#anti lines and transcript

[swan2swan]

"Shuu taemlii hena?"

[barblaz-arts]

Stephanie Beatriz recently attended a con and gave her insight on Vaggie. If you’ve seen the clip, do you agree with her insight?

I definitely do and it frustrates me that Beatriz had to literally spell things out about Vaggie and her struggles for people who are insisting that she’s “one dimensional” and has no arc going for her.

I have seen it already, yes 🥰

For those who haven't seen the clip yet, this person has helpfully posted it here

And of course I agree! These are things I've written essays about on both my tumblr accounts. I've tried to get it thru the thick heads of some people on twitter. I've used it as foundation for my characterization for her in my fics and fanarts. It's so tragic that we're celebrating a VA stating the obvious just because the fandom is too set on hating Vaggie to see the potential of her character, but it is how it is.

What I am really really surprised by, is how detailed and deep Stephanie's explanation was! Like whoa. Now see, as much as I absolutely adore this show, I'm not blind to its flaws and the creator's biases. Idk if this is unexpected of me to admit, but I didn't have high expectations that Vaggie's issues with her codependency would be explored 👀💦

Now, don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean to say I didn't expect her to be explored at all. But the thing is, I'm well aware that although the first season so far definitely didn't ignore the ladies as much as the fandom and antis would like to think, I honestly had little hope of this momentum staying that way in future seasons because of the Vees, Alastor's subplot, Angel, Lucifer, and Charlie's own arc as, of course, the main character.

There's a lot of things that are about to happen, and interesting enough, we already have an idea because of the previous lore already released in the internet before the show got greenlit. The fans wanna see it, and I damn well know Viv is excited to explore it too. There's this expectation, you know, from the previously established lore. The subplot that will involve these men will very likely take up a huge chunk of the following seasons, and that doesn't even include the overarching conflict with Heaven and redemption.

So with all that being said, I didn't see a lot of hope in Vaggie being explored in depth because there just isn't enough time to squeeze her in a series with 8 twenty minute long episodes each season that for some reason has a requirement of 2 songs per episode. I've made my peace with that. The bare minimum I wanted was Vaggie's rivalry with Lute to go in line with her issues with her self-worth. For her to see how far gone Lute has become and to realize how well she's doing in comparison. To finally accept that she's doing good and has been making progress in her own, self-imposed redemption where all she asks for is the right to love and be loved in return, no return ticket to Heaven needed.

But wow! Stephanie saying that they're playing the long game when it comes to the unhealthy elements of their relationship, not just Vaggie's flaw as an individual, is great! Of course we still have to wait for how it's executed, but the fact that Stephanie got into such detail about this leads me to believe that the things she has already recorded for during production will definitely lead up to the development we want for their relationship.

I really honestly would've been fine even if Vaggie stayed codependent. I've loved previous characters all the same even if they couldn't manage to break away from being the lost puppy dog that thought the world of the person they loved, as long as the person they love also loves them back just as intensely. Like. Idk. Gwanshik from When Life Gives You Tangerines. I just think there's charm to be appreciated in romance that's devoted up to a tragic degree. And don't lie I damn well know there are lotsa other people into that because that shit's EVERYWHERE in fan content, and widely loved in straight romances in media. Men get to be called "boyfriend goals" when they're on their knees like Gomez Addams for the woman they love, letting her shine while they take the backseat. Why can't a little gay angel do the same without being degraded?

Also! Also! I'm thinking a whole lot about Stephanie saying we don't get to know Vaggie all that much too because that is true even if you take into account the pre-show lore because of the Exorcist plot twist. Vaggie's pre-show lore used to be similar to Angel's, but now we're not even sure if she used to be human! This changes everything, and again I didn't have high expectations of her being explored too deeply, but now I really hope this means we'll get to know her finalized backstory.

And I look forward to this likely meaning getting to see Vaggie forge deep friendships outside of Charlie, most likely with Carmilla. I'm really hoping Vaggie making friends would also get us to explore Charlie's shortcomings as a partner too. She lowkey takes her girlfriend for granted, and I really hope for her to have an interesting reaction to possibly needing to share her girlfriend with others, especially as someone who has very few friends and possibly some abandonment issues.

[tinfoil-jones]

Jerk Ford AU: They Hate Each Other

Gift for @mistertiberius / @nowimjustastranger:

[Art by @dimonds456]

Come on guys they're clearly not friends. They have begrudging professional respect (disrespect in Jerk Fords case because he's never respected anything in his entire life) at best, and hate each others guts at worse but don't have legitimate excuses to kill (Watchdog Ford), or emotionally destroy (Jerk Ford) the other one.

It's not like they have a borderline parasitic bromance that they deny brazenly in the face of all evidence.

Transcript and dedications below:

[1st Panel]

Watchdog and Jerk: We're not friends. *as they're seated next to each in O'Sadlys while surrounded by empty seating*

[2nd Panel]

Watchdog and Jerk: We're not friends. *waiting in line at the Annual Friendship Convention*

[3rd Panel]

Watchdog and Jerk: We're not friends. *while sitting directly next to each other on the couch with an empty spot on their other side*

[4th Panel]

Lee, Anti Ford, and The Archivist: *stressed out and chain smoking because they're sick of those twos shit*

[Watchdog Ford and Lee-77/H by @nowimjustastranger.

The Archivist by @tearosepedall.

Anti Ford's design based off of the design by @zombiedeers

My first ask about the StCMO AU: Here

Tibby's first ask about the Jerk Ford AU: Here]

[shadowxamyweek]

Where Does the Headcanon That Silver Is Shadow and Amy’s Kid Come From?

Much like Shadow calling Amy, 'Rose,' Silver being Shadow and Amy's kid is everywhere. If nothing else, he's often relegated to a distant descendant. When did we all agree though that this was just kinda a thing? To answer that, we're going to have to back up to Dragon Ball.

Sega has never hidden its love of Dragon Ball. Much of what is now Sonic Canon just started out as Sega artists and game designers delighting in some of the cool stuff Dragon Ball does, including but not limited to how the 7 chaos emeralds parallel the 7 dragon balls, and how Sonic's super form mirrors Goku's. This is important to keep in mind because there's another set of parallels that are being drawn when the, 'Silver is Shadow and Amy's kid,' headcanon comes into play. In Dragon Ball, there's an villain turned anti-hero/secondary protagonist called Vegeta and a very bubbly, very domineering woman named Bulma. The two get together and have a kid, named Trunks. Trunks ends up time traveling, specifically going back in time to prevent certain tragedies from happening. Aaaaand then once again, in Sonic, we have Shadow, being a villain turned anti-hero/secondary protagonist, and Amy, being a bubbly and domineering girl. We've also got Silver, who ends up time traveling, specifically going back in time to prevent certain tragedies from happening. *gestures loosely* People on Sega's payroll have noticed the parallels and commented on them as well. In 2008, on his Bumble King website, Ian Flynn answered some fan questions about the subject:

Later, in 2023, Flynn and his cohost Crouse over on the @bumblekast answered a question about this again:

(It's at 1:26:13, just in case I messed up the link) ---- TRANSCRIPT Crouse: Right, here's another question. This one is from ChaosSonic1. "This might kill this headcanon for others, but it always bugs me: people constantly consider Shadow and Amy as Silver's parents but that would be impossible due to two things. One, Shadow was in prison for 200 years. Thoughts?" ...That's only one thing but okay. [Laughter] Flynn: It is something that's come up because there were a lot of weird parallels, number one that silver was, you know, decidedly based on Trunks and I think it's quite obvious that Shadow is the kind of Vegeta of this group. It makes Amy default to the Bulma, which isn't really solid. I mean, if anything, Tails is the Bulma of the group, but you know there are no solid one to ones throughout the whole thing. You started trying to get too specific with it and falls apart. There was other stuff like-... something in Sonic and the Black Knight-... Amy was Nimune and Shadow was Lancelot and Silver was-... Galahad... Point being, within Autherial 1:27:40 within Arthurian, lore Silver's character was the child of Shadow and Amy's characters, which kind of made everyone go, 'beg pardon?' (Brief pause, this is slightly incorrect. Nimune is both the singular and plural name for water nymphs, one, or all of which, raised Lancelot. Galahad is *only* Lance's child. Again, like Dragon Ball, not a one to one, but enough to cock an eyebrow.) Flynn: There's also like the kind of vague mysticism around Amy and the fact that Silver can do Chaos Control so it's like, did he inherit Shadow's Chaos Control and his psychic powers from Amy? And it's all like extremely loose vague breadcrumbs that don't really so much make a line as they just are kind of scattered in the water for the ducks to eat so no, it doesn't really make any sense because like you said, in that timeline, Shadow was sealed away for like the duration and it's still 200 years. I don't think Amy was, you know, secretly carrying Shadow's love baby that long. That doesn't add up...- I mean, who knows. I mean, if that is your headcanon, if that's your ship, if that's how you want to connect the dots, go nuts. I'm not going to shoot it down.

Crouse: But there's also the whole thing, like time travel is a thing.

Flynn: Yeah.

Crouse: A lot of other things are things that could happen, like- [Laugh].

Flynn: And Amy's associated with Little Planet a lot, I get it, you can- you could put the pieces together that way if you wanted. I just don't think that's what Sega's doing with it.

Crouse: Well, no, but you know, who cares what Sega's doing except you I guess. You have to. Flynn: I do. It's part of my job.

Crouse: You have to care, but the rest of us now, we don't have to. Screw whatever Sega's doing, we can do whatever we want. My headcanon.

---- (This evidence I have to thank @shadamyheadcanons for. I remembered reading this ages ago, but couldn't remember *where*. She also provided the Bumblekast interview. ) I'm also going to point out, as many have before, that Sonic plays loose and fast with what Chaos Energy/Magic/Science/Whatever can and cannot do, including but not limited to time stuff as evidence in Sonic 06, where Silver debuted. I've also talked before that just because we see a future based off of the current events and trajectory of those events in 06, that does not mean that said-future is set in stone, and may very well change if the characters themselves make different decisions.

And that's *only* arguments for the headcanon that Silver is, in fact, their child. That doesn't include just how much more liberty there is in the headcanon that Silver is some distant relative, who's bloodline is intrinsically tied to Shadow and Amy. So yeah! That's where the headcanon comes from! It's moments like these that I can appreciate the lack of details in Sonic. That's not a thing I say very often, but in situations like these, it really allows for an open imagination of the different parts and pieces, and how they all fit together. Sonic is fun like that, and I love it for this reason <3

[sgiandubh]

Black Jack is in da house

I had promised you this short, but interesting answer from Tobias' Saturday morning panel, at the Landcon and it was impossible to post it from my phone (& took forever to transfer to my laptop, go figure):

The fan's question was about the relationship between the OL cast ('the whole cast', it was underlined - an Anti, for sure, they always dilute the real focus and then spin off the story at their convenience) while shooting Season 1 in Scotland. I think Rostercon's AI-generated lazy summing up that was taken for the Bible by some people (who were not in that room, but always have the nerve to lecture others) does not reflect at all what Tobias Menzies really said.

Here is the AI-generated summing-up of the above answer, in its original French version:

[Source: Outlander : revivez la première journée de la Land Con 7 - Roster Con]

My translation: 'Tobias has excellent memories of shooting Outlander; it was a real collaborative effort. He adds that they all learned from each other.'

Here is my transcript of the clip:

'Well, I mean, I'd like to think that I taught them all that they know. No, I mean it was an interesting job in that we all started it together, um, we didn't really know what the show was, we were off in the wilds of Scotland, no one really cared, we were making it... [sorry, I could not get that bit at all, perhaps a native speaker could and thank you] I mean, nobody knew that book and it was a sort of element to it, that it wasn't a big deal, it wasn't a big show. And so, there was a kind of freedom in that. Yeah, and I think we... we needed each other to work out how to tell the story in an exciting and interesting way, how to adapt the books, what.. yeah... how to...what the performance style almost was, to discover the show. And that was also with the show runners and the directors and all of the actors, we were kind of holding it together, working out what this show is and how we bring these books to life. And yeah, so we'd be all learning a lot from each other in that way. It was very collaborative, it was a great, very happy couple of years. [clapping, yelling, etc.]'

You'll agree with me that the sanitized version could never compare with the above verbatim, which is chock a block full with carefully calibrated, but very telling, nuances.

And now, for my own, eyewitness thoughts, you are totally free to agree or disagree with:

Tobias Menzies was never my OL favorite, which is perhaps testimony to his spectacular portrayal of the Black Jack/Frank Randall dynamic duo of sorts. Instead, I absolutely loved (loved, loved, loved....) his Prince Philip, in The Crown: spot on, subtle and boy, bringing to life a beloved (if somewhat controversial) Royal was everything but a piece of cake. He is also a very intelligent, well-read man, one could never accuse of speaking in tongues or in his sleep, while engaging with the press or the fandom. As such, once you peel off the layers of compulsory Narrative bullshit and the first line of pure British, self-deprecating banter, things become interesting.

Of course, he just had to pay lip service to the long negotiated talking points. Namely, that shooting Season 1 in the Scottish Highlands was doubled by a double sense of remoteness and uncertainty about the show's success. That said, he adds to it two interesting elements: that nobody knew anything about Gabaldon's body of work and that 'no one really cared', without further specifying. And I think this is true.

Speaking of which, 'Erself's American worshippers might perhaps want to take off their rose-tinted glasses and realize two things. First of all, their goddess was (and perhaps still is) a literary C-lister on the European fantasy book market, where people like Marion Zimmer Bradley, Robin Hobb, George R.R. Martin or Guy Gavriel Kay - ironically, all of them from North America - are real powerhouses, who have been enjoying a cult following for ages, even before or without a TV adaptation. But Gabaldon was nowhere important to be found, before the series started to be included on our own cable networks' offer. It is still considered as niche, even as the series has never left our Netflix offer. Second thing, in this particular context, I am pretty confident that 'nobody cared' relates both to the cast and crew's relaxed attitude on set, but also to the people's general live and let live attitude, which, I am told, still endures to this day. The stalking, the barking, the shouting and the swooning have started in the USA and crossed the pond in earnest only when the American Stans began to hit the road and make the pilgrimage to GLA.

Confirmation that it is so is another reference by the same Tobias Menzies, in the same answer: 'there was a kind of freedom in that'. Freedom: what a peculiar term, isn't it? Freedom of adaptation? That was not the impression Season 1 gave me, after reading the book. Freedom of being themselves and acting accordingly? That's more down my alley. It might even suggest that, after Season 1 wrapped (September 24, 2014), this blessed, innocent age gradually came to an end, as the show gained more and more traction, momentum and press attention.

I also deeply appreciated his honesty, when talking emphatically about starting 'it together' or needing each other and learning a lot from each other. There was no Tobias & C vs. The Peasant and the Rest of the World on that set, as some retconning theories would like you to believe. These people were actors embarking on a project which, for some, was about to become life-changing. I doubt scheming and power games and competition were on their already overflowing plates. Alas. Those tone-deaf allegations are not going anywhere, any time soon, I am afraid.

But here's more: 'it was a great, very happy couple of years'. The question specifically covered Season 1 only, not Tobias' entire Outlander shooting experience, which he chose to address, anyways. But mentioning a 'very happy couple of years' is strange, because his presence on set and involvement with the OL project was longer than that. Let's do the math:

Season 1 started filming on October 7, 2013 and wrapped on September 24, 2014.

Season 2 started filming on May 7, 2015 and wrapped on February 27, 2016.

Season 3 started filming on August 21, 2016 and wrapped on June 17, 2017. We know that the South African part was shot from March to June 2017 and the rest from August 2016 to somewhere before March 2017. Frank Randall dies at the end of the third episode (All Debts Paid), which was probably filmed before March 2017 - that was way before my time here, so please correct me if I am wrong.

That is covering almost four, not two years, on any given timeline. However, the Interview From Hell happened in January 2016, roughly two years and four months after the shooting started. And it was the first big blow to what probably used to be a happy-go-lucky SC Love Fest. Should we understand that the atmosphere on set ceased to be 'very happy' after the first couple of years? By the time IFH happened, they were still shooting Season 2, after all. I believe it had consequences and I also believe we are witnessing these consequences even today. What we do know is that increasingly paranoid non disclosure measures were taken, in order to make sure no unfiltered information would ever reach the outside world.

I am, of course, merely speculating, in this particular case. But the timeline incongruity, by one of the leads, who is also a very precise man when it comes to words, gave me pause.

I rest my case.

PS: sorry for the 'fuck off' interjection right in the middle of the clip. I was really, really annoyed by the unnecessary shuffling between rows and tried to focus on Menzies.

[anyab]

Via NasAlSudan

Learn about the Sudanese revolution, the significance of December 19, and a legacy of resistance and resilience.

Join our call to action today and everyday during Sudan Action Week.

December 19 2023

Transcript:

Breaking it down

What is the Sudanese Revolution?

The Sudanese Revolution refers to the popular uprising in Sudan that began on December 19, 2018 and eventually deposed 30-year dictator of Sudan, Omar al-Bashir, on April 11 of 2019.

How did the Revolution begin?

Protests first began in Atbara, a city with historical significance to the labor movement in Sudan, in response to the rising costs of basic supplies such as bread and fuel.

Protestors set fire to the national party headquarters, and the news of their revolt quickly spread, inspiring protestors first in other cities, and then in the capital of Khartoum itself.

Online, the caption #TasgutBas, translating to #JustFall, grew in popularity and helped connect the diaspora to those in Sudan.

Was it really just bread?

No. The rising cost of bread in developing nations is an indicator of how badly the economy is strained, to the point where it impacts members of every social class.

At this point in time in Sudan, subsidies on essential goods had been rolled back, funding for social and state services such as healthcare and education was nearly nonexistent, and it is estimated that nearly 90% of economic activity took place in the informal sector, all while the military budget continually increased.

Transcript:

Who led the charge? Creating a revolution

Group: Sudanese Professional's association (SPA)

Who they are:

Group of labor and trade organizations formed in secret in 2012 and publicly declared in 2016

Backbone of grassroots organizing in Sudan

Role played:

Led action on the street, organized national protests, like the initial march on Khartoum for increased wages before the transition to calls for regime change, and worker strikes.

Group: Local Resistance Committees (LRCS)

Who they are:

Initially formed as groups of students and youth organized together on the more local, neighbourhood basis during the Bashir era

Membership is extremely diverse across socio-economic, ethnic, tribal, religious, and political lines

Role played:

Considered the lifeblood of the revolution, with youth organizing local protests and ensuring safety against governmental repression by standing on the front lines + providing security, food, water, and medication to people

Group: Forces for freedom and change (FFC)

Who they are:

Coalition comprising the SPA, LRCS, the Sudan Revolutionary Front (group of anti-governmental Darfur militias), political parties, and civil society groups

Role played:

Essentially became the political mouthpiece of the revolution and signed onto the transitional government with the military on behalf of Sudanese civilians

It is also crucial to note that from a demographic perspective, it is youth and women that largely led and comprised the Sudanese Revolution.

Trabscript:

How did the revolution succeed?

01. Learning from the Past

Following the Arab Spring wave, Sudan also attempted a revolution in September of 2013

Civilians faced violent crackdowns within the first three days of protest. 200 killed, 800+ arrested

Activists were deterred from mobilization + felt a lot of guilt at the massive loss of life and spent the next 5 years grounding themselves in the study of nonviolent theory and action

02. Building a Movement

Coalition Building and People Power

Diversification of the reach of the movement to make sure all sectors of Sudani society were represented

Decentralization of Activism

Past revolutions in 1964 and 1985 were concentrated in the labor movement and educational elites in Khartoum

This time, experienced nonviolent activists trained those in the capital and ensured ethnic, religious, and tribal diversity

Newly trained activists then taught others locally across the Sudanese states

Transcript:

Why december 19?

On December 19, 1955, the Sudanese parliament unanimously adopted a declaration of independence from the Anglo-Egyptian colonial power.

The declaration went into effect on January 1, 1956, which is why Independence Day is officially January 1, but December 19 is when the Sudanese people were truly liberated from colonial rule.

The flag shown is Sudan's independence flag. The blue is for the Nile, the yellow for the Sahara, and the green for the farmlands.

The current Sudanese flag was adopted in 1970, with the colors used being the Pan-Arab ones.

During the 2019 revolution, protestors often carried the independence flag instead as a form of resistance to the narrative of an exclusive Pan-Arab Sudanese identity.

December 19 is ultimately a tribute to Sudanese strength and resilience. It honors our independence and revolutionary martyrs - not just those of the 2019 revolution, but the democratic revolutions of 1964 and 1985 as well.

Transcript:

Why is the revolution ongoing?

The goal was never just the fall of a dictator. The goal was, and is, to build a better Sudan, one free from military rule. One with equal opportunities for everyone, with economic prosperity and safety and security - the key principles of freedom, peace, and justice that the revolution called for.

Today, though, before we rebuild Sudan, before we free it from foreign interests and military rule and sectarianism, we need to save it. Each day that passes by with war waging on is one where more civilians are killed. More people are displaced. More women are raped. More children go hungry. To live in the conflict zones in Sudan right now - whether that be Khartoum, Darfur, Kordofan, or now, Al Gezira, is to be trapped in a never-ending nightmare, a fight for survival. And to live elsewhere in Sudan is to wonder whether you're next.

Sudan Action Week calls on you to educate yourself and others about Sudan, and then to help the Sudanese people save it, because we can no longer do it alone.

Transcript:

What can you do? Uniting for Al Gezira and North Darfur

As we witness the unfolding events in Al Gezira and North Darfur, the communities of Abu Haraz, Hantoub, Medani, El Fasher, and many others are reaching out for assistance. Sudanese resilience persists to this day, with individuals on platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok seeking and providing guidance on transportation services, medical care, food, shelter, protection, safe zones, operational markets, and more. This isn't new for the Sudanese community. A legacy of unity emerged, notably during the 2019 revolutions, where nas al Sudan [the people of Sudan], both within the nation and in the diaspora, rallied together to support each other online. Beyond merely sharing stories on social media, this was about strengthening collective action, enhancing mobilizations, and building a resilient community rooted in solidarity. The essence of the Sudanese community lies in people supporting people, notably during the uprising in 2018 and following the events of April 15th, 2023

Swipe to see how you can help.

Transcript:

What can you do?

This week, on a day nearly mirroring Sudanese Independence and the popular 2018 uprising, Sudanese resilience endures as war follows nas al Sudan to Al Gezira and again in North Darfur. Our call to action this week is not just to share; it's a collective effort to uplift one another.

Share Resources:

If you have access to resources that can help such as transportation services, medical assistance, food, shelter, etc., please comment below.

Community Requests:

If you are in Al Gezira or North Darfur and require specific support, please comment on your needs

Connect Individuals:

For those unable to share resources directly, help amplify requests by sharing this information within your personal networks. Your connection may lead to support from individuals who can assist.

Spread the Word:

Share this call to action on your social media platforms to broaden the reach and encourage more people to contribute.

Transcript:

Hanabniho

حنبنيهوا

[We will rebuild]

#keepEyesOnSudan

#SudanActionWeek

[m00npill]

[Transcript] Fallen Angels

FALL OUT BOY'S ULTRA-AMBITIOUS NEW ALBUM WILL MAKE THEM ONE OF THE WORLD'S BIGGEST BANDS. SO HOW COME PETE WENTZ IS STILL SO DEPRESSED?

source: x the other page missing ;-;

2007 Kerrang! No.1142

PETE WENTZ is an hour late.

Because of this the first thing you learn about Fall Out Boy is that nothing happens without him. His three other bandmates - singer and guitarist Patrick Stump, guitarist Joe Trohman and drummer Andy Hurley - sit waiting. They're in a conference room on the first floor of the Marriott Hotel in Lowell, Massachusetts, a pretty, vanilla flavoured town 60 minutes north of Boston. The reason the group are here is because in three hours they're due to play four songs in front of 8,000 people gathered to watch the local radio station's Christmas concert. But first they're forced to wait. Because picturing Fall Out Boy without Pete Wentz is like imagining a motorway without traffic.

"See, that's not right," says Patrick Stump. Stump is wearing a small frown and an indulgent smile. It's been said that he has no ego. As you hear him now he's checking out his own entry page on Wikipedia. "No, see, they've got that wrong...

We don't have much time. Fall Out Boy landed at Roston's Logan airport at 4pm. This lunchtime they were in Chicago; by dawn they'll be in Manhattan. The band's ride pulled up in Lowell an hour ago. It's now 6:30. At 9:25, they're due onstage. Before that they need to pose for photographs and answer questions.

"Pete's in his room," someone says. Andy Hurley goes downstairs to the toilet, taking a security guard with him. Fall Out Boy have two security men: one for Pete Wentz, one for the others.

Wentz calculates that he spends 40 minutes out of every hour on the phone. He receives up to a 100 emails a day. He owns a film production company. He's a published author. He owns his own record label. He owns his own clothing line. He's modelled for Gap. He'd be modelling for us if he could be bothered to be here.

But Pete is in his room, laid low with depression. He's sat on the floor "calling random people from [his] home town [Wilmette, Illinois]", people whom he believes will "understand [him]". Problem is, when they pick up the phone he "can't think of a thing to say". All the while it's getting later and later. He feels self-conscious about how to time his entry, aware that he might be thought of as "the asshole American guy in a band". Even now, two and a half hours later, these feelings are still resident in his mind. "It's weird," he'll say. "Although I'm functioning, half of my head is in another place.

Do you see how people might look at you, see your wealth and your privilege and your opportunities, and think: you ungrateful son of a bitch?

"Of course," he says. "I think that all the time. But you asked me about depression and so I'm talking about it. It's the culture we live in."

You don't seem to mind talking about it. "The only problem I have with it is that I don't want people to read this article and go, 'lt'd be so amazing to be depressed! That'd be cool!'. I don't want to create an industry of misery."

These days, Pete Wentz has prescriptions for Xanax, Praxil, Prozac and Ativan. To compliment this, he's taking serotonin reuptake inhibitors (more anti-depressants). In the past, he's been administered anti psychotics. If Wentz were to die tomorrow his coffin would need to be fitted with a child-proof lid.

"Sorry I'm late," he says, entering the conference room, shaking hands. "I'll be your self-conscious rock star for the day." Paul Harries, Kerrang!'s photographer, tells the bassist that we don't have much time. Pointing the lens at his face he tells him it'll need to see his full repertoire of poses. The subject understands precisely what the photographer means, and as the flash lights zap before him he gives him just that. The camera loves Pete Wentz, even if at the moment Pete Wentz hates himself.

He's depressed. You'd never know.

"NOT TO beat up on the press," says Joe Trohman. "But they do tend to take one look at our band and and say, Pete Wentz is Fall Out Boy." Trohman is answering a question as to whether it grates on his nerves that the band's bass player is the one who garners most of the public attention. "Not at all, no. Pete is the public face of the band because we want him to be the public face of the band.

Would you be screwed without him?

[tallerthantale]

I finally got around to doing a close reading of transcripts of the Tortoise episodes, and I am very glad that I did.

My view remains that I find all the allegations both very credible and very damning. The updates to my views are that I feel more positively (though not entirely positively) about Tortoise, and that there is a probable very bad actor in all of this that isn't getting nearly enough attention. (Not Amanda Palmer. Or well, yes Amanda Palmer, but she isn't who I'm talking about.)

Tortoise first.

I'd been seeing a lot of comments claiming that Tortoise was anti BDSM. I don't know what the people in the podcast have as their personal views, but they made a point multiple times to clarify that BDSM does not operate like what Neil Gaimen was alleged to have done, and the condemnation they had for the alleged actions was not a condemnation of consensual BDSM. As someone who has been very involved in BDSM community for decades, I am fully in agreement with everything the hosts have said. The line people got most hung up on was a guest expert snarking about degradation ever being consensual. It is ambiguous in context what definition of "degradation" he is using, but it seemed to me he was referring to processes of establishing coercive control, and not referring to degrading roleplay in a mutually invested, healthily negotiated kink scenario. My remaining critique on the host / guests perspective is that the language around abuse and coercive control used by the hosts and guests often presumes all abusers are male and all victims are female. It doesn't diminish the value of the rest of what they are doing, but I think it is worth being critical of as a side note.

The other big point of concern with Tortoise, which I got major bad vibes off of from day one, was the manner in which they talk about their "understanding of Neil Gaimen's position." That sets off my internal red flags because it immediately prompts the follow up questions, "How did you acquire that understanding?" "Who told you that?" "Why aren't you quoting and / or citing them?" I had been speculating that they were from his side of the communications provided by the people coming forward, or comments from lawyers that weren't being properly attributed. Council of Geeks had a great "Cite Your Sources!" whiteboard moment I would generally agree with.

However.

It turns out there is actually a good reason for the citation fuckery. I think a lot of people missed it, so I'm going to try to explain it. When the hosts are referencing communications provided by those coming forward, they say so. When they are referencing comments by lawyers, they say so. The issue is, the bulk of the time, their understanding is coming from piles of direct emails with Gaimen that are OFF THE RECORD. Journalists have to take that seriously to get to keep doing journalism. They are professionally obligated to NOT cite or quote him when he is off the record. Normally in such a situation journalists wouldn't do this squiggly 'our understanding of their views' thing, they would leave it out entirely to be on the safe side of their professional obligations. Sprinkled through the podcasts are comments about the moral importance of hearing from both sides, the great public interest need to hear from both sides. This is a very snarky justification for the game they are playing of vague-posting the gist of his off the record statements without ever putting the exact statement on the record.

A lot of their snark surrounding that, and some other bits, leave the very distinct impression that Gaimen and his lawyers have threatened legal action against Tortoise several times already. Honestly I hope that they do file legal action, as that would open Gaimen up to discovery. Discovery is a process by which Tortoise would be able to demand access to nearly all documents and / or electronic communications Gaimen has relating to the matter, and in doing so make them public. Discovery is far broader sweeping that what is admissible in court, because it has to be 'discovered' before the court can rule it admissible or not. But inadmissible thigs are still usually public record. A jury wouldn't see them, but we still can. Because of that, it is extremely unlikely that Gaimen will file a legal claim, but again, I truly hope that he does. Tortoise probably does too.

But there is another person deserving of investigation and discovery in all this.

The main focus of my current attention is from a bit in the first episode that jumped out at me. Like, it made my eyes bug out, jaw on the metaphorical floor, and I was shocked that I haven't seen it mentioned. But then I figured, people might just not have the context to know how big of a deal this is. So I'm going to talk about it.

According to Scarlett's account, after she came forward to Amanda, Neil asked her to take a call with a therapist that both he and Amanda see. It seemed like his financial assistance offer to her may have hinged on the call being part of the deal. At first read, it looks like Gaimen strongarming Scarlett to tell his therapist he didn't assault anyone. She does the call, and there is a message from the guy that seems designed to plant the suggestion in Scarlett that her friends are manipulating her into perceiving a consensual relationship as a non consensual one.

To me, that is a five alarm fire. Everything happening in there should not be happening, ever. A person who provides individual therapy should not provide it to both partners in a relationship. A person who provides relationship therapy should not be providing individual therapy to people in the relationship. (They should do one-on-one sessions with each in the context of the relationship therapy but that is different.) A therapist should not be framing things the way they are described in that message, or interacting that way towards someone who is not a client, particularly if they have a conflict with someone who is. Therapists are very aware of the potential for clients to coerce others into saying things that fit the client's narrative, and should not be encouraging them to try. And all that is before we even get to the part where he seems to have been tasked specifically to gasslight Scarlett into mistrusting herself and blaming her friends. By Scarlett's paper trailed account, this person should be facing very serious repercussions and investigation. According to Tortoise, he has not responded to any of their attempts to get in touch with him, and he has a phone that is set up to not accept voicemail.

The name of this alleged professional is stated in the podcast, so I looked him up. He is most widely known as an author. His first professional descriptor for himself is as an executive leadership mentor. That more or less translates to person who gives expensive pep talks to rich people. He is also a minister, and a 'consultant.' He does call himself a therapist, but he has no degrees, background, or training in psychology. His degree is from divinity school. He does not list any professional qualifications or certifications in mental health, he does not list any memberships in any mental health organizations. He did co-found an organization that appears to have put on motivational seminars for a variety of organizations. His 'client list' was last updated in 2012. His website has features that are only accessible by those who are 'fully committed.' He is based out of Arizona, USA.

Searching for his name + therapist will get you to a podcast episode with Amanda Palmer, where she had him on as a guest, described him as a therapist, her therapist, and her and Neil's relationship therapist, and promoted his books. It was recorded in 2019, and it is utterly vapid and out of touch from the both of them. Searching his name + therapist will not get you any information on his work as a therapist, because he is not a therapist.

He can't get stripped of his status as a mental health practitioner, because he isn't one. Tortoise states that he has protected confidentiality to Neil and Amanda. If he does have protected confidentiality, he has it solely through his status as a minister, not as a mental health professional because again, he isn't one. As a minister, he may have greater client privilege than an actual mental health professional, who would be required to break privilege if they have reason to believe their client is a danger to themselves or others. Religious client privilege is very strongly protected in most of the US even if the client is explicitly planning to commit specific acts of violence. This might be the main selling point to people who choose to work with ministers who pretend to be therapists rather than actual therapists.

Scarlett doesn't have confidentiality much less privilege by any avenue, his communication with her did not form a professional relationship despite the ways his message seemed to blur those lines, which would have left him free to pass on whatever she said to Neil and Amanda. That would also open the door for him to corroborate what Scarlett told him to the media, but my impression is that if he can be contacted, he will cite a duty to his real client, Neil Gaimen, to avoid saying anything. This is one of many reasons why real therapists do not take clients who have potential conflicts of interest with their other clients. I can't tell from the content of either podcast to what extent he may have materially represented himself to be an actual mental health professional to his clients, but if he has done so he absolutely should be liable if not culpable for that.

I would like to see this man investigated to hell and back, but I don't know if anyone in the media is going to bother. For anyone who needs to hear it, do not go to therapy with someone who isn't a licensed mental health professional. Do not have the same individual therapist as your romantic partner(s). If you are setting up couples therapy, it needs to be with someone who has never met either of you before, and you make first contact with them as a unit.

Obligatory this is all personal opinion disclaimer. The internal states of public figures cannot be determined or scientifically evaluated by their public statements / appearances / works / ect... I am not the behaviour panel, nor do I endorse that kind of thing. But under certain circumstances I am willing to put out some personal opinions about what certain actions, if they happened, would seem to suggest.

I've been saying for a while now, the allegations paint a very strong and compelling picture of Gaimen knowing what he was doing and engaging in deliberate strategy even if he can make pocket experiences for himself where he gets to believe that the relationships were real. I think the evidence pointing towards Gaimen having a long running pseudo 'therapist' he is comfortable sending his accusers to talk to, who then encourages the accuser to think their friends are controlling them, speaks to how deeply this approach to life can saturate a person's existence. When I say 14 represents a lifestyle choice, these are the kinds of things I'm talking about. Someone who fucked up and made a few grievous errors, and did soul searching, and is trying to do better doesn't send their victims to their on call professional gassligter with religious privilege who they outsource to. This looks like 'life revolves around finding ways to control and silence people' level shit.

[puckpocketed]

Sheng Peng, Corsi Agnostic

From the latest episode of SJHN pod [14:28 - 15:38] (emphasis mine)

[Start Transcript]

Sheng Peng: I did also want to mention one data point, too, that I did find interesting that I didn’t want to mention — I did not want to mention when, before Luca got here, because I don’t use this stat much, and so I don’t want people to think that, oh, now that this stat lines up in my favour that I’m going to start using it.

But I did find this interesting though and I didn’t, never told you this stat so make what you will of it but Luca does have the worst Corsi-for percentage 5-on-5 on the Barracuda.

Keegan McNally: Wow

SP: Yeah so just for what that's worth, I said I don't buy into it, that's why I never wrote about it. But just a data point that, now that we're — now he's up here, now everyone can see clearly that I don't have a anti-short king bias. Because I am a short king myself, so l don't have an anti-short king bias.

So that's an interesting thing and I don't know if it means anything really, but I just thought that was a interesting data point that I'm going to throw in there because I'm never going to — l'm not going to use it for writing. And so you can have that at, with that, what that means long-term for Luca […]

[End Transcript]

[cooking-with-hailstones]

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A post shared by Bisan Owda (@wizard_bisan1)

In case you were wondering: are the campus protests even important? Do they matter? Are they making a difference?

Yes, yes. They are making a difference.

Video description: Bisan, a young Palestinian woman, is speaking directly to the camera. She is wearing a black shirt and a keffiyeh.

Video transcript (I did my best but missed a few words)

I’m 25 years old. I’ve lived my whole life in Gaza Strip. I’ve never felt hope like now. Never. I mean it’s magical feelings running in my veins right now. In my head, I’m in Gaza city, in the north of Gaza Strip rebuilding my city after this genocide has ended. Even started to dream that my friends from Yafa, Haifa (unsure), majdal, are returning to their cities after being displaced for 75 years. These young heroes in universities at America and around the world are stronger than the last occupation in history. And for the first time in our lives as Palestinians, we hear a voice louder than their voices and the sound of their bombs and even stronger than their control in all aspects of our lives. 

In the 70s, the occupation, Prime Minister said, after decades of killing Palestinians, stealing the lands, establishing the state of Israel over the lands that “the adults will die, and children will definitely forget.” 

Wait. Is that the greatest (unsure) in history? Because it’s children and youth who are leading the movement for a free Palestine. everything they have on the line to demand justice and end of the genocide, and a new era of the world, not based on oppression, exploitation or colonialism. 

Do you know what the best part is? demonstrations and calls for boycott in the academic institutions are not limited to a certain people from certain religion, culture, color, religion, race, or maybe economic level. We are all different so we can no longer be accused of anti-Semitism, serving some agendas from outside, we are just different people calling for the same thing. People to people and people to justice. 

200 days I’ve spent escaping death every single minute were not in vain. And those 40,000 innocent souls were killed during these days were not also in vain. And this is the first time to feel and tell you this. 

Keep going because you are our only hope and we promise we will hold our ground and tell you the truth always. And please, don’t let their violence scare you. In Arabic, we say (Arabic phrase). In English, that means “they don’t have other options, but trying to terrify and silence you” because you are demolishing decades of brainwashing. You are making the change. The real change. Their violence means that we’ve begun to affect them deeply. Believe me, we are in the bottom of this bottle and we’re very very close to the end of this genocide. Maybe even closer than anytime before. Thank you. Thank you for each one of you, because you made us, me and my people feel that we are free. We are heard. We’re going back to our homes, and land. 

(Through tears) I have spent the whole night thinking about every video I see, you shouting for Palestine, you protesting for Palestine, you are dancing, singing for Palestine I feel it here in my head that I am going back. And I am free, and one day, we will celebrate it in, in Gaza together. Keep going and we will too. Salaam. 

(if anyone can help with my transcript, it would be much appreciated!)

[honey-makes-mogai]

[Image ID: Two MOGAI flags with ten horizontal stripes. From top to bottom the colors in order are: dusty navy blue, light yellow, yellow, off white, dark orange, dusty cyan, off white, yellow, light yellow, dusty navy blue. The dark orange and dusty cyan stripes are thinner than the rest, which are all equally sized. In the middle of the first flag is a symbol resembling a 5 pointed star, the lines making each point turn into a spiral as they reach the next point. The symbol is off white outlined in black with a semi transparent off white circle behind it. In the center of the second flag is an image of the character Ace as he appears in the game Animal Crossing: New Horizons. /End ID]

AceACstelic -

[PT: AceACstelic -]

A constelic term for those who stel Ace from Animal Crossing!

[Image ID: Two MOGAI flags with ten horizontal stripes. From top to bottom the colors in order are: blue, light yellow, yellow, off white, brown, light blue, off white, yellow, light yellow, blue. The brown and light blue stripes are thinner than the rest, which are all equally sized. In the middle of the first flag is a symbol resembling a 5 pointed star, the lines making each point turn into a spiral as they reach the next point. The symbol is off white outlined in black with a semi transparent off white circle behind it. In the center of the second flag is an image of the character Ace as he appears in the game Animal Crossing. /End ID]

AceOACstelic -

[PT: AceOACstelic -]

A constelic term for those who stel Ace from Animal Crossing, specifically their appearance in the original Animal Crossing game!

Tagging: @radiomogai @obscurian

[Banner ID: A pastel yellow banner with a sunflower on either side. In brown text with a white outline, it says "- Please let me know if this has been coined before! -" /End ID.]

[DNI transcript: "-DNI- Basic criteria, anti-mogai, proshippers, ableists, aphobes, racists, zoophiles, rpf shippers, fandom discourse, under 13, transid/transx". /End transcript.]

[iamfitzwilliamdarcy]

ok this one IS an explicitly anti-maiko post, I'm not sorry. The Beach is a great episode except that a lot of it doesn't actually land for me in terms of relationship dynamics, and the extremely obvious one is maiko.

This episode does a lot of work for trying to establish the Fire Nation kids group dynamics and their motivations and insecurities. It's really good, especially for Azula. It also is where Zuko first starts confronting returning to the Fire Nation was not going how he expected and his growing internal conflict. But background to this is also further establishing the Zuko/Mai relationship, and lemme just say-- I do not think the writers do a good job.

This got long esp because of transcript quotes, so I put it under a read more, but here we go

Throughout the episode, Zuko and Mai snipe at each other, culminating in a blowup argument and a breakup. And then they literally just kiss and make up at the end of the episode, without doing anything to fix the things that led to the break up in the first place.

So let's start with the argument, work backwards from there, and back to their resolution. This is the argument:

Mai [Angrily.] Zuko, what is wrong with you? Zuko What's wrong with me? Mai [Scolding.] Your temper is out of control. You blow up over every little thing. You're so impatient and hotheaded and angry! Zuko [Snapping back.] Well, at least I feel something, as opposed to you. [Frontal view from behind Mai.] You have no passion for anything! You're just a big blah! Mai [Turns away from Zuko.] It's over, Zuko. We're done.

Immediately preceding this, Zuko shoves the Fire Nation kid talking to Mai at the party. Zuko's been jealous of him all episode and it's frankly not entirely unfounded. Chan invites Ty Lee to his party, Ruon-Jian notices Mai and invites her too-- Zuko is ignored until Azula insists on getting them both invites as well. Zuko's jealousy is out of line, and getting suspicious Mai likes Ruon-Jian is too, I can see why Mai would be annoyed by that. I can also see why it would trigger Zuko getting so upset when he sees Ruon-Jian talking to her at the party.

I... have trouble believing Mai would actually be so mad/upset that Zuko shoved another guy. It's a little controlling, but it is exciting and she had just been saying she as bored. It would make more sense to me if Zuko had taken this out on her -- she can't talk to people, etc-- as a reason for being upset-- because that would go better with her personal family trauma revealed later in the episode about being controlled and stifled.

I also think it's interesting Mai says Zuko's temper is out of control because other then going after Ruon-Jian, he's not really angry in this episode? He's annoyed about being handled by his father, he's dismissive of Mai's negativity at the party, he is suspicious and jealous but he doesn't do anything outright and hot tempered until then. What is Mai basing this on?

(after this Zuko IS very mean to Ty Lee at the fireside but we have no in show evidence he was before)

We certainly address Zuko's anger later at the fireside-- he's in conflict with himself, he is angry at himself. They sort of address Mai not feeling things and being a big blah in the fireside scene -- I'm gonna put the long block quote here lol:

Zuko [Camera pans right. Getting up.] Yeah, you do not believe in anything. Mai [Close-up; sarcastically.] Oh, well, I'm sorry I can't be as high-strung and crazy as the rest of you. Zuko [Aerial view of campsite. Walking up to the campfire.] I'm sorry, too. I wish you would be high-strung and crazy for once instead of keeping all your feeling bottled up inside. [Frontal view.] She just called your aura dingy. Are you gonna take that? Mai [Aerial view of campsite. Leaning back.] What do you want from me? You want a teary confession about how hard my childhood was? Well, it wasn't. [Close-up.] I was a rich only child who got anything I wanted ... as long as I behaved [Cut to shot of the sky.] and sat still, and didn't speak unless spoken to. [Close-up of Zuko.] My mother said I had to keep out of trouble. We had my dad's political career to think about. Azula [Side-view of campsite.] Well, that's it, then. [Close-up.] You have a controlling mother who had certain expectations, and if you strayed from them, you were shut down. That's why you're afraid to care about anything, and why you can't express yourself. Mai [Frontal view.] You want me to express myself? [Stands up and yells.] Leave me alone! Zuko [Side-view of campsite. Frontal view of Zuko.] I like it when you express yourself. [Approaching, attempting to put a hand on her shoulder.] Mai [Frontal view.] Don't touch me! I'm still mad at you. [She sits.] Zuko [Side-view of Mai.] My life hasn't been that easy either, Mai. Mai: Whatever. That doesn't excuse the way you've been acting.

Anyway, again, "the way Zuko's been acting" isn't really obvious to me-- he's a little snide after their fight and that's mean. And even here, Zuko is (I think fairly earnestly) trying to give her an outlet and she's not moved by it. It's not until he confesses he's angry at himself that she seems to forgive him, and it's unclear exactly what has moved her about this --

Zuko [Close-up.] Because I'm confused. Because I'm not sure I know the difference between right and wrong anymore. Azula You're pathetic. Mai [View from behind Zuko.] I know one thing I care about. [Walks up to Zuko. Frontal view.] I care about you. [They kiss.]

Press X to doubt because the whole episode has not shown once that Mai cares about Zuko. In fact, it's shown her rebuffing all his attempts to connect with her and the arguing with him. The episode hasn't shown me one piece of evidence that Mai even likes Zuko. There's nothing that's changed between the start of the episode and now, except that Zuko's addressed why he's angry and who he's angry with-- but it doesn't explain why that would make Mai not mad at him anymore. They haven't addressed any of their earlier grievances, but once again the writers use a kiss to show us everything's all made up and fine now, I guess. A kiss isn't a resolution, but I mentioned in another post, Book 3 does this a lot!

Also it's weird to me to just ignore Zuko expressing his conflict-- Mai has no opinion about that? This becomes a point of conflict a bit later in The Boiling Rock episodes, where Mai tells Zuko he is betraying his country, but again it's never really satisfactorily addressed. Azula at least calls him pathetic -- which isn't nice but isn't ignoring it either.

I would even go as far to say Ty Lee is shown to care more about Zuko when she calls him out for burning the family portrait and it's Ty Lee who says "I know you." That line just really hits me as very meaningful, but they opted not to give it to Zuko's girlfriend, not even to his sister, but to Ty Lee.

SO that is all to say-- if this is supposed to be a Maiko episode, it doesn't land. All it does is lay seeds for their dysfunction and conflict, then refuses to resolve it.

[firestorm09890]

having fun looking at some of the less obvious dialogue changes for Axel (where the most changes lie, aside from Lexaeus's death scene) between GBA CoM and Re:CoM. They made him much more cold, as if he's just going through this because he has to, whereas in GBA he seems to be having a GREAT time pissing everyone off (which makes the dialogue line "Hey, wait. I'm enjoying this. You guys ARE something else!" that's only in Re:CoM and not in GBA CoM stranger, because if the point was to make him a little less.. hm... sadistic, to make it more understandable how he went from that to his appearance in kh2/Days, then this is sort of in opposition to that goal, but I digress).

In GBA CoM, Axel is the one to suggest "another round" with Sora, like they're toying with him. Which they are, but it's both of them toying with him. Re:CoM puts all that on Larxene instead.

GBA CoM has Axel tell her give her a warning not to go too far, which makes sense- she's got a reputation as a cruel person, after all, and they do need Sora for plans and stuff. It's the second warning that gets Larxene curious about why he's so adamant about this, and his answer is surprisingly transparent: "He's partly one of us." Aside from its narrative purpose of teasing the player with this juicy bit of info, he's thinking about Roxas. Larxene knows he is too, but she leaves it there.

In Re:CoM, it comes off more as Larxene deciding to fuck with Sora on her own, and Axel being the 'nice' one of the group, telling her to not go too far, with an unusually sincere tone. We know he's thinking about Roxas, so it's really not as kindhearted as it might look on the surface, but the effect is still there. And then losing "Then you won't mind the warning" takes a bit of the snark out of Axel's reply, putting him even more in a sort of anti-hero light.

We also don't know if Larxene would've done that weirdly intimate advance she did in Re:CoM if they had the capabilities to animate it on GBA but that also serves to portray Axel as more of a victim in this scenario when he is, in fact, doing the equivalent of firing billiard balls across an organized chess match

and then what isn't in the GBA transcript is that Axel's expression during the last line is also smiling and looks like this

[ignylinn]

Harrowhark Mental Health Awareness Post

I feel a need to explain myself when I say that Harrow is not schizophreniac, but schizo spectrum coded.

I also think that assigning a diagnosis to a character can be problematic for many readers whose experience is somewhat similar, for people who have schizophrenia, and for their social circle.

I will not attempt to diagnose Harrowhark here, I want to provide observations.

Why do I know this? First, this knowledge is crucial in my line of work.

Second, as a person with MH issues, I am eager to understand myself better - to make my life better.

Do not use this text as a self-diagnostic tool. It includes names of a teeny tiny number of mental disorders, and does not include any somatic problems which camouflage as mental disorders.

So, some observations on Harrow's mental health.

What is schizo spectrum?

Schizo spectrum includes a ton of things apart from schizophrenia, like: schizoaffecive disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, schizoid personality disorder, etc. Some of these include psychotic symptoms, some do not. Some of these need medication, for some psycotherapy is the best way to go.

Schizophrenia itself is characerized by two clusters of symptoms: positive and negative.

Positive ones are the ones where you experience something you are not supposed to. Or to put it in a different way, when you have MORE of something than is healthy. These includes delusions and hallucinations.

Negative ones are the ones where you have LESS of something than is healthy. This includes low range of emotion, low or non-existent expression of emotion, executive disfunction, severe lack of motivation, etc.

Schizophrenia is most famous for its positive symptoms aka psychosis, but to be diagnosed with schizophrenia specifically, you must have symptoms from both categories.

They also must be frequent and be present for prolonged periods of time.

Some disorders from schizo spectrum are characterized by negative symptoms only.

Again, do not self-diagnose based on these descriptions. MH disorders and illnesses alter self-perception, you might miss something crucial. Or alternatively, you might severely overdiagnose yourself.

Also, never ever self-prescribe any psychoactive medication ever, especially anti-psychotics! They are very harmful when you do not need them, especially long-term.

Now, to Harrowhark

Her hallucinations are not hallucinations. She is haunted. I do not understand why she herself never thought of this explanation in the world where ghosts and revenants and posession exist, and she is kind of a specialist. Maybe it was because she was the only necro, and non-necros told her it must be hallucinations.

Or maybe being haunted by the girl from the Tomb is just so much more horrifying - maybe her parents were right. Maybe now she carries a weapon of Apocalypse within herself.

Being haunted in this case does look like a metaphor for hallucination.

Delusion is more difficult to explain, but this is basically when your mind is completely preoccupied with some illogical and disconnected ideas, often very simple in its basis. Like, you have two axiomatic thoughts which suddenly start to describe the whole universe - cats are reptiles, the sun is blue. This is basis, and it can lead to an illogical conclusion that, for example, cats are aliens, and the government alters the colour of the sun so that we do not learn that cats are aliens, and it develops and develops and develops.

Your critical thinking is dead; your psyche is overwhelmed, it goes into a recursion of building up the universe on these ideas, failing, building up again, failing, etc. I do not see anything like it in Harrow. But again, this would be very hard to read. If you read transcriptions of consultations/interviews with actively delusional people - it is hard, it is invasive, if you do it too much it starts to do things to your own psyche.

I think, out-universe convention of "let's believe Harrow is delusional" might be better for everyone, and I am willing to accept it based on TMuirs interviews.

Her obsession with the sword in HtN may very well be a loose delusion metaphor.

This is also a thing you cannot self-diagnose! If you think "maybe this is a real delusion", you are not delusional. However, if something close bothers you and meddles with your life, please pay a visit to a specialist.

As for negative symptoms - she is quite emotional, she is able to express these emotions as frequently pointed by Gideon. She is also able to apply face-paint every day - something to admire, really! Also, she wears complex ceremonial clothing frequently. She reads a lot and is able to apply what she reads - application is often difficult for schizo spectrum. The link between thinking and doing is often very weak.

What does she have? She is a very picky eater and does not react well to complex tastes - which is characterisical. She expresses like 1% of what is going on in her head. She has a very vivid, symbolic imagination and lacks either means or motivation to express it. She is averse to touch.

Also, she is paranoid. But I can't tell whether her paranoia is healthy and rational, or not. Because she lives in a dangerous environment. Might as well be a metaphor. Might be both. Most likely both.

But what about the times when she thinks she is someone else?

There is a reference about this in the book.

Well, this is most likely dissociation. This is a completely different thing from psychosis/delusion.

It is mainly a symptom of PTSD, CPTSD, and a whole bunch of dissociative disorders. It also occurs in borderline personality disorder, and maybe in some others.

Dissociation is when your brain cannot hold some overwhelming and traumatic experience, like, at all. So different parts of the experience go to different neural structures, which are then isolated from each other. Thus they can either be accessed separately and safely, or are just completely closed in some dark corner of the brain, mostly inaccessible.

Prolonged traumatic events sometimes lead to creation of isolated personality states. That's why dissociative identity disorder was previously called multiple personality disorder. According to modern classficiations, it is also a spectrum. Cases of complete memory loss when switching between personality states are rare.

So, in psychosis psyche as a whole goes SUPER WROOOM and cannot stop without outside help. In dissociation, psyche is divided into boxes with various experiences inside, and only one can be fully open at a time. It also takes a lot of energy to keep other boxes closed. You do not need meds for this specifically, but often meds are needed to alleviate some of the effects.

I would be very, very surprised if Harrowhark does not have CPTSD.

But! you can have both schizo spectrum and something dissociation-related, esp CPTSD.

Also, from dissociation perspective, the whole book is a metaphor for the process.

Harrow constantly has someone else in her brain, some neural structures she is aware of, or unaware of. She perceives them as foreign and invasive - and they are, in-universe! They are often perceived as foreign and invasive for people with these disorders.

However, if we take this as a metaphor, every character who somehow inhabited Harrow's body is a dissociated part of Harrow: Wake, Nona, Alecto and Gideon are all various aspects of Harrowhark. The book describes both the processes of dissociation and integration of these personality states/aspects.

So, Ortus know Harrow sometimes cannot read? Well, most probably she has a dissociated child part who has not yet learned to read, and this part manifests on rare occasions.

Other symptoms

Dysphoria (extreme dissatisfaction with yourself and your life, or some crucial aspects of it) AND dysmorphophobia (severe issues with body image). I will put these together, because not much can be said.

This can be indicative of basically anything from malnutrition to schizophrenia, or may be a disorder of its own.

Or it may be a symptom that your life really objectively sucks right now.

All of these might apply to Harrowhark.

How else is the book schizo-coded?

The whole imagery of the book, basically.

The imagery of caves going deep down, labyrinths, cursed doors, objects buried within a person, people being buried within objects, people being buried alive.

Drowning. Rivers, lakes and whole oceans inhabited by the hungry dead, bodies and spirits separate.

Being poisoned, being devoured. Being hunted by eldritch horrors.

These are all very typical fantasies, and also dream imagery, of people on the schizo spectrum.

This is so extremely brilliant and so spot-on that I am actually afraid to re-read HtN, because it can bring me to that altered state of mind to the point where it might severely interfere with my life. If you want to understand how it feels, how it it is lived, and to learn it from fiction, HtN is really The Book.

[mantra-repeated]

Dissopica

Pt: Dissopica :End Pt

a dissomei label describing a disconnect one has with their current mental health, feeling they are, or should have Pica. It is anti-"transition" if it's unsafe, or harmful to others.

This flag take the colors from the two pica flags I could find with the outer stripes being taken from This flag (Eyestrain warning) (Link), and the inner stripes and symbol being from This flag (Link).

Mentions / Tags: @dissodic-archive

Banner transcript: This term was made by an Endogenic. Anyone can use it however (So don't repost or recoin) :End Transcript

Main flag id: A flag with three main segments. The middle section has three stripes of cool gray that tilt left-to-right, lightening to a white V in the middle, then darkening again with three stripes of warm gray tilting right-to-left. The grays are sandwiched between narrow yellow bands. The top of the flag is a bright red stripe and the bottom is a bright blue stripe, each of which has a dark silhouette of teeth overlaid on it (respectively the top and bottom jaw). In the center of the flag is the dissomei symbol, a stylized brain, with the left half being a desaturated red color, and the right half a grey. On top of the dissomei is a symbol which is a triangular warning symbol with a horizontal shape underneath made of a long line with a shorter line connected to it, colored black. :End id

Alt flag id: A flag with three main segments. The middle section has three stripes of cool gray that tilt left-to-right, lightening to a white V in the middle, then darkening again with three stripes of warm gray tilting right-to-left. The grays are sandwiched between narrow yellow bands. The top of the flag is a bright red stripe and the bottom is a bright blue stripe, each of which has a dark silhouette of teeth overlaid on it (respectively the top and bottom jaw). In the center of the flag is the dissomei symbol, a stylized brain, with the left half being a desaturated red color, and the right half a grey. :End Id

Plain flag id: A flag with three main segments. The middle section has three stripes of cool gray that tilt left-to-right, lightening to a white V in the middle, then darkening again with three stripes of warm gray tilting right-to-left. The grays are sandwiched between narrow yellow bands. The top of the flag is a bright red stripe and the bottom is a bright blue stripe, each of which has a dark silhouette of teeth overlaid on it (respectively the top and bottom jaw). :End Id

[griefsinternalflower]

“I Hate Straights” - Published in 1990, written by Avram Finkelstein and David Robinson. From the book “Queers Read This”, a collection of the best queer liberation essays of the era.

transcript: I have friends. Some of them are straight.

Year after year, I see my straight friends. I want to see them, to see how they are doing, to add newness to our long and complicated histories, to experience some continuity.

Year after year I continue to realize that the facts of my life are irrelevant to them and that I am only half listened to, that I am an appendage to the doings of a greater world, a world of power and privilege, of the laws of installation, a world of exclusion.

"That's not true," argue my straight friends. There is the one certainty in the politics of power: those left out of it beg for inclusion, while the insiders claim that they already are. Men do it to women, whites do it to blacks, and everyone does it to queers.

The main dividing line, both conscious and unconscious, is procreation ... and that magic word - Family. Frequently, the ones we are born into disown us when they find out who we really are, and to make matters worse, we are prevented from having our own. We are punished, insulted, cut off, and treated like seditionaries in terms of child rearing, both damned if we try and damned if we abstain. It's as if the propagation of the species is such a fragile directive that without enforcing it as if it were an agenda, humankind would melt back into the primeval ooze.

I hate having to convince straight people that lesbians and gays live in a war zone, that we're surrounded by bomb blasts only we seem to hear, that our bodies and souls are heaped high, dead from fright or bashed or raped, dying of grief or disease, stripped of our personhood.

I hate straight people who can't listen to queer anger without saying "hey, all straight people aren't like that. I'm straight too, you know," as if their egos don't get enough stroking or protection in this arrogant, heterosexist world. Why must we take care of them, in the midst of our just anger brought on by their f---ed up society?! Why add the reassurance of "Of course, I don't mean you. You don't act that way." Let them figure out for themselves whether they deserve to be included in our anger.

But of course that would mean listening to our anger, which they almost never do. They deflect it, by saying "I'm not like that" or "now look who's generalizing" or "You'll catch more flies with honey ... " or "If you focus on the negative you just give out more power" or "you're not the only one in the world who's suffering." They say "Don't yell at me, I'm on your side" or "I think you're overreacting" or "Boy, you're bitter."

- Let Yourself Be Angry

They've taught us that good queers don't get mad. They've taught us so well that we not only hide our anger from them, we hide it from each other. We even hide it from ourselves. We hide it with substance abuse and suicide and overachieving in the hope of proving our worth. They bash us and stab us and shoot us and bomb us in ever increasing numbers and still we freak out when angry queers carry banners or signs that say Bash Back. For the last decade they let us die in droves and still we thank President Bush for planting a f---ing tree, applaud him for likening PWAs to car accident victims who refuse to wear seatbelts. Let yourself be angry. Let yourself be angry that the price for visibility is the constant threat of violence, anti-queer violence to which practically every segment of this society contributes. Let yourself feel angry that there is no place in this country where we are safe, no place where we are not targeted for hatred and attack, the self-hatred, the suicide - of the closet.

The next time some straight person comes down on you for being angry, tell them that until things change, you don't need any more evidence that the world turns at your expense. You don't need to see only hetero couple grocery shopping on your TV ... You don't want any more baby pictures shoved in your face until you can have or keep your own. No more weddings, showers, anniversaries, please, unless they are our own brothers and sisters celebrating. And tell them not to dismiss you by saying "You have rights," "You have privileges," "You are overreacting," or "You have a victim's mentality." Tell them "Go away from me, until you change." Go away and try on a world without the brave, strong queers that are its backbone, that are its guts and brains and souls. Go tell them go away until they have spent a month walking hand in hand in public with someone of the same sex. After they survive that, then you'll hear what they have to say about queer anger. Otherwise, tell them to shut up and listen.