they landed. They had booked the entire top floor of the resort for privacy, which Danny thought was kind of overkill, but these were The Bats, they were incredibly security minded people, so he didn’t argue about it. Danny was mostly excited about swimming, this was a beach vacation after all!

Finally they landed, and grabbed as much of their stuff as they could from the plane before the bellhops could get them, as if all the staff hadn’t already been vetted by Babs. They were only staying for a week so they didn’t have so much they couldn’t reasonably carry it, and Danny suspected at least Tim had some stuff in his bags he would not want anyone else to see. He was going to keep an eye on the younger man to make sure that he hadn’t smuggled any work with him on vacation. 

They piled out of the plane, chattering excitedly about the vacation, Dick coming onto the plane to help Babs on the slightly too steep ramp from the plane. Kori was waiting for them on the tarmac with a warm smile, taking a couple of the heavier bag.

“We already picked out her room on the left side. I suspect Jason and Danny will want to be on the right, and the… single, and younger members of the family should be in the middle so we all have some place,” Kori suggested. 

“Kori!” Dick chided, though he clearly wasn’t actually shocked. Actually those who’d known the two of them for a while knew that was far more delicately put then she might have said it a couple years ago.

“What?” She said, blinking her bright green eyes innocently at Dick. “This is a romantic destination, and we love each other, we are only doing what is surely expected of a loving romantic union. I doubt your father wants to hear-”

“YES thank you Kori you’re right. We’ll make sure you and Dick, and Jason and Danny have your privacy,” Bruce promised.

Before the conversation could continue Ellie shrieked and dropped her bags, taking off running away from the group. It startled everyone, but hackles smoothed immediately when they spotted Dan, strolling across the lot to meet her at a more casual pace. He rolled his eyes but there was a smile on his face as he bent down to scoop Ellie up before she could headbutt him in the gut at full sprint. He was wearing regular clothes, a black shirt and pants with white stripes down the side, and his fiery hair had been gathered into a low ponytail. He still looked obviously inhuman with his grey-green skin and red eyes, but there were all sorts of meta-humans around and he didn’t look like a supervillain at least. 

Ellie scrambled from in his arms to onto his shoulders as he grumbled at her without any real heat behind it. He shrugged his shoulders, making her squeak and hold on tight as he strolled over to the rest of the group.

“I’m glad you could make it,” Danny said, approaching Dan and patting his arm.

“Hey I told you I would,” Dan said ruffling Danny’s hair and ignoring the way the humans around them shifted nervously. Danny was either ignoring it as well or hadn’t noticed the nerves.

“I don’t believe we’ve met!” Kori said cheerfully, holding out her hand to shake. 

“Hey, I’m Dan. I’m these two’s big brother, by technicality,” Dan joked, gesturing to Danny and Ellie with his free hand, shaking her hand and squeezing too hard. He looked impressed when her smile only brightened and she squeezed back just as hard. “And who might you be?”

“I’m Kori, I’m Dick’s partner,” She said brightly. “You seem strong, we should spar some time soon.”

“I’d like that,” Dan agreed with a shark's grin. Grunting and dropping the smile when Danny elbowed him in the side. 

“Behave,” Danny grumbled at him, getting a growl and an eye roll in return, before his gaze landed on Jason. 

“And you must be Danny’s boyfriend huh?” He asked, letting go of Kori’s hand and offering it to Jason.

“Ya, I am. It’s nice to meet you. He warned me about you,” Jason said, standing up straight and shaking Dan’s hand firmly, trying not to wince when he squeezed it far too tightly. 

“I’m sure he did. I warned me about messing with you too,” Dan cackled, letting go of Jason’s hand before it could crack and shoving his hands in his pockets. 

“Right, well now that everyone’s met each other let’s head inside hm?” Bruce interrupted trying to shoo them all towards the door. They were starting to attract attention standing out in the open like this. “We should pick out our rooms and get comfortable.”

“Ellie, how do you feel about sharing a room with Dan?” Danny asked, glancing up at his young clone, still perched on Dan’s broad shoulders. 

“I don’t need a babysitter!” Both Dan, and Ellie said at the same time before looking at each other, startled as Danny laughed.

“You’d both be absolutely terrible babysitters,” He said fondly. He expected them to get into a good deal of chaos together, but he did think that Ellie would keep Dan from killing anyone, or get Danny if things got completely out of control. 

“Fine, we’ll share,” Dan sighed, and Ellie nodded. 

“Thanks guys,” Danny said, smiling at his siblings before grabbing Jason’s hand and tugging him towards the door. “Come on, let’s go find the most extravagant room we can!”

--------------

There was a bit of a scramble for rooms, not that there weren’t plenty of rooms, but Step, Dick, and Tim were petty and silly and argued over the ‘best’ rooms. And of course once they started Ellie had to get in on the action. Danny and Jason left the younger ones (and Dick) to their squabbling and went to pick out their own room as far away from the rest as they could manage. They found a lovely one with an airy, beachy theme and a window seat looking out onto the ocean.

“It’s beautiful here,” Danny said, sitting down on the padded bench in front of the window and making grabby hands at Jason.

“Is it,” Jason chuckled, going to sit with Danny, who practically dived into Jason’s arms. “I wouldn’t want to live in a place like this, but it is very nice to visit.”

“Of course you wouldn’t, you're a Gothemite and a bat! If it’s not a little close, dark, or gloomy you stand out like a sore thumb,” Danny teased, nuzzling against the underside of Jason’s jaw, who laughed along. “I like our home and our nest though, it’s cozy,” Danny added before Jason could get insecure about it.

“Me too, do you want to unpack first or go exploring?” Jason asked softly.

“As much as I want to go exploring, I think we had better unpack before anyone tries to kick us out of our room by throwing out our bags,” Danny said with a put upon sigh, going nearly boneless against Jason’s chest. 

“You know you’re going to have to get up for us to unpack, right?”

“Noooo!”

-----------

The resort really was beautiful, and since they’d rented an entire floor it wasn’t as crowded as they were sure it usually was. Danny had never been to a place like this and he intended to make the most of it, all of it! The beach, the spa, and the incredibly fucking fancy restaurant and bar where he and Jason could actually drink since the Maldieves actually had a reasonable drinking age! 

Over the course of the week they got couples messages, got so drunk they had to lean on each other to get back to their room, and ordered far too much room service. But undoubtedly the beach was absolutely the main attraction. They spent a lot of time there, to the point Danny got a tan, and Jason was very glad he didn’t burn like Bruce did, who spent most of the second day laying on his stomach in bed with Alfred scolding him about not refreshing his sunscreen after swimming. On the second day Danny remembered he didn’t strictly have to breathe! And Jason spent the rest of the day sitting on the beach while Danny (and Ellie or Dan in turns) disappeared into the water for hours and came back to tell him about everything they saw.

On the third day Jason rented some scuba equipment so he could go down with his boyfriend and see all the wonders he’d been so excited about. At least the ones in shallower waters, he couldn’t follow Danny deeper where the pressure got too much, when Danny realized that he stuck to the shallower areas. By the time they got back to shore Jason was exhausted and very ready for supper, which was a family affair every night of the trip. It was really nice, since Alfred didn’t have to cook he could actually join them and he kept it from being too rowdy. 

They had to push tables together to accommodate the whole family, but the Waynes had more than enough money to get away with it and establish an extra long table for themselves for the entire week of their stay. They tended to eat late, which worked too because there were fewer people for them to disturb with their chatter and chaos, and the eleven of them were usually more than enough for the kitchen to contend with since most of them were big eaters. The dinners were really nice, it didn’t have the baggage of being at the manor, and though they’d met up in smaller groups all of them (minus Kate who had opted out) had never been in the same place. 

It was the perfect opportunity for… something, something that Dick unfortunately beat Jason too on the third night, during dessert when he got up from the table, and got down on one knee in front of Kori. Silence fell over the entire restaurant as Jason bit back a groan and quickly readjusted his expectations to be happy for his brother. 

“Koriand'r, you and I have been together for a long time, and we’ve been through a lot of shit. But never have I not been happy you were there with me for it. You’ve made all of it easier by letting me be by your side, and I hope you’ll let me stick by you for the rest of our lives. Will you marry me?” 

“Yes!” Kori yelped, holding out her hand and letting him put the ring on her finger before she grabbed his wrist and his collar and hauled him in for a passionate kiss as the family cheered and everyone around clapped politely. “You’ll have to come with me to pick out a ring for you as well My Love,” Kori told him warmly while Dick grinned like an idiot. 

“Congratulations!” Steph cheered, practically leaping over the table to tackle both of them as Bruce ordered a few bottles of the best champagne the resort could offer and everyone else lined up to congratulate them as well. Besides Dan, who was being ignored as he grumbled in the corner about how ostentatious and cliche the whole thing was. 

Hey, maybe if Danny secretly shared some of those thoughts Jason had dodged a bullet not being able to propose on this trip. He’d come up with a new plan, one Danny might even like better.

[abbysimsfun]

Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 34 (Surrogate Motherhood & An Offering of Peace)

Heather gave birth a healthy baby boy for Everett and Spencer named Jett, and the besotted parents took him home to Oasis Springs just days after he was born.

In a way it felt strange to spend nine months with Jett only to hand him away, but Heather’s heart swelled seeing her friends’ joy when they held their new son. She felt pride that she could help them. And she had Ash, the most important man in her life.

She returned to work only a week after delivery, getting back to the day-to-day wrangling of her vet techs while tending to animals in need. She wasn’t sure what would happen after the visit from the handsome detective, and as the weeks ticked by, she started to get more and more nervous.

Then one evening, Malcolm knocked on her door. "I'm here to make peace," he vowed, but she hesitated to trust him even as she let him speak. "My mother wanted to send you to prison, but someone stepped in to let cooler heads prevail. It wasn't me, but it probably should have been."

"Are you finally admitting you stole my code?"

He raised his hands in surrender and shot her a cold smile. "You write great code, Buttercup."

"Don't call me that."

"Look, Landgraab Corp. won't press charges for the hack if you accept the deal." He sat right down at her new computer without turning it on, which she took as an insult, but she forced herself to hear him out. "I'll wire 40,000 simoleons to help raise our son...but he's a Landgraab. I know I've been distant, but I want him in my life and I want him to have my last name. The deal has to include a custody agreement."

"Is this your mother's idea?"

"Not all her ideas are bad, Heather."

"Will you please get out of my chair? I didn't invite you here and I don't need your money to raise our son. The clinic does just fine."

"We know how well the clinic does," he reminded her as he stood. "You run the business so well, you'll need a hell of a lot more than you bought it for if you want to buy us out."

Her stomach flipped. "You'd sell?"

"For 175,000 simoleons we will, even though my mother thinks you'd be robbing us blind. I convinced her to offer you a friends and family discount, and Petcare will go along with whatever she wants."

Heather was conflicted, but she was also tired, spending all day on her feet at the clinic so soon after giving birth to baby Jett. Malcolm stayed to care for Ash while she tried to take a nap, but she tossed and turned thinking about the offer.

Accepting felt like she was trading her son for her business. And the silly old legend of the Landgraab curse played tricks with her mind.

More than anything, Heather needed to talk to her family. ->

<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 1 Summary | Gen 1 Start

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.143 Loitering

When I got home, I found Kooper waiting on the porch, looking like a freezer bunny popsicle. Despite the summer heat, he shivered as though a blizzard had blown in. His fur was blue like ice and nose was red as a cherry. Something was bad wrong, so I scooped him up and went back to Newcrest expeditiously. I'd never been to a vet before and had no idea what hours they kept and hoped they worked a bit longer than sim doctors. The lights were on when I arrived, and I felt so relieved to see the doctor still inside. He took one look at Kooper and ushered to a room right away. I feared his alarm showed the severity of Kooper's condition, but it did not. He said that particular illness could lead to more serious things, and at Kooper's age, we needed to act quickly. Good thing I didn't try to solve this on my own.

Kooper was a champ, looking completely unbothered, though the situation was foreign to him. Even the doctor commented, saying first-timers were usually nervous and sometimes got aggressive because they went into self-preservation mode. I presumed my presence had a calming effect on him, and it was fascinating to observe the trust between us in action.

His illness may not have been serious, but the bill certainly was. Between the pets and my daughter, I realized my life was about to get very expensive, and it seemed like every day I had a new reason to appreciate the money tree.

Before leaving, I remembered I wanted to get him and Rosie some age down and wellness treats. Even though I never wanted to see my pets suffer, I was glad for the opportunity to take care of that errand because I kept putting off.

Sophia was waiting for me when we got home and looked very relieved when I came in with Kooper.

"There he is! I couldn't find him for like two hours. I thought he ran away or something."

"Nah, he's fine now. I got home a little while ago and saw he was really sick, so I took him to the vet."

"Oh! Oh gosh. Well...I'm glad he's alright."

"Yeah... I got them some wellness treats...and something to make them young again."

"Oh good! We don't need dying parents and pets."

"You got that right."

She fell onto me and squeezed super tight, and I melted into her, not realizing how much I had missed her. I loved my daughter, and hanging out with my niblings, parents, and Less had been great. But this... That hug was what I really needed. I tried to keep all my visits short, but it still felt like we'd been apart for way too long.

"I miss you, Luca," she said, purring in my ear.

"I miss you too."

"I really really miss you."

I knew she wasn't trying to make me feel guilty and was just stating her truth, but I still felt it. Every day, it seemed like I ran off to go be with everyone else besides her and Desi.

"I'm right here," I said. "You don't have to miss me anymore."

"Desiree is asleep," she whispered.

"Oh, good... Oh!"

I started to ask something dumb like if she felt up to it, but she wouldn't be loitering in our living room if she didn't. Sophia never beat around the bush when it came to woohoo, so I took her hand and went upstairs. That was certainly not the actions of a depressed woman.

[river-witchery]

URGENT: Kitten in Need of Home

This is a major long-shot, but we are having a really hard time finding a shelter or foster home that can take this kitten.

Is there anyone near Southwest Virginia who would like a kitten?

We've been calling him Loki.

He has been to the vet once for a basic checkup and he's been tested for FeLV and FIV. He's about 8-10 weeks old.. we think. He was rescued from the engine compartment of a friend's car.

He is energetic and wants to be social with our cats, but they haven't been tolerating it. I think he'd make great friends with a social cat or even dog. He is very confident.

We don't have the money to get his vaccines or have extra checkups. He has a sensitive stomach and is itchy sometimes (no fleas), but we just can't afford to pursue these issues further. (I can manage to drive out to meet you though!)

Please pass this around. Serious inquiries are welcome to message me directly. We are asking around irl, continuing to reach out to shelters, and waiting for a foster home to open up, but things are getting really difficult to keep up. Our cats are very stressed and we can't give him the care he needs.

[queenofthursday6599-blog]

So for those who've probably noticed that I'm going through the old FOP episodes.

Here's something else that I've noticed.

Vicky will be painted as a monster even when she's doing something that's in the right.

Like during Dog's Day Afternoon, Vicky is painted as the villain because she does the responsible pet owner thing of getting her pets de-sexed.

Even though the whole inciting incident of the episode is that Timmy wants to switch brains with Vicky's dog because Vicky treats her pets better than she treats him, or people in general really.

The only pet she really seems to treat poorly is Goldie her Goldfish, because she lost interest in him.

Also the show has the stereotype of animal becomes depressed after getting de-sexed. For this episode.

With all of Vicky's pets that have been de-sexed appearing either outright depressed or just anxious in the case of Chipper the Cat.

Even though research shows that animals aren't really emotionally attached to their reproductive organs the way humans are.

Like they're more likely to be traumatized by the process if you've got a shitty vet, or poor post operative care, than they are by the actual state of being de-sexed.

Not to mention we see Doidle (Vicky's dog) later on in the series, and he's not depressed at all. He's pissed at Timmy and hates his guts, but he's just as active as he was in his debut episode. He goes through a period of "depression" but in reality he's probably just healing from surgery, because he bounces back from that later on.

Chipper's attitude is more in line with a declawed cat than a de-sexed one, Goldie's de-sexing is just nonsensical and is just to make it seem like Vicky does this for fun.

While Ginny's de-sexing is similar, as I've never even heard of someone de-sexing a parrot outside of it being medically necessary. Like due to cancer, or some similar medical problem. Which those kinds of issues are actually quite common in birds. Hell most vets won't even do this kind of procedure on a bird without a medical need for it.

Same for rodents. The vast majority of people who keep pet rodents, don't get said rodents de-sexed, unless there's a medical problem, or they've decided to house the pet in a set up with a member of the opposite sex.

Not to mention, all of this would take money. Money out of the notoriously greedy and money hungry Vicky's pocket, unless she's somehow getting her parents to pay for her numerous animals care and vet bills.

Like why is this show roasting Vicky for being a shockingly responsible pet owner considering who she is as a person?

Not to mention going through the time and money it takes to get an animal de-sexed, especially animals that don't commonly get de-sexed, like a Hamster, Goldfish, and Parrot? Where in you'd have to pay extra, and seek out a vet willing to do so in the first place, meaning you're almost certainly looking for a specialist?

How is it that after going through all the time, and effort, and money, it would take to get all her animals de-sexed, is Vicky then suddenly ignoring her pets.

Like you have to pick one.

Either Vicky is the type of pet owner to go completely overboard and prefer her pets over people.

Or Vicky is an irresponsible pet owner who buys animals to entertain herself but doesn't take care of them properly once she gets board of them.

You can't have it both ways.

[chuwuyas]

about c&r

Hello my dear saioumers, it is I, jul chuwuyas. I wanted to stop by to talk a little bit about c&r since people ask me about it a lot

Unfortunately, to talk about it, I will have to dive into some personal stuff and share some things with you all that I've been keeping to myself for quite some time now and didn't really want to share, but felt like I needed to. So, since some stuff will be kinda, uh... serious? I will put everything under the cut

(TL;DR for those who don't wanna read about my personal life tho: c&r is NOT abandoned, but writer's block is not the only reason why I haven't updated the fic yet (tho it is one of them). I don't know when the hiatus will end. I'm sorry)

(CW for the things under the cut: mental illness, pet death, suicide ideation)

So, to start: yes, writer's block is one of the reasons why c&r is on hiatus. No, I have not been lying about it. I burned out so badly in 2021 that it's Still hard for me to write things that satisfy me because I reached my peak back then and was popping out 5, 6 fics in a month for 7/8 whole months when my usual is/was about 2 or 3 a year (if you check my ao3 page and the dates in which my fics were posted, you'll see that aside from the danganronpa fics, that usually was the case. I'm a slow writer). I'm still recovering. And the universe seems to not want me to.

Last year, around January, I felt like I was finally setting myself free from writer's block. I started writing something for my oc ship (yes, yes, I know. Not c&r. But what can I say? They bring me comfort) and I was so happy with what I got, so inspired to write, I was actually seeing the words on the doc again.

Then, one of my three cats got sick. Then, he died.

It completely broke me in a way I don't think I will ever recover. I was extremely attached to him and I drained all the money I had saved for therapy to try to save him, but it didn't work and I lost my cat, the money, and consequently my mental health. We spent almost an entire month taking him to the vet and bringing him back home because the vet kept telling us he was okay and then he'd get even worse and need hospitalization again, so that was more money spent on him. I had my friends help me with that, and I am immensely grateful even though it didn't work out in the end. Thank you for helping me bring him some comfort on his last days @ friendos.

After he died, a couple of months later, I tried writing again and managed to write a few thousand words, but my mental health still wasn't the best. Then, I started getting some personal problems that I will not talk about here but took a toll on me and shoved me back into the writer's block box, but now with the addition of increasingly growing self-doubt and depressive thoughts that soon turned suicidal.

Then, around September, another cat of mine got sick. And, this time, we didn't have money to help him.

He was my best friend. We basically grew up together (he was 13 and was born when I was 11, so I had him longer than I didn't have him) and I was also extremely attached to him. When he got sick, I would sit down on the floor and talk to him in tears asking him to hold on just until I got a job so I could pay for his bills. I didn't get a job fast enough to help him. It was me who found him, too.

From August to November, things were so bad in my life (between my personal life, my pets' deaths, and family members getting sick) I genuinely caught myself considering ending my suffering. Planning it. Thinking about it every day. Not wanting to wake up. It was a rough period of my life that I made it through alone because I didn't really tell anyone what was going on with me. I wished I could go back to the past. I wished I could change things to make the future not so bad. I'm still caught up in the past and nostalgic for a time that will not come back no matter how much I wish it would. But I pushed it through.

And one of the things that kept me from ending it all was the fact I haven't finished c&r yet.

I didn't wanna go without concluding the story. I didn't wanna go without showing you all what I have planned for the last chapter and how this story will end. So, I started using c&r as some sort of anchor — something to keep me going because I still have something to do on this earth before leaving. I love this story and I don't wanna leave it unfinished. I wanna see your reactions reading the last chapter, the freaking out, the key smashes, the DMs I'll receive, the theories, the fanarts. I love how big this story got and the little fandom it got for itself. People love something that I wrote so much they make art of it! They cosplay the characters, they write things based on it! It's so mindblowing that something like this would ever happen to me, I started telling myself: I can't die until I finish catch & release.

My mental health is way better now and I'm no longer considering suicide (though, ough, it sucks not having a lot of money). I have a job now and can pay for the vet in case my last cat gets sick. My personal life is good now, too, and my relative who's sick is doing a lot better. I have things to look forward to. Things are good now. I'm happy, though I still miss my cats every day.

I am, however, still using c&r as one of my anchors, and I don't know when I will stop doing so. So, for now, the fic is still on hiatus. But it isn't abandoned, and it will never be. I will finish it one day. So, until then, keep bearing with me.

Thank you for reading, and most of all thank you for understanding. I love you all.

[vampirecorleone]

It's been a l o o o o n g time since I've made a personal post on this blog which makes no sense considering I created this side blog to be a diary of somewhat for my rants. But I'm gonna bitch today. Out of fucking nowhere, our dog Butch died. On June 12, he had his teeth cleaned and had eight extractions. But the vet said he did better than he anticipated. He literally had to have a blood test done to make sure he would be safe for it considering he was 16 years old and he was approved which made us feel better. He came home, had a burst of energy for a couple of weeks and then just collapsed on July 10 mid afternoon. He's had days where he over exerts himself and just needs some time to rest so we assumed that's what this was. My mom said if he wasn't doing better be 10:00 pm, we were gonna take him to the hospital. And then he fucking died at 9:55 pm. He went downhill so fast we couldn't even catch it. And he literally died 24 days before the two year anniversary of Butters dying. This. Is. The. Fucking. Worst. Luck. Ever. It's stressful as fuck cause now we only have two dogs left and they were so attached to him. They're both deaf and just lounge around except for interacting with him and we're just doping they don't get depressed like he seemed he was when his sister died.

And then our roommate / my mom's best friend who we've lived with for twenty years just kept complaining about money the entire time. He tried to convince to not take him to the hospital because even though the Human Society sets the cremation fees, the animal hospital charges an administrative fee and he wanted it to be cheaper. He agrees to let us take him to the hospital (the dog HE named btw) but said to my mom, "this charge is gonna KILL my credit card).

I understand that not everyone is an animal lover. But he named this dog and claimed him as his until money was brought up. Then tried to talk us out of getting his dislocated hip fixed and him tumor removed. It's so fucking annoying because he may not have loved him, but he knew we do and it's such an inappropriate thing to say to someone when their dog hasn't even been dead for a full hour yet.

Anyway, please forgive my rant. I just had to bitch about this because I've been fucking livid for days. Thank goodness for shows and Photoshop to distract me.

[dandylion-virtual-adventurer]

I'm extremely anxious. Two of my cats are having health issues. My youngest and my oldest.

Goose, 2, started having soft stool a while ago. I took her to the vet as soon as I figured out it was her. Unfortunately, with four cats in the house it took three weeks to determine who it was. Especially because all cats were acting normally! It was labor day weekend when I was finally able to watch them for an extended amount of time and saw it was her.

She had blood work and they took a stool sample, and could determine nothing wrong with her! And since she was eating, drinking, and playing as normal the vet had no idea what the cause was. He gave me some special wet food and two other oral medicines to try on her.

She ate a little of the wet food the first two days, but eventually refused to eat it and constantly begged for her normal pellets. We spend quite a lot of money for our income level on high quality, high protein dry food. The cats really like it! So she refused to eat the wet food. She also.... is a demon. And we tried really hard to get the other two medicines in her, but she just will not have it. My husband tried and ended up really badly bleeding. We couldn't even try again because she lost her trust in us and started running away. I feel horrible that we couldn't do it. We really tried. But some cats are just really really difficult, and she is one.

Her soft stool did stop though after the vet visit. But it retuned off and on a week or so after wards.

We have an enclosed patio ("catio") that I guessed could be a cause of something upsetting her. Maybe this isn't likely, but I thought maybe she was eating bugs that are bad for her or something. So we locked up the catio for a week. The soft stool did stop. But it was during this time that my 12 year old cat, Sherlock, started to display some worrying changes.

First, I noticed he was thumping his back feet more frequently than usual. You know the way a cat sort of shakes their paw when they have something on it? He started doing that a lot. Flicking his front paw and thumping his back paw, and licking them a lot. Now three days ago, I woke up to find him bleeding from a sore above his eye. He suffers from seasonal allergies, but they usually happen every spring. This year it was better than normal, so at first my husband thought it was related to some new seasonal allergy. But yesterday I saw it was getting worse. He has sores all around his mouth and eyes. Usually it's just his mouth and not ever this bad. This along with the limb flicking and excessive grooming has me freaking out. He already has a heart murmur that we manage.

And now, Goose's soft stool is back again.

I'm taking Goose and Sherlock to the vet tomorrow. I'm worried about what is wrong... I'm worried about them not being able to find out what is wrong. Frankly, I'm worried about the cost (I'm low income). And...I'm worried about not being able to treat Goose because she's so aggressive.

All of my cats are rescues. They probably wouldn't be alive now if we didn't adopt them. But I struggle with feelings of guilt about not having endless money to care for them. I also live in the rural American south. My only vet choice is a small country vet whose entire office still runs on pen and paper instead of computers. They are very nice, but they aren't necessarily equipped for much more than annual check-ups and common ailments. Because of Sherlock's heart murmur and extremely high levels of anxiety, they suggested I don't even take him to the vet unless it's really necessary because the car ride itself is so bad for him!!! Two hours to an emergency vet could literally kill him.

You see why I'm a wreck???

Here’s a pic of them from less stressful days 🧡🤎

[bells-of-black-sunday]

I'm going to take a hiatus, hopefully not for anything more than a week or two, probably not going to be writing much, might reblog art or aesthetics here and there. There's just too much going on in my life right now for me to even think about writing as a hobby and not just an obligation. I'll put a few details under cut, but I'm definitely not going to get into anything specific just to I guess partially vent, but also just keep my mutuals aware in case they do dm me and I seen super agitated or barely there.

For those that don't know I don't get along with my brother at all, we used to get into screaming matches growing up and even when I thought we had put that behind us and I had gotten closer with him I endured a lot of emotional abuse to keep him happy for 5 or 6 years. Didn't quite realize how bad it had messed me up until I started developing agoraphobia due to being utterly afraid of getting yelled at for making any sort of small mistake by anyone even complete strangers at the grocery store. I've had 3 separate therapists tell me to limit my contact with him as best I can even though we both live under the same roof and he is unemployed same as I.

Yada yada, he goes on vacation out of state for 3 weeks and I genuinely was really happy then he comes back and my body had to get adjusted to living with him again. That passed and I was doing okay, just generally kind of stressed, then my Grandpa called and said they're out of money completely. My grandma is in at home hospice care, it's free with their insurance, but my Mom still has to help with their bills and stuff. Then after that my duck, Nubbins, gets what I think is botulism I'm still not sure and stops being able to walk normally, so I'm taking care of him and checking up on him all day. We don't have a vet around here that sees ducks for less than 1200$ and my parents genuinely cannot afford that right now.

So he's still in my bathroom laying on towels that I change twice a day and I let him swim in the bath tub twice a day too in-between getting him water and making sure he's eating and drinking. Then I also have to make things for a craft fair I'm going to on oct 26. But I literally can't have a day w/o something happening so my aunt who takes care of my Grandma and gets her out of bed after her husband relapses for the 50th time (he doesn't want to get clean and we keep telling her that) has a mental break down, leaves and tells my mom she can't do it anymore and she needs a break. So there's drama with that too right now.

Again not giving out every detail, but it is literally every day something new happens. So I am just more on edge and way more stressed which turns into depression episodes where I just feel like shit all day. Genuinely if I'm mean or rude when you dm me or send asks, I am not meaning to, I genuinely am just really stressed and doing my best.

[monpalace]

wars and wind. 900+ words. wars is a kleptomaniac. an unorganized wordvomit

"Don't touch that."

"What?"

"It's toxic. Don't touch it."

Wind pulls his hand away from the vines that climbed the side of the shack. He looks back at it with a tilted head, one of his ears falling with the change of position. "How d'you know? This' Vet's Hyrule, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is," Warriors confirms, crouching beside the sailor. He takes the stick he haphazardly poked the flora with previously, using it to separate the tangling leaves from each other. "I read it."

"In a book?"

Wind shoves Warriors away when he looks at him from the corner of his eye with a raised brow. "Y'know what I mean," he huffs, ignoring the scoff that leaves the man. He also ignores the way he fell onto his hip, almost kicking Wind down with him. "In one 'f those.. plant books, or was it just any ol' book?"

"I stole it."

A slip of the tongue.

"You steal?"

"Is that so shocking?"

There's a thoughtful pause from Wind. His nose scrunches as he thinks, eyes jumping from Warriors face to his hands before—

"Y'er too pretty to steal," he says, islander accent coming through strong. If he hadn't been exposed to it before, Warriors would've had trouble understanding it. "Now you bein' allowed to take it without payin'? That's more like you."

Warriors rolls his eyes while he pushes himself back to his feet. "Well," he starts while wiping his backside off, "I stole it. Now let's go; we've been separated from the others long enough. I don't want to push our luck."

"Wait!—" Wind struggles to stand when the pins and needles in his knees make themselves known. Though Warrior's pace was slow, his limp still left him trailing behind. "So— shit! Fuck! Ow!— So, d'you steal a lot? Like 'r last supply run?"

"No," Warriors is quick to answer. "Of course not."

Wind knows a liar when he sees one.

"Then how come you stole the book?"

"It never hurts to learn about your surroundings, and I didn't have the rupees to pay for it. Four borrowed my pouch and never gave it back."

Wind's brows furrow. "Then how'd ya' pay f'r our food back in the tavern this mornin'?"

There's an itch in Warriors' jaw that he scratches by moving it until it pops. He knows Wind is giving him that look he always has when he finds something new, but he tells himself it's just his nerves.

"You said it yourself," he answers after a few moments have passed. "I'm pretty."

With how little supplies they had between the two of them, Warriors knows how the ring with a gold band and shining ruby had gotten into the pocket of his slacks.

He plays with it in his pocket while he and Wind traverse the streets of this new town. They'd only been there half a day— long enough for them to both rest and gain their bearings.

His tongue finds its home running around the bumps in his cheek. He keeps his hand firm on the collar of Wind's shirt as he guides him through the crowded streets.

Another ring, a necklace, a red rupee, a hair tie, an earring.

Warriors' pockets were quick to fill.

"Stay around," he tells Wind with a tap against his neck. The sailor's giving him a squinted look at his avoidance of meeting eyes, trying to follow his line of sight but failing to do so over the crowd. "I'll only be a minute."

"Where're you goin'? The old man said not to split if we get separated."

"To see if I can get any word on the others or a portal. You should do the same."

Warriors is quick to leave Wind's side after that.

His feet lead him to the pawn shop even though his mind begs them to return the items to their rightful owners, but they were low on everything.

They were obviously in more need of the money than the previous owners.

Warriors presses a hand to his forehead when his thoughts start to wander. It was a mindset he'd like to claim he left behind when he joined the army, but he was an old dog and habits die hard.

He finds the shop, empties his bulging pockets, takes his rupees, buys a bag, and rushes to find Wind.

"You'd make a good pirate, y'know."

Warriors was never the best cook, but he knew how to make do with what they had.

He stops poking the rabbit meat that roasted over the open flame to look up at Wind with a bit tongue.

"I'm sorry?"

Wind untucks his chin from behind his knees and stares at Warriors with big, doe eyes that fill him with guilt. "You'd never be bett'r than me, but I'd let you be apart of my crew."

"Don't say that." Warriors’ eyes duck back to the rabbit when his heart feels too heavy to inhabit his body.

"Why not?" Wind splays himself out when the chill of the night starts to bite at his skin, pushing himself closer to the fire. There isn't the usual wisecrack lilt in his voice, instead filled with genuine curiosity. "I saw the way you kept stealing those—"

"You didn't," Warriors says with a thick swallow. There's a tremble in his arm that he knows Wind catches. "And you never will."

The wind goes stale and Warriors takes a steadying breath. He takes to rabbit off the fire when it's seconds away from becoming charred and doesn't mind the painful licks the flames give his fingers.

He wraps it up in a kerchief he couldn't bring himself to sell, rubbing the oil that seeps through on his palm when he hands it off to Wind.

"Be careful and rest well when you finish. I'll watch during the night."

Wind squints his eyes but takes the rabbit without argument.

[abbysimsfun]

Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 17 (Godmother Buttercup)

As Buttercups began to catch on and more vets began to order the treats for their own clinics, Nancy called a family meeting after a swim in the penthouse pool.

"That girl is a real piece of work!" she huffed. "Half of Petcare's clinics switched suppliers after she conspired with her father. We can't sue them all - we'll lose!"

"You almost have to admire the ingenuity," offered Geoffrey, but Nancy shut him up with a glower.

"I don't care what foods people buy their pets; if there's money being made in one of our properties, I want a cut!" She turned to her son. "Have you talked to her about this?"

"No." Malcolm grumbled.

"She's not Landgraab material, Malcolm. She even spays and neuters pets for free. Free! Do you know how much she could be charging?"

Malcolm had felt pulled in separate directions for a while now. "She's trying to control the pet population! It's actually a pretty decent thing to do."

"What good is decency? More animals mean more patients, and that means more money. It's simple math, Malcolm."

"If it was as simple as just breaking things off and moving on, I'd have done it already," Malcolm huffed, and Geoffrey intervened before his wife had a chance to speak.

"Okay you two. Let's cool off before we say something we might regret. Nancy, your son's an adult and he can figure out what he wants for himself."

"He has to think of the family name, Geoffrey."

"He knows that."

Malcolm's head swam as he listened to his parents discuss him as though he wasn't still in the room. He really liked Heather, but her business sense was too honest for Landgraab Corp., and being tied to the conglomerate made her unhappy.

"I'll talk to her after her sister's wedding," he promised his mother, but he was already dreading how the conversation might go.

Back in Brindleton Bay, Heather was finding her vet tech, Marcus Flex, problematic. Charismatic, the clients loved him, but he was frustratingly bad at his job. Heather had mastered her veterinary skills and her vet tech couldn’t keep up.

"What can I do to encourage you, Marcus? A raise and promotion hasn't done much."

"I work hard, Doc Nesbitt."

"You also try to put the moves on half the owners who walk in here. And you're always late."

"I like beautiful people as much as I like my sleep."

"Would you take some night classes to improve your skills? I'll pay for them."

Marcus shrugged his shoulders. "I'd rather go out with friends, but if you think it would be good, I guess I could do both. I might be later to work if I have to stay out later, though."

"You don't have to stay out later, Marcus."

"Work-life balance is important, boss. I don't mean to be rude, but you work too hard. It's impossible to work as hard as you do."

She sighed. Marcus was right about that - she needed a vacation. As she left for Oasis Springs to meet baby Greyson, she worried she’d have to fire him, but she didn’t want to give up on him just yet.

The desert was sweltering when Heather arrived, but she set aside her discomfort to meet and celebrate her godson. Greyson, on the other hand, wasn't happy in the heat. He also disliked strangers, large crowds, and in general stressed out Spencer by crying all afternoon, even during the christening.

She put on a brave face while Everett entertained their guests, delighting in showing off his lookalike son. When Everett had to check on the appetizers in the kitchen, Heather tried to soothe the fussy infant with stories about his parents.

"Your parents used to race each other on the monkey bars when we were kids, and your mother was the undisputed champion of the Henford Olympiad! None of us could out-swing her!"

Greyson cooed as she spoke, but when she finished he whimpered before his face scrunched into a sob. "Ma-maaaa!" he wailed, and Spencer came running.

Despite the chaotic visit, Heather appreciated a couple days in the sunshine reconnecting with the Pancakes.

The next stop on Heather's small vacation tour would be San Myshuno for her sister's wedding. ->

<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 1 Summary | Gen 1 Start

[blindrapture]

SATURDAY AUGUST 6TH, 2011 (Don't Speak Its True Name VI: The Ghost)

12:00 AM We took some time to finish our coffees, then Lilith had us get equipped. She took us to some more rooms (this building has so many rooms!) and gave us hazmat suits. Fentzy asked if we're dealing with something radioactive, but apparently that's inconclusive, and the suits are to make us feel safer. I've asked to see a map, and she's gone digging for a paper one I can carry around with me.

12:01 AM danny "Yo, so, uh, are we really gonna stick around for this? Shouldn't we just dip?" fentzy "Well, how bad could it be?" danny "That's a question with no upper limit." She's asking us for help. I don't know if she'd want us to die in the process. donnie "We did kill a bunch of her security…" bones "So it could be a trap. For revenge." danny "We really should just go. There's no way she's not tricking us." she's back. "Having second thoughts? That's not surprising. But there are five of you, and you have weapons." she's brought Danny's machete. gave it to him. he's looking at it. at her. lilith "Wouldn't you at least like to see what I'm asking you to deal with? I do have a plan."

12:02 AM Paper maps. The warehouse is a separate building that's slotted into this one, making the overall structure a clean rectangle, but this building itself, with the offices and labs and corridors, is more of an L. It has three floors. All three have similar layouts, though each floor has an additional corridor somewhere exclusive to it. The first floor is the only one that connects to the warehouse. The monster is currently loose on the third floor. Lilith thinks it's gotten into the vents. She doesn't want us to kill it, because it is a spidercat spliced with important technology. "It was an experiment." We want to protect the merchandise. And Lilith wants that technology back.

12:03 AM Down the corridor that led to the cages, but in the other direction, is a stairwell. Up we go. The doors to the third floor are currently blocked with a broom through the handles. "Just in case." Lilith will hang back, but we have been given a cat carrier. We're removing the broom. danny "feel like a bunch of chumps."

12:04 AM "here, kitty... here, kitty kitty…" "this is so stupid. what the fuck are we doing." "kitty... kitty kitty… little pussycat..." "thirty-one waves of professionals couldn't wrangle a fucking cat? and we supposedly could?" "baby? where's the little baby, where are you, little cabbage?" "I had trouble even getting my cat to the vet… this one's got eight legs!" "tch tch tch tch, kitty! cat cat!! where cat? where are you, cattacat?" "how many security guards are even in a wave? we fought like a dozen of them. that was just one wave? how many guards does the Genera have? where does it get the money? especially now?" "bubbly-boo, where are you? little bubba... weetohl buhhbba…" "and this technology! way to be specific, lady! it could be as simple as a tracking chip or as dangerous as laser beams coming out of its eyes. we were given hazmat suits, for fuck's sake!"

12:05 AM The third floor has dim lights, many of which are flickering. The bulbs haven't been changed in a while. This floor's exclusive corridor is down near where the corridor would connect to the warehouse, but instead it keeps going and takes a right turn where I'd expect it to turn left. And it's down there that we hear skittering in the walls. pit pat. pitter pat. Bones has the cat carrier at the ready. We were given keys to open any of the doors we need, to find the vent where we can get at this cat. We picked a door. We hear meows. We're going to remove the vent cover.

12:06 AM REEEOWWWWW HISSSSS "I'VE GOT IT! I'VE GOT IT-- SATAN'S STEAMING CUNT" RRRRRRRRRRRRRAO skitter-skatter pitter-patter pat pat pat pat… it ran back into the vent. okay, cats are bad enough to wrangle when they only have four sets of claws. everyone's groaning. back to listening for where it's gone.

12:08 AM "here kitty... cat cat c-cat cat cat... we're not gonna hurt you... do we have any, like, treats for it or anything?" "my fucking hazmat suit's torn up, he scratched my arm. someone else needs to take the lead next time. can't fucking believe this is what we're doing." "little meow meow! oh little meow meow! little mrrkgnao! little tower-jumper with your little pink button-nose!" "did anyone see anything different about that cat? it looked normal to me. so at least we're not dealing with laser eyes. maybe it is a tracking device. or some weird vaccine deal." "oh youuu are a kitty-cat, youuu arrre a cat, youuu are a kitty-cat, and kitty is your name, rrowr!" "this is such bullshit."

12:10 AM ..you hear that? movement from this room. doesn't even sound like it's in a vent. who's got the keys? bones, give me that carrier, you try to get the cat this time.

12:11 AM dark room, lights off, but there's desks and computers here much like Lilith's office. ..the cat ran straight into the carrier and made itself small. o_o fentzy's a little pale. what's. what's wrong? "I thought I saw something for a moment. But this room's empty now." bones "Shit, you saw that too?" "Wait, it wasn't just in my head? What'd you see?" "A fucking ghost? Walked right through the wall." A. what? o__o bones "It had a mangled face and was looking right at us, walking backwards into that wall right there. I think it's what scared the spidercat." ..let's go to lilith. please. I don't like ghosts. bones "No complaint from me."

12:12 AM On the way back to the stairwell, Danny volunteered to watch our six and see if anything appeared behind us. Just in case. Entering the stairwell, he said "fuck" and hurried us through the doors. We passed Lilith on the second floor, telling her to just.. come with us, we didn't want to talk there.

12:13 AM Lilith's lab. She took the cat carrier from us. "That was fast. Can I.. hire you guys? Full-time?" looked at us for a moment. "..something wrong?" fentzy "You didn't tell us there was a ghost up there." lilith "A what? What did you see?" fentzy "We only saw it for a moment before it walked through a wall. It was pale, mangled, and vaguely human-y." lilith "Human? Mangled? Through a wall?" danny "It was crawling across the floor. But it was like something else's approximation of 'crawling.' Its limbs rotated like wheels on axles." he's looking around the room, like I do when I've just seen a spider. "Pale skin. Really smooth. The eyes had static.. like, TV static... You have, like, all these top-secret projects and stuff. Anything you're not telling us about the third floor?" she's thinking. taking this seriously. lilith "..no? There's.. projects up there, yes, and it's stuff you don't need to know about, but it's in the nature of information on computers, some petri dishes. You say this thing is on the third floor, for sure?" bones "We didn't see it until like ten minutes into our search. But I get the feeling that cat hadn't even seen it until then either, which tells me it just got here." Does it sound familiar to you, Lilith? Is it anything you can explain? lilith "No. Even amongst the fossils, the, uh, gods, I've never known something to pass through walls. Maybe Passacaglia? I guess that might also account for limbs on axles? But if multiple people are seeing the same thing, then I have no idea?" !!! noise. sounded like powered machinery shutting down. ...the lights went off. lilith turned on a flashlight. "What in the world...?" donnie "Do you have any more of those? Flashlights." "There's another over there, next to Abe. Listen, uh, I don't recognize this thing you saw, and dramatic timing all but screams at me that it's probably what turned the power off. Maybe we should.. leave." donnie's got the extra flashlight. SCREAMED ran to us. "LOOK" the wall, near where she got the flashlight. a face is poking through. eyes filled with static bleeding out noisily. mouth is all teeth, too many teeth, poking out through a closed mouth. while I was writing all that the others said a lot of things but point is we're going now, going now, going now

12:14 AM to the warehouse. through the warehouse. past the corpses. the corpses are raising. zombies. just slip past them. jesus christ they're nothing. get to the car. just get to the car!! the car has space for five, and there's six of us. plus the damn spidercat. donnie "oh fuck it, jordan I'm sitting on your lap." fentzy "that works. lilith, either keep the cat on your lap, or leave it, I don't care which. I'm driving." the zombies are screeching. sounds like they're being torn to shreds.

12:15 AM [donnie] We're in, and we're off. Jordan can't write in this position, so I've got the journal again. As we pulled away, we could see a gnarled figure move into the parking lot, limbs pointing in illogical directions, eyes glowing and flickering and wide, a mouth of teeth opening wide and letting out a scream that sounded like... a normal human's.

12:34 AM We have been talking with Lilith. She truly doesn't know what the creature is that we encountered. She's spent some time trying to identify what it might be but has drawn a blank. She says the only Fear that can do anything close would be the Musicians, but Jordan was assertive about this not being them, and Lilith agreed, as the Musicians' hallucinations are supposed to be centered on one subject at a time. So instead, we've asked Lilith to tell us about the people held in pods. That was what she had agreed to tell us in exchange for securing the spidercat, after all. The pods in the trucks contained the original citizens of Dominiere, who were Canadians from across the country who had died long ago. They weren't.. actually residents of Dominiere, as they died before the town even existed, but they do serve as the models for the current population. Lilith came from the UK branch of the Topography Genera Center and had flown over to Canada to do some field research when she discovered an instance of underscore beginning to grow, so she proposed to her higher-ups that she run a program to study the process. They accepted, with a catch: Rather than allow people to wander in and get taken by the town organically, she was to make use of the Genera's connections and include another Fear. So: Zombies. The people in the pod are all zombies. But that still doesn't account for the full details. We had been in Dominiere for five days and didn't notice anything strange about the people there; they did not look like zombies. And that gets into why the Archangel agreed to be involved in this project, the full details of which Lilith is not privy to; she has had to piece together even that what she knows. The Archangel came to the Genera shortly after the apocalypse began, that much she knew. She can surmise he came to trade notes and to make use of their expertise. She suspects he sought to learn the truth about Indisen. And she knows he succeeded, because. The citizens of Dominiere, the people that we met, are Indisen. They are Indisen off-shoots of his own zombies. Lilith's team, studying underscore, used zombies to (somehow) produce Indisen who were given to the town in sacrifice, to become the lifeblood of Dominiere. And that's the story Lilith gave us. It's spotty, but it's all she knows.

12:42 AM Rauri wants to drive us into Vancouver, where we can find a place to sleep. Lilith can figure out what she's doing in the morning. My poor Jordan needs that sleep.

1:04 AM These streets are wrought with potholes. These house windows scattered with cracks. Very few cars are left here. The people who once lived here might have decided to move closer to the city centre. What's left are houses not even scavengers would want.

1:18 AM [jordan] got the journal back. we just.. took the first house we saw that was anything like decent. danny and fentzy want to sleep on the ground floor, listen for intruders. I think bones is down there with them too. lilith is doing something in the back garden, I don't know. donnie and I are sleeping here on the second floor.

11:37 AM FINE FINE I'm getting up just want to sleep forever.

11:38 AM today's another scorcher, even up this far north. donnie wants to have a meeting and actually, like. figure out what we're doing.

11:40 AM I'm not even the last one to wake up. Huh. Gotta wait for Danny. And Fentzy's in the bathroom. I see Lilith out there in the yard, behind the house.

11:41 AM She's got bowls of cat food and water next to her, and she's watching the spidercat roll around in the grass. They are pretty cute. I'm thankful they don't really move like spiders. "It's not used to the extra legs. Apocalypse or no, it's still a cat." chirp Now it's licking itself as it lays on its side.

11:42 AM "So, you know about the Fears?" Yeah. What'd you call them, Fossils? "Genera policy. Hard to shake." I do know about them. I've been dealing with them since not long after the red sky. "And you talk to them?" When they let me. Some of them aren't the talking sort and just try to kill me instead. "But some of them do talk. What is it like? To talk with them?" It's not the most calming! Sometimes I kinda forget that, with the more friendly ones, but then they remind me that they're.. eldritch and shit. Do you know Salmacis? "EAT. Do you talk to EAT?" Y. Yeah. Am I not supposed to? "I hardly think you're 'supposed to' talk to any of them, but EAT? Something about that one gives me the creeps most of all." It's.. taken to me. Even when it's scary, it's protective of me. "You know what it's capable of?" That's a hell of a question. It has countless bodies, human and bird alike. It can bend and change the bodies to its will. ..her will? "'It' and 'Her,' never 'She.' It maintains all her bodies simultaneously, independently. It could be having completely opposite conversations with other humans at the same time it talks to you. It spreads via water, which is a damn good vector for contagion. And it's been here for a long time." Here, like, Earth? Haven't they all? "Some are short-term, trading places with new Fears once a decade, sometimes even once a year. A rare few are long-term. EAT is long-term. Everything we know about her points to an age of billions of years. And EAT doesn't trade. It's been the same EAT all this time." ..it did tell me it was our god. Which, like, they all are. But EAT seemed.. dead serious. I'd have thought you guys would have loved her, though? Salmacis is all about the science, the knowledge, the cooperation. "EAT? Cooperation? I don't think 'cooperation' is in her vocabulary. I haven't kept up with our studies into her; I've spent the last few months focused on underscore. But before the apocalypse, EAT viewed the Genera as competition. Our policy was to avoid her at all costs. The last I'd checked, it was still trying to break into and take over our Icelandic branch. We'd lost many good minds to her." But meanwhile you guys were making deals with the Archangel, of all things. What'd you call him last night? Hades? "That's our.. internal designation for him. He's not really evil, you know. I mean, I haven't spoken to him, but from what I'm told, he's just very selfish. He navigates social situations through power games, so as long as you can make a deal with him, he will respect that." Do you know what he did to San Francisco? "What I saw on the TV suggests it was the Judge that did that." Yeah, but before that happened, like the day before, he'd managed to manipulate thousands of people to a bloody death. Massacre in the streets. I was there for it. "Huh. Well, do you know what EAT did in the last underscore I'd seen?" Evidently not? "A colleague of mine, Blackcap, had found it during some fieldwork. He didn't even know about underscore at the time; he reported in that he'd found EAT's Camper moving in on a town. I was sent to assist him, and when I got there, the death toll was already in the tens of thousands. EAT had figured out that the people had fallen prey and were defenseless, and had seized on the opportunity. Not even to take bodies, but to practice murder. Literally, practice." o_o But isn't underscore, like. Another Fear? A baby Empty City? "The Fears aren't all friends with each other. EAT preyed on that baby city like it had found a freshly laid egg. And with all the people dead, her Camper tore up the foundations of the town to get at the blood and guts and transfer fluid circulating in the sewers. It knew this was a living town, and it drained it of blood and left it to die mid-vivisection." Jesus. "You say EAT's cooperating with you? Maybe even it's protective? That's great if true. Use her for all it's worth. But know the context: It is a Fear, not a human. If it has no use for you, you are fodder."

11:45 AM Back inside. Still processing all that. But it's time for our meeting. Lilith's staying outside, as she's not part of the group, though she thanks us for our hospitality. We're here in a front room, sitting on the floor in a circle. Danny, Bones, me, Donnie, Fentzy. bones "Alright, uh. I should start us off by saying, like. I know my last attempt to navigate Xanadu landed us in a sticky situation. And I'm sorry for that. But, I'd be willing to try that again, like, if that's what we decide on." donnie "That's good to know. We have that option." fentzy "Yeah, we don't blame you for how that went, Derek. Or, I mean, I know I don't." danny "It's whatever." I nodded donnie "But it might actually be to our benefit to stay in Canada for a while? How many Fears have we run into up here? Versus the whole ensemble down in the States." counting zombies, we have run into at least four, including two we'd never seen before. donnie "Four? I know you found the Musicians, but what was the fourth?" woman in the mirror. bones "Should zombies really count? They're not like.. eyes for the Archangel, from what you guys have been saying." donnie "Okay, well, four in a week is maybe a bit higher frequency than I'd thought. Maybe three, maybe we shouldn't count the zombies. But, actually, the Musicians and the woman in the mirror are both following you, Jordan, so maybe they shouldn't count for or against a particular location." fair enough. was just answering a question. danny "The Fears are following Jordan? What?" donnie "They've been.. rather harmless ones, all things considered." danny "Still, I feel like that's something worth talking about?" fentzy "If you want to leave the party and go out on your own, you're free to." danny "Hey, I'm not saying that!" yeah he's not saying that. it's a good concern to have. I obviously can't promise we'll fix it. actually I think the Musicians are on our side now? haven't seen them since the other day, can't update that. the woman in the mirror, though, I'm pretty sure cannot hurt us, she's confined to mirrors. she actually tipped us off about the genera. donnie "I can attest, from months of travel with him, that we're not in any more danger than we'd be just running into Fears blindsided." danny "Alright, yeah. Sure." donnie "So, do we.. do we have any ideas on where we need to go?" well. I do have a thought. bones "Bring it, bro." so, like. this whole time Donnie and I have had plans. first we wanted to leave England, and it took us a month but that's what we managed to do. then we were headed west, but it wasn't actually for anything in California; we were trying to pursue the Ciphers, on Tiresias's instigation and Salmacis's advice. the rabbit holes we entered on the way got us close enough. like, I can't claim to know how intrauniverse navigation really works in there, maybe we'd have found the Ciphers from any rabbit hole if we dug deep enough. but that is what we were doing. and anyway, so, we've finished the Ciphers. we took care of the last of them just before meeting you three. and. what comes next is something about Knights. I remember that much. I can probably find the right journal, hang on...

11:48 AM huh. tiresias just mentioned Seven Dialogues. where did I get "Knights" from? bones "I'm especially baffled, because next is the Seven Knights." what? bones "Yeah. You remember Operation Ground and Pound? The, uh, DragonForce we did? The guitar duel." yeah. yeah, that was weird. I never did ask you about that, I'd always just assumed you were as confused as I was? it was just another rabbit hole, xanadu being weird. bones "It was the first of seven guitar duels with the Knights of Xanadu." the what? you're joking. bones "Nah, I thought it was a joke when I was first told about it at the start of the red sky, I was visited by some freaky prophet and told, if I lived long enough to see it, I'd need to take my plastic guitar and duel the Lamb. That's actually why I brought my Les Paul with me all this time." the Lamb. is that supposed to be.. me? bones shrugged. "I dunno, man. That does seem to be what the information's pointing to." danny "Who was the prophet?" bones "It's.. been a while, I remember the words more than the person, but I think it was some guy in a robe." fentzy "Oh, of course. Naturally." bones "So when the world went silent for half an hour, and then you came walking into the fancy starfield, and I saw an extra guitar controller by my feet, I.. thought to give it a try. And then DragonForce happened." So you're.. a Knight of Xanadu? bones "Yeah. That's what made me want to spend time in the Doors in the first place." So. So. So next up will be another guitar duel. It'll still be in the rabbit holes, I take it? Since that one was. So we should still be looking for Doors. donnie "More Doors. Got it." fentzy "Would it make sense to.. start.. heading... east?" donnie "Why east?" fentzy "Like when you guys headed west. It gave you more time to focus on looking for Doors, you had plenty of wiggle room, and. God, how do you say it. It's just easier?" danny "Like we head east in the real world, which will take a while before we need to change direction. Gives us more time to find Doors. It's optimal for focusing on Xanadu navigation. Right?" fentzy "Yes! Thank you." donnie "Alright, I think that makes sense. That gives us a plan. Unless anyone else has something more specific they need to do?" I think everyone here is from the east coast anyway, you and me excepting. so whatever people might want to do is already over in that direction. donnie "Ah, right. Okay, then shall we.. settle on that? Head east, but our ultimate goal is really these Knights. Or maybe anyone who can tell us more about them." fentzy "Yeah!" bones "Cool with me." danny "Go team!" :D

11:53 AM Danny went and got Lilith. We're getting back into the car. Gonna look for supplies first, and maybe a better car, with more seats. Then we're heading east. But for now, gotta give the journal to Donnie, 'cause it's time to get sat on!

12:09 PM [donnie] What tongueless ghost of sin crept through my curtains?

12:23 PM [jordan] We found a Wholesale Club. There should be some nonperishables inside. Food is good.

12:24 PM The lights are on in here, and we hear voices. In the centerre of the store are several people. They see us and look with some suspicion. "What do you want?" fentzy "Food." "You can't have any flapjacks. They're ours." fentzy "That's okay. Have you got any canned stuff?"

12:25 PM We've been making conversation. This is just.. a bunch of people who've set up here. They had been living in the area, and after Wholesale closed down they were skeptical that there'd still be anything left inside, but apparently it was abandoned just after a fresh restock. They've been living in a squatter's heaven for about a month now. They brought tents and camping supplies from the nearby MEC, and the area is not lost for additional shops. It's Vancouver! They're suspicious of anyone coming by, as they'd been able to keep the stock going with some rationing, and they've had some run-ins with "traitors and bandits" before. This also means they're not gonna open up to us beyond what we reasonably need, but that's fine, we weren't gonna stay here. And the cat's gotta stay in its carrier.

12:31 PM Refrigerators are kept running with generators; there's still a dairy aisle. Jesus, score. It's been ages since I've just pigged out on a good block of cheese. Lilith is surprised at this. "The amount of energy required to keep this food fresh is.. a lot."

12:32 PM Danny's grabbed an armful of packs of hot dogs. "They're good hot or cold." Is that.. actually true? "I don't care, they're hot dogs, I've been craving these. They got any ketchup?"

12:33 PM Fentzy's got some little boxes of pocky from the candy aisle, and some packets of easy-to-make pasta. I guess it's not out of the question that she can find a way to prepare them. And they just need water. I see Bones sneaking a whole carton of Monster cans inside his jacket, looking around to see if anyone saw.

12:34 PM Donnie's found the Canadian pot noodles! ooh get me some beef "I saw slim jims in the last aisle" can't hear you, already gone to grab them

12:35 PM We've all put some food in the car for now, Fentzy wants to watch over our stuff, but some of us are going back in. Lilith's with the residents here, talking. She's asking about how they keep the fridges on. "It's the damndest thing. They just never turned off. They've always been on." "But the wattage... where does this building get its power?" "Well, there's the trucks..." the others shut him up. "Trucks? Where, out back? I want to see."

12:36 PM Big blue trucks. No logos, no text besides the health and safety. Thick wires go into the back doors, open by a crack. I'm looking at Lilith. I don't know if we should open these. But she's madly curious. Inside is a long, long passageway with cool white walls and dried muck on the ground. Like I might find in the basement of an old hospital, where they take the bodies to dispose of them. It stretches into darkness.

into darkness The cables carry on down the body chute. As soon as we climbed into the trucks and took our first step onto solid rock, we heard a distant screech echo from the other end of the corridor. It sounded human, but near the edges of what sounds a human will make. Lilith needs to see for herself. She's walking on. I'm looking back at the Earth behind us, reluctant to go digging in this rabbit hole.

predator Lilith has stopped. I'm coming up from behind. She's stopped because there's two glowing eyes deeper ahead. They've seen us. Something scratches a wall. The eyes dart closer. Closer. Something heavily pants. Says two words in a torn and jagged voice. A name. "Lilywhite... Lilith…" Into our vision crawls the ghost with a mangled face of teeth. And everything spins around me, or is it me that spins? Start to revolve.

revolve When the spinning stops, I I'm in the Genera. The labs, the corridor of doors, and not the first floor. I feel a gaping emptiness inside. Like something has been drained from me. The lights are off. I have a flashlight. I am alone. People are screaming, coming from below. More people rush out of the doors around me. They're security guards, with their own flashlights, and with military-grade weaponry. They see me. They do not point their weapons. They expected to see me. One gestures for me to keep close, and stay behind. They'll protect me.

stairwell We exit double doors into the stairwell. A sign on the wall says "5." The fifth floor. There weren't that many floors. The building rumbles. The stairs stop at the fourth floor. We have to cross the floor to get to the next set of stairs.

4 Following the guards, pointing my flashlight at the walls, the doors are all labelled with names. Harold Demure, Lucius Sunsetto, Wormwood, Bishop, Mad Man Moon. More. The building rumbles again. The corridor turns more times than it should. I hear a guard utter "location warping." Another replies "we must be dealing with a new one." "you know the drill. diamond formation. look for stairs. they might not be where we expect. keep your eyes peeled for monsters." They surround me, walking in formation, scanning the walls, the doors, the floor, the ceiling. And we walk, stopping when we hear noises. Something falling over. Tapping that might be footsteps or pipes. We walk until we reach the stairs.

3 This floor is recognizable. This is the third floor of the labs. The stairs we came out of were not there before. We walk a little faster now, getting closer to the ground floor. Getting closer to Lilith. then a guard steels his breath and shoves me, as hard as he can, out of the way and into a door. and the ghost rolls and crawls and skitters its way through the corridor, raking the guards with claws so long they pass right through the floors. the claws do not pass through the guards. the teeth do not pass through the guards. with one motion, the ghost opens its jaw, revealing insides of absolutely nothing at all, not black void, not the corridor behind the ghost, but a cascading mirror effect that bleeds into my eyes. like the area behind a map in a video game. which snaps a realization into place in my panicking head. the limbs making crawling motions yet rotating on axles... the flickering static of the eyes, like textures fighting for priority... the inconsistent proportions stretched out to pass through the floors and walls, like clipping... the ghost is a glitch. a glitch in reality. and then its jaw motion concludes, with a fetid chomp. tearing holes in the guards through which its center of mass slides. the ghost passes and goes right through the wall at the end of the hall. the guards are mangled messes, bleeding out, organs mingling in a pile, those with their heads intact are screaming and coughing and begging. their guns are on the floor. ...I shoot them all to put them out of their misery. and now I'm alone again. u_u

stairs to 2 On the stairwell down to the second floor, I heard heavy breathing, felt it on the back of my neck.

2 The hallway here is redder. It's not blood, it's not the light, it's just... everything is redder. Like the textures have been replaced with identical ones with an added hue. I can hear someone crying. It could be Lilith. I've got to find her. Do any of these doors open?

room of red Endless expanse, vault of stars. Far in the distance are a crowd of figures. They're emitting red. They're coming closer. They know my name.

2 Closed that door. I hear the pitter-patter of rolling footsteps as something crawls around the corner up ahead. Trying the next door.

just a lab Thank god. Gonna.. make myself small and hide out in here for a second. Hope the ghost just crawls past. I can hear it making noises. "hhhhhh" and "eb. eb. eb." step step. step step. its limbs jut through the walls into here. it's passing.

2 I poked my head out in time to see it pass through another wall. I'm nearly at the stairwell. should I make a run for it? is it attracted to noises? is it just patrolling at random? why has it even latched onto this building? fuck it. making a run for it.

stairs to 1 I fell down the stairs. I just. I took the first step, and then I felt like my stomach got ejected out of my throat. I feel so empty. so fucking drained. what is it doing to me? but it hasn't come to the stairs. it's leaving me be. I've gotta get up. I've gotta keep going. If Lilith's still here, she'll know what to do.

1 walls of blood. oozing red. soaked in it. all the directions, all the corridors, terminate in blinding glowing TV static. all the directions except the one where I'm going. Lilith's lab. breathing down the back of my neck. claws grabbing my shoulders. like it's riding on my back. but when I look, there's nothing there. body draining of energy. I feel pale. I feel like I'm going to fucking die. Lilith!

lilywhite lilith She's hiding under a table, pointing a pistol at me with shaking hand. Recognizing me. Lowering her hand. Tears in her eyes, sobbing. "I shouldn't have been so curious. I shouldn't have taken this fucking job. I should have.. known. I should have seen it coming." What? C'mon, we need to get out of here. "That thing. That thing is no Fossil. That thing is human." ...what? "That thing is Doctor Cloud." .....what. "He wanted to find me. He wanted to.. he wanted to…" Kill you? "God, no! He's my husband!" ..okay look, ordinarily I'd love nothing more than to sit here and patiently let you talk it all out, I'd love all kinds of answers, but we really can't stick around here. if that ghost is what happened to Doctor Cloud, if he's your husband, then, maybe you're fine, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to die. I need to leave. and I need your help with that. "I'm not fine!! The abyss did that to my Cloud! He's a monster now! If he's not here to kill me, I don't.. I don't want to know… is he going to turn me into a monster too?" Lilith, please, how do we get out of here? I need you. >_< I need your smarts, I need your inquisitive bravery, I need your nerves of steel! "What do you need me for?! You've got the bravery, you're inquisitive, you're the kid who stands up to the gods!! Don't you hear the voices?" The. Voices. "They're coming from the other room. I can hear them through the walls, through the screams, through the... oh god." … Behind me is the ghost. The mangled remains of Doctor Cloud. He's here.

the ghost "lilywhite... lilith…" drool drops to the floor. his teeth are stretched so far, he can't close his mouth. lilith "Stanford… what happened to you? What foul god did this to you?" "lilith... lilith... I did this…" stepping closer to her. moving at an even pace that does not match his limbs. lilith "Yes, I suppose that.. would be true. You did this to yourself... when you found the Abyss." "the abyss... is alive... our dead universe floats in a sea of life... and even the dead is life... I saw the.. the face of the abyss... I saw what waits inside... and it saw me... it saw our universe... it's coming... it's coming…" Rapture...? he looked at me, eyes boring into my skull. confused. I'm not supposed to be here. "rapture was already coming... this is something else…" lilith "What, Stanford? What's coming? What did you see?" "I.. saw... red." and with that, he grabbed her in his arms. and all went white.

9:05 PM And I woke up. Took a moment to come to my senses. I didn't feel like I was dreaming, had to adjust to the new reality of being in bed. Plus, the Musicians are standing in the corner of the room, so it's not like this feels any more real. ..Musicians? "Rael. You are in grave danger. You need to leave right away." What is it? Was it Doctor Cloud? Did he get me? Was he draining me? Did you guys save me? Where's Lilith? "One at a time." "Rael, this is not going to be easy to communicate to you." "Perhaps we should ask him to describe his surroundings? Let him come to the realization on his own? And then we can provide clarity when he inevitably asks questions." Describe my.. well, it's a room. It's, like, the room, nothing wrong with it. The bedroom. Y'know, where I've been staying. Paper Mario's still on the TV, I must have fallen asleep playing it. And I'm alone in bed, and the bathroom door's open, so Donnie's not in there, she.. went out. She. I. No. What? No! No, no, no, this isn't. I was dreaming, but, this has got to be the dream. How can I. How can I tell? If I'm dreaming or not? "Please, stay where you are, do not try to get up so quickly." "You have lost a lot of fluids." But. Please, tell me. How can I tell? "In dreams and in reality, you will be engaged with the reality of your world. Experientially, the difference is very subtle, too subtle for you at this point in your life." "We suppose that you cannot tell the difference." "We suppose we ask you to trust us." Trust you. But. But if you're right, then. I'm still in Dominiere. "And you never left." o___o

9:13 PM threw up. bathroom. I'm paler than ever. and there's a woman in the mirror. "Good, they managed to wake you. I'm relieved." I feel faint. "I'm not surprised. The town has been feasting on you." oh jesus. >_< the tubes and everything? "Oh yes. They were working overtime. Ever since you stole a meal from its mouth, it needed to replace her." Her? Stole. You mean.. Fentzy? That part was real? "Mhm. It was brave of you. Sometimes you can be quite endearing." But. That's when we left. What actually happened? Did you see? "She left in a hurry. I bet she thought you were ahead of her." Didn't the police chase her? "Police? Chase? Is that what your dreams are like?" ...I guess so. o_o;; "You were knocked unconscious after you left her room. The tubes dragged you back into your room and into bed." Christ. Then I have no idea what happened to her, if she got away. "And that's what you have us for, dear. With me, you have access to any mirror in the world. And with them, you have the rest." You guys.. kept track? For me? "I.. guess we did?" But why? "We said we would help." "Well, we said that we would have to see." "Yes, and we saw." behind me now, hovering in the bathroom. the Musicians came in to join the conversation. And you guys all worked together? "I did tell you, we know each other. I find you fun to watch, so I didn't take much convincing. I don't want to see you die here." Okay. Right. But I have questions. Specific questions.

… So. First. Was all of my dream a lie? We found Danny and Bones in a, like, warehouse, the Genera. We met someone named Lilith. There was a ghost. And she told us that Dominiere is something called underscore. Was that all fake? "Well. No." "Your dreams are a product of your mind, and as we have demonstrated to you, we can provide stimuli for your mind." "Lilith is real, though none of you have met her. The Genera is real, and we have a working relationship with them. We have met Lilith through our connections. We know what she knows. As your dream took you, logically, to the nearest Genera waystation, we elected to insert her into the narrative there, as a means of filling you in on some things you needed to know." "Dominiere is a.. what they call 'underscore.' It is an offshoot of the Empty City, one that latches onto other universes, such as your own, and pulls environmental nutrients until it is mature enough to travel the void on its own." "There are many such underscores on Earth." "You are in one of them." And the. The people here are Indisen zombies? "We found this revelation surprising too. There is a lot that the Archangel does not tell us. The same is said about the Genera. But Lilith was willing to impart this information to us." "She did not tell us how the zombies produced Indisen, otherwise we would have included that." Then. The ghost. Doctor Cloud. "That part is unconfirmed." o_o What? "Last we checked, Lilith is still alive, working in the waystation, studying underscore, oblivious to anything wrong." So you. Added the ghost thing just for, what, entertainment? To test me? "While we would love to take credit for this, no, we had nothing to do with it." "We suspect it was a manifestation of your body breaking down, trying to wake you up." Right. Got it. I guess that's better than knowing it was real. But then, okay, so what about my friends for real? What happened to Fentzy and Donnie? Where is Bones, where is Danny? "The reality is not altogether removed from the narrative of the dream." "If we are to call you 'Rael,' it would make sense to use Salmacis's names for the others. Donnivan is Victoria. Did it ever name the other three?" "The other trilby is probably going to be John." "..yes, that would be predictable enough for the naming convention." "But Daniel and Rauri are unknown to her." Can't you.. just... call them by their regular names? "Fine. On this occasion. But getting the names right is a part of the deal. If we are to help you, we must call you strange things." sigh. "The reality is that Victoria and... and Rauri, caught up with the trucks. Victoria was captured, stored in the back of the truck, but Rauri eluded capture and followed close behind until they reached the Genera waystation. Victoria was taken inside and encaged, discovering Daniel and D.. John, also imprisoned. Rauri used espionage to infiltrate the facility and free the others." Did they fight their way out? O: "No. The four escaped from the Genera without incident, though they were nearly seen by a few guards." "It was exciting to watch." "They did not meet Lilith, who was working just a few rooms away. They did not find the truth about Dominiere, though John and Victoria both had seen the bodies inside the trucks and at least pieced together that the town was dangerous." "They stopped somewhere to rest for the night, and searched for a working vehicle today. They are on the way to come back for you." Oh! :D "They did not unanimously agree to this, as your behavior over the last week has raised concerns. However, Rauri was adamant, and she fills the role of group leader without argument." "You will probably have to make some apologies after they save you." "But not to Rauri." "No. You saved her life. And she knows this." .w. "Any further questions?" Yeah. When will they get here?

(Attached: "The moment that Donnie, Danny, and I saw the door open and Fentzy walk in has stuck with me for all my years. I think we really did consider, beforehand, that we were going to die in that cage. But in she came anyway, that raging protective Connecticut steel, and she saved our asses. It's not entirely true that we left without fighting anyone. I mean, it's.. literally accurate. But on the way out, overcome with hatred and spite for our captors, I found a corkboard and a blank piece of paper. I did consider writing something insulting, something bragging about the Genera's security vulnerabilities. Instead, I elected to write a new bit of Genera policy. 'This building has been renamed to the Candle Jack Labs. Failure to address the building by its proper name will result in a pay decrease.' Did it work? Did it get anyone to say 'Candle Jack?' I don't actually know. But on the way out, I'm sure I heard screams.")

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[archmage-ansrit]

I had been pondering and debating whether or not to draw attention to this, since it all began during a time when there were being scams of people that don't even have pets asking for money using stolen pet pictures... but now it's not as important and I've had time to process it.

Warning for mentions of death.

November 2023 we lost one of our cats, and then on December it was the second anniversary of the death of our dog.

Both of them were amazing pets for a person that is so quick to feel drained as I am.

So, I feel like I should talk about them. Starting from the very beginning.

This is Lucky. Not particularly imaginative but he is! My brother found him as a kitten, abandoned in a local park; he was really concerned for the kitten, and took him with him. He took the kitten to the vet because there was something strange on one of the eyes - he has a tiny nick ON HIS EYE, but the vet managed to save the eye!

Mom wasn't super-thrilled, but the kitten endeared himself to her enough to keep.

Then, Thomas.

He 100% used to be a housecat. A coworker of my mom's found him in her backyard, limping a little - knowing we had taken in a cat already, she wondered if we wanted to take in another.

Yes. It helped a lot that this cat is gentle and well-behaved. A quick vet visit revealed the leg was just a bit swollen, probably from a bruise. By the second day he responded to the name we gave him, and when presented a collar, he stood still for us to put it on.

Vet calculated, approximately, he was like 4 or 5 years old already.

Then Blacky, the one that just passed last November. And her kittens.

That is Blacky, The Darling (the one with short hair) and Merida. Not included are Babe (I don't have pictures of her that won't make me Doxx myself), and a male kitten we only had for like 2 weeks before someone else adopted him.

My mom picked Blacky up with her kittens included. At first we thought Blacky was young herself, since she was so small.

We only had a little plate for food, so we worried it would be chaotic. The kittens were actually old enough for kibble, and maybe all of them would jump on the plate at the same time.

Kind of! Blacky actually waited for her kittens to eat - we refilled the plate for the kittens that had yet to eat, and only after we refilled the plate a second time did she begin to eat.

Blacky turned out to be older than we thought, probably 6 years, and had really bad teeth from a life in the street. She was easily angered, and distrustful of Thomas (probably because he is a larger cat), she allowed herself to be picked up only briefly, starting to hiss if we held her for too long. We eventually won her over, and she allowed herself to be handled for longer periods of time.

She became larger, as did her kittens. They were malnourished, but now they had food aplenty.

Then came Spot, the troublemaker.

He only has a single brushstroke of white on his head. Cried a lot, very nervous, but loving and cuddly.

Then, Trooper, our dog.

He was a housepet, no doubt. He could shake! He warned us when he needed to go outside.

Literally followed mom home one day.

Really chill dog. He probably was 6 years when we got him. His teeth were horrid. He didn't run or jump too much.

I loved him as much as I could.

Then, Otto.

He is more energetic than the others, and gets into the occasional fight with others.

Trooper would bark at them whenever that happened, helped get some order back.

Trooper was sick, though, we didn't know how much just yet. He loved getting bits of ham, and French fries, and he nuzzled so gently.

He had kidney problems, and even trying to get medications for him we weren't quite on time. He would have difficulty walking, and, in fact, that picture of him is from the last week he was willing to walk long distances.

The walks had been... I think as good for me as they were for him. I got to know more of my neighborhood. I got fresh air more often.

My phone, at the time, was pretty new, and this is the only picture I have of him on it. My mom has more. I used to be reluctant to take pictures, but something compelled me to take the picture.

He eventually would not even stand, and it was during the middle of Christmas break for the vet, so we had to hold on...

We got him to the vet, had him stay the night, but he got real bad over the night. He looked to be in such pain, we had to let him sleep.

And so we went forward.

2023 comes, and Blacky starts having trouble eating. She had lost several teeth because they had gone so bad they needed to be taken out, and now it seemed the last ones were giving her trouble. Feeding her was difficult, but we endured.

She spent more and more time in my room, as she would go there to avoid Spot and Otto's shenanigans. I leave my door closed because of them, so she understood it was a safe place.

She even got to let Thomas near her.

But even cleaning her teeth would not help her mouth issues, she was losing so much weight, so the difficult choice was made to have the rest taken out. It was a risk because she did NOT do well under the anesthesia the few times she had to have something done.

She came back, no longer any teeth left, but she ate her fill - she even got into dry kibble! She must have been so hungry...

But she, indeed, reacted poorly to the anesthesia. She stopped eating and drinking water regularly.

Oh, she held on to life with all she had. We tried getting her to the vet. She got an IV, medication for her kidneys (she was having a special diet for it, too, before she stopped eating).

She looked so much better! She was perhaps a bit grouchy over being held so long, but she needed warmth...

She held on with everything she had, tried to walk...

But in the end, she passed during the night.

Since I was taking care of her so much and so often, and she hung around my room all the time, my mom gave her my last name for the little memorial we got of her.

Financially, my mom took care of things, as she had been the one to take in the cats in the first place - I could not have done so myself. I can barely take care of myself, but with them, it helped me move in order to take care of them.

I feel like I should have done better, even though, realistically, there wasn't much I personally could have done without being a veterinarian.

Here is to pets. They love us as we love them, and some times, the have to leave sooner than expected.

[doloresdisparue]

who was the man Dolores married? And do you think she was happy and content with him? how old was he? do you think she desired the pregnancy

I don't have any more information than the novel gives us but in case you're asking for a summary of that his name was Richard "Dick" F. Schiller. We don't know exactly how old he is but he is a veteran who lost his hearing and has a friend who lost an arm in Italy. We don't know that they served together but it would make sense. From a cursory look at draft laws he must have been at least 18. If the "remote war" Humbert mentioned was the Korean war he could be as young as 18 or 19, we don't know how long he served and Dolly only met him in 1950 or 51. If he was in Italy with his friend and didn't just bond over being disabled vets later on he would have to be in his mid to late 20s. Humbert consistently refers to him as young and seems to think of him as barely more than a teenager so he can't be any older than that.

Oh Dick was a lamb, and they were quite happy together, but she meant something different.

If we are to believe what Humbert quotes here (and I do think if Dolly had been unhappy he would have made a point of that to make himself look better) she is very much content with him and genuinely likes him. I think they're probably at least very good friends even if she isn't really in love with him (which isn't a bad fate for a 1950s marriage) and he seems to care about her deeply in return. I think it's a nice detail that they have lived in such squalor this whole time but he thinks she ran away from an upper class home, implying he never pressured her to ask her parents for money this whole time. They also have a dog (and we know Dolly is the one who loves dogs) despite the extra cost associated with that. She did marry him and we have no indication that that wasn't her free choice (economic and legal circumstances of being a 17 year old orphan in the 1950s aside, she still could have chosen a different guy if she wanted a marriage just for the safety). She never even considers leaving him when Humbert tries to persuade her.

She's kept her past to herself but between a desire to move on and build a life for herself, the difficulty of making sense of severe abuse in a time before CSA was even really a concept in peoples minds and 1950s attitudes that might have instilled in her the belief that she would be blamed for all of it I don't think that's necessarily a lack of trust or love. She wants him to see her for who she is without her past clouding that after she hasn't been valued as a person for several years and what feels like half her life probably.

We can only guess about the pregnancy. It's clearly not a good idea or desirable economically since they barely have money to the point that she feels compelled to contact Humbert again which points towards an unplanned pregnancy (that Dick didn't plan for either). Condoms were available in theory (though maybe not in their little town?) but those also cost money and they didn't have the pill yet. But abortion wasn't exactly an option back then either. So I think neither of them was planning or wishing for a baby but once they realized she was pregnant they tried their best to adjust and probably did grow to be excited for it. Teen pregnancy was much less unusual or inherently considered risky and it didn't necessarily carry as much stigma as it does nowadays either, especially since they were married. Dolly seems to care about her future baby to the point of not wanting to talk about the details of her abuse while pregnant despite the nonchalance she feigns about all of it in her conversation with Humbert. She probably would have preferred to have a baby later, with enough money and security but there might have been a sense of "if I have to have a baby now I'm at least going to make sure that baby has a better childhood than I did, whatever it takes".