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blessedlance · 3 years

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pretty baby.

[r18+]

[wc:] 4k

[cw:] sub!atsumu, softdom!reader, femdom, oral (f. receiving), riding, pegging, mommy kink, puppy kink, minor dacryphilia, collar-play, restraints

! haikyuu manga timeskip spoilers. atsumu is 24. !

a/n: oh my god i haven’t written for leisure in literally 10 years i hope this is bearable LOL. @luvsicksubs wrote a lil tidbit about sub!atsumu a while ago and i have not known peace ever since so big thank you to ari for the inspo! pls enjoi :9

Atsumu’s been gone lately. A lot.

Too much.

You know it’s not his fault. The Jackals' practices have been brutal lately. So when Atsumu does eventually trudge his way back to your shared apartment every evening, he can only muster up enough energy to shower and collapse into bed. You’ve had to wake him more than once, chiding him to get up and at least dry his hair before bed.

“You can’t afford to get yourself sick by sleeping with wet hair, ‘Tsumu.” You’d whisper, shaking him gently awake. Usually he’d just groan in response and bury himself further against your body heat beneath the comforter--unwilling to give up even a second of precious, blissful sleep. You’d even gone so far as to physically pull his heavy, six foot athlete’s body out of the bed and into the bathroom to dry it for him once or twice.

It’s for his health, you reason. You can afford to pamper him a little--especially when he’s been working so hard. And the way his body slumps while he sits, his features softening--long eyelashes kissing the tops of his cheeks as he dozes off into half-sleep at the feel of your fingers tussling his hair with the gentle heat of the blow dryer… He becomes so soft in those moments, like putty in your hands.

It’s dangerous, because it makes you crave the sight of him like this--fragile and reliant on the comfort of your touch--even more.

You sigh. Reminding yourself again, for seemingly the millionth time since this excessive practicing for the championships started,

‘It’s not his fault.’

He’s been good. So, so good. Trying so hard to make sure you know he loves you and he’s sorry. Texting you to check in whenever he has the chance.

> how are you today?

> how’s work going??

> what’s for lunch??? ლ(≧ڡ≦ლ)

Sometimes sending videos of himself and Hinata hashing out new plays (only the ones they’ve mastered, though. You may be intimately familiar with every embarrassing piece of him, but he still wants to try to look cool in front of his girlfriend.)

And it helps. It really does. But you also know the texts are just as much for his own sake as they are for yours. You know how needy Atsumu gets when you two are apart.

You remember the time he’d called you from his hotel room after an away game in Tokyo. How he whined into the phone at the sound of your voice when you whispered.

“Touch yourself for me.”

The way a soft cry escaped him at your command--your name leaving his lips with a breath.

You want to feel him like that again. To see him beneath you, squirming and desperate--begging for you to just touch him, just sit on his face, his cock, anything you want just please--

You abruptly stop your line of thinking--not daring to continue dwelling on this recurring fantasy. Atsumu doesn’t deserve the punishment you crave to dole out on him to relieve this frustration.

… But he might want it.

Championships are tomorrow. Just 24 hours stand between you and the feeling of Atsumu Miya’s taut muscles beneath your fingertips.

You take a breath, summoning the remnants of your willpower.

You could do this. You would make certain that the wait would be worth it.

For both of you.

---

The Black Jackals win their first match because of course they do. Honestly, sometimes you feel a bit bad for the opposing teams. Their skill, their teamwork, their passion, their absolute willpower to win is stifling. Atsumu texts you that they’re going out for celebratory dinner and drinks. Bokuto’s idea. (Obviously). He promises he’ll be home as soon as he can. They’ve all got tomorrow morning off, and a whole day before the next round of matches. Some indulgence is well-deserved.

You type out your reply.

> Take your time and enjoy yourself! You’ve earned it. 💕

Knowing you’ve got at least two hours or more before the boys’ exhaustion ushers them all home, you decide to spend some time... preparing.

You’re reclined on the couch, watching something you can comfortably give your half-assed attention to while scrolling on your phone. You hear the front door unlocking, the handle turning, and your heart leaps into your throat. The thought of finally, finally having Astumu all to yourself makes you absolutely giddy.

You turn expectantly, and can’t help the way your lips curl upward into a smile.

Atsumu pushes the door open and turns toward you, already smiling when he opens his mouth.

“Hey.” You murmur.

“Hey.” He breathes back, and you watch the way his features relax at the sight of you. The way the confident, assiduous Atsumu Miya--a man who wakes up every single day and strives for perfection in everything and every one---melts into something softer.

Something that’s silently begging for you to tear him apart and piece him back together again.

He slips off his shoes, drops his gym bag to the floor, and brings his long, heavy body to lay over yours on the couch.

His face--tinted pink (presumably from the drinks)--buries itself against your neck, lips pressed to your skin.

Your fingers assume their familiar position, nestled in the blonde locks atop his head.

“Missed you…” You say lowly against his ear.

The small shiver that runs down his spine does not escape your notice.

“I’ve been here every night!” He protests.

“You know what I mean.” Your fingers press against his head, tugging on the strands the slightest bit.

“Mmm…” He affirms softly--your skin keenly feeling the gentle hum against its surface. He knows what you mean. He’s been here, yes, but it’s felt more like the ghost of him--wisping into your bed for a few hours and gone again in the morning.

“You were really in the zone today.” You comment. “I felt bad for the other team.”

He huffs out a small laugh. “Don’t. They played fine. We were just better.”

“Hmm…” You take your unoccupied hand and run a single finger up the curve of his spine.

He exhales, and you listen for the tremble in his breath you know will be there.

Just a little more.

“Either way, you were so good.” You can’t contain the coy lilt your voice takes on. You know damn well what you’re doing--using the very words that always make him quiver. He knows what you’re doing, too.

Atsumu thinks he doesn’t mind.

It’s quiet for a beat. The two of you simply basking in the warmth of your bodies pressed against each other. You stretch beneath him, and… readjust yourself in a way that presses your breasts against him just a little bit more...

And Atsumu finally, finally breaks.

He inhales sharply, and lets the subsequent exhale freely pass against your neck. A muffled word that sounds a lot like a plea leaves his throat.

“What was that?” You ask, purposely grazing your lips against his reddening ear.

“Please…” He begs.

You consider being mean for a moment. Consider pushing him to his limit in desperation. The way those sharp brown eyes would turn glassy and tearful, his dark brows pulled together, pleading you to hurry up and take him--touch him--let him touch you--fucking anything. However you want, wherever you want. Make him vocalize that burning desire, and only concede when he well and truly begs.

But that can always be arranged another time.

You’re far too heady with desire yourself to enact such cruelty on him right now. Not after he’s been so good.

You shift your weight, moving to switch your positions by sitting up and pressing him beneath you. Your straddle his hips, purposely pressing your weight down against his pelvis ever-so-slightly.

“You’ve been working so hard, ‘Tsumu…” You murmur, lowering the top half of your body to lean over his. Hands sliding under the hem of his shirt, running up along the taut muscles that tremble at your touch. “Such a good boy…”

Atsumu’s bites his lip in an effort to stifle the deep moan that leaves his chest. The way his body almost involuntarily reacts to that phrase every. single. time… It’s just too good to pass up.

You wet your lips.

“Let me make you feel good.”

And you press those lips ever-so-softly to the juncture between his jaw and neck. Soft touch turning to a light bite, and then back to a soothing kiss.

Atsumu is crumbling--his hardening length pressing insistently against you.

“I got everything ready. We can use whatever you want: rope,” and you press a slow open-mouth kiss to his neck,

“your collar,” then one to his collarbone,

“a toy,” traveling down to his pecs,

“the strap…” ending just beneath his belly button.

You look up at him from beneath your lashes, watching keenly for his expression to shift in interest at any certain one.

Atsumu doesn’t give an immediate answer, his gaze unable to meet your own. Your hands trail back down his body, grazing a nipple with your fingernail just to see the way he twitches at the sensation.

“C’mon baby, how am I supposed to treat my good boy if he doesn’t tell me what he wants?” You purr, bringing your hands to the hem of the worn, oversized t-shirt covering your top half down to the juncture of your thighs. You’d snatched it from his dresser earlier to lounge in. Another carefully plotted detail. You knew just how riled up he got at the sight of you wearing his shirts. Even more so if he lifted it only to find those black and gold lacy panties underneath… Or if there was nothing…

Stretching your body, you pull the shirt up and off of your torso, tossing it aimlessly behind you. Atsumu’s gaze immediately returns to you--spotting that very set’s match: a black bra with intricate gold stitching around the lace adorning your skin. His hands are on you in an instant--palms sliding up your ribs to reach your breasts and gently squeezing around them.

Astumu had never been good with the concept of patience.

Normally, you’d stop those big, calloused setter hands in their tracks--admonishing him for not asking permission, first. But this was about him. About fulfilling every whim his exhausted mind and body had the energy left to want. You could allow a little insubordination tonight.

“You even wore my favorite.” He grins, that cheeky, self important tone of his sneaking back out. You smile coyly and tilt your hips downward, pressing your bare core against his still-restrained cock. He inhales sharply--dropping the attitude once more.

“Part of the reward.” You grin. “Now, what does my good boy want?”

His eyes drift upwards from their fixation on your breasts, meeting your gaze.

“I want…” He bites his lip. “Wanna make you feel good.”

Your eyes widen at the admission, but he’s speaking again before you can inquire.

“You’re always so patient with me when practice gets like this. I just want to... To give you a reward, too.”

You’re taken aback for a beat, pleasantly surprised at the acknowledgement. Atsumu still manages to surprise you with how observant he is. One of the more unexpected traits he shares with Osamu. Your eyes soften and you reach up to gently cup his face. He turns his head to kiss your hand and murmurs against your palm.

"Let me taste you. Please."

He knows how you get when he’s busy like this. How--despite your authority and confidence in the bedroom--you still long for his affection and crave his touch when he’s gone.

And this… This is the perfect way for him to express his gratitude while still pleasing both of you.

“Okay.” You breathe, moving to kneel over his face. “Whatever you want,” you gently drop your weight toward his mouth. “my sweet boy.”

He practically preens at the praise, moaning against your core. Again, Atsumu demonstrates his struggle with patience and savoring the moment. In an instant, he’s gripping your thighs and pulling them closer against the sides of his face. You know you could sit your entire weight atop him and he’d thank you, but tonight calls for something gentler. It’s enough to know you’re the only person who gets to see him like this. The only one who gets to watch the diligent, cocksure Astumu Miya, one of--if not the--best setters in Japan, become so vulnerable and desperate beneath you.

He flattens his tongue and runs it slowly up from the start of your opening to the top of your clit.

“Fuck, ‘Tsumu…” You moan, hands rushing to grasp at his hair. He groans, too, at the sensation of your fingers tugging--the hum sending a vibration through your body. You grind your hips, silently urging him on, and his tongue laves at your clit with small kitten licks. The feeling of those tiny, gentle laps against your most sensitive spot, so diligent and soft--it’s like electricity coursing through you, running up into every limb.

“Mmhmm.” He hums against you. He knows just how you like it. When he services you like this--like the obedient puppy he is. “So wet… Y’taste s’good...” He says, hot breath fanning against you while he catches his breath for a moment.

You press yourself back against him insistently. “Who said you could take a break? Use your fingers, too.”

His mouth is back against you immediately, right hand sliding beneath your thigh to reach your opening. Carefully, he presses two fingers against it--testing the give, while his tongue continues to lick and suck at that sensitive nub. Spit has dribbled down from his mouth to where his fingers are pressed, and he slides his digits against the wetness, adding to the natural lubricant. Then, finally, he pushes those long middle and ring fingers up and into you. They slide in easily despite the way you feel yourself clench around the intrusion. He was right--you’re soaked. He finds a comfortable rhythm to compliment his tongue’s lashings easily and your head falls back, a deep moan escaping past your lips.

“‘Tsumu… ‘Tsumu, fuck just like that--you do it so well for me, baby… Right there--”

You’re cut off by the feeling of his fingers curling within you--searching, and then pressing against that spot so nicely.

Your thigh muscles twitch against his cheeks--breath fleeing from your lungs at the sudden rush.

“Yes, ‘Tsumu--fuck yes.”

You chance a look down at his face. Those long lashes closed, brows knit together in concentration while he pleasures you. Atsumu’s a pretty boy, but you think he’s prettiest like this.

Fuck, you want more of that desperate expression. Want to edge him over and over until he’s drooling and can’t remember his own fucking name.

You’re getting close. That climbing ecstasy rising dangerously high within you. You pull yourself off him before you can climb too high, and the release of suction from his mouth makes a small, wet pop.

“You eat it so well, baby. So, so good for me, pretty boy.” You coo, caressing the sides of his face. His lips are pink and wet and you return your hips to their place atop his length. His lip wobbles with a whimper, back arching against you in search of more.

“I think you’ve earned your reward now, don’t you?” Your eyelids fall, half-closed seductively while you lean your chest toward his face. You reach behind your back and release the clasp of your bra. His hands tighten themselves into fists, trying to restrain the urge to reach up and touch. The fingers of your left hand splay out against his chest, holding your weight, while the right moves down to pull off his boxer briefs. Then, your wet folds are sliding against his erect, bare, length. Slowly, up and down.

“Mmm please can I--can I touch--”

You interrupt him with a small lick against those still-wet lips and chuckle quietly to yourself.

Oh, so now he’s ready to ask first?

“You can.” You affirm, reaching down to line him up with your entrance. His breath is coming harder now, those hardened pecs rising and falling beneath you. The anticipation is rapidly unraveling him. Atsumu’s hands are on your back, tugging your chest back down towards him. As they slide forward around your ribcage to grasp your breasts, his gaze flits up to you.

“Can I--?”

“Mmhmm.” You nod--knowing what he wants. His mouth closes around your nipple, sucking with that perfect amount of harshness to tighten the coiling pressure in your lower body. His tip rests right against your opening. You can see the precum dribbling out of him--can feel the way he’s pushing himself slightly further up--desperate to get inside. Were this any other time, you’d reprimand him for such impertinence. Tie his hands above his head and deny him completely. ‘And you were being so good, too, asking permission and everything. You wanna be inside that bad, maybe I should remind you how it feels to be on the receiving end, hmm?’

But, honestly, he’d nearly tipped you over the edge with just his mouth earlier. You were becoming impatient, yourself.

Finally, blessedly, you sink yourself down onto his cock, revelling in the way his mouth falls open and his head flings backward against the couch pillow with a cry.

“Mmm.. ‘s it that good, baby?” You tease.

“‘S been a while… So tight…” He hisses, almost like it’s too much.

“Yeah?” You tease. Your hips are gradually picking up speed. Slowly rising up, up, up, as far as you can go before it feels like he might just fall out of you, and then your hip fall again, taking his full length deep inside.

“‘Tsumu…” You say, rising back up again. “I wanted to pamper you tonight... “ and you slide back down. “Give my cute, sweet boy a reward for all his hard work.”

Atsumu keens, whimpering beneath you.

“But I think I wanna be a little selfish, too.” You breathe, leaning in close enough for your breath to fan against his face. “Is that ok baby?”

A high pitched moan leaves Atsumu’s throat, and you clench around him.

“Yes…” He sighs between ragged breaths. “Yes... Please, I--”

“Please, what?” You interrupt him.

“P-please…” You watch his Adam's apple bob as he swallows. “Please, mommy…”

“Ohhhhh, that’s my good boy.” You moan, restarting the rise and fall motion of your cunt around him. “Gonna make you feel so good. Just the way you deserve, ‘Tsumu. But you have to promise you won’t cum until I say so, mmk?” You’re holding his face, running your right index finger along the line of his jaw with a feather-light touch.

And Astumu Miya shudders beneath you, staring up in reverence. The way those big brown watery eyes look at you… He’d look so cute with a collar clasped around his neck right now.

He nods. “I--I won’t. I promise. Please.”

Your hand moves up to stroke his hair softly. “Good boy.”

You restraighten your back in your seated position atop him. Your hands come to rest against his chest for leverage, and you begin riding him in earnest. Atsumu’s eyelids fall closed again, head thrown back while his mouth hangs open in pleasure.

“Is this what you wanted ‘Tsumu? Just want to feel me fuck myself on you until I’m satisfied?” You tease as you bounce. You slow to almost a halt and grind your hips in a circle, feeling the way his cock buries itself to the hilt. Atsumu’s hands are balled into tight fists against the couch. He’s moaning freely now--little cries escaping him as your cunt eagerly swallows him down over and over and over again.

“So good… You’re so good inside me, ‘Tsumu. Stretching me out so much every time. I know you know how good that feels.”

“Ahnn--!” He keens at the memory. The way your soft hands had pressed his legs up against his chest. Wetness from the lube dripping down so tantalizingly slow between his ass cheeks. The cock of your strap buried within him. How utterly full he had felt, stretched around it while you softly cooed praises at him, stroking his cock.

Fuck he wanted to cum like that again.

More than that, he just wanted to cum. His hands clench and unclench--mouth hanging open while he revels in memory--in the feeling of your tight, wet, heat sliding up and down him just how he likes--how he needs.

“I told you it was OK to touch, baby.” You reach down to grasp his hands with your own, bringing them to rest on your hips. “Hold onto me while I fuck myself on you.” You whisper.

Atsumu’s eyes open at that, watching your body bounce on him. HIs left hand hastily comes up to grasp a breast, relishing the feel of the soft, pliable skin in his grasp.

You gasp lightly at the sensation of his hand grazing your sensitive nipple. “Fuck yeah. So good for me baby--so good. Gonna make you cum in me like this--”

Atsumu’s head falls back against the cushions again, his expression knotted in pleasure. “You feel so good. So good… Please… Please I’m-- Ahh!-- I’m getting close.”

“Aww you’re close already? You wanna cum baby?” You shouldn’t tease. You know you’re close, too. That cresting peak getting closer and closer with every push of his cock into your deepest places. Your breath is ragged from the exertion of your body. You reach behind you blindly, refusing to miss an instant of Atsumu’s delicious expression. Eventually, you find the small bullet vibrator you’d stashed beneath the cushions earlier. You bring the toy to your clit and immediately feel it; that powerful wave looming just behind--threatening to take you over the edge. You steele yourself the best you can, inhaling deeply.

Atsumu slides his eyes open at the sound and unleashes the mostly ungodly, moan. His voice trembles when he speaks.

“Can I--can I come? Please--please baby let me come. Let me come.” His hands hold fast to your hips, grip growing steadily tighter as the sensations continue to climb. Faster now--exponentially faster. He’s not sure he could stop if he wanted to.

“Mmmm hearing you beg like that… Good boy. You can cum, baby. I’ll even cum with you for being so good. Go ahead. Cum in this tight pussy.” Your words are rushed, breath catching here and there. “Give it to me.”

And Atsumu shatters.

The way his cry lilts up--high-pitched and unabashed. That wave crashing into him so hard and so completely it takes you down under with him. Atsumu’s mind is empty. Nothing but blinding white as he expends everything he has in him in an instant. His name spills past your lips over and over like a mantra while you ride out your high. The two of you so in-sync, it feels as though your cunt convulses in time with his every pulse. Everything feels so, astonishingly good and intimate.

You’re both breathing heavily, eyes shut tight as that shared bliss slowly dissipates. You let yourself come down to rest on his chest. It’s suddenly very quiet save for your shared breaths. Eventually you rise onto your elbows, face directly over his.

“I love you…” Atsumu murmurs, eyes slightly flitting about while he studies the intricacies of your face. He memorized them all long ago, but even in this he is never sated. Your eyes soften, chest fluttering at his tone: so tender and soft.

“I love you, too.” You say, gently caressing his face. “So much.”

Atsumu can’t help the smile spreading across his face. In one quick motion, his arms are around your neck and tugging your face down toward him. His head tilts, lips melding themselves against yours when they make contact. The kiss is unusually tender, his lips trying to convey what his words cannot: how he is so thankful and lucky to have you. You, who understands how dear his passion, his career, is to him yet helps him remain grounded so that it does not consume him entirely. You, who remains so, so patient when he is away. You, who is always there to help him take care of himself when he is too busy or exhausted. You, who holds him when he finally fractures under the stress of giving his everything all the time--and who helps him put his pieces back together again and get back at it.

Your head returns to its resting place on his chest. His heartbeat steady beneath you, lulling you to sleep. You both need to get up, clean up, and get into your actual bed, but the bliss of finally feeling Atsumu’s hard body beneath you. Knowing it is completely yours, at least for a short while… You don’t want to relinquish it for even a second.

There’s another beat of silence before you speak.

“Wanna go to ‘Samu’s and get tuna tomorrow?” You ask.

Atsumu groans his approval loudly--so much so one would think he hadn’t just finished a massive meal with the Jackals. That signature cheeky grin returns to his face.

“Oh my god I love you.”

#atsumu x reader #atsumu x y/n #sub!atsumu #atsumu smut #haikyuu smut #atsumu such a lil bastard i wanna take him down a peg if u kno what i mean ;)))#miya atsumu

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arctichotch · 3 years

Text

spencer reid x gn!reader fluff alphabet

feel free to send more requests!

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

there is not a single thing about you that spencer doesn’t adore about you tbh but he loves how you love him if that makes sense?? he loves that you’re like one of the first people in his life that he’s met that actually listen to him and don’t interrupt him when he starts spewing information out

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

he loves your lips tbh he just likes to kiss them and then when you’re not kissing he likes to think about kissing you

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

this man is a mad man for cuddling. he’s like a cuddle addict. any way he can have you securely in his arms is what he likes. but he does particularly enjoy having you tucked into his side with his arm around your shoulders and yours around his waist. he thinks this position is perfect.

D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

he likes to go out to some little hole in the wall restaurant where he knows it will be nice and quiet. then after dinner he likes to take you out for a nice walk where the two of you talk about anything and everything

E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

he tries to be as open as possible with you. spencer being spencer has read a lot about relationships and is well aware of how important communication is in a relationship. he couldn’t bare ever losing you so if something is going on he makes an effort to talk to you about it

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

spencer would love kids. he has 100% day dreamed about your future together with little kids running around

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

he loves to give meaningful gifts. he remembers early on into your relationship when you got him a first edition print of a book he had been talking about for months and he remembers how he felt like his heart was going to burst. so he definitely tries to give as much as he can to you. he is a king at birthday gifts.

but to him, gifts have to have some kind of meaning. he’s not a materialistic kind of guy.

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

spencer’s hands are *so* big so when you’re holding hands with him his hands completely envelop yours. he likes to always be holding your hands. in the elevator on your way to the bau office? he’s got your hand. walking down the street? he’s got your hand. it makes him feel safe

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

spencer would be a total mess. he’s lost so much and can’t comprehend a world without you in it. so yeah he’s a mess. constantly going over statistics in his mind until someone nearly has to slap him out of his own mind.

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

if you are shorter than him then he likes to pat you on the head as a joke or hold things above him until you give him a kiss to earn it back.

if you are the same height/taller than him, he likes to sneak up behind you and wrap you in his arms. it always makes you jump a bit but as time has gone on you’ve learned to hear him come.

he also likes to show you his physics magic and wow you with that.

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

spencer loves a good spur of the moment kiss. loves to kiss you on the jet when no one else has arrived yet. loves to kiss you just as the elevator doors are about to open. he just loves kissing you. it’s like he needs it as much as he needs to breathe.

L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)

everything spencer does is with his love for you in his mind. dangerous unsub? he will make an effort to keep an eye on you even more than usual. he loves to show you things from his childhood like books he liked to read. he loves making dinner for you and surprising you with things like that.

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

probably one of your few days off from work when you were both in his apartment cuddled on the couch. you watching tv or reading and him reading a book. he remembers in that moment feeling like everything in his life had finally come together.

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

losing you. spencer is no stranger to loss but to lose you? he doesn’t think he could ever recover from that

O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

well... i mean it’s spencer. the man is made up of perfect quirks. but probably how excited he gets when reciting one of the numerous facts he has in his big brain.

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

he calls you by your nickname for the most part but he also sometimes comes up with random nicknames of cute things he sees. like that one week when all he did was call you duck.

you call him spence or babe which always makes him blush.

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

he loves reading with you. on the couch or in bed in one of your apartments. could be different books or the same one, either way he loves it. if you’re sharing a book, he obviously reads the page a lot faster than you and in that time while he’s waiting to change the page he loves to watch you. he just loves you.

R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)

falling in love by cigarettes after sex

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

as i said in ‘Emotions,’ spencer tries to be as open as possible with you. he doesn’t like secrets because he knows they only lead to negative outcomes.

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

it took a good while for you both to realise that there were feelings there that were more than just best friends. it seems everyone else knew before you. and when you both finally did realise there were feelings there, it took another while before you actually acted on them

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

spencer being spencer notices immediately when you feel upset. the smallest things let him know. and he hates it. he never wants you to feel sad so he will do anything he can to help you feel better. a favourite of his is to run you a nice, hot bath and make your favourite dinner. then spend the evening cuddling together. he’ll always try to get you to talk through whatever upset you.

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

spencer is quite modest for a genius. he doesn’t like to flaunt how smart he is, or how young he was getting into the FBI. the only thing he ever shows off is his knowledge of everything but you don’t even think he realises when he does it.

W = Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)

he’d fight for you and with you any day. for the rest of your lives together.

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

spencer can tell when the slightest things is off with you and he can tell when you are feeling positive. he just knows you so well. he has known you for ages and is very in tune with your feelings.

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

i think he would be nervous which would lead to him spouting off different facts about marriage. “did you know 50% of marriages end in divorce?” and you’ll laugh because where did that come from? then he pulls out a ring. “wanna be in the other 50% with me?”

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

you. just simply being in your presence makes him feel calm. he feels his heart rate slow and his mind calm down. you are all he needs to feel calm and relaxed.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer x reader #fic #my writing #spencer reid #bau #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds #spencer #reid #reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #fluff alphabet #spencer reid fluff alphabet #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x gn!reader #gender neutral reader

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heartofdepth · 3 years

Note

hi, how about Xiao (and Albedo if you feel up to it) with a gn s/o carrying them bridal style ? I just think it'd be cute. feel fre to ignore if you're not interested! have a nice day/night!

genre: fluff

tags: lapslock

under the cut because I wrote hcs for both !

xiao

you’re under the scrutiny of a handful of burning gazes of passerby. not many know of the adeptus, but those who do know of the brooding, serious young man at the top floor of wangshu inn that they’re advised to stay away from, will definitely be poking their noses as far into your business as they can manage

due to xiao’s nature, he won’t physically pick you up unless you’re in danger, hurt, or incapacitated in any way. being exhausted likely won’t even work as he’ll opt to piggyback instead, something he views as more efficient.

given this, he’s adamant not to set you down anytime soon until he sees to it that the problem is tended to

you could only ever dream of this happening, but now that it’s come to fruition, you realize xiao has no idea about the connotations behind his actions. if you try to enlighten him on why everyone’s staring, he’ll only get the slightest bit embarrassed due to being cast in a softer light that he’s not accustomed to- the illuminated guardian yaksha in broad daylight carrying his beloved around and now everyone’s bearing witness to it. he’ll sober right back up however, and ask straightfaced, “we are lovers, so is there really an issue?” there’s nothing the passerby are misunderstanding, isn’t there? is his logic

verr goldet will be saying both completely nothing and absolutely everything about what’s happening. she’ll grin smugly, raise an eyebrow and make conversation on anything that isn’t what’s right in front of her but it’ll seem like that’s all she’s referring to

please do trace xiao’s shoulder tattoos, it’s one of the few things that’ll get him to feel flustered about the situation; he doesn’t want everyone to see how soft he becomes by your side, something he’s still trying to adjust to from his sharp edged way of life

albedo

albedo is someone you could honestly just ask to his face if he could princess carry you and he’d oblige. he sees nothing wrong with it; he babysits klee, puts up with her whims, you’re his lover, so what other demands do you have for him? he’ll do his best to see it through

the real issue is getting him away from his research long enough to answer your request; he probably wouldn’t do it on the spot, but will try to schedule it like an arranged to-do list. “can this wait until after brunch? there’s been some adjustments i’d like to apply to this experiment that i would like to execute as soon as possible.”

once you’re in his arms, you’re set. he won’t try to say he has to get back to work or anything because once he sets time aside for you, he’ll stick with you to the end.

as per classic albedo, he’s effortlessly romantic without even trying; it just flies out of his mouth unironically- “you fit into my arms as pen strokes line together in art,” “don’t worry for me, i won’t tire if it’s for you,” “where shall we go next? i’m quite satisfied with my view right now, though?”

the day after you ask to be bridal carried, he starts bringing up doing it more often, usually out of the blue too! the sight of delight blooming across your face when he picks you up unprompted again is a moment he’d been attempting to render in his sketchbook

you think albedo’s found a new hobby in it, but you choose to let him silently feel his joy in peace when you see the gentle smile adorning his face whenever he comes up to you, arms open. in fact, he’d even be disappointed if you refuse, or say “not right now”. it’s kind of adorable to see in a let down puppy kind of sense.

#xiao x reader #albedo x reader #genshin impact x reader #anon #tumblr deleted what i wrote the first time through OOF

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crowsmybeloveds · 3 years

Text

Shadow and Bone Series: Chapter Six

Bag of Bones

Pairing: Jesper Fahey x Reader

Summary: Y/N opens up more to Jesper about her past with Pekka Rollins, which has some unforeseen consequences.

Word Count: 5.7k

Warnings: Past (physical, emotional, sexual) abuse; Drug use; canon typical violence; roofies; Pekka Rollins; the Menagerie

A/N: dear lord there is so much going on in this one idk where to start... but thank you guys again for reading ❤️❤️❤️ also I think there’s one more chapter before the rewrite but don’t quote me on that

Masterlist

When Y/N and Inej arrived at the Slat (after getting muffins, of course), Kaz was there waiting.

“It went well, I suppose?” Kaz looked at them expectantly.

Inej spoke up quickly, “You didn’t tell me she was going to kill him, Kaz.”

Kaz made eye contact with her, and spoke to Y/N. “So, you did it?”

“Of course,” Y/N replied, “I left the other alive. He’ll make sure the message is sent.”

“Good,” Kaz nodded, before pointing upstairs, “Go find Jesper, he’s been annoying me all evening about when you might come back.”

Y/N said no more, going up the stairs to Jesper’s room. When she reached the door, she could feel the nervous energy coming from inside. His light was on, and she could hear a light tapping sound. She knocked on the door.

“Jesper?” She called as she cracked the door open. He was sitting on his cot, anxiously bouncing his foot and fiddling with his pearl-handled revolvers.

He looked up at her, noticeably relaxing when he realized she was okay. He got up and walked over to her, his hands on her shoulders, giving her a once over. He noticed blood on her face, arms, and the back of her head from her brief fight with the man she had left unconscious.

“Oh, darling, what did they do to you?” His voice was sad, worried.

“You should see the other guy,” She joked, a desperate attempt to make him smile. It didn’t work.

“Kaz said you shouldn’t get hurt on this job,” he shook his head. “And it would be ridiculous to worry.”

Y/N shrugged. “I went in too early. It’s my fault.”

“Why would you do that?”

She bit her tongue. Because that man said he took pleasure in conning you, so I took pleasure in killing him. “Rookie mistake, I guess.”

“Okay,” he responded, nodding his head excessively, trying to think through what to do next. Suddenly, he pushed her toward his cot and then moved toward the door. “Um, you sit your pretty self here, and I’m going to go get some bandages.”

Y/N frowned. “You don’t have to —“

He narrowed his eyes on her. “Don’t fight me on this. Stay there.” He brought two fingers to his eyes to make an ‘I’m watching you’ signal, and then he was out the door.

When he came back, he had a few bottles and enough bandages to fix up every member of the Dregs.

“I never took you for a medik, country boy.” She laughed as he sat down next to her.

He shook his head with a small smile. I’d be anything you needed me to be, Y/N. “Let me see your arm.” He lifted up her hand so he could see the back of her upper arm, which was bloody and red. “Saints, what happened?”

“Oh, I killed one of them, as you do,” She took a large breath. His worried eyes and gentle touch made the air heavy enough that she felt like gasping. “And the other one got mad. Pushed me into a brick wall.”

He looked back at her face, jaw clenching. His seriousness made her nervous. Normally, he had a joke even in situations that really didn’t call for one. Now he was way too serious for the situation at hand. What was going on?

He was trying to clear his thoughts, but it was difficult. Even the slightest injury on her made him want to go ballistic, even if she had proved that she could handle herself. Jesper had always loved risk and danger, but he never wanted it to involve her.

Y/N noticed, and it made guilt fill her stomach. She could practically see his mind spinning at a mile a minute, and not in the way it normally did. Normally, the two would be sending jokes back and forth at record speed, now it was still and silent. Both of them felt uneasy and tense.

“Hey,” she placed her hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at her, “I’m okay. Relax.”

He nodded, turning back to her arm and picking up a bottle. “Right. I know. I just don’t like this.” He covered a rag in the liquid and moved it toward her arm. “This is going to sting.”

She hissed as he placed it on the wound. He worked quickly, bandaging her arm and moving to work on the back of her head. This one hurt much more, and tears sprung in her eyes as he worked. He was pulling a piece of rubble from the bricks out of her hair when he heard her whimper.

He flinched at the sound, placing a kiss to the top of her head. “Sorry, petal. I have to keep going.”

He finished with her hair and moved to clean the blood off of her face. They both knew that she could handle doing so on her own, but they didn’t say anything. She got lost in his gray eyes as he worked, and he looked more focused than he ever had in the time she knew him.

When he finished he sat down next to her on the cot, taking a deep breath. “Done.”

She noticed his hands twitching again and placed her hand in his, letting him play with her fingers to relieve his anxiety. He rested his head against the wall, closing his eyes as he breathed heavily, trying to regain his normal pattern. Y/N frowned at him, concerned.

“I’m sorry I made you so worried, Jes.”

“It’s not your fault,” He replied, sighing. “It just makes me nervous when you have to use your Grisha abilities in public. I know it’s dangerous for us out there.”

Her eyebrows furrowed. “Us?”

“Forget it.”

“No, Jesper, why aren’t you safe? What’s wrong?” Y/N sat up straighter, panicking.

Jesper swallowed. As much as he knew he should lie, he didn’t want to. He trusted her.

But he was worried about how she would react. He knew she wouldn’t have any prejudice against Grisha, seeing as she was one, but his past was always telling him to be ashamed. In all honesty, his powers had always terrified him, ever since he’d been told not to use them. It wasn’t just the strength that he carried when compared to his father, it was the idea that he should be doing something different, or be someone different. Maybe he was meant to be a soldier, like so many of the Grisha around him. What was he doing there, then? Disappointing people and playing card games? He had been hiding his powers from most of the people he knew for so long. Why say something now?

Despite all his anxieties, he told her. “I’m Grisha.”

Y/N’s eyes widened. “No.”

He looked back at her. “Yes.”

She sat up straight and smiled. “No way!” She shoved him playfully. “What kind?”

“A Durast.” He replied, feeling less anxious.

“Saints, we are both Fabrikators!” Y/N grabbed him by his shoulders. “That’s sick!”

He smiled back at her, but it was a small one. Even if she approved of him, it didn’t mean she should. He wanted to say that he was like her, able to use his powers despite not going to the Little Palace. Instead, he was just a confused boy who could barely bend a piece of metal.

“I’m not,” He shook his head, thinking, “I can’t really do much of anything.”

“That’s okay. I didn’t really want to learn either.” She told him, leaning forward to force him to look in her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“My dad didn’t want me using my powers,” Jesper spoke, feeling as if his throat was closing in. “My mom, um, she— my mom was,” He couldn’t get the words out and tears were filling his eyes.

“You don’t have to, I get it.” She interrupted, realizing it was a tough topic for him to talk about.

They sat back against the wall, Y/N holding onto Jespers arm and leaning her head on his shoulder. He thought she was too focused on playing with his rings to see the way he was looking down at her. His being a Grisha was something that had messed with him his whole life, but she had been able to calm him down about it in less than thirty minutes. It is getting harder every minute to keep myself from loving her.

Y/N was trying not to focus on the crush that she had on him. She still hadn’t forgotten the date he had gone on not long ago. She didn’t think that he wanted her. He had no reason to. So, she messed around with his rings, pretending she was more interested in the gems on them than the fact that she could feel his eyes on her. Eventually it stopped working, and it became overwhelming.

She sat up quickly and he held himself back from cringing at the loss. “What if we went and got some food, country boy?”

“It’s the middle of the night.”

“And?”

Saints, I fucking love her. “They have really good sandwiches at this one place in Little Ravka.”

“Perfect.”

An hour later they sat at a small metal table outside a restaurant in Little Ravka, watching the small boats go through the canal.

“Ok, love, how’s the sandwich?” Jesper asked, taking a sip of his drink.

“It’s really good.”

“Just really good, huh?” He teased. “Not the best sandwich you’ve ever had?”

She shook her head. “No, it is.”

“Liar.”

She looked up at him, rolling her eyes. “It’s good, Jesper. An amazing recommendation! You are truly the best sandwich connoisseur in all of Kerch! Need I praise you further?”

“Maybe just one more?” He smirked, picking his sandwich up again.

“Fuck off.”

They continued to joke as they ate their sandwiches. The anxiety of the night finally started to shed off of them as they enjoyed their meals. It was moments like these where they both felt so content with each other’s presence that their minds couldn’t find a way to ruin it. There wasn’t any dread or feeling that one wasn’t good enough for the other. Just longing glances and stupid jokes. A pair of crushing idiots.

As they walked along the canal on their route home, the sun was rising, and Jesper found himself more focused on the light reflecting on Y/N’s hair than the conversation they were having.

“...I wanted to be one so much.” She sighed, looking at the water. “It would be so much cooler to drown people to death than to drug them. Maybe that’s just me.”

Jesper tried to put together a response from the bits and pieces of her story that he had caught. “I can’t see you as a Tidemaker, although I’d imagine you’d still be your gorgeous self.”

She looked away to make sure he didn’t see the flustered look on her face from his flirting. Saints, does he ever stop? “Or, and I know it’s childish, but I bet, if I was a Squaller, I could figure out how to fly.”

He laughed. “I don’t think anyone has.”

“Well, I’m not just anyone.” She replied with a fake tone of anger in her voice.

His eyes lingered on her face. “No, I suppose you’re not.”

She tried to pretend she didn’t notice, but his flirting was becoming unbearable. How was this the same man who abandoned her for a date less than a week ago?

“Could you imagine if I could fly, though?” She tried to distract herself from her anxiety over him by ranting, as she usually did. “I could get such a good view of everything, and I’m sure Kaz would find a use for it. I could go anywhere, no fees or anything. Who is going to put a toll on the sky?”

Jesper smiled at her. He loved the way she looked when she ranted about something she was passionate about, even if they both knew it was stupid. He didn’t really care. He just wanted her to be happy. Saints, there was a heavy gold music machine in the Slat to prove it.

She kept going, pointing up at the sky to a bird overhead. “I’d be like a bird, just how they always called me.”

Y/N hadn’t meant to dampen the mood with what she had said, but Jesper stiffened at her words anyway. She had been referring to the men at the Emerald Palace. Specifically, Pekka Rollins, who called her a canary. Jesper remembered his words when Inej had first told him about the title. Of course Pekka would give her a creepy nickname. At the time, it had seemed like a joke. Now, seeing how every single aspect of that place had affected her in one way or the other made him feel sick to his stomach. He’d sell his revolvers and never play a hand of cards again if it meant he could go back in time and save her from her past.

“Why did he call you that?” He blurted, not even thinking.

She tilted her head. “Canary?”

A silence washed over them. Panic raised in Jesper’s throat like bile. “I shouldn’t have asked you that. You don’t have to tell me. I’m sorry.”

She shushed him. “No, no. It’s fine. It was weird.” She gulped and grabbed his hand, fiddling with his rings as they walked. “Warrants a question or two I think.”

“Are you sure?” He asked, concern in his eyes.

She nodded. “He called me that because I was his song bird. He’d tell me what to do and say I’d repeat it without a second thought. He gave me a song and I sang it.” She sighed, looking out at the water, feeling nervous. It’s just Jesper. He’s not going to treat you any different. “It’s pathetic, but I thought it was like a pet name, you know? Like, he told me he loved me and I was fucking grasping for it. Embarrassing.”

She tried to play it off like it was a joke. One of those stories that was a little bit embarrassing but you knew you’d laugh about it in the future. They both had a habit of reducing things down into something from a comedy, even when it should be a tragedy. When it should be something that would land them in a mental institution for the rest of their days. But because they both used humor as a way to deflect, they saw through each other’s bullshit like it was a piece of glass.

He knew the things she spoke about were hurting her, but she didn’t want to seem like she was weak enough to still be fazed by it. But he was. Pekka told her he loved her. After everything he did to her, he turned around and told her it was love. I’m going to kill him.

He tried not to show his anger in his voice as he spoke up. “He told you he loved you?”

Y/N nodded. “All the time. I don’t believe it now, of course, but at the time it was kind of comforting.”

“What?” His eyes bored into her, holding on to every word she said.

She picked at her fingernails, realizing that she wasn’t going to be able to laugh this one off. The conversation was beginning to feel too vulnerable for her liking, but for the first time, she decided not to run from it. Jesper is there for me. He’s not going to tell anyone, he just wants to know because he cares. “It was comforting, to feel loved. Even if it was…” she took a deep, shaking breath. “...The way it was.”

They had started to turn from the harbor into the city, passing more and more gaudy stands and sinful institutions as they got closer and closer to home in the Barrel.

Jesper had gone silent at Y/N’s last words, and it was killing her. She had thought that he wouldn’t judge her, but maybe she was wrong. Maybe he was trying to figure out how to curse her out for being a whore, or helping the enemy. Maybe, he finally got the information he needed and now she was going to go back to her stark basement.

He hadn’t really been quiet for that long. Maybe a few seconds. But to her, it felt like hours. The sky was getting darker and she felt a familiar fear rise up in her stomach. The fear that she wasn’t keeping good company. The fear that she had trusted the wrong man. Again.

“That’s not,” Jesper breathed his words out, still not fully understanding how to form them. His hands twitched toward his revolvers, longing to shoot something. “That’s not okay, love.”

Her heart dropped. “Sorry?”

“You don’t deserve that.” He said, his voice firm. “That’s not what love is, petal.”

He was trying to help her, show her that he cared, but his tone of voice and the words he used made her cringe. It reminded her of men who loved her because of the things she didn’t know. Men who took a liking to her innocence like it was their favorite ice cream topping. Something that could be taken off, abused, manipulated, indulged in. She got angry at the thought of Jesper treating her the same way. Of course I know that’s not what love is. I’m not a child. “You’ve got to stop doing that.”

“What?”

“Acting like I’m weak all of the time.”

His brows furrowed. “I don’t —“

“Then what is this?” She stopped suddenly, moving into an empty alley and placing a hand on her forehead as she spoke, “The flirting, and the pet names, and the patching up the tiniest scratches like I’m something so precious.”

Jesper threw his hands up in the air. “You are!”

“Why can’t you accept that I am not the perfect girl you think I am, Jes?” Her voice cracked. Most of the anger was gone, replaced with desperation. “I have killed so many people. I have seduced men into ruining their own lives. I am so fucked that I thought I was in love with Pekka fucking Rollins. What about me is untainted? Why are you begging and screaming for me to be so pure when I am obviously not?”

“I don’t understand why this has you upset, dove.” He looked at her with pitiful eyes, reaching toward her.

She pushed his arm away. “You are grasping at my innocence like it is something you require of me. It’s suffocating.”

He still wasn’t sure where this argument stemmed from, but he knew it ran deeper than him. She had an inherent distrust of people ever since he had met her, and he knew her trust of him was too good to be true. It still made his chest hurt.

He tentatively moved to hold her face in his hands. She shuddered at first, but after a few seconds she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, grasping tightly onto his arms.

“I don’t need you to be anything, Y/N.” Jesper softly reassured her. “You’re already everything.”

She opened her eyes and looked into his, looking for some sign of deception or contempt. There was none to be found. His eyes held so much adoration she swore she could faint. She didn’t want this. She wanted more. “You said I don’t deserve whatever Pekka Rollins gave me.” She bit the inside of her cheek. “What do I deserve, then?”

She knew it was childish to ask. To try and force him to admit feelings that she wasn’t even sure he had. But she needed to know. Was he there out of obligation? Pity? Friendship? What was keeping him from leaving her there, and treating her like every other member of the Dregs? She needed the answer, even if it might hurt.

Jesper had always suffered from an excess of energy, but now he felt like he was reaching a boiling point. He wanted to kiss her and hold her and tell her that he wanted her more than anything in the entire world. But she deserved sunshine, candies, luxury, and everything sweet and good in the world. And all he could give her was the miserable life she was living now.

What do I deserve, then? Her words rang through his head and he struggled to contain himself. He took a deep breath, reeling himself in. He had known the answer to her question for a while. “Better, Y/N. You deserve better.”

She backed away, her disappointment rising to the surface. He doesn’t want you. You got the answer you wanted. “I appreciate it.”

She was gone before he could even register her leaving.

Jesper walked up the stairs of the Slat, thinking. His mind was at war with itself. That was your chance to be with her, fucking idiot! One side argued. The other half fought back. She doesn’t want me! Despite the divide there was one thought looming over all of the others. I want to kill Pekka Rollins.

He had been angry with the man ever since Inej had told him about Y/N in the alley months ago, but now it was a pure, hateful rage. She could barely express herself to anyone without feeling attacked and now he saw the reason why. She’d been taught that love was painful and difficult in ways unimaginable. Of course she was struggling to be happy. She had been lied to about everything she’d ever experienced, and everything she did felt wrong because of it.

He hadn’t realized where he was headed until he got there. He wasn’t at his bedroom, a coffee shop, or even a gambling den. He was outside of Kaz Brekker’s office. Would it be ridiculous to go in? To confide in Kaz Brekker? Jesper found that Kaz was his best friend, almost a brother, even if it was silly to look at the Bastard of the Barrel that way. He supposed that was one of the things that brought the crows together: having an attachment to one of the deadliest men they had ever met.

Whether it was stupid or not, Jesper knocked and then pushed himself into the room, itching to rant to Kaz about his conflicting night.

Nearby in Inej’s room, Y/N had flopped herself onto a small cot.

“So basically he doesn’t love me and I’m never going to be happy. The end!” Y/N had just finished recounting the night to her best friend, who sat there with wide eyes. She had kept out the part about her “love” with Pekka Rollins. She doubted she’d ever be able to talk about that with anyone again.

“He said you deserve better!” Inej tried to make her feel better. “Not that he doesn’t love you.”

“But he had the perfect opportunity to say he wanted me and he didn’t go for it.” Y/N put a pillow over her face, her tone whiny and childish.

“But that doesn’t mean —“

“Inej, let me wallow.” She took the pillow off her face, glaring jokingly at her friend. “I need it.”

Inej looked at her, concerned, but with a small amused smile on her face. “It seems like you have had a long night where you killed a man and then went out for muffins and then instead of sleeping you went out for sandwiches with your crush—“

Y/N sat up. “And then he was trying to be nice to me and I got defensive and lashed out at him and then tried to get him to confess his love for me that doesn’t exist.” She stared at the wall. “I know the whole story, Inej, it was like an hour ago.”

“What I’m trying to say is maybe you deserve a nap.”

“To hell with what I deserve!” Y/N sighed. “If I hear that word one more time tonight I could throw up. I mean it.”

“Fine, then you need a good nap.”

Y/N narrowed her eyes at Inej, then opted to ignore her. “And you know what the worst part is?”

Inej struggled to hold in a laugh. “No, enlighten me.”

“He is so attractive.” She placed her palms over her eyes, groaning. “Like, the whole gun thing? I can barely stand it.”

“You cannot be serious.”

“I am!” Y/N replied, shaking her head, eyebrows knitted in anxiety. “The other day I saw him shoot this guy on a horse perfectly right between the eyes, and it was foggy. I almost passed out.”

Inej tilted her head at her friend, now openly giggling, remembering a conversation she had with Jesper a few days prior.

Inej, I swear to all the Saints if she had knocked out one more of those guards I would have married her on the spot. He’d told her, eyes lovesick as they walked back from a job.

Why don’t you tell her that? Inej smiled at him, enjoying seeing her friend so happy about someone. But she saw a wave of anxiety wash over him at her words, and decided not to press further when he shook his head.

Now, she was practically having the same conversation with the girl in question. Inej smirked to herself, thinking. This is getting unbelievable.

Still, she couldn’t tell anyone about any crushes that she may or may not have known about. She responded to Y/N’s fawning. “What is it about you and being attracted to violence? Should I be concerned?”

“Are you being serious?” Y/N asked her, her smile growing and her eyes widening. When Inej shrugged, she continued. “Hmm, let me think.” She placed a hand to her chin, tapping her finger. “Who else in this room has the exact same problem?” She spoke sarcastically, giving an exaggerated shrug.

Inej immediately got flustered. “Y/N, do not —“

“Oh!” Y/N pointed a finger at her friend. “It’s you! You are the woman attracted to the deadliest man in the Barrel! Not me!”

“Saints help me.” Inej put her head in her hands, hiding her embarrassment.

“Oh how the tables have turned!” Y/N smiled, all too happy to be teasing her friend again. “I’m just kidding, Inej. Would a muffin make you feel better?”

“We got muffins like six hours ago.”

“Right,” Y/N looked to the side, thinking. “What should we do, then?”

“I think you should go and talk to Jesper now that you are more clear headed.” Inej advised, always full of good advice. “Maybe this time you won’t yell at him.”

Y/N looked back at her with a doubtful expression. There are so many things I could do instead. She could have gone back out to the harbor, gotten more sandwiches, or muffins, or both, she could take that nap she so desperately needed, or she could lie and say she’s taking a nap and then get some of the jurda she was itching for. So many options that did not include another interaction with Jesper Fahey.

But despite the anxiety their fight gave her and the certainty that he did not love her the way she would like, she still craved his presence. She needed him even more than she needed the jurda she imagined sitting in her desk drawer in her room, waiting for her.

After some more reassurance from Inej, she walked out of the room to go and look for Jesper.

Kaz Brekker found her before she reached the first stair. Correction, Dirtyhands did. He stopped her movements by whipping his cane to block her path, causing her to look up at him.

“My office,” He demanded, turning away to lead her there. “Now.”

His tone of voice sent chills down her spine. She had heard stories of the ruthlessness of Kaz Brekker that had earned him his reputation and (in her opinion) way too many nicknames, but she had never experienced his wrath first hand. Every bone in her body shook as she sat down across from his desk in his office, wondering what she had done to upset him.

She did what she always did when nervous. Talk. “Boss, did I kill the wrong Razorgull, or did I kill him wrong? Either way one of them is dead and they know it’s because of you so —“

“How long have you been in love with Pekka Rollins?” He interrupted her. When she looked up she saw him leaning over his desk that he stood behind, his hands on the table. The way he stood when he was interrogating someone.

The mention of Pekka Rollins’s name caused her to shut her eyes closed and hold back memories. She could get through discussion of the man just fine when she knew it was coming, but when it was thrown upon her, especially in such a threatening manner, it was harder to handle.

After the initial shock of hearing the name, she had something entirely different sending her mind reeling. Did Kaz just ask about her loving Pekka Rollins, or was she dreaming? That was something she kept to herself for the most part. It was something that toyed with her, gave her nightmares, and made her feel like an idiot. She hadn’t told anyone for a reason.

No, she hadn’t told anyone except for Jesper.

Jesper told him. Betrayal and anger surged forward as she blinked tears from her eyes. I told Jesper one of the worst things about me and he ran to tell our boss an hour later.

She didn’t know how to respond, so she didn’t. Kaz was less than thrilled.

“You are,” He spoke, “in love with him, correct?”

Her back straightened. “No, boss, I don’t —“

“When do you have the time to go and see him, Y/N?” He asked, and she could practically see darkness traveling behind his eyes. “What information is there to be taken from your position in the Dregs?”

She sat back in her seat, baffled. Was he being serious? At what point did he decide her getting manipulated meant that she was some sort of spy for the Dime Lions? How do you even draw that conclusion?

Y/N took a deep breath and stared up at him, eyes hard. “Do you think for a second that I would betray you like that? That the second my opportunity comes I will run back into the arms of that man and wait for his orders? Whatever that man did to you, I did not do. I never did anything in that place of my own volition but leave. And now you say you can’t trust me because I may be on his side? This is fucking ridiculous!”

“He manipulated you for years,” Kaz snapped, “it would be shocking if you moved on from him this easily.”

“Easily?” She shouted back, standing up from her seat. “I have a thousand words to describe this entire ordeal and not one of them is easy.”

They stood for a moment, considering the things that had been brought up. Kaz didn’t want to believe that she was against him, but he also knew that he had to be careful. He did not mess around with much, but he was never messing around when it came to Pekka Rollins.

“If you don’t have any loyalty to him, then tell me.”

“Tell you what, Kaz?” She was over calling him boss. She wanted him to understand that he was betraying her with every word he said. It was not business to her, it was so personal that she could throw up, and she knew it was personal to him too. He didn’t deserve to feel detached from it. He deserved to hear his name.

“Tell me everything about Pekka Rollins that you know.”

She scoffed. “As if I haven’t already.”

“Oh, did you?” He responded. “I only seem to recall some muddled financial statements and the tears of a naive girl.”

“I was being drugged, Kaz!” She responded. “And, as you so lovingly reminded me, manipulated and lied to!”

“Forgive me for not believing the sob story anymore.” He glared at her. The look that made him into the terror that made even fools cross to the other side of the street as he passed. “Why even stay with the Dregs after you escaped, if not to gather information?”

Y/N was too angry to be afraid.

“There is nowhere to go and nothing to get me there. I have the Dregs, and I have Anais. That’s all.” Y/N was seething and a bad taste in her mouth was forming. Kaz is supposed to be smart, how can he not see that I am on his side? And why the fuck did Jesper tell him about this?

“And who’s to say you don’t also have the Dime Lions in your pocket?” Kaz fought back, “What if you have the gang waiting at the Emerald Palace for you to drop off information about me each week?”

This is getting unbearable.

She scoffed, making sure to look Kaz in the eyes before she spoke, “I owe you, Kaz, and against all good reason I trust you. I want to help you take that bastard down more than anything in the world, but whatever you are trying to find out about Pekka from me is never going to come out. I have told you everything I know about him that could hurt him. I am not holding back for some sort of love that never existed. You think I am plotting against you? That I am in love with Pekka Rollins and I am helping him bring you down? That man does not care who you are. He is so much bigger than you it is unimaginable. I want to help you with whatever you are doing to take that man down but we will not succeed if we do it like this. Right now, if he wanted you dead, you simply would be.” She shrugged, shaking her head. “And furthermore, if I wanted you dead, you wouldn’t realize until your last breath. I could tear you open from the inside with one well placed glass of water.”

Kaz Brekker stood silent. He was not stupid enough to underestimate the girl in front of him. That is why this argument had started in the first place.

She moved toward the door, her voice cracking as she spoke again. “You are not owed my past, Kaz Brekker. Not when I cannot even figure out which parts were real.”

#jesper fahey x reader #jesper fahey x you #jesper fahey fanfic #jesper fahey imagine #jesper fahey #shadow and bone fanfiction #shadow and bone x reader #six of crows imagine #six of crows x reader

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jaskiersvalley · 3 years

Text

Tipping Point

Content warning for sensory overload.

Everyone knew Lambert was quick to anger but just as quick to forgive. He could be butting heads with Geralt one minute, snarling and snapping then, ten minutes later, they’d be laughing and jostling each other merrily. It was just how he was, going up in flames as quickly as they were extinguished.

By contrast, Geralt would get more broody. He liked to remove himself from the situation, sit and stare off into the distance while he worked through whatever was eating away at him. Usually, after a day or so, he would either be back to his usual, quiet self or seek out someone to talk to - mostly Eskel or Vesemir.

The one that Vesemir worried for was Eskel. He was always there, always steady. Everything about him was so measured, even when he was frustrated, he would take deliberately slow breaths. On especially bad days his right eye would only half open, no doubt the scars pulling at it and causing issues. Really Vesemir had no idea how Eskel kept his cool like that. Even Vesemir himself was prone to yelling at the others when everything stacked up and he’d had enough. But never Eskel. At least, not in Kaer Morhen.

Like any other day, it all started off like usual. Everyone shuffled into the kitchen in various states of awake. Geralt dragged himself in and slumped at the table, not enjoying the existence of mornings in the slightest. Only marginally better, Lambert made it to the counter and was cramming whatever food he found into his mouth. That morning Vesemir had set out a bowl of winter berries for him. By contrast, Eskel was alert, face pulled into a slight frown and jaw ticking from where his teeth were clenched together. So it wasn’t going to be a good day for him. The other two were usually hit and miss at noticing though they usually carried on like nothing was different. This time it was just the same, Eskel sat rigid at the table, sullenly mashing up his oatmeal into pulp and picking the nuts out. His other hand was wrapped around a tankard which creaked ominously.

Eskel could feel the wood giving way under his palm. It was better to focus on that than the thousand other things clamouring for his attentions. He had woken up with each inhale like an icy shard in his jaw. The light from his window had stabbed through his skull. There was a draft which rubbed against his skin as though it was raw. It didn’t get any better after getting out of bed. His joints creaked, he could feel them as well as hear them and the only thing that drowned them out was the rushing of his blood in his ear, powered by the infuriatingly loud thumps of his own heart. Usually on such days Eskel could take a bit of time in the morning to meditate and collect himself. However, try as he might, he couldn’t settle, the air whistling through his nose grated on his nerves, his scars felt tight - not just the ones on his face but every single one of them on his whole body felt raw and burned. Old breaks in his bones felt weak as though they would give out any moment and snap again while his muscles locked tight around joints that had popped out of alignment before. Without the peace that mediation offered, Eskel did the only thing he could, he got on with his day.

The kitchen wasn’t any better, smells overwhelming and only made worse by the others. Eskel could smell their sweat, the lye on their clothes, and up close their breath. There was nothing he could do about it except sit, rigid at the table for as long as was polite before retreating. He had to try and be normal, if he could act it, it would all go back to how it usually was. The creak of the tankard in his hand annoyed him, he could feel the wood bowing, giving way until it could take no more. The crunch of the tankard drew everyone’s attention.

“Oh Eskel,” Geralt sighed with a grin. “You hadn’t forgotten how strong you were since not long after the trials.” He snickered and Lambert fought down a snort too.

The remains of the tankard sailed through the air and bounced off the opposite wall, landing with a sad clatter.

“Shut up! All of you!” Eskel roared. He had no idea when he stood up but now that he was up, he could only think of running, of getting away from all the smells, sounds and stares. There was a whirl of Chaos in the room, buffeting gently in the air, a reminder that Eskel was more closely connected to it than the others.

In the silence Eskel turned and marched out of the room. He had no idea where he was going, all he knew was that he needed silence and darkness. Without much thought he let his feet carry him deeper into Kaer Morhen, down corridors he hadn’t seen in decades. it was dusty, crumbling and stale but at least Eskel couldn’t smell anything other than mildew and dust. He shouldered the door open and shuddered at the cold of the basement. Pitch black, Eskel stumbled over an upended table and growled, punching it. The only wood, left untreated, splintered under his fist. Sitting down in the dust, Eskel pulled his knees to his chest and tried to silence his thoughts.

The kitchen was still in a state of shock. There was still ale dripping down the wall, the food from Eskel’s plate half on the table from where it had been forcefully shoved away.

“I’ve got this.” Lambert said out of the blue, leaving Geralt and Vesemir sat in an even bigger pile of confusion.

“He’s going to get himself kills,” Vesemir muttered. “Come on, we need to go help.”

Except finding Eskel and Lambert was more difficult than anticipated. Their scent was all over the keep so following it was pointless. They searched the regular spots, bedrooms, library, stables, armoury. The two were nowhere to be found. It was only by fluke that Vesemir caught scent of them heading down towards the basement, the dungeons where they no longer tread. It was dangerous terrain both physically and emotionally. None of them had been able to face the place in decades. Now though it seemed they had no choice but to go down there and Vesemir was ashamed to admit he was dreading what he would find.

A steady voice floated out from behind the closed door. “Section 3, humanoids, subsection 4, vampires, entry 2: Bruxae. They are-”

It was Lambert calmly reciting one of the bestiaries. There was no other sound, no raging, no destruction. Sharing a look, Vesemir and Geralt retreated a little, just enough to still hear but hopefully not enough to intrude. On and one Lambert droned, as if reading from a book except there was no light down there and certainly no books. It was soothing and Vesemir found himself not paying attention to the words as such, more focused on the cadence, the soft lilt and each gentle inflection Lambert’s words carried. Snapping out of the moment with the revelation, Vesemir looked to Geralt and found him in the same relaxed mood.

“I’m going to go quiet for a few minutes,” Lambert said, just as soft as before. “We’ll sit here and, if you’re ready, you can come to me for a cu-”

He was cut off by the sound of someone moving and barrelling into his chest, drawing a huff which ended in a small laugh.

“Hello there,” Lambert murmured. “Don’t squeeze quite so tight darling. Thank you.”

An hour easily passed and Vesemir waited. Eventually there was the sound of a sigh.

“Why don’t we get you back to bed for a bit, hm?” More shuffling, a soft groan and the door opened. Lambert looked at the other two but didn’t say anything. He staggered under the weight of Eskel hoisted in his arms but he stared a determined walk towards the bedrooms. Nobody mentioned that he was shirtless and it was draped less elegantly over Eskel’s head, cutting out as much light as possible.

In the evening Lambert appeared in the kitchen again, picking up some bread, soaking it in honey to soften and sweeten it. Along with that he took an apple and a spoon, content to scrape it into a pulp and a tankard of water.

“Is he okay?” Geralt asked.

“He’ll be fine. Will be back to usual by tomorrow, don’t worry.”

Vesemir had a more pressing question. “How do you know?”

There was a guarded look in Lambert’s eyes and he shrugged. “The Path is lonely, we meet up. It’s not all roses and sunshine out there.” After a beat he added, “Usually Kaer Morhen is remote and silent enough that he can keep it under wraps.”

That was as much as he was willing to say and he scurried off back to the bedroom with his spoils. Sure enough, the next morning Eskel walked into the kitchen, no different to any other day. Whatever ailed him the previous day seemed to be long forgotten. The only difference was, this time he sat down next to Lambert and wedged their shoulders together, quietly staring into his bowl to hide a tiny, soft and grateful smile.

#lambskel #eskel #lambert #vesemir #geralt of rivia #cw: sensory overload #tldr: eskel usually manages himself fine but sometimes it's too much

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everythingsinred · 3 years

Text

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt.7)

Well, Natsume's really in it now! Today we'll be talking about what lengths Natsume will go to in order to protect the people he loves. He's not a normal boy with a normal first crush, after all. He has no intention of wooing her or flirting. In fact, his instinct is to distance himself, and going forward we'll see that instinct is motivated by more than just a low self-esteem.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Natsume has some major character flaws. He’s kinda a jerk in general and is rude and abrasive. He’s chronically selfless and seems to be drawn to situations where he can sacrifice himself for others, which is a very unhealthy way to be. He’s also terrible at keeping his word.

Natsume only made this decision on his own, but he’s pretty bad at carrying through with it. He’s the one who told her to stay away, but Natsume will have more and more trouble staying true to such an agreement.

At first, he makes an effort: Mikan is being bullied for her stupidity and sees Natsume. He glares at her, another discouragement from coming any closer. He doesn’t argue with her or join in on the bullying.

But in no time at all, the whole class is riled up in study mode because of Mikan’s example, and for many kids in Class B, the best person to turn to for tutoring help is Natsume, who is actually quite smart when he actually does the work--though he’d prefer not to. And he does help, though not with any kind or supportive words. He’ll leave that to Mikan. Maybe to him it feels a bit like a cheat, like he can afford to give in a little bit. He later walks alongside her after an exam, like he’s part of her circle, and although he’s not really engaging with her like the rest of the kids are, it’s enough that he’s near her.

And it’s enough for the ESP and Persona to notice.

We can see the ESP looking down on them from his headquarters room, still covered in shadows to maintain his mystery, but his figure is familiar enough for a reread. Natsume has been caught and he will have to face the consequences.

Persona subs in for Makihara-sensei (and we must wonder if Makihara was really unable to proctor his exam or if he was ordered to stay away so that a point could be made to Natsume), and despite his disguise, Natsume can tell it’s him instantly. After all, he was supposed to recognize him. Natsume looks horrified.

So far, Natsume has had to more or less balance two very different parts of his life: a more light-hearted life in Class B and his life as a spy and black ops agent. They’ve been difficult to juggle because of how different they are, but they’ve been pretty separated. Here, the lines are blurring. Was there really any divide at all or was that just an illusion? Persona can invade on his happiness any time he wants, on a whim, and nobody else will notice that anything is amiss. Only Natsume will be bothered, and that’s enough.

Natsume later catches up to Persona, asking him what the hell all that was about.

Permy and his fans aren’t the only ones to notice that Natsume has been softer lately--he and the ESP have noticed as well, and he’s been ordered to put a stop to it. He mentions a “kitten of a different color” who has been of interest to the ESP too, and Natsume plays dumb, his last-ditch attempt to protect Mikan from being drawn into this.

Persona comments on the strangeness of seeing the infamous Black Cat that he trained himself, who he’s supposedly only ever seen in action, sitting and taking a test like a normal kid. He reminds him that he’s not a normal kid. There’s no point in trying so hard. He won’t make it to ever see his family again, so why even bother?

And then Persona makes a point to discourage Natsume from getting close to that “kitten of a different color”. Natsume argues that they’re the ones who made them partners in the first place! And he might as well be giving himself away. Again, Natsume seems convinced that the partners thing was a decision from pretty high up, but I don’t think it was. Here, it seems like Persona is trying to clean up the mess Narumi made before it gets too out of hand. Natsume is a perfect tool and anything messing with that is inconvenient. They can’t unmake them partners (yet) so the most they can do is threaten Natsume.

And now we can see what kind of alice Persona has. It's a real threat, killing that plant. It's a reminder to Natsume what he's capable of, that his friends and loved ones could end up just like that plant.

And so Persona does.

Natsume is anguished here, because he’s been trying his very best to avoid this situation, but he should have known that Mikan was already in the academy spotlight and his feelings would be quickly caught. It was too late from the start and he was doomed all along to add Mikan to the list of people he will do anything to protect.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

The next chapter opens with Mikan being confused and hurt by Natsume’s sudden new coldness. She has no idea what’s brought this all on, but we do. Natsume has no choice now but to completely try and cut her off. It’s for her own good, after all. If he’s not careful, she could get hurt. Protecting her is worth it, even if it means he has to be even more of a villain than usual.

We don’t see a lot of Natsume in this chapter, actually, because he’s trying really hard to stick by his word this time. We see him trip up a little, staring at her in class. When she catches him, he turns away coldly, but from this we can see that Natsume really doesn’t want to be leaving her alone like this. If he had it his way, in an ideal world, he’d be much nicer to her. Unfortunately, Natsume doesn’t waste his time thinking about his ideals, so he keeps at it, pushing her away.

The next time we see Natsume, it’s after we’ve been thoroughly introduced to the concept of the life-shortening alice. This is one hint of many that he has such an alice, several chapters before we get a real confirmation.

The scene where Natsume struggles on a bed full of pills is perhaps more dramatic in the anime, but it’s no less potent here. It’s like a sucker punch. You don’t want it to be true. He’s ten years old, for heaven’s sake! TEN YEARS OLD! And he’s suffering, hunched over, face red, gasping for air, clutching his chest, next to the biggest bag of medicine I’ve ever seen. It’s the biggest hint we’ve gotten so far, especially in the context of Kaname’s illness.

It's heart-breaking to imagine that most of the time, Natsume is simply pretending like he's not in absolute physical agony.

Kaname stays at the hospital for long stretches of time, staying for weeks and sometimes months at a time. He’s hospitalized more than he’s able to walk around free. There’s a lot to consider when that treatment is compared to Natsume’s. Natsume is the DA favorite and is sent on many missions. His trips to the hospital are never for weeks or months at a time, not because he doesn’t need the rest, but because the school can’t stand to go so long without their prize fighter. Natsume might be in even worse condition than Kaname, but there’d be no real way to tell unless we got it from him, because he has no choice but to put up with it and pretend like he’s not living in constant agony. And on top of being terribly and terminally ill, he gets physically beaten somewhat regularly… this school beats sick children and then threatens them when they find any inkling of happiness.

There is a bittersweet tone about Kaname’s story. He’s already sick anyway but he will probably die if he keeps using his alice, but he wants to, because he wants to bring people the same happiness that making Bear brought him. It’s tragic and heart-breaking, but it’s touching too. That sweetness is missing from Natsume’s appearance. His situation feels miserable and helpless in comparison, because not only does he have no way out, but nobody even knows the extent of his struggles.

He only lets himself feel this level of pain when he’s all alone in his bedroom. He’s been having a horrible past few days, having to ignore Mikan when she’s all that’s made him happy in recent memory. All that together, and we know that this night was a rough one for him.

The next day, we see everyone saying good-bye to Kaname. Once again, Natsume is completely separated from the rest of them, all alone in the classroom, sitting and looking as miserable as one can expect. It’s strange seeing him now after we’ve seen what his nights look like and just how painful they can get.

I just want him to be okay. Why is that too much to ask?

There’s some text on his panel: “I want the future I spend with the ones I love to last just a little longer.” Yet another hint that maybe his illness is more than just that. He has very little time left, and very little time to spend with his loved ones, but even worse: he can’t even spend time with Mikan because doing so would put her in danger. Even with Youichi and Ruka the amount of time he can spend with them is limited. They have their own lives and he doesn’t want to hold them back or hint in the slightest that there’s something up with him. He doesn’t want to worry or burden them. And so he sits alone in the classroom, looking despondent and lonely.

And now we know more than ever that this was never his choice: he has to be like this.

No, he’s not the asshole he makes himself out to be, somebody who doesn’t care about others and cuts others off because he thinks himself above them. All he wants is to protect people from getting too entrenched in his dark life. Natsume being this level of a jerk is a method to protect people, a method an adult would have to take.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

I’m quite relieved to have finally passed the point where the anime adapts the manga. From now on, I can focus entirely on the manga. I passed 22k words on this essay too! This whole thing will be sooooo long. I hope it’s an enjoyable read so far. It’s quite fun for me to write.

This chapter is the beginning of a long and dramatic arc. There’s been incidents of people losing their alices. The academy is withholding information about the gravity of the situation, lying that the students have not been affected so far.

But even with the little information the kids have, Class B is full of concern. Everyone is discussing these incidents, debating whether losing one’s alice would even be a bad thing. After all, they’d be able to go back home and see their families. Nonoko brings up a great point, that her alice is a part of her identity, something she loves about herself. It’s not something she’d ever willingly part with. Furthermore, she doesn’t want to leave all her friends at the academy either. Ultimately, the kids all agree that they wouldn’t want to lose their alices.

At this, Natsume stands up and leaves the room. He’s heard enough.

Natsume doesn’t just have complicated feelings about his alice--he feels hatred for it. After all, if it weren’t for his alice, he could live to a ripe old age. He could still be with his family. He could be happy, not used as a weapon by the academy to fight until he dies. He can’t relate much to the conversations about fondness for an alice. From what we can see, he’d be over the moon to be rid of it for good. This is a concept brought up now, because it will be incredibly important later on.

Not to spill about my personal life or anything, but I’m an English major (in an anglophone country so my focus is literary analysis and writing). Writing literature papers in school was a love of mine that I translated to my other interests. I’m writing what I can here about general themes and even visual parallels. I want to write as thorough an analysis as I can. Unfortunately, I can’t effectively pick apart word choices and phrases when they’re translated from another language and when so many conflicting translations may exist.

I’m saying all this as a disclaimer because I want to analyze word choice now and I am aware that this might not carry to the original Japanese or even to other versions of the English translation. (For reference, I’m using the TokyoPop versions for my analysis for the first 15 volumes and then I’ll be using whatever I get my hands on for the rest. The pics I use are from scans, but the main source I use for now is TokyoPop.)

"Nowhere!".... hmm let me read way too much into this.

Natsume leaves the room and Ruka chases after him, asking where he’s headed. Natsume responds, “Nowhere.” This might be a nothing point to make, but it stands out to me whenever I read this part. It’s a reassurance to Ruka, sure, but there seems to be more to it. On the surface, we can tell that Natsume doesn’t have a destination in mind; he just doesn’t want to be in the classroom anymore, listening to all that upsetting talk. Deeper than that, he really is heading nowhere. He’s stuck there, at the academy, unlike the rest of them who will eventually leave to go back home once they’ve graduated. Natsume will probably die at the school, trapped within its gates. He will probably never see his family again. He is, in that sense as well, going nowhere.

The rest of their conversation is just as packed with meaning. Ruka can tell something is up and he wants Natsume to talk to him, to let him in, but Natsume knows that Ruka has made a pact not to smile if he’s not smiling. So even though Ruka is asking and wants to know what’s wrong, Natsume won’t give anything away. Being miserable is one thing, but letting Ruka know that something is worse than usual would only make Ruka miserable too, and he can’t have that. The bottom of one page has him frowning, maybe steeling himself, and then at the top of the next page, he turns around with a grin to tousle Ruka’s hair.

Don't mind me. I am simply crying.

“It’s nothing,” he says with his smile, looking so gentle, and Ruka still looks concerned, but he can’t argue anymore.

In reality there’s a lot going on with Natsume. Later, when we are introduced to Tono, he mentions being concerned about Natsume’s health, having heard that he was making frequent visits to the hospital. We already know he’s sick and going on ceaseless missions, and on top of all that he has to ignore and be cruel to the girl he likes. It’s a terrible situation. But Natsume can’t tell Ruka any of this without worrying him, so instead he will keep it to himself. After all, it’s nothing that can be helped or changed. It’s something he feels he has to cope with on his own. To him, spilling his secrets would be selfish and only cause suffering.

Chapter Thirty

Iinchou has finally returned from his visit to his hometown. He’s brought gifts and anecdotes and everyone is quite happy to see him, until Iinchou attempts to use his alice and finds himself unable to.

It’s a shock to the whole class that a kid at their school has lost his alice. They had been so relieved that at least it wouldn’t affect kids like them, but now one of them is a victim too. It makes the fear much more real. If it could happen to Iinchou, it could happen to any of them.

Things get tense when Iinchou returns to class and says that this might have been the fault of a woman he encountered outside of the school, someone who was probably affiliated with Z. Everyone who was involved with saving Natsume when he was kidnapped is shocked to hear about Z again, but none more than Natsume himself. He gets up and leaves, just like he did last chapter.

He’s thinking about the proposal Reo gave, that Natsume should join Z and fight against the academy he despises. But he’s not alone with his thoughts, because Ruka followed him again, and so did Mikan this time.

She tries to ask him about Z, see if he has any more idea about what’s going on. She’s confused and he knows more than anyone what happened during that incident, but he’s refusing to acknowledge her presence, let alone answer any of her questions. He’s keeping up his charade of cruelty to keep her safe, but it’s driving Mikan crazy. She finally breaks, screaming at him that he should pay attention when people are talking to him, and further that if he has any issues with her he should just say it to her face.

Just like last chapter, we see a panel of Natsume steeling himself, ready to do the selfless thing to protect the other person. Only this time the next panel has him glaring at her, saying he doesn’t like anything about her. He hates everything about her.

Natsume has no choice but to lie all the time about how he's feeling, because everyone else must always come first.

It feels different, but in reality this is the same thing he did to Ruka last chapter. He can’t be honest about his feelings when he’s feeling upset, and he can’t be honest about his feelings when he’s actually starting to fall for a girl. He always has to hide his true feelings, repress and bury them, lie about them in order to protect everyone around him. It’s hard for him to do, but he thinks it hurts him more than it could hurt her, so he manages it.

What adds even more layers to this is that Ruka is observing the whole thing. He sees Natsume’s actions as selfless but misfires on the motive a little--but only a little.

He recalls eating strawberries with Natsume and Aoi, with Aoi cheerfully discussing her newfound love for the fruits. And so Natsume gives his to her. Aoi is surprised, because strawberries are his favorites. He responds easily, “I hate them now.”

"For you," Natsume says.

Ruka knows what kind of person Natsume is, that Natsume would reject something he loves so that his loved ones can be happy. They’re both aware that they like the same girl, and Ruka can’t help but put the math together and assume that perhaps Natsume is doing this for him, hurting himself and bringing himself pain so that Ruka can be happy and pursue a girl he has a crush on guilt-free.

He’s even more convinced of the theory with the tiny panel that reminds us of when Natsume shoved Ruka into Mikan so they could dance. Natsume loves Mikan too, but he wants Ruka to be happy, so he will give up and even ruin his own chances to help out his best friend over himself.

When I say it’s a misfire, I mean that Natsume has a lot of other things going on, including Persona and his imminent death. It’s not that he definitely isn’t doing this for Ruka, it’s just that it’s not as major a factor as other things. He’s mainly doing it because of the threats from Persona. If Ruka is involved in his thought process, it’s mainly a bonus. Ruka’s theory is definitely not unfounded; just not completely accurate.

In any case, it does add extra substance to the dynamic between the three of them, where they all walk away from the moment with completely different kinds of misery.

Before any of them can sit with their sadness, though, they receive word that an intruder from Z is at the school.

Conclusion

In this section, we explored how Natsume has no choice but to distance himself from everybody, and even how the methods he uses to distance himself look different depending on the person. Ultimately, despite the fact that he isn't the sweetest kid you'll ever meet, Natsume being cruel to this extent isn't a quirk of his personality: it's what he has to do. If he didn't have so many things being held against him, he might be much kinder to Mikan, or more honest with Ruka, but he has no choice in the matter.

In the next edition, we're getting more involved in the Z Arc and going into how come Natsume goes from telling Mikan he hates her to backing her cause and going on a dangerous mission with her.

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binxyu · 3 years

Text

When people spoke of love, you grimaced inside. You had never felt truly loved before and the only person you had ever wanted couldn’t have you. Love? It can be deadly. It can be staggering. It can be the end.

>>Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x reader | best friend!hyunjin x heartbroken!reader

>>Word Count: 2.8k

>>Genre: Oneshot / Requested / Angst

>>Warnings: Mentions of murder, s*icide, mental illness, self harm, mental and physical abuse, and death

Hyunjin had always been suspicious of your boyfriend. It was natural for him to be protective but something had always been off about him. Maybe it was the way your boyfriend always had his arm around you when he was around or that bruises showed up on your skin when you spent time with him.

Whatever the reason was, Hyunjin didn’t trust him and he couldn’t help but worry about your safety and happiness. When you two were alone, you always seemed so happy and excited to see him. But, whenever you met up with him or your other friends when your boyfriend was with you, you seemed tired and depressed.

Of course, Hyunjin could’ve been overthinking, but he had known you for so long that he knew when you seemed off. You were the only reason Hyunjin was even still alive and you lit up his world. Seeing you constantly depressed, unmotivated, and in pain was so different. Hyunjin hated that different.

“Y/n, you feeling okay?”, Hyunjin asked now that you and him were finally alone. He had noticed as soon as he saw you that your cheek was bright red and there were small bruises spread across your wrist and arm. You had tried to hide them with your long sleeve, but Hyunjin still noticed.

“Oh, yeah I’m fine!”, you smiled softly, a smile that would usually make Hyunjin smile too but he knew this one was fake. It was forced and that was obvious. He knew because he also used that fake smile a lot. The only time he didn’t was when he was with you.

“Okay... let’s go get you those new clothes then”, Hyunjin smiled back, deciding not to continue talking about it. He wanted you to at least be happy with him for a little bit, so he held your hand and walked with you towards the nearest clothing store.

“Hyunjin! What about these?”, you held up a pair of shorts and the man smiled at you, thinking you’d look cute in them. He said you should try them on and he’ll get them for you, but you remembered the dark bruises and scars all over your thighs and realized you could never wear shorts again. You held back your tears and shook your head.

“It’s getting cold out! I better get jeans instead”, you smiled at him and Hyunjin’s eyebrows furrowed. It was warm outside recently and spring was coming soon, but he didn’t comment on it. If there was a problem then he assumed you would tell him like you always did.

Help me. Please

That’s what you wish you could tell him, but you knew your life would be in more danger than it already was. Hyunjin’s life would be too. He didn’t know enough about your abusive boyfriend to keep himself safe.

He didn’t know that your boyfriend hit you, slapped you, and tried to kill you. He didn’t know that he was a criminal and would kill you if you tried to leave him or tell anyone. The less Hyunjin knew, the safer he was. You knew that.

“Okay, let’s get jeans instead”, Hyunjin nodded and you were thankful he didn’t ask questions. You went through more stores and Hyunjin spoiled you, trying to make you feel safe and happy for a few hours. He also had noticed that your clothes recently had been ripped and dirty, so he wanted to get you new ones.

“Thank you”, you actually let out a genuine smile as you watched Hyunjin carry all the bags of clothes he bought you. You tried to tell him to stop and let you buy them even though you knew you couldn’t afford them. Hyunjin still bought them anyways and you were beyond thankful.

“Your welcome”, he put his arm around your shoulder and kissed your head like he always did. You felt your heart beat a little faster and you mentally scolded yourself.

Calm down. If you love him then he will be gone.

That thought always appeared in your head whenever you were with Hyunjin. You loved him more than anything, but you couldn’t accept that. You couldn’t act on that. He would be dead if you did.

Or I will be.

You knew that about Hyunjin’s scars and depression. You were the only reason he lived and you knew that. You saved him and without you there would be no Hyunjin.

If I die then so does he.

That is why you put up with your boyfriend and faked a smile. Your love for Hyunjin kept you alive. It kept you fighting.

Fighting for another day. Fighting against your thoughts that told you to end your pain and leave. Fighting against everything against you.

Just to see the man beside you smile. Smile just another day.

“Let me at least buy you some hot chocolate”, you begged and Hyunjin pouted, but he eventually agreed and you let out a sigh of relief as you two walked to a café together.

“You know me too well”, he chuckled and you rested your head on his shoulder happily.

The worst thing of it all, Hwang Hyunjin, is I still want you.

I want to love you, kiss you, and protect you, but I can’t.

“Here you go!”, you handed Hyunjin his hot chocolate and he sipped on it, letting out a hum from the sweet taste. You loved his reaction to sweets. It was always so cute and that’s why you just needed to get him hot chocolate. You always wanted to see that reaction each time you met just in case you never saw it again.

“You really are my best friend. Thank you”, Hyunjin patted your head and watched as you drank some of your hot chocolate. He laughed when there was a little whipped cream left on your upper lip.

“You have got to be doing this on purpose. It happens each time”, the truth was you definitely did it on purpose. Every touch from Hyunjin was precious now. It was the only touch you didn’t flinch from. The feeling of just his thumb rubbing the whipped cream off your lips was precious now.

“Maybe~”, you joked and giggled, holding Hyunjin’s hand again as you two walked out of the café. You two happily sipped on your hot chocolates as you walked. You knew your boyfriend was coming to pick you up soon and you should probably let go of Hyunjin’s hand, but you just couldn’t. You couldn’t bring yourself to let go of your light because if you did then he might just flicker out.

“I knew it”, Hyunjin said after a little bit of walking in comfortable silence. You raised an eyebrow at him and turned your head to look at him.

“Knew what?”, you asked and Hyunjin looked into your eyes, noticing how they had tear stains around them. You looked down and saw that he had lifted your sleeve up all the way. You didn’t even notice since you were so deep in thought.

��He’s hurting you, isn’t he?”, Hyunjin took a deep breath as he looked at the deep cuts on your arms and bruises. You shook your head immediately.

“No no! I just got them when I fell the other day”, you lied straight through your teeth. Well, for the most part. You did get them from falling, but that fall was not an accident. Not by far.

“Y/n... the truth”, you still refused to tell him the truth even though you could tell he knew. He knew everything. He had.

“I promise it’s the truth”, you lied again and Hyunjin sighed. He rubbed his finger over one of the cuts and then lifted your arm to kiss it.

“Just... never hurt yourself by staying with someone like that. Never”, his heart hurt as he felt your pulse on your wrist speed up. You hadn’t been loved in so long and he knew it. You were hurting and he had no idea why you wouldn’t just tell him the truth.

“Goodbye Hyunjin...”, you whispered and sighed before you took his arm out of his grip and shoved your hands into your pockets as you walked towards where your boyfriend was parked. He had seen it all. You knew he did.

“You’re an idiot, you know?”, your boyfriend chuckled and shook his head in disbelief once you were inside the car.

“I told him I fell. Don’t worry about it”, you sighed and realized you made a mistake when your boyfriend gripped your jaw harshly and turned your head towards him.

“Did you just tell me to do something?”, you whimpered when he slapped you across the same cheek he had this morning. You knew it was definitely more than red now and likely bruised.

“I-I’m sorry. It won’t happen again”, you felt a tear go down your cheek and your boyfriend wiped it away with his thumb.

“Then stop crying like a pathetic bitch. Damn... I should’ve killed you when I said I was going to”, he shook his head and started the car, pulling out of the parking spot and starting to drive towards his apartment.

You just held your bruised cheek and covered your mouth with your free hand, tears going down your cheeks as you tried to see Hyunjin. He was looking away from the car on his phone and you looked down to see your phone had a notification.

Tell me. Tell me you need help.

You read the message and kept quiet, wiping your tears away and trying to think of what to say. You just messaged him that you were fine and put your phone up. Eventually, you hoped, he would drop it and accept your lies as truth.

“Clean up the house and then I’ll give you your phone for an hour”, your boyfriend instructed once you got back to his apartment and you nodded, quickly getting to work on cleaning. Your boyfriend went through your phone as you did and you were thankful you had deleted Hyunjin’s message before he took it.

“You do realize he likes you, right?”, your boyfriend asked as you folded his laundry. You looked at him briefly before you continued working.

“Who?”, you asked back, not even caring in the slightest since you would never be able to love anyone else again.

“Hyunjin. It is quite obvious”, he answered back and you stopped what you were doing, accidentally dropping one of the shirts in the wrong basket and you quickly picked it up and fixed it.

“How?”, you looked at him and he chuckled, walking over to you and gripping your jaw.

“I was kidding. No one could love you. You are obviously too desperate”, you should’ve seen that coming, but, somehow, his words made you think about it.

Does Hyunjin love me? Like I love him?

You pushed the thoughts out of your head once your boyfriend let go of your jaw and went back to lay on the bed. You let out a quiet sigh and continued cleaning.

Once you were done, you finally got your phone back and a moment alone. You did what you always did and facetimed Hyunjin. Just the sight of his face was enough to make the soreness in your body worth it.

“Y/n!”, he exclaimed, obviously excited to see you for some reason. You giggled and waved your hand at him as you laid on your bed.

“Hey Hyunjin, what are you so excited about?”, you asked curiously and he brought a big stuffie into the camera. You looked at the bear in awe.

“This! I won you it!”, he smiled and, somehow, you fell in love with him even more than you thought was possible.

It’s going to be the death of me, but I can’t live on like this. Surrounded by lies.

I love you Hwang Hyunjin.

“I love you Hwang Hyunjin”, you didn’t expect the words to come out as clear as they did. You knew your boyfriend heard those words. He heard everything, but you finally felt free. You spoke the truth for the first time in months.

“Y/n... I love you too. More than anything”, Hyunjin smiled softly on the screen and hearing him say those words somehow broke your heart more than heal it. Tears started to stream down your cheeks as your boyfriend slammed the door open and walked over to grab you.

Goodbye.

You put your thumb on your palm and closed your fingers around it, hoping Hyunjin knew the symbol. It was the symbol for abuse.

You kicked and screamed as your boyfriend grabbed you and turned the call off. He threw your phone at the wall in anger and shoved you onto the ground, kicking your stomach over and over. You could feel the bruises forming and the pain spreading through your body, but, at the same time, all you could think about was Hyunjin’s words.

Y/n... I love you too. More than anything.

You smiled. Through the pain, you smiled.

“What are you fucking smiling about?!”, your boyfriend yelled and you finally had enough. You were free. Even if it would only be for your final moments of life.

“I’m loved! Unlike you! You will never be loved”, you retorted and the man looked shocked before he grabbed you by the hair.

I love you more Hyunjin.

“What did you just say?”, the man looked down at you in anger and there was no way you were backing down now.

“You will never be loved. I never loved you. Fuck you”, you spit in his face and he wiped it away before picking you up and walking to the roof as you kicked at him and screamed. The building was always empty at this time and he knew that.

“I hope it was worth it dumb bitch”, he sighed once he got to the roof and put you on the ledge of the building. Only one tear went down your face. That tear was for Hyunjin. Only him.

He held you there tightly and, for a moment, you actually felt at peace. The wind blew into your hair and the sight of the city was beautiful with all its lights. The stars were only barely visible, but they were there. They were waiting to greet you once you left.

Maybe I’ll become a star. Maybe I can still look out for my love.

Hyunjin. I will miss you. I’m so sorry.

“Y/n!”, you thought the voice was just in your mind until your boyfriend briefly let you go to turn around. You tried to run away from him, but he grabbed you again. You looked at Hyunjin, his hair in a mess as he looked at you from the door. He looked back at you.

“Let her go”, he tried to rationalize with the man holding you and you shook your head at him.

“Leave Hyunjin. Live your life”, you smiled softly at him, reassuring him you were going to be okay.

“No. I can’t live without you”, your boyfriend scoffed at this and moved towards the ledge again.

“We will meet again. Just not in this life. Just be strong in this one without me”, you sniffled, holding back your tears as you were placed on the ledge again.

“I-I can’t. Please fight”, he moved slowly closer and you shook your head.

“I can’t Hyunjin. I don’t have any fight left”, you eventually let your boyfriend push you off. You weren’t really scared surprisingly as you started to fall. The wind felt nice against your back and you were free. Free of pain.

Well, you were at peace until you felt a pair of arms wrap around you. You opened your eyes to see Hyunjin’s face right in front of your’s and the building you were pushed off of in the background.

“No. No! Hyunjin no!”, you desperately cried out and he shushed you, kissing you passionately. You kissed him back as you could feel your bodies nearing the ground.

“I love you. Let’s be together through everything. Go together. You know I couldn’t live without you”, you did know that and you wrapped your arms around him too. Both of you were holding onto each other tightly and Hyunjin turned with his back facing the ground, hoping somehow he could save you. You knew it was hopeless though.

You were going to die in each other’s arms.

“Goodbye Hyunjin. I love you too. I’m so sorry”, you shoved your face in his chest and he stroked your hair.

“Shhh, it’s not goodbye”, he cooed before everything went black.

For this life, it is.

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foxzcomics · 3 years

Text

DSMP Sanders Sides AU?

This is an AU me and my friend came up with (they don’t have a tumblr, if they do get one I’ll tag them), this is very much a Work in progress (W.I.P), but we’ve had some fun with it. The basic premise is that every member of the SMP has their own sides. It’s a known fact, so it’s not weird to see someone talking to themself. People can’t see each other's sides, you can only see your own, (Tommy can’t see Ranboo’s sides, but Ranboo can see his own sides) (I hope that makes sense) I won’t go too in depth in this post, just a basic overview of what me and my friend came up with. We haven’t done all the characters in the SMP, these are all the ones we’ve done so far.

The characters we have done and their sides are under the cut.

Starting off with Tommy sides, we have: Tommy has two Chaos sides, Disk Innit, and Patriot Innit. Disk Innit embodies mostly harmless fun, mainly when Tommy started the drug van with Wilbur, the cartel, and silly money making schemes that tend to involve drug dealers. Disk Innit doesn’t want to hurt anyone, he just wants to annoy them or make them laugh. Patriot Innit is a different story. He causes problems on purpose, and likes to cause others issues. Patriot Innit is the one who gets into the wars and conflicts, and even starts them. However, he is very loyal, and will fight for what he cares for till the very end. Loud Innit is the embodiment of just how much Tommy screams and yells, and other such things. He embodies the need for attention, for people to see Tommy and acknowledge him. He hates being ignored, and people disagreeing with him. He’s known to buddy up with both chaos sides a lot. Clingy Innit is well, Tommy’s clingy side. He’s a very shy side, and doesn’t fully interact as much. He’s the one who calls others clingy, and when people call him out for being clingy, Clingy Innit will back off fast (mostly replaced with a chaos side or Loud Innit). Clingy Innit hates the idea of losing those he cares for, and has strong opinions about everyone. They buddy up with Loud Innit sometimes when they’re feeling brave, which isn’t often. Finally, we have Exile Innit. This is the side that deals with most of Tommy’s trauma. He’s the fight or flight, the one who eats the gapples when he feels the slightest bit of danger, the panic from an unexpected noise. He’s the opposite of Loud Innit, preferring to slink away and keep safe rather than be seen or heard in fear of being hurt again. He rarely works with the other sides, preferring to stay secluded.

Then we have Awesamdude. His sides are: Dad, the one who cares a lot about any of the children on the server, mostly Tommy. He worries about Tommy constantly, and is very protective over him and the other children. He is stubborn and refuses to give up on those he cares for. Warden, the one who runs the prison. He’s strict, uncaring, and his top priority is the prison and making sure Dream doesn’t escape. He does care about the others, but they're not his top priority. Warden doesn’t get along with the other sides, he wants to, but he puts his job first. So he’ll listen to the other sides when he can, as long as it doesn’t hinder his work. He and Dad have a rocky relationship, Dad thinks he could care more, Warden thinks Dad cares too much about the others. Then he has Valentine. Valentine cares deeply for Ponk, and wants to save him from the egg, and to spend as much time as he can with Ponk. Valentine and Dad get along, but Valentine and Warden have a horrible relationship, and have even gotten into physical fights with each other. Sam has a hard time with his sides, as they never seem to get along, and it makes things much harder than it has to be.

Badboyhalo’s sides are: Wholesomeboyhalo, a kind hearted and sweet demon. He just wants to make sure everything is kid friendly and doesn’t like conflict that much. He cares deeply for his friends as well. Wholesomeboyhalo represents just the overall vibe that BBH wants to keep around himself, where people are happy and don’t make crude or mean jokes. He’s happy most of the time, and a joy to be around. Annoyedboyhalo is the side for whenever BBH gets annoyed about anything. He’s quick to call people out and not afraid to yell. He and Wholesomeboyhalo are friends, as annoyedboyhalo wants to keep wholesome happy, and mostly shows up whenever someone curses or is crude. He’s also very petty, and almost constantly stressed out. He needs sleep. LANGUAGEboyhalo wasn’t originally a side. He was kind of the fusion of Wholesome and Annoyed, and with it being common for them to work at the same time when yelling at anyone who makes an adult joke or says any curse words, LANGUAGE just, ended up popping into existence to fill the role. LANGUAGEboyhalo shows up whenever someone curses or says anything suggestive. He gets along with Wholesomeboyhalo and Annoyedboyhalo, though he doesn’t like Tommy. Piningboyhalo came around when they met Skeppy, mainly because of how Skeppy and Bad’s lives are intertwined. He cares deeply for Skeppy and is very protective as well. He’s also been nicknamed ‘clingyboyhalo’ and ‘jealousboyhalo’, and has given up on fighting the nicknames. He’s willing to do anything to keep Skeppy safe. Anything. Dadboyhalo is a combination of when Wholesome and LANGUAGE have influence. He isn’t an actual side, but is distinct enough to have the nickname. Typically ‘shows up’ when Sapnap is around. T̹̅-̱͍̠̼̎͐̈̈́_̧̤̟́̿̚ ̧̧͈̥̬̏̈͊̐͘5̣̪̰̇̿͞!̭͛ ͔͖̺̳̓̅̿͡ ̛̹͇͒̍͟_̳̣̝̩͙̈́͆̒̑̒

We also have Skeppy’s: Clingy is very attached to all of Skeppy’s friends, and willing to fight for them to the death. He’s the one who is connected to BBH’s life, and the one who gets jealous over things. He doesn’t like even the idea of losing the people he cares for. Chaos, also known as Chaos in Control, or Let’s Cause Problems on Purpose, is Skeppy’s chaotic side. He likes to crack jokes, make pranks, and in general be absolutely feral. He and clingy sometimes butt heads, as his antics get’s Bad angry, and that makes Clingy sad. Flirt is an interesting side. Flirt only flirts with BBH, which is odd, because there are no sides that have only one purpose. Flirt likes to hang out with Chaos, when they team up it typically ends in an angry BBH, but Flirt seems to get distant after that. Skeppy and the others don’t really like to talk with flirt often. No one asks about the side. _͚̦͕̑́͂7̪̼́̎͑ͅ-̡̨̗̥̔̓̓͡ ͔̤̼͊̀̉̓͢3͈̺͓̞̇͐͐̾g̡̘̏͆͒ͅ_̨̹̼̙̓̈́̄̎

#tommyinnit #dsmp #dream smp #tommy innit #badboyhalo #dsmp bbh #dsmp tommy #dsmp au #au #sanders sides au #dsmp x sanders sides au #awesamdude #smp sam #smp skeppy #skeppy #op doesn't know how to tag #if I need to add triggers tell me #this was fun to come up with #sometimes to avoid the world you come up with AUs with your friends

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falling-heights · 4 years

Note

Your goku vegeta rivalry was amazing thank you! But I am a bit curious about Vegito could you please give us your analysis?

Pride, passion, desire, and the power to make the universe bow to his very presence.

You can’t possibly hope to imagine the length this man would go to make you his forever. And Vegito is a special case in terms of fusions. His hair isn’t the only thing he has going for him.

He exists as his own entity, and despite being a combination of vegeta and goku, they’re own individuality disappears entirely when he comes into play. He is entirely unique to his own philosophies, and his actions are all the more unpredictable because of that.

When it comes to emotions, the needs to satisfy that itch will remain, but his motive will change. It’s no longer what Vegeta wanted or what goku wanted. (vegito makes his own damn decisions) Now, in terms of motive, it’s a tad different than either of his predecessors.

Vegito is born with the predisposition that you already belong to him. Unlike goku and vegeta, Vegito likes to go in full swing. In other words, he does not feel it necessary to win your heart since your life is already his to control, his to toy with, and if need be, his to take. But don’t kid yourself darling, he’d never be that merciful. He’s compassionate, sure, likely the most you’ll ever see from anyone else, but you’d never

He’s an experimental type of man. Vegito wants to test the water. What are your limits? What makes you tick? What can he use against you?

Before he can set forth any kind of foundations for a relationship he must know you more than you know yourself. It’s better this way. You’ll never be hurt by him or anyone else if he’s always leagues ahead of you.

Vegito can effortlessly render anyone helpless to him, but he’s a playful bastard. He’ll take his time and toy with you first. The challenge you give him is everything. He doesn’t want easy game. If you don’t fight back or give in too easily, he’ll grow bored and be forced to get serious very early on. For your sake, the more playful he is, the better. You don’t want him to get serious. He’s the most dangerous when you force him to get serious.

He is possessive, obsessive, and cruelly unpredictable. His reactions are based entirely on his mood, and because he always masquerades his true emotions, you won’t know what he’s thinking. It’s quite the disadvantage considering you’re easier to read than an open book.

Vegito is quick to confront. He doesn’t like unease, and is quick to recognize when something is wrong. Even the slightest of changes will catch his attention. He knows everything. When you lie, when you’re nervous, when you’re flustered by his advances. He is always observing and taking note. And he won’t let it slide. He knows what to do in order to make you confess.

And you always know when it’s coming. You see, Vegito only shuts up when he’s thinking about something, or if his mood has taken a turn for the worse. He’ll fall silent, his eyes will grow dark, and often he’ll stare at you for a long moment before bringing up his suspicions. And you ought to know he’ll almost always make it physical if you try to lie.

He may hold you from behind, securing your arms against your chest, and lightly snaking his other hand around your neck. Every time you avoid the inevitable answer, his grip tightens.

Another method he may choose is to pin you down and list all the things he could do to you right then and there until you’re either on the verge of crying or you’ve decided to give up. Your answer will decide whether or not he’ll actually do any of those things. He doesn’t tolerate disobedience, and you need to be chastised when you break his trust.

“Did you really think something like that was gonna work on me? You must really think I’m an amateur…"

Once he’s sure you’ll remember your mistake, Vegito’s mood shifts abruptly. His sadistic side is quelled, and he becomes quite carefree. He may or may not take care of you after his little outburst, depending on how dependent you really are with him.

And vegito doesn’t forget; he learns from his mistakes. He won’t be quite as easy-going until you’ve accepted him and this life. Until then, he must teach you the values of loyalty and discipline by any conventional means he sees fit.

Despite these occasional “lessons,” Vegito has incredible self-control. He can get surprised and even angry, but he never loses his footing. If anything, you’re attempts to get a reaction will only amuse him. He finds it cute that you have the guts to say such things despite knowing just how powerful he is. It’s that much more fun when he puts you back in your place.

But don’t catch yourself lucky, even if he can tolerate your contempt. He’s not a forgiving man. And it’s an inevitability that you’ll push him too far one day. it would be best to remember dear that he’s not the god he acts like. He’s still a man. He can still snap.

“If I’m being honest, that did sting some, but maybe I’ll be merciful if you beg for forgiveness nicely…”

He’ll toy with death. He’ll tease you, jokingly saying that your death wouldn’t be such a big deal, like he doesn’t actually care about your safety, but he won’t kill you. That doesn’t necessarily mean he won’t abuse you. If death did come knocking, it would be by accident. And it would be something he could easily correct with Shenron. Though, of course, he’s an unstable soul. He may end your life and bring you back simply to teach a lesson about obedience.

In all things centered around control and dominance, Vegito is unquestionably superior. Though, of course, this still has its downsides. Vegito’s exists to be the perfect fusion warrior, a godly being with unimaginable skill, intelligence, and power.

However, he’s not quite as refined in the more… doting elements of a relationship.

Don’t kid yourself, he can still put on one hell of a show, but he’s far too demanding and teasing to be anything less than a bully. It’s a learning process for you both. His mood swings work against him, and he barely recognizes the fault in his inconsistency. This would only change if you accepted him.

He knows how to please you, he knows how to manipulate you, and he knows how to hurt you. It’s only a matter of time.

And there is one thing you must never forget, my dear: He has no limit, in passion or in crime. He’ll go to any length you compel him to. Whatever it takes to keep you in his grasp. Many will die by his hand. Some because they thought they could aid you. Others because you were foolish enough to cry for help. Each one would meet the same fate, all in your name.

“You’re getting pretty desperate if that’s the best you’ve got, I’d say. Why don’t you just give up already?”

Check out my other stuff!

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere dragon ball z #yandere vegito #vegito #yandere oneshots #yandere headcanons #headcanon #yandere dbz #yandere dragon ball #yandere db #yandere dbs #dragon ball super #dragon ball #yandere dragon ball super #dragon ball z

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smutty-ki113r · 3 years

Note

Greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you to much. May I please have a romantic matchup for creepypasta? You can do some nsfw stuff too if you’d like, no pressure though. My pronouns are They/Them and I’m bisexual with a preference to masculinity. My Myers Briggs type is INFJ and Enneagram type is 4. My star sign is Taurus, moon sign is Gemini. Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m rather introverted, and can be considered not a people person. Because of me dressing in all black and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers and murder documentaries. I also like to visit abandoned hospitals and houses just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. A friend of mine even likes to call me "discount vomitboyx". I’ve also been called "doomer boy kinnie" before. I also can come off a little bipolar. I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start conversing, which may or may not come off as rude to people. When I finally become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. Most of my humor comes off really insulting, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke if it becomes a problem. Lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. I’m a huge animal person though. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’m the type of person that has lots of opinions on things but I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and aggressive. Especially with the types mentioned above. I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, reading and or listening to music ( My Chemical Romance, Arch Enemy, MurderDolls, Mindless Self Indulgence, Get Scared, sometimes Will Wood, Lemon Demon or Mother Mother, etc. ), or even occasionally gaming on my switch or read and talk about Greek mythology. I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. I’m guilty of being very submissive, and the slightest touch can fluster me like crazy. Especially around my sensitive areas ( neck, thighs, hips, crotch, and hair.). Call me a masochist, but rough love has always been a fantasy of mine. I suffer from asperger syndrome, depression and anxiety. I have small tics, but they only flare when I’m stressed or mad. I’ve also been developing a eating disorder. Random fact, I wear chokers a lot, so my family sometimes barks at me like a dog. It’s annoying as fuck. If you do get to this, thanks for your time. - coii

I match you with…..💕JEFF💕

Slight NSFW bellow~

You sort of sound like a less intense Jeff, but that also means you would be able to understand him because you share similar behaviors. Plus it looks like you like some things he likes so I’m gonna give it to you. ALSO WAS THAT A HEATHERS REFERENCE? BECAUSE IM GONNA WRITE A JEFF FIC BASED ON DEAD GIRL WALKING.

I think Jeff is a hypocrite but dosen’t realize it. He would probably call you emo or something and then fail to acknowledge himself. (This is purely satire). If he sat down and watched slasher films he would say such: “I could do it better” or “wanna recreate this? I could show you how”. Jeff isn’t one to be afraid of others but he most definitely scares them off, he’d probably stick by your side and make it so that you guys are a really intimidating couple.

Congrats! Jeff’s humor also comes off as super insulting, but I’m sure you will learn it’s just a joke and start using insulting- as flirting. Jeff is a dog guy, cause of Smile obviously, so you’re good on the animal person front. Bottling up emotions and then turning aggressive, sounds just like him. If you did break past your limit though I feel like it would be in an argument with him and you would both just end up sobbing to eachother, a bit sentimental and a bonding moment. Side note, Jeff likes that music too.

Touch starved you say? You know who else is touch starved? Jeff. Hug him please, once you do he won’t let go. If you fall asleep in his arms he will definitely run his fingers through your hair and if you wake up he’ll claim there was a bug on your face. He will explore all the abandoned places you want, or if you’re alone he will scare you. He’s that kind of guy.

ROUGH LOVE, yeah that’s Jeff. Will for sure fuck you good and hard so you can’t walk after, loves to see your legs shake. He will wear a cocky grin so make sure to slap him to get it off. If you want him to hurt you he will gladly do so-physically- I don’t think he wants to see you cry. Ties you up and all that jazz too, slapping and choking like a master.

This is just my note to you, eating disorders are hell. I know it feels like amazing 3/10 % of the time but (wait thats wrong, i can’t math im gay.) but anyway, the early stages are when you have to act. I encourage you to seek treatment of some sort, I know it can be overwhelming and the guilt is just unbearable, especially as time goes on. Dosen’t matter what you look like and what kind of ed it is, they are all bad and can be extremely dangerous. I would know, I almost died. But also, I know you’re just trying to find a balance but sometimes that can be hard. I’m proud of you because I know deep down you just want to feel ok.

(Btw, for educational purposes: Bipolar disorder /there are 2 types/ isn’t “crazy”, it’s categorized by a series of manic phases switching to depressive phases for weeks up to months. It’s also manic depression, having no motivation and such and then feeling like you can do anything and there will be no consequence)

#creepypasta #creepypasta smut #jeff the killer headcanons #jeff the killer creepypasta #jeff the killer x you #jeff the killer x reader #jeff the killer #creepypasta matchups #creepypasta fluff #creepypasta hcs #📯#♠️

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zims-left-shoe · 4 years

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Hi, I absolutely adore your stuff!!! Its my birthday soon and I would be forever grateful if you could write me something for Zim? I dont really mind what it is or what it's about. I'd just be happy for cute headcannons. Thank youuuuuuu!!!!💞😘

Sure!! I finally got to this. I’ve been wanting to write some headcanons anyway, but I have a lot in my ask box so I just haven’t gotten to it yet. This is basically a list of various headcanons that are cute (in my opinion), they don’t really have a specifc theme!

Cute Zim relationship headcanons (all are my personal opinion)!!

Irkens are touch starved, since the entire empire is basically one big military. Love within Irken society is incredibly taboo, as is physical affection. Most forms of physical contact between Irkens tend to be painful (i.e punches, kicks, strikes). The whole concept of romantic relationships was a bit of a culture shock to Zim.

That being said, the very first time you had attempted something in that vein (even if it was something as simple as a hug or taking his hand), he wasn’t quite sure how to react. At first he was very jumpy. However, if you would pull away, he would immediately bring you back in.

In the beginning, you would have to be the one to instigate anything romantic. It wasn’t necessarily that he didn’t want it (he was pretty much hooked on physical affection the first time you held his hand), rather he was too proud to ask for anything. He didn’t want to be seen as weak, begging for attention. He was Irk’s finest soldier after all!

Eventually, he had stopped caring about that. Once he gained confidence with the whole thing, he would make the first moves quite often. Because if he wanted it, he would take it (within your comfort level of course).

Zim is a clingy bastard. Too conceited to admit it, but clingy nonetheless. If you ignore him for too long, he will begin to bug you in the most obnoxious ways imaginable. Trying to work or be productive? He’s basically the equivalent of a cat, he’ll just lay right across whatever you’re trying to do, or right on top of you to prevent you from accomplishing anything. If he can’t do that, he’ll bitch and moan until you acknowledge his existence. If you somehow manage to ignore him after all of that, he’ll get all schmoopy and lay on the ground all depressed like (basically that one scene from ETF) until you go convince him you still love him.

(more under the cut)

Despite being cautious with hugs at first, he learned to love them. Again, he would never say this aloud, but they make him feel warm and safe. Zim would never verbally ask for a hug, rather just slither his way into your arms. This happens often, especially when he’s unhappy. Sometimes he’ll even use his PAK legs along with his arms, although he’s very careful when he does this since they can be sharp; this usually happens if he thinks you need to be protected from something, even if it’s not a physical threat (breakdowns worry him, he believes you to be in danger from something he can’t fight).

Holding hands is something Zim likes a lot. Not only does it feel nice, he’s discovered it to be a very effective way to show the world that you are his, and that he is yours. He tends to be a bit jealous and overprotective, so if he feels that there is even a minor possibility of your relationship being threatened, his clinginess goes up a thousand percent. Anytime you walk anywhere together, you better believe your hands are linked.

Cuddles are also a thing he loves dearly. Once he gets comfortable, Zim is definitely a cuddle bug. It’s like a hug but better! And if you’re at his place, there is a ninety percent chance GIR is joining in. Just like one happy family! Again, if he initiates it, he won’t ask for it. You could just be sitting on a couch and he’ll slowly curl himself into you, gradually latching a limb at a time onto you, until you’re both just a mess of tangled arms and legs. But, oh, if you even make the smallest remark about him being cute, he’ll throw a hissy fit and say that he’s just doing this for your sake, not his own enjoyment (and then two seconds later he’ll be purring and chirping in your arms, content as can be).

Zim is competitive as hell. He’ll turn anything into a competition if you let him. If you remain passive and assure him that, yes, he is the best, he’ll leave it at that. However, if you don’t back down and try to give him a run for his money, expect an all out war. You can use this to your advantage. For example, want him to be overly-affectionate for the day? Challenge him to see who can do the most nice things for each other. Even if he says that’s stupid, he’ll still accept the challenge and suddenly you have the sweetest alien in the universe. He will never back down. Ever. So these little games will be drug out for as long as you let them. It’s best just to let him win after a day or two.

Dates with Zim are either the most outlandish thing you’ve ever done, or the most charming and romantic. There’s no in-between. And they can go from zero to a hundred real quick. Typical Earth dates make no sense to him in the slightest, so even if he does try to take you on a cliché date (dinner and a movie, stuff like that), it will most likely go horribly wrong as a result of poor planning. Those dates tend to be the funniest, but they frustrate him to no end since he clearly can’t get them right. He tends to be more successful when he stops trying to think like a human, since he really can’t. Lots of dates in space ensue, which tend to be both exciting and amazing. Although everywhere he takes you isn’t anything special to him, he can tell you’re having the time of your life, which is enough to satisfy him. GIR probably tags along a lot (not only is he a great robot son, he makes an excellent wing man).

Kissing is a very strange experience for him. Zim has never understood the act itself or its appeal, and at first found it rather disgusting. Eventually he gets used to it, but he’s still completely confused by it. It’s not his favorite thing, and he definitely has to be in the mood for it, but he’s more willing to take part in it. Especially if it becomes competitive; pray for yourself then, because you have a monster on your hands. And if someone just won’t get the hint, kissing is his way of telling them to step off before they lose a limb; he’s a jealous little devil when it comes to you.

As time goes on, you’ll begin to notice that several articles of clothes of yours have gone missing. Zim likes to take jackets he thinks you won’t miss anymore, because as previously mentioned, he’s a clingy bugger, and so when you can’t be around him, he’ll put one of those on while he works down in the lab or is doing repairs. If he gets it dirty, he’ll sneakily throw it with the rest of your laundry and take another one.

Zim is extremely proud to have you. He will show you off to anyone and everyone who will listen, including his Tallest (who seemed rather confused). At first it was embarrassing, but you had just learned to roll with the inevitable.

If you ask very nicely (i.e. offering cuddles and feeding his ego), Zim could be convinced to give you a lesson on flying the voot cruiser. Does it go well? Well, Zim’s piloting skills are...not consistently amazing, his teaching skills even less so, but you didn’t kill yourselves. You would have thought he would be pissed after the ship was docked in the hangar in worse condition than it had left, but surprisingly he was even more motivated to teach you to pilot an Irken ship. Mainly because it was a way to spend time with you in a way that he could understand, but nonetheless he made flying lessons a regular thing.

Expect gifts constantly. Despite his evil plans going horribly wrong all of the time, Zim is actually incredibly skilled when it comes to tech. So, he makes you things. A lot. They tend to be things that are actually useful, with far more advanced technology than anything available on Earth. Plus, Zim is a million times more helpful than an IT guy. Your phone or laptop not working? You can take it to Zim and within five minutes not only is your original problem fixed, but the device itself has been completely upgraded with Irken tech to give it more functionality and efficiancy than you could have ever dreamed of.

Overall, despite his flaws and being a massive pain in the ass, Zim is a cutie in his own right. :)

#invader zim #headcanon #invader zim headcanons #zim x reader #invader zim fanfiction #invader zim fic #request #fanfiction #fanfic

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prettyboy-asmo · 3 years

Text

Brothers (+Diavolo and Solomon) reaction to GN! MC fainting

A request from @bigg-crybaby HC for how the brothers + Diavolo and Solomon react to the MC fainting because of a diet/ ED.

TW: Discussion of EDs, Diets, disordered eating, fainting.

Note: Disordered eating is something I’ve struggled with in the past, so I know that like most things in life it’s experienced very differently for each individual. I also want to make a note that My messages/ask box is always open to anyone who might need to talk for whatever reason. (I also put all the tags i could think of for tw but if I missed one please let me know so I can correct it.)

Lucifer:

It happens one day when you join him in his office to work on your homework for RAD, you just want to be able to work in peace and don’t have the energy to listen to the usual bickering.

you stand up to grab something you’d left in your room and suddenly the room is tilting and oh boy, you think, because you know how this goes.

Lucifer catches you before you hit the floor and sits you in the armchair, unsure of what to do.

Lowkey panicking but trying very hard to keep a semblance of calm.

you don’t appear to be in any immediate danger, so he messages his brothers and asks if they noticed anything strange with you lately. as his brothers respond the pieces finally put themselves together.

Mammon replies first- They were sleepin late today and when I woke em up they insisted on skippin breakfast to be on time. then comes Satan’s reply, they didn’t eat at lunch, they said they’d gotten some snacks between Classes from Beel and went to study instead. And finally, Beel, I didn’t see them at all this morning.

When you’re aware, you’re greeted by Lucifer’s concerned gaze. “MC,When is the last time you ate?” for a moment you expect Lucifer to be angry, but his expression remains concerned. “Please talk to me, MC,”

Eventually, you admit that you last ate at Dinner the night before, finally telling him that you’re struggling- it’s a habit, You tell him, suddenly unable to meet his gaze, Sometimes I can’t even stand the thought of a meal.

He’s angry with himself for not noticing before now, and he swallows his pride and Admits he doesn’t really know how to help- but that doesn’t mean he won’t learn.

He makes a point to sit with you at meals- if it’s too much for you, eating around so many people, He’ll start taking you to his study or his room to eat with him.

Lucifer is gentle about the whole thing, but not patronizing or babying. He’ll ask you to take an extra bite, or sit you down and tell you to eat, but he still treats you as an adult, besides his extra vigilance of your eating habits, he treats you no different then before- he knows you are anything but Fragile (Or at least, no more so than the average human is fragile to a demon.)

He tells you that you can deal with this together, and he means it. Good days and Bad days both, he’s right there with you.

Mammon:

You’re walking back to the house from RAD with him when you’re suddenly aware you’re very light headed. You sway once, hand trying to grip Mammon for stability, then tip forward as black edges around your vision.

Mammon Catches you and is instantly in Protective Panic mode

He doesn’t know what to do in the slightest- he spends a few seconds weighing his options before turning in the direction of Purgatory Hall- the only other Human must have an idea, right?

He doesn’t make it very far by the time you’re already stirring in his hold, a little out of it as he slows his movements, afraid to jostle you, but he’s rambling- “Ya can’t die on me, Human, alright? I’m your first man and I’m supposed to protect ya!”

You tell Mammon you’re not dying, urging him to just take you back to the House of Lamentation.

He hesitates but relents when you promise to explain things. Refuses to let you walk back though, he doesn’t want a repeat performance.

You explain that you’d saw this diet going around- how being surrounded by incredibly fit and attractive demons spurred you to try it so that maybe you could feel a little better about things- but you hadn’t had breakfast, or lunch, and dinner last night- he knows you didn’t eat enough to fill or keep your energy up.

He’s heartbroken. “MC, ya don’t need to try any of that bullshit, ya hear? You’re perfect. And ya gotta eat to work! Humans especially!”

He’s constantly checking that you’ve eaten enough. Even if you insist on only eating specific things, he always makes sure they’re available to you. Even when he’s not on dinner Duty he’ll make a specific dish on the side if it makes you feel more comfortable and keeps you healthy.

Mammon becomes much more open with giving compliments, no longer hidden behind jabs.

He might go a little overboard with his protectiveness/ checking in sometimes, but if you tell him he’ll back off after making you promise to tell him if you need him for anything at all.

Still lowkey keeps track of things, just to make sure you actually are okay, just doesn’t vocalize it as much.

Leviathan:

You and Levi are playing games in his room when it happens. You’re exchanging your usual banter, both of you focused on the screen of the game when Levi notices you go quiet.

You blink a couple of times, the controller in your hands feels heavier all of a sudden, and you can’t quite remember the right button combinations to press- or even focus on the game.

It all happens within seconds, your vision goes black and you drop the controller, the noise of the game and Levi’s panicked voice seemingly coming through a long tunnel.

Levi Panics. He abandons his own controller and game, “MC? MC!?” he shakes your shoulder slightly, breathing a sigh of relief as you stir.

Your head is throbbing and you can feel the slight shake in your limbs

“You fainted,” Levi said, his frantic worry still evident in his voice, the way his hand lingers on your shoulder despite how adverse he usually is to physical affection, “Are you Okay? Have you been feeling sick?”

I’m not sick, you say quietly, “I’m sorry,” His genuine concern stirs something in you, and you’re crying before you even realize what’s happening, “I’m sorry for scaring you.”

“Wha- no, No don’t apologize!” You want to shake your head, but the lingering dizziness prevents you from doing so. “Do you know what happened? S-Should we get you a doctor or-”

“No doctors,” you say quickly, “I- Uh, I haven’t eaten today,” His confused expression draws the admittance out of you, “I didn’t feel like I should.” Oh. Oh.

He understands a little bit, his own self esteem isn’t the best and he’s had his share of self deprecating thoughts but to see something like that manifest in you...he can’t stand it.

He’ll help you in any way he can. He’ll even leave his room for every meal and go to RAD to have lunch with you everyday if that’s what you need.

Makes a habit about asking if you’ve eaten that day. He’d even started carrying around little packages of snacks that you enjoy in case you haven’t and insist you at least share one with him

His worry for you is obvious, but not really suffocating. He understands the need for space, so as long as you can assure him you are actually alright, and that you’ll at least eat a little and that if you start having issues you’ll come to him, he won’t have an issue stepping back for a bit.

Will still attend meals to make sure that you are to, and subtly watches to make sure you actually eat things from your plate.

Offers his room to you anytime you need. Is it easier for you to eat while you have something else to distract you? Dinner time Anime sessions it is.

Satan:

You finish the book Satan had given you, realizing the other book he’d recommended for you is on the couch next to him. You stand just a little too fast and you curse your mistake as the familiar feeling of falling takes over.

Surprisingly calm. Catches you seconds after he notices what’s happening.

You become more aware in Satan's hold. He’s maneuvering you to his now empty spot on the couch, setting you down and saying something, you’re still a little fuzzy, but when his eyes finally meet yours the look of concern on his face is painfully obvious.

“MC, What’s goin on?” His tone is calm, but there’s an edge, “That isn’t normal,” he says when you remain silent

“Don’t be mad”, you say and a whole new wave of concern washes through him. Are you sick? Injured? “I used to- I’m having trouble with...food.”

It takes him a minute to understand. He sits next to you on the couch, and gently begins to question you. “Can you tell me why? Can I help?” He doesn’t push you to explain, but he does ask that regardless of what you tell him you let him try to help you.

While he does research things, he always asks you if you think something would help, rather than suggesting it. He leaves it up to you to decide what you’re comfortable with.

Will let you eat in his room or join you in your room if you’d rather eat away from people.

He reads about ‘safe foods’ and asks if you have any. If you do, he makes sure there’s always some in the house (Even if he has to go to great lengths to hide it from Beel.)

Doesn’t try to hide his concern, makes sure you always eat something but he makes sure not to overwhelm you. As small of steps as you want- he’ll be there for you.

Asmodeus:

Asmo had begged you to go shopping with him. You honestly didn’t have the heart to tell him no.

You are just entering the third store when you notice your vision blur and darken at the edges, all the sounds seeming far away.

When you come to, you’re in Asmo’s room, tucked under the blankets. Asmo perks up from a chair pulled closer to the bed, handing you a glass of water. He waits for you to finish your drink before he speaks, “I asked Solomon to check on you.” And what did he tell you? “You know that you’re perfect, right? I’ll remind you as much as you need to hear it.”

He’s so genuine when he says it, your resolve to remain distant about the topic begins to crumble. You’re all so beautiful and I just feel..I’m just- I thought that maybe if I could lose some weight-

He cuts off your rambling there, “You’re gorgeous, MC. Every part of you. You don’t need to change anything about yourself for anyone but yourself.” He pauses, his eyes searching your face for something before he continues, “And if you truly feel you must change, You can not endanger yourself to do so, do you understand?”

He waits for your answer before saying anything else. He asks that you promise to come to him whenever you feel that way.

He’s always been open with affection and compliments, but it intensifies- He’ll shower you in compliments while still being entirely genuine.

If you seem in an off mood or you do come to him with concerns, he’ll offer a spa day or shopping trip. If you don’t want either that’s fine to- he wants to make you feel better so whatever it is you need, he’s got you.

While he has full trust in you to come to him if you need him, he’s still keeping a close eye on you. He checks in often but it’s usually subtle enough that you don’t even think twice about it. Even when he’s more straightforward about it it never comes off as pushy or nosy or overwhelming, just genuine concern and curiosity.

Assures you that he’s not going anywhere, through good days or bad, he wants to make sure you are healthy and happy.

Beelzebub:

Knows something is up when you’re consistently offering him unfinished plates of food, but he doesn’t say anything because maybe he’s wrong? Humans don’t need as much food as he does, after all.

But when you insist on joining him in running laps and after only one pass he sees you stop, eyes squeezed shut as you lean forward, trembling slightly- he’s by your side just in time to catch you before your legs give out.

You regain focus in his arms, “MC.” He sounds confused and worried, brow furrowed as he speaks, “You haven’t been eating enough.” You can feel the flush on your face, unsure of what to say. “Are you ill?”

Not physically, you say without thinking, and regret it when the furrow of his brow deepens, It happens sometimes. When I’m stressed. When I need to control something. When I feel… bad about myself. You try to explain.

“I don’t completely understand.” he admits, “But I want to help you be safe. Can you help me understand?” So you explain it as well as you can to him, try to convey what it feels like for you.

He gets a grasp on it eventually, and then his questions move on to how he can help.

Offers you bites of his food more often, and no longer asks if you’re going to finish your plate.

He won’t even take your offered plate if he thinks you’ve eaten too little of it, but he won’t outright press you to eat more.

He’s always carried snacks around for himself but now he has all the snacks he knows you like to. He even manages not to eat them so he always has them for you. (He’s extremely proud of this, and you are rather touched when you find out from Belphie.)

Even though he doesn’t fully understand he does everything he can to make things easier for you.

Make sure you know that he wants you to be safe. He knows it’s not good for Humans to constantly skip meals or under eat, (He asks Solomon how much a human should be eating, just to make sure you are getting enough.)

If you tell him there’s certain food you feel better eating, he’ll avoid those during mealtimes until he’s certain you’ve had as much as you want. He’ll even avoid them during his late night snack runs that way you’ll always have the option to eat those if nothing else seems okay to eat.

Belphegor:

He comes to your room pretty often looking for a nap buddy. It’s no different this time, except you’re at your desk, staring at your homework but not really doing anything.

“MC,” you start a little, turning to Belphie, “You look like you could use a nap.” You think that sounds like a pretty good idea. You push your chair out and stand, but just a few steps towards your bed you wobble, stomach swooping and blinking rapidly to try and still the spinning room.

Belphie steadies you, placing you on the bed gently as you finally seem to come back to yourself. “MC? Are you okay?”

He doesn’t look outwardly panicked, but his heart is pounding and he’s trying to figure out what the hell that was.

I need to eat, you admit, your hands are shaking in your lap, and you try to clench your fists to make it stop. I didn’t eat today. He knows you keep a stash of snacks in your room for Beel, so he grabs something out of that and hands it to you.

He doesn’t really ask questions, he just sits next to you and waits to see if you say anything to him first. If you don’t tell him anything, then he will ask what’s going on.

Whatever the reason, he doesn’t want to see you putting yourself through that. Makes you promise to talk to him if you need to.

“Humans have to eat to stay healthy, MC. I don’t want something to happen to you.”

Already used to carrying snacks around for Beel, just starts carrying more, in case you weren’t able to eat breakfast or can’t stomach a full meal.

Subtle check ins. He’s not pushy but he can be slightly overwhelming sometimes. He wants to know that you’re okay and sometimes it’s almost like he’s looking for reassurance that you aren’t hiding something from him. If you tell him to step back a bit, though, he will.

He asks you if you’ve eaten before you nap together. He loves naps and cuddles, but if you haven’t eaten they’ll have to wait until he makes sure you do.

Solomon:

You and Solomon met at least once a week to study together. So that’s where you were, heading to Solomon’s room in purgatory hall. He’s just a couple steps behind you, and you’re telling him about the latest scheme Mammon tried to cook up when the stairs ahead of you tilt.

Your hand latches onto the banister and you stop, waiting for the feeling to pass. But it doesn’t this time, instead you hear Solomon’s voice buried under the rush of blood in your ears and everything in your sight is blurry around the edges. .

Solomon catches you, cursing to himself as he steadies you and then lifts you to carry you the rest of the way up the stairs.

You wake up in Solomon’s bed, the Sorcerer sitting at the foot of it and simply watching you.

“Is there something you’d like to talk about, MC?” His tone of voice tells you he already knows, and you decide there’s really no use in trying to hide anything from Solomon.

It’s just a diet, you tell him, but he shuts that down quick, “Diets are not supposed to make you faint, MC. You’re smart enough to know that.”

He’s not harsh, but he’s firm. It’s obvious he’s coming from a place of genuine concern and wants to make sure you aren’t endangering yourself.

“You don’t need to diet, you know that, right MC?”

He starts messaging you to make sure you’ve eaten breakfast before you leave for RAD, and he eats his lunch with you more often- not that either of you mind.

If he’s really concerned he might ask Asmo to check in with you, or make sure that you’re not skipping dinner.

Will also invite you over to purgatory Hall for dinner or Lunch. (Made by Simeon, of course.) There might even be an increase in your study meetups.

Despite all of this, he doesn’t feel suffocating. He listens to what you have to say, won’t make you eat anything you don’t want, just as long as you promise to eat something, even if it’s a little bit at a time.

Diavolo:

He invites you over to discuss the exchange program, and you see no reason to turn that down. Barbatos leads you to one of the sitting rooms where Diavolo is waiting, and when you enter he greets you in his usual cheerful manner.

You can feel the beginning of an odd sensation in the back of your mind, and you’ve almost made it to the chair Diavolo offered you when grey edges in your vision and you sway-

“MC.” You blink at the concern in Diavolo’s voice, taking a moment to recall what happened. The Lord of the Devildom is crouched in front of you, gaze searching your face, “MC,” he says again, “Barbatos said this would help.” He holds out a glass of some sort of juice and waits for you to take it and drink a few sips before he continues.

“Would it help if we brought more Human world food here?” he asks, and you feel bad that all you can really do is shrug. It’s a problem for me with human food, to. You admit under his gaze. It only prompts more questions but you answer them as best as you can.

“MC, Please don’t think me unavailable if you need to talk to someone. I care about your health.” He continues to question you on if there is anything at all he can do to help.

You run into him more at RAD, and he always seems to have something extra that Barbatos had made and insists you take it. “Even if you don’t want it now, you might want it later.” You appreciate it more than you can say, even if you don’t always eat whatever he gives you.

Will also message you if he knows he doesn’t have time to see you in person that day. He doesn’t usually ask if you’ve eaten, but he’ll ask if you’re feeling okay.

If you tell him that you’re having a hard time with things, whatever he had planned for that day will just have to wait. He’s more concerned with making sure you’re okay.

He thinks about asking Lucifer to keep an eye on you, but he trusts you to come to him if you need help.

He understands that he can’t fully understand what it is you feel, but does his best. If he’s concerned about something, or he thinks something might help he’ll bring it up to get your opinion.

#tw ED #tw diet #tw disordered eating #swd obey me headcanons #swd obey me #swd lucifer #swd mammon #swd belphie #swd leviathan #swd satan #swd asmodeus #swd lord diavolo #swd beelzebub #swd solomon #ed mentions #discussions of disordered eating #fainting #food mention

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no-whump-on-main · 3 years

Text

Apartment 307-6 (Harmful Healing)

start here last chapter

requested by anon

TW: Death threats made in this chapter

Morning came, and for the first time since her capture, Elora wasn’t up anxiously waiting for the man to return. She was fast asleep when he strolled in; her body was weakened and exhausted from the day prior, the perfect storm for her to rest deeply, and for a long time.

Her pleasant dreams and hours of rest shattered, though, when she awoke to a rough hand grabbing and shaking her shoulder. She blinked tiredly for a few seconds before registering that it was his hand grabbing her, and at that point, she flinched, pushing back against the wall as she tried to scramble out of his grip. His hand didn’t release her, though, and her eyes were bright and fearful as she looked up at him, her whole body shaking just the slightest bit.

He huffed. “So flinchy. You’re going to have to learn that you’re mine somehow, someday. Don’t forget that.”

Elora said nothing, keeping her fear and anger and disgust to herself. Please be looking for me, mom. Please.

He pulled away, finally, standing up straight. She knew from when he attacked her that he was a couple inches shorter than her, but when she was chained down, forced to stare up at him, he felt immeasurably tall, immeasurably powerful.

She could still feel his hand on her shoulder like it had been made of acid, still seeping and burning into her skin. It might as well have been. She’d always enjoyed affection, gentle little touches here and there from people who loved her-but every time the man touched her, it felt wrong. Awful. Like fire against her skin.

He coughed, as if to gain her attention, like he didn’t already have it, every bit of his presence keeping her on edge.

“Since you’ve decided you don’t want anything to do with the plant, we’re going to try something else I know you can do.”

Elora’s expression darkened, her mind filling with all the terrible possibilities of whatever the hell that could mean. What else did he know?

Without warning, he pulled out his pocket knife and slashed it along her thigh, dangerously close to the large, sloppily-stitched wound from the first day. In one slice, another hole was torn in her pants, and a small, bloodied red line formed. Elora whimpered, but didn’t have much else of a reaction; he had given her much worse pain so far. She didn’t understand the purpose of this, here and now, when she’d had so much worse. The pain was sharp, but minimal, stinging as her blood started to coagulate in the air.

“Heal it,” the man instructed.

Her heart sank.

He knew that, too?

“I-” the girl started, before Clyde grasped her chin and dug his dirty fingernails into her skin.

“You know what happens when you don’t listen. You know. It’s not that fucking hard, Elora.”

She swallowed, hard. She could feel her heart thumping in her throat, rhythmically, like an instrument. Thumpthump, thumpthump, thumpthump-

In a way, he was right. It wouldn’t be hard to give in. In all honesty, it would be easy.

The lines were beginning to blur between what resistance was beneficial to her psyche, and what would be better for her to just let go.

But this, she knew she wanted to resist. Needed to.

Her healing was only ever meant to help others. Never herself. She’d tried, several times, to heal her own body, and the results were always horrifically painful. Whenever she used her magic to heal, she absorbed the pain of the individual that she was healing; it was a simple transfer of energy. She took away the wound, closed up the edges, and bore just the pain, not the physical injury, briefly, just how brief depending on the severity of the wound. She never took much joy in it, but for situations that called for her help- emergencies, hurt kids, severe bleeding or head injuries, and the like-she’d do it. After all, she bore the pain for a much shorter amount of time than those who had been hurt in the first place. It felt like her duty to help, when it would be so much easier for her to take the pain temporarily than for the one who attained it in the first place to hold onto it for days, weeks, months, even.

But that blessing, the ability to transfer another’s pain to herself, to give mercy, became a curse, when turned on herself. Instead of experiencing just her own, usual level of pain, it reverberated like an echo chamber, intensifying every second until it was explosive, muchmore than she could handle. She phantom-experienced her own pain twice over initially, and then quadrupled and so on, going on and on, growing exponentially from there, leading to an amplified misery like no other. Even healing a tiny bruise off of her own skin felt like healing a bullet wound.

And the man was making cuts. Big ones.

“I c-can’t do that,” she stammered.

He tilted her chin up with the blade of the knife, forcing her to tilt her head back in order to escape the sharp point.

“Yes you can,” he growled.

She looked over at him, cold fear in her eyes.

“Y-you don’t understand,” she continued. “I can’t.”

“Elora.”

The man’s voice was eerily calm. He didn’t have to say another word; that tone, and the glare, were enough to make her skin crawl.

“Y-you’re right about the healing,” she stammered, “but that’s just for others. I c-can’t do it to myself, it doesn’t work like that. Don’t you-don’t you think I would’ve healed myself and run away from here a-already, if I could?”

He sighed heavily, standing up straight and spinning the knife around casually.

“You can,” he said. “You just don’t want to. It hurts you, I know. But what’s a little pain, in comparison to your life, my lark? I’m being gentle, light with this knife. But just as easily, I could dig it deep into your throat, cut you ear to ear. You’d be gone within minutes. Is that what you want? If I were you, I’d choose a little pain, no?”

There he was with those nicknames again. Elora swallowed, staring ahead at the wall in silence, her eyes blurring in and out of focus as she looked at the white tiles. She still didn’t know him very well, but he didn’t seem to be lying. No, he seemed impulsive, impulsive enough to kill her simply for noncompliance.

And she didn’t want to die.

“Okay,” she whispered.

She placed her hands on either edge of the cut on her thigh, inhaling deeply before closing her eyes, focusing deeply on directing her magic to the wound.

She wasn’t watching it, but she could feel it as it started to close, the pain going from a small throb to a roaring wave in just a few moments.

Clyde stood there, watching in pure awe. He didn’t pay much attention to her agony, too focused on staring at the healing wound in amazement. That was quite the trick, and a useful one, too. Imagine how much you could punish her, over and over, simply by making her heal herself up only to repeat the same torture.

It didn’t take much longer than ten or fifteen seconds, but by the end, she was writhing in agony, sucking in breaths sharply through her teeth. When she finally did open her eyes, she saw her skin, perfectly clear and in tact, like the man had never cut her.

“Do it again,” he instructed.

Elora let out a shaky breath. “Please,” she started. “You know it-”

“Did I ask you if you wanted to? No, I told you to do it again.”

Elora looked down, biting her lip. Do it, or he’ll kill you.

“Where?” She asked. “You just-you only cut me once, just now.”

He huffed. “I suggest you choose another spot yourself. You’re covered in plenty of cuts. Unless you’d like me to slash you again, hmm?”

She shook her head immediately, pausing for a moment to think. What would hurt the least to heal?

The cuts on her arm from yesterday. They had already started to close up, and they were small. Just one wouldn’t take her very long. She moved her hand and covered one cut with her fingers, taking a moment to focus and breathe before she began.

The man smiled. “Ambitious, aren’t you? Go on then, since you chose your arm. Fix them all.”

Her heart dropped. “N-no! You said one more! I didn’t mean-”

He cut her off again. “Right, and now I said them all. Go on. Do I need to remind you of the consequences your actions can bring?”

He’ll kill you. He will.

She shook her head, trying to be calm. She would-she had to try.

She whimpered as soon as her magic made contact with the first cut. Her fingers on the hand of the arm being healed curled up and grabbed a fistful of her shirt, trying to brace herself against the pain. It didn’t do much. The dread was almost as bad as the pain, cold fear seeping into her every time she looked at her arm. It was cut up and down-there were at least thirty of them, maybe more.

Worse than anything else was the man’s glare. He was staring at her, with an amused sense of wonder. Every time she looked up, she saw him smiling.

She tried to do as he told her. She did. She knew he would kill her. But after cut six or seven-she had a hard time keeping track, especially because they disappeared without a scar-she let her healing arm drop, her fingers twitching slightly. She couldn’t do it anymore. The pain that had grown was excruciating, worse than anything that had happened before, and her energy was near completely depleted.

“Why the hell did you stop?” the man shouted at her. She looked away from him. She was so exhausted, it was hard to focus. She’d just woken up, but she wanted to curl up and sleep. Using that much magic, in a way she was never supposed to, felt like it sucked the life force out of her just like a leech.

“I-I can only do so much,” she explained. “O-only have so much in me.” Her body was starting to droop, just about ready to give in to sleep.

Clyde didn’t like that answer. He grabbed her arm roughly and returned it to the cuts, but even he could feel that she was becoming loose and limp, from what he assumed was pure exhaustion. When he let her arm down and nothing happened besides a quiet groan from the girl, he gave up.

“That was hardly anything. God, you’re useless. We’ll have to work on that, and your...disregard of my authority. You know, I think I know exactly what to do. Perhaps we’ll take a little trip away from the bathtub tomorrow.”

With that, he turned and left the bathroom. Moments later, Elora turned on her side and slept, left without the time awake to wonder what he meant by that.

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#bad things happen bingo #original characters #apartment 307 #elora story #clyde anderson #elora larkin #whump #whump fic #physical whump #psychological whump #lady whump #whumper #whumpee #whump writing #creepy whumper #tw death threats

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