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blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk · 2 years

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I LOVED your reaper responses to a reader from the future. Could you do the same with the circus group and the Phantomhive/Trancy estate? 😍 Or just the Noah's ark group if the others are too much. Thank you in advance! 😍😍😊

of course!!!

I did something similar with the circus group over in this post, so here I did the Trancy and Phantomhive estates!

anyway MY HEART

Oooooh… wait, no, you’re not just having a go at him, are you?? He’s not some stupid little kid who believes all the fairytales, you know! That said… if you have some kind of proof… he’s thoroughly intrigued by all this. You really are from some point in the future, so, well, why did you end up here? Is he so interesting that you came to see him or what? Hm. He’s glad to let you stay at his manor while you sort things out ― if you’re able to sort it out, that is. If not, he supposes you’ll just… have to stay here with him forever! Much as he knows you probably want to get back to where you belong, he’s also very selfish in that he’ll miss you horribly if you end up leaving. He’s sick of people leaving him all alone. And, you’re better company than most of his servants, at any rate. If you do end up leaving, he takes solace in whatever small keepsake you leave him, and violently hopes you might come back to see him sometime.

Ehh… funny, isn’t that? You’re not just trying to prank the entire Phantomhive Estate, are you? To be completely honest, he doesn’t really know what to say or think. Although he guesses that anything is possible, it just seems impossible to him. That’s the kind of thing you read in stories, people coming back from the future. He also doesn’t understand why you’d come here; if it was an accident, he feels a little more sympathy. Long as you aren’t trying to hurt anyone inside the manor, you’ll be alright by him. He might even let you sneak some sweets or something from the pantry. He’ll mourn the loss when/if you finally leave, but… he’ll make sure to get a big hug before you go back to your own life.

Is he supposed to just take your word for that? He’s required proof for less outrageous claims, so you proving to him that you’re telling the truth is a must. That said… once you’ve done so, he realizes you could be useful. If you pull your weight around the household and do your best, he’ll let you stay. He does get to also pick your brain about the future, for whatever information he thinks will come in handy; refusal to talk will probably lead to him freezing you out a bit. Though, he does manage to get at least a bit close to you either way, to the point that if you leave it almost feels like something else being taken from him. Well. That’s the way life goes, unfortunately. Unable to fully help his sentimentality, if you leave, he does send you back with a little Funtom toy… shaped like your favorite animal, and with a card accompanying it: Sincerest regards from Phantomhive. ― Ciel.

Ah, yes, just what the Trancy household needs… more chaos in the form of a time traveler. Because five demons in service to a young man with a host of emotional issues isn’t quite enough of a three-ring circus. Truth be told, he actually doesn’t care much about you provided that you don’t go out of your way to antagonize him. Even then, it’s hard for him to kick up too much of a fuss, because he’s used to Alois trying to rile him up anyway. Claude is rather indifferent to you most days; he’ll serve you well enough on Alois’ orders, of course. If you don’t make a nuisance of yourself, he’ll likely find your company bearable, and he’s rather able to almost enjoy your presence. He may not show any emotions he has regarding your potential departure… only because demons like him don’t readily show vulnerability. If you end up leaving, he’s left to pick up the pieces of Alois’ anger and grief, but… that’s not to say Claude has none of his own. You really weren’t so bad, were you?

Gosh, that’s just… amazing!! He has so many questions for you! And, well, it seems all of his questions sort of come spilling out at once, so you might need to gently remind him to slow down a bit. Because of everything he’s been through himself, ending up with a power that shouldn’t exist, he doesn’t think anything is impossible. He believes you straightaway, and he’s just as bright and friendly as ever while interacting with you. He does have lots of things to ask, curiosities and whatnot, so he often invites you to come sit with him in the garden while he works. He adores your company, so he’s cheery the whole time you’re here and is quite a good friend. Unfortunately, this does mean he’ll cry buckets when/if it’s time for you to leave. He’s going to miss you!!

Well, that’s… something she hasn’t seen before, though she’s heard tales from other demons about people from the future. Someone like her can’t really claim anything to be impossible, because her very existence is out of a dark fable. She probably does her best to attend to you even before Alois orders her to, simply because she’s sure you must be lonely, having been suddenly thrown into a place you don’t belong. It’s all she can do to try and keep you happy, wanting you to feel safe in the manor as well as around her. She’s thankfully rather amiable toward you, and is willing to talk to you if you want her company. You’re kind and smart, she thinks, so your presence is wonderful for the Trancy Estate. There will probably be tears when you leave, coupled with a long embrace… the entire household will feel your absence, as will her own black heart. … Come back and visit if you can, won’t you?

Well, don’t that just beat all, it sure does! She’s never heard of such a wild story before! Though, she does suppose that given the Phantomhive servants and their master as a whole… not much is truly that far-fetched. She could certainly believe someone from the future either coming back to do research on the master, or going through an accident which landed them here. So, for as long as you’re here, far as she’s concerned, you’re welcome. If you want to tag along as she works, (maybe even help her? You don’t have to, though!!), she’d be very grateful for the company. The days always go faster when one isn’t all by themself, after all. Despite her strong will, if you do end up needing to return to your time… she’ll cry whilst giving you a final hug. She’s going to miss having you around so much; you’ve been such a joy to have round the Estate, it just won’t be the same without you!

Aah… isn’t this a curious situation? A lost little lamb, wandering into the veritable death trap that is Victorian London. Moreover, right smack dab in the middle of households like Phantomhive and Trancy is possibly the worst sector of the Victorian era you could have stumbled into. He finds it quite amusing, in the sense that this is a scenario he’s never encountered before. You’re offering him something rather unique; for that, he will easily obey whatever you wish him to, within reason. He’s tasked with looking after you just like with the rest of the estate, so that’s precisely what he does. With each minute that passes, he watches the scene play out, intrigued by the way you interact with your environment and the people around you. If only you could stay a bit longer… you’re such lovely company, after all. But he understands the concept of returning to where one truly belongs. He will, however, wish you a surprisingly heartfelt farewell if you must go back. He might even be sincere.

Hm, how strange. They’ve never heard of such a thing. Are you perhaps here for a reason? Are you interested in their master, or their coworkers, or them, or someone else? Was it an accident that brought you here? At first the three of them are indifferent to you simply because they think you aren’t interested in them. They serve you well enough because Alois and Hannah told them to, and it’s only after you really start talking to them that they realize… you’re actually a pleasant person. You’re actually sort of nice to have round the house, whether because you help to mellow Alois out or whether you look after all the estate’s residents or whether you’re just a source of stimulation. These three don’t fight over you per say… they rather prefer taking turns. Sometimes you help Thompson in the garden, sometimes you spend time with Timber in the kitchen, and sometimes you accompany Canterbury with everything else that needs done. They’re all happy to have you at their sides, which also means they get sullen if it comes time for you to head back to your own time. Although they may not show it readily, they do seek comfort in each other once you’re gone, because you added something… special to the whole manor.

#twilightlover2007 #Black Butler #Kuroshitsuji #Alois #Bard #Ciel #Claude #Finny #Hannah #Mey Rin #Sebastian #The Triplets #reaction #romantic #platonic #drama #I tagged it both romantic and platonic bc it could honestly be either lol #aNYWAY YOU DON'T SEE ME CRYIN-#one hell of a queue

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confused-stars · 2 years

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Nagito Komaeda, huh? Yeah… he’s quite the character, isn’t he?

i'm being completely normal about him

jokes aside though, he's one of the most unique characters i've ever come across. it's so easy to miss all his complexities (especially if you don't do his free time events), and it's so easy to hate him because the first trial feels like such a betrayal if you're already attached.

plus the way he acts after he finds out the truth is just so rude, but it makes so much sense, he's lost all his hope and finds himself in a position where he thinks he's the only one who can fix anything anymore. i love how hard the ending twist hits when you realize that oh, he wasn't being malicious at all. he was legit trying to be a hero. it's so tragic.

like, sure, he's a person who'd be incredibly exhausting to be around irl, especially with all the self-deprecating bullshit, but that makes sense for his character, too! he says he's "a worthless human being who can't do anything right" and that's. he literally can't do anything. because he's a puppet for his luck. he walks into a room and chaos follows. he can somewhat predict it and try to use it for what he wants to happen, but that doesn't always work.

and when he was a kid, he definitely wasn't able to steer it like that. so all those terrible things happened to him and people around him, and he internalized that. he grew up in the role of a bystander to the despair that his talent caused. of course he feels alienated from the other ultimates, who can actively use their talents to change the world. the most Nagito can do is create an intricate plan and hope that his luck helps him out.

and when you're living with that, cheerful apathy as a coping mechanism suddenly makes sense. and since it's a cycle, he has to believe that all despair will be worth it for the luck that comes after. if he doesn't believe that, then what's the point? one good thing that happens doesn't cancel out the bad thing that happened before, but he can't let himself face that fact, because it's the only way he can make any sense of his miserable life at all.

so whenever something terrible happens, his reaction is to get excited because he's messed up enough that he's unable to feel the appropriate grief or hurt - he just automatically focuses on "this is great! something really good is going to happen to even it out!" and that's the whole hope aspect of him. his hope is unshakeable. (i've barely started Ultra Despair Girls, but i'm pretty sure even as Servant, he's still thinking about how creating the greatest possible despair will lead to the greatest possible hope)

and then there's the fact that he's queer-coded af (apparently the developers said they wanted him to challenge Hajime in regards to his sexuality, but they dropped it because it didn't fit into the plot and his characterization). this boy has a crush and doesn't know how to deal with it (and him being written opposite of Hajime who is always fed up and takes no shit is such a god writing choice)

so there's all of that, and then you learn that this guy was also told he had a year left to live at most, and his brain is deteriorating at the same time, so you could easily attribute some of his mannerisms to that (he reads as autistic very easily, but the lack of social awareness, the bluntness, the mood swings and so on could very much be because his brain is slowly losing its functions)

he's probably in pain. and his whole "i'll help someone kill me if it furthers hope" is heartbreaking because really, if he's going to die anyway, he just wants his death to mean something.

that said, he's also so damn annoying. you can know all of this and love him deeply and still, when he opens his mouth, you immediately get the thought "god shut the fuck up for two seconds". he's such an experience.

#whoops here's the essay #well not really but i could use this as the bare bones of one and write the whole thing #how is the writing for these games simultaneously amazing and terrible?#anyway i preordered a figurine of the boy :)

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ashintheairlikesnow · 3 years

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For Kauri and Chris: it doesn't work as well as you hoped, does it?

(follows Time Apart)

CW: Former pet whumpee, past noncon references, fucky headspace around consent and SERIOUSLY misconstrued response to assault, some hardcore angst going on here, internalized victim-blaming

Chris feels fingers move through his hair, gently sweeping the shaggy copper to one side, and opens his eyes to see Kauri leaning over him. His wide blue eyes are warm, understanding.

"I saw Laken leave," Kauri says, gentle, and sits next to where Chris has curled up on his side on his bed. His fingers continue to run through Chris's hair, tingling over his scalp, a soft and subtle reassurance, words he doesn't have to hear. You are good, you are a good boy. "You want to tell me what happened?"

Chris closes his eyes again, turning his face to his sheets, to the faint scent of laundry detergent and the soft rustle of them against his skin. He tries not to see Laken's face, reddened and wet with tears, as they walked away. "We, we broke up."

Kauri's fingers pause - and then start up again, the moment so barely-there that even Chris almost misses it. "You broke up? Did they break up with you, or you with them?"

"Um. I, I, I thought they broke up with, um, with with me but then when they came over, they hadn't? But we just-... I, I broke... I broke up with them." His voice trembles, throat threatening to close up around the words, and he exhales, rocking himself forward and back where he lays, rubbing his hands reflexively over the seams of his pants, seeking out the soothing feeling of the texture there. "I told them I, I, I can't be with them anymore. I made them go."

This can't be the end, Chris. Not like this. Laken looked like he'd slapped them, their face pale and red both at once, eyes wide, dark pools demanding he take it back. This can't be the end of the line for us.

Then, then, then what is? Just, just go. I don't-... I don't, don't, don't want this any longer, for you. You shouldn't-... I, I, I'm... just go home, Laken. You shouldn't, shouldn't have, have wanted a whore anyway.

Chris. You know you're not-

I know I am! I, I, I almost had-... I almost-... I almost cheated on you last night!

Laken had swallowed, lips barely moving. You what?

I let, I, I, I let someone touch me, and it felt good, you know? It felt good. I, I, I got-... I, I got turned on by it. Like a fucking- He'd heard Handler Petrus in his mind, felt him against his back, the weight and heat of him, whispering into his ear while he sobbed. I'm still just a fucking slut. I'm, I'm, I'm still what I was, and it won't ever stop and-... just fucking go, Laken! Just get out and, and, and and and and-... and, and-

Chris, please-

Just fucking go home!

Chris-... baby, god damn it, I don't care if you-

But I do! Get the fuck away from me!

They'd left. Chris had listened to their footsteps running down the stairs and out the door, heard their car pull out of the driveway, and he'd cried into his pillow until it was damp, until he couldn't hear their car any longer. His phone buzzed twice, a text from Ben and another one from Akio, but he didn't answer.

He didn't answer when they called after that.

He didn't answer Jake calling to him from downstairs, he didn't answer Antoni in the doorway, he didn't answer any of them at all. He just stayed right here, on his bed, and knocked his head into a pillow he held against the wall until he calmed down enough to stop.

And then he cried more.

His head pounds, a dull throb, and he feels dried out from all the tears. Like he'd been crusted with salt, like his professor who told the story about Lot's wife and Orpheus and Eurydice. Don't look back or you'll turn to salt, you'll go back down into the empty places alone.

He can't not look back.

He groans, smacking himself on the thighs reflexively, repeatedly, as if he can stop his thoughts that way.

Kauri doesn't try to stop him, only pulls his hand back to give Chris the space to move. "Did you want to break up with them?" He asks, simply. His voice is calm.

"No. Yes. I, I don't know." The seams of his pants aren't enough, and Chris breathes against the sense of a chaos inside of himself, a swirling mix of self-hatred and grief. His hands move up to tap on his stomach. Finger-twist-tap-tap-tap. It doesn't help as much as he needs it to. "I didn't... want them to, to, to have to be with me."

"I think Laken is capable of making that choice for themself." Kauri sits slowly back against the headboard, breathing out, his eyes moving over the messy contents of the bedroom. The pictures Chris has taped haphazardly up on the walls, the shelf with his stim toys on it, his computer on the desk half-buried in a pile of clean clothes he hasn't folded. "If they want to be with you, that's their decision. Do you want to be with them?"

Chris wants to say yes, but the word sticks in his throat. His heart pounds inside him, all out of rhythm. He just nods against his sheets, and feels Kauri brush fingers through his hair again. "But, but, but, but I'm, I'm not worth it, I'm t-too hard, I'm still a, a, a pet too much."

There's a silence. Then, "Is that what you really think?"

He'd love to be able to say no. He'd love to be able to say he's being dramatic. But instead, in a small, soft voice, Chris whispers, "I just. I just. I, I, I don't know a-any-anymore. I... Yes."

Kauri is quiet, and then his hands are on Chris's face, wiping away with his thumb a tear Chris hadn't even realized had escaped. Chris had flinched from the same gesture when Laken did it, but he holds for Kauri.

"Oh, honey. I used to think that, too." Kauri sighs, and Chris opens his eyes, looking up at him, seeing a faraway expression.

He shifts, moving to rest his head on Kauri's thigh, a silent request for the petting through his hair to begin again.

Kauri smiles, a little faintly, a little sad. His fingers move over Chris's scalp, settle over the top of his scar, start again. "I did that for years, Chris. I told myself I was a pet, just another Romantic, that I deserved everything I did to myself and I didn't deserve anything better. I woke up in alleyways and on park benches and sometimes in the beds of guys I couldn't remember meeting. I got... I got hurt by some of them, and I told myself it was what I wanted. I got drugged a few times, I drugged myself a bunch more. I tried to make myself not want to be cared about anymore."

Chris thinks about the taste of gin and olives down his throat, throwing back dirty martinis until he threw them back up again, until he couldn't stop hearing Sir's voice inside his head, feeling his lips against the back of his neck. Hands on his hips, phantom ghost touch, moving him into position.

"It... didn't work as well as I'd hoped. Every time I told myself I didn't deserve love, even when I believed it... that didn't mean I didn't still want it. Need it, even. But I wanted, so badly-..." Kauri's voice catches, and his eyes close, briefly, as he steadies himself. "I wanted to make sure everyone around me hated me as much as I hated myself. But God, Chris, it hurts so much to live that way. Don't... don't be like me. It took me years to realize I didn't deserve that pain, that I didn't deserve to be punished for leaving Owen."

Chris is silent, now. Kauri's voice is always almost hypnotizing, deep and a little melodic, and it settles some of the buzzing awful noise inside of him.

"I had to learn-... to accept... that what happened to me makes up a lot of who I am, because it was the thing that made me, but it isn't all of who I am. And if I keep repeating the patterns I came up with to protect myself... I'm not really protecting myself at all." Kauri smiles, a little. "I'm only laying siege to myself, and I'm the only one who starves inside the walls. I-... I built those walls, and Jake kept trying to knock them down, and I kept building them higher. And Nat would throw food over the wall, and I'd throw it back. And... I think I got a little off track. My point is that... is that I shattered myself, over and over again, because shattered is what I was taught to be. But eventually I had to admit that breaking myself into pieces was just cutting me up, not anyone else. Do you understand?"

Chris swallows, his throat opening a little bit, and he hums. Kauri's leg is warm against his ear and his cheek, his hand is warm over his hair. Chris grips onto the silicone feather he wears always on a cord around his neck and runs it over his lips, feeling the carved vanes move against thin, sensitive skin. "Kind of."

"You try to see the light in everything," Kauri says, and the love in his voice makes Chris smile despite all his pain. "That's always been what made you stronger than me, Chris. You saw the world as full of good things you were here to discover. You never hated yourself like I did. I don't want you to start now."

"How... how did you, um, did you learn to to to stop?"

Another long exhale. Outside, two birds are singing in the trees. "Time, mostly," Kauri says, finally. "And... that guy I went home with once, when I came back all... fucked up. Remember that?"

"Y, yeah."

"I realized... I realized, when Jake was helping me up the stairs, that every time I tried to push him away, he was still there. And every time I hurt him, or Nat, or Antoni, they were still there. And that you were-... you were so new, Chris, and I was teaching you this really awful idea that you can't get better, and I couldn't do that any longer. I couldn't. It's not instant, and there are backslides, and some days getting out of bed is the hardest thing I've ever done. But I do, because I love the life I've made, and I know you love yours. You worked so hard for this, Chris, for everything you are and you've done since you came to live with Nat. Don't give that up because... because you're struggling. Don't let them win by convincing you you can't be anything else."

"I'm so-... it feels like a shell," Chris says, and pushes himself up to sitting, legs out to one side, tucking his head into the crook of Kauri's neck. The older man's arms move around his waist, holding him close, one hand moving up to keep stroking through his hair as he bites down on the feather, chewing on the familiar plastic. "Like I, I, I built a shell, and when Nova-... it cracked."

"Yeah. I know how that feels." Kauri turns his head, pressing a kiss to the top of Chris's hair, easy and comfortable. Chris hums around his feather, rocking just a little. The rising tide of grief inside him threatens to become a wave he can't withstand. He pushed Laken away, too far away, he made them leave him.

He broke up with them.

He made them go.

He can't take that back.

"Listen to me," Kauri whispers, lips against his scalp. "When I was at my lowest, when I hated myself the most, when I demanded Jake abandon me to what I kept telling myself I wanted... he didn't. He was still there. He was still there, and even if we weren't going to be together, he was still willing to help me stand up as a friend. When I was nothing but pieces drawing blood, he still loved me. He loved the pieces as much as the person, and he helped me put myself back together. It's not perfect. It's not overnight. And you'll still have hard days. But it's worth it, Chris."

"Why? Why, why, why is it worth it?"

"Because the world is beautiful," Kauri says, repeating his own long-ago words back to him, and Chris almost smiles. "Because I love the world, now, Chris, and I decided to try as hard as I can to love myself. I learned that from you."

"What if-... what if, if, if it's too late? What if I can't t-talk to them, or-"

"Then we'll stand you back up from there, and start moving forward again. You'll never lose us, we're family, Chris. But I think you should talk to Laken, and tell them what you're feeling, and let them decide how to react instead of deciding for them. They love you." Kauri puts a hand under his chin and lifts it, so their eyes meet. "Let them love you hurting just as much as they do when you're not."

"What if I don't... want to try any longer?"

"Then we'll be here to help you through that, too. All of it. Any of it. For better or worse, Chris, I'm your big brother - and so is Jake, and so is Antoni - and you're stuck with us whether you like it or not."

Chris tucks his head back down so Kauri can't see the tears well back up and run down, even as they soak into his shirt. His teeth grind down on the silicone plastic between them.

"I, I, I fucked up, Kauri," he whimpers, and then starts to sob. "I didn't-... I, I, I just don't w-want to be in m-my body anymore..."

Kauri holds him close.

"I h-hate it, I hate it, I hate it," Chris wails, and Kauri rests his chin on Chris's head and lets him cry. "I hate being p-pretty, I hate my, my, my, I hate that they made my body like this, I hate that I g-get scared and and and, and, and I can't stop things from happening to me, I h-hate that I hurt Laken, I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it!"

"I know," Kauri whispers. "I know, honey. I know."

"I h-hate myself-"

"Sssshhhh, I know."

Chris doesn't know how long he cries for.

But eventually he falls asleep in Kauri's arms.

@burtlederp @finder-of-rings @endless-whump @whumpfigure @astrobly @newandfiguringitout @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @boxboysandotherwhump @oops-its-whump @cubeswhump @whump-tr0pes @downriver914 @whumptywhumpdump @whumpiary @orchidscript @nonsensical-whump @outofangband @eatyourdamnpears

Playlist for this piece:

Lewis Capaldi: Hold Me While You Wait Rob Thomas: Pieces Vienna Teng: Between Aerelie Brighton: Breathe Josh Ritter: Girl in the War Beth Crowley: Runaway Train

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findingjoynweirdstuff · 3 years

Text

Dream SMP Recap (July 8/2021) - Flying Pigs

Fundy and Foolish have a literal custody battle over Fundy’s son, Yogurt.

Drista visits after her dog died and causes chaos with Tommy, forming a bomb squad of people riding flying pigs.

---

VOD LINKS:

Ponk

Foolish

Tommyinnit

Captain Puffy

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- Ponk continues taking down the rest of his casino

- Ponk meets Foolish at the casino site and tells Foolish that he wants to commission a Lemon Tree opposite of where the original one stood. Foolish is reluctant, saying the Lemon Trees have never worked out

- Foolish asks about what “Little Red” was, but Ponk says it’s best not to talk about it

- Ponk notices the Bruno Mars beacon and mistakes Prince Philip for Emperor Palpatine

- Ponk pays Foolish for the tree

- Ponk is overjoyed when they get a pet Endermite, but unfortunately it despawns while Foolish is running to get a nametag

- Ponk wants a new Lemon Tree so that if anyone messes with it, he has an excuse to fight them

- Foolish discovers Karl’s secret Tommyinnit Hate Club

- Foolish and Ponk talk about exploding each other

- They mine up the floor and Ponk tells Foolish about Salamone, the pillager who killed a lot of people who used to live down underneath the casino after Ponk took his legs. Salamone was the enforcer for his essential oils shop

- Ponk shoos Foolish away. Foolish returns to the summer home and gets rid of the top hats on the statues

- Later, Foolish heads over to Las Nevadas where he finds Fundy calling from a distance. They compare outfits

- Foolish shows Fundy the outhouse that doubles as a helicopter

- Fundy is rusty at Minecraft and suggests a PvP battle, but Foolish tells him about how he’s never killed anyone. He checks his statistics and somehow, Foolish has gained three player kills but he’s not sure when

- Fundy goes over to check on how Yogurt’s been doing. Foolish says he’s been taking care of him. Fundy tells Yogurt to look at him, but Yogurt turns to look at Foolish instead. Fundy is horrified, worried that Yogurt might not recognize him anymore

- Foolish says he is Yogurt’s father and that it is better this way

- Fundy desperately throws Yogurt some berries to try and get him to look, but again, Yogurt turns to Foolish instead

Fundy: “Do you not remember me?!”

- Foolish says that Yogurt must have started seeing him as a father figure instead. Fundy wants the PvP battle immediately. They prepare items

- They can discuss who gets Yogurt on weekdays and weekends after the battle. They decide to fight under the Eiffel Tower. Fundy declares that he will prove himself as a father today

- They negotiate the terms and Foolish counts down from ten to begin the duel. He charges at Fundy, and Fundy screams and runs away, logging out

- Fundy comes back and they start again. Fundy runs away again, but after getting a couple hits on Foolish he gains confidence and wins the first round

- They begin the second battle and Foolish charges forward while Fundy hides. But Foolish has an idea to up the stakes: climb the tower.

The two climb up opposite corners of the tower and run along the sides. Foolish gets some hits, but Fundy wins the second battle as well and the duel as a whole

- Fundy goes to feed his son some berries, and Yogurt looks at him again! Fundy is overjoyed, making happy noises

- He tells Foolish to go, so Foolish leaves Fundy with his son

- Foolish continues working on the hotel

- Drista found out about her dog, Bruno, dying, and is displeased. Tommy has the idea to go to Las Nevadas where he’s set up a new place with Wilbur, since Drista isn’t old enough to gamble

- Tommy runs over while doing his best Philza Minecraft impression with C418′s Sweden playing in the background

Tommy: “I will repent my sins through the coin of the game.”

- Tommy makes it to Fort Big, thinking he’s safe. He goes to chop some wood and that’s when Drista appears, immediately stabbing him to death

- Drista teleports him back. She is dual-wielding Netherite knives. Tommy starts up a conversation and tries to explain what happened. Drista gives him Regen so that she can stab him more

- Tommy walks over to Las Nevadas and claims that Drista isn’t allowed on this territory. He tells her she’s not the legal age to gamble. Drista points out he isn’t either

- Tommy shows her how to use the gambling machine. Drista still isn’t pleased over her dog dying

- Tommy tells Dream that his sister is mugging him for her dog dying

- Tommy starts sneaking away and Dream tells Drista, who chases him down

- He asks what he can do to make it up to her. Drista wants to vandalize someone’s house and gives Tommy a Wither rose

- They start walking back, and Tommy tells Drista that he wants to grief Captain Puffy

- Drista spawns in a dog, gets Tommy to tame it and then promptly slaughters it

- They make it back to Tommy’s house and Tommy sees Puffy’s redecoration. Drista wants to vandalize Sapnap’s house

Drista: (looking at the picture of Prince Philip) “Oh my god it’s Philza.”

- Tommy takes down Puffy’s decorations while chatting to Drista

- They walk down the path and Drista spawns another dog. Tommy tames it and Drista kills it again

- Tommy takes her over to Kinoko Kingdom and teaches Drista how to speak imaginary French

- Sapnap comes over briefly in real life, then logs in in-game while Tommy gives Drista advice on how to say no to drugs

- Sapnap tells them to leave, threatening Tommy with what he said yesterday

- Drista takes Tommy into the sky on a flying pig and he and Sapnap have an echoing shouting match

- Drista flies Tommy over to a building and Tommy lights TNT on the roof

- Tommy sets the massive OwO sign on fire and the pig catches fire too

- At Drista’s request, Tommy DMs Techno asking what pigs eat. Techno says potatoes

- Drista tells Tommy to TNT Church Prime but Tommy refuses. They land in the Holy Land and Tommy tells Sapnap to come to Church Prime. Sapnap joins the flying pig team

- Drista asks where Technoblade’s house is. They call Dream and ask him

- Tommy realizes Techno is in prison and Sapnap suggests they bomb the prison. Drista flies them over there and Techno logs on and joins the call

- Drista teleports Techno out and he rides a pig, happy to be “canonically” out of prison. Techno joins the flying pig bomb team

- Drista flies the three of them around until she stops at the Big Innit Hotel. Tommy doesn’t want to TNT the hotel, but Drista gets him to anyway

- Tommy tells Drista he wants to destroy the YOU </3 LITTLE PENIS sign. Puffy starts shooting at them. They land on the sign and start destroying it

Only ENIS remains.

- Tommy and Puffy die and Techno takes their things. Tommy says they should imprison him again. Sapnap and Techno negotiate with Puffy while Drista and Tommy fool around in the graveyard

- Drista sends Tommy a picture of Georgina

- Tommy starts rebuilding his house out of oak wood. Puffy comes over and joins VC and they banter

- Drista bans Tommy from the server

- He comes back and does not like when they start adding a granite wall. He goes over to Karl’s studio thinking it’s Puffy’s house and bumps into a glass pane repeatedly trying to get to the water, not realizing there is glass

- Tommy plays sad Minecraft music because Drista is girlbossing him, then Mask

- He calls Dream again, then gets some sea pickles to give to Drista so that he can be forgiven. Drista forgives him. She plants the pickles in the Holy Land and says he could’ve just done that from the beginning

- Tommy speaks with Dream, who tells him that in the future Tommy will still have to make it up to Drista. Drista comes back to say that there is one thing that she asks of Tommy: that he builds a Drista Hotel with a brand new dog named Brunoto (Bruno 2)

- Tommy gets one of the Drista Daggers and logs out

- Later, Puffy builds a house out of granite and blackstone opposite of Tommy’s house and removes the section of Holy Land wall blocking her therapy office

---

Upcoming events remain the same.

#dream smp #dream smp recaps #long posts

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strawberryjamsara · 3 years

Text

Keiji and Sara’s relationship throughout yttd

In which I analyze the found family dynamic between Sara and Keiji then nobody reads it. But jokes aside, I realized back when that anon asked me for my thoughts on Sara that I had enough thoughts on the relationship between these two alone for its own meta so here goes. What Sara and Keiji’s relationship means in the grand scheme of yttd.

ALSO THIS IS NOT SHIPPING SHIPPERS GET THE FUCK AWAY

Sara when she meets Keiji is distrustful of him. And how can she not be? The guy has some creepy bags under his eyes, doesn’t seem to care about the situation, and for no reason is gravitating towards her. And his response when she asks why the hell he keeps putting a random stranger in charge? “Because you’re cute.” Yeah. I’d stay within 50 feet of this guy too Sara. Especially when he’s not spilling a word about himself.

Alright we might as well get the gross part out of the way. To clear things up. In the Japanese version, the word he uses “Kawai” can be seen as a more fatherly word to use with a kid. But the comments about going on dates from himself and from Shin? Those are still there. And I still think they’re really uncomfortable and wish they weren’t in the game period but we can get thematic significance out of them.

We still don’t know Keijis reasons in game for being attached to Sara. My theory? She’s his handicap. He was told to get close to the higher scorer who could easily backstab him, and he’d be stuck with her. It just kinda makes sense to me. But since that’s just a theory I won’t lean to heavily on it for support. But let’s talk about his comments.

Keiji… well, it’s shown at many points in the game that Keiji just thinks of himself as doomed to be a bad person. It can be seen during his day two negotiations when he calls himself a killer and explains he can’t even trust himself so Sara shouldn’t really bother and more explicitly so is the classroom scene between him and Ranmaru where he says he isn’t fit to protect Sara because of his sins. The flirting is both a way to distract people, and to put distance between himself and Sara. He’s not really “protecting” her.

Okay gross bit nobody wants to talk about is over I promise we won’t talk about it again. Let’s talk about Russian Roulette. In this scene, Keiji once again tries to make Sara the leader with no explanation, but then, Sara yells at him, something he didn’t expect. And through this he actually reveals something huge. The source of his trauma. His shooting. For Keiji to have actually revealed something that big, I think that this is the first moment he began to see Sara past whatever reason he first started making her a leader. This is the beginning of their bond.

This bond gets solidified over chapter 1-2s investigation. Keiji is still putting her in charge because his handicap said to build her up for whatever reason, but they’re able to have chats, and she keeps picking at his armor. He reveals his dark sense of humor to her, and she, suspicious just sort of keeps him at arms length. Also she rides his shoulders to screw in a light and he complains which is funny. The scene post Nao also helps the two of them sharpen investigative skills together, as they discuss the mystery of Miley, and Mishimas head.

Then another significant scene. The white room. I call this scene significant because, instead of letting Sara investigate the gruesome scene of the first trial, Keiji for the first time, allows Sara to walk out. Something that will become relevant later but until then, Keiji has begun to put Sara’s well-being above serving whatever purpose he had by building her up. So keep that in your pocket while we go over the main game.

There’s only two points for the main game I want to cover. While Keiji and Sara do put their heads together a few times, Sara still doesn’t fully trust him, so I will only go over 1. When Shin brings up Kai’s emails. Keiji has been fully logical this whole time, questioning everyone’s alibis including Nao’s who he saw the emotional plea from, but when Sou brings up potentially damning evidence of Sara, he just asks if he read the emails wrong. 2. When Sara is panicking over being chosen for the final round, Keiji loudly shouts “GET A GRIP SARA!” With a serious expression. Before quickly backtracking and going back to a devil may care expression. This shows he is both already emotionally attached to Sara, but unwilling to stake himself towards giving himself to a new cause.

Anyways, he stops her from pressing the button blah blah blah, onto chapter 2! I’ve made a post about this before but it seems as early as here, Keiji is trying to talk Sara down from pushing herself further. But at this point, Sara has already dedicated herself to the role because her best friend died due to her priority to protect everyone. Keiji sees the problem and he tries to get her to rest up, but he still doesn’t spend the time to have a serious talk about it because as he says in the classroom. He isn’t fit to protect her. He doesn’t think of himself as a good person who can help her. He thinks of himself as a murderer and he doesn’t allow himself to recover from the trauma.

Sara however is starting to rely more on Keiji. He’s been willing to comfort her in her times of grief and furthermore, she has something to relate to him on. They both have deaths of important people in their lives they feel responsibility for.

There’s also the fact that Keiji sees a lot of his old self in Sara. An idealistic person, being beaten down, and worrying over the idea they might be becoming a bad person. He feels the same as her.

Not to mention… Keiji follows through on his promises. He actually tells Sara about the person he respected like he said he would which establishes a further sense of trust.

However, something that tears that sense of trust apart is the tokens scene. When Keiji doesn’t even let Sara hold 50 tokens, it raises suspicion. Sara already knows he shot a person- what more could he have to hide? That scares her away. The negotiation event is an attempt for Keiji to win back her trust. But it slowly turns into Keiji’s self-loathing session. And his declaration maybe Sara shouldn’t trust him.

However, time passes enough (and Keiji supports Sara enough in the final attraction) for them to get together and investigate in 2-2. And there’s a lot of moments I can talk about there so I’ll be just doing a few rapidfire things. So first, Sara is in peak weird girl mode and Keiji can hardly control her chaos. Second, Keiji makes a full on decision at one point to go against Sara when she’s putting herself in danger of getting caught for their search so they can hide. Third, his response to “I don’t intend to die” when he asks “will you die with me” is that’s a good answer.

And fourth… a moment I really wanna touch on… Keiji watches something that could easily incriminate Sara. It’s not just some word of mouth thing like with Shin who lied about things several times before this point. But in that moment, he still relies on Sara and says he wouldn’t feel bad betting his life on her. The message is clear. Keiji supports Sara unconditionally.

Now let’s talk about Keiji totally dropping Sara’s ass with the card trades.

The way Keiji makes his trades is very telling. He first, steals a keymaster card from either Sou or Kanna to give to Sara. This is supporting Sara, but it’s doing it in a way that supports his view of himself. That he’s a scumbag who would steal someone’s immunity just to give it to someone he likes more. And would a shithead like that be “worthy” of sacrificing themselves and taking the card for Sara? (And he knew she had it. Qtaro had to tell him for their plan to happen) no. Instead he essentially opts for a revenge plot. A plan to ensnare Shin and kill him for pawning off the sacrifice to Sara. Basically, he wanted to fuck up Shin like how he fucked up Megumi. Nice going Keiji. This is… kind of his low point in the story.

But 3-1….. man this chapter hits in all the right ways. I don’t remember 3A that much, (although I do know that Keiji shows a lot of concern over Sara potentially being triggered by Joe memorabilia) and also if you fail the Keiji Midori fight you can have Sara attempt to tag Keiji and he rejects. And how can we forget… the mr policeman flashback. As Sara says, this is Keiji’s first time opening up on his own.

And then… coffin saga. Sara through everything is not willing to let Keiji die. Although she’s had her ups and downs with him, leaving him to die is inconceivable to her with everything they’ve been through together. So she opts to sign the contract both times she is offered it.

Keiji clearly is somebody important to Sara. Important enough that Ranmaru bringing him up is enough to snap her out of her murderous trance. Enough that she throws logic out the window when she has a sign he’s okay.

Likewise, the scene in the classroom for Keiji is… a huge step. When he’s alone with Ranmaru, who is unstable, in that classroom, his priority is Sara. He turns his back to the threat to hold Sara and try and make sure she’s okay- dumb move, but it shows how far he’s come.

And again, I want to reiterate- Keiji is Sara’s anchor. At the banquet when Sara is about to give up, she imagines Keiji talking to her which brings her back in the game. Much like Joe did back in chapter 2. The message is palpable. Keiji is Sara’s new Joe. And when Keiji comes back to comfort her? He’s now fully willing to sacrifice himself. It winds up not being needed seeing as Qtaro is the one that died. But in that moment, we see Keiji has made a huge leap from chapter 2. He almost sacrificed himself for Gin. And he would’ve used his final moments to comfort Sara. He’s embraced that he’s a father figure. He allows himself to be a good person.

Anyways I don’t know how to conclude this and I’ve been writing for hours. Bababooey.

#your turn to die #kimi ga shine #yttd #keiji shinogi #sara chidouin #gothitxt

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sailormoonandme · 3 years

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Usagi’s Evolution as a Healer Goddess

The other day I saw a post discussing the evolution of Usagi’s fuku and it occurred to me how Eternal Sailor Moon’s costume was her first Senshi uniform to ditch the tiara.

That in turn led me to consider how that kind of makes Usagi weaker as it removes a very useful weapon for her. After all, if you include the movies, Usagi uses some variant of Moon Tiara Action in practically every season prior to Stars.

However, dwelling more upon it I realized how this tiny change was all too appropriate for Usagi’s character development.

Firstly, by supplanting the Tiara with her Moon planetary symbol, Eternal Sailor Moon more closely resembles both Queen Serenity, her own Princess Serenity form and her future self as Neo-Queen Serenity.

Since all three are objectively more powerful than Usagi typically is as Sailor Moon I think the change emphasises how she has ‘levelled up’ in her Eternal form. When combined with the angel wings, Eternal Sailor Moon shifts Usagi visually closer to her future self as NQS, which in the anime is implied to be her most powerful incarnation.* It is almost as though the visual was communicating that the Divine Miracle Magic that she’d previously drawn upon as Princess Serenity in Classic-SuperS had now become ingrained in her standard Senshi form and thus was more accessible to her.

It was in thinking of her previous efforts as Princess Serenity that I inevitably recalled her duel with Metalia/Beryl in episode 46 and realized that Eternal Sailor Moon was the first time since Classic that Usagi’s default attack was a healing technique not a destructive one.

Moon Healing Escalation was Usagi’s first healing technique but until Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss (and it’s later upgrade, Silver Moon Crystal Power Kiss) it was also her only healing technique.

Between regaining healing techniques and ditching her tiara/other destructive attacks/weapons, I think this represents her subtle growth in both her power and status. After all, it is a sad fact of life that it is easier to destroy something rather than fix it, thereby making the latter far more impressive.**

This skewing towards healing power rather than destructive power is also (arguably) thematically appropriate given the nature of Sailor Moon as a female power fantasy as (rightly or wrongly) the act of healing is typically coded as feminine.

We can even take this further by examining things from the ‘opposite direction’ as it were.

Consider that in the climactic final episodes of Sailor Stars, Eternal Sailor Moon’s healing technique actually fails her when used against Galaxia. In later episodes, upon adopting her Princess Serenity form (complete with larger and more obviously angelic wings), she uses a sword to duel Galaxia.

Obviously a sword is, at least predominantly, an offensive weapon and can therefore be viewed as symbolic of aggression; let’s leave any Freudian or gendered interpretations alone for today. Her use of the sword is highly uncharacteristic��(in the anime). Even her explicitly offencive weapons (like the Cutie Moon Rod or Spiral Moon Heart Rod) weren’t as clearly aggressive nor obviously violent. Desperate times calling for desperate measures? Perhaps, but we might also speculate it was her subconsciously reacting to grief. Not only can grief make you act in ways you wouldn’t normally, but a sword after all was a weapon wielded by her lover in his Prince Endymion incarnation. Her lover whom Usagi had just learned Galaxia had murdered. In other words, amidst her grief she reacts by going too hard in the other direction after healing her enemy proves ineffective.

However, when all is said and done the sword fails her.*** Ultimately is simply escalates the conflict by prompting Galaxia to become Chaos Galaxia and thereby make Usagi’s chances of victory all the slimmer. If we wished to stretch things, you could perhaps say that this is a commentary about how war and violence ultimately begets yet more war and violence.

Even if that is an over extrapolation though, it still served to emphasis the point that a sword is not befitting of Usagi, that she was doomed to lose if she continued to battle with destroying her enemy as the end goal.

In fact, her road to real victory begins when she not doesn’t attack Galaxia but makes it easier for herself to be attacked. In the end, Usagi doesn’t confront her most powerful enemy as the God-Queen of the future, the demi-goddess Princess of the distant past, the sailor-suited soldier of love and justice in the present, nor even a humble school girl.

She does it by literally stripping herself of all those things, of stripping herself of everything in fact.

Her weapons? Gone.

Her other items, like her Tiare? Gone.

Her comrades? Gone, and they’d be powerless against Galaxia anyway.

And finally, even her clothes? Gone!

Beyond the Silver Crystal (an outward visualization of her heart/soul) and the angel wings (symbolic of her role as a saviour) she is completely (but tastefully) naked.

Usagi visually and quite literally is more vulnerable than she’s ever been, even more so than on her first night as Sailor Moon.

And yet this is Usagi at her actual most powerful.

It is her distilled to her absolute essence as a person, all other trappings removed. She’d just one person showing another they will categorically not harm them, that they bear them no malice and they have nothing to hide. That openness and compassion is what ultimately enables her to connect to the good within Galaxia and pull her away from the darkness that had corrupted her.

Usagi in this moment completely fulfilled her character arc.

· In the Dark Kingdom arc Usagi destroys (or seals away depending upon your POV) Beryl/Metalia.

· In the Hell Tree arc, Usagi resolves the over all plot via a healing technique (although it is functionally similar to a destructive attack). However, that only happens because the Hell Tree both instructs Usagi to do that and because it lets her. It is the equivalent of a sickly doctor instructing a nurse on what to do to make them better. The nurse might have the power but their agency as a healer is limited.

· In the Black Moon arc, Usagi, with help, destroys Wiseman/Death Phantom.

· In the Death Busters arc, Usagi does save Hotaru and ‘purify’ her. However, like the Hell Tree, that was something Hotaru wanted. Additionally, her purification functioned as a way to heal the body of someone sick and who wanted to sacrifice themselves, not someone actually evil. The evil in question was Pharaoh 90 and it is presumed that Usagi destroyed him (although it might’ve been Hotaru or the pair of them together).

· Forgive me for skipping the Dead Moon Circus arc as Chibiusa is the real protagonist there, and Usagi’s role is chiefly as a rescuer. It therefore doesn’t really apply, although the Nehelenia mini-arc from Stars is a different story. There, Usagi was a healer again, but she did it with the help of her loved ones and with the aid of her Tiare device. Nevertheless, we can see by this point Usagi’s capacity as a healer heroine had been gradually growing until we get to the battle with Galaxia.

By the end of series, Usagi has successfully healed Galaxia and it is neither with the aid of her comrades, nor with the power of a weapon or device, nor with any instructions from her ‘patient’ or any other third party.

Additionally, Galaxia (unlike Hotaru) wasn’t someone’s who was saved from a noble self-sacrifice or had a physical ailment that needs to be addressed. In Galaxia’s case, her very soul had lost it’s way and become corrupted. She had lost who she was supposed to be and her purpose in life had been perverted.****

When combined with how powerful Galaxia always was, how Chaos and the Star Seeds empowered her further, Usagi’s victory here cannot be understated.

Her ‘patient’ was more powerful than all her other adversaries, was in need of more healing than her other ‘patients’ and was more resistant to being healed. Not to mention, since she’d directly murdered her beloved friends (and indirectly aborted her future daughter), Usagi would’ve been forgiven for not even trying to salvage Galaxia

And yet, with no weapons, no backup and just the power of her heart and soul basically, Usagi succeeded.

After Stars the idea that Usagi could heal the entire planet after a global catastrophe and reshape it into a fairy tale crystalline utopia was all too believable.

What’s healing one planet when her ability to empathise had already healed a whole galaxy?

Who needs a tiara to reduce evil to dust when you can simply convince evil to be good?

*This is arguably symbolized by baby Hotaru’s vision of NQS transforming into Eternal Sailor Moon in episode 1 of Stars.

In fact, we might argue that a low-key subplot running through all of Stars (both the Nehelenia and Galaxia portions of it) is gradually transitioning Usagi closer to the person she is destined to become as Neo-Queen Serenity, hence why the first episode features the most explicit reference to her fate as Queen since R.

**Personally I am an atheist, but nevertheless I and others like me can grasp why deities in most major religions through history weren’t simply capable of mass scale destruction, but also of essentially manipulating reality to create things too.

By that same token, it’s little surprise that perhaps the widest spread religious figure in history was Jesus Christ who rarely (if ever) engaged in aggression or destructive acts, predominantly employing divine healing powers.

I suspect the attraction of such figures to human beings lies in the fact that on some level we know that, given the right time and resources, we mere mortals would be capable of destroying anything. Given time it’s all but certain we will develop the technology to even destroy planetary bodies. On the flipside, I think we also intuitively grasp that reversing such damage, of reattaching a limb, of stanching bleeding, etc, is far more difficult if not impossible. Hence we attributed the ability to do such things to larger than life Divine Entities.

*** Now that I think of it, it’s also poignant that Usagi tries and fails to defeat Galaxia with a sword when we take Sailor Uranus into consideration.

Uranus is of course associated with her weapon, the Space Sword and, like Usagi, tried and failed to use such a weapon against Galaxia.

Giving Uranus a sword is symbolically appropriate given her role as the leader of the more aggressive branch of the Sailor Team. Having her fail against Galaxia and Usagi consequently fail by in some way ‘mimicking her tactics’ is equally symbolically appropriate. Not only because of their ideological conflict in Sailor Moon S but also their tensions in Sailor Stars itself. In both situations Usagi’s more open, less aggressive, ideology was ultimately proven correct.

Thus in using a sword against Galaxia it represented how Usagi was always doomed to fail by taking the aggressive/destructive route and how she was arguably not being true to herself in that moment.

****It’s not to dissimilar to Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker now that I think about it.

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redrose-arrow · 3 years

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hi Duncan x halt anon here and you have NO IDEA what you’ve just unleashed (IVE BEEN WANTING TO TALK ABOUT THESE TWO FOR SO LONGN) but you said to go ahead and I will until it gets annoying!!!

ANYWAY so these two are...pretty different, right. But in the books Duncan lets Halt get away with a LOT and genuinely values him & Halt does have at minimum SOME respect for Duncan, bc I don’t think Duncan would tolerate just straight-up disrespect, but their dynamic is “very good friends friends who’ll tease/bully each other” more so than “loyal follower & royal leader”. SO what I’m thinking: after Crowley & Halt rescue him from the castle & they’re on their way to the tournament, Duncan realizes Halt is That Guy From The Ball That Duncan Totally Wasn’t Crushing On From Afar, and he’s like....BUT THEY SAID YOU WERE DEAD so Halt yanks him aside while Crowley’s distracted and is like “SHUT UP ILL TELL YOU LATER.” Duncan won’t tell Crowley or the others even if Halt doesn’t wanna explain but he IS very confused & Halt knows he won’t stop pestering him for an explanation...So he tells Duncan the story, late one night by the campfire, when Crowley is fast asleep. Halt keeps his voice low and he’s kinda reluctant to tell it at first but he gets through it, tells Duncan all about how his own brother resented him for being heir to a throne he never wanted in the first place, how he saw Ferris change and become more distant and manipulative over the years, how he witnessed firsthand how power could corrupt a man (and has the scars to prove it). Duncan asks about his parents, because surely they would’ve recognized the attempts on his life? “They fought too much to notice,” Halt says dismissively. “Even if they didn’t, I was hardly the son they would’ve wanted on the throne—Ferris was more charismatic, more amiable. I was the firstborn but he was their favourite, and I couldn’t quite bring myself to ruin that for them.” And he talks, eventually, about his little sister Caitlyn; the only one who saw what was going on and believed him when he told her, fever-ridden and delirious from a batch of “spoiled shrimp”, that Ferris was trying to kill him. The words come easier when Halt talks about Caitlyn and there’s something like a smile curled on his lips, and Duncan’s heart sorta skips a beat in his chest because Oh Right, I Used To Have A Crush On This Guy And It Turns Out I Still Kinda Do!!!! And then Halt talks about how Pritchard found him and how his mentor is the only one besides his terrible family who knows the truth about him & why he left, and maybe he doesn’t say it outright but he 100% implies that Pritchard is just so important to him. Like “father that I’ve never had, except I did have a father but he sucked and Pritchard was just so much kinder & better” kind of important

I took the liberty of copy-pasting your second ask so that no one else has to wait for the rest :)

"part 2 bc that was getting long,,,, ANYWAY, so Duncan and Halt stay up a bit longer talking—they move away from Ferris’ assassination attempts and just chat about other stuff for a bit. Duncan enjoys having another person to relate to abt the tediousness & honestly? the loneliness of royal life, and Halt honestly doesn’t expect to enjoy talking to someone else this much. The only other person he’s really connected to since coming to Araluen is Crowley, but Crowley is just enough of a bastard for Halt to tolerate (and maybe even like), so it’s a surprise that the other person he can connect with is a straight-laced prince. Also Duncan’s basically like “okay so this guy is an (ex?) crown prince, he’s INSANELY skilled & actually very funny in a deadpan, sarcastic way, AND he’s helping me take back my kingdom from an evil baron....yeah I can get behind this”. So yadda yadda they get through the confrontation with Morgarath at the tournament, and, true to his word, Duncan doesn’t tell any of the others about Halt’s background. At the end of the book when Pritchard is murdered, Duncan hears about it from Baron Arald and he’s like....oh, shit. He tracks down Halt and Crowley, both of whom are appropriately enraged and grieving, and makes proper funeral arrangements for Pritchard & allows them some time off to process their grief. Afterwards he goes to Halt privately, bc now he’s the only one who knows abt Halt’s childhood & he knows Halt lost more than a dear mentor—and Halt’s in his cabin being very short-tempered and snappy with him but Duncan just sits and waits. And eventually the anger kinda drains out of Halt, and he sits down at the table w Duncan and over ale they share stories about man who’d been like a father to Halt; Duncan didn’t know him all that well, but Pritchard had been around the castle enough when Duncan was a child for him to remember some of the chaos the man had caused. Halt tells a tale or two of his own and explains, a lottttt later when he’s drunker than he should be in front of the almost-king, that Pritchard had saved his life—they’d met while Halt was still at the castle and Pritchard had taught him how to swim some months before Ferris tried to drown him. But it was more than that, Halt tells him, it was so much more than that. Pritchard had been a safe haven, had given him refuge, had given him hope when he needed it most. And now he was gone and Halt was just..... he doesn’t finish the sentence but Duncan nods and says “I know”. Because yeah, he does know. And they sit in silence for a while longer, not as an (almost) King and Ranger but as two men who know what it’s like to be alone.

And now they don’t have to be!!! AND THIS ONLY COVERED THE FIRST TEY BOOK I have,,,, so many more things to say about these two but I THINK this has gotten long enough so 💀 I’ll leave this here. Ty for listening to my rant abt medieval middle-aged gays :D (also disclaimer: at this point, I think Duncan would be more or less the only one with some developing romantic feelings. But then again this only covers the first book, so Halt’s own revelation would come later)"

ANON YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING.

Their dynamic is indeed just that. Duncan recognising him out of the blue and Halt having to physically shut him up? Legendary. Duncan feeling his crush return? Amazing.

I never thought about Duncan and Halt relating about royal life but it makes so much sense??? especially just talking about the lessons and the trouble having friends etc etc. The resulting whole no-longer-alone thing has me *this* close to tears. Duncan then tracking down Halt -- he 11/10 w o u l d. Halt being angry and then just almost sobbing while Duncan has no idea wtf he should do but the fact that he's there and he's listening means everything to Halt.

Anon, I have absolute 0 regrets unleashing this. Awfully bold of you to assume that it'll get annoying. You fully got me now, I'm shipping them hard. I'm invested. Please do elaborate whenever you wish. I will gladly listen to more rants about medieval middle-aged gays. Go ahead.

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sonthesheep · 3 years

Text

Satisfied

felix Escellun X GN! Reader

pronouns used:They/them

Hamilton AU

THIS IS ANGST!!!!!! Jdjsjdhwjdh plus word vomit i just wanna get this out of my system

Gold trim, Fancy wine and the smell of arrogance in the air floated onto a big room of elite people whom had their heels on the dance floor sweeping themselves to the music of violin.

It's the winter ball for the finest people, in a manor the known escell mirun and florian aguis lived.

Felix as the only son of the hosts, weren't as delighted to attend such lavish events but he stood in the ballroom full of unfamiliar faces feeling yet kinda out of place.

women and men from high born families are offering him a dance, trying to win him as if it was a competition on who's going to take him by the hands.

"Good grief, this is the last straw I'm getting out of here" The lad said to himself, feeling the presence of the nobles highly overwhelming

He took a deep breath as he strides out of the venue to take a fresh breath of air, away from the these people whom named elite but never even once he saw someone who caught his eyes.

as he walks away from the loud music, he helped himself by having him welcomed to florian's garden, it was the place which he always saw intriguing and looking at the plants his father took care of will always be enough to take him out of the royalty chaos.

the moon beams down strongly this night, and as he moves forward he caught his gaze onto you, who slightly jumped due to his presence.

"HI!"

the moment then suddenly turned magical for his sight, he thought he never saw you around nor have been familiar by your presence but one thing was for sure you had him captivated.

he admired you in which seemed to me a split second but in his eyes everything went in slow motion.

'I'll never forget the first time I saw your face I have never been the same, Intelligent eyes in a hunger-pang frame and when you said "Hi", I forgot my dang name set my heart aflame, every part aflame'

This is not a game'

"weren't you supposed in the ballroom?" despite being stunned intimidating words came out of his mouth 'fuck' he muttered to himself as he slightly bit his bottom lip in unreadable embarrassment

"Sorry i really don't know if i wasn't supposed to be here but these nerium oleander caught my attention" You said with the most apologetic voice ever but keeping yourself away from the flower

"You know about them?" he asked very surprised, it was a flower which can only be identified for those who knew what it is capable of.

"Oh i do!! I'm just surprised to find them here

they are very rare and is one of the most poisonous flowers found existing i just never knew I'd found them in this place" You gave him a gentle smile as you fixed your posture, offering him a handshake

he took you by your hands, he was as breath taking as he looked he gently shook your palm as he introduced himself

"My name is felix escellun"

"Y/n" you replied

"I never really saw you around here, where's your family from?" He asked as he wondered from what royal's you belonged to.

"I'm just a messenger from one of those families in the ballroom, i never really seemed fit to be there but they still took me here. But that's unimportant when i become one of the greatest warriors in this place, I'll make a name for myself!" You said with a glistening sparkle on your eyes, and hunger ready to take on everything

'So this is what it feels like to match wits with someone at your level, What the hell is the catch?

It's the feeling of freedom, of seein' the light It's Ben Franklin with a key and a kite You see it, right? '

your conversations lasted in long minutes, both fascinated by the things you shared to each other the way you were both unsatisfied and wanted more in life, more than what everyone tell you to be.

you have the same outlook in life, the same want for change everything was said equal agreement as if harmony existed when both of you met.

the conversations went sweeter as the moments pass by, you were subtly flirting and though he pretends not be affected his cheeks say otherwise. The comfort is amazing, it was like everything is meant to be there.

felix observers your features attentively, how you thumb away your hair carefully and way your voice change as you speak of the things you love truly.

if only he could take you away from the place you're in, far away from everyone to protect you just because you deserve it and he'll be happy to see you fluttering your wings and fly.

"You really have a wonderful home! I felt like romeo and juliet somehow met here as their love story was told" You said all, cheery with your cheeks touching your eyes as you smiled.

"Maybe ours could start here too"

you said with a slight blush on your face, you knew it was an embarrassing line but you took your shot anyways.

"Page one opened" Felix replied with a smile ghosting his lips, he felt like it was too good to be true but his feelings lingered, it was his first time meeting you but you took him places he's never been before through all the things you've made him feel in one night.

He decided to take you inside of the hall, hands intertwined together as he offered you a dance it you were both having a great time, and familiar figure walked by the two of you and greeted

"Who is this person felix? they're ethereal"

Scylla, His sister said, her stance was elegant and everything about her is of finest goods.

Felix saw a different glow onto his sister's face, something he never saw before.

"This Y/N, Y/N this Scylla my sister"

"Sister? You're just as majestic scylla! if It takes being in a war for us to meet then it would've been worth it" You complimented.

"I don't wanna be rude to my brother here, but would you mind if i take them for a small dance!?" Scylla smiled with a sly smile on her face

'this one's mine' she whispers, but felix gave an annoyed snort in disbelief

'you wish scylla'

Despite the small banter, felix lets you dance with her sister who took a liking to you

it was a wonderful night but he realizes the most important things throughout the night.

it was already time for you to go, He kissed you knuckles goodbye as he looked at you

"We'll meet again that's for sure" felix smiled as you wave him goodbye

"I'll be back here again!"

A year has passed and crowds cheered onto the moonlight, fancy decorations painted same the tall walls where the ball once happened, golden trims of fabric greeted the newly weded couple whomst hold the most genuine smiles on their face.

familiar faces flooded the ball room, eyes all fixated to the stars of the night, it's finally time to reminisce how sweet their first meet was, and as the visitors applauded sage lesath stirred up the crowd to welcome another important guest

"Alright, alright

That's what I'm talkin' about

Now, everyone give it up for the maid of honor

Felix Escellun"

The crowd shouted louder through his presence, hands clapping and glasses clinking in celebration, Felix smiled as he raised a wine glass on his left hand.

"A toast to the newly wedded partners from a brother who's happy for the union and hope you provide!"

he smiles yet the hint of bitterness tickled his cheeks, he looked onto your eyes with regrets but it was masked up with his facade

"I've never seen scylla with such passion in her eyes before you, you bring the best of my sister i knew she'd be right for you. Writing the first letter for both of you to bond deeper is something i never regret doing"

"May you two always be satisfied"

His gray eyes then sparkled with tears ready to gush down any moment from now, not because of joy but for the choice he made, To let his sisyer be happy, and let you go onto her arms now as her wedded partner.

It was the hard choice to make, the jealousy in his heart tugs as he fantasize how would it have been if he just didn't give you up, but he knew scylla has never been this genuinely happy even once in her life before you.

everything flashes on the back of his mind, his responsibilities as the heir, and everything in his shoulders he wanted you, he really did

and this is the only way he could have you in his sight.

'and i will never be satisfied'

THIS IS THE MOST PAINFUL SHIT I'VE WRITTEN I'M- KSHSISHDUW I CANNOT THIS WILL HAVE A PART TWO FOR REDEMPTION!!! I'M CRYING

#felix iskandar escellun #fictif #nix hydra #anisa anka #felix iskandar #sage lesath #last legacy #felix escellun x reader #ayanna anka #felix fictif #anisa fictif #x reader #drabble #fanfiction #sage fictif #scylla anguis #Hamilton au #satisfied #Spotify

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hallowxiu · 4 years

Text

Whatever It Takes to Keep You Safe

pairing: lucifer/gn!mc

word count: 1.5k

summary: You feel so dissociated from it; as if you were simply watching someone else’s end. You will not last the night. Or What if Simeon didn’t get to you and Lucifer in time?

a/n: a lot of things i gotta mention. 1) SPOILERS for lesson 38 and onward, so don’t read this if you don’t want some of the plot spoiled for you. 2) MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH. there are also mentions of blood, death (obviously) and injury due to stabbing.

You always had the best intentions, but you can’t save everyone and you knew that. In fact, you’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t know you’d eventually be put in this situation. Your unwavering loyalty has cost you to lose yourself time and time again, but maybe this time you’ve truly crossed a line that cannot be uncrossed. The taste of copper in your mouth is an ever-so-present reminder of that.

Lucifer never wanted to get close to you and this was something you knew from the start. His pride would never let him admit it, but he cared for you deeply, more so than he’s cared for anything else. Still, over time you managed to break and tear his walls down, seeing glimpses of Lucifer that others couldn’t even begin to imagine. You enjoyed his company and you knew he enjoyed yours equally, if not more. You knew that scared him.

Do you think he’ll forgive you for this? Will he think of you fondly in the future, or will you have left a bitter taste in his mouth? The thought makes your heart ache.

You feel your body being propped up, strong arms secured around you tightly. You felt safe, despite the fact that you were oozing blood from your chest. It was warm, just like him. You hear Lucifer call your name with a broken voice, a look of pure disbelief and grief plastered across his face. You felt awful that you were the cause of it, but you knew you had done the right thing, or at least that’s what you chose to believe. “Why did you do this? Why didn’t you kill me instead?” You can see the slight tremble of his lips and the barely concealed tears that are beginning to well in his eyes. Maybe the reality of the situation finally sank in. “You heard what Solomon said earlier. You just needed to kill me to restore the power of the Night Dagger; you didn’t need to stab yourself.”

“Just? You make it sound as if it’s the easiest thing in the world to kill you.” Your voice was a lot fainter than you thought it would be. “I would rather die than kill you with my own hands. Either way I would end up dying.” Your words didn’t comfort him but they weren’t meant to. You were only telling the truth, whether that’s what he wanted to hear or not. “I know you’re suffering from amnesia, but did you really think I would be able to kill you? There is not a thing in this world that could convince me that killing you is the right way. Not a single thing.”

You felt something warm and wet drop onto your cheek, and suddenly you felt more drops of water landing on your cheek. “Lucifer…” You reached a hand up and cupped his cheek, your thumb caressing the smooth skin. What was there left to say? Nothing you could say would make the situation better and you both knew that. His tears stream down his cheeks as he’s hit with the realization that you were dying, and that nothing he could do would stop this. He knew that as a human you would die before him, but he never thought he would be facing it so suddenly. Not like this. He wanted to see you die of old age in your sleep, a peaceful death that you deserved. If anyone deserved a nice death, it was you.

“I don’t-- I don’t know what to do.” This was the first time you had seen Lucifer look so beside himself, so lost as if he were a child looking for an adult to help. This wasn’t the normal Lucifer you knew, but then again, this wasn’t a normal situation that you knew either. You died once already, though you were brought back and it was significantly more complicated than this. Here, you stabbed yourself. That was all there was to it. You stabbed yourself so that Lucifer could live his life. It really was that simple.

“Only… only one of us needs to die in order for peace to be restored. It doesn’t have to be you. Besides, I’m just a human anyway. What is so special about me that I should outlive the great and mighty Lucifer?” It was becoming increasingly difficult to speak and you could feel your vision beginning to blur. You felt both as light as a feather and as heavy as a brick at the same time. It was hard to explain; you yourself didn’t even fully understand it. But does anyone truly understand the concept of dying? When you’re actively dying? It’s too much for the brain to process. “I think most will agree with me that it should be me and not you.”

“Don’t say that.” You could tell he wanted to be angry with you, to scream at you at the top of his lungs for putting yourself in this situation, for putting him in this situation, and yet-- and yet he just couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to hate you or blame you. He was just hurt. “This wasn’t how this was supposed to go.”

“I know.” Is all you offer the grieving demon. The eldest brings you closer to him, embracing you in his arms as your head rests against his chest. Death didn’t seem as scary as you once thought. If death meant staying in the embrace of Lucifer, then it couldn’t be all that bad, right? “Promise me you won’t… that you won’t blame yourself for this. No one… could have seen this coming.” You were running out of time.

“Why not just kill me?” His voice was desperate, his eyes wide as you watched him try to process the situation.

“I always want you safe. I would have done the same for any of your brothers.” You couldn’t waste your breath on speaking any longer, it was taking more out of you than you thought it would. Oh, how you took for granted all the times you were able to speak without feeling so winded. To fully express how you felt without your own body getting in the way of that, acting as a physical barrier.

You feel Lucifer’s grip around you tighten, the demon pressing you closer to his body to convince himself that you’re still there. “I can’t live a world without you.” His voice was so broken and it destroyed you. “I don’t want to; I can’t.”

Your time was coming to an end and fast. You thought you were okay with this, but now you were finding that you didn’t have enough time. “I love you, Lucifer.” You needed him to know. You’ve said it to him hundreds of times, but you needed him to know it at this moment. “I love you so fucking much.” Your own vision is filled with tears and you rapidly blink them away, instead wanting to focus on the demon’s face. You wanted his face to be the last thing you saw.

“Don’t say that. You aren’t leaving.” You both knew he was in denial as he tugged you closer, his body shaking as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. “You’re not leaving me.” You smile to yourself as you let the sobbing man hold you, his cries filling up the room and no doubt reaching the ears of his brothers. You were sure there would be complete and utter chaos within the next several minutes, but you knew you wouldn’t be there to see it.

You would miss all the small things about Lucifer, the way his eyebrows would furrow as he filled out his paperwork, or the way he would smile as he texted Mammon when thinking no one was looking. You would miss the fond look in his eyes when bragging about his brothers to Lord Diavolo, and you would miss the way how he always knew exactly what to say when to comfort you. You wish you could do the same for him now. This would just have to be good enough; it had to, this was all you had to offer.

“I love you.” Lucifer cries into your neck. “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.” He knows he’s chanting those words to an empty room. The demon knew the exact moment your heart gave its final beat, the exact moment you drew your last breath. He felt the difference in your body weight, the moment you became heavier to hold and colder to the touch. He knew it, but he chose to ignore it. For now, just for now, he would pretend that everything was okay, that you were only lying asleep in his arms.

You gave and gave all your love, but in the end it was never enough to protect those you love, let alone yourself. Sometimes, that’s just how it has to be.

#drabbles #lucifer x mc #obey me shall we date #obey me #shall we date #lucifer one shot #obey me one shot #obey me shall we date one shot #obey me angst #lucifer angst #obey me shall we date angst #lucifer x reader #lucifer x main character #obey me shall we date x reader #obey me x reader #obey me x mc #angst #one shot

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intergalacticwanderer · 3 years

Text

The concept from this post of Molly haunting the M9 but disappearing when the Tomb Takers resurrect Lucien is something that I just. Keep thinking about.

First realizing something is up when Molly accidentally possesses Beau during the assault on the Sour Nest. Everyone being very confused after the fight as to why Beau is so agitated and shouting at nothing. Finally put two and two together that Molly is THERE but can only be seen or heard after possessing someone and there’s a bunch of sudden body hopping and even more shouting. Caduceus being very apprehensive and warning everyone else about the potential dangers but settles for being watchful when they insist it’s okay.

Molly hovering anxiously around Yasha while waiting for her to wake up, but not being able to explain the situation to her before visiting the grave and her still leaving the group in grief. Heavy conversations at the grave about what things are like for Molly now and that honestly, he really doesn’t like being a ghost, but not seeing a way out of it besides being destroyed because he doesn’t even know WHY he’s a ghost. Making an informal goal to fix things for Molly somehow, and Caduceus calmly and comfortingly offering to help him find a way to move on if he’d prefer to do that instead. A coat is still left behind as a promise.

Yasha meeting them again after they travel to the coast and the emotional moment where they’re finally able to explain what’s going on. The whirlwind of the next few weeks and months as they all travel together, Molly spending short stints riding along with someone else so he can at least FEEL something for a little while. Acting as a scout and look out for danger for the rest of the group, but everyone else being careful to not say too much about him around others.

(Standing on the deck of their ship, looking at the night sky splashed with stars and waves crashing around them and Molly longing, aching for the chance to feel the sea breeze in person. Wanting to chase the horizon and new experiences, bound to nothing and no one except for what he chooses.)

Being forced to watch, helpless, as Yasha is taken by Obann. A turning point as Molly insists on staying behind with Yasha, staying with her even as she’s controlled, he knows what being possessed looks like, that’s NOT her. It’s dangerous, yes, but less dangerous to him, he can stay with her, do his best to keep watch, she’s worth the risk. Truly splitting up for the first time since he started haunting them, barely seeing each other, connecting for a few frantic moments during a tense chase through the woods at night before Molly is gone again, following Yasha and Obann as they teleport away. Not realizing as they enter the Folding Halls of Halas that that was the last time they’d see him.

A hard fought but victorious battle at the Chantry of the Dawn. Yasha returned to them, only to be followed by that horrible moment of, wait, I thought he was with YOU, what do you mean he’s not with you? But Molly is no where to be found. By anyone. The realization that he might truly be gone for good, and no one was even there to see it happen.

Delayed grief hits home and it hits HARD. They lean on each other, be there for each other, and try to keep themselves occupied with the next tasks in front of them. A dinner with a possible new friend. Tricking a hag. Visiting the Menagerie. A betrayal, returning Nott to Veth, a party, a tough conversation with hope for the future, ending a war. Finally making their way to Traveler Con and Rumblecusp, memories slipping away under a strange influence (there was a coat), stopping that strange influence once and for all and receiving a vision more important that any of them could realize.

Going home and looking for information while deciding what to do next. Eventually coming to the decision to visit a grave for answers. Wondering if this might finally be the chance to give their friend what he’d been looking for, a chance to live, to feel again, but also guilt that they couldn’t do it sooner, worry that it might already be too late. They start digging for the body.

A body that’s not there.

A body that’s not there because he’s already alive again.

There’s elation and shock but also confusion and wariness. Why was the coat left behind? Why had no effort been made to contact them, to contact Yasha? What is going on?

Finding out what's going on several days later with the abrupt murder of Vess DeRogna and everything being thrown into chaos. Giving chase to figure out the answers to all the new questions, and upon finally catching up to this mystery, the person with the face of their friend? No memories, no recognition. Not Mollymauk. Lucien.

Being told that Mollymauk had just been a fragment of a larger whole, an insignificant speck that didn't matter (but he mattered to them) and has been reabsorbed. Putting two and two together with the timing of Lucien's resurrection and Molly's disappearance. Grappling with the implications of what this might mean, what does this mean for their friend? Not knowing the answer but pushing forward anyway, knowing that Lucien has to be stopped, and hoping somehow, someway, they might get their friend back, but not seeing how.

Traveling together is unexpected and even more confusing. Seeing echoes, reflections of their friend in Lucien, seeing the roots of where he came from but simultaneously seeing the ways he is NOT him (let her have her?!) and not knowing what to do with it. Having the choice made for them in the night, chasing after and fleeing away for their lives. Finding safe haven with a guiding star.

Taking only a moment to breathe before rushing ahead. Nearly tripping and falling when Caleb’s past comes calling but (barely) managing to get up again, returning and making their way into Aeor with Essek at their side. Felling three of the Tomb Takers and then the chase is on, racing against the clock and Lucien before catching up with him and Cree at a gate. Noticing something strange in how Lucien reacts to certain words, keeping it in mind as they jump after him into the astral sea.

Dealing with the figurative and literal nightmare that is Cognouza, stopping Cree, plane shifting a threshold crest, saving Yussa. Witnessing a coup by Lucien, who, for some reason, still tells them to run. Leaves them alive (why did I leave you alive?). A battle for the fate of the world.

Fighting back, talking back, and something inside him listens. Hears them as they reach out. Hammer, hammer, hammering away with both weapons and words in the hardest fight of their lives. Some even losing their lives, until, finally, they triumph, Cognouza Incarnate slain. Two lost lives restored... and one more left to try. To give another chance.

It fails.

They mourn, heartbroken. Figuring that if nothing else, he's no longer trapped. Wishing that they could have done more. Hoping that he will be able to rest. Caduceus sending up a prayer.

It succeeds.

Elation, shock, reunions, tears. Single words that speak volumes. Showering with love, they did it, they kept their promise, they did it! Returning to the Blooming Grove hand in hand, all nine of them at last.

Checking in with their restored friend that night and the next day. Coming back to himself and yet not. Memories are gone but he's not blank either, knowing he's with friends but not knowing how he knows. A mind that can't remember but a heart that does, feelings instead of names. A new name and a new start.

Danger follows them, briefly, but it is smacked down, dealt with. Humbled and brought low and given the amount of respect it deserves, which is to say, none. They exhale, exhausted but accomplished. Taking time for much needed rest.

Noticing things about him during the rest. Hugs that linger, clinging a little too tight. Hours spent lying in the grass, hands running through the blades over and over while watching the clouds. Visits to flower after flower, touching petals and breathing deep. Almost crying over a new food, a new taste before eating himself sick. Leaning in at any music, any song, attention lost towards anything else. Closing his eyes and listening to the sounds of nature in the evening, just being. Existing. Living.

Later traveling to Nicodranas. Him watching the ocean, transfixed. Walking to the shore, closing his eyes and breathing in as the sea breeze blows through his hair. Starting to cry without even knowing why. (His mind can't recall the memory, not yet, but his heart does, aching at the clarity. An ache that can hopefully be soothed, now that that longing has been fulfilled.)

Not even questioning it when he joins the crew of the Nein Heroez. Parting ways, but also knowing that they will ALL be seeing each other again soon (too much love amongst them for anything else), starting the next journey. Getting a second chance.

Living life. Being happy. And knowing that he will never have to be alone again.

#Critical Role #cr spoilers #Mollymauk Tealeaf #Mollymauk #this ended up as a weird cross of an outline and a fic #partially inspired by Tal's comment that Molly would have been miserable as the lingering soul class #my writing

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eleanorfenyxwrites · 3 years

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Hi y'all!

So I realized today that it's been about three months since I started cross-posting my stuff to ao3 (those of y'all who were here for After Each Midnight while it was still a wip will know that I've been writing for longer than that but anyway). With the latest fic I just posted, I now have 30 works published to ao3 within those three months! Which is wild to me!

Since that averages out to ten fics a month and I like round numbers, I decided to celebrate by listing my 10 favorite fics...of my own lol. Narcissistic? Maybe! But it's fun anyway!

This is a really long post as each rec includes a summary, an excerpt (or a few), and some personal notes/anecdotes about the writing process or what inspired me to write the fic, etc. so I'm putting it all under the break. If this doesn't sound like your cup of tea then of course please just skip over this one, but for anyone who wants to revisit some of my older works with me, or if you're curious about which fics I personally like the most, or if you want to talk about your favorite fics of mine in the replies or anything, then that's cool too! I just wanted to find a way to mark this down because it feels like something of an achievement ^_^

Thank you!

1. After Each Midnight Begins A New Day, (54,401 words, Rated E) Ship(s): 3zun, Wangxian Summary: When Lan Xichen wakes up the morning after the fifth anniversary of his life crumbling to rubble around him in Guanyin Temple, he's shocked to find both Nie Mingjue and Meng Yao in his bed, both whole and alive and...married to him?! (A time travel fix-it in which the time traveling and fixing of things has already been done by Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, and Lan Xichen accidentally gets dragged along for the happily ever after.) Excerpt(s):

1. “Poor da-ge,” [Meng Yao] teases again, this time with a bit of an edge, and Lan Xichen cracks one eye open just enough to see him stripping first out of his shoes and socks, then his third layer of robes, then his second, until he’s dressed much as he had been the prior evening - in nothing but a black under-robe so sheer that it actually almost looks gray. It clings to all the petite, lithe curves of him and the sight makes Lan Xichen’s mouth practically water. “What if I want my turn with you now? What if I’m jealous that er-ge got to have you all to himself for hours , while your poor A-Yao had to go have a drink with Xian-didi just to pass the time.” “Oh gods you’re a beast too,” Nie Mingjue groans as Meng Yao slips on top of him gracefully to lean down and pepper kisses up and down his neck and shoulder. “Get off of me, foul creature. Go tempt our husband, I’m temporarily immune to your wiles.” “You’re never immune to my wiles, da-ge, and er-ge is meditating oh so diligently. He’s certainly not smiling and watching us through his lashes as if we’re not well aware of his tricks and what he likes to watch.” - 2. “It took years of practice, you with your painting and I with my answering, but when you were a teenager I finally decided on the best advice I could think to give you: Do not seek for every answer in this life all at once, Xichen,” he instructs with a smile as he returns to painting. “Let them come to you gently and in their season, and trust that all will be as it should in the end.” Lan Xichen takes another breath and returns to his painting with a slightly trembling hand - a trembling that ends up creating a lovely branch on the tree he is painting that, when he turns his head to look, is modeled almost exactly after the one growing in the garden behind the Gentian House, just beyond the window. “I don’t remember ever seeing this tree,” he whispers and Qingheng-Jun hums across from him in clear understanding. “And yet it flows from your brush all the same. Now we can all know that you have nothing to fear, your memories will also come to you in their season. Until then, allow yourself to rest, and remember that you have the support of your family whenever you need it.” “Yes, father,” he replies with a whisper and a tremulous smile, feeling lighter than he has in days. - 3. “I will go into seclusion.” The statement is a stone dropped into the gently rippling water of a spring-fed pool. The stone is jagged and pitted with all that the world has done to chip away at it, to make it rough and painful to the touch. It is sharp in his hands, heavy with all the hurts he still carries in his chest, all the grief he has no more room to hold. He feels lighter with it out of his grasp, the words settling into the ensuing silence with some bittersweet relief.

Notes: I know I've said it before but it bears repeating: this entire fic exists solely because of the smut scene in chapter 1. I thought of the smut first, and then the lead-in to it, and I intentionally left the end of chapter 1 ambiguous - it could have ended right there as an angsty one-shot with Lan Xichen believing that it was all a hallucination, and there's nothing really in the text to say that it's not because Lan Xichen is a very unreliable narrator in this fic. But then I wanted to write the backstory for the smut if, in fact, it wasn't a hallucination - and everything kind of...butterfly-effected out from there to become what it is now, along with all the extras in the series that's now roughly 120k long altogether and still not finished. Oops. Oh and also: this fic that started the ball rolling only exists because for some reason the servers for Omegle went down for months where I live, and prior to that I used to spend hours rp'ing. Without that creative outlet, I filled the vacuum with writing fic instead and now here we are. So if you're grateful for my fics then thank Omegle for sucking for a few months lol --//-- 2. Loving, Loud, Wild, and Theirs (7386 words, Rated T) Ship(s): Xuanli & Gen (kidfic), 3zun (briefly) - an extra for AEM Summary: A brief look at how in this kinder world, Jin Zixuan managed to find and legitimize his three siblings as well as a snapshot of the chaos of love and fun that is his family with his siblings, his beloved wife, and their seven children. Excerpt:

He had listened to [Madam Qin] and her handmaid, and he had believed them, and he had been unsurprised to find himself thinking quite uncharitably of his father following his promise to Madam Qin that he would do everything in his power to make it right, as much as he could. [Jin Zixuan and Meng Yao] return to Jinlintai the day after the next, once their business is concluded. He’s relieved when nothing needs his immediate attention as it means he’s free to retreat into his and Jiang Yanli’s quarters so he can tell her everything that’s weighing on his mind. “No more surprise siblings from now on,” he sighs into the comfort of Jiang Yanli's chest when he’s finished outlining what has happened and his plans to prepare a new suite of rooms in the family wing of the tower. For Qin Su. His sister. Jiang Yanli just laughs her tinkling laugh and kisses him, her hands gentle as she combs his hair back from his face with her fingertips. “You’ve got more siblings now than any of the rest of us,” she teases with a mischievous smile down at him that is a bit too reminiscent of, weirdly, both Wei Wuxian and Mo Xuanyu for comfort. “Two brothers, a sister, and of course we must keep Mianmian in her spot on the list. If you would like to count brothers-in-law as well you’ve also got A-Xian, A-Cheng, Huaisang, Wangji, Xichen, and Mingjue...” He groans and hides his face properly in the soft silk of her robes even as she laughs again over his head.

Notes: This fic is actually a request fill for someone and I had some trouble ending it because there's a lot more I want to write with this wild family, though I did eventually find what felt like a good place to cut it off with 3zun arriving in Jinlintai for the visit they leave for at the end of AEM. There is something of a follow-up floating around my wips that - if it ever gets written - is a direct sequel to AEM that continues where this extra leaves off, with 3zun getting to spend time with their hoard of niblings in Jinlintai. No promises about if/when that will get written though. --//-- 3. Performance Art (8106 words, Rated M) Ships: 3zun, Wangxian (briefly) Summary: A Modern AU inspired by the 'Hysterical Literature' performance art project. Lan Xichen, Nie Mingjue, and Meng Yao take turns doing their best to read aloud from chosen written works as they're filmed. The twist is that they're trying to do so as they're being pleasured with a vibrator controlled by one of their partners off-camera, each of their turns ending when the partner being filmed/played with has an orgasm. Excerpt(s):

1. “Engage people with what they expect; it is..- it…it is what they are able to discern and.. ngh.. confirms their projections. It settles.. ah settles them into predictable-“ He cuts off suddenly to set the book down flat and slap one hand down sharply on the tabletop. Meng Yao simply clicks another button and Nie Mingjue groans as his newly unoccupied hand twitches back to rest on the edge of the table closer to himself, as if about to drop down beneath it. Lan Xichen and Meng Yao both shift forward in their seats but Nie Mingjue catches himself before they have to intervene, returning his hand to the middle of the table and forcing a deep breath into his lungs so he can continue. “-Predictable patterns of..of response, occupying their minds while you w-wait for the ex- extra-“ he huffs out a sharp breath and curls his hand into a fist as he tilts forward and forces out the rest of the sentence in a rush. “Extraordinary moment — that whichtheycannotanticipate. FUCK!” - 2. It’s a few hours of quiet, peaceful work later when Lan Wangji shifts his weight in the way that means he wants Wei Wuxian’s actual attention and not his ‘ I’m sculpting so I’m periodically looking at you ’ sort of attention which he is, of course, quick to grant. He pauses in his muttering half to himself and half to Lan Wangji to say, “Hm? What’s up Zhanzhan?” “From Xiongzhang,” he says by way of explanation, holding his phone out for Wei Wuxian to squint at the screen. It takes him a moment to understand what he’s looking at, his eyes needing a second to adjust to the small black and white video that’s playing after having spent hours looking between Lan Zhan and the clay form taking shape under his hands. “What is this?” he asks as he leans in closer and squints a little harder. He blinks and his eyes go wide in the next moment as he realizes what’s happening on the screen as the woman’s tension climaxes ( literally ) - and then it’s just a hop, skip, and a jump to figure out just why he’d been asked to create an eerily similar setup in his own studio the previous afternoon for three men he might as well consider his sort-of brothers at this point. His next exhale is a wheeze as his ears go hot and Lan Wangji is instantly shrugging into a robe to stand from his lounging position and approach, concern written all over his features. “Wei Ying?”

Notes: I don't really have too much to say about this one except that it brought me so much joy and laughter to write and it honestly kind of surprises me that it's one of my less popular fics - it's nothing but a fun, sexy time! But I'm also terrible at guessing trends/what people will want to see so that might be on me haha. Oh! Also - a minor thing but something I'm very mildly proud of: the narrator voice is dependent on who's behind the camera! I wanted a way to make the person filming feel just as involved as the other two and I thought that was a fun way to do it since within the narrative it's technically going to be their perspective used for the video they're recording. Just to give y'all a little insight into my decision-making when it comes to my writing style for this one. --//-- 4. Anything For My Nie-Zongzhu (6411 words, Rated E) Ship: NieYao - pre-canon (just barely) Summary: Meng Yao is Nie Mingjue's trusted right hand, intelligent and valued by his Sect Leader, at least, who has learned lately to appreciate him a hell of a lot in private too - and for much more personal matters than the minutiae of running the Nie Sect. Seeing as Nie Mingjue trusts him so much, he finds it in himself to ask for something new - for Meng Yao to top him. [Technically an extra for AEM but can be read as a standalone] Excerpt:

“Am I to play into this boorish act you’re putting on tonight?” he teases instead as he steps closer until he’s near enough to feel the way the steam from the bath has turned the air sticky and humid. Nie Mingjue finally looks up at him and Meng Yao is internally crowing with triumph as he watches the lines of tension around his eyes and mouth fall away, his expression smoothing into quiet contentment. He did that. His presence alone is enough to help Nie Mingjue relax. It feels nearly as good as the day the man had angrily defended him to his own disciples and promoted him on the spot. “It’s not an act, I’m plenty boorish,” Nie Mingjue gruffs, returning his gaze to the letter, but this close Meng Yao can actually watch his eyes do nothing but try to glare a hole through the center of the page. “Of course you are, Zongzhu,” Meng Yao allows, his tone openly humoring - as is the smile tightening the corners of his mouth. “Therefore I can only suppose that you would prefer it if I returned to my walk and left you to continue your...correspondence in peace.”

Notes: Once again not really many notes on this one! I just love NieYao, I think their dynamic during Meng Yao's Nie Sect days has so much potential and I love exploring it every so often. --//--

5. Bite The Hands That Feed (1590 words, Rated E) Ship: XiYao Summary: After being forced out of the Nie Sect, Meng Yao has to come to grips with the hunger that's been chasing him his whole life, and he finds temporary satisfaction over and over in Lan Xichen, who is always so generous with his time and his body and is willing to help him feel less empty even just for a night. Excerpt:

He would never bite the hands that feed him, that stuff him full enough to make him believe for a moment that he’s no longer starving. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t inflict pains. He bites and he scratches and he plants himself in the bloody furrows until flowering moans reward his violent care, until pleasure bursts sun-warmed and sweet between them, berries ripe for the picking. He stains his mouth red with them, his fingers purple with the bruises he paints so delicately on his devotee’s body. If Meng Yao is being clawed to a slow torturous death from within, then it stands to reason that his other half will be ripped to shreds from without. He keeps his nails sharp and his teeth bared to tear into his flesh and drink sweetly of the vintage he offers - sweat, spend, blood, saliva when their mouths meet for crushing kisses. All of it is his to consume. He puts his mouth to the feast of Lan Xichen’s body and eats until the hunger pangs are satiated, drinks until he feels dizzy with it.

Notes: So I wrote this one when I was getting a little tired of the straight narration style of all my other fics and I wanted to try my hand at something looser, a little more prose-like but also a little darker than my usual fluff. I'm not sure how successful I was - this is actually one of my absolute least popular fics, number-wise! - but it's one of my favorites anyway. --//-- 6. A Figure, A Mouth (2788 words, Rated M) Ship: Wenzhou Summary: A quiet, intimate evening spent in the comfort of the Four Seasons Mountain Manor sometime between their arrival/fixing up of the place and the confrontation with Ye Baiyi. Excerpt:

After a while of warming each other up Wen Kexing urges him back up to push the bed under the window just as he’d said he would. Zhou Zishu takes the opportunity to blow out the candles before he rejoins Wen Kexing in their bed, the sudden darkness leaving them free to admire each other clothed in nothing but broad swathes of cool, sweet blue light bisected by deep black lattices of shadow from the trees out in the yard, the shadows from the contours of the wall and decorations around the window blocking and revealing them in turns. Lao Wen is, of course, as beautiful like this as he has been in every way Zhou Zishu has ever seen him, and he takes the time to savor it, to indulge in the decadence that Wen Kexing presents for each of his remaining senses. He’s a feast for the eyes, all hard muscle and skin glistening with glittering diamonds of sweat along his shoulders and the soft curve of his cheek. He’s a symphony for the ears, breathless desire and tender calls of his name that Zhou Zishu never lets go unanswered when they’re like this. By now Wen Kexing is an expert at drawing pleasure from him in every unlikely way there is to make sure that the effects of the nails don’t keep him from reaching his peak at least once, occasionally more in spite of his fading sense of touch.

Notes: Wenzhou makes me so soft and emotional, y'all. The next one on the list is also a Wenzhou fic and I just can't seem to stop writing them in fluffy/smutty situations because it's what they deserve. I really don't have anything more interesting to say about this fic, I just love them haha. --//-- 7. Tease Him Just Enough (2537 words, Rated M) Ship: Wenzhou Summary: A possible outcome if the conversation post-face reveal in episode 6 had gone differently - i.e. if Zhou Zishu had called Wen Kexing out on all his flirting and challenged him to do something about it - and then he does. Excerpt:

They don’t need words to communicate that at least right here in this particular moment there’s no one else they would rather have in their arms, pressed up against their bodies, no one else’s tongue who would find a new home in each other’s mouths or any other body their hands would rather explore. Wen Kexing has already known that they’re fated, but for the first time it feels like they’re agreeing to be so. Even if it’s just for a night. (Not that he thinks it will be just one night for them, but getting Zhou Xu to agree to anything remotely of the kind is like trying to drag a stray back-alley cat into a bath so he’ll take what he can get.)

Notes: My first fic for Word of Honor! The whole time I was watching the show (read: obsessively binge-watching) I was like 'Okay I like this show a lot but it's not nearly as compelling as The Untamed, idk if I'll be motivated to write anything for it'. Then I got to the end and I was like NEVERMIND YES I AM. I played myself. --//-- 8. You Need Tending (12,108 words, Rated T) Ship(s): Lan Wangji & Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji & Lan Xichen, Lan Qiren & The Jades & Wei Wuxian (this is a kidfic so nothing romantic!) Summary: Wei Wuxian is alone and homeless on the streets of Yunmeng, unaware of the presence of his parents' old friend so nearby. Lan Wangji is a child grieving for the loss of his mother in silence, overwhelmed by the world his uncle keeps dragging him out into. It takes their paths crossing more than once for Lan Qiren to realize just who Wei Wuxian is and that he needs their help, but he gets there eventually. Excerpt:

He watches on as the man comes to a stop next to the boys and squats down to check over the one who had been lost and suddenly he remembers lying on the ground and looking up at a stern-faced man with gentle hands and a ribbon across his forehead. The man who had given him medicine and bandages after a small boy had defended him from dogs, and an older boy had talked to him so kindly and helped him to sit up off the dirt. Wei Ying gasps as the memory hits and he scrambles back down off the roof, landing on the packed dirt of the space between the buildings with an oof, excitement bubbling in his chest. Along with the memory comes a name and it flies from his lips as he scrambles up off the ground to push his way into the crowd again. “Master Lan!” he shouts, his tiny voice lost in the din of the market. He tries to shove closer but the little family is already walking away, their backs to him as he strains against the flow of people much bigger and stronger than him. “Master Lan!” he tries again, desperation lending extra strength and emotion to his cry. Wei Ying stops struggling as he watches the two boys in white walk away, the pair of them flanking Master Lan in his sky blue robes as they move through the market, radiating serenity in the midst of the chaos. His vision blurs and he scrubs his forearm against his eyes angrily to dry them, trying to keep the three of them in his sight for as long as he can just in case they turn around and spot him. Just in case they remember him and maybe want to tell him to come with them.

Notes: Baby Wei Ying T-T He just hits me right in the heart, and so does baby Lan Zhan! And baby Lan Xichen. All the babies. This fic was actually completely inspired by an utterly adorable fanart of Lan Xichen giving a grumpy baby A-Zhan a piggyback ride! I'd been wanting to write a kidfic type fix-it for a while and that art was the spark I needed to come up with something workable. (Edit: here’s my reblog of the art I’m talking about!) --//--

9. Familial Circumstances (5393 words, Rated G)

Ship(s): Lan Qiren & Original Characters, Lan Qiren & Jin Zixuan, Lan Qiren & Qin Su, Lan Qiren & Mo Xuanyu - An extra for AEM

Summary: Another kidfic extra for the horde of children in Jinlintai, this time as seen through the lens of their beloved Great Uncle Lan. It's a simple relationship-study-type look at how all the children love their Great Uncle and how much he loves and treasures them in return.

Excerpt:

An unusual stillness accompanies [Jin Ruhai's] playing. Jin Lu stops fidgeting with her fingers, the twins slip into the perfect stillness of those who are utterly aware of themselves at all times - a trait [Lan Qiren has] noticed in every skilled fighter he’s ever come across - and even Jin Ye relaxes, slumping further and further backwards until she’s slouched down against his stomach, legs dangling over his crossed shins.

The piece isn’t a terribly long one, nor as complex as the next score Lan Qiren intends to teach the boy, but Jin Ruhai’s mastery of it is impressive. Again, Lan Qiren is forcefully reminded of Lan Wangji, always most at peace when behind his instrument to play with and/or for the people he loves.

There’s silence in the room until the last note fades with a shiver into the air and Jin Ruhai pulls his hands back from the instrument. The stillness lasts for one more moment before it’s interrupted by Jin Lu sneezing suddenly and her siblings laugh as the quiet breaks.

“I had to hold that in the whole time !!” Jin Lu laughs as she rubs her sleeve under her nose, one eye screwed shut as she giggles. “I didn’t want to mess up A-Zhuang’s song, it’s so pretty!”

Notes: I'm definitely biased because they're all my oc's except for Jin Ling, but I genuinely love all of the Jin children in the AEM AU. If anyone is ever interested in knowing more about their individual personalities and the like please don't hesitate to ask me, I've actually put quite a bit of thought into all 6 of the kids I created wholecloth and I have a lot of feelings about Jin Ling getting the chaotic siblings and loving parents he was robbed of.

--//--

10. Opportunities To Practice (5710 words, Rated M) (*WIP)

Ship: Xuanli - An extra for AEM

Summary: Jin Zixuan is nervous for his..marital activities with Jiang Yanli - after all, who could he possibly ask for advice? His father? No thank you. Thankfully Jiang Yanli is sweet and patient and knows her husband well - he just needs a bit of time and he'll get it figured out.

Excerpt:

She shivers with an interesting combination of want and intense vulnerability as she stands there, feeling bare in spite of her remaining layer. It’s of a material so sheer as to be practically nonexistent, nothing more than a delicate veil of a red so pale it’s nearly pink that sits on her body like a second skin. Until it falls gently away at the knee to flutter around her ankles, it clings to every curve, every contour, and as she watches Jin Zixuan doesn’t even bother to hang the robe he had just removed on the screen. He lets it drop into a soft pool around her bare feet, his gaze roaming her newly exposed figure - she would perhaps feel strange about it did he not look so devoted , so in awe of seeing her practically naked in front of him.

Yanli gasps softly as he suddenly drops to his knees at her feet and oh - that’s heady. Her body, which she hasn’t really thought of too much in the past beyond the occasional irritation that it’s weaker than she would prefer, has put the man she loves on his knees. He’s looking up at her now, his eyes wide and his hands reverent as he raises them to rest on her thighs, thumbs caressing her too-warm skin through the barely-there robe that bunches up softly under the pressure of his grip.

“You’re right,” he finally breathes, sounding slightly strained. “I’d like this to stay on. If that’s - are you alright?”

“I am,” she reassures.

Notes: This last fic is technically a wip, the only one in the list! However! - it's going to be a collection of one-shots centered around Xuanli and their sexual exploits that lead to their seven children, and possibly also the ones that are just for fun (horny Yanli rights forever). It's not currently high on my list of priorities or anything and the one chapter that's up so far can stand on its own so it's a wip but it's not? I just love Xuanli so much and I want to explore their relationship in my happy fix-it AU whenever the mood strikes, and whenever that happens this is where those one-shots will go.

--//--

And that's it! My personal top 10 favorite fics of my own as of right now. I thought about doing my top 10 according to statistics like hit counts or kudos, but I genuinely love some of these unpopular fics and I wanted to give them some love and attention even if it's just for me. I know there's a lot here to sift through but if any of y'all enjoyed the list or any of the specific fics on it let me know! I liked taking this little pause to take a look at what I've actually been producing these last few months.

Thanks for reading!

#the untamed fanfic #gonna tag the main romantic ships listed:#3zun #NieYao #XiYao #Wangxian #Xuanli #Wenzhou #y'all I legit spent hours formatting this and writing all this out #I also went looking for the fanart that inspired You Need Tending so I could link it and my page refreshed #which I suspected it would do so of course I hit Ctrl+A and copied it all -#only to find out that doing that doesn't extend past the readmore break which I had already put in #so I lost the whole introductory bit and had to rewrite it #T-T I didn't even find the fanart I'm gonna look for it again on mobile cuz it's easier #ANYWAY - literally no one asked for this and I don't even know if anyone was curious to begin with but I wanted to make this anyway soooo #It's also lowkey one of my goals to write something one day that becomes popular enough to end up on rec lists #So this is me kind of indulging that in a very 'tooting my own horn' kind of way that I refuse to apologize for #No shame in my game #Also if you see any typos or formatting weirdness No You Don't :) I've been doing this for 5+ hours and I'm hUNGRY

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