#angry sounding one). and bc i know i dont get it right i go ‘whoops sorry i meant it like this’ but people yell and scream and grab and all

[yelloworangesoda]

the worst part about my incredibly low pain tolerance is when people literally don’t believe you. why would i lie

[ghostedghouls]

make it hurt

✢ in an attempt to save himself from more hurt, dew decides to hurt swiss the only way he knows he can.

✢ pairing: Swiss x gn!reader / Dew x Swiss (not romantically)

✢ genre: angst

✢ warnings: manipulation, dew is an asshole, trauma, swiss has a dark past, mentioned murder, hurt/no comfort, dew has issues i dont blame him

✢ a/n: the romantic pairing is reader x swiss, but the story focuses more on dewdrop/ dewdrop x swiss because I wanted to explore this dynamic (and also hurt swiss whoops). Also this got way longer than i wanted it to be so maybe i’ll have to do a part 2 bc i cant stand bad endings :( | not beta read sorry

Dew was known for being the most difficult of the ghouls. He was known for his temper and anger, the heated arguments and the venom in his words.

Dew was known for his low blows.

The other ghouls knew that Dew hardly meant the things he said in a fit of anger and rage. At first the words had stung. The fire ghoul had a talent for finding the most hurtful words and digging deep, reaching for things he knew would provoke a reaction from the others; preferably anger or hurt. And oh boy, was it hurtful at times.

But the better the ghouls got to know him, the more they learned not to take the words to heart, no matter how hard it was at times. They knew it was his way of protecting himself, his way of making sure the other person stopped digging into him, stopped prying open old wounds. It was his way of making sure nobody would ever break down the walls that he so carefully had built around himself.

But even though the ghouls tried to not let the words get to them, they always eventually did. Dew knew how to get under their skin, tear open their wounds so his own could stay closed. A low blow from Dew would usually end the argument, the other ghoul too angry, shocked or hurt to continue the conversation.

But not with Swiss. Not today.

Swiss stood his ground as the fire ghoul spat insult after insult at him. His arms were crossed in front of his broad chest as he listened to the never-ending stream of words, carefully picked out by the smaller ghoul to dig into Swiss’ insecurities and worries. But Swiss saw through Dew easily. He knew that he was trying to deflect from his own worries and traumas. So he stood there and took the verbal abuse because he knew Dew didn’t mean it. Never did.

Swiss was by far one of the hardest ghouls to truly anger. He was very forgiving, especially with the smallest ghoul. He tended to laugh things off or talk things out right away as to not leave an argument unresolved. If the other ghoul thought about it, he had never seen Swiss even remotely angry. There were times where he seemed pissed off but never really angry.

“Are you done yet, firefly?” The nickname sounded sour on Swiss’s tongue and Dew almost visibly recoiled. But he knew better than to show a reaction. He had to be indifferent, hide that he was vunerable. But the comment had thrown him off and his brain short-circuited long enough for Swiss to finally get a word in.

“You stand here and go about your little spiel like you always do, Dew. But we both know you don’t mean it. You can curse and scream at me all you want; it won’t change a thing. There wasn’t even a real argument to begin with. You got your fragile ego hurt and now you’re foaming at the mouth like a rabid animal.”

Dewdrop growled at that. Low in his throat as his tail swished angrily behind himself. It was true, and that was what angered the fire ghoul the most. Satanas, Dew had already forgotten what the whole argument was even about. He was only arguing for the sake of getting Swiss off his tail. To hurt the multi ghoul so that he wouldn’t end up being hurt himself. The other ghoul was entirely too calm for his liking and it scared Dewdrop. It scared him that he didn’t have control of the conversation. It scared him that Swiss knew exactly what he was trying to archive. Scared him that he was so fucking vunerable in front of someone after he had sworn himself to never be open like that again. He opened his mouth to say something he knew would hurt Swiss, but the other ghoul was faster to speak.

“Do you know what I think? I think you’re getting so defensive because you know I am right. You know you don’t even mean a single thing you say to us all the time. Because you’re scared to let someone - for once in your goddamn life - into that head of yours. Because you’re so fucking scared that if you let someone in, they will tear you down from the inside. Because you know you couldn’t take that again.” Swiss’s words seemed harsh but he was calm, somewhat encouraging even.

But Dewdrop was seething where he was standing. He felt like he was vibrating with anger. His fists were balled up so tightly, he could feel the sharp claws dig into his own flesh. His fangs were clenched so tightly, he was afraid they would break off under the pressure. If he’d had just a little less self control, he would have launched himself at the multi ghoul and ripped into him with claws and teeth. Copia and the clergy be damned. They would send him back to the pit for killing another ghoul, but he couldn’t care less in that moment.

Where did the multi ghoul get the audacity to dig into Dew’s head like that? Rip him open piece be piece and present him with his own thoughts. It sent him into a frenzy.

In that moment Dewdrop felt truly lost. There was no thing he could say to Swiss to make him stop, to make him leave. Dew nearly choked on his own spit. His throat felt tight as he tried to swallow. It became apparent that the fire ghoul wasn’t the only one who knew how to hurt others deeply.

Dew bared his fangs at Swiss and hissed. It wasn’t intentional, a leftover instinct from the pit that was generally considered bad manners by the higher clergy members. Swiss stood calmly but his tail jerked once, showing that he wasn’t immune to the feral display of agression from his bandmate.

And with a last growl, Dewdrop turned on his heel and left Swiss standing in the hallway. He felt humiliated and hurt. He was never the one to leave an argument, had never lost to the others. In his mind he was thinking of a thousand things he could do to hurt Swiss. The argument might have been over, but he wouldn’t - no, couldn’t - let the multi ghoul get away with this. He had to do something that would truly and utterly destroy the taller ghoul.

-

He was still seething as he stumbled through the clergy hallways. A few siblings he came across had fled once they saw him. Good, he thought, at least he was still respected by the siblings. They would never dare to talk to him the way Swiss did. Would never dare to pry into his head like that. They knew they couldn’t because he would rip them to shreds if they tried. Just like how he should have done with dear Swiss, he thought angrily, his fists clenched again.

He marched through the hallways for a little longer before something caught his eyes. And suddenly it felt like he was presented with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity sent by the hellish father lucifer himself.

You.

How had Dewdrop not thought of that before? Swiss’s little romance he had going on with you. It was still fresh, long months of ‘will-they-won’t-they’ finally turned into little kisses and shared nights. And that turned into actual feelings. Swiss had never officially told you how he felt, Dew knew that, but he could smell it on the multi ghoul. And he could smell it on you too. With renewed vigor (and anger) he walked up to you. 

Should he grab you and hurt you? Should he leave your body bloodied with bitemarks and drag you back into the ghoul den? The smell of your blood would be so overwhelming it would surely sent the multi ghoul into overdrive. A perverted satisfaction spread through Dew’s body at the thought. The satisfaction of truly hurting Swiss in the most horrible way he could. To finally make the multi ghoul snap. Because with anger Dew could work. Anger he knew how to handle. But no, he thought. That was too risky. It would get him a ticket straight back to hell from the clergy. And it wouldn’t hurt enough. Wouldn’t dig deeply enough into Swiss’ heart.

It was like a light went off above the fire ghoul’s head as you turned around, smiling at him as he approaced you. He tried to keep his face stoic, to not let a toothy smile shine through as he finally decided how to wreck Swiss.

“Dewdrop.”, you said warmly, “Is there something I can do for you?”

“No. I just wanted to check in how you were.”, he said, feigning worry.

“Oh um.. thank you, I am fine- why? Is there something I should be worried about?”, you asked confused.

“I just thought after the whole thing with Swiss... y’know. That you might be hurt...” Oh satanas, it felt so incredibly good. Dewdrops eyes nearly rolled back into his skull as you very clearly took the bait.

“What thing with Swiss? Did something happen?” you were starting to grow worried and Dewdrop nearly laughed at how pathetic it was.

“Oh no... he didn’t tell you yet, then. I’m sorry, I just thought he would have told you by now. Seeing how you two are pretty serious now I assumed he did tell you.” He let out a dramatic sigh. “But I guess he will tell you when he’s ready.... I just hope that’s soon - wouldn’t want you to get into a relationship with him under false pretences, right?”

You eyes grew wide with confusion and worry and as Dewdrop decided to slowly turn around and act as if he was going to leave, you quickly grabbed his arm to make him stay.

“Please.” you breathed out “What is going on? What do you mean with ‘false pretences’?”

“It’s not my place to tell you. He should tell you himself. It is a pretty big thing after all.” Dewdrop knew he already had you. He was only trying to make this even worse once shit hit the fan. He had to make sure you would talk to Swiss about it, maybe even end things with him. Oh satanas, how priceless the look on his face would be. He’d deserve it.

“I’m begging you to please tell me what you mean.”, you anxiously begged the fire ghoul who sighed in return as if he was doing this against his will.

“I thought he trusted you enough to tell you himself but maybe he doesn’t quite yet. It’s only understandable given his past, of course.” You were eating everything up Dewdrop was saying. And the best thing was, he didn’t even need to lie. Didn’t need to make things up about the multi ghoul because it was all true. Dewdrop leaned against the wall next to him before starting;

“Swiss wasn’t actually summoned with the rest of the ghouls. Not many people know this because he worked in the shadows most of the time. I just saw him occasionally while I was still working with Terzo.” The words tasted bitter in his mouth. The hurt still there, still fresh. “He didn’t eat with the other ghouls, didn’t spend time with the other ghouls. It was like he was kept away from the rest of the clergy at all times. I always wondered what his job was. There are no ghouls in the clergy that serve no purpose, so I was curious. I, myself, only got to know the truth recently.”

It was true. Dew thought back to the evening that Swiss had confessed. He had never seen him cry like that before. Had always assumed Swiss had no baggage, no hurt inside of him. But that evening, Swiss had sobbed as he told his mates about his jobs before the band. Explained how he had done the dirty work, had killed siblings and ghouls alike. Without ever questioning anything. How he had been the perfect killer all along. The other ghouls had been taken aback and the following days - even if they didn’t mean to - they had avoided Swiss. Those days had wrecked the multi ghoul horribly, to the point where he didn’t leave his room, not even to eat.

In the end they managed to talk things out. Nobody was truly mad at Swiss or scared of him. For fucks sake, they all were ghouls. They had all killed before. They just hadn’t expected something like this from chill, laidback Swiss. Swiss hadn’t asked them to keep it a secret but given his reaction the first time he confessed, it was pretty clear he didn’t want anyone else to know. This is why Dew knew his plan would work. He knew it would absolutely obliterate Swiss to be confronted with this part of his past again, especially if it came from you.

“Well it seems-... oh, I really don’t know if I should tell you this. You’re gonna be hurt.”, Dew tried to sow worries and it worked. “I need to know.”, came from you in almost a whisper.

“Well, there were certain ghouls that... did the clergy’s dirty work. I mean, it only makes sense to summon ghouls to do it, don’t get me wrong. And it just so happened to be our dear Swiss.”

“Dirty work?”, you asked, more in disbelieve than in not-understanding.

“Getting rid of unwanted people. Outside and inside the clergy. The perfect killer. Ghouls leave no traces behind as you know. Swiss does have some chompers on him, I will not lie...”

You gasped and Dew watched carefully as you stared in disbelieve. “But don’t worry. He would never hurt you!” Dew hesitated for a bit. “Probably, anyways. What do they say again; you can take the ghoul out of hell but you can’t take hell out of the ghoul?” He faked a laugh at the lame joke. A real smile crept on his lips as he watched you stare into space with furrowed brows, clearly worried about what you had just learned about your lover.

Dew knew he had to make the finale count, so he faked a worried face as he gently grabbed your shoulder. “I do need you to be careful though. Swiss was dangerous in the past, following orders blindly just because he was told to. He killed ghouls and siblings, some of which he worked with. He had no morales. I’m just confused that he hasn’t told you about this yet... I’m worried about what that means. He is a ghoul. You can’t forget that. A demon from the pit, summoned to fulfill a task.” Dewdrop stood taller as his hand fell off your shoulder. “He’s in the band now but we can’t be sure he isn’t still following some of his former orders.” That was the only lie. Swiss had promised that he had been released from that position ages ago, had sworn to his mates that he was telling the truth. And Dew knew it had been the truth... but you didn’t need to know that.

The guitarist left you standing in the hallways, your eyes shimmering with unshed tears of disbelief and sadness.

-

That evening Dewdrop sat in the common room. He listened to the muffled voices behind Swiss’ bedroom door. You two had been talking - arguing - for close to two hours. Dew was the only one left sitting there, all the other ghouls had left at one point, the atmosphere in the den too suffocating to bear.

When you had stumbled into their den a few hours ago, your energy had immidiately alerted all the ghouls. They had raised their heads as they watched you walk into the common area. Swiss was the first to approach you - of course he was. The energy you gave off must’ve been excruciating for the multi ghoul. The fire ghoul still felt the anger deep in his chest, barely any less than before. He wasn’t like Swiss, he didn’t forgive that easily. And Swiss deserved this. Deserved to be hurt just how Dewdrop had been hurt.

The multi ghoul knew something was off, so he lead you into his room without a word. You hesitated for a bit, worried. And Dew almost smirked as he watched you stand in the doorway of Swiss’ room. You looked back over your shoulder to the small ghoul.

-

You entered your lover’s room, closing the door behind yourself gently. The multi ghoul approached you slowly, gently reaching for your hands, encouraging you to tell him what was wrong. But as his hands brushed yours, a jolt rushed through you. Not a jolt of excitement, lust or happiness. No, this felt different. This was fear.

Hurt flashed across Swiss’s face as you moved your hands away from his reaching ones. And as you took a step back to increase the distance between your bodies, he felt like he would die right then and there.

“What’s going on, sweet cheeks?”, the taller ghoul asked, concern lacing his soft voice.

You didn’t speak for a second. Your head hung low, facing the floor, but Swiss could see the lines between your brows nontheless. His stomach twisted itself in knots as he just observed you for a second. Your hands were fidgeting with the hem of your shirt and your posture was defensive, closed-off. And the way you smelled - it felt like a punch to the gut to Swiss. Fear, concern, worry, hurt.

“You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong right now, but is there anything I can do to help y-” - “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Swiss was the one to take a step back this time. “What do you mean?”

“I deserved to know!” You raised your head and there were tears in your eyes. Not yet spilled but they were there and Swiss felt helpless.

“What are you talking about? Did I do something? Did you change your mind about... us?”

“No! I mean yes- no... I just-”, you stumbled through the words clumsily, not even knowing what exactly you were trying to say.

“When were you going to tell me you killed for the clergy?”

Swiss felt the breath being knocked out of him, his heart stopped for a second, a searing pain rushing through his chest before the organ stumbled into a rushed rhythm. His mouth hung open, his ears ringing. It was like his worst nightmare came true, and it was happening right now in front of him. He watched as the first tears fell and you whispered “So it’s true.”. The multi ghoul felt like he needed to throw up, his chest heaving and his tail erratic behind him.

Your eyes truly took him in then; The claws at his sides, the tail behind him, the grey skin, the tiniest peek of his fangs, the sharp ears and the golden eyes that shone through the slits of the silver mask. Those hands - those claws - that had caressed you many nights, had softly ran through your hair or across your skin, were the same ones that had the blood of so many people on them. His teeth, usually nipping you gently, had ripped out throats and limbs before. Had hurt and killed. murdered.

You swallowed thickly as a new wave of fear rushed through you. What were you doing? In the room alone with a killer and confronting him about it? If the things Dewdrop had said were true, then there was no way of knowing that he wouldn’t do it again. Your investigation in the library about those ‘special ghouls’ just before you got here, didn’t help either.

Swiss felt the instant shift from hurt to fear in you. He felt it deeply in his body and it itched at his insides. Satanas, he wanted to claw at himself, get rid of that feeling, rip it out from his insides.

He only recently had told the other ghouls about his past and the days following had been excruciating for him. It had created a rift in their relationship for a while. And even though everything seemed alright now, he knew they still thought about it from time to time. But they had been understanding, because they were also ghouls, because they had done similar things. He couldn’t expect the same understanding from you. A human.

Swiss watched your form shake as you cried silently and in that moment he wanted to die. He wanted to rush to Copias office and have himself be sent back to hell. Either by ritual or by a dagger to the heart.

As he started speaking, his own tears fell, his body rocking with sobs as he watched his relationship crumble in front of him.

-

Dew had felt a sick satisfaction as he listened carefully to what was being said. The two of you weren’t screaming at each other but the door did little to stop the fire ghoul from listening in on the conversation. The other ghouls sat strewn around the common room. Their own conversations had died down shortly after the smell of fear, hurt and sadness had crept through the cracks of the door.

The longer the argument went on the more suffocating the energy in the ghoul den got. Mountain had been the first to leave, excusing himself to his greenhouse to escape the all-consuming smell of a multi ghoul in distress. The girls had left together without a word. They didn’t need to say anything. Everyone knew.

One after another the rest of the ghouls left the den as the sounds of sobs grew louder from the bedroom. Phantom had scurried after the girls. Being a quintessence ghoul meant he felt everything even harsher than the other ghouls. And he couldn’t take it. Rain took his leave a little later after he couldn’t bear hearing Swiss cry anymore. It hurt too badly to stay.

The anger Dew had felt until just minutes ago was almost non-existent now. Instead, the ugly grasps of guilt had a tright grip on him, threatening to pull him under and drown him in it. He tried to tell himself that Swiss deserved it. That he didn’t do anything wrong. You did deserve to know what Swiss was, after all. But Dew knew it had not been his place to tell you. And not in the way he did. Using you to get a reaction out of Swiss. To manipulate you into thinking a certain way about the multi ghoul. His chest felt heavy with guilt, suffocating him from the inside.

He didn’t blame the other ghouls for leaving the den. The atmosphere was devastating. The smell of distress thick in the air. This was even worse than when Swiss had come clean with them a few weeks prior. And suddenly Dew wasn’t so sure what this would do to Swiss. He had been a wreck last time, there was no way of knowing what would happen this time.

Aether was the last to leave. He sighed as he got up from the sofa, turning to leave the den like the others had before turning back to Dewdrop with a snarl. It was so entirely unlike Aether, that Dew felt himself recoil at the gesture.

“You told them, didn’t you?”, he asked, disappointment in his eyes. Dew didn’t say anything but that was answer enough for the quintessence ghoul.

“You’ve said fucked up things before, Dewdrop. But this was a real low blow, even for you.”

And with that, Aether left the den without looking back at the fire ghoul still sitting on the couch. Dew’s own eyes stung with tears as he felt everything he had done crashing down on him. The tears didn’t fall though, because before they could, the door to Swiss’s room opened.

Your still crying form walked through the door and into the direction of the den’s exit. Swiss followed slowly, not daring to be too close to you. He stopped in the middle of the common room and watched with heavy sobs as you closed the door behind yourself. His eyes were transfixed on the door as if he was waiting for you to open it again. Open it and run back to him, leap into his arms and hug him, kiss him. Telling him everything was going to be alright.

But the door never opened.

Swiss turned to Dewdrop and when their eyes met, the fire ghoul felt like he was being pulled down into the pit. He had never, not even then, seen Swiss like this. Completely and utterly gone. Dew waited for Swiss to snap at him. To launch himself at the smaller ghoul and rip him to pieces. He wouldn’t have fighted back, he would’ve let it happen. He knew what he did was not excusable.

But the attack never came. Instead there was a shaky breath from the multi ghoul as he mustered up a bitter smile. “I hope you got what you wanted, firefly.”

He left the den as well. Where to, Dew didn’t know.

But the feeling in his stomach was so incredibly painful, he didn’t dare to move off the couch. And Dew had never hated himself more than in that moment.

[sunaluv]

[admit your faults]

in which suna doesn’t realise what he’s done until you’re gone. cw: angst, swearing, suna being an idiot

part 2 here

honestly wrote this bc I'm sick of the angst where you always forgive him likeeee grow a backbone...

suna made a mistake. a huge one.

honestly, looking back, he doesn't know why he found it so difficult to admit his wrongdoings.

the volleyball boys had just secured another win to their endless streak, your boyfriend playing a major role. 

the whole journey home had been filled with high spirits and the boys whooped and hollered. sadly, you couldn't make it due to the brutal assignments dumped on you. rintaro will admit, he was upset that you wouldn’t be there and he was in a bit of a slump during the first set, but he quickly got over it.

the bus pulled in, and the boys were getting ready to leave after a short brief from their coach.

“rin!” a feminine voice called to him as he was leaving. 

he turned around just in time to see their manager swing her arm around his neck, rubbing his head affectionately.

“well done on the win today! you really stepped up your game.” she teased. “what was up with you during the first half anyways?” her chipper voice held a teasing tone.

“It was nothing, my girl couldn't come to see me is all.” the mention of you made her brows furrow.

“thats a shame,” she was now rubbing his arm affectionately, her face inching towards his.

had someone walked in just then, you wouldn't be surprised if they were together. the tender gazes, the faint blush on the both of them and the closeness of their faces.

“rintaro.” you called from the doorway. the anger in your tone snapped both of them out of their trance and they both turned to you.

he made his way to you, a soft smile on his face, which you didn't bother to return. first sign that he fucked up.

you wouldn’t say your boyfriend was dumb, but he had to be if he couldnt notice his managers obvious advances on him.

“hey baby,” he quickly wrapped an arm around you, lightly pecking your forehead. “lets go?”

you didn't say anything, but allowed him to lead the way.

the sky started to darken by now, and barely anyone remained in the school. the sound of your shoes hitting the dirt path was the only thing heard in the tension filled air.

“whats up with you?”

“are you seriously asking me that right now?” you seethed. 

he stopped, seemingly surprised by your tone. 

you've told him multiple times that his manager had a massive crush on him. you told him all about how she’s set you up to look bad, how she’s constantly squeezing herself into his dms and the both of you were even there when she admitted she had an infatuation with your boyfriend.

however, he brushed it off telling you you were overreacting and that he'll be more direct with her.

‘be more direct with her’ my ass.

“what did i do?” he seemed oblivious.

“so you’re just gonna let her rub all up on you like that?” there was no stopping you now. “You said you’ll tell her straight up that you dont like her, unless you were lying?”

He turned to stand in front of you, hands grabbing both of your arms. “What are you talking about? Calm down babe”

“dont tell me to calm down,” you shrugged out of his hold, taking a step back “you’re making me look like a fucking idiot, i have everyone telling me my boyfriend is a two timer how do you think that makes me feel.”

like a smack in the face, he winced and retreated a little. “she's just really friendly i don't-”

“my ass,” you stressed. He didn't seem to  understand why you were so angry. “you know damn well if i let osamu rub up on me like that, you'd throw a fit.”

“that's different” he seemed to find his voice now. “He clearly has a crush on you.”

oh boy, you could laugh in his face so hard right now. 

but you opted for a light chuckle. “listen to yourself. honestly, i cant keep doing this with you, i can't be with someone who makes me feel this pathetic.”

you started to tear up, backing away from him. his mind immediately went to the worst case scenario.

‘nonono don't do this to me, i'll do better!’ is what he wanted to say. 

Instead he was silent.

“i'm breaking up with you. do what you want, entertain whoever you please, you’re free from the guilt now assuming you had any”

with that you left, leaving your now ex-boyfriend silently crying in the middle of the school grounds.

© sunaluv do not repost, steal, copy or edit

[edsbev]

im SAD and in PAIN can i get sum reddie hcs

sorry for not answering this earlier !! i was struggling to think of some but then i went into my drafts and found this long headcanon of young richie and eddie being idiot best buds who are lowkey crushing on each other and its so dumb which is why i never posted it but here u go

ok so. imagine.

the losers all have an elaborate walkie talkie set up, stranger things kids style, but richie and eddie have their own special station/channel where they can just talk to each other

and a lot of the time, richie uses it to call eddie late at night to invite him to some crazy shenanigan

like richie thinks his neighbour is a vampire or a serial killer or somETHING weird bc the guy is always shifting around in his yard and garage at night so richie always calls eddie to come spy on him with him (bc eddie is the only one who also believes that something is up with this guy) (bc if either richie or eddie believes some dumb shit then u can bET the other one does too)

so anyway thats how richie and eddie end up spending a lot of their summer nights hiding behind bushes in richies neighbours yard, trying not to go red when they have to huddle together, whisper-arguing abt whether or not richie pushed eddie into the bush on purpose or not, whisper-laughing abt some lame jokes they came up with on the spot bc they got bored or distracted, whisper-shouting and then actually shouting when they get caught

they try to bolt but the guy grabs them by the collar of their shirts and drags them to richies front doorstep. and they both smile sheepishly when maggie opens the door and finds them with their very angry neighbour again

(because this has happened multiple times and yet richie and eddie always go back bc theyre dumbasses)

maggie sighs as she lets the two boys inside and richie immediately begs her not to tell sonia bc she’d probably lock eddie up if she found out they were doing this and thats not even an exaggeration she’d rlly whoop eddies ass and look at eddies cute, innocent face mom how can u let her do that to him please dont tell…

maggie looks at eddie, who is giving her his very best puppy dog eyes

(the last time they’d gotten caught and dragged up to the toziers house by their neighbour, maggie had threatened that she’d tell sonia if it ever happened again. so now richie is literally on his knees pleading for her not to, bc he doesnt think he’d be able to manage if eddie got grounded and wasnt allowed to see him for a week)

and maggie relents bc despite everything, eddie actually does keep richie out of trouble most of the time.

once, she had seen richie about to attempt chugging a whole carton of milk in under a minute. and before she could interject, eddie had said, “dont do that idiot” and richie had said “yeah ok” and put the milk back and maggie had been dumbfounded bc richie literally never lets anyone tell him what to do ever

so she says she wont tell and lets eddie stay on the condition that they will never go into the neighbours yard again. and the two boys shout excitedly, richie wraps her up in a hug, and they ramble their promises over each other before racing upstairs to richies bedroom

where they pull out binoculars and continue to spy on the neighbour

they spot him out in his back yard. digging a hole in the ground.

“what do you think thats for?” eddie asks. he is using the binoculars. richie is pressed up next to him, his face pushed against the window to get a good look. (there is plenty of space by the window btw, richie is pressed against eddie bc he wants to be)

“probably to bury us in when he finally kills us,” richie jokes. eddie laughs ‘ha’ and then gives richie the binoculars so he doesnt have to look at the neighbour so closely anymore.

neither of them say anything after that. but something abt the joke rlly spooks them. maybe its the fact that its getting dark, the fact that they can hear the faint sound of the shovel scraping against the ground, the lingering memory of the angered look on the neighbours face when he’d caught them

theyre both a little on edge. so much so that when they finally call it a night, eddie hesitates by the made-up bed on the floor before deciding fuck it and climbing into richies bed with him

“what are u doing?” richie asks. his bed is small enough that eddie bumps against him as he shuffles under the covers

“nothing,” eddie grumbles. he turns so his back to richie, but their feet are touching. “kick me in your sleep and you die.”

“noted,” richie says. he stares at the back of eddies head and his heart flips up into his throat. he wants eddie to look at him. he also wants to tease eddie for being scared but hes scared too. so he ends up with: “you know if that guy rlly tries to kill us im sacrificing you for my own safety right?”

eddie doesnt miss a beat: “yeah right. i could just step on your glasses and you’d be done for. blind-y.”

richie kicks at eddies shin and eddie kicks back. richie laughs and eddie laughs. and they rib at each other until they fall asleep.

(but richie has a nightmare in the middle of the night and in his half-awakeness hisses at eddie until he also wakes up. and when richie tells him he cant sleep, they make a sleepy, fumbly deal to hold hands until theyre both knocked out again)

(and they think nothing of it. bc theyre not rlly awake and also theyre bros)

and the next day they sneak back into the neighbours backyard to check out the hole he was digging bc theyre idiots who never learn.

the hole looks body-sized.

theyre both convinced its for their soon-to-be-dead bodies

no one else can convince them otherwise, bc richie and eddie are two chaotic tinhat conspiracy theory believers 

and also best buds who like to rile each other up until they actually get scared

eddie sleeps in richies bed again that night

[toshiyelling]

I had a moment last night when I couldn't sleep and my brain was bouncing around on topics

and tbh I think one of the reasons I couldn't sleep is that I've been overloading my backbrain

expecting my brain to be working on countless issues emotionally, mentally, physically all the time. so I think my backbrain finally was saying HEY YOU NEED TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT UP IN THE FRONTAL LOBEand stop expecting me to do all the legwork. 👀👀🤷‍♂️ whoops

yeah sounds about right.

thanks backbrain.

but yeah especially with all the shitty stressful dreams I've had lately (i.e.the past month or more)

in most of my stress dreams, I am unavoidably stressed bc I cannot fix a problem. something has gone wrong and no matter what I do in my dream I can't fix it.

I think those dreams are stemming from the friend split I had back in may/june. I lost my best friend of over 3 years, whom I had lived with that whole time, considered a kind of soul mate etc.

it was a rough split, made rougher honestly just by who I am and the choices I make (and would make again).

on the one hand I'm glad that they seemed to forget the mentality they had around march-may where they literally didnt see any other solution then to kill themselves at the end of the year (and while their own mental health had a lot to do with that, among many other factors) I know that that conclusion was maybe not MY FAULT. but my doing? my decision that I wanted to live apart (which I told them about with 6 months to go on our lease together, knowing it would be a difficult change and would take time to be accustomed to the thought) that caused that hopelessness and the endless crying and pain from them

but yeah spending most nights a week overhearing your bestfriend (and at the time significant other) crying loudly in the room next to yours BECAUSE you decided that you wanted to live apart for a while (not break up, not move far away, just live apart and get some space) was not great for either of us.

wow tangent. BUT I am very glad that I think they hopefully moved past that line of thinking. that I made them so angry and spiteful and whatever other negative things that they no longer felt hopeless or helpless, that maybe they felt motivated (idk to show me up/prove me wrong?) but to keep going regardless of me and my life. I do hope they are able to find a life and happiness outside of me. it was never my job to supply it though, ya know?

that's a thing I think you need to do for yourself. so if being around me was going to always make you dependent on me for your happiness, maybe it's best that we split so definitively.... idk

ON THE OTHER HAND

I'll admit its difficult to cope with, seeing as I know they blame me for the dramatic ending. I think our 3rd roommate probably does blame me too (though that's a separate rant and is going, I think, pretty okay in the aftermath) knowing that everyone else involved in a situation blames you can make it difficult not to blame yourself. ..... idk

I'm responsible for the drama in a way, sure. I created the inviting incident. but it's not as if I acted completely alone, you can't have a fight with only one side, with only one party. I dont deserve 100% of the relegated blame.

I know what I did was hurtful. I know what I did was inconsiderate. i know what i did was exactly what i wanted to do regardless of other peoples feelings, so yeah, selfish. but I never got the chance to compromise and lessen the blow, to work out a solution. I wasnt given that chance. YOU didnt give me that chance. so if you put me in a situation where it's an ultimatum, all or nothing. yeah, I'm gonna choose me. I'm always gonna choose me. and I respect anyone who would do the same. I am who I'm stuck with for good. I have to make my choices. and live with them.

and while I find it somewhat personally embarrassing that I've been fairly stuck on this 'issue'/trauma? in my backbrain for a few months, I can accept that it makes sense. they were such a big part of my life for YEARS and my absolute best friend, I woulda called us close to inseparable. regardless of romantic love between us, or lack thereof. It is still a difficult split and while I dont regret my decisions, and I know I must live with the choices I've made, I am sad that my choices (which were best for me) caused me to absolutely lose such a close relationship.

maybe I just dont know how to grieve that friendship when things ended so explosively and badly?? maybe that has tainted my ability to grieve naturally? I genuinely have no idea

I still dont know how to fix it.

I cant fix the relationship, and I'm accepting that everyday.

but how do I fix the wound it left on me?

I cant fix the relationship, so I feel helpless in a way I never have before.

how do I fix me?

because I just want my peace, it's been what I've wanted for a while. I want peace

(personally not politically. side note,, the united states should dissolve regardless of election results, it's done.)

I just want to be happy as me, without this shadow looming, waiting to snatch and skin off the top of my happiness.

and I know I'll get there sometime. i.e. time heals all wounds. I just dont know where to put my foot next on the path to get there

[olivias-cardigan]

100 Questions!

Tagged by the best @bitchin-promises, love ya ally!!

1. What is your nickname? lex lol

2. How old are you? 16 

3. What is your birth month? november!!

4. What is your zodiac sign?  freakin scorpio

5. What is your favorite color? mustard 

6. What’s your lucky number? 9

7. Do you have any pets? no i wish

8. Where are you from? texas🤠

9. How tall are you? barely 5′3

10. What shoe size are you? 6.5/7

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? probably like 10 but like i only wear my birks and prime knit superstars

12. Are you random? i dont know what this question means but no ??

13. Last person you texted? my friends jess, miah, and katie!! katie is visiting and we are going to the mall later :)

14. Are you psychic in any way? nope ha

15. Last TV show watched? orange is the new black

16. Favorite movie? my sister asked me this the other day and i said hercules so we are just gonna stick with that

17. Favourite show from your childhood? hannah montana, suite life of zach and cody, KIM POSSIBLE, that’s so raven, drake and josh 

18. Do you want children? not for a WHILE but yeah

19. Do you want a church wedding? i haven’t thought about it, i’m technically christian but not really that religious ( i'm keeping ally’s answer bc thats me)

20. What is your religion? ^ (like my preschool was at a church and i went to vbs every year as a kid but like my family has never been to church)

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? for myself? no *KNOCKS ON WOOD*

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? alMOst

23. How is life? pretty decent my dude

24. Baths or showers? showers all the way my mom kinda ruined baths for me. she was like “it’s kinda like just sitting in your own filth” and now i can't 

25. What color socks are you wearing?  dark gray

26. Have you ever been famous? BAHAHA no

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? um it’s not like i want it but its not like i would hate it, ya know?

28. What type of music do you like? pretty much everything -- rap, pop, 70s/80s, indie 

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? nope

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3

31. What position do you usually sleep in? on my side but then i wake up on my stomach so i dont know man

32. How big is your house? two stories

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? nothing whoops

34. Have you ever left the country? no :(

35. Have you ever tried archery? its seems so cool!! but no

36. Do you like anyone? not at the moment except for joe keery

37. Favorite swear word? shit probably i say that 24/7 and in all these different accents

38. When do you fall asleep? its either like 9pm or 4am no in-between

39. Do you have any scars? yeah volleyball and softball are a bitch

40. Sexual orientation? straight

41. Are you a good liar? i don't think so 

42. What languages would you like to learn? spanish

43. Top 10 songs? I CAN’T DO THIS

44. Do you like your country? yep!

45. Do you have friends from the web? yes and i love them all dearly 💓

46. What is your personality type? well i'm estp so 

47. Hogwarts House? when i took the test on pottermore i got hufflepuff but like i feel like i am more ravenclaw so i dont know 

48. Can you curl your tongue? yes ma'am 

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? stanley uris

50. Left or right handed? right

51. Are you scared of spiders? they are my favorite but like i can kill them

52. Favorite food? salad DONT @ ME

53. Favorite foreign food? pupusas are SO GOOD OMG

54. Are you a clean or messy person?  super messy

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? oh jeez i dont know??

56. What color underwear? blue

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 10 minutes for school like an hour if i want to look nice

58. Do you have much of an ego?  i wouldn’t call it an ego as much as stubbornness

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? suck biting is just wrong

60. Do you talk to yourself? all the time

61. Do you sing to yourself? I ACT LIKE IM FREAKING WHITNEY HOUSTON AND SOUND LIKE SHIT

62. Are you a good singer? no like i am probably the worst singer you have ever heard 

63. Biggest Fears? rats

64. Are you a gossip? um little i guess

65. Are you a grammar nazi? i can be it depends. like their, there, and they’re C’MON

66. Do you have long or short hair? its like medium its at my collarbone so 

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? yeah

68. Favorite school subject? math all the way

69. Extrovert or Introvert? extrovert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? no i wish

71. What makes you nervous? public speaking like i'm fine once i get up there but i will worry about it for like a week

72. Are you scared of the dark? if i'm outside then yes

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? sometimes but not to be rude

74. Are you ticklish? very!!

75. Have you ever started a rumor? i hope not

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? no

77. Have you ever drank underage? like a sip

78. Have you ever done drugs? nah

79. What do you fantasize about? one day going to different countries

80. How many piercings do you have? three on each ear

81. Can you roll your R’s? yes and let me tell you, my spanish class is impressed

82. How fast can you type?  tumblr has made me a much better typer omg

83. How fast can you run? I'm not super fast but extremely competitive 

84. What color is your hair? light brown

85. What color are your eyes? hazel

86. What are you allergic to? peanuts, sesame seeds, basically every type of tree and grass

87. Do you keep a journal? i tried but i have the worst issue of never sticking to things

88. Are you depressed about anything? not right now

89. Do you like your age? i would if i COULD DRIVE OMG I WANT MY LICENSE

90. What makes you angry? when people try to argue about things they know ZERO about (fun fact: in english we got to write a persuasive article on whatever we wanted and i did mine on limiting ignorance)

91. Do you like your own name? sure

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? no but my sister was like three and my brother and i were playing life and she shoved one of those little people that go in the cars UP HER NOSE OMG

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? both!!

94. What talents do you have? i don't know you tell me

95. Sun or moon? sun

96. How did you get your name? my parents just liked it i guess

97. Are you religious?  not really

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? no

99. Color of your bedspread? oh jeez its like all these patterns with different shades of blue and purple (I want a new one)

100. Color of your room? light blue/mint

tagging: @holyhollland, @kylokiwi, @leahs-anxiety, @stanleysbird !!

[weretigerkun]

Tag Games, 2 in 1

long post under the cut

Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions. 

Tagged by @nekojimaxosamew and @looking-for-stray-dogs ahhh, thank you ;w; 1. coke or pepsi: i dislike both but coke is better 2. disney or dreamworks: disney? 3. coffee or tea: tea!! 4. books or movies: books 5. windows or mac: windows. if u make me use mac i get so confused. i dont even know how to scroll down lol 6. dc or marvel: marvel 7. x-box or playstation: i dont play video games so i really dont know... 8. dragon age or mass effect: ... pls see above answer 9. night owl or early riser: night owl, absolutely. 10. cards or chess: cards 11. chocolate or vanilla: vanilla! 12. vans or converse: converse bc they are the COMFIEST thing 13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: ????? lavellan sounds pretty. like lavender 14. fluff or angst: reading fluff but writing angst 15. beach or forest: forest! 16. dogs or cats: cats! who would i be if i chose otherwise 17. clear skies or rain: can it just be cloudy lol 18. cooking or eating out: cooking is healthier and cheaper but i enjoy eating out bc ... yeah its fun 19. spicy food or mild food: mild 20. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: christmas 21. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: a little too cold, bc i'd rather be always chilly than always angry :---) 22. if you could have any superpower, what would it be?: does mind control count just so i can conveniently get through life lol... if it doesnt, teleportation! 23. animation or live action: this... is difficult 24. paragon or renegade: ??? 25. baths or showers: showers 26. team cap or team ironman: team cap ;w; 27: fantasy or sci-fi: sci-fi 28. do you have three or four favorite quotes, if so what are they: this is... difficult... i dont usually have favorite quotes. let me update this when i hve access to all my books again

29. netflix or youtube: youtube 30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson: harry potter! i’ve never read any rick riordan books lol 31. when you feel accomplished: ....um, finishing something and actually being proud of it maybe 32. star wars or star trek: never watched star trek 33. paperback or hardback: paperback bc hardback is so heavy 34. horror or rom-com: horror, esp psychological~ i hate pointless gore films but im not a romcom fan either (bc so rarely is it done well, but as a fanfic author you know i still love romance lol) 35: Tv shows or movies: movies (unless anime counts lol) 36. spotify or pandora: spotify. rip 8tracks 37. zootopia or inside out: ZOOTOPIA IS MY DAMN JAM OKAY NOW WHEN WILL THEY MAKE MARXISM FOR KIDS THE MOVIE 38. dragons or unicorns: DRAGONS omg i loved dragons as a kid i even had a book about dragons and wanted to be a knight when i grew up lmao 

i’m not tagging anyone for this bc look at how long that is... also everyone’s done it already i think :D

YES THIS NEXT ONE IS A GOOD ONE I LOVE HEARING THESE THINGS ABOUT OTHERS AND SHARING THEM TOO

tagged by the dear @pengwenno

1. Are you named after someone?

no. my parents just really liked the name and thought it was pretty ;w; frankie isnt my full name of course

2. When’s the last time you cried?

oh damn.... early this week AHAHAH

you know that zodiac meme post that goes “virgo: pretends theyre not affeced but will cry at night” thats me bitch

3. Do you like your handwriting?

i think i do :D it’s very messy and sometimes hard to decipher but other people say it’s nice 

4. What’s your favorite lunch meat?

mmmhmhm everything give me all the protein 

5. Do you have kids?

no and i dont plan to ... do you honestly trust me with raising another human being? also, imagine saving all that money to go on trips abroad and travel and buy stuff aaaah

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with yourself?

no bc that bitch needs to get herself together

7. Do you use sarcasm?

i use it a lot and even when im being very quiet and polite in front of older people or authority sometimes it slips out too :---)

8. Do you still have your tonsils?

yes

9. Would you bungee jump?

no bc im a scaredy cat who would probably cry

10. What’s your favorite kind of cereal?

the ones with mixed nuts

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

only if im really in a rush

12. Do you think you’re a strong person?

no i am the weakest

13. What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?

vanilla, matcha, avocado... i cant choose 

14. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

clothes usually (and i have eye contact problems kajdf; i promise i dont mean to be rude i just hate making unnecessary eye contact bc it makes me so uncomfortable)

15: Red or pink?

red especially burgundy~ but pink is cute too, as long as its light or pastel

16. What’s the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself?

EDIT: oh wait PHYSICAL THING omg i misread

maybe my gross baby hands like theyre so small and chubby... not cute or feminine at all :(

17. What color pants and shoes are you wearing now?

purple pajamas and no shoes bc I SHOULD BE GETTING READY TO LEAVE BUT INSTEAD IM ANSWERING THIS THING 

18. What’s the last thing you ate?

buchi for dessert 

19. What are you listening to right now?

white noise of construction

20. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

maybe dark blue

21. Favorite smell?

???? idek. bread.

22. Who’s the last person you spoke to on the phone?

i dont remember

23. Favorite game?

alice: madness returns

24. Hair color?

dark dark brown

25. Eye color?

whoops you guessed it: brown

26. Do you wear contacts?

no, my eyes are too dry for them

27. Favorite food to eat?

barbecue... sushi... japanese sweets.... bread

28. Scary movies or comedy?

comedy

29: Last movie you watched?

oh fuck i dont remember either.....

30. What color shirt are you wearing?

gray

31. Summer or winter?

i hate summer with a passion okay and i would probs die in winter but winter

32. Hugs or kisses?

hugs ;w; 

33. What book are you currently reading?

the haunting of hill house

34. Who do you miss right now?

mmm lets not answer this question

35. What’s on your mouse pad?

no mouse pad

36. What’s the last TV show you watched?

jimi ni sugoi

37. What’s the best sound?

soft rain, soft conversation, tinkling of glasses

38. YouTube mashups or ambient noise?

ambient noise

39. What’s the farthest you have ever traveled?

london

40. Do you have a special talent?

i can move my ears ahahha

41. Where were you born?

metro manila

42. People you’d like to participate in this survey?

@magicalgirlmafu (idk if u have answered thsi huhuhu it seems different from the other one) @nekojimaxosamew @shiori-reiko @lunajpg @empathique @chazuketiger (if you’re comfortable with these things?) @looking-for-stray-dogs

no pressure to answer okay!!

[swearronchanel]

Am I making this a thing too often? Oh well, I HAVE THOUGHTS IM SORRY

Series 6 is finally here & the first episode was pretty intense so I’m watching it again & I guess just posting my thoughts that no one actually asked for 

- COLOR! Or COLOUR, either way new intro 

- Ok I actually really like this, time are changing #LetsGetIt1962 

- Shelagh and Angela omg, Tim shaving! Cute Turner Morning but now that I’ve seen this once, this could’ve been a chance to show Shelagh having morning sickness 

 - Sister MJ dancing is the cutest thing

 - welp here comes Sister Ursula ready to ruin everything. If she wants to “gyrate” let her wtf 

- Patsy fixing Delia’s hair is cute but let’s be real Patsy’s needs the fixing - Ugh again Sister U, go away

 - welcome home fam, it’s about to get real

 - I miss my bby Trixie but I’m not going to dwell on it because I know she’ll be back - like the minimal food isn’t even the worst of it, just get ready. *** ALSO, Sister Ursula is lowkey petty with that line “don’t sit down yet please, the mother house will be calling soon” She’s knows what’s about to go down and is enjoying it. 

 - Sister Julienne’s voice cracking, she looks so sad. My heart. Why would she be demoted?! I still don’t get it. 

 - * Awkward clapping *

 - So did Patrick not notice Shelagh was constantly sick and carrying around those rennies? 

 - “Biscuits are for fainters”, which is funny because she tells Mickey later on to go with her and find the biscuit tin. 

 - No Patrick we’re not having a raffle lol 

- “We’re taking a gamble is you ask me” Shelagh’s accent sounds so cute in an serious tone haha 

- Sister MJ’s little angry moment with the duster, I feel. 

- Can we see sister MJ with Angela please? - Why does Mickey need a patch for astigmatism? My brother has it in one eye and always just wore regular glasses. I feel the glasses struggle though, I love my frames but I hate wearing them. Okay off track whoops - 

 - I knew the husband(Lester) wasn’t to be trusted from the get. - - WHERE DID SHE TAKE THE DAMN TV? 

- aw Tom. 

 - That’s all lol. I don’t know why this ring story isn’t that appealing to me? kinda boring 

 - PATSY IN JEANS YES, HERE FOR THE NEW WARDROBES 

 - Also all the cocktails, I love it. Barbara was some “practice” haha. Patsy’s toast was cute  

 - That random guy telling Phyllis “give us all a thrill” and she cringed. That’s me  

- Lol @ Barbara’s Zsa Zsa Gabor reference but she just died so RIP - - I wanna knock Lester tf out 

- This is period drama indeed but sadly, this is not an issue of the past. - 

 - Everyone feels bad for Sister J 

 - “No I can’t prescribe, because I’m only 15!” 😂😂 I’m dead. - I wish he would get more screentime haha. I’m almost hoping he’ll feel weird about the new baby so he can have some kind of interesting storyline 

- Sister W’s face telling Tim “comb your hair”, why does she make the funniest faces - “Cape Town Tummy” lol if that’s what you wanna call it 

 - Thank the climate appropriate bri-nylon for Baby Turner - Can Patrick please make a joke about it? Like Fred can squeeze his wife’s ass, let Patrick at least have a good line 

 - “Is it both ends?” wtf sister W😂 why would you ask?

 - Shelagh’s so polite “the smallest room haha" 

 - IM LAUGHING BUT CRINGING AT SISTER WINIFRED’S FACE I LOVE IT - 

- Lol here’s freco Fred 

 - Why does it even matter if Barbara has a ring to show off Violet, we didn’t see yours lol - 

 - Oh no he’s taking Mickey right 

 - Shit yes he is, WHYY - this kid is so precious omg 

 - Why would he tell is son this 

 - THIS STRESSES ME OUT UGH I KNOW WHATS GONNA HAPPEN

 - Coño this man pisses me off 

 - Mickey 😪 

- Damn it Peter why do you always have bad news - 

 - "Television kills the conversation” no you kill the conversation 

 - PHYLLIS’S REACTION IS GOLD

 - what are Patsy and Delia doing? 

 - YES LESTER YOU’RE A DISGUSTING COWARD, I WISH I COULD PERSONALLY HURT YOU 

 - my heart hurts but I’m also furious 

- lol babs with pottery is symbolism of me handling university

 - Why was this relevant though, that could’ve been another Shelagh scene 

- Yes Trudy with the knife. So strong. I’m here for her 

 - HOW DARE SISTER U QUESTION SISTER MC’S FAITH 

 - YOU DONT EVEN KNOW HER 

- Trudy really walked her way over like that’s incredible, she just was hit so hard. 

 - YES SISTER JULIENNE 

 - I can’t wait till she storms out again bc that was empowering, forget that vow of obedience for a second 

 - I don’t even care the Sister U is nice to Mickey, it’s too late for redemption I know what you say later to Dr Turner and it cancels out  

- MUCAS EXTRACTOR 

 - Shelagh’s best at that  

 - Why was there no scene showing Mickey at the Turners !!? That would’ve been precious 

 - Phyllis 💔 I freaking love her. Especially her with Trudy at the end 

- “You contradicted my authority last night” YES TF SHE DID IM PROUD 

- YES SHE LEFT, NONNATUS IS STILL YOURS SISTER J 

 - SOMEONE GIF THAT JACKET PART  

 - Yes Trudy. She played this so well 

- I wish I cared more about Barbara and Tom

 - They’re cute but idk I just don’t care enough. The ring part at the end is cute because who cares about convention I’m here for that.  

 - Oh no this is the part right 

-  shoot yea it is. Sister Mary Cynthia 😪 

 - PATRICK SHOULDVE PUNCHED HIM 

- sister J not forcing her way in, I’m glad 

- Sister MJ 💔 my freaking heart is shattering 

 - Give Bryony an award for this 

 - Such a heartbreaking, accurate yet beautifully performed depiction of mental illness 

 - THE GROUP HUG, THIS IS WHERE THE TEARS STARTED  

 - AYE COÑO SISTER J AND SHELAGH 

- THIS IS WHERE I LOST IT THE FIRST TIME, RIGHT AFTER “IM SO AFRAID” - I’m going to insert a picture because I’m serious I was sobbing 

 - Shelagh’s skirt is so pretty 

- I’m here for her outfit, lets get it 1962 

- Okay let me press play and cry again  

 - Give Laura an award for everything - HER FACIAL EXPRESSIONS, HER ACTING, SHE’S SO AMAZING 

 - Ah damn I’m crying again 

- Sister J “I never stopped praying” omg💔 

- I’m so glad she told her first. 

- Why is Trudy’s mom a bitch? Wtf care about your daughter and grand kids? 

- SNARKY PHYLLIS

 - what’s this bs. 

- YOU DONT BLAME A VICTIM 

 - I HATE HER MOM 

- PHYLLIS BACK HER UP - 

 - Patrick is so empathetic and understanding because he legit was on the other side 

- “That means you can be healed" 

- YES YOU CAN BE HEALED 💕 

- If Patsy is in the next episode they should’ve just brought her problem with her dad for the next episode? Since this episode does seem jammed packed but it’s all good

 - PHYLLIS AGGRESSIVELY MAKING A COCKTAIL IS ME 

 - except I’m a poor university student so it’s no cocktail 

- Phyllis knows something’s up looking at Pats acting weird w/ Delia 

  - Patrick suggesting Northfield. That’s character growth 

 - GET SISTER U OUT OF HERE 

 - PHYLLIS HANGING UP THE PHONE TO SET PETER STRAIGHT REAL QUICK 

- Patsy and Delia having a cute moment. I think everyone wants a significant other like Delia? Like Patsy always shuts her out when something happens but Delia doesn’t leave

 - Does Patsy’s dad have Lou Gehrig’s disease or what’s it really called - oh ALS? 

- Here come the rest of the feels. Phyllis is amazing, Trudy is amazing. I just love this freaking show. Phyllis never judges and truly helps and I just need her to give me a hug and tell me it’ll be alright - I do like this part. Good for you Babs. Defy convention, it’s 1962. 

 - So much more diversity in the community centre I love it 💕 

- Can we get a Latino/Hispanic family story on here please Heidi

 - ANGELA IS SO CUTE AH 

- THEY’RE DRAWING YES 

- I’m so glad for Trudy 

 - THE PARALLEL 

 - "Patrick you gave me a note once..” *internally screaming* 

- I forgot Shelagh can draw 

 - “PLEASE WILL YOU BE MY DAD” AW MY HEARTTTT 

- but honestly though Patrick should’ve been freaking out with more excitement like it’s a legit miracle 

- MY BBYS ARE HAVING A BABY 

 - Doesn’t matter that was perfect for me, I love parallels it’s so cool 

 - PHYLLIS WAVING BYE AWW And Vanessa Redgrave’s outro And the end. Wow what an episode, ready for next week 

[i-amusemyself]

All 👏 45 👏

I know a few people who might have asked for this and @ all of you: thanks nerd 😋💕

1. Have you ever been in the hospital?I mean…I have 2 chronic illnesses and zero spacial awareness so yeah 😂 plenty of times 😂

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4. Best comeback you’ve told?As if I’d actually say anything outloud!Honestly I don’t remember much so I wouldnt know if I had!

5. Are you sassy?Not really? Sassy just seems like another word for rude half the time, at least when I’ve known people who declare themselves “sassy”.Tbh youd have to ask my friends?

6. Are you good with makeup?I can create realistic war wounds in less than 5 minutes but I can only do good eyeliner on the 3rd sunday of every second month and if theres a full moon.So…it depends on what sort of makeup 😂

7. Whats your gender?I go by nonbinary? But honestly I don’t know bc thinking about it gives me an existential crisis.Tbfh I wish someone could decide for me I’m so done trying to figure it out smh!

8. Whats your sexuality?/Technically/ I’m bisexual but as I’m not attracted to boys (at least I don’t think so) I try to avoid that label. Normally I just use gay/queer.

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12. What was your first fandom?Probably twilight 😶

13. Whats the length of your hair?Idk? Like, short but also getting too long atm lmao

14. First OTP?The first couple I was invested in was probably bella and edward in twilight. Please don’t judge me.

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16. Why did you sign up for tumblr?My friend kept talking about it and I wanted to know what I was missing lol!

17. Whats something you regret?Not standing up for myself more, for sure. Because it’s just left me bitter and angry at people and now I can’t say anything because it’s too late.

18. Favourite vacation memory?BRUGES!!!! The best place honestly!!! It’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever been 👌 and the architecture 👌 it was amazing 👌 I need to go again!!(If you want a specific memory I almost got run over by a nun on a bike 😆)

19. What do you think about when going to sleep?Depends how I’m feeling? If I’m stressed or worried or whatever then whatever is bothering me.If I’m not then I daydream. Make up unrealistic things? You know? We all do it….I think!

20. Whats your phone/computer background?Two are galaxies and my lockscreen is pupcake lmao

21. Whats a natural talent you have?I can make every situation awkward 😎👈Um idk, i have a good memory if I really need to use it! Im not sure tbh!

22. Have you ever gotten in a physical fight?Not that I remember…and I think I would 😂

23. What are words that you remember?I have a couple of lil things that get me through the day. But like, the main one that stops too much from bothering me is my mum always told me to pick my fights. So that’s what I do.

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25. Whats your follower count?On this blog: 858In total: 1342

26. What are your side blogs?I have a spoonie blog and a mental health blog, then one thats basically a kaitlyn alexander fanpage 😂

27. Whats your youtube search history?Top 3 atm:-steal is heavier than feathers-haley kiyoko-stfu pink guy…sounds about right

28. Ever comitted a crime?Nope!! Don’t think so anyway!

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30. Have you ever been toxic?I don’t think so and I’d like to hope not?I’d say when I was younger I maybe wasn’t so good at being a friend or whatever sometimes? But I wouldnt go as far as toxic.

31. An embarrasing moment?👏👏👏 This thing that happened from when I was born until now. 👏👏👏Umm lets see: getting caught yelling I have condoms by half the teaching staff and not being able to talk to my chem teacher for a month; having both legs go dead and falling headfirst out of the school hall; forgetting how to highjump, headbutting the bar and landing in a human knot in front of 1000 people…The list is endless

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33. Do you have any OCs?Okay so I urban dictionaried OC and still dont know which this means so:-no I dont have oxycontin-no I dont watch the OC-yeah I have original content 👀

34. First URL?@hedgehog-of-the-llama-hedge👏 well done 14 y/o me 👏

35. Nighttime routine?Multitask by texting people and watching TV; realise I haven’t been watching the TV and have no idea whats going on; cry; go to bed.

36. Morning routine?Eat; spend a whole hour staring blankly at my wardrobe; put on the same outfit as yesterday; go to school.

37. Have any toys?Assuming this means in /that/ way then no.But sure I have lego 😂

38. Favourite toothpaste flavour?….mint? Is there another?

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40. Worst sleepover experience?I. Hate. Sleepovers.Mostly because I like sleep to be fucking honest.So just everything. Being woken up at 4am by the smell of bbq flavour crisps; being hit by a inflateable amputated leg; being in a room with 5 people farting.The usual.

41. What was your first date like?Ummm? I think we just played video games the whole time and listened to music.It was chill but can’t say it led to much given it was with a dude (but I didn’t realise I was gay then so I just thought maybe I’d like him more with time and all that bs so we did date 😂 whoops)

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44. Can you sing well?I can just about hold a simple tune on a good day but thats it.I mean I once auditioned for a singing role in a school musical and got given the one part with No Singing, so then I didn’t even dare try for like 10 years lmao!But I’m starting to becomee p shameless now so I’ll sing anyway.

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