#anxiety hits harder than anything literally

[andhumanslovedstories]

Hey so your post about pain management as a bedside nurse is so important to my own nursing practice that I've considered printing it out so I can have it to hand all the time. So thanks for that. Also, how do you deal with assignments that are busy enough that pain management is harder than it should be? I'm coming up on two years as a nurse and I feel like I take it personally when I am too busy to adequately manage my patients pain. I'm also coming from a newly unionized hospital where the ratios are still horrendous (I do 1:10 on med surg) and I'm hoping once we can enforce our staffing grids it'll be better but idk I'm burning out and I love my job so much and I really respect your nursing philosophy? I guess. Sorry for the word vomit it's been a crazy shift.

I've been trying to think of how to answer this since I got it. It's just such a horrendous ratio. With ten patients a shift, that's like six minutes an hour for each in a fantasy world where there's no charting and everything is exactly where you need it to be. I feel like I don't have great insight into this because the most med surg patients I've had assigned is five. Ten patients to one nurse is just a raw deal for everyone. Like christ no wonder you feel like you're burning out! I'll give you what thoughts I have and hopefully other people can chime in if they have suggestions. But that's such a hard patient load.

When I've been super swamped, I've found that's when being really explicit about your thinking with the patient helps. Like if I have to dash into a room and then dash back out, I'll make sure the board is updated with the next medication time and that the patient knows when the medication is going to kick in. I'll also provide call light parameters. I have a lot of success telling people, "the med should be doing something by 5:30. If I haven't checked in with you by then, and the pain is unchanged or barely changed, hit your call light and we'll try the next step. Also hit your call light if you feel any sudden change, like now you're nauseated or you have a headache or the type of pain changes or something just feels very wrong. Is there anything you need before I step out of the room?"

I like to be explicit about when to call me because I think there's two directions call light usage can go wrong: someone calls all the time, or someone never calls. With someone who calls all the time, I find that telling them when I'll be back and that I want them to call me if I'm not takes away some of that anxiety that can causes some people to call frequently. Often those patients are afraid that if they aren't on the call light, they're gonna get ignored.

For the other type of patient, the one that doesn't call, I want to make explicit that it's GOOD AND NORMAL TO CALL YOUR NURSE WHEN YOU HAVE SYMPTOMS. We've all had that patient at the end of shift who goes, "btw the gnawing pain in my leg is now a 10/10" and you're like "what gnawing pain sir?? you've literally never mentioned it before now?? I don't have any meds for that lemme page super quick????" These patients can get into pain crises easily because they don't ask for help until something is unbearable. In addition to pain crisis bad, it takes a lot more time to deal with something unbearable than it does to deal with something uncomfortable.

On that note, are you spending your very limited time efficiently? To me, that actually means spend more time talking with patients, at least up front. Manage expectations, make sure people know what to expect. Having conversations with patients that are like, "You just had surgery, it's not gonna happen that we get you completely painless. We want to get you to a manageable pain level that allows you to do whatever it is you most want to do this shift." (For me on nights, that's usually sleeping at least a little, but sometimes the realistic goal you make together is that you will feel at some point better than you feel right now.) "You have this medication scheduled, and you have this one available every X hours when your pain is severe. Is there anything you know that helps you deal with pain?"

Also establish if patients want to be woken up for certain prn medications or if they're sleeping, to let them sleep. With some patients, I will advise them to get woken up for pain medication because I know that they're going to need consistent control to avoid a crisis. (Crises take so much time!)

When I'm crunched for time, I'm fond of bringing in an ice pack and being like "if it works, great, if it doesn't, just take it off, either way here it is." Sometimes I'll do the same with a warm blanket. If I know my patient needs to take pills, I'll bring a cup of water with me into the room. If there's a basic prn like melatonin or tylenol that I think they might want, I'll pull them in advance. If the patient doesn't want them, I return them next time I'm in the med room. (Obviously, don't do this with controlled substances. It's super easy to forget to return them, and not returning opioids is one of those whoopsies people get fired over.)

Decision making takes time. Walking to go get stuff takes time. I want to save the time it takes to assess if the patient needs those things and then walk off to fetch them by just having the things already. If your tightest resource is time, be liberal with resources you can spare. If you're stuck with a patient, do you have anyone you can delegate a prn med pass to? Do you know how to do the absolute minimum charting you need to? Do you have flushes and alcohol wipes and whatever other most common things you need? And since you can't hoard time, if you've got some to spare, ask yourself if there is anything you can do now that will save you time later. If you have five free minutes now and an incontinent patient, getting them up to the bathroom now can save you from taking the time for incontinence care and a bed change later on when they've also sundowned and decide they hate everything but most of all you.

So much of this answer I realize is investing as much time upfront as you can, which I realize is so hard when you are so busy. It sucks immensely that prepping takes much less time than not being prepared does when you don't always have time to prep. Plus when you invest that time to pain plan with patients and do small preventative interventions, I think it also provides some psychological comfort that helps with pain. You're letting them know you're invested and you care and you have a plan, even if you don't have all the time you'd like. That can mean better pain control, which can mean needing to spend less time in that room overall, meaning you can save six whole minutes at some point and maybe even, if we're feeling crazy, get a chance to indulge in that greatest of indulgences: just a real leisurely on-shift piss.

[wolfjackle-creates]

WIP Wednesday

So I'll be sharing a snippet from a different fic today! If I share anymore of Bring Me Home, I may as well just post the entire first chapter. (Which, I will be looking for a new job and hopefully moving in 2 months or so, so I'll probably try and start posting after that. Get another chapter or two written in the meantime.)

This fic is also from a prompt that was submitted by @regonold to @stealingyourbones. I did part of a collab fill previously, but the idea has been living in my mind rent free and I couldn't help but want to take it on more fully. I've written 5.5k and this snippet is just under 900 words.

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The formal gardens beyond the iron gate filled Danny with dread. Vlad’s mansion had looked like this, too. But Jazz had promised him, over and over again, that the Waynes were nothing like the Fruit Loop while begging him to come. Besides, he’d spent weeks making sure his schedule was clear and making deals to prevent any interruptions. No backing out now. With a sigh, he pressed the button for the intercom.

“Good evening, may I ask your business?” asked a man with a British accent.

“Um, yeah. Good evening.” Why was it so much harder to communicate with other people as human Danny than ghost Phantom? “Um, I’m Danny. Jazz’s brother?”

“Ah, yes. Of course. We’ve been expecting you. Follow the drive up to the house and welcome.”

Motors activated and the gates slowly opened. Danny started the trek up the long driveway. His anxiety wasn’t relived when he saw the manor with it’s dark stone facade and literal tower. If it was made of lighter stones, it could have been a copy of Vlad’s castle.

“This is for Jazz,” he muttered under his breath as he walked up the stairs. Before he could knock on the doors, they opened and Jazz ran out to hug him.

“Danny! Thank you so much for coming! How’ve you been? I know you’re busy, but you need to call me more often.”

Danny hugged her back tightly. “Sorry, Jazz. You know how I lose track of time. So where’s this famous Jason?”

A man stepped forward and started speaking, but hanging off his back was a ghost. The ghost of the dead Robin, to be exact. Shit.

At least the position of the ghost meant he appeared to be looking at probably-Jason. Even if he didn’t hear a word the man said. To make it worse, Robin realized he could see him and was sending out help-me trills.

Danny had to bite hard on his tongue to keep from vocalizing his own comforting chirps.

He was so focused on Robin that he almost didn’t notice probably-Jason holding out his hand to shake. Laughing self-consciously, he took it. “It’s great to finally meet you.”

The other man hesitated a moment and asked, “Is everything all right?”

But all Danny could focus on was Robin hanging off Jason’s shoulders and sending out happy-sad-helpless feelings. Danny relaxed the hold he had on his ghost self and tried to sense what was going on. But he had to reassure the human, too. “Yeah, I’m fine.” But wow, was Jason not. Where had he come into contact with such weird ectoplasm? It seemed to twist every emotion into anger and fear and violence.

Even worse was Robin. He was barely perceptible even to Danny’s enhanced senses.

Of course, Jazz was liminal enough to realize he was doing something. Quietly, she chirped a question.

Danny just shook his head and pulled back his power. “Later,” he murmured.

“I’ll hold you to that,” she said back, just as quietly.

Louder, Danny said, “Sorry. I just have bad memories about large manors like this. Has Jazz told you about Vlad?”

“He’s come up a time or two. With the black hair and blue eyes, someone will probably make an adoption joke at you before the night is over. But I’ll stab them if they do.”

Danny's laugh would have been much less forced had he not just felt the twisted anger inside probably-Jason. “Just don’t hit anything vital,” he said, hoping it sounded like a joke.

Robin rolled his eyes—and how could he do that so obviously with a mask on?—and tried to pull on Jason to lead him inside.

“Well, it might be summer, but Gotham is never warm. Come on in and I’ll introduce you to everyone,” said Jason.

Jazz grabbed his hand as they made their way inside where they were greeted warmly by an elderly gentleman.

“You must be Mr. Danny. Welcome to the Manor. I’m Alfred. Dinner will be served in one hour and please let me know if you need anything. Your sister stated you didn’t have any dietary restrictions?”

“What’s that?” Danny was trying not to stare at Robin who was now hugging the older man. Before Alfred could repeat himself, however, Danny’s brain caught up to the human conversation. “Oh, uh, no. I don’t. Jazz is right.”

“Very good. Can I take your coat and bag?”

Danny did shrug off his backpack, but only so he could also take off his coat. “Can I keep the bag? I don’t feel comfortable without it on me.”

“Very well.” Alfred hung the coat up on a rack right next to the door. “Master Jason, be sure to show him where the bathroom is on your way to join the others. Mr. Danny, there are plenty of drinks in the sitting room where everyone is relaxing should you need a refreshment.” And he finally had confirmation that this was Jason!

“’Course I will, Alfie.”

“Thanks,” said Danny, though he was more focused on the desperate chirps Robin was sending out.

I’m here-notice me-I love you.

Looks like he was breaking his promise to Jazz to not do any ghostly business tonight. Of course Jazz’s boyfriend would be haunted by a ghost that needed help. Why was he even surprised?

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As far as I know, there hasn't been a lot of requests for a tag list on this one. @addie-lover-of-stories is the only one I noticed. But let me know and I'll start one!

Next Part

[blixssily]

"your heart was glass, i dropped it."

| you promised him that you'd be careful and that you wouldn't get hurt. ironically, you end up sacrificing yourself to protect him.

| jing yuan x reader

˓ ꒱ notes and disclaimers: reader is g/n, established relationship, reader doesn't die, might be ooc. let me know if i've missed anything!!

˓ ꒱ authors notes: this was a request from @waaav !! i'm extremely grateful to be able to write this. i hope you like it!

"pleaseeee let me come along with you! i can protect myself, you've seen it before!" you whined, pleading to your boyfriend on accompanying him to his new mission. "i know you can, but this mission is extremely dangerous. i don't want to see you get hurt." he gives you a slight frown. "jing, i will literally keep begging you until you say yes." you sighed as you lean on his desk. "pleaseeee?" you try your luck at using your puppy eyes on him, sometimes they work and sometimes they don't.

this time, they do. "fine fine fine, just please be careful. stop giving me those eyes" he chuckles a little, ruffling your hair a little.

dark clouds gathered at the scene, obstructing your view. "you think it might rain?" you ask, looking around you even though you knew you couldn't see even 5 meters ahead of you. fog was starting to pick up too, making it even harder to navigate around. "let's hope not. you can hold my hand if you get scared though." he teases as you let out a scoff.

you hope he doesn't notice but his light hearted behaviour made you feel calm, like no matter how bad things would get, everything would somehow work out.

he notices your trailing behind a little, he turns back and takes a hold of your hand. "come on, let's go." he flashes you a smile. "we should be near, keep on the look out." he says as his grip on his weapon tightens, ready for any sneak attacks. "got it, general." he rolls his eyes at this, slowly letting go of your wrist so you can draw out your own weapon.

the clouds seem to get darker..

it was cold. unbearably cold.

was it the rain rain?

it was raining.

harsh droplets of rain splashed against jing yuan’s frame, dripping onto the once warm clothes he chose in the morning.

his heart sinks even deeper with every shallow breath you take, at some point he thinks he’s hit rock bottom.

it sinks even deeper.

he’s a general, how could he have miscalculated the situation this badly? his arms around your frail body tightens. he shouldve known, he shouldve done something. he shouldve prevented this, shouldve protected you.

the raindrops feel like minuscule daggers, piercing his skin. guilt overwhelming all of his senses, unable to hear or see anything but you.

his hearing deafening on everything but your hushed breaths. vision blurring on even the ground beneath him, but not you.

not you.

he's only able to comprehend the way your crimson blood is staining his hands, his hands are shaking.

his mind is rushing, replaying the horrid memory in his mind. he prays the sickening melody of your cries could be erased from his and your memory. he can't even fathom how much pain you were in right now.

although he knew no god would listen, he prays, he begs, he pleads.

he could barely register the healers rushing to your side, soldiers surrounding the area, checking for any danger lurking nearby. he almost doesn't let the healers take you away, rushing urgently to get you to somewhere safer while trying to not lose anymore of your blood.

he prays once more, ‘please be okay.”

you’re resting in a hospital bed, plush white sheets covering the numerous wraps of bandages around your body. your lover, sat in a wooden chair beside your bed. silver hair spilled off of his shoulders, messier than ever. his eyes are dry, tear stains evident on his cheeks as he plays with his fingers, scratching and peeling at the skin due to anxiety.

the doctors had left him alone with you after checking your vitals, assuring him you’d make a slow but steady recovery. he sighs once more, thinking about how much he’ll miss your good morning kisses, nagging him that he’s going to be late if he intends on continuing to cuddle you.

he cant look you in the face, even when you’re unconscious. his mind flashing to the exact moment you shoved him out the way to protect him.

his knuckles turn white as he continues to clench his fists, vision blurring once more. the inability to see clearly almost becomes familiar now. he'd hold your hand, grazing over your delicate skin. he assures himself this simple gesture is because he wants to give you even the smallest amount of comfort if it meant you would come back to him quicker.

maybe it was to stop his own hand from shaking.

"jing yuan..?" you manage to mutter out. his head almost snaps at our fast he looks up at you, his eyes glossing over once again. his hands interlocking with yours. "you're back." he sighs, a relieved smile made its way to his lips. your eyes scanned his figure, god he looks horrible.

"how lo—"

"please don't ever leave me alone like that again." his voices cracks, cutting you off. "please, please promise me you'll never do something like that ever again." he pleads, holding your hand tightly as if he could lose you at any second. he feels your cold fingers slowly stroking his hand, trying your best to comfort the man in front of you. "how have you been?" you said, trying your luck at calming him down by thinking of something else. "horrible." he laughs, you're glad it made him smile a little. he releases your hands, leaning further on the hospital bed.

"its been really lonely without you. i've missed your constant nagging, i've missed your morning kisses, i've missed your smile." he manages, he voice starting to break as tears start welling up in his eyes. you sit up from the hospital bed, no matter how much it hurts you to, you try your best not to wince. jing yuan feels your cold hands around his neck, your neck nuzzling into his neck at the same time. "i've missed you too." you whisper, letting a tear slide down your pale cheek. his arms cautiously wrap around your frame, extremely careful not to hurt you. he rests his head completely against yours, he feels as though he can finally relax once more.

his hand catches the tears starting to fall on his face as he unwillingly pulled away. "the doctors said you have to stay here for a few weeks, or until the wound is finally healed up." you don't miss the pout that's made it's way to his lips. "i'll be fine, i promise." your hand caressed his cheek, causing the corners of his lips to turn into a smile. "thank you for protecting me back there, but please don't do that ever again. i mean it." he peers into your eyes, you think if he stares at you for long enough he could see into your soul.

"i love you, i couldn't bear seeing you leave me."

"i love you too jing. just keep a look out next time." you wink at him, reciting his previous words. keep a look out.

he scoffs, "yea yea. get some rest now." he places a kiss on your lips before sitting back down. "i'll be here when you wake up. i promise."

notes and reblogs are heavily appreciated !!

(sorry for this trash fic i suck at angst and i'm not too familiar with jing yuan ;( )

[mamamittens]

A Lone Melody (Pt. 9)

Main

This chapter was sponsored by @yanderefangirl as part of the "Oh Shit Sale", thank you so much and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Warnings: Discussions of dental issues, child abandonment, abuse, racism, mourning, and poison.

Word Count: 3,183

As Jinbe expected, things got a lot harder.

Well over half the crew left with Arlong for their damn revenge and the sudden lack of so many hit hard. Especially for Melody, who’s small world just got even smaller than it had been before.

They set sail for Fishman Island in the hopes that familiar stomping grounds would soothe the loss they felt.

Melody hadn’t stopped crying for longer than an hour at a time, tears clinging to her lashes even when she had her favorite snack. Jelly crackers topped with chopped coral—poisonous of course, a real bitch to prepare safely but she loved it more than anything else they could make. It was about the only thing she could keep down and Jinbe was unsure if it was because she loved it so much or if the poisonous quality was so desperately needed.

What was worse were her hands… she kept gnawing on them in her anxiety. Covering her skin with a thin layer of poison and tiny puncture wounds. Anything they gave her to relieve the urge to self-soothe either didn’t last or just seemed to make it worse.

They were halfway to Fishman Island when Jinbe was awoken by a different kind of crying.

Not the soft, upset sobs in her sleep that he sometimes woke up with his hand rubbing her back to sooth her. But a sharp, gasping, pained cry. Jinbe’s chest tingled, drool soaking his yukata. Almost burning from prolonged exposure to the toxin.

Even in the dark, Jinbe could see it. A thick pool of venom in Melody’s mouth, small hand grasping a metal ring. Which she shouldn’t even have but still.

“Oh, pup.” Jinbe cooed softly, sitting up carefully as the poison penetrated his skin and made him dizzy. “What happened?”

As gently as he could, he pulled down her chin, mindful of the literally glowing venom laced drool. It was bright enough he could make out the sharp points of her teeth. And the several that were broken, bits of fragments on her tongue. He winced, certain this would not get better until her teeth came out. But with the amount of venom and the sharpness of her fangs, few could afford to risk it.

It had only been a few minutes of it sitting on his skin and Jinbe already knew he needed to wash it off now before more dramatic effects take place.

Faintly, Jinbe recalled that baby teeth could be stubborn. Adult teeth fall out all the time for shark-fishmen. Arlong did it as a party trick when he got drunk, new teeth popping into place almost instantly.

“P-Papah! H-Hurt!” Jinbe felt his heart sink.

Melody barely ate as it was. With her teeth in this state, it would only get worse.

“I know, I know, Melody.” Jinbe cooed, taking them to the washroom so she could rinse out her mouth with salt water. The last thing she needed was an infection on top of all of this. While she was tearfully gargling the water, Jinbe briskly cleaned himself off, removing his yukata and putting it with the wash. “We’ll see about taking you to the dentist when we reach Fishman Island. There has to be someone who can help there. In the meantime… liquid diet, I’m afraid. Hey, maybe we have one of those silly straws lying around?” Jinbe suggested with a frail smile, trying to cheer her up as she openly drooled the venom down the sink.

It was thinning out now, at least. No longer the thick, viscous, glowing liquid.

Melody needed more fluids anyway. Stock was easy enough to make… Jinbe frowned, wondering if they’d need to add poison to it or if a lack would help keep her production down until her teeth can be addressed. It can’t be good to swallow that all the time. But unfortunately this was a very unique biological problem none of them were sure of.

They still weren’t sure what kind of fishman she was. It was entirely possible that she didn’t need to produce venom and it’s just a byproduct. But it was equally possible that now that she has, she couldn’t stop.

For a moment, Jinbe resented Arlong so much it burned. If that stubborn bastard had just stayed put, this wouldn’t be an issue. Melody… she was too young to understand why she shouldn’t do certain things that made her feel better. Biting—such a common shark instinct—was in many ways, a language of it’s own. Jinbe himself had issues teething when he was young, though not nearly as much as his other shark-inclined brothers. Arlong could have walked her through teething in a more healthy way. Communicating her needs without accidentally killing someone with her venom.

All they could do, was their best, really.

And it burned Jinbe that he didn’t know if it would be enough.

But it would have to be. He could never face Arlong—or Fisher Tiger—if he failed to care for Melody when she needed him most.

--*--

Hody Jones was born into the filthy slums of Fishman Island and feared more than anything that he would die in it.

Die caked in the refuse created the misery humanity generated without thought elsewhere, cast over their shoulder into the shadows.

Unimportant.

Forgotten.

Ground to a pulp under the heel of a filthy human’s boot where they should consider themselves lucky to even see.

When he heard of Fisher Tiger, he felt inspired.

Now there was a man who knew what needed to be done. Had the balls to climb those lofty, gilded peaks and shake the filthy humans down from up high. And many rightfully joined his crew—though not Hody Jones, who was too young to be properly brought aboard. Arlong, a man of great strength and value, happened to step off the island onto that ship of opportunity. And Hody couldn’t wait to join him and the others.

But Hody Jones would never get the chance.

Killed.

Murdered.

Fisher Tiger was dead and the crew fell apart.

Hody never felt such resentment in his life to have missed such an opportunity.

Arlong, the man Hody so looked up to, took up that mantle in Fisher Tiger’s name. Leaving behind almost half the crew and Jinbe…

And that mutt of a daughter.

Hody’s lip curled in intrigue and disgust.

A half-breed? Really, Arlong?

If it wasn’t for Arlong pursuing those worthless humans in the name of justice, Hody would have thought he had gone soft. There must have been something to the mutt, for such a great man to see value in dirty blood. Hody had only seen her on occasion, Arlong’s brief visits never bringing her to the slums.

Hody felt… conflicted about that. On the one hand, he understood.

The slums were unkind to anyone. Let alone half-breeds, rare as they were.

But on the other… did Arlong view this mutt as better than this place?

How? With such filth in her blood, how could Arlong think such thoughts?

And here she was again, this time carried by Jinbe.

Even from a distance, Hody could see how the small girl’s lips were pressed into a wobbly line, eyes tearful.

Good. She knows something of the value they’d all lost at least.

Hody listened close to see why Jinbe had returned rather than raze the humans alongside Arlong—though he knew Jinbe had always been softer than his counterpart.

The mutt had taken Fisher Tiger’s passing hard, and the leave of her ‘father’ harder still. Her teeth were messed up and no one was willing to risk the venom to pull them out. Hody Jones frowned, rubbing his own jaw thoughtfully.

Must be those weak human genes. A proper shark would have shed them by now. She probably just needed a good knock across the face to loosen them. Of course, given Jinbe’s well known softness and his size, the man had neglected to do so already. He likely wouldn’t take the suggestion well either, not that Hody felt he was close enough to the man to advise such a thing.

Arlong, perhaps. If he hadn’t thought of it already. But Jinbe? No.

Even if it pissed Hody off to see the mutt weeping so incessantly, it was hardly his place to assist or advise. Some suffering would do the welp good anyway. Toughen up that weak, tainted blood. At least she didn’t look too human. Had that going for her at least. Muddy gray skin splotched with pink from her weeping about the best indication Hody could see without getting any closer what a mutt she was.

If Hody had to be around it for any real length of time though, he made no promises to not fix the issue himself. It wouldn’t even be hard—likely harder to not break that weak jaw than anything else.

--*--

It would be a stretch to say that Whitebeard’s crew was wholeheartedly welcome at Fishman Island. Their captain was good friends with King Neptune at this point, so they could dock with little issue. But they were to behave themselves. Any trouble would see them scrubbing toilets for a year using their own toothbrush. Or worse.

Thatch, having recently been promoted to sous-chef under the aging commander of the fourth division, was having a blast.

Fishman Island was a unique place with more fishman and mermaids than you could shake a stick at! He was behaving though! He barely even drooled at all the lovely mermaids he saw working and living their daily lives. Certain that, while used to human men ogling them, they’d not be terribly receptive to any attempt on his part to charm them. Marco ambling alongside him like it was nothing, the two of them looking for a place to sample the local cuisine.

Naturally, they stopped at a mermaid café, but it was clearly popular so it totally wasn’t because the waitresses were all mermaids!

Thatch would deny it until his dying day that his heart stuttered at the lovely, smiling faces that greeted them. So sue him! He loves his family, but they’re not beautiful mermaid women, now are they? Half of them can’t seem to master washing their own ass, it’s no wonder they needed an hour long lecture from Marco to behave.

Thatch also kindly ignored the implication of Marco specifically going with him over anyone else.

The café was bustling though, quickly drawing Thatch’s attention away from the beautiful women. Nearly every table was occupied, the waitresses shuffling back and forth with food and drinks to keep up with demand. The hostess smiled, dark eyes only just betraying what a long day it had been and Thatch felt a little ashamed at his momentary gawking. At least he didn’t make a complete ass of himself.

“Table for two, please.” Marco smiled brightly, holding up his hand in greeting. Thatch reflexively smiled as well, taking in the delicious smell of what seemed to be soup. Perhaps the special of the day? He couldn’t wait to try it!

The woman, glanced down at her podium and frowned, marker hovering over what must have been the seating chart. Crescent shaped shark tail swaying with a hint of anxiety before she looked up at them.

“I can seat you two now but… perhaps you’d prefer to wait another fifteen minutes for a different table?” She asked softly, her voice sad as she glanced over her shoulder to what appeared to be the only open area.

There was a corner booth and the surrounding two booths and table were empty. In the corner booth was a small child in a booster seat, head buried in their arms with fluffy white hair jerking. Clearly, they were crying. Paper and crayons scattered in front of them with a neglected cup near their elbow. Thatch frowned, heart aching for the poor kid.

He understood why the tables were empty, though not why the kid was crying for so long the busy café effectively bubbled them in isolation.

“Aw, are they okay?” Thatch came closer to the hostess and asked with concern, keeping his voice down. The mermaid sighed.

“That’s Melody. My niece. She’s… having a hard time right now.” She looked at them, gaze lingering on Marco’s tattoo openly displayed before she relaxed. “Fisher Tiger was her uncle… my foolish brother went to take revenge and left Melody with Jinbe. There’s something wrong with her teeth but no dentist will see her so he’s out trying to find someone that will.” Thatch felt his face fall.

Oh, the poor kid. Thatch could remember having a toothache when he was young and couldn’t understand how his whole face hurt that much from just a little bit of bone.

“Why won’t they see her?” Marco asked, ever the doctor even when he was out of the med bay. The hostess squirmed, uncomfortable and upset.

“Mostly, it’s because she’s… half. But it’s also dangerous… look, do you want to wait or not?” she asked, abruptly changing the subject while they reeled that the kid was half human. “It’ll be about fifteen minutes before another table is empty.”

“Can we sit with her?” Thatch asked gently. “Maybe we can’t do anything about her teeth, but some company might be nice while you’re busy.”

Sure, they weren’t really that skilled in taking care of kids, but there was no way they could wait around while one was crying her eyes out. They weren’t monsters, like apparently all the dentists on the island were.

The hostess though, narrowed her eyes at them. Weighing them individually until she looked back one last time to the poor kid. She snatched up two menus and jerked her head for them to follow.

When she got to the table, she leaned over and brushed aside the girl’s hair, nearly whispering.

“Hey, pup. Would you like company while I work? These two are Whitebeard Pirates, they’re friends of King Neptune.” Thatch looked over at the half finished drawings. Vaguely recognizing the waitress by her crescent tail. There was a few of what may be a man with a jagged nose he also faintly recognized, accompanied by a caricature of the kid in question and a big, blue ball in a robe.

There was a red man with black hair scribbled over harshly, paper scrunched up into nearly a ball that, given the context, may very well be the poor girl’s uncle.

The girl sniffled, lifting her head to look at them curiously. Gray skin a ruddy red with the brightest ruby eyes he’d ever seen between thick clumps of bangs tipped black like her fingers. Her face was a mess of snot and tears, lips seeming to glow blue as the hostess sighed, pulling out a rag and tenderly wiping her face.

Thatch crouched down, resting his chin on his arms.

“Hey, sweetie. You don’t mind a few pirates joining your table, do you?” Thatch asked softly. She sniffled, looking at his hair curiously.

“…does it grow like that?” she asked hoarsely and Thatch grinned, hearing Marco snort.

“Nah! I—”

“He spends a whole hour fixing his hair like that. Preens all day to make sure it stays in place.” Marco cut him off in amusement. Thatch squawked in protest but the kid giggled, voice watery.

“They’re funny. Like Hat-cha, can they stay, Auntie Shar?” she asked quietly. The woman in question sighed, brushing a hand through the kid’s hair.

“You sure?” she nodded.

“Eating alone isn’t as fun.”

Now that was a sentiment Thatch could get behind.

The hostess gave them a stern look but slid the menus on the opposite side of the booth.

“You’re waitress will be here shortly.” It sounded like a threat.

Probably was.

Thatch could feel eyes on his back as he slid against the wall and picked up the menu.

“I’m Thatch, and this goof is Marco… got any recommendations?” Thatch asked with a charming smile, the kid still crying softly despite her mood clearly lifting with the company.

“The soup is good but ah have ta have clear. Can’t chew right now with my teeth broke. It hurts but auntie lets me drink it with a silly straw.” She informed them with a crooked smile. Thatch nearly winced when he saw several teeth clearly broken. Strangely, bead of blue liquid pooling down the pearly whites. “’M sick too. It sucks.” She pouted.

Thatch’s heart really went out to the poor kid. Sick, dental problems, and mourning? Yikes.

Marco nodded though.

“Soup sounds good. Clear soup is good for you too. I’m sure you’ll get better in no time.” Marco affirmed gently, though he was definitely curious about why she was in a café rather than resting in bed somewhere. Or conked out on medicine until they resolved her teeth. Maybe she was too young to take anything?

Regardless, they mostly minded their business and ordered their food under the watchful eye of an eel-mermaid waitress. Thatch asking if he can draw with the kid while they waited. Thoughtfully, she agreed and offered to share her favorite colors with him if he wanted, which Thatch accepted with the gravitas of being offered kingship. For a toddler, it was about the same anyway.

Marco spent his time picking on Thatch for having worse coloring skills than a toddler—it was a good time.

Even if the food was shit, Thatch would have to say this was his favorite café meal so far.

Until they brought their food and Thatch nearly had a heart attack. The waitress sliding a bowl of nearly clear liquid in front of the kid. Bits of vegetables floating in the mixture, including mushrooms that were incredibly deadly. Deep red with a yellow stem sliced into thin strips, innocently twirling around the silly straw.

Before Thatch could toss the bowl away from the still crying little girl, a hand was shoved in front of his face. Bowl of soup offered to him—poisonous mushroom free.

“Her dietary requirements are a little… different.” The eel-mermaid explained with a look of understanding. “We don’t know what kind of shark she is, but whatever it is, they apparently eat poisonous things regularly. And produce venom—Shyarly spoke of issues getting a dentist? Well, one nick and they’d be risking their lives. Alongside her… heritage, well… it’s no wonder none are jumping to assist.”

“Ah, is that what that blue liquid is? Fascinating?” Marco commented blithely, easily accepting the wild information with intrigue. He looked thoughtful though. Perhaps wondering if his own devil fruit would be helpful.

But Marco was hardly a dentist and intervening without asking the kid’s guardians would go poorly.

Thatch could only imagine how well it would be taken if a grown man just stuck his hand into a toddler’s mouth and started plucking teeth. Thatch grimaced at the mental image and just ate his soup.

It was good. Savory and clearly well made.

He’d need to ask after the recipe! His family would love it!

[cawdra]

Good question, @avvielalame-blog

GATHER 'ROUND, FOR I HAVE A STORY TO TELL ABOUT MY WEIRD HOSPITAL OPIOID TRIP THAT MADE ME HALLUCINATE NEW GOOD OMENS EPISODES:

Last year I went to the hospital. It was some cyst (idk the medical lingo), and it was painful af. They gave me some sort of strong opioid (again, no idea what the medical lingo is, but I think it was Buprensomethingsomething). Mind you, I was on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds, but I hadn't taken them for almost a week, cuz I couldn't get out of my bed the whole time (before I eventually went to the hospital). I told them I was off that medication, and because the prescription is pretty old, they gave me the painkillers. TURNS OUT THE FUCKING MEDS WERE NOT OUT OF MY SYSTEM YET!!! So uhhh... yeah.

(If you don't know, mixing these two things can be very dangerous because they can raise dopamine levels too high or something, which is INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS!!! I'm a pretty large person, so this didn't hit me that hard (and also I was off the meds for longer than 24 hours), but if I was slightly less of a fatass and more of a responsible medicine taker, I might have actually been comatosed.)

Anyway, I was riding high that night. I didn't have anything else to do, so after seeing a good omens edit, my first thought was, "That seems gay. I'm in." So I turned on Prime and watched it all in one night. It's not like I was going to sleep in a ward full of screaming people anyway, so might as well make the most of it. The nurses told me to sleep, but I told them I wasn't sleepy, so they just gave me my antibiotics and, whatever else, took my temp and walked out. Did they care about the gay shit I was watching on my phone? No, they've seen worse.

Anyway, I watched the show, ugly cried for like an hour (harder than I did from the cyst that was torturing me for about a week), and then went to sleep at around 2 pm. When I woke up, I, as a responsible queer, decided to rant about it to my friends. After telling them all those things, one of my friends (who actually watched the show with his sister) said, "Are you sure the anesthesia didn't scramble your brain, cuz none of that happened lol."

When I tell you I was DEVISTATED!!! Literally a "You... you serious?" moment. Cried almost as much as I did at the ending.

Also, if you want to know: I had a dream about how the Ineffable Husbands teamed up with some nun (who was as much of a nun as she was a saint - only on a technicality) and they made her carry the Second Coming, which eventually got her kicked off the nunnery of whatever cuz 'These days, if you get pregnant as a nun, you won't be called ‘The Virgin Sarah’ or ‘The Virgin Linda’. You will be called ‘a common whore’. So much for being a virgin.' (Quote from my fanfic (and the weird opioid trip).

I don't know what the rest of the dream was because Mr. Party Pooper (aka my friend JK Juno ily (^з^)-☆) cut me off because I was talking nonsense.

Long story short, the painkillers got out of my system, I took my meds, renewed the prescription, and went on my still-on-going recovery journey.

Did I suffer two heartbreaks in less than 12 hours? Yes. Were they worth it? Eh. I mean, it inspired my fanfic, but wasn't THAT worth it. Did I enjoy my trip? No, I threw up, had diarrhea, and then constipation for two weeks.

I still get an awful surprise when I rewatch Good Omens for a specific scene, only to find out AGAIN that I was just hallucinating.

Moral of the story - don't do drugs and be honest with your doctors and nurses cuz you might actually die.

Anyways, TOODLES!!1!!111!!!

~ CAwdra

[downtoncoquetteroach]

Summary: Reader and Fred are confused about last night, reader is a little bit too sensitive but she encounters the right person to hang out with. Neville deserves a personality so I gave him one, hope you like it.

Pairing: Neville Longbottom x Fem reader

Fred Weasley x Fem reader

Notes:

This ended up being way longer than what I thought, sorry but I love slow burn. No smut this time just fluff and angst.

Also no Fred, just a lazy autumn Sunday.

TW: self harm, anxiety, self deprecating reader. Also not encouraging marihuana use. They wore ugly sweaters the hole time.

Words account: 2,302

Chapter One

You can also find this work on AO3 ✨

Chapter Two:

Secrets under the covers 🌼🪄

Y/n woke up at 5am not knowing what had happened, why was she half dressed half naked? A random blanket covering her, bed messy...HOLY FUCK DID SHE? Godric's beard, she did, didn't she? The muscular pain she was feeling confirmed everything.

She dressed herself before pulling the curtains and with a lot of effort, managed to get in the loo without waking up her dormates. She looked at herself in the mirror through the darkness. She saw herself confused, a mess, in and out. What happened after...? Did she just fall asleep?. Obviously Fred couldn't stay so, no reason to freak out about it, he wasn't there and that was not a bad thing, just a normal reaction to her falling asleep after giving him her virginity. Y/n decided to clean her tears and wash herself a little before coming back to bed, where she revolved, overthinking until the sun was up.

It was a Sunday so it was a relief that she didn't have to go to classes and face him in front of everyone in the great hall, that would have been a bit to fucking much given the fact that she didn't knew the state of their now relationship (?) She obviously expected him to make the first move, her dignity didn't allow her to do anything else. So she waited in her dorm for him to come and say good morning or check on her, but it was almost noon and her stomach was the only thing demanding attention. Now y/n wasn't only hurt, but starving.

Fred was awfully quiet the whole morning, internally suffering some blockage, ignoring everything and everyone around and only reacting vaguely to Lee and George. They assumed it was just a hangover but after breakfast they confronted him.

Did someone nicked your wand brother? You are acting like Hagrid's slugs after a class with Malfoy.

No, I dunno, I reckon I did something awfully stupid last night

What was it? You said no more sneaking into Snape's den by yourself

No! It's not that, it's just-

Fred's heart stopped, Y/n was coming out of the great hall, walking without any direction, slowly, lost in her own thoughts, getting dreadfully close to their spot on the grass. George followed his twin gaze and immediately knew.

No you didn't

Shut Up

You knob head! What did you do to her? She's literally an angel and you knew she was in love with you, you said you weren't ready

Shut it George!

Fred was literally screaming in whispers and that caught y/n's attention, their eyes locked for some seconds but then she turned away visibly pissed.

George hit Fred on the head.

You, me, quidditch pitch NOW!

Y/N was swallowing her tears, she couldn't let anyone seeing her like this, they would know she was a fool. An easy one. She was feeling extremely self conscious, she was ugly and naive and boring and stupid. Fred's expression was tattooed on her brain, the feeling that she wasn't wanted, ugh. Loud evil thoughts screaming all of her flaws, everyone's eyes were on her, she was painfully digging her nails on her hand to prevent public crying when she ran into on Neville.

Oh h- hi Y/n, how's your day?

She looked at his eyes, not knowing what to say, and started crying.

Blimey, y/n did I hurt you? Wanna go to Madame Pomfrey? I can carry you if you need me to! Please don't cry I didn't mean it! I'm sorry!

Neville was freaking out, his tender words making her cry even harder, all of the things she wanted Fred to say were coming out from Neville's mouth as if he knew exactly what she needed. It was ridiculous. This whole situation was rubbish.

Nev, no! It's not you, I'm sorry, its fine. I'm fine.

Y-you don't look fine. Sorry I mean

yeah I know, it's just complicated.

They stood in silence for a moment, finally Neville got an idea.

C-come with me, I'll show you something.

Y/n was cleaning her tears with her sleeve. Considering Neville's proposition. She didn't wanted to be alone on the dorm again or worse, at the common room, so she agreed.

Neville guided her to the most predictable of all places at Hogwarts: the greenhouse. She hided a smile, it was such a Neville move to assume some plants would make her feel better. She appreciated the gesture tho, he could have just ignore her or mock and leave. But she knew Neville was not that kind of guy. However, she was wrong about him, he hadn't just took her to see some weird plants moving, they were in a hidden corner of the greenhouse, looking at a blanket behind a table full of dirt and seeds.

What are we supposed to...

Shhh

Neville crouched and removed the blanket with great care and 3 small kitties appeared inside a box.

Y/n died of tenderness, to Neville's satisfaction she looked so much better than before, her energy totally shifted while she carefully tried to got closer to the sleeping creatures. They had been born 2 weeks earlier in the greenhouse, their mom sadly didn't make it through so Professor Sprout and him had been looking out for the baby's.

He sat on the ground and made a space for y/n, she followed and beamed on the little fellows.

She looked like a totally different person now, it was one of his favorite things to see. People could change so much according to their emotions, they could be totally different persons through the day, so he always had to check on them before interacting. Something inside him told him that he could trust her so, he took out his tiny can and started to roll up.

Y/n was mesmerized, she loved cats so much and had always wanted one of her own but her mother was totally against it. It took her a few minutes to look away and noticed what Neville was doing. She was shocked.

I- if it makes you feel uncomfortable I can save it for later.

She couldn't say a word. Neville was about to put his stash away when she forced herself to speak

N-No! Uhm, it's ok it's just, I never thought you-

Its just a plant, I look it up! Compared to some day use potions it's harmless you know.

I know, I've tried some back home with my childhood friends, it's just that it's kinda illegal for muggles, and very rebellious of you.

Neville laughed, he was way more confident than ever, y/n couldn't believe it, he seemed like a whole different guy. "It's always the quiet ones" her grandma has said. She watched him concentrated in the task, effortlessly rolling a joint with his long delicate fingers, such a beautiful hands made her think of Fred. Damn, remembering so suddenly only made things worst, his face while he looked at her half hour ago made her stomach turn in the worst way. Well not the worst at least it wasn't diarrhea...

Neville noticed her vibe changing, her face holding a weird expression.

Do you want to talk about it?

She stared at him, pulling her out of her dumb thoughts. How did he knew?

Are you some sort of legilimency master or something?

He just smiled

Neville Longbottom was a year younger than y/n. They were very cordial on each other, not precisely friends because he wasn't at any of her classes but, she had always had a soft spot for him, because of his family tragedy and the struggle's he had at school. He often forgot about the password to get in the common room so she was always checking on him so he wouldn't be out for too long. She hated people bullying him.

He stopped smiling and rolling, locked his gaze on her and said something that felt like a dash of cold water

You know, I saw what happened last night.

Y/n couldn't hide her disturbance, her lips parted a little bit while he carefully continued

I mean, I saw Fred following you after you left the couch, did he did something to you?

Y/n was still trying to process the sudden revelation, she felt so embarrassed, of course someone watched, probably everyone knew by now, she was feeling hot, shame crawling over her skin, about to dig her nails on her skin to prevent crying again when he put his hand on her's

I- It's ok, I didn't mean to intrude, it's just... even if I like Fred, even if he is someone I look up for, If he hurt you or anything I'll

No! He didn't, don't worry, Im fine, really.

Uhm, ok, you sure?

Yeah, sure Neville, who would have guessed you'll be such a knight on a horse, look at you, hiding all of these personality traits.

Y/n was used to mask her emotions quite well, at least most of the time and even if he make her feel safe, she didn't wanted to spoil the moment by ranting about Fred's horrid actions. She wanted to have some fun, and a spliff with Longbottom was something to tell the kids.

He observed her for a moment and carried on, getting the shit done once and for all.

After some smokes away from the kitties they got back to their sits besides them. Neville had turned on the old record player and after some minutes, a whimsical song started playing with a female voice filling the air. The greenhouse felt like it was coming more alive, the golden light of the autumn sun falling through the glass. Neville was smiling, y/n had her eyes full of sweet dreamy light, the sun hitting perfectly on them while she saw all of the things he loved revealing themselves for her for the first time.

He had always thought that there was some sort of unnamed magic on sharing the things that you loved with someone else.

You know y/n, I'm sure that one of the reasons we are alive is to be understood.

Y/n turned her head away from him and started shaking violently, hands on her face, not a sound coming out.

Hey what's wrong!

Neville was trying to pull her hands out of her face to see if she was choking or something but then she finally managed to laugh out loud and roll on the floor

Ugh, though you were dying or something

She laughed harder

"You can go on your own way" as he said, Neville exclaimed.

Y/n was still trying to recover but put some attention to the song

I don't want to shaking up you know, I wanted him to be my boyfriend, not just fucked him

Neville's face went full red

So, I'm truly the last virgin on Hogwarts? Cheers.

Oh no Neville don't say that, there are first years that haven't -

Neville laughed

Shut it you damn creep

They fall in silent again, and some fierce song filled the room.

Damn Neville that's good, what is it?

Fleetwood Mac, it's American.

I had never ever heard of them, are they new?

Nah

How did you came to have such a gourmet taste in music?

Ahm, this is my mother's, she kinda lent it to me.

Y/n felt silent, the weight of Neville's words falling over her, she knew what had happened to Neville's parents, she found out one day from professor McGonagall talking to Madam Rosmerta on the Three broomstick s. Y/n had felt so much sorrow for it all.

Neville felt the need to fill the silent

L-last nights record was mine too you know, Andromeda Black send it to my mother as a gift some years ago.

Oh wow, really?

Yeah, she's like a muggle record dealer for wizards with strange interests.

Y/n was lying on the floor looking at the clouds through the ceiling windows. Neville was such a bad ass behind the scenes, he was probably the coolest kid in the whole school

How can you be so cool? You are not even trying, it's so not fair Longbottom.

He felt a twist inside his stomach, cheeks wildly blushing. One of the things he liked the most from y/n was that she always said the things she thought about people to their faces, specially compliments, must of the people would be embarrassed to say such nice things to others, scared of what they could interpret, but not y/n. She was brave and sweet at the same time.

It started to get dark, they were really hungry, exhausted from all the laughter.

Ugh I'm so hungry but I don't want to go and have dinner with all of the Gryffindor's. I'm usually with them and everyone will notice me not talking to them.

Neville had an idea.

Why don't you go to my room and wait, I'll bring us dinner.

Really? Would you do that?

Sure

Neville stood and helped Y/n who had sleeping legs, he made her run and the laughed all the way up to the castle.

They had a great dinner, never shutting up about their favorite desserts, records and bands, the fact that Neville didn't knew that much about muggle concerts or y/n didn't knew about the wizard's society because she was a muggle born.

They pulled the curtains and made a silence spell to avoid Ron and the others, prolonging their now sleepover.

They were awfully comfortable, a weird feeling of belonging pulling them. They felt like they had known each other all their lives. They fell asleep while they shared secrets under the covers.

[alien-slushie]

Lucy worrying about her rent makes a lot of sense and I don't like that people point it out when they say they don't like her or call her annoying because of it.

As a person who has struggled with financial instability since childhood I understand that anxiety of not having enough money to make rent. And can we acknowledge the fact that Lucy was likely homeless for at least a year?

The way I see it: Lucy grew up in luxury, her entire childhood estate was about big enough for a small town, and then unable and unwilling to deal with her father's emotional abuse and neglect she ran away. Now I'm pretty sure she was able to take some money or some things from the estate in order to sell for money, but likely not enough to last anfull year of living while she was running from her father and in fear of him finding her(and her dream of joining Fairy Tail) she probably could not settle down in one place. So immediately she's on the street, unfamiliar with the common world, and homeless at 16. Her time on the street was probably very hard for her to adjust to. For one she probably didn't know how to blend in and had to ask for help on what was considered normal clothing, she was moving around a lot and not many people would hire a 16 year old so she probably couldn't find very many jobs, she probably had to take public mage jobs for mages without guilds(which I'll assume doesn't pay as musch as the jobs sent to guilds). She could probably only barely scrape together enough money for food, essentials, and travel and learned to use her body in order to get discounts in order to save what money she could.

Not to mention wizards do not have a consistent pay, depending on what jobs they take some pay more, some pay less, and "Team Natsu" barely get the full payment because of their recklessness, which leads to more instability.

The point of this is: Lucy gets too much shit when she is literally fucking amazing, and she was dealt a harder hand then people realise.

I'm not saying she had a harder time than Erza or Natsu or Gray or anything like that, comparing people's traumas and what they've been through is just plain wrong, but I see so many people call her weak, or slutty for using her body for things and what she wears, or all these other things and she just doesn't deserve that kind of slander.

Lucy is a strong, intelligent, resourceful, and bad-ass woman with the beauty of a Goddess and if she hit me I would thank her.

[saerintv]

hello ~ this is queued because i'll probably be asleep by the time the rp opens but didn't want to miss out on the fun! i'm adore ( she/her, 25+, cst ) and this is saerin, the legend skeleton and a spitfire that's just here so she won't get jailed fined. note that as harsh as i make her seem, she knows that she has to play nice in order to survive, especially with 105fm on them so! here is her profile page, but an easy breezy version of everything will be below. please like if you'd like to plot and i'll hit you up, discord is preferred and available upon request ♡

background ⏤ ( if this sounds messy forgive me, it's like 2am 😭 )

hwang saerin, 23, gymnast, the legend skeleton

comes from a wealthy family that has gymnastics in their blood, father is a former gymnastic olympian who was not able to medal and mother is a coach ( those who can't, coach, right? ) so as soon as she showed an inkling of an ability at tumbling their hopes and dreams were immediately pushed upon her

which for the most part was fine, because she didn't know any better

parents threw their wealth to get her the best everything, coaches / gyms, training, on call sports medicine doctors ⏤ you name it, she got it

and tbh it actually paid off! a natural ability plus hard work and money is an unbeatable combo it seems. she wasn't simone biles type of dominant but she had a grace and power that was unmatched, and wasn't afraid to push herself to the limit, and was able to rack up golds and medals wherever she went. quite literally poised to be the next big thing

she was known for her prowess but also for her attitude as well; got used to getting golds that when she didn't

enough so that she made her international senior debut at 17, then was recruited for the national team at 19. the 2020 olympics was supposed to be her debut. key word being supposed.

despite her immense talent, she always had doubts and somewhat of an imposter syndrome that she never talked about and pushed into the crevices; but the closer it got to the olympics the harder it got to push those thoughts away. it affected her enough that she started getting the twisties. and unfortunately, you can't throw money at this type of problem to make it go away.

the worse she performs, the worse her parents relationship gets ⏤ not that it was great to begin with, but anyway. one month before the olympics, she gets two bombs dropped upon her during a three way argument with her parents: her mom was having an affair with her current coach, and she was adopted. so you can imagine that her mental health went from bad to absolute shit at this point

she makes attempts to push through because the team is pretty much at tokyo at this point, but it's affecting her too much. before they could tell her that an alternate was going in her place because her bad performance was getting dangerous, she disappears from the olympic village two weeks before the opening ceremonies. doesn't tell anyone, just catches the next flight out of tokyo to ibiza. no plans, no thoughts, just vibes.

of course the team alerts her parents that she's gone and she does contact them, but saerin says she's done. no more gymnastics, too much shit has gone down for her to even get in the right mindset to compete anymore. eventually comes back to korea, and gets diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder which helps her situation ( it does not )

anyway her parents aren't completely heartless and do feel like shit, they do have a talk with her and let her be considering she's 20 and hasn't had a chance at a normal life.

but uh ... you can imagine how reckless a girl who hasn't had to face any consequences could be when the shackles are off her feet and the world is now her oyster lol. she lays low and spends more time traveling than anything and stays tf away from anything sports related. anyway one time a party with socialites got a little too rowdy and she had a little too much to drink which ended up with her getting into a scuffle and with a battery charge.

she expects her parents to get her out of it ( wouldn't be the first time ), but instead they tell her to go to jail or bring home a gold. she thinks about jail for two seconds but decides to put the shackles on once again when they tell her that all they ask is to bring home a gold and they won't ask her to do gymnastics ever again. a fair deal with that, she thinks.

she's 21 then, so it does take some time for her to get back into competing shape, but not as long as she originally thought it would. she's back on the national team in no time. physically, the time off has done her well. mentally? we'll see.

personality wise ⏤

aries sun, aries moon, capricorn rising. "you think i'm a bitch? well you're not that wrong."

she's not here to make friends, just here to do her damn routines, get a medal and fucking go

i feel like if you knew her prior to olympic debut she was less angry. kept to herself still but more starry eyed and pliant. now? since she's had the taste of freedom, to go back into the rigidity that is gymnastics is hard. not sure if she wants to get used to it.

openly confrontational. her dialogue is straightforward and blunt, one of those people who thinks "being real" is above everything. "i said what i said" vibes.

ambitious, but also impulsive and reckless. spoiled and independent? self absorbed. you get the point.

but like i said before she knows she can't come in guns blazing and fuck the world, so she is playing nice to be a part of the team. if you're not a threat, then she can seem aloof. if you are, then she's passive aggressive.

this is all a shield for her anxiety. when it gets bad she lashes out.

but she's not all bad, i promise! if you're able to befriend her then you've got a bull in your corner. she'll fight your battles for you. tbh show her any ounce of love and she'll grab on the point that she stifles it. in her own way?

phew! almost done i promise! onto some plots off the top of my head ⏤

enemies / rivals ⏤ while yeah there's the legacy, i imagine with her personality she's got a lot of people that's not in her corner, and i think it would be fun to play out!

biological siblings ⏤ i mentioned in the bio that she found out she's adopted, but i forgot to mention that she did find her biological family during her 2 years away from gymnastics. it'd be super interesting if her sibling was on the national team too! obviously more plotting needed as this can go several ways.

ride or die ⏤ she's in need of at least one ( 1 ) good friend. someone she'd fight for, y'know? would be even more interesting ( but not required ) if they were opposite in personality too. opposites attract!

sneaky link or toxic rls ⏤ idk, on and off rls, friends w benefits, or something of the sort. girl is high strung and is need of a release that's legal and won't wreck her body. or it could, wink wink. she's bisexual, by the way!

and that's all i can think of, i do much better brainstorming really!

[bisexualseraphim]

15 questions

Tagged by the lovely @butmakeitgayblog cheers love ☺️

Were you named after anyone?

Nope! My mum just liked the meaning of my birth name and had an interest in name meanings. All my new names (yes I have several) have just been because I thought they sounded cool.

Do you have kids?

HA! No. And definitely never will. I’d be the worst dad 🥴

When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday lol, I started my first ever proper job and was shitting myself with anxiety. It went well though!

What sports have you played/do you play?

I was a dodgeball champion in primary school before I got chronically ill! Played a bit of football too (real football not that poundshop rugby Americans play 😒) and I do miss it a little but not much to be done about it I suppose. I had fun while it lasted!

Do you use sarcasm?

Nah I’ve been around over 2 decades and have never been sarcastic in my life

First thing you notice about people?

This sounds faggy as fuck but their smile 😅 Where I live people are so miserable that when someone has a lovely smile it’s so noticeable to me haha

Scary movies or happy endings?

Ooh cheeky question! I looove horror movies and they’ve been a huge special interest of mine since I was probably too young to be watching them 🤭 BUT I do love a happy ending IF it feels earned. So I guess it depends! But scary movies overall I think.

What are your hobbies?

Reading, writing, playing instruments, video games, watching movies, just chatting with friends.

What is your eye colour?

Fuck knows genuinely, I had a friend whom after years of knowing me one day suddenly screamed OH MY GOD YOUR EYES ARE BLUE WHAT THE FUCK on a sunny day so. Call me Alycia Debnam Carey cos my eye colour changes with the weather apparently 🧿🧿

Any talents?

Ummm I mean I guess I technically class as a multi-instrumentalist but I don’t think I’m that great at any of them 😅 The one thing I know for certain I’m good at is writing but I hardly bloody do it 🥴

Where were you born?

I have dual citizenship because I was born outside the EU and that’s all I’ll say 😌

Do you have any pets?

I did have a lovely sweet kitty whom I had since I was little and she was a kitten, meaning we literally grew up together, but she sadly passed away in January and it’s hit me harder than anything else in my life 😞 I think I’m finally ready to accept another baby into my life though so we’ll see if that works out!

How tall are you?

Just under 5’7 when the weight of being a trans disabled queer man in the UK isn’t compressing my spine

Favourite subject in school?

Definitely Film Studies and Media Studies! I also loved French (still do!) and Religious Studies was the highlight of my day because my teacher was a fuckin legend. Miss that fella every day honestly

Dream job?

I want to be a published author that has a semi-decent fanbase. I don’t need to be on Neil Gaiman levels of fame, I just want more than like 20 people to read and enjoy my stories 😊

I’ll go ahead and tag @lexa-griffins @dysphoria-things @northern-punk-lad @sadiewayne @reallygroovyninja @dreamsaremywords and anyone else who’d like to do it! Just make sure you tag me 😘

[its-ticsticstics]

Hey, I saw your post on things that can give you tics and what can’t and I have a few questions.

About 1/2 a year ago I developed tics, and I mean BAD. Happened over the course of a few days and it hit me like a damn semi (mainly because I’m in middle school in a small town and people are assholes, they’ve chilled out by now though).

A few months ago I went in to see a professional psychologist (at least I think that’s what he was, it’s something along the lines of that), when I got my results back I was told that the only things I had were minor ADHD, depression, and severe social anxiety. I was told that literally all of my major issues (unable to stay still, randomly going nonverbal, inability to make eye contact, and the tics) were because of the anxiety and now I’m seeing a bunch of posts like yours and I really don’t know who to believe.

Could you maybe provide me with a few articles so I can figure, like, figure a few things out?

(Also I would like to add that I have 41 tics as of current)

Hope I’m not being too too much of a bother/rude! Have a good day/night/afternoon.

(One more thing, I am writing this on 2 hours of sleep so anything I said that was stupid/grammar mistakes can be blamed on that)

First!

I can't diagnose you, but in my almost (haven't graduated from uni yet) professional opinion would to get a Cunningham blood panel test for PANS/PANDAS/BGE.

The sudden onset paired with periods of mutism (inability to speak) along with tics sounds like the source could be brain inflammation in the very early stages.

If a blood test rules this out, it could just be the classic Tourettic Triad of symptoms of ADHD/OCD/ASD but this would also need to be diagnosed by a neurologist. Reading about tics is not enough to give yourself a diagnosis- it is a neurological disorder and not the same as self diagnosing ADHD or autism. People can DIE from misdiagnosed tics.

Unfortunately, especially those who are AFAB, are likely to be misdiagnosed and have a harder time being diagnosed with a tic disorder or Tourettes than AFAB counterparts.

The fact that you weren't sent to a neurologist to evaluate your symptoms is medical neglect and you deserved better.

Second-

The argument that anxiety can't cause tics really comes from the fact that there are NO studies to prove anxiety causes tics. There are no studies to say they don't, because there is no clinical or scientific evidence that they do in the first place. It's sort of like asking "use scientific studies to prove to me that Santa Claus doesn't exist" .. You can't find those studies because everyone already knows Santa Clause doesn't exist so no one does a study on that in the first place. In this scenario, anxiety tics and Santa Claus are the same thing.

All studies agree that anxiety can worsen EXISTING tics, but none say that anxiety alone c a u s e s tics. Those are two very very different things. Ticcing when anxious does not mean being anxious makes you tic, it means that being anxious worsens and makes noticable tics that you already have.

What I can give resources to though, are genuine Tourettes and Tic Disorder websites:

[jonillaa]

hii !!! I love your writing and fanfics!! They're the best I binge read them at night everytime fr...but anyways can I get Jo doing your makeup? Like you wanted to hang out with your bf and you want him to do your makeup! You guide him and he gently tries to put makeup on you, blush, eyeshadow, eyebrows, and foundation, you turn out to be a clown but you guys laugh about it !! 😊😊😊

DUVET ┊ asakura jo

PAIRING ┊ jo x f!reader

GENRE ┊ fluff

WC ┊ 668

WARNINGS ┊ classic friends to lovers plot (kinda idk they like each other tho) , not proof-read , lowercase intended!!

SYNOPSIS ┊ it’s jo’s day off, and you find yourself missing him a little too much. in an attempt to spend some time together, you invite him over and ask him to do your makeup. (and he ended up staining your duvet oops)

A/N ┊ i honestly could not come up with a title for this fic so it literally doesn’t match up at all but it’s okay cuz it’s jo!! 😜

jo had finally managed to secure a rare day off from his hectic schedule. he was looking forward to spending some quality time catching up on his favorite anime and indulging in a much-needed break—a break he definitely deserved. little did he know how soon that plan would change.

meanwhile, at your place, boredom was slowly consuming you. the dullness seemed to multiply exponentially, making the hours feel like days. suddenly, an idea struck you like lightning—a foolproof way to kill your boredom and maybe even spend some time with jo.

with your fingers flying across your phone's keyboard, you swiftly typed out a message, inviting jo over without mentioning your ulterior motives. you hit send, half-wondering if he would even consider your request.

but to your delight, jo replied almost instantly, his reply filled with his usual awkwardness: "oh uh, sure. i wasn't really doing anything anyway".

an excited flutter danced in your chest as you prepared for jo to arrive, making sure you had clean brushes and fresh makeup laid out. you couldn't help but feel a little nervous. jo may be your friend, but there was just something about him that made your heart race a little faster.

minutes later, the doorbell chimed, signaling jo’s arrival. you greeted him with a smile, trying to hide your nervousness.

"so, what's the plan for today?" jo asked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"we’re going to have some quality time," you replied, leading him to your bedroom.

confusion flashed across jo’s face, but he decided not to press the matter. after all, there were plenty of strange adventures you'd roped him into during your friendship.

upon entering your room, jo’s eyes landed on the chaos of makeup supplies spread across your dresser. his eyes widened comically.

"you’re not going to suggest i do your makeup, are you?" he asked, panic lacing his voice.

biting your lip, you let out a nervous chuckle. "uh, actually, that was exactly my plan."

jo stared at you, disbelief etched on his face. "you’re kidding, right?"

with a mischievous glint in your eyes, you shook your head. "nope, dead serious. come on jo, it'll be fun!"

you guided jo to sit in front of the vanity mirror, feeling a mix of anticipation and anxiety. jo looked both adorable and slightly terrified. he bit his lip, his gaze fixed on the soft brushes in front of him.

"okay, but no promises that it’ll come out good," jo mumbled, finally giving in.

for the next hour, jo followed your step-by-step instructions, his fingers trembling as he tried to recreate the makeup looks you were showing him. the room filled with laughter and comfortable silence, the two of you bantering and teasing each other throughout the process.

at one point, jo’s hand shook so badly that instead of applying mascara to your lashes, he ended up streaking black lines across your face. you burst into fits of laughter, clutching your stomach as jo scrambled to fix his mistake.

"this is harder than drawing," jo muttered sheepishly, his deep voice tinged with slight frustration.

as the afternoon wore on, jo’s initial awkwardness melted away, replaced by a newfound confidence. his touch became more sure, his strokes lighter and more delicate. but just as the two of you were nearing completion, disaster struck.

jo’s hand slipped, and a vibrant splatter of red lip tint landed squarely on your pristine white duvet.

his voice filled with panic, jo stammered, "i’m so sorry! i didn't mean to!"

you couldn't help but let out a small laugh, your eyes sparkling with mirth. "it's okay, jo. it’s just makeup. i can wash it off."

relief washed over his face, and he smiled. "i’ll buy you a new duvet cover, okay? i promise."

the mess on your duvet somehow solidified the bond between the two of you. jo’s apology was filled with genuine affection and concern that tugged at your heart, making you realize how much you meant to each other.

a/n 2 i feel like the ending is so awkward and out of place HELP IM SO SORRY. 😕

[eternitas]

Unseen Varia - Profiles

Leonard Schwalbe

Basic Info:

Full Name: Leonard Schwalbe

Nickname: Leo, Thunder Canon, tree

Age: 21 / 31 (TYL)

Birthday: 24th of June

Gender/Pronouns: cis male, he/him

Sexuality: pansexual

Ethnicity: german

Height: 196cm

Flametype: lightning

Weapon of Choice: flame powered canon gauntlets

Affiliation: Varia, Lightning division

Position: Hard Hitter

Languages: german (+SL), english (+SL), italian (+SL), serbian (+SL), russian (+SL), spanish (+SL), romanian, chinese mandarin, japanese (+SL)

Strengths: Literal physical strength, flame power, observant, kind and understanding, defensively strong, hand to hand combat

Weaknesses: communication (less his problem and more that it's still uncommon for many to know SL), way too kind and hates violence, spiders and bugs, ghosts and creepy stuff, indecisive on his own, avoids confrontations

Character Summary:

A common question among people who get to know Leo is: "What the hell is a soft teddybear like Leo doing in the Varia?!" The answer is simple as it is complicated: Sergey. Yes, Leo is a bit cowardly, he avoids conflict and doesn't like hurting people, but he is also incredibly loyal and kind. Once he becomes friends with someone he is tender and loyal and even dares to show that by opposing them if he deems what they do dangerous. He would do anything for the people he loves, overcoming anxiety and his fear for conflict, even ready to hurt others for the sake of his beloved. Outside of these extreme situations however he always tries to make everyone get along and make life a tad bit better for everybody. He is seen doing small things for others just to brighten their day and he has always an ear to leand and hugs to spare.

Background:

Leos family moved to italy when he and his older twin brother were still very young. His early memories is of making friends with a kid in his neighborhood and becoming close friends with him. That kid was Sergey. While Sergey was bright, Leo was always a bit more timid, hiding behind his brother or Sergey and easily driven to tears when it came to confrontations. He had always a soft inside and when his brother fell more and more ill it truly devastated Leo. So when his brother seemed to recover due to a new medication he was overjoyed. However as quickly as he became better his health also drastically deteriorated. Luis used a wheelchair and it was harder for Leo to find joy in life, seeing his brother getting sicker every day. This led to the incident-

[THIS PASSAGE WAS REDACTED]

--which led to him following Sergey. They both traveled from place to place, slowly accumilating fighting experience and Leo displaying more and more formidable physique by the day until he was able to demolish a wall with a single punch. While he was never someone who enjoyed conflict, he was ready to learn combat so he could stay by Sergeys side to make sure his best friend wouldn't slip further. This eventually led them both to the Varia where they applied. Leo almost didn't pass his evaluation, however due to his insane physical strength they took him.

Fighting Style:

Leo is as straightforward a fighter as they come. He uses his body to fight, specifically his fists. His punches are devastating and it often seems like his body is a fortress that can not be in any way damaged. He just takes attacks as if they're nothing. He may not be the fastest, but he is still flexible and more agile than many other boxers. He trained kickboxing primarily but he is also trained in other martial arts.

As a weapon he uses very specific gauntlets that like Xanxus gun absorb his flame energy and release them again. This has given him the rather appropriate name of "thunder cannon" as his first hit often manages to produce a sound akin to thunder, before it's followed by a release of his lightning flame energy.

(I don't like to make such comparrisons but this is a direct inspiration so, imagine Yang Xiao Longs guntlets, tho he can not use them to propell himself forward or send out hits through the air)

also lbr Montys fights are still amazing (May he rest in peace)

Trivia:

Leo is actually very beloved by animals and gets along great with them

As mentioned in Sergeys profile Leo and Ser got married once in a mission, only finding out it was legally binding afterwards and never reversing it. He still gets emberassed when he is called Sergeys husband.

In general Leo gets emberassed and flustered easily when it comes to romance and sexual stuff

Leo... can't keep his hair really that long because it reminds him of his brother that met a tragic end

Leo would murder for Sergey and that is not an understatement. If Sergey leaves the Varia, Leo follows, if Ser goes on a suicide mission, Leo will be there to protect him. They are truly soulmates

He is big into soccer and has a small whistle for cheering. He keeps up with the german and italian league and European and World championships are the hardest bc he wants to root for both national teams.

He used to play soccer and was middle field

Leo and Sergey are often seen together, especially because of the language barrier, but several members have started to learn italian sign language because of Leo

He gets along great with the lightnings second in command Jaque who helps him out when he is around

Leo is usually universally liked, due to his genuine kindness and care for others

He is the only one among Squad 4 that has not a box weapon, as he usually wears his gauntlets right off the bat.

Nobody has ever managed to seriously injure Leo during sparring or even in a fight. The one that came closest was Raphael.

His favourite animals are rabbits!

[broken-clover]

9- Safe

Getting into Crash Bandicoot was interesting. I've got a soft spot for mascot platformers and I was partly drawn in by Crash 4's lovely art style and was surprised by the bits of darker plot going on it, only to look back at the series and go 'wait what do you mean there's a guy with a missile embedded in his head who's kept alive solely by a life support system powered by the literal thing that's killing him are you sure this game is for kids'

Nonetheless I've developed a fondness for the series, and especially alternate Tawna. The more recent Crash games have had some really interesting character designs, I like it a lot.

This one's a bit darker than the others have been, hopefully this is the lowest it's going to get, but when you're involving the canonical deaths of your protagonists' alternate universe counterparts, it's a little more downbeat. Still, I tried not to get too dark or graphic with it

-

Nightmares weren’t really like they were in TV shows. You didn’t jerk awake like you’d been shot out of a cannon and hit any low-lying ceiling with your already-rattled head. She knew that from experience. Sometimes she wishes it did, because the ensuing pain would give you something else to think about.

The hut was too high-roofed to manage that, anyway. Crash and Coco had been all too willing to let her bunk on their couch for a few days. She wished they had turned her away, even though she knew they never would. Those two were the same in any universe.

Tawna fought back a shudder. It still felt all too fresh in her mind. That dream again, the one that had been popping up over and over for years now, never letting her get a moment’s rest from her own memories. Always the same, always the exact same feelings of helplessness and desperation, frozen in place and unable to do anything but look on in horror. She was close enough to see everything, yet just far away enough to do nothing-

Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around her chest and stared down the hall. They…they had to be fine, didn’t they? It was just a dream. Nothing could have happened to them, not to these bandicoots, not like…

A queasiness bubbled in the back of her throat. Forcing herself to stand, Tawna moved towards the bedroom as quietly as she could. All she could think about was every time she had physically reached out to them, tried to remind herself that they were real. Even the fur of their hands felt just like the Crash and Coco of her home dimension. They were so similar that it made it even easier to imagine them in the place of their own counterparts, both so strong but somehow so fragile.

She was already at their door. She tried to quell her anxieties with that. They weren’t far away from her. If something happened, she would be able to step in. She reached for the knob, tried to turn it.

It didn’t move.

“Wh-” she tugged on it a little harder, jiggling the metal to see if it would come loose. No such luck. Any calm she’d managed to give herself swiftly went out the window, and before she realized it, Tawna was rattling the thing as hard as she possibly could until the hinges thumped. “Come on, come on- !”

“Pardon me.”

She yelped, stumbling over herself from the sudden shock. A familiar wooden mask hovered over her, its expression hard to read.

“You’re going to wake them up with that noise. What are you so concerned about at this time of night?”

“I…” Awkwardly, Tawna picked herself up again and leaned against the hut’s wall. Aku Aku must have seen something in her posture and gestured towards the front entrance.

“Miss Tawna, may I speak with you outside?”

That did not sound like a good time by any stretch of the imagination, but she couldn’t think of a good reason to say no. She only shrugged and shuffled off in the direction she was told.

The island air had a distant familiarity to it, but there was something indescribably different between it and the one from home. It still felt good on the lungs. For a moment, she closed her eyes to take it in, only to wince as the images flashed through her mind again.

Aku Aku hovered nearby. “I understand this must be disorienting and difficult. This isn’t your home.”

“I don’t care,” she snapped, immediately wincing at her own voice. “S-sorry.”

“I take no offense.” The mask bobbed in the air, glowing faintly in the dark. “I’m sure I know what’s bothering you, but would it make you feel any better to talk about it?”

“It’s just a dream. Not real. It shouldn’t get to me.”

“But, clearly, it still bothers you. And it seems it’s more of a memory than a simple dream.”

That would likely be obvious, even to someone who wasn’t a powerful magical mask, but it still felt invasive. She wanted to shove him away, shove all of them away, like she’d learned to do after last time, but it felt so hard now. She wanted to be around them again, even if she knew it was a terrible idea.

“Of all the universes out there, why did mine have to be the one where I had to watch them die?”

Nor was she going to cry. It didn’t matter how much her eyes stung, she’d dig her fingers into her forearm and force it to stop. Crying hadn’t solved anything before. It hadn’t done anything to save them.

“Miss Tawna…” Aku Aku spoke quietly and gently. “There’s nothing you could have done. You can’t save your Crash and Coco, nor can you keep these ones safe from everything in the world.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better somehow?” She scowled.

“No, it doesn’t seem likely. I worry about the harm that may come to them every day. I do my best to offer them safety, but in the end, I know I can only do so much. I can’t control what they do at every moment of every day.”

“I trained to make myself stronger after they…after I lost them. I thought I was strong enough before. I hoped I would be when I faced N. Tropy again. I trained and trained and trained, what’s the point of all of it if it’s never enough??”

“I often wonder the same things, myself. Transcending my physical form as I have carries with it certain duties. Had I died a natural death, I would never have been involved with so many threats to time and space as I have now. But even with all this power, I cannot ensure the safety of a couple of bandicoots.”

Tawna sighed, raking the hair out of her eyes. “How do you put up with all of it?”

“I find and hold onto every bit of joy that I can find,” Aku Aku said. “Every moment that I know they’re safe and well, I can take comfort in that. Impermanent as it may be. Whenever I see them happy and remain delighted by the world around them, I know I am doing some good.”

“Getting by with the little scraps.” She managed a bitter little chuckle. “If that’s the best I’m gonna get…”

“I find that in practice, Miss Tawna, those small moments add up very quickly. Scars may never fully heal, but their edges fade in time.”

[astral-catastrophe]

Every once in a while, when I think about the crush, I feel like we got lucky. Like we just naturally end up in the same place bc it just feels right.

I mean, we did that big hike together last summer, and I vividly remember holding hands a couple times, and I don’t even remember why, but we were happy and laughing and even if I was in pain, she had said she’d carry me everywhere bc I hurt my ankle, and I just remember being so happy and feeling safer with her than the others there.

Then this year we had classes together some of the time, and when we didn’t, she would come over during lunch to check on me, and we would annoy one of our friends just because I had been oblivious for so long.

And with this summer, she loved her birthday present, the stuffed dino. Then there was the trip, holding each others hands on the airplane when we got nervous, and the time we spent laughing in our hotel room. Throwing the extra pillows across the room and hitting her with said pillows, making her burst into tired giggles. Then she calmed me down at the last hotel when I was on the verge of a bad anxiety attack, then on the ferry ride, grabbed my hand and dragged my attention away from the water. Then the way when we drove to the airport and I pointed out a cool graveyard, and she said she wouldn’t mind hanging out there with me. Then at the last airport, the way she knows me well enough that she saw me get excited, and watched my backpack while I ran off to check something out. Then the dorky lil smile she would give me in the airport as I waited for her to catch up to me. She joked that I’m always moving and always faster than her, despite the joint pain. Saying it’s cool how I don’t let it get me down.

Then the next week with the school thing, when she came to our down during free time and sat with me on my side of the room, rather than on the other side of the dorm. Or the ice cream place where we made single jokes and annoyed the hell out of our friend.

Then camp, getting to hang out almost the whole first day, we didn’t see each other a lot at camp. But we had the first day, we didn’t have anything to catch up on, but we never ran out of stuff to talk about. And that night in the cabin when I made stupid jokes and she held my hands and it was too dark for her to see me grinning like an idiot.

then the hike? It makes me smile to remember the hike, because she’s not much of a hiker, but I’d hurt my ankles again and she said she’d carry me down the mountain. But I didn’t want her to trip, so she resorted to taking my hands through the harder spots of the trail and looking back every time she heard me slip, and when I walked in front, she would grab onto my bag to keep me from slipping. Then the thing with me remembering her favorite wildflowers was so cute. And pointing out the rivers and lakes to her, knowing she likes water, then she in turn pointed out a cave to me, knowing I like caves

If you guys can’t tell, she’s literally the coolest and she makes me feel more normal and happy and safe, thank <3

[fan-gyaldump]

Erased Part 2

Bakugo x reader fanfic

…

Well this is awkward.

Hi hello I forgot I had tumblr and I am very much sorry for ditching this completely. I know it’s taken me 5 years to post part 2 but I have returned hehe.

Content warning: alcohol use

。。。。。。。。。

Y/n ran.

She ran.

So fucking fast.

Every step she took was now her body being controlled by autopilot, unaware of all the people staring at her in confusion, but right now all she needed to do was get Kaminari off her tail and hide. However outrunning a pro hero is a lot harder than she thought, yeah he was better than her in terms of cardio but what he couldn’t get away from were all his adoring and devoted fans. He tried his hardest to say a quick hello but his priorities were literally slipping away from him.

“Chargebolt can I get a picture!” A young boy shouted at him, standing right where he could block him for long enough so that Y/n could get away.

“Uhh sorry kid I’d really love to but there’s something that I really need to do right now.” He rushed, guilt taking over him as he brushed him off in a way he never usually would.

Kaminari swore to himself as he lost sight of Y/n, he just had her! There was no way one kid could have made him lose track of where she was that quickly. Regardless he ran around the block anyway to look for her.

Y/n had ended up swerving into a side road that was in the complete opposite direction of her house. Incredibly inconvenient for her on a number of levels, not to mention the fact that she had used her dinner as a form of defence. Well aren’t I a fucking idiot, she thought to herself. She looked around the area she had found herself in, it was a humble little neighbourhood, not too busy compared to the high street she was on but she knew for a fact she had gotten away from Kaminari. Once she had relaxed from her adrenaline rush, she turned around and made her way back home.

Her anxiety had never been this bad before. The sweatiness of her palms and rushed breathing only made her feel worse about the whole situation that had just happened. She was in the middle of processing it all in her head, the whole ordeal replaying in her head like a torturous loop, all because her pride was too big from letting anyone from her past to know anything about her. Especially her ex’s closest friend. Maybe it wasn’t even pride, it might also have been the fact that she was too ashamed to face any of them, seeing her like this would only mean that she had hit an all time low.

But it was expected, these are the consequences that follow you for the rest of your life when you join the league. She did this to herself.

You idiot

That’s all she could tell herself.

But at least now she had a good excuse to go back home and get blackout drunk. However, this did mean that she would have to try and find a way to steal the alcohol.

Y/n didn’t believe in stealing for superficial things like alcohol or anything materialistic, she considered it lower than low. She could understand if someone was in a crisis and had no other means of getting food or water, that was excusable, but alcohol? She knew she had a problem.

-

Uraraka had planned a dinner party with all of her fellow heroes and ex classmates at her house, the last bits of her preparations were now finished, all that was left was for the guests themselves to arrive.

As expected Todoroki and Deku came on time, Kirishima, Sero and Mina arriving a little bit after them, Jiro and Momo both arrived at the same time. Naturally they all brought drinks and snacks with them to contribute to the evening.

Bakugo pulled up to the driveway, he parked his car behind Mina’s and sat in his car for a while. He initially didn’t want to go and was going to cancel but he figured that it would be good for him to socialise a little. He fixed his hair in his mirror, grabbed his things from his car and made his way to Uraraka’s door until he heard his phone vibrate in his hand.

His secretary Lena had messaged him. Again?

“Sir please make sure you lock your office door before you clock out. Bozo :)”

He let out a sigh of exasperation, regretting the fact that he had hooked up with her ONCE during a work party. Sure he thought she was somewhat attractive but that’s only after a few drinks. Other than that, he wouldn’t even dream of doing it again.

He replied, of course his response was dry but he couldn’t be asked to engage in any type of conversation with her. He just wanted to have a nice evening with his friends without his regret messaging him during out of work hours. He silenced his phone, knocked on the door and went in to greet everyone

Kaminari paced around the front of the house for 15 minutes. Bakugo had told him that he was unsure if he was going to go so he had hoped that he had just stayed home. The whole y/n situation had left him in complete and utter shock. He nearly had her. He touched her and saw with his own eyes that she’s still alive. Every unanswered question that everyone had about her was answered that afternoon when he made a split decision to grab some water. This really was a moral conflict like no other, on one hand he wanted to say something but on the other hand he felt that it would be unfair to Uraraka to ruin a dinner that was meant to be for all of them to relax and enjoy. Guilt and confusion filled him to the brim. Enough time had passed and he decided to just suck it up and go in, he had finally made the decision to not say anything.

He knocked on the door, shamefully of course since he knew he was the last one there. Momo opened it and greeted him cheerfully. “Well you took your time!” She hugged him and let him in to the house.

“Well look who the fuck finally showed up!” Mina shouted, her voice giving away the fact that she was already a bit tipsy.

Everyone cheered for the latecomer, now they were all excited that it was a full house and the party could go on as planned. Kaminari smiled and greeted everyone until he saw Bakugo standing by the snacks, face stoic as usual.

Oh fuck, Kaminari thought. This was the last thing he wanted. Seeing Bakugo there just made him nervous all over again. Reminding him of his moral dilemma.

“Shots anyone?” He asked, holding up a large bottle of Sake.

-

Y/n brushed off the small shard of glass that was left on her hoodie after breaking the door of the liquor store, she felt awful for breaking and entering someone’s shop but alcohol was needed in her desperate time.

Naturally she went for the strong stuff and treated herself to flavoured soju that was on sale before leaving the store.

She had her face covered the whole time but she still became paranoid about whether or not she did a good job of clearing any evidence that could’ve been tied back to her breaking into the humble, little liquor store. Deep down she knew she’d get away with it, the league taught her more than enough to commit any rookie crime that they would always do. That included how to leave no evidence behind and ensure that you were absolutely not gonna get caught.

“You should’ve gone for the strawberry Soju but hey that’s just my opinion.” A sudden voice spoke from behind her.

Y/n jolted, dropping a bottle. The voice was so unexpected she didn’t know how to react. But of course she calmed down after she knew who was talking to her.

She huffed and turned around to meet her stalker “hello to you to Dabi.”

“Oh yeah, hello Y/n. Long time no see huh” he smiled, “you know normally you would’ve punched me for scaring you like that.”

“Dabi please” she said, defeat in her tone. “I really cannot be asked for any of this right now.”

Dabi laughed at her teasingly, their dynamic was always his favourite. He pisses her off, she gets angry and he relishes in it. A routine he had missed since she had left the league. “Long day huh? I don’t blame you. Chargebolt is hard to outrun right.”

Y/n groaned, she rubbed her face to try and hide her shame. “Oh for fucks sake Dabi.”

He laughed at her again, seeing her so angry always made him feel good for some reason. Maybe he was just more sadistic than he thought. Either way he found it funny every time.

“Even after 3 years of not seeing you, you still find ways to drive me up the fucking wall.” Now she was visibly annoyed, the memory of that afternoon kept replaying in her head, what made it worse is that now she knew Dabi had seen it all.

“Oh don’t act like you don’t like it.”

“I can’t stand it.”

“Yeah whatever” he dismissed her. “Didn’t know you were such a drinker Y/n. Damn that’s a lot for such a small girl.” He approached her, grabbing her bottle of Soju and examined the bottle. “But I guess you were out of options right?”

“Anything to not have to put up with you assholes any longer.” She snapped back at him, quickly grabbing her bottle from him. She turned on her heel swiftly and began walking towards her apartment again. The sight of Dabi pissed her off, unlike Kaminari. She actually had the balls to face him with all the hatred in the world.

“Awww you don’t mean thatttt” his voice somehow became more annoying and irritating for her. “We had such good times didn’t we? All the killing and robbing and scheming? You’re gonna break my heart y’know.”

“Fuck off.”

Dabi reached for her hood and pulled her back harshly. Making sure she was facing him. Y/n scoffed and slapped his hand away from her.

“Dabi! I promise you I will fucking kill you right now” she poked at his chest and stabbed him with her finger.

Dabi laughed, mocking her attempt at being intimidating, they both knew if it came down to it, he could easily kill her.

“Relax bitch. I’m not here for you to talk to me like that.” He pushed her by her shoulder, asserting his strength to her. Something that she was already well aware of. Especially since her drinking had made her more sluggish and less active. Subconsciously she knew that should wouldn’t actually be able to do anything to him. “I have a proposal for you. Shiguraki told me to go look for you cuz it’s something we figured you would be able to do.”

“Tell him to suck a dick. I’m not interested in whatever scummy shit you guys wanna do.” Y/n wanted nothing more than to just get away and go home but now she had to deal with yet another inconvenience.

“Tell him that yourself. He wants you back, only because you’re the only one who would actually benefit the rest of us if you did decide to help.” He began to rummage around his pocket, y/n watched him carefully.

He pulled out a scrap piece of paper and a burner phone. Holding it out in his hand for y/n to take. She looked at him confused, unsure of what exactly he needed.

“The numbers on the paper if you change your mind. Call it and we’ll know that you’re interested.”

Y/n turned her gaze to his, unamused and very VERY pissed off, what exactly did this guy not understand by the words “fuck off”? She crossed her arms, making no indication that she was going to take the phone. There was no way in hell that she was going to go back to that life again. She wanted nothing to do with it.

“I’m not interested so don’t bother.” She left again, this time her pace quickened as to make sure that he wouldn’t be able to grab her again.

Dabi stood there. He put the phone in his pocket and watched her walk away. Little did she know, he was certain that she was going to come back sooner or later.

-

The dinner party was going so well. Mina was drunk, Kirishima was drunk, Kaminari was tipsy and everyone else was either enjoying the entertainment that the drunk guests were giving them or they were catching up to them slowly.

“Man I missed you guys soooo much.” Mina wrapped her arms around Midoriya and Todoroki’s necks and pulled them in for a very uncomfortable group hug. They all laughed and hugged her back in an awkward way.

“We missed you too. But it’s a good thing we get to see eachother like this again!” Midoriya smiled, pulling himself out of her grasp and fixing his shirt collar.

Momo went around topping everyone’s glasses except for Bakugo’s since he had to drive back home. Of course he was going to be the only sober one.

“Mina cool it. You’re gonna end up puking in the sink like last time.” Kirishima teased her, slurring a little as he spoke.

“NUH UH” she yelled in defence. “That was only cuz you gave me that god awful tequila.” She stuck her tongue out in disgust as she remembered that awful time.

“Please do actually. I’ll be able to film it this time.” Bakugo replied. Smirking at how embarrassed she became.

“One time people! One time!” Mina yelled, her cheeks became red from the booze and the cringe she felt.

“I wonder how the others are doing y’know” Sero asked, rubbing his chin as he thought about his fellow classmates. “Like Koda, mineta, shinsou. All of those guys. Man I miss them.”

Everyone agreed, their distinct conversation now was focused on their friends from back in the day. But not one of them brought up y/n due to obvious reasons.

“I spoke to Iida yesterday. He’s still the same as ever.” Todoroki spoke up.

“Yeah! And Tokoyami is abroad right now on some international hero course training thingy” Mina also said in between hiccups.

“I bumped into Tsuyu today actually! We were both at the same shopping centre by complete coincidence.” Uraraka chirped

“Oh shit yeah I saw Y/n today actually!”

Everyone became quiet

Kaminari realised after two seconds what had just left his mouth. But it was too late, everyone had heard what he had just said. Including Bakugo.

No one said anything, they couldn’t. All they did was stand there with shocked expressions, what they had just heard was something none of them were ready for. Poor Kaminari was in the hot seat with no way of getting any of the attention off of him.

Bakugo couldn’t believe what he had heard. For a split second he lost all sense of reality and thought he had made up what just happened. “The fuck did you just say?” He asked quietly yet firmly, getting up from his seat to be right in front of Kaminari.

Kaminari froze, he stuttered and put his hands up in defence yet he still couldn’t bring himself to say anything coherent. The only thing that left his mouth were a bunch of I’s and umms.

“Denki what did you just say?” Midoriya knew what he said but he had to hear him say it again.

“You saw Y/n?” Bakugo asked, his voice becoming more stern.

“Well. No but, um. Hey is that French wine?” Kaminari tried to walk over to the kitchen counter to grab the bottle when suddenly Bakugo grabbed him by the collar and yanked him towards him.

“Dumbass don’t you FUCKING dare! You saw her didn’t you!? And you didn’t want to say anything?!” Bakugo was now extremely livid, shouting right in his face whilst the others tried to get him to calm down.

“Where was she?! What happened?! Tell me EVERYTHING right fucking now Denki or so help me God I will kick your teeth in right now!” Bakugo began gripping his collar tighter as he tried to squirm out of his grasp.

“Katsuki that’s enough!” Midoriya yelled, he finally managed to get him to let go. Bakugo panted, his eyes fixed on Kaminari’s stupid face. So much was happening at that moment, he didn’t care that he had dropped both his glass and Kaminari’s glass on the floor.

Kaminari really messed up now. He knew he had no other option but to tell them all everything that had happened earlier that day. He just wasn’t ready for how things were going to unfold now.

[ourladyofomega]

Before writing this final post of 2023, I was undecided of how good of a poker hand I’d end up with. ‘21 and ‘22 left no doubt what I finished with. This year, all the good and bad have scattered all over the place like chips spread across the roulette table - but we don’t usually play that game here, do we? No, we don’t. This year added on both the good and bad on top of the previous years before it - in even wider disparity.

So, where do we start?

The bad hit a little harder than it did last year. The customers were at their nastiest, competitive, and most egotistical. Having a verbally and emotionally abusive sales manager who saw fit to humiliate me in front of co-workers and literally yell at me for anything little reason he could didn’t help any. Fighting through under-staffing, wasted potential, not getting assistance when it really mattered, and making more mistakes and fuck-ups than ever made for a highly controversial final year at physical retail.

I pulled the plug on people I once considered “friends” who kept me on read when I asked for help, ghosted me during conversations, left me hanging all by myself as their comrades pretended I didn’t exist, and didn’t care about specific situations I had involving them. The spicy redheaded devil who played apologist for her closest friends - the same “friends” in the past who took me for everything they could and left a thick irreplaceable poison that’s still flowing in me. Or worse, unexpectedly running into former enablist co-workers, narcissistic managers, and manipulative college chads showing their obvious “oh-my-god!” faces and wanting to catch up with me. I told them to fuck right off forever - and never to speak to me again.

Luckily, I didn’t have as many hard pills to swallow like I used to. But, the sometimes unavoidable news of potentials’ long-suffering loneliness ending with exciting one-night stands, abrupt t.m.i., and their eye-opening bucket list to-do’s (that’d make Sasha Grey look like a straight-A honor student) made it a disappointing no-dice situation. Then, the deeper depressive spells of anxiety and hopelessness. The constant reminder of how rude, childish, and unnecessarily rude other people are around me. The change of plans, the blown calls of missing out on some holidays, or dropping the ball on attending some major shows (Alice Cooper headlining with Rob Zombie, Ministry, and Filter for one). The worst news came unexpectedly in late September when my sis- was dealt the Ace Of Spades and died in her sleep from complications of multiple sclerosis. I lost a major childhood component in her, and that visit to Bay Ridge will resonate with me for a long time.

Yes. This year’s losses were just more frequent and came at a slightly heavier cost. (Thankfully, not coming down to another personal devastation.) But, with every loss came with a win. And, wow, did these wins hit.

A brand new pinball arcade opened up in Patchogue to my total surprise, once again giving me a new portal in revisiting my Atari / Nintendo youth and forget my daily ills. It was there when I placed 3rd at their 4th of July tournament. The retro video arcade at the shopping center near me still offered a substantial modicum of hours-long fun until I was sick of it.

Though I lost my sister, I had some super essential moments with both of my families from Coney- and Staten Island respectively. I just celebrated an amazing Christmas over Italian foods, Secret Santas, gift-trades, and children screaming in eardrum-rattling unison; all ending with $100.00 cash-in-hand from my uncle, and a drive through the Belt Parkway and Brooklyn-Battery Tunnel to the train ride home to Penn Station. Fighting through the sluggish three-hour Friday rush-hour drive made getting to my cousin’s engagement party totally worth it; decorated with loud generic dee-jay standards, catching up under clear starry night skies, and having a near two-hour AM night-drive home over the Verrazzano Bridge and through the Brooklyn / Queens / Long Island Expressway.

I’ve attended some amazing shows in the past, but nothing would ever compare in experiencing Skinny Puppy’s final tours. I took no chances getting tickets and, holy Mother Mary, I made the right call. I would’ve never imagined meeting up with five other mutuals (some following me for years) in my hometown of New York City to witness industrial history. The best? Shaking hands with God Ministry’s Paul Barker himself; The Hero of All Heroes. He signed my copy of The Eternal Present as I almost died before him at the merch- table. I also attended Cold Waves XI and scratched Front Line Assembly off the must-see list, with visions of Hospital Productions’ 20th returning when I witnessed Orphx and Justin Broadrick a second time.

Then, my position. My final two months at my location were the toughest, meanest, and most unforgiving I’d ever put myself through. I endured so much that something had to be done because I knew I deserved better and didn’t want to live like this. So, I did a massive favor to myself. After 10 years with the company, I celebrated by getting an in-home position for virtual sales. I left all the massive amounts of stress behind and still stayed with the company while keeping my 401K, medical, and time-off in the process. Goodbye and good riddance to physical retail and the toxic undesirables that inhabit it…never to visit it again.

As an added bonus, I learned a lot more about myself and became the person I always wanted to be. I was fortunate in having the right people who changed it all and their inexplicable energy made me block those challenging persistent feelings of hollowness and despair. I taught myself to drop my guard, stop fearing the worst that could happen, and start putting my trust in people as nothing was at stake. That paid off in multitudes. I felt things I couldn’t before, because they allowed me to open up without persecuting or vilifying me for it.

I had more moments where I did great things for great people because they gave me nice ideas that were out-of-the-ordinary. Cakeday and Christmas boxes full of CDs, cassettes, and other fun stuff were exchanged which left two people wowed and many others in critical condition. Plenty of night-time phone calls were had about everything and nothing important at all, or the cries of concern that made me go all-in to help the other because there’s no taking chances. Most importantly: reciprocation, saying it right from the heart, a giving what people really want because you feel it and it’s the right thing to do.

**********

Now, what’s in the cards for next year?

I plan to revisit New York City more frequently. To start, I’m coming back to my childhood, and that all in Brooklyn. The Tokeneke, Bath Ave., Shore Road Park, Luna Park, and ultimately Borough Park where it all began. I’m even contemplating a mini-record store victory tour next year - all city. Long Island locales sit out this time as select Brooklyn and Manhattan stops better get ready for me and accept my hard-earned money. This would be Lina Romay-proportions of music porn if this happens.

As for everything else Omega, there’s no signs of slowing down as my radio show started Year 12. Its previous year had almost no bonus broadcasts from start to finish, but the current stockpile of artists and sounds across the board means I’m ready to unload when asked. The months-long process of digitizing my entire personal cassette dub library has finally been completed, which means I’ll have more time to dive into all my records, tapes, and discs that I purchased over the years that I've yet listened to, but now will.

Which reminds me:

Most of you know that I maintained a music -blr here: Ω+. I became an open-book and allowed my visitors, followers, mutuals, and even passers-by a peek into my personal life, listening, and purchasing habits. To this day, I still believe there’s no other extensive music blog like it here. It felt great posting sounds, artists, and releases no one else even thought or considered. I had so much fun with it and became one of the most exciting projects I ever done. Life-changing, even. Now, I no longer have the time or energy to keep up with sizeable, timely write-ups while staying on top of infinite music finds and dealing with Real-Life Syndrome.

I decided that it’s time to end it after 10 years of maintaining it.

However, I didn’t want to stop doing what still fascinates me. I stepped back, and realized that I can do it differently. I’m happy to say that I’m starting all over again and re-building it as Omega Remix (ΩRMX), a simpler, more stripped-down version of the original retaining the personal seasonal mixtapes, Omega WUSB playlists, best-of lists, personal posts, and more. No more numbered headers, no more aesthetic issues. It’ll be quicker and easier to do what keeps me going and in touch with anyone interested with what I’m listening to.

**********

I appreciate and thank (tremendously) everyone who joined up with me at a show, posted music finds, kept in touch, helped out, or did something nice for me this year. You know who you are. For any and all who liked, followed, and supported all things Omega, you’re also appreciated. Each and every one of you. Here's hoping we're still alive and dodge a massive authoritarian bullet by this year's end.

See you all in ‘24.

Winning hand: Aces full house over Deuces.