#angsty!buck

[donationwayne]

Feelin Good (Could be Better) Chapter Three

Hello, I've posted chapter three of ten of my first ever chapter fic!!

You can read the first, second, and third chapter of my fic over on AO3 right here

Summary

The Buckley parents come to town, turning Buck's already shaky mental status from precarious to worse. Despite avoiding a dreaded dinner at all costs, Buck consents to join Maddie, Chimney, and his parents for dinner. Buck is super fine thanks for asking, he'll just bake about it. And think about kissing Eddie, obviously. Secrets are revealed, leaving the 118 reeling.

snippet

He felt safe here, on the complete opposite side of the US. Buck has been spiraling so badly since that dream he worries seeing them will only make things so much worse. He knows it’ll set him back that much further. “I would have taken vacation time to skip town if I’d known sooner.” That does earn him a reaction from both Bobby and Eddie, who simultaneously raise their eyebrows. It would be comical if Buck wasn’t filled with such existential dread. In therapy, Buck avoided talking about his parents like the plague. Dr. Copeland had noticed him dodging the questions each and every session—she never let up in her pursuit of asking after them, but she was also content to wait until he was ready, simply prodding him in the meantime. They had plenty of other work to do first anyway. It could wait in the wings until the moment he had enough strength to address the elephant in the room. He thinks he knows what she’ll say, and Buck knows he’s not ready to hear it.

[evansboyfriend]

idk if buddie shippers know this but buck and eddie don't need to date for buck and eddie and chris to be a family like that's how non-nuclear families work. even if buck is dating tommy and if and when they start a family that doesn't negate the fact that eddie has leaned on buck or that he's an important person in christopher's life. and more importantly that doesn't mean buck isn't allowed to create his own family with tommy.

one thing 911 has got right again and again is showing non-nuclear families. eddie has been a single father with a solid support system including buck, carla, tia pepa and his abuela, since season 2. that's a non nuclear family.

there's also athena and michael divorcing and coparenting may and harry with bobby and david as sort-of stepdads. that's a blended queer family. (and i know that michael and david are no longer part of the show but if you're looking for a childless queer couple...)

hen and karen adopted denny and fostered nia, fostered other kids short-term, fostered mara with the intention to adopt - then when that fuckass ortiz got mara removed from her family, chimney and maddie, biological parents to jee-yun, stepped in and are fostering mara until hen and karen can sort out the matter.

there's literally not a single "mom and dad and two kids and a half kids and a cat and a dog" nuclear family portrayal on the show. it's great.

[voidfanatic]

See no evil (No veas el mal),

Hear no evil (No escuches el mal),

And speak no evil (Y no hables el mal).

Eng: I was thinking, "woah, imagine three drawings of the Grunt kiddos representing the Three Wise Monkeys as a pretty obvious metaphor to their situation in the family", so here it is 🥰

Esp: Estaba pensando, "woah, imagina tres dibujos de los niños Grunt representando a los Tres Monos Sabios como una muy obvia metáfora a su situación en la familia", así que aquí está 🥰

[tevanbuckley]

rewatching the lone star cross over with the knowledge/confirmation that buck's bi is sooooo funny, because look at him

if you saw these still out of context in what world would you assume they're from a scene where buck is consoling tk about his dad being presumed dead? like no wonder tk clocked his ass.

it's even more hilarious that this interaction apparently set off zero alarm bells in buck's head and so it took him a whole three more years to come out. he really just thought he allied too close to the sun.

all i'm saying is buck's lucky tommy was single because otherwise he would've carried on accidentally flirting with hot queer firemen and never putting the pieces together.

[myimaginarywonderland]

I am sorry but I am just imaging that if we keep Tommy and have Bucktommy for a while (as we should), there will inevitably be an episode where Tommy's helicopter goes down right?

Like, we all know that if Tommy stays because the fan support will presumably only grow for him, they are going to traumatize him in the typical 118 fashion?

Now, imagine Buck and Tommy have been dating for something around half a year obviously going strong and maybe Buck is at a stage where he considers the "I love you" even.

And then, there is a call.

The 118 is called to a helicopter crash somewhere and Buck feels anxiety but it's fine because he knows Tommy has his day off so it can't be him, right?

Except suddenly dispatch informs them that it is from Tommy's hanger because of a bigger call. They are already nearly at the scene so there is not turning back.

And Buck's anxiety sky rockets.

Everyone tenses up. Bobby, tentatively asks Maddie (because it has to be Maddie to make it more dramatic) if they know who is in the helicopter, how many.

There is a short silence.

And Buck knows. It hits him like a fucking train. He knows his sister even if it is only a split second, so minimal most wouldn't notice.

Maddie just says that there were a 2 pilots, a paramedic and a civilian.

And Buck has to know, he has to be sure, he needs to confirm, needs to hear it.

He tells Bobby to ask Maddie. Bobby hesitates, clearly not wanting to upset Buck but he is getting frantic, because he knows deep down that something is so wrong.

After a few arguments and silence Buck comes onto the comms and ask "What pilots? Is it Tommy?"

And there is silence.

A silence that speaks louder.

And Buck demands, he has to know if Tommy is okay, still clinging to that tiny bit of hope but then he hears Josh (who has to take over because he tells Maddie she is too close eventhough he feels himself breaking too) "Firefighter Kinard was one of the helicopter pilots."

Another short silence.

"We haven't heard anything since there mayday call."

By now they are at the scene.

And Buck acts before he can even think, before anyone can even attempt to stop him.

He is jumping, running, sprinting towards where he can see the helicopter crashed into a small valley. He is ready to run down, already preparing himself to jump to get down when he feels arms holding him back. It's Bobby.

And Buck is kicking, screaming, not even noticing because he needs to get to Tommy.

Because Tommy has to be okay.

Because Tommy is always there.

Tommy can't be gone.

He just can't.

And then Buck's scream for Tommy shatters the quietness that didn't even realise.

There is nothing, no response, no sound, no movement.

Buck just slumps. He is like a puppet whose strings were cute, all the energy drained from him.

Bobby tightens his hold, directs everyone else on what to do while he himself has to stay up here, holding Buck.

Buck isn't aware of anything.

He just slides to the ground, Bobby gently going with him, not losing his grip.

Bobby feels horrible because he knows. He knows what Buck is feeling and he prays that if nothing else, that at least Tommy somehow survives this because he doesn't know how Buck would survive without Tommy.

Tommy (which none of them saw coming Bobby admits to himself) has calmed Buck in a way he never thought possible.

Tommy has grounded this wonderful man who he is proud to see as a son.

And Bobby can't see Buck losing him because he knows that Buck would lose himself too so he holds onto Buck, praying (for the first time in a long time) that please, do not take this from him. Buck has already lost so much, has already been through so much, experienced death more than any person should and he isn't sure that Tommy's death wouldn't be worse than Buck actually dying himself for the younger man.

So Bobby holds on, tightens his grip on Buck and knows that as soon as he let's go it will only be to let his son reunite with his boyfriend.

Buck is numb.

He can't hear, feel or see anything.

The world, his world has gone still.

His world might never start again if he can't see Tommy's little nose scrunch, hear his loud laugh, feel his strong arms, smell his stupid shampoo (he will forever deny he likes the weird mixture of sweet and bitter that Tommy's hair have after a fresh showe) or feel his giggle against his mouth.

His world is Tommy and he never told him.

How could he have never told him?

Buck only starts breathing, living again, when he bears the crackle of the radio.

"We have a survivor, coming right up, needs an immediate transport to the hospital."

Bobby hopes, hopes to a power he barely believes in that someone up there heard him and granted a wish. It doesn't even need to be for him, just spare Buck this. He breathes and ask "Do we have an ID?"

"Firefighter Kinard. Tommy is alive.

[theladyyavilee]

for @diazactually, because I love youuu 💕 part i | part ii

‘I watch him in the kitchen. I think of how much it hurts to love somebody. How deep the hurt is, how almost unbearable. It’s not the love that hurts; it’s the possibility of anything happening to the object of your love.’       Augusten Burroughs || Magical Thinking

[image description in alt text]

[sasanka-27]

“You have to be more careful Eddie.” Click for Part2

[ranger-elizabeth]

“I’ll never give you up.” Soft sentence prompt

Thank you so much for the request! I really enjoyed writing this one. This is (sort of) established relationship Clegan + that scene up on the control tower. Hope you like it!

Prompt: "I'll never give you up."

Word count: 1481

The end of the war celebration roars with an explosive fervor, seeming as though there’s been a mutual agreement among the men to throw all restraint to the wind tonight. Whiskey flows freely, glasses clink in cheers after cheers, the men shout, dance, and clap each other on the back enthusiastically, reveling in the fact that they’re still alive and will soon be going home. Amidst it all, the jazz band unleashes a crescendo of sound that seems to be several times louder and more energetic than usual.

Admittedly, Gale feels a little overwhelmed by it all, but he knows it’s good for the men to see him here celebrating after everything they’ve endured. He lost sight of John in the crowd some time ago, though that’s not unusual. He’s sure John’s at the epicenter of the chaos somewhere. Amusedly, Gale thinks that if he really wants to find him, requesting “Blue Skies” from the band would surely draw him out—likely in front of the microphone, belting out the tune in that slightly off-key but endearing way that Gale secretly adores. 

Just then, almost as if reading Gale’s thoughts, John appears at his side. “Hey, want to get out of here?”

Gale is surprised. He’s never known John to turn down a party. Then again, he figures they’ve all changed in some ways throughout the war. Gale’s certainly not going to argue. This scene has never been his favorite, and he’d much prefer a quiet evening alone with John than navigating the packed, boisterous club. 

They slip outside into the cool night air, and John leads them up to the deserted control tower. From there, they can see the flares that the ground crew are sending up in celebration. They look and sound a little too much like the bursts of a fort going up in flames or the sound of a gun firing for Gale’s liking, but he won't be the one to dampen their evening by saying so. 

They sit in comfortable silence, interrupted only by John taking occasional swigs from his flask, which he eventually offers to Gale. Their fingers brush as Gale accepts it. John looks at him in surprise, no doubt thinking of all the times he’s offered Gale a drink in the past only to be turned down. 

“Well, I promised you a drink, didn’t I?” Gale takes a sip, trying not to grimace at the bitter taste.

Passing the flask back, their eyes meet and they fall silent once more. Gale knows they’re both remembering the same moment.

It’s one of those days where there’s not much to do, so the men get restless. Although, one could argue, that’s most days at Stalag Luft III. They’re all deteriorating, physically and mentally, as the days get darker and colder, but John most of all. He stares at the fence more often, walks close to it. Not close enough for the guards to actually do anything, but still closer than what is wise. He lashes out too, at Gale and the other men. The only time it feels like John’s really there is when they curl up together in Gale’s bunk each night to stave off the cold. There, they have whispered exchanges and press silent kisses to each other's lips, and it feels like the Gale and John he remembers from before they landed in this godforsaken place. 

Gale misses John during the day, even when he’s right next to him. Gale resents him too, sometimes, despite the fact that he also loves him with the entirety of his being. He can’t help but feel like all the responsibility the two of them used to carry together has been dumped on his shoulders, and he’s sinking under the weight of it. Can’t help but feel like since John has allowed himself to break down, Gale has to hold it together for the both of them, even though he too feels like he’s coming apart at the seams.

Now, they sit together on the front steps of their quarters. While it’s cold outside, it’s not much warmer in the bunks and they can only stand being cooped up indoors for so long before getting cabin fever. John rubs his hands together, trying to coax some warmth back into his fingers.

“What I wouldn’t give for a strong shot of whiskey right about now. That’d warm us all up right quick,” John says, with a hint of humor in his voice. But when Gale looks over at him, he’s still staring straight ahead. Staring at that damned fence. “Hell, maybe it’d even get you to finally have a drink with me.”

Gale sighs. John’s said barely two words to him all morning and this is what he chooses to break his silence about? Still, it gives Gale an idea. 

“Tell you what, Bucky. When we get out of this on the other side, I will,” Gale promises.

“You serious?” John asks, turning to raise a skeptical eyebrow at him. Yes, look at me, look at me. Don’t look at that fence, Gale wants to beg.

“If it gives you something to look forward to, then sure,” Gale says instead. At that point, Gale probably would have agreed to get roaring, black out drunk with John when they got out, if it would keep him from getting himself killed doing something reckless in the meantime.

“Alright, then,” John chuckles, turning his gaze back away from Gale. “I’ll hold you to that.”

“We’re gonna make it out of here John. I need you to believe that,” Gale says, more seriously now.

John just hums, noncommittal. “Sure, Buck.”

It’s a sickening deja vu to their conversation in Algeria, and Gale can tell John’s not entirely convinced. It’s fair enough—he hadn’t been either, when John had said almost those exact words to him what feels like a lifetime ago. For now, Gale doesn’t know what more he can say to convince him, so he stays quiet. Knowing they’re under watchful eyes but needing to remind himself that John is still there, he places a gentle hand on John’s shoulder, stroking it down to the small of his back before letting it drop.

“So, what now?” John asks quietly, jolting him out of his thoughts. Right, they’re up on the control tower. They made it out. 

“What do you mean?” Gale returns, unsure of what John’s getting at. 

“I mean, we’re going home. What are you gonna do next?”

Gale’s momentarily taken aback by the question. It’s one he’s pondered often as the war drew to a close, but he’s never settled on a clear answer. He’s thought about going back to school or maybe becoming a flight instructor, but the only constant in all his plans has been John. In every life he imagines for himself, John is right there next to him. But now, John is asking him what he’s going to do next as if he’s not going to be involved, and it sets Gale’s heart racing.

“I’m not sure,” Gale admits. “But whatever it is, I’d like to do it with you.” 

It’s a leap of faith. For all the savored private moments they’ve shared during the war, discussion of their future was never one of them. Perhaps initially there had been some unspoken agreement that this only existed within the confines of the war. Or perhaps the future felt too out of reach, considering the long and winding road it had taken for them both to end up back here now. 

Gale’s words hang in the air, before John surges forward, their lips meeting in a messy, heartfelt kiss. Hands come up to cup Gale’s face, and Gale sighs into it. It’s all he’s wanted all evening. A weight feels like it’s been lifted from his shoulders at John’s enthusiastic response to his declaration.

As they part, John’s hands still cradle Gale’s face, his touch soft. “You sure you don’t want to give this up, have a normal life? You could, with Marge.”

Gale’s heart clenches at the suggestion of a life without John. “Do you?”

“Don’t think I ever could,” John says honestly. The fireworks from the ground crew bathe John’s face in swathes of warm orange light, and Gale likens it to the slow burn of happiness now spreading in his chest.

Gale knows it won’t be easy—they’ll never have everything that others can. There will be no public dates, no wedding bands, no meeting the family. What they have can only exist behind closed doors. But in Gale’s opinion, that’s more than enough.

“Neither could I,” Gale declares firmly. “I’ll never give you up.” 

“You sure the whiskey ain’t clouding your judgment?” John teases, eyes sparking with mirth.

Gale rolls his eyes playfully. “Oh, please,” he retorts, tugging at John’s collar to close the distance between them, melding their lips together once more.

[mimilllion]

this will be a spinning success…?

[watchyourbuck]

hey~ no10 from the prompt list, if you feel like it~ 💛

Eddie knew Buck like the back of his hand.

No, that was an understatement. He knew him like his own heartbeat.

Every single look, or stance, or smile. Every single thought. Buck could bend over backwards trying to hide something from him, but he could only ever do it unsuccessfully. Eddie knew Buck. The real Buck.

So, truly, it shouldn’t have been such a shock.

“Who is he?”

Buck seemed taken aback, momentarily stunned by three simple words. “E-excuse me?”

“The guy,” Eddie continued, his body on automatic and his thoughts far. “The one leaving hickeys on your neck. Who is he?”

The indifference of it all made the firehouse cold, sending a chill up and down Buck’s spine. His eyes turned to Eddie, who kept stacking supplies.

It’s not that he didn’t have an answer. A name, more accurately. But still, how did he know?

Silence invaded their space, like a drama scene from a movie where the backgrounds blurs. It was uncomfortable, a hollow little piece of dialogue he wasn’t aware he was assigned.

It must’ve been too long. Eddie’s arms went down, the pile of bandages forgotten, just mere inches away from his face. “Who is he, Buck?”

“No one,” he replied, much more centered this time.

The change in tone made Eddie purse his lips, suddenly aware of the fact that he was being pushed off. Buck didn’t wanna tell him.

He nodded, a minor scoff creeping up his throat. His mouth bent downwards. “No one you wanna tell me about.”

The implication was broad, and pointy. Buck was dating, or he wasn’t. He was in love, or he wasn’t. The only safe haven was that he was fucking. Eddie would put his hands to the fire on that one.

Ironic, innit?

“Could be a she,” Buck said, avoiding his stare.

“No, it couldn’t.”

“How do you know?”

Because I’d mark you like that, too.

Eddie sighed, running his hands through his hair. The rest of the firehouse was running smoothly, completely oblivious to them, or their words. How could anyone not notice Eddie’s heart bleeding into its own?

“Forget it,” he mumbled, short of biting his tongue. There was a moment in time where the beggar had to stop begging; where the needy had to stop needing. It was time. Time to let him go.

Buck’s reached for Eddie’s shoulder, stopping him in place. He added no pressure, so if the man wanted to bail, he could. “You don’t get to do that, Eddie.”

This time, the scoff did come out. Angry and bitter, and all the bad feelings you’re supposed to swallow. “Do what, exactly?”

“Run away.”

“What?”

“He’s no one,” he said rashly, running his tongue over his front teeth. “He can be no one.”

It was tough to follow. Buck’s eyes gave away his feelings, but not the meaning of his words. Eddie frowned, taking a step closer. Buck’s hand fell to the side, brushing along the skin on Eddie’s wrist. “What do you mean?”

Buck blinked, his breathing heavy. It was now or never. He grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him.

Sharp. Fast. Telling.

“If you want me, he can be no one.”

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Please take this as my Fuck It Friday!

tagged by @daffi-990 @giddyupbuck @wikiangela @loserdiaz @lover-of-mine @fortheloveofbuddie @callmenewbie @eddiebabygirldiaz & @eowon thank you so much! College’s beating my ass rn but it’ll get to your works shortly!✨💗

tagging in return @hippolotamus @thewolvesof1998 @theotherbuckley @malewifediaz @housewifebuck @bucksbirthmark @your-catfish-friend @butraura @cowboy-eddie @buckleyobsessed @disasterbuckdiaz @honestlydarkprincess @honestlyeddie @evanbegins @jamespearce9-1-1 @smilingbuckley & @wildlife4life 💗

[donationwayne]

Feelin Good (Could be Better) Chapter Two

Hello, I have posted the first chapter of my first ever chapter fic which I am super stoked about!!! This is is already completed so I will be posting chapters completely randomly because I am a chaos demon. (fic is about 24.5k total!)

You can read the first and second chapter of my fic over on AO3 right here

Summary

The Buckley parents come to town, turning Buck's already shaky mental status from precarious to worse. Despite avoiding a dreaded dinner at all costs, Buck consents to join Maddie, Chimney, and his parents for dinner. Buck is super fine thanks for asking, he'll just bake about it. And think about kissing Eddie, obviously. Secrets are revealed, leaving the 118 reeling.

snippet

Buck is the first one out of the truck when they park. His body seems to be moving on pure muscle memory alone. He anxiously awaits his orders while Chimney and Hen race over to assess the situation. Bobby calls for tools after a quick survey of the incident, and Buck quickly responds. He shoulders the necessary items and bags before racing to join the paramedics and his captain. He nearly stumbles on his own feet when a strong sense of déjà vu blindsides him. Reality sinks in the closer they get to the site of the incident. The 118 was selected to respond to a call at a skatepark, and although he’s never attended one before, he’d had his fair share of firefighters and paramedics come to his aid at the local skatepark back home. Flashbacks from the night before momentarily flood him, and he’s about to properly start spiraling, but before he can, a rough hand on his shoulder snaps him out of it. Buck realizes that Eddie had nearly completely run him over in their rush to the patient due to his abrupt halt. Bobby’s voice travels over the comms again, spurring Buck into motion, but he feels a bit like his limbs are part of a marionette. He carefully scales down into the partial bowl of a section of ramps while other young adults and teenagers watch on anxiously from above. Nearest to the scene of the accident is an angry mom screaming at her kid, who has gotten his ankle trapped in some railing on a downward slope, feeding into the bowl. The skate board is lying upside down a few feet away, and Buck’s stomach swoops. “Where do you need me?” Buck asks Bobby, but his voice sounds so far away that he’s half surprised that Bobby answers or even hears him. His captain doesn’t even seem to notice anything is off, which is preferable to having to explain his sudden panic.

[makorragal-312]

Everything is gonna be all fun and games at the wedding until the reception, where Buck and Eddie are talking at the bar and Tommy pulls Buck away for a dance. And as they're on the dance floor, Eddie is looking at Buck and how happy he is with Tommy before deciding to turn away to ask for a drink and possibly chat with another guest.

And all the while he's looking elsewhere, Buck is looking at him from over Tommy's shoulder, longing and not even realizing.

[diazheartsbuckley]

Hello! Epicbuddieficrecs here :) ⚡️⚡️⚡️🏫🏫🏫

Hey you! 💗

⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️

“I’m sorry for just uhm-…” Buck clears his throat as he picks at the hem of his shirt, unable to make eye contact with Eddie.

He feels bad. Feels bad that he just left Eddie hanging after he poured his heart out to him. Feels bad that he hasn’t replied to any of his calls or texts since last night. It leaves him with a sinking feeling in his chest as he glances up at Eddie, seeing the soft creases in his forehead deepening. He has seen that look before and knows exactly what it means. Eddie isn’t angry, isn’t upset but rather confused and hurt and Buck can’t really blame him.

“Running off?” Eddie says, his words laced with a hint of sarcasm and a bit of hurt. Scratch that, a lot of hurt. He didn’t know what he was expecting when he laid all his cards on the table with Buck last night but it definitely wasn’t being ignored.

🏫🏫🏫🏫

“You wanna talk about it?” Shannon asks carefully, slowly moving away from Eddie and leans back against the counter, palms pressed against the cold marble.

“It’s nothing, it’s fine” Eddie says as he slides past her, grabbing a glass from the cabinet next to her head. Sometimes he forgets how in sync they have been because Shannon ducks her head almost instinctively and then tilts it back upright, curious eyes not leaving him alone.

“Eddie, come on. We talked to Doctor Callahan about this” Shannon says and Eddie grits his teeth a little as he fills the glass with water, almost letting it overflow as he disappears into his own head. He doesn’t like Doctor Callahan, not because she’s a bad therapist but because she’s making him feel things that he doesn’t want to feel and think things that he doesn’t want to think about and because she’s squeezing every hard earned dollar out of him. As if getting separated hadn’t been costly enough. Both emotionally and financially. And Eddie hates that the latter is what comes first in his mind. Not when it comes to Chris but when it comes to him and Shannon, sure he loves her but he doesn’t love her the way that she deserves to be loved.

Make me write ✍🏻

Using this as my tease tidbit Tuesday

Tagged by @dangerpronebuddie @bidisasterevankinard and @jesuisici33 💋

No pressure tagging 💗(let me know if you want to be added or removed)

@tizniz, @watchyourbuck, @pirrusstuff, @wikiangela, @daffi-990, @honestlydarkprincess, @spotsandsocks, @kitteneddiediaz, @exhuastedpigeon, @hippolotamus, @giddyupbuck, @theotherbuckley, @wildlife4life, @thewolvesof1998, @weewootruck, @devirnis, @ronordmann, @spaceprincessem, @princessfbi, @loveyouanyway, @actualalligator, @jeeyuns, @housewifebuck, @cal-daisies-and-briars, @inell, @bucksbignaturals, @bucks-daddy-issues, @underwaterninja13, @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming, @monsterrae1, @elvensorceress

[majorbuckyegan]

"Yeah, well, that's easy for you to say, isn't it?" He snapped, "We all know what you're rushing home to, since you never shut the hell up about it. Marge, this. Marge, that. Give me a fucking break." (x)

(Credit to some of the episode 7 screencaps: @itstheheebiejeebies 🫶)

[ihearteugeneroe]

im having so many feelings about john and gale in the new episode and i NEED to share them. buckle up guys this is a long one because this last episode was angsty for these two and i love psychoanalysis

HUGEEE MOTA SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!

first and foremost, john is absolutely not okay. like i know we have seen this so many times already because he’s been on a mental decline since episode six but it’s gotten worse. the beginning scenes where him and gale fetch the water and gale tries to create some playful banter only to receive a mostly silent john is scary, especially because he knows that man is a chatterbox that can’t shut up to save his life. something has changed and gale knows, but gale doesn’t push it.

second of all, the topic of marge. nobody would ever make fun of a guy getting a letter from his girl because that’s the only source of joy they get inside the hell of a pow camp. but the way john seems almost annoyed by it, as if it is personally inconveniencing him is so noticeable. now one could argue it’s just because he doesn’t have a girl back home, but i don’t think he cares even a little bit about that. john has realized that his home is wherever gale is. which brings me to my third topic.

the scene where gale tells john he asked marg to marry him. the fact that he doesn’t even say those exact words, but rather “popped the question and she said yes”. god, the tension in that scene was goddamn near unbearable. john is entirely stoic which is concerning knowing that he is a man of emotion who feels things on an entirely different level than most men. something is turning within his brain and his way of congratulating gale was so robotic and almost calculated. i feel like a part of him kind of froze in that moment. i mean, he likely knew they would never get anywhere serious because hell this is the 1940s in the middle of a war but still. his buck is no longer his. and who does he have besides buck?

which brings me to one of my final points: john is realizing he doesn’t have anybody. that scene between them where he mentioned he never got letters because he didn’t set it up right, and was so concerned gale would only know this version of him and not his old self. i don’t think anything gale could’ve said would help, but it was nice that he tried at least… john’s whole world is gale, but gale has his world back in america. he has a home. he has something to return to and someone to love when he’s out of this mess. all john is going to return home to is his own loneliness and severe ptsd. john is a feeler and he feels things deeply and painfully, like a knife in the belly, especially when it comes to gale. the man he’s in love with has a woman to return to, and he might as well just be a legend that gale tells his kids about someday. but to john, gale is everything. he will never forget.

anyways this episode for them was VERY angsty and it’s late and i’m tired so this is kind of all over the place but i wanted to share my main thoughts. thank you for reading if you got this far i’ll probably continue my rant tomorrow depending on if this actually gets any traction LMAO i still don’t know how tumblr works.

[eddiebabygirldiaz]

several sentences sunday

tagged by @jesuisici33 @daffi-990 @tizniz @spotsandsocks @wikiangela @shitouttabuck

thank you beloveds! <3

so i finished drunk confession fic this morn and am so excited to share it with yall! hoping to have edits done soon so it can be posted. and as always, this is for my darlin nina, ily <3

Something sacrosanct passes from tongue to tongue, handed back and forth in such languid, luxurious movement.

Buck sighs into it, a feeling he can only describe as lovely unfurling in his chest and spreading spreading spreading until he feels like the mutli-faceted colors of a sunrise, all pastel and glowing and warm.

That sigh quickly transforms into a whimper when Eddie sucks on his tongue, delving inside of Buck like it's where he belongs, the fingers he still has in Buck’s hair burying themselves deeper until his grip is firm and commanding and stabilizing.

Buck happily lets himself be directed, eager to become pliant enough that Eddie can do anything with him, illustrious stars raining over his skin and digging into his blood as Eddie tugs and pulls and shoves, turning Buck’s head at just the right angle for the kiss to become something much more sensual, a true mouth fucking that leaves Buck dizzy and panting, head spinning and chest tight.

tagging @elvensorceress @spaceprincessem @diazass @chronicowboy @devirnis @rewritetheending @bvckandeddie @disasterbuckdiaz @thewolvesof1998 @malewifediaz @spagheddiediaz @transboybuckley @gayedmundodiaz @try-set-me-on-fire @lemonzestywrites @hoodie-buck @lover-of-mine @housewifebuck @butchdiaz @bucks118 @honestlydarkprincess @bigfootsmom @heartshapedvows @captain-hen @eowon @puppyboybuckley @exhuastedpigeon @bekkachaos @jeeyuns and anyone else who wants to do it!