#and what it means to be a creator on the internet

[permanentlyexhaustedpigeon88]

this. this. yes, it's the state of fandom and fanfiction in general, now. there's no real way of telling whether or not it will change. but my gosh is it ever disheartening, and honestly terribly sad to see that this is the way it will continue to go, if things remain the same as they are, right now.

now, before anyone comes at me with them, I've heard the myriad of reasons why a person might choose not to comment or leave kudos. they're shy. they forget. they don't want to leave a "footprint" on this wild little place known as the internet. they fear retaliation and hostility from authors who misinterpret comments left in good faith, and any number of other reasons, as well. and I want to make it abundantly clear that this is by no means an attempt on my part to dismiss or invalidate those reasons. at the end of the day, if someone doesn't want to interact with a given work, they won't, and as much as that may sadden me, I fully respect it as their choice. a comment that comes organically, because someone feels moved to leave it is far better than one that is forced or pressured in any way, and that is a hill I will die on.

that said, though, we will continue to lose people who are willing to share their works with us, if this trend continues. it's just a fact. while I make no attempt to speak for all of us, there are so, so many people I know that write for themselves, sure, but they share their work in the hopes that at least one (1) other person out there will be moved by what they've created. they share in the hopes that said other person will maybe want to interact with them because of it. whether the interaction leads to an unexpected friendship and mutual discussion of fic plots and characters and new releases of our favorite series, or not, the hope for it is there. the heartbreak is there, too, when we, as creators, post something we're particularly proud of, and receive nothing but silence in response. it's there when we try to make sure we present a face that is receptive to feedback and interaction. when we encourage comments, and ask questions of our readers, and yet still...silence. sure, if we're passionate about what we're creating, and/or the themes/ideas we're trying to convey, we can push on. we should push on, because I, for one, am so beyond tired of a world that tries to stifle people, and drown their voices out because they don't "fit the mold" of normal that is determined by some nameless, faceless majority. but to continue doing so, and to continue to receive silence in response? to be called 'entitled' by some readers, because we dare to ask for something...anything...other than crickets, and the sensation that we're shouting into the void?

it's really no wonder that some may choose to move on to other things.

while I've never experienced what OP's friend has with Discord, I can only imagine that such a situation only makes what I've already mentioned above so much more discouraging. it must make those it has happened to wonder what on earth is the point? if everyone is too busy sharing their reactions in their isolated little groups without ever deigning to let the creator know their feelings, or just mass-consuming it and moving on to the next thing ten seconds later, as if the first thing that caught their attention never even existed, why are we even bothering to do this at all? again, I do not speak for everyone, but I daresay the majority of us are not trying to be the next big name author. we're not trying to 'make it big' at all. this is a hobby, that we do for free, in our (mostly) limited free time, and anymore, we largely receive absolutely nothing in return. we pour pieces of ourselves out there into the world, completely free of charge. we make ourselves vulnerable in ways that are often ugly. real. to many, silence in the face of that vulnerability is exactly the same as the dismissiveness and invalidation we've already received when we're that 'real' anywhere else in our lives. it drives home the thought that our voices do not matter, and thus we should not bother speaking. and no, society and our readers at large are not responsible for our vulnerability and our emotions and our traumas that we sometimes place upon our characters as a means of processing them. but even if we aren't opening ourselves up to our readers, if it's genuinely all in "good fun", we can't legally monetize it, interaction is our form of 'earnings' from this, and by and large that sort of thing is rare, and has been for quite a while. and sure. people can read and abandon fics at will, with or without leaving some trace of their presence along the way. that is well within their right. but I have also seen these same individuals go on to harrass the creators of works that have been abandoned or deleted for doing so, despite never once trying to show any form of appreciation at all. and then they have the nerve to call us entitled for wanting that appreciation in the first place.

the fact that the "social media-ification" of fanfiction (it is not Instagram, no matter how so many may treat it as such) and the quite honestly despicable behavior from a loud minority of touchy authors who have now effectively ruined commenting for so many of the rest of us has made fanfiction what it is today is just...heartbreaking. it really, really is. and while I personally plan to stick around and do my best to fight the demons in my mind that tell me no interaction means that no one cares about my stories so I should just stop writing them, not everyone will. we're all incredibly foolish if we believe otherwise, and honestly, as awful as I feel saying it "out loud"?

if fandom culture doesn't see a change soon, and more and more talented authors continue dropping like flies?

we'll deserve it.

tl;dr? creators are not robots, people. we aren't content-mills, put on this earth specifically to serve the bidding of consumers, on their timeline, and not our own. but what do I know, right?

I'm just a so-called "entitled" author who thinks interaction with our work, no matter how small, shouldn't be a thing that we have to try to pull from behind stubbornly gritted teeth.

A writer friend told me something that broke my heart a little bit today; they're going to quit publishing their fanfic.

My instant thought was that they had been trolled or attacked or that something terrible had happened in their life because this person is so passionate about their writing. It wasn't any of that. Engagement with their works has been going down, as it has for many of us. Comments are like gold dust a lot of the time, and just looking through the historical comment counts on old fics on ao3 demonstrates this trend very clearly. It was not simply the comments dropping off which caused them to decide to stop posting, however.

My friend came across a discord server for their fandom (I should point out here that their fandom interest and mine diverged a couple of years ago, we stay in touch but don't currently read each other's posts because I'm not into their fandom and they would rather gouge their eyes out with a wooden spoon than read anything Star Wars) and specifically to share fic in that fandom. They joined, because we all love a good fic rec, only to discover that their latest multichapter fic, which has almost no comments and very few kudos, is being hotly discussed in this server as one of the best stories ever. Not one of these people has bothered to say this to them on the fic. When they asked, none of participants could see the point in telling the author of the fic they apparently loved so much that they love it.

This discovery has absolutely destroyed my friend's love of sharing fic. They share because they love seeing other people's enjoyment, and fic writers do that through comments and kudos/reblogs/likes because we don't get paid. There is no literary critic writing a blog post/article about how amazing the story is for us to copy and keep/frame. There is no money from royalties. All we have are the words of the people reading our works.

Those people on that server could have taken five minutes of the time they spent gushing about how amazing my friend's story was to other people and used it to tell the one person guaranteed to want to hear that praise how much they loved it. They could have taken a moment to express their opinion to the person who spent hours upon hours plotting, writing, editing, and posting those chapters. Instead, they deprived my friend of thing that keeps them sharing their writing, and in the process have killed their love of it. My friend now feels used and unmotivated.

I won't be sharing a link to their fic, they said I could share their experience but not their identity. I know they plan to post one final chapter. I know they intend to express their hurt at being excluded from the praise for the thing they created, and I know they intend to announce that as a consequence they will not be posting for a long while, if at all.

So please, I beg you, don't hide your love of a story from the writer. It's just about the only thing we have.

[misaerabl]

MUTED 𝝑𝑒 - masterlist

✧˖°📷 ༘ ⋆｡˚ gamer&commentary creator!e x influencer!u (enemies to lovers) SUMMARY : wc... ? ˙⋆✮˙ A lifestyle creator with a flawless feed. A reaction channel with a talent for starting drama. Your world is all soft lighting and subtle shade—Ellie Williams is loud edits, louder opinions, and a fanbase that lives for her chaos. You and Ellie were never supposed to cross paths. But one reaction stream, one too-perfect subtweet, and the internet writes its own narrative: a rivalry they can’t get enough of. You’re curated. She’s unfiltered. You go viral for routines. She goes viral for ruining them. It should’ve ended online—but now you’re stuck sharing a cabin, sharing space, sharing tension that won’t stay hidden behind screens. Ellie is frustrating. Fame is relentless. And somewhere between stolen glances and snarky remarks, the line between content and connection starts to blur. Because when everything is made to be watched, the most dangerous thing you can do is feel.

˙⋆✮ READ THE REST ON AO3!

PROLOGUE -- "not sorry"

ellie.exe is live...

The screen is dimly lit in cool purples and flickering LED strips. A soft lo-fi playlist hums beneath the click-clack of keys and the occasional irritated—

“Dude, seriously?”

Ellie, tucked into a hoodie and headset, squints at her monitor, brows furrowed in the way that makes her fans screenshot the stream and tweet things like “she’s so baby when she’s mad”.

She's midway through a stream of some hyper-buggy online multiplayer game her chat begged her to play. She’s not good at it. She’s not pretending to be good at it.

Which is, naturally, why thousands are watching.

“Okay, there is no way that hit me. Roll back the tape. That’s cheating. That’s hacking, actually. I’m reporting him.”

The chat explodes:

lmaoo classic ellie L NOOB.exe pls check out @/reader’s new vid tho omg 😭 she’d beat this game faster than u lmao grwm girl supremacy!!!

Ellie groans, tossing her controller onto her lap and reaching for the watered-down iced coffee she’s been sipping since the stream started. The condensation leaves a faint ring on her desk.

“Okay, okay—pause. I need hydration and emotional support.”

Sip. Grimace. Another sip.

“Wait, who are you all yelling about?”

The chat floods with one name: your username, a wave of heart emojis, thirst comments, and “SHIP??” spam.

“Reader?” Ellie squints at the screen. “The GRWM chick? Seriously?”

A few more keystrokes, a few clicks.

“Okay, I mean… sure. Gotta give the fans what they want.”

The game feed shrinks into the corner. A new window opens on her overlay—your latest video.

GRWM: Night Out Routine (Even If You Cancel Last Minute) 💄🍷

The video fades in. You’re cross-legged on your bed, silky robe slung off one shoulder, hair twisted up with a claw clip, all soft lighting and softer skin. You’re smiling at the camera, walking through a lineup of glassy skincare bottles like it’s second nature.

Ellie leans forward slightly. Just a bit.

“She’s giving Vogue cover, but also… does she even sweat?”

Chat starts twitching:

UR EYES R TOO WIDE STAND UP she plugs her sephora code every 3 minutes she’s got you in a chokehold already babe 😭

“Like, does her skincare budget exceed my rent?”

She pauses—lets the silence sit there a second.

“I’m not judging��I’m just confused. Does she live at Sephora?”

The chat absolutely loses it.

no bc the tension already you’re just in love just say it someone ship name this rn you guys are delusional. ellie hates people like her

Ellie lifts her hands in mock surrender.

“Chat, I’m not a hater—I’m just a broke, bitter lesbian. Calm down.”

She smirks. Just a little. The kind that makes her left cheek dimple slightly, which only makes her chat explode even more.

nah she’s BLUSHING for real

She minimizes the window. Boots her game back up.

“Anyway. I’m going back to getting absolutely smoked in this trash server. Thanks for the detour, creeps.”

But it’s already too late.

The screen recordings are circulating. TikToks are multiplying like bacteria in petri dishes. The fan edits are being born—dramatic music, soft fades, your skincare and her flustered commentary spliced together.

Meanwhile, on your end. Your phone buzzes with a flurry of DMs. Some from fans. Some from mutuals. All of them saying the same thing:

“girl... ellie.exe just reviewed your grwm and i’m SOBBING” “you gonna let her talk to you like that or...?” “you got her blushing on camera 😭”

You scroll. You find the clip. You raise a brow.

Fuck this girl. Fuck her.

You stare at your screen for a bit before hitting post on the tweet.

you @/yourhandle ✨ skincare hits different when your lighting source isn’t a 3am Twitch stream 😘

Your mentions explode. The war has begun.

You swipe through your mentions, catching glimpses of your own face edited onto Mortal Kombat fighters, people tagging Ellie and begging her to respond. You tell yourself you’re over it. That you’ve said what you needed to say. That she doesn’t matter.

And then someone DMs you again.

“uhhhh did you see her tweet 💀”

You open Twitter.

ellie @/ellie.exe some ppl act brand new just because the sun hits them once and they didn’t burst into flames. proud of you 😇

You blink. Read it again. Your jaw actually drops.

That smug, passive-aggressive, “not-a-reply-but-yes-it-is” tone practically has her signature all over it. She didn’t tag you. She didn’t have to. It’s as good as a shot fired.

Like she didn’t start this by coming for your routine with her crusty gamer hands and talking about you like you were a mall display instead of a person?

Oh, hell no.

You set your phone down. Pick it back up. Type. Delete. Type again. Your jaw clenches as you pace your room, bare feet dragging across a fluffy rug as the late afternoon sun pours across your floor—the same one she saw in your video. The one she smirked at like it offended her personally.

You finally hit post.

you @/yourhandle ✨ no hate to the gamers but if your selfcare knowledge is based on your reflection in a loading screen… maybe hush 😘

You don’t even wait to see the fallout this time. You toss your phone onto your bed like it burned you and go to pour yourself something strong and unnecessary.

By the time you come back, Twitter’s already turned your quote tweet into a meme. Your face on a skincare ad. Ellie’s on a GameStop receipt. Someone edited a fake YouTube thumbnail:

“GRWM to fight a gamer lesbian (gone wrong) (emotional)”

You try to laugh, but it comes out tight.

Your blood is hot. Not quite angry, not quite amused. It’s something in between. Something irritating and unfamiliar. Something that smells like obsession.

comments: “they’re gonna make out or kill each other, no in between.” “this is the weirdest foreplay i’ve ever witnessed and i’m here for it” “ellie.exe called her sensitive and now she’s dismantling her entire existence 💅”

You actually exhale a disbelieving, “Oh my God,” into your empty room.

She’s insufferable. Infuriating. Smug. And you hate—hate—the way her face lingered in your head after watching her watch you.

You were supposed to win this. You were supposed to make her shut up. So You make her... By Clicking the block button.

KEEP UP! KEEP UP!

prologue... (you are here!) - "blocked. not sorry" part 1. - "fuck the algorithm" part 2. - ??? + more!!! (next parts will be posted daily! see you tomorrow!, please comment to be added to the taglist!)

[pencap]

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[bitchslapblastoids]

Was thinking about how much of a normo I come across as irl, how I’ve felt a lil odd person out at their shows bc of being a bit older (29) and looking so aggressively normal, how generally confused people in my life would be if they knew about my d&p obsession, how thoroughly i mask weirder traits and essentially codeswitch to suit the mainstream, etc.

i feel kind of fish out of water when I imagine how all the people that populate my tumblr phandom ecosystem are likely presenting to the world irl (I.e. more visibly queer, counterculture, and so on). But then I think maybe the most visible phannies are the ones with the most curated, alt, deliberate daytoday lewks/style? So maybe what I’m picturing is off base? But then I’m also basing this off of what audiences look like in audience footage, m&gs, etc.

Sooooooo i would like to know… do you guys feel like you present as someone who may be Deeply Online and obsessed with two gay nerds from the internet? Or do you hide it and fly under the radar, masking as a total normy and living a double life?

(To clarify I don’t mean you’re like out and about wearing the fringes boob sweatshirt lol I more mean vibes and overall lewk yk?)

[zenathezee]

If you told me in 2012 that College Humor, Smosh, and a brand started by some dudes from Buzzfeed are some of the most diverse and inclusive places on the internet I would not have believed you

[grapecaseschoices]

the only good thing about being "shadowbanned" was that i could see someone's oc blog in the wild [or in the comments], go to it, and like/reblog ONE post [or more] and not get blocked on sight.

[lpsgirl109]

I know very little about the murder drones panic au but I do think you guys are slowly turning it into the underlust of the murder drones fandom the way yall don't know how to go "gross! Anyway not my business"

[backgroundasexual]

No yeah cool you're like super progressive that's awesome. So you're going to abolish gender by destroying the places women carved out for themselves after being excluded from men's spheres? Cool, cool. Let me know how that works out for you.

[cactuslester]

(hi i think it was you who talked about this but if it wasn’t you can ignore this sorryyy <3)

a few months ago you mentioned how it would feel disingenuous if the tour was starting to be made pre-gaming channel return since when they were promoting it said that they were touring because of how popular the gaming channel revival was, so i was wondering, how do you feel about what they said in preshow yesterday about how they revived the gaming channel because they were thinking about going on tour? (not trying to attack you or anything, just interested to hear your thoughts!)

hi anon! thanks for the ask, but i fear you have me mixed up with someone else, i do remember seeing this discussion on my dash a ~couple months ago, but i fear i have since forgotten who it was, sorry (but if this was you and you see this, feel free to weigh in <3), but i'll toss in my two cents anyways :P

yeah i do understand the idea that things would feel a bit disingenuous if they'd been seriously planning this since before dapg comeback and yet were promoting as if this as if it was purely in response to how well the comeback was received

however, after what they said yesterday, (i wasnt there yesterday nor have i listened to the preshow recording, this is just what i understand from people's summaries and posts about what they said, so correct me if im wrong), i dont think the way they went about it was disingenuous at all! it sounds like phil was the one to first bring up wanting to tour again, and dan suggested testing the waters first w/dapg before actually deciding and planning

this honestly makes a lot of sense to me because dan had just come back from wad, but phil hadn't toured since 2018, and i think w/dan talking about wad and also just covid + hiatus, phil genuinely missed us and touring 🥺 so im not gonna fault him for being excited and bringing it up and wanting to jump into planning

dan suggesting testing the waters w/dapg also completely makes sense since it had been 5 whole years, their audience grew up a lot, and the internet ecosystem changed a lot, so it would really be smart to have a way to gauge people's interest in joint content before embarking on something as big as a tour

and while dapg comeback served as a way to gauge that interest, i dont feel like the comeback was like based on Ulterior Motives or anything because i don't think they brought back dapg solely for the tour. we now know from the mukbang that phil really missed dapg and working w/dan throughout the hiatus, and he's been wanting to bring back the gaming channel for a while, he's just been waiting for dan to be ready, so i think even if tour wasn't in the picture at all, if dan had said he was ready, they would've brought dapg back

i also don't think dan said yes to dapg purely for tour reasons (especially since he Just finished a tour). it's clear how much dan has grown and how much he's learned about himself and his relationship with his audience through hiatus and wad, so it also just makes sense that after wad he was much more open to bringing back dapg

and i dont think they fully started hardcore planning the tour before dapg cb. like dan said, they were considering the idea, and then they brought back the channel, and then after seeing how good the reception was, decided to truly go ahead with tour, which isnt too different from what they've said recently in promoting the tour. they just didnt previously mention phil was floating the idea of the tour earlier, which to me, is neither here nor there, since in all these promo instances, they were just giving a summary of their thought process leading up to the tour, not like a Full Detailed Story, and i dont think they were purposely trying to Hide anything, otherwise they wouldn't have given us more info yesterday

[dandeliondocx]

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[moltengoldveins]

*shaking slightly* it is normal….. for people on the internet….. to turn out to be not as good of people as we thought they were from the internet…….. this should not ruin my day…. Nor should it affect my mood in an uncontrollable manner….. It is absolutely not my business and nobody should be fishing for more information or harassing creators……. Especially not when that behavior could very easily turn a relatively small issue into a massive life-altering problem for people who are not responsible for the problem in the first place….. so I am going to move on with my day…. And draw some elves or something…… 👍

[starteas]

I don’t really like sharing my opinions online now that I have a bigger audience (even now I tend to just delete most of my posts and keep it to reblogging/posting art) but sometimes I wish I could dip into talking about random stuff again without feeling like people’s scathing eyes will always be on me.

[itzphynix]

Thank you Astral Spiff for combating the narrative that Post Shift 2 is a hard game o7

[whoviandoodler]

you ever go into a tag for a show or whatever and find several painstakingly created gif sets from interviews with the actors where they're just like. fully mocking fans? talking about them like they're the most despicable thing on this earth kind of bitter mocking. and on the one hand you're like, okay, i get it, fans can really be shit and get overly parasocial and think you owe them something beyond the work you created but on the other it's like. bro this makes me not want to engage with anything you do at all. ever. you don't have to sing your fans praises but you can do them the basic courtesy of professionalism and not ridiculing the entirety of everyone who both engages with your creative work and whose interest ultimately results in your paycheck.

[onlyfangz]

what i dont get with the colleen ballinger alleged grooming accusations is if you wanted to brush all of this under the rug why in the fuck would you make an earworm of a song to do it? i have had the chorus stuck in my head since it came out, and every single time it gets stuck in my head, i’m reminded about how much of an evil creep she is.

[kameonerd566]

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