#and yet people are out here trying to say well snow had a point???

[thegreatmelodrama]

It is so insanely wild to see people trying to water down or justify Snow’s actions in The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes after seeing the movie solely because he is attractive.

[runningfrom2am]

leveling the playing field VI

summary: you didn't meet the requirements for the plinth prize, only to find out that you're not just missing out on that- you're missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime. your friend wants to help, because maybe you can help each other.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 3.6k (she's long today DAMN)

tags/warnings: capitol brat!reader, maybe slightly ooc coryo, idk i tried my best. do they love each other or hate each other? who knows (we do, kind of). implications and discussion of abuse, so read with caution!! also a little bit of swearing

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a/n: omg it finally happened?? i couldn't resist anymore i had to :,)

anyway i wanted to pop in for a rare note and say thank you so so much to everyone reading this!! it means so much to me that people are enjoying this as much as i am enjoying writing it :)

so if you are and you wouldn't mind,, please reblog or leave your thoughts in the replies! it really helps me out so that way it can reach more people, and also it really helps motivate me to actually keep writing it bc i'll be reminded people want me to :).

thank you for reading this long ass authors note! and thanks for making it this far in the fic!! 

i promise it's not over yet ;) we've still got a long way to go! so hopefully i'll see y'all soon when the next part comes out !

xoxo, raye

You walked back to the academy, still too high on adrenaline to even consider sleeping at that point. By the time Coryo made it back in, it was nearly eight am. You totally understand him wanting to get a bit of extra sleep, considering the night you just had- but who knows how long he was with Dr. Gaul.

Other mentors had started to arrive before he did, and almost everyone made it clear they didn't want to speak with you. You didn't have the energy to chat anyway, you didn't want to. You're endlessly relieved when Coryo arrives, notifying you of his presence with a hand on your shoulder. You jump at this, regardless of his effort to not scare you.

The chair scrapes across the floor and you feel everyone's eyes on you at the dramatic reaction. To him, it really wasn't shocking.

"Sorry- I'm sorry." You chuckle, quickly getting up to give him his spot back.

"Have you slept?" He asks, making no effort to reclaim the desk, noticing how your hands are shaking as you motion for him to sit.

You aren't sure what the safer answer is. Yes, I slept while I was supposed to be watching over Lucy Gray? Or no, I'm still running on the two hours I got a couple of days ago? Neither is very promising, so you decide to just be honest.

"No, uh, I've been watching for Lucy Gray." You point to the screen, unable to control the trembling of your hand as you do. "I couldn't sleep if I wanted to, so I just decided to start drinking coffee a few hours ago. Might as well commit." You explain, trying to force positivity into your tone and a smile on your face.

Coryo eyes you warily. "You should go home. Get some rest."

"No! No, I'm fine." You insist. "I'm not missing it."

"Go home and sleep." He says again, sternly this time. You tend to listen to him when he's commanding so he clung to that approach, but the look in your eyes immediately makes him regret it.

You look down, then back to your seat on the bench. You take a shaky breath before locking eyes with the blonde again. You're full of impulses that contradict each other. To listen to him, to snap and tell him not to speak to you like that, or to storm out and never come back. Realistically, he is under a ridiculous amount of stress. You can't blame him for being a little commandeering. After all, it's what he is meant to do. It's what he's been raised for. "I told you. I can't."

Realization dawns on him and he stares at you for a second, eyes widening. "Right." He nods slightly, shrugging off his coat and holding it out to you. "Just go lay down on the bench." He accentuates his point by shaking the jacket.

You smile, taking it gratefully. "Thank you, Coryo."

"'Course." He nods, finally moving to sit down once you walk away. You settle down on the bench and curl up, your head resting on his bunched-up uniform jacket like it's a pillow. You're not sure you've ever been so comfortable, and you're asleep within a minute.

Coriolanus wonders if his coat will smell like raspberries when you return it.

"What's he doing?" You hear Coryo's accusatory voice before you even open your eyes. As you try and shift, adjusting to the sounds of everyone around you, you come back to reality. No wonder your neck is sore as soon as you sit up, sore from your wooden bed, with no time to really wake up before you're hit with the realization of what's happening on the screen.

"I-I don't know!" Lysistrata says, assumingly replying to him.

You're squinting at the lights as you adjust, the figures of Lucy Gray and Jessup becoming clear as he chases her in her rainbow dress out of the tunnel and across the floor, booking it toward a pile of debris that would allow her to climb up into the stands.

"What's happening?" You ask pointlessly, standing now that you see Coryo is as well.

Lysistrata looks at you, shrugging helplessly as she stands next to Coryo.

"Hey! You promised me that if I-" You start, pacing toward the girl with determination, anger burning up in your chest and in your eyes.

"Y/N/N, wait-" Coriolanus holds his hand out to stop you, effectively his attack dog, from getting any closer. From telling her off for blowing your deal. He squints closer at the screen, not saying a word, just leaving you in a limbo- unsure what to do.

As the camera zooms in on the tribute, his theory is confirmed. Jessup has a white foam surrounding his mouth, and Coryo looks at you knowingly. Had Lucy Gray poisoned him? Surely not, he was her only ally. It was too early to take him out, but maybe she didn't think that through, maybe-

"Rabies." You say, hardly above a whisper, eyes locked back on the screen now as well. "That's why the medications didn't help."

Coriolanus is relieved by this explanation, it makes so much more sense. But only knowing what's wrong doesn't help Lucy Gray, Jessup is still fully feral, chasing her up in the stands on wobbly legs as she makes her way to what is left of a concession stand.

"If she can just stay away, he won't last long in this state." Lysistrata says, looking on with sadness in her eyes. "Poor Jessup..."

"Coryo." You say, ignoring her sympathies, seeing Coryo's mind running miles a minute trying to figure out what to do. "Do you remember those posters in the war? When the rabies breakout happened?" You ask, holding onto his arm, giving him a light shake to snap him out of it. "They said that-"

You don't get to finish before he's reaching for the comunicuff. Water, of course.

"Wait." Lysistrata stops him, grabbing the arm that was reaching for the screen.

"Don't touch him! Jessup's going to die anyway! All we can do is try to keep him away- you just said that!" You fire off at her.

"I know, Y/N." She lets him go, holding her hands out defensively. "Let me do it. He's my tribute, after all."

"Lyssie... You don't have to do that." Coriolanus tells her, and you feel guilty for snapping on her like that. She was just trying to help.

"If Jessup can't win, I want it to be Lucy Gray. That's what he would want, too." She explains, stepping back to her desk, tapping away at the screen and sending in water bottles on faulty drones that are more likely to knock the tributes out and smash the bottle than successfully deliver it to their hand.

Thankfully, this is what you want. You watch quietly as Jessup is bombarded with drones programmed to seek out his features, and Lucy Gray drops behind some of the seats to avoid any flying glass or stray drones. He swings helplessly at them with a board he picked up somewhere along the chase, and you glance at Lyssie for only a second, which is long enough to pick up on the fact that she's crying. God, that's probably your fault.

He trips and falls off the stands, bones audibly cracking on impact. Everyone in the room is silent as Lucy Gray reemerges, climbing down to be at his side.

"God, please don't let him die alone..." Lysistrata whispers, hardly audible even to Coriolanus, who's stood right next to her.

"She won't." He whispers back. "It's not her style."

You swallow, drowning in your own guilt while Lucy Gray is talking to the dying boy, stroking his hair and telling him to go to sleep until his eyes lose all sense of life, chest halting. She closes his eyes gently, which cues the buzzer announcing his death.

"Lyssie..." You stop her as she stands to leave, her eyes glassy. "I'm sorry, I didn't know what you were doing."

She laughs slightly, more tears spilling from her eyes. "Y/N. I know you, okay? I get it. Don't apologize if you don't mean it." Until she finished speaking, you didn't realize her laughs were bitter. "You can't keep taking out your anger issues on everyone else. I'm sick of it, everyone is sick of it- sick of you." She says, not giving you the chance to defend yourself before she's gone. You did mean it, but it's not like she'd ever believe that. You had done this to yourself.

You straighten your shoulders, turning to face the screen again. "Lysistrata will come around." Coryo says, sensing the tension radiating off your skin like a heater.

You just slightly shake your head. "Maybe I... Maybe I should go home. Just for a bit." You say, but it comes out more as a question.

"You should stay." He states, offhandedly sending some food in for Lucy Gray before turning to face you fully. He could guess why you don't want to go home, whether or not you were explicitly told to not return until the games were done, though, he doesn't know. Either way, for him, it wasn't worth the risk.

"Actually, yeah, you're right." You sniff. "I'm just having a moment. I'll be fine." You force a smile, blinking rapidly to push back those stubborn tears that wanted to spill.

"No, no that's not what I meant. I just meant..." Coryo trails off.

"It's okay." You smile and nod. "Can I just get some air, then? I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Please. Don't rush on my account." He nods. "But don't stray too far."

"Yes sir, Mister President." You joke, giving him a lazy salute before heading for the door.

You had been gone for a while, far too long for Coriolanus's comfort. Lucy Gray retreated into the tunnels after receiving the food he sent and seeing Reaper come back into the clearing. Now, with Lucky rambling on about the weather again, he felt like he would snap.

He double-checks once more that Lucy Gray is, in fact, still hiding, before he gets up to go after you.

It doesn't take Coryo long to find you, due to him tracking down the sound of crying in the hall. No doubt in his mind it was you, but he'd never seen you cry before.

You stop at the sound of footsteps, frantically wiping your eyes and nose on your sleeve as you make an effort to stand. By then, he's in front of you.

"Don't get up." He says, crouching down in front of you. He doesn't know what to say, he doesn't know exactly why you're crying, or how to help. He wishes he did, he would do just about anything. "What do you need?"

You shake your head, forcing a smile and trying to stand anyway. Coryo stops you with a hand on your shoulder. "I-I don't.." You start, but as soon as you speak the tears start flowing again and you feel like you can't breathe.

"It's okay. Hey, you're okay." He says, pulling you into his arms, effectively onto his lap as he sits back. One thing he knows that works with you is a hug- it's all he can do while he thinks over what could be the root of your problem, or was it just that Lysistrata's comment pushed you over the edge? You were overtired, overworked, and this easily could have been the last straw.

Through your tears, you try to tell him that you're fine, but you just stutter and spit and you know you're a mess- a mortification to your family.

"I'm not sick of you, Y/N." Coryo says, rubbing your back. Feeling your hair between his fingers and trying not to tangle it or pull it by mistake. "I could never get sick of you."

It surprises him when you laugh. Of all things, a laugh. It was just so you.

His statement was more of a confession to himself than to you, and when you pull back he's scared. Was it not about that? Was he way off base, or incredibly unhelpful and somehow offended you?

You sniff, wiping your eyes again. "Thanks," You chuckle, shaking your head. "But you don't have to say that."

Coryo tilts his head, confusion knitted into his expression. "I do." He insists, able to look into your eyes now. "I have to tell you that because it's the truth."

You sigh, smiling slightly. Sadly. "You don't see it."

"See it? See what?"

You just shrug, making no attempts to move away. His hands on you, the feeling of him almost surrounding you is comforting. You want to live in it forever, but you know you can't. "Just... That I'm me, I guess." You say, voice cracking. "You're unflinching to it." You're abrasive sometimes, defensive, and some would call you an overall angry person. He doesn't see you that way, and you're not sure why. Today you were slapped in the face with the fact that your actions have consequences more serious than what your parents can make up for with money or unwritten agreements.

"What's wrong with being you?" He asks rhetorically, not giving you a chance for you to argue before he continues. "You did the right thing. They're jealous- that's all it is. None of them fight for what they want like you, they just sit around and wait for it to be handed to them on a silver platter, and you could too, but you're better than that. You're better than them. Stronger than them."

With his hands now moved up to your shoulders, he's shaking you gently, trying to get your mind to soak in what he's telling you. To believe it, because he knows he's right. The reason others avoid you is the very reason he is drawn to you- your ambition is unmatched, except, maybe, by his own.

"Do you understand, Y/N?" Coryo asks, pressing one hand to your cheek and staring deep into your eyes as if he could somehow look into your mind and grab hold of what Lysistrata said, replacing it with his vision of who you are. "You are perfect. They are fools."

Your smile had gone, ready to fight his point, but it returned by the time his rant was done, blush creeping its way across your cheeks and over your nose. "Perfect is a bit of a strong word." You speak softly. "Don't you think?"

"No. I don't." He shakes his head slightly, running his thumb across your cheek to wipe away a stray tear.

The air became thick with everything he said circulating in your head like a carousel. A relentless spinning cycle with Coryo's every word circling around itself and caging in your panic. The spinning seemed to slow after a moment, as if giving you a chance to catch your breath.

Seemingly, in your experience with him, compliments were few and far between. To others, anyway. Not that you were keeping track, but if receiving compliments from Coriolanus Snow was a race you would be winning by a mile, and that's exactly what it felt like every time.

He tilts your chin up again, the same way he had just a couple of days ago in the arena, drawing your eyes back to his. It takes every ounce of his focus to keep his hand from shaking.

Truth be told, the desperate honesty in his eyes was enough to convince you he was right. You are better than them, smarter than them, stronger than them. If Lysistrata and your other classmates chose to hate you for that, that was because of fear. You'd be lying if you tried to say it didn't make you feel better, even powerful. Coriolanus thought it was right, so how could it not be?

You smile, nodding slightly within his grasp. "You're right, aren't you?"

"Always." He validates your entire thought process just like that.

You can't help it anymore. The power of his words push you past the brink, leaning forward to meet his lips with your own. Coryo pulls you forward with his firm and gentle hold on your cheek, meeting you half way. And as he kisses you, heart pounding out of his chest, you both feel fucking invincible.

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[pbees]

Marechi!

[𝙐𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙢𝙤𝙤𝙣𝙨! 𝙓 [𝘽𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧!]

Part 1 ☆ Part 2!

WARNINGS!; future parts will contain Nsfw content!!

This part contains

Face eating //kinda//

Mention of Gore

Kidnapping by default

Need

/nēd/

require (something) because it is essential or very important

⏝︶︶⏝︶ ୨୧ ︶⏝︶︶⏝

強くて美しい

..."

You're still alive..

YOU’RE STILL ALIVE?!

Quickly sitting up you surveyed the scene. You were covered in blankets that seemed to be soiled, but you couldn't complain. There was a fire going in a chimney a little ways away from you- confirming it was a house.

This place smelled horrible.

Surveying your surroundings check! now body check.

Alright for the most part. Your lips were still sore from earlier and your throat stung. For the most part, however, you were fine, all your fingers still intact.

Then suddenly

" Eat"

Bellowed a horrible English accent from the far corner of the room making you jump out of your skin.

There sat a man with-

Six eyes and wine red hair ? I mean besides the eyes he was rather attractive and his clothes didn't do much to hide the muscles underneath. His scary appearance didn't stop you from blurting out a-

" Oh hell what am I looking at?- did

Did I actually die?"

You whined ' Of course it was too good to be true. The creature in the corner didn't enjoy what you said about what he assumed was his appearance he grunted all his eyes narrowed at you.

You gulped quickly shutting up- what did he say do 'Eat? - Where's the food? Looking around again on the floor you spotted the very uncooked meat that had been thrown on a broken plate.

"Yeah I don't think I can eat that- uhm anything else in here you....?" you swallowed your pride and gave the creature a nervous smile. He grunted again before saying what you assumed to be his name.

" It's Kokushibo" he pointed to his chest, he realized you were filling in for his name after. In your defense your Japanese wasn't the best the group translator was previously slaughtered, plus and the same could be said for Kok-ushibo.

Well, not his Japanese, but English.

That begs the question, how does he know you speak English? The group spoke French the whole time- also assuming he's the one that slaughtered them.

Okay, you had to stop too- many questions were approaching your head. Might as well try talking to the Creature again.

" Kokushibo- hmmm- do you Hafe cookied phood?" you motioned to the bleeding plate of pale meat.

Another question- what was he trying to serve you???

He replied back in English even though you were trying your best to speak in Japanese " I Do not"

"Okay, are we gonna speak English or Japanese?" You let out a nervous sigh He gave you a look before replying " English"

"Okay okay- Kokushibo was it? Uhmmm where are we?" Oh gosh the questions are back.

He pointed to the quote on quote ' Food.'

" His House"

He does murder people good good, you're so safe.

" Why am I here Kok-ush-iboo?"

"Kokushibo"

"Kokushibu"

" Gud enough"

You sighed finally deciding to get up. You haven't properly used your feet since you froze a day ago, and your clothes were soiled much like the blanket making you uncomfortable. Clearing his throat he piped up again.

" Come here-

You visibly sweat as you approached the demon. The closer you got the more imposing he looked. Those are skull-crushing hands. Better yet why we're you here talking to him you should be running away right now, but much like before you were frozen as soon as you were arm's distance from him.

Your arm distance.

Reaching his hand out he grabbed your face making you yelp. He inspected your face, not with the intent to crush it luckily- more for studying it. He was a bit taken aback by your even when he first rescued you out of the snow. He only really saved you because your appearance intrigued him. He totally thought you were a demon at first glance but a demon wouldn't beg like you had their limbs would've grown back with no trouble.

There was also the interesting case of your blood. Before you wheezed out a "please" to him he drew his finger across the small drop of blood you left on the snow it's the smell was pungent. Which made him turn your face over by then you had passed out but the blood littering your lips was still there.

Demons didn't have blood that pleased other demons. His original idea was to ask the master about it, but if He didn't know you existed Kokushibo greedily wanted to keep you to himself.

Though much didn't hide from that man.

After checking if you were still breathing he picked you up by the collar of your clothes you were

basically a freeze pop in his hands.

He has to find some way to warm you up the circulation to most of your limbs was disappearing and your heart was on its last beat. Why you were so far out in the woods puzzled him- better yet why you were still alive with such heavy traces of a demon on you.

Seeing a house horribly covered in wisteria flowers, that would do a good job at keeping lesser demons away. They must be been a demon slayer of some kind 'Oh well'.

Making quick work of the Humans inside he sat you down close to the fire they had previously burned. He ate most of the slaughter but left pieces for you on the ground.

" Are we done yet..?" you squeaked out the position was making your back hurt from being bent to suh and angel. He let go of your face and huffed.

" You must eat" He pointed to the raw human. You just gave him a distributed look " I can't eat that ma-youu" you quickly corrected yourself not sure he would enjoy being called anything but his name.

"I don't know how out of date your human book is, but we can't eat Raw food and Especialy Humans at that?" you could not stress that fact enough.

" Then we must get you food so you can stay- healthy "

"Are you trying to fatten me up?"

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing-"

He gave you the nasties glare before standing up- AND HOLY SHIT HES TALL. Maybe your death which your pretty sure actually happened opened up the part of your brain that was a pure idiot because Why aren't you running the fuck away right now?

" if you try to run away I would and could kill you" he adjusted his clothes glaring at you.

"Noted!" Now he can read my thoughts give me a damn break. Walking past you he motioned you to follow him as he made his way through who's ever house this was.

" When I walk you follow - understood?"

"I guess ?" you sighed your confusion was going to make your head explode.

He nodded, the two of you must be fast the sun would be coming up soon.

_

You tried picking up his sword twice with him scowling at you in distaste every time you fell on your ass. He wasn't sure why he's kept you alive, you're no different than any other human wel that's not entirely true actually. There was the topic of your blood, demons survived off of it but flesh also fed the hunger they always have. Your blood seemed to be gleaming when looking at you it's the first thing he smells.

He wants to taste it, but he doesn't want to scare you away- any more than he has at least. He will bring it up later after you've eaten.

It would probably taste even better than it smelled. Thinking about drinking from you made him excited.

“ I’VE GOT IT!” you finally got it off the ground by and inch before you slipped on the snow hitting your face up against the weird eyeball sword. This caused you to bust your lip with a cry. You gave up you weren't gonna attempt to pick it up again.

Sighing you finally looked at Kokushibo- expecting to see the upset scowl from before your soul left your body when you saw him drooling.

His teeth were clenched showing off his canines as he looked down at your frame. You were too afraid to move just like before hyperventilating as he approached you.

“ Ko- before you could finish he grabbed your chin, it was far bigger than your face. Pulling you closer to him you started to tear up.

He's gonna eat me oh gosh he's gonna eat me i knew it- DAMN IT I KNEW-

‘Slurp’

Huh-

He was sucking your lip.

This definitely wasn't eating you- I mean it is but not what you were expecting. He was so engrossed in the act he was ignoring the confusion radiating off you. Your hands grabbed at his Haroi pulling him closer, his teeth scraping the bottom of your lip. Finally pulling away a string of saliva still connecting him to you.

Your hands still held his haori as his hand still caged your face. All six of his eyes gave your face a once over like he didn't suck the life out of you.

“I'll get the animal myself stay here” He started walking off.

“Man, what the fuck just happened?”

____

Not to plot driven this chapter unless you conclude the fact Kokushibo thought reader was a demon☠️

Next part will be a little more spicy, in truth after a certain point I forgot what the hell I was typing a desperately tried to remember.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!

I'll typo check later :3

[hwanchaesong]

☞🍹Sixth Drink: Living in champagne and sparkles is a dream come true for anyone. But not with him, a mess in his head, won't you fix it for him? 🍸

🎧: The Weeknd - Snowchild

wc: 567

genre & warnings: angst, fluff, comfort, rich!chenle, fiancé!reader, cursing, etc etc

a/n: this is a part of The After Hours Bar series. if y'all want, you can read the other album inspired fics of other groups here.

"Are you having fun here? Alone?" you ask the man who is sitting on a kid's swing, taking the empty spot beside him and staring straight ahead.

"Not really." he answers, laughing weakly while he absentmindedly kicks a pebble on the ground.

"Then," you crane your neck to look at your beloved, "would you mind sharing with me what's in your pretty little head?"

He grins, this time a genuine one, "I'm sorry to break it out to you but my head is not little. I will accept the pretty part though."

He smiles when he hears you laugh at his joke before breaking out a sigh, gazing down at the dirt and contemplating whether to spill his problems to you or not.

He could always play it off. Tell you that he's tired because of work, but how much more can he take until he explodes?

"Lele," you reach out and hold his hand in yours, engulfing his cold ones with your warmth, "it's just me. You can be honest with me."

You're right, he did choose you as his confidant in life. There really is no point in hiding things from you.

Chenle intertwined his fingers with yours, his usual smiley expression is now devoid of any emotion.. well, one emotion— indifference.

Not towards you, but towards the people who are supposed to be his pillar when life gets tough.

"They are so shitty." he says and you wait for him to continue, "I always did whatever they wanted me to do, and when I ask them for something, they can't even do it."

He sighs, closing his eyes in resentment to calm him down.

Throughout his existence, the extravagant life and business-minded attitude have been drilled into him. He was taught to think critically, that wealth and success come first over anything else.

But he is tired from all of those, and he wants to escape.

That is why he asked them for a small favor of giving him a break, but they can't because it will hinder the plans for the company.

Fuck all that.

"What did you ask them?" you inquired, gazing at his slumped figure.

"Just a few days off." he murmurs and your heart squeezed painfully in your chest. You couldn't fully fathom how simple his request is yet they aren't able to give him that.

You were silent for a few seconds before you stood up, walking in front of him and crouching down. Your hands are now fully engulfing his, and the shiny engagement ring on your finger gleams under the dim street lamp light.

"Let's try again. I will come with you." you declared, beaming at him when he gave you a confused look.

"Y/N, it's okay. I w-"

"No, no." you shook your head. You are not going to sit down and watch your fiancé slowly rot in hell (his workplace), "We will fight for that vacation of yours together."

Chenle had a lot of good food from the Michelin star chefs and restaurants, but he never really felt the kind of full that he's experiencing now.

"Thank you, Y/N." he chuckles when you childishly stick your tongue out, acting like an adorable fool to make him laugh.

As the snow begins to fall in the middle of the city, Chenle was oddly warm, and he knows that you are the reason for it.

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[moreespressoformydepresso]

Fandom's Takes On Trauma Are Terrible And Here's Why: brought to you by terrible Coriolanus Snow and Anakin Skywalker discourse

I've been on the verge of making this post for a while now, but I kept not doing it because this might be a bit of a hot take and I don't like offending people. However, I've been growing increasingly annoyed with the perception of one specific character type so lets see how much my dumb opinions stir the pot this time ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. This will be focused mainly on my current main fandom: The Ballad Of Songbirds And Snakes, as well as Star Wars. You'll see why. Now, I need to make it clear that I'm not judging anyone for their opinions on characters for any reason. In no way am I insinuating you're a bad person for having opinions different to mine or that you’re not allowed to have them. What I am saying is that fandoms have some frustrating and frankly insulting beliefs around trauma and those who survived it, and I'm gonna talk about it because I want to get this off my chest. With that said:

Y'all don't understand how trauma works and it annoys me

As stated in the title, I'm writing this because of the Coriolanus Snow discourse, specifically regarding whether he's a good or bad person. Lets rip off the bandaid straight away: He's a bad person. There's no question about it, Snow is a vile human being. And he's one of my favorite characters because of it. He's fantastically written and hands down one of the most realistic, viscerally terrifying yet utterly pathetic villains ever. And what I hate about the TBOSAS fandom more than anything (aside from how some of them treat the actors) is the way they take away all his agency in the story. But I'll put a pin in that because I have a lot to say about him and instead start at the beginning of my growing frustration with how fandom perceives trauma (feel free to skip through this post, I'll label my sections in case you don't wanna read this whole thing). There's two sides, and both are equally stigmatized and wrong. So lets start with the more obvious one through the lens of Anakin Skywalker.

The Star Wars Fandom's Weird Relationship With Traumatized Children Behaving Like Traumatized Children

So Anakin Skywalker AKA Darth Vader is pretty explicitly a Bad Dude who's done some Bad Things. Bro committed genocide, ain't no getting around that, except... It's a little more complicated. Sure, he did all those terrible things, but a lot of people take that to mean he was always a horrible monstrous big bad in the making who was destined to become the galaxy's worst nightmare. That's missing the whole point of the prequel trilogy, because those movies essentially serve to explain all the reasons for Anakin's descent into villainy, and he had surprisingly little hand in it. Growing up into slavery means he not only has a warped view of the galaxy thanks to all the horrors he's witnessed, it also means he lacks the teachings Jedi younglings get when they grow up in the temple. He was pawned off onto Obi-Wan who had only recently been knighted and was in no way ready to raise a child, and became "friends" with Palpatine who fed him all sorts of lies to manipulate him into becoming little more than an attack dog. Not exactly ideal circumstances for a child in their formative years. Did Anakin shirk the Jedi's rules? Yes. Did he do dumb stuff? Yes. But he was a traumatized teenager, of course he's acting out. When he massacres the Tusken Raiders, it's Padme Amidala who reassures him it was the right thing to do. He felt guilty about it, so this idea that he's some apathetic monster from the second he's born is dumb. It's not that Anakin was born wrong, it's that the people around him either failed to help him go down the right path or were actively trying to push him down the wrong one. Anakin never fully grasped the Jedi's ideals, because the person meant to teach him just wasn't equipped to do so. If he'd had someone to teach him how to get a hold of his emotions, distancing himself enough from them to make the best possible decision and helping him understand the importance of letting someone go when you have to, he wouldn't have fallen to the dark side the way he did.

Anakin did terrible things, but blaming it on him just having an evil heart shows a fundamental misunderstanding of how people's environments change who they are. A life in slavery, where he was not allowed to have anything and risked losing what he held dear at any second with no control over it likely caused him to be very possessive of what he held close to his heart once he did have some control over what he kept and lost. Shmi died because he wasn't there to protect her (in his head), so he clung to the people he loved so he could save them the way he couldn't save his mother. Palpatine actively groomed him, if you think that didn't have any effect on him I don't know what to tell you. Throughout the war, he constantly lost people he was close to. That control he had slowly starts to fade as Ahsoka leaves and he starts having dreams about Padme dying. He does everything to save her, only to find out she betrayed him (in his mind, a thought quite likely influenced by PTSD as well). I can tell you that believing one of the few people you trust has betrayed you can make you act very impulsively. Anakin made an impulsive decision and regretted it for the rest of his life. He wasn't born a monster, the world turned him into one.

However, that does not excuse his actions. It explains them and spreads the blame to more people, but his actions are still his actions. Anakin separated himself from his past because of all the pain it brings him, and in doing so he did a lot of bad things. And he still needed to face consequences for those actions, even if the events that led up to them aren't necessarily on him entirely. If he'd gotten therapy, he wouldn't have choked Padme to death. Possibly he wouldn't have attacked the temple. But he didn't, and he did all those things trauma or not. I have major issues with the way some Anti-Anakin parts of the Star Wars fandom insist on ignoring or writing off his trauma, but that doesn't mean I'm absolving him of all guilt.

An explanation is not an excuse, and that sentiment brings us to the reason for this little rant:

Coriolanus Snow's defenders have a habit of infantalizing trauma survivors and I wish they would stop

Oh Snow, how your amazing character completely flew over the heads of most of your loyalest fans. I'm joking, obviously, but also... It's not exactly wrong. Now, I need to make this clear: I'm not insulting Snow fans here. I'm kind of one of them (I hate his guts but I love how he was written, it's a love hate relationship). However, the way people talk about his trauma... I'll be honest, it's kind of sickening for reasons I'll talk about later after getting through the technical(?) stuff. Where the way people view Anakin disgusts me, the way people treat Snow disturbs me. Because people view The Ballad Of Songbirds and Snakes as if it's some typical tragic villain backstory that humanizes and in some ways justifies who he became, to show what changed him from a normal person into a monster. It's not. It actually shows that Snow has always possessed the traits that made him the monster we know from the OG series. What it does is explain why specific things were so important to him and how he grew to lose all redeeming qualities, letting the worst aspects of his personality grow and take over until it's all there's left of him.

What made Snow do stuff like poison political adversaries and constantly beat down the districts so they don't rebel? A thirst for power. A thirst he's always had, born from the feelings of entitlement he held thanks to his family's previous status. He deserves that power in his mind, so he'll do anything to get it. Power, control, and influence are his driving motivators. It's at the back of his mind throughout TBOSAS, and by the time he becomes a gamemaker it's the only motivation he has left. Those traits, the things that pushed him to do what he did, they were always there. There was just more stuff to cover it up. Stuff that fell away with time. Snow is a terrible person, but people pretend he's some poor misunderstood baby who just needed a hug because... why? Because he has trauma. And that's the root of the problem. Does he have trauma? Absolutely. He survived a war, he lost his parents, struggled through poverty while being raised by propaganda from the Capitol and was arguably groomed by Gaul. Sound familiar? It's kind of like Anakin. Horrible childhood filled with loss, less than amazing figures raising him and grooming. Except people use the opposite argument for him which is equally wrong: he's traumatized, so we cannot blame him.

Yes we can.

Trauma does not justify your actions. It might explain them, but you are still accountable for your own actions. Snow murdered people, starting with Bobbin, and every single time it was his choice to do so. It doesn't matter why he made that choice, because he still did it. He ruined countless lives and ended nearly as many, both directly and indirectly. No amount of trauma justifies that. I've seen people claim he's just an anxious young boy who's a poor victim of circumstance, and anyone who doesn't believe so is simply unable to separate the actions of an 80-something-year-old from the 18-year-old, but... No. That's one of the most braindead takes I've ever heard, I'm sorry. Snow hadn't committed the crimes of his older self yet, but the behaviors he shows in TBOSAS are the ones that led him to doing so later on and ignoring that is just stupid. I don't need to judge Snow based on his later actions to call out how fucked up he was in TBOSAS. Again, he chose to murder several people and deluded himself into believing he was justified. That's what makes him a great character. Bad people always believe, on some level, that they're doing the right thing. It's fascinating. But people take his words at face value when he says he's doing the right thing, and the whole point is that he's wrong. He's lying to himself. Because that's what people do sometimes. Snow's family was knocked off its throne, and Snow clung to the idea that the districts are beneath him and at fault to cope with that. He deluded himself into believing Gaul's dumbass theory to justify continuing the games.

It's the exact opposite of Anakin Skywalker: Trauma is relevant, it does inform your perspective on the world and your actions, but it does not mean you can do no wrong. Snow had every chance to be a good person: Knocking Bobbin out or running away instead of murdering him, joining the rebellion with Sejanus, staying in district 12 with Lucy Gray and being honest with her. But he killed Bobbin. He fucked over the rebels and got Sejanus killed. He lied to Lucy Gray and destroyed any chance he had with her. Every chance he got, he threw into the fire without hesitation. Anakin leaned into being a bad person to forget the past, Snow chose to be one because it benefitted him the most. Neither of them are excused because of their trauma, their descent into villainy is simply explained. You know why? Because both of them created new victims. Snow was complicit in the murder of hundreds of children before becoming responsible for thousands more, he killed people with his own hands and ruined several lives over the course of TBOSAS. All that pain he caused isn't erased because we can explain why it happened. Even at 18, Snow has many things he should be held accountable for. War, being an empoverished orphan, being groomed, none of that nullifies the shit he's done. People who say Snow's just an anxious, young, traumatized boy are one side of the horseshoe theory of the myth of "the perfect victim". The "Anakin's Trauma Should Be Ignored Entirely" crowd are the other side. Which brings us to...

It's all horseshoe theory

To conclude the analytical part of my post, I'll bring it back to what I briefly mentioned in the intro to all of this. Agency. That's the running thread here. Both in cases like Anakin and cases like Snow, the fandom takes away all agency a character has in the story for the sake of justifying one's feelings about them. Anakin was born a monster and he was always destined to be evil. It wasn't the trauma, it wasn't the events of the story, he's just bad. On the other hand, Snow is a good person who was made to do terrible things by his trauma. It's all the trauma and nothing else. His bad childhood caused him to be this way and it has nothing to do with his own worst personality traits. See the connection? In both these instances, the characters had no influence over who they became. With Anakin, nothing could've had any influence because he's just born wrong. With Snow, it's everything around him that shaped him into who he was. Both scenarios completely ignore the character and focus on external factors to explain everything. One demonizes trauma victims by saying those that went off the rails are just bad people and there's nothing to be done about it, the other infantilizes trauma survivors by saying they shouldn't be held accountable for their actions just because they have trauma and it's only when they're older and should know better that we can bring consequences down on them.

Victims of trauma should be held accountable, though. The only thing the presence of trauma should change is what kind of accountability. Merely locking them up won't change anything, they should receive help to work through their problems while residing in a place where they cannot hurt anyone else. Including themselves. That is what acknowledging trauma is useful for. But this? This is doing nothing but stigmatizing trauma survivors even more than they already are, and I hate it. And you wanna know why I hate it? Because I've been both sides of this horseshoe, and it nearly got me killed.

The part where I talk about my Tragic Backstory(TM) to explain why this bothers me so much

This'll be a little heavy, so while I'm not gonna go into detail I advise you to please be careful. If you're not in the headspace to handle talk about actual real life mental health issues, feel free to stop reading here. I'm putting this at the end for a reason. If you really wanna know why people's perspective on Snow disturbs me but don't wanna risk getting triggered, skip to the last bold line in this post.

Without going into detail, I've dealt with some pretty big mental health issues throughout my life. One of them is PTSD, so believe me when I say I understand that trauma can heavily influence one's actions in ways even they don't understand. But I had to learn the hard way that there's a difference between explaining and excusing. I used to believe that, because of my previous experiences, I was entirely justified in doing what I was doing. Kind of. At that point, I didn't know that what I was experiencing was PTSD, but I did feel justified in my actions the same way Snow does. I explained every bad thing I did away and wrote it off as nothing or sometimes even as a good thing. Granted, I never did anything as big as committing murder, but I don't live in a country as dark and horrible as Panem so we'll chalk it up to that. As I grew older, I started to recognize the ways in which I accidentally hurt the people around me, and eventually had the realization that my past does not in fact justify the pain I was causing people entirely uninvolved in what happened to me. They had nothing to do with that, and shoving all my pain onto them the way I did was wrong. My view of myself pivoted to the other side of the horseshoe. If I'm not justified, am I... am I bad? Am I evil? Am I just born wrong?

I don't know how to explain this to anyone who hasn't gone through this themself, but that is a horrible feeling to have. To feel like you're just bad and there's nothing you can do about it... It kills something inside of you. A hope, a will to keep going and keep trying. Why bother when you cannot be fixed? I've lost the will to live at two points in my life, and that was one of them. And now I get to see both of these mentalities be repeated by dumbasses who don't understand the first thing about trauma. It's... not fun. It's grating and aggravating in a way I can't accurately bring across with just my words. It makes me wanna scream and laugh hysterically until I cry.

Here's the thing: I relate to Snow, and the way people perceive him disturbs me on a visceral level.

As I said, I justified my own bad behavior the same way he does. I convinced myself I was a blameless poor victim who had no hand in their actions. But just like Snow, I did. Not nearly as much as I would have liked, but I did. I learned to control the defensive mechanisms my trauma gave me, and I grew from it. Seeing people defending Snow with the same arguments that kept me from ever getting over what happened to me, crying out that he's just traumatized so none of it's his fault... it disturbs me. Because they're outsiders who should be able to see the pain he caused others and realize that nothing changes the fact that he did that. But they don't. They're me, without any of the personal stakes that kept me trapped in my own delusions. It's all just fiction, and I know that, but it hits just a little too close to home for my comfort. It's a little too raw and a little too real for me to just let it go and move on again like I always do.

I'm sorry for the rant, I didn't mean to make this post this long but I guess I hope you find something of interest in here that made it worth reading? Have a nice day 💜

[alice-angel12x]

Death is always around the corner

Jamil + Death!Reader

Riddle, Leona, Azul, Jamil, Vil, Idia, Malleus

Masterlist

This is currently a slippery one. Death sighed as they flipped through Jamil's book. A servant who wished to be more than he is, to be number one.

This was certainly a tricky situation.

Winter had finally come to NRC, and it was Y/n job to use their magic to cover the land in snow as they put the plants and earth to rest.

As they did, y/n watched as the students gather in the mirror chamber, ready to head home. All the while Y/n watched from a distance, though this didn't go unnoticed by some people.

"Getting cold feet?" Leona yawned.

"They don't say it, but I know they don't want me near," Y/n answered simply.

"So you not gonna see your friends off?" Leona asked as he leaned again a nearby pillar.

"Friends?" Y/n asked with a surprised and confused expression.

"Do you not consider those first years you hang out with as friends?" Leona asked.

"I let them decide what I am to them. And I've never heard them address me as such. They only come to me when they need something from me," Y/n said simply.

Leona didn't know how to react to this. A part of him was happy that they are unaffected by this fact, while another part of him was not. Surely Aduece had more respect than that.

"Than I shall have a talk with them when the break is over," said Riddle as he suddenly appeared.

"Ah, hello Riddle. Not too enthusiastic about returning home I assume," Y/n said as they turned to face Riddle.

"Yeah, I want to try talking a little with Mother, too… Though, I’m not sure if she’s going to listen," Riddle said nervesly.

"Good for you Riddle. Though some words for you, even if things don't turn out well. At the end of the day, it is your life to write not hers. And when you become an independent adult she has no control over you," Y/n said with a soft smile.

"Thanks," Riddle nodded as he turned to leave.

Only for him to quickly turn back and hug Y/n tightly. Death froze as they felt arms wrap around their torso. Never feeling mortals affectionate touch before, they froze. Only managing to pat the boy's head.

Riddle had to let go of Y/n, cause they felt as cold as ice. But Y/n did see off Leona and Riddle, while Azul and the twins' stayed for it was too cold at home.

While Grimm took care of the fireplace, Y/n tracked down the next target. which was not hard since Grim was already inside Jamil's trap.

Y/n simply watched from the shadow, as Grim indulged in the food, till Kalim showed up. And Y/n would have stayed hidden if Grim had kept his mouth shut.

"W-when did you get here?" Jamil asked as Y/n stepped into the light.

"I was wondering where Grim ran off to this time. Since it's his job to keep the fireplaces going, and low and behold he is not doing his work," Y/n said as they glared slightly at the cat.

"Wha- I was hungry. And I was invited unlike you," Grim glared. "And you just killed the party atmosphere."

The vibe was indeed soured, as the music stopped and everyone seemed nervous in their presence. Even if the students weren't sure why.

Even Jamil could sense something was off about this student. Every possible instinct in the student's body was telling them to run. All except Kalim, who was either too oblivious to the change in vibe, or simply his heart was too big. Invited Y/n to the party.

Y/n Was thankful that there are a few humans like Kalim, who could somehow get past their cures and smile at them. Yet They couldn't help but feel sorry for the ball of sunshine.

For he naively believed that is always safe from harm, cause his "loyal friend" Jamil was always by his side. Sadly Jamil did not share that sentiment.

So Y/n watched as Jamil used his powers on Kalim to ruin the boys standing with his dormmates. Forcing the boys to walk through the scorching desert, and train to point of breaking.

____________________________

One day on one of these desert walks, Jamil kept a tighter grip on Kalim with his magic. Making Kalim seem cruel by with holding water from them.

" It’s okay, I knew this would happen, so I packed some water. Go get them from the camels and share with everyone," Jamil said as started handing out water.

"Thank you very much. Ah… It would’ve been better if Jamil-senpai was our Prefect-" "Stop spouting such nonsense. What will you do if Kalim heard you?" Jamil cut the boy off.

Jamil filled one more bottle of water and slowly walked over to Y/n. Who was standing behind the crowd, and just looking around at the desert. Steeling his nerves he slowly approached Y/n in hopes of earning another ally to overthrow Kalim.

"Y/n, have some water you must be thirsty," Jamil offered, but Y/n didn't even turn to acknowledge him.

"I do not require water. Give it to grim, he could use some extra water," Y/n said simply as they stared blankly at the dried-up oasis.

"It's been two days and not once Have I seen you eat or drink anything. You can't keep abusing your body like this," Jamil pushed.

"Wow, You almost sound like you actually care for my well-being," Y/n said as they turned their head slightly. "But I know this is only an act."

Jamil's heart began to race as Y/n's red irises bore into his own, practically staring into his soul.

_____________________________________________________

Jamil had to rethink his approach to this strange student Y/n. Maybe he would have to convince them to why. Yet they saw right through his lies and refused to help.

Jamil panicked, for he feared Y/n will be his undoing. So he started spreading rumors that the ramshackle students were in cahoots with Kalim.

With the student's pent-up anger and frustration, they began to take it out on Grim and Y/n. But whenever the students try to gang up on grim, Y/n would always steps in before anything could be done.

Y/n knew things were getting out of hand, so Y/n implanted a thought into grim. Just dig your way out, and get to the treasury, there is something there to help.

"That's a great idea, me," Grim said to himself as he did just that and escaped Scarabia. Jamil having enough of this and decide to Magically "lock" Y/n in their room.

The enchantment made the room invisible to everyone but him, yet Y/n didn't really react. But simply smiled and laughed at Jamil's scrambling.

Even when Jamil thought he was still in control of the situation, his sleep has been horribly affected. Night terrors, and seeing Y/n in places they most certainly are not.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

As Jamil was cooking in the Kitchen, he heard something. he turned as he held the knife, only to see no one around. And It seemed that the spoon had simply. When he bent done to pick up the spoon, in the reflection was a pair of 2 red eyes glaring at him.

The boy gasped as he took a swing with his knife only to find he was still the only one in the kitchen. Jamil's heart was pounding as he heard an Eerie whistle fill his ear. He couldn't pinpoint where it was coming from.

The stove suddenly turned all the way and the fire quickly burned the food Jamil was cooking. The boy used water magic on the fire and once out, immediately left the kitchen.

As he navigated the dorm, with only the moonlight lighting his way. But the whistle still followed. Shadows that looked like a certain person stalked him throughout the halls. He could feel a hand grab at him, but nobody was there. He felt it around his neck as he felt a slowly tightening squeeze.

"Is it worth it? Snake?" Y/n's whispered in his ear. A cold breath blew against the shell of his ear.

Jamil was slowly finding it hard to breathe, as he put his hand over his neck. He started to grow weak as he was only getting enough breath to stay bearly conscious.

"Jamil?" A familiar called.

Jamil turned to see Kalim with a very worried expression on his face. Not even asking Kalim quickly helped Jamil, and escorted him back to his room.

But as they did, in the corner of his eye, he could have sworn. He saw Y/n staring at him, as a king cobra slithered out from their hood.

_____________________________________________________________

Things did not get easier when Octinvinalle began to interfere. And Eventually, he was exposed. He was finally pushed over. He came too far and his wish was just out of reach. so the ink took over.

So he sent Kalim, Azul, the Twins, and Grim flying over the horizon. In his crazed state, wished to rub his victory in Y/n's face. He went to the locked room, only to find it empty. The whistle began to haunt him again.

Jamil shouted and cursed Y/n, telling them that he has won. And that they were too late. But from a pillar high above him, Y/n watched with a downcast expression.

But after some time, Grim and the others took down the blot.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Jamil opened his eyes, and he found himself at a banquette mat. It was covered with a king-worthy feast. The boy had no idea how or why he was here in this strange and dark place.

"I called you here," Y/n said as they emerged from the dark and took a seat across from Jamil.

"What are you doing here Y/n? And where am I?" Jamil asked

"We are in the space between esse and quietus. A realm ruled by Life and myself," Y/n answered.

"S-so your... Death itself," Jamil said slowly as his eyes widened.

"Smart boy, you've always been very talented," Y/n smiled as they poured Jamil a drink.

"Are you trying to torture me?" Jamil asked as he eyed the food and drinks suspiciously.

"If I wanted to end your life, I would have just reaped it when you overbloted," Y/n said simply. " I Do not relish in Suffering. So no I am not torturing you."

"So then why are you holding me here?" Jamil asked.

"To give you some advice," Y/n said simply.

"Death giving life advice, that's rich," Jamil sighed.

"Says the guy who spent all this time an effort to be dorm leader. To prove that he is #1 and the best. When in the eyes of the world such a thing doesn't matter to them. And by the way, Kalim's never asked for Kalim to be dorm Leader," Y/n said.

"They simply wished that he be in the same dorm as his loyal servant. Crowley decided to put Kalim in that position as thanks for the donation," Y/n continued.

"Every one of them kept saying the same thing. “I’m sure you’ll understand,” they say. So… Who will be there to understand me?" Jamil asked with frustration.

"Your right, it is unfair. It's unfair that you have to hide your talents for fear of what the master may think," Y/n agreed, causing Jamil to look up in shock. "But you made a fatal mistake."

"And what would that be?" Jamil asked.

"You made enemies with the person who could have helped you. Kalim," Y/n said, causing Jamil to scoff and roll his eyes. "Alright, then explain to me this. Why do your parents fear their master so much?"

"It's because of Asim's pride. Kalim's father hates the thought of someone being brighter than him or his bloodline. Is this how would describe Kalim?" Y/n continue.

"No, of course not he'd... He would," Jamil said slowly, understanding what Y/n is trying to say. " Just talk to him about it. He would have understood."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Y/n explained that asking for help, or communicating an issue or problem does not make you any lesser than. But to make sure who you know your talking too

For not all humans are truest pure-hearted. So be carful of who you trust.

Y/n knew that Jamil has a long ways to go to not only achieve his dream. But to grow to be a better version of himself.

[xcaptain-winterx]

Apricity

dad!Lloyd Hansen x sunshine!reader

summary: Lloyd finds himself getting jealous once he realizes what he’s feeling

warnings: fluff, talk of NSFW 18+, Lloyd, possessiveness, rape, drugs, manipulation, obsessive behavior, denial, acceptance

a/n: English is not my first language, meaning you will probably find a lot of misspelling etc.. This is when they both were in Harvard, so way before having LJ. This is the first time we get to see a bit more of Sunshines side of the story

Main Masterlist Daddy Sociopath Masterlist

The air is cold outside, freezing Lloyd’s breath as he walks across the campus. The ground is covered in thick snow, but luckily enough people already walked through it, so it’s pretty much already stamped away. Otherwise, Lloyd would have chosen another way.

Lloyd is making his way to his next class while side eyeing the other students who are already in the Christmas spirit. It’s the first of the December and they are already wearing Christmas sweaters and are talking about how they are so excited to see their families.

He hates the holidays. Blame it on his childhood, but singing song together, going to church and faking happiness when you get some shit from your parents that you didn’t want for Christmas isn’t a thing he likes.

He hates it even more because it’s during winter and he despises that season. Like right now, he’s freezing his ass off. He would like to wear a nice polo shirt, but he can’t. He’s ok with Autumn because it isn’t that cold there yet. Lloyd gets to wear a nice sweater and a thin jacket and that’s it. During winter, he would have to wear the thickest jacket possible, which would make him look like a fucking marshmallow.

He rather freeze than look like a fucking sugar bomb.

“Hey, Moonlight”

Lloyd turns his head to see that you are walking towards him with a smile on your face. You look like a ray of sunshine as you walk towards him. The sun is shining behind you, making you look like an angel send from heaven just for him. He swears his knees almost give in as you then smile at him.

“Hello, there Sunshine” he says, facing you with his fuckboy smile. Lloyd takes in your scent as you stand in front of. If he could describe what heaven probably smells like, he would say it’s you. He quickly breaks out of his trance, trying to act unfazed by your presence. “What brings you here?”.

There was a time where Lloyd was better at talking to girls.

Though he never had a crush on-

“Can’t I just say hi to my favorite law student?” you ask, giving him a teasing smile. Lloyd continues his walk with you walking next to him, while trying to hide his blush.

“Aww I’m your favorite” he teases back.

“Of course. After all, you spend time with me in the library”.

Lloyd thinks back to the day. He thinks a lot about that day actually, and how much he hates Carmichael for showing up at the library.

“No no no, I got forced to spend time with you. The weather decided to be a bitch” he explains.

“Oh, you poor boy” you laugh at his answer, making him chuckle too.

“I’m not a boy, Sunshine. I’m a man. My dick is the living proof of that” he states, pointing towards his crotch. He turns his head towards you as you interrupt in laughter, throwing your head back. Lloyd ignores everything around the both of you and just watches you being happy.

His Sunshine

“Well, for all I know, you could be lying” you respond with a teasing raised brow.

Lloyd bites his lip, thinking of what your reaction would be of seeing his dick. Of seeing him naked in all his glory. He imagines how he would show you. At another frat party? In the football locker room? In your bedroom? In his bedroom? The options are endless, but the thought of him naked in your or his bedroom does something to him. You would be his first to see his room. He never has a girl in his room because he doesn’t want some dirty ass whore liquids on his experience bedsheets. Lloyd has sex with them on his friend’s beds.

He would break this rule for you, though. He would make so many exceptions for you.

Lloyd imagines what you would think when you see him naked. Would you be impressed or perhaps even turned on?

You wouldn’t be disappointed in what you would see. Definitely not. Lloyd knows that he’s massive, so he shouldn’t worry what you would think.

He does, though.

What if you think he’s….small?

What if you’ve seen bigger and better?

Lloyd just keeps telling himself that this wouldn’t happen. All he knows, you could still be a virgin by the way you act and dress. Perhaps you are. Perhaps you never had a boyfriend or someone you trusted enough to take your virginity. Perhaps you need a strong man to take care of you.

Lloyd’s pants start tightening at the thought of being the one who takes your virginity. To be the one to slowly break your walls and lead you through the process of pain and pleasure until you are a mess under him, begging for more. The thought of being the first to touch you, feel you, bring you to your high is making him feel something he never felt before. He knows he’s good at what he does, so he knows he would give you the best experience, how no one else ever could.

The more Lloyd’s mind wanders around this, the more he thinks about you, specifically you, naked.

He imagines what your curves look like under your clothes. How your boobs must feel in his hand. How your stretch marks decorate your soft skin, like an expensive necklace. Where your skin is covered in beauty marks. How your pussy looks, but not in a bad way. He doesn’t mean that your pussy could look unpleasant, he just wants to know what beauty lays under your panties. Lloyd wants to know all the ways he needs to touch you to make you a crying mess.

He imagines how you must look like touching you yourself at night with your little fingers, trying to bring yourself to your release. How you desperately try to give yourself the pleasure no one else is giving you. The sounds you make while you are doing it. Are you quiet? Are you loud? Do you moan or let out soft gasps or murmurs? Do you sometimes hump your pillow or even ride it? What are the things that turn you on?

Lloyd has no clue what could turn you on. Perhaps older men who know what they are doing or guys with the same interest who share the same passion about the Vincent ven Google guy. Just the thought of you liking anyone else than him, makes Lloyd’s blood boil.

“I wanted to congratulate you for winning against Yale yesterday” you say, breaking the silence that’s been going on for a minute now without Lloyd noticing. You reach into your bag and pull out a small container covered in small paint splashes. “Here, for your hard work”.

Lloyd quickly hides his growing boner behind his coat before he takes the container and looks at it, confused. He raises a brow as he studies the container. “What’s that?” he asks, even though his first instinct was to tease you about watching him play.

“A container”.

“No shit, Sherlock. I see that it’s a container” he says, putting on his jerk facade again. “I mean why”.

“As I said, you are my favorite law student and the only one who plays football too and is good at it”.

Lloyd almost blushes, but just almost.

“How many law students are your friends?” he asks, slowly opening the lid.

“Just one” you answer and watch him as he opens it. He stares at the content in the container before looking at you.

“Brownies?” he expected something….different. “I thought in there were condoms. I’m low on them”.

You roll your eyes at him. “Remember what we had when we first met?”

“Sexual tension” Lloyd answers without thinking. As he realizes what he said, he quickly looks up at you from the brownies, scared that you realized what you said, but to his luck, you just continue.

“We had some special brownies, so because of your win, I made you some” you say excitingly.

You noticed what Lloyd said and you are trying your best not to blush at what he said. Since that night where you just wanted to have some peace alone outside and didn’t expect a typical frat boy to join you, you spend every second remembering this event. You remember smelling his expensive cologne and his soft sweater against your arm. You remember how your face heat up when he leaned over you and the butterflies you felt when you looked into those blue eyes of his. Oh, his eyes. The eyes that have been haunting you ever since. You never seen such beautiful eyes. During the years you’ve painted hundreds of blue eyes, but never one’s like his. Since meeting Lloyd, you did more than just that one sketch of him. There are so many of him in your book, created whenever his face filled your mind to the brim. Whenever you felt the butterflies take over and your face heat up again.

You could say you have a small crush on him.

Hell, you didn’t even care that he ruined your favorite self made pastel purple cardigan.

Lloyd smiles as he sees that there are a dozen brownies in that small container of yours. He closes the lid before giving you a small smile. Lloyd thinks about what he’s going to say. He could say ‘thank you’ and take the chance to kiss your cheek.

Should he make a move?

“Where did you get them, Sunshine” he asks instead. He would never admit it, but he got scared.

You try not to let your smile fall at that. He’s allowed to ask that, but deep down you wished he would have thanked you or said that he likes it. “I got the weed from TJ and then started baking”.

“You buy the stuff from the Junior drug guy?”

“Yes, he’s nice and often sells me the stuff for only have the price” you say happily with a smile on your face. You like TJ.

Lloyd’s heart beams as he feels the warmth of your happiness. His face doesn’t show that though, because all he can think of is Thomas liking you.

“You should be careful, Sunshine. Thomas sold some of my friends some stuff that got them to the hospital. Oh, and he took advantage of some girls in which he gave them stuff that made them completely dazed. Once in that condition he lead them somewhere where he then…you know” Lloyd says sympathetically, giving you a pained look.

Of course he’s lying, but he can’t let you go near TJ again if that guy actually likes you. Lloyd knows that TJ never sells stuff for only have the price and that can only mean one thing.

“What?”

“Yeah, I know, but don’t worry, my friends and I gave him a good beating for that” Lloyd assures you, lying like the devil. “Please, don’t go near him again. Please, Sunshine”.

“I…I think that…ok” you say after some seconds.

“Now you could’ve picked a nicer container, you know. This one is not clean” Lloyd interrupts your thoughts of TJ and holds up the container.

“You don’t like the paint stains on my container?”

“That you gave ME” Lloyd throws back, pulling the container to his chest. You chuckle at how pouty he suddenly got.

“Oh come here, you big baby” you say and don’t give Lloyd a chance to talk back again as you take the container away from him.

“Sneaky, Sunshine” Lloyd murmurs as you manage to get the container from the football player. He’s normally faster than anyone else.

Lloyd watches you as you get out some pens from god knows where and start to draw something on the container. He tries to see what you are drawing, but a quick ‘don’t look’ from you makes him look away.

“Ok, here you go” you say after two minutes and give him the container back. Lloyd takes it and smiles at you. He loves how you do things extra for him.

His gaze wanders down, and his eyes immediately widen as he sees what you did. You expanded the paint splatters and made a sun and moon. Not only the sun and moon but also the sky to each one. The upper half is decorated with dark blue and purple lines. In the corner you have the moon and around it small stars. The lower half has orange and yellow lines. The sun is colored in a different yellow, making it stand out from the yellow lines. It doesn’t take Lloyd a second to realize that the lines are a reference to ven Googles Art Style.

“Wow” that’s the only thing that Lloyd manages to say. Everything you gave and did for him is more than anyone has ever done. You are his first. Maybe not his first in means of sex, but you are his first in true kindness.

“Do you like it?” you ask hopefully.

Lloyd’s expression is softer than ever before as he looks into your beautiful eyes.

“I like it…thank you, Sunshine” he says and reaches for your hand. He waits for you to give in and reach for his hand to which you do. Your pinkies lock together, like how they did in the library.

You smile when you hear Lloyd likes it. As he looks at you, he realizes that the sun could never shine as bright as you do. You don’t need the sun to shine.

“I need to get going. My class will start soon and I can’t be late” you say, removing your pinkie from his cold finger. Both of you don’t want this moment to end, but sadly, it has to. “See you” you say before walking away towards your next class. Lloyd watches as you walk away, his eyes following every step you take.

Everything that happened so far, everything that he felt so far, made him realize one thing.

You are his

[toomanythoughts4myhead]

Pairings: ???!Coriolanus Snow x fem!scientists!reader

Warnings: blood, death, kinda dismemberment, tall of death, gore, Dr Gaul, mutated animal (nothing is too graphic)

Six feet bellow (preview)

Coriolanus Snow was a smart talented man, a gem amongst his peers - both in academic and personal performance.

Simply his name carried weight with it and it continued to linger in the empty classrooms of the Acadmy or even amongst the Capitols Citadel.

Coriolanus Snow was a never ending whisper, a legend with no face or form to match.

A ghost of his own that haunts any and all facilities his presence graced. Some say he went off to the districts to follow in his father's footsteps, some say he was killed or threatened to leave after his supposed win in the 10th Hunger games, but that's just a theory.

No one had seen that year air, people aren't even sure it happened at this point. You sure don't care much about it.

How couldnyou have known you would be the one to find out? And more importantly how could you cope with what he had become from your hands?

It's been almost seven years since then and the Hunger games were in their full swing as of now.

You hear the name of Coriolanus Snow often, funnily enough people compare you to him. With your excellent grades and mostly the liking that Dr Gaul had taken to you through your second year of the Academy, some people pointed out the similarities. You'd heard of the name before that, mostly seen it in greathalls or even engraved on a marble stone amongst the other students who were top of the class before and after him.

It isn't until Dr Gaul herself mentions him in one of your meetings, your activities after your university classes finish usually consist of long talks and even studies and experiments. As an official part of her scientists team and a prodigy in her DNA modifion studies you were no Saint.

You were born tainted, by your parents and their own blood soaked riches and even by your own choices. You picked this path for yourself, as unconventional as it it was for one of the heirs of the richest bloodlines to be a scientists. Yet here you were, you can sya that you are decently respected and mostly a mysterious figure in the frivolous antics of the Capitol.

Which is why it surprised you when Dr Gaul compared you to her old student Coriolanus Snow, the swift and ever charming golden boy of the Cademy frok almost a decade ago. You couldn't see her expression as she played with a mutated white rabbit who's long, now purple tongue scraped the bottom of its enclosure. Her tone didn't change but you haven't seen her weaver before.

Well until now, or maybe it was a figment of your own tired mind. She seemed almost tired and her usually plank straight posture seemed more relaxed, dare you say human.

"You remind me of someone i knew long ago - someone who failed me long ago, Miss Beaumont."

You raise an eyebrow but your expression is half hidden by the mask that keeps all chemicals in the laboratory breathable. You don't try to interrupt, especially after working with Dr Gaul long enough to know her drama prone nature. It also didn't rub you the right way to hear unreasoned remark, your work was pristine and your loyalty hadn't wavered. But Dr Gaul should know that after all these years with you by her side.

You hope your eyes don't twitch as Dr Gaul continues.

"But i do like you, child. You have your head on your shoulders, dont let me be wrong about you. I do hate being wrong"

The sickening squelch and the swift snap of the pair of scissors that cut off the rabbits tongue, followed by its screeches ring out and fill the deafening silence of the room. Your gaze doesn't weaver even as Dr Gaul makes her exit and leaves you to clean up her mess.

You didn't likenit when she got like this, her thirst for blood and odd sadistic desires were nothing new but when she started to talk in riddles things were usually on their way to become "interesting".

As you put the rabbits suffering to an end with a precise cut you can feel your determination surging. Whatever test Dr Gaul has undoubtedly decided to throw at you, you will concur. You are in way too deep, your hands were red with more than this rabbits blood.

[padfootagain]

Something Good (XXIV)

Chapter 24 : Crying

Hello! Here is a new chapter for my Ben Barnes series!

My apologies for the angst of these two chapters… but not everything can go well!

Hope you like it, tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Ben Barnes x fem!Reader

Warnings: Fluff, angst, Slow burn, professor AU.!

Summary: Coming out of a divorce and trying to get used to being a single mom, while teaching your classes at University, you thought your life could not get more complicated than it already is. But when you are asked to take care of the theatre club with the colleague that you really can’t get along with, you realize that everything can still get ten times more complicated in your life. And when you start actually liking Professor Barnes, the troubles only grow exponentially…

Word Count: 2327

Masterlist for the series – Ben Barnes’ Masterlist – Main Masterlist

Daniel looked up from his music sheet and blinked a couple of times, which only made you laugh.

Ben was being obvious again. It was a miracle that he had not called you ‘darling’ yet, you had noticed the way it had almost slipped a couple of times, but he had managed to hold it back. Still, with physical touch as his love language, it was difficult to be in the same room as you without touching you. And being seated next to you for an hour and not being able to reach out was actual torture.

Ben was glancing over at your hand so much, people were starting to notice, like Daniel over there, sitting opposite you. He noticed as well the way Ben tightened his hold on his pen to refrain his urge to simply reach out and touch you. You moved your hand away, earning a blush from Ben as he seemed to notice his own behaviour. And Daniel refrained a laugh.

God, this was a disaster… you would never be able to hide your relationship at work, this was terrible…

“So, how are we handling ‘Roxanne’?” Nathaniel asked, and it was your turn to notice how obvious he and Daniel were at stealing glances.

You couldn’t help but draw the comparison between you and Ben. Was that really how you were together?

There was a lot to be discussed, as always at the end of a session for the theatre club. February had arrived, and with its snow and bitter cold came the realisation that a good chunk of the year had passed already. And you had a lot left to do.

Roberta and Giselle, especially, seemed to start getting stressed because of the timelines to be met. You had started planning repetitions with the choir and the band affiliated to the university, and you were all anxious to make them all waste their time on your behalf.

“Don’t worry, we’ll be ready!” you reassured the group, but Ben didn’t say a thing.

“Ben doesn’t seem to agree.”

“We’ll have to be fine. Besides, these are rehearsals. Rehearsals are here so that we can all make a lot of mistakes while no one is watching.”

Despite his soft words, you could recognise a tinge of worry.

“That’s because he’s the pessimist in this team, and his job is to worry about every tiny thing that could possibly go wrong, while the rest of us have fun!” you answered in a grin, making everyone laugh, the air clearing again.

“Someone has to be responsible in this bunch…” Ben mumbled in faked annoyance, and you couldn’t help the tenderness that softened your gaze.

“A true worrier. Overthinker and too organized for his own good.”

“At least, I’m not a tidal wave of pure chaos.”

“The rules of physics have proclaimed that chaos always grows, no matter what you do. I’ve simply decided to stop fighting and go with the flow,” you fought back playfully, adding a hand-gesture to mark your point.

He was the first to break, unable to refrain a chuckle any longer, and you soon joined him.

“Well, as long as you stop messing my own stuff…”

You raised some surprised eyebrows.

“I do beg your pardon?”

“We should stop making our meetings for the club in my office, you always mess up my desk.”

You rolled your eyes, although a playful smile was tugging at your lips.

“Oh, poor Ben. I’ve displaced your red pen from its designated spot.”

It was his time to roll his eyes, but he bit his tongue and didn’t reply. You wondered why.

You planned out the rest of the month, giving everyone their goals and missions for the upcoming weeks. All the songs were integrated in the structure of the play now, but a few scenes needed to be rewritten, and you had not clearly worked on placement on stage yet, at least not for all of the songs or scenes. Costumes, decors, instrumentals… all of this was still to be planned too.

A lot of work to be accomplished, and yet, the students were still thrilled by the whole adventure. If they were sometimes worried, they were still highly motivated, and as soon as they got to play, they were excited and happy. It was a relief to find them all so enthusiastic still, you reckoned that you would have struggled with such a workload if it weren’t for the fun you were having with the group. And the fact that your boyfriend was participating didn’t hurt either.

As your students hurried outside the room to join their classes for the afternoon, Ben and you lingered for a while, finishing up planning and re-reading some scenes to make sure the dialogues were good to go. And as you were alone, Ben could finally reach for you and hold your hand in his. You couldn’t refrain a smile as he did.

“Okay! Done!” he proclaimed, closing his laptop and rubbing the edge of his nose. “I’m not working on that for the rest of the week.”

“Do you think we’ll be ready for May?”

He heaved a worried sigh.

“I don’t know, to be honest. It’s much harder than a regular play. But… as I’m the pessimistic one in this relationship…”

You giggled, leaning against his arm.

“You truly are!”

“A worrier, that’s what I am,” he nodded, but his voice lacked the playfulness it had harboured seconds ago, and you frowned at the sound.

“Hey… we’re in this together. It’ll be just fine…”

“Yeah… no… that’s…” he heaved a heavy sigh before speaking once more. “I’m not worried about the club. Not too much, at least. I’m… I’m worried about Saturday.”

“Oh…”

You looked down, averting your eyes, but you rested your head on his shoulder all the same, your thumb tracing a line across his knuckles. You had decided to tell Sally about the two of you this weekend. You would have been lying if you had pretended not to be worried about her reaction. Although there was no reason for her not to take the news well. After all, she loved Ben.

“I’m sure Sally will be happy about it,” you reassured him.

But Ben shrugged.

“I don’t know… It’s one thing that I spend time with the two of you, it’s another that I date her mother.”

“She’s young, she doesn’t really understand all this.”

“Perhaps you’re right.”

You waited patiently for him to speak again, feeling that he had more to say, but he needed time to choose the right words.

“I just… I know that you will always choose Sally. And I’m not complaining about it, that’s perfectly normal, she’s your daughter. But I… I’m afraid this will have to end if Sally doesn’t give me a chance.”

You tightened your hold on his hand without noticing.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Ben nodded, deciding to change the subject, even though it was still obvious that he wasn’t convinced.

“Anyway, a coffee before going back to work, darling?”

You nodded enthusiastically.

“Let’s go to my office, I don’t feel like being interrupted by another colleague,” Ben proposed, and you nodded, but also remembered his strange reaction from your teasing earlier on.

“Ben? You weren’t upset when I teased you about being organised, right?” you asked as you stood up from your chair, and Ben picked up his laptop, tugging it under his arm as he stood as well. “You know it wasn’t meant as a critic, I was just joking around…”

“Of course, darling! I’m not that susceptible.”

“I don’t know you… you stopped yourself when you were about to say something.”

But he turned to you then, right before reaching the closed door, and a devilish grin informed you that he wasn’t upset at all, indeed.

“Hmmm… yeah, I couldn’t say that in front of the kids. They’re too young for that kind of things,” he joked, but you frowned, not fully understanding what he meant.

Your heart stumbled in your chest as he leant closer, wrapping an arm around your waist, dark eyes flickering to your lips and then back to your eyes.

“I wanted to tease you about how you mess up my desk.”

You looked away, struggling to breathe as you pictured the scene... You and him pressed together, lips sealed, fingers looking for bare skin…

“Right… I see.”

“And even though I adore this activity, I couldn’t say…”

“No, you couldn’t!” you interrupted him, taking a step back as you tried to regulate both your heart and your breathing. Ben’s low chuckle told you he was enjoying your flushed self a lot.

“Come on, darling,” he went on, nodding towards the door and his smile was tempting as it grew brighter, something dangerous glittering in his black eyes. “Let’s mess up my desk before going back to work…”

You had rarely been this anxious in your life. And perhaps it was a little ridiculous, but then again, tonight was so important.

You had to tell Sally that Ben and you were more than friends. It was time. Ben and you were doing fine; you were doing amazing, as a matter of fact. You had no doubts left that he loved you, that he was ready to be responsible with Sally, that he was here for the long run. That you both wanted this to work, that you were ready to put your heart on the table, an offering of a wounded and vulnerable prey, and you trusted him to mend the organ instead of eating it raw. Perhaps it was silly, given that you had been together for barely three months. Still, it was real. It was what you wanted. And Sally needed to know.

That’s why you were now sitting with Ben in front of the sofa, Sally sitting on the furniture in her pirate pyjamas, holding her bunny and throwing suspicious glances at you and Ben.

It was the evening, you had eaten together, a meal Ben had cooked, nothing too fancy but delicious all the same. It was the evening, and outside the world was full of darkness and yellow lights.

“What’s going on?” Sally asked, narrowing her eyes.

“We… we need to talk with you about something, angel,” you spoke in a soft, quiet voice that you hoped soothing and steady enough to hide your nerves.

She seemed worried by your tone though, and you hated that. You struggled to swallow, and Ben spoke in your stead when you remained silent. You had planned out your speech. Ben had written it down when you had started spiralling the day before at lunchtime. You had learned it, and yet now, it seemed… so hard to say the right words.

“First, we need you to know that… this is changing nothing about your parents. And that your mom and dad are always going to do what’s best for you first, no matter what.”

You nodded, before diving.

“You see… Ben and I, we… we’re a couple now.”

It was a little blunt, more so than the gentle phrases you had eloquently written the day before. But it was earnest, and you couldn’t say it any other way.

Sally didn’t say anything, she just looked back and forth between you and Ben.

“It means that… Ben is going to spend more and more time with us, that’s all,” you tried to reassure your daughter, although her reaction was unreadable. “For you, that’s the only thing that will change for the time being. Ben is just… going to be around more. And help me take care of you sometimes, the same he’s already been doing, really. Nothing big is going to suddenly change, you don’t have to worry about that. But… we needed to tell you. Because we… we’re not going to hide the way we feel in front of you. I know that it’s complicated for you to understand, that it’s adult stuff but…”

You fell immediately silent when Sally started crying.

Tears fell quietly at first, and then a gentle hush sound, and then a true cry, and soon she was sobbing and wailing… and you remained frozen in place, staring at her tiny frame shaking and her cheeks wet with tears.

You blinked, it took you what seemed like forever to react, to reach out for your daughter.

“Sally, calm down, it’s not a bad news. Why are you crying?”

“Sally, it’s alright, nothing’s going to change,” Ben added, but Sally kept on crying.

You stood up and reached to hold her, but Sally pushed you away, and you heart broke at the sight.

“NO!” your daughter cried. “I DON’T WANT THAT! I DON’T WANT BEN!”

“Sally, calm down…”

“NO! NO!”

Before you could stop her, Sally had jumped from the couch and was running into her bedroom. You heard the door closing with force, and then everything was still.

Ben hadn’t dared to move, still sitting on the carpet, looking wide-eyed in the direction of your daughter’s room. When he finally turned to you, you exchanged a blank glance. He moved to sit closer in what seemed to be slow motion, as if reluctant, as if afraid of what would happen once he would have reached you. And he was right to be wary. You were crying when you looked at him again, and he knew too well why tears were staining your cheeks now.

Sally was everything to you. She prevailed over everything else in your life. You would have done anything for her, including sacrificing the man you loved, giving up on your own happiness.

If Sally couldn’t accept Ben as your partner, you would leave him.

When he reached out, wrapped his arm around your shoulders to hold you close, lips pressed to your hair, you both started crying.

And you wondered if this meant that it would be your last evening with the man you loved.

******************************************

Taglist: @reg-arcturus-black @sergeantbuckybarnes @wolfmoonmusic @idek-what-to-put @kpicard @rhapsodyonthethames @friendly-philosopher

[milk-breadx]

I Love You Forevermore; childe

childe x gn!reader

Read Part 1 here!

Angst! Hanahaki disease AU!

The aftermath.

At this point, you were waiting for your time to come. There was no hope, no chance, he doesn't even realize he was hurting you, so what was the point? The days were lonely, until there was a knock on your door.

word count: 3,233 words

warnings: throwing up, death, cheating, childe's real name, (probably) inaccurate portrayal of childe's family (When Snezhnaya comes out, imma fix it 🥴)

The night, as always, was cold in Snezhnaya. You blew on your mug of hot cocoa before taking a sip as you sat on the steps outside your house, gazing upon the numerous people walking past. In your hand, a letter. From who other than your beloved Ajax.

Despite a difficult journey, you arrived back in Morepesok almost 2 weeks ago and this letter arrived at your doorstep a week after. You fear the contents inside which is why you have yet to open it. Was it just a normal 'how was the trip?' type of letter or was it finally the letter you've been dreading for? The letter that told you he finally realized where his love really lies? Right now, you didn't want to know.

You lifted your mug up to your lips to take another sip, when the feeling of another yellow tulip rising up your throat hits you. The mug in your hands drop to the snow, and you cough as if your lungs were coming out of your mouth. You covered your mouth with your hand, looking at the mug in the snow before running inside to your bathroom.

Lately, the vomiting had gotten worse, you're constantly out of breath, and you fear each night you lay down on your bed would be your last. After rinsing your mouth, you head to the kitchen to prepare another mug of hot cocoa. You set the kettle and while waiting, you head outside to get the mug you accidentally drop and prepare a new one.

The kettle starts to whistle and you grab a mitten to grab its handle and pour it in a mug until you heard a knock on your front door. You set the kettle on the countertop when another knock could be heard. Must be urgent, so you quickly head towards the front door. Opening it revealed Anton and Teucer, both with worried looks on their faces. Once they saw your figure, they dove in to give you a tight squeeze that made you stumble a little. Quickly, you took them inside where it was warm.

"What are you two doing here? The sun's already gone down." You questioned as you took a seat on your couch by the fireplace and they followed suit. "You said you'd be back in town almost two weeks ago and you never visited!" Teucer exclaims. Anton adds with "Mom, Dad, basically everyone was looking forward to seeing you again. We wanna know what you and big brother did in Liyue." 

"Oh," was all you could say. Over the years you've known Ajax, you've grown quite close to his family up to the point you could be seen at their house almost everyday. It's no wonder Anton and Teucer came running to your home when they haven't heard from you in a while. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to visit soon. I haven't been feeling well ever since I left Liyue, Anton." Truth is, you don't think visiting them would be a good idea. After what occurred in Liyue Harbor, you weren't sure if you could face his family without another tulip leaving your lips.

"Well?" Teucer asked, bringing you back to reality, "What happened while you were in Liyue? did he take you to what's the place? Wangsh- Wangshu Inn? Did you get to meet the adeptus that lives there?" The curiosity he had was reflected in how he asked and how stars shone in his eyes.

"Hold that thought!" Anton had stopped you from saying anything else before grabbing your hand and instructing his younger brother to grab your coat.

"What are you-"

"You gotta tell everyone!" Anton spoke and practically dragged you out of your house before you could protest with Teucer behind you. The boys were running as fast as they could across the snow and you were trying your best to keep up with them while avoiding bumping into anyone as much as possible. When they finally stopped running, you were completely out of breath and your chest felt like it was burning.

They hadn't noticed how heavy you were breathing, thankfully, and quickly brought inside. When you finally looked at your surroundings, you noticed all the very familiar walls and furniture. The two had brought you to the place you've been avoiding since you've arrived in Snezhnaya — Ajax's house. And as luck would have it almost everyone was home.

"Mom, we're back! And look who we brought!" Teucer giggled as he brought everyone in his sight to welcome you. 

"Anton, Teucer, don't run off like that again. Do you have any idea how worried we were when you two ran off during the nigh-" Their mom stood there, scolding the boys before her eyes landed on you. It was as if she completely forgot about scolding her sons when she saw you in the middle of the room. You gave her a sheepish smile, a bit worried she was gonna lightly scold you for not visiting since you came back. But none of that happened. She happily called out your name and wrapped her arms around you in a warm embrace. At the sound of your name, you heard a couple of gasps come from the kitchen and all of a sudden, the other siblings had come up to greet you.

It wasn't long before they sat you down at the dining table, passed you a plate and asked you about your trip in Liyue non-stop. You couldn't deny, even though the pain in your chest had worsened once you were brought to the very place where everything reminded you of him, having dinner with his family again felt nice. The warm atmosphere, the lively chatter, the delicious food. You were at home.

Sometime during dinner, you felt a tiny presence making its way beside you. You took a peek when the presence grabbed your left hand. Teucer seems to be inspecting your hand hard, eyebrows furrowed with one question in mind. He finally turned to you, still not letting go of your hand and asked, "You and big brother have been together for quite a while already. Are you two gonna get married soon?"

The look on his face broke your heart a little bit more. If he had asked this question before you visited his brother in Liyue, you would have said something along the lines of "Someday" with a playful smirk on your face. But today, you only answered with "Who knows" and tried to hide your hurt with a soft smile.

Dinner with the family was nice, but now it was time to head home.

"It was lovely having dinner with you again," Ajax's sister said with a smile. 

The sudden shouts of your name had you turning to the youngest three of the family, who had run up to the both of you after helping their mom in the kitchen. "You'll come visit tomorrow right?" Anton asked, crossing his fingers that you'd say yes. "We still have so many questions to ask you!" Tonia exclaimed, also hoping you'd come by tomorrow to spend some time with them.

Tonight was a good night. You'd choose it over your original plans for tonight, which was mope around until you fell asleep. So, maybe visiting tomorrow would be a good idea. 

"Of course I will," The kids rejoiced but were cut off by their older sister telling them to get ready for bed. Their protest made you chuckle. Alas, there was nothing they could do, except give you a bear hug and say goodnight. You said your goodbyes to the rest of the family before heading out the front door.

You just walked out the door when the pain on your chest had worsen a hundredfold. Your lungs, practically on fire and you were desperately trying to cough out the flower in your throat. You couldn't stop it, nor run somewhere private, when more bloody tulips fell from your lips. But it didn't stop there. You've never felt as much fear in your life as you feel even more flowers than usual rise up your throat. However, the tulips don't seem to move at all. It hurt. Like hell.

Your knees hit the ground and it was getting harder and harder to breathe with multiple flowers stuck in your throat. There was no air coming in, yet you were desperately trying to breathe. But it was no use. Your hands subconsciously moved to claw at your neck and chest, as if it would help get the flowers in your throat unstuck.

The door behind you opened, the light coming from inside reaching your figure.

You hear a gasp and then a scream, you see multiple silhouettes coming to you. And it all went dark.

When Childe finally finished his assignment in Liyue, he was beyond excited to go back home and spend time with the people he held dear. He practically ran off the boat with all his belongings and headed towards home. 

The burst open of the door and the words "I'm home!" alerted the household, who then rushed to greet their brother. The youngest siblings, of course, ran as fast as their legs could to give their older brother a bear hug, who squeezed them just as tight.

Childe proceeded to tell them about his time in Liyue, 'selling toys' and such, giving his siblings gifts, and adding to the house's decor with a trinket he bought during Lantern Rite. He wasted no time in spending time with his family. He played around with his younger siblings, challenged his older brothers to spars, helped make dinner, despite just arriving from a long and tiring journey.

His stories didn't stop even 'til dinner. He was excited to be home again with the warm atmosphere, the lively chatter, and the delicious food. He was at home.

But it didn't feel right. And everyone, except him, knew it.

They all felt it. It felt so out of place — you not being there beside him but they didn't speak of it. As if there was an unspoken agreement among the family members to not say anything about you now. Even if they have been keeping it a secret from him for some time already.

They just let him talk because they do love to hear his stories, but they also didn't wanna break him by telling him the news of your passing. After unfortunately witnessing your last moments, the family suspected how it happened, especially since you were surrounded by bloody flowers. And after seeing how their brother hadn't brought you up, their suspicions are slowly being confirmed.

It wasn't until Teucer came up beside him that he finally remembered something — you. "Are they busy today? They usually come over when I arrive back." The room fell silent. Even Tonia, Anton and Teucer just acted like nothing happened, but didn't say a word.

Their unusual silence did not go unnoticed by the Fatui Harbinger. They definitely knew something he didn't. He turned to his older siblings, waiting for them to give an answer, only to receive silence. He looked towards his younger siblings, knowing they'd tell him the truth, but they knew to let the older siblings handle this.

"Ajax," The eldest sibling spoke, "We need to talk." The atmosphere of the once vibrant room turned dark and no one knew how to start telling him.

"What's going on?" Ajax asked. His siblings could only look at each other in hopes that the other would answer him. But no one said a word, so the eldest son took it upon himself to finally say a word.

"Ajax," He started, "Your partner, they uh-" He paused and looked everywhere except for his younger brother's eyes. 

"They're gone."

This must be some joke or a misunderstanding of sorts. The Harbinger heard him crystal clear, but he just couldn't believe them. "That can't be right." He shakes his head profusely, looking around to see if any of his siblings would suddenly say 'it was all a joke' but they all looked grief-stricken.

He tries to laugh it off and say "You-You guys are just messing with me, right?" Still, the looks on their faces didn't change. 

The realization was finally starting to hit him and he propped up his elbows on the table and buried his face into his hands. He became unusually quiet. After all, how do you react when the one you loved the most passed away. He last saw you in Liyue, and you never replied to his letters. How was he supposed to spend his life with you like he promised if you weren't there?

"Ajax, we didn't-"

But Ajax didn't bother to listen, even covering his ears to block out whatever his sister was saying. He remained silent, wishing that you weren't what they said you were. Even when his siblings stopped talking, it was just silent throughout the room.

'It isn't true. There was no way it was true.' 

He stood up, still not saying a word, and bolted through the house,  out the front door and to your home. The calls of his name didn't stop him and he ran as fast as he could until he stopped at your front door.

No lights, no sound, nothing.

But still, he tried knocking the door and calling out your name. No answer. He uses the doorknob, which is unlocked, and opens the door to find most of your things were gone, save for some furniture.

He went all over the house looking for you, opening the now empty closet, searching for the photos of you with your family, friends, and him, but you weren't there. Not anymore.

His mother and sisters had found him on the couch with an unreadable expression on his face. He looked distressed, confused, in disbelief.

They sat down with him, comforted, and waited for a response before asking him the one question on their minds since they found you outside their home.

"What happened between you two?"

He slowly looked at them in confusion, "Wha-What do you mean? Everything was fine, we didn't fight or anything."

They looked at each other before facing their brother again, "Ajax.  We found them outside the house." She paused, thinking of how to soften the blow to him before continuing, "Surrounded by yellow tulips covered in blood."

Instantly, he knew what they meant. "Hanahaki disease," He said and they nodded, confirming his reply, but that made him even more confused.

"But-But how?"

"That's what we're wondering, Big brother. What happened between you two?" Tonia asked. She thought of another question but didn't know whether she should say it or not, "Di-Did you- y'know," she gestured. To which, Ajax starts shaking his head profusely.

"I love them too much, I-I wouldn't do that to them." at least, that is what he claims. He might not have realized it while you were in Liyue, but after you left, he started to recognize his actions and feelings toward the traveler were more than platonic.

Yet, he didn't stop. Quips and flirty remarks thrown around during their conversations, unaware you were having difficulty breathing because of it.

He put his face in his hands again, finally getting the whole picture, and quietly asked his sisters if they could all just go home now. They didn't hear an answer to their question from him, but with his request, they already know.

Once back home, the usually cheery Ajax was not himself. Barely coming down to eat, not saying a word for days. There was barely any noise coming from his room and everyone was getting more and more worried for him.

A knock on the door alerted him.

His mother stood there with a dish of her own recipe. One she knows he'll love, if he decides to take a bite. It broke her heart to see her usually vibrant son with dark & sunken eyes, which is why she decided to step in. 

She tries to convince him to eat, to speak and he eventually breaks down and confesses everything to her. That he fell for another, that he caused you pain and death, to which she offers comfort and suggests for him to get some closure.

He isn't ready, and he knows he'll never be. But he has to go.

First stop was to your parent's house, who had welcomed him into their home but can never forget that he ensured they'd never see you again. It wasn't a long stay, seeing that a lot of the things from your house had been moved into theirs had reminded him again. He said his apologies, again, and then his goodbyes before he left.

Next stop was to visit some of your friends, who had shunned him because he caused not only you, but now them, pain. To hear one of your friends' lover, who you thought would have been forever, caused your friend immense pain and eventually death was not easy to grasp.

Last stop was to you, if you were there to hear him or not.

Atop the tombstone, he placed a bouquet of your favorites. It's impossible to find these growing in all this snow, but Ajax brings nothing but the best for you.

He was prepared to say a million and three things to you on the way here, but now he was completely speechless.

Just breathe, Ajax. 

Then he starts talking. He greets you, still having no idea what to say at all, then decides to just say it all. He talks about everything, really — what he's been doing, how his family has been doing, any new events happening that he's heard of, as if you were physically standing right in front of him.

"I found this artifact that I'm sure you'd love," and "Remember when you and I went ice skating and Tonia wanted to join us but she was too afraid to go on the ice? She's a lot braver now and she just loves to skate,"

From "My archery skills have been getting better," to "I got those new edition kameras from Fontaine and I can't wait to try them out,"

It was like talking to someone you've known forever, only a little bit different.

Eventually the sky had turned dark and Ajax couldn't say 'I'll stay for a little bit longer' anymore. He knew it was time to leave, and he wasn't sure when he'd be coming back here again.

He faced your tombstone, reading its words again, about to say goodbye until he broke. He knelt down, put his face in his hands and said his sorry’s over and over again, knowing that no matter how much he'd say it, you'll never come back.

Even if, through some magical, never before seen process, you came back. Would you even look at him? Let alone, forgive him? He didn't think so either.

He left, that day, with a heavy heart and a guilty conscience. But with slight happiness, knowing you're in a place where you'll never be hurt by him, or by anyone else, again.

He has said his apologies, but he could never forgive himself for it. His love may not have stayed, but after having you in his life for so long, as a friend and as a lover, you would remain in his heart forevermore.

Read Part 1

work by milk-breadx. DO NOT COPY/REPOST/MODIFY WORKS WITHOUT PERMISSION

ps. anon send me them pet pics pls 💀

[cherrybeartoast]

As Loved by The Aces - "Going Home" - Seungmin x Reader

୨୧ a Cherry Song Series ୨୧ As Loved By The Aces Series Navigation

A series of individual-member centred stories based on songs by my favourite indie band, The Aces, portraying different love stories, emotions and people.

Pairing: Seungmin x GN!Reader

Genre: Fluff, very sappy, incredibly self-indulgent (I'm not sorry, ever since I got Seung's Nylon mag I've been having the most uncontrollable Minnie brainrot)

Warnings: Kind of implied that the reader has ADHD, but can also be read as a reader who simply has a super bubbly, slightly chaotic personality <3 (did I mention this was self indulgent?)

Series playlist: Spotify

★ Track 7: S.M - Going Home

I love everything about you, you know, even all of the the things you say you don’t like, nothing I don’t like, I love that you never pretend with me, even from the start you taught me to be, nothing but me

“What are we even here for?” Seungmin asked, feigning annoyance as you roamed aimlessly through the aisles of the supermarket.

“I don’t remember,” you replied, wandering into the haircare aisle.

Seungmin huffed, although you didn’t miss the soft smile on his lips before he did so. “That’s why I told you to write a list or something, baby, you always forget.”

When Seungmin had introduced you to his friends, they’d been expecting someone scholarly, quiet and well-organised; essentially, a second Seungmin. “Did you meet her in the library?” Hyunjin had teased. “No, in the stationary section looking at notebooks!” Jeongin had snorted.

However, when you proved to be almost as chaotic, if not more, than Han Jisung himself, they’d been surprised, albeit happily. You couldn’t be more different from Seungmin; you were very physically affectionate, and had no troubles expressing your emotions through words. You were forgetful, yet refused to take actions to prevent it. You were sporadic and inconsistent, planning things last minute and taking your boyfriend on adventures on a whim. It had taken Seungmin time to get used to you when you first met as friends, but he soon found himself drawn to your confidence and chaos. You were a bit all over the place, yes, but you were his, and you found he helped contain the unhelpful aspects of your personality, such as struggles to focus and just generally get shit done, whilst you brought out the louder, gigglier side of him. 

“Oh well,” you chuckled and shrugged, pulling out bottles of shampoo and examining the labels closely. “Ooh, this one’s on sale, Seung! Maybe I should try it, your big sister told me it was really good.”

Seungmin took the bottle out of your hand and placed it back on the shelf. “No,” he said stubbornly.

“Excuse me, Kim Seungmin?” You raised an eyebrow and crossed your arms across your chest. “I think I’m allowed to select my own shampoo brand.”

Seungmin rolled his eyes. “You wouldn’t smell the same, stupid. I like the one you use now. It’s nice.” He pulled you close and shoved his face into your hair to prove his point, and you giggled and smacked his arm lightly.

“What a sappy baby,” you tsked, pinching his cheek and grabbing two bottles of your usual shampoo and conditioner. 

“Is that everything?”

“I just want to look around, Seung, then I’ll remember,” you pushed the trolley happily, skipping a little.

“Baby, we’ve been looking around for like twenty minutes. It’s gonna get dark soon, and it’s already snowing outside.” Seungmin gestured out the big windows, where flecks of snow drifted through the wind, dusting the cars parked outside, including yours, like icing sugar.

“Okay, okay, fine,” you huffed, picking up your two bottles and returning your trolley, and he shook his head. You squealed as he scooped you up, staggering along to the cashier. 

He deposited you, and you paid for your items, then ran outside, almost slipping on the icy tarmac. 

“It’s so pretty,” you gasped, squeaking as a snowflake landed on your nose and another melted down your cheek. “It’s very cold, though. Can we get inside, Seung?”

He nodded and opened the car, and you bundled yourself into the passenger seat, shivering as he turned the heater on.

“Dramatic, much,” he chuckled fondly, starting the engine. 

“Shut up, I’m so cold,” you hissed through your teeth, blowing on your hands. “Hey, stop that, turn the car off.”

“That’ll turn the heater off,” Seungmin stated.

“I don’t care.”

“Where the fuck is your logic, baby?” Seungmin laughed.

You shook your head and dragged yourself over the console, planting yourself onto his lap. His cheeks flushed a little and he took the keys out, his arms moving to your waist automatically.

“You’re really warm, Seung,” you mumbled into his shoulder, wrapping your arms around his neck. “You’re always so warm, like, you just make me feel so cosy and soft and fluffy and gross.”

“Gross? Excuse me?”

“In a good way. I feel so sappy and lovey-dovey when I’m with you. I disgust myself. If I saw a couple acting like this in public, I’d be like, ew, that’s so weird, but I love acting like that with you. It doesn’t feel cliche or weird. It feels right.”

“Oh, baby.”

“Shush. You’re gonna make me blush.”

Seungmin lifted your head off his shoulder. “You already are, idiot.”

You slapped his cheek lightly. “Fuck off. It’s your turn to be overly sappy with your feelings now, Seung.”

Seungmin took a deep breath. “When I first got with you, all the guys were so surprised, because you’re so different to me. And when they were surprised, it made me nervous, because I trust them so much, though you better not tell them that, or they won’t shut up about it. Then Chan told me he hadn’t seen me act so carefree, so happy around anyone like this in a long, long time. He said he thought you were so good for me, you brought out parts of me he missed seeing.”

You stared into his eyes, biting back a smile.

“And it’s true. I’ve never really felt this happy around anyone before. I worry less, and when I worry, it's less about myself. Because I know you don’t care about the things I worry about myself; like my appearance, or my personality. You just love me. And I’ve never been loved like that before.”

“You went way sappier than I did, loverboy,” you giggled, but pressed a kiss to the corner of his lips. “I love you so much, and it makes me happy that I make you as happy as you make me. You’re mine, yeah, Seung?”

“Always,” Seungmin pressed his nose to yours, then wrapped his arms around you tighter.

You sat, in the front seat of your car, in the supermarket parking lot, bodies entwined.

Sure, you should be getting home, but you weren’t in a rush. 

Wherever he was, he was your home.

[freakshowtwopointoh]

First Date / Last Night

Street lamp, dim glow

A light up like a night like summer snow

Well, let it pour

Just cover up whatever came before

Jordan wasn’t sure why they invited Marie out after class. They weren’t even sure what they were expecting - they’d been exchanging jabs for weeks now. Something came over them, and before they could stop themselves, they asked to walk her home. And for some godforsaken reason, she said yes.

Sea breeze, whips through

And makes you do some shit you'd never do

Talkin' queer, why the hell are you still here?

They looked at her curiously as they walked across campus, trying to understand why she said yes. They rejected her from this class, and they have not been easy on her since she got re-enrolled. But they couldn’t deny the butterflies in their stomach when she smiled at them, and they couldn’t ignore the warmth that spread through their entire body just being near her.

Don't know why

I decided to come

Don't know why I decided to come

Marie had no idea why Jordan was even speaking to her - they’d barely interacted outside of class. When Marie was admitted to Crimefighting over Jordan’s head, they made it their mission to prove that she didn’t belong there. It didn’t work, of course, she did belong in this program. So why did she agree to walk home with them? Why did they even ask? 

Meet me halfway

A touch and go of don't know what to say

Do we talk?

What?

Huh?

Don't expect too much

Just walk

Jordan kept their hands in their pockets, content with allowing the silence to fester. Their feelings were always confusing, and their feelings for Marie were even more so. They liked her, they hated her, they were impressed by her, they wanted her, they were pissed at her... Too many feelings for a girl they’d barely spoken to.

Blank slate, blank stare

Yeah you made her cry

Why do you care?

What took hold?

Marie tried to think of something to say, torn between the frustration she still felt towards Jordan for their immediate rejection from Crimefighting and what that would have meant for her, and the guilt she felt for the lies she’d told about the fight with Golden Boy. She knew she shouldn’t care about their feelings, or about their ranking. She was the one who was at risk of being sent away, not this cocky and very pretty person who confused the shit out of her. And yet, she did feel bad. She did want them to get the credit they deserved. 

“Look, Jordan, about the Miller interview. I’m sorry. You were right, and I should have said something right then.” She finally admitted begrudgingly. “I had my reasons, or whatever, but it still wasn’t fair. So I’m sorry.” Marie shoved her hands in her pockets as they continued walking, ignoring her dorm building without a glance.

Look at her, she looks so... cold

Don't know why

I decided to come

Don't know why I decided to come

Looking over at Jordan finally, their expression was unreadable. Their longer hair blocked their eyes, and they didn’t say much. Marie’s brow furrowed as she noticed the goosebumps on Jordan’s arms. “You’re cold.” She stated, sliding the trenchcoat off of her shoulders and thrusting it into their hands. They raised an eyebrow but put the coat on nonetheless. It almost felt like forgiveness.

Twisting lemons into lemonade

You'd be sleeping

You'd be drunk

If you had stayed

And you might miss

Any good that could come

After this

Half of Jordan cursed themself for even talking to Marie. They could be back in their dorm, catching up on sleep, or at the club enjoying their Friday night with their friends. But for some reason they barely understood, they had now circled the campus twice with Marie, wearing her trench coat, and chatting about everything that didn’t matter, and some things that did. At some point one of them finally took the other’s hand, but neither would ever admit it was them.

First date

Last night

Not quite what you pictured, but alright

So take her out

Give him a shot

Cause people can surprise you... or not

Years later, Marie and Jordan would consider this their first date, despite not putting a label to their relationship for months after that night - the last night they hated each other.

[runningfrom2am]

leveling the playing field XIII

summary: with nowhere else to go after getting caught cheating to help lucy gray, you both make some desperately stupid decisions.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 4.2k

tags/warnings: capitol brat!reader, maybe slightly ooc coryo, idk i tried my best. do they love each other or hate each other? who knows (we do, kind of). implications and mentions of abuse, so read with caution!! also a little bit of swearing but that's neither here nor there. oh, and manipulation (both of them lowkey)

masterlists // nav // requests

a/n: nothing much to say other than thank you guys and i hope you like it :)

series masterlist

You think you might die from this heat. The ice bag that Coryo brought you only lasted so long, especially when you shared it with the covey, which cut its window of efficacy in half. Both of you trailed behind everyone on the way to the lake, besides for Maude Ivory who found a very comfortable spot on Coryo's back. You should have thought to buy her some new shoes before the several-hour hike, but you didn't think that would be of consequence.

"How is Sejanus?" You ask, making conversation as you wipe the sweat from your brow. You'd like to gauge if Coryo knew anything more about your mutual friend's habit of hanging around with the wrong people.

"He's... yeah. He's fine." Coryo sighs, adjusting his hold on Maude Ivory's legs around his waist as he steps over a tree root.

"You don't sound so sure." You laugh, tilting your head up at him.

The bruise on your cheek wasn't red anymore, now healing into a yellowish hue that Coryo could hardly tear his eyes away from. He wishes you were still in the habit of wearing makeup every day, then he wouldn't have to stare down the result of his failure every time he looked at you. He shakes his head. "Well, I'll tell you about it later."

You just nod, looking down at the ground in front of you to make sure you don't trip. Now it was your turn to wish that the two of you could talk about what's going on between you. Whatever Sejanus is up to with Billy Taupe reminded you that even though you're far away from the chains of the Capitol, you still weren't entirely free. Even if now it was just free of the prying ears of a little blonde girl who loved to talk. "If you could change one thing about your routine right now, what would it be?" You ask, looking up at him again and squinting at the sun as it breaks through the trees above you.

Coryo draws his head back for a moment, confusion washing over his features at the seemingly random question. "Uh, everything. Next question."

"Ah-ah," You shake your head, hair falling into your face which you quickly pull back again. "Only one thing."

"Okay, fine." He chuckles, shaking his head. "Um... not sure, honestly. Maybe I'd have more success trapping those damn Mockingjays." He grumbles, looking up into the treeline.

You laugh, rubbing over the mostly healed scratches on your arms. "Nothing yet, huh?" Up until the point that you forgave him, you had gone out every night for almost a week, having learned a better system for opening the traps that didn't result in them cutting up your arms with their claws. Not so much as a thank you from the birds that apparently could speak, until you had started to thank yourself every time you reached around the side of the traps to open the metal, just so they would echo it back to you. You knew it was crazy, but it had become a fun semblance of a normal routine.

"Not one. Hardly any Jabberjays either, we think someone was setting them free in the night, they were easier to trap at first." He replies, smiling at you despite his frustrations about it. He couldn't wait until they could catch enough for Dr. Kay so he could start shooting them instead. "Rebels, most likely."

"That's annoying." You laugh, trying to hide the nervousness in your tone. "Why would they care about some birds?" It was a stupid question to pose, to poke holes in his only theory when it didn't already point back to you.

"They're hardly more than animals themselves." He grumbles, shrugging. "No, actually, I'd probably spend more time with you, if I could." He changes his answer and effectively, the topic as well. At this, Maude Ivory lifts her head from his shoulder.

"Are you guys in love?" She asks, turning her head so she can look at you now.

"Oh, no." Your cheeks burn as you laugh, shaking your head. "It's complicated big kid business, Maude Ivory."

"That's enough." Coryo chuckles nervously, spinning her on his hip and carefully putting her down. "Go bother the others."

The girl giggles, walking backward in front of you with her shoes in her hand. "It's why, I love you, you're as pure as the driven-" She starts to sing a song you were writing with Lucy Gray, knowingly taunting you, but you're quick to cut her off.

"Hey! Don't!" You laugh quickly, pretending to push her forward so she'll run along. "They've got some thin walls in that house..." You chuckle quietly, avoiding his gaze as you watch her run up ahead.

After a few moments of silence, Coryo speaks again. "What about you? What would you change?"

"Can I be uncreative and say the same thing as you?" You ask, cheeks still red.

"Sure." He nods slightly, a small smile on his face.

"Great, because those birds are starting to get on my nerves." You joke, bumping your shoulder against his arm.

He smiles, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I hate you too."

"Oh, hush. You know I love you." You freeze up as soon as you say it, suddenly it holds a lot more weight to it than your typical friendly banter.

At that, Coryo drapes his arm over your shoulder with a satisfied smile, pressing a kiss to the side of your head.

"Can you tell me about Sejanus, now?" You ask, head placed on Coryo's lap as you lay on the dock. You had been out of the water for a little while, now, utilizing the sun to dry your wet hair and skin.

He looks back up to the cabin, seeing Lucy Gray and the rest of the covey scattered and picking plants or lying in the grass. "Uh, he just keeps sneaking off, and I found a good bit of money in his locker, but he told me he was broke so... I don't know what he's up to."

You sigh. "I've seen him hanging around Billy Taupe a lot. They're a sketchy crowd in the nicest of terms."

"Well, he is district. It doesn't surprise me that he'd associate with them." Coryo explains, distracted in a weak attempt at braiding a small section of your hair.

"He's gonna get himself killed." You mutter, eyes closed to block out the sun. You couldn't tell Coriolanus about how you ran into Sejanus a couple of weeks ago, knowing he would ask questions about why you were out at that time too. It's easier to lie to Sejanus than to him.

"It's not our problem if we stay out of it." Coryo tries to ease your mind.

"We can't just stand by and watch, though. It'll eat my conscience alive if something were to happen to him."

Coriolanus looks down at you, watching your calm expression form into something resembling worry. He chews on the inside of his cheek and nods to himself. He would have to do something, if Sejanus ended up getting in some kind of trouble, the guilt of knowing without acting will kill you. "Okay. I'll figure something out. I'll get him to keep his distance." He promises.

Days had passed since that interaction, and Coriolanus is crippled by the fear that he made a horrible mistake. He got the full story from Sejanus, and it was worse than he pictured.

You liked Sejanus, at least you acted like it when he was around. Coriolanus could always see that the district-born boy meant something to you, even if it was unclear based on the way you spoke about him when he wasn't present. Him running off into the woods with a bunch of derelect rebels was far from a viable option, Coriolanus wouldn't have it. He couldn't risk your reaction knowing that he told you he would do something to intervene.

He needed to talk to you. You were the only one he could trust to tell about the Capitol-bound recording he sent off of Sejanus' confession, or the news that his family had been kicked out of their apartment back home. He wasn't even sure he wanted to tell you. Coryo had been fighting this internal battle for what felt like ages, so maybe he could just include the basics, leave out his actions, and let you lift some of the tensions from his shoulders by telling him it would be okay. That it would all be over soon, and that you're proud of him for passing his exam. He could get the two of you out of this dump by the end of next week, and he couldn't get you away fast enough.

Unfortunately for him, when he finally arrived at the Hob on his night off you were already on stage with the Covey. You were laughing, dancing and spinning, occasionally joining Maude Ivory on her hip drum while Lucy Gray sang. The crowd loved you, and you loved the attention. He'd be lying to himself if he tried to say he didn't love watching you so happy, but the timing was inconvenient at best.

Coryo found his usual spot against the wall, sitting down next to Sejanus. He wasn't about to let him out of his sight, not anymore.

"Give it up for our friends in the band!" He smiles at Maude Ivory's excessive spirit as she holds her arms out to encourage applause before her eyes lock on him. Her face lights up more, somehow, and he greets it with a nod.

She turns to you while music is slowly tuning out, and gives a slight tug on the bottom of your new dress. It had been scuffed up in your fight with Ash, but you had cleaned it up nicely- hardly a stitch was out of place.

You look down at the girl, who just gives a slight nod in the direction of the wall Coryo was sat against. "He's here, you gotta sing it now!" Maude Ivory says, loud enough so you could hear but not enough to be picked up by the mic behind her.

You look very briefly over at Coryo, shaking your head at her as your cheeks turn rosy. "He's never gonna hear it." You say, leaning down to her level. "Who even says its about him, huh?"

"You can't trick me, Sage." She giggles, pointing at your nose.

"C'mon, lets do it!" Lucy Gray chimes in encouragingly as you stand back up. "I'll play for you. All you gotta do is sing."

You roll your eyes playfully, shaking your head again. "No, I-"

"Now, welcome back for her second performance with us, Sage! She's gonna take us over for a minute here. I promise, y'all are in for a real treat." You're interrupted by Maude Ivory making the announcement for you. Internally you cuss, plastering on a nervous smile.

"It's beautiful, you gotta relax." Lucy Gray says in your ear, already adjusting her hold on her guitar. "If I can sing a breakup song to the whole country, you can sing a love song just to the folks in this room. C'mon." She smiles, nodding for you to take the mic as Maude Ivory bows you in.

You'd played this song a bunch back at the Covey's home after Lucy Gray caught you humming the abstract tune of a lullaby your mother used to sing to get you to sleep when you were little. You didn't remember a single word, but the melody was enough for her to recreate and embellish it into one of their songs, to which she insisted you help her write the words for.

Coryo is leaning forward, elbows rested on his knees as he watches you. From what he knew, you weren't much of a singer. The redness evenly spreading across your cheeks and nose in time with the intro music was evidence enough of that.

"Sing for us, sweetheart!" Someone from the crowd calls out, which is matched with whistles that force Coryo to sit up to try and get a look at who the hell is yelling at you. His jaw is seized until he hears your voice echoing through the large room, drawing his gaze back to you on the stage.

"I've taken some hits, so no wonder I'm wary. It's why I need you, you're as pure as the driven snow..."  You look over his way only briefly while you sing the first round of the chorus, trying not to let your voice catch from the nervousness still pumping through every inch of your body.

He knows it before you're finished, but the last word, the one you didn't let Maude Ivory get to on the way to the lake, makes his heart flip in his chest. The eye contact he made with you as you said his name was so heavy with everything you've ever wanted to say to one another but never had, and he completely swells with pride knowing that it was about him.

"Cold and clean, swirling over my skin..." The inclination, again, to shout to everyone that you were his girl was immense and overtaking. Just like the first time, but now he knew it for sure. He was positive."You cloak me, You soak right in, down to my heart."

By the time you render the final verse, his whole world has changed."It's why I trust you, you're as pure as the driven snow..."

I'm gonna marry her.

He's up as soon as the song is over, heading for the back of the stage as you take your bow. Your smile is wiped when you look up and he's no longer there, and neither is Sejanus. Worry pools in your insides as you scan the crowd, giving a rushed smile to Lucy Gray and Maude Ivory as you jump down. You hurry to the back of the stage, brow furrowed as you search for Coryo.

By some miracle, he's there. If you're not mistaken, he's got tears in his eyes as he strides up to you quickly, the stage lights leaking past the stage to illuminate him just enough. His pace and his intense expression only worry you more. "Is everything-" You ask frantically, only for your question to be disrupted by his actions.

Coryo takes a deep breath, and then, as soon as you're within reach, he cups your face in his hands and leans in. The world around you seems to fade as his lips meet yours in a passionate, long-awaited kiss.

Time stands still, and in that moment, everything falls into place. The worries that plagued him when he walked in completely dissolved as he felt your hair in between his fingers. When he finally pulls away, a small smile graces his face.

You're both breathing heavily as you stare at each other, and it's then that you realize he wasn't crying due to any kind of upset. He was crying because of you. With a smile so real that you could feel the sun on your back, even late at night in this dim building hundreds of miles from the comfort of your collective home.

"Coryo..." You say, smile fading as you regain perceptions of your real life.

"I know, and I have so much to tell you..." He grins, leaning down to kiss you again.

It was your turn to interrupt, pressing a hand to his chest to stop him in his tracks. Tracks you so desired to follow, wherever they may take you, but right now you had bigger concerns. "No, no it's... where is Sejanus?"

He pauses, and it's like the spell is broken as he straightens his posture, looking around as if Sejanus should be right there. "Uh... shit." He had completely forgotten about his friend as he fell under the trance of your voice, of the song you were singing to him.

You're quickly out from under his arms, walking back around the side of the stage to go look for your friend.

"Coryo-" You stop, and he's right on your heels as you turn back to him, pointing toward the back wall. "Go check the bar. Keep an eye out for Billy Taupe. Obviously. He's probably with him." You instruct and he nods to you quickly before beginning to push his way through all the drunk people in the crowd.

You try and scan the sea of faces, but you don't see Sejanus anywhere. The music the Covey is playing is loud, drowning out any hopes you had of being able to shout for the boy. You could follow Coryo in the search, but that would no doubt just waste time. You groan, pushing your hair back out of your face in frustration. You shouldn't have stopped Coryo from kissing you again, if Sejanus wants to be reckless you should just let him. The two of you already saved his life once, was that not enough for him?

You glance down the deserted hallway to your right, and then your feet are carrying you toward the back room in an instant. You turn the corner and push the sliding door open when you hear shouting coming from the other side. "What the fuck is going on?" You ask, eyes flitting between Sejanus, and the two other boys in the room, alongside a girl who who you vaguely recognize.

"Y/N?" Sejanus asks, turning back to you quickly.

"Y/N..." The girl mutters to herself, rolling the name around in her mind and on her tongue. You can see it in the way she's looking at you. You ignore it, eyes locked on your friend now.

"I told you to not get involved in things you shouldn't, didn't I? Didn't Coryo?" You scold him, gesturing to the door.

"It's not- I didn't know they were going to buy weapons! It's not what I wanted, they told me the money was only for supplies, that no one would get hurt!"

"These are supplies." Billy Taupe's friend, Spruce, replies.

"Why would you trust them!" You spit, pointing vaguely at the other people in the room.

"Listen, Princess-" Billy Taupe starts, a bitter taste to his tone just as the door slides open again. Coryo's frame is blocking your view of the boy in a second, tucking you carefully behind his back.

"Talk to me. Not her." He hisses, and you grab his arm. The feeling of his skin under your palms is comforting, warm, and tense in your grip. "What are you doing, guns, Sejanus?" He turns his attention to your classmate.

"Coriolanus, I didn't know this is what they would do, they lied to me-" Sejanus starts his pleads for help again on a separate set of ears.

Unsurprisingly, his response is almost identical to yours. "You thought they would be honest? What are you doing? There are peacekeepers right outside!"

"That's what I said." You mumble in exasperated agreement "Why did you even give them money at all?" You ask, hoping to get some answers.

"Sejanus wants to run off with these dimwits into the woods up north," Coryo explains to you.

"What?" You ask, shocked, looking past him at the boy you've known for years. The thought of never seeing him again pulls at your heartstrings in a way you're unfamiliar with. "You can't. Absolutely not."

"You're not my Ma, Y/N!" Sejanus spits.

"Wait, I know you." The girl cuts in, pointing at you. "You're that missing girl. From the Capitol. Y/N Y/L/N. My dad got a call about you!"

You freeze up at the accusation, biting your tongue as you look up at Coryo. A memory flashes in your mind, that's why you recognize her. She's the girl who Lucy Gray dropped a snake on in the reaping- the mayor's daughter. "Huh?" You ask, trying to look as confused as possible.

"Don't play dumb, we're past that." She scoffs and you just shake your head.

"Genuinely, don't know what you're talking about." You relax your posture, crossing your arms over your chest.

"Well," She sighs, shrugging sarcastically. "I'll go tell my dad where you are. Your family sure is missin' you..." She starts to take a few steps before the back exit and you clench your jaw at her smug smile. You want to rip the hair out of her head and throw her body in the lake to rot.

"Mayfair, you can't leave." Billy Taupe scolds her, grabbing her arm which she quickly yanks away.

"This is ridiculous and confusing, and you act like I don't see the way you still look at Lucy Gray! Why don't you take her with you instead, huh?"

"She is coming, isn't she?" Spruce asks, seeming just as confused as you in a completely opposite way.

"You were bringing Lucy Gray?!" Mayfair shouts, shaking her head at her (now presumably) ex-boyfriend.

"She said she wanted to come!" Billy Taupe defends and you laugh, shaking your head.

"Okay, so clearly there's some major communication issues in this gang of misfits you've found, Sejanus, so let's just go and leave them to it. It won't benefit you to be stuck in the wilderness with a bunch of starving idiots who will kill each other in a week if they get too lazy to hunt." You plead with him and he shakes his head at you.

"Y/N, wait-" Coryo says, looking back at you only briefly.

"Yeah, Capitol Princess is right. I'm out." Mayfair says, raising her hands in defeat and turning to leave. "You'll all hang for this!"

"This power trip you have about your father being the mayor pales in comparison to what my family has. You'll all be dead by the morning if you say a word." You tell her, voice calm as she freezes, turning to look back at you.

"She's all talk, she won't tell anyone." Billy Taupe tries to defend her from the tensions rising in the room. You were concerned about getting sent home, of course, but if she told about their plans to run, everyone in the room would be executed come the morning light.

"Oh, you think I'm scared of you, Sage? You think I won't tell? Ask Lucy Gray." She's right, Lucy Gray had told you about how this girl was responsible for the reaping being rigged to result in Lucy Gray's death in the games. What they never accounted for was her strength, her intelligence, and her having Coriolanus Snow and Y/N Y/L/N as mentors.

And how Lucy Gray became a victor, known initially to most of the Capitol for her similarities to you. Only, Lucy Gray wasn't bat shit crazy.

Coryo's mind is reeling at the threat made to you as the girl starts to walk away. Within a second, before you can even make a move to tackle her, he's reaching onto the table and grabbing one of the guns. He lines up quickly and squeezes the trigger, letting the bullet fly square into the center of the girl's back. His training had paid off sooner than he thought. Coriolanus wasn't about to have you caught, sent back to a home much worse than that safety hazard at the edge of the Seam where you're currently staying.

"Mayfair!" Billy Taupe is quickly at the girls side, but she's already dead. Sejanus is shaking, and you are fighting back the smile that threatens to form on your lips despite the stress of the moment. "What have you done?" He screams at your friend.

"She was gonna get us all killed!" You defend. "You should be thanking him! Trust me, she was nothing special."

"You've got something comin', Capitol boy." He says, shaking his head as he looks up at the two of you, hatred filling his eyes. "You think you're gonna blame me for this? That you'll never get caught?"

You resist the urge to just shrug, agreeing that no, probably not. Undeniably, your best move would be to blame him. "He was defending all of us, can you not get that through your thick skull?" You settle on, keeping your footing as level as possible as Coryo pulls you back closer to his side again.

"If I swing, for this you will with me!" He screams in anger, back on his feet and moving quickly towards you as Coryo shoves you back behind him, lining up again. He didn't have to shoot, though, because Spruce does. The boy's body flings into the wall to the left of you from the force of the impact, slumping against the floor.

Your heart is pounding as you look between your two friends. "Sejanus, are you alright?" You ask, trying to approach him as Coryo starts shouting orders at Spruce to get rid of the guns.

"Hey, he's fine." Coryo grabs your arm, pulling you close to him to look at you. "I'm gonna handle this. Get back out there and sing, play the violin, just do something, okay?"

You glance back at Sejanus again, who is clearly panicking so bad he looks like he might faint. "No, I'm not leaving you, and Sejanus-"

"Sejanus is fine." Coryo says again sternly, shaking your shoulders now as he looks into your eyes. "Go back out there. I will handle this. I'll find you soon." He promises, gently pushing you in the way of the door. "Go. Now."

You swallow the anxiety sitting uncomfortably in the back of your throat and nod, glancing only briefly at your friends before you leave, closing the door quickly behind you.

taglist: @totallynotkaibiased , @stelleduarte , @klplynn , @secretsicanthideanymore , @bejeweledreverie , @gloryekaterina , @andrewgarfieldsbitch , @queenofspades6 , @pepperonipastas , @ladybug0095 , @lunamothwrites , @sbrewer21 , @mus-tbe-a-weasley , @splxtscreen , @unclecrunkle , @karmaswitch , @coconut-dreamz , @nekee-lilac02 , @ooooglymoooogly , @riddlerloveb0t , @lovedbalances , @notyourwildestdream , @snowlandson-top , @too-lit-for-fanfic , @utopiakys , @deafeningballoonnacho , @roosterschanelslut , @chmpgneprblem , @cosmoetik , , @urvampgfsworld , @carolanns-world @nan-nie , @shakespearseclipse , @iovemoonyy , @notyoursweetheart-honey ,  @xyzstar , @eatpizzasass, @slytherinholland , @queenofshinigamis , @elodiebeau , @soulessjourney

i've closed my taglist for coryo now!! sorry to everyone who wanted to be added, but unfortunately there was significantly more demand than i expected and i sadly just can't tag everyone. BUT! if you still want notifications when i post for this fic, please turn on my post notifs!!

[oph3liatlou]

can you write a dina x reader (reader just having moved to jackson) one shot of dina flirting and showing the reader around the town plsss💕

— BONKERS

paring(s) - flirty!dina x new!reader

word count - 1,064

warnings - flirting, mentions of ptsd (if you squint), swearing.

proofread? - yes.

note from author - such a great idea, i love this woman sm

summary - you’re new to jackson so, dina volunteers to show you around - and taking and interest in you.

You were new to the Jackson settlement, having only been here a week. Considering you were new, and you had no friends, nor did you know where anything was - you kept getting lost. You ended up on a street with houses in which - you hadn’t seen before.

A voice called out to you, as well as the sound of crunching boots. You jumped slightly - still not being used to having no growls of infected around. Hearing a real human voice was still weird to you. “You lost?” The woman asked. She smiled gently at you with her hands in her pockets.

You sighed at her question before nodding. “Yeah I- I have no idea where the fuck I am.”

The woman smiles, her eyes bright. “That’s alright, I’ll show you around.” She glances as you two start to walk. “I’m Dina by the way.”

“Nice to meet you and uh - thanks. I’ve only been here a week. The only place I know is the dinning hall.” You partially joked.

Dina chuckles, tucking a strand of her black hair behind her ear. “How are you liking Jackson so far?” She asks, trying to make conversation.

You shrugged. “I mean - the people seem nice and, it’s better then getting swarmed by infected.” You joked darkly. “But I have no friends so, it’s a bit lonely.”

“No friends?” Dina raises an eyebrow. “You mean you’re not close with anyone yet, right?” She nudges you playfully, implying something. “Well don’t worry - you have me now.” She smiles.

You return the smile. “Thanks…Where are we going?”

She stops at a path, pointing out a building to the far right. “That’s the medical center - doctors, nurses and all that. Right next to it, is the gym.”

She gestures to another building on the left. “That’s where I live,” Dina pauses smirking. “, you can come over whenever you want.”

You brushed off what she had said, she was probably just being friendly. She tapped your shoulder as if gaining your attention. She had started walking again for more of your tour.

You both keep walking, Dina points out buildings and landmarks as you go.

Eventually, the pair of you end up at the dining hall - which you recognized. “The community center is right next door, it’s where most people hangout - and there’s movie nights on Fridays.” Dina explained.

She smiles a bit, waving off the dinning hall. “There’s something I want to show you - come on.”

“Oh? What is it?” You followed her willingly with a gentle smile.

Dina pauses for a second, her eyes glittering with an idea. She steps forward to you and smiles. “Close your eyes, no peaking.” You realize how close she is now but close your eyes anyway.

You feel her hand interlock with yours. “Ok…I’ll guide you-“ She says excitedly.

She walks forward past a few buildings. As she walks, she squeezes your hand gently. “Almost there.”

You shake your head keeping your eyes closed. “You better make sure I don’t smack my head into anything.” You joke gently, she laughs. “Ok, open your eyes!”

As you open your eyes, you see a giant snowman - it was probably built by all the kids.

“What do you think? Isn’t it awesome?” Dina asks grinning. Her excitement is almost contagious. “You said you were lonely and didn’t have any friends so - I thought I’d introduce you two. I’m sure you’ll hit it off just fine.” She snickers at her own joke.

You smile shaking your head. “Oh, ha ha very funny.” You pause. “Wanna know what else is funny?”

Dina looks at you curiously. “Wha-“ But before she can even ask, you throw a snowball right at her chest. Dina squeaks abruptly as she feels the snow ball hit her. In contrast, you laugh wildly.

“Oh, so that’s how it is?” She asks, grinning while she grabs a handful of snow. She throws it at you in retaliation.

You laugh as the it hits your shoulder. “Oh! I’m so getting you back!” You exclaim as you hide behind the snowman for coverage while you try and gather the snow in your hands.

Dina grins at you, excited by the sudden snowball fight. “Oh, you’re definitely getting it too!”

You roll your eyes at her comment. And now everything is quiet. You don’t hear her crunches in the snow-

Dina then, jumps on your back and you both fall into the snow laughing.

Dina laughs loudly and falls onto her back, you both burying into the snow.

The two of you are now lying down, in the snow. For a moment, Dina looks into your eyes before she leans closer and whispers in your ear.

“I think I like you.” Her voice is very soft, but still audible for you to hear.

Your heart skips a beat for a moment as you look back at her and smile lightly. “Well, you have been flirting with me all day…” You tease.

Dina’s cheeks turn pink, but it could’ve just been from the cold air. “And, I’m going to keep flirting with you.” She says in another whisper. She leans in and rests her head near your shoulder. “Wanna know a secret?”

You nod and smile looking down at her. “Hm?”

Her lips gently brush your neck. “You make my heart pound so hard…” She admits. “I’m going to go bonkers for you soon.”

You can’t help but laugh at her wording. “Bonkers, huh?” You look at her with a smile. “Guess we’ll have to do something about that.” You return her flirty comments.

Dina grins at your response. “We certainly aren’t the only people in Jackson that have been…bonkers.” She jokes, poking you.

“Stop saying bonkers!” You laugh towards her before you stand - helping her up. “Let’s get some hot chocolate, it’s fucking cold.”

She stands taking your hand as you walk. “Hot chocolate.” She confirms. “…to heat things up a little more.” She winks.

You roll your eyes at her with a laugh. “Yeah, yeah. Shush.”

As the two of you walk in the snowy, winter terrain - Dina pulls you closer to her, her voice slightly husky. “You’re pretty damn beautiful…”

Smiling again, you tease her. “You’re bonkers.” Now an inside joke. You take her hand in yours again and continue walking.

[makememadscientist]

I just read A Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes and watched the SuperCarlinBrothers videos about the Hunger Games series they put out the last few weeks. There were some interesting points made but I actually disagree completely with the theory that proposed Coin orchestrated Katniss being a tribute for the 74th Hunger Games. I think it's pretty clear that there are already rebels in place in positions around District 12 and within the industry of the Games in the Capitol but I don't think they were pulling the strings yet. They may have been instructed to aid any tributes that looked promising but I don't think it would have been anything more than that until after Katniss and Peeta won.

The videos also suggested that, as with Lucy Gray in the 10th Hunger Games and possibly (probably) the twist of the Third Quarter Quell, the reaping isn't beyond tampering with. People love that Katniss isn't a "chosen one" in the books and I completely agree. I think that her being a tribute was completely unplanned for and a result of her love for her sister.

But I don't think this discredits the idea of the reaping of tributes not being completely random. In fact, I think it's possible that there is unspoken pressure to make sure that tributes from District 12 wouldn't necessarily be good candidates because of President Snow's history with Lucy. Yes, District 12 is the smallest and poorest district. And yes, if the Career Districts actually have some people training for the Games it makes sense that they win the most often. But I also think it's telling that District 12 NEVER wins. In 63 years District 12 has won once! I don't think that is unintentional.

Here is where we kind of go into headcannon territory. Now it has been a few years since I've read the Hunger Games trilogy so take this with a grain of salt, but it seems to me that it is possible that a 12 year old girl who is known to be extremely kind and compassionate doesn't seem like an ideal tribute. I think Prim's name being called was random but I also think that it's possible that her pick wasn't as unlikely as it would appear to be.

It is entirely possible that, even though Snow is not the type of person who would ever advertise weaknesses if it could be helped and a great deal of his relationship with Lucy was obfuscated, there is still some lingering whispers about him having a particular problem with District 12 victors even if the specifics are not known. If that is the case, people trying to garner favor may influence the reaping so that tributes that are chosen for District 12 are less likely to win.

From the description I remember of Haymitch and his Games I don't think he sounds like someone who would have been expected to win. I also don't think that Peeta, although strong, would have had the drive to compete well enough to win if Katniss was not there as an incentive. Gale and Katniss both have their names entered more times than most but are also known to be capable hunters. Even the Peacekeepers (if I'm remembering correctly) know that the two are capable. It is entirely statistically possible for candidates like them to never get called at Reaping but I also think it's possible that candidates like them are specifically not chosen for District 12. At best, there may be incentive to just not say the names of people if they seem too capable or at worst their names are removed entirely from the running. If names like Katniss' are removed, suddenly a 12 year old girl with slim odds of being chosen suddenly has higher odds to battle. In which case, in a funny way, Katniss is the very opposite of a "chosen one" as the LEAST likely to be chosen.

[fairyyeo]

last christmas ❅ bang chan

pairing — ex!chan x reader

genre — fluff, very minor angst

tw — talk of self doubt & insecurity

wc — 1.3k

a/n — first fic in this year’s xmas series inspired by xmas songs !! really happy with this one, i hope you guys enjoy <3

————

the wedding ceremony was truly lovely. if it had been your own you would've been thrilled with how it came together.

it was pretty much a winter wonderland. you almost felt as though you were in a fantasy realm filled with vast snowy fields and endlessly falling snowflakes. the arch under which the couple—close friends of yours—stood was made to look like twisted white branches, and the seats everyone sat in were of a similar fashion, somewhat resembling white tree stumps. taking advantage of the holiday season when planning the wedding was certainly a nifty choice, you'll admit.

better yet, you really liked the icy blue bridesmaid dress the brides had picked out for you. and the wintry themed jewellery. and the glassy shoes that might as well have been cinderella's glass slippers. you'd even go as far to say you felt pretty, looked pretty.

however, feeling and looking pretty didn't distract from the fact that he was here. you'd already seen him sitting in the opposite row during the ceremony, because unfortunately for you, the brides are also close friends of chan.

it'd been about a year since you broke up. in fact, it was last christmas.

you’d been in love. you'd spent the day together on christmas eve, exchanged gifts and happily talked over a meal while christmas carols played somewhere in the background. later that night, the christmas movie you'd been watching long forgotten as you moved to the bedroom, you gave him all of you. but the next day—christmas morning—he was gone.

you never found out why.

you'd think a year was enough time to start the moving on process, and it was... kind of... not really. but seeing him again tonight, well, he might as well have taken one of the decorative icicles and stabbed it right through your heart. that's how much it hurt.

of course you'd seen chan a hundred times and some more since that dreadful day, being in the same group of friends and all, but it never got easier.

not when you still loved him. not when he looked ravishing in that almost navy blue suit. not when your eyes kept unexpectedly meeting from across the room.  

the wedding reception was well underway as you sat idly at your designated table. people were drinking, getting a little out of control on the dance floor, surrounding the brides in their first few hours of marriage.

it was meant to be happy, but you couldn't feel it. you weren't expecting the effects of last year's tragic christmas to linger for so long, or to come back in full force so close to christmas day.

tears brimmed your eyes. you stood up and headed outside before anyone saw them slip and turn into tiny ice crystals, suitable for the seasonal wedding theme, of course.

it was freezing out in the courtyard. luckily it wasn't snowing in that very moment, but there was a very light layer of snow covering the brickwork and the outdoor furniture. you knew you shouldn't stay outside for long, it was way too cold, you just needed time to pull yourself back together.

crying over chan was absurd.

he left you. on christmas morning. before you even woke up. after your first night together. you should be angry with him if anything. but somehow, you didn't have it in yourself.

your arms snaked around yourself, trying to create some warmth as a voice from behind startled you.

"it's cold out here." you recognised chan's voice, pointing out the blatantly obvious.

you sniffled and dabbed your eyes a little as a shiver wracked your body.

"wait, are you crying?" he was shucking off his jacket now. "c'mere."

chan placed his suit jacket over your shoulders before you had time to protest against it. damn him for being nice when he was the one who break your heart, the reason you were crying.

"now are you going to tell me what's wrong, or do i have to coax it out of you over hot chocolate like i used to?" chan rubbed his hands over you arms to try and warm you up more, and leaned his head in a little closer, insistently.

like i used to.

damn him. you gave the coldest stare you could manage to the man you somehow still loved.

"no," he shook his head, "don't tell me..." his hands fell to his side.

"don't tell you what, chan? that i'm crying because even a year later, it still hurts to see you? is that not what you wanted to hear?" you really did try to sound mean, but your wobbly voice and teary eyes betrayed you.

"it's been a whole year though..." chan frowned, taking a step back from you.

"yeah," you laughed dryly, "a whole year since i showed you all of me, since i told you i loved you, since you said it back, since you left the next morning without explanation, since i had to just get on with my life like nothing happened."

chan looked guilty and immediately broke eye contact with you.

he was about to speak when you added, "and the worst part of it all? despite everything, i still love you."

"you still love me?" he breathed.

"for some stupid reason, yes."

"i never stopped loving you either." chan dared to step forward again.

"then why did you leave christmas morning?" you pulled his suit jacket closer to your body, trying to keep warm.

"i," he sighed, "after that night," he paused again, and an icy breeze flew past the two of you, "after that night i began to doubt if i was enough for you. i mean, you were beautiful—you are beautiful. i just felt wildly insecure and it made me question if i even deserved you. so i left. i knew i shouldn't have, but i didn't have it in me to explain it to you at the time."

the tears filled your eyes once more. you weren't exactly sure how to respond.

all you could manage was a change of topic. "aren't you usually too busy for weddings and all this jazz?" you motioned to the reception inside.

it's true that back when you were dating, chan hardly even set aside time to celebrate his own birthday. he was so dedicated to his work. you could argue that he was almost too dedicated for his own good.

"yes, usually i am." he laughed a little. "but the truth is that i was hoping to see you here tonight. the holiday season reminded me of what i did and it made me overwhelmingly uneasy. tonight i came to say sorry, most of all." chan grasped your ice cold hands in his own.

"chan," you whispered his name, "you're beautiful."

his eyes flickered away from your gaze.

in a moment of courage, you placed a hand on his cheek. "please don't look away from me, love."

and in a bigger moment of courage, his kissed you. deeply.

and you kissed him back. because it was the only thing you'd dreamed of every night for the last year.

"chan, what if someone sees us?" there was a massive glass door between you, in the frosty courtyard, and the wedding guests, inside the toasty warm venue.

he said nothing, but pulled you behind the closest outdoor pot plant, which thankfully, was big enough to hide you from anyone glancing outside.

"do you ever think about how many nights we could've had like that one?" chan said between trailing hasty kisses along your neck.

"every single day, you fool." you smiled, and you felt chan smile against your neck.

"i swear i'll make it up to you, if you let me." he mumbled against the shell of your ear, hands working their way under his suit jacket you wore and over your body.

you threaded your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck and felt his whole body relax, you knew he loved it when you did that. "only if you promise that you'll be there tomorrow morning."

"i promise," chan looked at you right in the eyes, his hands settling on your hips and pulling you flush against his body, "that i'll be there tomorrow morning, and the morning after that, and the morning after that, and every morning after."