#and you know what. I’ll say it. anya is not a fun character to me

[lesbiansanemi]

I truly do not get the spy x family hype….

[dailydegurechaff]

Hand over your YS fic/fic recs

I feel like I may end up disappointing u anon, chances are probably high that my recommendations list won't be all that different from any of the many other lists out there;; but also. if you're asking, well... I will take whatever excuse to just start chattering, whether it be about others' fics or my own. This is probably going to be a long post, I’m so sorry ^^; For everyone’s sake, I’ll put it under a cut

OK SO, this list is literally all over the place, these aren’t really in any particular order and I confess that for a few of them I actually read them a while ago/I don’t remember some very well. I just went through my Ao3 history and pulled the links for the ones I remembered enjoying. I’m gonna try my best to not spoil them and keep it brief so I don’t rant on and on. ALSO. Probably most of these are unfinished, sorry about that rip ;;

We Are Each Our Own Devil by victoria_kay Alright, this one first and foremost. This one literally lives rent free in my head. Do NOT let me get started on this one I am capable of talking about it for paragraphs upon paragraphs. It was the first YS fic I read, it also happens to be the first instance of me ever using Ao3's download button. I have to say, I usually prefer genfic over romance but this is one of my exceptions bc the writing is That Good. Tanya & Lergen are easily top favorite characters for me and here they are!! Interacting!!! We love to see it. Slowly watching them grow and sdfghjdfgh. I've read this fic in full more than once and now that I have it downloaded I frequently go back and reread some of my favorite parts. god. ok ok. time to move on.

A Young Girl's Guerrilla War by Ragnarthesemigreen Long fic, Code Geass crossover. I literally did not remember most of Code Geass when i read it, but I still thoroughly enjoyed this fic. I marathoned this fic over the course of like a week maybe(?) over a month or so ago so specific details are a bit lost but i remember loving it. I wanna reread it again soon.

A Young Woman's Political Record by jacobk You cannot have a Youjo Senki fic rec list without this one. I don’t actually use spacebattles, but I finally went on there recently to see what the hype was about. This is another one I marathoned over the course of a few days simply bc i could not stop reading, so suffice to say it did live up to my expectations.

A Young Girl's Weaponization of the Mythos by Zahariel_Scholar AAA I love mythos aus so much. I made fan art for this one actually. It’s great writing, the author switches it up between epistolary style writing and character POVs which is really fun structurally. It’s an ongoing fic so its nice to have something to tune into on a regular basis

War Record of Young Girl and Boy by Fey_Storyteller An OC/Self Insert fic!! I know these kinds of things aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I love them. A retelling of YS featuring Tanya with a fellow isekai-er (? That is not a word. I cannot think of the correct word. Whatever) ALSO. It features art too!

Crushing on a Devil by TanJaded Yet ANOTHER one I marathoned. Again, usually I stick to genfic, but this is one of my exceptions. Mark my words, this one is getting fan art one day, I swear by it. I have sketches laying around in my files SOMEWHERE I just need to get to finding and finishing them.

TanJaded actually has lots of good fics!! I confess I haven’t read all of them but I will list a few more off the top of my head that I specifically remember liking. By no means is this it tho, check out their full ficography

The Dangers of Magical Combat by TanJaded We love some angst

Deliver My Heart (and not just my Mail) by TanJaded this one was just so cute <3 ;u;

Not Televised by TanJaded The ~vibes~ on this one. Impeccable. Im looking forward to where this one might go

Mage×Family by SwissChocolatess Spy×Family Crossover. Tanya is adopted alongside Anya into the Forger family

The Meditations of a Young Woman by FallQM A Legend of Korra Crossover

A Young Woman's Alchemy by CheshireTwilight A Full Metal Alchemist Crossover

Tanya Degurechaff and the Philosopher Stone by Half_Baked_Cat (demonbunny3po) A Harry Potter Crossover

(edit: removed a fic from here bc the latest update seems a bit... well it makes me dubious about where its gonna go from this point forward so I dont think its something I want to recommend anymore)

Tanya's Wings (and all that they imply) by Anonymous Hydra!Tanya au. It’s so cute, angry little baby dragon Tanya omg ;; I wanna make fanart for this one eventually, I’ll get there one day.

The Pixie of the Hidden Leaf by Dakion Naruto Crossover. Actually, I don’t know anything about Naruto (theres a guy with a frog, right? Dattebayo?), but despite this I’m having fun reading this one. Another one that’s currently updating so its fun to tune in

Rising Heroine Tanya by BrettFire A BNHA Crossover

Stuffiness by Winter (ImmortalBlackWinter) Very short, but still highly recommended. I really do love some painful endings ;;

I Have A Bet by psw262 Another short one that I liked

Tanya's Free Time by ForeverEvanescent Cute Tanya :,)

The Uniform Crisis by Kat_Ivu More cute Tanya

As you can see I've sort of given up on the commentary sorry; It's getting late, I have work tmrw and shit to do tonight, I gotta get a move on with this lol. I havent even drawn tomorrow's post yet ack. So, this is, by far, not an exhaustive list, I would love to elaborate more and put in more links but maybe another time

As for my own fics, I have a bunch of them kinda half-written but unfortunately I haven’t actually finished or posted any of them yet;;; orz. I do kinda want to talk about them anyway tho bc you did ask and, well, I'm not gonna just not take the opportunity to talk abt my things, but I’ll try to keep it brief and restrained to the stuff thats most likely to be posted some day

Tanya’s Peculiar Behaviors This isn’t really one fic, but more like a group of one-shots. Basically I try to see how much out of character I can get away with while still remaining relatively plausible/canon-adjacent. I have three sort of half-written one-shots right now, some very quick summaries of each: -- The one where I try to justify Tanya carrying around a stuffed animal; This was a bit inspired by Tanya's Free Time in the recs above -- The one where Tanya has a breakdown after the Brest Naval Base thing; Lergen accidentally catches her crying and is like oh god oh fuck what the hell is wrong with her -- and lastly the one where Tanya uses the type 95 just a bit too much and oops now she’s broken

Untitled/The one where I lock them in a room together Tanya von Degurechaff and Erich von Lergen accidentally get locked in a room together and are forced to have a civil chat to pass the time. Also, Tanya screws up an orb-less communication spell to call for help, and now Lergen can hear what she’s thinking, so that’s less than ideal.

Untitled/The one I’m jokingly calling Child Soldier × Family You could sort of call it a Spy × Family AU? But honestly I think I’d call it more ‘inspired by’ than a proper crossover. Basically, they lose the war, and for spying reasons, Tanya gets adopted and has to go to school to make friends to get intel on their families. Key differences from SxF though: Tanya’s technically the spy and there isn’t any fake-marriage aspect to the story comparable to Loid and Yor’s relationship. Perhaps my favorite part of it, Lergen takes Loid’s role as Father Figure bc both of them share the character trait “frequently gets stomach aches due to the stressful little girl they have to deal with” lmao

This is Heaven and Hell Tanya manages to usurp Being X and takes control of the universe/Being X’s power. If you’ve seen Madoka Magica, the vibes I was aiming for with this one are comparable to the end of the Rebellion movie. Tanya rewrites the universe, everyone’s memories are a little janky, she’s struggling with her newfound status as Literally God, etc. I intended it to be kind of angsty but literally everything I touch somehow becomes a comedy so this thing may get broken into two different versions the funny one and the hopefully more serious one.

To Those Without Power, Sin was Charged That fallen Angel!Tanya au I posted about before. Basically: Tanya is one of the many angels in charge of judging souls for their next reincarnation/eligibility for the afterlife. When they one day express that they don’t believe faith should be a necessary factor in those judgements, they’re cast down to Earth as punishment. Another one where I cant decide whether to go the serious route or the comedy route.

There are quite a few more drafts but those things are either A) probably unlikely to get finished or B) never seeing the light of day if I can help it purely for the reason they’re self indulgent cringe :,)

Alright finally, if you got this far reading through this post: hello. thanks for coming along for the ride of touring my Tanya-addled brain, I hope u got something out of it

Having read through this post and you have any fic recs for me, I will gladly take them, I am always looking for stuff to read.

thank u, bye <3

[giggly-squiggily]

hi 👀

sorry about the randomness but i thought itd be cool if you could draw out your fav character(s)! anything goes, just whatever you want!

but ye I know it says your requests are open for writing only but why not shake it up a bit dhdhdj of course you dont have to do this <3 hope youre doing well!

Hey friend! Tada- I has did it!

Not gonna lie- I had all the intentions of coloring this/making it look extra pretty- but I woke up with a fever and said “Doodle time!” Honestly I’m loving it though- it was really freeing.

This was a really fun change of pace with requests! Thank you for giving me something new and refreshing to do! :D Maybe I’ll do more drawing requests in the future :3

Characters and whatnot under the cut!

1.) Dante Falzone (Piofiore Fated Memories), Ichika Hoshino (Collar x Malice), Arsene Lupin (Code Realize)- It was hell picking which characters I wanted to draw to represent my love for visual novels, but these three are some of my favorite routes/heroine! (I say that despite not playing Piofiore yet...*hides face in shame*)

2.) Takeru Sasazuka and Mineo Enomoto (Collar x Malice)- That said naturally I couldn’t leave my husbands out of the drawing! Mineo just wants a hug, but Takeru isn’t giving him any (Should have brought donuts)

3.) Nobara Kugisaki (Jujutsu Kasien)- Queen! I love her so much in the anime and manga! That last fight in the anime was *chef’s kiss* Perfection!

4.) Gundham Tanaka, Chiaki Nanami, Korekiyo Shinguji (Danganronpa)- My top three favorites! I love love love all these characters! Chiaki’s playing an indie game (you can decide which one) while Korekiyo’s watching her win.

5.) Mitsuri Kanroji (Demon Slayer)- My WIFE! I love her so much ajjkekjkjlekljajklreklj

6.) Katsuki Bakugou (MHA), Chobi Aza (Hell’s Paradise), Sanemi Shinaguzawa (Demon Slayer)-

7.) Rui (Demon Slayer)- The best demon! Rui is my favorite of the 12 Moons! :D

8.) Arthur Boyle (Fire Force), Shoko Komi (Komi Can’t Communicate)- Rumor has it Arthur heard she’s a princess so he came to protect her (That’s what king knights do, my lady!” “........”) Komi didn’t know what to do but went along with it anyway.

9.) Zucker (Animal Crossing) The best villager! I had to include at least 1 octopus as a favorite- it’s a Squiggly rule!

10.) Anya Forger, Loid Forger, Yor Briar (Spy x Family)- My babies! I love them so much! 

Thanks for viewing! :)

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

Finished “Spy x Family” chapter 79:

You know, even though it’s another chapter where not much happened, I’m giving it a pass since it’s a Yor-centric chapter. At this point, I’ll take what I can get, especially since it feels like the series has turned into Anya’s school stories/Loid and Nightfall shenanigans. And also, the humor feels tighter. Maybe not necessarily a return to form since it’s still not as funny as the first few chapters, but there’s an improvement. It’s at least funnier than these last few chapters.

If I had to gripe, I’ll say that while Drunk Yor is a fun way to mine for comedy, it does at times feel a little too infantile. I mean, I know she’s drunk, but sometimes it feels like an excuse to write a grown woman acting like a child. And that’s kind of how Yor feels as a character in her recent appearances, like she’s regressing in maturity but the story gives an in-universe excuse for her behavior. “It’s because she’s drunk”. “It’s because she’s socially awkward”. “It’s because she doesn’t get normal people”. “It’s because she’s just weird”. “It’s because she’s flustered by Loid”.

I’ll let this go…but not gonna lie, part of me does wonder if Tatsuya Endo feels more comfortable writing children characters. It would explain why Anya takes up way more panel time than her parents, as well as all the focus on Anya’s friends. Also, it’d explain the series, at certain points, feeling like it was written for little kids. That said, I don’t really have a gripe with Yor being infantilized, there are worse things I have gripes about with this series. I just prefer adult characters to act more like adults, which I admit might be a personal thing since I’m getting old.

(I won’t say how old I am, but I will say that my favorite childhood anime was “Bleach”.)

So, for a score, I give this chapter 6.5 out of 10. It’s okay.

[amberfaber40]

Amanda Seyfried on why she will never divert away from her personal style

Amanda Seyfried on why she will never divert away from her personal style

The actress opens up about the challenges of red-carpet dressing and what she thinks makes a great investment piece

Jenna Ortega's Shag at the SAG Awards

Ortega has been on a roll this year since the debut of "Wednesday" on Netflix, and her retro shag haircut was equally as edgy as her character. The

Amanda Seyfried Is a Woman We Love

Because of those eyes, and that smile — even when it's filled with tabbouleh. Of these things we're sure.

Pastures New: Amanda Seyfried for The EDIT

Amanda Seyfried

Amanda Seyfried on playing Elizabeth Holmes in The Dropout & life away from the spotlight

Read the exclusive interview with Amanda Seyfried on PORTER

Amanda Seyfried still feels uncomfortable on the red carpet. As one of Hollywood’s most recognisable faces, you might assume that she wouldn't be fazed by it, but, like so many A-list actresses, she still struggles to feel at ease in the unusual situation. Posing in front of so many photographers will always have its challenges, she tells me, and no matter how much experience you have, it rarely feels like a natural thing to do.“I really enjoy experimenting with fashion on photoshoots, but the red carpet is a different animal; it’s very brief and it’s very frantic,” she says, speaking to me over Zoom from her kitchen table, dressed down in a cosy knit. “You don’t really have enough time. When I’m on a shoot, it feels more like acting – it’s more about the art in fashion, which is really fun for me. You can take as long as you like to feel comfortable and make the clothing work for you, which just isn’t really the case on the red carpet.”Because of this, Seyfried feels that she has boundaries with red-carpet dressing, knowing what she will feel at ease in. The actress has been working with stylist Elizabeth Stewart for years, someone who she says truly understands her style.“Elizabeth is so savvy – she is so amazing and I trust her so much,” she says with a smile. “She has these incredible relationships with designers, and she always finds the pieces that she knows I will like. She understands what will look good on my body and she knows my boundaries with fashion, and I am so grateful for that.”In terms of the process that goes into finding those amazing red-carpet looks, Seyfried says it is all down to Stewart, who brings a rack of clothes over to her house, which will always have something on that she’ll love. “It’s actually always very easy. Every once in a while – maybe once a year – I’ll see something in a magazine that I want to try, but almost always, it is something she has chosen, something she has put on hold, knowing I will love it.”Tristan Fewings //Getty Images Related Story Life Lessons with Anya Taylor-Joy For Seyfried then, much of her focus in fashion is about her down time, where she chooses to wear things that prioritise comfort over anything else.“I think my style has really always stayed in one place – it has evolved here and there and of course my body has changed when I’ve had kids, but I have always been one to wear sweatpants as often as I can, and when I wear jeans, it is going to be the same jeans I have had for years,” she explains. “It just works for me so I don’t move away from it. And look, I live on a farm for the most part now – no one is photographing me, so I just dress how I want.”This, to her, is what timeless style is all about: consistency. “I think it’s about not fitting into one era, you know, not fitting into a trend. For me, it’s really just been about what's comfortable over the years and so I feel in that sense that my style is timeless – I could be from anywhere, from any era; I never want to embrace trends or fleet from one thing to another.” She pauses, thoughtfully. “Maybe that’s because I’m just not brave enough, but I think that embracing what truly feels like you, and what you feel comfortable in is how you look your best.”CourtesyRelated Story Video: Inside Iris Law's beauty bag But comfort doesn't have to mean boring. While Seyfried may have her capsule wardrobe down to a T, she is all about investing in those very special pieces, those which elevate your everyday style.“Good jewellery is what I will invest in. It’s powerful because you can really embrace your own style with jewellery; you can make it your own. I will also invest in great shoes – I’ll overspend with them – and also I will spend money on cashmere, cosy jumpers I’ll wear forever, and a great watch.”As one of the faces of Jaegre-LeCoultre, she knows a lot about how to choose the right timepiece. Her top tips? “It has to be something that you are not afraid to wear all the time. It needs to be a watch that feels like it's part of you, and maybe you can’t remember a time when you didn’t have it, you can’t believe you used to not have it. You need to feel like, ‘How did I ever not own this? How did I walk around without this?’”“And I think this can be the case for very luxurious, extravagant watches too,” she adds. “I remember when I first tried on the Rendez-Vous watch – and I could see why it would be intimidating to wear because of all the diamonds. But I remember doing a shoot wearing it, styled it with a simple black turtleneck, and the pictures were just extraordinary. And I thought, yes, it’s very expensive – it’s exquisite – but it’s also extremely elegant and can add so much character to what you wear, even if you are just pairing it with jeans, maybe especially then.”CourtesyHaving such a close relationship with the brand has also allowed Seyfried to have even more respect for the beauty of the watches, now that she fully understands what has gone in to creating them. It's why this relationship has been successful for so many years.“Jaegre-LeCoultre is the master of watchmaking. It’s great to work with a company which is built on precision and attention-to-detail – their value is in these incredibly beautiful pieces, and getting to understand everything that goes into the making of these is just so incredible. Everything becomes even more special.”Working in fashion, and having access to such beautifully made products, has clearly made Seyfried appreciative of the power behind what we wear. And, whether in full glam on the red carpet or dressed down on the farm, she knows how personal style can tell the story of who we are – which is why she never wants to divert far from what she knows she loves.“Fashion is an extension of who we are and what we represent,” she says. “We are capable of expressing so much of ourselves in what we wear – it makes us feel seen before we even open our mouths.”Related Story Kate Hudson: What you don't know about me

[mntalbrakdown]

Dreadful Energy

Sebastian Stan x actress! Reader

Requests open!

Mentions: of angst, and implied smut

masterlist!

“Hello mama!” you say with a big grin Sebastian couldn’t help but laugh.

“That is y/n y/l/n, and I am Sebastian Stan”

“And we are doing the Wired Autocomplete Interview” you go on saying what you and your costar are about to do. You get a board from the workers behind the camera and say thank you.

“Ok, so the first question, is y/n dating Sebastian Stan," you said giving off a half-hearted chuckle.

"Straight to the point, I love it." you ignored the question and continued going on, "Also do you guys have a trash can, I don't want to throw it on the floor," they handed you a small trash can and you said thank you.

"Someone is a bit OCD" Sebastian joked

"It's not being OCD, it is being polite, continuing on, when is y/n’s birthday" you threw the paper into the trash can. "I am wondering you searched this up to find my zodiac sign, which means you want to know if we are compatible, which also means you like me, or you just wanted to know my birthday, well my birthday is on-"

"y/b/d" Sebastian cut you off, you looked at him and bit your lip, you nodded gesturing he was correct.

"what are some movies y/n will star in," you read aloud "Umm, there are a bit of projects coming up, not only films but some other things in the works, but for movies specifically, that the public shall now know, I'll be in the Black Widow movie and I'm actually starring alongside Anya Taylor-Joy which will be exciting" you can feel Sebastian's eyes burning into you.

"Ok, last one for me, what is y/n y/l/n favorite scent or smell? Great question, I hope Sebastian can answer this" you look over to him meeting his blue eyes.

"Easy, strawberry, she literally has her whole house smelling like strawberries, plus her perfume is strawberry, wait isn't strawberries your favorite fruit?" Sebastian asked

"Yes," you said through a laugh "May I break this?" you asked referring to the board, they said yes and you broke through it

“You did that so respectfully" you laughed at what Sebastian had said

"My turn! Thank you, hand me that trash can will ya'?" You put the trash can in between the two of you.

"Someone is a bit OCD" you mocked his previous words

"It's not being OCD, it is being polite, continuing on, is Sebastian Stan dating y/n y/l/n" he mocked you and then his face fell. "As much as she's a marvelous person, no," he said through gritted teeth, something in his demeanor changed, you weren't oblivious, but whenever someone says they like you, more than a friend, you always took it as a joke. He cleared his throat.

"How is Sebastian Stan so attractive" he read aloud and laughed, his laugh was contagious and made you laugh.

"Stop guys he's a Leo, you are feeding to his already enormous ego," You said while rolling your eyes. Sebastian laughed at you.

"Not everything is about zodiac signs y/n," Sebastian said with a hint of annoyance

"Of course, that's what a Leo would say," you said with a laugh, confused why Sebastian didn't take your sarcastic tone.

"What is Sebastian Stan's favorite song, umm that's a good question, I usually just listen to y/n's Spotify playlists, as much as she may be annoying, she does make a mean playlist," he said, not looking at you what so ever, he was ignoring you. He finished tearing up the questions and then later broke the board.

"Tom was right, those boards are annoying" the boards were made out of what seemed like styrofoam and you just couldn't handle the styrofoam sound. When you said that Sebastian let out a loud groan.

"Are you ok?" you asked, Sebastian of course ignoring you, you gave up on trying to talk to him, two can play at that game.

As the interview was going to a close, the air progressively got intoxicated with hatred and annoyance. You hated when people were mad when you didn't know why, especially when they don't want to talk about it.

"That was y/n y/l/n and Sebastian Stan doing the Wired Autocomplete Interview!" you ended the video off because you knew Sebastian wouldn't. You thanked everyone who was there and left, leaving behind Sebastian, after everything that happened between you and Sebastian the other day, you thought this interview would go great. Much to your surprise, all you did the night prior was talk and have fun. You got into your car, you gave Sebastian a ride to the interview, so he will need to find a ride now.

"Hey! Wait up" Sebastian said. "I thought you were going to leave me behind" you rolled down your window

"I was," you stated coldly

"Ouch," he said

"I'm not trying to waste my time on someone who is clearly mad at me" you looked at his eyes

"I'm not mad at you-"

"Oh but you are, I can read a room Stan" if words can cut deeper than a knife.

"Fine, I'll find my own way home," He said annoyed, he knew that you were right, he was mad at you. You rolled your window back up. Connected your phone to your car and started driving, you tried to distract yourself from crying.

buzz buzz buzz

"hello?" you answered your phone

"Hey, so I heard you and Sebastian are having some couple issues" Anthony joked and you rolled your eyes. "Did you find a brain in there?" Anthony joked yet again which made you let out a laugh. "Anyways going back to me, you were going to have an interview with him, but if you'd like, I can take it"

"Thanks, Mackie" you sighed hanging up

My loneliness is killing me (and I) I must confess I still believe (still believe) when I'm not with you, I lose my mind give me a sign hit me, baby, one more time. You sang along to the ...baby one more time cover by The Marias that was playing in your car. You didn't want to go home just yet, because if you did then you would overthink, and driving around is much more interesting than crying your eyes out. You stopped at a red light and waited for it to turn green. You looked at the sides of your car, your eyes met with a young man who had this look on his eyes that looked like he recognized you, but doesn't know quite where. You laughed and that's when the light turned green and you sped off.

After a while of doing this, you decided it would be a great idea to just go home. Still listening to your music and driving. When you arrive home you are greeted with rain. A bit confused as to why now it started to rain, but you took it You got your phone, got out of your car, locked it, and started to walk to your front door. To your surprise it was already open, when you walked in you saw the whole cast seated around your living room.

"Hey, how y'all doing?" you asked confused and in the middle of the circle, there was Sebastian sat. You scoffed grabbing his attention and shook your head. Running up your stairs.

"Wait y/n" Sebastian grabbed your arm making you stop, making you look at him in the eyes. Oh, those blue eyes staring deep inside you, knowing your deepest darkest secrets. They have seen it all, your cries, your laughs, the way your eyebrows knit together whenever you are confused, they have seen it all. Oh and don't get me started on those lips, they look so soft, but you will never know because you just can't bring yourself to believe he may actually like you. But that was all cut short with one simple word that leads anyone to a dead end.

"No," you said completely discarding what you have just felt by looking at the man's eyes.

"No?" he was confused the only time you said no to him was when he wanted to go on a ride on Disneyland.

"yeah, no" you confirmed your prior statement.

"y/n wait" but now it was Elizabeth

"I am not going to wait, I don't even know how you got it into my fucking house" you stated confused, everybody looked at Sebastian.

"Well, that's definitely not going to help my case anymore guys" Sebastian looked at them and then at you with pleading eyes.

"No those puppy dog eyes are not going to help you anymore, I am done."

"Why are you even mad at him?" Tom asked

"He never shows his feelings to me, he doesn't want to explain why he was mad at me when we were doing an interview, and acts like everything between us is ok. I am tired of it, and he of all people knows how frustrated I get when he doesn't talk to me. I am not a real-life Marvel character, I can't read minds, nor do I want to" You stated now looking at him. his face looked down.

"Well, fine my bad, I'm sorry that I don't know how to tell you how much I have feelings for you, how frustrated I get when any other person gets a bit too close to you that isn't me. The way I have kissed you more than once and yet you still can’t catch my drift. I thought yesterday I was finally getting somewhere and then all we did was talk and dance, don't get me wrong I love it, but I just wished you can actually read my body language to you and not just the room." He looked at you almost as if there was still much more to say but wanted to see what you had to say.

"Oh," was the only audible sound to come out your mouth and you looked around to see an empty living room once again, and a Tom at the door waving to say goodbye.

"So?" Sebastian looked at you.

"I caught your drift, or maybe I missed it, I don't know just yet, can you show me it please," you said leaning in for a kiss.

"Sure will, princess," he said and just like that, now you were his pretty princess.

[falcor-thee-luck-dragon]

Interviews - Henry Cavill x wife/actress reader

Summary: You and Henry have been married for a couple years now, and when you’re both part of the Witcher cast, fun interviews are to be had.

Warning: nothing but a good time, btw I’ve never written anything like this so I hope it’s good enough that I might feel motivated to write more

-Readers Witcher character is loosely based off my Geralt fic from here (just a little self promotion), but in this case you play a full vampire in this Witcher universe

The days have been long and grueling, filming hours upon hours of stunts and regular acting had taken its toll. Not to mention the countless times in hair and make up paired with costume changes and traveling to film on certain locations.

To say being apart of Netflix’s The Witcher was full of tiring days and some accidental bruises would be a huge understatement. But none of that mattered, nor did you bother to complain when through the thick and thin of it all did you have Henry with you along the way. And your favorite big slobbery bear, Kal whenever he was allowed on set.

Fortunately for you in the beginning of all the craziness, the casting and writers had wanted you specifically for the part of Y/C/N in the new series before Henry even auditioned for the role of Geralt, that was soon given to him after you accepted your fresh role of vampiric heroine.

It was ironically strange in a good way, you had watched your dork of a husband play the Witcher: Wild Hunt a few times before, eventually learning of what Geralt of Rivia was, who Y/C/N was in the story, who Yennefer and Ciri were, Tris and even Jaskier.

Who would have thought that you’d finally get to snag a role side by side with Henry in quite literally one of the most fantastic shows you’ve ever heard of. You didn’t even need to see the show yet to know how well it was most likely to be reviewed. Being a key character in the grand storyline was enough to convince you of how amazing it would most certainly turn out in the finished product.

And after all was said and done, you couldn’t believe how well loved and popular the show truly became in the following months after shooting and its eventual release onto Netflix. The after parties and cast celebrations truly made you blessedly grateful for pulling through to the vary end.

Then again you had your mans Henry by your side every step of the way. He was your rock and you were most definitely his. You know life on set would have been far less entertaining and dreadfully long if not for the lovely company of your dear Witcher, Henry. And so far after the fact, you and a good portion of the cast have been placed in random interviews for the majority of the day.

Reason being, The Witcher has at long last finally premiered and as per usual the people and media live for those cast interviews that always reveal some interesting events. So far this morning you’ve done some interviews with Anya that have gone perfectly fine since the two of you seem to click so well.

Also it helps ease the anxiety of your fellow newer cast mates to the world of continuous interviews with an experienced veteran actor like yourself, who’s gone round the ring more times then you can count. Though you can’t help but wonder how Henry’s doing, considering you’ve been separated since the sessions began at 10am, you’ve had lunch and now it’s about 1 in the afternoon with more hours to go.

Luckily for you, you’ve just been informed of another interview with the man of the hour himself. Saying your goodbyes and well wishes to your fellow cast mates, you stand and follow the guide into the advised place. Aka some really nice hotel room that’s been done up real nice for efficient interviewing, complete with the Witcher insignia on a large background poster and three chairs that happen to look rather comfy.

The camera and sound people nod in acknowledgment as you walk in, you nod back no doubt making their day with your friendliness and adorable smile that quite literally lights up a room. Soon you spot the bubbly yet nervous interviewee who instantly welcomes you into her space like you’re an old friend.

You sit, a bit confused as to where your partner happens to be at the moment, the interviewer, Lauren makes small talk before a door opens and her big bright doe eyes go wide in nervous excitement. A telling smile upon her face as she shifts in her chair before looking back to you again with a happy grin.

Henry says a quick hello to the behind the scenes crew before waving to Lauren, you smirk while watching him get comfortable next to you, “Well, well, well. Get lost on your way up, you know they have guides for a reason.” You tease as he chuckles at your humorous jab, relieved to see you again after a couple hours apart.

“Traffic.” He quips with a shrug.

“Uh huh.” You mutter with a shake of your head before drawing your attention back to Laura, “Can’t take him anywhere I swear, he does this all the time.”

She laughs as Henry pretends to gasp at your teasing, you chuckle along with them before she finally collects herself, “Well, welcome back to London. It��s fantastic to have you both in town once again, and your big beautiful faces all over Leicester Square.”

You both laugh, “Right.” Says Henry, “I guess we do look pretty cool.”

“Hell yeah, I mean where else can I see myself with a giant sword on a building? And anyways look at this beautiful mug,” You say gently squeezing Henry’s cheeks in your hand, “he’s literally killing it out there.” They laugh as you give Hen another playful squeeze before letting go and setting your arm against the chairs cushioned armrest. 

“Alight let’s start.” She says enthusiastically before glancing down at her cards then back up to you and Henry. Then into one of the two the cameras, “Hi I’m Lauren from Entertainment Weekly and today we’re here with the two stars of Netflix’s The Witcher.” She says enthusiastically while giving a nod to you two, indicating that the camera is now focused on you both, “Henry Cavill and Y/N Cavill.”

You both smile in acknowledgment as Henry gives a slight nod, “How you doing?”

“I’m great,” She beams, “So, I’ll get right into it, what do you like most about the story? What really drew you into the script that made you say, yes this is going to be awesome?”

Slapping a hand against Henry’s muscular leg, you hum, “I’ll let Hen take this one he’s a real expert on the linguistics of the whole show.”

“Thanks Y/N/N.” Replies Henry, bemused that you’re making him take the first question.

You nod to him knowingly with a smirk, “Of course.” Knowing how much he loves to talk about the show and also because you’d rather have him use his energy to talk about it then do that yourself. Priorities, right, though in your defense it’s been a long day.

“Well I absolutely love the games and the books themselves are phenomenal works of literature.” He explains, his face glowing with that usual glimmer of excitement in his eyes, “The story and the world of the Witcher is just so rich and full of potential that when I signed on for the show, I immediately knew it would be amazing, no doubt.”

You lean into the arm of you chair, “And of course I was there so that’s always a bonus.”

“That too.” He smiles adorably, “That too of course.”

Lauren smiles, “Great. So, what was it like working together, how was it having your characters interact with one another?”

You smile, setting a hand against Henry’s forearm, “This guy right here.” You deadpan before waving him off dramatically, “So annoying, my god he whined all the time and he was such a drama queen dear lord so ugh....” You start cackling before you can even finish the sentence causing Henry to loose it as well and with that the interviewer.

Shaking your head you rest your hand against his shoulder, “I joke, he was a gem to work with as usual...I mean I feel incredibly blessed to be able to act alongside my husband for months and months every single day. It’s a rarity in this line of work and I’m grateful to have shared this experience...and I guess more so this whole adventure with him as well.”

The interviewer aww’s as Henry tilts his head to lean into your hand that’s still resting atop his shoulder before pulling away just as quickly, the intimate sentiment not going unnoticed by you or Lauren who looks to be enjoying your loving yet calm energy with one another. “That’s so sweet, what about you Henry?”

“Oh yes absolutely,” Agrees Henry to your recent statement, “not only did I have her by my side through it all but the dynamic of our characters interacting together was so fun to shoot. I think the audience will really be able to see their relationship grow on screen into something strong and beautiful like in the books.”

Slow clapping you give him a curt nod of approval, “Well said.”

Lauren smirks, “Seems like it. Well, I was able to catch the premier yesterday and I gotta say...it was fantastic! I couldn’t believe how diffident the two of you looked from how you are now.” She gushes enthusiastically.

The corners of Henry’s lips curl into a proud smile for the fellow crew of the Witcher’s, “Oh that’s great then, honestly we gotta give all the props to the costume and makeup team, they’re so talented and know how to make us look like real badasses.” He adds.

You nod in agreement before grinning at a positive memory of your first interaction with Henry as Geralt, “Oh for sure, I remember during the early stages of production when our characters met each other for the first time, before this we came to set together but went separate ways to shoot our own stuff in the meantime so I never got a real look at him.” You recall with a bright smile as Henry watches your every move, beaming just the same.

“It was so funny, I was in the tent with Freya Allen, the wonderful girl who plays Ciri, and then suddenly her eyes got all big and nervous and I was like, that’s not me right? Something weird didn’t just happen with my costume? And then I turned around to find this man, wig on, face a mess, and his eyes looked so fearsome and different...it was a bit startling.” You say with a chuckle, “I clearly wasn’t expecting to see Geralt right then and there. He just looked so unlike Henry.”

“Yeah, I was almost hurt.” Laughs Henry, “She had to like squint and make sure it was me.”

Rolling your eyes, you shrug, “He had some real creepy looking colored contacts, yunno?”

Henry fake scoffs, “You’re one to talk, I mean when I first say her, Y/N’s eyes were red and she had fake blood spattered all over her face and shirt. Oh, and not to mention those fangs they put on your teeth...we probably traumatized poor Freya that day.”

“Oh shit you’re right!” You exclaim with a snort of concealed laughter, “God I completely forgot about how I looked...now since I think about it, I did that a lot too. I would just walk up to people and be completely oblivious as to what kind of nightmare I looked like, honestly I might have scared one of our producers a couple of times.” You add with a half nervous laugh, it’s true, you did scare some of the crew unintentionally. Most of the time.

Lauren lightly chuckles, “That sounds like you were quite the sight to see then.” She says before glancing back down at her notes, “Alright I have’ta ask, is there anything that you two took home with you from set?”

“Besides Henry every night,” He holds back a laugh while covering his mouth as you nonchalantly continue, “Uh, yes actually I got to take home Y/C/N’s wolf ring that I loved so much and just thought was the coolist thing ever and....uh, I might have stolen some socks too.”

“So that’s why after filming the amount of socks of yours I had to fold increased?” Wonders Henry with a surprised snort of realization.

Turning your head to give him a “no shit” kinda look, you look back at Lauren, pointing your thumb at Henry, “Master sleuth right here, but hey, he folds my laundry.”

“Aw that’s great.” Adds Lauren with a smile before turning her attention to Henry, “What about you Henry? Take anything from set?”

“More then Y/N did actually...”

“He just about took the whole makeup trailer most nights, I swear.”

Henry chuckles, “That. Is true.” He agrees with a nod, “Interesting enough, at home I’ve got Geralt’s armor hung up in our living room and a multitude of other nicknacks that I’ve collected during filming.” He adds, glancing over to you, “So uh, yeah, we were fairly lucky to be able to snag what we could.”

Lauren smiles, absentmindedly shuffling her cards, “That’s awesome to have such special memorabilia, you guys really are fortunate.” She adds before reading off from another card, “Alright you two, care to play a game called guess the image? Witcher style.”

Your face perks up at this, you’re a sucker for interview games and Henry knows it, “Are you reading my mind or something, I have been waiting all day for someone to ask about playing a game.” You gush rather enthusiastically. 

He smiles at your adorableness and how excited you’ve just become, Lauren grins, happy that her suggestion has been so well received, “Okay so how it works is, I’ll show you an image on my iPad and then you have to guess who or what I’m showing you.”

“Oh, cool I’ve heard of this,” You reply, turning to Henry with a smirk, “Loser has to clean Kal’s yard poop for a week.”

Rolling his gorgeous blue eyes he chuckles, “You’re on.”

“Alright, the stakes are high, you two ready?” Beams Lauren, holding her iPad to her chest as she awaits an answer.

“Yes, I’m ready to kick his ass.” You quip, leaning an arm against your chair while Henry does about the same, though he does his best to contain his laughter.

“Okay, first image.” She holds up the device to show some sort of weird golden thing, it’s shiny and hard, worst part is that you’re not entirely sure what the hell it could be.

Sensing your confusion Henry nudges your shoulder, though you ignore it before he smartly answers, “Oh, is that...Renfri’s brooch?” Little shit knows exactly what that is, of course he does.

Lauren claps, “Correct.” Zooming out of the image to show the full picture of the golden brooch, “Right on, that’s one point for Mr. Cavill.”

You scoff playfully, “Beginners luck.” While Henry side eyes you with a humorous grin upon his plush lips, he nudges your arm, “I’m going to really enjoy not cleaning up Kal’s grass turds for awhile.” He mutters lightheartedly, though you know deep down he’s being serious, no way is he going to win this, you think. You won’t have it, hopefully the next few pictures aren’t as difficult, Kal duty is not fun by any means.

“Shut up.” You grumble with a dismissive wave of your hand, though just teasing of course.

“Okay next image.” This time the blurred photo looks much more familiar, soon it clicks as to what the obscured blurriness actually is, yes!

“Got it! Anya’s er I guess Yennefer’s dress from the fight at Sodden.” Lauren giggles, zooming the image out to reveal Yennefer in her tasseled blue and purple dress from the battle at Sodden Hill. “I’m amazing I know.” You boast at Henry with a casual little bow in your seat.

“It’s the second question.” He deadpans, eyes crinkling in amusement as you shake your head at him.

“Pffff get outta here.” You mutter back, gently pushing his arm off of your chairs armrest and setting yours in its place while he gives you a fake shocked expression.

In turn you can’t help the smile that tugs at the corner of your lips, so instead of saying some sassy remark that would no doubt get a reaction out of him, you turn your attention back over to Lauren who’s looking over her notes again.

“Fantastic,” She says, glancing back up at you and Henry, “you’re both tied with one point each. Alright, anyone know what this is?” She asks showing something red and fuzzy, a bit of dirty skin showing from one corner but with The Witcher this bloody image could literally be anything.

The both of you squint, puzzled as to what this could be, “Y/N you got any ideas.” Wonders Henry, brows furrowed as his face contorts into deep concentrated thought.

Raising a brow, you hum, “If I knew I wouldn’t tell you.”

“Fair point.” He chuckles.

Lauren smiles, “Any guesses?”

 After a few concentrated moments, Henry shrugs in defeat,  “I’m stumped.” He admits as you study the image harder, mind racing to put the pieces together as to what the hell you’re looking at.

“No, I think I might know this....erm is it...me?” You wonder, voice raising in question, hoping to be correct about this or face the teasing of Henry.

Lauren quickly zooms out of the obscured image, “It is!” She says excitedly, revealing the picture of you from your characters debut in episode 2 where you save a girl from a werewolf, your mouth is covered in blood and so is most of your costumes chest area and left arm from the struggle. Not to mention the make-up teams fun 20 minutes of throwing fake sticky blood all over you to get the right look for the taxing scene.

You grimace a bit, “Oh god that was quite the day on set,” You recall with a half smile, “I was doing stunts all day covered in that red syrupy dye, I think it took a week to get out of my skin.”

Henry suddenly snorts with laughter, “Right! That reminds me, I thought Kal had gotten cut or something, it was just Y/N who had hugged him not realizing she still had some fake blood on her arm.”

“Jeez that’s right, I felt so bad, but I couldn’t stop laughing once we realized it was just me.”

Lauren grins, excited to hear some hidden information about little things that happens behind the scenes, “Oh wow that must have been a sight, alright Henry, Y/N’s taken the lead with a two to one score.” She says as you playfully nudge his strong shoulder. “Second to last image, what is this?”

Without missing a single beat Henry replies, “Jaskier.”

Squinting at the image you lean closer to the iPad, “How the hell do you see Jaskier?”

Smiling the interviewer zooms out to reveal the bards full outfit from the banquet scene, though he’s in the background of a fight between Geralt and some Cintran knights. “Right on!” She exclaims as you lean back into your seat dumbfounded, shoulder flush against Henry’s as he clutches your arm and squeezes it affectionately.

Ignoring his silent show of victory you shrug, “And they say he’s just another pretty face,” Earning a laugh from Lauren and some of the crew as you smirk at the camera, face them shifting to apologetic, “also I’m so sorry Joey you beautiful bastard apparently I’m blind. Uh, we don’t have to dwell on it, Lauren whatcha got?”

“You guys are both tied with two points each, last chance to win.” She replies before glancing down at her iPad, “Alright, what is this?” She asks, her iPad showing that of fuzzy bright colors, with a small corner smear of dull white that clearly wouldn’t make much sense to the untrained eye.

Smirking you glance at a puzzled Henry before sitting up in your seat, feeling rather good about yourself, “Would that happen to be, Hen in Stregobor’s illusion?” You answer with, though sounding a bit as a question considering you aren’t entirely confident as to what image this is.

Lauren’s brows raise in surprise, “Henry, looks like we have a winner. Y/N you are correct.” She beams, enlarging the image to reveal Geralt’s side profile as he talks to the old wizard while the background stays colorful and shrouded in various arrays of sunlight..

Shaking your fist victoriously in the air you give a couple enthusiastic whoop whoops while Henry simply takes it like a champ, “Have fun cleaning up Karl’s monster turds, cause this lucky lady doesn’t have to.” You boast as Henry and the crew laugh.

“Well that was something,” Beams Lauren, “I’m so glad to have chatted for a bit about your guys’ amazing new series, and maybe ended a relationship in the process.” She says jokingly as both you and Henry chuckle.

Patting his thigh affectionately, you smirk, “He’s a tough old bear, but yeah, it was awesome having you talk to us.”

“Yes, take care now.” Adds Henry while the interviewer Lauren stands, saying her goodbyes as she goes to exit the room.

The camera crew take a small break to adjust things and whatnot as you and Henry wait patiently for the next interviewer. He turns, an adorable smile pulling at his lips while you pretend to ignore his fiery gaze. “Well that went pretty well, minus the fact that I’m on Kal poop duty for a week...but uh...” He leans in close to you now, “I missed you all morning.”

Breaking out into a smile you raise a brow, “Boring without me huh?”

“Always.”

You casually shrug, “I figured as much. Don’t worry, we have a hotel all to ourselves tonight.” Your brows wiggle suggestively causing your blue eyed lover to shake his head with amusement.

“Say it louder next time.” He jokes.

Side eyeing the oblivious crew you begin to speak a couple octaves louder, “Henry I can’t wait to fu..” Suddenly his hand presses against your mouth before you’re able to call any attention to yourself. He gives you a warning look before slowly pulling his hand from your mouth.

You grin mischievously, “I wasn’t gonna say that...”

“Sure Y/N,” He mutters in your ear as a new interviewer walks into the room and finds their chair, “and I’m wasn’t going to make you scream tonight.”

Your brows raise in surprise and admittedly slight arousal at his choice of wording in this room of all places. Eyeing him up, face still showing surprise, you finally break out into a satisfied smirk. “You know what? I think you should consider changing your offer.”

He thinks deeply for a moment, though you know he’s only pretending to get you riled up, “Hrmm...maybe, possibly, should I? Should we? You are my co-star after all, that wouldn’t be very professional now would it Y/N?” He states with a shit eating grin, all done while the crew and interviewer get ready, minding their business and completely unaware to yourself and Henry’s teasing.

Scoffing playfully you lightly swat his arm, “We are way past being professional.”

He chuckles, looking from you to the rest of the room, “Oh, they have no idea.”

[kagrenacs]

Hey Kayd I hope you don't mind me asking you a tes question but you seem to know a lot about it! Do you know/can you suggest a word/phrase that might be used in the elder scrolls setting to mean transgender? I'm aware there's trans characters in eso but I've barely played it and I feel like you may have talked about trans people in the tes setting before :]

 I have!!! This is a thought that frequently consumes me, I love transgenderism. Terms are bolded like morrowind characters because I have ADHD and that splits it up for me a bit more kindly.

Beyond common Tamriellic where I assume you’d just say transgender. From culture to culture it would vary. Some cultures don’t even have a strong concept of gender (Some Argonian groups, dragons, I hc the Dwemer to not have this concept). I’m going to give it my absolute best at the language stuff, but this is definitely not my forte. I could not explain to you what a verb is if my life depended on it. People who know about linguistics absolutely feel free to weigh in. 

In the Argonian language of Jel, Vastei means change, and if you add the suffix -leel, Vasteileel, it would mean something like changed person.

Looking at root words in Aldmeris, ‘Chi-’ as a prefix means changed, we don’t have much on Aldmeris I don’t think, but this guy has a huge dictionary with all those grammar rules i can never quite remember. I’m going based off that. In Aldmeris, transgender individuals might be referred to as Chimen- to change/transform. (I could have went with Chichare- changed individual but it doesn’t flow as nicely). Ayleidoon has a word ’Anyammis’ meaning life/bones (presumably referring to Earth-bones), and a word ‘Anya’ which i’ll take to mean existence. For Old Cyrodillic, you could combine the two into Chianya, changed existence. 

We don’t really have enough on Yoku to come up with any terms from canonical sources. But there isn’t gendered pronouns from what I see, just the singular ‘Dogo’. However there are words for things like ‘son’. Likewise we have nothing on Bretic, and little on Bosmeri, although Chianya could probably apply with common linguistic roots and Ayleid influence after the rise of the Alessian empire.

The Thu’um + legacy translation site might be a helpful resource too. I came up with Vazahmaar, true self in Dovahzul based off canon texts. Legacy says transgender is yaaveiliin. If you wanna get fun with it, the intermingling of cultures and language in High Rock and Cyrodiil might come up with the phrase Chiveiliin, changed gender.

Colloquially, for the Dunmer, Mephalite ‘canonically’ refers to intersex individuals. I’m not sure whose headcanon this was, but I liked the term Azuran for transgender individuals. (I also think these words get reinforced during the years of the Tribunal. Vivec refering to hirself as a Mephalite and being Mephala’s anticipation. Dev texts suggesting Sotha Sil, anticipation of Azura, is a trans man.) And I’m proposing Boethian could imply genderfluidity. In proper context.

And for the Khajiit language of Ta’Agra there’s a few phrases I can come up with. Vaba means ‘to become’ vabazeri means ‘becoming, changing from one to another’ and vaberzarita means ‘has become’. I know very little about Ta’Agra, so i’m going to trust the folks at the translation website when they say afeto means gender and Yenithka means changed. Something like Ahziss va yenithka afeto would mean I’m transgender (Literally I am changed gender). But a colloquial phrase might be Ahziss va vabazeri, I am transitioning. 

[wisehq]

Mission Debrief: Chapter Forty-Four

Battle aboard the Princess Lorelei, everybody!

I think I speak for the whole fandom when I say thank you Endo for finally giving us our long overdue Yor chapter! And not only that, but a whole freaking boat arc to boot!! There was so much that happened this week that I honestly had trouble narrowing down the panels to use for this review. There’s a lot to talk about, so let’s get into it!

First off-!

[rips up all my old reviews]

All of my Shopkeeper theories up until this point have been completely wrong...and I am A-OK with that! I didn’t think we’d actually get to see her this early (I’m assuming it’s a her, but it was never directly stated) and to be honest I’m surprised by her design. She’s unlike any other character we’ve seen till this point; I assume the bags under her eyes to be wrinkles, and she is built very strongly for someone her age. Her gaze has a definite presence, and that hair- good god it’s long! Shopkeeper is certainly intriguing from a design standpoint, which only adds to the mystery of her as we really don’t get to see much of her character despite the panels devoted to her.

We do get to see that Shopkeeper barely approves of Yor being Mrs. Forger, both in the above exchange and her introduction. It’s obvious she prizes Thorn Princess highly as a valuable Garden assassin, and worries that playing house is making her lose her edge. It’s going to be very interesting to see how this plays out further down the road; I wouldn’t put it past Shopkeeper to start keeping tabs on Loid, just to have something in her back pocket should the time come to convince Yor to leave the family (oh the juicy angst).

Moving on, Yor’s mission is interesting (for more reasons than one, which we will get into more later). Instead of killing, she’ll be protecting- a mother and her child no less. I’m willing to bet money that Yor’s going to draw parallels between herself and Olka, if only for the fact that they’re both mothers with a young child. I suspect that’ll come into play more as the arc progresses, given that Anya-

-Is not only a card shark, but also queen of the raffle box!

Ok look, I get it; this was complete bullshit on Endo’s part to finagle a way to get Loid and Anya on the boar with Yor, but dammit if I didn’t love this whole scene regardless. Anya’s determined yet deadpan stare, Loid’s nonchalant attitude about the whole thing, the whole bit about the winning ticket being stuck underneath the lid and Anya using her powers to find it, it was all adorably fun. Plus, it got the Forgers altogether on a boat, so I have no qualms about it!

Also throwing it out there that I loved Handler getting chewed out for overworking the agents and just being like “sure whatever go on a cruise with your family, have fun.” Endo really could have made her the stick in the mud here, but I guess for the sake of time and also Loid’s sanity he went the easy route and made her the fun mom for a change lol

The same goes for the soft moment with Yor and Yuri. It’s no secret I’m not a huge fan of the latter, but anytime the Briar siblings are together having genuine conversation I melt like butter. Not only was it nice seeing Yuri behaving like an adult for a change (for the most part) but also for Yor to start coming to terms with the fact that he’s older and doesn’t need her as much anymore. Instead, we see her feelings slowly start to shift towards Anya towards the end of the chapter. Yor muses that perhaps the best thing she could do is give up assassination, and instead focus on her (not-so) fake family. It’s a new layer of drama to an already thick cake, so we’ll see how it all plays out as the arc proceeds.

I will say that the final panels do give a certain air of tenseness (aside from Loid holding Anya’s hand of course, love it). It certainly sets the scene for something big just on the horizon and given that we know a whole army of assassins is out for blood on a giant cruise ship, you can rest assured it’s going to get messy!

Speaking of, before we wrap up, it’s time to get back to the whole “Yor’s mission is really interesting” thing from earlier. I’d like to highlight what a few people have pointed out already; specifically that this gentleman in Shopkeeper’s briefing-

-looks remarkably similar to a certain someone from chapter one.

Arguing for the side that this isn’t the same character, @eldraftsman​ (calling you out dude xD) points out that their faces are slightly different and their hair’s not quite right, which I will agree with. Looking at it from the other side’s perspective though, it’s entirely possible his design has changed slightly since the very first chapter of the manga. Two years is a long time to tweak a design, let alone how fast Endo is at doing it (just look at Fiona’s introduction vs. how she looks now, all in the span of two chapters). Plus, it wouldn’t be the first time Endo has hinted at a future character way before their proper introduction.

Guy on the right look familiar? Mr. Green in all his glory, all the way back in chapter twenty-seven. For reference, he didn’t show up again until chapter thirty-nine, almost a whole year before he got the spotlight. It’s also clear that this isn’t just him re-using the design; Mr. Green is Eden security, so it would make sense for him to be escorting the mid-term tests. Whether or not the same holds true for our mystery man orchestrating the events of Cruise Ooting Arc (coining it), I guess we’ll just have to wait till the next chapter to find out!

Also, BONUS!

Anya really said “Give me a boat or I’ll give you felonies”

[therealvinelle]

So as of right now who would you cast to play in twilight? And it’s subsequent movies?

You’re making it really difficult for me, anon. This is… well this movie would be ridiculous. You see, I watch very few modern movies. Notice how much of this cast is taken from tumblr, "Little Women", and the MCU.

At least there’s no Ben Barnes.

Alice: Shira Haas

Had to consult a friend for this one.

Shira Haas had her growth stunted by childhood illness, she's a teeny tiny woman. She's the right age too.

Aro: Timothee Chalamet

This one is actually great as far as facecasting goes. Chalamet has the perfect vibe and face for “polite but maniacal ancient, frail-looking over-curious vampire”.

I’m not sure he has the charisma or gravitas needed for the part, I think is Paul in the upcoming Dune movie will tell.

Bella: Freya Allan

She’s very beautiful, the right age, and more importantly she looks delicate and protectable. She nails the vulnerable beauty aesthetic. I think she could pull it off.

Caius: Samuel Jackson, because he’d have so much fun with it. That, and he accepts just about every gig so I might actually get him.

Jackson can put the fear of God into a man and very effectively communicates that he has no time for your nonsense. Caius would be easy as breathing. Also he'd look killer in a white wig.

Carlisle: CGI Henry Cavill

Is he too old, yes, he could be Carlisle's father. Does he look like what I picture from Carlisle, no. But he is insanely good looking, the kind who makes you want to go rethink your life because if you can’t look like that, or have that man’s children, then what’s the point of it all.

His physique fits Carlisle, tall and strong, and he has the charisma for it. He’s one of those who can have no lines in a scene and still be an important part of it.

Besides, in my movie I’d use CGI and a trunkload of makeup on all the actors anyway (we’re assuming I have a ridiculous budget), they’re not supposed to look human.

Edward: I looked up current boy bands, none of the images loaded, then thought about CGI Johnny Depp because my god that man has the range, but then a friend tipped me off to some guy called Finn Wolfhard.

He is the right age, he has very interesting and extreme yet symmetrical features, I don't know if he has the range but he appears to be my best option.

Emmett: Two guys in a coat muscle suit. The one on the top is Tom Holland.

You didn't give me a lot to work with, anon.

CGI and the makeup department will have to bail us out for this one.

Esme: Emma Watson.

She’s not a very good actress, but it’s a small part so she doesn’t have to be. She has the right aesthetic and the right age, I can see her pulling it off.

James: Brad Pitt.

He’d nail it, I’m sure, the guy is a character actor who tragically got lost in the blockbuster scene. I’d be so down for Pitt as James, you people have no idea.

Jane and Alec: Dafne Keen.

She’s amazing, looks the part, and as Alec is a bit part she gets to play both.

Jasper: I’m sobbing, but… Clint Eastwood.

Yes, he’s in his nineties, no I don’t care. No CGI either, just Clint Eastwood as is.

Laurent: William Jackson Harper.

Come to think of it Harper could have made a very compelling Carlisle, but if Carlisle were black he wouldn’t be able to become a doctor in the States in the first place. Twilight would have to be set in another part of the world. It’d be a different story period.

I digress - Harper gets Laurent because he is great at panicking, and that’s really what Laurent has been doing in the face of his life going downhill for the past three hundred years.

Marcus: Margot Robbie.

Look, I have to cast her as somebody in this franchise, but I’m running out of current male actors whose names I know. Robbie is very talented and more, I genuinely think she would relish being swathed in petrified vampire makeup to play this super depressed ancient 19-year-old male vampire.

Mostly I’d cast her to see what she made of the part.

Rosalie: I would have gone Sophie Turner, but she's just not a very good actress. Not good enough for Rosalie, at any rate.

I think I'll say Anya Taylor-Joy instead. I haven't seen her in anything so I can't attest to her talent, but she has the face for the part.

Victoria: Zendaya

I DON’T KNOW A LOT OF CONTEMPORARY ACTRESSES.

Zendaya has a face, she’s an actress, she’s younger than 30. She gets the part. And I do sincerely think she could really look the part. Besides, London has always been a racially mixed city so Victoria doesn't have to be white. Red hair is not an exclusively caucasian trait.

-

All these actors would be slathered in copious amounts of makeup and CGI, and good use of lightning and costumes (think the elves in Lord of the Rings), but yeah, this is... well it's a list. Make of it what you will.

[infcinity]

merry christmas everyone!! this will be doubling as both a starter and a plotting call!! under the cut, you’ll find what each of my characters is doing - and catch me being days late bc the weekend got away from me lmao!! but you know what they say, better late than never!! all starters will be capped at 5 for the moment, please tell me who you’d like a starter for and if you’d like to plot, give this post a like and i’ll hop into your dms! 

all of my starters are now unlimited, so feel free to go wild and request whatever you like !! 

another lil note: the starters i currently owe will not count towards these ones, but they’ll still be mini event starters!

anakin skywalker ( 2 / ∞ ) padme, han, shmi

listen, this mans is having a time right now?? so christmas is the last thing he’s thinking about, but he’s being dragged around by ahsoka and has no choice, so he’s looking for presents, ig. and avoiding talking to anyone tbh

annie james ( 0 / ∞ )

will be checking out all of the different stalls to see what there is, she absolutely loves christmas markets! so she’ll be spending most of her time there and will be steering clear of any snowball fights and ice skating. 

ben solo ( 2 / ∞ ) r2d2, allana

ben was never really one for christmas ?? or any holidays, but now he’s starting to get the hang of things around here? and he knows that he’s being dragged into a solo family christmas photo at some point so he gotta go. 

brienne of tarth ( 2 / ∞ ) ygritte, jaime

she’s somewhat neutral when it comes to the whole christmas thing? so she will def be checking things out, but isn’t going to go anywhere near any snowball fights or anything like that. 

dimitry ( 0 / ∞ )

not the biggest fan of christmas or of snow tbh?? but he’ll be around buying a few christmas presents for anya and will probably enjoy himself as the time goes on, he’s an idiot and likes christmas deep down tbh

dorcas meadows ( 0 / ∞ )

she’ll be here distracting herself from everything that happened before she came here by browsing all of the stalls and possibly joining in on the snowball fight, and enjoying a fair few glasses of mulled wine too. 

ewan mckinnon ( 0 / ∞ )

christmas is one of his favourite holidays! so catch him buying presents last minute for all of his kids and wife, so if you see him with lots of bags, no u didn’t !!! will probably join in the snowball fight for a bit, but will mostly stick to the stalls. 

fen shafiq ( 0 / ∞ )

fen isn’t a massive fan of christmas, it reminds him of the stuffy parties that he used to be forced to go to as a child, so he’ll most likely be there just to cause trouble tbh?? 

jeyne poole ( 0 / ∞ )

will be dragging anyone who wants to come with her ice skating! she absolutely loves to skate and she’s pretty good at it - will also be browsing all of the stalls to see what people have to sell! 

kanan jarrus ( 0 / ∞ )

catch him doing all of the dad things ??? building a snowman with jacen and taking him to see santa ! he’s new to all of this stuff so will be mostly sticking close to hera and jacen tbh?? 

kirei monsula ( 0 / ∞ ) ahsoka

kirei has never experienced christmas markets really before, so she’s so excited to see what all the stalls are selling!! will def be dragging people to take photos with her and will be attempting to ice skate lowkey i think she’d be p good at it and she’ll also be around the snowball fights!! 

lin beifong ( 1 / ∞ ) asami

is the human representation of the grinch, fucking hates the holiday cheer and will be standing near somewhere that sells alcohol. someone pls drag her away and make her do something fun she’s an idiot. 

mai ( 0 / ∞ )

another somewhat grinch?? she hates snow and hates being cold, so will def be miserable but she knows that she needs to get a few gifts for christmas and wants to actually have some fun. 

may parker ( 0 / ∞ )

this bitch goes hard for crimmus !! her apartment is completely decorated from head to toe in the christmas spirit! but she’ll be def adventuring around all of the stalls looking for things to buy for presents. 

starters I already owe: lois, arwen, mj, sharon, peter & steve. 

molly weasley ( 0 / ∞ )

molly is trying to enjoy the festive season, but without her family around she isn’t as cheerful as she usually would be - so she’ll be attempting to enjoy herself by taking a look around the different stalls. 

starters I already owe: fred, bill, hermione, fleur, george, albus, dora, ron. 

natasha romanoff ( 1 / ∞ ) steve

not that big a fan of christmas?? but will def be checking everything out and keeping an eye out for any trouble - will def be joining in with the snowball fight if some of her friends are. 

niye ( 0 / ∞ )

niye has never really seen anything like christmas before?? so she’s so excited! she’ll be attempting to ice skate and will def be joining in on the snowball fight!! 

robb stark ( 0 / ∞ ) jeyne

not the biggest fan of christmas? but he’s glad for the snow, so he’ll def be joining in on the snowball fight, it reminds him of being home with his family at winterfell. 

sarra palpatine ( 2 / ∞ ) sella, sabina

sarra quite enjoys the holidays, so she’ll be browsing all of the different stalls and getting some presents for the people she works with and for her children as well yes even you sheev

sidney prescott ( 2 / ∞ ) randy, billy

not the biggest fan of christmas? but she’ll def be spending some time looking around at the differnet things to avoid anyone she doesn’t wanna see she be looking @ u billy nd stu!! but she’ll maybe go ice skating or something like that, make her go do stuff. 

sokka ( 1 / ∞ ) suki

shopping and food?? count sokka in!! he’s also interested in the snowball fight, call him the tribe champion bc this boy loves a snowball fight ?? and no powers allowed? take that benders!!!! 

tauriel ( 2 / ∞ ) sam, kili

she actually quite enjoys the idea of christmas, especially the idea of a snowball fight, she’s never really had the chance to do anything like that until she came here, so she’s looking forward to having fun. 

tommy shepherd ( 0 / ∞ )

def like a kid on crack when it comes to christmas, will be bothering every single person that he knows to make them go ice skating with him and will be taking part in the snowball fight too! 

winter celchu ( 0 / ∞ )

will mostly be spending time with family, will def be trying to ice skate and browsing around all of the little stalls to see what else she can buy for her family and friends for christmas 

wrecker ( 0 / ∞ )

wrecker is planning on destroying everyone in the snowball fights!! he’s a massive kid at heart, and will be buying so many presents for his friends! will most likely end up wearing some stupid looking hat. 

[travllingbunny]

Thank you for the tag, @ryder616!

This tag game has unexpectedly led to an interesting discussion about what exactly an “Endgame Ship” means... which seems to be largely open to interpretation. I’m still not sure how I see that term, but for the purposes of this post, but to narrow it down and not mention way too many ships, I’ll take Endgame in two different meanings: for “Favorite Ship(s) That’s Endgame”, I’ll take it to mean pairings that were together and in a happy relationship at the end of the story. But for “Ship(s) You Wish Had Been Endgame”, I will take “Not Endgame” to mean that the ship was not treated as these characters’ main romance at the end of the show, or at least there was a lot of ambiguity and/or a rival ship for one or both characters was instead the current one at the end of the story. (A lot of my favorite ships have the tendency to end up unhappily in spite of being portrayed as the main romance of the story..)

Warning: this post contains spoilers for Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Agents of SHIELD, The Hunger Games, The Leftovers, The Americans and The 100 (though if you’ve spent any time on my blog, you’ve certainly already been spoiled for the ending of The 100) and .

1. First Ship - When I was about 4 or 5, I was obsessed with Lady and the Tramp (I had a book version with a few pictures and it fell apart from how much I was reading it - it may have been my first book that wasn’t mostly a picture book), so I guess my first ship was two dogs (which is really appropriate, since I love dogs). If we’re talking TV, again going back to my childhood, before puberty and before I even knew what “shipping” was, I remember being pleasantly surprised when Raquel first appeared on Only Fools and Horses as a love interest for Del Boy - the show was an episodic comedy where the two brothers, in the early years, usually didn’t have a serious love interest. I thought “oh, he really is in love with her! And she feels the same, and they are so cute together.” I hoped she’d come back and wouldn’t just be a one episode character but a long-term LI. And then I was so happy when that very much did happen. I guess this can be considered the start of my TV shipping (and also an early sign of my love for contuinity and longer arcs on TV).

2. First OTP - Ignoring pre-puberty: at the age of 12, I was really obsessed with Wuthering Heights and Heathcliff and Cathy and read the book who knows how mny times. Regarding TV, I’ve shipped over the years, but I guess the first TV ship I would really call my OTP was in This Life, a 1990s UK drama about a bunch of 20-somethings in London, which I watched on TV in 2001. which now sadly seems almost forgotten. Anna and Miles had an on-off, love-hate relationship throughout - they were sexy, snarky, and it was painfully obvious that they were in love, but these idiots had trouble admitting it to themselves and even more to each other. If it had been a romcom, they would’ve been certain to end up together, but it was a realistic drama.

3. Current Favorite Ship - Bellarke - oh, what an OTP of all OTPs that was before it was stupidly destroyed out of spite. Over the last couple of years, Dark (season 3 mostly) made me really love Jonas and Martha (the first pairing I’ve made gifsets about), and most recently (last month!), I binged Halt and Catch Fire and fell in love with the show and with Joe and Cameron’s relationship (which, I just realized now, shows that my taste in OTPs hasn’t changed in 20 years).

If we’re talking current as in, in current shows rather than finished ones, then  Kanej (Shadow and Bone), Harlivy (Harley Quinn), Gereon and Charlotte (Babylon Berlin) and  Roy and Keeley (Ted Lasso).

4. Your ship since the first minute - I really rarely ship anything from the first minute (unless we’re talking Morticia and Gomez, who are of course already a perfect couple and nothing ever changes there). It usually takes time for me to fall for a ship. A rare exception is Roy and Keeley - their first one-on-one scene in S1 already had huge OTP vibes. 

5. Ship(s) You Wish Had Been Endgame - Do I even have to say it? BELLARKE. A hundred times Bellarke, who were portrayed as endgame before the showrunner decided to retcon and ruin them together with the show overall.

Others: Jessica and Luke in Netfix Narvel shows, May and Andrew on AoS, Willow and Oz; or, depending on how you interpret Endgame, Willow/Tara (some argue that it is Endgame as Tara is definitely portrayed as the love of Willow’s life regardless of everything else). Spuffy (again, there are different opinions as to its status as both the show and the comics ended ambiguously and tried not to have a clear Endgame pairing for Buffy’s character), Xander/Anya (if you take comics into account).

6. Ship You Wish Was Canon - Some would say Bellarke, again, but I tend to consider it canon. It’s debatable, for sure (if you only consider making out/sex and/or “I love you” as markers of canon, it is not canon; if it is enough for the show to make it so blatant in the first 6 seasons that you have to actively search for ways to deny it to make it sound platonic, and for actors to confirm it was portrayed as romantic- than it is.)

So my answer would be: Kastle (Netflix Marvel shows), QuakeRider (AoS), and Octavia and Diyoza (The 100) and maybe Faith and Buffy (mostly in the sense that canon could have explored the nature of Faith’s feelings for Buffy a bit more and a bit more openly).

7. Ship that Most of the Fandom Hates, but You Love - Angel and Darla, May and Andrew, Coulson and Rosalind (hated how it ended though). Miller and Bryan (because they were more interesting than Mackson, and Bryan had a personality), Though “ships that most of the fandom ignores” would be a more apt term. The one that most of the fandom does hate and I like it is Octavia/Ilian - I liked it for what it was, two damaged people finding comfort together in what could have grown into something more - instead of the “we’re ve just met and talked to each other once and we’re already IN LOVE!” trope that the writers of The 100 were so fond of.

8. You Don’t Even Watch the Show, but You Ship It - Why would I ship something from a show I don’t watch?

9. Ship That You Wish Had A Different Storyline -  BELLARKE (duh - the ending). Veronica and Logan (the ending, again). Coulson/Rosalind - they had such an interesting and fun dynamic that could have been explored much more; instead, the writers opted for one of the worst tropes there are, and I hated that entire plotline for so many reasons. Tyrol and Boomer on Battlestar Galactica - what they did with Boomer was crap. Baltar and Caprica - all the bad writing in season 4. This is a weird example of a ship that I shipped so hard for 3 seasons and that was given Endgame in every sense of the word, but, by that point, I barely cared anymore, because the writers forgot about their relationship throughout the final season and made it seem like they didn’t even remember each other, and then slapped a last minute happy ending. Plus they retconed/explained their connection in such a stupid and anticlimactic way that ruined it retroactively.

10. Favorite Ship(s) That’s Endgame - Everlark, Nora and Kevin (The Leftovers), Philip and Elizabeth (The Americans), and Josh and Della on Night and Day (a really obscure early 2000s UK show that was watched by maybe 100 people.) Some others worth mentioning: FitzSimmons, Niles and Daphne, Tim and Dawn (original UK The Office), Jake and Amy, Memori (the only bright spot in a rubbish ending). And of course, there’s Morticia and Gomez, though they are less Endgame and more AlwaysGame.

Tagging: @jeanie205 @kizo2703 @poppykru @sheigarche @weareagentsofnothing @sometimesrosy @misskittyspuffy @otp-armada @carrieeve @sexy-zeitreise-detektiv @jonaskanwalds @immortalpramheda @ladyofthefrostfangs @tennyo-elf @fandomkru @natassakar @hadrianvonpaulus @sillier-things @angearia @thekawaiislartibartfast @foolishnymeria @erikiara80 @heartbellamy and anyone else who sees this - sorry I didn’t tag you and please consider yourself tagged. :)

[hamliet]

The Girl Who Gets to Have It All: Buffy Summers

So with @linkspooky​‘s encouragement, I have binged Buffy the Vampire Slayer and relived my childhood culture. And, it's a 10/10 for me. Not that it doesn't have flaws, but it's genuinely one of the best stories I've seen, with consistent character arcs, powerful themes, and a beautiful message. It's also like... purportedly about vampires and demons and superpowered chosen ones, but it's actually all about humanity.

Buffy was able to be a teenage girl, allowed to like the things teen girls are scorned for (boys, shopping, etc), to be insecure about the thing teenage girls are insecure about (future careers, dating, school, parents), and to be a superhero with its good and its bad aspects. The story wasn’t afraid to call Buffy on her flaws (sometimes she got in a very ‘I am the righteous chosen one’ mode) and to respect and honor each of her desires (to be a good person, to be loved, and more). The story listened to what she wanted and respected her desires, giving her the challenges needed to overcome her flaws while also never teaching her a lesson about wanting bad boys or romance is silly or any manner of dark warnings stories like to throw at teenage girls. 

It respected teenage girls--nerdy girls like Willow, jocks like Buffy, lonely wallflowers with trauma like Dawn, and popular/snobby ones like Cordelia, girls gone wild like Faith. It never once reduced them to the stereotypes that were lurking right there: each character was fully rounded, human, flawed and yet with respected interests and goals. This is so rare for a story that I’m still in awe. 

The story as a whole follows Buffy from 15 to 21, of her as she grows from teenager to adult. She acts like a teenager and grows to act like a young adult, wrestling with loneliness and duty. The adults, like Giles, Joyce, and Jenny, are not perfect either, but neither are they “bad parents” or “bad mentors” necessarily. Joyce in particular says something terrible to Buffy, but she tries to do better, and it’s rare to see a parent in YA stories shown with such nuance. Basically, it wrote the long-lasting adult characters as human beings, too. 

Speaking of growing up, I appreciated how Buffy’s love interests mirrored this. Angel was someone Buffy loved and admired, wanted to be like, but who was always either extreme good or extreme bad, and combined with Buffy’s own tendencies towards black-white thinking, made for a beautiful relationship to help her grow, but didn’t necessarily form a foundation for a long-term partner. Spike, on the other hand... they both saw each other at their worst and were drawn to each other even then, and were inspired to become better because they couldn’t bear to be a person who treated the other person so wrongly. They pushed each other to become the best them they could be, and believed in each other. Also, Spuffy is an enemies to lovers ship for the ages. 

(Also, most of the other ships were well-done or at least can be understood. Riley was very obviously wrong for Buffy which paralleled Harmony and Spike in being 100% wrong for each other. Cordelia and Xander were a fun ship even if we all knew it would never last, and Willow and Oz were beautiful and cute. But Xander and Anya and Willow and Tara? OTPs. As were Giles and Jenny, the librarian and the computer teacher.) 

That said, it’s not a perfect series. No story is. All of the characters and ships had problematic aspects to them worthy of critique, and the writing is very 90s in a lot of ways. It’s a product of its time, and in many ways it’s good society has progressed beyond some of the tropes/metaphors used in the show. In other way, though, the show was ahead of its time, and in a good way it wasn’t bound by the fear of purity policing with its takes on redemption (many characters would never fly today). 

So, in order of seasons ranked from my very favorite to my “still enjoyed it very much” (no season was actually bad, imo), here’s my review. I’ll also review my top 10 villains in the show, because Buffy does villains very well in terms of the redeemable and irredeemable.  

Season 7:  Yep, the final season was my favorite. 

Overall Opinion: Buffy's finale is literally "f*ck them men, our power is ours" and while it seems cheesy it actually works (also, f*ck in both a literal and figurative sense). The series strongly hit all the themes: love as strength, and redemption. Buffy consistently shows love as her strength--*all* kinds of love. Friendship w Willow/Xander, familial with Joyce/Dawn, romantic with Spike/Angel. These types of love are also never pitted against each other as is so often the case in current-day media. It's beautiful. Also, Spike’s confrontation with Wood was so powerful in terms of exploring forgiveness, redemption, and reconciliation: where they overlap and where they don't, and what it means to move forward. 

Unpopular Opinion: I have seen a lot didn’t like the inclusion of Potential Slayers, and while I agree they could have been better incorporated/characterized, it was a great way to show Buffy’s final stage of growing up to be ending her chosen one status and projecting/multiplying her powers over the world. 

Biggest Critique: Kennedy was female Riley--the anti-Tara to Riley’s anti-Angel (by ‘anti’ I mean opposite in every way). Kennedy was annoying and immature. Her role, like Riley’s, was less about exploring her as a character and more about her just being stamped as “love interest: lesbian.” 

Favorite Episodes: Beneath You, Lies My Parents Told Me, Touched, Chosen

Season 6: 

Overall Opinion: I said this on Twitter, but I felt like this was Buffy’s The Last Jedi or Empire Strikes Back moment. It is polarizing and dark, deconstructing the tropes it stands on--but by digging to the core of these tropes, it actually makes what’s good about them shine brighter. Everyone’s enemy was the worst versions of themselves. Giles left Buffy, Willow's struggle to relate to the world led to her trying to destroy it, Buffy hurt everyone through her anger, Xander abandoned Anya at the altar, Spike... yeah. It ages well as an integral part of the story, and the Trio were eerily prophetic. 

Unpopular Opinion: Dawn is a great character with a good arc. A traumatized teen acting out and struggling to come to terms with loss and identity? She wasn’t whiny; she was realistic. 

Biggest Critique: Willow’s addiction coding (I’ll discuss this below) and Seeing Red as an episode. I see the argument for both of its controversial scenes from a narrative perspective: Willow starts the season not grieving Buffy but instead being determined to fix it with magic and needs to learn to grieve, but. Still. Bury your gays is not a good look. For the Spike scene... he conflates sex/passion and violence (”love is blood, children” is something he said way back in season 3), but like Tara’s death, it had more to do with Spike (as Tara’s death did for Willow) than with Buffy’s arc, and as for the actual execution... they really botched that. Did it like... have to go on that long or go that far? No. Also, the framing was good, but inconsistent with the rest of the series (Xander to Buffy in the hyena episode, Faith to Xander and to Riley, etc.) 

Favorite Episodes: Once More With Feeling, Smashed, Grave

Season 3 (tied with Season 5):

Overall Opinion: The opening continuity of Buffy meeting Lily/Anne after saving her life in Season 2 was sweet. The Witchhunt episode had really powerful subtext: stories of deaths that aren’t even true are actually demons that possess the town and convince them to turn against their children in the name of protecting the children. It’s a good commentary on, oh, everything in society. Faith’s character arc was fantastic, and her chemistry with Buffy was off the charts (look, I may be Spuffy all the way, but Fuffy has rights). The finale was satisfying in so many ways, seeing the entire graduating class unite to destroy the Mayor and the school with it, symbolizing Buffy et al’s readiness to move on to college. Oz's relationship with Willow was very sweet and meaningful for a first romance for Willow. 

Unpopular Opinion: I actually don’t really have one. Maybe that the miracle in Amends was earned? I think you can make a decent case that Season 3 is the best written of the seasons, but can only truly be thematically appreciated to its full potential in the light of subsequent seasons (which finish Faith’s arc and deconstruct Buffy’s).  

Biggest Critique: It forgot Buffy killed the hyena guy in Season 1, making her continual insistence that she can’t kill people very ????? 

Favorite Episodes: Lovers Walk, Amends, Graduation Day Part 2 

Season 5, which ties with Season 3:

Overall Opinion: The entire season is about family and what it means, from Tara’s to Buffy’s to the Scoobies. I loved Glory aka Enoshima Junko as the Big Bad, I loved Dawn’s interesting meta commentary on retconning (like, the fact that she’s retconned in matters), and most of my ships are still alive. Joyce’s relationship with Spike is one of the most heartwarming aspects, and Spike’s arc’s desire is clearly highlighted: he wants to be seen as a person. The episodes after Joyce’s death are the most honest portrayals of grief I’ve ever seen, and absolutely brutal to watch. 

Unpopular Opinion: Buffy’s choice at the end seems a deliberate inversion of her choice at the end of Season 2 (sacrifice a loved one to save the world), but it actually isn’t: much like at the end of Season 2 where Buffy skips town because she’s devastated after killing Angel and doesn’t want to sort out being expelled, her mom knowing she’s the slayer, and her own trauma, Buffy’s sacrifice here was as much about her wanting the easy way out of relationships, family, college, etc. as it was about saving Dawn. Buffy’s death is coded as a suicide, which Season 6 emphasizes as well. 

Biggest Critique: Like Season 3, I don’t have a lot to critique here. I wish the suicidal coding had been a little more obvious in Season 5 itself, but also I’m not sure it could have been more obvious; it’s pretty apparent if you pay attention. Maybe also that Buffy and Riley’s relationship failing should have been more squarely blamed on Riley, you know, being insecure and cheating. 

Favorite Episodes: Family, Fool for Love, Intervention. 

Season 2:

Overall Opinion: Heartbreakingly tragic but exciting and revealing at the same time. It asked the viewer interesting questions about redemption and forgiveness and atonement through Angel being honest about his past, and then decided to show us his past now reenacted, challenging us. And still, we saw them save him in a parallel to saving Willow in Season 6 (but Season 2 was tragic because it wasn’t enough, while Season 6 was not). Jenny’s death was agonizing, and the scene were Angel watches Buffy, Willow, and Joyce get the news through the window was powerful. We didn’t have to hear them to get the grief. 

Unpopular Opinion: Jenny’s death isn’t a fridging; it works for her arc too when you consider her history. She worked to save the person whose life she was tasked to ruin, and it cost her her own--yet she still succeeded, because Jenny brought joy and wisdom to the show. Kendra’s death, on the other hand... was because they needed the stakes to be high--but we already knew that before she died. So, her death was useless. 

Biggest Critique: The subtext was Not It. It was essentially “do not have sex. Your older boyfriend will lose his soul, kill your friends, you’ll lose your family, your school, your home, and have to kill your true love or else hell will literally swallow earth.” 

Favorite Episodes: School Hard, Passion, Becoming Part 2.

Season 1:

Overall Opinion: I really liked it; it’s just lower on this list because the others are just better. It’s a great introduction to the series and to its characters, from Giles to Buffy to Willow to Jenny to Cordelia. It has great subtext a lot of the time (for example, Natalie French as She-Mantis is a literal predatory bug who engages in predatory behavior with students). Additionally, it subverts the typical YA trope of two guys and a girl, in which the girl is usually the least interesting character. Buffy and Willow were both fully fledged characters from the beginning with distinct strengths (even before Willow became a witch, as she wasn’t one in season 1 yet), while Xander was the more ordinary of the group. 

Unpopular Opinion/Biggest Critique: Xander’s arc showed its first flaws that unfortunately continued throughout the series: his writing was either very good or very indulgent in ways it never was for other characters.  (cough, the hyena episode, cough, in which he gets to skirt responsibility--and acknowledges that he is skirting it--for something the show will later hold others to account for). Xander’s just kind of inconsistent, which weakened his character over all. (Which is why both his love interests--Cordelia and then ultimately Anya--were good for him: they did not indulge him.) 

Favorite Episode: Witch, Nightmares. 

Season 4:

Overall Opinion: it’s still a good season. It’s a good portrayal of college and the growing pains of branching out, the strains of college growth on relationships (romantic and platonic). It shows us the first hints of Spuffy, giving us some serious Jungian symbolism between Spike and Buffy early on, and does well in establishing Xander/Anya and Willow/Tara as beautiful OTPs. Faith and Buffy’s foiling is fantastic. The Halloween episode was very fun as well. However, it suffers because its Big Bad, Adam, is not all that compelling thematically--yet, he could have been. See, the final battle pulls off the Power of Friendship in a really strong way but notably the season does not end there. Instead, it ends on dreams of each character’s worst fears, continuing what we saw in Nightmares in Season 1. Why? Because it shows us that the characters’ wars aren’t against monsters, but monsters of their own making: their flaws. Adam, as a literal Frankenstein, exemplifies this, but it wasn’t capitalized on as well as it could have been. 

Unpopular Opinion: Beer Bad isn’t a bad episode, at the very least because Buffy gets to punch Parker. It’s not one of the series’ best, obviously, but it does give Buffy an arc in that she gets her daydream of Parker begging her to come back, but she has overcome that desire and her desire for revenge. If we wanna talk about bad subtext in Season 4, Season 2′s Not It sex subtext continues in the Where the Wild Things Are episode in this season; it’s a powerful callout of abusive purity-culture churches, until the fact that the shame creates a literal curse undermines the progressive message it’s supposed to send. Also, the Thanksgiving episode (Pangs) is a nightmare of white guilt and Oh God Shut Up White People. 

Biggest Critique: Riley is awful. Like Kennedy, he had “love interest:normal” stamped on him and that was it. The thing is, he could have worked as an Angel foil, representative of the normal-life aspect of Buffy to Angel’s vampire/supernatural aspect, but the writers never explore this and seemed to even try to back away from that later on. They threw all the romantic cliches at the wall to see what sticks, from klutzy “I dropped my schoolbooks, that’s how we met” to cliché lines that had me rolling my eyes. Do you know how bad a romance has to be to make me dislike romantic tropes? 

Favorite Episodes: Fear Itself, Hush, Restless

Villain rankings: 

Dark Willow, the only villain to be truly sympathetic. While the addiction coding was insensitive and, while unsurprising for its time, aged extremely poorly. That said, Willow’s turn to the dark side after Tara’s death worked well for her character and the story: it was believable and paid off what had been building since Season 1's “Nightmares” episode (Willow’s inferiority complex). 

Glory managed to be genuinely terrifying, and humorous/enjoyable too. Her minions and their numerous nicknames for Glorificus were hilarious, as was her intense vanity. Her merging with Ben--a human being who genuinely wanted to be kind and good--added complexity and tragedy to her role. 

The First. A really good take on Satan. The seventh season as well as the First’s first appearance in season 3′s “Amends” had kind of blatant Christian symbolism, and so the First being essentially Satan works. Their disguising themselves as dead loved ones and the subtle manipulation they used to alienate people was really disturbing and well done. 

The Mayor, who was a terrible person but a truly good father. He provided an interesting contrast to the normal ‘bad dad’ bad guy character, in that he provided Faith exactly what the other characters refused to: he saw the best in her and offered her parental support, while the heroes didn’t and wound up pushing her away. 

The Trio, who were villains ahead of their time: whiny fanboy reddit dudebros, basically. The stakes seemed so much lower than fighting Glory, a literal god, the previous season. But that’s why they worked so well for Season 6′s human themes, and were especially disturbing because we all know people like them. I also appreciated the surprisingly sensitive takes on Jonathan and Andrew, who got to redeem themselves, but Warren did not, and I don’t think he should have either. 

Angelus + Drusilla. I’m ranking them below the Trio because Angelus was just sooooo different from Angel that it was difficult for me to feel the same way for him. He was still Angel, so it wasn’t possible to enjoy his villainy, but he also wasn’t nearly as sympathetic as Dark Willow, had no redeeming qualities like the Mayor, and wasn’t as disturbingly realistic as the Trio. However, the emotional stakes were excellently executed with him as the Big Bad, in that you were never quite sure how to feel and it just plain hurt. Also, Drusilla was a favorite recurring character. She was sympathetic and yet batsh*t enough to be enjoyable as a villain at the same time. 

The Master, who was just completely camp and really worked as an introductory villain. He was scary enough to believe he was a threat, and was funny enough to introduce the series’ humor as well. He was, like Glory, an enjoyable Big Bad. 

The Gentlemen, the one-off villains of Season 4′s Hush who were genuinely terrifying. It’s not as if they got a lot of explanation or any backstory, but they didn’t need it. 

Caleb, the misogynist priest. Fitting with the First’s Christian symbolism, Caleb serving as a spokesperson of all bad religious beliefs felt appropriate. He was also a good foil to Warren--being actually supernaturally powered instead of a wannabe--and to Tara’s family in being full-out evil. I despised him. 

Snyder. Okay Snyder is not a Big Bad like Adam is, but let’s face it: Adam is lame compared to the other villains. But Snyder as a principal? He was so irritating and yet really well used in the series to critique overly strict, hypocritical teachers. Like, we all know teachers like him. I loved to hate him, and his ending was so satisfying. 

[ibis-gt]

Poker Night

dippin my toes in the writing pool again with a short one about anya and felipe! there’s a bunch of side characters in this one that i just now made up so don’t worry if you have no idea who they are, i don’t either skdjfklsf

just under 2.5k words, kind of hurt/comfort. warnings: fearplay, threats of violence, bullying, peer pressure, felipe not having a very good time at all

Felipe looked around at the five giants seated at the table he was currently sitting on and forced a smile. Once again, Anya asked him to come along to one of the parties her friend Emily often hosted, and once again she’d dropped him off at the husbands’ table while she caught up with her friends. Quite literally dropped him off, plucking him off her shoulder and depositing him on the wooden tabletop with a “Play nice, fellas!” as she waltzed off.

Usually, they did play nice - Anya was built like a brick shithouse and would defend her tiny human husband with every ounce of strength she had. But tonight there’d clearly been some drink passed around, and now the five giants eyed Felipe with varying levels of displeasure. Seth glared at him with annoyance, Rolf looked bored and disinterested, Leo seemed resigned to essentially babysitting the tiny man, Amos heaved a sigh and rolled his eyes, but it was Bruno that really worried Felipe. Bruno was staring down at him with a mostly blank expression, but Felipe could see gears turning in his head, and he could tell it was going to come out to trouble.

He jumped as Bruno suddenly clapped his hands together, beaming brightly.

“Who’s up for a game of cards?” Bruno produced a deck from his pocket and began to shuffle them. The others took an interest, nodding their approval.

That took Felipe by surprise. It sounded harmless enough. “Yeah, that sounds like fun. Uh, don’t know if I’ll be able to play, though.” The cards were probably as big as he was, and he could maybe hold onto two at a time. Any more than that, and there would be serious delays as he figured out what to play. “Oh, don’t worry, I know how you can participate,” Bruno assured him. This was not, however, reassuring.

He dealt out a hand to each of the giants at the table, then began sorting out a set of huge wooden chips. Each one was about two feet in diameter. They had different colors and markings to indicate their value, but Felipe wasn’t sure which one meant what, and no one seemed like they were about to explain it to him. 

Felipe shuffled his feet and glanced around nervously. He hadn’t been dealt a hand, and he didn’t know what Bruno had in mind, but he didn’t think it would be all that fun for him. His suspicions were proved right when Bruno tossed a few chips in the middle to start the betting, then grabbed him by the back of his shirt and dropped him next to them. Felipe let out a quiet grunt as he hit the table and looked up in confusion. A few of the giants seemed to have caught on and were grinning down at him, but for the ones who were slower on the uptake, Bruno announced, “You’ll be one of the chips, of course.”

Felipe sat bolt upright and stared at him wide-eyed. Then he laughed nervously, trying to calm himself down. “Oh, haha, good joke! No, but seriously. What am I...” he trailed off, turning from side to side to see their faces.

Silence. Everyone stared at him. Some were still grinning, some were serious. Leo spoke up.

“C’mon, Bruno, you know Anya wouldn’t like that. Just let him sit it out.”

“Oh, lighten up,” Bruno grumbled. “It’s not like she’s gonna find out, is she?” He looked around the table, getting a head shake ‘no’ or a shrug from each in turn, then down at Felipe. “Is she?” he asked again.

“Uh…” Words failed him. He wanted to say yes, emphatically yes, he’d squeal at the first opportunity, and in fact he was going to stand up and start waving his arms and shouting right now to get her attention. But truth be told, Felipe was terrified. Everyone had been drinking and he didn’t know how deep in their cups they all were. Who knows what they’d do if he didn’t go along with it? Maybe if he was quiet and played along, they’d get bored and leave him alone. “...no, sure, she won’t. Ha.”

“Good,” Bruno said, giving him a smile that was not in the least bit comforting. “Then let’s start.” He threw in a few of his own chips. The others followed suit, betting based on whatever combination of cards they had. Felipe flinched every time a chip hit the table. They were being careful - none of the tossed chips hit him, but they landed close enough to worry him. He hunched his shoulders and tried to make himself as small as possible.

Bruno won the first round. He grinned that awful grin again and reached out, putting both hands around the stack of chips and pulling them in close. Felipe, still seated, was dragged along with them, back pressed up against the palm of Bruno’s left hand, trying to resist the urge to his feet and push back.

“Hi,” Bruno said, looking down at him. A few of the others chuckled.

“H-hi,” Felipe stammered, forcing a smile. “Uh, so, what - ”

“Chips don’t talk,” Bruno interrupted, and started dealing out the next round of cards. Felipe shut his mouth and hunkered down, hoping Bruno wouldn’t get any good hands. He was lucky for one round, and Bruno only tossed in two chips before folding. The next round, though, Felipe’s luck ran out. Bruno glanced at his cards and the corner of his mouth went up just a little. He tossed in four chips, then snagged the back of Felipe’s shirt again and dropped him down in the middle. Rolf whistled and looked at his own cards, tapping a chip thoughtfully on the table.

“How much is he worth?” Rolf asked. “Like, how do I meet or raise or whatever?”

“I don’t care,” Bruno said. “Whatever you think he’s worth.”

Rolf threw in six chips. Felipe wasn’t sure if he should be offended or flattered.

Seth ended up taking the hand, and as soon as he slapped his cards down in triumph, Felipe scrambled to his feet and jogged over to him, not wanting to be pushed across the table again. There was a snort of laughter from one of the other giants but he paid it no mind. Seth raked in the chips then looked down at Felipe, tilting his head to one side, seeming to appraise him. Then he gave a horrid grin of his own and pinned Felipe down with a thumb on his chest.

“Ain’t chips supposed to be flat? So you can stack ‘em?” he asked, clearly thinking he was being clever. “Should I…” The pressure increased slightly, and Felipe began to panic and struggle, trying to get himself out from under the thumb.

“Cut it out,” Bruno growled. “You hurt him and Anya’ll have our asses.”

The pressure disappeared as the thumb lifted up and away. Felipe got to his feet and backed away from Seth, eyes fixed on the giant. He felt like his knees were going to give out. Being meek and quiet hadn’t helped one bit, but now he couldn’t find his voice to call out for help. His throat was dry and tight from terror and it felt like his heart was lodged in it. Seth scowled at him and poked his chest with a finger, knocking him on his back.

“Go on,” he grumbled. “I’m bettin’ you. Hope I lose.”

Lose he did. Leo took that hand. He didn’t look too happy about it, either. “Well, come on then,” he sighed, and Felipe managed to stand on his shaking legs and wobble over. Felipe looked up at him with wide, hopeful eyes. Leo was the least happy with this setup, other than Felipe himself. Maybe he’d speak up now that he had him and could put an end to the whole thing. But Leo didn’t meet his eyes, just picked up his next hand and tossed a few chips in. Okay, next best thing, Leo never bet him and he could stay put and as far away from Bruno as possible. And Seth. Actually, just all of them.

Leo only managed to hold onto him for two hands before Bruno spoke up.

“Don’t get greedy, now,” he called. “Let us have a shot at him, too.”

Leo sighed and finally glanced down at Felipe again. “Okay, you heard him,” he said. “Get.”

Felipe got. Rolf won. Then Amos. Then Bruno. Then Bruno again. Each time, he’d slap his cards down as he reached for the chips, not giving Felipe time to register his victory. He seemed to delight in pushing the little man around and didn’t like it when Felipe tried to walk himself over to whoever had won him that time. Unfortunately he seemed to be the best at the game they were playing, with an impeccable poker face and a decent winning streak. Since he was also the dealer, Felipe half suspected he was cheating, but he lost often enough not to irk anyone else at the table. Bruno started to play with him whenever he had him. He’d dangle him by the back of his shirt and gently swing him back and forth, or pin him under his palm and drum his fingers on the table. Once he even picked Felipe up and began to toss him up in the air and catch him, not very high, but enough to get a frightened yelp out of him. Bruno seemed to think that might draw too much attention, though, and quickly set Felipe back down, shaking like a leaf and trying not to hyperventilate.

Rolf looked about as uncomfortable as Leo had when he won Felipe for the first time. Felipe caught him glancing at Leo and looked up at the giant too, but the combined effort of their stares still couldn’t persuade Leo to speak up, and Rolf didn’t seem to have the nerve to try on his own. Felipe changed hands a few more times before ending up with Bruno yet again. At this point he was fighting back tears. He desperately wished they’d get bored and give it up already, but it seemed pride was on the line for Seth and Amos, and Bruno was enjoying himself immensely. Felipe’s mind started to wander towards what would happen when the game was over for good. What would whoever had won him do? Would they try to take him home? Stuff him in a pocket or a cupboard for later? Or would they make him do something public and embarrassing? More embarrassing than being reduced to a literal object to be passed around, that is.

Just then, his saving grace appeared. He practically melted with relief as he heard Anya’s voice.

“Hey, y’all, what’re you up to? Where’s Felipe?” She caught sight of him and smiled. Despite how terrified he was, his heart sang out at the sight of her. She was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. The others shifted nervously in their seats and glanced at each other, except for Bruno and Leo. Leo’s eyes were locked on Bruno and his face was grim. Bruno looked at Anya with his perfect poker face intact, although he was betrayed slightly by a small trickle of sweat down the side of his face.

Anya took in the scene and started to pick up on the energy at the table. Her smile started to fade. “No cards for you, honey?” She asked Felipe. “Are you helping Bruno, then? I’ll tell ya right now he doesn’t need it. He’s just about the best player here.” She looked around at everyone and then back at Bruno. She looked at the chips on the table all around Felipe, took in his posture, his expression, the way he was trembling ever so slightly. Her smile was completely gone now, and she set her jaw. When she spoke again, her voice was flat. “He’s not helping you, is he. He’s not playing at all.” 

Anya held out her hand palm up to Felipe, and he nearly tripped over his own feet sprinting across the table towards her. He leapt into her palm and wrapped his arms around her thumb, pressing his forehead to the tip. “Thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou,” he gasped, his fragile facade of calm completely gone. The tears started to flow and he let them. Who cared anymore. He was safe, he was with his wife, the whole rest of the world could go to hell.

“You sons of bitches,” she spat. “I can’t believe you - ”

“Anya,” Felipe squeaked, and she held him up, her face instantly softening. “Let’s just go. Please.”

She looked like she was going to argue, but instead she shot a look at the cowering, ashamed giants, and stalked off. She headed for the exit, putting a hand on her friend Emily’s shoulder on the way.

“You set your husband right before I do it for you,” she warned. Emily spun around to glare at the husbands’ table.

“What kind of bullshit did you pull this time, Bruno?” Emily called, just as Anya slipped out the door, Felipe held to her chest.

She put a fair amount of distance between them and the house before lifting him up close to her face so she could see him better, the light dimming as evening approached.

“Honey? Are you okay? Do you want me to drop you off at the house and go back and kick their asses?”

Felipe managed a strangled laugh through his tears. “No, no, I don’t care. It doesn’t matter,” he lied. “I just want to forget it all.” That bit was true enough. He was so embarrassed by the whole thing. He wanted to pretend like it had never happened.

“I’m so sorry, I should never have left you with those idiots. I knew they’d be drinking, too, and Bruno always gets that mean glint in his eye when he drinks…”

“Wasn’t your fault,” Felipe said, sniffing and wiping his nose on his shirt. “They were just being dicks.”

“Did they hurt you? Because I’ll tell you right now if they did, I swear I’ll - ”

“No, no, they didn’t. And I’m not just saying that so you won’t go twist ‘em into pretzels. I’m fine, really.”

Anya gave him a Look. She rubbed his back with her thumb, working the tension out of him bit by bit. “I believe you that they didn’t hurt you physically,” she said softly. “But I don’t believe you’re fine. You were shaking like a leaf, honey. They scared you. You can admit it. There were five of them, they’re several times your size and could’ve snapped you like a twig without thinking about it.” He shivered, dropping his gaze. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. I’m never leaving you alone with them again. You poor thing. Let’s get you home.”

[undercoverclover]

Chasing You

Chasing You

Chan x Original Character

Fluff & Angst

6,387 words

Summary: Starting a new semester at a new college can be difficult. That is, until you find your best friend and then fall for him and it comes back to bite you.

September

“Do you think this campus is going to have any good places have fun and sing karaoke? I know there wasn't any here last semester.”

“I’m not sure, you can always explore it once you get there.” My dad laughs, helping me carry boxes to the car.

“Why are you laughing? I didn’t just get my looks from you.” I snort. I love singing just like he does. I can’t help it… He stops and smiles, “I know. I’m just glad you don’t suck at it.”

“Dad!” I laugh but I can’t believe that just came out of his mouth. He’s laughing hysterically now and I’m afraid he might drop my box of breakables. I take the box from him, avoiding that situation entirely and set it in the backseat of my car.

“Alright, that’s it. When do classes start?” He asks.

“Tomorrow and I’ll only be a few towns over so don’t freak out. I’ll come visit when things aren’t hectic.” I say, giving him a hug and jumping in the car. I see him wave as I drive off.

A few hours later, I found my dorm, unpacked my car and collapsed on my bed.

“Hello?” I hear and sit up, startled at the voice.

“Hey! I’m Lili. Are you my roommate?” I ask the dark haired girl.

“I guess so, this is my room too. I’m Anya.” She smiles. I hold my hand out, smiling back and she shakes it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

A month later-Oct.

I will never choose another college math class if I can help it. I hate this so bad. The only class I can’t ace without trying. Why do I have to have math anyway?

I stare down at the textbook and really want to throw it out the window. My phone dings and see it’s my roommate:

Anya- Let’s go out.

Me- I’m studying.

A-So what? You study all the time. You need a break.

Me- So, I still have to learn this stuff. I suck at math.

A- One night. Let’s go. No whining. Get dressed.

And don’t wear jeans.

Me- Ugh. Fine.

A- Okie, I’ll be there in 20 minutes.

I knew there was no arguing, once she sets her mind on things then I’m stuck. Which is fine, I normally have fun if we go out together.

I open my closet and notice she’ll expect me to wear something cute, especially the no jeans text.

She’s going to make me wear a skirt... She knows that I don’t have anything but jeans, a few skirts and a couple dresses. I’m not wearing a dress. I’m not cute anyway. Nobody likes me, I’m a nerd. I wear glasses, my nose bothers me, I have poofy hair that I typically throw up and though I’m not fat, I’m not skinny either.

UGH

I grab the black skirt out of my closet and the turquoise dress shirt. She hates me…

Thirty minutes later we’re on our way to... somewhere.

“Where are we going?” I ask, confused.

“For once, something we both never do.”

“Oh, god…” I groan, “I should have stayed home.”

“Why? It’s a nightclub, nobody knows us. Have fun.”

“You’re asking me why?” I grumble.

“You’ll have fun, just enjoy it.”

Walking in, it’s packed. There’s so many people. “Anya.” I suck in a nervous breath.

“You’ll do fine.” She says, as we walk in.

She holds my wrist as we make our way through the crowd and find a table, “Now, have fun.” She smiles.

An hour later, I’m tired from dancing and the heat in the room, taking a seat at the table.

“I’m so tired.” I grab my drink and take the last few sips of it, “Ready to go soon?” I ask.

“Yeah, I-” She’s stopped by a tap on the shoulder and looks up.

“Hello, I’m Donghun. I saw you dancing early, care to dance with me for a bit?” He says, rather politely. I bet he’s an ass.

“I would, but my friend and I are about to leave.” She says, frowning slightly.

“No, I’m fine. Go ahead and dance for a bit.” I smile, urging her on.

“Are you sure?” Giving her the dumbest, ‘Are you serious’ look ever, she gets up.

He holds out his hand and she takes it as I watch them heading towards the dance floor.

I lean back against my seat and sigh. “Are you bored?” A voice asks. I look up and notice a tall man with black hair in a white unbuttoned dress shirt,with a black shirt underneath.

“N- No. Just tired.” I answer and he smiles brightly, “May I sit?” He asks and I nod.

“I’m pretty sure my friend may have stolen yours for a while.” He chuckles, looking towards Anya and Donghun.

“Oh? Your friend, so you’re the wingman tonight then?” I smile.

“No, not really. Um, we were just out with another friend, but he saw your friend and here we are.” He chuckles.

“Aw, well that’s Anya’s charm I’m afraid.” I chuckle.

“Anya’s, huh? That’s cute. What about you? Do you have any charms?” He asks.

“I don’t even know your name, nor you mine. Why should I tell you?” I smile sweetly, making him laugh a high-pitched laugh.

“Fair point. I’m Yuchan.” He smiles lazily, holding out his hand.

“Lili.” I smile, shaking his hand.

“Nice to meet you, Lili.”

“Nice to meet you too.” I smile.

“Also, I’m pretty sure I don’t have any charms.”

“Everyone does, maybe you just don’t see it.”

“Eh, maybe.” I shrug,

“Hey, Lil who’s this.” Anya asks, walking up with Donghun on her heels.

“This is Yuchan, Donghun’s friend and Yuchan, this is Anya.” I smile, gesturing to her.

“Hello, nice to meet you.” He smiles and nods slightly.

“Did you have fun?” I smirk, watching her face turn red.

"I did, but if you're ready to leave, we can go." She says in almost a pouty voice.

"I'm fine if Yuchan can keep me company for a bit longer?" I say, looking over towards him.

"How about it, Chan?" Donghun pipes in, smiling.

"Yeah, I'm happy to do that and you can call me Chan if you want." He smiles.

I avoid looking at his eyes but look over at him and then Donghun. They're too handsome to be here, I feel myself getting lost in my head for a second.

"You wanna dance?" I hear Chan say, snapping back to reality.

"Pardon?" I ask, unsure I heard him right.

Anya motions for Donghun to tell him a secret and he smiles.

"Do you want to dance?" He asks again.

"Oh, I- uh.. I-" I stumble.

"Just once? Please?" He smiles and gives me the softest eyes in the world.

"I- I can try." I stutter, unsure of what to do now, but feeling my face turn red.

I look up at Anya, who's wide-eyed and smiling and feel my cheeks getting hotter…

"Let's go." Lee says, patting Anya's side. She looks up and nods, "We'll see you out there?"

As they walk away, I mutter, "Lord, I hope not."

"We don't have to dance." Chan says.

"No. No it's not that. I'm just not a great dancer and I'm clumsy."

"Don't worry, I'm clumsy too, but only off the dance floor." He winks and I chuckle, blushing more.

He holds out his hand for me and I take it, getting pulled excitedly to the dance floor.

“Since you think you’re not a great dancer, I’ll help you. Don’t worry.” He smirks, looking back at me.

“I don’t know if I should be more worried or happy about that.” I laugh, following him towards the back.

“I figured by the sound of it, you didn’t want them seeing you. It’s different when you don’t know the people, you can forget about them.” He turns around, grabbing my other hand and pulling me close.

“You’d be correct.”

“Well, don’t worry about any of them.” He smiles lazily. We begin dancing and having fun, I step on him once and he laughs about it. Yet, I feel embarrassed and avoid his feet as best as I can. Eventually, I get a better understanding and it’s because he leads amazingly.

“Chan, we’ve gotta get back soon.” We hear over the loud music. I stop and turn around to see who was standing beside him, someone I didn’t recognize.

“Alright, give me a few minutes. Have you found Donghun yet?”

The man shakes his head, “I’ll go look for him, meet me outside in a few minutes.”

“Alright Jun.” Jun, apparently that’s his name, turns around and leaves and Chan looks at me.

“Let’s find Anya and Donghun. He looked agitated.”

I nod and Chan leads us back to where we were. We find Anya and Donghun already talking to Jun at the table we had been sitting at earlier.

“What’s up?” Chan asks Jun.

“We’ve gotta go.”

“Why?” Donghun asks, seeming annoyed. Jun looks at Chan and I and then back at Donghun and Anya and grumbles.

“We just do, alright?” I don’t know if that meant something, but they were all on board to leave now and Donghun was talking to Anya about something and Jun was apologizing for having to drag him away. They were having fun.

“Sorry, I have to go. I’ll see you around sometime?” Chan asks, looking down at me. I look up and smile, “Sure. Especially if they end up dating.” I laugh but only joking.

We head outside and part ways, walking as quickly as possible to our car since it’s cold.

“Did you get his number?” Anya asks me and I look at her like an idiot. “No, why would I?”

“Um, because he’s hot, kind and was dancing with you?” She snickers. I roll my eyes and want to facepalm her, “So? He probably has a girlfriend. I’m never that lucky.”

That next week, Donghun stopped by a few times and I could see what it was turning into. They were dating within the next month. Jun and Chan even came a few times after that, I’d take a break from papers or homework and hang out but never staying very long. Chan and I became really good friends and by February, we talked to each other every day. Often going out for dinner or movies, nothing more than friends though I wish differently.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

March

“It’s definitely different. But I’m happy for you.” I smile at my best friend, though I don’t really feel happy. I hope he can’t tell from the screen...

“I know, but I wanted to tell you before Donghun found out by snooping through my phone.” Chan says, running his hand through his hair. I wish I could.

That thought immediately leaves my mind as soon as it appears, “So, when can I meet her?”

“Soon, I hope. She’ll be over tomorrow if you want to meet her. Maybe we can go get coffee?”

“Sounds good! I can come by around 11, is that alright?” I ask, making sure I have enough time to get my workout in first. “Yeah, sounds great. I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Lil.”

“Night, Chan.” I wave at him and end the video call. I crawl into bed and put my headphones in, wishing I could forget the conversation fresh in my mind. Chan has a girlfriend…

I knew it would never be me, but a girl can dream.

My alarm goes off and I sit up, debating on whether or not to break it. I’ve worked too hard to quit now though so I get up and dress in my workout clothes and take off for the gym. Letting out my frustrations there always makes things better, though I stay an hour over and have to rush to shower and practically run to the coffee shop now.

“Sorry I’m late.” I say, hunching over to put my hands on my knees and catch my breath.

Chan laughs and I look up, “It’s alright Lili. Morning workout?”

I nod and finally notice the girl next to him at the table he’s sitting at. She’s pretty. She has dark curly brown hair and a button nose with hazel eyes and full lips. She’s skinny and I’m already jealous of her for one reason, now I have to add another?

“Lili, this is Sam, my girlfriend. Sam, this is Lili, my best friend.” Chan says, introducing us before his phone rings. “Sorry, gotta take this.”

I nod at him but decide to try for him. “Hey, nice to meet you.” I smile at her.

“Yeah, you too.” She replies. Great.

“Lili, did you want any coffee?” Chan asks, not hearing how rude Same was a second ago.

“Sure. I can get it though.” I chuckle and start to stand before I’m given the look from him. I sit back down and hold my hands up in surrender, “Fine. Fine. My cappuccino, please?”

“Done. I’ll be right back.” He turns to Sam, “Do you want anything else babe?”

“No, I’m fine. Thank you though.” She says in a cutesy voice and smiles and I want to gag. Chan gets up and heads inside to order, leaving just us girls.

“It’s really nice to-”

“Let’s get one thing straight. You may be his ‘best friend’ but I’m his girlfriend. From here on out, I come first. I matter more and don’t even think about telling him this because I will make sure he believes me over you.” I stare at her in shock and if I didn’t dislike her before...I do now.

“And another thing, don’t try to push me away. He’s not into you sweetie.”

Chan walks out with my drink and if it wasn’t for him I’d have come across the table swinging at her big head.

“Here, Lil.” He smiles and I smile back, just not feeling like being here anymore. And believe me, it didn’t get any better after that.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

April

“Chan!” I yell from the science lab. He turns and waves, jogging back to meet me. His smile making my heart skip.

“Hey, I haven’t seen you in over a week. Where’ve you been?” He asks, worriedly.

“Come in here if you’re going to talk. I happen to see you walk by but I’m busy.” I smile and turn back into the lab.

“I- shit. One second, okay?” He says, pulling out his phone and calling someone. I hear him talking but I can’t tell who he’s talking to...probably Sam.

He hangs up, looking annoyed now and walks into the lab with me.

“Are you okay?” I ask, leaning up against the counter.

He nods, “Yeah, I just rainchecked Sam. She’ll live though.”

“Chan! You didn’t have to. You should have just texted me and we could have talked.” I roll my eyes, but not denying I’m super happy that he blew her off just this once for me.

“It’s done. Now, what are you doing here and why have you been gone for so long?” He asks, leaning on the opposite counter to face me and see what I was doing. I’ve never lied to him and I won’t start now.

“I’ve been sick and instead of getting Anya sick, I went home so my dad could take care of me. I’m in here because this is my last class and nobody is in here after that, so I use it as a place to study instead of the library.”

“Liliana! Why didn’t you tell me?” He exclaims and I shush him a little. The bewildered look on his face makes me feel bad for not calling him more than I tried. “That’s bullshit. I could have helped.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to get you sick either. I was hardly in any shape to see anyone.” I plead.

“What did you have?”

“I had the flu.”

“Lili..” He says, feeling defeated. He walks to my side of the counter and sighs, “What am I going to do with you?”

“I’m fine now.” I shrug. He pulls me in for a hug that made me feel safe. I feel tears in my eyes; I haven’t had one since he started dating Sam…

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

May-Night Before Graduation

“Lil? What’s this?” Anya asks. I look up at her, “Anya! What are you doing?” I jump up and grab my phone from her. She looks at me in confusion and I sigh and turn off my phone. I have got to stop reading that damn text.

“I’ll ask again...What was that?”

“Nothin’ Anya, don’t worry about it.” I grumble.

“Don’t worry about it?” She says, raising her tone at me for the first time ever. “Since when do you lay down and die when someone tells you to do something?”

“I’m not. I’m avoiding a situation.” I feel my throat close in emotion and stop talking.

“Tell him.”

“No.”

“Liliana, tell him.”

“No, Anya.”

“Then I will. Let me see your phone.”

“For fuck’s sake, no Anya!” I scream and walk out the door. I take a walk around campus, not caring that it’s almost midnight. I walk and cry and walk. Just looking at the message, my finger hovering over the delete button. I wipe the tears from my eyes, feeling like a pansy, and hit delete. Now it’s gone...nobody else can see it and I turn to walk back to my room.

When I walk in the door, Anya’s waiting for me. “I’m sorry.” She’s frowning and pouting and I want to laugh and be upset at her at the same time.

“It’s okay. I know you mean well. Let’s just forget it.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Graduation Day

“You’ll do great.” I smile at Anya.

“I’ll try, but don’t trip going up on the stage.” She laughs and she finishes my makeup. There’s no way she’d let me out of this dorm without makeup on for graduation. None.

“I’ll do my best, no promises.”

“Well, just don’t look at Chan and you’ll be fine.”

I open up my eyes and look up at her, “What do you mean?”

“Oh, please. Don’t tell me you don’t like him.” She mumbles, seeing the dorm door open. “I don’t!” I say a little louder than I mean to.

“Don’t what?” Donghun asks, followed by Chan.

“Don’t- uh. Don’t want her to do anything else to my face.”

“It looks good the way it is.” Chan smiles.

“Fine. I’ll leave it.” She rolls her eyes and walks behind the pair to get into the closet, winking at me from behind them. I roll my eyes and feel anxious now, but all that anxiety leaves when Sam enters the room and I have to fight the urge to ruin my nails one of our other friends made me get done.

“Let’s do this.” I clap, standing up and walking towards the door. As much as I want to stay here, I can’t.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To: Chan

I know you haven’t seen this.

I thought you should before it’s too late.

Do you really think he feels some type of way about you?

Who is this?

Who do you think? Leave him alone. He doesn't need or want you. You're the last person to cross his mind. Just do yourself a favor and forget him.

It was a screenshot of a text. It was between Lili and someone...Son of a-

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2 Years Later-December

“Lili, what are you still doing here? Work can wait. Get going!” My friend scolds me.

“I’m almost finished writing.”

“You’re losing daylight. The song lyrics can wait. Go and get home, enjoy your break with your dad. Tell him I said hi.” She smiles and wiggles her eyebrows.

“You are so gross, but I will.” I laugh, “I’ll see you when I get back! Don’t get famous until I get back!” Grabbing my jacket and my laptop bag, I turn to make sure everything is once again off.

“I wouldn’t dream of it without my partner. Now go!”

“I’m going! I’m going! I’m already out the door! Bye!” I wave and rush out the door, towards my car.

I’m so behind now… I got more work done than I thought I would though.

I pull out my phone and let my dad know I’m on my way and sorry because I got stuck at work. He replies be careful and a meme with a speeding car… He knows me well.

7 hours later, I’m pulling into my dad’s snow covered driveway, exhausted.

“Lil!” I hear my dad and hop out of the car, just to hurry and hug him. “Hey dad, how are you?”

“Who are you?” He gasps, looking me over, “Where’s my daughter?”

“Very funny! These looks aren’t going away.” I laugh pointing to my face. He messes my hair up and tries to turn me around to kick my butt. “Yep, there she is.” He says, “C’mon. Let’s grab your bags and get you inside. It’s freezing. Was your drive okay?”

I nod and hurry back to grab the few bags I brought, dragging the smallest one inside. “Are you hungry? Thirsty?” He asks.

“No, I’m super tired though. Care if I sleep already?” I ask, bobbing my head towards my old room.

“No, go ahead.” He smiles, “I’ll see you in the morning then.”

“Night dad.”

Walking into the bedroom of the past, I smile. Nostalgia hits though it’s only been 2.5 years.

I left this place behind and almost everyone around it. Anya and my dad are the only ones that I kept in touch with. I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing that wench every day or hearing about her either, so I cut off ties with Chan. It hurt, hell, it hurts today.

I throw my bags down on the floor, change and wash my face and fall face first down into my bed. It’s still just as uncomfy as ever but I’ll take it. I missed this too.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“About time! Wake up! We have things to do and people to see! Let’s go. Up. Up. Up.” I hear someone and then feel someone rolling me around on the bed, attempting to wake me up.I’d become a heavy sleeper…

“Mmmm.”

“Nooo, wake it up woman!” Anya laughs, “Let’s go eat and get coffee.”

“My eyes flutter open and I see my friend standing there and I smile, “Anya! What are you doing here?”

“Come on, up. Your dad said I could have you today since he has to work.”

“You talked to my dad?”

“Yup, when you left-”

“No, it’s alright. I don’t want an explanation.” I say, honestly. That’s an old part of my life and it just needs to go away.

“So, come on. Up. We’ve gotta meet Donghun for breakfast and coffee.” She smiles and smacks my leg which is still cozy under my blanket.

“Alright, I’m up. I’m up. Let me throw some jeans on and a tank top.” I stand up and see her eyes widen. I look down to make sure I still have pants on and nothing is messed up, “What?” I ask when everything looks normal.

“Where did you go?” She asks, meeting my eyes.

“Really?” I put my hand on my hip.

“Lili, you look amazing!” She laughs and I smile, bowing to her. “Thank you. I’ve worked my ass off.”

“God, if Ch-” She cuts herself off but I already know what she’s going to say. “It wouldn’t change anything.” I say, “Now, let me change and we’ll go eat. I’m starving.” She nods, avoiding my gaze now.

I nudge her with my shoulder and smile, grabbing my bag to go change.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Donghun!” I squeal as I see him sitting in the booth as we enter the diner. He smiles widely and stands up, holding his arms open for a hug, “Hey, Lil. Long time no see.”

I squeeze him and he squeezes me harder to where I feel like I could pop like a balloon.

“Ah! I missed you.” I say happily. The smile on Anya’s face is priceless and we take a seat, staring at the menus on the tabletop.

“How’ve you been?” He asks, smiling and I see him take Anya’s hand that’s sitting on the table. I smile, wanting to ogle at them. “I’m alright. Working and being a homebody.” I chuckle.

“So nothing’s changed much then? Besides the obvious.”

“Nope, nothing’s changed.” I can’t stop smiling, I’ve missed them so much. “How have you been? I know Anya’s been working a lot too.”

“I’ve been good. Teaching vocal classes at the school this year.”

“Donghun, that’s great!” I put my hand over my mouth in awe. Then I see the waitress come up to take our order. I order something I haven’t had in a long time, indulging for once, “I’ll have the cheeseburger and loaded fries with a sprite, please.” She nods and the other 2 order as well. I hope I can eat all of that…

We eat and talk, just like old times and I couldn’t be happier.

“Anya? Help me pick out some ice cream from the freezer?” Donghun asks, pointing to the freezer in the corner. “Sure.” She says, getting up and I start to get up but Donghun tells me to stay here. I don’t understand why, but okay.

They walk over and then my view is blocked, “Lili…?”

I look up into the brown eyes I swore I’d never see again, “Ch-Chan? Wha- What are you doing here?” I can’t be here. I need to leave and I start to get up and grab my things, emotions flooding back that I’d buried for so long. Movie nights, dinners, his hugs and feeling safe..No. I can’t.

“Lili, please don’t leave. Just give me a minute.” He says and I put money for my food on the table and walk out the door, not looking back.

I hear the bell ring on the door and hear running before they stop, “Liliana!” I pause at my full name, rarely ever hearing it from him. It always sounded sweet. Tears fall down my face and I wipe them away then look back at him.

“What do you want, Chan?” I ask, feeling defeated.

He walks up to me and looks into my eyes. I can see his jaw tense and his hand start to move but stop, “Give me an hour. Please?” He begs.

“Cha-”

“Liliana, please?”

I nod and let him lead the way. He leads me to a black sports car that doesn’t fit him at all besides he likes speed, and he opens the door and I see yellow seats.

“Hop in.”

“This is yours?” I ask incredulously. He only nods and offers again. I do so and sit my stuff down as he’s walking to the driver’s side. He starts the car and I look at him to ask where we’re going.

“We’re going somewhere that I go when I want to think.” He says without even looking at me and drives away. The ride is silent and I sit there and fidget with my nails, “Quit before you break one.” He sighs and I look over at him in a double take. I stop and look out the window, biting my lip now and wonder where we’re going because he’s driven outside of town.

We pull up to a lake on the outskirts of town, about 8 miles from the college and I get out, looking around.

The freshly fallen snow, only touched by rabbit paws and the trees weighed down.

Walking up beside me, I see his breath before I see him. “Come this way, there’s a place to sit and stay warm over here.” He leads me towards a little fishing cabin, not very big, but big enough to start a fire in and talk.

He puts some firewood in the pit and starts a small fire, “It’ll be warm in just a minute. Don’t worry.”

“I’m not. I’m still used to the cold. I left but I didn’t stray too far.” I mutter. I watch the fire grow, getting lost in it for a minute.

“Why’d you leave?” He asks and I can hear the pain in his voice. I look up and see it written on his face too. This was a bad idea.

“I shouldn’t have come here today.” I grumble, standing up and trying to walk past him to get to the door. He stands up, blocking my way, but not angrily, “Wait. Please?”

“I can’t do this, Chan.” I sigh.

“You don’t have to talk then, just listen.” He insists. I close my eyes and nod, turning around and moving back to my seat. I hope I made the right choice.

“For starters, I’m really freaking happy to see you. You look great, not that you didn’t before and I wanted to tell you that at the diner but you ran. But you look amazing, I’m really proud of how far you’ve come.” I look up at him, in shock at what he just said. “Anyway, I don’t want to get off track. I know Liliana, I know about what Sam did.”

My heart stops. I didn’t want this today and I didn’t want him to ever know what had gone down. How did he find out? “H-H-How?” I stutter.

“You really want me to tell you how I found out?” He asks, looking shocked. I nod.

“Anya sent a picture of it to Donghun the day of graduation. Actually right after we walked... He sent it to me but I’d broken my phone, remember? Not everything was coming through when it should have, especially photos. I didn’t get it until the next day.” I hear the anger in his voice and the tears in my eyes start to fall. She must have taken the photo before she asked me what it was, knowing I wouldn’t tell her.

“She should have left it alone.” I grumble.

“No, you should have fucking told me earlier, Liliana.” He stands up and glares down at me. He’s never been angry at me and I don’t think he’s truly angry this time, just hurt.

“Why? You were happy.” I look up at him, acting unaffected but my heart is shattering into pieces.

“Yeah, because I wanted to be happy with someone who was treating you like shit.” He says sarcastically. I stop what I’m going to say and just stare.

“What was I supposed to say? She said you’d never believe me and after everything that’s gone wrong before, do you really think it felt that far off for me?”

“You knew me better, you should have come to me.” I see a tear fall from his eye and I don’t want to be here anymore. This is breaking me.

“I wanted you to be happy, that’s not changed.” I say, standing up and trying to walk around him towards the door. He’s too big, I can’t unless I step over the fire.

“I broke up with her that day. I broke up with her the day after graduation and came with Anya looking for you. You left without saying goodbye, you left me. You could have given me a chance, taken a leap of faith on me.” He chokes out.

“She broke me, Chan.” I sob, hiding in my hands. “You knew what I was like back then and how I was growing up. I told you and I care too much for you to see you unhappy.” I feel his arms wrap around me and for the first time since that day in the science lab 2 years ago, I feel safe.

“I do know and that doesn’t change the fact that you should have come to me then. I would have believed you over her anyday of the week.” His hand pushes my head up gently, looking at my eyes, which are probably red and swollen now.

“Really?”

He nods, “Of course. You knew me better than anyone. Probably still do.”

This time I let the tears flow freely. I had held them back for far too long and he just holds me while I cry. “Lili?” He says softly.

“Yeah?” I answer, drying my eyes on my coat.

“Do you remember the night we met? The night in the club?” He asks. I look at him confused, I don’t understand why he’s bringing this up now… But I nod, “Yeah? Why.”

“You know that night, we were there for Jun but he was dancing and once we saw you two, we just kind of left him. That’s why he was so aggravated. We were supposed to be his wingmen but Donghun saw Anya and was hooked and once I started talking to you, I was too.”

“You’re my best friend, I mean..were my best friend, Chan. We hung out and it was great.” I smile sadly.

“You’re not getting the point, dork. I loved being around you. You made me feel better, always. We were always talking or texting or hanging out. It was everyday. Anya and Donghun and you and I. It wasn’t awkward and it wasn’t anything we worried about, it just happened and I hadn’t realized it until you left that day.”

His words hit home.

“I’m sorry for not realizing it sooner and I’m sorry that I didn’t know that she was being such a witch to you. I never meant to hurt you-”

“You didn’t hurt me, Chan. I did it to myself. You’re right, I let her get to me and I should have known better. I knew you back then and knew you would believe me but I was afraid that my feelings for you were getting in the way and making me overreact.”

“Feelings for me? What do you mean?” He looks down at me.

Well, I messed that up. I never wanted to admit this to anyone and now I ruined that. Fuck it.

“Yeah, feelings for you, smart one. I’d had a crush on you for the longest time. The night at the club, you had me interested but when we went to dinner the first time was when I knew.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

February 7th- 2 years ago

“What are you doing?” I laugh as he grabs his wallet and keys.

“Come on, we’re going out too.” He says, holding out his hand. I look at him in confusion and wonder why.

“Okay?”

“If Anya and Donghun aren’t going to be home then neither are we. Let’s go. We’re going to dinner.” He smirks.

“Chan! It’s snowing!”

“So what? Then we can get soup and hot chocolate.” And that’s exactly what we do. The snow fell hard enough to make it annoying to drive in but nothing too difficult. We pull up to the diner we always visit and run in, freezing since his car doesn’t have heat.

“You’ve gotta get that fixed.” I whine.

“I will. When I get a better job.”

We take a seat at the back of the place, where we always do and I order potato soup and water, reminding myself to get hot chocolate later. Chan orders chili and pepsi and I regret my decision. I want his..

“Man, I should have gotten what you did.” I grumble.

“Why didn’t you?” He asks.

“It didn’t sound good when I thought about it.” I answer honestly.

I start to eat my food, though he tries to switch me and I swat his hand away. Laughing and trying once more before giving up.

“Let me eat the food I don’t want Chan.” I laugh.

“I eat anything though, so either one sounds fine to me.” He smiles.

“Yes, but I ordered it. Not you, I’ll eat it. It’s fine.”

“Share?” He asks, pouting.

“You’re joking.” I giggle.

He sticks his spoon in my soup, taking a bite, “Okay, you may not get any of it.” He chuckles, reaching for another spoonful.

I look at him and just laugh hysterically and he looks at me with soup on his lip now. I lean up and take my thumb and swipe it across, cleaning it off.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Present

“Really? At the diner?” He chuckles, remembering too.

“Yep.” I say, popping the ‘P’. I don’t even notice, but I feel more relaxed now and finally I notice, I’m still being held by him and my heart beats faster.

“Wow, so if only.”

“If only?” I ask.

“If only I’d have realized then what I realized the night I found out that you had left.”

My heart beats out of my chest, “What did you realize?” I was almost too afraid to ask.

“Are you seeing anyone now, Lili?” He asks, out of nowhere and my automatic response kicks in, “Um, no?”

He leans down and his lips meet mine and I lose all air from my lungs. I close my eyes, feeling lost in a dream. It’s not a deep kiss but it’s sweet and lasting. He pulls away and I wonder if I was dying from frostbite somewhere in a delusional state of bliss.

I open my eyes and see him smiling down at me, “Wha- what did you realize again? I’ve forgotten how to think.” I say sarcastically. He leans down, planting a softer kiss on my lips and I didn’t think that was possible.

“That I should have been looking in front of me the whole time. Instead of chasing something I was blinded by that wasn’t special to me in any way, I should have been chasing you.”

“I’m sorry I ran and didn’t have faith in you.” I say, trying to avoid tears again.

“It’s not your fault and you’re here now. Do you forgive me?” He asks.

“There’s nothing to forgive. I tried to protect you to make you happy.”

“Yeah, well you make me happy.” He smiles.

“You make me happy too.” I smile back, standing on my tiptoes before kissing him again and he tangles his hand in my hair, “Can we go back to your car now? I can’t feel my fingers.”

“Sure, Lili. Sure. But we have a lot to talk about later.” He smirks, kissing me one last time and turning to put out the fire before we head back to the car as fast as possible.

[awkwardgtace]

Corus realizes his feelings

Corus is smart but dumb and realizes things. Also thanks to everyone who's enjoyed my writing hope you keep liking the random stuff my brain spits out <3

Corus Realizes His Feelings

Corus could barely contain his excitement. His little roommate had still been reluctant to spend much time with him, but he found something she was curious about. Movies. She’d never seen one and had mentioned being curious to some of the ones he’d watched before he found her. He would make this perfect, they would watch movies all day and she might actually relax around him. He grabbed the pillow he’d bought for her, this was the best place for her to sit after all. Placing it carefully on the table, he’d put some pillows on the ground for himself. He wanted to be close in case any of the movies scared her.

Once the room was set he went to the kitchen to get some snacks. He wasn’t sure what she had tried so he got a normal movie fest set up. Some candy, popcorn, soda, the works. Although he put together a collection of foods he knew she’d eaten before in case she hated the snacks. She would never ask if she wanted something else. He was careful about placing them out, a few popcorn kernels placed on a napkin on the pillow. He added a little of each type of candy and set the bowls and bags on the floor. He didn’t want her nervous about him reaching into a bowl or bag. He checked the time, there was only a few more minutes before she was supposed to be showing up, although she might already be nearby. He was just about ready to sit and wait when he realized he forgot to bring a cup for her.

He ran back to the kitchen grabbing the doll cups he’d ordered. She was annoyed at first, saying she didn’t need his help, but he wanted things to be easy for her when around him. He tried to keep his pace steady as he rushed back to the coffee table. He couldn’t let anything go wrong today, he’d make sure to focus on light hearted movies and then next time he’d explore with her more. He carefully placed the cup down and took the seat he set for himself just to the side of where Mira’s pillow was on the table. He didn’t want to make her feel crowded. He took one last look around before finally trying to relax. The two were just going to watch some movies, nothing to worry about.

He didn’t have to wait long before he heard a small noise. He tried to be casual as he looked over and saw her fish hook on the table edge. He had been pretty sure she was nearby waiting for him to stop rushing around, here was his proof. He blushed a little, she must have been watching for most of it. He was glad too, she came up as soon as he seemed settled so she must be starting to trust him more. He didn’t realize he’d been staring at the spot she’d appear until her lavender hair popped up over the edge. He knew she’d notice him turn away, but couldn’t help it. She hated him staring, but his eyes always found their way back to her.

“Quite the set up,” she said. She had made her way over to the pillow looking around at everything he’d placed on top.

“Had to make your first movie marathon the best,” his excitement bleeding out of his words. “So Mira, you said you’d seen parts of some movies, any you want to describe to try and start with?”

Mira carefully climbed on to the pillow, trying to avoid jostling any of the food, “There was one you had on a lot, there was music in it.”

“Oh, sure I’ll put that on,” he said, a little embarrassed. Sometimes he forgot Mira had been around long before he’d found her. She probably heard him the times he’d put on kids movies to sing along to while working on something. He assumed she’d meant Anastasia, it was one of his favorites growing up. At this point, he knew the story and all the songs, mostly using it for white noise. He couldn’t help his desperate hope that Mira would like it too.

He let himself focus on the movie, trying to just wait for Mira to comment, but by the time Anya met Dimitri his eyes had drifted. Mira sitting on a pillow on a coffee table felt surreal. She could fit in one hand and yet from the second they, officially, met he’d been borderline intimidated. Even on the table that day, she seemed to radiate this energy that she could handle anything. He smiled, thinking back to when he found her asleep by the kitchen sink. He didn’t fully believe she was real until then. She looked so fragile, nothing like the person who’d been ready to try and climb down smooth wood.

He still can’t believe she ever lets him hold her. The first time he thought she might have been hurt and he made it worse. All he can think of when she’s in his palm is a porcelain doll. They’re beautiful and fragile, how she appears if you go by just looks. That’s probably the best way he could describe her to anyone without revealing much. She’s pale enough to be one too in all honesty. She looks like she should stand out and yet he’d only found her by chance. He couldn’t help but feel lucky.

He couldn’t bring himself to stop watching her. She was focused entirely on the movie, it didn’t even seem like she was on edge about him. She seemed to put so much trust in him, he just wanted to make sure she never doubted it. Pushing his thoughts away, he tried to just focus on the movie, listening while watching Mira. As he slowly gathered what was happening, he realized his mistake in following through on this choice. It was a children’s movie with a relatively scary villain who was reckless and rough with his treatment of the small creatures around him. As the scene revealing Rasputin’s return began he could feel his pace pick up, this could be a setback.

He kept his gaze locked onto Mira, waiting for her response. He expected fear, a betrayed look, something blaming him, instead he saw her stiffen. She relaxed once the scene began to end, but seemed on edge still. He had messed up, he ruined the whole day. He picked the worst movie, he should have picked anything else. A horror movie would probably be better than this. He kept a close eye on her, turning his head back to the movie to avoid it being obvious. He was expecting her to start inching off the pillow, to be ready to run. He looked to the edge she climbed up and froze, her hook wasn’t there. He knew this table wouldn’t let it fall. Did she take it with her to the pillow?

“Mira,” he asked, wincing when he saw her jump, “do you want something to drink? I brought some of the cups out.”

“Sure,” she answered. He couldn’t believe how calm she sounded. He passed her one of the cups he’d bought her, watching closely for any nervousness. Once he’d poured some of the soda into his own cup, he put it near the pillow so she could scoop some out.

“I don’t like that Rasputin guy. He’s just cruel,” she said as she crawled over to the pillow edge.

“I don’t think anyone does. He is the bad guy.” Corus answered with an awkward laugh.

“Good. The others seem like they’d be humans like you.”

Corus felt his eyes go wide, humans like him were good, right? That meant she thought he was a good human. That means she must actually trust him. He couldn’t fully understand the feelings he had from those words. He was positive she’d hate him, connect him to the bad guy and never come out again. He just let himself accept the relief and tried to focus on the movie again. Although he wound up just staring at Mira more. Taking in her reactions to each part and just barely stopping himself from trying to comfort her when he saw her go stiff. He only realized the movie ended when she turned to look at him.

“So what did you think?” he asked. He desperately hoped he seemed casual and it wasn’t obvious he had barely taken his eyes off her.

“The music was pretty, I get why you sing them a lot,” she said, making his cheeks flush. “That one early, with December, I liked that one a lot. The bad guy was awful. I'm glad he’s gone.”

“So overall you liked it?”

“I think so.”

“Do you want to watch another one?”

Mira took a moment to think, and he panicked a little. She could have just stayed to seem strong. He should probably say he can’t. He could also just pick movies without villains like this one. Maybe just do some romantic comedies instead. He could also just show some simple cartoon movies, ones without any characters close to her size. He could also pick ones where giants get killed, maybe she’d like that, although it could give her ideas.

“Are there others with music like this?” she asked, he melted at the hopeful look in her pink eyes.

“Yeah there’s plenty more, I know a few I think you’d like,” he smiled quickly, switching to a somewhat softer movie he tended to watch. The afternoon went by in a blur after that. He had mild panics when he thought a scene might scare her, but overall she seemed to enjoy each one. It did seem like Anastasia might be her favorite of the day. He was ecstatic she loved the same one he did. He didn’t want today to end.

“I should go back, I have things to take care of,” she announced, standing and stretching before jumping off the pillow. He tried to hide how sad he was, today was better than he’d imagined. He wanted to spend more time with her.

“Well let me know if you want to do this again, movie marathons are always fun,” he gave her the best smile he could muster.

She walked to the table edge placing her hook and turned to start climbing down, “I think I’d like that.”

She was out of sight before he could say anything. He could have called out, but decided to leave it and respect the idea that she’d ‘left the room’. He waited a few minutes so she could be safe before cleaning up, his mind taken up by the day. He still didn’t understand why being called a good human made him almost giddy. Thinking back, he didn’t understand why he was so nervous for this movie marathon either. He just wanted to let her relax and enjoy some movies, there wasn’t a reason to be nervous.

The clean up went fast and he went straight to bed. He fell onto the bed, his eyes locking on to the discolored patch on the wall. He could have felt relieved because she finally considered him good, although that didn’t seem right. He tried to decipher it, this wasn’t just a clear or clearing conscience. He felt as nervous today as he did for his last date, but that didn’t seem to match up. He was nervous Mira wouldn’t have fun, not that he’d mess up like back then. That line of thought wasn’t helping him figure it out, he wasn’t sure why he made that connection in the first place.

Mira was beautiful, brave, strong, and in rare moments she seemed fragile. He hated that she didn’t seem to want to stay near him. Today he was desperate to just reach out and hold her. He wanted to protect her, maybe that was it, just a need to keep her safe. Although she didn’t seem to need any help to take care of herself. She was amazing as far as he was concerned. If he didn’t see her first hand he wouldn’t believe she wasn’t the same size as him. He couldn’t really get her out of his mind most days. He just stared at the wall for a while trying to think of what this could be. After what felt like hours, his eyes went wide and he rolled on to his back. He put his arm over his forehead, the realization feeling like a truck crashing into him.

“There’s no way,” he murmured. He wanted to laugh at how absurd it was. He might actually have a crush on the woman who lives in his walls. Hell he might even love her. He had no idea how to handle this, she already had a weary view of humans. If he said anything she might just think she couldn’t say no. He would just have to get her to believe he’d never do anything to hurt her. Eventually she may stop seeing him as a threat and he could be honest, for now he would just ignore what he felt. He might even be reading into it, he never really felt something like this for someone before.

Corus tried to push the thoughts from his mind, focusing on sleep. It didn’t work leading to an early start he didn’t want. He was half awake as he walked into his kitchen, starting some coffee to help him through the day. He was lost in his thoughts again, jumping a bit once he saw Mira. She didn’t seem like herself, more reserved. He assumed she had trouble sleeping too, maybe thinking about the movies.

“Thank you for yesterday,” she said, but she sounded off. “I, uh, could I watch that first one again?”

“Yeah if you don’t mind using my tablet in my room, you can watch others you think might be interesting while I get some work done too.”

She nodded and quickly moved out of sight again. He never really understood why she’d be fine some days, and terrified again the next. He sighed as he finished making his coffee. He walked slowly to his room, in case Mira popped out again for some reason. When he walked in she wasn’t there yet, so he pulled out his tablet opening his streaming app and set it to sit up in front of Mira’s pillow. He sat at his desk quickly connecting to the network so he could help her get comfortable before starting his day. He didn’t want her to be stuck waiting on him.

“Is this really all right?” her voice was meek, he wondered if she wound up changing her mind about who he reminded her of..

“Yeah it’ll help me focus too,” he turned to give her a smile and paused. She had a piece of fabric wrapped around her shoulders he didn’t recognize. It didn’t come from anything he owned, and didn’t match what his grandmother used. “Are you cold?”

“Wha-?” her brows furrowed, she gripped the blanket closer only then seeming to realize. “O-oh, no I, um, it calms me down.”

“Did something happen?” Mira flinched and he felt like an idiot. She didn’t like it when he asked her about her life in the walls. She would quickly leave after as if afraid he’d do something.

She looked away, and he opened his mouth to try and fix this when she spoke up, “I had some nightmares, they just happen sometimes. The movies seemed like they’d help me stay distracted. I didn’t have a lot of thoughts other than the movies yesterday. I uh...”

“Well let me know if you do need anything. I’ll listen if you want to talk about it.” He smiled and she gave a small nod. He wasn’t going to make her explain anything she didn’t want to. She quickly climbed from her spot near the edge of the bed onto her pillow and looked at him. He nearly hit himself in the head, of course she doesn’t know how it works.

“You can just press it like this,” he said and slowly reached over to hit play. She nodded and focused on the movie, he’d help her all day if she needed. Work wasn’t usually hectic, and he could work some late hours. He felt that almost giddy feeling again, her telling him what’s wrong was new. He turned to focus on his work, letting himself focus and just listen to the movie as it runs. Once it ended, he waited a few minutes before turning to see if she needed help. He smiled when he saw she’d fallen asleep, carefully he grabbed the blanket he kept nearby for her and laid it over her small frame.

Corus had to accept it, he was at the very least falling for Mira. Honestly days like this were more than enough for him. If he could be someone she could go to, that's more than enough. At least that’s where he’ll stay for now and if he ever says anything, well hopefully she’ll know that he won’t force anything on her.