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readerstories · 3 years

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I’m sorry- Aaron Hotchner x gn!reader

Idk if angry was the emotion you wanted, but for some reason that is what I was feeling like writing this time. Also, I cannot keep stuff with Hotch short apparently. (AO3)

Warnings/tags: established relationship, angst, fighting, hurt/comfort, Hotch being an ass, happy ending

Wordcount: 2696

Request: I was wondering if you could do a hotch x BAU!reader where Hotch says something in the heat of an argument and the reader gets super emotional and Hotch just tries to apologize and make it up to reader. Thank you💕💕

Sometimes, injuries happen at work.

You had done a quick assessment in the field, making a hard decision when you needed to. Going in without much backup had been a risk you chose to take.

Being hit in the head with an old briefcase that has metal edges had not been a possibility you had foreseen, but it happened anyways.

You had rounded a corner in the unsub’s home, gun raised and yelling his name, and he had gotten a good knock on your forehead. You had been dazed for a few seconds, but managed to tackle him and cuff him anyway, reading him his rights as you did so.

The hard edge of the briefcase had hit your forehead, making a small gash, which was not deep, but it was bleeding quite a bit like head wounds tend to do. It’s running down your face as you get the unsub up on his feet, so you have to close your left eye and wipe at it as you lead the cuffed man outside.

Once outside you hand him over to an officer, who gives your head a glance, but doesn’t ask as you turn away from him as he starts to lead the unsub towards a car.

Rossi spots where he’s talking to Hotch and the police chief and points towards the ambulance standing close. You nod, and wipe at your face with the edge of your jacket sleeve, catching Hotch turning around to look at you too, but you don’t catch the worried look in his eyes.

Walking over to the ambulance, you’re guided to sit on the back as one of the paramedics cleans you up.

Even though it looked bad with the blood, the clean up goes quick, and they say you won’t even need stitches.

And luckily no concussion either.

A few butterfly strips get applied to your forehead and you are allowed to go with a promise that you will take it easy for at least a day or two.

You’re asked if you have anyone to stay with just in case and you nod as an answer, the adrenaline of it all wearing off as you stand up and yawn. The paramedic smiles and wishes you good night, you do the same to them.

Joining Aaron at his car, he doesn’t say anything, his mouth in a thin line as he looks at the strips now adorning your forehead. Both of you had agreed from the start to keep PDA to a minimum at work, but you wish he would at least say or do something.

Ask you if you’re fine.

Hold your hand maybe.

Comment on how you should change out of your bloodied jacket.

Something.

Something other than the stony silence that follows you into the car.

It takes a few minutes of Aaron driving towards Quantico before anything is said.

“You were reckless.”

“I made a decision on the spot and it backfired a little, yes, but I was hardly reckless.”

“If he had a gun-”

“I would have disarmed him or shot him first.”

“You couldn’t stop a briefcase, you think you could do a gun?” Getting irritated, you glare at Aaron.

“Yes.” You grit out.

“You sure?”

“Aaron, what the fuck is this?” You see him clench at the wheel, his knuckles turning whiter as he concentrates on driving for a few seconds before answering you.

“You need a debrief.”

“Yes, from Rossi, at the office, not like this.” He scoffs, glancing at you briefly before locking his gaze back on the road. You see his jaw clench, but he doesn’t answer you, so you don’t say anything either.

Neither of you speak again until you’re back at headquarters. Aaron beelines for his office, and you’re hot on his heels, not paying any attention to the rest of the team already gathered at the bullpen.

“Aaron-” You try to speak as you close the door behind you, but he interrupts you.

“You should take a week off.” You stare at him as he rummages through some papers on his desk, not even looking at you as he speaks. “One paid week off should do you good. After all this.” He gestures at you and finally looks away from the papers again.

“Hotch, if this was anyone else, you would let them come back after a day to sleep in.” Aaron sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“I don’t have to explain my reasoning to you.” His voice is angry, but simmering with tiredness just beneath the surface.

The silence in the room as you don’t even give an answer to the statement is deafening. There’s a look in your eyes that he never wished to see directed at him.

Ice cold anger. Mixed with disappointment, and something else he can’t quite place. Sadness perhaps?

You unclip your gun from your holster, placing it on his desk with your badge.

“See you in a week, Hotchner.” The use of his full last name hurts, you might as well have used bullets.

You don’t let him give you any response to your statement, opening the door and striding out of his office, not slamming the door behind you as much as you want to. Your steps down to you desk are fast, as fast as they can be without fully running.

You gather your things quickly, ignoring the rest of your team.

Morgan tries to stop you with a hand on your shoulder, but you evade him with a glare, making him back off.

All the things you need on your person, you’re out of the glass door seconds later. You slam on the elevator button, debating on just taking the stairs to run off some steam while also getting out of here.

Rossi joins you as you wait, and you hear him open his mouth to speak, but you beat him to it.

“If you try to say something to get me to stay, I swear to god, I will put you on the ground.” Your words and glare makes Rossi’s eyebrows rise, but he keeps his mouth shut and takes a few steps away from you.

Finally the elevator doors open and you get in, pushing the button for the parking garage and the button to close the door faster in quick succession. With one last glare at the bullpen the elevator door closes in front of your face.

While you try your damnedest to set a new speed record for leaving the building, Rossi goes back to the bullpen, where the rest of the team sends him questioning glances.

“What even happened?” Morgan wonders out loud. “I’ve never seen them so angry before.”

“I don’t know.” Rossi is looking at Hotch, who is moving around in his office, partly shielded by the blinds. Everyone is looking between each other and Hotch’s office, the first one daring to go up there ends up being Rossi.

He knocks softly on the door with a knuckle, making Hotch look up from where he is standing next to his desk and reading some paperwork in his hand.

“You want to talk?” Hotch scoffs, putting the papers down on the desk.

“I’m fine.” Rossi closes the door behind him.

“But they clearly weren’t, so come on, spill. What did you do?” Hotch clenches his jaw, sparing a glance down at the bullpen, where the rest of the team tries to pretend they’re busy.

“I told them to take a paid week off, they protested, I insisted.” Hotch sighs as Rossi scoffs.

“For such a smart man you sure are dumb sometimes.” Hotch’s head snaps back by the comment, looking like he wants to answer and defend himself, but Rossi holds up a hand to stop him.

“You messed up. You must have known telling them to take a week off just for this was a bad call.”

“I didn’t.” Hotch's eyes are like steel, but there’s hurt hiding behind, if it’s at Rossi’s words or your actions he doesn’t know.

“But it was. Fuck Aaron, what are you even still doing here?” Hotch squints his eyes at Rossi, who throws his hands up into the air.

“You should be running after them and begging them to forgive you for doing the wrong thing. Preferably with their favorite flowers and candy in hand, or some sort of gesture, because this-” He gestures at Hotch and your gun and badge on his desk, “Is not good for anyone.” Hotch watches him for a few seconds.

“Rossi-”

“Just go Aaron.” Seemingly making up his mind, Hotch gathers his stuff, only stopping right next to Rossi and giving him a glance.

“I-” Rossi pats Hotch’s shoulder.

“Someone had to knock some sense into you. Go.” Hotch nods, out the door in seconds. The team watches him go, neither of them saying anything before Hotch is gone and Rossi joins them in the bullpen.

“They going to be okay?” Morgan asks.

“Let’s hope so.” Rossi answers, staring at the glass doors.

“I hate when people fight.” Garcia says quietly as Morgan pulls her into a side-hug.

----

You don’t know if you should even be driving right now, but can’t find it in yourself to care or think too much about it.

You just need to get somewhere where you can be alone and clear your head. Somewhere there’s less people and more open space.

And lucky for you, you know just the spot.

Almost on auto-pilot, you drive your truck away from work, heading out on the main road, not driving for long until you turn onto a small side road. It can barely even be called that, small and uneven as it is, but it’s no problem for you truck where you drive it with sure hands.

You end up in a clearing near the water, a small beach barely touched or seen by anyone else, except maybe the occasional hiker. You debate going down to the water, but instead you park your truck with its back towards it, flipping the tailgate down so you can sit on it.

Jumping up to sit on the tailgate, you pull out the newly bought pack of smokes and lighter from your pocket. You had quit years ago, but tonight seems like a good idea for bad habits, you think to yourself as you light one.

Taking a drag, you can already tell you will regret it later with the aftertaste you know it leaves, but you continue smoking nonetheless.

Turning some old candy wrapper in your pocket into an improvised ashtray and putting it on the right side of you, one cigarette turns into two, soon morphing into a third.

It’s just seconds after lighting your forth cigarette that you hear another car approach. Which is odd, because you were certain few people know about this place, but you’re not too worried, your private gun resting in the back of your pants a comforting weight.

The car rounds the last bend of the small road, coming to a stop not too far from you, lights illuminating your truck and the beach beyond. Turning to look, you’re almost blinded by the lights, but they are quickly shut off as the car is turned off, and you realize you know the car.

Aaron’s car.

You snort.

The trip out here from the main road couldn’t have been comfortable for his car, or for Aaron.

Good.

You turn back around just as the driver door starts to open, and you ignore the sound of Aaron’s steps in the dirt in favor of taking another drag of your cigarette and staring into the water.

Aaron comes around your truck, leaning against your truck’s tailgate on your left, keeping his distance. He places a plastic grocery bag in the space between you. It makes a dull thud and despite you trying to ignore it, you find yourself curious.

“Peace offering.” Aaron explains as you eye the bag. You reach over and push at the top of the bag so you can peek inside. A couple of your favorite snacks, drinks, and a DVD with the logo of a movie you had talked about wanting to see. You push the bag behind you into the truck bed, taking another drag of your cigarette.

“How did you find me?” You don’t look at Aaron just yet, but you can tell he is looking at you.

“You told me about this place a few months ago and how you go here to relax sometimes and I- I just thought with how I acted-” Aaron sighs. He holds out his hand just in your field of vision, gesture clear. You give him your cigarette, watching him for the first time since he arrived as he takes a drag, letting the smoke lazily spill out from his lips with practiced ease.

“Didn’t take you for a smoker.”

“I had a phase in college.” He offers, taking another drag before giving the cigarette back to you. You take a drag yourself, letting the silence linger for a moment before you speak.

“You know you were being stupid.”

“Yes.” You’re just slightly surprised with how there is no hesitation in the one-word answer, but you’re a little content as well.

“If it had been anyone else in the team you wouldn’t have reacted that way.” Aaron sighs, putting his arms back on the tailgate, using them as leverage to hoist himself up so he’s sitting on the tailgate too, still keeping his distance.

“No one else in the team are you.” You wait for him to say more, taking a last drag of your cigarette, putting it out with the three others in the candy wrapper.

“I’m sorry.” Aaron admits, but you still don’t say anything. “I was acting and thinking like your significant other, and not your boss. I let my worry get the best of me, and I tried to find a way to shield you from any further harm in what little way I could by telling you to take a week off.” You nod, at least seeing his reasoning a bit clearer now.

“I’m not taking it.”

“You are but-” He holds up a hand before you can protest and glare at him too hard “-but so am I.” You blink, staring at him for a few seconds.

“You are?” He nods, and you lean forward to place the back of your hand on his forehead. He almost jolts at your touch, but doesn’t move away.

“What are you doing?”

“Checking if you have a fever.” Hotch scoffs, but a small smile peaks through as you let your hand fall down. He felt fine, and other than looking a bit tired and very sorry, he looks fine too.

Hotch takes your hand in his, bringing it up to kiss your knuckles and you can’t help the fond smile on your face.

“I’m sorry.” He offers up again, letting go of your hand in favor of moving closer so he can put an arm around your waist and lean his head on your shoulder as you look at the water again. You hum, turning your head ever so slightly so you can kiss the top of your head. You can’t see the little shy smile on Aaron’s face, but you can almost hear it in his almost hopeful voice as he speaks.

“Does that mean I’m forgiven?” You hum, moving your hand to rest on his knee.

“Mostly. But you are the only one doing chores this week.”

“That’s alright with me, as long as I get to spend time with you.” His hand on your jaw turns your head towards him, letting him give a brief kiss to your lips, and then a feather light one just below the butterfly strips on your forehead.

“You’re a fool Aaron.”

“I’m only a fool for you.”

“Cheesy.” You roll your eyes at him with a smile as you get down from the tailgate, Aaron joining you, standing close so he can give you another kiss.

“Always.” He says with a grin, making his eyes light up and you can’t help but kiss him.

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x gender neutral reader #aaron hotchner x gn!reader #gender neutral #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfiction #reader #readerinsert #reader insert #gn!reader #gender neutral reader #written

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arinbelle · 3 years

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The Next Life

Also, I didn’t tag anyone when I first posted, so if you already read it, and then I actually tagged you, I’m sorry. :)

EDIT: Okay I’m posting the next chapter, still don’t know if it’ll end up finishing or not. As always, all the characters belong to Sarah J. Mass.

Note: I was not going to post this after I spoke to someone about Nessian's relationships in ACOSF. I do love them and I love where it's ended but I can't help but still be unable to place my finger on that something that's missing. I wrote this in an attempt to write an entire multi-fic, which at this point, won't happen. Maybe it will. Not very sure. But I don't want to throw this away either because I did work hard on it.

The reason I was prompted to write this at all was the fact that we didn't address a lot of the issues Nesta faced before ACOSF even if the healing was quite good in some parts- to me it falls short in a few aspects. I don't like how it ends with Nesta still feeling like she's not good enough for the people in her life and so she needs to be a good person for them. I don't love the idea of living or existing for someone else or trying to be worthy of them, because it's just not healthy. Now I actually love Nessian in ACOSF, I just think, with how incomplete Nesta's healing ended, even though it's going to be tough and yes she's on her way to healing, if you take it at it's core, it's incomplete because it's based in self-loathing. Now she is starting to like herself but she still believes she needs to live up to Cassian's love or Feyre's or even her father's. My second issue was we never addressed the dependency on sex and alcohol she had. Anyways, this is getting very winded for a fic I likely won't continue, but, this was supposed to be chapter 1 at one point in time. I hope you like it, or maybe you won't. I just don't know what to do with it anymore, but it's just been sitting in my drafts unfinished, so I thought, even if I don't further it, might as well post it and move on.

~*~

Chapter 1: Lies

Cassian scented her first.

Fire and steel and the lightest trace of lavender that drifted in from the main hall where she had entered, all the way to the lounge where he was sitting.

Lavender much like the flowers Elain had begun growing in her garden after she had said they were her favorite. Like the lavender she’d then been gifted by her sister to be planted in the House of Wind, that had grown ferociously under the care of the House and the female who adored them. And lavender like the perfume he’d bought for her...and the lotions, and the soaps, and the shampoos and every single scented gift afterwards that had made her smile and kiss him sweetly each time. Some things didn't change he supposed, and it felt like a small victory that she'd kept a piece of him with her even still. Even if it wasn’t really him, he told himself that the perfume was the one he’d given her. It was a pretty lie to keep him going, at least for the evening.

Cassian put away the frown that he knew had begun marring his face, forcing a smile in its place for the family that should be the center of attention instead.

"Are you alright?," Mor murmured to his left. Amren sent a hateful glare his way before he could answer- to Mor too. Almost in warning as if she dared him to answer. Dared him to admit to her what he couldn’t even admit to himself just so she could tear his throat out. Cassian didn't bother fighting today. Not with Amren. Not for some time now since they'd stopped speaking civilly to each other for years. Although that was to be expected. Nesta was her closest friend, young as the friendship may have been for how long Amren had been alive. "I'm fine. Let's just focus on Nyx." He hoped that would be enough to tide Mor over. Azriel wisely said nothing, busying himself with a flower arrangement he definitely had no idea how to fix, if it even needed fixing. Elain bustled over in time and slapped his hands, effectively shooing the Shadowsinger away from her lavender and roses.

"Boys don't care about flowers. Not at this age," Amren gently reminded Elain.

A strange alliance had occurred between the two females after everything had happened. Cassian wasn't sure if he was to blame, but with how Elain had looked after she’d begun practicing with Amren each day, and how well her powers had come along, he found he didn't mind too much if that was the case.

Elain smiled down at her flowers, rearranging the already perfect centerpiece. "Nesta loves lavender. I thought maybe if she saw them..." But Elain did not bother to finish that sentence. Nor did Amren bother to push any further as Elain left the room, Amren not far behind, right after shooting Cassian a parting, scathing look. "I wonder if she'll come in," Azriel murmured from where he was sitting casually. Too casually for the male who was always more coiled to spring than not- clearly it wasn't only Cassian putting on airs today. "I don't know," Cassian said. Another lie of his today. She won't. Mor squeezed his shoulder in comfort and opened her mouth to tell him something, but a shout from the opposite side of the house stopped her. "Aunt Nes! Aunt Nes!," Nyx's voice rang through the halls of the front lobby in the riverside manor. Cassian heard another incoherent shout from his nephew before the unmistakable sound of a collision reached his ears.

Nesta laughed, and damn it if it didn't want to make him scream right then and there.

He could still remember her laugh, laughs really because she had so many different ones. But it had been so long since he'd heard any of them-until today. This particular one was pure amusement with a hint of affection that she only reserved for a few people in her life. Then he also heard the faint sound of a kiss being placed on, he assumed, Nyx's cheek. And so began the babbling.

“Aunt Nes I haven't seen you in forever. Aunt Nes, mama said you weren't coming. Aunt Nes did you see what I got from Aunt Elain this year for presents. Aunt Nes did you get me a present?” Feyre cut in at that and reminded Nyx about manners which made Nesta laugh again. So beautiful and he hadn't even seen her yet. And he wouldn't either, it would seem, because Nesta reached the closed door to the lounge where he was standing, and stopped. He heard the intake of breath behind the door, and knew she'd scented him.

"I'll take Nyx up to see the gift I got him. It's in his room. How about that little one?," she asked softly.

Nyx's exuberant shout was more than answer enough and he felt a cracking in his chest begin with each step of hers moving further and further away from him. Feyre entered and the room visibly tensed. Cassian still tried, and failed, to keep his face an expressionless mask

Amren hating him didn't hurt, because hatred was the baseline of affection for Amren anyways. A little more loathing added on just for him didn't do much to bother him. But Feyre...

Feyre was more than just a friend. She had been a sister once. Her anger, unjustified or not, would never not hurt him.

"Well, she's not staying," the High Lady announced primly, sneaking him a glare as well as if to point out the reason why as discreetly as possible. She went to the table of presents, ignoring his presence wholly. That was fine. Silence was much better than what their relationship had become the year that- Cassian’s thoughts were cut short as Mor smoothly began talking about the birthday cake that Elain had baked for Nyx this year. She chattered on and on about how lovely it was made it to resemble the stars that the boy loved to watch each night with his father. Feyre smiled at Mor, but it was still too tight, too riddled with unease that Cassian had to say something. "I can go," he said, and the same time that Mor and Feyre responded no. "There's no need for that General. She wasn't going to stay either way." General. When Cass had become just the General, he didn't know. It was an impressively delivered lie too and it looked like Feyre almost believed it. But they both knew it was because of Cassian that Nesta wasn't staying for her nephew's birthday party, which Cassian also knew had to hurt both sisters. From what Cassian was allowed to know, which wasn't much, Nesta and Nyx were very close. Feyre took Nyx to visit Nesta as much as possible wherever she was staying. It was a place Cassian was not allowed to know the location of, let alone come along to see. Not that Cassian would ever have the chance to go with them during those visits. Cassian didn't stay in Velaris anymore. He found it odd that after more than five hundred years of staying in the city he'd once loved so much, he didn't have the stomach for it after someone very crucial to his heart no longer resided there.

Cassian managed to stay still on the chaise while Mor distracted Feyre with questions about decorations that were already perfect and food that was already cooked and too late to change. Anything to keep the conversation from rearing towards the awkward subject everyone wanted to avoid.

But then he heard the unmistakable sound of Nesta coming down the stairs from Nyx's room, Rhys's low murmur to his son to say goodbye following not soon after.

And he knew.

Cassian knew if he didn't go see her now, he never would again. They'd already come too close today. She'd never risk it again and he may very well die if he went any longer without meeting those beautiful storm blue eyes again. So Cassian waited for Rhys to say his own polite goodbye, to steer Nyx towards the study for a special present, and for Nesta to say her own parting words to her sisters. "Don't do it Cass," Azriel muttered from the other side of the room, not glancing up from the book he'd somehow procured. "I don't know what you're talking about," Cassian told his brother with a smile. A faked smile, but better than the likely half grimace he'd almost bared at Feyre earlier.

“You’re setting yourself up for more pain than you need today, brother.”

Cassian stopped at that. Looked back at Azriel, at the pity in his eyes meant for him. Well, fuck, when did Azriel look at anyone with pity?

“I’m just going down the hall to the washroom and freshen up.” Before anyone could stop him, Cassian turned the doorknob and launched out of the room, only to find the hallway empty.

She left, Rhy’s voice flooded into his mind without warning.

Cassian didn’t bother with apologizing for breaking Feyre’s unspoken rule today to not interact with Nesta. He didn’t think he would need to with Rhys, so he asked, Where? Did she go back home? I didn’t hear her leave.

No she’s in the city. She winnowed out, came the cool, slightly amused response.

Where?, Cassian repeated again. He didn’t know Nesta could winnow now, but he tamped down the surprise at that new tidbit of information as he awaited an answer.

Where else would she go to in Velaris Cassian?

It was answer enough.

Cassian bounded out of the riverside estate, and unfurled his wings into the late evening sky, as soon as the door shut behind him. He shot up as high as he could from a few strong flaps and began veering west for the House of Wind. He’d never let it go if he missed her by a few minutes.

Thankfully, by the time he landed on the balcony of the House, he could hear her heartbeat a few rooms in. He was already bounding for the dining room, already a few feet from the entranceway when he realized the gravity of what he intended to do. To corner her like this...no, this wasn’t the right call.

But it was too late now. Just as Cassian veered himself to turn around, Nesta entered from the other side of the hall.

Just like that, Cassian found he couldn’t remember how to move. How to breathe. Because there she was, so unexpectedly.

She looked the same. Sort of. She didn’t look older, but that was to be expected of course, what with her being High Fae. But that was where all similarities ended.

Nesta had cut her hair. He’d dare to say it was half a finger longer than his own, and the braids...

He’d never seen such braids in her hair before. He’d seen it in female warriors on the battlefield, or in training to keep their hair out of their eyes. But Nesta had always opted for a simple braid, or her usual coronet in training. This...this made her look dangerous. Perhaps he should even be scared, considering the thunder that seemed to crackle in her gaze. But Cassian had never been afraid of Nesta. Not when she was human, not when she was newly turned Fae, and certainly not today.

Neither of them said a word, shock on her part perhaps, grief very surely on his own, making them immovable statues in what had once been their home. But Cassian had cut down lines and lines of soldiers at the forefront of some of the bloodiest wars. Cassian had fought battles that had no reasonable path to victory.

His mate would not be the fight he would relent to.

“Nesta,” he greeted, bowing his head a fraction of the way down to his chin, if only to set her at ease. Or perhaps it was an apology. A concession. A prayer. It was probably all of them, but she did not answer.

Nesta, instead, was content to stare at him in that mix of shock and horror at this ill-fated meeting that he’d sprung on her. But that emotion was there and gone with a blink of her eyes, and Cassian lost the glint of sapphire to cold, unbending blue ice.

“Commander.”

Oh fuck. It hurt to breathe.

The room, his clothes, his chest, everything felt too tight. She hadn’t even called him by his name, and she was looking at him like a stranger.

Even when they’d done their dance all those years ago in her old, human estate, and she’d bared invisible fangs at his taunts, she had never looked at him the way she was assessing him now. There had been passion. There had been emotion. And even when she’d been struggling with the aftereffects of her trauma, before and after they’d mated, she’d had a lost look to her, yes, and an empty look to her. This was not that. He would take even that to this any day.

Because this was indifference. This was indifference towards him. And he hadn’t prepared for that in all the moments he’d imagined when they would meet again.

“Are you staying here?,” she asked him. He didn’t think she would bother speaking to him anymore than she’d needed to. But he was wrong about so many things anyways, why not add on one more?

“No. I was just...”

Following you. Running after you. Clearly upsetting you.

“No,” he finally settled on. “Are you?”

Nesta’s eyes widened a fraction before her brows slanted back down, as if she remembered that she was still angry with him, or so he assumed she’d be.

“No. I’m not. I was just visiting Gwyn.”

Lie. The door to the library was on the other side of the house and Gwyn wasn’t in the library unless it was for work. Not on a weekend and certainly not when Nyx’s birthday was happening, and she was supposed to attend.

The uncomfortable silence stretched on longer than it should have. They were never awkward with each other, even before they were together. Cassian didn’t know how to handle this anymore. Neither did Nesta apparently as she muttered that she needed to leave now.

Cassian nodded mutely, unsure of how to stop her, if he even should.

“Will you come back?,” he blurted out as she began to turn from him.

Nesta froze, her back going ramrod straight, and he realized what he’d said. How it could be misconstrued to mean something entirely different.

“No. I’m not coming back to see Nyx again,” she said.

It was more than enough to end the conversation he’d almost opened up. She was here for Nyx. If she returned, which she wouldn’t, it would be for Nyx. Not him, that much was made glaringly clear. A line drawn in the ground between them in a way that had never, ever been needed before. Not with them.

She was not lost anymore though. Thankfully, he could tell that the years had done her some good, even if he could no longer say he’d had any hand in it.

Before he could say his goodbye, say anything to keep her longer, Nesta was gone in the blink of an eye. She’d winnowed out with ease, and a small burst of pride flared in his chest that she’d mastered it finally. But then that horrible monstrous thing roared in his chest as it awakened. Ten years he hadn’t seen his mate, and for ten years that bond had gone silent. It was still silent, there was no greeting at the other end that he’d had with for the short time they’d been together. As Cassian yearned, so did the bond within him. Searching for this mate, his equal, and now not even able to find ice and steel on the other end.

For ten years, he had felt absolutely nothing between them, between that tether than had once kept them so close he thought even death would not be strong enough to break it. But now it was more than evident, that bond, alive thought it may be, had gone completely silent and numb.

Cassian didn’t bother going back to the riverfront estate, knowing Mor would pass on his presents to Nyx in his steed. He flew for hours, perhaps taking a longer route through the now chilling winter air, until he reached his new home.

Not new he supposed.

He’d built it almost three centuries ago in case he needed to stay for long trainings in Illyria and the trip back to Velaris took too much effort. He’d also wanted to have a place of his own, even if he seldom used it. Cassian had always wanted to bring Nesta to this house, had wanted her to see Illyria away from Windhaven and the Blood Rite ceremony.

He’d wanted her to experience the open fields, the soaring trees, and springtime that was breathtaking in its glory, even if it was brisk and biting with the Illyrian wind. Cassian had know she would love it and appreciate it in a way that perhaps even his brothers had never been able to.

Because Nesta had always been able to see the broken, the wrecked and the hurting, and find beauty in it. Many thought that it was Elain’s specialty, because she was openly kind.

Nesta though, who saw so many imperfections in herself, who picked apart her little flaws until she was sick with grief, was heaps kinder in judging others. Her words, Cassian knew, led people to believe the opposite. But her heart...her heart may have been one of the purest he’d ever known.

Now, Nesta would never see this house. The fields surrounding it that he’d take her for walks through. Or the forest on the boundary line that he’d never be able to warn her away from because spirits and all manners of ageless creatures lived there. He wouldn’t be able to cook Illyrian meals for her that he never had time to when they were together and he wouldn’t see her face when she first tried it and loved it.

Cassian didn’t pay too much attention to how cold it was as he entered the house, not bothering with getting kindling for the fire that he wouldn’t light anyways. He didn’t bother with warming the water before bathing, relishing in how biting the cold water stung his already sore muscles. And as Cassian lay awake in his bed, staring up at the bare ceiling, he thought about how quiet the world was around him. A far cry from the bustling nature of Velaris that he’d once been more accustomed to. Illyria was softer even if it was also more brutal. You lived quietly here and you died quietly too. If anyone screamed, the swirling, everlasting winds carried it away long before it could reach too many ears.

His house in Illyria was silent during the day and lonely during the nights. Really it was lonely all the time, but Cassian felt it more when he was alone in the bed, no warm body pressed into his side that he thought he’d always have with him.

It wasn't a home, but really, what was anymore? Not Velaris as he’d once thought to be. Certainly not the people who lived there, family or not. No matter how much he loved them and they loved him, regardless of how strained some of their relationships had now become, they were not home.

Cassian didn't have a home anymore. Nesta has been his home.

And Cassian did not have Nesta anymore either.

~*~

@bookstantrash

@duskandstarlight

@greerlunna

@queenestarcheron

@nessiansimp

@cassianscool

@sjm-things

@perseusannabeth

@courtofjurdan

@vasudharaghavan

@sayosdreams

@moe8

@arielle-reads

@theoverlyenthusiasticwriter

@nahthanks

@oversizedbats

@swankii-art-teacher

@inardour

@rowaelinismyotp

@starryblueskies7

@nestaarcher0n

@vidalinav

@nessiantrashh

@lanyjoy-13

@iwastoowildinthe70s

@nessianlordandladyofillyria

@ladygabrielli1997

@moonlitchandeliers

#Nessian #Nesta archeron #cassian #acosf #nessian fanfiction

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lihikainanea · 3 years

Note

LEIIII, CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT BILL AND TIGER GOING THE THE MET GALA BILL FuCkINg HeR iN ThE ReStRoOm????????????????

FIRST OF ALL, I have this like, weird interest in fashion over the past two years or so. I've never particularly been into it, but now my instagram is mainly fashion inspo and like, who is this person???? I've never considered myself fashionable, much less interested in fashion and now I swear to god I spend Sunday afternoons ~judging people~ and looking up latest fashion trends and how to wear things and I am just LOVING IT. And since nobody asked, I'm going to go ahead and list you my top fucking fashion ABSOLUTELY DO FUCKING NOT pet peeves:

1) Matching pantsuits. Hello, no. I know the designers that are trying to bring this back, and it's a hard no for me dawg. I am in my almost mid thirties and I ain't trying to look like a fucking old maid, thanks. These will never be fashionable. Just stop.

2) Derby shoes. These literally don't go with anything. I'm not sorry. If you're that committed to huge, clunky, ugly fucking shoes, get clogs. I ain't saying you have to wear heels, not at all. But find yourself some nice oxfords, a nice loafer, hell even some mules--and they will be infinitely nicer than fucking derby shoes.

3) Layering. No, kids. Baum und Pferdgarten, I love you. I do. I have a few of your dresses. But ya'll motherfuckers need to stop with this pajama-esque, mixed and clashing pattern, oversized bullshit looks that you call fashion. There is a way to wear slouchy, and babes, THAT AIN'T IT. YOU LITERALLY LOOK LIKE A FUCKING WARHOL PAINTING THREW UP ON YOU. Mixing patterns is cool, we like that, but Jesus Christ it has to have some consistency.

alright, now onto the actual ask.

All of this to say, I kept a keen eye on the Met Gala this year and I was...perplexed. At best. Horrified, at worst.

So like, tiger right? There's little else in the world that tiger hates as much as Bill's outwardly Hollywood side. The parties. The schmoozing. And I mean, she knows it's part of his life so that's fine, but in fairness--Bill also abhors this side. He loathes it. And he's been to the Met gala once, which notoriously never allows a +1 unless that +1 is famous, but low and behold--by some stroke of luck--Bill's invitation this year allows for it.

"No." tiger says immediately.

"You don't even know what I'm going to ask!" he exclaims.

"I know what that is," she points to the invitation in his hand, "And no."

It's a hard no. It takes Bill weeks--because like, tiger ain't Hollywood. She doesn't want to do the dress. She doesn't want the mingling with fucking celebrity guests. She doesn't want the paparazzi. She wants none of it. But like, eventually--after so much begging--eventually Bill gets her to agree. His stylist will get a dress for her. Hair and make up is taken care of. Bill promises her that she can just slip in the back, sit at the table, and have cocktails to her heart's galore while he walks the red carpet. She doesn't have to be photographed--and truth be told, tiger's a nobody so people aren't really interested in photographing her anyway. That's fine by her.

The dress worries her, because tiger isn't exactly celebrity material but the stylist is so kind in taking measurements. Bill handles everything--the flights, the make up reservations, the hair appointments. On the day of, he checks them into the Bowery Hotel and then tiger doesn't have to worry about a thing. He shoves a fluffy robe at her, and then there's just a flurry of activity--massages first. Breakfast after. A stint in the steam room--which they absolutely have sex in. Facials. Manicures--for both. A light lunch. And then the bell rings and in come a flurry of a team ready to glamorize them--Bill's favourite groomer, his stylist, tiger's make up artist, her hair stylist. The primping process is the longest tiger has ever been through--but there's wine, there's snacks, her Big Dude is right beside her looking handsome as all hell. And when tiger puts on a dress that is worth more than she makes in a year, when her hair is all done up and her make up is perfect--she begrudgingly admits to him that yes, Beeeeeel, she does feel pretty.

"You look stunning kid," he praises, pressing a gentle kiss on her cheek. To her slight embarrassment (but secret joy), he hands his phone off to his assistant and asks for a few pictures.

And like, here's the thing right? The Met Gala has a strict policy: no spouses or couples seated together. Seriously, it's a thing. Look it up. And while tiger is mildly freaking out about that, she calms down considerably when she does see a name tag at her table that she recognizes.

Alex. Skarsgård.

Tiger smiles, Bill grimaces.

And that's what starts it, right? Bill is at a table far away but not too far, and right where he can keep her in his line of sights. He knows she wasn't looking forward to this so he wants to keep an eye on her, but then like....why the fuck does she look like she's having so much fun? Alex is cracking the whole table up, being his usual charismatic self. Tiger is laughing, guffawing actually, beyond control--her hand on his, clutching his forearm. Bill barely even makes conversation with his own table, he's staring so intently at the two of them and tiger looking like she's having the best night of her life.

Bill's blood is boiling. It boils even more when he sees tiger make a face at her main plate--her nose wrinkling, her lip curled in disgust--and without missing a beat Alex's fork swoops over, plucks all the green onions from her food, and tiger smiles gratefully at him. Bill slams his napkin down on the table.

"Excuse me," he mutters in response to the curious glances. And then he stalks over, heads right to her table, and he's so silent that she jumps a mile when she hears his voice in her ear from behind her.

"A word, kid?" he says.

"But the food just--"

"Now." he says insistently. He holds a hand out to her, helps her push her chair back and stand. But then he's basically dragging her to a restroom, and poor tiger isn't quite used to heels this high.

"Hang on bud," she pleads, "I'm not that coordinated."

But he doesn't hang on. Instead he reaches back, loops a strong arm around her waist and basically carries her on his side to the bathroom. Tiger's feet don't hit the floor for a good 200 feet. And once inside the bathroom, he locks the door and glares at her.

"If that dress wasn't couture, I'd have you on your fucking knees kid," he threatens. Tiger's eyes get wide.

"What did I do?" she asks innocently. Bill just glares.

"Having a good time, are you? Having the best night ever?" he accuses.

Tiger is starting to get a feeling what this is about, and oh man--she's about to rile her Big Dude up. Dressed to the nines, in a public place, surrounded by riches, and Bill is about to get a bit possessive over her? Tiger is a sucker for it every time.

"Yes," she plays into it, "Alex is being amazing. He's so--"

She doesn't get to finish the sentence, because Bill growls and lunges for her, pinning her back against the cool tile.

"You are mine," he snarls. Tiger just tilts her chin up, bites onto his bottom lip.

"Prove it." she challenges.

The roar Bill lets out is fucking feral. Tiger doesn't even have time to react before her dress is pulled up, he yanks his belt undone, and he's slamming into her. She moans, and he grabs her face in his hand.

"Don't come," he snarls, "Don't you dare come."

And like the good girl she is for him--she doesn't. She grits her teeth, tries to stave it off even as he slams deep into her, growls as his release fills her up, bites her neck hard enough to leave a mark. She whimpers, her knees wobbly, and tries to reach for a tissue.

"No," he grabs her hand.

"But it's messy," she pleads. But another glare is enough to silence her, and he swiftly pulls her panties up, smoothes her dress back down.

"You're going to sit there, full of my come for the rest of the night," he tells her, "And I want you to think of that, I want you to feel it, every time you look at him."

"Bill--" she whimpers. He silences her with a rough kiss.

"Go on," he said, "Back to your seat."

On shaky legs, she turns and tries to walk out as nonchalant as possible. He waits a few minutes before exiting, going to find his seat and sitting back down. He keeps an eye on her for the rest of the evening, but he doesn't even have to--every time he looks over at her, she's already staring at him--her eyes wide, needy, her knees pressed tightly together.

#bill skarsgard #bill skarsgard drabble #BFF!Bill #sub tiger #bill skarsgard fanfic #bill skarsgard fiction #bill skarsgard fanfiction

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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years

Note

I'd love more from your deaging NHS AU verse! Maybe little NHS hanging out more with WWX? Or little NHS meeting JC? Or getting spoiled by JYL?

sequel to Little (deaging NHS - need to read that first)

Hosting another sect leader was both a burden and a privilege.

The burden was mostly logistical – although they’d reclaimed the Lotus Pier, they hadn’t managed to fix it all back up, and it was one thing for all of them to be living in a state more fit for wild bandits than a Great Sect but another thing entirely for them to let someone else see them do so.

Jiang Cheng couldn’t do everything himself, even if he was trying to, so Jiang Yanli stepped up to assist: she turned the kitchens into something livable, requisitioned disciples and laborers to focus on the main hall and the guest rooms, supervised the hiring of those who did the laundry and removed waste, all the important things needed to make their home an inviting one, as long as you were careful to only look at the main parts and not the rest.

Luckily, their guest was Nie Mingjue, not any of the other sect leaders, and he didn’t care. That was, Jiang Yanli suspected, the only reason that Jiang Cheng hadn’t had a full-on heart attack as the date of the man’s approach arrived.

Sure enough, he arrived with as little fanfare as possible, greeted them politely, and promptly sequestered himself, his younger brother, and his chief disciples into a room with Jiang Cheng to discuss sect business. By the time they emerged for dinner, Jiang Cheng looked worn out but immensely pleased, they’d signed a half-dozen treaties, and Jiang Yanli had enough food to feed a small army waiting for them. A good thing, too, since apparently the Nie ate like they’d been starving the week before their meal. Even Nie Huaisang made the food in front of him vanish at lightning-quick speed, and he didn’t even have the build to explain away where all of it was going.

By far the most interesting aspect of it for Jiang Yanli, however, was that Wei Wuxian had made an appearance.

This was something of a rarity recently. Something about the war had hurt him, deeply, and that reason, or for whatever reason, he was very obviously avoiding Jiang Cheng – and, as a result, neglecting the duties that ought to be his as chief disciple. Jiang Yanli knew that it was unintentional, that he still cared for both her and Jiang Cheng, for the sect. But it didn’t make it any easier for them that rather than helping them, he instead spent his days skulking around wine shops, and nothing either of them said seemed to make any difference.

Both she and Jiang Cheng had already resigned themselves to Wei Wuxian snubbing the Nie sect entirely, but to their mutual surprise he was there with a smile that Jiang Yanli hadn’t seen in weeks, boisterous and loud and trying to steal some of the plates of Nie Huaisang’s food whenever the other man turned to say something to Jiang Cheng. Without success, since being notoriously poor at any martial skill did not keep Nie Huaisang from effectively slapping away Wei Wuxian’s wandering fingers without even looking.

He even volunteered to show them around Yunmeng the next morning – meaning a walk by the river, since the Lotus Pier itself was largely not showable in its current condition – and Jiang Cheng agreed to the idea with no little relief, since he needed some time to get the treaties filed and implemented.

“I didn’t know you two had gotten so close to the Nie sect during the war,” Jiang Yanli murmured to Jiang Cheng, who rubbed his face in exhaustion and joy.

“I think it’s because it’s a reminder of happier days, with Nie Huaisang?” he said hesitantly. “Maybe? Anyway, can you make sure they get snacks along with their tea this evening? Chifeng-zun said he was full when he finished his plate, but Nie Huaisang was definitely eying his neighbor’s bowl longingly at the end there.”

Jiang Yanli hid a smile with her hand. “Of course, A-Cheng. Leave it to me.”

She made an entire pot of soup, plus a handful of side dishes, and brought up the portion to the rooms set aside for the main Nie sect herself. It wasn’t just to give them face, though of course that was important given that the Nie were their most important allies barring maybe the Jin sect – it ought to be the Jin sect, but they were playing games with it, and certain overtures by Madame Jin had led Jiang Cheng to speculate that they hoped to finalize the revival of the engagement between Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan that Jin Guangshan had unilaterally raised not long ago before agreeing to provide any actual aid.

They hadn’t yet decided if it was worth playing the game back, hinting and implying and leaving themselves wiggle room in case Jiang Yanli really didn’t want to marry Jin Zixuan in the end; luckily, this visit by the Nie sect would put off the necessity of that for a good while. Maybe even for good, depending on how good some of those trading contracts were, and Jiang Cheng’s expression gave Jiang Yanli some hope.

Still, despite the absolutely critical importance of the relationship, that wasn’t why Jiang Yanli decided to go act the part of a servant personally.

Instead, she was hoping to use the opportunity see if she could get some insight into whatever they’d done to make Wei Wuxian smile like that, and to see if she could replicate it.

She wasn’t expecting to hear Wei Wuxian’s voice from the guest quarters they’d assigned to the Nie sect.

Not only because it was a little too late for any visit to be appropriate, but because Wei Wuxian had been avoiding the Jiang clan rooms for – rather a while, now. He wasn’t even sleeping in his own bedroom.

And yet – here he was.

Talking like a child.

Jiang Yanli’s heart stopped briefly in her chest when she heard the familiar whine Wei Wuxian liked to adopt when he was playing as A-Xian: it had always been their special game, her favorite way to indulge her mischievous little brother who sometimes liked to be fed and hugged and tucked in at night, and she would have sharp words for anyone who dared criticize it. But – in front of another sect leader –

“A-Xian, stop,” Nie Mingjue’s deep voice said firmly, his amusement audible even through the door. “Give Huaisang the toy back.”

“But da-ge,” Wei Wuxian whined, even though Nie Huaisang’s laugh made clear that he had handed back whatever toy they were talking about. “Why does he get to have the toy and I don’t?”

“I brought you three toys, you brat, and Huaisang only has one. Not everything is for sharing; some things are yours and yours alone.”

Jiang Yanli reflected briefly on the differences in child-rearing techniques between the sects – if it had been Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, she would have encouraged Jiang Cheng to share, and instructed Wei Wuxian to share in return – before realizing that Nie Mingjue was reacting to Wei Wuxian’s nonsense with extraordinary calmness. Almost as if he’d dealt with it before.

Almost as if he accepted it.

Jiang Yanli steeled her spine and knocked.

“I brought some snacks, Sect Leader,” she called.

There was a brief moment of quiet – some brief murmuring in low voices – but at last he said, “Enter,” and she did.

Wei Wuxian was sitting on the floor with his face buried in Nie Mingjue’s thigh, Nie Mingjue’s hand petting through his hair in a calming gesture; behind them, a small child of around seven, dressed in oversized Nie robes, lolled around on his stomach, his legs kicked up in the air, as he toyed with some puzzle game. Jiang Yanli hadn’t realized the Nie sect had brought along a child – one certainly hadn’t been present at dinner – but under the circumstances she opted not to comment.

“I thought you might still be hungry,” she said with a smile. “So I made some snacks, and soup.”

“Soup!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed, lifting his head to reveal red cheeks. “Da-ge, you have to try shijie’s soup!”

“I intend to,” Nie Mingjue said. He was looking at Jiang Yanli thoughtfully. “Would you care to join us, Mistress Jiang?”

“I’d be happy to,” Jiang Yanli said, though she’d originally intended no such thing, and settled down to serve it out. “Thank you for taking care of A-Xian.”

“It’s nothing,” Nie Mingjue said. “A charming child, and one that speaks very highly of you. You must be very proud.”

“I am,” she agreed, and from the corner of her eye saw all the tension drain out of Wei Wuxian’s shoulders at her affirmation of their game. He scrabbled over to her side, abruptly affectionate, and cuddled up. “A-Xian, no! I need that hand to serve the soup. Didn’t you just say that you want Nie-da-ge to have some?”

Wei Wuxian pouted, but withdrew his sticky tentacles. The child on the bed laughed again and rolled over and up to his feet, hopping over to where Wei Wuxian was. “Wei-xiong can play with me while we wait.”

“Okay,” Wei Wuxian agreed at once. “We can play tag!”

“Don’t break anything,” Jiang Yanli said, and discovered to her amusement that Nie Mingjue had said the same exact thing at the same exact moment. He smiled crookedly at her, very briefly – his expression was not one usually given for smiling, typically stern and grim even when it was neutral, and the expression made him look suddenly younger.

“Younger siblings,” he said, an explanation and an excuse, and abruptly Jiang Yanli knew who the child must be. She didn’t know how it was that Nie Huaisang had physically regressed into childhood, as well as doing so emotionally the way Wei Wuxian did, but she supposed it didn’t really matter.

“Yes,” she said, and smiled back at him. “A-Xian likes it when I feed him his meals. Does…?”

Nie Mingjue shook his head. “Huaisang is very proud,” he said, voice fond. “He wouldn’t accept that sort of help from me, though perhaps he might accept it from you if he sees A-Xian getting a treat.”

“Children that age can be very jealous of each other,” Jiang Yanli agreed. “It’s a good thing that A-Xian is five today, so he can play with his friend, and not three. Maybe he can be three another time.”

“I must admit I haven’t noticed much difference so far,” Nie Mingjue remarked. “He’s still always clamoring for hugs.”

“Da-ge gives the best hugs,” Nie Huaisang said loyally.

Wei Wuxian looked a little shifty, but Jiang Yanli nodded at him supportively and he smiled. “They’re really good, shijie,” he confided in her. “He can pick me up!”

Jiang Yanli’s smile broadened, even as Nie Mingjue’s shoulders went up a little in embarrassment.

“We’re all good at different things,” she assured him. “Nie-da-ge is good at hugs, but I bet I’m better at doing your hair, right?”

“Yes! Shijie’s the best!”

“I want my hair done by Jiang-jiejie,” Nie Huaisang declared, eyes avid. “Can I?”

“After we eat,” Nie Mingjue said. “And only if you ask very nicely, and Mistress Jiang says yes.”

“I’ll say yes,” she said, and then, as an aside to Nie Mingjue, added, “You can call me Jiang-meimei if you like. If I’m calling you Nie-da-ge and all.”

He smiled again.

At some point, Jiang Yanli would need to examine how exactly Wei Wuxian had ended up taking Nie Mingjue as one of his caretakers, as well as how Nie Huaisang managed a full-fledged bodily transformation – and they’d need to bring Jiang Cheng in on this, somehow, even though he was neither caretaker nor little, simply because he would be jealous at being left out. And there was still Wei Wuxian’s unusual behavior, his inexplicable distance from all of them…

But that was a problem for later.

For now, they could just be there for them.

#mdzs #jiang yanli #wei wuxian #nie mingjue #nie huaisang #jiang cheng #my fic #my fics #little #blackestglass

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dragon-kazansky · 3 years

Text

Til death do us part | Helmut Zemo

Bodyguard AU! 🕶

Gender neutral reader

Collage by @realremyd

I'll be waiting for your responses eagerly. Come at me!

Warnings: Blood. Stabbing.

[Previous chapter] - [Next chapter]

Part 13

The night of the party. Helmut had organised an outfit to be delivered to you before hand, so right now you have been in your room awaiting it.

You had been waiting in worry. Every possible outcome of how tonight could go had run through your head. You were certain Walker would make an appearance tonight and you had to be on high alert to protect Zemo.

A knock sounds at your door. You get up and answer it. One of the maids stands there with a box in her arms. She holds it to you. You take it, thanking her. The maid leaves. You close the door and walk over to your bed, where you then place the box. You open it.

You can't help the chuckle that escapes you.

You take out the expensive looking clothes. You already knew he had fine taste, but to think he would extend that to you, it was almost overwhelming. You don't think you've ever worn something that looked like it's price tag may have more zeroes than you're comfortable with.

Regardless, you put it on.

Just as you're about done getting ready, there is another knock at your door. This time you look at yourself in the mirror as your heart skips a beat. You don't look like you. At least, not a you that you've ever known. It felt strange not to be putting on your usual suit to do a job.

You looked amazing. There was no better way to put it.

Another knock.

"Come in."

Helmut opens the door and slips into the room. You watch him in the reflection of the mirror. You smile, unable to contain it. After his confession, you feel all the more giddy when you see him.

It comes as no surprise he is also dressed to the nines. The man has immaculate taste in everything.

He's smiling at you.

Helmut comes to stand behind you, but by the time he gets there, you're standing up and facing him. The way he looks at you makes you forget how to breathe for a moment and you have to try and gather yourself without looking like a fool.

He chuckles softly.

"Absolutely breathtaking," he whispers.

"Yes, you are," you say, not really meaning to say that out loud, but it's too late to take it back. You know he heard you because of his smile.

He reaches out. You do nothing as he pulls you a little closer and looks at you.

"Shall we?" He asks, voice soft and low.

You nod.

Helmut offers you his arm. You take it. You walk together upstairs to the main hall of the estate. When you get there you are greeted with a crowd of people. So many people. The whole estate had people walking around, laughing, chatting, and dancing.

"You went all out."

Helmut smiles smugly.

"I told you, my house, I'll do what I like. I wanted a party, so a party we shall have."

He guides you further into the room. He smiles at people as you both pass through the crowds.

You had to admit, it was a thrilling experience. You had never been to a party like this, well, as a guest anyway. Normally you were on the sidelines observing and looking for any trouble.

Speaking of, you briefly catch your friends on duty. They are scattered about the room, all in great spots should things happen, but you also wondered if it was enough.

If John Walker was serious about killing Zemo, then he would use this party to his advantage, and would be smart about it too. Zemo was practically inviting him into his own, daring him to come and try.

That's what worried you the most.

"May I have this dance?" The Baron asks, smiling at you in the centre of the room.

You chuckle softly.

"I suppose."

He rolls his eyes with a grin and pulls you in close. You hope he cannot hear your heart racing rapidly in your chest. This man was making you feel things you never thought you would ever experience. How could he get you to swoon with so few actions and words?

The smile he gives you is devastatingly handsome. You're resisting the urge to melt in his arms as his eyes sparkle with a mischievous glint.

You're pulling against his chest, his face right close to your ear. You don't have to look to know he's smiling.

"See? Nothing to worry about. Just the two of us dancing in a crowded room."

"You realise that's what worries me? The room is packed with people. He could be here."

Helmut moves his head so he can look at you. His expression has fallen into something more serious.

"I won't let him hurt you."

"Stop it. That's my job. My life before yours," you tell him.

He shakes his head slowly.

"You don't understand, darling. I'm not here tonight as the Baron. I'm here as Colonel Zemo. I don't care of you're my bodyguard. Walker is a dead man if I see him, and then I'm going to take you in a proper date. I'm serious about you."

You stare at him, looking for a hint that he was messing with you, but you found nothing.

"Colonel Zemo?" You whisper.

Oh. Hearing you say that made his spine tingle. His eyes drop to your lips. You notice that. His eyes return to yours. He doesn't hesitate to kiss you.

You melt against him at last.

You give yourself to him fully. It's safe to say, you have made Helmut Zemo the proudest and happiest man in the world.

His lips were soft and warm. Your fingers, which were threading through his hair, felt how soft and fluffy his hair was. These aren't things you had thought about before, but now you write sure you wouldn't be forgetting this moment.

You wanted to stay like that forever.

Screaming.

You hear screaming.

Both of you part ways and turn your head sharply in the direction it was coming from. Helmut wraps his arms around you and holds you close to him. His gaze is hard and cold as he tries to find out what's going on.

Though you're still flustered from the kiss, you are quick to get your head back into the game.

You realise what he's doing and switch it up, pulling him behind you roughly. He is less than impressed of your move.

More screaming. People begin to scatter.

"Let me protect you," he hisses in your ear.

You turn to face him and shake your head.

"Y/N."

A gunshot rings out. You give Helmut a hard shove. He scatters backwards,unable to grab onto anything to stay upright. You look up and nod.

Natasha had her eyes in you. She nods back and does not hesitate to hop over the railing of the balcony above. She lands with a hard thud and hurried over to where the Colonel was now sitting up.

You're gone. He can't see you. In that second you had pushed him, you had rushed off and now he couldn't see you.

"Y/N!"

Natasha grabs him by the arms and pulls him up. He doesn't even look at her. He tries to push her away to go look for you, but she's tougher than she looks. Natasha holds him back.

"We have to go."

"No. If this is Walker, Y/N is not safe," he growls.

"Look, I know you're in love with them, we love them too, but Steve made a promise with them and I'm not about to break it."

Helmut turns to look at her sharply.

"What did they promise?"

"That we would carry on with our duty no matter what happened."

He glares harshly. He is not here to play nice. Helmut had only just won you over, he was not about to lose you now.

"Let go of me."

She does not.

"That's an order."

She releases him. He adjusts his jacket and storms off through the crowds, who were making their way out. This was not the party they had come for.

Natasha sighs.

"Forgive me, Y/N." She storms off after Zemo, not willing to let him go alone.

When you pushed Zemo down, your eyes caught sight of the man you hated more than anyone. He was smirking at you. He bolted the moment you saw him. You gave chase. You chased him up the long staircase, away from the party.

The crowds were thinning, he would have no one to hide behind. That also left you open too.

You saw him dart into one of the guest bedrooms. You rushed over to the door and opened it rapidly, coming to a step inside.

You didn't see Walker.

However, the room wasn't empty. Hoskins, Walker's right hand man, was standing opposite you. He had a gun in his hand, aimed right at you.

"Where is he?" You ask.

"Not here."

"This is a trap isn't it?"

He smiles, but it's not a happy smile.

"You've left the Baron's side. He's exposed."

"I can assure you, he is well guarded."

"Is he? Do you even know who you are up against?"

"I know the type of person I'm up against," you say, heart beating faster than you would like.

You're scared. You are genuinely scared.

Hoskins can see your fear.

"You're afraid. Walker already has an advantage over you."

You shake your head.

"This is a trap."

"You're smart. He likes that. Heike was smart too. It's something he loved about her."

You shake your head and turn around quickly. However, your exit is blocked. Walker stands menacingly in the doorway. He stares down at you with a sinister grin upon his face.

In his hand is a knife, glistening in the light.

Your fear grows. You didn't want to be here. You didn't want to be alone.

"Helmut..." you whisper.

Walker steps closer.

"It's a shame he had to fall in love with you. If he hadn't, your life wouldn't matter so much to me. Now, I need to use you to break down his walls."

"He will kill you," you stay, trying to keep your voice level.

"No. He will bend to me. He will kneel down and do whatever I want him to. He will bend to me."

It happens so quickly.

The knife is plunged into your abdomen. You can only stare wide eyed at Walker as your hand grab at his wrist. Even in your panicked state, where you stand with a knife in you, you know you need that knife to stay there.

Walker knows you need that knife to stay there.

That's why he takes it out.

You fall to your knees as your hands try cover the wound. He drops the knife near you and gives you a push a with his boot clad foot. You topple over and gasp loudly. Tears fall, gasps escape your lips rapidly.

Your blood was warm in your hands.

Walker and Hoskins step over you and leave. You lie there, hands at your stomach, eyes trained on the door.

You were supposed to protect him.

Helmut...

As if he had heard your thoughts, the man himself enters the room. It was the only room on this floor with door left wide open.

Walker and Hoskins were long gone.

All thoughts leave him as he kneels down beside you. He cradles you, trying to be mindful of your wounds, but he is so overcome with worry, he isn't careful enough.

"No. No!"

You look up at him. You're bleeding all over him now.

"Helmut..."

He hushes you, look down at you as he place one hand on your cheek. He needs you to look at him.

"Why did you have to run off like that?"

You go to answer but he stops you.

Natasha enters in a rush. She can't believe what she's seeing. This is far worse than last time. There was so much red.

"GET HELP!" Helmut yells, looking up at her.

Natasha scurried away.

You cry softly.

Helmut leans down and presses soft, though slightly sloppy, kisses to your forehead. He cradles you to him, using one hand to press over yours where the wound bled profusely.

"You'll be OK. You're going to be fine."

You can only cry softly as you try to cling to his warmth.

You can hear his soft cries. You can feel his heart hammering away inside his chest.

"Helmut..."

"Don't talk," he says, closing his eyes as he holds you. You were going to be alright. He would make sure of it. He will look after you.

"I love you."

He looks down at you quickly, lips parted as he tries to work put if he actually heard that.

"I love you," you said again.

"You do?" He asks, softly.

You manage a smile.

"I do."

It's then your eyes flutter closed. Panic sets in and he gives you a shake.

"Stay awake."

You keep your eyes closed.

"Y/N, stay awake!"

Nothing.

Steve and Bucky reach the end of the corridor. Natasha had called for help, passing them along the way. As quickly as she could, she told them what happened.

As they reached the hall, they come to a stop.

A sound so broken comes from up ahead.

A cry so sad, so broken, so devastated, halts them in their tracks.

And they know it belongs to the Baron.

Both of them take off.

They reach the doorway and both want to take back everything they thought they were seeing.

They wanted to believe they weren't looking at Baron Helmut Zemo cradling your body.

@thesuitkovian @justfangirlthingies @belle82devart @anteroom-of-death @silverlambcaptain @that-stupid-head-tilt-thing @lieutenantn @daniielbruhl @awesomesauce-abbie @latenightartist-author @lazygurl05 @rumblelibrary @nonamec0s @shura-gorl @ginger-abreu @caligrl1992 @livvyshmiv @luciadiosa @vverliebt @tatooineisdry @charistory @somethingthatsaysbubbles @apparrio @alex-the-nb @thewrongkhristol @hb8301 @the-chaotic-cow @mssennimatilda @uncomfortablebagel @fictionlandslanddreams @madhatter2727 @kinismanditory @the-webkinz-kier

#marvel #zemo x reader #helmut zemo x reader #helmut zemo #au #baron helmut zemo #zemo #bodyguard au

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hwangsies · 4 years

Text

LIMERENCE

(n) the state of becoming infatuated with another person

pairing: hyunjin x female reader

summary: you haven’t spoken a word to hyunjin since he ghosted you after a fun new years eve together, so what’s the worst that could happen when fate (or chaeryong,...well, same thing) pairs you up for a road trip across the country?

warnings: e2l (ish), university student!au, non idol!au ,a lot of swearing. alcohol consumption,long flashback, mentions of infidelity, hyunjin is a giggly sweetheart, smut as in: dom!hyunjin, unprotected sex (wrap it up luvs),fingering, oral (f recieving), slight choking, praise kink, hand & strenght kink (manhandleing oopsie), slight overstimulation, hyunjin is really enthusiastic about consent (as you should be, periodt), reader is nervous and scared of hyunjins big pickle (ew i hate myself), motel sex (but it’s not trashy i promise!)

8.6 k words ,meaning grab a snack and a drink,

and enjoy!<3

---

"alright everyone" your professor rubs his hands together "that was it for today... i hope you all have a great break and i'm very exited to see all of you again next semester. hopefully in person again" he chuckles.

You and your classmates exchange goodbyes with him before one after the other exits the zoom call.

"fuck" you sigh after closing your laptop and lean back on your bed.

"you did it girl" your dormmate chaeryong claps, at which you giggle before shifting your eyes to her on the other side of the room.

She's sitting on her bed, folding her clothes before putting it in her suitcase thats placed in front of her.

"finally" you sit up and watch her roll up a pair of socks.

"my last class was yesterday and mrs kim teared up" she giggles "it was kinda cute not gonna lie"

"oh god" you snicker.

"hey did you find someone to take to yongin?" you ask, remebering chearyong talking about wanting to find someone to share gas expenses with in exchange for a ride to her hometown.

"oh yea, i did" she turn to you "i think you know him, seo changbin?"

You furrow your brows in thought, you feel like you've heard of the name.

"he's a music major, one year above us, hes also from yongin" she continues folding a pair of jeans "funny you'd ask actually cause he told me one of his friends was looking for a ride to seoul, isn't that where you're going?"

"Yea i was thinking about finding someone honestly because gas is really fucking expensive if you aint rich" you say, placing your laptop onto your nightstand.

"Mm you aint gotta tell me girl" chaeryong mumbles, folding a sweatshirt.

"so who's that friend?" you ask, stretching out on your bed.

"he's in his grade, hyunjin"

Your neck almost cracks from how fats you whip your head “hwang hyunjin?”

"Oh yea" she points at you "you know him?"

"unfortunately" you huff.

"o-oh, what"s the tea?" your roommate wiggles her brows at which you shake your head.

"nothing much really" you sigh, leaning back again "he's just like the most arrogant and stuck up fuckboy ever"

"wow, well thats not nothing" chaeryong laughs "any reason as to why you think that?"

"you could probably ask any girl on campus and she'll tell you the same" you scoff.

"really girl?" chaeryong squints an eye at you playfully "cause i've only heard of him being hot but never of him being a hoe. And you know i'm the first to know the hot gossip" she winks.

Laughing defeatedly, running your hand through your hair.

"it's just- we hit it off at the campus' new years eve party, like really hit it off- at least thats what i thought"

"oooh spill it spill it" chaeryong leaps over to your bed to sit at the end of it.

"well there's really not much to spill, i gave him my number and he was talking all that smack about taking me out and stuff aaand to make a long story short i never heard from him again"

"well" chaeryong speaks slowly, biting her lip guiltily "i dont think you'll be very happy about me giving changbin your number for him, then?"

"you did what???" your eyes almost pop out of your head.

"sooorryy" she jumps up from your bed, clutching her hands apologetically "i didnt know"

"aaaaarghh" you whine, burying your face in your pillow.

"maybe he won't even text you though" chaeryong tries to console you, but the damage is already done...

unknown number - hey i got this number from changbin, i heard you're driving up to seoul, i'd love to tag along if you're looking for someone to share expenses with -recieved at 9:12 am

You huff looking at the message on your phone.

After chaeryong had left last night you really convinced yourself that he couldn't possibly dare to reach out to you.

But here you are reading his message after just waking up, and your day is already ruined.

you - who is this? - sent at 9:56 am

You know who it is, but you're not going to give him the satisfaction of thinking that you do.

Scoffing when he answers almost immediately.

unknown number - this is hyunjin, did i reach the right person? - recieved at 9:57 am

You have two choices at this point.

1. be petty and bitter about a boy who probably doesn't even remember you.

Or 2. move on and help someone who is also just trying to get home and also maybe get some closure.

So you curse your mother for rasing you so well and suck it up.

you - yea sure, i planned on leaving tomorrow at around 6 pm - sent at 10:02 am

Damn you and your common human decency.

he sus - oh okay great :) i only have one suitcase and a backpack btw so i wont take up alot of space or anything - recieved at 10:05 am

he sus - also i feel weird bc i dont know ur name or anything changbin literally just sent me the number and nothing else lol, also 6 sounds good should we meet at the main building then? -sent at 10:06 am

You're quite honestly not shocked that he seems nice over text because he was the same when you met on new years eve.

you - sure lets meet at the main building, my car is white and my name is y/n - sent at 10:09 am

Cringing as you press the send button because you are 99% certain he won't answer anymore; not that you'd care, obviously.

he sus - alright y/n see you tomorrow at 6 then :) - recieved at 10:14 am

You raise your brows when your phone lights up with his message, does he really not remember you?

Was he that drunk?

Well, it doesnt matter because you don't want to pay for all this gas alone and he seems to be the next best option to fix that.

So you shrug it off and get out off bed to run some last errands and start packing.

Your heart is beating unreasonably fast when you take a turn towards the main building at 5:55 pm the next day.

Calm down y/n it’ll just be 5 hours and who says you have to talk to him?

However you do know deep in your heart that you only wanted to arrive just a little early so you could complain about him being late.

That plan got cut short because your eyes fall on him as you pull up to the main building.

He’s- oh my god he’s blonde. You stop your car and he looks up at you.

“it is you!” hyunjin smiles at you when you step out of the car.

“who else would it be?” you ask, a little irritated at his reaction.

His face drops a bit when he sees you clearly annoyed by him, but the doesn’t blame you; he’d be mad too.

You open your trunk for him to put his weirdly small suitcase into, looking him up and down as he lifts it inside.

He’s wearing dark baggy pants and a windbreaker jacket, the top part of his chin-length blonde hair is pulled back into a messy ponytail.

He seemed to have bulked up as well, shoulders looking broader than what you remember.

The hair is different than the jet black hair that you remember on him, but it suits him very well; to be honest he would look good in any hair colour, not that you’d care though.

The first thirty minutes of the ride go by agonizingly slow and in complete silence.

When you drive onto the freeway you can’t take it anymore and mumble something among the lines of ‘wanna listen to some music?’.

You don’t wait for an answer, pressing the radio button right as you finish your sentence.

“uh, actually” hyunjin starts, his hand lifting to turn the radio back off, your eyes snap towards him, is he serious? Turning off your radio in your car?

“I wanted to address this situation” he says rather quietly.

You scoff “what? You realized that this is awkward just now?”

“no- I mean- yes I understand why you would think that but I just really want a chance to explain myself” he stutters.

“explain yourself” you repeat after him before mumbling “sure because there’s so much to explain”

“listen, I know you think I’m an asshole who just ghosted you b-“

“listen, I can handle rejection, you could’ve just said that you weren’t looking for something serious and I would’ve accepted that. The thing I’m mad about though is you literally making false promises and shit”

Hyunjin blinks at you “can I please just explain to you what happened?”

You let out a long huff “sure” you wave your hand “go ahead”

“when you and your friends left at around 4, you wrote your number on my arm with your eyeliner, correct?” he asks.

Glancing over at him, you nod.

“after you where gone, I was already pretty drunk but then my friends decided to drag me with them to a different party that was still going” you see him fiddling with his hands in your peripheral “well I got super fucking shitfaced at that party and ended up puking on this one guys shoes”

You raise your eyebrows and hold back a laugh, which he notices.

“its okay you can laugh” he chuckles as well.

“anyways that guy was not very happy about it and busted my lip before kicking me and my friends out, so then back in the dorm my roommate sat me in the shower because I was full of alcohol, blood and puke”

“ew” you chime in.

“and when I woke up the next morning your number was gone” hyunjin looks over at you “we don’t have any mutual friends, I didn’t know what your major is so I couldn’t even asks for you in the administrating office, and then the covid lockdown happened and here we are”

“you called the administrating office?” you look over at him, he nods a little smile on his stupid pretty lips.

“yep, so, sorry to tell you but your eyeliner is not waterproof” he jokes at which you playfully knit your brows at him.

“believe me, I wanted to text you. I really wanted to take you out; and when you sent me your name yesterday I didn’t know if this was a lucky coincidence or if you’re a different y/n, that’s why I didn’t say anything” he explains.

You take a deep breath as you realize you have to apologize for going off on him just now, you believe him but you hate apologizing.

“well, I feel like an ass for going off on you like that after hearing all this” you chuckle “I’m sorry” you eye him shortly before looking back on the road.

“it’s okay, you don’t have to apologize I get how it looked, very much sus” he laughs with you.

Coming back to your car after you took a bathroom break on a highway rest-stop, you see hyunjin sitting in the drivers seat.

“what do you think you’re doing?” you smile as you sit down on the passenger seat.

“I thought maybe you’d like to sleep since its dark already and you’ve been driving for almost 3 hours” he suggests while putting on his seatbelt.

“well, I wont say no to that” you shrug and put your seatbelt on as well.

“so when did you go blonde?” you ask curiously.

“uh- around end of june” hyunjin chuckles “it was a dare if I’m being honest but I ended up liking it and got it redone”

“oh okay” you check out his profile once more and follow his hair with your eyes “I like it”

“yea?”

“yea, which is weird cause I’m usually not into blondes at all” you wonder.

“hm” he grins “must be me then” he says before winking at you.

“pfff, in your dreams” you rebuttal playfully, at which he laughs and mumbles a ‘true’.

You don’t react to it because you think your ears are playing tricks on you.

“hey I have a question too” hyunjin says.

“what’s up” you lean your arm against the window as you look over at him.

His face is slightly lit by the lights of the other cars, no seriously, how can a side profile be so perfect?

“why did you even agree to take me with you if you thought I ghosted you?” he grins.

You laugh “well, I’m a nice person and I know not a lot of people there are from seoul and my mom raised me right, okay?”

“okay okay” he giggles, the way his eyes crinkle when he does makes you smile everytime.

“or…did you have such a good time with me on new years that you just had to jump on this opportunity?” he quips, carefully stealing a peek at you.

“sure, why do you think I was so upset when you didn’t text” you feign sadness.

The both of you laugh before falling into comfortable silence.

When looking outside your window, you think back to said new years eve.

-(flashback)

“oh my god” you said, stepping into the big hall that usually is the universities gym. But whoever planned this outdid themselves.

A dj was placed on one of the tribunes and a whole buffet of drinks and punches on the other, as well as a big disco ball hanging from the ceiling, making the room shimmery and shiny.

You could see people coming out of the doors that connected into the universities hall on one side and into the locker rooms on the others, as if it wasn’t already packed.

“this is fucking insane” lia, your roommate from last semester, squeaked while grabbing your arm and jumping a little, her voice overpowering the blasting music..

“I wanna get fucking hammered tonight” you turned to her.

“oh babe don’t worry, we didn’t come here to drink soda” she laughed before spotting some of your other friends.

About five minutes before midnight you and some more girls gathered at the buffet of drinks and started doing shots.

You all had decided that instead of kissing someone at 12 o’clock you’d ring in 2020 with a shot, because alcohol can’t cheat on you.

You were laughing at something when some people started the countdown.

10!

“HAPPY NEW YEAR”

Every one shouted and celebrated in union as you downed your shot.

“happy new year babe” lia hugged you after downing hers.

“happy new year!” you shouted into her ear, full of relief that this stressful year was over.

“lets do another one” she grinned widely after your whole friend group had shared their wishes with each other.

A girl you didn’t know very well handed you another shot, just as you emptied your glass you heard a guy yell something before stumbling into your back.

“jesus” you stumbled forward a bit before turning around, ready to throw someone a dirty look.

“I’m so sorry, are you okay?” in front of you suddenly stood a tall dark haired young man with almost too perfect facial features, frowning a little out of concern.

“nothing happened” you smiled, taking a step towards him so he’d hear you better.

“I’m glad” he replied, a grin slowly stretched across his handsome face

“I’m y/n” you giggled as you held out your hand.

His eyes crinkled with his smile as he took your hand in his “I’m hyunjin” he said before pressing a kiss to the back of your hand.

“okay guys let her have her fun lets go over there” you hear lia usher your friends away from behind you.

“happy new year y/n” he said before instinctively pulling you a little closer to him when a group of people passed behind you.

“happy new year hyunjin” you replied, a slow blush creeping on your face from how intensely he was taking in your appearance.

“well yea happy fucking new years to me for running into you” he joked before taking a sip, your brain wasn’t able to function anymore so you just giggled and nervously pushed your hair behind your ear.

It had been way too long since you’d talked to a guy, especially someone as attractive as him

“you’re fucking stunning” hyunjin complimented you and lifted your hand with his to make you spin for him, to which you complied because you took a long time getting ready and always appreciate being appreciated.

“thank you” you were crimson red by now but hoped he wouldn’t see because of the dimmed lights.

“how come I’ve never seen you around? I would’ve remembered you” he tilted his head.

“oh this was my first year here and I live on the other side of campus so…” you nodded slowly “but yea I would’ve remembered you too”

He grinned before downing his drink and putting on the table next to the both of you.

“wanna dance?”

That’s how you found yourself on the dance floor with hyunjin pressed against your back.

Slowly but surely the alcohol made you braver; and it didn’t take long for the dj to play perfect songs to grind yourself against his toned body to.

His reaction was instant, hands gripping even harder at your waist and his own movements matching your own.

You looked back at him just to have the air knocked out of your lungs, a barely there sheen of sweat was covering his forehead; his pupils were dilated and his lips were slightly parted before his tongue swiftly swept over his lower lip.

He looked like sex on legs and moved like it too.

His plump lips formed into a grin when he noticed you staring, you didn’t know if it was the alcohol running through your system but you so desperately wanted to kiss him.

“can’t stop looking at you either, pretty” he lowered his head to mumble against your cheek before pressing a kiss there.

“you’re so goddamn sexy” you blurted out as you turned around to face him, running one of your hands through his dark hair before positioning them on his firm chest.

He threw back his head as his chest vibrated with laughter.

“don’t laugh at me” you laughed as you locked eyes again.

“you’re cute when you’re drunk” hyunjin brought one hand to your face to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

“you dont even know me sober” you giggle “also i’m not drunk!” you protested playfully, his hands found your waist in the meantime to pull you flush to his body; at which you gasped almost inaudibly.

“oh really?” he looked down at you, clearly amused “didn’t you drink like 5 shots half an hour ago?”

“well well well, I didn’t know I had an audience” you countered, looping your arms around his neck.

Hyunjin prodded at the inside of his cheek with his tongue before looking away for a swift second, slightly embarrassed because he just exposed himself.

You felt yourself gush a little when he licked his lips again after bringing his gaze back to you.

“so you almost knocked me over on purpose?” you grinned even bigger when he shook his head laughingly.

“listen” he chuckled, leaning down unnecessarily close because you could hear him perfectly fine but you weren’t going to complain.

“I actually didn’t run into you on purpose, that was my friends doing after he saw me notice you” he said.

You mouthed an ‘ahh’ while nodding, feigning disbelief.

“I’m serious” hyunjin laughed “I still have to thank him later; I would’ve probably chickened out”

He got quieter at the end of his sentence, his eyes jumping to your lips when you wet your lower lip with your tongue quickly.

“i-m glad he pushed you then” you replied, trying to hide the fact that your heart was pumping your blood in record time.

“yea” he inched his face closer to yours as you tilted your chin up to meet him in the middle “me too”

His eyes switched from your lips to your eyes one more time before closing the gap between the both of you.

His lips were firm but soft at the same time in the way they moulded against yours, you swore you could hear lia squealing from somewhere but maybe you were just hearing things.

But when his tongue touched yours in the most tentative way you lost contact to what was going on around you, slinging your arms tighter around his neck and deepening the kiss.

A tiny groan escaped hyunjins throat when you carded your fingers through his hair to tug on it and release some of the adrenalin that rushed through you.

He was slow and explorative and let you take control from time to time before sucking on your lower lip and making you loose it.

You didn’t know how many songs had passed; to be honest you didn’t even remember what song was playing when you started kissing.

All you knew in that moment was hyunjins lightly flushed cheeks, swollen lips and dark glistening eyes.

“let’s go somewhere else?” he questioned in a whisper when you bit your lip, nodding at his question.

He grabbed your hand in his before manoeuvring the both of you through the dancing and celebrating crowd.

Before you knew it, hyunjin pulled you into the entrance hall of the university where multiple people had the same idea as you.

Couples scattered across the big room, some just talking, most of them however making out heavily.

“come on” he softly tugged at your hand, smiling when your gaze falls on him.

He lead you up the big flight of stairs onto a floor of the building you’ve never been to, stopping in front of a random room before pulling a small set of keys out of his back pocket.

After unlocking the door, he opened it to let you step inside.

It was a dance studio, the wall right across from you was just one huge mirror through which you could see the big couch in the back of the room and the water dispensers next to it.

“why do you have the keys for this room?” you asked, giggling.

Hyunjin grinned as he closed the door “I’m a dance major, we all have keys for the practice rooms”

“that’s so cool” you beamed “I wish I could dance” you looked around the room, walking towards the mirrored wall a little bit.

“you were moving just fine earlier” hyunjin came up behind you, nimble hands finding your waist as he looked you up and down through the mirror intensely, now that you were under the bright lights of the room.

You couldn’t help but to smile a little at that, the tight little glitter dress that you had chosen really did accentuate your curves in the best way possible, paired with the cute black heels which made your legs look way longer than they actually are.

“but that was like club sexy dancing, you know?” you elaborated.

“hm” he hummed amusedly “whats wrong with sexy club dancing?” you turned around to him.

He didn’t look to shabby himself, all in black, a chic button up with some jeans and a belt; accessorized with rings on his pretty fingers, a dainty silver necklace and some small earrings.

Some might say he was underdressed, but the way he carried himself with such confidence, and that face of his must for sure be a panty dropper, you thought.

“nothing but… I don’t know, teach me something” you pleaded.

“what do you want me to teach you?” he laughed.

“I don’t know a pirouette or something” you suggested, laughing as well.

“okay” he grinned “this is like the base stance” he positioned himself correctly before looking at you to see if you were following his instructions.

“mhm” you hummed, replicating what he was doing.

“and then you get momentum with one leg to be able to swing yourself around, like this” hyunjin explained before executing a perfect pirouette and ending it back in the base stance.

“that was fast” you chuckled.

“your turn” he grins before moving behind you “try to keep your eyes on yourself in the mirror otherwise you’ll loose balance”

“okay” you said unsurely.

“I’ll catch you if you fall” he winked at you, at which you scoff playfully before carefully swinging yourself into a pirouette.

You landed on wobbly legs but before you could tip over hyunjin stabilized you with a firm grip on your hips.

“you’re a natural” he grinned at you through the mirror.

“well thank you” you playfully feigned cockiness before he spun you around himself.

A few seconds pass of the both of you taking in each others features in silence, the only thing you could hear was the faint music of the party downstairs, before hyunjin spoke up.

“can I kiss you?”

You fell into giggles again as you let your forehead rest against his collarbone before looking up again “we’ve kissed before”

“yea but that was like a moment and I don’t want to catch you off guard or anything” he mumbles cutely.

“mm” you nod “ you can kiss me”

And with a smile, he does.

You weren’t surprised when his first gentle ministrations turned into more desperate ones rather quickly because you could feel the warmth spread in your lower regions as well.

He walked the both of you over to the couch, only parting from your lips when he sat down on the black leather material of the couch.

“come here, pretty girl” he took your hand to help you straddle him, your dress riding up but you couldn’t care less if he saw your safety shorts, and he didn’t seem to care either by the way he feverishly connected your lips again.

His hands travelled down to squeeze at your waist before smoothing over your ass and grabbing a handful of each cheek, you moaned into the kiss when you realized how big his hands were.

Your own hands were squeezing at his shoulders before one moved into his soft hair while the other softly rested on his cheek.

The kiss was messy and desperate, teeth clinking together and tongues licking at each other.

The things that riled you up the most however were his groans and praises.

“you’re so fucking sexy” he groaned before moving down to kiss at your jaw and down your neck.

A needy whimper escaped from your throat when he started suckling the sensitive skin at the base of your throat.

“fuck-hyunjin” you moaned when his teeth grazed over your clavicle.

Your hands fumbled before landing on his belt, at which he pulled away from your skin, gently taking your hands off of his belt.

“I’d love to take you out first, actually” his pretty kiss swollen lips twitched up into a shy smile as he pants.

“oh” you were taken aback, you were almost certain that this was something regular for him “I thought-“

“I mean if you just want to fuck we can fuck of course” he chuckled “but- I actually think you’re really cute and fun and I’d love to get to know you better”

Your mouth stood a little agape “uh- I mean-I” you stuttered, your brain not functioning properly because of the alcohol running through your veins but also him!

“its okay if you just want, you know-“

“no!” you blurted out all over sudden, making him flinch a little “sorry, uhm- its just been a while since I had a date” you smile apologetically.

His expression visibly brightens “that’s okay” he giggled “so is that a yes?”

You grinned, leaning in to just barely brush your lips with his, his head twitching upwards in an attempt to connect them fully.

“yes” you whispered, at which he smiled brightly before pulling your in for a kiss by your neck.

-(flashback end)

“y/n”

“hey, y/n” you grumble when you feel someone gently rocking your shulder.

“mmm-what?” you peek your eyes open just to see hyunjin smile at you.

“good morning sunshine” he teases as you sit up in your seat when you realize you aren’t driving anymore.

“just kidding its not morning” he says as you look around your car, realizing your on a parking lot.

“where the fuck are we?” you whip your head towards him “did you bring me here to kill me? kidnap me?”

“wha?- no” he laughs “no, I’m sorry. Right after you fell asleep there was this huge traffic jam because of an accident and we stood there for almost 3 hours so I drove off and found this” he points out the rear window, where you see a small motel building.

You look back at him before checking the time on your phone, seeing it was indeed almost midnight.

“fuck” you swear to yourself.

“I didn’t know if you wanted to keep driving because I was getting tired so I thought maybe-“ hyunjin starts rambling guiltily, not wanting you to thing that this was an attempt to get in your pants.

“hey” you put your hand on his shoulder after taking off your seatbelt “this is good, you made the right decision I think we both could use some sleep” you say.

You each take your suitcases and walk inside, it’s an old building but it looks pretty clean for a motel off of the highway.

“good evening you two” an old lady sits behind the, probably just as old, reception.

“good evening, could we get 2 single rooms, please” hyunjin speaks up politely.

“I’m afraid we only have 2 double bed rooms available, if you’d like to take them, they will however be more expensive than the rooms for one” she explains politely.

“its okay, we’ll take one of those, please” you decide, hyunjins head snapping towards you.

“is that okay?” you ask him.

“yea- sure” he nods.

“alright, room 301 it is” she hands you the key before stating that you’ll have to checkout before 12 pm and what the room costs.

“do you accept card?” hyunjin asks at which the friendly old lady nods before taking his card and swiping it through her little machine.

“I’ll venmo you half of what you paid” you say after unlocking room 301.

He tsk’s at you before shaking his head “don’t, it was my idea so I’ll pay”

“are you sure?” you ask closing the door behind you when he turns on the lights.

“yup-oh” he exclaims.

“this room is cute” you say, it’s small but the walls are a soft sunflower yellow, decorated with paintings of autumn leaves .

The bed looks clean, and when you smell the mouse gray blankets and pillows, they smell fresh as well.

“stop smelling the pillows” hyunjin laughs.

“I’ve never been to a motel, I thought everything would be dirty or ancient” you confess comically.

He chuckles as he comes out of the small bathroom “the bathroom is clean too, don’t worry” he says when you look at him expectantly.

“I’ll sleep on the floor if you want” he offers as you open your suitcase to get out your toothbrush and pj’s.

“it’s fine, hyunjin I’ve slept in the same bed as a male before” you joke.

“well how am I supposed to know that?” he counters, at which you throw your pj shorts at him out of reflex.

When you realize what you had done it was too late, he was already holding them out in front of him before giggling.

“very cute choice” he mocks the small white shorts with red hearts all over it.

“stoop” you whine, trying to fish it out of his hands but he holds them over his head like a kindergartener.

“I remember why I don’t like you” you pout, crossing your arms.

His face drops alongside with his arms “I thought we were past that”

You use his moment of weakness to snatch your shorts out of his hands “gotcha”

“see I told you I was gonna take you out” hyunjin beams at you before looking down at the various snacks he took from the motels vending machine, which were laying in between the both of you on the bed.

“and so luxurious too” you joke, crossing your legs.

“only the best for you” he grins when you open a pack of fruit jellies.

“you know, I was thinking about new years” you say “ and I realized that it was your fault!”

Hyunjin throws his head back as he groans playfully “why?”

“if you hadn’t lost your phone when we got back downstairs, I wouldn’t have had to write my number on your arm; or you could’ve just given me your number and I could’ve text you. But you didn’t even know your own number!” you laugh in reminiscence.

“listen” he laughs “I was drunk and you’re hot! I couldn’t think” he defends himself before taking a bite off a chocolate bar.

You blush a little but play it off with a laugh.

“but yes, I admit, it was indeed my fault” he dramatically holds his hand in front of his eyes.

“yeeees!” you exclaim victoriously.

“I’m kidding though” you pat his knee “I forgive you”

“I’m glad” he smiles.

After the both of you are done eating way too many sweets, you find yourself being really comfortable when talking to hyunjin.

He’s funny, doesn’t seem like he’s full of himself and just in general seems like a very kind person.

“I thought you were a fuckboy when me met” you confess, looking at him.

Propped on one elbow looking down at you, while you lay on your side towards him, his face illuminated only by the little lights on each of your nightstands.

“you did?” he asks confusedly.

“yea” you chuckle “you were so confident and…sexy I don’t know” you place your hand over your face in embarrassment.

“oh that was the liquid courage talking, I’m usually pretty shy” he shakes his head smilingly when you peek through your fingers.

“don’t lie” you push his shoulder softly.

“I’m serious!” he laughs.

“you were the first guy to approach me at a party” you pause “like ever”

“no way, you’re lying now” he furrows his brows.

“nope” you shake your head.

“but I was really close to not talking to you as well, I’m sure there were many guys before me that just didn’t have the liquid courage, like I did” he speculates.

“maybe” you say.

“have any exes?” he asks after a few seconds.

“yea, one”

“well how did you meet him?”

“he showed me around on my first day of freshman year, I transferred like in the middle of the first semester so I wasn’t with any other freshmen” you tell him.

“why’d you break up if I may ask?” hyunjin asks carefully.

“oh we were only together for like three weeks, you can’t even call I relationship. He used me to make his hot ex jealous and cheated on me with her” you say “but hey they’re back together at least” you scoff.

“i’m sorry” he mumbles at which you look up at him.

“it’s not your fault” you chuckle.

“well, still no one should feel that way” he says “you know that you were way too good for him right?”

You nod.

“what about you? Have any exes?” you ask back.

He snickers “only one in seoul”

“why didn’t you last?”

“it was a long distance situation, she was super jealous and couldn’t trust me. which I can understand to a certain degree but everytime I went out she wanted me to facetime her and show her what kinds of people were there with me. That was just too much” he explains.

“wow” you chuckle “that doesn’t sound fun either”

Hyunjin shakes his head “nope, but hey we got rid of ‘em, didn’t we?”

“yea” you giggle “plus if I hadn’t broken up with him I would’ve probably never gone to the new years eve party”

“I guess I owe him something then” he grins as you scooch up on the bed.

“can I kiss you?” you ask after a few seconds of silence.

“hm?” hyunjins eyes almost spring out of his head.

“I don’t want to catch you off guard” you grin as you repeat his words from the night you met, sitting up.

He licks his lower lip as a grin stretches over his face as he sits up as well “do your worst”

You get up on your knees to shuffle over to him, when you get close enough hyunjin grabs one of your thighs and lifts it over his legs so you’re straddling him.

Once you sit down on his lap, your eyes lock again and you’re once again baffled as to how someone can be so god damn attractive.

His eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips expectantly, a shaky breath leaving his lips when you lean in.

Your lips connect and it feels like all the pent up energy of liking him since that night finally gets set free, sparks glowing behind your lit and his hands leaving a trail of fire where ever they go.

They squeeze at your thighs and waist, pulling you impossibly close to himself.

A whimper tears from your throat when his tongue licks at yours, he tastes like chocolate and what could only be described as him.

He moans into the kiss when you tug at the blonde locks that weren’t pulled back into the ponytail; before pulling the hair tie out of his hair to free it and finally card your fingers through all of the blonde glory.

Before you realize what’s going on, hyunjin lifts the both of you before dropping you on your back and crawling above you.

The fact that he just lifted the both of you from a sitting position as if you weigh nothing makes you feel all types of hot.

“you’re so hot holy shit” you pant as you push his long hair out of his face.

“ditto” he only grins before attaching his lips to your exposed collarbone and sucking a bruise into the skin.

“take it off” you moan as you tug on the dark blue calvin klein shirt he’s wearing.

His lips release the skin of your collarbone before sitting up to pull the shirt over his head.

If your mouth wasn’t already open from your heavy breathing, you would’ve opened it now because his body is more sculpted and toned than you had expected.

Your hand lifts to smooth over his abs, muscles flexing as he connects your lips again.

His one hand slides from your waist up to cup one of your breasts, gently palming the soft flesh.

“I know I said I wanted to take you out first but-“ he mumbles against your lips.

“you bought me a lovely dinner” you interrupt him, threading your fingers through the hair that’s falling down into his vision.

He grins, dropping a short peck to your lips before his the grin gets wiped off his face “I don’t have a condom with me”

“I’m on the pill” you let him know “I got tested before the lockdown and I haven’t been with anyone since soo…”

“yea, me too, I was tested a few months ago” he nods.

You nod back, biting your lip as you absently play with his hair.

“do you trust me?” hyunjin asks, observing your demeanour.

“yea- yea I do I’m just nervous” you smile awkwardly.

“no” he coos before kissing you “why are you nervous?”

“just haven’t been with anyone for a while” you confess.

Hyunjin nods understandingly “if you don’t want to do this we’ll stop”

“no I really want to” you look into his eyes as confidently as you can.

“okay” he smiles, planting his lips on yours again.

“can i?” his voice gives you goosebumps when he mumbles against the sensitive skin under your ear, his fingers slowy undoing the loose knot of your heart shorts.

“yes” you say when he locks eyes with you.

“I love these shorts” he softly presses a kiss to your knee, trying to calm your nerves a little, before he gently rocks your hips to pull them off of you.

You blush a little out of embarrassment but smile when you lift your hips to help him.

“cute” he whispers when he see’s your panties have a little bow on the front.

He chuckles when you hide your face in embarrassment, pulling you closer to him again by your thighs before you let him kiss you again.

“can I take this off too?” hyunjin whispers, softly pulling at the fabric of the tank top you’re wearing, at which you nod.

You are still wearing a bra when he pulls it off so you take it into your own hands and unclasp your bra.

Your nipples stiffen a little at the sudden exposure to air, as well as to hyunjin’s admiring gaze.

“fuck” he muses when palming your breasts in his big hands, gently pushing them together an running his thumbs over your nipples.

A whimper involuntarily leaves your lips when he wraps his plump lips around one of the perked up nubs and sucks gently.

“so fucking pretty, princess” you feel yourself pathetically clench around nothing at his praise.

You feel one of his hands wander downwards to provide some friction for you, he slots his lips against yours when you tentatively roll your hips against his hand.

Hyunjin feels his cock get even harder when an almost desperate moan tumbles from your lips against his. So he ads a little more pressure and starts circling your clit with two fingers, your sighs of pleasure mixing into the kiss.

“you’re so sensitive baby” he whispers as he parts his lips from yours “can I go down on you?” he grazes his lips over your chest, looking up at you seductively.

You nod as you bite your lip, hyunjin placing a few kisses on your tummy before shortly sitting up to also free you from your soaked panties.

The first stripe he licks up your slit, and how he swirls the tip of his tongue around your clit expertly sends you to heaven.

His hands are gripping your thighs to prevent you from closing your legs, your hands are tangled in his hair and the sheets.

“hyunj-fuck” you cry out when his tongue enters you.

He carefully prods one finger at your entrance “is that okay?” he asks, his voice hoarse and dripping with lust.

“yea” you sigh.

Once you adjust to one finger, he adds a second one, curling them upwards to search for that specific patch inside of you.

“yes-fuck right there” you moan when his fingers press onto the sweetest spot inside of you, tugging at his hair a little harshly. But you feel him moan against you, getting lost in your taste as he sucks your clit in between his soft lips.

Your hips buckle against his mouth as your eyes roll backwards, feeling the warmth of your orgasm approach rapidly.

“fuck fuck yes-hyunjin” you cry out just before he tipped you over the edge with his skillful ministration, your orgasm rushing up your spine and into your head, endorphins spreading everywhere.

A cry of pleasure fills the room as your thighs starts trembling with the aftershocks, clamping around his head when he drives you into overstimulation.

“oh-shit-“ you pant as you softly pushed on his forehead to get him away from your clit, his fingers still inside you, guiding you through your high.

He nibbles on your inner thigh apologetically. You can still hear your heartbeat in your ears after hyunjin removes his fingers from you and sits up, gently holding your legs together to help you calm down.

“fuck” you mewl, a soft smile tugging at his lips.

He’s wanted to do this for so long and there you are, with all of your naked glory in front of him.

While he’s daydreaming about you, you sit up and start fiddling with his sweatpants.

“you want more?” he quips, once he realises what you’re doing, leaning in to kiss you.

“mhm” you humm into the kiss affirmitavely when his hand holds you close to him by your jaw.

With a quick last peck to your lips he simultaneously shimmies the soft black sweats and his boxers off of himself.

You apparently visibly gulp at the sight of his cock because hyunjin smirks cockily “like what you see?” as he crawls above you again, his lips finding yours again and not waiting for an answer.

“I don’t know if you’ll fit” you mumble when he suckles at the soft nook of skin under your ear.

“we can stop here” he offers softly before locking eyes again.

You shake your head as you reach down to fist his length, slowly pumping it and smearing the few drops of precum around.

“no, you’re just really big” you huff with a shy smile on your lips at which hyunjin groans.

“you’re gonna be the death of me, you know?” he mutters against your lips before kissing you deeply, his hand smoothing over the slope of your waist before coming up to gently pinch at one of your nipples.

Eliciting a soft high pitched moan from you, this only spurs him on.

Rolling his tongue against yours desperately and making you taste yourself before sinfully sucking at the wet muscle.

All the while you’re stroking him with your small hand before cupping his balls, as if he didn’t already feel like he’s gonna blow his load way too early.

“please” you whine, guiding his reddened tip towards your entrance.

Hyunjin releases a shaky breath before replacing your hand with his, rutting his hips against yours a few times, coating his length in your wetness.

This already had your toes curling, suppressing a whine as you lock your legs around his waist.

“tell me if it hurts, yea?” he breathes, only pressing inside you after you nod, dropping a kiss to your swollen lips.

“fuck” he swears softly, tucking his face in the crook of your neck when he breaches your tight walls for the first time.

Your fingers tighten in his hair at the back of his neck when a subtle sting flares up inside of you.

“ah-“ your body flinches a little when he presses further inside, hyunjin notices, observing your expression before kissing your cheek and sitting up slowly.

“you’re doing so good, baby” he lifts his thumb to his lips, swiftly kitten-licking the digit before bringing it to where your bodies join.

Gently rolling your clit under his thumb to distract you from the pain.

“you look so perfect like this” his other hand travels over your stomach to gently squeeze at your breasts “all spread out for me”

You whimper, arching your back when hyunjin thrusts into you carefully; the pain slowly subsiding and the ache to be fully filled up by him growing exponentially when his cock rubs against your g spot.

“hyunjin” you moan, gripping onto his hand, which is resting atop your breast.

“yes baby, I’m here” he groans at how tight you feel once he’s balls deep inside of you, abandoning your clit to grab you by the hips for leverage.

His other hand resting on your cheek now, after a few trusts you moan “harder, please”

Hyunjin groans and fulfils your wish, at one particularly harsh thrust, you latch your lips around his pointer and middle finger, sucking at them.

“oh my god-that’s so fucking hot” he grunts through clenched teeth.

His cock dragging along your walls deliciously, filling you up to the brim as you hum around his slender fingers in pleasure.

“you like my hands that much baby?” his jaw is clenched and the grip on your waist is rough , the contrast to how sweet he was just a few minutes earlier had you clench around him furiously.

“fuck-“ he breathes when you nod to the best of your abilities, eyes wide open and holding his gaze.

You only release his fingers from in between your lips in favour for a loud high pitched moan when his other hand finds your clit again, rubbing harsh circles into the bud.

“-gonna cum-huynjin” you dig your nails into his biceps, eyes squeezing shut.

“yea?” he grits through his teeth the fingers that were previously trapped in your mouth now wrapping around your bared throat.

Not squeezing tightly, just resting there as if to show you that you’re his now.

Your thought gets confirmed when he rasps “you’re gonna date me after this, right pretty girl?”

You do look so pretty right now, tits bouncing and skin slapping because of the fast rhythm that he’s snapping his hips into yours, not to mention the subtle sheen of sweat that’s coating the both of you.

A desperate breathy chuckle tumbles from your lips “ yes-yes fuck” you feel your second orgasm creeping up on you.

“cum for me princess, all over my cock” he urges you on, his tip hammering into the sweet spot inside of you repeatedly before you crash into your second high of the night.

Your body convulses in pleasure as you call out his name mixed with profanities, your toes curling so hard you’re not sure if you can ever uncurl them again, and your nails probably leaving painful indents in his skin.

His thumb on your clit slows down until you grab his hand for him to stop, his hand around your neck grabs your free one, holding both of your hands over your head now.

“so good, baby” he mumbles, kissing your lips; mostly just breathing into each other as he rocks you through every wave of your orgasm.

Hyunjin looses himself in you not long after with a guttural moan and his eyes squeezing shut.

You coax him through it when he rests his face against your neck again, running your fingertips through his damp hair and over his broad back, muscles tensing under your gentle touch.

i“don’t fall asleep on me” you whisper sneakily, grinning when he chuckles against your neck, tickling the soft skin there.

He props himself up again to scan over your features, pushing some hair out of your face before kissing you tenderly.

“you okay?” his hand resting at your temple as he gently runs his thumb over your hairline.

“more than” you assure him, cupping his cheeks to pull his lips onto yours again.You think you can never get enough of his lips, anything about him for that matter; not when he makes you feel so cared about and safe.

“so does this mean we’re dating now?” he whispers after he has cleaned you up and tucked the both of you in bed.

“hmh” you nod your head sleepily, positioned on his bare chest.

“so I can spoon you once we fall asleep?” he asks, grin evident in his voice.

“you can spoon me but you can’t wake me up in the middle of the night if you get horny” you mumble jokingly, enjoying his fingers running down your spine as your eyelids get heavier.

“okay” he giggles softly, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head before you whisper your good nights to each other.

And as promised, he doesn’t wake you up in the middle of the night because he’s horny.

It’s you who wakes him, because after 10 months of wasted time, you have a lot of catching up to do.

a/n: oml this is my first ever long fic so pls pls pls give me feedback, i had so much fun writing his even though it made me feel even more single but hey :))))

allsooo i waited til after work to publish this and i just saw i hit 500 followers?!?!?! thats crazy to me omg i started this like 2 months ago and so many ppl liked my stuff so much that they decided to follow me?? so i just wanna say thank u thank u thank u for hitting the follow button even though im very unorganized and everything i do is spontaneaous and not thought out well. but hey i guess there is a reason that u followed me so thank u!

(i’d love if u sent me an ask with the first one of my writings that u stumbled across, and how <3 ...only if u want tho no pressure)

anyways thank u so much for reading if you’ve made it this far! i hope you have a great day/ night! much love

-aj

(this is a work of fiction and does not represent the real actions of stray kids or hwang hyunjin)

#omgaaaaa im finally done writing this oof it took forever but it was so much fun #thank u for reading my loves #and dont forget ur beautiful and loved and drink water #ily #hwang hyunjin #hwang hyunjin smut #hyunjin smut #hyunjin oneshot #straykids smut #stray kids #stray kids hyunjin #hyunjin e2l #hyunjin fluff #hyunjin college!au #big dick hyunjin #skskksks im sorry #i guess this is my 500 followers special lol #idk ahh ill add more tags later my brain be empty its late okay hahajajss

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moral-turpitudes · 4 years

Text

The Proposal:

Masterlist | Rules | Peaky Prompts

Trigger Warnings: So much Fluff that my teeth are hurting from how sweet it is.

*Based off Fluff Prompt #5 from my Peaky Prompts list.*

Word Count: 1,249

Characters: Thomas Shelby x Reader

Requested by: Anon, you can find it here.

Summary: Y/N’s ordinary day at work turns into the surprise of a lifetime.

Your eyes were covered with a blindfold as Polly led you to what felt like a field, given there was grass beneath your feet and you could feel your clothes catching on the tall wheat plants swaying in the wind as you followed her lead.

“Am I being kidnapped by your family? What have I done?” You asked with a smile, Polly laughing lightly as she led you onward.

“We wouldn’t dare kidnap you. You’re too precious.” She said, thinking about how you’d been there for Tommy during his darkest moments, seeing him off before the war and putting him back together when he came back. It was a slow process, but you made sure to be one of the only constant things in his life. The only one who could get him to let half of his walls down since they were built up like a fortress. The stones so heavy you didn’t think you’d be able to bear them yourself. But you did, and here you were being led on one of the most interesting times of your life, blindfolded of all things.

“It’s getting late Pol, I was supposed to meet Tom at the Garrison remember?” You asked, your mind racing with how the days events unfolded.

You’d gone through half the days work to find a letter written by none other than your long-time boyfriend Thomas Shelby. The infamous main man of the backstreet razor gang you’d come to love. The letter included a small picture of the two of you from your first date years ago, taken by Polly on the front steps of the old house on Watery Lane. The two of you young and full of life before the war.

“Y/N, you know he said in the letter he was trying to make up for the time spent away from you. I’m just helping him out. I wouldn’t want to disappoint my heathen of a nephew.” She said, slowing her steps as you thought about how you’d gotten to be behind a blindfold.

Polly had whisked you away per Thomas’ request that was unbeknownst to you. Telling her to take you out for an early lunch as a treat for not seeing you enough recently, giving her a few extra shillings to put towards a nice outfit for later.

You being a lover of anything remotely of shopping, perked up at the request, and so you couldn’t turn it down. Not when you had free reign of the shops with just the mention of the Shelby name.

Although, living a life of crime, or more-so watching the others that you’d grown to love, live a life of crime wasn’t always easy. Seeing as you’ve had your fair share of late nights wondering when he’d be home, dealing with constant surveillance due to threats, or deciding whether or not to sew a wound up or have a doctor give it a go.

But this was one of the perks, albeit a rare one as he wasn’t the most romantic of the Shelby men. Most times he’d send you flowers or would take you out on the town when his schedule would allow it, even if it didn’t fall quite on a day worth celebrating, but you applauded his efforts anyway as he was a busy man with a million things going on in his head.

At times, this would put strain on the both of you. You sometimes wishing to turn his brain off, like a light switch. Just so he could focus on you and your relationship for more than 5 minutes. But deep down you knew he tried his best given what he’s been through. Doing everything he had to do to make sure you were safe, even if it meant going weeks without you like recently. But now was his time to make up for it, and little did you know how great of a length he’d gone to make that happen.

Polly slowed her steps as you felt someone near you, the familiar smell of his cologne filling your nose as he undid the blindfold. Your eyes soon adjusting to the sunlight that was just starting to fade into the evening sky.

Thomas’ eyes were happier than you’d seen in weeks. And if you were honest it was a little unsettling at first, at least internally. You’d grown accustomed to his steely gaze but he’d always reserved a softer glance just for you. But this one was...different. There was more love there than before. More depth.

As you tore your eyes away from his with a smile, you quickly looked around at the set-up he had going.

There was a vardo sitting nearby, the one he’d shown you years ago where you’d make out until sunset until one of his parent would come looking for him. And there were two chairs and a makeshift table, with torches around it lighting the area. It was nothing compared to the lavish living you were accustomed to now, but it felt more like him. More at home in a way. Especially with the beautiful lake in the distance that matched the blue of his eyes. The color of them pulling you in like a riptide as he pulled your attention back to him with a light stroke of your cheek.

“Where’d you go just now?” He asked, seeing you have that look once before after he took you to London the night before a mission, seeing some of the city that you’d never had the privilege of being to until then.

“Paradise...I mean look love, it’s beautiful! How’d you put all this together? Never knew you had it in ya.” You said jokingly, wrapping your arms around his waist as he pulled you close, his lips finding yours in an instant.

“I may have stayed here and planned it out with the lads...” he said, referring to his brothers and trusted friend Johnny Dogs.

“Well I think it’s lovely. But I do have to ask...what’s all this for?” You asked, his facial expression changing slightly as he put his hand in his pocket.

“I wanted to surprise you since I’ve been away so long. Also, it got me thinking about something.” He said, watching Polly walk off in the distance, giving you two the privacy you needed.

“You’re always thinking Tommy, I need specifics.” You said with a smirk.

“I was thinking about the future. Our future.” He said, holding your left hand in his as he got down on one knee, the sunset reflecting on his eyes as he gazed up at you.

Your heart raced as he let go to open the small box, a large diamond ring sticking out of the velvet casing.

“Will you marry me, Y/N?” He asked, a cautiously hopeful look on his face as you smiled through your tears. Your hand shaking as you held it out to him.

“Yes!” You said aloud, wiping the tears from your cheeks as he slipped the ring on your finger and wrapped you in a long, protective hug.

For one day, it definitely was the most eventful of them, and you wouldn’t trade any of it for the world, even if you’d gotten offered millions to leave the family, you knew in your heart you couldn’t. It was where you belonged, and now the two of you looked forward to your adventure in marriage. Knowing the title of becoming a Shelby was sure to come with some perks.

Thomas Shelby Tag List:

@msbzowy, @nofckingfighting, @aranoburns, @sighonahurricane, @ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes, @gaytommyshelby, @wowjeena, @fifty-shadesof-tommyshelby, @inglourious-imagines, @thebloodyshelbys, @tsolomons, @blinder-secrets, @reveparade, @shelby-fanatic, @ta-ka-shi-ma, @psychkunox, @peakyxtommy, @captivatedbycillianmurphy,@dreamwastakenx,

@lovemissyhoneybee @thomashelbyswhore, @xxbeckybeexx-blog

@imapala67-aka-baby

If you’d like to be added/removed just send me an ask or message! :)

#peaky blinders #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders oneshots #peaky blinders fanfic #thomas shelby #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby x y/n #katiesanons #katiesrequests #polly gray

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noforkingclue · 4 years

Note

If you’re still taking Ghosts Thomas Thorne prompts, reader is given the house (looks after her niece/nephew), as reader and 3 best friends bring the house back to its former glory - the ghosts think that the child is reader’s baby (or babe?), they call people ‘sweetie’ or ‘hon’ a lot. Someone can see them, and they have a constant stream of TV Series arriving weekly (Game of Thrones, Cheers, How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory) etc. Is that too much? I’m

This isn’t too much at all! Thank you so much for the request :D

I’m accepting requests for every fandom on my masterlist. If there’s anything else you think I might like to watch/add please feel free to let me know! I’m always open to watching new shows/films!

Just a warning about period typical attitudes from Fanny.

Title: A New Love

Everything tag list: @greenrevolutionary

“Have you seen who has just come in?” cried Fanny as she swept into the room, “This house is falling more and more into disrepute by the hour!”

“What’s happened now?” asked Julian, “Another new carpet in place?”

“Worse,” Fanny bristled, “Alison and Mike have invited someone so stay!”

“Another person,” said Pat, “Oh how nice.”

“Nice?” Fanny turned her wrath on Pat, “Nice? She has children with her!”

“That is lovely.” Said Pat, ever the optimist

“And she isn’t even wearing a wedding ring?”

“Err,” Pat said, “I don’t see-“

“Children out of wedlock!” cried Fanny, “Alison has gone too far this time. This… person is going to have to go.”

“What is going on here?” asked Alison, “I heard raised voices and-“

“She has to go!” Fanny demanded before Alison could finish her sentence

“Err, who?”

“The person you just brought in,” Fanny said, “I will not have an unmarried woman and her ba-“

“Woah, woah, woah,” Alison said, “Are you talking about y/n?”

“I do not know her name.”

“The children are her niece and nephew,” Alison said, “And even if they were her biological children I wouldn’t be forcing her to leave. She lives here now.”

“Well, shouldn’t they be with their parents?”

“They’re going through a very messy divorce,” explained Alison, “Y/n thought the children need some stability so she’s being a neutral party and looking after the children until custody is sorted out.”

“A divorce,” Fanny got even angrier, “Well I never!”

The other ghosts watched her and she marched out of the room. Alison looked deflated as she looked around at the others.

“Well?” she asked, “Are any of you-“

“Alison there you are! Who are you talking to?”

Alison stiffened as you entered the room and all the ghosts turned to look at you. There was a soft thump as Thomas, who was lying on the sofa, rolled off of it.

“Umm,” Alison said, “I was on my mobile.”

“Right,” you said although you weren’t convinced, “Mike’s looking for you. We have some ideas about the guest bedrooms and thought you would like to hear them.”

“Sure.”

As Alison walked away with you all of the ghosts were watching you intently.

“Who was that?” asked Thomas dreamily, “The vision who just entered the room? A beauty like no-“

“Oh great,” sighed Pat, “Here he goes again.”

While it took some time to adjust to living with Alison and Mike you were happy to say that you had finally settled in. You were paying your way by helping them do renovation work as you used to own a successful business before you sold it. You wiped the sweat off your brow at you looked at the plaster work you had just completed.

You could see why Alison and Mike wanted to keep the house. It was a beautiful period property and you couldn’t help the pang of jealousy settle in the pit of your stomach. However, there were certain goings on in the house that made you question yourself.

In certain areas you always smelt burning but it was never the same place twice. When you brought this up to Alison, advising her to get the electricals seen to, she assured you that everything was fine. The lights flickered at random times, you swore you saw objects move and you were convinced that the house was haunted. You looked up sharply when you heard a familiar theme tune echo through the halls. You looked around and couldn’t see your niece or nephew and quickly paled.

“Shit, shit, shit,” you cursed quietly, “I really hope that they aren’t watching that.”

You ran towards the main living and reached it just in time. Your niece and nephew were in the room and you quickly grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. They were way too young to watch those sorts of programs.

“What have I told you hon,” you said as you took their hands, “To stay where I can see you.”

“TV.” Said you niece

“Not this show dear. It’s for adults.”

You looked up as Alison and Mike burst into the room.

“Shoot,” said Alison, “I am so sorry y/n. I thought we had turned the TV off!”

“Accidents happen,” you said as you led your niece and nephew out of the room, “Just remember what I said about the electrics. Now come on sweeties,” you said to the children, “Let’s get you a snack!”

Alison waited until you were out of ear shot before turned to glare at the ghosts.

“Ghost thing?” asked Mike

“Oh yes,” said Alison angrily, “No more Game of Thrones.”

“But we need to know what happens,” said Pat, “It’s unfair.”

“Now listen here Alison,” said Julian, “I think you’ll want to hear-“

As the room erupted in arguments Thomas separated himself from the group and walked towards the door. He sighed mournfully as he watched you play with the children. If only you could see him like Alison could then everything would be perfect.

It was peaceful night and Alison was relaxing with Mike. Just as she raised her glass of wine a scream echoed through the house. She sat up with a jolt and Mike spilled his glass over the carpet.

“Alison!” you screamed running into the room, “Mike!”

“Yes?”

“This place,” you looked around as you pulled your dressing gown around you, “Is haunted.”

“It is.” Said Alison

“What?”

Alison and Mike stood up and Alison put her arm around you. She gently pushed you down on the sofa as Mike handed you a glass of wine.

“There are ghosts.” She said

“Seriously?”

“But only she can see them.” Said Mike

“Are there any in the room with us?”

Alison looked around. Thomas and Kitty were sitting next to you and the others were surrounding the sofa.

“A few.” She said

“A few? How many are there?”

“Umm,” she said, “Anyway, sorry about keeping this from you?”

“I’m just worried about the children.”

“Oh you have nothing to fear,” said Pat even though you couldn’t hear him, “We’ll look after them.”

“Yeah,” said Alison, “They’ll be safe.”

“Alison,” Thomas hissed, “Alison.”

“Shh.” Said Alison

“I didn’t say anything.” You said

“I was talking to Thomas.”

“Who.”

“He’s sitting next to you.”

You jumped and looked to your right.

“On your left,” said Alison, “Kitty is sitting next to you.”

“Fuck.”

“Language.” Said the Captain and Fanny at the same time

“Oh Alison,” said Kitty clapping her hands, “Ask y/n if she’ll be my friend.”

“Kitty wants to know if you’ll be her friend.”

“Umm… sure?”

“Oh goodie!” cried Kitty

“Alison, what about me?” asked Thomas

“I’m not sure Thomas…” said Alison

“What? What’s he saying?” you asked

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I want to know,” you said firmly, “You can’t keep these things from me.”

Alison shared a look with Mike who shrugged.

“Your call.” He said

“Alright,” Alison took a deep breath, “Thomas thinks that you are…”

“Yes?” you said

“The most beautiful, sorry, exquisite person he had ever met.”

“Wh… what?” you said blushing

“And he is wondering if you- oh I’m not saying that!”

“Saying what?” you said

“He wants to know if you want to be able to see them.”

“How did you manage to see them?” you asked

“I fell out of a window.”

“And almost died.” Said Mike

“Umm no,” you said standing up quickly, “No, definitely not. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to check on the twins and have a lie down.”

You quickly left the room. Alison closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“Well that could’ve gone a lot better,” she said, “And Thomas don’t you dare follow her!”

“Separated by time and death,” said Thomas ignoring Alison, “Unchangeable barriers to our love!”

“Oh dear,” said Alison, “I should probably warn y/n.”

“No idea what was said,” said Mike, “But that’s probably a good idea. With what you told me she’s going to need all the luck she can get.”

#fanfiction #bbc ghosts #reader insert #request #thomas thorne #thomas thorne x reader

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life-rewritten · 4 years

Text

TRUE BEAUTY; TRUE TRAUMAS AND UNSETTLING REGRESSIONS

The anger, the anguish, and upset I feel from the last moments of episode 10 are unspeakable. I can not believe how flawed and disgusting some of the parents are in this show. And I'm not particularly eager to write when I'm emotional and entirely overtaken by anger and sadness, but I also wanted to address immediately because this essay isn't about the love triangle. I couldn't give a hoot about the love triangle; I don't care what side people are on, because I think it's ridiculous that, that's what people came out of this week's episodes and focusing on. Like really, we're still doing this Suho vs Seojun nonsense, like make it make sense? Like no one is perfect, no one is a monster, all of them are just characters and yes Suho is problematic, Seojun also is, Jukyung this week was even more so, everybody likes to focus on their bias and forget that it's not that deep, it's okay to call out Suho on his mistakes but to sit there and fangirl about Seojun as the best hero boyfriend or whatever, when this episode had so much more depth to it, that's ridiculous. Anyway everyone is free to have their own opinions, but I can't believe that this tag is still full of Suho hate, absolutely absurd. Back to the actual focus of this essay, what can I say True Beauty has always been about PTSD, trauma and the pain and suffering of our main characters, how that has shaped them, changed their mindsets on themselves, hindered them from growth, love and happiness. In Episode 9 and 10 all our characters with masks apart from Seojun who just kept growing regressed and fell apart because of past reminders of their traumas. Let me explain more as we get into it.

First of all, one of the most critical vital themes of this episode is about Secrets, especially how secrets can cause disconcert, miscommunication and chaos. All of the characters hold some kind of secret from their respective partners, family, friends, etc., and in hiding these secrets, they lose their positive attributes because of how stressed they are by the secrets, how ashamed they feel from the secrets and how afraid they are about what the reveal of the secrets would cause. Most importantly, we see Suho, Soojin and Ju Kyung spiral into regression because of the consequences of their masks and secrets.

Ju Kyung: A flashback to the past

Truthfully I was very peeved of by Ju Kyung these two episodes, but I mean it's evident that this was going to happen as mentioned before, Ju Kyung has severe PTSD from her past with bullying and suffering because the world made her feel inadequate and worthless because of what she lacks. Although Kyung ends up with someone who completely sees her for who she is, is supportive and by her side completely, Kyung can't help but question this blessing as a curse. This is what self hate, and self-deprecation does, immediately she receives something good for her, Kyung starts to withdraw in fear because some part of her can't believe she deserves to be happy and satisfied with Suho. Now, as I said, I was annoyed, but also I saw her reasons loud and clear and I understood them because I related to them as well. Let's first look at the situation that occurs to cause her to spiral.

Her secret is that she's dating Suho. Pause. Now at first she's hesistant because of the fear of bullying and being noticed and being pushed into the spotlight because of his reputation. However, because of him being him, taking care of her, making her feel brave and loving herself (he does so much to show her she's okay being her self), she decides she doesn't care if the secret is out. Unfortunately for Kyung, another secret is revealed; Soojin her new best friend someone, who she's so close to has feelings for Suho. In fact, she also has really fascinating and important reasons for why she believes Suho should be hers. Now, this is what truly causes Kyung's trauma to appear again, and she becomes a mess of emotions because she has spiralled back into self-hate and self-deprecation. Let me explain.

Losses and Fears

In order to understand why Kyung's trauma is actually more profound than it seems because it does feel quite dramatic and unimportant with the reveal of other people's secrets and situations, her crying about Suho not understanding her and why she's struggling seems really overdramatic and not needed. But let me take you back to episode 1, Kyung has been in this situation before, and this situation led her to want to take her life. Let's review

In episode 1, Kyung was confident and happy in her self; she had a crush on a guy who made her smile, comfortable, and one of the people who paid attention to her and cared for her. Now this guy she had feelings for, as she confessed; she discovered he had feelings for another person, someone more prettier, popular and matched for him as people put it. This led to her confession with this guy bringing out the worst side of him; it led to her also losing her best friend who she relied on because she went to the popular girl out of fear, it led to her being taunted and broken by people making her feel like how dare she even think she could confess. You have to realise what they're saying to her, one she's not worth having a guy pay attention to her because of her looks, two she shouldn't try even to get someone's attention because the right person will find that person and they'll realise their mistake in associating with her, three, friendship and people are fickle, and she'll always be alone if she tries to do what she wants.

So back to our situation, Kyung has finally found a safe space. The beginning of episode 9 she reveals one of her secrets (part of her growth) to Soojin who completely protects and stays by her side. Soojin becomes the best friend she could ever have, she relies on her and is happy because of her. So she's regained a new best friend, but also she's found, love. A guy has thoroughly chosen to be with her despite her looks and whatnot (she thinks), this guy is a complete package, he's a prince, he's too good to be true, he protects, he's warm, and he makes her feel safe. (Just like the other guy did), lastly, she's also now found a place with her peers, she's no longer looked down on, and everyone likes her. There's a lot in her mind at stake if she chooses to reveal to Soojin the truth. It just makes her vulnerable, and it makes her more likely to lose everything, she finally regained by wearing her mask. It makes her return to that mindset in episode 1, where she felt she was worthless, and useless, a burden, and she should take her life. So her trauma is ingrained in her and causes her to spiral into self-doubt, fear, and hate just because she's gone through this before.

Lies and Masks

Now the past situation made her feel one thing; people are fickle. No matter how much Suho is here for her and says he wants her, his love is fickle. It can change, he just needs to find the right person, the smarter person, the prettier person, the more affluent person who matches him. Soojin is that. But even more from what Soojin is saying to her, Suho is just exactly like how he is with Kyung. He's protective, he's apparently warm, and he goes out of his way to make Soojin feel safe when he doesn't do that for anyone. In her head, he just hasn't realised he wants her the same way he wants Kyung cause she makes him care. And we all know what happened when someone else found another opportunity where the girl of his dreams wanted him, the cruel words he said, the way he pushed her away, Kyung feels like Suho has every right to do the same because she feels like she's not in his league. Because people; her mum, her bullies, her ex-friends, even strangers have made her feel like she's not meant to be perfect for him because she's dumb, ugly and has nothing to offer apart from makeup. And that's just painful and heartbreaking. What is she to do in this situation, losing Soojin is already painful because that's someone who she also holds in high regards in her life, someone who she depends on as a friend.

But it's not just that. As I said, she believes people's love and care for her is fickle. Actually, Soojin is proving her right without her knowing, Soojin isn't being a good friend. She's going behind the scenes to manipulate Kyung, making her feel listless knowing she's dating Suho. But the issue is Soojin also knows her without her mask, her deepest fears, her deepest secret, she has a weapon if Kyung tells her she's dating Suho. If Soojin switches, Kyung reverts back to her episode 1 self where the whole school sides with the popular girl, and she reveals the truth about how she looks without makeup. She loses not just her best friend but also her new safe space and she regresses back into the girl on the rooftop broken and exhausted of being alive.

Real vs Fake

And that's the painful thing because the reason why Kyung believes people are on her side is because of her mask of makeup and beauty, Suho thinks he likes her because she is pretty with her makeup at least, Soojin became her friend because she felt she was different and prettier, and people in the school rate her high because she's pretty. It's all about how much her mask has helped her be reborn as she said to Selena. But because she knows her mask isn't real, these people's feelings, and loyalty, friendship also isn't real, she has to keep up this facade to keep it accurate, and to stay in this lie she's created as long as she's safe, happy and able to walk around freely being her self. Something people refused her to do before because she had no right to be satisfied being ugly and dumb. So you see it's actually genuinely traumatic and painful what she's dealing with.

However, the painful thing about the fickleness of feelings is that Kyung has Suho and Suho has been in love with her and has been consistent with his care for her from the time he knew her without her mask. Since they were kids. Suho spent the whole episodes being grateful that he had her as his girlfriend, wanting to show her to the world, wanting to be with her, and Kyung's need to keep secrets was pushing his feelings, and his fears and his worries aside because she was more focused on prevention and protection. Now Suho doesn't care for other people or see other people the way he sees Kyung, for him Soojin is barging into his life without needing to be there, he told her this, but he doesn't see it as a big issue to tell Kyung she's there because she's not important. But Seojun is important, Seojun has already told him how he feels for Kyung, and Kyung seems pretty reliant and close to Seojun who keeps crossing the line sometimes (like coming to her house and staying when her boyfriend is there, competing and what not) this is what causes him to get agitated and tell her the way he knows how.

He's had no parental care, no training, no nurturing to know what's wrong and right, he's been forced to deal with his issues on his own, and he isolated himself from people, we can see he struggles with relationships, and he's trying to navigate it. So it's not okay for him to act possessive and controlling over who she should be with, but it also makes sense with his character when he doesn't know how to show emotions appropriately, and he's jealous and worried because she's being happy and close with Seojun in one corner and avoiding his calls and him in the other. It doesn't make sense. This is what I was peeved off at her for. Both Kyung and Suho are in the wrong in this situation, not just Suho.

Speaking of Suho, let's talk about this episode, his secrets as Leo and the reveal of how Seoyeon got set up.

Suho; A memory of regrets

Now the frustrating thing about this situation is; I can't fathom humans that do this, I can't understand how cold and heartless someone can be that he drives someone to take their life, and he still acts nonchalant and cold about that person because he doesn't care about rookies. Suho's father is incredibly disgusting as a human, and I completely can't stand him. The reveal that Seoyeon's demise was because he wanted to cover up a dating scandal, his son's best friend, who his son is literally suffering PTSD because he believed he was the reason his friend jumped. It's so disgusting when you think about it. This episode does an excellent job in showing us how much Suho has struggled with emotions and life because of his father's reputation, personality, and upbringing. And that's why I don't understand how people can come into this episode and come out with hate for Suho. Make it make sense.

The first thing episode 9 shows about Suho, which was actually foreshadowing the final conflict in episode 10 is his lack of a fatherly figure despite the fact he had a father. We see him interact with his father when he goes to have dinner with Soojin's own disgusting family, and we realise this is all his father does for him. He makes little quips about why he and Suho can't spend time together, and we all know Suho holds resentment at his father for cheating and sleeping with women, but also the trauma he had from dealing with paparazzi because of his father's fame, and the fact his father was barely in his life to show him emotional support and care. This is even worse when you realise again why Seoyeon got set up because his father wanted to protect his reputation, to sleep with someone, and because he didn't care about people's emotions and wellbeing.

Warmth and Comfort

Now the only thing that helped him deal with his father at first was Seoyeon and Seojun; it's making me cry again. The thing that got him through his tough upbringing was his friends, they brought purpose through music (another secret he's Leo), they brought happiness and care through friendship, and they brought comfort through their presence. They were loyal, close, and ready to help each other no matter what. His father took that away from him. Not just took that away from him but broke his mindset about how he views himself, damaged his relationship and trust with people, and pulled him into a spiral of self hate and self deprecation and regrets because he set Seoyeon up. How messed up can someone be? It's even worse because he knows he's the reason why Suho lost his friend, and he still had the guts, the confidence, the heart to plagiarise the person he ruined's song. Even not knowing that his son is the one he's plagiarising from. His father took it all from him. He made Suho think he's a burden, his reputation is a curse, and he's doomed to be alone to protect people away from him. It's funny because this is how Kyung also feels in her own regression. Both Suho and Kyung believe that they shouldn't be worth interacting with people because they're burdens and problematic for just being born. For Suho it's being born into his family, for Kyung it's being born with her looks and brains. It's incredibly heartbreaking and frustrating.

That's why it's even more painful because episode 9, Suho gets to stay in a lie for a while with Kyung's father staying with him, showing him the warmth, care and support he didn't have with his father. That's why we got that scene; it was to make you compare how different Suho's father is to him, compared to a flawed father like Kyung who's a headache but is also a good source of comfort and love. Suho finally got to feel that care that he was lacking. But still, Suho's father's coldness and heartlessness also shadow to let us know why Suho is the way he is when he has a go at Kyung and tells her to stop hanging out with Seojun; when he is posessive and protective over her without listening to what she's saying. He hasn't had a significant role model/ influence to look up to. He also became like his father on the surface and withdrawn from emotions because he doesn't receive that. It's honestly upsetting. I am so angry at Suho's father.

Regrets and Resent

But let's talk about the regression. Suho finding out his father is the one who caused Seoyeon's demise. First of all, just think about how much Suho has suffered the past ten episodes because of this issue, he's had PTSD, actual PTSD, panic attacks, depression, anxiety, isolation, just because of this issue, because Seojun told him repeatedly he was the reason for why Seoyeon jumped. Because his reputation could not save Seoyeon, because he didn't answer the phone because of his callousness and also because he fought with the very reason for why this happened; his father.

Seojun made Suho feel like he was a monster, and he was never going to be any different because his father was his father. And the thing is, this has been going for a long time, Seojun kept showing up in Suho's life ensuring he never got to be happy (at the beginning not now), he never got to feel worthy of peace, love, friendship because of what he did to Seoyeon. In a way, if you actually think about Seojun's role in Suho's life for a while, he's been like the bullys who ensured Kyung didn't feel happy being her self the way she was because of how she looked. Now he's not as bad because he's not doing it purposely with that intention of psychological harm and breakdown, because he also doesn't think Suho feels any guilt or issue with Seoyeon's demise. But it's pretty messed up that the person everyone is hailing to be this perfect specimen was literally playing the same roles as the bullies you claim to hate in Suho's life.

Like I keep repeating all these characters are flawed, have made mistakes because they're human, but the hate and the bias towards some of them is insane and makes no sense to me.

But now Suho has entirely as Kyung went back to a flash to the past, he's spiralled again into self hate, self deprecation and trauma because he found out the truth. If he's already been struggling with not answering the phone to help Seoyeon; imagine how much of a monster he'll feel because it's his dad who set Seoyeon up to fail. Imagine the pain and suffering, the self-hate, the same things Seojun kept telling him will keep repeating in his head, his reputation hurts people, his dad hurts people, and his lifestyle hurts people. He shouldn't be loved, have friends, or have people around him because he doesn't deserve that when they can end up like Seoyeon. All of his bottled down secret; self-hate is now released because the reason is connected to him from the start, it was his father. So Kyung and Suho found themselves with their masks unveiled, broken and scared and terrified about the consequences of choosing to be happy and free. Now, both of them hold this burden and weight making them feel like they don't deserve to want to be happy, in love and confident in what they deserve because of what society has done to them. And that's insane.

Soojin- A journey of a villain

Before I stop, we also need to speak about Soojin and her regression. Her regression is very fascinating and upsetting. I have been on edge about her character, and it was excruciating to see her become manipulative, sly and a full second lead this episode. But what can I say. It was going to happen. Soojin's secrets revealed this episode to Kyung is about the abuse she suffers, we also see a snippet again of her fathers sexist, heartless mindset about controlling her to ensure she makes the grades. We also see her regress back to hand washing and self-harm because of the news that Suho is dating Kyung. Now, her mindset in the last episodes have been noticing the warmth, and comfort Suho brings into her life. There's no one else who sees her, knows her, and can protect her without her mask. Suho has known her for ten years. They've been each other's support system to deal with their family, now for Suho, he cut the importance of her presence in his life because he pushed everyone away after, but for her, Suho has been a consistent person to rely on.

A safe space

Kyung showing up and making Suho open and caring made her feel fear and anxiety that the only source of happiness and warmth was being taken away from her. Suho is the only thing that makes her breath, everything else is a mask that makes her feel suffocated, even her friendships; she's not been her real self with them, she's been a perfectionist. Even her revealing her truth to Kyung this episode wasn't for friendship but for emotional manipulation, and it wasn't right. Like Kyung, Soojin regresses because she's afraid to go back to who she has to be without Suho's presence, which is protection, warmth and care compared to her actual home, cold, harsh and volatile. She had to latch onto something to stay sane and to stop breaking down. Suho, unfortunately, is what she latched onto. And it is a regression on her part because Kyung is her best friend, she's emotionally manipulating and hurting her best friend to make her self feel good and get what she wants.

Still, she's not even getting what she wants because Suho isn't going to pay attention to her apart from protecting her from her father as someone should do. Soojin has been a girls girl, supportive, protective, and kind to everyone she meets but now she's regressed to being petty, conniving and mean to her own friends because she can't lose her own safe space. Kyung regressed not to lose her safe space and for Soojin her safe space became Suho. Her regression is really unsettling because how far would she go to keep her safe space, and how far will she sacrifice Kyung's wellbeing and emotions for her own gain. She's dangerous because she knows Kyung's secret, she can unload the truth about Kyung pettily and get some kind of one up on her, which is sad because she's slowly regressing into those bullies that made Kyung's life hell.

Volatile Mindsets

In fact, she shadows like I said the popular girl in episode 1, she wants to get her way, and she feels slighted by Kyung taking it away from her. Also her self esteem, her ego is being bruised because she's meant to be the one for Suho as society keeps telling her, she's the prettiest, the smartest, his equal, why would he choose Kyung who is so far not that close to her level in any way. These are the kind of thoughts that happens when trauma makes you regress. Whilst Suho and Kyung are regressing into self-hate, and self deprecation Soojins regression is the opposite direction, it's regressing into self privilege and self-obsession, it's unfortunate.

There's so much more about this episode that we can discuss like I said everyone has a secret, but when it comes to these three, their secrets and unfortunate reveals causes them to spiral into a whirl of self-hate and pain, trauma and suffering. This has been building up for a while because their mindsets have been shaped and made this way because of all the hurts and attacks by society to them, not just society that affects them this way; with these three family affects them this way, Kyung's mum, Suho's dad, and Soojin's dad their nonchalant, and cold attitudes towards their children cause them to feel unstable and worthless, and also friends also causes them to spiral this way, For Kyung, Soojin has brought back a lot of fear and anxiety about where her life is going, and Seojun's past problematic actions have returned along with Suho's guilt to make him also spiral into self-hate and regret. Kyung, Soojin's best friend, has caused her to lose her safe space. These characters have been pushed into this by people they thought they could rely on, and that's what painful.

Anyway, if anyone wants to know my opinions on this love triangle, I appreciate Seojun he's a great second lead. Still, he's not the one for Kyung or the right person as people keep trying to say, he and Suho are still equal on terms with who she should be with. The person she cares about is Suho; the person she loves/wants is Suho. She's not thought of Seojun in that way so respect it. There is so much more going on in this show than this love triangle, so much more to discuss and fight for, each character is human and makes their mistakes, but they're all so understandable and relatable, and the pain they suffer is just insane, the psychological trauma they all hold is too much to bare, and I really hope they find their way out of this. Because right now, Suho is not going to be okay, and Kyung is in danger of her past finding her. I'm scared for them so much. This stuff may seem overdramatic and chaotic but with trauma and pain, and self-hate and psychological distress, it's not easy to overcome emotional abuse, trauma and mindsets that make you feel you're not meant to be alive, and all these characters are going through that. And it's so painful. Let's hope we find a way out of this: love triangle or no love triangle.

#true beauty #true beauty kdrama #kdrama #lee suho #im jukyung #han seojun #cha eunwoo #moon ga young #cwg #january

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