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sweatyracoon · 9 days

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Skz With A Goth Friend/Partner! Reactions!

A/n: As a goth person, I really like this trope, but it’s extremely rare. Hope I don’t disappoint!

Summary: How they treat you as a person during their time with you.

Warnings: Language. I think that’s it. Enjoy! <3

Bangchan:

He treated you no different than he did anyone else. Underneath all of the makeup and accessories, you were human, too. He barely noticed it, honestly. He just saw you. He had that charm, making you fall for him. He bought you snacks and coffee, always being sure to also get you small goth keychains or charms for your bracelets. He didn’t mind it as much as strangers did.

When you first met him, it was by accident. You were auditioning at JYP, only to be turned down because you refused to abandon your style. Leaving, you ran into him, waiting to be judged with his gaze. Instead, you found a worried, warm gaze looking down at you, offering you a hand.

“Hey? You alright?”

Ever since then, you have been attached to his side. He became your support, and he was happy to claim that title. (#gothprotectorchan)

The first time he saw you without the makeup, he didn’t know who you were. And you let him reintroduced himself, and you finally told him, making him blush.

“Why would you do that, y/n!” He was so embarrassed. You reassured him that it didn’t bother you before you hugged him, getting ready to watch a movie.

Lee know:

He found it extremely attractive. He was all for people being real, and the way you presented yourself was screaming, ‘I am me, fuckers’.

He loved that he has never seen your bare face, because he knows that that isn’t your strongest version of you. If you could, he knew that you would tattoo your makeup permanently. He always stood by you, knowing the looks that you get. Fans even dared to ask him if you were his girlfriend, their faces disapproving, which upset him.

“What’s it matter if she Is? She’s gorgeous, isn’t she?” He’d say before gazing at you with heart eyes.

He’d always stick up for you, and loved that you let him.

He also loved how feline your features were, the makeup only highlighting them more. You even had the attitude of one, making him smirk whenever you’d start chewing out one of his members for no reason.

He also loved the dramatic outfits. It made him feel the need to match you, making sure to look his best for you as you do for yourself.

Changbin:

He thought the look looked perfect on you, but preferred seeing your face without the makeup. He thought that the natural glow of your skin was gorgeous, but you assured him that with the makeup was when you were your true self.

He was your best friend because he was so supportive. He always made sure to get you things that reminded him of you, and your collection grew perhaps a bit too large.

Nearly everything reminded him of you.

You even tried battling him with rap and lost. A lot. But you didn’t mind. It was fun.

Whenever you walked past him, you made sure to point out how your healed boots made you taller than him, making him respond by stepping on the toe of your shoes, both of you laughing as Hyunjin watched the interaction with a confused expression.

You both had matching rings, black (of course), that you wore on your pinkies. He had never taken his off, even during performances. You took your off before bed, but putting it on was the first thing you did when you woke up.

Hyunjin:

When he first saw you, it was when he first debuted, not fully grown, and slightly awkward. The first thing he thought was, ‘fashion icon’. He saw how comfortable you were in your own skin, how your gaze pushed past the judgmental eyes glaring at you. He needed to befriend you immediately. Now, him being the king at Versace, he became a model alongside you after some convincing, and did duo shoots together.

He was known for being clingy when it came to you, and you both did everything together. He learned a lot fashion wise from you, and loved that you were still the same goth girl he met (hotter, now). Now, any picture he takes has you in it, whether it’s in the background, in the front, or not in the picture at least and he just tagged you.

You were his everything, and he even wants to be you. You were iconic. Your attitude towards the world was so different from his, and he loved that.

He would paint anything you asked for, no matter how disturbing, his mind not questioning it once. He loved and adored you, and would do anything to make you happy.

He even bought you a black rose bouquet, thinking of you when he saw them. Naturally, you loved them.

Han:

He would put a lot of focus on it, and even make jokes about it.

“Going to go brood at the edge of a swamp or something?”

“Jo Jo Siwa? Is that you?”

“Presenting…Emona Lisa!”

It didn’t bother you, though. You found it cute. He put a lot of focus on who you were, making sure people never forgot. He even went as far as to write a song about you, and the color of your soul. It touched your heart.

He would play with the fringe at some of your outfits when you sat next to each other, and loved to talk to you about your jewelry. You would even share at some points. He wore your cherry earrings for a performance, wanting you to see that he could be goth too (hA!). He wanted to show you that you and him were meant to be besties.

During sleepovers, he would see your bare face and call you beautiful, but commented that he liked you with the makeup, making your heart melt. You would paint each other’s nails, him asking you to paint his black. You even do goth makeup on him during those nights, both falling for the look on him.

“I’d fuck myself,” he said, making you choke on air before laughing your lungs out.

“Oh yeah? You into the goth scene, Han?”

“Yeah… I’m also into you,”

Felix:

He watched as danced alongside Minho. He challenged you to dance some difficult dances while wearing your dramatic outfit that had lots of tufts and fluff, but it didn’t stop you from accepting. You were the main dancer o your own group, so it was just natural to you, much to everyone’s surprise.

Felix over when you visited. You were a part of a pastel k-pop group, so you were an obvious contrast to your members. But it never seemed to bother you, which attracted him. He loved how confident you were, and how proud you seemed to be when explaining your style.

He jumped in next to you, dancing with you and Minho. You were all now just having a good time, forgetting about the stupid bet. You proved that it wasn’t difficult. When Minho asked how, all you said was,

“How can I struggle when I’m most comfortable?”

Felix fell in love with the snap of a finger, and in that moment, he was invested.

You both often got coffee together before head in to your respective dance rooms, often talking about childhood and how you got there. One of the things he asked about often was your style and other things related to it. He loved seeing you talking animatedly about something you loved, because it made him love it too.

One day he got shocked by his accidental confidence. You grabbed his hand, asking about one of his rings. He told you about it, and as you went to pull your hand back, he, instead, pulled it closer to his, interlocking his fingers with yours. You didn’t pull away. You walked together hand in hand until you finally had to split.

“Hey,” Felix said, gaining your attention. “Wanna hang later?”

Your eyes lit up.

“Always, Felix!”

Seungmin:

When you asked him to cover hard rock song, he halted his movements, looking at you. You had told him once that his voice would sound amazing in the rock genre, and he accepted the compliment. He didn’t expect you to request something.

So that night he stayed up recording his version of the song. Two days later it was ready, and he sent it to you through bubble.

He was right next to you. Instead of talking, he texted, embarrassed. He watched your expressions, and, unsurprisingly, there wasn’t any. He guessed it had to do with being goth, how you never expressed emotions on the outside. After it was finally done, you pulled the ear buds from your ears, turning to your best friend.

“That was fucking sick, Seungmin,” you told him, smiling. “Sure you don’t want to go solo? I’ll be your manager,” you joked, elbowing him.

His ears were hot, a clear sigh they were red. He looked away from your beautiful pale face, trying to compose himself before speaking. His voice cracked despite his attempt.

“Never going solo., but thanks. It was actually really fun. I’ve never done that with my voice,” he explained, rubbing his nape nervously.

“You did great, love. And thank you…you didn’t have to do this, you know?”

Before he could respond, you kissed him on the cheek, making him freeze.

“Would you be opposed to another request?”

Jeonjin:

You had known each other since childhood, so when your style started changing rapidly, he became confused. But it didn’t shock him. Your personality proved to match your new style well, and it was like he was seeing you for the first time. The true you.

He accepted it quickly, never questioning you once about it. He knew that this was who you were, and who you were meant to be.

He even used some of your fashion advice, just throwing in different colors. You two were so close that when he debuted, they offered you a staff position so you two would still be together. You accepted after hearing the proposal, Jeonjin ecstatic and happy. He couldn’t imagine being without you.

As the years went on, your style became more dramatic and seductive, heavier makeup that highlighted your features, and skintight clothes showing a bit of skin rather than baggy dark clothes. The same thing happened with Jeonjin. No longer the teenage baby bread, now muscular, sexy toast.

You two were the visual duo. He even made sure that some of your outfits matched, even if the colors were too dark for his personal taste, making your heart flutter. He was so thoughtful to you.

He even let you do his makeup for some of the performances, because he knew you knew how to do more than goth styles. You pointed his nails, and did a nightly skin routine too.

#Spotify #skz reactions #skz smut #stray kids #stray kids smut #2min smut #kim seungmin #stray kids x reader #seungmin x reader #lee felix #lee know #stray kids minho #changbin #bang chan #hwang hyunjin #han jisung #jeongin #skz scenarios

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yandere-kokeshi · 2 years

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Hey! Love your works! 🙇‍♀️

I was hoping to request a mha where darling is somehow able to start an escape. But once she's on the edge of being able to get to the outside world she panics and runs back to their yandere very upset.

Hope that makes sense 😅 and no pressure if this one doesn't interest you. Much love and hope you are doing well 🖤

— Wanna be a brat? I'll treat you like one

Warnings: yandere behavior, slight violence, reader being bratty, drugging (reader drugs Aizawa), and yelling.

Oh boy!! Please excuse me if this is to cliche! I was watching The Invisible Man while writing this; so I may have gotten ideas from it. Hope you enjoy regardless!

(P.S, sorry it took so long for me to answer this. I'm so sorry :((!!)

Everything wasn’t enough.

When you ran to the door, it was double locked. Too many bolts to recognize, so many codes and digits that made your brain swirl in circles.

Trying to pry a window open resulting in you hurting yourself — as well as getting your favorite things taken away as ‘punishments’.

Really, it was fucking hell.

That door slightly cracked open? You took your chance to run, scramble against the floor as you heard him yell your name, suddenly being pulled back by thick rope, right back into the arms of your captor.

The same glare, scowl, and tightening hold on you always irritated you — “Why run? I have everything for you, what more do you want?”

You wanted to go home! Not stay here by force, and end up as a good ol’ housewife that you may or may not shape into a sweet doll. It was humiliating to sit there and watch you leave.

Whenever you acted out, he always shook it off as fear and anger; “I understand your upset.”

HA! Yeah, right. You took me by force, dickhead. You have no idea what it’s like.

But, when you had those bad ‘tantrums’ — where you screamed, sobbed and begged to go home. Where your throat dried up and stung, your body shook so bad you couldn’t stand or you were so tired you refused to eat?

He would just push you into a small, yet cold room. Making sure you cooled off, coming back a few minutes later, looking at you with that damn eyebrow raised: “You done? Cause I am.”

You weren’t sure why he always allowed you to express your anger — even though he left the room the minute you started screaming at him.

You told yourself, maybe it was his guilt. Or possibly him losing his patience.

You weren’t sure. But you wanted to leave.

Though, one night, when the two of you were asleep, or at least he was. You were lying there, staring at the darkened ceiling, admiring and fantasizing what it would be like to stare at the moon again. Feel the grass grazed against your back, cold wind blowing all over you.

You couldn’t sleep but that was common. I mean, how could you sleep laying next to the same captor who took you? Nobody would.

Then a thought came. Why not drug him? I mean, since you always threw ‘tantrums’, you always had benadryl on hand due to the insane headaches you whined about; plus, you would just scream at him more till you were knocked out.

“Why can’t I just take care of you?” Shota asked, giving you the glass of water with two medicines that were deemed to work. You rolled your eyes, throwing down the medicine before doing the same with the water.

You heard him sigh, like always at your attitude. You turned your back, feeling him shift his weight beside you before pulling up his phone — the ‘ding!’ coming on and off while you heard him write some type of email.

And… just like that. You made a decision. Right there and then.

“A drink?” You watched him raise an eyebrow at the coffee, a random act of kindness coming from you was rare. You nodded, acting all innocently. “Yeah, jus’ decided to share it with you cause I made some.” You mumbled off, although you saw him smile in the corner of your eye.

Bingo. You watched him take a sip — hum at the taste before going back to grading papers. Taking more sips before watching the entire cup be empty. It made you laugh.

Of course, you had to make sure he wasn’t suspicious of you. You drank your entire cup, possibly got another one before starting yet another scene; yelling at him, watching him sigh before slumping off into the bedroom next door.

Then you know it, he comes in a bit early — “Time to go to bed.”

You looked at the clock, it was only 7:37 am. You faked a groan, before trotting behind him, crawling into bed and watched him sleep away with drool drizzling down his stubbled chin.

Which is where you are now. Cuddled right by his side, watching him snooze away — too hard per say.

You wanna feel bad, yet you never will. Never for this monster — fuck no.

Giving Aizawa one last glance, you slowly but steadily go out of the bed, carefully replacing his tighter hold onto a thick pillow.

Taking small, light steps towards the main room, you tried your best to not step on certain squeaky planks, making sure to keep quiet.

Getting in front of the front door, you crouched and pulled out a bobby pin; sliding it into the lock before turning and twisting it.

Your blood was pumping — hair on your body stood as your thoughts sprawled all over.

Suddenly, you heard a meow behind you; a loud one that made your heart drop.

Turning around, you saw Mickey, a black cat with different colored eyes blinking at you, yawning at such a late time. Aizawa had gotten it for you to keep company, but you thought it was the damned evil.

Somehow, the cat always knew when you were in trouble. Trotting to Aizawa, almost communicating with him and blowing your cover when you were up to no good.

Not now… you thought.

Mickie had stood there, blinking before moving towards you, rolling and pouring loud as a train.

You continued trying to pry the lock, but to no avail. Nothing worked. It was useless.

Finally, going at it while pushing Mickie away. You heard the third lock unlock.

Hope. It gave you hope. You could finally leave

You looked around, completely aware that any moment given, you could be found. But you kept trying, so hard.

Suddenly, Mickie screamed at you; her voice howled throughout the entire, quiet room.

You put your finger on your mouth, wanting her to shoosh.

Meow!

‘Shush!’ You whispered quietly. Grabbing her before petting her, pushing her off to the side.

Meow!!

“What do you think you’re doing?”

A booming voice came from behind you.

You froze, staying where you were as you slightly trembled, thinking what to do next. Before you could manage to do anything, his hand appeared on your shoulder, forcing you up and facing him.

Locking eyes with dark gray ones, you felt your entire body shake — watching his eyebrows narrowing, jawline sharp and strained while his eyes spoke for itself.

You’re in big trouble, missy.

“I asked you a question.” His sultry voice came out, waiting for an answer.

“Get off me,” you sneered, trying to act tough.

Hearing Aizawa scoff, he yanked your arm and dragged you back into the bedroom. Practically throwing you into the maddress stomach first before hearing metal clanking.

Cold — something bare and heavy attached itself towards your ankles.

“These are only temporary,” Aizawa stated. “Until you can behave correctly, these stay on.” He added, before standing up again, his knees popping.

You looked down, seeing chains connected to your feet; they were heavy, an ugly cold that drugged you of shivers into your core.

He looked down at you, anger rising in his face before he demanded a statement from you.

“Say your sorry — and I might reconsider easing the punishments.” He said, while crossing his arms against his chest. His disappointed posture was deafening through your thoughts.

You stared hard at him, teeth clenching in fear and anger, “Fuck you.”

You saw that those words struck a chord in him. Saw his eye twitch in annoyance. Finally, what felt like an eternity he spoke back up.

“It’s my fault for trusting you too much.” He stated, “Drinking that — stupid fucking coffee.”

Did he know?

He looked at you, directly staring into your soul. Almost waiting for you to answer his question.

“I hate you,” You whispered.

Aizawa nodded frustratingly.

“Fine. Wanna act like a brat? I’ll treat you like one.”

He grumbled, reaching over and grabbed your legs, pulling the chain to connect to the bedpost. Before grabbing a coat from the hanger by his bedside.

He stomped away and slammed the door shut. You heard his footsteps leave the apartment, slamming the front door.

A lump forms in your throat.

Something — something was gonna happen and it was not gonna be nice.

Too deep into your thoughts, you failed to notice Mickey climbing onto the bed. You flinched at the sudden loud meow coming from beside you.

Turning to your left, you saw Mickie laying down, purring beside you as she continued grooming herself.

Now… you’re only left with your thoughts. An occasional meow from the damn cat.

What did you get yourself into?

—

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Content belongs to ©️ yandere-kokeshi only.

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beesdelusion · 1 year

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General Gorou In heat

Pairing Gorou x male reader

Prompt

Warnings

Summery Gorou is in heat and has been avoiding his partner, who is less than merciful when he finds out

- Gorou had been so distant the past few days, nervously running away whenever your near, spluttering nonsensical excuses

-You couldn’t help but feel a little rejected, he hadn’t been this skittish since your first date, was it you? Had you done something to offend or upset him?

-Every time you tried to confront him however, he would mutter something along the lines of:

-“I don’t know what your talking about, I’m too busy for this right now”

- eventually the loneliness’s was starting to get the better of you, you missed your caring and attentive boyfriend and you needed him back

“Gorou! We need to talk”

The sound of a pen banging down drew your attention to the table your usually darling boyfriend used to complete work. He looked at you with a slight glint of sadness, you almost never called him by his given name.

“Y/N, I’m very busy can this wait?”

You stomped over banging your hands down on the table. His ears jumped back at the sound and he looked up at you as if only now noticing you’re truly there.

“ What could you possibly be busy with in the middle of the night? Kokomi has you on medical leave, what’s going on?”

Sure enough the only things sat on his table were old mission reports, already signed off on. Not to mention his pen had not even been dipped in any ink.

“You’ve been ignoring me and I need to know why! What’s going on? If you want to end things you should just tell me not string me along it’s just cruel”

Gorou jumped up out of his seat at your words grabbing onto your shoulders, finally face to face with you for the first time in days.

“NO!no I-I don’t want that, I never want that”

You shrugged his hands off and tipped his chin up with your hand, tilting his face up

“What’s going on then, tell me and I won’t be mad, what’s happened”

“I-It’s complicated y/n, I don’t think you’d understand”

His gaze lowers, he’s twiddling his hands and his ears are plastered against his head, typical scared gorou behaviour you often see before an important meeting or before a battle.

“It’s my heat-”

His face turned bright red at his confession, immediately burring his head into your chest, his safe space.

“Usually I just continue as normal, but now y-your around and it’s so much harder I want to be with you all the time and-“

You interrupt him, pulling him off your chest and holding him by the shoulders,

“Okay I think i understand now”

“I-“

“hush puppy I’m talking now, You thought just because you were feeling pent up you thought you could run around and ignore me, making me worry like that, honestly if you had just told me this would be a lot nicer for you”

“Wha-“

He doesn’t get a chance to finish his sentence as you pick him up and throw his smaller body up into your shoulder.

Strolling towards the cot where you throw him down onto the sheets, after all he’s the general of a army. He can take a little rough housing.

“I-I’m confused are you still mad at me”

He whimpers out looking up at you with those big wet eyes , that expression always drives you crazy but now it’s something new.

“Yes I am, you should have told me gorou and now your about to make up for it”

You lean down and lock your lips with his in a passionate kiss that makes his brain spin, he wouldn’t have avoided you so long if he knew it was going to feel this good to kiss you again.

He reaches up his hands gripping your shirt to prevent you from pulling away from him, not that you were planning on leaving any time soon, although leaving him desperate and alone like this would be a good punishment for what he’s put you through these past few days.

You broke the kiss and began undoing the ropes that made up his belt, he squirms and whimpers up at you.

“Hold still and be quiet general, such unbecoming behaviour”

You tease with a hard stare, as you finally manage to undo the belt, and yank down his baggy pants.

“Oh poor puppy, you’ve been like this all week haven’t you, pathetic ”

Gorou, finally having enough of your teasing reaches up and grabs our face with this puppy dog eyes baring into your souls.

“I’m sorry okay, just please….. touch me”

Struggling to Finnish this one might come back for a pt2

-Bees delusions

#genshin imagines #genshin gorou #gorou smut #genshin smut #gorou x reader

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idontplaytrack · 5 months

Text

Flaws

Janis ‘Imi’ike x fem! reader

Warnings: fluff, angst. coarse language, quarrelling. Implied/slightly described messy home life

In which, Janis has always been reader’s source of love and comfort. Through the pretty and the ugly.

“

I’m on the incredi-coaster. Some days I am on the highest of highs, huffing chocolate-chip cookies, and, other days, I liiiterally want to jump right off

”

— Auli'i Cravalho, 2023

I like making myself emotional apparently 😁

“Are you okay?” Gretchen asks in a quiet voice, studying your face closely.

No.

“Yeah.” You shrugged, focusing your eyes on the whiteboard and teacher at the front of the room.

“You alright?” Regina shot you a look, “What’s going on with you? You’re not yapping about like you usually do.”

“No, nothing.” You replied dismissively. Why’d she notice anyway?

“y/n, what…what are you doing? You’ve got the answer wrong.” Cady mentions.

“What?” You snapped out of your trance, shaking your head slightly as though to get rid of the unwanted thoughts. “Oh, shit. I’m sorry- I just-”

Just felt like crying, honestly.

“Maybe you should sit this one out.” Aaron says, “You look a little pale, are you sure—”

“Yeah, why the heck not?” You cut him off, grabbing the dodgeball and then threw it back to him.

Your day was going…alright— arguably.

“y/n, what is going on with you? I literally called for you twice and you just stared at your food.”

“I’m fine. Just tired, Damian.” You plopped the fork back onto the tray.

You spent half your school day without Janis since you both had, essentially- the same classes but at different times. After lunch was art class, where you’d see Janis for the first time since she picked you up from your house. “Hi, baby.” She presses a kiss to your cheek before taking her usual seat in class. You sat down beside her, your mind drifts back to last night’s useless quarrel with your Mom and Dad.

Janis was watching, you could feel it. But you continued looking straight ahead at the front of the room. You couldn’t lose it now, not after you’ve tried so hard to keep it together and you weren’t about to just…give up.

"Okay." Janis' voice pulled you back, "We're ditching, let's go."

"No." "Yes, come on. Before Mr. Riley gets here." She insisted. Next thing you knew, you were being led out of the school by Janis and into her Mom's car. She'd texted her Mom to come and pick the two of you up, and she did. But quickly left the house after you two'd been dropped off to go run errands.

"It happened again, didn't it?" Janis asked knowingly while shutting her door.

You scoffed, avoiding eye contact with her. Janis sat down beside you and carried on speaking, "I told you- you don't have to pretend with me. You do enough of that every fucking day, trying to care for your sisters, your Mom, yourself."

Damn, she really was always listening whenever you'd vented to her.

"I'm sick of it, you know? Have to re-parent myself, gentle parent myself- it's ridiculous. They made me this way and yet I'm the one doing all the work? While whatever's made me like this is still happening?" Your voice quivered, you sniffled, got up and walked to a corner of her room to avoid having her see you like this. Upset, teary, weak.

Janis saw a side of you that everyone else failed to see: the little girl inside you pleading to be loved and cared for instead of being picked on or dismissed. Or having every little flaw of yours scrutinised. Every time after you'd poured your heart out to her, you brushed it off as 'being in a mood'. But she doesn't. Janis knows it means something and has been helping you all this time. To undo the damage that's been done to little you. Janis allowed you to express your emotions: happiness, sadness, anger, excitement, anxiety, disgust...all of it. She's never once held you back but instead stayed along side you while you did what you needed in the moment, felt what you needed to feel in the moment. Janis knew every little quirk of yours like the back of own hand, she knew what made you happy, and what made you not so happy. She knew exactly what to do in any given moment which has made you feel like her burden. Which...you'd expressed in passing but she didn't agree. Janis immediately shut you down. But you insisted, saying it wasn't her job to fix you.

"y/n- listen to me. You are right, it's not my job to fix you- to fix any of this. But as your partner and someone who loves you, it is my responsibility to help you grow into a better person- a better version of yourself. You don't realise that so I'm telling you my point of view, okay? You've helped me too, you know that? You've made me less blunt, more patient...things that I weren't before I met you, y/n. It's not just me putting in the effort, you are too. I see how hard you're trying...to break the cycle and that's so important to remember in moments where it doesn't feel like it."

Now was one of those times...but you couldn't fight what you were feeling. Those emotions you've tried so hard to work through were all boiling back up. But still, you bit back those tears. And it physically hurt.

————

The more eager you seemed in avoiding looking at her, the more eager she was in walking up to you to make you took at her in the eye. "Why do you even love me?"

'What the fuck.' Janis thought to herself. That was honestly her first thought and what she wanted to say but she stopped herself, taking a deep breath instead, "You cannot choose who you fall in love with. And I don't have just one reason why. It just feels right, like it's meant to be." Janis slowly walked up to you from behind, "You don't see yourself the way I see you and it hurts me that you hate yourself this much. You're doing the best you can, baby. I see that, but please listen to me now, okay? Let it go, you need to let those tears go. Stop holding it in, it's okay. It's okay to cry."

Oh, what the hell.

You really just let go of the tears you've been swallowing all day long, falling limp in her arms as you choked on a sob. Whatever happened last night was anything but new, but it always upset you and brought you to a shitty place. Eventually, her back hit the wall and you two slid to the floor with you still safely in her embrace. She's witnessed worse, but this doesn't cause her invalidate your emotions. Janis would never do that to you- she never has. Janis loved you - every part of you. It's been clear since day one, nothing fazed her but what you had to go through all your life only angered her, wanting nothing but the best for you.

Janis had days like this too, and you were there for her without a second thought. Nothing mattered more than making sure she knew you were there for her. When you were in her shoes, you do it without even thinking. But whenever you were on the receiving end, you never could take your own advice or words that you so earnestly gave to your girlfriend.

Right now, was one of those days where you felt like jumping right off. Nothing felt worth it, everything you fought and worked for seemed futile. You, felt like shit. But Janis, no- she was a fucking saint, so damn patient and loving and it scared the shit out of you to have seen and experience the stark difference in her personality in public and in the safe walls of home...that side of her was as real as it was a show for self-defence. You never did experience love like this till Janis came into your life. All your life, you learnt that love had to be earned. That love was smashed glasses, broken walls and slamming doors. Absolutely nothing like what you could've imagined it to actually be and it terrified you.

Hurt in private, shine in public. Right?

You stop eventually, feeling nothing left inside of you anymore. It's not like you were a loud crier by any means, but it just went on for several minutes and the more sober you felt, the more you kept thinking that you should just...stop. Even with her whispering words of assurance into your ears over and over, her telling you she loved you.

"Do you wanna stand?" She asks, both her hands cupping your cheeks. You just did, not giving her a verbal response. Sighing, you went into her bathroom to freshen up then changed into a set of clothes that were hers. Wordless. Not another word came out either one of your mouths as all of this was carried out. Because she knew you- that's how you worked. You climbed into her bed, and she does the same, spooning you as you felt yourself relax further under her touch. Your arms rested on hers as you gave her hands a squeeze, hoping she got what you meant. She did, of course she did. She knew what every little gesture meant. Janis could read you like a book.

You two dozed off for a little while, and when you woke up again you were expecting a bitching headache- which did start. But eh, you'd be fine. You felt better after letting yourself feel what you needed to feel. Both of you acknowledge whatever's happened prior to the nap, but moved on with your day focusing on anything but that. That was done. While you were curled up on the couch, Janis threw a frozen pizza into the oven along with the last bit of chicken tenders, she said. Again, you did not say a thing but she knew you were listening. You were the one who requested the pizza after all.

You two've gotten the routine done and that's what mattered on days like these. You knew she loved you and why, but when emotions were running high, a lot of crap tended to be said. A little bit of love, patience and peace went a long way in these times. "Janis." You looked at her, she looked back at you, "Thank you. I love you." "Anytime, baby. I know you do. I love you, too." Janis said back, running a hand through your hair while you had your head in her lap now, "We're doing just fine."

#auli’i cravalho #janis ‘imi’ike #janis 'imi'ke x fem reader #reader insert #x reader #female reader #lgbtqia #wlw #queer #wlw fanfic #fluff #angst #hurt/comfort #Spotify

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lancermylove · 1 year

Text

Feeling Lonely (Word Game)

Fandom: Obey Me

Pairing: Solomon x fem!Reader

Warning: Mild angst.

Requested by: Anon

Prompt: Can I request Solomon with female mc and night, sigh, waiting?

A/N: Sometimes I feel bad for Solomon. He really tries to get MC's attention, but the demon brothers always win in the end.

Word Count: 734

———————————————

Yet another night of waiting for you to return. Solomon sat on one of the dining room chairs, his back pressed against the chair and his head raised to the ceiling. He should be used to this, should he? You were the same in the future timeline, so why was he growing impatient now? Was Solomon perhaps hoping you would not get as close to the brothers since they didn't remember you? At the thought of the brothers, Solomon felt as though multiple needs pierced the flesh of his heart.

The oldest was far from kind and pushed all his brothers' troubles onto you. Yet when you spoke to Lucifer, your held eyes warmth, and your tone was sweet as honey. The second brother caused you problems and dragged you into messes with him, and you happily followed, knowing the consequences. Though, he couldn't be as upset with Mammon, considering he was the kindest of them all.

"But still," Solomon mumbled, his eyes fixed on a stain on the ceiling.

The third brother lacked control over his emotions and tended to dump his emotions on you. Yet you comforted Levil with open arms and did all you could to uplift his mood. The fourth brother was a narcissist and whined more than necessary, but you never failed to make him feel beautiful time and time again. Granted, he couldn't complain too much about Asmo, as the demon had a sweet nature.

"But I still dislike when he looks at you seductively…"

The fifth brother got you into trouble multiple times whenever he attempted to prank Lucifer; moreover, you had to clean up every time after his anger episodes. Even then, you stood by Satan's side without fearing his wrath. Not to mention, you were not a part of their family, but you did everything you could to keep them together. The sixth brother didn't cause much trouble unless food or hunger was involved, but why did he need to wake you up in the middle of the night just to tell you he was hungry? You didn't need to cook for him or answer his call that late yet you still did.

"You even refuse my help when I offer to cook for Beel. Why?" Solomon closed his eyes and exhaled loudly.

Lastly, Belphie wasn't as much of a handful as he was in the future timeline, but he took your life in the future. Somehow, you were still not fazed by him, not in the future and certainly not now. What made these brothers so special? To add to this, they were demons - creatures of the dark, but this made no difference to you.

"I asked you to carefully tailor your decision for the sake of the Human Realm, but you…you continuously choose to protect the brothers and do what's best for them," A strained smile tugged on his lips. "It's not that I don't trust you, but I am jealous."

They had always held a special place in her heart, and the sorcerer wished he could also hold such a dear space in her heart. He had always done everything for her, yet it seemed like it was not enough to get her to open up her heart to him completely.

"You're my girlfriend, yet your heart has more room for the brothers than me."

His body was drained, and his mind was exhausted. Maybe it was due to the unnecessary thoughts he was having. Was it right for him to keep these thoughts to himself? If he told you, you would be sad, and that was not something Solomon wished upon you. As the night grew darker, he felt his eyes getting heavy, and eventually, he drifted off to sleep.

When you returned home, you saw Solomon asleep with his head resting on the dining table. At first, you found it cute that he was waiting for you, but the closer you got to him, the more you took note of his expression. His features were relaxed, but his brows were furrowed and lips downturned. It was as if a heavy burden plagued him.

Did something happen while you were away? Not wanting to wake him up, you leaned close to his head and planted a soft kiss. Tomorrow you would talk to him about this, and you didn't plan to let him leave until he told you the truth.

———————————————

➣ Obey Me Masterlist: [1][2]

➣ Main Masterlist

➣ Buy me a Ko-fi? ➣ Commission: Open ➣ HC/Scenario Requests: Closed || Quick Ask Requests: Open || GIF Requests: Open

#obey me #obey me nightbringer #swd obey me #swd om #obey me solomon #nightbringer solomon #om solomon #solomon obey me #solomon x reader #om! solomon

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asktidethegastrodon · 7 months

Text

Tide gives another warm smile Tide: As long as you behave in front of the children, I don't see a problem with you coming along!

Tide's smile slowly disappears a bit and gets a semi serious expression Tide: Otherwise. You would have to be removed. Tide smiles and waves a friendly hand Tide: It's up to you if you want to join or not! I always personally found it fun and interesting! Carrot: D..don't you ever get.. b-bored? Listening to.. the same story over.. and over...? Tide: Nah, I think it's nice to see how the kids faces light up whenever it's told! I think it's important to learn these things after all! Carrot: It.. d-doesn't upset you at all? Tide: Why would it upset me? :0 Carrot:...... N.... No reason... Tide gives Carrot a confused expression as the shaymin nervously shuffles around in the purse. The gastrodon turns back to X with a friendlier expression Tide: But! You can either join us there later when it's started... Or you can tag along with us, I wouldn't mind if you did! Tide: But I am needing to make a stop on my way there... So it's up to you really! -- -- -- -- [ @mod-checker ]

#chrono #Tide #Carrot #mod-checker #gastrodon #shaymin #mimikyu #sfw #pokemon ask #pokemon ask blog

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acotrash · 2 years

Text

Ain’t Gonna Sleep Till The Daylight - Eris

Cursing the Daylight pt. 2 | Eris Head canons for Starfall Week 2023

Eris couldn’t pinpoint the exact date it happened, but soon he started splitting his time between Autumn and Night

It really wasn’t that hard to explain to his father, it was rather easy to manipulate. He was working on alliances with Rhysand and his inner circle. It was shaky and Eris still needed to smooth it over, or there was always one thing or another to work over with Kier and that Court. But really? He was just going to see you.

His favorite time of day was in the evening, when he’d done his heir and lordling duties for the day and got to visit you in your small cozy cottage on the outskirts of Velaris. It became a sanctuary for him, a little bubble

Very little people knew of the relationship you two had, in fact you were sure no one knew who you were to the heir of Autumn, Eris kept you hidden and close to his heart

You’d be upset if you didn’t know why, the worries he’d whispered when the stars were blinking out of existence and the first rays of the sun were popping into view and Eris was drunk off of your scent and his body lose and warm. How this is the one place he wasn’t Lord Eris or the Heir to the Autumn Court, or That Asshole Eris which seemed to be Mor’s and Azriel’s favorite insult to hurl at him but instead he was just Eris, he was able to strip off every single mask

So you weren’t upset when he wouldn’t join you for dinner or take you dancing in Velaris, not since the first few weeks of you and him sitting in that small cafe all alone, all it really took was one of the spies that worked for the Spymaster to report that Eris has another contact here and this would change. You knew Eris was paranoid, after what all he told you about his father and his plans and visions once he’s High Lord, you entertain his safety concerns

But that doesn’t stop you from pouting playfully whenever he has to leave the next morning, you always try to get him to stay or take you with him “I always wanted to see the Autumn Court” you lie and Eris knows it. It’s not like you hate the Autumn Court but you’d rather be dead than be anywhere outside of the Night Court. “You’d be so bored in Autumn and you’d hate it” Eris says, pressing a kiss to your mouth “but I’ll bring you back an apple from the orchid” “I want a golden apple from your mother’s orchid” you tease, Eris just pulls you closer, nosing a column of your neck “I’ll bring you back the entire orchid if you want”

He’s never gone for long, doesn’t like leaving you for too long. He worries about you, even though he’d never voice that comment fully aware you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself. But he craves your company and misses and cares for you more than he does anyone, so he’s back before the week is over and as promised, has a golden apple from his mother’s orchid

He’s walking into your cottage, a smile on his lips, he’s been smiling since his mother caught him slipping from her gardens. She hadn’t asked him why he had been in her gardens, she knows her son well enough to know he has a female hidden somewhere. She was happy for him but that didn’t stop Lady Autumn from leveling her first born with a hard look, reminding him to be careful, that he has playing a dangerous game

His mother’s words hadn’t been able to wipe the smile from his face, he couldn’t wait to show you the apple, but what could wipe the smile off his face was your expression when he walked in.

You were chewing your lip which could only mean one thing. You were about to ask him something that he wouldn’t like, like the very first time you asked him to take you someplace and accuses him of being ashamed of you. That was the first and last time you two had ever fought and that was months ago, back when this was still new and fresh and you two didn’t know how to navigate what this was

“Am I in trouble?” Eris asked you carefully, leaning against the doorframe. He rolled the apple between his hands just so he had something to do with his hands. You shook your head “no”

“Then what is it?” He asks softly, you open your mouth to tell him it’s nothing but he shakes his head “I know what that look means (Y/N)”

You don’t even try to change the topic of asking him if that apple is for you so instead you ask him how long he’s planning on staying and Eris shrugs and so then you ask if he can stay for a few days, clarifying that it’s starfall in a few days

You didn’t tell him that you really want to spend Starfall with him

Eris slightly tenses at the mention of Starfall, images of parties flashing through his mind, like the one Rhysand had invited him to last week, albeit the invitation felt forced and neither of them wanted Eris there. But you’re quick to assure him that you’re not asking him to go to a Starfall party

You’re asking him to spend Starfall, alone, with you

Of course he’s quick to agree, he’d agree to most things just to see you smile, but a small part of him felt bad that he’d been so reluctant to agree to go to a party with you on your favorite holiday

It bothered him all night, he only managed a weak smile when you smiled brightly at the golden apple before placing it with your other apples

Could barely chew his dinner as his mind whirled that you must be disappointed to not go to a Starfall party, to wear a pretty dress and be spun around all night

Finally, in bed you had enough of Eris’ distracted behavior and you huffed as his hands stilled on your back “what is it?” You finally asked. His brows furrowed. “What is what?”

“Why have you been acting off since you got here?” You sat up as you fixed a look at him. He signed and sat up, leaning back against the headboard

“Are you sure, that you don’t want to go to a Starfall party?” He asked you slowly, his amber eyes boring into you, but you shook your head even after he said to tell the truth “I don’t go to Starfall parties” you admitted

“Why?” He’s now afraid that his concerns of being seen with you and word getting out that he’s seeing you getting back to his father is more of a burden and strain on the relationship than you make it out to be

You’re quick to assure him that it’s not as you shrug admitting to him that you like to just sit outside with blankets and pillows and just watch the soul-stars streak across the night sky. It’s something you did even as a child

“You promise?” He asks, his voice a whisper, still afraid that he’s holding you and and you nod, pressing your lips firmly to his. “I promise”

He held you tightly that night, he was quiet so you filled the silence talking about Starfall. Your favorite Starfall traditions like you always made a wish on the first star you saw, you didn’t care that you were a few centuries too old to be wishing on stars, how you loved the food and the little star cookies the bakeries sold for the occasion and of course, the gift giving.

You talked late into the night and well into the morning, you kept glancing up at Eris, sure that the Autumn heir would grow tired of your rambling and fall asleep, but he didn’t, running his fingers through your hair and stifling a yawn, he listened to you talk

So for the next few days, Eris helped you around the house as you got ready for Starfall, Eris quite enjoyed his time in Velaris when he wasn’t required to attend pointless alliance meetings or smooth over tension between the two different courts within the Night Court and instead his time with you, for once was unlimited.

He still avoided heading into the bustling town to avoid Rhysand, although he was sure his guard dog had informed the High Lord the second he stepped foot within its boarders. Maybe staying away from Eris was Rhysand’s own Starfall present to him. But he enjoyed his time with you, it was a luxury he never thought he'd have

A few days later, he helped you drag all of your pillows and blankets outside into the grass, he even carried out various snacks as well.

You two had laid under the stars streaking across the sky, and when the first one had shown you grabbed his hand and whispered softly “make a wish” he did, finally understanding why you wanted to be alone on Starfall and not surrounding by loud music and packed in some place. You smiled up at him “what did you wish for?”

To stay here forever

He tapped your nose “it wouldn’t come true now would it? You’re not supposed to tell others your wish”

#acotar #a court of thorns and roses #acotar headcanon #a court of thorns and roses headcanon #eris x you #eris vanserra #eris x reader #starfall #Starfall week 2023

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firstdivisiongirl · 6 months

Note

hi there <3 I’m hoping that you would be able to do a tokyo revengers matchup for me if its still open :)

my name is Samantha <3

my pronouns are she/her!

my personally type is ENFP!

my zodiac sign in virgo!

if i had to say what alignment i am, it would be chaotic neutral LMAO

im 5’7, slightly on the curvy side. i have long-ish, black curly hair and brown eyes. i wear round, black glasses. i have a couple of pierces and tattoos!

if you go on Pinterest and look up “Tumblr aesthetic 2014 grunge” and that is my dream aesthetic if i wasn’t so lazy - i only wear leggings and hoodies…

my favorite anime right now is Tokyo Revengers <3 also slightly obsessed with hazbin hotel and helluva boss

the games that my friends and i have played / play are - Twisted Wonderland and Obey Me

i have one cat and one dog <3

my favorite food is sushi! i also LOVE DR. PEPPER <3333 its like BAD

i feel like i dont have that many hobbies because i work ALOT. my friends say that i am a workaholic :( when Im at work, i basically run around like the world is going to end if that task isn’t done in the next two seconds. i have the mind set of “if you want things done right, you have to do it yourself” - which stresses me out and idk why I am like that HAHA

but when im not working, i love to write for my friends - mostly it will be about whatever fandom that we are into at the moment. (tbh i never end up finishing the stories because i get lazy haha).

my dream goal in life is to write angsty romance novel - like enemies to lovers (which is my FAVORITE TROUPE) and become an author.

as well, I am IN LOVE WITH MUSIC! every year that my Spotify wrap comes out my friends are SHOOK about how many different genres, artist and amount of time i listen to music for. for example, this year i listened to 75 different genres, 2,864 songs and 1,595 different artist!!

my top artist were : Pierce The Viel, Taylor Swift, Chase Atlantic, Rosenfeld, and Fall Out Boy :)

my top songs were : emergency contact, habits, this is why im hot, cardigan, and ceilings <3

my top genres were : pop, pop : indie, pop punk, rap, and alt z (whatever that is LMFAO)

this year i listened to : 32,897 minutes

my favorite thing to do is make playlist based on shows and characters to show my friends about how I feel <3

ive been told that i look very intimidating and mean, but once you get to know me im an uwu baby. that im very down to earth and emotional. but i make friends very easily - considering people have told me even though i look mean but i have an inviting aura which draws them in.

i’m pretty extroverted lol i make friends wherever i go and always see people i know whenever im out

i have a hard time expressing myself verbally. that whenever i try to tell someone how i feel about something, i start to get tongue-tie and stressed and upset. probably cause i feel too much at the same time :( so what i end up doing is just writing out how i feel and showing them (which is kind of rare lol)

but when Im talking about something that i love - Iiget loud LMFAO I start to talk with my hands more than i already do, i start talking very fast. then when i noticed that im doing that, i stop and apologize for being annoying HAHAH

my friends call me a tsundere (only applies with anime characters - not IRL people) because there will be a character that i cannot stand at first and then i will start to slowly like them and be VERY MEAN AND ANGRY ABOUT IT. eventually that character will turn into one of my favorite characters and i love them with all my heart - but will still be mad about it.

but tbh i’m such a hopeless romantic! if we’re dating i love you with all my heart.

my love language are : quality time, physical touch and words of affirmation. i will want to spend all my time with you. i am a very touchy person. words of affirmation is very important to me because i am very self conscious about basically everything about me *sigh* BUT IM TRYING TO WORK ON IT <3

SORRY I FEEL LIKE I WROTE SO MUCH! SORRY IF NONE OF THIS MAKE SENSE LOL

i hope you have an amazing day! stay cool

Hi there. I can’t stay cool because I’m not cool lol. It makes sense and it’s not too much. The more info the easier it is to find your perfect match. Idk how far you are in Tokyo Revengers. Let’s do this and I hope you enjoy.

You Got…

Kokonoi Hajime!!!!

He loves romance. (If you’ve seen season 3 you kind of get it). Love is something he really wants. And when he falls, he falls hard!

He works a lot too, so don’t worry about him getting mad at you.

He is patient and kind of a sweetheart. He wouldn’t get annoyed by your hand talking and getting passionate.

He’s been good friends with Inui (Inupi, Discount Sabo, etc. Boy has so many names lol!!!!), who does express himself much. He’d be able to figure it out and help as much as he could (his solution probably would include money).

He’d tell you he appreciates and loves you as much as he can. He can be a little emotionally constipated. He’ll probably also buy you stuff to show how much he cares.

If you love a character or band, expect lots of merch from him.

He’d love to hear your stories, especially angsty romance. He’s kind of an example angsty romance so…yeah.

I think you two would have similar music tastes and idk why. If he isn’t a Swiftie, I don’t know anything anymore.

#first division girl #tokyo revengers #tokyo rev #tokyo revengers matchups #tokyo revengers matchup #tr matchups #tr matchup #tokyo rev matchup #tokyo rev matchups #character matchup

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verilly · 2 years

Text

Aki Hayakawa x Reader

•••|•••|•••|•••|•••

aliusworld’s songfic event— inspo: MANNEQUIN album (Deco*27)

Description: “My booming heart is heating, killing me.”, “With you my world is now breaking through.”, & “You’re my receiver.”

Warnings: Mentions of self harm, self hate, K¥$-ing, major character death, borderline obsessive reader, suggestive(?), and well… angst.

{5261 words}

•••|•••|•••|•••|•••

[1]

‘Dear Aki,

I don’t really plan on giving you these letters at all, well… maybe you’ll just find it or something! I’d rather die than tell you how I feel.

I’ve been told to write these by a few friends to get a few things off my chest. Like a diary? Except they’re all aimed towards you! Because you’re the person I care the most about.

After we met, my life has gotten a little bit more bright. When I heard you got hurt during the whole Gun Attack I wanted to die. Because without you, I would be nothing. I really like you, how can I express that to you without exactly saying it?

I don’t know yet. But I’ll figure it out! I always do. So, I wonder if you like me?’

The note was nothing special, only something to express your surface level feelings. You folded it nicely and shoved it into a drawer. You felt a little better, you were lying in that note.

If you really were scared that Aki were to die, you would have visited him. Yet you didn’t. You did see him the moment he was discharged, but it was only out of sheer luck. You just happened to pass him, you bowed your head and made your way around him. You didn’t wait long enough to see if he reciprocated your act.

Maybe you should’ve.

[3]

‘Dear Aki,

You talked to me first today! That was so nice… you smelt like cigarettes, which is gross, but that’s okay. It’s you. Everyone has their flaws, but if the majority of people think it’s perfectly fine, then so should I.

This sounds bad, but I don’t really remember what we were talking about. Maybe it was about devils? Or— was I supposed to be doing something? Maybe you were scolding me, I guess it just slipped my mind after you left, sorry about that.

But we went out to lunch together! I thought it was really fun, we talked a bunch! And this time, it wasn’t even all about work, some personal stuff too… I’m sure it’s because Aki just lost Himeno. I don’t want to be her replacement, but if he wants me to be something like that, I’ll change.

You make my heart beat so fast… what am I supposed to do? I feel like if I’m away from you for too long my heart will stop beating completely! Is that bad? Maybe I should distance myself from you just to make sure I’m not driving you away.

Everyday, whenever I see you, my smile gets a tad bit wider. I hope you notice it. Unless you find it creepy or weird, then please don’t notice it.

I wonder if you feel the same.’

Aki was the one who started the conversation that time. There was no one else in the room but you two.

“[name]?” It was Aki’s voice, he’s so soothing…

“Mm, yeah?” Your voice cracked, you ‘mentally’ punched yourself by grabbing your arm quickly and digging your nails into your skin, this was the first time you talked to him in ages! How could your body betray you like that?

“I’ve noticed you’ve been staring at me, did I do something to upset you?” His words hit you like a truck. He has never done anything to make you upset, why is he thinking like that? We’re you staring too much? It was supposed to be a secret! Then again, you were never good at being ‘sneaky’.

“W-what?! No way, y-you haven’t done anything like that at all!” Your stutter. You hated it, but you had to say something, or else me might think you’re crazy or ignoring him! “I’m sorry that I’ve been staring. I really didn’t mean to…” you lied through your teeth, but Aki didn’t need to know that.

“Oh, you don’t need to be sorry. I was just wondering, that’s all.” The room went quiet after that. It was an awkward silence, even the position was awkward. You were sitting on a lounge chair while Aki was standing, looking down at you. “Hey, why don’t we go somewhere to eat? You’ve been working here long enough and I don’t think we’ve talked too often.”

Lunch with Aki? Hell yes!

[8]

‘Dear Aki,

My expectations have been blown. We’re buddies now, who would’ve guessed that? Considering my luck, I never thought that I would hit the jackpot like this! I’ve always wished it happened, I guess there is some sort of god up there.

There’s a lot of these letters too, so to commemorate my success I bought a box to keep the letters in! It’s a baby blue color, I drew small designs on the edge to make it look prettier too. I’ll keep it under my bed. Hopefully it won’t pick up any dust!

Our first patrol together was very tame compared to the other ones I’ve been on. No fiend yelling in my ear, the area was full of other humans, and you were on my right! I don’t know if you meant to do it, but you were walking closer to the road, making me farther from it. You’re kind even if you don’t mean it. I appreciate that.

Some of these letters are really embarrassing, I really hope you actually never find any of these. I’d melt into a puddle on the floor, I think I’d even quit my job. But you’ll never find these! I’ll make sure of it!’

[11]

‘Dear Aki,

Today was really scary. You took a hit for me from a devil. Please. Never. Do. That. Again.

Your sacrifice would be in vain because I’d kill myself if I were to cause your death. Don’t worry though. I took care of that devil. You passed out before you got to the Hospital, it was so scary… I can’t put it into other words.

I waited for you. I cried, a lot. Not because I felt like it was my fault (it was definitely there though) but because I couldn’t have you dying on me. I finally just got to get closer to you, so why would someone take it away so quickly?

Is that a bad way to think?

You’re still in the hospital. I miss you. They haven’t given me any information on how you’re doing. I wish they did.

I have so much to say to you, but I’ll keep it on the inside. It’s safer that way.

I wonder, do you miss me too?’

[17]

‘Dear Aki,

You’ve been out for so long. At this point, I’ve been writing these things more than once a day. My wrist kind of hurts.

This time is different though, I visited you in the hospital! Actually, this is my second time coming to see you. It took me a lot of courage, but you probably wanted to see me, right? If not me, then probably someone other than the medical staff.

When I got there, you were on your back, staring at the ceiling. Almost as hard as I stare at you, haha…

I don’t think you noticed me at first because I don’t peg you as the type to ignore someone. So I got closer. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this before. You looked so weak. I felt so bad.

I brought you a fruit basket and a few other things… I can’t remember them. What I do remember is that you asked me to buy you another pack of cigarettes. And I remember purposefully not bringing them.

That’s what I didn’t like about Himeno, the whole getting you into cigarettes thing. They gave me a headache. I hope you stop sooner or later.

You didn’t get mad at me or even ask about them! So… I think it’s working. I wonder how long it’ll be until you get discharged.

Miss Makima made it so that during work all I had to do is paper work because I didn’t have any available buddies. It’s boring, I really miss you at work.

I stayed there until visiting hours were over. It surprised me, you told me you wanted me to stay when I was going to leave earlier. It made me feel special. Thanks for that.

Have people really not been visiting you? Or am I special in your eyes, I don’t know.

I wonder, what’s going on in your head?’

Aki’s eyes were zoned out, looking into the ceiling, he didn’t notice you came back. You smiled when you saw his face again, still as handsome as ever. You knock on the wall to get his attention. He finally looked over to see you, it looked like he was happy when he laid his eyes on you.

You sat down on the chair next to his bed as you placed the fruit basket gently on the table next to you.

“Hi Aki, are you feeling any better?” Your voice sounded sweet, you tried your best to make it that way, almost acting like Aki was some sort of stray animal that could run away at any moment.

“Kind of… what brings you here, [name]?” His voice still sounded the same, maybe a little more raspy, but that can’t be helped. He probably hasn’t spoken in awhile.

“I… I- uh. I just wanted to see you again, that’s all. Work has been a little shallow.” The room was filled with silence yet again. Maybe this was a mistake, he’s still hurt, how could you think he would be in a state for holding a conversation? “Hey Aki, there was something I was going to say that I could the last time I came to visit.”

“Yeah?” Aki turned his head to look at you fully, he didn’t look like he was struggling

“…Please don’t do that again.”

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“The whole saving me thing.” You tilted your head while shutting your eyes and leaning onto your hand, “Don’t do it. Please.”

“[name]?” He spoke, but you didn’t stop.

“If your going to get hurt, do it so I don’t think it’s my fault. I know it sounds horrible, but I just can’t stand it. I would rather die then let it happen again.” You opened your eyes again to look at him, “I know it sounds selfish, but I just won’t be able to handle it. I can barely handle what’s happening right now. I feel like I’m going insane.” You take a deep breath in after you finish

“I can’t do that, sorry.” Aki sighed and looked back up at the ceiling, no longer facing you.

“Alright then,” You stand up dreadfully, turning away to face the door, “That’s all I really wanted to say, I’m sorry for coming back so soon.”

“Wait- [name] don’t leave.” Aki’s voice echoed.

“…?” You turned back, his voice sounded weak, did something happen the second you turned your back on him? He was sitting straight now, he was looking at you

“I’ve been stuck here for too long. Please, just stay here with me for a little longer? I… I promise I won’t do it again.”

“…of course, Aki.” You sighed and sat back down next to Aki, “…I’m sorry I said that”

[22]

‘Dear Aki,

You’re finally out from that stupid hospital! I can finally spend more time with you. I feel like we’ve been getting extra closer after you left. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to lose you again? Which is true, but this just feels weirder! Maybe you’re trying hard too?

Did you notice? Today while we were on patrol together, our hands touched. Well it was barely even there, but I felt it. You didn’t react or pull away either. Maybe you just didn’t feel it? Your hands are quite rough after all, or maybe you did and you enjoyed it. That will forever be my truth.

Honestly, I’ve been feeling my memory’s slip away from me ever so often, so when I came back home I rushed to grab a piece of paper! The box isn’t dusty at all because I take such good care of it. If we were to ever get together, I promise to take extra good care of you too. Even more than I do the box.

I wonder, would you like it at all?’

[29]

‘Dear Aki,

You took me out on a date today. I’ll remember it forever. Or at least, this paper will.

I’ve been writing these things in public lately, I just can’t help myself anymore. Sometimes I scribble them out if I feel someone near me. But I guess if I numbered it and put it in the box I didn’t do it to this one.

How many times have I rewritten this note? I don’t now!—

Back to the date, the restaurant we went to was really fancy! Should I call it a date? You never really said it was one, but I think it had the same vibes as one.

I ate a salad. It didn’t cost much because you said you were paying. But still, you insisted for me to get more, which I promptly refused. Yet you ordered Almond Tofu and gave it to me. I remember Himeno talking about it before, saying it was like your favorite dessert… and you gave it to me. I’m so lucky to have you.

I really wish I could’ve paid. I felt really bad. So I’ll get you a gift for later! What would you like? Maybe some extra hair ties? A simple gift, so you wouldn’t be suspicious of me feeling anything for you. But then again, that also sounds too simple.

Ugh!! I just don’t know what to get you. I’ll have to dig deeper into you to find more and more about you! Unfortunately, the only person who I knew who had a really strong connection to you was Himeno. But you already know what happened.

Should I ask Denji? Power— NO! They’ll just blabber it out. I just know it!

So who else?

I wonder, am I the closest person to you now?

[34]

‘Dear Aki,

I fell asleep in the same car as you. We were both sitting in the back of another members car. I don’t know how long the drive was, I really do wish I was awake for the whole thing.

Last night was a doozy, I got hurt while on a mission with you. But I really didn’t want you to get worried, so I hid it from you.

When I got home I was really in a lot of pain. And then I had to fix myself up all by myself. I was to tired. Even though my bathroom and a few splotches on the floor were covered in blood, I fell asleep.

Well I tried. I stayed in bed all night. Here and there I would pop a few of the medicine I had in the cabinet, none of it helped.

I kind of wished I showed that I got hurt so that maybe you would’ve let me stay with you and you’d help me and touch me and hold me… but that probably wouldn’t have happened—

I almost forgot! The car ride! It was amazing! I feel like I slept the best sleep I’ve had in years and it’s all thanks to you! And maybe the cars vibrations, but mostly you! I felt so safe.

Though almost all I saw was pitch black, I remember waking up that I was on your shoulder. I jolted awake, I almost ripped the wound open again, but I didn’t!!!

I wonder, did you put me on your shoulder or did you just let me stay there? I hope it’s the first option, but either one’s good.

[47]

‘Dear Aki,

I’m hoping to confess to you soon. All these feelings I have can’t be put to words on useless pieces of paper anymore. I need to tell you. I need to get closer to you. I need you!!!

Still, I reviewed these letters to see what I should say when I eventually tell you. I didn’t get a lot from it other than that I’m absolutely crazy about you, but I think it jogged my ever fading memory.

I’ll write in here again on what happens after I do. If it doesn’t go well I won’t be writing any more, I’ll distance myself from you. For both of our own goods. (Is that how you say it?)

I wonder, will you feel the same?’

[48]

‘Dear Aki,

You said yes.

Still. I’ll never show you any of these notes. They’re way too embarrassing…

I wonder, if I ever showed these to you… would you understand?’

“Hey Aki, we’re gonna get off from work soon. Mind talking to me in private for a little bit?” You look up at Aki, he was smoking. You never got him to stop. You see and smell the smoke. The streets were empty and the two of you were waiting for the traffic light to switch.

“Hmm, it’s only the two of us right now. Can’t you tell me now? I have to get home quickly, y’know… because Power and Denji are-“

“Yeah I understand. Uhh…” You close your eyes as your face flushes, you tilt your head and open your eyes back up. “Okay. I like you, Aki.”

“What?”

“I mean that, I have a crush on you Aki. I’ve been having it for a long time now.”

“I-I knew what it meant I just… I guess I wanted to hear it again.” There was a light blush on Aki’s cheeks. He looks so cute… you waited for his answer.

“…do you like me back?” The seconds that passed by while you two were crossing the road felt like years. You felt your head turning away from him. It’s been so long. He probably doesn’t, you felt like you were slowly turning into ashes.

“I… I like you too.” Aki’s arm pulled you closer as you were straying away from him unintentionally.

“Y-You do??”

“Have I given you any reason for you to think otherwise?”

“Yeah! Like sixteen! Just now!” Your face was fully red, your head was pulled to his side. His arm was on the side of your shoulder. “Sorry. It’s just… been a while.”

“It’s alright, [name].”

[55]

‘Dear Aki,

I feel like after we started to ‘date’ I’ve been writing less of these letters. Probably because I’ve been telling you how I feel more often, which is good! I long for the day where I can tell you everything but that day is probably going to be years from now.

And from what I’ve heard, you don’t have a lot of time left. It was a whole miracle for you to accept the love I feel for you, how long will it take for us to do something more?

The day I told you about my feelings, I invited you to my house. Even though you told me you had to go home quickly to Power and Denji, you walked me home after work. You didn’t stay long, but it was nice, and luckily my house wasn’t a mess!

Oh— I forgot. Today. Today was crazy. Today you actually stayed at my house. Well, stay is a big word. It’s Sunday today and we actually had an official date! You said something about Denji and Power promising not to do anything.

So… today we held hands! Even though your hands looked fine, they’re actually pretty rough. We went to a cafe. This time I actually got something I wanted, just a Matcha crepe cake! You ordered the same thing, I didn’t know we were so similar!

The best thing happened to today though. Not the date, not the hand holding… we kissed. It was so best. Your mouth on mine. It was so good, you were so good.

I can’t wait to spend more time with you outside of work.

I wonder, do you do too?’

[57]

‘Dear Aki,

Things have been great. You’re great. I feel like it’s been like a week since I wrote a note. But I still have feelings. So much on my mind that I just can’t say.

Like… as I’m writing this, you’re sleeping on my bed. (I’m at the kitchen counter writing this) I can hear you snore, it’s kind of cute. We’ve been kissing so often so it’s all normal and whatever but… this time you felt more desperate.

Is that a nice thing to say? I don’t know, but I enjoyed it. Your touch is such an energy booster, but for you… I just don’t know if you feel the same. Because right after… you fell asleep and you left me here awake and needy.

You’re so much hard working than me, so I guess it’s understandable. But I just can’t fall asleep next to you. I was tossing and turning and I just got up to leave you because I thought I’d wake you up.

You’ve been staying at my place more often, I’m really grateful! Though I can’t help but wonder how Denji and Power are doing at your apartment. It scares me that they might mess up real bad and that you won’t ever come to visit me again. Maybe I should confront them about it at some point… like paying them? I dunno.

Are we at that level yet? For me to want to… uh. (I’m too embarrassed to write it out, but y’know. Like the birds and the bees.) I’m longing for you all the time, can’t you see that? Or maybe you’re just not ready.—‘

“[name]? Why’d you get up?” Aki yawned as he walked out of the bedroom

“Huh? Oh no, I just couldn’t fall asleep that’s all!” You turn your head to face him as you crumble the note in your hand

“Oh, what’s that?” Aki got closer to you, resting his head on your shoulder. You sweat and smile up at him.

“I-It’s nothing. It’s just a piece of paper I was drawing on.” You lied and prayed he didn’t pry further. He didn’t say anything about it, “I’ll try and go back to bed with you. C’mon.”

“Alright.”

You never finished that note, you still stashed it away into the secret blue box though.

[58]

‘Dear Aki,

We didn’t go to work today. You called in sick. I did too… from the same phone. That was stupid, but they probably won’t be up our ass about it. I wonder why you’re staying here for so long? Are you waiting for something to happen?

Ooh! Are you actually thinking about sex? Naughty boy. Haha, but I don’t think I’d mind.

You’re making me breakfast right now, I can smell it. I’m currently stuck i. The bedroom quickly writing this. I feel bad for leaving the other letter unfinished even though I know no one else is going to read it. So I guess I’m just relieving myself.

I can’t wait to try your cooking. It smells great.

Thanks Aki, love you.’

You shove the paper into the box under your bed right before you leave to say ‘Good Morning’ to your boyfriend. He looks, tired and depressed to say the least. Did something happen while you were asleep? He didn’t respond back until you wrapped your arms around his waist from behind. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Not at all, it’s just that I…” Aki didn’t look back at you, he looked so out of it. He turned off the stove and placed whatever he was cooking. “You know about my contract with the Future Devil, right?”

“Oh? Yeah I do, what about it?”

“I… saw something.” He sighed as he brought the plate to the kitchen table, “And it was about you.”

“…Yeah?” You start to get worried, if it was nothing unimportant than he wouldn’t be getting like this. So what was it about?

“You were dead- or, dying? I don’t know, but I keep seeing it over and over again. It’s like the Future devil just wants to torture me.” You watch as Aki slowly breaks down, it was the first time seeing someone as strong as Aki cry. You don’t know what to do, so you pat his back. “And I don’t know how much time we have, fuck, it can be in a year. All I know is that it was here in your apartment and… and I want to prevent it.”

“Well, if it’s my apartment, then maybe we should go to yours?” Aki was crying and all you could do is pay his back, your death didn’t scare you, but his reaction did.

[59]

‘Dear Aki,

You talked about my death. So we went to your apartment. It was still in the morning, so Denji and Power were still there. You were still down in the dumps so I had to distract them from eating you alive or something.

I’m writing this in the inside of a napkin. That’s fun.

You scared me, not because I was going to die, but because… you were scared. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like that. Do you really care that much about me? I guess that’s normal. If you were to die then I don’t think I’d keep living. Maybe still alive, but just an empty shell. So, I won’t die. Because I don’t want you to live like that.

I think I’ll finally write in my will. I’ve been planning to anyway. I’ll put you in it… and I guess my family and some friends. Maybe I’ll give you that box with all my notes in it. Then maybe if you read it, you’ll feel less bad for losing me. Or feel even worse. That’s bad.

What should I do?’

[61]

‘Dear Aki,

I’ve been staying at your house for a while now, and we went back to work. The past two notes I have are being kept in my pockets of my clean clothes. I barely leave your side now, which doesn’t bother me.

You’re always so frantic whenever we go back to my apartment to grab stuff. I always assure you that we’ll be fine but you never believe me. So guess what I did?

Hehe you already know, I made you relieve your stress by using me. Can you believe it? We finally fucked. It was nice. It was good. You kept crying during it though, but I didn’t have any time to comfort you, and even if I did it probably wouldn’t have worked, you just kept going. I feel bad for your roommates who had to hear all that.

After we did, I finally had some good sleep. It’s weird sleeping next to you, but I guess I can make it work.

I love you, Aki’

“Aki, my legs hurt. I don’t want to keep going for this patrol.” You whine as you tread through the streets of Tokyo. The sun was starting to set, how long have the two of you been walking?

“It’s fine— [name] get back! There’s a devil here…” Aki murmured, pulling out an arm to shield you, even though there wasn’t any visible devil out and about.

“Where is it?” You whisper as you clutch your own weapon of choice

“It’s inside the walls of that crummy looking building there. It’ll jump out, there’s more than one too. Watch out.”

Just like he said, a devil popped out from the wall of the empty building next to you. Another devil popped out, then another. They all looked the same: was it the Zombie devil again?

It didn’t matter, Aki sliced through them with his katana. So did you, again and again, the rush made it so that you couldn’t feel your legs. Then it hit you like a truck, your leg started to cramp right when more of those devils started to crawl out from the building. You yell out for Aki as he swing away at the monsters. He couldn’t hear you. It’s your fault, you should’ve been louder. Maybe you should’ve made that contract with the Claw devil when you had the opportunity. Then this outcome could have been prevented, but it wasn’t.

They didn’t bite you, so maybe they weren’t zombies. What are you thinking? You’re about to die and all you can think about is the stupid name of the devil? Isn’t your life flashing before your eyes? No, it wasn’t. You were strange, even though you were on the floor barely breathing, you could only think about for disappointing this outcome was. Was this how your story ended? Without being able to say goodbye to Aki? Without even being able to die in his arms? Only to die on the concrete floor surrounded by the stench of the devil’s corpses that surrounded you. You wished you took the day off today.

“[name]?! Where are you?” Aki’s voice boomed from your left.

You couldn’t say anything. All you could muster was a quiet plead for the devil to stop. You take back what you thought, they were biting you. Not in a zombie way, they were chewing on your flesh to heal. It felt like hell. Why didn’t they just kill you before they started to feast? You can feel your blood turning cold as it oozed out from your soon to be corpse.

“[name]?! Motherfucker-“ Aki rushed over and sliced the Devil’s head, blade nearly hitting you. There’s no way your making it out alive. “[name]?! Can you still hear me? Fuck… what did it do to you…?”

His voice was ringing in your ears, you couldn’t see anymore, you couldn’t even respond was a movement. Your eyes were already forced shut when the devil was devouring you, you couldn’t open them again.

“Fuck fuck fuck, there’s no way you’re… I never saw this future. How was I supposed to prevent this?” Aki cried as he held your bloodied body in his arms. He couldn’t do much other than to choose between calling someone and tell them you’re dead or being you to a hospital and waste their time. Aki decided to bring you to the hospital, he heard rumors that Public Safety that fiends were made from devil hunters who died on field, he didn’t want that for you. He’d rather know your body was resting forever than see it be reanimated unconsentually by another devil.

Aki cried in the hospital’s bathroom stall, even though he loved you, he still didn’t want anyone to witness him cry. You were officially pronounced dead a few minutes later. Aki did his best to contact your family in person to tell them about you, but he couldn’t find much.

Aki wasn’t surprised that he was in your will, what did surprise him was the box he received from your home.

‘Dear Aki, if you’re reading this then it means I died before you. I’m sorry for leaving you so soon, you’ll be okay, I promise. Don’t miss me too much, I have a lot of notes here all for you! Read them if you want, or preserve them. I hope they make you feel better or something like that, if you couldn’t guess already, I’m horrible with words. I’ll always have so much more to say, but I’ll just stick with this!

I love you, Aki.

-[name].’

[1]

‘Dear [name]—

I wonder how you’re doing.

-Aki.’

•••|•••|•••|•••|•••

MASTERLIST

Yours truly, 💟

49 notes · View notes

fangirlshrewt97 · 2 years

Text

Because I Knew You ...

Alright guys, I hope everyone is excited for CelebRRRation! I am pumped at the flood of new fanworks we are all going to get to indulge in.

Before that though, I had written this small one-shot that I wanted to post before the festivities were underway.

It’s a Siddhara fanfic (Siddha from ‘Acharya’ x Veera Raghava from ‘Aravinda Sametha Veera Raghava’), a ship properly developed by @ssabriel and @teddybat24

Here’s my take on a conversation early on in their acquaintance. Apologies if there are any mistakes, this was edited at 1AM...

///

Veera Raghava sat on the stone porch of his temporary home, knuckles wrapped around the edge of the porch as his legs hung over the ledge. He was absently chewing on his lip as he gazed into the distance, mind full of so many thoughts they all melted into a jumble of white noise.

"I hope you are not trying to find the answers to your life problems from the chickens." Came the soothing voice of his gracious host from behind Raghava. A few muscles he hasn't even realized had tensed loosened in his shoulders as he looked over his shoulder at the figure who came to stand next to him, looking down at him in amusement.

Raghava's lips twitched before he let his head hang between his shoulders. "I don't think they know the answer anyways." "I am not sure they'd know this was their home if there wasn't a fence around here. Not the smartest bunch of birds I've met." Siddha replied seriously. Raghava huffed a laugh.

The two men fell quiet as a breeze blew past them, sending the two simple wind chimes Siddha had hung up twirling and chiming.

“Are you any closer now than two weeks ago when you stumbled into this village? To finding your answers?” Siddha asked after a while. “Or at least, has your mind found its way through the mess?”

Raghava’s jaw tightened as he shook his head. Sighing, Siddha pressed a hand to the nearest column and crouched down, throwing his bad leg over the edge before he properly sat on the ledge. "If both your heart and your mind are muddled Raghava garu, how do you expect to find the answers you seek within yourself?"

Raghava's hands clenched, and his head sunk lower. Siddha shifted so he could learn his back against the column, keeping his bang leg hanging as the other stretched out behind Raghava.

Raghava felt a leg poke his hip, and when he looked at him, Siddha was looking at him with strange expression.

"What are you doing here Chinna? Why did you come to this village?" Siddha asked, so soft. Like he was trying to help a crying child.

Raghava had not felt closer to that description in a long while. His father used to take him on car rides whenever Raghava used to get really upset to calm him down. That would never happen anymore though would it? A familiar burn started at the edge of his eyes. Raghava rubbed at his face. "I told you already. I can’t go home. Not after what I did." Siddha interrupted him. "You told me you were able to bring an end to a feud between two villages. That in one act you were able to guarantee several hundred lives saved and several dozen families from suffering. You said you bought your family peace and relief, and you said you fell in love with a girl who made you realize change is possible if you look at it from a different perspective." Siddha shook his head. "You told me you accomplished a miracle, and rather than staying to reap the fruit you sowed, you ran away to come here to a little village lost in the woods, forfeit to the rest of the world. Hoping to make up for actions which I think you have already done twicefold." "You give me far too much credit Siddha garu." Raghava said. "It may have led to peace in the end, but I have the blood of so many in my hands. I need to atone. I need to not be there. Because if I there, there will always be a few who resent me for what I have done. And others who will resent me for not having reached the peaceful solution earlier. I-" "Atonement is not punishment Raghava. And atonement is not sought in the eyes of the gods, but in the hearts of those we have hurt." Siddha said quietly. "You have your mother and your grandmother waiting for you to come home. You have a girl you-" Raghava hit the porch ledge they were sitting on. Siddha watched him with calm eyes, rubbing at his aching leg. His face was neutral, and Raghava wished for just once to see any of the rage he felt swirling within him reflected in the other’s dark brown eyes. "Aravinda is not - I - It can't," Raghava blew out his breath. "I thought I was in love with her." Siddha raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you?" Raghava shook his head, before nodding and finally settling for hanging his head. "I love Aravinda. I love her for helping me see the world differently. I love her for going to my village and helping them see the damage our feud has cost us. I love her for putting smiles on my family's face.

Mostly love her because she is the first person outside my family who knew exactly who I was. Who saw who I was and thought I could be saved anyways. That I was capable of change. That I was worth changing from the raging beast of vengeance to someone capable of saving and deserving of grace and kindness." "But?" "Aravinda is so good Siddha garu. Kind and wise beyond her years.” Raghava said. “She would just casually drop these sentences and lines of thought that would radically alter the way you saw something.” Just like you.

Raghava had only been in Dharmastalli for 2 weeks, had stumbled across it entirely by accident. He had left in the middle of the night, having written notes to his mother and grandmother that he could not come back to their village after everything that had happened. How he hoped they would forgive him for his cowardice.

He had only told Neelambari, and that was because he needed someone to bring the car back home from the train station. The other man had tried to argue against Raghava’s departure but his mind was made up.

“Fine Raghava garu, leave if you need it. But this is your village. Your land. It has tasted your blood and called for it. It will always be calling for you. So if you are leaving to escape that, I don’t know if there is anywhere you will find it.”

The man had been right, as much as it pained Raghava. He had been running from city to town to village to hamlet and back for nearly a year now. He had travelled across the country, visited temples and monasteries and even a few lectures that were supposed to help one achieve inner peace, only to be left wanting. Until he had ran into a man who suggested he travel to the woods and look for the hidden village among the trees.

Stepping into this town, time had taken on a different meaning. The days seemed to move slow as honey, but he had blinked and already been here 2 weeks. At the house of a man who had found him deep in sleep inside the temple grounds. It had been the first sleep he had had in months that had not been haunted by his demons.

And Siddha garu had been so kind to him. Told him to stay with him, that he lived alone anyways, and that as quiet as the village was, everyone was still weary of strangers. The second night, after Siddha had made him his father’s favorite dish, Raghava had broken. He spilled his story to Siddha, already mentally calculating how he would transverse the woods back after he was inevitably asked to leave.

But instead, the man had never interrupted. And when Raghava was done, had taken the dinner away, and prepared them some simple curd rice and sent him off to sleep. In the morning, he had woken Raghava before dawn, and taken him on a hike that left them at the top of a small hill. As they had sat there watching the sun rise, Siddha had told him of his own past. Of how he knew something about being haunted by old ghosts.

In just a few days, with simple words, and simpler gestures, the man had rewritten something inside Raghava. He may not yet be fully whole, but he knew he had taken the first step, and it was because of Siddha’s kindness.

“So?” Siddha prompted.

“She is a good woman, a good person. She deserves such a partner. I thought I could be that for her. And I know I can make her happy. I could protect her. But I could never be worthy of her." "Why not?" Siddha asked. Raghava tried to will away the tears burning at the edge of his eyes. "Because my hands are still red. And my ears are ringing with the screams of the dead. Because everyone in the village looks at me like I am either Mahadev or Yamaraj. No one sees me anymore, and I can’t- I am not strong enough to shoulder everything by myself." Siddha's gaze seemed to pierce Raghava. "Chinna. Is that what you are hoping for? You think this place will clean your hands? Or keep your ghosts away? That you will find a way to hold up the entire world on your shoulders?" Raghava couldn't bear to look at him. "I just- I want peace Siddha garu. I want a life like yours. I just want to be human and live." Siddha looked away, and Raghava felt he could breathe properly again. "I used to have a peaceful life. I had a girl I was going to marry. I was on my way to spiritual freedom. And then a gun was placed in my arms and I realized there were important fights happening that I could help prevent. I didn't understand what it would cost me till too late. I survived the fight and returned home, only to discover that when I saw my reflection, I couldn't recognize that man anymore. And that's all I've been doing Raghava.

Surviving. Not living. I wake up, I eat, I exercise. I play with the village kids. I am surviving. If I drop dead tomorrow, what difference would that make? There's no one who could mourn me too deeply.”

I would. Raghava thought. I would mourn you. I have known you for so little time, but you have changed me for good and I would mourn you just as much as I mourn my father. Hearing Siddha’s story, Raghava had felt understood in an intimate way, as even Aravinda would never know. Because she might know all the theory behind the violence, but she had not been on the other side of it. Had not been the one holding the weapon.

///

Siddha was not privy to any of Raghava’s thoughts though. He continued.

“You say you want a life like me? I pray to God you don't get it. You are so young Raghava. There is so much to live for. Besides. Don't you think you are being presumptuous deciding for that young woman whether you two should get married or not?" Siddha felt...broken. But Raghava felt broken too.

Before he had found this young man asleep near one of the outer sanctums, his life had consisted of subsisting and surviving. He had been given this gift of life when so many others like him had not. He wouldn’t dare insult them by wasting it away. But he also could not bring himself to live it fully when he did not understand what it would matter.

Hearing this man- this boy’s story. Siddha’s heart ached beneath the rubble he had buried it in. So young to have known so much loss. So much violence. And unlike Siddha, Raghava had never really had a chance to not get involved. Both left broken by battles chosen for them.

Maybe… maybe if they stayed together they could be something resembling a whole person. Because he knew he had helped Raghava, had seen how the man’s face felt more peaceful with each subsequent night when he went to bed.

And he knew Raghava had helped him because he had made him laugh. Siddha could not remember the last time he had laughed properly. Maybe instead of leaving Raghava alone to his thoughts, Siddha could guide him. Be his Acharya, and teach him the lessons Siddha himself learned too late. Maybe he could help this young boy save himself.

Siddha raised his eyes to meet Raghava’s intense gaze. He forced himself not to flinch.

Raghava spoke. "You know Siddha garu, after my father died, my grandmother told me something. 'Your grandfather picked up a weapon because it was necessary. Your father did the same thing, you could call it hereditary. If you pick it up, it shows its a habit.'

I may be putting words in Aravinda's mouth but I. I have a darkness inside of me. I can break the cycle, make sure the next generation is not affected. But it's too late to save me. I've already been marked by demons."

Siddha curled his hand on top of Raghava’s, the touch grounding in its firmness. "This is Dharmastali Raghava. If you want to be saved, you'll have to rescue yourself. But first you have to accept you are worth saving."

A tear trailed down Raghava’s cheek. "And how do I know I'm worth saving?" Siddha smiled at him, his other hand going up to wipe the tear away before cradling his face. "You are alive, and there are so many who care for you. Why wouldn't you be worth saving? First though, you have to let yourself feel. And you have to let yourself cry. If you keep bottling up this poison inside you, it'll kill you."

A breeze flowed gently between the pair, rustling the trees as it wove through the branches. The two men sat looking into each other’s eyes. Into each other’s souls.

Siddha dragged himself forward, coming closer to Raghava. “I don’t know how, but I would like to help you find the answers you want. You will have to trust me though. Will you?”

Raghava nodded.

Siddha’s face turned wistful. “Then listen to me Raghava. Even if it is against your nature. Please. For me. Just let yourself grieve. You cannot escape ghosts you are holding onto.”

Raghava’s entire body seemed to tremble,shoulders shaking as his eyes turned downward, curling inward. Siddha dragged his arm to cup an elbow. “Come here.”

He pulled Raghava in, holding him across the shoulders in a position that his body would certainly punish him for. But he would pay the price a thousand times over, because Raghava started to cry. To sob and choke in turns as he held onto Siddha like he was the only thing keeping him together.

For Raghava? He was clutching at the frayed kurta of his friend as he was enveloped in arms that felt like home. He let himself cry all the tears he couldn’t at his father’s funeral. In the recesses of his heart, a spark of affection flickered to life for the man holding him.

///

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#rrr #siddhara #veera raghava x siddha #siddha x veera #aravinda sametha veera raghava #veera raghava #siddha acharya #my fic #my writing

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